Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:32,848 --> 00:00:36,551
Your Excellency.
Welcome to Wickenberg, sir.
2
00:01:15,457 --> 00:01:17,992
Well, good morning,
James.
3
00:01:17,994 --> 00:01:19,894
Hi, Artie.
Anything happening?
4
00:01:19,896 --> 00:01:20,895
Oh,
same old thing.
5
00:01:20,897 --> 00:01:23,064
Just a different town.
Thank you.
6
00:01:23,066 --> 00:01:25,132
As I was saying,
Colonel Pellargo,
7
00:01:25,134 --> 00:01:27,068
welcome to Wickenberg.
8
00:01:27,070 --> 00:01:29,637
You're very capable.
Your name?
9
00:01:29,639 --> 00:01:31,472
My name is James West,
10
00:01:31,474 --> 00:01:33,641
and this is my partner
Artemus Gordon.
11
00:01:35,311 --> 00:01:37,378
Assigned to me
by your government?
12
00:01:37,380 --> 00:01:38,779
That's right, sir.
13
00:01:40,816 --> 00:01:42,417
I approve.
14
00:02:10,679 --> 00:02:14,115
I trust you will forgive
my men.
15
00:02:14,117 --> 00:02:17,318
They were only trying to keep me
from being murdered.
16
00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:19,387
Well, if that's what I had
on my mind,
17
00:02:19,389 --> 00:02:21,789
I could have murdered
you easily.
18
00:02:21,791 --> 00:02:23,524
And if you had,
Mr. West,
19
00:02:23,526 --> 00:02:26,361
there'd be no harm done,
would there?
20
00:02:33,335 --> 00:02:34,636
A double,
21
00:02:34,638 --> 00:02:36,638
or should I say
a lightning rod?
22
00:02:36,640 --> 00:02:37,805
If you prefer.
23
00:02:37,807 --> 00:02:40,107
But a lightning rod
24
00:02:40,109 --> 00:02:42,477
who is handsomely paid
for the risks he takes.
25
00:02:42,479 --> 00:02:45,313
Very ingenious.
You had me fooled.
26
00:02:45,315 --> 00:02:48,716
Pellargo has many people fooled,
Mr. West,
27
00:02:48,718 --> 00:02:50,084
which is why Pellargo
28
00:02:50,086 --> 00:02:51,653
is still listed
among the living, eh?
29
00:02:54,323 --> 00:02:56,891
Sir? Your Excellency?
30
00:02:56,893 --> 00:02:58,559
Fifteen minutes
is all I can give you.
31
00:02:58,561 --> 00:02:59,827
Work fast
and efficiently.
32
00:02:59,829 --> 00:03:01,829
Yes, sir, Your Excellency.
Yes, sir.
33
00:03:10,839 --> 00:03:13,508
An old custom
in my country:
34
00:03:13,510 --> 00:03:14,975
A portrait
of its ruler
35
00:03:14,977 --> 00:03:17,312
to be distributed
amongst the people.
36
00:03:17,314 --> 00:03:19,580
As a substitute for bread?
37
00:03:19,582 --> 00:03:23,117
I like you, Mr. West.
38
00:03:23,119 --> 00:03:25,720
You say what you think.
39
00:03:25,722 --> 00:03:28,088
My country, alas, is poor.
40
00:03:28,090 --> 00:03:30,958
We cannot afford
both portraits and bread.
41
00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:34,329
So your people get portraits.
42
00:03:34,331 --> 00:03:35,596
Why not?
43
00:03:35,598 --> 00:03:38,165
My people
are completely dedicated
44
00:03:38,167 --> 00:03:39,867
to two basic objectives.
45
00:03:39,869 --> 00:03:41,836
The first is eking out
46
00:03:41,838 --> 00:03:44,505
a wretched
hand-to-mouth existence,
47
00:03:44,507 --> 00:03:45,540
and the second-
48
00:03:45,542 --> 00:03:47,508
Trying to assassinate you.
49
00:03:47,510 --> 00:03:51,045
From time to time, yes.
50
00:03:51,047 --> 00:03:53,180
I'm a reasonable man.
51
00:03:53,182 --> 00:03:56,016
I'm willing to grant them
the first,
52
00:03:56,018 --> 00:03:57,985
but never the second.
53
00:04:00,356 --> 00:04:03,491
Hold it, sir.
Hold it.
54
00:04:57,379 --> 00:04:59,514
Where'd he go?
55
00:04:59,516 --> 00:05:01,682
He disappeared
into thin air...
56
00:05:02,751 --> 00:05:04,118
or thick walls.
57
00:05:17,599 --> 00:05:20,735
He was kind enough
to leave a souvenir behind,
58
00:05:23,572 --> 00:05:25,840
complete with bloodstains.
59
00:07:06,041 --> 00:07:07,875
Ah.
60
00:07:07,877 --> 00:07:10,611
Good evening, Mr. Antille.
You're a few moments late.
61
00:07:10,613 --> 00:07:11,913
My arm is hurting.
62
00:07:11,915 --> 00:07:13,748
Yes, well, I can see
you've got a wound there,
63
00:07:13,750 --> 00:07:15,049
and I'll take care of it
for you.
64
00:07:15,051 --> 00:07:17,151
Uh, the blood. Uh, don't drop it
on the carpet
65
00:07:17,153 --> 00:07:19,854
because it gives the mourners
a very bad impression.
66
00:07:19,856 --> 00:07:21,923
Um, will you follow me,
please?
67
00:07:29,197 --> 00:07:31,999
Oh, uh, you just,
uh, sit down here
68
00:07:32,001 --> 00:07:35,335
on the table, will you,
please?
69
00:07:38,607 --> 00:07:40,908
It's not a very
comfortable table, but then,
70
00:07:40,910 --> 00:07:42,877
very few of my clients
complain about it.
71
00:07:51,152 --> 00:07:52,352
Now...
72
00:07:53,756 --> 00:07:55,489
Oh, it hurts, does it?
73
00:07:55,491 --> 00:07:56,490
Yes.
74
00:07:56,492 --> 00:07:58,258
Well, let me see that.
75
00:07:58,260 --> 00:08:00,394
Well, you're very fortunate,
you know.
76
00:08:00,396 --> 00:08:02,597
That's just a flesh wound.
77
00:08:02,599 --> 00:08:05,933
We'll have that taken care of
right away.
78
00:08:05,935 --> 00:08:07,301
There.
79
00:08:07,303 --> 00:08:09,837
I trust you accomplished
your mission tonight, hmm?
80
00:08:09,839 --> 00:08:11,205
I always do.
81
00:08:11,207 --> 00:08:13,307
Why should this job
be an exception?
82
00:08:13,309 --> 00:08:15,109
Heh-heh-heh! Well,
very good, very good.
83
00:08:15,111 --> 00:08:17,511
Very good.
Congratulations.
84
00:08:17,513 --> 00:08:18,713
Well, that being done,
85
00:08:18,715 --> 00:08:22,282
I suppose it remains now
only for me
86
00:08:23,318 --> 00:08:26,020
to fulfill
the little service
87
00:08:26,022 --> 00:08:27,622
that you and I
contracted for, eh?
88
00:08:27,624 --> 00:08:30,958
The agent guarding Pellargo
came after me.
89
00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:33,060
I suppose they'll soon
be searching the whole area.
90
00:08:34,497 --> 00:08:36,964
Uh, yes.
I anticipated that.
91
00:08:36,966 --> 00:08:41,068
And so we have accommodations
provided for you right here.
92
00:08:41,070 --> 00:08:42,369
I'll show you.
93
00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:49,010
Here you have
our slumber wall.
94
00:08:55,851 --> 00:08:58,519
Ooh, sorry, old boy.
Occupied.
95
00:09:04,292 --> 00:09:07,662
Voilà, as they say
in Paris, France.
96
00:09:07,664 --> 00:09:09,697
Must it be there?
97
00:09:09,699 --> 00:09:13,734
Oh, well, really, this is
the safest place, you know,
98
00:09:13,736 --> 00:09:15,036
in case of a search.
99
00:09:15,038 --> 00:09:19,674
And our other guests
will never disturb your rest.
100
00:09:31,253 --> 00:09:34,689
♪ She wheeled a wheelbarrow ♪
101
00:09:34,691 --> 00:09:37,992
♪ Through the streets
Broad and narrow ♪
102
00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:41,395
♪ Singing cockles and mussels ♪
103
00:09:41,397 --> 00:09:46,633
♪ Alive, alive, oh ♪
104
00:09:46,635 --> 00:09:51,405
♪ She was a fishmonger
And sure 'twas no wonder ♪
105
00:09:51,407 --> 00:09:56,577
♪ For her father and mother
Were fishmongers too ♪
106
00:10:01,983 --> 00:10:05,753
♪ Now, they wheeled
Their wheelbarrow ♪
107
00:10:09,191 --> 00:10:13,060
♪ Through streets
Broad and narrow ♪
108
00:10:13,062 --> 00:10:14,494
♪ Singing ♪
109
00:10:16,698 --> 00:10:21,368
♪ Cockles and mussels ♪
110
00:10:21,370 --> 00:10:23,838
♪ Alive, alive ♪
111
00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:26,340
♪ Oh ♪
112
00:10:26,342 --> 00:10:29,243
♪ Alive ♪
113
00:10:29,245 --> 00:10:30,945
♪ Oh ♪
114
00:10:43,125 --> 00:10:46,493
There was no reason for you
to come to me, Señora Pellargo.
115
00:10:46,495 --> 00:10:48,262
I would have gladly
come to you.
116
00:10:49,231 --> 00:10:52,032
I wanted to walk.
117
00:10:52,034 --> 00:10:55,770
Walls in my room were beginning
to close in on me.
118
00:10:55,772 --> 00:10:57,337
What did you wish
to see me about?
119
00:10:57,339 --> 00:11:00,107
I've been entrusted to deliver
this telegram to you
120
00:11:00,109 --> 00:11:01,708
from the president
of the United States.
121
00:11:01,710 --> 00:11:04,145
An official expression
of sorrow?
122
00:11:04,147 --> 00:11:07,214
Sympathy? Heartfelt condolences?
Am I correct?
123
00:11:08,650 --> 00:11:11,252
Will that bring back
my husband
124
00:11:11,254 --> 00:11:14,989
or bring his murderer
to justice?
125
00:11:14,991 --> 00:11:16,957
I'm sorry, señora,
126
00:11:16,959 --> 00:11:18,325
but you might be
interested to know
127
00:11:18,327 --> 00:11:20,060
we've identified
your husband's murderer.
128
00:11:20,062 --> 00:11:21,796
Who is he?
129
00:11:24,900 --> 00:11:27,601
Claudio Antille,
assassin,
130
00:11:27,603 --> 00:11:29,569
courtesy
of Washington's file
131
00:11:29,571 --> 00:11:31,405
of international
wanted criminals.
132
00:11:31,407 --> 00:11:36,076
Portrait of a murderer.
133
00:11:36,078 --> 00:11:38,112
The United States has been made
to look responsible
134
00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:39,914
for your husband's death.
135
00:11:39,916 --> 00:11:41,715
How is it possible
that this man
136
00:11:41,717 --> 00:11:43,818
has accomplished
what he set out to do?
137
00:11:43,820 --> 00:11:46,653
Antille is, in his own way,
very capable.
138
00:11:46,655 --> 00:11:48,322
Think of his preparation.
139
00:11:48,324 --> 00:11:50,257
He arrived
only two months ago,
140
00:11:50,259 --> 00:11:52,293
set up his shop
as a photographer
141
00:11:52,295 --> 00:11:54,428
under an assumed name.
142
00:11:54,430 --> 00:11:56,763
And then he waited
patiently until-
143
00:11:59,301 --> 00:12:01,735
Oh, excuse me, señora.
144
00:12:01,737 --> 00:12:03,470
Can I see you
for a minute, Jim?
145
00:12:09,878 --> 00:12:11,312
What is it? Antille?
146
00:12:12,580 --> 00:12:13,714
He's been found.
147
00:12:13,716 --> 00:12:17,151
Oh, thank heaven.
148
00:12:18,619 --> 00:12:21,222
What does a murderer say
when he is caught?
149
00:12:23,024 --> 00:12:25,025
In this case, nothing.
150
00:12:26,895 --> 00:12:27,995
He's dead.
151
00:12:46,147 --> 00:12:48,515
Are you sure
you feel up to this?
152
00:12:48,517 --> 00:12:49,649
I want to do it.
153
00:12:49,651 --> 00:12:51,051
It'll be painful.
154
00:12:51,053 --> 00:12:53,320
So was the loss
of my husband.
155
00:12:53,322 --> 00:12:55,522
I want to see
his murderer.
156
00:13:07,102 --> 00:13:08,802
Ah, good day.
157
00:13:08,804 --> 00:13:12,773
Can I be of assistance to you
in your hour of sadness?
158
00:13:12,775 --> 00:13:14,341
Are you in charge here?
159
00:13:14,343 --> 00:13:17,577
Yes, I'm Fabian Lavendor,
the director.
160
00:13:17,579 --> 00:13:18,712
You have a body here
161
00:13:18,714 --> 00:13:21,181
presumed to be
that of Claudio Antille.
162
00:13:21,183 --> 00:13:24,851
Oh, yes, that one.
Yes, we have him here.
163
00:13:24,853 --> 00:13:26,453
How does he happen
to be here?
164
00:13:26,455 --> 00:13:29,689
Well, that was irregular,
but the men who found him
165
00:13:29,691 --> 00:13:32,293
simply said this was
the nearest available place,
166
00:13:32,295 --> 00:13:34,261
so I could hardly
turn them away.
167
00:13:34,263 --> 00:13:36,897
I notified the police
very soon after.
168
00:13:36,899 --> 00:13:38,065
Who brought him in?
169
00:13:38,067 --> 00:13:39,466
They were two laborers.
170
00:13:39,468 --> 00:13:42,136
They declined
to give their names.
171
00:13:42,138 --> 00:13:44,671
And I have no authority to force
that kind of information.
172
00:13:44,673 --> 00:13:47,607
They left rather quickly
before I had a chance
173
00:13:47,609 --> 00:13:49,709
to discover the bullet wound
in the departed.
174
00:13:49,711 --> 00:13:51,745
You made
the identification?
175
00:13:51,747 --> 00:13:55,549
Yes, from some papers
in the coat and a- A letter.
176
00:13:55,551 --> 00:13:58,352
I'll get them for you.
177
00:13:58,354 --> 00:14:02,656
Uh, are you and madam
related to the deceased?
178
00:14:02,658 --> 00:14:06,660
The, uh, señora is the widow
of the man Antille killed.
179
00:14:06,662 --> 00:14:09,596
Oh, I see. Well, I'm-
I'm very sorry.
180
00:14:09,598 --> 00:14:11,865
My sympathies,
and if I can be
181
00:14:11,867 --> 00:14:14,201
of professional service
to the señora, why-
182
00:14:14,203 --> 00:14:16,003
It's been taken care of,
thank you.
183
00:14:16,005 --> 00:14:17,237
May we see the body,
please?
184
00:14:17,239 --> 00:14:19,974
Of course. He's reposing
right here in the chapel,
185
00:14:19,976 --> 00:14:21,575
so if you'll step
this way.
186
00:14:32,854 --> 00:14:35,456
So that's the monster.
187
00:14:39,828 --> 00:14:41,895
Could you please take care
of the señora for a moment?
188
00:14:41,897 --> 00:14:44,531
Yes, of course.
Come this way, señora.
189
00:14:44,533 --> 00:14:46,833
We've got
some smelling salts.
190
00:15:36,385 --> 00:15:40,554
Oh, no more, please.
I'm quite all right now.
191
00:15:40,556 --> 00:15:41,988
I'm sorry to have kept
you waiting,
192
00:15:41,990 --> 00:15:44,891
but I had to be positive.
I'll have to keep these papers.
193
00:15:44,893 --> 00:15:47,494
Yes, of course.
About the financial...
194
00:15:47,496 --> 00:15:49,263
I'll see that the government
reimburses you.
195
00:15:49,265 --> 00:15:51,098
Fine. Mm-hmm.
196
00:16:11,819 --> 00:16:13,220
Sorry, old boy.
197
00:16:13,222 --> 00:16:16,656
I had hoped to send you off
with a little pomp and ceremony,
198
00:16:16,658 --> 00:16:17,891
however...
199
00:17:04,071 --> 00:17:05,439
Artemus...
200
00:17:06,907 --> 00:17:08,008
Gordon.
201
00:17:09,511 --> 00:17:11,478
There.
202
00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:13,480
Case closed
and report completed.
203
00:17:13,482 --> 00:17:16,183
Sign on the dotted line,
Jim.
204
00:17:16,185 --> 00:17:19,686
Something still bothers me.
Like what?
205
00:17:19,688 --> 00:17:22,456
I don't know exactly.
I still keep wondering
206
00:17:22,458 --> 00:17:24,724
how Antille got out
of that blind alley.
207
00:17:24,726 --> 00:17:27,127
What difference does it make?
He's dead.
208
00:17:27,129 --> 00:17:28,529
Wonder why.
209
00:17:28,531 --> 00:17:30,130
Well, the coroner's report says
210
00:17:30,132 --> 00:17:33,700
because of unseemly familiarity
with a bullet.
211
00:17:33,702 --> 00:17:35,702
Our job's finished.
212
00:17:35,704 --> 00:17:37,671
Is it?
213
00:17:37,673 --> 00:17:39,439
Look, what's eating you,
Jim?
214
00:17:39,441 --> 00:17:42,075
Antille killed Pellargo.
He tried to kill you, then me,
215
00:17:42,077 --> 00:17:43,943
finally wound up
as your target.
216
00:17:43,945 --> 00:17:47,347
What if it wasn't Antille's body
in that coffin?
217
00:17:47,349 --> 00:17:48,582
How could it not be?
218
00:17:48,584 --> 00:17:50,617
You recognized his face,
didn't you?
219
00:17:50,619 --> 00:17:52,118
I did.
220
00:17:52,120 --> 00:17:54,221
His wallet and papers
are authentic.
221
00:17:54,223 --> 00:17:56,823
The scars on his body match
the description in the dossier,
222
00:17:56,825 --> 00:17:58,625
ditto the cuff link I found.
223
00:17:59,594 --> 00:18:01,695
Everything you say is correct.
224
00:18:01,697 --> 00:18:04,097
Well, then what more
do you want?
225
00:18:04,099 --> 00:18:08,235
I wanna check
the missing persons file.
226
00:18:08,237 --> 00:18:11,405
All right, Jim,
now it's my turn to ask.
227
00:18:11,407 --> 00:18:13,073
Why?
228
00:18:13,075 --> 00:18:15,242
Because, Artie,
229
00:18:15,244 --> 00:18:17,877
things aren't always
what they seem to be.
230
00:18:37,131 --> 00:18:38,332
Look here, Lavendor,
231
00:18:38,334 --> 00:18:39,899
I've been going out
of my mind.
232
00:18:39,901 --> 00:18:42,902
Oh, now, now, now, you mustn't
do that, Mr. Antille.
233
00:18:42,904 --> 00:18:45,405
We must avoid that
at all costs.
234
00:18:45,407 --> 00:18:46,540
These mummy wrappings,
235
00:18:46,542 --> 00:18:48,242
how much longer
do I have to wear them?
236
00:18:48,244 --> 00:18:50,043
Well, not any longer,
Mr. Antille,
237
00:18:50,045 --> 00:18:52,479
I'm happy to tell you.
238
00:18:52,481 --> 00:18:54,147
You mean you're going
to take them off now?
239
00:18:54,149 --> 00:18:55,482
Yes, that's exactly
what I mean.
240
00:18:55,484 --> 00:18:57,317
Now, if you'll seat yourself
in that chair.
241
00:18:57,319 --> 00:18:59,052
Please, go ahead.
242
00:19:02,390 --> 00:19:05,125
I'm going to remove
these wrappings,
243
00:19:05,127 --> 00:19:07,861
and unveil the new you.
244
00:19:07,863 --> 00:19:10,264
Now...
245
00:19:11,299 --> 00:19:12,299
Here we are.
246
00:19:12,301 --> 00:19:14,134
Wait.
247
00:19:14,136 --> 00:19:16,102
What if I don't like
the new me?
248
00:19:16,104 --> 00:19:18,372
Ah, well, I'm afraid
you have no choice.
249
00:19:18,374 --> 00:19:20,039
I mean to say,
the old you
250
00:19:20,041 --> 00:19:22,676
is wanted by the police
for murder. Mm-hm.
251
00:19:22,678 --> 00:19:25,479
Yes, you're- You're right,
of course. I-
252
00:19:25,481 --> 00:19:27,447
I just got panicked there
for a moment.
253
00:19:27,449 --> 00:19:30,150
Well, it's perfectly normal,
I assure you.
254
00:19:30,152 --> 00:19:33,520
I had a client once,
an Albanian knife artist
255
00:19:33,522 --> 00:19:35,522
who was wanted
for multiple murders.
256
00:19:35,524 --> 00:19:38,024
Why, he broke down
and wept uncontrollably
257
00:19:38,026 --> 00:19:40,860
at the very moment
that you're facing now.
258
00:19:40,862 --> 00:19:42,962
And?
Oh, happy ending.
259
00:19:42,964 --> 00:19:45,499
Fell in love with the new face
I provided for him.
260
00:19:45,501 --> 00:19:47,967
He became a distinguished
importer in Cairo,
261
00:19:47,969 --> 00:19:49,703
traveled widely
with the best circle.
262
00:19:49,705 --> 00:19:51,237
He even sent me
a few clients.
263
00:19:51,239 --> 00:19:53,540
Now one moment.
264
00:20:10,625 --> 00:20:12,359
I don't believe it.
265
00:20:15,330 --> 00:20:17,297
I'm a different person.
266
00:20:17,299 --> 00:20:20,099
Uh, you are
Charles Kobles Stevens,
267
00:20:20,101 --> 00:20:21,167
to be precise,
268
00:20:21,169 --> 00:20:23,437
a dealer in lithographs
and etchings.
269
00:20:23,439 --> 00:20:25,605
Uh, now, I have here
your papers:
270
00:20:25,607 --> 00:20:29,142
identification, passport,
steamship tickets.
271
00:20:29,144 --> 00:20:31,010
You're to leave the country
within three days.
272
00:20:31,012 --> 00:20:34,180
Well, it's fantastic.
273
00:20:34,182 --> 00:20:36,883
Mr. Lavendor,
you're a real artist.
274
00:20:36,885 --> 00:20:38,284
Why...
275
00:20:38,286 --> 00:20:40,654
Oh, uh, Golo.
276
00:20:40,656 --> 00:20:42,356
I don't believe
you've met, eh, Golo.
277
00:20:42,358 --> 00:20:44,491
He's in charge
of field operations,
278
00:20:44,493 --> 00:20:46,960
that is to say,
the acquisition of bodies.
279
00:20:46,962 --> 00:20:48,762
It was he who recognized
the suitability
280
00:20:48,764 --> 00:20:51,832
of the double that we, uh,
a-acquired for you.
281
00:20:51,834 --> 00:20:54,634
You did a wonderful job.
282
00:20:54,636 --> 00:20:56,035
Who was he?
283
00:20:56,037 --> 00:20:57,971
Uh, who?
The double.
284
00:20:57,973 --> 00:21:00,440
Oh, his name
was Toby Murphy,
285
00:21:00,442 --> 00:21:02,141
a man who'll never be missed,
286
00:21:02,143 --> 00:21:07,414
an obscure kind of
a carousing Irishman. Mmm.
287
00:21:23,931 --> 00:21:26,600
That's telling 'em.
288
00:21:28,335 --> 00:21:31,004
Whoa, happy chappers.
289
00:21:31,006 --> 00:21:33,072
You think
this is the place?
290
00:21:33,074 --> 00:21:34,875
Could there be
another like it?
291
00:21:36,477 --> 00:21:38,512
Sure, now,
292
00:21:38,514 --> 00:21:41,381
two fine gentlemen
like yourselves
293
00:21:41,383 --> 00:21:44,250
will be wanting
a private booth, I'll bet?
294
00:21:44,252 --> 00:21:47,353
Oh, pick up the jackpot,
Colleen. You win.
295
00:21:47,355 --> 00:21:48,755
Take the one
over there,
296
00:21:48,757 --> 00:21:51,291
and I'll be along
in two shakes.
297
00:21:57,800 --> 00:21:59,666
Well...
298
00:21:59,668 --> 00:22:02,769
how'd you ever find a nice,
quiet little pub like this?
299
00:22:02,771 --> 00:22:04,270
Beginner's luck.
300
00:22:05,940 --> 00:22:09,709
There now. That'll keep you
from dying of thirst
301
00:22:09,711 --> 00:22:12,011
while you decide
on what you'd like to drink.
302
00:22:12,013 --> 00:22:13,313
Thank you, Rose.
303
00:22:14,749 --> 00:22:17,183
Oh, do I know you?
304
00:22:17,185 --> 00:22:20,754
I could have sworn
I never forget a face,
305
00:22:20,756 --> 00:22:23,824
especially such nice faces
306
00:22:23,826 --> 00:22:25,391
as the both of your own.
307
00:22:25,393 --> 00:22:26,993
No, we haven't met, Rose.
308
00:22:26,995 --> 00:22:28,795
We're here about
the missing persons report
309
00:22:28,797 --> 00:22:30,630
you filed on your father.
310
00:22:39,807 --> 00:22:41,942
Do you know where
himself has gone?
311
00:22:41,944 --> 00:22:44,644
No, but we'd like
to help you find him.
312
00:22:48,883 --> 00:22:52,853
Federal-
Federal government, is it?
313
00:22:52,855 --> 00:22:57,323
Oh, I had no idea me father
was that important.
314
00:22:57,325 --> 00:23:00,426
Well, it could turn out
that he is.
315
00:23:00,428 --> 00:23:01,962
How long
has he been missing?
316
00:23:01,964 --> 00:23:03,930
Four days now.
317
00:23:03,932 --> 00:23:08,201
Dropped out of sight
like a stone in a bog.
318
00:23:08,203 --> 00:23:11,404
Well, did he do that often,
just not show up?
319
00:23:11,406 --> 00:23:13,507
Never for any longer
than it took him
320
00:23:13,509 --> 00:23:15,108
to find his way home again.
321
00:23:15,110 --> 00:23:16,776
A day or so at most.
322
00:23:16,778 --> 00:23:19,145
Have you any recent pictures
of your father?
323
00:23:19,147 --> 00:23:21,347
Ha, ha! No.
324
00:23:21,349 --> 00:23:24,183
He always tells me,
"It's a waste of money
325
00:23:24,185 --> 00:23:27,220
when you've got meself
to look at all the while."
326
00:23:27,222 --> 00:23:29,422
We've got the description
you filed with the report.
327
00:23:29,424 --> 00:23:30,824
Is there anything
you'd care to add,
328
00:23:30,826 --> 00:23:33,226
anything that might help us
with the identification?
329
00:23:33,228 --> 00:23:35,395
Scars, marks?
330
00:23:35,397 --> 00:23:39,533
There was one little thing
I didn't put in the report,
331
00:23:39,535 --> 00:23:41,601
for no one
could ever notice.
332
00:23:41,603 --> 00:23:44,103
But he's missing
the little toe
333
00:23:44,105 --> 00:23:45,672
on his right foot.
334
00:23:45,674 --> 00:23:47,541
Is he, now?
335
00:23:48,475 --> 00:23:49,709
How did that happen?
336
00:23:49,711 --> 00:23:52,612
At the St. Patrick's Day
festival
337
00:23:52,614 --> 00:23:53,980
two years ago.
338
00:23:53,982 --> 00:23:57,817
A random beer keg
happened to fall on his foot.
339
00:23:57,819 --> 00:24:00,987
At the time,
he hardly noticed.
340
00:24:00,989 --> 00:24:02,889
We want Rose.
341
00:24:02,891 --> 00:24:04,724
Oh.
342
00:24:07,361 --> 00:24:10,764
Going, are you?
You should stay.
343
00:24:10,766 --> 00:24:13,266
The place livens up a little bit
later in the evening.
344
00:24:13,268 --> 00:24:15,368
It's a shame we have
to miss it, but, uh-
345
00:24:15,370 --> 00:24:18,538
We have to visit
an old friend minus one toe.
346
00:24:49,536 --> 00:24:53,006
Alas, poor Yorick!
347
00:24:54,609 --> 00:24:57,343
I knew him Horatio:
348
00:24:57,345 --> 00:24:59,646
a fellow
of infinite jest.
349
00:24:59,648 --> 00:25:00,647
Artie.
350
00:25:02,449 --> 00:25:03,316
Over here.
351
00:25:12,226 --> 00:25:15,095
All right, Jim.
Let's settle this
352
00:25:15,097 --> 00:25:19,032
Murphy-Antille body-switch
theory of yours right now.
353
00:25:19,034 --> 00:25:20,333
Artie.
354
00:25:27,008 --> 00:25:28,642
Well, that was
careless of 'em,
355
00:25:28,644 --> 00:25:31,144
leaving the door open
like that.
356
00:25:31,146 --> 00:25:32,445
Wasn't it?
357
00:26:27,534 --> 00:26:30,804
Well, four toes,
358
00:26:30,806 --> 00:26:32,772
which proves beyond
a shadow of a doubt
359
00:26:32,774 --> 00:26:33,673
that it's Toby Murphy.
360
00:26:44,051 --> 00:26:45,752
Here.
Forget the lock pick, Artie.
361
00:26:45,754 --> 00:26:46,953
It's jammed.
362
00:27:46,647 --> 00:27:51,184
I don't suppose
there's any doubt about it.
363
00:27:51,186 --> 00:27:54,087
No, Rose.
I'm sorry. None.
364
00:27:54,922 --> 00:27:56,723
Sure.
365
00:27:56,725 --> 00:27:59,860
That's just like
the old man.
366
00:27:59,862 --> 00:28:03,062
He used
to cage drinks
367
00:28:03,064 --> 00:28:06,766
by pretending to be
the Lord Mayor of Dublin.
368
00:28:08,870 --> 00:28:11,004
Now he's
impersonated himself
369
00:28:11,006 --> 00:28:12,672
into the wrong grave.
370
00:28:12,674 --> 00:28:15,108
There's more to it
than that, Rose.
371
00:28:15,110 --> 00:28:18,077
I don't know how it happened.
I promise I'm gonna find out.
372
00:28:20,447 --> 00:28:23,282
I don't suppose
there was a wake.
373
00:28:23,284 --> 00:28:24,618
No.
374
00:28:24,620 --> 00:28:26,285
Oh!
375
00:28:26,287 --> 00:28:28,388
Well, that's
a sad thought. He...
376
00:28:28,390 --> 00:28:31,157
He always wanted
a grand wake, a-
377
00:28:31,159 --> 00:28:35,261
A four-alarm riot
of a wake.
378
00:28:35,263 --> 00:28:37,463
Oh, he'll be sorry
to have missed that.
379
00:28:38,866 --> 00:28:42,035
Rose, I may need your help
in this investigation,
380
00:28:42,037 --> 00:28:43,403
and it may mean
some danger to you.
381
00:28:43,405 --> 00:28:45,972
Oh, I don't mind that.
382
00:28:48,643 --> 00:28:51,377
And what about
a headstone?
383
00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:54,814
Is the old man going
to go through eternity
384
00:28:54,816 --> 00:28:56,516
with the wrong name
over his head?
385
00:28:56,518 --> 00:28:59,085
We'll arrange for
the kind of headstone
386
00:28:59,087 --> 00:29:01,755
that he would have approved of
after the case is cleared up.
387
00:29:01,757 --> 00:29:04,257
In the meantime,
it's an absolute necessity
388
00:29:04,259 --> 00:29:06,660
that you don't
mention this to a soul.
389
00:29:06,662 --> 00:29:09,629
Fabian Lavendor, proprietor,
at your service.
390
00:29:09,631 --> 00:29:11,097
Oh...
391
00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:15,635
I would like
to arrange a funeral.
392
00:29:15,637 --> 00:29:16,803
Oh, certainly.
Certainly.
393
00:29:16,805 --> 00:29:18,538
Is the, uh, need
immediate?
394
00:29:18,540 --> 00:29:20,707
Very pressing.
395
00:29:20,709 --> 00:29:23,810
I see. I see.
A member of the family, hmm?
396
00:29:23,812 --> 00:29:28,514
Someone, eh,
very close to me.
397
00:29:28,516 --> 00:29:29,983
Oh, too bad. Too bad.
398
00:29:29,985 --> 00:29:33,386
Well, please accept
my sincere condolences.
399
00:29:33,388 --> 00:29:35,154
If you'd care
to be seated, why,
400
00:29:35,156 --> 00:29:38,291
we could discuss the various
arrangements possible.
401
00:29:38,293 --> 00:29:41,828
I would prefer to examine
your facilities as we talk,
402
00:29:41,830 --> 00:29:43,797
if you don't mind.
Oh, fine. Fine.
403
00:29:43,799 --> 00:29:46,833
Well, you're standing in
our chapel here at the moment.
404
00:29:46,835 --> 00:29:49,803
You'll notice the decor
is nondenominational. It's-
405
00:29:49,805 --> 00:29:54,007
Oh, incidentally, what, eh,
denomination is the deceased?
406
00:29:56,543 --> 00:29:59,613
He's not dead...yet.
407
00:29:59,615 --> 00:30:02,181
Oh, I-I thought you said-
408
00:30:02,183 --> 00:30:04,618
Very soon.
409
00:30:04,620 --> 00:30:07,353
Oh, very soon.
410
00:30:07,355 --> 00:30:08,822
Yeah, well,
in that case,
411
00:30:08,824 --> 00:30:11,858
the, uh, prospective client,
uh...
412
00:30:11,860 --> 00:30:13,459
Uh, is of
the masculine gender?
413
00:30:13,461 --> 00:30:17,263
Yes. Does it matter?
414
00:30:17,265 --> 00:30:19,799
Oh, no.
No, not at all.
415
00:30:19,801 --> 00:30:23,202
It's just that, uh,
members of the gentler sex,
416
00:30:23,204 --> 00:30:24,704
bless their dear
memories,
417
00:30:24,706 --> 00:30:27,641
they just require more
extensive preparation.
418
00:30:27,643 --> 00:30:29,676
Even in final repose,
you know,
419
00:30:29,678 --> 00:30:32,779
appearance is
a primary concern.
420
00:30:34,783 --> 00:30:39,085
The rest of your facilities,
if you don't mind?
421
00:30:39,087 --> 00:30:41,021
Yes, fine. Fine.
422
00:30:41,023 --> 00:30:42,355
If you just
step this way,
423
00:30:42,357 --> 00:30:45,125
why, I'll show you
to our slumber room.
424
00:30:45,127 --> 00:30:46,059
Thank you.
425
00:30:54,902 --> 00:30:59,039
Eh. Mm-hm.
Very nice little workshop.
426
00:30:59,041 --> 00:31:00,807
Well, my staff
hasn't arrived yet.
427
00:31:00,809 --> 00:31:02,042
Otherwise,
I could show you
428
00:31:02,044 --> 00:31:04,243
some of the technical
functions that we perform,
429
00:31:04,245 --> 00:31:06,846
or are you interested in
that sort of thing at all?
430
00:31:06,848 --> 00:31:10,150
Oh, profoundly.
431
00:31:10,152 --> 00:31:12,418
Oh. Well, I can assure you
432
00:31:12,420 --> 00:31:14,453
that everything will be done
that can be done
433
00:31:14,455 --> 00:31:17,557
to provide for a glorious life
in the hereafter.
434
00:31:18,993 --> 00:31:22,062
I am far more concerned
435
00:31:22,064 --> 00:31:26,666
with a glorious life
in the here and now.
436
00:31:26,668 --> 00:31:29,202
Uh, perhaps we ought to be
just a little bit
437
00:31:29,204 --> 00:31:31,370
more specific
about the client.
438
00:31:31,372 --> 00:31:32,538
I mean to say,
who is he?
439
00:31:37,679 --> 00:31:40,113
Oh, that's
an interesting face.
440
00:31:40,115 --> 00:31:42,982
Friend or relative
or, uh...?
441
00:31:42,984 --> 00:31:46,452
Take a close look at me.
442
00:31:55,796 --> 00:31:58,198
Well, lookie here.
443
00:31:59,166 --> 00:32:03,136
Very neat.
Very effective.
444
00:32:03,138 --> 00:32:05,105
Well, of course,
Mr. Link,
445
00:32:05,107 --> 00:32:07,974
I could simply
notify the police.
446
00:32:07,976 --> 00:32:12,746
Well, you could, of course,
also lose a lovely, fat fee.
447
00:32:17,451 --> 00:32:18,718
Who sent you?
448
00:32:18,720 --> 00:32:21,087
Oh, no.
449
00:32:21,089 --> 00:32:22,989
No, the contact
who recommended you
450
00:32:22,991 --> 00:32:25,191
swore me to secrecy.
451
00:32:25,193 --> 00:32:26,626
Eh, quite understandably,
452
00:32:26,628 --> 00:32:30,630
he'd prefer that his present
identity remain unknown.
453
00:32:30,632 --> 00:32:33,066
Yeah, well, I can't quite
swallow that, Mr. Link-
454
00:32:33,068 --> 00:32:34,801
I'll tell you why.
-because I keep rather-
455
00:32:34,803 --> 00:32:38,437
Rather extensive files
on all my alterations,
456
00:32:38,439 --> 00:32:40,173
so I'd have to know
who he was, wouldn't I?
457
00:32:40,175 --> 00:32:42,809
Ah.
Yeah. So, uh,
458
00:32:42,811 --> 00:32:45,578
I ask you once again,
459
00:32:45,580 --> 00:32:47,747
who sent you to me?
460
00:32:49,250 --> 00:32:52,418
Well, I'm sorry,
but, uh...
461
00:32:52,420 --> 00:32:53,586
I promised my friend
462
00:32:53,588 --> 00:32:55,688
that I wouldn't mention
his name,
463
00:32:55,690 --> 00:32:57,757
but, uh...
464
00:32:57,759 --> 00:33:01,727
I'm quite sure that, uh,
you know him by his nickname.
465
00:33:01,729 --> 00:33:04,363
I never had any client
with a nick-
466
00:33:05,699 --> 00:33:09,169
Oh, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
467
00:33:09,171 --> 00:33:12,138
You couldn't mean Jim,
could you? Jim the dodger?
468
00:33:12,140 --> 00:33:17,076
Oh, ho-ho, you're a clever man,
Mr. Lavendor.
469
00:33:17,078 --> 00:33:20,146
Jim the dodger.
470
00:33:20,148 --> 00:33:22,148
Well...
471
00:33:22,150 --> 00:33:24,951
He still running
Liverpool to suit himself?
472
00:33:25,585 --> 00:33:26,953
The best.
473
00:33:42,303 --> 00:33:44,670
Señora Pellargo.
474
00:33:44,672 --> 00:33:45,705
You're leaving?
475
00:33:47,641 --> 00:33:50,143
Is there any reason
for me to stay...
476
00:33:50,145 --> 00:33:53,412
here, of all places?
477
00:33:53,414 --> 00:33:55,982
I wish to continue
my husband's work
478
00:33:55,984 --> 00:33:57,884
and to work
for his political party
479
00:33:57,886 --> 00:34:00,320
and try to repair the damage
that has been done
480
00:34:00,322 --> 00:34:02,588
to relations between
our two countries by his death.
481
00:34:02,590 --> 00:34:05,458
Now, that's a very
courageous plan, señora,
482
00:34:05,460 --> 00:34:08,027
but have you thought about
the personal danger involved?
483
00:34:08,029 --> 00:34:10,596
Your husband's dedication
to certain objectives
484
00:34:10,598 --> 00:34:12,232
got him killed.
485
00:34:12,234 --> 00:34:15,835
Well, that was the act
of a single misguided fanatic.
486
00:34:15,837 --> 00:34:17,003
That man is dead.
487
00:34:17,005 --> 00:34:18,905
What if I were to tell you
488
00:34:18,907 --> 00:34:20,639
that Claudio Antille
is not dead?
489
00:34:22,676 --> 00:34:25,044
Oh...
Well, that's absurd.
490
00:34:25,046 --> 00:34:27,247
I saw his body
with my own eyes. So did you.
491
00:34:27,249 --> 00:34:30,049
I think we were both deceived,
señora.
492
00:34:30,051 --> 00:34:31,684
I hope to prove
in a few days
493
00:34:31,686 --> 00:34:34,153
there was a conspiracy
to fake his death.
494
00:34:34,155 --> 00:34:36,022
Till then, I'd like to provide
a guard for you
495
00:34:36,024 --> 00:34:38,258
as long as you're here.
Oh, no.
496
00:34:38,260 --> 00:34:40,826
Thank you.
He would just be in my way.
497
00:34:40,828 --> 00:34:42,061
But señora...
498
00:34:42,063 --> 00:34:45,365
I would prefer to hear no more
about it, Mr. West.
499
00:34:46,600 --> 00:34:48,101
Good day, señora.
500
00:35:00,747 --> 00:35:04,683
I have a dreadful feeling
your nosy Mr. West
501
00:35:04,685 --> 00:35:07,153
is going to force me
to kill him.
502
00:35:27,141 --> 00:35:28,674
You brought the money?
503
00:35:28,676 --> 00:35:30,876
In small bills,
as requested.
504
00:35:30,878 --> 00:35:32,078
Mm-hmm. Mmm.
505
00:35:33,647 --> 00:35:34,948
All right.
506
00:35:36,016 --> 00:35:37,083
This way.
507
00:35:42,923 --> 00:35:44,290
Now...
508
00:35:44,292 --> 00:35:45,558
Ah!
509
00:35:45,560 --> 00:35:47,760
Will you step this way,
please, Mr. Link?
510
00:35:47,762 --> 00:35:50,163
Well, thank you. You know,
I'm really quite impressed.
511
00:35:50,165 --> 00:35:52,131
It's much quicker service
than I expected.
512
00:35:52,133 --> 00:35:54,800
Ha, ha!
Well, we aim to satisfy.
513
00:35:54,802 --> 00:35:57,203
Now, would you remove
your outer garments?
514
00:35:57,205 --> 00:36:01,507
Finley, uh, help Mr. Link with
the final processing, please.
515
00:36:01,509 --> 00:36:02,375
Of course.
516
00:36:03,510 --> 00:36:04,643
Thank you.
517
00:36:06,246 --> 00:36:08,448
Ah, as regards the seating,
518
00:36:08,450 --> 00:36:10,583
should we anticipate
many mourners?
519
00:36:10,585 --> 00:36:13,286
I like to think so, yes.
520
00:36:13,288 --> 00:36:16,389
Mostly lovely young ladies,
521
00:36:16,391 --> 00:36:19,792
sobbing incontrollably.
522
00:36:19,794 --> 00:36:23,196
Ah, an epitaph.
Have you considered an epitaph?
523
00:36:23,198 --> 00:36:25,064
How about...
524
00:36:25,066 --> 00:36:27,266
"gone to a higher court"?
525
00:36:28,470 --> 00:36:30,336
Mr. Link, you're a devil.
Heh-heh-heh!
526
00:36:32,840 --> 00:36:37,377
Well, I think that, uh,
covers just about everything,
527
00:36:37,379 --> 00:36:39,512
except for the final step.
528
00:36:41,215 --> 00:36:43,416
Thank you.
529
00:36:43,418 --> 00:36:46,685
You know, I had no idea dying
could be so entertaining.
530
00:36:52,092 --> 00:36:54,360
The entertainment
is just about to begin.
531
00:36:54,362 --> 00:36:57,296
Oh, good.
Heh-heh-heh! Uh, Golo?
532
00:37:04,838 --> 00:37:08,307
Uh, anything the matter,
gentlemen?
533
00:37:08,309 --> 00:37:12,711
Uh, just that final step
I mentioned to you before.
534
00:37:12,713 --> 00:37:15,148
You see, very soon,
you're gonna put aside
535
00:37:15,150 --> 00:37:16,615
this burdensome identity.
536
00:37:16,617 --> 00:37:21,854
In short, you will
cease to be Artemus Gordon,
537
00:37:21,856 --> 00:37:25,158
secret agent for
the United States government.
538
00:37:28,629 --> 00:37:31,664
I just had one of those
nagging suspicions
539
00:37:31,666 --> 00:37:34,600
that something's gone wrong.
540
00:37:48,950 --> 00:37:51,250
Mr. Gordon in trouble?
541
00:37:51,252 --> 00:37:53,652
Poor lad.
542
00:37:53,654 --> 00:37:55,621
Which jail?
543
00:37:55,623 --> 00:37:57,957
Oh, worse than
any jail, Rose.
544
00:37:57,959 --> 00:38:01,961
Mr. Gordon is, uh,
in an undertaking establishment.
545
00:38:01,963 --> 00:38:05,231
Last night,
he didn't show up.
546
00:38:05,233 --> 00:38:07,333
Anyway, Rose,
547
00:38:07,335 --> 00:38:10,503
what I need now
is the help I asked you for.
548
00:38:10,505 --> 00:38:12,004
You're on.
549
00:38:12,006 --> 00:38:13,206
What do you want done?
550
00:38:13,208 --> 00:38:15,308
And what rascal
do you want it done to?
551
00:38:15,310 --> 00:38:18,244
Oh, no, Rose.
Nothing like that.
552
00:38:18,246 --> 00:38:19,512
Can you play
a grieving widow?
553
00:38:21,348 --> 00:38:22,982
Faith.
554
00:38:22,984 --> 00:38:24,317
Me,
555
00:38:24,319 --> 00:38:28,020
who hasn't even gotten around
to being a wife yet?
556
00:38:28,022 --> 00:38:30,456
I wanna locate
Lavendor's files,
557
00:38:30,458 --> 00:38:32,191
and Rose,
I want you to keep him
558
00:38:32,193 --> 00:38:34,960
as busy as possible
in the front office,
559
00:38:34,962 --> 00:38:37,029
while I go around
to the back and-
560
00:38:38,798 --> 00:38:41,066
And Rose?
Huh?
561
00:38:41,068 --> 00:38:43,169
I think I just
figured out the back door
562
00:38:43,171 --> 00:38:45,338
to Lavendor's
funeral emporium.
563
00:38:45,340 --> 00:38:47,373
Have you now?
564
00:38:47,375 --> 00:38:50,075
There was blood
on this poster.
565
00:38:51,345 --> 00:38:52,578
I distinctly remember
566
00:38:52,580 --> 00:38:55,515
Artemus rubbing
his fingers across it.
567
00:39:03,023 --> 00:39:05,024
Poor Patrick!
568
00:39:06,261 --> 00:39:09,195
Me own devoted husband,
569
00:39:09,197 --> 00:39:12,632
gone to his untimely reward.
Yes, well, now, dear-
570
00:39:12,634 --> 00:39:15,968
What a good and gentle lad
he was too,
571
00:39:15,970 --> 00:39:19,938
except when
he'd had a few.
572
00:39:39,359 --> 00:39:41,026
Uh, madam,
I think you should try to-
573
00:39:41,028 --> 00:39:44,230
I do believe
I'm going to faint.
574
00:39:44,232 --> 00:39:47,700
No, don't.
Everything is going dark.
575
00:39:47,702 --> 00:39:49,768
Finley! Bring some water! Ohhh.
576
00:39:49,770 --> 00:39:51,637
Come over here
to the sofa, madam, and-
577
00:39:51,639 --> 00:39:52,871
Poor...
578
00:39:52,873 --> 00:39:54,674
poor Patrick.
579
00:39:55,875 --> 00:39:57,710
He's gone.
580
00:39:58,378 --> 00:39:59,912
Ohhh!
581
00:40:19,065 --> 00:40:20,533
Throw water on her.
582
00:40:34,615 --> 00:40:35,981
Artie, you in there?
583
00:40:35,983 --> 00:40:39,485
Jim? Glad you could make it.
584
00:40:39,487 --> 00:40:42,087
Ahem. Don't worry, Artie,
I'll get you out.
585
00:40:42,089 --> 00:40:43,256
Don't wait too long.
586
00:40:43,258 --> 00:40:44,857
I'm scheduled
for an early departure.
587
00:40:44,859 --> 00:40:46,692
Gotta find those files.
Any clues?
588
00:40:46,694 --> 00:40:48,894
The chapel.
Try there.
589
00:40:48,896 --> 00:40:49,962
Right.
590
00:40:49,964 --> 00:40:52,097
Artie, don't go away.
591
00:40:54,167 --> 00:40:58,804
Oh! Poor Sean.
592
00:40:58,806 --> 00:41:00,205
He's dead.
593
00:41:01,643 --> 00:41:04,377
I thought you said
his name was Patrick.
594
00:41:04,379 --> 00:41:08,281
Oh? Oh! Oh, uh...
595
00:41:08,283 --> 00:41:11,617
Uh, well, Patrick's me husband,
and Sean's me-
596
00:41:11,619 --> 00:41:13,786
Me brother.
597
00:41:13,788 --> 00:41:17,222
They were both
in the same accident.
598
00:41:17,224 --> 00:41:18,491
Oh.
599
00:41:18,493 --> 00:41:21,761
What a terrible
double loss.
600
00:41:21,763 --> 00:41:23,296
Terrible.
601
00:41:23,298 --> 00:41:25,964
Terrible! Terrible!
602
00:41:25,966 --> 00:41:27,866
Yes, madam, you-
603
00:41:27,868 --> 00:41:29,067
Get some
smelling salts!
604
00:41:29,069 --> 00:41:31,304
Quickly. We've gotta get her
out of here.
605
00:42:02,268 --> 00:42:03,769
What?
606
00:42:03,771 --> 00:42:06,339
Well, search
the entire place. Go on!
607
00:42:27,193 --> 00:42:28,694
Enough.
608
00:42:30,731 --> 00:42:32,765
I'm- I'm all right now.
609
00:42:32,767 --> 00:42:34,433
Good.
I'm sorry, madam,
610
00:42:34,435 --> 00:42:35,835
but you'll have
to leave at once.
611
00:42:35,837 --> 00:42:39,572
Ah. But what about me-
Me dear departed ones?
612
00:42:39,574 --> 00:42:41,407
Yes, well,
try some funeral parlor
613
00:42:41,409 --> 00:42:44,009
that specializes
in hysterics.
614
00:42:44,011 --> 00:42:48,514
See if I ever bring you
any more business, you-
615
00:42:48,516 --> 00:42:51,617
You glorified taxidermist!
616
00:42:59,959 --> 00:43:01,360
What's the matter with you?
617
00:43:03,263 --> 00:43:06,732
Eh? What's the matter
with you?
618
00:43:08,334 --> 00:43:09,869
Oh...
619
00:43:11,571 --> 00:43:13,272
yeah.
620
00:43:16,209 --> 00:43:19,578
You better quit sampling
that formaldehyde.
621
00:43:19,580 --> 00:43:21,280
You hear me?
622
00:43:26,653 --> 00:43:29,021
I've changed my mind.
623
00:43:32,191 --> 00:43:34,359
I thought it all over,
624
00:43:34,361 --> 00:43:36,028
and I want my money back.
625
00:43:36,030 --> 00:43:38,664
Oh, I'm afraid that'll be
impossible, Mr. Gordon.
626
00:43:38,666 --> 00:43:40,900
You see, you're going to be
doubly useful now.
627
00:43:40,902 --> 00:43:43,201
As it happens, we have
an order for a body
628
00:43:43,203 --> 00:43:45,604
exactly your size.
Mm-hmm.
629
00:43:45,606 --> 00:43:48,541
You mean I'm subbing
for some crook at his funeral?
630
00:43:48,543 --> 00:43:50,609
Yes. Exactly.
631
00:43:50,611 --> 00:43:53,211
Your last official act
will be to provide
632
00:43:53,213 --> 00:43:55,548
a new life
for a vicious criminal.
633
00:43:55,550 --> 00:43:59,017
I hope you find that
as amusing as I do.
634
00:43:59,019 --> 00:44:01,219
Oh, yes, I can hardly
keep from laughing.
635
00:44:01,221 --> 00:44:05,357
Uh, Finley,
bring Mr. Gordon's coffin now.
636
00:44:09,729 --> 00:44:13,031
Here we are.
Mm-hm.
637
00:44:13,033 --> 00:44:15,868
And now,
Mr. Gordon...
638
00:44:16,937 --> 00:44:17,803
goodbye.
639
00:44:40,894 --> 00:44:42,094
What took you so long?
640
00:44:42,096 --> 00:44:43,629
I was kinda cozy
in there.
641
00:44:43,631 --> 00:44:45,631
Must have dozed off.
You weren't worried, were you?
642
00:44:45,633 --> 00:44:48,400
Because I was being strangled?
Of course not.
643
00:44:49,970 --> 00:44:52,270
It's going to be quiet
around here now.
644
00:44:52,272 --> 00:44:54,607
We better take a look
at Lavendor's files.
645
00:44:54,609 --> 00:44:56,509
You mean
you found them?
646
00:44:56,511 --> 00:44:59,177
Not only
did I find them,
647
00:44:59,179 --> 00:45:01,514
I did some browsing
on my own,
648
00:45:01,516 --> 00:45:02,648
and I found
that the old boy
649
00:45:02,650 --> 00:45:05,350
has been blackmailing
his customers too.
650
00:45:25,471 --> 00:45:26,471
Well...
651
00:45:27,741 --> 00:45:30,375
nice of him
to keep these up-to-date.
652
00:45:30,377 --> 00:45:33,913
Yes, very thoughtful.
About the only detail left out
653
00:45:33,915 --> 00:45:36,649
is where Antille
is headed.
654
00:45:36,651 --> 00:45:39,284
And I'll be glad
to supply that data.
655
00:45:41,354 --> 00:45:42,755
It occurred to me
that I might find
656
00:45:42,757 --> 00:45:45,925
you and your colleague here.
657
00:45:45,927 --> 00:45:48,393
That's not a very good
disguise, Antille.
658
00:45:48,395 --> 00:45:51,030
It has proved
adequate so far,
659
00:45:51,032 --> 00:45:52,397
and anyone
who might question it
660
00:45:52,399 --> 00:45:54,499
will very soon
be dead.
661
00:45:57,170 --> 00:45:58,503
Into the other room.
Quickly.
662
00:46:12,919 --> 00:46:15,854
You two did a remarkable job.
663
00:46:15,856 --> 00:46:18,757
Too bad it has to be spoiled
at the last moment.
664
00:46:18,759 --> 00:46:22,494
Now I know how you managed
to stay one jump ahead of us:
665
00:46:22,496 --> 00:46:24,697
the devoted
Señora Pellargo.
666
00:46:24,699 --> 00:46:26,832
Devoted to Mr. Antille.
667
00:46:26,834 --> 00:46:28,834
Well, you should know,
gentlemen,
668
00:46:28,836 --> 00:46:32,605
a woman never does anything
for political reasons.
669
00:46:32,607 --> 00:46:35,173
I'm delighted
to see you, Antille.
670
00:46:35,175 --> 00:46:37,175
Now I want you to shoot
these two men.
671
00:46:37,177 --> 00:46:39,478
Get rid of them now.
672
00:46:39,480 --> 00:46:40,879
Precisely why I returned.
673
00:46:40,881 --> 00:46:42,982
You see, gentlemen,
674
00:46:42,984 --> 00:46:46,085
in my job,
loose ends are not only messy,
675
00:46:46,087 --> 00:46:47,987
but also dangerous.
676
00:46:47,989 --> 00:46:50,122
How do you feel
about blackmail?
677
00:46:50,124 --> 00:46:51,890
Don't believe him,
Antille.
678
00:46:51,892 --> 00:46:54,126
What do you mean,
blackmail?
679
00:46:54,128 --> 00:46:56,695
I mean, that quaint
little operation
680
00:46:56,697 --> 00:46:59,064
that, uh, Mr. Lavendor
has been running
681
00:46:59,066 --> 00:47:01,299
at the expense
of his clients.
682
00:47:01,301 --> 00:47:04,202
He's the most imaginative liar
I've ever met in my life.
683
00:47:04,204 --> 00:47:05,604
I wouldn't-
684
00:47:05,606 --> 00:47:08,206
Antille, now, don't
believe him.
685
00:47:08,208 --> 00:47:09,975
Now- Now, wait a minute, now.
686
00:47:09,977 --> 00:47:12,477
The truth is, I may have
dabbled a little bit.
687
00:47:12,479 --> 00:47:14,880
The files, they were there.
Why not? It didn't matter.
688
00:47:14,882 --> 00:47:16,448
It was something
on the side.
689
00:47:16,450 --> 00:47:17,983
But with yours, never.
Never, Antille.
690
00:47:17,985 --> 00:47:19,985
Now, don't do it.
Don't do it.
691
00:47:27,360 --> 00:47:29,194
All right, gentlemen,
692
00:47:29,196 --> 00:47:30,929
throw the records down.
693
00:47:30,931 --> 00:47:34,800
Let's have a nice, big
blazing bonfire, shall we?
694
00:47:34,802 --> 00:47:37,335
Darling...
695
00:47:37,337 --> 00:47:38,837
strike a match.
696
00:47:38,839 --> 00:47:42,708
No, wait. Wait.
Let's make it a big blaze.
697
00:47:42,710 --> 00:47:44,743
Mr. West...
698
00:47:44,745 --> 00:47:47,312
throw alcohol
over those records.
699
00:48:02,261 --> 00:48:03,128
Oh!
700
00:48:06,700 --> 00:48:08,500
Oh.
701
00:48:08,502 --> 00:48:10,335
Just how long
did you expect me
702
00:48:10,337 --> 00:48:12,604
to wait out there
in the carriage for you?
703
00:48:12,606 --> 00:48:15,941
Rose, please.
No violence.
704
00:48:21,582 --> 00:48:23,648
Well, Rose,
thanks to you
705
00:48:23,650 --> 00:48:26,151
we'll be rounding up a lot
of infamous criminals.
706
00:48:26,153 --> 00:48:28,020
And there'll be a reward
for helping capture
707
00:48:28,022 --> 00:48:29,554
Antille
and the Lavendor gang.
708
00:48:29,556 --> 00:48:32,257
Ah, it'll be
reward enough for me
709
00:48:32,259 --> 00:48:34,860
to get the proper Christian
headstone over me father.
710
00:48:34,862 --> 00:48:37,129
I do feel like
celebrating that.
711
00:48:37,131 --> 00:48:39,098
Good. Then tonight,
when you finish work-
712
00:48:39,100 --> 00:48:41,566
Uh, he took the words out
from between my very teeth.
713
00:48:41,568 --> 00:48:45,037
You're a fine pair of lads,
714
00:48:45,039 --> 00:48:47,139
the both of you.
715
00:48:47,141 --> 00:48:49,742
But I've already got
an engagement.
716
00:48:49,744 --> 00:48:51,676
Oh, but, Rose,
consider.
717
00:48:51,678 --> 00:48:53,278
We're not mere men
718
00:48:53,280 --> 00:48:56,048
we're men of the law
and justice.
719
00:48:56,050 --> 00:48:57,750
And here comes
me boyfriend now.
720
00:49:04,524 --> 00:49:07,926
That's what
I call a lawman.
721
00:49:11,264 --> 00:49:14,566
I'll, uh- I'll drink
to that, Rose.
51300
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.