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1
00:00:10,619 --> 00:00:13,500
HE WHISTLES
2
00:00:15,659 --> 00:00:17,499
HE TOOTS HORN
3
00:00:25,620 --> 00:00:28,780
Don't run! Pull up your socks.
4
00:00:28,819 --> 00:00:31,499
Zinnia, Petunia - ladylike.
5
00:00:31,547 --> 00:00:34,827
Victoria, slouching!
6
00:00:39,820 --> 00:00:41,779
Ooh!
7
00:00:41,820 --> 00:00:43,779
Ooh...
8
00:00:55,419 --> 00:00:56,739
Ah!
9
00:01:12,500 --> 00:01:14,659
WINCH RATTLING
10
00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:17,459
Come on. You beauty!
11
00:01:18,940 --> 00:01:21,580
All right, Pop?
Hey, Mariette.
12
00:01:21,619 --> 00:01:23,539
Now, THAT is a good day's work.
13
00:01:23,580 --> 00:01:26,619
Isn't it just?
Been looking for this for years.
14
00:01:26,659 --> 00:01:28,539
SHE SIGHS Let's fly away.
15
00:01:29,580 --> 00:01:31,860
CHILD: We're out of ketchup!
No!
16
00:01:33,539 --> 00:01:35,179
Can we get some?
Can I drive?
17
00:01:35,220 --> 00:01:36,259
Course you can!
18
00:01:38,420 --> 00:01:40,420
Oh, look at that sky.
19
00:01:42,739 --> 00:01:45,619
SHRIEKS AND LAUGHTER
20
00:01:45,659 --> 00:01:47,099
You all right back there?
21
00:01:47,140 --> 00:01:49,459
Uh-huh. Yeah.
Yeah. Mostly.
22
00:01:49,500 --> 00:01:51,500
HORN TOOTS
23
00:02:01,060 --> 00:02:02,580
Come on, Petunia. Down you jump.
24
00:02:02,619 --> 00:02:04,899
All right, off and play.
Go on. Don't get dirty.
25
00:02:04,940 --> 00:02:07,099
All right, Reg?
Pop, on your head!
26
00:02:07,140 --> 00:02:09,019
Stanley Matthews!
REG LAUGHS
27
00:02:09,060 --> 00:02:11,619
Here you go, Pop. Oh, lovely.
That looks nice, don't it?
28
00:02:11,659 --> 00:02:15,099
Ooh, that's it.
Oh! There she blows. Mmm.
29
00:02:15,140 --> 00:02:17,260
Happy days.
30
00:02:17,300 --> 00:02:18,939
Oh, God.
Oh, hello.
31
00:02:18,980 --> 00:02:20,580
If it ain't the Holy Trinity.
32
00:02:20,619 --> 00:02:23,059
Larkin, move your ugly vehicle.
It's obstructing mine.
33
00:02:23,100 --> 00:02:26,179
What? Your nice little
lady run-around, Alec?
34
00:02:26,219 --> 00:02:28,380
It's a high-performance sports car.
35
00:02:28,420 --> 00:02:30,179
Ah.
HE WHISTLES
36
00:02:30,219 --> 00:02:32,700
Montgomery! Do us a favour -
shift the pick-up, can you,
37
00:02:32,739 --> 00:02:35,580
so Alec can get to
his nice little lady run-around?
38
00:02:35,619 --> 00:02:36,980
HE CHUCKLES
39
00:02:37,019 --> 00:02:38,899
All right, Vicar? Norma, darling?
40
00:02:38,939 --> 00:02:41,380
Hungover. Feel like bloody death.
41
00:02:41,420 --> 00:02:43,820
I'm very much not your darling.
42
00:02:43,860 --> 00:02:45,700
I'd like to think
everyone's my darling,
43
00:02:45,739 --> 00:02:48,300
and I'm everyone's.
Otherwise, why are we here?
44
00:02:49,899 --> 00:02:51,739
Well, come on,
what are you nattering about?
45
00:02:51,779 --> 00:02:53,300
Horse and Hound Committee business.
46
00:02:53,339 --> 00:02:54,540
Oh.
47
00:02:54,580 --> 00:02:56,939
Ralph Fortescue's resigned
as Master of Hounds,
48
00:02:56,980 --> 00:02:59,580
taking his gymkhana field
and hunting land.
49
00:02:59,619 --> 00:03:00,860
Tight bleeder.
50
00:03:00,899 --> 00:03:03,059
Well, why don't you just use
our medders?
51
00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:05,700
Eh? You know us Larkins,
liberty hall.
52
00:03:08,019 --> 00:03:10,619
CRASH What do you think you're doing?!
53
00:03:10,660 --> 00:03:13,059
Oh! God.
54
00:03:13,100 --> 00:03:14,540
GEARS GRINDING
55
00:03:16,179 --> 00:03:18,300
Ease her forward gently, son.
56
00:03:21,219 --> 00:03:24,179
And stop.
Why did you let him drive?
57
00:03:24,219 --> 00:03:26,700
He's only about eight!
13!
58
00:03:26,739 --> 00:03:28,219
Shut up!
59
00:03:28,260 --> 00:03:30,219
Er, apologies,
we'll pay for the damage.
60
00:03:30,260 --> 00:03:32,619
You're a toe-rag, like your dad!
Oi, pack it in.
61
00:03:32,660 --> 00:03:34,980
If anyone's gonna put him right,
it'll be me or his Ma.
62
00:03:35,019 --> 00:03:36,899
Just tell us how much we owe you
to get it fixed.
63
00:03:36,939 --> 00:03:39,100
Conservative estimate, £250.
64
00:03:40,100 --> 00:03:41,860
I'm in the wrong sodding business!
65
00:03:43,499 --> 00:03:46,300
Here. With the leftover cash,
get yourself a spare car.
66
00:03:46,339 --> 00:03:49,580
Well, why don't I give you back some
of this to buy some contraception?
67
00:03:51,339 --> 00:03:52,860
LAUGHTER
68
00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:55,219
Now we can get stuck in!
69
00:03:55,260 --> 00:03:57,019
Get back, get back.
70
00:03:57,059 --> 00:04:00,380
ALL CHATTER
Can you sort those carrots out?
71
00:04:00,420 --> 00:04:03,660
Give 'em to your sister, please.
All right, pumpkin.
72
00:04:03,700 --> 00:04:05,860
Victoria, you can have four potatoes.
73
00:04:05,899 --> 00:04:08,380
KNOCK AT DOOR Come in!
74
00:04:08,420 --> 00:04:10,339
Door's open!
75
00:04:10,380 --> 00:04:11,980
What's wrong with Mariette?
76
00:04:12,019 --> 00:04:13,540
Nothing.
77
00:04:13,580 --> 00:04:16,219
What's wrong with YOU? She got
percussion from banging her head.
78
00:04:16,260 --> 00:04:19,980
Unless she fell on some drums,
it's called CON-cussion.
79
00:04:20,019 --> 00:04:21,739
KNOCKING I'll get it.
80
00:04:23,699 --> 00:04:25,420
Oh, Brigadier!
81
00:04:25,460 --> 00:04:27,259
Trouble.
Oh?
82
00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:30,619
Well, calm your nerves.
Have a snifter.
83
00:04:30,660 --> 00:04:33,020
Er... No, I-I couldn't.
84
00:04:33,059 --> 00:04:37,499
No? Well, I'm having
a Dragon's Blood with...
85
00:04:37,540 --> 00:04:39,379
a dash of lime.
86
00:04:41,059 --> 00:04:43,220
Beer with fruit. Extraordinary.
Yeah.
87
00:04:43,259 --> 00:04:45,499
You've got a telly.
88
00:04:45,540 --> 00:04:47,499
Yeah, well, it lightens up the room,
don't it?
89
00:04:47,540 --> 00:04:49,499
Ma.
90
00:04:49,540 --> 00:04:51,379
Brigadier!
Hello!
91
00:04:51,420 --> 00:04:52,860
Help yourself to some dinner.
92
00:04:52,900 --> 00:04:55,579
No, I couldn't.
Blimey, that's a lot of food.
93
00:04:55,619 --> 00:04:57,739
I've got a bite of cold at home.
94
00:04:57,780 --> 00:05:00,860
No, no. You are not having any cold.
95
00:05:00,900 --> 00:05:03,020
Cold, my foot. Go on, take a seat.
96
00:05:03,059 --> 00:05:05,220
Now, chomp on that.
It's yummy.
97
00:05:05,259 --> 00:05:07,699
You're very welcome.
Thank you.
98
00:05:07,739 --> 00:05:09,179
So, the horrors.
99
00:05:09,220 --> 00:05:12,699
They want to appoint Alec Norman
as Master of Hounds.
100
00:05:12,739 --> 00:05:15,699
I could see that coming. Yeah.
But you know what? It don't matter.
101
00:05:15,739 --> 00:05:16,860
Sky ain't gonna fall in.
102
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:19,100
Mind you, he's a bit of berk,
ain't he, Montgomery?
103
00:05:19,139 --> 00:05:21,420
I scraped his little lady run-around
by mistake,
104
00:05:21,460 --> 00:05:23,259
and he charged us 250 quid.
105
00:05:23,300 --> 00:05:24,780
What?!
Called Dad a toe-rag.
106
00:05:24,819 --> 00:05:27,499
He called you what?! 250 quid?
107
00:05:27,540 --> 00:05:29,139
You could've had him shot for less.
108
00:05:29,179 --> 00:05:30,579
And he said we need contraception.
109
00:05:30,619 --> 00:05:32,139
What's that?
110
00:05:32,179 --> 00:05:34,860
It's very rude of him, is what it is.
111
00:05:34,900 --> 00:05:37,660
You see, he's an utter rogue.
Alec can't be Master of Hounds.
112
00:05:37,699 --> 00:05:40,220
You should be it, Brigadier.
Yeah.
113
00:05:40,259 --> 00:05:42,379
Tush! Stop!
114
00:05:42,420 --> 00:05:43,819
Hardly me.
115
00:05:43,860 --> 00:05:45,579
No!
116
00:05:45,619 --> 00:05:49,100
Ketchup with goose? Oh, yeah.
Always need a bit of ketchup.
117
00:05:50,660 --> 00:05:51,939
It perks it up a bit.
118
00:05:51,980 --> 00:05:54,579
Mariette, get your seconds.
119
00:05:54,619 --> 00:05:56,780
No, thanks, Mum, I'm not in the mood.
120
00:06:07,619 --> 00:06:10,259
Time to share your burdens,
sweetheart.
121
00:06:16,739 --> 00:06:18,420
I'm going to France.
122
00:06:18,460 --> 00:06:21,579
At the end of the month.
Abroad? What?!
123
00:06:21,619 --> 00:06:25,020
I've been writing to places in Paris
about jobs. They need au pairs...
124
00:06:25,059 --> 00:06:27,660
You've got work here.
But it's more than that.
125
00:06:27,699 --> 00:06:31,179
I love the French style,
the language and the films and...
126
00:06:31,220 --> 00:06:33,059
They take their medicines
up their bottoms.
127
00:06:33,100 --> 00:06:34,699
Is that stylish?
128
00:06:35,860 --> 00:06:36,980
Is it?
129
00:06:37,020 --> 00:06:40,100
Look, you see?
I've got so much to discover.
130
00:06:40,139 --> 00:06:45,139
I... I love you,
but I need to leave home.
131
00:06:48,020 --> 00:06:52,220
Oh, don't say nothing.
You NEVER say nothing!
132
00:07:10,819 --> 00:07:13,819
We're not gonna be the same family
without Mariette, Ma.
133
00:07:13,860 --> 00:07:15,460
I know.
134
00:07:15,499 --> 00:07:18,900
The kids worship her.
Especially Primrose.
135
00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:20,699
It's too bad Mariette...
136
00:07:20,739 --> 00:07:23,579
just can't find a boy
she loves round here, you know?
137
00:07:23,619 --> 00:07:25,900
Mm, well, to be fair,
138
00:07:25,939 --> 00:07:28,780
there's a lot of lads in the village
with heads full of straw.
139
00:07:28,819 --> 00:07:33,059
And men like Alec Norman.
Contraception?!
140
00:07:33,100 --> 00:07:35,699
I'm tucking that one behind my ear.
141
00:07:36,980 --> 00:07:38,980
Mariette is 19.
142
00:07:40,619 --> 00:07:42,980
Remember what that feels like?
Mm.
143
00:07:44,220 --> 00:07:47,020
It'll be all right.
Yeah.
144
00:07:47,059 --> 00:07:48,860
I'll persuade her to stay.
145
00:07:50,420 --> 00:07:53,300
We don't believe in worrying, do we?
Eh?
146
00:07:54,660 --> 00:07:57,020
Leave that to everyone else.
147
00:07:57,059 --> 00:08:00,259
Ooh! Oh, you cheeky f...
148
00:08:00,300 --> 00:08:03,139
Now, now.
..armer.
149
00:08:03,179 --> 00:08:05,379
Ow!
BOTH LAUGHING
150
00:08:10,100 --> 00:08:12,900
♪ Come on, baby
We got chicken in the barn
151
00:08:12,939 --> 00:08:14,780
♪ Whose barn, what barn, my barn
152
00:08:14,819 --> 00:08:17,780
♪ Ba-da-da, ba-doop, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
153
00:08:17,819 --> 00:08:21,059
♪ Whole lot of shakin' goin' on... ♪
Whoo-ah!
154
00:08:21,100 --> 00:08:22,980
What if I need you when you're away?
155
00:08:23,020 --> 00:08:25,020
You'll be off too, one day.
To college.
156
00:08:25,059 --> 00:08:26,499
Your brain's the size of a melon.
157
00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:28,259
But you're good at the stuff I'm not.
158
00:08:28,300 --> 00:08:30,139
Oh, yeah, and what stuff's that?
159
00:08:33,860 --> 00:08:36,980
Thanks, Mariette. Bye, Boffin.
160
00:08:39,139 --> 00:08:41,300
Brian, we've talked about
your staring.
161
00:08:41,339 --> 00:08:43,939
Um, will you come out for a...
No.
162
00:08:49,219 --> 00:08:50,900
Hello.
Good morning.
163
00:08:50,939 --> 00:08:52,339
Tom Fisher.
164
00:08:52,380 --> 00:08:54,699
Mariette Larkin.
You passing through?
165
00:08:54,740 --> 00:08:56,939
Nope. I just moved in, down there.
166
00:08:56,979 --> 00:09:00,339
You sure? We haven't had anyone new
in the village since 1949.
167
00:09:00,380 --> 00:09:03,740
And do people usually arrive by horse?
168
00:09:03,780 --> 00:09:06,859
Horse, bike, sheep...
169
00:09:06,900 --> 00:09:08,620
combine harvester.
170
00:09:08,660 --> 00:09:10,660
See you around.
171
00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:38,179
The Horse and Hounds Committee needs
to decide on a new Master of Hounds.
172
00:09:38,219 --> 00:09:41,699
Yes, of course.
I'm nominating my husband Alec,
173
00:09:41,740 --> 00:09:43,620
cos he's the right calibre of person.
174
00:09:43,660 --> 00:09:46,660
Let's face it, there aren't
many men of calibre in the village.
175
00:09:46,699 --> 00:09:48,500
Hello, Norma.
176
00:09:48,540 --> 00:09:50,900
Hello, Libby.
Mrs Larkin!
177
00:09:50,939 --> 00:09:52,420
"Calibre", is it?
178
00:09:52,459 --> 00:09:55,020
Or is that just snobbish claptrap?
Just asking.
179
00:09:55,059 --> 00:09:56,420
Are you suggesting
180
00:09:56,459 --> 00:09:58,859
your husband could be
a suitable Master of Hounds?
181
00:09:58,900 --> 00:10:00,900
Well, I wasn't, but... Why not?
182
00:10:00,939 --> 00:10:02,420
SHE LAUGHS
183
00:10:02,459 --> 00:10:03,819
LIBBY JOINS IN
184
00:10:03,859 --> 00:10:05,620
Stop it, Libby.
Sorry.
185
00:10:05,660 --> 00:10:08,979
What qualities would you consider
necessary for the position?
186
00:10:09,020 --> 00:10:10,500
Decency.
187
00:10:10,540 --> 00:10:12,059
Oh, my husband has that.
188
00:10:12,099 --> 00:10:14,219
Organisational experience.
189
00:10:14,260 --> 00:10:17,660
Oh, got it! He's a dealer, dear.
With a junkyard.
190
00:10:17,699 --> 00:10:19,420
He is a gentleman farmer.
191
00:10:19,459 --> 00:10:21,859
You don't deserve him
as Master of Foxhounds.
192
00:10:21,900 --> 00:10:26,540
He's always offering our land
and donating. Libby, stay!
193
00:10:26,579 --> 00:10:29,140
Oh, you look so pretty.
194
00:10:29,179 --> 00:10:31,339
Like a doll.
Thank you.
195
00:10:31,380 --> 00:10:33,380
If only!
196
00:10:33,420 --> 00:10:36,540
And, er, how did your husband
come by his money?
197
00:10:36,579 --> 00:10:38,300
Oh, by being quick on the uptake.
198
00:10:38,339 --> 00:10:41,219
And he doesn't cheat people,
if that's what you mean.
199
00:10:42,699 --> 00:10:44,099
Unless they deserve it.
200
00:10:44,140 --> 00:10:46,859
He'll never be Master,
because he's common.
201
00:10:46,900 --> 00:10:51,059
And there are rumours he can't read.
202
00:10:54,179 --> 00:10:57,979
SHE LAUGHS SHARPLY
Where do people get these ideas?
203
00:11:14,260 --> 00:11:15,859
Edith.
204
00:11:15,900 --> 00:11:18,219
Mr Larkin!
I look absolutely ghastly.
205
00:11:18,260 --> 00:11:19,500
No, you don't.
206
00:11:19,540 --> 00:11:21,339
I've been refreshing my pelmets.
207
00:11:21,380 --> 00:11:23,740
Yeah, I must do that.
Have some goose.
208
00:11:23,780 --> 00:11:26,140
All the trimmings. Ma's idea.
209
00:11:27,459 --> 00:11:28,900
Come in, come in.
210
00:11:31,099 --> 00:11:34,059
Oh, what would I do without you?
211
00:11:34,099 --> 00:11:37,099
Oh, well, we don't do as much
as you, Edith, do we?
212
00:11:37,140 --> 00:11:40,300
18 committees,
run your home on thruppence.
213
00:11:40,339 --> 00:11:44,219
To be honest,
I am... feeling the pinch.
214
00:11:44,260 --> 00:11:46,819
Aw, Edith, come on.
What's happening? Spill it.
215
00:11:46,859 --> 00:11:48,099
An absolutely ghastly man
216
00:11:48,140 --> 00:11:50,420
wants to buy my cottage
as a weekend bolt-hole.
217
00:11:50,459 --> 00:11:52,939
We don't want weekenders
buying up down here.
218
00:11:52,979 --> 00:11:56,260
Oh, it's bad enough with commuters
like Alec. Tell him to take a hike.
219
00:11:56,300 --> 00:11:58,300
Well, I have, but he's rather a bully
220
00:11:58,339 --> 00:12:01,500
and can see I'm a little desperate.
One tries to hold one's head up.
221
00:12:01,540 --> 00:12:04,099
You don't want to move, though,
do you? Lord, no!
222
00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:05,620
Everything I love is here.
223
00:12:05,660 --> 00:12:08,939
Well, our Mariette's
wanting to leave home.
224
00:12:08,979 --> 00:12:10,859
And that is absolutely ghastly.
225
00:12:10,900 --> 00:12:12,780
Oh, God, if I was her age,
I'd be gone like a shot.
226
00:12:14,179 --> 00:12:16,740
I-I'm sorry, there must be
something wrong with me.
227
00:12:16,780 --> 00:12:19,859
Is your buyer bloke coming back?
Mm-hm. This afternoon.
228
00:12:19,900 --> 00:12:22,020
Right. I'll be here.
229
00:12:22,059 --> 00:12:24,300
We can't have you being pushed around.
230
00:12:34,339 --> 00:12:36,459
Formidable!
231
00:12:36,500 --> 00:12:38,979
You're not going yet, are you?
Oh! No, not today.
232
00:12:39,020 --> 00:12:41,660
Look, I know you know everything,
but shouldn't you be in school?
233
00:12:41,699 --> 00:12:43,459
This is more important.
234
00:12:44,540 --> 00:12:46,099
I need your advice.
235
00:12:46,140 --> 00:12:47,780
About love.
236
00:12:49,380 --> 00:12:51,660
Yes, I know I'm not known for that,
237
00:12:51,699 --> 00:12:54,859
but I met a boy three weeks ago
and I really like him.
238
00:12:56,020 --> 00:12:57,420
We had a kiss.
239
00:12:57,459 --> 00:12:59,260
Who is he?
240
00:12:59,300 --> 00:13:03,500
His name's Eddie.
He works at the travelling funfair.
241
00:13:03,540 --> 00:13:04,699
What's wrong with that?
242
00:13:04,740 --> 00:13:07,500
Oh, it's just you won't see him
again, that's all.
243
00:13:07,540 --> 00:13:08,740
Why not?
244
00:13:08,780 --> 00:13:11,579
I told him where we live.
He promised he'd write and visit.
245
00:13:11,620 --> 00:13:15,819
Oh, Prim, he's a carny lad.
They just... move on.
246
00:13:15,859 --> 00:13:17,699
But he promised.
247
00:13:17,740 --> 00:13:19,420
He looked me in the eyes.
248
00:13:19,459 --> 00:13:22,219
I love him! He can't abandon me.
249
00:13:22,260 --> 00:13:23,500
They are known for it.
250
00:13:23,540 --> 00:13:25,819
Well, that's horrible and wrong.
251
00:13:25,859 --> 00:13:28,020
You're right. It is. We'll find him.
252
00:13:28,059 --> 00:13:30,740
Where was he headed when you met him?
253
00:13:30,780 --> 00:13:33,819
Er, he didn't say.
254
00:13:36,059 --> 00:13:38,459
He didn't say.
SHE GASPS
255
00:13:38,500 --> 00:13:40,099
He didn't mean it!
256
00:13:41,260 --> 00:13:44,339
Oh, he's probably in...
in Dundee by now!
257
00:13:44,380 --> 00:13:46,260
Well, we'll -
we'll go to Dundee, then.
258
00:13:46,300 --> 00:13:49,380
And remind him
that you're a human being.
259
00:13:49,420 --> 00:13:51,140
Maybe he just lost your address.
260
00:13:51,179 --> 00:13:52,699
Yeah.
261
00:13:52,740 --> 00:13:54,140
Yeah.
Yeah.
262
00:13:56,380 --> 00:14:00,140
I'll give her "dealer".
And "common"!
263
00:14:00,179 --> 00:14:03,540
Ma, it's water off a duck's arse,
it really is. I can assure you.
264
00:14:03,579 --> 00:14:06,540
Look, we're happy and healthy and we
got enough cash to enjoy ourselves.
265
00:14:06,579 --> 00:14:09,339
And if we can persuade Mariette
to stay, we can give her this.
266
00:14:09,380 --> 00:14:12,140
Joined up, like.
Oh, nice idea.
267
00:14:12,179 --> 00:14:14,020
Right.
Don't change the subject!
268
00:14:14,059 --> 00:14:17,059
You deserve more respect. We all do.
269
00:14:18,939 --> 00:14:21,099
I'll get us a Rolls-Royce, then,
shall I?
270
00:14:21,140 --> 00:14:22,620
SHE LAUGHS
271
00:14:22,660 --> 00:14:24,579
Oh, yeah, get us a Roller (!)
272
00:14:26,099 --> 00:14:27,660
I know where to get one,
as it happens.
273
00:14:27,699 --> 00:14:29,579
No, you don't.
Yes, I do.
274
00:14:29,620 --> 00:14:33,500
No, you don't.
Yes, I do. You don't.
275
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:36,420
Ma, I do.
276
00:14:36,459 --> 00:14:38,339
May I ask why you need to know?
277
00:14:38,380 --> 00:14:41,140
We want to contact a member of the
fairground staff. Private matter.
278
00:14:41,179 --> 00:14:43,900
Have they committed a crime?
Would that make you help us more?
279
00:14:43,939 --> 00:14:45,020
I suppose it would.
280
00:14:45,059 --> 00:14:48,459
Then, yes.
He stole my sister's heart.
281
00:14:48,500 --> 00:14:49,699
Well, I'd have to check,
282
00:14:49,740 --> 00:14:52,059
but I don't think that's an offence
in this country.
283
00:14:52,099 --> 00:14:54,059
We know. We just wanna talk to him.
284
00:14:54,099 --> 00:14:55,699
Because he's really special,
285
00:14:55,740 --> 00:14:57,900
with a gorgeous smile and an earring.
286
00:14:57,939 --> 00:14:59,939
Well, I'd advise you
to approach with caution
287
00:14:59,979 --> 00:15:01,339
any man sporting an earring.
288
00:15:04,099 --> 00:15:06,900
Thanks. So, do you know
where the funfair's moved on to?
289
00:15:06,939 --> 00:15:09,740
Yes, I believe that's in Bedowick
just down the road.
290
00:15:11,099 --> 00:15:14,059
Can you give us a lift
in your police car?
291
00:15:14,099 --> 00:15:15,660
Ah, no, sorry.
292
00:15:15,699 --> 00:15:18,459
Sergeant Plummer only lets me use
the police car on Thursdays.
293
00:15:20,540 --> 00:15:22,900
CHILDREN LAUGH
294
00:15:24,059 --> 00:15:29,339
No! You're supposed to be dancing,
not lashing each other to a post!
295
00:15:29,380 --> 00:15:32,059
Montgomery, Victoria.
Come on, we're going shopping.
296
00:15:32,099 --> 00:15:34,540
What for?
A Rolls-Royce, come on!
297
00:15:37,260 --> 00:15:42,099
Ah, Johnny. And you two.
Come see her.
298
00:15:53,099 --> 00:15:54,699
And now!
299
00:15:57,179 --> 00:15:59,740
Will you two
take the covers off, my dear?
300
00:15:59,780 --> 00:16:01,699
I don't want to get dust
in my voice box.
301
00:16:01,740 --> 00:16:02,819
How is the actor's life?
302
00:16:02,859 --> 00:16:05,699
Oh, punishing, Pop.
It's all about finding the truth.
303
00:16:05,740 --> 00:16:08,620
Yeah, I bet it is, plus there's all
that pretending to be other people.
304
00:16:09,660 --> 00:16:10,740
Lights...
305
00:16:12,099 --> 00:16:14,219
..and curtain up!
306
00:16:19,819 --> 00:16:22,420
Bewitching, no? A sleeping giant.
307
00:16:23,660 --> 00:16:25,660
So, what do you reckon, darling?
Well, as I say...
308
00:16:25,699 --> 00:16:27,459
Sorry, not you. Victoria.
309
00:16:27,500 --> 00:16:29,660
She's a genius with the old mechanics.
310
00:16:32,219 --> 00:16:34,380
Death trap.
Oh. Oh.
311
00:16:34,420 --> 00:16:38,780
Huh. You see, Johnny,
you are at the top of your tree.
312
00:16:38,819 --> 00:16:40,660
Baubles. It's about the work.
313
00:16:40,699 --> 00:16:43,300
Yeah, but, so you don't want
a shoddy old car like this,
314
00:16:43,339 --> 00:16:45,579
lowering your artistic status.
315
00:16:45,620 --> 00:16:47,859
No, it's mainly dust.
316
00:16:47,900 --> 00:16:51,140
"Why, what is pomp, rule, reign,
but earth and dust?"
317
00:16:51,179 --> 00:16:53,740
Yeah, dust.
Yeah, that is a big worry.
318
00:16:53,780 --> 00:16:55,699
I can magic up a duster.
No, no, no, no.
319
00:16:55,740 --> 00:16:59,300
See, this is Kent automotive dust.
It's sticky.
320
00:16:59,339 --> 00:17:00,780
Sticky dust?
321
00:17:00,819 --> 00:17:03,219
Oh, yes, sticky is
the worst of the dusts. Yeah.
322
00:17:03,260 --> 00:17:05,459
You see, it goes, uh, sticky...
323
00:17:05,500 --> 00:17:06,780
Semi-sticky.
Semi-sticky.
324
00:17:06,819 --> 00:17:07,819
Standard.
Standard.
325
00:17:07,859 --> 00:17:09,339
Flyaway.
Flyaway.
326
00:17:09,380 --> 00:17:11,500
Yeah. Sorry, old darling.
327
00:17:11,540 --> 00:17:16,339
You failed your audition.
Oh, no, no, no. She can do it.
328
00:17:16,379 --> 00:17:17,460
Give her a chance.
329
00:17:21,500 --> 00:17:22,980
HE EXHALES
330
00:17:24,700 --> 00:17:26,859
30 guineas.
What? No, Dad.
331
00:17:26,899 --> 00:17:30,180
I know, I know. What am I doing?
332
00:17:31,740 --> 00:17:33,980
MA HUMS TO MUSIC
333
00:17:46,099 --> 00:17:47,940
CAR HORN BLASTS
334
00:17:56,579 --> 00:17:59,819
Dame Larkin, your Roller!
335
00:17:59,859 --> 00:18:01,740
AFFECTED VOICE: How delightful.
336
00:18:01,780 --> 00:18:03,619
Ha-ha! Spruce her up, team.
337
00:18:03,659 --> 00:18:05,180
Hey, what about that?
338
00:18:05,220 --> 00:18:06,220
SHE CHUCKLES
339
00:18:08,500 --> 00:18:10,700
KISSING
340
00:18:10,740 --> 00:18:12,899
AFFECTED VOICE: Where are you of to,
my darling?
341
00:18:13,940 --> 00:18:17,940
To see one of my ladies.
Too cruel.
342
00:18:17,980 --> 00:18:20,099
HE LAUGHS
343
00:18:20,139 --> 00:18:23,139
Well done, son.
Montgomery.
344
00:18:24,379 --> 00:18:27,579
I have got an artistic job
for you later.
345
00:18:33,379 --> 00:18:36,220
I think I might have given you
the impression I want to sell it,
346
00:18:36,260 --> 00:18:37,579
but I don't.
347
00:18:37,619 --> 00:18:40,099
You don't wanna live here.
Middle of nowhere.
348
00:18:40,139 --> 00:18:41,419
Bunch of rabbits for company.
349
00:18:41,460 --> 00:18:43,300
Yes, but as I say, I rather love it.
350
00:18:43,339 --> 00:18:44,700
You did say you need the money.
351
00:18:44,740 --> 00:18:46,859
It would be helpful, but I don't...
352
00:18:46,899 --> 00:18:49,020
Afternoon. May I be of assistance?
353
00:18:49,059 --> 00:18:50,220
No.
354
00:18:50,260 --> 00:18:52,740
This is Mr Larkin,
a good friend of mine.
355
00:18:52,780 --> 00:18:55,059
Mr Rance.
Ah.
356
00:18:55,099 --> 00:18:57,260
This lady and I have been
coming to an understanding
357
00:18:57,300 --> 00:18:58,379
about the sale of her home.
358
00:18:58,419 --> 00:19:00,740
Yes, well, it is
a very special house, yeah.
359
00:19:00,780 --> 00:19:02,260
Very damp, though.
360
00:19:02,300 --> 00:19:04,059
I mean, you could swim indoors
some winters.
361
00:19:04,099 --> 00:19:05,579
That's true.
Exactly.
362
00:19:05,619 --> 00:19:08,300
You'd be well rid of it.
I'll rip the guts out, anyway.
363
00:19:08,339 --> 00:19:11,859
Cladding. Tarmac. Tudor-look garage.
364
00:19:11,899 --> 00:19:14,540
Very nice, yeah. Very nice.
How much you offering?
365
00:19:14,579 --> 00:19:17,379
2,500.
HE INHALES
366
00:19:17,419 --> 00:19:19,579
Oh, that, Edith,
that is a very good price.
367
00:19:19,619 --> 00:19:21,379
Yeah, you won't get that
from anyone else.
368
00:19:23,899 --> 00:19:26,980
Oh.
Excellent. So, I have a contract.
369
00:19:28,819 --> 00:19:30,980
Now, I'll give you
20% of the purchase price
370
00:19:31,020 --> 00:19:32,180
if you sign it now.
371
00:19:34,780 --> 00:19:36,460
I'd rather think about it some more.
372
00:19:36,500 --> 00:19:39,180
No, go on, go on. Edith, sign it.
373
00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:40,940
Nice few readies,
you can rent somewhere.
374
00:19:59,339 --> 00:20:03,859
Tremendous. I'll bring the missus
down Monday, for a little shufty.
375
00:20:03,899 --> 00:20:05,540
Not gonna check if she likes it first?
376
00:20:05,579 --> 00:20:08,300
No. She does what I say.
377
00:20:09,419 --> 00:20:10,419
Nice.
378
00:20:19,980 --> 00:20:21,339
FAIRGROUND MUSIC
379
00:20:21,379 --> 00:20:22,379
BELL RINGS
380
00:20:24,659 --> 00:20:26,980
Wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
381
00:20:30,379 --> 00:20:32,740
No! He should take you as you are.
382
00:20:32,780 --> 00:20:34,379
I can't risk that.
383
00:20:43,940 --> 00:20:47,059
We posh now?
We will be in a minute.
384
00:20:56,859 --> 00:20:58,220
Is that him?
What? No!
385
00:20:58,260 --> 00:21:01,379
Good, cos I'd say shaking him off
would be a proper blessing.
386
00:21:01,419 --> 00:21:03,700
Eddie's beautiful.
387
00:21:14,579 --> 00:21:18,260
Hello.
How do?
388
00:21:18,300 --> 00:21:21,619
Remember me?
Yeah.
389
00:21:21,659 --> 00:21:24,300
Go away, please.
Eddie and I are an item.
390
00:21:24,339 --> 00:21:28,260
No, we're not.
Right, you go win a goldfish.
391
00:21:28,300 --> 00:21:31,339
You, we need a word in private.
392
00:21:31,379 --> 00:21:33,500
We kissed and you told me
393
00:21:33,540 --> 00:21:35,980
when I open my eyes,
it's like the sun coming out.
394
00:21:36,020 --> 00:21:37,780
Sounds like one of mine.
395
00:21:37,819 --> 00:21:40,500
We talked about the joys
of togetherness in all its forms.
396
00:21:40,540 --> 00:21:42,700
Nah, that must've been
you wittering on.
397
00:21:42,740 --> 00:21:44,859
Ugh!
398
00:21:45,940 --> 00:21:49,180
Eddie, I think we're incompatible.
399
00:21:49,220 --> 00:21:51,619
In where?
400
00:21:58,500 --> 00:22:01,819
Oh, well. We all make mistakes.
401
00:22:01,859 --> 00:22:03,780
GHOST TRAIN SPOOKY LAUGHTER
402
00:22:07,819 --> 00:22:11,419
Ah, is it
that time of the month again?
403
00:22:11,460 --> 00:22:13,460
Yes, it bloody is.
404
00:22:15,059 --> 00:22:16,460
Two bob. Pay up.
405
00:22:16,500 --> 00:22:18,500
What's in the parish magazine
this month?
406
00:22:18,540 --> 00:22:21,099
Usual crap. Got any gossip?
407
00:22:21,139 --> 00:22:26,139
Me? Never. I got coins in the motor.
408
00:22:27,940 --> 00:22:33,379
New chap's moved into the village.
Tom Fisher. Something in money.
409
00:22:33,419 --> 00:22:34,579
I heard.
410
00:22:34,619 --> 00:22:36,980
Word is he had a good look
at your Mariette.
411
00:22:38,139 --> 00:22:40,940
Bugger me, a Rolls-Royce.
Oh, this?
412
00:22:40,980 --> 00:22:43,619
Oh, we've been meaning to get one
for ages.
413
00:22:43,659 --> 00:22:46,659
Whose coat of arms is that?
Ours.
414
00:22:46,700 --> 00:22:50,260
The car comes with an earldom,
so technically, we're nobility now.
415
00:22:51,899 --> 00:22:55,059
How the hell does that work!?
I don't know.
416
00:22:55,099 --> 00:22:58,300
But you know us, we're not
interested in any of that baloney.
417
00:22:58,339 --> 00:23:02,300
Oh, Pop's left his book in the car!
418
00:23:02,339 --> 00:23:04,220
He can't read enough.
419
00:23:04,260 --> 00:23:07,339
It's Bronte this,
John Stuart Mill that.
420
00:23:07,379 --> 00:23:09,659
Two bob.
421
00:23:09,700 --> 00:23:13,899
You all right?
Yes. Thanks.
422
00:23:18,940 --> 00:23:20,659
CAR HORN BLASTS
423
00:23:21,980 --> 00:23:24,220
God be with you, Rev!
424
00:23:30,579 --> 00:23:33,260
It's a black and white TV,
so why do we all look mauve?
425
00:23:35,339 --> 00:23:38,260
Mm.
TV: 'Tonight, Prostitution.
426
00:23:38,300 --> 00:23:39,460
'What should we think?
427
00:23:39,500 --> 00:23:41,460
'What is to be done about these women?
428
00:23:41,500 --> 00:23:44,619
'Is it their fault?
Or the fault of the men?
429
00:23:44,659 --> 00:23:48,020
'If not, whose fault is it?'
430
00:23:48,059 --> 00:23:49,500
Strawberries are early this year.
431
00:23:49,540 --> 00:23:52,419
Yeah, this weather'll soon put the
paint on 'em. Any more custard, Ma?
432
00:23:52,460 --> 00:23:56,059
TV: 'I blame the men,
and their appetites.'
433
00:23:56,099 --> 00:23:59,700
PRIMROSE CRIES Oh, Primrose!
434
00:23:59,740 --> 00:24:04,540
Oh, darling, sweetheart.
Oh, it's only a boy.
435
00:24:04,579 --> 00:24:05,859
I thought you were over him?
436
00:24:05,899 --> 00:24:10,099
How can I be, he was so mean,
and I love him.
437
00:24:10,139 --> 00:24:13,859
I'll never love anyone again.
I feel so stupid.
438
00:24:13,899 --> 00:24:16,419
TV: 'Now an interview
with a practising lady,
439
00:24:16,460 --> 00:24:17,899
'whose face we have obscured.'
440
00:24:17,940 --> 00:24:20,300
Blimey.
It's gettin' a bit racy, isn't it?
441
00:24:20,339 --> 00:24:22,540
Let's watch the other side,
cheer you up a bit.
442
00:24:22,579 --> 00:24:24,940
TV: 'With its savoir faire
and je ne sais quoi,
443
00:24:24,980 --> 00:24:28,059
'where better than France to...'
What, France?
444
00:24:28,099 --> 00:24:32,500
Ugh! Ah, blimey!
Oh!
445
00:24:32,540 --> 00:24:34,020
LAUGHTER
446
00:24:34,059 --> 00:24:35,579
Watch it, you lot.
447
00:24:38,540 --> 00:24:40,540
They're shifty, those fairground folk.
448
00:24:40,579 --> 00:24:43,579
Yeah, you're better than them,
Primrose.
449
00:24:43,619 --> 00:24:47,940
No, no, no, no, no, she's not.
No-one is better than anyone.
450
00:24:47,980 --> 00:24:50,500
I think
it's time we had a bit of a chat
451
00:24:50,540 --> 00:24:51,940
about respect and snobbery.
452
00:24:53,220 --> 00:24:55,740
I lost the custardy battle.
THEY CHUCKLE
453
00:24:57,020 --> 00:25:00,260
Oh, Dad. It's hard to leave home.
So don't do it, then.
454
00:25:00,300 --> 00:25:03,579
It's too late,
I've already bought my suitcase.
455
00:25:04,659 --> 00:25:06,419
Come on.
Give us a hand with this.
456
00:25:06,460 --> 00:25:09,540
So, how d'you tell a boy
that you're not interested in him?
457
00:25:09,579 --> 00:25:12,819
Kindly, but firmly.
Firmly. Good.
458
00:25:12,859 --> 00:25:15,419
Montgomery, eh, eh, eh!
SHE SNAPS HER FINGERS
459
00:25:15,460 --> 00:25:17,819
If you really like a girl,
how should you approach her?
460
00:25:17,859 --> 00:25:19,859
Without scaring or embarrassing her.
461
00:25:19,899 --> 00:25:23,579
SHE SCOFFS He'll never manage that.
462
00:25:23,619 --> 00:25:27,099
Oh, he will, cos he's a nice boy.
You're a nice boy.
463
00:25:27,139 --> 00:25:28,940
And how should we judge people,
Victoria?
464
00:25:28,980 --> 00:25:31,540
How they are,
not how rich or la-di-da.
465
00:25:31,579 --> 00:25:35,099
Good.
So why have we bought a Rolls-Royce?
466
00:25:35,139 --> 00:25:38,419
To show that we aren't taking
any of that seriously.
467
00:25:38,460 --> 00:25:40,059
Doesn't it show the opposite?
468
00:25:41,180 --> 00:25:42,339
SHE SIGHS
469
00:25:45,780 --> 00:25:48,740
And the Rolls-Royce comes with
some sort of flaming earldom.
470
00:25:48,780 --> 00:25:50,500
Nah, it's more complicated than that.
471
00:25:50,540 --> 00:25:51,740
You calling me a liar?
472
00:25:51,780 --> 00:25:54,379
You're quite bolshie for a parson,
aren't ya?
473
00:25:54,419 --> 00:25:58,940
And Larkin can read.
He's got clever books on the go.
474
00:25:58,980 --> 00:26:02,419
Course he has. Stout fellow.
Would've made a lovely Gurkha.
475
00:26:08,980 --> 00:26:11,419
Good day.
Morning!
476
00:26:11,460 --> 00:26:12,740
How do.
All right?
477
00:26:12,780 --> 00:26:15,339
Morning.
478
00:26:15,379 --> 00:26:17,300
Glad to see new blood in the village.
479
00:26:17,339 --> 00:26:19,260
I should say.
480
00:26:19,300 --> 00:26:21,899
But why would he move here?
481
00:26:23,740 --> 00:26:25,419
Morning. What's the chatter?
482
00:26:25,460 --> 00:26:27,899
Pop Larkin's bought a Rolls-Royce.
483
00:26:27,940 --> 00:26:32,180
Oh! A cynical attempt to raise
their social status.
484
00:26:32,220 --> 00:26:34,139
And she accuses me of snobbery.
485
00:26:34,180 --> 00:26:36,379
Well, you can put a pig in a palace,
it's still a pig.
486
00:26:36,419 --> 00:26:37,619
SHE CHUCKLES
487
00:26:40,659 --> 00:26:43,980
I'd rather see Larkin explaining
his Rolls-Royce to the taxman.
488
00:26:44,020 --> 00:26:45,579
SHE LAUGHS
489
00:26:46,940 --> 00:26:48,899
Monsters.
490
00:26:51,780 --> 00:26:53,180
Afternoon, Miss Chand.
491
00:26:53,220 --> 00:26:55,619
Hello, dear. Posture!
492
00:26:57,780 --> 00:27:00,300
Waging war on your garden, Brigadier?
493
00:27:00,339 --> 00:27:03,260
Ah, yes, don't skimp on the gubbins.
Um...
494
00:27:04,339 --> 00:27:08,700
Can I talk to you
and your sister about... the world?
495
00:27:08,740 --> 00:27:10,180
Stay home.
496
00:27:10,220 --> 00:27:12,379
Biggest mistake of my life,
moving here.
497
00:27:12,419 --> 00:27:14,819
Are we definitely related?
498
00:27:14,859 --> 00:27:18,339
You don't want at 60 years old
to have those what-might-have-beens.
499
00:27:18,379 --> 00:27:21,099
But what if instead she gets
the what-the-hell-was-I-doings?
500
00:27:21,139 --> 00:27:23,300
They're rarer than
the what-might-have-beens,
501
00:27:23,339 --> 00:27:26,220
to even there-must-be-more-to-life-
than-this-please-Gods.
502
00:27:26,260 --> 00:27:29,379
Mum and Dad are contented
and they've barely been to London.
503
00:27:29,419 --> 00:27:30,659
But the world is changing.
504
00:27:30,700 --> 00:27:34,540
And she opens her arms to the brave,
the resourceful and the beautiful.
505
00:27:35,659 --> 00:27:38,740
Where are you thinking of going?
France.
506
00:27:38,780 --> 00:27:41,619
Are you insane?!
Oh, heavens, don't go there!
507
00:27:43,260 --> 00:27:44,819
SHE CHUCKLES
508
00:27:44,859 --> 00:27:47,260
Cheers, Kent. Hey, lads!
509
00:27:47,300 --> 00:27:50,099
Good afternoon. Postie.
You all right? Fine, thank you.
510
00:27:50,139 --> 00:27:52,419
Congratulations, Mr, Larkin!
511
00:27:52,460 --> 00:27:54,020
Oh, thanks, Libby. What for?
512
00:27:54,059 --> 00:27:56,300
I hear the Larkins
are landed gentry now.
513
00:27:56,339 --> 00:27:58,139
Well, we got land, but...
514
00:27:58,180 --> 00:28:00,659
And that you are actually
a bit of an intellectual.
515
00:28:00,700 --> 00:28:03,180
Well, that don't sound like me.
Who says that?
516
00:28:03,220 --> 00:28:05,819
Um. Oh, I don't know, word-of-mouth.
517
00:28:07,619 --> 00:28:09,940
The vicar.
Huh.
518
00:28:22,899 --> 00:28:25,540
Mariette.
Pauline.
519
00:28:25,579 --> 00:28:28,099
Looking forward to the strawberry
picking? Get some sun on us.
520
00:28:28,139 --> 00:28:29,540
Get the lads panting.
521
00:28:29,579 --> 00:28:32,659
I hear your Pop's helping out
Miss Pilchester.
522
00:28:32,700 --> 00:28:33,940
What's that supposed to mean?
523
00:28:33,980 --> 00:28:36,139
Does it sound like it means anything?
524
00:28:36,180 --> 00:28:38,659
No, but it won't stop you, Pauline.
525
00:28:38,700 --> 00:28:41,059
And I hear you're scooting off
at the end of the month.
526
00:28:41,099 --> 00:28:43,740
Where'd you get that from?
You bought yourself a suitcase.
527
00:28:43,780 --> 00:28:44,980
Maybe that's why I'm leaving.
528
00:28:45,020 --> 00:28:47,260
Can't buy a suitcase without
everyone talking about it.
529
00:28:47,300 --> 00:28:50,980
So you're giving me a clear run
at the new mystery fella, Tom.
530
00:28:51,020 --> 00:28:54,859
What? Yes, I am.
I'm off boys, anyway.
531
00:28:54,899 --> 00:28:57,020
Too much like hard work.
532
00:28:57,059 --> 00:29:00,020
You know,
I'd think twice about quitting here.
533
00:29:00,059 --> 00:29:03,379
My sister made it as far as Dover,
got up the duff,
534
00:29:03,419 --> 00:29:06,460
had to wed an alky tosspot,
now she looks 50.
535
00:29:06,500 --> 00:29:10,020
Thanks. Face like a gargoyle,
too proud to come home.
536
00:29:10,059 --> 00:29:12,619
You're just making me want to leave
all the more.
537
00:29:12,659 --> 00:29:14,220
SHE CLICKS HER TONGUE
538
00:29:25,059 --> 00:29:28,780
Oh, wait, let me nip to our library
for a couple o'Prousts,
539
00:29:28,819 --> 00:29:30,659
and a gawp at our coat of arms (!)
540
00:29:30,700 --> 00:29:32,460
All right, I'm sorry.
541
00:29:32,500 --> 00:29:39,379
Well, don't be. Remember,
Nanny always says never apologise.
542
00:29:39,419 --> 00:29:40,819
THEY LAUGH
543
00:29:44,659 --> 00:29:48,899
I know, I just hate it when people
are rude about the man I love.
544
00:29:48,940 --> 00:29:50,859
Yeah.
545
00:29:50,899 --> 00:29:53,819
Well, you can't please everyone
all the time, can ya? Mm.
546
00:29:54,980 --> 00:30:00,859
Except, you do please me
all the time. Aw.
547
00:30:03,579 --> 00:30:07,980
Oh, then there's Mariette off,
and Primrose all torn up.
548
00:30:08,020 --> 00:30:10,540
And Alec Norman hitting our boy.
549
00:30:10,579 --> 00:30:11,659
I know, I know.
550
00:30:11,700 --> 00:30:15,220
But don't worry, Ma,
me and Montgomery haven't forgotten.
551
00:30:18,700 --> 00:30:22,260
The folk we like like us and vicey
versey, and that's what matters.
552
00:30:22,300 --> 00:30:24,139
Mm-hm, mm.
Right?
553
00:30:25,379 --> 00:30:27,500
Like Edith Pilchester.
554
00:30:27,540 --> 00:30:29,940
I'm helping her out
at her house tomorrow.
555
00:30:29,980 --> 00:30:33,059
She's in love with you, you know?
And who can blame her?
556
00:30:34,379 --> 00:30:35,940
You've got your admirers.
557
00:30:37,220 --> 00:30:39,859
If I fell in the chipper, they'd be
queuing up round the block.
558
00:30:45,579 --> 00:30:47,899
You know what, Ma?
Hm?
559
00:30:49,899 --> 00:30:52,260
It's love what gets us out of bed
in the morning.
560
00:30:52,300 --> 00:30:57,220
Hm. Tell Primrose that,
but, yeah, true.
561
00:30:59,260 --> 00:31:01,500
That's why
I can't bear to see Mariette go.
562
00:31:01,540 --> 00:31:06,500
I know, but it's wrong to trap
a butterfly if it wants to fly away.
563
00:31:08,659 --> 00:31:11,220
Maybe not.
Got a good feeling about tomorrow.
564
00:31:11,260 --> 00:31:14,659
May Day. Start of a glorious summer.
565
00:31:20,980 --> 00:31:24,059
CHOPPING, BIRDS SINGING,
WIND BLOWS THROUGH FOLIAGE
566
00:31:34,300 --> 00:31:36,419
MUSIC PLAYS
567
00:31:36,460 --> 00:31:38,619
Not bad!
Ah!
568
00:31:45,419 --> 00:31:48,500
Was this here last time?
No!
569
00:31:48,540 --> 00:31:50,059
I was only here the other day!
570
00:31:50,099 --> 00:31:51,619
What the?
571
00:31:54,619 --> 00:31:58,260
Wait! Wait.
Come on.
572
00:31:59,819 --> 00:32:03,020
I saw two badgers playing here
in the moonlight last night.
573
00:32:03,059 --> 00:32:05,940
Oh, you gotta love a badger.
Body of a beaver, head of a zebra.
574
00:32:05,980 --> 00:32:09,659
Mm! And the shy decency
of a good butler, I always think.
575
00:32:09,700 --> 00:32:10,980
Ah.
576
00:32:13,419 --> 00:32:15,740
Time to face the music.
577
00:32:15,780 --> 00:32:18,659
Here! What's going on? I can't get
my Triumph up to the house.
578
00:32:18,700 --> 00:32:20,859
Yeah, cos there's a tree
in the way now.
579
00:32:20,899 --> 00:32:22,500
I need access if I'm buying the house.
580
00:32:22,540 --> 00:32:24,700
True, yeah.
Very true.
581
00:32:24,740 --> 00:32:26,059
Would you like some coffee, dear?
582
00:32:26,099 --> 00:32:28,260
Oh, thanks,
if you're having one as well.
583
00:32:28,300 --> 00:32:29,619
No, she don't want no coffee.
584
00:32:29,659 --> 00:32:31,220
Not till I get some sense out of you.
585
00:32:31,260 --> 00:32:34,059
Let's have a stroll
around the property, shall we? Come.
586
00:32:36,059 --> 00:32:38,059
Now, I don't know
what you're trying to pull,
587
00:32:38,099 --> 00:32:41,020
but your girlfriend
signed a contract of sale. Ah.
588
00:32:41,059 --> 00:32:43,540
Cracking bluebells, look.
That's my land, that. Yeah.
589
00:32:43,579 --> 00:32:45,260
You fascinate me (!)
590
00:32:45,300 --> 00:32:48,139
And that's Victoria,
this is my land this side, too.
591
00:32:48,180 --> 00:32:52,899
And, oh, I forgot...
that's my land over there, too.
592
00:32:52,940 --> 00:32:54,899
LARKIN LAUGHS
593
00:32:54,940 --> 00:33:01,220
So, you see, it looks like
my land goes all the way round
594
00:33:01,260 --> 00:33:03,260
this beautiful little cottage.
595
00:33:05,419 --> 00:33:07,099
And you can't get access
without my say-so,
596
00:33:07,139 --> 00:33:08,260
which I'm not gonna give.
597
00:33:08,300 --> 00:33:12,540
So, go ahead, buy Edith's cottage,
but you can't get to it...
598
00:33:13,700 --> 00:33:15,020
..unless you go by helicopter.
599
00:33:16,819 --> 00:33:17,859
Oh, well.
600
00:33:19,419 --> 00:33:22,300
I want my deposit back, then.
No, no, you won't.
601
00:33:22,339 --> 00:33:25,099
You see, because it's you
that's cancelling the sale.
602
00:33:25,139 --> 00:33:27,339
What?!
But, I'll tell you what.
603
00:33:27,379 --> 00:33:30,780
Just to show that us country types
aren't as greedy as you,
604
00:33:30,819 --> 00:33:33,980
we will give you back half your cash
605
00:33:34,020 --> 00:33:37,099
if you leave now and never come back.
606
00:33:37,139 --> 00:33:39,540
What about that?
607
00:33:43,899 --> 00:33:46,020
Now, darlin', you have it.
608
00:33:47,819 --> 00:33:48,940
Edith.
609
00:34:07,540 --> 00:34:08,940
Morning, Eddie.
610
00:34:15,099 --> 00:34:18,180
I need you to do something for me.
Oh, yeah, what?
611
00:34:18,220 --> 00:34:21,459
Write to my sister Primrose
saying sorry, and she's adorable,
612
00:34:21,499 --> 00:34:25,019
but you work away,
so your love cannot be.
613
00:34:25,060 --> 00:34:26,300
Get out of here.
614
00:34:26,339 --> 00:34:27,780
Look, you're the person you are,
615
00:34:27,819 --> 00:34:30,220
but she's only 16 and she's romantic.
616
00:34:30,260 --> 00:34:31,660
I'd like you to let her down gently.
617
00:34:31,700 --> 00:34:34,819
Oh, I get it. You fancy me.
618
00:34:34,859 --> 00:34:37,899
Tell you what,
let's go round the back.
619
00:34:40,899 --> 00:34:43,019
Yeah. All right.
620
00:35:01,979 --> 00:35:04,140
Let's get writing.
621
00:35:06,459 --> 00:35:08,740
I can't thank you enough.
Oh.
622
00:35:08,780 --> 00:35:10,939
I might go mad
and buy some fripperies.
623
00:35:10,979 --> 00:35:13,979
I should cocoa. Time to celebrate
the month of May!
624
00:35:14,019 --> 00:35:15,620
MORRIS MUSIC
625
00:35:26,740 --> 00:35:30,660
OK, keep moving, keep moving,
keep moving. Under and over, yes.
626
00:35:30,700 --> 00:35:33,379
Good, smoothly. OK.
627
00:35:33,419 --> 00:35:35,339
Oh, my goodness.
628
00:35:35,379 --> 00:35:38,499
Stop! Stop!
Before there's a strangling.
629
00:35:56,700 --> 00:35:59,539
MORRIS DANCERS: Hey!
APPLAUSE
630
00:36:03,979 --> 00:36:07,459
Testing. I'm Alec Norman. Testing.
631
00:36:07,499 --> 00:36:10,819
I'm Alec Norman. Alec. Alec Norman.
632
00:36:12,539 --> 00:36:14,899
Tickets for the tombola!
Lots of fun.
633
00:36:14,939 --> 00:36:16,419
Super knick-knacks.
634
00:36:16,459 --> 00:36:19,660
Raise money for sad horses.
And hounds.
635
00:36:19,700 --> 00:36:22,539
And the fire brigade, and so on.
636
00:36:22,580 --> 00:36:24,100
FEEDBACK
637
00:36:25,140 --> 00:36:27,740
Good afternoon. I'm Johnny Delaware.
638
00:36:27,780 --> 00:36:30,580
CLAPPING You're too kind.
639
00:36:30,620 --> 00:36:34,939
And as your local VIP... Madness.
I'm deeply honoured
640
00:36:34,979 --> 00:36:40,100
to be asked to host
the 1958 May Day festivities!
641
00:36:40,140 --> 00:36:41,740
CLAPPING
642
00:36:41,780 --> 00:36:43,740
And to quote the Bard of Avon,
643
00:36:43,780 --> 00:36:46,700
"Shall I compare thee
to a summer's day?
644
00:36:46,740 --> 00:36:49,859
"Thou art..."
DOG BARKS
645
00:36:49,899 --> 00:36:53,780
"Thou art more lovely
and more temperate."
646
00:36:53,819 --> 00:36:55,140
DOG BARKS
647
00:36:55,180 --> 00:36:58,260
"Rough winds do shake..."
HE WHISPERS: Shut up!
648
00:36:58,300 --> 00:37:02,019
"..do shake
the darling buds of May,
649
00:37:02,060 --> 00:37:05,700
"and summer's lease
hath all too short a date."
650
00:37:05,740 --> 00:37:07,539
APPLAUSE
651
00:37:07,580 --> 00:37:09,979
Help yourself, gentlemen.
Pace yourselves, though.
652
00:37:10,019 --> 00:37:12,300
Don't want any chundering
in front of the kiddies.
653
00:37:12,339 --> 00:37:16,060
Present for you, Ma.
Thanks, Da. You're welcome.
654
00:37:16,100 --> 00:37:17,740
MORRIS MUSIC
655
00:37:22,780 --> 00:37:25,180
The next shift
have started on the maypole,
656
00:37:25,220 --> 00:37:27,379
showing the schoolchildren
how to do it properly.
657
00:37:27,419 --> 00:37:30,180
LAUGHTER Ah, Pop Larkin.
658
00:37:30,220 --> 00:37:32,819
You must be Tom.
Oh, how can you tell?
659
00:37:32,859 --> 00:37:35,859
Handsome, intelligent-looking.
Thank you.
660
00:37:35,899 --> 00:37:38,260
No, it's all about me.
You just look like a Tom.
661
00:37:38,300 --> 00:37:39,939
LAUGHTER I'm only joking.
662
00:37:41,140 --> 00:37:45,899
Oi, Pop, I think your status as most
dishy villager is under threat.
663
00:37:45,939 --> 00:37:47,700
Oh, thank you.
664
00:37:47,740 --> 00:37:51,539
Yeah, Brigadier over there's
looking lovely in that jacket.
665
00:37:51,580 --> 00:37:54,859
I can see I'm gonna have to watch
myself around you Larkins.
666
00:37:54,899 --> 00:37:55,979
LAUGHTER
667
00:37:56,019 --> 00:37:58,499
OVER MICROPHONE: 'And now
the fundraising extravaganza.
668
00:37:58,539 --> 00:38:01,019
'The charity auction
of donated items.'
669
00:38:01,060 --> 00:38:06,019
And so, what am I bid
for this... spinning wheel?
670
00:38:06,060 --> 00:38:09,339
It's a good cause.
You can make your own robes.
671
00:38:09,379 --> 00:38:11,539
Fiver!
672
00:38:11,580 --> 00:38:14,620
£5 to Mr Larkin. Sold!
673
00:38:14,660 --> 00:38:18,539
'Right, we're underway.
And the next one.
674
00:38:18,580 --> 00:38:21,859
'A bag of golf clubs.
Sold to Mr Larkin!
675
00:38:21,899 --> 00:38:24,339
'Once again, most generous.'
676
00:38:24,379 --> 00:38:27,100
Hello.
Oh, hello.
677
00:38:27,140 --> 00:38:28,660
I recommend the pot plant stall.
678
00:38:28,700 --> 00:38:31,140
They straightened me right out
about hollyhocks.
679
00:38:31,180 --> 00:38:33,700
Oh, glad you're being looked after.
680
00:38:38,979 --> 00:38:40,899
Is that too familiar of me?
681
00:38:40,939 --> 00:38:43,100
Yes. Shame on you.
682
00:38:46,780 --> 00:38:49,939
APPLAUSE
'Sold! Once again, most generous.'
683
00:38:49,979 --> 00:38:51,939
HE SCOFFS Popularity's cheap.
684
00:38:51,979 --> 00:38:56,260
Oh, we're just trying to spread it
about a bit. Why don't you join in?
685
00:38:56,300 --> 00:38:59,100
I'd rather keep my house free of tat.
686
00:39:00,740 --> 00:39:03,339
Ooh. Ooh, I like that.
687
00:39:03,379 --> 00:39:05,700
Hm. Is that a Turner? Yeah.
688
00:39:05,740 --> 00:39:09,260
Local artist, of course,
from down Margate way. Yeah.
689
00:39:09,300 --> 00:39:11,060
And what am I bid for this painting?
690
00:39:11,100 --> 00:39:12,899
It's a seascape.
691
00:39:12,939 --> 00:39:16,100
I'd have added a boat,
or a lighthouse, or something,
692
00:39:16,140 --> 00:39:18,740
but that's just me.
50 quid.
693
00:39:18,780 --> 00:39:20,700
Ooh!
APPLAUSE
694
00:39:22,660 --> 00:39:25,539
£100.
Oh! Ah!
695
00:39:25,580 --> 00:39:29,819
£200.
APPLAUSE
696
00:39:29,859 --> 00:39:31,620
The drama of it.
It's against you, sir.
697
00:39:35,419 --> 00:39:38,220
250.
ALL: Ooh.
698
00:39:41,580 --> 00:39:42,819
Ah...
699
00:39:43,979 --> 00:39:49,339
£250, sold!
Gosh, that's a lot of money.
700
00:39:49,379 --> 00:39:50,899
APPLAUSE
701
00:39:50,939 --> 00:39:56,379
Fair play, Alec.
Can't compete with that. Well done.
702
00:39:56,419 --> 00:39:57,620
CHUCKLING
703
00:39:59,700 --> 00:40:01,419
I think you'll find it's a Turner.
704
00:40:05,939 --> 00:40:07,539
Hello, gorgeous.
What you been up to?
705
00:40:07,580 --> 00:40:11,539
Settling a score for Primrose.
Kindly, but firmly.
706
00:40:11,580 --> 00:40:13,419
And? Still leaving home?
707
00:40:13,459 --> 00:40:19,100
Yes. I'm sorry, Dad, but I don't
wanna end up like Miss Pilchester.
708
00:40:19,140 --> 00:40:23,019
I know everything about the farm,
the village, the people in it.
709
00:40:23,060 --> 00:40:24,660
Nothing ever happens.
710
00:40:24,700 --> 00:40:27,180
Doesn't it?
711
00:40:27,220 --> 00:40:29,060
Come on. Let's take a walk, eh?
712
00:40:29,100 --> 00:40:31,339
Come on.
713
00:40:31,379 --> 00:40:34,620
It's hot, isn't it?
Oh, is that for me? Ta.
714
00:40:36,140 --> 00:40:39,100
Right, so where are we going, Pop?
Come on, I'll show you.
715
00:40:39,140 --> 00:40:41,019
Just look at that, Mariette.
716
00:40:41,060 --> 00:40:44,140
A common-or-garden village river,
right? Looks dull, doesn't it?
717
00:40:44,180 --> 00:40:46,100
But when I was your age,
it completely dried up.
718
00:40:46,140 --> 00:40:48,260
Guess what we found there.
719
00:40:48,300 --> 00:40:52,140
A man's skeleton, a cat-fish
the size of a Shetland pony
720
00:40:52,180 --> 00:40:56,180
and 38 size-12 shoes. I tell you!
721
00:40:56,220 --> 00:40:59,180
And my Dad is on the troop train,
722
00:40:59,220 --> 00:41:03,979
and he's coming back from the
Great War after four years, right?
723
00:41:04,019 --> 00:41:08,620
And he steps off the train,
and we rush at him, the lot of us.
724
00:41:08,660 --> 00:41:10,620
The kids all hugging him,
clawing at him.
725
00:41:10,660 --> 00:41:14,260
And my Mum starts kissing him
all over... Oh, Dad.
726
00:41:14,300 --> 00:41:17,019
..and then we realise
it's the wrong bloke.
727
00:41:17,060 --> 00:41:19,220
And your gran has to climb off him,
728
00:41:19,260 --> 00:41:22,260
and then I seem my dad and realise
he's much taller than I remember.
729
00:41:22,300 --> 00:41:24,140
Oh, crikey, I've got so many stories,
730
00:41:24,180 --> 00:41:25,580
I don't know where to start.
731
00:41:25,620 --> 00:41:27,819
I mean, uh, oh, yeah.
732
00:41:27,859 --> 00:41:31,459
Right, so, my mate says
he's gonna marry the first woman
733
00:41:31,499 --> 00:41:33,379
who comes around this very corner,
734
00:41:33,419 --> 00:41:36,660
who's single
and aged between 20 and 40.
735
00:41:36,700 --> 00:41:38,620
He agrees, by the way,
whoever it is, right?
736
00:41:38,660 --> 00:41:41,260
So we're all waiting out here,
tense, like, cos he means it,
737
00:41:41,300 --> 00:41:43,459
and guess who comes around the corner?
738
00:41:43,499 --> 00:41:47,060
The mobile librarian.
No. The mobile librarian.
739
00:41:47,100 --> 00:41:49,339
And they're still married today.
What? And happy?
740
00:41:49,379 --> 00:41:52,899
Yep.
We're doing all right, most days.
741
00:41:52,939 --> 00:41:54,660
You, Reg?!
742
00:41:57,339 --> 00:41:59,660
Why have I never heard
all this before, Dad?
743
00:41:59,700 --> 00:42:03,339
You know, because, Mariette...
Come on.
744
00:42:05,140 --> 00:42:07,459
..a village is alive.
745
00:42:07,499 --> 00:42:11,260
And you think that
it's said everything to you...
746
00:42:11,300 --> 00:42:12,899
but there's always more.
747
00:42:12,939 --> 00:42:16,580
More stories, secrets, weirdness, joy.
748
00:42:16,620 --> 00:42:21,379
And I'd love you to carry on
being a part of it, with us.
749
00:42:21,419 --> 00:42:22,499
Yeah?
750
00:42:26,060 --> 00:42:28,220
Well, I guess
I need to think about that, then.
751
00:42:29,419 --> 00:42:31,019
Good girl.
752
00:42:38,419 --> 00:42:41,419
There you go.
Thank you, Mrs Larkin.
753
00:42:46,300 --> 00:42:49,580
Cheque for £250, Treasurer.
754
00:42:49,620 --> 00:42:52,459
Never let it be said
I don't do my bit.
755
00:42:53,780 --> 00:42:57,180
I heard someone paid loads
for my painting. Was the paint dry?
756
00:42:58,419 --> 00:43:01,700
Not a Turner? Who'd have thought?
757
00:43:01,740 --> 00:43:04,379
Better still,
it's a Montgomery Larkin.
758
00:43:04,419 --> 00:43:08,859
What?! I paid 250 nicker
for a kid's ruddy painting!
759
00:43:08,899 --> 00:43:11,060
Someone's asking
for a kick up the jacksie!
760
00:43:11,100 --> 00:43:12,899
A bit common!
761
00:43:12,939 --> 00:43:16,100
I, for one, will take great pleasure
in driving you Larkins
762
00:43:16,140 --> 00:43:20,140
out of this God-forsaken village!
BOOING
763
00:43:23,379 --> 00:43:25,180
FEEDBACK
764
00:43:27,019 --> 00:43:28,580
No!
765
00:43:30,859 --> 00:43:33,899
Hey, come on, turn around.
BOOING CONTINUES
766
00:43:37,620 --> 00:43:39,379
CLEARS THROAT
SHOUTS: Quiet!
767
00:43:41,339 --> 00:43:44,339
In recognition of
the generosity of Mr Larkin
768
00:43:44,379 --> 00:43:46,620
and for services to the village,
769
00:43:46,660 --> 00:43:50,379
we name him our new Master of Hounds.
770
00:43:50,419 --> 00:43:52,220
APPLAUSE
771
00:43:52,260 --> 00:43:55,660
Well, thank you, kindly,
but I'm not interested.
772
00:43:55,700 --> 00:43:58,499
Tell you what, Ma'll do it, though.
Oh!
773
00:43:58,539 --> 00:44:00,700
APPLAUSE,
SHE CHUCKLES
774
00:44:00,740 --> 00:44:03,140
I'm not one for titles, but...
CRACKS WHIP
775
00:44:03,180 --> 00:44:05,620
ALL: Oh!
776
00:44:05,660 --> 00:44:07,499
Nah! As you were.
777
00:44:07,539 --> 00:44:10,300
Brigadier, you do it.
Me?
778
00:44:11,979 --> 00:44:13,419
APPLAUSE
779
00:44:17,019 --> 00:44:19,580
Thank you.
APPLAUSE
780
00:44:27,580 --> 00:44:32,019
I'm still leaving... but I'll stay
till the end of the summer.
781
00:44:35,180 --> 00:44:36,700
Excuse me.
782
00:44:38,939 --> 00:44:42,899
Come here, you little beauty!
MA LAUGHS
783
00:44:53,819 --> 00:44:56,499
Now, that's what I call
a good day out.
784
00:44:56,539 --> 00:44:58,979
Home always looks perfect, though,
don't it, Ma?
785
00:44:59,019 --> 00:45:02,060
Yeah. Come on, kids.
786
00:45:02,100 --> 00:45:03,660
Let's grab some food. We...
787
00:45:05,140 --> 00:45:08,339
Oh, hello.
Uh, uh, Mr Sidney Larkin? Yeah.
788
00:45:08,379 --> 00:45:10,979
Larkin by name, Larkin by nature.
789
00:45:11,019 --> 00:45:14,260
Cedric Charlton, I'm from the
Office of the Inspector of Taxes.
790
00:45:14,300 --> 00:45:16,459
Oh, yeah?
791
00:45:16,499 --> 00:45:19,740
Oh, uh, uh, sorry, um, well,
according to our records
792
00:45:19,780 --> 00:45:22,620
you have made no return of income
for the past year.
793
00:45:22,660 --> 00:45:26,580
Haven't I?
Or, uh, indeed, ever.
794
00:45:26,620 --> 00:45:30,300
Ah, well, that's probably cos
we don't have any income. Do we, Ma?
795
00:45:30,339 --> 00:45:33,060
Income? Yeah. Outcome, more like,
with our expenses.
796
00:45:33,100 --> 00:45:37,539
Mm-hm. Well, I'm afraid that
I anticipate that you may owe
797
00:45:37,580 --> 00:45:38,859
a rather large sum in tax.
798
00:45:38,899 --> 00:45:41,180
Well, you know what, Mr...?
Charlton.
799
00:45:41,220 --> 00:45:42,660
..Charlton, we can talk about that.
800
00:45:42,700 --> 00:45:44,580
Why don't you come inside
and have some tea, eh?
801
00:45:44,620 --> 00:45:46,060
We're starving. Come on, let's go.
802
00:45:46,100 --> 00:45:49,979
Come on, everyone.
No, uh, sor... Well, actually, we...
803
00:45:56,580 --> 00:45:59,379
You need to fill out this form.
Form? A yellow one.
804
00:45:59,419 --> 00:46:02,580
We've sent a few.
Oh, Ma, we had a form?
805
00:46:02,620 --> 00:46:04,780
You ever see a form?
Never seen one. Surely never.
806
00:46:04,819 --> 00:46:07,979
Nope. Never had no form. Ma says so.
807
00:46:08,019 --> 00:46:10,740
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