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00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000
Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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00:00:02,190 --> 00:00:04,857
(hip hop music)
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00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000
Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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00:00:10,279 --> 00:00:12,946
(intense music)
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00:01:30,887 --> 00:01:32,716
♪ It's been a while ♪
6
00:01:32,716 --> 00:01:34,835
Man, I feel good today, Silent Bob,
7
00:01:34,835 --> 00:01:37,077
it's time to get back
to work as New Jersey's
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00:01:37,077 --> 00:01:39,936
number one unlicensed
gorilla weed merchants,
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00:01:39,936 --> 00:01:41,647
before all those bullshit legalised
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00:01:41,647 --> 00:01:43,316
dispensaries started opening.
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00:01:43,316 --> 00:01:45,697
Man, how the fuck do they
expect a pair of hapless
12
00:01:45,697 --> 00:01:47,476
motherfuckers like us to make a living
13
00:01:47,476 --> 00:01:49,297
in this new enlightened world?
14
00:01:49,297 --> 00:01:51,836
The selling days are over
for low-level suburban
15
00:01:51,836 --> 00:01:54,217
weed rackers like us, Lunchbox,
16
00:01:54,217 --> 00:01:55,708
so you and me, we're
gonna have to figure out
17
00:01:55,708 --> 00:01:57,676
a new line of work for ourselves.
18
00:01:57,676 --> 00:01:59,340
But we gotta start
thinking about the future.
19
00:01:59,340 --> 00:02:01,923
(upbeat music)
20
00:02:05,765 --> 00:02:07,003
But before we do that,
21
00:02:07,003 --> 00:02:11,495
how's about a little trip
to the past, fat ass?
22
00:02:11,495 --> 00:02:13,335
Yo, baby, ever have your asshole licked
23
00:02:13,335 --> 00:02:15,668
by a fat man in an overcoat?
24
00:02:16,684 --> 00:02:19,351
(intense music)
25
00:02:22,263 --> 00:02:25,263
(explosion booming)
26
00:02:34,980 --> 00:02:37,563
Now what the fuck is this shit?
27
00:02:39,729 --> 00:02:40,898
Hold your fucking horses,
28
00:02:40,898 --> 00:02:43,408
you bossy fuck, we're getting there.
29
00:02:43,408 --> 00:02:47,491
- I am the guardian of
this sector of the galaxy,
30
00:02:48,761 --> 00:02:52,809
I am an extraterrestrial
and fatally wounded,
31
00:02:52,809 --> 00:02:55,549
battling to save your planet
32
00:02:55,549 --> 00:02:58,966
from those who would seek to enslave you.
33
00:03:00,569 --> 00:03:04,736
You must take this ring,
become the new guardians,
34
00:03:06,281 --> 00:03:08,364
take up where I left off.
35
00:03:09,911 --> 00:03:12,078
You must be, you must be--
36
00:03:14,921 --> 00:03:16,421
- Be good, Elliot.
37
00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:21,620
Yo, that shit's from ET, son.
38
00:03:21,620 --> 00:03:24,203
(alien groans)
39
00:03:25,748 --> 00:03:30,248
- Heroes, save the fucking--
(groans)
40
00:03:31,675 --> 00:03:32,925
Touch my penis.
41
00:03:34,602 --> 00:03:38,852
Please, you must blow into
my penis for me to live.
42
00:03:40,513 --> 00:03:44,680
I'm begging you, blow into
my penis or I will die.
43
00:03:47,544 --> 00:03:50,555
Put it in your mouth, just the tip,
44
00:03:50,555 --> 00:03:54,526
if you put my penis in
your mouth, I shall live,
45
00:03:54,526 --> 00:03:56,443
if not, you are doomed.
46
00:03:57,757 --> 00:03:59,840
(groans)
47
00:04:01,187 --> 00:04:03,687
(alien farts)
48
00:04:08,414 --> 00:04:10,237
- Oh my god, it's dead, Silent Bob,
49
00:04:10,237 --> 00:04:12,821
fuckin' ew, I touched
a dead thing, ew, dude,
50
00:04:12,821 --> 00:04:14,630
ew, get it off!
51
00:04:14,630 --> 00:04:18,713
Get if off of me, get it
off of me, I'm corroded!
52
00:04:20,681 --> 00:04:22,161
(spits)
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00:04:22,161 --> 00:04:23,411
Ew, dude, fuck.
54
00:04:24,670 --> 00:04:28,371
I gotta wash this off,
dude, let's find a bathroom.
55
00:04:28,371 --> 00:04:31,333
Fuckin' weird dead guy
all touchin' me and shit.
56
00:04:31,333 --> 00:04:33,345
(upbeat music)
57
00:04:33,345 --> 00:04:35,011
Alright, there's a bathroom in here, yo,
58
00:04:35,011 --> 00:04:37,100
I just hope they let me
back in after last time,
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00:04:37,100 --> 00:04:39,361
you know, when I wrote my name
in poop on the stall wall,
60
00:04:39,361 --> 00:04:40,944
remember that shit?
61
00:04:48,809 --> 00:04:50,620
(water rushing)
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00:04:50,620 --> 00:04:53,243
Look, I swear, if that dead
guy gave me some disease,
63
00:04:53,243 --> 00:04:55,326
I'm gonna kill that fuck.
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00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:58,773
Oh, look at little balls here,
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00:04:58,773 --> 00:05:01,540
he's got public piss syndrome.
66
00:05:01,540 --> 00:05:03,192
Look, just go use the fuckin' stall toilet
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00:05:03,192 --> 00:05:04,495
like a little bitch, alright?
68
00:05:04,495 --> 00:05:06,059
I wanna get outta here sometime this week,
69
00:05:06,059 --> 00:05:07,892
you big girl's blouse.
70
00:05:22,138 --> 00:05:26,437
I can see your baby
junk, you big fat fuck.
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00:05:26,437 --> 00:05:27,270
What, dude?
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00:05:27,270 --> 00:05:28,770
I didn't write it.
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00:05:29,979 --> 00:05:31,468
Look, man, it ain't my fault word's out
74
00:05:31,468 --> 00:05:34,319
that you give good blowjobs, alright?
75
00:05:34,319 --> 00:05:35,652
Bong-schnoogans.
76
00:05:37,740 --> 00:05:39,079
Yo, let's piss on the roll of toilet paper
77
00:05:39,079 --> 00:05:41,917
so it blows up real fat like.
78
00:05:41,917 --> 00:05:44,584
(pee splashing)
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00:05:48,408 --> 00:05:51,991
Oh man, sounds like
something blew up, sir.
80
00:05:58,997 --> 00:06:00,499
(groaning)
81
00:06:00,499 --> 00:06:02,805
Whatever you did in here,
can you do it again?
82
00:06:02,805 --> 00:06:04,191
We missed it.
83
00:06:04,191 --> 00:06:06,659
- I was just here taking pictures
84
00:06:06,659 --> 00:06:09,497
and there was an explosion.
85
00:06:09,497 --> 00:06:11,820
- No shit, I was taking
a leak in the bathroom
86
00:06:11,820 --> 00:06:13,659
and the explosion made me miss the bowl
87
00:06:13,659 --> 00:06:17,839
and I hit the frickin' toilet paper roll.
88
00:06:17,839 --> 00:06:19,297
Are you a science guy like--
89
00:06:19,297 --> 00:06:20,431
- My name's Peter--
90
00:06:20,431 --> 00:06:22,599
- Whatever man, look, if
a dead guy touched me,
91
00:06:22,599 --> 00:06:24,948
can I catch somethin' from him?
92
00:06:24,948 --> 00:06:26,119
- Oh, I'm not sure, I--
93
00:06:26,119 --> 00:06:28,131
- You fuckin' science
guys are all alike, man.
94
00:06:28,131 --> 00:06:29,899
No fuckin' answers for nothin'.
95
00:06:29,899 --> 00:06:32,765
Never workin' on something
for the betterment of mankind
96
00:06:32,765 --> 00:06:35,655
like the flying fucking
car like on the Jetsons.
97
00:06:35,655 --> 00:06:38,791
Better yet, make a Rosie man,
like the kind that cleans
98
00:06:38,791 --> 00:06:41,081
the house and would call me Mr. Jay.
99
00:06:41,081 --> 00:06:43,414
(crunching)
100
00:06:45,140 --> 00:06:47,297
Yo this place gots bugs, sir.
101
00:06:47,297 --> 00:06:48,991
Let's get the fuck outa here,
102
00:06:48,991 --> 00:06:51,352
and small fry the science guy,
103
00:06:51,352 --> 00:06:53,957
get to work on that sex Rosie, would ya?
104
00:06:53,957 --> 00:06:57,374
Make sure you give her big fat lips, too.
105
00:06:58,843 --> 00:07:01,591
And programme her to do anal.
106
00:07:01,591 --> 00:07:03,812
Look man, I'm getting a
weird feeling Silent Bob,
107
00:07:03,812 --> 00:07:06,543
like the universe is tryin'
to tell us something, sir.
108
00:07:06,543 --> 00:07:08,151
You know, like we're
supposed to do something.
109
00:07:08,151 --> 00:07:09,357
Something important.
110
00:07:09,357 --> 00:07:10,671
Something heroic.
111
00:07:10,671 --> 00:07:13,389
One fuckin' side, Methuselah.
112
00:07:13,389 --> 00:07:14,700
Fuckin' old timers think they
113
00:07:14,700 --> 00:07:16,412
own the streets and shit, right?
114
00:07:16,412 --> 00:07:18,791
(horn blowing)
115
00:07:18,791 --> 00:07:21,541
(dramatic music)
116
00:07:28,243 --> 00:07:29,711
You little Ben Affleck fuck.
117
00:07:29,711 --> 00:07:32,378
Push me and Silent Bob, will ya?
118
00:07:38,136 --> 00:07:41,076
- Hey remember kids, mutant
turtles are from Earth,
119
00:07:41,076 --> 00:07:43,909
not from outer space, Michael Bay.
120
00:07:45,659 --> 00:07:47,909
(groaning)
121
00:07:50,087 --> 00:07:52,379
- Who do these punk kids
think they are, sir?
122
00:07:52,379 --> 00:07:54,707
Where's the respect for their elders,
123
00:07:54,707 --> 00:07:57,559
punk ass little bitch
tried to sucker punch us.
124
00:07:57,559 --> 00:07:59,290
That's the problem with this city, sir,
125
00:07:59,290 --> 00:08:01,236
crime is everywhere.
126
00:08:01,236 --> 00:08:04,559
What this burg needs is
a protector, or two even.
127
00:08:04,559 --> 00:08:05,953
Someone you know, someone
who will take back
128
00:08:05,953 --> 00:08:07,713
the night from the criminal element.
129
00:08:07,713 --> 00:08:11,087
You know, someone like,
hey look at this shit!
130
00:08:11,087 --> 00:08:14,256
- [Man] Voluntary Drug
Testing, help out Uncle Sam
131
00:08:14,256 --> 00:08:17,093
in his never ending battle
against the kaiser by signing up
132
00:08:17,093 --> 00:08:19,576
for the testing of a new drug that may aid
133
00:08:19,576 --> 00:08:23,113
in the war against this nation's enemies.
134
00:08:23,113 --> 00:08:25,946
All volunteers get a free $5 bill.
135
00:08:26,945 --> 00:08:28,516
- Holy shit, Silent Bob.
136
00:08:28,516 --> 00:08:31,336
You know what this means, don't you?
137
00:08:31,336 --> 00:08:32,253
Free drugs.
138
00:08:36,992 --> 00:08:37,825
Yeah, boy.
139
00:08:42,923 --> 00:08:45,406
- After our rigorous elimination trials,
140
00:08:45,406 --> 00:08:49,254
these two patriotic gentlemen
have emerged as the prime
141
00:08:49,254 --> 00:08:54,254
candidates for the testing of
our new super solider serum.
142
00:08:54,543 --> 00:08:58,323
- Son, I cannot tell you how
proud we all are of you boys.
143
00:08:58,323 --> 00:09:00,195
You're doin' a great thing here today.
144
00:09:00,195 --> 00:09:01,772
A great thing.
145
00:09:01,772 --> 00:09:04,992
If the Doc's serum works as
good as he's explain it will,
146
00:09:04,992 --> 00:09:06,723
we'll suit you up in a costume,
147
00:09:06,723 --> 00:09:10,275
give you an impenetrable shield
made of the toughest element
148
00:09:10,275 --> 00:09:12,323
known to man, and send you out
149
00:09:12,323 --> 00:09:14,983
to fight this nation's enemies.
150
00:09:14,983 --> 00:09:16,414
- Did you hear that, Silent Bob?
151
00:09:16,414 --> 00:09:18,374
We're getting shields.
152
00:09:18,374 --> 00:09:21,034
- All right, gentlemen,
if you'll just lie down
153
00:09:21,034 --> 00:09:23,383
on the table we can
proceed with the injection
154
00:09:23,383 --> 00:09:25,633
of the super soldier serum.
155
00:09:26,915 --> 00:09:29,212
- Wait a minute, wait a minute, injection?
156
00:09:29,212 --> 00:09:31,172
Dude we don't skin pop sir.
157
00:09:31,172 --> 00:09:33,915
What do we look like, some
fuckin' junkies or something?
158
00:09:33,915 --> 00:09:35,895
- But, how else did
you think we were going
159
00:09:35,895 --> 00:09:39,460
to get the serum into your blood streams.
160
00:09:39,460 --> 00:09:42,806
- We thought we were gonna
smoke it like weed and shit.
161
00:09:42,806 --> 00:09:45,452
- Oh, well the compound is too volatile
162
00:09:45,452 --> 00:09:47,743
for anything other than injection.
163
00:09:47,743 --> 00:09:49,526
Igniting it would be lethal.
164
00:09:49,526 --> 00:09:52,536
I'm afraid it's the injection or nothing.
165
00:09:52,536 --> 00:09:54,272
- Well look then, it's
fucking nothin' man.
166
00:09:54,272 --> 00:09:57,622
No needles or glass pipes, sir.
167
00:09:57,622 --> 00:10:01,579
- Oh, but you're both
already severe drug abusers.
168
00:10:01,579 --> 00:10:02,979
- Look, we're stoners man.
169
00:10:02,979 --> 00:10:04,851
We get lit, we don't shoot shit.
170
00:10:04,851 --> 00:10:07,184
There's a subtle difference.
171
00:10:09,903 --> 00:10:12,844
Losers are users and users are losers man.
172
00:10:12,844 --> 00:10:14,403
We just sayin' no yo.
173
00:10:14,403 --> 00:10:17,653
Later for you, you fuckin' dope fiends.
174
00:10:20,003 --> 00:10:22,003
And where's our free $5?
175
00:10:25,648 --> 00:10:27,283
Look at you man, I
can't believe you wasted
176
00:10:27,283 --> 00:10:30,376
your free five bucks
on scratch off tickets.
177
00:10:30,376 --> 00:10:33,685
Man, why didn't you buy something
useful you dumb fat fuck.
178
00:10:33,685 --> 00:10:36,655
Like me, look, I bought
smokes, papers and a soda.
179
00:10:36,655 --> 00:10:38,673
We coulda doubled that
order if you didn't waste
180
00:10:38,673 --> 00:10:42,085
your green backs on that
pie in the sky bullshit.
181
00:10:42,085 --> 00:10:44,273
(dramatic music)
182
00:10:44,273 --> 00:10:46,523
(belching)
183
00:10:49,733 --> 00:10:50,625
What now man?
184
00:10:50,625 --> 00:10:51,847
Fuck you if you think I'm gonna apologise
185
00:10:51,847 --> 00:10:53,705
for calling you a fat fuck.
186
00:10:53,705 --> 00:10:57,116
You've been bulging outa
that coat lately man.
187
00:10:57,116 --> 00:10:58,413
What, this?
188
00:10:58,413 --> 00:11:00,996
Winner, winner, chicken dinner.
189
00:11:03,896 --> 00:11:06,276
Oh my God dude, we're rich.
190
00:11:06,276 --> 00:11:08,739
Woo hoo, we are rich.
191
00:11:08,739 --> 00:11:09,858
- Hey!
192
00:11:09,858 --> 00:11:11,647
- Dude, I know just what we can do
193
00:11:11,647 --> 00:11:13,150
with all this fat cash, yo.
194
00:11:13,150 --> 00:11:15,125
A dream, we'd never been able to realise
195
00:11:15,125 --> 00:11:17,560
if we hadn't wont his cash just now.
196
00:11:17,560 --> 00:11:19,727
Let's become super heroes.
197
00:11:22,670 --> 00:11:24,280
First we'll need a secret base.
198
00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:26,627
You know, a big ass hole in
the ground where we can change
199
00:11:26,627 --> 00:11:29,039
into our outfits and plot
out various super heroics
200
00:11:29,039 --> 00:11:32,610
against a fucking criminal element.
201
00:11:32,610 --> 00:11:35,550
And once we've fashioned a
secret entrance we're gonna need
202
00:11:35,550 --> 00:11:39,890
a sweet ass, specially designed
mother fucker of a car with
203
00:11:39,890 --> 00:11:42,810
trick buttons, gadgets,
and a kickin' sound system.
204
00:11:42,810 --> 00:11:45,027
(explosion booming)
205
00:11:45,027 --> 00:11:47,127
Then, you can cook up
some of those doohickeys
206
00:11:47,127 --> 00:11:50,849
we can use in our two man war on crime.
207
00:11:50,849 --> 00:11:53,099
Especially the blunt sabre.
208
00:11:54,749 --> 00:11:56,832
Turn it off, turn it off.
209
00:12:00,413 --> 00:12:04,262
- I am not even supposed to be here today.
210
00:12:04,262 --> 00:12:07,845
- We gotta work on the
height problem, sir.
211
00:12:08,813 --> 00:12:12,593
Now that we're done with all
that shit, we just need a name.
212
00:12:12,593 --> 00:12:14,501
You know, somethin' we can
use to strike fear into
213
00:12:14,501 --> 00:12:17,110
the criminal hearts of our enemies.
214
00:12:17,110 --> 00:12:21,610
Criminals are cowardly and
super st, they're super st,
215
00:12:22,621 --> 00:12:24,773
you know criminals are
fuckin' pussies, man.
216
00:12:24,773 --> 00:12:26,721
We need costumes and a schtick
217
00:12:26,721 --> 00:12:29,433
that'll scare the fuck outa 'em, sir.
218
00:12:29,433 --> 00:12:30,266
But what?
219
00:12:32,881 --> 00:12:35,881
(window shattering)
220
00:12:37,328 --> 00:12:39,578
(coughing)
221
00:12:44,487 --> 00:12:46,320
I've got it, lunchbox.
222
00:12:50,964 --> 00:12:54,714
Now we just need some
fuckin' super villains.
223
00:12:58,855 --> 00:12:59,938
Oh snap, son.
224
00:13:07,171 --> 00:13:10,163
Imagine if suddenly some pimped
out mother fuckers like me
225
00:13:10,163 --> 00:13:12,469
and you were to bust in
through the window and say,
226
00:13:12,469 --> 00:13:15,431
hi, I notice there's not
fat set of nuts around here,
227
00:13:15,431 --> 00:13:17,789
and at that point they're so horned up
228
00:13:17,789 --> 00:13:21,503
they can't refuse even a
portly fuck like yourself.
229
00:13:21,503 --> 00:13:24,700
That's why this super hero
gig is so fuckin' sweet sir.
230
00:13:24,700 --> 00:13:27,574
We can run around on rooftops
peepin' in on the women,
231
00:13:27,574 --> 00:13:30,691
nobody says dick 'cause
of these spiffy suits.
232
00:13:30,691 --> 00:13:34,294
I mean, everybody knows
that all any man hater needs
233
00:13:34,294 --> 00:13:38,700
is the right guy to remind her
how essential a steady diet
234
00:13:38,700 --> 00:13:41,640
of big-ass balls is to
a growing girl, right?
235
00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:43,571
(chuckling)
236
00:13:43,571 --> 00:13:45,559
- Kids, screen writing,
Kevin Smith to remind you
237
00:13:45,559 --> 00:13:48,205
that ain't me talkin' stupid shit.
238
00:13:48,205 --> 00:13:51,021
That's the character Jay
espousing his own dopey,
239
00:13:51,021 --> 00:13:53,143
unenlightened views and
that doesn't represent
240
00:13:53,143 --> 00:13:55,751
how I feel about lesbians at all.
241
00:13:55,751 --> 00:13:58,551
In fact, if anything, I
identify with lesbians.
242
00:13:58,551 --> 00:14:01,854
I too love the pussy, and like a lesbian,
243
00:14:01,854 --> 00:14:04,011
I have no dick to speak of.
244
00:14:04,011 --> 00:14:07,791
So in short, I'm here,
I'm queer, get used to it.
245
00:14:07,791 --> 00:14:11,124
And now back to the great space coaster.
246
00:14:12,043 --> 00:14:14,395
- [Man] It's Jay and Silent Bill ya jerk.
247
00:14:14,395 --> 00:14:17,554
- Sorry, back to Jay and
Silly Bob super loony,
248
00:14:17,554 --> 00:14:19,054
whatever the fuck.
249
00:14:20,391 --> 00:14:23,191
- Well look at us, Lunchbox,
if we ain't the right guys,
250
00:14:23,191 --> 00:14:24,941
then who the fuck is?
251
00:14:27,849 --> 00:14:30,016
(moaning)
252
00:14:31,087 --> 00:14:32,664
all right, the lines secure.
253
00:14:32,664 --> 00:14:34,955
When I get over there I'll
throw the shit back for you,
254
00:14:34,955 --> 00:14:37,951
Lunchbox, and you swing
your fat ass over too.
255
00:14:37,951 --> 00:14:42,534
Then we can get in there and
watch a little ass to ass.
256
00:14:43,756 --> 00:14:46,333
Between them you fuckin'
felture, not between us.
257
00:14:46,333 --> 00:14:47,504
Ew, dude.
258
00:14:47,504 --> 00:14:49,655
You thought I meant I
wanted to ride tandem
259
00:14:49,655 --> 00:14:51,933
with your blubbery ass on a double dong.
260
00:14:51,933 --> 00:14:55,322
All requiem for a dream
and shit, didn't you?
261
00:14:55,322 --> 00:14:56,865
I bet your shit even got a little hard
262
00:14:56,865 --> 00:14:58,825
thinkin' about it, didn't it?
263
00:14:58,825 --> 00:15:01,575
(dramatic music)
264
00:15:04,677 --> 00:15:06,285
♪ I'm gonna get some pussy ♪
265
00:15:06,285 --> 00:15:08,611
♪ I'm gonna get some pussy ♪
266
00:15:08,611 --> 00:15:12,217
♪ I'm gonna get some pu-- ♪
267
00:15:12,217 --> 00:15:14,467
(shouting)
268
00:15:15,903 --> 00:15:17,929
(gun banging)
269
00:15:17,929 --> 00:15:19,211
- Everybody down.
270
00:15:19,211 --> 00:15:21,544
(screaming)
271
00:15:22,743 --> 00:15:27,743
- Will no one put an end to
this villains antisocial antics?
272
00:15:27,803 --> 00:15:30,303
- Holy shit, talk about irony.
273
00:15:35,834 --> 00:15:37,809
- Who are you guys?
274
00:15:37,809 --> 00:15:38,951
- Who us?
275
00:15:38,951 --> 00:15:40,664
Look, well he's Bluntman and I'm--
276
00:15:40,664 --> 00:15:42,849
- The Bluntman saved us
from that bank robber.
277
00:15:42,849 --> 00:15:45,682
Hail Bluntman, saviour of the city.
278
00:15:46,754 --> 00:15:48,363
Hey man, now wait a second.
279
00:15:48,363 --> 00:15:50,812
Bluntman didn't knock that
mother fucker out, all right?
280
00:15:50,812 --> 00:15:52,153
This thing did.
281
00:15:52,153 --> 00:15:53,833
The rope and dildo thingy.
282
00:15:53,833 --> 00:15:57,053
- [All] Hooray for Bluntman,
he fell down that mother fucker
283
00:15:57,053 --> 00:16:00,081
with the blunt rope and dildo thing.
284
00:16:00,081 --> 00:16:02,531
- [Photographer] Okay
little girl, say cheese.
285
00:16:02,531 --> 00:16:06,540
- Sweet mother of Jesus, why
does he get all the credit.
286
00:16:06,540 --> 00:16:09,265
What about me, Chronic?
287
00:16:09,265 --> 00:16:13,348
- You're obviously just
his sidekick, little kid.
288
00:16:14,786 --> 00:16:17,669
- Why the fuck do you
think I'm his sidekick?
289
00:16:17,669 --> 00:16:21,515
How do you know he's not my sidekick?
290
00:16:21,515 --> 00:16:23,909
Well, besides the hat?
291
00:16:23,909 --> 00:16:26,659
(dramatic music)
292
00:16:35,723 --> 00:16:37,909
♪ This town is full of savages ♪
293
00:16:37,909 --> 00:16:41,306
♪ With their fuckin' gun control ♪
294
00:16:41,306 --> 00:16:43,985
♪ I gotta rip their heads off ♪
295
00:16:43,985 --> 00:16:47,065
♪ And take their fuckin' soul ♪
296
00:16:47,065 --> 00:16:49,916
♪ Bluntman and Chronic, like
that one time at the mall ♪
297
00:16:49,916 --> 00:16:52,609
♪ Bluntman and Chronic, faster
than Walt Flanagan's dog ♪
298
00:16:52,609 --> 00:16:55,465
♪ Bluntman and Chronic, got
the gadgets and the puns ♪
299
00:16:55,465 --> 00:16:58,367
♪ Bluntman and Chronic, in their
hands they'll spark a blunt ♪
300
00:16:58,367 --> 00:17:01,149
♪ Bluntman and Chronic, mother
fuckers get get fuck out ♪
301
00:17:01,149 --> 00:17:04,229
♪ Bluntman and Chronic, save
the day now bring the jugs out ♪
302
00:17:04,229 --> 00:17:06,908
♪ Bluntman and Chronic, in
the shadows kickin' booty ♪
303
00:17:06,908 --> 00:17:10,025
♪ Bluntman and Chronic, eating
sausage, saving and cuties ♪
304
00:17:10,025 --> 00:17:12,876
♪ Bluntman and Chronic, will
these criminals never cease ♪
305
00:17:12,876 --> 00:17:16,584
♪ Bluntman and Chronic,
on the headset peice ♪
306
00:17:16,584 --> 00:17:17,496
♪ Ladies want the Blunt ♪
307
00:17:17,496 --> 00:17:18,653
♪ 'Cause they like they
like the stretchy cap ♪
308
00:17:18,653 --> 00:17:21,705
♪ Chronic, just you wanna,
wears a bonnet, gets a slap ♪
309
00:17:21,705 --> 00:17:24,902
♪ Whoa ♪
310
00:17:24,902 --> 00:17:27,422
♪ Whoa ♪
311
00:17:27,422 --> 00:17:30,288
♪ Whoa ♪
312
00:17:30,288 --> 00:17:33,022
♪ Whoa ♪
313
00:17:33,022 --> 00:17:35,729
♪ It was on the Jersey Shore
on a local loading dock ♪
314
00:17:35,729 --> 00:17:38,743
♪ When the duo was besieged
by robots holding cocks ♪
315
00:17:38,743 --> 00:17:40,372
♪ Waste the dollars what you spend ♪
316
00:17:40,372 --> 00:17:41,716
♪ On your army of angry androids ♪
317
00:17:41,716 --> 00:17:43,345
♪ They'll fuckin' kill all this fucks ♪
318
00:17:43,345 --> 00:17:44,623
♪ Like it's just at truck of fan boys ♪
319
00:17:44,623 --> 00:17:47,321
♪ Another battle overran,
another war is won ♪
320
00:17:47,321 --> 00:17:50,345
♪ If they start feelin' sober
just hand over all your blunts ♪
321
00:17:50,345 --> 00:17:53,303
♪ Bluntman and the Chronic like
to chill out after winnin' ♪
322
00:17:53,303 --> 00:17:54,652
♪ Let their fuckin' balls hang ♪
323
00:17:54,652 --> 00:17:56,225
♪ Smoke a spliff and get to grinnin' ♪
324
00:17:56,225 --> 00:17:58,343
♪ Villains think they're ill
and while we're chillin' ♪
325
00:17:58,343 --> 00:17:59,252
♪ So please fuck off ♪
326
00:17:59,252 --> 00:18:00,532
♪ You think your mask is badass ♪
327
00:18:00,532 --> 00:18:01,913
♪ Are you chokin' on a cough drop ♪
328
00:18:01,913 --> 00:18:04,541
♪ If you try to fuck us up we'll
just let you know you suck ♪
329
00:18:04,541 --> 00:18:06,253
♪ You talk just like a butt ♪
330
00:18:06,253 --> 00:18:08,092
♪ You're not scary, just say what ♪
331
00:18:08,092 --> 00:18:10,645
♪ Bluntman, Bluntman and Chronic ♪
332
00:18:10,645 --> 00:18:13,478
♪ Bluntman, Bluntman and Chronic ♪
333
00:18:13,478 --> 00:18:16,385
♪ Bluntman, Bluntman and Chronic ♪
334
00:18:16,385 --> 00:18:19,273
♪ Bluntman, Bluntman and Chronic ♪
335
00:18:19,273 --> 00:18:22,213
♪ Bluntman, Bluntman and Chronic ♪
336
00:18:22,213 --> 00:18:25,308
♪ Bluntman, Bluntman and Chronic ♪
337
00:18:25,308 --> 00:18:28,340
♪ Bluntman, Bluntman and Chronic ♪
338
00:18:28,340 --> 00:18:30,310
♪ Bluntman ♪
339
00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:32,060
- To the blunt poles.
340
00:18:34,734 --> 00:18:36,984
(thudding)
341
00:18:48,978 --> 00:18:52,349
- Masters Jay and Bob, the
blunt signals been ignited.
342
00:18:52,349 --> 00:18:54,033
- No shit, Sherlock.
343
00:18:54,033 --> 00:18:56,954
- Well, that means there's
trouble in Red Bank.
344
00:18:56,954 --> 00:18:59,022
- Wait, why the fuck do
you think we're down here?
345
00:18:59,022 --> 00:19:00,682
We're hiding out, dumb ass.
346
00:19:00,682 --> 00:19:03,450
Look, we're too tired to
fight bad guys tonight.
347
00:19:03,450 --> 00:19:06,562
- As the sworn protectors
of the Tri-Town area,
348
00:19:06,562 --> 00:19:10,642
I believe suiting up
would be in order, sirs.
349
00:19:10,642 --> 00:19:12,074
- Fuck you, you wanna save
350
00:19:12,074 --> 00:19:14,628
the town from some
fuckin' Halloween costume?
351
00:19:14,628 --> 00:19:16,362
You put on the tights,
352
00:19:16,362 --> 00:19:18,822
but get me a soda before
you leave, all right?
353
00:19:18,822 --> 00:19:21,989
And order us a pizza, you butler fuck.
354
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:27,043
- Put on your fucking
costumes and get out there.
355
00:19:29,228 --> 00:19:30,885
Fucking kids.
356
00:19:30,885 --> 00:19:33,635
(dramatic music)
357
00:19:35,084 --> 00:19:37,251
(farting)
358
00:19:41,823 --> 00:19:44,096
- Oh what, it's for the ladies.
359
00:19:44,096 --> 00:19:46,846
You got your costume, I got mine.
360
00:19:47,843 --> 00:19:50,593
(dramatic music)
361
00:19:56,051 --> 00:19:56,884
Nooch!
362
00:20:06,831 --> 00:20:08,759
- Welcome everyone to the Thursday
363
00:20:08,759 --> 00:20:11,256
night group therapy session.
364
00:20:11,256 --> 00:20:14,506
What would we like to talk about first?
365
00:20:15,423 --> 00:20:16,911
- Bluntman and Chronic.
366
00:20:16,911 --> 00:20:18,699
- Bluntman and Chronic, yeah.
367
00:20:18,699 --> 00:20:23,632
- Bluntman and that bitch
ass mother fucker, Chronic.
368
00:20:23,632 --> 00:20:25,712
- Hey kids, trustworthy Kev Smith here.
369
00:20:25,712 --> 00:20:27,444
Right about now I know
you're all expectin'
370
00:20:27,444 --> 00:20:30,332
to hear Mark Hamills voice
and that woulda been awesome.
371
00:20:30,332 --> 00:20:33,044
But this here is a Kevin Smith
joint, a cartoon from the guy
372
00:20:33,044 --> 00:20:36,512
who made Jersey Girl and Cop
Out, that means you gotta
373
00:20:36,512 --> 00:20:38,700
expect some kinda level of disappointment.
374
00:20:38,700 --> 00:20:40,552
Just like being in bed with me man,
375
00:20:40,552 --> 00:20:43,017
I start strong and I finish weak.
376
00:20:43,017 --> 00:20:45,280
End in tears, and sometimes I'm wearin'
377
00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:47,343
a dress and a butt plug.
378
00:20:47,343 --> 00:20:49,793
But I'd rather light a candle
than curse the darkness.
379
00:20:49,793 --> 00:20:52,192
So, as is the late motif
of my entire career,
380
00:20:52,192 --> 00:20:54,604
I'm turning disappointment
into opportunity,
381
00:20:54,604 --> 00:20:56,620
which means that an effort to reach out
382
00:20:56,620 --> 00:20:58,543
to the ever burgeoning Broney market,
383
00:20:58,543 --> 00:21:00,732
and Jay and Silent Bob
Super Groovy Cartoon Movie,
384
00:21:00,732 --> 00:21:04,492
the roll of Cocknocker will be
voiced by non other than that
385
00:21:04,492 --> 00:21:07,680
girl of 1,000 voices, the little
lady who'll put the sparkle
386
00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:12,597
into any twilight and the power
into any puff, Tara Strong.
387
00:21:14,993 --> 00:21:16,910
- Bluntman and Chronic.
388
00:21:19,140 --> 00:21:20,681
- Not again.
389
00:21:20,681 --> 00:21:22,026
Fine.
390
00:21:22,026 --> 00:21:24,933
We'll talk about Bluntman and Chronic.
391
00:21:24,933 --> 00:21:26,389
Who would like to start?
392
00:21:26,389 --> 00:21:28,240
- Oh, oh, pick me, Doc.
393
00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:29,240
Pick me, ah.
394
00:21:30,500 --> 00:21:31,620
- Richard.
395
00:21:31,620 --> 00:21:33,440
- Nobody calls me that anymore, Doc.
396
00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:36,133
Not since Bluntman and
Chronic made the oversized
397
00:21:36,133 --> 00:21:39,160
circumcised scoundrel I am today.
398
00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:41,827
The name's Dick Head, Dick Head.
399
00:21:43,189 --> 00:21:45,485
- Now look what you've done.
400
00:21:45,485 --> 00:21:46,917
Clean it up, Richard.
401
00:21:46,917 --> 00:21:47,897
- Sorry, Doc.
402
00:21:47,897 --> 00:21:50,716
I guess old Dick Head blew his top, huh?
403
00:21:50,716 --> 00:21:53,185
- What have I been telling
you for weeks now, Richard?
404
00:21:53,185 --> 00:21:56,176
If we think of ourselves as Dick Head,
405
00:21:56,176 --> 00:22:00,129
then the road to rehabilitation
is twice as treacherous.
406
00:22:00,129 --> 00:22:03,383
We must divorce ourselves
from our nod to crime
407
00:22:03,383 --> 00:22:06,130
and work toward a better tomorrow.
408
00:22:06,130 --> 00:22:09,266
Now, you were saying you blame Hempknight
409
00:22:09,266 --> 00:22:12,010
and his young ward for your life in crime.
410
00:22:12,010 --> 00:22:13,658
- If it weren't for those two do-gooders,
411
00:22:13,658 --> 00:22:16,966
I wouldn't be the bulbous
boner you see before you today.
412
00:22:16,966 --> 00:22:19,150
- Take us back then, Richard.
413
00:22:19,150 --> 00:22:21,650
Help us and you to understand.
414
00:22:23,946 --> 00:22:26,186
- [Richard] I guess it all
started when I was born.
415
00:22:26,186 --> 00:22:28,103
- Push Mrs. Head, push.
416
00:22:28,987 --> 00:22:31,123
Here we go, the baby's crowning.
417
00:22:31,123 --> 00:22:32,824
And it's out.
418
00:22:32,824 --> 00:22:34,555
Congratulations Mr. And Mrs. Head
419
00:22:34,555 --> 00:22:37,676
you've got yourselves a baby girl.
420
00:22:37,676 --> 00:22:40,126
- [Richard] But the doctor
was off by a gender.
421
00:22:40,126 --> 00:22:42,170
If the doctor would've checked closer
422
00:22:42,170 --> 00:22:45,567
he would've noticed I was all man.
423
00:22:45,567 --> 00:22:48,386
I was able to keep my tiny
shame a secret for decades,
424
00:22:48,386 --> 00:22:49,926
but when I went to high school,
425
00:22:49,926 --> 00:22:51,639
the mean boys made shower time
426
00:22:51,639 --> 00:22:54,139
I burden I could barely carry.
427
00:22:55,298 --> 00:22:57,850
- Look at him, cock's
the size of a raisin.
428
00:22:57,850 --> 00:23:01,210
- He's so puny, he looks like woman.
429
00:23:01,210 --> 00:23:04,799
- Yeah, that ain't no
dick, that's a pussy.
430
00:23:04,799 --> 00:23:08,116
- [All] Plug it up,
plug it up, plug it up.
431
00:23:08,116 --> 00:23:09,885
- I was faced with that same
432
00:23:09,885 --> 00:23:13,105
type of cruelty after every gym class.
433
00:23:13,105 --> 00:23:15,084
When I couldn't stand
being the laughing stock
434
00:23:15,084 --> 00:23:19,004
of the school any longer, I dropped out.
435
00:23:19,004 --> 00:23:21,211
What followed was a series of menial jobs.
436
00:23:21,211 --> 00:23:23,991
You wan to bovine size those fries?
437
00:23:23,991 --> 00:23:25,477
It was spirit crushing work
438
00:23:25,477 --> 00:23:28,557
that reminded me that big
dicks get all the breaks.
439
00:23:28,557 --> 00:23:32,112
Yes, I am licking your balls, hard.
440
00:23:32,112 --> 00:23:34,371
I'd accepted the fact
that my life was destined
441
00:23:34,371 --> 00:23:36,835
to be as small as my wiener.
442
00:23:36,835 --> 00:23:39,075
(moaning)
443
00:23:39,075 --> 00:23:40,037
Huh?
444
00:23:40,037 --> 00:23:44,870
And that's when I saw the ad
that would change me forever.
445
00:23:46,584 --> 00:23:48,607
- [Woman] Soups on.
446
00:23:48,607 --> 00:23:51,916
- [Woman] With a prick that
huge, he's gotta be smart.
447
00:23:51,916 --> 00:23:53,438
- [Woman] Marry me.
448
00:23:53,438 --> 00:23:55,365
- [Man] Guys, do you
want that massive manhood
449
00:23:55,365 --> 00:23:57,605
only seen in porno's and on gay webpages?
450
00:23:57,605 --> 00:24:00,036
Then take GIAGRA, the
chemically safe route
451
00:24:00,036 --> 00:24:02,309
to penis enlargement that
has the FDA so amazed they
452
00:24:02,309 --> 00:24:04,269
haven't scooped their jaws off the floor
453
00:24:04,269 --> 00:24:06,265
long enough to give it it's approval.
454
00:24:06,265 --> 00:24:08,682
Call now, 1-800-BIG-ASS-COCK.
455
00:24:09,538 --> 00:24:13,038
Final O, C, and K not
necessary for dialling.
456
00:24:13,038 --> 00:24:15,364
Sexy operators are standing by.
457
00:24:15,364 --> 00:24:18,844
- [Richard] It seemed like
the answers to all my prayers.
458
00:24:18,844 --> 00:24:21,736
The directions said to
drink a quarter ounce a day.
459
00:24:21,736 --> 00:24:26,337
But I figured in my case
the directions didn't apply.
460
00:24:26,337 --> 00:24:27,528
(screaming)
461
00:24:27,528 --> 00:24:32,216
Suddenly, something happened
and that something was nothing.
462
00:24:32,216 --> 00:24:34,262
Even after downing the whole bottle,
463
00:24:34,262 --> 00:24:36,609
my little man had grown no taller.
464
00:24:36,609 --> 00:24:38,620
Sure, I was suffering
from heart palpitation
465
00:24:38,620 --> 00:24:42,489
and my vision was a bit blurry,
but aside from that, zip.
466
00:24:42,489 --> 00:24:44,622
No results what so ever.
467
00:24:44,622 --> 00:24:46,915
Then it hit me, I knew what was wrong.
468
00:24:46,915 --> 00:24:49,368
I didn't drink enough.
469
00:24:49,368 --> 00:24:51,276
I called the company to re-order
470
00:24:51,276 --> 00:24:54,128
but all I got was a message.
471
00:24:54,128 --> 00:24:56,287
- [Man] Thank you for calling
Dopeco, home of GIAGRA.
472
00:24:56,287 --> 00:24:58,495
Unfortunately the FDA has
raised a number of issues about
473
00:24:58,495 --> 00:25:00,016
the questionable nature
of our wonder drug,
474
00:25:00,016 --> 00:25:02,063
so we're closed pending
further investigation.
475
00:25:02,063 --> 00:25:03,203
Good bye.
476
00:25:03,203 --> 00:25:04,267
- [Richard] I didn't know what to do.
477
00:25:04,267 --> 00:25:07,314
I'd found the cure for
my unfortunate condition,
478
00:25:07,314 --> 00:25:10,763
but the government was conspiring
against me and my teeny
479
00:25:10,763 --> 00:25:15,763
weeny peeny, so I decided to
take matters into my own hands.
480
00:25:17,516 --> 00:25:19,438
I would not be denied.
481
00:25:19,438 --> 00:25:22,747
I was like a modern day Ponce de Leon,
482
00:25:22,747 --> 00:25:25,355
and I'd found my fountain of youth.
483
00:25:25,355 --> 00:25:27,754
But just as I was preparing
to ingest as much GIAGRA
484
00:25:27,754 --> 00:25:32,337
as it would take to enlarge
my fortune, they showed up.
485
00:25:34,032 --> 00:25:39,032
Their arrival spelled the
end of my life as I know it.
486
00:25:39,071 --> 00:25:40,910
- Do you hear something?
487
00:25:40,910 --> 00:25:42,394
Nah, me neither.
488
00:25:42,394 --> 00:25:45,983
Now let's find this
shit and get outa here.
489
00:25:45,983 --> 00:25:47,854
Oh what, just 'cause we're
fuckin' super heroes,
490
00:25:47,854 --> 00:25:51,531
now we're supposed to obey every law?
491
00:25:51,531 --> 00:25:56,502
Yo, this ad says that GIAGRA
shit makes your dick huge, sir.
492
00:25:56,502 --> 00:25:58,858
How am I supposed to pass that up?
493
00:25:58,858 --> 00:26:00,818
Yeah, not like I need this stuff.
494
00:26:00,818 --> 00:26:02,746
I mean, I've got a babies arm holding
495
00:26:02,746 --> 00:26:04,772
an apple between my legs.
496
00:26:04,772 --> 00:26:06,054
You know what I'm sayin'?
497
00:26:06,054 --> 00:26:09,549
It's just that it can
never be too big, you know?
498
00:26:09,549 --> 00:26:11,549
For the ladies and shit.
499
00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:15,709
And why the hell should
I pay for it like some
500
00:26:15,709 --> 00:26:19,592
no dick weenie when I can
bust in here vigilante style
501
00:26:19,592 --> 00:26:22,112
and grab a little taste for myself.
502
00:26:22,112 --> 00:26:23,760
Besides, it's not like anyone
503
00:26:23,760 --> 00:26:26,349
is gonna ever know we were here.
504
00:26:26,349 --> 00:26:29,330
(explosion booming)
505
00:26:29,330 --> 00:26:30,497
What the fuck!
506
00:26:31,428 --> 00:26:32,797
Holy shit.
507
00:26:32,797 --> 00:26:35,715
(groaning)
508
00:26:35,715 --> 00:26:37,977
See, I told you that stuff works.
509
00:26:37,977 --> 00:26:39,289
- You did this to me.
510
00:26:39,289 --> 00:26:42,626
You made me the monstrosity
that now stand before you.
511
00:26:42,626 --> 00:26:46,200
As God as my witness,
I will have my revenge,
512
00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:49,117
as your new sworn enemy, Dick Head.
513
00:26:50,903 --> 00:26:53,087
- You think he was talkin' to us?
514
00:26:53,087 --> 00:26:55,696
- And ever since then, I've
spent every waking hour
515
00:26:55,696 --> 00:26:58,706
trying to destroy Bluntman and Chronic.
516
00:26:58,706 --> 00:27:00,755
- Uh, if I received that story
in a humorous blind copied
517
00:27:00,755 --> 00:27:03,742
email I still wouldn't believe it.
518
00:27:03,742 --> 00:27:05,146
It's ridiculous.
519
00:27:05,146 --> 00:27:06,495
- Oh yeah, nerd turd?
520
00:27:06,495 --> 00:27:08,646
Let's hear your sorry story.
521
00:27:08,646 --> 00:27:11,567
- Fine, get outa my
face, I'll consider it.
522
00:27:11,567 --> 00:27:16,567
But I guarantee this one thing,
it will put a on your faces.
523
00:27:16,746 --> 00:27:18,706
- Now newsgroup, what have I told you
524
00:27:18,706 --> 00:27:20,807
about speaking in emoticons?
525
00:27:20,807 --> 00:27:22,767
Is that how we rehabilitate ourselves?
526
00:27:22,767 --> 00:27:23,799
- Sorry, Doc, relax.
527
00:27:23,799 --> 00:27:25,846
Old habits are hard to
break, it's just a emoticon,
528
00:27:25,846 --> 00:27:28,139
it's not a crack habit, okay?
529
00:27:28,139 --> 00:27:29,627
See, I've always loved comics.
530
00:27:29,627 --> 00:27:32,147
Back in the day the adventures
of heroes and villains
531
00:27:32,147 --> 00:27:34,892
dressed in gaudy costumes,
they were my only relief
532
00:27:34,892 --> 00:27:36,485
from the tensions and pressures
533
00:27:36,485 --> 00:27:39,877
of the so-called real world as it were.
534
00:27:39,877 --> 00:27:41,166
(thudding)
535
00:27:41,166 --> 00:27:42,790
- Did you see that baby?
536
00:27:42,790 --> 00:27:44,857
Did you see me give it
to that comics nerd?
537
00:27:44,857 --> 00:27:47,097
Who does he think he is
all readin' and shit.
538
00:27:47,097 --> 00:27:49,337
- The way you mistreat
people who don't have
539
00:27:49,337 --> 00:27:54,254
the same myopic views of the
world, so turns me on, Travis.
540
00:27:58,138 --> 00:28:00,657
- Then let's go home and bone, baby.
541
00:28:00,657 --> 00:28:03,324
- You own my maidenhood, Travis.
542
00:28:05,330 --> 00:28:08,517
- My latest issue of Not-You Man, ruined.
543
00:28:08,517 --> 00:28:09,600
Oh the agony.
544
00:28:10,477 --> 00:28:11,933
Such was the way it was.
545
00:28:11,933 --> 00:28:13,170
I didn't always fit in.
546
00:28:13,170 --> 00:28:14,150
Socially I might have been
547
00:28:14,150 --> 00:28:15,723
a little awkward if you can believe it.
548
00:28:15,723 --> 00:28:17,963
A misfit of sorts, but that all changed
549
00:28:17,963 --> 00:28:20,977
once I discovered the internet.
550
00:28:20,977 --> 00:28:23,928
Wow, this comic really spoke to me.
551
00:28:23,928 --> 00:28:26,890
I feel the characters
is alienated as I am.
552
00:28:26,890 --> 00:28:28,796
He and I both are truth seers
553
00:28:28,796 --> 00:28:31,230
in a world full of filthy liars.
554
00:28:31,230 --> 00:28:34,646
On the letters page I found
there was an internet address
555
00:28:34,646 --> 00:28:36,887
where I could contact the author.
556
00:28:36,887 --> 00:28:41,255
So I went to an internet cafe
and logged on to the website.
557
00:28:41,255 --> 00:28:43,846
- Are you gonna order anything or not?
558
00:28:43,846 --> 00:28:47,279
- Madam please, I'm surfing the web here.
559
00:28:47,279 --> 00:28:49,048
A little space.
560
00:28:49,048 --> 00:28:49,881
Thanks.
561
00:28:51,339 --> 00:28:55,839
God, this internet cafe,
it's not a cafe, cafe, bitch.
562
00:28:57,308 --> 00:29:01,120
I found a message board to
post on and went to work.
563
00:29:01,120 --> 00:29:06,120
Hi, anyone here love comics,
live with their parents still,
564
00:29:06,440 --> 00:29:07,617
and think everything sucks?
565
00:29:07,617 --> 00:29:09,784
(beeping)
566
00:29:13,688 --> 00:29:17,517
And for the first time
in my god forsaken life
567
00:29:17,517 --> 00:29:20,324
I felt like I belonged somewhere.
568
00:29:20,324 --> 00:29:21,635
I'd come home.
569
00:29:21,635 --> 00:29:23,035
I'd convinced my fool-hearted parents
570
00:29:23,035 --> 00:29:25,644
I needed a computer, so I got one.
571
00:29:25,644 --> 00:29:27,073
- And you promise you're gonna
572
00:29:27,073 --> 00:29:29,755
use this to get a job and move out, right?
573
00:29:29,755 --> 00:29:32,047
I mean, you are 28.
574
00:29:32,047 --> 00:29:34,044
- Out mother, out.
575
00:29:34,044 --> 00:29:37,347
I need to hurl my POV into the cyber void.
576
00:29:37,347 --> 00:29:39,784
- Christ, and I thought
you were a lost cause
577
00:29:39,784 --> 00:29:44,264
when you were just reading
those funny books, dick.
578
00:29:44,264 --> 00:29:47,344
- They're graphic novels, mother.
579
00:29:47,344 --> 00:29:48,632
Does anyone else have a mother who refers
580
00:29:48,632 --> 00:29:51,404
to their comics as funny books?
581
00:29:51,404 --> 00:29:53,975
Imbecilic woman from who's whom I burst.
582
00:29:53,975 --> 00:29:57,144
There's nothing funny about
tales of costumed avengers.
583
00:29:57,144 --> 00:30:00,113
But one day, my fragile new world
584
00:30:00,113 --> 00:30:03,388
was threatened by my own idiocy.
585
00:30:03,388 --> 00:30:05,665
- [Lloyd] Whoa, Newsgroup.
586
00:30:05,665 --> 00:30:08,288
Did you just admit to
reading a superhero comic?
587
00:30:08,288 --> 00:30:10,985
Nobody here reads those
silly screeds anymore.
588
00:30:10,985 --> 00:30:13,225
It's all about anime now.
589
00:30:13,225 --> 00:30:14,173
- What had I done?
590
00:30:14,173 --> 00:30:15,497
I'd shoved my foot in
my mouth in the midst
591
00:30:15,497 --> 00:30:18,877
of my new found friends
simply by being myself.
592
00:30:18,877 --> 00:30:20,468
That's what I'd done.
593
00:30:20,468 --> 00:30:22,237
There was only one thing I
could do to make them appreciate
594
00:30:22,237 --> 00:30:26,417
me for who I really
was: change completely.
595
00:30:26,417 --> 00:30:27,977
I was merely joking.
596
00:30:27,977 --> 00:30:31,144
I never read superhero comics, please.
597
00:30:32,007 --> 00:30:35,086
- [Lloyd] Oh, I don't know, Newsgroup.
598
00:30:35,086 --> 00:30:37,487
You sure had sounded serious.
599
00:30:37,487 --> 00:30:41,107
I'm not so sure this is the
message board for your kind.
600
00:30:41,107 --> 00:30:42,926
(screaming)
601
00:30:42,926 --> 00:30:44,524
- [Newsgroup] I felt my brave new world
602
00:30:44,524 --> 00:30:46,427
slipping away from me.
603
00:30:46,427 --> 00:30:49,704
What can I do to prove my worthiness?
604
00:30:49,704 --> 00:30:52,537
Please, tell me, I'll do anything.
605
00:30:53,848 --> 00:30:55,879
- [Lloyd] Anything?
606
00:30:55,879 --> 00:30:58,627
- The quest I was charged
with was not a simple one.
607
00:30:58,627 --> 00:31:01,408
They wanted me to break
into Dense Continuity Comics
608
00:31:01,408 --> 00:31:04,423
and pulp all copies of their latest issues
609
00:31:04,423 --> 00:31:08,515
as a statement against
all superhero comics.
610
00:31:08,515 --> 00:31:11,993
But just as I was about to
simultaneously pulp a pile
611
00:31:11,993 --> 00:31:14,078
of superhero comics and post about
612
00:31:14,078 --> 00:31:17,494
it right there while It
happened, they showed up.
613
00:31:17,494 --> 00:31:20,502
(glass shattering)
614
00:31:20,502 --> 00:31:21,335
No!
615
00:31:21,335 --> 00:31:25,361
Their arrival was that
most sour of emoticons.
616
00:31:25,361 --> 00:31:27,162
- You hear something?
617
00:31:27,162 --> 00:31:28,563
Nah, me neither.
618
00:31:28,563 --> 00:31:32,343
Now let's pick up our
comics and get outa here.
619
00:31:32,343 --> 00:31:33,234
Oh what man?
620
00:31:33,234 --> 00:31:35,525
What's the use of being
superheros if we can't use our
621
00:31:35,525 --> 00:31:40,525
powers and abilities to get
our books early and for free?
622
00:31:40,603 --> 00:31:43,603
(explosion booming)
623
00:31:44,500 --> 00:31:46,394
Deja fuckin' vu, right?
624
00:31:46,394 --> 00:31:48,894
- Look what you've done to me.
625
00:31:49,791 --> 00:31:51,486
Look at the freak I've become.
626
00:31:51,486 --> 00:31:55,474
That acid permanently
embedded this into my chest.
627
00:31:55,474 --> 00:31:58,205
- Yo, why to state the obvious, jackass.
628
00:31:58,205 --> 00:32:02,038
- You made me the
monstrosity that now stands
629
00:32:02,038 --> 00:32:05,331
before you, and as God as my witness,
630
00:32:05,331 --> 00:32:09,914
I will have revenge as your
new sworn enemy, Newsgroup.
631
00:32:14,253 --> 00:32:17,091
- You know, I bet if I
tripped a guy like that
632
00:32:17,091 --> 00:32:21,091
in front some chick, I
could get some mad pussy.
633
00:32:22,042 --> 00:32:24,632
- From that day forward
I've made the demise
634
00:32:24,632 --> 00:32:29,481
of Bluntman and Chronic
the whole focus of my life.
635
00:32:29,481 --> 00:32:30,726
Send.
636
00:32:30,726 --> 00:32:33,615
Sad face, winky face, happy face.
637
00:32:33,615 --> 00:32:38,615
- Yes, well, does anyone have
a story about their hate for
638
00:32:38,757 --> 00:32:43,424
Bluntman and Chronic that
doesn't involve a vat of acid?
639
00:32:46,457 --> 00:32:49,374
(glass shattering)
640
00:33:10,085 --> 00:33:11,002
Well, I do.
641
00:33:12,497 --> 00:33:13,953
- You baby, ever have your asshole licked
642
00:33:13,953 --> 00:33:16,286
by a fat man in an overcoat?
643
00:33:18,264 --> 00:33:20,104
(groaning)
644
00:33:20,104 --> 00:33:24,604
- And ever since that day,
I've vowed to destroy them.
645
00:33:25,770 --> 00:33:27,333
- Wait a second.
646
00:33:27,333 --> 00:33:28,821
- You're not a doctor?
647
00:33:28,821 --> 00:33:30,184
- Are you saying--
648
00:33:30,184 --> 00:33:31,434
- That you're--
649
00:33:33,554 --> 00:33:35,709
- A super villainess.
650
00:33:35,709 --> 00:33:37,792
Call me Lipstick Lesbian,
651
00:33:40,068 --> 00:33:44,485
scourge of all men particularly
Bluntman and Chronic.
652
00:33:46,575 --> 00:33:51,497
Come my brothers, join me
and together we will destroy
653
00:33:51,497 --> 00:33:54,830
our common enemies Bluntman and Chronic.
654
00:34:05,615 --> 00:34:07,319
- [Officer] Scumbags, freeze.
655
00:34:07,319 --> 00:34:09,569
(thudding)
656
00:34:12,970 --> 00:34:15,137
(gagging)
657
00:34:17,502 --> 00:34:19,859
(splashing)
658
00:34:19,859 --> 00:34:22,210
(thudding)
659
00:34:22,210 --> 00:34:24,273
(farting)
660
00:34:24,273 --> 00:34:26,859
- We're coming for ya
Bluntman and Chronic.
661
00:34:26,859 --> 00:34:31,442
Wherever you are, The League
of Shitters will find you.
662
00:34:32,373 --> 00:34:34,373
(urine)
663
00:34:35,637 --> 00:34:37,278
- Yo look at that shit blow up.
664
00:34:37,278 --> 00:34:38,778
Keep pissin', boy.
665
00:34:41,432 --> 00:34:43,112
(clears throat)
666
00:34:43,112 --> 00:34:45,543
Yo, you wanna get in on
some of this action, Albert?
667
00:34:45,543 --> 00:34:47,960
Cross the streams with me and Silent Bob?
668
00:34:47,960 --> 00:34:49,024
- Hardly, sir.
669
00:34:49,024 --> 00:34:52,454
This arrived for you gentleman, bung.
670
00:34:52,454 --> 00:34:55,183
- What the fuck's this?
671
00:34:55,183 --> 00:34:57,112
Fan mail from some flounder?
672
00:34:57,112 --> 00:35:00,223
- Apparently Red Bank aims to
honour master Bluntman with
673
00:35:00,223 --> 00:35:01,923
the key to the city as a thanks
674
00:35:01,923 --> 00:35:05,703
for your tireless efforts
in crime fighting.
675
00:35:05,703 --> 00:35:07,840
What if they could see you now.
676
00:35:07,840 --> 00:35:09,240
- Fuck that boring ass shit.
677
00:35:09,240 --> 00:35:12,334
Tell 'em to shove the key up their asses.
678
00:35:12,334 --> 00:35:15,699
Yo let's piss on this
and see if it blows up.
679
00:35:15,699 --> 00:35:18,536
- Need I point out that
there will be admirers
680
00:35:18,536 --> 00:35:21,953
of the distaff order in attendance, sirs.
681
00:35:26,675 --> 00:35:29,842
In the preferred parlance then, pussy.
682
00:35:34,846 --> 00:35:37,189
- Why Albert you dirty old tea bagger.
683
00:35:37,189 --> 00:35:40,758
You lookin' to get some of
our sloppy seconds, ain't ya?
684
00:35:40,758 --> 00:35:43,091
- I take it I can RSVP then.
685
00:35:44,035 --> 00:35:45,206
- Look, if we bring home some bitches
686
00:35:45,206 --> 00:35:47,539
you can RSVP 'em and DP 'em.
687
00:35:48,758 --> 00:35:50,106
bung.
688
00:35:50,106 --> 00:35:51,439
- Yes sir, bung.
689
00:35:59,672 --> 00:36:02,422
(crowd cheering)
690
00:36:04,721 --> 00:36:07,982
- And so as a thanks for the
never ending battle against
691
00:36:07,982 --> 00:36:11,062
an array of super villains
who never seem to exist prior
692
00:36:11,062 --> 00:36:15,329
to their emersions, Red
Bank offers Bluntman.
693
00:36:15,329 --> 00:36:17,642
(clears throat)
694
00:36:17,642 --> 00:36:20,309
Sorry, Red Banks offers Bluntman
695
00:36:21,209 --> 00:36:25,292
and his sidekick this
ceremonial key to the city.
696
00:36:28,810 --> 00:36:30,432
- Yo, any ladies out there wanna
697
00:36:30,432 --> 00:36:32,730
get butt fucked by a super hero?
698
00:36:32,730 --> 00:36:35,480
(dramatic music)
699
00:36:44,070 --> 00:36:48,969
- Yeah, well, this ends the
dedication ceremony proper,
700
00:36:48,969 --> 00:36:51,053
but one and all are welcome to enjoy
701
00:36:51,053 --> 00:36:53,241
our day long Bluntman Day festivities,
702
00:36:53,241 --> 00:36:55,700
culminating at tonight's big parade.
703
00:36:55,700 --> 00:36:57,697
- [Man] You guys are big, fat dicks.
704
00:36:57,697 --> 00:36:58,626
- What?
705
00:36:58,626 --> 00:36:59,989
It was an honest question.
706
00:36:59,989 --> 00:37:03,260
- And I have an honest answer.
707
00:37:03,260 --> 00:37:07,093
I'm aching to get butt
fucked by a super hero.
708
00:37:12,655 --> 00:37:14,357
Easy tiger.
709
00:37:14,357 --> 00:37:16,826
Let's build toward it first.
710
00:37:16,826 --> 00:37:21,147
- Holy shit, you mean you
wanna go steady before we fuck?
711
00:37:21,147 --> 00:37:22,585
All right.
712
00:37:22,585 --> 00:37:26,168
Will you be my girlfriend
oh anal inclined vixen?
713
00:37:26,168 --> 00:37:28,987
- Not that kinda building, stud.
714
00:37:28,987 --> 00:37:30,737
I'm talking foreplay.
715
00:37:33,859 --> 00:37:38,125
Like a little show for my
big strong caped crusaders.
716
00:37:38,125 --> 00:37:40,308
(thudding)
717
00:37:40,308 --> 00:37:43,975
Holy shit Bluntman
you've been dick smacked.
718
00:37:45,087 --> 00:37:46,487
What's up?
719
00:37:46,487 --> 00:37:49,376
- Remember me, boy blunter?
720
00:37:49,376 --> 00:37:53,044
- No, and I think I'd remember
a guy with a giant fist, sir.
721
00:37:53,044 --> 00:37:55,536
Who the fuck are you?
722
00:37:55,536 --> 00:37:56,953
- I'm Cocknocker.
723
00:37:58,527 --> 00:38:02,116
- Why do they call you Cocknocker?
724
00:38:02,116 --> 00:38:04,366
(thudding)
725
00:38:05,756 --> 00:38:08,239
- Load 'em up boys and let's spring
726
00:38:08,239 --> 00:38:11,572
our deathtrap back at their secret lair.
727
00:38:14,487 --> 00:38:16,867
- Tell my sinister siren of sappo,
728
00:38:16,867 --> 00:38:18,603
how will our little League of Shitters
729
00:38:18,603 --> 00:38:21,259
locate the lair of the Kushed Crusaders.
730
00:38:21,259 --> 00:38:24,985
Nobody's ever been able to
find their inferno fortress,
731
00:38:24,985 --> 00:38:27,525
their beloved Blunt Cave.
732
00:38:27,525 --> 00:38:30,409
Do you have some kind of
high-tech geographically correct
733
00:38:30,409 --> 00:38:33,405
golly whiz gizmo in your
scrutility belt that can
734
00:38:33,405 --> 00:38:36,905
positively pinpoint the fucker's fortress?
735
00:38:38,809 --> 00:38:40,736
- [Man] Return to Blunt Cave.
736
00:38:40,736 --> 00:38:43,569
Go west on Broad Street .05 miles.
737
00:38:44,969 --> 00:38:48,105
- Remember kids, always
clear your GPS settings
738
00:38:48,105 --> 00:38:49,905
and previous addresses.
739
00:38:49,905 --> 00:38:54,822
You don't want any criminals
showin' up at your front door.
740
00:38:55,842 --> 00:38:58,759
(tyres screeching)
741
00:39:01,475 --> 00:39:04,835
- [Man] You have arrived
at your destination.
742
00:39:04,835 --> 00:39:07,805
- This is their secret layer?
743
00:39:07,805 --> 00:39:09,641
- This is where they hangout
when they're in their
744
00:39:09,641 --> 00:39:13,421
secret identities, so it must
be somewhere around here.
745
00:39:13,421 --> 00:39:16,081
- Diddler, Newsgroup, search
the front of the store
746
00:39:16,081 --> 00:39:18,792
for a hidden lever or something.
747
00:39:18,792 --> 00:39:22,628
- Man, I can't even believe
this shit right now.
748
00:39:22,628 --> 00:39:25,619
I'm a straight up too legit to
quit costumed super villain,
749
00:39:25,619 --> 00:39:28,434
but oh shit, I still got some giant
750
00:39:28,434 --> 00:39:31,201
dickhead bossing me around on the job.
751
00:39:31,201 --> 00:39:33,688
The way this bitch keeps
tellin' my black ass what to do,
752
00:39:33,688 --> 00:39:38,188
I might as well kept on
working at Southwest Airlines.
753
00:39:39,268 --> 00:39:40,668
- What is that?
754
00:39:40,668 --> 00:39:42,312
- Click it and see.
755
00:39:42,312 --> 00:39:44,479
(beeping)
756
00:39:45,853 --> 00:39:47,389
(dramatic music)
757
00:39:47,389 --> 00:39:48,641
- Mother fucker.
758
00:39:48,641 --> 00:39:51,391
- Click it again, click it again!
759
00:39:54,381 --> 00:39:56,830
- Holy shit, you killed Newsgroup.
760
00:39:56,830 --> 00:40:00,069
- Big deal, that's just one
less loser posting hate screams
761
00:40:00,069 --> 00:40:02,638
about movies at Ain't It Cool News.
762
00:40:02,638 --> 00:40:03,583
- Good point.
763
00:40:03,583 --> 00:40:04,461
- True that.
764
00:40:04,461 --> 00:40:07,258
- But we got a real problem on our hands:
765
00:40:07,258 --> 00:40:09,431
you killed Diddler.
766
00:40:09,431 --> 00:40:11,879
He was our only black character.
767
00:40:11,879 --> 00:40:13,129
- Jesus Christ.
768
00:40:14,923 --> 00:40:15,756
- Dammit.
769
00:40:18,825 --> 00:40:21,742
(tyres screeching)
770
00:40:27,454 --> 00:40:29,188
- What, what, what, what happened?
771
00:40:29,188 --> 00:40:30,105
Where am I?
772
00:40:32,372 --> 00:40:33,599
Ew, dude.
773
00:40:33,599 --> 00:40:37,093
- [Richard] Time to wake and bake.
774
00:40:37,093 --> 00:40:40,081
- Marvelling marry menage
of masked marauders
775
00:40:40,081 --> 00:40:43,981
as me massacre the marijuana
marinated men of mystery
776
00:40:43,981 --> 00:40:48,481
with my machine manufactured
to murder their mellow.
777
00:40:48,481 --> 00:40:50,492
- That's some awful
alliteration, ain't it?
778
00:40:50,492 --> 00:40:53,796
- Awful, best belies the
criminally conceived eerily ironic
779
00:40:53,796 --> 00:40:55,985
and diabolically drolled deathtrap
780
00:40:55,985 --> 00:40:59,041
you're now anchored inside of.
781
00:40:59,041 --> 00:41:00,497
- Yeah, the League of Shitters
782
00:41:00,497 --> 00:41:04,889
has imprisoned and your
young ward in a giant bong.
783
00:41:04,889 --> 00:41:07,250
(laughing)
784
00:41:07,250 --> 00:41:10,577
- Aw, isn't this a most
absolutely original
785
00:41:10,577 --> 00:41:15,577
and herbally ironic end for
the clobbering cannabinoids.
786
00:41:15,738 --> 00:41:17,769
- Hey, this ain't original.
787
00:41:17,769 --> 00:41:19,148
You stole this idea from the Bob
788
00:41:19,148 --> 00:41:22,281
and Doug McKenzie movie Strange Brew.
789
00:41:22,281 --> 00:41:23,857
- Yes.
790
00:41:23,857 --> 00:41:26,117
- The irony still stands.
791
00:41:26,117 --> 00:41:26,990
- Oh yeah?
792
00:41:26,990 --> 00:41:29,197
Well I bet there was one thing
you fucks didn't plan on,
793
00:41:29,197 --> 00:41:32,361
our faithful Bluntcave man servant.
794
00:41:32,361 --> 00:41:33,611
Get 'em Albert.
795
00:41:34,797 --> 00:41:37,130
(vibrating)
796
00:41:38,984 --> 00:41:41,217
Yo, look at this useless old fool, man.
797
00:41:41,217 --> 00:41:44,036
I knew we shoulda gotten
a robot maid instead.
798
00:41:44,036 --> 00:41:46,335
At least she woulda blown us.
799
00:41:46,335 --> 00:41:50,448
- When we last met, you asked
if I'd ever had my asshole
800
00:41:50,448 --> 00:41:53,365
licked by a fat man in an overcoat.
801
00:41:54,487 --> 00:41:55,607
(thudding)
802
00:41:55,607 --> 00:42:00,107
Now, you two assholes are
gonna be licked permanently.
803
00:42:01,294 --> 00:42:02,628
- No wait, so you're not gonna really
804
00:42:02,628 --> 00:42:04,672
butt fuck me and Silent Bob?
805
00:42:04,672 --> 00:42:07,192
I mean, I mean me and Bluntman.
806
00:42:07,192 --> 00:42:09,187
Sorry, sirs, she was sweatin' me.
807
00:42:09,187 --> 00:42:12,687
- On the contrary my foul
mouthed little friend.
808
00:42:12,687 --> 00:42:14,437
I'm fucking you hard.
809
00:42:23,238 --> 00:42:25,905
- Looking for these, Hempknight?
810
00:42:26,893 --> 00:42:28,558
Try getting out of this terrifying
811
00:42:28,558 --> 00:42:31,847
trap without your legendary utility belts.
812
00:42:31,847 --> 00:42:33,402
I'd bring them with us,
813
00:42:33,402 --> 00:42:36,658
but they wreak of sperm caked with kief.
814
00:42:36,658 --> 00:42:39,842
- Yo, sperm caked with kief
was my nickname in third grade.
815
00:42:39,842 --> 00:42:41,419
- We'd stay to watch you drown,
816
00:42:41,419 --> 00:42:42,960
but there's a city to pillage.
817
00:42:42,960 --> 00:42:45,210
So long, caped cocknockers.
818
00:42:46,422 --> 00:42:47,422
- Excuse me?
819
00:42:48,350 --> 00:42:49,400
- Sorry.
820
00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:51,483
Goodbye, dick headed duo.
821
00:42:52,619 --> 00:42:53,651
- Hey.
822
00:42:53,651 --> 00:42:54,718
- Jesus.
823
00:42:54,718 --> 00:42:55,802
Let's just go.
824
00:42:55,802 --> 00:42:57,799
- What the fuck, man?
825
00:42:57,799 --> 00:42:59,358
Aren't you at least
gonna throw some weed up
826
00:42:59,358 --> 00:43:00,931
into this mother fucker?
827
00:43:00,931 --> 00:43:01,764
- Ha.
828
00:43:06,022 --> 00:43:07,605
- So, is that a no?
829
00:43:08,822 --> 00:43:11,814
Man, ain't this some fucked up shit?
830
00:43:11,814 --> 00:43:14,194
Drowning in a giant water bong.
831
00:43:14,194 --> 00:43:17,444
Did you ever think you'd die like this?
832
00:43:22,309 --> 00:43:24,216
You know, seeing how
we're about to die an all,
833
00:43:24,216 --> 00:43:26,229
and nobody's around,
maybe it wouldn't be gay
834
00:43:26,229 --> 00:43:28,729
if we gave each other handies.
835
00:43:33,794 --> 00:43:36,398
Look, I'm gonna think about
fuckin' the lady from Castle.
836
00:43:36,398 --> 00:43:41,398
You're probably gonna think
about fuckin' Castle, nooch.
837
00:43:41,526 --> 00:43:44,359
Uh, this ain't what it looks like.
838
00:43:48,131 --> 00:43:51,176
(groaning)
839
00:43:51,176 --> 00:43:53,509
(screaming)
840
00:43:55,772 --> 00:43:57,672
Albert, you saved us.
841
00:43:57,672 --> 00:43:59,922
(groaning)
842
00:44:00,957 --> 00:44:04,957
- It's the duty of a
gentleman's gentleman, sir.
843
00:44:09,778 --> 00:44:11,028
- He said duty.
844
00:44:12,092 --> 00:44:14,136
We've gotta get you to a hospital Albert.
845
00:44:14,136 --> 00:44:18,230
- I'm afraid it's too late
for me, masters Bluntman
846
00:44:18,230 --> 00:44:21,063
and Chronic, but it's not too late
847
00:44:22,238 --> 00:44:25,790
for you to save your beloved city.
848
00:44:25,790 --> 00:44:28,224
- You're right, if we don't
act fast the League of Shitters
849
00:44:28,224 --> 00:44:30,096
will fuck up hundreds of innocent
850
00:44:30,096 --> 00:44:32,346
chicks we could be fuckin'.
851
00:44:33,402 --> 00:44:37,809
- Before you leave, might
I make one small request?
852
00:44:37,809 --> 00:44:39,662
- Anything for you, Albert.
853
00:44:39,662 --> 00:44:43,213
- Since I'm going to
expire, and nobody's around,
854
00:44:43,213 --> 00:44:45,880
will one of you give me a handy?
855
00:44:46,975 --> 00:44:48,375
- Ew, dude.
856
00:44:48,375 --> 00:44:50,208
- It was worth a shot.
857
00:44:52,070 --> 00:44:56,570
(groaning)
(belching)
858
00:44:58,228 --> 00:44:59,228
- He's gone.
859
00:45:00,153 --> 00:45:02,376
Don't you worry my dead gay friend,
860
00:45:02,376 --> 00:45:04,876
we will avenge your gay death.
861
00:45:09,869 --> 00:45:11,536
To the Blunt mobile.
862
00:45:21,508 --> 00:45:23,675
That's fuckin' funny, sir.
863
00:45:24,760 --> 00:45:26,042
To the Blunt mobile.
864
00:45:26,042 --> 00:45:28,792
(dramatic music)
865
00:45:31,652 --> 00:45:34,204
- Can you believe the attitude
on the ass clown in there?
866
00:45:34,204 --> 00:45:35,292
Gah!
867
00:45:35,292 --> 00:45:37,004
- Condescension on the counter
868
00:45:37,004 --> 00:45:39,664
is what killed the video store.
869
00:45:39,664 --> 00:45:41,484
- Yeah, fuck local businesses.
870
00:45:41,484 --> 00:45:44,126
I'm joinin' Netflix up in here.
871
00:45:44,126 --> 00:45:45,124
Aha!
872
00:45:45,124 --> 00:45:48,541
- Yeah, hope you're not crushed about it.
873
00:45:50,673 --> 00:45:53,369
- Can't this piece of shit
go any faster, fat ass?
874
00:45:53,369 --> 00:45:56,642
Man, we are never gonna get
to the parade in time, sir.
875
00:45:56,642 --> 00:45:59,162
So we better get high instead.
876
00:45:59,162 --> 00:46:01,412
(whirring)
877
00:46:11,655 --> 00:46:14,613
You ever dance with the
devil in the pale moonlight?
878
00:46:14,613 --> 00:46:15,446
Snooch.
879
00:46:22,260 --> 00:46:24,893
Holy shit, Bluntman,
the League of Shitters
880
00:46:24,893 --> 00:46:28,164
are using those giant parade
balloons to gas the city.
881
00:46:28,164 --> 00:46:29,793
Everyone watching the
parade will be killed
882
00:46:29,793 --> 00:46:31,876
if we don't do something.
883
00:46:33,047 --> 00:46:35,706
Aw man, and now the
auto-pilot's not workin'.
884
00:46:35,706 --> 00:46:38,473
What do we do man, what do we do?
885
00:46:38,473 --> 00:46:40,723
(whirring)
886
00:46:48,473 --> 00:46:51,220
Puff, puff, pass mother fuckers.
887
00:46:51,220 --> 00:46:54,482
(gun banging)
888
00:46:54,482 --> 00:46:56,951
- The government's trying to kill us all.
889
00:46:56,951 --> 00:46:58,784
- Tell 'em Steve Dave.
890
00:47:04,231 --> 00:47:05,178
- What are we gonna do now, man?
891
00:47:05,178 --> 00:47:06,382
I don't know if you heard me say it,
892
00:47:06,382 --> 00:47:09,299
but the fuckin' auto-pilot's broke.
893
00:47:23,882 --> 00:47:26,718
Bow to your masters, dirty criminal scum.
894
00:47:26,718 --> 00:47:28,385
Bow to your masters.
895
00:47:29,258 --> 00:47:32,008
(dramatic music)
896
00:47:34,261 --> 00:47:35,241
Ut oh.
897
00:47:35,241 --> 00:47:37,908
Uh, excuse me, is this Red Bank?
898
00:47:41,821 --> 00:47:43,654
- This is Asbury Park.
899
00:47:44,901 --> 00:47:46,968
The south side.
900
00:47:46,968 --> 00:47:49,208
- [Jay] Start the car, start the car
901
00:47:49,208 --> 00:47:52,041
(engine rumbling)
902
00:47:55,681 --> 00:47:58,431
(dramatic music)
903
00:48:02,178 --> 00:48:05,178
(explosion booming)
904
00:48:06,256 --> 00:48:08,506
(thudding)
905
00:48:13,256 --> 00:48:16,700
- That's right, fear the righteous wrath
906
00:48:16,700 --> 00:48:19,136
of the rug munchers.
907
00:48:19,136 --> 00:48:21,829
- You won't get away with this.
908
00:48:21,829 --> 00:48:24,456
Bluntman and Chronic will save us.
909
00:48:24,456 --> 00:48:27,009
- Bluntman and Chronic are dead.
910
00:48:27,009 --> 00:48:31,316
This city belongs to
the League of Shitters.
911
00:48:31,316 --> 00:48:34,923
- Yo, Ellen Degenerate
this city's protected
912
00:48:34,923 --> 00:48:38,615
by a real man of steel, and
he's got a pocket full of
913
00:48:38,615 --> 00:48:42,362
kryptonite he wants to stick
up your Fortress of Solitude.
914
00:48:42,362 --> 00:48:43,195
Snooch.
915
00:48:44,775 --> 00:48:46,735
- They're alive.
916
00:48:46,735 --> 00:48:49,166
- And making pop culture references.
917
00:48:49,166 --> 00:48:51,742
- And the little one has
kryptonite is his pants.
918
00:48:51,742 --> 00:48:54,033
- That's just a figure of speech.
919
00:48:54,033 --> 00:48:54,866
- Oh yeah?
920
00:48:57,795 --> 00:49:00,045
(groaning)
921
00:49:03,917 --> 00:49:06,217
- I told you we shoulda
stayed to watch them die.
922
00:49:06,217 --> 00:49:09,471
But oh, no, the bad
guys never stick around
923
00:49:09,471 --> 00:49:12,377
to watch the good guys die, you said.
924
00:49:12,377 --> 00:49:16,246
I'll never understand why I'm
not in charge of this gang.
925
00:49:16,246 --> 00:49:18,925
I'm the one with the giant fist.
926
00:49:18,925 --> 00:49:20,357
- Then use it.
927
00:49:20,357 --> 00:49:21,690
Kill the heroes.
928
00:49:35,001 --> 00:49:36,401
- Yo, maybe we should make
929
00:49:36,401 --> 00:49:38,257
that guy our new Bluntcave butler.
930
00:49:38,257 --> 00:49:40,443
He gives a mean fuckin' handy.
931
00:49:40,443 --> 00:49:41,943
Snoochie boochies.
932
00:49:46,800 --> 00:49:49,967
Yo man, circumcise that unruly wiener.
933
00:49:52,197 --> 00:49:54,364
(zapping)
934
00:50:04,830 --> 00:50:07,317
That shit never happened in Star Wars,
935
00:50:07,317 --> 00:50:08,557
but it sure as fuck would've made
936
00:50:08,557 --> 00:50:12,224
a Phantom Menace more
interesting, snoogins.
937
00:50:13,370 --> 00:50:14,966
Yo man, let's tweet that.
938
00:50:14,966 --> 00:50:17,883
Hashtag hit Jar Jar with a car car.
939
00:50:22,170 --> 00:50:23,003
Puss out!
940
00:50:24,150 --> 00:50:26,900
(dramatic music)
941
00:50:28,454 --> 00:50:33,454
- I'll take the ritalin kid,
you go after the fat one,
942
00:50:33,530 --> 00:50:35,280
and don't cock it up.
943
00:50:37,137 --> 00:50:39,690
- Hear me now and believe
me later, Bluntman.
944
00:50:39,690 --> 00:50:42,826
Dick Head is coming,
and soon he'll be coming
945
00:50:42,826 --> 00:50:45,743
all over your face, neck and chest.
946
00:50:50,400 --> 00:50:52,567
(gushing)
947
00:51:07,116 --> 00:51:09,366
(groaning)
948
00:51:26,872 --> 00:51:29,705
(muffled chatter)
949
00:51:47,192 --> 00:51:48,320
- Do you have a gun?
950
00:51:48,320 --> 00:51:49,512
Do yous guys have a gun?
951
00:51:49,512 --> 00:51:51,037
Anyone have a gun, guns?
952
00:51:51,037 --> 00:51:52,209
Guns, do you have any guns?
953
00:51:52,209 --> 00:51:54,449
Guns, does anybody have
a gun I can borrow.
954
00:51:54,449 --> 00:51:56,301
Man, give me a hand here.
955
00:51:56,301 --> 00:51:58,551
(crashing)
956
00:51:59,909 --> 00:52:02,576
(evil laughing)
957
00:52:04,440 --> 00:52:06,629
- There's no where left to run, son.
958
00:52:06,629 --> 00:52:10,073
Pucker up, buttercup because boy blunter,
959
00:52:10,073 --> 00:52:13,120
Cocknocker's coming to wreck your rectum.
960
00:52:13,120 --> 00:52:14,787
- My virgin asshole.
961
00:52:19,751 --> 00:52:22,027
- Death by fisting.
962
00:52:22,027 --> 00:52:23,723
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
963
00:52:23,723 --> 00:52:26,803
How about you let me
go if I suck your dick.
964
00:52:26,803 --> 00:52:29,080
- What in blue blazes?
965
00:52:29,080 --> 00:52:30,251
- Hear me out, sir.
966
00:52:30,251 --> 00:52:31,407
I ain't never done it before,
967
00:52:31,407 --> 00:52:33,420
but I bet I could suck a mean dick.
968
00:52:33,420 --> 00:52:35,343
It only takes a three
licks to get to the centre
969
00:52:35,343 --> 00:52:37,811
of a tootsie pop, an owl taught me.
970
00:52:37,811 --> 00:52:40,943
Look, just don't tell anybody, all right?
971
00:52:40,943 --> 00:52:42,991
- I don't want you to blow me.
972
00:52:42,991 --> 00:52:44,620
Did you ever think of that?
973
00:52:44,620 --> 00:52:46,020
- What are you gay or something?
974
00:52:46,020 --> 00:52:49,047
- Your desperate deliberations
are done, masked man.
975
00:52:49,047 --> 00:52:52,549
Prepare to parish and the heavy hand
976
00:52:52,549 --> 00:52:55,216
and gargantuan grasp Cocknocker.
977
00:52:56,746 --> 00:52:58,499
- Oh, I get it.
978
00:52:58,499 --> 00:53:01,027
You got a little dick.
979
00:53:01,027 --> 00:53:02,166
- What's this now?
980
00:53:02,166 --> 00:53:04,579
- Yeah, I bet you got a little
dick, and that's why you
981
00:53:04,579 --> 00:53:07,379
don't wanna whip it out for
the suckin' of the century.
982
00:53:07,379 --> 00:53:08,587
- Yeah, right.
983
00:53:08,587 --> 00:53:10,230
I'm hung like the jury.
984
00:53:10,230 --> 00:53:12,787
I'm hung like the Mona Lisa in the Louvre.
985
00:53:12,787 --> 00:53:15,779
Which is to say, expertly.
986
00:53:15,779 --> 00:53:16,987
- Well they do say that a guy's got
987
00:53:16,987 --> 00:53:19,610
a big dick if his hand
is bigger than his face.
988
00:53:19,610 --> 00:53:22,011
- Oh, is that right.
989
00:53:22,011 --> 00:53:23,761
Well, let's just see.
990
00:53:26,575 --> 00:53:27,408
Hinatugen.
991
00:53:30,094 --> 00:53:33,685
Holy shit I did it, I took
down the bad guy all by myself.
992
00:53:33,685 --> 00:53:34,979
(thudding)
993
00:53:34,979 --> 00:53:37,559
You know what, I was
born to lead this team.
994
00:53:37,559 --> 00:53:39,519
Fuckin' Bluntman can eat a dick.
995
00:53:39,519 --> 00:53:41,236
Eat a whole bag of dicks,
996
00:53:41,236 --> 00:53:45,319
'cause I'm the Tony
Starkprano of this bitch now.
997
00:53:46,570 --> 00:53:48,197
But wait, who's to say
this big fisted fucked
998
00:53:48,197 --> 00:53:51,780
won't come after me
again when he wakes up?
999
00:53:59,480 --> 00:54:01,647
(gushing)
1000
00:54:09,493 --> 00:54:13,410
See, that's how Batman
should handle the Joker.
1001
00:54:15,149 --> 00:54:17,679
(thudding)
1002
00:54:17,679 --> 00:54:19,330
Plug it up, Lipstick Lesbian.
1003
00:54:19,330 --> 00:54:23,161
We're puttin' prison
panties on your pussy party.
1004
00:54:23,161 --> 00:54:24,281
That was good, right?
1005
00:54:24,281 --> 00:54:27,762
I just thought that
shit up right now, sir.
1006
00:54:27,762 --> 00:54:30,021
(clicking)
1007
00:54:30,021 --> 00:54:32,854
Mother fucker man, why don't
we just carry guns, too?
1008
00:54:32,854 --> 00:54:35,937
Or at least some broken beer bottles.
1009
00:54:38,210 --> 00:54:41,170
Lord, I'm sorry for all
the bad shit I'd done man,
1010
00:54:41,170 --> 00:54:44,199
and I'm even sorrier for most
of the good shit I'd done too,
1011
00:54:44,199 --> 00:54:46,867
because what's good to me,
Lord, might not be good to you.
1012
00:54:46,867 --> 00:54:47,740
You know what I'm sayin'?
1013
00:54:47,740 --> 00:54:50,206
The way that we used to
say bad to mean good back
1014
00:54:50,206 --> 00:54:51,539
in the 80s, you know what I'm sayin'?
1015
00:54:51,539 --> 00:54:54,707
So here's my confession: one
time, I stuck a toothbrush in
1016
00:54:54,707 --> 00:54:59,707
my ass when I jerked off and
it was Silent Bob's toothbrush.
1017
00:54:59,747 --> 00:55:01,914
(gagging)
1018
00:55:03,719 --> 00:55:05,519
Goodbye forever, Silent Bob.
1019
00:55:05,519 --> 00:55:09,009
It's been an honour serving
with your tubby butt.
1020
00:55:09,009 --> 00:55:11,259
(thudding)
1021
00:55:14,226 --> 00:55:15,553
- Why don't you pick on someone
1022
00:55:15,553 --> 00:55:18,553
your own cup size, Lipstick Lesbian.
1023
00:55:19,495 --> 00:55:23,412
- Holy boner bringers
Bluntman, it's Bluntgirl.
1024
00:55:25,039 --> 00:55:28,169
- You're a disgrace to the distaff.
1025
00:55:28,169 --> 00:55:29,902
God, that voice is so stupid,
1026
00:55:29,902 --> 00:55:32,562
I'm gonna do it in my own
voice from here on out.
1027
00:55:32,562 --> 00:55:36,850
You are a disgrace to the
distaff, Lipstick Lesbian,
1028
00:55:36,850 --> 00:55:38,810
and I'm bringing you
back to Bookem Asylum,
1029
00:55:38,810 --> 00:55:40,727
this time as an inmate.
1030
00:55:42,362 --> 00:55:43,984
Animal!
1031
00:55:43,984 --> 00:55:46,734
(dramatic music)
1032
00:55:56,024 --> 00:55:58,274
(thudding)
1033
00:56:00,546 --> 00:56:02,713
(moaning)
1034
00:56:14,966 --> 00:56:17,486
- Who are you sweet mystery lady?
1035
00:56:17,486 --> 00:56:21,233
- Just a concerned citizen
with a dream of justice,
1036
00:56:21,233 --> 00:56:24,173
who's also a huge fan of the Bluntman.
1037
00:56:24,173 --> 00:56:25,273
(slapping)
1038
00:56:25,273 --> 00:56:26,106
Hi.
1039
00:56:27,006 --> 00:56:28,425
- What the fuck?
1040
00:56:28,425 --> 00:56:29,315
Him?
1041
00:56:29,315 --> 00:56:31,225
You could titty fuck
the man for shit's sake,
1042
00:56:31,225 --> 00:56:32,522
and I oughta know.
1043
00:56:32,522 --> 00:56:34,793
- You're turning me on.
1044
00:56:34,793 --> 00:56:37,226
- Yo, why the fuck are you
settling for his pudgy fuckin'
1045
00:56:37,226 --> 00:56:39,713
penis when you could smoke some Chronic?
1046
00:56:39,713 --> 00:56:42,284
- Well, to be honest this Bluntgirl
1047
00:56:42,284 --> 00:56:44,282
persona's a bit new for me.
1048
00:56:44,282 --> 00:56:46,662
Before that I battled criminal scum under
1049
00:56:46,662 --> 00:56:49,233
a different alias all together.
1050
00:56:49,233 --> 00:56:50,733
The Chubby Chaser.
1051
00:56:57,138 --> 00:57:00,414
Oh, my God, I can't believe that
1052
00:57:00,414 --> 00:57:04,581
I'm really here in the
legendary Balls of Justice.
1053
00:57:05,753 --> 00:57:07,345
- What the fuck did you
have to bring her back
1054
00:57:07,345 --> 00:57:08,922
to our secret base for, man?
1055
00:57:08,922 --> 00:57:11,918
This whack job only fucks fat guys.
1056
00:57:11,918 --> 00:57:14,718
- Now that we've taken out
the trash, when the mayor
1057
00:57:14,718 --> 00:57:16,290
gave you key to the city
1058
00:57:16,290 --> 00:57:20,122
I seem to recall an
invitation to butt fuck.
1059
00:57:20,122 --> 00:57:21,469
- Holy shit, Silent Bob,
1060
00:57:21,469 --> 00:57:24,356
this crazy bitch wants a
touchdown in brown town.
1061
00:57:24,356 --> 00:57:25,778
Me first, me first.
1062
00:57:25,778 --> 00:57:28,489
- Really, are you sure?
1063
00:57:28,489 --> 00:57:31,828
- I wanna be Neil
Armstrong up in that moon.
1064
00:57:31,828 --> 00:57:35,837
One small schtup for man is
one giant schtup in the can.
1065
00:57:35,837 --> 00:57:36,670
Nooch.
1066
00:57:37,798 --> 00:57:42,798
- Hey Bluntman, you mind if
your sidekick here goes first?
1067
00:57:43,329 --> 00:57:46,079
Then let's get started, shall we?
1068
00:57:47,898 --> 00:57:51,118
- I think you misunderstood, ow!
1069
00:57:51,118 --> 00:57:52,886
What I was saying.
1070
00:57:52,886 --> 00:57:55,438
- Hey baby, you ever got
your fat asshole licked
1071
00:57:55,438 --> 00:57:58,029
by a thin girl wearin' a unitard?
1072
00:57:58,029 --> 00:57:58,862
Woo!
1073
00:58:00,218 --> 00:58:04,226
- Yup, when Ben Affleck played Dare Devil.
1074
00:58:04,226 --> 00:58:05,726
Snoochie boochies.
1075
00:58:07,855 --> 00:58:10,774
- Does anybody have lube on 'em?
1076
00:58:10,774 --> 00:58:12,087
- [Bluntgirl] Come here mother fucker.
1077
00:58:12,087 --> 00:58:13,368
(groaning)
1078
00:58:13,368 --> 00:58:16,035
- [Jay] Holy shit I just cummed.
1079
00:58:18,776 --> 00:58:21,026
(cheering)
1080
00:58:22,427 --> 00:58:26,096
Party people, your dreams
are all about to come true,
1081
00:58:26,096 --> 00:58:30,067
all thanks to Jay the
mother fuckin' snooch.
1082
00:58:30,067 --> 00:58:32,867
Ain't sharin' no credit
with tubby Silent Bob,
1083
00:58:32,867 --> 00:58:34,566
'cause I'm the smart mother fucker
1084
00:58:34,566 --> 00:58:37,485
that gave this guy the end credits job.
1085
00:58:37,485 --> 00:58:39,480
So without further do-do,
1086
00:58:39,480 --> 00:58:42,647
here's my boy with the Star Wars toys.
1087
00:58:44,168 --> 00:58:48,085
M mother fuckin' C like
a clit commander Chris.
1088
00:58:50,618 --> 00:58:53,017
Fuck 'em in the mouth, Chris.
1089
00:58:53,017 --> 00:58:54,926
♪ I ran ahead like hammer head
'cause head is what I'm after ♪
1090
00:58:54,926 --> 00:58:56,443
♪ I sag the boobs like snaggletooth ♪
1091
00:58:56,443 --> 00:58:57,497
♪ You bet the poopy bastard ♪
1092
00:58:57,497 --> 00:58:58,598
♪ Are two fingers that I'm after ♪
1093
00:58:58,598 --> 00:58:59,789
♪ So your questions are persistent ♪
1094
00:58:59,789 --> 00:59:00,909
♪ I had no idea you mattered ♪
1095
00:59:00,909 --> 00:59:02,097
♪ Didn't know that you existed ♪
1096
00:59:02,097 --> 00:59:03,186
♪ Fuck a critic in the mouth ♪
1097
00:59:03,186 --> 00:59:04,338
♪ Please tickle my testicles ♪
1098
00:59:04,338 --> 00:59:06,997
♪ You only write about bands
that are featured in festivals ♪
1099
00:59:06,997 --> 00:59:08,086
♪ You hate what you ain't ♪
1100
00:59:08,086 --> 00:59:09,377
♪ 'Cause that it sounds like pet sounds ♪
1101
00:59:09,377 --> 00:59:12,006
♪ Wanna shut that shit down,
fuck a critic in the mouth ♪
1102
00:59:12,006 --> 00:59:14,106
♪ You only rap about hoes,
at the fingers I throw ♪
1103
00:59:14,106 --> 00:59:16,626
♪ You don't condone my clothes
or the t-shirt I chose ♪
1104
00:59:16,626 --> 00:59:18,917
♪ Just wanna sack these
hoes like a maxi-ball ♪
1105
00:59:18,917 --> 00:59:21,535
♪ Don't attack me bro,
look at my acne bro ♪
1106
00:59:21,535 --> 00:59:24,139
♪ Above two long snoots take
a drag on this cannabis ♪
1107
00:59:24,139 --> 00:59:26,519
♪ Can't handle this hetero
son, a little bit fabulous ♪
1108
00:59:26,519 --> 00:59:28,006
♪ Feel like my vengeance's high pitch ♪
1109
00:59:28,006 --> 00:59:29,126
♪ I can't listen to this ♪
1110
00:59:29,126 --> 00:59:30,826
♪ Piss in the wind if you
can't listen to Chris ♪
1111
00:59:30,826 --> 00:59:31,699
- [Jay] Sing it boy.
1112
00:59:31,699 --> 00:59:32,766
♪ Fuck a critic in the mouth ♪
1113
00:59:32,766 --> 00:59:33,782
♪ Bitch, what you say ♪
1114
00:59:33,782 --> 00:59:34,835
♪ Fuck a critic in the mouth ♪
1115
00:59:34,835 --> 00:59:36,146
♪ You consider it Jay ♪
1116
00:59:36,146 --> 00:59:37,406
♪ Fuck a critic in the mouth ♪
1117
00:59:37,406 --> 00:59:38,806
♪ Go south mother fucker, suck a dick ♪
1118
00:59:38,806 --> 00:59:43,008
♪ Like a trick, like a trucker ♪
1119
00:59:43,008 --> 00:59:43,885
- [Jay] Fuck 'em in the mouth
1120
00:59:43,885 --> 00:59:45,020
♪ I said the moo moo titty ♪
1121
00:59:45,020 --> 00:59:46,140
♪ I fuck a boo boo kitty ♪
1122
00:59:46,140 --> 00:59:48,628
♪ My name is Chris don't miss,
this kid's up on the clitty ♪
1123
00:59:48,628 --> 00:59:49,888
♪ The faster rap is spinning ♪
1124
00:59:49,888 --> 00:59:51,059
♪ The pussy's what I'm hitting ♪
1125
00:59:51,059 --> 00:59:53,528
♪ I punch it like a clock,
my cock is barely fitting ♪
1126
00:59:53,528 --> 00:59:54,928
♪ Assholes are for shitting ♪
1127
00:59:54,928 --> 00:59:55,996
♪ They think they're all that ♪
1128
00:59:55,996 --> 00:59:58,460
♪ Let me see your breast
pass, here's my ball sack ♪
1129
00:59:58,460 --> 01:00:00,752
♪ Lick the testicles to shaft
and drain my cock of jizzum ♪
1130
01:00:00,752 --> 01:00:02,012
♪ Just pretend your trapped ♪
1131
01:00:02,012 --> 01:00:03,412
♪ Like it's your first night in prison ♪
1132
01:00:03,412 --> 01:00:05,652
♪ I like to smoke weed
and I like to drink beer ♪
1133
01:00:05,652 --> 01:00:08,312
♪ Stop being mean then
ask 'em to get clear ♪
1134
01:00:08,312 --> 01:00:10,500
♪ I hope you like chuggin'
cock it's about to appear ♪
1135
01:00:10,500 --> 01:00:13,179
♪ Hope you like giant blasts
that come shootin' our your ear ♪
1136
01:00:13,179 --> 01:00:14,472
♪ Fuck a critic in the mouth ♪
1137
01:00:14,472 --> 01:00:15,731
♪ You cock then is empty ♪
1138
01:00:15,731 --> 01:00:16,712
♪ Fuck a critic in the mouth ♪
1139
01:00:16,712 --> 01:00:17,996
♪ Care to head the MC ♪
1140
01:00:17,996 --> 01:00:19,199
♪ Fuck a critic in the mouth ♪
1141
01:00:19,199 --> 01:00:20,408
♪ Spend a day in my shoes ♪
1142
01:00:20,408 --> 01:00:22,368
♪ You don't know what
I'm about, you lose ♪
1143
01:00:22,368 --> 01:00:23,240
- [Jay] Sing it boy.
1144
01:00:23,240 --> 01:00:24,118
♪ Fuck a critic in the mouth ♪
1145
01:00:24,118 --> 01:00:25,112
♪ Your cock is then empty ♪
1146
01:00:25,112 --> 01:00:26,428
♪ Fuck a critic in the mouth ♪
1147
01:00:26,428 --> 01:00:27,599
♪ Care to head the MC ♪
1148
01:00:27,599 --> 01:00:28,859
♪ Fuck a critic in the mouth ♪
1149
01:00:28,859 --> 01:00:30,119
♪ Spend a day in my shoes ♪
1150
01:00:30,119 --> 01:00:33,372
♪ You don't know what
I'm about, you lose ♪
1151
01:00:33,372 --> 01:00:34,580
- [Chris] What's that mother fucker?
1152
01:00:34,580 --> 01:00:35,528
What?
1153
01:00:35,528 --> 01:00:36,819
You try and talk trash?
1154
01:00:36,819 --> 01:00:37,698
- [Jay] Fuck 'em in the mouth
1155
01:00:37,698 --> 01:00:41,459
- [Chris] Oh well yeah, where's
your cartoon movie, bitch?
1156
01:00:41,459 --> 01:00:42,979
- [Jay] Fuck 'em in the mouth, Chris
1157
01:00:42,979 --> 01:00:45,716
- [Chris] Oh, what's that, you
don't have a cartoon movie?
1158
01:00:45,716 --> 01:00:48,039
Oh maybe 'cause you
ain't got no initiative.
1159
01:00:48,039 --> 01:00:49,668
You need to get some initiative
1160
01:00:49,668 --> 01:00:51,628
and take an animation class, bitch.
1161
01:00:51,628 --> 01:00:52,461
- [Jay] Fuck 'em in the mouth.
1162
01:00:52,461 --> 01:00:53,424
♪ Fuck a critic in the mouth ♪
1163
01:00:53,424 --> 01:00:54,470
♪ Your cock then is empty ♪
1164
01:00:54,470 --> 01:00:55,645
♪ Fuck a critic in the mouth ♪
1165
01:00:55,645 --> 01:00:57,153
♪ Care to head the MC ♪
1166
01:00:57,153 --> 01:00:58,444
♪ Fuck a critic in the mouth ♪
1167
01:00:58,444 --> 01:00:59,636
♪ Spend a day in my shoes ♪
1168
01:00:59,636 --> 01:01:02,258
♪ You don't know what
I'm about, you lose ♪
1169
01:01:02,258 --> 01:01:03,135
♪ Fuck a critic in the mouth ♪
1170
01:01:03,135 --> 01:01:04,377
♪ Your cock then is empty ♪
1171
01:01:04,377 --> 01:01:05,586
♪ Fuck a critic in the mouth ♪
1172
01:01:05,586 --> 01:01:06,846
♪ Care to head the MC ♪
1173
01:01:06,846 --> 01:01:08,050
♪ Fuck a critic in the mouth ♪
1174
01:01:08,050 --> 01:01:09,366
♪ Spend a day in my shoes ♪
1175
01:01:09,366 --> 01:01:14,199
♪ You don't know what
I'm about, you lose ♪
1176
01:01:16,047 --> 01:01:18,380
(whistling)
1177
01:01:19,407 --> 01:01:21,490
- Yo, do you got any ice?
1178
01:01:23,734 --> 01:01:26,357
(groaning)
1179
01:01:26,357 --> 01:01:30,958
With great power comes a massive
pain in the asshole, sir.
1180
01:01:30,958 --> 01:01:32,584
This shit makes me wanna turn my back
1181
01:01:32,584 --> 01:01:35,354
on even being a super hero anymore
1182
01:01:35,354 --> 01:01:37,067
- [Stan] Never turn your back when
1183
01:01:37,067 --> 01:01:40,114
you can face front, true believer.
1184
01:01:40,114 --> 01:01:45,114
- Oh, my God, Silent Bob,
it's the sensational Stan Lee.
1185
01:01:45,150 --> 01:01:47,424
- Well what kind of comic
book movie could this be
1186
01:01:47,424 --> 01:01:51,086
without a quick cameo from Stan the Man?
1187
01:01:51,086 --> 01:01:52,537
- Marvellous.
1188
01:01:52,537 --> 01:01:53,370
Snooch.
1189
01:01:54,254 --> 01:01:55,846
- Listen, you two think you're
1190
01:01:55,846 --> 01:01:58,142
the only super heroes in the world?
1191
01:01:58,142 --> 01:02:01,898
Hey, you've become part
of a bigger universe, now.
1192
01:02:01,898 --> 01:02:04,868
- You mean the DC universe?
1193
01:02:04,868 --> 01:02:06,626
- No, not that emo crap.
1194
01:02:06,626 --> 01:02:09,197
Hey, I'm here to talk to you both about
1195
01:02:09,197 --> 01:02:12,280
joining the Stan Avengers Initiative.
1196
01:02:15,665 --> 01:02:16,813
- Great Scott, Stan.
1197
01:02:16,813 --> 01:02:18,684
You gotta come back with me.
1198
01:02:18,684 --> 01:02:19,664
- Where?
1199
01:02:19,664 --> 01:02:20,997
- To the future.
1200
01:02:22,273 --> 01:02:23,813
- Okay, spider friend.
1201
01:02:23,813 --> 01:02:26,563
(dramatic music)
1202
01:02:41,678 --> 01:02:44,920
- Dude, you didn't bust out
your phone and shoot that shit?
1203
01:02:44,920 --> 01:02:46,264
You dumb ass, man.
1204
01:02:46,264 --> 01:02:50,012
We would've got like a
million hits on YouTube, man.
1205
01:02:50,012 --> 01:02:51,972
You never were any good with a camera,
1206
01:02:51,972 --> 01:02:55,000
you non-directing fat fuck.
1207
01:02:55,000 --> 01:02:58,252
(tyres screeching)
1208
01:02:58,252 --> 01:03:02,612
- Harold, Kumar, we're gonna
need your help in the future.
1209
01:03:02,612 --> 01:03:03,612
- Excelsior.
1210
01:03:05,500 --> 01:03:06,333
- Shotgun.
1211
01:03:09,803 --> 01:03:11,992
Yo, are you a real doctor?
1212
01:03:11,992 --> 01:03:13,620
- Great Scott, yes.
1213
01:03:13,620 --> 01:03:16,332
- Can you get us a card
for medical marijuana?
1214
01:03:16,332 --> 01:03:17,749
- Great pot, yes.
1215
01:03:19,478 --> 01:03:21,913
- [Jay] And papers, no pipes man.
1216
01:03:21,913 --> 01:03:23,892
I like my shit rolled.
1217
01:03:23,892 --> 01:03:25,184
- [Doc] Rolled?
1218
01:03:25,184 --> 01:03:29,160
Where we're going, we
don't need any shit rolled.
1219
01:03:29,160 --> 01:03:30,327
- [Jay] Nooch.
1220
01:03:33,617 --> 01:03:36,534
Ah, the fuckin' auto-pilot's broke.
86099
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