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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:55,347 --> 00:01:00,347 Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull 2 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:31,836 I'm late, I know. 3 00:02:35,673 --> 00:02:36,741 Huh. 4 00:02:36,774 --> 00:02:38,643 Did anyone call? 5 00:02:38,676 --> 00:02:40,011 No. 6 00:02:40,044 --> 00:02:41,579 Kendra didn't call? 7 00:02:41,612 --> 00:02:43,280 No. No one. 8 00:02:46,818 --> 00:02:48,218 That's good. 9 00:02:52,355 --> 00:02:54,625 My son had a game this morning, 10 00:02:54,659 --> 00:02:56,460 and he wanted me to wait for his dad to get there, 11 00:02:56,493 --> 00:03:00,397 and then I got caught in some traffic or an accident... 12 00:03:00,430 --> 00:03:01,799 You got in an accident? 13 00:03:03,801 --> 00:03:08,271 What? No, I got stuck in the traffic of an accident. 14 00:03:11,008 --> 00:03:12,744 What are you doing? 15 00:03:12,777 --> 00:03:13,811 Dishes. 16 00:03:15,079 --> 00:03:19,050 Okay. Well, can you come help me set up? 17 00:03:19,083 --> 00:03:20,484 What do we need to set up? 18 00:03:20,517 --> 00:03:22,452 The room, for the meeting. 19 00:03:24,421 --> 00:03:25,957 Why are you doing dishes? 20 00:03:25,990 --> 00:03:27,859 No one cleaned up from this morning. 21 00:03:29,627 --> 00:03:30,995 Oh, I'm so sorry. 22 00:03:31,028 --> 00:03:33,030 That's very responsible of you to... 23 00:03:33,064 --> 00:03:35,867 Yeah. We got to tell them to clean up after themselves. 24 00:03:35,900 --> 00:03:38,636 I... I definitely did tell them that. 25 00:03:38,669 --> 00:03:40,504 What... Who was it? AA? 26 00:03:40,537 --> 00:03:43,574 No, Al-Anon. AA cleans up after themselves. 27 00:03:45,109 --> 00:03:48,646 Okay. Well, can you, uh... 28 00:03:48,679 --> 00:03:49,747 How about you do that a little bit later 29 00:03:49,781 --> 00:03:51,414 and what... You wanna come help me set up this room? 30 00:03:51,448 --> 00:03:54,417 I wanna set it up before Kendra gets here. 31 00:04:08,966 --> 00:04:10,701 Okay. 32 00:04:10,735 --> 00:04:12,536 Here. Help me pull out this table. 33 00:04:14,437 --> 00:04:16,373 Okay. 34 00:04:16,406 --> 00:04:18,375 Oh, careful. Careful, careful. 35 00:04:24,514 --> 00:04:25,716 Oh, sorry. 36 00:04:30,955 --> 00:04:32,757 Let's see. Center it a little more. 37 00:04:34,592 --> 00:04:35,927 Okay. 38 00:05:07,725 --> 00:05:09,660 Hi. 39 00:05:09,694 --> 00:05:10,962 Hello. Hi. 40 00:05:10,995 --> 00:05:12,163 - Judy? - Yes. 41 00:05:12,196 --> 00:05:13,496 Kendra Carter. Pleasure. 42 00:05:28,813 --> 00:05:30,147 Well, this is very nice. 43 00:05:31,616 --> 00:05:33,851 Thank you so much. We think so too. 44 00:05:35,553 --> 00:05:37,655 Most people just drive north to St. Thomas these days, 45 00:05:37,688 --> 00:05:42,026 but we find plenty to do here. 46 00:05:42,059 --> 00:05:43,828 So where will they be meeting? 47 00:05:43,861 --> 00:05:46,529 Oh. Um, right. I'm sorry. 48 00:05:46,564 --> 00:05:47,497 I'm taking too long. 49 00:05:47,530 --> 00:05:48,498 Sorry. I don't mean to be rude, I just... 50 00:05:48,531 --> 00:05:49,367 No, no, no, you're not being rude. This is... 51 00:05:49,399 --> 00:05:50,067 That's a really wonderful question. 52 00:05:50,101 --> 00:05:52,502 They're in a room downstairs. 53 00:05:52,535 --> 00:05:53,804 Here, follow me. 54 00:05:57,642 --> 00:05:59,176 We usually have meetings down here, 55 00:05:59,210 --> 00:06:00,611 but the reverend thought 56 00:06:00,645 --> 00:06:02,847 they might need a little more privacy, 57 00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:04,782 so we're gonna put them in the back. 58 00:06:04,815 --> 00:06:06,083 Well, if you think it's best. 59 00:06:06,117 --> 00:06:07,752 I do. I do. 60 00:06:07,785 --> 00:06:10,621 I think it's lighter, it has better... 61 00:06:10,655 --> 00:06:11,722 You know, it's nicer. 62 00:06:11,756 --> 00:06:13,523 And Linda approved it? 63 00:06:13,557 --> 00:06:14,959 I've never actually met Linda. 64 00:06:14,992 --> 00:06:16,861 She's not a parishioner here. So... 65 00:06:16,894 --> 00:06:18,696 But she's seen it? 66 00:06:18,729 --> 00:06:21,732 Um, well, she met with the reverend here privately, 67 00:06:21,766 --> 00:06:22,800 uh, several times. 68 00:06:22,833 --> 00:06:24,534 So I'm assuming that she did. 69 00:06:26,237 --> 00:06:28,105 - Uh... - Oh. 70 00:06:28,139 --> 00:06:30,241 Will we hear this music back there? 71 00:06:30,274 --> 00:06:33,644 Oh, shoot. Yeah, that's a problem. 72 00:06:33,678 --> 00:06:35,746 It might be. Can they stop? 73 00:06:35,780 --> 00:06:37,214 Uh, they have lessons today. 74 00:06:37,248 --> 00:06:38,883 Can't we just close the doors? 75 00:06:38,916 --> 00:06:40,251 I don't want it to be a distraction. 76 00:06:40,284 --> 00:06:41,585 You know what? I'm gonna talk to them. 77 00:06:41,619 --> 00:06:42,586 - It'll be fine. - Thank you. 78 00:06:42,620 --> 00:06:44,487 Absolutely. Uh, do you want to see the room? 79 00:06:44,521 --> 00:06:45,823 - Yes, please. - Okay. 80 00:06:54,999 --> 00:06:56,801 What do you think? 81 00:06:57,802 --> 00:06:59,203 It's better back here. 82 00:06:59,236 --> 00:07:01,605 Oh, right. 83 00:07:01,639 --> 00:07:05,242 Sorry. I was told no one would be in the building is all. 84 00:07:05,276 --> 00:07:07,278 Oh, yeah. Um, I'm sorry. 85 00:07:07,311 --> 00:07:09,280 We usually have them practice down here. 86 00:07:09,313 --> 00:07:11,816 But they're... We moved them to the church. 87 00:07:11,849 --> 00:07:14,618 Okay, so will anyone else be in here? 88 00:07:14,652 --> 00:07:16,053 The choir's rehearsing for tomorrow. 89 00:07:16,087 --> 00:07:19,156 Oh, right. I'm so sorry that I moved the chairs. 90 00:07:19,190 --> 00:07:20,758 Oh, no, it's fine. 91 00:07:20,791 --> 00:07:23,526 But they're rehearsing up in the church though? 92 00:07:24,695 --> 00:07:25,896 Yeah. 93 00:07:25,930 --> 00:07:27,164 That should be fine. 94 00:07:28,232 --> 00:07:30,968 Anthony, can you, um, go downstairs 95 00:07:31,002 --> 00:07:32,970 and get the snacks that I brought and bring them up 96 00:07:33,004 --> 00:07:35,172 and set them up on the far table over there? 97 00:07:35,773 --> 00:07:36,807 Thank you. 98 00:07:41,145 --> 00:07:42,780 But the room's okay? 99 00:07:42,813 --> 00:07:44,315 I think so. 100 00:07:44,348 --> 00:07:46,650 Great. 101 00:07:46,684 --> 00:07:50,187 We got some bagels and some water and, um, coffee. 102 00:07:50,221 --> 00:07:51,856 I'm gonna make some great coffee. 103 00:07:51,889 --> 00:07:52,857 That's a nice idea. 104 00:07:52,890 --> 00:07:57,161 Okay. Um, and the... Sorry about the chairs, 105 00:07:57,194 --> 00:07:59,830 - but the table is okay? - The table? 106 00:07:59,864 --> 00:08:01,866 The placement of the table is good for you? 107 00:08:01,899 --> 00:08:03,000 - It's fine. - For the...? 108 00:08:03,034 --> 00:08:06,203 Okay. Great. 109 00:08:06,237 --> 00:08:07,638 That's great. 110 00:08:08,372 --> 00:08:09,974 Placement of the table's great. 111 00:08:10,007 --> 00:08:12,576 Do you have tissues? Like a tissue box? 112 00:08:12,610 --> 00:08:14,111 Yeah, we have some right over here. 113 00:08:14,145 --> 00:08:15,880 That's a really great idea. Of course. 114 00:08:15,913 --> 00:08:19,016 All right. Now we're getting somewhere. Um... 115 00:08:19,050 --> 00:08:21,185 How many people are coming, again? 116 00:08:21,218 --> 00:08:24,088 - Why? - There'll be four of them. 117 00:08:24,121 --> 00:08:26,924 You got, like, a lot of food. 118 00:08:26,957 --> 00:08:29,060 I don't think they'll be eating. 119 00:08:29,093 --> 00:08:31,896 - Oh, I'm sorry. I thought... - What's this? 120 00:08:31,929 --> 00:08:34,932 That's my lunch. You can put that away. Um... 121 00:08:34,965 --> 00:08:37,134 Sorry. I thought that I should have some food. 122 00:08:37,168 --> 00:08:39,170 Yeah, no, no. It's a really nice thought. 123 00:08:39,203 --> 00:08:42,873 I just... I don't think we need to put all of that out. 124 00:08:42,907 --> 00:08:45,142 - It's... We shouldn't. - Right. 125 00:08:45,176 --> 00:08:46,877 Right. Okay. 126 00:08:46,911 --> 00:08:48,646 So how long have you worked with the families? 127 00:08:48,679 --> 00:08:50,214 - Anthony. That... - What? 128 00:08:50,247 --> 00:08:52,016 That's okay. 129 00:08:52,049 --> 00:08:53,818 Just the one family. 130 00:08:53,851 --> 00:08:56,353 But six years now. 131 00:08:56,387 --> 00:08:57,354 - Wow. - Oh, wow. 132 00:08:59,690 --> 00:09:01,992 Were you working with the family before the...? 133 00:09:02,026 --> 00:09:04,695 No, no, no. It's how we met. 134 00:09:04,728 --> 00:09:06,864 - Can we move these? - Yes, absolutely. 135 00:09:06,897 --> 00:09:09,834 - Thank you. - Have they done this before? 136 00:09:09,867 --> 00:09:12,069 Anthony, that's none of our business. 137 00:09:12,103 --> 00:09:14,171 Have you printed out for tomorrow? 138 00:09:14,205 --> 00:09:15,239 - I did. - Okay, 139 00:09:15,272 --> 00:09:16,607 did you fold for tomorrow? 140 00:09:24,715 --> 00:09:26,383 - Sorry about him. - No, he's fine. 141 00:09:26,417 --> 00:09:28,919 We were gonna give him the day off, 142 00:09:28,953 --> 00:09:30,287 but then his family, they really need to keep him busy. 143 00:09:30,321 --> 00:09:31,789 You don't need to explain. 144 00:09:31,822 --> 00:09:33,390 Okay, that's good of you. 145 00:09:33,424 --> 00:09:36,427 I mean, he's really sweet, most of the time. 146 00:09:36,460 --> 00:09:40,131 But he's not your typical, uh, church employee. 147 00:09:40,164 --> 00:09:42,867 But then again, we are Episcopalian. 148 00:09:42,900 --> 00:09:45,002 Sorry, that's just a little Christian humor. 149 00:09:45,035 --> 00:09:46,737 Oh, no, don't put it in the center. 150 00:09:46,770 --> 00:09:48,973 - Oh. - It looks freaky. 151 00:09:49,006 --> 00:09:51,275 Uh, put it to the side or maybe back over there, 152 00:09:51,308 --> 00:09:52,877 so they see it, but you know... 153 00:09:55,045 --> 00:09:56,881 Right. I'm sorry. Of course. 154 00:09:59,250 --> 00:10:02,820 So where...? Are you gonna be doing all of this 155 00:10:02,853 --> 00:10:03,921 in here with them or...? 156 00:10:03,954 --> 00:10:08,225 No, they've, uh, they've agreed to be alone. 157 00:10:08,259 --> 00:10:11,095 Well, um, you can come hang with us. 158 00:10:11,128 --> 00:10:13,797 We're, um... We have a lot of room 159 00:10:13,831 --> 00:10:16,767 and we have great Wi-Fi. 160 00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:18,202 Um, I have a few calls I need to make 161 00:10:18,235 --> 00:10:20,004 so I'll probably just work from the car. 162 00:10:20,037 --> 00:10:23,107 Oh, no, that's sad. You should stay with us. 163 00:10:23,140 --> 00:10:24,475 You can have the reverend's whole office. 164 00:10:24,508 --> 00:10:26,911 Oh, okay, we'll figure it out. 165 00:10:26,944 --> 00:10:28,012 - Okay. - Um... 166 00:10:28,512 --> 00:10:30,915 What are these? 167 00:10:30,948 --> 00:10:33,817 Oh, yeah. Aren't those really neat? 168 00:10:33,851 --> 00:10:36,153 That was a school project. It's supposed to be 169 00:10:36,187 --> 00:10:37,988 stained glass. 170 00:10:41,892 --> 00:10:43,227 Is there something wrong? 171 00:10:47,064 --> 00:10:48,132 Oh. 172 00:10:50,267 --> 00:10:51,268 Right. 173 00:10:52,169 --> 00:10:53,837 It's fine. You know what? 174 00:10:53,871 --> 00:10:56,373 I'm... I'm gonna step out and make a call. Okay? 175 00:10:56,407 --> 00:10:57,741 - Sure, yes. - Thanks. 176 00:10:57,775 --> 00:10:59,376 Yes, please. Take your time. 177 00:11:21,365 --> 00:11:24,868 Okay, that's it. Here we are. 178 00:11:24,902 --> 00:11:26,470 I know. Keep driving. 179 00:11:26,503 --> 00:11:28,172 What? 180 00:11:28,205 --> 00:11:30,207 Just... I'm not... Not now. 181 00:11:30,241 --> 00:11:31,375 I'm not ready yet. Just keep driving. 182 00:11:31,408 --> 00:11:32,443 I don't know where we are. 183 00:11:32,476 --> 00:11:34,912 Anywhere. Just go. Just drive. 184 00:11:34,945 --> 00:11:37,248 Pull up around the corner there, over there somewhere. 185 00:11:37,281 --> 00:11:39,383 - Just go! - Okay. Okay. 186 00:11:42,987 --> 00:11:47,524 Hi, Linda. No problem. I'm here. Take your time. 187 00:11:47,559 --> 00:11:48,993 Have you spoken with Richard? 188 00:12:14,485 --> 00:12:16,287 What the hell are we doing here? 189 00:12:18,956 --> 00:12:20,958 Are you gonna be all right? 190 00:12:22,259 --> 00:12:23,527 Honey? 191 00:12:23,561 --> 00:12:24,895 I don't know. 192 00:12:27,264 --> 00:12:30,301 - Okay. - No, I don't know if I can... 193 00:12:32,069 --> 00:12:34,471 I don't know if I can do it. 194 00:12:37,908 --> 00:12:39,076 Well, we don't have to. 195 00:12:40,511 --> 00:12:42,946 We could just turn around and leave. 196 00:12:44,281 --> 00:12:46,517 If that's what you want. 197 00:12:46,550 --> 00:12:48,385 No. 198 00:12:48,419 --> 00:12:51,288 I mean, I don't think I can say it. 199 00:12:55,492 --> 00:12:56,527 Okay. 200 00:12:56,561 --> 00:13:00,297 Well, you know, you don't have to. 201 00:13:00,331 --> 00:13:01,365 We could just go there 202 00:13:01,398 --> 00:13:04,034 and listen to what they have to say. 203 00:13:04,068 --> 00:13:06,370 You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. 204 00:13:07,504 --> 00:13:08,573 All right? 205 00:13:08,606 --> 00:13:10,441 If I don't, would you? 206 00:13:14,178 --> 00:13:15,212 I'm sorry. That's not fair. 207 00:13:15,245 --> 00:13:18,282 No, it's... You know, it's not... 208 00:13:31,462 --> 00:13:33,197 I wouldn't, but... 209 00:14:05,563 --> 00:14:07,599 Come on. Are you ready to go back? 210 00:14:10,267 --> 00:14:11,870 Okay. 211 00:14:13,303 --> 00:14:14,304 All right. 212 00:14:58,015 --> 00:15:00,350 Absolutely. We can discuss that 213 00:15:00,384 --> 00:15:02,186 when I get back day after tomorrow. 214 00:15:20,370 --> 00:15:21,538 Oh, dear. 215 00:15:39,289 --> 00:15:40,357 Mr. and Mrs. Perry? 216 00:15:40,390 --> 00:15:42,125 Jay, please. Kendra? 217 00:15:42,159 --> 00:15:43,160 Yes. 218 00:15:57,274 --> 00:15:58,275 Gail? 219 00:16:09,353 --> 00:16:10,688 Hi. 220 00:16:10,722 --> 00:16:12,322 - Hi. Jay Perry. - Oh, hi. 221 00:16:12,356 --> 00:16:13,490 - This is my wife, Gail. - My name is Judy. 222 00:16:13,524 --> 00:16:14,559 - Hello. - Hi, Judy. 223 00:16:14,592 --> 00:16:15,627 - Hi. - I'm Jay. 224 00:16:15,660 --> 00:16:16,527 Hi. Thank you so much for coming. 225 00:16:16,561 --> 00:16:18,730 Thank you for, uh, providing the space. 226 00:16:18,763 --> 00:16:21,465 Oh, absolutely. We're so happy we could help. 227 00:16:21,498 --> 00:16:22,834 Well, we have you all set up right back here. 228 00:16:22,867 --> 00:16:24,101 Oh, yeah. We have some food... 229 00:16:24,134 --> 00:16:25,335 Great. 230 00:16:25,369 --> 00:16:26,804 ...and some coffee, and some water. Do y'all want anything? 231 00:16:26,838 --> 00:16:29,039 I think we're good for now. Right? 232 00:16:30,140 --> 00:16:31,809 I'm fine. 233 00:16:31,843 --> 00:16:33,310 - Thank you, Judy. - Yeah, thank you. 234 00:16:33,343 --> 00:16:35,145 Should... Do you want me to show you the space? 235 00:16:35,178 --> 00:16:36,380 No, I'll show them. Thank you. 236 00:16:36,413 --> 00:16:38,315 Okay, great. It's so lovely to meet both of you, so much. 237 00:16:38,348 --> 00:16:40,117 - Thank you. - You can follow me. 238 00:16:42,854 --> 00:16:44,054 Right here. 239 00:16:50,562 --> 00:16:51,763 Is the room okay for you? 240 00:16:56,366 --> 00:16:57,534 Uh... 241 00:16:58,468 --> 00:17:00,504 Table, chairs, 242 00:17:00,537 --> 00:17:02,205 Jesus watching us. 243 00:17:02,674 --> 00:17:03,708 It's great. 244 00:17:03,741 --> 00:17:05,577 Okay. Well, I know 245 00:17:05,610 --> 00:17:07,712 we've gotten your signatures on everything, 246 00:17:07,745 --> 00:17:09,146 and you're all squared away 247 00:17:09,179 --> 00:17:10,848 as far as our offices are concerned. 248 00:17:10,882 --> 00:17:13,417 But... while it's just the three of us, 249 00:17:13,450 --> 00:17:15,218 is there anything you want to ask me? 250 00:17:16,754 --> 00:17:17,789 I think we're okay. 251 00:17:17,822 --> 00:17:19,523 Will they be here soon? 252 00:17:19,557 --> 00:17:20,592 I just spoke with them. 253 00:17:20,625 --> 00:17:21,759 They should be here any minute. 254 00:17:21,793 --> 00:17:22,627 - Oh. - Would you be okay 255 00:17:22,660 --> 00:17:24,161 if I left you alone for just a bit? 256 00:17:24,194 --> 00:17:25,295 Absolutely. Sure. 257 00:17:25,329 --> 00:17:26,564 I'll be right back. 258 00:17:46,918 --> 00:17:49,286 Hi. No, I'm outside. 259 00:17:50,588 --> 00:17:52,522 Oh, I... I see you. 260 00:18:07,270 --> 00:18:08,505 We're right in here. 261 00:18:11,541 --> 00:18:13,377 - Hello. - Hi. 262 00:18:13,410 --> 00:18:17,915 Richard, Linda, this is Jay and Gail Perry. 263 00:18:17,949 --> 00:18:20,885 We've met, actually. It was a long time ago. 264 00:18:22,954 --> 00:18:24,454 How are you? 265 00:18:25,422 --> 00:18:28,158 Yeah, we're fine. Thanks. 266 00:18:31,328 --> 00:18:33,330 Have you been waiting long? 267 00:18:33,363 --> 00:18:35,967 No, we just got here. We haven't even sat down. 268 00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:37,769 How's the room? Okay? 269 00:18:37,802 --> 00:18:39,837 - It's fine. - I thought so. 270 00:18:41,538 --> 00:18:42,539 Gail? 271 00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:44,441 I'm fine. 272 00:18:45,375 --> 00:18:46,611 Okay, good. 273 00:18:48,311 --> 00:18:50,480 I brought these for you. 274 00:18:50,514 --> 00:18:52,516 Oh. Oh. 275 00:18:52,549 --> 00:18:54,317 - I'm sorry. - No, they're... 276 00:18:54,351 --> 00:18:55,385 Small. 277 00:18:55,419 --> 00:18:57,354 No, they're very nice. Thank you. 278 00:19:01,793 --> 00:19:03,193 Should we sit? 279 00:19:04,361 --> 00:19:06,263 Yeah, let's take a seat. 280 00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:16,841 Take your coat? 281 00:19:25,917 --> 00:19:27,819 Well, we've... we've spoken. 282 00:19:27,852 --> 00:19:29,519 Yeah, we're all sorted. 283 00:19:29,554 --> 00:19:30,922 We are. Yes. 284 00:19:30,955 --> 00:19:35,993 Well, I'm grateful to see you all together finally. 285 00:19:36,027 --> 00:19:37,461 May I say that? 286 00:19:37,494 --> 00:19:39,864 And I'm hopeful that we all think 287 00:19:39,897 --> 00:19:41,264 that this was a good thing to do 288 00:19:41,298 --> 00:19:43,333 by the time we leave here today. 289 00:19:43,366 --> 00:19:44,401 Is that okay? 290 00:19:44,434 --> 00:19:45,535 - Yes. - Thanks, Kendra. 291 00:19:45,570 --> 00:19:48,873 All right, well, I'm going to leave you alone. 292 00:19:48,906 --> 00:19:50,373 Let me know if you need anything. 293 00:19:51,042 --> 00:19:52,442 Nice to meet you both. 294 00:19:52,476 --> 00:19:53,745 - You too. - Mmm-hmm. 295 00:20:10,895 --> 00:20:12,997 You wanna maybe just... 296 00:20:18,069 --> 00:20:19,670 These are nice. 297 00:20:19,704 --> 00:20:20,972 Thank you. 298 00:20:21,005 --> 00:20:22,807 I wanted to bring something. 299 00:20:24,108 --> 00:20:26,844 Uh, I tried to pick what's available 300 00:20:26,878 --> 00:20:29,513 or seasonal, which isn't much. 301 00:20:29,546 --> 00:20:33,383 - You made this? - Yeah. Sort of a new hobby. 302 00:20:33,416 --> 00:20:34,417 Oh. 303 00:20:36,353 --> 00:20:37,789 Thank you. 304 00:20:37,822 --> 00:20:38,823 Sure. 305 00:20:42,059 --> 00:20:44,662 I'm sorry. Just... I don't want to be rude. 306 00:20:44,695 --> 00:20:46,864 But could we just, like, while we're talking, 307 00:20:46,898 --> 00:20:48,866 - just put these somewhere? - Of course. 308 00:20:48,900 --> 00:20:49,934 - No, no, no, I'll take it. - Okay. 309 00:20:49,967 --> 00:20:51,334 - I'm so sorry. - No. 310 00:21:03,014 --> 00:21:05,650 - Thank you. - Oh, sure. 311 00:21:06,984 --> 00:21:08,753 You know that... Okay. 312 00:21:09,854 --> 00:21:11,521 How was your trip down here? 313 00:21:11,556 --> 00:21:14,424 Drive. We drove. Yeah. It was fine. 314 00:21:14,457 --> 00:21:15,660 Did you drive or...? 315 00:21:15,693 --> 00:21:19,897 I flew in last night. I'm leaving this afternoon. 316 00:21:19,931 --> 00:21:22,066 Oh, okay. Right. 317 00:21:23,500 --> 00:21:25,870 Will you be driving back tonight or...? 318 00:21:25,903 --> 00:21:28,706 We have a room, hotel arranged, 319 00:21:28,739 --> 00:21:30,141 but we may not want to stay over. 320 00:21:30,174 --> 00:21:32,409 - Head back? - Right. 321 00:21:34,879 --> 00:21:40,350 So, um, look, thank you for agreeing to meet us 322 00:21:40,852 --> 00:21:42,854 and together. 323 00:21:42,887 --> 00:21:45,056 Oh, you're welcome. 324 00:21:45,089 --> 00:21:49,392 I appreciate you, all of you, making the journey. 325 00:21:49,426 --> 00:21:50,928 I know I'm not easy to get to. 326 00:21:50,962 --> 00:21:52,429 We're happy to come to you, Linda. 327 00:21:52,462 --> 00:21:56,033 I mean, yes, and I, uh... 328 00:21:58,836 --> 00:22:01,072 We want to start by saying that 329 00:22:01,105 --> 00:22:05,508 we, uh, regret some of the things that we said. 330 00:22:05,542 --> 00:22:07,745 Oh, don't, don't be regretful. 331 00:22:07,778 --> 00:22:10,948 We wish we didn't have to rely so much on our attorneys. 332 00:22:10,982 --> 00:22:14,051 But, uh, now it's really just to protect our son. 333 00:22:16,519 --> 00:22:17,722 - Steven. - Mmm. 334 00:22:18,756 --> 00:22:20,725 Yeah. How's he doing? 335 00:22:20,758 --> 00:22:22,593 He's doing very well. Thank you for asking. 336 00:22:22,627 --> 00:22:24,896 They're in Baltimore now, not far from me. 337 00:22:24,929 --> 00:22:26,030 They have a little boy on the way. 338 00:22:26,063 --> 00:22:27,865 That's great. 339 00:22:27,899 --> 00:22:29,800 Thank you. And how is Sophie? 340 00:22:29,834 --> 00:22:32,103 - How's your daughter? - She's, uh... 341 00:22:32,136 --> 00:22:34,537 - She's doing fine. - She's much better. 342 00:22:34,572 --> 00:22:37,708 She's made a lot of progress the last year. 343 00:22:37,742 --> 00:22:39,509 She's looking at, uh, 344 00:22:39,542 --> 00:22:41,478 applying to schools now, college, for the fall. 345 00:22:41,511 --> 00:22:42,545 Oh, that's wonderful. 346 00:22:42,580 --> 00:22:43,648 - That's great. - Thanks. 347 00:22:43,681 --> 00:22:44,882 That's great. That's great. 348 00:22:44,916 --> 00:22:45,917 - Yeah. - Yeah. 349 00:22:53,157 --> 00:22:54,759 Um... 350 00:23:01,599 --> 00:23:04,135 Did you guys bring photos or...? 351 00:23:04,168 --> 00:23:06,637 Yes, yes. I... 352 00:23:06,671 --> 00:23:08,105 There was some talk of maybe, uh... 353 00:23:09,707 --> 00:23:12,143 it would be good to share them. I don't know. 354 00:23:12,176 --> 00:23:13,077 Gail, do you wanna...? 355 00:23:13,110 --> 00:23:16,914 And I also brought other things to share. 356 00:23:16,948 --> 00:23:19,016 Yep. Kendra said you might do that. Sure. 357 00:23:19,050 --> 00:23:20,851 Okay, good. 358 00:23:20,885 --> 00:23:22,954 I don't know if this is a good time for... 359 00:23:22,987 --> 00:23:24,021 Do you wanna wait till they go? 360 00:23:24,055 --> 00:23:25,122 No. I'm okay. 361 00:23:25,156 --> 00:23:26,190 No? Okay, so maybe we should just... 362 00:23:26,223 --> 00:23:27,925 No. We agreed, so... here. 363 00:23:34,899 --> 00:23:36,233 Here. This is Sophie. 364 00:23:36,267 --> 00:23:38,703 - Oh. - Oh. 365 00:23:38,736 --> 00:23:40,503 - Oh, she's beautiful. - Oh, she's a young lady now. 366 00:23:40,537 --> 00:23:42,606 Yeah. She's grown up a lot. 367 00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:43,708 Oh, oh. 368 00:23:43,741 --> 00:23:44,875 Yeah. 369 00:23:44,909 --> 00:23:48,179 - Oh. - And this is, uh... 370 00:23:54,251 --> 00:23:55,753 I'd like to see them. 371 00:23:57,621 --> 00:23:58,622 Okay. 372 00:24:00,858 --> 00:24:02,860 This is Evan when he was three. 373 00:24:04,895 --> 00:24:08,065 - Oh, my goodness. - What's he got there? 374 00:24:08,099 --> 00:24:09,700 - He's so sweet. - It's, uh... 375 00:24:09,734 --> 00:24:11,635 It's one of those, uh, roller thing... 376 00:24:11,669 --> 00:24:13,204 Push that thing everywhere 377 00:24:13,237 --> 00:24:14,805 and balls would bounce, would pop. 378 00:24:14,839 --> 00:24:15,673 They'd pop out of it, yeah. Yeah. 379 00:24:15,706 --> 00:24:16,941 Oh, right, I remember those. 380 00:24:16,974 --> 00:24:18,876 Yeah, yeah. 381 00:24:18,909 --> 00:24:21,879 Do you have the... his catcher picture? 382 00:24:21,912 --> 00:24:22,980 Bring the catcher picture? 383 00:24:23,014 --> 00:24:24,048 Yeah, we have it. We brought it. 384 00:24:24,081 --> 00:24:25,515 Okay. You wanna...? 385 00:24:27,118 --> 00:24:28,953 Oh. Here it is. 386 00:24:28,986 --> 00:24:31,889 I think he was about 12. Little League. 387 00:24:31,922 --> 00:24:32,957 Oh. 388 00:24:32,990 --> 00:24:34,125 He was a good athlete, wasn't he? 389 00:24:34,158 --> 00:24:35,292 Yeah, he was really good at sports. 390 00:24:35,326 --> 00:24:36,560 Look at him. 391 00:24:36,594 --> 00:24:37,661 I mean, he liked a lot of things. 392 00:24:37,695 --> 00:24:39,196 He was, you know... 393 00:24:39,230 --> 00:24:42,800 Sung in a band, Model UN, a lot of stuff. 394 00:24:42,833 --> 00:24:45,136 But, yeah, he was a very good athlete. 395 00:24:45,169 --> 00:24:46,237 Oh. 396 00:24:46,270 --> 00:24:49,740 The... It's a funny thing, but the catcher outfit... 397 00:24:49,774 --> 00:24:50,808 He didn't want to play catcher. 398 00:24:50,841 --> 00:24:52,643 He just liked the gear. 399 00:24:52,676 --> 00:24:54,745 Oh, he liked the gear. 400 00:24:54,779 --> 00:24:55,813 - Yeah. - Oh. 401 00:24:59,884 --> 00:25:03,788 So, um, do we have one of all of us, or...? 402 00:25:03,821 --> 00:25:05,856 Of course. Lots. 403 00:25:05,890 --> 00:25:07,825 We had to print a lot of photos out. 404 00:25:07,858 --> 00:25:08,893 Nobody has photographs anymore. 405 00:25:08,926 --> 00:25:09,994 - Right? - Yeah. 406 00:25:10,027 --> 00:25:11,729 It's nice to hold something. Not just, you know... 407 00:25:11,762 --> 00:25:13,197 - It is. - This is us. 408 00:25:15,099 --> 00:25:16,934 - That's... - That's the last Christmas. 409 00:25:21,839 --> 00:25:27,711 Yeah, we were always... We made them all dress up. 410 00:25:27,745 --> 00:25:30,247 "Cheesy," we're saying there. We're not saying cheese. 411 00:25:30,281 --> 00:25:31,582 Our family never did. 412 00:25:33,184 --> 00:25:37,721 They thought we were so stupid because... Ridiculous. 413 00:25:45,062 --> 00:25:46,163 I'm sorry. 414 00:25:46,197 --> 00:25:48,065 - It's okay. - Yeah. 415 00:25:48,099 --> 00:25:50,234 - No, I'm sorry. - Here. 416 00:25:50,267 --> 00:25:51,368 No, don't be, Linda. 417 00:25:51,402 --> 00:25:53,037 No, no, maybe we should... 418 00:25:53,070 --> 00:25:56,373 - Okay. - I wanted to share too. 419 00:25:56,407 --> 00:25:59,743 No, I wanted to share ours too, but... 420 00:26:03,380 --> 00:26:04,381 It's hard. 421 00:26:06,016 --> 00:26:07,017 It is. 422 00:26:16,727 --> 00:26:17,728 Honey? 423 00:26:29,974 --> 00:26:31,008 Thank you. 424 00:26:39,783 --> 00:26:40,918 I'm sorry. 425 00:26:41,919 --> 00:26:42,720 I... 426 00:26:45,789 --> 00:26:51,362 If I could just show you something? 427 00:26:51,395 --> 00:26:52,963 No, we don't have to. 428 00:26:52,997 --> 00:26:55,132 - No? - No, no, no, no. 429 00:26:55,166 --> 00:26:56,700 Maybe it wasn't a good idea. 430 00:26:58,169 --> 00:26:59,336 No, I want to. 431 00:27:02,273 --> 00:27:04,375 I brought something. 432 00:27:04,408 --> 00:27:07,978 Uh, it's easier. It's not photos. 433 00:27:08,012 --> 00:27:10,181 But is that okay, Gail? 434 00:27:11,982 --> 00:27:13,083 Sure. 435 00:27:13,918 --> 00:27:15,085 Okay. Right. 436 00:27:16,086 --> 00:27:18,455 So, this is... 437 00:27:18,489 --> 00:27:19,823 Oh, wow. 438 00:27:19,857 --> 00:27:20,891 Yeah. 439 00:27:22,426 --> 00:27:26,997 He used to carry this all the time. 440 00:27:27,031 --> 00:27:28,832 When? Fourth and fifth grade, right? 441 00:27:28,866 --> 00:27:29,934 No, younger than that. 442 00:27:29,967 --> 00:27:31,268 What am I looking at? 443 00:27:31,302 --> 00:27:35,072 Well, he used to love to collect snails. 444 00:27:35,105 --> 00:27:38,008 He was just fascinated by snails. 445 00:27:38,042 --> 00:27:40,377 And he would collect them in this jar. 446 00:27:43,347 --> 00:27:47,818 And he would carry them around with him wherever he went. 447 00:27:47,851 --> 00:27:50,854 But, um, kids... thought it was weird. 448 00:27:50,888 --> 00:27:52,223 It was, a little. 449 00:27:53,190 --> 00:27:55,426 He just loved them. 450 00:27:55,459 --> 00:27:58,829 But there were problems with keeping them this way. 451 00:27:58,862 --> 00:28:01,498 He would just get so upset, you know. 452 00:28:01,532 --> 00:28:06,470 And when snails break, it's... No. 453 00:28:06,503 --> 00:28:09,907 So one day, he showed up with this. 454 00:28:10,841 --> 00:28:13,077 Paper snails. See? 455 00:28:13,110 --> 00:28:16,113 - Yeah. - There's leaves and a flower. 456 00:28:16,146 --> 00:28:17,982 And I think this is a rock. 457 00:28:18,015 --> 00:28:20,050 Uh-huh. 458 00:28:20,084 --> 00:28:23,053 - It's a garden for the snails. - Right. 459 00:28:23,087 --> 00:28:27,258 And he said, "This way, they won't die." 460 00:28:28,125 --> 00:28:31,528 I think it's so, so clever. 461 00:28:31,563 --> 00:28:32,930 Yeah, that is. 462 00:28:34,064 --> 00:28:37,067 I thought it... I thought it was. 463 00:28:37,101 --> 00:28:41,538 And then when I had my concerns... 464 00:28:41,573 --> 00:28:42,906 You did? 465 00:28:44,041 --> 00:28:45,242 Oh, not... 466 00:28:46,176 --> 00:28:47,911 About his sensitivity. 467 00:28:47,945 --> 00:28:49,346 Yeah. 468 00:28:49,380 --> 00:28:52,549 Although, really, I was happy for him to... 469 00:28:52,584 --> 00:28:53,517 Find a solution. 470 00:28:53,550 --> 00:28:58,122 He was always determined to find a solution. 471 00:29:01,492 --> 00:29:07,097 Yeah. I was happy that he was. 472 00:29:13,971 --> 00:29:15,339 Well, thank you. 473 00:29:16,574 --> 00:29:17,875 Thank you 474 00:29:17,908 --> 00:29:20,110 - for sharing that, Linda. - Yeah. 475 00:29:20,144 --> 00:29:23,447 I just wanted to, um, show you something. 476 00:29:23,480 --> 00:29:24,815 Mmm-hmm. - The... 477 00:29:34,626 --> 00:29:37,061 So, your daughter. She's doing well? 478 00:29:37,094 --> 00:29:38,596 - Yeah. - She's doing well, yes. 479 00:29:38,630 --> 00:29:41,365 Yeah, she's gonna be fine. Yeah. 480 00:29:41,398 --> 00:29:45,035 She's a lot more sociable than she was. 481 00:29:45,069 --> 00:29:46,970 Or she's, um... Actually, we miss her. 482 00:29:47,004 --> 00:29:48,305 Now, she's out too much. 483 00:29:48,339 --> 00:29:49,607 She's dating. 484 00:29:49,641 --> 00:29:51,108 I don't know if she's actually... 485 00:29:51,141 --> 00:29:52,610 She's dating. 486 00:29:52,644 --> 00:29:57,147 Oh. Well, there you go. So she's, uh... 487 00:29:57,181 --> 00:29:58,082 Yeah. 488 00:29:58,115 --> 00:30:00,050 She's starting to be a lot more herself. 489 00:30:00,084 --> 00:30:01,919 Oh. That's wonderful. 490 00:30:01,952 --> 00:30:04,421 Yeah. She's made a lot of progress. 491 00:30:04,455 --> 00:30:06,558 Oh. That's wonderful. 492 00:30:06,591 --> 00:30:08,459 You mentioned to Linda 493 00:30:08,492 --> 00:30:11,596 that you've made some progress yourself, um, 494 00:30:11,629 --> 00:30:13,097 in your letters. 495 00:30:13,130 --> 00:30:14,164 A therapist? 496 00:30:14,198 --> 00:30:16,601 Oh, I'm sorry, I did share that. 497 00:30:16,634 --> 00:30:18,168 I did share it with him. 498 00:30:18,202 --> 00:30:20,104 She just mentioned. 499 00:30:20,137 --> 00:30:24,241 Um, you mentioned that you found someone who's been... 500 00:30:24,274 --> 00:30:27,077 Yes, she's been very helpful. That's right. 501 00:30:27,111 --> 00:30:27,945 That's good. 502 00:30:27,978 --> 00:30:31,649 Yeah, that's... She's... She was... 503 00:30:31,683 --> 00:30:34,351 Well, she is a big reason why we're here. 504 00:30:35,419 --> 00:30:37,622 Okay, so you both see her. 505 00:30:37,655 --> 00:30:39,089 Well, um... 506 00:30:40,090 --> 00:30:41,925 - We do. - Yeah. 507 00:30:41,959 --> 00:30:43,595 Yeah. Yeah. 508 00:30:43,628 --> 00:30:50,067 And she has encouraged us to express ourselves today, 509 00:30:50,100 --> 00:30:54,004 but not to interrogate, that's important, 510 00:30:54,037 --> 00:30:57,709 to be curious, and not defensive... 511 00:30:57,742 --> 00:30:59,076 Not vindictive. 512 00:31:00,377 --> 00:31:02,980 - She said "vindictive." - Not defensive? 513 00:31:03,013 --> 00:31:05,015 No, if we are vindictive. 514 00:31:05,048 --> 00:31:06,550 All right. Sorry. 515 00:31:08,118 --> 00:31:09,520 It doesn't matter. 516 00:31:09,554 --> 00:31:13,591 The point is that we're not here to attack you, 517 00:31:14,324 --> 00:31:15,560 and we've promised that. 518 00:31:15,593 --> 00:31:19,564 But we've felt everything that we've said. 519 00:31:19,597 --> 00:31:22,065 Right? We're not... 520 00:31:22,099 --> 00:31:25,335 We're not going to apologize for our feelings. 521 00:31:25,369 --> 00:31:26,638 Thank you for your honesty. 522 00:31:26,671 --> 00:31:29,139 We want to listen, 523 00:31:30,274 --> 00:31:31,576 and we want to heal. 524 00:31:31,609 --> 00:31:32,610 Of course. 525 00:31:33,645 --> 00:31:35,512 You know, your letters 526 00:31:36,547 --> 00:31:38,982 meant so much to me. 527 00:31:39,016 --> 00:31:42,152 Even the hard ones, I really... 528 00:31:42,186 --> 00:31:44,421 I really appreciate them. 529 00:31:52,396 --> 00:31:56,701 We can tell that you've done a lot of work, continue to, 530 00:31:56,734 --> 00:32:01,773 and I don't just mean what you've done publicly. 531 00:32:01,806 --> 00:32:05,175 But it is admirable how you put yourselves out there. 532 00:32:05,209 --> 00:32:06,644 Uh, we actually, Linda and I, 533 00:32:06,678 --> 00:32:08,713 have, um, followed your work for years. 534 00:32:08,746 --> 00:32:10,447 - Right. - Well, everyone's... 535 00:32:10,481 --> 00:32:13,116 - Yeah, everyone's, but... - Well, thank you. 536 00:32:13,150 --> 00:32:17,555 But I... I don't get any pleasure from it, you know. 537 00:32:17,589 --> 00:32:20,224 It can be defeating, that kind of activism. 538 00:32:20,257 --> 00:32:22,426 Yes, it can, but I don't like that word. 539 00:32:22,459 --> 00:32:24,361 I'm not... 540 00:32:24,394 --> 00:32:28,232 I wouldn't know what else to do with myself. 541 00:32:28,265 --> 00:32:29,801 Your persistence is admirable. 542 00:32:29,834 --> 00:32:32,436 Well, thank you. 543 00:32:32,469 --> 00:32:36,574 But we're really not here today to talk about that. 544 00:32:36,608 --> 00:32:38,141 Oh, I don't think it's not relevant. 545 00:32:38,175 --> 00:32:40,410 You don't believe, as a country, 546 00:32:40,444 --> 00:32:43,080 we are meeting our obligations. 547 00:32:43,113 --> 00:32:45,617 Well, I didn't... That... I was quoting President Obama. 548 00:32:45,650 --> 00:32:48,051 No, I don't. I think we're killing each other. 549 00:32:48,085 --> 00:32:49,654 - We are. - I don't disagree. 550 00:32:49,687 --> 00:32:51,623 But there are just so many factors that... 551 00:32:51,656 --> 00:32:55,092 You know, it's not about one thing or the other. It... 552 00:32:56,694 --> 00:32:58,095 Yeah. Sorry. 553 00:32:58,128 --> 00:33:00,531 No. Go ahead. 554 00:33:00,565 --> 00:33:03,433 It's just, I promised I wouldn't talk about it today. 555 00:33:03,467 --> 00:33:05,435 - We don't have to. - No. 556 00:33:07,538 --> 00:33:09,439 It's just... Can I just say that 557 00:33:09,473 --> 00:33:12,309 it's not whether it's one thing or the other. 558 00:33:12,342 --> 00:33:13,510 That's the fallacy. 559 00:33:13,544 --> 00:33:17,548 That's their whole distraction, or defense. 560 00:33:17,582 --> 00:33:18,850 You know, "Don't look over here by guns. 561 00:33:18,883 --> 00:33:20,752 "Look over there by mental health," 562 00:33:20,785 --> 00:33:23,320 as if, you know, it's not possible to address both. 563 00:33:23,353 --> 00:33:24,488 It's insulting. 564 00:33:24,521 --> 00:33:27,659 Yes, we can. But if your child wanted to hurt himself, 565 00:33:28,492 --> 00:33:29,326 would you only remove 566 00:33:29,359 --> 00:33:30,828 the dangerous items from the house? 567 00:33:30,862 --> 00:33:33,831 No. You'd want to help him. 568 00:33:33,865 --> 00:33:35,567 You'd want to find out what was wrong 569 00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:36,433 and you'd want to change that. 570 00:33:36,466 --> 00:33:38,603 Hey, why are we talking about this? 571 00:33:39,737 --> 00:33:41,204 What? 572 00:33:41,238 --> 00:33:42,506 Why are we talking about this? 573 00:33:42,539 --> 00:33:45,275 I didn't come here to listen to this. 574 00:33:45,309 --> 00:33:48,378 Yeah, okay. I'm sorry. 575 00:33:50,848 --> 00:33:53,183 - I didn't mean to offend. - Oh. 576 00:33:53,216 --> 00:33:56,854 I just think that we find, 577 00:33:56,888 --> 00:33:59,757 through blame, our means to change, 578 00:33:59,791 --> 00:34:02,426 and I want to question that. 579 00:34:02,459 --> 00:34:05,529 I want to look at everything because I blame myself, 580 00:34:06,263 --> 00:34:07,832 and I can't change that. 581 00:34:07,865 --> 00:34:09,901 What do you mean? 582 00:34:09,934 --> 00:34:11,002 - I can't... - When you say that, 583 00:34:11,035 --> 00:34:14,237 what do you... What do you mean when you say that? 584 00:34:17,307 --> 00:34:19,109 I can't change what I've done. 585 00:34:20,210 --> 00:34:21,713 You... So you blame yourself? 586 00:34:26,450 --> 00:34:27,819 I'm asking... 587 00:34:27,852 --> 00:34:29,519 - Do you blame yourself? - Hey. 588 00:34:31,221 --> 00:34:32,155 No, I want to know. 589 00:34:32,189 --> 00:34:34,726 I didn't come here to talk fucking politics. 590 00:34:34,759 --> 00:34:36,426 I wanna know. 591 00:34:36,460 --> 00:34:38,495 We don't wanna interrogate. 592 00:34:38,528 --> 00:34:41,498 I can imagine how hard it is to live with his actions. 593 00:34:41,531 --> 00:34:43,300 - It is. - But our loss... 594 00:34:46,704 --> 00:34:49,172 Please just tell me what you mean by that. 595 00:34:50,675 --> 00:34:55,445 When you talk about blame on your part, 596 00:34:55,479 --> 00:34:57,447 I want to know what you're referring to. 597 00:34:57,481 --> 00:35:00,250 There is nothing that wasn't covered in the depositions. 598 00:35:00,283 --> 00:35:02,654 But I want to hear it now. 599 00:35:03,755 --> 00:35:05,389 We never filed against you. 600 00:35:05,422 --> 00:35:07,257 We never took part in any of that. 601 00:35:07,290 --> 00:35:09,560 Maybe a better way than interrogating 602 00:35:09,594 --> 00:35:12,864 - is to learn what we remember. - Fine. Fine. 603 00:35:12,897 --> 00:35:16,500 So... tell me what you remember. 604 00:35:17,902 --> 00:35:19,503 Tell me about your son. 605 00:35:22,874 --> 00:35:23,808 What would you like to know? 606 00:35:23,841 --> 00:35:25,208 Everything, I want to know everything. 607 00:35:25,242 --> 00:35:26,510 Why? 608 00:35:26,543 --> 00:35:27,912 Why do I want to know about your son? 609 00:35:27,945 --> 00:35:29,346 Because he killed mine. 610 00:35:55,505 --> 00:35:57,608 How far back would you like to go? 611 00:35:58,508 --> 00:35:59,677 Wherever you need. 612 00:36:01,344 --> 00:36:05,683 Because I can tell you everything. 613 00:36:05,717 --> 00:36:08,251 But there's so much that no one will ever know. 614 00:36:13,356 --> 00:36:18,663 He was shy, always. Even as a baby. 615 00:36:18,696 --> 00:36:22,700 We watched him. But I wasn't concerned. 616 00:36:22,734 --> 00:36:25,235 I saw things that no one else saw. 617 00:36:26,369 --> 00:36:27,939 He didn't play well with others. 618 00:36:27,972 --> 00:36:29,974 Not that he was mean. 619 00:36:30,007 --> 00:36:34,045 He just didn't seem to know how to. 620 00:36:34,078 --> 00:36:36,748 And later, when he was older, he only wanted to be outside. 621 00:36:36,781 --> 00:36:38,381 He loved the outdoors. 622 00:36:38,415 --> 00:36:40,517 I know this. No, I know this. 623 00:36:40,550 --> 00:36:43,054 I mean, he was shy, he loved animals. 624 00:36:43,087 --> 00:36:46,289 I've read everything. 625 00:36:46,323 --> 00:36:47,759 I don't know what you want me to say. 626 00:36:47,792 --> 00:36:49,794 What did worry you? 627 00:36:49,827 --> 00:36:52,997 You said you never worried, but what scared you? 628 00:36:53,030 --> 00:36:55,967 My son never scared me as a child. 629 00:36:56,000 --> 00:36:57,568 The photographs I have, 630 00:36:57,602 --> 00:36:59,336 the ones we don't want to look at... 631 00:36:59,369 --> 00:37:00,437 I don't need to see them. Okay? 632 00:37:00,470 --> 00:37:02,907 - That's not why we... - I don't need to see him. 633 00:37:02,940 --> 00:37:06,510 - Sure. Okay. - I want to know what changed. 634 00:37:07,745 --> 00:37:11,749 When he was 13, he started going online. 635 00:37:11,783 --> 00:37:14,384 He started that gaming profile, that account. 636 00:37:14,417 --> 00:37:15,653 They weren't violent games then. 637 00:37:15,686 --> 00:37:16,654 I know that, but... 638 00:37:16,687 --> 00:37:18,856 They were fantasy games, like role-play. 639 00:37:18,890 --> 00:37:19,724 Yeah, I know that. But it was still 640 00:37:19,757 --> 00:37:21,726 the same account that he used later on. 641 00:37:21,759 --> 00:37:25,797 So I'm just asking, what changed? 642 00:37:25,830 --> 00:37:26,831 That's very hard to answer. 643 00:37:26,864 --> 00:37:29,432 - Well, please try. - It's not just one thing. 644 00:37:29,466 --> 00:37:30,902 Then tell me more than one thing. 645 00:37:30,935 --> 00:37:33,638 Okay, Gail. Let's not do it like this. 646 00:37:33,671 --> 00:37:35,472 - Okay? - Okay. 647 00:37:35,505 --> 00:37:37,074 All right. 648 00:37:37,108 --> 00:37:39,076 You're right. 649 00:37:39,110 --> 00:37:41,779 - I'm sorry. - Yeah, yeah. Just... 650 00:37:41,813 --> 00:37:43,815 We're not interrogating. 651 00:37:43,848 --> 00:37:45,315 Then what are you doing? 652 00:37:47,118 --> 00:37:50,555 I say that as compassionately as I can. 653 00:37:50,588 --> 00:37:52,757 What are we doing? 654 00:37:52,790 --> 00:37:55,793 You say you want to heal. We all do. 655 00:37:56,526 --> 00:37:57,829 Is this how? 656 00:38:06,671 --> 00:38:11,742 I think, uh, we wanna know why... 657 00:38:12,844 --> 00:38:14,979 How this happened. 658 00:38:15,012 --> 00:38:15,847 - Right? - Mmm. 659 00:38:15,880 --> 00:38:20,350 I mean, we... We need to hear that. 660 00:38:21,518 --> 00:38:23,754 We need your help with that. 661 00:38:27,158 --> 00:38:28,693 I'm willing to help. 662 00:38:30,862 --> 00:38:32,395 We moved. 663 00:38:32,429 --> 00:38:33,865 You asked what changed. We moved. 664 00:38:33,898 --> 00:38:35,532 We did, but we can't be certain 665 00:38:35,566 --> 00:38:38,102 which changes affected him most. 666 00:38:38,135 --> 00:38:40,771 The new school with a new environment. 667 00:38:40,805 --> 00:38:41,839 It's very, very hard. 668 00:38:41,873 --> 00:38:44,642 Hayden didn't have close friends, 669 00:38:44,675 --> 00:38:46,777 growing up, as you probably know. 670 00:38:46,811 --> 00:38:48,846 But by middle school, that mattered more, 671 00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:50,915 and it affected him. 672 00:38:50,948 --> 00:38:53,718 A lot of things changed at that age. 673 00:38:53,751 --> 00:38:55,019 I had a new job. 674 00:38:55,052 --> 00:38:56,654 Steven was applying for colleges. 675 00:38:56,687 --> 00:39:00,892 So we were looking at tuition costs, private schools. 676 00:39:04,494 --> 00:39:05,528 We moved. 677 00:39:07,598 --> 00:39:09,133 Our older house had more space. 678 00:39:09,166 --> 00:39:11,434 Outdoors, but where we moved to actually 679 00:39:11,468 --> 00:39:13,738 was a much bigger home. 680 00:39:14,504 --> 00:39:16,073 That's true. 681 00:39:16,107 --> 00:39:18,541 But where we were had a great backyard. 682 00:39:18,576 --> 00:39:19,844 The new neighborhood was very nice. 683 00:39:19,877 --> 00:39:21,178 It was just more suburban. 684 00:39:22,847 --> 00:39:23,948 Plots. 685 00:39:26,516 --> 00:39:28,686 There wasn't the freedom he was used to. 686 00:39:28,719 --> 00:39:29,921 But it was nice. 687 00:39:33,224 --> 00:39:34,659 It was, Richard. 688 00:39:34,692 --> 00:39:36,127 The new school was very hard for him, 689 00:39:36,160 --> 00:39:38,963 seventh grade in particular. Bullying. 690 00:39:38,996 --> 00:39:40,497 Yes, it was... it was very bad. 691 00:39:40,530 --> 00:39:45,169 Yes. And the boys were a few years apart. 692 00:39:45,202 --> 00:39:48,806 So Steven, who was really thriving in high school, 693 00:39:48,839 --> 00:39:50,808 he didn't have a lot to give Hayden 694 00:39:50,841 --> 00:39:53,044 at that time, unfortunately. 695 00:39:55,012 --> 00:39:59,083 Sometimes I wish that the boys had been closer, 696 00:39:59,116 --> 00:40:02,186 closer in age so that they could've shared friends. 697 00:40:14,198 --> 00:40:20,905 We never planned or expected to have another. 698 00:40:24,541 --> 00:40:26,610 I think he was lonely, uh, 699 00:40:26,644 --> 00:40:30,982 and I think he missed how things were. 700 00:40:31,015 --> 00:40:32,149 And that's when he began to spend 701 00:40:32,183 --> 00:40:33,985 more time on the computer. 702 00:40:35,753 --> 00:40:38,856 The games, you know, we thought they were creative. 703 00:40:38,889 --> 00:40:43,526 We... We encouraged them at first. 704 00:40:43,561 --> 00:40:45,563 He could make choices. 705 00:40:45,596 --> 00:40:48,199 He could be whatever he wanted to be. 706 00:40:48,232 --> 00:40:54,138 And we could hear him playing with others, 707 00:40:54,171 --> 00:40:57,775 and he would laugh, which made me... 708 00:41:00,711 --> 00:41:02,580 I'm very sorry. 709 00:41:02,613 --> 00:41:05,016 Uh, and he was doing well in school. 710 00:41:05,049 --> 00:41:08,819 I mean, yeah, which was confusing and misleading. 711 00:41:08,853 --> 00:41:10,087 He always had very good grades. 712 00:41:10,121 --> 00:41:12,656 - He was first... - Yeah, I know. 713 00:41:12,690 --> 00:41:15,259 - I'm sorry. I... I just... - That's fine. 714 00:41:15,292 --> 00:41:17,128 We had nothing to do with publishing his grades 715 00:41:17,161 --> 00:41:18,162 or scores, any of that. 716 00:41:18,195 --> 00:41:20,164 Yeah, well, you didn't speak out about anything. 717 00:41:20,197 --> 00:41:21,265 I was only saying that... 718 00:41:21,298 --> 00:41:25,870 Well, we mistakenly thought his grades were a sign 719 00:41:25,903 --> 00:41:27,238 that things were okay. 720 00:41:27,271 --> 00:41:29,240 - That's not all. - It is, Richard. 721 00:41:29,273 --> 00:41:30,875 We thought that's what mattered. 722 00:41:30,908 --> 00:41:32,977 He wasn't fitting in. It hurt. 723 00:41:33,911 --> 00:41:34,745 The good grades made us 724 00:41:34,779 --> 00:41:36,147 - look past some of it. - Okay. 725 00:41:36,180 --> 00:41:37,715 Why didn't the school say anything? 726 00:41:37,748 --> 00:41:38,783 This was middle school. 727 00:41:38,816 --> 00:41:40,317 I know. But why? 728 00:41:40,351 --> 00:41:42,720 The school couldn't be bothered. 729 00:41:42,753 --> 00:41:46,824 He was quiet, and he was doing well. 730 00:41:46,857 --> 00:41:49,026 He didn't require attention. 731 00:41:51,162 --> 00:41:52,329 But there was a teacher, 732 00:41:52,363 --> 00:41:54,065 a math teacher in the eighth grade... 733 00:41:54,098 --> 00:41:55,099 Linda. 734 00:41:57,101 --> 00:41:58,102 No. 735 00:42:00,304 --> 00:42:01,839 Hayden loved him. 736 00:42:02,940 --> 00:42:05,309 I don't know what the connection was, 737 00:42:05,342 --> 00:42:07,711 or why it was so great. 738 00:42:07,745 --> 00:42:11,749 But he made him feel confident when he didn't. 739 00:42:13,951 --> 00:42:15,286 I wish I had... 740 00:42:17,721 --> 00:42:20,324 When he was really struggling later on, 741 00:42:20,357 --> 00:42:22,660 I tried to see if he could talk to him. 742 00:42:22,693 --> 00:42:25,596 But he had left for another school. And I didn't... 743 00:42:29,767 --> 00:42:31,836 I gave up looking for him. I... 744 00:42:35,106 --> 00:42:36,707 - I'm sorry. - That's... That's okay. 745 00:42:36,740 --> 00:42:40,277 He was teased because he had other interests. 746 00:42:40,311 --> 00:42:42,179 I think it made him embarrassed 747 00:42:42,213 --> 00:42:43,314 to have those other interests. 748 00:42:43,347 --> 00:42:46,317 He saw being different as a deficit, 749 00:42:46,350 --> 00:42:49,286 and we didn't know it or realize it 750 00:42:49,320 --> 00:42:51,255 until he showed signs of depression. 751 00:42:52,957 --> 00:42:55,993 He didn't strike you as being sad before? 752 00:42:56,026 --> 00:42:58,229 Quiet, but no. 753 00:42:58,262 --> 00:43:00,097 - Violent? - No, not then. 754 00:43:00,131 --> 00:43:03,000 When we grew concerned, we got help. 755 00:43:03,033 --> 00:43:04,435 When was that? 756 00:43:04,468 --> 00:43:06,337 His medical records were made public. 757 00:43:06,370 --> 00:43:08,105 We know the timeline. We read everything. 758 00:43:08,139 --> 00:43:10,174 - We want... - But what specifically? 759 00:43:10,207 --> 00:43:12,376 It was his unwillingness to do things. 760 00:43:12,409 --> 00:43:15,779 When Steven left for college, 761 00:43:15,813 --> 00:43:18,015 he became angry at our attention for him. 762 00:43:18,048 --> 00:43:19,783 What would be wrong with that? 763 00:43:19,817 --> 00:43:22,052 I think he resented our concern. 764 00:43:23,120 --> 00:43:25,022 He wouldn't even let us touch him. 765 00:43:25,055 --> 00:43:27,124 So that's when you got him help? 766 00:43:27,158 --> 00:43:28,792 Eventually. 767 00:43:28,826 --> 00:43:30,895 - He didn't want to... - He never did. 768 00:43:30,928 --> 00:43:32,830 We finally forced him to see someone. 769 00:43:32,863 --> 00:43:34,231 And we didn't feel we had a choice. 770 00:43:34,265 --> 00:43:35,699 But he begged us to stop. 771 00:43:35,733 --> 00:43:38,836 He pleaded with us to let him be normal, 772 00:43:38,869 --> 00:43:41,172 or that he didn't need it anymore. 773 00:43:43,007 --> 00:43:46,744 He said the sessions made him feel not... 774 00:43:47,411 --> 00:43:48,412 What? 775 00:43:52,082 --> 00:43:53,751 Not human. 776 00:43:55,519 --> 00:43:56,754 He said that? 777 00:43:59,290 --> 00:44:01,458 The therapist said he needs to stop isolating. 778 00:44:01,492 --> 00:44:04,461 It's only reinforcing his negative expectations. 779 00:44:04,495 --> 00:44:08,299 All this time online is not enhancing his relationships. 780 00:44:08,332 --> 00:44:09,366 It's making him lonelier. 781 00:44:09,400 --> 00:44:11,435 So, you just let him stop going? 782 00:44:11,468 --> 00:44:12,637 For a while. 783 00:44:12,671 --> 00:44:16,140 And then things would change or something would happen... 784 00:44:16,173 --> 00:44:18,142 - Like the pipe bomb. - ...and we'd go through it 785 00:44:18,175 --> 00:44:19,343 again. Yes. Yes. 786 00:44:19,376 --> 00:44:21,045 That certainly had consequences. 787 00:44:21,078 --> 00:44:22,046 Consequences. 788 00:44:22,079 --> 00:44:25,182 At the time, it did. He was arrested. 789 00:44:25,216 --> 00:44:26,850 There was no consequence. 790 00:44:26,884 --> 00:44:30,721 I know how that sounds, but we were devastated. 791 00:44:31,355 --> 00:44:33,157 And we tried everything. 792 00:44:33,190 --> 00:44:34,525 Was the doctor good enough? 793 00:44:34,559 --> 00:44:36,293 Would they get the prescription right? 794 00:44:36,327 --> 00:44:38,162 Did they take insurance? 795 00:44:38,195 --> 00:44:39,863 I mean, of course we would have paid anything, 796 00:44:39,897 --> 00:44:42,199 but it was expensive. 797 00:44:42,233 --> 00:44:46,170 I'm just saying, this was the reality of how it was, 798 00:44:46,203 --> 00:44:48,105 how defeating, 799 00:44:48,138 --> 00:44:51,809 and even with all the professional advice, 800 00:44:51,842 --> 00:44:54,812 it came down to the two of us alone, 801 00:44:54,845 --> 00:44:56,247 making the choices. 802 00:44:56,280 --> 00:44:59,950 And we tried, over and over again. 803 00:44:59,984 --> 00:45:01,952 - You can see. - It's true. 804 00:45:01,986 --> 00:45:03,454 There is no new information 805 00:45:03,487 --> 00:45:05,557 regarding his criminal or medical records. 806 00:45:05,590 --> 00:45:07,258 You have access to everything. 807 00:45:07,291 --> 00:45:08,325 Why didn't you tell the school? 808 00:45:08,359 --> 00:45:10,060 This was high school. 809 00:45:13,230 --> 00:45:14,431 We didn't have to. 810 00:45:15,866 --> 00:45:16,967 He had just started there... 811 00:45:17,001 --> 00:45:18,269 - What? - ...and... 812 00:45:19,970 --> 00:45:23,407 I didn't want it to reflect badly on him. 813 00:45:23,440 --> 00:45:25,009 If we thought he was dangerous... 814 00:45:25,042 --> 00:45:26,410 Oh, God. 815 00:45:27,945 --> 00:45:30,014 - I'm sorry. - As long as he completed 816 00:45:30,047 --> 00:45:31,181 - his program, his reports... - Jesus Christ. 817 00:45:31,215 --> 00:45:33,117 The program was a joke. 818 00:45:33,150 --> 00:45:35,286 They made mistakes. They missed things. 819 00:45:35,319 --> 00:45:36,420 We all did. 820 00:45:38,322 --> 00:45:39,490 But he was lying. 821 00:45:40,324 --> 00:45:41,492 What? 822 00:45:41,525 --> 00:45:43,360 Did you know that? 823 00:45:43,394 --> 00:45:46,997 I suspected that he was holding things back, 824 00:45:47,031 --> 00:45:49,400 but I never, never could have believed... 825 00:45:49,433 --> 00:45:51,368 I understand not speaking publicly 826 00:45:51,402 --> 00:45:52,836 made it look like we had secrets. 827 00:45:52,870 --> 00:45:54,572 I don't... I'm... It's not secrets 828 00:45:54,606 --> 00:45:57,508 that I have doubts about, though. 829 00:45:57,541 --> 00:46:01,945 Or facts. It's... Knowing. 830 00:46:03,080 --> 00:46:06,850 It's parents' intuition, hmm? 831 00:46:06,884 --> 00:46:09,119 You feel it. It should hurt you. 832 00:46:10,154 --> 00:46:11,221 It did. 833 00:46:11,255 --> 00:46:12,956 And we got him help. 834 00:46:12,990 --> 00:46:15,025 We didn't know. 835 00:46:15,059 --> 00:46:16,594 And everything that happened afterwards, 836 00:46:16,628 --> 00:46:18,395 the lawsuits, the media, 837 00:46:18,429 --> 00:46:21,398 the hate that flooded into our lives, 838 00:46:21,432 --> 00:46:25,102 never once did we feel ready or prepared for any of it. 839 00:46:25,135 --> 00:46:27,237 We just did the best to survive. 840 00:46:27,271 --> 00:46:28,573 So why not speak? 841 00:46:28,606 --> 00:46:30,441 Because I didn't have an answer. 842 00:46:30,474 --> 00:46:33,310 Why not help prevent this from happening again? 843 00:46:33,344 --> 00:46:34,545 Because I don't know how. 844 00:46:34,579 --> 00:46:36,947 That's why you didn't speak. 845 00:46:36,980 --> 00:46:39,516 You had no answers. No idea. 846 00:46:39,550 --> 00:46:44,355 Just understand that until the civil statutes ran out, 847 00:46:44,388 --> 00:46:46,323 we were rarely given permission to speak. 848 00:46:46,357 --> 00:46:50,127 Even our apologies had to be worded. 849 00:46:50,160 --> 00:46:51,663 Linda couldn't join a mothers' support group 850 00:46:51,696 --> 00:46:52,930 because they worried that 851 00:46:52,963 --> 00:46:54,365 she'd put the other women at risk. 852 00:46:54,398 --> 00:46:56,601 - At risk? - Of being deposed. 853 00:46:57,968 --> 00:46:59,069 I didn't know that. 854 00:47:11,683 --> 00:47:13,150 Well, look... 855 00:47:14,952 --> 00:47:17,221 A lot of what happened in the aftermath was wrong. 856 00:47:18,556 --> 00:47:22,393 We know now a lot of mistakes were made, 857 00:47:22,426 --> 00:47:23,695 even from the beginning, 858 00:47:23,728 --> 00:47:26,230 just institutionally, legally, everything. 859 00:47:27,264 --> 00:47:29,333 But we didn't sue 860 00:47:29,366 --> 00:47:31,034 and we're not gonna. 861 00:47:31,068 --> 00:47:34,171 We signed all those waivers for today. 862 00:47:36,140 --> 00:47:37,975 We didn't want anything. 863 00:47:38,008 --> 00:47:40,578 We wanted Evan back. 864 00:47:40,612 --> 00:47:44,014 Yeah, and that was impossible. 865 00:47:44,047 --> 00:47:47,151 In hindsight, we would have done things differently. 866 00:47:47,184 --> 00:47:50,187 The authorities would have, too. There was negligence. 867 00:47:50,220 --> 00:47:52,624 That was the basis of all the settlements, but... 868 00:47:55,660 --> 00:47:58,462 Where's your regret? 869 00:47:58,495 --> 00:48:00,998 That's what we want to see. Right? 870 00:48:01,031 --> 00:48:02,600 Where is your regret? 871 00:48:04,134 --> 00:48:05,235 I regret everything. 872 00:48:06,370 --> 00:48:09,540 The worst outcome imaginable happened. 873 00:48:09,574 --> 00:48:10,575 Any change I might have made 874 00:48:10,608 --> 00:48:12,376 could have resulted in a different outcome. 875 00:48:12,409 --> 00:48:14,311 I regret everything. 876 00:48:14,344 --> 00:48:15,747 How can you be so matter-of-fact? 877 00:48:15,780 --> 00:48:17,414 How else can I be? 878 00:48:17,448 --> 00:48:20,217 I don't know. The way you can just talk about it so... 879 00:48:21,351 --> 00:48:25,022 Look, we decided against litigation. 880 00:48:25,055 --> 00:48:28,125 But that doesn't mean that we don't 881 00:48:28,158 --> 00:48:31,061 want to see you in pain. 882 00:48:31,094 --> 00:48:33,665 We want to see you punished. 883 00:48:33,698 --> 00:48:35,532 We want to see that you hurt. 884 00:48:35,567 --> 00:48:37,367 - Like everyone else. - Like everyone else. 885 00:48:37,401 --> 00:48:39,737 - Like you. - Yeah, like me, like us. 886 00:48:39,771 --> 00:48:42,674 Like our daughter, who doesn't sleep. 887 00:48:42,707 --> 00:48:43,741 Jay... 888 00:48:49,179 --> 00:48:50,180 Fine. 889 00:48:51,783 --> 00:48:56,420 Okay, he has this boy who makes a pipe bomb, 890 00:48:56,453 --> 00:48:58,623 a pipe bomb. 891 00:48:58,656 --> 00:49:01,191 And he's arrested. He was put in this program. 892 00:49:01,225 --> 00:49:02,392 I was scared. 893 00:49:04,394 --> 00:49:05,630 What? 894 00:49:08,465 --> 00:49:09,767 We were, Richard. 895 00:49:12,069 --> 00:49:13,103 We were scared. 896 00:49:15,239 --> 00:49:16,473 I was scared. 897 00:49:17,307 --> 00:49:18,710 You were? 898 00:49:18,743 --> 00:49:19,878 I was. 899 00:49:19,911 --> 00:49:22,546 He told us before he had contemplated suicide. 900 00:49:22,580 --> 00:49:23,748 But it was only on that test 901 00:49:23,781 --> 00:49:25,717 that he mentioned thoughts of homicide. 902 00:49:25,750 --> 00:49:28,085 We were scared. 903 00:49:28,118 --> 00:49:30,588 But I was trying to see the best possible outcome. 904 00:49:30,622 --> 00:49:32,055 We should have done something then. 905 00:49:32,089 --> 00:49:33,123 - Now... - We should have, 906 00:49:33,156 --> 00:49:34,224 we should have... 907 00:49:34,258 --> 00:49:36,794 Of course now, but what? 908 00:49:36,828 --> 00:49:39,463 And I couldn't accept that he would throw away his future 909 00:49:39,496 --> 00:49:41,733 because of a homemade bomb, Linda. Please. 910 00:49:41,766 --> 00:49:44,602 Where did this interest in bombs come from? 911 00:49:44,636 --> 00:49:46,169 Didn't it surprise you at all? 912 00:49:46,203 --> 00:49:47,204 - Yes. - We didn't know, 913 00:49:47,237 --> 00:49:49,239 anywhere. Yes. It surprised us. It shocked us. 914 00:49:49,273 --> 00:49:50,340 He said he read it online. 915 00:49:50,374 --> 00:49:51,375 He said he was bored. 916 00:49:51,408 --> 00:49:52,810 He said it was just something to do. 917 00:49:52,844 --> 00:49:53,711 "I'm not the only one." 918 00:49:53,745 --> 00:49:56,480 - What? - Yes, that's what he said. 919 00:49:56,513 --> 00:49:59,516 And once he'd made it, he figured he'd set it off. 920 00:49:59,550 --> 00:50:01,786 He went back to the woods. 921 00:50:01,819 --> 00:50:03,287 Where we used to live. 922 00:50:03,320 --> 00:50:04,656 No one was around. 923 00:50:04,689 --> 00:50:06,624 He wasn't trying to... 924 00:50:06,658 --> 00:50:07,792 He didn't... 925 00:50:09,894 --> 00:50:13,430 We hoped it was what he said it was. 926 00:50:13,463 --> 00:50:16,333 Later on, when we found more plans in his room, 927 00:50:16,366 --> 00:50:20,170 he said there was good money in artillery engineering, 928 00:50:20,203 --> 00:50:21,405 working in the Defense Department. 929 00:50:21,438 --> 00:50:22,574 That was his excuse. 930 00:50:22,607 --> 00:50:24,207 You couldn't have believed that. 931 00:50:24,241 --> 00:50:25,409 We knew nothing about it. 932 00:50:25,442 --> 00:50:26,878 After everything, no. 933 00:50:26,911 --> 00:50:29,313 How could you have believed that? 934 00:50:29,346 --> 00:50:30,815 Because I wanted to. 935 00:50:32,750 --> 00:50:34,686 He told me things. 936 00:50:35,385 --> 00:50:36,386 He did. 937 00:50:38,322 --> 00:50:40,123 I thought he confided in me. 938 00:50:42,894 --> 00:50:47,297 But now I know that some of the things he told me were 939 00:50:47,331 --> 00:50:49,466 purposefully deceitful, 940 00:50:51,301 --> 00:50:52,502 to keep me away. 941 00:50:55,505 --> 00:50:58,375 We really did think he was turning things around. 942 00:50:59,376 --> 00:51:01,211 We had plans for the summer. 943 00:51:01,913 --> 00:51:03,280 For college. 944 00:51:06,818 --> 00:51:11,455 We were told that once... 945 00:51:15,525 --> 00:51:17,562 I'm sorry. 946 00:51:17,595 --> 00:51:20,530 ...once someone decides their fate, 947 00:51:20,565 --> 00:51:22,634 they do find some happiness. 948 00:51:23,768 --> 00:51:25,670 They can even appear euphoric. 949 00:51:28,271 --> 00:51:31,776 Those last few months, we were happy. 950 00:51:36,848 --> 00:51:39,182 He checked off homicidal thoughts. 951 00:51:39,216 --> 00:51:40,718 His therapist said that was normal. 952 00:51:40,752 --> 00:51:41,786 Normal? 953 00:51:41,819 --> 00:51:42,854 For a young man to be angry. 954 00:51:42,887 --> 00:51:46,289 Why ask the question if you choose to ignore it? 955 00:51:46,323 --> 00:51:48,358 Your neighbor called the police. 956 00:51:48,392 --> 00:51:49,794 He called us, not the police. 957 00:51:49,827 --> 00:51:51,161 About a year before. 958 00:51:51,729 --> 00:51:53,330 That was a bad night. 959 00:51:53,363 --> 00:51:54,599 We would try to calm him down, 960 00:51:54,632 --> 00:51:58,301 minimize whatever it was that was bothering him. 961 00:51:58,335 --> 00:51:59,637 I think that, in the end, 962 00:51:59,671 --> 00:52:01,906 it may have only intensified his feelings. 963 00:52:04,241 --> 00:52:05,509 He could be frightening. 964 00:52:05,542 --> 00:52:08,311 He would get frustrated, easily. 965 00:52:08,345 --> 00:52:10,648 Frustrated with things he couldn't figure out. 966 00:52:10,682 --> 00:52:12,617 And that would... 967 00:52:12,650 --> 00:52:13,618 - Embarrass him. - Yes. 968 00:52:13,651 --> 00:52:17,622 And it was always hard for him to ask for help. 969 00:52:19,256 --> 00:52:21,893 But eventually, he just... 970 00:52:21,926 --> 00:52:24,461 ...stopped asking entirely. 971 00:52:28,900 --> 00:52:32,603 Maybe my expectations for him were too high. 972 00:52:32,637 --> 00:52:37,642 I'd let it go, thinking not to bother him. 973 00:52:37,675 --> 00:52:38,976 But then, I... 974 00:52:42,279 --> 00:52:44,214 I'd just be letting him go. 975 00:52:52,456 --> 00:52:54,324 Look, I've done my accounting. 976 00:52:54,357 --> 00:52:55,893 There isn't a criticism I haven't heard 977 00:52:55,927 --> 00:52:58,328 or placed upon myself. 978 00:52:58,361 --> 00:53:00,464 We were not impassive, as you've said. 979 00:53:00,497 --> 00:53:01,632 - What...? - Indifferent. 980 00:53:01,666 --> 00:53:03,366 You didn't speak out. You said nothing. 981 00:53:03,400 --> 00:53:06,269 - We released a statement. - That's bullshit. 982 00:53:06,303 --> 00:53:07,672 "Thoughts and prayers." That's it? 983 00:53:07,705 --> 00:53:09,339 When we asked for privacy, 984 00:53:09,372 --> 00:53:10,742 we were accused of hiding something. 985 00:53:10,775 --> 00:53:13,044 You didn't deserve privacy. You don't deserve privacy. 986 00:53:13,077 --> 00:53:14,946 You should have said something. 987 00:53:14,979 --> 00:53:16,480 What should we say? 988 00:53:16,513 --> 00:53:17,648 - I'm asking you. - You... 989 00:53:17,682 --> 00:53:18,616 No, I'm asking you. No. 990 00:53:18,649 --> 00:53:19,617 - No, no. What would we say? - I don't know. 991 00:53:19,650 --> 00:53:20,484 You said that when it happened, you weren't... 992 00:53:20,517 --> 00:53:22,452 I'm asking you. What should we say? 993 00:53:22,486 --> 00:53:23,688 That when it happened, 994 00:53:23,721 --> 00:53:25,556 - that some part of you knew. - No. 995 00:53:25,590 --> 00:53:27,759 What should we say? 996 00:53:27,792 --> 00:53:28,960 That when it happened, 997 00:53:28,993 --> 00:53:31,763 that some part of you wasn't surprised. 998 00:53:31,796 --> 00:53:33,430 We were surprised. 999 00:53:35,432 --> 00:53:37,400 We didn't know what happened. 1000 00:53:37,434 --> 00:53:38,803 I still don't know. 1001 00:53:38,836 --> 00:53:41,973 I came home from work and the phone rang. 1002 00:53:42,006 --> 00:53:47,444 His friend called the house to see if he was there. 1003 00:53:47,477 --> 00:53:49,781 I said, "Aren't you both in school?" 1004 00:53:49,814 --> 00:53:51,616 I didn't... 1005 00:53:51,649 --> 00:53:54,317 He said he hadn't seen Hayden all day, 1006 00:53:54,351 --> 00:53:55,653 that something happened. 1007 00:53:55,686 --> 00:53:57,454 Something was happening. 1008 00:53:57,487 --> 00:53:59,489 I had no idea... 1009 00:53:59,523 --> 00:54:01,559 Even when I turned on the television. 1010 00:54:01,592 --> 00:54:04,829 I saw the school from above. 1011 00:54:04,862 --> 00:54:06,731 I... I... 1012 00:54:06,764 --> 00:54:09,567 ...what he could have been talking about. 1013 00:54:09,600 --> 00:54:10,968 We didn't know. 1014 00:54:13,871 --> 00:54:16,540 His friend. This was Alex. Right? 1015 00:54:16,574 --> 00:54:18,341 - Yes. - Yeah. Who knew. 1016 00:54:18,375 --> 00:54:19,911 No. He suspected. 1017 00:54:19,944 --> 00:54:21,511 They were his father's guns. 1018 00:54:21,545 --> 00:54:23,648 He didn't know Hayden had taken them. 1019 00:54:23,681 --> 00:54:26,516 He thought... He thought to ask you to go look. 1020 00:54:26,550 --> 00:54:27,417 So he must have thought about it... 1021 00:54:27,450 --> 00:54:29,720 He asked because it had happened. 1022 00:54:29,754 --> 00:54:31,989 He was there. None of us knew yet. 1023 00:54:32,023 --> 00:54:33,456 "Go and look in his bedroom." 1024 00:54:33,490 --> 00:54:34,892 - He said... The closet. - Yes. Yes. 1025 00:54:34,926 --> 00:54:36,060 It was Alex. 1026 00:54:36,093 --> 00:54:37,995 He said he wasn't answering his phone 1027 00:54:38,029 --> 00:54:39,096 and that no one had seen him, 1028 00:54:39,130 --> 00:54:40,198 could I check? 1029 00:54:40,231 --> 00:54:43,568 Yes. I didn't understand what I was even looking for. 1030 00:54:43,601 --> 00:54:45,535 I thought he would tell me. 1031 00:54:45,570 --> 00:54:49,607 He just kept crying and saying, "I'm sorry." 1032 00:54:49,640 --> 00:54:51,676 I thought he did something. 1033 00:54:51,709 --> 00:54:52,710 We all did. 1034 00:54:55,980 --> 00:54:59,150 None of us knew that Alex's family had guns 1035 00:54:59,183 --> 00:55:01,018 or that Hayden had used them. 1036 00:55:01,052 --> 00:55:03,721 We learned all of that after. 1037 00:55:03,754 --> 00:55:06,123 Where were you when...? 1038 00:55:11,028 --> 00:55:12,529 I was working. 1039 00:55:14,866 --> 00:55:16,767 I have events out of order, 1040 00:55:17,835 --> 00:55:18,870 apparently. 1041 00:55:20,537 --> 00:55:21,939 Um... 1042 00:55:23,540 --> 00:55:26,644 A friend, a colleague, called me out of my office, 1043 00:55:26,677 --> 00:55:29,146 - and the television was on... - Wait, wait. Stop. Stop. 1044 00:55:29,180 --> 00:55:31,916 We don't wanna hear... We don't need to hear this. 1045 00:55:31,949 --> 00:55:33,550 We just want to know why you didn't do something, 1046 00:55:33,584 --> 00:55:34,752 why you couldn't say something. 1047 00:55:34,785 --> 00:55:35,920 I want to. 1048 00:55:35,953 --> 00:55:38,022 - What? - I want to hear. 1049 00:55:38,055 --> 00:55:39,557 What's the point? Why? 1050 00:55:39,590 --> 00:55:41,959 I know. I want to hear. 1051 00:55:52,502 --> 00:55:53,638 I called you. 1052 00:55:53,671 --> 00:55:54,906 Yes. But it was... 1053 00:55:55,907 --> 00:55:57,540 hard for us to speak. 1054 00:55:57,575 --> 00:55:59,476 I tried, but I couldn't. 1055 00:55:59,509 --> 00:56:03,413 I could tell. So I feared the worst. 1056 00:56:04,481 --> 00:56:05,783 But I hadn't... 1057 00:56:07,517 --> 00:56:10,788 You said, "He was never here." 1058 00:56:10,821 --> 00:56:12,957 His room. It was... 1059 00:56:13,891 --> 00:56:15,525 His bed was made, 1060 00:56:15,559 --> 00:56:19,697 and there was this notebook on his pillow. 1061 00:56:19,730 --> 00:56:22,033 I'd never seen it before. 1062 00:56:22,066 --> 00:56:25,770 It was worn and marked. 1063 00:56:26,671 --> 00:56:29,206 Oh, I was so scared. 1064 00:56:29,240 --> 00:56:32,810 It must have been there all day, all night. 1065 00:56:32,843 --> 00:56:36,647 I didn't know what she had seen yet. 1066 00:56:36,681 --> 00:56:37,915 I was just trying to get home. 1067 00:56:37,949 --> 00:56:40,618 And at one point, I thought, 1068 00:56:40,651 --> 00:56:44,622 "Why am I going home? I need to get to the school." 1069 00:56:45,790 --> 00:56:49,694 And then I got a call from my sister. 1070 00:56:49,727 --> 00:56:52,797 She kept telling me to pull over, 1071 00:56:52,830 --> 00:56:53,898 and I said I will not. 1072 00:56:53,931 --> 00:56:57,735 I would not stop driving, and then 1073 00:56:57,768 --> 00:56:59,837 we were both crying. 1074 00:57:01,005 --> 00:57:02,073 So I just... 1075 00:57:05,810 --> 00:57:07,178 I don't remember. 1076 00:57:09,046 --> 00:57:10,681 I pulled on to our street, 1077 00:57:10,715 --> 00:57:14,785 and I guess that's where I wanted to go, and... 1078 00:57:14,819 --> 00:57:16,687 - But I was too late. - Hmm. 1079 00:57:16,721 --> 00:57:18,823 Hundreds of them, all in black. 1080 00:57:18,856 --> 00:57:21,659 So sudden, and helicopters... 1081 00:57:21,692 --> 00:57:22,827 Couldn't get near our driveway, 1082 00:57:22,860 --> 00:57:24,562 so I just left the car. 1083 00:57:24,595 --> 00:57:26,130 I still don't know who moved it back. 1084 00:57:26,163 --> 00:57:27,164 Yeah. 1085 00:57:29,066 --> 00:57:30,201 They kept us apart. 1086 00:57:30,234 --> 00:57:34,672 They made me wait outside while they searched the house. 1087 00:57:36,007 --> 00:57:38,609 They kept me in the backyard. 1088 00:57:38,642 --> 00:57:42,713 I kept saying it was a mistake. It was... 1089 00:57:42,747 --> 00:57:46,884 There was a young policeman watching me 1090 00:57:46,917 --> 00:57:48,285 to make sure I didn't, 1091 00:57:48,319 --> 00:57:51,756 I learned this after, hurt myself. 1092 00:57:52,757 --> 00:57:56,127 Finally, I said, "Is my son dead?" 1093 00:58:00,865 --> 00:58:03,601 And he said, 1094 00:58:03,634 --> 00:58:05,903 not unkindly, 1095 00:58:05,936 --> 00:58:07,004 "Yes. 1096 00:58:08,105 --> 00:58:10,074 "But that's all I can tell you." 1097 00:58:11,075 --> 00:58:12,542 As if... 1098 00:58:16,981 --> 00:58:19,617 It was wrong what they did, keeping us apart. 1099 00:58:19,650 --> 00:58:21,118 It was wrong. 1100 00:58:21,152 --> 00:58:22,987 It was, Richard. 1101 00:58:23,020 --> 00:58:25,723 Yeah, they didn't have to. 1102 00:58:25,756 --> 00:58:29,693 I kept asking, demanding, to see my wife. 1103 00:58:32,363 --> 00:58:34,031 I begged, Linda. 1104 00:58:35,132 --> 00:58:37,068 It's not our fault, Richard. 1105 00:58:38,035 --> 00:58:39,236 It was wrong. 1106 00:58:40,071 --> 00:58:41,238 It was. 1107 00:58:48,946 --> 00:58:51,382 There were many times I wished he had killed me too. 1108 00:58:51,415 --> 00:58:53,984 But he loved us. 1109 00:58:55,719 --> 00:58:57,888 He told us. 1110 00:58:57,922 --> 00:59:01,592 He said he was sorry for what he would put us through. 1111 00:59:02,326 --> 00:59:03,961 In his notebook. 1112 00:59:03,994 --> 00:59:04,995 Yeah. 1113 00:59:06,664 --> 00:59:08,599 He destroyed your lives. 1114 00:59:09,266 --> 00:59:10,768 All of our lives. 1115 00:59:15,339 --> 00:59:18,609 He did. But the love we had, 1116 00:59:19,043 --> 00:59:22,713 it was real! 1117 00:59:22,746 --> 00:59:26,884 And the truth is, we believed we were good parents. 1118 00:59:26,917 --> 00:59:32,656 And in some awful, confusing way, we still do. 1119 00:59:32,690 --> 00:59:36,193 Isn't it worse that I thought I was a good mother? 1120 00:59:36,961 --> 00:59:39,196 I love my children. 1121 00:59:39,230 --> 00:59:41,098 Other parents... I wasn't so different. 1122 00:59:41,132 --> 00:59:43,267 How did I do things so differently? 1123 00:59:45,136 --> 00:59:47,371 That makes it... 1124 00:59:47,404 --> 00:59:51,809 It's very hard to trust anything anymore. 1125 00:59:52,476 --> 00:59:54,278 I raised a murderer. 1126 00:59:56,847 --> 00:59:59,150 And sometimes I... 1127 01:00:01,252 --> 01:00:03,053 I don't know if I'm still grieving 1128 01:00:03,087 --> 01:00:05,923 or if I ever really have. 1129 01:00:08,058 --> 01:00:10,194 The service was in secret. 1130 01:00:10,227 --> 01:00:13,397 No local church would memorialize him. 1131 01:00:13,430 --> 01:00:17,468 Richard had to beg to bury his son. 1132 01:00:17,501 --> 01:00:22,673 And when we finally found a place, I was so ashamed. 1133 01:00:23,174 --> 01:00:25,442 Their kindness... 1134 01:00:25,476 --> 01:00:29,246 You're supposed to tell stories. We hid. 1135 01:00:29,280 --> 01:00:32,016 Many friends, our friends, didn't know what to say. 1136 01:00:32,049 --> 01:00:33,884 - They didn't come. - No. 1137 01:00:33,918 --> 01:00:36,887 We had our closest relatives with us, good friends. 1138 01:00:36,921 --> 01:00:38,956 I remember looking at the clock. 1139 01:00:41,125 --> 01:00:44,195 We were so overwhelmed with blame. 1140 01:00:44,228 --> 01:00:47,031 Our financial situation was impossible. 1141 01:00:48,199 --> 01:00:53,771 Grief felt like something out of reach. 1142 01:00:55,272 --> 01:00:58,042 I didn't stop him because I didn't know. 1143 01:00:58,842 --> 01:00:59,877 And I didn't say anything 1144 01:00:59,910 --> 01:01:02,213 because I didn't know what to say. 1145 01:01:03,948 --> 01:01:05,216 And I'm sorry. 1146 01:01:06,884 --> 01:01:10,387 I never thought I had enough good to say. 1147 01:01:13,791 --> 01:01:15,726 I want answers. I do. 1148 01:01:16,827 --> 01:01:20,164 I have to reconcile his actions 1149 01:01:20,197 --> 01:01:23,267 with the child I loved and raised. 1150 01:01:27,304 --> 01:01:28,939 But maybe there are none. 1151 01:01:30,908 --> 01:01:33,277 And maybe we're the last people to ask. 1152 01:01:37,815 --> 01:01:40,150 "We know the hate." 1153 01:01:43,555 --> 01:01:45,356 Joy Murphy's parents used to say that. 1154 01:01:45,389 --> 01:01:47,524 Remember their church? 1155 01:01:47,559 --> 01:01:50,461 "We need not know why the hate for we know the hate," 1156 01:01:50,494 --> 01:01:52,529 or some stupid thing. 1157 01:01:52,564 --> 01:01:54,331 Are these for us? 1158 01:01:54,365 --> 01:01:55,833 I'm sure it's all right. 1159 01:01:55,866 --> 01:01:57,468 Does anybody want one? 1160 01:01:57,501 --> 01:02:00,004 - No, thank you. - I can't breathe in this room. 1161 01:02:03,507 --> 01:02:04,875 Ah. 1162 01:02:04,908 --> 01:02:06,877 That whole church movement thing afterwards 1163 01:02:06,910 --> 01:02:08,112 made me so angry. 1164 01:02:09,046 --> 01:02:10,981 What? The devil? 1165 01:02:11,015 --> 01:02:12,049 Really? 1166 01:02:12,516 --> 01:02:14,351 Meaningless. 1167 01:02:14,385 --> 01:02:15,919 Trust the Catholic Church to come up 1168 01:02:15,953 --> 01:02:17,454 with the most bankrupt response. 1169 01:02:18,188 --> 01:02:19,857 Sorry. 1170 01:02:19,890 --> 01:02:21,559 This is an Episcopal Church. 1171 01:02:23,927 --> 01:02:26,363 Okay, I don't know. I'm... 1172 01:02:26,397 --> 01:02:30,034 I'm Christian. I'm not religious. 1173 01:02:33,337 --> 01:02:35,239 Ah. 1174 01:02:35,272 --> 01:02:37,174 They recycle here or...? 1175 01:02:37,207 --> 01:02:38,909 Just leave it. 1176 01:02:42,346 --> 01:02:44,114 Huh! 1177 01:02:44,148 --> 01:02:46,850 At least they found acceptance first. 1178 01:02:46,884 --> 01:02:50,187 Yeah. At least they understood it for... 1179 01:02:51,556 --> 01:02:52,956 I don't know. 1180 01:02:54,626 --> 01:02:57,828 But for the rest of us who need reason, 1181 01:02:58,962 --> 01:03:00,864 we need to look at what he was. 1182 01:03:00,898 --> 01:03:03,867 We knew he was troubled, just not how capable. 1183 01:03:03,901 --> 01:03:05,336 I believe you. You didn't... 1184 01:03:06,370 --> 01:03:08,872 I'm asking because 1185 01:03:08,906 --> 01:03:11,041 a psychiatrist told us afterwards 1186 01:03:11,075 --> 01:03:13,277 that he wouldn't have shared his problems. 1187 01:03:13,310 --> 01:03:15,279 That he probably couldn't. That... 1188 01:03:15,312 --> 01:03:17,147 We thought he might with his friends. 1189 01:03:17,181 --> 01:03:18,315 We asked him to. 1190 01:03:18,349 --> 01:03:21,418 He finally started making friends again, in high school. 1191 01:03:21,452 --> 01:03:22,453 He found a good group. 1192 01:03:24,254 --> 01:03:25,989 A good group? 1193 01:03:26,023 --> 01:03:27,625 Alex, who showed him where his family's guns were? 1194 01:03:27,659 --> 01:03:29,026 Hayden stole those guns. 1195 01:03:29,059 --> 01:03:30,260 His friends had nothing to do with it. 1196 01:03:30,294 --> 01:03:32,363 That group that went to the gun ranges, 1197 01:03:32,396 --> 01:03:36,467 that sat up all day and night playing Call of Duty. 1198 01:03:36,500 --> 01:03:39,671 It's a video game. They're simulations. 1199 01:03:39,704 --> 01:03:41,205 And how many visits to the gun range? 1200 01:03:41,238 --> 01:03:43,507 - Only two. - No, that we know of. 1201 01:03:43,540 --> 01:03:45,209 And any... You don't need to go anymore 1202 01:03:45,242 --> 01:03:46,310 with these games now. 1203 01:03:46,343 --> 01:03:50,147 If you'd allow me to finish addressing your point, 1204 01:03:50,180 --> 01:03:53,685 I'm just saying that by the end of his life, 1205 01:03:53,718 --> 01:03:57,689 whatever was going on inside, he seemed popular, 1206 01:03:57,722 --> 01:03:59,256 - for him, in his circle. - Fine. Sure. 1207 01:03:59,289 --> 01:04:01,659 Okay, but I'm talking about something different. 1208 01:04:01,693 --> 01:04:03,260 And I'm just saying 1209 01:04:03,293 --> 01:04:05,529 that we couldn't know how isolated he was 1210 01:04:05,563 --> 01:04:07,665 because he was popular. 1211 01:04:07,699 --> 01:04:09,701 Or not... That's not the right word, I know. 1212 01:04:09,734 --> 01:04:13,137 But we couldn't know the level of intimacy in his social life 1213 01:04:13,170 --> 01:04:14,438 from where he had been. 1214 01:04:14,471 --> 01:04:17,007 We were just happy for him to have a social life. 1215 01:04:17,040 --> 01:04:19,109 Okay. That isolation... 1216 01:04:19,143 --> 01:04:21,445 But he was bullied in high school. 1217 01:04:21,478 --> 01:04:22,647 Not by his friends. 1218 01:04:22,680 --> 01:04:24,214 But still. 1219 01:04:24,248 --> 01:04:25,282 They all told the police 1220 01:04:25,315 --> 01:04:27,585 how often he talked about killing certain students. 1221 01:04:27,619 --> 01:04:29,953 They said they all talked like that. 1222 01:04:29,987 --> 01:04:32,557 His group of friends experienced a lot of bullying. 1223 01:04:32,590 --> 01:04:34,391 Well, that's fine. I don't care. 1224 01:04:34,425 --> 01:04:37,629 Sorry. If I could just get this out. 1225 01:04:37,662 --> 01:04:40,063 That isolation, that... 1226 01:04:40,097 --> 01:04:42,600 Even with friends, that detachment, 1227 01:04:42,634 --> 01:04:46,970 sometimes indicative of a lack of feeling, of empathy. 1228 01:04:47,004 --> 01:04:49,540 Now add to that thousands of hours online 1229 01:04:49,574 --> 01:04:51,208 and no real human contact. 1230 01:04:51,241 --> 01:04:53,410 I'm just... This is how the psychiatrist explained it. 1231 01:04:53,444 --> 01:04:55,446 We understand the psychology. 1232 01:04:55,479 --> 01:04:58,048 Okay, then, maybe you know about the studies 1233 01:04:58,081 --> 01:05:00,585 using fMRI, brain scans, 1234 01:05:00,618 --> 01:05:02,486 where they say they can see a response, 1235 01:05:02,519 --> 01:05:05,355 or lack of response, in the brain. 1236 01:05:05,389 --> 01:05:06,990 There's actually less connections, 1237 01:05:07,024 --> 01:05:10,427 less matter in the prefrontal cortex and the amygdala. 1238 01:05:10,461 --> 01:05:12,396 - Jay, Jay... - No, please, wait. 1239 01:05:12,429 --> 01:05:13,430 I'm just... 1240 01:05:15,365 --> 01:05:16,400 Have you heard of mirror neurons? 1241 01:05:16,433 --> 01:05:18,235 Jesus, Jay, we're not qualified. 1242 01:05:18,268 --> 01:05:21,639 I'm not an expert, okay, but I'm trying... I think... 1243 01:05:23,140 --> 01:05:24,408 This could be helpful. 1244 01:05:24,441 --> 01:05:26,276 I don't know, the basic idea. 1245 01:05:26,310 --> 01:05:27,311 If we could have seen, 1246 01:05:27,344 --> 01:05:30,214 we could have been able to predict something. 1247 01:05:30,247 --> 01:05:31,114 You know, the doctors, 1248 01:05:31,148 --> 01:05:33,150 with these tests, what they can show... 1249 01:05:33,183 --> 01:05:34,218 I know. 1250 01:05:34,251 --> 01:05:35,587 They show certain pictures or words 1251 01:05:35,620 --> 01:05:37,020 that should generate a response, 1252 01:05:37,054 --> 01:05:38,121 an emotion or a feeling, 1253 01:05:38,155 --> 01:05:39,223 but they don't. 1254 01:05:39,256 --> 01:05:42,727 Exactly. And people diagnosed with psychopathy... 1255 01:05:42,760 --> 01:05:45,028 My son was empathetic. 1256 01:05:45,062 --> 01:05:46,764 He felt a great deal. 1257 01:05:46,798 --> 01:05:47,732 Well, maybe he was. 1258 01:05:47,765 --> 01:05:49,132 Maybe you didn't know what he was feeling. 1259 01:05:49,166 --> 01:05:50,334 Maybe he was hiding things. 1260 01:05:50,367 --> 01:05:52,469 My son was not a psychopath. 1261 01:05:52,503 --> 01:05:54,204 He was in terrible pain. 1262 01:05:54,238 --> 01:05:56,306 Maybe not treatable, right? 1263 01:05:56,340 --> 01:05:58,810 Because did anything ever work? 1264 01:05:58,843 --> 01:06:00,544 I mean, how many medication? Drugs? 1265 01:06:00,578 --> 01:06:03,280 I mean, if it's in the structure of the brain, 1266 01:06:03,313 --> 01:06:05,683 you know, then it's not just pathological, it's physical. 1267 01:06:05,717 --> 01:06:07,217 I understand what you want to say. 1268 01:06:07,251 --> 01:06:09,386 So that it's not high school, 1269 01:06:09,419 --> 01:06:11,522 middle school, moving, whatever. 1270 01:06:12,690 --> 01:06:13,791 It's him. 1271 01:06:17,562 --> 01:06:20,097 Do you remember Evan as a baby? 1272 01:06:23,601 --> 01:06:27,404 I feel Hayden as my baby every day. 1273 01:06:27,437 --> 01:06:29,172 His helplessness. 1274 01:06:29,206 --> 01:06:32,710 His crying, then his smile. 1275 01:06:34,111 --> 01:06:35,780 I don't believe in what you're saying. 1276 01:06:35,813 --> 01:06:38,683 Linda, something must have happened. 1277 01:06:38,716 --> 01:06:41,118 - There was no abuse. - Not just abuse. 1278 01:06:41,151 --> 01:06:43,621 Neglect? We were there whenever we could be. 1279 01:06:43,655 --> 01:06:46,123 And sometimes, you can't be. I know that. 1280 01:06:46,156 --> 01:06:49,761 But we have to correct their course 1281 01:06:49,794 --> 01:06:50,828 when we do have them. 1282 01:06:50,862 --> 01:06:52,262 So we failed. 1283 01:06:52,296 --> 01:06:54,364 I know that. 1284 01:06:54,398 --> 01:06:57,334 And I did everything to try to correct it. 1285 01:06:57,367 --> 01:07:00,170 And I'd give anything if I could be there with him. 1286 01:07:00,203 --> 01:07:01,238 You were there. 1287 01:07:01,271 --> 01:07:02,439 If I could have known. 1288 01:07:04,374 --> 01:07:05,577 But maybe nobody could have broken through. 1289 01:07:05,610 --> 01:07:06,678 Maybe he wasn't capable... 1290 01:07:06,711 --> 01:07:08,145 No! 1291 01:07:09,881 --> 01:07:13,818 Bipolar disorder, depression, mania, ADHD, 1292 01:07:13,851 --> 01:07:16,119 possible schizoaffective disorder. 1293 01:07:16,153 --> 01:07:17,387 None of that is psychopathy. 1294 01:07:17,421 --> 01:07:18,823 You don't know what you're talking about. 1295 01:07:18,856 --> 01:07:20,357 If you take the medical records 1296 01:07:20,390 --> 01:07:21,291 with the criminal report, 1297 01:07:21,325 --> 01:07:23,561 which, now finally we have the full report, 1298 01:07:23,595 --> 01:07:25,362 don't you have to weigh the evidence, 1299 01:07:25,395 --> 01:07:26,764 the facts of what he did, 1300 01:07:26,798 --> 01:07:28,833 against your personal relationship history with him? 1301 01:07:28,866 --> 01:07:30,802 He became those things. 1302 01:07:30,835 --> 01:07:32,670 He wasn't always those things. 1303 01:07:32,704 --> 01:07:34,538 Well, you can trace how far back 1304 01:07:34,572 --> 01:07:35,573 to when he started planning it. 1305 01:07:35,607 --> 01:07:37,541 We can trace his footsteps, for Christ's sake. 1306 01:07:37,575 --> 01:07:38,810 I don't think the timeline 1307 01:07:38,843 --> 01:07:40,143 definitively proves anything 1308 01:07:40,177 --> 01:07:41,244 about his mental state. 1309 01:07:41,278 --> 01:07:42,279 How can you say that? 1310 01:07:42,312 --> 01:07:45,415 We're not denying what he did or who he became. 1311 01:07:45,449 --> 01:07:47,785 Well, I can't help but hear you blame 1312 01:07:47,819 --> 01:07:49,721 a not abnormal child. 1313 01:07:49,754 --> 01:07:51,388 He was my son. 1314 01:07:51,421 --> 01:07:53,290 I can't remove my feelings 1315 01:07:53,323 --> 01:07:54,626 from our history or his records. 1316 01:07:54,659 --> 01:07:55,727 I'm not asking you to. 1317 01:07:55,760 --> 01:07:58,630 I'm saying that what he did, his capacity for murder, 1318 01:07:58,663 --> 01:08:01,799 was probably potentially there a long time 1319 01:08:01,833 --> 01:08:02,800 before anyone could have known. 1320 01:08:02,834 --> 01:08:04,936 You think you can attach one word to something 1321 01:08:04,969 --> 01:08:06,804 in order to understand it? 1322 01:08:06,838 --> 01:08:08,372 To make you feel safe? 1323 01:08:09,272 --> 01:08:10,842 Well, I won't say it. 1324 01:08:10,875 --> 01:08:11,909 I don't believe it. 1325 01:08:11,943 --> 01:08:13,343 It's not simple. 1326 01:08:13,377 --> 01:08:16,179 It's everything you cannot see. 1327 01:08:16,213 --> 01:08:18,448 And it left him helpless. He was helpless. 1328 01:08:18,482 --> 01:08:20,585 But it's our job to help. 1329 01:08:20,618 --> 01:08:22,720 That's our job. And at some point, 1330 01:08:22,754 --> 01:08:24,689 it doesn't matter whether or not you see the signs. 1331 01:08:24,722 --> 01:08:26,924 We still... It's still our obligation. 1332 01:08:26,958 --> 01:08:28,593 I said I failed. 1333 01:08:28,626 --> 01:08:31,663 Maybe you didn't know who you were dealing with. 1334 01:08:31,696 --> 01:08:33,865 Look, the report speaks for itself. 1335 01:08:33,898 --> 01:08:35,867 He was gone by then. He was. 1336 01:08:35,900 --> 01:08:37,769 I mean, the deliberate choices. 1337 01:08:37,802 --> 01:08:39,604 - He did not target. - What? 1338 01:08:39,637 --> 01:08:40,972 - What...? - What are you ta... What? 1339 01:08:41,005 --> 01:08:42,239 What difference does that make? 1340 01:08:42,272 --> 01:08:43,473 He would have said so. 1341 01:08:43,507 --> 01:08:45,409 What? Well, how is that better? 1342 01:08:45,442 --> 01:08:46,944 What? What do you mean, he did not target? 1343 01:08:46,978 --> 01:08:48,278 He never met any of them. 1344 01:08:48,311 --> 01:08:50,882 Jesus Christ. Oh, it was his school. 1345 01:08:50,915 --> 01:08:51,816 His students. 1346 01:08:51,849 --> 01:08:53,216 He'd never been in that classroom. 1347 01:08:53,250 --> 01:08:54,184 He wanted to kill them. 1348 01:08:54,217 --> 01:08:56,453 Those students, they weren't in his grade. 1349 01:08:56,486 --> 01:08:57,855 - Evan... - Don't. No, no, don't. 1350 01:08:57,889 --> 01:08:59,222 - I'm just saying... - Just don't. 1351 01:08:59,256 --> 01:09:00,692 - I'm just saying. - Well, don't. 1352 01:09:00,725 --> 01:09:02,325 - Okay. - He didn't know them. 1353 01:09:02,359 --> 01:09:04,796 - He wanted them to suffer. - Oh, Jay. 1354 01:09:04,829 --> 01:09:07,397 - But not... - What? 1355 01:09:07,431 --> 01:09:10,500 Intentionally? Is that what you were gonna say? 1356 01:09:10,534 --> 01:09:14,471 He didn't seek to make any one individual suffer. 1357 01:09:14,504 --> 01:09:17,875 Well, my son suffered. 1358 01:09:18,943 --> 01:09:21,713 Evan suffered so much, and he let him. 1359 01:09:21,746 --> 01:09:23,313 I'm sorry. Both of you. 1360 01:09:23,346 --> 01:09:24,882 - No... - I know what happened. 1361 01:09:24,916 --> 01:09:25,850 - Wait. - No, you don't. 1362 01:09:25,883 --> 01:09:28,418 He did the most awful thing I've ever known, 1363 01:09:28,452 --> 01:09:29,754 but I know the report. 1364 01:09:29,787 --> 01:09:33,256 No! You do not know how my son died! 1365 01:09:46,303 --> 01:09:47,471 God. 1366 01:09:52,777 --> 01:09:55,580 He entered Evan's classroom at 1:29 p.m. 1367 01:09:55,613 --> 01:09:58,381 He threw a bomb into the center of the desks. 1368 01:09:58,415 --> 01:09:59,650 He started shooting. 1369 01:09:59,684 --> 01:10:01,052 He stayed there for half a minute. 1370 01:10:01,085 --> 01:10:03,520 He could have killed them all. 1371 01:10:03,553 --> 01:10:06,991 He chose not to. He watched them. 1372 01:10:07,024 --> 01:10:09,426 They saw his face. They saw him looking. 1373 01:10:10,795 --> 01:10:12,029 He knew Evan was alive. 1374 01:10:12,063 --> 01:10:15,566 He knew exactly who was alive and who was dead when he left. 1375 01:10:15,600 --> 01:10:17,400 We could never see into that classroom. 1376 01:10:17,434 --> 01:10:19,604 No, he suffered. 1377 01:10:20,437 --> 01:10:22,974 Six minutes. 1378 01:10:23,007 --> 01:10:26,543 Six minutes later, he comes back, 1379 01:10:26,577 --> 01:10:28,445 your son, he retraces his steps. 1380 01:10:28,478 --> 01:10:29,647 He's in the hallway again. 1381 01:10:29,680 --> 01:10:34,384 1:35, he's come back to finish. 1382 01:10:34,417 --> 01:10:35,787 And Evan is there. 1383 01:10:36,621 --> 01:10:39,690 The last gunshot, 1:36, 1384 01:10:39,724 --> 01:10:41,525 goes into my son's... 1385 01:10:43,426 --> 01:10:44,528 neck. 1386 01:10:44,562 --> 01:10:45,730 Into his artery. 1387 01:10:45,763 --> 01:10:49,399 - Jay... - No. Six minutes. 1388 01:10:49,432 --> 01:10:51,903 He was alive. He was trying to get out. 1389 01:10:51,936 --> 01:10:55,072 The blood trails show where he was trying to... 1390 01:10:55,106 --> 01:10:56,473 - Jay, please stop. - No! 1391 01:10:56,506 --> 01:10:58,810 He came back. He was methodical. 1392 01:10:58,843 --> 01:11:01,545 He was looking. 1393 01:11:01,579 --> 01:11:02,680 And Evan... 1394 01:11:04,749 --> 01:11:06,383 ...was still alive. 1395 01:11:06,416 --> 01:11:07,417 I know. 1396 01:11:08,753 --> 01:11:11,454 You do not know. 1397 01:11:11,488 --> 01:11:12,790 I know! 1398 01:11:14,524 --> 01:11:16,459 I know. 1399 01:11:16,493 --> 01:11:20,665 The streaks on the floor. 1400 01:11:22,166 --> 01:11:25,603 The way he was crawling. 1401 01:11:25,636 --> 01:11:27,504 I know the wounds, 1402 01:11:28,739 --> 01:11:30,074 in what order. 1403 01:11:32,910 --> 01:11:34,612 How he fought. 1404 01:11:41,451 --> 01:11:42,854 And how he died. 1405 01:11:44,088 --> 01:11:45,089 Nah. 1406 01:11:54,665 --> 01:11:55,900 He died. 1407 01:12:18,656 --> 01:12:20,457 Now, please stop. 1408 01:12:22,693 --> 01:12:24,095 Please stop. 1409 01:12:54,759 --> 01:12:57,595 Caroline, Jonathan, and Tory were killed instantly 1410 01:12:57,628 --> 01:12:58,930 in the blast. 1411 01:12:59,830 --> 01:13:02,733 Daniel, shot three times, 1412 01:13:02,767 --> 01:13:05,202 twice in the lungs, once in the heart. 1413 01:13:05,236 --> 01:13:07,772 He died seated at his desk. 1414 01:13:09,740 --> 01:13:13,244 Juliana, shot twice in the leg, once in the knee, 1415 01:13:13,277 --> 01:13:15,478 once in the thigh, 1416 01:13:15,512 --> 01:13:16,847 the femoral artery. 1417 01:13:16,881 --> 01:13:18,849 What are you doing? 1418 01:13:18,883 --> 01:13:22,687 She lost her vision from the glass in her eyes. 1419 01:13:22,720 --> 01:13:25,923 She tried to crawl out of the classroom. 1420 01:13:25,957 --> 01:13:27,024 But she died before finding the way. 1421 01:13:27,058 --> 01:13:28,092 Okay. 1422 01:13:28,125 --> 01:13:31,095 Vanessa, shot four times, 1423 01:13:31,128 --> 01:13:32,997 twice in the abdomen, twice in the head. 1424 01:13:33,030 --> 01:13:35,032 We understand you know. 1425 01:13:35,066 --> 01:13:37,568 The victims, and the wounded. 1426 01:13:38,102 --> 01:13:39,637 I'm sorry. 1427 01:13:41,205 --> 01:13:42,974 But I do know. 1428 01:13:43,007 --> 01:13:44,875 All of them. 1429 01:13:45,943 --> 01:13:49,814 I know Evan, his story that day. 1430 01:13:51,315 --> 01:13:53,150 And I know Hayden's. 1431 01:13:54,585 --> 01:13:56,887 He did go back. 1432 01:13:56,921 --> 01:14:00,925 He was going to the library, where he wanted to die. 1433 01:14:00,958 --> 01:14:03,493 He told us, wrote to us in his notebook. 1434 01:14:04,829 --> 01:14:09,200 "That's where you'll find me. Where it's quiet for me." 1435 01:14:09,233 --> 01:14:13,904 Where, respectfully, 1436 01:14:13,938 --> 01:14:18,676 the last shot was at 1:41. 1437 01:14:19,310 --> 01:14:20,945 In the library. 1438 01:14:22,913 --> 01:14:25,082 People saw. Kids saw. 1439 01:14:26,917 --> 01:14:28,919 - Christopher... - Shot in the head. 1440 01:14:28,953 --> 01:14:30,688 I know. 1441 01:14:30,721 --> 01:14:31,956 My son. 1442 01:14:31,989 --> 01:14:34,725 Shot in the face, 1443 01:14:34,759 --> 01:14:39,030 hiding underneath the table, begging for his life. 1444 01:14:40,031 --> 01:14:42,033 That is what they said. 1445 01:14:43,134 --> 01:14:46,203 That's... That's not feeling. 1446 01:14:47,138 --> 01:14:49,040 - That is hate. - That's... 1447 01:14:50,174 --> 01:14:54,011 Disturbed? Hate? Rage? 1448 01:14:54,045 --> 01:14:56,747 - Hopelessness? - No, no, no. 1449 01:14:56,781 --> 01:15:00,217 Apathy, indifference. 1450 01:15:00,251 --> 01:15:04,321 - Cold, callous. - Evil? 1451 01:15:08,626 --> 01:15:10,094 Do you want to say? 1452 01:15:10,127 --> 01:15:11,896 Because I... 1453 01:15:13,230 --> 01:15:14,732 I won't. 1454 01:15:17,134 --> 01:15:18,302 I won't. 1455 01:15:18,335 --> 01:15:19,804 It doesn't matter. 1456 01:15:27,378 --> 01:15:29,613 We went to the school. Did you know that? 1457 01:15:33,250 --> 01:15:35,619 It was supposed to be for the victims' families, 1458 01:15:35,653 --> 01:15:40,057 and Hayden wouldn't be counted as a victim. 1459 01:15:41,092 --> 01:15:43,194 So we fought for that. 1460 01:15:44,261 --> 01:15:47,998 And we saw, we saw the damage. 1461 01:15:48,032 --> 01:15:50,835 The windows, the black stains. 1462 01:15:51,969 --> 01:15:53,838 We saw his hate. 1463 01:15:55,005 --> 01:15:57,741 - The lines. - What he did. What? 1464 01:15:58,242 --> 01:16:01,378 The lines or tape. 1465 01:16:01,412 --> 01:16:03,848 The outlines of the children. 1466 01:16:03,881 --> 01:16:06,383 - Mr. Moore. - Hmm. 1467 01:16:06,417 --> 01:16:08,285 The bodies. Yeah. 1468 01:16:11,956 --> 01:16:13,023 I was... 1469 01:16:16,127 --> 01:16:17,394 I didn't know you were allowed in. 1470 01:16:18,963 --> 01:16:21,799 Well, they kept that secret. They didn't want... 1471 01:16:21,832 --> 01:16:22,833 More outrage. 1472 01:16:25,002 --> 01:16:27,304 The world mourned 10. 1473 01:16:29,006 --> 01:16:30,841 We mourned 11. 1474 01:16:31,909 --> 01:16:34,145 There would be no memorials for 11. 1475 01:16:34,178 --> 01:16:38,849 No concerts reading 11 names, and I understood that, 1476 01:16:38,883 --> 01:16:43,020 but I would not be excluded from that too. 1477 01:16:45,990 --> 01:16:47,224 The damage, though... 1478 01:16:50,127 --> 01:16:51,328 How much... 1479 01:16:55,366 --> 01:16:56,834 He was in pain. 1480 01:16:58,335 --> 01:17:01,739 It was the pain that brought him there. 1481 01:17:07,778 --> 01:17:09,446 I didn't want another child. 1482 01:17:11,315 --> 01:17:12,316 But... 1483 01:17:15,119 --> 01:17:17,321 once he was born... 1484 01:17:22,059 --> 01:17:24,228 I loved Hayden so much. 1485 01:17:26,764 --> 01:17:30,334 But maybe... 1486 01:17:35,773 --> 01:17:37,975 Maybe he should never have been born. 1487 01:17:38,008 --> 01:17:39,009 No. 1488 01:17:40,511 --> 01:17:43,914 We should never have gone to the school. 1489 01:17:43,948 --> 01:17:49,420 I just remember this terrible feeling of awe, 1490 01:17:49,453 --> 01:17:53,457 just awe at what my boy had done. 1491 01:17:55,359 --> 01:18:00,798 And then a long, skinny frame outlined in the carpet. 1492 01:18:00,831 --> 01:18:02,099 All alone. 1493 01:18:03,500 --> 01:18:05,135 I knew it was him. 1494 01:18:05,169 --> 01:18:09,173 Not because of where it was or... 1495 01:18:09,206 --> 01:18:10,874 I just knew it was him. 1496 01:18:12,042 --> 01:18:13,911 I recognized Evan too. 1497 01:18:15,112 --> 01:18:16,747 Not because of the lines. 1498 01:18:17,915 --> 01:18:19,550 The number. 1499 01:18:19,584 --> 01:18:22,052 The number markers for the report. 1500 01:18:22,086 --> 01:18:23,153 Yeah. 1501 01:18:23,187 --> 01:18:24,488 He was number one. 1502 01:18:25,856 --> 01:18:27,458 I guess he was the first they found. 1503 01:18:30,160 --> 01:18:31,161 He was... 1504 01:18:35,199 --> 01:18:36,267 He was my... 1505 01:18:41,038 --> 01:18:42,206 That was hard. 1506 01:18:43,274 --> 01:18:44,775 It was. 1507 01:18:45,610 --> 01:18:50,848 But you know, and please forgive me, 1508 01:18:50,881 --> 01:18:53,150 it made me feel like the rest of you. 1509 01:18:59,957 --> 01:19:01,525 Some parent said, 1510 01:19:01,559 --> 01:19:03,595 I can't remember who, 1511 01:19:03,628 --> 01:19:08,399 said early on in a mean way, meant to be mean, 1512 01:19:10,267 --> 01:19:12,903 that you were the loneliest people in the world. 1513 01:19:15,973 --> 01:19:19,877 As if that was justice. As if... 1514 01:19:19,910 --> 01:19:21,879 Well, we were. 1515 01:19:21,912 --> 01:19:23,615 I still get mail. 1516 01:19:23,648 --> 01:19:27,518 Some hateful, some sympathetic. 1517 01:19:27,551 --> 01:19:30,254 Mostly just strange. 1518 01:19:30,287 --> 01:19:33,357 I can't say I understand the purpose of it, 1519 01:19:33,390 --> 01:19:37,061 but it only reminded me of what he had done. 1520 01:19:37,094 --> 01:19:43,200 And I was trying to restore my memory of... of who he was. 1521 01:19:44,902 --> 01:19:47,171 And that's what I have to do. 1522 01:19:47,672 --> 01:19:50,207 Do you understand? 1523 01:19:50,240 --> 01:19:52,943 You said he destroyed our lives. 1524 01:19:52,976 --> 01:19:54,345 Yes, he did. 1525 01:19:55,479 --> 01:19:57,181 And while I know the world 1526 01:19:57,214 --> 01:20:01,318 would have been better without him, 1527 01:20:03,287 --> 01:20:05,022 I can't say I would have been. 1528 01:20:05,055 --> 01:20:06,624 Oh, God. 1529 01:20:06,658 --> 01:20:09,093 I'm sorry. I know that's... 1530 01:20:09,126 --> 01:20:11,161 - No. - I shouldn't have said that. 1531 01:20:11,195 --> 01:20:13,297 It's just... It's just... 1532 01:20:14,231 --> 01:20:16,568 I thought I had to believe 1533 01:20:16,601 --> 01:20:19,236 that my son's life had no value 1534 01:20:19,269 --> 01:20:22,574 because of what he did before he died, 1535 01:20:22,607 --> 01:20:29,279 but I don't have to believe that, do I? 1536 01:20:31,081 --> 01:20:32,617 Or is that hard for you to hear? 1537 01:20:38,255 --> 01:20:39,323 I guess. 1538 01:20:40,524 --> 01:20:41,525 Yes, it is. 1539 01:20:45,396 --> 01:20:47,331 But I won't tell you how to keep your son. 1540 01:20:48,566 --> 01:20:49,967 No. I... 1541 01:20:53,738 --> 01:20:55,406 No, I don't know. I... 1542 01:20:56,574 --> 01:20:57,642 Yes, it is hard. 1543 01:20:57,675 --> 01:21:01,245 But, no, I think... 1544 01:21:02,312 --> 01:21:03,447 I think that's right. I... 1545 01:21:03,480 --> 01:21:05,516 God, I don't... I don't know. 1546 01:21:06,383 --> 01:21:07,619 That's okay. 1547 01:21:07,652 --> 01:21:10,120 I wouldn't ever expect you to feel that way. 1548 01:21:10,154 --> 01:21:12,657 No, no, that's not it. That's not it. 1549 01:21:12,690 --> 01:21:15,058 Not... Not your son. 1550 01:21:15,092 --> 01:21:16,160 Not 1551 01:21:17,327 --> 01:21:18,529 him. 1552 01:21:18,563 --> 01:21:19,597 It's... 1553 01:21:21,465 --> 01:21:22,966 value. 1554 01:21:24,168 --> 01:21:26,036 It's all of their values. 1555 01:21:28,606 --> 01:21:30,207 See, I... 1556 01:21:33,377 --> 01:21:36,947 I made a promise. I made a promise to him. 1557 01:21:37,715 --> 01:21:39,249 That I can't keep... 1558 01:21:39,283 --> 01:21:41,719 - Hey, honey. - No, it... Please. 1559 01:21:41,753 --> 01:21:44,321 What did you promise him? 1560 01:21:44,354 --> 01:21:50,294 I promised him that his life would mean something, 1561 01:21:51,563 --> 01:21:54,198 that it wouldn't be in vain. 1562 01:21:54,231 --> 01:21:56,366 That because of him, all of them, 1563 01:21:57,702 --> 01:22:01,171 things would change, you know? 1564 01:22:02,339 --> 01:22:04,341 But nothing's changed. Nothing. 1565 01:22:05,542 --> 01:22:08,412 The only difference is that they're gone. 1566 01:22:08,445 --> 01:22:12,149 And that's all I hear. Still. All those parents. 1567 01:22:12,182 --> 01:22:15,452 The last of us in that firehouse, 1568 01:22:15,486 --> 01:22:19,557 the loneliest people in the world, asking, 1569 01:22:19,591 --> 01:22:22,226 "What do you mean, they're gone? 1570 01:22:22,259 --> 01:22:23,494 "Gone where? 1571 01:22:24,596 --> 01:22:26,363 "Where have they gone?" 1572 01:22:28,131 --> 01:22:34,137 So... you talk about value, their lives having value, 1573 01:22:34,171 --> 01:22:37,040 and that's all I want. 1574 01:22:37,074 --> 01:22:39,409 I just want it to mean something. I just... 1575 01:22:41,278 --> 01:22:43,113 I just... I want it to change. 1576 01:22:45,249 --> 01:22:46,350 Why does it have to change? 1577 01:22:46,383 --> 01:22:47,551 What? 1578 01:22:50,187 --> 01:22:52,289 Can you tell me a story about Evan? 1579 01:22:53,490 --> 01:22:55,492 What? 1580 01:22:55,526 --> 01:22:58,763 Please? Can you tell me a story about him? 1581 01:23:00,197 --> 01:23:01,265 Now? 1582 01:23:01,298 --> 01:23:03,200 Yeah. 1583 01:23:03,233 --> 01:23:07,237 Jay... I don't know. There's so many. 1584 01:23:07,271 --> 01:23:09,540 Doesn't matter. Just don't think about it. 1585 01:23:09,574 --> 01:23:12,075 - Just tell me one. - Jay... 1586 01:23:14,579 --> 01:23:17,180 - No, come, come... - It's okay. It's okay, honey. 1587 01:23:17,214 --> 01:23:18,716 - Go on. - No, come here. 1588 01:23:18,750 --> 01:23:20,718 - Come, come here. - Okay. 1589 01:23:20,752 --> 01:23:22,519 - Come. - Okay, okay. 1590 01:23:23,888 --> 01:23:26,056 - Oh, Jesus. - I got you. 1591 01:23:27,859 --> 01:23:31,295 Okay. Okay, okay. Okay. I see, um... 1592 01:23:32,162 --> 01:23:34,799 Oh... let me think. 1593 01:23:35,633 --> 01:23:36,634 Oh. 1594 01:23:39,571 --> 01:23:42,072 He's 12 years old, I think. 1595 01:23:43,206 --> 01:23:44,576 He's 12 years old. 1596 01:23:44,609 --> 01:23:45,710 Um... 1597 01:23:45,743 --> 01:23:47,311 Sixth grade? 1598 01:23:47,344 --> 01:23:50,815 I don't know. He's young, and... 1599 01:23:50,848 --> 01:23:54,318 It's fall. He's... 1600 01:23:54,351 --> 01:23:59,489 He's playing football with his friends in the park, 1601 01:24:00,490 --> 01:24:02,560 near our house. It's... 1602 01:24:02,594 --> 01:24:05,730 He used to play in the park near our house. It's, um... 1603 01:24:05,763 --> 01:24:07,565 On Sundays, you know. 1604 01:24:08,833 --> 01:24:12,369 Just a few blocks from our home. 1605 01:24:12,402 --> 01:24:14,438 But we had a dinner to go to. 1606 01:24:15,339 --> 01:24:17,174 Jay's parents were visiting. 1607 01:24:18,542 --> 01:24:22,614 So I said to him, "Do not get too dirty, 1608 01:24:22,647 --> 01:24:25,515 "because we've got to leave the house by 5:00." 1609 01:24:25,549 --> 01:24:27,451 And he said, "Mom, 1610 01:24:27,484 --> 01:24:29,887 "the dirtier you are, the better you are. 1611 01:24:29,921 --> 01:24:31,723 "That's how you spot 1612 01:24:31,756 --> 01:24:33,591 "the best players on the team. 1613 01:24:33,625 --> 01:24:35,158 "They're the ones with the grass 1614 01:24:35,192 --> 01:24:37,294 "and the stains on their jerseys." 1615 01:24:37,862 --> 01:24:39,931 And I said... 1616 01:24:39,964 --> 01:24:41,431 I... 1617 01:24:41,465 --> 01:24:43,400 He was so funny. 1618 01:24:43,433 --> 01:24:49,607 I said, "But shouldn't the good players not be tackled 1619 01:24:49,641 --> 01:24:51,909 "and fall on the ground so much?" 1620 01:24:51,943 --> 01:24:58,415 "No, Mom, the dirtier you are, the better you are." 1621 01:25:01,686 --> 01:25:03,153 "Okay." 1622 01:25:04,521 --> 01:25:07,692 You know, he was like that about everything, 1623 01:25:07,725 --> 01:25:09,927 such strong opinions, 1624 01:25:09,961 --> 01:25:11,763 even if he didn't know anything 1625 01:25:11,796 --> 01:25:13,731 about what he was talking about. 1626 01:25:13,765 --> 01:25:15,399 Thank you. 1627 01:25:15,432 --> 01:25:16,433 So... 1628 01:25:17,635 --> 01:25:20,404 So it's 5:00, or it's about to be. 1629 01:25:20,437 --> 01:25:23,708 It's almost 5:00, and he's still not back, 1630 01:25:23,741 --> 01:25:27,344 and I'm about to just go down there and grab him, 1631 01:25:27,377 --> 01:25:29,279 and drag him back, 1632 01:25:29,312 --> 01:25:32,249 when Sophie comes in the door. 1633 01:25:32,282 --> 01:25:34,451 She followed Evan everywhere back then. 1634 01:25:34,484 --> 01:25:38,556 She loved watching the boys playing, goof around. 1635 01:25:38,589 --> 01:25:40,992 So she burst in and she says, 1636 01:25:41,025 --> 01:25:46,564 "Mom, oh, my gosh. Mom. Look at Evan." 1637 01:25:46,597 --> 01:25:49,399 So I come around the corner, and I see him, 1638 01:25:49,433 --> 01:25:55,472 and he is covered, head to toe, in mud. 1639 01:25:55,505 --> 01:25:57,709 - It was absurd. - It was. 1640 01:25:57,742 --> 01:26:01,813 It was like he covered himself, like a mud bath. 1641 01:26:01,846 --> 01:26:04,381 It just didn't really even make sense even, 1642 01:26:04,414 --> 01:26:06,617 and I was... I lost it. 1643 01:26:06,651 --> 01:26:09,854 "Evan. What have you done?" 1644 01:26:09,887 --> 01:26:11,521 He was completely unfazed. 1645 01:26:11,556 --> 01:26:13,791 Yeah. Right? 1646 01:26:13,825 --> 01:26:15,225 He played it cool. 1647 01:26:16,359 --> 01:26:20,732 "Mom, I told you, the best players are the dirtiest." 1648 01:26:21,933 --> 01:26:23,233 He was... 1649 01:26:23,901 --> 01:26:25,435 You know? 1650 01:26:26,571 --> 01:26:28,305 I was so mad. 1651 01:26:30,041 --> 01:26:31,843 But then I was laughing. 1652 01:26:34,946 --> 01:26:36,379 And holding him, 1653 01:26:38,850 --> 01:26:41,018 and the dirt, 1654 01:26:41,052 --> 01:26:42,552 the grass. 1655 01:26:44,789 --> 01:26:46,691 That smell of him. 1656 01:26:48,492 --> 01:26:50,260 Wet leaves. 1657 01:26:52,362 --> 01:26:54,031 The child on him. 1658 01:26:56,768 --> 01:26:59,436 I could feel so much life. 1659 01:27:02,840 --> 01:27:04,776 We let him go to dinner that way. 1660 01:27:04,809 --> 01:27:07,011 - He washed his face. - Well, yeah. But... 1661 01:27:09,914 --> 01:27:12,282 He was so proud. 1662 01:27:18,689 --> 01:27:20,691 That's what his life meant. 1663 01:27:22,827 --> 01:27:24,028 Let him rest. 1664 01:27:25,696 --> 01:27:28,699 Evan doesn't have to change the world. 1665 01:27:28,733 --> 01:27:31,803 But I still miss him. 1666 01:27:39,376 --> 01:27:42,880 Do you remember what you wrote to me? 1667 01:27:42,914 --> 01:27:44,882 Oh, God. 1668 01:27:44,916 --> 01:27:47,317 I wrote you way too much. 1669 01:27:48,719 --> 01:27:50,320 You wrote to me, 1670 01:27:52,123 --> 01:27:54,491 "I want you to know my son. 1671 01:27:56,526 --> 01:27:58,328 "I want you to know his name." 1672 01:27:59,797 --> 01:28:00,798 Yeah. 1673 01:28:04,969 --> 01:28:06,503 Do you have a story? 1674 01:28:08,739 --> 01:28:09,774 Oh, God. 1675 01:28:09,807 --> 01:28:11,042 I, uh... 1676 01:28:12,043 --> 01:28:13,476 All of them. 1677 01:28:14,879 --> 01:28:16,446 I... 1678 01:28:16,479 --> 01:28:19,516 Let's just preserve them. Okay? 1679 01:28:21,152 --> 01:28:22,854 Jay. 1680 01:28:22,887 --> 01:28:24,622 Yeah? 1681 01:28:24,655 --> 01:28:26,824 I think I need to... 1682 01:28:26,858 --> 01:28:27,859 What? 1683 01:28:28,559 --> 01:28:30,027 I think I'm ready. 1684 01:28:33,164 --> 01:28:34,531 Okay. 1685 01:28:38,435 --> 01:28:40,037 I need to tell you... 1686 01:28:43,207 --> 01:28:47,144 I wanted so, so badly 1687 01:28:47,178 --> 01:28:51,616 for you to be an example or punished. 1688 01:28:51,649 --> 01:28:54,151 I came here wanting that. 1689 01:28:54,185 --> 01:28:59,522 But something's died in all of us, all of us. 1690 01:28:59,557 --> 01:29:02,960 And I'm so scared that what I wanted, 1691 01:29:02,994 --> 01:29:06,496 what I need, isn't what I thought. 1692 01:29:07,064 --> 01:29:09,634 What did you think? 1693 01:29:09,667 --> 01:29:13,905 That if I forgave you, I'd lose him. 1694 01:29:14,205 --> 01:29:16,439 Oh. No. 1695 01:29:16,473 --> 01:29:17,875 Yes. 1696 01:29:17,909 --> 01:29:20,543 But maybe I just needed to be with you. 1697 01:29:21,145 --> 01:29:23,513 Because I know now. I... 1698 01:29:24,949 --> 01:29:26,851 I forgive you. 1699 01:29:29,086 --> 01:29:30,588 I do. 1700 01:29:32,189 --> 01:29:34,424 I have. I forgive you. 1701 01:29:35,059 --> 01:29:38,930 And I have to tell you... 1702 01:29:39,931 --> 01:29:41,799 I have to tell you... 1703 01:29:44,235 --> 01:29:46,137 I also forgive Hayden 1704 01:29:47,838 --> 01:29:52,743 for what he did, for taking my baby's life. 1705 01:29:52,777 --> 01:29:57,114 Because I know, in my heart, he was lost. 1706 01:29:58,249 --> 01:30:00,618 So I do... I forgive him. 1707 01:30:02,586 --> 01:30:04,689 Because I can't live this way anymore. 1708 01:30:04,722 --> 01:30:07,825 - Sweetheart. - No, I can't. We can't. 1709 01:30:07,858 --> 01:30:09,660 - Okay. - We don't sleep. 1710 01:30:09,694 --> 01:30:11,162 We don't breathe. 1711 01:30:11,195 --> 01:30:12,997 We don't see each other anymore, 1712 01:30:13,030 --> 01:30:15,465 and I want to. I want to. 1713 01:30:15,967 --> 01:30:17,168 - Okay? - Yeah. 1714 01:30:17,201 --> 01:30:19,236 Because I can't hold on to this any longer. 1715 01:30:19,270 --> 01:30:22,807 I can't. It's not him. It's not. 1716 01:30:22,840 --> 01:30:25,977 It's just this terrible pain 1717 01:30:26,010 --> 01:30:28,779 for wishing for a different past, 1718 01:30:28,813 --> 01:30:32,783 and I can't let it control my life anymore, 1719 01:30:32,817 --> 01:30:35,686 because if I do, I'm afraid I'll never see him again. 1720 01:30:36,287 --> 01:30:38,521 And I need to. 1721 01:30:38,556 --> 01:30:40,858 I know that I will. I know I'll see him. 1722 01:30:40,891 --> 01:30:44,628 I know I'll hold him against me, if I could just forgive. 1723 01:30:44,662 --> 01:30:46,764 If I can love again. 1724 01:30:46,797 --> 01:30:47,932 So I do. 1725 01:30:49,233 --> 01:30:50,533 I do. 1726 01:31:26,704 --> 01:31:28,172 Maybe this is right. 1727 01:31:30,007 --> 01:31:31,842 This moment of silence. 1728 01:31:34,712 --> 01:31:37,048 Maybe this is the right way to say goodbye. 1729 01:31:42,720 --> 01:31:43,821 Yeah. 1730 01:31:45,222 --> 01:31:46,791 I like that. 1731 01:31:54,165 --> 01:31:55,766 Do you want to...? 1732 01:31:55,800 --> 01:31:57,234 Maybe we could do a little, uh...? 1733 01:31:59,036 --> 01:32:00,171 Yeah. 1734 01:32:17,054 --> 01:32:18,589 Mmm. 1735 01:33:26,190 --> 01:33:27,191 Well... 1736 01:33:29,460 --> 01:33:31,262 I hope we were able to help. 1737 01:33:33,464 --> 01:33:35,099 Thanks. 1738 01:33:37,902 --> 01:33:40,905 I mean, is... Is that it? 1739 01:33:40,938 --> 01:33:44,341 I think so. I'm exhausted. 1740 01:33:45,910 --> 01:33:49,146 Well, I guess, uh... You know... 1741 01:33:49,180 --> 01:33:51,749 We can always speak again. 1742 01:33:51,782 --> 01:33:53,117 - Sure. - Right? 1743 01:33:53,150 --> 01:33:55,019 Of course. 1744 01:33:55,052 --> 01:33:57,054 Thank you so much for bringing your pictures. 1745 01:33:57,087 --> 01:34:00,090 Oh, no, of course. Thank you. 1746 01:34:00,958 --> 01:34:02,793 Thank you for the flowers. 1747 01:34:02,826 --> 01:34:03,727 You're welcome. 1748 01:34:03,761 --> 01:34:05,129 Will they be able to travel? The flowers? 1749 01:34:05,162 --> 01:34:06,330 I don't want you to have to... 1750 01:34:06,363 --> 01:34:07,464 Oh, no. We'll manage. 1751 01:34:07,498 --> 01:34:08,799 Yeah, sure. 1752 01:34:08,832 --> 01:34:10,034 Well... 1753 01:34:10,067 --> 01:34:12,469 Uh, maybe Kendra can get you a box or something. 1754 01:34:12,503 --> 01:34:13,470 I don't want you to have to... 1755 01:34:13,504 --> 01:34:14,505 I'm so sorry. I should have thought of that. 1756 01:34:14,538 --> 01:34:16,840 No, no. It's... We could just carry them, right? 1757 01:34:16,874 --> 01:34:18,809 Yeah. Or just the woman that works here, 1758 01:34:18,842 --> 01:34:20,377 she may be able to find something. 1759 01:34:20,411 --> 01:34:22,012 Oh. I don't think I've met her. 1760 01:34:22,046 --> 01:34:23,414 - Let me go see. - Ah. 1761 01:34:23,447 --> 01:34:26,417 I don't know what I was thinking. I'm sorry. 1762 01:34:26,450 --> 01:34:27,885 - Silly of me. - It's fine. 1763 01:34:34,058 --> 01:34:34,925 Does anybody want... 1764 01:34:34,959 --> 01:34:36,760 You want a water bottle for the road? 1765 01:34:36,794 --> 01:34:38,362 Oh, thank you. I'm all set. 1766 01:34:39,129 --> 01:34:40,965 They have coffee. 1767 01:34:40,998 --> 01:34:42,499 You want a coffee? 1768 01:34:42,533 --> 01:34:46,103 - Nah. - All right. Okay. 1769 01:34:46,136 --> 01:34:48,973 I think I'll just see if I can give him a hand. 1770 01:34:49,006 --> 01:34:50,374 Sure. 1771 01:34:53,444 --> 01:34:54,445 Okay. 1772 01:34:55,913 --> 01:34:57,281 I will see you out front then. 1773 01:34:57,314 --> 01:34:58,749 - Yeah. - Okay. 1774 01:35:03,821 --> 01:35:05,122 Hi, Linda. 1775 01:35:05,155 --> 01:35:06,924 Hello. 1776 01:35:06,957 --> 01:35:08,459 Hmm. 1777 01:35:08,492 --> 01:35:11,328 I'll be right back. I've got the flowers. 1778 01:35:11,362 --> 01:35:13,430 - And then... - Mmm-hmm. 1779 01:35:16,834 --> 01:35:18,802 - Should we, uh...? - Yeah. 1780 01:35:19,937 --> 01:35:20,971 I'll be right there. 1781 01:36:30,140 --> 01:36:31,609 Do you have newspaper? 1782 01:36:31,643 --> 01:36:34,044 Yeah, please don't go to any trouble. 1783 01:36:34,078 --> 01:36:36,313 I'm so sorry. I should have thought of that. 1784 01:36:36,347 --> 01:36:38,115 They brought the new hymnal books in a box. 1785 01:36:38,148 --> 01:36:39,917 Oh, yes, that's a great idea. 1786 01:36:39,950 --> 01:36:41,352 - Thank you. - Oh, of course. 1787 01:36:41,385 --> 01:36:43,020 I'm going to go check downstairs 1788 01:36:43,053 --> 01:36:44,388 to see if there's something else. 1789 01:36:44,421 --> 01:36:46,490 - Thank you, guys. - Okay. 1790 01:36:53,030 --> 01:36:55,032 - Well... - I guess we're waiting for, 1791 01:36:55,065 --> 01:36:56,934 - uh... - Yeah. 1792 01:37:00,938 --> 01:37:03,907 Um, well, thank you both for today, 1793 01:37:03,941 --> 01:37:05,175 and Kendra, of course. 1794 01:37:05,209 --> 01:37:07,010 Oh, it was my pleasure. 1795 01:37:11,382 --> 01:37:13,317 If you don't mind, I should go. 1796 01:37:15,085 --> 01:37:17,020 Oh, sure, you know... 1797 01:37:17,054 --> 01:37:18,690 Linda, I should really get back. 1798 01:37:18,723 --> 01:37:20,658 Okay. 1799 01:37:20,692 --> 01:37:22,426 I can walk back without you if you... 1800 01:37:22,459 --> 01:37:23,961 No, no, no, I can... 1801 01:37:23,994 --> 01:37:25,195 - I can go with you. - All right. Okay. 1802 01:37:25,229 --> 01:37:27,632 We walked here together earlier. 1803 01:37:30,568 --> 01:37:32,002 It was, um... 1804 01:37:41,713 --> 01:37:43,080 Please take good care of yourselves. 1805 01:37:43,113 --> 01:37:44,915 - Thank you. - And you, Richard. 1806 01:37:49,420 --> 01:37:51,689 - We're gonna stay, right? - Yeah. 1807 01:37:51,723 --> 01:37:54,191 We're always here. I mean... 1808 01:37:55,259 --> 01:37:56,960 Just stay in touch. 1809 01:37:59,129 --> 01:38:00,197 Good. 1810 01:38:05,235 --> 01:38:06,937 It's nice to see you again. 1811 01:38:12,777 --> 01:38:14,278 Take care. 1812 01:38:23,520 --> 01:38:25,389 Uh, it's easier if you guys 1813 01:38:25,422 --> 01:38:27,391 would come down here, maybe, with the flowers? 1814 01:38:27,424 --> 01:38:29,561 Yeah, sure. Good idea. 1815 01:38:54,384 --> 01:38:56,654 I think that this might be the right one. 1816 01:38:56,688 --> 01:38:58,422 If we just put a little bit of newspaper in it. 1817 01:38:58,455 --> 01:38:59,490 Fine. Sure. Don't trouble yourself. 1818 01:38:59,523 --> 01:39:00,592 Okay. 1819 01:39:00,625 --> 01:39:02,392 Um. Hi. 1820 01:39:02,426 --> 01:39:04,394 Oh, did they... Did they leave? 1821 01:39:04,428 --> 01:39:05,763 Yeah, they left, but thank you. 1822 01:39:05,797 --> 01:39:06,631 Oh. 1823 01:39:06,664 --> 01:39:08,532 They're a gift, they're ours, so... 1824 01:39:08,566 --> 01:39:10,768 I was just hoping to say goodbye, is all. 1825 01:39:10,802 --> 01:39:12,570 I didn't even introduce myself to them. 1826 01:39:12,604 --> 01:39:13,638 - It's okay. - Don't worry about it. 1827 01:39:13,671 --> 01:39:16,073 - I'm sure it's fine. - Yeah... No, I should have. 1828 01:39:16,106 --> 01:39:17,508 That's... That's fine. 1829 01:39:17,541 --> 01:39:21,445 Thanks so much for giving us the space and for having us. 1830 01:39:21,478 --> 01:39:23,313 - It's really very... - It's healing here. 1831 01:39:23,347 --> 01:39:26,550 It really is. It's safe here. 1832 01:39:26,584 --> 01:39:28,018 Wherever you come from. 1833 01:39:29,587 --> 01:39:31,455 So, I think we can put it in here 1834 01:39:31,488 --> 01:39:32,590 if we just put a little bit of newspaper. 1835 01:39:32,624 --> 01:39:34,324 - Judy? - Yeah? 1836 01:39:37,094 --> 01:39:38,195 Pardon me. Uh, 1837 01:39:38,228 --> 01:39:40,264 they're bringing the rest of the books to St. Thomas. 1838 01:39:40,297 --> 01:39:43,735 - So they need the boxes. - Oh, okay. Okay. 1839 01:39:43,768 --> 01:39:44,669 Honestly... 1840 01:39:44,702 --> 01:39:46,136 But can't we just use newspaper in here? 1841 01:39:46,169 --> 01:39:47,005 I would use bubble wrap. 1842 01:39:47,037 --> 01:39:48,338 - I don't think... - I really... 1843 01:39:48,372 --> 01:39:49,607 I don't want you to bother. 1844 01:39:49,641 --> 01:39:51,208 No, I can pack it. It's easy. 1845 01:39:51,241 --> 01:39:52,710 Just use a little bit of newspaper in it. 1846 01:39:52,744 --> 01:39:54,211 Well, how much newspaper do you have? 1847 01:39:54,244 --> 01:39:56,547 You know what? I'm just gonna hold on to them. 1848 01:39:56,581 --> 01:39:59,082 - I want to. Yeah. - Are you sure? 1849 01:39:59,116 --> 01:40:00,585 I am. I think it'll be nice. 1850 01:40:00,618 --> 01:40:03,120 - Okay. I'm sorry. - Well... 1851 01:40:03,153 --> 01:40:04,789 So, it was very nice to meet you both. 1852 01:40:04,822 --> 01:40:06,156 - Oh. - Um, 1853 01:40:06,189 --> 01:40:07,725 thank you for everything and... 1854 01:40:16,801 --> 01:40:19,637 I have a story I want to tell you. 1855 01:40:19,671 --> 01:40:21,104 Oh, okay. 1856 01:40:22,874 --> 01:40:24,676 I want to hear it. 1857 01:40:28,178 --> 01:40:29,413 He was 16. 1858 01:40:30,815 --> 01:40:32,482 He'd had such a bad week. 1859 01:40:33,618 --> 01:40:35,419 I felt so badly for him. 1860 01:40:37,254 --> 01:40:38,856 How cruel kids could be. 1861 01:40:40,558 --> 01:40:42,860 But I couldn't just let him fall apart. 1862 01:40:42,894 --> 01:40:44,094 No. 1863 01:40:45,429 --> 01:40:47,464 We were alone. 1864 01:40:47,497 --> 01:40:49,834 Richard was working late. 1865 01:40:49,867 --> 01:40:52,604 I made dinner, but he wouldn't eat. 1866 01:40:54,739 --> 01:40:57,609 I tried to talk to him, but he wouldn't talk. 1867 01:40:58,843 --> 01:41:04,214 I went to his room. He was on the computer. 1868 01:41:04,247 --> 01:41:09,319 I yelled at him, "You have to start working. 1869 01:41:09,353 --> 01:41:13,290 "If you can't be happy, at least you can do well." 1870 01:41:14,726 --> 01:41:19,429 He screamed at me, "I don't want to be happy. 1871 01:41:20,397 --> 01:41:22,132 "I don't want to do well." 1872 01:41:23,467 --> 01:41:25,535 "Why?" I yelled. 1873 01:41:25,570 --> 01:41:27,504 "Why?" 1874 01:41:27,537 --> 01:41:29,674 Then we were screaming at each other. 1875 01:41:30,742 --> 01:41:34,679 We were both... so hurt. 1876 01:41:40,484 --> 01:41:42,185 And we were afraid. 1877 01:41:42,219 --> 01:41:43,286 I know that. 1878 01:41:45,623 --> 01:41:47,692 It happened very quickly. 1879 01:41:47,725 --> 01:41:50,928 But then he said, "Get out before I hit you. 1880 01:41:50,962 --> 01:41:53,665 "Get out before I beat the shit out of you." 1881 01:41:53,698 --> 01:41:55,566 I swear to God... 1882 01:41:56,466 --> 01:42:00,203 He was... terrifying. 1883 01:42:02,707 --> 01:42:04,207 I went to my room... 1884 01:42:06,543 --> 01:42:07,812 and I locked the door. 1885 01:42:11,015 --> 01:42:12,215 Gail... 1886 01:42:19,523 --> 01:42:20,858 I wish I had let him. 1887 01:42:23,260 --> 01:42:27,865 I wish I had said, "Okay, hit me. 1888 01:42:27,899 --> 01:42:29,600 "You hit me, sweetheart. 1889 01:42:31,468 --> 01:42:35,205 "Hit me for as long as you'll ever need." 1890 01:42:37,775 --> 01:42:40,978 Because then I would have known him. 1891 01:42:41,012 --> 01:42:44,582 I would have known who he really was. 1892 01:42:47,551 --> 01:42:48,753 It's okay. 1893 01:43:06,771 --> 01:43:08,271 Mine's a... 1894 01:43:11,408 --> 01:43:14,277 Mine's a... 1895 01:43:14,311 --> 01:43:15,713 different kind of story but... 1896 01:43:15,747 --> 01:43:16,881 No. 1897 01:43:16,914 --> 01:43:18,583 We miss them. 1898 01:43:20,752 --> 01:43:24,756 - I wanted to tell a story too. - I know. 1899 01:43:25,522 --> 01:43:27,257 I'm sorry I didn't ask. 1900 01:43:28,926 --> 01:43:30,260 Thank you. 1901 01:43:36,868 --> 01:43:38,268 Thank you. 1902 01:44:04,028 --> 01:44:05,395 We should... 1903 01:44:06,130 --> 01:44:07,632 Should we, uh...? 1904 01:44:08,966 --> 01:44:11,836 I thought we'd let them go. 1905 01:44:11,869 --> 01:44:13,436 That's a good idea. 1906 01:44:28,920 --> 01:44:29,987 What is that? 1907 01:44:31,421 --> 01:44:32,657 Sorry. 1908 01:44:33,925 --> 01:44:35,358 Is that coming from...? 1909 01:44:35,392 --> 01:44:37,527 Yeah, they're, um, practicing 1910 01:44:37,562 --> 01:44:39,362 for the choir tomorrow. 1911 01:44:39,396 --> 01:44:40,798 I... I forgot. 1912 01:44:43,668 --> 01:44:45,736 Did we tell them? 1913 01:44:45,770 --> 01:44:49,006 I told you this morning they were rehearsing today. 1914 01:44:49,040 --> 01:44:50,340 Did you? 1915 01:44:51,676 --> 01:44:53,077 I'm sorry. 1916 01:44:53,110 --> 01:44:56,113 Don't be. It's... It's nice. 1917 01:44:56,147 --> 01:44:59,549 Yeah, they're, um, rehearsing for tomorrow. 1918 01:45:01,085 --> 01:45:02,419 Hear that? 1919 01:45:03,688 --> 01:45:04,922 They're singing. 1920 01:45:21,706 --> 01:45:23,641 Do you want to go up and see? 1921 01:45:25,877 --> 01:45:31,849 Blessed be the tie that binds 1922 01:45:31,883 --> 01:45:37,755 Our hearts in Christian love 1923 01:45:37,788 --> 01:45:41,659 The fellowship 1924 01:45:41,692 --> 01:45:45,796 Of kindred minds 1925 01:45:45,830 --> 01:45:48,733 No. That's all right. 1926 01:45:48,766 --> 01:45:52,103 Is like that to that above 1927 01:45:54,939 --> 01:46:01,946 Before our Father's throne 1928 01:46:01,979 --> 01:46:09,587 We pour our ardent prayers 1929 01:46:09,620 --> 01:46:13,925 Our fears, our hopes 1930 01:46:13,958 --> 01:46:18,596 Our aims are one 1931 01:46:18,629 --> 01:46:21,832 Our comforts 1932 01:46:21,866 --> 01:46:27,537 And our cares 1933 01:46:27,571 --> 01:46:34,912 When we asunder part 1934 01:46:34,946 --> 01:46:42,620 It gives us inward pain 1935 01:46:42,653 --> 01:46:49,160 But we shall still be joined 1936 01:46:49,193 --> 01:46:51,629 In heart 1937 01:46:51,662 --> 01:46:58,636 And hope to meet again 1938 01:47:44,131 --> 01:47:49,131 Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull 134708

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