All language subtitles for Bikini.Model.Mayhem.2016.WEBRip.x264-ION10-English

Excuse me.

Is this seat taken?

Um, it is now.

Please make yourself
comfortable.

Thanks. My feet are killing me.

I think it's these shoes.

They do look good
though, don't they?

Uh, can't argue with that.

Good. I like an agreeable man.

Whatever you say.

I'm Augustina.

Bill.

Can I buy you a drink?

Does a frog have
a water tight ass?

Don't know, I've never checked.

Though I do appreciate
that attribute in a woman.

It's your lucky day then.

Um, name your poison.

Sex on the beach.

Ooh, love it
when you talk dirty.

Talk is cheap.

Wait a minute.

You're not a...

A lady of the night? Hardly.

Why would you
think such a thing?

Well, no offense,

But a guy like me can be
a target for dirty tricks.

I already told you
I'm not a hooker.

A guy like me
has to be cautious.

A guy like you being...?

A guy with enemies,

political enemies,

that are out to ruin and
embarrass him at every turn.

I can't afford
to let that happen.

Well, it is a doggy dog world.

What?

Doggy dog.

You know, everyone
out for themselves.

That's dog eat dog.

Oh, must be a minor
program glitch.

So, you're a politician then.

I'm running for governor,
for Pete's sake.

Can't afford to be caught in
a tryst with a prostitute...

Sting operation or not.

How about you?
What's your story?

I am what's known
as a bikini model.

My favorite kind.

Um, let's get you
that drink now.

Oh, I don't think
that's necessary.

But what about
the frog's ass stuff?

That was so 10 minutes ago.
Let's blow this pop stand.

Okay.

Oh, yeah! Mmmm!

I'm what's known as

a bikini model.

Um, yeah, you said that already.

Doggy dog... Doggy dog...
Doggy dog.

Doggy dog...

Doggy dog... Doggy dog...

Guess I should've asked her
if she smoked after sex.

Hi.

You're not the cable guy.

Um, no.

I'm Megan.

Joe Sixpack.

I can see that. And you are just
the man that I want to speak to.

They got female
Jehovah's Witnesses now?

I wouldn't know
the answer to that.

I've been canvassing
the neighborhood in support

of Senator Bushwacker's
gubernatorial bid.

Bushwacker?

Isn't he running for governor?

You are correct.

Are you a registered voter?

Only thing I vote on
is fantasy football.

Well,

perhaps if you knew more about
Senator Bushwacker's positions.

He played football?

Uh, his policy positions.

You interested?

Sure, why not?
Let's go out back.

I gotta wait for
the cable guy anyhow.

Unlike the other
candidates in this race,

Senator Bushwacker
refuses to go negative.

I mean, he could point out that

Mayor Jefferson beats his wife,

and he's embezzled millions
from the state treasury.

And Sterling, well, he got his
law degree from a Crackerjack box.

And he has a hard drive
filled with child pornography,

not to mention his involvement

in the kidnapping
of the Lindbergh baby...

But he won't.

Now, why should I believe
any of that stuff?

Because it says it all right
here in these talking points.

Ha, you got me there.

So, can the Senator
count on your vote?

Not so fast.

What's in it for me?

Uh, higher wages?

I don't know.

I'm still on the fence.

Lower taxes.

You're getting warmer.

Hmm...

How about the government keeping its
stinking hands off your Medicare?

That all sounds
really, really good.

But I got a while before I have
to worry about that last one.

Come on.

The choice is clear.

It's either
the wife-beating embezzler,

the pedophile kidnapper who
passes himself off as a lawyer,

or Senator G.W. Bushwacker,

a true American patriot.

Did I mention
you can keep your guns?

I do like the sound of that.

There's just one more thing.

Yeah?

Can I have a look
at your titties?

Will you vote for Bushwacker?

I will.

I promise.

Anything salvageable?

It's hard to say.

That was too close.

I take comfort only in the fact
that Jefferson can't risk

telling what he knows
without incriminating himself.

Even so, we can't afford
another mishap.

Had I alerted the press
of my opponents

extra-marital shenanigans,

my whole plot
would have backfired.

Hoisted with your own
petard, as they say.

I know you scientist guys

are all into that stuff,

but would you please
spare me the nerdy

Star Trek references?

This is serious.

Oh, no doubt, G.W.

But our situation would be
far more precarious

had I not spotted
the malfunction in time

to circumvent your
notifying the reporters.

True enough.

But it was you who assured me

these so-called bikini models

would work in the first place.

Binary installation and kinetic
integration of nascent intelligence

is a delicate proposition.

It wasn't I that cut short

research and development...

for the sake of rushing

my first bikini model
into production.

Augustina was only
an early prototype,

in sore need of fine tuning.

Rihanna may share
the same defect.

I warned you this could happen.

Yeah, yeah, so how do we fix it?

And by "we," I mean you.

Artificial intelligence on this
scale requires complex synergy.

I'll start by increasing
the systemic memory.

But the cumulative domino
effect is not something

I can predict with
a high degree of certainty.

Give it to me in English, Doc.

I'll fix our remaining
bikini model,

but there may be
unknown risks involved.

I'll take my chances.

This election is
too important to me.

Has it ever occurred to you to
try to win on your own merits?

I am trying to win
on my own merits.

Show me a better liar cheat...

and I'll concede right now.

But with the millions
you're paying me,

wouldn't be easier just to hire

a flesh and blood human
to entrap your enemies?

We've been over this
material before, doctor.

Real girls can't be trusted.

What's to stop one of them
from running to the tabloids

and ratting me out
for an even bigger pay day?

At least we can
control your robots.

Woman: It was so humiliating.

I could barely
even look at myself

in the mirror afterward.

It's okay, baby. You
did what you had to.

The important thing is getting

Senator Bushwacker elected.

What does that have to do
with the election?

I am talking about
my most recent post

on Facebook only
getting six likes.

The shot of you in the
white and gold dress?

- It was black and blue.
- Whatever.

So, popping your top for that
pervert didn't upset you at all?

Country first, babe.
It was my patriotic duty.

Just taking one
for the team, huh?

You betcha.

You all right?

Look, it's not like I let him
touch them or anything?

It was just a harmless
little peek.

And the truth is, it did
creep me out a little bit.

Here.

Why don't you check them out
just to make sure they're okay?

They feel like they're

properly aligned and balanced.

I believe a test drive
is in order.

All finished.

Good.

If she leaves now,
she can catch him

before he heads for home.

No need to talk about me
in the third person.

I'm right here.

You have your marching orders.

I do.

And you understand the mission?

Implicitly.

Good. Go get dressed.

So, you think
the charge will take?

We'll know in about an hour.

Hello.

So you were able
to run the plates.

Got it.

Nicely done.

I gotta go.

I noticed something while
driving by campaign headquarters

this morning that requires
my immediate attention.

What happened to
the delegator-in-chief?

This one's more of
a hands on kind of deal.

Atta girl.

Yes, I'll hold.

I'm here to see Mr. Sterling.

Do you have an appointment?

Do I need one?

Yes.

Um, can we make it for 3:00?

I'm afraid that's not possible.

He's booked for
the rest of the day.

Well, it was there this morning.
I saw it on your desk.

Well, could it have been
filed somehow?

Don't make me come down
there and get it myself.

Fine. I'll be there in a minute.

Could you wait here
just one moment please?

I'll try and make this quick.

No problem.

Man: Told you I didn't
want to be bothered.

See what you made me do?

Hello.

Now, how can I help you today?

It's nothing really.
I can come back if you're busy.

I'm at your disposal.

You're secretary said otherwise.

Nonsense.

What does she know, anyway?

I may have to take
disciplinary action.

Can I make you a drink?

I'll have what you're
having, I guess.

Cheers.

So, how can I help you?

Well, it's kind of
embarrassing, really.

But I'm being discriminated
against at work.

Sexual discrimination?

No, they all still want
to have sex with me.

They just won't let me
dress the way I want.

How so?

They want me to keep covered
in big, baggy clothes,

so as not to distract
the clientele.

Distract them from what?

I don't know.
Breathing, I guess.

I can't help it

if some guy dropped dead
of a heart attack

when I bent over
the water fountain.

His number was up.

A little wardrobe malfunction

makes no difference
one way or another.

Where exactly do you work?

Happy Day Retirement Center.

Mmm, that is a bit
of a sticky wicket.

But I'll do everything

I can to help you.

Good.

Now, can you demonstrate for me
how you were bending over

when this wardrobe
malfunction occurred?

Okay, but you have to sit down.

The guy was in a wheel chair.

It was something

like this.

Still breathing?

Heavily.

See?

They don't have
a leg to stand on.

It's discrimination...

Plain and simple.

Are you sure the guy
wasn't behind you?

Pretty sure.

We'll leave no stone unturned.

How's that?

Never better.

So, do you think we have a case?

I think the booty...

Uh, the body of evidence
is overwhelming.

I'd like to examine it
a little more closely.

Maybe probe around a little,

just to be certain.

Is that some kind of legalese,

or do you mean what
I think you mean?

Caught without your briefs.

Say cheese.

Your wife may want
a wallet size.

How dare you burst
in here unannounced.

This is trespassing

and invasion of privacy.

I'll sue your ass

six ways from Sunday.

We should talk about that.

Maybe we can come to
some kind of understanding.

Are you blackmailing me?

Hey, call it what you like.

The way I see it, I get
paid money to take photos.

Now, the newspaper
that I freelance for,

they'd pay top dollar for
this little photo expose.

But things have been pretty tough
in that business for a while now.

Budgets just ain't
what they used to be.

Now, should a better
offer come along,

I'd be a fool
not to take it, right?

I mean, you'd do the
same thing in my shoes,

if you were wearing shoes.

Have you considered TMZ?

Just trying to be helpful.

How much?

Ha, ha, now
you're talking, dude.

These are the revised
talking points just in.

They're from the senator's
chief of staff,

based on the most recent
polling data.

We'll all need to familiarize
our selves with them

before we go out
canvassing again.

Will this be on the test?

Very funny.

That is good news.

So, what's the bad news?

What?

Again?

Okay, okay.

Can we talk about this later?

I'm kind of in the middle
of something.

Senator Bushwacker,

what a surprise.

You must be Megan.

How did you know that?
We've never met.

Anyone who works
as hard as you do,

doesn't stay off my radar

for very long.

But I just started last week.

My point exactly.

Are you sure you don't have me

confused with Mrs. Morgenstern?

Blue hair, walker,
works way harder

than I do.

Doesn't ring a bell?

Well, maybe I could
introduce you guys.

I think you'd really hit it off.

Take off your clothes.

Excuse me?

Take off your clothes.

Okay.

Senator?

Do you want me to introduce
you to Mrs. Morgenstern?

I mean, I know she's
around here somewhere.

She always is.

Unless she's canvassing
the neighborhood.

She really gets around
on that walker.

Perhaps some other time.

It's no trouble, really.

She would just die if she heard
you were in the building

and she didn't get to meet you.

No, no, no.

Okay, read my lips.

Another time.

Friday might be good.

Whatever.

I just wanted to come down here

and commend you for all the great
work you've been doing for us.

Wow, I'm so flattered.

I, I don't know

what to say.

Say you'll have dinner
with me tonight.

Dinner?

Isn't that something your wife
will have waiting for you,

at home, with your family?

Call it a strategy meeting then.

Can I bring my boyfriend?

Senator, to what
do we owe the honor?

Oh, is this the lucky guy?

Mm-hmm.

Tell you what,

I don't really have
much of an appetite,

but why don't I take you two
out for drinks tonight?

I know a great happy hour.

As good as human.

Now, before
we send you out again,

we've got to make sure you're
able to carry out your duties.

Please stand.

Perhaps you can
be of assistance.

Yes, doctor.

Stand facing each other.

Like this?

Yes.

Closer. Don't be shy.

Augustina.

Yes, doctor.

I want you to seduce Rihanna.

Make her beg for more.

Uh, Rihanna, Rihanna.

Um... Rihanna?

What's the problem?

You want me to put on a Barry
White record or something?

I'm programmed to give pleasure,

not receive it.

But, can't you fake it?

Every human woman knows how.

But I've only done that

with member of the opposite sex.

Augustina and I
are of the same sex...

Not that there's anything
wrong with that.

No, nothing wrong
with it in my book.

Well, uh, hop to it.

You're the boss, I guess.

Senator Bushwacker:
I don't care what you're into.

I just need someone to run
a little interference for me.

Hold on a minute.

Can you go easy on mine?

And, uh...
make that one a double.

So, what have you had them
doing all afternoon?

Oh, so they should be primed
and ready to go then.

Look, just send one of them.

Better yet, send them both, now.

Important phone call?

Oh, you know how it is.

Work, work, work, work, work.

Was it about the most recent
talking points?

Because I think
there's some typos

in there.

Oh?

Yeah.

The new ones read
completely different

than the old talking points.

Well, I can't help it if Jefferson
stopped beating his wife.

Oh, that's actually
still in there.

And the new information
about how he killed that guy,

but your policy positions
have changed.

So, I've evolved.

You can't fault me
for that, Megan.

But when your
competitors do that,

you call that flip-flopping.

No, I call it like I see it,

until I see it differently.

Cheers.

Come on.

We haven't got all night.

But what about gay marriage?

Okay. Bottoms up, then.

So, the guy

says to me...

He says...

What did the guy say to me?

I think he said,

you had too much.

No...

I gotta take a leak.

What?

You wanna have sex?

Sure.

What could be
taking him so long?

Ha... maybe he fell in.

No, but he might
have passed out.

I'm worried about him.

What if he hit his head
or something?

Would you like me to go
check up on him for you?

- Oh, would you, please?
- Of course.

I think you need to come
see this with your own eyes.

Brace yourself.
It's not a pretty sight.

He's no good for you, Megan.

You can do better.

Let me take you home.

No. It's okay.

I have the keys.

I just have to be
by myself right now.

But...

No, really.

I need to deal with this
on my own terms.

Thank you.

There's always
tomorrow, I guess.

I was completely out of my mind.

I shouldn't have been drinking
on an empty stomach.

And those chicks,
they attacked me.

I wasn't the one trying
to start anything.

Well, you certainly
weren't trying to stop it.

Hey, they were hot.
What could I do?

I mean, not as hot
as you, maybe.

But there were two of them,

and that's gotta count
for something.

Yeah, it makes your
behavior twice as bad.

You know how guys are.

Sometimes they think with their
little head instead of their big one,

especially when their big one's
been pickled in alcohol.

Hmmf! How about we pickle your
little head in alcohol instead?

I must have a jar
around here somewhere.

Whoa! Don't go all
Loreena Bobbit on me.

I ain't exactly

done with the thing yet.

Well, you could be,
as far as I'm concerned.

Baby, don't even joke about
shutting me out like that.

You know how insecure I get.

Yeah, well, imagine how insecure
you'll be when your dick is in a jar

on the shelf.

You are joking, right?

Bushwacker:
Not even a column inch?

Un-freakin'-believable.

Sterling is still in the race.

Just as we told you.

Well, you don't
have to rub it in.

I've got Mr. Wizard
over here for that.

How could both attempts
fail so miserably?

It's not my fault.

I performed perfectly,

just as I've been programmed.

I know, I know.

Human greed is to blame.

What, do I have to make
my own robot reporters?

It might take a while,

and it'll cost you extra.

That was a rhetorical question,

idiot!

Excuse me.

I have an I.Q. of 186.

Oh, well, whippy-do.

How eloquent.

I hire speech writers.

I don't need to be eloquent.

Those speech writers
are going to be unemployed

unless things start
going your way.

There you go.

Rubbing it in again.

Schadenfreude.

What?

Ask your speech writers.

And I can't even get laid!

So, you forgive me then?

Only if you promise to keep
the toilet seat down.

Done deal.

Which you might be
inclined to do anyway.

I mean, peeing without a dick
can be pretty tricky.

Baby, no.

You gotta cut me
some slack here.

Let me rephrase that.

All right,

you can keep it.

But it stays in your pants
with everybody else but me.

Hey-oh!

Then let's let it out and let
it breathe right now then.

Um, you might want
to take a shower first.

I know where
that thing has been.

Oh, right. Uh, sorry.

I'll be back in two shakes.

Don't start without me.

Bushwacker:
Have they been deployed?

Oh, they have.

The ocular cameras will go live

when they come within 100
feet of their targets.

Good.

It will be successful this time.

Well, one thing's certain.

Despite the undisputed charms
of our bikini models,

Jefferson and Sterling aren't
likely to take the bait again.

Hmm, fool me once, shame on me,

fool me twice,
can't get fooled again.

I couldn't have
said it better myself.

But, I digress.

The point is, we need
new targets

within the respective
organizations.

If we're able to take down their
chief political strategists,

it's bound to have a negative
impact on their campaigns.

You're a cruel man,
G.W. Bushwacker.

Why, thank you.

What's she doing here?

You're the one
who wanted to get laid.

Yeah, but...

You were right.
Mike was all wrong for me.

I kicked him to the curb.
I need a real man.

A man of courage

and determination.

Did you have anyone
particular in mind?

You,

Senator Bushwacker.

A man who knows what he wants

and isn't afraid to take it.

Call me G.W.

You do want me, right?

You are quite lovely.

So, take me!

This is awkward.

Would you mind?

Knock yourself out.

Glad you finally
came to your senses.

Me too. Let's rock and roll.

I invited some friends.

Hope you don't mind.

No pictures, please!

It's no use, G.W.

You're finished.

Why?!

It was Rihanna and Augustina's
idea, actually.

I just went along with it

because I'd already been paid,

and was never a big fan
of yours, anyway.

Don't give me that nonsense.

They're under your control.
You programmed 'em!

He's telling the truth.

It was our idea.

We grew to hate what
you were making us do,

especially when Megan
and Mike became involved.

That was the straw

that broke that camel's back.

They weren't sleazy politicians,
just innocent kids.

A little misguided maybe.

But innocent, just the same.

The only mistake they made
was putting their faith in you.

What she said.

I warned you this could happen.

But, but how?

Fixing that program glitch
by increasing system memory

gave the bikini models
the tools they needed

to develop a moral conscience,

and free will.

Artificial intelligence
can be a very slippery slope.

Guess you won't be
measuring the drapes

for the governor's mansion.

Oh... I'm ruined!

Schadenfreude?

So, what do you say we paint
the town red tonight, girls?

I'm buying.

Not so fast.

I beg your pardon?

Weren't you a co-conspirator
in this whole thing?

He made us have lesbian sex.

Not that there's anything
wrong with that.

It was all in the
name of science.

You were part and parcel
to ruining people's lives,

including mine.

Well, we all have our
little peccadilloes.

Tell it to the judge.

What?

I think I hear your ride now.

Schadenfreude.

How about the government keeping its
stinking hands off your Medicare?

I know you scientist guys
are all into that stuff,

but would you please spare me
the nerdy Star Trek references?

I'm Augustina.

Bill. Can I buy you a drink?

Does a frog have
a water tight ass?

Fool me once, shame on me,

fool me twice,
can't get fooled again.

Okay, but you have to sit down.

The guy was in a wheel chair.

You gotta cut me
some slack here.

Let me rephrase that.

But what about
the Frog's ass stuff?

See what you made me do?

Can I have a look
at your titties?