All language subtitles for Tenacious.D-The.Pick.Of.Destiny[2006]DvDrip[Eng]-rabgaXXo-EN

TENACIOUS D: THE PICK OF DESTINY (2006)

- Ready, Kage?
- Ready.

Let's do this.

Fatty.

Check. Uggh.

Bean and cheese burrito.

Bean and chee--

Tenacious sound check initiated.

Engage Kage!

Aah!

Ha ha ha ha ha! High-five!

Hnnh!

OK.

Two, three...

# A long-ass fucking time ago
in a town called Kickapoo #

# There lived a humble family,
religious through and through #

# But hey,
there was a black sheep #

# And he knew just what to do #

# His name was Young JB
and he refused to step in line #

# A vision he did see of
fucking rocking all the time #

# He wrote a tasty jam
and all the planets did align #

# Oh, the dragon's balls
were blazing #

# As I stepped into his cave #

# Then I sliced
his fucking cockles #

# With my long and shiny blade #

# 'Twas I who
fucked the dragon #

# Fucka lye, sing, fucka loo #

# And if you try
to fuck with me #

# Then I shall fuck you too #

# Gotta get it on
in the party zone #

# I gots to shoot a load
in the party zone #

# Gotta lick a toad
in the party zone #

# Gotta suck a choad
in the party zone #

Aaaah!

# You disobeyed my orders, son,
Why were you ever born? #

# Your brother's 10 times
better than you #

# Jesus loves him more #

# This music
that you've played for us #

# Comes from
the depths of hell #

# Rock & roll's
the Devil's work #

# He wants you to rebel #

# You'll become
a mindless puppet #

# Beelzebub
will pull the strings #

# Your heart
will lose direction #

# And chaos it will bring #

# You better shut your mouth,
you better watch your tone #

# You're grounded for a week
with no telephone #

# Don't let me hear you cry,
don't let me hear you moan #

# You gotta praise the Lord
when you're in my home #

# Dio, can you hear me?
I am lost and so alone #

# I'm asking for your guidance #

# Won't you come down
from your throne? #

# I need the tight compadre
who will teach me how to rock #

# My father thinks you're evil,
but, man, he can suck a cock #

# Rock is not the Devil's work,
it's magical and rad #

# I'll never rock as long as
I am stuck here with my dad #

# I hear you,
brave young Jables #

# You are hungry for the rock #

# But to learn
the ancient methods #

# Secret doors you must unlock #

# Escape your
father's clutches #

# And this oppressive
neighborhood #

# On a journey you must go
to find the land of Hollywood #

# In the city of fallen angels #

# Where the ocean
meets the sand #

# You will form
a strong alliance #

# And the world's
most awesome band #

# To find your
fame and fortune #

# Through the valley
you must walk #

# You will face your inner demons #

# Now go, my son, and rock! #

# So he bailed
from fucking Kickapoo #

# With hunger in his heart #

# And he journeyed far and wide
to find the secrets of his art #

# But in the end he knew that
he would find his counterpart #

# Rock #

# Ro-o-o-ck #

# Ro-o-o-o-o-o-o-o #

# Hey-yeah-hey-yeah-hey-yeah-
yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-hey-yeah #

# Rock! #

# Tenacious D, Tenacious D #

# D, D, D, D #

# Oh, oh, oh, oh #

# Tenacious #

# Tenacious D, Tenacious D #

# Tenacious D, Tenacious D #

# Tenacious D #

# Tenacious D,
Ten! Ten! Ten! Ten! #

# Ten is ten, is ten,
is ten, is-- #

This place is awesome.

Gold man. Ha ha ha!

Whoa!

Ohhh! Oh, man!

- Thank you.
- Oh, my God.

OK, that was
the best thing I have ever seen.

- Who are you?
- The name's Kyle Gass.

Kyle Gass.

Dude, will you just teach me
that one thing that you did?

Where you're like, playing--

I'm not giving
free guitar lessons today.

Why don't you stand over there?

Right here?

You're awesome.

This next piece
is by Johann Sebastian Bach--

- Watch this.
- And it's entitled...

Bourr�e in E Minor.

Check this out,
this guy's insane.

Man, are you guys stupid.

Don't you know genius
when you see it?

Damn!

Anyway.

My name's JB.

My name's JB.

Just rolled into town.

- Would you give me some space?
- Yeah.

You're kinda cramping my style.

Oh, dude, I'm sorry.

And you're driving
away my crowd.

If you just move back,
like I asked you earlier...

I think things
are going to be a lot better.

- OK. Fine. Sorry.
- Thanks.

# Can't you see he's the man? #

# Let me hear you applaud #

# He's more than a man,
he's a shining golden god! #

# If you think #

# It's time to fucking rock #

# And fucking roll out of control #

# Well, then you know
you've got to rock the block #

# You fucking suck my fucking cock #

# 'Cause when you rule,
you fucking school #

# All of the fools
out of their jewels #

# 'Cause if you think it's time to,
if you think it's time to #

# If you think
it's time to fucking ro-ock #

# He is going #

# To kick your fucking ass #

# And you know
his name is Kyle Gass #

# Rocking and fucking rolling #

# And fucking rocking
and fucking rolling #

# And fucking
rip-rip-dip-diddley-diddley #

# Rip-rip-dip-diddley-diddley
dip, dip #

# Be-dop-bop-bop,
be-dop-bop-bop #

# Be-dop-bop-bop,
be-dop-bop-bop-boo! #

# Bip-bip-bip-biddle-biddle-boo,
bip-bip-bip-biddle-biddle-boo #

# Boo, boo, boo,
boo, boo, boo! #

# Bop-bop-bop-bop-bop-baah!
Bop-bop-bop-bop-bop #

# Bip, bip, bip, bip,
bip, bip, bip, bip #

# Bip, bip, bip, bip-be-doo! #

Yeah!

Dudes!

That was bad-ass.

You guys are like electric dynamite.

What's the name of your band?

We're not a band. They calls
me KG Solo Man Five Thousand...

and I aims to keep it that way.

- Aah!
- I'm outta here.

This place is tapped.

Jeez Louise, papa cheese.

I know. It's OK.

It's just part of his genius.

# Well, I can't get
to sleep tonight #

# No matter how hard I try #

# 'Cause it's cold
and it's dark #

# And the moon cannot light
the way #

# And Daddy's gone #

# I'm just a baby #

# Aaah-hah-hah-hah #

Well. What do we 'ave 'ere?

My little snuggles.

- Ha ha ha!
- I spy a stinking, filthy fag!

Snivelling, boo-hoo-hoo!

Like a wee baby!

Ha ha ha!

He does look like a fucking baby.

Oh! Ha ha. Wee baby.

Listen, fellas. I don't
wanna fight. So if you don't...

Aaaah!

Look at this. What is it?

Needs a popping, my brother.

- Ooh!
- Hey, no. Give me that back.

That's my lucky guitar pick.

That's my lucky guitar pick. Ow!

Ah! Argh! Ow!

Ha ha ha!

Hey! Okay! Let's go!

Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo! Ha ha ha!

Heh heh heh! Ha ha ha!

Ohh...

That's right, run.

Unless you want
some more of this! Aah!

You saved me.

Aah, that's all right.

They had it coming.

How can I repay you?

We'll work something out.

This place is futuristic.

Yeah, this is my pad, here.
Number four.

Not hard to remember.
Just think, "My door is four."

Pretty cool.

Wow. Nice pad.

You got this place all to yourself?

Yeah. I try to keep it simple.

This is where I stay when I write.

It's quite, uh, minimalist.

I don't like anything to get in
the way of my creative juices.

Cool.

I'm working on my solo album
right now.

Aaah.

Yeah, Kyle Gass Project.

It's got some pretty, uh,
breakthrough shit on it.

Trying to keep it
on the hush-hush, though.

Man, if you need a singer,
I am so there.

Check it out.

# Ride the tiger! #

# You can see his stripes
but you know he's clean #

It's a Ronnie James Dio song.

Yeah. I know.

I helped write it.

I jam with him all the time.

No way!

- You do not know Dio!
- Sure.

I know all the dudes
from Sabbath.

- Dude?
- Mm?

Is there any way that
maybe I could audition...

to be in the Kyle Gass Project?

Hm. Maybe.

Oh ho ho ho!

You gotta get your chops up,
though...

if you wanna shred
with the big dogs, son.

You got a lot to learn.

Will you teach me your ways?

I will teach you.

Go ahead and sleep
on the power couch.

Your training begins tomorrow.

At the crack of noon!

Um--

# It could have been disaster #

# Till the pupil found his master #

# Something rhymes with master #

# He's teaching
him in the ways of rock #

Lesson number one.

Power slide.

# Aaaah #

It's just slidin' on your knees.

Is it?

Or is it the single
most powerful stage move...

in any rocker's arsenal?

Oh.

Gimme a power slide.
Full throttle.

No fear.

I'll give you a power slide.

- How'd that feel?
- Really good.

How did it look?

Amazing...

...ly bad.

# Doo-doo-doo-
mm-doodle-diddum-doo-doo #

# I'm cleaning this apartment #

# 'Cause it's gonna
help me, maybe #

# Get into
the Kyle Gass Project #

# Roodle-oodle-doo,
roodle-oodle doo #

# Roodle-oodle-doo-doo-doo #

Hey, what's this check
for 200 bucks?

Oh, gimme that.

That's a royalty check.

Why's it say,
"I love you, pumpkin" on it?

Well, um, it's the name
of a song.

Big hit in Canada.

Get back to work.

Whoa, check out that superfox!

Do you think you can
handle a woman like that?

I think so.

Well, you'd better know so...

'cause there's gonna be
ten times hotter ones...

backstage at the Kyle Gass Project.

Really?

Sex is a crucial component
to the Kyle Gass Project.

Now drop
and give me one cock push-up.

What's a cock push-up?

What's a cock push-up?

A cock push-up, my friend, is
where you lay on your stomach...

and lift yourself off the ground
with nuthin' but your boner.

No problem.

The cock is a muscle.

You gotta learn how to flex it.

From now on, I want you to do
one cock push-up a day...

every day.

- It hurts my cock.
- Keep at it. You never know...

when you'll need to fuck your way
out of a tight situation.

Whoo!

# Ding-ding-a-ding-
ding-a-ding-ding-ding #

# His fingers move
with blinding speed #

# Within my mind
he'll plant the seed #

# I'm proud to be
amongst his learned flock #

# He teaches me #

# Beseeches me #

# And when I've learned
all of his lessons #

# Then I'll know the
ancient secrets of his rock #

Aaah.

Yeah.

Oh oh oh, yeah!

I fucking did it!

Oh, I did it!

Hey. Dude, you reached KG.

You know what to do. Uhhh.

Dude, pick up.

Dude, it's Jables. Pick up, man.

- Yeah.
- Yeah! Ha ha ha!

I did it, man. Check it out.

You hear that?

The training is working, man.

I made ten whole bucks
with my rock!

Good. Go score me a dime bag.

A what?

Ten dollars' worth of weed.

Now, listen.
Go down to Wake & Bake Pizza...

Ask for Jojo.

Tell him you want
the Bob Marley extra crispy.

He'll know
what you're talking about.

All right, dude. Roger that.

One extra crispy coming up!

Stone Age man
now had the muscle power...

and mental power necessary
to evolve to new heights.

He then found the means
to harness...

an even greater energy source.

The animals and creatures around him.

Hmm.

Animal power would give him the food...

and transportation, the clothing
and entertainment...

- needed for his long journey.
- Dude, turn it to Channel 14.

In Search of Sasquatch is on.

When you are able to snatch
this remote from my hand...

you will be ready to choose
the channels we watch.

Try to snatch it.

Aah, fuck!

Patience, young grass smoker.
Patience.

Welcome to the gig simulator.

If you pass this test,
your training is complete.

You will be ready to audition
for the KGP.

The what?

Kyle Gass Project?

Oh, right, right.

Hold on.

Aaah.

Here's your 'za. That'll be 15.50.

- Cool.
- Hey.

Aren't you the guitar guy
from the boardwalk?

- Yeah.
- I'm Lee.

- Kage.
- Whoa!

You guys puttin' on a concert?
Can I watch?

- Half off the pie?
- Dealio.

Right on. Come on in.

Hu...

Um...I don't know
if that's such a good idea, KG.

Uh, I'd rather not do this
in front of strangers.

What do you think
it's going to be like...

when we play the Coliseum?

No strangers allowed?

OK.

Let the simulation begin.

Uh--Ha ha. All right.

So, should I sing a song?

Hey, sing something, douchebag!

OK.

You know what? I wanna start
off--offstage and come out...

'cause that's the way
I like, imagine it.

Just--just come
in from the wings.

Ladies and gentlemen,
the Kyle Gass Project!

Aaah!

Hey, what's up? I'm JB
from the Kyle Gass Project.

Get on with it, dumb shit.

All right, Kage,
let's do it, man. Two, three.

# The Kyle Gass a-Project
is a-out of control! #

# All right! #

Get off the stage,
you stupid dillweed.

# He'd turn me to a diamond
from a piece of coal #

# Yeah yeah yeah #

Boo!

Boo! Boo!

Boooo!

Go back to Kickapoo,
you fat-ass momma's boy!

Boo!

# You're teaching me
the secrets of the pumpkin patch #

- Boo!
- Ow! Aah!

- Boo!
- Urgh.

Hey, that's really...

- Hey! You suck!
- You suck! Suck! Suck!

Jesus. You call that music?

You're nothing but a mistake.

I should have worn a condom.

I was not a mistake.

Power slide.

Aaagh! Aaah, aaah!

- He's had enough. Turn it off.
- Aagh. Aaaah!

Lights!

- Oooh.
- Hey, hey, it's OK.

- I suck!
- You don't suck.

I broke my guitar!

Monster mash!

Nobody passes the gig simulator
on the first time.

Not even this guy.

You didn't?

But then you did pass it later?

I passed later, but, you know,
took me a couple of tries.

- Oh, you did? I was doing...
- You know you can do it.

- It was going pretty good.
- Right.

Until I got--until I got to the--

When I messed up on that thing.

Let's clean this place up.
What do you say?

And then we'll do bongloads
and play Maximum Overthruster.

- Hey, dude, it's KG.
- Do some bongloads?

You know what to do. Uhhh.

Hi, pumpkin. It's your mother.

Your father and I have decided...

that 15 years of trying to be a famous
musician is long enough.

So I'm sorry to say...

we aren't going to be sending
you any more rent checks.

It's time to get a real job.

I love you, pumpki--

"I love you, pumpkin"?

Those weren't royalty checks.

I can't believe this machine, it's--

Let's watch TV, you wanna?

You lied to me.

- You don't know Dio.
- Hey!

I think that In Search
of Sasquatch is on.

- Hold on.
- Give me that fucking remote.

No! Leave it!

No!

Aaah!

- Ohhh!
- Aaah!

Who are you?

Here's your lunch, pumpkin.

Thanks, Mom.

Oh! Mwah!

I love you, pumpkin.

- Hey, pumpkin!
- Ha ha ha!

Hah! What's with the hat, dude?

Your mom sew that for you?
Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

- Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!
- Oh, my God!

Your mom shine that for you
when you go to bed?

- Cue ball!
- Science experiment gone wrong!

- Freakazoid!
- Ha ha ha!

I'm fucking outta here.

Don't walk away from me!

I fucking cleaned your apartment, man.

What are you doin'?

Why are you packing?

I have to go back to my mom and dad's.

I'm broke.

I already spent the last rent check.

Oh, you fucking dick!

What'd you spend the money on? Huh?

An official professor bullshit degree?

What'd you spend the rent on?

I got that for you.

Stop packing, dude.

We're gonna pay the rent...

with our rock.

- We are?
- Yeah.

But we're not gonna be called
the Kyle Gass Project.

From now on...

we will be known as Tenac.

Tenac?

What's that?

It's a sign.

A legacy.

I've had this birthmark since I was born.

I looked it up in the dictionary.

It's not in there.

I never knew what the hell it meant.

Till now.

It's the name of our fuckin' band, dude.

I have ass-mark too.

You guys!

Look!

# Whoa! #

# They must pay the rent #

# With their rock #

# Oh-ohhhh, oh, oh #

But thaaaaat's my life.

All right.

Neil Hamburger,
everybody, Neil Hamburger.

Funny stuff.

Uh, the next band
asked me to read this.

"Since the beginning of time...

"'twas written in the stones
that one day, a band would come.

"Well, that band has come...

"and now they're here
to come again...

"in your ear-pussies."

Ladies and gentlemen,
Tenacious D.

That was awesome,
the way you read that.

Kage. Kage?

Don't forget
to fucking bring the thunder.

- OK.
- Hey, what's up?

- OK.
- Hey, what's up?

We're Tenacious D
and this is our first concert ever...

so it's kinda historical.

And, um, we wrote this song that
gives you a little taste...

of, like, the history of the band.

Let's fucking do it, Kage, go!

This is a song called
The History Of Tenacious D.

And it's not just
a list of bullshit...

that we've done in the past.

It's a chronicling of our rise.

To power!

# We ride with kings
on mighty steeds #

# Across the Devil's plain #

# We've walked
with Jesus and his cross #

# He did not die in vain #

# No! #

# We've run with wolves,
we've climbed K2 #

# We even stopped a moving train #

# We've traveled through
space and time, my friends #

# To rock this house again #

# Rock! #

# We ride and we ride
we'll never subside #

# We'll ride
till the planets collide #

# And if you say that
we do not ride #

# I'll tan your fucking hide #

# Ride! #

# Kyle's fingers be silver #

# Jack's voice then be gold #

# But lest you think we're vain #

# We know you're all robots
and we don't care #

# Tenacious D #

# We reign! #

# We reign #

# Supreme, oh God! #

# Burrito supreme #

# And a chicken supreme #

# And a Cutlass Supreme #

# Supreme, yeah #

# Gonna count one, two, three #

# Supreme, yeah #

# Gonna count one, two, three #

# Supre--ee--eme #

# Gonna count one, two, three #

# Burrito supreme #

# And a chicken supreme #

# And a Cutlass Supreme #

# Supreme! #

Yeah!

Let's go!

Ha ha ha!

- Yeah!
- Yeah!

You guys, wait for me outside.

I'm gonna go talk to the big cheese.

Good call.

So?

What'd you think?

It was OK.

- It was OK?
- Mm-hm.

You were OK. We were kick-ass.

And we're gonna totally win
that money next week...

at the open mic contest.

Well, good luck.

You know there's a lot
of stiff competition, so...

you might wanna think about
writing some new material.

That was amazing. You guys
changed people's lives tonight.

I know, we were so awesome.

Yeah, it was awesome.
Compared to bullshit.

But compared to the greats?

To Zeppelin? To the Beatles?
To fucking Beethoven?

True. We were kick-ass.

But if the D's gonna
win that prize money...

we're gonna have to write
a fucking masterpiece!

Are you with me?

Totally.

Power hug.

Masterpiece.

# A masterpiece, a masterpiece #

# They've got to write a masterpiece
to pay the rent #

Do it!

All right,
no more fucking around.

Masterpiece is right in there.

All we have to do is step
into that magic circle...

and the masterpiece is ours.

Are you ready?

Are you ready
to write a fucking masterpiece?

- 'Cause I sure the fuck am.
- Yeah!

Let's go!

What are you doing?
Go. Go. Play something.

Go fast. The magic only lasts a second.

No, don't play fast.
I said start fast.

But keep going, yes.

Try to make it prettier.
Prettier, prettier. Prettier.

Stop judging yourself,
you're judging yourself.

That's why that riff sucks.

No fucking mental blocks.
Release the...

# Chi #

That's all right.

Now, can you play a little
higher, higher, higher up?

Higher notes, higher notes,
higher notes, higher notes.

Higher notes, higher notes,
can you play any higher notes?

Sorry, I didn't mean to yell.

I'm not looking for anything specific...

but that's definitely
the wrong part of the cosmos.

I want it over here, in the
newer, hotter part. Like--

# Molten lava! #

# That's the thing,
keep playing that riff #

# Because we gotta
get it on tonight, aah #

What are you doing?
Were we recording?

Press record. Press record.

Oh, God damn it, it's too late!

- Aah. Fu--
- God damn it, Kyle, we had it.

We were right there in it
and you were too slow.

You didn't remember to do shit,
you didn't do what I told you...

and things got crossed,
chakras were fucking exploded.

If we're gonna do this thing right...

you gotta do what I tell you to do!

Daaah! Fa-gaah!

I wanna write a masterpiece.

I know, dude. So do I.

It's all right.

We've got writers' block,
it happens to the best of 'em.

I mean, look at these guys.

AC/DC. Van Halen.

The Who!

Why are you guys so awesome?

What do you have
that we don't have?

Well, they all use
the same guitar pick.

What?

Looks like they all use
the same guitar pick.

Holy shitballs.

Too many picks.

Let's see.

I don't think they have it.

Let's talk to the dude. We might
have to special order it.

Marcus, I need a price check
on Ernie Ball amp caster stat.

Just be a second.

Can I help you gentlemen?

Yeah, we're looking for
a guitar pick like this one.

How'd you hear about this?

What did Papardello tell you?

Uh--Ahem. We just noticed
that all these musicians...

are using the same guitar pick--

Okay ka-ssh!

Jerry, do me a favor, uh, ring up
these amp casters for me.

Thank you, my man.

In here.

We can talk in here.

What you seek...

is the Pick...

of Destiny.

I think there's
a light switch back here.

No, dude, you don't...

Grab a seat.

You two bozos
don't even realize it...

but you just stumbled onto...

the darkest secret
in the history of rock.

Go on.

I actually saw it once.

I used to be a guitar tech.

So one night, I'm working a gig
up in New Jersey or something.

Some real mediocre band.

Lead guitarist comes out,
starts shredding licks...

way beyond his capabilities.

Like shit that had to be
coming from somewhere else.

I noticed he was using a new pick.

Weird-looking thing with horns on it.

Made of green ivory, or some shit.

It was the pick, it wasn't him.

He didn't know what he had, though.

End of the show, he flicks it
back into the audience.

Some kid catches it.

Kid named Eddie.

Eddie?

Van Halen!

Whoa.

So I started researching it.

Turns out this thing goes deeper
than I could have imagined.

Way deeper.

Back to the Dark Ages.

I moved to Rome. Quit my job.

Learned Latin.

I gained the trust of the
night librarian at the Vatican.

A gentleman named
Salvatore Papardello.

He turned me on to some shit
that you wouldn't believe.

Check this out.

It's an ancient scroll.

All in Latin.

I translated it. Took me six years.

Why didn't you just get a translator?

And let him read it too?

Listen to this.

Long ago, a dark wizard
used his black magic...

to summon Satan himself.

Satanus.

That's Latin for Satan.

A horrific battle ensued.

But the great demon
was far too powerful.

Snakes!

Finish me, foul beast!

Luckily, a blacksmith
heard the beast's roars.

No!

Ow!

Fuck! You chipped my tooth.

I'm not complete.

Venisti remanebis
donec denuo completus sis.

What does that mean?

From whence you came
you shall remain...

until you are complete again.

Fuck you! No!

No! I'm not complete!

The demon was drawn back
into the fires of hell...

and the dark wizard
was totally stoked to be alive.

With a long draw on his hash pipe...

the wizard devised a way
to repay the blacksmith.

The blacksmith loved a fair maiden.

To gain her affection, he would
need a true master skill...

that would leave the maiden
moist and wanting.

And so the wizard fashioned
the demon's tooth...

into a pick that would make
the blacksmith play...

only the most masterful
of melodies on his lute...

thereby winning the heart
of the maiden he loved.

The secret of the pick died
with that blacksmith.

And then...poof!

All of a sudden it reappears
in the American South...

at the turn of the century,
in Robert Johnson's fingers.

Spawns the birth of the blues.
And rock & roll.

Of course.

The pick is a tiny part
of the beast...

so it has
supranatural qualities.

- Supernatural?
- No, supra-natural.

That's like
a whole other level above super.

Where is it now?

That's the last known photo
of the pick.

That guitar was sold at auction.

It now resides in the
Rock & Roll History Museum.

That's where the POD is too.

- The POD?
- The Pick of Destiny.

Oh.

Why didn't you just go get it?

The Rock & Roll History Museum
is an impenetrable fortress.

You two bozos wanna steal
the Pick of Destiny...

count me out.

I already went down
that rabbit hole once.

And I got news for you.

There's no cheese at
the end of that tunnel, buddy.

All right, get outta here.
I told you enough already.

C'mon, get outta here.

Man, I don't know what to say.

Shh.

Just get outta my store.

The Quest!

Oh, my God! You guys!
What are you doin' here?

- Come on in!
- Actually, we can't stay.

We were hopin'
you'd do us a favor.

Anything you need, man.

- Do you think it would be OK--
- We need your car.

Oh.

Um, well,
kinda need it for work.

Listen, man.

We've got a meeting
with the hugest president...

of the most massive
record company in the business.

We need to meet him
in Sacramento tonight.

Oh.

Uh--

Well--

All right.

Hey, what's up with this pedal?

That's my extra brake.

I'm a pizza delivery guy
and a driving instructor.

I teach people how to drive
while I deliver 'zas.

Ha ha ha! Good thinkin', man.

Later.

Knock 'em dead
at the meeting, you guys.

I can't stop thinkin'
about that fuckin' pick.

You heard the guy. It's Satan's tooth.

When we get that thing...

we're gonna win
that fuckin' prize money...

then we're gonna
dominate the world of rock.

We're gonna be unstoppable, man.

Hmmm...

Unstoppable.

Unstoppable.

Unstoppable.

This, uh, next band
asked me not to read this...

but, God damn it,
I'm going to read it anyway...

because I wrote it...

and it's the truth.

"I fucking love this band!"

They are the best band ever, period!

Ladies and gentlemen, Tenacious D!

Hey, what's up?

Me and KG wrote this song
five minutes ago.

It's called Master Exploder.

# Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh
ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh #

# Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh yeah! #

- # I do not need #
-# He does not need #

- # A microphone #
-# A microphone #

- # My voice is fucking #
-# Fucking #

# Powerful #

# Ahh, yeah! #

# Ah, ahh, yeah! #

Sorry.

- # I did not mean #
-# He did not mean #

- # To blow your mind #
-# To blow your mind #

# But that shit happens to me
all the ti-i-i-ime #

- # Now, take a look #
-# Take a look #

- # Tell me what you see #
-# What you see #

# We got the Pick of Destiny--y--y #

# Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh
ahh-ahh yeah! #

Woah!

JB! JB! JB! JB!

JB! JB! JB! JB! JB!

- JB! JB! JB!
- JB. JB. JB.

- JB! JB! JB!
- JB. JB. JB.

JB, wake up. JB, wake up!

Let's chow down, dude.

- I'm starving.
- OK.

You guys know what you want?

Hmm.

What do you recommend?

I recommend
that you order some food.

OK.

Uh--Lemme have
the fried chicken and a steak...

and the chicken-fried steak.

Hello.

Um--What happened to your eye?

I burned it with a curling iron.

I'll have one small glass
of carrot juice.

Yeah, we don't have that here.

Then I will have nothing.

Great.

- Dude, what's the matter?
- Dude?

Aren't you hungry?
You should eat somethin'.

No. I never eat before a mission.

It slows you down.

I gotta be light on my feet
like a dancer.

Like a fuckin' ninja, dude.

Now check this out.

I'm gonna jump this fence here.

OK? Like a gazelle.

Then you come around
that fuckin' bend.

God! Damn it, Kyle!

If we're gonna do this,
you gotta stay focused.

Eye of le tigre!

Now check it out.

You give me a fuckin' boost,
He-Man style.

And then we're gonna fuckin' do
a little mini-tiger roll...

- And come on back.
- Oh, my God. Stop it!

I fuckin' pull your shit up.

Dude, hold on. That's good stuff.

You're right, he's coming over here.

- Oh!
- Fuckin' dick squeezer.

Aaah!

Uh--

Hey...

buddy.

Heh heh heh.

So, uh, what, uh, brings you...

to this neck of the woods?

Um--Ahem. We're just
on a little business trip.

Mm.

Are you, uh, going to, uh...

check out
the Rock & Roll History Museum?

- The Rock & Roll what?
- History Museum.

Oh, no. I don't even know
what you're talkin' about.

You just seem like
Rock & Roll types to me.

- Ha ha!
- Yeah, well, we're not.

We're just
two fuckin' businessmen...

on our way
to see some shit in Sacramento.

- So, sorry.
- Hmm. Yes. Yes.

I was just asking because...

I noticed the guitars
in the back seat of your car.

Yeah, well, I said,
we're fuckin' businessmen.

We sell guitars. So what?
Big deal. End of story.

Check, please!

You're sure you aren't planning...

on breaking into
the Rock & Roll History Museum?

Hey, gimme that back, man!

Yeah, my buddy and I are in a band.

I don't like to say the name,
but uh, we had some hits...

And so, uh, they're inductin' us...

into the Rock & Roll History Museum.

- No way!
- Aaah.

Way.

Oh, my God. We're sitting
with someone famous?

Ah, we're just regular guys.

I mean, uh,
we're just flesh and...bone.

Let's just say you are planning...

on breaking into
the Rock & Roll History Museum.

Maybe you are inexperienced...

and you get inside
and cry like little girl.

Maybe you don't have
what it takes to get the job done.

'Scuse me.

Man, God!

Yeah. Damn.

I was thinking maybe there
was something in that museum...

you had a desire for.

Maybe--

Pick of Destiny!

Our sorority is throwing
a huge bash tonight.

You guys should totally come...

and play some
of your songs at the party.

We're just getting ready
to head over there right now.

Why don't you follow us over?

You know what?

That sounds rad.

We don't usually play private parties...

but I think we can make
some dreams come true tonight.

Hee hee hee hee!

I'll ride along with you.

So you don't get lost.

I tried to get
the Pick of Destiny once.

I had it in my hands, too.

But I was caught. Set off a laser.

Security door came down on my leg.

- Cut it right off.
- Ooh.

I would break in again
if I still had my leg.

My leg. Oh, man.

I miss that sweet-ass leg of mine.

Why are you telling me this?

I like you. I see the spark
in your eye that I once had.

Let me show you something.

These are my plans.
They will help you, I promise.

There are two air ducts on the roof.

You must enter through there.

Speak of this to no one!

Wait.

Wait, I have some questions.

Let me wipe.

Hold up, dude.

Dude. I got some smokin' bettys
over there...

and they want us to play a gig.

No. I just had the weirdest
conversation of my life.

This guy just gave me
the perfect plan.

Now, look.

There's two air ducts on the roof.

Dude. The party?

Gettin' to play our own tunes?

That blonde over there wants
to ride my wrinklestick, yo.

Would you get your head out of
the fuckin' pussy-clouds, man?

Who cares about these chicks?

There's gonna be ten times
hotter babes backstage...

when we win album of the year.

This pick is our ticket to genius.

Dude. I can't believe you'd
pass by a gig opportunity...

with some sweet-ass hotties--

What, for this?

Is this really
that important to you? Huh?

We can still write a masterpiece
and win that dough.

Maybe it would be better for the D...

if we worked on our songwriting...

instead of relying on ancient bullshit, but--

probably won't work anyway.

What's it gonna be, Kyle?

You have to decide.

Tits or destiny?

Tits.

So, good luck, buddy.

I hope it was worth it,
because we're done.

You ruined it. Pick's mine.

Fuck you. I don't fuckin' need you.

Later, cock-ass!

Uh, don't mind him. He--

He's my butler.

Had to let him go for loafin'.

He--he'll--he'll be fine.

Excuse me, um, are you gonna
charge us for all the refills?

No, you're so pretty,
you get everything for free.

Well, that's a really good deal.

# Ohhh, ahhh, whoa, why? #

# Woo! #

It's just a five-mile walk.

I can walk that.
I don't need a car.

I'll take the fuckin' shoelace express.

Aaaah!

- Woo!
- Fuck you!

# I want you, Jyne #

# All the time #

# I want you, Jyne #

- Where we goin'?
-# I want you, Jyne #

# Gonna make you mine #

# Tonight #

Stop. Stop the music.

Everybody, we have got
a special surprise tonight.

We have brought with us someone...

who just happens to be a rock star!

Whoo!

That's in town to be conducted...

into the Rock & Roll History Museum.

- Whoo!
- Yeah!

And he promised to come here tonight...

and play us a few of his hits.

- Oh--
- So...

- You know--
- Let's give it up!

- Whoo!
- I don't have a guitar.

I don't have my gui--
I don't have a guitar.

- All right!
- Whoo!

- All right, come on!
- Um--

This is a song, um--

I wrote with my partner.

My f--former partner.

And, uh, it's called
The History Of Tenacious D.

- Whoo!
- Whoo!

- Nice!
- Yeah!

# Across the Devil's plain #

Huh?

# He did not die in vain, no #

- That sucked.
- Yeah.

# I want you, Jyne #

- # Need it all the time #
- Ha ha ha!

- That sucked.
-# I want you, Jyne #

# Oh, girl, you're so divine #

# I want you, Jyne #

One more and that's it.

Aah.

It's a good thing
I found these mushrooms.

I was fucking starving.

Mmm. Mm.

Aah.

This place is kinda...

juicy.

Zzzzzhing!

Ha ha ha!

Hee hee!

Oh, my God! Sasquatch!

Aaaaah!

Jables! What's up?

Ho ho ho!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

What are you doin' out here?

I was just walkin'
in your beautiful forest.

Oh, it's not my fowest, bwother.

It's evewyone's.

You're so fuckin' awesome.

I love yoooou!

I love you too, JB.

You're a awesome rocker.
Ha ha ha!

Whoo!

- Let's pway!
- Ha ha ha!

Aaaaah!

Aaaaah-oooh!

That's good.

- Let's go on a adventure.
- Yeah!

I got lots to show you.

Can I be a Sasquatch too?

You alweady are.

You're my son, JB.

My widdle baby Sass.

# La-la-lai-la #

# La, la, la-la-la-la-la-la #

Oh!

Let's take a dip
in the stwawberry wiver!

- Yay!
- Come on!

Oooh!

# Let's go #

Ohhhh! Yeah. This is fun.

Ohhhhh!

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Good times.

- This is fun.
- Good times.

This is--This is super fun!

Ha ha ha!

Ohhh!

Ha ha! Daddy, look. Look.

It's stuck to my butt.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Shake your tushie, it'll fall off.

- Aah!
- Oh!

Let's get wid of these.

- Ah!
-# Ooh, la-la-la, ooh #

- Time to fly.
- Yeah.

- Whee.
- Ha ha ha! Whee!

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

- Hee hee! Hee hee hee!
- We're flying!

- Hee hee! Hee hee hee!
- We're flying!

- We're flying!
- Hold on, boy!

# Found where the Sasquatch hide #

# In the misty mountainside #

# He's got shiny diamonds
that he's got to protect #

# Look into the Sasquatch eye #

# Then you know
that Sass can fly #

# Sasquatch is my daddy
and he's going to protect me! #

# Half man and half machine #

# On the cover of a magazine #

# Bigfoot is my father
and he's got to protect me! #

# These lyrics don't make sense #

# Think I've found the evidence #

# That yeti is my papa
and he wants to protect-- #

# Me! #

Do you know where
I can find the Pick of Destiny?

Sure! It's right over there!

Oh! Let's get it!

I can get it if I surf on your--

Aaah! Aaah! Aaah!

Aaaaah! Sweet baby!

Oh! Aaaah! Aaaah! Aaaah! Aaaah!

Ow!

Oh, God!

Hoo hoo hoo hoo!

Oh! Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Where the fuck am I?

Yeah, you motherfucker.

I'm gonna get that son--

# Dude, I totally miss you #

# I really fuckin' miss you #

# I'm all alone all the time #

# All the time #

# Dude, I totally miss you #

# The things we did together #

# Where have you gone? #

# Totally miss the honesty
and special times #

# And honestly I totally miss
the fucked up thing you do #

# Dude, I totally miss you #

# I totally miss you #

# Dude, I totally miss you
all the time #

# Aaaah #

# Aaaah #

# Aaaah-aaaah-aaaah #

- # Aaaah, I totally aaaah you #
- Ha ha ha!

Did you see that?

- That was awesome.
-# Dude, I totally miss you #

- That was great.
-# I totally miss you #

# Dude, I totally miss you
all the time #

# All the t-i-i-ime #

# The mission is clear #

# I'm goin' over there #

# I'm goin' to do the mission #

# I'm going to flip around the corner
flat as a pancake #

# And then l--Oh, no, the camera! #

# Stay back here, devise a plan #

# Dive into the bushes #

# Against all odds #

# Infiltrate, storm the gate! #

# Storm the gate! #

- # Ninja style, Samurai #
-# Storm the gate! #

- # Metal pole, climb that shit #
-# Storm the gate! #

# Climb into that motherfucker #

# Now I'm climbin' up, up on a roof #

# I've got catlike reflexes, flip-- #

- ...me, I elbow him--
- One guy?

He's tryin' to punch me in the neck.

- Yeah.
- I look down...

and there's two guys goin',
"I'm--We're gonna punch you."

So they're punchin' up at me...

I got both elbows down like this.

Pull both their hair...

and I made them both
poke each other's eyes out.

So they're both blind,
there's blood everywhere--

# Against all odds #

# Infiltrate, oh, storm the gate! #

What the fuck?

# Two air vents on the roof #

# That's what the guy was talkin' a--shit! #

- Fuck!
-# Electric eye #

# Infiltrate, storm the gate! #

# Storm the gate! #

# Storm the gate! #

Ow!

God damn it! Aah!

God! That was KG's fault.

God! That was KG's fault.

If he'd been here
like we planned...

he coulda lowered me down
with a rope...

but dick-ass
had to follow his cock.

And you know when I go quadruple
plat he'll come a-knockin'--

"Dude, can I come back
and join the band now?"

And I'll be like,
"No way, cockshiner."

And then he'll be like--

Can you hear me?

Oh, yeah.
I hear you loud and clear.

You're sayin' ho's before bro's.

Well, that's not how I roll, asshole.

JB, it's KG. Do you read me?

What do you want, non-rocker?

This line is reserved for rockers only...

so I can't really talk
to you right now.

Sex, drugs, and then rock & roll.

In that order.
I was just followin' the code.

You're a fuckin' traitor.

You bailed on me,
and now I'm in the shit.

Where the fuck are you?

I'm in the air duct, dude.

- Dude. I totally missed you.
- Me too.

I just heard a noise.

I am trippin'.

Are you stoned?

Listen.

Uh, I just heard a noise.

- I'm gonna go check it out.
- Copy that.

Mm.

Uh--

Classic Rock is clear.

I'm gonna go check out Punk.

And if I find anybody in there...

I'm gonna pop a fuckin' cap
in their ass.

I'm gonna call it self-defense.

Hello?

I'm on my own.

Oh, God.

Dude, you heard that guy.

He's gonna shoot us. Let's bail.

No. We're too close.

That pick is in one of these rooms...

and we're not leavin' here
without it.

Dude, look at this place.

It's huge. We're never
gonna find this thing.

Follow me. We are the shadows.

They'll never find what cannot be seen.

Center.

Picks, picks.

Where do they keep their fuckin' picks?

It's gotta be in the Guitar Gods room.

- Where's that?
- It's right here.

At the top of Guitarway to Heaven.

There it is.

Fuck-a-luck-a-ding-dong.

- Let's go get it.
- No!

Lasers.

They'll slice you to pieces.

Sizzlelean.

You stay here and keep a lookout.

Wh--What are you gonna do?

I'm goin' in there and gettin' that pick.

# Danger #

# Laser #

# Tetris #

# lmpossible #

Be careful.

# Q-Bert #

# Frogger #

Uh! Uh!

# Dig Dug #

# Marble Madness #

# Centipede #

# Millipede #

# Tenacious #

You got it.

# lmpossible #

# lmpossible #

Can't...reach...pick.

Surrounded by lasers.

Focus, Jables.

Use all your mental powers.

Wait.
There's a button down here.

I think it might deactivate the lasers...

But I can't reach it.

The cock.

Use the cock.

Come on, helmet head.

Get it up.

# Cock #

Ooh.

# Cock, cock, cock #

# Cock, cock, cock #

Aaah! Mmm!

- # Cock, cock, cock, cock #
- Come to Papa.

- # Cock #
- Oh! Aaah!

Oh, yeah!

Let's finish this.

# Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey, hey #

# Prekeh-goo-goo-boo
ba-dum-biddly-beep-beep #

Aaah!

Fuck.

I can't reach it.

- I can't reach it.
- Hold on!

Aaaaah!

That's it, that's it.

I got it! I got it! Aaah!

- Aaah! Aaah!
- Aaah!

Ah! Aaah! Oh! Aaah!

- Uh...
- Oh!

Ha ha ha ha!

Aaaaaah!

Haul ass!

Aaaaaah!

Aaaaaah!

Halt! Stop!

Aaah!

Power slide!

# Yeah! #

- Oh, damn!
- Ugh! Why?

- That was awesome.
- I know.

I've never fired a gun before,
it was unbelievable.

Aah! Oh, God! Oh!

Oh! Hold up!

- We got it!
- Fuck, yeah.

Let's get the fuck outta here.

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Nice work, boys.

Now, toss that pick over here,
nice and slow.

Or I will cut you from hole to hole.

Then you might as well kill us, man...

'cause there is no way in hell...

we're givin' you this fuckin' pick.

OK.

So be it.

Come over here.

I'm going to fucking stab you.

What?

No. We're not comin' over there.

Fine.

Stay where you are, then.

I'm going to come over there.

I am going to slice out
your eyes and your balls.

And then I am going to stick
your eyes in your ballsacks...

and then I will take your balls...

and I will put them in your eyeholes!

Dude, we could totally outrun him.

Totally, let's bail.

N--No, wait! Co--Come back here!

Gaaah!

Come back with my pick!

It belongs to me!

Freeze!

Catch me if you can.

Aaah!

# Kings! #

Yeah! Yeah!

Whoo!

Fifty miles to Los Angeles.

- We did it!
- Yeah!

- Yeah!
- I know.

I'm surprised no one even chased us.

We got away scot-free.

- You fuckin' rule.
- No. You fuckin' rule.

Yeah, but I couldn't have done it
without your training.

Dude, let's see the pick.

- Oh, shit.
- Dude, you got it, right?

Yes! Ha ha ha!

- Look at how awesome it is!
- Ohhhh!

- Now we have the power.
- Yes!

We shall carry on its ancient legacy.

Dude, we are gonna smoke
the competition...

at the open mic night tonight.

- That money is ours!
- Mm. Totally.

Yeah, I got some, uh, fellas
with a broken taillight.

- Oh, fuck. It's the cops.
- Is it? Oh... Oo.

Pull over. Pull over. It's cool.

- OK.
- Pull over.

All right. Just play it cool.

M'kay? They got nothin' on us.

Let's just be mellow, OK?

What're you doing? No!

What the fuck are you doing?

This is Officer Mackenzie,
I need backup.

Assailants turning south
down Lexington Avenue.

I'm in pursuit.

Oh, God damn it, Kyle!

# Car chase city,
that's the name of the game #

- I want out!
-# It was all groovy #

# Now it's totally lame #

# KG really fuckin'
blew a synapse #

# Now we're fuckin' headed
for a total collapse #

# Car chase city,
run away from the fuzz #

# Thought that we wasn't
but we totally was #

# Car chase city,
now we're off-a the map #

# Car chase city,
now we're takin' a crap #

- # Now it's gettin' hairy #
- Oh, fuck!

- # So we're changin' the key #
- God damn it!

# Never underestimate
the power of D #

# KG fuckin' put his foot on the gas #

# If I go to prison,
hide the pick in my ass #

# Fuck this shit, it's gone too far #

# Kage, pull over,
let me out of the car #

The car is severely damaged.

The perpetrators appear to be
two heavyset males...

driving a blue Cutlass Supreme.

# Car chase city,
now we're takin' the lane #

# KG blew it now we're goin' insane #

# Let's rock, let's roll,
let me try to fill up your-- #

Let's go now to Mark in Skycop--

God damn it!

- Yeah?
- Hey, you guys!

- Fuck!
- It's Lee.

I'm just checkin' in.
Is everything OK?

Yeah, we're cool. We're super cool.

Ah! Ahh!

Um, where are you guys?

We're, uh, we're at the drive-in.

We're watchin this bitchin' movie.

It's, uh, Cop Chase 3.
Have you seen it?

Aaaaaah!

Uh, no. I haven't seen that one.

Whoa!

Sounds scary, though.

Yeah. Uh, it's really fucking scary.

I'm shaking right now, I'm so scared.

Cool. Well, how was that, uh...

big power meeting you guys had?

Awesome. I'll tell you about it later.

You're makin' us miss the movie.

I think I lost em!

Gaah!

# Gas! Brakes! #

# Spinnin' donuts,
spinnin' donuts, go! #

I can do this.

# Flip flip! #

- # Gas #
- Nooo!

- # Nitro! #
- Go!

# Aaaaah! #

We're gonna need
paramedics and fire trucks.

These guys are toast.

Let's get the fuck outta here.

Let's go.

Uh, which way, which way?

OK, where?

That way! That way!

This is it, I think.

Uh! Oooh! Uh!

- Lemme sneak a peek.
- OK.

Uh! Huh.

- This is it.
- Oh.

C'mon.

Oh, fuck.

- Let's do this.
- OK.

Hey. Hey.

Hey, guys, you're runnin' a little late.

There's one spot left.
You got any new material?

What we got's gonna turn
your brain into shit.

Dust off the stage,
open mic host. Step aside.

OK, big shots.

You're up whenever you're ready.

Let's blister this asshole.

Jack, wait! You got the pick?

Yeah. Got it right here.
Let's go.

Maybe I should use it tonight
and you use it next time.

I should use it tonight.
I'm the lead singer.

Huh! It's a guitar pick.
I'm lead guitar.

OK, dude, don't freak out on me.

Let's just work this out rationally, OK?

We'll take turns with it.

I'll use it now, you'll use it later.

I'm not freakin' out,
you're freakin' out.

Now, just let me hold it
for one second!

You're never gonna use
this fuckin' pick.

Aaah!

Aaaah!

- No!
- No!

You guys, the crowd's
gettin' restless in there.

- No!
- Hey, wh-what's--

What's goin' on?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
what's wrong?

We can't go on.

We had the demon's pick...

but then we broke it...

and now our masterpiece
will never happen.

We can't pay the rent because
we won't be fueled by Satan.

Come on, get up, get up.

Come on, come on. Stand up.
You're all right.

You guys, having
some satanic guitar pick...

isn't gonna make
your rock any better...

because Satan's not
in a guitar pick...

he's inside all of us.

He's in here.

In your hearts.

He's what makes us
not want to go to work...

exercise, or tell the truth.

He's what makes us want to party...

and have sex with each other
all night long.

He's that little voice in your mind...

that says, "Fuck you"
to the people you hate.

Now, you can stay out here
and fight on the ground...

and cry like babies.

Or you can go in there
like friends and rock.

So, what's it gonna be?

Let's go in there and show 'em
what Tenacious D is all about.

Yeah.

I already got a guitar pick anyways.

C'mon.

Dude, we can still use the pick.

You use one half, I'll use the other.

There's still some juice
in there, probably.

- You know what I mean?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Where is that...?

Aaaah!

# I am complete #

# Fu-uck #

# Yes, you are fucked #

# Shit out of luck #

# Now I'm complete
and my cock you will suck #

# This world will be mine #

# And you're first in line #

# You brought me the pick
and now you shall both die #

# Wait, wait, wait,
you motherfucker #

# We challenge you
to a rock-off #

# Give us one chance
to rock your socks off #

# Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! #

# The demon code prevents me #

# From declining
a rock-off challenge #

# What are your terms? #

# What's the ca-a-atch? #

# If we win you must take
your sorry ass back to hell #

# And also you will have
to pay our rent #

# And what if I win? #

# Then you can take
Kage back to Hell #

What?

Trust me, Kage.

It's the only way.

What are you talking about?

# To be your little bitch #

Fine!

# Let the rock-off begin! #

Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha!

# I'm the Devil, I love metal #

# Check this riff,
it's fucking tasty #

# I'm the Devil,
I can do what I want #

# Whatever I've got,
I'm gonna flaunt #

# There's never been
a rock-off that I've ever lost #

# I can't wait to take
Kage back to hell #

# I'm gonna fill him
with my hot demon's gel #

# I'll make you squeal
like the Scarlet Pimpernel #

# No! #

Come on, Kage!

Let's fight his music with our music.

# There's just no way
that we can win #

- # That was a masterpiece #
- Listen to me.

# He rocks too hard
because he's not a mortal man #

Goddamnit, Kage.

# He gonna make you
his sex slave #

# You gonna gargle mayonnaise #

- No.
-# Unless we bust #

# A massive monster mamojam #

# Dude, we've been
through so much shit #

# Deactivated lasers
with my dick #

# Now it's time
to blow this fucker down #

# Come on, Kage, now
it's time to blow doors down #

# I hear ya, Jables, now
it's time to blow doors down #

# Light up the stage 'cause
it's time for a showdown #

# We'll bend you over then we'll
take ya to brown town #

# Now we've got
to blow this fucker down #

# He's gonna rape me
if we do not blow doors down #

# C'mon, Kage 'cause it's time
to blow doors down #

# Ooooh we'll pile-drive ya,
it's time for the smack down #

# Hey, Antichrist-a, Beelzeboss #

# We know your weakness #

# Our rock it sauce #

# We rock the Casbah,
and blow your mind #

# We will defeat you
for all mankind #

# You hold the scepter,
we hold the key #

# You are the Devil,
we are the D #

# We are the D,
we are the D, we are the D #

# We are the D, we are the D,
we are the D, we are the D #

# We are the D,
we are the D, we are the D #

# We are the D, we are the D,
we are the D, we are the D #

# We are the D,
we are the D, we are the D #

You guys are fuckin' lame!

C'mon, Kage,
you're comin' with me.

Taste my lightning, fucker.

Nooo!

Ow!

Fuck! My fuckin' horn!

- Oh, no!
- From whence you came...

you shall remain,
until you are complete again!

Nooo!

Fuck you, Kage!

And fuck you, Jables.

I'll get you, Tenacious D!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

We did it, dude.

We beat the Devil.

With our rock.

Ha ha ha! So good.

Aaah, man, that was
a monster jam that we played.

Yeah. Yeah.

It was, like,
the greatest song in the world.

It was, wasn't it?

- How did it go?
- Um....

- I can't remember.
- Fuck. I can't either.

You know what? Let's just
lay down a fresh, tasty jam.

Good idea, rage Kage.

- Bust out the BOD.
- What?

The Bong of Destiny.

Good call.

Whoa.

Take it to the head, bitch.

Draws like a pencil.

Press record.

Ooooh!

- Ha ha ha!
- Yeah!

Now let's rock it.

One, two, three.

# 'Cause it's
the Pick of Destiny, child #

# You know we will be rockin'
'cause it's fuckin' insane #

# It's just the Pick of Destiny, child #

# More precious than
a diamond on a platinum chain #

# In Venice Beach
there was a man named Kage #

# When he was buskin'
he was all the rage #

# He met Jables
and he taught him well #

# All the techniques
that were developed in Hell #

# Cock push-ups
and the power slide #

# Gig simulation,
now there's nowhere to hide #

# They formed a band
they named Tenacious D #

# And then they got
the Pick of Destiny #

# 'Cause it's the Pick of Destiny, child #

# You know we will be rockin'
'cause it's fuckin' insane #

# It's just the Pick of Destiny, child #

# Our tasty grooves are better
than a chicken chow mein #

# 'Cause he who is sleazy
is easy to pleasey #

# And she who is juicy
must be loosey-goosey #

# And he who is groovy will
be in my movie so come on! #

# The wizard and the demon
had a battle royale #

# The demon almost killed him
with an evil kapow #

# But then it broke his tooth
and thus the demon said, "Ow!" #

# 'Cause it's the Pick of Destiny, child #

# You know we will be rockin'
'cause it's fuckin' insane #

# It's just the Pick of Destiny, child #

# You know our movie's
better than-a Citizen Kane #

# 'Cause he who's a geezer
must live in my freezer #

# And she who is snarky
is full of malarkey #

# And he who is groovy must
be in my movie so come on! #

# Oh, 'cause if you're a diva
then go to Geneva #

# And if you're a crony
then suck on my boney #

# And if you are groovy
then get in my movie #

# It's called the Pick of Destiny #

# The Pick of Destiny #

# The Pick of Destiny #

# You can't kill the metal #

# The metal will live on #

# Punk rock tried to kill the metal #

# But they failed as they
were smite to the ground #

# New wave tried to kill the metal #

# But they failed as they were
stricken down to the ground #

# Grunge tried to kill the metal #

Ah ha ha ha!

# They failed as they were
thrown to the ground #

# Aaaah! #

# Yeah! #

# Aaaah! #

# Yeah! #

# Diddle-iddle-iddle,
diddle-iddle-iddle, iddle-ay #

# No one can destroy the metal #

# The metal will strike you down
with a vicious blow #

# We are the vanquished foes of the metal #

# We tried to win,
for why we do not know #

# New wave
tried to destroy the metal #

# But the metal had its way #

# Grunge then tried to dethrone the metal #

# But metal was in the way #

# Punk rock tried to destroy the metal #

# But metal was much too strong #

# Techno tried to defile the metal #

# But techno was proven wrong, yeah! #

# Metal! #

# It comes from Hell! #

All right, man.

This is it.

Don't make a sound
unless it's a masterpiece.

Not a fuckin' sound.

Wait.

How will I know if it's a masterpiece?

You'll feel it.

And if you feel it,
just fuckin' lay it on me.

Aaah!

OK.

Thought I felt somethin'.

Let's hear that back.