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1
00:00:02,663 --> 00:00:05,592
Wow. Independence Rock.
2
00:00:05,616 --> 00:00:07,061
Glorious, isn't she?
3
00:00:07,561 --> 00:00:09,295
Kinda looks like a turd to me.
4
00:00:09,395 --> 00:00:11,172
And not a solid turd, either.
5
00:00:11,272 --> 00:00:12,507
Just a sad loosey.
6
00:00:12,607 --> 00:00:14,008
It is not a sad loosey.
7
00:00:14,108 --> 00:00:16,553
Independence Rock marks the
halfway point of our journey.
8
00:00:16,653 --> 00:00:18,722
If we can make it there
by the 4th of July
9
00:00:18,822 --> 00:00:21,350
it means we're on track to
get to Oregon before winter.
10
00:00:21,450 --> 00:00:23,561
That's tomorrow.
We'll never make that.
11
00:00:23,661 --> 00:00:25,563
We may not make it in one piece,
12
00:00:25,663 --> 00:00:29,108
but I'll get us there in time.
13
00:00:29,208 --> 00:00:30,401
Strap in.
14
00:00:30,501 --> 00:00:35,214
It's about to get bumpy.
15
00:00:38,050 --> 00:00:45,334
♪♪♪
16
00:00:45,434 --> 00:00:47,252
- [reins snap]
- Hyah!
17
00:00:47,352 --> 00:00:50,355
Y'all hang on tight, Rev.
18
00:00:51,106 --> 00:00:52,633
[oxen moo]
19
00:00:52,733 --> 00:00:54,093
You do realise we're still going
20
00:00:54,193 --> 00:00:55,094
incredibly slowly, right?
21
00:00:55,194 --> 00:00:56,929
These oxen are
really humming now.
22
00:00:57,029 --> 00:00:59,056
I mean, we can only be going, uh
23
00:00:59,156 --> 00:01:01,226
four, five miles an hour, tops.
24
00:01:01,326 --> 00:01:02,435
Stay with me, baby!
25
00:01:02,535 --> 00:01:05,497
Yeah, I'm probably just
gonna get out and walk.
26
00:01:05,622 --> 00:01:07,690
See you guys at
Independence Rock, I guess.
27
00:01:07,790 --> 00:01:09,025
BENNY: Yee-haw!
28
00:01:09,125 --> 00:01:12,671
[theme music plays]
29
00:01:39,324 --> 00:01:42,702
♪♪♪
30
00:01:46,414 --> 00:01:49,610
Isn't it wonderful? All
these brave pioneers
31
00:01:49,710 --> 00:01:51,195
taking a break from the trail
32
00:01:51,295 --> 00:01:53,739
to celebrate our
great nation by...
33
00:01:53,839 --> 00:01:55,408
Gettin' drunk!
34
00:01:55,508 --> 00:01:57,802
[loud clattering]
35
00:01:58,302 --> 00:01:59,302
All right, come on!
36
00:01:59,387 --> 00:02:00,531
Who's ready for some ale pong?
37
00:02:00,555 --> 00:02:03,459
I'm trying to get
blackout by breakfast.
38
00:02:03,559 --> 00:02:04,751
Farmer John, you're up first.
39
00:02:04,851 --> 00:02:06,002
Come on, bitch.
40
00:02:06,102 --> 00:02:10,274
Hit me with another buffalo
slider, Granny McGill.
41
00:02:11,733 --> 00:02:13,677
A little early to be
hitting the red meat, no?
42
00:02:13,777 --> 00:02:15,554
I usually spend 4th
of July with Zeke,
43
00:02:15,654 --> 00:02:18,307
but he's in his honeymoon
wagon with Phaedra,
44
00:02:18,407 --> 00:02:20,058
leaving me to eat my feelings.
45
00:02:20,158 --> 00:02:22,437
In that case, make it two.
46
00:02:22,537 --> 00:02:25,022
Oh, yeah? What's your problem?
47
00:02:25,122 --> 00:02:26,524
I'm just bummed that Trig
48
00:02:26,624 --> 00:02:29,027
never wants to
see me ever again.
49
00:02:29,127 --> 00:02:31,196
You know, in some ways,
the emotional hurt
50
00:02:31,296 --> 00:02:33,574
is worse than the bullets
she put in my back.
51
00:02:33,674 --> 00:02:36,034
Well, no. The bullets
were actually much worse.
52
00:02:36,134 --> 00:02:39,680
I still have one lodged in
my spine that's sheer agony.
53
00:02:40,723 --> 00:02:41,290
Hey, Uncle Benny!
54
00:02:41,390 --> 00:02:43,000
Will you take us
around the fair?
55
00:02:43,100 --> 00:02:44,460
Okay, squirt, I
keep telling you...
56
00:02:44,518 --> 00:02:46,712
I'm not Uncle Benny.
I'm Benny the Teen,
57
00:02:46,812 --> 00:02:49,131
the most feared outlaw alive.
58
00:02:49,231 --> 00:02:49,716
Please?
59
00:02:49,816 --> 00:02:52,109
CHILDREN: Please?
60
00:02:53,110 --> 00:02:54,387
All right, you win.
61
00:02:54,487 --> 00:02:57,807
But if I hear one word about
balloon hats, I'll shoot you.
62
00:02:57,907 --> 00:03:00,493
[giggles] Yes!
63
00:03:01,828 --> 00:03:03,522
Oh, Zeke!
64
00:03:03,622 --> 00:03:05,775
- [sighs]
- Happy 4th.
65
00:03:05,875 --> 00:03:07,777
Mm. Happy 4th to you, too.
66
00:03:07,877 --> 00:03:10,070
Whoo. Don't get too excited.
67
00:03:10,170 --> 00:03:12,030
I'm sorry, I am just exhausted.
68
00:03:12,130 --> 00:03:14,408
Phaedra and I have been
going at it all night.
69
00:03:14,508 --> 00:03:16,577
Oh, don't paint
the whole picture.
70
00:03:16,677 --> 00:03:18,704
No, no, it's not
that. We were praying.
71
00:03:18,804 --> 00:03:19,580
And don't get me wrong...
72
00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:23,084
I like praying as much as
the next God-fearing man.
73
00:03:23,184 --> 00:03:24,418
Twice a day, maybe three times
74
00:03:24,518 --> 00:03:25,538
if I have a snack in the middle.
75
00:03:25,562 --> 00:03:27,381
But I just wish there
was something else
76
00:03:27,481 --> 00:03:28,681
we could connect on, you know?
77
00:03:28,774 --> 00:03:31,176
Well, hey, why don't you
just forget about all that?
78
00:03:31,276 --> 00:03:32,587
Okay, this is our
favourite holiday!
79
00:03:32,611 --> 00:03:34,721
Let's go get into some
classic Prudence/Zeke hijinks.
80
00:03:34,821 --> 00:03:36,724
- Hey, that's a great idea.
- Yeah.
81
00:03:36,824 --> 00:03:39,101
- And I'll bring Phaedra.
- Oh, um...
82
00:03:39,201 --> 00:03:40,345
This is what we can connect on.
83
00:03:40,369 --> 00:03:43,063
I mean, who can resist
the magic of July the 4th?
84
00:03:43,163 --> 00:03:45,323
You know, I kinda just meant,
like, a you and me thing.
85
00:03:45,375 --> 00:03:46,393
I'm gonna go tell her right now.
86
00:03:46,417 --> 00:03:48,920
This is awesome. Pru,
thank you so much.
87
00:03:52,382 --> 00:03:54,885
Granny, make it a double.
88
00:03:58,931 --> 00:04:00,248
- Aw.
- Damn it!
89
00:04:00,348 --> 00:04:02,293
This stupid game is rigged!
90
00:04:02,393 --> 00:04:04,269
Better luck next time.
91
00:04:06,897 --> 00:04:08,649
Give me the bear.
92
00:04:09,984 --> 00:04:11,695
Do it.
93
00:04:14,989 --> 00:04:16,433
- Here you go.
- Yay!
94
00:04:16,533 --> 00:04:17,684
Thanks, Uncle Benny!
95
00:04:17,784 --> 00:04:19,311
Ah, you're welcome.
96
00:04:19,411 --> 00:04:22,372
No sudden moves.
97
00:04:22,914 --> 00:04:25,609
'Cause someone's
getting a hug! Ooh!
98
00:04:25,709 --> 00:04:26,568
I missed you.
99
00:04:26,668 --> 00:04:28,194
Is this how you kill people?
100
00:04:28,294 --> 00:04:29,564
Oh, no. I'm not
bounty hunting today.
101
00:04:29,588 --> 00:04:32,157
It's a national holiday.
Some union thing.
102
00:04:32,257 --> 00:04:33,451
Who's that, Uncle Benny?
103
00:04:33,551 --> 00:04:34,327
Hey, little guy.
104
00:04:34,427 --> 00:04:36,037
I'm an enemy of
your Uncle Benny's.
105
00:04:36,137 --> 00:04:38,040
It's my job to hunt
him down and kill him
106
00:04:38,140 --> 00:04:40,333
because he's the most
wanted man in the country
107
00:04:40,433 --> 00:04:43,210
and he deserves to rot in hell!
108
00:04:43,310 --> 00:04:46,648
Even if everyone here
is going gaga for Trig.
109
00:04:47,231 --> 00:04:48,132
Wait, Trig is here?
110
00:04:48,232 --> 00:04:49,585
Oh, yeah. She's
doing some big heist.
111
00:04:49,609 --> 00:04:52,512
It's part of this crazy
crime spree she's on.
112
00:04:52,612 --> 00:04:54,181
It's so stupid.
113
00:04:54,281 --> 00:04:55,766
[chuckles] Yeah.
114
00:04:55,866 --> 00:04:57,559
Stupid. [Laughs]
115
00:04:57,659 --> 00:04:59,779
Well, maybe I should just
check it out, though, right?
116
00:04:59,829 --> 00:05:01,480
Just see what all
the fuss is about.
117
00:05:01,580 --> 00:05:05,568
Hey, kids. You want to check
out an active crime scene?
118
00:05:05,668 --> 00:05:06,151
Yay!
119
00:05:06,251 --> 00:05:07,354
PRUDENCE: Ah, so much to do!
120
00:05:07,378 --> 00:05:10,198
We could carve our names
into Independence Rock.
121
00:05:10,298 --> 00:05:11,483
Ooh, look! There's
a meet-and-greet
122
00:05:11,507 --> 00:05:13,576
with Uncle Sam in his
White House Wonderland.
123
00:05:13,676 --> 00:05:15,662
What sounds good to
you? Uh, all of it.
124
00:05:15,762 --> 00:05:16,579
What do you think, Phaedra?
125
00:05:16,679 --> 00:05:18,540
Oh, um, sorry. What
was the question?
126
00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:21,292
I'm just so confused
by this sandwich.
127
00:05:21,392 --> 00:05:22,632
Right, yes. No, you want a more
128
00:05:22,728 --> 00:05:24,963
perpendicular entry, dear.
129
00:05:25,063 --> 00:05:26,715
- This?
- Ah, no.
130
00:05:26,815 --> 00:05:28,676
Like, turn it on its axis.
131
00:05:28,776 --> 00:05:29,635
The other axis.
132
00:05:29,735 --> 00:05:30,427
Rotate it, like...
133
00:05:30,527 --> 00:05:32,722
I'm sorry, I just...
I don't get this.
134
00:05:32,822 --> 00:05:34,808
Or any of this. I
mean, what exactly
135
00:05:34,908 --> 00:05:37,602
are we celebrating here?
136
00:05:37,702 --> 00:05:39,186
The pursuit of happiness?
137
00:05:39,286 --> 00:05:40,814
Happiness is an indulgence
138
00:05:40,914 --> 00:05:42,149
that should be run away from.
139
00:05:42,249 --> 00:05:45,152
Oh, no, you're just not
seeing it the right way.
140
00:05:45,252 --> 00:05:46,821
When I was at the
orphanage growing up,
141
00:05:46,921 --> 00:05:48,405
I used to make an American flag
142
00:05:48,505 --> 00:05:49,824
out of a dirty old pillowcase.
143
00:05:49,924 --> 00:05:50,825
And I'd wave it around
144
00:05:50,925 --> 00:05:53,452
and pretend I was in
the Land of the Free.
145
00:05:53,552 --> 00:05:56,706
Ezekiel, you're not a
146
00:05:56,806 --> 00:05:57,832
patriot, are you?
147
00:05:57,932 --> 00:06:00,584
- Well...
- Because the man I married
148
00:06:00,684 --> 00:06:03,462
loves God, not America.
149
00:06:03,562 --> 00:06:04,881
Sorry, no. A patriot. Yes.
150
00:06:04,981 --> 00:06:06,549
Um, no, I'm not that.
151
00:06:06,649 --> 00:06:07,759
[scoffs] No.
152
00:06:07,859 --> 00:06:08,760
Boo, America!
153
00:06:08,860 --> 00:06:09,761
What are you talking about?
154
00:06:09,861 --> 00:06:11,005
You're like the biggest
patriot I know...
155
00:06:11,029 --> 00:06:12,305
Ah! No, no, no, no, I'm not.
156
00:06:12,405 --> 00:06:13,179
I might have experimented
157
00:06:13,203 --> 00:06:16,185
with patriotism in college,
but that was just a phase.
158
00:06:16,285 --> 00:06:17,436
You know what we should do?
159
00:06:17,536 --> 00:06:21,606
We should protest
this sick holiday.
160
00:06:21,706 --> 00:06:22,524
Haa...
161
00:06:22,624 --> 00:06:23,901
Wouldn't that be righteous?
162
00:06:24,001 --> 00:06:25,277
Yes.
163
00:06:25,377 --> 00:06:27,530
Wonderful idea, dear.
164
00:06:27,630 --> 00:06:28,322
[laughs]
165
00:06:28,422 --> 00:06:31,717
Well, at least it's
something we can connect on.
166
00:06:32,635 --> 00:06:33,886
Sorry.
167
00:06:36,014 --> 00:06:38,458
This is too many hot dogs.
168
00:06:38,558 --> 00:06:39,918
[people clamouring]
169
00:06:40,018 --> 00:06:42,421
You... you took
everything from us.
170
00:06:42,521 --> 00:06:43,964
You're a monster!
171
00:06:44,064 --> 00:06:45,924
Oh, that's so sweet!
172
00:06:46,024 --> 00:06:47,468
Thank you for coming
to the robbery.
173
00:06:47,568 --> 00:06:49,803
Everyone, really, thank you.
174
00:06:49,903 --> 00:06:52,681
People are really
freaked out by Trig?
175
00:06:52,781 --> 00:06:53,265
Dad?
176
00:06:53,365 --> 00:06:56,811
Okay, what part of "I never
want to see you again"
177
00:06:56,911 --> 00:06:57,601
don't you understand?
178
00:06:57,625 --> 00:06:59,647
God, you're like obsessed
with me or something.
179
00:06:59,747 --> 00:07:02,025
I'm not here to see
you. I'll have you know,
180
00:07:02,125 --> 00:07:03,985
I'm here on important business.
181
00:07:04,085 --> 00:07:06,529
Uncle Benny? I have to potty.
182
00:07:06,629 --> 00:07:08,991
Levi, you're killin'
me! You just went potty!
183
00:07:09,091 --> 00:07:11,284
Does cholera give you
a tiny bladder, too?
184
00:07:11,384 --> 00:07:14,622
Oh, my God, your new
gang seems pretty tough.
185
00:07:14,722 --> 00:07:15,206
[laughter]
186
00:07:15,306 --> 00:07:18,751
Yeah, well, sorry to
steal the spotlight,
187
00:07:18,851 --> 00:07:19,668
but these folks now have
188
00:07:19,768 --> 00:07:21,545
a real bad guy to worry about!
189
00:07:21,645 --> 00:07:23,148
Get 'em up!
190
00:07:23,439 --> 00:07:27,027
Um, I'm sorry.
Who are you again?
191
00:07:27,610 --> 00:07:28,845
Benny the Teen.
192
00:07:28,945 --> 00:07:30,764
Oh! Right!
193
00:07:30,864 --> 00:07:32,682
Yeah, I think my parents
were scared of you.
194
00:07:32,782 --> 00:07:36,728
Would you mind if I go back
to being robbed by Trig?
195
00:07:36,828 --> 00:07:39,731
Sorry, Benny. Looks
like I'm new hotness,
196
00:07:39,831 --> 00:07:40,607
and you're an old has-been.
197
00:07:40,707 --> 00:07:43,527
- CROWD: Oh! Ooh!
- BENNY: All right, laugh it up.
198
00:07:43,627 --> 00:07:46,404
This isn't the last you've
seen of Benny the Teen,
199
00:07:46,504 --> 00:07:48,132
not by a long shot!
200
00:07:49,759 --> 00:07:51,677
Let's go potty.
201
00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:57,708
♪♪♪
202
00:07:57,808 --> 00:07:58,374
Can you believe
203
00:07:58,398 --> 00:08:01,588
that people would deface
this perfectly good rock
204
00:08:01,688 --> 00:08:03,381
with this graffiti?
205
00:08:03,481 --> 00:08:06,051
"W.H. Collins and Co."?
206
00:08:06,151 --> 00:08:07,928
More like, "Erase You..."
207
00:08:08,028 --> 00:08:10,389
"[chuckling] Company," yeah.
208
00:08:10,489 --> 00:08:11,765
And erase you!
209
00:08:11,865 --> 00:08:14,518
And erase you. Psst!
210
00:08:14,618 --> 00:08:16,079
Zeke!
211
00:08:16,578 --> 00:08:18,690
Pru, what are you doing
here? What does it look like?
212
00:08:18,790 --> 00:08:20,184
I'm busting you out
of here. Let's go.
213
00:08:20,208 --> 00:08:22,652
[gasps] What in
George Washington's
214
00:08:22,752 --> 00:08:23,987
green earth are you doing?
215
00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:26,489
We are returning this rock
216
00:08:26,589 --> 00:08:28,033
to the way God made it,
217
00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:29,617
you disgusting patriots.
218
00:08:29,717 --> 00:08:31,036
Oh, no. No, you did not.
219
00:08:31,136 --> 00:08:33,747
You need to take that
flat, rat-tail pompadour
220
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:36,500
and pack it up,
Bena-bitch Arnold.
221
00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:38,043
- [others chuckle]
- Ezekiel!
222
00:08:38,143 --> 00:08:41,463
Did you hear what he
just said to your wife?
223
00:08:41,563 --> 00:08:42,423
Yes.
224
00:08:42,523 --> 00:08:44,050
Defend my honour.
225
00:08:44,150 --> 00:08:45,676
Right, um... PHAEDRA: Yes.
226
00:08:45,776 --> 00:08:47,888
[Zeke clears throat]
227
00:08:47,988 --> 00:08:50,198
You guys are bad.
228
00:08:51,866 --> 00:08:53,492
Good start.
229
00:08:53,910 --> 00:08:54,728
Now elaborate.
230
00:08:54,828 --> 00:08:58,190
I think that America is
231
00:08:58,290 --> 00:08:59,024
dumb and
232
00:08:59,124 --> 00:09:02,862
red, white, and blue
are ugly, ugly colours.
233
00:09:02,962 --> 00:09:07,783
And all you patriots should
234
00:09:07,883 --> 00:09:09,076
[flatly] go back to England.
235
00:09:09,176 --> 00:09:12,596
Oh, now, you done did it.
236
00:09:13,681 --> 00:09:15,416
You're right, Thomas.
237
00:09:15,516 --> 00:09:16,626
It's not worth it.
238
00:09:16,726 --> 00:09:19,712
You don't feed the trolls.
239
00:09:19,812 --> 00:09:21,089
Come on, let's go.
240
00:09:21,189 --> 00:09:21,757
Good job, dear.
241
00:09:21,857 --> 00:09:26,653
You really showed those
flag-wavers who's boss.
242
00:09:27,988 --> 00:09:30,091
You're right, this is horrible.
I have to get out of here.
243
00:09:30,115 --> 00:09:32,851
Wow, yeah, you have to
be honest with Phaedra
244
00:09:32,951 --> 00:09:35,537
and tell her that
you love America.
245
00:09:36,663 --> 00:09:38,958
Yeah, I could do that.
246
00:09:39,751 --> 00:09:40,568
Or, I could lie to her
247
00:09:40,668 --> 00:09:42,820
and live a completely
separate double life
248
00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:43,947
behind her back.
249
00:09:44,047 --> 00:09:45,782
Sure. Equally healthy option.
250
00:09:45,882 --> 00:09:47,122
I'm probably gonna do that one.
251
00:09:47,216 --> 00:09:49,161
All right, um...
bye, sweetheart!
252
00:09:49,261 --> 00:09:50,541
Just going off
for a quick break.
253
00:09:50,595 --> 00:09:51,755
- Okay.
- Just a normal break,
254
00:09:51,846 --> 00:09:53,699
doing normal things for
a normal amount of time.
255
00:09:53,723 --> 00:09:57,169
- She doesn't care. Let's go.
- Okay. The lie worked!
256
00:09:57,269 --> 00:09:58,963
BENNY: I'm washed up?
257
00:09:59,063 --> 00:09:59,922
I'll show them who's washed up.
258
00:10:00,022 --> 00:10:01,799
- What are we doing here?
- Come on, kids!
259
00:10:01,899 --> 00:10:03,884
We need to come up with
something really bad
260
00:10:03,984 --> 00:10:07,322
that Uncle Benny can
do, on short notice!
261
00:10:07,613 --> 00:10:09,015
Emma! Get your head in the game!
262
00:10:09,115 --> 00:10:10,976
I'm gonna need you to
stop eating the grass,
263
00:10:11,076 --> 00:10:13,728
- and focus.
- This is boring.
264
00:10:13,828 --> 00:10:15,480
Can we go see Uncle Sam?
265
00:10:15,580 --> 00:10:17,899
I'm trying to come up
with my big comeback here!
266
00:10:17,999 --> 00:10:19,985
We're not meeting
Uncle Sam! Please?
267
00:10:20,085 --> 00:10:23,922
He's the coolest,
bestest guy in the world.
268
00:10:25,799 --> 00:10:27,118
He is, huh?
269
00:10:27,218 --> 00:10:29,120
The rest of you feel that way?
270
00:10:29,220 --> 00:10:30,871
Then I suppose it
would be pretty bad
271
00:10:30,971 --> 00:10:32,540
if something were
to happen to him?
272
00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:34,809
Yeah, really bad.
273
00:10:35,393 --> 00:10:36,752
Interesting.
274
00:10:36,852 --> 00:10:39,755
All right, let's
go meet Uncle Sam.
275
00:10:39,855 --> 00:10:41,091
Yay!
276
00:10:41,191 --> 00:10:42,759
[evil laugh]
277
00:10:42,859 --> 00:10:44,099
Why are you laughing so evilly?
278
00:10:44,194 --> 00:10:47,280
Shut up, Levi. No
one likes a narc.
279
00:10:48,198 --> 00:10:51,184
Game! Bam! Drink
up, Farmer John.
280
00:10:51,284 --> 00:10:53,229
[laughs] That's right.
281
00:10:53,329 --> 00:10:54,188
Todd Aberdeen's back on top.
282
00:10:54,288 --> 00:10:57,066
Yes, I may have shat my
pants on multiple occasions,
283
00:10:57,166 --> 00:11:00,069
but at least I can still
dominate at ale pong.
284
00:11:00,169 --> 00:11:01,528
Ooh, ale pong?
285
00:11:01,628 --> 00:11:03,823
Oh, I've always wanted
to try. Can I play?
286
00:11:03,923 --> 00:11:07,969
Sure, if you don't mind
getting your butt whooped.
287
00:11:10,012 --> 00:11:12,790
- What?
- That was fun!
288
00:11:12,890 --> 00:11:14,126
Oh, can we play again?
289
00:11:14,226 --> 00:11:16,003
Yeah, okay, just...
290
00:11:16,103 --> 00:11:17,771
Rack 'em up.
291
00:11:18,355 --> 00:11:19,815
Bitch.
292
00:11:20,816 --> 00:11:22,676
[patriotic music plays]
293
00:11:22,776 --> 00:11:27,556
[indistinct cheering]
294
00:11:27,656 --> 00:11:30,018
Lib-er-ty! Lib-er-ty!
295
00:11:30,118 --> 00:11:31,178
Can you believe
this is the most fun
296
00:11:31,202 --> 00:11:33,013
I've had on my honeymoon
and my wife isn't even here?
297
00:11:33,037 --> 00:11:35,190
Hey, I get it. The
highlight of my honeymoon
298
00:11:35,290 --> 00:11:36,733
was the night Todd
passed out early
299
00:11:36,833 --> 00:11:37,734
and I ate a whole
cake in the tub.
300
00:11:37,834 --> 00:11:40,279
I just... I thought marriage
would be different, you know?
301
00:11:40,379 --> 00:11:43,865
I thought it'd be
fun, and adventures
302
00:11:43,965 --> 00:11:46,285
and, I don't know, fireworks.
303
00:11:46,385 --> 00:11:47,744
I guess we don't always end up
304
00:11:47,844 --> 00:11:49,288
with our fireworks person.
305
00:11:49,388 --> 00:11:55,628
♪♪♪
306
00:11:55,728 --> 00:11:57,797
PATRIOTIC MAN: Uh-oh,
stop the parade!
307
00:11:57,897 --> 00:11:59,132
- Whoa.
- Troll alert.
308
00:11:59,232 --> 00:12:01,551
Look out, everybody.
Whoop whoop!
309
00:12:01,651 --> 00:12:02,651
I am so terribly sorry
310
00:12:02,735 --> 00:12:03,636
about what I said
to you earlier.
311
00:12:03,736 --> 00:12:05,131
The truth is, that
wasn't me at all.
312
00:12:05,155 --> 00:12:07,641
I actually love the 4th of July.
313
00:12:07,741 --> 00:12:09,810
I... knew it!
314
00:12:09,910 --> 00:12:11,603
My USA-dar is flawless!
315
00:12:11,703 --> 00:12:15,249
Now come on, and get your
tushies on this float!
316
00:12:15,957 --> 00:12:17,335
Let's do it.
317
00:12:17,751 --> 00:12:18,979
UNCLE SAM: Nice to
meet you, little Levi.
318
00:12:19,003 --> 00:12:21,823
Now tell Uncle Sam, what's
your 4th of July wish?
319
00:12:21,923 --> 00:12:23,741
I wish for a cure for my polio,
320
00:12:23,841 --> 00:12:26,202
and rickets, and
scurvy, and measles...
321
00:12:26,302 --> 00:12:28,330
Uh, I'll see what I can do.
322
00:12:28,430 --> 00:12:31,707
And Levi, I want you
323
00:12:31,807 --> 00:12:33,960
to have a happy 4th of July.
324
00:12:34,060 --> 00:12:35,711
[polite laugh] All
right. There you go.
325
00:12:35,811 --> 00:12:37,965
Great wishes, kids.
All right, now,
326
00:12:38,065 --> 00:12:38,882
I need you to wait outside.
327
00:12:38,982 --> 00:12:41,718
I'm gonna have a little
word with Uncle Sam.
328
00:12:41,818 --> 00:12:42,636
Off you go.
329
00:12:42,736 --> 00:12:44,680
Get along, little doggies.
330
00:12:44,780 --> 00:12:46,223
[chuckles]
331
00:12:46,323 --> 00:12:46,849
Here's the deal.
332
00:12:46,949 --> 00:12:49,685
I need to pull off an
unspeakably heinous crime
333
00:12:49,785 --> 00:12:51,312
to outdo my daughter, and
334
00:12:51,412 --> 00:12:53,689
long story short, I
need to kidnap you.
335
00:12:53,789 --> 00:12:56,192
- Oh.
- Yeah, I know, it sucks.
336
00:12:56,292 --> 00:12:59,128
I hope you take it as
a compliment, though.
337
00:12:59,546 --> 00:13:00,947
- I understand.
- Good.
338
00:13:01,047 --> 00:13:03,658
And I hope you
understand that Uncle Sam
339
00:13:03,758 --> 00:13:05,952
doesn't go down without a fight!
340
00:13:06,052 --> 00:13:06,828
[growls]
341
00:13:06,928 --> 00:13:07,988
[growling, objects breaking]
342
00:13:08,012 --> 00:13:10,266
- [growling, objects breaking]
- [coughs]
343
00:13:11,058 --> 00:13:12,835
How are you so jacked?
344
00:13:12,935 --> 00:13:15,854
I want you... to die!
345
00:13:20,234 --> 00:13:21,278
Ooh!
346
00:13:25,282 --> 00:13:27,309
- [grunts]
- [crowd gasps]
347
00:13:27,409 --> 00:13:29,494
[groaning]
348
00:13:29,995 --> 00:13:30,770
Ah, don't worry, kids.
349
00:13:30,870 --> 00:13:32,397
Sam's just taking a little nap.
350
00:13:32,497 --> 00:13:34,317
Hey, help me drag
his body out of here.
351
00:13:34,417 --> 00:13:36,402
Yeah! I friggin'
love you, America,
352
00:13:36,502 --> 00:13:37,702
and I don't care who knows it!
353
00:13:37,794 --> 00:13:41,966
Yas, honey! You better crown
that good with brotherhood!
354
00:13:43,092 --> 00:13:44,243
- Ezekiel!
- Aah!
355
00:13:44,343 --> 00:13:45,995
What are you doing up there?
356
00:13:46,095 --> 00:13:48,889
Um, this isn't what
it looks like. I'm...
357
00:13:53,060 --> 00:13:54,213
Look, Phaedra,
358
00:13:54,313 --> 00:13:55,838
I want to be a good
husband to you.
359
00:13:55,938 --> 00:14:00,802
But that also means
being honest with you.
360
00:14:00,902 --> 00:14:01,902
I love America.
361
00:14:01,987 --> 00:14:04,056
I know this must come
as a huge shock to you
362
00:14:04,156 --> 00:14:06,934
but I really hope you can
find some way of accepting it
363
00:14:07,034 --> 00:14:12,457
because it... it is a
huge part of who I am.
364
00:14:14,334 --> 00:14:16,402
I absolutely do not accept that.
365
00:14:16,502 --> 00:14:19,906
That part of you makes
me sick and revolted
366
00:14:20,006 --> 00:14:22,158
and the fact that we are
even having this conversation
367
00:14:22,258 --> 00:14:24,994
makes me want to throw
myself off a cliff.
368
00:14:25,094 --> 00:14:28,165
Now get off that
float immediately.
369
00:14:28,265 --> 00:14:28,748
Yes, dear.
370
00:14:28,848 --> 00:14:32,503
Yikes. That's a hard attitude
to move forward from.
371
00:14:32,603 --> 00:14:33,170
Zeke, wait.
372
00:14:33,270 --> 00:14:35,172
Haven't you done
enough harm already?
373
00:14:35,272 --> 00:14:37,883
Go back to your own husband.
374
00:14:37,983 --> 00:14:39,193
Go.
375
00:14:39,860 --> 00:14:41,263
Excuse me, ma'am? I'm so sorry,
376
00:14:41,363 --> 00:14:44,449
but I think I may have
killed your husband.
377
00:14:46,451 --> 00:14:47,102
[burps]
378
00:14:47,202 --> 00:14:48,812
And, uh, not to pile on,
379
00:14:48,912 --> 00:14:51,106
but I think he shit his pants.
380
00:14:51,206 --> 00:14:52,899
He shit his pants.
381
00:14:52,999 --> 00:14:54,459
Happy 4th.
382
00:14:59,130 --> 00:15:00,449
Step this way, guys.
383
00:15:00,549 --> 00:15:03,244
All right, I got you all
the best seat in the house.
384
00:15:03,344 --> 00:15:06,330
Uh, thanks, but we really
don't have time for fireworks.
385
00:15:06,430 --> 00:15:07,999
We got back-to-back
heists tomorrow.
386
00:15:08,099 --> 00:15:10,544
Trust me. You're not
gonna want to miss this.
387
00:15:10,644 --> 00:15:12,878
It's gonna be a real explosion.
388
00:15:12,978 --> 00:15:16,508
Mm, yeah. That's what
fireworks do. They explode.
389
00:15:16,608 --> 00:15:18,176
Just watch, please.
390
00:15:18,276 --> 00:15:19,486
[sighs]
391
00:15:20,445 --> 00:15:21,138
Fireworks!
392
00:15:21,238 --> 00:15:23,181
ALL CHANTING:
Fireworks! Fireworks!
393
00:15:23,281 --> 00:15:26,893
Folks, folks, folks,
folks! I got some bad news.
394
00:15:26,993 --> 00:15:29,229
Uncle Sam is not
gonna be introducing
395
00:15:29,329 --> 00:15:30,230
the fireworks show.
396
00:15:30,330 --> 00:15:32,358
- [groaning]
- Because...
397
00:15:32,458 --> 00:15:35,902
- [drumroll]
- he is the fireworks show.
398
00:15:36,002 --> 00:15:37,989
I want you
399
00:15:38,089 --> 00:15:38,741
to help me!
400
00:15:38,841 --> 00:15:42,093
Boy, you get a lot of mileage
out of that line, don't you?
401
00:15:42,385 --> 00:15:43,036
That's right, folks!
402
00:15:43,136 --> 00:15:46,290
Benny the Teen is gonna
blow up Uncle Sam,
403
00:15:46,390 --> 00:15:50,127
- on the 4th of July.
- [crowd clamouring]
404
00:15:50,227 --> 00:15:52,421
Now who's the baddest
outlaw in town?
405
00:15:52,521 --> 00:15:55,399
Damn. That is cold-blooded.
406
00:15:55,983 --> 00:15:57,926
Ooh. [Chuckles]
407
00:15:58,026 --> 00:15:59,486
Whoo!
408
00:16:03,073 --> 00:16:06,394
You're not really gonna
blow up Uncle Sam, are you?
409
00:16:06,494 --> 00:16:08,313
Yeah, actually, I am.
410
00:16:08,413 --> 00:16:10,940
[whimpers]
411
00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:12,208
Why?
412
00:16:12,542 --> 00:16:14,527
Because I need to
be back on top.
413
00:16:14,627 --> 00:16:17,155
If I'm not the number
one outlaw in town,
414
00:16:17,255 --> 00:16:19,325
then, I'm nobody.
415
00:16:19,425 --> 00:16:20,493
That's not true.
416
00:16:20,593 --> 00:16:24,305
You're my Uncle
Benny. I love you.
417
00:16:29,018 --> 00:16:29,543
Damn you, Levi.
418
00:16:29,643 --> 00:16:33,005
How dare you melt my
heart at a time like this?
419
00:16:33,105 --> 00:16:34,566
[giggles]
420
00:16:35,024 --> 00:16:36,551
All right, hold on, Sam.
421
00:16:36,651 --> 00:16:37,968
I'm coming for you.
422
00:16:38,068 --> 00:16:40,472
[whimpering]
423
00:16:40,572 --> 00:16:42,391
- Oh!
- Come on.
424
00:16:42,491 --> 00:16:43,992
Jump!
425
00:16:47,454 --> 00:16:53,068
♪♪♪
426
00:16:53,168 --> 00:16:54,570
PHAEDRA: Ezekiel!
427
00:16:54,670 --> 00:16:58,533
I can't believe it. My
own husband, a patriot.
428
00:16:58,633 --> 00:17:00,076
But there is still hope.
429
00:17:00,176 --> 00:17:02,620
We are going to
pray the USA away.
430
00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:03,454
All night, if we have to.
431
00:17:03,554 --> 00:17:06,082
Are you sure we can't just
watch the fireworks first?
432
00:17:06,182 --> 00:17:06,958
Absolutely not.
433
00:17:07,058 --> 00:17:09,670
Watching rockets being
shot off into the sky
434
00:17:09,770 --> 00:17:12,423
is a literal assault on heaven.
435
00:17:12,523 --> 00:17:14,967
Dear God, let apple pie
436
00:17:15,067 --> 00:17:17,386
be like ash in his mouth.
437
00:17:17,486 --> 00:17:18,566
I'm gonna get my fireworks.
438
00:17:18,654 --> 00:17:20,931
In fact, make him a cake guy.
439
00:17:21,031 --> 00:17:23,535
Vanilla only, obviously.
440
00:17:24,368 --> 00:17:26,161
Prudence!
441
00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:29,357
- Pru!
- Oh, my God.
442
00:17:29,457 --> 00:17:30,457
Zeke, what?
443
00:17:30,500 --> 00:17:32,235
Wow, Todd. Do you
know about your face?
444
00:17:32,335 --> 00:17:37,198
Yes. I blacked out earlier
and apparently some hoodlums
445
00:17:37,298 --> 00:17:40,426
drew penile
phalluses on my face.
446
00:17:40,553 --> 00:17:42,996
Sorry about that. Is Pru here?
447
00:17:43,096 --> 00:17:44,582
Uh, I don't know where she is.
448
00:17:44,682 --> 00:17:46,250
And now, if you'll excuse me,
449
00:17:46,350 --> 00:17:50,145
I have to go make
sick out of both ends.
450
00:17:53,315 --> 00:17:54,609
Zeke.
451
00:17:56,402 --> 00:17:57,737
Pru.
452
00:18:08,456 --> 00:18:16,456
♪♪♪
453
00:18:25,809 --> 00:18:26,627
[crowd cheering]
454
00:18:26,727 --> 00:18:28,629
- [back cracks]
- [groans]
455
00:18:28,729 --> 00:18:30,422
TRIG: Wow. [Slow clapping]
456
00:18:30,522 --> 00:18:33,425
Well, I have to say thank
you for those seats.
457
00:18:33,525 --> 00:18:35,010
We got a great view of you
458
00:18:35,110 --> 00:18:36,720
going soft in front of everyone.
459
00:18:36,820 --> 00:18:39,097
- [laughter]
- Let's go, boys.
460
00:18:39,197 --> 00:18:42,142
We got a bounty
hunter on our tail.
461
00:18:42,242 --> 00:18:43,745
Bye, Dad.
462
00:18:46,623 --> 00:18:47,649
Dingus?
463
00:18:47,749 --> 00:18:49,526
Oh, my God. So awkward.
464
00:18:49,626 --> 00:18:52,128
[sighs]
465
00:18:55,465 --> 00:18:56,366
[Prudence giggles]
466
00:18:56,466 --> 00:18:56,867
[both shush]
467
00:18:56,967 --> 00:18:59,578
[whispers] Okay, no, wait.
I have to go this time.
468
00:18:59,678 --> 00:19:01,429
Okay, just wait.
469
00:19:02,180 --> 00:19:04,542
- Okay, go.
- Okay. Bye.
470
00:19:04,642 --> 00:19:06,393
- Bye.
- Bye.
471
00:19:06,602 --> 00:19:08,212
God, I love this holiday.
472
00:19:08,312 --> 00:19:11,382
[humming "You're
a Grand Old Flag"]
473
00:19:11,482 --> 00:19:13,467
[horse nickers]
474
00:19:13,567 --> 00:19:14,301
Benny. Um,
475
00:19:14,401 --> 00:19:16,262
what are you doing
up at this hour?
476
00:19:16,362 --> 00:19:18,222
I could ask the same
thing of you, Rev.
477
00:19:18,322 --> 00:19:20,809
Um, are you... You
going somewhere?
478
00:19:20,909 --> 00:19:24,062
I sure am. Far away from here.
479
00:19:24,162 --> 00:19:26,606
I made a big mistake tonight,
480
00:19:26,706 --> 00:19:27,706
and it's your fault.
481
00:19:27,749 --> 00:19:29,568
How... how is it my fault?
482
00:19:29,668 --> 00:19:31,111
'Cause you made me soft!
483
00:19:31,211 --> 00:19:33,238
All your stupid "love
thy neighbour" crap
484
00:19:33,338 --> 00:19:36,367
must've rubbed off on
me, and it made me weak.
485
00:19:36,467 --> 00:19:40,621
No, Benny, that...
That is not weakness.
486
00:19:40,721 --> 00:19:41,455
That's strength.
487
00:19:41,555 --> 00:19:44,166
That means deep down inside,
you are a good person.
488
00:19:44,266 --> 00:19:47,420
Don't say that! I'm Benny
the Teen, god damn it!
489
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,673
The meanest son of
a bitch there is.
490
00:19:49,773 --> 00:19:52,484
And nobody can take
that away from me.
491
00:19:52,818 --> 00:19:54,511
But, no, I mean, you
can't just leave us!
492
00:19:54,611 --> 00:19:56,722
We'll never get to
Oregon without you.
493
00:19:56,822 --> 00:20:00,225
That's not my problem.
Maybe you haven't heard.
494
00:20:00,325 --> 00:20:02,703
I'm a bad guy.
495
00:20:04,246 --> 00:20:05,147
MARTHA: Is that Benny?
496
00:20:05,247 --> 00:20:07,332
What is going on out here?
497
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:10,862
We're [bleep].
498
00:20:10,962 --> 00:20:14,507
♪♪♪
34551
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