All language subtitles for The Simpsons s33e07 A Serious Flanders 2.eng

("The Simpsons Theme"
plays briefly)

(menu selection sound popping)

(indistinct chatter)
This just in...

Chief, I think
that madman who shot up

the Lard Lad
knows where Homer is.

Look, he dropped this
on his way out.

Have you been crying?

It's just so horrible.

Mr. Burns? The Disco Guy?

Fat Tony?

Look what they did
to my beautiful goombah.

(crying)

I can't ever eat a donut again.

Chief, pull yourself together.

My husband is still missing.

And I hate to say it,
but I think Ned Flanders

has something to do with this.

Open your eyes, Marge.

If Homer's mixed up in this,

he's probably a cruller by now.

Satan himself has come
to this town,

and I'm not man enough
to take him on.

If you see Lou,
tell him Eddie's chief now.

(gasps)

The killer's driving
the Rich Texan's car.

Hmm...

(typing on keyboard)

BROCKMAN (over TV):
Police describe the mysterious assailant

as a grim metaphor
for a universe without justice.

That's the maydiddlyaniac
who's got Homer.

How am I gonna come up
with that ransom?

I can't do a GoFundMe
for a kidnapping.

There's too many
of those already.

Oh, Granddad, I donated
that money to the orphans

in honor of your decency, but...

now I need it back.

How'd all that cash
get in that tree anyway?

I want my haircut to look

just as square
as yours, Paw Paw.

(jangles)

Careful there, barber.

I wouldn't want you
to nick the neck

of the town's favorite sheriff.

(all laugh)

The Szyslak brothers.

Hey, hey, we don't want
no trouble, fellas.

Someone call the zoo,

the ape house is missing
its ugliest baboons.

You got no call
pointing out our ugliness.

That's why it's time
you got what's coming to you.

Cy, take the boy outside.

(lock clicks)

You got something for me?
Let me have it.

Ah, my favorite time of day,

bribe o'clock.

Ooh, and thicker than usual.

That's what I came to tell you.

We made a deal
with the Capital City Mob.

We're slinging amphetamines now.

That's right, "Brain fizz."

"Trucker's milk."

"Texas Teeth looseners."

Long as I get my cut,

I don't care if you sell rat
crap and call them Milk Duds.

Now, Slocum, I've got
a sterling reputation to uphold.

You mind if I punch
one of your brothers

through this plate glass window?

Nah, take your pick.

(screams, grunts)

Paw Paw, you're the finest man
I'll ever know.

Yes, I am, Neddy.

♪ They call me
Good Time Charlie ♪

♪ Playboy with
a whole lot of soul ♪

♪ I said, they call me
Good Time Charlie ♪

♪ Playboy with
a whole lot of soul ♪

♪ I'm the last
of the bigtime spenders ♪

♪ I keep a pocket full of gold ♪

♪ Whoa! Put on your
red dress, baby. ♪

Enough sucking
on that toad, Sheriff.

Hmm?
Time to earn your keep.

Gentlemen, your primo crank
is selling like meth on speed.

Just give it to our numbers guy.

One hundred seventythree
thousand, two hundred and...

(sniffs)
...ninetysix dollars.

Yeah, that's even more money
back now in the early '70s.

Which made me wonder,
why should we share?

(snaps fingers)
(weapons click)

Uh... uh...

(snaps fingers)

(weapons clicking)

Oh, God, all right, fellas,
why don't we all relax

and put down our crazy
assortment of weapons?

I'm talking to you,
Mr. Dynamite Nunchucks.

The tiniest little thing

could turn this standoff
into a bloodbath.

Oh, shoot.

(gunfire)

(explosion)

(whimpering)

Dear Lord, you know me,
I'm a good time Charlie,

but if you see fit
to save my hide,

I promise to become the kind of
man my grandson can be proud of.

(gunfire ceases)
Hmm?

(angelic music plays)

My whole family, they're dead.

I don't got to share this
with no one.

(gunshot)
(body thuds)

Sorry, God, but hey,

you can only send me
to Hell once.

(sirens wailing)
Hmm? Hmm.

(grunting)

Fellas, Sheriff Flanders here.

(gasps)

The money, where is it?

Okay, hey, okay.
(laughs nervously)

Easy, friend.

It's all yours, I promise.

Just don't (grunts)

(stammering)

(grunts) Ah...

Oh, come on.

So frustrating.

Well, there goes my life.

(sirens wailing)

(tires screeching)

Oh, Paw Paw,

I've lived my whole life trying
to be as fine a man as you,

but Homer Simpson's gonna die
unless I do the unthinkable:

steal back the money
I gave to these orphans.

We love you, Mr. Flanders!
(sighs)

("Sabor A Mi"
by Los Panchos playing)

Oh, Colette.

There appears to be
a trail of rose petals

leading to the master bath.

I wonder who
could've left them there?

(speaking French)

Oh, come now.
You're still cross?

For the last time,
we can't just turn down jobs

because it's our anniversary.

Wait, you international
psychos are married?

That's none of your concern,
you shorn sheep.

Huh?

Tell him, how many year?

How many year?

Ten years of wedded bliss.

Each year sweeter than the last.

(speaking French)

Not one vacation.

We don't get to take vacations
if we don't take jobs.

It's called math, darling.

Hm, wow, if I said something
that sexist,

my wife would be furious.

You see?
Even the dead man knows.

Look, the best marriage advice
I ever got was,

"If you're thinking it,
just say it."

Really? Then I should
tell her that every day

she becomes more and more
like her mother. (grunts)

My mother was twice the assassin
you will ever be.

What did Dr. Pam say
about acting on anger?

You tell her, Irish guy.

Go for the eyes, Frenchie.

Whoever wins
was right all along.

(grunts)
(glass shatters)

(grunts) Hey!
(grunts) Oh!

(whimpers)

Uh, guys? There's a little fire
situation in the kitchen here.

Okay, you're communicating
honestly, which is great.

What say we focus on
achievable goals as a couple,

like putting out this fire?

Phew.

D'oh!

Ah!
Never go to bed angry?

Cuddling doesn't always
lead to sex?

You're not just married killers,
you're homicidal best friends.

Happy anniversary?

(sighs, speaks French)

Ah, you're a corker,
my violent femme.

(both moaning)
♪ ♪

Aw, I knew you crazy kids
could make it work.

Now, we should probably
get out of here before the

You guys okay?

(grunts)

(groans) The key to this safe
has to be here somewhere.

(gasps)

What in the blue heck
are you doing here?

Last I saw, you were judging

my Godgiven right
to an open marriage.

Uh, Barb, I'm in
serious trouble. (chuckles)

The thing is, uh...

Fish or get off the hole,
Mr. Flanders.

I haven't been able
to get that spiffy bod of yours

out of my dangdiddly mind.

Jumpin' jiminy.

(both moaning)

FLANDERS:
You can do this, Neddy.

Just think about Homer Simpson.

Oh, Homie.
I thought I'd lost you.

(kisses)

Oh, Marge, I'm so sorry.

I'll never be selfish again.

Whew! Wasn't that a brisk walk
around Lake Howdoyado?

I'm gonna get a Faygo
from the mini fridge.

Do you want one?

Uh, grape, if they have it.

(gasps) That gosh darn thief.

Uffda!

I got away with it.

I got away with...
(glass shatters)

(screams)

(tires screeching)

I'm sorry, God.

II just want Homer Simpson
to be okay.

Oh, there he is.
(cars crash)

Ned. Buddy.
Let's get you out of there.

(Fargo style drums playing)

Ow! (grunting)

Oh, I saved you.

You're finally mine.

(kissing)

I'm married to the most
selfish man in the world.

BARB:
Everybody, all around,

look at this man.
(yelps)

He saved the orphans' money
and the flag.

Look at the burns
on his saintly arm.

Oh, this husky gent
is an American hero.

(crowd cheering)

Not like that snake,
Ned Flanders.

Why, he stole this money
after trying to seduce me

out of my happilyclosed
marriage to Sideshow Mel.

(crowd gasps)
Oh, uh...

That monster!

Where is he, so that
I might thrash him?

He's right over... (gasps)

(panting)

(cell phone rings)

COSTAS (over phone):
Hello, church chum.

I, um...
I don't have your money.

And I don't have your man.

Funny how things work out.

I committed every sin
in the book to get that money

except sloth, I guess
and now it's gone.

Money can be lost, Mr. Flanders,

but a debt never goes away.

I am coming to collect.

When you least expect it,
expect it.

You mean now?
No, not now.

Well, you saying not now
makes me expect it more.

Look, this is the one time
you shouldn't expect it,

but every other time,
do expect it.

NARRATOR:
Three years ago, Homer Simpson risked his life

to save an orphanage's future.

And now, I'm here
to save your car's future.

Oil changes, alignment,

and brake pads,
brake pads, brake pads.

All at Heroic Lube and Tire.

Where Route 4 meets
Disco Stu Memorial Drive.

Just look for the inflatable me.

Mr. Simpson, may I just say

it is an honor to get
my washer fluid from you.

Yo, can I get a selfie
with that gnarly arm?

What's it like to be married

to the most beloved man
in Springfield?

Every day's
better than the last.

Now come back soon

'cause you'll always get
a hero's welcome.

(laughter)

OTTO:
I get it.

"Hero." The word makes me
sick to my stomach.

I'll never forget
seeing you choose the money

instead of saving Ned. Never.

I wish I could explain,
but I can't.

I would've left this
godforsaken marriage

years ago if it
wasn't for the kids

My special little guy!
There he is.

Check it out.

I got my
Online Citizenship badge

for being so polite
on social media.

You're going to be the youngest
Eagle Scout in town.

Well, I am half hero.

I got 100 RSVPs
to my birthday party.

(laughs)

They probably just want
to come to meet you.

Got some mail, Dad.

Why'd you get a blank postcard
from Wyoming?

Hm, that's weird.

Probably just junk.

("Las Vegas Tango"
by Gary Burton playing)

(groans)

(gun cocks)

Don't shoot, you little weirdos.

Daddy, it's Mr. Simpson.

Hiddlyho, neighborino.

So, how are things
in good old Springfield?

Uh... it's okay.

Jailbird got super religious.

(crying):
And Marge hates me.

Our marriage is deader
than Disco Stu.

All because I tried
to save that money's life

and not yours.

That money made sinners
of us all.

Can I tell you something, Homer?

I wanted people
to know I donated it.

I wanted the attention.

I brought all of this upon us.

We both suck.

(crying)

Equally.

(glass shatters)

Oh, no. He's tracked you here.

No way. I took
all the precautions,

even the mariachi Ferris wheel.

(banging on door)

(screams)
What is it, Homer?

A mistress?
A secret family?

You'd better not be
a sports podcaster.

(gasps) Ned?

Don't be too sore
at this fella, Marge.

Homer's been
our lifeline up here:

food, shelter,
books he thinks I'd like.

They certainly were
a motley crew.

This is the most selfless thing
you've ever done,

and you didn't even tell anyone.

I couldn't say anything,
or Ned would be in danger.

There's this crazy psycho
who wants to kill him, and

Hey, you weren't
followed here, were you?

(gunshots)

(all scream)

Great, more walking.

Homie, if we don't make it,

I need you to know
that you are a decent man,

and I love you.

No. I won't put you two
in any more danger.

I'm the one he wants.

Okay. Bye.
Phew. Good luck.

(dramatic music playing)

It's been a long time,
Mr. Flanders.

Now, will you
be paying your debt

in money or blood?

(panting)

Blood it is.

Ah, balance.

Balance? Is that what
this bloodsoaked rigmarole

has been all about? Why?

You ever hear the parable
of Lucifer and the millipede?

One day, a tiny...

The end.

Oh, just kill me already.

I deserve it for stealing,

seducing, fibbing.

I tarnished the good name
of my Paw Paw,

Sherriff Ned Flanders.

(laughs)

Your grandfather was dirtier
than a hobo's handkerchief.

Why, he even killed a man
in cold blood for that money.

No!

He was nothing
but a good time Charlie.

I'll kill you!

(gasps)

(groans)

(ice cracking)

(water continues splashing)

(dramatic music playing)

♪ ♪

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