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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:34,634 --> 00:00:38,070 ♪ The closer you get to me ♪ 2 00:00:38,138 --> 00:00:40,538 ♪ I feel you pull away ♪ 3 00:00:40,607 --> 00:00:47,240 ♪ As crazy as you seem to be, I know you're just afraid ♪ 4 00:00:47,313 --> 00:00:51,010 ♪ Stop making up excuses, honey ♪ 5 00:00:51,084 --> 00:00:54,144 ♪ I've heard all kinds of lies ♪ 6 00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:55,881 ♪ Stop taking a ride ♪ 7 00:00:55,955 --> 00:00:57,513 ♪ You're meant for me ♪ 8 00:00:57,590 --> 00:01:01,492 ♪ Here comes the big surprise ♪ 9 00:01:01,561 --> 00:01:05,019 ♪ Won't you get over it? ♪ 10 00:01:05,098 --> 00:01:06,998 ♪ I do ♪ 11 00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:12,198 ♪ I know that it scares you a little bit ♪ 12 00:01:12,272 --> 00:01:13,933 ♪ Get over it ♪ 13 00:01:14,007 --> 00:01:16,066 ♪ Get over it ♪ 14 00:01:29,589 --> 00:01:32,023 ♪ I think you can handle this ♪ 15 00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:35,323 ♪ Have your cake and eat it, too ♪ 16 00:01:35,395 --> 00:01:38,660 ♪ Sometimes a kiss is just a kiss ♪ 17 00:01:38,731 --> 00:01:42,030 ♪ I'm not asking much of you ♪ 18 00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:45,970 ♪ And I can't tell you why or how I know ♪ 19 00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:49,065 ♪ You're taking me all wrong ♪ 20 00:01:49,142 --> 00:01:50,837 ♪ Chill out, relax ♪ 21 00:01:50,910 --> 00:01:52,775 ♪ See how this goes ♪ 22 00:01:52,846 --> 00:01:56,373 ♪ You'll thank me later on ♪ 23 00:01:56,449 --> 00:01:59,885 ♪ Won't you get over it? ♪ 24 00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:02,012 ♪ I do ♪ 25 00:02:02,088 --> 00:02:05,387 ♪ I know that it scares you ♪ 26 00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:11,488 ♪ To have to admit to that you love me ♪ 27 00:02:11,564 --> 00:02:15,398 ♪ Let's face it, you need me ♪ 28 00:02:15,468 --> 00:02:19,165 ♪ You know that you want me ♪ 29 00:02:19,239 --> 00:02:20,797 ♪ Get over it ♪ 30 00:02:20,874 --> 00:02:22,671 ♪ Get over it ♪ 31 00:02:22,742 --> 00:02:24,869 ♪ Get over it ♪ 32 00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:36,217 [ Rock music playing ] 33 00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:45,957 MAN: I'm parked in the back here. 34 00:02:46,032 --> 00:02:47,124 WOMAN: Okay. 35 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:49,065 Want to just leave your car? 36 00:02:51,237 --> 00:02:53,432 Coffee, Susan, please. 37 00:02:53,506 --> 00:02:55,133 With vanilla. 38 00:02:56,376 --> 00:02:57,434 Good day, Mrs. Mirabeau. 39 00:02:57,510 --> 00:02:59,375 -Ernie. -Carolina. 40 00:02:59,445 --> 00:03:01,003 And, of course, a good day 41 00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:04,277 to the fairy princess herself, Miss Georgia. 42 00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:07,148 How's married life treating you this week, Ernie? 43 00:03:07,220 --> 00:03:08,152 Uh, fine. 44 00:03:08,221 --> 00:03:09,245 Huh? 45 00:03:09,322 --> 00:03:10,550 Fine. Fine. 46 00:03:10,623 --> 00:03:11,749 Mm. 47 00:03:12,825 --> 00:03:14,452 It's another book. 48 00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:16,358 I didn't go through the eighth grade. 49 00:03:16,429 --> 00:03:19,091 My grandbaby here is reading "Anna Karena." 50 00:03:19,165 --> 00:03:20,689 "Anna Karenina." 51 00:03:20,767 --> 00:03:23,565 She jumped in front of a train when her boyfriend left her. 52 00:03:23,636 --> 00:03:25,627 Yeah. Well, Grandma's gotta pee. 53 00:03:25,705 --> 00:03:26,933 I want coffee, please. 54 00:03:27,006 --> 00:03:29,133 No. You're too little. 55 00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:30,574 You have coffee. 56 00:03:31,177 --> 00:03:33,407 Thank you. That'll be all, Susan. 57 00:03:39,819 --> 00:03:41,446 Ow! 58 00:03:41,521 --> 00:03:43,614 Do you know what? You're not a fairy princess. 59 00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:45,385 -You're a fairy bitch! -Yeah? 60 00:03:45,458 --> 00:03:48,018 You're a smart bitch. An ugly smart bitch. 61 00:03:48,094 --> 00:03:50,119 -No one will ever marry you. -I hate you! 62 00:03:50,196 --> 00:03:51,527 I hate you even more! 63 00:03:51,598 --> 00:03:54,431 -Look at my shoes! -So? What do I care? 64 00:03:54,500 --> 00:03:56,593 -You did that on purpose! -No, I didn't! 65 00:03:56,669 --> 00:03:58,068 -Yes, you did! -No! 66 00:03:58,137 --> 00:04:00,435 -Yes! -No! I didn't! 67 00:04:00,506 --> 00:04:01,598 Yes, you did! 68 00:04:01,674 --> 00:04:03,437 Oh, you're a bitch! 69 00:04:05,211 --> 00:04:07,406 Go ahead. Kill each other. 70 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:08,606 Don't worry about the mess. 71 00:04:08,681 --> 00:04:11,514 I'll hose it down when the killing's over. 72 00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:14,382 Friends. I need some peace. 73 00:04:14,454 --> 00:04:16,786 But you can't leave them with those butcher knives. 74 00:04:16,856 --> 00:04:18,824 They ain't that sharp. 75 00:04:45,051 --> 00:04:46,541 Georgia. 76 00:04:47,420 --> 00:04:49,547 We are not being raised right. 77 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:52,724 [ Horn honking ] 78 00:04:57,730 --> 00:04:59,425 [ Chuckles ] 79 00:04:59,499 --> 00:05:01,057 Daddy. 80 00:05:01,901 --> 00:05:06,736 Sweet girls, Daddy's got a surprise for you. 81 00:05:06,806 --> 00:05:08,239 A big surprise. 82 00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:10,276 Is it a puppy? 83 00:05:12,912 --> 00:05:15,437 [ Sighs ] Meet your new baby sister. 84 00:05:15,515 --> 00:05:17,278 Her name is Maine. 85 00:05:18,685 --> 00:05:20,016 Is her mama dead, too? 86 00:05:20,086 --> 00:05:23,385 No, her mom's in a crazy house in Bangor. 87 00:05:28,094 --> 00:05:29,493 Theodore! 88 00:05:30,530 --> 00:05:31,588 Hi, Mama. 89 00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:34,690 These better be your soiled shorts in here. 90 00:05:39,038 --> 00:05:41,506 -Give me those knives. -[ Horn honks ] 91 00:05:41,574 --> 00:05:44,543 Don't you family-honk me, you son of a bitch! 92 00:05:44,610 --> 00:05:46,578 Leave another child at my doorstep. 93 00:05:46,646 --> 00:05:49,080 Things are gonna be different for you, Maine. 94 00:05:49,649 --> 00:05:51,276 I promise you that. 95 00:06:01,427 --> 00:06:03,588 Thank you for coming in, John. 96 00:06:03,663 --> 00:06:05,392 So, you know how the show works, right? 97 00:06:05,465 --> 00:06:07,296 Yeah. You find me a date. 98 00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:09,460 [ Laughs ] Right. That is true. 99 00:06:09,535 --> 00:06:13,494 But first you need to tell me what you look for in a woman. 100 00:06:14,407 --> 00:06:16,034 Well, it's like this. 101 00:06:16,109 --> 00:06:18,907 I want to reenact every scene from "9 1/2 Weeks." 102 00:06:18,978 --> 00:06:21,913 You know that movie with Kim Basinger and that guy? 103 00:06:21,981 --> 00:06:25,940 So when I meet my date, I don't want to ever know her name. 104 00:06:26,018 --> 00:06:27,508 Are you following this, Carolina? 105 00:06:27,587 --> 00:06:28,918 Loud and clear, Dave. 106 00:06:28,988 --> 00:06:30,615 -John. -John. 107 00:06:31,190 --> 00:06:32,589 Hey. It's Maine. 108 00:06:32,658 --> 00:06:34,091 Code word "grim." 109 00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:35,627 John, this is my assistant, Snake. 110 00:06:35,695 --> 00:06:37,720 He's gonna take over for just one second, okay? 111 00:06:37,797 --> 00:06:41,164 -How do you know what I want -- -John, it's what I do. 112 00:06:42,101 --> 00:06:43,125 Maine? 113 00:06:43,202 --> 00:06:44,760 [ British accent ] Carolina? Love? 114 00:06:44,837 --> 00:06:46,498 Grandma broke my riding crop. 115 00:06:46,572 --> 00:06:48,039 Maine, you said code word "grim." 116 00:06:48,107 --> 00:06:50,940 And why are you speaking in that phony British accent? 117 00:06:51,010 --> 00:06:52,534 Grandma locked herself in the dressing room 118 00:06:52,612 --> 00:06:53,772 and won't come out. 119 00:06:53,846 --> 00:06:55,780 Okay. Tell me. 120 00:06:55,848 --> 00:06:58,476 [ Normal voice ] They advertised a VCR in the paper for $89. 121 00:06:58,551 --> 00:07:00,109 But the sale ended yesterday. 122 00:07:00,186 --> 00:07:02,313 So Grandma said, "That's a crock of shit," 123 00:07:02,388 --> 00:07:03,821 snapped my riding crop in half, 124 00:07:03,890 --> 00:07:06,620 and locked herself up in the dressing room two hours ago. 125 00:07:06,692 --> 00:07:09,183 Just so you know, you lost your accent on that last part. 126 00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:10,661 Is Georgia with you? 127 00:07:10,730 --> 00:07:13,426 [ British accent ] Why, yes. She is. 128 00:07:13,499 --> 00:07:14,966 Georgia, it's Carolina. 129 00:07:15,034 --> 00:07:16,763 Oh. Hey. What's up? 130 00:07:16,836 --> 00:07:17,768 Can't you do something 131 00:07:17,837 --> 00:07:19,737 before this ends up in another police report? 132 00:07:19,806 --> 00:07:22,240 -Maine! -Wait. We have movement. 133 00:07:22,308 --> 00:07:24,173 Get me some toilet paper, honey. 134 00:07:24,243 --> 00:07:26,643 'Cause I gotta go to the bathroom! 135 00:07:29,148 --> 00:07:31,878 $56.90, lady. You win. 136 00:07:57,043 --> 00:08:00,342 I want to experience you. 137 00:08:01,881 --> 00:08:03,075 Who? Me? 138 00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:04,946 Sorry I'm late. 139 00:08:05,017 --> 00:08:06,848 DAPHNE: [ With accent ] Darling! 140 00:08:06,919 --> 00:08:09,752 Oh! All my wonderful peoples. 141 00:08:09,822 --> 00:08:13,019 Daphne St. Claire is in the building. 142 00:08:13,092 --> 00:08:13,854 Oh! 143 00:08:13,926 --> 00:08:15,450 Ooh. Boychick. 144 00:08:15,528 --> 00:08:17,689 -Nice to see you. -How are you? Nice to see you. 145 00:08:17,763 --> 00:08:20,425 Hello, my dear. Oh, you came. 146 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,092 Would you look at all these people? 147 00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:23,863 They have been camped out for days. 148 00:08:23,936 --> 00:08:26,996 It's like a Pearl Jam concert. And you know why? 149 00:08:27,073 --> 00:08:29,473 No, Albert. Enlighten me. 150 00:08:29,542 --> 00:08:33,273 Daphne's books unlock the mysteries of love. 151 00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:34,676 We're next. 152 00:08:34,747 --> 00:08:37,477 ALBERT: Daphne is an oracle. 153 00:08:37,550 --> 00:08:41,111 What would the oracle say about the mysteries of my love life? 154 00:08:41,654 --> 00:08:43,679 You always pick the wrong guy. 155 00:08:43,756 --> 00:08:46,350 They either dump you or you dump them. 156 00:08:46,425 --> 00:08:48,120 You never get past the third date. 157 00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:50,958 That's not true. I have a fourth date tonight. 158 00:08:51,030 --> 00:08:51,962 Hmm. 159 00:08:52,031 --> 00:08:53,589 Have a nice day. 160 00:08:54,133 --> 00:08:55,100 Oh, wow. 161 00:08:56,068 --> 00:08:58,127 Miss St. Claire, I can't tell you what it means 162 00:08:58,204 --> 00:09:00,001 to finally meet you. 163 00:09:00,072 --> 00:09:02,131 Well, hello, darling. 164 00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:04,870 That's the second bad accent I've heard today. 165 00:09:05,978 --> 00:09:07,673 Who shall I make this out to? 166 00:09:07,747 --> 00:09:10,477 Albert Morris. 167 00:09:11,517 --> 00:09:12,950 I love all your books. 168 00:09:13,019 --> 00:09:15,613 They're just so... 169 00:09:15,688 --> 00:09:17,121 glamorous. 170 00:09:17,690 --> 00:09:18,657 Like you. 171 00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:21,693 Daphne, tell me, how do you write about love so well? 172 00:09:21,761 --> 00:09:23,524 Are you gay? 173 00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:26,763 Not gay. Just a fan. 174 00:09:26,832 --> 00:09:28,129 Oh. 175 00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:30,191 All hearts know about love. 176 00:09:30,269 --> 00:09:33,363 All you have to do is listen. 177 00:09:35,341 --> 00:09:37,138 She was good this time, wasn't she? 178 00:09:37,209 --> 00:09:39,177 She was sober this time. 179 00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:41,372 Your publisher should really hire a better actress 180 00:09:41,447 --> 00:09:43,210 for your next book. 181 00:09:43,282 --> 00:09:44,772 Remember, I want a full report 182 00:09:44,850 --> 00:09:46,818 of the fourth date in the morning. 183 00:09:50,456 --> 00:09:52,924 You have one message. 184 00:09:52,992 --> 00:09:55,483 Hi, Carolina. This is Blake. 185 00:09:55,561 --> 00:09:57,893 Listen. About tonight. 186 00:09:57,964 --> 00:09:58,953 Something came up. 187 00:09:59,031 --> 00:10:00,896 [ Beeps ] 188 00:10:31,831 --> 00:10:33,264 Morning. 189 00:10:37,370 --> 00:10:39,531 Good morning, Carolina. 190 00:10:39,939 --> 00:10:41,839 How was the fourth date? 191 00:10:42,575 --> 00:10:43,735 He canceled. 192 00:10:44,877 --> 00:10:46,037 He dumped you? 193 00:10:49,181 --> 00:10:50,273 Are you all right? 194 00:10:50,349 --> 00:10:52,010 Of course I am. 195 00:10:52,084 --> 00:10:54,143 I forgot about him already. 196 00:10:55,354 --> 00:10:57,379 You should move, Allie. 197 00:10:57,823 --> 00:11:00,383 You can afford a house in Beverly Hills adjacent. 198 00:11:00,459 --> 00:11:02,188 I hear they keep their car stereos 199 00:11:02,261 --> 00:11:03,990 for six months around there. 200 00:11:04,063 --> 00:11:05,530 I like the ambiance here. 201 00:11:05,598 --> 00:11:08,328 The ever-changing graffiti. 202 00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:12,167 The distinct aroma of urine in the air. 203 00:11:12,238 --> 00:11:15,867 Wondering why that helicopter keeps circling over my head. 204 00:11:16,442 --> 00:11:17,739 I like our morning ritual. 205 00:11:17,810 --> 00:11:20,108 It makes me feel like I got a real job. 206 00:11:20,179 --> 00:11:22,511 Have a great day at work. 207 00:11:22,581 --> 00:11:23,946 Yeah. You too. 208 00:11:24,016 --> 00:11:25,540 Take care. 209 00:11:32,258 --> 00:11:33,247 ♪ Finally ♪ 210 00:11:33,325 --> 00:11:34,952 ♪ What's up with that? ♪ 211 00:11:35,027 --> 00:11:36,289 ♪ Yeah ♪ 212 00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:40,863 ♪ Out of groovy sight ♪ 213 00:11:41,967 --> 00:11:43,195 ♪ Yeah ♪ 214 00:11:43,269 --> 00:11:44,827 Hi. 215 00:11:45,404 --> 00:11:48,134 ♪ Out of groovy sight ♪ 216 00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:50,698 -Hi. How are you? -Hey. I'll be right back. 217 00:11:50,776 --> 00:11:51,640 Okay. 218 00:11:52,912 --> 00:11:54,675 -Good morning. -Hi. 219 00:12:02,254 --> 00:12:05,189 Uh, I don't normally do this. 220 00:12:05,257 --> 00:12:09,626 But I don't think people that do this are freaks, necessarily. 221 00:12:09,695 --> 00:12:13,756 Uh, anyway, I'm looking for a woman. 222 00:12:13,833 --> 00:12:15,198 Hi. 223 00:12:15,267 --> 00:12:16,996 I'm funny and I'm fun. 224 00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:19,970 And, uh, I'm a good dancer. 225 00:12:20,039 --> 00:12:21,472 Good kisser. 226 00:12:21,540 --> 00:12:25,840 And I'm looking for someone who is nice and has a good job. 227 00:12:25,911 --> 00:12:28,141 MAN: I got to see some pearly white teeth. 228 00:12:28,214 --> 00:12:29,545 You can't be missing teeth. 229 00:12:29,615 --> 00:12:31,173 I don't want to see no yellow teeth 230 00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:32,945 or nothing like that, you know what I'm saying? 231 00:12:33,018 --> 00:12:35,179 Oh, a sense of humor is key. 232 00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:37,552 'Cause a lot of women don't get my sense of humor. 233 00:12:37,623 --> 00:12:41,059 They think I'm rude, sarcastic, or arrogant. 234 00:12:41,127 --> 00:12:43,118 It gets misinterpreted. 235 00:12:43,195 --> 00:12:44,628 MAN: I like to feel her skin. 236 00:12:44,697 --> 00:12:48,997 And I like to, you know, see and taste and... 237 00:12:49,068 --> 00:12:51,628 I mean, that's, you know, in touch with my senses. 238 00:12:51,704 --> 00:12:54,400 Rather than me tell you, I'll tell you what I've heard. 239 00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:58,874 Men and women should be equal partners in life. 240 00:13:00,312 --> 00:13:01,301 Mm-hmm. 241 00:13:01,380 --> 00:13:04,372 Men and women should be equal partners in life. 242 00:13:04,450 --> 00:13:04,882 Hmm. 243 00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:06,975 Anyway, my name's Heath Pierson. 244 00:13:07,052 --> 00:13:11,546 Uh, I'm fresh off the Virgin 747 to Los Angeles. 245 00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:13,387 And I'm new here. 246 00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:15,051 So, um... 247 00:13:15,127 --> 00:13:15,821 Snake! 248 00:13:15,895 --> 00:13:17,385 Yeah? 249 00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:19,192 I am the one they call Snake. 250 00:13:19,265 --> 00:13:20,197 Who's that guy? 251 00:13:20,266 --> 00:13:21,995 He was one of the late ones after you left. 252 00:13:22,067 --> 00:13:23,125 Okay. 253 00:13:23,202 --> 00:13:25,363 Put him with that Kate girl. 254 00:13:25,437 --> 00:13:26,961 Kate? All right. 255 00:13:27,039 --> 00:13:29,303 Why is it so quiet? Where is everybody? 256 00:13:29,375 --> 00:13:31,343 Well, tomorrow is Thanksgiving. 257 00:13:31,410 --> 00:13:34,504 [ Classical music playing ] 258 00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:37,540 CAROLlNA: Daphne? Are you there? 259 00:13:37,616 --> 00:13:39,379 -I'm ready to go. -[ Music stops ] 260 00:13:39,451 --> 00:13:41,919 [ Knocking ] Are you all set? 261 00:13:43,856 --> 00:13:46,916 Oh, Daphne. Aren't you ready yet? 262 00:13:46,992 --> 00:13:51,588 Princess Tabitha has just been kidnapped by Roark the pirate, 263 00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:55,998 who has successfully dragged her into his lair of wanton desire. 264 00:13:56,068 --> 00:13:57,228 Isn't that the third 265 00:13:57,303 --> 00:13:59,362 "pirate captures the princess" story you've written? 266 00:13:59,438 --> 00:14:01,497 Pirates are classic. 267 00:14:02,208 --> 00:14:04,039 And why are the girls always princesses? 268 00:14:04,109 --> 00:14:06,600 -Tell me that. -All women are princesses. 269 00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:08,374 Guess what happens next. 270 00:14:08,447 --> 00:14:11,541 She caresses his throbbing manhood. 271 00:14:11,617 --> 00:14:13,710 Too soon, my pretty. 272 00:14:13,786 --> 00:14:15,276 -Guess again. -Uh... 273 00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:19,450 She removes her bodice with trembling hands. 274 00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:21,550 No, he'll remove it. He'll do it. 275 00:14:21,627 --> 00:14:23,322 Last guess. Make it a good one. 276 00:14:23,395 --> 00:14:24,157 Okay. 277 00:14:24,230 --> 00:14:29,566 Uh, his hands slowly roam his newly conquered territory. 278 00:14:30,135 --> 00:14:32,296 That I like. 279 00:14:32,371 --> 00:14:33,804 Plagiarizing at warp speed. 280 00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:35,272 Okay. Let's go, thief. 281 00:14:35,341 --> 00:14:37,571 Save. Save. Save! 282 00:14:37,776 --> 00:14:39,266 MAN ON RADlO: The weather today in Los Angeles 283 00:14:39,578 --> 00:14:42,103 calls for temperatures in the low to mid-80s. 284 00:14:42,181 --> 00:14:45,207 Breezy at times with a few scattered clouds. 285 00:14:45,284 --> 00:14:46,546 Boy, does your grandmother live 286 00:14:46,619 --> 00:14:48,746 in a strange part of Los Angeles. 287 00:14:49,421 --> 00:14:52,288 Why is it so hard to be an adult around my family? 288 00:14:52,358 --> 00:14:57,694 Ah, that's why I left my family 3,000 miles away and came here. 289 00:14:57,763 --> 00:15:00,391 It's always the same. Grandma will make a scene. 290 00:15:00,466 --> 00:15:02,491 Someone will get drunk and try and shoot someone. 291 00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:04,559 Georgia will end up crying for no particular reason. 292 00:15:04,637 --> 00:15:05,899 It's like family voodoo. 293 00:15:05,971 --> 00:15:07,199 That's why I like them. 294 00:15:07,273 --> 00:15:08,570 Grandma likes you, too. 295 00:15:08,641 --> 00:15:11,542 If she knew you were Daphne St. Claire, she'd probably kill you. 296 00:15:12,278 --> 00:15:14,109 Hey, Chang. How you doing? 297 00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:17,181 Hello! 298 00:15:17,249 --> 00:15:18,841 -Hey! -Hey! 299 00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:19,850 Oh! 300 00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,648 How's your wee thing hanging, Albert? 301 00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:22,982 A wee bit to the left. 302 00:15:23,055 --> 00:15:24,545 Oh, yeah? [ Laughs ] 303 00:15:24,623 --> 00:15:25,817 Carolina. How are you doing, baby? 304 00:15:25,891 --> 00:15:28,121 -I'm good. How are you? -I'm good, baby. 305 00:15:28,193 --> 00:15:29,251 These are for you. 306 00:15:29,328 --> 00:15:30,955 Oh, thank you. 307 00:15:31,030 --> 00:15:34,022 Why'd you waste your money on something that's gonna die? 308 00:15:34,099 --> 00:15:35,691 'Cause I wanted to. 309 00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:38,532 Well, next time, you know, make it perfume. 310 00:15:39,071 --> 00:15:40,698 So, how are you, Grandma? 311 00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:42,832 I'm as nervous as a whore in church, honey. 312 00:15:42,908 --> 00:15:46,241 Got all this food to cook up for my crazy family. 313 00:15:46,679 --> 00:15:48,078 Would you let me help this time? 314 00:15:48,147 --> 00:15:50,547 No. You're just gonna get in the way. 315 00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:52,880 Say, I hear you're bringing your new man. 316 00:15:53,552 --> 00:15:55,144 I broke up with him. 317 00:15:55,220 --> 00:15:57,484 [ Water running ] 318 00:15:57,556 --> 00:15:59,319 You broke up with him? 319 00:15:59,391 --> 00:16:00,517 Mm-hmm. 320 00:16:00,592 --> 00:16:02,059 Carolina. 321 00:16:02,127 --> 00:16:04,823 Lying your ass off is unbecoming, honey. 322 00:16:04,897 --> 00:16:06,262 You go see Maine. 323 00:16:06,332 --> 00:16:08,197 She's been hollering for you all day. 324 00:16:08,767 --> 00:16:12,703 I swear that child is one taco short of a combination plate. 325 00:16:12,771 --> 00:16:15,569 Albert, come in here and get your belly full. 326 00:16:17,142 --> 00:16:18,473 I have a present for you. 327 00:16:18,544 --> 00:16:19,772 [ British accent ] Don't you knock? 328 00:16:19,845 --> 00:16:22,905 Mirabeaus don't knock, Maine. We have no boundaries. 329 00:16:27,019 --> 00:16:28,509 What are you doing? 330 00:16:28,587 --> 00:16:31,112 Maine is winning the lottery. 331 00:16:31,190 --> 00:16:32,350 Is that so? 332 00:16:32,424 --> 00:16:34,654 [ Normal voice ] The English boy in "The Rocking-Horse Winner" 333 00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:36,524 rode so hard he went into a trance. 334 00:16:36,595 --> 00:16:37,994 And when he was in a trance, 335 00:16:38,063 --> 00:16:40,293 he saw the winning horse's name before each race. 336 00:16:40,366 --> 00:16:42,231 You're reading D.H. Lawrence now? 337 00:16:42,301 --> 00:16:44,326 That boy won big money on the Kentucky Derby. 338 00:16:44,403 --> 00:16:46,371 And I'm gonna win big money on the lottery. 339 00:16:46,438 --> 00:16:49,601 I've already seen two winning lottery numbers -- 4 and 27. 340 00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:50,664 See? 341 00:16:50,743 --> 00:16:52,074 4 and 27. 342 00:16:52,144 --> 00:16:55,773 [ British accent ] If you insist on patronizing me, please leave. 343 00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:57,873 You're clouding my trance. 344 00:16:57,950 --> 00:17:00,009 [ Beeping ] 345 00:17:00,085 --> 00:17:02,212 What's that? 346 00:17:02,287 --> 00:17:03,982 On-screen programming. 347 00:17:04,056 --> 00:17:07,355 You can set the timer to record your favorite shows. 348 00:17:07,426 --> 00:17:09,257 -See? -Mm-hmm. 349 00:17:09,328 --> 00:17:11,819 Don't let technology scare you. 350 00:17:11,897 --> 00:17:13,194 Nothing scares me, kid. 351 00:17:13,265 --> 00:17:15,130 I just want you to do it for me. 352 00:17:15,901 --> 00:17:17,095 Hey. 353 00:17:17,169 --> 00:17:18,864 Guess what. 354 00:17:18,937 --> 00:17:20,632 Grandma got a top-of-the-line VCR. 355 00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:22,333 It only cost her 50 bucks. 356 00:17:23,075 --> 00:17:24,007 So I heard. 357 00:17:24,076 --> 00:17:25,873 Shut. 358 00:17:25,944 --> 00:17:27,935 You gotta do what you gotta do, Carolina. 359 00:17:28,013 --> 00:17:29,981 Life is serious business. 360 00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:34,174 I got me my leather interiors with that toilet-paper trick. 361 00:17:34,253 --> 00:17:36,050 Works every single time. 362 00:17:36,121 --> 00:17:37,748 -No bullshit. -Hmm. 363 00:17:37,823 --> 00:17:40,155 [ Rock music plays ] 364 00:17:45,764 --> 00:17:49,723 ♪ I'm bored out of my head ♪ 365 00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:54,398 ♪ Jump in, the motor's running ♪ 366 00:17:54,473 --> 00:17:57,931 ♪ I'm going down to your house ♪ 367 00:17:58,010 --> 00:18:02,106 -[ Horn honking ] - ♪ You know they're coming ♪ 368 00:18:03,615 --> 00:18:06,743 ♪ Give me your surprise ♪ 369 00:18:06,819 --> 00:18:07,751 MAlNE: Grandma! 370 00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:11,312 Okay, all you lazy, good-for-nothing goldbrickers. 371 00:18:11,390 --> 00:18:12,482 Dinner is served. 372 00:18:12,558 --> 00:18:13,684 Come and get it! 373 00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:17,752 ♪ Underneath the starry skies ♪ 374 00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:21,493 ♪ Hey, you know it's true ♪ 375 00:18:21,567 --> 00:18:23,398 ♪ I get off on you ♪ 376 00:18:23,469 --> 00:18:27,030 If Grandma offers you jerky or chitlings, say no. 377 00:18:29,875 --> 00:18:33,003 Well, I see your Aunt Marilyn brought her breasts. 378 00:18:33,078 --> 00:18:35,069 Warning one, Albert. 379 00:18:35,147 --> 00:18:36,307 How long was she in for? 380 00:18:36,381 --> 00:18:38,076 Three months. 381 00:18:38,150 --> 00:18:40,550 Aunt Marilyn used her little black book again. 382 00:18:40,619 --> 00:18:42,177 The police chief, who's into high heels, 383 00:18:42,254 --> 00:18:43,812 Iet her out on good behavior. 384 00:18:43,889 --> 00:18:46,414 Inspiring. She should write a book. 385 00:18:46,492 --> 00:18:48,619 Daphne St. Claire could be her cowriter. 386 00:18:48,694 --> 00:18:50,958 Over Daphne's dead body. 387 00:18:51,296 --> 00:18:54,094 Daphne could use the research. 388 00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:57,291 Would you really sleep with a $500-a-night hooker 389 00:18:57,369 --> 00:18:58,427 and pay for it? 390 00:18:58,504 --> 00:19:01,166 I don't know about paying for it. 391 00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:02,400 No, no. Seriously. 392 00:19:02,474 --> 00:19:04,271 Seriously? 393 00:19:04,343 --> 00:19:08,074 I've never really been a one-night-stand kind of guy. 394 00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:11,310 So you've been in love with all the women you've slept with? 395 00:19:11,383 --> 00:19:12,850 Well... 396 00:19:12,918 --> 00:19:14,943 Well, how many have there been? 397 00:19:15,521 --> 00:19:16,954 A few. 398 00:19:17,756 --> 00:19:20,224 Okay. How many? 399 00:19:20,292 --> 00:19:21,623 Hey. 400 00:19:21,860 --> 00:19:22,884 Back off. 401 00:19:23,962 --> 00:19:26,795 So you really think you know what love feels like? 402 00:19:30,636 --> 00:19:32,763 [ Microwave beeps ] 403 00:19:32,838 --> 00:19:35,329 Come on, Carolina. Stop dawdling. 404 00:19:39,211 --> 00:19:41,611 -Come on. -Yes, ma'am. 405 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:43,614 No, I don't eat meat anymore, remember? 406 00:19:43,682 --> 00:19:45,946 And you wonder why you can't find a man. 407 00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:49,010 -[ Chuckles ] -Watch it. 408 00:19:49,621 --> 00:19:50,588 Next. 409 00:19:50,656 --> 00:19:52,556 [ Laughter ] 410 00:19:52,624 --> 00:19:54,558 [ Horn honking ] 411 00:20:00,098 --> 00:20:02,658 [ Laughter ] 412 00:20:04,803 --> 00:20:06,532 [ Laughs ] 413 00:20:07,139 --> 00:20:08,902 I got her close, didn't l? 414 00:20:13,345 --> 00:20:15,745 What's that in your hand? 415 00:20:15,814 --> 00:20:17,873 It's a party, isn't it? 416 00:20:28,460 --> 00:20:31,258 Hey. [ Laughs ] 417 00:20:31,330 --> 00:20:33,127 What's with you and my daughter? 418 00:20:33,198 --> 00:20:35,223 You two having sex yet? 419 00:20:35,300 --> 00:20:36,767 What? [ Laughs ] 420 00:20:36,835 --> 00:20:39,201 No, no. We're just good friends. 421 00:20:39,271 --> 00:20:40,203 That's all. 422 00:20:40,272 --> 00:20:41,603 What's the matter? 423 00:20:41,673 --> 00:20:43,004 She not good enough for you? 424 00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:44,565 -No. No. -Huh? 425 00:20:44,643 --> 00:20:46,406 I-I mean yes. Yes, of course she is. 426 00:20:46,478 --> 00:20:48,673 It's just... 427 00:20:48,747 --> 00:20:50,715 Friends and sex don't mix. 428 00:20:51,283 --> 00:20:53,615 [ Both laugh ] 429 00:20:56,788 --> 00:20:58,119 [ Clears throat ] 430 00:20:59,124 --> 00:21:01,285 Where's, um... I'm sorry. 431 00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:03,123 -Your new boyfriend. -Seth. 432 00:21:03,195 --> 00:21:04,924 Right. Seth. 433 00:21:05,631 --> 00:21:07,531 I broke his heart. 434 00:21:09,668 --> 00:21:11,693 Why do I keep doing that? 435 00:21:12,137 --> 00:21:13,627 What happened? 436 00:21:14,373 --> 00:21:17,968 I told him my baby wasn't his. 437 00:21:19,244 --> 00:21:20,768 You're pregnant? 438 00:21:20,846 --> 00:21:22,905 How can you be pregnant? 439 00:21:22,981 --> 00:21:26,007 Oh, the usual way. 440 00:21:26,084 --> 00:21:27,984 Do you know who the father is? 441 00:21:28,053 --> 00:21:28,747 Excuse me? 442 00:21:28,820 --> 00:21:32,051 I mean, of course you know who the father is, right? 443 00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:33,489 I do! 444 00:21:34,359 --> 00:21:39,160 Well, um, do you want me to go with you? 445 00:21:40,432 --> 00:21:42,332 I'm gonna keep it. 446 00:21:43,368 --> 00:21:46,030 You're gonna raise a baby all by yourself? 447 00:21:46,104 --> 00:21:48,664 You don't have a job. You've never had a job. 448 00:21:48,740 --> 00:21:51,004 I tried to get a job once. 449 00:21:51,610 --> 00:21:53,703 I didn't have the right shoes. 450 00:21:56,615 --> 00:21:59,015 Don't tell Grandma, okay? 451 00:21:59,651 --> 00:22:02,848 I'll tell her when the time's right. 452 00:22:04,690 --> 00:22:06,248 Okay? 453 00:22:14,766 --> 00:22:16,700 -Yeah. -Yeah. 454 00:22:17,969 --> 00:22:19,368 I've been meaning to ask you. 455 00:22:19,438 --> 00:22:21,372 Have you read Daphne St. Claire's new book? 456 00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:22,907 You're damned straight I have. 457 00:22:22,974 --> 00:22:25,465 That's what you need, girl. 458 00:22:25,544 --> 00:22:26,738 You need a man 459 00:22:26,812 --> 00:22:29,042 Iike Ashlen Chandler from "Roughing It at Midnight." 460 00:22:29,114 --> 00:22:31,605 Ashlen's from "Moonlight Rhapsody." 461 00:22:32,150 --> 00:22:33,583 He's not her type. 462 00:22:33,652 --> 00:22:35,415 You read the romances, Marilyn? 463 00:22:35,487 --> 00:22:38,388 Oh, I already know all I need to know. 464 00:22:38,457 --> 00:22:40,618 I bet you do. 465 00:22:41,460 --> 00:22:42,722 You know, I like you, Albert. 466 00:22:42,794 --> 00:22:44,489 'Cause you're a man who has no shame 467 00:22:44,563 --> 00:22:46,053 about reading the romances. 468 00:22:46,131 --> 00:22:48,895 Did you read "Love's Sacred Desire"? 469 00:22:48,967 --> 00:22:50,127 Crap. 470 00:22:51,103 --> 00:22:52,434 You didn't like "Desire"? 471 00:22:53,004 --> 00:22:53,595 No. 472 00:22:53,672 --> 00:22:56,903 That Daphne St. Claire shot her wad on that one. 473 00:22:57,676 --> 00:23:00,440 Too much talking. Not enough loving. 474 00:23:00,512 --> 00:23:03,140 What she needs to do is get drunk and howl at the moon. 475 00:23:03,215 --> 00:23:04,682 I agree. 476 00:23:05,250 --> 00:23:07,844 You could use a little howling at the moon yourself, honey. 477 00:23:07,919 --> 00:23:09,978 I'm focusing on my career. 478 00:23:10,889 --> 00:23:11,480 Okay. 479 00:23:11,556 --> 00:23:14,753 But your titties aren't gonna stay perky forever, you know. 480 00:23:14,826 --> 00:23:17,192 Well, that's what surgery's for. 481 00:23:17,262 --> 00:23:18,422 Right. 482 00:23:18,497 --> 00:23:19,930 [ Laughter ] 483 00:23:21,099 --> 00:23:23,624 You know, you got one big problem, Carolina. 484 00:23:23,702 --> 00:23:25,863 It's called "bad man-picking." 485 00:23:25,937 --> 00:23:29,532 How can you say that when you've only met one guy I've been with? 486 00:23:29,608 --> 00:23:32,839 I don't need to meet the rooster when I got the hen right here. 487 00:23:34,913 --> 00:23:36,278 And the hen's not happy. 488 00:23:36,348 --> 00:23:38,009 The hen is, too, happy. 489 00:23:39,084 --> 00:23:41,109 The hen looks down on her grandma 490 00:23:41,186 --> 00:23:42,517 'cause her grandma leads her life 491 00:23:42,587 --> 00:23:45,249 exactly any way she damn pleases. 492 00:23:45,323 --> 00:23:48,019 In fact, the hen hates her grandma 'cause of that. 493 00:23:48,093 --> 00:23:49,583 I do not. 494 00:23:49,661 --> 00:23:51,959 It's just that I would do things differently. 495 00:23:52,030 --> 00:23:54,191 Oh, really? How's that? 496 00:23:59,971 --> 00:24:02,735 Everybody, I have an announcement to make. 497 00:24:02,808 --> 00:24:04,036 This year I'm gonna have 498 00:24:04,109 --> 00:24:07,135 a formal Christmas sit-down dinner at my house. 499 00:24:07,212 --> 00:24:08,702 And I hope all of you can make it. 500 00:24:08,780 --> 00:24:11,340 This is where we eat, Carolina. 501 00:24:11,416 --> 00:24:12,405 You know that. 502 00:24:12,484 --> 00:24:14,418 I know. But wouldn't it be nice if -- 503 00:24:14,486 --> 00:24:15,384 If? 504 00:24:15,454 --> 00:24:18,855 If a frog had wings, he wouldn't bump his ass so much. 505 00:24:18,924 --> 00:24:19,720 No. 506 00:24:21,693 --> 00:24:23,854 Well, what about you guys? 507 00:24:25,764 --> 00:24:27,595 Anyone? 508 00:24:31,736 --> 00:24:33,033 Daddy? 509 00:24:35,207 --> 00:24:36,538 Uh, look. 510 00:24:36,608 --> 00:24:39,042 Why don't you girls just figure this out 511 00:24:39,110 --> 00:24:41,601 and tell me where you want me? 512 00:24:48,086 --> 00:24:52,887 I can't believe he just sat there and did nothing. 513 00:24:53,625 --> 00:24:55,593 He was drunk. 514 00:24:55,660 --> 00:24:57,958 That was his excuse when he drove us off the overpass 515 00:24:58,029 --> 00:24:59,519 when I was 10. 516 00:25:00,665 --> 00:25:02,223 What happened? 517 00:25:03,768 --> 00:25:05,963 We all died, Albert. 518 00:25:06,605 --> 00:25:09,472 The reservoir was full of sand. 519 00:25:12,711 --> 00:25:15,202 She'll never come, will she? 520 00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:17,009 She'll come. 521 00:25:17,549 --> 00:25:20,450 Hey, I can't even wait for Christmas. 522 00:25:28,360 --> 00:25:29,850 Night. 523 00:25:40,572 --> 00:25:42,904 [ Sighs ] 524 00:25:50,882 --> 00:25:53,783 [ Cheers and applause ] 525 00:25:53,852 --> 00:25:55,581 Welcome to "The Perfect Date" preshow. 526 00:25:55,654 --> 00:25:59,112 First, to warm us up, my friends, Swami Hemichandra. 527 00:25:59,758 --> 00:26:01,282 Namaste, everybody. 528 00:26:01,359 --> 00:26:03,122 The warm-up is stand-up, everybody cold. 529 00:26:03,194 --> 00:26:05,458 Hi. Are you Carolina? 530 00:26:05,530 --> 00:26:06,462 Yeah. Yes. 531 00:26:06,531 --> 00:26:08,294 Hi. I'm, uh, Heath Pierson. 532 00:26:08,366 --> 00:26:10,266 Uh, Snake says you're the one I should thank 533 00:26:10,335 --> 00:26:12,701 for choosing me as a contestant. 534 00:26:13,638 --> 00:26:15,799 You're welcome, Heath. 535 00:26:15,874 --> 00:26:17,307 Was it a successful date? 536 00:26:17,375 --> 00:26:19,843 Yes. Yes, it was. 537 00:26:19,911 --> 00:26:23,403 The romance wasn't there, but we had a good time. 538 00:26:23,481 --> 00:26:25,039 What a great attitude. 539 00:26:25,116 --> 00:26:27,141 Most people, if it's not love at first sight, 540 00:26:27,218 --> 00:26:29,152 wish they'd never come on the show. 541 00:26:29,220 --> 00:26:30,312 Why did you? 542 00:26:30,388 --> 00:26:33,915 Well, to be honest, I lost a bet with someone in my office. 543 00:26:33,992 --> 00:26:35,220 Then I thought, "Why not?" 544 00:26:35,293 --> 00:26:37,284 I'm new to L.A. I don't know anyone. 545 00:26:37,362 --> 00:26:40,388 And it's a difficult city to meet people in, as you know. 546 00:26:40,465 --> 00:26:43,332 -Carolina, we're on in 10. -Mm-hmm. 547 00:26:43,401 --> 00:26:44,868 Oh. 548 00:26:45,437 --> 00:26:46,995 Don't want that on you. 549 00:26:50,141 --> 00:26:52,006 Hello, everybody. 550 00:26:52,077 --> 00:26:54,875 Okay. Is anyone nervous? 551 00:26:54,946 --> 00:26:56,743 Oh, don't be. The hard part's over. 552 00:26:56,815 --> 00:26:58,077 You've already had the date. 553 00:26:58,149 --> 00:27:00,447 Now all you have to do is tell Chuck all about it. 554 00:27:00,518 --> 00:27:02,679 My date hated me. I could tell. 555 00:27:02,754 --> 00:27:04,585 I'm sure she didn't, John. 556 00:27:04,656 --> 00:27:08,148 Actually, he's right. He is a complete asshole. 557 00:27:08,226 --> 00:27:08,885 Okay. 558 00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:11,690 Uh, Tara, you know you can't say "asshole" on TV, right? 559 00:27:11,763 --> 00:27:14,027 At dinner he took notes on everything I said and did. 560 00:27:14,099 --> 00:27:15,896 And my name's not Tara. It's Kate. 561 00:27:15,967 --> 00:27:17,559 I'm Tara. 562 00:27:17,636 --> 00:27:20,469 And I didn't hate my date. He was totally hot. 563 00:27:21,406 --> 00:27:23,033 Oh. I see. 564 00:27:23,108 --> 00:27:24,097 Um, okay. 565 00:27:24,175 --> 00:27:27,770 Kate, let's try to stick to positive comments on the air. 566 00:27:27,846 --> 00:27:30,246 I understand. You screwed up. 567 00:27:30,315 --> 00:27:32,306 I should have had him. 568 00:27:35,086 --> 00:27:38,055 Hello. I'm the new P.A., Christen. 569 00:27:38,123 --> 00:27:39,522 Uh, phone call for Carolina. 570 00:27:39,591 --> 00:27:40,990 Take a message, please. 571 00:27:41,059 --> 00:27:47,828 Uh, Snake said to tell you that Georgia's blowing chunks. 572 00:27:48,266 --> 00:27:50,257 Excuse me. I'll be right back. 573 00:27:50,335 --> 00:27:53,168 Christen, can you escort our contestants to the holding room? 574 00:27:53,238 --> 00:27:55,468 Okeydokey. You got it. 575 00:27:55,540 --> 00:27:57,201 [ Laughs ] 576 00:27:57,976 --> 00:28:02,379 So, who knows where the holding room is? 577 00:28:02,447 --> 00:28:06,042 ANNOUNCER: From Hollywood, it's your favorite game show, 578 00:28:06,117 --> 00:28:07,379 "The Perfect Date." 579 00:28:07,452 --> 00:28:11,149 And now here's your perfect host, Chuck McBride. 580 00:28:11,222 --> 00:28:14,419 [ Cheers and applause ] 581 00:28:18,963 --> 00:28:20,988 Oh! Oh, keep it coming! 582 00:28:21,066 --> 00:28:22,693 I can feel it. I can feel it. 583 00:28:22,767 --> 00:28:24,564 I need your love! 584 00:28:24,636 --> 00:28:26,001 I need it! Whoa! 585 00:28:26,071 --> 00:28:29,199 Georgia, you're supposed to throw up all the time. 586 00:28:29,274 --> 00:28:32,243 Maybe because there's a person growing inside you. 587 00:28:32,310 --> 00:28:34,141 We send two contestants on a blind date. 588 00:28:34,212 --> 00:28:35,736 You get to see the results. 589 00:28:35,814 --> 00:28:38,578 And then you get to decide, was it the... 590 00:28:38,650 --> 00:28:40,311 TOGETHER: Perfect date! 591 00:28:40,385 --> 00:28:42,512 What a putz. 592 00:28:42,587 --> 00:28:44,817 Let's see those first two guests right now. 593 00:28:44,889 --> 00:28:49,087 They are Heath Pierson and Tara Barnell! 594 00:28:55,867 --> 00:28:56,856 Carolina! 595 00:28:56,935 --> 00:28:59,995 What? You still haven't told Grandma you're pregnant yet? 596 00:29:00,071 --> 00:29:01,902 -Carolina! -Georgia, I'll call you back. 597 00:29:01,973 --> 00:29:05,272 Do we still have anybody working around this piece-of-crap show? 598 00:29:06,311 --> 00:29:08,142 Job opening. 599 00:29:18,857 --> 00:29:22,349 I am so sorry. I heard what happened. 600 00:29:22,427 --> 00:29:24,224 How did you know this was my car? 601 00:29:24,796 --> 00:29:26,821 Your name is on the fence. 602 00:29:33,505 --> 00:29:34,233 Souvenir. 603 00:29:34,305 --> 00:29:36,136 Do you want me to sign it for you? 604 00:29:36,808 --> 00:29:38,139 You're funny. 605 00:29:38,209 --> 00:29:40,507 Yeah. Well, Chuck overruled funny. 606 00:29:40,578 --> 00:29:44,036 You have to believe there's something better coming along. 607 00:29:44,115 --> 00:29:46,709 After all, I'm guessing you don't want to work 608 00:29:46,785 --> 00:29:49,447 on a game show for the rest of your life. 609 00:29:49,521 --> 00:29:51,853 You must be from a rich family. 610 00:29:53,057 --> 00:29:54,354 I thought so. 611 00:29:57,595 --> 00:30:00,496 Well. I can afford to buy you dinner. 612 00:30:01,900 --> 00:30:04,630 You get me fired and you want to buy me dinner? 613 00:30:04,702 --> 00:30:06,226 ALBERT: [ British accent ] Excellent question. 614 00:30:06,304 --> 00:30:09,068 I hope you told him to bugger off. 615 00:30:10,575 --> 00:30:12,805 Oh. 616 00:30:13,812 --> 00:30:18,681 [ Normal voice ] He must be really, really good-looking. 617 00:30:18,750 --> 00:30:19,512 Yes, but... 618 00:30:19,584 --> 00:30:20,482 Yeah. I though so. 619 00:30:20,552 --> 00:30:22,952 Otherwise you wouldn't go out with a guy who got you fired. 620 00:30:23,021 --> 00:30:24,648 He didn't get me fired. Georgia did. 621 00:30:24,722 --> 00:30:27,714 Georgia didn't get you fired. You got yourself fired. 622 00:30:27,792 --> 00:30:30,090 You have to learn how to say no. 623 00:30:30,161 --> 00:30:33,096 Like to this Heath person. 624 00:30:33,164 --> 00:30:35,064 Pierson. It's Heath Pierson. 625 00:30:35,133 --> 00:30:38,967 I mean "person." Like this stupid Heath person. 626 00:30:39,037 --> 00:30:41,096 What? Who cares? 627 00:30:41,172 --> 00:30:43,936 I got fired and I came over 'cause you're my best friend. 628 00:30:44,008 --> 00:30:46,738 And all we're doing is arguing about this Heath Pierson person. 629 00:30:46,811 --> 00:30:48,369 Forget it. 630 00:30:50,281 --> 00:30:52,272 [ Door opens, closes ] 631 00:30:52,951 --> 00:30:54,942 WOMAN ON TV: I won't pretend I'm not disappointed. 632 00:30:55,854 --> 00:30:58,186 [ Telephone rings ] 633 00:30:59,824 --> 00:31:00,950 State your business. 634 00:31:01,025 --> 00:31:02,151 It's Carolina. 635 00:31:02,227 --> 00:31:05,594 I need you to say you're coming to Christmas dinner right now. 636 00:31:05,663 --> 00:31:08,257 Listen, baby. I got me a fur person now. 637 00:31:08,833 --> 00:31:12,701 And fur people do not understand formal sit-down dinners. 638 00:31:12,770 --> 00:31:15,603 Nobody's gonna come if you don't come. 639 00:31:15,673 --> 00:31:17,607 I need you to do this for me. Please. 640 00:31:18,409 --> 00:31:20,070 Are you crying, baby? 641 00:31:21,713 --> 00:31:23,237 Yes or no? 642 00:31:23,314 --> 00:31:25,805 Why are you crying, honey? 643 00:31:29,554 --> 00:31:31,488 Bye, Grandma. 644 00:31:35,226 --> 00:31:37,217 [ Telephone rings ] 645 00:31:38,730 --> 00:31:39,594 And remember. 646 00:31:39,664 --> 00:31:42,997 You're hauling Georgia's butt over here this weekend. 647 00:31:43,568 --> 00:31:45,593 I won't forget. 648 00:31:45,670 --> 00:31:47,729 All right, then. 649 00:31:52,410 --> 00:31:55,402 [ Door opens, closes ] 650 00:31:56,915 --> 00:31:58,473 ALBERT: Hello. 651 00:31:59,017 --> 00:32:00,507 It's me. 652 00:32:02,053 --> 00:32:05,147 [ Knocking ] May I come in? 653 00:32:08,693 --> 00:32:10,422 I'm sorry. 654 00:32:13,131 --> 00:32:14,962 I wasn't very sympathetic. 655 00:32:18,036 --> 00:32:20,596 Oh. Where'd that come from? 656 00:32:20,672 --> 00:32:23,664 [ Laughs, sighs ] 657 00:32:24,876 --> 00:32:28,039 I have $53 in my savings account. 658 00:32:28,112 --> 00:32:30,478 I have to go out and look for another job. 659 00:32:31,049 --> 00:32:32,573 And the milk goes bad in two days. 660 00:32:32,650 --> 00:32:34,515 What am I gonna do, Albert? 661 00:32:36,120 --> 00:32:39,612 You get an interview with the big boys. 662 00:32:39,691 --> 00:32:42,626 You put on your black suit. 663 00:32:42,694 --> 00:32:45,219 Pull your hair into that little twisty thing. 664 00:32:45,296 --> 00:32:48,424 They'll fall in love with you and hire you on the spot. 665 00:32:49,300 --> 00:32:52,701 There are 150 people applying for one job in television. 666 00:32:53,338 --> 00:32:54,771 Maybe. 667 00:32:56,040 --> 00:32:58,270 But there's only one Carolina. 668 00:33:01,212 --> 00:33:02,338 Towel. 669 00:33:28,072 --> 00:33:30,097 Do you want to go to the movies tomorrow night? 670 00:33:32,777 --> 00:33:35,439 Tomorrow night's my date with Heath. 671 00:33:39,517 --> 00:33:41,849 I know we met under unusual circumstances. 672 00:33:41,919 --> 00:33:46,583 But, uh, I wanted to ask you out to dinner the moment I met you. 673 00:33:46,657 --> 00:33:48,648 You did? 674 00:33:49,560 --> 00:33:51,721 You were biting your lower lip. 675 00:33:51,796 --> 00:33:53,093 I was? 676 00:33:54,298 --> 00:33:56,232 It was very, very sexy. 677 00:33:57,668 --> 00:33:59,260 Are you for real? 678 00:33:59,837 --> 00:34:02,135 I mean, are you just randomly throwing out lines, 679 00:34:02,206 --> 00:34:03,833 or are you telling the truth? 680 00:34:04,409 --> 00:34:09,676 Um, I guess I'm randomly telling the truth. 681 00:34:11,682 --> 00:34:13,809 So, um, you're from London? 682 00:34:13,885 --> 00:34:15,750 Tell me about that. 683 00:34:15,820 --> 00:34:18,721 Oh, well, there's not much to tell. 684 00:34:18,790 --> 00:34:22,521 Um, I have a younger sister, Sara. 685 00:34:22,593 --> 00:34:24,652 My father's a banker. 686 00:34:24,729 --> 00:34:26,629 My mother teaches English at Oxford, 687 00:34:26,697 --> 00:34:28,790 which is where I went to university. 688 00:34:28,866 --> 00:34:31,130 And I played on the cricket team. 689 00:34:31,202 --> 00:34:34,797 I'm an account executive at an advertising agency. 690 00:34:34,872 --> 00:34:36,965 And I have an apartment in Paris. 691 00:34:40,545 --> 00:34:41,978 Do you a wife and kids somewhere? 692 00:34:42,046 --> 00:34:43,138 Even if they are in Tulsa, 693 00:34:43,214 --> 00:34:45,375 I would really like to know, because... 694 00:34:45,450 --> 00:34:47,042 Why are you staring at me? 695 00:34:47,618 --> 00:34:50,587 No wife. No kids. 696 00:34:51,189 --> 00:34:52,383 Where's Tulsa? 697 00:34:52,457 --> 00:34:55,290 It's in Oklahoma. It's a state. 698 00:34:55,359 --> 00:34:57,953 Like Carolina the state. 699 00:34:58,029 --> 00:35:00,827 Yes. I was named after a state. 700 00:35:00,898 --> 00:35:03,628 My sisters, Georgia and Maine, were also named after states. 701 00:35:03,701 --> 00:35:05,669 Whatever state my father happened to be in 702 00:35:05,736 --> 00:35:06,498 when we were born. 703 00:35:06,571 --> 00:35:08,664 We were named after postmarks. 704 00:35:08,739 --> 00:35:09,865 Those are on postcards. 705 00:35:09,941 --> 00:35:13,138 But you don't want to hear about that. 706 00:35:15,012 --> 00:35:16,343 I don't? 707 00:35:17,849 --> 00:35:19,578 No. 708 00:35:21,085 --> 00:35:22,916 North or South? 709 00:35:24,755 --> 00:35:25,983 What? 710 00:35:26,591 --> 00:35:28,650 Carolina. 711 00:35:57,555 --> 00:35:59,523 I had a wonderful time tonight. 712 00:35:59,590 --> 00:36:01,182 So did l. 713 00:36:02,426 --> 00:36:04,087 Carolina, the state. 714 00:36:05,830 --> 00:36:07,695 North or South. 715 00:36:21,279 --> 00:36:22,303 Yep. 716 00:36:22,380 --> 00:36:24,075 South. 717 00:36:24,148 --> 00:36:26,412 Definitely South Carolina. 718 00:36:29,353 --> 00:36:33,790 Are you sure you want to move in with Grandma? 719 00:36:33,858 --> 00:36:36,418 Well, I can't raise the baby by myself. 720 00:36:36,494 --> 00:36:38,359 Look, you could move in with me. 721 00:36:38,429 --> 00:36:39,726 Oh, sweetie. 722 00:36:41,232 --> 00:36:42,790 So super sweet. 723 00:36:42,867 --> 00:36:47,304 But, you know, the baby will have Maine to play with here. 724 00:36:47,371 --> 00:36:48,133 You know me. 725 00:36:48,206 --> 00:36:51,767 I like a lot of energy around me. 726 00:36:51,842 --> 00:36:54,675 Well, you have told Grandma that you're pregnant, right? 727 00:36:55,580 --> 00:36:56,911 Right? 728 00:36:56,981 --> 00:37:00,542 Well, I'm still waiting for the perfect time to tell her. 729 00:37:01,385 --> 00:37:03,319 MlLLlE: Okay. Back up. Back up. 730 00:37:03,387 --> 00:37:05,048 Back in the car. 731 00:37:05,122 --> 00:37:07,317 I'm bored. We're going to the movies. 732 00:37:07,391 --> 00:37:09,484 Why don't we help Georgia unload the U-Haul first? 733 00:37:09,560 --> 00:37:10,424 I don't want to do any work. 734 00:37:10,494 --> 00:37:11,756 I want to go be entertained 735 00:37:11,829 --> 00:37:14,491 by some black-and-white piece of crap. 736 00:37:16,033 --> 00:37:18,024 I'm off-duty when I'm dreaming. 737 00:37:18,102 --> 00:37:20,263 You smiling rat bastard. 738 00:37:20,338 --> 00:37:22,306 -You're gonna be dead soon! -Grandma, shh. 739 00:37:22,373 --> 00:37:24,307 -Public place. -WOMAN: Keep it down! 740 00:37:24,375 --> 00:37:25,535 I want popcorn. 741 00:37:25,610 --> 00:37:29,102 I'm not spending six bucks on 20 cents' worth of popcorn, honey. 742 00:37:29,180 --> 00:37:31,580 I made this gumbo yesterday. It's fresh. 743 00:37:31,649 --> 00:37:34,015 You're gonna eat it, and you're gonna be happy. 744 00:37:34,585 --> 00:37:37,110 How are you feeling, Vince? I thought you were sick. 745 00:37:37,188 --> 00:37:39,179 Well, ask her where she was last night! 746 00:37:39,257 --> 00:37:40,724 WOMAN: Come on! 747 00:37:40,791 --> 00:37:42,452 The show's up there, buddy. 748 00:37:43,194 --> 00:37:44,161 I want popcorn. 749 00:37:44,228 --> 00:37:45,855 Okay, stop. Stop. 750 00:37:45,930 --> 00:37:47,955 Why didn't you tell me you've been working hard... 751 00:37:48,032 --> 00:37:49,932 Who'd you put out for, Popsicle? 752 00:37:50,001 --> 00:37:51,901 'Cause you sure as hell can't act worth a lick. 753 00:37:51,969 --> 00:37:54,369 Will you shut up? 754 00:37:54,438 --> 00:37:55,405 Listen, sonny. 755 00:37:55,473 --> 00:37:57,464 Grandma, I'm pregnant. 756 00:37:57,541 --> 00:38:00,135 Georgia, now is not the time. 757 00:38:01,879 --> 00:38:03,039 What? 758 00:38:03,114 --> 00:38:06,049 -[ Audience groaning ] -No. Hold it. 759 00:38:06,117 --> 00:38:09,416 Thank you for revealing that little tidbit of information 760 00:38:09,487 --> 00:38:11,318 before you unloaded the U-Haul. 761 00:38:11,389 --> 00:38:14,256 'Cause my child-rearing days are over, sunshine. 762 00:38:14,325 --> 00:38:16,623 It's not gonna cost a thing. I'm gonna breast-feed. 763 00:38:16,694 --> 00:38:18,821 Can we talk about this in the lobby, please? 764 00:38:18,896 --> 00:38:20,921 Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to take your seat 765 00:38:20,998 --> 00:38:22,260 and keep your voice down. 766 00:38:22,333 --> 00:38:23,197 What are you? 767 00:38:23,267 --> 00:38:24,859 I'm the manager, ma'am. 768 00:38:24,935 --> 00:38:26,266 How old are you, Mr. Manager? 769 00:38:26,337 --> 00:38:27,269 20, ma'am. 770 00:38:27,338 --> 00:38:29,135 Listen carefully. 771 00:38:29,206 --> 00:38:31,140 You leave now. 772 00:38:31,208 --> 00:38:33,108 I can't do that, ma'am. 773 00:38:33,177 --> 00:38:35,077 You know, murder is a funny thing. 774 00:38:35,146 --> 00:38:39,014 It happens to all sorts of people in all sorts of places. 775 00:38:39,083 --> 00:38:40,948 Nobody's safe anymore. 776 00:38:41,018 --> 00:38:43,919 Even little snot-nosed, pudgy, theater managers 777 00:38:43,988 --> 00:38:46,354 running up and down the aisle with a flashlight. 778 00:38:48,426 --> 00:38:52,123 We never get to see the end of the movie when you come. 779 00:39:00,938 --> 00:39:02,303 I'm gonna go calm Maine down. 780 00:39:02,373 --> 00:39:04,807 Then I'm getting Georgia's stuff to my house. 781 00:39:04,875 --> 00:39:06,536 You think it's a good idea, do you? 782 00:39:06,610 --> 00:39:08,373 Saddling yourself with two kids 783 00:39:08,446 --> 00:39:10,573 when you don't even have a job yourself. 784 00:39:10,648 --> 00:39:12,172 Yes, I do. 785 00:39:19,790 --> 00:39:21,724 I thought you'd be on your horse. 786 00:39:21,792 --> 00:39:23,089 I'm not in the mood. 787 00:39:23,661 --> 00:39:25,219 What about your numbers? 788 00:39:25,296 --> 00:39:28,060 I've only got two numbers left. 789 00:39:30,835 --> 00:39:32,598 Girls, get your butts out here 790 00:39:32,670 --> 00:39:36,470 and help Georgia unload the damn U-Haul. 791 00:39:36,540 --> 00:39:38,599 She's pregnant, for God's sake. 792 00:39:38,676 --> 00:39:41,270 Come on. Get your butts out! 793 00:39:41,345 --> 00:39:42,676 So I moved Georgia in. 794 00:39:44,081 --> 00:39:47,073 And still she's gonna have a baby with no father around. 795 00:39:47,151 --> 00:39:49,642 I can't believe she's gonna let history repeat itself like that. 796 00:39:49,720 --> 00:39:52,416 She has her own free will. She can do what she wants. 797 00:39:52,490 --> 00:39:54,321 But she's not even taking it seriously. 798 00:39:54,392 --> 00:39:55,757 She doesn't think it's a big deal. 799 00:39:55,826 --> 00:39:57,760 So she's doing something unexpected. 800 00:39:57,828 --> 00:39:59,762 Unexpected. You can say that again. 801 00:39:59,830 --> 00:40:01,491 The problem isn't her. It's you. 802 00:40:01,565 --> 00:40:02,930 What? 803 00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:07,266 Things don't always have to go according to plan. 804 00:40:07,338 --> 00:40:08,930 Your plan. 805 00:40:09,006 --> 00:40:10,496 No. 806 00:40:10,574 --> 00:40:11,666 Let go. 807 00:40:11,742 --> 00:40:14,905 For God's sake, Carolina. Live a little! 808 00:40:19,583 --> 00:40:23,041 Carolina Mirabeau. Live a little. 809 00:40:31,662 --> 00:40:33,562 ♪ I saw ♪ 810 00:40:33,631 --> 00:40:35,622 - ♪ Jesus by the car wash ♪ -[ Doorbell rings ] 811 00:40:35,699 --> 00:40:40,466 ♪ Near my house the other day ♪ 812 00:40:40,538 --> 00:40:44,235 ♪ I don't know if it was real ♪ 813 00:40:44,308 --> 00:40:48,972 ♪ But it made me feel okay ♪ 814 00:40:49,046 --> 00:40:53,005 ♪ Everyone is looking for a reason ♪ 815 00:40:53,083 --> 00:40:56,211 ♪ To learn to live today ♪ 816 00:40:56,287 --> 00:41:00,587 ♪ Whatever gets you through the day ♪ 817 00:41:00,658 --> 00:41:04,492 ♪ Whatever gets you through the night ♪ 818 00:41:04,562 --> 00:41:09,295 ♪ Whatever makes you feel okay ♪ 819 00:41:09,366 --> 00:41:11,630 ♪ Whatever makes you feel all right ♪ 820 00:41:11,702 --> 00:41:14,603 [ Doorbell rings ] 821 00:41:14,672 --> 00:41:17,368 ALBERT: Happy birthday, Carolina. 822 00:41:17,441 --> 00:41:18,874 It's my birthday. 823 00:41:18,943 --> 00:41:23,073 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 824 00:41:28,252 --> 00:41:31,244 ♪ Happy, happy, happy birthday ♪ 825 00:41:31,322 --> 00:41:35,759 ♪ Whatever gets you through the night ♪ 826 00:41:35,826 --> 00:41:39,728 ♪ Whatever makes you feel okay ♪ 827 00:41:39,797 --> 00:41:44,131 ♪ Whatever makes you feel all right ♪ 828 00:42:13,964 --> 00:42:16,558 What are you doing for Christmas? 829 00:42:16,634 --> 00:42:18,158 Okay. 830 00:42:19,403 --> 00:42:20,165 -All right? -Yes. 831 00:42:20,237 --> 00:42:21,761 You look lovely, darling. 832 00:42:21,839 --> 00:42:23,170 Come here. 833 00:42:26,677 --> 00:42:28,577 You're gonna be late. 834 00:42:28,646 --> 00:42:31,479 Who cares? I'm having fun. 835 00:42:33,217 --> 00:42:36,015 [ Laughter ] 836 00:42:36,887 --> 00:42:39,947 Oh, Albert, come out here. I want you to meet somebody. 837 00:42:45,362 --> 00:42:46,488 Hey. 838 00:42:46,564 --> 00:42:48,555 Albert, Heath. 839 00:42:48,632 --> 00:42:51,328 This is Albert Morris, my neighbor. 840 00:42:51,402 --> 00:42:52,994 My neighbor and best friend. 841 00:42:53,070 --> 00:42:54,765 Hi. Heath Pierson. 842 00:42:54,838 --> 00:42:56,271 I've heard a lot about you. 843 00:42:56,340 --> 00:42:57,830 You have? 844 00:42:59,176 --> 00:43:02,111 Well, I've heard a lot about you, too. 845 00:43:02,713 --> 00:43:05,011 Good, of course. 846 00:43:06,817 --> 00:43:10,048 Did you get my birthday card? I left it on your doorstep. 847 00:43:10,120 --> 00:43:12,179 Yes. Thank you. 848 00:43:12,756 --> 00:43:14,121 Did you read it? 849 00:43:14,191 --> 00:43:16,159 I haven't gotten a chance to open it yet. 850 00:43:16,226 --> 00:43:18,194 No, of course. You were busy. 851 00:43:18,862 --> 00:43:20,124 Well, read the card. 852 00:43:20,197 --> 00:43:23,724 And if you're still interested, let me know, okay? 853 00:43:24,602 --> 00:43:26,331 HEATH: So what do you think? 854 00:43:26,403 --> 00:43:27,495 Hey, look. I should be off. 855 00:43:27,571 --> 00:43:28,560 Nice to meet you, Albert. 856 00:43:28,639 --> 00:43:30,072 Yeah. 857 00:43:31,175 --> 00:43:33,302 [ Car alarm deactivates ] 858 00:43:41,085 --> 00:43:43,918 [ Up-tempo music playing ] 859 00:44:07,011 --> 00:44:09,571 Can we do that again, please? 860 00:44:10,147 --> 00:44:12,479 When we get to the piano dynamic, keep it simple. 861 00:44:12,549 --> 00:44:14,847 You think the musicians ever miss a note? 862 00:44:14,918 --> 00:44:18,081 Of course. Nobody's perfect. 863 00:44:18,155 --> 00:44:20,316 That's why there's so many of them up there. 864 00:44:21,258 --> 00:44:23,021 Enjoy your present now. 865 00:44:23,093 --> 00:44:25,527 They're all playing for you. 866 00:44:25,596 --> 00:44:28,087 Why don't you like him, Albert? You don't even know him. 867 00:44:28,666 --> 00:44:30,258 I know him. 868 00:44:30,734 --> 00:44:32,292 Now, he is perfect. 869 00:44:32,369 --> 00:44:34,462 He's Flawless-Man. 870 00:44:34,538 --> 00:44:36,165 Flawless body without working out. 871 00:44:36,240 --> 00:44:37,502 Flawless smile. 872 00:44:37,574 --> 00:44:40,407 Never runs out of gas. Never breaks a sweat. 873 00:44:40,477 --> 00:44:42,604 Never says the wrong thing. 874 00:44:42,680 --> 00:44:45,410 Makes us ordinary guys feel invisible. 875 00:44:46,583 --> 00:44:48,551 You got all that from one hello? 876 00:44:48,619 --> 00:44:49,847 I'm a writer, remember? 877 00:44:49,920 --> 00:44:52,081 I judge character faster than a speeding bullet. 878 00:44:52,156 --> 00:44:53,646 I thought we didn't judge. 879 00:44:53,724 --> 00:44:55,715 We judge when the rules are broken. 880 00:44:55,793 --> 00:44:59,695 You slept with him last night on a second date at your house. 881 00:44:59,763 --> 00:45:01,390 It breaks every Carolina rule I know. 882 00:45:01,465 --> 00:45:02,989 But I lived a little, Albert. 883 00:45:03,067 --> 00:45:04,432 I... 884 00:45:04,501 --> 00:45:06,662 I want a normal, available guy. 885 00:45:06,737 --> 00:45:08,705 I think I found one, and he makes me happy. 886 00:45:08,772 --> 00:45:12,139 Anyone named Heath Pierson is not a normal guy. 887 00:45:14,511 --> 00:45:16,069 I saw his car. 888 00:45:16,146 --> 00:45:18,307 A Jaguar. 889 00:45:18,382 --> 00:45:21,044 Again, not a normal guy. 890 00:45:29,927 --> 00:45:32,157 I invited him to Christmas dinner. 891 00:45:36,300 --> 00:45:37,631 You did what? 892 00:45:39,136 --> 00:45:40,660 Christmas dinner's for family. 893 00:45:40,738 --> 00:45:42,069 And what about you? 894 00:45:42,139 --> 00:45:44,801 You write about all this passion and romance. 895 00:45:44,875 --> 00:45:46,968 And "my love for you is endless." 896 00:45:47,044 --> 00:45:49,342 When was the last time you went on a date? 897 00:45:51,248 --> 00:45:53,682 As it so happens, I do have a date. 898 00:45:53,751 --> 00:45:55,378 Come on. You do not, Albert. 899 00:45:55,452 --> 00:45:57,443 I do, too. Why is that so surprising? 900 00:45:57,521 --> 00:45:59,580 A fourth date, in fact. She's a writer. 901 00:45:59,656 --> 00:46:01,123 And not another Daphne writer. 902 00:46:01,191 --> 00:46:04,092 But a "New York Times" bestseller writer. 903 00:46:05,329 --> 00:46:07,991 We met at my publisher's holiday party two weeks ago. 904 00:46:08,065 --> 00:46:09,657 Enjoy the concert. 905 00:46:09,733 --> 00:46:11,860 MAN: Again. Nice and lyrical. 906 00:46:11,935 --> 00:46:14,165 Four-bar phrases there. Join in the fun. 907 00:46:14,238 --> 00:46:15,899 A little more sound. 908 00:46:16,540 --> 00:46:17,871 So you're telling me 909 00:46:17,941 --> 00:46:19,875 you honestly don't know what happened? 910 00:46:19,943 --> 00:46:22,036 No. It's just not like Albert. 911 00:46:22,112 --> 00:46:23,773 Mm-hmm. 912 00:46:23,847 --> 00:46:26,281 Is it hard work being so dense, Carolina? 913 00:46:26,350 --> 00:46:28,250 What is that supposed to mean? 914 00:46:28,318 --> 00:46:30,286 Why don't you take a ride on Maine's horse 915 00:46:30,354 --> 00:46:32,288 and see what comes up? 916 00:46:32,356 --> 00:46:34,984 And you be careful. That's my wedding china. 917 00:46:35,492 --> 00:46:37,357 Why can't you just say what you mean? 918 00:46:39,463 --> 00:46:41,090 All right. 919 00:46:41,165 --> 00:46:42,792 Here's a thought. 920 00:46:43,433 --> 00:46:44,832 Forget about Albert. 921 00:46:44,902 --> 00:46:46,563 Forget about Maine. 922 00:46:46,637 --> 00:46:49,572 And forget about me, for that matter. 923 00:46:49,640 --> 00:46:51,608 What about you, Carolina? 924 00:46:51,675 --> 00:46:54,439 Why is your life so hard? 925 00:46:54,812 --> 00:46:58,270 Makes me think you're living somebody else's instead. 926 00:46:59,783 --> 00:47:01,341 Okay. 927 00:47:01,952 --> 00:47:03,715 Okay. Fine. 928 00:47:04,154 --> 00:47:05,621 Tomorrow is Christmas dinner. 929 00:47:05,689 --> 00:47:08,123 And I want you there more than anyone else. 930 00:47:08,192 --> 00:47:09,124 Well, shit. 931 00:47:09,193 --> 00:47:11,184 Why didn't you say so in the first place? 932 00:47:11,261 --> 00:47:12,558 Aah! 933 00:47:15,265 --> 00:47:17,358 [ Knock on door ] 934 00:47:17,434 --> 00:47:19,527 Hi. You look nice. 935 00:47:20,938 --> 00:47:21,996 Carolina. 936 00:47:22,072 --> 00:47:23,596 Look at these plates. 937 00:47:23,674 --> 00:47:25,505 Grandma lent them to me for Christmas. 938 00:47:25,576 --> 00:47:27,510 All this time we've been using paper plates. 939 00:47:27,578 --> 00:47:31,036 Here she had an entire set of china in the cupboard. 940 00:47:31,114 --> 00:47:32,911 -Carolina? -Anyway, listen. 941 00:47:32,983 --> 00:47:36,248 I just want to apologize for the Hollywood Bowl thing yesterday. 942 00:47:36,320 --> 00:47:38,811 You can date whoever. 943 00:47:38,889 --> 00:47:40,550 Or is it whomever? Whatever. 944 00:47:40,624 --> 00:47:41,955 Date who you want to date. 945 00:47:42,025 --> 00:47:43,959 It's really none of my business. 946 00:47:44,027 --> 00:47:47,360 I'm just glad you're getting out there and taking chances. 947 00:47:47,431 --> 00:47:49,422 And she's a writer. A real writer. 948 00:47:49,499 --> 00:47:50,659 Wow. 949 00:47:50,734 --> 00:47:53,259 Carolina, she's here. 950 00:47:53,337 --> 00:47:55,999 Debbie, this is Carolina, my friend. 951 00:47:56,073 --> 00:47:57,335 Carolina, this is Debbie. 952 00:47:57,407 --> 00:47:58,567 Hi. It's nice to meet you. 953 00:47:58,642 --> 00:48:00,803 Albert's told me a lot about you. 954 00:48:00,878 --> 00:48:02,971 Albert's told me a lot about you, too. 955 00:48:04,248 --> 00:48:07,274 He was just about to tell me more than he has. 956 00:48:07,351 --> 00:48:10,286 Like that you're pretty and smart. 957 00:48:10,354 --> 00:48:12,481 Which you are, obviously. 958 00:48:12,556 --> 00:48:14,751 You look great. You two look great. 959 00:48:14,825 --> 00:48:17,157 Together. A couple. 960 00:48:17,227 --> 00:48:18,819 So where you guys going, anyway? 961 00:48:18,896 --> 00:48:21,023 To a Christmas Eve service. 962 00:48:21,098 --> 00:48:23,123 My mom and dad and I go every year. 963 00:48:23,200 --> 00:48:24,895 It's kind of a family tradition. 964 00:48:24,968 --> 00:48:26,697 Wow. 965 00:48:28,438 --> 00:48:30,429 That's lovely. 966 00:49:08,779 --> 00:49:13,273 All you lazy, good-for-nothing goldbrickers, dinner is served. 967 00:49:13,350 --> 00:49:15,011 [ Laughter ] 968 00:49:15,085 --> 00:49:16,347 Merry Christmas. 969 00:49:16,420 --> 00:49:19,878 -Merry Christmas. -Merry Christmas, Grandma. 970 00:49:26,663 --> 00:49:29,063 Grandma, I told you not to bring anything. 971 00:49:29,132 --> 00:49:32,659 How you gonna feed all these people with one piddly bird? 972 00:49:35,539 --> 00:49:37,905 Now, nobody eat. Grandma's gotta pee. 973 00:49:37,975 --> 00:49:39,738 [ Laughter ] 974 00:49:43,213 --> 00:49:45,909 She brought her own turkey. 975 00:49:45,983 --> 00:49:47,177 I know. 976 00:49:47,250 --> 00:49:48,308 I saw. 977 00:49:48,385 --> 00:49:50,910 Albert. Are you staying? 978 00:49:50,988 --> 00:49:52,285 Of course. 979 00:49:52,356 --> 00:49:53,414 What about Debbie? 980 00:49:53,490 --> 00:49:56,186 She's with her parents. I'm gonna meet her after dinner. 981 00:49:56,259 --> 00:49:58,386 I don't have a name card for you. 982 00:49:58,462 --> 00:49:59,952 That's okay. 983 00:50:00,030 --> 00:50:01,998 I can remember my own name. 984 00:50:02,065 --> 00:50:03,293 Oh, here. Sit there. 985 00:50:03,367 --> 00:50:05,426 Aunt Marilyn got arrested again. 986 00:50:07,004 --> 00:50:08,335 Aah! 987 00:50:10,040 --> 00:50:12,031 [ Toilet flushes ] 988 00:50:13,043 --> 00:50:15,136 Carolina, honey, you're out of toilet paper. 989 00:50:15,212 --> 00:50:16,611 Okay. Who wants to say grace? 990 00:50:16,680 --> 00:50:17,942 I do. 991 00:50:18,015 --> 00:50:20,210 Oh, Albert. I love you like a son, honey. 992 00:50:20,283 --> 00:50:22,410 But you Jewish people, you can't go and kill Christ 993 00:50:22,486 --> 00:50:25,455 and expect to have a sit-down conversation with him later. 994 00:50:25,522 --> 00:50:26,489 [ Laughter ] 995 00:50:26,556 --> 00:50:28,990 Fine. He's all yours. 996 00:50:29,059 --> 00:50:30,822 I'll chat with him over dessert. 997 00:50:30,894 --> 00:50:32,725 [ Laughter ] 998 00:50:35,499 --> 00:50:37,467 [ Doorbell rings ] 999 00:50:37,534 --> 00:50:38,899 I'll get it. I'll get it. 1000 00:50:38,969 --> 00:50:40,800 Oh, go ahead. Carry on. 1001 00:50:41,605 --> 00:50:42,765 Who's missing? 1002 00:50:52,516 --> 00:50:54,643 Everybody, this is Heath. 1003 00:50:54,718 --> 00:50:56,481 Heath, everybody. 1004 00:50:57,421 --> 00:50:58,752 My family. 1005 00:51:01,525 --> 00:51:03,755 Sorry I'm late, everyone. 1006 00:51:04,761 --> 00:51:06,422 Happy Christmas. 1007 00:51:07,431 --> 00:51:09,365 Wine. How lovely. 1008 00:51:09,433 --> 00:51:11,958 I think I have an opener in the kitchen. 1009 00:51:13,036 --> 00:51:14,333 [ British accent ] Who the hell is that? 1010 00:51:14,404 --> 00:51:17,134 Language, girl. No one knows who the hell it is. 1011 00:51:18,642 --> 00:51:20,337 A lot of people. 1012 00:51:20,410 --> 00:51:21,775 Yeah. 1013 00:51:40,363 --> 00:51:42,388 Your lipstick's smeared. 1014 00:51:43,300 --> 00:51:45,359 Thank you, Maine. 1015 00:51:45,435 --> 00:51:46,959 Grandma, will you please say grace? 1016 00:51:47,037 --> 00:51:49,267 Mm-hmm. Certainly. 1017 00:51:50,373 --> 00:51:52,034 Everyone bow their heads, please. 1018 00:51:53,743 --> 00:51:56,007 Lord, bless my family. 1019 00:51:56,446 --> 00:51:59,609 Fill their bellies and keep them warm and safe. 1020 00:52:00,650 --> 00:52:02,550 And now, Lord, let's get personal. 1021 00:52:02,619 --> 00:52:04,587 Please find Georgia a man 1022 00:52:04,654 --> 00:52:06,747 to daddy that young 'un that she's carrying. 1023 00:52:06,823 --> 00:52:07,585 Grandma. 1024 00:52:07,657 --> 00:52:09,147 Give Maine those lottery numbers 1025 00:52:09,226 --> 00:52:12,593 before she loses her virginity on that rocking horse. 1026 00:52:12,662 --> 00:52:16,496 Lord, let my Teddy settle down and plant some roots. 1027 00:52:17,134 --> 00:52:20,194 Look over my sister, Marilyn, who, bless her ignorant soul, 1028 00:52:20,270 --> 00:52:21,601 is back in jail again. 1029 00:52:21,671 --> 00:52:23,866 Enlighten her about cellular telephones 1030 00:52:23,940 --> 00:52:27,671 and credit-card transactions, both of which are traceable. 1031 00:52:30,480 --> 00:52:32,414 And finally, Lord... 1032 00:52:34,351 --> 00:52:37,115 Bless my Carolina's heart. 1033 00:52:37,187 --> 00:52:40,953 For she is the best part of me. 1034 00:52:46,696 --> 00:52:48,061 Amen. 1035 00:52:48,131 --> 00:52:50,759 TOGETHER: Amen. 1036 00:52:50,834 --> 00:52:53,132 Daddy, I think you should carve the turkey. 1037 00:53:01,878 --> 00:53:04,870 Okay. [ Chuckles ] 1038 00:53:04,948 --> 00:53:07,644 Looks like you've got yourself a dilemma, son. 1039 00:53:07,717 --> 00:53:12,051 I got two fine-looking turkeys in front of me here. 1040 00:53:12,122 --> 00:53:14,488 And I'm just one man. 1041 00:53:14,558 --> 00:53:18,255 I'd like to ask Al to give me a hand. 1042 00:53:18,328 --> 00:53:19,659 Al? 1043 00:53:20,864 --> 00:53:22,627 I'll go get another knife. 1044 00:53:22,699 --> 00:53:24,667 Let's move this Martha Stewart shit 1045 00:53:24,734 --> 00:53:27,897 and take this turkey down in front of you then, Theodore. 1046 00:53:28,471 --> 00:53:31,668 So, Maine, what kind of horses do you ride? 1047 00:53:32,242 --> 00:53:33,573 Dead ones. 1048 00:53:35,078 --> 00:53:37,137 Right. So you were raised in Britain? 1049 00:53:37,214 --> 00:53:39,739 [ Normal voice ] I was raised right goddamn here. 1050 00:53:39,816 --> 00:53:40,976 Language. 1051 00:53:41,051 --> 00:53:42,780 What happened to your accent? 1052 00:53:42,852 --> 00:53:44,183 I'm over it. 1053 00:53:44,254 --> 00:53:45,653 Right. 1054 00:53:46,556 --> 00:53:49,582 No, no. Everyone has to pass to the right. 1055 00:53:49,659 --> 00:53:52,457 -This way. -To the right. 1056 00:53:53,330 --> 00:53:55,821 Oh, congratulations on the baby. 1057 00:53:55,899 --> 00:53:57,093 Where's the father-to-be? 1058 00:53:57,167 --> 00:54:00,534 Oh. One-night stand. 1059 00:54:00,604 --> 00:54:03,937 Daddy, um, Heath works in advertising. 1060 00:54:04,007 --> 00:54:05,269 Oh, that's good work. 1061 00:54:05,342 --> 00:54:08,368 Have you done anything that I might know? 1062 00:54:08,445 --> 00:54:13,940 Well, my firm did those, uh, Absolut vodka-themed ads. 1063 00:54:14,017 --> 00:54:18,113 The, uh, "Bond. Absolut Bond." 1064 00:54:18,188 --> 00:54:20,986 Oh, yeah! 1065 00:54:21,057 --> 00:54:22,547 That was you? 1066 00:54:24,160 --> 00:54:26,685 So, what kind of work do you do, sir? 1067 00:54:28,164 --> 00:54:30,359 I'm a drunk. 1068 00:54:33,270 --> 00:54:35,568 It's been 30 days since my last drink. 1069 00:54:35,639 --> 00:54:37,402 Daddy, really? 1070 00:54:37,474 --> 00:54:39,908 Big love, Daddy! 1071 00:54:43,546 --> 00:54:44,706 [ Barks ] 1072 00:54:46,416 --> 00:54:47,883 It's only 30 days. 1073 00:54:47,951 --> 00:54:50,078 [ Barking ] 1074 00:54:51,988 --> 00:54:53,012 Oh! 1075 00:54:57,260 --> 00:55:00,195 [ Laughter ] 1076 00:55:06,770 --> 00:55:08,704 Why? 1077 00:55:08,772 --> 00:55:10,740 Because if I leave her home alone, 1078 00:55:10,807 --> 00:55:13,401 she's only gonna pee on my shoes. 1079 00:55:17,981 --> 00:55:20,848 Did I tell you the one about the time I found Marilyn 1080 00:55:20,917 --> 00:55:23,715 playing lollipop with the reverend under the table? 1081 00:55:23,787 --> 00:55:25,049 [ Laughter ] 1082 00:55:25,121 --> 00:55:27,021 How about a different story, Grandma? 1083 00:55:27,090 --> 00:55:27,920 Okay. 1084 00:55:27,991 --> 00:55:29,788 Um... 1085 00:55:29,859 --> 00:55:31,724 Um... 1086 00:55:31,795 --> 00:55:33,194 Oh... 1087 00:55:33,263 --> 00:55:35,891 How about the time Marilyn hit me upside the head 1088 00:55:35,965 --> 00:55:37,159 with an ax handle? 1089 00:55:37,233 --> 00:55:39,701 GEORGlA: Mmm! Yes. Tell that one! 1090 00:55:39,769 --> 00:55:41,794 Yeah! How'd you get back at her? 1091 00:55:41,871 --> 00:55:44,897 Now, even though I'm the oldest and Marilyn is the youngest, 1092 00:55:44,974 --> 00:55:47,966 she was always built like a brick shithouse. 1093 00:55:48,044 --> 00:55:49,102 When she was 10, 1094 00:55:49,179 --> 00:55:52,148 she didn't have those big boobs like she's got now. 1095 00:55:52,215 --> 00:55:53,614 Well, she was worried about that. 1096 00:55:53,683 --> 00:55:55,207 There was this dance coming up. 1097 00:55:55,285 --> 00:55:59,051 So I said, "What you gotta do is get some chicken manure. 1098 00:55:59,122 --> 00:56:01,454 Chicken manure spread on the boobies 1099 00:56:01,524 --> 00:56:03,549 will make them grow faster." 1100 00:56:03,626 --> 00:56:05,287 [ Laughing ] And so she did. 1101 00:56:05,362 --> 00:56:08,092 She spread this chicken manure, and she rubbed. 1102 00:56:08,164 --> 00:56:10,394 And she rubbed and she rubbed. 1103 00:56:10,467 --> 00:56:12,264 She rubbed for weeks. 1104 00:56:12,335 --> 00:56:15,498 It comes the time for the dance. She stank to high heaven. 1105 00:56:17,140 --> 00:56:20,735 And the flies were swarming all over her. 1106 00:56:20,810 --> 00:56:22,573 [ Laughter ] 1107 00:56:22,645 --> 00:56:27,673 She never hit me upside the head with that ax handle again. 1108 00:56:27,751 --> 00:56:29,685 Is that why Aunt Marilyn's a whore? 1109 00:56:33,256 --> 00:56:35,417 She's not a whore, honey. She's a madam. 1110 00:56:35,492 --> 00:56:38,689 She's a madam 'cause she likes money without taxation. 1111 00:56:38,762 --> 00:56:39,820 [ Laughter ] 1112 00:56:39,896 --> 00:56:41,090 Anyone for eggnog? 1113 00:56:41,164 --> 00:56:42,961 Yeah, I'll have some. Thanks, honey. 1114 00:56:45,201 --> 00:56:47,066 So, Heath, come over here, honey, 1115 00:56:47,137 --> 00:56:49,731 and sit down and tell us all about yourself. 1116 00:56:49,806 --> 00:56:50,329 Come on. 1117 00:56:50,407 --> 00:56:53,672 Actually, Mrs. Mirabeau, I have to leave, I'm afraid. 1118 00:56:53,743 --> 00:56:55,108 Another Christmas party. 1119 00:56:55,178 --> 00:56:57,840 One of those boring office things. 1120 00:57:02,452 --> 00:57:04,443 Can I talk to you for a second? 1121 00:57:05,789 --> 00:57:06,983 Sure. 1122 00:57:07,924 --> 00:57:11,052 Well, did I tell you the one about when I was pregnant? 1123 00:57:11,127 --> 00:57:12,685 Now, listen. 1124 00:57:12,762 --> 00:57:15,526 If you have to leave, leave. 1125 00:57:16,099 --> 00:57:19,694 But first, can you go back in there and tell Carolina 1126 00:57:19,769 --> 00:57:22,067 how much meeting her family has meant to you 1127 00:57:22,138 --> 00:57:24,504 and how special a day it was for you? 1128 00:57:24,574 --> 00:57:25,836 Can you do that? 1129 00:57:26,843 --> 00:57:28,572 Yeah, I can do that. 1130 00:57:28,645 --> 00:57:30,476 Can I ask you something? 1131 00:57:31,014 --> 00:57:32,481 Shoot. 1132 00:57:33,249 --> 00:57:36,548 You and Carolina. Have you got a thing going on? 1133 00:57:38,321 --> 00:57:39,549 No. 1134 00:57:40,924 --> 00:57:42,516 No thing. 1135 00:57:45,795 --> 00:57:48,093 Merry Christmas, you guys. 1136 00:57:48,164 --> 00:57:51,725 Good night, everyone. We're off to the races. 1137 00:57:51,801 --> 00:57:53,632 I'll call you tomorrow. 1138 00:57:59,342 --> 00:58:00,969 Ooh, Albert. You're quite the dancer. 1139 00:58:01,044 --> 00:58:04,605 Well, I had a good time. 1140 00:58:06,082 --> 00:58:07,413 I did. 1141 00:58:09,052 --> 00:58:11,612 You got your wish. 1142 00:58:12,121 --> 00:58:13,554 Hmm? 1143 00:58:13,623 --> 00:58:16,057 But next Christmas is gonna be in my backyard again. 1144 00:58:16,125 --> 00:58:17,524 You got it? 1145 00:58:18,161 --> 00:58:19,458 I do. 1146 00:58:20,530 --> 00:58:22,862 It's a lot harder than I thought it was gonna be. 1147 00:58:22,932 --> 00:58:25,127 You make it look very easy. 1148 00:58:25,902 --> 00:58:27,392 Thank you. 1149 00:58:28,304 --> 00:58:29,965 I love you, you know. 1150 00:58:33,042 --> 00:58:34,942 I love you, too, pet. 1151 00:58:38,081 --> 00:58:40,447 Uh, that Heath person of yours. 1152 00:58:41,150 --> 00:58:42,310 Nice boy. 1153 00:58:42,385 --> 00:58:44,114 Isn't he, though? 1154 00:58:45,288 --> 00:58:48,451 But stiffer than a preacher's dick at a wedding. 1155 00:58:49,359 --> 00:58:51,156 Night, punkin. 1156 00:59:03,039 --> 00:59:04,472 [ Knock on door ] 1157 00:59:04,541 --> 00:59:06,236 Yeah? 1158 00:59:08,678 --> 00:59:10,646 -Hey. -Hey. 1159 00:59:10,713 --> 00:59:14,581 I, um, forgot to give you my Christmas present. 1160 00:59:15,285 --> 00:59:16,217 Close your eyes. 1161 00:59:16,286 --> 00:59:17,275 Okay. 1162 00:59:26,229 --> 00:59:27,560 Open 'em. 1163 00:59:28,097 --> 00:59:29,428 BOTH: Merry Christmas! 1164 00:59:29,499 --> 00:59:31,524 We're the cleaning queens of West Hollywood. 1165 00:59:31,601 --> 00:59:32,465 Are you ready? 1166 00:59:32,535 --> 00:59:34,002 5, 6, 7, 8. 1167 00:59:34,070 --> 00:59:36,834 ♪ Dusting and sweeping and scrubbing with Comet ♪ 1168 00:59:36,906 --> 00:59:39,534 ♪ We'll clean your mess up from bloodstains to vomit ♪ 1169 00:59:39,609 --> 00:59:41,270 - ♪ The Swiffer ♪ - ♪ The Hoover ♪ 1170 00:59:41,344 --> 00:59:42,606 ♪ I'm good with a hose ♪ 1171 00:59:42,679 --> 00:59:44,044 ♪ Smells can't outrun us ♪ 1172 00:59:44,113 --> 00:59:46,081 ♪ 'Cause I'm good with my nose ♪ 1173 00:59:46,149 --> 00:59:47,582 ♪ Get the stains out ♪ 1174 00:59:47,650 --> 00:59:48,981 ♪ Scrub that tile grout ♪ 1175 00:59:49,052 --> 00:59:51,646 ♪ Use deep-cleaning foam ♪ 1176 00:59:51,721 --> 00:59:54,349 ♪ We'll pass the red-glove test in no time at all ♪ 1177 00:59:54,424 --> 00:59:56,824 -We'll even feng shui your home. -Mm-hmm. 1178 00:59:56,893 --> 00:59:58,793 - ♪ The cleaning queens ♪ -Oh! 1179 01:00:00,296 --> 01:00:02,491 Oh, that was great. 1180 01:00:02,565 --> 01:00:07,059 So leave the dishes to the experts and come with me. 1181 01:00:10,239 --> 01:00:11,672 What is it? 1182 01:00:13,376 --> 01:00:16,243 Oh, new Daphne galleys. Let me see. 1183 01:00:19,182 --> 01:00:21,446 You put your own name on a Daphne book? 1184 01:00:21,517 --> 01:00:23,109 It's not a Daphne book. 1185 01:00:23,186 --> 01:00:24,244 It's my book. 1186 01:00:26,489 --> 01:00:27,649 Here. If you... 1187 01:00:27,724 --> 01:00:29,749 Turn the page, there. 1188 01:00:32,895 --> 01:00:34,863 "For Carolina." 1189 01:00:34,931 --> 01:00:36,956 Albert, that's... 1190 01:00:37,033 --> 01:00:38,295 I think I'm gonna cry. 1191 01:00:38,368 --> 01:00:42,862 I've been writing it on and off for about a year now. 1192 01:00:44,040 --> 01:00:46,235 It's about us, really. I mean, sort of. 1193 01:00:46,309 --> 01:00:50,006 I mean, it's inspired by us. 1194 01:00:50,980 --> 01:00:52,038 Is it bad? 1195 01:00:53,650 --> 01:00:54,742 No. 1196 01:00:55,451 --> 01:00:57,180 It's... 1197 01:00:57,954 --> 01:00:59,512 It's, uh... 1198 01:00:59,589 --> 01:01:02,149 It's a love story, Carolina. 1199 01:01:03,993 --> 01:01:06,325 It's everything I've been afraid to say. 1200 01:01:06,396 --> 01:01:09,559 Everything that I feel about you. 1201 01:01:11,434 --> 01:01:13,527 Albert. Oh, my God. 1202 01:01:13,603 --> 01:01:15,400 Me and Debbie, you and Heath. 1203 01:01:15,471 --> 01:01:18,929 They're great people, yeah. But they're not our people. 1204 01:01:19,509 --> 01:01:23,639 Carolina, this isn't hard. 1205 01:01:24,080 --> 01:01:27,777 We were friends first, which is what's gonna make us last. 1206 01:01:33,423 --> 01:01:36,051 I think I better go check on the cleaning crew. 1207 01:01:36,125 --> 01:01:37,786 Oh. 1208 01:01:38,761 --> 01:01:40,786 Please don't walk out that door. 1209 01:01:48,638 --> 01:01:50,128 This is all so sudden. 1210 01:01:50,206 --> 01:01:52,436 You tell me that you wrote a book about us 1211 01:01:52,508 --> 01:01:54,339 and that you want us... 1212 01:01:56,179 --> 01:01:58,238 That's not fair, really. 1213 01:01:59,816 --> 01:02:01,181 I should have known. 1214 01:02:01,250 --> 01:02:03,548 This is what you do with every guy that you meet. 1215 01:02:03,619 --> 01:02:06,213 But the joke's on me, isn't it? 1216 01:02:06,289 --> 01:02:08,223 Because I thought I was different. 1217 01:02:08,291 --> 01:02:10,156 You are different. 1218 01:02:11,661 --> 01:02:13,959 You can't just spring this on me. 1219 01:02:15,798 --> 01:02:17,891 I don't know what to say. 1220 01:02:19,936 --> 01:02:21,699 You just said it. 1221 01:02:27,510 --> 01:02:30,172 [ Door opens, closes ] 1222 01:02:52,034 --> 01:02:55,265 Why aren't you out with Heath on New Year's Eve, Carolina? 1223 01:02:55,338 --> 01:02:57,067 He didn't call. 1224 01:02:57,440 --> 01:02:58,873 What about Albert? 1225 01:02:58,941 --> 01:03:00,772 What do you want to wear tonight? 1226 01:03:01,511 --> 01:03:03,706 Mm-mm. You decide. 1227 01:03:03,780 --> 01:03:05,611 Is Ernie still married? 1228 01:03:05,948 --> 01:03:07,176 The zipper's busted. 1229 01:03:07,250 --> 01:03:09,184 Of course Ernie's married. 1230 01:03:09,252 --> 01:03:11,015 How come you're dating a married man? 1231 01:03:11,087 --> 01:03:14,056 Grandma skips that commandment, Maine. 1232 01:03:14,123 --> 01:03:15,488 That's a good one. 1233 01:03:15,558 --> 01:03:17,219 Thank you, honey. 1234 01:03:18,194 --> 01:03:20,355 Now, you know, after a while you learn 1235 01:03:20,429 --> 01:03:23,956 that the rules of the world don't have to apply to you. 1236 01:03:24,033 --> 01:03:25,364 You think about it. 1237 01:03:27,336 --> 01:03:29,463 It's all nonsense. 1238 01:03:29,539 --> 01:03:30,665 Hmm? 1239 01:03:31,440 --> 01:03:32,930 It is. 1240 01:03:33,009 --> 01:03:35,477 We're here. We die. 1241 01:03:39,215 --> 01:03:43,982 Now, when I met your Grandpa Herschel, we was both 15. 1242 01:03:44,053 --> 01:03:46,283 He could drink a whole entire bottle of soda 1243 01:03:46,355 --> 01:03:48,448 and never take a breath. 1244 01:03:48,524 --> 01:03:50,992 And he had very clean fingernails. 1245 01:03:51,060 --> 01:03:52,789 So I married him. 1246 01:03:53,396 --> 01:03:56,297 And when he died, my true love died. 1247 01:03:56,365 --> 01:03:58,890 Soured me on my home. 1248 01:03:58,968 --> 01:04:02,699 So me and my boy, Teddy, we come west. 1249 01:04:03,372 --> 01:04:06,034 And here I am. 1250 01:04:06,108 --> 01:04:08,099 A single grandma. 1251 01:04:09,445 --> 01:04:14,178 And whenever I need a man, I got Ernie. 1252 01:04:15,451 --> 01:04:18,511 We have an understanding between us. 1253 01:04:19,155 --> 01:04:22,556 And, girls, that is a lot in this world. 1254 01:04:25,928 --> 01:04:27,418 Mm-hmm. 1255 01:04:29,165 --> 01:04:31,030 Ooh. 1256 01:04:31,634 --> 01:04:36,094 Thank you for making me so presentable on New Year's Eve. 1257 01:04:36,172 --> 01:04:38,333 [ Laughter ] 1258 01:04:40,443 --> 01:04:42,911 [ Footsteps approaching ] 1259 01:04:44,680 --> 01:04:46,204 Evening, Millie. 1260 01:04:46,282 --> 01:04:48,273 Evening, Ernie. Thank you. 1261 01:04:48,351 --> 01:04:49,477 Yeah. 1262 01:04:49,552 --> 01:04:50,917 My, you look nice tonight. 1263 01:04:50,987 --> 01:04:52,682 Okay. Thank you. 1264 01:04:52,755 --> 01:04:55,019 That's a beautiful dress you have on, Millie. 1265 01:04:55,091 --> 01:04:56,490 Thank you. 1266 01:04:58,094 --> 01:05:00,289 Now, remember. 1267 01:05:00,363 --> 01:05:03,628 God said "celebrate," not "celibate." 1268 01:05:05,935 --> 01:05:07,095 Oh, let me get that. 1269 01:05:07,169 --> 01:05:08,431 Thanks, Ernie. 1270 01:05:08,504 --> 01:05:09,698 -See you. -Bye. 1271 01:05:09,772 --> 01:05:11,262 Bye. 1272 01:05:12,608 --> 01:05:14,872 So, what do you guys want to do on New Year's Eve? 1273 01:05:14,944 --> 01:05:17,538 Get drunk and watch the ball drop. What else? 1274 01:05:17,613 --> 01:05:18,875 Sounds good. 1275 01:05:18,948 --> 01:05:20,711 What's "celibate"? 1276 01:05:21,784 --> 01:05:23,479 Peekaboo! 1277 01:05:26,956 --> 01:05:31,154 ♪ And do, do, do-do ♪ 1278 01:05:41,570 --> 01:05:47,668 ♪ The night can seem to last forever ♪ 1279 01:05:47,743 --> 01:05:53,238 ♪ Convince you you'll never see the morning sun ♪ 1280 01:05:53,316 --> 01:05:56,752 ♪ Shining like a long-lost friend ♪ 1281 01:05:56,819 --> 01:06:02,985 ♪ But in time, the dawn will appear ♪ 1282 01:06:03,059 --> 01:06:06,859 ♪ And take away your fear ♪ 1283 01:06:06,929 --> 01:06:12,128 ♪ Open up the sky and open up your heart again ♪ 1284 01:06:12,201 --> 01:06:16,228 ♪ When the morning comes, the sun's gonna shine ♪ 1285 01:06:16,305 --> 01:06:20,036 ♪ It'll take us back to a better time ♪ 1286 01:06:20,109 --> 01:06:22,043 ♪ When the morning comes ♪ 1287 01:06:22,111 --> 01:06:26,741 ♪ We'll be looking at a brighter day ♪ 1288 01:06:27,683 --> 01:06:29,878 ♪ I know ♪ 1289 01:06:29,952 --> 01:06:37,256 ♪ It's hard to believe that we can live the dream ♪ 1290 01:06:37,326 --> 01:06:39,351 ♪ The dream that's in our hearts ♪ 1291 01:06:39,428 --> 01:06:42,795 ♪ That we thought was so far away ♪ 1292 01:06:42,865 --> 01:06:44,230 ♪ And if we try ♪ 1293 01:06:44,300 --> 01:06:46,996 A boy. But I had a dream last night it was a girl. 1294 01:06:47,069 --> 01:06:49,060 So maybe I'm just having twins. 1295 01:06:51,340 --> 01:06:53,240 Well, if you have a girl or a boy, 1296 01:06:53,309 --> 01:06:54,901 you could still use this, right? 1297 01:06:54,977 --> 01:06:56,103 Well, here's what I mean. 1298 01:06:56,178 --> 01:06:58,078 It has rockets and cars and stuff. 1299 01:06:58,147 --> 01:07:00,138 And I'm a girl. I like rockets and cars. 1300 01:07:00,216 --> 01:07:01,274 And it has stars. 1301 01:07:01,350 --> 01:07:04,148 16, 9, 4, and 27. 1302 01:07:04,220 --> 01:07:05,551 16. 1303 01:07:06,222 --> 01:07:07,484 [ British accent ] 26! 1304 01:07:08,190 --> 01:07:10,624 26. 1305 01:07:16,599 --> 01:07:20,399 ALBERT: Oh, there are tons of Jewish rock stars. 1306 01:07:20,469 --> 01:07:22,334 Name one. Name two. 1307 01:07:22,405 --> 01:07:23,463 All right. 1308 01:07:23,539 --> 01:07:25,632 You know Bob Dylan's Jewish, right? 1309 01:07:25,708 --> 01:07:28,302 Right. Uh, Twisted Sister. 1310 01:07:28,377 --> 01:07:31,369 They have this really long hair and piercings and stuff. 1311 01:07:31,447 --> 01:07:34,109 But they sometimes still come by. 1312 01:07:43,926 --> 01:07:45,587 Here you go, hon. 1313 01:07:45,661 --> 01:07:46,855 Where's Albert? 1314 01:07:46,929 --> 01:07:49,227 We've missed your faces around here. 1315 01:07:49,298 --> 01:07:52,062 Thanks. It's nice to be missed. 1316 01:08:00,342 --> 01:08:02,105 Is this seat taken? 1317 01:08:02,178 --> 01:08:03,975 How did you find me? 1318 01:08:04,046 --> 01:08:05,741 I stopped by your apartment yesterday. 1319 01:08:05,815 --> 01:08:07,282 But you weren't there. 1320 01:08:07,349 --> 01:08:08,816 Albert told me you come here 1321 01:08:08,884 --> 01:08:10,875 every Monday morning for pancakes. 1322 01:08:11,754 --> 01:08:13,449 So you saw Albert? 1323 01:08:13,522 --> 01:08:15,080 Mmm. 1324 01:08:15,157 --> 01:08:16,351 Can I sit down? 1325 01:08:24,233 --> 01:08:27,794 I'm sorry for not returning your calls, Carolina. 1326 01:08:27,870 --> 01:08:28,962 Yeah. 1327 01:08:29,038 --> 01:08:32,030 Well, we sleep together, and you don't call me for five months. 1328 01:08:32,108 --> 01:08:34,633 That's pretty typical around these parts. 1329 01:08:36,112 --> 01:08:39,878 I had to go back to England and hold a few hands. 1330 01:08:44,353 --> 01:08:48,312 To be honest, I sort of got cold feet. 1331 01:08:50,392 --> 01:08:53,259 But look. I brought you something by way of atonement. 1332 01:08:54,563 --> 01:08:56,428 Well, open it. 1333 01:08:57,967 --> 01:09:03,371 Your station is one of our clients, and I made a few calls. 1334 01:09:03,439 --> 01:09:04,997 You got me my job back? 1335 01:09:05,574 --> 01:09:06,734 Uh-huh. 1336 01:09:08,744 --> 01:09:10,336 Wow. 1337 01:09:10,713 --> 01:09:14,774 That is real Prince Charming kind of stuff. 1338 01:09:15,384 --> 01:09:17,352 To the rescue and all that. 1339 01:09:17,920 --> 01:09:19,148 But? 1340 01:09:20,789 --> 01:09:23,417 I'm sorry. 1341 01:09:23,893 --> 01:09:27,454 I shouldn't have invited you to Christmas dinner. 1342 01:09:27,530 --> 01:09:31,364 It was too soon to throw you into the Mirabeaus like that. 1343 01:09:31,433 --> 01:09:34,561 It's just I was feeling so sure of myself. 1344 01:09:36,639 --> 01:09:39,506 The thing is... 1345 01:09:39,575 --> 01:09:42,305 I was trying to force someone -- you -- into my life. 1346 01:09:42,378 --> 01:09:45,609 It's like you're this beautiful, expensive ltalian suit. 1347 01:09:45,681 --> 01:09:47,512 And I just don't have the faintest idea 1348 01:09:47,583 --> 01:09:49,551 where I'm gonna wear you. 1349 01:09:52,454 --> 01:09:55,014 Me and my family. 1350 01:09:55,090 --> 01:09:56,182 They're all that I have. 1351 01:09:56,258 --> 01:09:58,624 And... 1352 01:09:58,694 --> 01:10:01,754 We're just not suit people. 1353 01:10:03,766 --> 01:10:07,327 That's the first time I've ever been called an ltalian suit. 1354 01:10:08,571 --> 01:10:10,971 But I think I know what you're saying. 1355 01:10:13,242 --> 01:10:14,231 It's funny. 1356 01:10:14,310 --> 01:10:17,768 I always thought of myself as this great communicator. 1357 01:10:17,846 --> 01:10:19,473 Advertising and all that. 1358 01:10:19,548 --> 01:10:23,541 But I sort of blew it with you. 1359 01:10:24,019 --> 01:10:25,452 This time. 1360 01:10:25,521 --> 01:10:27,011 Didn't l? 1361 01:10:40,269 --> 01:10:42,260 [ Screaming ] 1362 01:10:45,474 --> 01:10:48,102 Breathe slow. Breathe slow. 1363 01:10:48,177 --> 01:10:49,235 Slow, out. 1364 01:10:49,311 --> 01:10:50,539 That's the way I did it. 1365 01:10:50,613 --> 01:10:53,207 I know what you're going through. 1366 01:10:53,282 --> 01:10:55,648 Now, sweetheart, you're gonna have to push harder. 1367 01:10:55,718 --> 01:10:57,083 Wait. Wait. I got some help. 1368 01:10:57,152 --> 01:10:58,449 Very good. Something's crowning. 1369 01:10:58,520 --> 01:10:59,885 -Here. Here, here, here. -Oh, here it comes. 1370 01:10:59,955 --> 01:11:00,979 Here. Bite! 1371 01:11:01,056 --> 01:11:02,751 Bite. Hard! 1372 01:11:03,325 --> 01:11:05,350 What is that? 1373 01:11:05,427 --> 01:11:06,724 That was the doggie treat. 1374 01:11:06,795 --> 01:11:09,355 -One more good push. -I can't! 1375 01:11:09,431 --> 01:11:11,194 All right. All right. Come here. 1376 01:11:11,267 --> 01:11:13,132 Come here. Now, listen to me. 1377 01:11:13,202 --> 01:11:14,726 I'm your grandmother. You hearing me? 1378 01:11:14,803 --> 01:11:17,033 Now, you breathe deep and you push hard. 1379 01:11:17,106 --> 01:11:19,370 You push and you push! 1380 01:11:19,441 --> 01:11:21,602 You push harder. Harder, harder, harder. 1381 01:11:21,677 --> 01:11:25,044 Or I'm gonna go get a plunger and suck that baby out of you. 1382 01:11:25,114 --> 01:11:28,049 [ Grunts, screams ] 1383 01:11:28,117 --> 01:11:30,108 Okay. All right. 1384 01:11:30,185 --> 01:11:31,652 Open up. Open. 1385 01:11:31,720 --> 01:11:32,687 I know. I know. 1386 01:11:32,755 --> 01:11:35,622 He's so cute. 1387 01:11:37,326 --> 01:11:38,793 Aw! 1388 01:11:38,861 --> 01:11:41,386 He's such a beautiful baby boy. 1389 01:11:41,463 --> 01:11:43,761 I'm gonna name him California. 1390 01:11:44,333 --> 01:11:45,561 Cal for short. 1391 01:11:45,634 --> 01:11:47,499 Georgia, you look just like a fairy princess. 1392 01:11:47,569 --> 01:11:49,594 Now, just give me a little look at this. 1393 01:11:49,672 --> 01:11:51,264 I want to see you close up. 1394 01:11:51,340 --> 01:11:53,171 Oh! 1395 01:11:54,410 --> 01:11:57,743 Oh, he's so precious. 1396 01:11:57,813 --> 01:12:00,213 Hey. Something wrong with his eyes. 1397 01:12:01,684 --> 01:12:02,946 You know? They're crooked. 1398 01:12:05,354 --> 01:12:09,120 Georgia peach, you been eating too many egg rolls? 1399 01:12:10,192 --> 01:12:12,160 There you go, honey. 1400 01:12:12,227 --> 01:12:14,627 -[ Laughs ] -Easy there. 1401 01:12:15,531 --> 01:12:18,022 [ Elevator bell dings ] 1402 01:12:23,672 --> 01:12:25,970 Oh, I'm just so glad you could make it, son. 1403 01:12:26,041 --> 01:12:28,236 I'm sorry I'm late. I had an A.A. meeting. 1404 01:12:28,310 --> 01:12:30,278 Why don't you just shovel your sorrys elsewhere? 1405 01:12:30,346 --> 01:12:31,779 'Cause we are full. 1406 01:12:31,847 --> 01:12:33,075 I had a meeting... 1407 01:12:33,148 --> 01:12:35,048 -Shut! -Mother. 1408 01:12:36,051 --> 01:12:39,782 California Theodore Mirabeau. 1409 01:12:39,855 --> 01:12:41,982 That's his name, Lord help him. 1410 01:12:42,658 --> 01:12:44,990 You were called 22 hours ago. 1411 01:12:45,060 --> 01:12:48,757 And that girl still named her baby after you. 1412 01:12:48,831 --> 01:12:51,664 How much of that A.A. crap you gonna do before you realize 1413 01:12:51,734 --> 01:12:54,601 how much life you are missing? 1414 01:12:56,605 --> 01:12:59,335 You want the card, Mother? 1415 01:13:01,643 --> 01:13:04,441 MAlNE: Aw. He's so cute! 1416 01:13:06,682 --> 01:13:09,583 All I've done is screw up you girls' lives, haven't l? 1417 01:13:11,587 --> 01:13:15,148 You could try harder. 1418 01:13:39,882 --> 01:13:43,010 [ Thinking ] Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. 1419 01:13:43,085 --> 01:13:44,643 What day should I buy my ticket? 1420 01:13:47,689 --> 01:13:51,352 Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. 1421 01:13:51,427 --> 01:13:54,021 Today, tomorrow, day after tomorrow. 1422 01:13:54,096 --> 01:13:57,623 Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. 1423 01:14:00,702 --> 01:14:02,192 Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. 1424 01:14:02,271 --> 01:14:04,296 Thursday, Thursday! Friday, Friday! 1425 01:14:04,373 --> 01:14:06,204 Friday, Friday! Today! 1426 01:14:06,275 --> 01:14:08,505 [ Horse whinnies ] 1427 01:14:25,828 --> 01:14:27,352 Going to school. 1428 01:14:27,429 --> 01:14:28,794 Bye! 1429 01:14:37,439 --> 01:14:40,431 -Good breasts. Good boobs. -[ Cellphone ringing ] 1430 01:14:43,512 --> 01:14:44,570 Hello? 1431 01:14:44,646 --> 01:14:47,979 MlLLlE: Carolina, I need you to go to the bookstore. 1432 01:14:48,050 --> 01:14:50,382 Okay. I'll go tonight. 1433 01:14:50,452 --> 01:14:52,613 Mnh-mnh. You'll go today. 3:00. 1434 01:14:52,688 --> 01:14:53,950 I'm working all day. 1435 01:14:54,022 --> 01:14:56,320 For once in your life, you do what I tell you. 1436 01:14:56,391 --> 01:14:58,655 My book comes in at 3:00 p.m. today 1437 01:14:58,727 --> 01:15:00,558 at that bookstore that you like. 1438 01:15:00,629 --> 01:15:03,462 They won't hold it a moment after that, honey. 1439 01:15:03,532 --> 01:15:05,762 There's some kind of run going on it. 1440 01:15:05,834 --> 01:15:08,132 All right. I'll go. I'll get it for you. 1441 01:15:08,203 --> 01:15:10,171 Bye-bye, honey. 1442 01:15:21,149 --> 01:15:23,743 Emily, what's the deal with the candy bars? Pregnant? 1443 01:15:23,819 --> 01:15:24,979 [ Laughs ] 1444 01:15:25,053 --> 01:15:26,543 All right. See you. 1445 01:15:26,622 --> 01:15:27,452 Next. 1446 01:15:28,624 --> 01:15:29,886 One ticket. 1447 01:15:31,026 --> 01:15:32,220 You got l.D.? 1448 01:15:34,029 --> 01:15:36,395 No l.D., no 24 million. 1449 01:15:36,465 --> 01:15:37,989 I must play. This is the week. 1450 01:15:38,066 --> 01:15:39,226 The horse told me so. 1451 01:15:39,301 --> 01:15:40,461 [ Whinnies ] 1452 01:15:40,536 --> 01:15:43,994 You listen to me, scumbucket. These are the winning numbers. 1453 01:15:44,072 --> 01:15:45,004 They're going to win. 1454 01:15:45,073 --> 01:15:47,337 And you're going to sell me a ticket right now! 1455 01:15:48,477 --> 01:15:52,106 No l.D., no ticket. 1456 01:15:53,749 --> 01:15:56,309 [ Screams ] 1457 01:15:56,385 --> 01:15:57,875 Next. 1458 01:15:58,720 --> 01:16:00,813 Hi, Ernie. 1459 01:16:02,324 --> 01:16:03,518 Why ain't she in school? 1460 01:16:03,592 --> 01:16:06,152 She tried to buy a lottery ticket at the liquor store. 1461 01:16:06,228 --> 01:16:08,093 That didn't work, so she came to me. 1462 01:16:08,163 --> 01:16:11,098 -Asked me to do it for her. -Did you buy her the ticket? 1463 01:16:11,166 --> 01:16:13,498 Considering how she looked, I thought it'd be better 1464 01:16:13,569 --> 01:16:15,400 if I brought her home to you first. 1465 01:16:15,470 --> 01:16:16,994 See what you wanted me to do. 1466 01:16:17,072 --> 01:16:18,505 Thank you for that. 1467 01:16:19,074 --> 01:16:20,507 Call me if you need me, Millie. 1468 01:16:20,576 --> 01:16:23,067 I'll call you if I need you, Ernie. 1469 01:16:26,915 --> 01:16:28,348 Maine! 1470 01:16:28,417 --> 01:16:30,146 You said I had to know the day! 1471 01:16:30,218 --> 01:16:32,152 Today the horse's spirit entered me! 1472 01:16:32,220 --> 01:16:36,156 And today was the day I was supposed to win $24 million! 1473 01:16:36,224 --> 01:16:37,691 Honey, that is crazy. 1474 01:16:37,759 --> 01:16:39,556 I'm not crazy! 1475 01:16:39,628 --> 01:16:41,823 Why don't you believe me? 1476 01:16:41,897 --> 01:16:43,125 Honey, okay. 1477 01:16:43,198 --> 01:16:44,392 Okay. Okay, baby. 1478 01:16:44,466 --> 01:16:45,398 Come on. Sit down. 1479 01:16:45,467 --> 01:16:46,957 Why don't you believe me? 1480 01:16:47,035 --> 01:16:48,024 Sit down! 1481 01:16:48,103 --> 01:16:49,968 Now, listen to me. 1482 01:16:50,038 --> 01:16:53,132 It's not about me believing you. It isn't. 1483 01:16:53,208 --> 01:16:56,700 It's about where you put your dreams, honey. 1484 01:16:56,778 --> 01:16:58,939 Now, I'm not asking you to be a normal child. 1485 01:16:59,014 --> 01:17:01,141 'Cause that's not the Mirabeau way. 1486 01:17:01,216 --> 01:17:03,116 I'm just asking that you be a little smarter 1487 01:17:03,185 --> 01:17:05,881 about your crazy side, okay? 1488 01:17:05,954 --> 01:17:07,319 Okay? 1489 01:17:07,389 --> 01:17:09,323 -Yeah? -Yeah. 1490 01:17:09,391 --> 01:17:10,585 Okay. 1491 01:17:10,659 --> 01:17:13,127 That's my baby. 1492 01:17:13,195 --> 01:17:14,992 Good girl. 1493 01:17:15,964 --> 01:17:16,658 Hi. 1494 01:17:16,732 --> 01:17:19,599 Do you have a book on hold for Mirabeau? 1495 01:17:35,350 --> 01:17:37,113 You know, he's here right now. 1496 01:17:37,185 --> 01:17:39,517 The author. He's giving a reading. 1497 01:17:44,326 --> 01:17:46,817 I'm going to the market, girls. 1498 01:17:47,529 --> 01:17:50,555 You take care of my little baby. My little sweetheart. 1499 01:17:54,903 --> 01:17:55,892 Maine. 1500 01:17:56,605 --> 01:18:00,632 No more trips to liquor stores dressed up like a harlot. 1501 01:18:00,709 --> 01:18:01,733 You understand me? 1502 01:18:01,810 --> 01:18:03,971 I'll keep an eye on her. 1503 01:18:04,880 --> 01:18:06,472 Okay. 1504 01:18:22,964 --> 01:18:28,368 "Carolina stood up naked out of the tub and asked for a towel. 1505 01:18:28,437 --> 01:18:30,302 Looking at the floor, he held one open. 1506 01:18:30,372 --> 01:18:31,896 As she moved into it, 1507 01:18:31,973 --> 01:18:36,433 her forehead came to rest on his right shoulder. 1508 01:18:36,511 --> 01:18:42,108 Water from her hair stained his shirt and chilled his skin. 1509 01:18:42,184 --> 01:18:46,052 Her face was now so close to his that she looked distorted. 1510 01:18:46,121 --> 01:18:47,748 And it came as a terrible surprise 1511 01:18:47,823 --> 01:18:51,623 that he loved her even more at this proximity." 1512 01:18:51,693 --> 01:18:53,718 [ Cellphone rings ] 1513 01:18:53,795 --> 01:18:55,763 "He realized, however, that to her, 1514 01:18:55,831 --> 01:18:57,992 he would never be more than a close friend." 1515 01:18:58,066 --> 01:18:59,863 Hello? 1516 01:18:59,935 --> 01:19:01,425 Maine. No, not now. 1517 01:19:01,503 --> 01:19:03,164 I'm busy. 1518 01:19:05,574 --> 01:19:06,598 Mai-- 1519 01:19:06,675 --> 01:19:09,109 Maine, stop crying, honey. 1520 01:19:16,251 --> 01:19:18,378 Let me talk to the police. 1521 01:19:31,633 --> 01:19:32,395 Excuse me. 1522 01:19:32,467 --> 01:19:35,994 Um, I'm Carolina Mirabeau. 1523 01:19:36,071 --> 01:19:37,129 I was brought here... 1524 01:19:37,205 --> 01:19:41,164 I was told that my grandmother died in a car accident. 1525 01:19:46,248 --> 01:19:47,738 Mirabeau. 1526 01:20:28,456 --> 01:20:30,720 Have a nice day. 1527 01:20:30,792 --> 01:20:32,225 -Next. -Hi. 1528 01:20:32,294 --> 01:20:34,922 I'm here to pick up my grandmother's things. 1529 01:20:34,996 --> 01:20:37,556 It's the red Chevelle. 1530 01:20:38,133 --> 01:20:39,532 Millicent Mirabeau was her name. 1531 01:20:39,601 --> 01:20:41,193 Here's my l.D. 1532 01:20:42,704 --> 01:20:44,934 That'll be $128. 1533 01:20:45,841 --> 01:20:47,900 -What? -$128. 1534 01:20:47,976 --> 01:20:50,444 Tow, tax, storage, release. 1535 01:20:51,346 --> 01:20:52,813 Fine. Okay. 1536 01:20:52,881 --> 01:20:54,678 Here. 1537 01:20:54,749 --> 01:20:57,980 Don't take credit. Don't take checks. 1538 01:20:58,053 --> 01:20:59,782 Cash only. 1539 01:21:00,789 --> 01:21:02,757 All right. I'll bring cash tomorrow. 1540 01:21:02,824 --> 01:21:04,758 Just give me her things, please. 1541 01:21:04,826 --> 01:21:06,794 Well, I can't do that. 1542 01:21:08,730 --> 01:21:11,255 All I want is her stuff. 1543 01:21:11,333 --> 01:21:12,595 She was killed yesterday. 1544 01:21:12,667 --> 01:21:14,157 Doesn't that mean anything to you? 1545 01:21:14,236 --> 01:21:15,828 I'm sorry for your loss, ma'am. 1546 01:21:15,904 --> 01:21:19,135 But, uh, I'm running a business here. 1547 01:21:19,207 --> 01:21:21,368 Sir, this is not about your business! 1548 01:21:21,443 --> 01:21:23,001 This is about someone's life, okay? 1549 01:21:23,078 --> 01:21:24,807 -Give me that! -Whoa. 1550 01:21:24,880 --> 01:21:26,438 You bastard. 1551 01:21:26,514 --> 01:21:28,573 This is not... How dare you! 1552 01:21:28,650 --> 01:21:31,016 Those are my grandmother's things! 1553 01:21:31,086 --> 01:21:34,112 Give that to me! Jesus! 1554 01:21:34,189 --> 01:21:35,816 Those are my grandmother's things! 1555 01:21:35,891 --> 01:21:38,826 Those are not yours! Those are mine! 1556 01:21:51,072 --> 01:21:55,031 I never got to say goodbye. 1557 01:21:59,447 --> 01:22:01,108 Thank you. 1558 01:22:25,006 --> 01:22:27,497 Your daddy wasn't always a drunk, you know. 1559 01:22:27,575 --> 01:22:30,100 He took good care of you girls. 1560 01:22:30,679 --> 01:22:33,011 Right up until the time that your mama passed. 1561 01:22:33,081 --> 01:22:35,675 Yeah. I know all that, Aunt Marilyn. 1562 01:22:36,084 --> 01:22:38,678 She died, and then he started drinking. 1563 01:22:38,753 --> 01:22:40,084 Yeah. 1564 01:22:40,155 --> 01:22:44,387 But, baby, it's the part before that 1565 01:22:44,459 --> 01:22:47,019 that nobody ever told you about. 1566 01:22:48,396 --> 01:22:50,523 Mainly because... 1567 01:22:50,598 --> 01:22:51,690 Well, Grandma told me 1568 01:22:51,766 --> 01:22:57,329 that she'd toss me into a vat of chicken manure if I did. 1569 01:23:01,543 --> 01:23:03,807 Your grandma saved your life. 1570 01:23:03,878 --> 01:23:05,038 What? 1571 01:23:05,714 --> 01:23:10,674 Well, you see, your mama had rich parents. 1572 01:23:11,252 --> 01:23:15,188 So when they learned that your mama got knocked up, 1573 01:23:15,256 --> 01:23:17,724 they took her straight to the abortion clinic. 1574 01:23:19,127 --> 01:23:22,119 See, your grandma had a different view. 1575 01:23:28,136 --> 01:23:30,570 She marched right into that place 1576 01:23:30,638 --> 01:23:34,233 Iike a fiery-winged banshee from hell. 1577 01:23:34,776 --> 01:23:36,573 Now, that's my boy's baby in there. 1578 01:23:36,644 --> 01:23:38,043 And it's gonna get born 1579 01:23:38,113 --> 01:23:40,445 if I have to shoot every last one of y'all. 1580 01:23:40,515 --> 01:23:42,540 Outside, missy. 1581 01:23:43,351 --> 01:23:44,682 Out. 1582 01:24:02,537 --> 01:24:06,268 Sure as shit's quiet around here without her, ain't it? 1583 01:24:43,178 --> 01:24:46,636 -[ Crying ] -It's okay, Cal. 1584 01:24:46,915 --> 01:24:49,475 -It's okay. -See? 1585 01:24:49,551 --> 01:24:51,951 MAN: And now, the winning lottery numbers. 1586 01:24:53,254 --> 01:24:54,448 4. 1587 01:24:55,023 --> 01:24:56,650 27. 1588 01:24:56,724 --> 01:24:57,691 MAN: 27. 1589 01:24:57,759 --> 01:24:59,021 7. 1590 01:24:59,094 --> 01:25:00,561 MAN: 7. 1591 01:25:00,628 --> 01:25:02,357 16. 1592 01:25:02,430 --> 01:25:03,829 MAN: 16. 1593 01:25:03,898 --> 01:25:04,990 9. 1594 01:25:05,066 --> 01:25:05,794 MAN: 9. 1595 01:25:05,867 --> 01:25:07,266 26. 1596 01:25:08,736 --> 01:25:09,794 MAN: And 26. 1597 01:25:09,871 --> 01:25:11,896 Good luck, everyone. It's a big one. 1598 01:25:11,973 --> 01:25:13,770 WOMAN: Hey, hey, hey, California. 1599 01:25:13,842 --> 01:25:16,037 Wow. Tonight's jackpot is huge. 1600 01:25:16,111 --> 01:25:19,638 I hope you got your lucky picks here, 'cause here we go. 1601 01:25:19,714 --> 01:25:21,545 Those were my numbers. 1602 01:25:50,778 --> 01:25:53,906 "Dear Grandma Mirabeau, it's time to come clean. 1603 01:25:53,982 --> 01:25:55,677 I'm Daphne St. Claire." 1604 01:25:55,750 --> 01:25:57,342 ALBERT: "Yep. Me. 1605 01:25:57,418 --> 01:26:01,184 I didn't tell you because your comments were so refreshing. 1606 01:26:01,256 --> 01:26:03,121 I hope you like this book. 1607 01:26:03,191 --> 01:26:04,818 There's a lot of talking. 1608 01:26:04,893 --> 01:26:08,021 But there's a lot of loving in it, too. 1609 01:26:08,096 --> 01:26:09,859 Take care of her for me. 1610 01:26:09,931 --> 01:26:11,296 Albert." 1611 01:26:37,158 --> 01:26:39,217 I have something for you. 1612 01:26:40,161 --> 01:26:41,651 What is it? 1613 01:26:41,729 --> 01:26:43,492 Open it and find out. 1614 01:26:48,236 --> 01:26:50,602 Are those lottery tickets? 1615 01:26:50,672 --> 01:26:53,232 They were in Grandma's car. 1616 01:26:53,308 --> 01:26:55,469 In the glove compartment. 1617 01:26:55,543 --> 01:26:58,205 She was playing my numbers? 1618 01:26:58,279 --> 01:26:59,837 Yep. 1619 01:26:59,914 --> 01:27:01,643 Every day. 1620 01:27:01,716 --> 01:27:05,584 Well, did Grandma play them the day of the accident? 1621 01:27:05,653 --> 01:27:07,814 The day that Maine's numbers won? 1622 01:27:12,827 --> 01:27:14,192 No. 1623 01:27:15,697 --> 01:27:17,096 That means it was my fault. 1624 01:27:17,165 --> 01:27:20,328 She was driving to the store to play my numbers. 1625 01:27:20,401 --> 01:27:22,733 It was not your fault, Maine. 1626 01:27:22,804 --> 01:27:25,967 It was the drunk driver who ran a red light's fault. 1627 01:27:26,908 --> 01:27:27,875 She believed in you. 1628 01:27:27,942 --> 01:27:30,069 That's why she played your numbers. 1629 01:27:33,982 --> 01:27:36,576 Are you sad you didn't win the money? 1630 01:27:37,318 --> 01:27:38,842 No. 1631 01:27:39,754 --> 01:27:42,154 It probably would've ruined my life. 1632 01:27:42,223 --> 01:27:44,282 Money does that, you know? 1633 01:27:44,359 --> 01:27:47,624 What's important is that I was right. 1634 01:27:47,695 --> 01:27:49,185 And I'm not going crazy, 1635 01:27:49,264 --> 01:27:51,027 because I was right about my numbers. 1636 01:27:51,099 --> 01:27:52,498 I was right. 1637 01:28:13,388 --> 01:28:16,357 Hello. This is Albert. I'm out of town on a book tour. 1638 01:28:16,424 --> 01:28:19,018 -Please leave a message. -[ Beep ] 1639 01:28:19,093 --> 01:28:20,560 Albert. 1640 01:28:29,370 --> 01:28:31,338 Grandma died. 1641 01:28:48,456 --> 01:28:49,718 Thank you for coming. 1642 01:28:49,791 --> 01:28:51,349 Of course. 1643 01:28:52,427 --> 01:28:53,758 I just wish I'd known earlier. 1644 01:28:53,828 --> 01:28:56,058 I'm so sorry I missed the funeral. 1645 01:28:56,597 --> 01:28:57,894 Maine cussed out the minister 1646 01:28:57,965 --> 01:29:00,263 for calling her Millie instead of Grandma. 1647 01:29:03,571 --> 01:29:05,630 I got the letter you sent to her. 1648 01:29:06,207 --> 01:29:07,640 -Albert -- -Carolina -- 1649 01:29:07,709 --> 01:29:09,574 Wait. Wait. Let me finish. 1650 01:29:10,812 --> 01:29:14,839 I know I had this image in my head of the perfect guy. 1651 01:29:14,916 --> 01:29:18,545 But it was just an image. It wasn't a face. 1652 01:29:18,619 --> 01:29:20,484 You are the face. 1653 01:29:24,826 --> 01:29:26,794 Your usual. 1654 01:29:29,097 --> 01:29:31,463 Mnh-mnh. No. I'm sorry, but no. 1655 01:29:47,315 --> 01:29:50,773 Save. Save. Save. 1656 01:30:13,007 --> 01:30:14,304 Where's your hookers? 1657 01:30:14,375 --> 01:30:17,208 Oh, they're gonna be here soon, honey. 1658 01:30:17,278 --> 01:30:18,575 Why? 1659 01:30:19,847 --> 01:30:21,940 I just read "Lady Chatterley's Lover." 1660 01:30:22,016 --> 01:30:23,950 I think I have some questions. 1661 01:30:24,018 --> 01:30:26,248 Oh. You do, do you? 1662 01:30:31,426 --> 01:30:33,894 I think he wants his daddy. 1663 01:30:33,961 --> 01:30:35,952 -How you doing? -[ Crying ] 1664 01:30:36,030 --> 01:30:37,463 Chang moved in last week. 1665 01:30:37,532 --> 01:30:38,658 Oh, welcome! 1666 01:30:38,733 --> 01:30:41,463 [ Barking ] 1667 01:30:41,536 --> 01:30:43,629 [ Laughter ] 1668 01:30:43,704 --> 01:30:46,639 Oh, what a lovely little fur person! 1669 01:30:48,342 --> 01:30:49,274 -Hey! -Oh! 1670 01:30:49,343 --> 01:30:52,676 Hey, Cal! [ Chuckles ] 1671 01:30:53,414 --> 01:30:55,041 Hello, booby. 1672 01:30:55,116 --> 01:30:56,276 Hey. 1673 01:30:56,350 --> 01:30:59,842 Hey. You know who's playing? Huh? 1674 01:31:01,022 --> 01:31:03,923 You know, I quit my job at "The Perfect Date." 1675 01:31:05,159 --> 01:31:06,251 Really? 1676 01:31:07,728 --> 01:31:10,663 Do you have something else? 1677 01:31:11,232 --> 01:31:13,063 Yeah. I'm working on a new cable show. 1678 01:31:13,134 --> 01:31:15,534 Making documentaries. Doing research and stuff. 1679 01:31:15,603 --> 01:31:16,934 Oh, wow! 1680 01:31:17,004 --> 01:31:20,496 Oh, that's great. Congratulations, Carolina. 1681 01:31:20,575 --> 01:31:22,736 Yeah. I like it. I like it a lot. 1682 01:31:28,749 --> 01:31:30,410 What are you doing here? 1683 01:31:30,485 --> 01:31:33,511 Your grandma always asked me here, and... 1684 01:31:33,588 --> 01:31:36,352 Well, a little late, but, um, but here I am. 1685 01:31:37,191 --> 01:31:38,556 Okay. 1686 01:31:47,034 --> 01:31:48,126 Okay. 1687 01:31:48,202 --> 01:31:49,897 I think we're ready. 1688 01:31:50,538 --> 01:31:52,972 -Who will carve the turkey? -I will. 1689 01:31:53,040 --> 01:31:54,507 Well, who's gonna say grace? 1690 01:31:54,575 --> 01:31:56,304 Bow your heads. 1691 01:31:56,878 --> 01:31:59,210 As Grandma would say... 1692 01:32:00,481 --> 01:32:02,540 Lord, bless this family. 1693 01:32:02,617 --> 01:32:05,711 Fill their bellies and keep them safe and warm. 1694 01:32:06,320 --> 01:32:08,914 Thank you for giving Georgia and Chang a perfect baby. 1695 01:32:08,990 --> 01:32:11,390 -Crooked eyes and all. -[ Cries ] 1696 01:32:11,459 --> 01:32:14,826 Thank you for not making Maine too normal. 1697 01:32:17,732 --> 01:32:20,166 Thank you for taking care of Grandma. 1698 01:32:21,569 --> 01:32:25,369 She can make your life hell, but nobody loved us better. 1699 01:32:26,574 --> 01:32:27,563 And now, Lord... 1700 01:32:27,642 --> 01:32:28,802 Let's get personal. 1701 01:32:38,586 --> 01:32:42,181 I've eaten Thanksgiving dinner in the backyard of this house 1702 01:32:42,256 --> 01:32:44,781 for the last three years. 1703 01:32:44,859 --> 01:32:47,760 And I plan on doing it for the next 50. 1704 01:33:04,879 --> 01:33:07,939 [ Laughter and applause ] 1705 01:33:57,231 --> 01:34:02,032 ♪ You make my words into a song ♪ 1706 01:34:02,103 --> 01:34:06,733 ♪ You make my daylight out of dawn ♪ 1707 01:34:06,807 --> 01:34:09,275 ♪ You're like the choir singing ♪ 1708 01:34:09,343 --> 01:34:11,709 ♪ Oh, let it be ♪ 1709 01:34:11,779 --> 01:34:15,613 ♪ You are the best part of me ♪ 1710 01:34:16,450 --> 01:34:20,216 ♪ You're where I end and where I start ♪ 1711 01:34:20,921 --> 01:34:26,120 ♪ You are the postmark on my heart ♪ 1712 01:34:26,193 --> 01:34:30,892 ♪ You're all the rivers flowing into the sea ♪ 1713 01:34:30,965 --> 01:34:35,061 ♪ You are the best part of me ♪ 1714 01:34:35,136 --> 01:34:37,502 ♪ When all your dreams ♪ 1715 01:34:37,571 --> 01:34:40,369 ♪ And all of your wishes ♪ 1716 01:34:40,441 --> 01:34:44,810 ♪ Finally turn out right ♪ 1717 01:34:45,346 --> 01:34:50,010 ♪ The in-betweens and all the near-misses ♪ 1718 01:34:50,084 --> 01:34:54,544 ♪ Slowly fade from sight ♪ 1719 01:34:54,955 --> 01:34:58,789 ♪ You are the puzzle piece I missed ♪ 1720 01:34:59,360 --> 01:35:04,491 ♪ You are the plot without a twist ♪ 1721 01:35:04,565 --> 01:35:09,298 ♪ All this and more of what I thought it would be ♪ 1722 01:35:09,370 --> 01:35:13,830 ♪ You are the best part of me ♪ 1723 01:35:13,908 --> 01:35:18,572 ♪ All of my life never seemed empty ♪ 1724 01:35:18,646 --> 01:35:22,878 ♪ Until you came into view ♪ 1725 01:35:23,784 --> 01:35:28,414 ♪ That's when I found how loneliness left me ♪ 1726 01:35:28,489 --> 01:35:32,892 ♪ Now everything's brand-new ♪ 1727 01:35:33,360 --> 01:35:37,126 ♪ Yours is the hand inside of mine ♪ 1728 01:35:37,665 --> 01:35:42,864 ♪ Yours is the love I swore I'd find ♪ 1729 01:35:42,937 --> 01:35:47,397 ♪ You answered softly my unspoken plea ♪ 1730 01:35:47,475 --> 01:35:55,075 ♪ You are the very best part of me ♪ 1731 01:35:55,149 --> 01:35:57,413 ♪ You are the best part of me ♪ 1732 01:35:57,485 --> 01:36:01,945 ♪ You are the best part of me ♪ 1733 01:36:02,022 --> 01:36:06,550 ♪ You are the best part of me ♪ 1734 01:36:06,627 --> 01:36:13,863 ♪ You are the very best part of me ♪ 1735 01:36:14,235 --> 01:36:16,567 ♪ You are the best part of me ♪ 1736 01:36:16,637 --> 01:36:18,832 ♪ The very best part of me ♪ 1737 01:36:18,906 --> 01:36:21,466 ♪ You are the best part of me ♪ 1738 01:36:21,542 --> 01:36:23,669 ♪ The very best part of me ♪ 1739 01:36:23,744 --> 01:36:26,144 ♪ You are the best part of me ♪ 1740 01:36:26,213 --> 01:36:31,310 ♪ You are the very best part of me ♪ 1741 01:36:33,120 --> 01:36:35,554 ♪ You are the best part of me ♪ 1742 01:36:35,623 --> 01:36:38,353 ♪ You are the best part of me ♪ 1743 01:36:38,425 --> 01:36:40,893 ♪ You are the best part of me ♪ 1744 01:36:40,961 --> 01:36:42,929 ♪ The very best part of me ♪ 1745 01:36:42,997 --> 01:36:45,329 ♪ You are the best part of me ♪ 1746 01:36:45,399 --> 01:36:50,063 ♪ You are the very best part of me ♪ 121792