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♪
2
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[hawk screeches]
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[panting, gasping]
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[hoarsely] Need... water...
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[shudders] Oh...
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You think they can spare some?
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[laughter]
TULIP: Oh, stop it!
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Ah! You're getting me wet and drenched!
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[panting, gasping]
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00:00:25,067 --> 00:00:26,527
♪ party music ♪
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Oh! Your Majesties, I think we're here.
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[laughter]
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Tulip, brace yourself.
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♪
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We're about to embark on
a harrowing adventure.
16
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A tacky destination wedding.
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♪ medieval theme song playing ♪
18
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Remember, we need to impress
King Rami with our newfound wealth.
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I made a mess of things
after that, uh, golf weekend,
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and we need him back
as our kingdom's ally.
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Hear that, Blossom?
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Everyone must be on their best behavior.
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Hear that, Human Shield?
Don't be fucking disgusting.
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[grunting]
[groaning, struggling]
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♪ swing music playing ♪
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[hall chatter, laughter]
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BROTH:
I can't believe Holden's
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gonna marry a prince. Should we say hi?
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We're supposed to be working.
Yeah, you're right.
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We'll just say hi from here.
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Holden! Holden! Congrats, buddy!
[crowd gasping]
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Squires for life! I hope you
wreck that dude tonight!
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Or that he wrecks you! I'm unclear on
your relationship's sexual dynamics!
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Maybe go for the flippy flop!
See what feels right!
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Okay? Mazel!
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♪ swing music continues ♪
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Well, it looks like
they have a fun chemistry.
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Merriman! Glad you could make it!
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Now, hold on, Rami.
Before you bring up Chill Society...
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Wait, yyou said
you're glad I could make it?
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Of course!
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Sorry you just got your
invitation this week.
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The guest list was quite full,
until we heard about
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your kingdom's reversal of fortune.
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Rich now, I hear?
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Oh, I don't know.
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Am I?
[clattering]
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[gasping, yelling]
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I like you with money. [laughs]
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Kill all those waiters.
[crowd gasps]
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[screaming]
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Anyway, I'll see you at
the rehearsal dinner,
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00:02:23,852 --> 00:02:26,522
which reminds me.
As a visiting head of state,
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I'd be honored if you gave a speech.
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How much time do I get?
30 minutes? 10 minutes? Tight five?
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What's the topic?
Uh, the marriage between my son
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and your squire Holden. [laughs]
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Oh! You're a real gas!
See you at the party,
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Moneybags. [chewing]
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[excited squeal]
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Rami just gave me a nickname!
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We're becoming BFFs already!
That's great, Sire.
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Oh, and now I have to give
a speech at the dinner.
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Grab some cue cards
and bring me my dream journal.
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Yes, sir.
This is great!
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And once Rami sees
the wedding gift we brought,
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it could seal the alliance
between our two empires.
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With his blood lust and our money,
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we could own the world!
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Well, that's terrifying.
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I need you to be my
righthand man this weekend.
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Your only job is to make sure
this wedding goes off without a hitch.
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And if you fail,
I'm demoting you to squire.
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Your Majesty, I am a squire.
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[laughs]
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Patrick, don't joke about that.
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Someone might think you're a squire!
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Oh! Also, who the fuck is Holden?
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See you, Mom.
I'm gonna go bet on some strippers.
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You can't leave. You must stay
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and represent our kingdom with class.
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[scoffs] Like you're doing, WineLips?
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Getting openbar hammered
is expected of a queen.
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This is my cross to bear!
[gulping, gasps]
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Besides, don't you want to meet the prince
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that your father and I
arranged for you to marry?
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What?! But I'm dating Keefer!
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Oh, yes.
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Your imaginary
ghostslashmusician boyfriend.
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So much potential there. [laughs]
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[scoffs] You should be
happy I'm dating him!
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We're practicing abstinence!
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We don't want to,
but he's a bodiless poltergeist.
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Sorry, darling. [hiccup]
It's already been arranged.
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Hence the name.
Ugh!
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Move it, you fucking tourist!
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Whoa!
[splash]
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♪
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Ah, my yearly poker shakedown.
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"Wanted for card counting, eye stabbing,
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and general female trickery!"
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Eh. When they're right, they're right.
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Lucky for me, I always carry a disguise.
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[pop]
Ha, ha!
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♪ Doot do doo doot do... ♪
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MAN 1:
Hey, that's the Pirate Queen!
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What the fuck's wrong with her eye?
[crowd gasps]
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MAN 2: Disgusting!
WOMAN: Get her outta here!
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[Coral grunting]
Don't show your face here again.
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And fix that eye, for Christ's sake.
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[growl]
[popping]
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[Coral sighs]
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[tapping glass]
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We shall now begin the toast
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for the wedding between my wonderful son,
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Prince Rami V,
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and his betrothed, Squire Holden...
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somecommonlastname
Ican'tfuckingremember.
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Ha! I'm actually the son of a duke.
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Perfect! That takes the sting
out of having your son
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marry a gay squire.
First up, King Merriman!
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I'm so nervous.
I haven't done this in a while.
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Is the word "taint" still funny?
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What?
Of course it is.
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Thank you, Rami.
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When I found out we were
coming to your sandbox,
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I was worried about taintchafing.
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But so far, so taint. [nervous laugh]
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Achoo!
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[clears throat]
Thank you! [nervous laugh]
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Now, on to the happy couple.
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Webster's Dictionary defines sodomy...
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Oh! Jesus.
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This speech is a trash fire.
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I gotta do something.
[scribbling]
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Oops. Cue cards are down.
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00:05:49,391 --> 00:05:52,521
No problem.
I'll improvise with some crowd work.
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You there, the hot little piece
of ass in the second row,
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what's your name, sweetheart?
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BLOSSOM:
Princess Blossom.
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Oh. Uh, the cue cards are back.
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Finding that person to spend
the rest of your life with
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is always worth celebrating.
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I wish that your union
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brings you the same happiness
I have found in mine.
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[applause]
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[blows raspberry]
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Wow. I really slayed up there.
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Even though you cut my titty joke.
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You know how hard it is to work
a titty joke into a gay wedding?
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Merriman, thank you for that...
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heartfelt speech.
Let's talk about the alliance
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between our kingdoms
after the wedding tomorrow.
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[gasps] We have to keep impressing Rami!
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Go to the hotel
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and make sure our wedding
gift is ready for tomorrow!
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[giggling]
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RAMI V:
Dad, come on. I don't want to marry
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some swampland duke's kid.
Stop complaining!
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You just need to play the part
until tomorrow.
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Looking for something?
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[gasp, whine]
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Patrick, stop pestering my inlaws.
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Prince Rami sounded upset.
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Is everything okay between you two?
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Of course. We're great. Perfect.
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Well, King Rami said something about
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"playing the part until tomorrow."
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It sounded serious.
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You're just jealous
I'm marrying a prince,
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and you're still a squire.
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Excuse me, I need to go yell at a caterer.
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He didn't do anything wrong.
It's preventative.
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Jonathan! You call that foie gras?!
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♪
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[growls]
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[gasps]
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[gulping]
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Good god, Tulip. You're smashed.
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I am? [hiccup] Hooray! [laughs]
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Garçon! This queen requires
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more mac and cheese balls, please.
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00:07:30,909 --> 00:07:33,579
Your eighth cheese ball, m'lady.
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00:07:33,579 --> 00:07:36,619
And I'll eat eight more...
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[noisy chewing]
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King Kevin? Is that you?
187
00:07:41,086 --> 00:07:43,666
How the hell did you go
from king to cater waiter?
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00:07:43,672 --> 00:07:46,222
Oh, it's just plain old Kevin now.
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Rami conquered my kingdom.
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00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:50,965
It was this or the guillotine.
But, you know, it's not so bad.
191
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:54,181
Unless you're, you know,
serving belligerent royals.
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[blows raspberry]
Tulip,
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if we hadn't struck it rich,
that could've been us.
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How embarrassing for King Kevin.
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[hiccup] Oh!
[glass breaking]
196
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PATRICK: "Wanted.
Kill at your earliest convenience"?
197
00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:08,200
Wow. I'm impressed, Ruben.
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00:08:08,197 --> 00:08:10,487
They hate you in more
places than I thought.
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00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,740
Ah!
Oh! Are you trying
200
00:08:12,743 --> 00:08:14,293
to give me a heart attack?
201
00:08:14,286 --> 00:08:16,956
Why are you in the king's hotel room?
And what the hell is that?
202
00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:20,075
This is the king's wedding gift.
The ancient sarcophagus
203
00:08:20,083 --> 00:08:23,133
Merriman's grandfather
stole from this kingdom
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00:08:23,128 --> 00:08:24,798
during the Great War.
205
00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:28,046
Merriman is returning it
and wanted me to... glam it up.
206
00:08:28,050 --> 00:08:31,010
Ooh... Ah...
207
00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:32,891
Oh my god...
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00:08:32,888 --> 00:08:36,228
Right? I'll come back later
to pour on just a few more
209
00:08:36,225 --> 00:08:37,635
dozen rhinestones.
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They may have vandalized you,
but I'll look after you
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00:08:40,604 --> 00:08:42,694
and make sure that this
wedding goes smoothly.
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00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:44,319
[knocking]
MAN: Somebody order
213
00:08:44,316 --> 00:08:46,276
a Ruben sandwich?
214
00:08:46,276 --> 00:08:49,696
Hello, Patrick! Fun joke with
the Ruben sandwich, right?
215
00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:51,566
Did you get it? [laughing]
216
00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:53,583
Anyway, I'm here to ruin the wedding.
217
00:08:53,575 --> 00:08:56,445
♪ dramatic sting ♪
218
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♪
219
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:05,500
You can't be here. They're handing out
wanted posters with your face on them.
220
00:09:05,504 --> 00:09:08,424
Ugh! I know, and I'm sorry
you had to look at that bullshit.
221
00:09:08,423 --> 00:09:10,473
They do no justice to my cheekbones.
222
00:09:10,467 --> 00:09:11,637
Higher! Sharper!
223
00:09:11,635 --> 00:09:13,465
What did you do?
224
00:09:13,470 --> 00:09:15,810
Well, let's just say I may have sent
225
00:09:15,806 --> 00:09:19,096
sexually explicit letters
to the prince's fiancé.
226
00:09:19,601 --> 00:09:20,981
Which is what I definitely did.
227
00:09:20,978 --> 00:09:22,898
To Holden? Why?
228
00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:25,146
It all started last year.
229
00:09:25,148 --> 00:09:27,028
We met in the minotaur's labyrinth,
230
00:09:27,025 --> 00:09:29,525
and shared a beautiful romantic moment.
231
00:09:30,028 --> 00:09:33,528
Ah! Fuck! Ah! [grunting]
[moaning]
232
00:09:33,532 --> 00:09:36,162
Use the peach! Use it. Use the peach.
233
00:09:36,159 --> 00:09:38,159
RUBEN: Oh fuck! Ah! Ah! Ah!
[pounding]
234
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HOLDEN:
Oh, fuck, that feels good!
235
00:09:41,331 --> 00:09:43,501
Goddamn, what a painful,
beautiful memory.
236
00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:46,420
That was... too much information.
237
00:09:46,420 --> 00:09:49,460
I haven't been able to get
Holden out of my head ever since.
238
00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:51,554
So, I'm here to stop the wedding.
239
00:09:51,550 --> 00:09:53,930
What, just because of some casual sex?
240
00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:55,967
Wait. Do you love him?
241
00:09:55,971 --> 00:09:58,391
What? [laughs] Who? That asshole?
242
00:09:58,390 --> 00:10:00,560
Ew, gross. No! Fuck him!
243
00:10:00,559 --> 00:10:02,059
You know what? Don't fuck him.
244
00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:04,440
Nobody should fuck him
'cause I fuckin' hate him!
245
00:10:06,732 --> 00:10:10,532
Fine. I love him. Oh, boy!
What is wrong with me?
246
00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:13,447
There is nothing wrong with you.
I know how you feel.
247
00:10:13,447 --> 00:10:16,327
Sometimes, I still think
about Danielle and wonder...
248
00:10:17,576 --> 00:10:20,076
is she out there, thinking about me?
249
00:10:20,078 --> 00:10:23,078
♪
250
00:10:25,751 --> 00:10:27,881
Oh, Patrick...
251
00:10:27,878 --> 00:10:30,628
I am going to kill you.
252
00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:32,761
[whispering] I love you, too, Danielle.
253
00:10:32,758 --> 00:10:34,508
BLOSSOM: Why is this door locked?!
[door banging]
254
00:10:34,510 --> 00:10:37,180
Blossom?! Uh, be right there!
[Ruben grunting]
255
00:10:37,179 --> 00:10:38,389
♪
256
00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:41,348
Patrick! Did you know my parents
already arranged my marriage
257
00:10:41,350 --> 00:10:44,440
to some buttpimple prince?
I mean, like, what about Keefer?
258
00:10:44,436 --> 00:10:47,556
Oh, Blossom,
every teenage girl has her ghost phase.
259
00:10:47,564 --> 00:10:50,984
He's the love of my life!
260
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:53,244
[crying] God!
I know
261
00:10:53,237 --> 00:10:56,697
being separated from
your loved one is hard.
262
00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:58,948
I myself look out at the moon
263
00:10:58,951 --> 00:11:00,911
Yeah, moonshmoon, rainbows and sharts.
264
00:11:00,911 --> 00:11:03,291
I just came in to grab some
bills to hit up the strip club.
265
00:11:03,288 --> 00:11:06,458
Thanks for nothing, Patrick.
[door opens, shuts]
266
00:11:06,458 --> 00:11:08,878
[grunting, gasping]
267
00:11:08,877 --> 00:11:10,337
I couldn't breathe in there!
268
00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:11,837
And the mummy has a death boner!
269
00:11:11,839 --> 00:11:13,219
[rattling]
270
00:11:13,215 --> 00:11:14,215
♪
271
00:11:14,216 --> 00:11:16,176
Where'd you get that scarab necklace?
272
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:18,136
What's a scarab?
It's like a beetle.
273
00:11:18,136 --> 00:11:20,346
Then just say beetle. Pretentious.
274
00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:23,390
This? I've always had this.
275
00:11:23,392 --> 00:11:26,102
It's my signature scarab necklace!
[laughs]
276
00:11:26,103 --> 00:11:28,613
But we're focusing on the wrong thing.
How do we stop this wedding?!
277
00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:32,105
Look, I was ordered to make
sure the wedding goes smoothly,
278
00:11:32,109 --> 00:11:34,029
and I cannot fail.
279
00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:35,857
Promise me you'll stay out of sight.
280
00:11:35,863 --> 00:11:38,243
Baby, I'm always out of sight.
281
00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:39,740
Ruben away!
282
00:11:39,741 --> 00:11:41,831
♪
283
00:11:41,827 --> 00:11:43,537
[crowd cheering, laughing]
284
00:11:43,537 --> 00:11:45,707
Bravo! Bravo!
285
00:11:45,706 --> 00:11:46,666
[gasps]
286
00:11:50,794 --> 00:11:52,804
Eat my fart! Ah!
287
00:11:52,796 --> 00:11:54,966
[laughter]
288
00:11:54,965 --> 00:11:57,005
[laughing, cheering]
289
00:11:59,595 --> 00:12:01,555
Ah!
Ha, ha, ha!
290
00:12:02,890 --> 00:12:04,310
STRIPPER: Ah!
RUBEN: Ah!
291
00:12:04,308 --> 00:12:06,098
Ha, ha! Fuck!
292
00:12:06,101 --> 00:12:07,191
[screams, thuds]
293
00:12:07,186 --> 00:12:10,186
[club chatter]
294
00:12:10,814 --> 00:12:12,234
Woohoo!
295
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:14,402
PATRICK [whispers] Ruben!
Hey! Come on!
296
00:12:14,401 --> 00:12:16,071
Ah, fuck...
Patrick,
297
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:17,649
you're not supposed to touch them.
298
00:12:17,654 --> 00:12:19,954
[grunt]
Who was that?
299
00:12:19,948 --> 00:12:22,778
Ah, just some desperate loser
trying to pass as a stripper.
300
00:12:22,784 --> 00:12:24,834
Oh. Well, he looked like,
301
00:12:24,828 --> 00:12:26,908
um, someone I knew.
302
00:12:26,914 --> 00:12:28,754
Oh well. Back to my fiancé.
303
00:12:28,749 --> 00:12:30,709
[kissing]
304
00:12:31,668 --> 00:12:34,168
Or maybe, I'll just go back to bed.
305
00:12:36,215 --> 00:12:38,545
♪
306
00:12:38,550 --> 00:12:39,640
CORAL:
Okay, Blarney,
307
00:12:39,635 --> 00:12:41,925
I taught you everything
I know about cheating.
308
00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:44,769
Now, just go in there
and win us that jackpot.
309
00:12:44,765 --> 00:12:48,475
It's foolproof.
Oh, I love when something is described
310
00:12:48,477 --> 00:12:51,187
as foolproof, and then it's handed to me.
311
00:12:51,188 --> 00:12:53,478
For the entrance fee. Now, go.
[clown horn honks]
312
00:12:54,942 --> 00:12:57,952
[slurred]
Coral! Oh, you're still here!
313
00:12:57,945 --> 00:13:01,275
Oh wow. I thI think I...
I think I lost.
314
00:13:03,492 --> 00:13:05,912
Oh, my dogs! [crying] My dogs!
315
00:13:05,911 --> 00:13:08,251
[gibberish]
Back to the drawing board.
316
00:13:08,247 --> 00:13:11,247
♪
317
00:13:14,169 --> 00:13:16,299
Patrick, in the spirit
of this gay wedding...
318
00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:20,006
you look a hot mess, girl.
I didn't get any sleep last night.
319
00:13:20,008 --> 00:13:23,298
My brother is trying to ruin the wedding.
We have to keep a lookout.
320
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:25,473
Say no more. I'll keep watch outside,
321
00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:27,982
and we'll make sure
he doesn't get into this pyramid.
322
00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:31,476
Hey! Sup, Ruben?
323
00:13:32,771 --> 00:13:34,981
Well, Liam, after this wedding,
324
00:13:34,982 --> 00:13:38,072
you'll retire with
a perfect 30year record.
325
00:13:38,068 --> 00:13:40,818
And then, you'll drink
this bottle of port that you were gifted
326
00:13:40,821 --> 00:13:43,621
when you officiated
your very first wedding!
327
00:13:43,615 --> 00:13:46,485
And now, to warm up the old vocal cords.
328
00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:49,413
A big black bug bit a big black
329
00:13:49,413 --> 00:13:50,413
Oh!
330
00:13:51,874 --> 00:13:53,584
♪
331
00:13:53,584 --> 00:13:55,214
[grunts] You again?
332
00:13:55,210 --> 00:13:57,840
Stay out of my way, you human bumper car!
333
00:13:57,838 --> 00:13:59,088
God!
Blossom,
334
00:13:59,089 --> 00:14:01,549
this is Prince Anthony Junior,
335
00:14:01,550 --> 00:14:03,390
your future husband.
336
00:14:03,385 --> 00:14:05,295
You're the buttpimple prince?
337
00:14:05,304 --> 00:14:08,814
I'm AJ, the Mattress King's son.
I'm mostly in sofa beds.
338
00:14:08,807 --> 00:14:10,887
You can call me the PullOut Prince.
339
00:14:10,893 --> 00:14:12,693
[laughs] Okay.
340
00:14:12,686 --> 00:14:15,146
Well, you're funny. I'll give you that.
341
00:14:15,147 --> 00:14:17,897
King Rami insists that your family
342
00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:20,530
sit up front during the ceremony.
343
00:14:24,615 --> 00:14:27,445
Rami, this is the richest relationship
344
00:14:27,451 --> 00:14:28,951
I've ever been in.
345
00:14:28,952 --> 00:14:30,662
No, no. Um...
346
00:14:30,662 --> 00:14:32,922
You make me feel secure...
347
00:14:32,915 --> 00:14:35,535
financially. Terrible!
348
00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:37,592
I wish you wouldn't have
sex with other dudes,
349
00:14:37,586 --> 00:14:40,796
but I do like it when you buy me
pretty gifts to make up for it.
350
00:14:41,590 --> 00:14:43,630
Oh, I'm a whore.
351
00:14:43,634 --> 00:14:44,474
♪
352
00:14:44,468 --> 00:14:46,928
Holden, time's running out
353
00:14:46,929 --> 00:14:49,809
on the rest of your life.
354
00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:51,596
Ah! Are you here to kill me?
355
00:14:52,226 --> 00:14:54,056
Damn it. That was
supposed to be romantic.
356
00:14:54,061 --> 00:14:56,401
Ruben? What are you doing here?
357
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:58,516
We belong together.
358
00:14:58,524 --> 00:15:00,234
When I'm fucking you,
359
00:15:00,234 --> 00:15:02,864
it's like I'm fucking myself.
360
00:15:02,861 --> 00:15:05,031
It's literally all I've ever wanted.
361
00:15:05,030 --> 00:15:07,910
Don't you think I know that?
We're the same!
362
00:15:07,908 --> 00:15:10,368
That's why you should
understand I'm marrying Rami!
363
00:15:10,369 --> 00:15:12,119
I'll be a rich prince,
364
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:15,460
and I know deep down
you'd do the same! I'm sorry!
365
00:15:15,457 --> 00:15:17,077
♪
366
00:15:17,084 --> 00:15:19,594
We'll always have that time
367
00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:21,706
we boned each other's brains out.
368
00:15:21,713 --> 00:15:24,263
No... What...
[door opens, shuts]
369
00:15:24,258 --> 00:15:27,088
[sobbing] Oh god!
370
00:15:27,094 --> 00:15:28,554
Why?!
371
00:15:28,554 --> 00:15:30,894
[sobbing]
372
00:15:35,519 --> 00:15:37,559
Who needs special wine when you've got
373
00:15:37,563 --> 00:15:40,273
a perfect record on
the line, right? [laughs]
374
00:15:40,274 --> 00:15:42,234
Please take your seats,
and we'll get started.
375
00:15:42,734 --> 00:15:45,864
USHER: Care for a program?
[laughs] What is that guy wearing?
376
00:15:46,572 --> 00:15:48,742
What the...
Care for a program?
377
00:15:48,740 --> 00:15:50,620
Aren't you King Kevin?
378
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:53,697
Shh! It's just plain old Kevin now.
379
00:15:53,704 --> 00:15:56,584
I was king.
Now, I experience the living hell
380
00:15:56,582 --> 00:15:59,332
known as the service industry.
How did this happen?
381
00:15:59,334 --> 00:16:01,884
Rami invited me to his grandson's bris.
382
00:16:01,879 --> 00:16:05,219
Next thing I know, I'm locked up
and my kingdom's invaded.
383
00:16:05,215 --> 00:16:08,465
Didn't you read the fine print
on your save the date?
384
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,928
"Invitation to come."
Look closer.
385
00:16:12,139 --> 00:16:15,139
"Invasion to come"? [gasps]
386
00:16:15,142 --> 00:16:17,602
[laughter]
387
00:16:17,603 --> 00:16:20,193
♪
388
00:16:22,232 --> 00:16:24,152
[gasps] It's a coup!
389
00:16:24,151 --> 00:16:25,241
[thud]
390
00:16:25,235 --> 00:16:26,735
Oh, right.
391
00:16:30,032 --> 00:16:32,452
♪
392
00:16:32,451 --> 00:16:34,291
[panting]
393
00:16:34,286 --> 00:16:37,286
Patrick, sit down.
You will not upstage me.
394
00:16:40,334 --> 00:16:43,634
[sighs] I have to save the Royal Family.
395
00:16:43,629 --> 00:16:45,669
♪
396
00:16:49,635 --> 00:16:53,845
Gentlemen, I'm afraid you'll find
that there's no room at the inn
397
00:16:53,847 --> 00:16:55,517
because this house
398
00:16:55,516 --> 00:16:57,226
is full!
399
00:16:57,935 --> 00:17:00,805
Sir, that is only four cards.
400
00:17:00,812 --> 00:17:02,362
Oh shit. Where'd I put that other card?
401
00:17:02,356 --> 00:17:03,186
Achoo!
402
00:17:03,190 --> 00:17:05,320
Oops, sorry! I've had a cold lately.
403
00:17:05,317 --> 00:17:06,317
Achoo!
404
00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:10,454
I'd like to call a doover.
CORAL: Damn it, Blarney!
405
00:17:10,447 --> 00:17:12,447
♪
406
00:17:12,449 --> 00:17:14,699
Security! Arrest this clown...
407
00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:17,041
First touch I've had all year!
...and that slot machine.
408
00:17:17,037 --> 00:17:18,867
[beeping]
Too late, boys.
409
00:17:18,872 --> 00:17:20,082
See you all in hell!
410
00:17:20,082 --> 00:17:22,502
Ah! Oh...
411
00:17:22,501 --> 00:17:24,961
♪
412
00:17:24,962 --> 00:17:27,422
Oh, what do I do?
What do I do? What do I do?
413
00:17:27,422 --> 00:17:28,762
[panting]
414
00:17:28,757 --> 00:17:30,087
[doors slam]
RUBEN: Stop the wedding!
415
00:17:30,092 --> 00:17:31,802
[crowd gasping]
416
00:17:33,971 --> 00:17:36,561
[crying] I have...
417
00:17:36,557 --> 00:17:39,017
so many feelings!
418
00:17:39,017 --> 00:17:41,137
Yet I... do not...
419
00:17:41,144 --> 00:17:43,444
know what to do!
420
00:17:43,438 --> 00:17:45,358
[sobbing]
421
00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:47,443
[crying]
RAMI IV: Interesting.
422
00:17:47,442 --> 00:17:49,492
It seems we have captured the man
423
00:17:49,486 --> 00:17:52,356
who's been sending you
pornographic love letters.
424
00:17:52,364 --> 00:17:54,454
As an early wedding present to the grooms,
425
00:17:54,449 --> 00:17:57,949
I sentence this man
to immediate execution!
426
00:17:57,953 --> 00:17:59,713
What?!
[crowd gasping]
427
00:17:59,705 --> 00:18:02,035
♪
428
00:18:03,917 --> 00:18:07,417
Holden! Remember the peaches!
429
00:18:07,421 --> 00:18:09,211
[echoing, fading]:
Peaches... peaches... peaches...
430
00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:12,216
Rami, I do care for you...
431
00:18:12,217 --> 00:18:14,797
...r money. But,
I'm in love with someone else.
432
00:18:14,803 --> 00:18:17,723
[crowd gasps]
Alright! Everyone calm down!
433
00:18:17,723 --> 00:18:20,483
I was going to wait until
the end of the ceremony,
434
00:18:20,475 --> 00:18:23,015
but since the groom
is getting cold feet...
435
00:18:23,020 --> 00:18:25,440
Guards! Capture our new servants!
436
00:18:25,439 --> 00:18:27,359
Ooh! New servants. Thank god.
437
00:18:27,357 --> 00:18:30,397
King Kevin is terrible.
He put a pineapple in my martini.
438
00:18:30,402 --> 00:18:32,992
The new servants are us, you idiots!
439
00:18:33,989 --> 00:18:35,869
You were a fool to come here, Merriman.
440
00:18:35,866 --> 00:18:38,866
My kingdom would never
join forces with yours!
441
00:18:38,869 --> 00:18:41,079
And I would never...
442
00:18:41,079 --> 00:18:43,079
be friends... with you.
443
00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:45,750
But... you gave me a nickname!
444
00:18:45,751 --> 00:18:47,921
You said you loved my speech!
445
00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:50,300
All lies. Your speech was terrible.
446
00:18:50,297 --> 00:18:52,087
You hit on your own daughter!
447
00:18:52,090 --> 00:18:55,010
Patrick wrote most of it!
I wanted to do a titty joke!
448
00:18:55,010 --> 00:18:56,850
Here, I'll just tell you it now.
449
00:18:56,845 --> 00:19:00,345
A woman walks onto a tomato farm
and falls titsfirst into some red paint
450
00:19:00,349 --> 00:19:02,309
So, this whole wedding was a sham?
451
00:19:02,309 --> 00:19:04,729
You really thought
a prince with this ass
452
00:19:04,728 --> 00:19:07,108
would marry a squire with your ass?
453
00:19:07,105 --> 00:19:08,935
You were nothing but a pawn!
454
00:19:08,941 --> 00:19:11,071
A pawn with an ass so flat,
455
00:19:11,068 --> 00:19:13,198
I called you StupidFlatPancakeAssPawn
456
00:19:13,195 --> 00:19:15,655
in all of our secret overthrow meetings.
457
00:19:15,656 --> 00:19:18,156
Jesus, so much assbased criticism!
458
00:19:18,158 --> 00:19:19,988
Take the Royal Family to be fitted
459
00:19:19,993 --> 00:19:22,293
with their new servant shackles!
460
00:19:22,287 --> 00:19:25,117
Wait! Before we do anything rash,
461
00:19:25,123 --> 00:19:28,753
let's... not forget... about... uh...
462
00:19:29,211 --> 00:19:31,261
[gasps] Merriman's wedding gift!
463
00:19:32,005 --> 00:19:34,165
It was supposed to reunite our kingdoms.
464
00:19:34,174 --> 00:19:35,224
[crowd gasps]
465
00:19:35,217 --> 00:19:38,347
Your kingdom steals
my great grandfather's remains,
466
00:19:38,345 --> 00:19:41,805
defaces his coffin,
and then tries to give it back to us
467
00:19:41,807 --> 00:19:42,887
as a gift?!
468
00:19:42,891 --> 00:19:45,351
Okay, culturally sensitive it is not,
469
00:19:45,352 --> 00:19:47,402
but I bet the inside's better!
470
00:19:47,396 --> 00:19:49,816
[straining]
[crowd gasps]
471
00:19:49,815 --> 00:19:51,145
Nope. Much worse.
472
00:19:51,149 --> 00:19:53,279
You have committed the ultimate insult!
473
00:19:53,277 --> 00:19:55,487
You shall be executed!
474
00:19:55,487 --> 00:19:57,237
Uh... Wwait!
475
00:19:57,239 --> 00:20:00,199
These beautiful symbols
haven't been spraypainted over.
476
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:03,450
Let us never forget
the famous words... Uh...
477
00:20:03,453 --> 00:20:05,793
"Eyeballs winking, dog on a hamburger bun,
478
00:20:05,789 --> 00:20:07,579
eyeballs winking, sideways vagina"
479
00:20:07,583 --> 00:20:09,543
No! Stop it!
[weapons clinking]
480
00:20:09,543 --> 00:20:10,963
I know my accent is terrible.
481
00:20:10,961 --> 00:20:13,551
"Hockey stick, butter knives,
frog with a broom
482
00:20:13,547 --> 00:20:16,127
sassy turtle, and guy
doing the Running Man."
483
00:20:17,301 --> 00:20:19,141
[screeching]
484
00:20:19,136 --> 00:20:21,306
Merriman! Your idiot squire
485
00:20:21,305 --> 00:20:23,345
read the Sacred Text of the Undead!
486
00:20:23,348 --> 00:20:25,478
[roaring]
Ah! Ah!
487
00:20:25,475 --> 00:20:27,765
[roaring]
488
00:20:27,769 --> 00:20:30,359
Why must I be so irresistible?!
489
00:20:30,856 --> 00:20:33,976
This wedding is a shit show.
At least it's only one mummy.
490
00:20:33,984 --> 00:20:35,244
[screeching]
491
00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:38,235
[roaring]
492
00:20:38,238 --> 00:20:41,028
[crowd screaming]
493
00:20:41,033 --> 00:20:42,623
[roaring]
494
00:20:42,951 --> 00:20:45,411
Well, we should probably
get the fuck outta here.
495
00:20:45,412 --> 00:20:46,502
[panting]
496
00:20:46,496 --> 00:20:48,456
[roaing]
Hey! Put me down,
497
00:20:48,457 --> 00:20:50,627
you necrophiliac's wet dream!
[roars]
498
00:20:50,626 --> 00:20:52,586
Hey, son of a bitch!
Come on!
499
00:20:52,586 --> 00:20:56,006
Wait! I always pull out! [grunts]
500
00:20:56,006 --> 00:20:58,546
[laughs] You are a lot of fun.
501
00:20:58,550 --> 00:20:59,800
♪
502
00:20:59,801 --> 00:21:01,051
[roaring]
503
00:21:01,053 --> 00:21:03,893
Ha, ha!
Rami, why did you do all this?
504
00:21:03,889 --> 00:21:06,889
To get your kingdom's money!
You don't deserve it.
505
00:21:06,892 --> 00:21:08,642
You ruined Chill Society,
506
00:21:08,644 --> 00:21:11,734
and you're a terrible king!
Pretending to be your friend
507
00:21:11,730 --> 00:21:14,900
was the most disgusting
thing I've ever had to do!
508
00:21:14,900 --> 00:21:16,860
[gasps]
[mummies hissing]
509
00:21:16,860 --> 00:21:19,200
[crowd screaming]
510
00:21:19,196 --> 00:21:20,736
You want my money, Rami?
511
00:21:20,739 --> 00:21:22,989
Well, here it is!
Ah!
512
00:21:22,991 --> 00:21:26,201
[yelling]
Ah! Trapped by the help!
513
00:21:26,203 --> 00:21:29,413
[screeching, growling]
514
00:21:29,414 --> 00:21:31,544
Ruben! It wants the scarab!
515
00:21:31,542 --> 00:21:32,712
What's a scarab?
516
00:21:32,709 --> 00:21:35,299
We are not doing this again!
Throw me the necklace!
517
00:21:36,255 --> 00:21:37,705
[Mummy growling]
[Ruben grunts]
518
00:21:37,714 --> 00:21:40,764
[grunts] Now, go! Save your love.
519
00:21:41,885 --> 00:21:43,175
[screaming]
520
00:21:43,178 --> 00:21:46,348
[clanging]
[grunting]
521
00:21:46,348 --> 00:21:48,518
I'm sorry, Holden.
You're just not my type.
522
00:21:48,517 --> 00:21:51,477
I like twunks. It's a cross
between a twink and a hunk.
523
00:21:51,478 --> 00:21:52,598
They're young and fit!
524
00:21:52,604 --> 00:21:54,614
I am young and fit!
525
00:21:54,606 --> 00:21:56,776
Ah... Gah! Ha, ha!
526
00:21:56,775 --> 00:21:57,855
[kiss]
527
00:21:57,860 --> 00:21:59,360
Ruben away!
528
00:21:59,361 --> 00:22:01,411
[panting] Ah!
529
00:22:01,405 --> 00:22:04,405
You're not getting
out of here alive, boy.
530
00:22:04,408 --> 00:22:07,448
[snarling]
Uh, um... Hyah!
531
00:22:09,288 --> 00:22:12,458
At least somebody's getting
head at this wedding!
532
00:22:12,457 --> 00:22:14,037
[laughing]
533
00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:17,300
Oh god, I am completely numb to violence.
534
00:22:17,296 --> 00:22:20,086
[growling, snarling]
535
00:22:21,133 --> 00:22:23,803
No sign of Ruben yet, Patrick.
Get the camels ready!
536
00:22:23,802 --> 00:22:25,722
[rumbling]
[Mummy roars]
537
00:22:25,721 --> 00:22:27,061
[screaming]
538
00:22:27,055 --> 00:22:28,805
[snarling]
539
00:22:28,807 --> 00:22:31,937
Never mind! Just fucking run!
[screaming]
540
00:22:31,935 --> 00:22:33,645
[screeching]
541
00:22:33,645 --> 00:22:35,555
♪
542
00:22:35,564 --> 00:22:39,364
Well, we finally caught Coral,
the cheating Pirate Queen.
543
00:22:39,359 --> 00:22:43,029
I am really gonna enjoy
carving your other eye out.
544
00:22:43,030 --> 00:22:46,200
Hey, Coral, what do you
think is the most unlikely way
545
00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:48,950
we could get out of this predicament?
[rumbling]
546
00:22:49,912 --> 00:22:51,332
[hissing, snarling]
547
00:22:51,330 --> 00:22:53,830
[screaming]
548
00:22:53,832 --> 00:22:55,922
Huh. I would've guessed aliens.
549
00:22:55,918 --> 00:22:57,918
Come on, Blarney, let's go!
550
00:22:57,920 --> 00:22:59,340
[grunting]
551
00:22:59,338 --> 00:23:02,798
[wailing]
Merriman! You'll pay for this!
552
00:23:02,799 --> 00:23:04,799
When you least expect it,
553
00:23:04,801 --> 00:23:06,931
I will destroy you!
554
00:23:06,929 --> 00:23:09,599
And your kingdom will be mine!
555
00:23:09,598 --> 00:23:11,518
[maniacal laughter]
556
00:23:11,517 --> 00:23:14,517
♪
557
00:23:16,271 --> 00:23:17,271
[Mummy snarls]
558
00:23:21,109 --> 00:23:24,109
♪
559
00:23:24,821 --> 00:23:27,991
Well, that was about
as much of a clusterfuck
560
00:23:27,991 --> 00:23:30,241
as most destination
weddings turn out to be.
561
00:23:30,244 --> 00:23:32,334
Did you see those centerpieces?
562
00:23:32,329 --> 00:23:35,419
Oh! Talk about tacky.
[both laugh]
563
00:23:35,415 --> 00:23:37,245
I think we're gonna be invaded soon.
564
00:23:37,876 --> 00:23:39,286
[horse snorting]
565
00:23:39,294 --> 00:23:43,054
Goodbye, Blossom. I look
forward to getting to know you better.
566
00:23:43,048 --> 00:23:45,678
Mwah!
[giggles] Oh...
567
00:23:46,426 --> 00:23:48,796
You must be excited
to get back to Keefer.
568
00:23:48,804 --> 00:23:51,934
Blossom?
Back to who now?
569
00:23:51,932 --> 00:23:54,942
[passionate moaning, kissing]
570
00:23:55,686 --> 00:23:57,936
Ah, come on, guys!
571
00:23:57,938 --> 00:24:01,148
We have 18 hours ahead
of us on this camel!
572
00:24:01,149 --> 00:24:03,609
Let's all try to be cool?
573
00:24:03,610 --> 00:24:06,030
Let him watch.
[both kissing, moaning]
574
00:24:06,029 --> 00:24:07,819
Ah...
575
00:24:07,823 --> 00:24:09,413
[moaning continue]
576
00:24:10,617 --> 00:24:13,617
♪
577
00:24:43,650 --> 00:24:46,650
[8bit beeping]
578
00:24:46,653 --> 00:24:48,493
CHILD:
That was amazing.
579
00:24:48,488 --> 00:24:49,778
[monkey chitters]
580
00:24:49,828 --> 00:24:54,378
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