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1
00:01:08,887 --> 00:01:10,878
Pow!
2
00:01:10,927 --> 00:01:12,918
(Makes ricochet noise)
3
00:01:16,847 --> 00:01:18,838
OK, Jock.
4
00:01:20,127 --> 00:01:22,118
Pow, pow, pow, pow!
5
00:01:35,167 --> 00:01:38,762
It's great what you see
when you don't have a gun.
6
00:01:39,847 --> 00:01:42,998
Ah, I didn't realise I had an audience.
7
00:01:43,047 --> 00:01:45,038
Your secret's safe with me.
8
00:01:46,047 --> 00:01:48,242
- Do you want a lift?
- Mm.
9
00:01:50,007 --> 00:01:52,396
(Lesson in Gaelic)
10
00:02:15,287 --> 00:02:18,836
(Children speaking Gaelic)
11
00:02:20,687 --> 00:02:23,724
(Speaking Gaelic)
12
00:02:24,687 --> 00:02:29,078
Aw, Esme,
educated in their native tongue.
13
00:02:29,127 --> 00:02:33,405
Marvellous. And do you like speaking
in the Gaelic, hm?
14
00:02:37,087 --> 00:02:40,875
- It's like poetry, isn't it?
- Yes, well, start them young.
15
00:02:40,927 --> 00:02:43,919
I've had the poster printed up
for Lochdubh Day.
16
00:02:43,967 --> 00:02:47,164
- It's normally word of mouth.
- You can't plan too carefully.
17
00:02:47,207 --> 00:02:51,086
There's a lot to be done.
I've spoken to Isobel about the choir.
18
00:02:51,127 --> 00:02:53,721
- That's settled.
- It's usually just the band.
19
00:02:53,767 --> 00:02:59,797
Oh, gosh, I must phone Evadne McTurk
and confirm. See you on Thursday. Bye.
20
00:03:05,687 --> 00:03:08,565
(Hamish) So you're a writer, are you?
21
00:03:08,607 --> 00:03:11,201
Of sorts.
22
00:03:11,247 --> 00:03:14,842
- What sort?
- Nothing you'll have heard of.
23
00:03:14,887 --> 00:03:18,482
- You never know.
- I write under a pen name.
24
00:03:20,327 --> 00:03:22,795
And what would that be?
25
00:03:22,847 --> 00:03:25,725
- No, really!
- No, come on, I'm interested.
26
00:03:26,287 --> 00:03:28,676
- Sadler.
- Aye?
27
00:03:29,527 --> 00:03:31,995
Chuck Sadler.
28
00:03:36,767 --> 00:03:39,122
Chuck Sadler?
29
00:03:39,167 --> 00:03:43,160
- The Chuck Sadler?
- Well, yes, I suppose so. Yes.
30
00:03:44,887 --> 00:03:47,685
Bleached Skulls In The Sunset.
31
00:03:47,727 --> 00:03:50,287
Dead Man's Gulch.
32
00:03:50,327 --> 00:03:55,720
That bit where Luke Kincaid shoots Jed
McGlone through the buffalo skeleton!
33
00:03:55,767 --> 00:03:59,760
- You're a gifted writer, Paul.
- You've read it. I'm amazed.
34
00:03:59,807 --> 00:04:02,082
Read it? I've read them all, me!
35
00:04:03,167 --> 00:04:05,397
Chuck Sadler!
36
00:04:06,447 --> 00:04:09,917
Chuck Sadler? (Laughs delightedly)
37
00:04:17,687 --> 00:04:21,885
Here you are, Rowan, I've brought
a friend for you. Come in, Hamish.
38
00:04:21,927 --> 00:04:25,920
- I'll fetch the new book.
- (Hamish) Come on.
39
00:04:42,367 --> 00:04:45,837
- You've fairly been doing the place up.
- Don't mention it.
40
00:04:45,887 --> 00:04:50,483
Here we are. The Cowhand's Revenge.
Fresh from the press.
41
00:04:50,527 --> 00:04:53,997
- Would you like me to sign it for you?
- Aye!
42
00:04:56,367 --> 00:04:58,358
"To Hamish...
43
00:05:00,727 --> 00:05:06,120
"...from Chuck Sadler."
44
00:05:15,447 --> 00:05:17,677
"Oh, wad the power the gift to gie us..."
45
00:05:21,167 --> 00:05:24,762
In the name of God,
who's been quoting Burns at you?
46
00:05:24,807 --> 00:05:26,843
(Vicky) Hello?
47
00:05:31,487 --> 00:05:34,479
- PC Macbeth.
- Hamish, please.
48
00:05:34,527 --> 00:05:38,236
- You'll be coming on Thursday.
- I'm no' a committee man.
49
00:05:38,287 --> 00:05:42,678
Lochdubh Day's being expanded.
The road'll need to be blocked off.
50
00:05:42,727 --> 00:05:47,755
- Normally park a bale out in the street.
- Eight sharp. Here's a draft agenda.
51
00:05:47,807 --> 00:05:51,516
- What you got there?
- It's a dead crow.
52
00:05:52,527 --> 00:05:56,122
- A what?
- Must've kicked it out in the garden.
53
00:05:56,167 --> 00:06:00,524
Well, take it out of here, for God's sake.
54
00:06:00,567 --> 00:06:03,764
I must change. Paul, would you give...
55
00:06:03,807 --> 00:06:07,277
- Hamish.
...Hamish a cup of tea?
56
00:06:07,327 --> 00:06:09,318
And wash your hands.
57
00:06:15,447 --> 00:06:18,007
(Phone)
58
00:06:23,767 --> 00:06:26,759
(Ringing continues)
59
00:06:44,607 --> 00:06:46,598
(Ringing stops)
60
00:06:48,047 --> 00:06:51,756
Ah, some people have got no patience,
eh, Jock?
61
00:06:51,807 --> 00:06:53,798
(Dogs barking)
62
00:06:55,447 --> 00:06:57,438
Mr McCrae!
63
00:06:59,567 --> 00:07:02,161
- Mr McCrae!
- (Dogs barking, sheep bleating)
64
00:07:02,207 --> 00:07:04,198
(Bang)
65
00:07:08,887 --> 00:07:10,878
Mr McCrae?
66
00:07:14,487 --> 00:07:17,047
Conas at� t�, Mr McCrae?
67
00:07:17,087 --> 00:07:18,406
Aye.
68
00:07:18,447 --> 00:07:22,042
Aw, what a marvellous shed.
69
00:07:22,847 --> 00:07:27,921
- It was lovely earlier this morning.
- Aye. We're paying for it now, eh?
70
00:07:33,087 --> 00:07:36,079
- Could I have a word?
- Aye, talk away.
71
00:07:36,127 --> 00:07:40,518
I hear that you've got an old handloom
in your shed.
72
00:07:40,567 --> 00:07:45,163
- Oh, aye?
- We've decided to dress up the hall
73
00:07:45,207 --> 00:07:47,516
as an authentic weaving cottage.
74
00:07:47,567 --> 00:07:50,559
- Have we?
- Somebody mentioned the loom.
75
00:07:50,607 --> 00:07:52,802
- I thought maybe...
- I'm a bit busy now.
76
00:07:52,847 --> 00:07:56,237
It's in the back somewhere.
I'm a bit busy at the moment...
77
00:07:56,287 --> 00:08:00,997
Aww, please,
it wouldn't take long, surely.
78
00:08:01,047 --> 00:08:03,038
(Starts engine)
79
00:08:05,847 --> 00:08:10,159
(Screams melodramatically)
No! Isn't this a blackhouse?
80
00:08:10,207 --> 00:08:13,677
- This is a pile of stones.
- You can't destroy this!
81
00:08:13,727 --> 00:08:19,199
- It must be one of the last left standing.
- Don't you instruct me on blackhouses.
82
00:08:19,247 --> 00:08:22,956
My granny was born in one
and dank, smelly holes they are, too!
83
00:08:23,007 --> 00:08:25,202
Why? Why?!
84
00:08:25,247 --> 00:08:28,717
I'm putting in a new septic tank, all right?
85
00:08:47,287 --> 00:08:51,280
To hell with a pile of stones!
What about my tyre?
86
00:08:51,327 --> 00:08:53,397
It's a piece of rubber!
87
00:08:53,447 --> 00:08:57,076
You can't compare it with
the heritage your forefathers left you!
88
00:08:57,127 --> 00:09:00,915
Hamish, I want this lifted
for criminal damages to my tractor.
89
00:09:00,967 --> 00:09:04,357
Hamish, kindly contact
the Planning Department in Inverness.
90
00:09:04,407 --> 00:09:07,604
This man is guilty of destroying
a listed building!
91
00:09:07,647 --> 00:09:10,844
Do you know how much
a new tyre costs? A fortune!
92
00:09:10,887 --> 00:09:13,082
- Dad, it'll just be a tenner...
- Shut up!
93
00:09:13,127 --> 00:09:16,437
- Will you phone or shall I?
- Why don't we all calm down?
94
00:09:16,487 --> 00:09:19,047
- I'm perfectly calm.
- I'm bloody well not!
95
00:09:19,087 --> 00:09:24,286
- No wonder! The destruction of a black...
- Don't you talk to me about destruction!
96
00:09:24,327 --> 00:09:27,319
- You mentioned a listed building.
- It's not listed.
97
00:09:27,367 --> 00:09:30,200
- Yet.
- And there's been �10 damage to a tyre?
98
00:09:30,247 --> 00:09:33,842
- Well, maybe 20.
- Look, Lachie, it is not the money.
99
00:09:33,887 --> 00:09:36,276
- It is the principle of the thing.
- Exactly!
100
00:09:37,287 --> 00:09:39,721
Cup o' tea.
101
00:09:40,807 --> 00:09:42,286
Get off!
102
00:09:44,127 --> 00:09:46,721
(Dog barks)
103
00:09:46,767 --> 00:09:49,486
(Paul) Shut up, Rowan.
(Vicky) Is that Hamish?
104
00:09:49,527 --> 00:09:51,518
We'll see, dear.
105
00:09:53,127 --> 00:09:55,595
Yes, it is. Come in, Hamish.
106
00:09:55,647 --> 00:09:59,117
- Hi, there. For you, Paul.
- Oh, thank you.
107
00:10:01,327 --> 00:10:05,320
I say, thanks so much
for smoothing over the tractor incident.
108
00:10:05,367 --> 00:10:07,961
Och, it was nothing.
No more dead crows?
109
00:10:08,007 --> 00:10:10,567
- No, no, no.
- Ah, well, then.
110
00:10:10,607 --> 00:10:13,405
- Enjoying the book?
- I haven't had a minute.
111
00:10:13,447 --> 00:10:16,837
- I was joking.
- So am I. It was great, it's the best yet.
112
00:10:16,887 --> 00:10:18,878
Thank you. Come on in.
113
00:10:18,927 --> 00:10:22,636
We took �48 at the gate.
The tombola still did...
114
00:10:22,687 --> 00:10:24,882
The police are here to check the books!
115
00:10:24,927 --> 00:10:28,715
Lovely to see you, Hamish.
Now, you sit down here.
116
00:10:30,767 --> 00:10:34,760
Isobel. Better pop that in the fridge.
Wee Jock was lying on it.
117
00:10:34,807 --> 00:10:38,004
- What do you drink? I've heather beer.
- Heather beer.
118
00:10:38,047 --> 00:10:40,038
Lovely, yeah.
119
00:10:41,047 --> 00:10:42,844
(Tapping on glass)
120
00:10:43,687 --> 00:10:47,680
I was just pointing out that,
in the last fiscal year,
121
00:10:47,727 --> 00:10:52,278
Lochdubh Day
returned a deficit of �25.33.
122
00:10:52,927 --> 00:10:58,320
I view this matter with no small degree
of concern. If a rollover budget is to be...
123
00:10:58,367 --> 00:11:01,165
For goodness' sake,
the money's irrelevant.
124
00:11:01,207 --> 00:11:06,600
I've been on to Highland Region.
They'll give us a loss guarantee of 2,500.
125
00:11:07,287 --> 00:11:13,078
Oh, I see. But even so, a loss guarantee
is not the same as project funding.
126
00:11:13,127 --> 00:11:16,517
What's a few pounds matter
when your culture's at stake?
127
00:11:16,567 --> 00:11:19,161
Is it not just a piss-up at the pub?
128
00:11:21,527 --> 00:11:24,837
(Chuckles) Oh, Rory.
129
00:11:24,887 --> 00:11:29,642
I know you won't mind me saying this
but that is just the sort of attitude
130
00:11:29,687 --> 00:11:32,759
that's left the Highlands
in the state they are today.
131
00:11:33,687 --> 00:11:36,884
Barney and me are happy
to open the doors of the hotel
132
00:11:36,927 --> 00:11:40,636
and we've ordered a bouncy castle,
as usual.
133
00:11:40,687 --> 00:11:45,158
- Well...
- Actually, I cancelled the... bouncy castle.
134
00:11:46,167 --> 00:11:49,284
- Since when?
- Vicky here thought that...
135
00:11:49,327 --> 00:11:54,640
With respect, Agnes, a bouncy castle
isn't quite the tone we're looking for.
136
00:11:54,687 --> 00:11:57,155
I've contacted the Sealed Knot Society.
137
00:11:57,207 --> 00:12:00,005
They'll recreate
the Battle of the Devil's Hump.
138
00:12:00,047 --> 00:12:04,040
There'll be a Gaelic cookery competition.
The choir will sing.
139
00:12:04,087 --> 00:12:08,956
Then there's the travelling Tartan
Roadshow. The tourists will love it.
140
00:12:09,007 --> 00:12:12,477
- For the ceilidh at night...
- Esme handles the ceilidh.
141
00:12:12,527 --> 00:12:16,520
We'll be getting Wullie Muirhead's band
from Cnothan. Won't we?
142
00:12:16,567 --> 00:12:19,764
Well, Vicky's been suggesting
some new ideas, but...
143
00:12:19,807 --> 00:12:22,196
- (Oven timer pings)
- Barney...
144
00:12:22,247 --> 00:12:25,284
- What?
- Would you be an angel?
145
00:12:25,327 --> 00:12:28,842
- Aye, right. Excuse me.
- (Plates clattering)
146
00:12:30,287 --> 00:12:32,881
(Mr Dick) How much will all this cost?
147
00:12:32,927 --> 00:12:36,920
I'd already paid the deposit
on the bouncy castle.
148
00:12:38,607 --> 00:12:41,997
- I'm afraid you'll have to ask Vicky.
- (Vicky and Barney laugh)
149
00:12:48,447 --> 00:12:51,439
- Clapshot.
- Sorry?
150
00:12:51,487 --> 00:12:55,958
Clapshot. Boiled cabbage and potatoes
garnished with salt and oatmeal.
151
00:12:56,007 --> 00:12:59,716
And this is Cloutie Dumpling.
152
00:13:03,927 --> 00:13:06,885
(Alarm clock rings, Wee Jock barks)
153
00:13:15,887 --> 00:13:17,479
What?
154
00:13:21,727 --> 00:13:23,445
Ohhh!
155
00:13:27,007 --> 00:13:28,998
Heather beer.
156
00:13:42,167 --> 00:13:44,397
(Phone)
157
00:13:47,487 --> 00:13:49,478
Hello?
158
00:13:49,527 --> 00:13:51,245
Bruce?
159
00:13:52,687 --> 00:13:55,281
DI Bruce, good morning, sir.
160
00:13:55,327 --> 00:13:58,717
- No, it was nonstop here yesterday, sir.
- (Fax bleeps)
161
00:13:58,767 --> 00:14:02,237
A fax? No, I don't think so.
162
00:14:03,927 --> 00:14:07,237
Threats? To the settlers?
163
00:14:09,607 --> 00:14:12,883
Extreme nationalists?
No, I don't think so, sir.
164
00:14:12,927 --> 00:14:16,124
- (Scrunches up fax)
- Quiet as the grave here, sir.
165
00:14:20,287 --> 00:14:22,847
(Vicky squeals and laughs)
166
00:14:26,007 --> 00:14:30,717
And you... snip that... there.
167
00:14:31,767 --> 00:14:33,758
Get rid o' that...
168
00:14:35,527 --> 00:14:38,997
and a wee drop of varnish...
169
00:14:40,207 --> 00:14:42,675
over there...
170
00:14:42,727 --> 00:14:44,718
...like that.
171
00:14:49,487 --> 00:14:51,842
And there you are.
172
00:14:51,887 --> 00:14:54,321
That's marvellous.
173
00:14:54,367 --> 00:14:56,961
It's nothing like a fly.
174
00:14:57,007 --> 00:15:00,841
It's no' meant to be a fly.
This one's a wee shrimp.
175
00:15:02,327 --> 00:15:04,318
But it's more...
176
00:15:04,367 --> 00:15:06,835
the memory of a wee shrimp.
177
00:15:06,887 --> 00:15:10,482
I mean,
if it actually looked like a shrimp...
178
00:15:10,527 --> 00:15:13,963
- Then you wouldn't catch anything.
- Correct.
179
00:15:14,007 --> 00:15:17,204
Bit bright for the sea trout, though.
Night's best.
180
00:15:17,247 --> 00:15:20,956
- What, you mean you fish in the dark?
- Aye.
181
00:15:21,007 --> 00:15:25,000
Orange shrimp fly and an 8 or a 10
on a moonlit night.
182
00:15:25,047 --> 00:15:27,436
It's perfect.
183
00:15:27,487 --> 00:15:29,717
Hamish!
184
00:15:30,727 --> 00:15:35,926
There's a right rammy goin' on down at
the pier. Weapons are being brandished.
185
00:15:35,967 --> 00:15:40,995
- Gie us a break, there's a rise on here.
- Agnes is threatening to murder Barney.
186
00:15:41,047 --> 00:15:45,040
- What are they arguing about?
- It's a private matter.
187
00:15:49,687 --> 00:15:53,077
- Over to you, Paul.
- Oh, right, OK.
188
00:15:55,407 --> 00:15:57,204
Give it a whirl, eh?
189
00:15:58,887 --> 00:16:00,684
So what's the big secret?
190
00:16:00,727 --> 00:16:05,198
Agnes thinks Barney's having an affair
with his wife.
191
00:16:05,247 --> 00:16:07,044
Vicky?
192
00:16:08,087 --> 00:16:09,679
And Barney?
193
00:16:09,727 --> 00:16:12,321
Two and a half hours
you were out wi' her!
194
00:16:12,367 --> 00:16:15,086
- She wanted to look at my creels.
- Aye, and more!
195
00:16:15,127 --> 00:16:17,925
She's going to decorate the hall
with them!
196
00:16:17,967 --> 00:16:21,755
Do you think my head zips up the back?
Don't you walk away from me!
197
00:16:21,807 --> 00:16:23,923
Morning, Agnes.
198
00:16:23,967 --> 00:16:25,764
Morning, Hamish.
199
00:16:25,807 --> 00:16:29,197
Any chance of cup o' that lovely coffee
of yours?
200
00:16:30,247 --> 00:16:32,841
For you, Hamish, anything.
201
00:16:35,167 --> 00:16:37,158
I'll see you later.
202
00:16:44,927 --> 00:16:48,715
Seen enough?
(Shouts threateningly in Italian)
203
00:16:52,807 --> 00:16:56,004
Barney, please...
204
00:16:56,047 --> 00:16:59,244
I don't want any knife fights
in Lochdubh.
205
00:17:00,087 --> 00:17:05,115
Neither dae I. Gonnae gie us a hand
with these up to the hall?
206
00:17:05,167 --> 00:17:09,365
- You mean Vicky really does want them?
- Aye, for the ceilidh.
207
00:17:10,207 --> 00:17:13,404
She's going to construct
a fishing theme installation.
208
00:17:14,287 --> 00:17:16,118
Oh, right.
209
00:17:17,887 --> 00:17:21,482
(Sing traditional Gaelic song)
210
00:17:31,687 --> 00:17:34,838
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
211
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:38,880
Listen, ladies, you're really going
to have to concentrate, OK?
212
00:17:38,927 --> 00:17:43,717
- Can I have that once more, please?
- They never really wove tweed locally.
213
00:17:43,767 --> 00:17:47,965
- Yes, it was out in the islands mostly.
- That's right.
214
00:17:48,007 --> 00:17:50,475
- Ladies.
- (All) Hamish.
215
00:17:50,527 --> 00:17:55,726
Oh, well... Ah, will you just stack them
over there in that corner, gentlemen?
216
00:17:55,767 --> 00:17:59,157
- Funny smell in here.
- I thought I smelt something.
217
00:17:59,207 --> 00:18:01,801
- Mebbe the creels.
- No.
218
00:18:01,847 --> 00:18:04,202
- It's probably the fixing agent.
- Sorry?
219
00:18:04,247 --> 00:18:07,637
I thought we'd use
a traditional fixing agent for the tweed.
220
00:18:07,687 --> 00:18:10,155
- Traditional fixing agent?
- Was that not...
221
00:18:10,207 --> 00:18:13,677
- That's right, men's urine.
- (All) Ughh!
222
00:18:31,367 --> 00:18:33,164
Oh!
223
00:18:34,407 --> 00:18:36,398
What's wrong?
224
00:18:48,967 --> 00:18:50,798
Hamish?
225
00:18:53,047 --> 00:18:56,835
- Chuck.
- Good morning. Look at this.
226
00:19:03,127 --> 00:19:04,924
Uh-huh.
227
00:19:10,927 --> 00:19:13,725
- (Sighs) This is beyond a joke.
- Yes.
228
00:19:14,847 --> 00:19:21,286
Hamish, could you... somehow
let her know how the village feels?
229
00:19:24,367 --> 00:19:28,565
A vendetta? Against me?
230
00:19:28,607 --> 00:19:32,441
For goodness' sake,
after all I've done for the community.
231
00:19:33,127 --> 00:19:37,325
- Petty jealousies, that's all.
- Vicky, these people can be dangerous.
232
00:19:37,367 --> 00:19:40,564
They've threatened
to burn people out in other places.
233
00:19:40,607 --> 00:19:43,280
Darling, the crow is the symbol of death.
234
00:19:43,327 --> 00:19:47,400
Well, they're not scaring me
or burning me out!
235
00:19:50,127 --> 00:19:53,119
You can't give in to these people.
236
00:19:53,927 --> 00:19:57,920
Now, I didn't intend
to take this any further, Hamish,
237
00:19:57,967 --> 00:20:03,485
but if you must personalise it, I'm sure
your superiors will be very interested.
238
00:20:03,527 --> 00:20:06,724
No, I don't think
there's any need to involve them.
239
00:20:06,767 --> 00:20:11,966
- If it's a local matter, I'll sort it out.
- You'd better do it soon, hadn't you?
240
00:20:19,447 --> 00:20:21,244
Hm.
241
00:20:39,927 --> 00:20:41,918
Hey, where's your dad?
242
00:20:41,967 --> 00:20:46,677
- Under a tractor last time I saw him.
- I want a word wi' him about a letter.
243
00:20:46,727 --> 00:20:49,116
- What letter?
- Just tell him.
244
00:20:49,167 --> 00:20:52,125
(Starts up engine)
245
00:20:52,167 --> 00:20:55,000
Hey! This thing MOT'd?
246
00:20:55,047 --> 00:20:57,436
- What?
- MOT'd.
247
00:20:57,487 --> 00:21:00,320
- No. Why?
- Ju...
248
00:21:00,367 --> 00:21:02,358
Just asking.
249
00:21:25,087 --> 00:21:28,284
Isobel. Sorry. Isobel, can I have a word?
250
00:21:29,807 --> 00:21:35,200
Hang on, I'll pop this off to the printer's
in Oban. They print it up by half-three.
251
00:21:35,247 --> 00:21:38,842
New technology, Flora, eh?
Cannae be doin' wi' it.
252
00:21:38,887 --> 00:21:42,800
Asked for a police horse,
they sent me a Land Rover!
253
00:21:45,527 --> 00:21:47,722
(Printer whirrs)
254
00:21:51,607 --> 00:21:54,201
- Have a look at this.
- Let's see.
255
00:22:03,207 --> 00:22:07,246
- Very nice.
- Any idea where it came from?
256
00:22:07,287 --> 00:22:10,677
It's been cut up from an old copy
of the Listener.
257
00:22:10,727 --> 00:22:14,515
- Is that it?
- That's about all I can say.
258
00:22:14,567 --> 00:22:18,162
- 2,000 copies a week.
- 2,000-1, that's good.
259
00:22:18,207 --> 00:22:21,916
What about prints and forensics?
Send it off to Inverness.
260
00:22:21,967 --> 00:22:24,765
No, I'd rather sort this oot on ma own.
261
00:22:26,407 --> 00:22:28,125
- You OK?
- Mm.
262
00:22:28,167 --> 00:22:29,964
Listen, Isobel,
263
00:22:30,007 --> 00:22:31,998
keep this to yourself, eh?
264
00:22:33,487 --> 00:22:37,526
Oh, by the way, I was wondering, er...
are you going to the ceilidh?
265
00:22:38,567 --> 00:22:41,604
Well, I was supposed to be in it. Why?
266
00:22:41,647 --> 00:22:45,640
Could you look after Wee Jock
cos I'm goin' fishing?
267
00:22:47,407 --> 00:22:49,796
- Course, Hamish. No trouble.
- You're a doll.
268
00:23:16,927 --> 00:23:18,918
(Lachie clatters bin)
269
00:23:30,567 --> 00:23:34,355
Aye, well, it's not a letter
I'd be sending her.
270
00:23:35,327 --> 00:23:37,716
- Pow!
- I'll ignore that.
271
00:23:38,687 --> 00:23:41,963
I haven't the foggiest idea about that,
Hamish.
272
00:23:42,007 --> 00:23:46,478
- You've been shooting crows, I see.
- Oh, goodness gracious me, eh?
273
00:23:46,527 --> 00:23:50,805
My freedom to shoot vermin
is to be curtailed, is it?
274
00:23:50,847 --> 00:23:53,486
Aye, the ugly face of fascism, boy.
275
00:23:54,327 --> 00:23:57,046
You're calling me a fascist?
276
00:23:57,087 --> 00:24:00,682
- If the cap fits.
- I'll tell you this, Lachlan, this is bad.
277
00:24:00,727 --> 00:24:02,718
This is very, very bad.
278
00:24:02,767 --> 00:24:06,965
When I find oot who did it,
they're in big... big trouble.
279
00:24:07,007 --> 00:24:10,044
Well, don't look at me, Hamish,
I can't even spell.
280
00:24:11,927 --> 00:24:13,804
Very good.
281
00:24:13,847 --> 00:24:16,680
- Hamish.
- Yes?
282
00:24:16,727 --> 00:24:21,721
- Half the village wants rid o' her, boy.
- Aye, and so does the other half.
283
00:24:27,767 --> 00:24:30,839
So it's crows nailed to doors
and threatening letters now, eh?
284
00:24:30,887 --> 00:24:34,084
- How do you know about that?
- Isobel told me.
285
00:24:34,127 --> 00:24:36,482
I'm just after telling Isobel!
286
00:24:36,527 --> 00:24:38,518
She knew already.
287
00:24:38,567 --> 00:24:42,765
Rory told her and the postman told him
288
00:24:42,807 --> 00:24:45,765
and Esme told Agnes about the crow
289
00:24:45,807 --> 00:24:50,517
on account of her niece Kirsty
hearing Vicky tell Cameron at the bar.
290
00:24:50,567 --> 00:24:54,765
Ohh, see this place, it's unbelievable!
291
00:24:55,687 --> 00:24:58,281
I know, I know.
292
00:24:58,327 --> 00:25:02,718
You can't clean your ferret's cage out
here without it being on CNN.
293
00:25:02,767 --> 00:25:04,758
You should know that.
294
00:25:05,767 --> 00:25:08,076
If you want my advice,
295
00:25:08,127 --> 00:25:10,721
let it all blow over.
296
00:25:10,767 --> 00:25:12,758
Aye, mebbe you're right.
297
00:25:13,767 --> 00:25:16,565
As long as you can keep
Inspector Bruce off your case.
298
00:25:16,607 --> 00:25:19,075
Bruce? What do you know about Bruce?
299
00:25:19,127 --> 00:25:22,324
Oh, he's been screaming for you all day
on the radio.
300
00:25:22,367 --> 00:25:25,086
I told him you were out
chasing poachers.
301
00:25:25,127 --> 00:25:29,120
- Did he believe you?
- The man's a balloon. Of course he did.
302
00:25:30,207 --> 00:25:34,997
Specially when I told him you might have
a confiscated sea trout for him.
303
00:25:44,967 --> 00:25:48,277
The woman has poisoned
the community.
304
00:25:48,327 --> 00:25:51,717
- Here, have another wee dram, Lachlan.
- Aye, cheers.
305
00:25:51,767 --> 00:25:55,476
She's taken over the ceilidh
lock, stock and barrel.
306
00:25:55,527 --> 00:25:59,918
- Esme's fizzing.
- Oh, and her such a moist thing, too!
307
00:25:59,967 --> 00:26:04,245
Terrible when the powers of darkness
invade a man's private business.
308
00:26:17,247 --> 00:26:20,239
- She phoned the Planning.
- The Planning?
309
00:26:20,287 --> 00:26:22,482
She never mentioned my caravan,
did she?
310
00:26:22,527 --> 00:26:25,997
Aye, and her here not five minutes
from Kelvinside.
311
00:26:26,047 --> 00:26:28,322
- Morningside.
- Eh?
312
00:26:28,367 --> 00:26:31,359
She comes from Morningside,
not Kelvinside.
313
00:26:31,407 --> 00:26:35,719
Morningside, Kelvinside, backside -
they're all the bloody same!
314
00:26:35,767 --> 00:26:38,486
Incomers telling us how to live our lives.
315
00:26:38,527 --> 00:26:40,518
And buying up all the good houses
316
00:26:40,567 --> 00:26:45,277
so locals like TV John have to live in
caravans without planning permission.
317
00:26:45,327 --> 00:26:48,285
Hey, wait a minute, I'm an incomer.
318
00:26:50,047 --> 00:26:53,835
Aye, Barney,
but I mean, there's incomers...
319
00:26:55,487 --> 00:26:57,478
and there's incomers.
320
00:27:10,207 --> 00:27:12,402
- Agnes...
- Have you seen Barney?
321
00:27:12,447 --> 00:27:14,483
- No.
- (Door opens)
322
00:27:20,767 --> 00:27:22,758
Quiet the night, eh?
323
00:27:28,047 --> 00:27:32,438
Look, I just popped in for a chat.
There's been a wee bit of trouble.
324
00:27:33,487 --> 00:27:36,047
More than a wee bit, I'd say.
325
00:27:37,047 --> 00:27:42,360
There's nae easy way of asking this,
but there's been threats made to Vicky.
326
00:27:42,407 --> 00:27:46,798
- So you think it was me that sent...
- No, no, no, no, I just... I'm just...
327
00:27:46,847 --> 00:27:48,963
- I'm just here.
- Hamish...
328
00:27:49,967 --> 00:27:53,960
Barney and me, we've been here -
what - five years now?
329
00:27:55,047 --> 00:27:58,119
We're accepted. We go with the flow.
330
00:28:01,287 --> 00:28:04,836
- I had my man...
- (Continues chopping lemon)
331
00:28:04,887 --> 00:28:06,878
...friends.
332
00:28:09,687 --> 00:28:12,155
Now look at it, eh?
333
00:28:12,967 --> 00:28:15,959
Och, it makes my blood boil
334
00:28:16,007 --> 00:28:20,000
to see her march in and act as if she was
what, the Queen of Sheba!
335
00:28:20,047 --> 00:28:22,561
B-But Barney loves you, Agnes.
336
00:28:24,367 --> 00:28:28,918
So... you think I'm after her.
337
00:28:31,407 --> 00:28:34,604
Well, you're right... but prove it.
338
00:28:46,367 --> 00:28:49,564
(Lachlan sings drunkenly)
339
00:28:51,767 --> 00:28:54,759
(Gunshots and whooping on TV)
340
00:28:56,927 --> 00:28:58,963
(Lachlan sings drunkenly)
341
00:28:59,007 --> 00:29:02,397
(Engine failing to start)
342
00:29:07,487 --> 00:29:09,284
God.
343
00:29:10,287 --> 00:29:14,121
- (Drunken singing)
- Dad, Dad!
344
00:29:14,167 --> 00:29:16,761
Stop! Control yourself!
345
00:29:16,807 --> 00:29:19,162
Stop, Dad, no!
346
00:29:19,207 --> 00:29:22,517
Dad, Dad, you have to stop!
347
00:29:22,567 --> 00:29:25,161
I took the wheel off to fix it.
348
00:29:25,207 --> 00:29:26,925
Oh, gaaaah!
349
00:29:26,967 --> 00:29:30,357
- (Dog barks)
- Rowan, Rowan!
350
00:29:30,407 --> 00:29:34,286
Come on. Good boy. Here.
351
00:29:42,007 --> 00:29:45,204
(Whistles)
352
00:29:50,607 --> 00:29:54,566
(? Traditional Gaelic song on radio)
353
00:30:07,287 --> 00:30:09,482
(Vehicle approaches)
354
00:30:15,527 --> 00:30:18,519
Hamish! Stop!
355
00:30:22,207 --> 00:30:26,120
Hamish, I've three rolls of film
and we've run out of developer.
356
00:30:30,167 --> 00:30:33,955
- (? Traditional Gaelic song)
- (Metallic clunking)
357
00:30:37,207 --> 00:30:40,279
(? Country & Western on stereo)
358
00:30:42,087 --> 00:30:44,521
(? Traditional Gaelic music)
359
00:30:51,167 --> 00:30:54,318
(Car horn blaring)
360
00:30:55,807 --> 00:30:58,401
(? Traditional Gaelic song)
361
00:31:01,007 --> 00:31:04,044
(? Country & Western)
362
00:31:04,087 --> 00:31:06,078
(Music winds down)
363
00:31:12,407 --> 00:31:14,477
(Dog whimpers)
364
00:31:18,407 --> 00:31:19,806
Rowan!
365
00:31:21,367 --> 00:31:23,164
Rowan!
366
00:31:24,687 --> 00:31:29,886
Rowan! Rowan's gone off.
You haven't seen Rowan, have you?
367
00:31:29,927 --> 00:31:31,918
Rowan!
368
00:31:31,967 --> 00:31:33,958
(Lachlan snarls)
369
00:31:35,087 --> 00:31:37,476
- Can I take a shot of this?
- What?!
370
00:31:37,527 --> 00:31:39,518
Lachlan, Lachlan!
371
00:31:40,607 --> 00:31:43,599
- Lachlan!
- (Camera clicking)
372
00:31:49,767 --> 00:31:52,565
You use that photo and I'll sue you!
373
00:31:53,927 --> 00:31:56,919
- Come on, Lachlan, move!
- (Dog barking)
374
00:32:04,087 --> 00:32:08,399
It's her that should be charged,
Hamish, the Marina's a write-off.
375
00:32:11,927 --> 00:32:18,366
Lachlan... you know, you just can't
go around strangling folk like that.
376
00:32:18,407 --> 00:32:21,683
- How'd you like me to strangle her?
- Don't start.
377
00:32:21,727 --> 00:32:24,560
You're bloody lucky
she's no' pressed charges.
378
00:32:24,607 --> 00:32:26,598
- She made him do it.
- That's right.
379
00:32:26,647 --> 00:32:30,845
Who unscrewed the wheel?
That's who you should be looking for.
380
00:32:34,207 --> 00:32:38,803
And, er... how do you know
it was unscrewed?
381
00:32:40,687 --> 00:32:43,121
- Eh?
- Well...
382
00:32:43,167 --> 00:32:45,158
I-I just...
383
00:32:46,567 --> 00:32:48,762
I just... you know.
384
00:32:48,807 --> 00:32:50,798
- (Sighs)
- I just...
385
00:32:50,847 --> 00:32:52,997
just... thought...
386
00:32:55,327 --> 00:33:00,526
Lachie, are you a complete plonker?
When I get my hands on you, boy...
387
00:33:00,567 --> 00:33:04,276
- I thought you'd be pleased...
- Right, that's it.
388
00:33:04,327 --> 00:33:07,478
You're being nicked, the pair of ye.
You for assault.
389
00:33:07,527 --> 00:33:12,521
You for writing threatening notes
and for... nailing crows to doors!
390
00:33:12,567 --> 00:33:14,558
- (Phone)
- OK?
391
00:33:21,447 --> 00:33:23,483
(Ringing continues)
392
00:33:25,807 --> 00:33:27,525
Hello?
393
00:33:27,567 --> 00:33:31,606
Detective Inspector Bruce,
how are you, sir?
394
00:33:31,647 --> 00:33:34,036
Settler Watch?
395
00:33:34,087 --> 00:33:38,683
Yes, well, we did have a small incident,
but it's under control now.
396
00:33:38,727 --> 00:33:41,400
A sea trout?
397
00:33:41,447 --> 00:33:44,245
Well, I may just have one for you, sir.
398
00:33:45,287 --> 00:33:48,597
Not at all. Don't you mention it.
Bye, now.
399
00:33:50,527 --> 00:33:53,724
Hamish, um... Come on, come on.
400
00:33:56,687 --> 00:34:02,603
Er, Hamish... Iook, I did loosen
her wheel nuts... a wee bit,
401
00:34:02,647 --> 00:34:07,675
but I don't know anything about
dead crows or notes or...
402
00:34:07,727 --> 00:34:12,721
The boy's telling the truth, Hamish.
You couldn't spell crow, could you?
403
00:34:15,847 --> 00:34:17,678
Beat it.
404
00:34:24,607 --> 00:34:26,598
(? Bagpipes)
405
00:34:29,247 --> 00:34:32,444
Abenheimer, Aben...
Och, what's wrong wi' my head?
406
00:34:32,487 --> 00:34:35,877
I've just remembered,
Abenheimer is a sept of the Stewart Clan.
407
00:34:35,927 --> 00:34:40,637
Just wait there, I'll sort you out.
Sling us some shortbread red, Calum.
408
00:34:40,687 --> 00:34:43,076
There's a lad. Och, there you are.
409
00:34:43,127 --> 00:34:48,247
This is your Royal Stewart dress tartan,
a very, very special reserve
410
00:34:48,287 --> 00:34:50,482
and for you, we're talking...
411
00:34:50,527 --> 00:34:53,724
Come on, lads,
away with us to the Devil's Hump!
412
00:34:53,767 --> 00:34:56,327
(Raucous cheering)
413
00:34:56,367 --> 00:34:58,676
(Yells)
414
00:35:04,327 --> 00:35:09,526
- Recovered frae yesterday, I see.
- Oh, let them come! I'll take them all on!
415
00:35:15,607 --> 00:35:19,202
She says it's Lochdubh Day or die.
416
00:35:19,247 --> 00:35:24,560
Hamish, you think you know a lot about
girls, but you don't understand women.
417
00:35:24,607 --> 00:35:26,677
Oh, really?
418
00:35:26,727 --> 00:35:30,925
She could no more admit
she was at fault than fly in the air.
419
00:35:30,967 --> 00:35:34,960
- Hello.
- Is there not a bouncy castle this year?
420
00:35:35,007 --> 00:35:37,601
No, Harry. No' the right tone, son.
421
00:35:37,647 --> 00:35:42,641
- Will I take Wee Jock now?
- Nah, fishing trip's cancelled.
422
00:35:42,687 --> 00:35:45,679
(Wild yelling)
423
00:35:52,087 --> 00:35:54,885
(? Bagpipes)
424
00:36:18,727 --> 00:36:20,638
Oh, hello.
425
00:36:25,167 --> 00:36:29,365
Not coming in, Hamish?
Could be quite a good show.
426
00:36:29,407 --> 00:36:33,719
I'm up to my neck in it, John.
Need to sort out this note thing.
427
00:36:33,767 --> 00:36:37,965
- Everybody from the village is here.
- Nah, I'm fine.
428
00:36:51,647 --> 00:36:57,438
Dunno why she's got the chairs oot.
It's a ceilidh, not a bloody recitation.
429
00:36:57,487 --> 00:37:03,517
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to this year's Beltane Ceilidh.
430
00:37:03,567 --> 00:37:06,365
I've been doing a bit of research
431
00:37:06,407 --> 00:37:09,399
and with the help of Isobel Sutherland...
432
00:37:16,287 --> 00:37:18,278
I have discovered
433
00:37:18,327 --> 00:37:22,798
that, according to
the Lochdubh Listener...
434
00:37:25,127 --> 00:37:28,915
According to
the Lochdubh Listener of, um...
435
00:37:28,967 --> 00:37:31,037
May 1892...
436
00:37:31,087 --> 00:37:35,285
- I've just been thinking, Lachie.
- Uh-huh?
437
00:37:35,327 --> 00:37:38,876
Maybe you could rebuild
that blackhouse,
438
00:37:38,927 --> 00:37:42,522
charge the tourists a fiver to sit inside it.
439
00:37:42,567 --> 00:37:46,765
- Do you reckon I'll get a fiver, do you?
- Oh, maybe even six.
440
00:38:03,287 --> 00:38:05,482
It's baffling, Jock.
441
00:38:06,647 --> 00:38:08,638
Pure baffling.
442
00:38:23,607 --> 00:38:25,962
So to open our musical evening,
443
00:38:26,007 --> 00:38:31,001
let us welcome Evadne McTurk
of the Cnothan Amateur Operatics.
444
00:38:31,047 --> 00:38:33,038
(Applause)
445
00:38:35,647 --> 00:38:38,639
Evadne will sing us a Scottish medley.
446
00:38:42,127 --> 00:38:44,118
(Piano introduction)
447
00:38:46,967 --> 00:38:51,677
? Ca' the yowes tae the knowes
448
00:38:51,727 --> 00:38:56,198
? Ca' them where the heather growes
449
00:38:56,247 --> 00:39:00,035
? Ca' them where the burnie rowes
450
00:39:00,887 --> 00:39:05,244
? My bonnie dearie... ?
451
00:39:05,287 --> 00:39:07,847
(Whispers) Hold me back, Agnes!
452
00:39:10,167 --> 00:39:13,557
Did you hear the Planning boy
was here today?
453
00:39:14,487 --> 00:39:19,163
? Then a fauldin' let us gang
454
00:39:19,207 --> 00:39:23,359
? My bonnie dearie... ?
455
00:39:32,847 --> 00:39:38,558
"Oh, wad the power the gift tae gie us
To see ourselves as others see us."
456
00:39:42,687 --> 00:39:44,405
Gift.
457
00:39:50,847 --> 00:39:52,838
The gift.
458
00:39:53,887 --> 00:40:00,679
?... tae the knowes
Ca' them where the heather growes
459
00:40:00,727 --> 00:40:05,005
? Ca' them where the burnie rowes
460
00:40:05,047 --> 00:40:09,723
? My bonnie dearie ?
461
00:40:29,527 --> 00:40:31,324
Paul?
462
00:41:09,847 --> 00:41:15,240
? My bonnie dearie ?
463
00:41:19,567 --> 00:41:21,956
- ? Ae fond kiss...
- Oh, bloody hell!
464
00:41:22,007 --> 00:41:25,204
?... and then we sever
465
00:41:25,247 --> 00:41:27,920
? Ae fareweel... ?
466
00:41:50,087 --> 00:41:52,362
?... never met
467
00:41:52,407 --> 00:41:54,841
? Nor never... ?
468
00:41:54,887 --> 00:41:59,278
- It's Wullie Muirhead! At last!
- Aye, you need to give me more notice.
469
00:41:59,327 --> 00:42:02,046
Clear a space on that stage, give me...
470
00:42:02,087 --> 00:42:06,080
But Evadne hasn't finished
and then there's... Ohh! Oh, no!
471
00:42:06,127 --> 00:42:10,325
- Time and place!
- No, but they're walking!
472
00:42:10,367 --> 00:42:12,164
(Cheering)
473
00:42:12,207 --> 00:42:14,198
(Softly) Waaah!
474
00:42:51,007 --> 00:42:53,396
End of the trail, pardner.
475
00:42:55,967 --> 00:42:57,958
(Gun clicks)
476
00:43:00,847 --> 00:43:02,838
So what was it, Paul?
477
00:43:07,567 --> 00:43:09,558
Another woman?
478
00:43:10,927 --> 00:43:13,805
- Boredom?
- No, no, no, no.
479
00:43:14,887 --> 00:43:18,880
I just wanted to get her to...
stop organising.
480
00:43:20,887 --> 00:43:26,644
I don't want to move again. Everywhere
we go, she tries to run everything, then...
481
00:43:26,687 --> 00:43:31,283
Then she gets impatient when the locals
won't follow her, and then we leave.
482
00:43:31,327 --> 00:43:35,115
So why didn't you say something?
Why didn't you talk to her?
483
00:43:35,167 --> 00:43:36,964
Talk?
484
00:43:38,247 --> 00:43:40,238
Talked for years.
485
00:43:41,007 --> 00:43:46,400
I thought the letters might frighten her,
make her... make her come to me.
486
00:43:49,087 --> 00:43:51,555
What'll happen?
487
00:43:51,607 --> 00:43:54,041
That'll depend on your wife.
488
00:43:58,487 --> 00:44:01,206
1959, that's when it came to me.
489
00:44:04,847 --> 00:44:09,159
I wrote a short story about
a half-Pawnee, half-Scotsman.
490
00:44:09,207 --> 00:44:11,198
Luke Kincaid.
491
00:44:13,887 --> 00:44:16,845
I've never been there, you know.
492
00:44:16,887 --> 00:44:21,836
The West.
Never been any further west than Bristol.
493
00:44:31,127 --> 00:44:33,118
Can't face the ceilidh, Hamish.
494
00:44:36,807 --> 00:44:38,798
Well, Luke Kincaid would go.
495
00:44:43,207 --> 00:44:45,801
- Would he?
- Absolutely.
496
00:44:46,727 --> 00:44:49,002
(? Lively traditional Scottish music)
497
00:45:14,207 --> 00:45:16,801
Getting lively in there, Kincaid.
498
00:45:55,327 --> 00:45:57,921
(Conversation drowned out by music)
499
00:46:14,807 --> 00:46:16,798
(Music ends)
500
00:46:16,847 --> 00:46:20,317
...I'm sick of watching you
make a total fool of yourself
501
00:46:20,367 --> 00:46:23,757
organising other people's lives
for them...
502
00:46:25,007 --> 00:46:27,726
...because I was too scared to tell you.
503
00:46:27,767 --> 00:46:30,361
Tell her now!
504
00:46:30,407 --> 00:46:33,604
And because
I still love you enough to care.
505
00:46:36,767 --> 00:46:40,362
- You didn't say.
- You didn't ask.
506
00:46:40,407 --> 00:46:44,195
Come on, we need an extra couple
for the Eightsome Reel. Wullie!
507
00:46:44,247 --> 00:46:46,238
Take it away there, Paul.
508
00:46:46,287 --> 00:46:48,482
(? Lively traditional music)
509
00:47:10,687 --> 00:47:13,281
(Conversation drowned out by music)
510
00:48:04,167 --> 00:48:06,158
Come on, Jock.
511
00:48:06,207 --> 00:48:10,405
Let's go and catch a trout
and bribe that stupid inspector.
512
00:48:37,847 --> 00:48:40,441
Oh, man,
513
00:48:40,487 --> 00:48:42,876
disnae get much better than this.
514
00:48:42,926 --> 00:48:47,476
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