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(upbeat 80's music)
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- Hello everyone. Everyone.
Musical society members.
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00:00:11,690 --> 00:00:14,230
Please, your attention for one moment.
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00:00:14,228 --> 00:00:15,838
Opening night is on the horizon,
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00:00:15,837 --> 00:00:18,387
and we have worked a day and a night
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00:00:18,386 --> 00:00:19,816
to get this show to a standard that
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Andrew Lloyd Webber
himself, would be proud of.
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Our final rehearsal is tonight, so please,
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00:00:25,245 --> 00:00:27,455
when you get a chance, go see Concepta who
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needs to take your
measurements for costume.
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(squeaky tape sounds)
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Oh here he is.
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- Get out.
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- (laughs) You're cast.
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Don't let the nerves get to you.
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I've spent all weekend choreographing a
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wonderful dance routine
for you and Bridget.
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So you've nothing to be nervous about.
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- I didn't sign up for this.
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- Oh you did. I have your
application right here.
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- I recognize that signature.
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That says Eamon. Obviously.
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- That says Ramona.
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- That's how you spell
it sometimes, isn't it?
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- Firstly, that's not my signature.
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Twoly, I'm not gonna dance.
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You can never ever,
ever, ever make me dance.
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- Why not, Eamon?
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We've all heard the story
of your fancy footwork at
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00:01:08,230 --> 00:01:10,860
the All Ireland Ceili Finale in 1976.
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- Don't mention what
happened, he'll start crying.
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- ♪ Never gonna dance again. ♪
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♪ These guilty feet
they've got no rhythm. ♪
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♪ Though it's easy to pretend. ♪
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♪ No, I'm not a fool. ♪
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- Who's he talking to?
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- No bother to you, Eamon.
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All it is, is it's just
the big dance number from
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the end of the film Dirty Dancing.
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- (gasps)
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- Are ya mad, Father? It can't be done.
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- It's Dirty Dancing.
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Oh, there's sexiness in that.
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Not actual sex, but sexiness.
Well, I can't do that.
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- Bridget will never pull that off.
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- Everybody in this town knows,
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the guards, the fire
brigade, that Bridget is
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useless at pulling things off.
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- Oh come on. It'll be great.
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Bridget, nobody puts Baby in the corner.
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- It's quite literally the
safest place to put a baby,
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in a corner, away from dangerous things.
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- Okay, come on everybody,
let's loosen up.
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Loosey goosey.
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♪ Lo, lo, lo, lo, lo, lo, lo ♪
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- I don't like this bit.
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- He's very good at it though.
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- ♪ Lo, lo, lo, lo, lo, lo, lo ♪
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- Father, where'd you learn to do that?
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- Oh, let's just say in
my last pilgrimage to
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San Francisco, I spent quite
a bit of time on my knees.
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- Praying, Father?
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- Five, six, seven, eight.
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(80's upbeat theme music)
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- Okay. Let's get warmed
up for the big finale by
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doing the group number from Act II.
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And five, six, seven eight.
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- ♪ The musical society group ♪
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♪ Some people like them,
and not some soup. ♪
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♪ If you want to get your hole, ♪
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♪ And your husband's on the dole ♪
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- I have a job!
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- ♪ Give it a blast! ♪
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♪ Do it fast! ♪
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♪ It's better than Mass! ♪
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- Depends on who's saying it. (giggles)
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Eamon.
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- ♪ Get out of my house. ♪
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- Okay, and introductions!
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- (whispers) Okay, okay, okay.
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♪ Hi I'm Bridget, I'm
definitely not frigid, ♪
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♪ I've 68 kids to motherf- ♪
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- No, no, no! No, no, no!
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No swearing. What did I say?
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Not an F, or a blind, or
even a punk-ass bitch.
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- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
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- ♪ She's sorry, she's sorry,
she's sorry, sorry, sorry. ♪
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- ♪ You can see that she's hurting, ♪
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♪ Just look at the
state of her curtains. ♪
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- ♪ She needs a new
kitchen, but her (mumbles) ♪
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♪ Ain't spending permission. ♪
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- ♪ She's definitely no genius, ♪
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♪ She said Eamon's got a small - ♪
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- I'm trying to watch the news!
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- ♪ The news, the news, he's
trying to watch the news. ♪
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♪ Everybody quiet
because the news is on! ♪
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♪ Quiet because the news is on! ♪
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- ♪ Why are you singing
things you could easily say? ♪
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- Very good. (claps)
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- I'm trying to watch the news!
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- Two Northern Irish
convicts being transported
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between high security
prisons have escaped.
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(door breaking)
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Guards have said these vicious
criminals, Jimmy and Martin,
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are armed and dangerous.
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- Oh, hello there. You
must be the new members.
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00:04:03,262 --> 00:04:05,592
Always room for a couple
of strapping young lads.
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00:04:05,594 --> 00:04:07,464
And what are your names?
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- My name's James and
this is my friend Marty.
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- Well, you're very
welcome, James and Marty.
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00:04:12,818 --> 00:04:15,208
Love the costumes! Very mysterious
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in a "We're going to murder
everyone" kind of a way.
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(giggles) You're very welcome on board.
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- I am trying to watch the news.
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- And that was the news. Good evening.
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- I'm after missing it now.
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- Oh, you'll catch it
on News for the Deaf.
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- And now, the News for the Deaf.
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People lose jobs.
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A foreign person likes Ireland.
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Two dangerous criminals have escaped.
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Called Jimmy and Martin.
Do whatever they say.
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Here is their picture.
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(gun shot)
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(gasps)
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- You're after killing the telly.
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- Uh, that was an accident.
Here, you know when you have
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00:05:03,627 --> 00:05:06,917
"an accident" and you do a
wee-wee in your pants, (laughs)
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00:05:06,923 --> 00:05:10,403
ha, how come when you have
a car accident you don't
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00:05:10,399 --> 00:05:14,049
do a wee-wee in the car. I
mean what's all that about?
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(laughs)
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- I've noticed that. That's a classic.
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- Yeah, they're the two escaped convicts.
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- Eamon, you can't say things
like that based on a hunch.
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It's like the time he told
my aunty was Colonel Gaddafi
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because they both wear hats.
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- Okay, show of hands. Not yet.
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Show of hands who thinks
Bridget should go over and ask
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the two escaped convicts
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"are they the two escaped convicts".
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- James. Marty. Love the
glasses, very Hollywood.
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And my husband Eamon over
there, he wants to know
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are you the two escaped
convicts Jimmy and Ma...
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- Aye, that's us. All about you?
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- (laughs nervously) It's them!
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00:06:05,145 --> 00:06:09,305
- And we'd like to watch
some TV while we're here.
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- The thing is, we don't
have a telly anymore.
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- I don't care about that.
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(police siren wailing,
car tyres screeching)
150
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- [Police] We have the house surrounded.
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Bridget, Eamon, we know Jimmy
and Martin are in there.
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You have to do whatever they say.
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Repeat, do whatever they say.
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It's the Guard by the way. I
should've said that bit first.
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- So? Are we going to
watch some telly or what?
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- Yes!
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We have a telly.
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I'll just go and plug it in.
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(gasps)
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You heard what the Guard
said, we have to do
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whatever they say, otherwise,
we are going to die.
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So, this is my plan and
we're going to get all our
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Musical and Dramatic Society experience
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and we're going to act
out all the TV shows.
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- What do you want to watch, Martin?
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00:07:00,373 --> 00:07:02,573
- Hmm, Knight Rider.
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00:07:02,565 --> 00:07:04,895
- Great choice. Let's do it.
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- Okay, okay. I know what
to do. One, two, three.
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- ♪ Lo, lo, lo, lo, lo, lo, lo, lo, lo ♪
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(accordion music)
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- Well that's good.
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00:07:22,330 --> 00:07:23,580
Aye, very real.
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- Nite Rider. A shadowy dive
into the dangerous world
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of a man who does not exist.
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KITT, a talking car who's
very camp, condescending,
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and almost talks down to Michael Nite,
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00:07:50,774 --> 00:07:52,934
who fights underworld crime and...
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00:07:52,930 --> 00:07:54,420
- He likes to ride (mumbles)
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00:07:54,415 --> 00:07:55,845
- No he doesn't ride (mumbles), if anyone
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00:07:55,854 --> 00:07:58,484
he's riding the sexy brunette
with the white jumpsuit.
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- Doctor Bonnie Barstow.
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00:08:00,842 --> 00:08:02,562
- I'm not riding you.
183
00:08:02,561 --> 00:08:05,481
- You don't have to. She can do me.
184
00:08:05,484 --> 00:08:07,184
- I'm Michael Nite.
185
00:08:07,175 --> 00:08:10,385
- No, you don't have the
hair. You can be KITT.
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00:08:10,393 --> 00:08:12,713
Everyone knows the star
of the show is the car.
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00:08:12,706 --> 00:08:14,136
(mumbles)
188
00:08:14,140 --> 00:08:15,990
- Here, who am I?
189
00:08:15,986 --> 00:08:18,246
- You're Devon Miles,
a wealthy industrialist
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00:08:18,251 --> 00:08:21,441
who's helped Wilton Nite
with his dream project.
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00:08:21,435 --> 00:08:24,025
- Too much exposition! Get on with it!
192
00:08:24,029 --> 00:08:27,059
- You're an out lad who invented KITT.
193
00:08:27,064 --> 00:08:29,634
(pulsing synth music)
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00:08:29,626 --> 00:08:31,236
- What speed we doing, KITT?
195
00:08:31,237 --> 00:08:33,957
- Probably too slow knowing
you, Bridg... Michael.
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00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:36,140
Wasting the bulbs using the indicators.
197
00:08:36,135 --> 00:08:38,245
- That's not the question I asked you!
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00:08:38,245 --> 00:08:41,675
And I changed the gear, only
the levers so teeny tiny...
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00:08:41,678 --> 00:08:43,838
- Well, just goes to show
how much you know, huh?
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00:08:43,844 --> 00:08:46,854
Because I'm an automatic, Michael.
201
00:08:46,852 --> 00:08:48,682
- Bring, bring.
202
00:08:48,676 --> 00:08:49,756
Bring, bring.
203
00:08:51,762 --> 00:08:55,672
- Hello, 325, 325, Michael
Nite, talking in a moving car.
204
00:08:55,671 --> 00:08:57,461
- Oh yes, indeed. Hello.
205
00:08:57,458 --> 00:09:00,428
This is Devon Miles, the
wealthy industrialist,
206
00:09:00,430 --> 00:09:03,840
don't you know? Could you
please put KITT on to me?
207
00:09:03,836 --> 00:09:06,026
- Oh, okay, okay.
208
00:09:06,028 --> 00:09:06,858
For you.
209
00:09:08,128 --> 00:09:11,298
- What do you want Fr... Devon
Miles, wealthy industrialist?
210
00:09:11,301 --> 00:09:14,341
- Yes, uh, did you realize
that she was referring to
211
00:09:14,338 --> 00:09:15,638
the size of your penis?
212
00:09:15,644 --> 00:09:18,574
(giggles)
213
00:09:18,567 --> 00:09:20,817
- Yeah, I did, Devon Miles!
214
00:09:22,637 --> 00:09:24,207
- What's the plot here?
215
00:09:24,213 --> 00:09:25,583
- There's no proper set-up.
216
00:09:25,581 --> 00:09:27,921
- I mean, is it Air Wolf, is it A-Team.
217
00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:29,300
I mean, what's going on?
218
00:09:29,304 --> 00:09:31,274
(shouts) What's going on?
219
00:09:31,265 --> 00:09:34,075
- It's to do with big money and feminism.
220
00:09:34,075 --> 00:09:35,845
- Okay, I'll buy that.
221
00:09:35,847 --> 00:09:36,847
- Let's go, KITT.
222
00:09:36,850 --> 00:09:41,200
And speaking of feminism
while you're down there...
223
00:09:41,204 --> 00:09:45,024
- I'd prefer to lick out a
skip full of broken glass,
224
00:09:45,024 --> 00:09:45,864
Michael.
225
00:09:47,164 --> 00:09:49,764
- Hey! Do you really think
that stupid talking car
226
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:53,926
is going to save you
now, Dr Bonnie Barstow?
227
00:09:53,933 --> 00:09:57,843
- Do your really expect
us to believe that?
228
00:09:57,835 --> 00:10:01,675
Although, self-driving cars,
they are a possibility.
229
00:10:01,678 --> 00:10:03,938
I mean, even now, it's not
that difficult to comprehend.
230
00:10:03,936 --> 00:10:06,346
Scientists believe the
roads will be full of them
231
00:10:06,348 --> 00:10:07,418
by the mid-nineties.
232
00:10:07,423 --> 00:10:10,813
- Shut up, Concepta! You better
tell us where the uh, uh...
233
00:10:10,812 --> 00:10:11,662
What are we looking for again?
234
00:10:11,659 --> 00:10:14,149
- Usually passcodes, or nuclear stuff.
235
00:10:14,147 --> 00:10:15,937
- Ooh! Let's go with drones!
236
00:10:15,938 --> 00:10:17,438
- Oh my God, character Concepta,
237
00:10:17,436 --> 00:10:18,846
why would I be hiding drones?
238
00:10:18,848 --> 00:10:22,468
- We'll ask the questions around here.
239
00:10:22,467 --> 00:10:25,637
- Ha! I've fooled your big lesbian plan
240
00:10:25,639 --> 00:10:27,819
for world domination.
241
00:10:27,816 --> 00:10:29,266
KITT!
242
00:10:29,267 --> 00:10:30,427
Blow them! Up!
243
00:10:32,947 --> 00:10:36,527
- Then we'd all die, Brid... Michael.
244
00:10:36,525 --> 00:10:38,655
- What should I do?
245
00:10:38,658 --> 00:10:39,818
- Shoot them.
246
00:10:39,819 --> 00:10:43,319
- Oh, of course. Peow, peow, peow.
247
00:10:43,316 --> 00:10:45,566
- (groans)
248
00:10:48,195 --> 00:10:51,775
- Oh Michael, you saved me.
I suppose we should embrace.
249
00:10:51,781 --> 00:10:53,681
- No, I don't think we
should. But we can pretend
250
00:10:53,675 --> 00:10:55,515
to have a big ride in the back of the car.
251
00:10:55,523 --> 00:10:57,223
- I'm a two-seater, Bridget,
252
00:10:57,219 --> 00:10:59,899
there is no back seat to this car.
253
00:10:59,901 --> 00:11:02,731
(accordion music)
254
00:11:04,927 --> 00:11:07,177
- I...am going...to kill...
255
00:11:08,955 --> 00:11:12,455
(mysterious techno music)
256
00:11:14,374 --> 00:11:17,544
(upbeat techno music)
257
00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:20,209
- Where was I?
258
00:11:20,212 --> 00:11:22,662
- You said you were going to kill...
259
00:11:22,658 --> 00:11:24,578
- I am going to kill...
260
00:11:26,808 --> 00:11:28,758
a nice cup of tea.
261
00:11:28,756 --> 00:11:32,116
- Aye, me too, and two penguin biscuits.
262
00:11:32,122 --> 00:11:33,942
What's next?
263
00:11:33,942 --> 00:11:36,302
- Uh, Jimmy, the telly's still broken.
264
00:11:36,304 --> 00:11:37,144
- And?
265
00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:40,100
- We can't possibly
recreate all the amazing
266
00:11:40,104 --> 00:11:42,134
and diverse programmes
that RTÉ put out there,
267
00:11:42,128 --> 00:11:44,588
am I right, everybody?
268
00:11:44,591 --> 00:11:45,421
- Yes...
269
00:11:47,321 --> 00:11:50,371
- Oh my god, we're fucked!
Look what RTÉ are putting out
270
00:11:50,374 --> 00:11:51,544
at ten thirty.
271
00:11:53,205 --> 00:11:54,535
- Dirty Dancing!
272
00:11:55,602 --> 00:11:57,662
Why RTÉ? Goddamn you, why?
273
00:11:57,663 --> 00:12:01,413
- No, not now. We've
had no time to rehearse.
274
00:12:01,411 --> 00:12:05,151
- It's singing and
dancing at the same time!
275
00:12:05,154 --> 00:12:06,764
It's impossible!
276
00:12:06,761 --> 00:12:09,011
- There's no way I am going to
dance. We'll have to deflect.
277
00:12:09,014 --> 00:12:12,434
Lads, instead of that, how about a sitcom
278
00:12:13,913 --> 00:12:16,483
with an alien life form who lives
279
00:12:16,478 --> 00:12:19,738
with an average American family.
280
00:12:19,741 --> 00:12:20,911
- Hmm. Aliens.
281
00:12:23,939 --> 00:12:25,409
- Average.
282
00:12:25,414 --> 00:12:27,064
- Hmm.
283
00:12:27,058 --> 00:12:28,868
That's good.
284
00:12:28,869 --> 00:12:30,469
Very believable.
285
00:12:30,469 --> 00:12:31,499
(upbeat music)
286
00:12:31,502 --> 00:12:33,962
- What a terrible day I had today,
287
00:12:33,955 --> 00:12:35,285
in my USA job,
288
00:12:35,286 --> 00:12:36,466
in America.
289
00:12:36,467 --> 00:12:37,817
- Pizza!
290
00:12:37,824 --> 00:12:40,104
(audience laughs)
291
00:12:40,102 --> 00:12:43,602
- Hey Alf, what crazy stuff
did you get up to today?
292
00:12:43,602 --> 00:12:45,812
- Oh, you know, just the
usual. Tried to put the cat
293
00:12:45,807 --> 00:12:49,217
into the toaster, do a
little bit of rollerblading.
294
00:12:49,224 --> 00:12:51,724
Oh yeah, and now I'm gonna
teach you a life lesson
295
00:12:51,718 --> 00:12:55,168
where we all laugh and hug
and end in a freeze frame.
296
00:12:55,168 --> 00:12:57,588
- Haha, great stuff! Alf.
297
00:12:57,592 --> 00:13:02,062
- Oh, and Eamon, remember we
can all have a bad day at work.
298
00:13:02,062 --> 00:13:04,832
But there's always pizza!
299
00:13:04,834 --> 00:13:06,264
(audience laughs)
300
00:13:06,256 --> 00:13:07,536
and the dole.
301
00:13:07,543 --> 00:13:08,383
- Oh Alf.
302
00:13:10,688 --> 00:13:12,638
- He didn't put the cat in the toaster?
303
00:13:12,636 --> 00:13:14,526
- Yeah, it's all
make-believe you simpleton.
304
00:13:14,525 --> 00:13:15,355
Tell her, Frank.
305
00:13:15,358 --> 00:13:18,608
- Oh no, no, it's called Method Acting.
306
00:13:19,502 --> 00:13:23,592
You know, I uh, I needed
to become Alf, you know.
307
00:13:24,692 --> 00:13:26,842
- You put the cat in the toaster?
308
00:13:26,835 --> 00:13:29,825
- No, no, no, no, no. I
didn't put it in the toaster.
309
00:13:29,825 --> 00:13:31,895
You don't have a toaster.
I put it under the grill.
310
00:13:31,898 --> 00:13:33,588
- If it wasn't for our gas being cut off
311
00:13:33,588 --> 00:13:35,768
that cat could have died.
312
00:13:35,766 --> 00:13:40,766
- (sighs) Oh my god, it is Method Acting!
313
00:13:41,401 --> 00:13:44,121
Method Acting! Like Brando!
314
00:13:44,119 --> 00:13:47,769
(screams) I need to become Alf!
315
00:13:47,770 --> 00:13:51,380
- Okay, time out. Leave the
costume and take a walk, Frank.
316
00:13:51,384 --> 00:13:53,724
- (mumbles)
317
00:13:54,631 --> 00:13:57,041
- I can't work with him,
he's clearly mental.
318
00:13:57,039 --> 00:14:00,889
- Oh come on Bridget, it's not
the first time your pussy's
319
00:14:00,889 --> 00:14:02,229
been on fire!
320
00:14:02,226 --> 00:14:03,736
(audience laughs)
321
00:14:03,735 --> 00:14:04,565
- Oh, Alf!
322
00:14:06,054 --> 00:14:08,814
(pleasant synth music)
323
00:14:08,813 --> 00:14:10,843
- It's working.
324
00:14:10,844 --> 00:14:14,014
- No, he's looking at the RTÉ guide.
325
00:14:14,010 --> 00:14:16,210
- Here, look at this.
326
00:14:16,214 --> 00:14:18,304
Did you ever notice there's nothing on TV?
327
00:14:18,304 --> 00:14:19,444
- (wheezes)
328
00:14:19,439 --> 00:14:21,449
- Nothing at all. Never anything on.
329
00:14:21,450 --> 00:14:23,800
And then all of a sudden, get this, right,
330
00:14:23,799 --> 00:14:26,209
there's two great shows on
331
00:14:26,210 --> 00:14:28,670
at exactly the same time.
332
00:14:28,666 --> 00:14:30,716
I mean, you couldn't make it up!
333
00:14:30,719 --> 00:14:32,479
- That happens to me
all the time. (wheezes)
334
00:14:32,481 --> 00:14:35,231
- I mean, if you've got the
Golden Girls and MacGyver on
335
00:14:35,225 --> 00:14:37,985
at exactly the same time
what are we going to watch?
336
00:14:37,989 --> 00:14:39,039
- That's a conundrum.
337
00:14:39,035 --> 00:14:42,055
- I know, we'll flick between them both.
338
00:14:42,058 --> 00:14:43,118
(upbeat piano music)
339
00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:44,900
- Hello Golden Girls. It's me, Dorothy,
340
00:14:44,903 --> 00:14:46,843
the most granted one of
the lot of you, obviously,
341
00:14:46,837 --> 00:14:47,667
and best looking.
342
00:14:47,670 --> 00:14:51,830
Oh Rose, what stupid thing
you going to say today?
343
00:14:51,832 --> 00:14:53,542
- Why do I have to be Rose?
344
00:14:53,537 --> 00:14:57,287
Is it because you all think I'm stupid?
345
00:14:57,286 --> 00:15:01,416
- If you say something
stupid we won't get shot.
346
00:15:01,420 --> 00:15:05,700
- Iceland is called Iceland
because there's lots of Ice.
347
00:15:05,698 --> 00:15:09,248
Is Ireland called Ireland
because there's lots of land?
348
00:15:09,248 --> 00:15:10,628
(audience laughs)
349
00:15:10,633 --> 00:15:13,293
- Eh, you, old old Mammy,
sitting over there.
350
00:15:13,291 --> 00:15:15,041
What Italian stereotypical thing
351
00:15:15,039 --> 00:15:17,369
you gonna drop on us today, Sofia?
352
00:15:17,370 --> 00:15:19,680
- No, no, I'm not playing
the old mother, not a chance.
353
00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:22,380
The only thing I'm going to
drop on you is a heavy weight.
354
00:15:22,376 --> 00:15:24,766
Heavy weight like you, Widget... Dorothy,
355
00:15:24,773 --> 00:15:26,693
after too many plates of spaghetti!
356
00:15:26,691 --> 00:15:28,371
(audience laughs)
357
00:15:28,368 --> 00:15:31,088
- That's very good,
very good, psycho bitch.
358
00:15:31,089 --> 00:15:32,319
- Sorry, um, Bridget,
359
00:15:32,324 --> 00:15:33,994
does that mean so that
I'm Blanche, does it?
360
00:15:33,989 --> 00:15:35,479
(audience laughs)
361
00:15:35,477 --> 00:15:37,137
- You? You?
362
00:15:37,135 --> 00:15:38,215
You, Blanche?
363
00:15:41,247 --> 00:15:42,077
Jesus, no.
364
00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:43,870
I can't see you as Blanche.
365
00:15:43,874 --> 00:15:47,144
- Why, hi ladies. I'm a big old slut.
366
00:15:47,136 --> 00:15:48,406
(audience laughs)
367
00:15:48,405 --> 00:15:50,965
- Let's see what's
happening over on MacGyver.
368
00:15:50,969 --> 00:15:51,909
- What?
369
00:15:51,914 --> 00:15:52,754
- Yes.
370
00:15:54,026 --> 00:15:57,106
(upbeat synth music)
371
00:16:07,295 --> 00:16:08,335
(bomb timer ticking)
372
00:16:08,336 --> 00:16:10,756
- This bomb is hooked up
to the aircraft carrier.
373
00:16:10,759 --> 00:16:13,499
It's gonna blow, in five,
374
00:16:13,495 --> 00:16:14,325
four,
375
00:16:15,346 --> 00:16:16,606
three,
376
00:16:16,606 --> 00:16:18,036
two,
377
00:16:18,035 --> 00:16:19,515
- Back to Golden Girls
378
00:16:19,515 --> 00:16:20,855
- Come on!
379
00:16:20,864 --> 00:16:23,954
(upbeat piano music)
380
00:16:35,008 --> 00:16:39,418
- Why, I was out last night
and I rode half the town.
381
00:16:39,415 --> 00:16:40,525
(audience laughs)
382
00:16:40,526 --> 00:16:41,686
- Oh, Blanche!
383
00:16:42,979 --> 00:16:44,069
- Say the line.
384
00:16:44,070 --> 00:16:44,910
- No.
385
00:16:44,911 --> 00:16:46,601
- Say it, or it won't be believable.
386
00:16:46,603 --> 00:16:47,443
- No.
387
00:16:47,436 --> 00:16:48,266
- Say it!
388
00:16:49,268 --> 00:16:51,268
- Why, I love you girls.
389
00:16:53,140 --> 00:16:54,780
- (sighing)
390
00:16:54,780 --> 00:16:57,950
- (laughing) Classic!
391
00:16:59,435 --> 00:17:00,545
- Let's see what's
happening with that bomb
392
00:17:00,553 --> 00:17:01,993
over on MacGyver.
393
00:17:01,990 --> 00:17:04,470
- Oh, come on, Jimmy!
394
00:17:04,472 --> 00:17:07,562
(upbeat synth music)
395
00:17:16,355 --> 00:17:17,795
(bomb timer ticking)
396
00:17:17,801 --> 00:17:19,061
- The chewing gum didn't work.
397
00:17:19,058 --> 00:17:19,888
(radio chatter)
398
00:17:19,891 --> 00:17:23,811
- The whole bomb's gonna
blow! Quick, everybody out!
399
00:17:23,809 --> 00:17:26,559
(explosive boom)
400
00:17:28,664 --> 00:17:32,084
- Tsk, tsk, tsk, it's inconsistent.
401
00:17:32,084 --> 00:17:32,954
- Per.
402
00:17:32,952 --> 00:17:34,102
- Hmm.
403
00:17:34,102 --> 00:17:35,712
- It was great last week.
404
00:17:35,713 --> 00:17:36,553
- Hmm.
405
00:17:37,638 --> 00:17:39,968
- (gasping)
406
00:17:42,300 --> 00:17:43,280
- We did it!
407
00:17:43,275 --> 00:17:44,885
- Yeah, with no thanks to
you. You're transition from
408
00:17:44,893 --> 00:17:47,373
Dorothy to the Naval Base
Commander, Bridget, very weak.
409
00:17:47,368 --> 00:17:48,198
Very weak.
410
00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:49,561
- Yeah, but what if they're
joking with you now.
411
00:17:49,555 --> 00:17:50,865
I can't take much more of this.
412
00:17:50,870 --> 00:17:52,240
- Diff'rent Strokes!
413
00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:54,168
- What you talking about, Bridget?
414
00:17:54,167 --> 00:17:57,147
- Frank's right, there's no
more TV shows left to do,
415
00:17:57,149 --> 00:17:58,729
so we'll all just be killed.
416
00:17:58,725 --> 00:18:00,885
- Yeah, hopefully Bridget first.
417
00:18:00,889 --> 00:18:02,889
- No! I know what to do.
418
00:18:02,886 --> 00:18:04,036
- Yes!
419
00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:08,011
- We are the amateur local
Dramatic and Musical Society.
420
00:18:08,011 --> 00:18:10,661
The show must go on,
even though it's shite!
421
00:18:10,658 --> 00:18:13,208
Until they fall asleep or leave,
422
00:18:13,213 --> 00:18:15,613
so that's exactly what we're going to do!
423
00:18:15,613 --> 00:18:17,613
Let's get back in there!
424
00:18:20,042 --> 00:18:23,562
- Um, just an observation,
we did just escape
425
00:18:23,555 --> 00:18:25,595
from Jimmy and Martin. We
could've all left there
426
00:18:25,602 --> 00:18:28,032
and our lives would've been spared.
427
00:18:28,034 --> 00:18:29,584
Anyone?
428
00:18:29,578 --> 00:18:30,408
No?
429
00:18:31,403 --> 00:18:32,243
Oh, okay.
430
00:18:34,206 --> 00:18:37,116
- Now the time approaching,
oh I don't know anymore,
431
00:18:37,115 --> 00:18:40,655
here's the latest on
teletext service Aertel.
432
00:18:40,659 --> 00:18:44,329
(pleasant electronic music)
433
00:18:47,932 --> 00:18:48,772
- Now, all we have to do
434
00:18:48,765 --> 00:18:50,435
is wait six to eight hours
for them to fall asleep
435
00:18:50,437 --> 00:18:52,117
and then we'll run out into the hall.
436
00:18:52,120 --> 00:18:52,950
- But we already...
437
00:18:52,953 --> 00:18:54,403
- Shut up, Concepta.
438
00:18:54,395 --> 00:18:56,875
- As long as no idiot
mentions Dirty Dancing.
439
00:18:56,875 --> 00:18:57,705
- Oh no, shhh.
440
00:18:57,708 --> 00:18:59,718
- That reminds me, Eamon,
Dirty Dancing's on tonight.
441
00:18:59,722 --> 00:19:01,362
I wouldn't mind a wee look at that.
442
00:19:01,363 --> 00:19:03,423
- No. I've guilty feet,
they have no rhythm.
443
00:19:03,423 --> 00:19:05,433
Surely you should know a
thing or two about guilt.
444
00:19:05,426 --> 00:19:07,276
- No, no, no, no, I'm an innocent man.
445
00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:11,430
Now, Dirty Dancing, and skip to the end.
446
00:19:11,430 --> 00:19:13,430
Do the wee dance, Eamon.
447
00:19:14,437 --> 00:19:17,517
(jaunty piano music)
448
00:19:25,924 --> 00:19:28,094
- Everybody calm down,
it's going to be okay.
449
00:19:28,085 --> 00:19:29,955
Lucky for us the local town full of people
450
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:32,790
for our variety show is
almost identical to the hall
451
00:19:32,790 --> 00:19:35,610
in the film Dirty Dancing,
and is the perfect backdrop
452
00:19:35,614 --> 00:19:40,454
to attempt the iconic song
I've Had The Tie Of My Life.
453
00:19:40,453 --> 00:19:42,983
- It's Time...Of My Life.
454
00:19:42,982 --> 00:19:45,012
- Oh, Time Of My Life.
455
00:19:45,012 --> 00:19:46,342
Okay, err.
456
00:19:46,340 --> 00:19:47,490
Forget the ties.
457
00:19:47,485 --> 00:19:49,465
Don't worry, we can make
it work, it'll be fine.
458
00:19:49,469 --> 00:19:51,049
All you have to do is
sing the song perfectly
459
00:19:51,045 --> 00:19:52,135
with all the dance moves
460
00:19:52,136 --> 00:19:53,576
and do the high lift without falling
461
00:19:53,583 --> 00:19:56,563
and the paramilitaries will
be out of our lives forever.
462
00:19:56,564 --> 00:19:58,474
What could possibly go wrong?
463
00:19:58,468 --> 00:20:00,188
- It's not going to work.
There's a madman out there
464
00:20:00,187 --> 00:20:02,487
with a shotgun. People will notice.
465
00:20:02,490 --> 00:20:05,570
(jaunty piano music)
466
00:20:08,136 --> 00:20:09,806
- No one will notice.
467
00:20:09,807 --> 00:20:11,317
- Well, it's all down
to Bridget and Eamon.
468
00:20:11,323 --> 00:20:12,503
If he doesn't like it he'll blow.
469
00:20:12,498 --> 00:20:14,068
He's mad, he'll shoot them!
470
00:20:14,066 --> 00:20:16,076
If they're shite, we'll lose them forever.
471
00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:17,330
So, off you go!
472
00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:21,701
- This is all your fault.
473
00:20:21,701 --> 00:20:23,121
- It is not!
474
00:20:23,119 --> 00:20:25,809
- You have ruined my life.
475
00:20:25,807 --> 00:20:27,967
- You have ruined my life!
476
00:20:30,126 --> 00:20:31,996
(cymbals)
477
00:20:32,001 --> 00:20:36,751
♪ Now you have ruined my life, ♪
478
00:20:36,752 --> 00:20:40,752
♪ You're such a pain in the hole, ♪
479
00:20:40,751 --> 00:20:45,281
♪ And I swear, it's all shite, ♪
480
00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:47,390
♪ I blame it all on you. ♪
481
00:20:47,391 --> 00:20:52,391
♪ No you have ruined my life, ♪
482
00:20:54,052 --> 00:20:56,762
♪ Yes I blame it all on you. ♪
483
00:20:56,760 --> 00:20:59,590
(upbeat bassline)
484
00:21:00,951 --> 00:21:03,031
(groans)
485
00:21:04,621 --> 00:21:06,971
♪ I've been waiting for so long, ♪
486
00:21:06,973 --> 00:21:08,913
♪ For you to go off with someone, ♪
487
00:21:08,913 --> 00:21:10,723
♪ And leave me be. ♪
488
00:21:10,724 --> 00:21:13,104
(groans)
489
00:21:13,103 --> 00:21:15,363
♪ I know where it went all wrong, ♪
490
00:21:15,360 --> 00:21:20,360
♪ When we had the accidental pregnancy, ♪
491
00:21:21,683 --> 00:21:23,813
♪ Now with hatred in our eyes, ♪
492
00:21:23,810 --> 00:21:28,810
♪ There's no way we could
pretend that we're happy. ♪
493
00:21:30,414 --> 00:21:32,384
♪ So we wreck each other's lives, ♪
494
00:21:32,377 --> 00:21:35,627
♪ Because we seem to
understand the misery. ♪
495
00:21:35,626 --> 00:21:36,626
- Get up Bridget
496
00:21:36,633 --> 00:21:39,713
- Look, his kick ball
change is far too loose.
497
00:21:39,706 --> 00:21:42,066
- He's not pointing his toes!
498
00:21:42,070 --> 00:21:44,030
And as for his calves.
499
00:21:44,028 --> 00:21:48,698
♪ ...I can't get rid of. ♪
500
00:21:48,695 --> 00:21:53,235
♪ So I'll tell you something. ♪
501
00:21:53,243 --> 00:21:56,003
♪ This isn't love, because... ♪
502
00:21:55,999 --> 00:21:57,129
- Is that all you've got, Eamon?
503
00:21:57,125 --> 00:21:59,535
- That's an erection, Bridget.
504
00:21:59,542 --> 00:22:01,182
- But that is my car keys.
505
00:22:01,175 --> 00:22:02,835
- (mumbles)
506
00:22:02,836 --> 00:22:06,546
♪ ...never felt this way before, ♪
507
00:22:06,553 --> 00:22:11,553
♪ Except when I have piles, ♪
508
00:22:11,680 --> 00:22:13,060
♪ It's bad. ♪
509
00:22:13,064 --> 00:22:17,584
♪ And I blame it all on you. ♪
510
00:22:17,575 --> 00:22:21,695
♪ Heya, Bridget, ♪
511
00:22:21,703 --> 00:22:23,943
♪ With my body and soul, ♪
512
00:22:23,939 --> 00:22:28,939
♪ I'm delighted you fell on your hole. ♪
513
00:22:29,166 --> 00:22:30,456
- Fucking shite.
514
00:22:30,462 --> 00:22:35,462
♪ If only years ago your parents
had used birth control. ♪
515
00:22:38,936 --> 00:22:41,046
♪ Yes I know what's on your mind, ♪
516
00:22:41,053 --> 00:22:46,053
♪ When you say "don't touch me tonight". ♪
517
00:22:46,970 --> 00:22:49,060
♪ But just remember, ♪
518
00:22:49,058 --> 00:22:52,548
♪ You're the one thing ♪
519
00:22:52,549 --> 00:22:57,139
♪ I've got too much of. ♪
520
00:22:57,137 --> 00:23:01,797
♪ So I'll tell you something, ♪
521
00:23:01,795 --> 00:23:05,455
♪ This isn't love, because, ♪
522
00:23:07,401 --> 00:23:10,231
(audience cheers)
523
00:23:19,284 --> 00:23:22,504
- We did it! It's over, roll the credits.
524
00:23:22,499 --> 00:23:23,899
- It's not over!
525
00:23:23,898 --> 00:23:27,368
This is for making me dance, Jimmy.
526
00:23:27,370 --> 00:23:29,620
(gun shot)
527
00:23:32,986 --> 00:23:34,446
- Eamon?
528
00:23:34,449 --> 00:23:36,589
- He made me dance!
529
00:23:36,591 --> 00:23:38,141
- You've had a pint, but I mean,
530
00:23:38,140 --> 00:23:40,290
you're after shooting someone, Eamon.
531
00:23:40,286 --> 00:23:42,816
- There's no way that isn't a crime.
532
00:23:42,824 --> 00:23:45,694
If there's any other way
at all that we kind find
533
00:23:45,693 --> 00:23:49,993
a way to end this without
you going to prison, we will.
534
00:23:49,992 --> 00:23:52,412
But I mean, he, he's, he's...
535
00:23:55,839 --> 00:23:58,269
- Bridget, I'm sure it's not
the first time your pussy's
536
00:23:58,271 --> 00:23:59,771
been on fire, huh?
537
00:24:00,609 --> 00:24:03,359
(laughs)
538
00:24:03,361 --> 00:24:04,911
- Oh, Alf!
539
00:24:04,910 --> 00:24:07,050
(upbeat funky music)
540
00:24:07,049 --> 00:24:09,789
(groans)
541
00:24:09,793 --> 00:24:12,173
(blood splattering)
542
00:24:12,169 --> 00:24:14,249
(groans)
543
00:24:14,299 --> 00:24:18,849
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