All language subtitles for Family Guy 20x11 - Mister Act (English)

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,020 --> 00:00:04,880 ? It seems today that all you see ? 2 00:00:04,900 --> 00:00:08,220 ? Is violence in movies and sex on TV ? 3 00:00:08,240 --> 00:00:11,800 ? But where are those good old-fashioned values ? 4 00:00:11,820 --> 00:00:14,557 ? On which we used to rely? ? 5 00:00:14,570 --> 00:00:18,220 ? Lucky there's a family guy ? 6 00:00:18,240 --> 00:00:21,605 ? Lucky there's a man who positively can do ? 7 00:00:21,610 --> 00:00:23,190 ? All the things that make us ? 8 00:00:23,200 --> 00:00:24,820 ? Laugh and cry ? 9 00:00:24,840 --> 00:00:30,150 ? He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ? 10 00:00:30,170 --> 00:00:34,076 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com -- 11 00:00:37,440 --> 00:00:40,280 Good morning, Peter. Hope you enjoyed sleeping in. 12 00:00:40,300 --> 00:00:42,840 Oh, there's no sleeping in when you're an alcoholic, Lois. 13 00:00:42,860 --> 00:00:44,600 You just never go to sleep. 14 00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:46,940 Happy Valentine's Day, honey. 15 00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:50,760 You actually remembered it was Valentine's Day. 16 00:00:50,780 --> 00:00:52,094 Of course I did. 17 00:00:52,100 --> 00:00:53,780 Look, I know in years past, 18 00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:55,860 I haven't always been the most thoughtful partner. 19 00:00:55,880 --> 00:00:59,340 I'm often self-centered, confuse my words, and shellfish. 20 00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:02,040 But I love you today and every day. 21 00:01:02,060 --> 00:01:04,400 You are our family's rock, 22 00:01:04,420 --> 00:01:06,859 which is why I got you this. 23 00:01:06,860 --> 00:01:09,780 Oh, jewelry. 24 00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:11,780 Like in a commercial. 25 00:01:12,130 --> 00:01:13,180 _ 26 00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:16,860 A Pedalton? 27 00:01:16,870 --> 00:01:20,640 Okay, can I talk to you upstairs for a near-the-vent argument? 28 00:01:24,280 --> 00:01:28,240 How dare you buy me something that suggests I need exercise! 29 00:01:28,250 --> 00:01:30,580 This is a loud way to say thank you. 30 00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:33,160 Anybody have Valentine's Day in the divorce pool? 31 00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:36,020 - That would be Meg. - Boom, boom, boom. 32 00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:38,807 Picked a holiday. Smart. She's smart. 33 00:01:38,810 --> 00:01:41,977 I just thought you'd like it. I saw it on The Today Show. 34 00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:45,630 Second hour with Hoda and Savannah 35 00:01:45,650 --> 00:01:47,660 or third hour with the nonsense people? 36 00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:49,485 - Second hour. - Where is it? 37 00:01:54,010 --> 00:01:56,158 _ 38 00:01:57,180 --> 00:01:58,300 Good morning. 39 00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:00,220 I'm your instructor, Cody Spraytan. 40 00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:03,332 Are you ready to pedal so hard your periods go away? 41 00:02:03,340 --> 00:02:06,477 Yes! It's not healthy, but it's convenient. 42 00:02:06,480 --> 00:02:07,540 Now we're gonna sprint 43 00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:09,480 while I tell a distracting personal story 44 00:02:09,490 --> 00:02:12,080 about how I almost met Adam Levine. 45 00:02:13,470 --> 00:02:15,580 It's 2016. It's Vegas. 46 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:17,501 I'm coming off a horrible breakup. 47 00:02:17,510 --> 00:02:18,560 First pool party in, 48 00:02:18,580 --> 00:02:21,060 I see who I think is a dirty man with tattoos, 49 00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:22,300 and I'm like, "Ugh." 50 00:02:22,320 --> 00:02:25,062 But then I'm like, "Wait a minute." 51 00:02:28,065 --> 00:02:31,402 Huh, I think I'll try a scenic ride this morning. 52 00:02:31,410 --> 00:02:34,613 Let's see. Uh, California Coastline, 53 00:02:34,620 --> 00:02:36,320 Gardens of Singapo... 54 00:02:36,340 --> 00:02:39,451 Oh, The Tour De Franz. 55 00:02:39,460 --> 00:02:41,840 Pull over here. Let's get a sausage. 56 00:02:41,860 --> 00:02:43,740 We just started, Dennis. 57 00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:46,480 I once watched a squirrel get hit by a car right here, 58 00:02:46,490 --> 00:02:48,791 and I saw one get hit by a truck over there. 59 00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:50,400 Yeah, you've seen a lot of squirrels 60 00:02:50,420 --> 00:02:51,820 get hit by a lot of things. 61 00:02:51,830 --> 00:02:54,000 There are a lot of stupid squirrels. 62 00:02:54,020 --> 00:02:55,620 Shouldn't you be wearing bike shorts 63 00:02:55,640 --> 00:02:58,440 - instead of jean shorts? - Eh, shorts are shorts. 64 00:02:58,460 --> 00:03:00,305 Oh, hey, there's a stop sign coming. 65 00:03:00,310 --> 00:03:02,080 Give it the finger and ride through. 66 00:03:05,010 --> 00:03:06,520 Bite me! 67 00:03:06,530 --> 00:03:09,200 This isn't very fun. When are we done? 68 00:03:09,220 --> 00:03:10,940 We ride until my ass falls out. 69 00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:12,140 It's already out. 70 00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:13,480 Then we're done. 71 00:03:22,630 --> 00:03:24,600 What the hell? 72 00:03:27,610 --> 00:03:30,043 You're not taking this from me, bitch. 73 00:03:32,380 --> 00:03:35,674 Suck it, Bon. 74 00:03:39,430 --> 00:03:42,380 I hope that mascara burns your eyes out. 75 00:03:42,410 --> 00:03:44,200 How's that cheap wine headache? 76 00:03:44,220 --> 00:03:46,520 Go roll in dirt, you pig. 77 00:03:46,530 --> 00:03:48,120 Your hair dye stinks! 78 00:03:48,140 --> 00:03:49,399 - Tell your daughter... - Tell your son 79 00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:51,379 - to stop watching me change! - ... to stop watching me change! 80 00:03:51,380 --> 00:03:53,442 Peter, go cut her power! 81 00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:56,400 - Hey. - Hey. 82 00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:04,480 Oh, someone's in here. 83 00:04:16,230 --> 00:04:18,570 Whoa, did we get that European exchange student 84 00:04:18,590 --> 00:04:19,927 I saw on TikTok? 85 00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:23,840 Hey, little man. 86 00:04:23,850 --> 00:04:25,974 Lois? 87 00:04:25,980 --> 00:04:29,500 But you're... you're... hot. 88 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:31,140 All right, everyone out. 89 00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:32,648 I got a soupy keister. 90 00:04:37,220 --> 00:04:39,610 Wow, Mom. You are looking fit. 91 00:04:39,620 --> 00:04:41,070 Yeah, you're ripped. 92 00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:43,150 You look like Madonn... 93 00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:44,938 You want to say that again? 94 00:04:44,940 --> 00:04:46,490 Who do I look like? 95 00:04:46,500 --> 00:04:49,020 The mom from Modern Family. 96 00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:51,140 That's right. Julie Bowen. 97 00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:53,210 That's the appropriate answer. 98 00:04:53,220 --> 00:04:55,060 What do you think of Lois's new look? 99 00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:57,500 I say this in the most respectful way possible, 100 00:04:57,520 --> 00:04:59,180 but don't you think she looks a little... 101 00:04:59,190 --> 00:05:01,385 - mannish? - Mannish. Yeah, awesome, right? 102 00:05:01,390 --> 00:05:04,520 Yeah, I got to say, Peter, I love that bike. 103 00:05:04,540 --> 00:05:06,807 Hey, maybe you should give it a try, huh? 104 00:05:06,810 --> 00:05:09,810 No way. Name one cool person who rides a bike. 105 00:05:09,820 --> 00:05:10,853 Kermit the Fro... 106 00:05:10,860 --> 00:05:13,856 Okay, skinny legs, here I come. 107 00:05:13,860 --> 00:05:16,740 Good morning. Are you ready to sweat? 108 00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:20,060 - I woke up sweating. - Okay, let's climb this hill! 109 00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:21,240 I want to impress you, 110 00:05:21,260 --> 00:05:23,800 but also see if I can peek down your sports bra. 111 00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:28,450 Ow! Ow! Ow! My balls. 112 00:05:29,100 --> 00:05:30,580 No, the other ones. 113 00:05:30,590 --> 00:05:31,999 Ow! Ow! Ow! 114 00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:33,917 Ow! Ow! Ow! 115 00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:35,601 Did you hear that? 116 00:05:35,610 --> 00:05:38,171 - I think Peter hurt his balls. - I didn't hear anything. 117 00:05:38,180 --> 00:05:41,160 Hmm. Must have been at a frequency only dogs can hear. 118 00:05:43,260 --> 00:05:45,580 _ 119 00:05:45,610 --> 00:05:47,330 _ 120 00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:48,640 _ 121 00:05:49,980 --> 00:05:51,640 Excuse me, I have to go bark. 122 00:05:59,370 --> 00:06:02,029 So, what do you think happened to my voice, Doc? 123 00:06:02,030 --> 00:06:05,540 Peter, I'm afraid you suffered something called Pedalton Balls. 124 00:06:05,560 --> 00:06:07,600 Here's a video explaining everything. 125 00:06:07,870 --> 00:06:10,080 Hi, I'm Oliver Platt, 126 00:06:10,110 --> 00:06:12,430 here to talk to you about Pedalton Balls, 127 00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:14,590 a painful condition where your testicles 128 00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:16,585 get lodged next to your voice box. 129 00:06:16,590 --> 00:06:18,989 It's actually part of a long list of ailments 130 00:06:18,990 --> 00:06:21,540 that fat guys suffer when they try to exercise. 131 00:06:21,560 --> 00:06:24,300 These include Trapped Fart Disorder, 132 00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:25,820 Jump Rope Tangles, 133 00:06:25,840 --> 00:06:27,054 Push-Up Butt, 134 00:06:27,060 --> 00:06:29,960 Sock-Skin Foot and Jog Fog, 135 00:06:29,980 --> 00:06:33,101 where your sweat condenses into a functioning cloud. 136 00:06:33,110 --> 00:06:35,300 But don't worry. With the help of gravity, 137 00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:37,380 Pedalton Balls will clear itself. 138 00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:38,420 While you're waiting, 139 00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:42,080 check out my 1993 medium hit The Three Musketeers, 140 00:06:42,100 --> 00:06:43,528 because I only do movies 141 00:06:43,530 --> 00:06:46,156 with titles that are also candy bars. 142 00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:47,470 Isn't there anything I can do 143 00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:49,701 to help my voice get back to normal faster? 144 00:06:49,710 --> 00:06:51,600 I don't know, I just like putting on videos. 145 00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:55,040 I guess try doing something with a lot of needless standing? 146 00:06:55,050 --> 00:06:56,880 All rise. 147 00:06:57,760 --> 00:07:00,020 Before we start communion, 148 00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:02,200 we have a few church announcements. 149 00:07:02,220 --> 00:07:05,540 First off, I'm seeing a lot of AirPods in ears, 150 00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:08,160 so let's get that under control. 151 00:07:08,170 --> 00:07:11,000 Secondly, all hymns now identify as "they." 152 00:07:11,010 --> 00:07:14,580 And, of course, "amen" is now "athem." 153 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:15,894 Athem. 154 00:07:15,900 --> 00:07:17,479 Athem. 155 00:07:19,650 --> 00:07:22,340 Stewie, how would you like to go 156 00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:25,196 to a Mommy & Me class with me tomorrow, huh? 157 00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:26,980 They haven't seen my new look yet, 158 00:07:26,990 --> 00:07:29,600 and I feel like I need a win in front of the Range Rover mom. 159 00:07:29,620 --> 00:07:31,600 Are you asking me out on a date? 160 00:07:31,610 --> 00:07:33,989 Well, I'm gonna have to get waxed first. 161 00:07:33,990 --> 00:07:36,915 I want you to make it look like Caillou. 162 00:07:38,510 --> 00:07:41,340 - The Body of Christ. - Thank you, Father. 163 00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:43,980 Your voice. It's pristine. 164 00:07:43,990 --> 00:07:46,790 You know, one of our altar boys called in sick today. 165 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,500 How would you like to fill in for him in the choir? 166 00:07:49,520 --> 00:07:51,520 Well, okay. 167 00:07:51,540 --> 00:07:54,600 But only if God will kill a bunch of babies for no reason. 168 00:07:54,620 --> 00:07:55,860 That's not a problem. 169 00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:58,200 God does that a lot in the Bible. 170 00:08:10,830 --> 00:08:15,780 ? To Jesus Christ, our sovereign king ? 171 00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:21,418 ? Who is the world's salvation. ? 172 00:08:21,420 --> 00:08:23,620 They're falling asleep out there. 173 00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:25,100 We got to kick this up a notch. 174 00:08:25,110 --> 00:08:27,500 - Follow my lead. - We don't know who you are. 175 00:08:28,300 --> 00:08:30,160 ? Tragedy ? 176 00:08:30,180 --> 00:08:33,430 ? When church is lame and you miss the game, it's a tragedy ? 177 00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:36,510 ? When your bum goes numb from kneeling some ? 178 00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:39,853 ? It's a tragedy. ? 179 00:08:41,490 --> 00:08:44,780 Wow, that was amazing! 180 00:08:44,790 --> 00:08:47,540 How would you like to be a regular member of the choir? 181 00:08:47,550 --> 00:08:49,920 I'll do it, buddy, under one condition: 182 00:08:49,930 --> 00:08:52,540 we shake like that epic handshake meme. 183 00:08:52,560 --> 00:08:54,560 You got a deal, buddy. 184 00:08:55,090 --> 00:08:57,080 _ 185 00:08:57,110 --> 00:08:59,247 _ 186 00:09:02,870 --> 00:09:05,837 Everyone, let's take out our drums for drum circle. 187 00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:11,020 You ready to play again? Me, too. 188 00:09:11,030 --> 00:09:13,760 My refraction period is very short. 189 00:09:13,780 --> 00:09:15,860 I finish fast, but I can go a lot. 190 00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:17,340 Some people prefer that. 191 00:09:17,350 --> 00:09:18,720 A good refractor. 192 00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:55,820 Now let me do you. 193 00:10:04,750 --> 00:10:06,080 Is everyone watching? 194 00:10:06,100 --> 00:10:09,310 Are they impressed with how quickly I refracted? 195 00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:13,660 ? He died for us, he died for us ? 196 00:10:13,690 --> 00:10:15,740 ? He died for us, he died for us ? 197 00:10:15,750 --> 00:10:17,460 ? He died for us, he died for us ? 198 00:10:17,490 --> 00:10:19,490 ? He died for us, he died for us ? 199 00:10:19,500 --> 00:10:23,160 ? In the Bible, the holy Bible ? 200 00:10:23,180 --> 00:10:27,252 ? Messiah sleeps tonight. ? 201 00:10:28,410 --> 00:10:30,440 That was wonderful, Peter. 202 00:10:30,450 --> 00:10:32,500 Way better than our previous choir 203 00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:35,920 who killed half our congregation during COVID. 204 00:10:35,940 --> 00:10:37,679 You really think you can just come in here 205 00:10:37,680 --> 00:10:40,720 - and steal our spotlight? - Aw, Spotlight. 206 00:10:40,730 --> 00:10:42,520 Yeah, before you came, I was wrist-deep 207 00:10:42,530 --> 00:10:44,100 in every old lady's casserole. 208 00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:47,360 Now I'm lucky if I get just a sniff of an old lady's casserole. 209 00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:48,520 I like this story. 210 00:10:48,540 --> 00:10:51,651 If you knew what was good for you, you'd quit right now. 211 00:10:51,660 --> 00:10:52,820 I'm not quitting. 212 00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:55,906 And I'm not gonna be bullied by some noodle-armed kids. 213 00:10:55,910 --> 00:10:58,639 Hey, we're tough Catholic kids. We've been assaulted 214 00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:01,780 by an army of older brothers and sisters our entire lives. 215 00:11:01,790 --> 00:11:03,880 You ever have an older sister sit on your head 216 00:11:03,890 --> 00:11:06,160 for an entire Notre Dame football game? 217 00:11:06,180 --> 00:11:08,280 - Because I have. - Hey, Peter, 218 00:11:08,300 --> 00:11:10,800 what did the kneeling apparatus say to the ankle? 219 00:11:10,820 --> 00:11:12,200 "Pew." 220 00:11:14,650 --> 00:11:17,240 I'm your rides home, guys. 221 00:11:21,050 --> 00:11:23,500 Okay, I'm gonna go heat up your bottle, Stewie. 222 00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:25,185 I'll be right back. 223 00:11:26,350 --> 00:11:28,020 Hey, how was your "date"? 224 00:11:28,030 --> 00:11:29,760 It's still going. 225 00:11:29,770 --> 00:11:31,370 I'm pretty close to done with this. 226 00:11:31,390 --> 00:11:32,440 When we parked the car, 227 00:11:32,450 --> 00:11:33,849 she did that thing where she leaned over 228 00:11:33,850 --> 00:11:35,820 and unbuckled me from my car seat. 229 00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:37,920 And she took a little extra time 230 00:11:37,940 --> 00:11:40,420 fishing around for that bottom safety belt. 231 00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:42,200 You know what that means. 232 00:11:42,220 --> 00:11:45,000 - Please stop. - The only downside is she has kids. 233 00:11:45,020 --> 00:11:48,100 But I said I'm cool with it, and whoosh, the doors flew open. 234 00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:50,520 That's a little tip. I've got a little tip, too. 235 00:11:50,540 --> 00:11:52,160 Yes? 236 00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:54,300 - What? - Someone did... 237 00:11:54,310 --> 00:11:56,660 - I'm here now. What is it? - Oh. 238 00:11:56,670 --> 00:11:59,680 Uh, n-no, I was using that to punctuate my sentences. 239 00:11:59,700 --> 00:12:03,360 Don't do that. I walked very far thinking I'd get a carrot. 240 00:12:03,380 --> 00:12:04,980 Very far. 241 00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:07,310 There's no carrots, guys. 242 00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:12,560 So, this is my place. 243 00:12:12,570 --> 00:12:15,070 I'm living with my parents right now, which isn't preferred, 244 00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:16,699 but they always keep yogurt in the fridge, 245 00:12:16,700 --> 00:12:18,220 so that's pretty tight. 246 00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:20,000 All right, good night, Stewie. 247 00:12:20,020 --> 00:12:22,993 I had a really nice day with you. 248 00:12:24,530 --> 00:12:26,700 Wait, that's it? 249 00:12:26,710 --> 00:12:29,341 You're leaving? I thought... 250 00:12:34,040 --> 00:12:36,280 Oh, my little buddy. 251 00:12:36,300 --> 00:12:39,420 You're upset. Okay, okay, I'll tell you what. 252 00:12:39,440 --> 00:12:43,300 You can sleep with Mommy in the big bed tonight, okay? 253 00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:45,003 The big bed? 254 00:12:45,010 --> 00:12:47,380 Well, Rupert, don't wait up, 'cause I'm gonna be... 255 00:12:53,180 --> 00:12:55,180 Father, can I talk to you for a minute? 256 00:12:55,190 --> 00:12:57,460 Peter, come in. What's on your mind? 257 00:12:57,470 --> 00:13:00,100 It's just I really like singing here. 258 00:13:00,110 --> 00:13:03,700 I finally found a way I can positively contribute in church. 259 00:13:03,710 --> 00:13:05,952 But the other choirboys hate me. 260 00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:08,480 You know, a wise man once said, 261 00:13:08,510 --> 00:13:13,043 "The thing about humanity is that we get stronger with adversity." 262 00:13:13,050 --> 00:13:14,669 Who said that? Jesus? 263 00:13:14,670 --> 00:13:17,960 No, it was Justin Bieber's dad on Twitter. 264 00:13:17,970 --> 00:13:21,400 The answer to pretty much all of life's questions are on Twitter. 265 00:13:21,420 --> 00:13:22,480 Try there. 266 00:13:22,490 --> 00:13:24,390 So you're not gonna help me? 267 00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:27,280 Oh, I'm not allowed to talk to kids alone. 268 00:13:27,300 --> 00:13:29,060 Not because of anything I did. 269 00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:32,687 It was, you know, all the other dingbats. 270 00:13:35,530 --> 00:13:38,000 Well, I guess I'm on my own, then. 271 00:13:38,020 --> 00:13:40,612 Oh, no, you're not. 272 00:13:44,700 --> 00:13:46,034 Jesus? 273 00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:48,740 I am here to help you with your problem. 274 00:13:48,750 --> 00:13:50,120 You're gonna help me win an Emmy? 275 00:13:50,130 --> 00:13:52,780 Whoa, no, no, no. Your choir problem. 276 00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:55,060 There's some things not even I can do. 277 00:13:55,070 --> 00:13:58,320 - Maybe you can ask your dad? - I'm not gonna ask my dad. 278 00:14:04,780 --> 00:14:07,150 Uh-oh, someone better call Noah, 279 00:14:07,170 --> 00:14:10,400 because I think one of his hippos fell off the ark. 280 00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:12,680 Bible burn. 281 00:14:12,690 --> 00:14:14,880 Come on, guys. I came here to make peace. 282 00:14:14,890 --> 00:14:17,680 And I brought someone with me who I think you'll listen to: 283 00:14:17,700 --> 00:14:19,025 Jesus Christ. 284 00:14:22,780 --> 00:14:25,310 That's not Jesus. Why's he so tan? 285 00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:28,517 Yeah, everyone knows that Jesus was Paul Bettany pale. 286 00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:29,860 Guys, it's really me. 287 00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:32,600 Now, let's talk about the power of forgiveness 288 00:14:32,620 --> 00:14:34,400 while I lean on my own knee. 289 00:14:34,420 --> 00:14:35,959 Ew, look at his toenails. 290 00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:37,627 They're so long and yellow. 291 00:14:37,630 --> 00:14:40,140 They keep growing after you die, okay? 292 00:14:40,170 --> 00:14:41,881 You guys are supposed to listen to me. 293 00:14:44,610 --> 00:14:47,330 Hey, want to know what my favorite book of the Bible is? 294 00:14:47,350 --> 00:14:49,180 The Old Testes-ment. 295 00:14:49,190 --> 00:14:50,600 That's not how you say it. 296 00:14:50,610 --> 00:14:52,142 They're gonna kick you in the schnutz. 297 00:14:53,940 --> 00:14:56,320 Those kids are really mean. 298 00:14:56,340 --> 00:14:58,000 Well, we're taking a new approach. 299 00:14:58,020 --> 00:14:59,680 You're gonna beat the crap out of them, 300 00:14:59,700 --> 00:15:01,120 and I'm gonna help you do it. 301 00:15:01,140 --> 00:15:02,780 But would I be the first person 302 00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:05,940 to be violent to someone else in the name of Jesus Christ? 303 00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:09,033 No, that's kind of religion's whole deal. 304 00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:16,060 Morning. Sorry if I'm walking a little funny. 305 00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:18,710 Crazy night. 306 00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:23,370 Hey, so don't tell anybody, but I slept with Lois last night. 307 00:15:23,380 --> 00:15:25,780 Who are you gonna tell? Chris? 308 00:15:25,790 --> 00:15:26,880 You can tell Chris. 309 00:15:26,890 --> 00:15:28,269 I don't know what you think you're doing, 310 00:15:28,270 --> 00:15:29,819 but it's not what you think you're doing. 311 00:15:29,820 --> 00:15:31,640 Look, all I know is I woke up sideways 312 00:15:31,660 --> 00:15:33,800 on the other end of the bed from where I started. 313 00:15:33,820 --> 00:15:35,500 But tonight is the night. 314 00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:38,271 It is going down. 315 00:15:38,280 --> 00:15:39,820 - What is? - It. 316 00:15:39,830 --> 00:15:42,920 - What's "it"? - Capital "I," capital "T." 317 00:15:42,940 --> 00:15:45,099 - That's still nothing. - Turn on Kenny Loggins, 318 00:15:45,100 --> 00:15:47,480 - because "This Is It." - What? 319 00:15:47,500 --> 00:15:49,240 The IT department called, 320 00:15:49,270 --> 00:15:51,240 and they asked for a lot of RAM. 321 00:15:51,260 --> 00:15:52,639 Well, that one kind of makes sense. 322 00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:55,570 After tonight, Cousin It isn't gonna be the only one 323 00:15:55,580 --> 00:15:57,500 - covered in hair. - Okay, nope. I'm out. 324 00:15:57,520 --> 00:15:59,460 Gonna go finish my coffee in the sunroom. 325 00:16:00,880 --> 00:16:03,060 Chris was FaceTiming with a foot in there. 326 00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:05,000 I'm gonna just call it a day. Go to sleep. 327 00:16:05,020 --> 00:16:06,320 Dogs can just do that. 328 00:16:11,250 --> 00:16:15,475 Does anyone know how to send athlete's foot spray to Romania? 329 00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:23,650 All right, that's all of 'em. 330 00:16:23,660 --> 00:16:26,569 Good. Now go refill all the holy water. 331 00:16:26,570 --> 00:16:27,580 What am I doing here? 332 00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:30,040 Stow the hymnals, dust the altar. 333 00:16:30,050 --> 00:16:31,700 I'm supposed to be training to fight, 334 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:33,480 and you're having me clean the church. 335 00:16:33,500 --> 00:16:35,860 Show me "Sign of the Cross." 336 00:16:37,260 --> 00:16:39,415 No. Really show me. 337 00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:43,962 Now show me "Stow the Hymnals." 338 00:16:46,390 --> 00:16:50,000 Oh, you've been teaching me this whole time. 339 00:16:50,020 --> 00:16:51,820 I love these scenes. 340 00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:54,514 Now show me "Book of Mark." 341 00:16:54,520 --> 00:16:57,433 Ow! I didn't do the reading ones. 342 00:17:03,430 --> 00:17:05,692 Tonight is the night, Rupert. 343 00:17:05,700 --> 00:17:07,000 She's gonna be here any minute, 344 00:17:07,010 --> 00:17:08,940 and I need everything to be perfect. 345 00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:11,600 You finally get to watch, you little freak. 346 00:17:15,660 --> 00:17:18,460 Oh, well, look at you, Mr. Sleepyhead. 347 00:17:18,470 --> 00:17:19,940 Mind if I join you? 348 00:17:19,950 --> 00:17:21,499 Don't mind at all. 349 00:17:23,830 --> 00:17:26,838 Wait. Where's that rippling hot bod? 350 00:17:26,840 --> 00:17:29,540 Oh, it feels good to have my old body back. 351 00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:31,870 I used that Pedalton for three days. 352 00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:33,670 They said that was a world record. 353 00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:36,139 And I am out of here. 354 00:17:37,940 --> 00:17:39,420 No, you can't still watch. 355 00:17:39,430 --> 00:17:41,352 There's nothing to watch. It's not happening. 356 00:17:51,370 --> 00:17:53,531 We told you to get lost, Griffin. 357 00:17:53,540 --> 00:17:55,220 I did get lost. 358 00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:57,035 In the power of Christ. 359 00:17:59,210 --> 00:18:01,039 Go get him, boys. 360 00:18:12,260 --> 00:18:14,580 Looks like someone learned how to fight. 361 00:18:14,590 --> 00:18:16,740 Yeah, I did a whole Karate Kid thing. 362 00:18:16,760 --> 00:18:19,780 What's that? I'm only allowed to watch Kirk Cameron movies. 363 00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:21,768 Aw, you poor dude. 364 00:18:40,930 --> 00:18:43,540 Just give up already. 365 00:18:43,550 --> 00:18:44,916 You're finished. 366 00:18:53,460 --> 00:18:54,470 Finish him. 367 00:19:05,530 --> 00:19:07,780 Yeah! Eat cross! 368 00:19:07,790 --> 00:19:10,700 - You did it, Peter. - Yeah! High five! 369 00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:12,026 Cool scar. 370 00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:20,940 Ow, my balls! 371 00:19:21,810 --> 00:19:23,162 Ow, my balls? 372 00:19:23,170 --> 00:19:25,500 Hey, my voice is back to normal. 373 00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:27,100 Oh, well, look at that. 374 00:19:27,110 --> 00:19:29,180 I guess you can't sing in the choir anymore. 375 00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:30,580 I guess not. 376 00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:32,410 Hey, you guys want to call a truce? 377 00:19:32,430 --> 00:19:34,560 And maybe don't tell your dads I beat you up? 378 00:19:34,570 --> 00:19:36,500 Yeah. That's probably a good idea. 379 00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:38,160 Hey, why you guys so mean anyway? 380 00:19:38,180 --> 00:19:41,040 What did anybody ever do to a bunch of choirboys? 381 00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:44,180 Oh, my stars. 382 00:19:46,660 --> 00:19:49,760 _ 383 00:19:49,790 --> 00:19:53,220 _ 384 00:19:53,830 --> 00:19:56,890 _ 385 00:19:56,920 --> 00:20:00,116 _ 386 00:20:00,340 --> 00:20:03,440 _ 387 00:20:03,470 --> 00:20:06,640 _ 388 00:20:06,930 --> 00:20:10,280 _ 389 00:20:10,300 --> 00:20:13,450 _ 390 00:20:14,270 --> 00:20:17,330 _ 391 00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:20,344 _ 392 00:20:20,370 --> 00:20:22,330 _ 393 00:20:22,360 --> 00:20:25,200 _ 394 00:20:25,820 --> 00:20:28,760 _ 395 00:20:28,790 --> 00:20:31,970 _ 396 00:20:32,790 --> 00:20:35,300 _ 397 00:20:35,330 --> 00:20:38,720 _ 398 00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:42,850 _ 399 00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:47,121 _ 400 00:20:47,830 --> 00:20:49,960 Hi, I'm Lois Griffin. 401 00:20:49,970 --> 00:20:53,180 Please, before you buy one of these pieces of equipment, 402 00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:56,240 think about if it's gonna be better than watching Ozark. 403 00:20:56,260 --> 00:20:57,290 Thank you. 404 00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:00,959 Damn it! Who put that weight there?! 405 00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:05,960 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com -- 29128

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