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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:48,916 --> 00:01:50,583 When I was small, 2 00:01:50,625 --> 00:01:56,291 I didn't even know that I was a kid with 'special needs'. 3 00:01:56,333 --> 00:01:58,833 How did I find out? 4 00:01:58,875 --> 00:02:00,541 By other people telling me 5 00:02:00,583 --> 00:02:02,666 that I was different from everyone else. 6 00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:05,875 And that this was a problem. 7 00:02:10,458 --> 00:02:12,291 True enough... 8 00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:16,625 it was very hard for me to act like most other people. 9 00:02:16,666 --> 00:02:20,541 And even now, I still can't do a 'real' conversation. 10 00:02:23,666 --> 00:02:26,791 From your point of view, the world of autism 11 00:02:26,833 --> 00:02:30,125 must look like a deeply mysterious place. 12 00:02:32,208 --> 00:02:36,333 So my big hope is that by writing this book, 13 00:02:36,375 --> 00:02:39,708 I can help to explain in my own way, 14 00:02:39,750 --> 00:02:41,125 what goes on in my mind. 15 00:02:58,291 --> 00:03:00,791 Can you imagine how your life would be 16 00:03:00,833 --> 00:03:03,458 if you couldn't say what you wanted? 17 00:03:08,208 --> 00:03:09,333 They're turned off. 18 00:03:12,666 --> 00:03:14,916 The fountains are off in Greece. 19 00:03:14,958 --> 00:03:16,625 The fountains are off in Greece. 20 00:03:20,458 --> 00:03:23,708 Hi, all the fountains are off in Greece. 21 00:03:23,750 --> 00:03:25,125 Are they? 22 00:03:25,166 --> 00:03:26,916 All the fountains are off in Greece. 23 00:03:26,958 --> 00:03:27,916 Okay. 24 00:03:30,583 --> 00:03:32,166 Those fountains are off in Greece. 25 00:03:52,708 --> 00:03:55,083 No more. 26 00:03:57,166 --> 00:03:59,416 Every time I do something 27 00:03:59,458 --> 00:04:01,625 that other people wouldn't, 28 00:04:01,666 --> 00:04:03,791 it must make you wonder why. 29 00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:13,625 But don't judge me from the outside only. 30 00:04:13,666 --> 00:04:17,083 Spare a little time to listen to what I have to say 31 00:04:17,125 --> 00:04:19,208 and have a nice trip through our world. 32 00:05:20,458 --> 00:05:23,958 Amrit picks up on things which people usually do not. 33 00:05:32,708 --> 00:05:35,708 That was kind of a revelation. 34 00:05:39,583 --> 00:05:41,833 For a very long time 35 00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:44,750 she had so much anger in her 36 00:05:44,791 --> 00:05:47,875 but there was no way that she could tell us about it. 37 00:05:50,166 --> 00:05:54,000 She must've had some bullying moments in school. 38 00:05:56,041 --> 00:05:58,333 She was wanting to make friends 39 00:05:58,375 --> 00:06:01,125 but others did not know how to be friendly with her. 40 00:06:03,708 --> 00:06:06,625 She would scream for hours, 41 00:06:06,666 --> 00:06:09,041 and then she would cry and I would cry 42 00:06:09,083 --> 00:06:10,416 and-- not knowing what to do. 43 00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:16,833 That was the time 44 00:06:16,875 --> 00:06:19,125 when she used to really rub the crayon 45 00:06:19,166 --> 00:06:22,791 on one particular spot until the paper would tear 46 00:06:22,833 --> 00:06:25,208 and there were impressions on her desk. 47 00:06:27,500 --> 00:06:29,291 But within that, 48 00:06:29,333 --> 00:06:33,875 there was such a strong message for others. 49 00:06:36,041 --> 00:06:40,041 And I realized that it wasn't just art that she was doing. 50 00:06:40,083 --> 00:06:43,375 She was actually giving me the routine of her day 51 00:06:43,416 --> 00:06:45,000 and what all was happening. 52 00:06:45,041 --> 00:06:47,333 So, she would draw what she was eating, 53 00:06:47,375 --> 00:06:51,333 she would draw other students around her, 54 00:06:51,375 --> 00:06:53,041 she would draw the landscape. 55 00:07:00,500 --> 00:07:03,250 And that is how the journey began. 56 00:07:25,708 --> 00:07:28,041 So how do I see the world? 57 00:07:30,833 --> 00:07:34,500 You may be looking at the exact same thing as me, 58 00:07:34,541 --> 00:07:37,541 but how I perceive it appears to be different. 59 00:07:41,083 --> 00:07:42,791 When you see an object 60 00:07:42,833 --> 00:07:46,875 it seems you see it as an entire thing first 61 00:07:46,916 --> 00:07:49,541 and only afterwards do its details follow on. 62 00:07:55,125 --> 00:08:00,166 But for me, the details jump straight out first of all, 63 00:08:00,208 --> 00:08:03,708 and then gradually, detail by detail, 64 00:08:03,750 --> 00:08:06,125 the whole image floats up into focus. 65 00:08:36,958 --> 00:08:41,125 My eyes are captured by lines and surfaces. 66 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:51,125 Just to get a grip on things, I have to scan my memory 67 00:08:51,166 --> 00:08:54,666 to find an experience closest to what's happening now. 68 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:16,083 The chaos of the world has to be 69 00:09:16,125 --> 00:09:18,750 turned into some kind of coherent order, 70 00:09:19,625 --> 00:09:21,833 almost by hand, 71 00:09:21,875 --> 00:09:24,750 inside an autistic mind I think-- I don't have one 72 00:09:24,791 --> 00:09:27,541 so I can't be sure but this book helps me understand a bit. 73 00:09:29,833 --> 00:09:32,125 Naoki Higashida wrote 'The Reason I Jump' 74 00:09:32,166 --> 00:09:35,083 when he was thirteen years old. 75 00:09:35,125 --> 00:09:37,958 And like my son, he was autistic and didn't speak. 76 00:09:41,125 --> 00:09:44,875 It's like cartography. He makes a map of his mind. 77 00:09:46,875 --> 00:09:51,291 There's an example where Naoki talks about the steps 78 00:09:51,333 --> 00:09:53,500 that he has to go through to understand 79 00:09:53,541 --> 00:09:55,541 that it is raining. 80 00:09:55,583 --> 00:09:59,083 And it would never occur to you if you're neurotypical, 81 00:09:59,125 --> 00:10:04,000 that you have to flip through this mental card index, 82 00:10:04,041 --> 00:10:07,208 connecting the sound, previous memories 83 00:10:07,250 --> 00:10:10,166 with the word 'rain' to work out what's happening now. 84 00:10:11,625 --> 00:10:12,916 You just know it's raining. 85 00:10:28,875 --> 00:10:32,875 The world that Naoki describes is different. 86 00:10:32,916 --> 00:10:37,166 Chaotic, swirling, raw and visceral. 87 00:10:38,916 --> 00:10:41,208 It's emotionally very taxing. 88 00:10:41,250 --> 00:10:43,083 Meltdowns can blow up out of nowhere. 89 00:10:47,958 --> 00:10:49,750 So that's where my son's living. 90 00:10:52,333 --> 00:10:53,375 And it's not easy. 91 00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:34,958 She used to have these obsessions. 92 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:36,458 --Uh, my fear 93 00:11:36,500 --> 00:11:39,583 was that it is socially awkward. 94 00:11:39,625 --> 00:11:41,916 And I-- I would try and stop her from doing that. 95 00:11:45,583 --> 00:11:47,625 But when I read Naoki's book, 96 00:11:47,666 --> 00:11:50,416 I realized what she must be going through. 97 00:11:51,916 --> 00:11:54,416 So, it's difficult. Yes... I'm sorry. 98 00:12:15,041 --> 00:12:18,291 I've acted so strange with my own child. 99 00:12:18,333 --> 00:12:19,291 I don't know... 100 00:12:20,458 --> 00:12:22,458 how I fit into a mother's role. 101 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:36,458 I've tried to stop her from being herself. 102 00:13:43,375 --> 00:13:47,416 Every single thing has its own unique beauty. 103 00:13:49,666 --> 00:13:52,875 When a color is vivid or a shape is eye-catching, 104 00:13:52,916 --> 00:13:56,541 then my heart kind of drowns in it. 105 00:13:56,583 --> 00:13:59,250 I can't concentrate on anything else. 106 00:14:03,500 --> 00:14:06,833 A person who's looking at a mountain far away 107 00:14:06,875 --> 00:14:08,666 doesn't notice the prettiness 108 00:14:08,708 --> 00:14:11,416 of the dandelion in front of them. 109 00:14:34,250 --> 00:14:36,000 There are certain sounds, 110 00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:41,458 there are certain sights, that are either painful 111 00:14:41,500 --> 00:14:45,041 or they are very pleasant. 112 00:14:45,083 --> 00:14:50,333 When she comes home, she picks up a paper to... 113 00:14:50,375 --> 00:14:53,625 to kind of put it there for the world to know. 114 00:17:07,416 --> 00:17:09,833 Not being able to talk 115 00:17:09,875 --> 00:17:11,375 means not being able to share 116 00:17:11,416 --> 00:17:13,416 what you're feeling or thinking. 117 00:17:15,333 --> 00:17:18,125 To live my life as a human being, 118 00:17:18,166 --> 00:17:19,833 nothing is more important 119 00:17:19,875 --> 00:17:21,750 than being able to express myself. 120 00:17:32,208 --> 00:17:36,166 How can you be subject to all this wild, 121 00:17:36,208 --> 00:17:38,666 uncensored, sensory input 122 00:17:38,708 --> 00:17:41,500 and then render that into language? 123 00:17:47,208 --> 00:17:49,750 Naoki Higashida sort of achieved the impossible. 124 00:17:51,750 --> 00:17:53,916 A kid who could still remember what it's like 125 00:17:53,958 --> 00:17:55,625 to be four or five years old. 126 00:17:57,375 --> 00:17:58,458 It's kind of poetry. 127 00:18:01,291 --> 00:18:03,250 It felt like our son was talking to us. 128 00:18:03,291 --> 00:18:04,875 It felt like when I was at-- 129 00:18:04,916 --> 00:18:07,000 at my most desperate, 130 00:18:07,041 --> 00:18:08,541 knowing I wouldn't get an answer, 131 00:18:08,583 --> 00:18:11,000 but just saying, "Why are you doing that?" 132 00:18:11,041 --> 00:18:12,708 Uh... 133 00:18:12,750 --> 00:18:14,333 Well, here's the answer. 134 00:18:16,750 --> 00:18:20,000 My wife and I wanted the people who work with our son 135 00:18:20,041 --> 00:18:21,958 to read it as well. 136 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,541 So, we started translating it. 137 00:18:26,875 --> 00:18:32,083 The book felt like an envoy from another world, 138 00:18:32,125 --> 00:18:34,750 whose culture, whose rules, 139 00:18:34,791 --> 00:18:36,500 whose reasons I didn't understand. 140 00:18:41,208 --> 00:18:42,791 My mind 141 00:18:42,833 --> 00:18:46,875 is forever swaying this way and that. 142 00:18:46,916 --> 00:18:50,708 I never ever feel at ease wherever I am. 143 00:18:54,833 --> 00:18:59,291 As a child, I used to wander off from home. 144 00:18:59,333 --> 00:19:01,166 It wasn't because I wanted to go out 145 00:19:01,208 --> 00:19:03,333 for a special reason. 146 00:19:03,375 --> 00:19:06,541 My body moved because it was lured outside 147 00:19:06,583 --> 00:19:08,833 by something there, 148 00:19:08,875 --> 00:19:12,291 in search of somewhere where I felt at ease. 149 00:19:31,666 --> 00:19:34,833 Hi. Hi, Joss. 150 00:19:34,875 --> 00:19:36,750 The lady is going to turn the fans on. 151 00:19:40,291 --> 00:19:41,500 It's like a fan. 152 00:19:46,250 --> 00:19:48,958 The fan-- The fan goes round and round. 153 00:19:57,208 --> 00:19:58,583 We're making a fan. 154 00:19:59,875 --> 00:20:01,750 Make it-- make it spin fast! 155 00:20:03,041 --> 00:20:04,916 Make it spin fast. 156 00:20:04,958 --> 00:20:08,375 It's going round. - It is going round. 157 00:20:08,416 --> 00:20:10,333 Joss going high. 158 00:20:10,375 --> 00:20:11,875 High! 159 00:20:11,916 --> 00:20:12,916 High, Joss. 160 00:20:14,583 --> 00:20:17,916 Joss... because it's raining... 161 00:20:19,791 --> 00:20:21,625 Good lad. - Good lad, well done. 162 00:20:21,666 --> 00:20:24,708 I am a good lad. - Joss, Joss we're gonna take the sausage and chips 163 00:20:24,750 --> 00:20:26,125 back to Bradstow, okay? 164 00:20:31,708 --> 00:20:33,500 Come on. 165 00:20:33,541 --> 00:20:35,625 We're at big school. - We are at big school. 166 00:20:53,333 --> 00:20:55,083 Is the umbrella hot? 167 00:20:55,125 --> 00:20:57,250 As soon as I try to speak with someone, 168 00:20:57,291 --> 00:20:59,125 my words just vanish. 169 00:21:03,916 --> 00:21:07,125 There is a gap between what I'm thinking 170 00:21:07,166 --> 00:21:08,500 and what I'm saying. 171 00:21:08,541 --> 00:21:10,333 Mummy got me two milkshakes. 172 00:21:10,375 --> 00:21:12,750 Mummy did get you two milkshakes. 173 00:21:12,791 --> 00:21:14,208 It's like a reflex... 174 00:21:17,583 --> 00:21:21,041 ...reacting to what I've just seen in some cases... 175 00:21:21,083 --> 00:21:22,916 or to some old memories. 176 00:21:27,166 --> 00:21:30,500 As if I'm drowning in a flood of words. 177 00:21:30,541 --> 00:21:32,500 The cover is like a black hoover. 178 00:21:32,541 --> 00:21:34,166 It's like a-- - Red? 179 00:21:34,208 --> 00:21:36,291 This cover is like a black hoover. 180 00:21:36,333 --> 00:21:37,458 It's like a red hoover. 181 00:21:37,500 --> 00:21:38,875 It's like a black hoover. 182 00:21:38,916 --> 00:21:41,041 Oh, it's like a black one. 183 00:21:41,083 --> 00:21:42,875 This cover is like a red hoover. I think it's like a black hoover. 184 00:21:42,916 --> 00:21:44,250 Its cover is like a black hoover. 185 00:21:44,291 --> 00:21:45,708 It is. 186 00:21:45,750 --> 00:21:48,208 The big exception is words or phrases 187 00:21:48,250 --> 00:21:49,916 I'm familiar with, 188 00:21:49,958 --> 00:21:52,208 like playing a game of catch with a ball. 189 00:21:52,250 --> 00:21:53,708 Papa! - Papa. 190 00:21:53,750 --> 00:21:57,541 Papa, Papa! 191 00:22:01,750 --> 00:22:03,791 Do you want to wait for the doggy to go? 192 00:22:06,708 --> 00:22:09,125 Joss, the dog's gone now, we're gonna keep walking 193 00:22:09,166 --> 00:22:11,000 to the cafe, okay? 194 00:22:11,041 --> 00:22:12,708 Good lad, well done. 195 00:22:27,791 --> 00:22:30,541 Joss can see everything, 196 00:22:30,583 --> 00:22:31,958 and he can hear everything. 197 00:22:36,583 --> 00:22:38,500 When Joss was little, 198 00:22:38,541 --> 00:22:41,250 his sensory world was entirely a positive thing. 199 00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:50,416 Everything related back to water and light, 200 00:22:50,458 --> 00:22:53,041 so we provided as much water and light as we could. 201 00:22:57,708 --> 00:22:58,625 What can you see? 202 00:23:02,291 --> 00:23:03,375 What can you see, Joss? 203 00:23:05,833 --> 00:23:07,250 One of the things I would love to be 204 00:23:07,291 --> 00:23:10,250 is just inside his head. 205 00:23:10,291 --> 00:23:13,500 Just-- just for ten seconds to understand, 206 00:23:13,541 --> 00:23:15,916 how he sees the world. 207 00:23:15,958 --> 00:23:17,541 Let's go. 208 00:23:19,083 --> 00:23:20,500 It's making a noise. 209 00:23:20,541 --> 00:23:22,000 The green box is making a noise. 210 00:23:22,041 --> 00:23:23,541 The green box is making a noise. 211 00:23:36,166 --> 00:23:37,583 Shall we get in? 212 00:23:37,625 --> 00:23:40,166 You cannot get-- No, you cannot get in, no. 213 00:23:41,583 --> 00:23:43,750 Green box is like music. 214 00:23:43,791 --> 00:23:45,583 Green box is like music. 215 00:24:09,750 --> 00:24:11,500 Is it like a black hoover? 216 00:24:11,541 --> 00:24:15,041 No, it's like a red hoover. Sounds like a red hoover. 217 00:24:15,083 --> 00:24:16,458 Does it sound like a black hoover? 218 00:24:19,083 --> 00:24:20,208 Does it sound like a black hoover? 219 00:24:20,250 --> 00:24:21,500 No, it sounds like a red hoover. 220 00:24:24,458 --> 00:24:25,458 Want to go now? 221 00:24:36,458 --> 00:24:38,666 Green boxes have become a massive part of our life 222 00:24:38,708 --> 00:24:41,833 because we realize that Joss can hear them 223 00:24:41,875 --> 00:24:43,625 from a long, long, long way away. 224 00:25:40,291 --> 00:25:42,083 We need to get pizza. - We're gonna go-- 225 00:25:42,125 --> 00:25:43,583 Daddy's driving to get the pizza now. 226 00:26:07,291 --> 00:26:09,291 We had a sprinkler at Number Eighty. 227 00:26:11,083 --> 00:26:12,500 We did have a sprinkler. Mummy used to-- 228 00:26:12,541 --> 00:26:13,708 "You're not having a sprinkler tonight" 229 00:26:13,750 --> 00:26:15,375 at Number Eighty. 230 00:26:15,416 --> 00:26:17,000 Is that what-- Did Mummy say that? 231 00:26:17,916 --> 00:26:19,416 Did Mummy say that? 232 00:26:19,458 --> 00:26:21,958 No! Mummy always let you have the sprinkler on! 233 00:26:29,125 --> 00:26:30,916 Number Eighty was the number of a house 234 00:26:30,958 --> 00:26:33,208 we used to live in. 235 00:26:33,250 --> 00:26:35,166 Joss is remembering the things that happened 236 00:26:35,208 --> 00:26:39,458 in that garden when he was about three or four years old. 237 00:26:39,500 --> 00:26:41,500 Specific events. 238 00:26:41,541 --> 00:26:43,291 Number Eighty. - Number Eighty. 239 00:26:45,500 --> 00:26:47,958 To him, they are just as real as something 240 00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:50,583 that's happened half an hour ago. 241 00:26:50,625 --> 00:26:52,250 I think the earliest we've had is when he was 242 00:26:52,291 --> 00:26:53,916 just before his second birthday. 243 00:26:58,208 --> 00:27:01,166 Like some kind of, um, slideshow, 244 00:27:01,208 --> 00:27:02,833 an out of control slideshow. 245 00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:15,000 Time is a continuous thing 246 00:27:15,041 --> 00:27:16,625 with no clear boundaries, 247 00:27:18,125 --> 00:27:20,416 which is why it's so confusing. 248 00:27:22,875 --> 00:27:24,500 Inside my head, 249 00:27:24,541 --> 00:27:26,250 there isn't really such a big difference 250 00:27:26,291 --> 00:27:29,291 between what I was told just now, 251 00:27:29,333 --> 00:27:32,208 and what I heard a long, long time ago. 252 00:27:36,500 --> 00:27:38,666 I imagine other people's memories 253 00:27:38,708 --> 00:27:41,500 are arranged continuously like a line. 254 00:27:44,083 --> 00:27:48,625 My memory is more like a pool of dots. 255 00:27:48,666 --> 00:27:50,333 Memories are all scattershot 256 00:27:50,375 --> 00:27:52,541 and never connected in the right order. 257 00:27:56,083 --> 00:27:58,166 Mummy did turn the sprinkler on at Number Eighty. 258 00:28:10,250 --> 00:28:12,208 The trouble with scattered memories 259 00:28:12,250 --> 00:28:14,375 is that sometimes they replay themselves 260 00:28:14,416 --> 00:28:17,791 in my head as if they've only just taken place... 261 00:28:17,833 --> 00:28:20,125 and the emotions I felt originally 262 00:28:20,166 --> 00:28:23,500 come rushing back to me like a sudden storm. 263 00:28:27,750 --> 00:28:28,958 Daddy can't get the pizza. 264 00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:30,541 Daddy is getting pizza, 265 00:28:30,583 --> 00:28:32,958 and Daddy's getting more dough balls now. 266 00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:34,375 Two minutes for pizza. 267 00:28:34,416 --> 00:28:35,583 Can you wait with Mummy please, darling? 268 00:28:35,625 --> 00:28:37,250 There's no more pizza! 269 00:28:37,291 --> 00:28:39,083 No, no, the pizza is coming. 270 00:28:39,125 --> 00:28:41,583 Daddy is bringing the pizza - There's no pizza today! 271 00:28:41,625 --> 00:28:43,375 Don't panic, there's gonna be a pizza. 272 00:28:43,416 --> 00:28:44,583 --Don't hurt me please. 273 00:28:44,625 --> 00:28:45,541 Don't hurt me. 274 00:28:45,583 --> 00:28:47,125 There's no more. 275 00:28:47,166 --> 00:28:49,000 Oh, no! - Don't panic. 276 00:28:51,083 --> 00:28:53,500 There's no pizza! 277 00:28:53,541 --> 00:28:54,708 Daddy's gone to get one? - Please, honey. 278 00:28:54,750 --> 00:28:55,708 Daddy's gone to get one. 279 00:29:05,958 --> 00:29:09,000 Exactly what the next moment has in store 280 00:29:09,041 --> 00:29:12,333 never stops being a big, big worry. 281 00:29:24,250 --> 00:29:26,041 It's pizza, it's Joss' pizza! 282 00:29:26,083 --> 00:29:27,625 I brought you some pizza! 283 00:29:27,666 --> 00:29:29,333 Here! 284 00:29:29,375 --> 00:29:31,833 Daddy! You brought the pizza. Thank you! 285 00:29:31,875 --> 00:29:33,791 Fucking Pizza Express. 286 00:29:54,541 --> 00:29:56,291 As he's hit puberty, 287 00:29:56,333 --> 00:29:58,666 his relationship with that sensory world 288 00:29:58,708 --> 00:29:59,791 has changed. 289 00:30:01,875 --> 00:30:03,541 His anxiety is just huge. 290 00:30:25,416 --> 00:30:28,416 There are times when I can't act, 291 00:30:28,458 --> 00:30:31,291 even though I really badly want to. 292 00:30:47,958 --> 00:30:51,000 It's as if my whole body belongs to someone else. 293 00:30:53,458 --> 00:30:56,708 As if I'm remote-controlling a faulty robot. 294 00:31:15,958 --> 00:31:17,666 Get up. 295 00:31:17,708 --> 00:31:19,666 Daddy loves you. Daddy loves you. 296 00:31:23,708 --> 00:31:25,541 Joss! 297 00:31:25,583 --> 00:31:27,291 Stop! 298 00:31:30,333 --> 00:31:32,333 Joss, stop! Stop! 299 00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:36,083 Stop hurting Daddy. 300 00:31:47,291 --> 00:31:49,208 It's a feeling of helplessness 301 00:31:49,250 --> 00:31:52,208 which brings on a panic attack or a meltdown. 302 00:31:52,250 --> 00:31:54,791 Even when I make a tiny mistake, 303 00:31:54,833 --> 00:31:57,625 the fact of it starts rushing towards me like a tsunami. 304 00:32:01,500 --> 00:32:03,541 To get away, I'll do anything. 305 00:32:04,833 --> 00:32:06,583 And afterwards, 306 00:32:06,625 --> 00:32:09,375 when I see the wreckage I've made, I hate myself. 307 00:32:11,375 --> 00:32:12,833 I just hate myself. 308 00:32:19,833 --> 00:32:21,500 Hello. - Hello. 309 00:32:21,541 --> 00:32:23,583 Let's go? - Let's go! 310 00:32:29,083 --> 00:32:32,166 We had this kind of horrible, hellish few months 311 00:32:32,208 --> 00:32:35,625 where his aggression got worse and worse. 312 00:32:35,666 --> 00:32:38,208 From there on in, something had just changed. 313 00:32:51,375 --> 00:32:53,291 He was expelled from the school he was in... 314 00:32:54,416 --> 00:32:56,166 and we found a school 315 00:32:56,208 --> 00:32:58,958 that could take and cope with children 316 00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:00,708 with really challenging behavior. 317 00:33:05,166 --> 00:33:06,458 And so we took him there, 318 00:33:06,500 --> 00:33:08,041 and we had to leave him there. 319 00:33:11,875 --> 00:33:13,708 He comes home a lot... 320 00:33:13,750 --> 00:33:16,625 but that decision to send him to a residential school 321 00:33:16,666 --> 00:33:18,916 was the most painful we've ever had to make. 322 00:33:51,833 --> 00:33:53,958 They need to get some more bubbles from the shop. 323 00:34:16,875 --> 00:34:18,333 Right, Joss, 324 00:34:18,375 --> 00:34:21,291 shall we see what we've got today, yeah? 325 00:34:21,333 --> 00:34:24,500 Can we reach our hands really nice and tall? 326 00:34:24,541 --> 00:34:25,875 Beautiful! 327 00:34:33,833 --> 00:34:35,708 What is the reason I jump? 328 00:34:39,083 --> 00:34:44,291 I react physically to feelings of sadness and happiness. 329 00:34:44,333 --> 00:34:48,083 So, when something happens that affects me emotionally, 330 00:34:48,125 --> 00:34:51,583 my body seizes up as if struck by lightning. 331 00:34:57,625 --> 00:35:00,250 But when I'm jumping, 332 00:35:00,291 --> 00:35:02,583 it's as if I'm shaking loose the ropes 333 00:35:02,625 --> 00:35:04,916 that are tying me down... 334 00:35:04,958 --> 00:35:08,041 as if my feelings are going upwards to the sky. 335 00:35:15,375 --> 00:35:18,625 If only I could just flap my wings and fly off 336 00:35:18,666 --> 00:35:19,958 to some faraway place. 337 00:35:26,916 --> 00:35:29,041 'The Reason I Jump' turned on its head 338 00:35:29,083 --> 00:35:30,916 many of the things that we all think 339 00:35:30,958 --> 00:35:32,583 we know about autism. 340 00:35:32,625 --> 00:35:35,541 That people with autism don't do emotions, 341 00:35:35,583 --> 00:35:39,958 uh, that they have no imaginative intelligence. 342 00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:42,125 Naoki couldn't possibly have written it, 343 00:35:42,166 --> 00:35:43,375 were these things true. 344 00:35:46,666 --> 00:35:49,125 And autistic people who can write like Naoki does 345 00:35:49,166 --> 00:35:51,375 are in a bit of a double bind. 346 00:35:51,416 --> 00:35:54,583 Some people will not believe that they have written the book, 347 00:35:54,625 --> 00:35:58,375 uh, or some people believe they have written the book 348 00:35:58,416 --> 00:36:00,750 but, therefore, can't be-- can't possibly be 349 00:36:00,791 --> 00:36:03,500 properly autistic. Only a little bit autistic. 350 00:36:06,083 --> 00:36:09,333 Nine, ten, over here, and I've got three over here. 351 00:36:09,375 --> 00:36:12,291 Move to the other side, please. 352 00:36:15,083 --> 00:36:17,958 So, you're not late, you're totally on time, Ben. 353 00:36:24,291 --> 00:36:26,583 I'll see you-- - See you on the ice! 354 00:36:33,416 --> 00:36:34,708 We've been waiting for you! 355 00:36:52,750 --> 00:36:54,541 Mm-hmm. - Yep. Let's do it! 356 00:37:10,500 --> 00:37:14,666 Ben, go! Move in. Yay! 357 00:37:14,708 --> 00:37:16,875 Awesome! Awesome! 358 00:37:16,916 --> 00:37:18,541 Alright, yeah! 359 00:37:53,208 --> 00:37:55,500 "Ah, don't worry about him, 360 00:37:55,541 --> 00:37:57,583 he'd rather be on his own." 361 00:37:57,625 --> 00:38:00,000 How many times have I heard this? 362 00:38:00,041 --> 00:38:04,375 The truth is, I'd love to be with other people. 363 00:38:04,416 --> 00:38:07,333 I can't believe that anyone born as a human being 364 00:38:07,375 --> 00:38:09,166 really wants to be left on their own. 365 00:38:10,916 --> 00:38:12,458 When people don't talk, 366 00:38:12,500 --> 00:38:14,083 you assume they're not understanding you. 367 00:38:14,125 --> 00:38:15,541 And then they assume 368 00:38:15,583 --> 00:38:16,750 that it's a cognitive impairment. 369 00:38:18,583 --> 00:38:20,041 Ben is twenty-three. 370 00:38:20,083 --> 00:38:22,875 E.V. started working with Ben when he was 371 00:38:22,916 --> 00:38:24,333 seven, E.V. baby? 372 00:38:24,375 --> 00:38:25,791 Seven or eight. 373 00:38:25,833 --> 00:38:29,916 And, um... at the time, Ben had, what, 374 00:38:29,958 --> 00:38:33,833 an attention span of what, about two minutes maybe? 375 00:38:33,875 --> 00:38:36,416 He was just all over the place, 376 00:38:36,458 --> 00:38:39,666 and we're trying to do speech therapy with this kid. 377 00:38:42,416 --> 00:38:45,041 And finally, when Ben turned I think sixteen, we said, 378 00:38:45,083 --> 00:38:46,583 "You know what E.V.? 379 00:38:46,625 --> 00:38:48,541 Speech therapy is not what he needs." 380 00:38:48,583 --> 00:38:50,500 And E.V., bless her heart, said, 381 00:38:50,541 --> 00:38:52,125 "Let me try one more thing." 382 00:38:53,666 --> 00:38:55,333 Ready? 383 00:39:05,375 --> 00:39:09,208 "I never..." 384 00:39:09,250 --> 00:39:11,375 "I never..." Go, look at it. 385 00:39:14,875 --> 00:39:15,875 Look at it. 386 00:39:19,625 --> 00:39:20,916 "I never dreamed..." 387 00:39:24,833 --> 00:39:27,375 "...this..." Get it. 388 00:39:28,916 --> 00:39:30,125 "...this was..." 389 00:39:33,166 --> 00:39:34,833 Get it. Get it. 390 00:39:36,375 --> 00:39:38,500 Get it. 391 00:39:38,541 --> 00:39:42,166 Good. Get it. Look for the letter. 392 00:39:42,208 --> 00:39:45,291 "I never dreamed this was POSSIB... 393 00:39:47,291 --> 00:39:48,958 ...LE." 394 00:39:55,333 --> 00:39:58,791 When I first saw kids spelling, 395 00:39:58,833 --> 00:40:01,250 that was it for me. 396 00:40:01,291 --> 00:40:04,666 Many people who are autistic their brain knows what to do 397 00:40:04,708 --> 00:40:07,083 but they can't get it to their body. 398 00:40:07,125 --> 00:40:09,750 And it made so much sense looking at it 399 00:40:09,791 --> 00:40:12,583 from more of a motor skills standpoint. 400 00:40:12,625 --> 00:40:14,875 Because speech is motor. 401 00:40:14,916 --> 00:40:17,333 Taking language out of the fine motor 402 00:40:17,375 --> 00:40:19,541 of the speech, putting it into the gross motor 403 00:40:19,583 --> 00:40:22,583 of the arm to point made a lot of sense. 404 00:40:22,625 --> 00:40:24,333 --A... 405 00:40:25,208 --> 00:40:26,541 Look at it. 406 00:40:29,000 --> 00:40:30,500 Get it. 407 00:40:30,541 --> 00:40:35,833 --T, and it, W, go, O, go, R, go, 408 00:40:36,708 --> 00:40:39,708 K, go, E and D. 409 00:40:47,666 --> 00:40:52,625 If non-speakers are capable of spelling 410 00:40:52,666 --> 00:40:55,083 and are capable of intelligence, 411 00:40:55,125 --> 00:40:56,916 that really shakes the foundation 412 00:40:56,958 --> 00:40:59,458 of a lot of things that we've believed. 413 00:40:59,500 --> 00:41:03,666 Okay. "There was once a time I had nothing..." 414 00:41:03,708 --> 00:41:05,500 You've gotta finish that, that's kind of sad. 415 00:41:13,958 --> 00:41:17,833 EVERY 416 00:41:20,125 --> 00:41:24,291 Everything! Everything! 417 00:41:28,375 --> 00:41:29,500 I'm done! 418 00:41:35,458 --> 00:41:38,208 Perhaps you're thinking that it's no major effort 419 00:41:38,250 --> 00:41:40,416 for me to write these sentences, 420 00:41:40,458 --> 00:41:42,916 but that isn't true at all. 421 00:41:42,958 --> 00:41:45,500 When I learned to use the letter board, 422 00:41:45,541 --> 00:41:47,708 it let me anchor my words, 423 00:41:47,750 --> 00:41:50,333 words that would otherwise flutter off 424 00:41:50,375 --> 00:41:54,125 as soon as I was able to speak them. 425 00:41:54,166 --> 00:41:57,041 Can you imagine the frustration... 426 00:41:57,083 --> 00:42:01,375 being autistic and non-verbal and you hear everything 427 00:42:01,416 --> 00:42:02,916 and you see everything and you feel everything 428 00:42:02,958 --> 00:42:05,291 but you can't respond? 429 00:42:05,333 --> 00:42:07,916 When you think about it that explains the anger, 430 00:42:07,958 --> 00:42:09,875 it explains the... 431 00:42:09,916 --> 00:42:12,708 ...you know, the violence, the aggression. 432 00:42:12,750 --> 00:42:15,666 You-- you can't negotiate. 433 00:42:15,708 --> 00:42:19,458 To reach a point where he is able to express, 434 00:42:19,500 --> 00:42:24,000 has just been a huge blessing. 435 00:42:30,500 --> 00:42:32,958 Please don't assume that every word I speak 436 00:42:33,000 --> 00:42:35,500 is what I intend to say. 437 00:42:35,541 --> 00:42:37,375 Making sounds with your mouth 438 00:42:37,416 --> 00:42:39,291 isn't the same thing as communication. 439 00:42:39,333 --> 00:42:42,291 Let's go home, please. No more. 440 00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:45,833 Yeah! - "We could finally..." 441 00:43:00,916 --> 00:43:02,666 "We could finally let each other..." 442 00:43:02,708 --> 00:43:04,416 No more. No more! 443 00:43:14,416 --> 00:43:15,791 No more. - "...how..." 444 00:43:18,958 --> 00:43:20,208 No, that's a... 445 00:43:23,416 --> 00:43:24,375 No more. 446 00:43:25,833 --> 00:43:29,291 "We could finally tell each other how we felt." 447 00:43:29,333 --> 00:43:30,375 No more! 448 00:43:47,208 --> 00:43:49,708 No more! No more. 449 00:46:11,208 --> 00:46:13,875 Our kids were both in preschool, 450 00:46:13,916 --> 00:46:17,833 that's when our families first met. 451 00:46:17,875 --> 00:46:19,583 It seemed like Emma was in a lot of pain 452 00:46:19,625 --> 00:46:21,333 and she could scream at us all day long. 453 00:46:21,375 --> 00:46:22,833 There weren't many people 454 00:46:22,875 --> 00:46:24,541 that you could invite into your home 455 00:46:24,583 --> 00:46:27,666 but we could always invite Ben's family. 456 00:46:27,708 --> 00:46:29,458 And they seemed happy to be together, 457 00:46:29,500 --> 00:46:32,458 but there was no way really to gauge 458 00:46:32,500 --> 00:46:34,291 what they felt about each other. 459 00:46:34,333 --> 00:46:35,958 Remember when we all were together in Seattle? 460 00:46:36,000 --> 00:46:38,666 How about that? - Oh, man! 461 00:46:38,708 --> 00:46:40,208 Alright, to the oldest 462 00:46:40,250 --> 00:46:42,166 and bestest friends... - Cheers. 463 00:46:42,208 --> 00:46:43,500 Cheers. - Come what may. 464 00:46:43,541 --> 00:46:45,125 Come what may. 465 00:46:46,291 --> 00:46:47,375 Cheers, Emma, cheers. 466 00:46:47,416 --> 00:46:48,791 Emma can you-- 467 00:46:48,833 --> 00:46:50,250 Open the present, open the present. 468 00:46:50,291 --> 00:46:51,916 Emma, can you do cheers with Ben? 469 00:46:51,958 --> 00:46:53,250 Open the present. 470 00:46:53,291 --> 00:46:54,333 Can you do cheers with Emma? 471 00:46:54,375 --> 00:46:55,833 Oh, uh, uh, walk to Target. 472 00:46:55,875 --> 00:46:58,208 After we walk to Target. Can you cheers with Ben? 473 00:46:58,250 --> 00:46:59,541 Go like this. Ben's waiting for you. 474 00:46:59,583 --> 00:47:01,166 Hold your cup. - Emma's going to Hawaii, 475 00:47:01,208 --> 00:47:03,666 Emma's going to Hawaii! - There you go, cheers! 476 00:47:03,708 --> 00:47:04,750 Emma's going to Hawaii. 477 00:47:04,791 --> 00:47:06,416 Emma is going to Hawaii. 478 00:47:06,458 --> 00:47:09,666 You talk at an incredible speed. 479 00:47:09,708 --> 00:47:12,125 Between thinking something in your head 480 00:47:12,166 --> 00:47:15,333 and saying it, takes you just a split second. 481 00:47:15,375 --> 00:47:17,291 Uh, Emma's going Target. - To me, 482 00:47:17,333 --> 00:47:19,833 that's like magic. - Target. 483 00:47:19,875 --> 00:47:22,625 I have to speak in an unknown foreign language 484 00:47:22,666 --> 00:47:26,125 every minute of every day. 485 00:47:26,166 --> 00:47:28,458 Before they actually started communicating 486 00:47:28,500 --> 00:47:30,958 using the letter board, we put words in their mouths 487 00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:32,833 all the time. - Yeah, exactly. 488 00:47:32,875 --> 00:47:36,833 You know, just to, kind of, fill up the-- the-- the void. 489 00:47:36,875 --> 00:47:38,583 We would say, "Hey, Ben, dadada." 490 00:47:38,625 --> 00:47:40,291 And then someone else says, "Well, Ben says dadada." 491 00:47:40,333 --> 00:47:43,583 And then, of course, you fast forward fifteen years 492 00:47:43,625 --> 00:47:48,041 and you realize that they-- they have been friends 493 00:47:48,083 --> 00:47:50,916 for so long. That's what makes this unique. 494 00:47:50,958 --> 00:47:55,041 How do you establish and sustain and nurture a friendship... 495 00:47:55,083 --> 00:47:57,375 for twenty years 496 00:47:57,416 --> 00:47:59,666 with no spoken language? 497 00:47:59,708 --> 00:48:02,291 Yeah. 498 00:48:17,291 --> 00:48:18,291 Walk to Target. 499 00:48:26,000 --> 00:48:27,291 Emma's going to Hawaii. 500 00:49:09,166 --> 00:49:12,500 Alright, this is the homework that is due on Tuesday... 501 00:49:14,250 --> 00:49:17,208 ...um, about Argentina. 502 00:49:19,708 --> 00:49:21,166 Intro to Argentina, 503 00:49:21,208 --> 00:49:23,291 Argentina is the second largest country 504 00:49:23,333 --> 00:49:26,541 in South America, eighth largest in the world, 505 00:49:26,583 --> 00:49:28,708 today it is seen as a democracy. 506 00:49:28,750 --> 00:49:31,416 Okay, we talked about a few famous Argentinians, 507 00:49:31,458 --> 00:49:33,666 we talked about that in class the other day. 508 00:49:33,708 --> 00:49:36,041 Um... 509 00:49:36,083 --> 00:49:37,083 Emma, do you remember... 510 00:49:38,291 --> 00:49:39,291 who we talked about? 511 00:49:49,458 --> 00:49:50,833 Peron. And do you remember there was something 512 00:49:50,875 --> 00:49:54,208 very unique about... 513 00:49:54,250 --> 00:49:56,791 Peron, there was something very unique about him, 514 00:49:56,833 --> 00:49:59,458 because after he died 515 00:49:59,500 --> 00:50:02,250 who was-- who replaced him? 516 00:50:02,291 --> 00:50:03,416 Touch it. 517 00:50:09,250 --> 00:50:11,041 His wife. 518 00:50:11,083 --> 00:50:14,583 They made a movie about her. 519 00:50:14,625 --> 00:50:16,375 Yeah, Em, we're gonna have lunch in a little bit. 520 00:50:16,416 --> 00:50:17,916 Oh. - After we do 521 00:50:17,958 --> 00:50:19,125 our homework. We're going to do our homework, 522 00:50:19,166 --> 00:50:20,500 then we're gonna take a walk, 523 00:50:20,541 --> 00:50:22,208 and then we're gonna eat our lunch. 524 00:50:22,250 --> 00:50:28,125 Do you guys remember who Peron admired during the war. 525 00:50:28,166 --> 00:50:30,500 Do you remember who that was? 526 00:50:30,541 --> 00:50:32,125 We talked about this the other day in class. 527 00:50:44,083 --> 00:50:46,875 Mussolini, that is correct. 528 00:50:49,666 --> 00:50:52,083 They've never been able to do this before. 529 00:50:52,125 --> 00:50:53,541 I mean this is 530 00:50:53,583 --> 00:50:55,458 the first time they've ever had any access 531 00:50:55,500 --> 00:50:56,791 to curriculum. 532 00:50:56,833 --> 00:51:00,583 Emma, what was education like before? 533 00:51:00,625 --> 00:51:01,875 You had these classes to go to? 534 00:51:02,791 --> 00:51:05,083 T... - T... 535 00:51:24,541 --> 00:51:25,750 "They wasted time." 536 00:51:28,708 --> 00:51:30,458 Okay, Ben. How do you feel? 537 00:51:37,708 --> 00:51:38,958 "They"... 538 00:52:11,333 --> 00:52:12,916 "They have denied our civil rights." 539 00:52:12,958 --> 00:52:15,541 I'm sorry, Mommy. Sorry, Mommy. 540 00:52:16,333 --> 00:52:17,583 Yeah, I'm sorry. 541 00:52:35,500 --> 00:52:37,916 I used to wonder why nonspeaking me 542 00:52:37,958 --> 00:52:39,083 had ever been born. 543 00:52:44,500 --> 00:52:46,750 Autistic people have no freedom. 544 00:52:49,083 --> 00:52:50,375 We need a place to belong. 545 00:52:52,541 --> 00:52:57,083 This world is our world... there is no other. 546 00:54:13,208 --> 00:54:18,166 Jestina, she taught me how to be a father. 547 00:54:19,750 --> 00:54:21,791 The type of love we've got from her 548 00:54:21,833 --> 00:54:25,250 just changes your whole perspective on life. 549 00:54:33,500 --> 00:54:37,791 --Hmm. 550 00:54:55,333 --> 00:54:57,666 I wish I could get a gift that I loved this much! 551 00:55:04,041 --> 00:55:06,958 Seems like you can buy something so expensive 552 00:55:07,000 --> 00:55:11,666 and, Jes, you're not bothered, but the one that you like, 553 00:55:11,708 --> 00:55:13,916 it's all about the sensory, eh? 554 00:55:17,666 --> 00:55:20,541 Autistic people obsess over certain things 555 00:55:20,583 --> 00:55:22,791 because we'd go crazy if we didn't. 556 00:55:27,916 --> 00:55:32,166 Repetitive things are comforting. 557 00:55:32,208 --> 00:55:36,291 They soothe me and protect me from uncertainty. 558 00:56:03,458 --> 00:56:05,583 Oh, Jestina, football. 559 00:56:11,250 --> 00:56:12,416 Jes, let's go! 560 00:56:17,166 --> 00:56:19,041 Okay, it's time to go. 561 00:56:29,291 --> 00:56:30,791 Anywhere in the world, 562 00:56:30,833 --> 00:56:32,125 when you have a child with autism, 563 00:56:32,166 --> 00:56:34,833 there's still a lot of stigma. 564 00:56:34,875 --> 00:56:37,291 As she grew up, I started to realize that 565 00:56:37,333 --> 00:56:39,500 Jes wasn't looked at with love or empathy, 566 00:56:39,541 --> 00:56:41,791 it was with hatred and such negativity. 567 00:56:43,708 --> 00:56:46,500 One day, just outside these gates, 568 00:56:46,541 --> 00:56:48,708 she went into crisis, full-blown crisis, 569 00:56:48,750 --> 00:56:50,750 screaming, head-banging, biting. 570 00:56:52,958 --> 00:56:56,250 And I just saw people, they think... 571 00:56:56,291 --> 00:56:59,333 in Krio, they'll say... "Debul don olan." 572 00:56:59,375 --> 00:57:00,958 So, "the devil has possessed her." 573 00:57:53,083 --> 00:57:54,291 Jes knows, right? 574 00:58:24,000 --> 00:58:25,666 Oh, did that scare you? 575 00:58:34,791 --> 00:58:36,500 I wanted to meet other parents 576 00:58:36,541 --> 00:58:38,458 with children with autism 577 00:58:38,500 --> 00:58:41,041 'cause I-- I didn't even see such kids on the streets. 578 00:58:43,166 --> 00:58:45,833 So, we started with just going into communities 579 00:58:45,875 --> 00:58:50,791 and quickly realized that the stigma was so bad 580 00:58:50,833 --> 00:58:53,666 that the families were still not really coming out. 581 00:58:55,833 --> 00:58:57,416 The problem is 582 00:58:57,458 --> 00:59:00,458 centuries of misunderstandings about autism 583 00:59:00,500 --> 00:59:02,291 and that's not just in Sierra Leone, 584 00:59:02,333 --> 00:59:03,958 but across the world. 585 00:59:08,125 --> 00:59:09,833 So... 586 00:59:09,875 --> 00:59:13,208 Today I want us to share our experiences. 587 00:59:14,333 --> 00:59:17,541 I want people to understand what we all are going through. 588 00:59:19,833 --> 00:59:21,916 My own daughter is here at the back, Jes. 589 00:59:23,791 --> 00:59:26,583 So we're all in the same shoes here. 590 00:59:27,041 --> 00:59:29,625 Truly I can say, I undertand. 591 00:59:34,875 --> 00:59:36,458 The neighbors and their children... 592 00:59:37,000 --> 00:59:39,666 they say my child is mad. 593 00:59:40,250 --> 00:59:42,250 And we have to move out... 594 00:59:42,833 --> 00:59:45,416 because of pressure from the community. 595 00:59:48,583 --> 00:59:50,375 Next, anybody? 596 00:59:50,416 --> 00:59:52,791 Everywhere people call her negative names. 597 00:59:54,250 --> 00:59:55,916 They say she a devil. 598 00:59:56,458 --> 00:59:58,375 They say she a witch. 599 00:59:58,833 --> 01:00:02,166 Some say I myself must be a witch to give birth to her. 600 01:00:03,333 --> 01:00:05,750 Everyone wants me to get rid of this child. 601 01:00:06,125 --> 01:00:08,958 I have done everything I can. 602 01:00:09,750 --> 01:00:12,000 But I don't have anyone to help me. 603 01:00:12,916 --> 01:00:15,791 People tell me to dump her in the river... 604 01:00:16,208 --> 01:00:17,708 So I can find peace. 605 01:00:19,041 --> 01:00:20,833 This is our situation. 606 01:00:29,291 --> 01:00:32,833 Jes, Jes, Jestina! 607 01:00:42,125 --> 01:00:44,250 Because of the way autism presents, 608 01:00:44,291 --> 01:00:48,083 the screams, the-- You know, the sudden jumps. 609 01:00:48,125 --> 01:00:49,750 No matter what you do, 610 01:00:49,791 --> 01:00:50,916 you're the family with the devil child. 611 01:01:52,000 --> 01:01:55,333 I'm guessing that what touches you in nature 612 01:01:55,375 --> 01:01:58,500 is the beauty of the trees and the flowers and things. 613 01:02:01,666 --> 01:02:04,083 But for me, 614 01:02:04,125 --> 01:02:09,208 however often I'm ignored and pushed away by other people, 615 01:02:09,250 --> 01:02:11,708 nature always embraces me. 616 01:02:17,583 --> 01:02:20,333 When I look at nature, 617 01:02:20,375 --> 01:02:23,833 I receive a sort of permission to be alive in this world. 618 01:02:30,875 --> 01:02:32,791 The mentality we have here, 619 01:02:32,833 --> 01:02:35,541 is that we give to children 620 01:02:35,583 --> 01:02:37,583 and we expect them to look after us. 621 01:02:40,166 --> 01:02:42,750 So, when they look at kids with autism, 622 01:02:42,791 --> 01:02:45,500 to them, those children cannot give them back anything. 623 01:02:47,041 --> 01:02:48,791 And because of the pressure 624 01:02:48,833 --> 01:02:51,083 of the neighborhood, pressure of the community, 625 01:02:51,125 --> 01:02:52,125 they tend to abandon them. 626 01:02:53,625 --> 01:02:55,291 They leave them in the bush. 627 01:03:01,541 --> 01:03:03,958 Kids like ours, if they are alive, 628 01:03:04,000 --> 01:03:05,375 they're the lucky ones. 629 01:03:35,333 --> 01:03:36,791 For most of history, 630 01:03:36,833 --> 01:03:38,583 we've assigned autism to demons, 631 01:03:38,625 --> 01:03:40,833 or to witchcraft or in the early 20th century 632 01:03:40,875 --> 01:03:43,875 to 'retardation', um, and-- 633 01:03:43,916 --> 01:03:46,750 And have acted accordingly, I'm afraid. 634 01:03:46,791 --> 01:03:48,125 Um... 635 01:03:48,166 --> 01:03:49,791 ...which I don't like to think about, 636 01:03:49,833 --> 01:03:50,916 'cause that would have been my son. 637 01:03:54,666 --> 01:03:56,791 Ah. 638 01:03:56,833 --> 01:03:58,500 Very occasionally, 639 01:03:58,541 --> 01:04:00,291 amongst such severely disturbed children, 640 01:04:00,333 --> 01:04:02,083 a child may be seen 641 01:04:02,125 --> 01:04:03,875 quite out of touch with the rest of the group, 642 01:04:03,916 --> 01:04:06,458 living apparently in a world of its own. 643 01:04:06,500 --> 01:04:09,583 This is a 'psychotic' child. 644 01:04:09,625 --> 01:04:12,208 A child with autism suffers 645 01:04:12,250 --> 01:04:16,666 from a very specific kind of a defect in his comprehension, 646 01:04:16,708 --> 01:04:18,500 in his cognitive ability. 647 01:04:20,625 --> 01:04:22,458 Eugenics seeks to apply 648 01:04:22,500 --> 01:04:24,291 the known laws of heredity 649 01:04:24,333 --> 01:04:26,750 so as to prevent the degeneration of the race, 650 01:04:26,791 --> 01:04:28,750 and improve its inborn qualities. 651 01:04:31,000 --> 01:04:33,875 We call upon a merciful destiny... 652 01:04:34,750 --> 01:04:37,416 to liberate these regrettable creatures... 653 01:04:37,708 --> 01:04:40,375 from their existence without life. 654 01:04:44,875 --> 01:04:48,000 So, it's always been with us, it's just... 655 01:04:48,041 --> 01:04:51,333 neurotypicals are rubbish at understanding anything 656 01:04:51,375 --> 01:04:52,833 that is not neurotypical. 657 01:04:56,916 --> 01:04:58,458 We are born outside 658 01:04:58,500 --> 01:05:00,833 the regime of your civilization. 659 01:05:05,291 --> 01:05:07,625 With all the killings and planet-wrecking 660 01:05:07,666 --> 01:05:10,208 that humanity has committed, 661 01:05:10,250 --> 01:05:14,000 perhaps autism could help you remember what truly matters. 662 01:05:32,833 --> 01:05:35,375 Look at you dancing at your party. 663 01:05:35,416 --> 01:05:37,166 I loved that dancing you did. 664 01:05:39,291 --> 01:05:43,458 Yeah, Jes' turn, okay, she knows, she knows. 665 01:05:43,500 --> 01:05:44,625 Your turn, Jes. 666 01:05:46,000 --> 01:05:48,500 --Jes' turn. 667 01:05:49,791 --> 01:05:50,916 Jes' turn. 668 01:05:52,833 --> 01:05:56,791 Yay! Yay! 669 01:05:56,833 --> 01:05:58,583 We cannot just close our eyes 670 01:05:58,625 --> 01:06:00,333 to what we've seen. 671 01:06:00,375 --> 01:06:03,083 We need to do something about it. 672 01:06:03,125 --> 01:06:05,833 We decided to take it to a different level. 673 01:06:05,875 --> 01:06:09,958 Went to TV stations, radio stations, to go all out, 674 01:06:10,000 --> 01:06:14,250 to get the nation to understand what autism is. 675 01:06:14,291 --> 01:06:16,958 So that they'd be able to walk the streets, 676 01:06:17,000 --> 01:06:18,791 you know, without having that fear. 677 01:06:21,625 --> 01:06:23,000 They need a normal life. 678 01:06:26,125 --> 01:06:29,125 So eventually in 2017 679 01:06:29,166 --> 01:06:31,041 we set up a school. 680 01:06:33,458 --> 01:06:35,208 How do you feel? 681 01:06:35,250 --> 01:06:38,458 I feel fine. 682 01:06:38,500 --> 01:06:40,333 I started to see a big difference, 683 01:06:40,375 --> 01:06:42,000 in the families' lives and in the kids' lives. 684 01:06:44,208 --> 01:06:47,041 It's certainly the first school of its kind. 685 01:06:47,083 --> 01:06:49,166 And eventually, after many months, 686 01:06:49,208 --> 01:06:51,500 we got the community on our side. 687 01:06:51,541 --> 01:06:54,000 I think they were fearful because they didn't know 688 01:06:54,041 --> 01:06:55,791 what was wrong and all they knew 689 01:06:55,833 --> 01:06:57,875 was these traditional beliefs. 690 01:06:57,916 --> 01:07:00,916 But now though we've seen a total turnaround. 691 01:07:00,958 --> 01:07:03,041 They know most of our kids by name now, 692 01:07:03,083 --> 01:07:05,458 so when they're coming down the road they'll call them, 693 01:07:05,500 --> 01:07:07,458 say "Hi." 694 01:07:07,500 --> 01:07:09,291 So, I think the fact that we now have that relationship 695 01:07:09,333 --> 01:07:12,458 with the community, means our kids are safe there. 696 01:07:15,833 --> 01:07:18,250 The new government has recognized the school 697 01:07:18,291 --> 01:07:22,333 and I think the narrative is changing for Sierra Leone. 698 01:07:22,375 --> 01:07:25,500 What is in the box? 699 01:07:25,541 --> 01:07:29,833 --You don't know? 700 01:07:31,625 --> 01:07:38,041 There is a lunch box! 701 01:07:39,500 --> 01:07:40,916 Who wants to go to school? 702 01:07:45,083 --> 01:07:47,875 I want to grow up learning a million things. 703 01:07:50,625 --> 01:07:53,625 There must be countless other autistic people 704 01:07:53,666 --> 01:07:54,916 who have the same desire. 705 01:07:58,958 --> 01:08:00,916 We too want to grow. 706 01:08:04,250 --> 01:08:06,625 Welcome to North Foreland lighthouse. 707 01:08:07,958 --> 01:08:10,666 It was originally built in 1691. 708 01:08:12,416 --> 01:08:15,708 It's very high, Joss, very high. 709 01:08:19,125 --> 01:08:21,041 It's a house. - It is a house, 710 01:08:21,083 --> 01:08:22,041 it's a lighthouse. 711 01:08:25,291 --> 01:08:26,791 Can you hear the wind? 712 01:08:35,125 --> 01:08:37,375 The hardest ordeal for me 713 01:08:37,416 --> 01:08:42,416 is the idea that I am causing grief for other people. 714 01:08:42,458 --> 01:08:45,958 Please keep battling alongside me. 715 01:09:01,875 --> 01:09:03,333 We're in the color tent! 716 01:09:03,375 --> 01:09:04,583 We are in the color tent! 717 01:09:04,625 --> 01:09:05,750 The boys are happy? 718 01:09:05,791 --> 01:09:07,750 Joss is going back to see Mummy. 719 01:09:10,958 --> 01:09:12,166 Joss, everything is blue! 720 01:09:13,583 --> 01:09:16,875 Everything is red! 721 01:09:16,916 --> 01:09:20,000 We're in the color tent! 722 01:09:20,958 --> 01:09:22,291 Oh, Joss! 723 01:09:29,625 --> 01:09:32,625 Right now, Joss is having a joy that I will never come close to. 724 01:09:43,041 --> 01:09:46,666 Being with Joss is to live more in the moment. 725 01:09:46,708 --> 01:09:50,708 It's to let go of the long train of things 726 01:09:50,750 --> 01:09:52,833 that we all carry around behind us, 727 01:09:52,875 --> 01:09:56,041 and that interfere with us living now. 728 01:10:29,625 --> 01:10:32,166 I used to think it would be the best thing 729 01:10:32,208 --> 01:10:35,125 if I could live my life like other people. 730 01:10:35,166 --> 01:10:38,958 But now, even if somebody could change my autism, 731 01:10:39,000 --> 01:10:41,666 I would choose to stay as I am. 732 01:10:54,416 --> 01:10:58,666 For me, you see, autism is normal. 733 01:10:58,708 --> 01:11:02,333 I can't be sure what your normal is even like. 734 01:11:08,708 --> 01:11:12,041 The future is an undiscovered country, 735 01:11:12,083 --> 01:11:16,666 literally, for us, and our hope is that there will be a place 736 01:11:16,708 --> 01:11:20,166 for Joss, there will be a world, there will be a society, 737 01:11:20,208 --> 01:11:22,416 there will be an understanding for Joss that would mean 738 01:11:22,458 --> 01:11:26,250 that when we are not here, he will be okay. 739 01:11:26,291 --> 01:11:29,125 And that's what we-- That's... 740 01:11:33,750 --> 01:11:34,750 That's... 741 01:11:39,458 --> 01:11:42,916 This is why we don't go to the future very often. 742 01:11:42,958 --> 01:11:46,250 Because the idea that Joss is going to be alone 743 01:11:46,291 --> 01:11:47,291 is really frightening. 744 01:12:10,375 --> 01:12:11,833 It sounds like I'm nagging you, 745 01:12:11,875 --> 01:12:14,583 but you know what? I'm getting you ready. 746 01:12:14,625 --> 01:12:16,333 Mommy's not gonna come and fold clothes 747 01:12:16,375 --> 01:12:18,500 at your new apartment. Huh? 748 01:12:18,541 --> 01:12:21,625 I'm not gonna do that! 749 01:12:21,666 --> 01:12:22,708 Let's try another way. 750 01:12:30,916 --> 01:12:33,125 And? Hmm? 751 01:12:33,166 --> 01:12:34,333 Keep going, keep going. 752 01:12:36,250 --> 01:12:37,250 Keep going. 753 01:12:39,583 --> 01:12:40,791 Okay, what's next? 754 01:12:43,541 --> 01:12:45,291 Hmm. 755 01:12:45,333 --> 01:12:46,958 Look, look, look, come on, Ben! 756 01:12:52,208 --> 01:12:53,291 Try it your way! 757 01:12:55,083 --> 01:12:57,458 Let's see if that works, you may have discovered 758 01:12:57,500 --> 01:13:00,541 a new way, that's better than Mommy's way. 759 01:13:00,583 --> 01:13:02,916 Okay, now what do you do? To get it to look like that, 760 01:13:02,958 --> 01:13:04,458 what are you going to do next? 761 01:13:07,375 --> 01:13:09,958 Ah, interesting, you know, it's interesting! 762 01:13:10,000 --> 01:13:11,333 What do you think? It's gonna be 763 01:13:11,375 --> 01:13:12,416 a little bit different with Mommy 764 01:13:12,458 --> 01:13:13,875 not doing laundry every day. 765 01:13:15,333 --> 01:13:16,500 Hmm? 766 01:13:58,916 --> 01:14:00,791 The building is under construction. 767 01:14:00,833 --> 01:14:02,916 Just got to be careful where we walk. 768 01:14:02,958 --> 01:14:05,500 When you move in in a couple of months 769 01:14:05,541 --> 01:14:07,500 you'll have a full orientation 770 01:14:07,541 --> 01:14:09,916 and tour of everything in the building, 771 01:14:09,958 --> 01:14:13,666 including how the elevators work and where the laundry rooms are. 772 01:14:13,708 --> 01:14:16,041 And today we're gonna take a look at the rooms. 773 01:14:17,750 --> 01:14:21,041 Yes! Emma say yes! 774 01:14:30,875 --> 01:14:33,750 So, do you want to come look in the bedrooms? 775 01:14:33,791 --> 01:14:34,833 Emma say yes! 776 01:15:00,666 --> 01:15:02,833 So a very warm welcome to everyone gathered here 777 01:15:02,875 --> 01:15:04,625 for Amrit's solo show, 778 01:15:04,666 --> 01:15:06,833 'Metro Diaries, Lives Extraordinaire.' 779 01:15:58,041 --> 01:16:00,000 I think we can change the conversation 780 01:16:00,041 --> 01:16:01,833 around autism. 781 01:16:03,333 --> 01:16:05,791 B... Get it. Y. "By..." 782 01:16:11,666 --> 01:16:12,750 "By being..." 783 01:16:17,041 --> 01:16:17,958 " ...part..." 784 01:16:19,916 --> 01:16:20,875 Get it. 785 01:16:21,625 --> 01:16:23,250 "...part of..." 786 01:16:26,166 --> 01:16:27,375 "Part of the..." 787 01:16:30,375 --> 01:16:31,625 Right to it. 788 01:16:33,458 --> 01:16:34,541 Look at it. 789 01:16:43,250 --> 01:16:45,250 "I think we can change the conversation 790 01:16:45,291 --> 01:16:48,291 around autism by being part of the conversation." 791 01:17:24,791 --> 01:17:27,666 When I was little, there was always a question 792 01:17:27,708 --> 01:17:30,250 that was a big, big worry. 793 01:17:30,291 --> 01:17:33,166 What am I going to become? 794 01:17:33,208 --> 01:17:35,000 Will I ever be able to live properly 795 01:17:35,041 --> 01:17:36,208 as a human being? 796 01:17:43,625 --> 01:17:46,666 I don't pretend for a moment that everything I've written 797 01:17:46,708 --> 01:17:48,625 applies to all autistic people... 798 01:17:49,666 --> 01:17:51,250 but I wrote this book 799 01:17:51,291 --> 01:17:54,333 so that you can come to understand me. 800 01:17:54,375 --> 01:17:56,541 In the hope that my future 801 01:17:56,583 --> 01:17:58,458 will be connected with your future. 802 01:18:02,916 --> 01:18:06,041 Above all, that's what I want. 803 01:18:47,791 --> 01:18:50,625 ♪ Having trouble telling How I feel ♪ 804 01:18:50,666 --> 01:18:55,541 ♪ But I can dance, Dance, dance ♪ 805 01:18:55,583 --> 01:18:58,666 ♪ Couldn't possibly tell you How I mean ♪ 806 01:18:58,708 --> 01:19:02,416 ♪ But I can Dance, dance, dance ♪ 807 01:19:02,458 --> 01:19:06,291 ♪ So when I'm tripping my feet Look at the beat ♪ 808 01:19:06,333 --> 01:19:10,458 ♪ The words are written In the sand ♪ 809 01:19:10,500 --> 01:19:14,166 ♪ When I'm shaking my hips Look for the swing ♪ 810 01:19:14,208 --> 01:19:18,375 ♪ The words are Written in the air ♪ 811 01:19:18,416 --> 01:19:25,833 ♪ Ooh dance I was a dancer all along ♪ 812 01:19:25,875 --> 01:19:29,750 ♪ Dance, dance, dance ♪ 813 01:19:29,791 --> 01:19:32,958 ♪ Words could never make up For what you do ♪ 814 01:19:35,166 --> 01:19:38,041 ♪ Easy conversations No such thing ♪ 815 01:19:38,083 --> 01:19:42,750 ♪ No I'm shy, shy, shy ♪ 816 01:19:42,791 --> 01:19:47,208 ♪ My hips they lie 'Cause in reality ♪ 817 01:19:47,250 --> 01:19:49,625 ♪ I'm shy, shy, shy ♪ 818 01:19:49,666 --> 01:19:53,708 ♪ So when I'm tripping my feet Look at the ground ♪ 819 01:19:53,750 --> 01:19:57,875 ♪ The words are written In the dust ♪ 820 01:19:57,916 --> 01:20:01,541 ♪ When I'm shaking my hips Look for the swing ♪ 821 01:20:01,583 --> 01:20:05,666 ♪ The words are written In the air ♪ 822 01:20:05,708 --> 01:20:13,083 ♪ Ooh dance I was a dancer all along ♪ 823 01:20:13,125 --> 01:20:17,041 ♪ Dance, dance, dance ♪ 824 01:20:17,083 --> 01:20:20,500 ♪ Words could never make up For what you do ♪ 825 01:20:37,041 --> 01:20:44,458 ♪ Ooh dance I was a dancer all along ♪ 826 01:20:44,500 --> 01:20:48,250 ♪ Dance, dance, dance ♪ 827 01:20:48,291 --> 01:20:52,125 ♪ Words could never make up For what you do ♪ 828 01:20:52,166 --> 01:20:55,750 ♪ Dance, dance, dance ♪ 829 01:20:55,791 --> 01:21:00,041 ♪ Ooh I was a dancer all along ♪ 830 01:21:00,083 --> 01:21:03,750 ♪ Dance, dance, dance ♪ 831 01:21:03,791 --> 01:21:07,791 ♪ Words could never make up For what you do ♪ 832 01:21:07,833 --> 01:21:15,583 ♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance ♪ 833 01:21:15,625 --> 01:21:23,375 ♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance ♪ 834 01:21:23,416 --> 01:21:27,416 ♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance ♪ 835 01:21:27,458 --> 01:21:31,208 ♪ Oh I was a dancer all along ♪ 836 01:21:31,250 --> 01:21:34,958 ♪ Dance, dance, dance ♪ - ♪ Dance, dance, dance ♪ 837 01:21:35,000 --> 01:21:39,125 ♪ Now words could never make up For what you do ♪ 838 01:21:39,166 --> 01:21:46,833 ♪ Dance, dance, dance, dance ♪ 57543

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