All language subtitles for Crime.Wave (1985).en

NARRATOR: The top
few guys made it.

On the East Coast,
there was Eddie

Carleton's "Tribute to Buddy."

Each sold-out performance
began with a declaration

of musical debt to the
real Buddy in heaven.

But scores of female fans,
too young to remember,

declared that Eddie
was the one and only.

The Deep South was Leonard
"Hand" Taylor's turf.

So closely did Leonard capture
his country hero's heart

and soul, he often
confided to friends,

"I can only pretend the hurting
won't claim my life too."

The West Coast was in
the grip of Patrick

Nelson, who did "Sid."

Chants of "Sid lives, Sid
lives" rose at every performance

and usually followed the star
back to his hillside retreat,

where an aid would pass on
this message from Patrick.

"Yes, Sid will never die."

Between those operators,
the big-time tribute racket

was pretty well sewed up.

New talent had it
tough breaking in.

But from the North, there was
coming a man who would one day

smash the order and
shape an all new

and all mighty tribute empire.

[explosion]

His name was Ronnie Boyles.

He had a dream!

[sparse applause]

Hey, fella, you gotta chip in
five bucks for the PA rental.

What?

You heard me, five bucks.

What if I said I was broke?

I'd say the guitar stays
behind till you get unbroke.

Now come on.

Which is it?

Hey!

Hey!

Look, I gave you
your first big--

Thanks.

And so Ronnie
Boyles took his first

fateful steps on the road to
world-wide tribute domination.

That's the beginning to
one of Steven Penny's

unfinished versions
of "Crime Wave."

He wrote it on the
back of the rent papers

my father gave him when he
moved into this apartment

over our garage.

The ending was written
on the next page.

It goes like this.

[sirens blaring]

[breaks squeal]

[crash]

Oh!

Oooh.

[sirens blare]

NARRATOR: The King is dead.

But he will not be forgotten.

The place of Ronnie
Boyles' final bow

has since become a shrine,
boasting of thousands

of visitors yearly.

Some come to wonder.

Others come to pray.

And here is a playful
young man trying

to fit his face into the great
man's farewell impression.

Ah ha ha ha ha.

Not quite, son.

But who knows?

Maybe someday he'll grow to
become the next tribute king.

After all, for Ronnie
Boyles, it started

with nothing but a dream.

Steven wrote many
other beginnings

and endings for "Crime Wave."

He once told me that beginnings
and endings are easy for him

to think of, but
that he has trouble

with this stuff in between.

Lots of that trouble
comes because Steven

wants to make "Crime
Wave" the best

color crime movie there is.

And to do that, the script
would have to be the best

color crime script there is.

This is Steven's favorite
kind of magazine.

Once when Steven thought he
couldn't write and almost died

twice, something I
found in here led

him to the middle of nowhere.

And there he got
the power to go on.

This is Steven Penny.

I remember the first day
he came here perfect.

That's when we first saw
that he's a quiet man.

[dreamy music playing]

Is he even there?

What is this, some
kind of peep show?

It's him.

It's him.

He must have
something on his mind.

You wouldn't understand.

[laughs]

Jerk.

Just kidding.

KIM (VOICEOVER): Steven
was also a happy man.

I could tell because on that
first day I heard him laughing.

[laughter]

He must have been a happy man
because most people I know

need the TV or a joke
to make them laugh.

[crickets chirping]

[streetlight hums]

[typewriter clicking]

One more thing about
Steven, he only

liked to work by street light.

[music playing]

[music playing]

Oh, no.

No, no, no, it's not at
all like that, Mr. Boyles.

It's cancer.

[crying]

[whistling]

[dramatic music]

KIM (VOICEOVER): I thought it
was neat to have a real movie

person living over our garage.

And I was determined to save
everything I could from him.

The next morning I saw that
Steven didn't mind at all.

Steven and I were
now best friends.

He showed me lots of
neat things about how

color crime movies worked.

First he colored a
body onto a note pad,

and then put a black
dot in the middle of it,

and then another black
dot on the next page,

right under the first black dot.

Now I was supposed to stare
at the first black dot for two

choruses of "When the Saints
Come Marching In," played

by Steven on his harmonica.

Then Steven would
flip the page, and I

was supposed to stare
at the second black dot

until I saw the body.

For the thing to work, it was
very, very important to keep

my eyes only on the black dots.

[HARMONICA MUSIC PLAYING - "WHEN
THE SAINTS GO MARCHING IN"]

Come on.
You try it too.

Remember, keep your eyes
only on the black dots.

[HARMONIC MUSIC PLAYING - "WHEN
THE SAINTS GO MARCHING IN"]

Keep staring.

[HARMONIC MUSIC PLAYING - "WHEN
THE SAINTS GO MARCHING IN]

Now keep staring.

See the body?

Steven called that
persistence of vision.

Because the eye can see a
picture for a short time

after it's gone, on a
color crime movie strip,

you don't see the blank
parts between when

one picture is projected to when
the next picture is projected.

Everything is blended together
into one moving picture.

Do you see how that works?

Yeah, that's very interesting.

And did you know that since
it takes a projector more time

to move between frames
than to project them,

we're actually looking
at a blank screen

for longer than anything.

Well, the next time
we go to a movie,

I'll have to demand a cut rate.

[laughs]

Hope you have room in
there for your homework.

Yeah.

[clock ticking]

[crickets chirping]

[streetlight hums]

[typewriter clicking]

KIM (VOICEOVER): It
was on the third night

that Steven wrote
an all new beginning

and ending for "Crime Wave."

The beginning went like this.

NARRATOR: The top
few couples made it.

On the East Coast, there
was Max and Veronica

Loewen, triple diamond winners.

After 20 plus record-breaking
years with Allway,

they were still going strong.

"We're crazy about all the
products ourselves," said Max.

"So merchandising has
always been easy."

The Deep South was Bob
and Didi Brandt's turf,

double diamond do-ers.

Did success go to their heads?

"Of course, the income potential
is exciting," said the Brandts.

"But the opportunity to
develop lifelong camaraderie

surpasses any material gain."

The West Coast was in the
grip of Paul and Birdie Yeoman

new diamond up and comers.

With soaring
interest rates, they

decided to get the heck out of
real estate and into Allway.

And were they glad they did?

The new diamond
lifestyle is everything

they dreamed of and more.

Between those operators, the
big-time direct distributors

racket was pretty well sewed up.

New talent had it
tough breaking in.

But from the North,
there was coming a couple

who would one day
smash the order

and shape an all new
and all mighty direct

distributor's empire.

They're names were
Skip and Dawn Holliday.

They had a dream.

Nice, huh?

It's just like living beside
a strawberry plantation.

Dawn insists on it at our place.

And it's safe up to 39 Celsius.

My stars!

But what do you have in
the way of moisturizers?

Dawn will be right back
from the little girl's room.

And she'll be more than happy to
demonstrate our fine selection.

What are you doing?

Who are you?

Skip!

Huh?

Leonard!

[screams] Oh, my god!

Oh, my god!

[music playing]

All right, that's enough.

[screams]

All right, it's
going to be OK.

No!

Please, no!

Please, no!

Oh, no.

[screams] No!

Ma'am, when was the last
time you had these things--

Ugh.

Use some of that soap
with the moisturizer in it.

You know the stuff.

NARRATOR: And so Skip
and Dawn Holliday

take their first fateful
steps on the road

to worldwide direct
distributor's domination.

KIM (VOICEOVER): The
ending went like this.

[music playing]

Let's have a
warm hand for Skip

and Dawn Holliday, triple
diamond record breakers.

[fanfare playing]

[applause]

[music playing]

Wouldn't I like
to be on holiday?

[laughter]

Congratulations, Skip.

[applause]

Allway!

You know, I just got to say--

we just got to say, it's only
in a great country like this

that all that's happened to us
happened to a couple like us.

Any place else we
might have ended up

herding sheep, or digging coal,
or stuffing fortune cookies--

respectable enough
jobs, but I imagine

for us a bit frustrating.

Of course, we've had
our ups and downs.

But who hasn't?

But our low-down
downdest was certainly

better than digging post
holes for the bamboo

or iron curtain--

That's them.

OK, everybody, hit the deck.

It's the Holliday's we want.

[gunshot]

[shrieks]

Oh, god, [inaudible].

Halt.

DAWN: Aaa!

Aa, aa!

[dramatic music playing]

NARRATOR: The
Hollidays are dead.

But the mark of
their achievement

would live on, a shining
beacon beckoning those couples,

who, like Skip and
Dawn, had a dream.

[dramatic music playing]

[happy music playing]

[sad music playing]

Now, class, class,
you should have

just enough time to
complete problems

four and five in you notebooks.

I don't want to
hear any talking.

[whistling] Oh,
yeah, yeah, I can see

where are the
extension cords have

been biting into your ankles.

WOMAN: Mm hm.

Come on.

Move it.

[horns honking]

Finished already, Kim?

No, ma'am.

Come on, Kim.

Get to work.

KIM (VOICEOVER): After
school, Steven showed

me some more of his neat stuff.

Hi, Steven.

He showed me his camera
that was made in Switzerland

and wound up like an
old kind of watch.

It was called a Bolex.

[happy music playing]

Lots of beginner
people use them.

And also Chekov from "Star
Trek" and Yoko Ono too.

Steven said it was
a very good camera.

Steven also showed
me the film he used.

It was called 7291.

And it was made by Kodak.

Steven liked to watch
the tape sparkle

blue when it came off the can.

You had to be in
the dark to see it.

[happy music playing]

Steven said it was
a very good film.

That was one of Steven's
attacks of self-doubt.

Later his self-doubt
would make him want

to quit writing "Crime Wave."

Last, Steven showed me a
recording of a speeding car

that lost control
and smashed a camera

that he borrowed from the
National Film Board of Canada.

[engine revving]

[brakes squealing]

[crash]

Steven lost $2,000.

And later, when his
movie was finished,

almost nobody liked it.

Oh my.

[clicks tongue]

Well, it can be
a risky business.

You've got to be careful.

Steven should have maybe
had some professional help.

Spend a small
fortune and you're

going to lose your shirt.

And what's to keep him
from making another dud?

All that happened before
Steven got interested in making

color crime movies.

Well, only time will tell.

KIM (VOICEOVER):
As the days passed,

my carpet got lumpier and
lumpier from Steven's story.

At night, when the
street light came on,

I heard less and less
typing, until one

night when I heard almost none.

The next day I said, let's
go for a walk, Steven.

You've been working too hard.

We went all over.

It was fun.

I even got to tell mean old Jane
McCloster how stupid she was.

Jane, Jane, big fat pain.

Brave girl, let's just see
how brave you really are once I

get you alone, you little shit.

I know you are, but what am I?

KIM (VOICEOVER): Steven
seemed to be enjoying himself.

But every streetlight reminded
him of the coming night,

and he didn't enjoy that.

Maybe there would be
no typing that night.

When we got back, I
could tell that Steven

didn't want to go up.

Hey, I have an idea.

I could sneak you in later.

And when my dad gets
back from the club,

we can listen to my
mom and dad do it.

They always do it after that.

KIM (VOICEOVER):
Steven thanked me.

But no, he had to
give it one more try.

That night it would be
all or nothing at all.

[crickets chirping]

[streetlight hums]

[crickets chirping]

[typewriter clicking]

Steven wrote the third beginning
and ending for "Crime Wave"

that night.

The beginning went like this.

NARRATOR: The top
few people made it.

On the East Coast,
there was Dr. Jane

Dover, self-help's happy giant.

There was a time when
the good doctor feared

she'd never become the
kind of no-limit person

she craved to be.

Then she got on her
own side and ka-pow!

The Deep South was Samuel J.
Feltz's turf, the Method Man.

When Mr. J needed a sure-fire
no-nonsense blueprint

for success, it was
observation and experimentation

used by leading
scientists that launched

him into the maxi-sphere.

The West Coast was
in the grip of Manny

Brand and Gayleen Dazzio.

Squandered potential
for creative living

once tormented this now duo.

But that was before the chance
collision of psycho-cybernetics

and total zone contact brought
out the "they" in them.

Between those operators, the
big-time self-help racket

was pretty well sewed up.

New talent had it
tough breaking in.

But from the North, there was
coming a man who would one day

smash the order and
shape an all new

and all mighty self-help empire.

[explosion]

[dramatic music playing]

His name was Stanley Falco.

He had a dream!

[moan]

[discordant music playing]

And so, Stanley Falco took his
first fateful steps on the road

to world-wide
self-help domination.

KIM (VOICEOVER): The
ending like this.

[discordant music playing]

[happy music playing]

At first I thought
Steven had done it.

After all his
beginnings and endings,

he would finally go all the way.

He would become a successful
color crime movie maker.

And I would bring
him to class and we

would explain how it was done.

First thing in making
a color crime movie,

you need a color
crime movie maker.

This person here is a
color crime movie maker.

His name is Steven.

He lives in our garage.

When you make a movie,
you have to learn

how to type the script out.

You can sometimes type during
the night or during the day.

The best thing is typing during
the night by the street light.

KIM (VOICEOVER): I called Steven
at lunch to congratulate him.

But there was no answer.

I called again at break.

But again, there is no answer.

Steven-- Steven--

It wasn't until I
peeked in the window

that I learned the awful truth.

Steven had failed and went
straight from his typewriter

to his bed and didn't leave it.

His plan was to not
eat or drink and let

his beard, and
fingernails, and toenails

grow and stare at the
ceiling until he starved.

Well, that's his privilege.

And I suggest you don't
bother him so much.

Hold still.

Well hurry up.

[laughter]

KIM (VOICEOVER): I could
see if anyone was going

to save Steven, it was me.

Steven, I have some
good food for you.

Steven?

[beep]

[engine revs]

[brakes squeal]

[muffled crash]

I left supper by the door.

And the next day I left
breakfast and lunch too.

But he didn't touch them.

So I took a spare key
and slid a fresh dinner

right inside, hoping the good
smell would make him hungry.

[brakes squeal]

[muffled crash]

An hour later I saw that more
than half of it was eaten.

And I was happy until I saw
that Steven's suite had rats!

[scream]

[dramatic music playing]

FATHER: Oh, my god.

[dramatic music playing]

Ouch.

Other cheek.

Here, I hope this
agrees with you Steven.

I should have had the
pros in in the first place.

But no, I had to
let Charlie Harris

next door talk me into
using his two-stepping,

drop-dead meatballs.

I told him that rats
aren't like cats or dogs.

Here.

Kim, when Steven's
finished, would you

bring him up to the guest room?

I'm going to get it ready now.

Yes, Mom.

It shouldn't be more
than tonight, Steven.

Cheers.

Say, I know how I can
make it up to you,

a party, a costume party.

We're going to one at our
friend's tomorrow night.

You could be our guest.

Can I come too?

I don't see why not.

I'm sure you can put
something together.

Think about it.

You'll enjoy yourself.

Yeah!

[chuckles]

WOMAN (ON TELEVISION):
Are you a rock group?

MAN (ON TELEVISION): No, we're
a neighborhood watch group.

WOMAN (ON TELEVISION):
Monty, I've heard of him.

Isn't he running for something?

KIM (VOICEOVER): From the
outside, Steven seemed better.

But inside he was fighting the
biggest battle of his life.

It was then that
Steven decided to give

up on color crime movies and
consider getting a real job.

KIM: Psst.

Psst.

Psst.

Good night, Steven.

And remember,
tomorrow's another day.

FATHER AND MOTHER: [laughs] Shh.

KIM (VOICEOVER):
The next day Steven

felt much better because
he decided to come

to the costume party with us.

I came as a fairy
from the Nutcracker.

Mom and Dad came as
two Native Indians.

And Steven came as Nelson
Menges, who last year tried

to rob the West Del Royal Bank.

All those young people
that we invite to our house--

sure you do.

[music playing]

What are you waiting for?

What are you waiting for?

Steven.

Steven.

Steven.

Steven.

Steven.

Steven.

There you are.

I found someone who
would like to meet you.

It's their son.

He's also a quiet man.

He's upstairs.

Come on.

[toilet flushes]

He's this way.

[music playing]

Come on.

Come on.

[MUSIC PLAYING - "THE CHICKEN
DANCE SONG"]

Steven, Lyle-- Lyle, Steven.

KIM (VOICEOVER): Lyle showed
Steven and me his stuff.

Lyle's favorite things
are planets and dinosaurs.

Lyle said that the average
size of a dinosaur's brain

was no bigger than a walnut.

But at least they
used most of it.

Through his telescope
we could see

the moon and other neat things.

Lyle said that by
studying the stars,

you could show how
Jesus was probably

born years before
most people say

and not on Christmas at all.

Lyle.

Lyle.

Lyle, dear, I want
you do me a favor.

Run down to Mac's and
pick me up some mix.

You can take your dad's car, and
your friends can go with you.

[crickets chirping]

KIM (VOICEOVER): On
the way to Mac's, Lyle

showed us one of the
trailers he worked out of.

Lyle worked for the
city of Winnipeg

in the traffic department.

He was a car counter.

He showed us how it was done.

Cars were counted so
people at city hall

could know if traffic lights
were on long enough and stuff.

Sometimes people
were late for work

or even died because
lights weren't set right.

Lyle said the best part of
the job was the other guys.

They were all good people,
and some of them were funny.

One or two are crazy.

They all made over $12
an hour, including Lyle.

Stuck to the wall there was
bananas stickers from all

over the world, a
picture of the mayor,

and a postcard from an ex-car
counter who won the lottery

and moved to Florida.

At Mac's Lyle bought the mix, a
package of cigarettes, some gum

for me, and a lottery ticket.

[music playing]

Over the next few weeks
Steven mainly rode his bike

around and looked at things.

He saw a place where the
street cars used to go,

two puddles that never seem
to dry, and one morning Steven

saw a really bad car
accident, where the rescue men

had to use the Jaws of Life.

He's bringing a blanket in.

We're going to be taking
those in just a minute.

It won't long.

We're just going
to be covering you.

Just hold on.

[moaning]

Get it right in.

Cover him right up.

OK.

OK, it's clear.

KIM (VOICEOVER): Steven thought
the jaws were really good.

But he was afraid that one
day, if someone wasn't careful,

they might fall into
the wrong hands.

In the afternoons, Steven
mainly rested downtown.

There he saw lots of
the same guys every day.

They all seemed to
know each other,

and they were getting
to know Steven.

It was a good life.

But sometimes guys in a half-ton
trucks wanted to talk to them.

- Why?
- Never mind why.

Come here.
Come on.

Come here.

Want you now.

Come on.
Get him.

[whooping]

[dramatic music playing]

Get a job, you homo!

[moaning]

KIM (VOICEOVER): Steven was
still new and in little danger.

[moaning]

At nights Steven was part of
a club, well kind of a club.

Steven was the only
real person in it.

The rest were characters from
the different "Crime Waves."

They all mainly sat
around and thought

of what might have been.

REPORTER (ON TELEVISION):
And all campsites

and potential
campgrounds are full,

except for Wakefield Park, where
numerous forest fires are--

Can't you see
what I'm doing here?

Pour me a drink.

REPORTER (ON
TELEVISION): Cottage

owners have been evacuated--
- Pour it yourself.

REPORTER (ON TELEVISION):
--and are forced

to watch from a distance, as the
summer homes, one-by-one, flare

up like so many struck matches.

Meanwhile, farmers are
plowing their crops under

and are calling this--

Are you going to play?

Yeah, yeah.

MAN (ON TELEVISION): --lies
within the ranks of artists.

[music playing]

DAWN: Ronnie.

Hey, what the hell?

Hey.

Oh, for Christ's sake.

[music playing]

I'm losing my mind, Dawn.

I'm losing my mind.

Mm, now, Ronnie,
don't you start

curling your lip up like that.

You hear?

I got the call
of the wild, Dawn.

Hey now, you're
messing me up, Ronnie.

Back off.

Back off!

[laughter]

Hey, come on, Dawn.

It was just getting good.
Let's go.

Let's go.
- Bastard.

Hey, you wanted
to put on a show.

I got the best
seat in the house.

[laughs] Hey, what
are you, chicken?

[clucking like a chicken]
- All right.

All right.

Come on, King.

DOOR KNOB: Come on.
Hurry.

Come on.
Hurry.

Let's go.

Give it to her.

Hey, Ronnie, don't be cruel.

DAWN: Hey, Ronnie, no.

SKIP: What's going on?

DAWN: Please,
Ronnie, no fighting.

[screaming]

DAWN: Don't do that.

Come on.
Stop it.

Come on.
Stop.

Oh, come on.

Let go.

Here, watch out.

He's got karate.

Oh!

Back off.

Now stop.

Oh!

Skip, get up.

Skip, get up.

Pull his hair out.

Hurt him where it counts, Skip.

Hurt him where it counts.

Yay!
Yay!

Yay!

Yay!

KIM (VOICEOVER):
This story could

have ended that next morning.

"Crime Wave" was
going no farther.

And Steven was in
early retirement.

It was then that I
spotted what would turn

out to be new hope for Steven.

Hey, stop.

Stop.

[music playing]

[happy music playing]

KIM (VOICEOVER): Dear Doctor,
my name is Steven Penny.

From then on it would
be a waiting game.

I just hoped that
it wouldn't be too

long, because there
were dangerous signs

on our street for Steven.

[dramatic music playing]

The answer couldn't have
come on a better day

because it was
Steven's birthday.

Steven.

Steven.

Steven, read this.

Don't ask why.

Don't ask how.

Just read this.

He thinks he can help you.

And he's a doctor.

Look at this.

All the middles need are twists.

That's all, twists.

And look at these.

A but ticket to Sales, Kansas.

That's halfway
between us and him.

And here's a reservation
a the Sales Motor Cove--

satellite color TV and even
a pool-- and expense money.

He's rich, Steven.

And he wants to help you.

[music playing]

[crickets chirping]

[music playing]

Hey, stop.

Stop.

This is so you don't forget to
send postcards from everywhere.

KIM (VOICEOVER): Little did I
know that morning that Dr. C.

Jolly, some time after
he placed the ad,

would go crazy for no
reason that anyone knew of.

He did lots of terrible
things to innocent people

and later told
everything to the police.

Yes, dear, yes.

I should wrap and see you
sometime after lunch tomorrow.

Uh huh.

OK, put him on.

Hello, Sport.

What's that?

Not sweet enough?

Well, that's why they
call it unsweetened.

You like oranges, don't you?

Well it's the same thing.

Yes.

All right.

Be good.

Bye bye.

[hums]

(SINGING) I'm back
in the saddle again.

Back in the saddle again,
where the longhorn cattle

feed on the lonely gypsum weed.

I'm back in the saddle again.

Ah ha!

[MUSIC - "BACK IN THE SADDLE
AGAIN"]

KIM (VOICEOVER): Steven
got as close as 10 miles

to Sales, when things
took an unexpected turn.

Trouble officer?

No traffic through Sales.

But I have a fare
getting off there.

Sorry, Sales is off limits.

Problems?

Can't say.

[gunshots]

We're working on it.

What about my fare?

Sorry, can't help you.

KIM (VOICEOVER): What was
happening in Sales was

that something
escaped into the air

from a close-by secret place.

And everyone had to
leave their homes fast.

Secret stuff fell
all over everything.

And if someone's dog
or cat was left behind,

it was too bad for
their dog or cat.

[dog barks]

[dog yelps]

[music playing on radio]

ANNOUNCER (ON RADIO): Relay.

Relay.

And here's a relay message from
the Tailsons to their son Todd.

"We understand, and
all is forgiven.

Please come home or call.

We love you, Mom and Dad."

[horn honks]

[crickets chirping]

- Hello.
- Hi there, Doc.

MD plates.

Oh, yes, of course.

What seems to be the trouble?

I'm afraid I
can't let you pass.

Sales is temporarily off limits.

I'm not authorized to
say why at this time.

Do you have business in Sales?

I got business in Sales.

I come 100 miles to
breed this here bitch.

And I want to know
what's going on.

Now hold on a second.

That ain't no way
to talk now, is it?

What is it, town
on fire or what?

Look, I don't have
to tell you nothing.

Now if you know
what's good for you,

you'll get back in your
truck and keep moving.

Uh, I'll be turning
back now, Officer.

OK, Doc.

Sorry for the inconvenience.

Not at all.

Happy to cooperate.

For Christ's sake,
will you listen to that?

It's prime time.

Jeepers, mister, you got
some kind of a dog back here

or something?

What is it, Polo?

Polo, what is it?

What's the matter, puppy?

MAN WITH DOG: Come on, Polo.
Polo.

WOMAN WITH DOG: Aw, baby,
what's the matter, Polo.

[gasp] Oh!

What?

What?

What the hell?

I'll get you, you
son of a bitch.

I'll get your ass.

[siren blares]

MAN WITH DOG: [laughs]
Come on, Polo.

WOMAN WITH DOG: Come on, baby.

Come to Mommy.

MAN WITH DOG: Come on, Polo.

WOMAN WITH DOG:
That's a good girl.

Come on.
Come on.

That's my baby.

Come on, Polo.

Up you go.

Come on, baby.

Come on.

[siren blares]

Adios, Amigo.

[chuckles]

NARRATOR: Go on, kid.

I didn't bring you this
far to see you stop now.

Just don't step over the wire.

For God's sakes, it's
only a little detour.

Come on.
Let's go.

Don't let me down.

Show some spirit.

[applause and cheering]

WOMAN WITH DOG: Come on.
Come on.

That's it.

[MUSIC PLAYING - "FOR HE'S A
JOLLY GOOD FELLOW"]

[breathing heavily]

[streetlight hums]

[wind rushes]

So you're Steven Penny.

I thought you'd be
bigger, broader shoulders.

Hard to tell from a photograph.

Am I what you thought?

Hey?

Hey?

[insane laugh]

Steven, I want you
to know something.

I want you to know
that I've never

wanted anything so badly as to
show you what I mean by twists.

Let me show you.

Steven!

KIM (VOICEOVER): That
night I knew that Steven

was in very great danger.

What I didn't know was
that thanks to a series

of strange and
fantastic happenings,

the darkness would
turn to light,

and Steven would
become transformed.

This is what happened.

WOMAN WITH DOG:
Oh, come on, Polo.

Polo, come on back, Polo.

Aw, honey.

Polo!

Polo!

Polo.

KIM (VOICEOVER): Soon
the police would be

taking Dr. Jolly's confession.

And they'd find his car, and the
body in the trunk of his car,

and everything else he
described, except for Steven.

They wouldn't find him because
there was no more Steven,

at least not the
Steve we last knew,

my friend who
couldn't write middles

and who saw his every
last hope go bad.

No, they wouldn't
find that Steven

because thanks to the power
of a Kansas streetlight,

he was given the
strength of the world

and a wonderful new beginning.

[music playing]

Steven.

[music playing]

KIM (VOICEOVER): Steven
wrote the final beginning

and ending for "Crime
Wave" that night.

The beginning went like this.

KIM (VOICEOVER): The top,
only one guy truly made it.

Steven Penny's genius
first presented itself

during an all color
crime movie bill

when Steven was
still with mother.

BABY: I can do better.

NARRATOR: The time
for talk had passed.

Now it was time for action.

Once on the outside, little
Steven's zest for life

could hardly be contained.

As Steven grew, so
did his imagination.

[ghostly sounds]

[music playing]

[ghostly sounds]

Soon enough Steven was ready
for his first movie camera.

Before long, it was showtime.

[music playing]

And so Steven Penny took his
first fateful steps on the road

to worldwide color
crime movie domination.

KIM (VOICEOVER): The
ending went like this.

[music playing]

NARRATOR: "I really
did mean to be good."

With those words, Steven
Penny took his last breath

and closed his
eyes to the world.

"I really did mean to be good,"
a strange epitaph, considering

that Steven Penny, since
rocketing onto the scene

some dozen years ago, has
had nothing but success.

Sounds First came the trio
of blockbuster features.

Cut him loose.
Cut him loose.

I want that son
of a bitch loose.

Cut him loose.

Cut him loose!

I've got to stop this.

No.

Let him go.

Oh.

Oh.
[laughter]

Oh, that's great.

Ah, you guys are terrible.

Hey, don't blame me.

John wouldn't let me keep it.

Best for last, Dawn

What is it, you rat?

Oh, open it up and see.

I made it just for you.

I hope you like it.
(LAUGHING) Oh, room service.

Oops, tight squeeze, eh, Dawn?

Oh, quiet, please, quiet.

Best for last, Dawn.

Muffin.

Fuck you, Holliday.

Fuck you, Becker.

[music playing]

Come on, you bastards.

I'm ready for you.

NARRATOR: If there was one thing
on which those first audiences

agreed, Steven Penny
delivered and kept

on delivering with brand new
titles, sequels, remakes,

and special editions, All
playing to jam-packed houses

across the world, translated
into over two dozen languages.

[non-english speech]

NARRATOR: Whatever one uses to
measure success, the dollar,

pound, peso, Deutsch
mark, or yen,

the sum total of Steven
Penny's career to that point

came to one thing.

He did good.

But what about the man?

Get instant fame and
fortune change him?

To ask that is to not
know Steven Penny.

Like before, he was always ready
with a helping hand on the set,

always open to story suggestions
from members of the crew,

no matter what their station.

Forever willing to
try something new,

Steven Penny looked
to merchandising

his popular creations.

Soon books, comic books,
records, t-shirts,

trading cards, and
toys appeared bearing

the familiar Penny trademark.

Before long, Santa became
only one of three big names

to kids at Christmas.

Meanwhile, Steven Penny's peers,
the critical establishment,

various institutes of higher
learning, and of course,

the public, joined
to make him the most

highly honored individual in
color crime movie history.

He possessed nine
Suspects alone.

Loan Inevitably, awards came to
mean less and less to Steven.

Often while star-studded
tributes raged elsewhere,

Steven Penny sought diversion
at a favorite local nightspot,

making small talk with the
regulars or blowing his harp.

As those close to Stephen could
see, he was getting bored.

What he needed was
a new challenge.

How about a lovely young
wife, a beautiful old home,

and two little angels on Earth?

Fine for a while, but
how about a theme park?

All aboard.

NARRATOR: And so, the first
host of happy holidayers

heeded the brakeman's call.

En route, magic
touched everyone.

[music playing]

Such was the attraction
of Steven Penny's

most enchanting creation.

Of that, only the man
himself was missed.

Did the bitch-goddess
Success claim another victim?

From the time of the
completion of the park to just

before his early
death, Steven Penny

lived in a state of limbo--

aimless, tired, napping
often, the old spark gone.

Looking through his wardrobe,
he saw his life pass before him

like a parade, and at
the end, coming closer,

within sight now, death.

Nights were spent
awaiting the inevitable.

But fearing the
inevitable, life was empty.

Would death bring change?

STEVEN (VOICEOVER): Amazing
grace, how sweet the sound

that saved a wretch like me.

I once was lost,
but now I'm found,

was blind, but now I see.

NARRATOR: With
joy, joy, joy, joy,

joy in his heart,
Steven Penny's last act

was to visit the man
who wronged him most

and forgive him everything.

That was one twist the
doctor never anticipated.

[music playing]

Now, frozen for the
ages, Steven Penny

rests peacefully while old
friends gather to say goodbye.

But to an entire
generation of new friends,

the word is "hello."

I really did mean to be good.

Well, Steven, if you
were alive today,

I wonder what you'd
say to these kids,

the hope of the
future, who really

do mean to be just like you.

[happy music playing]

Well, I guess you're wondering
what about the middles?

It's like this.

Steven never really could work
those out and still can't.

But that's OK because I can.

I've got one right
here, and it's

all about Steven's struggle.

And you just saw most of it.

Steven and I are going to become
partners, make it to the top,

and cut everything
right down the middle.

Aren't we, Steven?

Steven.

Steven.

All right, what is it, Steven?

Steven, come on.

What is it?

[screams] Funny.

[theme music playing]

THEME SONG: Steven and Kim are
buddies, also partners in life.

Maybe when Kim has
grown up They'll

even be husband and wife.

When streetlights
shine in the evening

and lawmen do as they should,
Steven and Kim are typing

stories to make us feel good.

Middles are hard to think of,
as every scriptwriter knows.

Steven would often panic,
go rigid down to his toes.

Now he has Kim to help him.

There's barely a
cloud in the sky.

Steven Is almost happy,
as sane as you or I.

[whistling]

Middles are hard to think of,
as every scriptwriter knows.

Steven would often panic,
go rigid down to his toes.

Now he has Kim to help him.

There's barely a
cloud in the sky.

Steven is almost happy,
as sane as you or I.

[MUSIC - "FOR HE'S A JOLLY GOOD
FELLOW"]