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1
00:00:03,220 --> 00:00:05,092
- See, see, see,
look, this the part
2
00:00:05,135 --> 00:00:07,050
where he tear off the hair
of Chuck Norris' chest.
3
00:00:07,094 --> 00:00:08,269
- The best part--
- I see--
4
00:00:08,312 --> 00:00:09,705
- Pay attention.
- I see it.
5
00:00:09,748 --> 00:00:10,923
- No, 'cause you
on your phone.
6
00:00:10,967 --> 00:00:12,664
- I saw.
That guy kicked that guy.
7
00:00:12,708 --> 00:00:14,057
That guy is Bruce Lee.
8
00:00:14,101 --> 00:00:15,493
He revolutionized
karate flicks, man.
9
00:00:15,537 --> 00:00:17,191
Check it out.
10
00:00:17,234 --> 00:00:19,149
- Where are the dragons?
I thought there'd be dragons.
11
00:00:19,193 --> 00:00:21,499
- Ain't no dragons.
It's just a metaphor.
12
00:00:23,632 --> 00:00:25,068
Josh, could you watch
this movie with me
13
00:00:25,112 --> 00:00:26,287
before I kill our son?
14
00:00:26,330 --> 00:00:27,723
We got a bigger problem
15
00:00:27,766 --> 00:00:29,942
than Shahzad's
horrible taste in movies.
16
00:00:29,986 --> 00:00:33,207
I just found this strange hat
in our daughter's room,
17
00:00:33,250 --> 00:00:36,079
and I know it doesn't belong
to anyone who lives here.
18
00:00:36,123 --> 00:00:37,994
That's where my hat went.
19
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:40,083
- Oh, it's yours?
- Yeah.
20
00:00:40,127 --> 00:00:41,998
Oh. Huh.
21
00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:45,088
- What?
It's how we rock 'em now.
22
00:00:45,132 --> 00:00:47,612
Nice try.
23
00:00:47,656 --> 00:00:51,225
You've offended me
and my family.
24
00:00:51,268 --> 00:00:55,229
[person yells, whip cracks]
25
00:00:55,272 --> 00:00:58,232
[upbeat music]
26
00:00:58,275 --> 00:01:00,190
♪
27
00:01:00,234 --> 00:01:02,279
- Heads up.
- Can you knock?
28
00:01:02,323 --> 00:01:04,673
- My bad. [knocks on door]
- [sighs]
29
00:01:04,716 --> 00:01:08,111
- The dads know about you
and your secret boyfriend.
30
00:01:08,155 --> 00:01:10,244
- Why did you tell them?
- I didn't.
31
00:01:10,287 --> 00:01:11,984
Dad found his hat
in your bedroom.
32
00:01:12,028 --> 00:01:13,551
Just come clean.
33
00:01:13,595 --> 00:01:15,510
- No, I'm not talking to them
about dating.
34
00:01:15,553 --> 00:01:17,294
They're so cringe.
35
00:01:17,338 --> 00:01:19,296
If I need advice,
I'll just call Mom.
36
00:01:19,340 --> 00:01:22,125
- Yeah, you're [bleep]
with that strategy.
37
00:01:22,169 --> 00:01:23,822
[sighs]
38
00:01:23,866 --> 00:01:29,611
♪
39
00:01:29,654 --> 00:01:31,134
Good morning.
40
00:01:31,178 --> 00:01:33,441
- Hey.
Good morning, Ma.
41
00:01:33,484 --> 00:01:34,964
Oh, is that for me?
42
00:01:35,007 --> 00:01:36,966
- Yeah, I made you
some eggs and coffee.
43
00:01:37,009 --> 00:01:40,187
Oh, what a pleasant surprise.
44
00:01:40,230 --> 00:01:42,841
Wow.
How nice.
45
00:01:44,060 --> 00:01:45,583
You must want something.
46
00:01:45,627 --> 00:01:47,281
- I need some advice
on how to talk to Amira
47
00:01:47,324 --> 00:01:49,109
about the birds and the bees.
48
00:01:49,152 --> 00:01:51,633
I don't want you to be no
great-grandmother no time soon.
49
00:01:51,676 --> 00:01:54,766
- Well, the Bible says
fornication is a sin.
50
00:01:54,810 --> 00:01:56,986
But nobody don't read no Bible.
51
00:01:57,029 --> 00:02:00,032
So my advice to you is shut
your mouth and say nothing.
52
00:02:00,076 --> 00:02:01,817
- Ma, come on, now,
you know I can't do that.
53
00:02:01,860 --> 00:02:03,035
That's my daughter.
54
00:02:03,079 --> 00:02:04,385
Well, then do it your way,
55
00:02:04,428 --> 00:02:06,343
but the more you tell her
not to have sex,
56
00:02:06,387 --> 00:02:07,736
the more she's gonna want to.
57
00:02:07,779 --> 00:02:09,172
That's why preachers' kids
58
00:02:09,216 --> 00:02:10,739
are the freakiest ones
in the church.
59
00:02:10,782 --> 00:02:12,001
- Damn.
- Mm-hmm.
60
00:02:12,044 --> 00:02:13,698
I should've went
to church more.
61
00:02:13,742 --> 00:02:20,314
♪
62
00:02:20,357 --> 00:02:23,143
- Okay, so remember to speak
in general terms.
63
00:02:23,186 --> 00:02:27,103
We're just two dads talking
to their two kids about sex.
64
00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:28,539
Yeah, but why both kids, man?
65
00:02:28,583 --> 00:02:30,150
Shahzad ain't the one
hiding hats.
66
00:02:30,193 --> 00:02:32,021
- No, no, no,
we got to talk to both of them
67
00:02:32,064 --> 00:02:34,415
so it seems natural
and we're not focused on Amira.
68
00:02:34,458 --> 00:02:37,026
- Dig, man. That do sound
like a good idea, hot shot.
69
00:02:37,069 --> 00:02:38,854
You be reading them
parenting books, right?
70
00:02:38,897 --> 00:02:40,682
- Uh-huh, yeah.
71
00:02:42,423 --> 00:02:44,294
Hey, Look who it is--
72
00:02:44,338 --> 00:02:46,296
Amira!
Hi.
73
00:02:46,340 --> 00:02:48,037
- Come on in. Sit down.
- Come on.
74
00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:49,517
What's going on?
75
00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:51,780
Did something happen
to Mom or Grandma?
76
00:02:51,823 --> 00:02:53,434
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
That's not--
77
00:02:53,477 --> 00:02:55,044
- Sit down.
- That is not what we're--
78
00:02:55,087 --> 00:02:56,611
- We just want to
sit down and talk.
79
00:02:56,654 --> 00:02:58,308
- Take a seat.
Relax. Relax.
80
00:02:58,352 --> 00:02:59,962
Ain't nothing bad happening.
We just want to talk.
81
00:03:00,005 --> 00:03:02,399
- Carrot, if you want.
- Hey, where's Shahzad?
82
00:03:02,443 --> 00:03:04,401
- He had to stay after school.
- Oh.
83
00:03:04,445 --> 00:03:05,881
Oh, yeah, the basketball team
84
00:03:05,924 --> 00:03:08,710
made the playoffs,
so he's at practice.
85
00:03:08,753 --> 00:03:12,583
[whistle blows]
86
00:03:12,627 --> 00:03:15,934
- Hey, Shahzad,
you have a second?
87
00:03:15,978 --> 00:03:17,414
Hi, Rain.
88
00:03:17,458 --> 00:03:20,069
- Um, how many girlfriends
have you had?
89
00:03:20,112 --> 00:03:21,853
Uh...
90
00:03:21,897 --> 00:03:24,421
just one,
but I don't really know
91
00:03:24,465 --> 00:03:26,075
if you can call her
a girlfriend.
92
00:03:26,118 --> 00:03:27,946
She wouldn't tell me
her middle name.
93
00:03:27,990 --> 00:03:29,861
- Could you remove--
94
00:03:29,905 --> 00:03:32,429
Oh.
95
00:03:32,473 --> 00:03:34,257
- Sorry.
- Thanks.
96
00:03:34,301 --> 00:03:36,085
Yeah, it was just a fling.
97
00:03:36,128 --> 00:03:38,566
We were only together
for about a couple weeks.
98
00:03:38,609 --> 00:03:40,568
So you guys hooked up?
99
00:03:40,611 --> 00:03:43,701
- I mean, I wouldn't
necessarily say we hooked up.
100
00:03:43,745 --> 00:03:45,616
Third base?
101
00:03:45,660 --> 00:03:48,445
Second? First?
102
00:03:48,489 --> 00:03:50,273
At any point,
were you ever on the field?
103
00:03:50,317 --> 00:03:54,277
- We definitely made out.
Why are you asking me this?
104
00:03:54,321 --> 00:03:56,279
- I'm trying to prove
my hypothesis.
105
00:03:56,323 --> 00:03:57,715
[scoffs] Which is?
106
00:03:57,759 --> 00:04:00,414
- That you never been
inside a woman.
107
00:04:00,457 --> 00:04:02,894
Kiss me.
108
00:04:02,938 --> 00:04:04,374
- [chuckles nervously]
What?
109
00:04:04,418 --> 00:04:06,942
Just do it, Shahzad.
110
00:04:10,728 --> 00:04:13,253
- Perfect.
- Wow, really?
111
00:04:13,296 --> 00:04:17,257
- Yeah, now I know for sure
that you're a virgin.
112
00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:20,172
Don't act so sad about it.
I'm one, too.
113
00:04:20,216 --> 00:04:21,739
But I want to get sex
out of the way
114
00:04:21,783 --> 00:04:23,306
before I leave for college.
115
00:04:23,350 --> 00:04:25,526
You're the perfect candidate
to do it with.
116
00:04:25,569 --> 00:04:27,310
I know you'll be gentle
and discreet.
117
00:04:27,354 --> 00:04:28,746
- [scoffs]
Wait.
118
00:04:28,790 --> 00:04:31,314
You want to have sex
with me right now?
119
00:04:31,358 --> 00:04:33,838
- Not now.
We have practice.
120
00:04:33,882 --> 00:04:37,712
But, yeah, I want to have sex.
That's the important part.
121
00:04:37,755 --> 00:04:39,061
Are you interested or not?
122
00:04:39,104 --> 00:04:42,543
- Yes, absolutely.
100%, I'm in.
123
00:04:42,586 --> 00:04:44,327
Well, I'm not in yet.
124
00:04:44,371 --> 00:04:46,938
- Calm down, Shahzad.
It's just sex.
125
00:04:46,982 --> 00:04:49,941
[whistle blows]
126
00:04:49,985 --> 00:04:54,946
♪
127
00:04:54,990 --> 00:04:57,514
- This weekend.
- Got ya.
128
00:04:59,951 --> 00:05:01,736
[upbeat hip-hop music]
129
00:05:01,779 --> 00:05:03,303
Whoo!
130
00:05:03,346 --> 00:05:05,348
I'm gonna have sex.
131
00:05:05,392 --> 00:05:10,310
♪
132
00:05:10,353 --> 00:05:11,920
So?
133
00:05:11,963 --> 00:05:13,661
- Uh, we just wanted to have
a little check-in.
134
00:05:13,704 --> 00:05:15,010
About?
135
00:05:15,053 --> 00:05:17,926
- You know,
relationships and stuff.
136
00:05:17,969 --> 00:05:19,362
You know, you're young.
137
00:05:19,406 --> 00:05:20,755
You might have
a lot of questions
138
00:05:20,798 --> 00:05:23,279
about relationships and stuff.
139
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:25,368
- So this is you guys
trying to give me the sex talk.
140
00:05:25,412 --> 00:05:27,675
- No, hold up. Don't be saying
the word "sex" like that.
141
00:05:27,718 --> 00:05:30,068
- Mom already gave me
the talk, remember?
142
00:05:30,112 --> 00:05:32,854
You skipped it because you said
the diagrams were too scary.
143
00:05:32,897 --> 00:05:34,551
They were very graphic.
144
00:05:34,595 --> 00:05:36,553
Hmm, speak for yourself.
145
00:05:36,597 --> 00:05:39,121
Those graphics did the job
when you in the pen.
146
00:05:39,164 --> 00:05:40,688
- I don't want to hear
any of this.
147
00:05:40,731 --> 00:05:42,167
- No, no, no.
- No, no, wait, wait, wait.
148
00:05:42,211 --> 00:05:43,995
- Amira. Amira.
- Wait, wait, wait.
149
00:05:44,039 --> 00:05:45,997
Listen to me.
150
00:05:46,041 --> 00:05:49,392
You'll end up in a situation
where you'll meet a boy.
151
00:05:49,436 --> 00:05:52,090
Mm, maybe he likes to wear
Yankee fitted caps and--
152
00:05:52,134 --> 00:05:53,962
- Or--yeah.
- We just want you to know
153
00:05:54,005 --> 00:05:57,574
we here if you need somebody
to rat to, talk to, you know?
154
00:05:57,618 --> 00:06:00,055
- Actually, um,
I do have some questions.
155
00:06:00,098 --> 00:06:01,404
All right. Here we are.
156
00:06:01,448 --> 00:06:02,971
That's what
we were looking for.
157
00:06:03,014 --> 00:06:05,190
- We got a few answers.
- Yeah, let 'em rip.
158
00:06:05,234 --> 00:06:07,410
- Come on.
- Let's rip, let's chat.
159
00:06:07,454 --> 00:06:10,021
- Okay,
so I was wondering, um--
160
00:06:10,065 --> 00:06:12,328
they call it a "blow job,"
you know?
161
00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:15,244
But where do you blow?
Is it the little tiny hole?
162
00:06:15,287 --> 00:06:16,854
Like an oboe?
163
00:06:16,898 --> 00:06:19,770
Also, if you swallow,
do you become pregnant?
164
00:06:19,814 --> 00:06:21,511
No answer?
165
00:06:21,555 --> 00:06:23,513
Also, I read a great
"Teen Vogue" article
166
00:06:23,557 --> 00:06:25,428
on prostate stimulation.
167
00:06:25,472 --> 00:06:27,299
Okay, well,
I'll send you guys the article,
168
00:06:27,343 --> 00:06:28,692
and you can tell me
your thoughts.
169
00:06:28,736 --> 00:06:31,042
Thanks so much, okay.
170
00:06:31,086 --> 00:06:32,392
Bye.
171
00:06:32,435 --> 00:06:34,655
♪
172
00:06:34,698 --> 00:06:36,091
[cell phone chimes]
173
00:06:36,134 --> 00:06:39,137
- Oh, my God,
she sent the article.
174
00:06:39,181 --> 00:06:41,705
- Do you know about this?
- Don't say nothing!
175
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:46,231
- Wait.
What is milking?
176
00:06:46,275 --> 00:06:48,712
- No, just leave this
right here.
177
00:06:52,629 --> 00:06:55,110
[upbeat music]
178
00:06:55,153 --> 00:06:56,894
♪
179
00:06:56,938 --> 00:06:59,157
- Hey, did you get everything
on the list I sent you?
180
00:06:59,201 --> 00:07:01,856
- All I got--Forget that list.
All I got is binoculars.
181
00:07:01,899 --> 00:07:03,292
Excuse me,
you dropped something.
182
00:07:03,335 --> 00:07:05,076
A conversation.
Can I pick up on it?
183
00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:06,774
- What about the disguises
and the rope?
184
00:07:06,817 --> 00:07:08,471
- No, listen,
we agreed to follow Amira
185
00:07:08,515 --> 00:07:10,125
to see who she's meeting,
and that's it.
186
00:07:10,168 --> 00:07:13,302
- Yeah, well, if he gets
handsy, I got a stun gun.
187
00:07:13,345 --> 00:07:15,086
- See, you getting overzealous
with it.
188
00:07:15,130 --> 00:07:16,827
Stun gun? Really, Josh?
Come on, man.
189
00:07:16,871 --> 00:07:18,873
This was supposed to be
just an intel mission, man,
190
00:07:18,916 --> 00:07:20,309
- nothing else.
- Oh wait, hold on.
191
00:07:20,352 --> 00:07:22,006
[door closes]
She's coming.
192
00:07:22,050 --> 00:07:24,705
- Oh. Bye, Dad.
- All right, bye.
193
00:07:24,748 --> 00:07:26,881
- Hey, where you going?
- Out.
194
00:07:26,924 --> 00:07:29,492
- With who?
- A friend.
195
00:07:29,536 --> 00:07:32,060
Love you.
Bye.
196
00:07:32,103 --> 00:07:34,236
- Love you.
[door opens]
197
00:07:38,153 --> 00:07:39,284
It's go time.
198
00:07:39,328 --> 00:07:42,636
[mysterious music]
199
00:07:42,679 --> 00:07:49,730
♪
200
00:07:51,383 --> 00:07:54,604
- Amira's on the move.
I repeat, on the move.
201
00:07:54,648 --> 00:07:58,782
♪
202
00:07:58,826 --> 00:08:03,439
- Yeah, I see. I see her.
She's walking fast.
203
00:08:05,006 --> 00:08:06,921
- Where are you, though?
- I'm right here.
204
00:08:06,964 --> 00:08:09,619
- Jesus Christ, man.
- I'm right here.
205
00:08:09,663 --> 00:08:12,013
- Put your phone--
- I don't--why am I talking--
206
00:08:12,056 --> 00:08:13,841
- I got my phone away.
Let's follow.
207
00:08:13,884 --> 00:08:16,452
- Can we go? Are you ready?
- Yeah.
208
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:20,935
♪
209
00:08:20,978 --> 00:08:22,545
- She said she was going
to meet a friend,
210
00:08:22,589 --> 00:08:24,242
but she didn't say who.
211
00:08:24,286 --> 00:08:26,680
- Did you ask her who?
- Oh, I'm not gonna do that.
212
00:08:26,723 --> 00:08:28,551
That's a violation
of her privacy.
213
00:08:28,595 --> 00:08:32,729
- No, this is violation
of her privacy.
214
00:08:32,773 --> 00:08:34,339
- Hi.
- What's up?
215
00:08:34,383 --> 00:08:35,384
Javi?
216
00:08:35,427 --> 00:08:37,386
♪
217
00:08:37,429 --> 00:08:39,562
- They just might be talking
about some tutoring stuff.
218
00:08:39,606 --> 00:08:41,695
♪
219
00:08:41,738 --> 00:08:44,698
- Yeah, yeah, if he needs help
in kissing class.
220
00:08:44,741 --> 00:08:47,352
♪
221
00:08:47,396 --> 00:08:51,400
[indistinct chatter]
222
00:08:51,443 --> 00:08:53,794
You know how Dominicans are.
223
00:08:53,837 --> 00:08:58,407
♪
224
00:08:58,450 --> 00:09:00,322
Dominicans are
very loving people.
225
00:09:00,365 --> 00:09:02,411
You know how the French do
the two kisses on the cheeks?
226
00:09:02,454 --> 00:09:03,978
Where you think
they got that from?
227
00:09:04,021 --> 00:09:06,589
- Dominicans.
- She lied to me.
228
00:09:06,633 --> 00:09:08,722
It makes me wonder, what else
is she lying about, you know?
229
00:09:08,765 --> 00:09:10,767
We should follow them
and see where they go next.
230
00:09:10,811 --> 00:09:12,203
- Josh, I'm gonna
ask you something.
231
00:09:12,247 --> 00:09:14,075
- What?
- What has gotten into you?
232
00:09:14,118 --> 00:09:16,381
Maybe we should just trust
in my mother's advice
233
00:09:16,425 --> 00:09:18,209
and say nothing, okay?
234
00:09:18,253 --> 00:09:20,516
Be like Bruce Lee.
Be like water.
235
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,431
Not like Jim Kelly.
236
00:09:22,474 --> 00:09:25,521
You come straight out
of a comic book, Mr. Han-man.
237
00:09:25,565 --> 00:09:27,218
- Okay, all right,
let's go home.
238
00:09:27,262 --> 00:09:28,872
- Let's go on home, man.
- Let's go home.
239
00:09:28,916 --> 00:09:31,875
- Let's go home.
- Let's go.
240
00:09:31,919 --> 00:09:33,224
- They all right.
Let's--
241
00:09:33,268 --> 00:09:35,226
You know what, Josh?
God damn it.
242
00:09:35,270 --> 00:09:40,492
♪
243
00:09:40,536 --> 00:09:42,233
Hey, how you doing?
244
00:09:42,277 --> 00:09:44,279
Um, I'd like to have a room,
please--king-size bed.
245
00:09:44,322 --> 00:09:46,150
- How long?
- Cal King.
246
00:09:46,194 --> 00:09:47,630
I heard it's longer.
247
00:09:47,674 --> 00:09:49,632
- No. How long do you want
the room for?
248
00:09:49,676 --> 00:09:51,895
20 minutes, 40 minutes,
an hour?
249
00:09:53,505 --> 00:09:54,898
- One hour.
- Mm.
250
00:09:54,942 --> 00:09:56,944
Look at you.
251
00:09:56,987 --> 00:10:00,425
- Here you go.
- Uh-uh. Cash only.
252
00:10:00,469 --> 00:10:03,428
- Who carries cash anymore?
- They do.
253
00:10:03,472 --> 00:10:06,649
[indistinct chatter]
254
00:10:06,693 --> 00:10:08,477
- Come on, son,
I'm on my lunch break.
255
00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:10,566
I got 35 minutes on my meter.
256
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:13,221
[scoffs]
257
00:10:13,264 --> 00:10:15,353
Think we lost them?
258
00:10:16,703 --> 00:10:18,661
They're still following us.
259
00:10:18,705 --> 00:10:23,057
♪
260
00:10:23,100 --> 00:10:25,276
Whatchu wanna do?
261
00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:26,930
[laughs]
262
00:10:26,974 --> 00:10:29,063
You know what would really
make their heads explode?
263
00:10:29,106 --> 00:10:31,065
- We're going in here.
- You're crazy.
264
00:10:31,108 --> 00:10:38,072
♪
265
00:10:38,115 --> 00:10:40,074
Let's check it out.
266
00:10:40,117 --> 00:10:42,859
♪
267
00:10:42,903 --> 00:10:45,209
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
268
00:10:45,253 --> 00:10:46,558
Three Xs.
269
00:10:48,604 --> 00:10:51,694
This is a sex shop.
Now we got to do something.
270
00:10:51,738 --> 00:10:53,870
- I thought Roberta said
to say nothing.
271
00:10:53,914 --> 00:10:55,611
- Yeah,
she said, "Say nothing."
272
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:57,961
She ain't say nothing about,
"Don't do nothing."
273
00:10:58,005 --> 00:11:00,703
- What is that?
- I don't know what that is.
274
00:11:00,747 --> 00:11:02,487
Look like a fist.
I don't know what it is.
275
00:11:05,839 --> 00:11:08,972
[hip-hop music]
276
00:11:09,016 --> 00:11:12,628
♪
277
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:16,023
- This is not the kind
of father that I wanted to be--
278
00:11:16,066 --> 00:11:17,807
hiding behind
a vibrating horse,
279
00:11:17,851 --> 00:11:21,550
watching my daughter browse
in a sex shop.
280
00:11:21,593 --> 00:11:24,118
- You watch your mouth.
Do you understand me?
281
00:11:24,161 --> 00:11:25,772
Don't you ever mention vibrate
282
00:11:25,815 --> 00:11:28,165
while our daughter
is browsing a sex shop, never.
283
00:11:28,209 --> 00:11:31,560
- What happened
to our sweet little girl?
284
00:11:31,603 --> 00:11:34,258
Something really changed,
like, three years ago.
285
00:11:34,302 --> 00:11:35,651
- So what you trying to say--
286
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:37,479
Amira's wilin' out
because of me?
287
00:11:37,522 --> 00:11:41,004
- No, no. I mean, just Shay
and I, we worked really hard
288
00:11:41,048 --> 00:11:43,180
to set boundaries for her,
and you come into her life,
289
00:11:43,224 --> 00:11:45,139
and you let her think she can
get away with anything.
290
00:11:45,182 --> 00:11:47,750
- That's just another fancy way
of saying it's my fault, okay?
291
00:11:47,794 --> 00:11:49,752
Maybe you didn't raise
her right.
292
00:11:49,796 --> 00:11:51,362
Okay, I've seen "Caligula,"
293
00:11:51,406 --> 00:11:54,583
and everybody on that ship
daddy was white.
294
00:11:54,626 --> 00:11:56,585
- If you two aren't gonna ride
the horsey,
295
00:11:56,628 --> 00:11:58,282
would you please move away
from my store?
296
00:11:58,326 --> 00:11:59,936
- Sorry about that.
- You're creeping people out.
297
00:11:59,980 --> 00:12:01,938
- I'm sorry.
- Sorry.
298
00:12:01,982 --> 00:12:03,679
Sorry.
299
00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:05,289
I think we can both agree
300
00:12:05,333 --> 00:12:07,335
we haven't always been
the best role models.
301
00:12:07,378 --> 00:12:08,945
Well, I will admit, you know,
302
00:12:08,989 --> 00:12:10,599
I wasn't no angel
when I was her age.
303
00:12:10,642 --> 00:12:12,383
I spent a lot of time
in stairwells.
304
00:12:12,427 --> 00:12:14,951
- Really? I was always
under the bleachers.
305
00:12:14,995 --> 00:12:16,648
It's like
the white man's stairwell.
306
00:12:16,692 --> 00:12:18,825
- Well, no wonder
she got daddy issues.
307
00:12:18,868 --> 00:12:21,218
Most people got one bad daddy.
She got two.
308
00:12:23,873 --> 00:12:26,789
- Oh, no, here they come.
Go, go, go, go...
309
00:12:26,833 --> 00:12:29,400
Oh, my God.
310
00:12:29,444 --> 00:12:31,228
They are so lame.
311
00:12:31,272 --> 00:12:32,969
Are they just gonna follow us
around all day,
312
00:12:33,013 --> 00:12:35,972
or are they gonna make a move?
313
00:12:36,016 --> 00:12:39,149
I mean, it's kind of cool.
314
00:12:39,193 --> 00:12:41,630
It's like we're in a spy movie
or something.
315
00:12:41,673 --> 00:12:44,415
- [chuckles]
[horse neighing]
316
00:12:44,459 --> 00:12:45,982
I know how to end this.
317
00:12:46,026 --> 00:12:47,201
Come on.
318
00:12:47,244 --> 00:12:51,771
♪
319
00:12:51,814 --> 00:12:54,599
- At least we're trying.
I mean, this shit is hard.
320
00:12:54,643 --> 00:12:56,297
I wish Shay was here to help.
321
00:12:56,340 --> 00:12:58,125
- Shay was just like Amira
when she was young, man.
322
00:12:58,168 --> 00:12:59,822
Had that
little rebellious stage,
323
00:12:59,866 --> 00:13:02,825
but thank God
everything worked out.
324
00:13:02,869 --> 00:13:06,220
- Wait, if Shay
was just like Amira,
325
00:13:06,263 --> 00:13:08,744
that makes you Javi.
326
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:10,224
Shit, you right.
327
00:13:10,267 --> 00:13:11,834
- They just went
in the pharmacy.
328
00:13:11,878 --> 00:13:14,619
- We got to stop them now.
Come on.
329
00:13:14,663 --> 00:13:16,447
Go, go, go, go, go.
330
00:13:16,491 --> 00:13:19,711
[upbeat music]
331
00:13:19,755 --> 00:13:26,806
♪
332
00:13:31,506 --> 00:13:33,377
Are you sure this is cool?
333
00:13:33,421 --> 00:13:35,640
- Oliver's parents are in Dubai
or Hong Kong.
334
00:13:35,684 --> 00:13:37,512
Trust me, it's gonna be okay.
335
00:13:37,555 --> 00:13:40,254
[doorbell rings]
336
00:13:44,345 --> 00:13:45,868
- Welcome
to The Smush House, guys.
337
00:13:45,912 --> 00:13:48,262
It's $15 for her,
$30 for you, cash only.
338
00:13:48,305 --> 00:13:49,872
No Venmo?
339
00:13:49,916 --> 00:13:51,874
- Do I look like a congressman
from Florida?
340
00:13:51,918 --> 00:13:53,789
Ugh, fine.
341
00:13:55,922 --> 00:13:59,664
- All right, have fun smushin',
you crazy kids.
342
00:13:59,708 --> 00:14:03,016
- You had cash this whole time?
- Yep.
343
00:14:03,059 --> 00:14:06,019
[smooth hip-hop music]
344
00:14:06,062 --> 00:14:08,586
♪
345
00:14:08,630 --> 00:14:12,068
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
346
00:14:12,112 --> 00:14:13,940
Excuse me, ma'am, do you guys
347
00:14:13,983 --> 00:14:17,508
have ultra-ribbed magnum
Consent-ex condoms, please?
348
00:14:17,552 --> 00:14:21,599
- Let me check. Do we have
Consent-ex condoms back there?
349
00:14:21,643 --> 00:14:23,427
Y'all getting rubbers?
350
00:14:23,471 --> 00:14:25,299
It's Taser time.
351
00:14:25,342 --> 00:14:27,475
[Taser discharges]
[grunts]
352
00:14:27,518 --> 00:14:31,131
[upbeat music]
353
00:14:31,174 --> 00:14:33,611
[Taser clicking]
354
00:14:33,655 --> 00:14:37,267
[grunting]
355
00:14:37,311 --> 00:14:41,881
♪
356
00:14:41,924 --> 00:14:43,578
- I told you not to
bring that thing.
357
00:14:43,621 --> 00:14:45,319
[groans]
358
00:14:45,362 --> 00:14:47,843
Oh, my God
359
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,801
Hey.
360
00:14:49,845 --> 00:14:52,979
- Well, I hope you proud
of yourself, Amira.
361
00:14:54,806 --> 00:14:58,027
Your little jokes and antics
could've got this man hurt.
362
00:14:58,071 --> 00:14:59,724
You followed us.
363
00:14:59,768 --> 00:15:01,552
- Yeah, that's why
we were messing with y'all.
364
00:15:01,596 --> 00:15:03,337
- Hey, if you were truthful
about who you were meeting,
365
00:15:03,380 --> 00:15:04,860
none of this
would have ever happened.
366
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:07,776
- I was truthful.
Javi is my friend.
367
00:15:07,819 --> 00:15:09,691
- Mm-mm.
That's a lie of omission.
368
00:15:09,734 --> 00:15:11,519
Tray's my friend,
but I don't kiss him.
369
00:15:11,562 --> 00:15:13,564
- Go to sex shops
or buy condoms.
370
00:15:13,608 --> 00:15:15,044
Javi's more than a friend.
371
00:15:15,088 --> 00:15:16,959
- Can you guys stop
treating me like a baby?
372
00:15:17,003 --> 00:15:19,875
To me, you are my baby, okay?
373
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:22,095
I just found out about you
three years ago.
374
00:15:22,138 --> 00:15:25,489
So, to me, in my mind,
that makes you three.
375
00:15:25,533 --> 00:15:26,969
I'm not three.
376
00:15:27,013 --> 00:15:29,406
I'm 17, and I'm about
to go to college.
377
00:15:29,450 --> 00:15:32,018
Amira, I know you 17,
378
00:15:32,061 --> 00:15:34,803
but I just got here.
379
00:15:34,846 --> 00:15:36,936
I feel like you leaving
the nest already.
380
00:15:38,807 --> 00:15:41,375
That's all.
381
00:15:41,418 --> 00:15:44,247
- Listen, everything's
gonna be okay.
382
00:15:44,291 --> 00:15:46,380
Look, I have two great dads
who taught me
383
00:15:46,423 --> 00:15:48,686
to never let me
blow up my life.
384
00:15:51,298 --> 00:15:53,387
Come here.
385
00:15:53,430 --> 00:15:56,738
- Hey, that's what
I like to see.
386
00:15:56,781 --> 00:16:00,829
♪
387
00:16:00,872 --> 00:16:03,005
- Nuh-uh.
- I got it.
388
00:16:03,049 --> 00:16:05,051
Oh, whoa, whoa.
389
00:16:06,574 --> 00:16:08,141
- What, you got to pee?
- No.
390
00:16:08,184 --> 00:16:09,751
- The Taser make you
feel that way.
391
00:16:09,794 --> 00:16:11,622
- No, it's worse.
I can't find my phone.
392
00:16:11,666 --> 00:16:14,016
Oh, I got you, Dad.
393
00:16:14,060 --> 00:16:17,715
Here, let me check
your location.
394
00:16:17,759 --> 00:16:20,892
- Upper East Side?
What's my phone doing up there?
395
00:16:20,936 --> 00:16:22,503
That's not your phone.
396
00:16:22,546 --> 00:16:24,896
That's Shahzad.
Your phone's in the pharmacy.
397
00:16:24,940 --> 00:16:27,421
- I did not know Shahzad kicked
it on the Upper East Side.
398
00:16:27,464 --> 00:16:29,118
That's because he doesn't.
399
00:16:29,162 --> 00:16:31,729
- The only thing that's up
there is The Smush House.
400
00:16:31,773 --> 00:16:33,079
- What the hell
is a smush house?
401
00:16:33,122 --> 00:16:34,863
- It's dope--
that's where people
402
00:16:34,906 --> 00:16:37,213
in Amira's school
go to take drugs and have sex.
403
00:16:37,257 --> 00:16:38,562
Oh.
404
00:16:38,606 --> 00:16:40,825
- We've never been.
I've just heard.
405
00:16:40,869 --> 00:16:42,479
- We got to go up there
right now.
406
00:16:42,523 --> 00:16:44,046
- Are you about to do
to Shahzad
407
00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:45,221
what you just did to me?
408
00:16:45,265 --> 00:16:46,570
- Yes.
- Absolutely.
409
00:16:46,614 --> 00:16:48,268
- Awesome.
[laughs]
410
00:16:48,311 --> 00:16:51,140
I'll call an Uber.
We'll get there so much faster.
411
00:16:51,184 --> 00:16:54,230
- ♪ Once upon a time,
and I heard that I was ugly ♪
412
00:16:54,274 --> 00:16:56,493
♪ Came from a bitch
who nigga wanna fuck on me ♪
413
00:16:56,537 --> 00:16:58,669
♪ I said my face bomb,
ass tight ♪
414
00:16:58,713 --> 00:17:00,062
♪ Racks stack up Shaq height
415
00:17:00,106 --> 00:17:01,890
♪ Jewelry on me, flashlight
416
00:17:01,933 --> 00:17:04,675
Man, I've seen crack houses
417
00:17:04,719 --> 00:17:06,416
with more supervision
than this.
418
00:17:06,460 --> 00:17:09,419
- Yeah. I can't believe
that kid didn't take Venmo.
419
00:17:09,463 --> 00:17:12,422
- You never brought my daughter
here before, right?
420
00:17:12,466 --> 00:17:13,902
Never, sir.
421
00:17:13,945 --> 00:17:17,253
- Y'all not smushing?
- Hell, no.
422
00:17:17,297 --> 00:17:19,125
- Let me tell you
something, man.
423
00:17:19,168 --> 00:17:21,910
I swore I would never
go back to jail.
424
00:17:21,953 --> 00:17:23,912
But for my daughter, I will.
425
00:17:23,955 --> 00:17:25,740
- Are we clear?
- Yes, sir.
426
00:17:25,783 --> 00:17:27,481
- You swear
on your mother's life?
427
00:17:27,524 --> 00:17:29,787
- I swear.
- Let's go.
428
00:17:33,878 --> 00:17:36,142
Wait, you're leaving already?
429
00:17:36,185 --> 00:17:40,059
- Yeah, turns out
I'm not really a cuddler.
430
00:17:40,102 --> 00:17:42,104
Thanks again
for the help, Shahzad.
431
00:17:42,148 --> 00:17:44,106
It was better
than I thought it'd be.
432
00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:46,369
- Well, can I at least
get a hug?
433
00:17:46,413 --> 00:17:48,458
[chuckles]
434
00:17:54,464 --> 00:17:57,119
- Rain?
- Nice, dude.
435
00:17:57,163 --> 00:18:00,514
- Wait, she's fully clothed,
and you're naked in bed?
436
00:18:00,557 --> 00:18:03,125
- Please tell me
you kept your socks on,
437
00:18:03,169 --> 00:18:06,172
'cause you're
not ready for love.
438
00:18:06,215 --> 00:18:09,175
[soft music]
439
00:18:09,218 --> 00:18:11,786
♪
440
00:18:11,829 --> 00:18:13,831
You didn't listen, did you?
441
00:18:13,875 --> 00:18:18,575
♪
442
00:18:18,619 --> 00:18:21,752
What part of "do nothing"
didn't you understand?
443
00:18:21,796 --> 00:18:24,146
- I should've listened
to you, Ma.
444
00:18:24,190 --> 00:18:27,149
Turns out one was a prankster,
and one's was a freak.
445
00:18:27,193 --> 00:18:29,412
Tray, they're growing up.
446
00:18:29,456 --> 00:18:32,589
They do things that you
better off not knowing about.
447
00:18:32,633 --> 00:18:34,722
Why you think I never asked
why you spent
448
00:18:34,765 --> 00:18:37,681
so much time with Maxine
in the projects' stairwell?
449
00:18:39,379 --> 00:18:40,858
You knew about that?
450
00:18:40,902 --> 00:18:44,688
- Everybody in the projects
knew about that!
451
00:18:44,732 --> 00:18:46,473
You have a very distinct moan.
452
00:18:46,516 --> 00:18:49,606
- Yeah, Ma, but I kept
my socks on, so it don't count.
453
00:18:49,650 --> 00:18:52,000
- Well, that's good,
because back then,
454
00:18:52,043 --> 00:18:54,742
you were not ready for love.
455
00:18:54,785 --> 00:18:56,439
And, also,
456
00:18:56,483 --> 00:19:00,400
that's why we don't talk
about things like this.
457
00:19:02,184 --> 00:19:04,926
Which one of my grandbabies
is a freak?
458
00:19:04,969 --> 00:19:07,972
- We not gonna talk about it.
- I bet it was Shahzad.
459
00:19:09,365 --> 00:19:11,193
Not just a freak.
460
00:19:11,237 --> 00:19:13,717
He's a witty-bitty
bing-bong freak.
461
00:19:13,761 --> 00:19:15,458
Oh.
462
00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:22,726
[funky music]
463
00:19:22,770 --> 00:19:25,164
[doorbell rings]
464
00:19:30,691 --> 00:19:33,824
- Hey, you're that--
- Yep.
465
00:19:33,868 --> 00:19:35,609
Have a nice day.
466
00:19:35,652 --> 00:19:37,524
Yeah, enjoy your lunch.
467
00:19:37,567 --> 00:19:39,221
I always do.
468
00:19:39,265 --> 00:19:41,092
- Mm-hmm.
469
00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:45,619
- ♪ The way that I met her
was on tour at a concert ♪
470
00:19:45,662 --> 00:19:48,230
♪ She had long hair
and a short miniskirt ♪
471
00:19:48,274 --> 00:19:51,059
♪ I just got onstage,
drippin', pourin' with sweat ♪
472
00:19:51,102 --> 00:19:54,062
♪ I was walking through the
crowd, and guess who I met ♪
473
00:19:54,105 --> 00:19:55,846
♪ You
474
00:19:55,890 --> 00:19:59,067
♪ You got what I need
475
00:19:59,110 --> 00:20:02,070
♪ But you say
he's just a friend ♪
476
00:20:02,113 --> 00:20:04,246
♪ And you say
he's just a friend ♪
477
00:20:04,290 --> 00:20:07,336
♪ Oh, baby, you
478
00:20:07,386 --> 00:20:11,936
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