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1
00:00:06,892 --> 00:00:07,980
♪
2
00:00:08,024 --> 00:00:09,068
DEE:
No.
3
00:00:09,112 --> 00:00:10,809
No, no. This can't be happening.
4
00:00:10,852 --> 00:00:13,464
[stammering]:
I-I-I'm too young.
5
00:00:13,507 --> 00:00:15,553
No, why are you doing this?
I don't want to change.
6
00:00:15,596 --> 00:00:16,902
I don't want to change.
Oh, God, it's hot.
7
00:00:16,945 --> 00:00:19,426
It's always so goddamn hot.
8
00:00:19,470 --> 00:00:22,299
Someone's got to crack a door
or a window. Oh, God, no.
9
00:00:22,342 --> 00:00:24,736
It's all happening too fast.
[stammering]
10
00:00:24,779 --> 00:00:26,781
I had plans, and they
w-were perfect plans.
11
00:00:26,825 --> 00:00:28,653
This is just all too soon!
12
00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:30,307
[door opens and closes]
13
00:00:30,350 --> 00:00:32,874
What the hell was that about?
14
00:00:32,918 --> 00:00:36,313
I'll tell you what that
was about-- menopause.
15
00:00:36,356 --> 00:00:38,402
-What? Men... Menopause?
-Oh, for real? -Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.
16
00:00:38,445 --> 00:00:40,143
I went through the same thing
with Barbara.
17
00:00:40,186 --> 00:00:42,928
Overnight, she became
completely irrational
18
00:00:42,971 --> 00:00:45,235
with the hot flashes
and the mood swings
19
00:00:45,278 --> 00:00:48,455
and the paranoia. [groans]
That was the worst.
20
00:00:48,499 --> 00:00:50,675
Always accusing me
of having affairs.
21
00:00:50,718 --> 00:00:52,764
Hmm, right. But you were
having affairs.
22
00:00:52,807 --> 00:00:54,722
Yeah, but it was
a real headache,
23
00:00:54,766 --> 00:00:56,768
and you can't have
that around here.
24
00:00:56,811 --> 00:00:59,118
I don't want this to be taken
the wrong way 'cause,
25
00:00:59,162 --> 00:01:00,467
you know, I slept
with Dee that one time...
26
00:01:00,511 --> 00:01:01,555
-[groans]
-...but, like,
27
00:01:01,599 --> 00:01:03,818
I'm, like,
sick of looking at her.
28
00:01:03,862 --> 00:01:05,298
-I, too.
-You know? Is it, is it just me?
29
00:01:05,342 --> 00:01:07,344
-No.
-Okay. -No.
30
00:01:07,387 --> 00:01:08,606
-No, it's not just you.
-Okay, yeah, 'cause I'm not
31
00:01:08,649 --> 00:01:09,998
trying to be mean,
it's not personal.
32
00:01:10,042 --> 00:01:11,348
You're just being honest
about how you feel.
33
00:01:11,391 --> 00:01:13,611
-Yeah.
-Also, there's a smell.
34
00:01:13,654 --> 00:01:15,569
-Okay.
-There's a smell, yeah. And a lot of women have this,
35
00:01:15,613 --> 00:01:17,615
and it makes me sick
to my stomach,
36
00:01:17,658 --> 00:01:18,833
and-and I don't want
to be around it,
37
00:01:18,877 --> 00:01:20,096
and I think that's
what you're saying.
38
00:01:20,139 --> 00:01:22,837
Well, no, I haven't
noticed a smell so much,
39
00:01:22,881 --> 00:01:24,491
but, no, I'm just
saying, like...
40
00:01:24,535 --> 00:01:25,927
I feel a lot of tension
in the workplace
41
00:01:25,971 --> 00:01:27,407
'cause we slept together,
you know?
42
00:01:27,451 --> 00:01:29,453
Legally, that's called
a hostile work environment.
43
00:01:29,496 --> 00:01:30,584
Okay, I can see that.
44
00:01:30,628 --> 00:01:32,151
We can legally fire her
45
00:01:32,195 --> 00:01:34,066
and bring in
whichever man we want.
46
00:01:34,110 --> 00:01:35,633
Oh... okay.
47
00:01:35,676 --> 00:01:37,156
I see, I see where you
were going with that.
48
00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:39,898
Yeah, he's got an agenda.
Uh, but either way,
49
00:01:39,941 --> 00:01:41,291
it-it doesn't matter.
The point is,
50
00:01:41,334 --> 00:01:42,857
what we're talking about here
is replacing Dee,
51
00:01:42,901 --> 00:01:44,598
and I think it's a great idea.
52
00:01:44,642 --> 00:01:46,296
I think, I think
it's long overdue.
53
00:01:46,339 --> 00:01:48,080
Look, if we're going to
bring in another woman,
54
00:01:48,124 --> 00:01:50,430
can we at least make sure
she's competent?
55
00:01:50,474 --> 00:01:52,128
Competent?
56
00:01:52,171 --> 00:01:54,217
[scoffs]
A monkey could do Dee's job.
57
00:01:54,260 --> 00:01:55,218
[laughs]
58
00:01:55,261 --> 00:01:57,307
-[all laughing]
-A monkey could.
59
00:01:57,350 --> 00:01:59,135
♪
60
00:02:17,631 --> 00:02:21,244
Terrific. Thanks for coming in.
All right.
61
00:02:21,287 --> 00:02:22,941
Move. Move. Not gonna get it.
No. G-Give me a break.
62
00:02:22,984 --> 00:02:24,464
-Move.
-Wait, what is...
63
00:02:24,508 --> 00:02:26,249
You listen to me right now,
Jeffrey. You listen to me!
64
00:02:26,292 --> 00:02:27,902
Because I have been listening
to you for long enough.
65
00:02:27,946 --> 00:02:29,817
I'm sor-- Who-who-who are you?
66
00:02:29,861 --> 00:02:31,297
No!
67
00:02:31,341 --> 00:02:33,604
No, no, no.
This can't be happening.
68
00:02:33,647 --> 00:02:35,475
This can't be happening,
I'm too young.
69
00:02:35,519 --> 00:02:37,303
Why are you doing this
to me? Why?
70
00:02:37,347 --> 00:02:38,217
I-I-I-- No.
I don't want to change.
71
00:02:38,261 --> 00:02:39,697
[gasping]
72
00:02:39,740 --> 00:02:41,394
Y-You're not thinking
straight, Cassandra.
73
00:02:41,438 --> 00:02:42,787
-You have to...
-Oh, God, it's so hot.
74
00:02:42,830 --> 00:02:44,528
Why is it always so goddamn hot?
75
00:02:44,571 --> 00:02:46,312
Somebody ought
to crack a window.
76
00:02:46,356 --> 00:02:47,748
No, I-I-I need more time.
77
00:02:47,792 --> 00:02:49,446
I had it all planned out.
78
00:02:49,489 --> 00:02:52,013
It was perfect,
and this is just too soon!
79
00:02:52,057 --> 00:02:54,364
[sobbing]
80
00:02:54,407 --> 00:02:55,626
[deep inhale]
81
00:02:55,669 --> 00:02:58,585
Oh, God!
82
00:03:03,068 --> 00:03:04,287
And that's the scene.
83
00:03:04,330 --> 00:03:05,897
Yes, I'm aware.
84
00:03:05,940 --> 00:03:08,247
I'm done. I was
in character before,
85
00:03:08,291 --> 00:03:11,032
but I'm me now, so you can
tell me how good I was.
86
00:03:11,076 --> 00:03:14,035
Oh, okay. Well, you just cut
in front of 15 other actresses.
87
00:03:14,079 --> 00:03:16,864
You're welcome. I took a gander
at 'em and... [clicks tongue]
88
00:03:16,908 --> 00:03:18,518
[laughs] Plus, I do feel
89
00:03:18,562 --> 00:03:19,998
like that's what
the character would have done,
90
00:03:20,041 --> 00:03:21,739
and I've been
in character all day.
91
00:03:21,782 --> 00:03:23,306
As a matter of fact,
don't want to brag,
92
00:03:23,349 --> 00:03:24,307
but I've been
in character all week.
93
00:03:24,350 --> 00:03:26,004
-[laughs]
-Okay, well,
94
00:03:26,047 --> 00:03:27,614
uh, I don't think you're
quite what we're looking...
95
00:03:27,658 --> 00:03:30,661
Come on, man! No, I-I-I've
been coming here for years,
96
00:03:30,704 --> 00:03:33,272
and-and you never put me
past you to the director.
97
00:03:33,316 --> 00:03:35,840
Well, uh, listen,
we have a-a lot of people
98
00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:37,233
are going to be reading
for this role.
99
00:03:37,276 --> 00:03:38,538
No! I'm gonna see the director.
100
00:03:38,582 --> 00:03:39,974
You're gonna put me through
to the director,
101
00:03:40,018 --> 00:03:41,106
that's what you're gonna do,
'cause I deserve it.
102
00:03:41,149 --> 00:03:42,803
I deserve it.
I am a trained actor.
103
00:03:42,847 --> 00:03:44,501
Okay? I have spent
104
00:03:44,544 --> 00:03:46,546
thousands of dollars
on acting classes,
105
00:03:46,590 --> 00:03:47,547
and are you gonna
try and tell me
106
00:03:47,591 --> 00:03:48,940
that was just all for nothing?
107
00:03:48,983 --> 00:03:51,986
That all that money
was just a waste?
108
00:03:52,030 --> 00:03:55,425
[sniffs] Well, uh,
not for your acting teacher.
109
00:03:55,468 --> 00:03:57,035
Hmm?
110
00:03:57,078 --> 00:03:58,950
♪
111
00:04:02,345 --> 00:04:04,303
DENNIS:
You know, guys, it occurs to me
112
00:04:04,347 --> 00:04:06,566
that, with this new employee,
113
00:04:06,610 --> 00:04:08,307
we could be looking
at a lot less work
114
00:04:08,351 --> 00:04:09,917
and a lot more available time.
115
00:04:09,961 --> 00:04:11,528
Perhaps we should
consider a vacation.
116
00:04:11,571 --> 00:04:14,357
Oh, that's not a bad idea, man.
117
00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:16,228
I've actually been getting
a lot more comfortable
118
00:04:16,272 --> 00:04:18,361
with the idea of travel
lately, like, um,
119
00:04:18,404 --> 00:04:20,319
check this out,
did you guys know that, uh,
120
00:04:20,363 --> 00:04:21,842
Pittsburgh is in Pennsylvania?
121
00:04:21,886 --> 00:04:23,322
-Yes.
-Yeah.
122
00:04:23,366 --> 00:04:25,063
No, think about that,
though, that-that's crazy.
123
00:04:25,106 --> 00:04:26,760
Like, two cities in one state?
124
00:04:26,804 --> 00:04:29,023
-No, that's-that's not crazy.
-No. No, not at all.
125
00:04:29,067 --> 00:04:30,851
No, no, no. [sighs]
126
00:04:30,895 --> 00:04:32,157
All right, I don't think
you understand.
127
00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:33,332
There's two cities
in the same state,
128
00:04:33,376 --> 00:04:34,768
like, how is that even possible?
129
00:04:34,812 --> 00:04:37,815
All states have
more than one city.
130
00:04:37,858 --> 00:04:38,990
That's totally possible.
Yeah, multiple cities.
131
00:04:39,033 --> 00:04:40,426
N... No.
132
00:04:40,470 --> 00:04:42,080
-Yes.
-There's... No. -Yes.
133
00:04:42,123 --> 00:04:44,300
There's...
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
134
00:04:44,343 --> 00:04:45,649
Yes.
135
00:04:45,692 --> 00:04:47,259
So, that's what Pennsylvania is.
136
00:04:47,303 --> 00:04:48,956
-Oh, no.
-No.
137
00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:50,131
Oh, so Philadelphia's
not Pennsylvania?
138
00:04:50,175 --> 00:04:51,350
-No.
-No.
139
00:04:51,394 --> 00:04:53,265
No, Philadelphia
is in Pennsylvania--
140
00:04:53,309 --> 00:04:55,136
-What is this man talking about?
-I...
141
00:04:55,180 --> 00:04:56,790
I'm saying, how does Pittsburgh
work? Am I constantly
142
00:04:56,834 --> 00:04:58,575
going in and out of Pittsburgh
throughout the day, yes or no?
143
00:04:58,618 --> 00:05:01,273
-BOTH: No.
-[stammers] Explain this to me.
144
00:05:01,317 --> 00:05:03,797
Oh. Oh, I understand.
I think I understand...
145
00:05:03,841 --> 00:05:05,364
-Really?
-Finally, somebody gets it.
146
00:05:05,408 --> 00:05:06,974
He's saying he wants
to go on a vacation.
147
00:05:07,018 --> 00:05:08,759
-Yeah. Well, yeah.
-He wants to go somewhere exotic.
148
00:05:08,802 --> 00:05:11,501
-Yes.
-He wants to go to Fire Island. He wants to go to Greece.
149
00:05:11,544 --> 00:05:14,025
-He wants to experiment.
-No. That's not what I'm saying, no.
150
00:05:14,068 --> 00:05:15,374
-He wants to try new things.
-That is not what he said.
151
00:05:15,418 --> 00:05:16,375
Wait, we're not going
to Pittsburgh.
152
00:05:16,419 --> 00:05:17,637
'Cause we're already there.
153
00:05:17,681 --> 00:05:19,639
We're not in Pittsburgh.
We're in Philadel--
154
00:05:19,683 --> 00:05:21,424
-I-- This-this is not easy.
-[door opens]
155
00:05:21,467 --> 00:05:24,557
Hey-o. Check it out. [laughs]
156
00:05:24,601 --> 00:05:26,211
What the hell is this?
157
00:05:26,254 --> 00:05:27,560
It's Dee's replacement.
158
00:05:27,604 --> 00:05:29,257
Why did you get a monkey?
159
00:05:29,301 --> 00:05:32,652
Well, you know, we're gonna hire
a girl to do Dee's job.
160
00:05:32,696 --> 00:05:35,525
We're gonna have to pay her. You
don't have to pay a monkey shit,
161
00:05:35,568 --> 00:05:37,483
so I got a monkey instead.
162
00:05:37,527 --> 00:05:40,356
It's like I said,
a monkey could do her job.
163
00:05:40,399 --> 00:05:41,705
Okay, but that's
just an expression, Frank.
164
00:05:41,748 --> 00:05:43,271
We need an actual person.
165
00:05:43,315 --> 00:05:45,361
Oh, yeah? Check this out.
166
00:05:45,404 --> 00:05:47,624
-Monkey, beer.
-[monkey chittering]
167
00:05:51,454 --> 00:05:52,411
[Frank laughs]
168
00:05:52,455 --> 00:05:54,979
See? Great, huh?
169
00:05:55,022 --> 00:05:57,590
No. No, not great. Ridiculous.
170
00:05:57,634 --> 00:05:59,200
You think a monkey
can run a bar?
171
00:05:59,244 --> 00:06:00,898
Run a bar?
172
00:06:00,941 --> 00:06:03,422
I thought it was just
to do Dee's job.
173
00:06:03,466 --> 00:06:05,032
Oh, yeah. We need someone
to watch over the bar
174
00:06:05,076 --> 00:06:06,077
-'cause we're gonna
go on vacation now. -Right.
175
00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:07,731
-Ooh, vacation?
-Mm-hmm.
176
00:06:07,774 --> 00:06:10,211
-Has anybody floated out
Pittsburgh? -Ah.
177
00:06:10,255 --> 00:06:11,517
What is with you guys
and Pittsburgh?
178
00:06:11,561 --> 00:06:13,258
Okay, we're not going
to Pittsburgh.
179
00:06:13,301 --> 00:06:14,999
If we're gonna go on vacation,
we're gonna go someplace good.
180
00:06:15,042 --> 00:06:16,261
-[monkey chittering]
-Yeah, thanks.
181
00:06:16,304 --> 00:06:17,828
[chuckles]
182
00:06:17,871 --> 00:06:19,220
I mean, we've got
the whole world to choose from,
183
00:06:19,264 --> 00:06:20,918
and you guys want to go
to the second-best city
184
00:06:20,961 --> 00:06:22,702
in-in Pennsylvania?
It's crazy. [slurping]
185
00:06:22,746 --> 00:06:23,877
Well, I don't know, like,
are we in Pittsburgh right now?
186
00:06:23,921 --> 00:06:25,270
Pretty nice. We like Pittsburgh.
187
00:06:25,313 --> 00:06:26,402
Like, you know, how does
Pittsburgh work, you know?
188
00:06:26,445 --> 00:06:28,447
Whoa, hang on a second now.
189
00:06:28,491 --> 00:06:31,145
That is really good.
What'd the monkey put in this?
190
00:06:31,189 --> 00:06:32,712
[laughs] Beats me.
191
00:06:32,756 --> 00:06:34,975
-[chittering]
-DENNIS: Okay, well,
192
00:06:35,019 --> 00:06:37,456
it's-it's very, very delicious,
uh... [laughs]
193
00:06:37,500 --> 00:06:38,457
What's the deal
with this monkey, anyway?
194
00:06:38,501 --> 00:06:40,241
He some kind of mixologist?
195
00:06:40,285 --> 00:06:41,504
He used to work in the movies.
196
00:06:41,547 --> 00:06:43,375
He comes from a long line
of movie monkeys.
197
00:06:43,419 --> 00:06:44,811
Rumor has it
198
00:06:44,855 --> 00:06:46,552
that he also did a short stint
199
00:06:46,596 --> 00:06:48,598
making drinks for Kitty Dukakis.
200
00:06:48,641 --> 00:06:49,947
-Wow.
-Yeah. -Okay, okay. Interesting.
201
00:06:49,990 --> 00:06:51,731
You know those were stiff.
[laughs]
202
00:06:51,775 --> 00:06:53,341
Eventually, we're gonna need
an actual person
203
00:06:53,385 --> 00:06:54,952
to run the bar
if we're gonna go on vacation,
204
00:06:54,995 --> 00:06:57,041
you know, but, uh,
while we're landing
205
00:06:57,084 --> 00:06:58,651
on where exactly to go,
let's, uh... [slurps]
206
00:06:58,695 --> 00:07:00,392
Mmm.
207
00:07:00,436 --> 00:07:02,481
Let's keep the monkey
around 'cause that is
208
00:07:02,525 --> 00:07:05,092
the best beer I've ever had in
my entire life, I swear to God.
209
00:07:05,136 --> 00:07:06,485
Dee has never made a beer
that tastes like that.
210
00:07:06,529 --> 00:07:07,617
-You guys got to try this.
-[laughs] -Really?
211
00:07:07,660 --> 00:07:09,314
-I bet, yeah.
-Monkey.
212
00:07:09,357 --> 00:07:12,143
-Three more.
-Yeah. All right.
213
00:07:12,186 --> 00:07:13,361
-[chittering]
-Look at that.
214
00:07:15,538 --> 00:07:17,061
Hello. Good afternoon.
215
00:07:17,104 --> 00:07:19,280
I'm Deandra Reynolds,
216
00:07:19,324 --> 00:07:23,502
and thank you all so much
for joining my acting class.
217
00:07:23,546 --> 00:07:24,982
For starters...
218
00:07:26,244 --> 00:07:28,115
I don't have a limp.
219
00:07:28,159 --> 00:07:30,683
[laughs] Right?
220
00:07:30,727 --> 00:07:32,337
Don't be shy.
221
00:07:32,380 --> 00:07:34,600
-Thank you.
-[scattered applause]
222
00:07:34,644 --> 00:07:36,950
Thank you so much. Thank you.
223
00:07:36,994 --> 00:07:38,778
Oh, here's the thing,
224
00:07:38,822 --> 00:07:41,085
the first order of business,
225
00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:44,436
and perhaps the most
important thing, is payment.
226
00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:47,178
Now, did everyone have a chance
to get cash or cashier's check?
227
00:07:47,221 --> 00:07:49,006
Okay, good. Great.
228
00:07:49,049 --> 00:07:50,573
Great, wonderful.
Okay, well, let's get started.
229
00:07:50,616 --> 00:07:51,965
-[pen clicks]
-Chain saw,
230
00:07:52,009 --> 00:07:54,794
avocado, marlin.
What'd I just say? You.
231
00:07:54,838 --> 00:07:58,581
Um... chain saw,
avocado, marlin?
232
00:07:58,624 --> 00:08:00,104
Right!
233
00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:01,540
Which is wrong.
234
00:08:01,584 --> 00:08:05,239
You just violated
the first rule of acting.
235
00:08:05,283 --> 00:08:06,458
You listened.
236
00:08:06,502 --> 00:08:07,894
When you are listening,
237
00:08:07,938 --> 00:08:09,417
you are not talking,
238
00:08:09,461 --> 00:08:11,245
and if you're not talking,
you're not getting paid.
239
00:08:11,289 --> 00:08:14,074
You know who doesn't talk
throughout an entire movie?
240
00:08:14,118 --> 00:08:15,336
An extra.
241
00:08:15,380 --> 00:08:18,035
Which brings me
to rule number two,
242
00:08:18,078 --> 00:08:20,080
acting is...
243
00:08:20,124 --> 00:08:21,908
Oh, um, reacting.
244
00:08:21,952 --> 00:08:25,085
Wrong again. Acting is ignoring.
245
00:08:25,129 --> 00:08:26,478
Think about it.
246
00:08:26,522 --> 00:08:27,914
Ignore reality.
247
00:08:27,958 --> 00:08:30,090
You're in a casting office,
not Jurassic Park.
248
00:08:30,134 --> 00:08:31,788
Ignore your scene partner
249
00:08:31,831 --> 00:08:33,964
because you better goddamn
believe they're ignoring you.
250
00:08:34,007 --> 00:08:37,010
And, for Christ's sake,
ignore the script, okay?
251
00:08:37,054 --> 00:08:39,186
[chuckles] You're better
than a writer, right?
252
00:08:39,230 --> 00:08:40,231
Writers are dorks, okay?
253
00:08:40,274 --> 00:08:42,842
Any questions?
254
00:08:42,886 --> 00:08:45,149
No! Put your hands down!
255
00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:46,629
No.
256
00:08:46,672 --> 00:08:47,934
Don't ask questions.
257
00:08:47,978 --> 00:08:49,370
That shows
you don't know something,
258
00:08:49,414 --> 00:08:50,546
which makes you look weak.
259
00:08:50,589 --> 00:08:52,548
Got it?
260
00:08:52,591 --> 00:08:54,941
Now, if we could circle back
on the payment thing again,
261
00:08:54,985 --> 00:08:57,074
it's pretty important
to me, okay?
262
00:08:57,117 --> 00:08:58,597
'Cause I'm-I'm dead serious,
263
00:08:58,641 --> 00:09:02,383
you're not walking out of here
without the payment.
264
00:09:02,427 --> 00:09:03,602
Oh, my God, Charlie,
265
00:09:03,646 --> 00:09:05,561
we're not going to Scranton.
266
00:09:05,604 --> 00:09:07,563
All right, fine. What about
Harrisburg? Williamsport?
267
00:09:07,606 --> 00:09:08,738
Altoona? You know...
268
00:09:08,781 --> 00:09:10,435
Okay, will you at least consider
269
00:09:10,478 --> 00:09:12,132
going someplace
outside of Pennsylvania?
270
00:09:12,176 --> 00:09:15,222
All those cities
are in Pennsylvania?
271
00:09:15,266 --> 00:09:16,659
Are you kidding me?
Like, you don't want to know--
272
00:09:16,702 --> 00:09:17,964
thank you, monkey--
you don't want to know, like,
273
00:09:18,008 --> 00:09:19,618
how this shit works, man?
274
00:09:19,662 --> 00:09:22,795
No. I don't want to find out
how zoning districts work.
275
00:09:22,839 --> 00:09:24,841
I don't care about that.
Thank you, monkey.
276
00:09:24,884 --> 00:09:26,407
I want to go somewhere exotic.
277
00:09:26,451 --> 00:09:27,670
Baltimore?
278
00:09:27,713 --> 00:09:29,628
-Baltimore is not exotic, Frank.
-DENNIS: No.
279
00:09:29,672 --> 00:09:32,283
I'll tell you, I've seen shit
happen in Baltimore
280
00:09:32,326 --> 00:09:34,241
-that would blow your mind.
Thank you, monkey. -Wow.
281
00:09:34,285 --> 00:09:35,939
You know what, guys?
I'll tell you what.
282
00:09:35,982 --> 00:09:36,896
Regardless of where
we decide to go,
283
00:09:36,940 --> 00:09:38,463
we're taking this goddamn monkey
284
00:09:38,506 --> 00:09:40,204
-because I love this guy.
I love him. -Oh, yeah.
285
00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:42,162
It would be great
if we could hire more monkeys
286
00:09:42,206 --> 00:09:44,164
to do our job for us
while we're gone.
287
00:09:44,208 --> 00:09:46,471
Like, a team of monkeys who run
the bar, you know what I mean?
288
00:09:46,514 --> 00:09:49,082
-Mm.
-Oh, yeah, 'cause they're all out of work now, you know?
289
00:09:49,126 --> 00:09:51,041
-CHARLIE: Yeah.
-Yeah, because Hollywood decided
290
00:09:51,084 --> 00:09:53,652
you can't beat 'em no more, so
they had to set 'em all free.
291
00:09:53,696 --> 00:09:55,132
-What?
-Are you seriously? -You can't beat monkeys?
292
00:09:55,175 --> 00:09:56,307
-No, you can't.
-At all?
293
00:09:56,350 --> 00:09:57,874
Those monkeys don't even
have jobs anymore
294
00:09:57,917 --> 00:09:59,049
-'cause of these snowflakes?
-Not allowed to do it no more.
295
00:09:59,092 --> 00:10:00,877
-These Hollywood...
-Oh, my God.
296
00:10:00,920 --> 00:10:02,052
I do have to admit, though,
297
00:10:02,095 --> 00:10:04,532
it-it is a little
disappointing to, um,
298
00:10:04,576 --> 00:10:07,710
discover that a team of primates
could do our jobs for us, but...
299
00:10:07,753 --> 00:10:09,320
[stammers]
I'm gonna blow past it
300
00:10:09,363 --> 00:10:10,626
because I really do
want to come up
301
00:10:10,669 --> 00:10:11,931
with a vacation spot
for us, you know?
302
00:10:11,975 --> 00:10:13,846
So, here's what
I'm thinking, guys.
303
00:10:13,890 --> 00:10:15,631
E-Everybody grab a napkin
there, okay?
304
00:10:15,674 --> 00:10:16,457
-Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
-Grab a napkin.
305
00:10:16,501 --> 00:10:18,416
And, uh, everybody
306
00:10:18,459 --> 00:10:21,288
write down a destination
on the napkin,
307
00:10:21,332 --> 00:10:22,899
and then we'll put
that destination
308
00:10:22,942 --> 00:10:25,075
in this bowl right here,
309
00:10:25,118 --> 00:10:26,729
I'll pick one out,
310
00:10:26,772 --> 00:10:28,600
-and that way
not one of us decides... -Oh.
311
00:10:28,644 --> 00:10:30,689
...but we let fate take over.
312
00:10:30,733 --> 00:10:32,473
-What do you guys think
about that plan? -Okay.
313
00:10:32,517 --> 00:10:34,040
KIKI:
I didn't say that
314
00:10:34,084 --> 00:10:36,173
-I don't love you.
-Then what is it?
315
00:10:36,216 --> 00:10:37,827
Is it my gang ties?
Because I don't need that shit.
316
00:10:37,870 --> 00:10:39,132
I'll leave it all behind.
317
00:10:39,176 --> 00:10:41,352
-Just tell me what's wrong.
-[mouthing along]
318
00:10:41,395 --> 00:10:42,570
KIKI:
The baby...
319
00:10:42,614 --> 00:10:45,182
It's not yours. It's my...
320
00:10:45,225 --> 00:10:47,184
my...
321
00:10:47,227 --> 00:10:49,273
-my father's.
-Bigger.
322
00:10:49,316 --> 00:10:51,188
-[inhales] My father's!
-N-- louder.
323
00:10:51,231 --> 00:10:54,147
-[yelling]: My father's!
-Yes!
324
00:10:54,191 --> 00:10:55,366
Good. Now you go.
325
00:10:56,802 --> 00:10:59,152
-Your father's?!
-Louder.
326
00:10:59,196 --> 00:11:01,677
[yelling]: Your father's?!
327
00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:04,810
Okay! Now, this is what
I'm talking about.
328
00:11:04,854 --> 00:11:06,682
Nice work. [applauds]
Do you all see that?
329
00:11:06,725 --> 00:11:08,771
Goddamn, that's what I want.
I want to be able
330
00:11:08,814 --> 00:11:10,642
to see your performance
from the fucking moon.
331
00:11:10,686 --> 00:11:12,818
Guys, the louder you are,
332
00:11:12,862 --> 00:11:15,342
the more people have
to pay attention to you.
333
00:11:15,386 --> 00:11:18,258
Yeah... [sighs] Yeah,
I-I don't understand the script.
334
00:11:18,302 --> 00:11:19,564
What movie did you say
this was from?
335
00:11:19,607 --> 00:11:21,827
I-I didn't. I wrote it.
336
00:11:21,871 --> 00:11:23,960
It's a mash-up of Chinatown
337
00:11:24,003 --> 00:11:26,179
and Tupac Shakur's
Poetic Justice.
338
00:11:26,223 --> 00:11:28,616
Oh. Are you, are you gonna
write all the scenes?
339
00:11:28,660 --> 00:11:31,750
Well, there you go asking a
bunch of questions again, Tony.
340
00:11:31,794 --> 00:11:33,012
[laughs] Uh, Kiki,
341
00:11:33,056 --> 00:11:34,797
how does that
make him seem to you?
342
00:11:34,840 --> 00:11:37,234
Um... weak?
343
00:11:37,277 --> 00:11:39,062
Weak! Good. Very good.
344
00:11:39,105 --> 00:11:40,846
Now, you, Kiki,
you're really getting this.
345
00:11:40,890 --> 00:11:42,282
But did you feel that?
346
00:11:42,326 --> 00:11:43,980
Did you feel how he went
from, like, a hot stud
347
00:11:44,023 --> 00:11:46,199
you'd like to bang
to a weak little bitch
348
00:11:46,243 --> 00:11:48,027
right before your eyes? Right?
349
00:11:48,071 --> 00:11:49,899
I mean, that doesn't mean
I still wouldn't do him,
350
00:11:49,942 --> 00:11:51,465
but that's between him and me.
351
00:11:51,509 --> 00:11:53,076
Tony, see me after class.
352
00:11:53,119 --> 00:11:55,774
Um... Okay.
353
00:11:55,818 --> 00:11:58,603
Wrong! Wrong! Okay.
354
00:11:58,646 --> 00:12:00,997
People in power
will try and bang you.
355
00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:04,435
Now, sometimes it will be
necessary to get the part,
356
00:12:04,478 --> 00:12:06,524
but assess the situation.
357
00:12:06,567 --> 00:12:08,569
Why go all the way when
a simple hand job will suffice?
358
00:12:10,136 --> 00:12:12,878
Tony, do see me after class.
359
00:12:12,922 --> 00:12:14,619
DENNIS:
And the place
360
00:12:14,662 --> 00:12:16,447
that we're going to is...
361
00:12:18,579 --> 00:12:20,973
[sighs] "Yell"... "Yellow"?
362
00:12:21,017 --> 00:12:23,193
What is, what is this?
Who, who wrote this?
363
00:12:23,236 --> 00:12:26,370
Uh... [stammers] Me. Yeah.
364
00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:28,676
W-Were you trying to
s-say Yellowstone or...?
365
00:12:28,720 --> 00:12:31,636
Uh... no. Uh, just yellow.
366
00:12:31,679 --> 00:12:33,072
-Just yellow?
Just the color yellow? -Uh, well, I panicked.
367
00:12:33,116 --> 00:12:34,421
You know, you were shooting down
all the other places
368
00:12:34,465 --> 00:12:35,988
I've been naming, so I-I
couldn't think of something.
369
00:12:36,032 --> 00:12:38,121
Okay, well, that's not
a goddamn place, you idiot, so..
370
00:12:38,164 --> 00:12:39,600
[groans]
We're gonna try this again.
371
00:12:39,644 --> 00:12:41,515
Next place I pick out,
that's where we're gonna go.
372
00:12:41,559 --> 00:12:43,387
Mm-hmm.
373
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:44,780
-"Purple."
-Mm.
374
00:12:44,823 --> 00:12:46,216
What is happening?
375
00:12:46,259 --> 00:12:48,305
[burps] That was me.
Yeah, I did purple.
376
00:12:48,348 --> 00:12:49,567
-You did purple?
Two of you wrote colors? -Yeah, I...
377
00:12:49,610 --> 00:12:51,047
Okay, so you thought
of a color, too?
378
00:12:51,090 --> 00:12:52,657
I didn't understand
the assignment either.
379
00:12:52,700 --> 00:12:54,528
-It-it was not clear.
-I said write down a destination,
380
00:12:54,572 --> 00:12:55,703
-and two people
wrote down colors? -We're sorry, we're sorry.
381
00:12:55,747 --> 00:12:57,183
-I don't understand...
-I like purple.
382
00:12:57,227 --> 00:12:58,881
I like purple, too, Frank.
That's why I wrote it down.
383
00:12:58,924 --> 00:13:00,708
Well, maybe we could go there.
That could be pretty.
384
00:13:00,752 --> 00:13:02,972
Go where?! Purple?
That's not a place!
385
00:13:03,015 --> 00:13:05,148
-That-- All right, you know...
-CHARLIE: Okay, you're right.
386
00:13:05,191 --> 00:13:08,368
I think, um...
these beers are a little strong.
387
00:13:08,412 --> 00:13:10,893
-Are you drunk?
-I-- these beers are a little strong...
388
00:13:10,936 --> 00:13:12,764
I will admit that the beers
are also stronger
389
00:13:12,808 --> 00:13:14,461
-than I was anticipating.
-I like this beer.
390
00:13:14,505 --> 00:13:15,549
You know what, guys?
391
00:13:15,593 --> 00:13:17,508
I'm having a lot of fun here.
392
00:13:17,551 --> 00:13:19,510
Uh, but I do want to
figure this out, so, new plan.
393
00:13:19,553 --> 00:13:20,946
All right,
here's what we're gonna do.
394
00:13:20,990 --> 00:13:23,079
Instead of writing down places,
395
00:13:23,122 --> 00:13:26,125
why don't we write down
key words?
396
00:13:26,169 --> 00:13:27,648
Or phrases, you know?
397
00:13:27,692 --> 00:13:28,998
Let's go with our instincts,
you know?
398
00:13:29,041 --> 00:13:30,260
Whatever we want to feel,
399
00:13:30,303 --> 00:13:31,870
what-whatever
we want to experience
400
00:13:31,914 --> 00:13:33,350
on the vacation, okay? And then
401
00:13:33,393 --> 00:13:34,742
we'll put it up on a board.
402
00:13:34,786 --> 00:13:36,309
We'll look at it all together
and then maybe
403
00:13:36,353 --> 00:13:39,051
the destination will just
reveal itself to us.
404
00:13:39,095 --> 00:13:42,141
And... we can drink
more monkey beer.
405
00:13:42,185 --> 00:13:43,751
-Yeah.
-[laughs]
406
00:13:43,795 --> 00:13:45,928
-Monkey!
-We'll drink monkey beer while we're doing it.
407
00:13:45,971 --> 00:13:48,017
-Monkey.
-Four more monkey beers, monkey.
408
00:13:48,060 --> 00:13:49,845
-Monkey, monkey, monkey beer!
-Monkey! Four more!
409
00:13:52,543 --> 00:13:54,327
Ms. Reynolds, can I talk
to you for a second?
410
00:13:54,371 --> 00:13:56,808
Oh, God, what's this? Listen,
if you don't have the cash,
411
00:13:56,852 --> 00:13:59,332
you're gonna want to borrow it
from, like, an uncle or a friend
412
00:13:59,376 --> 00:14:00,943
or something 'cause I don't make
exceptions. [chuckles]
413
00:14:00,986 --> 00:14:03,902
No. It's, uh, it's not
the money, um...
414
00:14:03,946 --> 00:14:06,687
I just wanted to say...
thank you.
415
00:14:06,731 --> 00:14:08,515
It feels
416
00:14:08,559 --> 00:14:10,561
so good to be seen like that.
417
00:14:10,604 --> 00:14:12,737
My parents don't really
believe in me, so...
418
00:14:12,780 --> 00:14:15,261
Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait. Stop talking.
419
00:14:15,305 --> 00:14:17,960
Holy shit. [gasps]
420
00:14:18,003 --> 00:14:20,571
You're making me
realize something here.
421
00:14:20,614 --> 00:14:21,920
Maybe this doesn't
have to be a scam.
422
00:14:21,964 --> 00:14:22,965
What?
423
00:14:23,008 --> 00:14:24,183
Well, what I mean is,
424
00:14:24,227 --> 00:14:25,924
I-I was just able
to give you something
425
00:14:25,968 --> 00:14:27,186
your parents never did,
426
00:14:27,230 --> 00:14:29,797
and all-all I had to do
was... [chuckles]
427
00:14:29,841 --> 00:14:32,452
toss you a single
compliment. [gasps]
428
00:14:32,496 --> 00:14:34,280
I can control you.
429
00:14:34,324 --> 00:14:37,544
I can make you feel
however I want you to feel,
430
00:14:37,588 --> 00:14:39,895
which will help you
be a better actor.
431
00:14:39,938 --> 00:14:42,027
-Oh, I do want to be a better...
-Shh. I'm not done.
432
00:14:42,071 --> 00:14:45,944
[gasps] Oh, that's-that's
real power.
433
00:14:45,988 --> 00:14:48,773
Way more power than just acting,
and I think that's what it was
434
00:14:48,816 --> 00:14:50,470
probably all about
for me, you know?
435
00:14:50,514 --> 00:14:52,777
I just... I was searching
for a sense of control.
436
00:14:52,820 --> 00:14:53,865
Oh, Kiki...
437
00:14:53,909 --> 00:14:55,432
[laughing]:
you were...
438
00:14:55,475 --> 00:14:57,129
terrible.
439
00:14:57,173 --> 00:14:59,088
Wait, I-I was?
440
00:14:59,131 --> 00:15:00,959
No. No. [laughs]
441
00:15:01,003 --> 00:15:02,656
-[sighs]
-I'm kidding.
442
00:15:02,700 --> 00:15:05,703
[gasps] You were amazing.
443
00:15:05,746 --> 00:15:08,488
And you're going to make it.
444
00:15:08,532 --> 00:15:09,925
I believe in you.
445
00:15:09,968 --> 00:15:11,970
Oh, you do?
446
00:15:12,014 --> 00:15:13,885
Maybe.
447
00:15:13,929 --> 00:15:15,713
I'm not going
to tell you right now.
448
00:15:18,107 --> 00:15:19,325
But yes.
449
00:15:19,369 --> 00:15:21,197
[both laughing]
450
00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:23,634
Oh, my God! This is... [gasps]
451
00:15:23,677 --> 00:15:25,636
This is amazing. Yes, Kiki, yes.
452
00:15:25,679 --> 00:15:27,377
I'm going to be there for you.
453
00:15:27,420 --> 00:15:29,248
I'm going to be the mother
and father that you never had.
454
00:15:29,292 --> 00:15:31,859
-I'm only going to take 35%...
-[phone buzzing]
455
00:15:31,903 --> 00:15:32,904
...of all your future earnings,
456
00:15:32,948 --> 00:15:34,645
and I will never, never
457
00:15:34,688 --> 00:15:37,343
turn my back on you,
do you understand?
458
00:15:37,387 --> 00:15:39,737
-Yes.
-Because you-- Can you give me one second?
459
00:15:39,780 --> 00:15:41,521
-My phone is buzzing
off the hook in my pocket. -Oh, yeah.
460
00:15:41,565 --> 00:15:43,349
One sec. Hello?
461
00:15:43,393 --> 00:15:45,090
No! I'm gonna see the director.
462
00:15:45,134 --> 00:15:48,006
Um, hi, yes. Uh, is this
Deandra Reynolds?
463
00:15:48,050 --> 00:15:50,095
-Yup.
-[over phone]: Right. Well, uh,
464
00:15:50,139 --> 00:15:51,923
-I'm so sorry to just call you
out of the blue like this... -Faster.
465
00:15:51,967 --> 00:15:53,707
-What?
-Faster.
466
00:15:53,751 --> 00:15:55,927
Right. Brilliant. Um,
467
00:15:55,971 --> 00:15:57,798
well, I am the director
of the TV show
468
00:15:57,842 --> 00:15:58,886
that you crashed
the audition on the other day,
469
00:15:58,930 --> 00:16:01,280
and we have a role that...
470
00:16:01,324 --> 00:16:03,674
-Slower.
-[laughs]
471
00:16:03,717 --> 00:16:04,936
All right, um,
472
00:16:04,980 --> 00:16:07,417
well, as I was saying, I am...
473
00:16:07,460 --> 00:16:08,896
the... director...
474
00:16:08,940 --> 00:16:10,246
Too slow. Don't start over.
475
00:16:10,289 --> 00:16:13,379
[chuckles] Okay.
Uh, well, I saw your tape,
476
00:16:13,423 --> 00:16:16,904
and, based on what I saw,
and this conversation,
477
00:16:16,948 --> 00:16:18,863
I think we have a part
that might be right for you.
478
00:16:18,906 --> 00:16:19,951
Stop.
479
00:16:19,995 --> 00:16:22,910
Attention, everyone.
480
00:16:22,954 --> 00:16:25,261
Dee Reynolds Acting School
is officially closed.
481
00:16:25,304 --> 00:16:27,089
And I'm sorry, there will be
no return on investments,
482
00:16:27,132 --> 00:16:29,656
but it was in the fine print.
Have a wonderful afternoon.
483
00:16:29,700 --> 00:16:31,658
Continue.
484
00:16:33,486 --> 00:16:34,922
-[phone ringing]
-[rooster crows]
485
00:16:36,881 --> 00:16:40,232
[groans] Oh, my God. Oh, guys.
486
00:16:40,276 --> 00:16:43,235
-[groans]
-What the hell is happening?
487
00:16:43,279 --> 00:16:45,237
-[clears throat] Guys, wake up.
-Huh?
488
00:16:45,281 --> 00:16:46,238
-Wake...
-[groans]
489
00:16:46,282 --> 00:16:47,718
-Huh?
-Wha...
490
00:16:47,761 --> 00:16:49,894
Oh, my God.
My head is killing me.
491
00:16:49,937 --> 00:16:53,115
Oh, dude. I am very hungover.
I do not feel good.
492
00:16:53,158 --> 00:16:55,769
Charlie,
you're full of scratches.
493
00:16:55,813 --> 00:16:57,945
-So are you.
-[sighs]
494
00:16:57,989 --> 00:16:59,860
-Wait, I got scratches, too.
-Oh, shit. [groans]
495
00:16:59,904 --> 00:17:02,167
-Dude, Mac, I think you
got bit in the neck, man. -[winces]
496
00:17:02,211 --> 00:17:03,777
-Is that shit on the bar?
-[groans]
497
00:17:03,821 --> 00:17:05,518
What-what is that...
498
00:17:05,562 --> 00:17:08,347
sour, salty taste in my mouth?
Do you guys have that?
499
00:17:08,391 --> 00:17:09,696
-Yeah, I got that.
-Yes. Yes, I have that.
500
00:17:09,740 --> 00:17:12,177
-What is that? [groans]
-Yeah, it's real bad.
501
00:17:12,221 --> 00:17:13,265
Uh-oh, guys...
502
00:17:13,309 --> 00:17:14,658
CHARLIE:
Oh, yeah, I feel like shit.
503
00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:16,094
I think we've been outsmarted.
504
00:17:16,138 --> 00:17:17,400
-What?
-Huh?
505
00:17:17,443 --> 00:17:19,271
[scoffs]
The monkey got us drunk,
506
00:17:19,315 --> 00:17:20,403
assaulted us,
507
00:17:20,446 --> 00:17:21,795
robbed the bar,
508
00:17:21,839 --> 00:17:23,667
and possibly fucked our mouths.
509
00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:25,103
[retching]
510
00:17:26,626 --> 00:17:28,933
-Oh, God!
-Yeah, he did. That is what happened.
511
00:17:28,976 --> 00:17:30,282
Yeah, the guy who sold him to me
512
00:17:30,326 --> 00:17:31,892
did say something
like this could happen.
513
00:17:31,936 --> 00:17:33,546
He did?!
514
00:17:33,590 --> 00:17:35,374
Yeah. Apparently,
the monkey's grandfather
515
00:17:35,418 --> 00:17:37,811
was Fatty Arbuckle's monkey,
516
00:17:37,855 --> 00:17:38,899
and you know
how these things go.
517
00:17:38,943 --> 00:17:40,727
These monkeys are passed down
518
00:17:40,771 --> 00:17:42,773
from one Hollywood creep
to the next,
519
00:17:42,816 --> 00:17:44,166
until, eventually,
520
00:17:44,209 --> 00:17:46,298
they wind up
under a bridge in Philly
521
00:17:46,342 --> 00:17:48,474
getting drunk and pulling scams.
522
00:17:48,518 --> 00:17:51,260
-[groans] Goddamn. All right.
-What?
523
00:17:51,303 --> 00:17:53,088
All right, all right, we got
to think about this. All right,
524
00:17:53,131 --> 00:17:56,178
so let's not take the monkey
on our vacation.
525
00:17:56,221 --> 00:17:57,962
Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
526
00:17:58,005 --> 00:17:59,442
The vacation.
527
00:17:59,485 --> 00:18:01,096
I think we landed on a
vacation destination last night.
528
00:18:01,139 --> 00:18:03,359
Yeah, we did, we did.
Look, look, look.
529
00:18:03,402 --> 00:18:04,838
-Oh, look at the board.
-We did? -Yeah.
530
00:18:04,882 --> 00:18:06,231
We got something on here.
Let's um...
531
00:18:06,275 --> 00:18:08,146
Okay, should we see
where we're going?
532
00:18:08,190 --> 00:18:10,322
-Yeah, where are we going?
-Where we going? Where we going?
533
00:18:10,366 --> 00:18:12,716
All right, here we go...
534
00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:14,761
"Monkey beer island
535
00:18:14,805 --> 00:18:17,024
of green and fight."
536
00:18:17,068 --> 00:18:19,114
-[sighs] Goddamn it.
-That's not a place.
537
00:18:19,157 --> 00:18:20,724
-That's not a place?
-No, it's not!
538
00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:23,161
No, it's not a goddamn place.
You know what this is?
539
00:18:23,205 --> 00:18:24,815
This is the ramblings
of four men
540
00:18:24,858 --> 00:18:26,338
who got very, very drunk last
night on a mystery concoction
541
00:18:26,382 --> 00:18:28,384
invented by a wild animal.
542
00:18:28,427 --> 00:18:30,255
[whimpers]
Why can't we just be normal?
543
00:18:30,299 --> 00:18:31,822
-That is what it is.
-That's so weird.
544
00:18:31,865 --> 00:18:33,040
Why would we do that?
545
00:18:33,084 --> 00:18:35,130
Because the monkey beers
were so delicious.
546
00:18:35,173 --> 00:18:37,219
All right? That-that-that monkey
may have been a pervert,
547
00:18:37,262 --> 00:18:39,960
but he was also a genius, which
is often the case in Hollywood.
548
00:18:40,004 --> 00:18:41,440
You know what I'm thinking?
549
00:18:41,484 --> 00:18:43,616
'Cause I'm seeing a lot of empty
whiskey bottles around,
550
00:18:43,660 --> 00:18:45,792
I'm thinking maybe that monkey
was just pouring, like,
551
00:18:45,836 --> 00:18:47,185
half a bottle of whiskey
in each beer.
552
00:18:47,229 --> 00:18:48,186
-You know?
-That could be.
553
00:18:48,230 --> 00:18:49,318
Based on my hangover, I think
554
00:18:49,361 --> 00:18:50,667
that's what I'm,
that's what I'm feeling.
555
00:18:50,710 --> 00:18:51,798
-[sighs] Goddamn it.
-That tracks, that tracks.
556
00:18:51,842 --> 00:18:53,409
So, monkey beer
557
00:18:53,452 --> 00:18:55,672
is just whiskey...
558
00:18:55,715 --> 00:18:57,804
-CHARLIE: Whiskey-beer, yeah.
-...beer?
559
00:18:57,848 --> 00:19:00,416
So...
560
00:19:00,459 --> 00:19:04,289
"Whiskey beer island
of green and fight."
561
00:19:04,333 --> 00:19:05,421
-[door opens]
-We're nowhere. We're nowhere.
562
00:19:05,464 --> 00:19:08,250
Hey-o! Whoa,
what the hell happened...
563
00:19:08,293 --> 00:19:10,687
Eh, you know what? Don't care.
564
00:19:10,730 --> 00:19:12,906
Do not even care
'cause guess what, dick nips.
565
00:19:12,950 --> 00:19:16,127
This big, dumb, flightless bird
just booked a huge acting gig.
566
00:19:16,171 --> 00:19:18,564
Why don't you feast your eyes on
567
00:19:18,608 --> 00:19:21,393
"Obnoxious American MILF #1"?
568
00:19:21,437 --> 00:19:23,221
[laughs]
569
00:19:23,265 --> 00:19:26,224
-In your faces. That's right.
-Ah...
570
00:19:26,268 --> 00:19:27,878
And guess what.
I leave tomorrow morning
571
00:19:27,921 --> 00:19:30,315
at 6:30 a.m.
on a first-class flight
572
00:19:30,359 --> 00:19:34,014
'cause it shoots
in Ireland, baby.
573
00:19:34,058 --> 00:19:36,147
Yeah!
574
00:19:36,191 --> 00:19:37,453
Body slam!
575
00:19:37,496 --> 00:19:38,671
-[laughs]
-[groans]
576
00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:42,762
-I mean, she doesn't--
She comes in screaming. -That was the worst.
577
00:19:42,806 --> 00:19:44,416
-Screaming.
-Cackling like a witch.
578
00:19:44,460 --> 00:19:47,332
Just screaming and screeching,
like... [sighs]
579
00:19:47,376 --> 00:19:49,116
Oh, my God.
580
00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:50,553
[gasps]
581
00:19:52,946 --> 00:19:55,471
Oh, my God.
582
00:19:55,514 --> 00:19:57,734
[gasps]
583
00:19:57,777 --> 00:20:00,302
-What? What is it?
-I don't know.
584
00:20:00,345 --> 00:20:01,607
-I don't know.
-Uh, you don't know?
585
00:20:01,651 --> 00:20:03,130
-Right? It wasn't clear.
-Frank looked at me...
586
00:20:03,174 --> 00:20:04,523
Why did you guys act like
you knew what it was, then?
587
00:20:04,567 --> 00:20:05,959
I don't know. We were all
getting excited together.
588
00:20:06,003 --> 00:20:07,222
-I was excited... [stammers]
-And, yeah, uh...
589
00:20:07,265 --> 00:20:08,571
Goddamn it.
Frank, you tell them what it is.
590
00:20:08,614 --> 00:20:10,834
-Yeah, what is it?
-I don't know what it is.
591
00:20:10,877 --> 00:20:12,705
-You don't...
-Okay, yeah, we don't know, uh, we don't know what it is.
592
00:20:12,749 --> 00:20:15,186
Guys, guys.
593
00:20:15,230 --> 00:20:18,145
"Whiskey beer island
of green and fight."
594
00:20:18,189 --> 00:20:20,409
That's Ireland.
595
00:20:20,452 --> 00:20:22,062
Goddamn, you guys.
596
00:20:22,106 --> 00:20:24,543
What is this delicious drink?
This is good.
597
00:20:24,587 --> 00:20:26,197
I was gonna go home
and get some sleep,
598
00:20:26,241 --> 00:20:28,112
but I might have to get
a couple soda pops in first,
599
00:20:28,155 --> 00:20:30,767
you know what I mean? Nice job.
600
00:20:30,810 --> 00:20:33,160
Mmm. Mmm.
601
00:20:33,204 --> 00:20:34,901
["Pot of Gold"
by Christopher Beaty playing]
602
00:20:34,945 --> 00:20:37,077
Ooh, wow. Is that poop?
603
00:20:37,121 --> 00:20:39,079
♪ Hey!♪
604
00:20:39,123 --> 00:20:41,081
♪
605
00:20:41,131 --> 00:20:45,681
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