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1
00:00:02,381 --> 00:00:03,398
Prudence, you have
gotta come outside!
2
00:00:03,422 --> 00:00:04,282
I've just seen the biggest rock!
3
00:00:04,382 --> 00:00:05,804
- Oh!
- Oh, Zeke.
4
00:00:05,904 --> 00:00:07,841
Prudence, I'm so sorry.
I thought you were decent.
5
00:00:07,865 --> 00:00:10,607
Oh, it's okay.
They're just ankles.
6
00:00:10,707 --> 00:00:12,328
Wanna help me cool them off?
7
00:00:12,428 --> 00:00:14,290
Prudence,
you're a married woman.
8
00:00:14,390 --> 00:00:16,251
Come on, Zekey.
9
00:00:16,351 --> 00:00:17,733
Use that big Bible
10
00:00:17,833 --> 00:00:20,054
to cool off
my hot little ankles.
11
00:00:20,154 --> 00:00:23,457
[saxophone music plays]
12
00:00:23,557 --> 00:00:25,558
Like, um...
13
00:00:26,399 --> 00:00:27,980
Like this?
14
00:00:28,080 --> 00:00:29,661
Mmm, yeah, that's good.
15
00:00:29,761 --> 00:00:31,379
I can't believe
this is actually happening.
16
00:00:31,403 --> 00:00:33,824
- More.
- Your ankles are so bony.
17
00:00:33,924 --> 00:00:35,906
- [sighs]
- The bone really juts out.
18
00:00:36,006 --> 00:00:37,427
Faster.
19
00:00:37,527 --> 00:00:39,709
More. Oh, Zeke!
20
00:00:39,809 --> 00:00:41,630
- [man's voice] Zeke. Zeke.
- Zeke! Zeke!
21
00:00:41,730 --> 00:00:44,552
- Zeke. Wake up, man.
- [thunder rumbles]
22
00:00:44,652 --> 00:00:46,070
You were thrashing
around in your sleep.
23
00:00:46,094 --> 00:00:46,914
Oh, right. Sorry.
24
00:00:47,014 --> 00:00:49,236
I wasn't saying anything, was I?
25
00:00:49,336 --> 00:00:50,637
Nope.
26
00:00:50,737 --> 00:00:53,239
Except you did say,
"I'm horny for ankles."
27
00:00:53,339 --> 00:00:54,619
That could mean almost anything.
28
00:00:54,700 --> 00:00:56,701
- No, it can't.
- No, it can't.
29
00:00:57,222 --> 00:01:00,064
[theme song plays]
30
00:01:27,204 --> 00:01:28,825
[oxen mooing]
31
00:01:28,925 --> 00:01:30,667
Oh, I hate this leg of the trip.
32
00:01:30,767 --> 00:01:31,988
Why did Thomas Jefferson
33
00:01:32,088 --> 00:01:33,989
have to buy
this shit piece of land?
34
00:01:34,089 --> 00:01:35,907
Please don't get started
on Thomas Jefferson again.
35
00:01:35,931 --> 00:01:37,468
- Well, he was a crook.
- Oh, here we go.
36
00:01:37,492 --> 00:01:38,673
Ah, they're all crooks.
37
00:01:38,773 --> 00:01:40,030
But the Whig party
on the other hand,
38
00:01:40,054 --> 00:01:41,795
now they're the party
of the people.
39
00:01:41,895 --> 00:01:43,375
I don't think
we should talk politics.
40
00:01:43,456 --> 00:01:45,358
A million and eleven,
41
00:01:45,458 --> 00:01:46,519
a million and twelve...
42
00:01:46,619 --> 00:01:47,519
a million, thirteen...
43
00:01:47,619 --> 00:01:49,761
a million, sign.
44
00:01:49,861 --> 00:01:50,861
Sign!
45
00:01:50,942 --> 00:01:52,243
- Hey, look!
- ZEKE: Whoa, whoa!
46
00:01:52,343 --> 00:01:53,684
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa.
47
00:01:53,784 --> 00:01:55,005
Hey, look, it's a sign.
48
00:01:55,105 --> 00:01:56,366
Yeah!
Branchwater.
49
00:01:56,466 --> 00:02:00,009
Oh, that is the nastiest
saloon town I've ever been to.
50
00:02:00,109 --> 00:02:02,130
And this is coming from
a guy who spent New Year's
51
00:02:02,230 --> 00:02:03,571
at the Alabama Ass Factory.
52
00:02:03,671 --> 00:02:05,853
- Ooh.
- Sounds wild. Let's go!
53
00:02:05,953 --> 00:02:06,970
No, no, guys, if we're trying
54
00:02:06,994 --> 00:02:08,295
to get to Oregon before winter,
55
00:02:08,395 --> 00:02:09,675
we do not have time
for a detour.
56
00:02:09,756 --> 00:02:11,457
- [all groan]
- Come on, Zeke.
57
00:02:11,557 --> 00:02:13,539
These people need a break.
I need a break.
58
00:02:13,639 --> 00:02:15,540
It'll be good for morale.
59
00:02:15,640 --> 00:02:17,982
- I don't know.
- Please?
60
00:02:18,082 --> 00:02:19,899
Come on, please, please,
please, please, please?
61
00:02:19,923 --> 00:02:20,824
Please, please, please, please.
62
00:02:20,924 --> 00:02:23,546
[saxophone music resumes]
63
00:02:23,646 --> 00:02:26,308
Oh... yes. Okay, one.
One night. That's it.
64
00:02:26,408 --> 00:02:28,990
Hey folks!
We're going to Branchwater!
65
00:02:29,090 --> 00:02:31,792
[all cheering]
66
00:02:31,892 --> 00:02:33,233
Yes!
67
00:02:33,333 --> 00:02:34,394
[cheering continues]
68
00:02:34,494 --> 00:02:36,636
Hyah!
69
00:02:36,736 --> 00:02:38,317
Well, well, well.
70
00:02:38,417 --> 00:02:40,839
You see that, Angela?
71
00:02:40,939 --> 00:02:43,781
Looks like we're heading
to Branchwater.
72
00:02:44,782 --> 00:02:47,044
Oh, Angela!
Did you fart again?
73
00:02:47,144 --> 00:02:49,646
I told you to stop eating dairy!
74
00:02:49,746 --> 00:02:51,447
BENNY: All right,
folks, we made it!
75
00:02:51,547 --> 00:02:53,008
It's party time!
76
00:02:53,108 --> 00:02:55,170
I'm getting so drunk,
I'm gonna piss myself.
77
00:02:55,270 --> 00:02:56,611
Me too, honey.
78
00:02:56,711 --> 00:02:57,972
Are you coming in?
79
00:02:58,072 --> 00:02:59,613
No, I'm just gonna
wait by the wagon
80
00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:02,415
and protect my soul
from eternal damnation.
81
00:03:02,515 --> 00:03:03,896
But you have fun.
Come on!
82
00:03:03,996 --> 00:03:05,978
I just want to party
with my best friend.
83
00:03:06,078 --> 00:03:08,860
And ooh! Wait.
Do I hear God?
84
00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:11,422
"Zeke, I command thee
to have fun
85
00:03:11,522 --> 00:03:12,743
for once in your life."
86
00:03:12,843 --> 00:03:14,424
No, that's deeply
sacrilegious, Pru.
87
00:03:14,524 --> 00:03:17,106
"And buy Prudence shots.
Lots and lots of shots."
88
00:03:17,206 --> 00:03:18,547
As I said, no thanks.
89
00:03:18,647 --> 00:03:20,689
A place like this is
no place for a reverend.
90
00:03:21,649 --> 00:03:23,751
[sighs] All right, fine.
91
00:03:23,851 --> 00:03:26,113
You know, you should try
to loosen up.
92
00:03:26,213 --> 00:03:28,234
Just once. I don't know.
You might like it.
93
00:03:28,334 --> 00:03:31,597
The Bible is what I like.
94
00:03:31,697 --> 00:03:33,679
"These are the names
of the sons of Abraham,
95
00:03:33,779 --> 00:03:36,481
"according to their families,
after their places,
96
00:03:36,581 --> 00:03:37,802
by their names."
97
00:03:37,902 --> 00:03:39,403
- [ox grunts]
- Fun.
98
00:03:39,503 --> 00:03:40,283
Fun, fun, fun.
99
00:03:40,383 --> 00:03:42,485
All right, folks.
100
00:03:42,585 --> 00:03:43,886
I say we hit the bar first,
101
00:03:43,986 --> 00:03:45,447
and then we check out
the brothel.
102
00:03:45,547 --> 00:03:47,209
Oh, I am so sorry.
Unfortunately,
103
00:03:47,309 --> 00:03:49,730
we are at capacity
right now.
Capacity?
104
00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:50,950
They used to pack this place
105
00:03:51,031 --> 00:03:52,048
tighter than a sardine barrel.
106
00:03:52,072 --> 00:03:53,653
Oh, you're one of
the old-timers.
107
00:03:53,753 --> 00:03:54,854
Yeah, the Oregon Trail
108
00:03:54,954 --> 00:03:56,776
brought in a ton
of new customers,
109
00:03:56,876 --> 00:03:58,737
so management made a few changes
110
00:03:58,837 --> 00:04:00,539
to appeal to a wider clientele.
111
00:04:00,639 --> 00:04:01,895
But if you want to wait
by the gift shop,
112
00:04:01,919 --> 00:04:04,061
I'll let you know as soon as
some space opens up.
113
00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:05,782
Gift shop?
114
00:04:05,882 --> 00:04:07,984
Key chains?
T-shirts?
115
00:04:08,084 --> 00:04:10,946
"The Original
Devil's Taint Cookbook"?
116
00:04:11,046 --> 00:04:12,748
What the hell happened
to this place?
117
00:04:12,848 --> 00:04:14,149
It totally sold out.
118
00:04:14,249 --> 00:04:16,230
Hairy bastard!
119
00:04:16,330 --> 00:04:19,192
Is that what passes as
a saloon brawl these days?
120
00:04:19,292 --> 00:04:20,633
Pretty weak.
121
00:04:20,733 --> 00:04:22,315
Looks like some space
just opened up.
122
00:04:22,415 --> 00:04:25,037
- Enjoy.
- Let's go.
123
00:04:25,137 --> 00:04:28,239
"And though shalt know
that I am the Lord."
124
00:04:28,339 --> 00:04:30,641
Whoo! Evenin', my lad!
125
00:04:30,741 --> 00:04:32,963
What's a handsome
young fella like you
126
00:04:33,063 --> 00:04:34,964
doing here all alone
instead of out on the town?
127
00:04:35,064 --> 00:04:36,886
Oh, well, no,
it's not really my scene.
128
00:04:36,986 --> 00:04:38,367
I'm... I'm... I'm a reverend.
129
00:04:38,467 --> 00:04:40,328
Then we both do the Lord's work.
130
00:04:40,428 --> 00:04:42,130
I peddle miracle cures.
131
00:04:42,230 --> 00:04:44,491
I'm a snake oil salesman.
Snake oil?
132
00:04:44,591 --> 00:04:46,733
Um... no offense, but,
133
00:04:46,833 --> 00:04:48,814
isn't that just
a bunch of hokum?
Not at all.
134
00:04:48,914 --> 00:04:51,817
Snake oil is
a potent aphrodisiac.
135
00:04:51,917 --> 00:04:54,339
Might come in handy
with that young missus
136
00:04:54,439 --> 00:04:55,580
I saw you with earlier?
137
00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:56,880
Oh, that lady's not my missus.
138
00:04:56,920 --> 00:04:58,181
We're just friends.
139
00:04:58,281 --> 00:05:01,064
My mistake. Snake oil
is not merely an aphrodisiac,
140
00:05:01,164 --> 00:05:02,825
it's also quite good
with hair loss.
141
00:05:02,925 --> 00:05:04,426
Oh. I don't have
that issue.
142
00:05:04,526 --> 00:05:05,806
Well, what do you got?
Back pain?
143
00:05:05,887 --> 00:05:06,748
- No.
- Tennis elbow?
144
00:05:06,848 --> 00:05:07,848
- No.
- The pox.
145
00:05:07,929 --> 00:05:09,025
- No, not yet.
- Burgundy stool.
146
00:05:09,049 --> 00:05:10,511
- No.
- Uh, anxiety?
147
00:05:10,611 --> 00:05:11,832
Oh, my friend did just tell me
148
00:05:11,932 --> 00:05:13,933
I could stand to
loosen up a bit.
149
00:05:14,494 --> 00:05:16,835
That's what snake oil is for!
150
00:05:16,935 --> 00:05:18,557
But don't take my word for it.
151
00:05:18,657 --> 00:05:21,279
Here.
Try one of my samples.
152
00:05:21,379 --> 00:05:22,520
See for yourself.
153
00:05:22,620 --> 00:05:24,621
Thank you.
154
00:05:27,463 --> 00:05:29,085
Oh. Oh, that's good.
155
00:05:29,185 --> 00:05:30,726
Yeah. Oh, it's got
an aftertaste.
156
00:05:30,826 --> 00:05:31,967
Yeah, kinda snakey.
157
00:05:32,067 --> 00:05:33,408
Now you only need a little bit.
158
00:05:33,508 --> 00:05:35,890
Just one or two drops
ought to do it.
[gulping] Mmm!
159
00:05:35,990 --> 00:05:37,971
Hey, man. Don't tell me
how to live my life.
160
00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:40,073
Shit, this stuff's great.
161
00:05:41,033 --> 00:05:42,593
Are you gonna be
all right here?
Oh, yes.
162
00:05:42,675 --> 00:05:45,817
I'll just amuse myself by
looking at the pretty bottles.
163
00:05:45,917 --> 00:05:47,174
All right, I'm gonna go
find the poker table,
164
00:05:47,198 --> 00:05:48,535
throw some cash around
with the big boys.
165
00:05:48,559 --> 00:05:49,660
Wish me luck.
166
00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:51,181
[sighs]
167
00:05:51,281 --> 00:05:53,282
Hey, barkeep. Whiskey.
168
00:05:55,324 --> 00:05:56,705
[shrill laughter]
169
00:05:56,805 --> 00:05:58,667
And so that is why
170
00:05:58,767 --> 00:06:00,664
I raised the prices
on the Tijuana Coochie Twist.
171
00:06:00,688 --> 00:06:02,870
Finally, girl.
That move is worth it.
172
00:06:02,970 --> 00:06:05,111
- [laughter]
- Um, excuse me.
173
00:06:05,211 --> 00:06:07,713
Are you ladies
women of the night?
174
00:06:07,813 --> 00:06:09,154
[all gasp]
175
00:06:09,254 --> 00:06:10,595
It's the 1840s.
176
00:06:10,695 --> 00:06:12,117
The preferred term is whores.
177
00:06:12,217 --> 00:06:15,879
Oh, sorry. Didn't mean
to offend you... whores.
178
00:06:15,979 --> 00:06:17,881
I just think what you do
is so amazing.
179
00:06:17,981 --> 00:06:19,602
It's always sounded so exotic.
180
00:06:19,702 --> 00:06:20,583
Well, would you want
to give it a try?
181
00:06:20,663 --> 00:06:22,404
[scoffs] What? No!
182
00:06:22,504 --> 00:06:24,045
Me? Come... really?
183
00:06:24,145 --> 00:06:26,047
Come on, let's just get you
into a dress.
184
00:06:26,147 --> 00:06:28,209
We have one exactly your size.
185
00:06:28,309 --> 00:06:30,166
One of the girls was just
stabbed to death in it.
186
00:06:30,190 --> 00:06:33,272
Oh. Just my luck.
[laughter]
187
00:06:35,714 --> 00:06:37,255
[clears throat]
Excuse me, boys.
188
00:06:37,355 --> 00:06:38,216
You mind if I join?
189
00:06:38,316 --> 00:06:39,937
This ain't no game
for a gentleman.
190
00:06:40,037 --> 00:06:41,699
I may be a gentleman,
191
00:06:41,799 --> 00:06:44,261
but, uh... whew.
192
00:06:44,361 --> 00:06:45,622
My friends here...
193
00:06:45,722 --> 00:06:47,763
well, they play real dirty.
194
00:06:49,204 --> 00:06:51,206
Take a seat.
195
00:06:53,527 --> 00:06:55,529
Interesting.
196
00:06:57,690 --> 00:06:58,791
All in.
197
00:06:58,891 --> 00:07:00,272
Full house.
198
00:07:00,372 --> 00:07:02,374
Shit!
199
00:07:03,495 --> 00:07:04,996
[clears throat] That's...
200
00:07:05,096 --> 00:07:07,158
Okay.
Let me just, um...
201
00:07:07,258 --> 00:07:09,319
Okay.
202
00:07:09,419 --> 00:07:11,321
Now I'm focused.
203
00:07:11,421 --> 00:07:12,421
I'm sorry, madam,
204
00:07:12,461 --> 00:07:14,643
this prostitution menu
is ridiculous.
205
00:07:14,743 --> 00:07:16,284
There's too many choices.
206
00:07:16,384 --> 00:07:17,765
I remember when
all you could order
207
00:07:17,865 --> 00:07:19,207
was a 2-buck pump and dump.
208
00:07:19,307 --> 00:07:21,308
And that was all you needed.
209
00:07:22,549 --> 00:07:24,550
Benny the Teen.
210
00:07:26,752 --> 00:07:28,854
Choose your last words
carefully,
211
00:07:28,954 --> 00:07:32,036
because this time,
there'll be no escape.
212
00:07:33,877 --> 00:07:35,819
Whoopsie!
I'll take that.
213
00:07:35,919 --> 00:07:37,780
This is a no-shooting
establishment after 6:00.
214
00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:39,257
You can grab your gun
from the valet
215
00:07:39,281 --> 00:07:41,103
on your way out.
Thank you so much!
216
00:07:41,203 --> 00:07:41,943
Cute hat.
217
00:07:42,043 --> 00:07:43,705
I'm sorry, what the hell?
218
00:07:43,805 --> 00:07:46,307
I know!
This place sucks now.
219
00:07:46,407 --> 00:07:48,408
What the [bleep]?
220
00:07:51,050 --> 00:07:54,073
Almost done! And...
221
00:07:54,173 --> 00:07:55,634
Voila.
222
00:07:55,734 --> 00:07:58,476
Oh, my God.
I look like a whore.
223
00:07:58,576 --> 00:07:59,797
And I love it!
224
00:07:59,897 --> 00:08:01,638
Girl, you're like
a young Betsy Ross,
225
00:08:01,738 --> 00:08:04,600
but like, a whore.
[laughs]
226
00:08:04,700 --> 00:08:06,242
Ha, ha!
227
00:08:06,342 --> 00:08:08,964
Howdy, folks.
Somebody order a party?
228
00:08:09,064 --> 00:08:12,286
- Reverend Brown?
- Farmer John! Looking sexy!
229
00:08:12,386 --> 00:08:14,688
Granny McGill,
we are doing shots later
230
00:08:14,788 --> 00:08:16,789
and you're not
getting out of it.
231
00:08:17,390 --> 00:08:18,571
Zeke, is that you?
232
00:08:18,671 --> 00:08:21,773
- [gasps]
- WHORES: Your first client!
233
00:08:21,873 --> 00:08:23,975
Whoa, Prude!
Is that you?
234
00:08:24,075 --> 00:08:25,412
What do you think?
Just a little something
235
00:08:25,436 --> 00:08:27,818
I picked up from
a dead whore's closet.
236
00:08:27,918 --> 00:08:28,838
Thought you were waiting
in the wagon.
237
00:08:28,918 --> 00:08:30,820
Hmm, well, yes, I was.
But then,
238
00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:32,821
I had a little bit
of this snake oil,
239
00:08:32,921 --> 00:08:34,503
and now I'm feeling good.
240
00:08:34,603 --> 00:08:37,105
Reverend Brown gettin' down
with snake oil?
241
00:08:37,205 --> 00:08:38,422
- What would Jesus think?
- Bleagh!
242
00:08:38,446 --> 00:08:40,307
Who cares what he thinks?
Aah! [laughs]
243
00:08:40,407 --> 00:08:41,864
I've lived my whole life
with all those rules
244
00:08:41,888 --> 00:08:43,705
and restrictions.
I've been such a dork, right?
245
00:08:43,729 --> 00:08:44,866
- I mean, yeah, a little.
- Yeah!
246
00:08:44,890 --> 00:08:46,067
I just want to scream it
out to the world...
247
00:08:46,091 --> 00:08:48,313
Reverend Ezekiel Brown
is a big fat dork!
248
00:08:48,413 --> 00:08:49,754
Oh, my God! Stop.
249
00:08:49,854 --> 00:08:51,796
But don't. I love it.
You hearing that music?
250
00:08:51,896 --> 00:08:53,112
Is it coming from the piano
or is it coming
251
00:08:53,136 --> 00:08:54,273
straight from my heart?
Do you want to dance?
252
00:08:54,297 --> 00:08:56,759
No, Prudence,
I don't want to dance.
253
00:08:56,859 --> 00:08:58,440
- I need to dance.
- [giggles]
254
00:08:58,540 --> 00:09:00,762
I mean, what the hell
happened to this place?
255
00:09:00,862 --> 00:09:02,720
Used to be you could come in
any night of the week
256
00:09:02,744 --> 00:09:04,525
and you'd find
Three-Fingered Joe
257
00:09:04,625 --> 00:09:06,282
strangling anyone who
looked at him sideways.
258
00:09:06,306 --> 00:09:07,848
- Oh, Dirty Dick Bob.
- Right?
259
00:09:07,948 --> 00:09:08,848
Sticking his you-know-what
260
00:09:08,948 --> 00:09:10,249
into whatever hole
he could find.
261
00:09:10,349 --> 00:09:12,091
Kids these days
are buying cowboy hats
262
00:09:12,191 --> 00:09:13,732
with bullet holes
already in them.
263
00:09:13,832 --> 00:09:15,053
- You're kidding!
- No!
264
00:09:15,153 --> 00:09:17,094
Sorry for that long wait.
Now what can I get you?
265
00:09:17,194 --> 00:09:19,016
I'll have a steak, bloody.
266
00:09:19,116 --> 00:09:20,737
- Make that two.
- Ooh, sorry.
267
00:09:20,837 --> 00:09:22,338
We actually stopped
carrying steak.
268
00:09:22,438 --> 00:09:24,460
- No steak?
- We do have shishito peppers,
269
00:09:24,560 --> 00:09:26,982
that are lightly drizzled
with Ortega cheese,
270
00:09:27,082 --> 00:09:29,143
that are just absolutely mmm!
271
00:09:29,243 --> 00:09:30,865
All right, that's it.
I've had enough!
272
00:09:30,965 --> 00:09:32,142
[pounds table, objects clatter]
273
00:09:32,166 --> 00:09:33,886
That's what's wrong
with this country today!
274
00:09:33,967 --> 00:09:36,069
You make everything
clean and nice
275
00:09:36,169 --> 00:09:37,910
and pretty for everyone,
but then you lose
276
00:09:38,010 --> 00:09:40,192
what makes it cool
and authentic and real!
277
00:09:40,292 --> 00:09:42,193
I want the grit!
I want the soul!
278
00:09:42,293 --> 00:09:44,795
Yeah!
Most of all,
I want my goddamn steak!
279
00:09:44,895 --> 00:09:46,295
Do you want to speak
to the manager?
280
00:09:46,376 --> 00:09:48,598
Yes, I'd like to speak
to the manager, thank you.
281
00:09:48,698 --> 00:09:50,039
Ho ho, that was great!
282
00:09:50,139 --> 00:09:51,440
Was the fist slam too much?
283
00:09:51,540 --> 00:09:53,562
No, it was perfect.
284
00:09:53,662 --> 00:09:55,203
Ow.
285
00:09:55,303 --> 00:09:57,805
Well, it has not been
my night. [chuckles]
286
00:09:57,905 --> 00:09:59,326
I almost had you
on that last hand.
287
00:09:59,426 --> 00:10:01,427
Just... [clears throat]
Okay.
288
00:10:02,788 --> 00:10:03,889
Hoo! Finally.
289
00:10:03,989 --> 00:10:06,471
Okay, looks like my ship
has come in.
290
00:10:08,713 --> 00:10:10,374
- I'll raise.
- Sorry, pardner,
291
00:10:10,474 --> 00:10:11,851
but you got nothing left
to raise with.
292
00:10:11,875 --> 00:10:14,937
I have more money, in my wagon.
293
00:10:15,037 --> 00:10:16,339
Well, I'm good for it.
I swear.
294
00:10:16,439 --> 00:10:19,581
I'll take the gentleman's
word for it. Let's see.
295
00:10:19,681 --> 00:10:21,783
Four aces.
296
00:10:21,883 --> 00:10:23,744
Read 'em and weep,
you filthy bastards!
297
00:10:23,844 --> 00:10:25,225
Not so fast.
298
00:10:25,325 --> 00:10:26,325
Five aces.
299
00:10:26,366 --> 00:10:28,428
What? How is that
even possible?
300
00:10:28,528 --> 00:10:29,348
Hold on.
301
00:10:29,448 --> 00:10:32,150
- Twelve aces.
- MAN: Dang it!
302
00:10:32,250 --> 00:10:35,553
I do not understand
the rules of this game.
303
00:10:35,653 --> 00:10:37,955
Gentlemen, you wanted to speak
with the manager?
304
00:10:38,055 --> 00:10:39,356
You're damn right we want to...
305
00:10:39,456 --> 00:10:41,998
- Dirty Dick Bob?
- Benny the Teen?
306
00:10:42,098 --> 00:10:43,679
Bounty hunter with no name?
307
00:10:43,779 --> 00:10:45,040
How the hell are you guys?
308
00:10:45,140 --> 00:10:47,081
We were just talking about you!
309
00:10:47,181 --> 00:10:49,003
- What?
- How'd they let a nasty pervert
310
00:10:49,103 --> 00:10:51,845
like Dirty Dick Bob
run a slick joint like this?
311
00:10:51,945 --> 00:10:54,087
Actually, it's
Dirty Dick Robert now.
312
00:10:54,187 --> 00:10:55,728
I run the front of the house,
313
00:10:55,828 --> 00:10:56,925
and my wife handles the books.
314
00:10:56,949 --> 00:10:58,530
- You have a wife?
- I sure do.
315
00:10:58,630 --> 00:11:01,092
I can't believe it!
You used to stick your dick
316
00:11:01,192 --> 00:11:02,333
into anything that moved!
317
00:11:02,433 --> 00:11:03,530
And plenty of stuff that didn't!
318
00:11:03,554 --> 00:11:06,016
Yes, I did fornicate
with objects,
319
00:11:06,116 --> 00:11:08,057
but you can't stay young
forever.
320
00:11:08,157 --> 00:11:09,778
Eventually you gotta grow up
321
00:11:09,878 --> 00:11:11,540
and start having a real life.
322
00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:14,662
But enough about me.
What have you guys been up to?
323
00:11:14,762 --> 00:11:16,223
Oh, you know,
mostly the same stuff.
324
00:11:16,323 --> 00:11:17,424
You know, chasing this guy.
325
00:11:17,524 --> 00:11:19,706
Yeah, the same.
Being chased by him.
326
00:11:19,806 --> 00:11:23,549
Wow, so you guys are still
doing that whole thing.
327
00:11:23,649 --> 00:11:25,950
Well, cool. Very cool.
328
00:11:26,050 --> 00:11:28,072
[stammers]
I'd love to stay and chat,
329
00:11:28,172 --> 00:11:29,873
but I should get back to work.
330
00:11:29,973 --> 00:11:32,115
Sure, but maybe we could
all hang out sometime.
331
00:11:32,215 --> 00:11:34,277
Maybe. It... it's difficult
with the kids and all.
332
00:11:34,377 --> 00:11:36,798
Hostess, more
shishito peppers over here!
333
00:11:36,898 --> 00:11:38,840
On the house!
[laughs]
334
00:11:38,940 --> 00:11:40,281
Huh.
335
00:11:40,381 --> 00:11:41,682
Yeah.
336
00:11:41,782 --> 00:11:43,003
- [cheering]
- [piano playing]
337
00:11:43,103 --> 00:11:44,724
My skin feels electric.
338
00:11:44,824 --> 00:11:46,286
Touch it!
It's electric, right?
339
00:11:46,386 --> 00:11:47,706
Why can't it be
like this forever?
340
00:11:47,787 --> 00:11:50,168
I don't want to go to stupid
Oregon and be a boring wife.
341
00:11:50,268 --> 00:11:52,250
Shh! Shh!
Shush your mouth right now.
342
00:11:52,350 --> 00:11:54,207
I'm shushing.
Nothing has to change
after this trip.
343
00:11:54,231 --> 00:11:56,773
It's your life, and you can do
whatever you want to do,
344
00:11:56,873 --> 00:11:58,134
and be whoever you want to be.
345
00:11:58,234 --> 00:12:00,416
You're right.
Thanks, Zeke.
346
00:12:00,516 --> 00:12:01,417
I have an idea.
347
00:12:01,517 --> 00:12:02,894
Why don't we do
some more snake oil?
348
00:12:02,918 --> 00:12:04,158
Are you sure you need any more?
349
00:12:04,239 --> 00:12:05,576
We're already having fun.
But think about it...
350
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:07,257
if we're having fun now,
things will be extra fun
351
00:12:07,281 --> 00:12:08,898
with more snake oil!
That's just basic math.
352
00:12:08,922 --> 00:12:11,060
Still a pass for me.
Thanks, though.
Oh, all right, Mom.
353
00:12:11,084 --> 00:12:13,426
More yum-yums for Freaky Zekey.
354
00:12:13,526 --> 00:12:14,226
Whoa, easy, champ.
355
00:12:14,326 --> 00:12:16,148
Okay, Zeke, no.
Come on.
356
00:12:16,248 --> 00:12:18,189
You need to take it down,
like, so many notches.
357
00:12:18,289 --> 00:12:19,506
You're acting out of control.
Out of control? No.
358
00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:21,992
I am in control for
the first time in my life.
359
00:12:22,092 --> 00:12:24,274
There are no consequences
to my actions. I'm free!
360
00:12:24,374 --> 00:12:25,675
[slowed-down evil laughter]
361
00:12:25,775 --> 00:12:27,316
You're next, Ezekiel.
362
00:12:27,416 --> 00:12:29,458
Ahh! The devil has come
for my soul!
363
00:12:30,939 --> 00:12:32,940
I just meant
his song request is next.
364
00:12:33,981 --> 00:12:35,983
- [sighs]
- Zeke.
365
00:12:37,103 --> 00:12:38,284
Maybe my girlfriend's right.
366
00:12:38,384 --> 00:12:41,026
Maybe I do come on too strong.
367
00:12:46,190 --> 00:12:47,567
Can you believe
Dirty Dick Bob sold out?
368
00:12:47,591 --> 00:12:50,013
What a loser, huh?
I don't know, Benny.
369
00:12:50,113 --> 00:12:52,115
What if we're the losers?
370
00:12:53,235 --> 00:12:55,577
What are you talking about?
We're the only real ones left.
371
00:12:55,677 --> 00:12:56,978
- Remember?
- Are we?
372
00:12:57,078 --> 00:12:58,219
Look at us.
373
00:12:58,319 --> 00:12:59,700
We're doing the same thing
374
00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:01,017
we were doing
since we were kids.
375
00:13:01,041 --> 00:13:05,144
We don't have families
or houses or real jobs.
376
00:13:05,244 --> 00:13:07,106
It's kinda pathetic, isn't it?
377
00:13:07,206 --> 00:13:08,907
Let me ask you something...
do you love it?
378
00:13:09,007 --> 00:13:10,949
- Oh, stop it.
- Do you love it?
379
00:13:11,049 --> 00:13:12,350
Of course I love it.
380
00:13:12,450 --> 00:13:16,713
But there comes a time
when you have to move on.
381
00:13:16,813 --> 00:13:18,975
Leave childish things behind.
382
00:13:20,816 --> 00:13:22,817
I'm hanging up my hat.
383
00:13:23,658 --> 00:13:25,660
Maybe you should, too.
384
00:13:27,021 --> 00:13:29,022
Dingus.
385
00:13:30,984 --> 00:13:32,285
PRUDENCE: Zeke.
386
00:13:32,385 --> 00:13:33,485
- BOTH: Ooh.
- Todd.
387
00:13:33,585 --> 00:13:35,003
I... I didn't expect you
to see me like this.
388
00:13:35,027 --> 00:13:37,044
Sorry, whore, I don't have time
for your cheap tricks.
389
00:13:37,068 --> 00:13:39,210
I just gambled away
my entire fortune.
390
00:13:39,310 --> 00:13:41,251
- You did what?
- Yeah, don't tell the missus.
391
00:13:41,351 --> 00:13:43,093
Anyway, I gotta get
out of here quick
392
00:13:43,193 --> 00:13:45,895
before those big
stinkin' lugs find me.
393
00:13:45,995 --> 00:13:48,056
[gasps]
394
00:13:48,156 --> 00:13:49,537
I've been looking
all over for you.
395
00:13:49,637 --> 00:13:52,540
The only thing I'm
looking for is your blood.
396
00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:55,582
- What's going on?
- [piano intro plays]
397
00:13:55,682 --> 00:14:00,285
♪♪ She'll be coming round
the mountain when she comes ♪♪
398
00:14:01,967 --> 00:14:06,870
♪♪ She'll be coming round the
mountain when she comes ♪♪
399
00:14:06,970 --> 00:14:08,792
Holy smokes!
Is that the reverend?
400
00:14:08,892 --> 00:14:11,274
What's he doing up there?
401
00:14:11,374 --> 00:14:13,795
Look at those dead shark eyes.
402
00:14:13,895 --> 00:14:15,397
Does he even know where he is?
403
00:14:15,497 --> 00:14:18,119
I think he's just completely
out of his mind at this point.
404
00:14:18,219 --> 00:14:20,280
♪♪ The mountain ♪♪
405
00:14:20,380 --> 00:14:24,343
♪♪ When she comes ♪♪
406
00:14:26,665 --> 00:14:29,727
♪♪ She'll be driving six white
horses when she comes ♪♪
407
00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:34,171
♪♪ She'll be driving six
white horses when she comes ♪♪
408
00:14:34,271 --> 00:14:36,372
Shake it, baby!
409
00:14:36,472 --> 00:14:38,032
♪♪ She'll be driving
six white horses ♪♪
410
00:14:38,073 --> 00:14:42,097
♪♪ She'll be driving six white
horses when she comes ♪♪
411
00:14:42,197 --> 00:14:44,278
[dance music continues]
412
00:14:59,489 --> 00:15:01,351
♪♪ She'll be coming round
the mountain
413
00:15:01,451 --> 00:15:03,432
- ♪♪ When she comes ♪♪
- ♪♪ When she comes ♪♪
414
00:15:03,532 --> 00:15:05,470
♪♪ She'll be coming round
the mountain when she comes ♪♪
415
00:15:05,494 --> 00:15:07,254
- ♪♪ When she comes ♪♪
- ♪♪ When she comes ♪♪
416
00:15:07,335 --> 00:15:09,277
♪♪ She'll be coming round
the mountain ♪♪
417
00:15:09,377 --> 00:15:10,914
♪♪ She'll be coming
round the mountain ♪♪
418
00:15:10,938 --> 00:15:14,761
♪♪ She'll be coming round
the mountain when she comes ♪♪
419
00:15:14,861 --> 00:15:17,163
♪♪ Comes, comes, comes ♪♪
420
00:15:17,263 --> 00:15:21,406
♪♪ Comes, comes, comes,
comes, comes ♪♪
421
00:15:21,506 --> 00:15:23,688
[discordant piano flourish]
422
00:15:23,788 --> 00:15:25,789
[weak applause]
423
00:15:28,031 --> 00:15:29,652
Hey. [kisses]
424
00:15:29,752 --> 00:15:31,753
[clears throat]
425
00:15:34,636 --> 00:15:36,297
Zeke, that was...
426
00:15:36,397 --> 00:15:37,978
I didn't even know what to say.
427
00:15:38,078 --> 00:15:39,339
Just... wow.
428
00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:40,980
Prudence, there is something
429
00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:43,242
I've wanted to do
for a long time.
430
00:15:53,570 --> 00:15:55,992
- Honk, honk.
- Excuse me?
431
00:15:56,092 --> 00:15:57,913
Beep beep! Arooga!
432
00:15:58,013 --> 00:16:00,015
Well, that was unexpected.
433
00:16:03,057 --> 00:16:05,319
Pro tip?
Rob him while he's out.
434
00:16:05,419 --> 00:16:07,040
Here, I'll show you.
435
00:16:07,140 --> 00:16:08,881
Oh, nice.
He's got a Bible.
436
00:16:08,981 --> 00:16:10,482
- [liquid pouring]
- [rooster crows]
437
00:16:10,582 --> 00:16:12,764
Oh, we got most
of the glitter off,
438
00:16:12,864 --> 00:16:15,086
and some coffee should help
the headache.
439
00:16:15,186 --> 00:16:17,187
Thank you, Granny.
440
00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:23,812
Prudence, I believe
a massive apology is in order.
441
00:16:23,912 --> 00:16:26,334
Obviously I was totally
out of my mind last night
442
00:16:26,434 --> 00:16:28,096
and I just hope you know
that none of that
443
00:16:28,196 --> 00:16:29,252
would've happened
had it not been
444
00:16:29,276 --> 00:16:31,298
for the snake oil.
Sorry to interrupt,
445
00:16:31,398 --> 00:16:33,660
but, uh,
to protect myself legally
446
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:37,583
I should mention that snake oil
is completely fraudulent
447
00:16:37,683 --> 00:16:40,024
and has no effects
whatsoever.
What?
448
00:16:40,124 --> 00:16:41,506
You kids take care.
449
00:16:41,606 --> 00:16:44,027
No, no, no, no, no, no, no...
450
00:16:44,127 --> 00:16:45,789
You were saying?
451
00:16:45,889 --> 00:16:47,470
So if snake oil is fake then
452
00:16:47,570 --> 00:16:49,732
everything I did last night
was just me?
453
00:16:50,973 --> 00:16:52,354
Yeah.
454
00:16:52,454 --> 00:16:54,094
I'm disgusting.
I'm worse than disgusting.
455
00:16:54,175 --> 00:16:55,676
- I'm a sinner.
- It wasn't great,
456
00:16:55,776 --> 00:16:57,393
- but I wouldn't go that far.
- No, you don't understand.
457
00:16:57,417 --> 00:17:00,560
I've committed a cardinal sin.
I've coveted my...
458
00:17:00,660 --> 00:17:01,660
neighbor's wife.
459
00:17:01,741 --> 00:17:04,323
What, what do you mean,
you covet me?
460
00:17:04,423 --> 00:17:06,724
Like, covet, covet?
461
00:17:06,824 --> 00:17:09,887
Yeah, like covet, covet.
462
00:17:09,987 --> 00:17:12,529
But, you're my best friend.
463
00:17:12,629 --> 00:17:14,210
- I know.
- And I'm married.
464
00:17:14,310 --> 00:17:16,612
I know. Look, Pru,
I'm so sorry.
465
00:17:16,712 --> 00:17:18,693
I tried to bury these feelings
for a long time.
466
00:17:18,793 --> 00:17:21,736
I'm sorry, this is
a lot to take in.
467
00:17:21,836 --> 00:17:23,837
I'm gonna go.
468
00:17:24,477 --> 00:17:25,538
Girl troubles, huh?
469
00:17:25,638 --> 00:17:27,300
You know the best cure for that?
470
00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:29,902
- Snake oil.
- You just told me it was fake.
471
00:17:30,002 --> 00:17:32,143
Shit.
472
00:17:32,243 --> 00:17:36,466
♪♪♪♪♪♪
473
00:17:36,566 --> 00:17:39,269
Well, I guess this is goodbye.
474
00:17:39,369 --> 00:17:41,310
Yeah, you know,
this feels kinda weird.
475
00:17:41,410 --> 00:17:43,027
Guess I thought
we'd be doing this forever.
476
00:17:43,051 --> 00:17:45,673
You're a free man, right?
477
00:17:45,773 --> 00:17:48,075
You finally got away from me,
fair and square.
478
00:17:48,175 --> 00:17:50,117
You take care, Benny the Teen.
479
00:17:50,217 --> 00:17:52,238
You too, nameless
bounty hunter guy.
480
00:17:52,338 --> 00:17:58,883
♪♪♪♪♪♪
481
00:17:58,983 --> 00:18:00,404
Hey.
482
00:18:00,504 --> 00:18:03,126
My fingers are feeling
a little sticky.
483
00:18:03,226 --> 00:18:05,288
I'm thinking I might
steal this horse.
484
00:18:05,388 --> 00:18:07,790
Okay, don't do that.
You know that's a felony.
485
00:18:09,431 --> 00:18:11,733
Oops.
Did I do that?
486
00:18:11,833 --> 00:18:14,655
All right, you'd
better stop that, Benjamin.
487
00:18:14,755 --> 00:18:16,756
Or what?
488
00:18:17,157 --> 00:18:18,778
You gonna shoot me
for being naughty?
489
00:18:18,878 --> 00:18:20,539
[chuckles]
490
00:18:20,639 --> 00:18:22,461
Are we really doing this?
491
00:18:22,561 --> 00:18:25,863
I don't know.
Are we?
492
00:18:25,963 --> 00:18:28,145
All right, dirtbag.
493
00:18:28,245 --> 00:18:30,026
I'm gonna give you
a 60-second head start
494
00:18:30,126 --> 00:18:32,268
before I shoot you full of lead.
495
00:18:32,368 --> 00:18:34,190
The only thing
you'll be shooting
496
00:18:34,290 --> 00:18:35,711
is my dust.
497
00:18:35,811 --> 00:18:37,672
Whoosh! Whoo hoo hoo!
498
00:18:37,772 --> 00:18:40,554
60, 59, 58...
499
00:18:40,654 --> 00:18:42,316
All right, people,
we gotta get a move on!
500
00:18:42,416 --> 00:18:44,437
Got a bounty hunter
hot on my ass!
501
00:18:44,537 --> 00:18:46,639
Ooh. Wild night, huh?
502
00:18:46,739 --> 00:18:48,920
- Don't want to talk about it.
- Fair enough. Hyah!
503
00:18:49,020 --> 00:18:52,563
[Benny humming "She'll Be
Coming Round the Mountain"]
504
00:18:52,663 --> 00:18:54,084
- [Zeke sighs]
- BENNY: What?
505
00:18:54,184 --> 00:18:56,186
You don't feel like singing now?
506
00:18:58,227 --> 00:18:59,729
Five, four, three,
507
00:18:59,829 --> 00:19:02,891
two, one.
Ready or not, here I come!
508
00:19:02,991 --> 00:19:05,413
Oh, shoot! Where's my gun?
509
00:19:05,513 --> 00:19:07,514
Oh, shoot,
I left it at the valet!
510
00:19:08,915 --> 00:19:12,358
Hi! Hi. Um, I'm the cute
silver one in the back.
511
00:19:13,679 --> 00:19:15,500
Um, I don't have my ticket,
512
00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:17,378
but if you give me that gun,
I won't shoot you.
513
00:19:17,402 --> 00:19:19,183
Have a great day!
514
00:19:19,283 --> 00:19:21,885
[yells]
I'm coming for you, Benny!
515
00:19:21,909 --> 00:19:23,909
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