All language subtitles for 2003 Recess Taking The Fifth Grade.eng

TJ: AH, HALLOWEEN--
ONE OF THOSE TIMES OF YEAR

WHEN SCHOOL AND FUN
JUST NATURALLY COME TOGETHER.

THIS YEAR SEEMED
LIKE IT WOULD BE THE SAME--

DECORATIONS WERE UP ALL OVER.

SOME PEOPLE WERE ALREADY
WEARING THEIR COSTUMES.

AND THE SMELL OF CANDY
WAS IN THE AIR.

MMM MMM MMM.

ALL OF US WERE REALLY
LOOKING FORWARD TO HALLOWEEN.

WELL, ACTUALLY,
ALL OF US EXCEPT SPINELLI.

Gus: HEY, WHERE IS
SPINELLI ANYWAY?

PROBABLY LATE,
MAKIN' A BIG OLD BATCH

OF FAKE BLOOD.
SHE'LL CATCH UP TO US.

TJ: I WAS WRONG. SPINELLI
WOULDN'T CATCH UP TO US.

'CAUSE THAT MORNING,

SHE CHANGED IN A WAY
NONE OF US EXPECTED.

BUT ANYHOW, I THINK
I'M GETTING AHEAD OF MYSELF.

THE FACT IS, WE'D SEEN
A WHOLE LOT OF CHANGES LATELY,

AND IT ALL STARTED
OVER A MONTH AGO.

IT WAS THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL,
AND GUESS WHAT?

ME AND THE GUYS WEREN'T
FOURTH GRADERS ANYMORE.

FINALLY WE MOVED ON UP
TO FIFTH GRADE.

[BOOM]

TJ: WELL, GUYS,
HERE SHE IS--

GOOD OLD
THIRD STREET SCHOOL.

Gus: YOU KNOW, TEEJ,
THE OLD PLACE

REALLY DOES GROW ON YOU.

AND MOTHER NATURE
HAS PREPARED

AN IDYLLIC DAY
FOR OUR RETURN.

YEAH, CHECK IT OUT.

THE BIRDS ARE CHIRPING,
THE GRASS IS GREEN,

AND THE PLACE
IS JUST CRAWLIN'

WITH SUCKERS
TO BEAT AT KICKBALL.

THAT'S THE SPIRIT,
VINCE. AND REMEMBER,

SCHOOL'S GONNA BE
IT'S ROCKIN'-EST YET

'CAUSE THIS YEAR,
WE'RE FIFTH GRADERS.

FIFTH GRADERS
GET THEIR OWN LOCKERS.

I CAN FINALLY KEEP MY INVENTIONS
SAFE FROM FOREIGN SPIES.

I CAN ACTUALLY BE
SECOND IN LINE

TO SLIDE DOWN
OLD RUSTY.

OH, BABY, JUST YOU WAIT
TILL RECESS.

I CAN HARDLY WAIT FOR
THE LUNCH IN THE CAFETERIA.

MY FIFTH GRADE
TASTE BUDS

ARE MUCH MORE SOPHISTICATED,
YOU KNOW.

AS FOR ME, WELL,
BELIEVE IT OR NOT,

I ACTUALLY LOOK FORWARD
TO BEING IN CLASS.

WHAT THE--

I KNOW, SPINELLI.
IT SOUNDS CRAZY.

BUT DON'T FORGET--
THIS YEAR WE HAVE MISS MILKI.

OH, MAN!
I LOVE MISS MILKI!

EVERYONE LOVES
MISS MILKI, VINCE,

'CAUSE SHE LOVES US KIDS.
I'M TELLIN' YA,

FIFTH GRADE IS GONNA BE
THE BEST YEAR YET.

ALL RIGHT, HOOLIGANS,
SETTLE DOWN.

MY NAME IS MISS FINSTER,

AND I'M YOUR
FIFTH GRADE TEACHER.

[CRYING]

WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?
YOU GOT SOMETHING IN YOUR EYE?

GO TO THE NURSE
AND GET IT FIXED.

[CRYING]

UH, MISS FINSTER?

WHAT IS IT, DETWEILER?

WHAT HAPPENED
TO MISS MILKI?

WE WERE KINDA EXPECTING
HER TO BE OUR TEACHER.

MILKI TRANSFERRED OUT!
LUCKILY FOR YOU,

I WAS AVAILABLE
TO TAKE HER PLACE. RANDALL?

YES, MISS FINSTER?

I'LL NEED A CLASS INFORMANT.
YOU'RE IT.

OH, BOY, MISS FINSTER!

FIFTH GRADE IS GONNA BE
THE BEST GRADE EVER!

OF COURSE IT WILL, 'CAUSE
IT'LL HAVE DISCIPLINE,

HOMEWORK, TESTS,
AND MORE DISCIPLINE.

ALL RIGHT, NOW.
TAKE OUT YOUR PENCILS.

I WANT A 3,000-WORD ESSAY

ON WHAT YOU HOOLIGANS DID
DURING THE SUMMER

AND HOW YOU WERE PUNISHED
FOR DOIN' IT.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

Vince: THAT WAS THE MOST

WHOPPINGLY AWFUL
EXPERIENCE OF ALL TIME.

OK, SO HAVING FINSTER
FOR A TEACHER IS A SETBACK.

BUT I GOT A FEELING
I CAN BREAK HER DOWN.

I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE GAVE US
6 TEXTBOOKS!

WHO NEEDS 6 TEXTBOOKS?

BOOKS...HEAVY.

MUST...PUT...DOWN!

WELL, I THINK THIS IS
AN EXCELLENT OPPORTUNITY

TO UTILIZE
OUR NEW LOCKERS.

THEY OUGHT TO BE
RIGHT OVER...

EGAD! THE LOCKERS!
THEY'RE GONE!

WHAT HAPPENED
TO 'EM?

HELLO, FIFTH GRADE CHUMS.

IF YOU ARE LOOKING
FOR THE LOCKERS,

THEY WERE ALL REPLACED BY
THESE INSPIRATIONAL POSTERS.

I ESPECIALLY LIKE
THIS ONE.

WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED
TO DO WITH ALL OUR STUFF?

CAN'T...
HOLD...ON.

AH-AH-AH. "SCHOOL
IS FOR LEARNING,"

NOT COMPLAINING.
TA TA.

OH! [THUD]

OK, SO WE DON'T
GET LOCKERS,

AND WE GOT FINSTER
AS OUR TEACHER.

BIG DEAL. THERE'S STILL
LOTS OF OTHER GREAT STUFF

ABOUT SCHOOL,
RIGHT?

HOW VERY TRUE, TJ.

FOR INSTANCE,
CARRYING THESE TEXTBOOKS

HAS GIVEN ME
QUITE AN APPETITE.

THERE YOU GO, MIKEY.

WHO'S UP FOR LUNCH
IN THE CAFETERIA?

NOW YOU'RE TALKIN'.

Gus: AS I RECALL,
ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL,

THEY USUALLY SERVE PIZZA.

AH, YES!
I LOVE PIZZA!

TJ: Tender.

UM, THIS DOESN'T
LOOK LIKE PIZZA.

FOR THE LOVE OF BUTTER,
WHAT IS IT?!

IT'S NUTRITION PASTE.

ALL PART OF A NEW
AND IMPROVED CAFETERIA MENU.

DO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME
THAT INSTEAD OF TASTY,

KID-FRIENDLY ENTR ES,

WE'RE NOW GOING
TO BE SERVED

NUTRITION PASTE
EVERY DAY?

OF COURSE NOT.

ON TUESDAY WE GOT
NUTRITION LOG,

ON WEDNESDAY WE GOT
NUTRITION LUMPS,

ON THURSDAY WE GOT
NUTRITION LOAF,

AND ON FRIDAY WE GOT ZESTY
MACARONI AND NUTRITION.

BON APP TIT.

ALL RIGHT, SO THEY
TOOK AWAY OUR TEACHER,

THEY TOOK AWAY
OUR LOCKERS,

AND THEY TOOK AWAY
OUR LUNCH.

AT LEAST WE STILL
GOT RECESS.

[ALL GASP]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[RUMBLING]

[CLANG]

Kid: HEY!

NO! NOT OLD RUSTY!

NO-O-O-O-O!

SORRY, KID.
DISTRICT ORDERS.

[HORN HONKS]

I CAN'T
BELIEVE THIS.

THEY TOOK AWAY THE
WHOLE PLAYGROUND!

WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT?

ARE THEY MAD?

OH, NEVER AGAIN
TO ROLL ABOUT

IN THE FRESH
GREEN CLOVER.

OR TO MAKE NECKLACES
OF DANDELIONS

OR HATS OF MUD.

THEY HAVEN'T JUST
TAKE OUR PLAYGROUND.

THEY'VE TAKEN
OUR CHILDHOOD!

AND NOW
THEY'VE GONE TOO FAR.

ATTENTION, STUDENTS.

THIS IS PRINCIPAL PRICKLY
SPEAKING.

NOW, YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED
A FEW CHANGES

AROUND YOUR SCHOOL TODAY,

AND THESE ARE NOTHING
TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT.

THEY'RE ALL PART
OF THE BOARD OF EDUCATION'S

NEW SCHOOL IMPROVEMENT
POLICY,

SO I HOPE YOU'LL ALL ENJOY
YOUR NEW, IMPROVED--

AAH! TJ, WHAT ARE YOU DOING
IN MY OFFICE?

I'M HERE
FOR ANSWERS, SIR.

BUT I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF
ADDRESSING THE STUDENTS.

SIR, I SUGGEST
YOU SIGN OFF,

'CAUSE THE WAY I'M FEELIN',
I MIGHT JUST SAY SOMETHING

THAT KINDERGARTNERS
SHOULDN'T HEAR.

UH, THAT'S ALL FOR NOW.

JUST GO BACK
TO YOUR FUN.

ALL RIGHT, TJ,

I UNDERSTAND
IF YOU'RE UPSET.

UPSET? SIR,
WITH ALL DUE RESPECT,

YOU'VE RUINED OUR SCHOOL!

DON'T GO BLAMING ME, TJ.
IT WASN'T MY IDEA.

AND BESIDES,
NO ONE'S RUINING SCHOOL.

THE BOARD OF EDUCATION JUST
MADE A FEW CHANGES IS ALL.

THEY PAVED OVER
OUR PLAYGROUND!

WELL, THE BOARD FEELS
THAT MAINTAINING

A FIELD OF GRASS
AND PLAY EQUIPMENT

DIVERTS MONEY THAT CAN
BETTER BE USED ELSEWHERE.

LIKE FOR THESE NIFTY
PRE-RECORDED ANNOUNCEMENTS,

FOR INSTANCE.

Woman's voice: LESS PLAY,
MORE STUDYING. THAT IS ALL.

WHAT?!

SHE SOUNDS LIKE
A VERY NICE LADY.

WHAT ABOUT THE LOCKERS?

THE BOARD OF ED FEELS
THAT INSPIRATIONAL POSTERS

ARE A MORE MEANINGFUL USE
OF WALL SPACE,

AND THE MORE TIME SPENT HOLDING
YOUR BOOKS, THE BETTER.

AND THAT GRAY GUNK
THEY'RE SERVING AT LUNCH?

NUTRITION PASTE CONTAINS
ALL THE VITAMINS

CHILDREN NEED FOR
MAXIMUM LEARNING POTENTIAL.

[GRUNTS] THAT IS ALL HERE
IN THE IMPROVEMENT PLAN.

BUT, SIR, I THOUGHT YOU
REMEMBERED WHAT IT WAS LIKE

TO BE A KID,
AND TO KIDS,

ALL THIS STUFF
IS JUST CRUMMY.

LOOK, TJ,
TO BE HONEST WITH YOU,

I'M NOT SO SURE ABOUT
THIS WHOLE PLAN MYSELF.

BUT THE BOARD
HAS ORDERED IT.

THERE'S NOTHING
I CAN DO.

YOU CAN SAY NO.

I CAN'T GO UP AGAINST
THE BOARD OF EDUCATION.

I'LL LOSE MY JOB.
THEN THEY'LL JUST REPLACE ME

WITH SOMEONE WHO WILL
GO ALONG WITH THEM.

BUT PRINCIPAL PRICKLY--

LISTEN, TJ,

THERE'S SOMETHING
YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND.

I KNOW I SEEM LIKE
A BIG BOSS AROUND HERE,

BUT COMPARED TO THE BOARD,
I'M JUST A LITTLE GUY,

AND THERE ARE TIMES WHEN
THE LITTLE GUY CAN'T CHANGE

THE WAY THINGS ARE DONE.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

YES, SIR.
I THINK I DO.

THANK YOU.

SO, WHAT'D
PRICKLY SAY?

HE SAYS THERE ARE TIMES
WHEN THE LITTLE GUY

JUST HAS TO ACCEPT
THE WAY THINGS ARE.

YOU MEAN, SCHOOL'S GONNA BE
LIKE THIS FOREVER?!

OH, I DIDN'T
SAY THAT, GUS.

I DIDN'T SAY THAT
AT ALL.

Mother: TJ,
TIME FOR SCHOOL!

COME ON DOWN
AND EAT YOUR TOAST.

IT'S GETTING COLD.

DON'T WASTE
YOUR BREATH, MOM.

TJ'S NOT COMING DOWN.

NOT COMING DOWN?

WHAT'S THE MATTER?
IS HE SICK?

HE'S ALWAYS BEEN SICK.

WATCH THE SLANDER,
BECKY.

HEY, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT HIS PROBLEM IS.

ALL HE TOLD ME WAS THAT
HE WASN'T COMING DOWN,

AND THAT WAS
GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME.

YOU'D BETTER SEE
WHAT'S GOING ON, DEAR.

I'D BETTER SEE
WHAT'S GOING ON.

[HUMMING]

Mother: TJ?
HI, MOM.

TJ, IT'S TIME
TO COME DOWN NOW.

HONEY,
YOUR DOOR'S LOCKED.

IT'S NOT JUST
LOCKED, MOM.

IT'S BARRICADED.
BARRICADED?

BUT, HONEY, WHY?

AND HOW WILL YOU GET
TO SCHOOL?

THAT WON'T BE
A PROBLEM, MOM,

'CAUSE AS OF
THIS MORNING,

I'M NEVER GOING BACK
TO SCHOOL AGAIN.

HI, DWEEBS.

UH, HI, BECKY.

IS TJ READY
FOR SCHOOL?

NOPE. NOT BY
A LONG SHOT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

OH, HE'S JUST LOCKED
HIMSELF IN HIS ROOM,

BARRICADED THE DOOR, AND CLAIMS
HE'S NEVER COMING OUT.

TYPICAL FREAK BEHAVIOR.

NOW EXCUSE ME,
LITTLE KIDDIES.

NORMAL PEOPLE LIKE ME
HAVE TO GET TO CLASS.

LET'S HOPE IT'S
AN OBEDIENCE SCHOOL.

ASSUMING
JUST THIS ONCE

THAT BECKY'S
TELLING THE TRUTH,

WHY WOULD TJ LOCK
HIMSELF IN HIS ROOM?

INDEED. QUITE
THE CONUNDRUM.

I SAY
WE INVESTIGATE.

TJ, CONFOUND IT.
OPEN UP ALREADY.

SORRY, DAD, BUT I CANNOT
IN GOOD CONSCIENCE DO THAT.

TJ, THIS LITTLE PRANK
IS GETTING VERY SERIOUS.

IF YOU DON'T
GO TO SCHOOL RIGHT NOW,

YOU'LL GET A TARDY!

YEAH, AND IF I DON'T LEAVE
FOR WORK RIGHT NOW,

MY BOSS IS GONNA
GIVE ME A TARDY.

COME OUT SOON, TJ,
OR YOU'RE GROUNDED.

TJ: THAT'S OK
WITH ME.

OH, DEAR ME.

HE'S DEFINITELY
GOING TO BE TARDY.

I BETTER CALL
THE SCHOOL.

I'VE TAKEN MY STAND.

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT
IS IN THE HANDS OF FATE.

[THUMP]
WHAT THE--

[SQUEAK]

HELLO, TJ.

SORRY ABOUT
THE BANANA.

IT WAS THE SOFTEST THING
IN MIKEY'S LUNCH.

WHAT'S GOIN' ON?

OH, IT'S PRETTY SIMPLE,
ACTUALLY.

I'VE STOPPED GOING
TO SCHOOL.

STOPPED GOING TO SCHOOL?
YOU CAN'T DO THAT!

HE CAN'T, CAN HE?

ACCORDING TO THE ADULTS
IN POWER, NO, HE CAN'T.

WELL, I SAY THEY CAN'T
TAKE OUR SCHOOL

AND TURN IT INTO
A BORING, CRUMMY PLACE.

I GUESS NOW WE'LL FIND OUT
WHICH ONE OF US IS RIGHT.

A LONE STUDENT
STAGING AN ACT

OF CIVIL DISOBEDIENCE

AGAINST AN ENTIRE BOARD
OF EDUCATION.

WHAT A REVOLUTIONARY
CONCEPT.

WHAT'S A REVOLUTIONARY
CONCEPT?

YEAH, GUYS,
WHAT'S GOIN' ON?

TJ SAYS HE'S NEVER GOING
BACK TO SCHOOL, EVER!

HE'S STAYING RIGHT THERE
IN HIS ROOM.

REALLY?
WHOA, COOL.

COOL? WHAT'S COOL?

IF SOMETHING'S COOL,
YOU TOTALLY HAVE TO TELL US.

TJ'S LOCKED UP
IN HIS ROOM.

HE SAYS HE'S NEVER GOING
BACK TO SCHOOL, EVER!

All: SCANDALOUS!

WHAT'S SO SCANDALOUS?

EWW.
SPILL IT!

OH, ALL RIGHT.

YOU SORT OF ARE
A FELLOW KID AND ALL.

YOU SEE, TJ...

DETWEILER'S NEVER
COMING BACK TO SCHOOL!

YEAH? SO WHAT?

I TRIED NEVER COMING
BACK TO SCHOOL

DOZENS OF TIMES.

BUT HE'S DOING IT
FOR US!

TJ DETWEILER
STAYING HOME IN PROTEST?

I MUST SPREAD THIS NEWS TO
THE 4 CORNERS OF THE PLAYGROUND!

EVERYONE, TJ DETWEILER'S
STAYING HOME FROM SCHOOL.

All: WHOA!

OOGA-CHOOGA!
OOGA-CHOOGA!

THE KID
NO GO TO SCHOOL!

[ALL CHEERING]

WE GO GIVE HIM SUPPORT!

[ALL CHEERING]

[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

ALL RIGHT.
GOOD MORNING, MALCONTENTS.

IT'S TIME TO LEARN!

TODAY'S MATH TEST
WILL HAVE 500 QUESTIONS--

ALL WORD PROBLEMS.

I HOPE YOU SHIFTY PUNKS

BROUGHT PLENTY
OF NUMBER 2 PENCILS.

WHAT THE--
WHERE THE BLAZES IS EVERYONE?

[ALL CHATTERING]

[GASPS] GOOD GRACIOUS!

WHERE DID ALL
YOU CHILDREN COME FROM?

WE HEARD TJ WASN'T GOING
TO SCHOOL. IS IT TRUE?

I GOT ODDS GOING 3 TO 1
THAT IT IS.

WELL, YES,
I'M AFRAID IT IS.

HE WON'T COME OUT
OF HIS ROOM.

SO IT IS TRUE, EH?
TJ'S DITCHING SCHOOL.

MY FIRST BIG SCOOP
AS A FIFTH GRADE INFORMANT.

[ALL CHATTERING]

ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE,
SETTLE DOWN.

LET'S HAVE SOME
ORDER, PLEASE.

ORDER? WHAT ARE YOU
TALKIN' ABOUT?

MY STUDENTS
HAVE ALL GONE AWOL!

THIS IS ANARCHY!

MINE ARE GONE, TOO!

IT'S DOWNRIGHT
TRIPPY!

ARE YOU TELLING ME
THERE ARE NO STUDENTS

IN THE ENTIRE SCHOOL?

YES, SIR, WE MUST
FIND THE CHILDREN

BEFORE SOMETHING
TERRIBLE HAPPENS.

YEAH, LIKE IF THE SCHOOL
BOARD FINDS OUT,

I'LL LOSE MY JOB.

WHERE IN TARNATION
ARE THEY?

Randall: I KNOW EXACTLY
WHERE THEY ARE.

WHAT?
WHAT DID HE SAY?

THAT'S RIGHT.
IT'S ME--RANDALL,

BRINGING YOU THE GOODS
ONCE AGAIN.

YOU SEE, WHEN I NOTICED
ALL THE KIDS

RUNNING OUT OF
THE SCHOOL YARD,

MY INSTINCTS TOLD ME
SOMETHING BIG WAS UP. SO I--

JUST TELL ME WHERE
THE CHILDREN ARE!

THEY'RE AT
TJ'S HOUSE.

DETWEILER!

WHY IS IT ALWAYS
DETWEILER?

SEEMS NAUGHTY TJ'S REFUSING
TO COME TO SCHOOL,

AND EVERYONE ELSE IS THERE
TO SUPPORT HIM.

THEY SAY IT'S A REVOLUTION,
AND IF I KNOW MY HISTORY,

REVOLUTIONS
INVOLVE EXECUTIONS.

DON'T GET
CARRIED AWAY, BOY.

THE BEST WE CAN HOPE FOR
IS JUVENILE HALL.

THAT'LL DO.

All: TJ! TJ! TJ!

[ALL CHEER]

GOODNESS, TJ.

YOUR PROTEST SEEMS
TO HAVE GATHERED MOMENTUM.

BUT SURELY YOU CAN'T SIT
IN YOUR ROOM INDEFINITELY.

HEY, I GOT MY COMIC BOOKS

AND I GOT
MY POLITICAL CAUSE.

A RIGHT-THINKIN' KID DOESN'T
NEED ANY MORE THAN THAT.

BUT WHAT ABOUT FOOD?
WITH NOTHING TO EAT,

YOU'LL SHRINK
INTO A TINY SKELETON.

NOT TO WORRY, MIKE-O.

I RAIDED THE PANTRY
LAST NIGHT AND STOCKED UP.

I GOT ENOUGH GELATIN MIX,
SPAGHETTI NOODLES,

AND TOMATO PASTE TO LAST ME
FOR A GOOD LONG TIME.

BUT, TJ, WHAT ABOUT--

DON'T WORRY, GUS.
I GOT MY OWN BATHROOM.

JEEZ, TEEJ, YOU THOUGHT
OF EVERYTHING.

YEP, AND SO FAR,

EVERYTHING'S GOING
ACCORDING TO PLAN.

SO, WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?

[HORN HONKS]
[ALL GASP]

WHAT HAPPENS NEXT IS
PRICKLY SHOWS UP.

[TIRES SCREECH]

LOOK AT ALL THESE KIDS.
I HAVEN'T SEEN

A CROWD LIKE THIS
SINCE WOODSTOCK.

WHAT'S YOUR PLAN, SIR?
SHALL I CALL THE COPS?

AAH! NO! WE'VE GOT
TO KEEP THIS QUIET.

I'LL TALK
TO DETWEILER MYSELF.

SHOULD WE WATCH DETWEILER
GET IN TROUBLE

FROM THE CAR, MISS FINSTER?

NO, RANDALL.

LET'S SAVOR THIS
UP CLOSE.

OOH, ZESTY.

EXCUSE ME. PARDON ME.
GET OUT OF THE--

OW!

WELL, IF YOU DON'T WANT
TO GET STEPPED ON,

STAY IN CLASS.

TJ DETWEILER,

AS YOUR PRINCIPAL,
I ORDER YOU

TO COME OUT OF
YOUR ROOM RIGHT NOW!

WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, SIR,

SINCE I QUIT SCHOOL, YOU'RE
NOT MY PRINCIPAL ANYMORE,

AND I DON'T HAVE
TO FOLLOW YOUR ORDERS.

COME ON, TJ.

BECAUSE OF YOU,
NOBODY'S GOING TO SCHOOL.

THAT'S NOT
MY PROBLEM, SIR.

WHAT DO YOU WANT
FROM ME?

WELL, FOR STARTERS,
I'D LIKE A NICE, HOT,

TASTY LUNCH
IN THE CAFETERIA.

NOT JUST FOR ME, BUT
FOR EVERY KID AT SCHOOL.

[ALL CHEER]

I WANT
THE KICKBALL FIELD BACK,

AND THE BASKETBALL HOOPS,
AND OLD RUSTY, TOO.

AND LOCKERS!

[ALL CHEER]

I UNDERSTAND
SKIPPING SCHOOL IS WRONG.

I KNOW STUDYING AND LEARNING
ARE GOOD FOR ME.

BUT THE WAY I SEE IT,

NONE OF THE NEW CHANGES
HELP WITH ANY OF THAT STUFF.

THEY JUST MAKE SCHOOL
A CRUMMY PLACE TO BE.

ALL I ASK, SIR,

IS THAT YOU GIVE US BACK
THE SCHOOL WE LOVE,

AND IF THIS IS
WHAT IT TAKES TO GET IT,

THEN I'M WILLING
TO FACE THE CONSEQUENCES.

[ALL CHEER]

NOW, TJ,
I ALREADY TOLD YOU,

THE CHANGES ARE OFFICIAL
BOARD OF ED POLICY.

I CAN'T DO ANYTHING
ABOUT THEM.

THEN I'M AFRAID
I CAN'T COME DOWN!

Kids: OOH.

WELL, THAT DIDN'T
GO WELL.

THAT DIDN'T GO WELL.

[SIRENS]
AH! WHAT'S THAT?

IT'S THE COPS, SIR.

WHOO-HOO! THE FUZZ!

OH, NO.
IT'S NOT THE COPS.

IT'S WORSE. IT'S THE
BOARD OF EDUCATION!

[SIRENS BLARING]

[TIRES SCREECH]

I'M TRUANT OFFICER
McLELLAN.

THIS IS TRUANT OFFICER
McDOOLY...

BOARD OF EDUCATION.

OH, WHY, WHATEVER
BRINGS YOU HERE?

WE UNDERSTAND
YOU HAVE A SITUATION.

OH, I'D HARDLY CALL IT
A SITUATION.

IT'S JUST A HARMLESS BOY
WHO'S LOCKED HIMSELF

IN HIS BEDROOM.

I HAVE IT COMPLETELY
UNDER CONTROL.

[KNOCKS ON WINDOW]

IT SEEMS
HE'S STILL UP THERE.

WELL, FOR NOW.

WHO TOLD YOU PEOPLE
ABOUT THIS ANYWAY?!

WE'RE THE B.O.E.
WE KNOW EVERYTHING.

WE'RE TAKING OVER,
PRINCIPAL PRICKLY.

THIS CASE IS NOW BOARD
OF EDUCATION JURISDICTION.

IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM
WITH THAT, I RECOMMEND

YOU TAKE IT UP WITH THE SCHOOL
BOARD MEMBERS THEMSELVES.

THEY'RE RIGHT
OVER THERE.

THE BOARD MEMBERS--
HERE? NOW?

REPORT, OFFICER McLELLAN.

WHAT SEEMS TO BE
THE PROBLEM?

OUR INTEL
WAS ACCURATE, SIR.

IT'S A KID
WHO WON'T GO TO SCHOOL.

I SEE.

LADIES, GENTLEMEN,
I'M AFRAID

IT'S EVERY BIT AS SERIOUS
AS WE FEARED.

REFUSING TO GO TO SCHOOL
IS A CODE WHITE SITUATION.

CALL IT IN.

CODE WHITE.
I REPEAT--CODE WHITE.

Man: ROGER THAT.
CODE RECEIVED.

PLEASE CONFIRM.

WILL DO.
OVER AND OUT.

SIR, WE'VE GOT
A CODE WHITE.

VERY WELL.

[BEEPING]

YES?

I WILL ELIMINATE
THE PROBLEM.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

KELLY, I'M STANDING
IN FRONT OF THE HOUSE

WHERE 10-YEAR-OLD
TK DUDWALLER

IS REFUSING TO GO TO SCHOOL.

ACCORDING TO OUR SOURCES,
THE BOY IS UPSET

ABOUT SOME NEW
BOARD OF EDUCATION POLICIES.

WITH ME ARE
THE 5 MEMBERS

OF THE STATE BOARD
OF EDUCATION,

ALONG WITH BOARD
SUPERVISOR

MILTON BROWN.
MR. BROWN,

WHAT ABOUT THESE NEW
SCHOOL POLICIES?

ARE THEY GOOD
FOR OUR STUDENTS?

STUDIES HAVE SHOWN
THAT THE POLICIES ARE GOOD

FOR OUR CHILDREN
AND GOOD FOR THE SCHOOLS.

THE BOARD AND I SUPPORT THEM
UNANIMOUSLY.

[ALL AGREE]

THERE YOU HAVE IT.
AS FOR YOUNG TK,

NEIGHBORS SAY HE WAS
ALWAYS A STRANGE CHILD

WHO REFUSED
TO GO ANYWHERE

WITHOUT HIS RED
BASEBALL CAP.

HEY, TJ! TJ!
YOU'RE ON THE NEWS!

WAY TO GO,
TEEJ!

THE PEOPLE
HAVE HEARD YOU.

YOUR LONG STRUGGLE
IS FINALLY OVER.

NOT YET, MIKEY.

BUT I'VE GOT A FEELING
THE END HAS JUST BEGUN.

[BLADES WHIRRING]

OH, NO.
NOT THE HELICOPTER.

THAT CAN ONLY MEAN
ONE THING.

MR. WHITE.

THE ULTIMATE
ENFORCER

OF BOARD OF ED
POLICY.

[BLADES SLOWING DOWN]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

TJ DETWEILER.

BRING IT ON, MR. WHITE.
BRING IT ON.

AH, MR. WHITE.

HOW WONDERFUL
TO SEE YOU.

I TRUST I CAN BE
OF HELP TO YOU.

YOU CAN GET OUT
OF MY WAY, PRICKLY.

YOU HAVE FAILED.
YOU ARE IRRELEVANT.

YOU, YOU,
COME WITH ME.

[DING-DONG]

OH, HELLO.
AND WHO ARE YOU?

MY NAME
IS MR. WHITE, MA'AM.

I'M WITH THE BOARD
OF EDUCATION.

IF YOU DON'T MIND,
MY ASSOCIATES AND I

WOULD LIKE A WORD
WITH YOUR SON THEODORE.

OH, THERE'S NO NEED
FOR THAT.

I'VE CALLED MY HUSBAND.
HE'LL BE HOME

IN HALF AN HOUR
IF TRAFFIC IS GOOD.

THAT'S JUST WHAT I WOULD
EXPECT A LOVING,

BRILLIANT PARENT
SUCH AS YOURSELF TO SAY,

MRS. DETWEILER.
IT IS?

AND I COMPLETELY
AGREE WITH YOU.

THERE IS NOTHING
MORE BENEFICIAL

TO A YOUNG MAN'S
CHARACTER

THAN HEALTHY COMMUNICATION
WITH HIS PARENTS.

SOME OF MY FONDEST MEMORIES
ARE OF SITTING

ON MY PAPPY'S KNEE,
EXCHANGING INFORMATION.

OH, THAT'S WONDERFUL.

YES, IT IS.
BUT UNFORTUNATELY,

HALF AN HOUR IS SIMPLY
TOO LONG TO WAIT.

TJ IS SETTING
A VERY UNFORTUNATE EXAMPLE

FOR ALL THOSE
OTHER CHILDREN OUT THERE.

ANY MOMENT NOW,
HIS DISOBEDIENCE WILL BECOME

INGRAINED IN THEIR
IMPRESSIONABLE BRAINS

AND SPREAD
TO OTHER CHILDREN--

FRIENDS, RELATIVES
E-MAIL BUDDIES.

DISOBEDIENCE
LEADS TO CHAOS, MADNESS.

MADNESS IS VERY BAD
FOR LITTLE CHILDREN.

WOULDN'T YOU SAY,
MRS. DETWEILER?

WHY, YES.
I GUESS IT IS.

THEN PLEASE LET ME
HELP YOUR CHILD

AND ALL THE CHILDREN
OF THE WORLD.

WE'RE THE BOARD OF EDUCATION.
THAT'S WHAT WE DO.

OH, WELL, ALL RIGHT.

HIS ROOM IS UPSTAIRS
ON THE LEFT.

THANK YOU,
MRS. DETWEILER.

BREW ME A POT OF DARJEELING
TEA, IF YOU WILL.

I'M PARCHED.

IS INSTANT OK?

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

HELLO, MR. WHITE.
LONG TIME NO SEE.

TJ DETWEILER.

I IMAGINE YOU'RE FEELING
QUITE FULL OF YOURSELF

AFTER DEFEATING ME ON THAT
WHOLE WHOMPS ISSUE.

IT'S NOT A MATTER
OF BEATING YOU, SIR.

I'M JUST TRYING
TO DO WHAT'S RIGHT.

SO YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT
ASKING ME TO COME OUT.

OH, I HAVE NO INTENTION
OF ASKING YOU TO COME OUT.

YOU DON'T?
OH, NO, TJ.

PRINCIPAL PRICKLY
ALREADY TRIED THAT.

I'M GOING TO ALLOW YOU
TO STAY IN THERE

JUST AS LONG AS YOU WANT.

YOU ARE?
YES.

OF COURSE,
PLEASE DON'T BLAME ME

IF, DURING YOUR ABSENCE,
YOUR FRIENDS START TO FIND

THEIR LIVES BECOMING--
OH, HOW SHALL WE SAY IT--

UH...UNPLEASANT.

WHATCHOO
TALKIN' ABOUT, WHITE?

WELL, EVEN IF YOU DON'T
GO TO SCHOOL, TJ,

I ASSUME YOUR FRIENDS
STILL WILL,

AND I JUST HAPPEN TO KNOW
THAT THE SCHOOL BOARD

IS CONSIDERING
A 12-HOUR SCHOOL DAY,

DOUBLING
THE HOMEWORK LOAD,

FLAVORING THE NUTRITION PASTE
WITH BROCCOLI AND LIVER.

I'VE TRIED VERY HARD TO
FIGHT THEM ON THESE ISSUES.

BUT IF I CAN'T EVEN
CONVINCE ONE CHILD

TO LEAVE HIS BEDROOM,

WHO'S GOING
TO TAKE ME SERIOUSLY?

THAT'S A DIRTY TRICK,
MR. WHITE!

THERE'S NOTHING WRONG
WITH A DIRTY TRICK, TJ,

WHEN IT'S USED
FOR A GREATER GOOD.

OK, THEN YOU WIN.

I'LL UNBARRICADE MY DOOR
AND COME OUT.

WELL, I WONDER
IF MY TEA IS READY.

THAT WAS QUICKER
THAN I EXPECTED.

[CLATTER]

AAH!

WHAT IN THE--

DETWEILER!
THAT WAS A DIRTY TRICK!

DETWEILER? WHERE IS HE?

THE MAGPIE
HAS FLOWN!

THE MAGPIE
HAS FLOWN!

DON'T JUST STAND THERE.

HE PROBABLY CLIMBED
OUT THE WINDOW.

HE'S NOT OUT THERE.

THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

IF HE'S NOT OUT THERE
AND HE'S NOT IN HERE,

THE ONLY OTHER PLACE
HE COULD BE IS THE--

AHA! THERE YOU ARE!

DETWEILER!

I TOLD YOU
I'D LEAVE MY ROOM.

I'M MOVING MY PROTEST
TO THE ROOF!

HAVE IT YOUR WAY, BOY.
IT'S EASY ENOUGH FOR ME

TO GET ON THE ROOF.
TO THE HELICOPTER, MEN!

OH, YEAH. OOPS.

UHH!

[CRACK]

AAH!

[GRUNTING]

SO MUCH FOR PRINCIPALING.

NOW I'LL PROBABLY HAVE
TO GO TO WORK

ON MY BROTHER THURGOOD'S
LOBSTER BOAT IN ALASKA.

TJ: HELP! HELP!

HELP? WHY SHOULD I
HELP YOU, DETWEILER?

THANKS TO YOU,
I'M GONNA LOSE MY JOB,

WHILE YOU JUST DANGLE
FROM THE ROOF.

AAH! DANGLE FROM THE ROOF?!

HANG ON, TJ! I'M COMING!

MOVE IT! OUT OF MY WAY!
LET ME THROUGH!

Gretchen: WHAT'S HAPPENING,
PRINCIPAL PRICKLY?

WHERE IS TJ?

HE'S AROUND THE CORNER.
I NEED A LADDER, QUICK!

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

I'M COMIN', TJ!

CAN'T HOLD ON
MUCH LONGER, SIR!

JUST ANOTHER SECOND!

HERE'S A LADDER!

HOLD IT STEADY, KIDS.

ALL RIGHT, SON.
UHH!

NOW WE'RE GONNA
WORK TOGETHER.

ON 3, I'LL PULL UP
ON ONE HAND,

WHILE YOU PULL UP WITH
THE OTHER. YOU GOT THAT?

YES...SIR.

1, 2, 3!

[BOTH GRUNTING]

OOF!

[ALL CHEER]

THANKS, SIR.

TJ, ARE YOU
OUT OF YOUR MIND?

I MEAN, LOCKING YOURSELF
IN YOUR ROOM IS ONE THING,

BUT YOU COULD'VE
BEEN KILLED UP HERE.

I KNOW. IT WAS
A DUMB THING TO DO.

I DON'T KNOW
WHAT GOT INTO ME.

THIS WHOLE PROTEST OF YOURS
HAS GOTTEN WAY OUT OF HAND.

YOU'RE GONNA BE IN A LOT OF
TROUBLE WHEN THIS IS OVER.

BUT SOMEBODY
HAD TO DO SOMETHING

TO LOOK OUT FOR US KIDS.
I MEAN, NORMALLY, SIR,

I'D ASSUME LOOKING OUT FOR KIDS
WAS PART OF YOUR JOB.

ER...UH...WELL--

THAT'S OK.
I UNDERSTAND.

A GROWNUP'S GOTTA WORRY
ABOUT MAKIN' A LIVING.

YOU'VE GOTTA BUY CARS
AND PANTS AND HOUSES.

BUT I'M JUST A KID.
I CAN'T STAND AROUND

AND LET BAD STUFF HAPPEN
TO PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT.

'CAUSE THE ONLY THING
I'VE GOT TO LOSE

IS MY SELF-RESPECT.

White: PRICKLY, GOOD WORK!
YOU'VE CAPTURED HIM.

BRING HIM DOWN HERE TO ME.

LEE AND I WILL SEE
THAT YOU GET A PROMOTION.

NO, SIR.

I CANNOT, IN GOOD
CONSCIENCE, DO THAT.

THIS IS NO TIME
FOR GAMES, PRICKLY.

BRING THE BOY DOWN NOW,

OR IT WILL COST YOU
YOUR JOB.

IF KEEPING MY JOB
MEANS GOING ALONG

WITH YOUR
LOUSY POLICIES,

THEN I DON'T
WANT IT ANYMORE.

I THINK I'D RATHER KEEP
MY SELF-RESPECT, TOO.

[KIDS MURMURING]

HE'S STANDING UP TO PEOPLE
HE DISAGREES WITH,

RISKING HIS JOB?

THAT'S THE MOST INSPIRING THING
I'VE EVER SEEN.

I-I'M WITH HIM!

WHAT?

WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?

THE TRUTH IS,
I HATE THE NEW POLICY.

I JUST WENT ALONG WITH IT
BECAUSE YOU ALL LIKE IT.

I DIDN'T WANT TO DISAGREE
AND GET FIRED.

BUT I THOUGHT
THE PLAN WAS STUPID.

I MEAN, PAVING OVER
THE PLAYGROUND? COME ON!

I WAS JUST AFRAID
TO MAKE WAVES.

WHEW! I AM SO RELIEVED

YOU GUYS FEEL
THE SAME WAY I DO.

[ALL AGREEING]

JUST A MOMENT,
PEOPLE.

YOU NEVER LIKED
THE NEW POLICY.

I NEVER LIKED
THE NEW POLICY.

SOME SO-CALLED EXPERTS
RECOMMENDED IT,

AND WE WERE ALL TOO SCARED
TO VOICE OUR OPPOSITION?

SHAME ON US!

I HEREBY MOVE
THAT THE NEW SCHOOL POLICY

IS NO LONGER IN EFFECT.

ALL IN FAVOR?
All: AYE.

THE AYES HAVE IT.

SCHOOL IS BACK
TO NORMAL!

[ALL CHEER]

BUT--BUT YOU CAN'T
DO THAT!

THAT WOULD MEAN
THAT--THAT CHILD

HAS BEATEN ME AGAIN!

YES, IT'S AMAZING,
ISN'T IT, TAD?

WE GET SO CAUGHT UP
IN OUR GROWN-UP WORLD,

THAT WE FORGET--

THE LITTLE GUY REALLY
CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

POOL PARTY AT MY PLACE?

WHOO!
YEAH!

ALL RIGHT!
WHOO-HOO!

WELL DONE, TJ.

SIR, I COULDN'T HAVE
DONE IT WITHOUT YOU.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

WELL, GUYS, THINGS ARE
PRETTY MUCH BACK TO NORMAL.

WE'VE GOT OUR GRASS BACK,
WE'VE GOT OUR HOOPS BACK.

THEY'RE ALMOST FINISHED
PUTTING BACK OLD RUSTY!

OK, KIDS.

[KIDS CHEER]

THANKS, TEEJ.
YOU REALLY SAVED US.

YOU'VE BROUGHT
THE JOY OF LEARNING

BACK INTO OUR LIVES.

[SNIFFS] AHH.
AND FISH STICKS, TOO!

WE GOT EVERYTHING
YOU ASKED FOR.

Finster: ALL RIGHT, YOU SNEAKY
LITTLE NE'ER-DO-WELLS.

CLASS STARTS IN 5 MINUTES!

SO, IN 4 MINUTES,
I EXPECT YOU TO STOP PLAYING

AND START PREPARING
TO STOP HAVING FUN!

WELL, ALMOST
EVERYTHING.

DON'T WORRY
ABOUT IT, VINCE.

LIKE I SAY, I THINK
I CAN BREAK HER DOWN.

[SNIFFS]

A SARDINE AND ONION
SANDWICH.

NICE TRY, DETWEILER,

BUT YOU'RE NOT
GONNA BREAK ME DOWN!

[CHOMP]

NOW, TAKE OUT
YOUR PENCILS!

IT'S TIME
FOR ANOTHER TEST.

HEH HEH.

TJ: ALL RIGHT,
SO MAYBE MISS FINSTER

IS ONE THING
YOU JUST CAN'T CHANGE.

[BELL RINGS]
BUT AROUND SCHOOL,

STUFF WAS STILL CHANGING
ALL OVER.

FOR INSTANCE,
LAST YEAR'S KINDERGARTNERS

MOVED UP INTO FIRST GRADE,

AND HAD TO START ACTING
LIKE NORMAL KIDS.

WHOA!

GIMME BALL!
GIMME BALL!

MY BALL! MY BALL!

AAH!
AAH!

HECTOR, TUBBY,
REMEMBER--

NOW THAT YOU'RE
BIG FIRST GRADERS,

YOU'RE TO TALK AND ACT
LIKE NORMAL CHILDREN.

OH! [SCOFFS]

EXCUSE ME.

MAY I HAVE
MY BALL BACK?

PRETTY PLEASE?

HERE YOU GO.
AAH!

GIMME BALL!
GIMME BALL!

MY BALL!
MY BALL!

GIVE IT TIME.

THE YEAR
HAS JUST BEGUN.

TJ: ANOTHER THING--

SINCE KING BOB MOVED ON
TO MIDDLE SCHOOL LAST YEAR,

WE GOT A NEW KING--KING FREDDY.
FREDDY'S OK,

BUT I THINK HE'S STILL
GETTING USED TO THE JOB.

YOUR HIGHNESS,
THIS BOY HERE WAS CAUGHT

CALLING ANOTHER BOY
"GOOBERHEAD."

[GASPS] GOOBERHEAD, YOU SAY?

I HEREBY DECREE
THAT HE BE DRAGGED

ACROSS THE PLAYGROUND
BY A TEAM OF THIRD GRADERS,

SOAKED WITH FRUIT JUICE,
ROLLED IN A SANDBOX,

THEN TIED TO THE BACKSTOP
UNTIL HE MENDS HIS WAYS,

OR UNTIL
THE ROLY-POLIES GET HIM,

WHICHEVER COMES FIRST.

HUH?
UM, SIR?

DON'T YOU THINK
THAT'S A BIT HARSH?

[SIGHS]
OH, VERY WELL.

5 MINUTES TIME-OUT
FOR BEING NAUGHTY.

WHEW.

[HUMMING]

TJ: BUT THEN,
THE BIGGEST CHANGE OF ALL,

SOMETHING THAT CAME
AS A COMPLETE SURPRISE.

GREETINGS,
FELLOW FIFTH GRADERS.

WHAT DO YOU WANT,
MENLOW?

WE'RE KIND OF BUSY
HANGIN' OUT.

AND A FINE JOB
YOU'RE DOING.

HOWEVER, AS KING FREDDY'S
NEW MESSENGER BOY,

IT IS MY OFFICIAL DUTY
TO TELL YOU

THAT THE KING
DESIRES YOUR PRESENCE.

WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!

OH, HE DOESN'T WANT
TO PUNISH YOU.

HE HAS AN IMPORTANT
ANNOUNCEMENT,

SOMETHING I BELIEVE
YOU'LL ENJOY.

HURRY, NOW. HIS HIGHNESS
DOESN'T LIKE TO BE KEPT WAITING.

AN AUDIENCE
WITH THE NEW KING?

WHATEVER FOR,
I WONDER?

SOMETHING GOOD?

PERHAPS WE'RE TO BE
HIS MERRY BAND

OF COURT MUSICIANS!

SOMETHING BETTER
THAN THAT.

BUT SCHOOL
JUST STARTED.

WE DON'T DESERVE
ANYTHING GOOD YET.

TJ DOES.
I DO?

WELL, YEAH.
YOU SAVED THE SCHOOL

FROM ALL THOSE CRUMMY RULES.
IF I WAS KING,

I'D GIVE YOU THE BIGGEST
REWARD I COULD THINK OF.

HECK, I'D EVEN
MAKE YOU A KNIGHT.

A KNIGHT? REALLY?
YOU THINK HE MIGHT?

IT DOES SEEM LOGICAL.

WHAT A MAGNIFICENT
GESTURE.

HEY, CONGRATULATIONS,
TEEJ.

WELL, THANKS, VINCE.

WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR?
LET'S GO!

PTOO! BLECCH! GUARD,
WHAT IS THIS WINGER DINGER

DOING IN MY MOUTH?

UH, SIR? YOU REQUESTED
A WINGER DINGER.

I SPECIFICALLY REQUESTED
A MUNCHERRIFIC NUT-NUT BAR!

S-SORRY, YOUR--

OH, NO. IT IS I WHO
IS SORRY, GUARD...

FOR YOUR SAKE.

HMM. THIS CALLS FOR
SEVERE PUNISHMENT.

TJ: YOUR HIGHNESS,
WE HAVE ARRIVED.

HUH? WHO'S THERE?

IT'S ME, SIR--
TJ AND MY FRIENDS.

AND MIGHT I SAY IT IS
WITH GREAT HUMBLENESS

THAT I ACCEPT THE HONOR
YOU'RE ABOUT TO GIVE ME.

WHO IS THIS BOY,

AND WHAT IS
HE BABBLING ABOUT?

TJ DETWEILER,
YOUR FREDDYNESS.

HE'S THE BOY WHO
SAVED THE SCHOOL

FROM THE BOARD
OF EDUCATION.

OH, THAT OLD THING.
YES, YES, NIFTY.

NO SUBJECT, KIDS.
I'VE ORDERED YOU HERE

ABOUT AN ISSUE
OF ACTUAL IMPORTANCE.

WELL, DON'T JUST STAND THERE.
STEP BACK.

YOUR KING APPROACHES.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[ALL GRUNT]

AS KING OF THIS PLAYGROUND,

I HEREBY FORMALLY EXTEND
TO YOU THIS INVITATION

TO JOIN THE SECRET FIFTH
AND SIXTH GRADERS CLUB.

FIFTH AND SIXTH GRADERS
CLUB? WHAT'S THAT?

YEAH, I NEVER
HEARD OF IT.

[ALL LAUGH]

[LAUGHTER STOPS]

OF COURSE
YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF IT.

UNTIL THIS YEAR,
YOU'VE BEEN FOURTH GRADERS.

THE SECRETS OF THE TOP SECRET
FIFTH AND SIXTH GRADERS CLUB

HAVE BEEN KEPT SECRET
FROM YOU.

BUT WHAT'S
THE CLUB FOR?

YEAH, WHAT'S IN IT
FOR US?

AH, THIS YOU MAY NOT KNOW

WITHOUT FIRST
TAKING THE OATH.

GUARD, THE OATH!

[CLEARS THROAT]

I, FIFTH OR SIXTH GRADER,

DO HEREBY SOLEMNLY SWEAR
NEVER TO DIVULGE THE SECRETS

OF THE SECRET FIFTH
AND SIXTH GRADER CLUB

TO ANYONE LITTLER THAN
A FIFTH OR SIXTH GRADER...

[ALL AGREE]

BECAUSE IF I DO,
THEN THE KING WILL THINK

OF A REALLY BAD
PUNISHMENT FOR ME.

EXCELLENT.
GLAD YOU BIG KIDS AGREE.

NOW FOLLOW ME.

NOTHING PERSONAL,
KING FREDDY,

BUT THIS
DOESN'T SEEM

LIKE MUCH
OF A CLUBHOUSE.

STOP THINKING LIKE
A FOURTH GRADER, DETWEILER.

THIS ISN'T THE CLUBHOUSE.

GUARDS, ANY K-THROUGH-4s
WATCHING?

WE'RE CLEAR, SIR.

VERY WELL.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[HISSES]

All: WHOA!

YES, YES,
THAT'S WHAT THEY ALL SAY.

YOU MAY ENTER AFTER ME.

A SECRET
PASSAGEWAY?

THIS IS
MY KIND OF CLUB!

[ALL AGREE]

WHOA-OH-OH!

UHH! HUH?

QUICKLY, GUS,
ON YOUR FEET.

YEAH, SO YOU CAN
CHECK IT OUT.

WELCOME TO THE FIFTH
AND SIXTH GRADERS CLUB.

[LAUGHING AND CHATTERING]

WELL, THEY'VE
DONE IT.

HELLO, NEWCOMERS.

HEYA, BUDS.

BOTTOMS UP.

HI, GUYS.
HEY.

All: LIKE,
PULL UP A CUSHION.

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.

NOBODY TOLD ME THE ASHLEYS
WERE GONNA BE IN HERE.

OH, YEAH? BUT
NO ONE TOLD YOU

WE'D BE IN HERE,
NEITHER.

[LAUGHTER]

OH, MAN, YOU LET
LAWSON IN HERE?

WHAT KIND OF CLUB
IS THIS?

HEY, HEY, VINCE,
IT'S OK. IT'S COOL.

WE'RE ALL FIFTH AND
SIXTH GRADERS HERE.

SO?
SO...

IN THE FIFTH
AND SIXTH GRADERS CLUB,

FIFTH AND SIXTH GRADERS
ALL GET ALONG.

THERE AIN'T NO "US GUYS"
AND "THEM GUYS" NO MORE.

HERE, WE'RE ALL
"US GUYS",

EXCEPT THE GIRLS.
THEY'RE "US GIRLS."

WHAT ABOUT RANDALL?

AH, HE'S A SNITCH,

AND THEREFORE,
NOT A MEMBER.

ENJOY YOURSELVES!
AND REMEMBER,

KEEP THIS A SECRET
FROM THE LITTLE KIDS,

OR ELSE...

WELL, VINCE,
WHAT DO YOU SAY?

JOIN ME AND THE GUYS
IN A GAME OF CRAZY EIGHTS?

WELL...WHAT DO
YOU THINK, TEEJ?

YOU WANNA PLAY?

WHAT ARE YOU
PLAYIN' FOR?

CHEESY PRETZELS.

THERE'S A WHOLE BIG BOWL
OF THEM IN THE KITCHEN.

COUNT ME IN!
YOU GOT IT!

SO, LET ME GET
THIS STRAIGHT--

I CAN COME HANG OUT
NEAR YOU GUYS,

AND YOU WON'T ANNOY ME
OR ACT LIKE SNOBS?

OF COURSE NOT, SILLY.

SEEING AS HOW WE ARE ALL
FIFTH AND SIXTH GRADERS.

HEY, THEY'RE
PUTTING UP WITH ME.

SOMETHING I WOULD NEVER
HAVE DONE IN FOURTH GRADE.

YEAH, WELL,
ONLY I DON'T READ

THOSE DUMB
TEENYBOPPER MAGAZINES,

SO THERE'S NOTH--
HOLY PALOOKA!

IT'S SLAMDOWN SALLY,

QUEEN OF THE WRESTLIN'
TRUCKER CHICKS!

ONLY THE BEST
FOR US BIG KIDS.

MOVE OVER, LADIES.
I'M COMIN' IN!

YEE-HAW!

[LAUGHTER]

Mikey: HEY!

DON'T DO THAT.

DO THIS!

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

[ALL BELCH]

[ALL SIGH]

MAN, OH, MAN.

THAT WAS
SOME FUN.

I TELL YA, WHEN
I SAW THE LOOK--

LITTLE KIDS!

[WHISTLING]

[KIDS LAUGHING]

GOOD EYE,
GRETCH.

YEAH, CLOSE ONE.

WOULDN'T WANT
THE LITTLE KIDS

SPOILING OUR FUN.

OH, I WOULD BE WORRIED
ABOUT SPOILING

MUCH MORE THAN THAT.

WHAT ARE YOU
TALKIN' ABOUT?

DON'T YOU SEE? THE FIFTH
AND SIXTH GRADER CLUB

ISN'T JUST A PLACE
TO HAVE FUN.

IT'S A UTOPIAN EXPERIMENT
IN NICENESS AND EQUALITY.

YEAH. FOR THE FIRST TIME
IN MY LIFE,

BIG KIDS HUNG OUT WITH ME.
AND THEY DIDN'T BEAT ME UP!

GELMAN EVEN HUGGED ME.

THE CLUB IS
ONE BIG HUG, GUS.

A RAINBOW HUG
OF TOGETHERNESS.

UH, SURE, MIKEY.

AND AS LONG AS THERE ARE SALTY
SNACK FOODS, I'M IN THERE.

LET'S GO BACK
TOMORROW.

Vince: DON'T GOTTA
ASK ME TWICE.

AHH, THE BIG KID
LIFE, MIKEY.

IT'S THE WAY
LIFE WAS MEANT TO BE.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

[NO AUDIO]

[ALL LAUGH]

[KIDS SHOUTING]

Gus: WELL, MY FIFTH
GRADE FRIENDS,

YET ANOTHER RECESS.

SHALL WE HEAD OFF
TO THE CLUBHOUSE?

BUT OF COURSE.

I GUESS THAT'S OK
WITH ME.

ALTHOUGH, GUS,
NOTHIN' PERSONAL,

BUT YOU MIGHT WANT
TO LAY OFF THE SNACK FOODS.

YEAH, WE'VE ONLY BEEN
GOING THERE FOR A WEEK,

AND YOU'VE REALLY
PACKED ON THE POUNDS.

WHAT, THIS? I GUESS
THAT'S CLUB LIFE FOR YA.

ASHLEY Q. SAYS IT MAKES ME
LOOK VERY DISTINGUISHED.

YES, VINCE, AND I'VE
NEVER HEARD LAWSON

CRITICIZE
GUS'S APPEARANCE.

HEY, I'M NOT CRITICIZING.
JUST NOTICING IS ALL.

WELL, I AM CRITICIZING.

HOW COME EVERY TIME
WE GO DOWN THERE,

YOU END UP HANGIN' OUT
WITH THOSE GOONS?

PLEASE, SPINELLI,
THEY'RE OUR FRIENDS.

HEY, GUYS, YOU WANNA PLAY
KICKBALL WITH US?

YOU KNOW, A GOOD OLD
GAME OF KICKBALL

ACTUALLY DOES
SOUND GOOD.

BUT VINCE,
THEY'RE FOURTH GRADERS.

SO? WHAT DO
YOU SAY, GUYS?

YEAH. I THINK A LITTLE
FRESH AIR MIGHT DO ME GOOD.

COOL!
COUNT ME IN!

THEN YOU'RE ON.

MEET YOU
ON THE FIELD.

YOU GOT IT.

ALL RIGHT!

YOU GUYS COMIN'?

YOU CAN'T
BE SERIOUS.

YEAH, WHY WOULD WE
HANG OUT

ON THE PLAYGROUND
WITH LITTLE KIDS

WHEN WE COULD BE TREATED
SO GREAT BY BIG KIDS?

TO THE CLUB,
GUS?

NATURALLY, MIKEY.
TO THE CLUB.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[LAUGHTER]

THIS IS THE VERY
FUNNIEST JOKE

I'VE EVER HEARD.

HEY, CHUMS,
I HAVE ANOTHER ONE.

WHY DID THE FOURTH GRADER
CROSS THE ROAD?

BEATS ME, GUS. WHY?

BECAUSE HE STARTED
SUCKING HIS THUMB

AND LOST CONTROL
OF HIS TRICYCLE!

[ALL LAUGH]

THERE THEY ARE
AGAIN,

HANGIN' WITH
THEIR NEW BUDDIES

AND LAUGHIN' IT UP.

IT'S BAD ENOUGH THEY
HANG OUT WITH THOSE GUYS

IN THE CLUBHOUSE,

BUT NOW THEY'RE EATIN'
LUNCH WITH 'EM, TOO?

I GUESS THERE'S NOTHING
WRONG WITH THAT, IS THERE?

I JUST FIGURED
BY NOW

THEY'D GET KINDA
SICK OF 'EM.

[LAUGHTER]

YES, WELL,
I HATE TO SAY THIS,

BUT I'M STARTING
TO GET A LITTLE SICK

OF GUS AND MIKEY.

THEY ARE GETTING
A LITTLE ANNOYING.

BUT IT'S NOTHING
A LITTLE TIME

WITH YOUR OLD BUDDIES
WON'T FIX.

COME ON, VINCE.
LET'S GO TALK TO 'EM.

AND SO THE FIRST GRADER SAYS
TO THE OTHER FIRST GRADER,

"DUH, WHAT DO I KNOW?

I'M JUST A DUMB
FIRST GRADER." GET IT?

[ALL LAUGH]

HEY, GUYS.

HELLO,
TJ AND VINCE.

PULL UP 2 CHAIRS,
FIFTH GRADERS.

OH, THANKS,
BUT NO THANKS.

WE JUST WANTED TO
SEE IF MIKEY AND GUS

WOULD LIKE TO COME
EAT WITH US.

THANKS, TJ,
BUT WE'RE HAVING

A PRETTY GOOD TIME
OVER HERE.

YEAH, I CAN HEAR
YOU LAUGHING.

YOU GUYS ARE
ALWAYS LAUGHING.

WHAT'S SO FUNNY ANYWAY?

WHY, EVERYONE

BUT US FIFTH
AND SIXTH GRADERS!

LITTLE KIDS
ARE PINT-SIZED,

AND THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW
THEIR KNOWLEDGE YET.

THEY'RE PATHETICALLY
AMUSING.

BUT I THOUGHT YOU GUYS
LIKED LITTLE KIDS.

OH, VINCE,

IT'S ONLY A BIT
OF HARMLESS FUN.

YEAH, WHAT THEY DON'T KNOW
WON'T HURT 'EM.

AND BELIEVE ME,
THOSE GUYS ARE SO DUMB,

THEY DON'T KNOW NOTHIN'!

[ALL LAUGHING]

FELLOWS, I THINK
I'M DONE WITH MY LUNCH.

LET'S HEAD OUT FOR SOME
AFTER-LUNCH EATING AT THE CLUB.

[ALL AGREE]

[SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING]

[KIDS CHATTERING]

DON'T BE
STRANGERS, TJ.

YOU'RE ALWAYS WELCOME
AT THE CLUB.

THEY'VE GONE OVER
TO THE BAD SIDE, TEEJ.

WE'VE LOST THEM
FOR GOOD.

YOU MIGHT BE RIGHT,
VINCE.

BUT ON THE OTHER HAND,
MAYBE THEY'RE RIGHT.

AT LEAST ONE LAST TIME,

MAYBE WE SHOULD DROP IN
AT THE CLUB.

Menlow: AH, GOOD MORNING,
FIVE AND SIXERS.

HERE BRIGHT AND EARLY

FOR YOUR REGULAR VISIT
TO THE STEAM ROOM?

SORRY TO DRAG YOU OUT HERE
BEFORE SCHOOL, MENLOW.

SUCH IS ONE'S FATE

WHEN ONE IS THE KING'S
MESSENGER BOY

AND LOCKSMITH LAD.

FOLLOW ME.
I'LL OPEN UP THE CLUBHOUSE.

ASSUMING THERE ARE
NO LITTLE CHILDREN WATCHING,

I'LL SIMPLY--HELLO!

THE ENTRANCE--
IT'S ALREADY OPEN!

BUT THAT CAN'T BE!

[FOOTSTEPS]

THE ONLY PEOPLE
WHO KNOW THE COMBINATION

ARE THE KING AND ME!

SOMEONE BROKE IN?

I MUST ALERT
KING FREDDY.

WHAT DO WE DO?

WHO DO YOU THINK
IS IN THERE?

IT'S A DEADLY
KILLER THIEF!

CARRILLO, GO IN
AND FIND OUT.

OK.

Carrillo: AW, SHOOT.
IT'S JUST SOME FIFTH GRADERS.

DETWEILER? WHAT ARE YOU
GUYS DOING DOWN HERE?

WE JUST THOUGHT WE'D DROP BY
FOR AN EARLY MORNING VISIT.

WHAT A WONDERFUL
COINCIDENCE. SO DID WE.

YEAH, ONLY WE SHOULD
PROBABLY LET YOU KNOW--

WE INVITED A FEW SPECIAL
GUESTS ALONG, TOO,

AND THEY AREN'T FIFTH
OR SIXTH GRADERS.

HI, BIG KIDS.

NICE PLACE
YOU GOT HERE.

[ALL GASP]

ARE YOU OUT OF
YOUR BRAIN?!

THOSE 2 GUYS
ARE FIRST GRADERS!

YOU CAN'T BRING THEM
IN HERE!

HOW COME NOT?

YOU'RE A LITTLE KID!

THAT'S RIGHT,
HECTOR AND TUBBY.

AND THIS CLUBHOUSE
IS FOR BIG KIDS.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

YEAH, GUYS, I'M SORRY,
BUT YOU GOTTA

EXPLAIN THINGS BETTER TO
HECTOR AND TUBBY HERE.

THEY ARE JUST FIRST
GRADERS, AFTER ALL.

SO, WHY IS IT AGAIN
THEY CAN'T COME IN HERE?

MIKEY? GUS?

WELL...BECAUSE--

BECAUSE THEY--

'CAUSE FIRST GRADERS ARE
A BUNCH OF BABIES, THAT'S WHY!

THEY RUIN EVERYTHING.

THEY'RE STUPID.

THEY GOT NO MANNERS.

THEY SMELL
LIKE CAT FOOD.

HEY! NOW WAIT
JUST A MINUTE!

WAIT A MINUTE NOTHING!

ALL MY LIFE,
I WORKED TO BE A BIG KID,

AND I AIN'T LETTIN'
SOME LITTLE BABIES RUIN IT!

BUT YOU CAN'T JUST SAY
SUCH TERRIBLE THINGS

RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM.

WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?
YOU'VE BEEN SAYIN' STUFF

BEHIND THEIR BACKS
ALL ALONG.

NOW, COME ON.
ARE YOU BIG KIDS OR NOT?

I AM A BIG KID,

BUT I HAVE A FEELING
I'VE BEEN A VERY BAD ONE.

GOSH, MIKEY,
WE'VE BEEN JERKS.

UHH! WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
I DEMAND TO KNOW.

DETWEILER AND THOSE GUYS LET
THESE 2 FIRST GRADER GUYS

INTO THE FIFTH
AND SIXTH GRADE CLUBHOUSE!

FIRST GRADERS? THIS IS
A BETRAYAL OF EVERYTHING

THE FIFTH AND SIXTH GRADER
CLUB STANDS FOR!

I HAVE NO CHOICE
BUT TO THINK UP

THE MOST SEVERE
PUNISHMENT IMAGINABLE.

THEN, SIR, YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE TO PUNISH ME, TOO.

AND ME, BECAUSE
WE TRULY DESERVE IT.

HECTOR, TUBBY,

WE'RE VERY,
VERY SORRY.

VERY WELL, THEN.
I SHALL PUNISH YOU ALL.

NO, FREDDY.
NO, YOU SHALL NOT.

KING BOB!

WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' HERE?

I THOUGHT YOU WERE
IN SEVENTH GRADE NOW.

I AM, BUT DETWEILER
CONTACTED ME LAST NIGHT

AND ASKED FOR MY HELP.
AS A FORMER KING,

I WAS ABLE TO LET MY FRIENDS
HERE IN AHEAD OF YOU.

BUT WHY WOULD YOU
DO SUCH A THING?

SURELY
YOU REALIZE THAT--

I REALIZE I'VE HEARD

SOME VERY DISTURBING
THINGS, FREDDY.

THIS CLUBHOUSE,
THIS PLACE OF LEISURE,

IT HAS BECOME A HOTBED
OF INTOLERANCE

TOWARD LITTLE KIDS.

SO, WHAT'S WRONG
WITH THAT?

WHAT DO I CARE
WHAT YOU SAY?

YOU DON'T EVEN
GO HERE NO MORE.

NO, I DON'T.
BUT NEXT YEAR,

WHEN YOU MOVE ON TO
THE SEVENTH GRADE,

I'LL BE
AN EIGHTH GRADER,

WAITING FOR YOU.

AND THEN YOU'LL SEE
WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT.

OH.

HECTOR, TUBBY,

PLEASE
FORGIVE ME.

YEAH, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT GOT INTO US.

WELL, GUS, THIS PLACE
IS PRETTY COOL.

IT'S EASY TO SEE WHY YOU
HUNG AROUND HERE SO MUCH.

BUT I GUESS IF ALL YOU DO
IS HANG AROUND

WITH PEOPLE
WHO ARE JUST LIKE YOU,

YOU START FORGETTING
HOW OTHER PEOPLE FEEL.

AND SOMETIMES
YOU EVEN START THINKING

YOU'RE BETTER THAN THEM.

WELL SPOKEN, DETWEILER.

I SEE YOUR SPEECH-MAKING
ABILITIES HAVE NOT DECLINED

IN MY ABSENCE.

AS FOR YOU, FREDDY,
YOUR JOB IS TO SEE

THAT ALL KIDS
ARE TREATED FAIRLY,

EVEN THE LITTLE ONES.
REMEMBER,

THERE WILL ALWAYS BE KIDS
WHO ARE BIGGER THAN YOU,

WHO CONSIDER YOU
A LITTLE KID, TOO.

NEVERTHELESS, DETWEILER
AND HIS FRIENDS

HAVE BROKEN THE RULES,
AND THEREFORE,

THEY ARE TO BE COVERED
IN LARD,

DRAGGED ACROSS
THE MONKEY BARS,

AND COOKED
BY THE CAFETERIA LADIES.

UH, DON'T YOU THINK
THAT'S A BIT HARSH?

UHH. OH, VERY WELL.

THEY ARE HEREBY
KICKED OUT

OF THE FIFTH AND
SIXTH GRADERS CLUB.

THAT'S OK WITH ME.

Both:
US, TOO.

Lawson: WELL, HA HA HA.

HEY, DUMBWEILER.

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, DETWIENER,
I'M TALKIN' TO YOU,

AND ALL YOUR FRIENDS, TOO,
YOU BIG BUNCH OF LOSERS!

NOW THAT YOU'RE KICKED OUT
OF THE CLUB,

WHAT DO YOU SAY
WE PLAY YOU AT KICKBALL

AND PROVE WHAT A BUNCH
OF LOSERS YOU REALLY ARE?

WHAT DO I SAY?
I SAY YOU'RE ON!

All: YEAH!

AND I ALSO SAY,
IT'S GREAT TO SEE

THAT THINGS
ARE BACK TO NORMAL.

TJ: AND THINGS REALLY DID
SEEM BACK TO NORMAL.

WEEK AFTER NORMAL WEEK
WENT BY.

SEPTEMBER
TURNED INTO OCTOBER.

GUS GOT SOME EXERCISE
AND LOST ALL THAT WEIGHT.

Gus: AAAAAAAH!

TJ: BUT THE NEW SCHOOL YEAR
HAD ONE MORE SURPRISE

IN STORE FOR US,

ALL OF WHICH BRINGS ME BACK
TO WHERE I BEGAN MY TALE--

HALLOWEEN.

BELIEVE IT OR NOT,

THIS YEAR,
HALLOWEEN CAME CLOSE

TO BEING
THE WORST NIGHT EVER.

[SCARY MUSIC PLAYING]

Gus: AAH! IT'S HIDEOUS!

IT'S TERRIFYING!

AND IT'S JUST THE COSTUME
I'M LOOKING FOR.

GUS GRISWALD IS...
GARNOFF THE BULBOUS!

WHEN'S SCHOOL
IS OUT TODAY,

I'M HEADIN' RIGHT IN THERE
AND BUYIN' IT.

GOOD CHOICE, GUS.

YEAH, GARNOFF
IS WICKED.

WONDERFULLY WICKED.
UNFORTUNATELY,

THAT GIRL IN THERE
SEEMS TO THINK SO, TOO.

HUH?

NO!

MR. KELSO,
YOU CAN'T SELL THAT!

[MUFFLED] IT'S THE LAST ONE
IN THE STORE!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN
TO YOU, TOO, GUS.

AW, NOW WHAT
AM I GONNA DO?

DON'T SWEAT IT,
GUS.

YOU'VE GOT
A WHOLE 12 HOURS

TILL THE OFFICIAL START
OF TRICK OR TREATING.

I BET YOU'VE ALREADY
GOT A GREAT COSTUME.

YEAH, WHAT ARE YOU
GOIN' AS THIS YEAR?

TJ: WELL, WITH
ALL RESPECTS TO GARNOFF,

WHO DOESN'T REALLY EXIST,

I'M GOING AS THE REAL
SCARIEST THING ON EARTH--

A FLESH-EATING ZOMBIE.

A ZOMBIE? THAT IS
SO OLD SCHOOL.

YOU WANT SCARY?
3 LITTLE WORDS--

GRAVE-ROBBING GHOUL.

OH, PLEASE.
TALK ABOUT OLD SCHOOL.

UM, EXCUSE ME,

BUT WHAT EXACTLY
IS THE DIFFERENCE

BETWEEN
A FLESH-EATING ZOMBIE

AND A GRAVE-ROBBING
GHOUL?

OH, YOU'LL SEE TONIGHT.

THE FLESH-EATING ZOMBIE
WILL BE THE SCARY ONE.

NUH-UH. HE'LL BE THE ONE
GETTIN' HIS PANTS SCARED OFF

BY THE GRAVE-ROBBING
GHOUL.

I'M SURE YOU'LL BOTH
BE VERY SCARY.

BUT NO ONE WILL BE AS
FRIGHTENING AS SPINELLI.

OH, YEAH! SPINELLI ALWAYS
HAS THE BEST COSTUME.

REMEMBER LAST YEAR
WHEN SHE WAS A MUTANT

WITH PUS SHOOTING OUT
OF HER EYES?

A TASTY CONCOCTION
OF SPRAY CHEESE

AND PISTACHIO
PUDDING.

YEAH. I GOTTA ADMIT,
SHE WAS SCARY.

AND SHE SURE
RAKED IN THE CANDY.

NOBODY HAS THE HALLOWEEN
SPIRIT LIKE SPINELLI.

Gus: HEY, WHERE IS
SPINELLI ANYWAY?

TJ: PROBABLY LATE MAKIN'
A BIG OLD BATCH OF FAKE BLOOD.

SHE'LL CATCH UP TO US.

SPINELLI?

OH. HEY, GUYS.

IT'S HALLOWEEN.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN CLASS

BEFORE THE BELL EVEN RINGS?

OH, WELL, YOU KNOW,

EARLY TO BED,
EARLY TO RISE. HEH.

[BELL RINGS]

ALL RIGHT, QUIET DOWN,
YOU MISCREANTS,

AND HAPPY HALLOWEEN.

I KNOW HOW YOU ALL
LOVE THIS DAY,

SO I'VE PREPARED
A SPECIAL TREAT.

[KIDS MURMUR]

YAM CUPCAKES
WITH PRUNE ICING!

THERE'S ONLY ENOUGH FOR
ONE APIECE, SO DON'T BE GREEDY!

UH, MISS FINSTER?

THANKS FOR
THE CUPCAKES AND ALL,

BUT I CAN'T HELP
WONDERING,

HOW COME YOU DRESSED UP
AS A BIG MOSQUITO?

A MOSQUITO?
I'M NOT A MOSQUITO.

I'M A FAIRY PRINCESS!

Randall: WHY, MISS FINSTER,
WHAT A SURPRISE!

LOOK AT ME. I'M DRESSED
AS A FAIRY PRINCE!

I HAD NO IDEA WE'D MATCH,
BUT ISN'T IT GREAT?

SORRY, RANDALL. THIS IS
THE ONE DAY OF THE YEAR

WHEN YOU DON'T GET
POINTS FOR KISSIN' UP.

AW.

ALL RIGHT. PHASE 2
OF OUR CLASSROOM FUN.

I NEED SOMEONE TO LEAD US

SINGIN' SWEET TOOTH IGOR,
THE CANDY-LOVIN' VAMPIRE BAT.

SPINELLI!

YOU'RE A BIG FAN
OF HALLOWEEN TRADITIONS.

START SINGIN'!

UH, THANKS,

BUT NO, THANKS,
MISS FINSTER.

Both: LIKE, PICK US,
MISS FINSTER, PICK US!

WE ARE SUCH TOTALLY
BETTER SINGERS ANYWAY.

ALL RIGHT, ASHLEYS,
FRONT AND CENTER.

AND AFTER THAT,
WE'LL BOB FOR PICKLES.

THEN, A SPELLING TEST.
ENJOY.

[HALLOWEEN MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ IGOR THE SWEET-TOOTHED
VAMPIRE BAT ♪

♪ HAD VERY,
VERY POINTY FANGS ♪

♪ AND IF HE EVER
LANDED ON YOU ♪

♪ YOU MIGHT JUMP AND SHOUT
ALL DAY ♪

♪ BUT DON'T BE SCARED
OF IGOR ♪

♪ 'CAUSE IF YOU WANNA KNOW
THE TRUTH ♪

♪ HE NEVER BITES
US HUMANS ♪

♪ 'CAUSE HE'S GOT
A VERY, VERY SWEET TOOTH ♪

I'VE GOT IT! I'LL
DRESS UP AS ZOOL,

ARMORED OGRE
OF DOOM.

I KNOW
NO OTHER KID'S

GONNA BE DRESSED
AS ZOOL.

EXCUSE ME, PEOPLE.
OUT OF MY WAY, PLEASE.

STEP ASIDE, NOW. YOU DON'T
WANNA MESS WITH ZOOL.

IT'S OK, GUS.

YOU'LL THINK
OF SOMETHING ELSE.

I'M SURE HE WILL,
VINCE.

BUT YOU KNOW
WHAT I'M THINKIN'?

HOW COME WE'RE ALL
STANDIN' IN LINE

FOR OUR HALLOWEEN
MYSTERY LUNCH,

BUT SPINELLI'S
SITTIN' OVER THERE,

EATIN' A BAD LUNCH
FROM HOME?

WELL, THAT'S WEIRD.

THE CAFETERIA'S
MYSTERY LUNCH

IS ONE OF THE HIGH
POINTS OF THE HOLIDAY.

[SNIFFS] MM. MYSTERIOUS.

NOT AS MYSTERIOUS
AS SPINELLI.

COME ON.

HI THERE, SPINELLI.

MIND IF WE SIT
WITH YOU?

AUTUMN IS THE SEASON OF
TOGETHERNESS, AFTER ALL.

UH, SURE.
PULL UP A BENCH.

I GOTTA SAY, SPINELLI,

I'M A LITTLE WORRIED
ABOUT YOU.

IT'S HALLOWEEN,

BUT YOU DIDN'T WALK
WITH US THIS MORNING,

YOU DIDN'T SING IN CLASS,

AND NOW YOU'RE NOT EVEN
EATIN' THE MYSTERY LUNCH.

COULD IT BE
THAT YOU SIMPLY WORE

THE SPINELLI COSTUME
TO SCHOOL,

BUT YOU'RE REALLY
NOT SPINELLI AT ALL?

ALL RIGHT, GELMAN,
ENOUGH ALREADY!

COME OUT OF THERE!

IT'S OK, GUS.
IT'S ME.

I'VE JUST CHANGED,
IS ALL.

WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?

LOOK, I DIDN'T WANT TO
BOTHER YOU GUYS WITH THIS

'CAUSE I KNEW YOU'D BE
ALL INTO HALLOWEEN,

AND I DIDN'T WANT
TO SPOIL IT FOR YOU.

THAT, SPINELLI,
IS IMPOSSIBLE.

SO, CONTINUE.

[SIGHS] WELL, OK.

IT ALL HAPPENED
YESTERDAY

AT THE PUMPKIN
PATCH.

[HARP CHORDS]

Spinelli: IT STARTED OUT
LIKE EVERY OTHER TRIP

I'VE TAKEN TO THE PUMPKIN PATCH
EVERY HALLOWEEN.

I WAS REALLY
LOOKIN' FORWARD TO IT.

Father:
HERE WE ARE, POOKY--

COLONEL JACK'S
PUMPKIN PATCH.

ISN'T IT GREAT, HONEY?
THIS PLACE HASN'T CHANGED

SINCE WE FIRST
BROUGHT YOU HERE AS A BABY.

I'M GONNA GO PICK OUT

THE FREAKIEST-LOOKIN'
PUMPKIN I CAN FIND!

TOO ROUND.

TOO CUTE.

TOO PRETTY.

TOO SMOOTH.

AHA! PERFECT!

YOU ARE GONNA MAKE
THE UGLIEST,

SCARIEST--UHH--

CREEPIEST JACK-O'-LANTERN
ON THE BLOCK.

Lawson:
JACK-O'-LANTERN?

WELL, WELL, WELL.

SPINELLI'S GONNA MAKE

A LITTLE-BITTY
JACK-O'-LANTERN.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW
ABOUT THAT?

[ALL LAUGH]

BEAT IT, LAWSON!

AND SO WHAT IF I'M MAKIN'
A JACK-O'-LANTERN?

YOU GUYS
GOT PUMPKINS, TOO!

OH, WE AIN'T
GONNA CARVE 'EM.

WE'RE GONNA BUST 'EM
OPEN WITH HEAVY STUFF.

I GOT A BRICK
FOR MY BIRTHDAY.

HEY, SPINELLI,

I BET YOU'RE GOIN' OUT
TRICK-OR-TREATIN'.

OF COURSE I AM.

WELL, THAT'S
JUST HILARIOUS.

YOU'RE A FIFTH GRADER!
NEXT THING YOU KNOW,

YOU'LL BE
IN SIXTH GRADE, LIKE US.

AND THEN IN EIGHT GRADE,
AND WHATEVER COMES NEXT.

SO WHAT?
SO....

HALLOWEEN
IS FOR BABIES!

LOOK AROUND!

YOU'RE THE OLDEST
KID OUT HERE,

EXCEPT FOR US.

ME WANT PUMPKIN!
MINE! MINE! MINE!

Lawson: SPINELLI'S
A FIFTH GRADE BABY!

HA HA!
YOU GOTTA STOP

TRICK-OR-TREATIN'
SOMETIME, SPINELLI.

SO WHEN'S
IT GONNA BE?

NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS,
LAWSON. NOW BEAT IT!

OH, WE'LL BEAT IT,
SPINELLI.

YES, WE WILL BEAT IT.
COME ON, GUYS.

[ALL LAUGH]

STUPID GOOMBAHS.

Mother: OH, SWEETIE.

I SEE YOU'VE ALREADY
GOT A PUMPKIN.

HEY,
THAT'S A BEAUTY.

WELL, NOT REALLY.
BUT GOOD JOB.

THANKS.

UH, CAN WE GO NOW?

GO? BUT WE JUST
GOT HERE.

DON'T YOU WANT TO MAKE
A CANDY APPLE WITCH?

YOU ALWAYS MAKE
A CANDY APPLE WITCH.

UH, YOU KNOW,
I KINDA SUDDENLY

JUST DON'T FEEL
LIKE IT,

SO LET'S BUY THE
PUMPKIN AND GO, OK?

WELL, ALL RIGHT.
BUT NOT BEFORE

I GET A PICTURE OF YOU
SITTING ON THE GIANT PUMPKIN.

I'VE GOT A PICTURE
OF YOU EVERY YEAR

SINCE YOU WERE A BABY.

[CRYING]

SMILE, SWEETIE.
[CLICK]

OH, WHAT
A GOOD GIRL.

THAT'LL MAKE
AN ADORABLE PICTURE.

OK, SWEETIE,
YOUR TURN.

THERE YOU GO.

NOW SMILE AND SAY,
"SPOOKY."

[SIGHS] SPOOK...Y?

AAH!

[KIDS CHATTERING]

YAY! WE PLAY IN
MESSY PUMPKIN STUFF!

[ALL LAUGHING]

AW, BABY, I'M SO SORRY.

I GUESS YOU'VE GOTTEN
TOO BIG TO SIT ON THE PUMPKIN.

WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT,
POOKY?

BOY, YOU REALLY
MUST BE GROWING UP.

[HARP CHORDS]

AND SO,
THERE YOU HAVE IT.

FOR THE FIRST TIME
IN HIS LIFE,

LAWSON WAS RIGHT
ABOUT SOMETHING.

I AM TOO BIG
FOR HALLOWEEN.

THAT'S CRAZY TALK,
SPINELLI.

YOU CAN'T GIVE UP
HALLOWEEN

JUST BECAUSE OF
A DEFECTIVE PUMPKIN.

IT'S NOT JUST
THE PUMPKIN. IT'S ME.

SUDDENLY I'M JUST
NOT INTO IT.

YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE SAYIN'.

YOU'LL GET BACK
INTO IT

AS SOON AS YOU
PUT ON YOUR COSTUME.

AND ONCE WE GET
OUR TRICK-OR-TREATING.

All: YEAH.

LOOK, GUYS, I TOLD YOU
I REALLY DIDN'T WANT

TO TALK ABOUT THIS
WITH YOU.

I DON'T HAVE A COSTUME,

SO YOU GO AHEAD AND MAKE
YOUR PLANS WITHOUT ME.

'CAUSE MY TRICK-OR-TREATIN'
DAYS ARE OVER.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Mother: ALL RIGHT,
SWEETIE.

THERE'S A NUMBER
ON THE FRIDGE

WHERE YOU CAN
REACH US TONIGHT.

OH, AND DID I TELL YOU?
THERE'S MORE CANDY

IN THE PANTRY
IF YOU RUN LOW.

ONLY ABOUT
A HUNDRED TIMES.

HEY, ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T
WANNA GO TRICK-OR-TREATIN'?

YEAH, DAD.
FOR THE 200th TIME,

I'M SURE.

WELL, I GUESS THAT'S
EVERYTHING, THEN.

WHOA. NOT EVERYTHING.

PUT THIS ON WHEN
YOU ANSWER THE DOOR.

THE KIDS'LL LOVE IT!

I'M NOT PUTTIN'
THE MASK ON, DAD.

REMEMBER? I'M TOO OLD.

WHATEVER YOU THINK
IS BEST, POOKY,

BUT I'M TELLIN' YA,
IT'S A HOOT.

[SIGHS] WHATEVER.

WE'LL BE BACK
BY 10:00, SWEETIE.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

THANKS.

WHEW. FINALLY,
A LITTLE PEACE AND QUIET.

TV Announcer:
NOW, BACK TO

THE FOUR NUMBSKULLS
MEET THE VAMPIRE'S GHOST.

AHH. NOW, YOU NEVER
GET TOO OLD FOR THIS.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

JEEZ, THE TINY TOTS
ARE ARRIVIN' ALREADY.

OH. HI, GUYS.
NICE COSTUMES.

TOILET PAPER, GUS?
YEP.

WELL, I GUESS YOU CAME
FOR SOME CANDY.

TAKE ALL YOU WANT.

WE DIDN'T COME
FOR CANDY, SPINELLI.

WE CAME FOR YOU.

AW, COME ON!

I TOLD YOU,
I'M NOT TRICK-OR-TREATIN'.

THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID
EARLIER TODAY.

BUT IT'S
THE WITCHIN' HOUR.

SURELY NOW
YOU CAN'T RESIST.

LOOK, SORRY,
BUT I'VE OUTGROWN HALLOWEEN.

ONCE YOU'VE
OUTGROWN SOMETHING,

YOU JUST CAN'T UNOUTGROW IT.

I SAY YOU'RE WRONG. ALL
YOU'RE THINKIN' ABOUT

IS YOUR CRUMMY TIME
AT THE PUMPKIN PATCH.

WHAT YOU SHOULD BE
THINKIN' ABOUT IS

ALL THE GREAT TIMES WE
HAVE ON HALLOWEEN NIGHT,

LIKE AT THE ADELMANS'.

[HARP CHORDS]

[LAUGHS] HERE YOU GO,
CHILDREN!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
AH HA HA HA!

TJ: TONS OF CANDY
JUST SPOONED INTO OUR BAGS.

Vince: AND HEY, WHAT ABOUT
ALL THE THRILLS AND CHILLS?

LIKE THE OLD McPHERSON
PLACE.

I MEAN, HAVING TO WALK
THROUGH A GRAVEYARD--

GET OUT OF HERE!

TJ: AND THAT CREEPY DUDE
WITH THE CANDY.

I DON'T THINK MR. McPHERSON
EVEN KNOWS HE'S THERE.

[MOANS]
[ALL SCREAM]

Gretchen:
WHAT TRULY TERRIFIES ME

IS HAVING TO WALK PAST
THE OLD, ABANDONED PRISON.

YOU JUST KNOW THERE'S
AN UNREFORMED FELON INSIDE,

WATCHING YOU.

[OWL HOOTS]
[ALL SCREAM]

Gus, muffled voice:
BUT NOTHING COMPARES

TO THE OLD GORDON PLACE.

TJ: THAT'S RIGHT, GUS.

NOTHING COMPARES
TO THE OLD GORDON PLACE--

THE PERFECT TERRIFYING END

TO A PERFECTLY
TERRIFYING EVENING.

TO THIS DAY,
I SWEAR TO YOU

THAT THOSE PEOPLE
ARE VAMPIRES.

HELLO, THERE,
CHILDREN.

MAYBE YOU'D LIKE
SOME CANDY.

IT'S THE FINEST
CANDY.

I'M SURE
YOU'LL ENJOY IT.

TJ: YEP. THOSE TRANSYLVANIAN
ACCENTS ARE A DEAD GIVEAWAY.

SORRY, TJ, BUT THOSE AREN'T
TRANSYLVANIAN ACCENTS.

THE GORDONS
ARE FROM MASSACHUSETTS.

I ASKED MY MOM.

PTOO! MASSACHUSETTS?
WHERE'S THAT?

SOMEPLACE SCARY,
NO DOUBTS.

[SIGHS] GUYS, THANKS FOR
SHARING ALL THE MEMORIES.

BUT IF YOU WANT TO HAVE
ANY FUN TONIGHT,

YOU'D BETTER GET GOING.

PLEASE, SPINELLI,
YOU MUST JOIN US.

LISTEN, ALL THAT STUFF
THAT USED TO SEEM

SO GREAT ABOUT HALLOWEEN,

WELL, I LOOK AT IT
DIFFERENTLY NOW.

IT'S LIKE
THE MAGIC'S GONE, OK?

IT'S JUST SOMETHING THAT
HAPPENS WHEN YOU GET OLDER.

SO GO ON.
I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

BUT WE'RE JUST
AS OLD AS SHE IS.

I DON'T SEE THINGS
DIFFERENTLY.

ME, NEITHER...
I DON'T THINK.

FORGET ABOUT IT, GUYS.
COME ON.

Mikey:
YEAH, LET'S GO.

Gus: LET'S GO,
LET'S GO.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

All: TRICK OR TREAT!

OH, HO HO!
WHAT ADORABLE COSTUMES!

HERE, CHILDREN.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
HA HA HA HA!

THANKS,
MRS. ADELMAN.

SEE, I DON'T CARE
WHAT SPINELLI SAYS.

FOR ME, NOTHING
CAN RUIN THE MAGIC

OF THIS MOMENT.

YOU SAID IT,
TEEJ!

EGAD! NOT TO LOOK
A GIFT HORSE IN THE MOUTH,

BUT THIS CANDY
IS SUGARLESS.

WHAT?!
SAY IT AIN'T SO!

WELL, OF COURSE IT IS.

I ALWAYS GIVE OUT
SUGARLESS CANDY.

I AM A DENTIST,
AFTER ALL.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

AND REMEMBER TO BRUSH
AND FLOSS TONIGHT!

OHH, I KNOW YOU WILL!
HA HA HA HA HA!

SUGARLESS CANDY?

WHAT A FIENDISH,
FIENDISH TRICK!

IN THE PAST, I'VE ALWAYS
BEEN TOO WONDERFULLY EXCITED

TO READ THE FINE PRINT
ON MY HALLOWEEN CANDY.

WELL, SO WHAT? COME ON.
THERE'S PLENTY MORE FUN

IN STORE
BESIDES THE ADELMANS'.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

TRICK OR TREAT.
BOO!

HI, DIGGER SAM.
HI, DIGGER DAVE.

HEY, HOW DID YOU KNOW
IT WAS US?

JUST A WILD GUESS?
HERE, HAVE SOME CANDY.

GEE, SPINELLI,
YOU COULD AT LEAST

PRETEND
TO BE SCARED.

YEAH, IT'S HALLOWEEN,
FOR DIRT'S SAKE.

WHERE'S YOUR SPIRIT?

SORRY, GUYS.
I GREW OUT OF IT.

WELL, NOT US.
AND THERE ARE A LOT

OF LITTLE KIDS
COMIN' THIS WAY.

WE'LL TELL 'EM
TO SKIP THIS HOUSE

IF YOU'RE JUST
GONNA BE A GRUMP.

NO, DON'T TELL 'EM THAT.

I'LL TRY AND ACT
MORE INTO IT, OK?

WELL, OK.
WELL, OK.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Both:
TRICK OR TREAT!

OH, MY! WHAT HAVE WE HERE?

SOME VERY SCARY COSTUMES!

BUT WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED
TO BE SCARY.

I'M AN ASTRONAUT.

I'M A BALLERINA.

AND I'M A WHOLESOME
WEDGE OF CHEESE.

OH. SORRY.

I GUESS WHAT I MEANT
TO SAY WAS...

WOOGA-BOOGA-BOOGA!

All: AAAAAH!

I GUESS I'M THE SCARY ONE.

HAVE SOME CANDY!

THANKS, LADY!
THAT WAS GREAT!

[LAUGHS]

All: HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

TJ: AH,
OLD McPHERSON PLACE.

NOW, THIS IS HALLOWEEN
AT ITS CREEPIEST.

I'M TELLIN' YOU GUYS,
WALKIN' THROUGH A GRAVEYARD?

GET OUTTA HERE!

Mikey: AND LOOK,
HERE HE IS--

THE CREEPY FELLOW
WITH THE BOWL OF CANDY.

ALL RIGHT,
HERE WE GO.

BOY, OH, BOY.

NOW, WHAT WOULD SPINELLI
SAY ABOUT THIS?

SHE'S PROBABLY SAY
WE SHOULDN'T RUN AWAY

WHEN THE GUY
MAKES A GRAB FOR US.

LIKE THERE'S NOTHING
TO BE SCARED OF.

OH, RIGHT.

PERHAPS THEN WE SHOULD
RESIST RUNNING,

JUST TO TELL HER

HOW MUCH MORE
TERRIFYING IT IS.

ALL RIGHT, GUYS.
IF YOU'RE UP FOR IT,

I AM.
GET READY TO GRAB.

1, 2, 3!

[MOANS]
[ALL GASP]

[ARM WHIRS]

[CLUNK]

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

OH, GREAT.

YOU BROKE MY MOTORIZED
GHOUL DUMMY.

NOW I'M GONNA HAVE TO
PATCH HIM WITH CHICKEN WIRE.

SORRY,
MR. McPHERSON.

WELL, YOU SHOULD BE.

THE LITTLE KIDS WHO
REALLY BELIEVE IN GHOULS

SURE ARE GONNA BE
DISAPPOINTED NOW.

MAYBE WE SHOULD'VE JUST
RUN AWAY AFTER ALL.

LOOK, THE GRAVEYARD!
WITH THE LIGHT ON,

THOSE DON'T EVEN LOOK
LIKE REAL GRAVESTONES.

THEY'RE JUST MADE
OF PLYWOOD?

IT'S JUST LIKE
SPINELLI SAID.

WHEN YOU LOOK AT
EVERYTHING IN A NEW WAY,

IT REALLY DOES
TAKE OUT THE MAGIC.

YEAH, WELL,
FORGET IT, GUYS.

IT DOESN'T MEAN
ANYTHING,

'CAUSE I KNOW
A PLACE

THAT'S REALLY
GONNA SCARE US.

[BOTH ROARING]

HOW'S THAT?

PRETTY GOOD.

JUST MAKE SURE
WHEN YOU GROWL,

YOU REALLY GROWL
FROM YOUR GUTS, OK?

GOTCHA.

AND ONE OTHER THING--
ALWAYS WEAR FAKE BLOOD,

SO PEOPLE WILL KNOW
YOU'RE CARNIVORES.

Both: THANKS, SPINELLI.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

[KIDS LAUGHING]

AWOOOO!

AAAAH!

[SNARLS]

HA HA HA HA!
HEY, THERE, SPINELLI.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN.

MISS FINSTER?!

YOU SCARED
THE BEJEEBERS OUT OF ME!

THAT'S THE IDEA.

HEY, I THOUGHT YOU WERE
A FAIRY PRINCESS.

ONLY TILL
THE MOON COMES OUT.

SAY,
ARE YOU FOLKS HERE?

NAH, THEY WENT OUT
FOR THE EVENING.

THAT'S TOO BAD.
I WAS GONNA INVITE THEM

TO A SPOOKY SHINDIG
WITH SOME FRIENDS.

HEY, HOW COME
YOU'RE NOT OUT

TRICK-OR-TREATIN'
WITH YOUR FRIENDS?

WELL, I--I THINK
I'M TOO OLD FOR THAT STUFF.

YOU DO? OH, WELL, I'VE
GOT A PARTY TO GO TO.

HERE'S THE NUMBER WHERE
YOUR FOLKS CAN REACH ME

IN CASE THEY GET BACK
EARLY.

OK, MISS FINSTER.
HAVE FUN.

OH, I WILL. I WILL.

AWOOO!

HEY, MISS FINSTER!

WAIT!
WHAT'S THAT?

ACTUALLY,
BEFORE YOU GO,

THERE'S SOMETHING
I WANT TO ASK YOU...

ABOUT HALLOWEEN.

TJ: ALL RIGHT, GUYS.

HALLOWEEN HASN'T BEEN
TOO GREAT SO FAR.

BUT THE OLD
ABANDONED PRISON

IS GUARANTEED
TO MAKE UP FOR IT.

IT CERTAINLY DOES
LOOK FRIGHTENING.

UH-OH. MY NECK
JUST TINKLED.

THAT'S "TINGLED", GUS,
AND MINE DID, TOO.

YEP,
RIGHT ABOUT NOW

IS WHEN WE
USUALLY TAKE OFF

SCREAMING
DOWN THE STREET.

HEY, MY NECK
STOPPED TINKLING.

"TINGLING", GUS,
AND MINE DID, TOO.

I DON'T GET IT.

HOW COME I'M NOT
THAT SCARED?

Lawson: BECAUSE
IT AIN'T SCARY, YOU DOPES.

OH, DON'T TELL ME YOU LITTLE
TRICK-OR-TREATERS

STILL THINK THAT PLACE
IS AN OLD PRISON.

[ALL LAUGH]

WELL, SURE WE DO.
THAT'S WHAT IT IS.

WHAT'S IT TO YOU,
LAWSON?

OH, NOTHING...
EXCEPT YOU'RE WRONG!

CARRILLO!

HUH!

Lawson: YOU SEE?

GOOD THINK YOU DIDN'T
RUN AWAY LIKE USUAL,

OR YOU NEVER WOULD'VE
FOUND OUT THAT THIS IS

JUST THE OLD DEPARTMENT
OF MOTOR VEHICLES.

BUT--THE DMV?

THAT'S JUST AN EXTREMELY
BORING OFFICE BUILDING.

THAT'S RIGHT!

[ALL LAUGH]

COME ON, GUYS.

LET'S GO BUG SOME
OTHER LITTLE KIDS.

All: YEAH,
LET'S GO, COME ON.

THE DEPARTMENT
OF MOTOR VEHICLES?

MAN, IT'S LIKE NOTHING
WE'VE SEEN TONIGHT

HAS BEEN SCARY OR FUN.

ALAS, THE MAGIC
TRULY IS GONE.

I'VE GOT TO ADMIT,
MAYBE SPINELLI'S RIGHT.

MAYBE WE'RE TOO OLD
FOR HALLOWEEN, TOO.

Spinelli: SO, I DON'T
GET IT, MISS FINSTER.

I FIGURED I WAS
TOO OLD FOR HALLOWEEN,

BUT NOW JUST
STAYING AT HOME

WHILE EVERYONE ELSE
IS OUT THERE HAVING FUN,

IT DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT.

I KIND OF WANT TO BE
OUT THERE WITH THEM.

WELL, WHY WOULDN'T YOU?
HALLOWEEN IS GREAT.

WELL, SURE,
WHEN YOU'RE LITTLE.

HECK, I'M IN THE PRIME
OF MY WOMANHOOD

AND JUST LOOK AT ME.

I LOVE HALLOWEEN.

BUT AREN'T YOU EVER
GOING TO GROW OUT OF IT?

AW, WHO KNOWS?
SOME DO, AND SOME DON'T.

IT'S NOT REALLY ABOUT
HOW OLD YOU ARE.

IT'S HOW YOU FEEL INSIDE.

NOW I REALLY DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO THINK.

OH, I GOT A FEELING
YOU DO.

TRUST YOURSELF,
SPINELLI.

AND REMEMBER,
TOUGH GALS LIKE US,

WE NEVER LET OTHER PEOPLE
TELL US HOW TO FEEL.

WELL, GOTTA GO.
LATE FOR MY PARTY.

IF YOUR FOLKS
GET HOME EARLY,

HAVE THEM
GIVE ME A CALL.

AND HAPPY HALLOWEEN,
SPINELLI,

HOWEVER YOU DECIDE
TO SPEND IT.

[SNARLS]

THANKS, MISS FINSTER.

I WILL.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[CLICK]

HOO-HOO HA-HA!

HEY, ASHLEYS, HAVE YOU
SEEN TJ AND THE GUYS?

All:
LIKE, NOT ME.

UPSIDE DOWN GIRL?

HAVEN'T SEEN
A THING.

PSST! HEY, YOU LOOKING
FOR TJ AND THE GUYS?

YEAH, HUSTLER KID.
HAVE YOU SEEN THEM?

YEAH, ABOUT
10 MINUTES AGO.

THEY WERE HEADING HOME.

HOME? ALREADY?

THEY SEEMED KIND OF
DOWN IN THE DUMPS,

SAYING STUFF LIKE
HOW YOU WERE RIGHT,

THEY'RE TOO OLD
FOR HALLOWEEN.

OH, NO.
I RUINED IT FOR THEM.

NOW WHAT AM I
GONNA DO?

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.

HUSTLER KID, LET ME USE
YOUR CELL PHONE.

I GOT SOME CALLS
TO MAKE.

ALL RIGHT, BUT IF YOU'RE
PLANNING SOME SHADY CONSPIRACY,

JUST BE SURE
YOU DON'T IMPLICATE ME.

TJ: OK, SPINELLI,
SO HERE WE ALL ARE

AT THE OLD
GORDON PLACE.

WHY'D YOU CALL US
AND ASK US TO MEET YOU HERE?

I WAS JUST THINKING--

SINCE WE'RE ALL SO
GROWN-UP AND EVERYTHING,

WHY NOT PAY
THE OLD JOINT A VISIT?

BUT WE COME BY HERE
EVERY YEAR, SPINELLI.

NOTHING ELSE HAS LIVED UP
TO OUR EXPECTATIONS.

WHY SHOULD THIS BE
ANY DIFFERENT?

EVERY OTHER YEAR,
THE GORDONS LIVED HERE,

BUT I JUST HAPPEN
TO KNOW

THAT THEY MOVED AWAY,

AND THIS YEAR,
NO ONE LIVES HERE.

SO?
SO...

HOW'S ABOUT
WE PAY A VISIT

TO THE INSIDE?

I-INSIDE OF
THE G-GORDON HOUSE?

YEAH, COME ON.

UNLESS YOU'RE
TOO SCARED.

I'M NOT SCARED.

I'M NOT SCARED.
NO.

YEAH, THAT'S JUST
WHAT I FIGURED.

GUYS, THIS IS DUMB.

IF WE'RE TOO OLD
FOR TRICK OR TREATING,

THEN WE'RE OLD ENOUGH

TO WALK INTO
SOME ABANDONED HOUSE.

LET'S GO.

OK.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[HINGES CREAK]

WHY, TJ IS GROWING UP.

HE'S DEVELOPED ADOLESCENT
POWERS OF MAGIC.

UH, I DIDN'T
DO THAT, GUYS.

THE DOOR OPENED
BY ITSELF.

UNLESS A GHOST
OPENED IT.

A GHOST?

ONLY BIG KIDS
DON'T BELIEVE IN GHOSTS.

OH, YEAH.
OH, YEAH.

I'M SURE THERE'S
A COMPLETELY RATIONAL

EXPLANATION
WE CAN PONDER

FROM THE SAFETY
OF OUR HOMES.

GUYS, IF WE'RE
GOING TO BE BIG,

WE GOT TO GO INSIDE.

THAT'S RIGHT.

WE'RE NOT SCARED,
AND WE'RE GOING INSIDE.

COME ON.

[DOOR SLAMS]
[ALL GASP]

THE DOOR--IT'S LOCKED!

AAH! IT'S THE GHOST!

WE DON'T BELIEVE
IN GHOSTS, REMEMBER?

AW, JEEZ, THIS IS
WAY CREEPIER

THAN I THOUGHT
IT WOULD BE.

I'M SO SORRY
I GOT YOU GUYS INTO THIS.

PERHAPS WE SHOULD CALL
THE AUTHORITIES.

QUICK! CALL THE DMV!

[MOANING]

DID YOU HEAR THAT?

THAT WASN'T YOUR STOMACH
BY ANY CHANCE, WAS IT, MIKEY?

I DON'T THINK SO.

[MOANING]

THAT ONE
DEFINITELY WASN'T.

LOOK. I BELIEVE THE SOUND
WAS COMING FROM IN THERE.

THIS IS
ALL MY FAULT, GUYS,

SO I BETTER
CHECK IT OUT.

ARE YOU NUTS?

IT MIGHT BE
OUR ONLY WAY OUT OF HERE.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

IT'S A CELLAR.
I'M GOING DOWN.

SPINELLI, NO!

[MOANING,
SPINELLI SCREAMS]

All: AAH!

SPINELLI!

[GROWLING]
AAH!

All: AAH!

AAH!

AAH!

AAH!

[HOWLS]

AAH!

HA HA HA!
GOTCHA!

MISS FINSTER?

MAN, I NEVER THOUGHT I'D BE
HAPPY TO SEE YOUR FACE.

YEAH, WELL, YOU SHOULD'VE
SEEN YOUR FACE

JUST A SECOND AGO.

HEY, KIDS.

THOSE WERE SOME REALLY
FAR OUT SCREAMS OF TERROR.

I DON'T GET IT.

WHAT ARE YOU ALL
DOING HERE?

WE RENTED OUT
THE OLD GORDON PLACE

FOR A PARTY.

SPINELLI HAD
MY CELL PHONE NUMBER,

AND SHE CALLED US TO HELP
PULL THIS HALLOWEEN TRICK.

SPINELLI?

THAT'S RIGHT.

I SET YOU UP, GUYS.

WHY WOULD YOU DO SUCH
A CRUEL AND HORRIBLE THING?

'CAUSE IT'S FUN.

YOU KNOW, NOW THAT
I REALIZE I'M SAFE,

THE LAST 10 MINUTES
WERE RATHER THRILLING.

KIND OF LIKE HALLOWEEN
IN THE GOOD OLD DAYS, HUH?

WELL, THESE STILL ARE
THE GOOD OLD DAYS

AS LONG AS
YOU WANT THEM TO BE,

AND DON'T LET
SOME GOOMBAH

CONVINCE YOU OTHERWISE.

THANKS,
SPINELLI.

WELL, KIDS, NOW THAT
YOU'VE HAD YOUR TRICK,

HERE'S YOUR TREAT.

Kids: WHOA!
PARTY HEARTY!

WAIT A MINUTE, GUYS.

IT'S NOT SUGARLESS,
IS IT?

NOPE.
IT'S THE REAL STUFF.

Mikey: MMM.
I LOVE HALLOWEEN.

WELL, SPINELLI,

IT LOOKS LIKE
YOUR LITTLE PLAN WORKED.

I OWE IT ALL TO YOU,
MISS FINSTER.

THANKS TO YOU, EVERYONE'S
HAVING A HAPPY HALLOWEEN.

WELL, IT'S LIKE MY MOTHER
ALWAYS USED TO SAY--

[HOWLING]

FOLLOW ME! RUN!

TJ: SO, IT TURNED OUT
OK AFTER ALL--

FOR US, ANYWAY.

AND YOU KNOW SOMETHING?

IT SEEMS LIKE THINGS
USUALLY DO TURN OUT OK.

SURE, BEING A KID
CAN BE TRICKY.

YOU'RE GROWING
ALL THE TIME,

THINGS
ARE ALWAYS CHANGING.

MY VOICE--WHAT
HAPPENED TO MY VOICE?

BUT NO MATTER HOW MUCH
THINGS REALLY DO CHANGE,

I FIGURE AS LONG AS
WE STICK UP

FOR WHAT WE BELIEVE IN

AND STAY TRUE
TO OURSELVES,

EVERYTHING
WILL BE ALL RIGHT.

[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]

AND WHO KNOWS?

SEEING AS
HOW WE'VE MADE IT

THROUGH SO MUCH ALREADY,

I'VE GOT A FEELING THIS
MIGHT BE OUR BEST YEAR YET.

REALLY, I MEAN IT.

AHH...

[SLAMS DOOR]

[EERIE MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ IGOR THE SWEET-TOOTHED
VAMPIRE BAT ♪

♪ HAD VERY, VERY
POINTY FANGS ♪

♪ AND IF HE EVER
LANDED ON YOU ♪

♪ YOU MIGHT JUMP
AND SHOUT ALL DAY ♪

♪ BUT DON'T BE SCARED
OF IGOR ♪

♪ 'CAUSE IF YOU WANT
TO KNOW THE TRUTH ♪

♪ HE NEVER BITES
US HUMANS ♪

♪ 'CAUSE HE'S GOT
A VERY, VERY SWEET TOOTH ♪

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC ENDS]