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Previously on Young Sheldon...
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What's going on?
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Are you Connie Tucker?
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A secret casino room?
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The cops shut me down.
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- Well, let's get this going again.
- I'm listening.
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I was thinking about Chuck E. Cheese.
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Grown-up people don't-don't
gamble to win a teddy bear.
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I'm trying to help you.
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00:00:20,500 --> 00:00:22,900
You think that grown-ups
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are gonna gamble for
some stuffed animals?
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00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:27,236
Yeah, that you're buying back from them.
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00:00:27,250 --> 00:00:29,870
It seems I owe you an apology.
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Come on in.
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ADULT SHELDON: When
children reach adolescence,
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00:00:36,210 --> 00:00:38,664
- a cascade of hormones are released...
- _
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... causing mood swings,
impulsive behavior
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00:00:41,790 --> 00:00:44,090
and an unbelievable
amount of eye rolling.
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- [George Sr. cheering] I knew it.
- During this time of change,
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00:00:46,160 --> 00:00:47,680
members of the opposite sex
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who caught my sister's fancy included:
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00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:51,217
New Kids on the Block,
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00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:53,512
Rufio from the movie Hook,
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00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:56,557
and, oddly enough, our
new Sunday school teacher,
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00:00:56,558 --> 00:00:58,058
Pastor Rob.
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00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:00,686
Was Mary Magdalene Jesus's girlfriend?
27
00:01:00,687 --> 00:01:03,200
No, just one of his followers.
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00:01:03,210 --> 00:01:04,990
Yeah, Jesus didn't have a girlfriend.
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Do you have a girlfriend?
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00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:09,778
No. No, I don't.
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I don't have a girlfriend either.
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All right.
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You and me, Billy, couple of bachelors.
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Are you allowed to have a girlfriend?
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In the Baptist church, yes.
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00:01:20,250 --> 00:01:22,919
- Pastor Jeff is married.
- And was married before,
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00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:24,870
so he's had two wives,
but not at the same time,
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- that's not allowed.
- Thank you, Sheldon.
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At least not anymore.
In the Old Testament,
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Abraham had two, Jacob had four,
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and Solomon had 1,000,
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but those were largely
for political alliances.
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Fun fact: only 700 of those were wives.
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The other 300 were concubines.
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I wouldn't count on the Bible
for facts, but that was fun.
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So boyfriends and girlfriends are okay?
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The way I see it, God is love,
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so if we love someone else
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00:01:52,170 --> 00:01:57,530
in a committed relationship,
we're feeling God.
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So, holding hands is okay?
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00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:01,790
- Sure.
- What about kissing?
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00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:03,870
Maybe at some point, when you're older.
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00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:05,910
And what exactly is third base?
54
00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:07,520
I'm thinking it might be a good idea
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if we gave the kids a talk
about the facts of life.
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You mean like, S-E-X?
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Who are you spelling that for?
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G-O-D.
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You really think that's
an appropriate topic
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00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:20,080
for kids their age?
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00:02:20,090 --> 00:02:22,976
Well, they seem to have a
lot of questions about...
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S-E-X.
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Sex, sex, sex. Get over it.
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I just think that's a subject
best left up to the parents.
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Glad you feel that way,
because it was your daughter
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who had the most questions.
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[laughs]
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♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪
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♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪
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♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪
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♪ I am a mighty little man ♪
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♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪
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- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
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Even if... [exhales] Missy had one
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- or two questions...
- It was a lot of questions.
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00:03:01,300 --> 00:03:02,515
Doesn't matter how many questions.
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We can answer them at home.
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00:03:04,230 --> 00:03:05,519
I'm sure you can.
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I just think this is our
chance to get in first
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00:03:08,100 --> 00:03:09,773
before they learn it on TV.
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00:03:09,780 --> 00:03:12,280
That is true. I flipped
past MTV the other night,
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and a song was on called...
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[quietly]: "I Wanna Sex You Up."
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What does that even mean?
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I turned it off before the
young man could clarify.
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00:03:20,420 --> 00:03:22,409
Well, if you ask me, I think
it means he wants to...
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00:03:22,410 --> 00:03:24,490
- No one asked you.
- See?
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Even we have questions.
Why wouldn't the kids?
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I think they deserve honest answers.
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You seem to know a lot about children
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for someone who has none of their own.
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[imitates cat growling]
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GEORGE JR.: So what's my title here?
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Manager? Supervisor?
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Your title is "grandson
who can go home now."
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What are you talking about?
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- We're in this together.
- I'm sorry,
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did you buy these machines?
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No, but it was my idea how to
get them up and running again.
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00:03:51,450 --> 00:03:53,700
And thank you. Now, go home
before I tell your mother
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you want to work in a secret casino.
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Oh, yeah?
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Maybe I should tell her
you own a secret casino.
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00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:01,549
Is that the way you want to play this?
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00:04:01,550 --> 00:04:03,035
Yeah, it is.
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Missy was asking about sex.
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What? You don't think that she's...
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00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:12,220
No.
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00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:15,000
But she's clearly
interested in the topic.
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That's it... she's
grounded till she's 21.
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- George.
- Well, maybe it's good
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this pastor wants to talk about it.
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I sure as hell don't.
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[scoffs] You're unbelievable.
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I had to do it with Georgie,
and it was a disaster.
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Well, here is a chance to do it right.
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I have two words for you: not it.
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Fine.
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You can be my assistant manager.
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Oh, I like the sound of that.
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So, it's a deal?
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Well, hold on, how much
you gonna pay me?
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Did I mention that assistant manager
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comes with a spiffy nametag?
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00:04:46,180 --> 00:04:48,590
Does it also come with
a spiffy paycheck?
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00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:51,790
How much did Dale pay you?
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00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:54,480
Uh, minimum wage plus
five percent commission.
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00:04:54,500 --> 00:04:55,700
I'll give you half of that.
129
00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:57,420
So, two and a half percent commission?
130
00:04:57,430 --> 00:04:59,750
No, half of the minimum wage part.
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What about a percentage of these?
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[laughs]: Yeah, right.
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I'm serious.
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00:05:04,620 --> 00:05:06,710
If it wasn't for me, none
of this would be happening.
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00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:08,209
I'm your grandmother.
If it weren't for me,
136
00:05:08,210 --> 00:05:09,560
you wouldn't be happening.
137
00:05:09,570 --> 00:05:13,187
How about this: no
hourly wage, just a cut.
138
00:05:13,188 --> 00:05:14,939
What kind of cut you thinking?
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00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:16,691
- Five percent.
- Three percent.
140
00:05:16,692 --> 00:05:17,699
- Five.
- Three.
141
00:05:17,700 --> 00:05:19,419
You're supposed to go in
the middle and say four.
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00:05:19,420 --> 00:05:21,113
Why don't you say four?
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00:05:21,900 --> 00:05:23,072
Fine, four.
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00:05:23,073 --> 00:05:24,950
- Two.
- Come on.
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I'll tell you what,
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we're in the gambling business,
why don't we gamble for it?
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Okay.
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Great.
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00:05:31,230 --> 00:05:33,876
The number I'm thinking of in
my head... is it odd or even?
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00:05:33,890 --> 00:05:35,836
How dumb do you think I am?
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00:05:35,850 --> 00:05:38,670
In my defense, you used to be dumber.
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00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:40,690
Why don't you two have a seat.
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In here?
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Did somebody die?
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00:05:43,220 --> 00:05:45,130
No, I just want to talk to you.
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They're getting divorced.
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00:05:46,510 --> 00:05:48,600
At least they waited until
one of us was in college.
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We are not getting a divorce. Just sit.
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00:05:56,100 --> 00:05:59,100
So, you two are both growing up,
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00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:03,580
and I thought that maybe it might
be time to have a talk about...
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00:06:03,590 --> 00:06:08,439
that and some of the things
that go along with... that.
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00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:09,453
[whispers]: What is happening?
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00:06:09,454 --> 00:06:11,830
I think she's trying to have
the human reproduction talk.
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- Oh, God.
- Uh, speaking of God,
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He is very clear about
the do's and the don'ts,
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especially the don'ts.
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00:06:18,250 --> 00:06:19,499
I'm not talking about this with you.
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00:06:19,500 --> 00:06:21,580
I don't think you'll have
any new information for me,
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00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:24,100
but I'm happy to chime
in with biology facts.
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00:06:24,110 --> 00:06:25,250
I don't have any questions.
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I'm good. Can we be done now?
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So, you'll ask Pastor Rob,
but you won't ask me?
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I didn't ask you 'cause
I know what you'll say.
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00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:33,419
You don't know what I'm gonna say.
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"It's a sin." "You're too young."
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"Wait till marriage."
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00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:38,729
Well, it is, you are, and you should.
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00:06:38,730 --> 00:06:40,269
You can't be too young
if you're an aphid,
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some of them are born pregnant.
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I didn't do anything wrong.
I just asked some questions.
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Well, you can ask me.
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I'm not asking you anything, ever.
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It's just her hormones.
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Would you like to learn more?
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00:06:58,510 --> 00:07:00,500
When children reach adolescence,
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00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:02,240
a cascade of hormones are released...
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[music playing softly
through headphones]
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- What are you doing?
- Making sure you don't run away.
189
00:07:16,910 --> 00:07:18,700
- Why?
- Because that's what happened
190
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the last time you and Mom fought.
191
00:07:21,650 --> 00:07:23,270
I'm not going anywhere.
192
00:07:23,290 --> 00:07:24,800
Now, get out of here, creepo.
193
00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:26,080
Why did you get so mad at Mom?
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00:07:26,100 --> 00:07:27,679
I don't want to talk to
her about that stuff.
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- It's so embarrassing.
- Why?
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00:07:29,750 --> 00:07:31,619
If you have to ask, then
something's wrong with you.
197
00:07:31,620 --> 00:07:34,663
But the topic was procreation,
and she clearly has procreated.
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Ew.
199
00:07:36,950 --> 00:07:38,190
[knock on door]
200
00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:40,400
Hey. You got a minute?
201
00:07:40,410 --> 00:07:42,087
Sure. Come on in.
202
00:07:42,090 --> 00:07:43,240
[sighs]
203
00:07:43,250 --> 00:07:46,842
I just wanted to say, about
yesterday, you were right.
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00:07:46,850 --> 00:07:48,540
- Oh.
- I don't have kids,
205
00:07:48,550 --> 00:07:50,887
I overstepped my bounds, and I'm sorry.
206
00:07:51,770 --> 00:07:53,557
Thank you for saying that.
207
00:07:54,270 --> 00:07:57,219
- Forgiveness five?
- [chuckles] Sure.
208
00:07:57,220 --> 00:08:00,022
Oh, come on now, that didn't
feel like you forgave me.
209
00:08:00,750 --> 00:08:03,230
All right. I'm feeling it.
210
00:08:03,240 --> 00:08:05,610
Okay, well, I'll let you get back to it.
211
00:08:05,630 --> 00:08:08,020
Actually, um...
212
00:08:08,030 --> 00:08:10,400
I might have overstepped yesterday.
213
00:08:10,410 --> 00:08:14,220
In fact, I... think there
might be some value
214
00:08:14,230 --> 00:08:16,350
in the kids hearing some of these things
215
00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:18,331
from people other than their parents.
216
00:08:18,340 --> 00:08:20,420
Great. [chuckles]
217
00:08:20,430 --> 00:08:22,794
Hey, maybe it's something
you and I could do together?
218
00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:25,329
Oh, no, no, no, this was your idea.
219
00:08:25,330 --> 00:08:28,410
Yeah, but you've got
way more experience.
220
00:08:28,420 --> 00:08:29,690
With kids, I mean.
221
00:08:29,700 --> 00:08:31,386
[chuckles] I know what you meant.
222
00:08:31,387 --> 00:08:32,389
[chuckles]
223
00:08:32,390 --> 00:08:35,807
Plus, it would be great for
them to hear from a woman.
224
00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:38,101
So, either you or Peg, so...
225
00:08:38,110 --> 00:08:41,610
Oh. I want to scare them,
but not that much.
226
00:08:41,620 --> 00:08:43,356
So, you'll do it?
227
00:08:43,370 --> 00:08:45,020
Okay.
228
00:08:45,030 --> 00:08:46,310
I'll tell Pastor Jeff.
229
00:08:46,330 --> 00:08:47,900
I like watching his face get all red
230
00:08:47,910 --> 00:08:49,690
when I mention S-E-X.
231
00:08:49,700 --> 00:08:50,819
[chuckles]
232
00:08:50,820 --> 00:08:52,365
Hey, yours does, too.
233
00:08:52,366 --> 00:08:54,810
[chuckles]
234
00:08:54,820 --> 00:08:57,780
MEEMAW: So, you're
gonna give us your ticket,
235
00:08:57,790 --> 00:09:00,040
and we're gonna give you the teddy bear.
236
00:09:00,050 --> 00:09:01,810
Why would I want a teddy bear?
237
00:09:01,820 --> 00:09:03,900
'Cause then we're gonna
buy the teddy bear back.
238
00:09:03,910 --> 00:09:06,370
But I said I don't want a teddy bear.
239
00:09:06,390 --> 00:09:07,631
I want cash.
240
00:09:07,640 --> 00:09:09,110
You're gonna get the cash.
241
00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:11,176
Then why do you keep
talking about a teddy bear?
242
00:09:11,180 --> 00:09:12,719
'Cause this way it ain't gambling.
243
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,221
But I want to gamble.
244
00:09:14,230 --> 00:09:17,557
Well, gambling's illegal.
This is a gray area.
245
00:09:18,809 --> 00:09:22,311
- Just give him the cash.
- No, he's gonna get this.
246
00:09:22,312 --> 00:09:23,605
I don't think he is.
247
00:09:23,620 --> 00:09:26,060
Listen to your Meemaw. I don't get it.
248
00:09:26,070 --> 00:09:27,234
Just give me your ticket.
249
00:09:29,820 --> 00:09:31,110
Wow.
250
00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:34,282
That is a nice teddy bear.
I'd like to buy that from you.
251
00:09:41,490 --> 00:09:43,708
I don't think he got it.
252
00:09:44,690 --> 00:09:46,419
SHELDON: And then Missy
said it was embarrassing
253
00:09:46,420 --> 00:09:48,463
to talk to our mother
about reproduction.
254
00:09:48,470 --> 00:09:51,599
Interesting, yet the two
of you are living proof
255
00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:54,886
she has at least a working
knowledge of the subject.
256
00:09:54,890 --> 00:09:57,680
That's what I said, then Missy
said something's wrong with me.
257
00:09:57,681 --> 00:10:00,808
Oh, I think you're as normal as I am.
258
00:10:00,809 --> 00:10:02,059
Thank you.
259
00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:05,710
Although, I have been called an odd duck
260
00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:08,020
and, one time, a quirky turkey.
261
00:10:08,030 --> 00:10:10,400
Those people were probably jealous.
262
00:10:11,270 --> 00:10:13,690
You know, there's some
science to indicate
263
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:16,610
that adolescents process embarrassment
264
00:10:16,630 --> 00:10:20,020
with a different part of
their brain than adults do.
265
00:10:20,030 --> 00:10:23,400
Really? So maybe Missy's
right, and I'm an outlier.
266
00:10:23,410 --> 00:10:25,083
Perhaps.
267
00:10:25,090 --> 00:10:28,270
Let's increase our sample size.
268
00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:31,440
Andy, would you feel embarrassed
269
00:10:31,450 --> 00:10:33,740
talking about sexual intercourse
270
00:10:33,750 --> 00:10:35,190
with your mother?
271
00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:36,469
Uh...
272
00:10:36,470 --> 00:10:38,388
Stammering, red-faced.
273
00:10:38,390 --> 00:10:39,681
He does seem embarrassed.
274
00:10:39,690 --> 00:10:41,440
Although, he may just be embarrassed
275
00:10:41,450 --> 00:10:43,226
by the subject in general.
276
00:10:44,070 --> 00:10:47,950
How would you feel discussing
it with a co-worker?
277
00:10:47,970 --> 00:10:50,300
Say-say me, for example.
278
00:10:52,710 --> 00:10:55,520
And now we know conversations like that
279
00:10:55,540 --> 00:10:57,150
can cost you your job.
280
00:10:57,160 --> 00:10:59,610
You learn something new every day.
281
00:11:00,870 --> 00:11:03,400
I think First Corinthians 7:2
282
00:11:03,420 --> 00:11:05,540
is actually a pretty
good place to start.
283
00:11:05,550 --> 00:11:07,740
"Each man should have
relations with his own wife,
284
00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:09,753
and each woman with her own husband."
285
00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:13,470
Yeah, I'm just not sure
quoting scripture
286
00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:16,468
is the most exciting way to engage.
287
00:11:16,470 --> 00:11:18,219
I was going more for guilt and fear.
288
00:11:18,220 --> 00:11:19,850
Well, those are classics for a reason.
289
00:11:19,870 --> 00:11:23,370
I just think that if we make
the fruit too forbidden,
290
00:11:23,390 --> 00:11:25,644
someone might want to sneak a bite.
291
00:11:25,650 --> 00:11:27,340
They look up to you.
292
00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:30,650
If you say that abstinence
is the way to go,
293
00:11:30,660 --> 00:11:31,733
they'll listen.
294
00:11:31,740 --> 00:11:34,200
Well, abstinence is important.
295
00:11:34,220 --> 00:11:36,040
But I also believe in honesty,
296
00:11:36,050 --> 00:11:38,940
and abstinence wasn't my journey.
297
00:11:39,890 --> 00:11:40,910
Oh.
298
00:11:42,770 --> 00:11:44,860
Well, that's none of my business.
299
00:11:44,870 --> 00:11:47,450
That's okay. I'm not saying I'm
proud of everything I've done,
300
00:11:47,470 --> 00:11:50,210
but, you know, I was young, the
mustache was just coming in...
301
00:11:50,220 --> 00:11:51,360
You could stop right there.
302
00:11:51,370 --> 00:11:53,670
Look, all I'm saying is,
I was a little wild,
303
00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:55,589
but it's all part of what
led me to the Lord.
304
00:11:55,590 --> 00:11:57,759
That is good to hear.
305
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:00,178
Actually, this is great.
306
00:12:00,180 --> 00:12:01,609
You can tell the kids how
you waited till marriage.
307
00:12:01,610 --> 00:12:05,016
I think it'll be really powerful
for them to hear your story.
308
00:12:07,190 --> 00:12:09,230
Uh-huh, right, right.
309
00:12:10,500 --> 00:12:11,855
Right.
310
00:12:11,856 --> 00:12:14,442
Something seems not right.
311
00:12:14,450 --> 00:12:17,790
Um, it's just, um...
312
00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:19,910
[chuckles]
313
00:12:19,930 --> 00:12:24,810
I didn't wait all the
way until marriage.
314
00:12:24,820 --> 00:12:26,650
Hey, none of my business.
315
00:12:26,660 --> 00:12:28,110
Thank you.
316
00:12:28,120 --> 00:12:29,980
But I appreciate the honesty.
317
00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:38,299
- Well, this just got a little awkward.
- Yup. Yeah. [laughing]
318
00:12:38,300 --> 00:12:40,770
- All right, have a good one.
- Okay.
319
00:12:40,790 --> 00:12:42,070
Oh...
320
00:12:42,090 --> 00:12:44,222
[stammers]
321
00:12:44,230 --> 00:12:46,266
♪ We're in the money ♪
322
00:12:46,270 --> 00:12:48,310
♪ We're in the money ♪
323
00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:51,980
♪ We've got a lot of what
it takes to get along ♪
324
00:12:52,870 --> 00:12:54,390
♪ We're in the money... ♪
325
00:12:54,410 --> 00:12:57,060
Oh! Don't take all my money!
326
00:12:57,070 --> 00:12:58,520
I'm just a Texas grandma
327
00:12:58,530 --> 00:13:01,440
trying to make people happy. [laughs]
328
00:13:01,450 --> 00:13:04,020
♪ We never see a headline... ♪
329
00:13:04,030 --> 00:13:05,900
Here you go.
330
00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:09,110
Ooh, sweet bear.
I'll give you 20 bucks for it.
331
00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:11,900
♪ We can pay, oh ♪
♪ We're in the money... ♪
332
00:13:11,910 --> 00:13:13,360
How we doing?
333
00:13:13,370 --> 00:13:14,900
There's a problem with the cash box.
334
00:13:14,910 --> 00:13:15,961
Oh, what's that?
335
00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:17,200
I can't get it to close.
336
00:13:17,210 --> 00:13:20,210
That is my kind of problem.
337
00:13:24,110 --> 00:13:26,969
Pastor Rob. Well, this is a surprise.
338
00:13:26,970 --> 00:13:28,600
Sorry to show up unannounced.
339
00:13:28,620 --> 00:13:31,730
- Can we talk?
- Of course. Come in.
340
00:13:33,330 --> 00:13:35,500
- Everything okay?
- Yes,
341
00:13:35,510 --> 00:13:38,230
but I need tell you
something in confidence.
342
00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:41,610
No one's home. It's just the two of us.
343
00:13:41,620 --> 00:13:43,150
That's what I was hoping.
344
00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:46,020
- MALE VOICE: Oh, yeah.
- Why are you in my bed?
345
00:13:46,030 --> 00:13:47,060
Why are you?
346
00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:51,310
This is wrong.
347
00:13:51,320 --> 00:13:53,650
Does it feel wrong?
348
00:13:54,820 --> 00:13:55,860
No.
349
00:13:55,870 --> 00:13:58,410
Mary Cooper,
350
00:13:58,430 --> 00:14:00,270
I want to sex you up.
351
00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:03,089
I would like that very much.
352
00:14:03,090 --> 00:14:05,220
♪ I wanna sex you up. ♪
353
00:14:05,230 --> 00:14:07,847
[gasps]
354
00:14:07,850 --> 00:14:11,330
- Everything okay?
- Yeah, I just, um...
355
00:14:11,350 --> 00:14:12,936
I had a weird dream.
356
00:14:12,940 --> 00:14:15,000
Must've been a doozy.
357
00:14:15,010 --> 00:14:16,530
You're all sweaty.
358
00:14:17,580 --> 00:14:19,690
[sighs]
359
00:14:19,700 --> 00:14:21,550
♪ I wanna sex you up. ♪
360
00:14:30,420 --> 00:14:33,410
- What a haul, huh?!
- Amazing.
361
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:35,660
Now what happens?
362
00:14:35,670 --> 00:14:38,150
I take it home, pour it on the bed,
363
00:14:38,170 --> 00:14:40,160
and just roll around in it.
364
00:14:40,170 --> 00:14:41,450
What about me?
365
00:14:41,460 --> 00:14:43,200
You just go home.
366
00:14:43,210 --> 00:14:45,385
No. We're partners.
367
00:14:45,390 --> 00:14:48,138
First of all, we're not
partners, and second...
368
00:14:49,010 --> 00:14:51,474
Actually, "not partners"
covers it all pretty well.
369
00:14:51,480 --> 00:14:54,978
Fine. Good luck laundering
this money without me.
370
00:14:55,810 --> 00:14:57,530
You know how to do that?
371
00:14:57,540 --> 00:14:59,357
I've seen Scarface, like, ten times.
372
00:14:59,370 --> 00:15:01,818
Great. I'll just watch Scarface.
373
00:15:01,830 --> 00:15:03,570
Dang it.
374
00:15:03,580 --> 00:15:04,950
_
375
00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:06,810
Pastor Jeff, you wanted to see me...
376
00:15:06,830 --> 00:15:08,500
Oh. Hello.
377
00:15:08,510 --> 00:15:11,327
Looks like we both got called
to the principal's office.
378
00:15:12,190 --> 00:15:13,360
Guess we've been naughty.
379
00:15:13,370 --> 00:15:15,040
[laughing]
380
00:15:15,050 --> 00:15:16,910
That's not a thing.
381
00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:17,950
You okay?
382
00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:20,545
Yeah, I just didn't sleep too good.
383
00:15:20,550 --> 00:15:21,700
Well, I didn't either.
384
00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:23,910
My phone was ringing off the hook.
385
00:15:23,930 --> 00:15:26,240
Apparently, this little talk
y'all were planning on giving
386
00:15:26,270 --> 00:15:29,053
- is causing quite the tizzy.
- A good tizzy?
387
00:15:29,060 --> 00:15:30,710
There's no such thing as a good tizzy.
388
00:15:30,730 --> 00:15:32,140
There's only bad tizzies.
389
00:15:32,150 --> 00:15:34,058
You know who wasn't
afraid of causing a tizzy?
390
00:15:34,060 --> 00:15:35,200
Yeah, yeah, Jesus,
391
00:15:35,210 --> 00:15:36,810
but He didn't get 14 messages
392
00:15:36,830 --> 00:15:39,439
from angry parents on
his answering machine.
393
00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:41,774
There was probably more,
but that little tape got full.
394
00:15:41,780 --> 00:15:44,736
Yeah, people have had
some strong feelings,
395
00:15:44,750 --> 00:15:46,220
but I think if they heard us out,
396
00:15:46,230 --> 00:15:48,950
they'd see we're not putting impure
thoughts in anyone's heads.
397
00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:50,200
Right, Mary?
398
00:15:50,210 --> 00:15:53,030
No. I mean, I mean, yes, we're not.
399
00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:55,710
I mean, if we're upsetting people,
400
00:15:55,730 --> 00:15:57,123
we should just back off.
401
00:15:57,124 --> 00:15:59,000
Exactly. The talk is off.
402
00:15:59,020 --> 00:16:01,160
I never want to talk
about the talk again.
403
00:16:01,170 --> 00:16:02,240
Hallelujah.
404
00:16:02,250 --> 00:16:03,650
If you'll excuse me,
405
00:16:03,670 --> 00:16:05,548
I have 14 phone calls to return.
406
00:16:06,650 --> 00:16:08,051
Well, sorry this didn't work out.
407
00:16:08,060 --> 00:16:10,637
It's probably for the best.
408
00:16:12,170 --> 00:16:13,800
MARY: Do not look at his butt.
409
00:16:13,810 --> 00:16:15,350
- Do not look.
- [door opens]
410
00:16:15,370 --> 00:16:17,143
Okay, do not look again.
411
00:16:17,150 --> 00:16:18,869
MAN ON TV: ... the weather
didn't finish him off,
412
00:16:18,870 --> 00:16:21,530
- you can bet that the polar bears did.
- [front door closes]
413
00:16:21,540 --> 00:16:22,815
Not necessarily.
414
00:16:22,820 --> 00:16:24,410
- Everything okay?
- No.
415
00:16:24,420 --> 00:16:26,199
- What's wrong?
- Everyone's parents are upset
416
00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:27,699
about the sex talk Mom wants to give,
417
00:16:27,700 --> 00:16:29,159
and all my friends are all blaming me.
418
00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:31,240
What? This wasn't your fault.
419
00:16:31,250 --> 00:16:32,490
That didn't stop Marjorie Jones
420
00:16:32,500 --> 00:16:34,070
from taking my seat at the lunch table,
421
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:36,910
and I also got uninvited
from two birthday parties.
422
00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:39,490
That's silly. All you
did was ask questions.
423
00:16:39,500 --> 00:16:41,110
And it's ruining my life.
424
00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:43,070
I'm never talking about sex ever again.
425
00:16:44,810 --> 00:16:46,280
Well, all right.
426
00:16:48,250 --> 00:16:50,959
- [door opens]
- [Jake clears throat]
427
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:52,512
Hey, there, Connie.
428
00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:53,763
What do you want?
429
00:16:53,770 --> 00:16:56,307
Is that any way to greet
an officer of the law?
430
00:16:56,310 --> 00:16:59,226
Sorry. What do you want?
431
00:16:59,227 --> 00:17:00,979
I hear you're back in business.
432
00:17:00,980 --> 00:17:03,720
We're not breaking any laws. [chuckles]
433
00:17:03,740 --> 00:17:07,450
People are just winning these prizes.
434
00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:11,030
- That you buy back for cash.
- It's a gray area.
435
00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:12,950
Look, I-I'm not here to argue.
436
00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:16,600
At the risk of repeating myself,
437
00:17:16,620 --> 00:17:18,410
what do you want?
438
00:17:18,420 --> 00:17:23,050
I've heard that in cash
businesses such as this,
439
00:17:23,070 --> 00:17:25,100
that some owners can benefit
440
00:17:25,120 --> 00:17:28,750
by having a strong relationship
with their local police department.
441
00:17:28,770 --> 00:17:30,008
What are you getting at?
442
00:17:30,009 --> 00:17:33,430
I'm just wondering if there's
something you can do
443
00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:34,920
to incur good will.
444
00:17:34,940 --> 00:17:37,250
- Are you shaking me down?
- No.
445
00:17:37,260 --> 00:17:38,679
Are you hitting on me?
446
00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:40,351
No. Uh...
447
00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:45,250
I'm just saying I've heard some
business owners like to invest
448
00:17:45,260 --> 00:17:46,816
in local law enforcement.
449
00:17:46,830 --> 00:17:48,276
You are shaking me down.
450
00:17:48,277 --> 00:17:50,190
It's a gray area.
451
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:54,610
What kind of contribution
are we talking?
452
00:17:54,620 --> 00:17:56,610
[inhales] Well, that's up to you.
453
00:17:56,630 --> 00:17:59,550
Oh, I understand that
somewhere between nine
454
00:17:59,570 --> 00:18:01,530
and 11% is popular.
455
00:18:01,540 --> 00:18:02,950
Ten percent?
456
00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:04,490
[chuckles] If you insist.
457
00:18:04,500 --> 00:18:06,030
How about three?
458
00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:07,320
Three what?
459
00:18:07,340 --> 00:18:10,510
Three counts of illegal gambling?
460
00:18:10,530 --> 00:18:12,300
Three years in jail?
461
00:18:12,310 --> 00:18:14,761
I'm paying you in quarters.
462
00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:18,222
[knock on door]
463
00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:21,070
Missy, I know you're upset.
464
00:18:21,090 --> 00:18:22,910
Would you like a hot beverage?
465
00:18:22,930 --> 00:18:24,687
MISSY: Go away.
466
00:18:24,690 --> 00:18:27,530
ADULT SHELDON: Every
culture has their taboos.
467
00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:30,400
In the Ukraine, it's
rude to whistle indoors,
468
00:18:30,420 --> 00:18:32,710
and they're correct. Not a fan.
469
00:18:32,730 --> 00:18:36,220
In our society, any discussion
of human reproduction
470
00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:39,830
seems to be so upsetting,
it causes nothing but chaos.
471
00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:42,650
Lost jobs.
472
00:18:44,460 --> 00:18:46,220
Lost friends.
473
00:18:46,230 --> 00:18:47,900
[crying]
474
00:18:48,850 --> 00:18:51,320
Sleepless nights.
475
00:18:51,340 --> 00:18:54,490
Even the word "sex" provokes
an uncomfortable reaction.
476
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:56,800
I thought "fornicate" might work,
477
00:18:56,810 --> 00:18:58,670
but that seemed too judgy.
478
00:18:59,730 --> 00:19:01,570
Then I found the perfect word,
479
00:19:01,590 --> 00:19:04,389
a word so bland and clinical
480
00:19:04,390 --> 00:19:07,100
that it would be impossible
to take offense to it.
481
00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:09,600
"Coitus." That'll work.
482
00:19:18,410 --> 00:19:20,860
My little angel.
483
00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:25,650
["Bridal Chorus" plays on organ]
484
00:19:25,660 --> 00:19:29,168
Do you, Pastor Rob, take Melissa
Cooper to be your wife?
485
00:19:29,170 --> 00:19:30,280
Heck yeah.
486
00:19:30,290 --> 00:19:32,040
And do you, Melissa Cooper,
487
00:19:32,060 --> 00:19:34,090
take Pastor Rob to be your husband?
488
00:19:34,110 --> 00:19:35,925
I totally do.
489
00:19:35,940 --> 00:19:37,500
I hereby pronounce you
490
00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:40,430
Mr. and Mrs. Youth Pastor Rob.
491
00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:42,681
You may now take the bride to Six Flags.
492
00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:44,434
- MISSY AND ROB: Yay!
- [whoops]
493
00:19:44,435 --> 00:19:49,360
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
35971
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