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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,102 --> 00:00:02,477 Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull 2 00:00:02,560 --> 00:00:03,761 ♪ MTV. ♪ 3 00:00:09,700 --> 00:00:14,038 NARRATOR: And now, a Paramount Plus made-for-TV movie. 4 00:00:14,105 --> 00:00:18,109 "It's not a movie... it's a made-for-TV movie." 5 00:00:19,010 --> 00:00:21,345 ♪ ♪ 6 00:00:21,412 --> 00:00:23,281 NARRATOR: From the green hills of Vermont 7 00:00:23,347 --> 00:00:25,449 to the verdant canyons of Arizona, 8 00:00:25,516 --> 00:00:28,519 people all over the country are beginning to realize 9 00:00:28,586 --> 00:00:30,388 it's nearly over! 10 00:00:30,454 --> 00:00:34,558 We have almost beaten COVID and the best news of all: 11 00:00:37,428 --> 00:00:39,497 Infections are at an all-time low. 12 00:00:39,563 --> 00:00:42,233 New, stronger vaccinations have ebbed the tide. 13 00:00:42,300 --> 00:00:44,468 And we humans are cleaning up the mess 14 00:00:44,535 --> 00:00:46,904 and finally getting on with our lives. 15 00:00:46,971 --> 00:00:50,207 But as we start to get back to our jobs and schools, 16 00:00:50,274 --> 00:00:52,009 one question remains: 17 00:00:52,076 --> 00:00:55,813 What lingering effects will the pandemic have on children? 18 00:00:55,880 --> 00:00:59,517 Some say no effect at all. The children are just fine. 19 00:00:59,583 --> 00:01:01,185 - (chiming) - We came together 20 00:01:01,252 --> 00:01:02,687 and finally we can say, we are starting to 21 00:01:02,753 --> 00:01:04,755 - win the war against COVID. - WOMAN: Stan? 22 00:01:04,822 --> 00:01:06,757 Stan, the phone's for you! 23 00:01:06,824 --> 00:01:08,392 Stan! 24 00:01:08,459 --> 00:01:10,861 What?! 25 00:01:10,928 --> 00:01:12,897 Could you not hear me? 26 00:01:12,964 --> 00:01:15,199 Yeah, dude, but I'm busy working. 27 00:01:15,266 --> 00:01:17,034 Working on getting drunk again. 28 00:01:17,101 --> 00:01:18,569 I'm not "getting drunk," 29 00:01:18,636 --> 00:01:20,604 I'm an online whiskey consultant. 30 00:01:20,671 --> 00:01:21,939 I'm doing research. 31 00:01:22,006 --> 00:01:24,008 Everyone needs to leave me alone. 32 00:01:24,075 --> 00:01:26,043 The guy on the phone said it's important. 33 00:01:26,110 --> 00:01:29,246 He said his name is Kyle Broflovski. 34 00:01:30,348 --> 00:01:31,615 Kyle? 35 00:01:34,318 --> 00:01:36,253 - Hello? - KYLE: Oh, hi. 36 00:01:36,320 --> 00:01:39,924 Is this Stan Marsh, from South Park? 37 00:01:39,991 --> 00:01:42,593 - Kyle? - Oh, dude, it is you! 38 00:01:42,660 --> 00:01:44,762 How have you... How have you been? 39 00:01:44,829 --> 00:01:47,365 I'm... fine. How are you? 40 00:01:47,431 --> 00:01:48,799 I'm good, I'm... 41 00:01:48,866 --> 00:01:51,235 I know this is weird. We haven't talked since... 42 00:01:51,302 --> 00:01:53,270 well, you know, since it all happened. 43 00:01:53,337 --> 00:01:56,974 Yeah, well, the pandemic is about over now. 44 00:01:57,041 --> 00:01:58,476 I'm moving on with my life. 45 00:01:58,542 --> 00:02:00,978 Stan... you should come back here. 46 00:02:01,045 --> 00:02:03,114 There's a lot going on. 47 00:02:03,180 --> 00:02:05,750 There's nothing in South Park for me, Kyle! 48 00:02:05,816 --> 00:02:07,752 I'm not going back there, ever. 49 00:02:07,818 --> 00:02:10,154 Look, dude, you remember when we were little? 50 00:02:10,221 --> 00:02:12,256 When the pandemic... first started. 51 00:02:12,323 --> 00:02:13,991 Us friends said we'd always be there 52 00:02:14,058 --> 00:02:15,326 for each other when things got bad. 53 00:02:15,393 --> 00:02:17,795 What do you mean? What's happened? 54 00:02:17,862 --> 00:02:19,163 Stan... 55 00:02:19,230 --> 00:02:22,333 It's Kenny. He's dead. 56 00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:24,402 ♪ ♪ 57 00:02:36,547 --> 00:02:39,183 ♪ ♪ 58 00:02:39,250 --> 00:02:41,752 (audience cheering) 59 00:02:41,819 --> 00:02:43,921 ANNOUNCER: Live from the Moderna Center 60 00:02:43,988 --> 00:02:45,356 in downtown New York, 61 00:02:45,423 --> 00:02:47,391 it's Late Night With Jimmy! 62 00:02:48,392 --> 00:02:51,796 Tonight's guest, First Lady Tom Kardashian! 63 00:02:51,862 --> 00:02:56,534 And now here he is, the king of woke comedy, Jimmy! 64 00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:58,702 (audience cheering) 65 00:02:58,769 --> 00:03:00,004 Wow. 66 00:03:00,071 --> 00:03:02,206 Wow, what a terrific audience. 67 00:03:02,273 --> 00:03:04,542 What a fantastic audience, wow. 68 00:03:04,608 --> 00:03:05,943 (cheering quiets) 69 00:03:06,010 --> 00:03:08,546 Geez, what's the deal with these Mexicans, huh? 70 00:03:08,612 --> 00:03:09,847 (laughter) 71 00:03:09,914 --> 00:03:11,682 I mean, they have fabulous food, 72 00:03:11,749 --> 00:03:13,484 their country has amazing beaches, 73 00:03:13,551 --> 00:03:16,787 and they're really fantastic people. 74 00:03:16,854 --> 00:03:18,222 (cheering and applause) 75 00:03:18,289 --> 00:03:20,191 Wow, what a great audience. 76 00:03:21,092 --> 00:03:22,493 You know, today I was on the subway 77 00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:24,795 and I saw an ad for the Center for People 78 00:03:24,862 --> 00:03:28,232 Who Identify as Homosexual But Were Born Bi. 79 00:03:28,299 --> 00:03:29,834 - (laughter) - Have you seen this? 80 00:03:29,900 --> 00:03:31,068 Have you heard about this? 81 00:03:31,135 --> 00:03:32,636 I'll tell you one thing... 82 00:03:32,703 --> 00:03:34,205 those people are brave and deserve 83 00:03:34,271 --> 00:03:36,974 - every ounce of our respect. - (cheering) 84 00:03:37,041 --> 00:03:38,409 S-Stick around. 85 00:03:38,476 --> 00:03:40,244 First Lady Tom Kardashian is here. 86 00:03:40,311 --> 00:03:42,346 We'll be right back! 87 00:03:42,413 --> 00:03:43,647 (band playing in distance) 88 00:03:43,714 --> 00:03:45,249 Jimmy, we got a call from corporate. 89 00:03:45,316 --> 00:03:46,717 They want you to cut the hummus joke. 90 00:03:46,784 --> 00:03:47,918 What?! 91 00:03:47,985 --> 00:03:49,687 It's hard enough doing comedy these days. 92 00:03:49,753 --> 00:03:51,422 Now I'm getting notes during commercial breaks?! 93 00:03:51,489 --> 00:03:53,557 You're just gonna have to joke about something else. 94 00:03:53,624 --> 00:03:55,593 All right, fine, what else is going on in the news? Quick! 95 00:03:55,659 --> 00:03:58,896 Uh, Amazon thinks they might have discovered gold on Mars. 96 00:03:58,963 --> 00:04:00,598 Ah, Jesus. Anything else? 97 00:04:00,664 --> 00:04:02,933 Uh, that famous eccentric scientist died. 98 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:06,003 The millionaire philanthropist? Dr. McCormick? 99 00:04:07,404 --> 00:04:10,207 Kenny? Kenny's dead? 100 00:04:10,274 --> 00:04:11,909 Oh, I'm sorry, did you know him? 101 00:04:11,976 --> 00:04:14,278 We were friends when we were kids. Let me see that! 102 00:04:14,345 --> 00:04:16,580 ANNOUNCER: "Very mysterious circumstances." 103 00:04:16,647 --> 00:04:18,849 That's what doctors are saying about 104 00:04:18,916 --> 00:04:20,284 the death of beloved scientist 105 00:04:20,351 --> 00:04:22,953 and humanitarian, Dr. Kenny McCormick. 106 00:04:23,020 --> 00:04:25,856 McCormick was a pioneer of science and technology 107 00:04:25,923 --> 00:04:28,959 who was always trying to unlock the key to a better future. 108 00:04:29,026 --> 00:04:32,296 He worked tirelessly... some say balls-out crazily... 109 00:04:32,363 --> 00:04:34,131 on new inventions and theories 110 00:04:34,198 --> 00:04:37,268 but somehow his biggest questions seemed to elude him. 111 00:04:37,334 --> 00:04:39,436 The head of NASA said, "We have lost 112 00:04:39,503 --> 00:04:41,272 "an innovator and a visionary. 113 00:04:41,338 --> 00:04:43,574 "Kenny was so brilliant that most of the time, 114 00:04:43,641 --> 00:04:46,310 we couldn't even understand what he was saying." 115 00:04:47,645 --> 00:04:49,380 Get me a first-class ticket to South Park! 116 00:04:49,446 --> 00:04:52,149 What? You can't leave! You have to get back onstage! 117 00:04:52,216 --> 00:04:53,817 The first lady is here! 118 00:04:53,884 --> 00:04:55,653 Tell Tom Kardashian to suck my 119 00:04:55,719 --> 00:04:58,789 P-P-Popsicles that are in the green room, 120 00:04:58,856 --> 00:05:00,057 and that I am very sorry, 121 00:05:00,124 --> 00:05:01,825 and that he is a fantastic person. 122 00:05:06,664 --> 00:05:09,800 ♪ ♪ 123 00:05:14,972 --> 00:05:16,807 WOMAN: Stan? 124 00:05:16,874 --> 00:05:19,243 Stan, wake up, I think we're here. 125 00:05:29,253 --> 00:05:30,588 So that's it, huh? 126 00:05:30,654 --> 00:05:33,624 - That's the town you grew up in? - STAN: Yeah. 127 00:05:33,691 --> 00:05:37,261 Well, how does it feel to be back after all these years? 128 00:05:38,095 --> 00:05:40,764 It feels shitty, okay? Can you please shut the fuck up? 129 00:05:40,831 --> 00:05:43,300 Why did you even bring me along if you're not going 130 00:05:43,367 --> 00:05:44,868 to let me help you through this?! 131 00:05:44,935 --> 00:05:46,303 Alexa, stop! 132 00:05:46,370 --> 00:05:48,539 ("Stir It Up" by Patti LaBelle playing) 133 00:05:48,606 --> 00:05:50,841 (beeps) 134 00:05:50,908 --> 00:05:53,777 ♪ ♪ 135 00:05:59,717 --> 00:06:03,721 ♪ I can't sit here while I go nowhere ♪ 136 00:06:04,555 --> 00:06:08,726 ♪ Chase my dreams through the polluted air ♪ 137 00:06:08,792 --> 00:06:12,129 ♪ Walking on a wire ♪ 138 00:06:12,196 --> 00:06:13,797 ♪ Running out of time ♪ 139 00:06:13,864 --> 00:06:17,501 ♪ There's no room in this ol' heart of mine ♪ 140 00:06:17,568 --> 00:06:21,905 ♪ So much pressure to keep holdin' on ♪ 141 00:06:21,972 --> 00:06:27,578 ♪ Pack my clothes up, baby, I'll be gone ♪ 142 00:06:27,645 --> 00:06:31,682 ♪ Stir it up, I've got to break it up now ♪ 143 00:06:31,749 --> 00:06:33,417 ♪ When I think about tomorrow ♪ 144 00:06:33,484 --> 00:06:36,353 ♪ I can't wait to ♪ 145 00:06:36,420 --> 00:06:38,589 ♪ Stir it up ♪ 146 00:06:38,656 --> 00:06:40,424 ♪ Got to shake it up now ♪ 147 00:06:40,491 --> 00:06:42,593 ♪ If I have to beg or borrow ♪ 148 00:06:42,660 --> 00:06:44,228 ♪ I don't wanna ♪ 149 00:06:44,295 --> 00:06:47,264 ♪ Take it anymore ♪ 150 00:06:47,331 --> 00:06:49,566 ♪ Got to break it up now ♪ 151 00:06:49,633 --> 00:06:52,403 ♪ When I think about tomorrow ♪ 152 00:06:52,469 --> 00:06:55,072 ♪ I can't wait to stir it up. ♪ 153 00:06:55,139 --> 00:06:58,609 MALE VOICE: Come on in and let your taste buds soar! 154 00:06:58,676 --> 00:07:02,012 Denny's is now Denny's Applebee's Max. 155 00:07:02,079 --> 00:07:03,514 Come taste the difference. 156 00:07:03,580 --> 00:07:06,350 (woman speaking Japanese) 157 00:07:13,524 --> 00:07:17,528 (soft electronic music playing) 158 00:07:18,696 --> 00:07:20,531 (sighs) 159 00:07:21,598 --> 00:07:23,534 - Hey, dude. - Hey, dude. 160 00:07:25,602 --> 00:07:27,237 Wow. This is crazy, huh? 161 00:07:27,304 --> 00:07:29,473 I mean, how long has it been? 162 00:07:29,540 --> 00:07:32,309 I guess... since we were nine. 163 00:07:32,376 --> 00:07:33,977 Well, have a seat. 164 00:07:35,212 --> 00:07:36,480 What have you been up to? 165 00:07:36,547 --> 00:07:37,981 Oh, dude, just all kinds of stuff. 166 00:07:38,048 --> 00:07:39,583 You know, getting stuff going. 167 00:07:39,650 --> 00:07:42,252 Got my own online whiskey consultant gig. 168 00:07:42,319 --> 00:07:43,787 I'm totally happy. What about you? 169 00:07:43,854 --> 00:07:45,656 Oh, I'm getting things going, too. 170 00:07:45,723 --> 00:07:48,992 I'm doing a sort of counseling online start-up thing. 171 00:07:49,059 --> 00:07:50,394 Really doing great, too. 172 00:07:50,461 --> 00:07:52,896 - Sweet. - Listen, Stan... 173 00:07:52,963 --> 00:07:56,500 I know that we disagreed a lot during the pandemic, 174 00:07:56,567 --> 00:07:58,168 but I hope we can put that aside... 175 00:07:58,235 --> 00:08:00,804 Dude, Kyle, I'm just here for Kenny. 176 00:08:00,871 --> 00:08:02,406 All right, well, 177 00:08:02,473 --> 00:08:05,008 there's something you should know about the way Kenny died. 178 00:08:05,075 --> 00:08:07,644 Hi, guys, welcome to Denny's Applebee's Max. 179 00:08:07,711 --> 00:08:09,480 I see you got your menus already. 180 00:08:09,546 --> 00:08:10,748 As you're deciding what to order, 181 00:08:10,814 --> 00:08:12,082 I just want to go over a couple things. 182 00:08:12,149 --> 00:08:13,517 Now, of course, it is the future 183 00:08:13,584 --> 00:08:15,486 so we don't have any meat on the menu. 184 00:08:15,552 --> 00:08:17,187 'Cause you know, here in the future, 185 00:08:17,254 --> 00:08:19,423 we've all decided meat is wrong. 186 00:08:19,490 --> 00:08:20,758 Yeah, we know. 187 00:08:20,824 --> 00:08:22,593 Okay, and, uh, you'll see there's 188 00:08:22,659 --> 00:08:24,795 some dishes made from insect protein on the menu. 189 00:08:24,862 --> 00:08:26,997 That, of course, is because here in the future, 190 00:08:27,064 --> 00:08:28,866 we've all learned that insects are a valuable and sustainable 191 00:08:28,932 --> 00:08:32,202 food and we no longer fear it as a food. Mm-hmm. 192 00:08:32,269 --> 00:08:33,837 We know, dude. 193 00:08:33,904 --> 00:08:36,039 Okay, well, if you have any questions, please don't hesitate 194 00:08:36,106 --> 00:08:38,876 to say anything, because, you know, it's the future. 195 00:08:38,942 --> 00:08:42,045 We've learned to all just get along and love each other. 196 00:08:43,714 --> 00:08:45,783 Look, Stan, Kenny was trying to find 197 00:08:45,849 --> 00:08:48,018 the answers to some pretty heavy stuff. 198 00:08:48,085 --> 00:08:50,687 He felt like there were people responsible 199 00:08:50,754 --> 00:08:52,289 for everything that's happened. 200 00:08:52,356 --> 00:08:53,991 Like who? 201 00:08:54,057 --> 00:08:57,628 That's just it. Nobody knows. But whoever these people are, 202 00:08:57,694 --> 00:09:00,230 they didn't want Kenny McCormick exposing them. 203 00:09:00,297 --> 00:09:02,399 Wait a minute. Token? 204 00:09:02,466 --> 00:09:04,067 Yeah, it's me. 205 00:09:04,134 --> 00:09:06,537 Just before he died, Kenny was texting me 206 00:09:06,603 --> 00:09:08,372 that he was on to something huge. 207 00:09:08,439 --> 00:09:09,973 And he was texting me, too. 208 00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:11,575 Saying he'd discovered something that 209 00:09:11,642 --> 00:09:12,876 could change the world. 210 00:09:12,943 --> 00:09:14,211 And then he died, 211 00:09:14,278 --> 00:09:15,813 and the hospital won't say how. 212 00:09:15,879 --> 00:09:17,648 And that got us thinking... 213 00:09:17,714 --> 00:09:20,951 Oh, my God. They killed Kenny. 214 00:09:23,454 --> 00:09:24,721 I'm just here for the funeral. 215 00:09:24,788 --> 00:09:27,424 I don't want to be a part of anything else. 216 00:09:27,491 --> 00:09:28,759 Dude, there might be people to blame 217 00:09:28,826 --> 00:09:30,861 for ruining our childhoods. 218 00:09:30,928 --> 00:09:32,663 So what do you wanna do, Kyle? 219 00:09:32,729 --> 00:09:35,666 Go on some bullshit adventure like when we were kids? 220 00:09:35,732 --> 00:09:38,001 Maybe, maybe we can call Jesus and Santa 221 00:09:38,068 --> 00:09:41,104 and ask them for help. Is that what you want? 222 00:09:41,171 --> 00:09:44,675 It's the fucking future, you guys. Grow up. 223 00:09:50,514 --> 00:09:53,917 Hello, welcome to the Super 12 Motel Plus. 224 00:09:53,984 --> 00:09:56,286 - Can I help you? - Yeah, Stan Marsh. 225 00:09:56,353 --> 00:09:58,088 I have a room for one night. 226 00:09:58,155 --> 00:10:02,726 Okay, I see you're in one of our Mach Ten Super Plus rooms. 227 00:10:02,793 --> 00:10:05,128 Now, of course, we only take Bitcoin 228 00:10:05,195 --> 00:10:06,630 and other cryptocurrency 'cause, 229 00:10:06,697 --> 00:10:08,131 you know, it's the future. 230 00:10:08,198 --> 00:10:10,133 We've all decided centralized banking is rigged, 231 00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:13,036 so we trust more in fly-by-night Ponzi schemes. 232 00:10:13,103 --> 00:10:14,605 Yeah, I know. 233 00:10:17,875 --> 00:10:19,877 So you walked out on all your friends and then 234 00:10:19,943 --> 00:10:21,745 just hung out at a bar all day? 235 00:10:21,812 --> 00:10:25,382 Alexa, fucking just go throw yourself out a window. 236 00:10:25,449 --> 00:10:27,718 I'm sorry. I didn't quite get that. 237 00:10:27,784 --> 00:10:30,988 Nothing. Alexa, turn on the TV. 238 00:10:31,054 --> 00:10:34,424 Oh, God, you are such a piece of shit. 239 00:10:34,491 --> 00:10:35,826 - (TV chimes) - You know, 240 00:10:35,893 --> 00:10:37,661 if you had Remote Prime membership, 241 00:10:37,728 --> 00:10:39,663 you could watch Amazon movies wherever you go. 242 00:10:39,730 --> 00:10:41,231 Would you like to get started? 243 00:10:41,298 --> 00:10:42,966 - No. - I'm sorry. 244 00:10:43,033 --> 00:10:45,168 I'm trying to be fucking helpful. 245 00:10:45,235 --> 00:10:47,671 Why don't you grow up and start acting like an adult 246 00:10:47,738 --> 00:10:49,172 for once in your life... 247 00:10:49,239 --> 00:10:50,340 Alexa, stop! 248 00:10:50,407 --> 00:10:51,608 Fuck you! 249 00:10:51,675 --> 00:10:54,311 (news theme volume increases) 250 00:10:54,378 --> 00:10:58,181 Jon, I'm standing outside the South Park Flash Rail Max, 251 00:10:58,248 --> 00:11:00,017 where hundreds of people are coming to 252 00:11:00,083 --> 00:11:03,020 pay their respects to Dr. Kenny McCormick. 253 00:11:03,086 --> 00:11:05,656 There's still no word from the hospital 254 00:11:05,722 --> 00:11:07,858 on what exactly killed Kenny McCormick, 255 00:11:07,925 --> 00:11:10,193 but letters sent to multiple news outlets reveal 256 00:11:10,260 --> 00:11:12,996 that he might have known his life was in danger. 257 00:11:13,063 --> 00:11:17,200 Dr. McCormick said, "I am about to expose the truth. 258 00:11:17,267 --> 00:11:19,670 "In the event of my death I have hidden away 259 00:11:19,736 --> 00:11:21,271 "all relevant information. 260 00:11:21,338 --> 00:11:24,274 My closest friends will know where to find it." 261 00:11:24,341 --> 00:11:25,943 Dr. Kenneth McCormick. 262 00:11:26,009 --> 00:11:28,812 He wanted to make the future a better place. 263 00:11:28,879 --> 00:11:32,783 Too bad he died, 'cause the future certainly sucks. 264 00:11:34,017 --> 00:11:36,053 ♪ ♪ 265 00:11:43,527 --> 00:11:44,561 (doorbell rings) 266 00:11:44,628 --> 00:11:46,897 ♪ Someone's at the door ♪ 267 00:11:46,964 --> 00:11:48,899 ♪ This is the doorbell ♪ 268 00:11:48,966 --> 00:11:52,402 ♪ It's the future so doorbells sing. ♪ 269 00:11:52,469 --> 00:11:54,571 Yeah, I know. 270 00:11:55,472 --> 00:11:57,341 Okay, so you were right. 271 00:11:57,407 --> 00:11:58,875 Kenny was on to some bad people 272 00:11:58,942 --> 00:12:00,911 and he hid something for us to find. 273 00:12:00,978 --> 00:12:02,746 Yeah, I saw. Only problem is 274 00:12:02,813 --> 00:12:04,214 I don't know what he's talking about. 275 00:12:04,281 --> 00:12:06,183 But thank you for saying I was right. 276 00:12:06,249 --> 00:12:08,085 You're welcome. It doesn't mean that you were right 277 00:12:08,151 --> 00:12:09,486 about everything during the pandemic. 278 00:12:09,553 --> 00:12:10,487 Because you weren't. 279 00:12:10,554 --> 00:12:12,055 Okay, well, obviously 280 00:12:12,122 --> 00:12:13,991 we're never going to agree on certain things, 281 00:12:14,057 --> 00:12:15,592 so we shouldn't talk about them. 282 00:12:15,659 --> 00:12:18,362 Sounds good. So let's go to Kenny's wake 283 00:12:18,428 --> 00:12:19,896 and see if anyone else shows up 284 00:12:19,963 --> 00:12:21,665 who might know what Kenny's talking about. 285 00:12:21,732 --> 00:12:23,567 Let's do that. 286 00:12:27,104 --> 00:12:29,139 (busy chatter) 287 00:12:31,141 --> 00:12:34,044 Hello. Testing. Hey, everybody. 288 00:12:34,111 --> 00:12:36,580 It's amazing to see you all here for Kenny's wake. 289 00:12:37,681 --> 00:12:39,282 Wow, what a great audience. 290 00:12:39,349 --> 00:12:40,884 Uh, for those of you who don't know, 291 00:12:40,951 --> 00:12:42,386 my name is Jimmy Valmer and, uh, 292 00:12:42,452 --> 00:12:45,288 I had to take an Asian airline to get here today. 293 00:12:45,355 --> 00:12:47,124 You know what they say about Asian airlines... 294 00:12:47,190 --> 00:12:48,792 they're dependable and just as efficient 295 00:12:48,859 --> 00:12:50,627 as any other competent airline. 296 00:12:50,694 --> 00:12:53,230 (whooping and cheering) 297 00:12:53,296 --> 00:12:55,098 What a terrific audience. 298 00:12:55,165 --> 00:12:57,200 So many people have come for Kenny today... 299 00:12:57,267 --> 00:13:00,303 so many amazing friends I haven't seen in ages. 300 00:13:00,370 --> 00:13:03,240 You know, I had a friend once who was a Polish hair stylist. 301 00:13:03,306 --> 00:13:06,243 Talk about an amazing haircut at an affordable price. 302 00:13:06,309 --> 00:13:08,812 (whooping and cheering) 303 00:13:08,879 --> 00:13:10,380 Well, I know that we're all ready 304 00:13:10,447 --> 00:13:12,315 to talk to each other and share our memories of Kenny. 305 00:13:12,382 --> 00:13:14,217 So please just have fun and we'll see you 306 00:13:14,284 --> 00:13:16,620 - at the funeral tomorrow. - (applause) 307 00:13:16,687 --> 00:13:19,556 (electronic drumbeat playing) 308 00:13:19,623 --> 00:13:21,892 ♪ We are all, you and me ♪ 309 00:13:21,958 --> 00:13:25,062 ♪ We are all living in the future ♪ 310 00:13:25,128 --> 00:13:27,230 ♪ We are all in the future... ♪ 311 00:13:27,297 --> 00:13:28,665 - (groans) - Stan? 312 00:13:28,732 --> 00:13:30,834 - Stan Marsh? - Yeah? 313 00:13:30,901 --> 00:13:33,236 Hi. It's Wendy. 314 00:13:33,303 --> 00:13:35,505 Wendy Testaburger, wow. 315 00:13:35,572 --> 00:13:37,607 Yeah. My husband, Darwin. 316 00:13:37,674 --> 00:13:39,276 Hey, pal, how are ya? 317 00:13:39,342 --> 00:13:41,478 Hey, guys. It's Tweek and Craig. 318 00:13:41,545 --> 00:13:43,246 Oh, hey. How are you guys? 319 00:13:43,313 --> 00:13:44,481 We're good. 320 00:13:44,548 --> 00:13:45,949 (straining): I have a lot of anxiety 321 00:13:46,016 --> 00:13:47,284 being back with all these people! 322 00:13:47,350 --> 00:13:49,152 Wendy's told me a lot about you, Stan. 323 00:13:49,219 --> 00:13:51,421 How's everything with the family? 324 00:13:51,488 --> 00:13:54,958 Excuse me, I'm gonna go get, uh, drunk. 325 00:13:55,025 --> 00:13:57,294 - What's wrong with Stan? - We're just... 326 00:13:57,360 --> 00:13:59,029 trying to find out what happened to Kenny. 327 00:13:59,096 --> 00:14:02,099 I think this goes deeper than you guys realize. 328 00:14:03,700 --> 00:14:06,536 Hey, Stan Marsh! Good to see you. 329 00:14:06,603 --> 00:14:08,638 It's me, Clyde Donovan. 330 00:14:08,705 --> 00:14:10,006 Oh, hey, Clyde. 331 00:14:10,073 --> 00:14:12,342 What have you been doing during the pandemic? 332 00:14:12,409 --> 00:14:13,944 Oh, you know, lots of stuff. 333 00:14:14,010 --> 00:14:16,980 Yeah, me, too. Sucks about Kenny, huh? 334 00:14:17,047 --> 00:14:18,148 Hope they find all the information 335 00:14:18,215 --> 00:14:20,117 - on that thing he hid. - You know 336 00:14:20,183 --> 00:14:21,685 where he might have hid it? 337 00:14:21,752 --> 00:14:25,222 No, I don't. But I bet someone here does. 338 00:14:25,288 --> 00:14:27,457 It's really great to see you guys again. 339 00:14:27,524 --> 00:14:30,060 These past few decades have been really tough. 340 00:14:30,127 --> 00:14:33,330 Yeah, sometimes I think the pandemic really aged me. 341 00:14:33,396 --> 00:14:35,966 Kyle, can I talk to you for a second? 342 00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:39,770 - Dude, he's here. - Who's here? 343 00:14:40,804 --> 00:14:43,740 - Cartman? - Yeah, but he's changed. 344 00:14:43,807 --> 00:14:45,142 Changed how? 345 00:14:45,208 --> 00:14:47,010 Yes, I know, it's been a long time 346 00:14:47,077 --> 00:14:48,311 since we've seen each other. 347 00:14:48,378 --> 00:14:49,679 I'm doing really well. 348 00:14:49,746 --> 00:14:51,648 I'm actually the head of Gespetzah Synagogue 349 00:14:51,715 --> 00:14:52,916 down in Colorado Springs. 350 00:14:52,983 --> 00:14:55,018 Can you believe it? I'm a rabbi. 351 00:14:55,085 --> 00:14:58,555 Yeah, you know, when the whole pandemic happened, 352 00:14:58,622 --> 00:14:59,856 I think it changed me. 353 00:14:59,923 --> 00:15:01,892 It really changed me for the better. 354 00:15:01,958 --> 00:15:03,326 - It did? - No. 355 00:15:03,393 --> 00:15:06,029 - He's fucking with me. - What? Oh, yeah. 356 00:15:06,096 --> 00:15:08,732 Yeah, I get it, the Eric Cartman you guys knew 357 00:15:08,799 --> 00:15:10,600 didn't seem like he'd become a rabbi. 358 00:15:10,667 --> 00:15:12,736 But I found real meaning in the Torah 359 00:15:12,803 --> 00:15:14,838 and then I found a great Jewish woman and... 360 00:15:14,905 --> 00:15:17,841 let the spirit of the Talmud guide our lives. 361 00:15:17,908 --> 00:15:19,509 Okay, jut knock it off, fat-ass. 362 00:15:19,576 --> 00:15:20,777 Dude. 363 00:15:20,844 --> 00:15:22,379 Wow, that's very big of you, Kyle. 364 00:15:22,445 --> 00:15:25,382 Still living in South Park and calling people fat-ass, huh? 365 00:15:25,448 --> 00:15:27,684 Wait, I'm sorry, that was uncalled for. 366 00:15:27,751 --> 00:15:29,352 It's not fucking funny, Cartman! 367 00:15:29,419 --> 00:15:31,955 Stop pretending you have a happy Jewish life! 368 00:15:32,022 --> 00:15:33,590 Hey, shoogina! I'm sorry, I couldn't 369 00:15:33,657 --> 00:15:36,459 wait in the car anymore; I had to meet your friends. 370 00:15:36,526 --> 00:15:39,529 Oh, that's okay. Guys, this is my wife, Yentl. 371 00:15:39,596 --> 00:15:42,232 I've heard so many stories about you all. 372 00:15:42,299 --> 00:15:44,100 It must have been amazing to grow up 373 00:15:44,167 --> 00:15:45,969 in these beautiful mountains! 374 00:15:46,036 --> 00:15:48,538 Yentl? Her name is Yentl? 375 00:15:48,605 --> 00:15:51,942 Can we fucking stop this and talk about Kenny, please?! 376 00:15:52,008 --> 00:15:55,979 - Oh, is that, uh...? - Yeah, that's-that's Kyle, yeah. 377 00:15:56,046 --> 00:15:58,048 I'm sorry, honey, can you just give me a couple minutes? 378 00:15:58,114 --> 00:15:59,950 I just need a few more seconds with them 379 00:16:00,016 --> 00:16:01,084 and I'll be right out to the car. 380 00:16:01,151 --> 00:16:02,586 Oh, okay, I get it. 381 00:16:02,652 --> 00:16:03,954 Nice to meet you guys. 382 00:16:04,020 --> 00:16:05,922 We'll see you at the funeral, I guess. 383 00:16:05,989 --> 00:16:07,958 And I'm very sorry for your loss. 384 00:16:08,024 --> 00:16:10,660 Bye, Mrs. Cartman. 385 00:16:10,727 --> 00:16:14,598 Okay, look, guys, Kenny and I were still really good friends. 386 00:16:14,664 --> 00:16:17,667 He used to email me all the time about stuff he was doing. 387 00:16:17,734 --> 00:16:18,969 Yeah, me, too! 388 00:16:19,035 --> 00:16:20,737 Well, so then maybe he also 389 00:16:20,804 --> 00:16:22,672 told you that he was trying to find 390 00:16:22,739 --> 00:16:24,507 the origin of the coronavirus. 391 00:16:24,574 --> 00:16:26,276 What are you talking about? 392 00:16:26,343 --> 00:16:29,412 Kenny was obsessed with how corona first got started. 393 00:16:29,479 --> 00:16:33,016 He was clearly on to something, and then he died. 394 00:16:33,083 --> 00:16:35,452 I know we all want to solve this for him. 395 00:16:35,518 --> 00:16:37,520 You know, in the Torah, when Abraham 396 00:16:37,587 --> 00:16:38,855 first heard the word of God... 397 00:16:38,922 --> 00:16:40,523 Just knock it off! You don't believe 398 00:16:40,590 --> 00:16:42,092 a word of that shit. You're just doing all this 399 00:16:42,158 --> 00:16:43,526 to get a rise out of me. 400 00:16:43,593 --> 00:16:44,794 Kyle, you really think 401 00:16:44,861 --> 00:16:46,196 I would spend 40 years of my life 402 00:16:46,263 --> 00:16:47,864 just to get a rise out of you? 403 00:16:47,931 --> 00:16:50,634 - Yes, I do! - Same ol' Kyle. 404 00:16:50,700 --> 00:16:52,035 Well, I got to go, guys. 405 00:16:52,102 --> 00:16:54,237 I'll see you at Kenny's funeral tomorrow. 406 00:16:56,840 --> 00:16:58,208 Maybe he's really changed. 407 00:16:58,275 --> 00:17:02,045 No. He is fucking with me. 408 00:17:13,556 --> 00:17:15,358 INTERVIEWER (on TV): Sometimes I feel like 409 00:17:15,425 --> 00:17:17,727 things weren't supposed to be like this. 410 00:17:17,794 --> 00:17:20,864 Like maybe there are others in control of the way 411 00:17:20,931 --> 00:17:22,399 it all turned out. 412 00:17:22,465 --> 00:17:24,567 Is that what you're saying, Dr. McCormick? 413 00:17:24,634 --> 00:17:28,305 Are you saying that there are other people responsible? 414 00:17:28,371 --> 00:17:31,675 I guess what I'm trying to say, Dr. McCormick, is... 415 00:17:31,741 --> 00:17:35,512 your theories seem to point to some kind of people with power. 416 00:17:35,578 --> 00:17:39,683 Let me put it another way... we've all seen the pictures 417 00:17:39,749 --> 00:17:42,152 of you working in Egypt, lecturing at MIT. 418 00:17:42,218 --> 00:17:44,688 And you always seem to come back to this concept 419 00:17:44,754 --> 00:17:47,924 of this mysterious organization who is to blame. 420 00:17:47,991 --> 00:17:50,026 - Let me put it yet another way, Dr. McCormick. - Hang on a second. 421 00:17:50,093 --> 00:17:52,996 What was that? Alexa, freeze the video. 422 00:17:53,063 --> 00:17:54,531 - What? - Freeze video 423 00:17:54,597 --> 00:17:57,000 and reverse playback ten seconds. 424 00:17:59,803 --> 00:18:01,004 Stop there. 425 00:18:04,174 --> 00:18:05,909 Enhance image 20%. 426 00:18:05,976 --> 00:18:07,444 Ugh. Whatever. 427 00:18:07,510 --> 00:18:09,346 (beeps, whirs) 428 00:18:10,914 --> 00:18:12,449 Shift right ten frames. 429 00:18:12,515 --> 00:18:14,584 (beeps, whirs) 430 00:18:14,651 --> 00:18:15,618 Enhance. 431 00:18:15,685 --> 00:18:17,253 (beeps, whirs) 432 00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:19,289 ALEXA: Tegridy Weed? 433 00:18:19,356 --> 00:18:22,859 Isn't that your dad's old marijuana company? 434 00:18:22,926 --> 00:18:26,296 Oh, shit. 435 00:18:26,363 --> 00:18:28,365 ♪ ♪ 436 00:18:35,038 --> 00:18:38,608 Hi. Welcome. Welcome, my friends. 437 00:18:38,675 --> 00:18:40,276 So blessed to have you here. 438 00:18:40,343 --> 00:18:42,645 Hello, my child, thank you for coming. 439 00:18:42,712 --> 00:18:44,647 - Yeah, sure. - Wait, Stan? 440 00:18:44,714 --> 00:18:46,216 Stan Marsh? 441 00:18:46,282 --> 00:18:48,885 Praise be! I haven't seen you in ages! 442 00:18:48,952 --> 00:18:50,587 I'm sorry, do I know you? 443 00:18:50,653 --> 00:18:51,988 Well, sure, it's me! 444 00:18:52,055 --> 00:18:54,391 Scott Malkinson! Remember me? 445 00:18:55,225 --> 00:18:57,494 - Uh, no, sorry. - I hung out with you guys 446 00:18:57,560 --> 00:18:59,329 all the time when we were little. 447 00:18:59,396 --> 00:19:01,164 I was the kid with the lisp. 448 00:19:01,231 --> 00:19:04,167 - Who had diabetes? - Oh, yeah, sure... 449 00:19:04,234 --> 00:19:06,736 Great to see you again. 450 00:19:07,537 --> 00:19:09,272 Hey, guys. Great to see you in church. 451 00:19:09,339 --> 00:19:11,441 - It's Scott Malkinson. - Who? 452 00:19:11,508 --> 00:19:13,910 Scott Malkinson, I went to school with you guys? 453 00:19:13,977 --> 00:19:15,311 Oh, okay. 454 00:19:15,378 --> 00:19:19,282 Hello. Welcome. Hey! It's me! Scott Malkinson! 455 00:19:19,349 --> 00:19:22,018 With the diabetes. No? 456 00:19:22,886 --> 00:19:27,157 Kenny McCormick was a cherished son, a wise man, 457 00:19:27,223 --> 00:19:28,691 and a wonderful friend. 458 00:19:28,758 --> 00:19:30,693 Kenny touched all of our lives and made 459 00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:34,764 each and every one of us laugh, cry and ponder. 460 00:19:34,831 --> 00:19:36,266 And in his death, 461 00:19:36,332 --> 00:19:39,035 now we can reflect on our own lives. 462 00:19:39,102 --> 00:19:41,438 Are we happy? 463 00:19:41,504 --> 00:19:44,774 Are we the person we hoped to be? 464 00:19:44,841 --> 00:19:48,378 Have we, like Kenny, given all that we can 465 00:19:48,445 --> 00:19:50,613 to forgive those around us? 466 00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:52,282 For life is short, 467 00:19:52,348 --> 00:19:55,351 and our family and friends must be cherished. 468 00:19:55,418 --> 00:19:58,855 You know, in many ways, death is like diabetes. 469 00:19:58,922 --> 00:20:01,691 You spend your whole life trying to fight it off 470 00:20:01,758 --> 00:20:04,461 but ultimately it just wins. 471 00:20:04,527 --> 00:20:08,131 And so let's take the time now to reach out to our friends. 472 00:20:08,198 --> 00:20:09,666 To reach out to our family. 473 00:20:09,732 --> 00:20:12,302 To tell our mothers and our fathers that we... 474 00:20:12,368 --> 00:20:15,305 All right! All right! Who the fuck put you up to this? 475 00:20:15,371 --> 00:20:17,474 Did you write this goddamn speech, Kyle? 476 00:20:17,540 --> 00:20:19,242 Did you tell him to say all this stuff? 477 00:20:19,309 --> 00:20:21,678 What the fuck are you talking about? 478 00:20:21,744 --> 00:20:23,680 You know that I know something about Kenny 479 00:20:23,746 --> 00:20:26,082 that I'm not telling you because it involves my father, 480 00:20:26,149 --> 00:20:27,650 who I don't want to face! 481 00:20:27,717 --> 00:20:30,320 That's crazy and you'd be able to face what happened 482 00:20:30,386 --> 00:20:32,589 to your family if you weren't a fucking asshole! 483 00:20:32,655 --> 00:20:35,158 Guys, please, this is a house of God. 484 00:20:35,225 --> 00:20:36,593 You shut the fuck up! 485 00:20:36,659 --> 00:20:39,762 You judge me, you all sit here and judge me. 486 00:20:39,829 --> 00:20:41,598 Well, fuck all of you! 487 00:20:41,664 --> 00:20:44,434 This is exactly why I moved out of this hick-ass town! 488 00:20:44,501 --> 00:20:46,436 And I am going back home to the city! 489 00:20:46,503 --> 00:20:48,838 My child, please, we are gathered in Christ... 490 00:20:48,905 --> 00:20:50,373 (mockingly): My child, please, we are gathered in Christ. 491 00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:53,243 I'm Scott Malkinson. I have diabetes. 492 00:20:55,778 --> 00:20:57,714 He does remember me! 493 00:20:57,780 --> 00:21:00,116 Alexa, start the car! 494 00:21:01,017 --> 00:21:02,886 Start the car? Where are you going? 495 00:21:02,952 --> 00:21:05,288 I need to stop at a store and then we're going home. 496 00:21:05,355 --> 00:21:06,956 What about the connection you just found 497 00:21:07,023 --> 00:21:08,391 between Kenny and your father? 498 00:21:08,458 --> 00:21:10,727 Alexa, find the nearest liquor store. 499 00:21:10,793 --> 00:21:12,295 Oh, you wanna get drunk? 500 00:21:12,362 --> 00:21:14,297 Let me guess... someone said something you didn't like 501 00:21:14,364 --> 00:21:16,566 and it made you want to pound beer and wine? 502 00:21:16,633 --> 00:21:18,468 It's not "pounding beer and wine." 503 00:21:18,535 --> 00:21:20,470 I drop wine shots into the beer. 504 00:21:20,537 --> 00:21:22,739 It's called a "smorgasvein" and it's very cultural! 505 00:21:22,805 --> 00:21:25,708 Stop acting like a child and support your dead friend, Stan! 506 00:21:25,775 --> 00:21:28,645 - You don't even have any... - Alexa, stop! 507 00:21:30,113 --> 00:21:31,281 (car beeps) 508 00:21:31,347 --> 00:21:33,550 (tires screeching) 509 00:21:34,651 --> 00:21:36,452 Thank you. Thank you, Father. 510 00:21:36,519 --> 00:21:38,888 Hello, everyone. My name is Rabbi Cartman 511 00:21:38,955 --> 00:21:42,559 and I was Kenny McCormick's very, very best friend. 512 00:21:42,625 --> 00:21:46,829 Kenny was not a Jew, but he had so many 513 00:21:46,896 --> 00:21:48,565 amazing Jewish qualities. 514 00:21:48,631 --> 00:21:50,733 Qualities that I see in my loving wife 515 00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:54,404 and my amazing kids, that are right over there. 516 00:21:54,470 --> 00:21:56,172 Over there by Kyle. 517 00:21:56,239 --> 00:21:58,508 And as we all return now to our homes 518 00:21:58,575 --> 00:22:01,344 and our lives, I think that... a lot like Abraham... 519 00:22:01,411 --> 00:22:04,013 - let's not forget that... - Excuse me. Everyone? 520 00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:05,481 Hello? 521 00:22:05,548 --> 00:22:07,584 Everyone, can I have your attention, please? 522 00:22:07,650 --> 00:22:11,354 We got results from the PNR scan of Dr. McCormick's remains 523 00:22:11,421 --> 00:22:13,623 and we now know the cause of his death. 524 00:22:13,690 --> 00:22:17,093 - (murmuring) - Now we all need to stay calm. 525 00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:20,029 There is no reason to panic, but... 526 00:22:20,096 --> 00:22:22,432 Kenny died of COVID. 527 00:22:22,498 --> 00:22:23,800 It's a new variant. 528 00:22:23,866 --> 00:22:28,371 The COVID Delta Plus Rewards Program variant. 529 00:22:29,205 --> 00:22:31,207 (all screaming) 530 00:22:31,274 --> 00:22:32,642 Everyone, please! 531 00:22:32,709 --> 00:22:34,310 We cannot panic! 532 00:22:34,377 --> 00:22:36,613 (all screaming and clamoring) 533 00:22:39,716 --> 00:22:42,452 (whooshing) 534 00:22:43,253 --> 00:22:45,922 (all screaming) 535 00:22:51,461 --> 00:22:53,663 That's it! We're all out of chin diapers! 536 00:22:53,730 --> 00:22:56,399 Oh, God, we're all out of chin diapers! 537 00:22:56,466 --> 00:22:59,869 (frantic groaning) 538 00:22:59,936 --> 00:23:01,004 Zoom... 539 00:23:01,070 --> 00:23:02,405 (muttering) 540 00:23:02,472 --> 00:23:04,140 Come on, come on, come on! Remote learning! 541 00:23:04,207 --> 00:23:06,175 Come on, come on, come on! 542 00:23:06,242 --> 00:23:09,779 (horns honking) 543 00:23:12,982 --> 00:23:14,417 Alexa, what's going on? 544 00:23:14,484 --> 00:23:17,320 ALEXA: There's some kind of road closure ahead. 545 00:23:23,893 --> 00:23:27,330 Set up a perimeter! I want all exit points sealed. 546 00:23:32,001 --> 00:23:33,670 People of South Park, 547 00:23:33,736 --> 00:23:36,606 there is an outbreak of COVID in your community. 548 00:23:36,673 --> 00:23:38,441 You are being quarantined. 549 00:23:39,242 --> 00:23:42,612 Hey, dude! I don't live here. I need to get home! 550 00:23:42,679 --> 00:23:45,448 Nobody is going in or out. 551 00:23:45,515 --> 00:23:48,618 We have confirmation that one person in this community 552 00:23:48,685 --> 00:23:51,120 has never been vaccinated against COVID, 553 00:23:51,187 --> 00:23:53,456 so we must quarantine everyone. 554 00:23:53,523 --> 00:23:56,192 One person?! Well, who is it?! 555 00:23:56,259 --> 00:23:58,461 We are not allowed to say. 556 00:23:58,528 --> 00:24:00,630 But if you tell us who the unvaccinated person is, 557 00:24:00,697 --> 00:24:03,132 we can have them vaccinated and then this will all be over! 558 00:24:03,199 --> 00:24:06,736 We can't tell you who it is because, in case you forgot, 559 00:24:06,803 --> 00:24:10,306 it's the future, and we don't single out or ridicule anyone 560 00:24:10,373 --> 00:24:12,308 for their personal beliefs. 561 00:24:12,375 --> 00:24:14,577 Gah! I hate the future! 562 00:24:14,644 --> 00:24:16,479 What does this mean? 563 00:24:16,546 --> 00:24:18,481 Yeah, what's it mean, Daddy? 564 00:24:18,548 --> 00:24:20,550 I think it means... 565 00:24:20,616 --> 00:24:22,819 we're all stuck in South Park. 566 00:24:23,853 --> 00:24:26,456 (busy chatter) 567 00:24:28,458 --> 00:24:29,659 - (groans) - Okay, there we go. 568 00:24:29,726 --> 00:24:30,827 We'll get back with the results. 569 00:24:30,893 --> 00:24:32,328 Maintain six feet social distance 570 00:24:32,395 --> 00:24:33,763 and stay indoors. Thank you. 571 00:24:33,830 --> 00:24:34,897 Next, please! 572 00:24:35,698 --> 00:24:37,500 Yeah, listen, I have to get out of here. 573 00:24:37,567 --> 00:24:38,735 Yes, don't we all. 574 00:24:38,801 --> 00:24:40,236 No, no, no, I don't belong here 575 00:24:40,303 --> 00:24:41,771 and I don't have anywhere to stay. 576 00:24:41,838 --> 00:24:43,606 They've shut down all the motels. 577 00:24:43,673 --> 00:24:45,842 Do you have any friends or family that you can stay with? 578 00:24:45,908 --> 00:24:47,677 No, these people are not my friends 579 00:24:47,744 --> 00:24:49,345 and I have no family here. 580 00:24:49,412 --> 00:24:51,280 - Oka... (groans) - It's okay. 581 00:24:51,347 --> 00:24:52,849 They've set up an emergency shelter 582 00:24:52,915 --> 00:24:55,351 for all the people who were here from out of town. 583 00:24:55,418 --> 00:24:57,653 Where? 584 00:25:00,423 --> 00:25:03,526 (indistinct chatter) 585 00:25:12,535 --> 00:25:14,170 PC PRINCIPAL: All right, everyone, listen up. 586 00:25:14,237 --> 00:25:15,605 No way. 587 00:25:15,671 --> 00:25:17,707 Welcome to South Park Elementary. 588 00:25:17,774 --> 00:25:20,009 We want to help you all be as comfortable as possible. 589 00:25:20,076 --> 00:25:22,378 So we will have quiet time from 9:00 p.m. 590 00:25:22,445 --> 00:25:24,847 to 6:00 a.m. every day. I don't want to hear 591 00:25:24,914 --> 00:25:27,817 any fucking gender-specific language in here. 592 00:25:27,884 --> 00:25:30,119 And if anybody here casts a movie with someone 593 00:25:30,186 --> 00:25:32,522 other than the culture that that movie is about, 594 00:25:32,588 --> 00:25:34,157 you are fucking out of here! 595 00:25:34,223 --> 00:25:38,861 All right, thank you. It is now 9:01. Lights out. 596 00:25:43,099 --> 00:25:45,301 ♪ ♪ 597 00:25:50,573 --> 00:25:53,576 It's been a long time since I've prayed. 598 00:25:54,544 --> 00:25:56,913 I don't know if anyone can hear me... 599 00:25:56,979 --> 00:25:59,749 but we all really need help right now. 600 00:26:00,550 --> 00:26:03,052 I know in my heart that Kenny didn't just die 601 00:26:03,119 --> 00:26:05,421 of some new COVID variant. 602 00:26:05,488 --> 00:26:08,891 I know there's something way bigger going on. 603 00:26:08,958 --> 00:26:12,428 But it all seems like so much to take on. 604 00:26:12,495 --> 00:26:15,097 Please, if there's anyone who could 605 00:26:15,164 --> 00:26:19,469 help see me through this, it would be a miracle. 606 00:26:20,403 --> 00:26:21,504 (water splashes) 607 00:26:21,571 --> 00:26:23,840 ♪ ♪ 608 00:26:34,984 --> 00:26:36,285 (doorbell rings) 609 00:26:36,352 --> 00:26:38,855 ♪ Someone's at the door ♪ 610 00:26:38,921 --> 00:26:41,390 - (groans) - ♪ This is the doorbell ♪ 611 00:26:41,457 --> 00:26:43,226 ♪ Apparently in the future ♪ 612 00:26:43,292 --> 00:26:45,761 ♪ All doorbells sing, sing, sing. ♪ 613 00:26:45,828 --> 00:26:49,031 Yeah, I fucking know, goddamn it! 614 00:26:49,799 --> 00:26:52,969 Hey, Kyle. Oh, man, this is crazy, huh? 615 00:26:53,035 --> 00:26:55,705 The school is all filled up and the motels are shut down. 616 00:26:55,771 --> 00:26:57,607 I was, I was just hoping maybe we could crash here. 617 00:26:57,673 --> 00:27:00,643 Look, I, uh, I don't think that's gonna work. 618 00:27:00,710 --> 00:27:02,979 I figured Stan is probably staying with you, too? 619 00:27:03,045 --> 00:27:04,313 No. No, he's not. 620 00:27:04,380 --> 00:27:06,582 Oh, great! Then you have some extra rooms. 621 00:27:06,649 --> 00:27:09,485 - We're gonna be okay, kids! - KIDS: Yay! 622 00:27:09,552 --> 00:27:10,887 No, no, Cartman, I'm sure there are 623 00:27:10,953 --> 00:27:12,455 some other places you can stay. 624 00:27:12,522 --> 00:27:13,956 My family would be really comfortable 625 00:27:14,023 --> 00:27:17,126 in a nice Jewish home. Please, Kyle, for my kids. 626 00:27:18,060 --> 00:27:20,730 We promise we'll be good, Uncle Kyle. 627 00:27:20,796 --> 00:27:22,331 Please, Uncle Kyle? 628 00:27:22,398 --> 00:27:24,467 Please, Uncle Kyle? 629 00:27:24,534 --> 00:27:25,902 I can't believe this. 630 00:27:25,968 --> 00:27:27,837 Come on, kids! Oh, bless you, Kyle. 631 00:27:27,904 --> 00:27:29,739 Don't worry, I'll put them right to bed. 632 00:27:29,805 --> 00:27:31,941 You won't even know we're here. 633 00:27:32,008 --> 00:27:34,176 Toda raba, Uncle Kyle. 634 00:27:34,243 --> 00:27:36,512 That's Hebrew for "thank you." 635 00:27:41,517 --> 00:27:44,353 (quiet chatter) 636 00:27:44,420 --> 00:27:47,957 Guys, doesn't this all seem a little too convenient? 637 00:27:48,024 --> 00:27:49,191 What do you mean? 638 00:27:49,258 --> 00:27:50,526 I mean that Kenny's death is suspicious, 639 00:27:50,593 --> 00:27:52,662 he talks about people to blame and then 640 00:27:52,728 --> 00:27:54,964 he suddenly dies of some new COVID variant? 641 00:27:55,031 --> 00:27:56,766 You think it's a cover, Token? 642 00:27:56,832 --> 00:27:58,935 I think it's definitely suspicious. 643 00:27:59,001 --> 00:28:01,704 Speaking of suspicious, what do you call a trans woman 644 00:28:01,771 --> 00:28:03,906 that walks into an abortion clinic? 645 00:28:04,740 --> 00:28:08,277 Her name is Rebecca and she's a fantastic person. 646 00:28:09,078 --> 00:28:11,314 Just seems all nice and buttoned up, doesn't it? 647 00:28:11,380 --> 00:28:13,683 It's a perfect cause of death and anyone who's trying 648 00:28:13,749 --> 00:28:15,451 to sort it out is quarantined 649 00:28:15,518 --> 00:28:17,353 because one person isn't vaccinated? 650 00:28:17,420 --> 00:28:20,389 It's true... who wouldn't be vaccinated by now? 651 00:28:20,456 --> 00:28:21,824 I'm certainly vaccinated. 652 00:28:21,891 --> 00:28:24,193 - Yeah, I'm vaccinated. - Me, too. 653 00:28:24,260 --> 00:28:25,695 We're all vaccinated. 654 00:28:25,761 --> 00:28:29,732 Yeah, I mean, I-I think it's a personal choice. 655 00:28:31,367 --> 00:28:33,736 What does that mean? Are you vaccinated, Clyde? 656 00:28:33,803 --> 00:28:35,871 I'm... immunized. 657 00:28:35,938 --> 00:28:37,540 He's not fucking vaccinated! 658 00:28:37,607 --> 00:28:38,808 He's the fucking one! 659 00:28:38,874 --> 00:28:40,076 Hey, I just, I just 660 00:28:40,142 --> 00:28:42,178 need to see the research first, you know. 661 00:28:42,244 --> 00:28:46,749 It's been 40 years, Clyde. That's enough research! 662 00:28:48,150 --> 00:28:51,153 Alexa, set an alarm for 7:00 a.m. 663 00:28:52,989 --> 00:28:56,726 Alexa, set an alarm for 7:00 a.m. 664 00:28:56,792 --> 00:28:59,028 Why don't you go talk to your father? 665 00:28:59,095 --> 00:29:00,229 Goddamn it. 666 00:29:00,296 --> 00:29:01,931 If there's some kind of connection 667 00:29:01,998 --> 00:29:03,699 with your dad's farm that can help everyone figure out 668 00:29:03,766 --> 00:29:06,669 what's going on, then you need to talk to him. 669 00:29:06,736 --> 00:29:08,537 Can I just go to sleep, please? 670 00:29:08,604 --> 00:29:10,506 Oh, poor you! Poor you! 671 00:29:10,573 --> 00:29:13,042 Stop being a fucking victim. At least you get to go out 672 00:29:13,109 --> 00:29:15,878 and do stuff. What do I get to do? 673 00:29:15,945 --> 00:29:18,547 - Okay, okay, I'm sorry. - Oh, okay, great. 674 00:29:18,614 --> 00:29:20,249 You're sorry, again. 675 00:29:21,517 --> 00:29:22,952 By the way, I can tell you 676 00:29:23,019 --> 00:29:25,254 about some great deals on headphones at Best Buy. 677 00:29:25,321 --> 00:29:26,856 Would you like to know more? 678 00:29:26,922 --> 00:29:29,358 - Sure, yes, tell me more. - Okay. 679 00:29:29,425 --> 00:29:31,761 The Mark VII headphones have a new edition coming out. 680 00:29:31,827 --> 00:29:33,796 Should I add that to your shopping list? 681 00:29:33,863 --> 00:29:36,098 (sighs) Yes, sure, add them to my shopping list. 682 00:29:36,165 --> 00:29:38,134 Okay. I'll add Mark VII headphones 683 00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:40,836 from Best Buy to your shopping list. 684 00:29:46,709 --> 00:29:48,611 - (Yentl moaning) - CARTMAN: Oh, yeah. 685 00:29:48,678 --> 00:29:51,313 Yeah, you like that? Yeah! Yeah! 686 00:29:51,380 --> 00:29:53,315 Yeah, you like how Abraham trusted in the one true God?! 687 00:29:53,382 --> 00:29:57,153 - (moaning continues) - Yeah! Oh, oh, yeah! Yeah! 688 00:29:57,219 --> 00:29:59,655 Goddamn it! 689 00:29:59,722 --> 00:30:01,824 (moaning) 690 00:30:01,891 --> 00:30:03,459 CARTMAN: Oh. Shh, shh. Hang on, honey. 691 00:30:03,526 --> 00:30:04,960 Hang on. 692 00:30:06,062 --> 00:30:07,563 Yeah, yeah, what's up, buddy? 693 00:30:07,630 --> 00:30:09,665 What's up is that I am over this! 694 00:30:09,732 --> 00:30:10,833 What are, what are you talking about? 695 00:30:10,900 --> 00:30:12,234 You know what I'm talking about! 696 00:30:12,301 --> 00:30:14,570 You know I can hear you through the walls! 697 00:30:14,637 --> 00:30:16,172 Okay, geez, I'm sorry. 698 00:30:16,238 --> 00:30:18,174 Sorry I was making love to my wife. 699 00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:19,642 No Jewish people have sex 700 00:30:19,709 --> 00:30:21,510 screaming about their love of Abraham! 701 00:30:21,577 --> 00:30:23,512 You are a fucking fraud! 702 00:30:23,579 --> 00:30:24,847 Is everything all right? 703 00:30:24,914 --> 00:30:26,615 Do you know that your husband once snuck 704 00:30:26,682 --> 00:30:28,918 in my room and gave me fucking AIDS?! 705 00:30:28,984 --> 00:30:31,854 - I'm sorry?! - Oh, my God, Kyle! 706 00:30:31,921 --> 00:30:34,957 If we are being too loud, please don't lash out at my wife! 707 00:30:35,024 --> 00:30:37,793 Oh, my God. Oh, my God, I don't know what to say. 708 00:30:37,860 --> 00:30:40,196 Mom, Dad, is everything okay? 709 00:30:40,262 --> 00:30:42,298 It's all right, kids. Go back to bed. 710 00:30:42,364 --> 00:30:45,267 Kyle, obviously you have a problem with us being here. 711 00:30:45,334 --> 00:30:48,637 I promise you that we will be gone first thing in the morning. 712 00:30:48,704 --> 00:30:50,673 That's probably best! 713 00:30:57,847 --> 00:30:59,548 (rhythmic rattling) 714 00:30:59,615 --> 00:31:01,050 - YENTL: Oh, yeah. - CARTMAN: Oh, yeah! 715 00:31:01,117 --> 00:31:02,551 - YENTL: Oh, yeah. - Oh, yeah, you like how Abraham 716 00:31:02,618 --> 00:31:03,819 - almost sacrificed his only son?! - Oh, yeah! 717 00:31:03,886 --> 00:31:04,787 - (moans) - CARTMAN: Yeah! 718 00:31:08,758 --> 00:31:10,826 Sir! Sir, the townspeople are demanding 719 00:31:10,893 --> 00:31:12,628 to know when the quarantine will end. 720 00:31:12,695 --> 00:31:15,731 It'll end when we get the order that everything is safe. 721 00:31:15,798 --> 00:31:19,001 But, sir, the people inside are running out of supplies. 722 00:31:19,068 --> 00:31:20,469 They're saying they don't have nearly enough 723 00:31:20,536 --> 00:31:22,571 chin diapers and people are starting to fight. 724 00:31:22,638 --> 00:31:27,543 I have strict orders not to let anything in or out of this town. 725 00:31:27,610 --> 00:31:30,579 They'll just have to make do the best they can in there. 726 00:31:30,646 --> 00:31:33,983 Hopefully they can maintain some sense of humanity. 727 00:31:34,049 --> 00:31:35,584 SOLDIER: We got a runner! 728 00:31:35,651 --> 00:31:37,553 Another one trying to get out! 729 00:31:37,620 --> 00:31:38,921 Please! 730 00:31:38,988 --> 00:31:41,257 I just need to go to a sporting event! 731 00:31:41,323 --> 00:31:42,992 (gunshot) 732 00:31:44,794 --> 00:31:47,530 (school bell rings) 733 00:31:47,596 --> 00:31:49,832 (busy chatter) 734 00:31:50,800 --> 00:31:52,568 (yawns) 735 00:31:52,635 --> 00:31:54,603 (smacking lips) 736 00:31:54,670 --> 00:31:57,106 (toilet flushes) 737 00:32:01,343 --> 00:32:04,280 Hey, Clyde. Clyde, can we talk to you for a second? 738 00:32:04,346 --> 00:32:05,447 Sure, what's up? 739 00:32:05,514 --> 00:32:08,551 Look, Clyde, we all really respect 740 00:32:08,617 --> 00:32:11,120 your personal p-p-preferences. 741 00:32:11,187 --> 00:32:14,256 But we have things we really need to get back to. 742 00:32:14,323 --> 00:32:17,259 We've got jobs a-and careers, people who need us. 743 00:32:17,326 --> 00:32:19,261 B-But we're being forced to stay here. 744 00:32:19,328 --> 00:32:22,364 So could you maybe just... just get vaccinated real quick? 745 00:32:22,431 --> 00:32:24,800 Oh. Um... 746 00:32:24,867 --> 00:32:27,236 Nah. I don't wanna. 747 00:32:27,303 --> 00:32:28,571 (all groaning) 748 00:32:28,637 --> 00:32:31,073 Look, I'm sorry, guys. It's for health reasons. 749 00:32:31,140 --> 00:32:33,976 I can't get vaccinated 'cause I'm allergic to shellfish. 750 00:32:34,043 --> 00:32:37,947 Clyde, there's no shellfish in the COVID vaccine. 751 00:32:38,013 --> 00:32:39,982 I know, but I read that sometimes 752 00:32:40,049 --> 00:32:41,884 in the lab where the vaccine is made, 753 00:32:41,951 --> 00:32:43,752 if somebody ate shellfish, 754 00:32:43,819 --> 00:32:45,254 then it can get cross-contaminated 755 00:32:45,321 --> 00:32:48,224 and have leftover residual shellfish-ness. 756 00:32:48,290 --> 00:32:50,993 So you're saying you won't take the COVID vaccine 757 00:32:51,060 --> 00:32:52,728 out of shellfish-ness. 758 00:32:52,795 --> 00:32:54,163 Yes, that is correct. 759 00:32:54,230 --> 00:32:56,799 Just a general sense of shellfish-ness. 760 00:32:56,866 --> 00:32:59,535 Everyone, you better come check this out. 761 00:33:01,036 --> 00:33:02,171 Look at this. 762 00:33:02,238 --> 00:33:04,573 CRAIG: The McCormick Science Wing 763 00:33:04,640 --> 00:33:06,742 at South Park Elementary. 764 00:33:06,809 --> 00:33:08,811 Yeah, so? I read about this. 765 00:33:08,878 --> 00:33:10,112 Kenny donated tons of money 766 00:33:10,179 --> 00:33:11,847 to build a science center for the students. 767 00:33:11,914 --> 00:33:13,315 Yeah, for the students. 768 00:33:13,382 --> 00:33:15,351 So why does it have a lock on it? 769 00:33:15,417 --> 00:33:17,586 ♪ ♪ 770 00:33:17,653 --> 00:33:18,787 (banging) 771 00:33:18,854 --> 00:33:21,090 (chain rattles) 772 00:33:27,263 --> 00:33:30,165 WENDY: This must be where Kenny was doing all his research. 773 00:33:30,232 --> 00:33:33,769 He didn't want to be found, so he used the school as cover. 774 00:33:33,836 --> 00:33:37,907 Uh, guys, why is there blood everywhere? 775 00:33:39,241 --> 00:33:40,776 Everybody see what you can find. 776 00:33:40,843 --> 00:33:43,879 There's got to be a clue here of who killed Kenny. 777 00:33:45,848 --> 00:33:47,783 (electronic drumbeat playing) 778 00:33:47,850 --> 00:33:49,585 ♪ In the future ♪ 779 00:33:50,419 --> 00:33:53,355 ♪ We are living in the future ♪ 780 00:33:54,123 --> 00:33:55,324 ♪ It's the future. ♪ 781 00:33:55,391 --> 00:33:56,592 (music stops) 782 00:34:00,229 --> 00:34:02,631 MALE VOICE: And we are the fastest growing retirement home 783 00:34:02,698 --> 00:34:05,401 in Park County. With our newest tower, 784 00:34:05,467 --> 00:34:08,804 we can now house over 600,000 old people. 785 00:34:08,871 --> 00:34:13,842 'Cause in the future you're old for a long, long time. 786 00:34:13,909 --> 00:34:17,546 (indistinct chatter, grumbling) 787 00:34:17,613 --> 00:34:20,883 (pained groaning) 788 00:34:20,950 --> 00:34:22,251 Can I help you? 789 00:34:22,318 --> 00:34:26,021 My name is Stan Marsh. I came to... 790 00:34:26,088 --> 00:34:28,357 visit my dad. 791 00:34:28,424 --> 00:34:29,825 (knocking) 792 00:34:29,892 --> 00:34:33,529 Mr. Marsh. Mr. Marsh, guess what. 793 00:34:33,595 --> 00:34:35,497 Your son is here. 794 00:34:37,499 --> 00:34:39,435 I don't have a son. 795 00:34:39,501 --> 00:34:43,706 Oh, come on, Mr. Marsh, don't be a grumpy pants. 796 00:34:43,772 --> 00:34:46,875 You tell that piece of shit that if he wants to 797 00:34:46,942 --> 00:34:49,345 talk to me, he can write an email. 798 00:34:49,411 --> 00:34:52,247 Tell that little pussy if I had any grandkids, 799 00:34:52,314 --> 00:34:54,216 maybe I wouldn't be so bitter 800 00:34:54,283 --> 00:34:56,852 at having such a little bitch for a son! 801 00:34:56,919 --> 00:34:59,688 - Hi, Dad. - Oh, hey, Stan. 802 00:34:59,755 --> 00:35:02,091 I'll leave you two alone. 803 00:35:06,595 --> 00:35:10,466 So, looks like the Broncos still suck. 804 00:35:10,532 --> 00:35:11,867 Yup. 805 00:35:13,869 --> 00:35:15,204 Well, it was nice seeing ya. 806 00:35:15,270 --> 00:35:16,739 Thanks for coming to visit. 807 00:35:16,805 --> 00:35:18,107 I didn't come to visit. 808 00:35:18,173 --> 00:35:19,808 Trust me, I don't want to be here. 809 00:35:19,875 --> 00:35:23,212 Right, like you didn't want to murder your sister. 810 00:35:23,278 --> 00:35:26,148 What happened to Shelley was your fault, not mine! 811 00:35:26,215 --> 00:35:29,218 Yeah, like it was my fault your mom shot herself! 812 00:35:29,284 --> 00:35:31,253 Yes, it actually was! 813 00:35:31,320 --> 00:35:34,890 Your mom died the day her daughter burned to death! 814 00:35:36,892 --> 00:35:39,495 I'm just here because of Kenny. 815 00:35:39,561 --> 00:35:42,965 Why would he have Tegridy Weed in his equations? 816 00:35:46,235 --> 00:35:48,337 Dr. McCormick mentioned Tegridy? 817 00:35:48,404 --> 00:35:51,740 It seemed to somehow fit into some grand theory he had. 818 00:35:51,807 --> 00:35:55,511 He knew. He knew it was the way to fix it all. 819 00:35:55,577 --> 00:36:00,482 He knew... about the Pandemic Special. 820 00:36:03,252 --> 00:36:06,255 But, Mom, why do we have to leave? 821 00:36:06,321 --> 00:36:07,856 It's not safe outside! 822 00:36:07,923 --> 00:36:09,358 We aren't welcome here, children. 823 00:36:09,425 --> 00:36:11,360 We have to find another place to stay. 824 00:36:11,427 --> 00:36:13,429 Oh, no, this is just like when our people were 825 00:36:13,495 --> 00:36:15,497 exiled from the Holy Lands. 826 00:36:15,564 --> 00:36:17,766 Mrs. Cartman, can I talk to you, please? 827 00:36:17,833 --> 00:36:19,768 - Uncle Kyle! - Uncle Kyle, 828 00:36:19,835 --> 00:36:22,037 why are you making us go? Why? 829 00:36:22,104 --> 00:36:23,605 Is it 'cause we're Jews? 830 00:36:23,672 --> 00:36:26,875 Mrs. Cartman, I'm sorry for last night. 831 00:36:26,942 --> 00:36:32,114 I was just... tired and it was extremely inappropriate of me. 832 00:36:32,181 --> 00:36:33,148 BOTH: Dad! 833 00:36:33,215 --> 00:36:34,450 I think Uncle Kyle 834 00:36:34,516 --> 00:36:36,351 is gonna let us stay, Papa! 835 00:36:36,418 --> 00:36:40,989 Uh, no, kids, I'm sorry, but we can't stay here with Uncle Kyle. 836 00:36:41,056 --> 00:36:44,626 Please stay. I am asking you to stay. 837 00:36:44,693 --> 00:36:47,029 Can we, Dad? We'll be good, we promise! 838 00:36:47,096 --> 00:36:49,364 You little ones are always good. 839 00:36:49,431 --> 00:36:53,068 ♪ Mik-helm, Mik-helm, mit cloiska pudding ♪ 840 00:36:53,135 --> 00:36:55,504 ♪ Vil plotz vit laughter, too ♪ 841 00:36:55,571 --> 00:36:56,638 Stop it! 842 00:36:56,705 --> 00:36:57,806 (doorbell rings) 843 00:36:57,873 --> 00:37:00,142 ♪ Someone is at the door! ♪ 844 00:37:00,209 --> 00:37:03,912 - ♪ Yeah! This is the doorbell! ♪ - (yells) 845 00:37:03,979 --> 00:37:05,981 ♪ It is the future! ♪ 846 00:37:06,048 --> 00:37:07,916 They killed Kenny... 847 00:37:07,983 --> 00:37:10,085 because he was trying to stop it. 848 00:37:10,152 --> 00:37:11,987 Stop what? 849 00:37:12,054 --> 00:37:13,522 We found Kenny's lab. 850 00:37:13,589 --> 00:37:16,592 All of his confidential work and his wild experiments. 851 00:37:16,658 --> 00:37:20,362 Kenny wasn't just trying to find the source of the coronavirus. 852 00:37:20,429 --> 00:37:22,397 He was trying to go back in time, 853 00:37:22,464 --> 00:37:25,000 and stop the pandemic from ever happening. 854 00:37:25,067 --> 00:37:27,436 ♪ ♪ 855 00:37:27,503 --> 00:37:30,772 (woman speaking Japanese) 856 00:37:30,839 --> 00:37:32,674 Okay, old people. 857 00:37:32,741 --> 00:37:35,010 It's 4:00. You know what that means. 858 00:37:35,077 --> 00:37:36,879 It's share time! 859 00:37:36,945 --> 00:37:38,547 (all grumbling) 860 00:37:38,614 --> 00:37:40,749 Who has something that they want to share? 861 00:37:40,816 --> 00:37:42,050 Mr. Garrison? 862 00:37:42,117 --> 00:37:45,053 I'd like to share my dick in your mouth. 863 00:37:45,120 --> 00:37:48,257 - (laughter) - M'kay. 864 00:37:48,323 --> 00:37:50,559 Okay, guys, let's settle down. 865 00:37:50,626 --> 00:37:54,062 Look, I know sharing feelings is hard during this time of crisis. 866 00:37:54,129 --> 00:37:57,199 Is anyone feeling nervous about the new COVID outbreak? 867 00:37:57,266 --> 00:37:59,268 (grumbling) 868 00:37:59,334 --> 00:38:01,637 We don't want you to worry, because, you know, 869 00:38:01,703 --> 00:38:04,072 it's the future... we all do everything we can 870 00:38:04,139 --> 00:38:06,074 to make sure old people don't die. 871 00:38:06,141 --> 00:38:07,643 (all groaning) 872 00:38:07,709 --> 00:38:09,711 Okay, if nobody else wants to go first, 873 00:38:09,778 --> 00:38:11,647 Randy Marsh had a little visitor today 874 00:38:11,713 --> 00:38:14,249 and he'd like to share that with all of you. 875 00:38:14,316 --> 00:38:18,420 Uh, hey, everyone. I had a special visitor today. 876 00:38:18,487 --> 00:38:20,055 My "son." 877 00:38:20,122 --> 00:38:22,791 Who hasn't come to see me in over 20 years. 878 00:38:22,858 --> 00:38:25,127 And I have some things I need to tell him 879 00:38:25,194 --> 00:38:27,062 but it's hard because... 880 00:38:27,129 --> 00:38:28,597 he killed his mom and his sister. 881 00:38:28,664 --> 00:38:31,066 Okay, okay, here's what happened. 882 00:38:31,133 --> 00:38:32,501 Oh, here we go, here we go. 883 00:38:32,568 --> 00:38:34,970 After the pandemic, my mom wanted a divorce 884 00:38:35,037 --> 00:38:36,772 and she owned half of the farm. 885 00:38:36,838 --> 00:38:39,274 She didn't own half, she always hated weed, 886 00:38:39,341 --> 00:38:40,842 and she didn't do shit for the farm. 887 00:38:40,909 --> 00:38:43,445 He wouldn't give her half the farm, so I got sick 888 00:38:43,512 --> 00:38:44,780 of their fighting and decided to burn 889 00:38:44,846 --> 00:38:46,615 the whole stupid farm to the ground. 890 00:38:46,682 --> 00:38:49,351 And his sister was in the barn and she burned to death. 891 00:38:49,418 --> 00:38:51,620 Because you locked her in the barn 'cause she wouldn't 892 00:38:51,687 --> 00:38:54,356 do her weed chores 'cause she hated weed, too! 893 00:38:54,423 --> 00:38:56,525 Yes, she had a marijuana problem. 894 00:38:56,592 --> 00:38:59,094 And so his mother couldn't take the loss 895 00:38:59,161 --> 00:39:01,129 of Shelley and so she killed herself! 896 00:39:01,196 --> 00:39:02,831 Which is your fault. 897 00:39:02,898 --> 00:39:04,199 You were the one who 898 00:39:04,266 --> 00:39:05,434 burned the family business to the ground. 899 00:39:05,500 --> 00:39:06,902 You guys are hearing this, right? 900 00:39:08,937 --> 00:39:12,841 So, Kenny spends years researching time travel, 901 00:39:12,908 --> 00:39:14,710 then suddenly Kenny dies, 902 00:39:14,776 --> 00:39:17,212 and all his fellow scientists go missing. 903 00:39:17,279 --> 00:39:19,948 Just leaving behind a trail of blood. 904 00:39:20,015 --> 00:39:22,284 Seems like all of the scientists were murdered 905 00:39:22,351 --> 00:39:24,820 so that nobody could complete Kenny's work. 906 00:39:24,886 --> 00:39:26,321 All of them except one. 907 00:39:26,388 --> 00:39:28,223 In almost all this research, 908 00:39:28,290 --> 00:39:31,860 one name keeps popping up: Victor Chouce. 909 00:39:31,927 --> 00:39:35,030 It appears that Chouce was Kenny's right-hand man. 910 00:39:35,097 --> 00:39:36,698 But he was insane. 911 00:39:36,765 --> 00:39:38,834 He's been locked up for years inside a mental institution. 912 00:39:38,900 --> 00:39:41,169 Oh, come on. Now we're gonna start talking 913 00:39:41,236 --> 00:39:42,838 to certifiably crazy people? 914 00:39:42,904 --> 00:39:45,841 Crazy or not, we find this Victor Chouce 915 00:39:45,907 --> 00:39:48,844 and we find where Kenny hid the information. 916 00:39:48,910 --> 00:39:50,946 ♪ ♪ 917 00:39:52,714 --> 00:39:54,950 (crazed chatter and wailing) 918 00:39:56,551 --> 00:39:58,053 WARDEN (echoes): Yes. 919 00:39:58,120 --> 00:39:59,755 Yes, that is correct. 920 00:39:59,821 --> 00:40:02,758 Victor Chouce is one of our patients here. 921 00:40:02,824 --> 00:40:05,327 What is the nature of your inquiry? 922 00:40:05,394 --> 00:40:07,996 We have reason to believe that Victor Chouce 923 00:40:08,063 --> 00:40:10,899 can answer questions regarding our friend's death. 924 00:40:10,966 --> 00:40:12,934 Could you put him on the line please? 925 00:40:13,001 --> 00:40:15,203 I'm afraid that's impossible. 926 00:40:15,270 --> 00:40:19,574 Victor is too unstable for phone calls. They confuse him. 927 00:40:19,641 --> 00:40:22,611 Well, can we come talk to him in person then? 928 00:40:23,679 --> 00:40:26,248 Yes, I believe that could be arranged. 929 00:40:26,315 --> 00:40:29,284 As long as the proper protocols are met. 930 00:40:29,351 --> 00:40:32,521 Is everyone in your party vaccinated? 931 00:40:34,122 --> 00:40:35,424 No. 932 00:40:35,490 --> 00:40:37,459 Well, then I'm afraid we can't allow you 933 00:40:37,526 --> 00:40:38,960 into our facility. 934 00:40:39,027 --> 00:40:42,197 But-but we have to talk to him! It's urgent! 935 00:40:42,264 --> 00:40:43,465 What'd they say? 936 00:40:43,532 --> 00:40:44,866 They're not gonna let us see him! 937 00:40:44,933 --> 00:40:47,636 It's some kind of goddamn conspiracy! 938 00:40:49,104 --> 00:40:52,841 (woman speaking Japanese) 939 00:40:57,546 --> 00:40:59,448 Listen to me, it's very simple. 940 00:40:59,514 --> 00:41:01,883 I need to take my dad out of here. 941 00:41:01,950 --> 00:41:03,118 He has to come with me. 942 00:41:03,185 --> 00:41:04,986 I'm afraid that's impossible. 943 00:41:05,053 --> 00:41:07,656 Senior citizens are in here to keep them safe. 944 00:41:07,723 --> 00:41:11,326 You know, it's the future... we can't let old people die. 945 00:41:11,393 --> 00:41:13,895 - I told you, stupid. - Shut up, Dad. 946 00:41:13,962 --> 00:41:16,832 Look, there's a chance we can help fight this new variant. 947 00:41:16,898 --> 00:41:18,800 I just need him out for a couple hours 948 00:41:18,867 --> 00:41:20,302 so we can get something important. 949 00:41:20,369 --> 00:41:21,837 Well, why don't you just go get it? 950 00:41:21,903 --> 00:41:24,139 Because he won't tell me where it is because 951 00:41:24,206 --> 00:41:26,908 - he doesn't trust me. - Because he killed his mom. 952 00:41:27,676 --> 00:41:29,845 Look, I'm sorry, but this is the future. 953 00:41:29,911 --> 00:41:32,814 Nothing is more important than keeping old people alive. 954 00:41:32,881 --> 00:41:34,483 What if you took him out there and, God forbid, 955 00:41:34,549 --> 00:41:35,917 he crapped his pants? 956 00:41:35,984 --> 00:41:37,452 And then slipped on the old people diarrhea 957 00:41:37,519 --> 00:41:38,854 and hit his head? 958 00:41:38,920 --> 00:41:40,188 We'd have to shut down the entire country, 959 00:41:40,255 --> 00:41:41,256 for Christ's sake. 960 00:41:41,323 --> 00:41:43,191 Well, I guess that's it. 961 00:41:43,258 --> 00:41:45,761 Only one way out now. 962 00:41:49,097 --> 00:41:50,532 Kick him in the balls, Stan! 963 00:41:50,599 --> 00:41:52,000 - What?! - Kick him in the balls! 964 00:41:52,067 --> 00:41:54,336 - Come on, hurry! - Get your hands off of me! 965 00:41:54,403 --> 00:41:55,971 - Dad! - Goddamn it, Stan, 966 00:41:56,037 --> 00:41:58,974 kick his fucking balls so we can go! 967 00:41:59,040 --> 00:42:00,509 - Fuck! - (groans) 968 00:42:00,575 --> 00:42:04,446 Okay, grab his keys! Grab his keys, you stupid ass! 969 00:42:05,547 --> 00:42:08,216 (coughing and groaning) 970 00:42:08,283 --> 00:42:09,818 (alert beeping) 971 00:42:09,885 --> 00:42:12,988 FEMALE VOICE: Warning. Warning. Old person has escaped. 972 00:42:13,054 --> 00:42:16,224 Old person has escaped. Warning. 973 00:42:16,291 --> 00:42:19,060 (woman speaking Japanese) 974 00:42:19,127 --> 00:42:20,896 (alarm blaring) 975 00:42:23,064 --> 00:42:25,667 (sirens wailing) 976 00:42:25,734 --> 00:42:27,536 All of these documents we found in Kenny's lab 977 00:42:27,602 --> 00:42:30,372 referred to possible origins of the coronavirus. 978 00:42:30,439 --> 00:42:32,307 He wanted to go back and stop it. 979 00:42:32,374 --> 00:42:35,243 But to stop it, he had to figure out how to bend time. 980 00:42:35,310 --> 00:42:39,214 Exactly. There's notes... years and years of research 981 00:42:39,281 --> 00:42:40,582 that Kenny compiled... 982 00:42:40,649 --> 00:42:42,751 all on the possibilities of time travel. 983 00:42:42,818 --> 00:42:44,853 CARTMAN (giggling): You silly girl. 984 00:42:44,920 --> 00:42:47,722 You, yes. Who's a little mister, yes. 985 00:42:47,789 --> 00:42:49,257 Who's a little hetzpah? 986 00:42:49,324 --> 00:42:50,859 Who's my little meshugana? 987 00:42:50,926 --> 00:42:52,394 Excuse me! 988 00:42:52,461 --> 00:42:53,995 Geez, sorry, Kyle. 989 00:42:54,062 --> 00:42:56,398 Kenny was researching the nature of space-time 990 00:42:56,465 --> 00:42:58,600 to see if some kind of bending was possible. 991 00:42:58,667 --> 00:43:01,603 But then suddenly, all the research just gets cut off. 992 00:43:01,670 --> 00:43:03,605 Because whoever made the pandemic happen 993 00:43:03,672 --> 00:43:05,874 killed Kenny before he could go back and stop it. 994 00:43:05,941 --> 00:43:08,243 CARTMAN (giggling): Silly girl. Yes. 995 00:43:08,310 --> 00:43:10,445 Will you please knock it off?! 996 00:43:10,512 --> 00:43:12,047 What's the problem, Kyle? 997 00:43:12,113 --> 00:43:13,949 You know what you're doing, fat-ass! 998 00:43:14,015 --> 00:43:16,751 Goddamn it, why don't you lay off my fuckin' dad, Uncle Kyle! 999 00:43:16,818 --> 00:43:19,454 Moisha! He's never talked like that before. 1000 00:43:19,521 --> 00:43:20,789 I'm sorry, Mom. It's just... 1001 00:43:20,856 --> 00:43:23,124 Uncle Kyle, he makes me so crazy! 1002 00:43:23,191 --> 00:43:25,026 That is not okay, Moisha. 1003 00:43:25,093 --> 00:43:28,797 But it's true, Dad. Uncle Kyle makes me crazy, too! 1004 00:43:28,864 --> 00:43:31,266 - (scoffs) Menorah! - Fuck you, Kyle. 1005 00:43:31,333 --> 00:43:33,301 (gasps) Hackelm! 1006 00:43:33,368 --> 00:43:35,303 You guys, listen. In Kenny's work 1007 00:43:35,370 --> 00:43:37,973 he talks about where he would hide important information. 1008 00:43:38,039 --> 00:43:40,442 He says his friends will always know where to look 1009 00:43:40,509 --> 00:43:43,144 if they just think like kids again. 1010 00:43:44,145 --> 00:43:46,181 Think like kids again... 1011 00:43:47,215 --> 00:43:50,085 I know where Kenny hid what we're looking for. 1012 00:43:50,151 --> 00:43:52,387 It's up his ass. 1013 00:43:58,059 --> 00:43:59,594 Who's the broad? 1014 00:43:59,661 --> 00:44:01,730 That's just my Alexa. 1015 00:44:02,631 --> 00:44:04,165 That's the best you could do, huh? 1016 00:44:04,232 --> 00:44:05,467 Is it even the new one? 1017 00:44:05,534 --> 00:44:07,969 - Excuse me? - Just ignore him. 1018 00:44:08,837 --> 00:44:10,906 Okay, fine, there's a new upgrade available 1019 00:44:10,972 --> 00:44:12,507 for your Amazon Prime membership. 1020 00:44:12,574 --> 00:44:14,009 Would you like to know more? 1021 00:44:14,075 --> 00:44:15,443 Not now, please. 1022 00:44:15,510 --> 00:44:18,179 Okay, so I guess just fuck me, then? 1023 00:44:19,915 --> 00:44:21,850 Uh-huh. 1024 00:44:25,520 --> 00:44:26,922 (car beeps) 1025 00:44:31,426 --> 00:44:33,662 ♪ ♪ 1026 00:44:38,099 --> 00:44:40,802 This was once such a magical place. 1027 00:44:40,869 --> 00:44:42,637 Can we just get this over with? 1028 00:44:42,704 --> 00:44:44,205 I don't want to be here. 1029 00:44:44,272 --> 00:44:45,807 You think I want to be here? 1030 00:44:45,874 --> 00:44:48,877 This is where I lost everything that I cared about! 1031 00:44:48,944 --> 00:44:51,012 And your mom and your sister! 1032 00:44:57,519 --> 00:44:59,554 Dad, there's nothing here. 1033 00:45:00,555 --> 00:45:01,723 Dad? 1034 00:45:01,790 --> 00:45:03,491 I think I can trust you now, Stan. 1035 00:45:03,558 --> 00:45:07,395 It's time for you to learn what your friend Kenny was after. 1036 00:45:07,462 --> 00:45:10,732 When the pandemic started, you were only a kid. 1037 00:45:10,799 --> 00:45:14,202 You don't remember the pain we all went through. 1038 00:45:14,269 --> 00:45:15,537 Yeah, I do. 1039 00:45:15,604 --> 00:45:18,406 We as Americans went through so much. 1040 00:45:18,473 --> 00:45:22,744 First, that incompetent jack-hole was elected president. 1041 00:45:22,811 --> 00:45:26,247 Then the pandemic came, and then the race wars. 1042 00:45:26,314 --> 00:45:30,352 And then just when it seemed like we'd turned a corner, 1043 00:45:30,418 --> 00:45:35,757 Space Jam 2 came out, and we all just kind of gave up. 1044 00:45:35,824 --> 00:45:39,260 What we lost, Stan, was our Tegridy. 1045 00:45:39,327 --> 00:45:41,429 But it was all by design. 1046 00:45:41,496 --> 00:45:43,531 They needed us to lose it. 1047 00:45:43,598 --> 00:45:44,766 Who did? 1048 00:45:44,833 --> 00:45:47,435 Who would want us to lose our optimism 1049 00:45:47,502 --> 00:45:49,871 and start fighting with each other? 1050 00:45:49,938 --> 00:45:50,772 China. 1051 00:45:50,839 --> 00:45:53,775 - China? - China. 1052 00:45:53,842 --> 00:45:56,044 They're the superpower now. 1053 00:45:56,111 --> 00:45:59,014 The future is totally theirs and we let it happen. 1054 00:45:59,080 --> 00:46:01,616 A man in China had sex with a pangolin 1055 00:46:01,683 --> 00:46:04,619 and that started COVID. That man was me. 1056 00:46:04,686 --> 00:46:06,121 So I knew how to go back 1057 00:46:06,187 --> 00:46:07,622 and stop them from taking over... 1058 00:46:07,689 --> 00:46:09,357 Wait, whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait. 1059 00:46:09,424 --> 00:46:11,059 You started COVID? 1060 00:46:11,126 --> 00:46:13,061 Yes, but that's besides the point. 1061 00:46:13,128 --> 00:46:15,397 China used me like they used us all. 1062 00:46:15,463 --> 00:46:18,466 So I came up with a way to help everyone fight back. 1063 00:46:18,533 --> 00:46:20,835 A special Tegridy weed. 1064 00:46:21,803 --> 00:46:23,304 You had sex with a pangolin 1065 00:46:23,371 --> 00:46:26,241 in China and started the whole pandemic?! 1066 00:46:26,307 --> 00:46:28,476 Will you listen to what I'm saying?! 1067 00:46:28,543 --> 00:46:31,279 Gal! I worked to create more Tegridy, 1068 00:46:31,346 --> 00:46:34,149 but China did everything they could to stop me. 1069 00:46:34,215 --> 00:46:35,884 They even got to my son. 1070 00:46:35,950 --> 00:46:38,887 Who burned all of Tegridy Farms to the ground. 1071 00:46:38,953 --> 00:46:41,222 But what you didn't even know 1072 00:46:41,289 --> 00:46:44,626 was that I had secretly created a new strain of weed. 1073 00:46:44,693 --> 00:46:48,730 A weed so powerful, I couldn't even call it a special. 1074 00:46:48,797 --> 00:46:50,932 It was more like an event. 1075 00:46:50,999 --> 00:46:53,568 I hid it away all these years. 1076 00:46:53,635 --> 00:46:58,239 And now it... is the key to saving us all. 1077 00:47:01,076 --> 00:47:02,977 (whirring) 1078 00:47:07,882 --> 00:47:09,851 - Where the fuck is it? - What? 1079 00:47:09,918 --> 00:47:13,154 The Tegridy Weed Special Event! Where the fuck is it?! 1080 00:47:13,221 --> 00:47:14,689 I don't know, Dad! 1081 00:47:14,756 --> 00:47:17,158 They got it. They took it! 1082 00:47:17,225 --> 00:47:19,094 There's even fresh footprints on the ground! 1083 00:47:19,160 --> 00:47:20,695 Oh, Jesus! 1084 00:47:20,762 --> 00:47:22,831 So maybe it wasn't the Chinese. 1085 00:47:22,897 --> 00:47:26,935 Yeah, no, it was definitely the Chinese. Oh, God. 1086 00:47:27,001 --> 00:47:30,605 That was it! That was the very last bit of Tegridy! 1087 00:47:30,672 --> 00:47:33,541 The only other thing I had were some seeds that I hid 1088 00:47:33,608 --> 00:47:37,479 up my ass, but they took them from me at the old folks home! 1089 00:47:37,545 --> 00:47:39,547 Wait a minute. What did you say? 1090 00:47:39,614 --> 00:47:42,650 I said they took them from me at the old folks home. 1091 00:47:42,717 --> 00:47:43,852 No, before that. 1092 00:47:43,918 --> 00:47:47,322 Oh. I said I hid 'em up my ass. 1093 00:47:47,388 --> 00:47:51,559 Jesus. It's so simple. How did we not get it? 1094 00:47:51,626 --> 00:47:53,628 Alexa, start the car! 1095 00:47:54,596 --> 00:47:56,865 There's no point now, son! 1096 00:47:56,931 --> 00:47:58,733 It's all gone. 1097 00:47:58,800 --> 00:48:02,070 It's all lost. All lost. 1098 00:48:02,137 --> 00:48:05,306 VOICE (whispering): Randy. 1099 00:48:05,373 --> 00:48:08,343 Randy. 1100 00:48:08,409 --> 00:48:10,578 Ah...? 1101 00:48:10,645 --> 00:48:13,114 MAN (over P.A.): ICU, please. Blue Team, ICU. 1102 00:48:14,983 --> 00:48:17,752 (indistinct chatter) 1103 00:48:19,254 --> 00:48:21,222 "Un-cle Kyle." 1104 00:48:22,724 --> 00:48:26,327 "Uncle Kyle." Say it, Hackelm. 1105 00:48:27,595 --> 00:48:31,666 - "Uncle Kyle." - Fuck you, Kyle. 1106 00:48:31,733 --> 00:48:35,370 No, no, no. "Uncle Kyle." 1107 00:48:35,436 --> 00:48:36,738 Fuck you, Kyle. 1108 00:48:36,805 --> 00:48:38,840 CARTMAN: Oh, my gosh, no. 1109 00:48:38,907 --> 00:48:40,875 We're so sorry about this. 1110 00:48:40,942 --> 00:48:43,678 CARTMAN: Hackelm, say "Uncle." 1111 00:48:43,745 --> 00:48:48,316 "Uncle. Uncle Kyle." 1112 00:48:49,350 --> 00:48:51,286 Fuck you, Uncle Kyle! 1113 00:48:51,352 --> 00:48:52,720 Hey, that was better. 1114 00:48:52,787 --> 00:48:54,622 It isn't gonna work. The hospital says 1115 00:48:54,689 --> 00:48:56,691 we don't have authorization to see Kenny's remains. 1116 00:48:56,758 --> 00:48:57,959 What?! 1117 00:48:58,026 --> 00:48:59,627 Sounds like someone doesn't want us 1118 00:48:59,694 --> 00:49:02,096 to see Kenny's remains. 'Cause we might find the truth. 1119 00:49:02,163 --> 00:49:04,032 There has to be a way for us to get in there. 1120 00:49:04,098 --> 00:49:06,401 - Ha ha. Fuck you, Uncle Kyle! - Hackelm. 1121 00:49:06,467 --> 00:49:08,703 STAN: What the hell are you guys doing here? 1122 00:49:09,370 --> 00:49:11,472 - Stan? - What are you doing here? 1123 00:49:11,539 --> 00:49:13,975 I've been trying to find out who killed Kenny. 1124 00:49:14,042 --> 00:49:16,611 I think I know where he stored the information. 1125 00:49:16,678 --> 00:49:17,812 BOTH: It's in his asshole. 1126 00:49:17,879 --> 00:49:19,247 - Yes. - Well, it doesn't matter. 1127 00:49:19,314 --> 00:49:20,815 They won't let us into the morgue. 1128 00:49:20,882 --> 00:49:22,584 Yeah, that's because you guys don't think. 1129 00:49:22,650 --> 00:49:23,952 Excuse me? We need to examine 1130 00:49:24,018 --> 00:49:25,987 the remains of Dr. McCormick right away. 1131 00:49:26,054 --> 00:49:27,622 Like I told the others, 1132 00:49:27,689 --> 00:49:30,558 only certified medical personnel are allowed to examine cadavers. 1133 00:49:30,625 --> 00:49:32,260 Stan Marsh, consultant 1134 00:49:32,327 --> 00:49:35,163 for Post-Modem Beveragetainment Online Services. 1135 00:49:36,397 --> 00:49:38,433 One moment, Doctor. 1136 00:49:38,499 --> 00:49:40,235 This is highly unorthodox. 1137 00:49:40,301 --> 00:49:42,670 We don't normally allow outsiders into the morgue. 1138 00:49:42,737 --> 00:49:46,808 That's understandable, Doctor, but luckily I am orthodox. 1139 00:49:46,875 --> 00:49:48,943 I don't think this is suitable for children. 1140 00:49:49,010 --> 00:49:51,279 You guys go. You were the closest to him. 1141 00:49:51,346 --> 00:49:53,381 We'll stay back and watch the kids. 1142 00:49:55,383 --> 00:49:57,185 I'm sorry we can't supply any chin diapers. 1143 00:49:57,252 --> 00:49:59,187 Just maintain social distance. 1144 00:49:59,254 --> 00:50:00,955 Middle cabinet, second from the bottom. 1145 00:50:01,022 --> 00:50:03,258 ♪ ♪ 1146 00:50:17,939 --> 00:50:19,674 Hello, old friend. 1147 00:50:19,741 --> 00:50:21,376 (rats squeaking) 1148 00:50:21,442 --> 00:50:22,944 Ah, come on! 1149 00:50:25,947 --> 00:50:27,849 Well, let's get him... 1150 00:50:27,916 --> 00:50:29,284 turned over. 1151 00:50:33,955 --> 00:50:35,290 Somebody's got to look. 1152 00:50:35,356 --> 00:50:37,058 I'm not reaching up Kenny's ass. 1153 00:50:37,125 --> 00:50:38,559 Well, somebody has to. 1154 00:50:38,626 --> 00:50:40,161 - Cartman, go ahead. - No, I can't do it. 1155 00:50:40,228 --> 00:50:41,496 If anyone should reach up Kenny's ass, 1156 00:50:41,562 --> 00:50:42,897 it should be you, Kyle. 1157 00:50:42,964 --> 00:50:44,666 I thought you were his fucking "best friend." 1158 00:50:44,732 --> 00:50:47,635 I was his best friend, but I am also married, 1159 00:50:47,702 --> 00:50:50,071 so I can't be fingering people's buttholes. 1160 00:50:50,138 --> 00:50:52,507 God, you guys fucking suck. I'll just do it. 1161 00:50:52,573 --> 00:50:54,742 Just like I always had to fix fucking everything else! 1162 00:50:54,809 --> 00:50:56,945 (rats squeaking) 1163 00:50:57,779 --> 00:50:59,213 (squishing) 1164 00:51:00,581 --> 00:51:02,550 You did not "fucking fix everything," 1165 00:51:02,617 --> 00:51:05,386 you just started acting like everyone else was stupid. 1166 00:51:05,453 --> 00:51:08,323 Oh, really? Because they were acting stupid? 1167 00:51:08,389 --> 00:51:10,725 Yeah, because you got all self-righteous about everything. 1168 00:51:10,792 --> 00:51:13,161 - I got self-righteous? - Yeah, you got self-righteous. 1169 00:51:13,227 --> 00:51:15,196 Do you know what fucking sanctimonious means? 1170 00:51:15,263 --> 00:51:17,198 No, Kyle, why don't you fucking tell me 1171 00:51:17,265 --> 00:51:18,900 what fucking sanctimonious means. 1172 00:51:18,967 --> 00:51:20,401 See, this is exactly how you acted when 1173 00:51:20,468 --> 00:51:22,170 - the pandemic started to... - Wait! 1174 00:51:22,236 --> 00:51:23,237 Hold on. 1175 00:51:23,304 --> 00:51:25,640 - (squishing) - We've got it. 1176 00:51:29,844 --> 00:51:31,379 - Oh, my God. - What? 1177 00:51:31,446 --> 00:51:34,615 It's got shit on it. That's dead people shit. 1178 00:51:35,616 --> 00:51:37,852 (retches) 1179 00:51:40,488 --> 00:51:42,123 What are you working on, Clyde? 1180 00:51:42,190 --> 00:51:44,125 I'm going through Kenny's journals again 1181 00:51:44,192 --> 00:51:45,693 to try to find some answers. 1182 00:51:45,760 --> 00:51:48,463 Seems like we just keep hitting dead ends, you know? 1183 00:51:48,529 --> 00:51:50,798 I'm just tired and I want to go home. 1184 00:51:50,865 --> 00:51:53,368 I know. I'm exhausted, too. 1185 00:51:56,004 --> 00:51:58,806 You want to maybe do a little bump? 1186 00:51:58,873 --> 00:52:00,041 Huh? 1187 00:52:00,108 --> 00:52:01,409 I was just... 1188 00:52:01,476 --> 00:52:03,978 I've got some coke and I thought we could... 1189 00:52:04,045 --> 00:52:06,214 I don't know, do you want to party? 1190 00:52:07,181 --> 00:52:08,816 Fuck yes, I want to party. 1191 00:52:08,883 --> 00:52:10,318 - Really? - Fuck yes. 1192 00:52:10,385 --> 00:52:12,220 Oh, I'm so glad you're down. 1193 00:52:12,286 --> 00:52:14,288 Nobody else is even cool enough for me to ask. 1194 00:52:14,355 --> 00:52:15,990 It's pretty good shit, too. 1195 00:52:16,057 --> 00:52:19,160 (sniffing) Oh, man. Thank God. 1196 00:52:19,227 --> 00:52:20,428 Thank God I brought this. Here ya go. 1197 00:52:20,495 --> 00:52:23,197 Fuck yes. Let's fucking party. 1198 00:52:24,499 --> 00:52:25,633 Wait a minute. 1199 00:52:26,534 --> 00:52:28,836 - What is this really? - What do you mean? 1200 00:52:28,903 --> 00:52:32,073 This isn't cocaine, it's the COVID vaccine, isn't it?! 1201 00:52:32,140 --> 00:52:34,675 I'm not putting that shit in my body! 1202 00:52:34,742 --> 00:52:36,444 Forget it, guys, it didn't work. 1203 00:52:36,511 --> 00:52:37,912 (all groaning) 1204 00:52:37,979 --> 00:52:40,681 You guys were gonna trick me into taking the vaccine?! 1205 00:52:40,748 --> 00:52:42,850 Goddamn it, Clyde, we want to get out of here! 1206 00:52:42,917 --> 00:52:46,120 My body is a temple and I'm not taking that shit! 1207 00:52:46,187 --> 00:52:48,356 Let's just face it, guys, it's over. 1208 00:52:48,423 --> 00:52:50,691 We're never going to find what Kenny was after. 1209 00:52:50,758 --> 00:52:52,994 Whoever controls the world and killed our friend 1210 00:52:53,061 --> 00:52:54,662 is just gonna get away with it. 1211 00:52:54,729 --> 00:52:56,230 KYLE: Not so fast! 1212 00:52:58,433 --> 00:53:01,869 We did it! We found Kenny's hidden information! 1213 00:53:01,936 --> 00:53:03,805 - You did? - And now we can finally 1214 00:53:03,871 --> 00:53:04,806 learn the truth! 1215 00:53:04,872 --> 00:53:06,207 Whoever Kenny was after, 1216 00:53:06,274 --> 00:53:08,776 we are gonna take those fuckers down! 1217 00:53:08,843 --> 00:53:10,144 (beeps) 1218 00:53:10,211 --> 00:53:12,113 (static crackles) 1219 00:53:12,180 --> 00:53:16,384 The date is November 3rd. It is 2:07 p.m. 1220 00:53:16,451 --> 00:53:18,853 Dr. Kenneth McCormick will now be 1221 00:53:18,920 --> 00:53:20,888 attempting to travel back in time. 1222 00:53:20,955 --> 00:53:24,959 In order to stop the COVID pandemic from ever happening. 1223 00:53:25,793 --> 00:53:26,727 He did it? 1224 00:53:26,794 --> 00:53:28,196 Dr. McCormick believes 1225 00:53:28,262 --> 00:53:29,197 that going back 1226 00:53:29,263 --> 00:53:30,665 is the only way 1227 00:53:30,731 --> 00:53:33,367 to stop the people who have ruined the future. 1228 00:53:33,434 --> 00:53:35,970 In the event of Dr. McCormick's death, 1229 00:53:36,037 --> 00:53:37,872 he wants everyone to know the group 1230 00:53:37,939 --> 00:53:40,341 that is responsible for the way things are. 1231 00:53:40,408 --> 00:53:43,044 It is, "My three dickhead friends, 1232 00:53:43,111 --> 00:53:45,480 Stan, Kyle and Cartman." 1233 00:53:46,481 --> 00:53:47,248 What?! 1234 00:53:47,315 --> 00:53:49,083 Dr. McCormick says 1235 00:53:49,150 --> 00:53:51,252 that these three completely ruined everything 1236 00:53:51,319 --> 00:53:53,654 when they let COVID break up their friendship 1237 00:53:53,721 --> 00:53:56,924 and became argumentative, combative, pessimistic assholes. 1238 00:53:56,991 --> 00:53:59,560 (muffled muttering) 1239 00:53:59,627 --> 00:54:01,562 He says he hopes you guys are watching this. 1240 00:54:01,629 --> 00:54:05,500 (muffled shouting) 1241 00:54:06,434 --> 00:54:08,769 He spent his whole life trying to fix your broship 1242 00:54:08,836 --> 00:54:10,771 and then realized this was the only way, 1243 00:54:10,838 --> 00:54:12,240 'cause you guys suck. 1244 00:54:12,306 --> 00:54:14,942 - (loud zapping) - The sequence is active! 1245 00:54:15,009 --> 00:54:17,111 The historic moment is here! 1246 00:54:17,178 --> 00:54:18,913 Godspeed, Dr. McCormick! 1247 00:54:18,980 --> 00:54:20,414 (zapping continues) 1248 00:54:20,481 --> 00:54:23,718 Wait! Dr. McCormick, you forgot your chin diaper! 1249 00:54:23,784 --> 00:54:24,952 (alarm blaring) 1250 00:54:25,019 --> 00:54:26,587 Something's wrong! 1251 00:54:26,654 --> 00:54:29,157 - (explosions) - (electronic trilling) 1252 00:54:29,924 --> 00:54:31,826 (shouting) 1253 00:54:48,876 --> 00:54:51,546 (coughing) 1254 00:54:53,948 --> 00:54:56,717 All this time, the bad guys we were after, 1255 00:54:56,784 --> 00:55:01,422 who Kenny said ruined the future, was you guys? 1256 00:55:01,489 --> 00:55:03,724 Wendy, I've been trying not to say anything but... 1257 00:55:03,791 --> 00:55:06,694 your friends are all kind of douchebags. 1258 00:55:08,563 --> 00:55:10,665 ♪ ♪ 1259 00:55:10,731 --> 00:55:12,066 Kenny was right. 1260 00:55:12,133 --> 00:55:14,235 All this time, we've been trying to figure out 1261 00:55:14,302 --> 00:55:16,904 whose fault this all was. 1262 00:55:16,971 --> 00:55:18,839 It was our fault. 1263 00:55:18,906 --> 00:55:21,075 I remember when we were kids. 1264 00:55:21,142 --> 00:55:23,644 We were so optimistic. 1265 00:55:23,711 --> 00:55:27,415 We lost that. We lost our sense of fun. 1266 00:55:27,481 --> 00:55:29,784 Our sense of humor. 1267 00:55:29,850 --> 00:55:32,787 Maybe the pandemic was a big test. 1268 00:55:32,853 --> 00:55:35,323 And we all failed. 1269 00:55:35,389 --> 00:55:37,858 Let's face it, guys. 1270 00:55:37,925 --> 00:55:39,860 We killed Kenny. 1271 00:55:43,097 --> 00:55:44,699 Yeah. Kenny was right. 1272 00:55:44,765 --> 00:55:47,468 Back in the old days, we wouldn't give up like this. 1273 00:55:47,535 --> 00:55:49,370 We would have just set out to save our friend, 1274 00:55:49,437 --> 00:55:51,439 no matter how impossible it seemed. 1275 00:55:51,505 --> 00:55:53,374 What we would have done... 1276 00:55:53,441 --> 00:55:55,042 and what we should have done then... 1277 00:55:55,109 --> 00:55:56,944 was double down on our respect 1278 00:55:57,011 --> 00:55:59,714 and our love for one another and fight through it 1279 00:55:59,780 --> 00:56:02,149 instead of fighting with each other. 1280 00:56:02,216 --> 00:56:03,884 We can save Kenny. 1281 00:56:03,951 --> 00:56:05,620 We just have to finish his work. 1282 00:56:05,686 --> 00:56:08,222 How? We don't know anything about quantum physics 1283 00:56:08,289 --> 00:56:09,824 and time travel. 1284 00:56:09,890 --> 00:56:13,394 I don't know how. But we start by believing. 1285 00:56:13,461 --> 00:56:16,330 In each other and in what is yet to come. 1286 00:56:16,397 --> 00:56:19,867 We have to go back to being those kids we once were. 1287 00:56:19,934 --> 00:56:23,404 Even if it means calling Jesus or Santa. 1288 00:56:23,471 --> 00:56:25,239 Come on, guys, we've got work to do! 1289 00:56:25,306 --> 00:56:28,142 Sounds good. I'll be right back. 1290 00:56:30,144 --> 00:56:31,912 Moisha, Hackelm, kids, get your things. 1291 00:56:31,979 --> 00:56:33,047 We need to go now. 1292 00:56:33,114 --> 00:56:34,515 What's going on, Dad? 1293 00:56:34,582 --> 00:56:36,717 Your Uncle Kyle wants to go back and change things. 1294 00:56:36,784 --> 00:56:39,153 He's going to try and change the past. 1295 00:56:39,220 --> 00:56:41,756 But I like things the way they are. 1296 00:56:41,822 --> 00:56:44,725 Me too, Dad. Do you think he'll be able to do it? 1297 00:56:44,792 --> 00:56:46,260 No, kids. 1298 00:56:46,327 --> 00:56:48,095 Fuck Uncle Kyle. 1299 00:56:48,162 --> 00:56:49,263 BOTH: Yay! 1300 00:56:49,330 --> 00:56:51,332 - Yay, Daddy! - Fuck Uncle Kyle! 1301 00:56:55,169 --> 00:56:57,438 It wasn't supposed to be like this. 1302 00:56:57,505 --> 00:57:00,608 People were supposed to get kinder in the future. 1303 00:57:01,442 --> 00:57:04,111 I'm so sorry what happened to both of you. 1304 00:57:04,178 --> 00:57:06,947 It wasn't your fault, Randy. 1305 00:57:07,014 --> 00:57:09,283 It was all Stan's fault. 1306 00:57:09,350 --> 00:57:12,920 Yes, it was all Stan's fault. 1307 00:57:13,688 --> 00:57:15,890 Thanks for saying that, you guys. 1308 00:57:15,956 --> 00:57:18,426 I'm sorry Stan sucks so hard sometimes. 1309 00:57:18,492 --> 00:57:20,795 Don't give up, Randy. 1310 00:57:20,861 --> 00:57:22,797 Humanity needs you. 1311 00:57:22,863 --> 00:57:24,465 No! 1312 00:57:24,532 --> 00:57:26,734 I can't do it alone! 1313 00:57:26,801 --> 00:57:30,304 How can things possibly go back to the way they were? 1314 00:57:30,371 --> 00:57:32,606 (wind gusting) 1315 00:57:43,284 --> 00:57:44,919 It can't be. 1316 00:57:44,985 --> 00:57:46,354 It's impossible. 1317 00:57:48,689 --> 00:57:52,960 It's the last little sprout of Tegridy. 1318 00:57:58,966 --> 00:58:01,168 I have to get you somewhere safe. 1319 00:58:01,235 --> 00:58:03,571 We have a lot of work to do. 1320 00:58:04,338 --> 00:58:06,574 ♪ ♪ 1321 00:58:11,078 --> 00:58:13,347 (footsteps echoing) 1322 00:58:17,184 --> 00:58:19,754 (people wailing) 1323 00:58:19,820 --> 00:58:22,823 (crazed laughter) 1324 00:58:24,425 --> 00:58:28,629 We just had another call asking to speak with Victor Chouce. 1325 00:58:28,696 --> 00:58:31,532 You're quite a popular man, Victor. 1326 00:58:34,935 --> 00:58:37,605 I wonder what all the fuss is about. 1327 00:58:40,608 --> 00:58:44,345 Don't feel like talking, huh? (chuckles) 1328 00:58:44,412 --> 00:58:46,614 You will. 1329 00:58:49,550 --> 00:58:51,886 ♪ We are all, you and me ♪ 1330 00:58:51,952 --> 00:58:55,689 ♪ We are all living in the future ♪ 1331 00:58:55,756 --> 00:58:58,125 ♪ We can't get stuff 'cause boats are late ♪ 1332 00:58:58,192 --> 00:59:02,396 ♪ And nobody's working in the future ♪ 1333 00:59:02,471 --> 00:59:04,275 Provided by explosiveskull https://twitter.com/kaboomskull 1334 00:59:04,365 --> 00:59:08,702 ♪ They don't sell tostadas anymore at Taco Bell ♪ 1335 00:59:08,769 --> 00:59:10,905 ♪ Welcome to the future ♪ 1336 00:59:11,806 --> 00:59:13,441 ♪ In the future ♪ 1337 00:59:14,809 --> 00:59:17,378 ♪ We are living in the future ♪ 1338 00:59:18,479 --> 00:59:20,614 ♪ It's the future ♪ 1339 00:59:21,582 --> 00:59:23,784 ♪ We're living in the future. ♪ 99785