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1
00:00:14,426 --> 00:00:15,941
I think it's time
2
00:00:15,943 --> 00:00:18,321
we all recognize what this is
and stop ignoring the facts.
3
00:00:18,323 --> 00:00:19,735
Wherever this thing came from,
4
00:00:19,737 --> 00:00:22,666
it's the end of the
world as we know it.
5
00:00:22,668 --> 00:00:25,528
There was before COVID-19
and there was after.
6
00:00:25,530 --> 00:00:28,355
COVID-19 is simply
devastating our world.
7
00:00:28,357 --> 00:00:29,838
We weren't prepared.
8
00:00:29,840 --> 00:00:31,183
We aren't prepared.
9
00:00:31,185 --> 00:00:33,010
The CDC is
expecting the death toll
10
00:00:33,012 --> 00:00:34,562
to be two to five
million people,
11
00:00:34,564 --> 00:00:37,045
and you still have
people out at the stores,
12
00:00:37,047 --> 00:00:40,355
and they are still out
acting like they don't care
13
00:00:40,357 --> 00:00:42,183
that this virus is
right on their doorstep.
14
00:00:42,185 --> 00:00:44,700
Our national food
system is falling apart.
15
00:00:44,702 --> 00:00:47,079
The truck drivers can't get in.
16
00:00:47,081 --> 00:00:50,976
We are going to have rioting
in the streets soon enough.
17
00:00:50,978 --> 00:00:52,666
Experts say
a third of the population
18
00:00:52,668 --> 00:00:54,321
on this planet will be infected,
19
00:00:54,323 --> 00:00:56,873
and of that, 10%
to 20% will die.
20
00:00:56,875 --> 00:00:59,045
We're talking an estimate
of two to three million
21
00:00:59,047 --> 00:01:00,907
dead in this country
by Christmas.
22
00:01:00,909 --> 00:01:02,114
They
played you all the same,
23
00:01:02,116 --> 00:01:04,907
the virus has all of
our services disrupted,
24
00:01:04,909 --> 00:01:07,941
and it is just as bad
all because those people-
25
00:01:07,943 --> 00:01:09,459
- I would
struggle to the ground
26
00:01:09,461 --> 00:01:12,217
trying to grab the
last gallons of milk.
27
00:01:12,219 --> 00:01:15,459
It's bad, people,
it's really bad.
28
00:01:15,461 --> 00:01:17,838
Some of them are
not even wearing masks.
29
00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:20,459
I think more of them
would care but they don't.
30
00:01:20,461 --> 00:01:22,424
This isn't
doom and gloom fake news.
31
00:01:22,426 --> 00:01:24,493
Unemployment is skyrocketing.
32
00:01:24,495 --> 00:01:26,735
The healthcare system is broken.
33
00:01:26,737 --> 00:01:28,804
This
might be the end.
34
00:01:28,806 --> 00:01:31,631
The dead are piling
up in the hospitals.
35
00:01:31,633 --> 00:01:33,079
We're gonna
run out of ventilators.
36
00:01:33,081 --> 00:01:34,321
We are
looking at a pandemic here
37
00:01:34,323 --> 00:01:35,114
that will likely
stretch to years.
38
00:01:35,116 --> 00:01:36,493
Bodies in the streets,
39
00:01:36,495 --> 00:01:39,079
because we do not
know the severity.
40
00:01:39,081 --> 00:01:41,148
If there was ever
a time to panic, this is it.
41
00:01:41,150 --> 00:01:44,116
Welcome, America,
to the new normal.
42
00:01:45,668 --> 00:01:47,459
Picture this, two young
heroes down on their luck,
43
00:01:47,461 --> 00:01:50,079
COVID hits them and mm,
they lose everything.
44
00:01:50,081 --> 00:01:52,045
They're destitute,
they're unemployed.
45
00:01:52,047 --> 00:01:54,045
Audiences at home, they're
sitting there thinking,
46
00:01:54,047 --> 00:01:55,597
"I get this, I'm
feeling this, yo,
47
00:01:55,599 --> 00:01:56,907
they're sympathetic."
48
00:01:56,909 --> 00:01:57,941
So our two young heroes
go out and do something
49
00:01:57,943 --> 00:01:59,252
they would normally never do.
50
00:01:59,254 --> 00:02:01,217
They become pandemic
journalists,
51
00:02:01,219 --> 00:02:02,873
only they're paid per click.
52
00:02:02,875 --> 00:02:05,562
So they start generating
ridiculous statistics and stories
53
00:02:05,564 --> 00:02:08,010
and peddle fear to the
masses and it works so well,
54
00:02:08,012 --> 00:02:10,286
that they make a fortune
and buy an island.
55
00:02:10,288 --> 00:02:12,114
The problem is the world
is so caked in fear,
56
00:02:12,116 --> 00:02:13,562
that it goes Lord of the Flies.
57
00:02:13,564 --> 00:02:14,700
But our two young
guys, you know,
58
00:02:14,702 --> 00:02:15,873
they're on the
beach in flip flops
59
00:02:15,875 --> 00:02:17,183
drinking umbrella drinks, right?
60
00:02:17,185 --> 00:02:20,217
One of them starts
coughing, and
61
00:02:20,219 --> 00:02:22,148
oh man, he's got the 'rona!
62
00:02:22,150 --> 00:02:23,321
Turns out the whole thing
63
00:02:23,323 --> 00:02:24,838
was a cautionary
tale the whole time!
64
00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:26,355
They should have just stayed
home with their families,
65
00:02:26,357 --> 00:02:27,493
you know, and
enjoyed the time off.
66
00:02:27,495 --> 00:02:28,668
They both die.
67
00:02:30,530 --> 00:02:32,666
Now, you give me
four to five weeks,
68
00:02:32,668 --> 00:02:35,907
micro budget, ample
crew members and cast,
69
00:02:35,909 --> 00:02:38,148
you know, we can turn this
around for AVOD, SVOD,
70
00:02:38,150 --> 00:02:39,390
whatever you need.
71
00:02:39,392 --> 00:02:40,631
The unions would
never go for it.
72
00:02:40,633 --> 00:02:42,114
I'm sorry, Jack,
73
00:02:42,116 --> 00:02:44,528
but the entire film
industry is dead for now.
74
00:02:44,530 --> 00:02:45,597
It's just the way it is.
75
00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:47,010
For how long, Steve?
76
00:02:47,012 --> 00:02:49,010
Projections say it's
gonna take about six months
77
00:02:49,012 --> 00:02:50,321
for this to blow through.
78
00:02:50,323 --> 00:02:51,873
Do you think I should
bring my dogs this time
79
00:02:51,875 --> 00:02:53,493
and keep them away from people?
80
00:02:53,495 --> 00:02:54,321
- Do they need a mask?
- Starting production
81
00:02:54,323 --> 00:02:55,804
may be 2021.
82
00:02:55,806 --> 00:02:57,493
Steve, I can't
wait that long, man.
83
00:02:57,495 --> 00:02:58,804
The world may be closed down,
84
00:02:58,806 --> 00:03:00,804
but no one told my
mortgage company.
85
00:03:00,806 --> 00:03:04,079
Look, do you think
your call is the only one
86
00:03:04,081 --> 00:03:08,528
that I'm gonna have to
make like this today?
87
00:03:11,702 --> 00:03:13,185
Howdy, neighbor.
88
00:03:17,219 --> 00:03:18,562
Hey, Nerman.
89
00:03:18,564 --> 00:03:20,252
What's up?
90
00:03:20,254 --> 00:03:22,495
Just being non-essential.
91
00:03:23,771 --> 00:03:26,875
Hey man, you got
toilet paper issues?
92
00:03:27,909 --> 00:03:29,217
What?
93
00:03:29,219 --> 00:03:30,873
We're collecting it
down at the mission
94
00:03:30,875 --> 00:03:32,045
for the needy people,
95
00:03:32,047 --> 00:03:34,873
what with the pandemic
and everything.
96
00:03:34,875 --> 00:03:36,045
I don't know.
97
00:03:36,047 --> 00:03:38,907
Me personally, I
always use baby wipes.
98
00:03:38,909 --> 00:03:40,562
You're not supposed
to do that, of course,
99
00:03:40,564 --> 00:03:43,599
it screws up the
pipes, but you know.
100
00:03:45,185 --> 00:03:46,528
No, I don't.
101
00:03:46,530 --> 00:03:47,771
Yeah, you do.
102
00:03:49,012 --> 00:03:51,941
Anyways, I asked Miss
Carter up the street,
103
00:03:51,943 --> 00:03:54,875
I asked Willie,
they were both out.
104
00:03:56,288 --> 00:03:59,355
Nerman, this is an
office parking lot, man.
105
00:03:59,357 --> 00:04:00,219
Yeah.
106
00:04:02,943 --> 00:04:04,838
Your house is over there.
107
00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:05,668
Yeah.
108
00:04:06,943 --> 00:04:08,321
You wanna go get
set up over there?
109
00:04:08,323 --> 00:04:11,426
No, man, there's
no sun over there.
110
00:04:14,564 --> 00:04:16,286
Nerman, there's no sun here.
111
00:04:16,288 --> 00:04:17,633
There will be.
112
00:04:19,288 --> 00:04:22,079
Hey, you like my new cooler?
113
00:04:22,081 --> 00:04:23,976
Got it with my stimulus check.
114
00:04:23,978 --> 00:04:25,976
Also got a new gecko.
115
00:04:25,978 --> 00:04:27,633
Named him Mr. Gecko.
116
00:04:32,771 --> 00:04:34,390
You're not essential.
117
00:04:34,392 --> 00:04:35,873
Ouch.
118
00:04:35,875 --> 00:04:37,424
The governor's office says
you've gotta close down.
119
00:04:37,426 --> 00:04:41,528
Your business is basically
a giant Petri dish.
120
00:04:41,530 --> 00:04:44,252
In order to hashtag
flatten the curve,
121
00:04:44,254 --> 00:04:47,047
businesses like
yours, cess pools,
122
00:04:48,461 --> 00:04:49,700
are going to have to close
123
00:04:49,702 --> 00:04:51,424
until we can get this
pandemic under control.
124
00:04:51,426 --> 00:04:54,631
Nobody is more of a
germaphobe than I am.
125
00:04:54,633 --> 00:04:57,459
I was wearing PPEs before
all of this even happened.
126
00:04:57,461 --> 00:05:00,666
I've created a chart on how
to stay away from the virus
127
00:05:00,668 --> 00:05:04,355
and get the body that
you've always wanted.
128
00:05:04,357 --> 00:05:07,597
Step one, we're gonna
wear trash bags!
129
00:05:07,599 --> 00:05:09,321
We can throw them
away afterwards,
130
00:05:09,323 --> 00:05:11,183
and they're good
for water weight.
131
00:05:11,185 --> 00:05:12,010
Step two-
132
00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:13,183
- I'm sorry.
133
00:05:13,185 --> 00:05:14,666
You have to close.
134
00:05:14,668 --> 00:05:16,217
It's for your safety.
135
00:05:16,219 --> 00:05:19,183
But shouldn't I get a chance
to decide what's safe for me?
136
00:05:19,185 --> 00:05:20,666
Oh please.
137
00:05:20,668 --> 00:05:23,079
You have to think about others.
138
00:05:23,081 --> 00:05:25,217
It's not about you, you know.
139
00:05:25,219 --> 00:05:26,838
Only essentials
are staying open.
140
00:05:26,840 --> 00:05:28,355
But I am essential.
141
00:05:28,357 --> 00:05:30,666
When people don't work out,
the muscle turns into fat.
142
00:05:30,668 --> 00:05:32,838
And when people get
fat, they get diabetes,
143
00:05:32,840 --> 00:05:34,528
and when they get diabetes,
144
00:05:34,530 --> 00:05:36,286
they flood the hospital systems.
145
00:05:36,288 --> 00:05:37,735
Think about it.
146
00:05:37,737 --> 00:05:42,010
Fitness instructors, we're
really in the line of fire here.
147
00:05:42,012 --> 00:05:44,840
I'm sorry, hashtag
stay at home.
148
00:05:45,909 --> 00:05:48,010
We can beat this.
149
00:05:48,012 --> 00:05:49,838
But we all have to do our part.
150
00:05:49,840 --> 00:05:52,047
We're all in this together.
151
00:05:57,150 --> 00:05:58,631
Are we?
152
00:06:03,909 --> 00:06:04,804
Hey.
153
00:06:04,806 --> 00:06:05,976
How'd you go?
154
00:06:05,978 --> 00:06:09,079
Well, closed me down,
for my own safety.
155
00:06:09,081 --> 00:06:11,217
Oh, I'm sorry Dad.
156
00:06:11,219 --> 00:06:13,286
Well, at least I
won't get the virus.
157
00:06:13,288 --> 00:06:15,493
We can bring back Funday Monday.
158
00:06:15,495 --> 00:06:18,735
And, I've got something for us.
159
00:06:18,737 --> 00:06:19,562
Really?
160
00:06:19,564 --> 00:06:21,148
What?
161
00:06:21,150 --> 00:06:22,700
Marbles!
162
00:06:22,702 --> 00:06:24,079
They came in the mail today.
163
00:06:24,081 --> 00:06:24,976
Marbles?
164
00:06:24,978 --> 00:06:26,493
Like the little kids' toy?
165
00:06:26,495 --> 00:06:29,493
Yeah, like a marble race.
166
00:06:29,495 --> 00:06:32,079
I saw it on YouTube,
it's awesome.
167
00:06:32,081 --> 00:06:34,737
So you just watch the marbles.
168
00:06:36,219 --> 00:06:39,941
Like, a marble race, you
watch 'em go down the hill.
169
00:06:39,943 --> 00:06:41,424
Dad, I can't.
170
00:06:41,426 --> 00:06:43,321
I'm doing a watch party
tonight with my friends.
171
00:06:43,323 --> 00:06:45,562
But, but you're not
supposed to go anywhere.
172
00:06:45,564 --> 00:06:47,079
Everything is shut down.
173
00:06:47,081 --> 00:06:50,079
It's online, we're doing
it through a group meeting.
174
00:06:50,081 --> 00:06:51,390
That sounds like the worst.
175
00:06:51,392 --> 00:06:53,217
It's being alone together.
176
00:06:53,219 --> 00:06:54,769
It's part of the fun.
177
00:06:54,771 --> 00:06:57,079
We can do your marble
thing another day.
178
00:06:57,081 --> 00:06:58,252
Marble race.
179
00:06:58,254 --> 00:06:59,562
Right.
180
00:06:59,564 --> 00:07:01,769
All right, well,
181
00:07:01,771 --> 00:07:04,321
see you when I get home.
182
00:07:15,357 --> 00:07:16,185
Oh no!
183
00:07:37,530 --> 00:07:39,045
Netflix isn't working.
184
00:07:39,047 --> 00:07:40,631
I know.
185
00:07:40,633 --> 00:07:42,424
My students are gonna be
logging in in 10 minutes.
186
00:07:42,426 --> 00:07:43,804
Okay.
187
00:07:43,806 --> 00:07:45,459
Did you find my...
188
00:07:47,116 --> 00:07:48,148
We're not gonna
survive being locked up
189
00:07:48,150 --> 00:07:49,217
in here with these animals.
190
00:07:49,219 --> 00:07:50,530
I found these.
191
00:07:51,702 --> 00:07:53,873
Also, I told Uncle Bernie
192
00:07:53,875 --> 00:07:55,769
that you'd bring
him some groceries.
193
00:07:55,771 --> 00:07:56,976
Why?
194
00:07:56,978 --> 00:07:59,286
'Cause he's in the
vulnerable age group.
195
00:07:59,288 --> 00:08:03,321
I did make you some hand
sanitizer to take with you.
196
00:08:05,012 --> 00:08:05,873
It's wonderful.
197
00:08:05,875 --> 00:08:06,873
So, Netflix.
198
00:08:06,875 --> 00:08:08,045
I canceled it.
199
00:08:08,047 --> 00:08:10,390
I'm canceling
anything, everything.
200
00:08:10,392 --> 00:08:13,185
We're being hashtag
poor together.
201
00:08:29,357 --> 00:08:30,390
What are you doing?
202
00:08:30,392 --> 00:08:31,528
What?
203
00:08:31,530 --> 00:08:32,493
Let's go!
204
00:08:32,495 --> 00:08:34,045
Invade Poland?
205
00:08:34,047 --> 00:08:35,252
It's a precaution.
206
00:08:35,254 --> 00:08:36,217
Is that what
you're calling it?
207
00:08:36,219 --> 00:08:37,114
That's not what I'm calling it.
208
00:08:37,116 --> 00:08:38,700
What are you calling it?
209
00:08:38,702 --> 00:08:39,493
I don't wanna say, don't
wanna hurt your feelings.
210
00:08:39,495 --> 00:08:40,323
Now Punch,
211
00:08:41,806 --> 00:08:44,321
you're in a car, man, and
I'm not a getaway driver.
212
00:08:44,323 --> 00:08:45,804
Sure.
213
00:08:45,806 --> 00:08:49,183
They say that the virus is more
attracted to people like me.
214
00:08:49,185 --> 00:08:50,010
Big people?
215
00:08:50,012 --> 00:08:51,804
People born in July.
216
00:08:51,806 --> 00:08:54,700
They're saying, like, something
about summer month babies,
217
00:08:54,702 --> 00:08:58,286
and we have more pores,
and because of the heat.
218
00:08:58,288 --> 00:08:59,217
Okay, you know what?
219
00:08:59,219 --> 00:09:00,183
You see this?
220
00:09:00,185 --> 00:09:01,459
This is the problem right here.
221
00:09:01,461 --> 00:09:03,666
Dude, you don't
have any gloves on?
222
00:09:03,668 --> 00:09:04,838
- What is wrong with you?
- You know what?
223
00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:06,355
Look at you.
224
00:09:06,357 --> 00:09:07,804
- Stop it, stop it, stop it!
- Oh, you got the corona now?
225
00:09:07,806 --> 00:09:09,528
- You got the 'rona now!
- It's transmitted by touch,
226
00:09:09,530 --> 00:09:11,459
stop it, if it gets
into your orifices!
227
00:09:11,461 --> 00:09:12,769
Look at you!
228
00:09:12,771 --> 00:09:14,286
If anybody saw you like this-
229
00:09:14,288 --> 00:09:19,010
- You're crazy, you gotta
take the virus seriously, man!
230
00:09:19,012 --> 00:09:21,528
Katie made this from a
concoction of essential oils
231
00:09:21,530 --> 00:09:24,148
she got from that time she got
scammed by the church women.
232
00:09:24,150 --> 00:09:28,114
Kills everything,
viruses, bacteria, weeds.
233
00:09:28,116 --> 00:09:32,459
Put a little on my chest,
all the hair, gone.
234
00:09:32,461 --> 00:09:33,286
Want a feel?
235
00:09:33,288 --> 00:09:34,666
No, I'm good.
236
00:09:34,668 --> 00:09:35,941
She doesn't like it either.
237
00:09:35,943 --> 00:09:38,769
Now please, get
in the front seat.
238
00:09:43,668 --> 00:09:44,495
Mask.
239
00:09:46,116 --> 00:09:49,252
There you go, not
about to go rob a bank.
240
00:09:49,254 --> 00:09:50,941
What's up, dude?
241
00:09:50,943 --> 00:09:51,771
Really?
242
00:09:57,771 --> 00:09:59,493
If you're my getaway driver,
243
00:09:59,495 --> 00:10:01,148
what the heck are you
getting away from?
244
00:10:01,150 --> 00:10:03,424
Just give it a minute.
245
00:10:03,426 --> 00:10:05,769
Just gotta be finessed.
246
00:10:05,771 --> 00:10:07,941
Ah!
247
00:10:07,943 --> 00:10:10,424
There we go, told you.
248
00:10:17,771 --> 00:10:19,838
Mom, you can't be serious.
249
00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:21,631
It's Tuesday.
250
00:10:21,633 --> 00:10:24,666
It's the day I play bones,
and bones I shall play.
251
00:10:24,668 --> 00:10:26,459
But you're supposed
to stay at home.
252
00:10:26,461 --> 00:10:29,424
Everybody's supposed
to stay at home.
253
00:10:29,426 --> 00:10:31,183
You're supposed to
shelter in place.
254
00:10:31,185 --> 00:10:32,459
I'll be fine.
255
00:10:32,461 --> 00:10:35,493
Plus, I lost last
week to Queenie,
256
00:10:35,495 --> 00:10:37,976
and you know I'm not gonna
let that happen again.
257
00:10:37,978 --> 00:10:41,873
Mom, you're at the
death age, you're over 60.
258
00:10:41,875 --> 00:10:43,873
They're saying that they won't
even treat you at hospitals.
259
00:10:43,875 --> 00:10:46,976
I'm going on my run,
then I'm gonna play bones,
260
00:10:46,978 --> 00:10:49,321
'cause it's Tuesday, and
that's what I do on Tuesdays,
261
00:10:49,323 --> 00:10:52,183
and I'm not going to
live my life in fear.
262
00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:53,597
It's a pandemic, Mom.
263
00:10:53,599 --> 00:10:56,079
You should have
fear, it's healthy.
264
00:10:56,081 --> 00:10:58,355
I'm not afraid, I'm not.
265
00:10:58,357 --> 00:11:00,873
And you boys know why.
266
00:11:00,875 --> 00:11:02,562
- Don't say it.
- Because God
267
00:11:02,564 --> 00:11:03,873
says not to fear.
268
00:11:03,875 --> 00:11:05,355
I'm trying to protect you.
269
00:11:05,357 --> 00:11:07,873
God is protecting me
right now, can't you see?
270
00:11:07,875 --> 00:11:10,804
Look what he's doing
already for me.
271
00:11:10,806 --> 00:11:11,838
I bought those!
272
00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:13,010
I helped.
273
00:11:13,012 --> 00:11:14,493
You're not supposed
to be outside,
274
00:11:14,495 --> 00:11:17,321
there's a pandemic,
and you might die.
275
00:11:17,323 --> 00:11:19,804
To live in fear is a choice.
276
00:11:19,806 --> 00:11:21,976
Now, I'm gonna put
this things up,
277
00:11:21,978 --> 00:11:24,217
and then I'm heading
out to Queens,
278
00:11:24,219 --> 00:11:25,528
and that's the end of it.
279
00:11:25,530 --> 00:11:26,702
I have spoken.
280
00:11:30,288 --> 00:11:32,355
She's spoken.
281
00:11:32,357 --> 00:11:33,873
I'm going to Cabo.
282
00:11:33,875 --> 00:11:36,631
Uncle Bernie, you do know
that the world is closed.
283
00:11:36,633 --> 00:11:37,873
The tickets cost $98.
284
00:11:37,875 --> 00:11:40,804
Because the world is closed.
285
00:11:40,806 --> 00:11:42,321
I'm retiring.
286
00:11:42,323 --> 00:11:44,252
I bought six months of Cabo.
287
00:11:44,254 --> 00:11:47,562
After that, who
knows, maybe Florence.
288
00:11:47,564 --> 00:11:48,528
Italy?
289
00:11:48,530 --> 00:11:50,183
You do know about Italy, right?
290
00:11:50,185 --> 00:11:52,355
I heard it's just beautiful.
291
00:11:52,357 --> 00:11:55,252
I'm gonna leave in four
weeks, which brings me to you.
292
00:11:55,254 --> 00:11:57,631
Katie said that
your job is caput.
293
00:11:57,633 --> 00:11:59,183
That's a harsh word for it.
294
00:11:59,185 --> 00:12:01,631
Thing is, my business,
it's not the kinda thing
295
00:12:01,633 --> 00:12:03,252
I can just walk away from.
296
00:12:03,254 --> 00:12:04,907
I got a lot of balls in the air.
297
00:12:04,909 --> 00:12:06,562
I want you to take over.
298
00:12:06,564 --> 00:12:09,424
You can use Punch here
until he gets a real job.
299
00:12:09,426 --> 00:12:11,976
I do have a job, I'm
a fitness instructor.
300
00:12:11,978 --> 00:12:13,735
What happened to
the doctor thing?
301
00:12:13,737 --> 00:12:15,737
Physical therapy, and,
302
00:12:17,875 --> 00:12:20,079
I didn't make it.
303
00:12:20,081 --> 00:12:22,562
Punchy can't do blood.
304
00:12:25,219 --> 00:12:26,700
Well, okay.
305
00:12:26,702 --> 00:12:29,045
You can sell, Punch'll
be the muscle.
306
00:12:29,047 --> 00:12:31,771
What exactly is
it that you do?
307
00:12:41,771 --> 00:12:45,941
He's a hit man, Uncle
Bernie's a hit man.
308
00:12:45,943 --> 00:12:48,873
Boys, I'm an arms dealer.
309
00:12:48,875 --> 00:12:50,286
So, illegal?
310
00:12:50,288 --> 00:12:53,631
Privatized gun
shows, it's a service.
311
00:12:53,633 --> 00:12:56,148
Take this gun right here.
312
00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:58,493
It's a Cobalt, nine millimeter.
313
00:12:58,495 --> 00:13:01,804
6.1 inch barrel, five and
a half pound trigger pull.
314
00:13:01,806 --> 00:13:04,321
That'll run you up $600
at a typical gun show.
315
00:13:04,323 --> 00:13:06,010
Why?
316
00:13:06,012 --> 00:13:10,010
Clean, off the books,
not captured on any cameras anywhere.
317
00:13:10,012 --> 00:13:13,804
To the right buyer, that thing
is worth a couple of grand.
318
00:13:16,288 --> 00:13:17,666
So that's what I do.
319
00:13:17,668 --> 00:13:19,321
I host gun shows
for those people.
320
00:13:19,323 --> 00:13:21,323
Just privately, to order,
321
00:13:22,840 --> 00:13:24,804
out of the back of my car.
322
00:13:24,806 --> 00:13:28,148
And it's not illegal,
I'm registered.
323
00:13:28,150 --> 00:13:30,321
I got it from the same
site I was ordained
324
00:13:30,323 --> 00:13:31,976
as a minister so I
could do weddings.
325
00:13:31,978 --> 00:13:34,804
So, are all these
boxes filled with guns?
326
00:13:34,806 --> 00:13:37,321
No, don't be silly,
I'm an entrepreneur.
327
00:13:37,323 --> 00:13:41,355
First sign of trouble over
in Wuhan, I bought up.
328
00:13:41,357 --> 00:13:44,840
Boys, you got toilet
paper, masks, gloves,
329
00:13:46,495 --> 00:13:49,668
hand sanitizer, PPE,
the whole shebang.
330
00:13:51,495 --> 00:13:53,217
The street market
value of this stuff
331
00:13:53,219 --> 00:13:55,631
is 400% to 800% above market.
332
00:13:55,633 --> 00:13:56,873
He's one of the crazy people
333
00:13:56,875 --> 00:13:59,217
that bought up all
the toilet paper.
334
00:13:59,219 --> 00:14:02,355
Uncle Bernie, are you
scalping toilet paper
335
00:14:02,357 --> 00:14:03,700
on the internet?
336
00:14:03,702 --> 00:14:05,700
No, of course not,
don't be ridiculous.
337
00:14:05,702 --> 00:14:07,045
That's good.
338
00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:08,873
I sell to the dealers,
339
00:14:08,875 --> 00:14:11,114
they scalp the stuff
on the internet.
340
00:14:11,116 --> 00:14:13,355
That's not better.
341
00:14:13,357 --> 00:14:16,390
They're getting $5 a roll,
342
00:14:16,392 --> 00:14:17,907
and that's after shipping.
343
00:14:17,909 --> 00:14:20,424
Between what I've got
here and my storage unit,
344
00:14:20,426 --> 00:14:23,668
I've got 18,000 rolls,
you do the math.
345
00:14:26,909 --> 00:14:30,907
Six feet, six feet,
that's not six feet.
346
00:14:30,909 --> 00:14:33,217
I've got somebody else
I can go to with this,
347
00:14:33,219 --> 00:14:34,735
but things being what they are,
348
00:14:34,737 --> 00:14:36,390
you might not work for months,
349
00:14:36,392 --> 00:14:39,217
and you've got all those
kids to think about.
350
00:14:39,219 --> 00:14:43,045
You're my nephew, I wanna
keep it in the family.
351
00:14:43,047 --> 00:14:47,873
And these guns here, well,
they'll never go out of business.
352
00:14:47,875 --> 00:14:50,286
You should think about it.
353
00:14:54,392 --> 00:14:56,700
All these boxes
are from China,
354
00:14:56,702 --> 00:14:58,875
where the virus came from.
355
00:15:09,530 --> 00:15:11,978
Daddy, I have some bad news.
356
00:15:14,288 --> 00:15:15,941
The zombie ducks are coming
357
00:15:15,943 --> 00:15:18,666
and I don't think
you will make it.
358
00:15:21,978 --> 00:15:23,183
Where do you see yourself
in the next five years?
359
00:15:23,185 --> 00:15:24,976
I don't care if you feel good,
360
00:15:24,978 --> 00:15:27,769
you cannot get, you cannot
be without your pants.
361
00:15:27,771 --> 00:15:29,079
- Sorry.
- I'm sorry,
362
00:15:29,081 --> 00:15:30,631
I didn't hear you,
can you redo that?
363
00:15:30,633 --> 00:15:31,941
It's not right.
364
00:15:31,943 --> 00:15:33,804
Excuse me, how do I
get my email address?
365
00:15:33,806 --> 00:15:35,769
Yeah, guys, I'm
getting a really bad connection.
366
00:15:35,771 --> 00:15:36,941
I'm sorry, I didn't get that,
367
00:15:36,943 --> 00:15:38,597
can you mute the other people?
368
00:15:38,599 --> 00:15:40,909
So, mute everyone else, I-
369
00:15:42,116 --> 00:15:43,941
- I think you
muted yourself, Cady.
370
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:45,804
Your mouth is moving, but-
371
00:15:45,806 --> 00:15:47,838
Hiya, so sorry people,
372
00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:49,355
I think I did the wrong-
373
00:15:49,357 --> 00:15:52,493
- You're the admin, so you
have to mute the people.
374
00:15:52,495 --> 00:15:53,909
Hiya, hi there.
375
00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:57,459
Hi, hey.
376
00:15:57,461 --> 00:15:58,941
Go get your pants
on, Constance.
377
00:15:58,943 --> 00:16:00,183
You can mute the other people
378
00:16:00,185 --> 00:16:02,252
in the group, all of them.
379
00:16:02,254 --> 00:16:03,666
I'm new to this
whole online thing.
380
00:16:03,668 --> 00:16:05,321
Do not grab
yourself like that!
381
00:16:05,323 --> 00:16:06,838
So, is this
the jiu jitsu meeting?
382
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:10,355
So, like, how are we
supposed to run around?
383
00:16:10,357 --> 00:16:13,217
They'll get hot and
stuff with the masks on,
384
00:16:13,219 --> 00:16:15,148
it's like, super hot in there-
385
00:16:15,150 --> 00:16:16,390
- Okay, I'm not-
386
00:16:17,633 --> 00:16:18,459
Goodbye.
387
00:16:18,461 --> 00:16:19,666
Howdy, neighbor.
388
00:16:19,668 --> 00:16:20,838
Wondered if you
would like to support
389
00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:22,840
your healthcare workers.
390
00:16:23,875 --> 00:16:25,838
Yeah, why not, why not?
391
00:16:25,840 --> 00:16:27,875
Just stick it over there.
392
00:16:33,806 --> 00:16:35,355
That looks pretty
good now, don't it?
393
00:16:35,357 --> 00:16:37,355
It looks wonderful.
394
00:16:37,357 --> 00:16:39,010
It looks amazing.
395
00:16:39,012 --> 00:16:40,668
That'll be 30 bucks.
396
00:16:41,737 --> 00:16:43,010
30 bucks?
397
00:16:43,012 --> 00:16:44,183
I don't care about the
nurses that much, man.
398
00:16:44,185 --> 00:16:45,976
Don't say that.
399
00:16:45,978 --> 00:16:48,355
It might come down to
you, one other patient,
400
00:16:48,357 --> 00:16:49,976
and one ventilator,
401
00:16:49,978 --> 00:16:51,873
and who do you think's
gonna make that call?
402
00:16:51,875 --> 00:16:54,010
They ain't gonna
choose you, man.
403
00:16:54,012 --> 00:16:56,907
They're gonna let you die.
404
00:16:56,909 --> 00:16:59,321
30 bucks looks pretty good now.
405
00:16:59,323 --> 00:17:02,252
Okay.
406
00:17:04,702 --> 00:17:07,702
Daddy, why are
you wearing a mask?
407
00:17:10,633 --> 00:17:13,459
Well buddy, because I have to.
408
00:17:13,461 --> 00:17:15,286
Because they make
me, but don't worry,
409
00:17:15,288 --> 00:17:16,562
we're flattening
the curve together,
410
00:17:16,564 --> 00:17:17,769
it'll only take
a few more weeks.
411
00:17:17,771 --> 00:17:20,735
Daddy, can we please
do zombie ducks now?
412
00:17:20,737 --> 00:17:22,424
Buddy, now is
not the best time.
413
00:17:22,426 --> 00:17:25,390
Zombie ducks never
come at a good time.
414
00:17:25,392 --> 00:17:27,771
That's what makes them scary.
415
00:17:38,323 --> 00:17:41,737
Pete, I thought you
said you had a gym.
416
00:17:43,943 --> 00:17:45,597
I do.
417
00:17:45,599 --> 00:17:49,424
This is it, I bought
it off the internet.
418
00:17:53,530 --> 00:17:56,355
Dave, what are you doing?
419
00:17:56,357 --> 00:17:58,459
Thrust squats.
420
00:18:00,495 --> 00:18:01,838
That's not a thing.
421
00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:03,390
Oh yeah it is.
422
00:18:03,392 --> 00:18:05,909
It burns, it burns really good.
423
00:18:10,978 --> 00:18:12,804
Billy, what?
424
00:18:12,806 --> 00:18:13,976
Why aren't you dressed?
425
00:18:13,978 --> 00:18:15,838
I haven't seen
anybody in 10 days.
426
00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:18,010
I'm stuck in this house.
427
00:18:18,012 --> 00:18:20,528
I thought maybe you could hang
out for a while, you know?
428
00:18:20,530 --> 00:18:23,114
I mean, we could
sit on the couch,
429
00:18:23,116 --> 00:18:25,323
watch a movie or something.
430
00:18:26,357 --> 00:18:28,909
I feel really lonely, you know?
431
00:18:30,150 --> 00:18:33,806
10 feet times 100
pounds every 10 seconds?
432
00:18:39,530 --> 00:18:41,909
That is not making any sense.
433
00:18:43,116 --> 00:18:46,562
So how long's the
virus gonna go on?
434
00:18:46,564 --> 00:18:48,700
That's the million
dollar question, buddy.
435
00:18:48,702 --> 00:18:49,530
PTUs?
436
00:18:51,047 --> 00:18:56,012
If it goes on for a long
time, will you run outta money?
437
00:18:56,943 --> 00:18:59,217
No buddy, we're gonna be fine.
438
00:18:59,219 --> 00:19:01,875
We're gonna be fine, I promise.
439
00:19:03,702 --> 00:19:06,528
I think that you're gonna
have to just read this
440
00:19:06,530 --> 00:19:08,599
and try to figure it out.
441
00:19:14,702 --> 00:19:16,355
I'm thinking about it.
442
00:19:16,357 --> 00:19:17,804
I don't know, man.
443
00:19:17,806 --> 00:19:21,079
I can make it six weeks
before I'm outta cash.
444
00:19:21,081 --> 00:19:23,390
I think it's time for
extraordinary options.
445
00:19:23,392 --> 00:19:25,217
The whole point is
to stay in the house
446
00:19:25,219 --> 00:19:26,735
and don't get sick.
447
00:19:26,737 --> 00:19:28,562
Are you seriously worried
about the virus right now?
448
00:19:28,564 --> 00:19:29,528
Yeah!
449
00:19:29,530 --> 00:19:30,666
Are you not watching the news?
450
00:19:30,668 --> 00:19:32,459
No, I'm not watching the news,
451
00:19:32,461 --> 00:19:34,045
they're making a
killing off this.
452
00:19:34,047 --> 00:19:36,907
Never trust anybody
peddling fear
453
00:19:36,909 --> 00:19:38,390
if they're making
money off of it.
454
00:19:38,392 --> 00:19:40,459
Man, they say it can
last in the air for like,
455
00:19:40,461 --> 00:19:44,217
two hours, or four
hours, or even days.
456
00:19:44,219 --> 00:19:45,873
That it likes moisture,
457
00:19:45,875 --> 00:19:47,941
but thrives off of
dry environments.
458
00:19:47,943 --> 00:19:51,045
Okay, forget about
the virus, man!
459
00:19:51,047 --> 00:19:53,838
I'm gonna be broke and
destitute with five kids to feed
460
00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:55,873
before this things
works itself out.
461
00:19:55,875 --> 00:19:58,769
Dude, what could
possibly go wrong?
462
00:19:58,771 --> 00:20:01,700
We could die, we
could go to jail,
463
00:20:01,702 --> 00:20:05,217
we could get arrested,
we could lose everything,
464
00:20:05,219 --> 00:20:06,599
and we could die.
465
00:20:07,668 --> 00:20:09,528
But seriously.
466
00:20:09,530 --> 00:20:12,010
We could die, we
could go to jail,
467
00:20:12,012 --> 00:20:15,252
we could get arrested,
we could lose everything,
468
00:20:15,254 --> 00:20:16,668
and we could die.
469
00:20:19,599 --> 00:20:21,390
Yeah, but come on.
470
00:20:21,392 --> 00:20:24,079
Hey, um, I'm
really gonna have to cancel
471
00:20:24,081 --> 00:20:25,217
the marble race tonight.
472
00:20:25,219 --> 00:20:27,045
Oh, okay, that's no big deal.
473
00:20:27,047 --> 00:20:31,735
But hey, me and you,
tomorrow though, I promise.
474
00:20:31,737 --> 00:20:33,079
Mm hmm.
475
00:20:33,081 --> 00:20:34,907
It's a date, and
I won't be late.
476
00:20:34,909 --> 00:20:35,737
Okay.
477
00:20:39,185 --> 00:20:41,530
Okay boys, rule number one.
478
00:20:42,668 --> 00:20:44,355
Don't get shot.
479
00:20:44,357 --> 00:20:47,941
This applies to guns
and hand sanitizers.
480
00:20:47,943 --> 00:20:52,252
Oh, and by the way, side
rule, always wear gloves.
481
00:20:52,254 --> 00:20:56,079
You don't wanna get your
skin oils on the merchandise.
482
00:20:56,081 --> 00:20:58,873
I can see Punch is already
good with this one.
483
00:20:58,875 --> 00:21:00,769
It's for the virus.
484
00:21:00,771 --> 00:21:02,976
We don't wanna catch a cold.
485
00:21:02,978 --> 00:21:03,735
COVID.
486
00:21:03,737 --> 00:21:04,737
Bless you.
487
00:21:06,875 --> 00:21:10,286
Rule number two, always
meet in a public place.
488
00:21:11,702 --> 00:21:14,183
Now, this may seem
counterintuitive,
489
00:21:14,185 --> 00:21:16,666
but you're a lot less likely
to break rule number one
490
00:21:16,668 --> 00:21:18,909
when there's people around.
491
00:21:26,943 --> 00:21:31,875
Rule number three, you walk
at the first sign of trouble.
492
00:21:33,116 --> 00:21:33,907
The hair stands up on
the back of your neck,
493
00:21:33,909 --> 00:21:35,461
you leave, no sale.
494
00:21:36,978 --> 00:21:39,941
And the most important rule,
don't forget rule number one.
495
00:21:39,943 --> 00:21:42,597
How do we know that this
guy's not some crazy person?
496
00:21:42,599 --> 00:21:45,183
I only deal with
people that I know,
497
00:21:45,185 --> 00:21:49,010
and referrals that
have the password.
498
00:21:49,012 --> 00:21:51,597
If they don't know
it, I don't deal,
499
00:21:51,599 --> 00:21:54,150
which now means you don't deal.
500
00:21:58,288 --> 00:22:00,148
I cannot believe
we are doing this
501
00:22:00,150 --> 00:22:02,321
in a church parking lot.
502
00:22:02,323 --> 00:22:04,355
It's a Thursday.
503
00:22:04,357 --> 00:22:06,392
Wait, this is a church?
504
00:22:10,357 --> 00:22:11,459
I think I'm gonna spray him.
505
00:22:11,461 --> 00:22:12,390
No.
506
00:22:12,392 --> 00:22:14,978
I think I'm gonna do it, yeah.
507
00:22:16,530 --> 00:22:19,528
Good evening, welcome
to the gun show.
508
00:22:19,530 --> 00:22:22,355
Please note my license,
it's a legal thing,
509
00:22:22,357 --> 00:22:23,873
so forth, so such.
510
00:22:23,875 --> 00:22:27,183
We've got some state guidelines
for social gathering,
511
00:22:27,185 --> 00:22:29,252
the old section 418.
512
00:22:29,254 --> 00:22:31,010
He could have been anywhere.
513
00:22:31,012 --> 00:22:32,493
Okay.
514
00:22:32,495 --> 00:22:35,838
Uncle Bernie's is officially
open for business.
515
00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:38,010
For the next 20 minutes.
516
00:22:38,012 --> 00:22:39,355
Fine.
517
00:22:39,357 --> 00:22:42,183
I need to sanitize you.
518
00:22:54,150 --> 00:22:55,355
Jasmine?
519
00:22:55,357 --> 00:22:57,907
No, it's actually
cherry blossom.
520
00:22:57,909 --> 00:22:59,217
Nice.
521
00:22:59,219 --> 00:23:01,771
So, what are we
looking for today?
522
00:23:03,530 --> 00:23:04,735
Something for my wife.
523
00:23:04,737 --> 00:23:06,530
Is it her birthday?
524
00:23:07,392 --> 00:23:08,219
No.
525
00:23:12,081 --> 00:23:15,737
This is the Colt 1911,
.45, semi automatic,
526
00:23:17,668 --> 00:23:20,976
single stack, six
rounds in the magazine,
527
00:23:20,978 --> 00:23:23,424
and, well, one in the hole
528
00:23:23,426 --> 00:23:25,735
if your gut tells you
that you're gonna need it.
529
00:23:25,737 --> 00:23:28,390
If you can't get the
job done with this,
530
00:23:28,392 --> 00:23:30,252
probably shouldn't
be doing the job.
531
00:23:30,254 --> 00:23:31,390
Is it loud?
532
00:23:31,392 --> 00:23:33,769
Well, loud, how do you mean?
533
00:23:33,771 --> 00:23:35,424
I don't want the
people calling the cops,
534
00:23:35,426 --> 00:23:38,976
I don't want the neighbors
hearing and asking questions.
535
00:23:38,978 --> 00:23:41,666
My wife has sensitive ears.
536
00:23:41,668 --> 00:23:44,633
Well, this one
won't go unnoticed.
537
00:23:45,806 --> 00:23:47,976
If you're looking
for something quiet,
538
00:23:47,978 --> 00:23:52,769
I've got this nine millimeter,
it attaches to this.
539
00:23:52,771 --> 00:23:55,941
Now, it's only good
for a couple of rounds,
540
00:23:55,943 --> 00:23:57,424
it's nothing longterm.
541
00:23:57,426 --> 00:23:59,114
That's gonna cost
you a little extra.
542
00:24:00,943 --> 00:24:02,633
What the...
543
00:24:11,461 --> 00:24:12,288
Yeah.
544
00:24:13,771 --> 00:24:15,700
How many rounds do I have?
545
00:24:15,702 --> 00:24:19,941
Standard mag, one in
the chamber, 17 rounds.
546
00:24:19,943 --> 00:24:21,495
Ah, no, so close!
547
00:24:24,599 --> 00:24:26,323
It was almost enough.
548
00:24:29,116 --> 00:24:31,771
So why do you wanna buy a gun?
549
00:24:34,288 --> 00:24:35,838
Coyotes.
550
00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:37,355
Coyotes?
551
00:24:37,357 --> 00:24:39,666
Yeah, coyotes, sometimes
they come into the yard
552
00:24:39,668 --> 00:24:41,528
and mess up the
vegetable garden.
553
00:24:41,530 --> 00:24:45,943
I wasn't really aware that
we had a coyote problem.
554
00:24:47,150 --> 00:24:49,288
All right, I'll take it.
555
00:24:50,254 --> 00:24:51,183
Great.
556
00:24:51,185 --> 00:24:53,254
Oh, oh, you also get this.
557
00:24:54,461 --> 00:24:55,941
It's a free gift.
558
00:25:03,392 --> 00:25:06,424
You have a tarp
and shovel in your trunk.
559
00:25:06,426 --> 00:25:07,528
And tape.
560
00:25:07,530 --> 00:25:08,355
And tape.
561
00:25:08,357 --> 00:25:09,217
And a rope.
562
00:25:09,219 --> 00:25:11,424
Yep, I see that.
563
00:25:11,426 --> 00:25:12,907
Yeah, and they had
me standing in line
564
00:25:12,909 --> 00:25:15,390
for over an hour just to get in.
565
00:25:15,392 --> 00:25:17,390
All these people
hacking everywhere,
566
00:25:17,392 --> 00:25:19,217
then they put these
six foot markers down,
567
00:25:19,219 --> 00:25:21,390
I'm like, "This
is a free country.
568
00:25:21,392 --> 00:25:24,321
I can stand where I wanna stand.
569
00:25:24,323 --> 00:25:25,668
Try to stop me."
570
00:25:27,081 --> 00:25:30,875
Then, they only let me
buy one of everything.
571
00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:33,219
I'm like, "What?"
572
00:25:35,219 --> 00:25:38,907
Like I'm hording
shovels or something.
573
00:25:38,909 --> 00:25:41,700
How many,
574
00:25:41,702 --> 00:25:43,909
how many tarps do you need?
575
00:25:51,875 --> 00:25:53,702
As many as it takes.
576
00:25:55,943 --> 00:25:57,941
Pleasure doing
business with you.
577
00:25:57,943 --> 00:26:00,286
You two don't
go losing it now.
578
00:26:00,288 --> 00:26:02,079
You don't know what
that guy's gonna do,
579
00:26:02,081 --> 00:26:03,838
and most likely, he's
gonna do nothing.
580
00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:07,114
Did you not just
see him acting out?
581
00:26:07,116 --> 00:26:09,668
Shooting everything, all of it!
582
00:26:11,254 --> 00:26:12,631
What, the coyotes?
583
00:26:12,633 --> 00:26:14,252
There are no coyotes!
584
00:26:14,254 --> 00:26:15,599
Not in this area!
585
00:26:16,461 --> 00:26:18,564
And he bought a silencer.
586
00:26:19,978 --> 00:26:22,459
We're gonna end up
on Dateline, man.
587
00:26:22,461 --> 00:26:25,700
Boys, look, it's a part
of the business, okay?
588
00:26:25,702 --> 00:26:29,459
You don't assume anything,
and don't ask any questions.
589
00:26:29,461 --> 00:26:31,252
If he doesn't buy
the gun from us,
590
00:26:31,254 --> 00:26:32,838
he'll just buy it
from somebody else.
591
00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:34,941
We just provide a service.
592
00:26:34,943 --> 00:26:37,769
Legal or not, I just
don't feel comfortable
593
00:26:37,771 --> 00:26:39,286
selling guns like this.
594
00:26:39,288 --> 00:26:42,355
Well, if you guys feel a
little softy about the guns,
595
00:26:42,357 --> 00:26:44,769
just focus on the
PPE and the lotions,
596
00:26:44,771 --> 00:26:46,355
and then if you need the money,
597
00:26:46,357 --> 00:26:48,769
well, the guns will
always be there.
598
00:26:48,771 --> 00:26:50,631
That's all there is
to it, gentlemen.
599
00:26:50,633 --> 00:26:53,010
Quick and easy, no mess.
600
00:26:53,012 --> 00:26:55,528
Oh, I think there's
gonna be a mess somewhere.
601
00:26:55,530 --> 00:26:58,769
Look at it this way, you
both made a G, didn't ya?
602
00:26:58,771 --> 00:27:00,286
Here's the phone.
603
00:27:00,288 --> 00:27:05,148
If somebody calls, make sure
they have the password, Chambo.
604
00:27:05,150 --> 00:27:08,633
You just follow the
rules, you'll be fine.
605
00:27:12,668 --> 00:27:16,976
First time
jitters, I remember them.
606
00:27:16,978 --> 00:27:19,010
Never eat tuna before a deal.
607
00:27:19,012 --> 00:27:19,840
Oh man.
608
00:27:47,737 --> 00:27:49,010
What are you doing?
609
00:27:49,012 --> 00:27:50,631
I'm marking the
floor, you know,
610
00:27:50,633 --> 00:27:52,045
how they do at
the grocery store.
611
00:27:52,047 --> 00:27:54,183
Are you gonna turn
my garage one way
612
00:27:54,185 --> 00:27:55,666
and put up a bunch of signs?
613
00:27:55,668 --> 00:27:57,597
'Cause the virus, it can read
614
00:27:57,599 --> 00:27:58,838
and runs around
carrying a tape measure.
615
00:27:58,840 --> 00:28:00,597
I am being a
responsible adult.
616
00:28:00,599 --> 00:28:01,873
Is that what
you're calling it?
617
00:28:01,875 --> 00:28:04,079
It's not what I'm calling it.
618
00:28:04,081 --> 00:28:05,424
Okay.
619
00:28:05,426 --> 00:28:09,735
Now, I calculated I
need at least 50 grand
620
00:28:09,737 --> 00:28:10,735
to make it through a year.
621
00:28:10,737 --> 00:28:12,252
What do you need?
622
00:28:12,254 --> 00:28:15,079
About the same, I gotta
pay Aaliyah's tuition.
623
00:28:15,081 --> 00:28:17,804
That's 100, say 50
grand for contingencies,
624
00:28:17,806 --> 00:28:19,907
so we're looking at 150 grand.
625
00:28:19,909 --> 00:28:22,633
We get 1150 grand,
and we're out.
626
00:28:28,771 --> 00:28:29,735
Yes.
627
00:28:29,737 --> 00:28:31,045
Why'd you draw it like that?
628
00:28:31,047 --> 00:28:32,286
It's a thermometer.
629
00:28:32,288 --> 00:28:33,631
For sick people.
630
00:28:33,633 --> 00:28:36,114
You need to change it,
it looks like an omen.
631
00:28:36,116 --> 00:28:36,943
Okay.
632
00:28:41,633 --> 00:28:42,700
Feel better?
633
00:28:42,702 --> 00:28:43,907
Not at all!
634
00:28:43,909 --> 00:28:45,873
Now it just looks like
a demon thermometer.
635
00:28:45,875 --> 00:28:47,424
It's a rocket ship, man.
636
00:28:47,426 --> 00:28:49,528
Is it crashing?
637
00:28:52,737 --> 00:28:54,116
It's the phone.
638
00:28:57,875 --> 00:28:58,769
Hello?
639
00:28:58,771 --> 00:28:59,941
Chambo.
640
00:28:59,943 --> 00:29:03,183
Esse, what you got for me, man?
641
00:29:03,185 --> 00:29:04,357
It has begun.
642
00:30:04,875 --> 00:30:06,321
It's so hot.
643
00:30:06,323 --> 00:30:09,254
I can't see
anything outta these.
644
00:30:10,150 --> 00:30:11,459
Oh yeah.
645
00:30:11,461 --> 00:30:12,461
You ready?
646
00:30:13,599 --> 00:30:15,252
Yeah, I'm ready.
647
00:30:15,254 --> 00:30:16,873
Are you ready?
648
00:30:16,875 --> 00:30:19,321
Yeah, I'm ready, why
would I not be ready?
649
00:30:19,323 --> 00:30:20,804
Are you not ready?
650
00:30:20,806 --> 00:30:22,735
No, I'm ready.
651
00:30:22,737 --> 00:30:25,390
It was just courtesy, I
was just checking with you.
652
00:30:25,392 --> 00:30:28,252
I mean, when you
say it like that...
653
00:30:28,254 --> 00:30:29,838
Like what?
654
00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:31,010
Doubtful.
655
00:30:31,012 --> 00:30:32,217
What?
656
00:30:32,219 --> 00:30:33,631
Yeah, you had
doubt in your voice.
657
00:30:33,633 --> 00:30:34,941
No.
658
00:30:34,943 --> 00:30:36,804
Yeah, like the
doubt in your voice,
659
00:30:36,806 --> 00:30:38,873
the tone went down
just a little bit.
660
00:30:38,875 --> 00:30:40,355
No, there's no doubt,
661
00:30:40,357 --> 00:30:42,459
that's just how my
voice sounds sometimes.
662
00:30:42,461 --> 00:30:43,735
See?
663
00:30:43,737 --> 00:30:44,804
Your voice is just,
like, fluctuating.
664
00:30:46,806 --> 00:30:49,700
There's no fluctuating.
665
00:30:49,702 --> 00:30:51,286
Just sounds
doubtful, that's all.
666
00:30:51,288 --> 00:30:52,528
There's no doubt.
667
00:30:52,530 --> 00:30:54,804
I am cool, I am
super cool, okay?
668
00:30:54,806 --> 00:30:57,321
Nothing to worry about
here, are you cool?
669
00:30:57,323 --> 00:30:58,459
Yeah, I'm cool.
670
00:30:58,461 --> 00:30:59,976
- Yeah, I'm cool.
- Okay.
671
00:30:59,978 --> 00:31:02,323
Well then, I think we're go.
672
00:31:03,254 --> 00:31:04,012
I agree.
673
00:31:05,219 --> 00:31:09,252
I also agree with that
as well, so let's go.
674
00:31:19,012 --> 00:31:20,424
You know,
Uncle Bernie said
675
00:31:20,426 --> 00:31:21,941
to meet in a public place.
676
00:31:21,943 --> 00:31:23,838
This is a public place.
677
00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:25,941
Dude, there is
nobody out here.
678
00:31:25,943 --> 00:31:29,769
The world's quarantined,
man, there's nobody anywhere.
679
00:31:29,771 --> 00:31:31,390
This is the type of
place you get killed
680
00:31:31,392 --> 00:31:32,907
and thrown in a dumpster.
681
00:31:32,909 --> 00:31:35,045
Don't be ridiculous, man,
that would never happen.
682
00:31:35,047 --> 00:31:36,941
We're way too heavy.
683
00:31:39,047 --> 00:31:40,357
What do you see?
684
00:31:41,564 --> 00:31:43,459
Dude, put your glasses on.
685
00:31:43,461 --> 00:31:45,390
I can't, man, they
look ridiculous,
686
00:31:45,392 --> 00:31:48,424
he'd never take me seriously.
687
00:31:48,426 --> 00:31:50,079
You be my eyes.
688
00:31:50,081 --> 00:31:51,252
That's insane.
689
00:31:51,254 --> 00:31:52,769
Punch, please.
690
00:31:52,771 --> 00:31:53,564
Okay.
691
00:31:54,771 --> 00:31:57,873
All right, it's a
guy, Latino looking.
692
00:31:57,875 --> 00:32:00,114
Yeah, that sounds like him.
693
00:32:00,116 --> 00:32:03,838
Okay, so what is the
plan if things go south?
694
00:32:03,840 --> 00:32:05,941
Run fast I guess.
695
00:32:05,943 --> 00:32:07,424
Your plan is run?
696
00:32:07,426 --> 00:32:08,668
No, run fast.
697
00:32:10,668 --> 00:32:13,806
I'm a lot faster
than you, so keep up.
698
00:32:22,737 --> 00:32:24,286
Er, you Hector?
699
00:32:24,288 --> 00:32:26,114
Where's the old man?
700
00:32:26,116 --> 00:32:27,116
He retired.
701
00:32:28,254 --> 00:32:30,564
So like, how does this work?
702
00:32:31,599 --> 00:32:33,459
You show me what you got.
703
00:32:33,461 --> 00:32:35,735
If I like what
you got, I buy it.
704
00:32:35,737 --> 00:32:37,424
That seems pretty straight up.
705
00:32:37,426 --> 00:32:39,286
Yeah, that sounds good.
706
00:32:39,288 --> 00:32:41,010
Dude, he's got backup.
707
00:32:41,012 --> 00:32:44,459
A little kid just came out,
hairs on my neck just went up.
708
00:32:44,461 --> 00:32:46,597
Dude, chill, it's
okay, we got backup too.
709
00:32:46,599 --> 00:32:48,252
We do?
710
00:32:48,254 --> 00:32:49,424
Who?
711
00:32:49,426 --> 00:32:50,355
You.
712
00:32:50,357 --> 00:32:52,737
So, hey, what's with the kid?
713
00:32:53,943 --> 00:32:56,252
Yeah, sorry about that.
714
00:32:56,254 --> 00:32:58,079
Kid's with me for a night.
715
00:32:58,081 --> 00:33:01,010
He was at home all day
playing video games,
716
00:33:01,012 --> 00:33:03,390
so I told him, "There's no way
717
00:33:03,392 --> 00:33:06,045
you're gonna stay there
playing video games!"
718
00:33:06,047 --> 00:33:07,838
I told him he needed
to come spend some time
719
00:33:07,840 --> 00:33:10,183
with his dad, some bonding time.
720
00:33:40,461 --> 00:33:41,357
Si, Papa.
721
00:33:43,012 --> 00:33:46,702
Anyway, are we gonna
do this thing or what?
722
00:33:48,737 --> 00:33:50,875
Did you get any of that?
723
00:34:02,564 --> 00:34:04,564
It's single ply, amigo.
724
00:34:06,116 --> 00:34:08,355
I can do $20 a roll.
725
00:34:08,357 --> 00:34:09,838
30.
726
00:34:09,840 --> 00:34:13,219
It's single ply, amigo,
and it's really rough.
727
00:34:16,081 --> 00:34:18,286
Some people are sensitive.
728
00:34:18,288 --> 00:34:20,493
But it's industrial grade.
729
00:34:20,495 --> 00:34:22,217
It's three times longer
than your normal roll.
730
00:34:22,219 --> 00:34:23,804
Plus, just think,
731
00:34:23,806 --> 00:34:27,459
you could make an extra four
or five bucks as shipping.
732
00:34:27,461 --> 00:34:29,217
All right.
733
00:34:29,219 --> 00:34:30,047
Okay.
734
00:34:31,288 --> 00:34:33,079
Gimme 200 rolls of
the toilet paper.
735
00:34:33,081 --> 00:34:35,219
I want 100 boxes of masks,
736
00:34:37,081 --> 00:34:39,528
and 20 of those
wipies over there.
737
00:34:39,530 --> 00:34:41,530
All in all, it's $4,200.
738
00:34:45,392 --> 00:34:46,631
Yeah, deal.
739
00:34:47,943 --> 00:34:49,493
The plague!
740
00:34:49,495 --> 00:34:53,875
You guys can air high five,
or even head nod, like this.
741
00:34:57,392 --> 00:34:59,424
Woo!
742
00:34:59,426 --> 00:35:00,323
$4,200!
743
00:35:01,461 --> 00:35:03,114
- Oh hoo hoo, mamma!
- Yes!
744
00:35:03,116 --> 00:35:04,321
Oh my god.
745
00:35:04,323 --> 00:35:05,976
If you had ever
told me that the world
746
00:35:05,978 --> 00:35:08,148
would go this crazy
over toilet paper,
747
00:35:08,150 --> 00:35:09,804
I would have said you were nuts.
748
00:35:09,806 --> 00:35:11,010
Cuckoo, you know?
749
00:35:11,012 --> 00:35:12,804
Oh my god, we gotta celebrate.
750
00:35:12,806 --> 00:35:14,010
Heck yeah, man,
where we going?
751
00:35:14,012 --> 00:35:14,838
Guess!
752
00:35:14,840 --> 00:35:15,804
Where we going?
753
00:35:15,806 --> 00:35:16,943
Ha ha! Um...
754
00:35:21,530 --> 00:35:22,357
Um, huh.
755
00:35:25,633 --> 00:35:26,528
Er...
756
00:35:28,288 --> 00:35:29,116
Er...
757
00:35:34,150 --> 00:35:36,288
The world's closed, man.
758
00:35:38,288 --> 00:35:41,150
Hey, do you think
Walmart's open?
759
00:35:45,633 --> 00:35:47,010
$4,200.
760
00:35:47,012 --> 00:35:48,838
Let's do the marble race
later this afternoon.
761
00:35:48,840 --> 00:35:51,804
I can't, I've got to do these
online lectures for school.
762
00:35:51,806 --> 00:35:52,873
Why not tonight?
763
00:35:52,875 --> 00:35:55,148
Well, I can't, I gotta work.
764
00:35:55,150 --> 00:35:56,873
Your work is closed.
765
00:35:56,875 --> 00:35:58,528
Everyone's work is closed.
766
00:35:58,530 --> 00:36:01,493
Well, I got a new gig,
it's time sensitive.
767
00:36:01,495 --> 00:36:03,010
Okay.
768
00:36:03,012 --> 00:36:04,079
You know, I really wanna
do this with you, all right?
769
00:36:04,081 --> 00:36:06,528
So we'll do it later.
770
00:36:06,530 --> 00:36:08,875
Okay, I gotta go, I love you.
771
00:36:16,081 --> 00:36:17,493
I can't find any.
772
00:36:17,495 --> 00:36:19,010
What?
773
00:36:19,012 --> 00:36:21,873
I can't find any,
I think we're out.
774
00:36:21,875 --> 00:36:23,081
Are you sure?
775
00:36:34,012 --> 00:36:35,495
Nope, we're out.
776
00:36:36,909 --> 00:36:39,185
What am I supposed to do?
777
00:36:46,771 --> 00:36:48,873
You're gonna have to
get creative, Steve.
778
00:36:48,875 --> 00:36:50,217
What does that mean?
779
00:36:50,219 --> 00:36:52,941
Do I have to spell
it out for you, Steve?
780
00:36:52,943 --> 00:36:55,185
Or do you wanna experiment?
781
00:37:02,150 --> 00:37:02,909
Buy now.
782
00:37:07,081 --> 00:37:08,148
Yes.
783
00:37:08,150 --> 00:37:09,081
Hectorzita!
784
00:37:29,564 --> 00:37:30,941
Yes!
785
00:37:35,771 --> 00:37:37,424
It's a waste of a
perfectly good pandemic
786
00:37:37,426 --> 00:37:38,769
if you aren't around for it!
787
00:37:42,495 --> 00:37:44,010
Schools are closed right now.
788
00:37:44,012 --> 00:37:45,838
Do you know what
they have me doing?
789
00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:47,079
Huh?
790
00:37:47,081 --> 00:37:48,666
Math.
791
00:37:48,668 --> 00:37:49,941
Math!
792
00:37:49,943 --> 00:37:51,631
Do you know what the
problem with that is?
793
00:37:51,633 --> 00:37:53,838
Do you know how many
changes they've made?
794
00:37:53,840 --> 00:37:55,941
It makes me wanna go right
back across the border.
795
00:37:55,943 --> 00:37:58,804
Do you know why?
796
00:37:58,806 --> 00:38:01,735
Because over there, they
don't change anything.
797
00:38:01,737 --> 00:38:05,668
It is consistent, like
us, consistent and proud!
798
00:38:08,254 --> 00:38:11,978
Okay, it's this one
right here, think fast.
799
00:38:16,219 --> 00:38:20,495
Okay, get this, this and
this is both toilet paper.
800
00:38:21,702 --> 00:38:25,047
And this is what 10,000
rolls looks like.
801
00:38:26,668 --> 00:38:28,838
Why's everyone going
nuts for toilet paper?
802
00:38:28,840 --> 00:38:30,666
I thought the virus
was respiratory.
803
00:38:30,668 --> 00:38:33,735
It's a pandemic, man, people
wanna go crazy about stuff,
804
00:38:33,737 --> 00:38:37,148
makes it feel like
they're in control.
805
00:38:37,150 --> 00:38:38,976
That doesn't make any sense.
806
00:38:38,978 --> 00:38:40,838
That's the whole point.
807
00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:43,735
It's panic, people do crazy
stuff when they panic.
808
00:38:43,737 --> 00:38:46,010
Now look, we're not even
halfway to our goal.
809
00:38:46,012 --> 00:38:48,838
Hector's only moving
200 to 300 rolls a day,
810
00:38:48,840 --> 00:38:50,148
which means with all this,
811
00:38:50,150 --> 00:38:53,562
there is no way we're
gonna make it in time.
812
00:38:53,564 --> 00:38:56,047
So you know what I'm thinking?
813
00:38:57,840 --> 00:38:59,045
Yeah?
814
00:38:59,047 --> 00:39:02,424
I'm thinking we
add another dealer.
815
00:39:02,426 --> 00:39:04,493
This guy is ex-KGB,
816
00:39:04,495 --> 00:39:07,597
so don't ask any
unnecessary questions.
817
00:39:07,599 --> 00:39:10,941
Man's paranoid, pretty sure
he's killed a few people.
818
00:39:10,943 --> 00:39:12,562
He's going to have
his daughters with him
819
00:39:12,564 --> 00:39:16,459
because he's home schooling,
Sasha and Natasha,
820
00:39:16,461 --> 00:39:19,631
so whatever you do,
don't get 'em confused,
821
00:39:19,633 --> 00:39:23,252
'cause they'll get
super bent over it.
822
00:39:25,530 --> 00:39:27,941
So which one is which?
823
00:39:27,943 --> 00:39:32,219
That's easy, Sasha's the
one with the longer hair.
824
00:39:33,288 --> 00:39:35,252
Okay, I see it.
825
00:39:35,254 --> 00:39:38,079
Do you see any
difference between...
826
00:39:38,081 --> 00:39:39,597
What is this?
827
00:39:39,599 --> 00:39:43,424
That, my friend, is
American-made single ply.
828
00:39:43,426 --> 00:39:46,562
What is it for, Jolly
Green Giant?
829
00:39:46,564 --> 00:39:48,424
This will fit on no one's spool.
830
00:39:48,426 --> 00:39:51,562
In a time of crisis,
nobody cares about spools.
831
00:39:51,564 --> 00:39:53,564
Ah, it's rough Bernie.
832
00:39:55,426 --> 00:39:57,081
It's like sandpaper.
833
00:39:58,116 --> 00:39:59,597
It's not that bad.
834
00:39:59,599 --> 00:40:01,735
It's awful, it's like,
it's like the stuff they have
835
00:40:01,737 --> 00:40:03,079
in peurda-podies.
836
00:40:03,081 --> 00:40:04,631
Port-a-potties.
837
00:40:04,633 --> 00:40:07,735
That's what I
said, peurda-podies.
838
00:40:07,737 --> 00:40:11,769
I cannot sell this, this,
no one wants that torture.
839
00:40:11,771 --> 00:40:14,357
Dmitry, on the way over here,
840
00:40:15,426 --> 00:40:16,873
I saw an article about how
841
00:40:16,875 --> 00:40:18,735
when people are running
out of toilet paper,
842
00:40:18,737 --> 00:40:20,392
they're using socks.
843
00:40:21,392 --> 00:40:22,219
Socks.
844
00:40:23,909 --> 00:40:26,045
You can't flush a sock,
845
00:40:26,047 --> 00:40:29,735
you gotta carry it
through the house,
846
00:40:29,737 --> 00:40:31,321
through the kitchen.
847
00:40:31,323 --> 00:40:33,252
Put it in a bag,
put it in a can,
848
00:40:33,254 --> 00:40:35,288
you gotta set it outside.
849
00:40:36,461 --> 00:40:40,079
Now, the people that
are using socks, Dmitry,
850
00:40:40,081 --> 00:40:42,941
they'll pay top dollar for that.
851
00:40:42,943 --> 00:40:44,907
What do you think, daughters?
852
00:40:44,909 --> 00:40:47,252
You think Americans
stupid enough to buy this?
853
00:40:47,254 --> 00:40:49,217
Da.
854
00:40:49,219 --> 00:40:51,769
Hmm, you're probably right.
855
00:40:51,771 --> 00:40:53,804
I mean, look at him.
856
00:40:53,806 --> 00:40:58,771
He's wearing a mask like
a lemming.
857
00:40:59,564 --> 00:41:00,873
It's for the virus.
858
00:41:00,875 --> 00:41:02,459
Oh yeah, yeah,
yeah, sure it is.
859
00:41:04,840 --> 00:41:07,804
You're so smart,
you know, yeah, yeah.
860
00:41:07,806 --> 00:41:09,943
You probably buy all this.
861
00:41:10,875 --> 00:41:12,183
I'll give you eight per roll.
862
00:41:12,185 --> 00:41:13,286
What? No.
863
00:41:13,288 --> 00:41:14,116
No, no.
864
00:41:15,150 --> 00:41:16,459
20.
865
00:41:16,461 --> 00:41:19,217
Toilet paper in gulags
was softer than this!
866
00:41:19,219 --> 00:41:20,976
Eight or I walk.
867
00:41:20,978 --> 00:41:24,288
And you can sell this
travesty yourself.
868
00:41:30,012 --> 00:41:31,081
Okay, deal.
869
00:41:34,806 --> 00:41:38,769
Perfect, so, your girls,
what are they working on?
870
00:41:38,771 --> 00:41:39,909
Math, reading?
871
00:41:41,978 --> 00:41:44,666
They're working
on the election.
872
00:41:44,668 --> 00:41:47,804
Mm hmm, they're
gonna do it again.
873
00:41:47,806 --> 00:41:49,735
They did it last
time, now this time,
874
00:41:49,737 --> 00:41:52,183
this time, you know, last
time I helped a little bit.
875
00:41:52,185 --> 00:41:54,976
You know, 2016, they were
like, "Daddy, help me,
876
00:41:54,978 --> 00:41:57,873
I forgot, er, what
Pentagon password?"
877
00:41:57,875 --> 00:41:59,493
I was like, "Yes, here you go,"
878
00:41:59,495 --> 00:42:01,045
and they're like,
"What is nuclear code?"
879
00:42:01,047 --> 00:42:02,735
I'm like, "You got to
write down on your hand."
880
00:42:02,737 --> 00:42:04,390
You know, they were
little things, but now,
881
00:42:04,392 --> 00:42:06,252
now they grow up so
fast, and I am so proud,
882
00:42:06,254 --> 00:42:08,562
but they are doing this
one all by themselves,
883
00:42:08,564 --> 00:42:10,459
they're like, "Daddy,
don't look at my shoulder,
884
00:42:10,461 --> 00:42:12,045
you embarrass me."
885
00:42:12,047 --> 00:42:15,390
Now back then, they still
laugh at everything I say,
886
00:42:15,392 --> 00:42:17,528
you know, and they still
want to be around me,
887
00:42:17,530 --> 00:42:18,769
they still think, you know,
888
00:42:18,771 --> 00:42:20,045
they thought I was
so cool back then.
889
00:42:20,047 --> 00:42:22,875
But they, er, they
toppled Ukraine.
890
00:42:26,840 --> 00:42:28,424
Woo hoo hoo hoo!
891
00:42:28,426 --> 00:42:29,254
Yes!
892
00:42:30,392 --> 00:42:32,528
It is my day!
893
00:42:32,530 --> 00:42:33,357
Woo, yeah!
894
00:42:34,737 --> 00:42:38,010
Okay, we have the standard
equation of a circle.
895
00:42:38,012 --> 00:42:40,459
The center points
are represented
896
00:42:40,461 --> 00:42:42,771
by the coordinate pair h, k.
897
00:42:44,426 --> 00:42:46,562
It has a vertical
axis of symmetry,
898
00:42:46,564 --> 00:42:49,357
the equation of
the circle is x-h.
899
00:42:50,564 --> 00:42:54,219
Mommy, where'd this
toilet paper come from?
900
00:43:02,254 --> 00:43:03,047
It's back.
901
00:43:05,116 --> 00:43:06,079
It's all back.
902
00:43:06,081 --> 00:43:08,047
Two options, option A.
903
00:43:15,668 --> 00:43:17,254
Okay, no, no, no.
904
00:43:18,943 --> 00:43:21,286
That is not gonna happen here.
905
00:43:21,288 --> 00:43:23,907
American-made on enough
done rocket launcher.
906
00:43:23,909 --> 00:43:25,459
That's got to be illegal.
907
00:43:25,461 --> 00:43:27,114
It is, I'm just kidding.
908
00:43:27,116 --> 00:43:29,252
Now, let's say you meet a guy
909
00:43:29,254 --> 00:43:31,769
that wants to trade
you for a car.
910
00:43:31,771 --> 00:43:33,976
Loopholes, boys, loopholes.
911
00:43:33,978 --> 00:43:35,631
I thought you were
supposed to be in Cabo.
912
00:43:35,633 --> 00:43:38,459
Oh, those commies
at the airport.
913
00:43:38,461 --> 00:43:40,666
They were taking
everybody's temperature.
914
00:43:40,668 --> 00:43:41,941
They wouldn't let
me on the plane.
915
00:43:41,943 --> 00:43:43,183
You have a fever?
916
00:43:43,185 --> 00:43:45,769
Well, I naturally run hot.
917
00:43:45,771 --> 00:43:48,355
99.1 degrees, I always have.
918
00:43:48,357 --> 00:43:51,114
And besides, I just moved
my flight to tomorrow.
919
00:43:51,116 --> 00:43:56,081
How are you going to go
flying if you have a fever?
920
00:43:57,288 --> 00:43:58,424
I'm just gonna put
ice on my forehead
921
00:43:58,426 --> 00:44:00,907
until I get through security.
922
00:44:00,909 --> 00:44:03,528
Well, what about
the other option
923
00:44:03,530 --> 00:44:06,528
for people not wanting
to overthrow a country?
924
00:44:06,530 --> 00:44:09,666
That's option B, but
it's not nearly as fun.
925
00:44:17,461 --> 00:44:18,769
Hand sanitizer gel.
926
00:44:18,771 --> 00:44:21,355
This morning, three
ounces of this sold
927
00:44:21,357 --> 00:44:23,838
for $12 on an auction site.
928
00:44:23,840 --> 00:44:26,148
Now, this barrel has
over 7,000 ounces,
929
00:44:26,150 --> 00:44:30,633
which means this 55 gallon
drum is worth over $28,000.
930
00:44:34,530 --> 00:44:36,079
And I've got six barrels of it.
931
00:44:36,081 --> 00:44:37,907
It's way too much, Jack,
932
00:44:37,909 --> 00:44:39,976
Oh Hector, this
is all we have left.
933
00:44:39,978 --> 00:44:41,668
We have to sell this.
934
00:44:44,185 --> 00:44:46,286
You can put it into bottles?
935
00:44:46,288 --> 00:44:47,528
What?
936
00:44:47,530 --> 00:44:49,597
You know, little
bottles, lots of them.
937
00:44:49,599 --> 00:44:51,183
Then you sell
thousands for cheap,
938
00:44:51,185 --> 00:44:53,493
make a killing on the postage.
939
00:45:08,943 --> 00:45:10,390
This is ridiculous.
940
00:45:10,392 --> 00:45:11,597
It beats doing nothing.
941
00:45:11,599 --> 00:45:14,286
No, that's, no,
that's not true.
942
00:45:14,288 --> 00:45:15,459
And I'm gonna tell a story.
943
00:45:15,461 --> 00:45:17,045
No, no.
944
00:45:17,047 --> 00:45:20,217
Once there was two grown
men who became so scared,
945
00:45:20,219 --> 00:45:23,459
that they were acting
like little boys,
946
00:45:23,461 --> 00:45:26,769
because all the people
that they were around
947
00:45:26,771 --> 00:45:29,424
were crazy and panicking,
948
00:45:29,426 --> 00:45:32,735
who refused to use common sense.
949
00:45:32,737 --> 00:45:34,079
Your story's
about us, isn't it?
950
00:45:34,081 --> 00:45:37,079
So these two grown
men started scalping
951
00:45:37,081 --> 00:45:39,702
smelly lotion to fearful people
952
00:45:40,875 --> 00:45:43,976
until their hands
became so soft,
953
00:45:43,978 --> 00:45:47,769
they couldn't find not one
woman in the whole side world
954
00:45:47,771 --> 00:45:50,114
who would marry them
because their hands
955
00:45:50,116 --> 00:45:52,769
were soft like
little girls' hands,
956
00:45:52,771 --> 00:45:55,459
and women found that
to be disturbing.
957
00:45:55,461 --> 00:45:57,493
Mom, that's ridiculous.
958
00:45:57,495 --> 00:46:00,424
Have you felt these hands?
959
00:46:00,426 --> 00:46:02,459
Have you smelt them?
960
00:46:02,461 --> 00:46:05,321
You're a man, a grown man.
961
00:46:05,323 --> 00:46:07,045
I'm already married.
962
00:46:07,047 --> 00:46:10,045
One of the men
was married too.
963
00:46:10,047 --> 00:46:12,357
But he didn't stay that way.
964
00:46:13,633 --> 00:46:16,493
Dud, we gotta get more help.
965
00:46:16,495 --> 00:46:20,148
I will not fear,
for you are with me.
966
00:46:20,150 --> 00:46:24,943
And we pray that you will fix
my son's giant, girly hands.
967
00:46:26,599 --> 00:46:28,045
Yes, lord.
968
00:46:28,047 --> 00:46:28,875
Amen.
969
00:46:30,323 --> 00:46:32,597
Today for school,
we are gonna learn
970
00:46:32,599 --> 00:46:35,045
about supply and demand.
971
00:46:35,047 --> 00:46:38,148
And to do it, we're gonna start
by making an assembly line
972
00:46:38,150 --> 00:46:40,045
and filling up a few
thousand of these bottles
973
00:46:40,047 --> 00:46:42,148
with lotion from that blue
barrel right over there.
974
00:46:42,150 --> 00:46:43,804
Doesn't that sound like fun?
975
00:46:43,806 --> 00:46:44,700
- Yes!
- Yes.
976
00:46:44,702 --> 00:46:46,217
Yes!
977
00:46:46,219 --> 00:46:49,941
Now, we are not gonna tell
Mommy about it, are we?
978
00:46:49,943 --> 00:46:51,599
But what if we do?
979
00:46:54,978 --> 00:46:56,355
What's
with the barrel?
980
00:46:56,357 --> 00:46:58,909
We are adapting to the times.
981
00:47:01,357 --> 00:47:03,873
And these are really
strange times.
982
00:47:03,875 --> 00:47:05,562
I feel ya.
983
00:47:05,564 --> 00:47:08,148
Nerman, is that a
koozie on your face?
984
00:47:08,150 --> 00:47:09,493
Yeah.
985
00:47:09,495 --> 00:47:11,530
And you think it works?
986
00:47:13,047 --> 00:47:15,873
People are staying
away from me.
987
00:47:15,875 --> 00:47:17,424
What's wrong?
988
00:47:17,426 --> 00:47:20,873
Sorry Jack, they
shut me down, man.
989
00:47:20,875 --> 00:47:22,217
I'm out of business.
990
00:47:22,219 --> 00:47:23,804
How did they
just shut you down?
991
00:47:23,806 --> 00:47:26,390
Blocked the prices,
they blocked my ID,
992
00:47:26,392 --> 00:47:27,562
they just shut us out.
993
00:47:27,564 --> 00:47:29,838
I have 7,000 bottles
of lotion to move.
994
00:47:29,840 --> 00:47:31,528
I understand,
Jack, I really do.
995
00:47:31,530 --> 00:47:34,045
I mean, look, I want
Hectorzita to go to university,
996
00:47:34,047 --> 00:47:35,769
I want him to play
for the Cruz Azul,
997
00:47:35,771 --> 00:47:37,562
but his school isn't that good!
998
00:47:37,564 --> 00:47:39,079
Can't you make some new
accounts or something?
999
00:47:39,081 --> 00:47:41,459
No, no, no, and it
wouldn't do any good
1000
00:47:41,461 --> 00:47:43,459
even if I did, 'cause they
would just shut us down anyway.
1001
00:47:43,461 --> 00:47:47,217
These guys are fast,
they take us out.
1002
00:47:47,219 --> 00:47:50,045
Bad news, brothers,
the gig is up.
1003
00:47:50,047 --> 00:47:51,875
Thank you for playing.
1004
00:47:53,599 --> 00:47:54,528
What?
1005
00:47:54,530 --> 00:47:56,114
They shut off the auctions.
1006
00:47:56,116 --> 00:47:59,873
Locked my computers,
they came down hard.
1007
00:47:59,875 --> 00:48:03,010
Like, like hammer
and sickle hard.
1008
00:48:03,012 --> 00:48:04,286
You too?
1009
00:48:04,288 --> 00:48:06,976
They've locked the
prices for everything.
1010
00:48:06,978 --> 00:48:09,666
And you call this
a free country.
1011
00:48:09,668 --> 00:48:12,150
Welcome to Russia, my friends.
1012
00:48:13,495 --> 00:48:16,631
Stalin welcomes you!
1013
00:48:16,633 --> 00:48:19,286
You know, now we can drink
like proper Russians.
1014
00:48:19,288 --> 00:48:23,150
I must admit, I had
another bottle before this,
1015
00:48:24,116 --> 00:48:25,769
but sh, do not tell anyone,
1016
00:48:25,771 --> 00:48:30,286
because it is a
secret.
1017
00:48:30,288 --> 00:48:31,493
What are we gonna do?
1018
00:48:31,495 --> 00:48:32,804
Whoa, whoa, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait,
1019
00:48:32,806 --> 00:48:34,769
come here, come here,
come into my secret.
1020
00:48:34,771 --> 00:48:35,735
Six feet.
1021
00:48:35,737 --> 00:48:37,079
Let me give you some advice.
1022
00:48:37,081 --> 00:48:39,183
If you find yourself in gulag,
1023
00:48:39,185 --> 00:48:41,804
when they first shove you in,
1024
00:48:41,806 --> 00:48:44,493
right there in front of
all the other prisoners,
1025
00:48:44,495 --> 00:48:48,321
you find the biggest
one you can find
1026
00:48:48,323 --> 00:48:51,254
and you walk right
directly to him,
1027
00:48:52,116 --> 00:48:53,564
and you lIck him.
1028
00:48:55,943 --> 00:48:57,081
Like a lizard.
1029
00:48:59,461 --> 00:49:01,769
The big guy's
confused, you know,
1030
00:49:01,771 --> 00:49:04,943
they'll all leave
you alone after that.
1031
00:49:06,150 --> 00:49:08,217
Saved my butt more than
one times.
1032
00:49:08,219 --> 00:49:10,045
Right?
1033
00:49:10,047 --> 00:49:10,875
Two times.
1034
00:49:13,185 --> 00:49:18,010
You know, maybe, maybe
there is someone I can call.
1035
00:49:18,012 --> 00:49:21,150
I'll call him for
you, but no problem.
1036
00:49:22,357 --> 00:49:24,183
It's all
good, it's okay.
1037
00:49:24,185 --> 00:49:25,079
How is it okay?
1038
00:49:25,081 --> 00:49:27,838
Dmitry's gonna call his guy.
1039
00:49:27,840 --> 00:49:29,631
So we just gotta
have a little faith.
1040
00:49:29,633 --> 00:49:31,355
Have faith?
1041
00:49:31,357 --> 00:49:34,390
In the crazy Russian guy's
friend that we don't know?
1042
00:49:34,392 --> 00:49:36,183
Governor
announced this morning
1043
00:49:36,185 --> 00:49:37,838
- a shelter-in-place order...
- Yeah.
1044
00:49:37,840 --> 00:49:39,355
For
the entire state,
1045
00:49:39,357 --> 00:49:41,838
including mandatory
curfew within city limits
1046
00:49:41,840 --> 00:49:44,528
starting at eight PM for
everyone not considered
1047
00:49:44,530 --> 00:49:47,321
essential to critical
infrastructure.
1048
00:49:47,323 --> 00:49:49,528
Police will be out
enforcing curfew,
1049
00:49:49,530 --> 00:49:50,907
so if you go out on the road...
1050
00:49:50,909 --> 00:49:52,562
That's gonna make it easier.
1051
00:49:52,564 --> 00:49:54,562
Moe
after the break.
1052
00:50:04,737 --> 00:50:06,804
Hello, beautiful.
1053
00:50:06,806 --> 00:50:07,700
You're kidding me.
1054
00:50:07,702 --> 00:50:10,183
There's no temperature checks,
1055
00:50:10,185 --> 00:50:13,528
there's no awkward TSA screens.
1056
00:50:13,530 --> 00:50:15,700
There's no metal detectors.
1057
00:50:15,702 --> 00:50:19,562
Just pure, American
capitalism at its finest.
1058
00:50:19,564 --> 00:50:21,047
God bless America.
1059
00:50:32,012 --> 00:50:34,493
Can this even get you to Cabo?
1060
00:50:34,495 --> 00:50:36,838
It'll take you to Tahiti
if you pay 'em enough.
1061
00:50:36,840 --> 00:50:38,597
There still gonna
screen you at the airport.
1062
00:50:38,599 --> 00:50:42,838
But who says I'm
landing at an airport?
1063
00:50:48,875 --> 00:50:52,840
Hello, hey?
1064
00:50:56,668 --> 00:50:57,495
Hello?
1065
00:50:59,323 --> 00:51:02,941
Did he
use the codeword?
1066
00:51:02,943 --> 00:51:04,700
I don't know.
1067
00:51:04,702 --> 00:51:05,528
What?
1068
00:51:05,530 --> 00:51:06,459
I don't remember.
1069
00:51:06,461 --> 00:51:07,390
How don't you remember?
1070
00:51:07,392 --> 00:51:08,562
I was half asleep.
1071
00:51:08,564 --> 00:51:10,666
That was one of the rules.
1072
00:51:10,668 --> 00:51:14,597
They have to use the codeword
or we don't do a deal.
1073
00:51:14,599 --> 00:51:16,252
Look, we need this to happen.
1074
00:51:16,254 --> 00:51:18,735
And we're nowhere
near a public place.
1075
00:51:18,737 --> 00:51:20,079
Another rule.
1076
00:51:20,081 --> 00:51:21,631
We're selling hand sanitizer,
1077
00:51:21,633 --> 00:51:22,907
what's the worst
that can happen?
1078
00:51:22,909 --> 00:51:25,047
They'll clean us to death?
1079
00:51:28,909 --> 00:51:29,737
Punch,
1080
00:51:30,771 --> 00:51:32,252
what are you doing?
1081
00:51:32,254 --> 00:51:34,562
We're not even supposed
to be out here, man!
1082
00:51:34,564 --> 00:51:35,392
Curfew!
1083
00:51:39,426 --> 00:51:40,941
Well, I hate to tell you this,
1084
00:51:40,943 --> 00:51:45,079
but squishing down like that
doesn't make you inconspicuous.
1085
00:51:45,081 --> 00:51:46,599
Dude, it's our guy.
1086
00:51:48,530 --> 00:51:49,564
Just be cool.
1087
00:51:53,081 --> 00:51:54,941
I think I'm gonna do it.
1088
00:51:54,943 --> 00:51:56,493
I'm gonna do the spray.
1089
00:51:56,495 --> 00:51:58,597
Okay sure, fine, whatever
makes you feel good.
1090
00:51:58,599 --> 00:51:59,424
Okay.
1091
00:51:59,426 --> 00:52:00,873
Okay.
1092
00:52:00,875 --> 00:52:02,148
I'll do it.
1093
00:52:02,150 --> 00:52:03,804
Oh dude, they brought,
they brought backup.
1094
00:52:03,806 --> 00:52:05,976
That's okay, we
brought backup too.
1095
00:52:05,978 --> 00:52:06,804
We did?
1096
00:52:06,806 --> 00:52:07,631
What did we bring?
1097
00:52:07,633 --> 00:52:08,702
Again, you!
1098
00:52:09,875 --> 00:52:12,217
I make the deal, you
stand there being big.
1099
00:52:13,633 --> 00:52:15,493
Oh dude, you're not
nearly big enough.
1100
00:52:15,495 --> 00:52:16,804
They bring a giant?
1101
00:52:16,806 --> 00:52:20,459
You only had one
job to do, man!
1102
00:52:20,461 --> 00:52:23,148
They brought a giant!
1103
00:52:23,150 --> 00:52:24,804
It's okay, what's the
worst that can happen?
1104
00:52:24,806 --> 00:52:26,528
The giant could eat us.
1105
00:52:26,530 --> 00:52:28,321
Now is not the time to panic.
1106
00:52:28,323 --> 00:52:33,185
Everything about this makes
it the perfect time to panic.
1107
00:52:41,150 --> 00:52:42,530
How's it going?
1108
00:52:44,840 --> 00:52:45,976
You Primo?
1109
00:52:47,219 --> 00:52:50,254
All right, I'm Jack,
this here is Punch.
1110
00:53:01,461 --> 00:53:03,735
Do you want some spray?
1111
00:53:03,737 --> 00:53:04,907
For what?
1112
00:53:04,909 --> 00:53:06,769
For your hands.
1113
00:53:06,771 --> 00:53:08,185
Sanitizing spray.
1114
00:53:09,116 --> 00:53:10,185
It's oatmeal.
1115
00:53:11,047 --> 00:53:12,357
Oatmeal cookies.
1116
00:53:13,702 --> 00:53:15,010
It's really, really good.
1117
00:53:15,012 --> 00:53:16,873
Okay, sure.
1118
00:53:27,357 --> 00:53:29,495
Oh wow, that's delightful.
1119
00:53:30,875 --> 00:53:31,873
Now what did you bring?
1120
00:53:31,875 --> 00:53:33,702
Please, have a seat.
1121
00:53:38,737 --> 00:53:41,875
Why did you bring
such cheap chairs?
1122
00:53:43,426 --> 00:53:48,012
I'm sorry, I, I wasn't expecting
a man of your, um, heft.
1123
00:54:11,909 --> 00:54:12,737
Okay.
1124
00:54:14,116 --> 00:54:17,079
I've got 7,000 of these bad boys
1125
00:54:17,081 --> 00:54:18,769
ready to go in the
truck right now.
1126
00:54:18,771 --> 00:54:22,631
Top grade hand sanitizer
guaranteed to kill COVID,
1127
00:54:22,633 --> 00:54:25,597
and 99.9% of all germs.
1128
00:54:25,599 --> 00:54:28,769
They were selling online this
morning for 12 bucks a pop.
1129
00:54:28,771 --> 00:54:30,390
I'll give 'em to you for four.
1130
00:54:30,392 --> 00:54:31,286
Four?
1131
00:54:31,288 --> 00:54:32,116
Each.
1132
00:54:36,840 --> 00:54:39,493
Skinny, what are you doing?
1133
00:54:39,495 --> 00:54:40,907
He's smelling the trees.
1134
00:54:40,909 --> 00:54:43,838
It's a weird smell, man, I,
1135
00:54:43,840 --> 00:54:47,114
I can't figure out
what's happening here.
1136
00:54:47,116 --> 00:54:50,564
You're supposed to
be watching the car.
1137
00:54:52,288 --> 00:54:53,599
I'll get him.
1138
00:54:55,633 --> 00:54:58,631
What am I supposed to do
with a bunch of girly lotions?
1139
00:54:58,633 --> 00:54:59,804
Sell it.
1140
00:54:59,806 --> 00:55:00,700
Now this is what-
1141
00:55:06,840 --> 00:55:09,528
This is
funny, that's good.
1142
00:55:09,530 --> 00:55:11,562
That's good, okay, now,
1143
00:55:11,564 --> 00:55:14,390
now, now, seriously, boys.
1144
00:55:14,392 --> 00:55:16,700
Where are the guns?
1145
00:55:16,702 --> 00:55:18,873
We've made a horrible error.
1146
00:55:18,875 --> 00:55:19,700
Guns?
1147
00:55:19,702 --> 00:55:21,217
Yeah.
1148
00:55:21,219 --> 00:55:23,355
My friend gave me this number,
1149
00:55:23,357 --> 00:55:25,217
I called this number,
1150
00:55:25,219 --> 00:55:28,390
someone brings guns, I buy guns.
1151
00:55:28,392 --> 00:55:29,735
That's how this works.
1152
00:55:29,737 --> 00:55:32,355
Okay, see, we thought
that you were a friend
1153
00:55:32,357 --> 00:55:33,873
of our friend Dmitry.
1154
00:55:33,875 --> 00:55:35,183
Who's Dmitry?
1155
00:55:35,185 --> 00:55:38,804
Yeah, um, I can see
why you're,
1156
00:55:38,806 --> 00:55:41,976
okay, so you called,
but we thought you were
1157
00:55:41,978 --> 00:55:44,148
a friend of our
friend, but you're not,
1158
00:55:44,150 --> 00:55:46,702
so what we have here is just a,
1159
00:55:47,564 --> 00:55:51,010
it's a classic misunderstanding.
1160
00:55:51,012 --> 00:55:53,148
Right, right, right, right,
so you don't have guns.
1161
00:55:53,150 --> 00:55:54,424
No.
1162
00:55:54,426 --> 00:55:56,528
Right, my uncle Bernie
sold the guns, right?
1163
00:55:56,530 --> 00:55:59,873
But then he retired,
and then we took over,
1164
00:55:59,875 --> 00:56:03,079
but we've been selling,
you know, just soaps.
1165
00:56:03,081 --> 00:56:05,562
Okay, so you do have guns?
1166
00:56:05,564 --> 00:56:07,941
Right, we're just not selling.
1167
00:56:07,943 --> 00:56:10,875
So you're not
selling guns to me?
1168
00:56:14,219 --> 00:56:16,217
I wouldn't put it like that.
1169
00:56:16,219 --> 00:56:17,735
So how would you put it?
1170
00:56:17,737 --> 00:56:22,047
Like that, just not with
the derogatory bent at all.
1171
00:56:24,909 --> 00:56:27,079
You see, I have a problem.
1172
00:56:27,081 --> 00:56:28,907
- I have a gun.
- Whoa!
1173
00:56:28,909 --> 00:56:33,286
And sometimes, it just
doesn't do me right, you know?
1174
00:56:33,288 --> 00:56:36,321
Sometimes, I pull the
trigger, nothing happens.
1175
00:56:36,323 --> 00:56:37,838
You know, like
it's broke, right?
1176
00:56:37,840 --> 00:56:42,079
And then the other times, I
don't pull the trigger at all,
1177
00:56:42,081 --> 00:56:43,321
and it just goes off.
1178
00:56:45,806 --> 00:56:47,148
That's what I'm talking about.
1179
00:56:47,150 --> 00:56:48,907
It's just unpredictable,
1180
00:56:48,909 --> 00:56:50,114
and that's what I mean, I mean,
1181
00:56:50,116 --> 00:56:52,426
how can I manage my business
1182
00:56:53,909 --> 00:56:58,530
with a gun that just goes off
at random shooting people?
1183
00:56:59,426 --> 00:57:00,321
You know what I'm saying?
1184
00:57:00,323 --> 00:57:02,804
Like, it's just unprofessional.
1185
00:57:02,806 --> 00:57:03,804
You feel me?
1186
00:57:03,806 --> 00:57:04,769
- Oh yeah.
- Yeah.
1187
00:57:04,771 --> 00:57:06,286
- Do you?
- Yeah.
1188
00:57:06,288 --> 00:57:08,321
Yeah, that's, that's no
good way to run a business.
1189
00:57:08,323 --> 00:57:09,528
That's good, I like that,
1190
00:57:09,530 --> 00:57:12,114
I'm glad, I'm glad you
guys feel me, all right?
1191
00:57:12,116 --> 00:57:12,943
Now.
1192
00:57:18,323 --> 00:57:19,150
Oops.
1193
00:57:21,185 --> 00:57:22,493
So here's what we're gonna do.
1194
00:57:22,495 --> 00:57:25,459
Tomorrow, I'm
gonna be back here.
1195
00:57:25,461 --> 00:57:28,804
You two boys better bring
me my guns, you feel me?
1196
00:57:28,806 --> 00:57:29,804
- Mm hmm.
- Mm.
1197
00:57:29,806 --> 00:57:30,771
You good?
1198
00:57:32,047 --> 00:57:32,875
Cool.
1199
00:57:34,461 --> 00:57:35,804
'Cause if you don't,
1200
00:57:35,806 --> 00:57:40,010
I'm gonna have my boys
run you guys down.
1201
00:57:40,012 --> 00:57:42,321
And let's just say you
really don't want that.
1202
00:57:44,495 --> 00:57:47,045
You know, he's right though,
1203
00:57:47,047 --> 00:57:50,702
the trees do got a smell
to 'em, it's weird.
1204
00:57:54,012 --> 00:57:56,426
It's like they have a plan.
1205
00:57:58,150 --> 00:57:59,012
Let's go!
1206
00:58:12,392 --> 00:58:14,355
Dude, he shot you!
1207
00:58:14,357 --> 00:58:15,838
Yeah, I know that man!
1208
00:58:15,840 --> 00:58:18,286
Like, you got shot shot!
1209
00:58:18,288 --> 00:58:20,459
Yeah, I know
that, I can feel it!
1210
00:58:20,461 --> 00:58:22,528
I can't see, how bad is it?
1211
00:58:22,530 --> 00:58:24,875
Oh man, they're pretty bad.
1212
00:58:26,219 --> 00:58:28,286
They're shattered.
1213
00:58:28,288 --> 00:58:30,355
Not the glasses, man!
1214
00:58:30,357 --> 00:58:34,150
Oh, um, yeah, I don't
do so good with blood.
1215
00:58:35,702 --> 00:58:38,114
Would you just get over
here and check it out, please?
1216
00:58:38,116 --> 00:58:39,355
How bad is it?
1217
00:58:39,357 --> 00:58:42,666
Okay, I feel really
weird about this.
1218
00:58:42,668 --> 00:58:43,700
Just do it.
1219
00:58:43,702 --> 00:58:45,493
Okay, okay.
1220
00:58:45,495 --> 00:58:47,150
Um, there's two, oh.
1221
00:58:52,185 --> 00:58:53,150
Two what?
1222
00:58:55,771 --> 00:58:57,424
Are you kidding me?
1223
00:58:57,426 --> 00:58:59,424
You are the worst backup
of all the backup.
1224
00:58:59,426 --> 00:59:01,424
Get up, man, get up!
1225
00:59:01,426 --> 00:59:03,631
Come on, have a
little bit of dignity.
1226
00:59:03,633 --> 00:59:05,079
Okay, sorry.
1227
00:59:05,081 --> 00:59:05,907
I'm okay.
1228
00:59:05,909 --> 00:59:07,941
How bad is it?
1229
00:59:07,943 --> 00:59:09,183
Man, look yourself.
1230
00:59:09,185 --> 00:59:12,252
I can't see, man,
I'm flying blind here.
1231
00:59:12,254 --> 00:59:14,564
Okay, your gluteus is bad.
1232
00:59:16,150 --> 00:59:19,183
But I'm just, I'm just
gonna stay right here.
1233
00:59:19,185 --> 00:59:21,323
Is there a lot of blood?
1234
00:59:26,668 --> 00:59:27,597
Oh yeah.
1235
00:59:27,599 --> 00:59:29,148
Keep it together, man.
1236
00:59:29,150 --> 00:59:30,562
It went in your,
1237
00:59:30,564 --> 00:59:32,459
and then it came out the other,
1238
00:59:32,461 --> 00:59:34,668
it came out the other side.
1239
00:59:36,185 --> 00:59:38,286
But I think you're
gonna be okay.
1240
00:59:38,288 --> 00:59:41,252
It just, it just
hit the chunky part.
1241
00:59:41,254 --> 00:59:43,737
It didn't hit the bone at all.
1242
00:59:45,116 --> 00:59:47,321
I can't believe
you let me get shot.
1243
00:59:47,323 --> 00:59:48,183
What?
1244
00:59:48,185 --> 00:59:49,321
How's this my fault?
1245
00:59:49,323 --> 00:59:50,838
You were the backup,
1246
00:59:50,840 --> 00:59:53,148
you're supposed to be
big and intimidating,
1247
00:59:53,150 --> 00:59:54,355
and do something heroic.
1248
00:59:54,357 --> 00:59:56,321
I wanted to start
a marble race.
1249
00:59:56,323 --> 01:00:00,459
No, you wanted to start
a toilet paper empire.
1250
01:00:00,461 --> 01:00:02,941
Okay, we gotta
go to the hospital.
1251
01:00:02,943 --> 01:00:04,597
No, we can't do that.
1252
01:00:04,599 --> 01:00:05,976
Punch, I've been shot.
1253
01:00:05,978 --> 01:00:07,148
We gotta go to the hospital.
1254
01:00:07,150 --> 01:00:09,666
One, I don't really
like your tone.
1255
01:00:09,668 --> 01:00:11,838
Two, we can't go
to the hospital,
1256
01:00:11,840 --> 01:00:13,941
it's full of the death virus.
1257
01:00:13,943 --> 01:00:16,597
Three, you've got
a gunshot wound!
1258
01:00:16,599 --> 01:00:18,286
They'll ask questions!
1259
01:00:18,288 --> 01:00:20,081
And it's after curfew.
1260
01:00:21,771 --> 01:00:23,286
Curfew?
1261
01:00:23,288 --> 01:00:24,769
That's what you're thinking
about right now is the curfew?
1262
01:00:24,771 --> 01:00:26,493
You'll probably be fine,
1263
01:00:26,495 --> 01:00:31,079
it's just a flesh wound, we
can put some Neosporin on it,
1264
01:00:31,081 --> 01:00:34,392
and I can teach you
some therapy squats.
1265
01:00:36,323 --> 01:00:40,564
Can you just please, just
help me get to the car?
1266
01:00:51,288 --> 01:00:53,010
What's wrong with your car?
1267
01:00:53,012 --> 01:00:54,769
It's fine.
1268
01:00:54,771 --> 01:00:56,631
It's not though.
1269
01:00:56,633 --> 01:01:00,010
The last thing this
car is is fine.
1270
01:01:00,012 --> 01:01:02,700
You gotta just
give it a minute.
1271
01:01:02,702 --> 01:01:07,493
Why can't you just get
a regular human being car?
1272
01:01:25,012 --> 01:01:26,183
What the what?
1273
01:01:26,185 --> 01:01:28,148
Dude, why'd you
bring your kid along?
1274
01:01:28,150 --> 01:01:29,666
That's not my kid.
1275
01:01:29,668 --> 01:01:31,079
What do you mean,
that's not your kid?
1276
01:01:31,081 --> 01:01:33,700
I have five kids, Punch,
that isn't one of 'em.
1277
01:01:33,702 --> 01:01:35,010
Are you sure?
1278
01:01:35,012 --> 01:01:38,185
I mean, your eyes are
all messed up and all.
1279
01:01:48,323 --> 01:01:50,010
Yep, it's not my kid.
1280
01:01:50,012 --> 01:01:51,045
Well, whose kid is it?
1281
01:01:51,047 --> 01:01:52,355
I don't know.
1282
01:01:52,357 --> 01:01:53,907
Do you think it
could be his kid?
1283
01:01:53,909 --> 01:01:55,493
No, it can't be his kid.
1284
01:01:55,495 --> 01:01:58,323
Where do you
think she came from?
1285
01:02:01,943 --> 01:02:03,217
Why are you looking up?
1286
01:02:03,219 --> 01:02:04,357
I don't know.
1287
01:02:09,081 --> 01:02:12,081
Hi, kiddo, I'm
Jack, this is Punch.
1288
01:02:14,081 --> 01:02:16,599
Were you in those people's car?
1289
01:02:19,081 --> 01:02:21,461
Was that huge guy your dad?
1290
01:02:25,081 --> 01:02:28,700
Were any of those
guys your dad?
1291
01:02:28,702 --> 01:02:30,217
Uncles?
1292
01:02:30,219 --> 01:02:32,079
Family friends?
1293
01:02:32,081 --> 01:02:33,562
Neighbors?
1294
01:02:33,564 --> 01:02:34,392
Pen pals?
1295
01:02:47,288 --> 01:02:49,286
Dude, I don't think
she's their kid.
1296
01:02:49,288 --> 01:02:51,597
It's absolutely not their kid.
1297
01:02:51,599 --> 01:02:53,424
I think you have a
kidnapped kid in your car.
1298
01:02:53,426 --> 01:02:55,907
Your observational skills
are killing it tonight, man.
1299
01:02:55,909 --> 01:02:58,390
Primo's gonna notice
that she's not in his car.
1300
01:02:58,392 --> 01:03:01,010
And he's gonna think
that we took her.
1301
01:03:01,012 --> 01:03:02,700
He's gonna come back
here and kill us.
1302
01:03:02,702 --> 01:03:04,769
It has to have a home, right?
1303
01:03:04,771 --> 01:03:07,114
So let's just take
it home, okay?
1304
01:03:07,116 --> 01:03:08,252
Problem solved.
1305
01:03:08,254 --> 01:03:09,735
In what car?
1306
01:03:09,737 --> 01:03:12,873
Your car won't start because
you got a defective car!
1307
01:03:17,599 --> 01:03:18,668
What is it?
1308
01:03:19,875 --> 01:03:21,702
It's an amber alert.
1309
01:03:27,495 --> 01:03:30,288
Hi, um, is your
name Maddy Holmes?
1310
01:03:34,116 --> 01:03:37,321
Is your daddy Barker Holmes?
1311
01:03:37,323 --> 01:03:40,357
As in the mayor,
Mayor Barker Holmes?
1312
01:03:51,461 --> 01:03:52,631
There's a kidnapped
kid in our car.
1313
01:03:52,633 --> 01:03:53,941
We are dead.
1314
01:03:53,943 --> 01:03:55,804
The mayor's kidnapped
daughter is in our car.
1315
01:03:55,806 --> 01:03:57,183
God, I'm not ready for jail.
1316
01:03:57,185 --> 01:03:59,114
I mean, they don't have
six feet requirements,
1317
01:03:59,116 --> 01:04:01,390
and once one gets the
'rona, they all get it.
1318
01:04:01,392 --> 01:04:03,597
There's so much
DNA in our car.
1319
01:04:03,599 --> 01:04:05,045
She's definitely
seen our faces,
1320
01:04:05,047 --> 01:04:06,252
I mean, my hair's a mess
1321
01:04:06,254 --> 01:04:07,700
because all the barber
shops are closed,
1322
01:04:07,702 --> 01:04:08,873
but I'm definitely identifiable.
1323
01:04:08,875 --> 01:04:11,252
Yes, your hair's very unruly,
1324
01:04:11,254 --> 01:04:12,735
that's what we should be
focusing on right now.
1325
01:04:12,737 --> 01:04:14,562
Hey, you have a beard.
1326
01:04:14,564 --> 01:04:16,217
Before quarantine,
you looked 12.
1327
01:04:16,219 --> 01:04:18,355
You're gonna have
to go get help.
1328
01:04:18,357 --> 01:04:19,562
What?
1329
01:04:19,564 --> 01:04:20,735
Yeah, you're gonna
have to go find somebody
1330
01:04:20,737 --> 01:04:22,217
to come and, you
know, jump our car.
1331
01:04:22,219 --> 01:04:23,735
Where?
1332
01:04:23,737 --> 01:04:25,838
I don't know man, out there
in the big ball of space!
1333
01:04:25,840 --> 01:04:27,045
Why me?
1334
01:04:27,047 --> 01:04:30,079
Because I got shot
in the a, behind of me.
1335
01:04:30,081 --> 01:04:33,631
And you failed to protect me,
and now I can't see, okay?
1336
01:04:33,633 --> 01:04:35,907
So you gotta go before
Primo comes back.
1337
01:04:35,909 --> 01:04:38,114
There's nobody out
there because of the curfew!
1338
01:04:38,116 --> 01:04:39,907
Well, you'd better
hope somebody's out there
1339
01:04:39,909 --> 01:04:43,355
because the mayor's
kidnapped kid is in my car!
1340
01:04:43,357 --> 01:04:45,355
Just for a moment,
I want you to imagine
1341
01:04:45,357 --> 01:04:48,941
driving down a road and
a big, muscular man,
1342
01:04:48,943 --> 01:04:51,217
kind of a magnificent
specimen like myself,
1343
01:04:51,219 --> 01:04:53,114
is flagging you down for help.
1344
01:04:53,116 --> 01:04:54,493
Would you stop?
1345
01:04:54,495 --> 01:04:56,424
If I was in a better mood.
1346
01:04:59,288 --> 01:05:01,907
Hey, kiddo, so here's the thing.
1347
01:05:01,909 --> 01:05:04,528
Punch is gonna go
and get us some help,
1348
01:05:04,530 --> 01:05:06,976
and then we are gonna
take you home, okay?
1349
01:05:06,978 --> 01:05:09,493
You aren't supposed
to be out this late.
1350
01:05:09,495 --> 01:05:11,148
Yeah, I know.
1351
01:05:11,150 --> 01:05:13,183
The city has a bedtime.
1352
01:05:13,185 --> 01:05:14,941
The curfew?
1353
01:05:14,943 --> 01:05:15,907
Yeah.
1354
01:05:15,909 --> 01:05:18,976
Neither of you look essential.
1355
01:05:18,978 --> 01:05:21,254
Okay, that is an opinion.
1356
01:05:22,288 --> 01:05:24,459
When we drop you off at home,
1357
01:05:24,461 --> 01:05:26,597
there's gonna be
a lot of police,
1358
01:05:26,599 --> 01:05:29,286
and they're gonna have
a lot of questions.
1359
01:05:29,288 --> 01:05:31,907
So you can talk all you
want about those guys, okay,
1360
01:05:31,909 --> 01:05:33,666
but just don't talk about us.
1361
01:05:33,668 --> 01:05:36,597
You mean Jack and Punch?
1362
01:05:36,599 --> 01:05:38,010
You know our names?
1363
01:05:38,012 --> 01:05:39,771
You told me before.
1364
01:05:40,599 --> 01:05:41,562
I did.
1365
01:05:41,564 --> 01:05:43,114
You got shot in a bad place
1366
01:05:43,116 --> 01:05:45,769
'cause you're selling
guns and lotion.
1367
01:05:45,771 --> 01:05:48,495
Oh look at you
knowing so much.
1368
01:05:49,771 --> 01:05:50,941
Okay, but listen,
we're the good guys,
1369
01:05:50,943 --> 01:05:52,459
we're gonna take
you home, right?
1370
01:05:52,461 --> 01:05:55,459
So you can just
leave the out, right?
1371
01:05:55,461 --> 01:05:58,114
Mommy says we
shouldn't keep secrets.
1372
01:05:58,116 --> 01:06:02,116
Oh, your mommy sounds
like a wonderful woman.
1373
01:06:10,012 --> 01:06:11,978
Er, excuse me.
1374
01:06:16,081 --> 01:06:17,148
Hello?
1375
01:06:17,150 --> 01:06:18,183
Hi.
1376
01:06:19,254 --> 01:06:20,562
Oh, no, no, no.
1377
01:06:20,564 --> 01:06:23,183
I'm having car trouble.
1378
01:06:23,185 --> 01:06:24,873
Wondered if you could help me.
1379
01:06:24,875 --> 01:06:26,702
Ho, ho, oh, the blood.
1380
01:06:28,840 --> 01:06:33,252
No, no, no, it's not
mine, it's someone else's.
1381
01:06:33,254 --> 01:06:36,631
Um, I'm having car
trouble, I was wondering
1382
01:06:36,633 --> 01:06:38,735
if you could give me a jump.
1383
01:06:38,737 --> 01:06:39,668
No, a jump.
1384
01:06:41,047 --> 01:06:42,562
Oh my god!
1385
01:06:42,564 --> 01:06:43,668
Hey sir, sir.
1386
01:06:44,564 --> 01:06:46,838
Think about the virus, man!
1387
01:06:46,840 --> 01:06:51,461
No, that's cinco feet, no,
that's seis, seis, seis feet!
1388
01:07:01,392 --> 01:07:02,219
Oh.
1389
01:07:06,875 --> 01:07:09,357
Do you like bunnies?
1390
01:07:10,564 --> 01:07:12,217
Yeah, sure.
1391
01:07:12,219 --> 01:07:13,321
I like bunnies too.
1392
01:07:13,323 --> 01:07:15,804
Yeah, bunnies are the bomb.
1393
01:07:15,806 --> 01:07:19,288
Nobody uses the bomb
anymore, it's lame.
1394
01:07:23,909 --> 01:07:26,114
Why are you looking like that?
1395
01:07:26,116 --> 01:07:28,562
I broke my glasses
and I can't see.
1396
01:07:28,564 --> 01:07:29,392
Oh.
1397
01:07:30,599 --> 01:07:34,390
Bunnies can see really
well, it's the carrots.
1398
01:07:34,392 --> 01:07:37,390
Hey, what do you see up there?
1399
01:07:37,392 --> 01:07:38,804
A car.
1400
01:07:38,806 --> 01:07:41,217
I think it's the bad people.
1401
01:07:41,219 --> 01:07:42,769
Okay.
1402
01:07:42,771 --> 01:07:44,597
I asked them if they liked
bunnies, and they said no,
1403
01:07:44,599 --> 01:07:46,907
that's how I know
they're the bad people.
1404
01:07:46,909 --> 01:07:49,045
Okay, we're gonna have
to get out of the car.
1405
01:08:30,323 --> 01:08:31,806
This'll be fine.
1406
01:08:33,495 --> 01:08:34,323
Okay.
1407
01:08:43,564 --> 01:08:47,252
Get him,
get him, get him!
1408
01:08:58,323 --> 01:09:00,254
Over there, over there!
1409
01:09:02,185 --> 01:09:04,702
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
1410
01:09:32,288 --> 01:09:33,562
It's dark in here.
1411
01:09:33,564 --> 01:09:34,357
Sh.
1412
01:09:38,185 --> 01:09:39,907
Bunnies like the dark,
1413
01:09:39,909 --> 01:09:43,564
that's why they live
underground in burrows.
1414
01:09:48,012 --> 01:09:50,769
You know what
bunnies don't do?
1415
01:09:50,771 --> 01:09:51,599
Talk.
1416
01:09:52,909 --> 01:09:54,735
In fact, they make
practically no noise at all,
1417
01:09:54,737 --> 01:09:57,459
and I will give you two
whole dollars right now
1418
01:09:57,461 --> 01:10:00,079
if you will be quiet
and act like a bunny.
1419
01:10:00,081 --> 01:10:01,840
You're super cheap.
1420
01:10:30,875 --> 01:10:32,045
Who was it?
1421
01:10:32,047 --> 01:10:34,045
I don't know, I
couldn't really see him,
1422
01:10:34,047 --> 01:10:36,804
and the girl had
her eyes closed.
1423
01:10:36,806 --> 01:10:39,700
I don't know, maybe
they just left you.
1424
01:10:39,702 --> 01:10:42,045
No man, it was
a miracle, okay?
1425
01:10:42,047 --> 01:10:44,183
The guy looked right
in the car at us,
1426
01:10:44,185 --> 01:10:45,941
and he didn't see us.
1427
01:10:45,943 --> 01:10:48,907
Or maybe he did
and just left you.
1428
01:10:48,909 --> 01:10:51,217
Hey, the radio's working.
1429
01:10:51,219 --> 01:10:54,528
Look, you can argue and
deny it all you want, okay,
1430
01:10:54,530 --> 01:10:56,597
but it was a miracle.
1431
01:10:56,599 --> 01:10:58,012
My eyes are open.
1432
01:10:59,737 --> 01:11:03,599
You're eyes don't work
literally open or not.
1433
01:11:04,840 --> 01:11:07,426
Punch, I've had a revelation.
1434
01:11:10,150 --> 01:11:12,597
Can you have your
revelation in the car?
1435
01:11:12,599 --> 01:11:14,840
It's this pandemic, okay?
1436
01:11:16,288 --> 01:11:18,804
We're doing the same thing
as everybody else is doing,
1437
01:11:18,806 --> 01:11:20,597
but maybe we're going
about it all wrong,
1438
01:11:20,599 --> 01:11:23,321
and the miracle, it's a sign.
1439
01:11:23,323 --> 01:11:24,631
That was the sign?
1440
01:11:24,633 --> 01:11:26,459
Hey, the radio's
talking about me,
1441
01:11:26,461 --> 01:11:28,769
they say I'm missing,
but I'm not missing,
1442
01:11:28,771 --> 01:11:31,254
I'm right here, it's so silly!
1443
01:11:32,668 --> 01:11:34,597
The sign isn't
you getting shot,
1444
01:11:34,599 --> 01:11:37,286
or a kidnapped girl
getting in the car,
1445
01:11:37,288 --> 01:11:40,769
that could get us in
jail for 20 years?
1446
01:11:40,771 --> 01:11:43,804
I'm just saying,
I've had an epiphany.
1447
01:11:43,806 --> 01:11:47,459
And I wanna hear all
about it in the car.
1448
01:11:57,668 --> 01:11:59,666
How close you wanna get?
1449
01:11:59,668 --> 01:12:01,907
What do you mean?
1450
01:12:01,909 --> 01:12:03,838
I mean we can't
just drive up to her house,
1451
01:12:03,840 --> 01:12:06,838
cops will be all over the place.
1452
01:12:06,840 --> 01:12:07,804
You think so?
1453
01:12:07,806 --> 01:12:09,148
Yeah, I think so.
1454
01:12:09,150 --> 01:12:12,943
Okay, just park
down the street then.
1455
01:12:16,702 --> 01:12:20,495
Well, how's
the girl gonna get home?
1456
01:12:21,530 --> 01:12:22,838
She's gonna walk.
1457
01:12:22,840 --> 01:12:24,148
Walk?
1458
01:12:24,150 --> 01:12:28,012
Yes walk, how
else would she get home?
1459
01:12:29,909 --> 01:12:32,010
I mean,
it's dark out, man.
1460
01:12:32,012 --> 01:12:33,493
There's crazy people out.
1461
01:12:33,495 --> 01:12:35,737
What if she gets kidnapped?
1462
01:12:37,564 --> 01:12:42,357
I want you to think
about that for just a minute.
1463
01:12:43,702 --> 01:12:46,493
I'm just gonna
say for the record,
1464
01:12:46,495 --> 01:12:49,461
I don't really agree
with this plan.
1465
01:12:51,254 --> 01:12:53,323
I'm just gonna park here.
1466
01:12:55,530 --> 01:12:57,978
This is as close as we can get.
1467
01:12:59,150 --> 01:13:00,597
Hi.
1468
01:13:00,599 --> 01:13:04,148
You think you can
walk back from here?
1469
01:13:04,150 --> 01:13:07,079
Okay, great, well, it's
been great meeting you.
1470
01:13:07,081 --> 01:13:09,976
And please don't tell
the cops about us, okay?
1471
01:13:09,978 --> 01:13:12,045
Jack and Punch.
1472
01:13:12,047 --> 01:13:14,804
Oh, yeah, we're
not going to jail.
1473
01:13:14,806 --> 01:13:16,943
Okay, out you go, bye bye.
1474
01:13:22,323 --> 01:13:25,564
Thank goodness that
that's over with.
1475
01:13:28,219 --> 01:13:29,873
You know, all I'm saying is,
1476
01:13:29,875 --> 01:13:33,217
is that people panic
when they lose control,
1477
01:13:33,219 --> 01:13:34,804
but the mistake is to ever think
1478
01:13:34,806 --> 01:13:37,424
that you had control to
begin with, you know?
1479
01:13:37,426 --> 01:13:40,700
Like, none of this has
been in our control.
1480
01:13:42,599 --> 01:13:45,252
She's back in the car,
why is she back in the car?
1481
01:13:45,254 --> 01:13:46,597
This isn't my neighborhood.
1482
01:13:46,599 --> 01:13:48,700
But you said this
was your neighborhood.
1483
01:13:48,702 --> 01:13:49,597
It's not.
1484
01:13:49,599 --> 01:13:50,735
Then why did you say it was?
1485
01:13:50,737 --> 01:13:52,321
Dude, your voice.
1486
01:13:52,323 --> 01:13:53,252
Why did you say it was?
1487
01:13:53,254 --> 01:13:56,114
It's near a red gas station.
1488
01:13:56,116 --> 01:13:57,771
A red gas station.
1489
01:14:01,392 --> 01:14:03,978
What are you
looking at me for?
1490
01:14:07,495 --> 01:14:08,323
Take 20.
1491
01:14:17,978 --> 01:14:19,286
This is the ride pool, right?
1492
01:14:19,288 --> 01:14:20,148
What?
1493
01:14:20,150 --> 01:14:21,459
No!
1494
01:14:21,461 --> 01:14:23,321
Get out of the car.
1495
01:14:23,323 --> 01:14:25,873
You're not even
supposed to be out!
1496
01:14:25,875 --> 01:14:28,183
There's a death virus, man!
1497
01:14:28,185 --> 01:14:31,323
Pay attention to the
world around you!
1498
01:14:34,150 --> 01:14:36,633
He didn't even have a mask on.
1499
01:14:39,875 --> 01:14:42,355
I thought you said
that you recognized
1500
01:14:42,357 --> 01:14:43,838
the gas station back there.
1501
01:14:43,840 --> 01:14:46,390
It was red, I live
near a red gas station
1502
01:14:46,392 --> 01:14:48,528
and a coffee shop
and a grocery store
1503
01:14:48,530 --> 01:14:52,288
and it takes two to 200
minutes to get there.
1504
01:14:56,323 --> 01:14:58,806
So what do you wanna do now?
1505
01:15:03,185 --> 01:15:03,978
Okay.
1506
01:15:05,392 --> 01:15:09,562
Isn't there, like, a box
that you can put kids in
1507
01:15:09,564 --> 01:15:12,528
at like, the fire
station or something?
1508
01:15:12,530 --> 01:15:13,493
A box?
1509
01:15:13,495 --> 01:15:14,493
Yeah.
1510
01:15:14,495 --> 01:15:15,907
To put kids in?
1511
01:15:15,909 --> 01:15:17,941
Yeah you know, like,
okay, you find a kid,
1512
01:15:17,943 --> 01:15:21,390
and then you just drop
'em off at this box.
1513
01:15:21,392 --> 01:15:23,355
And like, there's
no questions asked.
1514
01:15:23,357 --> 01:15:26,873
How often are you
finding stray kids?
1515
01:15:26,875 --> 01:15:29,217
I just, I think
this is a thing.
1516
01:15:29,219 --> 01:15:31,735
We ain't putting that
kid in no box, man!
1517
01:15:31,737 --> 01:15:33,875
We're going to jail, dude.
1518
01:15:35,771 --> 01:15:40,047
And I'm not even gonna be
able to do my marble race.
1519
01:15:41,254 --> 01:15:43,735
This is not a ride share!
1520
01:15:43,737 --> 01:15:45,183
Are you sure?
1521
01:15:46,426 --> 01:15:48,597
Looks like we're going
somewhere together.
1522
01:15:49,875 --> 01:15:52,907
Sounds like a
ride pool to me, Skinny.
1523
01:15:52,909 --> 01:15:55,217
It sure does, Tebo.
1524
01:15:55,219 --> 01:15:56,219
It sure does.
1525
01:15:57,909 --> 01:16:02,081
He was the one who said
he doesn't like bunnies.
1526
01:16:04,599 --> 01:16:07,148
They've got shifty eyes.
1527
01:16:07,150 --> 01:16:09,148
Red eyes, you ever seen 'em?
1528
01:16:09,150 --> 01:16:10,599
Stare at you, and
1529
01:16:11,943 --> 01:16:12,771
they know.
1530
01:16:15,150 --> 01:16:19,114
So, you wanna keep
talking about your miracles?
1531
01:16:19,116 --> 01:16:20,941
It was a miracle.
1532
01:16:20,943 --> 01:16:23,909
Obviously not,
because we're here.
1533
01:16:25,116 --> 01:16:26,666
It was a miracle.
1534
01:16:26,668 --> 01:16:28,700
You weren't there,
you didn't see it.
1535
01:16:28,702 --> 01:16:31,148
And neither did
you, 'cause your eyes,
1536
01:16:31,150 --> 01:16:34,010
like your car, don't work.
1537
01:16:34,012 --> 01:16:36,769
And what kind of god miracles
get you out of trouble
1538
01:16:36,771 --> 01:16:40,114
only to get you back
into the same trouble?
1539
01:16:40,116 --> 01:16:42,597
Look, I don't know
how they found us, okay?
1540
01:16:42,599 --> 01:16:44,941
We put a tracker on your car.
1541
01:16:44,943 --> 01:16:49,599
They put a tracker on your
piece of junk defective car!
1542
01:16:54,840 --> 01:16:57,495
So, you gonna kill us or what?
1543
01:16:58,530 --> 01:16:59,976
You're looking the wrong way.
1544
01:16:59,978 --> 01:17:00,907
What?
1545
01:17:00,909 --> 01:17:02,631
He's over there.
1546
01:17:02,633 --> 01:17:03,392
Oh.
1547
01:17:04,564 --> 01:17:05,737
Same question.
1548
01:17:06,978 --> 01:17:11,633
When Primo's
mad, things tend to die.
1549
01:17:13,047 --> 01:17:14,666
We used to have
goldfish in here,
1550
01:17:14,668 --> 01:17:17,183
but they're gone now.
1551
01:17:17,185 --> 01:17:18,012
Oh man.
1552
01:17:22,323 --> 01:17:24,045
Where's the girl?
1553
01:17:24,047 --> 01:17:25,666
She's in the back.
1554
01:17:25,668 --> 01:17:27,424
Primo'll be here any minute.
1555
01:17:27,426 --> 01:17:29,321
We gotta think of something.
1556
01:17:30,668 --> 01:17:33,424
We gotta come up with a plan.
1557
01:17:33,426 --> 01:17:35,700
I think we need
to talk about Jesus.
1558
01:17:35,702 --> 01:17:36,530
What?
1559
01:17:37,737 --> 01:17:39,804
We might be meeting
him here any minute.
1560
01:17:39,806 --> 01:17:41,252
It's just a really
confusing day,
1561
01:17:41,254 --> 01:17:44,183
it's put me into a very
contemplative state.
1562
01:17:44,185 --> 01:17:45,978
We need a real plan.
1563
01:17:47,564 --> 01:17:49,079
What do you want from me?
1564
01:17:49,081 --> 01:17:50,700
Are you wanting to shimmy?
1565
01:17:50,702 --> 01:17:51,976
We can shimmy.
1566
01:17:51,978 --> 01:17:53,390
I can't see where
the heck I'm going,
1567
01:17:53,392 --> 01:17:55,700
but if that's what you
wanna do, I'll give it a go.
1568
01:17:55,702 --> 01:17:58,666
Maybe they won't notice us as
we just shimmy on out of here.
1569
01:17:58,668 --> 01:18:01,252
But we, we can't
just sit here.
1570
01:18:01,254 --> 01:18:04,735
That is literally
all we can do.
1571
01:18:04,737 --> 01:18:06,114
Now just calm down.
1572
01:18:06,116 --> 01:18:07,286
What?
1573
01:18:07,288 --> 01:18:09,873
What do you mean, calm down?
1574
01:18:09,875 --> 01:18:13,392
I don't know, man,
just all the miracles.
1575
01:18:14,392 --> 01:18:16,286
It's very confusing, I just,
1576
01:18:16,288 --> 01:18:18,424
I think things
are gonna be okay.
1577
01:18:18,426 --> 01:18:21,114
You have lost your mind.
1578
01:18:21,116 --> 01:18:22,219
Read my lips.
1579
01:18:23,943 --> 01:18:26,392
There was no miracle tonight.
1580
01:18:27,771 --> 01:18:29,217
I can't see your lips, man,
1581
01:18:29,219 --> 01:18:32,114
I can't see, you're
a giant blob.
1582
01:18:42,254 --> 01:18:45,079
Okay, so let's
get this straight.
1583
01:18:45,081 --> 01:18:47,562
I kidnapped the girl,
1584
01:18:47,564 --> 01:18:52,183
you two tried to sell me
lotions instead of guns,
1585
01:18:52,185 --> 01:18:53,185
I shoot you,
1586
01:18:55,150 --> 01:18:59,806
and you figure your best play
is to re-kidnap this girl?
1587
01:19:01,564 --> 01:19:04,493
I really think we're just
having a misunderstanding.
1588
01:19:04,495 --> 01:19:05,976
What did you think
was gonna happen?
1589
01:19:05,978 --> 01:19:07,976
I really don't know.
1590
01:19:07,978 --> 01:19:08,806
Okay.
1591
01:19:10,150 --> 01:19:11,424
Which one of you
wants to die first?
1592
01:19:11,426 --> 01:19:12,528
It was an accident!
1593
01:19:12,530 --> 01:19:13,804
Please don't! Don't!
1594
01:19:13,806 --> 01:19:14,804
She just climbed
in the car, man!
1595
01:19:14,806 --> 01:19:15,700
- Eeny.
- Oh my god.
1596
01:19:15,702 --> 01:19:16,976
You can't control kids,
1597
01:19:16,978 --> 01:19:18,010
- they're crazy.
- Your miracles are the worst!
1598
01:19:18,012 --> 01:19:19,045
- Meeny.
- We're sorry,
1599
01:19:19,047 --> 01:19:20,286
we're sorry about the lotion.
1600
01:19:20,288 --> 01:19:21,493
I was supposed to be a doctor,
1601
01:19:21,495 --> 01:19:23,148
but I was scared of the bodies.
1602
01:19:23,150 --> 01:19:23,976
We're sorry!
1603
01:19:23,978 --> 01:19:24,804
Miny.
1604
01:19:24,806 --> 01:19:26,010
But I think I can.
1605
01:19:26,012 --> 01:19:26,804
I've got five
kids at home, man!
1606
01:19:26,806 --> 01:19:28,010
I just wanna try.
1607
01:19:28,012 --> 01:19:29,286
- Katie's gonna be so mad!
- Mo.
1608
01:19:29,288 --> 01:19:30,493
- Please don't, don't.
- We didn't even finish
1609
01:19:30,495 --> 01:19:32,390
the documentary
she was watching.
1610
01:19:32,392 --> 01:19:34,321
You are getting me killed!
1611
01:19:34,323 --> 01:19:36,148
Don't do it, no, no!
1612
01:19:42,702 --> 01:19:45,459
This is why I need a new gun!
1613
01:19:45,461 --> 01:19:46,286
We're alive!
1614
01:19:46,288 --> 01:19:47,530
Tebo!
1615
01:19:52,702 --> 01:19:54,390
Yeah, see, see!
1616
01:19:54,392 --> 01:19:56,010
This is what I'm talking about.
1617
01:19:56,012 --> 01:19:58,804
Nice handle, smooth grip,
1618
01:19:58,806 --> 01:20:00,528
heavy so you know
it means business.
1619
01:20:00,530 --> 01:20:03,495
Also, made in
America, just like me.
1620
01:20:04,530 --> 01:20:06,321
And you know what else?
1621
01:20:06,323 --> 01:20:08,806
Like me, this dog has to bark.
1622
01:20:10,806 --> 01:20:12,321
No, no, no, please!
1623
01:20:27,806 --> 01:20:28,633
What?
1624
01:20:35,185 --> 01:20:36,012
Miracle!
1625
01:20:37,633 --> 01:20:39,976
Well, this is worse.
1626
01:20:39,978 --> 01:20:42,976
Yo, this 5G thing is a joke.
1627
01:20:42,978 --> 01:20:44,976
I'm paying 15 extra
bucks a month for it,
1628
01:20:44,978 --> 01:20:46,493
and I ain't got
nothing out here.
1629
01:20:46,495 --> 01:20:48,804
Who looks at a
bat, and thinks,
1630
01:20:48,806 --> 01:20:50,459
"Yeah, I'll eat that."
1631
01:20:50,461 --> 01:20:52,631
Ain't no bat start this virus.
1632
01:20:52,633 --> 01:20:54,804
It's just a story, mind control.
1633
01:20:54,806 --> 01:20:56,390
You mean telepathy.
1634
01:20:56,392 --> 01:20:59,769
There's no bats in
telepathy, it's a gift.
1635
01:20:59,771 --> 01:21:01,114
You're born with it.
1636
01:21:01,116 --> 01:21:04,252
Dude, I'm saying
it's a narrative.
1637
01:21:04,254 --> 01:21:05,597
They want people to look one way
1638
01:21:05,599 --> 01:21:07,010
just so that they can create
1639
01:21:07,012 --> 01:21:08,424
some crazy stuff
to put out there,
1640
01:21:08,426 --> 01:21:10,700
just like that street magician
that stole your wallet.
1641
01:21:10,702 --> 01:21:12,769
But that is just a distraction.
1642
01:21:12,771 --> 01:21:14,528
You need to wise up, my man.
1643
01:21:14,530 --> 01:21:17,012
Well, if it's a distraction,
1644
01:21:18,461 --> 01:21:21,530
what is it they
don't want us to see?
1645
01:21:23,047 --> 01:21:24,357
And who is they?
1646
01:21:25,771 --> 01:21:29,392
That's the entire
thing, that's the point.
1647
01:21:33,599 --> 01:21:35,530
So how you wanna do it?
1648
01:21:37,909 --> 01:21:41,562
You know, I'm gonna
find a stick or something.
1649
01:21:41,564 --> 01:21:43,390
This is
all your fault.
1650
01:21:44,530 --> 01:21:45,562
Ow!
1651
01:21:45,564 --> 01:21:46,873
How is it my fault?
1652
01:21:46,875 --> 01:21:49,873
I told you to
leave, but you didn't.
1653
01:21:49,875 --> 01:21:51,907
I told you the hairs
were going up on my neck,
1654
01:21:51,909 --> 01:21:54,079
and you told me I
had a condition.
1655
01:21:54,081 --> 01:21:56,562
- It was rule number three!
- Ow, ow, ow, dude!
1656
01:21:56,564 --> 01:21:58,528
I don't think it was
rule number three, man.
1657
01:21:58,530 --> 01:21:59,873
I don't
remember the order!
1658
01:21:59,875 --> 01:22:00,941
We're gonna be okay.
1659
01:22:00,943 --> 01:22:03,114
No it's not.
1660
01:22:03,116 --> 01:22:04,286
It will!
1661
01:22:04,288 --> 01:22:06,114
I'm
gonna die out here.
1662
01:22:06,116 --> 01:22:07,254
I am gonna die
1663
01:22:08,909 --> 01:22:11,700
from selling toilet
paper and lotions.
1664
01:22:11,702 --> 01:22:14,597
All because of a stupid
virus that I never had.
1665
01:22:14,599 --> 01:22:17,286
I just wanted to marble
race with my daughter.
1666
01:22:17,288 --> 01:22:19,286
But no.
1667
01:22:19,288 --> 01:22:22,769
No, you had to
talk me into this!
1668
01:22:22,771 --> 01:22:24,597
Isn't Aaliyah like 17?
1669
01:22:24,599 --> 01:22:26,079
That's not the point.
1670
01:22:26,081 --> 01:22:26,976
It's gonna be
okay, you gotta chill out.
1671
01:22:26,978 --> 01:22:28,631
We've had two miracles.
1672
01:22:28,633 --> 01:22:31,286
Miracles come in
threes, we got one more.
1673
01:22:31,288 --> 01:22:32,769
It is bad things!
1674
01:22:32,771 --> 01:22:34,424
Bad things that come in threes.
1675
01:22:34,426 --> 01:22:36,562
What if we use the van?
1676
01:22:36,564 --> 01:22:38,597
It's a bit morbid, you know?
1677
01:22:38,599 --> 01:22:41,735
Well, we don't have a
lot of options here, do we?
1678
01:22:41,737 --> 01:22:43,700
It just seems a little dark,
1679
01:22:43,702 --> 01:22:47,114
maybe we could dial
it back a little.
1680
01:22:47,116 --> 01:22:50,252
As if there's a
feel-good way to do this?
1681
01:22:50,254 --> 01:22:54,183
Do you really
think it was a miracle?
1682
01:22:54,185 --> 01:22:55,321
I think so.
1683
01:22:55,323 --> 01:22:56,321
Right.
1684
01:22:56,323 --> 01:22:57,010
Maybe the guns were broken.
1685
01:22:57,012 --> 01:22:58,700
Maybe.
1686
01:22:58,702 --> 01:23:01,355
But it is unlikely
for two guns to be broken.
1687
01:23:01,357 --> 01:23:04,183
It does
seem very improbable.
1688
01:23:04,185 --> 01:23:06,321
I don't know, there's...
1689
01:23:06,323 --> 01:23:09,424
Look, we could just
leave them here.
1690
01:23:09,426 --> 01:23:13,183
It's a hot day, there's
no one around for miles.
1691
01:23:13,185 --> 01:23:16,047
I saw a pack of
vultures flying in.
1692
01:23:17,219 --> 01:23:20,493
Maybe the vultures
will eat them.
1693
01:23:20,495 --> 01:23:22,424
And you didn't want
this to go too dark?
1694
01:23:25,185 --> 01:23:26,838
Is that a bullet hole?
1695
01:23:26,840 --> 01:23:28,873
That sure looks
like a bullet hole.
1696
01:23:28,875 --> 01:23:30,528
I didn't hear a gun.
1697
01:23:30,530 --> 01:23:32,321
Maybe it's been there
from the beginning.
1698
01:23:32,323 --> 01:23:33,769
What?
1699
01:23:33,771 --> 01:23:34,666
Yeah, like, it was
there from the beginning,
1700
01:23:34,668 --> 01:23:35,976
we just never noticed it.
1701
01:23:35,978 --> 01:23:37,355
I think you would have
remembered that, Skinny.
1702
01:23:39,219 --> 01:23:40,735
I think we're being shot at.
1703
01:23:40,737 --> 01:23:42,873
Yeah, we're being shot
at, genius, what do we do?
1704
01:23:42,875 --> 01:23:44,907
It doesn't make any sense.
1705
01:23:44,909 --> 01:23:46,424
They're still back there.
1706
01:23:46,426 --> 01:23:47,700
What is your point, Skinny?
1707
01:23:47,702 --> 01:23:49,148
Well, if they're
still tied back there,
1708
01:23:49,150 --> 01:23:50,148
how could they shoot at us,
1709
01:23:50,150 --> 01:23:51,355
I mean, it doesn't make sense,
1710
01:23:51,357 --> 01:23:52,493
the trajectory would be all off.
1711
01:23:54,081 --> 01:23:55,528
Maybe they have telepathy.
1712
01:23:55,530 --> 01:23:56,562
Get in the car,
let's leave 'em.
1713
01:23:56,564 --> 01:23:57,838
What?
1714
01:23:57,840 --> 01:23:58,666
What if that's what
they want us to do?
1715
01:23:58,668 --> 01:23:59,976
Get in the car, man!
1716
01:24:16,116 --> 01:24:18,114
Now, these don't look
like no Jehovah's Witnesses
1717
01:24:18,116 --> 01:24:19,666
I've ever seen!
1718
01:24:19,668 --> 01:24:21,941
It's a really interesting
tactic that you've chosen.
1719
01:24:21,943 --> 01:24:22,769
- Tactic?
- Sh!
1720
01:24:22,771 --> 01:24:23,702
Sh, sh, sh.
1721
01:24:24,875 --> 01:24:28,045
Listen, this'd be a lot easier
1722
01:24:28,047 --> 01:24:29,941
if you just let
it run its course.
1723
01:24:29,943 --> 01:24:32,735
I'm not falling for
this Trojan horse thing
1724
01:24:32,737 --> 01:24:34,735
you got going on.
1725
01:24:34,737 --> 01:24:36,045
My, my, my,
1726
01:24:36,047 --> 01:24:38,045
looks like you got
yourself a bleeding bum.
1727
01:24:38,047 --> 01:24:41,528
Yeah, his bum is
bleeding really good.
1728
01:24:41,530 --> 01:24:42,941
I could use a doctor.
1729
01:24:42,943 --> 01:24:44,045
It could be fake.
1730
01:24:47,461 --> 01:24:48,286
Maybe it's real.
1731
01:24:48,288 --> 01:24:49,597
Yes it's real!
1732
01:24:49,599 --> 01:24:51,424
Well, you could
be yelling like that
1733
01:24:51,426 --> 01:24:52,700
if you were acting the part.
1734
01:24:52,702 --> 01:24:53,907
Government would
have trained ya.
1735
01:24:53,909 --> 01:24:54,873
I'm not-
1736
01:24:54,875 --> 01:24:56,355
- You should check it again.
1737
01:24:58,150 --> 01:24:59,079
I don't know.
1738
01:24:59,081 --> 01:25:00,321
What are you doing, man?
1739
01:25:00,323 --> 01:25:01,769
Bum bleeds for real.
1740
01:25:01,771 --> 01:25:03,666
We're just in need
of a little help.
1741
01:25:03,668 --> 01:25:05,390
Like everybody.
1742
01:25:05,392 --> 01:25:08,148
Well, if you're not government,
you must be Big Pharma.
1743
01:25:08,150 --> 01:25:09,769
Big Pharma?
1744
01:25:09,771 --> 01:25:10,943
Pharm, pharmec,
1745
01:25:13,495 --> 01:25:14,873
pharmecutic,
1746
01:25:14,875 --> 01:25:15,976
you know, medicine!
1747
01:25:15,978 --> 01:25:17,217
I got it.
1748
01:25:17,219 --> 01:25:18,976
They inject you
with something?
1749
01:25:18,978 --> 01:25:20,666
You know, they're pushing
this whole vaccine
1750
01:25:20,668 --> 01:25:22,459
for this virus and
everybody knows
1751
01:25:22,461 --> 01:25:25,045
this virus is just a hoax.
1752
01:25:25,047 --> 01:25:26,907
It's 5G that's
killing everybody!
1753
01:25:26,909 --> 01:25:31,217
Hell, we blew up the tower on
our own property, just pew!
1754
01:25:31,219 --> 01:25:33,010
That sounds very responsible.
1755
01:25:33,012 --> 01:25:35,873
You look like government,
especially the big fella.
1756
01:25:35,875 --> 01:25:39,010
We ain't got no love
for government here.
1757
01:25:39,012 --> 01:25:41,183
Well Felicity,
1758
01:25:41,185 --> 01:25:44,838
those don't look like any
coyotes I've ever seen.
1759
01:25:44,840 --> 01:25:46,148
No, they do not.
1760
01:25:47,150 --> 01:25:48,321
Come on!
1761
01:25:48,323 --> 01:25:49,804
Honey pie, I believe
I know these guys.
1762
01:25:49,806 --> 01:25:51,493
What are you doing here?
1763
01:25:51,495 --> 01:25:53,321
We've had a really long day.
1764
01:25:53,323 --> 01:25:54,597
But you're gonna
be playing around
1765
01:25:54,599 --> 01:25:56,355
on the ground like this.
1766
01:25:56,357 --> 01:25:58,148
We have a coyote infestation.
1767
01:25:58,150 --> 01:26:00,528
So you did buy the
gun for your wife.
1768
01:26:00,530 --> 01:26:01,875
Yeah, coyotes.
1769
01:26:03,047 --> 01:26:04,562
I got sensitive ears.
1770
01:26:04,564 --> 01:26:05,941
Hey, you boys wanna come
up to the house for tea.
1771
01:26:05,943 --> 01:26:07,424
Not in a million years.
1772
01:26:07,426 --> 01:26:10,217
We've got plans, we have
somewhere we gotta be.
1773
01:26:10,219 --> 01:26:11,355
We do?
1774
01:26:11,357 --> 01:26:12,597
Yes we do.
1775
01:26:12,599 --> 01:26:14,424
Where are
we supposed to be?
1776
01:26:14,426 --> 01:26:16,528
We gotta go save
that little girl.
1777
01:26:16,530 --> 01:26:17,838
We just
got out of trouble
1778
01:26:17,840 --> 01:26:19,355
and you wanna go back there?
1779
01:26:19,357 --> 01:26:21,700
You want to leave that
girl there with Primo?
1780
01:26:21,702 --> 01:26:23,838
What is this, some rescue
operation or something?
1781
01:26:23,840 --> 01:26:24,666
Yes.
1782
01:26:24,668 --> 01:26:26,114
No.
1783
01:26:26,116 --> 01:26:26,941
He's crazy.
1784
01:26:26,943 --> 01:26:28,459
Do you need help?
1785
01:26:28,461 --> 01:26:31,217
'Cause I've got that RPG that
I've been just dying to use.
1786
01:26:31,219 --> 01:26:32,528
Oh yeah, he traded
our car for it.
1787
01:26:32,530 --> 01:26:34,321
Almost blew up our house.
1788
01:26:34,323 --> 01:26:36,217
You know what?
1789
01:26:36,219 --> 01:26:40,599
We've got a plan, I think
we'll give it a shot first.
1790
01:26:43,599 --> 01:26:45,562
Don't say it like that.
1791
01:26:45,564 --> 01:26:47,737
Now buddy, that's three.
1792
01:26:48,599 --> 01:26:49,424
Three?
1793
01:26:49,426 --> 01:26:50,666
Three what?
1794
01:26:50,668 --> 01:26:51,564
Miracles.
1795
01:26:53,047 --> 01:26:54,737
I've had an epiphany.
1796
01:26:56,392 --> 01:26:58,252
I thought there were only two.
1797
01:26:58,254 --> 01:27:01,286
No, I'm counting the
crazy coyote people.
1798
01:27:01,288 --> 01:27:02,631
They can say it's a coincidence,
1799
01:27:02,633 --> 01:27:06,392
but I don't think we can
say that now, can we?
1800
01:27:12,978 --> 01:27:16,493
We're outside in the
middle of nowhere, buddy.
1801
01:27:16,495 --> 01:27:18,355
Man, this virus, it just,
1802
01:27:18,357 --> 01:27:21,597
you know, I just, I
don't know what's safe
1803
01:27:21,599 --> 01:27:22,459
and what's not safe.
1804
01:27:22,461 --> 01:27:24,321
That's the epiphany.
1805
01:27:24,323 --> 01:27:27,838
There's nothing
safe in this world.
1806
01:27:27,840 --> 01:27:31,631
You can wear a mask
and get hit by a bus.
1807
01:27:31,633 --> 01:27:33,838
And you can not wear a mask
1808
01:27:33,840 --> 01:27:36,838
and also get hit by a bus.
1809
01:27:36,840 --> 01:27:38,424
Sounds like you got
a problem with buses.
1810
01:27:38,426 --> 01:27:40,907
Look, I saw all
the people panicking,
1811
01:27:40,909 --> 01:27:43,079
crippled by their fear,
putting their faith
1812
01:27:43,081 --> 01:27:44,321
in little itchy pieces of paper.
1813
01:27:44,323 --> 01:27:46,769
And I thought, "Look at
'em, they're all scared.
1814
01:27:46,771 --> 01:27:48,288
I'm not like that."
1815
01:27:49,668 --> 01:27:52,597
I guess it turns out
I'm no different at all.
1816
01:27:52,599 --> 01:27:55,597
Yeah, but you aren't
really afraid of the virus.
1817
01:27:55,599 --> 01:27:56,875
I was scared.
1818
01:27:58,806 --> 01:28:02,666
Not of the 'rona, but
of everything else.
1819
01:28:02,668 --> 01:28:05,700
Losing my job,
becoming destitute,
1820
01:28:05,702 --> 01:28:08,355
and trying to
provide for a family.
1821
01:28:08,357 --> 01:28:11,840
I started a company
scalping toilet paper!
1822
01:28:13,564 --> 01:28:16,390
Selling little itty
bottles of lotion!
1823
01:28:16,392 --> 01:28:19,150
Getting shot in
the behind of me!
1824
01:28:21,081 --> 01:28:22,840
Because I was scared.
1825
01:28:24,323 --> 01:28:28,148
So do you want the mask
or do you not want the mask?
1826
01:28:28,150 --> 01:28:30,769
Mask, no mask, the
masks aren't the point.
1827
01:28:30,771 --> 01:28:35,528
There's always gonna be
another reason to be afraid.
1828
01:28:35,530 --> 01:28:38,493
But we get to choose how
we deal with the fear.
1829
01:28:38,495 --> 01:28:40,424
You know, a virus comes to town,
1830
01:28:40,426 --> 01:28:43,252
we choose how we're
gonna respond.
1831
01:28:43,254 --> 01:28:45,804
Bad things happen in our world,
1832
01:28:45,806 --> 01:28:47,390
and we choose how
we're gonna behave
1833
01:28:47,392 --> 01:28:49,183
and what we're gonna do.
1834
01:28:49,185 --> 01:28:52,183
You know, a bad guy
points a gun to our heads
1835
01:28:52,185 --> 01:28:56,148
and takes that little
girl, and we choose.
1836
01:28:56,150 --> 01:28:59,461
Are we gonna run, or
are we gonna fight?
1837
01:29:03,461 --> 01:29:06,012
To live in fear, it's a choice,
1838
01:29:08,081 --> 01:29:11,461
so I think it's time
we stopped doing it.
1839
01:29:12,461 --> 01:29:15,286
Do you have to be so close.
1840
01:29:15,288 --> 01:29:17,907
I can't see you unless
you're right there.
1841
01:29:17,909 --> 01:29:18,941
Oh.
1842
01:29:18,943 --> 01:29:19,873
You're a blob.
1843
01:29:27,150 --> 01:29:28,597
Hey, Barker.
1844
01:29:28,599 --> 01:29:30,079
Hey, I heard about
what happened,
1845
01:29:30,081 --> 01:29:32,045
you missing your
daughter the other day.
1846
01:29:32,047 --> 01:29:34,148
Ooh, yeah, that was horrible.
1847
01:29:34,150 --> 01:29:37,735
Hey, listen though, I can
help you out with that.
1848
01:29:37,737 --> 01:29:39,459
I could grease some
gears, you know?
1849
01:29:39,461 --> 01:29:41,217
Maybe find out what
happened to her.
1850
01:29:41,219 --> 01:29:42,116
But listen,
1851
01:29:43,909 --> 01:29:47,252
as soon as that paycheck
protection program money comes in,
1852
01:29:47,254 --> 01:29:49,907
I'm gonna need you to
send some of that my way.
1853
01:29:49,909 --> 01:29:52,219
Consider it my finder's fee.
1854
01:29:57,633 --> 01:29:58,804
Why you looking like that?
1855
01:29:58,806 --> 01:29:59,976
Like what?
1856
01:29:59,978 --> 01:30:00,804
Like that.
1857
01:30:00,806 --> 01:30:01,769
Like what?
1858
01:30:01,771 --> 01:30:03,079
Like that.
1859
01:30:03,081 --> 01:30:06,873
This is the
face I make at meanos.
1860
01:30:11,461 --> 01:30:13,390
Are you sure we
don't need protection?
1861
01:30:13,392 --> 01:30:14,219
No guns.
1862
01:30:15,702 --> 01:30:18,735
What do I do if they see me?
1863
01:30:18,737 --> 01:30:20,666
Your name is Punch.
1864
01:30:20,668 --> 01:30:23,943
But I've never
really punched anybody.
1865
01:30:25,219 --> 01:30:26,735
Then why do they
call you Punch?
1866
01:30:26,737 --> 01:30:29,252
Punch, like the juice.
1867
01:30:29,254 --> 01:30:31,010
The fruity kind.
1868
01:30:31,012 --> 01:30:34,252
I had a little addiction when
I was in elementary school,
1869
01:30:34,254 --> 01:30:35,735
and I was a little overweight,
1870
01:30:35,737 --> 01:30:36,941
and I had a great mustache,
1871
01:30:36,943 --> 01:30:40,079
and I just, I really
never got over it.
1872
01:30:40,081 --> 01:30:43,079
What is the point of
having all these muscles
1873
01:30:43,081 --> 01:30:44,735
if you can't even hit a guy?
1874
01:30:44,737 --> 01:30:48,148
Look, I could do
it, but theoretically,
1875
01:30:48,150 --> 01:30:49,597
I don't understand
the mechanics.
1876
01:30:49,599 --> 01:30:53,700
Oh my gosh, you just
swing your arms, man.
1877
01:30:56,047 --> 01:30:56,806
Really?
1878
01:30:57,737 --> 01:30:59,493
She was saying mean things.
1879
01:30:59,495 --> 01:31:01,978
Your momma says mean things.
1880
01:31:03,875 --> 01:31:06,286
I don't know if that's
really necessary, I mean,
1881
01:31:06,288 --> 01:31:09,700
the whole point is to
not let the virus get in.
1882
01:31:09,702 --> 01:31:13,840
But it doesn't come in
through the eye holes, man.
1883
01:31:19,357 --> 01:31:22,806
Don't worry about it,
I'll go check it out.
1884
01:32:34,875 --> 01:32:36,528
Okay, I'm gonna
take your mask off,
1885
01:32:36,530 --> 01:32:38,530
just don't scream, okay?
1886
01:32:42,392 --> 01:32:44,357
Your face looks funny.
1887
01:32:48,047 --> 01:32:51,252
Okay, I'm gonna have to go
get some scissors, all right?
1888
01:32:51,254 --> 01:32:54,459
You're not really
good at rescues.
1889
01:32:54,461 --> 01:32:57,941
Well, it's an A for
effort though, right?
1890
01:32:57,943 --> 01:33:01,081
You aren't really
trying that hard.
1891
01:33:22,392 --> 01:33:23,219
You!
1892
01:33:32,599 --> 01:33:36,217
I did it!
1893
01:33:36,219 --> 01:33:37,079
What?
1894
01:33:37,081 --> 01:33:39,114
I punched him!
1895
01:33:39,116 --> 01:33:40,804
He is out cold!
1896
01:33:40,806 --> 01:33:42,597
That's great!
1897
01:33:42,599 --> 01:33:44,114
Help me find some scissors.
1898
01:33:44,116 --> 01:33:47,597
Oh man, I'm like, er, I'm
like a one punch machine!
1899
01:33:47,599 --> 01:33:51,286
I'm like Mike Tyson, but you
know, with a deeper voice.
1900
01:33:51,288 --> 01:33:56,254
Oh, I popped
him square in the nose.
1901
01:33:57,978 --> 01:33:59,390
But there's blood.
1902
01:33:59,392 --> 01:34:00,875
Don't you dare.
1903
01:34:04,185 --> 01:34:06,459
Oh, you've gotta
be kidding me, man!
1904
01:34:06,461 --> 01:34:07,288
Hey!
1905
01:34:34,254 --> 01:34:37,183
You just won't die.
1906
01:34:37,185 --> 01:34:39,875
Here I have a job,
I have a plan,
1907
01:34:41,840 --> 01:34:44,875
and you just keep
getting in the way.
1908
01:34:54,392 --> 01:34:56,562
Have I given you the tour yet?
1909
01:34:56,564 --> 01:34:59,217
Oh, well how rude of me.
1910
01:34:59,219 --> 01:35:01,426
This is the factory floor.
1911
01:35:02,461 --> 01:35:04,079
Over there, we have an office.
1912
01:35:04,081 --> 01:35:05,907
Over there, we've
got a bathroom,
1913
01:35:05,909 --> 01:35:08,700
but the piece de resistance is,
1914
01:35:08,702 --> 01:35:11,047
let me show you, the freezer.
1915
01:35:12,150 --> 01:35:14,666
It's minus 30 degrees in there.
1916
01:35:14,668 --> 01:35:18,321
We use it to instantly
freeze the pies.
1917
01:35:18,323 --> 01:35:21,806
Good for the pies, bad
for the human body.
1918
01:35:24,633 --> 01:35:26,392
Oh yeah, it's chilly.
1919
01:35:27,254 --> 01:35:28,357
Slippery too.
1920
01:35:29,288 --> 01:35:31,597
Gotta watch yourself.
1921
01:35:31,599 --> 01:35:35,564
So there you go, this
concludes our little tour.
1922
01:35:37,081 --> 01:35:39,252
Thank you for your
participation.
1923
01:35:39,254 --> 01:35:40,288
Safe travels.
1924
01:35:45,668 --> 01:35:47,769
Is this really all
you got, little man?
1925
01:35:58,943 --> 01:36:00,668
Hey man, you dead?
1926
01:36:06,599 --> 01:36:07,426
Okay.
1927
01:36:08,495 --> 01:36:09,668
You chill out.
1928
01:36:27,323 --> 01:36:29,288
What took you so long?
1929
01:36:30,599 --> 01:36:32,459
I was taking a tour.
1930
01:36:33,426 --> 01:36:34,771
It's time to go.
1931
01:36:36,806 --> 01:36:37,941
What happened to you?
1932
01:36:37,943 --> 01:36:39,597
You failed me, man.
1933
01:36:39,599 --> 01:36:41,666
I had to take on Primo alone.
1934
01:36:41,668 --> 01:36:42,597
Where is he?
1935
01:36:42,599 --> 01:36:44,252
Oh, I whipped him.
1936
01:36:44,254 --> 01:36:45,183
What?
1937
01:36:45,185 --> 01:36:47,183
Yeah, I'm super strong.
1938
01:36:47,185 --> 01:36:48,390
What's that?
1939
01:36:48,392 --> 01:36:50,217
That's Primo, I locked
him in the freezer.
1940
01:36:50,219 --> 01:36:52,116
He needed to chill out.
1941
01:36:53,185 --> 01:36:54,459
Hi there.
1942
01:36:54,461 --> 01:36:56,321
The missing girl is here.
1943
01:36:56,323 --> 01:36:59,530
Also, illegal weapons
too, lots of 'em.
1944
01:37:00,737 --> 01:37:02,597
The serial numbers
are filed off,
1945
01:37:02,599 --> 01:37:07,079
and probably murder weapons
and, you know, everything.
1946
01:37:07,081 --> 01:37:10,047
Um, you better send
SWAT and the DEA
1947
01:37:11,288 --> 01:37:15,010
and just send all the
police and everybody.
1948
01:37:15,012 --> 01:37:16,735
Okay kiddo, this is it.
1949
01:37:16,737 --> 01:37:18,114
Police are on their way,
they'll be here any minute,
1950
01:37:18,116 --> 01:37:20,357
so go and have a good life.
1951
01:37:21,357 --> 01:37:23,217
I changed my mind.
1952
01:37:23,219 --> 01:37:25,045
You did? About what?
1953
01:37:25,047 --> 01:37:27,978
You two look
essential after all.
1954
01:37:29,047 --> 01:37:31,081
Well, that's very nice.
1955
01:37:32,047 --> 01:37:34,219
The juries are still out.
1956
01:37:35,426 --> 01:37:38,183
I love these little
chats that we have.
1957
01:37:38,185 --> 01:37:40,390
Here, talk
to the police lady.
1958
01:37:40,392 --> 01:37:41,873
Hello.
1959
01:37:41,875 --> 01:37:43,183
Hi.
1960
01:37:43,185 --> 01:37:44,840
Do you like bunnies.
1961
01:37:48,909 --> 01:37:49,840
Well man.
1962
01:37:54,564 --> 01:37:56,045
Let's go home.
1963
01:37:56,047 --> 01:37:59,459
Man, I'm gonna build,
like, the best marble race.
1964
01:37:59,461 --> 01:38:02,941
Yes you are, it's gonna be
the greatest marble race ever.
1965
01:38:02,943 --> 01:38:05,459
And Aaliyah will love
it even though she's 17.
1966
01:38:05,461 --> 01:38:06,631
She probably loves
marbles, I mean,
1967
01:38:06,633 --> 01:38:09,148
what 17 year old
doesn't love marbles?
1968
01:38:09,150 --> 01:38:11,252
I mean, they're so fun.
1969
01:38:11,254 --> 01:38:12,976
And I will go home
and play zombie ducks,
1970
01:38:12,978 --> 01:38:14,804
and I will explain
everything to Katie,
1971
01:38:14,806 --> 01:38:16,735
she will still love me
and I'm gonna stay married
1972
01:38:16,737 --> 01:38:17,804
because we cannot
let your mother
1973
01:38:17,806 --> 01:38:19,666
be right now, can we Punch?
1974
01:38:19,668 --> 01:38:20,495
We cannot.
1975
01:38:22,840 --> 01:38:27,148
Nope, we will win best father
awards together, you and me.
1976
01:38:27,150 --> 01:38:29,941
You with your marbles,
and me with my-
1977
01:38:29,943 --> 01:38:30,907
- Dude!
1978
01:38:30,909 --> 01:38:33,597
What is wrong with your car?
1979
01:38:36,806 --> 01:38:38,079
Daddy.
1980
01:38:39,771 --> 01:38:41,771
Do we have time to play?
1981
01:38:43,288 --> 01:38:45,909
Buddy, I've got some bad news.
1982
01:38:47,288 --> 01:38:49,010
The zombie ducks
are already coming,
1983
01:38:49,012 --> 01:38:50,804
look, they nearly got
me on my way home!
1984
01:38:50,806 --> 01:38:52,941
Ooh, does that hurt?
1985
01:38:52,943 --> 01:38:55,148
Yeah, it hurts a lot.
1986
01:38:55,150 --> 01:38:56,562
So you know what I
think we should do?
1987
01:38:56,564 --> 01:38:58,114
What?
1988
01:38:58,116 --> 01:38:59,804
We should get everybody
downstairs to the table right now.
1989
01:38:59,806 --> 01:39:02,012
- Yes!
- To deal with them.
1990
01:39:09,564 --> 01:39:13,079
I'm really glad
you're home, Daddy.
1991
01:39:13,081 --> 01:39:14,735
I'm glad to be home, buddy.
1992
01:39:14,737 --> 01:39:15,562
You know what?
1993
01:39:15,564 --> 01:39:16,735
What?
1994
01:39:16,737 --> 01:39:19,668
I'm gonna stay
home, for a long time.
1995
01:39:21,323 --> 01:39:23,355
All right, here we go,
1996
01:39:23,357 --> 01:39:25,493
the moment that you guys
have been waiting for.
1997
01:39:25,495 --> 01:39:27,493
Look at this amazing track.
1998
01:39:27,495 --> 01:39:29,666
Aaliyah babe, are you ready?
1999
01:39:29,668 --> 01:39:30,493
Coming.
2000
01:39:30,495 --> 01:39:31,873
All right!
2001
01:39:31,875 --> 01:39:34,978
The famous marble
race, and the star,
2002
01:39:37,323 --> 01:39:40,217
yep, and myself!
2003
01:39:40,219 --> 01:39:42,528
All right, what do we have here?
2004
01:39:42,530 --> 01:39:43,357
Oh yeah.
2005
01:39:44,909 --> 01:39:46,219
It's going down!
2006
01:39:48,012 --> 01:39:49,252
It is going down.
2007
01:39:49,254 --> 01:39:50,390
What do we have here?
2008
01:39:50,392 --> 01:39:52,148
Oh yeah, look at those.
2009
01:39:52,150 --> 01:39:53,528
All right!
2010
01:39:53,530 --> 01:39:55,631
Which one do you
think's gonna win, babe?
2011
01:39:55,633 --> 01:39:57,045
Silver.
2012
01:39:57,047 --> 01:40:00,562
Okay, yes,
silver bullet.
2013
01:40:00,564 --> 01:40:03,183
All right, here we go.
2014
01:40:03,185 --> 01:40:05,079
Here we get ready to start.
2015
01:40:05,081 --> 01:40:07,252
Look at this thing here,
this is so creative.
2016
01:40:07,254 --> 01:40:08,907
Look at this.
2017
01:40:08,909 --> 01:40:10,907
Me and my babe did that.
2018
01:40:10,909 --> 01:40:12,286
All right.
2019
01:40:12,288 --> 01:40:13,838
And...
2020
01:40:17,978 --> 01:40:19,633
Wait, yep, um, um...
2021
01:40:23,047 --> 01:40:23,875
Um...
2022
01:40:26,461 --> 01:40:28,838
That was fun.
2023
01:40:28,840 --> 01:40:29,668
Um...
2024
01:40:31,564 --> 01:40:32,392
Yeah.
2025
01:40:34,461 --> 01:40:35,838
What's up, man?
2026
01:40:35,840 --> 01:40:36,735
What's up man?
2027
01:40:36,737 --> 01:40:37,493
- Cheers.
- How are you?
2028
01:40:37,495 --> 01:40:38,355
Cheers.
2029
01:40:38,357 --> 01:40:39,666
Man, it's really awesome
2030
01:40:39,668 --> 01:40:41,735
that Uncle Bernie let
you borrow the place.
2031
01:40:41,737 --> 01:40:43,045
Yeah, I don't think
we'll ever go back.
2032
01:40:43,047 --> 01:40:44,079
Yeah.
2033
01:40:44,081 --> 01:40:45,804
So, did you do
the marble race?
2034
01:40:45,806 --> 01:40:46,976
Was it awesome?
2035
01:40:46,978 --> 01:40:48,252
Awesome!
2036
01:40:48,254 --> 01:40:51,907
It was great, and
I had so much run,
2037
01:40:51,909 --> 01:40:54,045
I had forgot to push record,
2038
01:40:54,047 --> 01:40:56,528
but yeah, you
know, it was great.
2039
01:40:56,530 --> 01:40:57,804
Lame.
2040
01:40:57,806 --> 01:40:58,666
That's kind of a
bummer after all that.
2041
01:40:58,668 --> 01:40:59,631
Yeah.
2042
01:40:59,633 --> 01:41:00,631
So what are you gonna do now?
2043
01:41:00,633 --> 01:41:02,252
You know, we got all this time.
2044
01:41:02,254 --> 01:41:03,873
You know, I've actually
been thinking about that,
2045
01:41:03,875 --> 01:41:05,907
you know, I've got
all these people
2046
01:41:05,909 --> 01:41:08,597
that are wanting to train
at the track, and...
2047
01:41:20,806 --> 01:41:22,424
I feel hot, come here,
come here, feel me.
2048
01:41:22,426 --> 01:41:24,735
- I feel hot.
- I can't feel you, man!
2049
01:41:24,737 --> 01:41:27,771
Gotcha!
2050
01:41:32,323 --> 01:41:33,597
That's so funny.
2051
01:41:33,599 --> 01:41:38,459
Oh, you should've seen
your face.
2052
01:41:38,461 --> 01:41:40,252
That's not cool, man.
2053
01:41:40,254 --> 01:41:42,390
That was mean, that
was really mean man.
2054
01:41:42,392 --> 01:41:45,079
I was having genuine
feelings about you just then,
2055
01:41:45,081 --> 01:41:46,941
genuine concern welling up.
2056
01:41:46,943 --> 01:41:50,390
Dude, I had to man, I
just, like, really, I had to.
2057
01:41:50,392 --> 01:41:52,941
My kids could
have been out here.
2058
01:41:52,943 --> 01:41:54,700
They could have been out
here, if they had seen that,
2059
01:41:54,702 --> 01:41:55,631
they would be crying right now,
2060
01:41:55,633 --> 01:41:57,148
there'd be sobbing everywhere.
2061
01:41:57,150 --> 01:41:59,735
"Daddy, Punch is gonna die,"
it'd just be really bad.
2062
01:41:59,737 --> 01:42:01,666
You gotta think
about that kind stuff
2063
01:42:01,668 --> 01:42:03,941
- before you pull stunts, man.
- Dude, it was a joke.
2064
01:42:16,806 --> 01:42:19,254
How's that for a punchline?
136297
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