All language subtitles for Bridget And Eamon s04e03 The Home Brew.eng

(upbeat electronic music)

(drink pouring into glass)

- Are you smugglin' drink, Eamon?

- No, I paid for this drinks, I did.

I didn't.

(gasps)
- Eamon!

- This competition in the newspapers

to get Foster and Allen

to play in one of your houses, imagine!

- Oh my god, I just love Foster.

I heard that he can impregnate a woman

just by looking at her.

Did you know that they were
number one in New Zealand

for four weeks?

(all gasp)

- They're just amazing, they're
one of my favorite bands

in the whole world, and I
don't know any other bands.

- To win, simply complete
the following sentence

in no less than 30 words.

I like Foster and Allen because ...

Oh, I give up.

- What?

No, Eamon, there's loads
of us here to help.

I like Foster and Allen because

- Um, because
- Because

- Can you read the question again?

- I like Foster and Allen because

Oh, I just can't think of a word!

- Oh, come on, anyone!

Someone, use their imagination.

- Brr!

- Here, Eamon, what ever
happened to that young fella

in school who used his
imagination that time?

- Oh yeah.

We beat the shit out of him.

(laughs)

- That was class.

- Because!

They're very good.

- Write that down.

- Okay.

- That's just three words, though.

We need 27 more.

- Eh, blue.

- What?

- That's my favorite color.

- Write down blue.

- I saw that one!

You, you're barred.

- No!

What does that mean?

- It means you can't drink in here.

And you can't come back here, ever again!

- Nooo!

(funky electronic music)

- Eamon?

I'm off out to meet the
other women in the pub,

because, well, I can't think
of anything else to do.

- You're barred.

- I'm not!

- I was caught smuggling drink in.

I'm barred.

That means you're barred.

- I'm an independent lady!

And I have my own independent

- Thoughts.

- Yeah, okay, yeah!

Yeah, I'm barred.

- Shut up, I'm trying to watch this!

- The Irish have been
brewing this illegal booze

for hundreds of years.

Some say it's good for what ails you.

Others say it's very dangerous.

- [Voiceover] Police discovered
the illegal operation

and full production.

Then, the ultimate test.

- It's really good stuff.

- Bridget, have I ever told you about

my family's secret recipe for poitin?

- No.

- No, you haven't, because I'm brilliant

at keeping secrets.

I know where Shergar's buried.

- Where?

- Just outside Borris-in-Ossory

Ah, shit.

(dramatic music)
(dog barking)

Yes!

- I hope you're not looking at old issues

of Ireland's Own,

with the pictures of the
women in the tight cardigans.

- 'Course not!

I'm not a pervert.

Nothin' but junk up here anyway.

I told you to get rid
of this old painting!

- Won't fit in the bin!

And don't touch my chalice!

My father found that in a bog years ago.

- Chalices!

Who uses chalices anymore?

When was the last time
you hear someone say,

Jesus, would you get me an
old chalice full of tea?

Or, I'm parched for a
chalice full of MiWadi?

You're throwing that out.

- You say so.

(gasps)

(dramatic music)

- Oh, it's beautiful.

(rock music)
(dog barking)

Right, according to this
recipe, I think it just needs

one more pinch of that.

(fizzling)

Now stir it.

(water sloshing)

Right, enough.

Finally, our own homemade poitin,

made from my great grandfather's recipe.

We'll never ever have to buy
another drink ever ever again,

until the day I die, probably
from drinking this poitin.

Okay you try it first.

- Are you sure it's okay?

It's just so many skull and bones

on some of the ingredients.

Don't mind me, you want?

- Yeah, that's just the alcohol companies

trying to protect their interests.

Go on.

- Okay, here I go.

Eamon, if you were going to distract me,

how would you do it?

- I'd say,

"Look Bridget, there's J.R.
Ewing in the back garden

"taking a slash," and you'd turn around.

So go on, drink now.

Go on, drink it.

- Oh look, there's J.R. in our
back garden having a slash!

- Where?

Where, where is he?

I don't see him.
(liquid pouring)

I don't see J.R.

Whereabouts is he?

- Mmmm, oh.

- Well?

- It's not strong enough?

- I knew it, put more of that stuff in.

- That's not J.R. Ewing,
that's Mick Hucknall, Bridget.

(liquid pouring)

(dog lapping up liquid)

(funky electronic music)

Right, it's finished.

It's time to get out of
our tiny little minds

by drinking all this free
booze that I cooked up,

literally, for free.

- Well, apart from all the
pots and pans you ruined,

the cost of the woven pipes,

all the stuff that you
have to put into it,

and the time it took us to make it.

- Yeah, well, apart from all
that, Bridget, it's free.

Now I don't want you
going telling the whole-

(door bell chimes)

Couldn't even get to
the end of the sentence.

(rock music)
(dog barking)

Now, one drink.

- [Group] Yes, one drink.

- I mean it, one drink.

- Eamon, what Irish person
goes on to have more drinks

after saying I'm just
having the one drink?

Who does that?

(laughter)

- I don't know.

- Well, there was the one.

- Come on.

(all murmur in appreciation)

- Right, slainte.

- [Group] Slainte!

- Bottoms up.

(liquid pouring and fizzing)

- Well that was piss water.

I don't feel anything.

- I've drank actual piss
water, and this tastes worse.

- I followed the recipe exactly, like.

There should be a bit of the

(slurring and distortion)

(new age chanting)

No, you're drunk.

(distorted laughing)

(distorted yelling)

(TV static)

(mimics a tiger)

(eagle calling)

(distorted laughing)

Yeah, one -

look for a safe place.

Two - don't hurry stop and wait.

Three - look all around you

(chanting)

- Salmonella.

- Salmonella.

Why aren't you chanting, Bridget?

- Don't know the words.

- But there are no words.

- Bum de bum bum de dum bum be dum-

- No, no, no, that's the wrong one.

(whispering) Before you
cross the road, remember.

Let all the traffic pass you.

I don't know the rest.

(flute music)

(eagle calling)

- Get off it!

- Where is my car keys?

Where is my car keys?

I want to (mumbling).

- Oh my God, Bridget, this is amazing.

Even though all the neighbors
think you're a massive pain

in the hole, what you and Eamon have done

is fantastic.

I mean, you've expanded
our tiny little minds.

What could possibly go wrong?

- Concepta, can you see that too?

- You mean, that dead dog?

- Yeah.

- He's dead.

- Shite.

(birds singing)

- (distorted voice)
Eamon, I've terrible news.

- Eamon, I'm hi, pleased to met me.

(slap)

Oh my God, your hand to
my face feels so good.

- (distorted voice) Snap out of it.

- Shhh, you're going to wake the baby.

Don't wake the little baby.

- (distorted voice) The dog is dead.

Do you know what that means?

- Yes I do.

This is big news.

We have to tell everyone.

- (distorted voice) Yes.

- The dog represents the universe

and the universe is dying.

Oh my God, the universe is dying.

This is so sad.

Who are you.

- (distorted voice) Eamon,

the dog drank the poitin, understand?

Everybody's going to fucking die!

- Why didn't you say
that in the first place?

- Finally, what are we going to do?

- I don't know.

Here, take the baby.

Take the baby, take the
baby, take the baby off me.

Take the baby, take the baby.

(breathes deeply)

- Eamon, that's the one that
used to eat his own shite.

- Smokes as well, where'd he learn that?

- We have to tell everybody.

The dog drank the poitin
exactly 12 hours ago,

so we don't have long.

I was going to make a stew,
but there's just no time.

I'm going to make a
few sandwiches instead.

- Look at them.

(neighs like a horse)

The world'll be a different
place without them.

Won't be a better place, but

be a different place.

(funky electronic music)

All right, I've got something to tell ya.

I want to apologize on behalf of Bridget.

Because it's all her fault.

- What?

- We're all going to die.

(laughter)

- Stop it.

Stop with it.

Shh.

Stop it!

It's true, it's true!

Look.

I gave the dog a taste of the
booze exactly 12 hours ago

(whispers) and now it's dead.

- Oh my God, you murderous
bitch, you killed your own dog.

- Yes
(laughter)

- [Noreen] Oh my God.

- Oh my God,

we're all going to die.

- Father, do something.

- If only there was some
sort of, ritual thingy,

we could all do together,
now, that might potentially

save our immortal souls.

There's got to be something.

There is, wait.

Give me a minute, I'll think of it.

- We've exactly 11 hours
and 58 minutes to live,

so let's make the most of it.

I've got something to tell you,

and I've got something to say.

I'm going to put this dream in motion,

I'm never going to let
anything stand in my way,

because when the going gets tough

the tough get a little bit better

what they did in the first place.

- I told you, if you're going
to reference Billy Ocean,

get it right!

- We've 11 hours and 58
minutes left to live,

so let's make it the best 11
hours and 58 minutes ever.

- Can you please stop saying

how long we've left to live, Bridget.

It's making me a bit uncomfortable.

Come on, we got to think
of something to do.

Come on, let's go.

Ideas, something to do.

What are we going to do.

Go!

- No, no, I wouldn't have anything now.

- Gardening?

- What are we going to do?

We need to do something!

Quick, ideas, something!

Anything!

- Wait!

I've got something to tell ya.

Now, i've got something to say.

I'm not going to stand in here anymore.

Come on, follow me.

- That's not it either, it's not, its.

I'm going to put this dream in motion,

never, no, I get it for you now.

(snoring)

- Put that back on, I was watching that.

- No, I won't.

I'm not spending the
last few hours of my life

watching Garda Patrol.

Oh my God, surely there's something else

we can think of doing.

- [Group] Hmmmm.

- Father?

- Father, still nothing, sorry.

- Well if there's nothing
else, how 'bout we have

an orgy?

- (laughing) Jesus Christ.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, yeah, always wanted, yeah.

(sighs)

- Okay, on three.

One, two,

two and a half.

Two and three quarters.

Two and seven eighths.

Three.

Come on, are we having
an orgy now, yes or no?

- [Group] Yes.

- Okay on three then.

One,

two,

three.

- Oh, Eamon, I don't mean to make you feel

self-conscious or anything,

but that is a ridiculously small-

- It's not that small.

Well, you wouldn't lose
your keys behind it, but

- They say size doesn't matter,

but that would matter to me.

I mean, Jesus Christ, look at it.

It's almost microscopic.

- Well in Eamon's defense.

- Yes.

- I can't think of anything right now.

(whispering) I told ya, I told ya.

- Get out.

- Ah, come on, ah no, stay and we'll-

- Come on.

- Well are we having an orgy, yes or no?

- Yes.

- [Group] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Okay, on three.

Three.

Well that was a complete waste of time.

And by the way, father,
twice I told you to back off.

Twice!

- What me?

Eamon, no, I was just climbing over you

to give Noreen a big kiss
and I just fell on ya.

- Yeah, and you kept on
falling on top of me.

I had to get Concepta
to help you up twice.

- Oh, shut your crack, lads.

That's what I'm here for.

- (Sighs) What are we going to do now?

- Another orgy.

(laughter)

- Jesus Chri ... yeah.

- Yeah, okay, yeah.

- Yeah, yeah.

(funky music)

- Well that was another
complete waste of time.

And again, Father.

You were close to getting a box that time.

- I slipped.

- Never mind that.

Look, we have 11 hours and 51 minutes

left of our meaningless lives.

We need to do something.

- Now, ideas for the list?

- Oh my God, I've always
wanted to audition

for a performing arts school in New York.

I'll be a dancer from the
wrong side of the tracks.

And I'll fall for a beautiful cellist

from the right side of the tracks.

- Like it, let's do it.

- That's "Fame."

That's the American
television show, "Fame."

And the flight's too long.

You'd die in the way
going over, you thick.

- Oh.

- Oh, oh, oh, I've got one.

It's always been my dream
to wear a leather jacket.

- Ohhh

- And to buy a talking
car, and call it KITT.

And the talking car would
have a booster button.

And when you press the
booster button the car flies.

- "Knight Rider!"

That's called "Knight Rider!"

Have any of you got any ideas

that aren't American television shows?

- Oh me, me.

I have one, I do.

And it's not an American TV show.

Ever since I was a child I've
always wanted to time travel

into different people's bodies.

And when I'm in those bodies

I give them a little hand, I do.

- "Quantum Leap."

- Shut up, no.

And I have a friend, called Al.

And he's a bit of a ghost,

and he has a computer called Ziggy.

And he gives me great advice.

Oh, and he smokes.

I'll write it down.

- You're not writing that down,

because that's called "Quantum Leap."

- I have an idea, but it's
a little bit embarrassing.

- It's okay, Concepta,

sure we'll all be dead in 11
hours and 48 minutes anyway.

- Right, okay, well,

I've always wanted to
take part in an orgy.

- What?

- Oh, God, I shouldn't have said anything.

- Concepta we just had two already.

- Huh?

- Jesus, is that what that was?

Oh my God, oh never
mind, still, nevermind.

- Has anybody got any other
ideas that isn't an orgy?

(funky music)

Bar another orgy, or an
American television program,

can somebody just think of something?

- [Group] Ummm.

- Huh!

- It's been over eight hours.

We've only three hours and
four minutes left to live,

and all we can come up
with is "Quantum Leap."

- I for one, say we do it.

- I told you, Bridget, if
time travel was possible,

no one would have married ya.

(laughs)

Somebody think of something.

- We can't, Eamon, we can't.

- Who would have thought
that our severely limited

imagination would have such a catastrophic

impact on our lives.

- There's a reason none
of us have left this town.

- Mmmm ... blue.

- Frank, will you stop
saying random words.

It's not helping.

- But it's my favorite color.

- That's it, that's it, Frank.

That's it.

I know what we should do.

No wait, I know what we have to do.

- What?

- Well, it's times like these,

you take stock in your life, don't ya?

- I don't know.

- Oh come on now, you do.

You definitely take stock of your life.

- [Group] Yeah, yeah.

- Only a few hours to
live, times like these,

you take stock of your life, come on now.

- Okay, okay, yeah.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- So what have I done with my life, huh?

300 pounds in the bank.

A hundred pounds in prize bonds

that I've never won anything on.

80 pounds in an old statue over there

that Bridget doesn't think I know about.

- 80 quid, I had four
grand in there, Eamon!

- 480 pounds, huh?

What kind of legacy is that to leave

to my four to five kids?

- Six to eight, Eamon.

- In fact, what's going to
happen them after I'm gone?

What's going to happen to all of our kids?

(dramatic music)

But more importantly,

what's going to happen to my 480 pounds?

Or yours, Concepta?

Or yours, Noreen?

Or yours, F ... Father, huh?

The bloody kids are going
to get it, that's what.

No way, not over my dead body.

- But isn't that the point,
Eamon, you'll be dead?

- Yes, good point.

- Exactly.

I don't want those little
shits outside playing

on the road not paying any
road tax to get it either.

What kind of message is that leaving them?

Here's 480 pounds for
doing nothing only the last

few years only wrecking
my feckin head, huh, huh?

They grow up wanting to
go to Trinity College

and work in television.

- Wankers.

- I don't know Eamon.

- Oh, if anyone should
know it's you, Concepta.

Your kids are the worst.

They're arseholes.

Tell her, tell her.

- Oh, yeah, your kids are awful, Concepta.

Complete arseholes.

- And gobshites.

- Actually, when I did my

- [Frank] Scum.

- No, when I did my.

- I hate your kids.

- I H'd it in child psychology,
no less, in Carlow IT.

I did notice that ah, no, my children,

they are little shits.

Hmm,

shame.

- Okay, we've got to spend
all our life's savings now.

Pool all our money together
for one grand splurge.

- Yes.
- Dream the impossible dream.

- Yes!

- And do something now that we can only do

with the few hours left in our lives.

- Oh.

- Yes!

- Oh, yeah.

- (mumbles) in the front room, yes, yes!

Blue, blue.

- Oh my God, I can't believe it.

Foster and Allen right
here in my front room.

- Wow, oh wow.

They're really here, wow, wow.

- Shut up, Concepta, you're
making a fool of yourself.

Foster and Allen, how'd you get the name.

- That is our names.

(laughs)

- (wheezes)

- Foster, you're my favorite.

- Well, I'm Allen.

- Oh yeah, that's right, sorry.

It's the other one I like best.

- Foster, you're me favorite.

- I said it first.

- Shut up, Bridget, you're
making a fool of yourself.

- Foster, what are you
doing after the concert?

- Eh, going straight back to Mullingar.

- Oh, Mullingar.

- Which road are you taking, lads?

- Well, the main road to Mullingar,

it's the only road to Mullingar.

- Let's just let these strapping
young lads play us a tune.

- I love you Foster!

("Old Flames" by Foster and Allen)

- Oh, look.

The dog's not dead.

(dog whines)

- We're not going to die!

(cheering)

- Give me me money back.

I've always said Makem and
Clancy are much better.

Foster and Allen are completely
and utterly over-rated.

- Eamon, that's the wrong dog.

That's our dog.

Still dead.

No, we're still going to die.

- Well, this is awkward.

Keep the money, play a song.

♪ Downtown tonight I saw
an old flame someone who ♪

♪ I used to take comfort
from long before I met you ♪

♪ Old flames can't hold a candle to you. ♪

- A rough crowd.

- Think I need a drink.

(breathes deeply)

- What am I doing?

Sure I didn't drink any.

(Upbeat funky music)

They're all dead.

Let's celebrate.

(glasses clinking)

Cheers.

- What's in it?

- Ah, shite.

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