All language subtitles for Crossing Swords s02e03 Destination, Wedding.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,001 ♪ 2 00:00:04,463 --> 00:00:06,263 [hawk screeches] 3 00:00:06,757 --> 00:00:09,757 [panting, gasping] 4 00:00:10,761 --> 00:00:12,471 [hoarsely] Need... water... 5 00:00:13,305 --> 00:00:15,135 [shudders] Oh... 6 00:00:15,974 --> 00:00:17,484 You think they can spare some? 7 00:00:17,476 --> 00:00:19,646 [laughter] TULIP: Oh, stop it! 8 00:00:19,645 --> 00:00:22,765 Ah! You're getting me wet and drenched! 9 00:00:23,148 --> 00:00:25,068 [panting, gasping] 10 00:00:25,067 --> 00:00:26,527 ♪ party music ♪ 11 00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:29,317 Oh! Your Majesties, I think we're here. 12 00:00:29,321 --> 00:00:30,741 [laughter] 13 00:00:30,739 --> 00:00:32,659 Tulip, brace yourself. 14 00:00:32,658 --> 00:00:34,658 ♪ 15 00:00:34,660 --> 00:00:37,660 We're about to embark on a harrowing adventure. 16 00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:43,587 A tacky destination wedding. 17 00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:46,585 ♪ medieval theme song playing ♪ 18 00:00:53,595 --> 00:00:56,885 Remember, we need to impress King Rami with our newfound wealth. 19 00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:59,480 I made a mess of things after that, uh, golf weekend, 20 00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:01,476 and we need him back as our kingdom's ally. 21 00:01:01,478 --> 00:01:02,478 Hear that, Blossom? 22 00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:04,979 Everyone must be on their best behavior. 23 00:01:04,982 --> 00:01:08,282 Hear that, Human Shield? Don't be fucking disgusting. 24 00:01:08,277 --> 00:01:10,317 [grunting] [groaning, struggling] 25 00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:13,490 ♪ swing music playing ♪ 26 00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:16,490 [hall chatter, laughter] 27 00:01:17,119 --> 00:01:18,829 BROTH: I can't believe Holden's 28 00:01:18,829 --> 00:01:21,159 gonna marry a prince. Should we say hi? 29 00:01:21,164 --> 00:01:23,634 We're supposed to be working. Yeah, you're right. 30 00:01:23,625 --> 00:01:25,085 We'll just say hi from here. 31 00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:28,045 Holden! Holden! Congrats, buddy! [crowd gasping] 32 00:01:28,046 --> 00:01:31,336 Squires for life! I hope you wreck that dude tonight! 33 00:01:31,341 --> 00:01:35,141 Or that he wrecks you! I'm unclear on your relationship's sexual dynamics! 34 00:01:35,137 --> 00:01:37,677 Maybe go for the flippy flop! See what feels right! 35 00:01:37,681 --> 00:01:39,181 Okay? Mazel! 36 00:01:39,183 --> 00:01:41,393 ♪ swing music continues ♪ 37 00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:46,607 Well, it looks like they have a fun chemistry. 38 00:01:47,524 --> 00:01:49,784 Merriman! Glad you could make it! 39 00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:53,106 Now, hold on, Rami. Before you bring up Chill Society... 40 00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:56,283 Wait, yyou said you're glad I could make it? 41 00:01:56,283 --> 00:01:57,413 Of course! 42 00:01:57,409 --> 00:02:00,199 Sorry you just got your invitation this week. 43 00:02:00,204 --> 00:02:03,174 The guest list was quite full, until we heard about 44 00:02:03,165 --> 00:02:05,665 your kingdom's reversal of fortune. 45 00:02:05,667 --> 00:02:07,167 Rich now, I hear? 46 00:02:07,169 --> 00:02:08,549 Oh, I don't know. 47 00:02:08,545 --> 00:02:09,875 Am I? [clattering] 48 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:12,220 [gasping, yelling] 49 00:02:12,216 --> 00:02:15,886 I like you with money. [laughs] 50 00:02:15,886 --> 00:02:17,756 Kill all those waiters. [crowd gasps] 51 00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:20,562 [screaming] 52 00:02:21,016 --> 00:02:23,846 Anyway, I'll see you at the rehearsal dinner, 53 00:02:23,852 --> 00:02:26,522 which reminds me. As a visiting head of state, 54 00:02:26,522 --> 00:02:28,652 I'd be honored if you gave a speech. 55 00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:31,739 How much time do I get? 30 minutes? 10 minutes? Tight five? 56 00:02:31,735 --> 00:02:35,105 What's the topic? Uh, the marriage between my son 57 00:02:35,113 --> 00:02:37,993 and your squire Holden. [laughs] 58 00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:41,251 Oh! You're a real gas! See you at the party, 59 00:02:41,245 --> 00:02:43,115 Moneybags. [chewing] 60 00:02:43,121 --> 00:02:44,831 [excited squeal] 61 00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:47,081 Rami just gave me a nickname! 62 00:02:47,084 --> 00:02:49,924 We're becoming BFFs already! That's great, Sire. 63 00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:52,260 Oh, and now I have to give a speech at the dinner. 64 00:02:52,256 --> 00:02:54,626 Grab some cue cards and bring me my dream journal. 65 00:02:54,633 --> 00:02:55,973 Yes, sir. This is great! 66 00:02:55,968 --> 00:02:58,508 And once Rami sees the wedding gift we brought, 67 00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:01,352 it could seal the alliance between our two empires. 68 00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:03,268 With his blood lust and our money, 69 00:03:03,267 --> 00:03:05,137 we could own the world! 70 00:03:05,143 --> 00:03:06,563 Well, that's terrifying. 71 00:03:06,562 --> 00:03:09,192 I need you to be my righthand man this weekend. 72 00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:12,359 Your only job is to make sure this wedding goes off without a hitch. 73 00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:16,280 And if you fail, I'm demoting you to squire. 74 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:18,410 Your Majesty, I am a squire. 75 00:03:18,407 --> 00:03:19,867 [laughs] 76 00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:21,947 Patrick, don't joke about that. 77 00:03:21,952 --> 00:03:24,122 Someone might think you're a squire! 78 00:03:24,121 --> 00:03:27,331 Oh! Also, who the fuck is Holden? 79 00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:31,714 See you, Mom. I'm gonna go bet on some strippers. 80 00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:33,592 You can't leave. You must stay 81 00:03:33,589 --> 00:03:35,879 and represent our kingdom with class. 82 00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:38,553 [scoffs] Like you're doing, WineLips? 83 00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:41,102 Getting openbar hammered is expected of a queen. 84 00:03:41,096 --> 00:03:44,056 This is my cross to bear! [gulping, gasps] 85 00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:46,097 Besides, don't you want to meet the prince 86 00:03:46,101 --> 00:03:48,151 that your father and I arranged for you to marry? 87 00:03:48,145 --> 00:03:50,725 What?! But I'm dating Keefer! 88 00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:51,901 Oh, yes. 89 00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:54,859 Your imaginary ghostslashmusician boyfriend. 90 00:03:54,860 --> 00:03:56,900 So much potential there. [laughs] 91 00:03:56,904 --> 00:03:59,494 [scoffs] You should be happy I'm dating him! 92 00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:01,199 We're practicing abstinence! 93 00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:04,490 We don't want to, but he's a bodiless poltergeist. 94 00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:07,214 Sorry, darling. [hiccup] It's already been arranged. 95 00:04:07,206 --> 00:04:09,496 Hence the name. Ugh! 96 00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:11,289 Move it, you fucking tourist! 97 00:04:11,293 --> 00:04:12,793 Whoa! [splash] 98 00:04:14,838 --> 00:04:17,508 ♪ 99 00:04:17,508 --> 00:04:21,088 Ah, my yearly poker shakedown. 100 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:26,180 "Wanted for card counting, eye stabbing, 101 00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:28,313 and general female trickery!" 102 00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:30,190 Eh. When they're right, they're right. 103 00:04:30,187 --> 00:04:32,687 Lucky for me, I always carry a disguise. 104 00:04:34,316 --> 00:04:35,856 [pop] Ha, ha! 105 00:04:35,859 --> 00:04:38,029 ♪ Doot do doo doot do... ♪ 106 00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:40,318 MAN 1: Hey, that's the Pirate Queen! 107 00:04:40,322 --> 00:04:41,992 What the fuck's wrong with her eye? [crowd gasps] 108 00:04:41,990 --> 00:04:44,080 MAN 2: Disgusting! WOMAN: Get her outta here! 109 00:04:44,076 --> 00:04:46,076 [Coral grunting] Don't show your face here again. 110 00:04:46,078 --> 00:04:48,078 And fix that eye, for Christ's sake. 111 00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:50,290 [growl] [popping] 112 00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:52,166 [Coral sighs] 113 00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:54,800 [tapping glass] 114 00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:56,875 We shall now begin the toast 115 00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:59,220 for the wedding between my wonderful son, 116 00:04:59,216 --> 00:05:01,296 Prince Rami V, 117 00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:03,891 and his betrothed, Squire Holden... 118 00:05:03,887 --> 00:05:06,597 somecommonlastname Ican'tfuckingremember. 119 00:05:06,598 --> 00:05:08,768 Ha! I'm actually the son of a duke. 120 00:05:08,767 --> 00:05:11,397 Perfect! That takes the sting out of having your son 121 00:05:11,395 --> 00:05:14,855 marry a gay squire. First up, King Merriman! 122 00:05:14,857 --> 00:05:17,727 I'm so nervous. I haven't done this in a while. 123 00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:19,654 Is the word "taint" still funny? 124 00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:21,453 What? Of course it is. 125 00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:23,492 Thank you, Rami. 126 00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:26,120 When I found out we were coming to your sandbox, 127 00:05:26,118 --> 00:05:28,078 I was worried about taintchafing. 128 00:05:28,078 --> 00:05:31,618 But so far, so taint. [nervous laugh] 129 00:05:32,708 --> 00:05:33,708 Achoo! 130 00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:37,249 [clears throat] Thank you! [nervous laugh] 131 00:05:37,254 --> 00:05:39,464 Now, on to the happy couple. 132 00:05:39,464 --> 00:05:42,304 Webster's Dictionary defines sodomy... 133 00:05:42,301 --> 00:05:44,181 Oh! Jesus. 134 00:05:44,178 --> 00:05:46,008 This speech is a trash fire. 135 00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:47,723 I gotta do something. [scribbling] 136 00:05:47,723 --> 00:05:49,393 Oops. Cue cards are down. 137 00:05:49,391 --> 00:05:52,521 No problem. I'll improvise with some crowd work. 138 00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:54,769 You there, the hot little piece of ass in the second row, 139 00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:56,441 what's your name, sweetheart? 140 00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:58,360 BLOSSOM: Princess Blossom. 141 00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,438 Oh. Uh, the cue cards are back. 142 00:06:01,612 --> 00:06:04,872 Finding that person to spend the rest of your life with 143 00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:06,945 is always worth celebrating. 144 00:06:06,950 --> 00:06:08,660 I wish that your union 145 00:06:08,660 --> 00:06:12,210 brings you the same happiness I have found in mine. 146 00:06:12,206 --> 00:06:14,916 [applause] 147 00:06:14,917 --> 00:06:16,127 [blows raspberry] 148 00:06:16,126 --> 00:06:18,546 Wow. I really slayed up there. 149 00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:20,045 Even though you cut my titty joke. 150 00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:22,627 You know how hard it is to work a titty joke into a gay wedding? 151 00:06:22,633 --> 00:06:24,513 Merriman, thank you for that... 152 00:06:24,510 --> 00:06:27,140 heartfelt speech. Let's talk about the alliance 153 00:06:27,137 --> 00:06:29,307 between our kingdoms after the wedding tomorrow. 154 00:06:29,973 --> 00:06:33,103 [gasps] We have to keep impressing Rami! 155 00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:34,691 Go to the hotel 156 00:06:34,686 --> 00:06:37,726 and make sure our wedding gift is ready for tomorrow! 157 00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:39,191 [giggling] 158 00:06:39,191 --> 00:06:40,731 RAMI V: Dad, come on. I don't want to marry 159 00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:43,904 some swampland duke's kid. Stop complaining! 160 00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:47,664 You just need to play the part until tomorrow. 161 00:06:47,658 --> 00:06:48,948 Looking for something? 162 00:06:48,951 --> 00:06:50,291 [gasp, whine] 163 00:06:50,285 --> 00:06:52,995 Patrick, stop pestering my inlaws. 164 00:06:52,996 --> 00:06:54,916 Prince Rami sounded upset. 165 00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:56,575 Is everything okay between you two? 166 00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:58,383 Of course. We're great. Perfect. 167 00:06:58,377 --> 00:07:00,547 Well, King Rami said something about 168 00:07:00,546 --> 00:07:03,256 "playing the part until tomorrow." 169 00:07:03,257 --> 00:07:04,337 It sounded serious. 170 00:07:04,341 --> 00:07:06,131 You're just jealous I'm marrying a prince, 171 00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:07,594 and you're still a squire. 172 00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:09,724 Excuse me, I need to go yell at a caterer. 173 00:07:09,721 --> 00:07:12,061 He didn't do anything wrong. It's preventative. 174 00:07:12,057 --> 00:07:14,727 Jonathan! You call that foie gras?! 175 00:07:15,477 --> 00:07:16,477 ♪ 176 00:07:16,478 --> 00:07:18,188 [growls] 177 00:07:18,188 --> 00:07:19,568 [gasps] 178 00:07:19,565 --> 00:07:21,525 [gulping] 179 00:07:21,525 --> 00:07:23,775 Good god, Tulip. You're smashed. 180 00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:26,657 I am? [hiccup] Hooray! [laughs] 181 00:07:26,655 --> 00:07:28,695 Garçon! This queen requires 182 00:07:28,699 --> 00:07:30,909 more mac and cheese balls, please. 183 00:07:30,909 --> 00:07:33,579 Your eighth cheese ball, m'lady. 184 00:07:33,579 --> 00:07:36,619 And I'll eat eight more... 185 00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:38,923 [noisy chewing] 186 00:07:38,917 --> 00:07:41,087 King Kevin? Is that you? 187 00:07:41,086 --> 00:07:43,666 How the hell did you go from king to cater waiter? 188 00:07:43,672 --> 00:07:46,222 Oh, it's just plain old Kevin now. 189 00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:48,136 Rami conquered my kingdom. 190 00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:50,965 It was this or the guillotine. But, you know, it's not so bad. 191 00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:54,181 Unless you're, you know, serving belligerent royals. 192 00:07:54,183 --> 00:07:55,483 [blows raspberry] Tulip, 193 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:58,055 if we hadn't struck it rich, that could've been us. 194 00:07:58,061 --> 00:08:00,191 How embarrassing for King Kevin. 195 00:08:00,189 --> 00:08:02,019 [hiccup] Oh! [glass breaking] 196 00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:06,323 PATRICK: "Wanted. Kill at your earliest convenience"? 197 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:08,200 Wow. I'm impressed, Ruben. 198 00:08:08,197 --> 00:08:10,487 They hate you in more places than I thought. 199 00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,740 Ah! Oh! Are you trying 200 00:08:12,743 --> 00:08:14,293 to give me a heart attack? 201 00:08:14,286 --> 00:08:16,956 Why are you in the king's hotel room? And what the hell is that? 202 00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:20,075 This is the king's wedding gift. The ancient sarcophagus 203 00:08:20,083 --> 00:08:23,133 Merriman's grandfather stole from this kingdom 204 00:08:23,128 --> 00:08:24,798 during the Great War. 205 00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:28,046 Merriman is returning it and wanted me to... glam it up. 206 00:08:28,050 --> 00:08:31,010 Ooh... Ah... 207 00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:32,891 Oh my god... 208 00:08:32,888 --> 00:08:36,228 Right? I'll come back later to pour on just a few more 209 00:08:36,225 --> 00:08:37,635 dozen rhinestones. 210 00:08:37,643 --> 00:08:40,603 They may have vandalized you, but I'll look after you 211 00:08:40,604 --> 00:08:42,694 and make sure that this wedding goes smoothly. 212 00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:44,319 [knocking] MAN: Somebody order 213 00:08:44,316 --> 00:08:46,276 a Ruben sandwich? 214 00:08:46,276 --> 00:08:49,696 Hello, Patrick! Fun joke with the Ruben sandwich, right? 215 00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:51,566 Did you get it? [laughing] 216 00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:53,583 Anyway, I'm here to ruin the wedding. 217 00:08:53,575 --> 00:08:56,445 ♪ dramatic sting ♪ 218 00:09:00,415 --> 00:09:01,995 ♪ 219 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:05,500 You can't be here. They're handing out wanted posters with your face on them. 220 00:09:05,504 --> 00:09:08,424 Ugh! I know, and I'm sorry you had to look at that bullshit. 221 00:09:08,423 --> 00:09:10,473 They do no justice to my cheekbones. 222 00:09:10,467 --> 00:09:11,637 Higher! Sharper! 223 00:09:11,635 --> 00:09:13,465 What did you do? 224 00:09:13,470 --> 00:09:15,810 Well, let's just say I may have sent 225 00:09:15,806 --> 00:09:19,096 sexually explicit letters to the prince's fiancé. 226 00:09:19,601 --> 00:09:20,981 Which is what I definitely did. 227 00:09:20,978 --> 00:09:22,898 To Holden? Why? 228 00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:25,146 It all started last year. 229 00:09:25,148 --> 00:09:27,028 We met in the minotaur's labyrinth, 230 00:09:27,025 --> 00:09:29,525 and shared a beautiful romantic moment. 231 00:09:30,028 --> 00:09:33,528 Ah! Fuck! Ah! [grunting] [moaning] 232 00:09:33,532 --> 00:09:36,162 Use the peach! Use it. Use the peach. 233 00:09:36,159 --> 00:09:38,159 RUBEN: Oh fuck! Ah! Ah! Ah! [pounding] 234 00:09:38,161 --> 00:09:40,661 HOLDEN: Oh, fuck, that feels good! 235 00:09:41,331 --> 00:09:43,501 Goddamn, what a painful, beautiful memory. 236 00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:46,420 That was... too much information. 237 00:09:46,420 --> 00:09:49,460 I haven't been able to get Holden out of my head ever since. 238 00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:51,554 So, I'm here to stop the wedding. 239 00:09:51,550 --> 00:09:53,930 What, just because of some casual sex? 240 00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:55,967 Wait. Do you love him? 241 00:09:55,971 --> 00:09:58,391 What? [laughs] Who? That asshole? 242 00:09:58,390 --> 00:10:00,560 Ew, gross. No! Fuck him! 243 00:10:00,559 --> 00:10:02,059 You know what? Don't fuck him. 244 00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:04,440 Nobody should fuck him 'cause I fuckin' hate him! 245 00:10:06,732 --> 00:10:10,532 Fine. I love him. Oh, boy! What is wrong with me? 246 00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:13,447 There is nothing wrong with you. I know how you feel. 247 00:10:13,447 --> 00:10:16,327 Sometimes, I still think about Danielle and wonder... 248 00:10:17,576 --> 00:10:20,076 is she out there, thinking about me? 249 00:10:20,078 --> 00:10:23,078 ♪ 250 00:10:25,751 --> 00:10:27,881 Oh, Patrick... 251 00:10:27,878 --> 00:10:30,628 I am going to kill you. 252 00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:32,761 [whispering] I love you, too, Danielle. 253 00:10:32,758 --> 00:10:34,508 BLOSSOM: Why is this door locked?! [door banging] 254 00:10:34,510 --> 00:10:37,180 Blossom?! Uh, be right there! [Ruben grunting] 255 00:10:37,179 --> 00:10:38,389 ♪ 256 00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:41,348 Patrick! Did you know my parents already arranged my marriage 257 00:10:41,350 --> 00:10:44,440 to some buttpimple prince? I mean, like, what about Keefer? 258 00:10:44,436 --> 00:10:47,556 Oh, Blossom, every teenage girl has her ghost phase. 259 00:10:47,564 --> 00:10:50,984 He's the love of my life! 260 00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:53,244 [crying] God! I know 261 00:10:53,237 --> 00:10:56,697 being separated from your loved one is hard. 262 00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:58,948 I myself look out at the moon 263 00:10:58,951 --> 00:11:00,911 Yeah, moonshmoon, rainbows and sharts. 264 00:11:00,911 --> 00:11:03,291 I just came in to grab some bills to hit up the strip club. 265 00:11:03,288 --> 00:11:06,458 Thanks for nothing, Patrick. [door opens, shuts] 266 00:11:06,458 --> 00:11:08,878 [grunting, gasping] 267 00:11:08,877 --> 00:11:10,337 I couldn't breathe in there! 268 00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:11,837 And the mummy has a death boner! 269 00:11:11,839 --> 00:11:13,219 [rattling] 270 00:11:13,215 --> 00:11:14,215 ♪ 271 00:11:14,216 --> 00:11:16,176 Where'd you get that scarab necklace? 272 00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:18,136 What's a scarab? It's like a beetle. 273 00:11:18,136 --> 00:11:20,346 Then just say beetle. Pretentious. 274 00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:23,390 This? I've always had this. 275 00:11:23,392 --> 00:11:26,102 It's my signature scarab necklace! [laughs] 276 00:11:26,103 --> 00:11:28,613 But we're focusing on the wrong thing. How do we stop this wedding?! 277 00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:32,105 Look, I was ordered to make sure the wedding goes smoothly, 278 00:11:32,109 --> 00:11:34,029 and I cannot fail. 279 00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:35,857 Promise me you'll stay out of sight. 280 00:11:35,863 --> 00:11:38,243 Baby, I'm always out of sight. 281 00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:39,740 Ruben away! 282 00:11:39,741 --> 00:11:41,831 ♪ 283 00:11:41,827 --> 00:11:43,537 [crowd cheering, laughing] 284 00:11:43,537 --> 00:11:45,707 Bravo! Bravo! 285 00:11:45,706 --> 00:11:46,666 [gasps] 286 00:11:50,794 --> 00:11:52,804 Eat my fart! Ah! 287 00:11:52,796 --> 00:11:54,966 [laughter] 288 00:11:54,965 --> 00:11:57,005 [laughing, cheering] 289 00:11:59,595 --> 00:12:01,555 Ah! Ha, ha, ha! 290 00:12:02,890 --> 00:12:04,310 STRIPPER: Ah! RUBEN: Ah! 291 00:12:04,308 --> 00:12:06,098 Ha, ha! Fuck! 292 00:12:06,101 --> 00:12:07,191 [screams, thuds] 293 00:12:07,186 --> 00:12:10,186 [club chatter] 294 00:12:10,814 --> 00:12:12,234 Woohoo! 295 00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:14,402 PATRICK [whispers] Ruben! Hey! Come on! 296 00:12:14,401 --> 00:12:16,071 Ah, fuck... Patrick, 297 00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:17,649 you're not supposed to touch them. 298 00:12:17,654 --> 00:12:19,954 [grunt] Who was that? 299 00:12:19,948 --> 00:12:22,778 Ah, just some desperate loser trying to pass as a stripper. 300 00:12:22,784 --> 00:12:24,834 Oh. Well, he looked like, 301 00:12:24,828 --> 00:12:26,908 um, someone I knew. 302 00:12:26,914 --> 00:12:28,754 Oh well. Back to my fiancé. 303 00:12:28,749 --> 00:12:30,709 [kissing] 304 00:12:31,668 --> 00:12:34,168 Or maybe, I'll just go back to bed. 305 00:12:36,215 --> 00:12:38,545 ♪ 306 00:12:38,550 --> 00:12:39,640 CORAL: Okay, Blarney, 307 00:12:39,635 --> 00:12:41,925 I taught you everything I know about cheating. 308 00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:44,769 Now, just go in there and win us that jackpot. 309 00:12:44,765 --> 00:12:48,475 It's foolproof. Oh, I love when something is described 310 00:12:48,477 --> 00:12:51,187 as foolproof, and then it's handed to me. 311 00:12:51,188 --> 00:12:53,478 For the entrance fee. Now, go. [clown horn honks] 312 00:12:54,942 --> 00:12:57,952 [slurred] Coral! Oh, you're still here! 313 00:12:57,945 --> 00:13:01,275 Oh wow. I thI think I... I think I lost. 314 00:13:03,492 --> 00:13:05,912 Oh, my dogs! [crying] My dogs! 315 00:13:05,911 --> 00:13:08,251 [gibberish] Back to the drawing board. 316 00:13:08,247 --> 00:13:11,247 ♪ 317 00:13:14,169 --> 00:13:16,299 Patrick, in the spirit of this gay wedding... 318 00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:20,006 you look a hot mess, girl. I didn't get any sleep last night. 319 00:13:20,008 --> 00:13:23,298 My brother is trying to ruin the wedding. We have to keep a lookout. 320 00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:25,473 Say no more. I'll keep watch outside, 321 00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:27,982 and we'll make sure he doesn't get into this pyramid. 322 00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:31,476 Hey! Sup, Ruben? 323 00:13:32,771 --> 00:13:34,981 Well, Liam, after this wedding, 324 00:13:34,982 --> 00:13:38,072 you'll retire with a perfect 30year record. 325 00:13:38,068 --> 00:13:40,818 And then, you'll drink this bottle of port that you were gifted 326 00:13:40,821 --> 00:13:43,621 when you officiated your very first wedding! 327 00:13:43,615 --> 00:13:46,485 And now, to warm up the old vocal cords. 328 00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:49,413 A big black bug bit a big black 329 00:13:49,413 --> 00:13:50,413 Oh! 330 00:13:51,874 --> 00:13:53,584 ♪ 331 00:13:53,584 --> 00:13:55,214 [grunts] You again? 332 00:13:55,210 --> 00:13:57,840 Stay out of my way, you human bumper car! 333 00:13:57,838 --> 00:13:59,088 God! Blossom, 334 00:13:59,089 --> 00:14:01,549 this is Prince Anthony Junior, 335 00:14:01,550 --> 00:14:03,390 your future husband. 336 00:14:03,385 --> 00:14:05,295 You're the buttpimple prince? 337 00:14:05,304 --> 00:14:08,814 I'm AJ, the Mattress King's son. I'm mostly in sofa beds. 338 00:14:08,807 --> 00:14:10,887 You can call me the PullOut Prince. 339 00:14:10,893 --> 00:14:12,693 [laughs] Okay. 340 00:14:12,686 --> 00:14:15,146 Well, you're funny. I'll give you that. 341 00:14:15,147 --> 00:14:17,897 King Rami insists that your family 342 00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:20,530 sit up front during the ceremony. 343 00:14:24,615 --> 00:14:27,445 Rami, this is the richest relationship 344 00:14:27,451 --> 00:14:28,951 I've ever been in. 345 00:14:28,952 --> 00:14:30,662 No, no. Um... 346 00:14:30,662 --> 00:14:32,922 You make me feel secure... 347 00:14:32,915 --> 00:14:35,535 financially. Terrible! 348 00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:37,592 I wish you wouldn't have sex with other dudes, 349 00:14:37,586 --> 00:14:40,796 but I do like it when you buy me pretty gifts to make up for it. 350 00:14:41,590 --> 00:14:43,630 Oh, I'm a whore. 351 00:14:43,634 --> 00:14:44,474 ♪ 352 00:14:44,468 --> 00:14:46,928 Holden, time's running out 353 00:14:46,929 --> 00:14:49,809 on the rest of your life. 354 00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:51,596 Ah! Are you here to kill me? 355 00:14:52,226 --> 00:14:54,056 Damn it. That was supposed to be romantic. 356 00:14:54,061 --> 00:14:56,401 Ruben? What are you doing here? 357 00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:58,516 We belong together. 358 00:14:58,524 --> 00:15:00,234 When I'm fucking you, 359 00:15:00,234 --> 00:15:02,864 it's like I'm fucking myself. 360 00:15:02,861 --> 00:15:05,031 It's literally all I've ever wanted. 361 00:15:05,030 --> 00:15:07,910 Don't you think I know that? We're the same! 362 00:15:07,908 --> 00:15:10,368 That's why you should understand I'm marrying Rami! 363 00:15:10,369 --> 00:15:12,119 I'll be a rich prince, 364 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:15,460 and I know deep down you'd do the same! I'm sorry! 365 00:15:15,457 --> 00:15:17,077 ♪ 366 00:15:17,084 --> 00:15:19,594 We'll always have that time 367 00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:21,706 we boned each other's brains out. 368 00:15:21,713 --> 00:15:24,263 No... What... [door opens, shuts] 369 00:15:24,258 --> 00:15:27,088 [sobbing] Oh god! 370 00:15:27,094 --> 00:15:28,554 Why?! 371 00:15:28,554 --> 00:15:30,894 [sobbing] 372 00:15:35,519 --> 00:15:37,559 Who needs special wine when you've got 373 00:15:37,563 --> 00:15:40,273 a perfect record on the line, right? [laughs] 374 00:15:40,274 --> 00:15:42,234 Please take your seats, and we'll get started. 375 00:15:42,734 --> 00:15:45,864 USHER: Care for a program? [laughs] What is that guy wearing? 376 00:15:46,572 --> 00:15:48,742 What the... Care for a program? 377 00:15:48,740 --> 00:15:50,620 Aren't you King Kevin? 378 00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:53,697 Shh! It's just plain old Kevin now. 379 00:15:53,704 --> 00:15:56,584 I was king. Now, I experience the living hell 380 00:15:56,582 --> 00:15:59,332 known as the service industry. How did this happen? 381 00:15:59,334 --> 00:16:01,884 Rami invited me to his grandson's bris. 382 00:16:01,879 --> 00:16:05,219 Next thing I know, I'm locked up and my kingdom's invaded. 383 00:16:05,215 --> 00:16:08,465 Didn't you read the fine print on your save the date? 384 00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,928 "Invitation to come." Look closer. 385 00:16:12,139 --> 00:16:15,139 "Invasion to come"? [gasps] 386 00:16:15,142 --> 00:16:17,602 [laughter] 387 00:16:17,603 --> 00:16:20,193 ♪ 388 00:16:22,232 --> 00:16:24,152 [gasps] It's a coup! 389 00:16:24,151 --> 00:16:25,241 [thud] 390 00:16:25,235 --> 00:16:26,735 Oh, right. 391 00:16:30,032 --> 00:16:32,452 ♪ 392 00:16:32,451 --> 00:16:34,291 [panting] 393 00:16:34,286 --> 00:16:37,286 Patrick, sit down. You will not upstage me. 394 00:16:40,334 --> 00:16:43,634 [sighs] I have to save the Royal Family. 395 00:16:43,629 --> 00:16:45,669 ♪ 396 00:16:49,635 --> 00:16:53,845 Gentlemen, I'm afraid you'll find that there's no room at the inn 397 00:16:53,847 --> 00:16:55,517 because this house 398 00:16:55,516 --> 00:16:57,226 is full! 399 00:16:57,935 --> 00:17:00,805 Sir, that is only four cards. 400 00:17:00,812 --> 00:17:02,362 Oh shit. Where'd I put that other card? 401 00:17:02,356 --> 00:17:03,186 Achoo! 402 00:17:03,190 --> 00:17:05,320 Oops, sorry! I've had a cold lately. 403 00:17:05,317 --> 00:17:06,317 Achoo! 404 00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:10,454 I'd like to call a doover. CORAL: Damn it, Blarney! 405 00:17:10,447 --> 00:17:12,447 ♪ 406 00:17:12,449 --> 00:17:14,699 Security! Arrest this clown... 407 00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:17,041 First touch I've had all year! ...and that slot machine. 408 00:17:17,037 --> 00:17:18,867 [beeping] Too late, boys. 409 00:17:18,872 --> 00:17:20,082 See you all in hell! 410 00:17:20,082 --> 00:17:22,502 Ah! Oh... 411 00:17:22,501 --> 00:17:24,961 ♪ 412 00:17:24,962 --> 00:17:27,422 Oh, what do I do? What do I do? What do I do? 413 00:17:27,422 --> 00:17:28,762 [panting] 414 00:17:28,757 --> 00:17:30,087 [doors slam] RUBEN: Stop the wedding! 415 00:17:30,092 --> 00:17:31,802 [crowd gasping] 416 00:17:33,971 --> 00:17:36,561 [crying] I have... 417 00:17:36,557 --> 00:17:39,017 so many feelings! 418 00:17:39,017 --> 00:17:41,137 Yet I... do not... 419 00:17:41,144 --> 00:17:43,444 know what to do! 420 00:17:43,438 --> 00:17:45,358 [sobbing] 421 00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:47,443 [crying] RAMI IV: Interesting. 422 00:17:47,442 --> 00:17:49,492 It seems we have captured the man 423 00:17:49,486 --> 00:17:52,356 who's been sending you pornographic love letters. 424 00:17:52,364 --> 00:17:54,454 As an early wedding present to the grooms, 425 00:17:54,449 --> 00:17:57,949 I sentence this man to immediate execution! 426 00:17:57,953 --> 00:17:59,713 What?! [crowd gasping] 427 00:17:59,705 --> 00:18:02,035 ♪ 428 00:18:03,917 --> 00:18:07,417 Holden! Remember the peaches! 429 00:18:07,421 --> 00:18:09,211 [echoing, fading]: Peaches... peaches... peaches... 430 00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:12,216 Rami, I do care for you... 431 00:18:12,217 --> 00:18:14,797 ...r money. But, I'm in love with someone else. 432 00:18:14,803 --> 00:18:17,723 [crowd gasps] Alright! Everyone calm down! 433 00:18:17,723 --> 00:18:20,483 I was going to wait until the end of the ceremony, 434 00:18:20,475 --> 00:18:23,015 but since the groom is getting cold feet... 435 00:18:23,020 --> 00:18:25,440 Guards! Capture our new servants! 436 00:18:25,439 --> 00:18:27,359 Ooh! New servants. Thank god. 437 00:18:27,357 --> 00:18:30,397 King Kevin is terrible. He put a pineapple in my martini. 438 00:18:30,402 --> 00:18:32,992 The new servants are us, you idiots! 439 00:18:33,989 --> 00:18:35,869 You were a fool to come here, Merriman. 440 00:18:35,866 --> 00:18:38,866 My kingdom would never join forces with yours! 441 00:18:38,869 --> 00:18:41,079 And I would never... 442 00:18:41,079 --> 00:18:43,079 be friends... with you. 443 00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:45,750 But... you gave me a nickname! 444 00:18:45,751 --> 00:18:47,921 You said you loved my speech! 445 00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:50,300 All lies. Your speech was terrible. 446 00:18:50,297 --> 00:18:52,087 You hit on your own daughter! 447 00:18:52,090 --> 00:18:55,010 Patrick wrote most of it! I wanted to do a titty joke! 448 00:18:55,010 --> 00:18:56,850 Here, I'll just tell you it now. 449 00:18:56,845 --> 00:19:00,345 A woman walks onto a tomato farm and falls titsfirst into some red paint 450 00:19:00,349 --> 00:19:02,309 So, this whole wedding was a sham? 451 00:19:02,309 --> 00:19:04,729 You really thought a prince with this ass 452 00:19:04,728 --> 00:19:07,108 would marry a squire with your ass? 453 00:19:07,105 --> 00:19:08,935 You were nothing but a pawn! 454 00:19:08,941 --> 00:19:11,071 A pawn with an ass so flat, 455 00:19:11,068 --> 00:19:13,198 I called you StupidFlatPancakeAssPawn 456 00:19:13,195 --> 00:19:15,655 in all of our secret overthrow meetings. 457 00:19:15,656 --> 00:19:18,156 Jesus, so much assbased criticism! 458 00:19:18,158 --> 00:19:19,988 Take the Royal Family to be fitted 459 00:19:19,993 --> 00:19:22,293 with their new servant shackles! 460 00:19:22,287 --> 00:19:25,117 Wait! Before we do anything rash, 461 00:19:25,123 --> 00:19:28,753 let's... not forget... about... uh... 462 00:19:29,211 --> 00:19:31,261 [gasps] Merriman's wedding gift! 463 00:19:32,005 --> 00:19:34,165 It was supposed to reunite our kingdoms. 464 00:19:34,174 --> 00:19:35,224 [crowd gasps] 465 00:19:35,217 --> 00:19:38,347 Your kingdom steals my great grandfather's remains, 466 00:19:38,345 --> 00:19:41,805 defaces his coffin, and then tries to give it back to us 467 00:19:41,807 --> 00:19:42,887 as a gift?! 468 00:19:42,891 --> 00:19:45,351 Okay, culturally sensitive it is not, 469 00:19:45,352 --> 00:19:47,402 but I bet the inside's better! 470 00:19:47,396 --> 00:19:49,816 [straining] [crowd gasps] 471 00:19:49,815 --> 00:19:51,145 Nope. Much worse. 472 00:19:51,149 --> 00:19:53,279 You have committed the ultimate insult! 473 00:19:53,277 --> 00:19:55,487 You shall be executed! 474 00:19:55,487 --> 00:19:57,237 Uh... Wwait! 475 00:19:57,239 --> 00:20:00,199 These beautiful symbols haven't been spraypainted over. 476 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:03,450 Let us never forget the famous words... Uh... 477 00:20:03,453 --> 00:20:05,793 "Eyeballs winking, dog on a hamburger bun, 478 00:20:05,789 --> 00:20:07,579 eyeballs winking, sideways vagina" 479 00:20:07,583 --> 00:20:09,543 No! Stop it! [weapons clinking] 480 00:20:09,543 --> 00:20:10,963 I know my accent is terrible. 481 00:20:10,961 --> 00:20:13,551 "Hockey stick, butter knives, frog with a broom 482 00:20:13,547 --> 00:20:16,127 sassy turtle, and guy doing the Running Man." 483 00:20:17,301 --> 00:20:19,141 [screeching] 484 00:20:19,136 --> 00:20:21,306 Merriman! Your idiot squire 485 00:20:21,305 --> 00:20:23,345 read the Sacred Text of the Undead! 486 00:20:23,348 --> 00:20:25,478 [roaring] Ah! Ah! 487 00:20:25,475 --> 00:20:27,765 [roaring] 488 00:20:27,769 --> 00:20:30,359 Why must I be so irresistible?! 489 00:20:30,856 --> 00:20:33,976 This wedding is a shit show. At least it's only one mummy. 490 00:20:33,984 --> 00:20:35,244 [screeching] 491 00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:38,235 [roaring] 492 00:20:38,238 --> 00:20:41,028 [crowd screaming] 493 00:20:41,033 --> 00:20:42,623 [roaring] 494 00:20:42,951 --> 00:20:45,411 Well, we should probably get the fuck outta here. 495 00:20:45,412 --> 00:20:46,502 [panting] 496 00:20:46,496 --> 00:20:48,456 [roaing] Hey! Put me down, 497 00:20:48,457 --> 00:20:50,627 you necrophiliac's wet dream! [roars] 498 00:20:50,626 --> 00:20:52,586 Hey, son of a bitch! Come on! 499 00:20:52,586 --> 00:20:56,006 Wait! I always pull out! [grunts] 500 00:20:56,006 --> 00:20:58,546 [laughs] You are a lot of fun. 501 00:20:58,550 --> 00:20:59,800 ♪ 502 00:20:59,801 --> 00:21:01,051 [roaring] 503 00:21:01,053 --> 00:21:03,893 Ha, ha! Rami, why did you do all this? 504 00:21:03,889 --> 00:21:06,889 To get your kingdom's money! You don't deserve it. 505 00:21:06,892 --> 00:21:08,642 You ruined Chill Society, 506 00:21:08,644 --> 00:21:11,734 and you're a terrible king! Pretending to be your friend 507 00:21:11,730 --> 00:21:14,900 was the most disgusting thing I've ever had to do! 508 00:21:14,900 --> 00:21:16,860 [gasps] [mummies hissing] 509 00:21:16,860 --> 00:21:19,200 [crowd screaming] 510 00:21:19,196 --> 00:21:20,736 You want my money, Rami? 511 00:21:20,739 --> 00:21:22,989 Well, here it is! Ah! 512 00:21:22,991 --> 00:21:26,201 [yelling] Ah! Trapped by the help! 513 00:21:26,203 --> 00:21:29,413 [screeching, growling] 514 00:21:29,414 --> 00:21:31,544 Ruben! It wants the scarab! 515 00:21:31,542 --> 00:21:32,712 What's a scarab? 516 00:21:32,709 --> 00:21:35,299 We are not doing this again! Throw me the necklace! 517 00:21:36,255 --> 00:21:37,705 [Mummy growling] [Ruben grunts] 518 00:21:37,714 --> 00:21:40,764 [grunts] Now, go! Save your love. 519 00:21:41,885 --> 00:21:43,175 [screaming] 520 00:21:43,178 --> 00:21:46,348 [clanging] [grunting] 521 00:21:46,348 --> 00:21:48,518 I'm sorry, Holden. You're just not my type. 522 00:21:48,517 --> 00:21:51,477 I like twunks. It's a cross between a twink and a hunk. 523 00:21:51,478 --> 00:21:52,598 They're young and fit! 524 00:21:52,604 --> 00:21:54,614 I am young and fit! 525 00:21:54,606 --> 00:21:56,776 Ah... Gah! Ha, ha! 526 00:21:56,775 --> 00:21:57,855 [kiss] 527 00:21:57,860 --> 00:21:59,360 Ruben away! 528 00:21:59,361 --> 00:22:01,411 [panting] Ah! 529 00:22:01,405 --> 00:22:04,405 You're not getting out of here alive, boy. 530 00:22:04,408 --> 00:22:07,448 [snarling] Uh, um... Hyah! 531 00:22:09,288 --> 00:22:12,458 At least somebody's getting head at this wedding! 532 00:22:12,457 --> 00:22:14,037 [laughing] 533 00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:17,300 Oh god, I am completely numb to violence. 534 00:22:17,296 --> 00:22:20,086 [growling, snarling] 535 00:22:21,133 --> 00:22:23,803 No sign of Ruben yet, Patrick. Get the camels ready! 536 00:22:23,802 --> 00:22:25,722 [rumbling] [Mummy roars] 537 00:22:25,721 --> 00:22:27,061 [screaming] 538 00:22:27,055 --> 00:22:28,805 [snarling] 539 00:22:28,807 --> 00:22:31,937 Never mind! Just fucking run! [screaming] 540 00:22:31,935 --> 00:22:33,645 [screeching] 541 00:22:33,645 --> 00:22:35,555 ♪ 542 00:22:35,564 --> 00:22:39,364 Well, we finally caught Coral, the cheating Pirate Queen. 543 00:22:39,359 --> 00:22:43,029 I am really gonna enjoy carving your other eye out. 544 00:22:43,030 --> 00:22:46,200 Hey, Coral, what do you think is the most unlikely way 545 00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:48,950 we could get out of this predicament? [rumbling] 546 00:22:49,912 --> 00:22:51,332 [hissing, snarling] 547 00:22:51,330 --> 00:22:53,830 [screaming] 548 00:22:53,832 --> 00:22:55,922 Huh. I would've guessed aliens. 549 00:22:55,918 --> 00:22:57,918 Come on, Blarney, let's go! 550 00:22:57,920 --> 00:22:59,340 [grunting] 551 00:22:59,338 --> 00:23:02,798 [wailing] Merriman! You'll pay for this! 552 00:23:02,799 --> 00:23:04,799 When you least expect it, 553 00:23:04,801 --> 00:23:06,931 I will destroy you! 554 00:23:06,929 --> 00:23:09,599 And your kingdom will be mine! 555 00:23:09,598 --> 00:23:11,518 [maniacal laughter] 556 00:23:11,517 --> 00:23:14,517 ♪ 557 00:23:16,271 --> 00:23:17,271 [Mummy snarls] 558 00:23:21,109 --> 00:23:24,109 ♪ 559 00:23:24,821 --> 00:23:27,991 Well, that was about as much of a clusterfuck 560 00:23:27,991 --> 00:23:30,241 as most destination weddings turn out to be. 561 00:23:30,244 --> 00:23:32,334 Did you see those centerpieces? 562 00:23:32,329 --> 00:23:35,419 Oh! Talk about tacky. [both laugh] 563 00:23:35,415 --> 00:23:37,245 I think we're gonna be invaded soon. 564 00:23:37,876 --> 00:23:39,286 [horse snorting] 565 00:23:39,294 --> 00:23:43,054 Goodbye, Blossom. I look forward to getting to know you better. 566 00:23:43,048 --> 00:23:45,678 Mwah! [giggles] Oh... 567 00:23:46,426 --> 00:23:48,796 You must be excited to get back to Keefer. 568 00:23:48,804 --> 00:23:51,934 Blossom? Back to who now? 569 00:23:51,932 --> 00:23:54,942 [passionate moaning, kissing] 570 00:23:55,686 --> 00:23:57,936 Ah, come on, guys! 571 00:23:57,938 --> 00:24:01,148 We have 18 hours ahead of us on this camel! 572 00:24:01,149 --> 00:24:03,609 Let's all try to be cool? 573 00:24:03,610 --> 00:24:06,030 Let him watch. [both kissing, moaning] 574 00:24:06,029 --> 00:24:07,819 Ah... 575 00:24:07,823 --> 00:24:09,413 [moaning continue] 576 00:24:10,617 --> 00:24:13,617 ♪ 577 00:24:43,650 --> 00:24:46,650 [8bit beeping] 578 00:24:46,653 --> 00:24:48,493 CHILD: That was amazing. 579 00:24:48,488 --> 00:24:49,778 [monkey chitters] 580 00:24:49,828 --> 00:24:54,378 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 41733

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