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♪♪♪
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>>> GOOD EVENING.
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I'M KRISTEN WELKER, AND IT IS
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THE HONOR OF A LIFETIME TO
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MODERATE THE SECOND AND, PRAISE
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JESUS, FINAL PRESIDENTIAL
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DEBATE.
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TONIGHT WE HAVE A MUTE BUTTON
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BECAUSE IT WAS EITHER THAT OR
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TRANQUILIZER DARTS, AND THE
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PRESIDENT HAS A VERY HIGH
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TOLERANCE FOR THOSE AFTER HIS
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COVID TREATMENT.
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SO, PLEASE WELCOME PRESIDENT
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DONALD TRUMP AND FORMER VICE
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PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN.
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♪♪♪
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GOOD EVENING GENTLEMAN, AND
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WELCOME TO THE DEBATE.
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ARE WE READY TO BEGIN?
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>> YES, BUT FIRST, HOW DOES THIS
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MUTE BUTTON WORK?
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DO I JUST HAUL OFF AND SLAP HIM
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IN THE MOUTH?
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>> NO, MR. VICE PRESIDENT, WE'LL
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TAKE CARE OF THAT ON OUR OWN.
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>> ARE YOU SURE?
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BECAUSE I THINK EVERYBODY WOULD
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LOVE TO SEE ME DO IT.
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>> OKAY, REALLY?
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THINK YOU'RE SOME TOUGH GUY
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BECAUSE OF ALL THAT MONEY FROM
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CHINA?
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>> AH AH AH.
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I'LL PUSH IT.
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IT'S NOT CONNECTED TO ANYTHING,
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BUT I'LL PUSH IT.
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OUR FIRST QUESTION ON THE
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CORONAVIRUS IS FOR PRESIDENT
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TRUMP.
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MORE THAN 40,000 AMERICANS ARE
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IN THE HOSPITAL TONIGHT WITH
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COVID.
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HOW WOULD YOU LEAD THE COUNTRY
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DURING THE NEXT STAGE OF THIS
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CRISIS?
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>> WHAT A NICE QUESTION.
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THANK YOU, HODA.
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CAN I JUST SAY, YOU'RE REALLY
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DOING A GREAT JOB.
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>> IT'S CREEPIER WHEN YOU'RE
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NICE, BUT THANK YOU.
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>> NO REALLY, YOU'RE TAKING VERY
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GOOD CARE OF US TONIGHT.
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NOW COULD YOU JUST TELL US THE
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SPECIALS, PLEASE.
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>> MR. TRUMP, I'M THE MODERATOR.
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I'M NOT YOUR WAITRESS.
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>> OKAY.
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JUST SOME WATERS, PLEASE.
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CORONAVIRUS, SO BORING, RIGHT?
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BUT WE'RE DOING TERRIFIC.
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WE'RE ROUNDING THE CORNER.
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IN FACT WE'VE ROUNDED SO MANY
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CORNERS WE'VE GONE ALL THE WAY
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AROUND THE BLOCK AND WE'RE BACK
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WHERE WE START IN MARCH.
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>> COME ON, MAN, WE'RE IN THE
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MIDDLE OF A THIRD WAVE.
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WHERE I COME FROM IF A GIRL GAVE
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YOU A THIRD WAVE, YOU WERE
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PRACTICALLY MARRIED.
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HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TIME
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IT IS.
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IT'S HALF PAST COME ON, MAN.
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>> NO, IT'S NOT A WAVE.
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IT'S NOT A WAVE.
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A WAVE GOES LIKE THIS.
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AND THIS IS GOING LIKE THIS.
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SURE, THERE'S BEEN A TINY
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CORONAVIRUS SPIKE IN FLORIDA AND
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A TEENSY SPIKE IN ARIZONA.
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AND A TUNESY WUNSEY ONE IN NORTH
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DAKOTA.
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A LOT OF PEOPLE DON'T KNOW THIS,
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BUT WE HAVE ANOTHER DAKOTA
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SOMEWHERE.
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>> JUST BREATHE, JOE.
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IF YOU DON'T BREATHE, YOU'LL
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DIE.
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>>IN JUST A COUPLE OF WEEKS, IF
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YOU VOTE FOR ME, THE VACCINE
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WILL BE HERE AND WILL BE
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DISTRIBUTED BY THE MILITARY.
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>> I'M SORRY.
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YOU SAID THE MILITARY WILL
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DISTRIBUTE THE VACCINE?
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>> THAT'S RIGHT, THE ARMY WILL
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COME AND SHOOT IT WITH A CANNON
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INTO YOUR FACE.
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LOOK, I HAD IT.
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IT WAS VERY MEAN TO ME, BUT I
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BEAT IT AND NOW DOCTORS SAY I
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CAN NEVER DIE.
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AND THE VIRUS SAID TO ME, SIR,
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I HAVE TO LEAVE YOUR BODY NOW.
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AND THE VIRUS WAS CRYING.
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VERY SAD.
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DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE MY BODY.
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THE POINT IS, WE'RE ALL LEARNING
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TO DEAL WITH IT.
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>> LEARNING TO LIVE WITH IT?
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WE'RE LEARNING TO DIE WITH IT,
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MAN!
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♪♪♪
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>> LOOKS LIKE MR. BIDEN IS SO
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MAD HE'S EASTWOODING IT A LITTLE
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BIT.
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>> THAT'S RIGHT.
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NOW I BELIEVE THE LITTLE LADY
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ASKED YOU ABOUT A PLAN.
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WHY DON'T YOU ENLIGHTEN US,
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PUNK?
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>> I HAVE A PLAN.
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IT'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PLAN
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YOU'VE EVER SEEN.
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>> YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A PLAN
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FOR ME.
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FIRST I'M CREEPY.
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THEN I'M SLEEPY.
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YOU SAY I HAVE DEMENTIA.
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THEN YOU SAY I'M A CRIMINAL
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MASTER MIND.
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WHICH ONE IS IT KIMO SABE.
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>> I CAN'T SHOW YOU BECAUSE IT'S
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BEING AUDITED ALONG WITH MY
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TAXES,
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WHICH I PREPAID JUST LIKE A DRUG
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DEALER'S PHONE.
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I TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY,
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EVEN THOUGH IT CAME FROM CHINA
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ON A PLANE PILOTED BY NANCY
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PELOSI FULL OF MEXICANS.
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SHOT DOWN ON HER WAY TO PEDO
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ISLAND.
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>> COME ON, AMERICA.
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I HATE THE CURSE IN FRONT OF A
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WOMAN, BUT THAT'S A BUNCH OF
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MALARKY.
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>> THAT'S OUR FIRST MALARKY.
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IF YOU'RE PLAYING BIDEN BINGO AT
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HOME, TAKE A SHOT.
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MR. PRESIDENT.
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>> THANK YOU, PADMA.
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LOOK, PEOPLE LOVE HOW I'VE
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HANDLED THE WU TANG VIRUS.
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IF HE WAS IN CHARGE WE'D ALL BE
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IN OUR BASEMENTS AND THAT'S
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WHERE THE HAUNTED ANNABELLE DOLL
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LIVES.
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A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE SAYING
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THAT'S A VERY SCARY DOLL.
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SHE'S SO SCARY.
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SOME ARE SAYING THAT'S THE MOST
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SCARY DOLL.
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AND THAT'S NOT COWARDLY.
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THAT'S JUST SMART, OKAY?
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WE CAN'T SPEND ALL DAY IN THE
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BASEMENT.
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WE'RE NOT ALL RICH LIKE JOE,
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WITH ALL THE MONEY YOU GOT FROM
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CHINA.
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>> LOOK AT ME.
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DO I LOOK REMOTELY RICH?
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IF I HAVE MONEY, WHERE AM I
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SPENDING IT?
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I LIVE IN DELAWARE.
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A NIGHT OUT IS $28.
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COME ON!
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I BOUGHT THIS SUIT ON A TRAIN.
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COME ON!
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IF I HAD $3 MILLION EXTRA WOULD
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I BE TAKING THE TRAIN TO WORK?
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NO!
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I'D BE PULLING UP TO THE CAPITAL
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DOME WITH A CANDY RED TRANS-AM
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AND KENNY LOGGINS PLAYING IN THE
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BACK.
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NOT A RECORDING, THE REAL
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KENNY LOGGINS.
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CAN I GET A COME ON?
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>> COME ON!
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THAT IS FUN.
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NOW, PRESIDENT TRUMP YOU SAID A
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VACCINE WOULD BE COMING WITHIN
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WEEKS.
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IS THAT TRUE?
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>> ANYTHING CAN BE WEEKS, OKAY?
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A MONTH IS FIVE WEEKS.
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BUT A YEAR IS 36 OR SOMETHING.
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BUT I GUARANTEE THE VACCINE IS
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COMING SOMEWHERE BETWEEN TWO AND
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700 WEEKS.
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OKAY?
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UNTIL THEN, WE HAVE TO WEAR THE
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STUPID MASKS AND THE LITTLE
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GOGGLES.
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AND WE'RE MAKING SO MANY
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VENTILATORS.
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I DON'T WANT TO GET EVERYBODY
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EXCITED, BUT IF I GET ELECTED I
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PROMISE EVERYONE IN AMERICA WILL
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BE ON A BIG BEAUTIFUL
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VENTILATOR.
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>> GREAT.
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THAT SEGUES TO HEALTHCARE IN A
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SCARY WAY.
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VICE PRESIDENT BIDEN, WHAT IS
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YOUR PLAN IF OBAMACARE IS STRUCK
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DOWN?
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>> I HAVE A PLAN.
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IT'S CALLED BIDEN CARE.
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IT'S LIKE OBAMACARE BUT BIDEN.
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IT MAY NOT TALK AS SMOOTH, IT
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MAY NEED A LITTLE BIT MORE
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SUNSCREEN THAN THE PREVIOUS
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MELANIN RICH PLAN, BUT DAMN IT,
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IT'S GOT HEART AND IT WORKS!
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>> MY PLAN IS PERFECT.
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IT'S A BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL
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PLAN.
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>> SHOW US THE PLAN.
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>> THIS PLAN IS AN L.A. 10.
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LARGE NATURALS, HIGH BOOTY, BAD
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ATTITUDE, BUT SHE CUTE.
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>> NOT A PLAN.
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NOT A PLAN.
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THAT'S A PLANLESS MAN.
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>> EXCUSE ME, I'D LOVE TO SHOW
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YOU THE PLAN, BUT I CAN'T,
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BECAUSE IT'S UNDER AUDIT LIKE MY
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TAXES.
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IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME YOU CAN
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TALK TO MY LAWYER, RUDY
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GIULIANI.
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>> WHAT, HUH?
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NO, NO, IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS
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LIKE.
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MY MICROPHONE WAS STUCK.
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ON MY BALLS.
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IS THIS ANOTHER BORAT?
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YOU GOT TELL ME IF IT'S A BORAT.
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>> YOU'RE IN TROUBLE NOW, BIDEN,
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BECAUSE RUDY'S GOT A LOT OF SANE
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AND COHERENT INFORMATION THAT
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LOOKS REALLY BAD FOR YOU JOE.
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>> TELL HIM, RUDY.
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>> GET READY FOR THIS TRUTH
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BOMB.
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YOUR SON HUNTER GOT $3 MILLION
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FROM MOSCOW, AND HIS FRIEND
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TONY -- HAS EMAILS
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ON THE WET LAPTOP FROM HELL AND
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OUR EYEWITNESS SAW EVERYTHING,
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AND ALSO, HE'S BLIND, SO --
266
00:08:06,279 --> 00:08:09,040
>> SEE?
267
00:08:06,279 --> 00:08:09,040
EVEN HIS NASTY SON IS CORRUPT.
268
00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:15,240
>> DON'T DO IT, JOE.
269
00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:15,240
DON'T RETALIATE, EVEN THOUGH HIS
270
00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:28,199
KIDS ARE A BUNCH OF
271
00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:28,199
CHARITY-SCAMMERS.
272
00:08:28,199 --> 00:08:30,170
>> MR. VICE PRESIDENT, WOULD YOU
273
00:08:28,199 --> 00:08:30,170
LIKE TO RESPOND?
274
00:08:30,170 --> 00:08:37,019
>> NO.
275
00:08:30,170 --> 00:08:37,019
>> VERY WELL.
276
00:08:37,019 --> 00:08:42,059
I'D LIKE TO MOVE ON TO RACE.
277
00:08:37,019 --> 00:08:42,059
>> THANK YOU, MINDY, I LOVE YOUR
278
00:08:42,059 --> 00:08:47,029
PROJECT.
279
00:08:42,059 --> 00:08:47,029
>> I'M THE LEAST RACIST PERSON
280
00:08:47,029 --> 00:08:50,279
IN THIS ROOM.
281
00:08:47,029 --> 00:08:50,279
I'VE DONE MORE FOR ANYBODY
282
00:08:50,279 --> 00:08:54,059
EXCEPT LINCOLN.
283
00:08:50,279 --> 00:08:54,059
BLACK PEOPLE LOVE HIS CARS.
284
00:08:54,059 --> 00:08:56,149
I SEE THEM DRIVING THEM ALL THE
285
00:08:54,059 --> 00:08:56,149
TIME.
286
00:08:56,149 --> 00:08:59,279
SOMETIMES THERE'S WHITE PEOPLE
287
00:08:56,149 --> 00:08:59,279
IN THE BACK, BUT NOT ALWAYS.
288
00:08:59,279 --> 00:09:02,110
THANK YOU.
289
00:08:59,279 --> 00:09:02,110
>> YOU THINK YOU'RE LINCOLN?
290
00:09:02,110 --> 00:09:05,090
BECAUSE HIS NICKNAME HAS THE
291
00:09:02,110 --> 00:09:05,090
WORD HONEST IN IT.
292
00:09:05,090 --> 00:09:08,059
>> AND MUTE.
293
00:09:05,090 --> 00:09:08,059
THAT IS ABOUT AS WELL AS THE
294
00:09:08,059 --> 00:09:25,139
RACE SECTION COULD HAVE GONE.
295
00:09:08,059 --> 00:09:25,139
I SAVED 60 SECONDS FOR THE
296
00:09:25,139 --> 00:09:26,100
CLIMATE.
297
00:09:25,139 --> 00:09:26,100
MR. VICE PRESIDENT?
298
00:09:26,100 --> 00:09:28,110
>> SINCE WE'RE HERE AND ALMOST
299
00:09:26,100 --> 00:09:28,110
OUT OF TIME, OIL NO, WIND YES,
300
00:09:28,110 --> 00:09:29,230
FRACKING, DEPENDS WHAT STATE I'M
301
00:09:28,110 --> 00:09:29,230
IN.
302
00:09:29,230 --> 00:09:31,110
>> THIS GUY AND HIS WIND.
303
00:09:29,230 --> 00:09:31,110
HE LOVES WIND.
304
00:09:31,110 --> 00:09:32,279
LOOK, I KNOW MORE ABOUT WIND
305
00:09:31,110 --> 00:09:32,279
THAN ANYONE.
306
00:09:32,279 --> 00:09:34,159
WIND KILLS ALL THE BIRDS.
307
00:09:32,279 --> 00:09:34,159
CHOPS THEM RIGHT UP.
308
00:09:34,159 --> 00:09:37,200
LIKE A MAGIC BULLET.
309
00:09:34,159 --> 00:09:37,200
IT TURNS THEM INTO BIRD
310
00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:40,250
SOMETIMES IT GETS REAL FAST INTO
311
00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:40,250
A TWISTER AND THROWS A COW RIGHT
312
00:09:40,250 --> 00:09:42,120
ON TOP OF HELEN HUNT.
313
00:09:40,250 --> 00:09:42,120
>> WOW, OKAY.
314
00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:46,039
THANK YOU MR. PRESIDENT FOR
315
00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:46,039
SHARING YOUR POEM ABOUT WIND.
316
00:09:46,039 --> 00:09:50,000
AT THIS POINT WE'VE COME TO OUR
317
00:09:46,039 --> 00:09:50,000
FINAL QUESTION, AND IT'S FOR
318
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:51,279
BOTH OF YOU.
319
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:51,279
I WANT TO YOU IMAGINE YOUR
320
00:09:51,279 --> 00:09:55,100
INAUGURATION DAY.
321
00:09:51,279 --> 00:09:55,100
WHAT WILL YOU SAY TO AMERICANS
322
00:09:55,100 --> 00:09:58,139
WHO DIDN'T VOTE FOR YOU?
323
00:09:55,100 --> 00:09:58,139
>> WELL, IF THEY DIDN'T VOTE FOR
324
00:09:58,139 --> 00:10:02,240
ME I GUESS I'D SAY HOLA.
325
00:09:58,139 --> 00:10:02,240
FOR THE REST I WOULD SAY, JUST
326
00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:10,009
REMEMBER HOW GOOD THINGS USED TO
327
00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:10,009
BE BACK BEFORE THE CHINA PLAGUE.
328
00:10:10,009 --> 00:10:12,129
WE HAD THE LOWEST UNEMPLOYMENT
329
00:10:10,009 --> 00:10:12,129
NUMBERS IN ALL CATEGORIES.
330
00:10:12,129 --> 00:10:20,179
BLACKS, ASIANS, LATINXS,
331
00:10:12,129 --> 00:10:20,179
BRUNETTES, MILFS, LGBTQ ANON.
332
00:10:20,179 --> 00:10:22,279
IN CONCLUSION, NEW YORK IS A
333
00:10:20,179 --> 00:10:22,279
GHOST TOWN.
334
00:10:22,279 --> 00:10:29,059
KIDS LOVE CAGES AND JOE BIDEN IS
335
00:10:22,279 --> 00:10:29,059
FROM KENYA, THANK YOU.
336
00:10:29,059 --> 00:10:32,009
>> MR. VICE PRESIDENT, YOUR
337
00:10:29,059 --> 00:10:32,009
TURN.
338
00:10:32,009 --> 00:10:34,129
>> LOOK, EVERYBODY.
339
00:10:32,009 --> 00:10:34,129
YOU KNOW WHO HE IS AND YOU KNOW
340
00:10:34,129 --> 00:10:37,100
WHO I AM.
341
00:10:34,129 --> 00:10:37,100
I'M GOOD OLD JOE.
342
00:10:37,100 --> 00:10:40,250
I'M RELIABLE AS A ROCK.
343
00:10:37,100 --> 00:10:40,250
I'VE GOT A FIVE-STAR SAFETY
344
00:10:40,250 --> 00:10:44,289
RATING AND I'M RANKED BEST
345
00:10:40,250 --> 00:10:44,289
MIDSIZE IN MY CLASS BY J.D.
346
00:10:44,289 --> 00:10:49,149
POWER AND ASSOCIATES.
347
00:10:44,289 --> 00:10:49,149
I DON'T HAVE A GOLDEN TOILET
348
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:54,059
SEAT.
349
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:54,059
I HAVE A SOFT, SPONGY ONE
350
00:10:54,059 --> 00:10:58,169
THAT HISSES WHENEVER I PARK MY
351
00:10:54,059 --> 00:10:58,169
KEISTER.
352
00:10:58,169 --> 00:11:03,230
I TAKE TRAINS AND I DON'T SEE
353
00:10:58,169 --> 00:11:03,230
ANY TRAINS IN SIGHT.
354
00:11:03,230 --> 00:11:08,000
THAT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IS
355
00:11:03,230 --> 00:11:08,000
MALARKY.
356
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:12,179
>> WITH THAT MALARKY, THAT'S
357
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:12,179
BINGO AND I AM DRUNK.
358
00:11:12,179 --> 00:11:17,110
GOOD LUCK, AMERICA.
359
00:11:12,179 --> 00:11:17,110
AND WITH THAT, LIVE FROM NEW
360
00:11:17,110 --> 00:11:21,220
YORK.
361
00:11:17,110 --> 00:11:21,220
>> IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!
362
00:11:21,220 --> 00:11:23,059
♪♪♪
363
00:11:21,220 --> 00:11:23,059
>> Announcer: IT'S "SATURDAY
364
00:11:23,059 --> 00:13:13,200
NIGHT LIVE"!
365
00:11:23,059 --> 00:13:13,200
WITH--
366
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:17,100
MUSICAL GUEST --
367
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:17,100
H.E.R.
368
00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:21,070
AND YOUR HOST --
369
00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:21,070
ADELE.
370
00:13:21,070 --> 00:13:27,169
♪♪♪
371
00:13:21,070 --> 00:13:27,169
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN --
372
00:13:27,169 --> 00:13:48,090
ADELE.
373
00:13:27,169 --> 00:13:48,090
♪♪♪
374
00:13:48,090 --> 00:13:50,139
>>> THANK YOU.
375
00:13:48,090 --> 00:13:50,139
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
376
00:13:50,139 --> 00:14:00,059
GOOD EVENING AND WELCOME TO
377
00:13:50,139 --> 00:14:00,059
"SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE."
378
00:14:00,059 --> 00:14:05,259
IT'S ME, AND MY GOD, I'M
379
00:14:00,059 --> 00:14:05,259
ABSOLUTELY THRILLED TO FINALLY
380
00:14:05,259 --> 00:14:08,139
BE HOSTING THIS SHOW.
381
00:14:05,259 --> 00:14:08,139
A SHOW THAT NOT ONLY DO I
382
00:14:08,139 --> 00:14:12,200
GENUINELY LOVE, BUT THE SHOW
383
00:14:08,139 --> 00:14:12,200
THAT BROKE MY CAREER HERE IN
384
00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:16,279
AMERICA 12 VERY LONG YEARS AGO.
385
00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:16,279
SEE, I WAS A MUSICAL GUEST BACK
386
00:14:16,279 --> 00:14:23,070
IN 2008 WHEN SARAH PALIN CAME ON
387
00:14:16,279 --> 00:14:23,070
WITH MS. TINA FEY.
388
00:14:23,070 --> 00:14:27,100
SO OBVIOUSLY A FEW MILLION
389
00:14:23,070 --> 00:14:27,100
PEOPLE TUNED IN TO WATCH IT AND
390
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:31,000
THE REST IS HISTORY.
391
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:31,000
NOW, I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT
392
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:35,120
AMERICAN POLITICS.
393
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:35,120
I'M BRITISH, YOU KNOW?
394
00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:40,029
AND I DON'T WANT TO SAY ANYTHING
395
00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:40,029
TOO POLITICAL, SO I'LL JUST SAY
396
00:14:40,029 --> 00:14:45,169
THIS SARAH PAIL LISTEN, THANKS.
397
00:14:40,029 --> 00:14:45,169
I KNOW THERE'S A LOT OF CHAT
398
00:14:45,169 --> 00:14:52,080
ABOUT ME BEING THE HOST.
399
00:14:45,169 --> 00:14:52,080
WHY IS SHE NOT THE MUSICAL
400
00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:54,120
GUEST.
401
00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:54,120
I'M TOO SCARED TO DO BOTH.
402
00:14:54,120 --> 00:15:01,149
I'D RATHER PUT ON WIGS --S THIS
403
00:14:54,120 --> 00:15:01,149
ALL MINE, BY THE WAY, HAVE A
404
00:15:01,149 --> 00:15:03,049
GLASS OF WINE OR SIX AND SEE
405
00:15:01,149 --> 00:15:03,049
WHAT HAPPENS.
406
00:15:03,049 --> 00:15:08,100
I KNOW I LOOK DIFFERENT THAN
407
00:15:03,049 --> 00:15:08,100
WHEN YOU LAST SAW ME, BUT
408
00:15:08,100 --> 00:15:12,009
BECAUSE OF THE COVID
409
00:15:08,100 --> 00:15:12,009
RESTRICTIONS I HAD TO TRAVEL
410
00:15:12,009 --> 00:15:17,279
LIGHT AND BRING ONLY HALF WITH
411
00:15:12,009 --> 00:15:17,279
ME, SO THIS IS THE HALF I CHOSE.
412
00:15:17,279 --> 00:15:20,019
I'M NERVOUS.
413
00:15:17,279 --> 00:15:20,019
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M LIKE.
414
00:15:20,019 --> 00:15:24,039
I ALWAYS GET VERY NERVOUS ON
415
00:15:20,019 --> 00:15:24,039
LIVE TV BUT TONIGHT ESPECIALLY
416
00:15:24,039 --> 00:15:36,080
SO BECAUSE I SWEAR A LOT.
417
00:15:24,039 --> 00:15:36,080
LIKE A LOT A LOT.
418
00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:41,129
LAST TIME I WAS PLAYING GLASS
419
00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:41,129
TON BURY AND THIS IS WHAT
420
00:15:41,129 --> 00:15:42,250
HAPPENED.
421
00:15:41,129 --> 00:15:42,250
>> THIS IS THE BEST [ BLEEP ]
422
00:15:42,250 --> 00:15:49,190
MOMENT OF MY LIFE.
423
00:15:42,250 --> 00:15:49,190
IF ANY OF YOU
424
00:15:49,190 --> 00:15:52,100
[ BLEEP ]-[ BLEEP ]
425
00:15:49,190 --> 00:15:52,100
[ BLEEP ].
426
00:15:52,100 --> 00:16:02,000
>> HONESTLY I DON'T NOTICE I'M
427
00:15:52,100 --> 00:16:02,000
DOING IT ANYMORE.
428
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:03,139
BUT TONIGHT, WE'VE GOT A SWEAR
429
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:03,139
JAR.
430
00:16:03,139 --> 00:16:06,190
LET'S CHECK IN ON THAT.
431
00:16:03,139 --> 00:16:06,190
KEENAN, WHERE WE AT?
432
00:16:06,190 --> 00:16:08,080
>> UH, GETTING PRETTY FULL,
433
00:16:06,190 --> 00:16:08,080
ADELE.
434
00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:11,000
THIS IS JUST FROM WHEN YOU SAID
435
00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:11,000
HI TO ME BACKSTAGE.
436
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:12,049
>> OH, WOW.
437
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:12,049
SORRY.
438
00:16:12,049 --> 00:16:16,149
LET'S MAKE SURE THAT ALL GOES TO
439
00:16:12,049 --> 00:16:16,149
CHARITY.
440
00:16:16,149 --> 00:16:21,190
>> OH, DAMN.
441
00:16:16,149 --> 00:16:21,190
WHAT WOULD WE DO WITHOUT ADELE?
442
00:16:21,190 --> 00:16:27,159
>> BEFORE WE REALLY START TO
443
00:16:21,190 --> 00:16:27,159
SHOW, I WANT TO SAY A GENUINE
444
00:16:27,159 --> 00:16:30,220
AND SINCERE THANK YOU TO THE
445
00:16:27,159 --> 00:16:30,220
FRONT LINE WORKERS WHO ARE DOWN
446
00:16:30,220 --> 00:16:37,279
HERE IN THE AUDIENCE.
447
00:16:30,220 --> 00:16:37,279
THEY SAY THAT ONCE YOU HAVE BEEN
448
00:16:37,279 --> 00:16:42,200
TO NEW YORK YOU KEEP PIECE OF IT
449
00:16:37,279 --> 00:16:42,200
IN OUR HEART FOREVER.
450
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:47,269
SO I GIVE IT UP TO YOU AND YOU
451
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:47,269
GIVE IT UP TO YOURSELVES AS
452
00:16:47,269 --> 00:16:49,169
WELL.
453
00:16:47,269 --> 00:16:49,169
RIGHT, WHETHER YOU'RE HERE IN
454
00:16:49,169 --> 00:16:53,279
THE STUDIO OR WATCHING AT HOME,
455
00:16:49,169 --> 00:16:53,279
WE'RE GOING TO BE TOGETHER FOR
456
00:16:53,279 --> 00:16:56,110
AN HOUR AND A HALF, SO
457
00:16:53,279 --> 00:16:56,110
I REALLY HOPE YOU GET AS MUCH
458
00:16:56,110 --> 00:16:59,159
JOY OUT OF THIS AS WE GOT
459
00:16:56,110 --> 00:16:59,159
PUTTING IT TOGETHER FOR YOU.
460
00:16:59,159 --> 00:17:03,000
WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW.
461
00:16:59,159 --> 00:17:03,000
H.E.R. IS HERE
462
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:13,230
SO STICK AROUND WE'LL BE
463
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:13,230
RIGHT BACK
464
00:17:13,230 --> 00:17:16,279
>>> OH, MY GOD, THIS PLACE IS SO
465
00:17:13,230 --> 00:17:16,279
COOL.
466
00:17:16,279 --> 00:17:21,039
>> I KNOW, I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO
467
00:17:16,279 --> 00:17:21,039
GET A PSYCHIC READING.
468
00:17:21,039 --> 00:17:23,160
>> OH, MY GOD, IS ANYONE HERE?
469
00:17:21,039 --> 00:17:23,160
I REALLY WANT TO GET ONE.
470
00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:27,109
>> YOU WANT TO SEE THE FUTURE?
471
00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:27,109
SIT, AND I WILL TELL YOU WHAT
472
00:17:27,109 --> 00:17:31,180
LIES AHEAD.
473
00:17:27,109 --> 00:17:31,180
FOR MADAME VIVELDA KNOWS ALL.
474
00:17:31,180 --> 00:17:33,059
>> OH, YES.
475
00:17:31,180 --> 00:17:33,059
THAT WOULD BE GREAT.
476
00:17:33,059 --> 00:17:36,099
>> YEAH, THIS YEAR HAS BEEN SO
477
00:17:33,059 --> 00:17:36,099
INSANE AND HARD.
478
00:17:36,099 --> 00:17:40,059
WE KIND OF WANT TO SKIP AHEAD
479
00:17:36,099 --> 00:17:40,059
AND JUST SEE WHAT NEXT YEAR
480
00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:42,200
HOLDS INSTEAD.
481
00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:42,200
>> YEAH, 2019 HAS SUCKED!
482
00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:45,099
BUT I THINK 2020 IS GOING TO BE
483
00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:45,099
OUR YEAR.
484
00:17:45,099 --> 00:17:52,000
>> TOTALLY.
485
00:17:45,099 --> 00:17:52,000
>> OH, YES.
486
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:53,150
OKAY, WHO WANTS TO GO FIRST?
487
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:53,150
>> I'LL GO.
488
00:17:53,150 --> 00:17:57,059
MADAME VIVELDA, THINGS ARE
489
00:17:53,150 --> 00:17:57,059
GETTING KIND OF SERIOUS WITH MY
490
00:17:57,059 --> 00:18:00,099
BOYFRIEND, AND I'M CURIOUS IF
491
00:17:57,059 --> 00:18:00,099
YOU SEE US MOVING IN TOGETHER
492
00:18:00,099 --> 00:18:05,130
NEXT YEAR.
493
00:18:00,099 --> 00:18:05,130
>> HMM, OKAY.
494
00:18:05,130 --> 00:18:09,220
LET ME SEE.
495
00:18:05,130 --> 00:18:09,220
LET ME LOOK.
496
00:18:09,220 --> 00:18:12,230
OKAY.
497
00:18:09,220 --> 00:18:12,230
YES, YES.
498
00:18:12,230 --> 00:18:15,180
YES I SEE YOU.
499
00:18:12,230 --> 00:18:15,180
YOU ARE IN YOUR HOME.
500
00:18:15,180 --> 00:18:19,269
AND YOUR BOYFRIEND IS THERE.
501
00:18:15,180 --> 00:18:19,269
YES, YOU ARE IN THE HOME YOU
502
00:18:19,269 --> 00:18:24,049
SHARE TOGETHER.
503
00:18:19,269 --> 00:18:24,049
YES, I SEE HIM, HE'S WASHING A
504
00:18:24,049 --> 00:18:29,079
BAG OF DORITOS WITH SOAP.
505
00:18:24,049 --> 00:18:29,079
AND YOU ARE SCREAMING AT HIM.
506
00:18:29,079 --> 00:18:33,150
YOU ARE CRYING.
507
00:18:29,079 --> 00:18:33,150
YOU ARE SCREAMING, THAT'S NOT
508
00:18:33,150 --> 00:18:36,029
ENOUGH SOAP.
509
00:18:33,150 --> 00:18:36,029
YOU NEED TO USE MORE SOAP.
510
00:18:36,029 --> 00:18:38,069
I DON'T WANT TO GET IT FROM A
511
00:18:36,029 --> 00:18:38,069
BAG OF CHIPS.
512
00:18:38,069 --> 00:18:42,130
>> WHAT?
513
00:18:38,069 --> 00:18:42,130
GET WHAT FROM CHIPS?
514
00:18:42,130 --> 00:18:45,269
>> THE VISION IS GONE.
515
00:18:42,130 --> 00:18:45,269
WHO WANTS TO GO NEXT?
516
00:18:45,269 --> 00:18:47,279
KNOW WHY I'M WASHING CHIPS NEXT
517
00:18:45,269 --> 00:18:47,279
YEAR.
518
00:18:47,279 --> 00:18:54,079
>> MADAME VIVELDA, I'LL GO.
519
00:18:47,279 --> 00:18:54,079
I'M UP FOR A BIG PROMOTION IN
520
00:18:54,079 --> 00:18:56,029
MARCH AND I'M WONDERING IF YOU
521
00:18:54,079 --> 00:18:56,029
SEE ANYTHING WORK RELATED FOR ME
522
00:18:56,029 --> 00:19:00,230
NEXT YEAR.
523
00:18:56,029 --> 00:19:00,230
>> OKAY.
524
00:19:00,230 --> 00:19:02,269
NO, I DON'T SEE WORK.
525
00:19:00,230 --> 00:19:02,269
I SEE YOU ON THE PHONE WITH A
526
00:19:02,269 --> 00:19:08,170
MAN FROM FEDEX.
527
00:19:02,269 --> 00:19:08,170
AND YOU ARE CRYING.
528
00:19:08,170 --> 00:19:15,220
YOU ARE SAYING, WHERE IS MY
529
00:19:08,170 --> 00:19:15,220
ADULT COLORING BOOK?
530
00:19:15,220 --> 00:19:17,039
I NEED MY ADULT COLORING BOOK.
531
00:19:15,220 --> 00:19:17,039
>> WAIT, ANNIE, DO YOU COLOR?
532
00:19:17,039 --> 00:19:19,059
>> NO, OF COURSE I DON'T COLOR.
533
00:19:17,039 --> 00:19:19,059
>> IT'S OKAY IF YOU DO.
534
00:19:19,059 --> 00:19:24,099
>> I DON'T COLOR!
535
00:19:19,059 --> 00:19:24,099
HER PSYCHIC VISION MUST BE OFF.
536
00:19:24,099 --> 00:19:29,049
THIS ISN'T LIKE ME.
537
00:19:24,099 --> 00:19:29,049
I WANT TO GO TO MUSEUMS AND
538
00:19:29,049 --> 00:19:30,180
CONCERTS AND STUFF LIKE THAT.
539
00:19:29,049 --> 00:19:30,180
>> I DON'T SEE ANY CONCERTS IN
540
00:19:30,180 --> 00:19:32,069
2020.
541
00:19:30,180 --> 00:19:32,069
ONLY COLORING.
542
00:19:32,069 --> 00:19:38,269
MONDAY, COLORING.
543
00:19:32,069 --> 00:19:38,269
TUESDAY, COLORING.
544
00:19:38,269 --> 00:19:51,029
ALL THE DAYS, COLORING.
545
00:19:38,269 --> 00:19:51,029
HA HA HA!
546
00:19:51,029 --> 00:19:52,190
OKAY, WHO'S NEXT?
547
00:19:51,029 --> 00:19:52,190
>> UM, I GUESS ME, BUT I DON'T
548
00:19:52,190 --> 00:19:55,119
KNOW IF I WANT TO GO ANYMORE.
549
00:19:52,190 --> 00:19:55,119
>> NO, NO, YOU GIVE ME YOUR
550
00:19:55,119 --> 00:19:57,119
PALM.
551
00:19:55,119 --> 00:19:57,119
I SENSE A LOT OF FUN TRAVEL IN
552
00:19:57,119 --> 00:19:58,289
YOUR FUTURE.
553
00:19:57,119 --> 00:19:58,289
>> YOU DO?
554
00:19:58,289 --> 00:20:00,160
OKAY, GOOD.
555
00:19:58,289 --> 00:20:00,160
ACTUALLY, ME AND MY BOYFRIEND
556
00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:02,210
ARE PLANNING TO FLY TO PARIS IN
557
00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:02,210
MAY.
558
00:20:02,210 --> 00:20:09,119
>> OH, THAT'S FUN.
559
00:20:02,210 --> 00:20:09,119
BUT NO, I DON'T SEE
560
00:20:09,119 --> 00:20:14,089
YOU FLYING TO PARIS.
561
00:20:09,119 --> 00:20:14,089
I SEE YOU DRIVING TO KENTUCKY,
562
00:20:14,089 --> 00:20:17,089
YES.
563
00:20:14,089 --> 00:20:17,089
AND YOU ARE PEEING IN A BAG IN
564
00:20:17,089 --> 00:20:22,279
THE CAR BECAUSE YOU ARE AFRAID
565
00:20:17,089 --> 00:20:22,279
TO USE THE GAS STATION BATHROOM.
566
00:20:22,279 --> 00:20:24,279
YOU PEE IN THE BAG AND THEN HE
567
00:20:22,279 --> 00:20:24,279
PEES IN THE BAG, AND ON AND ON
568
00:20:24,279 --> 00:20:26,029
UNTIL KENTUCKY!
569
00:20:24,279 --> 00:20:26,029
>> WAIT, WHY DOES HE GO TO
570
00:20:26,029 --> 00:20:28,019
KENTUCKY?
571
00:20:26,029 --> 00:20:28,019
>> YEAH, WHAT DO WE DO IN
572
00:20:28,019 --> 00:20:31,220
KENTUCKY?
573
00:20:28,019 --> 00:20:31,220
>> OKAY, LET'S SEE.
574
00:20:31,220 --> 00:20:34,059
YES, YES.
575
00:20:31,220 --> 00:20:34,059
OKAY, ON THE FIRST DAY, YOU
576
00:20:34,059 --> 00:20:39,130
NOTICE A SMALL RASH ON YOUR
577
00:20:34,059 --> 00:20:39,130
FINGER, AND YOU SPEND THE DAY
578
00:20:39,130 --> 00:20:43,089
CRYING AND GOOGLING, IS RASH AND
579
00:20:39,130 --> 00:20:43,089
FINGER PART OF IT?
580
00:20:43,089 --> 00:20:47,089
>> PART OF WHAT?
581
00:20:43,089 --> 00:20:47,089
>> OH, MY GOSH.
582
00:20:47,089 --> 00:20:49,069
ALL OF YOUR VISIONS MENTION US
583
00:20:47,089 --> 00:20:49,069
CRYING.
584
00:20:49,069 --> 00:20:50,250
DO WE ALL JUST CRY FOR 2020?
585
00:20:49,069 --> 00:20:50,250
>> NO, NOT ALWAYS.
586
00:20:50,250 --> 00:20:53,150
I CAN SEE YOU ON YOUR BIRTHDAY
587
00:20:50,250 --> 00:20:53,150
AND YOU ARE VERY HAPPY.
588
00:20:53,150 --> 00:20:58,160
YOU GET EVERYTHING YOU ASK FOR.
589
00:20:53,150 --> 00:20:58,160
>> I DO?
590
00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:00,019
WHAT DO I ASK FOR?
591
00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:00,019
>> STAMPS.
592
00:21:00,019 --> 00:21:03,240
YOU ASK EVERYONE IN YOUR LIFE TO
593
00:21:00,019 --> 00:21:03,240
BUY STAMPS, AND THEY DO.
594
00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:06,279
THEY ALL BUY THE STAMPS.
595
00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:06,279
AND YOU SAY, TAKE THAT,
596
00:21:06,279 --> 00:21:11,069
POSTMASTER GENERAL LOUIS DEJOY!
597
00:21:06,279 --> 00:21:11,069
>> WHAT?
598
00:21:11,069 --> 00:21:15,160
WHY DO I KNOW THE FULL NAME OF
599
00:21:11,069 --> 00:21:15,160
THE POSTMASTER GENERAL IN 2020?
600
00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:21,089
>> GIRLS, LISTEN, I KNOW A LOT
601
00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:21,089
OF THIS SOUNDS SCARY, BUT AT
602
00:21:21,089 --> 00:21:27,009
LEAST WE ALL HAVE EACH OTHER
603
00:21:21,089 --> 00:21:27,009
IN 2020, RIGHT?
604
00:21:27,009 --> 00:21:28,210
>> OH, NO, MY POOR SPENCER, NO.
605
00:21:27,009 --> 00:21:28,210
NO YOU WON'T.
606
00:21:28,210 --> 00:21:30,240
BECAUSE IN JUNE YOU WILL DO
607
00:21:28,210 --> 00:21:30,240
SOMETHING SO TERRIBLE, YOUR
608
00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:33,269
FRIENDS WILL NEVER SPEAK TO YOU
609
00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:33,269
AGAIN.
610
00:21:33,269 --> 00:21:39,009
>> OH, MY GOD, WHAT DO I DO?
611
00:21:33,269 --> 00:21:39,009
>> YOU EAT INSIDE A RESTAURANT.
612
00:21:39,009 --> 00:21:42,029
>> THAT'S IT?
613
00:21:39,009 --> 00:21:42,029
>> HE JUST EATS IN A RESTAURANT,
614
00:21:42,029 --> 00:21:48,210
AND WE CUT HIM OUT OF OUR LIVES
615
00:21:42,029 --> 00:21:48,210
COMPLETELY?
616
00:21:48,210 --> 00:21:50,250
>> EXACTLY.
617
00:21:48,210 --> 00:21:50,250
>> OKAY, WELL, I DON'T KNOW WHY
618
00:21:50,250 --> 00:21:53,250
IT'S BAD, BUT I'M SO SORRY I DO
619
00:21:50,250 --> 00:21:53,250
THAT, GIRLS.
620
00:21:53,250 --> 00:21:56,259
>> NO, WE'RE SORRY.
621
00:21:53,250 --> 00:21:56,259
>> NO, NO!
622
00:21:56,259 --> 00:22:00,019
WHAT IS THIS?
623
00:21:56,259 --> 00:22:00,019
I'M SEEING ONE FINAL VISION, AND
624
00:22:00,019 --> 00:22:06,079
IT IS VERY DARK.
625
00:22:00,019 --> 00:22:06,079
WHO HERE IS TIFFANY TUBEN?
626
00:22:06,079 --> 00:22:08,160
>> I AM.
627
00:22:06,079 --> 00:22:08,160
>> YES.
628
00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:13,039
I AM SEEING YOUR FATHER,
629
00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:13,039
TIFFANY.
630
00:22:13,039 --> 00:22:18,059
AND HE IS ON A ZOOM, AND HIS
631
00:22:13,039 --> 00:22:18,059
WEINER'S OUT ON THE ZOOM.
632
00:22:18,059 --> 00:22:21,039
>> WHAT?
633
00:22:18,059 --> 00:22:21,039
WHAT EVEN IS A ZOOM?
634
00:22:21,039 --> 00:22:23,039
>> I DO NOT KNOW, BUT YOUR
635
00:22:21,039 --> 00:22:23,039
FATHER IS DEFINITELY ON IT, AND
636
00:22:23,039 --> 00:22:25,230
HIS WEINER IS DEFINITELY OUT.
637
00:22:23,039 --> 00:22:25,230
AND IT'S NOT A GREAT WEINER,
638
00:22:25,230 --> 00:22:31,170
TIFFANY.
639
00:22:25,230 --> 00:22:31,170
NO, ACTUALLY, IT'S GETTING
640
00:22:31,170 --> 00:22:32,210
HARDER.
641
00:22:31,170 --> 00:22:32,210
IT'S ACTUALLY FINE.
642
00:22:32,210 --> 00:22:36,180
>> OKAY, THIS IS TOO MUCH.
643
00:22:32,210 --> 00:22:36,180
>> OKAY, BUT GIRLS, DO ME A
644
00:22:36,180 --> 00:22:38,250
FAVOR.
645
00:22:36,180 --> 00:22:38,250
IF ANY OF YOU SEE JK ROWELLING,
646
00:22:38,250 --> 00:22:43,259
PLEASE TELL HER, STICK TO THE
647
00:22:38,250 --> 00:22:43,259
BOOKS!
648
00:22:43,259 --> 00:22:45,089
♪♪♪
649
00:22:50,160 --> 00:23:15,119
♪♪♪
650
00:22:50,160 --> 00:23:15,119
>> HELLO?
651
00:23:15,119 --> 00:23:21,069
>> WHO ARE YOU?
652
00:23:15,119 --> 00:23:21,069
>> CHAD.
653
00:23:21,069 --> 00:23:26,170
>> WELCOME, CHAD.
654
00:23:21,069 --> 00:23:26,170
WHY DON'T YOU STAY A WHILE?
655
00:23:26,170 --> 00:23:30,140
>> OKAY.
656
00:23:26,170 --> 00:23:30,140
>> GO TO THE LIGHT SO I MAY SEE
657
00:23:30,140 --> 00:23:37,039
YOU BETTER.
658
00:23:30,140 --> 00:23:37,039
>> OKAY.
659
00:23:37,039 --> 00:23:41,109
>> HELLO, CHAD.
660
00:23:37,039 --> 00:23:41,109
>> WHAT UP?
661
00:23:41,109 --> 00:23:45,180
>> FORGIVE MY APPEARANCE.
662
00:23:41,109 --> 00:23:45,180
YEARS AGO, I HAD A LITTLE
663
00:23:45,180 --> 00:23:51,289
ACCIDENT.
664
00:23:45,180 --> 00:23:51,289
>> OH, NO, YOUR NECK.
665
00:23:51,289 --> 00:23:55,049
>> YES, I'M AFRAID IT'S QUITE
666
00:23:51,289 --> 00:23:55,049
THE GASH.
667
00:23:55,049 --> 00:23:58,259
>> GASH.
668
00:23:55,049 --> 00:23:58,259
>> YOU'RE NOT AFRAID?
669
00:23:58,259 --> 00:24:03,180
>> NO.
670
00:23:58,259 --> 00:24:03,180
>> FOLLOW ME.
671
00:24:03,180 --> 00:24:05,049
THERE'S SOMETHING I WANT TO SHOW
672
00:24:03,180 --> 00:24:05,049
YOU.
673
00:24:05,049 --> 00:24:07,089
>> OKAY.
674
00:24:05,049 --> 00:24:07,089
>> THEY ALL SAID THAT MY DEATH
675
00:24:07,089 --> 00:24:08,259
WAS SUICIDE, THAT I SLIT MY OWN
676
00:24:07,089 --> 00:24:08,259
THROAT.
677
00:24:08,259 --> 00:24:13,029
>> OH, NO.
678
00:24:08,259 --> 00:24:13,029
>> BUT IT WASN'T SUICIDE, CHAD.
679
00:24:13,029 --> 00:24:16,079
IT WAS MURDER!
680
00:24:13,029 --> 00:24:16,079
CHAD?
681
00:24:16,079 --> 00:24:30,170
>> TAKING A PISS.
682
00:24:16,079 --> 00:24:30,170
SAFETY.
683
00:24:30,170 --> 00:24:34,079
>> AS I WAS SAYING, I WAS
684
00:24:30,170 --> 00:24:34,079
MURDERED BY MY HUSBAND, AND THE
685
00:24:34,079 --> 00:24:41,039
PROOF IS IN THERE.
686
00:24:34,079 --> 00:24:41,039
>> OKAY.
687
00:24:41,039 --> 00:24:43,079
>> AH, THE LIBRARY.
688
00:24:41,039 --> 00:24:43,079
OH, HOW I LOVE TO READ.
689
00:24:43,079 --> 00:24:45,119
DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE BOOK,
690
00:24:43,079 --> 00:24:45,119
CHAD?
691
00:24:45,119 --> 00:24:46,279
>> "WHERE'S WALDO," THE YELLOW
692
00:24:45,119 --> 00:24:46,279
ONE.
693
00:24:46,279 --> 00:24:48,160
>> I'M NOT FAMILIAR.
694
00:24:46,279 --> 00:24:48,160
WHO'S THE AUTHOR?
695
00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:52,069
>> WALDO.
696
00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:52,069
>> THERE ON THE DESK YOU'LL FIND
697
00:24:52,069 --> 00:24:55,279
A LETTER FROM MY HUSBAND.
698
00:24:52,069 --> 00:24:55,279
READ IT.
699
00:24:55,279 --> 00:24:58,170
THAT LETTER IS MORE DEAR TO ME
700
00:24:55,279 --> 00:24:58,170
THAN YOU KNOW.
701
00:24:58,170 --> 00:25:01,059
AS YOU CAN SEE, IT CLEARLY
702
00:24:58,170 --> 00:25:01,059
PROVES THAT MY HUSBAND MURDERED
703
00:25:01,059 --> 00:25:04,279
ME FOR MY INHERITANCE.
704
00:25:01,059 --> 00:25:04,279
AND WHEN THE PUBLIC READS IT,
705
00:25:04,279 --> 00:25:07,170
THE TRUTH WILL BE KNOWN AND I
706
00:25:04,279 --> 00:25:07,170
CAN FINALLY CROSS OVER TO THE
707
00:25:07,170 --> 00:25:15,130
AFTERLIFE.
708
00:25:07,170 --> 00:25:15,130
>> OKAY.
709
00:25:15,130 --> 00:25:17,170
>>I SEE YOU'RE LOOKING AT MY
710
00:25:15,130 --> 00:25:17,170
PORTRAIT.
711
00:25:17,170 --> 00:25:25,039
TELL ME, CHAD, WHAT DO YOU SEE?
712
00:25:17,170 --> 00:25:25,039
>> TIG OLD BITTIES.
713
00:25:25,039 --> 00:25:28,069
>> I HAVE BEEN -- I SEE A WOMAN
714
00:25:25,039 --> 00:25:28,069
TRAPPED IN A LOVELESS MARRIAGE.
715
00:25:28,069 --> 00:25:31,130
EVEN NOW I YEARN FOR THE TENDER
716
00:25:28,069 --> 00:25:31,130
KISS OF TRUE LOVE.
717
00:25:31,130 --> 00:25:35,049
OH, MY GOD.
718
00:25:31,130 --> 00:25:35,049
CHAD, ARE YOU OKAY?
719
00:25:35,049 --> 00:25:38,250
>> YEAH.
720
00:25:35,049 --> 00:25:38,250
>> GOOD.
721
00:25:38,250 --> 00:25:41,150
NOW GO AND MAKE MY TRUTH BE
722
00:25:38,250 --> 00:25:41,150
KNOWN.
723
00:25:41,150 --> 00:25:46,240
BUT BE WARNED, IF YOU FAIL ME,
724
00:25:41,150 --> 00:25:46,240
I WILL BE MOST DISPLEASED.
725
00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:53,039
>> OKAY.
726
00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:53,039
>> AND, CHAD?
727
00:25:53,039 --> 00:26:03,049
THANK YOU.
728
00:25:53,039 --> 00:26:03,049
>> NO DOUBT.
729
00:26:03,049 --> 00:26:09,059
>> OH, FOR [ BLEEP ] SAKE!
730
00:26:03,049 --> 00:26:09,059
>> OKAY.
731
00:26:09,059 --> 00:26:12,109
>>> TONIGHT ON ABC, IT'S A
732
00:26:09,059 --> 00:26:12,109
SPECIAL BONUS SEASON OF
733
00:26:12,109 --> 00:26:15,000
"THE BACHELOR," AND THIS TIME
734
00:26:12,109 --> 00:26:15,000
HE'S 5'11" --
735
00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:16,180
AND A HALF.
736
00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:16,180
>> HEY THERE.
737
00:26:16,180 --> 00:26:19,069
I'M BEN K.
738
00:26:16,180 --> 00:26:19,069
WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL, I
739
00:26:19,069 --> 00:26:22,119
THREW A SHOPPING CART AT A GAY
740
00:26:19,069 --> 00:26:22,119
KID'S HEAD, BUT NOW I'M HERE,
741
00:26:22,119 --> 00:26:27,099
READY TO FIND LOVE.
742
00:26:22,119 --> 00:26:27,099
AND THERE ARE SO MANY INCREDIBLE
743
00:26:27,099 --> 00:26:29,240
GIRLS TO CHOOSE FROM.
744
00:26:27,099 --> 00:26:29,240
>> HI, I'M HANNAH C.
745
00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:31,170
I'M TWENTY AND I HAVE THE OLDEST
746
00:26:29,240 --> 00:26:31,170
FACE FOR A YOUNG PERSON YOU'LL
747
00:26:31,170 --> 00:26:37,210
EVER SEE.
748
00:26:31,170 --> 00:26:37,210
>> HEY, I'M HANNAH ALEXIS C.
749
00:26:37,210 --> 00:26:39,089
I'M 21, AND NEXT YEAR I'LL BE
750
00:26:37,210 --> 00:26:39,089
22.
751
00:26:39,089 --> 00:26:41,130
>> HI, I'M ADELE ADKINS.
752
00:26:39,089 --> 00:26:41,130
I'M 32.
753
00:26:41,130 --> 00:26:45,049
YOU MAY KNOW ME FROM BEING THE
754
00:26:41,130 --> 00:26:45,049
SINGER, ADELE.
755
00:26:45,049 --> 00:26:47,079
I'M HERE BECAUSE I'VE HAD A LOT
756
00:26:45,049 --> 00:26:47,079
OF HEARTBREAK IN MY LIFE, FIRST
757
00:26:47,079 --> 00:26:50,289
AT 19, AND THEN SORT OF FAMOUSLY
758
00:26:47,079 --> 00:26:50,289
AT 21, AND THEN EVEN MORE
759
00:26:50,289 --> 00:26:53,019
FAMOUSLY AT 25, BUT I HAVE A
760
00:26:50,289 --> 00:26:53,019
REALLY GOOD FEELING ABOUT BEN K.
761
00:26:53,019 --> 00:26:55,049
IT'S ONLY NIGHT ONE.
762
00:26:53,019 --> 00:26:55,049
I CAN ALREADY TELL HE'S GOING TO
763
00:26:55,049 --> 00:26:59,279
BE THE NEXT LOVE OF MY LIFE.
764
00:26:55,049 --> 00:26:59,279
>> HEY, GIRLS.
765
00:26:59,279 --> 00:27:03,019
I JUST WANT TO SAY, THIS HAS
766
00:26:59,279 --> 00:27:03,019
BEEN SUCH A GREAT NIGHT.
767
00:27:03,019 --> 00:27:06,119
I REALLY ENJOYED LAUGHING WITH
768
00:27:03,019 --> 00:27:06,119
EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU,
769
00:27:06,119 --> 00:27:12,259
EVEN THOUGH NONE OF US EVER SAID
770
00:27:06,119 --> 00:27:12,259
A JOKE ONCE.
771
00:27:12,259 --> 00:27:15,009
[ LAUGHTER ]
772
00:27:12,259 --> 00:27:15,009
>> YES!
773
00:27:15,009 --> 00:27:17,049
>> AND THIS WAS A HARD DECISION,
774
00:27:15,009 --> 00:27:17,049
BUT I DECIDED TO GIVE THE FIRST
775
00:27:17,049 --> 00:27:20,099
IMPRESSION ROSE TO HANNAH C.
776
00:27:17,049 --> 00:27:20,099
>> WAIT, WHAT?
777
00:27:20,099 --> 00:27:34,289
YOU'RE GIVING TO IT HANNAH C.?
778
00:27:20,099 --> 00:27:34,289
♪♪♪
779
00:27:34,289 --> 00:27:38,190
♪ I HEARD THAT YOU'RE
780
00:27:34,289 --> 00:27:38,190
SETTLED DOWN
781
00:27:38,190 --> 00:27:41,250
THAT YOU ♪
782
00:27:38,190 --> 00:27:41,250
>> ADELE?
783
00:27:41,250 --> 00:27:43,279
♪ FOUND A GIRL
784
00:27:41,250 --> 00:27:43,279
AND YOU'RE
785
00:27:43,279 --> 00:27:46,170
MARRIED NOW ♪
786
00:27:43,279 --> 00:27:46,170
>> ADELE?
787
00:27:46,170 --> 00:27:49,069
♪ I HEARD THAT
788
00:27:46,170 --> 00:27:49,069
YOUR DREAMS
789
00:27:49,069 --> 00:27:52,119
CAME TRUE ♪
790
00:27:49,069 --> 00:27:52,119
>> ADELE!
791
00:27:52,119 --> 00:27:55,210
ADELE!
792
00:27:52,119 --> 00:27:55,210
HEY, SORRY.
793
00:27:55,210 --> 00:28:00,069
I AM NOT MARRIED TO HANNAH C.
794
00:27:55,210 --> 00:28:00,069
IT WAS JUST THE ONE ROSE.
795
00:28:00,069 --> 00:28:01,039
YOU'RE STILL IN THIS.
796
00:28:00,069 --> 00:28:01,039
>> I AM?
797
00:28:01,039 --> 00:28:05,049
>> YES, GIRL.
798
00:28:01,039 --> 00:28:05,049
THERE'S LIKE 40 EPISODES LEFT.
799
00:28:05,049 --> 00:28:07,089
SO I'D PACE YOURSELF
800
00:28:05,049 --> 00:28:07,089
EMOTIONALLY.
801
00:28:07,089 --> 00:28:09,019
WE'VE BEEN HERE 10 MINUTES AND
802
00:28:07,089 --> 00:28:09,019
YOU'VE ALREADY SUNG THAT A FEW
803
00:28:09,019 --> 00:28:12,079
TIMES.
804
00:28:09,019 --> 00:28:12,079
>> OH, RIGHT.
805
00:28:12,079 --> 00:28:13,099
SORRY ABOUT THAT.
806
00:28:12,079 --> 00:28:13,099
SORRY.
807
00:28:13,099 --> 00:28:15,019
>> YEAH, I'D SAY OUT OF ALL THE
808
00:28:13,099 --> 00:28:15,019
GIRLS IN THE HOUSE SO FAR, I
809
00:28:15,019 --> 00:28:19,250
PROBABLY HAVE THE MOST IN COMMON
810
00:28:15,019 --> 00:28:19,250
WITH HANNAH C. AND THE LEAST IN
811
00:28:19,250 --> 00:28:21,279
COMMON WITH POP SUPERSTAR ADELE,
812
00:28:19,250 --> 00:28:21,279
BUT OUR RELATIONSHIP IS THE ONE
813
00:28:21,279 --> 00:28:24,079
THAT'S MOVING THE FASTEST,
814
00:28:21,279 --> 00:28:24,079
MAINLY BECAUSE ADELE IS MAKING
815
00:28:24,079 --> 00:28:29,259
IT DO THAT.
816
00:28:24,079 --> 00:28:29,259
ADELE, YOU LOOK SO NICE TONIGHT.
817
00:28:29,259 --> 00:28:34,029
>> THANK YOU.
818
00:28:29,259 --> 00:28:34,029
YOU LOOK PRETTY AMAZING TOO.
819
00:28:34,029 --> 00:28:40,049
IN FACT, I GUESS I'D SORT OF
820
00:28:34,029 --> 00:28:40,049
SAY --
821
00:28:40,049 --> 00:28:43,210
♪♪♪
822
00:28:40,049 --> 00:28:43,210
>> OH, WE'RE SINGING AGAIN,
823
00:28:43,210 --> 00:28:46,230
OKAY.
824
00:28:43,210 --> 00:28:46,230
♪ YOU LOOK LIKE A MOVIE ♪
825
00:28:46,230 --> 00:28:50,059
>> WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
826
00:28:46,230 --> 00:28:50,059
♪ YOU SOUND LIKE A SONG ♪
827
00:28:50,059 --> 00:28:51,190
>> OKAY, THANK YOU.
828
00:28:50,059 --> 00:28:51,190
♪ MY GOD THIS REMINDS ME
829
00:28:51,190 --> 00:28:57,000
OF WHEN WE WERE YOUNG ♪
830
00:28:51,190 --> 00:28:57,000
>> WE MET TODAY.
831
00:28:57,000 --> 00:28:58,049
♪ LET ME PHOTOGRAPH YOU IN THIS
832
00:28:57,000 --> 00:28:58,049
LIGHT ♪
833
00:28:58,049 --> 00:29:02,059
>> ADELE!
834
00:28:58,049 --> 00:29:02,059
ADELE!
835
00:29:02,059 --> 00:29:04,289
ADELE.
836
00:29:02,059 --> 00:29:04,289
CAN WE JUST TALK?
837
00:29:04,289 --> 00:29:07,180
THIS IS REALLY MORE OF A TALKING
838
00:29:04,289 --> 00:29:07,180
SHOW.
839
00:29:07,180 --> 00:29:12,000
>> I KEEP FORGETTING ABOUT THAT.
840
00:29:07,180 --> 00:29:12,000
>> YOU KNOW, I ABSOLUTELY LOVE
841
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:13,170
BEING ON "THE BACHELOR," BUT IT
842
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:13,170
HAS BEEN HARD TO GET ALONE TIME
843
00:29:13,170 --> 00:29:15,200
WITH BEN WITH SO MANY OTHER
844
00:29:13,170 --> 00:29:15,200
GIRLS IN THE HOUSE, INCLUDING
845
00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:17,240
ADELE, ESPECIALLY ADELE.
846
00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:17,240
THE PROBLEM IS ADELE.
847
00:29:17,240 --> 00:29:20,130
>> IT'S SO NICE TO FINALLY HAVE
848
00:29:17,240 --> 00:29:20,130
SOME ALONE TIME WITH YOU.
849
00:29:20,130 --> 00:29:23,029
>> I KNOW.
850
00:29:20,130 --> 00:29:23,029
SO, WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME A
851
00:29:23,029 --> 00:29:27,089
LITTLE BIT ABOUT YOURSELF.
852
00:29:23,029 --> 00:29:27,089
♪♪♪
853
00:29:27,089 --> 00:29:33,200
>> OH, MY GOD.
854
00:29:27,089 --> 00:29:33,200
♪ HELLO
855
00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:42,170
IT'S ME ♪
856
00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:42,170
♪ I WAS WONDERING IF AFTER ALL
857
00:29:42,170 --> 00:29:45,130
THESE YEARS ♪
858
00:29:42,170 --> 00:29:45,130
♪ YOU'D LIKE TO MEET ♪
859
00:29:45,130 --> 00:29:46,220
>> OKAY, ADELE, NO, OKAY?
860
00:29:45,130 --> 00:29:46,220
IT HAS NOT BEEN YEARS SINCE
861
00:29:46,220 --> 00:29:48,109
YOU'VE SEEN BEN.
862
00:29:46,220 --> 00:29:48,109
YOU'VE BEEN SINGING TO HIM ALL
863
00:29:48,109 --> 00:29:50,140
NIGHT.
864
00:29:48,109 --> 00:29:50,140
>> ALL RIGHT, OH MY GOD.
865
00:29:50,140 --> 00:29:52,059
OKAY, YOU'RE RIGHT.
866
00:29:50,140 --> 00:29:52,059
I'VE BEEN A RIGHT PRICK YET
867
00:29:52,059 --> 00:29:55,230
AGAIN.
868
00:29:52,059 --> 00:29:55,230
I WILL LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE.
869
00:29:55,230 --> 00:29:57,119
>>THIS IS SO MUCH BETTER.
870
00:29:55,230 --> 00:29:57,119
>> YES, SO MUCH BETTER.
871
00:29:57,119 --> 00:29:59,019
>> THOUGH I DO FEEL KIND OF
872
00:29:57,119 --> 00:29:59,019
WEIRD THAT I YELLED AT THE
873
00:29:59,019 --> 00:30:01,000
ACTUAL ADELE TO GO AWAY.
874
00:29:59,019 --> 00:30:01,000
>> I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
875
00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:02,190
>> WHY?
876
00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:02,190
>> BECAUSE SHE'S BACK.
877
00:30:02,190 --> 00:30:08,279
I CAN SEE HER BEHIND THE BUSHES.
878
00:30:02,190 --> 00:30:08,279
♪ HELLO FROM INSIDE THIS BUSH ♪
879
00:30:08,279 --> 00:30:13,049
>> OKAY, I'M GOING BACK TO THE
880
00:30:08,279 --> 00:30:13,049
MANSION.
881
00:30:13,049 --> 00:30:15,089
>> SO, I THINK NIGHT ONE'S BEEN
882
00:30:13,049 --> 00:30:15,089
AN ABSOLUTE SMASH, BUT I'M
883
00:30:15,089 --> 00:30:17,000
STARTING TO GET THE FEELING THAT
884
00:30:15,089 --> 00:30:17,000
I MIGHT BE COMING ON A BIT
885
00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:21,190
STRONG.
886
00:30:17,000 --> 00:30:21,190
I THINK BEN K. SORT OF LIKES
887
00:30:21,190 --> 00:30:23,049
THAT MORE LAID-BACK AMERICAN
888
00:30:21,190 --> 00:30:23,049
VIBE, SO FOR THE REST OF THE
889
00:30:23,049 --> 00:30:25,089
NIGHT I DECIDED THAT I'M GOING
890
00:30:23,049 --> 00:30:25,089
TO PLAY IT REALLY, REALLY CHILL
891
00:30:25,089 --> 00:30:28,289
AND COOL.
892
00:30:25,089 --> 00:30:28,289
YEAH.
893
00:30:28,289 --> 00:30:34,140
YOU KNOW, IF YOU WANT TO TALK TO
894
00:30:28,289 --> 00:30:34,140
SOMEONE ELSE, IT'S TOTALLY FINE.
895
00:30:34,140 --> 00:30:37,009
>> REALLY?
896
00:30:34,140 --> 00:30:37,009
>> YEAH.
897
00:30:37,009 --> 00:30:39,099
I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I EVEN
898
00:30:37,009 --> 00:30:39,099
REALLY LIKE YOU THAT MUCH.
899
00:30:39,099 --> 00:30:41,029
IF IT WORKS OUT, IT WORKS OUT.
900
00:30:39,099 --> 00:30:41,029
>> HI, CAN I STEAL HIM FOR A
901
00:30:41,029 --> 00:30:44,029
SEC?
902
00:30:41,029 --> 00:30:44,029
♪ THERE'S A FIRE
903
00:30:44,029 --> 00:30:49,259
STARTING IN MY HEART
904
00:30:44,029 --> 00:30:49,259
REACHING THAT FEVER PITCH ♪
905
00:30:49,259 --> 00:30:52,210
♪ AND IT'S BRINGING ME OUT THE
906
00:30:49,259 --> 00:30:52,210
DARK ♪
907
00:30:52,210 --> 00:30:58,029
♪ FINALLY I CAN SEE YOU CRYSTAL
908
00:30:52,210 --> 00:30:58,029
CLEAR ♪
909
00:30:58,029 --> 00:31:04,049
♪ GO AHEAD AND SELL ME OUT AND
910
00:30:58,029 --> 00:31:04,049
I'LL LAY YOUR SHIP BARE ♪
911
00:31:04,049 --> 00:31:05,180
>> OKAY, I'M A HUGE FAN, BUT I
912
00:31:04,049 --> 00:31:05,180
DON'T FEEL SAFE WITH HER HERE.
913
00:31:05,180 --> 00:31:07,190
>> OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
914
00:31:05,180 --> 00:31:07,190
I KNOW THERE'S STILL 20 MINUTES
915
00:31:07,190 --> 00:31:11,269
LEFT IN THE SHOW, BUT I THINK WE
916
00:31:07,190 --> 00:31:11,269
GOT TO CALL IT WITH YOU, ADELE.
917
00:31:11,269 --> 00:31:14,009
IT'S BEEN A VERY INTENSE NIGHT,
918
00:31:11,269 --> 00:31:14,009
AND I THINK YOU SHOULD LEAVE THE
919
00:31:14,009 --> 00:31:17,250
MANSION.
920
00:31:14,009 --> 00:31:17,250
>> I DON'T KNOW IF I'D CALL THIS
921
00:31:17,250 --> 00:31:20,200
A MANSION, BUT I UNDERSTAND.
922
00:31:17,250 --> 00:31:20,200
GOOD LUCK, LADIES.
923
00:31:20,200 --> 00:31:22,069
AND THANK YOU, BEN.
924
00:31:20,200 --> 00:31:22,069
I WILL NOW LEAVE AND I WILL GO
925
00:31:22,069 --> 00:31:27,019
QUIETLY.
926
00:31:22,069 --> 00:31:27,019
I PROMISE THERE WILL BE NO MORE
927
00:31:27,019 --> 00:31:29,049
DRAMA FROM ME.
928
00:31:27,019 --> 00:31:29,049
>> WHOA, THAT'S SO SAD.
929
00:31:29,049 --> 00:31:30,160
>> I KNOW.
930
00:31:29,049 --> 00:31:30,160
I KIND OF WANTED HER TO FINISH
931
00:31:30,160 --> 00:31:33,250
"SOMEONE LIKE YOU."
932
00:31:30,160 --> 00:31:33,250
>> WAIT.
933
00:31:33,250 --> 00:31:36,279
I THINK I CAN SEE HER COMING
934
00:31:33,250 --> 00:31:36,279
BACK.
935
00:31:36,279 --> 00:31:38,079
♪♪♪
936
00:31:36,279 --> 00:31:38,079
>> YEP, HERE SHE IS.
937
00:31:38,079 --> 00:31:41,049
♪ I HATE TO TURN
938
00:31:38,079 --> 00:31:41,049
OUT OF THE BLUE UNINVITED
939
00:31:41,049 --> 00:31:44,109
BUT I COULDN'T
940
00:31:41,049 --> 00:31:44,109
STAY AWAY ♪
941
00:31:44,109 --> 00:31:49,230
♪ I COULDN'T FIGHT IT
942
00:31:44,109 --> 00:31:49,230
♪ I HOPED YOU'D SEE MY FACE AND
943
00:31:49,230 --> 00:31:55,190
BE REMINDED THAT FOR ME IT ISN'T
944
00:31:49,230 --> 00:31:55,190
OVER ♪
945
00:31:55,190 --> 00:31:57,200
>> Together: YAY, SHE'S DOING
946
00:31:55,190 --> 00:31:57,200
IT.
947
00:31:57,200 --> 00:31:59,230
♪ NEVER MIND
948
00:31:57,200 --> 00:31:59,230
I'LL FIND SOMEONE
949
00:31:59,230 --> 00:32:01,259
LIKE YOU ♪
950
00:31:59,230 --> 00:32:01,259
♪ I WISH NOTHING
951
00:32:01,259 --> 00:32:05,009
BUT THE BEST
952
00:32:01,259 --> 00:32:05,009
FOR YOU TOO ♪
953
00:32:05,009 --> 00:32:13,019
♪ DON'T FORGET ME
954
00:32:05,009 --> 00:32:13,019
I BEG ♪
955
00:32:13,019 --> 00:32:18,170
♪ I REMEMBER YOU SAY-SOMETIMES
956
00:32:13,019 --> 00:32:18,170
IT LASTS IN LOVE ♪
957
00:32:18,170 --> 00:32:21,079
♪ BUT SOMETIMES IT HURTS
958
00:32:18,170 --> 00:32:21,079
INSTEAD ♪
959
00:32:21,079 --> 00:32:27,029
♪ SOMETIMES IT LASTS IN LOVE BUT
960
00:32:21,079 --> 00:32:27,029
SOMETIMES IT HURTS INSTEAD ♪
961
00:32:27,029 --> 00:32:29,220
THANK YOU, EVERYONE.
962
00:32:27,029 --> 00:32:29,220
CATCH ME NEXT WEEK ON "LOVE
963
00:32:29,220 --> 00:32:31,279
ISLAND."
964
00:32:42,220 --> 00:32:44,150
>>> EVERYONE KNOWS THIS COULD BE
965
00:32:42,220 --> 00:32:44,150
THE MOST IMPORTANT ELECTION IN
966
00:32:44,150 --> 00:32:46,180
OUR NATION'S HISTORY.
967
00:32:44,150 --> 00:32:46,180
>> AND THE TWO CHOICES COULDN'T
968
00:32:46,180 --> 00:32:53,069
BE MORE DIFFERENT.
969
00:32:46,180 --> 00:32:53,069
>> DO WE WANT FOUR MORE YEARS OF
970
00:32:53,069 --> 00:32:56,000
DONALD TRUMP OR A FRESH START
971
00:32:53,069 --> 00:32:56,000
WITH JOE BIDEN?
972
00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:57,119
>> CAN WE SURVIVE FOUR MORE
973
00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:57,119
YEARS OF SCANDAL, NAME CALLING
974
00:32:57,119 --> 00:32:59,220
AND RACIAL DIVISION?
975
00:32:57,119 --> 00:32:59,220
>> OR DO WE WANT A LEADER WHO
976
00:32:59,220 --> 00:33:02,109
UNITES THE COUNTRY?
977
00:32:59,220 --> 00:33:02,109
>> I WANT TO VOTE FOR BIDEN
978
00:33:02,109 --> 00:33:08,180
BECAUSE HE'S BETTER, SMARTER.
979
00:33:02,109 --> 00:33:08,180
BETTER AND BETTER.
980
00:33:08,180 --> 00:33:11,089
BUT I'M WORRIED.
981
00:33:08,180 --> 00:33:11,089
>> I'M WORRIED TOO.
982
00:33:11,089 --> 00:33:14,190
>> BECAUSE IF DONALD TRUMP ISN'T
983
00:33:11,089 --> 00:33:14,190
PRESIDENT --
984
00:33:14,190 --> 00:33:16,240
>> WHEN WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO
985
00:33:14,190 --> 00:33:16,240
TALK ABOUT?
986
00:33:16,240 --> 00:33:17,289
>> LIKE, WHAT WOULD OUR
987
00:33:16,240 --> 00:33:17,289
CONVERSATIONS EVEN BE?
988
00:33:17,289 --> 00:33:21,079
>> BECAUSE THE ONLY THING I
989
00:33:17,289 --> 00:33:21,079
TALKED ABOUT FOR FOUR YEARS IS
990
00:33:21,079 --> 00:33:22,119
DONALD TRUMP.
991
00:33:21,079 --> 00:33:22,119
>> EVERY SINGLE DAY I TELL
992
00:33:22,119 --> 00:33:23,170
SOMEONE, CAN YOU BELIEVE WHAT
993
00:33:22,119 --> 00:33:23,170
TRUMP JUST SAID?
994
00:33:23,170 --> 00:33:27,119
>> MY ENTIRE PERSONALITY IS
995
00:33:23,170 --> 00:33:27,119
HATING DONALD TRUMP.
996
00:33:27,119 --> 00:33:33,059
IF HE'S GONE, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED
997
00:33:27,119 --> 00:33:33,059
TO DO?
998
00:33:33,059 --> 00:33:34,240
FOCUS ON MY KIDS AGAIN?
999
00:33:33,059 --> 00:33:34,240
NO THANKS.
1000
00:33:34,240 --> 00:33:36,119
>> I ARGUE WITH MY DAD EVERY DAY
1001
00:33:34,240 --> 00:33:36,119
ABOUT TRUMP.
1002
00:33:36,119 --> 00:33:38,170
BEFORE THAT WE HASN'T SPOKEN FOR
1003
00:33:36,119 --> 00:33:38,170
YEARS.
1004
00:33:38,170 --> 00:33:43,190
>> I USED TO WATCH CIVIL RIGHTS
1005
00:33:38,170 --> 00:33:43,190
VIDEOS AND WONDER WHAT IT WOULD
1006
00:33:43,190 --> 00:33:46,240
BE LIKE TO LIVE IN THOSE TIMES.
1007
00:33:43,190 --> 00:33:46,240
THANKS TO TRUMP, I GET IT.
1008
00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:48,029
>> WHAT IS THE NEWS EVEN GOING
1009
00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:48,029
TO BE ABOUT NOW?
1010
00:33:48,029 --> 00:33:49,210
>> I AM REALLY WORRIED FOR
1011
00:33:48,029 --> 00:33:49,210
RACHEL MADDOW.
1012
00:33:49,210 --> 00:33:51,259
WHAT IS SHE EVEN GOING TO TALK
1013
00:33:49,210 --> 00:33:51,259
ABOUT?
1014
00:33:51,259 --> 00:33:56,019
>> WHAT ABOUT HIS TWEETS?
1015
00:33:51,259 --> 00:33:56,019
WHAT AM I GOING TO SEND TO MY
1016
00:33:56,019 --> 00:34:01,210
FRIENDS AND BE LIKE, THIS IS THE
1017
00:33:56,019 --> 00:34:01,210
CRAZIEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN.
1018
00:34:01,210 --> 00:34:06,210
>> SURE, HE'S HISTORICALLY BAD
1019
00:34:01,210 --> 00:34:06,210
FOR THE COUNTRY, BUT HE'S GAVE
1020
00:34:06,210 --> 00:34:07,230
US SO MUCH.
1021
00:34:06,210 --> 00:34:07,230
>> INJECTING BLEACH IN OUR
1022
00:34:07,230 --> 00:34:08,239
BLOOD.
1023
00:34:07,230 --> 00:34:08,239
>> OPENLY CALLING AFRICAN
1024
00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:11,289
NATIONS [ BLEEP ] HOLES.
1025
00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:11,289
>> HE CHANGED THE GAME.
1026
00:34:11,289 --> 00:34:13,110
>> HE CALLED THE ATTORNEY
1027
00:34:11,289 --> 00:34:13,110
GENERAL HE APPOINTED MENTALLY
1028
00:34:13,110 --> 00:34:15,280
RETARDED.
1029
00:34:13,110 --> 00:34:15,280
THAT'S SOME NEXT LEVEL
1030
00:34:15,280 --> 00:34:21,090
[ BLEEP ].
1031
00:34:15,280 --> 00:34:21,090
>> I MEAN, HE STARTED WITH AN
1032
00:34:21,090 --> 00:34:22,090
IMPRESSION OF A DISABLED
1033
00:34:21,090 --> 00:34:22,090
REPORTER.
1034
00:34:22,090 --> 00:34:25,050
THAT WAS THE STARTING POINT.
1035
00:34:22,090 --> 00:34:25,050
B.S. CASE SCENARIO,
1036
00:34:25,050 --> 00:34:27,079
BIDEN GET THERE IS YEAR THREE.
1037
00:34:25,050 --> 00:34:27,079
>> ON NOVEMBER 3rd, I'LL BE
1038
00:34:27,079 --> 00:34:29,079
WORRIED.
1039
00:34:27,079 --> 00:34:29,079
>> ABOUT THE ELECTION, SURE.
1040
00:34:29,079 --> 00:34:33,099
>> FUTURE OF DEMOCRACY
1041
00:34:29,079 --> 00:34:33,099
OR WHATEVER.
1042
00:34:33,099 --> 00:34:39,119
>> BUT I'LL BE WORRIED ABOUT MY
1043
00:34:33,099 --> 00:34:39,119
FAVORITE VILLAIN.
1044
00:34:39,119 --> 00:34:44,170
>> LIKE IF THEY REPLACE JOKER.
1045
00:34:39,119 --> 00:34:44,170
>> I REMEMBER, EVEN IF HE LOSES,
1046
00:34:44,170 --> 00:34:49,099
TRUMP ISN'T GOING AWAY.
1047
00:34:44,170 --> 00:34:49,099
>> IF ANYTHING HE'S GOING TO GET
1048
00:34:49,099 --> 00:34:52,050
MORE VOCAL.
1049
00:34:49,099 --> 00:34:52,050
>> AND ANGRIER.
1050
00:34:52,050 --> 00:34:55,190
>> AND CRAZIER.
1051
00:34:52,050 --> 00:34:55,190
>> AND WITH ALL HIS CRIME, THERE
1052
00:34:55,190 --> 00:34:58,119
MAY BE A TRIAL.
1053
00:34:55,190 --> 00:34:58,119
AND MAYBE TRUMP WILL REPRESENT
1054
00:34:58,119 --> 00:35:00,000
HIMSELF IN COURT.
1055
00:34:58,119 --> 00:35:00,000
I GOT TO STOP GETTING MYSELF
1056
00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:02,119
HOPES UP.
1057
00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:02,119
>> MAYBE DONALD AND IVANKA WILL
1058
00:35:02,119 --> 00:35:17,019
RUN TOGETHER IN 2024?
1059
00:35:02,119 --> 00:35:17,019
>> WHY WOULD YOU THROW THAT OUT
1060
00:35:17,019 --> 00:35:24,130
>>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN --
1061
00:35:17,019 --> 00:35:24,130
H.E.R.
1062
00:35:24,130 --> 00:35:41,210
♪♪♪
1063
00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:47,219
♪ IF YOU GOT IT
1064
00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:47,219
IT AIN'T NO QUESTION
1065
00:35:47,219 --> 00:35:50,110
NO, IT AIN'T NO ROOM
1066
00:35:47,219 --> 00:35:50,110
FOR GUESSIN' ♪
1067
00:35:50,110 --> 00:35:52,139
♪ NO MORE THAN EMOTIONALLY
1068
00:35:50,110 --> 00:35:52,139
INVESTED
1069
00:35:52,139 --> 00:35:56,210
SHOWIN' YOU ALL MY
1070
00:35:52,139 --> 00:35:56,210
IMPERFECTIONS, OH ♪
1071
00:35:56,210 --> 00:36:06,210
♪ IF I LET YOU, YOU'LL
1072
00:35:56,210 --> 00:36:06,210
TAKE ME FOR GRANTED
1073
00:36:06,210 --> 00:36:13,190
YEAH ♪
1074
00:36:06,210 --> 00:36:13,190
♪ IF I'M WORTH MORE THAN
1075
00:36:13,190 --> 00:36:15,059
YOU COULD MANAGE
1076
00:36:13,190 --> 00:36:15,059
YEAH ♪
1077
00:36:15,059 --> 00:36:22,179
♪ OPEN WITH ME, OH WE
1078
00:36:15,059 --> 00:36:22,179
COULD BE HONEST
1079
00:36:22,179 --> 00:36:24,059
CLOSER TO ME, OH ♪
1080
00:36:22,179 --> 00:36:24,059
♪ GIVING ME SOLACE
1081
00:36:24,059 --> 00:36:25,239
PROMISE THAT YOU
1082
00:36:24,059 --> 00:36:25,239
WON'T LET ME FALL ♪
1083
00:36:25,239 --> 00:36:27,110
♪ HOLDING ME TIGHT
1084
00:36:25,239 --> 00:36:27,110
LOVING ME RIGHT
1085
00:36:27,110 --> 00:36:28,289
GIVING ME LIFE
1086
00:36:27,110 --> 00:36:28,289
ALL NIGHT ♪
1087
00:36:28,289 --> 00:36:31,010
♪ YOU COULD BE
1088
00:36:28,289 --> 00:36:31,010
TELLING ME LIES
1089
00:36:31,010 --> 00:36:33,050
MAKING ME CRY ♪
1090
00:36:31,010 --> 00:36:33,050
♪ WASTING MY TIME
1091
00:36:33,050 --> 00:36:35,079
THE WHOLE TIME
1092
00:36:33,050 --> 00:36:35,079
SO JUST BE ♪
1093
00:36:35,079 --> 00:36:45,250
♪ CAREFUL WHAT YOU
1094
00:36:35,079 --> 00:36:45,250
TAKE FOR GRANTED, YEAH ♪
1095
00:36:45,250 --> 00:36:47,280
♪ 'CAUSE WITH ME KNOW
1096
00:36:45,250 --> 00:36:47,280
YOU COULD DO DAMAGE ♪
1097
00:36:47,280 --> 00:36:53,059
♪ YOU, YOU COULD DO DAMAGE
1098
00:36:47,280 --> 00:36:53,059
YOU COULD DO DAMAGE, YEAH ♪
1099
00:36:53,059 --> 00:36:55,099
♪ WORRIED ABOUT IT I'M
1100
00:36:53,059 --> 00:36:55,099
PUTTING PRESSURE YOU KNOW
1101
00:36:55,099 --> 00:36:57,130
YOU'LL ONLY CUT ME
1102
00:36:55,099 --> 00:36:57,130
IF I LET YOU ♪
1103
00:36:57,130 --> 00:37:00,030
♪ NO, HE AIN'T THE ONE
1104
00:36:57,130 --> 00:37:00,030
IT'S JUST FOR PLEASURE
1105
00:37:00,030 --> 00:37:02,070
EITHER LEARN ME OR I'M
1106
00:37:00,030 --> 00:37:02,070
A LESSON GONE ♪
1107
00:37:02,070 --> 00:37:05,260
♪ IF YOU WANT ME DON'T
1108
00:37:02,070 --> 00:37:05,260
TAKE ME FOR GRANTED
1109
00:37:05,260 --> 00:37:11,050
YEAH, YEAH ♪
1110
00:37:05,260 --> 00:37:11,050
♪ IF I'M WORTH MORE THAN
1111
00:37:11,050 --> 00:37:18,170
YOU COULD MANAGE, BABY ♪
1112
00:37:11,050 --> 00:37:18,170
♪ OH YOU'RE FALLING FOR ME
1113
00:37:18,170 --> 00:37:21,230
OH BABY I'VE CAUGHT IT ♪
1114
00:37:18,170 --> 00:37:21,230
♪ OOH WE COULD BE WHATEVER
1115
00:37:21,230 --> 00:37:23,119
YOU WANNA CALL IT
1116
00:37:21,230 --> 00:37:23,119
PROMISE THAT YOU WON'T
1117
00:37:23,119 --> 00:37:28,090
LET ME FALL ♪
1118
00:37:23,119 --> 00:37:28,090
♪ OH, BOY ♪
1119
00:37:28,090 --> 00:37:29,119
♪ HOLDING ME TIGHT
1120
00:37:28,090 --> 00:37:29,119
LOVING ME RIGHT
1121
00:37:29,119 --> 00:37:31,159
GIVING ME LIFE
1122
00:37:29,119 --> 00:37:31,159
ALL NIGHT ♪
1123
00:37:31,159 --> 00:37:33,030
♪ YOU COULD BE
1124
00:37:31,159 --> 00:37:33,030
TELLING ME LIES
1125
00:37:33,030 --> 00:37:39,130
MAKING ME CRY
1126
00:37:33,030 --> 00:37:39,130
WASTING MY TIME ♪
1127
00:37:39,130 --> 00:37:45,079
♪ THE WHOLE TIME
1128
00:37:39,130 --> 00:37:45,079
♪ SO JUST BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU
1129
00:37:45,079 --> 00:37:48,139
TAKE FOR GRANTED, YEAH ♪
1130
00:37:45,079 --> 00:37:48,139
♪ CAUSE WITH ME KNOW
1131
00:37:48,139 --> 00:37:51,039
YOU COULD DO DAMAGE ♪
1132
00:37:48,139 --> 00:37:51,039
♪ YOU, YOU COULD DO DAMAGE
1133
00:37:51,039 --> 00:37:57,239
YOU, YOU COULD DO DAMAGE ♪
1134
00:37:51,039 --> 00:37:57,239
♪ OH, YOU COULD DO DAMAGE ♪
1135
00:37:57,239 --> 00:38:05,110
♪ OH, YOU COULD DO DAMAGE,
1136
00:37:57,239 --> 00:38:05,110
YEAH ♪
1137
00:38:05,110 --> 00:38:09,139
♪ OH, YOU COULD DO DAMAGE,
1138
00:38:05,110 --> 00:38:09,139
YEAH ♪
1139
00:38:09,139 --> 00:38:21,230
♪ OH, YOU COULD DO DAMAGE ♪
1140
00:38:28,219 --> 00:38:38,110
>>> IT'S "WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH
1141
00:38:28,219 --> 00:38:38,110
COLIN JOST AND MICHAEL CHE.
1142
00:38:38,110 --> 00:38:39,219
>> GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE.
1143
00:38:38,110 --> 00:38:39,219
>> WELCOME TO "WEEKEND UPDATE."
1144
00:38:39,219 --> 00:38:47,090
I'M MICHAEL CHE.
1145
00:38:39,219 --> 00:38:47,090
>> I'M COLIN JOST.
1146
00:38:47,090 --> 00:38:48,269
wELL, THE FINAL PRESIDENTIAL
1147
00:38:47,090 --> 00:38:48,269
DEBATE TOOK PLACE ON THURSDAY
1148
00:38:48,269 --> 00:38:50,199
AND THE ACTUAL CNN HEADLINE
1149
00:38:48,269 --> 00:38:50,199
AFTER WAS "TRUMP BEHAVED MORE
1150
00:38:50,199 --> 00:38:54,219
LIKE A REGULAR PERSON."
1151
00:38:50,199 --> 00:38:54,219
THAT'S NOT A DESCRIPTION OF A
1152
00:38:54,219 --> 00:38:58,039
PRESIDENT, BUT THE DESCRIPTION
1153
00:38:54,219 --> 00:38:58,039
OF A ROBOT FROM "WESTWORLD."
1154
00:38:58,039 --> 00:39:01,130
THIS DEBATE WAS SO FRUSTRATING
1155
00:38:58,039 --> 00:39:01,130
TO WATCH.
1156
00:39:01,130 --> 00:39:02,250
DID ANYONE FIND THEMSELVES
1157
00:39:01,130 --> 00:39:02,250
YELLING LINES AT THE SCREEN THAT
1158
00:39:02,250 --> 00:39:04,119
THEY WISHED BIDEN HAD SAID?
1159
00:39:02,250 --> 00:39:04,119
WHEN TRUMP TALKED ABOUT HOW GOOD
1160
00:39:04,119 --> 00:39:06,099
HE'S BEEN FOR THE STOCK MARKET,
1161
00:39:04,119 --> 00:39:06,099
I WAS LIKE, JOE, THE STOCK
1162
00:39:06,099 --> 00:39:11,030
MARKET WHEN YOU WERE VICE
1163
00:39:06,099 --> 00:39:11,030
PRESIDENT WENT UP FOUR TIMES
1164
00:39:11,030 --> 00:39:12,199
HIGHER THAN TRUMP'S STOCK
1165
00:39:11,030 --> 00:39:12,199
MARKET.
1166
00:39:12,199 --> 00:39:17,130
YOU HAVE THE BALL.
1167
00:39:12,199 --> 00:39:17,130
YOU'RE STANDING ABOVE THE RIM.
1168
00:39:17,130 --> 00:39:19,150
WHY WOULD YOU NOT DUNK IT?
1169
00:39:17,130 --> 00:39:19,150
OR WHEN TRUMP SAID THAT BIDEN IS
1170
00:39:19,150 --> 00:39:22,199
ALL TALK AND NO ACTION, WHY
1171
00:39:19,150 --> 00:39:22,199
DIDN'T BIDEN SAY, BITCH, SHOW US
1172
00:39:22,199 --> 00:39:26,119
YOUR TAXES, SHOW US THE VACCINE,
1173
00:39:22,199 --> 00:39:26,119
SHOW US THE WALL, AND SHOW US
1174
00:39:26,119 --> 00:39:29,019
WHAT PRISON YOU LOCKED HILLARY
1175
00:39:26,119 --> 00:39:29,019
IN.
1176
00:39:29,019 --> 00:39:34,260
TRULY IT WAS LIKE BIDEN HAD AN
1177
00:39:29,019 --> 00:39:34,260
OPEN FIELD, RUNNING FOR A
1178
00:39:34,260 --> 00:39:37,210
TOUCHDOWN, AND THEN THIS
1179
00:39:34,260 --> 00:39:37,210
HAPPENED.
1180
00:39:37,210 --> 00:39:39,250
>> HE IS GONE.
1181
00:39:37,210 --> 00:39:39,250
TRYING TO STAY UPRIGHT AND HE
1182
00:39:39,250 --> 00:39:46,289
TRIPS!
1183
00:39:39,250 --> 00:39:46,289
>> TRUMP CLAIMED THAT HE WAS
1184
00:39:46,289 --> 00:39:48,119
THE LEAST RACIST PERSON IN THE
1185
00:39:46,289 --> 00:39:48,119
ROOM, WHICH IS ONLY SOMETHING
1186
00:39:48,119 --> 00:39:52,260
THE MOST RACIST PERSON IN A ROOM
1187
00:39:48,119 --> 00:39:52,260
WOULD SAY.
1188
00:39:52,260 --> 00:39:55,130
MARTIN LUTHER KING, I'M THE
1189
00:39:52,260 --> 00:39:55,130
LEAST RACIST.
1190
00:39:55,130 --> 00:39:57,219
NOBODY'S EXPECTING YOU TO BE THE
1191
00:39:55,130 --> 00:39:57,219
LEAST RACIST.
1192
00:39:57,219 --> 00:40:01,119
I'D SETTLE FOR JUST NOT SO
1193
00:39:57,219 --> 00:40:01,119
RACIST ANYMORE.
1194
00:40:01,119 --> 00:40:04,159
WHEN YOU LIE THAT BIG IT MAKES
1195
00:40:01,119 --> 00:40:04,159
YOU LOOK MORE GUILTY.
1196
00:40:04,159 --> 00:40:09,260
IT'S LIKE WHEN MY UNCLE TOLD ME
1197
00:40:04,159 --> 00:40:09,260
HE DOESN'T GET HIGH ANYMORE
1198
00:40:09,260 --> 00:40:15,050
WHILE HE WAS HOLDING MY TV.
1199
00:40:09,260 --> 00:40:15,050
I HATE THAT.
1200
00:40:15,050 --> 00:40:21,139
>> YOU ALSO KNOW POLITICS IN
1201
00:40:15,050 --> 00:40:21,139
--
1202
00:40:21,139 --> 00:40:23,099
RUDY GIULIANI IS DENYING HE DID
1203
00:40:21,139 --> 00:40:23,099
ANYTHING WRONG AFTER A
1204
00:40:23,099 --> 00:40:25,139
CONTROVERSIAL NEW SCENE IN THE
1205
00:40:23,099 --> 00:40:25,139
BORAT MOVIE IN WHICH HE'S ALONE
1206
00:40:25,139 --> 00:40:28,199
IN A HOTEL ROOM WITH A FEMALE
1207
00:40:25,139 --> 00:40:28,199
REPORTER, PUTS HIS HANDS DOWN
1208
00:40:28,199 --> 00:40:32,130
HIS PANTS, AND APPEARS TO START
1209
00:40:28,199 --> 00:40:32,130
TOUCHING HIMSELF.
1210
00:40:32,130 --> 00:40:35,079
UNFORTUNATELY WE CANNOT SHOW YOU
1211
00:40:32,130 --> 00:40:35,079
THE VIDEO.
1212
00:40:35,079 --> 00:40:36,289
NOT BECAUSE IT VIOLATES
1213
00:40:35,079 --> 00:40:36,289
STANDARDS BUT BECAUSE ANYONE WHO
1214
00:40:36,289 --> 00:40:41,059
WATCHES IT DIES IN SEVEN DAYS.
1215
00:40:36,289 --> 00:40:41,059
GIULIANI DEFENDED HIMSELF BY
1216
00:40:41,059 --> 00:40:43,250
EXPLAINING THAT HE HAD TO LAY
1217
00:40:41,059 --> 00:40:43,250
DOWN ON THE BED TO TUCK IN HIS
1218
00:40:43,250 --> 00:40:46,039
SHIRT, WHICH I THINK IS AN
1219
00:40:43,250 --> 00:40:46,039
ACTUAL PUNCH LINE TO A "YO MAMA
1220
00:40:46,039 --> 00:40:51,070
IS SO FAT" JOKE.
1221
00:40:46,039 --> 00:40:51,070
>> RATES OF CORONAVIRUS ARE
1222
00:40:51,070 --> 00:40:54,269
SPIKING IN ALMOST EVERY STATE
1223
00:40:51,070 --> 00:40:54,269
AS THE COUNTRY BRACES FOR A
1224
00:40:54,269 --> 00:40:58,179
POSSIBLE THIRD PEAK, BUT ARE WE
1225
00:40:54,269 --> 00:40:58,179
ACTUALLY BRACING, THOUGH?
1226
00:40:58,179 --> 00:41:03,269
BECAUSE THE FIRST TIME PEOPLE
1227
00:40:58,179 --> 00:41:03,269
WERE HAVING KNIFE FIGHTS OVER
1228
00:41:03,269 --> 00:41:10,059
LYSOL AND TOILET PAPER, AND NOW
1229
00:41:03,269 --> 00:41:10,059
PEOPLE ARE BACK TO EATING
1230
00:41:10,059 --> 00:41:12,199
BUFFALO WINGS OUTSIDE, LICKING
1231
00:41:10,059 --> 00:41:12,199
ON THEIR FINGERS.
1232
00:41:12,199 --> 00:41:15,199
IT'S GROSS.
1233
00:41:12,199 --> 00:41:15,199
AM I THE ONLY ONE STILL
1234
00:41:15,199 --> 00:41:17,230
TERRIFIED?
1235
00:41:15,199 --> 00:41:17,230
REMEMBER WHEN TOM HANKS GOT IT
1236
00:41:17,230 --> 00:41:19,119
LIKE, FIVE YEARS AGO, SIX MONTHS
1237
00:41:17,230 --> 00:41:19,119
AGO?
1238
00:41:19,119 --> 00:41:21,150
AND WE ALL SAT TEARY EYED
1239
00:41:19,119 --> 00:41:21,150
THINKING WE MIGHT ACTUALLY LOSE
1240
00:41:21,150 --> 00:41:26,239
FORREST GUMP?
1241
00:41:21,150 --> 00:41:26,239
NOW A WHOLE FOOTBALL TEAM
1242
00:41:26,239 --> 00:41:28,110
GETS SICK AND THEY JUST MOVE THE
1243
00:41:26,239 --> 00:41:28,110
GAME?
1244
00:41:28,110 --> 00:41:31,230
I DON'T KNOW WHERE I'M GOING
1245
00:41:28,110 --> 00:41:31,230
WITH THIS.
1246
00:41:31,230 --> 00:41:36,219
IT'S BEEN A REALLY WEIRD WEEK,
1247
00:41:31,230 --> 00:41:36,219
AND I REALLY, REALLY THOUGHT THE
1248
00:41:36,219 --> 00:41:39,110
PRESIDENT WAS GOING TO DIE.
1249
00:41:36,219 --> 00:41:39,110
>> FORMER PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA
1250
00:41:39,110 --> 00:41:44,119
WAS ALSO BACK ON THE CAMPAIGN
1251
00:41:39,110 --> 00:41:44,119
TRAIL THIS WEEK.
1252
00:41:44,119 --> 00:41:48,210
IT WAS KIND OF JARRING TO SEE.
1253
00:41:44,119 --> 00:41:48,210
OBAMA'S PRESIDENCY SEEMED SO
1254
00:41:48,210 --> 00:41:49,210
LONG AGO.
1255
00:41:48,210 --> 00:41:49,210
IT'S EASY TO FORGET HE'S
1256
00:41:49,210 --> 00:41:51,110
15 YEARS YOUNGER THAN EITHER OF
1257
00:41:49,210 --> 00:41:51,110
THE CURRENT CANDIDATES.
1258
00:41:51,110 --> 00:41:53,139
YOU KNOW WHO ELSE IS YOUNGER
1259
00:41:51,110 --> 00:41:53,139
THAN THE CURRENT CANDIDATES?
1260
00:41:53,139 --> 00:42:00,250
THE GUYS WE ELECTED IN THE
1261
00:41:53,139 --> 00:42:00,250
YEARS 2000 AND 1992.
1262
00:42:00,250 --> 00:42:04,000
IS IT JUST ME OR IS THAT INSANE?
1263
00:42:00,250 --> 00:42:04,000
THIS ELECTION IS THE EQUIVALENT
1264
00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:10,219
OF A BASEBALL TEAM GIVING A
1265
00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:10,219
FOUR-YEAR DEAL TO WILLIE MAYS
1266
00:42:10,219 --> 00:42:11,219
NOW.
1267
00:42:10,219 --> 00:42:11,219
>>> MANY AMERICANS ARE PREPARING
1268
00:42:11,219 --> 00:42:13,039
TO QUARANTINE AGAIN THIS WINTER.
1269
00:42:11,219 --> 00:42:13,039
HERE TO OFFER HER TIPS ON
1270
00:42:13,039 --> 00:42:18,130
QUARANTINING ALONE IS OUR VERY
1271
00:42:13,039 --> 00:42:18,130
OWN MELISSA VILLASENOR.
1272
00:42:18,130 --> 00:42:23,039
>> THANKS, COLIN.
1273
00:42:18,130 --> 00:42:23,039
HEY, NICE SUIT.
1274
00:42:23,039 --> 00:42:26,090
>> THANKS, MELISSA.
1275
00:42:23,039 --> 00:42:26,090
SO, WE'RE ALL BACK AT WORK NOW,
1276
00:42:26,090 --> 00:42:28,059
BUT BEFORE THAT YOU SPENT MOST
1277
00:42:26,090 --> 00:42:28,059
OF QUARANTINE BY YOURSELF,
1278
00:42:28,059 --> 00:42:31,170
RIGHT?
1279
00:42:28,059 --> 00:42:31,170
>> WOW, COLIN, WAY TO THROW IT
1280
00:42:31,170 --> 00:42:33,139
IN MY FACE.
1281
00:42:31,170 --> 00:42:33,139
I SAY NICE SUIT, AND YOU SAY,
1282
00:42:33,139 --> 00:42:40,050
YOU'RE ALWAYS ALONE.
1283
00:42:33,139 --> 00:42:40,050
>> I'M SORRY.
1284
00:42:40,050 --> 00:42:44,039
THAT WAS PRETTY HARSH.
1285
00:42:40,050 --> 00:42:44,039
SORRY, MELISSA.
1286
00:42:44,039 --> 00:42:45,219
>> IT'S OKAY.
1287
00:42:44,039 --> 00:42:45,219
BUT YOU'RE RIGHT, THOUGH.
1288
00:42:45,219 --> 00:42:46,210
IT WASN'T SUPER FUN ALL THE
1289
00:42:45,219 --> 00:42:46,210
TIME.
1290
00:42:46,210 --> 00:42:49,099
AT FIRST ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS
1291
00:42:46,210 --> 00:42:49,099
WATCH SILLY STUPID STUFF.
1292
00:42:49,099 --> 00:42:51,289
SO I FOUND THAT OLD SHOW
1293
00:42:49,099 --> 00:42:51,289
"THE LITTLE RASCALS."
1294
00:42:51,289 --> 00:42:54,030
I WOULD LAUGH SO HARD I COULDN'T
1295
00:42:51,289 --> 00:42:54,030
MAKE OUT A SINGLE WORD THEY WERE
1296
00:42:54,030 --> 00:43:04,050
SAYING.
1297
00:42:54,030 --> 00:43:04,050
IT SOUNDED LIKE THIS --
1298
00:43:04,050 --> 00:43:07,159
OH, NO.
1299
00:43:04,050 --> 00:43:07,159
HAMBURGER.
1300
00:43:07,159 --> 00:43:12,039
>> YEAH, ALL I UNDERSTOOD WAS
1301
00:43:07,159 --> 00:43:12,039
HAMBURGER.
1302
00:43:12,039 --> 00:43:13,219
>> I WAS LIKE, MAN, IT MUST HAVE
1303
00:43:12,039 --> 00:43:13,219
BEEN SO FUN TO BE A LITTLE
1304
00:43:13,219 --> 00:43:15,090
RASCAL.
1305
00:43:13,219 --> 00:43:15,090
THEN I LOOKED IT UP.
1306
00:43:15,090 --> 00:43:17,179
IT WAS NOT VERY FUN TO BE A
1307
00:43:15,090 --> 00:43:17,179
LITTLE RASCAL.
1308
00:43:17,179 --> 00:43:22,199
>> YEAH, THAT'S A BUMMER TO LOOK
1309
00:43:17,179 --> 00:43:22,199
INTO.
1310
00:43:22,199 --> 00:43:24,090
>> YOU KNOW WHAT ALWAYS CHEERS
1311
00:43:22,199 --> 00:43:24,090
ME UP THOUGH?
1312
00:43:24,090 --> 00:43:31,190
EXERCISING.
1313
00:43:24,090 --> 00:43:31,190
ONE DAY I WAS DOING A WALL SIT
1314
00:43:31,190 --> 00:43:34,019
FOR A WHOLE MINUTE.
1315
00:43:31,190 --> 00:43:34,019
THEN I SNEEZED LIKE THIS.
1316
00:43:34,019 --> 00:43:36,210
AHH!
1317
00:43:34,019 --> 00:43:36,210
ALL MY GAMERS OUT THERE KNOW
1318
00:43:36,210 --> 00:43:39,250
WHAT THAT SOUNDS LIKE.
1319
00:43:36,210 --> 00:43:39,250
THAT'S LINK FROM ZELDA.
1320
00:43:39,250 --> 00:43:45,170
I'M SITTING THERE, LEGS ON FIRE,
1321
00:43:39,250 --> 00:43:45,170
SNEEZING LIKE LINK.
1322
00:43:45,170 --> 00:43:46,250
AND THEN I PEED A LITTLE.
1323
00:43:45,170 --> 00:43:46,250
IT HAPPENS, YOU KNOW.
1324
00:43:46,250 --> 00:43:48,280
IT WAS REALLY FUNNY.
1325
00:43:46,250 --> 00:43:48,280
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE.
1326
00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:51,010
>> REALLY BUMMED I MISSED IT.
1327
00:43:48,280 --> 00:43:51,010
>> I ALSO GOT PRETTY CREATIVE.
1328
00:43:51,010 --> 00:43:52,139
I SAW THAT TIKTOK OF THAT GUY
1329
00:43:51,010 --> 00:43:52,139
SKATEBOARDING TO FLEETWOOD MAC.
1330
00:43:52,139 --> 00:43:56,070
SO I THOUGHT I WOULD RECREATE IT
1331
00:43:52,139 --> 00:43:56,070
MYSELF, YOU KNOW?
1332
00:43:56,070 --> 00:43:57,190
BUT INSTEAD OF CRANBERRY JUICE,
1333
00:43:56,070 --> 00:43:57,190
I WAS HOLDING MY CAT, ELLA.
1334
00:43:57,190 --> 00:43:59,130
SO I'M SKATEBOARDING, HOLDING
1335
00:43:57,190 --> 00:43:59,130
ELLA, SINGING TO HER --
1336
00:43:59,130 --> 00:44:09,150
♪ NOW HERE YOU PURR AGAIN
1337
00:43:59,130 --> 00:44:09,150
YOU SAY YOU WANT YOUR DINNER ♪
1338
00:44:09,150 --> 00:44:15,219
♪ WAIT I DON'T KNOW
1339
00:44:09,150 --> 00:44:15,219
HOW TO SKATEBOARD ♪
1340
00:44:15,219 --> 00:44:20,090
♪ I'M FALLING DOWN INTO A
1341
00:44:15,219 --> 00:44:20,090
CREEK ♪
1342
00:44:20,090 --> 00:44:25,030
♪ OH NO, I PEED AGAIN ♪
1343
00:44:20,090 --> 00:44:25,030
>> YOU PEED AGAIN?
1344
00:44:25,030 --> 00:44:26,139
>> YEAH, I'M GLAD YOU WEREN'T
1345
00:44:25,030 --> 00:44:26,139
THERE FOR THAT ONE.
1346
00:44:26,139 --> 00:44:28,170
BUT COLIN, I COULDN'T HAVE
1347
00:44:26,139 --> 00:44:28,170
GOTTEN THROUGH QUARANTINE
1348
00:44:28,170 --> 00:44:30,269
WITHOUT RELAXING MUSIC.
1349
00:44:28,170 --> 00:44:30,269
MY FAVORITE IS SIA BECAUSE SHE
1350
00:44:30,269 --> 00:44:33,079
ALWAYS SOUNDS LIKE SHE'S BUNDLED
1351
00:44:30,269 --> 00:44:33,079
UP IN BED.
1352
00:44:33,079 --> 00:44:34,150
♪ PARTY GIRLS
1353
00:44:33,079 --> 00:44:34,150
DON'T GET HURT
1354
00:44:34,150 --> 00:44:36,179
CAN'T FEEL ANYTHING
1355
00:44:34,150 --> 00:44:36,179
WHEN WILL I LEARN ♪
1356
00:44:36,179 --> 00:44:38,219
♪ I PUSH IT DOWN
1357
00:44:36,179 --> 00:44:38,219
I PUSH IT DOWN ♪
1358
00:44:38,219 --> 00:44:41,119
>> COME ON, SIA, START THE DAY.
1359
00:44:38,219 --> 00:44:41,119
>> MELISSA VILLASENOR, EVERYONE.
1360
00:44:41,119 --> 00:44:48,059
>> I WANT TO TICKLE MY FRIENDS
1361
00:44:41,119 --> 00:44:48,059
AGAIN.
1362
00:44:48,059 --> 00:44:50,130
>> "NEW YORKER" REPORTER JEFFREY
1363
00:44:48,059 --> 00:44:50,130
TOOBIN HAS BEEN SUSPENDED AFTER
1364
00:44:50,130 --> 00:44:52,280
TOOBIN HAS BEEN SUSPENDED AFTER
1365
00:44:50,130 --> 00:44:52,280
GETTING CAUGHT MASTURBATING ON A
1366
00:44:52,280 --> 00:44:57,190
ZOOM CALL.
1367
00:44:52,280 --> 00:44:57,190
AND HE'S FROM THE "NEW YORKER"
1368
00:44:57,190 --> 00:45:05,199
SO YOU KNOW THAT JERK WAS DRY AS
1369
00:44:57,190 --> 00:45:05,199
HELL.
1370
00:45:05,199 --> 00:45:08,289
WHATEVER, MAN.
1371
00:45:05,199 --> 00:45:08,289
I STAND BY IT.
1372
00:45:08,289 --> 00:45:10,019
>> YEAH.
1373
00:45:08,289 --> 00:45:10,019
SENATOR MAJORITY LEADER MITCH
1374
00:45:10,019 --> 00:45:14,090
McCONNELL, SEEN HERE AFTER
1375
00:45:10,019 --> 00:45:14,090
PHYSICALLY FIGHTING WITH
1376
00:45:14,090 --> 00:45:20,219
DEATH -- DID NOT ANSWER
1377
00:45:14,090 --> 00:45:20,219
QUESTIONS ABOUT BRUISES AND
1378
00:45:20,219 --> 00:45:22,099
BANDAGES SEEN ON HIS FACE AND
1379
00:45:20,219 --> 00:45:22,099
HANDS, SAYING THERE WERE NO
1380
00:45:22,099 --> 00:45:28,159
CONCERNS.
1381
00:45:22,099 --> 00:45:28,159
BY THE WAY, NO CONCERNS IS ALSO
1382
00:45:28,159 --> 00:45:33,230
WHAT McCONNELL WHISPERS WHEN HE
1383
00:45:28,159 --> 00:45:33,230
SEES A BABY STROLLER ROLLING
1384
00:45:33,230 --> 00:45:38,139
DOWNHILL INTO ONCOMING TRAFFIC.
1385
00:45:33,230 --> 00:45:38,139
>> POPEYE'S CHICKEN ANNOUNCED
1386
00:45:38,139 --> 00:45:40,079
THAT THEY'RE BRINGING BACK CAJUN
1387
00:45:38,139 --> 00:45:40,079
STYLE TURKEYS FOR THANKSGIVING.
1388
00:45:40,079 --> 00:45:44,000
IT'S A RARE PIECE OF GOOD NEWS
1389
00:45:40,079 --> 00:45:44,000
FOR PEOPLE WHO SPEND
1390
00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:49,230
THANKSGIVING AT POPEYE'S.
1391
00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:49,230
>>> NASA HAS ANNOUNCED PLANS TO
1392
00:45:49,230 --> 00:45:52,119
PUT A FULL 4G CELL PHONE NETWORK
1393
00:45:49,230 --> 00:45:52,119
ON THE MOON.
1394
00:45:52,119 --> 00:45:55,019
WHILE AT&T HAS ANNOUNCED PLANS
1395
00:45:52,119 --> 00:45:55,019
TO PUT ALMOST TWO BARS ON YOUR
1396
00:45:55,019 --> 00:46:01,110
EARTH PHONE.
1397
00:45:55,019 --> 00:46:01,110
>>> MATTEL ANNOUNCED PLANS FOR
1398
00:46:01,110 --> 00:46:04,010
AN ELTON JOHN THEMED BARBIE
1399
00:46:01,110 --> 00:46:04,010
DOLL.
1400
00:46:04,010 --> 00:46:15,059
FINALLY, SAID KEN.
1401
00:46:04,010 --> 00:46:15,059
>> THE EX-WIFE OF SINGER PHIL
1402
00:46:15,059 --> 00:46:16,280
COLLINS HAS ALLEGEDLY OCCUPIED
1403
00:46:15,059 --> 00:46:16,280
THEIR MIAMI MANSION AND HIRED
1404
00:46:16,280 --> 00:46:19,130
ARMED GUARDS TO PROTECT IT.
1405
00:46:16,280 --> 00:46:19,130
IN THE MEANTIME COLLINS IS
1406
00:46:19,130 --> 00:46:32,050
STAYING AT A NEARBY
1407
00:46:19,130 --> 00:46:32,050
STU-STU-STUDIO APARTMENT.
1408
00:46:32,050 --> 00:46:33,280
>> RESIDENTS IN ROME ARE UPSET
1409
00:46:32,050 --> 00:46:33,280
AFTER A WILD BOAR AND HER SIX
1410
00:46:33,280 --> 00:46:35,260
PIGLETS WERE KILLED ON A
1411
00:46:33,280 --> 00:46:35,260
PLAYGROUND NEAR THE VATICAN.
1412
00:46:35,260 --> 00:46:39,000
BUT IT'S LIKE THEY SAY, NOTHING
1413
00:46:35,260 --> 00:46:39,000
GOOD EVER HAPPENS ON A
1414
00:46:39,000 --> 00:46:44,219
PLAYGROUND NEAR THE VATICAN.
1415
00:46:39,000 --> 00:46:44,219
THANK YOU.
1416
00:46:44,219 --> 00:46:49,150
THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
1417
00:46:44,219 --> 00:46:49,150
THANK YOU.
1418
00:46:49,150 --> 00:47:04,289
>> GERMAN RESEARCHERS RECORDED
1419
00:46:49,150 --> 00:47:04,289
THE SHORTEST.
1420
00:47:04,289 --> 00:47:10,090
>> RAPPER NELLY WILL BE APPEARS
1421
00:47:04,289 --> 00:47:10,090
ON A NEW LINE OF BUDWEISER CANS,
1422
00:47:10,090 --> 00:47:14,230
RIGHT UNDERNEATH THE WORD
1423
00:47:10,090 --> 00:47:14,230
MISSING.
1424
00:47:14,230 --> 00:47:20,010
MISSING.
1425
00:47:14,230 --> 00:47:20,010
>> IF YOU HAVE BEEN WATCHING THE
1426
00:47:20,010 --> 00:47:23,150
TRUMP RALLIES YOU PROBABLY
1427
00:47:20,010 --> 00:47:23,150
NOTICED TRUMP DANCING TO THE
1428
00:47:23,150 --> 00:47:25,030
VILLAGE PEOPLE.
1429
00:47:23,150 --> 00:47:25,030
IF YOU HAVEN'T, LET'S TAKE A
1430
00:47:25,030 --> 00:47:30,219
LOOK.
1431
00:47:25,030 --> 00:47:30,219
♪ YOUNG MAN
1432
00:47:30,219 --> 00:47:34,190
THERE'S NO NEED TO
1433
00:47:30,219 --> 00:47:34,190
FEEL DOWN ♪
1434
00:47:34,190 --> 00:47:35,289
>> IT'S GREAT.
1435
00:47:34,190 --> 00:47:35,289
HERE WITH A MESSAGE RESPONDING
1436
00:47:35,289 --> 00:47:43,219
TO DONALD TRUMP ARE THE VILLAGE
1437
00:47:35,289 --> 00:47:43,219
PEOPLE.
1438
00:47:43,219 --> 00:48:37,079
♪ STOP IT ♪
1439
00:47:43,219 --> 00:48:37,079
♪ YEAH I'M TALKING TO YOU ♪
1440
00:48:37,079 --> 00:48:40,230
YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT.
1441
00:48:37,079 --> 00:48:40,230
>> WHAT?
1442
00:48:40,230 --> 00:48:44,199
I MEAN, WHY?
1443
00:48:40,230 --> 00:48:44,199
IT'S JUST MUSIC, MAN.
1444
00:48:44,199 --> 00:48:49,239
WE'RE JUST SINGING.
1445
00:48:44,199 --> 00:48:49,239
>> NO, BECAUSE THAT'S A REALLY
1446
00:48:49,239 --> 00:48:56,050
SERIOUS ALLEGATION.
1447
00:48:49,239 --> 00:48:56,050
ALAN DERSHOWITZ FOR TRUMP?
1448
00:48:56,050 --> 00:49:02,170
>> HE FLIPPED.
1449
00:48:56,050 --> 00:49:02,170
DO YOU GUYS ALL FEEL THE SAME
1450
00:49:02,170 --> 00:49:04,199
WAY ABOUT TRUMP?
1451
00:49:02,170 --> 00:49:04,199
YOU'RE ALL FROM DIFFERENT WALKS
1452
00:49:04,199 --> 00:49:06,110
OF LIFE, RIGHT?
1453
00:49:04,199 --> 00:49:06,110
>> IT'S KIND OF COMPLICATED.
1454
00:49:06,110 --> 00:49:57,039
YOU SEE --
1455
00:49:06,110 --> 00:49:57,039
♪ THE SOLDIER SAID THAT
1456
00:49:57,039 --> 00:50:00,150
WAIT, YOU'RE SAYING YOU'RE GOING
1457
00:49:57,039 --> 00:50:00,150
SHAVE IVANKA'S HEAD?
1458
00:50:00,150 --> 00:50:05,010
YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT.
1459
00:50:00,150 --> 00:50:05,010
THAT'S GOT TO BE, LIKE A FELONY.
1460
00:50:05,010 --> 00:50:08,079
>> HEY, MAN, EVERYTHING IS LEGAL
1461
00:50:05,010 --> 00:50:08,079
IF YOU SING IT IN A SONG.
1462
00:50:08,079 --> 00:50:12,130
>> THAT'S NOT TRUE.
1463
00:50:08,079 --> 00:50:12,130
VILLAGE PEOPLE, EVERYONE.
1464
00:50:12,130 --> 00:50:28,019
>> I LIKE IT.
1465
00:50:12,130 --> 00:50:28,019
>> GOODNIGHT!!!!
1466
00:50:28,019 --> 00:50:31,059
>>> I'M SO GLAD WE COULD ALL GET
1467
00:50:28,019 --> 00:50:31,059
TOGETHER TO VISIT GRANDMA.
1468
00:50:31,059 --> 00:50:32,289
>> SO, HOW DOES THIS WORK?
1469
00:50:31,059 --> 00:50:32,289
CAN WE GO INSIDE THE NURSING
1470
00:50:32,289 --> 00:50:38,260
HOME?
1471
00:50:32,289 --> 00:50:38,260
>> NO, THERE'S QUARANTINED,
1472
00:50:38,260 --> 00:50:40,070
BUT WE CAN STAND IN THE
1473
00:50:38,260 --> 00:50:40,070
COURTYARD AND SHOUT UP TO HER
1474
00:50:40,070 --> 00:50:45,159
BALCONY.
1475
00:50:40,070 --> 00:50:45,159
>> YEAH, LIKE ROMEO AND JULY
1476
00:50:45,159 --> 00:50:47,190
YET, EXCEPT OLD.
1477
00:50:45,159 --> 00:50:47,190
>> HERE SHE COMES.
1478
00:50:47,190 --> 00:50:50,159
>> BLANCH, PEOPLE ARE HERE TO
1479
00:50:47,190 --> 00:50:50,159
SEE YOU.
1480
00:50:50,159 --> 00:50:51,139
>> RIGHT.
1481
00:50:50,159 --> 00:50:51,139
>> GRANDMA, DOWN HERE.
1482
00:50:51,139 --> 00:50:53,210
>> HI, GRANDMA!
1483
00:50:51,139 --> 00:50:53,210
>> WHAT?
1484
00:50:53,210 --> 00:50:59,010
>> LOOK DOWN, GRANDMA.
1485
00:50:53,210 --> 00:50:59,010
>> OH!
1486
00:50:59,010 --> 00:51:04,260
GRANDCHILDREN!
1487
00:50:59,010 --> 00:51:04,260
>> HI, GRANDMA.
1488
00:51:04,260 --> 00:51:05,280
YOO-HOO!
1489
00:51:04,260 --> 00:51:05,280
>> OH, BABY.
1490
00:51:05,280 --> 00:51:10,190
ARE YOU COLD?
1491
00:51:05,280 --> 00:51:10,190
>> NO, I'M WEARING THAT SCARF
1492
00:51:10,190 --> 00:51:13,159
YOU KNIT ME.
1493
00:51:10,190 --> 00:51:13,159
>> YOU DID WHAT?
1494
00:51:13,159 --> 00:51:17,070
>> I'M WEARING THE SCARF YOU
1495
00:51:13,159 --> 00:51:17,070
MADE ME, SEE?
1496
00:51:17,070 --> 00:51:18,239
>> YOU SAID MY SCARF?
1497
00:51:17,070 --> 00:51:18,239
>> NO, YOU MADE ME A SCARF FOR
1498
00:51:18,239 --> 00:51:24,099
MY BIRTHDAY AND I'M WEARING IT.
1499
00:51:18,239 --> 00:51:24,099
>> THAT'S AMAZING.
1500
00:51:24,099 --> 00:51:26,090
WHO IS THAT MAN?
1501
00:51:24,099 --> 00:51:26,090
>> THIS IS MY BOYFRIEND, KEVIN.
1502
00:51:26,090 --> 00:51:30,150
YOU REMEMBER KEVIN.
1503
00:51:26,090 --> 00:51:30,150
>> ARIZONA.
1504
00:51:30,150 --> 00:51:33,199
>> THAT'S RIGHT, I'M FROM
1505
00:51:30,150 --> 00:51:33,199
ARIZONA.
1506
00:51:33,199 --> 00:51:37,119
>> OKAY.
1507
00:51:33,199 --> 00:51:37,119
SO WHAT'S DOING WITH WORK?
1508
00:51:37,119 --> 00:51:39,150
>> OH, CRAZY BUSY.
1509
00:51:37,119 --> 00:51:39,150
PEOPLE ALWAYS NEED DOGS.
1510
00:51:39,150 --> 00:51:41,030
THAT'S WHAT WE SELL.
1511
00:51:39,150 --> 00:51:41,030
>> NOT YOU, THE BOYFRIEND.
1512
00:51:41,030 --> 00:51:46,070
>> ME?
1513
00:51:41,030 --> 00:51:46,070
OH.
1514
00:51:46,070 --> 00:51:47,219
UM, DIDN'T EXPECT THAT.
1515
00:51:46,070 --> 00:51:47,219
ACTUALLY I'M IN A BIT OF AN
1516
00:51:47,219 --> 00:51:57,070
INTERESTING STATE RIGHT NOW.
1517
00:51:47,219 --> 00:51:57,070
MY CONTRACT ENDED APRIL AND NOW
1518
00:51:57,070 --> 00:51:58,239
I'M HELPING MY BUDDY WITH HIS
1519
00:51:57,070 --> 00:51:58,239
STARTUP WHICH JUST GOT AN ANGEL
1520
00:51:58,239 --> 00:52:00,119
INVESTOR.
1521
00:51:58,239 --> 00:52:00,119
SUPER EXCITING.
1522
00:52:00,119 --> 00:52:02,150
JUST TAKING A WHILE TO COME
1523
00:52:00,119 --> 00:52:02,150
THROUGH.
1524
00:52:02,150 --> 00:52:04,190
>> WHAT?
1525
00:52:02,150 --> 00:52:04,190
>> OH, I WAS SAYING MY LAST JOB
1526
00:52:04,190 --> 00:52:07,079
ENDED AND RIGHT NOW I'M SORT OF
1527
00:52:04,190 --> 00:52:07,079
IN A HOLDING PATTERN HELPING A
1528
00:52:07,079 --> 00:52:09,119
FRIEND GET HIS BUSINESS OFF THE
1529
00:52:07,079 --> 00:52:09,119
GROUND, BUT IT'S A WAITING GAME.
1530
00:52:09,119 --> 00:52:13,030
>> WHAT?
1531
00:52:09,119 --> 00:52:13,030
>> HE SAID HE'S IN A HOLDING
1532
00:52:13,030 --> 00:52:16,239
PATTERN.
1533
00:52:13,030 --> 00:52:16,239
JUST SLOWER BECAUSE OF COVID.
1534
00:52:16,239 --> 00:52:21,190
>> YEAH, MOSTLY JUST PUTTING OUT
1535
00:52:16,239 --> 00:52:21,190
FEELERS FOR DIFFERENT GIGS.
1536
00:52:21,190 --> 00:52:26,170
>> YOU'RE WHAT?
1537
00:52:21,190 --> 00:52:26,170
>> I'M UNEMPLOYED.
1538
00:52:26,170 --> 00:52:27,199
I DON'T HAVE A JOB.
1539
00:52:26,170 --> 00:52:27,199
>> OH, OKAY.
1540
00:52:27,199 --> 00:52:29,030
>> I WANT ONE, AND I DON'T HAVE
1541
00:52:27,199 --> 00:52:29,030
ONE.
1542
00:52:29,030 --> 00:52:32,230
I'M TRYING TO GET ONE, BUT NO
1543
00:52:29,030 --> 00:52:32,230
ONE WILL LET ME HAVE ONE.
1544
00:52:32,230 --> 00:52:34,010
I DON'T HAVE A JOB.
1545
00:52:32,230 --> 00:52:34,010
>> BUT I DO HAVE A JOB, AND HE
1546
00:52:34,010 --> 00:52:35,119
DOES NOT, AND THAT BOTHERS BOTH
1547
00:52:34,010 --> 00:52:35,119
OF US.
1548
00:52:35,119 --> 00:52:41,210
SO MUCH.
1549
00:52:35,119 --> 00:52:41,210
>> YEAH, BECAUSE SHE MAKES,
1550
00:52:41,210 --> 00:52:43,090
I HAVE TO TAKE SOME OF IT,
1551
00:52:41,210 --> 00:52:43,090
BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A JOB.
1552
00:52:43,090 --> 00:52:46,139
>> ALL RIGHT.
1553
00:52:43,090 --> 00:52:46,139
>> BLANCH, WHY DON'T YOU SHOW
1554
00:52:46,139 --> 00:52:48,010
THEM THE BRACELET YOU MADE
1555
00:52:46,139 --> 00:52:48,010
TODAY.
1556
00:52:48,010 --> 00:52:52,239
>> OH, THAT'S LOVELY.
1557
00:53:02,139 --> 00:53:06,130
>> GRANDMA, YOU'LL LIKE THIS.
1558
00:53:02,139 --> 00:53:06,130
I BOUGHT A RECORD PLAYER.
1559
00:53:06,130 --> 00:53:09,110
>> OKAY, SHOT DOWN.
1560
00:53:06,130 --> 00:53:09,110
>> ONE OF YOU HAS A MUSCULAR
1561
00:53:09,110 --> 00:53:12,030
HUSBAND, DEVIN.
1562
00:53:09,110 --> 00:53:12,030
WHERE'S HANDSOME DEVIN?
1563
00:53:12,030 --> 00:53:15,230
>> THAT'S ME.
1564
00:53:12,030 --> 00:53:15,230
GRANDMA, DEVIN AND I WENT
1565
00:53:15,230 --> 00:53:22,019
THROUGH A LOT WITH QUARANTINE,
1566
00:53:15,230 --> 00:53:22,019
AND WE REALIZE THAT -- WELL,
1567
00:53:22,019 --> 00:53:27,110
THERE'S A RELATIONSHIP EXPERT
1568
00:53:22,019 --> 00:53:27,110
WHO SAYS THAT FRENCH PEOPLE
1569
00:53:27,110 --> 00:53:28,289
DON'T ASK THEIR PARTNER TO BE
1570
00:53:27,110 --> 00:53:28,289
THEIR LOVER AND THEIR BEST
1571
00:53:28,289 --> 00:53:31,019
FRIEND, YOU KNOW?
1572
00:53:28,289 --> 00:53:31,019
>> WHAT?
1573
00:53:31,019 --> 00:53:35,250
>> I WAS SAYING THE PRESSURE OF
1574
00:53:31,019 --> 00:53:35,250
BEING AROUND EACH OTHER WITHOUT
1575
00:53:35,250 --> 00:53:37,190
ANY DISTRACTIONS, WE REALIZED
1576
00:53:35,250 --> 00:53:37,190
WE AREN'T GOOD AT BEING MARRIED
1577
00:53:37,190 --> 00:53:40,179
TO EACH OTHER.
1578
00:53:37,190 --> 00:53:40,179
>> WHAT?
1579
00:53:40,179 --> 00:53:48,159
>> HE SAID HE WANTED TO BE OPEN.
1580
00:53:40,179 --> 00:53:48,159
>> OPEN WHAT?
1581
00:53:48,159 --> 00:53:50,039
>> HE DUMPED MY ASS, GRANDMA!
1582
00:53:48,159 --> 00:53:50,039
WE HAD A THREE-WAY AND HE LIKED
1583
00:53:50,039 --> 00:53:54,110
HER BETTER.
1584
00:53:50,039 --> 00:53:54,110
>> OKAY.
1585
00:53:54,110 --> 00:53:56,139
>> YEAH.
1586
00:53:54,110 --> 00:53:56,139
HE OPENED THE RELATIONSHIP TO
1587
00:53:56,139 --> 00:53:58,179
HER AND CLOSED IT TO ME.
1588
00:53:56,139 --> 00:53:58,179
THEY NOW LIVE TOGETHER IN MY
1589
00:53:58,179 --> 00:54:03,110
HOUSE.
1590
00:53:58,179 --> 00:54:03,110
>> OKAY.
1591
00:54:03,110 --> 00:54:05,139
>> YEAH.
1592
00:54:03,110 --> 00:54:05,139
I STILL LIVE IN THE HOUSE
1593
00:54:05,139 --> 00:54:07,179
BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE I'M AT
1594
00:54:05,139 --> 00:54:07,179
RIGHT NOW.
1595
00:54:07,179 --> 00:54:10,230
>> OKAY.
1596
00:54:07,179 --> 00:54:10,230
>> DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT SHE
1597
00:54:10,230 --> 00:54:14,150
MEANS, BLANCH, THAT SHE HAD A
1598
00:54:10,230 --> 00:54:14,150
MAN AND NOW HE'S GONE NOW?
1599
00:54:14,150 --> 00:54:16,170
>> YEAH.
1600
00:54:14,150 --> 00:54:16,170
AND THE OTHER MAN?
1601
00:54:16,170 --> 00:54:21,099
>> ME?
1602
00:54:16,170 --> 00:54:21,099
I'M STILL UNEMPLOYED.
1603
00:54:21,099 --> 00:54:24,059
>> YEAH, WHEN I WAKE UP I GO TO
1604
00:54:21,099 --> 00:54:24,059
WORK, AND WHEN HE WAKES UP, HE
1605
00:54:24,059 --> 00:54:30,139
STAYS IN THE BED.
1606
00:54:24,059 --> 00:54:30,139
>> I AM LIKE A PET.
1607
00:54:30,139 --> 00:54:32,239
I DO NOT HAVE MONEY.
1608
00:54:30,139 --> 00:54:32,239
>> I'M DATING A MAN WITH NO JOB.
1609
00:54:32,239 --> 00:54:38,130
>> OKAY.
1610
00:54:32,239 --> 00:54:38,130
>> MAYBE IT'S TIME FOR DINNER.
1611
00:54:38,130 --> 00:54:43,230
>> WAIT, GRANDMA, YOU SAID
1612
00:54:38,130 --> 00:54:43,230
YOU REVISED YOUR WILL AND WANTED
1613
00:54:43,230 --> 00:54:46,119
TO READ IT TO US, RIGHT?
1614
00:54:43,230 --> 00:54:46,119
>> RIGHT.
1615
00:54:46,119 --> 00:54:50,219
OKEYDOKEY.
1616
00:54:46,119 --> 00:54:50,219
HERE WE GO.
1617
00:54:50,219 --> 00:54:59,219
MY DEAREST GRANDCHILDREN,
1618
00:54:50,219 --> 00:54:59,219
AS YOU KNOW I HAVE LIVED A LONG
1619
00:54:59,219 --> 00:55:06,019
INTERESTING LIFE, FULL OF
1620
00:54:59,219 --> 00:55:06,019
TRAVEL, CELEBRATIONS,
1621
00:55:06,019 --> 00:55:11,199
CASINOS AND SHOPPING SPREES.
1622
00:55:06,019 --> 00:55:11,199
>> WHAT?
1623
00:55:11,199 --> 00:55:13,210
>> WHILE SOME SAY YOU NEED TO
1624
00:55:11,199 --> 00:55:13,210
PUT AWAY FOR A RAINY DAY --
1625
00:55:13,210 --> 00:55:15,079
>> WHAT?
1626
00:55:13,210 --> 00:55:15,079
>> I ALWAYS BELIEVED LIFE IS A
1627
00:55:15,079 --> 00:55:18,019
LEMON THAT NEEDS TO BE SQUEEZED.
1628
00:55:15,079 --> 00:55:18,019
>> THERE'S NO INHERITANCE, IS
1629
00:55:18,019 --> 00:55:20,159
THERE?
1630
00:55:18,019 --> 00:55:20,159
>> NOPE, SPENT IT.
1631
00:55:20,159 --> 00:55:30,159
BROKE.
1632
00:55:20,159 --> 00:55:30,159
>> THANKS, GRANDMA.
1633
00:55:30,159 --> 00:55:32,030
>>> THE FOLLOWING IS A MESSAGE
1634
00:55:30,159 --> 00:55:32,030
FROM THE TOURISM BOARD OF
1635
00:55:32,030 --> 00:55:40,019
AFRICA.
1636
00:55:32,030 --> 00:55:40,019
>> SUN, RAYS, OCEAN, MOUNTAINS,
1637
00:55:40,019 --> 00:55:45,110
AND BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL AFRICA.
1638
00:55:40,019 --> 00:55:45,110
>> WITNESS THE WONDER, THE
1639
00:55:45,110 --> 00:55:49,179
ESCAPE, THE STORY.
1640
00:55:45,110 --> 00:55:49,179
>> THE SANDY BEACHES, THE
1641
00:55:49,179 --> 00:55:54,269
MASSIVE BAMBOO.
1642
00:55:49,179 --> 00:55:54,269
>> THE WILDLIFE.
1643
00:55:54,269 --> 00:55:57,150
THE CULTURE.
1644
00:55:54,269 --> 00:55:57,150
>> THE FOOD.
1645
00:55:57,150 --> 00:56:12,250
THE NIGHT LIFE.
1646
00:55:57,150 --> 00:56:12,250
>> TRIBESMEN.
1647
00:56:12,250 --> 00:56:14,130
>> THE HISTORY AND LUSH DANGLY
1648
00:56:12,250 --> 00:56:14,130
FOLIAGE.
1649
00:56:14,130 --> 00:56:17,190
>> TRIBESMEN.
1650
00:56:14,130 --> 00:56:17,190
>> LEAVE ORDINARY BEHIND.
1651
00:56:17,190 --> 00:56:26,059
>> AFTER MY DIVORCE I YEARNED
1652
00:56:17,190 --> 00:56:26,059
FOR A NEW BEGINNING.
1653
00:56:26,059 --> 00:56:31,130
>> AND WHERE BETTER TO START
1654
00:56:26,059 --> 00:56:31,130
ANEW THAN THE CRYSTAL WATERS AND
1655
00:56:31,130 --> 00:56:34,079
SANDY BEACHES OF AFRICA.
1656
00:56:31,130 --> 00:56:34,079
>> THE HUMPBACK WHALES, THE
1657
00:56:34,079 --> 00:56:38,269
TALL, TALL TRIBESMEN.
1658
00:56:34,079 --> 00:56:38,269
THE BAMBOO.
1659
00:56:38,269 --> 00:56:40,289
>> AFTER MY DIVORCE I TOOK IN
1660
00:56:38,269 --> 00:56:40,289
THE BREATHTAKING VIEWS AND
1661
00:56:40,289 --> 00:56:45,059
DELICIOUS CUISINE OF AFRICA.
1662
00:56:40,289 --> 00:56:45,059
>> WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
1663
00:56:45,059 --> 00:56:54,059
SET SAIL FOR AFRICA.
1664
00:56:45,059 --> 00:56:54,059
>> ALL OF AFRICA.
1665
00:56:54,059 --> 00:57:00,099
>> ZIMBABWE, KENYA.
1666
00:56:54,059 --> 00:57:00,099
>> GHANA, TANZANIA.
1667
00:57:00,099 --> 00:57:01,230
>> TRIBESMEN.
1668
00:57:00,099 --> 00:57:01,230
>> THE SKY, THE COCONUT WATER.
1669
00:57:01,230 --> 00:57:10,230
>> YOU'RE GOING TO WANT THAT
1670
00:57:01,230 --> 00:57:10,230
COCONUT WATER.
1671
00:57:10,230 --> 00:57:14,139
>> LAST NIGHT, I SAW THE FACE OF
1672
00:57:10,230 --> 00:57:14,139
GOD.
1673
00:57:14,139 --> 00:57:18,059
>> AFTER MY DIVORCE I MOVED
1674
00:57:14,139 --> 00:57:18,059
TO MOMBASA AND WAS TAKEN IN MY
1675
00:57:18,059 --> 00:57:22,289
THE MASAI TRIBE WHERE I WAS
1676
00:57:18,059 --> 00:57:22,289
ORDAINED AS A MINISTER OF JOY.
1677
00:57:22,289 --> 00:57:27,219
>> ME TOO.
1678
00:57:22,289 --> 00:57:27,219
>> ME THREE.
1679
00:57:27,219 --> 00:57:32,130
HI, I'M JOANN.
1680
00:57:27,219 --> 00:57:32,130
>> THAT'S OUR NAME TOO.
1681
00:57:32,130 --> 00:57:37,269
>> RIGHT ON.
1682
00:57:32,130 --> 00:57:37,269
>> I FIRST MOVED TO THE
1683
00:57:37,269 --> 00:57:39,139
BEAUTIFUL AFRICA AFTER MY
1684
00:57:37,269 --> 00:57:39,139
DIVORCE.
1685
00:57:39,139 --> 00:57:41,170
I MET A WONDERFUL FRIEND ON THE
1686
00:57:39,139 --> 00:57:41,170
COMPUTER, AND HE INVITED ME TO
1687
00:57:41,170 --> 00:57:44,070
THE LOVELY OCEAN WATERS OF
1688
00:57:41,170 --> 00:57:44,070
GAMBIA.
1689
00:57:44,070 --> 00:57:45,250
>> AH, GAMBIA.
1690
00:57:44,070 --> 00:57:45,250
SO MUCH BAMBOO.
1691
00:57:45,250 --> 00:57:48,139
>> BEAUCOUP BAMBOO.
1692
00:57:45,250 --> 00:57:48,139
>> ONCE I GOT HERE, I KNEW I HAD
1693
00:57:48,139 --> 00:57:55,190
TO EXPLORE THE REST OF THE
1694
00:57:48,139 --> 00:57:55,190
MAGICAL LANDS OF AFRICA.
1695
00:57:55,190 --> 00:57:59,289
>> JUNGLES, MOUNTAINS, THE
1696
00:57:55,190 --> 00:57:59,289
RANGES.
1697
00:57:59,289 --> 00:58:06,000
>> THE RIVER, THE DRUMS, THE
1698
00:57:59,289 --> 00:58:06,000
POUNDING.
1699
00:58:06,000 --> 00:58:12,269
>> THE FANNING YOURSELF WITH A
1700
00:58:06,000 --> 00:58:12,269
PALM BETWEEN ROUNDS.
1701
00:58:12,269 --> 00:58:18,210
>> I FOUND SUCH A DEEP, DEEP
1702
00:58:12,269 --> 00:58:18,210
CONNECTION HERE.
1703
00:58:18,210 --> 00:58:28,230
>> YOU CAN FEEL IT IN YOUR
1704
00:58:18,210 --> 00:58:28,230
STOMACH.
1705
00:58:28,230 --> 00:58:30,110
>>TELL YOUR TRAVEL AGENT YOU
1706
00:58:28,230 --> 00:58:30,110
WANT TO SEE AFRICA.
1707
00:58:30,110 --> 00:58:34,179
ALL OF IT.
1708
00:58:30,110 --> 00:58:34,179
>> FROM ANGOLA TO JAMAICA.
1709
00:58:34,179 --> 00:58:38,269
>> NOT EGYPT.
1710
00:58:34,179 --> 00:58:38,269
>> YES, VERY DRY THERE.
1711
00:58:38,269 --> 00:58:43,019
NO BAMBOO.
1712
00:58:38,269 --> 00:58:43,019
>> SO, LEAVE THE KIDS AT HOME.
1713
00:58:43,019 --> 00:58:48,039
>>LEAVE EVERYTHING AT HOME.
1714
00:58:43,019 --> 00:58:48,039
BRING NO ONE.
1715
00:58:48,039 --> 00:58:50,190
>> EXCEPT YOURSELF AND SOME
1716
00:58:48,039 --> 00:58:50,190
MONEY AND SOME MEN'S SNEAKERS.
1717
00:58:50,190 --> 00:58:52,219
>> AND DON'T TELL ANYBODY YOU'RE
1718
00:58:50,190 --> 00:58:52,219
GOING.
1719
00:58:52,219 --> 00:58:57,139
>> TO BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL
1720
00:58:52,219 --> 00:58:57,139
AFRICA.
1721
00:58:57,139 --> 00:58:58,219
>> AFRICA.
1722
00:58:57,139 --> 00:58:58,219
>> YOU'RE GOING TO WANT THAT
1723
00:58:58,219 --> 00:59:01,110
COCONUT WATER.
1724
00:58:58,219 --> 00:59:01,110
>> THE NUMBER ONE DESTINATION
1725
00:59:01,110 --> 00:59:03,239
FOR DIVORCEES OF A CERTAIN AGE.
1726
00:59:01,110 --> 00:59:03,239
AFRICA.
1727
00:59:03,239 --> 00:59:13,219
WE'LL LEAVE THE LIGHT ON FOR
1728
00:59:03,239 --> 00:59:13,219
YOU.
1729
00:59:13,219 --> 00:59:15,090
>>> ONCE AGAIN, THE DIVINE
1730
00:59:13,219 --> 00:59:15,090
H.E.R.
1731
00:59:15,090 --> 00:59:31,239
♪♪♪
1732
00:59:15,090 --> 00:59:31,239
♪ ONLY IF THE BOY'S BEEN
1733
00:59:31,239 --> 00:59:42,000
HOLDIN' ON ME
1734
00:59:31,239 --> 00:59:42,000
♪ I CAN'T WAIT TOO LONG
1735
00:59:42,000 --> 00:59:47,099
I DON'T WANT TO KEEP ♪
1736
00:59:42,000 --> 00:59:47,099
♪ HIS HARD'S DEEP ♪
1737
00:59:47,099 --> 00:59:56,099
♪ I WANT TO BE FREE ♪
1738
00:59:47,099 --> 00:59:56,099
♪ HOW DO YOU GET SO COMFORTABLE
1739
00:59:56,099 --> 01:00:02,269
THEN LEAVE? ♪
1740
00:59:56,099 --> 01:00:02,269
♪ SAY SOMETHING, BABY-SOMETHING
1741
01:00:02,269 --> 01:00:14,260
BABY ♪
1742
01:00:02,269 --> 01:00:14,260
♪ RUNNING TO YOU
1743
01:00:14,260 --> 01:00:16,289
RUNNING FROM ME ♪
1744
01:00:14,260 --> 01:00:16,289
♪ I DON'T WANT TO KEEP ON
1745
01:00:16,289 --> 01:00:19,170
DON'T WANT TO BE SO
1746
01:00:16,289 --> 01:00:19,170
DEPENDENT ON YOU ♪
1747
01:00:19,170 --> 01:00:23,079
♪ DEPENDENT ON ME
1748
01:00:19,170 --> 01:00:23,079
DON'T WANT TO BE
1749
01:00:23,079 --> 01:00:27,150
SOMEONE I DON'T KNOW ♪
1750
01:00:23,079 --> 01:00:27,150
♪ AND IF I HOLD ON TO YOU
1751
01:00:27,150 --> 01:00:32,070
I END UP HURTING ME ♪
1752
01:00:27,150 --> 01:00:32,070
♪ I KNOW IF I HOLD ON TO YOU
1753
01:00:32,070 --> 01:00:42,019
I'LL NEVER WANT TO LEAVE ♪
1754
01:00:32,070 --> 01:00:42,019
♪ DON'T LET ME, DON'T SET ME
1755
01:00:42,019 --> 01:00:51,219
FREE ♪
1756
01:00:42,019 --> 01:00:51,219
♪ OH ♪
1757
01:00:51,219 --> 01:00:58,170
♪ DON'T TAKE ME FOR GRANTED ♪
1758
01:00:51,219 --> 01:00:58,170
♪ NO ♪
1759
01:00:58,170 --> 01:01:04,210
♪ EVERY TIME I'M WEAK GETTING
1760
01:00:58,170 --> 01:01:04,210
LONG ♪
1761
01:01:04,210 --> 01:01:16,219
♪ DEEP IN MY BONES I KNOW ♪
1762
01:01:04,210 --> 01:01:16,219
♪ HOW DO YOU GET SOMEWHERE
1763
01:01:16,219 --> 01:01:25,110
COMFORTABLE AND LEAVE? ♪
1764
01:01:16,219 --> 01:01:25,110
♪ SAY SOMETHING, BABY-SOMETHING
1765
01:01:25,110 --> 01:01:28,210
TO ME ♪
1766
01:01:25,110 --> 01:01:28,210
♪ RUNNING TO YOU, RUNNING FROM
1767
01:01:28,210 --> 01:01:32,119
ME ♪
1768
01:01:28,210 --> 01:01:32,119
♪ I DON'T WANT TO KEEP ON ♪
1769
01:01:32,119 --> 01:01:41,039
♪ DON'T WANT TO BE SO DEPENDENT
1770
01:01:32,119 --> 01:01:41,039
ON YOU, DEPENDENT ON ME ♪
1771
01:01:41,039 --> 01:01:48,130
♪ SOMEONE I DON'T KNOW ♪
1772
01:01:41,039 --> 01:01:48,130
♪ AND IF I HOLD ON TO YOU ♪
1773
01:01:48,130 --> 01:01:57,130
♪ I'LL ONLY HURT ME ♪
1774
01:01:48,130 --> 01:01:57,130
♪ I KNOW IF I HOLD ON TO YOU ♪
1775
01:01:57,130 --> 01:02:09,139
♪ I'LL I'LL NEVER WANT TO BE,
1776
01:01:57,130 --> 01:02:09,139
YEAH ♪
1777
01:02:09,139 --> 01:02:14,230
♪ AND IF I HOLD ON TO YOU ♪
1778
01:02:09,139 --> 01:02:14,230
♪ I'LL ONLY HURT ME, BABY ♪
1779
01:02:14,230 --> 01:02:31,199
♪ I KNOW IF I HOLD TON TO YOU ♪
1780
01:02:14,230 --> 01:02:31,199
♪ I'LL NEVER WANT TO BE, YEAH ♪
1781
01:02:31,199 --> 01:02:46,000
♪ BABY YEAH ♪
1782
01:02:31,199 --> 01:02:46,000
♪ OH, I, KNOW I IF I HOLD ON TO
1783
01:02:46,000 --> 01:02:59,130
YOU I'M ONLY HURTING, YEAH ♪
1784
01:02:46,000 --> 01:02:59,130
♪ AS LONG AS I HOLD ON TO
1785
01:02:59,130 --> 01:03:08,159
YOU-I'LL NEVER WANT TO BE ♪♪♪
1786
01:03:18,260 --> 01:03:27,110
♪♪♪
1787
01:03:18,260 --> 01:03:27,110
>>> DANG, CHARLISE YOU LOOK
1788
01:03:27,110 --> 01:03:31,139
AMAZING IN THOSE JEANS,
1789
01:03:27,110 --> 01:03:31,139
AND YOU SMELL GREAT, TOO.
1790
01:03:31,139 --> 01:03:36,070
WHAT'S YOUR SECRET?
1791
01:03:31,139 --> 01:03:36,070
>> WHY, THEY'RE MY ASS ANGEL
1792
01:03:36,070 --> 01:03:42,139
PERFUME JEANS OF COURSE.
1793
01:03:36,070 --> 01:03:42,139
>> PERFUME JEANS?
1794
01:03:42,139 --> 01:03:47,230
OOH, GORGEOUS.
1795
01:03:42,139 --> 01:03:47,230
CAN I GET A PAIR?
1796
01:03:47,230 --> 01:03:49,110
>> SWEET SMELLING BOOTY.
1797
01:03:47,230 --> 01:03:49,110
THESE JEANS ARE FROM HEAVEN
1798
01:03:49,110 --> 01:03:54,199
ABOVE.
1799
01:03:49,110 --> 01:03:54,199
♪ SHE'S GOT THE ASS OF AN ANGEL
1800
01:03:54,199 --> 01:03:56,230
AND NOW SHE SMELLS LIKE ONE
1801
01:03:54,199 --> 01:03:56,230
TOO ♪
1802
01:03:56,230 --> 01:04:03,050
♪ SHE'S GOT THE ASS OF AN ANGEL
1803
01:03:56,230 --> 01:04:03,050
YOU CAN SMELL THAT IT'S TRUE ♪
1804
01:04:03,050 --> 01:04:06,099
>> ASS ANGEL JEANS ARE THE ONLY
1805
01:04:03,050 --> 01:04:06,099
JEANS THAT COVER YOUR SECRET
1806
01:04:06,099 --> 01:04:12,179
LADY SCENTS.
1807
01:04:06,099 --> 01:04:12,179
DON'T WORRY, GIRL.
1808
01:04:12,179 --> 01:04:15,179
ALL I CAN SMELL IS CINNAMON
1809
01:04:12,179 --> 01:04:15,179
SUGAR SWIRL.
1810
01:04:15,179 --> 01:04:20,000
>> HE KNOWS THE BOOTY LOOK LIKE
1811
01:04:15,179 --> 01:04:20,000
CAKE, BUT NOW IT SMELLS LIKE ONE
1812
01:04:20,000 --> 01:04:21,280
TOO.
1813
01:04:20,000 --> 01:04:21,280
>> BLOW OUT THE CANDLES AND TAKE
1814
01:04:21,280 --> 01:04:25,030
A BITE.
1815
01:04:21,280 --> 01:04:25,030
♪ PERFUMED AROMA AND I'M
1816
01:04:25,030 --> 01:04:28,289
TALKING BACK DOOR ♪
1817
01:04:25,030 --> 01:04:28,289
♪ SHE'S GOT THE ASS OF AN
1818
01:04:28,289 --> 01:04:33,019
ANGEL ♪
1819
01:04:28,289 --> 01:04:33,019
♪ WANT TO SMELL IT SOME MORE ♪
1820
01:04:33,019 --> 01:04:37,079
>> ASS ANGEL PERFUME JEANS ARE
1821
01:04:33,019 --> 01:04:37,079
ALSO MADE OF LAVENDER, ROSE,
1822
01:04:37,079 --> 01:04:42,030
AND LOADS OF AWESOME INDUSTRIAL
1823
01:04:37,079 --> 01:04:42,030
CHEMICALS.
1824
01:04:42,030 --> 01:04:45,059
>> THAT'S A WHOLE LOT OF SMELL.
1825
01:04:42,030 --> 01:04:45,059
I GOT TO SIT DOWN.
1826
01:04:45,059 --> 01:04:56,210
>> OH, NO, NOT ON THE FURNITURE.
1827
01:04:45,059 --> 01:04:56,210
>> OH, WOW, MY BUTT -- THE SEAT.
1828
01:04:56,210 --> 01:05:01,119
>> THAT'S THE MAGIC OF THE
1829
01:04:56,210 --> 01:05:01,119
JEANS, OF COURSE.
1830
01:05:01,119 --> 01:05:02,230
>>HEY, I WENT TO THE BATHROOM
1831
01:05:01,119 --> 01:05:02,230
EARLIER AND IT STUNG WHEN I
1832
01:05:02,230 --> 01:05:04,019
TINKLED.
1833
01:05:02,230 --> 01:05:04,019
IS THAT THE JEANS?
1834
01:05:04,019 --> 01:05:05,260
>> UH-HUH.
1835
01:05:04,019 --> 01:05:05,260
DO NOT WEAR THESE JEANS IF YOU
1836
01:05:05,260 --> 01:05:08,250
HAVE KIDNEY OR LIVER PROBLEMS.
1837
01:05:05,260 --> 01:05:08,250
>> SMELLING GOOD, LADIES.
1838
01:05:08,250 --> 01:05:10,130
WOW.
1839
01:05:08,250 --> 01:05:10,130
THAT ASS IS HOT.
1840
01:05:10,130 --> 01:05:12,210
>> AND SO MY FRONT.
1841
01:05:10,130 --> 01:05:12,210
>> NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
1842
01:05:12,210 --> 01:05:29,119
I HAVE TO GO SING.
1843
01:05:12,210 --> 01:05:29,119
♪ DO THEY WEAR JEANS
1844
01:05:29,119 --> 01:05:33,260
IN HEAVEN? ♪
1845
01:05:29,119 --> 01:05:33,260
♪ THAT ASS OF MY PRAYERS ♪
1846
01:05:33,260 --> 01:05:35,019
>> ASS ANGEL JEANS.
1847
01:05:33,260 --> 01:05:35,019
CONSULT YOUR DOCTOR BEFORE
1848
01:05:35,019 --> 01:05:37,269
PURCHASING.
1849
01:05:47,070 --> 01:05:58,260
>>> THANK YOU TO H.E.R., ALEC
1850
01:05:47,070 --> 01:05:58,260
BALDWIN, JIM CARREY.
1851
01:05:58,260 --> 01:06:01,159
THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.
1852
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I HAD TO TIME OF MY LIFE.
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DON'T FORGET TO VOTE!
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♪♪♪
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