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1
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CLOCKS TICKING
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00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:26,640
SHE SIGHS
3
00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:29,719
TRACTOR ENGINE OUTSIDE
4
00:00:38,439 --> 00:00:40,080
More toast.
Yummy!
5
00:00:41,855 --> 00:00:44,415
Got some of that.
Pass us that, Prim.
6
00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:45,760
VEHICLE HORN BEEPS
7
00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:46,959
Hm. That'll be Pop.
8
00:00:48,767 --> 00:00:51,207
Quick, eat his bacon.
9
00:00:51,239 --> 00:00:53,959
Why did he go out so early?
Cos he's like a blue-arsed fly.
10
00:00:53,999 --> 00:00:56,599
Hm. He works long hours, doesn't he?
Mm-hm.
11
00:00:56,639 --> 00:00:58,800
I've told him he needs to slow down.
12
00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:01,040
Maybe I should write it on the barn
in big letters,
13
00:01:01,080 --> 00:01:03,080
cos it's not getting through.
14
00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:04,840
WHISTLING,
DOOR OPENS
15
00:01:04,879 --> 00:01:07,040
Hello, loves.
Have I got a treat for you.
16
00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:09,999
Is it a deep freeze?!
No. More entertaining.
17
00:01:12,519 --> 00:01:14,680
What, another telly?! What for?
18
00:01:14,719 --> 00:01:17,519
Two channels, two tellies.
19
00:01:17,559 --> 00:01:21,240
In case our lodger wants to watch
something a bit more highfalutin.
20
00:01:21,279 --> 00:01:23,159
Charley's not a lodger.
You don't pay rent.
21
00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:25,359
Yes, well, about that,
I've been meaning... Ah-ah.
22
00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:26,799
Wouldn't dream of it.
23
00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:29,200
You're our guest. You are kipping
in the spare bathroom.
24
00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:31,519
Yeah, well, you know,
I have simple needs.
25
00:01:31,559 --> 00:01:33,799
All right, my cabbage?
26
00:01:35,439 --> 00:01:36,999
She thinks you're overdoing it.
27
00:01:37,040 --> 00:01:39,840
To quote Aristotle,
"It is better to rise from work
28
00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:42,359
"as from a banquet -
neither thirsty nor..."
29
00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:45,159
"..drunken."
30
00:01:56,120 --> 00:01:58,359
SHE CHUCKLES
31
00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:00,359
SHE SIGHS
32
00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:02,559
Aren't they lovely, Charley?
Yes.
33
00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:06,359
Is it safe to be this close?
To me or the horse?
34
00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:10,600
The horse. I mean, don't they kick?
Well, only if they don't like you.
35
00:02:10,639 --> 00:02:12,960
How do you know if they don't
like you? They give you a kick.
36
00:02:12,999 --> 00:02:13,999
Hm.
37
00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:16,399
Don't you get many horses in Catford?
38
00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:18,560
No, not in the tax office.
39
00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:21,959
Ooh, though someone did once
dump fertiliser in reception.
40
00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:23,000
THEY LAUGH
41
00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:24,320
Fertiliser?
Mm.
42
00:02:24,359 --> 00:02:26,079
Oh, bless you, how BBC.
43
00:02:26,119 --> 00:02:27,880
What do you call it?
44
00:02:27,919 --> 00:02:30,799
Well, dung, if we're feeling posh.
45
00:02:30,839 --> 00:02:33,839
Hang around here long enough
and you'll ride like a pro.
46
00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:36,440
We Larkins are outdoor people.
You should try it.
47
00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:40,320
Er, I-I'd love to,
but I have to go back eventually.
48
00:02:40,359 --> 00:02:42,720
Any more time off
and I'll need a doctor's note.
49
00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:44,919
So get one.
I'm not ill.
50
00:02:44,959 --> 00:02:46,320
So you pretend to be.
51
00:02:46,359 --> 00:02:49,320
If that doesn't work,
you slip the doc half a roast pig.
52
00:02:49,359 --> 00:02:51,239
Eh?
53
00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:21,280
Hello, dear. Ooh, what bold wool.
54
00:03:21,320 --> 00:03:24,320
Isn't it? I'm finishing a swimsuit.
55
00:03:24,359 --> 00:03:27,239
Me and the kids always go for a dip
in the river this time of year.
56
00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:30,160
Does Mr Larkin join you
in his little trunks? No.
57
00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:31,919
But this time, I'm gonna make him,
58
00:03:31,959 --> 00:03:33,799
even if I have to pull him
off his tractor.
59
00:03:33,839 --> 00:03:35,959
Oh, does he not take to water?
60
00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:38,160
In my youth,
I used to love a bracing plunge
61
00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:39,359
into the sea in Margate.
62
00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:44,679
Wilf, I am doing that,
but it is not helping.
63
00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:46,320
That's what I've been doing...
64
00:03:46,359 --> 00:03:49,040
Pack up your daft sun hat,
we're going...
65
00:03:49,079 --> 00:03:52,399
No, Wilf, I cannot get a good picture.
66
00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:54,919
This is my patient but gritty face.
67
00:03:54,959 --> 00:03:56,320
'It's your aerial, innit?'
68
00:03:56,359 --> 00:04:00,399
Double telly needs twice the welly,
as we say in the TV antenna game.
69
00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:03,280
Yeah, but you didn't tell me that
this morning, did you?
70
00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:05,799
I'll sell you a massive aerial,
lovely job.
71
00:04:05,839 --> 00:04:07,839
If the wind's right,
you'll get French TV.
72
00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:09,560
I don't want to hear about France,
Wilf,
73
00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:11,839
because my Mariette reckons
that's where she's off to.
74
00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:14,480
Yeah, stuff of nonsense,
isn't it, overseas, eh?
75
00:04:14,519 --> 00:04:17,480
Eh? Look, I'll come round
and get the aerial. All right?
76
00:04:17,519 --> 00:04:19,959
Just...
'It's in the warehouse, '
77
00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:23,200
I'll bring it over this evening.
'Oh, you do that, Wilf.'
78
00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:27,440
And one of the brighter
Larkin children will handle it. Bye.
79
00:04:27,479 --> 00:04:31,479
Ma... I am taking you away
for the weekend. Now.
80
00:04:31,519 --> 00:04:33,760
Just you and me.
Now, the weekend's gonna be tricky.
81
00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:36,760
Why?
Well, because...
82
00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:38,440
I prefer being here.
83
00:04:38,479 --> 00:04:42,519
Well, I have been knitting this.
84
00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:44,200
Oh.
And I'm gonna use it.
85
00:04:46,039 --> 00:04:48,800
Nope, you're gonna have to help
me out. It's a swimming costume!
86
00:04:48,839 --> 00:04:51,240
We are going to a hotel
at the seaside,
87
00:04:51,279 --> 00:04:53,800
and you're gonna be riding me
instead of a muck spreader.
88
00:04:53,839 --> 00:04:55,479
Oh, that's not what you want to hear.
89
00:04:55,519 --> 00:04:57,719
MA CHUCKLES
90
00:04:57,760 --> 00:04:59,120
Oh, enough of all that.
91
00:04:59,159 --> 00:05:01,360
Come on, we've got bags to pack!
92
00:05:01,399 --> 00:05:06,039
I wanna see your pasty legs dangling
out of some shorts before sunset!
93
00:05:07,279 --> 00:05:09,519
INDISTINCT CHATTER
94
00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:11,159
Oh, listen, listen.
95
00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:13,360
Is that a woodpecker?
96
00:05:13,399 --> 00:05:14,839
SHE CHUCKLES Yes.
97
00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:16,039
WOODPECKER DRUMMING
98
00:05:16,079 --> 00:05:17,920
That is amazing!
99
00:05:17,959 --> 00:05:20,360
I don't think I've ever
really heard one before.
100
00:05:20,399 --> 00:05:21,800
Wow.
101
00:05:21,839 --> 00:05:23,719
You're gonna miss this place,
aren't you?
102
00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:25,479
Yeah.
103
00:05:25,519 --> 00:05:27,519
Yeah, I will.
104
00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:30,240
I've never been anywhere like it.
105
00:05:30,279 --> 00:05:33,159
I mean, it's funny how quickly
you can get used to the feeling.
106
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:36,000
What feeling?
Just happiness.
107
00:05:36,039 --> 00:05:39,039
It almost feels normal now.
108
00:05:39,079 --> 00:05:42,039
Yeah, I've had my shoulders
up by my ears for so long.
109
00:05:42,079 --> 00:05:43,079
Suits you, too.
110
00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:44,920
ENGINE REVVING
111
00:05:46,599 --> 00:05:48,599
Morning, Mariette.
Hello, Tom.
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00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:50,839
Morning.
113
00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:54,240
Am I interrupting anything?
114
00:05:54,279 --> 00:05:56,039
No. No.
115
00:05:56,079 --> 00:05:57,639
May I take you out for dinner tonight?
116
00:05:57,680 --> 00:06:00,000
Oh, sorry, I can't, I'm afraid.
117
00:06:00,039 --> 00:06:02,240
My turn to cook. Chops. Ha.
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HE CHUCKLES
119
00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:07,440
I'm thinking lashings
of sophisticated chat,
120
00:06:07,479 --> 00:06:10,719
candles - lit -
and enough fine wine to drown a cat.
121
00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:13,920
Erm, all right.
Excellent decision.
122
00:06:13,959 --> 00:06:16,760
I'll pick you up about eight.
Cheerio.
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REVS ENGINE
124
00:06:24,880 --> 00:06:28,079
You know what, I will see
that doctor about a sick note.
125
00:06:28,120 --> 00:06:29,279
Mm.
Why rush off?
126
00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:31,719
Well, good job, too.
Ma's already called him.
127
00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:33,920
Wait, what?
128
00:06:33,959 --> 00:06:35,680
Ma, what about the nippers?
129
00:06:35,719 --> 00:06:38,120
Nippers? Look at the size of them,
they'll be fine.
130
00:06:38,159 --> 00:06:39,360
We're more worried about you.
131
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:40,880
You're not used to going on journeys.
132
00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:44,120
We're going away for one weekend
to Margate in Kent, not Kentucky.
133
00:06:44,159 --> 00:06:46,880
But, look, Ma,
we've got everything we need here.
134
00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:47,959
Ain't we, kids?
Yeah.
135
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:50,839
Yes, exactly. Name me one thing you
haven't got and I'll get it for you.
136
00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:53,240
A change of scenery. Bags in car.
137
00:06:54,639 --> 00:06:56,360
Where are you going?
Kentucky.
138
00:06:56,399 --> 00:06:58,959
Goodness.
No, Kent.
139
00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:01,360
Aren't we there already?
'Ey, see.
140
00:07:01,399 --> 00:07:02,959
What is the point?
141
00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:05,440
Margate, I've booked us a hotel.
142
00:07:05,479 --> 00:07:07,639
Be nice to sleep in sheets
I haven't bought, washed,
143
00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:10,000
dried, ironed, mended,
and occasionally dribbled on.
144
00:07:10,039 --> 00:07:12,599
Me and Charley are here,
we'll look after things.
145
00:07:12,639 --> 00:07:15,159
Exactly. Pop, you said yourself
you'd rarely seen
146
00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:17,120
a safer pair of hands than Charley's.
147
00:07:17,159 --> 00:07:20,440
Softer. Softer pair of hands.
Look, we've got a farm to run,
148
00:07:20,479 --> 00:07:22,200
Wilf is coming round
to fix the aerial,
149
00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:24,399
and when he's not being sly,
he's being greedy, right?
150
00:07:24,440 --> 00:07:26,599
I can handle him.
Good.
151
00:07:26,639 --> 00:07:29,279
Charley and Mariette
are Ma and Pop for the weekend.
152
00:07:29,320 --> 00:07:31,000
Which one's which?
Oi!
153
00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:34,639
A few child management tips.
154
00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:37,479
Let 'em breathe, but don't let them
get away with murder.
155
00:07:37,519 --> 00:07:40,479
Not too much TV. They're far
too keen on it for my liking.
156
00:07:40,519 --> 00:07:42,320
Nothing wrong with a bit of telly.
157
00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:45,479
Make 'em read a book.
Or learn them some maths.
158
00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:48,479
They're not the strongest,
159
00:07:48,519 --> 00:07:51,039
except for Primrose,
who's too clever by half.
160
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:01,360
HONKS HORN
161
00:08:01,399 --> 00:08:02,680
Bye!
Bye!
162
00:08:02,719 --> 00:08:03,760
Bye!
163
00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:13,680
Ooh! I'm not sure I can do this,
Mariette.
164
00:08:13,719 --> 00:08:15,320
I am a very poor liar.
165
00:08:15,360 --> 00:08:17,560
It's not lying, it's acting.
166
00:08:17,599 --> 00:08:18,959
CLEARS THROAT
167
00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:23,159
So, fella m'lad,
what appears to be the problem?
168
00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:24,800
It's my back.
169
00:08:24,839 --> 00:08:27,279
Go on.
It's, erm...
170
00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:33,000
Ooh, well, it's a, erm...
171
00:08:34,159 --> 00:08:36,680
..a huge let-down.
THEY ALL GROAN
172
00:08:36,719 --> 00:08:38,920
Why is he doing that with his mouth?
173
00:08:38,959 --> 00:08:41,119
I don't know. Why are you doing that
with your mouth?
174
00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:43,440
I don't know, it's really dry,
I don't know! What...?
175
00:08:43,479 --> 00:08:45,200
Pull yourself together, man.
176
00:08:45,239 --> 00:08:47,400
I'm not sure I can do this,
I don't think I can do this.
177
00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:50,359
He's here. Well, it's too late now,
you have to.
178
00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:52,160
What?
179
00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:54,320
Here you go, Ma.
180
00:08:54,359 --> 00:08:57,119
Oh, look at this! Look at this!
181
00:08:57,160 --> 00:08:58,640
HE CHUCKLES
182
00:08:59,759 --> 00:09:01,119
Yes.
183
00:09:07,079 --> 00:09:09,520
This is it, then. What do you think?
184
00:09:09,560 --> 00:09:12,119
I think you've packed
for a fortnight, not a weekend.
185
00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:14,800
What you got in these?
Oh, you know, change of shoes,
186
00:09:14,839 --> 00:09:17,239
sewing machine, just in case.
HE LAUGHS
187
00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:19,400
Welcome to the Margate Grand.
188
00:09:19,440 --> 00:09:22,239
Can I help you with your bags, sir?
Ladies first.
189
00:09:23,879 --> 00:09:26,200
Sorry, Duchess, didn't see you there.
190
00:09:26,239 --> 00:09:28,400
How do you know I'm a duchess?
Oh, he doesn't, love,
191
00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:31,040
it's just a term of endearment,
like duck. Pumpkin.
192
00:09:31,079 --> 00:09:32,079
Chuckles.
Cabbage.
193
00:09:32,119 --> 00:09:33,239
Treacle.
Cock.
194
00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:34,920
THEY LAUGH
195
00:09:34,959 --> 00:09:37,280
She'll loosen up, won't she?
Yeah!
196
00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:40,119
Same hotel as a real duchess,
though. Yep.
197
00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:41,640
Go on, girl.
198
00:09:51,239 --> 00:09:52,879
Could do with a lick of paint.
199
00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:57,239
Or they could go straight to a stick
of dynamite and a bulldozer.
200
00:09:58,359 --> 00:09:59,520
Oh.
201
00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:02,320
Oh, is this it?
312.
202
00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:06,200
Go on, Ma.
HE GRUNTS
203
00:10:06,239 --> 00:10:07,280
Oh.
204
00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:11,320
Cosy.
205
00:10:12,599 --> 00:10:15,040
HE STRAINS I thought you said...
206
00:10:15,079 --> 00:10:16,800
I thought you said it had a sea view.
207
00:10:16,839 --> 00:10:18,839
Oh. Ha.
208
00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:22,800
BED CREAKS It's awful, isn't it?
209
00:10:24,359 --> 00:10:26,759
Do you want to go home?
I'll understand if you do.
210
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,359
You do, don't you?
211
00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:31,160
Let's go home.
Ma.
212
00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:33,599
Are you kidding?
We're on our holidays.
213
00:10:33,640 --> 00:10:34,959
Let the fun commence.
214
00:10:34,999 --> 00:10:37,839
Come on. Ha-ha! Arm.
215
00:10:39,239 --> 00:10:40,599
Arse.
216
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,759
Ooh! I thank you.
217
00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:43,800
THEY LAUGH
218
00:10:43,839 --> 00:10:45,479
Go on, Ma. Go on.
Ooh-hoo!
219
00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:47,479
Go on!
THEY GIGGLE
220
00:10:53,680 --> 00:10:55,320
Hm... Can't feel anything.
221
00:10:55,359 --> 00:10:57,800
Montgomery, bring the doctor's
whiskey and soda, would you?
222
00:10:57,839 --> 00:10:59,359
No, no, I mustn't.
223
00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:01,560
Mrs Leagrave's got me
on a health kick.
224
00:11:01,599 --> 00:11:04,879
No booze, no meat, no jelly babies.
225
00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:06,759
Physician heal thyself.
226
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:09,479
So she's in charge, is she?
227
00:11:09,520 --> 00:11:11,359
Oh, go on, then.
228
00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:13,200
So, not much pain?
229
00:11:13,239 --> 00:11:15,160
Erm... Er...
230
00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:17,079
It comes and goes.
231
00:11:17,119 --> 00:11:20,200
He's being brave. Makes a change.
Nation of hypochondriacs.
232
00:11:20,239 --> 00:11:23,640
Everyone demanding pills. Whatever
happened to suffering in silence?
233
00:11:23,680 --> 00:11:26,160
So, will you give him a sick note?
No, he's not sick.
234
00:11:27,759 --> 00:11:30,320
Er, I... really do have an ache.
235
00:11:30,359 --> 00:11:32,680
These days, I often feel dizzy.
236
00:11:33,999 --> 00:11:36,879
Do you want this? Meat?
237
00:11:39,959 --> 00:11:43,040
Oh, all right. I'll give him a note.
238
00:11:43,079 --> 00:11:46,160
Keep out of draughts,
stay away from wet grass,
239
00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:48,920
and if he is staying here,
get him a real bed.
240
00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:52,719
Oh, come here, you little beauty.
241
00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:56,239
Yes. Mm!
242
00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:58,200
Mm. Thank you.
243
00:11:58,239 --> 00:11:59,599
Mm-hm-hm!
244
00:12:01,879 --> 00:12:04,560
SLOW PIANO MUSIC
245
00:12:04,599 --> 00:12:07,200
Got anything a bit more upbeat,
Mantovani?
246
00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:10,879
We'll have to make our own fun, Ma.
Champagne?
247
00:12:10,920 --> 00:12:12,239
Yes!
248
00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:13,959
Is there a do on?
249
00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:18,280
No. There's the Duchess. Not a face
you run towards, is it? No.
250
00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:19,879
Maybe it's a funeral.
251
00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:22,040
Yeah. Best I get two bottles, eh?
252
00:12:23,680 --> 00:12:26,479
It's hard to see
if I'm doing this right.
253
00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:27,520
KNOCKING AT DOOR
254
00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:31,479
All right, poppet?
Is Pop in? Aerial.
255
00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:34,160
No, he's off this weekend, but
he left me to deal with it and pay.
256
00:12:35,879 --> 00:12:37,160
Follow me.
257
00:12:42,879 --> 00:12:45,119
Oh. It's a big'un.
258
00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:46,440
Yeah, it's not cheap.
259
00:12:46,479 --> 00:12:49,040
It's a multi-element
switchable antenna
260
00:12:49,079 --> 00:12:52,839
with high impedance stacking bars.
As you can see, love.
261
00:12:52,879 --> 00:12:55,719
It's a bunch of metal rods, though,
isn't it? Basically.
262
00:12:57,359 --> 00:12:59,839
120 quid, installed.
263
00:12:59,879 --> 00:13:03,400
Oh, so you've jacked up the price,
haven't you? As it's me.
264
00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:05,959
No.
I asked around.
265
00:13:05,999 --> 00:13:08,320
60 quid cash, if it works,
266
00:13:08,359 --> 00:13:10,759
or 40 quid and we put it up ourselves.
267
00:13:16,999 --> 00:13:18,839
DOOR SLAMS,
ENGINE STARTS
268
00:13:42,239 --> 00:13:44,839
What do we have to do
to get a drink around here?
269
00:13:44,879 --> 00:13:46,400
I think you normally ask the barman.
270
00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:47,800
Right.
271
00:13:50,440 --> 00:13:51,999
Right, then.
272
00:13:53,719 --> 00:13:54,920
What can I get you, son?
273
00:13:54,959 --> 00:13:58,239
Oh, they wouldn't let me.
I'm not 18 yet.
274
00:13:58,280 --> 00:14:00,040
No? Oh, well.
275
00:14:00,079 --> 00:14:02,280
You just keep 'em busy,
I'll smuggle you a cider.
276
00:14:02,320 --> 00:14:03,599
Eh?
277
00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:07,359
Who died? Oh, that's not a funeral.
That's my wedding.
278
00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:09,400
Blimey.
279
00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:12,759
Kenneth, have you spoken
to your Uncle Tergel yet?
280
00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:15,520
No, I was gonna... Oh, stop
lurking here like an alcoholic
281
00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:18,640
and go and make a good impression.
He's got two houses.
282
00:14:22,719 --> 00:14:23,959
Hello, Duchess.
283
00:14:23,999 --> 00:14:26,160
What's your poison?
I don't understand.
284
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:27,839
Do you work here?
285
00:14:27,879 --> 00:14:30,160
No, no, but I'm always in service,
you know,
286
00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:32,640
when I spot a lady
in need of champagne.
287
00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:34,479
Is this man in your entourage?
288
00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:38,719
I don't believe he is.
I surmised he was in your entourage.
289
00:14:38,759 --> 00:14:41,920
Certainly not. No, of course not.
What was I thinking?
290
00:14:41,959 --> 00:14:43,040
Shall I solve the mystery,
291
00:14:43,079 --> 00:14:45,239
or do you want to keep this going
for a bit?
292
00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:49,239
Oh, you... you've got something
on your... on your faces.
293
00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:51,599
Yeah. There.
294
00:14:52,719 --> 00:14:55,320
That's it, well done.
Just toffee on your nose.
295
00:14:57,479 --> 00:14:58,920
HE LAUGHS
296
00:15:02,359 --> 00:15:04,040
Here, Ma.
297
00:15:05,759 --> 00:15:07,680
Guess what I found out?
It ain't a funeral.
298
00:15:07,719 --> 00:15:09,879
I know, it's a wedding,
and that lot have got a face on
299
00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:11,640
cos the couple are only kids,
bless 'em,
300
00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:13,440
and she's well and truly
in the pudding club,
301
00:15:13,479 --> 00:15:15,839
which has not gone down well,
cos you know who her mother is?
302
00:15:15,879 --> 00:15:18,160
The Duchess? The Duchess.
And she's spitting feathers
303
00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:20,359
because the girl's marrying
below her station,
304
00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:22,839
but his lot are well chuffed
because now he's set for life
305
00:15:22,879 --> 00:15:25,879
and off to join the family firm
in Hertfordshire.
306
00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:27,359
I think.
Blimey.
307
00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:29,160
They should have used you as a spy
in the war.
308
00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:31,839
How do you know they didn't?
HE LAUGHS
309
00:15:31,879 --> 00:15:34,800
Poor kids. Still, not a way
to start married life, is it?
310
00:15:34,839 --> 00:15:38,200
What you thinking?
More champagne.
311
00:15:38,239 --> 00:15:41,879
Maths, maths can actually have
a real beauty to it, girls.
312
00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:45,280
Just think of the figures as musical
notes, which, together, they can...
313
00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:46,440
Thanks!
314
00:15:46,479 --> 00:15:48,800
..symphony.
315
00:15:48,839 --> 00:15:51,200
We've saved 20 quid
putting that up ourselves.
316
00:15:51,239 --> 00:15:52,640
I'll give dad half,
317
00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:54,879
and then the rest will pay
for me to get to France.
318
00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:55,920
Mm-hm.
319
00:15:55,959 --> 00:15:58,119
Ooh! Children, this doesn't mean
320
00:15:58,160 --> 00:15:59,920
you're going to watch TV all weekend!
321
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,560
CAR APPROACHES
322
00:16:01,599 --> 00:16:03,520
Oh, God, is it time?
323
00:16:11,079 --> 00:16:13,839
Didn't realise you actually
live here now. Yeah.
324
00:16:13,879 --> 00:16:16,040
Mr and Mrs Larkin have gone away
for the weekend
325
00:16:16,079 --> 00:16:17,920
and have left me in loco parentis.
326
00:16:17,959 --> 00:16:21,040
Yeah. Massive responsibility.
327
00:16:21,079 --> 00:16:22,440
Good for you.
Hm.
328
00:16:22,479 --> 00:16:23,680
The nanny.
329
00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:28,239
And you're happy with that little
girl on the roof, are you?
330
00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:30,079
Yep, absolutely, I've...
331
00:16:32,320 --> 00:16:35,079
..checked it's, erm, safe up there.
332
00:16:35,119 --> 00:16:37,239
Excuse me. Er, Victoria!
333
00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:39,599
Victoria, could you possibly
get down off the roof now?
334
00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:42,599
Before you plummet to your death.
335
00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:48,640
Well, you look edible.
336
00:16:48,680 --> 00:16:49,920
I hope you're hungry.
337
00:16:49,959 --> 00:16:52,839
Famished. See you later, Charley.
338
00:16:55,239 --> 00:16:57,680
Wait, your coat. It's really cold.
Hold on.
339
00:16:57,719 --> 00:17:00,520
Oh, erm, it's not actually
that cold, so...
340
00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:02,520
Let's get going.
341
00:17:05,599 --> 00:17:06,599
STARTS ENGINE
342
00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:09,400
Mariette. Mariette, your...
343
00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:11,319
Hold tight.
344
00:17:11,360 --> 00:17:13,519
Ooh, seatbelts.
Sorry?
345
00:17:13,559 --> 00:17:14,840
Don't forget your seatbelts.
346
00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:18,559
It doesn't have any.
We're wild and free!
347
00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:20,759
Whoo!
Whoo!
348
00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:28,120
CHATTER AND LAUGHTER
349
00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:30,719
Enjoy. Cheers.
Don't drink it all at once.
350
00:17:30,759 --> 00:17:32,920
Top-up here.
Get you another few bottles.
351
00:17:32,959 --> 00:17:34,319
Cheers to you, an' all.
352
00:17:35,959 --> 00:17:37,160
Mr and Mrs Larkin.
353
00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:39,559
The bar manager tells me
I've got you to thank for all this.
354
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:40,600
Oh, no need.
355
00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:42,600
We over-ordered on the champagne,
didn't we, Ma?
356
00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:45,120
You lot are doing us a favour
by drinking it
357
00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:48,279
and not sitting there looking like
you're all about to top yourselves!
358
00:17:48,319 --> 00:17:51,519
Well, it's very much appreciated.
Where's the lucky lady?
359
00:17:51,559 --> 00:17:53,200
She's in her room.
Oh, yeah, course,
360
00:17:53,239 --> 00:17:55,799
it's bad luck to see the bride
before the old how's-your-father.
361
00:17:55,840 --> 00:17:58,840
Yeah, yeah. And she wasn't invited.
362
00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:01,959
I think we've now established that
you are not with the wedding party.
363
00:18:01,999 --> 00:18:04,799
Let's just say you bought
the wedding, we bought the party.
364
00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:07,519
No, no, this is a private function,
365
00:18:07,559 --> 00:18:10,719
so we must ask you
and your companion to leave.
366
00:18:10,759 --> 00:18:13,759
But they bought the champagne,
and they're nice... Kenneth.
367
00:18:13,799 --> 00:18:18,279
We didn't request your cheap fizz
or your participation.
368
00:18:18,319 --> 00:18:20,319
Ooh.
Don't throw her to the ground, Ma.
369
00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:22,799
SHE CLEARS HER THROAT
370
00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:25,519
POSH ACCENT: I think there has been
some kind of misunderstanding.
371
00:18:25,559 --> 00:18:27,959
Indeed. OWN ACCENT:
You think you're special.
372
00:18:27,999 --> 00:18:29,680
But we think you're a snobbish bully
373
00:18:29,719 --> 00:18:31,880
who wouldn't know fun
if sat on your face.
374
00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:35,600
Now, I am sorry you are upset
that your girl is up the duff!
375
00:18:35,640 --> 00:18:37,039
CHATTER STOPS,
GASPS
376
00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:40,080
Which I now realise
is not widely known.
377
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:42,279
Apologies.
378
00:18:42,319 --> 00:18:47,759
But a pregnant woman should
be celebrated, not hidden away.
379
00:18:47,799 --> 00:18:49,239
Good.
380
00:18:49,279 --> 00:18:50,840
Point made, Ma.
381
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:54,759
Now, excuse us, because there's
a beach with our name on it.
382
00:18:55,959 --> 00:18:57,360
Come on, Ma.
383
00:18:57,400 --> 00:18:59,360
Enjoy the champagne.
384
00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:14,559
FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING
385
00:19:16,519 --> 00:19:18,719
TV PLAYING
386
00:19:22,999 --> 00:19:24,160
SHE MOANS
387
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:26,959
What did you do that for?!
You know we were watching that?
388
00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:30,239
You can't spend all weekend
shut up in here watching television.
389
00:19:30,279 --> 00:19:32,239
It'll rot your brains.
Says who?
390
00:19:32,279 --> 00:19:34,440
Scientists.
Name 'em.
391
00:19:34,479 --> 00:19:35,559
Er...
392
00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:37,799
Look, tomorrow,
we'll play fun games outside.
393
00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:38,840
All right?
394
00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:41,759
Till then... read a book.
395
00:19:41,799 --> 00:19:44,360
Right, here's one for you, Victoria.
396
00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:46,200
Here's one for you.
Read it.
397
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:48,880
All right.
Read it.
398
00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:51,999
Read it twice.
399
00:19:52,039 --> 00:19:53,600
HE GROANS
400
00:19:57,239 --> 00:20:00,559
I think you're frustrated
cos Mariette's out with Tom.
401
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:02,600
Oh, do you, now?
402
00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:03,640
Hm?
403
00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:09,039
All right, we'll play a game.
Excellent!
404
00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:10,559
Thank you.
405
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:12,120
Snooker.
406
00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:14,360
And if we win,
we get to do whatever we want
407
00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:15,959
for the rest of the weekend.
Deal.
408
00:20:15,999 --> 00:20:20,440
And if I win,
you all have to do what I want.
409
00:20:20,479 --> 00:20:23,799
And I am rather good at snooker. Hm.
410
00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:25,200
So is Montgomery.
411
00:20:25,239 --> 00:20:26,719
Primrose, pass me the cue.
412
00:20:37,039 --> 00:20:38,840
Thank you.
413
00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:40,680
Table for Tom Fisher?
414
00:20:40,719 --> 00:20:42,039
Round the back.
415
00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:45,200
Your waitress'll be with you
in her own good time, I imagine.
416
00:20:48,239 --> 00:20:50,759
Aw.
Will it do?
417
00:20:50,799 --> 00:20:53,440
Oh, it's... It's perfect.
418
00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:57,120
Hello.
419
00:20:57,160 --> 00:20:59,479
SHE SIGHS Great.
420
00:20:59,519 --> 00:21:01,680
MA GIGGLES
421
00:21:03,319 --> 00:21:04,759
Unbelievable.
422
00:21:06,120 --> 00:21:07,880
SHE LAUGHS
423
00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:10,120
Mr and Mrs Larkin?
424
00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:11,479
Can I apologise?
425
00:21:11,519 --> 00:21:14,360
It's my big mouth
that should apologise, Kenny.
426
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:16,039
I never knew it was a secret.
427
00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:17,680
Well, it wouldn't be
if it was up to me.
428
00:21:17,719 --> 00:21:19,400
I wanna shout it from the rooftops.
429
00:21:19,440 --> 00:21:22,120
So your girl's parents think
you brought shame on the family?
430
00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:25,120
Yeah. And a wedding, like,
just seems... the least bad option?
431
00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:27,519
Yeah, but...
I mean, Xanthe's wonderful,
432
00:21:27,559 --> 00:21:28,999
and we'd probably do it anyway.
433
00:21:29,039 --> 00:21:30,999
Only, not like this,
434
00:21:31,039 --> 00:21:32,799
you know, feeling like
we'd shot someone.
435
00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:34,519
Take our motor.
436
00:21:36,319 --> 00:21:40,160
That's yours? Yep. Get that girl
of yours to the registry in style.
437
00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:41,360
Well, I can't drive.
438
00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:43,920
That's all right. I'll pick her up.
Ok, Ma?
439
00:21:43,959 --> 00:21:46,640
Course! Should be the happiest
day or your life, son,
440
00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:48,880
don't you let anyone
tell you otherwise.
441
00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:50,080
Thanks, Mr and Mrs Larkin.
442
00:21:50,120 --> 00:21:51,880
No, no. Pop and Ma, please.
443
00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:53,640
Go and enjoy
your last night of freedom
444
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:56,680
before you marry into that shower.
All due respect to your bride.
445
00:21:58,719 --> 00:22:00,400
SHE CHUCKLES
446
00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:07,400
Come on, Montgomery, humiliate him.
447
00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:11,640
CHARLEY CHUCKLES Unlucky.
448
00:22:11,680 --> 00:22:13,840
There's no such thing as bad luck,
Primrose.
449
00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:15,559
Just bad planning.
450
00:22:16,759 --> 00:22:19,799
As you will see
when I put the pink in the...
451
00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:21,600
LOUD QUACKING OUTSIDE
452
00:22:22,799 --> 00:22:25,360
That's an interesting strategy,
do talk us through it.
453
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:28,120
Wow, OK, well, that's not fair,
I was interfered with,
454
00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:29,640
surely I have to...
455
00:22:37,559 --> 00:22:39,360
ALL CHEERING Champion!
456
00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:41,160
Come on!
457
00:22:46,319 --> 00:22:48,600
HE SIGHS
OK.
458
00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:57,200
Right, I am never having children.
459
00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:08,239
SONG: 'Crazy Man Crazy'
460
00:23:08,279 --> 00:23:10,680
♪ Go, go, go, everybody
461
00:23:10,719 --> 00:23:13,799
♪ Go, go, go, everybody
462
00:23:13,840 --> 00:23:16,519
♪ Go, go, go, everybody
463
00:23:16,559 --> 00:23:21,160
♪ Go, go, go, go, go, go, go
464
00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:44,160
♪ Crazy, man, crazy
465
00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:47,120
♪ Crazy, man, crazy
466
00:23:48,479 --> 00:23:50,080
♪ Crazy, man, crazy
467
00:23:51,279 --> 00:23:53,759
♪ Man, that music's gone
468
00:23:53,799 --> 00:23:55,600
♪ I said crazy, man, crazy
469
00:23:57,559 --> 00:23:58,880
♪ Crazy, man, crazy
470
00:24:00,039 --> 00:24:01,799
♪ Crazy, man, crazy
471
00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:04,999
♪ Man, that music's gone
472
00:24:05,039 --> 00:24:08,519
♪ They play it soft
They play it strong
473
00:24:08,559 --> 00:24:11,400
♪ They play it wild
And they play it long... ♪
474
00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:14,279
Yep. Larkin Eau De Toilette.
475
00:24:14,319 --> 00:24:17,200
We literally got water
out of the toilet...
476
00:24:17,239 --> 00:24:19,039
Flushed, obviously, we're not animals.
477
00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:20,840
..put it in bottles and sold it.
478
00:24:20,880 --> 00:24:22,759
Ma made us pay back every penny.
479
00:24:22,799 --> 00:24:25,559
I always think, "Spray perfume
where you want to be kissed"
480
00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:27,120
was brilliant marketing.
481
00:24:27,160 --> 00:24:29,279
I was going through a pint a week.
482
00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:33,640
That was when me and Pauline
were best friends.
483
00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:35,200
Ah, the innocence of youth.
484
00:24:35,239 --> 00:24:37,039
Was that why you think
you need to leave?
485
00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:38,440
To be a grown-up?
486
00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:42,799
If you like. I need to see
what else is out there.
487
00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:44,719
You don't have to move away for that.
488
00:24:44,759 --> 00:24:47,479
Yeah. "Watch it on the telly,
sweetheart. Perfick."
489
00:24:48,479 --> 00:24:49,759
Oh, that's my dad.
490
00:24:49,799 --> 00:24:51,120
Oh. Right.
491
00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:53,279
Or you could go on holiday.
492
00:24:53,319 --> 00:24:55,559
I have been everywhere.
493
00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:58,680
You can broaden your horizons,
then return to Arcadia.
494
00:24:58,719 --> 00:25:00,680
Oh, yeah? What will I use for money?
495
00:25:00,719 --> 00:25:02,200
Earn it, in my new hotel.
496
00:25:03,479 --> 00:25:06,959
I'll be a very generous employer,
especially to you.
497
00:25:06,999 --> 00:25:10,279
Business is as beautiful as you
when it's done right.
498
00:25:10,319 --> 00:25:12,719
Oh, God, you're like
a silkier version of my dad.
499
00:25:12,759 --> 00:25:15,080
And like him, I've worked my way up.
500
00:25:15,120 --> 00:25:17,039
I've turned base metal into gold.
501
00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:18,719
Where do you get your confidence from?
502
00:25:18,759 --> 00:25:21,880
A wee shop in Ballystrudder.
I bought up all their stock.
503
00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:24,400
Oh, so you're a small town kid.
Yeah.
504
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:26,279
You and me are the same.
505
00:25:26,319 --> 00:25:30,680
Except you are very much a woman
and I am very much a man.
506
00:25:30,719 --> 00:25:35,440
And this is me very much saying
that I'd be a fabulous boyfriend.
507
00:25:37,120 --> 00:25:39,080
Should we pause our conversation?
508
00:25:39,120 --> 00:25:41,600
Oh, don't mind me.
509
00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:44,479
Even more wine, madame?
510
00:25:44,519 --> 00:25:46,680
Oh!
511
00:25:46,719 --> 00:25:48,519
Clumsy old me. So sorry.
512
00:25:48,559 --> 00:25:50,160
Like hell you are!
Oh, Mariette, don't.
513
00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:53,519
Don't tell me what to do! You did
that on purpose, you jealous harpy.
514
00:25:53,559 --> 00:25:57,080
Jealous of a desperate trollop
who leads men on for free dinner?
515
00:25:57,120 --> 00:25:58,200
How do you want your wine,
516
00:25:58,239 --> 00:26:00,559
in your stupid face
or down your second-rate bosom?!
517
00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:03,799
Mariette, if you're going to throw
wine, I'll bring the cheap stuff.
518
00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:05,680
Pauline, there's a barrel
needs changing.
519
00:26:05,719 --> 00:26:07,719
Sorry, Reg.
Yes, Reg.
520
00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:16,239
Dessert?
Shall we not?
521
00:26:16,279 --> 00:26:18,080
I'll get the bill.
Yep.
522
00:26:18,120 --> 00:26:21,680
Let's find a nice spot on the beach,
shall we, Pop? Yeah.
523
00:26:21,719 --> 00:26:23,840
We did get a sea view after all.
524
00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:25,999
Yeah, best table in town.
525
00:26:26,039 --> 00:26:28,640
Ma, I've just gotta say,
526
00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:31,279
I really love our little life,
our little home.
527
00:26:31,319 --> 00:26:34,039
I know, love.
I'm sorry for dragging us away.
528
00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:36,279
I don't know what I was thinking,
really. But...
529
00:26:36,319 --> 00:26:39,600
But I've also loved
spending this time with you.
530
00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:42,999
It just reminds me
how the whole thing started.
531
00:26:43,039 --> 00:26:46,239
Just the two of us. And we should
make more time for that.
532
00:26:46,279 --> 00:26:49,959
Are you trying to tell me
that you are enjoying your holiday?
533
00:26:49,999 --> 00:26:51,840
Let's book another.
534
00:26:51,880 --> 00:26:54,120
Some people are going to Spain
these days.
535
00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:56,799
Let's not go mad, Ma.
536
00:27:03,640 --> 00:27:07,840
This doesn't have to ruin our evening.
537
00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:09,559
Let's go dancing in Folkestone.
538
00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:11,080
Sorry, I'm not in the mood.
539
00:27:11,120 --> 00:27:13,920
If I'd have known
your nemesis worked in there,
540
00:27:13,959 --> 00:27:17,039
I'd have chosen a safer venue,
like a bomb factory.
541
00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:19,719
We'll laugh about it one day.
542
00:27:19,759 --> 00:27:23,319
Or... should we jump ahead
and laugh about it now?
543
00:27:23,360 --> 00:27:25,840
Night, Tom. I need to walk this off.
544
00:27:39,519 --> 00:27:41,799
Kids! Bed.
545
00:27:41,840 --> 00:27:43,200
A bet's a bet.
546
00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:50,799
Ooh, I... I should probably
just check if Mariette's OK.
547
00:28:13,360 --> 00:28:14,719
You're back.
548
00:28:16,759 --> 00:28:18,239
Just getting some air.
549
00:28:18,279 --> 00:28:19,319
Hmm.
550
00:28:20,360 --> 00:28:22,279
Ooh. What happened?
551
00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:26,120
Pauline.
552
00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:28,559
Oh. Right.
553
00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:33,880
I don't want to be trapped in
the village with the same old faces
554
00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:36,559
and the same old arguments
for the rest of my life.
555
00:28:39,239 --> 00:28:41,239
This is why I need to leave home.
556
00:28:42,279 --> 00:28:45,319
Hey, look, everyone needs
a new start sometimes.
557
00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:48,200
I did.
558
00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:52,880
I... I do understand, Mariette.
559
00:28:56,799 --> 00:28:58,719
I think you might be the only one
that does.
560
00:28:58,759 --> 00:29:00,880
CHILDREN LAUGH AND SHOUT
561
00:29:00,920 --> 00:29:02,600
Oh.
562
00:29:04,799 --> 00:29:07,200
I am not making a good job
of the child management.
563
00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:10,160
You know it is only Friday night?
564
00:29:10,200 --> 00:29:11,319
No.
565
00:29:13,080 --> 00:29:14,160
Really?
566
00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:37,279
Ah!
567
00:29:38,559 --> 00:29:39,600
Toast is on fire, Charley.
568
00:29:39,640 --> 00:29:41,799
Ooh. Ah!
569
00:29:41,840 --> 00:29:43,400
Oh. Ah...
570
00:29:44,799 --> 00:29:46,799
I prefer my bacon floppy.
571
00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:49,880
I can't watch this any more.
572
00:29:53,279 --> 00:29:54,880
BOTH: Waffles!
Oh.
573
00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:57,840
Ah! Ah! Ah!
574
00:29:58,840 --> 00:30:02,400
Do you want me to help?
No, no, no. I can do this.
575
00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:04,400
Thank you.
576
00:30:07,719 --> 00:30:09,880
Oh!
DOG BARKS
577
00:30:09,920 --> 00:30:11,479
No, I really...
578
00:30:11,519 --> 00:30:12,999
All right.
579
00:30:15,160 --> 00:30:16,719
All right, that's it.
580
00:30:16,759 --> 00:30:20,160
Bread, jam, sausages. I'm done.
581
00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:24,319
Oh, thank you very much.
582
00:30:24,360 --> 00:30:25,600
You're welcome.
583
00:30:27,360 --> 00:30:30,160
Here, we walked past your place
last night.
584
00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:31,479
Where'd you get your aerial?
585
00:30:31,519 --> 00:30:34,519
I have to say it's huge
and absolutely ghastly.
586
00:30:34,559 --> 00:30:37,319
What do you bloody expect?
It's a TV aerial.
587
00:30:37,360 --> 00:30:38,799
The bigger, the better.
588
00:30:38,840 --> 00:30:40,160
Pop wanted it.
589
00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:42,479
It works, though. We watched
everything till closedown.
590
00:30:42,519 --> 00:30:45,160
Gardening, news, golf, news.
Something in Welsh.
591
00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:48,640
You lucky little bastards.
My reception's crappy.
592
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:50,600
I had to give up
and drink myself stupid.
593
00:30:51,640 --> 00:30:53,920
It is huge and ghastly,
Miss Pilchester.
594
00:30:53,959 --> 00:30:54,959
I'll have a think.
595
00:30:54,999 --> 00:30:57,600
Meanwhile, might you help
cure leprosy and rickets?
596
00:31:00,799 --> 00:31:02,559
Yeah, that'll do it.
597
00:31:06,680 --> 00:31:10,600
Oh, look at you, all relaxed.
Like a seal.
598
00:31:12,759 --> 00:31:15,559
Right. I am going in.
599
00:31:19,279 --> 00:31:20,559
What do you think?
600
00:31:21,680 --> 00:31:24,840
Gorgeous. You look like the sun,
only brighter.
601
00:31:24,880 --> 00:31:27,039
You know nothing of fashion,
Mr Larkin.
602
00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:28,559
You coming in?
No.
603
00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:32,519
Birds gotta fly, fish gotta swim,
and Pop's got a deckchair.
604
00:31:32,559 --> 00:31:34,719
There's a young girl needs
rushing down the aisle, Ma.
605
00:31:34,759 --> 00:31:36,400
Oh.
606
00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:38,920
Don't sit right, this wedding,
does it?
607
00:31:38,959 --> 00:31:41,319
No. Lambs to the slaughter, Ma.
608
00:31:41,360 --> 00:31:43,519
Which is all right on a farm,
of course.
609
00:31:43,559 --> 00:31:44,880
With a bit of mint sauce.
610
00:31:44,920 --> 00:31:47,400
CHUCKLES Go on, girl!
611
00:31:53,239 --> 00:31:54,519
Ah!
612
00:31:57,719 --> 00:31:59,319
Right.
613
00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:14,920
VOICES ON TELEVISION,
STEAM TRAIN CHUGS
614
00:32:23,719 --> 00:32:26,400
Right. We're taking down the aerial.
615
00:32:26,440 --> 00:32:29,400
No. Pop will be sad
you wasted money.
616
00:32:29,440 --> 00:32:31,640
Don't you worry about that.
617
00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:41,759
That's it, Stirling Moss,
take your time.
618
00:32:41,799 --> 00:32:43,200
Thank you, sir.
619
00:32:44,239 --> 00:32:46,400
Anything else, sir?
620
00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:48,279
Yeah. Couldn't borrow your hat,
could I?
621
00:32:48,319 --> 00:32:49,680
Be an honour, sir.
622
00:32:51,920 --> 00:32:53,279
Thank you.
623
00:32:55,959 --> 00:32:59,120
Excuse me, are you here to take me
to the registry office?
624
00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:02,559
I certainly am, miss, yeah.
Can I take those for you?
625
00:33:02,600 --> 00:33:04,279
I'm all right, thank you.
626
00:33:05,559 --> 00:33:08,680
Right. So...
you got anyone else coming with you?
627
00:33:08,719 --> 00:33:10,039
No, just me.
Thank God for that.
628
00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:11,959
Thought you might be
bringing your mother.
629
00:33:11,999 --> 00:33:13,519
No.
630
00:33:15,120 --> 00:33:17,920
She's there already. Waiting.
631
00:33:17,959 --> 00:33:19,080
Right.
632
00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:24,880
OK.
So, let's get going, shall we?
633
00:33:28,999 --> 00:33:30,400
Sure you want to get married?
634
00:34:03,080 --> 00:34:05,840
You two known each other long, then?
635
00:34:05,880 --> 00:34:08,680
Since school, so... no. Not long.
636
00:34:08,719 --> 00:34:11,160
You've got plenty of time
to get to know each other now, eh?
637
00:34:11,200 --> 00:34:14,239
I'm still finding out about Ma
and we've been together, phew...
638
00:34:14,279 --> 00:34:15,759
400 years.
639
00:34:15,799 --> 00:34:17,759
Do you have any children?
640
00:34:17,799 --> 00:34:20,439
Yeah. Half a dozen.
Mostly in prison now.
641
00:34:20,480 --> 00:34:22,000
POP LAUGHS
642
00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:27,239
Anyway, look. Here we go.
643
00:34:27,279 --> 00:34:28,960
Already?
644
00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:30,000
Wait.
645
00:34:31,120 --> 00:34:33,279
Remember what they say.
Something old...
646
00:34:34,319 --> 00:34:35,600
Something new.
647
00:34:35,640 --> 00:34:37,480
Something borrowed.
648
00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:40,319
Something blue.
I can't show you those!
649
00:34:44,560 --> 00:34:46,560
And something from the chip shop!
650
00:34:46,600 --> 00:34:49,680
We can't!
We already have!
651
00:34:50,719 --> 00:34:52,439
Did you do this on your wedding day?
652
00:34:52,480 --> 00:34:56,279
Nope. Cos we never got married.
Overrated, if you ask me.
653
00:35:04,960 --> 00:35:06,960
Help!
654
00:35:09,640 --> 00:35:10,960
WHINES
655
00:35:17,759 --> 00:35:20,080
Thanks. I feel a bit better now.
656
00:35:20,120 --> 00:35:21,839
So, getting cold feet?
657
00:35:21,879 --> 00:35:24,439
Mm-mm. Not about Kenny.
658
00:35:24,480 --> 00:35:27,080
He's, erm... wonderful.
659
00:35:27,120 --> 00:35:29,799
Hmm. So, you have children,
but aren't married?
660
00:35:29,839 --> 00:35:31,839
Yeah. I mean, don't get me wrong,
I love a wedding.
661
00:35:31,879 --> 00:35:34,560
Unless, of course, it's got
all the goodwill of a firing squad.
662
00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:36,120
Yeah.
663
00:35:36,160 --> 00:35:37,560
Well, we have to.
664
00:35:37,600 --> 00:35:40,160
My parents can't bare the shame
if we don't, apparently.
665
00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:42,000
It's not their life.
666
00:35:43,279 --> 00:35:45,040
We won't survive without them, though.
667
00:35:45,080 --> 00:35:47,040
Who said that?
My mother.
668
00:35:47,080 --> 00:35:48,839
What's your dad think?
669
00:35:48,879 --> 00:35:51,879
Whatever my mother thinks.
He's lost the will to live, really.
670
00:35:51,919 --> 00:35:55,200
Well, if you buy your mum's deal,
that might be you and Kenny.
671
00:35:58,520 --> 00:36:00,680
Did you always know
Ma was the one for you?
672
00:36:00,719 --> 00:36:02,879
Oh, yeah,
first time I laid eyes on her.
673
00:36:02,919 --> 00:36:04,839
Yeah. She's everything I'm not.
674
00:36:04,879 --> 00:36:06,480
And braver, too.
675
00:36:06,520 --> 00:36:08,319
I mean, you should've seen her
this morning
676
00:36:08,359 --> 00:36:10,000
when she strode out into that sea.
677
00:36:13,480 --> 00:36:16,160
She can't still be out there, surely.
678
00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:24,040
Pop!
679
00:36:25,160 --> 00:36:26,919
Pop!
680
00:36:26,960 --> 00:36:30,000
Ma! Come in!
You'll catch your death of cold.
681
00:36:30,040 --> 00:36:31,719
I can't!
682
00:36:31,759 --> 00:36:33,919
What?!
I can't.
683
00:36:33,960 --> 00:36:35,000
Why not?!
684
00:36:37,520 --> 00:36:39,279
Oh, my Gawd.
685
00:36:39,319 --> 00:36:41,279
What do you want me to do?!
Help me.
686
00:36:46,279 --> 00:36:47,799
Oh, Gawd!
687
00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:52,560
Wait there! Stay there, Ma.
Stay there. Stay there, Ma.
688
00:36:52,600 --> 00:36:53,919
Stay there.
689
00:36:53,960 --> 00:36:55,480
Good afternoon, madam.
690
00:36:55,520 --> 00:36:56,680
HE LAUGHS
691
00:36:56,719 --> 00:37:00,560
May I escort you to the beach?
692
00:37:01,799 --> 00:37:03,319
If you would.
693
00:37:03,359 --> 00:37:06,640
Good. There's someone
I'd like you to meet.
694
00:37:06,680 --> 00:37:09,239
Come on, girl.
695
00:37:09,279 --> 00:37:11,600
Oh-ho-ho!
696
00:37:14,399 --> 00:37:16,640
Ma, this is Xanthe.
697
00:37:16,680 --> 00:37:18,879
I was just giving her a lift
to the registry office,
698
00:37:18,919 --> 00:37:20,239
then she had a change of heart.
699
00:37:20,279 --> 00:37:22,080
Hello, love.
700
00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:23,719
I've just been in the water
for an hour,
701
00:37:23,759 --> 00:37:24,919
so I'm not looking my best.
702
00:37:26,200 --> 00:37:28,600
That is the most romantic thing
I've ever seen.
703
00:37:28,640 --> 00:37:31,359
Well, I'd do anything for this woman.
704
00:37:31,399 --> 00:37:32,520
Because you love her.
705
00:37:34,399 --> 00:37:36,080
And I love my Kenny.
706
00:37:37,480 --> 00:37:39,640
We can't just leave him there.
We have to go back.
707
00:37:39,680 --> 00:37:42,520
Well, come on, let's go!
There you go. Jump in.
708
00:37:50,359 --> 00:37:51,560
Shoulders back.
709
00:37:52,640 --> 00:37:54,040
Sorry.
710
00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:55,239
Where is she?
711
00:37:55,279 --> 00:37:58,960
ORGAN PLAYS BRIDAL MARCH
712
00:38:02,399 --> 00:38:04,399
You again. What are you doing?
713
00:38:04,439 --> 00:38:07,160
I'd love a word with Kenny.
Is he free at all?
714
00:38:07,200 --> 00:38:09,359
No, he isn't.
Just a quick one.
715
00:38:09,399 --> 00:38:10,319
Come on. Outside.
716
00:38:10,359 --> 00:38:12,000
Sorry about this. Back in two ticks.
717
00:38:12,040 --> 00:38:13,480
Ooh, good hat.
718
00:38:13,520 --> 00:38:15,399
Quick chat with the bride.
719
00:38:15,439 --> 00:38:18,279
No! This is a good marriage.
They go skiing.
720
00:38:18,319 --> 00:38:19,399
Ooh!
721
00:38:19,439 --> 00:38:20,960
Kenny, quickly.
722
00:38:22,239 --> 00:38:25,560
You will get married.
And we will tame you.
723
00:38:25,600 --> 00:38:28,719
And your baby will carry on the line!
724
00:38:28,759 --> 00:38:30,960
No, he's the man.
So it's their line.
725
00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:33,960
Normally.
But I have a very good lawyer.
726
00:38:34,000 --> 00:38:36,640
Come on. Quick. This way. Come on.
727
00:38:40,160 --> 00:38:41,839
Go, go, go, go!
728
00:38:52,560 --> 00:38:56,120
Oh, yes, let's all run away
from things we don't want to do.
729
00:38:56,160 --> 00:38:57,439
What's going on?
730
00:38:57,480 --> 00:38:59,080
I couldn't do it, Kenny.
731
00:38:59,120 --> 00:39:02,080
It's not that I don't love you, but
none of this has been our decision.
732
00:39:02,120 --> 00:39:03,799
And I want it to be.
733
00:39:03,839 --> 00:39:05,640
You do want to be with me?
734
00:39:05,680 --> 00:39:07,359
She really does.
735
00:39:07,399 --> 00:39:08,960
Huge fan of yours.
736
00:39:11,560 --> 00:39:13,040
Now, here we go.
737
00:39:14,399 --> 00:39:16,319
So, what happens now?
738
00:39:16,359 --> 00:39:18,680
I'd get out of Margate for a bit.
739
00:39:18,719 --> 00:39:21,680
Here. It's our unwedding gift.
740
00:39:22,919 --> 00:39:24,600
Thanks, Pop.
741
00:39:24,640 --> 00:39:27,319
But... what about the baby?
742
00:39:27,359 --> 00:39:30,480
You meet trouble,
your parents will see the baby,
743
00:39:30,520 --> 00:39:32,680
their hearts will melt
and they'll help you out.
744
00:39:32,719 --> 00:39:34,640
Meantime, we're down the road
in Littlechurch.
745
00:39:34,680 --> 00:39:36,080
Larkins' Farm.
746
00:39:36,120 --> 00:39:38,600
So, if you get time to yourselves,
just drop in, eh?
747
00:39:38,640 --> 00:39:42,399
We'll help you find a place.
Anything you need, set you up nice.
748
00:39:43,480 --> 00:39:46,239
I don't know how
we can ever thank you.
749
00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:50,640
Oh, I nearly forgot.
750
00:39:52,919 --> 00:39:54,200
Ah!
751
00:39:54,239 --> 00:39:56,960
Good catch, Ma.
Brilliant!
752
00:39:57,000 --> 00:40:00,279
Remember when we had our Mariette?
They're gonna need some luck.
753
00:40:00,319 --> 00:40:02,680
Best time, though.
Oh, it is.
754
00:40:03,879 --> 00:40:06,120
Suppose that's what Mariette's
doing now, isn't it?
755
00:40:06,160 --> 00:40:07,879
Needing to strike out on her own.
756
00:40:07,919 --> 00:40:11,080
Different in her case, though.
Completely different.
757
00:40:14,759 --> 00:40:18,000
INTERMITTENT VOICES THROUGH STATIC
758
00:40:29,520 --> 00:40:33,000
Ah. Mum and Charley will be pleased.
759
00:40:33,040 --> 00:40:35,680
So, who'd you sell the aerial to,
then?
760
00:40:35,719 --> 00:40:37,600
Well, you'll see it around.
761
00:40:43,040 --> 00:40:47,399
VOICES ON TELEVISION
762
00:40:56,399 --> 00:40:59,080
'They have. It's all over.'
763
00:41:07,680 --> 00:41:10,719
Can I take your bags to the car, sir?
764
00:41:10,759 --> 00:41:13,359
Can you, though?
That's the question.
765
00:41:13,399 --> 00:41:16,160
Nah. Probably not.
766
00:41:16,200 --> 00:41:17,640
Oh, dear.
767
00:41:17,680 --> 00:41:19,319
The Ugly Mothers.
768
00:41:19,359 --> 00:41:21,480
You've got a nerve turning up here.
769
00:41:21,520 --> 00:41:22,960
We should go to the police.
770
00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:25,960
Actually, should we go to
the police? And tell them what?
771
00:41:26,000 --> 00:41:27,879
That we helped two lovely young people
772
00:41:27,919 --> 00:41:29,879
decide for themselves
what they want in life?
773
00:41:29,919 --> 00:41:32,839
If that's a crime, I'm a badger.
774
00:41:32,879 --> 00:41:35,000
Ladies.
775
00:41:35,040 --> 00:41:36,600
I understand. I really do.
776
00:41:36,640 --> 00:41:38,799
It's hard, isn't it,
all this parenting lark?
777
00:41:38,839 --> 00:41:40,239
You don't have to tell me that.
778
00:41:40,279 --> 00:41:42,919
Cos we love 'em, don't we?
And we want what's best for them.
779
00:41:42,960 --> 00:41:44,719
But you gotta remember being young.
780
00:41:44,759 --> 00:41:46,439
Don't ya? Hey?
781
00:41:46,480 --> 00:41:49,120
I mean, it weren't that long ago
for the two of you, I can tell that.
782
00:41:53,319 --> 00:41:59,120
Don't tell me you've forgotten the
tingling rush as you hold the hand
783
00:41:59,160 --> 00:42:01,520
of the one person who makes
your heart beat faster.
784
00:42:01,560 --> 00:42:03,120
They're young.
785
00:42:03,160 --> 00:42:06,200
They're in love
and they're gonna have a baby.
786
00:42:06,239 --> 00:42:09,439
What they don't need right now
is a bit of paper
787
00:42:09,480 --> 00:42:11,640
that makes you two feel decent.
788
00:42:11,680 --> 00:42:13,600
They need your support.
789
00:42:13,640 --> 00:42:15,919
So, show 'em some love.
790
00:42:15,960 --> 00:42:18,120
And let 'em work it out
for themselves, why don't you?
791
00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:19,839
And then what?
792
00:42:19,879 --> 00:42:24,200
Well, then you might get
what you really want.
793
00:42:24,239 --> 00:42:25,319
Which is?
794
00:42:25,359 --> 00:42:27,279
Your little girl to come back to you.
795
00:42:31,680 --> 00:42:33,439
How did you know that?
796
00:42:37,960 --> 00:42:40,120
It's what we all want, really, innit?
797
00:42:45,160 --> 00:42:46,759
That bit of fence is down, look.
798
00:42:46,799 --> 00:42:49,279
Oh, yeah. But they didn't escape.
799
00:42:49,319 --> 00:42:51,919
Maybe the best way
to make a horse stay
800
00:42:51,960 --> 00:42:54,799
is to show it that it's free
to decide for itself.
801
00:42:54,839 --> 00:42:56,600
Thanks, Aristotle (!)
802
00:42:56,640 --> 00:42:58,480
What, are you saying I'm like a horse?
803
00:42:58,520 --> 00:42:59,919
Er... well...
804
00:43:01,839 --> 00:43:04,879
So, are you gonna
use that sick note, then?
805
00:43:04,919 --> 00:43:07,359
Oh, yeah.
Stay around a bit longer?
806
00:43:08,439 --> 00:43:11,359
Yeah, well, I mean,
it would be rude not to.
807
00:43:11,399 --> 00:43:12,879
But I have to do something.
808
00:43:12,919 --> 00:43:16,399
I can't just wander through
fields of buttercups all day.
809
00:43:21,520 --> 00:43:22,719
HORSE SNORTS
810
00:43:22,759 --> 00:43:26,960
Urgh! You know, I was
just starting to like you.
811
00:43:27,000 --> 00:43:28,080
Who? Me or Biscuit?
812
00:43:28,120 --> 00:43:29,879
That is a stupid name for a horse.
813
00:43:29,919 --> 00:43:32,359
It's not a stupid name.
She's the colour of a biscuit.
814
00:43:32,399 --> 00:43:35,080
But biscuits come in all colours.
"Biscuits come in all colours."
815
00:43:35,120 --> 00:43:38,319
"Biscuits come in all colours."
But I didn't say it like that.
816
00:43:38,359 --> 00:43:39,719
You did!
817
00:43:45,560 --> 00:43:47,719
Ah!
We missed you!
818
00:43:47,759 --> 00:43:49,040
How was it?
819
00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:51,239
Good and bad.
Your mum dissolved at one point.
820
00:43:51,279 --> 00:43:53,640
Got any presents?
Maybe.
821
00:43:53,680 --> 00:43:55,799
ALL GASP AND EXCLAIM
822
00:43:55,839 --> 00:43:58,239
Oh, wow. Nice work, Charley boy.
823
00:43:58,279 --> 00:44:02,000
Not really. Your children
outwitted me at every turn.
824
00:44:02,040 --> 00:44:05,879
With all due respect, I'd be shocked
if they hadn't, Charley.
825
00:44:05,919 --> 00:44:07,040
Mm-hm.
826
00:44:07,080 --> 00:44:08,399
This is yours, Pop.
Oh, yeah?
827
00:44:08,439 --> 00:44:09,640
We haven't got the aerial.
828
00:44:10,879 --> 00:44:13,279
There's more there than I give you.
Yeah, I got a good deal,
829
00:44:13,319 --> 00:44:15,480
but it looked horrible,
so I sold it for more.
830
00:44:15,520 --> 00:44:17,160
What a girl!
831
00:44:17,200 --> 00:44:19,439
There's a Larkin.
Well done, Mariette.
832
00:44:19,480 --> 00:44:21,319
Oh, thank you kindly.
833
00:44:21,359 --> 00:44:24,279
Now, this is all Charley's work.
The cakes, sandwiches, the...
834
00:44:24,319 --> 00:44:25,839
Don't eat the drop scones.
835
00:44:25,879 --> 00:44:27,759
He's been such a pal.
836
00:44:27,799 --> 00:44:28,919
A pal?
837
00:44:28,960 --> 00:44:31,719
Mariette had a date with Tom.
Don't want to talk about it.
838
00:44:33,040 --> 00:44:36,279
How's my Victoria been?
Ah, well, my one success.
839
00:44:36,319 --> 00:44:38,759
Head in a gardening book all weekend.
840
00:44:38,799 --> 00:44:41,680
I think you might have
a budding horticulturist there.
841
00:44:41,719 --> 00:44:43,439
Aw, Vickie!
842
00:44:44,680 --> 00:44:46,239
Lady Chatterley's Lover?!
843
00:44:46,279 --> 00:44:49,000
Oh, God!
LAUGHTER
844
00:44:49,040 --> 00:44:51,200
Go and watch television right now,
young lady.
845
00:44:51,239 --> 00:44:53,520
Honestly! Oof.
846
00:44:53,560 --> 00:44:56,439
We go away for one weekend
and the place falls apart.
847
00:44:56,480 --> 00:45:00,239
Yeah, I doubt we'll risk going away
again for a while. If ever.
848
00:45:00,279 --> 00:45:03,399
Now, Pop and I have learnt
some things this weekend
849
00:45:03,439 --> 00:45:06,719
about respect and honesty
within a family.
850
00:45:06,759 --> 00:45:10,759
So... Yes, we have.
So from now on, if we as parents...
851
00:45:10,799 --> 00:45:14,399
And this...
This is serious, by the way.
852
00:45:19,120 --> 00:45:21,520
Sooner we marry them off,
the better. Mm.
853
00:45:21,560 --> 00:45:23,719
Yep.
Where's your boat?
854
00:45:23,759 --> 00:45:25,000
Oh, yeah.
855
00:45:25,040 --> 00:45:26,640
Here you go, Ma, look at that.
856
00:45:26,680 --> 00:45:28,879
Aw.
It's a beauty, innit?
857
00:45:28,919 --> 00:45:30,160
Mmm.
858
00:45:31,520 --> 00:45:33,120
Happy days, eh?
62471
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