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1
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Robbery isn't as bad as killing a man,
2
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and you got me off on that.
3
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There are only two get out of jail free cards in the game,
4
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and you've used them both up.
5
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Say hello grandpa.
6
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Hi, paw paw.
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Hi. Hello, sweetheart.
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Rachel is using again.
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I've decided to do an intervention.
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And Fiona?
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I'll assume custody until Rachel is well.
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We always said what a mistake it was for us to get married.
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Maybe the blunder was splitting up.
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You are getting married, and you're kissing another woman.
15
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Not just any woman. I promise.
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As a concession for keeping the cottage in cape may,
17
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you're willing to give up the house in Great Barrington.
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And the antique pewter valued at over $70,000.
19
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A considerable gesture of goodwill on your part.
20
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However, there's something that Natalie's determined to get her hands on,
21
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and I simply can't permit it...
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My Victorian Erotica collection.
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Vic... what?
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Victorian Erotica.
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As I'm sure you're aware, much like today,
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the late 1800s were a socially conservative time.
27
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During repressive eras...
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Pornography thrives.
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We prefer "Erotica".
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I'm in possession of the premier collection
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of Victorian Erotica in the western hemisphere.
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I intend for it to be my legacy to the world.
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Um... Just so I'm clear here,
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we're talking about literature, photos...
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And machinery.
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Machinery?
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The Victorian Era was the height of the industrial age.
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Whenever new technology arrives, its first use is erotica.
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Much like the Internet...
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and Internet porn.
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Erotica.
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No, that stuff's just porn.
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Um, Clifford, was any of this erotica acquired during your marriage?
44
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All of it, actually.
45
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Well, then legally, Natalie is entitled to a significant portion of the collection.
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Shirley, my family's money and affairs has been connected to this firm
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since you opened your doors. I want my collection.
48
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You'll never get it, Clifford.
49
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And you must be Natalie.
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Shirl.
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Ivan?
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You don't normally practice family law.
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What are you doing on a divorce case?
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Professor Cabot's estate has a strong tie to the firm.
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He wanted me. And you?
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I wanted you.
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As a matter of full disclosure,
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Mr. Tiggs and I were once married many years ago
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and could conceivably present a conflict of tersest.
60
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Either one or both of you would be advised to request change of counsel.
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I'm not giving up my attorney.
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No takers? Great.
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Shall we?
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You don't want to tear apart a collection.
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That's why it's called "a collection".
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If you spent a little less time with the collection,
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we might not be here dividing it up now.
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People!
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Before you met me, you'd never even heard of "The Lusty Turk"...
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Clifford...
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If not for me, "Two circus Virgins" would be hanging over someone else's fireplace.
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Natalie, Clifford, if neither of you can budge on this,
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then we will end up in court and a judge will decide your collection's future.
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Fine.
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Now why don't we take a break and see
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if we can come up with a better resolution tomorrow.
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That's fine.
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I'll be right down.
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I'll call you.
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I thought they'd never leave.
81
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So how is the missus... missy?
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The honeymoon was exceptional.
83
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Guadalupe?
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An atrociously dull island. Nothing to do but have sex all day and night.
85
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By the way, Shirley, I'm having an affair.
86
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Huh. Ivan, you do not disappoint.
87
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You've been married four weeks.
88
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Seemed like five.
89
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And whom are you having the affair with?
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You.
91
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Well, so far it hasn't been very good for me.
92
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I'm not sure if you follow the morning network news shows,
93
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but I caught a couple on the Island.
94
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And according to the experts, one doesn't have to actually
95
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have a physical relationship to be considered a cheater.
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No kidding?
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No kidding.
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If our friendship...
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Let's just call it that...
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ils deeper than my primary relationship,
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them technically I'm emotionally cheating on my wife.
102
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That's what Katie and Matt say, and they both have such trusting faces.
103
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Besides humor you, what can I do?
104
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Admit you're having an emotional affair with me.
105
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Consider making it physical, since, after all,
106
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we're already halfway there...
107
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And let's call it a day.
108
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I have a better idea,
109
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and I'm sure it's something Katie and Matt came up with as well.
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Go home to your wife, Ivan.
111
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Are you breaking up with me?
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Go home to your wife.
113
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Shirley, you know I don't play fair.
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That's one of the many reasons you love me.
115
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Did you pack my jean nate?
116
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Yes, I packed your jean Nate.
117
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What about my nighttime eye patches?
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I can't sleep without my nighttime eye patches.
119
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Evening, Adele.
120
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Step on it!
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Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait!
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Mrs. Piper!
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I have warned you before about this.
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You leave me no other choice.
125
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Call Boston PD I want her arrested for kidnapping.
126
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Oh, before you do that, dear, could you do one thing?
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What?
128
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Call Alan Shore. He's in the book.
129
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Why did you try to kidnap this woman?
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She wasn't kidnapping me.
131
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She was helping me escape.
132
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Oh, come on...
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Alan...
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A crime is being committed here.
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Adele is being held prisoner.
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Go on.
137
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Adele's been in the hospital suffering from depression.
138
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Her son died recently, and it really devastated her.
139
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Last wee, they took her out of the hospital,
140
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and they brought her here to this so-called "Assisted Living Center".
141
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They put her on antidepressants.
142
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She started feeling better,
143
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and she asked when she could go home.
144
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That's when she found out the court had assigned
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a conservator to be in charge of her estate.
146
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Donald Wharton... a man she'd never even heard of.
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He has my power of attorney.
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He has control of my bank accounts, of my property.
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He... he's selling off my assets.
150
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And he is spending all of my money without my permission.
151
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Adele... Do you have any family?
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Not since my son passed away.
153
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Catherine...
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If you knew this injustice was being done to Adele,
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why didn't you simply call me before you attempted to kidnap her?
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Well, dear, you... you'd helped me out on those two convenience store robberies,
157
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not to mention the murder.
158
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I didn't want to think I was becoming a bother.
159
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So... one has only to fill out a few forms,
160
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and is then fury licensed by the state?
161
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It's that easy. Now many conservators are perfectly qualified,
162
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but the lesser ones are Akin to the Jackal.
163
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They sniff around hospital corridors,
164
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hunting for senior citizens with no family ties.
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When they corner one,
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the conservator goes before a judge with an emergency motion,
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the judge, overburdened with caseloads, quickly grants them a power of attorney,
168
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and suddenly, they sink their teeth into that senior's life.
169
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They seize their assess, strip away all their decision making powers,
170
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then run up charges, feeding off the estates until the bones have been picked clean.
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Wow. Aren't people grand?
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Alan, what are you eating?
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Jamaican ackee. It tastes like scrambled eggs if you cook it.
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No, thanks.
175
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How do you want to proceed with Adele's conservator?
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Mr. Wharton?
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A visit to his den would be a good start.
178
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Hmm, why not?
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Avoid the pink parts. They've been known to cause vomiting or death.
180
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The first thing we should talk about is Paul Lewiston.
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Let's wait until he gets here.
182
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Well, that's the point. He's not getting here.
183
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His schedule's been a bit shaky since he's taken custody of his granddaughter.
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Granddaughter?
185
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Fiona, his daughter Rachel's in...
186
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Oh, right, right, right. The druggie.
187
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She's not a druggie.
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She has an addition for which she's receiving treatment.
189
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We don't need Paul. The hell with it. I'll take care of this. What's on his plate?
190
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Uh, to start with, Paul has final interviews for summer associate candidates.
191
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Boring. Next.
192
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Uh, it's almost the first of the month.
193
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Someone needs to meet with the building manager.
194
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I'll take that.
195
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And Sam Wolfson wanted some time this week.
196
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Oh, Sam and I go way back. I'll cover Sam.
197
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Well, folks, there you are. You see? Problem solved.
198
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Denny Crane... Hands on management.
199
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Where's Paul?
200
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Oh, dear God.
201
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My absence at this morning's partnership meeting was unavoidable.
202
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I had to take Fiona to the pediatrician.
203
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Perfectly understandable, Paul.
204
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We're just curious when you'll be returning to work full-time.
205
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Shirley, I have recently become the single parent
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to a 3-year-old child who has no one but me to depend on.
207
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Paul, I know it's hard.
208
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No, it's not about being hard.
209
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It's that my priorities are different now.
210
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And suddenly, this firm doesn't seem so important.
211
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Denny Crane... master of the house.
212
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Hello, Denny. How are things?
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Couldn't be better. Paul, I heard about your druggie daughter.
214
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I've got things under control now.
215
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Why don't you take the time you need?
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Thank you. I intend to.
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Shirley.
218
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"Druggie daughter?"
219
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What?
220
00:11:11,086 --> 00:11:13,355
We covered the increased security at the front desk,
221
00:11:13,390 --> 00:11:16,374
and you're going to repair the water damage on the 14th floor.
222
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Da, I take care of Friday if good.
223
00:11:19,605 --> 00:11:20,848
Very good.
224
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What went smoothly. So I guess I'll see you next month.
225
00:11:26,758 --> 00:11:28,260
So...
226
00:11:35,559 --> 00:11:36,665
I'm forgetting something.
227
00:11:36,700 --> 00:11:38,005
Yeah.
228
00:11:38,028 --> 00:11:39,263
Right. Here's the thing...
229
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I don't know what it is I'm forgetting.
230
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E... envelope.
231
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Are you asking me for a bribe?
232
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No! No, no, no, no.
233
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Cretins.
234
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So...
235
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Are you gonna tell me?
236
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Yes, you're zipped.
237
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That's not what I meant.
238
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Denny, do you mind?
239
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Shirley, you're my girl.
240
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I rarely look at people's faces other than my own,
241
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but your pallor was telling me something.
242
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Man trouble?
243
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It's Ivan.
244
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He won't stop until he gets what he wants.
245
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Right now what he wants is me,
246
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and... for once, I don't trust myself with him.
247
00:13:01,871 --> 00:13:05,489
So... why not have an affair with him and get it over with?
248
00:13:05,524 --> 00:13:07,916
And what about his sweet, young wife?
249
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Not to mention my own morals.
250
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Morals.
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Invented by the power elite to keep the hoi pollio from enjoying themselves.
252
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As for the wife, either she won't find out
253
00:13:18,662 --> 00:13:21,483
and you'll be fine, or she will and she'll learn.
254
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If he's gonna have an affair with someone,
255
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why not be part of the fun?
256
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Maybe you should write fortune cookies.
257
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And maybe you...
258
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should fantasize about him with someone else.
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Good-bye, Denny.
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Was that too sublet? I meant me.
261
00:13:53,704 --> 00:13:56,458
Wait out here, Adele. I'll just be a minute.
262
00:13:56,493 --> 00:13:59,536
Catherine, to what do I owe this pleasant surprise?
263
00:13:59,571 --> 00:14:01,543
I heard you were going to see Wharton today.
264
00:14:01,578 --> 00:14:02,744
I'm on my way.
265
00:14:02,745 --> 00:14:07,559
I just wanna warn you, don't be fooled by his silly, cherubic face.
266
00:14:07,594 --> 00:14:11,404
I mean, he fools judges, He fools hospital administrators...
267
00:14:11,439 --> 00:14:13,516
anyone he needs to so he can get his hands
268
00:14:13,551 --> 00:14:15,594
on folk like Adele and her pocketbook.
269
00:14:15,629 --> 00:14:17,004
He's a bad man, Alan.
270
00:14:17,039 --> 00:14:18,380
I'm hardly ever fooled.
271
00:14:18,415 --> 00:14:20,019
Oh, come on.
272
00:14:20,054 --> 00:14:23,068
The first time you met me, I'm sure you had no idea
273
00:14:23,103 --> 00:14:26,082
I'd be capable of killing a man with a frying pan.
274
00:14:26,117 --> 00:14:27,215
Catherine, when I met you,
275
00:14:27,250 --> 00:14:29,662
I was sure you could accomplish anything you set your mind to,
276
00:14:29,697 --> 00:14:31,315
and you've yet to disappoint.
277
00:14:31,350 --> 00:14:35,107
Just so you know, I've asked Jesus not to forgive him.
278
00:14:35,142 --> 00:14:38,530
I think Adele has a very good friend.
279
00:14:38,820 --> 00:14:42,030
Oh, Adele and I are old. If we don't stick up for each other, who will?
280
00:14:42,065 --> 00:14:43,697
Hello, Adele.
281
00:14:44,126 --> 00:14:46,482
Clifford, regarding the collection...
282
00:14:46,517 --> 00:14:48,803
when one is faces with a daunting loss,
283
00:14:48,838 --> 00:14:52,219
one tries to hold tightly to something tangible.
284
00:14:52,254 --> 00:14:55,565
as your attorney and as someone who's been there,
285
00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:58,713
divorce can play some very nasty tricks on your psyche.
286
00:14:58,748 --> 00:15:01,827
So you're asking, is it conceivable I can't let Natalie go?
287
00:15:01,862 --> 00:15:05,383
I'm putting it out there as a possibility.
288
00:15:06,403 --> 00:15:08,318
Given the fact she'd rather spend more time
289
00:15:08,353 --> 00:15:11,494
chairing the women's studies department than be with me,
290
00:15:11,529 --> 00:15:14,321
and that she's the one that asked for the divorce?
291
00:15:14,356 --> 00:15:16,064
Something like that.
292
00:15:16,099 --> 00:15:17,738
The answer is still no.
293
00:15:17,773 --> 00:15:21,292
Shirley, this is my vision. It's not just some collection of smut,
294
00:15:21,327 --> 00:15:23,350
it's an actual window into our history,
295
00:15:23,385 --> 00:15:26,490
a look at how we perceive ourselves and our society
296
00:15:26,525 --> 00:15:30,333
through a lens of our most primary urges.
297
00:15:30,368 --> 00:15:35,080
I even had this artist's rendering done for a museum I'd like to start.
298
00:15:36,940 --> 00:15:40,983
"Professor Clifford Cabot's Cabinet of Sexual Curiosities".
299
00:15:41,018 --> 00:15:43,359
Now that's just to get them in the door.
300
00:15:43,965 --> 00:15:45,532
I'm beginning to get the idea.
301
00:15:45,567 --> 00:15:48,469
and I think a judge might as well, however...
302
00:15:48,504 --> 00:15:52,275
I still feel if you don't give a little,
303
00:15:52,310 --> 00:15:55,842
you'll stand to lose a lot.
304
00:15:56,448 --> 00:15:59,189
Sorry about the mess. It's been busy lately.
305
00:15:59,224 --> 00:16:00,654
I can imagine.
306
00:16:01,219 --> 00:16:05,822
Oh, look, Denise. When's the last time you saw a TV tray?
307
00:16:05,857 --> 00:16:08,991
Suddenly I feel like watching "Bonanza".
308
00:16:09,026 --> 00:16:11,835
So you want to talk about Adele?
309
00:16:11,870 --> 00:16:14,248
Yes, Adele tells us that you have moved her into
310
00:16:14,283 --> 00:16:17,258
an assisted living facility and are selling off her assets.
311
00:16:17,293 --> 00:16:19,009
Well, it's the only way to pay for the place.
312
00:16:19,044 --> 00:16:20,535
They're so damn expensive.
313
00:16:20,570 --> 00:16:21,992
Someone should look into that.
314
00:16:22,027 --> 00:16:24,384
An alternative would be to take her out of the facility
315
00:16:24,419 --> 00:16:27,401
and move her back home. Just a thought.
316
00:16:27,436 --> 00:16:30,384
Oh, I know Adele does not want to be there.
317
00:16:30,419 --> 00:16:32,711
She's fighting me on that one.
318
00:16:33,444 --> 00:16:35,381
Mr. Wharton, we've met with Adele.
319
00:16:35,416 --> 00:16:38,702
And while she may have had trouble when she first arrived at the hospital,
320
00:16:38,737 --> 00:16:43,213
she has since recovered and is ready to move on with her life.
321
00:16:43,248 --> 00:16:47,616
And as her attorneys, we'd like to help you move on with certain things as well.
322
00:16:47,651 --> 00:16:49,865
We've gotten rid of the trouble of court nonsense...
323
00:16:49,900 --> 00:16:52,080
Notary public, standing in line at the post office...
324
00:16:52,115 --> 00:16:54,377
You have only to sign this release,
325
00:16:54,412 --> 00:16:56,847
and we will relieve you of one of the burdens
326
00:16:56,882 --> 00:17:00,638
of your already overburdened workload.
327
00:17:00,975 --> 00:17:02,636
She got to you, didn't she?
328
00:17:02,671 --> 00:17:03,318
I beg your pardon?
329
00:17:03,353 --> 00:17:06,405
Adele. She's very good with strangers.
330
00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:08,212
Adele has clinical depression.
331
00:17:08,247 --> 00:17:10,619
You probably saw her on a good day.
332
00:17:10,654 --> 00:17:14,989
She has bouts of forgetfulness, poor judgment, difficulty concentrating.
333
00:17:15,024 --> 00:17:19,160
If I were to let her go, as an appointee of the court,
334
00:17:19,195 --> 00:17:23,859
and more importantly, as one of the only people who cares about her,
335
00:17:23,894 --> 00:17:26,781
I would be completely remiss.
336
00:17:30,119 --> 00:17:33,241
Mr. Wharton, what color are Adele's eyes?
337
00:17:33,276 --> 00:17:35,658
Uh... blue.
338
00:17:35,693 --> 00:17:38,005
They're brown.
339
00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:40,391
What was her son's name?
340
00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:42,522
Jonathan.
341
00:17:43,612 --> 00:17:46,629
Mr. Wharton, as someone who cares about Adele
342
00:17:46,664 --> 00:17:49,869
and is supposed to be caring for Adele,
343
00:17:49,904 --> 00:17:53,169
you seem to be very forgetful yourself.
344
00:17:53,204 --> 00:17:56,434
Please don't forget your court date.
345
00:18:15,293 --> 00:18:16,783
Denny.
346
00:18:19,735 --> 00:18:20,565
You're panting.
347
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:21,912
Yes.
348
00:18:21,947 --> 00:18:24,058
Because of me?
349
00:18:24,059 --> 00:18:26,031
Because of you.
350
00:18:26,066 --> 00:18:27,969
Lock the door.
351
00:18:28,004 --> 00:18:31,699
Because of you... Paul didn't keep his meeting with the building manager
352
00:18:31,734 --> 00:18:33,105
and Brad stiffed him.
353
00:18:33,140 --> 00:18:35,371
Now we don't have elevator service before 7:00am,
354
00:18:35,406 --> 00:18:38,151
and I had to walk up 14 flights of stairs. Didn't you?
355
00:18:38,186 --> 00:18:41,101
I climb the stairs every morning. The elevator's for democrats.
356
00:18:41,136 --> 00:18:42,969
Lock the door.
357
00:18:43,564 --> 00:18:45,712
My nipple's hard.
358
00:18:45,747 --> 00:18:48,406
While I appreciate the update on your vestigial teat,
359
00:18:48,441 --> 00:18:50,010
you're not horny, you're freezing.
360
00:18:50,045 --> 00:18:51,770
Apparently the heat doesn't go on in the building
361
00:18:51,805 --> 00:18:56,176
before 7:00am because Paul didn't keep his special agreement with the building.
362
00:18:56,211 --> 00:18:58,407
You're not gonna lock the door, are you?
363
00:18:58,442 --> 00:19:00,604
Denny, you have gotta convince Paul to stay.
364
00:19:00,639 --> 00:19:03,015
Me? Never happen.
365
00:19:03,050 --> 00:19:06,869
The reason you, me, Alan and the rest of us get to go to court
366
00:19:06,904 --> 00:19:10,688
and yell "Objection" and sue people and make witnesses cry is Paul.
367
00:19:10,723 --> 00:19:12,729
Paul makes the elevators run.
368
00:19:12,764 --> 00:19:16,681
He supervises the associates, he double-checks the billable.
369
00:19:16,716 --> 00:19:19,683
Well, let me tell you, Shirley,
370
00:19:19,933 --> 00:19:22,544
what makes this place run...
371
00:19:22,579 --> 00:19:24,621
money. And I bring it in.
372
00:19:24,656 --> 00:19:26,875
You bring it in, Denny.
373
00:19:26,910 --> 00:19:29,060
But Paul puts it to work.
374
00:19:29,095 --> 00:19:32,820
Shirley... A supermarket doesn't close cause the cashier quit.
375
00:19:32,855 --> 00:19:34,331
Yes, it does, Denny.
376
00:19:34,366 --> 00:19:37,964
Otherwise people would just walk out with the food.
377
00:19:44,572 --> 00:19:45,776
Good news.
378
00:19:45,811 --> 00:19:48,163
My client, in the spirit of cooperation,
379
00:19:48,198 --> 00:19:52,180
has may what I consider an amicable and generous offer.
380
00:19:52,935 --> 00:19:56,700
Natalie is willing to give up the entire erotica collection...
381
00:19:56,735 --> 00:19:59,310
book, magazines, paintings, photos...
382
00:19:59,345 --> 00:20:04,127
a collection which includes five first edition copies of "The Pearl".
383
00:20:04,162 --> 00:20:06,913
Which I'm guessing is not a biography of Earl Monroe.
384
00:20:06,948 --> 00:20:08,039
Hardly.
385
00:20:08,074 --> 00:20:12,841
The full title is,"The Pearl; a journal of facetiae and voluptuous reading".
386
00:20:12,876 --> 00:20:16,821
It was first published in London by the society of vice in 1879.
387
00:20:16,856 --> 00:20:19,979
The original, unbound periodicals are exceedingly rare.
388
00:20:20,014 --> 00:20:23,901
And they alone are worth more than the entire rest of the collection put together.
389
00:20:23,936 --> 00:20:25,628
So we understand what we're talking about,
390
00:20:25,663 --> 00:20:26,799
perhaps I could read a passage.
391
00:20:26,834 --> 00:20:27,582
Ivan, that wouldn't...
392
00:20:27,583 --> 00:20:31,391
"I poured into her ears a tale of burning love.
393
00:20:31,426 --> 00:20:35,130
Finding that she made no resistance, I pressed her to my bosom.
394
00:20:35,165 --> 00:20:39,239
I undressed her till she stood in perfect nudity.
395
00:20:39,274 --> 00:20:45,278
I led her to the bedside, she lay back, I sank to my knees,
396
00:20:45,313 --> 00:20:50,027
and then with eagerness and tenderness, I... "
397
00:20:51,336 --> 00:20:53,445
Well, you get the idea.
398
00:20:53,480 --> 00:20:56,012
As cheesy as that was, I do.
399
00:20:56,047 --> 00:20:57,993
Well, that being said,
400
00:20:58,028 --> 00:21:01,368
Natalie is willing to give up the collection except for one small item
401
00:21:01,403 --> 00:21:03,433
that she currently has in her possession.
402
00:21:03,468 --> 00:21:04,607
Which item?
403
00:21:04,642 --> 00:21:06,162
Something called the hysteria machine.
404
00:21:06,197 --> 00:21:07,435
The hysteria machine?
405
00:21:07,470 --> 00:21:08,298
That Harridan!
406
00:21:08,299 --> 00:21:09,931
What the hell is a hysteria machine?
407
00:21:09,966 --> 00:21:11,971
The premier piece of the entire collection.
408
00:21:12,006 --> 00:21:13,554
Why didn't I see this coming?
409
00:21:13,589 --> 00:21:15,883
Forget the house, forget the pewter.
410
00:21:15,918 --> 00:21:18,177
She wants to play dirty, so be it.
411
00:21:19,307 --> 00:21:22,266
Ivan, we're going to court.
412
00:21:22,728 --> 00:21:24,723
Sounds like a date.
413
00:21:32,116 --> 00:21:34,529
Your honor, since he became Mrs. Freeman's conservator,
414
00:21:34,564 --> 00:21:38,469
Mr. Wharton has placed Mrs. Freeman in a convalescent home against her will,
415
00:21:38,504 --> 00:21:41,295
has taken control of all her credit cards.
416
00:21:41,330 --> 00:21:44,086
He has charged exorbitant fees to the estate.
417
00:21:44,121 --> 00:21:46,399
To pay her $90 electric bill,
418
00:21:46,434 --> 00:21:48,642
he charged the estate $150.
419
00:21:48,677 --> 00:21:54,001
He charged $170 to bring her less than $50 worth of groceries.
420
00:21:54,036 --> 00:21:56,589
Your honor, these are legitimate expenses.
421
00:21:56,624 --> 00:21:59,108
The truth is, if everyone did their job,
422
00:21:59,143 --> 00:22:01,986
helped out with their family, their friends, their neighbors,
423
00:22:02,021 --> 00:22:04,226
it would render my job unnecessary.
424
00:22:04,261 --> 00:22:05,332
But we don't.
425
00:22:05,367 --> 00:22:09,028
We, as a society, don't like to care of the old and the weak.
426
00:22:09,063 --> 00:22:12,271
It's a difficult, heart wrenching affair.
427
00:22:12,306 --> 00:22:15,613
Well, I stood up and am doing it.
428
00:22:15,648 --> 00:22:20,883
I have an affidavit from the admitting nurse at the hospital where Adele was first taken.
429
00:22:20,918 --> 00:22:25,627
She says Adele was confused, disoriented and apparently hadn't eaten in several days.
430
00:22:25,662 --> 00:22:30,337
A state any of us might be in after the death of our last surviving family member.
431
00:22:30,372 --> 00:22:33,805
I have an affidavit from The Cottonwood Assisted Living Home,
432
00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:37,362
which states Mrs. Freeman is lucid and rational.
433
00:22:37,397 --> 00:22:40,885
She's lucid because she's well taken care of.
434
00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:42,814
Mr. Wharton makes a point.
435
00:22:42,849 --> 00:22:46,270
Mrs. Freeman is 83 and has no family.
436
00:22:46,305 --> 00:22:49,801
What if she goes off her medication? Suppose she takes a fall?
437
00:22:49,836 --> 00:22:53,172
Your honor, if that's a concern, I can arrange for her to live with a friend.
438
00:22:53,207 --> 00:22:57,243
A friend, especially a mature friend,
439
00:22:57,278 --> 00:23:00,925
is not the same as a family member or a legal conservator.
440
00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:03,329
Your Honor, I... I've heard enough from both sides.
441
00:23:03,364 --> 00:23:07,139
I'm assigning a court appointed psychiatrist to examine you, Mrs. Freeman.
442
00:23:07,174 --> 00:23:11,507
Until I have evidence that you are entirely self-sufficient,
443
00:23:11,542 --> 00:23:14,798
you will remain a ward of Mr. Wharton.
444
00:23:14,833 --> 00:23:17,968
We will reconvene in six weeks after the examination.
445
00:23:18,003 --> 00:23:19,510
Six weeks?
446
00:23:19,545 --> 00:23:22,540
Your Honor, for Mrs. Freeman, that is a lifetime.
447
00:23:22,575 --> 00:23:26,907
And in the court system, it's practically the speed of light.
448
00:23:27,389 --> 00:23:29,054
We're adjourned.
449
00:23:31,168 --> 00:23:33,468
It was actually used as a medical device.
450
00:23:33,503 --> 00:23:37,970
During the Victorian Era, there was an inability or an unwillingness of society
451
00:23:38,005 --> 00:23:39,812
to comprehend female sexual desire,
452
00:23:39,847 --> 00:23:43,729
so this desire was misinterpreted as "an illness".
453
00:23:43,764 --> 00:23:45,748
It doesn't seem to be working.
454
00:23:45,783 --> 00:23:47,866
Well, it takes a minute or two to get its steam up.
455
00:23:47,901 --> 00:23:49,857
In the meantime, professor Cabot,
456
00:23:49,892 --> 00:23:52,461
could you tell us how the hysteria machine works?
457
00:23:52,496 --> 00:23:56,240
Women frequently complained of symptoms such as nervousness, uh,
458
00:23:56,275 --> 00:23:59,985
heaviness in the abdomen, vaginal lubrication, insomnia and so on.
459
00:24:00,020 --> 00:24:02,447
Doctors referred to these symptoms as hysteria,
460
00:24:02,482 --> 00:24:06,122
but of course, they're actually signs of sexual arousal.
461
00:24:06,157 --> 00:24:09,727
Before the invention of this machine, a doctor would, uh,
462
00:24:09,762 --> 00:24:14,643
massage a woman until she reached a climactic "Paroxysm," as they called it.
463
00:24:14,678 --> 00:24:18,359
I should've listened to my mother. She always wanted me to be a doctor.
464
00:24:18,605 --> 00:24:20,514
And how did this machine come into being?
465
00:24:20,549 --> 00:24:25,949
A doctor invented it because, well... his arm got tired.
466
00:24:26,629 --> 00:24:30,222
Ah, the steam is up, and it's ready to go.
467
00:24:31,782 --> 00:24:32,981
Oh, my God.
468
00:24:33,016 --> 00:24:34,258
It's amazing, isn't it?
469
00:24:34,259 --> 00:24:38,975
And I haven't even put the attachments on yet, which go right there.
470
00:24:40,798 --> 00:24:42,556
Oh, my God!
471
00:24:42,591 --> 00:24:44,846
It's the only working one of its kind in the world.
472
00:24:44,881 --> 00:24:47,847
It's unique and valuable and irreplaceable.
473
00:24:47,882 --> 00:24:50,899
Would you, uh, shut it off, please?
474
00:24:55,356 --> 00:25:00,149
Sorry, your Honor. A steam engine doesn't just shut off right away.
475
00:25:05,317 --> 00:25:09,996
Mr. Wharton, unfortunately, what may seem like a small victory is
476
00:25:10,031 --> 00:25:13,917
really just postponing the inevitable. We will prevail,
477
00:25:13,952 --> 00:25:17,151
and since I know you're anxious to get home and rake your shag carpet,
478
00:25:17,186 --> 00:25:19,570
why don't you just let this one go?
479
00:25:19,605 --> 00:25:21,898
Well, mostly because I'm mad.
480
00:25:21,933 --> 00:25:24,609
And for Adele's sake, I'm willing to stay in this for the long haul.
481
00:25:24,644 --> 00:25:27,263
I'll hire my own high priced attorneys at $500 an hour.
482
00:25:27,298 --> 00:25:29,883
And you know where that money comes from, don't you?
483
00:25:29,918 --> 00:25:31,461
Adele's bank account.
484
00:25:31,496 --> 00:25:35,212
That's what it's there for... To insure the well being of my client.
485
00:25:35,247 --> 00:25:41,895
But don't worry, I'll eventually stop battling you once all the money's run out.
486
00:25:55,094 --> 00:26:00,417
Professor Cabot, don't you intend, eventually, to donate this collection,
487
00:26:00,452 --> 00:26:05,741
including the hysteria machine to a museum, a place where everyone could...
488
00:26:05,776 --> 00:26:07,198
get some pleasure from it?
489
00:26:07,233 --> 00:26:09,749
Objection, your Honor. Leading the witness.
490
00:26:09,784 --> 00:26:12,230
Sustained. The witness will not answer.
491
00:26:12,265 --> 00:26:16,234
But I got the point anyway. Please take a seat.
492
00:26:16,269 --> 00:26:21,707
It seems to me that professor Clifford Cabot's motivation for wanting the machine
493
00:26:21,742 --> 00:26:27,213
would serve a greater good than your more... localized motivations.
494
00:26:27,248 --> 00:26:32,650
I'm inclined to award the machine to professor Clifford Cabot.
495
00:26:32,685 --> 00:26:37,082
Bring it and an inventory of the rest of the collection into court this afternoon,
496
00:26:37,117 --> 00:26:40,069
and then I'll decide who gets what.
497
00:26:47,985 --> 00:26:51,869
Alan... He's selling her house.
498
00:26:57,078 --> 00:26:58,849
That's my living room,
499
00:26:58,884 --> 00:27:01,393
my son Jonathan's bedroom,
500
00:27:01,428 --> 00:27:03,868
my kitchen, my bathroom.
501
00:27:03,903 --> 00:27:08,931
My house is a "Charming 3- bedroom with potential. "
502
00:27:08,966 --> 00:27:09,964
What's going on?
503
00:27:09,999 --> 00:27:12,611
Mr. Wharton is even more rancid than I had imagined.
504
00:27:12,646 --> 00:27:15,381
He's attempting to sell Adele's home.
505
00:27:15,416 --> 00:27:18,348
Apparently, this isn't the first time Mr. Wharton has done this.
506
00:27:18,383 --> 00:27:23,261
According to a title search, he has sold 11 houses belonging to his wards.
507
00:27:23,296 --> 00:27:25,987
And get this, the house he's living in right now
508
00:27:26,022 --> 00:27:28,839
belonged to another one of his wards who happened to
509
00:27:28,874 --> 00:27:31,462
pass away in her sleep.
510
00:27:31,497 --> 00:27:33,776
This man is pure evil.
511
00:27:33,811 --> 00:27:38,824
Alan, you have gotta get that creative brain of yours to work and stop him.
512
00:27:38,859 --> 00:27:40,389
Yes, I do.
513
00:27:43,741 --> 00:27:44,376
Stolen?
514
00:27:44,411 --> 00:27:45,555
Right out of her car.
515
00:27:45,556 --> 00:27:46,383
Oh, no.
516
00:27:46,418 --> 00:27:47,325
It's all she had.
517
00:27:47,326 --> 00:27:48,991
Please, this is ludicrous.
518
00:27:49,026 --> 00:27:52,495
I mean, obviously Mrs. Cabot doesn't want to surrender the hysteria machine,
519
00:27:52,530 --> 00:27:55,496
and she's hiding it fromher husband for her own personal reasons.
520
00:27:55,531 --> 00:27:56,997
That's a shocking accusation.
521
00:27:57,032 --> 00:27:59,087
You know, you're right. You don't play fair.
522
00:27:59,122 --> 00:28:00,414
What can I say?
523
00:28:00,449 --> 00:28:03,758
Your Honor, my client recognizes that the news is causing distress
524
00:28:03,793 --> 00:28:07,748
to professor Cabot, and is therefore willing to pay her half of the appraised value.
525
00:28:07,783 --> 00:28:12,348
Nonsense. the item is question was in Mrs. Cabot's care and control.
526
00:28:12,383 --> 00:28:17,710
Clearly, this machine is a precious item... to him.
527
00:28:17,745 --> 00:28:21,621
I am therefore ordering you pay the full cost of the machine,
528
00:28:21,656 --> 00:28:24,345
plus punitive damages I will determine at a later date.
529
00:28:24,380 --> 00:28:27,910
Your Honor, this is unacceptable. Obviously, she still has the machine.
530
00:28:27,945 --> 00:28:30,759
If it turns up, we will address the matter later.
531
00:28:30,794 --> 00:28:34,203
But until such time, this ruling stands.
532
00:28:34,424 --> 00:28:35,398
You lying bitch.
533
00:28:35,433 --> 00:28:36,373
Don't threaten me.
534
00:28:36,374 --> 00:28:37,309
You think this is over?
535
00:28:37,344 --> 00:28:38,025
The judge ruled.
536
00:28:38,026 --> 00:28:38,660
It's not over.
537
00:28:38,695 --> 00:28:39,917
People!
538
00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:43,455
Clifford, we need to push forward with this.
539
00:28:43,490 --> 00:28:45,381
If the hysteria machine was stolen,
540
00:28:45,416 --> 00:28:48,141
you need to take the necessary and appropriate action.
541
00:28:48,176 --> 00:28:51,298
And as co-owner, you will file a police report,
542
00:28:51,333 --> 00:28:54,285
and you will file a claim with your insurance company.
543
00:28:54,320 --> 00:28:56,996
There'll be an investigation. You'll have to open up your house.
544
00:28:57,031 --> 00:28:59,662
If you give a false statement to the police
545
00:28:59,697 --> 00:29:02,258
or, worse these days, the insurance company,
546
00:29:02,293 --> 00:29:05,454
you'll be charged with fraud and prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
547
00:29:05,489 --> 00:29:08,616
And from my experiences, the DA's office takes these crimes seriously
548
00:29:08,651 --> 00:29:10,416
and often pushes for jail time,
549
00:29:10,451 --> 00:29:13,263
where you'll be able to do lots of women's studies.
550
00:29:13,298 --> 00:29:15,121
Shirley.
551
00:29:15,156 --> 00:29:17,505
Now, that's not nice.
552
00:29:17,540 --> 00:29:19,553
Are we being nice now?
553
00:29:30,965 --> 00:29:33,131
This is for $4,000, Bob.
554
00:29:33,166 --> 00:29:38,547
A provost is a high-ranking officer commonly found at what type of institution?
555
00:29:38,582 --> 00:29:42,548
Museum..., hospital, university, bank.
556
00:29:42,583 --> 00:29:44,901
It's university, you idiot.
557
00:29:44,936 --> 00:29:46,291
University.
558
00:29:46,549 --> 00:29:47,484
Final Answer?
559
00:29:47,519 --> 00:29:48,420
Final.
560
00:29:48,904 --> 00:29:51,538
Yes, sir. You got it again, Bob.
561
00:29:57,406 --> 00:30:00,349
Help! Help!
562
00:30:00,384 --> 00:30:03,164
Oh, God! Oh, God!
563
00:30:03,199 --> 00:30:07,587
Help! Help!
564
00:30:18,537 --> 00:30:21,890
Yoo-hoo, anybody home?
565
00:30:23,721 --> 00:30:25,445
Mr. Wharton.
566
00:30:28,219 --> 00:30:30,536
Oh, my goodness.
567
00:30:30,571 --> 00:30:32,819
This is dreadful.
568
00:30:32,854 --> 00:30:36,482
Look at you. You've been assaulted and robbed.
569
00:30:36,517 --> 00:30:38,448
Oh, the world we live in.
570
00:30:38,483 --> 00:30:42,200
Who on earth would do something such as this?
571
00:30:44,367 --> 00:30:46,922
Oh, of course. You can't speak.
572
00:30:46,957 --> 00:30:49,477
I'll get you a pad and a pencil.
573
00:30:49,762 --> 00:30:52,550
No, that's no good. Your hands are tied. My God.
574
00:30:52,585 --> 00:30:57,051
You must have been left here for what, over an hour?
575
00:30:57,086 --> 00:31:01,517
It must feel awful to be left alone and vulnerable.
576
00:31:02,345 --> 00:31:07,689
Well, apparently, they made off with nothing more than some dingy old file boxes,
577
00:31:07,724 --> 00:31:10,191
which could only contain records, I would imagine.
578
00:31:10,226 --> 00:31:11,469
How stupid are they?
579
00:31:11,504 --> 00:31:13,737
I mean, what could they possibly hope to get for that?
580
00:31:13,772 --> 00:31:16,442
Anyway, I'm glad it's over.
581
00:31:16,816 --> 00:31:19,858
Let's just pray it never happens again
582
00:31:19,893 --> 00:31:24,685
and again and... again. Oh.
583
00:31:24,720 --> 00:31:29,037
Also, obviously, you're in no shape to handle your court appointed duties,
584
00:31:29,072 --> 00:31:31,325
particularly with regard to Adele. Not to worry.
585
00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:38,691
I just happen to have with me that... release form from the other day.
586
00:31:38,726 --> 00:31:44,006
Now maybe there's just enough give here...
587
00:31:44,687 --> 00:31:47,673
to let you sign it.
588
00:31:47,708 --> 00:31:51,423
There's that. Here you go.
589
00:31:52,867 --> 00:31:55,438
Wonderful.
590
00:31:57,287 --> 00:32:03,199
You know, now that this experience has brought us closer,
591
00:32:03,234 --> 00:32:06,103
I feel I can say this.
592
00:32:06,512 --> 00:32:10,118
Sometimes these events are just what one needs
593
00:32:10,153 --> 00:32:12,595
to shake things up a bit, make a change.
594
00:32:12,630 --> 00:32:16,488
New job, new direction, new ideas... just a thought.
595
00:32:16,523 --> 00:32:20,346
I'm thinking now would be a perfect time to start.
596
00:32:21,450 --> 00:32:23,768
Yes, well, this is much better already.
597
00:32:23,803 --> 00:32:27,235
I feel that foreboding sense of danger fading.
598
00:32:27,270 --> 00:32:30,632
Still, best to stay alert, on the right path.
599
00:32:30,667 --> 00:32:33,974
Because you never know when this kind of thing might happen again.
600
00:32:34,009 --> 00:32:36,865
You only know that it will.
601
00:32:53,252 --> 00:32:54,634
Hey.
602
00:32:55,895 --> 00:32:57,965
Hey, hey.
603
00:33:03,265 --> 00:33:06,125
You didn't actually file a police report?
604
00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:08,684
And an insurance claim.
605
00:33:10,186 --> 00:33:11,844
Shirley...
606
00:33:12,325 --> 00:33:17,181
If, God forbid, the guy who stole this feels remorse and returns it to my client,
607
00:33:17,216 --> 00:33:19,120
she could end up going to jail.
608
00:33:19,155 --> 00:33:23,698
It's a tribute to the risks one is willing to take for some momentary pleasure.
609
00:33:23,733 --> 00:33:26,573
Which proves my point, by the way.
610
00:33:26,608 --> 00:33:29,651
It's not just me, it's all of us.
611
00:33:29,686 --> 00:33:32,659
We are all merely sexual animals.
612
00:33:32,694 --> 00:33:36,892
And Shirley, as crude as you might think me at times,
613
00:33:36,927 --> 00:33:41,090
at least I put myself out there and act on my instincts.
614
00:33:41,125 --> 00:33:43,499
You must at least admire me for that.
615
00:33:43,534 --> 00:33:46,099
I more than admire you, Ivan, and you know it.
616
00:33:46,134 --> 00:33:48,630
You have a wife who adores you and who you love...
617
00:33:48,665 --> 00:33:52,278
probably more than you're willing to admit... and for her sake,
618
00:33:52,313 --> 00:33:58,013
if not more importantly for you own, you need to grow up.
619
00:34:04,938 --> 00:34:06,924
I love you, Shirley.
620
00:34:10,841 --> 00:34:13,210
I love you, too.
621
00:34:31,583 --> 00:34:32,611
Sam.
622
00:34:33,012 --> 00:34:34,389
Denny Crane.
623
00:34:34,424 --> 00:34:35,958
Good to see you.
624
00:34:35,993 --> 00:34:37,457
Oh, look at you.
625
00:34:37,492 --> 00:34:38,222
How's Evenly?
626
00:34:38,257 --> 00:34:38,952
She's well.
627
00:34:38,953 --> 00:34:41,081
She's very well. Thanks for asking.
628
00:34:41,116 --> 00:34:43,175
How is the fishing going this season?
629
00:34:43,210 --> 00:34:44,848
In the water or in the bedroom?
630
00:34:49,012 --> 00:34:52,846
Well... what can we do for you?
631
00:34:52,881 --> 00:34:54,796
Shouldn't we wait for Paul Lewiston?
632
00:34:54,831 --> 00:34:58,027
Paul's... dialing things back a little right now.
633
00:34:58,062 --> 00:35:00,492
Oh, well...
634
00:35:00,527 --> 00:35:03,981
I'm considering divesting from some of my Hong Kong subsidiaries...
635
00:35:04,016 --> 00:35:04,458
Really?
636
00:35:04,493 --> 00:35:07,274
And, uh... I'm sorry.
637
00:35:07,275 --> 00:35:08,932
Is Paul leaving the firm?
638
00:35:08,967 --> 00:35:11,434
It's unclear. But the point is,
639
00:35:11,469 --> 00:35:15,011
I'm your point man. Always have been.
640
00:35:15,579 --> 00:35:17,546
Denny, we've known each other long time,
641
00:35:17,581 --> 00:35:20,930
so I don't take any pleasure in being this blunt,
642
00:35:20,965 --> 00:35:24,279
but I love having a drink with you, schmoozing.
643
00:35:24,314 --> 00:35:25,718
Right.
644
00:35:25,753 --> 00:35:28,214
Paul's the one I deal with.
645
00:35:28,249 --> 00:35:33,387
I mean, he's the expert in Asian markets, and you...
646
00:35:33,861 --> 00:35:35,799
Well...
647
00:35:47,825 --> 00:35:49,468
This is for you.
648
00:35:51,045 --> 00:35:52,187
What is it?
649
00:35:52,222 --> 00:35:53,330
Open it.
650
00:36:00,719 --> 00:36:01,068
Denny...
651
00:36:01,103 --> 00:36:05,702
Just a simple "Thank you, Oh, kind and benevolent leader" will suffice.
652
00:36:07,227 --> 00:36:09,692
I can't accept this.
653
00:36:09,727 --> 00:36:11,987
I thought it was what you always wanted.
654
00:36:12,022 --> 00:36:15,407
I'm sure it's what you thought I always wanted.
655
00:36:15,442 --> 00:36:18,195
You trying to play hardball with me, Paul?
656
00:36:18,935 --> 00:36:23,459
Don't tell me this whole thing is simply a matter of respect?
657
00:36:24,127 --> 00:36:25,856
Good God, it is.
658
00:36:25,891 --> 00:36:31,043
My mind and my priorities are exactly where they should be right now.
659
00:36:31,078 --> 00:36:36,196
When Rachel gets out, I will be back here full-time, or maybe I won't.
660
00:36:36,231 --> 00:36:39,237
In the meantime, it will give you the opportunity
661
00:36:39,272 --> 00:36:44,742
to actually think about things for a change.
662
00:36:46,513 --> 00:36:48,965
God bless us. We found it.
663
00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:51,539
The antique, steam-powered woman-pleasing machine
664
00:36:51,574 --> 00:36:53,933
is always in the last place you look.
665
00:36:53,968 --> 00:36:55,078
You bet.
666
00:36:55,079 --> 00:36:57,884
Now my client is more than thrilled to return it
667
00:36:57,919 --> 00:37:00,373
and just ask for visitation right.
668
00:37:00,408 --> 00:37:02,792
However, she cannot do that from jail,
669
00:37:02,827 --> 00:37:07,051
and so she requests that the police and insurance claims be withdrawn.
670
00:37:07,086 --> 00:37:11,276
Done. I just want to check to make sure it's the original machine.
671
00:37:11,311 --> 00:37:12,981
You don't trust me.
672
00:37:14,278 --> 00:37:16,554
Not a bad idea.
673
00:37:38,718 --> 00:37:41,304
I left my wife, Shirley.
674
00:37:43,530 --> 00:37:45,652
Did you?
675
00:37:45,687 --> 00:37:48,004
About an hour ago.
676
00:37:56,238 --> 00:37:58,734
So what do you think?
677
00:38:00,051 --> 00:38:03,666
To be honest, I'm a little afraid to think.
678
00:38:04,531 --> 00:38:07,417
Well, no need then.
679
00:38:07,452 --> 00:38:11,593
However, you know me. I do have a question.
680
00:38:11,999 --> 00:38:14,470
And what would that be?
681
00:38:17,100 --> 00:38:21,097
Would you like to see my attachments?
682
00:38:42,117 --> 00:38:44,196
Denny... You're here late.
683
00:38:44,231 --> 00:38:45,905
I run the place.
684
00:38:46,286 --> 00:38:47,718
So...
685
00:38:48,450 --> 00:38:50,275
You and Shirley...
686
00:38:51,507 --> 00:38:54,170
that gives us something in common.
687
00:38:54,205 --> 00:38:55,714
A hell of a woman.
688
00:38:55,749 --> 00:38:57,908
We have something else in common.
689
00:38:57,943 --> 00:38:59,677
What's that?
690
00:39:00,021 --> 00:39:01,582
We're both...
691
00:39:01,617 --> 00:39:06,028
leading men. We're like stars in our own show.
692
00:39:06,063 --> 00:39:09,360
Only the star doesn't have only one leading lady.
693
00:39:09,395 --> 00:39:12,210
Oh, sure, sometimes, at the end of an episode,
694
00:39:12,245 --> 00:39:14,991
it looks like he's settling down with someone,
695
00:39:15,026 --> 00:39:17,603
but the next week, she's not there. It's somebody else.
696
00:39:17,638 --> 00:39:21,241
It's a way of holding up viewer interest.
697
00:39:21,276 --> 00:39:23,445
You're a strange man, Denny.
698
00:39:23,973 --> 00:39:26,659
Strange leading man.
699
00:39:29,789 --> 00:39:33,093
You're not gonna hurt her, Ivan.
700
00:39:53,024 --> 00:39:55,316
So whose ass did you have kicked?
701
00:39:57,878 --> 00:40:01,040
Someone whose ass thoroughly deserved it.
702
00:40:01,075 --> 00:40:02,457
Good.
703
00:40:02,492 --> 00:40:05,619
I can never understand why people don't use violence
704
00:40:05,654 --> 00:40:08,747
more often to solve their problems. Works every time.
705
00:40:08,782 --> 00:40:11,474
Actually, I'm quite disturbed by it.
706
00:40:11,509 --> 00:40:16,273
I had a real appetite for Mr. Wharton's fear and suffering.
707
00:40:16,308 --> 00:40:18,045
Is that unusual?
708
00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:19,782
For me? Not at all.
709
00:40:20,252 --> 00:40:24,252
What was unusual was how swiftly I acted on my carvings.
710
00:40:24,287 --> 00:40:26,344
It was an emergency. What else could you do?
711
00:40:26,379 --> 00:40:28,280
Something more clever.
712
00:40:31,832 --> 00:40:34,696
Equally disturbing was how easy it all was...
713
00:40:34,731 --> 00:40:36,896
a quick fix which required very little thought on my part.
714
00:40:36,931 --> 00:40:39,134
Just a phone call.
715
00:40:42,576 --> 00:40:45,244
I wonder what I'm turning into.
716
00:40:45,279 --> 00:40:47,258
Denny Crane.
717
00:40:49,616 --> 00:40:53,663
I think I'm still a long ways away from that.
718
00:40:54,508 --> 00:40:56,149
Don't you worry.
719
00:40:56,692 --> 00:40:58,614
You'll get there.
56360
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