All language subtitles for Ashley.Jones.Is.Perfectly.Normal.2021.WEBRip.x264-ION10

Ashley Jones awoke one morning

from pleasant dreams
and found herself transformed

into something
perfectly different.

[Larry] Wait, what?
What did you say?

[chuckles]

Retracing her steps,

Ashley Jones
never saw it coming.

[crunching]

[man] What now?

You better let me see
someidentification.

[man] Sure, sure, pretty boy.
I got it right here.

[gunshots]

THEIR FAVORITE RESTAURANT
...THE NIGHT BEFORE

Thinking back, everything
seemed perfectly normal.

Everything is perfectly normal.

Thanks.

As usual, Larry ordered
a tenderloin steak, medium,

with three russet potatoes.

And for Ashley,
a plate of spaghetti

with marinara sauce
without meatballs.

Mm, this steak is delicious.

I'm so glad you like it.

As always,
everybody enjoyed the party.

Ashley, not least of all.

TWO DAYS EARLIER

[Ashley chuckling] Orange who?

Aren't you glad
I didn't say banana?

[chuckling]

[woman] How about
that weather, huh?

I put in a reservation
for tomorrow night.

-Our usual table?
-Of course.

[both chuckle]

You too are so cute together.

-Tiffany, how's it going?
-Good.

I've got about five numbers
so far.

So pretty average.

-Good for you.
-Is that Dwayne?

Who's Dwayne?

THREE DAYS EARLIER

We're going live
in five, four, three, two...

ACTION NEWS LIVE

[theme music playing]

The town is divided
over this controversy.

The center of the debate...
this tree.

You suck.

What do you think of the tree?

RANDY DITHERS
TREE ENTHUSIAST

I don't know.
What do you think?

Trees? Yeah.

JOHNNY COLUMBUS
TREE ENTHUSIAST

Uh, okay.

What do you think...

There was nothing strange
about her work either.

ASHTON BATAKO
TREE UNENTHUSIAST

Well, I'm not anti-tree.
But I'm not pro tree either.

Well, maybe a little strange.

-And what do you think?
-What?

I just want to know
what you think.

-No, you don't?
-Yes, I do.

What do you think
about the tree?

EVIE
COLLECTS ROCKS

Well, I think
in the grand scheme of things,

it doesn't really matter.

[Jim] Ask her to elaborate.

Can you elaborate?

What's one tree in the span
of our planet's history?

Right? Entire species of trees
have gone extinct.

Do you miss the Lepidodendron?

[scoffs] Yeah, me neither.

How does she know so much
about trees?

[Ashley] How do you know so much
about trees?

You wouldn't believe me.

[Bruce] Tell her you would.

Yes, I would. Try me.

BREAKING NEWS
LEPIDODENDRON EXTINCT

TREE DISCUSSION
REACHES TURNING POINT

I've been around the block.

You must've seen
a lot of interesting things.

Yeah.

What's the most interesting
thing she's ever seen?

Wow. I never really...

That's a great question.

I mean, after living
for 500,000 years

you've seen through
so many technological...

What? What did she just say?

-What did you say?
-About the extinct tree?

-Did she just say
she's five hundred--

-thousand years old?

"TIME FLIES"
LOCAL WOMAN TURNS

Oh, well, I will be 500,000...
in two weeks.

Ask her who built
the pyramids?

Oh, gosh. What was his name?

This bald guy.
He was a complete jerk.

Wow. Is this woman
out of her mind?

...supposed to be
about the tree?

ARTIST OR EGOMANIAC? EYE WITNESS
CALLS PYRAMID BUILDER "A JERK"

Oh, I thought
we moved past that.

-But we can keep talking--
-Okay, Ashley.

-Repeat after me.
-I don't think I should.

Oh, yeah.

SHOCKING REVELATIONS:

TREE EXTINCT/
PYRAMID BUILDER "A JERK"

Me neither.

I gotta go.

Okay.

This is Action News Live
from Santa Norma, California.

My name is Ashley Jones.
Back to you, Jim.

TWO WEEKS EARLIER

[birds chirping]

[footsteps approaching]

I love coming here.

I know.

Their yearly vacation

had also been the same
as ever.

I put a reservation in
for tonight.

-On normal tip?
-Of course.

THEIR VACATION RESTAURANT

Howdy and a good evening.
Are you ready to order?

Yes.

As usual, Larry ordered
a tenderloin steak, medium,

with three russet potatoes

and a plate of spaghetti

with marinara sauce
for Ashley.

And meatballs?

[scoffs] No.

This guy.

[chuckles] Funny.

THEIR FAVORITE RESTAURANT
...MUCH, MUCH EARLIER

It's so nice
to finally meet you, Larry.

-I'm Ashley.
-Ashley.

That's
a perfectly normal name.

Do you like
when things are normal?

I do.

I think the best thing
in the world is normalcy.

Normalcy?
Isn't the word "normality"?

But everybody says "normalcy",

so saying "normality"
would be an "abnormalcy."

But isn't the rule

that only words that end
in the letter "T "

-get a suffix that--
-No.

It's "normalcy",
because saying it is normal.

And normal is right. Right?

Ashley was shocked to realize

that she knew
"normalcy" was wrong.

And yet something about it
seemed so right.

Normal.
Yeah, that sounds right.

-To normalcy.
-To normalcy.

To normalcy.
[chuckles]

Uh, good evening,
today, the chef specials

are a tenderloin potatoes
and a spaghetti marinara.

That sounds great.

-Excellent choice.
-Thank you.

You know, I could see myself
coming back to this place.

Me too.

Yeah.

Me too.

Yes, the perfectly normal life
was sweet for Ashley.

And you may well ask,
would everything be okay?

-Is everything still okay?
-Yeah.

It's great.

It wasn't.

Something was going to happen.

Something terrible.

TERRIBLE FUTURE NO. 1

[sighs]

I was really rooting for you.

But... we have to think
about the ratings.

But it wasn't that.

TERRIBLE FUTURE NO. 2

Or that.

TERRIBLE FUTURE NO. 3

[sighs]

You only have
ten minutes to live?

[dramatic music playing]

No, the reality
was much more grim.

Like I said, Ashley Jones,
awoke one morning

from pleasant dreams
to find herself transformed

into something
perfectly different.

Are you still in bed?

No.

[Japanese accent]
I have multiple things to do.

Multiple things?

The reason that Ashley woke up

with a Japanese accent
was unclear.

Wait, what? What did you say?

[chuckles]

All right.

What was clear, however,

was that Larry could never
find out about this.

It was called
foreign accent syndrome,

a rare disorder

that could suddenly
and totally change

a speaker's voice.

And Ashley definitely had it.

Hmm.

Probably.

[sighs] Well, your tests
indicate no abnormalcies.

Could you walk me
through what happened again?

I woke up and I'm different.

Huh, I see.

Do you treat this all the time?

Well, not personally.

I have heard of similar cases,

but yours just...
just didn't seem to fit.

Have you been hit
on the head recently?

No.

Well, without a clear cause

I can't make
any specific recommendation.

But I think speech therapy

could possibly help
your situation.

-Then I'll be back to normal?
-We'll have to wait and see.

Maybe it will all make sense
somehow.

How?

In other news, tempers flared

at last night city
council meeting.

Ongoing talks have broken down

at the mayor's controversial
flighted deadline

for the decision
on the fate of the tree.

Remember to shape your vowels?

Watch your mouth
when you shape them.

How is it? Do I sound normal?

Well, let's try it again.

In all other news,
tempers flared...

I don't know. She's never late.

Yeah, but what about
the weather?

Hmm?

Oh, yeah. Right.

[phone ringing]

This is Bruce.

[man] Hello,
this is Dr. Cunningham.

I regret to inform you

that we're finding
Miss Jones's illness

to be stubbornly persisting.

[sighs]

You have a time frame
for her recovery?

Not as of yet, no.

We're still monitoring
the situation.

We've already had
to bump back

her interview
with the mayor twice.

Can I speak with her?

Well, frankly,
it's nothing too serious.

However, I do recommend
continued rest.

Well, I'm sure
you know what's best, doctor.

Thanks for letting me know.

Not at all, sir.
You have a great day.

Can I have my $20 now lady?

-Don't spend it on drugs.
-Not gonna spend it on drugs.

You spend it on drugs.

Is everything
still perfectly normal, sir?

What?

Oh... thank you.

There you are.

-Did work hold you up again?
-Mm-hmm.

Good.

Because
that's perfectly normal.

Mm, the steak is delicious.

I said, "Mm,
this steak is delicious."

Mm-hmm.

[beep] This is Ashley Jones.
Leave a message.

Ashley, you've got
to let me know

about this Mayor thing
tomorrow.

You're my rock star.

Let's try it again.
Now repeat after me.

Greedy goats
gobbled up gooseberries

getting good
at grabbing the goodies.

-Ashley?
-I'm trying.

Okay, well.

Here's something
you might want to try.

It's a little different.

Different?

[German accent]
It vas the fourth of July

seven years ago.

Ve vere sitting on ze dock
of ze Marina eating a pizza,

ven suddenly I hear
this frightening cry...

I look and I see
a child sinking.

I'm sinking... I have to help.

Vell, I jumped right in ze water

and just as I pushed her
to safety

I was run over by a boat.

I drowned.

And I woke up speaking
something like zis.

I have seen some dark days
since then.

But I want everybody of you

to know how much I
appreciate you.

Zis is ze best turnout yet

for our foreign accent
syndrome support group.

[applauding]

Hi.

[French accent]
I'm Guy.

I kind of ran the streets
my whole life with a rock group.

And it kind of gives me
my identity, you know?

One day zat all went away.

We were about to do our
biggest iced [indistinct]

and then sleep in ze
[indistinct] at morning.

Woke up in the hospital
with his accent.

And my gang,
zey kicked me out.

Zey say I wasn't hard no more.

Oh, ja,
it is perfectly normal for us

to feel
like vee no longer fit in.

Senk you, brother.

[door opens]

[British accent]
Hello, hello, hello gents.

Sorry for the tardiness

but money never sleeps,
you know.

Okay, as you all know,
way before this

I was
a lowly construction worker.

I didn't even know

what foreign accent
syndrome was.

I mean, who would have thought

that the hit on the head
with a sledgehammer

would have endowed me
with a charismatic accent

and a fabulous way of life
as an entrepreneur.

Let that be a lesson to you.
Don't wear a helmet.

It's "antapreneure".

Okay, all right.

Everybody good, are they?
How's the family?

-They stopped talking to me.
-Well, you can't win them all.

Well, you can't win them all.
I can.

Wait a minute. I think we have
a new face with us today.

What's your name, darling?

Hello. My name is Ashley.

Oh, a Japanese accent.

That's good.

[chuckles] Why?

Vell, it makes sense.

How?

So, tell us about yourself.

I want to learn more
about foreign accent syndrome.

You came to the right place.
We're all friends here.

Good, because I just woke up
and spoke this way.

You know, it's very confusing.

So how did you hurt
your head, ma cherie?

I never hurt my head.

It vazen't a stroke?
What? Did you drown?

No.

Let me
get this straight, love.

You never hit your head?

No.

Becky's beagles barked and--

Is this ever going
to get easier?

Of course,
you were doing great.

Really?

Yeah.

And even if nothing
ever comes from the therapy,

you don't have to worry.

No?

No. Maybe it all
kind of makes sense.

How? How does it make sense
for me, for anybody else,

to go to sleep one night

and wake up the next morning
with Japanese accent,

or any other accent?

How does it make sense at all?

No, I guess it just doesn't make
any sense at all.

But it seems like it should.

That sucks.

[man] Can't you see that this
is getting you nowhere?

That you'll have to tell
the truth eventually?

Your turn, captain.

Now listen, Jim.

You know who killed
Patrick and Taylor.

But what's more important

is you know who ended up
with the golden leopard.

You're home.

Mm-hmm.

How are you?

Is everything okay?

Is everything perfectly normal?

[coughing]

How about at work?

Is everything good there?

Everything normal?

Hmm-hmm.

Stan asked about you.

He said that he wanted
to say hello.

[giggling]

-You remember Stan, right?
-Mm-hmm.

Yeah, yeah. You had
that really good conversation

about the weather.

Anyway, he said

that he didn't see you
on TV much this week.

Isn't that weird?

Hmm.

Do you think that maybe

he's just tuning in
at the wrong time?

Do you think that's it?

Because I would be surprised

if he was always tuned in
at the right time

and suddenly he is tuned in
at the wrong time.

Wouldn't you?

[chuckles]

Anyway...
I just wanted to let you know

that I'm really excited to watch
your interview with the Mayor.

Are you sure you don't want
to say anything?

Uh-uh.
[chuckles]

Okay.

Have a good night.

[sighs]

My name is Ashley Jones.

My name is Ashley Jones.

My name is Ashley Jones.

Did anyone follow up
on the 500 year old woman

who... there she is.

[Bruce] Great to have you back.

Everything's on the cue cards.
You know what to do.

[woman] Five, four, three...

ACTIONS NEWS
LIVE

ACTION NEWS
THREE CONTROVERSY:

MAYOR TO REVIEW
FATEFUL DECISION

The cards.

Just read the cards.

So, about the tree...

Think of the ratings.

[dramatic music playing]

[inhales]

[sustained beep]

ACTION NEWS
SORRY FOR THE INTERRUPTION

Are you sure
you didn't hit your head?

Yeah.

I understand.

There's never a good time
for this.

But we have to think
about the ratings.

Tiffany will take
your place for now.

If there's anything else
that opens up...

off camera maybe

I can let you know.

Okay?

Say hello to Dr. Cunningham
for me.

[crickets chirping]

Larry.

I'll be out of here very soon.

Want to go dinner
and talk about it?

I'm sorry,
please don't be mad.

I'm not mad.

Not anymore.

Am I disappointed? Yeah.

We had such a beautifully
normal thing together.

Now...

I don't know.

I mean, look at you,
you're just so...

You're not the same woman
I fell in love with anymore.

Sorry.

Larry, wait.

I never intended to hurt you.

Look at me.

I'm the same Ashley
I always was.

And I know our love
is strong enough

to overcome no matter
what obstacle.

Ashley...

I'm sorry... what did you say?

I said no matter
what obstacle.

What is it?

Nevermind.

Oh, obstacle.

No matter the obstacle.

It was a beautiful thing, so...

Here...

keep this.

I think
you need it more than I do?

Yes, life was hard for Ashley.

Our heartsick heroine

pined in solitude
for her lost love.

Days turned into months,
months turned into years.

And all she could do
was remember.

[choir music playing]

Through the long years,

she hid herself away
from the cold, cruel world.

Her only companions
misery and loneliness

and her children.

My babies.

[baby coos]

Ashley had become a prisoner
in her own world.

You suck.

Abandoned by mankind
and forgotten by the world,

she eventually forgot
how to speak altogether.

She desperately longed
to forget the spurning

of her beguiling lost love...

Larry.

But instead,
she could only console herself

with longing for the moment
his pain would finally end.

Just a few more breaths.

[breathing softly]

Almost.

But first she had to ignore
Tiffany's phone call.

[phone ringing]

-Leave me alone, Tiffany.
-Hold on, Evie.

Maybe we're just not listening.
None of you are.

GOOD GENES:

LOCAL WOMAN CELEBRATES
500.000 BIRTHDAY

Uh--

[dramatic music playing]

No.

[sighs]

[dialing]

[phone ringing]

[man] Spaghetteria.
What would you like to order?

[collage of voices] Hello...

I just want to... order...
spaghetti...

with marinara sauce.

You want meatballs with that?

No... are you... crazy?

All right. What's the address?

[recorder clicks and rewinds]

14 maple... drive.

It's 12,99.
Should take about 30 minutes.

[female voice] Thank you.

Goodbye.

[clicks]

[knocking on door]

Larry?

Oh...
oh, my dear sweet Ashley.

I bet you look just as beautiful
as the day we met.

But, alas, I'll never know.

Oh, Larry,
what happened to you?

It just came on so suddenly.

The doctors
have no idea what happened.

And there's nothing
they can do.

I just, I needed to hold you
one last time

before the paralysis
moves up to my arms.

I'm not perfectly normal.

Ashley, do you really think

that I could stay away
from you

just because you're...
different?

-Larry, I'm really--
-Don't worry. I'll be fine.

Just as long as I can hold you
one last time in my arms.

No, Larry, I'm really sorry.
But you are too late.

You're not the man
I fell in love with any more.

Come on, babe.
The water is getting cold.

You got it, stud.

-Oh, who's this little guy?
-He's nobody.

He's not giving you problems.
Is he babe?

No, he's not bothering me.

He doesn't mean anything
to me at all.

But, Ashley, oh--

[laughs hysterically]

[laughing]

[crying] Ashley!

[phone ringing]

Ashley.

[ringing coming from her mouth]

THANK YOU

Do you need any change?

[knocking]

Hello.

Sorry, I kind of need you
to tell me.

[normal accent] No,
you can keep the change.

Keep the change.

Thank you.

My name is Ashley Jones.

My name is Ashley Jones.

[cheering and applauding]

[crying]

Joke! Joke! Joke! Joke!

Well...

Just one.

Knock, knock.

[laughing and applauding]

[knocking on door]

-Who's there?
-Tiffany.

-Tiffany who?
-Oh my God. Funny.

Put your shoes on. Let's go.

-Where?
-To the party. Remember?

-Big tree fundraiser?
-Oh, I'm busy tonight.

You expect me to believe that?

I can go. I'm sick.

What kind of sick?

Uh, I throw up.

You're going to throw up?

-Yes.
-Okay.

I'll wait.

-I'm much better now.
-Oh, good.

Want some gum?

Sure.

How about this dress?
Do you like it?

Everybody's gonna be there.
You want to look good, right?

I don't care.

Ooh, I look good in this one.

Yeah, Dwayne will love it.

This sucks.

If something bad
had to happen to me,

why couldn't it be
some good bad thing

that's obvious

so everybody
feels sorry for me.

But this,
this just confuses people.

Because seems
like it should make sense,

but it doesn't.

Look. I understand
why you're upset, okay?

Because your life
isn't perfectly normal anymore.

I don't like it either.

I don't like it at all.

But we're gonna fix you.

And we'll start
by getting you a new Larry.

And then your life
will be perfectly normal again.

And we'll all be comfortable.

Well, it doesn't go
back to normal.

Tiffany was shocked to realize

that she had never considered
this possibility.

She was equally shocked
to realize

that Ashley might no longer be
the friend she used to know.

And Ashley was shocked
to realize

what Tiffany had just realized.

Let's go to the party.

[chuckles] Okay, awesome.

Oh, and you have to get
ten phone numbers

by the end of the night.

-Ten? How about three?
-Five.

Five. I don't know.

I'm not confident enough
to get five numbers.

Then, just pretend you are.
That's what life's all about.

-Pretending?
-Yes.

Pretending to be what?

Whatever anybody
wants you to be.

So you get five numbers
and I'll go find Dwayne.

Don't worry. I'll be
by your side the whole time.

-[girl] Oh, Dwayne.
-[girl #2] Hey, Dwayne.

-Oh, I gotta go.
-I'll come with you.

No, stay here.
Get some numbers.

[cater] There you go.
On the rocks for you.

Oh, thank you sir.

Martini no olives
coming right up.

Hey, give me your number.

Right on.

[chuckles]

So, what made you come over here
and talk to me?

And just like that,

Ashley realized
she owned this place.

The party, not the house.

She owned a different house.

-Hey, gave me your number.
-What?

-My phone number?
-Yeah, your number right now.

What do you...
What are you talking about?

Who's Dave?

[toilet flushing]

Oh, give me the number.

Oh, whoa, whoa.
She is with me, bro.

Wait... What?

Give me your number.
I want your number, please.

Okay.

Wait, why are you asking him
for his number?

I have lots of phone calls
to make.

Well, give me back my number.

Look, I'll be perfectly honest
with you.

I'm trying to get five numbers.

You're trying to get
five numbers?

Yeah, I have to.

Well, then
I'm not giving you mine.

What? You're not giving her
your number?

No.

All right, you can take
my number back.

Okay, it was nice meeting you.
Both.

I love your accent.
I drive a Honda.

You go get us some food, okay?

Okay... meatballs.

-Surprise me.
-Right on.

Hey, give me your number.

Ashley.

-Larry.
-Hey.

Hi.

Tenderloin?

Yeah.

But it's too rare, though.

Oh, too bad.

Yeah.

I know.

So, is there anything new?

-Nothing.
-Oh.

You?

-I just wanted to say that--
-Hey.

You know, I saw they have
another round of steak out.

I'll be right back.

[whispering] Here you go.

Where did you say that--

I don't want your number.

What is your problem, lady?

I don't even know this guy.
But anyway, did you--

It's a very normal party.

-Perfectly normal.
-You think so?

Yeah, I love it.

Yeah, yeah, me too.

I'm Larry.

-Hi, I'm Emily.
-Emily!

That's
a perfectly normal name.

Thanks. It's the most common
woman's name in America.

-Really?
-Wait, Larry...

Were you saying to me?

Uh, I don't... I--

Can I get you anything?

Thanks, but I already got
a plate for myself.

Oh, my.

So, they didn't have
any meatballs.

[dramatic music playing]

This is my fiancé.

Right on.

-Fiancé?
-Yeah, you wait in here.

I have another big surprise
for you, okay?

Wait, this is a coat closet.
Wait-- okay.

[sighs]

Hey, give me your number.

Are you serious?

Serious. You're very hot.

Well, I can't argue with that.

So, you're Japanese?

You're here
with all the Kobayashi people?

No, I'm not Japanese.
I'm from Allentown.

I have a fiancé.

What the crap?
[scoffs]

[Dwayne] Hey, Jen,
you're looking good.

Hey... I haven't met you yet.

Yeah, yeah.

-How do you like the party?

-This party sucks.

What?

Where are you from?

Japan. Now leave me a--

[music playing]

Awesome.

Wow.

What city are you from?

I don't know.

Saigon?

Niihau.

Here, allow me.

Let me show you something.

[crickets chirping]

Ashley gazed up at the stars

and realized she was glad

that Tiffany
had dragged her here.

Maybe life wasn't so hopeless
after all.

[birds chirping]

You're different.

I'm not different.

Yes, you are.

But I like that about you.

[laughs] Oh.

I'm Ashley.

Dwayne.

-Wait, your name is Dwayne?
-Yeah.

What?

I gotta go. It's an emergency.

Oh, of course, yeah.
Down the hall on the right.

Aren't you glad
I dragged you here?

Maybe life
isn't so hopeless after all.

Tiffany, I need
to talk to you know.

No, I need you
to help me find Dwayne.

You have something
on your face.

Huh?

You freshen up.
I look downstairs.

You're the best.

Ashley was being pulled
in too many directions at once.

Larry had her heart.

But Dwayne
had, hmm, other qualities.

Still, Tiffany should have
her loyalty.

Ashley realized
that she needed to--

Hey, Ashley,
I'm glad you're here.

I might have
a big opportunity for you.

The interview that you did

with the 50,000 year old woman
was a big hit.

Five hundred thousand.

Right.

We want to get her back.
But we can't find her.

If you could track her down

I might be able
to bring you back.

To my old job?

Maybe we could find you
something else.

Producer or something.

Okay,
maybe that's normal enough.

Can you get started
right away?

Well, I got a lot on my plate
at the moment.

Hi.

Hey.

I can take that.

Thanks.

I need to talk to you
about Tiffany.

Yeah, and then
about the weather--

Oh, Ashley.

Oh, Ashley.

Oh, Larry. Hi.

-I might get my job back.
-Touche, babe.

So, at your old studio?

Yes.

Oh.

[Dwayne] Champagne. No olives.

Well, maybe
that's normal enough.

You know,
maybe we can pretend...

-Yeah, maybe--
-Steak?

I've got a lot on my plate
at the moment.

Let's celebrate. Cheers.

[glasses clink]

Oh, there's some people
I want you to meet.

What do you think?

This woman... not Japanese.

No.

-You tramp!
-Oh.

Get your hands
off my fiancé, bro.

Fiancé?

[cross talking]

But does this "fiancé" mean?
I genuinely don't know.

No, no, no.

[speaking Japanese]

It's okay.
What you did to him?

I don't know these guys are.
This guy is looking like a slob.

-[Bruce] Guys, guys...
-What are you doing here?

Everything's great.
Just let her talk.

-Hey, here's my number.
-You got to be kidding me.

[cross talking]

[Bruce] Guys, guys!

Knock, knock.

You suck.

And so it turned out

life really was hopeless
after all.

Hello, this is Jim speaking.

Finally a little luck...

[sighs] Again.

It was time to give up.

Sure, Ashley could get
her old job back

is she found Evie,
but she had no idea

how to solve this case.
And so she--

Wait a minute.

...to shake
this thing up right,

I think I'll swear out
[indistinct] like Kappa Pi,

all you need to do

is think
like a private eye, Jonesy.

Wait just a minute.

[phone ringing]

Hello.

This is detective Jones.
I'm on the case.

[busy tone]

[call ends]

[thinking]
Finally a little luck

was headed my way.

Word came down
from the big man

that I could have
my old job back.

But only if I found this broad.

She liked to run her mouth
about pyramids.

Yeah, this would be
a piece of cake.

A piece of cake

as long as whoever
was tailing me

didn't cause
too much of a stir.

I knew the first guy
I should talk to.

He was a random quack

who was permanently
desperate for a quick buck.

But he always knew the score.

I get a good stall

but it ain't gonna be free
see?

Now you're singing my song.

No, you'll start singing
my song, pal.

And you'd better make me
want to dance.

[chair creaking]

[Ashley thinking]
After that he sang all right.

The quack sang
like a chorus girl.

He pointed me

towards a big old mansion
in Hancock Park,

where the dame
was supposed to hang around.

The kind of place
where people float in and out

like a broken hearted ghost.

Looking for something

they've been looking
for so long

they forgot what it was.
But not me.

I knew
just what I was looking for.

This has proven to be
one slippery fish.

But I knew
I had to boat this bass.

Even if it meant talking
to the one low down dirty eel

who knew it all.

This muck

seems to be everywhere
and hear everything,

always turning up
like a bad penny.

I've just as soon break
his legs

as talked to him.

But I needed the inside dish.

He said he could help me
for a price.

It was called
the Golden Leopard.

He said it was his,

but some other crooks
have gotten their paws on it.

I didn't care
to search through the details.

All I knew was
that if I got it,

he'd deliver the dame

who was causing
all this trouble.

We had such a beautifully
normal thing together.

NO TALKING

It is perfectly normal.

SE HABLA INGLES

Everything is perfectly normal.

Perfectly normal.

Normalcy.

Normalcy!

KEEP MEAT PRODUCTS
REFRIGERATED

[laughing and applauding]

No meatballs.

[bottle breaking]

YOU SUCK!!!

[screaming]

[dramatic music playing]

Greg, what happened?
Talk to me.

You suck.

[trumpet theme playing]

The spaghetti had hit the fan.

I had no idea where the team
or the golden leopard got to.

And Greg was dead.

I was singing in the wind.

[siren blaring]

He wasn't dead,
but he was dead drunk

and useless to me.

[banging]

[thudding]

I have to get ahold of myself.

I had to think.

Who pumped off Greg?

Where was the golden leopard?

Was doc Cunningham
just playing possum?

But most of all,
who was tailing me?

Hey, what's up?

[whooshing]

You need
to start talking, playboy.

What? Do you think I'm pretty?

[whooshing]

Turns out he knew
as little as I did.

Should I call you?
[grunts]

In the middle
of this swampy mixed up mess,

one thing was perfectly clear.

I was never gonna find
this dame.

-There she is.
-Leave me alone.

-But aren't you the--
-No.

Yes, we did an interview.
Do you want to do another one?

-You lied to me?
-What? How?

You acted
like you believed me.

But it was all
just for ratings, wasn't it?

-Uh...
-Oh, what? You can't talk now?

Sorry for what I did.

Wait. What happened
to your voice?

I don't know.

I'm sorry, I'm not trying

to make fun of you
or anything.

And if it's none of my business.
I apologize.

Is it like foreign accent
syndrome or something?

Ashley was shocked to realize
that this was the first person

to understand her
in a long time.

Sure, yeah.

-Sort of.
-Wow. Really?

But you didn't get hit
in the head, right?

I mean, if you had
serious head trauma

you wouldn't be up
and around already.

No, I wasn't.

Just woke up this way.

Just happened.

Jesus, that is frustrating.

Yeah, it's very lonely.

Well, you're allowed
to feel that.

But wait, you've got
a Japanese accent.

That is complicated.

I'll bet people have no idea
what to think of you, do they?

I'll bet there's even people
who don't believe you.

Right?

Well, it's not
a very credible story.

But doesn't mean
it's not true.

Yeah, but it doesn't make
any sense.

Which sucks, because it seems
like it should make sense,

but it doesn't.

Well, maybe you're wrong
to assume

that you are the version of you
that can understand this.

Maybe the version of you
that can understand

what you're going through
right now

is the one you become
after you go through it all.

[birds chirping]

That would be terrible.

No, that would be the life.

Come on.

Do this interview.

[sighs]

You seem nice.
And I would like to help you.

But I'm 27.

Twenty seven?

Thirty one.

Thirty two, okay.

So... sorry, you know,
I can't do it.

The chase was over.
It was a dead end.

It was curtains for me.

Case closed.

Um... are you okay?

I don't know.

Do you want to get
some dinner and talk about it?

[dishes clanking]

Well, this is nice.

Yeah.

What do you recommend?

I always get the spaghetti.

Okay. Marinara?

Yeah.

-Meatballs?
-Uh, no.

Oh, why not?

I don't know. It's not normal.

And normalcy is good.

Oh, I think
you mean normality.

Huh?

Um, I'm not
to be pedantic here,

but this drives me nuts.

Adjectives that end in a "T"

get a "CY" suffix
when becoming a noun. Right?

Pregnant - cy, frequent - cy,
transparent - cy.

Adjectives that end in "AL"
get an "ITY" suffix.

Mental - mentality,
real - reality,

formal - formality. Normal--

Normalcy!

Uh, good evening.
Can I get your usual?

Can we see a menu, please?

[chuckles]

Why?

I guess we need a minute.

Yeah.

Okay.

Weird.

So, what else is good here?

Tenderloin and potatoes
are her favorite.

But, whatever.
I'll get the menus.

I mean, what else
have you tried?

Just the spaghetti.

How many times
have you been here?

Well, once in a week
for the last six years

puts us around... 300.

So you've been here 300 times

and you've never tried
anything

other than the spaghetti?

Yeah.

Well, what's wrong?

You know...

All of this.

Yeah.

I know.

I've been down
in the dumps too before.

You have?

Yeah, like when I was
in the shipping business,

I accidentally imported
the Black Death into Europe.

[sighs]

I felt like they really
didn't take that well,

but you know.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, not as sorry
as the Florentines.

Okay, wait.
You're not really 32.

You are 500,000 years old!

[shushing]

Okay, sorry.

I just said that because I--

Wait...

So you do believe me?

Well, if you say so.
Yeah, it's good enough for me.

Really?

Evie was shocked to realize
that this was the first person

to understand her
in a long time.

A very long time.

A very, very,
very, very, very, very--

[clears throat]

Are you ready yet?

Could you bring us
a basket of bread?

Bread?

You do have bread, right?

For her.

Yeah.

All right.

Okay, look,
you should do the interview.

[sighs] Let's not spoil dinner.

But if you're really
500,000 years old

you should be true to yourself.

Joan of Arc was true to herself.

And look where it got her.

Steak, well done.

But don't you think
you owe it to humanity?

Because people want to know
that they can live forever too.

Living forever
is the worst kind of hell.

-You should just do it.
-Why?

Because...

Because you could get famous.

[laughing]

Okay, nice try.

Your... bread.

-I will have the spaghetti.
-Oh, thank God.

With marinara.

-Yes, please.
-Excellent choice.

So, two spaghettis
with marinara.

Right?

I'm gonna go wash my hands.

Because you can't be
too careful with the plague.

Well?

Don't do...

Don't do it.

[sighs]

[sighs]

[whispering] What's the opposite
of spaghetti with marinara?

Tenderloin and potatoes.

No.

Could you please just order
the spaghetti with marinara?

No.

What's wrong?

All the other things.

Where's Larry?

[scoffs]

Did I do something wrong?

What? No. Of course not.

I guess it's me.

I don't think you should come
in here anymore.

Yeah, me neither.

You've changed.

Believe me, I'm sorry for that.

So am I.

So am I.

I'll have the fish.

[rumbling]

[beeping]

That was a lovely meal. Right?

Yeah.

Did that fish not agree
with you?

I don't know.
I don't know anything anymore.

I don't even know who I am.

What... what do you mean?

I mean, am I a news anchor
or fiancée or detective.

Have you ever felt
like an old woman?

[laughing]

Me?

Come look at this.

Tell me what you see.

A tree.

A tree?

Do you see
anything more than that?

I don't know.

A tree.

Ever growing, ever changing.

Familiar, yet unique.

Okay.

Let me ask you something.

Would this miracle of nature
stop being a tree

if it lost its leaves?

No.

Would it stop being a tree

if its leaves were
a different color?

I guess not.

No, of course it wouldn't.

Because a tree isn't defined
by the little things.

It's all about
what's at the core. You know?

You are still Ashley Jones.

And Ashley Jones
is a wonderful person,

no matter what color
her leaves are.

Thank you. Thank you, Evie.

All right, poor kid.

I remember when I was your age

I thought
I was all grown up too.

Hey, maybe I should do
this interview.

Really?

Yeah.

Maybe we'll find out the truth.

Maybe I'll get famous.

So in the end, Ashley's trap
had worked perfectly.

She had Evie
right where she wanted her.

[chainsaw rumbling]

[keyboard clacking]

[knocking on door]

There she is.

There's my rock star.

-It's great to be back.
-Seriously.

It's like our family
is reunited.

You, me, makeup girl, Jim.

-Welcome back.
-Thanks, Bruce.

John's landed.

The 5000 year old woman.

Five hundred thousand.

Okay, this is gonna be great.

There she is.
There's my rock star.

-This is gonna be great.
-That's great.

-This is going to be great.
-That's great.

So great.

Just then Ashley realized

she was having
a crisis of conscience.

What? No, I'm not.

She felt guilty

that she was doing
whatever it took

to get her old job back.

It's not just a job.
It's my life.

It wasn't just your life.
It was her integrity.

Oh, that's your opinion.

Okay, so then you know

that you're doing
the right thing?

Look, I don't see
what the big problem is.

Well, the big problem

is that she hasn't gone
through hair and makeup

or wardrobe
and she's on in 30.

-You're a producer now.
-Yeah.

That's great. That's great.

No, that's not great.

Why?

You're taking advantage
of Evie, you know?

No, I'm not.

Then what are you doing?

Aren't we just giving a voice

to someone who otherwise
wouldn't be heard?

That's right.

Is it?

I don't know.
This is between you two?

Yeah. Besides,
this was all Bruce's idea.

The wheel is already in motion.

Are you honestly saying
it's impossible to stop this

if that were--

Okay, okay, I'll talk to Bruce.

What happens
if you don't do this interview?

-What happens is--
-[shushing]

Oh, sorry.

What happens is...

The choice
for Ashley was perfectly clear.

Look, it's not
just black and white.

-Black or white?
-I've not decided yet.

The choice was clear.
It was time to talk to...

Tiffany.

You have some nerves
coming back here.

-Look, I'm really sorry.
-Yeah, I bet.

No, really. I need you
to believe me

-that I wasn't trying to--
-Look, if it's not about work,

I don't want to hear it.

Okay.

I just wanted to talk to you
about this interview.

No, you changed.

She might have had
something there.

Yeah. Larry dumped you.

And then you got jealous
of me and Dwayne.

Nah, she lost it.

Lunch order for Tiffany.

But I will say this.
He's not just some beefcake.

He's smart and sensitive,
and deep and smart.

Niihau, amigos.

Tiffany looked
for something crushing

to say to her amigo Ashley.

You suck.

Though it wasn't as crushing
as she had hoped.

Okay, okay, how about this?

Why don't you
just go talk to her?

Who? Tiffany?

[sighing]

I can't. I'm really busy.

Well, it kinda seems
like you're just using her.

No, I'm not.

See? She wants to do this.

Uh-humm.

Look, I'm the victim here.

I only lost my job
in the first place

because something
happened to me

that I couldn't control.

But you can control this.

Yeah, he's right.
It's indefensible.

Yeah, he's right.

Don't listen to them.

You're getting everything
you want out of this.

You're getting
your old life back,

you're getting your job back.

Um, not exactly.

Close enough.
It's a return to normalcy.

Plus, I'm telling you,
this will impress Larry.

Right?

-Actually, yes, because I--
-Okay.

See?

But, what about my integrity?

It's not your integrity.
It's your life.

Yeah.

So then your solution
to all this is--

You know what?

I'm not listening to you
anymore.

Call for Ashley.

You're just trying to ignore
the problem. Over.

Copy that.

No, I'm not?

Yeah, you are.

You're making
the mistake of thinking

that not fixing the problem
is a solution.

But conflict avoidance

is not synonymous
with conflict resolution.

-Who are you?
-I'm Pat.

You're fired.

Oh... great.

Don't you think
they might laugh at her?

Nobody's gonna laugh at her.

[laughing]

[both] It's going to be great.

Really? How do you think
it'll make her feel

when nobody believes there?

She's old enough
to make that call.

Yeah. And how old
is she again?

I'm not the one
you should be talking to.

Tiffany's doing an interview.
It's out of my hands.

You have ten minutes to live.

What?

Yeah, the wound on your back
got infected, so...

Oh no, wait...

Dr. Cunningham.
Thanks for coming.

It's all right. Wrong chart.
What I meant to say

was Tiffany
has food poisoning.

How could this have happened?

[beeping]

Hey, shouldn't the fridge
be plugged in?

Who cares?

Wait, somebody else
has only ten minutes to live?

Excuse me.

You got your job back.

-What?
-Tiffany's out, you're in.

-Oh.
-It's all in your hands now.

You just have to do
exactly what I say.

And with that, Ashley knew
exactly what she had to--

I'll do it.

One question, okay?

Look,
I don't have time for this.

Oh, sorry. Sheesh!

One question.

What?

Why is she doing
this interview?

What do you mean?

Honestly, why?

Um...

[girl] Places everybody.

My name is Evie.

And I am 500,000 years old
today.

My name--

My name is Evie

and I am 500,000 years old...
today.

My name is Evie.

Oh, are you doing
the interview?

Yes.

Oh, that's great.

It's gonna be great.

[Bruce]
Yes, it's gonna be great.

[makeup girl] That's great.

[Bruce] So great.

How are you feeling?
Are you nervous?

I'm okay.

Do you have any questions
before we start?

I guess not.

No, really.
We can talk about it.

Do you have any concerns?

[scoffs] Nah.

I mean, how would you feel
like if they laugh,

if they don't believe you?

[scoffs] Of course
they're gonna laugh.

Of course
they're not gonna believe me.

[chuckles]

Then, why are you doing
this interview?

Well, I just thought
it would help you out.

Okay, in five, four, three...

[theme music playing]

ACTION NEWS
LIVE

ACTION NEWS
500,000 YEARS OLD:

LOCAL WOMAN TO REVEAL
HER SECRET

Not again.

THINK OF THE RATINGS

[whispering] Ask her her age.

Ask her...

about her age.

[whispering] Ask me
about my age.

Okay, listen.

There's not going to be
an interview.

[sighs]

But I can tell you this.

This lady is a good, kind,
thoughtful friend.

Probably kinder than any of us.

So you don't believe her

when she says
500,000 years old.

And to be honest...
maybe I don't.

I know how easy it is
to ignore reality

and easiest way to ignore
all of my all shortcomings

to make somebody else
a target.

So go ahead laugh.

Or we could be all
more like her.

The world would be
a better place.

Right?

You suck.

Should I cut?

ACTION NEWS
SORRY. AGAIN.

[sustained beeping]

Evie?

Hey, do you know
where Evie went?

No.

Wait, didn't I fire you?

No, no,
that was somebody else.

Hmm.

Ashley really was proud
of herself this time.

She stood up for a friend
when she needed at the most.

"Dear Ashley so long
and thanks for everything.

Don't waste your time
looking for me.

We'll never meet again?"

But this wasn't the response
that she had hoped for.

Ashley wondered
just what had gone wrong.

Of course, Evie said
she wanted to be left alone.

But Ashley couldn't help
retracing her steps.

No, meatballs are normal.

-Really?
-Yeah. Totally normal.

Normal.

Okay.

-Can we order the meatballs?
-No.

The meatballs are poisoned.

"Seriously, leave me alone!"

Ashley was beginning
to get the hint.

But should she really
not even try

to look for her friend again?

"Yes, really.
Stop looking for me."

-Hey.
-Oh, hey.

Listen, I just wanted to say
a couple of things.

Uh, A, I wanted to apologize
for being mean.

B, I really liked your speech.

C...

is Dwayne just a good looking
meathead in a towel?

Yeah, I'm afraid so.

Yeah.

I know.

...MEANWHILE,
ACROSS THE STREET

[Tiffany] Is Dwayne,

just a good looking meathead
in a towel?

[Ashley] Yes, I'm afraid so.

Dwayne was shocked
to realize that--

Well, no, he
didn't really learn anything.

But he was good looking.

-He's good looking, though.
-Yeah, I know.

[chuckling]

I guess that's that.

Yes, I guess that was that.

So in the end, Ashley learned

that some things
drift in and out of your life

with no real reason
or purpose.

And nothing you do or don't do

makes
that much of a difference.

But that's what it means
to be an adult.

You just sort of do things.

And the best conclusion
you can hope for

isn't very satisfying,

because you
can't understand it.

And you
really shouldn't even try.

And then things
don't go anywhere for a while.

Until they just sort of end.

[phone ringing]

Hello.

[man] Evie may only have
moments to live.

Are you sure
you have the right chart?

Yeah, I'm afraid so.

Look, I probably
shouldn't be telling you this

because of confidentiality
reasons.

But it's an emergency,
so I need to let you know.

A while back we diagnosed her
with a rather persistent,

rather severe
delusional disorder.

And we've had her up

on our psych ward
multiple times

for repeatedly trying
to kill herself.

[voice fading out]
She was here three weeks ago.

Ashley was in a panic.

She had retraced her steps,
but she--

Wait.

[waves crushing]

Filling her pockets with rocks,

our other heartsick heroin
decided to walk into the ocean

and end it all.

[thinking] Which makes sense,

because I remember when life
first crawled out of there.

Evie.

Oh, great.

Not again.

Can we talk?

No.

Please, don't do it.

I stood up for you.

Actually, sweetheart,

you told everyone
that you don't believe me.

I said, "Maybe I don't."

Okay. So what do you think?

The doctor said that I think--

Ashley, I know
what the doctors think.

I'm just feeling very old
and very tired.

And very ready
for things to be over.

Okay, you're allowed
to feel that.

Oh, thank you.

What do you want me to say?

I'm not gonna tell you
what to say.

I'm not gonna speak for you,

I'm not gonna say,
"Repeat after me."

Listen, I don't believe
that you're 500,000 years old.

No one does.

And I know how lonely
that makes you feel?

But you're not alone.

We could still be friends.

And as your friend...

I don't want you to do this.

Because I'll be all alone.

Do you want to do that to me?

[seagulls cawing]

♪ Happy birthday to you

♪ Happy birthday dear Evie
Happy birthday to you ♪

My first struggle
with depression started

when my third husband died.

He fell
into the La Brea Tar Pits.

They have him on display now
next to the mammoth bones.

[woman] Okay, Evie,
let's fact check that.

[Evie] All right.

They put him over
by the bathroom.

Ashley Jones
was finally at peace.

Perhaps it was time
to embrace her new life,

difficulties and all.

Older and wiser,
she could no longer yearn

for the comfortable days
of normalcy.

But instead,
she should embrace

what life had now brough her
"Difference-cy".

Perhaps Ashley Jones
now stood on the threshold

of a new world
of exciting possibilities.

Yes, perhaps a little luck
was finally headed her way.

[clanking]

[thudding]

[birds chirping]

[moaning]

My head.

You have got to be kidding me.

No, I'm not kidding.

It was all strange
but all true.

And this is the fate of man

to endure
the vicissitudes of destiny,

endlessly wrestling

with the supreme complexity
of existence.

Then again,
why take my word for it?

[chuckles] I'm just a potato.

[English accent]
Let me get this straight.

You're an American
who got an American accent?

[door creaks]