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1
00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:06,008
"Happy Birthday, Big Man!
2
00:00:06,089 --> 00:00:08,049
"We love you,
Barack and Michelle.
3
00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:09,723
"In lieu of a gift,
we made a donation
4
00:00:09,801 --> 00:00:12,221
in your name to one
our favorite charities."
5
00:00:12,303 --> 00:00:13,683
Fuckin' lame!
6
00:00:13,763 --> 00:00:16,063
What about a donation
and a gift?
7
00:00:16,141 --> 00:00:17,271
Why don't they do that?
8
00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:18,890
You get it, Snowie.
Right?
9
00:00:18,977 --> 00:00:20,727
-Mm-hm.
-Santa: You've always been there for me.
10
00:00:20,812 --> 00:00:22,982
You know, I shouldn't
be telling anyone this,
11
00:00:23,064 --> 00:00:25,484
but I made a big decision,
and I just need to tell someone,
12
00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:27,277
or... I think
I'm gonna fuckin' puke.
13
00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:29,900
I've finally decided
who to make my Successor.
14
00:00:29,988 --> 00:00:31,608
-It's Candy!
-(cheers)
15
00:00:31,698 --> 00:00:32,908
Awesome choice, right?
16
00:00:32,991 --> 00:00:34,531
And the headlines will read,
17
00:00:34,617 --> 00:00:37,037
"Santa chooses
a woman Successor,
18
00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:39,120
and makes history! Again!"
19
00:00:39,205 --> 00:00:41,495
Boom!
But I'm gonna sit on it.
20
00:00:41,583 --> 00:00:44,633
Make the Board sweat it out.
Those fuckin' dicks.
21
00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:47,461
Okay, Snowie, see you around--
Well, not around, but, you know,
22
00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:49,627
in here, in the office,
where you live.
23
00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:52,046
I'll see you later. Jesus.
Whatever, you get it.
24
00:00:52,135 --> 00:00:52,965
(door closes)
25
00:00:53,052 --> 00:00:57,312
-(toilet flushes)
-Oh my shit!
26
00:00:57,390 --> 00:00:58,980
It should be me!
27
00:00:59,058 --> 00:01:00,138
(snow globe shatters)
28
00:01:00,226 --> 00:01:03,646
-Whoa!
-(bells jingling)
29
00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:06,400
(joyful music playing)
30
00:01:10,153 --> 00:01:11,323
(coughs)
31
00:01:15,992 --> 00:01:18,292
(Junior cries)
32
00:01:21,247 --> 00:01:23,117
(both laughing)
33
00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:26,538
Yes, teens, it is I.
Assuming you'd like a selfie.
34
00:01:26,628 --> 00:01:30,468
-With Junior?
The washed-up reindeer? -Ugh, no thanks.
35
00:01:30,548 --> 00:01:33,258
We heard you
beat up a woman just to become Santa?
36
00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:34,893
It was only a golf game!
37
00:01:34,969 --> 00:01:36,929
And I didn't touch
that lyin' dwarf!
38
00:01:37,013 --> 00:01:40,273
Ah! Run away!
He's toxic!
39
00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:41,520
Fuckin' fake news.
40
00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:44,731
Bitch elf, ruined
my gorgeous reputation.
41
00:01:45,688 --> 00:01:48,318
(choir music plays)
42
00:01:50,026 --> 00:01:51,686
You look like you
could use a friend.
43
00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:54,448
And, uh, maybe,
a career-saving makeover?
44
00:01:54,531 --> 00:01:56,531
(burps)
Amen to that.
45
00:01:56,616 --> 00:01:58,696
Candy: So I got rid
of that puss, Junior.
46
00:01:58,785 --> 00:02:00,195
Jingle Jim's a long shot.
47
00:02:00,286 --> 00:02:04,036
Larson and Timmy the Toy Guy
are my only real competition.
48
00:02:04,123 --> 00:02:06,383
And I am playing this
like a man would, right?
49
00:02:06,459 --> 00:02:09,209
You know what I'm talkin' about,
you handsome motherfucker.
50
00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:10,955
(both laughing)
51
00:02:11,047 --> 00:02:14,677
Candy, what a treat.
We never see you anymore.
52
00:02:14,759 --> 00:02:17,679
No guilt!
But it has been so long.
53
00:02:17,762 --> 00:02:19,352
I know.
Do I look taller to you?
54
00:02:19,430 --> 00:02:21,180
-Like, I feel taller.
-Maybe.
55
00:02:21,266 --> 00:02:23,516
Do I look any
different to you...
56
00:02:23,601 --> 00:02:26,191
like more pregnant?
Hint, hint.
57
00:02:26,271 --> 00:02:27,901
Whoa! What?
You're pregnant?
58
00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:30,731
-That-- What, what
did the doctor say? -I didn't go to a doctor.
59
00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:33,357
-What did the home
pregnancy test say? -Did not do one.
60
00:02:33,444 --> 00:02:36,574
-But you missed your period?
-No, I know my body,
61
00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:39,076
and it is carrying
Fun Size's sister.
62
00:02:39,158 --> 00:02:40,288
Probably named Symone.
63
00:02:40,368 --> 00:02:43,078
Okay, sorry.
I guess I'm wrong. Congrats.
64
00:02:43,162 --> 00:02:45,582
Thank you!
But don't tell anyone at work.
65
00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:48,125
Larson axes women
when they get pregnant.
66
00:02:48,209 --> 00:02:51,339
And he's currently fucking
two factory workers.
67
00:02:51,421 --> 00:02:54,171
-Identical twin sisters.
-Oh, is he?
68
00:02:54,257 --> 00:02:56,547
(ominous music plays)
69
00:02:56,634 --> 00:02:58,394
My baby shower is
this Saturday night.
70
00:02:58,469 --> 00:03:00,099
-Don't forget.
-Halloween?!
71
00:03:00,179 --> 00:03:02,469
No, I--
That's Santa's birthday.
72
00:03:02,557 --> 00:03:04,477
I'm the host this year.
It's a huge deal.
73
00:03:04,559 --> 00:03:07,979
Santa's birthday's practically
like a, a North Pole holiday.
74
00:03:08,062 --> 00:03:10,152
(cries)
What is next? Mother's Day?
75
00:03:10,231 --> 00:03:12,441
Okay, stop.
God, don't cry.
76
00:03:12,525 --> 00:03:14,105
It's fine.
I can do both.
77
00:03:14,193 --> 00:03:15,653
I can...
stop by here,
78
00:03:15,737 --> 00:03:17,027
and then
get to his thing.
79
00:03:17,113 --> 00:03:19,123
But I should
get to work right now, so...
80
00:03:19,198 --> 00:03:21,238
Cool!
And you don't have to get me a present.
81
00:03:21,326 --> 00:03:22,906
But if you do,
make it a gift card
82
00:03:22,994 --> 00:03:25,754
because I don't trust
your taste. Byeee.
83
00:03:25,830 --> 00:03:28,830
Timmy the Toy Guy:
I made a gift for Santa's birthday,
84
00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:31,747
and, well...
I wanted your opinion
85
00:03:31,836 --> 00:03:34,086
since you work
so closely together.
86
00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:36,932
Oh god, yeah.
I totally know his taste.
87
00:03:37,008 --> 00:03:39,588
(light music plays)
88
00:03:43,514 --> 00:03:44,854
Magnificent.
89
00:03:44,933 --> 00:03:46,563
But doesn't it look
a little like--
90
00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:49,153
A little like what?
91
00:03:49,228 --> 00:03:52,148
(ominous music plays)
92
00:03:52,231 --> 00:03:54,071
The perfect gift
for the man
93
00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:55,360
who has everything?
94
00:03:55,443 --> 00:03:58,323
Bravo, Timmy, bravo!
95
00:03:58,404 --> 00:03:59,744
Okay, so busy.
96
00:03:59,822 --> 00:04:01,492
Tight schedule. Gotta go.
97
00:04:03,117 --> 00:04:07,997
(laughs)
We've almost made it, Hans-Otto!
98
00:04:08,915 --> 00:04:10,825
(Jeremy laughs)
99
00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:12,497
Candy:
Seating chart? Done.
100
00:04:12,585 --> 00:04:15,455
Beverages? Done.
Appetizers? Done.
101
00:04:15,546 --> 00:04:16,876
All right, get up
and help, bozo.
102
00:04:16,965 --> 00:04:18,585
You're in charge
of ice sculptures.
103
00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:20,675
Sure, everybody
loves ice sculptures,
104
00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:22,550
but if I mush together
a bunch of human babies
105
00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:24,347
for my party,
they'll call me a monster.
106
00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:25,890
You know what? Excuse me,
107
00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:29,064
I need to cry
at the inhumanity displayed here.
108
00:04:29,143 --> 00:04:30,653
Don't follow me!
109
00:04:30,728 --> 00:04:32,018
Whoa! Look at you.
110
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:33,935
I didn't know it
was Picture Day.
111
00:04:34,023 --> 00:04:36,073
You look
Devin-ishly handsome.
112
00:04:36,150 --> 00:04:38,820
Just tryna step up my game.
113
00:04:38,903 --> 00:04:40,533
I...
114
00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:42,993
have something
to talk to you about,
115
00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:46,044
-but I'm really nervous.
-Aw, that's so flattering.
116
00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:47,829
Are you scared
shitless of me, too?
117
00:04:47,912 --> 00:04:50,372
I've always wanted someone
to be scared shitless of me.
118
00:04:50,456 --> 00:04:52,786
-Definitely. Very shitless.
-Yay!
119
00:04:52,875 --> 00:04:53,745
Okay, here it goes,
120
00:04:53,835 --> 00:04:55,085
if you're made Successor,
121
00:04:55,169 --> 00:04:57,259
I'd like to be considered
as your Number Two.
122
00:04:57,338 --> 00:05:00,548
I'm not just some college slob.
I want a career here.
123
00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:02,223
Look at this straight talk.
124
00:05:02,301 --> 00:05:04,181
And the ambition? I love it!
125
00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:06,432
Very Candy circa Boxing Day.
126
00:05:06,514 --> 00:05:09,394
And as far as becoming
my Number Two, with a shit-ton of training,
127
00:05:09,475 --> 00:05:11,975
I can possibly see it
happening in like 15 years,
128
00:05:12,061 --> 00:05:16,481
-but, you know, no promises.
-15 years, but no promises?
129
00:05:16,566 --> 00:05:20,106
Candy, you're making
a boy's dreams come true!
130
00:05:20,194 --> 00:05:23,744
Woo!
131
00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:25,703
You will never go
far in this industry
132
00:05:25,783 --> 00:05:27,743
by whirling
your boss around.
133
00:05:27,827 --> 00:05:28,867
Writin' that one down.
134
00:05:28,953 --> 00:05:30,123
All right,
let's get to work.
135
00:05:30,204 --> 00:05:31,834
I'm planning Santa's party.
136
00:05:31,914 --> 00:05:34,294
Brent always did
a lot of nice toasts,
137
00:05:34,375 --> 00:05:36,035
you know, "We love you...
blah, blah, blah."
138
00:05:36,127 --> 00:05:37,417
I wanna go bigger.
139
00:05:37,503 --> 00:05:40,383
I'm thinking I'd go
more roast than toast.
140
00:05:40,465 --> 00:05:41,755
Dudes love that shit!
141
00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:45,301
Brutality hidden under
the veil of lighthearted banter?
142
00:05:45,386 --> 00:05:46,966
Yeah! On my 21st,
143
00:05:47,055 --> 00:05:48,965
Horse Cock did
a tight 45 minutes
144
00:05:49,057 --> 00:05:50,597
on how fat my ass was.
145
00:05:50,683 --> 00:05:52,233
I laughed so hard that night...
146
00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:54,310
though I cried myself to sleep.
147
00:05:54,395 --> 00:05:55,895
I'm sure it was unrelated.
148
00:05:55,980 --> 00:05:58,610
Roasts are hilarious,
as long as you have good material.
149
00:05:58,691 --> 00:06:03,451
Oh, do I.
(ominous laugh)
150
00:06:03,529 --> 00:06:05,739
I-I can't stop
eating ham.
151
00:06:05,823 --> 00:06:07,873
When I was pregnant
with Fun Size,
152
00:06:07,950 --> 00:06:09,620
all I wanted
was Oreos.
153
00:06:09,702 --> 00:06:11,042
Isn't that kinda
cannibalistic?
154
00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:12,960
That'd be like
me eating venison.
155
00:06:14,832 --> 00:06:18,132
Ladies... Goldie.
156
00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:20,301
An invite to Santa's
birthday party?
157
00:06:20,379 --> 00:06:22,469
Candy said it was
for work people only.
158
00:06:22,548 --> 00:06:25,508
It is, but I'm
on a career track at Santa Inc.,
159
00:06:25,593 --> 00:06:27,683
and was given
a special plus-one
160
00:06:27,762 --> 00:06:30,722
to the North Pole's
biggest event of the year,
161
00:06:30,807 --> 00:06:32,307
besides Christmas,
of course.
162
00:06:32,391 --> 00:06:34,061
And you, m'lady,
163
00:06:34,143 --> 00:06:36,103
are the only one
I want to invite.
164
00:06:36,187 --> 00:06:39,357
Oh my god,
that is so sweet.
165
00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:41,030
Sorry, I can't.
166
00:06:41,109 --> 00:06:42,649
That's the night
of Cookie's baby shower.
167
00:06:42,735 --> 00:06:45,485
Oh my god,
that is so sweet.
168
00:06:45,571 --> 00:06:48,371
Oh, you can reject me now,
but I'll be back.
169
00:06:48,449 --> 00:06:51,039
We dyslexics
don't give up easily.
170
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:56,327
Oh! Oh! Oh!
171
00:06:56,415 --> 00:07:00,285
Oh-eee! Oh.
172
00:07:00,378 --> 00:07:02,378
Oh, that was great, oh.
173
00:07:02,463 --> 00:07:06,183
I'm sorry I screamed
about fuckin' a goblin before I came.
174
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:07,259
Don't read into that.
175
00:07:07,343 --> 00:07:10,353
Happy 75th birthday, Nick.
176
00:07:10,429 --> 00:07:13,019
Now maybe you'd
like to do oral sex?
177
00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:14,599
Sure, yeah,
I'll take another Viagra,
178
00:07:14,684 --> 00:07:16,694
and then I'll, uh,
have another erection,
179
00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:18,859
-and then, uh--
-I meant on me.
180
00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:21,148
What? On my birthday?
181
00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:25,902
Yes! Now get under those covers,
and go down on your fucking wife
182
00:07:25,987 --> 00:07:30,197
for once since
Biggie killed Tupac!
183
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:31,873
Jeremy (oh phone):
Oh... (gags)--
184
00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:33,411
Ah, I-- Ugh.
185
00:07:33,494 --> 00:07:35,294
I can't help tonight.
I'm sick.
186
00:07:35,371 --> 00:07:37,831
Yeah, I've got
a fever and chills.
187
00:07:37,915 --> 00:07:39,705
Jeremy, I know
you're lying.
188
00:07:39,792 --> 00:07:41,422
I can see you
floating by.
189
00:07:41,502 --> 00:07:43,382
Now I have to go.
You've made me late.
190
00:07:43,462 --> 00:07:45,552
Jeremy:
The one doing Molly isn't me!
191
00:07:45,631 --> 00:07:46,881
Hey, pass that Molly.
192
00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:49,006
Have fun
at Santa's party.
193
00:07:49,093 --> 00:07:51,723
We'll be spending
a quiet night at home.
194
00:07:51,804 --> 00:07:54,394
There's a World War I
doc I'm gonna watch.
195
00:07:54,473 --> 00:07:56,983
I'll always regret
never bein' in a war.
196
00:07:57,059 --> 00:07:58,939
Legal murder is the shit.
197
00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:01,730
And I'll spend the night
getting ahead on my taxes?
198
00:08:01,814 --> 00:08:04,864
Ha! I knew you
assholes are crashing.
199
00:08:04,942 --> 00:08:07,362
Just don't embarrass me
until my roast is over.
200
00:08:07,445 --> 00:08:09,775
This is gonna be Santa's
best birthday party ever.
201
00:08:09,864 --> 00:08:12,704
Could you make sure to mention
the retired coal miners?
202
00:08:12,783 --> 00:08:15,793
Exposure to that
fancy crowd will really help the cause.
203
00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:17,580
Grandpa, no.
Tonight's a celebration.
204
00:08:17,663 --> 00:08:19,713
It's not a time
for depressing shit like that.
205
00:08:19,790 --> 00:08:22,080
Coal miners' issues are
anything but depressing!
206
00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:24,248
Tony knows.
He's been hangin' out there lately.
207
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:28,047
(coughing)
208
00:08:28,132 --> 00:08:30,222
Bein' down there
gave me coal cough.
209
00:08:30,301 --> 00:08:33,221
Well, that's all
she wrote, evil world.
210
00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:34,886
See ya!
211
00:08:34,972 --> 00:08:37,022
Ahh!
212
00:08:37,099 --> 00:08:40,309
-(crash, car alarm beeps)
-(woman screams)
213
00:08:40,394 --> 00:08:44,234
Yeah, the coal miners' cause
is not depressing at all.
214
00:08:44,315 --> 00:08:45,815
(softly):
Oh shit.
215
00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:46,780
Candy says
216
00:08:46,859 --> 00:08:48,279
she's sorry
she can't come,
217
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,201
but she'll make
it up to you.
218
00:08:50,279 --> 00:08:51,449
I'm so sorry, Cook.
219
00:08:51,530 --> 00:08:53,160
To be honest,
I think I used
220
00:08:53,241 --> 00:08:56,621
this shower as an excuse
for us to spend time with her.
221
00:08:56,702 --> 00:08:59,712
You know what?
Go to Santa's birthday party with Devin.
222
00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:01,039
Really?
You wouldn't care?
223
00:09:01,123 --> 00:09:02,173
Oh, I would resent you,
224
00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:04,960
and talk tons of shit
for many years,
225
00:09:05,044 --> 00:09:06,964
but I can't control you...
226
00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:08,796
Kidding! I don't care.
227
00:09:08,881 --> 00:09:10,301
I have Craig and Fun Size.
228
00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:12,973
Now get outta here, bitch.
229
00:09:13,052 --> 00:09:16,182
Oh, that is the most
sentimental "bitch" I've ever said.
230
00:09:17,932 --> 00:09:21,442
Craig?
Runnin' low on ham!
231
00:09:21,519 --> 00:09:23,769
Candy:
Happy Birthday, Santa.
232
00:09:23,854 --> 00:09:27,484
Tonight there will be cake,
there will be presents...
233
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:31,357
and yes, oh yes,
there will be blood.
234
00:09:31,445 --> 00:09:35,945
I mean, not real,
but metaphorical blood.
235
00:09:36,033 --> 00:09:39,043
Guest: Hey, Candy.
Nice gangster costume!
236
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,160
This glass has a smudge.
Not acceptable.
237
00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:43,287
This is Santa's
birthday party!
238
00:09:43,374 --> 00:09:45,134
Take them all back.
239
00:09:45,209 --> 00:09:47,039
Pinocchio is
a bastardization
240
00:09:47,128 --> 00:09:50,258
-of an old fairytale
in which the boy dies-- -Sexy and hilarious.
241
00:09:50,339 --> 00:09:53,509
-(laughing)
-(party music plays)
242
00:09:53,592 --> 00:09:56,262
And, well, yes,
I'm the character The Great Gatsby
243
00:09:56,345 --> 00:09:58,385
from the book
"The Great Gatsby."
244
00:10:00,599 --> 00:10:02,559
-You look beautiful.
-I'm Tonya Harding.
245
00:10:02,643 --> 00:10:04,063
She was the first
American to land
246
00:10:04,145 --> 00:10:05,645
a triple axel
in competition.
247
00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:07,940
A badass and a true athlete.
248
00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:10,284
Double vodka martini.
Straight up.
249
00:10:10,359 --> 00:10:11,189
You got it.
250
00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:13,607
I love your costume,
Mrs. Claus.
251
00:10:13,696 --> 00:10:16,446
Did you want your
martini... dirty?
252
00:10:16,532 --> 00:10:19,542
(chuckles)
Make it filthy.
253
00:10:19,618 --> 00:10:20,998
So filthy someone
needs to call
254
00:10:21,078 --> 00:10:24,038
the Health Department.
(laughs)
255
00:10:24,123 --> 00:10:28,713
Welcome to Santa's
75th Birthday Extravaganza!
256
00:10:28,794 --> 00:10:31,054
It's a big one,
ladies and jellybeans.
257
00:10:31,130 --> 00:10:32,550
Now pipe down and shut it,
258
00:10:32,631 --> 00:10:35,551
or I'll mow your asses
to the ground!
259
00:10:35,634 --> 00:10:37,644
But first, a few of our
Successor contenders
260
00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:41,470
would like to speak
to Santa on his big day.
261
00:10:41,557 --> 00:10:42,887
(cheers)
262
00:10:42,975 --> 00:10:46,435
At first, I considered
the tried and true,
263
00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:48,230
a cupcake-of-the-month club
264
00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:50,274
subscription for Santa,
265
00:10:50,358 --> 00:10:52,358
but then, I was like,
266
00:10:52,443 --> 00:10:56,493
"What about two cupcakes
every month club?"
267
00:10:56,572 --> 00:10:59,532
Unfortunately,
it does not exist.
268
00:10:59,617 --> 00:11:01,487
So, I went--
And now...
269
00:11:01,577 --> 00:11:03,197
without further ado,
270
00:11:03,287 --> 00:11:05,617
I would like
to reveal to you,
271
00:11:05,706 --> 00:11:08,576
my gift for Santa.
272
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,798
-A toy that represents...
-(winding clicks)
273
00:11:10,878 --> 00:11:12,628
your lifetime.
274
00:11:12,713 --> 00:11:14,343
(music box plays)
275
00:11:14,423 --> 00:11:17,303
-(guest ooh and aah)
-Santa: Ah.
276
00:11:19,095 --> 00:11:22,305
(guests cheering
and applauding)
277
00:11:24,225 --> 00:11:26,095
Santa:
God.
278
00:11:26,185 --> 00:11:27,225
(sighs)
279
00:11:30,731 --> 00:11:33,401
Santa:
Bravo, bravo!
280
00:11:33,484 --> 00:11:34,494
Big Candy:
Psst, hey, honey.
281
00:11:34,568 --> 00:11:36,778
How'd you like
to meet Mr. Claus?
282
00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:38,572
Mr. Lobster Claws!
283
00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:41,076
(grunting)
284
00:11:41,158 --> 00:11:43,788
Candy:
Tonight we've heard some beautiful toasts.
285
00:11:43,869 --> 00:11:46,159
But now, let's get
to the real fun.
286
00:11:46,247 --> 00:11:48,707
A roast...
not of Santa...
287
00:11:48,791 --> 00:11:51,921
of my fellow
Successor contenders.
288
00:11:52,002 --> 00:11:54,382
Oh yeah! I love a roast!
289
00:11:54,463 --> 00:11:56,133
First of my rivals, Junior.
290
00:11:56,215 --> 00:11:59,425
But God and a bad game of golf
have already taken care of him.
291
00:11:59,510 --> 00:12:01,430
-(guests laughing)
-Guest: Oh, sick burn!
292
00:12:01,512 --> 00:12:03,012
So, let's move
on to Jingle Jim.
293
00:12:03,097 --> 00:12:05,717
Turns out he's had a hard life.
Why make it worse, right?
294
00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:08,768
Amp it up!
You're bein' too nice. Be a bad bitch!
295
00:12:08,853 --> 00:12:11,153
Hold your reindeer,
birthday boy!
296
00:12:11,230 --> 00:12:13,150
Now, what about
our own Timmy?
297
00:12:13,232 --> 00:12:15,112
All he ever talks
about is toys.
298
00:12:15,192 --> 00:12:17,902
I had no idea he was
a history buff, too...
299
00:12:17,987 --> 00:12:19,857
until I saw
his gift to Santa.
300
00:12:19,947 --> 00:12:24,027
It blew me away
in about six million different ways.
301
00:12:24,118 --> 00:12:28,618
-(guests booing)
-I did not see that when I designed it.
302
00:12:28,706 --> 00:12:33,036
Not see!
You hear me? Not see!
303
00:12:34,170 --> 00:12:37,050
Not see! Am I helping?!
304
00:12:37,131 --> 00:12:38,591
Oh, he is a Nazi.
305
00:12:38,674 --> 00:12:40,474
Holy shit!
306
00:12:40,551 --> 00:12:43,761
That might have
actually been the best moment of my entire life.
307
00:12:43,846 --> 00:12:45,676
(quietly):
Bang bang, fuck face.
308
00:12:45,764 --> 00:12:48,064
Oh my god,
that was awful.
309
00:12:48,142 --> 00:12:50,442
Let's continue
with something sweeter...
310
00:12:50,519 --> 00:12:52,649
or someone sweeter.
311
00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:55,190
Our own Larson,
King of Chocolate,
312
00:12:55,274 --> 00:12:58,074
and a longtime supporter
of women's rights,
313
00:12:58,152 --> 00:13:00,742
not to mention
their tits and asses.
314
00:13:00,821 --> 00:13:03,741
Ha! I wish.
Married 28 years.
315
00:13:03,824 --> 00:13:05,164
And I don't
need to cheat.
316
00:13:05,242 --> 00:13:07,502
My hot wife and I
fuck constantly!
317
00:13:07,578 --> 00:13:09,748
She just gave me
a handy under the table!
318
00:13:09,830 --> 00:13:10,830
Both: Larson!
319
00:13:10,915 --> 00:13:12,785
You told me you
guys never fucked!
320
00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:13,955
Wait, what?!
321
00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:15,713
You don't even have a vagina.
322
00:13:15,794 --> 00:13:17,594
Mrs. Claus:
A cheater as Santa?
323
00:13:17,671 --> 00:13:20,381
Jingle Jim:
A swinger as Successor?
324
00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:23,636
This is going to alienate
the evangelicals.
325
00:13:23,719 --> 00:13:25,389
Massacre complete.
326
00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:29,181
I am so shocked and sorry
by what's happened.
327
00:13:29,266 --> 00:13:32,136
I had no idea some
lighthearted roasting
328
00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:35,108
would reveal such
character damnation.
329
00:13:35,189 --> 00:13:36,319
My bad.
330
00:13:36,398 --> 00:13:37,898
Do not apologize!
331
00:13:37,983 --> 00:13:41,243
A party mixed
with presents, a toast, roasts,
332
00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:43,200
a Nazi, and sizzling gossip?
333
00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:45,740
Hands down, weirdest
and best birthday ever!
334
00:13:45,824 --> 00:13:46,914
Thanks, Santa.
335
00:13:46,992 --> 00:13:48,082
Now let's get
to the moment
336
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:50,080
we've all been
waiting for, shall we?
337
00:13:50,162 --> 00:13:52,502
Ah-ha.
Ah-ha!
338
00:13:52,581 --> 00:13:55,461
Important people
of Santa Inc.!
339
00:13:55,543 --> 00:13:59,383
The coal miners are
the unsung heroes of Santa Inc.,
340
00:13:59,463 --> 00:14:02,683
and we are treated
like shit by you,
341
00:14:02,758 --> 00:14:07,258
so tonight we sing
to you of our plight.
342
00:14:07,346 --> 00:14:08,846
♪ Coal mines make me sick ♪
343
00:14:08,931 --> 00:14:10,391
♪ But not sick like my dick ♪
344
00:14:10,474 --> 00:14:12,234
Stop it!
Grandpa, Tony,
345
00:14:12,309 --> 00:14:15,559
you're ruining this party!
Nobody cares about coal!
346
00:14:15,646 --> 00:14:17,476
Candy!
How could you?
347
00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:19,435
You're a coal
miner's daughter!
348
00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:21,145
Poppin' out of a cake!
349
00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:23,235
Happy Birthday, Big Guy!
350
00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:24,530
Santa and The Board,
351
00:14:24,613 --> 00:14:27,743
you all have coal dust
on your hands!
352
00:14:27,825 --> 00:14:30,655
Wow, this is a lot--
353
00:14:30,744 --> 00:14:32,664
-Guest 1: Oh my god!
-Call 911!
354
00:14:32,746 --> 00:14:34,576
Guest 2:
We better not get blamed for this shit.
355
00:14:34,665 --> 00:14:37,125
-Guest 3: I was in the Bahamas.
-Oh my god.
356
00:14:37,209 --> 00:14:39,589
Essential services
is down because of the blizzard.
357
00:14:39,670 --> 00:14:41,130
-What about the sleigh?
-Oh shit!
358
00:14:41,213 --> 00:14:43,473
-I'm having it renovated.
-What do we do?
359
00:14:45,676 --> 00:14:47,466
Follow me!
360
00:14:47,553 --> 00:14:50,473
-(panting)
-(intense music plays)
361
00:14:50,556 --> 00:14:53,726
I got you, Santa.
I got you.
362
00:14:53,809 --> 00:14:54,809
Oh God.
363
00:14:54,893 --> 00:14:55,983
Fat Man is
in the building!
364
00:14:56,061 --> 00:14:57,651
10 cc's of eggnog, stat!
365
00:14:57,730 --> 00:15:00,360
Oh god.
Please save Santa.
366
00:15:00,441 --> 00:15:02,321
(grunting)
367
00:15:05,863 --> 00:15:08,163
♪ ♪
368
00:15:16,248 --> 00:15:18,078
Candy:
He's the strongest person there is.
369
00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:19,747
There's no way
he won't be okay.
370
00:15:19,835 --> 00:15:23,205
I think what would help
Santa now is the love of my new BFF.
371
00:15:23,297 --> 00:15:24,967
I'm talkin'
about Christ.
372
00:15:25,049 --> 00:15:26,379
My boy J.C.!
373
00:15:26,467 --> 00:15:29,257
Accept Jesus into your
life with this baptism!
374
00:15:29,345 --> 00:15:31,845
Save your soul
and Santa's life.
375
00:15:31,930 --> 00:15:33,720
-Get off of her!
-Dr. Fruitcake: Mrs. Claus,
376
00:15:33,807 --> 00:15:35,677
I have some good news
and some bad news.
377
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:38,848
-The good news is,
Santa is in stable condition. -(all sigh with relief)
378
00:15:38,937 --> 00:15:40,647
The bad news is,
the stable condition,
379
00:15:40,731 --> 00:15:42,731
-is a medically induced coma.
-(all gasp)
380
00:15:42,816 --> 00:15:44,736
Which is actually good news
because it gives us time
381
00:15:44,818 --> 00:15:48,358
-to prepare for a very lengthy
and complicated surgery. -(all sigh with relief)
382
00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:49,947
-Which is bad news.
-(all gasp)
383
00:15:50,032 --> 00:15:52,372
Because I won't
be home for dinner and it's lasagna night,
384
00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:57,211
and, I, like a certain
feline named Garfield, live for lasagna,
385
00:15:57,289 --> 00:16:00,959
but I guess that's
just bad news for me.
386
00:16:03,545 --> 00:16:07,465
All right, we have no choice
but to enact Article Seven,
387
00:16:07,549 --> 00:16:10,759
Subsection B of
the North Pole Edict:
388
00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:12,430
(clears throat)
389
00:16:12,513 --> 00:16:14,603
"When a Santa
becomes incapacitated,
390
00:16:14,682 --> 00:16:16,232
"and cannot carry
out his duties,
391
00:16:16,308 --> 00:16:19,348
the Board must anoint
an Acting Santa."
392
00:16:19,436 --> 00:16:21,726
Now, normally this
would be the Successor,
393
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:23,944
but since Santa's
been stringing us along
394
00:16:24,024 --> 00:16:26,154
like he's in
a filthy reality show,
395
00:16:26,235 --> 00:16:30,315
we are obligated to go
with the highest-ranking member of Santa Inc.,
396
00:16:30,406 --> 00:16:32,566
which, in this case,
would be...
397
00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:35,448
-(patriotic music plays)
-I, Candy Smalls, do solemnly swear
398
00:16:35,536 --> 00:16:39,246
to honor all the traditions
and spirit of Christmas...
399
00:16:39,331 --> 00:16:43,541
and will to the best
of my abilities preserve and protect...
400
00:16:45,337 --> 00:16:46,587
Jingle Jim:
Well, well, well,
401
00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:49,512
if it isn't the first Santa
who pees sitting down.
402
00:16:49,591 --> 00:16:52,511
Ha, ha.
Is there any update on Santa's condition?
403
00:16:52,594 --> 00:16:54,474
Is he, is he dead?
404
00:16:54,555 --> 00:16:57,555
-He's still in surgery.
-Oh! We did it!
405
00:16:57,641 --> 00:17:00,601
Yeah!
Y'all a bunch of ugly losers!
406
00:17:00,686 --> 00:17:02,476
And me and Candy,
but mostly me,
407
00:17:02,563 --> 00:17:05,443
are a couple
of sexy-ass winners!
408
00:17:05,524 --> 00:17:07,744
Enough, Jeremy.
You're lazy and entitled,
409
00:17:07,818 --> 00:17:10,148
and I thought you'd
grow up and change, but you haven't.
410
00:17:10,237 --> 00:17:11,447
So, you're fired.
411
00:17:11,530 --> 00:17:13,620
Wha-- Candy!
412
00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:16,159
How can you do that to me?
413
00:17:16,243 --> 00:17:17,453
Wait, do I get unemployment?
414
00:17:17,536 --> 00:17:21,036
Because if I do, whatever,
but if I don't, you suck!
415
00:17:21,123 --> 00:17:23,423
Ah, there you are!
It's Cookie. She went into labor.
416
00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:25,460
Craig texted me,
and said something went wrong.
417
00:17:25,544 --> 00:17:28,014
Girl Santa on the move.
Girl Santa on the move.
418
00:17:28,088 --> 00:17:31,298
Mm, mm, mm.
This whole thing sucks.
419
00:17:31,383 --> 00:17:33,473
I'm sorry
the coffee's so bad.
420
00:17:33,552 --> 00:17:36,262
-I hate hospitals.
-Oh, me too.
421
00:17:36,346 --> 00:17:38,216
You know, uh, when
I was getting divorced,
422
00:17:38,307 --> 00:17:40,887
I read something about how,
at the end of the day,
423
00:17:40,976 --> 00:17:43,346
we just need to tuck our
worries under the pillow,
424
00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:45,107
and have faith that,
by morning,
425
00:17:45,189 --> 00:17:46,479
they'll all float away.
426
00:17:46,565 --> 00:17:48,225
That's from
the Tooth Fairy's memoir,
427
00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:49,647
"Beneath the Pillow."
428
00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:52,145
I just read that!
That's what my costume is!
429
00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:54,487
Oh yeah.
That's right.
430
00:17:54,573 --> 00:17:56,873
Is she just so darn
impressive or what?
431
00:17:56,950 --> 00:17:59,830
Really, the Tooth Fairy's
the only self-made woman
432
00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:01,462
in the whole
holiday industry.
433
00:18:01,538 --> 00:18:04,958
She really is.
If only all of us could have...
434
00:18:05,042 --> 00:18:07,382
that woman's
courage, I--
435
00:18:09,004 --> 00:18:12,384
I'm sorry.
I should probably go.
436
00:18:12,466 --> 00:18:15,386
Well, uh, hey,
if there's ever anything you need,
437
00:18:15,469 --> 00:18:18,099
you just knock
on the door of the Thirsty Deer,
438
00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:19,470
and I'll be there.
439
00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:22,845
Cookie, are you okay?
440
00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:25,845
Aw, my friends.
I have sad news.
441
00:18:25,938 --> 00:18:29,938
I gave birth to a seven-pound
six-ounce honey-baked ham.
442
00:18:30,025 --> 00:18:32,065
It was
a hysterical pregnancy.
443
00:18:32,152 --> 00:18:33,702
Symone was a ham!
444
00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:35,859
So, you're okay?
Good. What a relief.
445
00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:38,278
But, hey, did you hear?
I'm Acting Santa!
446
00:18:38,367 --> 00:18:42,037
How cool is that?
Ho, ho, ho. Ha!
447
00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:43,580
I mean, hopefully,
he'll be fine.
448
00:18:43,664 --> 00:18:44,714
Fuck, I'm hungry.
449
00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:46,420
Hm, and so insensitive.
450
00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:47,960
What does that mean?
An elf can't eat
451
00:18:48,043 --> 00:18:49,883
a big hunk
of rye bread anymore?
452
00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:51,512
You flaked on the baby shower,
453
00:18:51,588 --> 00:18:53,878
before we found out
it was a ham shower,
454
00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:55,716
but it was still
a big event for her.
455
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:58,511
You're talking about
being there for Cookie's life moments?
456
00:18:58,595 --> 00:19:00,215
You fucked the best man
at her wedding.
457
00:19:00,305 --> 00:19:02,015
So what?
That happens all the time.
458
00:19:02,099 --> 00:19:03,229
During the ceremony?
459
00:19:03,308 --> 00:19:05,438
My mother still cries
when she talks about it.
460
00:19:05,519 --> 00:19:08,359
I'm just saying, I've always
been there for both of you,
461
00:19:08,438 --> 00:19:11,938
and now if I'm, maybe,
being a little bit self-focused,
462
00:19:12,025 --> 00:19:14,525
I would, you know, think
you would give me a pass.
463
00:19:14,611 --> 00:19:16,701
We've given you
a lot of passes lately.
464
00:19:16,780 --> 00:19:19,240
And, Candy, I saw your
face during that roast...
465
00:19:19,324 --> 00:19:22,334
You were so vicious.
I didn't even recognize you.
466
00:19:22,411 --> 00:19:24,501
Ms. Smalls,
there's an update on Santa's condition.
467
00:19:24,580 --> 00:19:27,330
Oh my god, is he dead?!
I mean, is he okay? Is he well?
468
00:19:27,416 --> 00:19:30,086
-Unknown.
-I gotta go. I'll check in later.
469
00:19:30,168 --> 00:19:33,168
And then, like,
after three years, she fires me.
470
00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:34,415
It's so unfair.
471
00:19:34,506 --> 00:19:36,796
If anything,
I deserve a raise and my own assistant.
472
00:19:36,884 --> 00:19:38,434
You agree, right?
473
00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:40,300
Have you even been
listening to me?
474
00:19:40,387 --> 00:19:43,847
My last words are...
(gasps for air)
475
00:19:43,932 --> 00:19:47,142
you seem super-entitled.
476
00:19:47,227 --> 00:19:49,147
-(flatline)
-(family cries)
477
00:19:49,229 --> 00:19:51,689
Um, not sure
which one of you that was for,
478
00:19:51,773 --> 00:19:53,113
but I hope you
learn from this.
479
00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:54,652
It was a mild heart arrhythmia.
480
00:19:54,735 --> 00:19:55,605
Mrs. Claus is with him.
481
00:19:55,694 --> 00:19:57,284
So, he's really
gonna be okay?
482
00:19:57,362 --> 00:19:59,282
Yes!
Why do you all look so alarmed?
483
00:19:59,364 --> 00:20:01,204
Because you're
covered in old blood!
484
00:20:01,283 --> 00:20:02,203
It's just chocolate.
485
00:20:02,284 --> 00:20:03,874
One of the nurses
brought brownies.
486
00:20:03,952 --> 00:20:05,582
But I'm afraid those
delicious treats
487
00:20:05,662 --> 00:20:08,122
have zero percent
chance of survival.
488
00:20:08,206 --> 00:20:11,876
As soon as Santa recovers,
he must name a Successor.
489
00:20:14,212 --> 00:20:17,802
And Devin
just kept going through the snow
490
00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:19,013
until he
got you here.
491
00:20:19,092 --> 00:20:21,222
You know, he's big,
but he doesn't seem strong.
492
00:20:21,303 --> 00:20:24,813
I guess it's like
when a mom lifts a van off her baby, you know?
493
00:20:24,890 --> 00:20:27,940
Like, he saw me,
his hero, in trouble,
494
00:20:28,018 --> 00:20:29,978
and... he just
Hulked the fuck out.
495
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:32,982
Santa!
I'm so glad you're okay.
496
00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:36,685
I guess it's true what they say,
your heart is way too big.
497
00:20:36,777 --> 00:20:38,357
It wasn't his heart.
498
00:20:38,445 --> 00:20:41,565
Um... his lap
implants burst,
499
00:20:41,657 --> 00:20:43,327
which led to sepsis.
500
00:20:43,408 --> 00:20:45,198
I thought the implants
were indestructible,
501
00:20:45,285 --> 00:20:47,995
like part titanium
and part dinosaur or something.
502
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:52,210
I did, too, but I guess it
just took a special situation to break them down.
503
00:20:52,292 --> 00:20:55,002
You see, Candy, earlier today
I was going down on Mrs. Claus,
504
00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:58,047
-cunnilingus--
-She doesn't need this information!
505
00:20:58,131 --> 00:20:59,631
No, no, she does,
and it's fine.
506
00:20:59,716 --> 00:21:00,876
Look, Candy, it's just that,
507
00:21:00,968 --> 00:21:02,508
to get my tongue
at the right angle,
508
00:21:02,594 --> 00:21:03,974
I have to spread
my legs like a dog,
509
00:21:04,054 --> 00:21:07,724
-like lying on a rug kinda--
-This is so humiliating.
510
00:21:07,808 --> 00:21:09,138
(awkward laughter)
511
00:21:11,436 --> 00:21:13,686
(Candy laughs)
512
00:21:13,772 --> 00:21:16,192
(laughs)
Ho, ho, ho!
513
00:21:16,274 --> 00:21:18,284
Santa:
Man of the hour.
514
00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:19,740
Come on in.
515
00:21:19,820 --> 00:21:21,360
For carrying me all that way,
516
00:21:21,446 --> 00:21:27,236
I can only say with the deepest
and most sincere gratitude,
517
00:21:27,327 --> 00:21:29,707
I fuckin' owe you, brah.
518
00:21:29,788 --> 00:21:31,578
Just happy I could help.
519
00:21:31,665 --> 00:21:33,035
Hey, I know
it's late, but...
520
00:21:33,125 --> 00:21:35,205
I've got some
special visitors.
521
00:21:35,293 --> 00:21:37,003
(all laughing)
522
00:21:37,087 --> 00:21:38,547
Come on,
you little rascal.
523
00:21:38,630 --> 00:21:40,470
What did you
guys wanna say?
524
00:21:40,549 --> 00:21:42,339
Kids:
Get well soon, Santa!
525
00:21:42,426 --> 00:21:44,296
That was better
than any medicine.
526
00:21:44,386 --> 00:21:47,346
Except for
the medicine of morphine,
527
00:21:47,431 --> 00:21:49,221
which is...
much better.
528
00:21:49,307 --> 00:21:51,347
All right, people!
Santa needs to rest.
529
00:21:51,435 --> 00:21:52,845
Party's over.
Outta here.
530
00:21:52,936 --> 00:21:54,896
-Skedaddle. Shoo, shoo.
-Ooh, an elf.
531
00:21:54,980 --> 00:21:57,150
-I like your ears.
-No! I-- Don't touch my ears!
532
00:21:57,232 --> 00:21:58,902
They're sensitive!
Stop it! No!
533
00:21:58,984 --> 00:22:01,994
Bad kid! Easy, easy. Ahh!
534
00:22:02,070 --> 00:22:03,740
Let go of me on
the count of three.
535
00:22:03,822 --> 00:22:06,912
One, two--
Aah! Stop it! Ow!
536
00:22:06,992 --> 00:22:09,292
-Kid: Get over here, shorty.
-Candy: F-ing stop!
537
00:22:09,369 --> 00:22:13,419
Ugh, what a fucking night.
Oh god, now it's even worse.
538
00:22:13,498 --> 00:22:15,078
We're goin' to stay
with Uncle Ding Dong,
539
00:22:15,167 --> 00:22:17,587
even though he
has a mink farm in his living room.
540
00:22:17,669 --> 00:22:19,249
It's better than
staying with you,
541
00:22:19,337 --> 00:22:20,207
‘cause you're the worst.
542
00:22:20,297 --> 00:22:22,127
I will not sleep
in this house
543
00:22:22,215 --> 00:22:24,375
for one more night
with a traitor!
544
00:22:24,468 --> 00:22:25,758
Well,
I totally agree!
545
00:22:25,844 --> 00:22:28,644
I was just coming home
to kick you guys out!
546
00:22:28,722 --> 00:22:31,732
I can't believe the shit
you pulled at Santa's party!
547
00:22:31,808 --> 00:22:33,058
You're the traitors!
548
00:22:33,143 --> 00:22:34,943
-(knock on window)
-Snowman: Candy,
549
00:22:35,020 --> 00:22:36,940
I finally found you.
550
00:22:37,022 --> 00:22:40,072
-Snowie?
-I've been sitting in Santa's office so long,
551
00:22:40,150 --> 00:22:41,900
I lost my sense
of direction.
552
00:22:41,985 --> 00:22:43,775
But I have
to tell you,
553
00:22:43,862 --> 00:22:46,742
yesterday,
I heard Santa say
554
00:22:46,823 --> 00:22:49,583
who he's choosing
as a Successor.
555
00:22:49,659 --> 00:22:51,039
Crazy, right?
556
00:22:51,119 --> 00:22:53,329
Yes, crazy,
and a name, please?
557
00:22:53,413 --> 00:22:55,793
Oh my gosh,
I forgot to say.
558
00:22:55,874 --> 00:22:57,674
I've been in that
globe so long,
559
00:22:57,751 --> 00:22:59,841
my social skills
are a bit cloudy.
560
00:22:59,920 --> 00:23:01,880
Goddammit,
Snowie, who is it?
561
00:23:01,963 --> 00:23:04,013
Santa's choosing you!
562
00:23:04,091 --> 00:23:06,431
Now I'm going
to make up for lost time.
563
00:23:06,510 --> 00:23:09,680
I've been craving
a cobb salad for 17 years.
564
00:23:09,763 --> 00:23:14,063
(screaming)
Wah!
565
00:23:14,935 --> 00:23:17,145
I did it. I won.
566
00:23:17,229 --> 00:23:19,399
I'm going down in history.
567
00:23:19,481 --> 00:23:23,071
Everybody's a sucker but me!
568
00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:28,870
You just can't get a good
cobb salad in a snow globe.
569
00:23:28,949 --> 00:23:33,289
-Gotcha, ya icy bastard!
-Ahh! No!
570
00:23:39,584 --> 00:23:41,754
(toys whirring)
571
00:23:44,214 --> 00:23:47,304
(joyful music playing)
572
00:23:51,263 --> 00:23:54,313
(toys whirring)
573
00:24:01,273 --> 00:24:03,323
♪ ♪
574
00:24:13,285 --> 00:24:15,325
♪ ♪
575
00:24:25,130 --> 00:24:27,300
♪ ♪
576
00:24:27,350 --> 00:24:31,900
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