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1
00:00:00,443 --> 00:00:02,783
(TV signal)
2
00:00:05,408 --> 00:00:08,328
(enchanting music)
3
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(fire igniting)
4
00:00:25,757 --> 00:00:28,847
- Jesus Christ, Bridget, I
told you to stop doing that.
5
00:00:28,847 --> 00:00:29,927
- Oh shut up.
6
00:00:30,812 --> 00:00:32,052
I didn't mean to do it
7
00:00:32,045 --> 00:00:32,885
this time.
8
00:00:32,886 --> 00:00:33,716
I'll get some food on.
9
00:00:33,719 --> 00:00:34,549
What would you like?
10
00:00:34,552 --> 00:00:36,272
There's a bit of turkey,
there's turkey curry,
11
00:00:36,272 --> 00:00:37,112
turkey sandwich, turkey soup.
12
00:00:37,105 --> 00:00:38,305
There's boiled turkey, baked turkey,
13
00:00:38,312 --> 00:00:40,982
grilled turkey, cold turkey,
hot turkey, turkey in a roll,
14
00:00:40,984 --> 00:00:42,754
turkey toasty, then turkey and chips.
15
00:00:42,746 --> 00:00:44,096
- Say that again?
16
00:00:44,104 --> 00:00:45,594
(sighs)
17
00:00:45,587 --> 00:00:46,937
- Turkey curry, turkey
sandwich, turkey soup.
18
00:00:46,937 --> 00:00:49,487
I'll get you a bit of everything.
19
00:00:49,487 --> 00:00:51,537
Oh Eamon, I've had the best Christmas.
20
00:00:51,541 --> 00:00:52,521
(gasp)
21
00:00:52,515 --> 00:00:55,805
The look on the kids faces
when they saw their presents.
22
00:00:55,812 --> 00:00:56,652
- Yay!
23
00:00:56,645 --> 00:00:57,475
- Oh.
24
00:00:57,478 --> 00:00:58,308
- Yay!
25
00:01:00,807 --> 00:01:01,637
(gasps)
26
00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:04,200
Tonight, Crocodile Dungee is on the telly.
27
00:01:04,197 --> 00:01:05,287
Can you imagine?
28
00:01:05,293 --> 00:01:07,833
A film, not even in the cinema
or the pictures or anything,
29
00:01:07,828 --> 00:01:09,308
just right here in the living room.
30
00:01:09,305 --> 00:01:12,415
- It's Crocodile Dundee, you dope.
31
00:01:12,415 --> 00:01:13,995
And Mammy's coming.
32
00:01:14,983 --> 00:01:15,823
- What?
33
00:01:15,816 --> 00:01:16,646
- Hello.
34
00:01:16,649 --> 00:01:18,709
(shrieking)
35
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(upbeat pop music)
36
00:01:38,589 --> 00:01:40,919
(shrieking)
37
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- Mammy, did you get here?
38
00:01:45,776 --> 00:01:47,416
Eamon never said.
39
00:01:47,418 --> 00:01:49,888
- Sure I've been here
all night in the dark.
40
00:01:49,891 --> 00:01:51,311
You didn't answer the door bell,
41
00:01:51,309 --> 00:01:55,279
so I just let myself in and
stood over you all night,
42
00:01:55,284 --> 00:01:58,124
just waiting and watching.
43
00:01:58,123 --> 00:02:02,913
- Oh Mammy, you're some
woman, do you know that?
44
00:02:02,914 --> 00:02:04,924
- Oh my special boy.
45
00:02:04,922 --> 00:02:06,692
Come here to me and give your Mammy
46
00:02:06,692 --> 00:02:08,532
a big squeeze-y weezy.
47
00:02:09,669 --> 00:02:11,739
Oh my little boy.
48
00:02:11,741 --> 00:02:12,571
(crying)
49
00:02:12,574 --> 00:02:13,604
My little teapot,
50
00:02:13,598 --> 00:02:16,268
oh twinkle twinkle, little star.
51
00:02:19,419 --> 00:02:21,319
You're hair's very flat, Brenda.
52
00:02:21,322 --> 00:02:23,172
Do you not go get it done anymore?
53
00:02:23,166 --> 00:02:24,316
- It's Bridget.
54
00:02:24,316 --> 00:02:25,426
And for your information
55
00:02:25,429 --> 00:02:28,439
- Oh, I'm sorry, I get very confused.
56
00:02:28,443 --> 00:02:29,283
(laughs)
57
00:02:29,276 --> 00:02:32,606
Brenda was that lovely, beautiful, tall,
58
00:02:34,107 --> 00:02:37,237
elegant girl that Eamon
used to go out with.
59
00:02:37,239 --> 00:02:39,729
- Mammy, did you bring me one.
60
00:02:39,726 --> 00:02:41,306
- I did, of course.
61
00:02:45,821 --> 00:02:49,991
- No one I have ever known,
throughout my entire life,
62
00:02:51,003 --> 00:02:53,213
could cook as well as you, Mammy.
63
00:02:53,211 --> 00:02:54,961
Other food is poison!
64
00:02:57,091 --> 00:02:59,981
- Anything for my special little boy.
65
00:02:59,979 --> 00:03:04,039
- Mammy, is there anything,
and I mean anything
66
00:03:04,042 --> 00:03:05,902
that we can do for you?
67
00:03:05,898 --> 00:03:08,268
- Well there is thing, but it really
68
00:03:08,273 --> 00:03:10,943
needs a woman's touch.
69
00:03:10,935 --> 00:03:13,095
I suppose Bridget will do.
70
00:03:19,113 --> 00:03:21,283
(gagging)
71
00:03:23,759 --> 00:03:26,089
Still smoking I see, Brenda.
72
00:03:27,167 --> 00:03:28,937
You smoke way too much.
73
00:03:28,941 --> 00:03:30,881
I've always said that.
74
00:03:30,875 --> 00:03:33,225
That, and you're an absolute slut.
75
00:03:33,226 --> 00:03:35,666
- Eamon's Mammy, how can
you say such a thing.
76
00:03:35,665 --> 00:03:37,415
And all I do for you.
77
00:03:39,393 --> 00:03:41,183
- And who are you gonna tell?
78
00:03:41,184 --> 00:03:42,024
Eamon?
79
00:03:42,017 --> 00:03:42,847
- I will.
80
00:03:42,850 --> 00:03:44,610
(screaming)
81
00:03:44,612 --> 00:03:45,452
- What the hell?
82
00:03:45,445 --> 00:03:46,425
Are you okay Mammy?
83
00:03:46,425 --> 00:03:49,365
- Oh, just a little accident, Eamon.
84
00:03:49,369 --> 00:03:52,259
I suppose I'm just a little sensitive
85
00:03:52,257 --> 00:03:56,327
to having cigarette butts
stamped out on my skin.
86
00:03:56,327 --> 00:03:58,647
- What did you do to my mother?
87
00:03:58,646 --> 00:03:59,476
- I didn't do
88
00:03:59,479 --> 00:04:00,309
- Get out!
89
00:04:00,312 --> 00:04:02,732
And give us some cuddle time.
90
00:04:04,069 --> 00:04:04,899
- Oh pet.
91
00:04:06,317 --> 00:04:08,307
There was a little boy
and he had a little horse,
92
00:04:08,311 --> 00:04:10,941
and they all fell down
in the big big hole.
93
00:04:10,941 --> 00:04:12,251
- Again, again again again.
94
00:04:12,249 --> 00:04:13,949
- No pet you're tired.
95
00:04:13,945 --> 00:04:15,055
- Again!
96
00:04:15,056 --> 00:04:16,006
I want to go again.
97
00:04:16,013 --> 00:04:16,853
I want to go again.
98
00:04:16,846 --> 00:04:19,136
- Very like your father.
99
00:04:19,141 --> 00:04:20,211
- There's your dinner.
100
00:04:20,213 --> 00:04:21,833
- When did you buy those vegetables?
101
00:04:21,829 --> 00:04:22,859
- Christmas Eve.
102
00:04:22,859 --> 00:04:24,279
- How long did you boil them fer?
103
00:04:24,275 --> 00:04:25,325
- Two days.
104
00:04:25,327 --> 00:04:29,957
- You should always boil
vegetables for at least a week.
105
00:04:29,959 --> 00:04:33,119
You're very, what's the word
I'm looking for, stupid.
106
00:04:33,119 --> 00:04:34,119
- Excuse me.
107
00:04:35,793 --> 00:04:37,853
- I see turkey and no ham.
108
00:04:37,849 --> 00:04:40,559
- I have ham, but I
didn't know you liked ham.
109
00:04:40,555 --> 00:04:43,595
- I want four slices laid
on top of each other,
110
00:04:43,601 --> 00:04:46,021
exactly two millimeters thin.
111
00:04:47,113 --> 00:04:50,243
- [Bridget] Of course you would.
112
00:04:50,237 --> 00:04:53,737
(electric knife whirring)
113
00:04:55,843 --> 00:04:57,383
- That's wrong, you'll
have to do that again.
114
00:04:57,379 --> 00:04:59,209
I wouldn't give that to the dog.
115
00:04:59,207 --> 00:05:00,817
- Your son is nice enough for it.
116
00:05:00,817 --> 00:05:01,837
- Excuse me?
117
00:05:01,840 --> 00:05:03,570
- That must've been the tough bit.
118
00:05:03,568 --> 00:05:05,398
- It looks like shite.
119
00:05:06,767 --> 00:05:10,267
(electric knife whirring)
120
00:05:11,445 --> 00:05:13,265
Where are you going with that?
121
00:05:13,267 --> 00:05:14,937
- Onto your plate.
122
00:05:14,938 --> 00:05:17,108
- Are you trying to kill me?
123
00:05:17,106 --> 00:05:19,016
That would choke me.
124
00:05:19,018 --> 00:05:22,068
I said I'd like a thick slice!
125
00:05:22,073 --> 00:05:24,773
- You said you wanted
it two millimeters thin!
126
00:05:24,769 --> 00:05:26,319
- No I did not.
127
00:05:26,321 --> 00:05:27,151
- Yes you did!
128
00:05:27,154 --> 00:05:27,994
- No I didn't.
129
00:05:27,987 --> 00:05:28,817
- Yes you did!
130
00:05:28,820 --> 00:05:30,130
- No I didn't.
131
00:05:30,133 --> 00:05:33,633
Are you calling me a big fat bastard liar?
132
00:05:34,583 --> 00:05:36,323
- I never said that
133
00:05:36,322 --> 00:05:37,792
out loud.
134
00:05:37,789 --> 00:05:40,429
- I want a thick slice now.
135
00:05:40,428 --> 00:05:41,968
(electric knife whirring)
136
00:05:41,972 --> 00:05:43,432
Thicker, thicker.
137
00:05:43,428 --> 00:05:45,268
Thinner, thicker!
138
00:05:45,269 --> 00:05:47,119
Thinner, thicker!
139
00:05:47,116 --> 00:05:47,946
Thicker!
140
00:05:49,946 --> 00:05:51,336
(shrieks)
141
00:05:51,344 --> 00:05:52,274
- Oh Jesus, no!
142
00:05:52,265 --> 00:05:54,875
(screaming)
143
00:05:54,881 --> 00:05:57,631
Oh my god, oh poor Eamon's Mammy.
144
00:05:59,128 --> 00:05:59,958
Oh no.
145
00:05:59,961 --> 00:06:02,161
(dramatic music intensifies)
146
00:06:02,161 --> 00:06:02,991
Oh, Lady of Guadalupe,
147
00:06:02,994 --> 00:06:05,704
Oh, Jesus, oh hear our prayer, oh my god,
148
00:06:05,695 --> 00:06:07,585
what's happening, oh.
149
00:06:07,591 --> 00:06:11,171
Oh, if only there was
something we could have done.
150
00:06:11,173 --> 00:06:12,013
(gasps)
151
00:06:12,006 --> 00:06:15,276
- Call a, what's the word
I'm looking for, ambulance,
152
00:06:15,281 --> 00:06:16,781
call an ambulance.
153
00:06:18,134 --> 00:06:21,794
(electric knife whirring)
154
00:06:21,791 --> 00:06:24,141
- A very little chance.
155
00:06:24,137 --> 00:06:25,127
- Bridget.
156
00:06:25,129 --> 00:06:26,029
Where's Mammy?
157
00:06:26,026 --> 00:06:27,656
The Christmas special is starting.
158
00:06:27,661 --> 00:06:28,921
- Eamon, don't come in!
159
00:06:28,924 --> 00:06:29,954
- Why?
160
00:06:29,954 --> 00:06:33,324
- We're having a big woman-y
chat, give me five minutes.
161
00:06:33,321 --> 00:06:37,021
(eerie suspenseful music)
162
00:06:37,018 --> 00:06:38,938
Come in Eamon, come in.
163
00:06:43,777 --> 00:06:45,107
- Is that blood?
164
00:06:46,213 --> 00:06:47,053
- No.
165
00:06:47,997 --> 00:06:49,477
(scoffs)
166
00:06:49,476 --> 00:06:50,526
- Is she not breathing?
167
00:06:50,526 --> 00:06:51,556
- Oh she is.
168
00:06:51,563 --> 00:06:52,403
Oh she is.
169
00:06:52,396 --> 00:06:55,536
She has that beautiful
non-breathy type of a breath,
170
00:06:55,544 --> 00:06:58,664
where you can't see it or hear it.
171
00:06:58,664 --> 00:07:00,174
- She looks dead.
172
00:07:00,174 --> 00:07:01,254
(scoffs)
173
00:07:01,245 --> 00:07:05,405
- Dead tired, Eamon, after
my lovely dinner, she said.
174
00:07:07,396 --> 00:07:08,526
- You killed her, didn't you?
175
00:07:08,525 --> 00:07:09,355
- What?
176
00:07:09,358 --> 00:07:10,768
What makes you think that Eamon?
177
00:07:10,772 --> 00:07:13,582
- Because no one would say
you make a beautiful dinner,
178
00:07:13,580 --> 00:07:15,290
and there's blood pumping from her neck
179
00:07:15,285 --> 00:07:16,905
and you're holding a murder weapon.
180
00:07:16,913 --> 00:07:19,733
- Oh I can't lie to you Eamon, it's true.
181
00:07:19,729 --> 00:07:21,239
Thieves broke into the house,
182
00:07:21,241 --> 00:07:22,951
they killed your evil bitch of a mother
183
00:07:22,950 --> 00:07:24,620
and had their perverted way with me.
184
00:07:24,621 --> 00:07:26,081
- You're lying again.
185
00:07:26,083 --> 00:07:28,333
No one wants to pervert
their way with you.
186
00:07:28,327 --> 00:07:29,547
And we've nothing to steal.
187
00:07:29,549 --> 00:07:30,759
The last time someone broke in,
188
00:07:30,757 --> 00:07:33,487
they left us a fiver and
package of ginger nut biscuits.
189
00:07:33,494 --> 00:07:35,064
- Okay, the electric carving knife,
190
00:07:35,060 --> 00:07:37,380
it slipped and it killed your mother.
191
00:07:37,379 --> 00:07:39,079
I don't know why you're making
such a big deal about it.
192
00:07:39,083 --> 00:07:40,763
(laughs)
193
00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:42,621
Can we all just get on with our lives,
194
00:07:42,623 --> 00:07:45,533
and have a bit of Christmas cake.
195
00:07:45,527 --> 00:07:47,397
- I can't even kill your
mother to even things up,
196
00:07:47,396 --> 00:07:49,276
she's already dead.
197
00:07:49,284 --> 00:07:52,044
- For the last time,
my mother is not dead!
198
00:07:52,037 --> 00:07:53,887
- Well that's just
typical of her, isn't it.
199
00:07:53,893 --> 00:07:55,423
Making me travel on the Christmas holidays
200
00:07:55,421 --> 00:07:56,821
to avenge my mother's death.
201
00:07:56,822 --> 00:07:58,792
Why can't she come here?
202
00:07:58,787 --> 00:08:00,317
- Can we not just have one Christmas
203
00:08:00,323 --> 00:08:02,523
where we all don't try
and kill one another?
204
00:08:02,523 --> 00:08:04,223
Can we, just once?
205
00:08:04,224 --> 00:08:06,534
- Oh, you are going down
for this one, Bridget.
206
00:08:06,529 --> 00:08:07,529
Come on, ma.
207
00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:15,480
I'm calling the guards.
208
00:08:15,482 --> 00:08:18,262
Although this is a very
very sad moment for me,
209
00:08:18,259 --> 00:08:19,779
I can't help but smile,
210
00:08:19,783 --> 00:08:21,313
knowing that you're going to go down
211
00:08:21,305 --> 00:08:23,025
for a good 15 to 20 years.
212
00:08:23,034 --> 00:08:24,934
- If I go down, who's
going to make you dinner?
213
00:08:24,932 --> 00:08:27,812
- Me mother will drop them
214
00:08:27,812 --> 00:08:31,242
- And who's going to mind
your six to eight kids, Eamon?
215
00:08:31,241 --> 00:08:33,111
- I'll sell them to the yanks.
216
00:08:33,106 --> 00:08:34,876
(laughs)
217
00:08:34,881 --> 00:08:36,401
- You're a ginger, Eamon.
218
00:08:36,404 --> 00:08:39,314
What yank is going to
want to buy a ginger kid.
219
00:08:39,307 --> 00:08:40,137
- I, I, I
220
00:08:41,603 --> 00:08:42,933
- We have to get rid of the body.
221
00:08:42,927 --> 00:08:44,907
We need to make it look like an accident.
222
00:08:44,905 --> 00:08:45,935
She was walking down the road.
223
00:08:45,943 --> 00:08:47,093
- With an electric carving knife.
224
00:08:47,087 --> 00:08:48,857
- Yes, good one.
225
00:08:48,855 --> 00:08:50,485
And oh my ear got itchy
226
00:08:50,492 --> 00:08:51,942
and I just was scratching my ear,
227
00:08:51,944 --> 00:08:54,624
and (buzzes) and (yells) and (chokes)
228
00:08:54,615 --> 00:08:58,095
and blood, oh, I'm dying and I probably
229
00:08:58,103 --> 00:09:01,253
deserve it because I'm an
evil bitch kind of thing.
230
00:09:01,252 --> 00:09:03,892
- You killed my mammy.
231
00:09:03,891 --> 00:09:05,521
- We have to get rid of the body together.
232
00:09:05,523 --> 00:09:07,173
Or it's prison for me,
233
00:09:07,171 --> 00:09:10,501
and you have to spend all day, everyday,
234
00:09:11,459 --> 00:09:14,219
all by yourself with your own kids.
235
00:09:14,219 --> 00:09:16,229
- Oh that's an impossible choice.
236
00:09:16,228 --> 00:09:17,838
Okay, we'll get rid of the body.
237
00:09:17,837 --> 00:09:21,867
I wouldn't mind, but Crocodile
Dundee was on tonight.
238
00:09:21,869 --> 00:09:23,699
Oh she loved the film.
239
00:09:24,636 --> 00:09:27,576
- No, oh put her, no Eamon, this way.
240
00:09:27,584 --> 00:09:28,954
(crashing)
241
00:09:28,951 --> 00:09:30,821
- Jesus Christ.
242
00:09:30,823 --> 00:09:33,223
Thank god, nobody calls at
the door on St. Stephens Day.
243
00:09:33,216 --> 00:09:34,416
- Could you imagine?
244
00:09:34,416 --> 00:09:35,726
(knocking on door)
245
00:09:35,732 --> 00:09:38,932
No wait, people always go
around on St. Stephen's Day.
246
00:09:38,934 --> 00:09:40,784
- Shite, maybe it's just
like one of those women,
247
00:09:40,778 --> 00:09:42,778
like other women, that sell
plastic shite door-to-door.
248
00:09:42,779 --> 00:09:43,729
(knocking on door)
249
00:09:43,732 --> 00:09:46,572
- Open up, it's the guards.
250
00:09:46,574 --> 00:09:47,994
- Come in guards.
251
00:09:49,661 --> 00:09:51,351
(laughing)
252
00:09:51,348 --> 00:09:52,548
- There's no emergency.
253
00:09:52,546 --> 00:09:54,766
We just like shouting that
when we come up to the door.
254
00:09:54,767 --> 00:09:55,597
Just for the craic.
255
00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:57,020
- Now lads, if you're looking for somebody
256
00:09:57,016 --> 00:09:57,846
to arrest by the end of
the year just to meet
257
00:09:57,849 --> 00:10:00,269
your quotas, you've
come to the wrong house.
258
00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:02,307
- We haven't broken any laws.
259
00:10:02,307 --> 00:10:04,777
- Unless drink driving
is breaking the law.
260
00:10:04,778 --> 00:10:07,818
- Actually, technically it is.
261
00:10:07,817 --> 00:10:09,607
- Not with your cap on.
262
00:10:09,605 --> 00:10:13,185
I must've had 14 pints
last night on the way home.
263
00:10:13,191 --> 00:10:14,581
I don't know why it's
called a hit and run,
264
00:10:14,584 --> 00:10:17,054
the fellow I hit didn't get up and run.
265
00:10:17,054 --> 00:10:18,354
- We just wanted to let you know
266
00:10:18,345 --> 00:10:22,955
that RTE are showing a film
tonight, Crocodile Dundee.
267
00:10:22,958 --> 00:10:24,638
We wouldn't want anybody
to be missing that now.
268
00:10:24,637 --> 00:10:27,887
This film, it's about a Scottish crocodile
269
00:10:27,890 --> 00:10:30,330
let lose in New York.
270
00:10:30,330 --> 00:10:33,230
There might be some relations in it.
271
00:10:33,234 --> 00:10:34,354
- Sexual relations?
272
00:10:34,354 --> 00:10:37,644
- No no, my cousin, she lives in New York.
273
00:10:37,642 --> 00:10:39,872
- Anyway, we won't be keeping ye.
274
00:10:39,874 --> 00:10:41,184
- Oh great, I mean
275
00:10:41,181 --> 00:10:42,381
(laughs)
276
00:10:42,376 --> 00:10:43,876
great to see ya.
277
00:10:43,876 --> 00:10:45,546
- Before we go, do you want a lift
278
00:10:45,550 --> 00:10:46,860
with this old rolled up rug here.
279
00:10:46,855 --> 00:10:47,855
- [Both] No!
280
00:10:49,952 --> 00:10:50,792
- Right.
281
00:10:54,015 --> 00:10:56,015
- Where did you want it?
282
00:10:57,528 --> 00:11:00,018
- Christ, that's some heavy
pile in that rug there.
283
00:11:00,016 --> 00:11:00,846
(scoffs)
284
00:11:00,849 --> 00:11:02,129
- That's what I said.
285
00:11:02,134 --> 00:11:03,474
- Wait a second.
286
00:11:04,566 --> 00:11:07,546
Who's false teeth are those?
287
00:11:07,550 --> 00:11:08,900
- Oh, they're mine.
288
00:11:08,902 --> 00:11:10,212
They're my new ones.
289
00:11:10,214 --> 00:11:11,554
Look, see, look.
290
00:11:14,095 --> 00:11:17,095
Oh, (gags) they fit perfectly.
291
00:11:17,101 --> 00:11:21,811
Eamon says I look like one
of the Charlies's angels.
292
00:11:21,805 --> 00:11:23,645
- What's all that blood there?
293
00:11:23,653 --> 00:11:25,003
- That's not blood.
294
00:11:24,997 --> 00:11:26,407
That's red sauce.
295
00:11:27,565 --> 00:11:30,225
Look, yeah, red sauce there now.
296
00:11:31,469 --> 00:11:33,759
I'll taste it to prove it.
297
00:11:33,764 --> 00:11:34,604
- Do.
298
00:11:35,541 --> 00:11:37,001
- You can stop me now at any second.
299
00:11:36,996 --> 00:11:38,486
- I think they want to see you eat it.
300
00:11:38,489 --> 00:11:39,859
- I think they would
say that if they wanted,
301
00:11:39,857 --> 00:11:41,517
you can stop me now.
302
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:46,979
(whimpering)
303
00:11:46,977 --> 00:11:48,137
- He loves it.
304
00:11:51,593 --> 00:11:55,193
- That cap is rolled
up rather suspiciously.
305
00:11:55,192 --> 00:11:57,802
I think I know what's going on here.
306
00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,180
- I wish you said that before I had
307
00:11:59,183 --> 00:12:01,053
a taste of red sauce.
308
00:12:01,048 --> 00:12:04,468
- New teeth, red sauce, rolled-up carpet,
309
00:12:06,278 --> 00:12:07,678
you're having a party!
310
00:12:07,675 --> 00:12:08,975
- Will the film on the telly.
311
00:12:08,979 --> 00:12:10,059
- [Both] Yes.
312
00:12:10,060 --> 00:12:11,850
(laughing)
313
00:12:11,845 --> 00:12:13,425
- So who's invited?
314
00:12:15,533 --> 00:12:18,953
(lively Christmas music)
315
00:12:22,015 --> 00:12:23,105
- Thanks everyone for coming.
316
00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:26,500
I really hate watching the
television in peace and quiet.
317
00:12:26,502 --> 00:12:29,952
- There's turkey sandwiches,
turkey voulez-vous,
318
00:12:29,953 --> 00:12:31,623
and turkey dry ball.
319
00:12:33,596 --> 00:12:34,946
- It's funny that
Eamon's Mammy isn't here.
320
00:12:34,948 --> 00:12:36,018
- No it isn't!
321
00:12:36,020 --> 00:12:37,330
- No, it is.
322
00:12:37,325 --> 00:12:40,275
Because isn't she a bit
of a film buff, Eamon?
323
00:12:40,277 --> 00:12:42,487
I remember talking to her last Christmas.
324
00:12:42,494 --> 00:12:44,454
I was telling her about the
film studies evening course
325
00:12:44,449 --> 00:12:45,519
I was doing in Carlow.
326
00:12:45,516 --> 00:12:47,606
And I distinctly remember her telling me
327
00:12:47,608 --> 00:12:51,448
how much she loves films and
how she wouldn't miss one
328
00:12:51,448 --> 00:12:54,008
on the telly for the world.
329
00:12:54,008 --> 00:12:54,998
(crying)
330
00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:58,160
- Yeah, she did, I mean she does.
331
00:12:58,160 --> 00:12:59,830
I even bought her this camcorder
332
00:12:59,828 --> 00:13:03,158
for £500 pounds for Christmas.
333
00:13:03,159 --> 00:13:05,479
And Carlow, Concepta, Carlow doesn't have.
334
00:13:05,478 --> 00:13:08,058
an officially accredited
film studies course.
335
00:13:08,061 --> 00:13:09,761
- Didn't I see Eamon's Mammy climbing
336
00:13:09,755 --> 00:13:11,075
in your window last night?
337
00:13:11,076 --> 00:13:14,436
- Yes, she's upstairs,
but she's dead tired.
338
00:13:14,443 --> 00:13:17,573
- Not dead tired, she's
just regular tired.
339
00:13:17,568 --> 00:13:19,128
- I'll just pop up and say hello then.
340
00:13:19,133 --> 00:13:20,503
- Shall we all come up?
341
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:22,000
- Yes.
342
00:13:21,995 --> 00:13:23,285
We'll all go up.
343
00:13:23,289 --> 00:13:25,659
Just give us two minutes.
344
00:13:25,658 --> 00:13:27,588
Eamon, let's just go out for a second.
345
00:13:27,587 --> 00:13:29,107
Let's just go out, have a little word
346
00:13:29,113 --> 00:13:30,613
about that camcorder.
347
00:13:30,613 --> 00:13:32,293
That's what I'm going to ram up your
348
00:13:32,286 --> 00:13:33,906
Oh my god, isn't it great.
349
00:13:33,911 --> 00:13:35,511
(door closes)
350
00:13:35,506 --> 00:13:38,096
Okay, I rearranged the body
and put a bit of make-up
351
00:13:38,096 --> 00:13:40,186
on her to make her look presentable,
352
00:13:40,185 --> 00:13:42,065
or lots of make-up, and you stall them.
353
00:13:42,066 --> 00:13:43,476
- If I have to break
into the drinks cabinet,
354
00:13:43,475 --> 00:13:44,935
I'm going to get you to replace it.
355
00:13:44,942 --> 00:13:46,132
I'll take it out of your housekeeping.
356
00:13:46,134 --> 00:13:47,454
- Just keep pushing the trifle.
357
00:13:47,446 --> 00:13:49,606
There's plenty of sherry
in it to mask the taste
358
00:13:49,614 --> 00:13:50,554
of the turkey.
359
00:13:50,550 --> 00:13:51,470
Go, go, go.
360
00:13:54,077 --> 00:13:54,907
Eamon!
361
00:13:57,115 --> 00:13:58,465
We have a little bit of a problem.
362
00:13:58,467 --> 00:13:59,817
I don't want you to freak out.
363
00:13:59,823 --> 00:14:01,503
But your Mammy's dead body is gone.
364
00:14:01,500 --> 00:14:02,720
(suspenseful music)
365
00:14:02,716 --> 00:14:03,546
- Mammy!
366
00:14:08,396 --> 00:14:11,306
(upbeat pop music)
367
00:14:11,307 --> 00:14:12,227
(crying)
368
00:14:12,233 --> 00:14:15,063
Where's my dead Mammy's body gone?
369
00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:16,203
- I know what's happened.
370
00:14:16,195 --> 00:14:17,985
That evil bitch, she's become a zombie
371
00:14:17,992 --> 00:14:19,742
like in one of those films.
372
00:14:19,737 --> 00:14:21,527
- Well half the town want
to come up and see her.
373
00:14:21,532 --> 00:14:23,322
- I know, you're going to
have to pretend to be her.
374
00:14:23,318 --> 00:14:25,308
You look more like her than I do.
375
00:14:25,314 --> 00:14:28,404
- I will not dishonor my dead mother.
376
00:14:29,546 --> 00:14:31,786
- Jesus, you'd swear I was
asking for a favor, get in.
377
00:14:31,794 --> 00:14:32,634
Get in!
378
00:14:34,035 --> 00:14:35,435
Hello everybody.
379
00:14:35,442 --> 00:14:37,942
Eamon's Mammy is ready to see you now.
380
00:14:37,936 --> 00:14:39,906
If anybody would like
to take a small mirror
381
00:14:39,912 --> 00:14:41,692
up to check her breath, you can.
382
00:14:41,685 --> 00:14:44,425
Or maybe a copy of today's
newspaper and a camera.
383
00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:46,395
You can take my photograph
with Eamon's Mammy.
384
00:14:46,399 --> 00:14:47,469
We can all say it together,
385
00:14:47,471 --> 00:14:50,271
isn't it great that
Eamon's Mammy is alive.
386
00:14:50,271 --> 00:14:52,301
And Bridget is here to witness it.
387
00:14:52,295 --> 00:14:54,735
So if she wants to
suddenly die, for example,
388
00:14:54,742 --> 00:14:56,302
Bridget couldn't have done it.
389
00:14:56,302 --> 00:14:57,772
- That's a very long sentence, Bridget.
390
00:14:57,774 --> 00:14:59,164
No one would remember it.
391
00:14:59,164 --> 00:15:01,844
- Maybe we could make a little song.
392
00:15:01,837 --> 00:15:02,827
♫ Isn't it great
393
00:15:02,826 --> 00:15:05,026
♫ Diddlee aye, diddlee aye
394
00:15:05,027 --> 00:15:07,577
♫ That Eamon's Mammy is alive
395
00:15:07,577 --> 00:15:10,017
♫ Diddlee aye, diddlee aye
396
00:15:10,023 --> 00:15:11,683
♫ So if she was to die
397
00:15:11,679 --> 00:15:13,719
♫ Diddlee aye, diddlee aye
398
00:15:13,718 --> 00:15:15,588
♫ It couldn't have been Bridget
399
00:15:15,592 --> 00:15:17,662
♫ Diddlee aye, diddlee aye
400
00:15:17,660 --> 00:15:18,950
- Second verse!
401
00:15:18,946 --> 00:15:20,406
♫ What if she was dead
402
00:15:20,407 --> 00:15:22,507
♫ Diddlee aye, diddlee aye
403
00:15:22,513 --> 00:15:24,643
♫ Bridget would be the suspect
404
00:15:24,638 --> 00:15:26,598
♫ Diddlee aye, diddlee aye
405
00:15:26,599 --> 00:15:28,569
- Shut up Concepta!
406
00:15:28,567 --> 00:15:30,647
It only needed one verse.
407
00:15:33,615 --> 00:15:35,305
(knocking on door)
408
00:15:35,309 --> 00:15:36,939
- (in high voice) Who is it?
409
00:15:36,939 --> 00:15:39,429
- [Frank] It's me, honey.
410
00:15:39,433 --> 00:15:40,943
- Oh hello Frank.
411
00:15:40,943 --> 00:15:42,163
I didn't know you knew me.
412
00:15:42,157 --> 00:15:44,257
- Yeah, listen I'm sorry
about what happened
413
00:15:44,262 --> 00:15:46,102
last time you were here.
414
00:15:46,103 --> 00:15:47,983
In fairness, I did offer to go halfers
415
00:15:47,978 --> 00:15:49,508
on the hip replacement.
416
00:15:49,510 --> 00:15:52,470
- Why would you offer to pay for my hip.
417
00:15:52,472 --> 00:15:54,872
Sure she fell, I mean
I fell down the stairs.
418
00:15:54,871 --> 00:15:57,771
And I sent her, Eamon sent her me money.
419
00:15:57,765 --> 00:16:00,485
- Yeah listen, I'll
try to go a bit gentler
420
00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:04,443
on you this time, right, but
I can't promise anything.
421
00:16:04,442 --> 00:16:05,642
- Promise what?
422
00:16:05,639 --> 00:16:07,929
(in deep voice) Gentler how?
423
00:16:07,925 --> 00:16:09,545
- You know how.
424
00:16:09,552 --> 00:16:11,522
(shuddering)
425
00:16:11,516 --> 00:16:12,346
- Oh look at us.
426
00:16:12,349 --> 00:16:14,849
Isn't it amazing, we're
like a big gang of alibis.
427
00:16:14,854 --> 00:16:17,544
Oh alibi's a great word, isn't it.
428
00:16:17,537 --> 00:16:19,037
We should all say it together.
429
00:16:19,035 --> 00:16:21,135
- Oh, Eamon's Mammy, I've seen a lot of
430
00:16:21,143 --> 00:16:23,143
false teeth thrown across carpets
431
00:16:23,142 --> 00:16:24,852
in the throes of passion.
432
00:16:24,850 --> 00:16:29,390
But this time, I want you to
leave them in for me, my petal.
433
00:16:29,391 --> 00:16:30,911
- (in high voice) Get off me Frank.
434
00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:33,967
- We are all Bridget's alibi.
435
00:16:33,971 --> 00:16:35,891
Say it, it's great, no?
436
00:16:38,136 --> 00:16:40,086
- I love it when you're feisty, you minx.
437
00:16:40,089 --> 00:16:41,189
- Get off me Frank!
438
00:16:41,185 --> 00:16:42,875
- Give us a look at them big juicy
439
00:16:42,880 --> 00:16:43,710
- Get off me Frank!
440
00:16:43,713 --> 00:16:45,713
(punch)
441
00:16:47,685 --> 00:16:49,245
- Holy moly, you punch like you're still
442
00:16:49,245 --> 00:16:50,605
in your sixties, ya mad joke.
443
00:16:50,609 --> 00:16:51,739
- I tell you one thing.
444
00:16:51,743 --> 00:16:52,983
If you try and mount me again,
445
00:16:52,982 --> 00:16:56,032
I swear to god you'll be
shiting your own teeth.
446
00:16:56,032 --> 00:16:57,372
- How'd you do that?
447
00:16:57,366 --> 00:16:58,196
How'd you?
448
00:16:58,199 --> 00:16:59,689
Come here everyone, look.
449
00:16:59,688 --> 00:17:02,358
Eamon's Mammy does a great
impersonation of Eamon.
450
00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:03,690
- Where is Eamon's Mammy?
451
00:17:03,687 --> 00:17:05,007
- There.
452
00:17:05,006 --> 00:17:06,956
- I can explain everything.
453
00:17:06,956 --> 00:17:09,326
It's all Bridget's fault.
454
00:17:09,332 --> 00:17:11,422
- I can explain exactly where she is.
455
00:17:11,420 --> 00:17:12,280
- There she is now,
456
00:17:12,276 --> 00:17:13,776
hovering outside the window.
457
00:17:13,775 --> 00:17:15,075
(suspenseful music)
458
00:17:15,076 --> 00:17:17,406
(shrieking)
459
00:17:19,449 --> 00:17:21,029
- Why are you screaming?
460
00:17:21,031 --> 00:17:23,061
- Because she killed my Mammy.
461
00:17:23,062 --> 00:17:26,302
- Accidentally and now
we're all going to die!
462
00:17:26,299 --> 00:17:28,629
(screaming)
463
00:17:31,371 --> 00:17:32,541
- Where's me shoes.
464
00:17:32,538 --> 00:17:34,158
Bridget, where's me shoes?
465
00:17:34,158 --> 00:17:36,488
(screaming)
466
00:17:44,195 --> 00:17:46,265
(door slams)
467
00:17:46,271 --> 00:17:49,051
- Okay okay, don't judge me.
468
00:17:49,054 --> 00:17:50,834
Okay, but you see, Mammy,
she was in the kitchen
469
00:17:50,829 --> 00:17:53,019
and she wanted ham, I think,
470
00:17:53,020 --> 00:17:55,110
and then she said, can
you cut it a bit thicker,
471
00:17:55,108 --> 00:17:57,408
and then the carving knife went (buzzes)
472
00:17:57,414 --> 00:17:59,904
Into the neck and thenjust for a moment,
473
00:17:59,899 --> 00:18:04,309
maybe it was more than a
moment, and she kind of died.
474
00:18:04,310 --> 00:18:05,210
- And now she's back from the dead
475
00:18:05,207 --> 00:18:06,137
and she's gonna kill us all,
476
00:18:06,141 --> 00:18:07,581
because she's quite spiteful that way.
477
00:18:07,582 --> 00:18:08,812
I'm sorry I said that, Mammy.
478
00:18:08,813 --> 00:18:11,903
(electrical buzzing)
479
00:18:12,886 --> 00:18:16,436
- (in ghostly voice) It's
Eamon's Mammy, let me in.
480
00:18:16,439 --> 00:18:18,769
(screaming)
481
00:18:26,009 --> 00:18:26,839
- We're trapped.
482
00:18:26,842 --> 00:18:27,682
We're all going to die.
483
00:18:27,675 --> 00:18:32,315
- I always knew I was going
to die in a zombie apocalypse.
484
00:18:32,322 --> 00:18:35,572
- Before we all die, I have to confess.
485
00:18:37,986 --> 00:18:40,386
I'm pretty sure I reversed it 'til I was
486
00:18:40,387 --> 00:18:43,807
going around a roundabout in Kildare.
487
00:18:43,808 --> 00:18:44,938
- I'm, I'm a
488
00:18:44,938 --> 00:18:47,788
- Bridget, I am such
a bitch to you because
489
00:18:47,786 --> 00:18:50,476
I've been in love with you
since we were in school.
490
00:18:50,482 --> 00:18:52,592
- Isn't that lovely.
491
00:18:52,592 --> 00:18:55,842
- I don't have the heart for the garda.
492
00:18:56,706 --> 00:18:58,026
- You should spend time in the burgundy,
493
00:18:58,033 --> 00:18:59,403
that suits you much better.
494
00:18:59,395 --> 00:19:01,495
- Shut up you simpleton.
495
00:19:01,497 --> 00:19:05,477
- Eamon's Mammy, that's till
a great impersonation of him.
496
00:19:05,484 --> 00:19:06,324
- Frank!
497
00:19:07,243 --> 00:19:08,953
- For the first time in my life,
498
00:19:08,948 --> 00:19:12,888
I want to say this to you
all now, no more lies,
499
00:19:12,891 --> 00:19:15,651
or hiding in the closet, I'm
500
00:19:15,651 --> 00:19:18,471
I'm a, I'm a vegetarian.
501
00:19:18,467 --> 00:19:20,977
- Jesus father, you hid that so well,
502
00:19:20,984 --> 00:19:24,104
I thought you loved the sausage.
503
00:19:24,103 --> 00:19:25,693
- I do and I don't.
504
00:19:25,688 --> 00:19:27,688
- Concepta, my dead mother,
she's gonna kill us all.
505
00:19:27,685 --> 00:19:30,925
Will you just show us your massive, purty,
506
00:19:30,933 --> 00:19:32,853
and double G fake tits.
507
00:19:33,963 --> 00:19:36,533
Did I say tits, I meant party piece,
508
00:19:36,531 --> 00:19:38,981
show us your party piece there.
509
00:19:38,983 --> 00:19:41,903
(silly vocalizing)
510
00:19:44,914 --> 00:19:46,984
There's only one thing
that's gonna save us now.
511
00:19:46,978 --> 00:19:50,138
There's holy water out in the
shed in an empty 7 Up bottle.
512
00:19:50,144 --> 00:19:52,064
That's the only thing
that's gonna protect us.
513
00:19:52,064 --> 00:19:53,614
One of us has to go out and get it.
514
00:19:53,607 --> 00:19:55,727
Whoever goes, it's very very dangerous
515
00:19:55,727 --> 00:19:56,937
and you might die, so Bridget, you go.
516
00:19:56,944 --> 00:19:57,874
- What?
517
00:19:57,871 --> 00:19:59,981
- Yeah, now don't get it
mixed up with the 7 Up bottle
518
00:19:59,983 --> 00:20:02,063
that's full of poitín or the 7 Up bottle
519
00:20:02,059 --> 00:20:03,079
that's full of diesel,
520
00:20:03,079 --> 00:20:05,139
or the 7 Up bottle that's full of 7 Up.
521
00:20:05,142 --> 00:20:08,832
It has to be the 7 Up bottle
that's full of holy water.
522
00:20:08,829 --> 00:20:10,859
There are no markings on any of them.
523
00:20:10,860 --> 00:20:15,230
However, they're all
completely identical, go.
524
00:20:15,233 --> 00:20:18,593
- If I don't come back, tell my children
525
00:20:18,587 --> 00:20:22,597
to cancel my hair appointment
at half three tomorrow.
526
00:20:22,602 --> 00:20:23,442
- Bridget,
527
00:20:24,635 --> 00:20:25,635
(crying)
528
00:20:25,641 --> 00:20:29,211
before you go, will you give my mother
529
00:20:29,205 --> 00:20:31,605
this camcorder I got her for Christmas.
530
00:20:31,611 --> 00:20:34,651
It cost nearly £500 pounds.
531
00:20:34,645 --> 00:20:36,645
Oh, she loved the films.
532
00:20:40,253 --> 00:20:41,223
Scalextrics?
533
00:20:41,221 --> 00:20:43,461
Anyone for scalextrics?
534
00:20:43,460 --> 00:20:44,290
(suspenseful music)
535
00:20:44,293 --> 00:20:46,613
- Oh god, oh god, what am I doing?
536
00:20:46,605 --> 00:20:47,935
What's happening.
537
00:20:47,941 --> 00:20:48,831
I'm scared.
538
00:20:48,827 --> 00:20:50,577
Oh god, I don't want to be here.
539
00:20:50,578 --> 00:20:51,678
I can't do this, I can't do this.
540
00:20:51,682 --> 00:20:54,102
If anybody finds this
video, tell my children that
541
00:20:54,099 --> 00:20:55,029
I didn't mean for this to happen.
542
00:20:55,025 --> 00:20:57,635
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Jesus Christ!
543
00:20:57,638 --> 00:20:59,918
(dramatic tone)
544
00:20:59,918 --> 00:21:01,548
I left the clothes out on the line,
545
00:21:01,546 --> 00:21:04,346
and if it does ran, they
are going to be all smelly.
546
00:21:04,354 --> 00:21:06,154
Eamon, Eamon, this is as much your fault
547
00:21:06,150 --> 00:21:07,940
as it is mine, look!
548
00:21:07,937 --> 00:21:10,727
(camcorder static)
549
00:21:10,727 --> 00:21:12,127
(laughing)
550
00:21:12,134 --> 00:21:13,084
- Right, we all need to decide,
551
00:21:13,084 --> 00:21:14,924
in which order we're going to
take a swig of the holy water.
552
00:21:14,916 --> 00:21:16,836
- I don't think it's going
to make a lick of difference
553
00:21:16,844 --> 00:21:17,864
in this instance.
554
00:21:17,859 --> 00:21:19,509
Having said that, I should drink first.
555
00:21:19,507 --> 00:21:20,997
- No no no, I know, I know.
556
00:21:21,003 --> 00:21:23,423
So, I go first, and then
Father Gabriel and then
557
00:21:23,415 --> 00:21:24,245
- Why shouldn't I go first?
558
00:21:24,248 --> 00:21:25,228
I'm a guest in your house.
559
00:21:25,232 --> 00:21:26,862
- I have a scratch card
that I have two pounds on
560
00:21:26,858 --> 00:21:28,738
that I haven't brought back
to the post office yet.
561
00:21:28,741 --> 00:21:30,741
And I've just bought a new
pair of Dingo's jean shorts
562
00:21:30,739 --> 00:21:32,359
that I haven't even worn yet.
563
00:21:32,361 --> 00:21:33,191
(burps)
564
00:21:33,194 --> 00:21:35,964
- Eamon, did you just drink the whole lot?
565
00:21:35,961 --> 00:21:36,791
- What?
566
00:21:36,794 --> 00:21:38,084
We don't know the correct dosage.
567
00:21:38,079 --> 00:21:39,309
And there's no point in any of us dying,
568
00:21:39,311 --> 00:21:40,161
apart from Bridget.
569
00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:42,510
And you told me, you didn't
win on that scratch card.
570
00:21:42,512 --> 00:21:43,352
- I didn't.
571
00:21:43,345 --> 00:21:45,585
No, what would I want with money?
572
00:21:45,590 --> 00:21:46,420
(laughs)
573
00:21:46,423 --> 00:21:47,303
- Did you lock the back door?
574
00:21:47,297 --> 00:21:48,487
- Of course I locked the back door.
575
00:21:48,489 --> 00:21:51,259
I'm not completely stupid.
576
00:21:51,263 --> 00:21:54,233
- I'm going to, what's
the word I'm looking for,
577
00:21:54,229 --> 00:21:57,059
kill, yeah, I'm going to kill you.
578
00:21:58,021 --> 00:22:00,031
- No, yeah, I totally left it open.
579
00:22:00,029 --> 00:22:02,359
(screaming)
580
00:22:04,353 --> 00:22:05,693
- Eamon, no, no!
581
00:22:07,198 --> 00:22:09,038
(screaming)
582
00:22:09,035 --> 00:22:10,135
(door closes)
583
00:22:10,135 --> 00:22:12,385
(screaming
584
00:22:14,847 --> 00:22:16,727
- It's only a scratch card.
585
00:22:16,729 --> 00:22:19,659
I'll just but a little of
TCP on it, it'll be wine.
586
00:22:19,660 --> 00:22:21,160
Can I have a bag of chips, please.
587
00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:21,990
- He's turned.
588
00:22:21,993 --> 00:22:22,833
You know what you have to do.
589
00:22:22,826 --> 00:22:23,776
If it was my Brendon, I would do it
590
00:22:23,778 --> 00:22:25,388
Of course, my Brendan
wouldn't be stupid enough
591
00:22:25,387 --> 00:22:26,217
to get himself in that situation.
592
00:22:26,220 --> 00:22:28,500
Great choices you made in
life, Bridget, great choices.
593
00:22:28,504 --> 00:22:30,624
Here's the spade, go.
594
00:22:30,623 --> 00:22:31,463
(sentimental music)
595
00:22:31,456 --> 00:22:33,816
- Oh Eamon, I know I let you down.
596
00:22:33,824 --> 00:22:36,234
I know you dreamt more
than a semi state job
597
00:22:36,227 --> 00:22:38,807
and six to eight kids,
and a 25 year mortgage
598
00:22:38,807 --> 00:22:40,457
on an £80,000 pounds house.
599
00:22:40,464 --> 00:22:43,474
- I'll have a spice
burger, as well, please.
600
00:22:43,473 --> 00:22:44,673
- Maybe we were just too young.
601
00:22:44,674 --> 00:22:47,504
And I know I was the first
woman you had relations with,
602
00:22:47,497 --> 00:22:49,297
even though I'd been
around town quite a bit.
603
00:22:49,304 --> 00:22:50,824
- Just get on with it, Bridget,
604
00:22:50,823 --> 00:22:53,053
no one wants to hear your shite now.
605
00:22:53,047 --> 00:22:55,437
- Oh I love you Eamon
and I know deep down, you
606
00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:56,290
- Finish!
607
00:22:56,292 --> 00:22:57,582
- Okay okay will you hold him down,
608
00:22:57,576 --> 00:22:59,376
while I stove his face in with the shovel.
609
00:22:59,383 --> 00:23:00,533
- It's a spade.
610
00:23:00,528 --> 00:23:03,438
- Christmas is pure murder.
611
00:23:03,437 --> 00:23:05,767
(screaming)
612
00:23:10,147 --> 00:23:12,397
(punching)
613
00:23:14,588 --> 00:23:16,938
(glass breaking)
614
00:23:16,936 --> 00:23:19,596
(angelic music)
615
00:23:36,697 --> 00:23:38,897
- Hold on, that's not the holy water.
616
00:23:38,895 --> 00:23:39,725
That's the poitín.
617
00:23:39,728 --> 00:23:42,408
- Will somebody please
just get me a bag of chips.
618
00:23:42,411 --> 00:23:44,711
Or turkey and stuffing,
and fry it up in the pan.
619
00:23:44,705 --> 00:23:47,395
- I still think there's
some gravy left in the boat.
620
00:23:47,396 --> 00:23:48,346
(screaming)
621
00:23:48,350 --> 00:23:50,410
- Will the two of you just stop fighting.
622
00:23:50,413 --> 00:23:52,323
Every fecking St. Stephen's Day,
623
00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:53,670
you try and kill each other.
624
00:23:53,670 --> 00:23:55,010
- But I lost a kidney
last St. Stephen's Day,
625
00:23:55,012 --> 00:23:55,902
when your Mammy
626
00:23:55,901 --> 00:23:56,741
- I don't care.
627
00:23:56,740 --> 00:23:58,670
Get into that kitchen
and get me some food.
628
00:23:58,667 --> 00:24:00,707
Crocodile Dundee is
starting in two minutes.
629
00:24:00,707 --> 00:24:01,967
I want to see how a Scottish crocodile
630
00:24:01,970 --> 00:24:04,360
got into New York without a visa.
631
00:24:04,361 --> 00:24:07,631
- So Eamon, your Mammy
was never a zombie at all.
632
00:24:07,626 --> 00:24:10,486
- No, it's the old warfarin
tablets, has her going mental.
633
00:24:10,485 --> 00:24:12,645
I wouldn't worry about it.
634
00:24:13,816 --> 00:24:16,326
(suspenseful music)
635
00:24:16,330 --> 00:24:18,080
- That's not a knife.
636
00:24:19,489 --> 00:24:21,069
That's not a knife.
637
00:24:22,834 --> 00:24:24,424
That's not a knife.
638
00:24:26,273 --> 00:24:27,863
That's not a knife.
639
00:24:29,465 --> 00:24:31,045
That's not a knife.
640
00:24:32,913 --> 00:24:34,503
That's not a knife.
641
00:24:35,609 --> 00:24:37,189
That's not a knife.
642
00:24:38,984 --> 00:24:40,574
That's not a knife.
643
00:24:42,447 --> 00:24:44,027
That's not a knife.
644
00:24:44,979 --> 00:24:46,079
That's not a knife.
645
00:24:46,075 --> 00:24:48,165
Are there any knives in this house?
646
00:24:48,166 --> 00:24:50,886
Like, that's not a knife,
that's not a knife.
647
00:24:50,886 --> 00:24:51,856
Do you have any knives?
648
00:24:51,858 --> 00:24:54,478
Where'd you put all the
649
00:24:54,484 --> 00:24:57,154
(dramatic tone)
650
00:24:57,204 --> 00:25:01,754
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