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♪
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00:00:03,504 --> 00:00:05,594
[hammering]
3
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[creaking]
4
00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:10,590
[hammering]
[chomp]
5
00:00:13,180 --> 00:00:16,890
King Merriman! You're not
supposed to take more gems!
6
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They're cursed!
Sorry, I can't hear your nonsense.
7
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I have these cursed gems in my ears.
[popping]
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You have to stop.
The castle's nearly done,
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00:00:24,775 --> 00:00:27,315
what more can you do?
Glad you asked.
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King Randy doesn't have
a giant emerald dong on his castle,
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00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:33,874
with a clock in it.
I call it my Cock Tower.
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00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:36,697
Feast your eyes, Randy! Cock Tower!
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I just wish I could let all
the kings know how wealthy I am.
14
00:00:40,249 --> 00:00:43,789
But how do I quickly get word out
that I'm rich and everyone else is poor?
15
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Oh! [laughs] Guess who's pregnant?
16
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Good Christ, woman,
we've just got back on our feet!
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Not me, you dimwitted chode.
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Topher and Collette's daughter, Druella!
19
00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:55,510
Knocked up by the landscaper's son.
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[evil laughter]
Good luck marrying that off.
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They must be humiliated.
[laughing] This is a good day.
22
00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:02,976
Wait, how do you know all this?
23
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From Blossom's boarding school.
24
00:01:04,690 --> 00:01:07,400
Seems like things haven't changed
since I was a student there.
25
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It's still a hot bed of gossip.
26
00:01:09,528 --> 00:01:11,568
A hot gosbed. [laughs]
27
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God! I'm fucking hilarious.
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Hm...
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PRINCIPAL PINION:
And congratulations to the debate club
30
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who took top scores at
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the AccusingTheMaidOf
StealingTheSilverware nationals.
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Fiftythree fired maids,
a world record.
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[quiet cheering, applause]
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Now, to close out our
morning announcements,
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please let me introduce
King Merriman, who, quote,
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"Has a bigass secret to tell you,
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and also loves his daughter
Blossom very much."
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[laughter]
Oh my god...
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[growls] Goddammit, Dad!
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♪ medieval theme playing ♪
41
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[applause]
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Presenting my gift to your school:
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The King Merriman Mindfulness Center
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Slash Butterfly Sanctuary.
45
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Butterflies are basically sexy moths,
46
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so why wouldn't I save them?
47
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[yawning, stretching]
[snoring]
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You're losing them.
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Tell them what you're
about to say is a secret.
50
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What I'm about to say
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00:02:15,219 --> 00:02:17,179
is a secret.
Did he say a secret?
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Is the secret that you sit to pee?
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My secret is...
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my kingdom has more gems than dirt.
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I'm basically ejaculating
gold at this point.
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I replaced my nipples with gems.
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[sparkling]
[crowd gasps]
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Keep your tits in your top, vodkaveins!
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Please do not tell anyone
about our extraordinary wealth,
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especially not your
king and queen parents.
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I'm looking at you, Druella.
[crowd gasps, murmuring]
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To honor this generous,
unnecessary gift,
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the Silver Spoons will kick off
the dedication ceremony.
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♪ Ooh... ♪
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♪ singing out of tune ♪
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[singing ends]
Ugh! Which one of you is flat?
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[hissing] I'm a dragon...
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[screaming]
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[crash]
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My greenhouse!
My soloist!
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[hoarse] My larynx.
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[hissing, panting]
This student is on drugs!
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Drugs? I know drugs.
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Three of my three siblings are on drugs.
[growling]
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No drug abuser heals without
addressing the underlying issues.
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[loud, slow]
How's your relationship with your parents?
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Wrong! You gotta sweat that shit out.
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[grunts] We're going for a jog.
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[whispering]
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Let's not let this distract
from my wife's gem nipples!
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And my generous donation
of a mindfulness center
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slash butterfly sanctuary!
BARB: I'm a dragon!
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Ah! [hissing]
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[crash]
[crowd screaming]
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Fucking damn it! The sexy moths!
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[hawk screeches]
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[growl, chirp]
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[crunching]
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It's a massacre!
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[crowd screaming]
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We have to put a stop to this drug crisis!
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Agreed! We've never had
a drug problem here before.
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I mean, how else will word
get out to the other kingdoms
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how rich and powerful I've become
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if everyone's worried about their
dumbass druggie daughters?
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Wasted schoolgirls is a way
sexier story than my gems.
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Ahem!
I mean,
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II'm so worried about the kids.
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It's all about those kids.
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Our little girl goes here, and she's
very susceptible to peer pressure.
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If there are drugs,
she will absolutely do the drugs.
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That's it. I'm putting
my best men on the case.
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[grunting, struggling, smash]
[scraping]
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Um, I'm putting my...
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most easytoreach men on the case.
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[whispering]
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MUSIC TEACHER:
Exciting news, everyone.
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Gina's in the hospital
due to a missing larynx.
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[cheering]
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That is not the exciting news.
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Since Gina will no longer be singing lead,
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we will have a new round
of solo auditions!
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Oh!
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You can clap now.
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00:04:51,834 --> 00:04:54,254
[applause, cheering]
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That's right! The only time
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I get to openly criticize you
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without getting letters from your parents!
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Auditions?! I should be the lead!
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My parents gave a lot
of money to this school.
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This morning...
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This is HuffmanLoughlin Academy.
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Everyone's parents give a lot of money.
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If I make you lead,
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I have to make everyone lead!
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00:05:14,773 --> 00:05:16,693
Can I pretty please be extra lead?
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You can audition like everyone else.
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Fucking shit!
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Signup sheet up front.
Don't steal my pen!
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00:05:21,572 --> 00:05:24,072
Oh my gosh, that's insane!
[girls giggling]
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Ugh! I hope my voice is on point today.
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00:05:28,912 --> 00:05:31,042
I'm so tired because of
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all the sex stuff I had last night.
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Yup. So many dicks.
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Ugh, like a forest of dicks.
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What about you, Bisque? What's the most
dicks you've had up in there?
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Ugh, I had seven.
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Seven dicks! Last night.
139
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Pretty standard but, oh my god.
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[vocal fry]
I'm so tireeed...
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Blossom, you're such a basic bitch.
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[writing]
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Yup. Just two grown women talkin' sex.
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Classic lady stuff.
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Girlboss.
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♪ ominous music ♪
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Who's selling the drugs?!
Don't push her.
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She's probably on 'roids.
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[deep voice] I've never taken
performanceenhancing substances.
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Rah!
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00:06:22,758 --> 00:06:25,388
Mmkay... Cool...
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Do we have a name?
No.
153
00:06:30,265 --> 00:06:32,555
We have a very disturbing poem.
154
00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:35,019
What does the shallow grave filled
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00:06:35,020 --> 00:06:37,810
with the blood of your
loved ones represent?
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00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:40,154
[raspy]
The future, ugh.
157
00:06:40,859 --> 00:06:44,569
Okay. We're just gonna refer you
over to a counselor.
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00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:46,071
[normal]
[sighs] Again?
159
00:06:46,657 --> 00:06:50,037
Be honest. Do. You. Take. Drugs?
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00:06:50,035 --> 00:06:52,035
Yeah. I take 'em all the time.
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00:06:52,037 --> 00:06:54,867
Like, one a day.
I'm high right now, you fucking pig!
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Fuck the police!
[slam]
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Yeah, she's clean.
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♪
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Broth?
Bisque!
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00:07:02,965 --> 00:07:05,425
Oh!
[giggles] You eating okay?
167
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:08,255
You look horrible.
Aw, thank you!
168
00:07:08,262 --> 00:07:10,312
I'm a squire now! Patrick,
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this is my little sister, Bisque!
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00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:14,056
I didn't know you had a sister,
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who goes to an exclusive boarding school
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that's insanely expensive!
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00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:20,516
Yeah. I come from a lot of money,
but my parents cut me off
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00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:22,324
after I wouldn't join the family law firm.
175
00:07:22,317 --> 00:07:23,737
I had to follow my dreams!
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Even if it meant
giving up yacht privileges.
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[laughs] You get it, right?
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Half my teeth are just
polished rocks, so no.
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00:07:29,992 --> 00:07:33,832
Here's some advice.
Teenage girls are cliquish and weird.
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00:07:33,829 --> 00:07:37,119
We're not going to disclose secrets
to a couple of old men.
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00:07:37,124 --> 00:07:39,634
No wonder they're
not talking to us. Wait.
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We're not old men.
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Aw. That wasn't one of the rocks.
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♪
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[bang]
Ah! Hello?
186
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Is anyone in this room doing drugs?
187
00:07:50,345 --> 00:07:51,755
[screaming]
GIRL: Get out! Get out!
188
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Well, if nobody's holding, can you
at least direct me to the bar, please?
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[slam]
190
00:07:57,519 --> 00:08:00,439
Oh! My old dorm room!
191
00:08:00,439 --> 00:08:02,069
Ah!
[bang, slam]
192
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♪
193
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:10,739
[glass shatters, brick thuds]
194
00:08:13,911 --> 00:08:15,581
Ugh. Merriman.
195
00:08:16,914 --> 00:08:19,294
Tulip! Did you get my dick brick?
196
00:08:19,291 --> 00:08:20,461
Yes, you idiot.
197
00:08:20,459 --> 00:08:22,289
Send a tittybrick back.
198
00:08:22,294 --> 00:08:23,804
Go home!
199
00:08:23,795 --> 00:08:25,335
[smack]
[grunt]
200
00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:28,509
Oh... Jesus... Christ...
201
00:08:29,927 --> 00:08:32,427
[birds chirping]
202
00:08:32,429 --> 00:08:35,719
Stop flashing back in here! Ugh!
203
00:08:35,724 --> 00:08:38,394
♪
204
00:08:38,393 --> 00:08:41,983
Late for class? I'm the king, and I have
the power to give you detention.
205
00:08:42,773 --> 00:08:45,783
We figured in order to get
information from teenage girls,
206
00:08:45,776 --> 00:08:48,646
we had to become teenage girls!
207
00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:51,407
You still have detention.
208
00:08:51,406 --> 00:08:53,076
No, sire, we have work to do.
209
00:08:53,075 --> 00:08:54,575
Yes, you do. Look at this headline.
210
00:08:54,576 --> 00:08:57,036
Nobody's talking about my riches!
211
00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:58,997
The little drugvacuums
are taking all the press!
212
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,540
Keep my daughter safe,
and don't make me look stupid.
213
00:09:02,543 --> 00:09:05,553
Ah! Oh! [yelling]
[clattering]
214
00:09:07,506 --> 00:09:08,876
[crash]
Ah...
215
00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:11,182
Alright, Broth, let's go.
Broth?!
216
00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:13,596
I'm Clementine! I'm fun,
217
00:09:13,595 --> 00:09:15,925
flirty, and under 30. [giggles]
218
00:09:15,931 --> 00:09:18,021
I was found in swaddling
clothes behind a nunnery,
219
00:09:18,016 --> 00:09:21,056
and I can jump higher than a tree.
What's your name?
220
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,521
Patricia. Like Patrick, but girl.
221
00:09:23,522 --> 00:09:24,942
Great! And what's your vertical?
222
00:09:24,940 --> 00:09:27,940
♪
223
00:09:32,489 --> 00:09:35,119
[quietly] Bisque! It's us!
Yes, obviously.
224
00:09:35,117 --> 00:09:36,617
Thanks for lending us your makeup.
225
00:09:36,618 --> 00:09:38,788
Thanks for using all of it.
226
00:09:38,787 --> 00:09:40,827
Let me give you the lay of the land.
227
00:09:40,831 --> 00:09:43,001
Each student is an individual
228
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:45,670
who cannot be lumped into stereotypes.
229
00:09:45,669 --> 00:09:47,549
Giving the lay of the land
to the new girls?
230
00:09:47,546 --> 00:09:49,836
Oh my god, this is my specialty! Okay,
231
00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:50,970
that's the drama nerds,
232
00:09:50,966 --> 00:09:52,046
the band sluts,
233
00:09:52,050 --> 00:09:53,090
next to them's the goths,
234
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:54,553
there's the dead poets society,
235
00:09:54,553 --> 00:09:56,053
the punks, the TBirds,
236
00:09:56,054 --> 00:09:57,104
that's just Sandy,
237
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:58,387
there's the baseball furies,
238
00:09:58,390 --> 00:09:59,850
those are the MS13s.
239
00:09:59,850 --> 00:10:02,770
Stay away from them.
They're freshmen with multiple sclerosis.
240
00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:04,899
Those are the preggos. 'Sup, Druella!
241
00:10:04,897 --> 00:10:06,767
DRUELLA: Choke on seven dicks.
[laughs]
242
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:09,533
Those are the sons of anarchy, my table.
243
00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:12,106
And finally, the art kids.
They are freakos.
244
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:13,992
Stay away from them.
245
00:10:13,989 --> 00:10:16,989
♪
246
00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:18,831
BOTH [quietly]
Drugs!
247
00:10:18,827 --> 00:10:20,697
[whispers] Wait, are we sharing secrets?
248
00:10:20,704 --> 00:10:22,754
My dad sits down to pee. [laughs]
249
00:10:22,748 --> 00:10:23,918
♪
250
00:10:26,502 --> 00:10:29,592
♪
251
00:10:30,088 --> 00:10:31,968
Broth, keep your eyes peeled.
252
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:33,585
Those drugs have to be here somewhere.
253
00:10:33,592 --> 00:10:36,182
Oh, Clementine, my word.
254
00:10:36,178 --> 00:10:38,008
This is inspired!
255
00:10:38,013 --> 00:10:39,683
A true feminist metaphor.
256
00:10:41,183 --> 00:10:43,563
Patricia... Try harder, dear.
257
00:10:44,645 --> 00:10:46,095
[whispers]
I'm going in.
258
00:10:47,064 --> 00:10:48,774
[scraping]
259
00:10:48,774 --> 00:10:50,574
[highpitched voice]
Cool, uh,
260
00:10:50,567 --> 00:10:52,487
thing. [giggles]
261
00:10:52,486 --> 00:10:55,656
I'm in the market for some...
art supplies,
262
00:10:55,656 --> 00:10:58,116
if you know what I mean. [giggles]
263
00:10:58,116 --> 00:10:59,536
Glue?
264
00:10:59,535 --> 00:11:02,445
Whatever fucks me up the best. [giggles]
265
00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:05,290
Glitter glue?
266
00:11:05,290 --> 00:11:07,920
[giggles]
And then Ms. Blick was all like,
267
00:11:07,918 --> 00:11:11,088
"Girl art? Try harder."
[girls laughing]
268
00:11:11,088 --> 00:11:13,378
Sh! Sh! Shut the fuck up!
Here she comes!
269
00:11:13,382 --> 00:11:16,182
[singsong]
Oh, Clementine. I'm getting nowhere.
270
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:19,386
But, I've got some great tips about glue.
271
00:11:19,388 --> 00:11:21,888
Wait, were you talking about me?
272
00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:24,890
[birds chirping]
273
00:11:29,439 --> 00:11:31,019
Nope.
274
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:34,034
♪ singing high notes ♪
♪ playing piano ♪
275
00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:36,697
♪ note climbing ♪
276
00:11:38,991 --> 00:11:40,031
You're welcome.
277
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:41,993
Bravo, mon cheri!
278
00:11:41,994 --> 00:11:45,124
The part is yours
Wait! I didn't audition yet.
279
00:11:45,122 --> 00:11:47,372
Save yourself the embarrassment.
280
00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:50,754
Ugh! Fine.
Please, just get this over with.
281
00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:53,298
[exhales]
282
00:11:53,297 --> 00:11:55,587
Um, this song helped me through
283
00:11:55,591 --> 00:11:58,301
a vulnerable time in my life.
[clears throat]
284
00:11:59,887 --> 00:12:02,967
[loud, operatic]
♪ We be... ♪
285
00:12:02,973 --> 00:12:04,103
Sing quieter.
286
00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:07,274
[whispers] Fuckin'?
287
00:12:07,269 --> 00:12:09,309
Extra lead goes to Bisque.
I know.
288
00:12:09,313 --> 00:12:11,193
♪
289
00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:14,440
[disguised voice] Hello? Janitor time!
290
00:12:14,443 --> 00:12:16,863
Coming in to clean your poop!
291
00:12:17,487 --> 00:12:19,777
[normal voice]
Ah. The coast is clear.
292
00:12:20,324 --> 00:12:22,374
Here we are. Gossip central.
[stall door shuts]
293
00:12:22,367 --> 00:12:24,327
What's today's tea?
294
00:12:24,328 --> 00:12:27,618
"Druella felt the baby kick."
Well, that's nice.
295
00:12:27,623 --> 00:12:29,423
Poem about trees. Who cares?
296
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:31,416
"Fern, picture of scissors, Ivy."
297
00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:33,128
Hm. Baffling.
298
00:12:33,128 --> 00:12:34,668
Let's heat up this message board.
299
00:12:34,671 --> 00:12:36,511
"King Merriman is rich,
300
00:12:36,507 --> 00:12:39,837
"and we should tell our parents
he is an ice pimp daddy,
301
00:12:39,843 --> 00:12:42,603
or use whatever
the current vernacular is."
302
00:12:42,596 --> 00:12:45,676
Bomboclaat! "Signed, a student."
303
00:12:45,682 --> 00:12:46,682
[door opens]
304
00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:48,393
GIRL 1:
I now call to order
305
00:12:48,393 --> 00:12:50,403
the meeting of the Bulimia Club!
306
00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:52,355
[stall doors open, shut]
307
00:12:52,356 --> 00:12:54,816
[girls vomiting]
308
00:12:54,816 --> 00:12:57,486
Oh no. It's an unattainable standard.
309
00:12:57,486 --> 00:12:59,946
GIRL 2:
I'm going to get to a size zero!
310
00:12:59,947 --> 00:13:02,987
[highpitched voice] Well, I'm going
to choose to love myself as I am,
311
00:13:02,991 --> 00:13:04,491
and you should, too!
312
00:13:05,911 --> 00:13:07,621
[girls vomiting]
313
00:13:07,621 --> 00:13:10,331
Hey, guys! Big hang!
314
00:13:10,332 --> 00:13:13,882
Booze and crispy drugs.
Super popular and cool!
315
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:16,461
[hissing, growling]
316
00:13:16,463 --> 00:13:17,923
Oh my god, Ivy.
317
00:13:17,923 --> 00:13:20,223
You're so desperate for attention.
318
00:13:20,217 --> 00:13:21,717
[screaming]
319
00:13:21,718 --> 00:13:24,468
Guys, don't go after her.
It's what she wants.
320
00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:26,931
I am a dragon!
321
00:13:26,932 --> 00:13:28,482
FERN:
Wait, Ivy! Come back!
322
00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:31,515
Ivy! Stop being random!
323
00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:33,730
[hissing, grunting]
324
00:13:33,730 --> 00:13:36,730
[gasps] The drugs are turning her green!
325
00:13:36,733 --> 00:13:39,323
Oh! That is so awesome
326
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:42,489
and tragic. Should be me lying there.
327
00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:45,199
I'm gonna find the drugs
and do them all at the same time.
328
00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:47,200
Come on! We can't lose her!
329
00:13:47,202 --> 00:13:50,462
♪
330
00:13:50,455 --> 00:13:51,865
Damn it! We can't go in there.
331
00:13:51,874 --> 00:13:54,294
Patricia, don't be selfconscious.
332
00:13:54,293 --> 00:13:55,633
All bodies are beautiful.
333
00:13:55,627 --> 00:13:57,247
Broth, we are "A," grownups,
334
00:13:57,254 --> 00:13:59,424
"B," penishavers, and "C," cops.
335
00:13:59,423 --> 00:14:01,763
Ah, you're right! We can't go in,
336
00:14:01,758 --> 00:14:03,468
but Clementine can.
337
00:14:03,468 --> 00:14:05,638
WhaYClementine is you.
338
00:14:05,637 --> 00:14:08,767
Broth is Clementine! Huh?
MS. BLICK: Okay, here you go.
339
00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:11,805
♪
340
00:14:11,810 --> 00:14:14,150
This thing goes
all the way to the top...
341
00:14:14,146 --> 00:14:16,856
of the art department.
342
00:14:18,233 --> 00:14:21,533
[highpitched voice]
Ms. Blick? We hear you have the goods.
343
00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:24,448
Oh, is it that time?
It's always that time!
344
00:14:24,448 --> 00:14:27,028
Ew. That could be trouble down the road.
345
00:14:27,034 --> 00:14:30,044
Five bucks each.
[normal] You're out of business, Blick!
346
00:14:30,037 --> 00:14:33,287
Oh, hell no!
I'm not getting robbed today!
347
00:14:33,290 --> 00:14:35,290
[grunting]
[laughing]
348
00:14:36,168 --> 00:14:37,588
[grunt]
[yelling]
349
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,208
[slice, spinning]
Ha, ha!
350
00:14:40,714 --> 00:14:43,684
[grunting]
We're not trying to rob you!
351
00:14:43,675 --> 00:14:45,135
We're only trying to tie you up!
352
00:14:45,135 --> 00:14:47,965
I taught art therapy to atrisk youth!
353
00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:50,061
You think you can scare me?!
354
00:14:50,057 --> 00:14:51,767
♪
355
00:14:54,436 --> 00:14:56,556
[maniacal laugh]
356
00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:58,823
Eat this, you drugpushing hippie!
357
00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:01,816
Ha, ha! Good thinking, Clem!
358
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:04,320
[growl]
359
00:15:04,321 --> 00:15:07,121
[screaming]
Ah, shit! Run!
360
00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:09,695
[all screaming]
361
00:15:09,701 --> 00:15:10,951
Ah shit!
362
00:15:10,953 --> 00:15:12,333
[screaming]
363
00:15:12,329 --> 00:15:15,749
Jesus Christ!
BLICK: The kiln has a childproof lock!
364
00:15:15,749 --> 00:15:19,129
Pinch and twist!
Pinch and motherfucking twist!
365
00:15:19,127 --> 00:15:21,877
It won't open!
[Blick screaming]
366
00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:24,130
[straining]
[screaming stops]
367
00:15:24,132 --> 00:15:27,302
[flames crackling]
368
00:15:27,302 --> 00:15:29,302
Maybe she fell asleep?
369
00:15:31,098 --> 00:15:32,808
[screaming]
[bubbling]
370
00:15:32,808 --> 00:15:34,308
Ah!
I'm gonna puke!
371
00:15:34,309 --> 00:15:36,979
♪ Fa sol la ti do ♪
372
00:15:36,979 --> 00:15:39,269
Hey, Bisque!
Do you have any drugs I can eat?
373
00:15:39,273 --> 00:15:41,403
I'm trying to slap some cred on this ass.
374
00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:44,320
First, if I had drugs,
I wouldn't give them to you.
375
00:15:44,319 --> 00:15:46,859
Second, don't interrupt me
while I'm practicing
376
00:15:46,864 --> 00:15:49,414
for my extra lead solo.
[grunts]
377
00:15:49,408 --> 00:15:52,788
Oh! Ah! [yelling]
[crashing, falling]
378
00:15:52,786 --> 00:15:54,196
Why so many stairs?!
379
00:15:54,204 --> 00:15:56,164
Ah!
[crash]
380
00:15:56,164 --> 00:15:58,714
[click]
I may be a basic bitch,
381
00:15:58,709 --> 00:16:00,789
but you're a basement Bisque!
382
00:16:00,794 --> 00:16:02,844
[cackling]
383
00:16:02,838 --> 00:16:04,338
[laughter fades]
384
00:16:05,215 --> 00:16:07,425
Aw. No one heard me.
385
00:16:08,010 --> 00:16:11,180
I've had a very stressful day.
You better have good news.
386
00:16:11,180 --> 00:16:12,680
Here are your drugs,
387
00:16:12,681 --> 00:16:14,931
and here is your drug dealer.
Broth made the urn.
388
00:16:14,933 --> 00:16:17,063
A strong feminist metaphor.
389
00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:18,440
It's what she would've wanted.
390
00:16:18,437 --> 00:16:19,607
Good work, hoes.
391
00:16:19,605 --> 00:16:21,565
Merriman, at first, I was skeptical
392
00:16:21,565 --> 00:16:23,725
about your men running around undercover,
393
00:16:23,734 --> 00:16:25,864
but color me impressed.
394
00:16:25,861 --> 00:16:28,531
These aren't drugs. They're tampons!
395
00:16:28,530 --> 00:16:29,910
MEN:
Tampons?!
396
00:16:29,907 --> 00:16:33,407
Wait a minute. Isn't that
recently widowed Ms. Blick's tote bag?
397
00:16:33,410 --> 00:16:36,410
Okay, real talk. We need
to have a serious discussion
398
00:16:36,413 --> 00:16:38,833
about who's singing lead at the ceremony.
399
00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:41,336
♪
400
00:16:41,335 --> 00:16:44,585
That looks like one of the tampons
twotime breast cancer survivor
401
00:16:44,588 --> 00:16:45,758
Ms. Blick sells.
402
00:16:45,756 --> 00:16:47,756
Ms. Blick sells tampons?
403
00:16:47,758 --> 00:16:49,298
Hell yeah, she does!
404
00:16:49,301 --> 00:16:51,721
Those free pads in the bathroom
are like sandpaper.
405
00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:54,770
It's like every day of your period
is raw taco Tuesday.
406
00:16:54,765 --> 00:16:57,635
Am I right, Clementine?
Preach, girlfriend.
407
00:16:57,643 --> 00:17:00,563
What the hell happened to you?
Who cares.
408
00:17:00,562 --> 00:17:03,772
Anyway, I heard Ms. Blick's
latest batch is cloverscented,
409
00:17:03,774 --> 00:17:05,534
and all the proceeds go to a charity
410
00:17:05,526 --> 00:17:08,146
that helps drugaddicted
puppies get adopted!
411
00:17:08,153 --> 00:17:10,823
Like, oh my god!
I wouldn't wanna live in a world
412
00:17:10,822 --> 00:17:12,452
without Ms. Blick!
413
00:17:12,449 --> 00:17:14,159
Oh, I need to lie down.
414
00:17:14,159 --> 00:17:17,199
[smash]
Ms. Blick is exceptional.
415
00:17:17,204 --> 00:17:19,674
Quick to anger,
but nobody's perfect.
416
00:17:19,665 --> 00:17:22,955
We're honoring her with
a lifetime achievement award
417
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:25,500
at today's ceremony. Where is she anyway?
418
00:17:27,130 --> 00:17:29,300
She's been... kilned.
419
00:17:29,299 --> 00:17:32,429
Without context, that means nothing.
420
00:17:32,427 --> 00:17:34,427
[quiet chatter]
421
00:17:34,429 --> 00:17:36,179
The event is canceled.
422
00:17:36,181 --> 00:17:38,101
[crowd gasping]
We're in the midst of a drug epidemic,
423
00:17:38,100 --> 00:17:40,690
and we're missing our soloist,
who also happens to be
424
00:17:40,686 --> 00:17:43,306
the most popular girl in her grade
as per my ranking.
425
00:17:43,313 --> 00:17:45,443
We can still solve this.
We need to think like
426
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:47,650
15yearold girls! [grunting]
427
00:17:48,527 --> 00:17:51,607
Okay, we know girls think
they're turning into...
428
00:17:51,613 --> 00:17:54,073
BROTH: Dragon!
Exactly. They scream
429
00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:56,704
I am now a dragon now!
Broth!
430
00:17:56,702 --> 00:17:59,582
[hissing, growling]
It's the tampons! Take them out!
431
00:17:59,580 --> 00:18:02,040
[growling] Dragon!
Broth! Come back!
432
00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:03,830
Rah! Dragon!
433
00:18:03,834 --> 00:18:06,004
[panting]
BISQUE: Let me out!
434
00:18:06,003 --> 00:18:08,423
[banging on door]
Let me out!
435
00:18:08,422 --> 00:18:10,842
I've learned the secret
behind the drug overdoses!
436
00:18:10,841 --> 00:18:12,681
I know! It's the tampons!
437
00:18:12,676 --> 00:18:15,096
Go tell everyone to take
their tampons out!
438
00:18:15,095 --> 00:18:18,515
I gotta go save the most
beautiful girl in the world.
439
00:18:18,515 --> 00:18:20,515
[panting]
440
00:18:20,517 --> 00:18:23,727
Everyone! Take out your tampons!
441
00:18:23,729 --> 00:18:26,359
Hm. Let's see where this is going.
442
00:18:26,356 --> 00:18:28,566
They are full of drugs!
443
00:18:28,567 --> 00:18:29,987
[screaming]
444
00:18:29,985 --> 00:18:31,985
GIRL:
Yank it!
445
00:18:32,487 --> 00:18:34,237
[grunts]
446
00:18:34,239 --> 00:18:35,489
[splattering]
447
00:18:35,490 --> 00:18:38,410
Oh! This reminds me of
my bachelorette party.
448
00:18:38,410 --> 00:18:40,540
[growling, yelling]
BISQUE: Oh no!
449
00:18:40,537 --> 00:18:42,287
Broth! Oh my god, Broth!
450
00:18:42,289 --> 00:18:44,879
[growling, yelling]
451
00:18:44,875 --> 00:18:46,705
[crowd screaming]
452
00:18:46,710 --> 00:18:49,000
[yelling]
453
00:18:49,004 --> 00:18:50,264
[grunt]
BROTH: Ow.
454
00:18:50,255 --> 00:18:52,505
[applause, cheering]
455
00:18:53,509 --> 00:18:55,009
You're not a dragon!
[pop]
456
00:18:55,010 --> 00:18:56,430
You're my brother!
457
00:18:56,428 --> 00:18:58,138
[Broth grunts]
[crowd gasps]
458
00:18:58,138 --> 00:18:59,428
Are you shitting me?
459
00:18:59,431 --> 00:19:02,061
l let you paint my goddamn
toenails, you freak.
460
00:19:02,059 --> 00:19:04,479
[growl, shudder] Oh. Bisque?
461
00:19:04,478 --> 00:19:07,058
Oh my gosh, I was out of my mind!
462
00:19:07,064 --> 00:19:08,864
I thought you were the pope!
Yeah?
463
00:19:08,857 --> 00:19:11,027
Does the pope kiss like this?
464
00:19:11,026 --> 00:19:12,856
[moaning]
465
00:19:12,861 --> 00:19:14,611
They're not gonna...
CROWD: Ew!
466
00:19:14,613 --> 00:19:16,113
[all exclaiming]
467
00:19:16,114 --> 00:19:18,664
[laughs] Wouldn't that be weird?
468
00:19:18,659 --> 00:19:21,539
[laughs] Classic viking prank.
469
00:19:21,537 --> 00:19:22,787
Will we? Won't we?
470
00:19:22,788 --> 00:19:25,958
Right? Like, everyone's like,
"Is it real?"
471
00:19:25,958 --> 00:19:28,748
Stop talking.
Someone explain this at once!
472
00:19:28,752 --> 00:19:31,962
Well, the tampons were
causing the overdoses.
473
00:19:31,964 --> 00:19:34,134
But what I don't understand is how.
474
00:19:34,132 --> 00:19:36,262
I can answer that question.
475
00:19:36,844 --> 00:19:39,354
Ms. Blick was always tinkering
476
00:19:39,346 --> 00:19:41,466
with the recipe for her homemade tampons
477
00:19:41,473 --> 00:19:43,183
in the shady basement.
478
00:19:43,183 --> 00:19:46,143
She perfected the clover scentusing a chemical called
479
00:19:46,144 --> 00:19:48,774
phencyclidine, AKA...
[sniffs]
480
00:19:48,772 --> 00:19:50,232
angel dust.
481
00:19:51,024 --> 00:19:54,034
But, Bisque, what about
the greencolored skin?
482
00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:56,147
The drugs shut down kidney function,
483
00:19:56,154 --> 00:19:58,494
turning skin yellow,
and also cut off oxygen,
484
00:19:58,490 --> 00:19:59,830
turning skin blue.
485
00:19:59,825 --> 00:20:02,195
According to Ms. Blick's color wheel,
486
00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:04,162
yellow and blue make green.
487
00:20:04,162 --> 00:20:05,872
Whoa! You're a genius!
488
00:20:05,873 --> 00:20:07,963
And not to make this
exposition any longer,
489
00:20:07,958 --> 00:20:09,458
but how'd you figure all that out?
490
00:20:09,459 --> 00:20:12,799
I saw the empty bottles in
the basement when Blossom
491
00:20:12,796 --> 00:20:14,916
threw me down there.
[nervous laugh]
492
00:20:14,923 --> 00:20:16,383
[crowd booing]
493
00:20:16,383 --> 00:20:18,593
But I'm sure Ms. Blick will explain
494
00:20:18,594 --> 00:20:20,644
the side effects were just an accident.
495
00:20:20,637 --> 00:20:22,347
[laughs] Nah, dude, she won't.
496
00:20:23,765 --> 00:20:24,885
She dead.
497
00:20:24,892 --> 00:20:27,352
[gasps] Renowned special needs
498
00:20:27,352 --> 00:20:30,652
children's book author Ms. Blick is dead?!
499
00:20:30,647 --> 00:20:32,477
[crowd crying, screaming]
500
00:20:32,482 --> 00:20:35,652
Some might say... she was kilned.
501
00:20:35,652 --> 00:20:38,322
That's the second time
you've employed that pun.
502
00:20:38,322 --> 00:20:40,872
Are you saying Ms. Blick
died in the art room kiln,
503
00:20:40,866 --> 00:20:43,536
fired at a temperature
of over 1,800 degrees
504
00:20:43,535 --> 00:20:45,535
until her flesh turned to ash?
505
00:20:46,288 --> 00:20:48,828
Yerp.
This is the worst day
506
00:20:48,832 --> 00:20:51,212
in the history of our school!
Where's the other degenerate
507
00:20:51,210 --> 00:20:53,550
posing as a student?
[Patrick whimpers]
508
00:20:53,545 --> 00:20:54,455
[crowd gasps]
509
00:20:54,463 --> 00:20:58,303
[girls screaming, crying]
510
00:20:58,717 --> 00:21:01,597
Oh, I just wanted to be
closer to my daughter!
511
00:21:01,595 --> 00:21:03,465
Tell it to the judge, Michael.
512
00:21:04,932 --> 00:21:07,892
I need to start paying more attention.
513
00:21:07,893 --> 00:21:10,903
Ew! I let you French me!
514
00:21:11,230 --> 00:21:12,480
[groaning sigh]
515
00:21:13,065 --> 00:21:15,525
Bbraid! French braid!
516
00:21:15,526 --> 00:21:18,606
Well, I can tell what tomorrow's
gossip is gonna be,
517
00:21:18,612 --> 00:21:20,992
and it's not about how fucking rich I am.
518
00:21:20,989 --> 00:21:22,819
It was all for nothing, sparklenips.
519
00:21:22,824 --> 00:21:25,704
Not for nothing. Hm?
[clanging]
520
00:21:26,537 --> 00:21:28,117
Ah! A tittybrick!
521
00:21:28,121 --> 00:21:29,711
[giggles]
You remembered!
522
00:21:29,706 --> 00:21:31,456
Mmhmhmm! [giggling]
523
00:21:31,458 --> 00:21:32,878
What a day.
524
00:21:32,876 --> 00:21:36,046
Let's open this fucking greenhouse.
525
00:21:36,046 --> 00:21:38,216
♪ Mindfulness center ♪
526
00:21:38,215 --> 00:21:40,215
♪ Slash butterfly ♪
527
00:21:40,217 --> 00:21:42,757
♪ Sanctuary... ♪
528
00:21:42,761 --> 00:21:45,891
♪ Butterfly... ♪
529
00:21:45,889 --> 00:21:48,099
♪ Butterfly ♪
530
00:21:48,100 --> 00:21:50,770
[gong crash]
[crowd cheering]
531
00:21:50,769 --> 00:21:53,189
Well, that sucked.
Thank you for the review.
532
00:21:53,188 --> 00:21:55,148
Also, you're expelled.
533
00:21:55,148 --> 00:21:58,528
What? Why?
For shoving the most popular girl
534
00:21:58,527 --> 00:22:00,777
in your grade down a flight of stairs,
535
00:22:00,779 --> 00:22:03,409
and because I don't much care
for your obnoxious parents!
536
00:22:03,407 --> 00:22:05,657
Enjoy public school.
537
00:22:05,659 --> 00:22:06,949
What's public school?
538
00:22:06,952 --> 00:22:10,412
Since your daughter is
no longer a student here,
539
00:22:10,414 --> 00:22:11,924
we'll be replacing your name
540
00:22:11,915 --> 00:22:15,665
on the Mindfulness Center
Slash Butterfly Sanctuary.
541
00:22:16,170 --> 00:22:18,170
This is bullshit.
542
00:22:18,172 --> 00:22:19,422
[glass shatters]
543
00:22:20,507 --> 00:22:22,337
Burn it all down!
544
00:22:22,342 --> 00:22:23,592
♪
545
00:22:25,933 --> 00:22:27,943
♪
546
00:22:27,935 --> 00:22:30,345
You're the new girl, Blossom, right?
547
00:22:30,354 --> 00:22:32,194
Welcome to public school.
548
00:22:32,189 --> 00:22:35,109
Come help me push this desk
against the door. [straining]
549
00:22:35,109 --> 00:22:37,739
[both struggle]
Why are we doing this?
550
00:22:37,736 --> 00:22:39,196
Active shooter protocols.
551
00:22:39,196 --> 00:22:42,116
Shelter in place, stay quiet,
write your loved ones.
552
00:22:42,116 --> 00:22:44,076
[arrows flying]
Ah! Oh my god!
553
00:22:44,660 --> 00:22:46,200
Active shooter?
554
00:22:46,203 --> 00:22:48,293
Does this happen a lot?
No, no, no.
555
00:22:48,288 --> 00:22:51,208
Well, not enough to enact
meaningful arrow reform.
556
00:22:51,208 --> 00:22:53,708
Anyway, let me give you
the lay of the land.
557
00:22:53,711 --> 00:22:55,671
Those are the active shooters.
[glass breaking]
558
00:22:57,381 --> 00:22:59,011
Ugh...
559
00:22:59,717 --> 00:23:02,717
♪ medieval closing theme playing ♪
560
00:23:32,750 --> 00:23:35,750
[8bit beeping]
561
00:23:35,753 --> 00:23:37,593
CHILD:
That was amazing.
562
00:23:37,588 --> 00:23:39,088
[monkey chitters, slap]
563
00:23:39,138 --> 00:23:43,688
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