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1
00:00:11,700 --> 00:00:12,659
Come here.
2
00:00:18,355 --> 00:00:20,080
- Ta-ta.
- Ta-ta.
3
00:00:20,148 --> 00:00:23,474
Don't forget the checkie.
Can't produce plays without checkie.
4
00:00:23,762 --> 00:00:28,269
You can count on me, you dirty young man.
5
00:00:31,825 --> 00:00:32,784
Good-bye.
6
00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:36,945
Bye-bye. Good-bye. Bye.
7
00:00:37,386 --> 00:00:39,755
Bye-bye. Old buzzard.
8
00:00:51,404 --> 00:00:53,005
Hold me. Touch me.
9
00:00:53,389 --> 00:00:57,579
Hold me. Touch me.
10
00:00:58,729 --> 00:01:00,234
Hold me. Touch me.
11
00:01:10,503 --> 00:01:11,654
Darling.
12
00:01:12,008 --> 00:01:14,242
Hold me. Touch me.
13
00:01:14,309 --> 00:01:16,064
Not in the hall.
14
00:01:27,301 --> 00:01:30,590
I know she's in here.
I wonder where she's hiding.
15
00:01:30,848 --> 00:01:31,740
Where are you?
16
00:01:32,478 --> 00:01:34,942
Where are you, devil woman?
17
00:01:39,803 --> 00:01:42,392
"Finders keepers"
18
00:01:45,336 --> 00:01:47,868
Here I come, ready or not.
19
00:01:56,122 --> 00:01:58,490
There you are, you little flirt.
20
00:02:25,940 --> 00:02:27,695
What's the matter?
21
00:02:27,763 --> 00:02:30,735
Papa no want to play with baby?
22
00:02:30,898 --> 00:02:35,250
- I think Papa's neck is broken.
- What a sissy.
23
00:02:38,060 --> 00:02:39,565
Meow.
24
00:02:40,849 --> 00:02:42,729
Meow.
25
00:02:44,426 --> 00:02:47,245
I wonder where old Tom is tonight?
26
00:02:48,587 --> 00:02:49,642
Oy.
27
00:03:37,659 --> 00:03:41,215
Bialy. Bialy, darling, did I hurt you?
28
00:03:41,312 --> 00:03:46,335
- It's only a flesh wound, lamb chop.
- Don't worry, darling.
29
00:03:52,663 --> 00:03:55,165
I'll kiss it and make it well.
30
00:03:56,988 --> 00:03:58,234
Mr. Bialystock.
31
00:03:58,618 --> 00:04:01,014
Mr. Bialystock? How do you do?
32
00:04:01,110 --> 00:04:03,478
My God. I mean...
33
00:04:08,915 --> 00:04:10,295
...excuse me.
34
00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:13,594
You mean, "oops," don't you?
Just say, "oops," and get out!
35
00:04:15,473 --> 00:04:16,853
Not...
36
00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:18,743
- "Oops!"
- Oops.
37
00:04:21,936 --> 00:04:24,850
I can't abide a peeping Tom.
38
00:04:25,521 --> 00:04:30,162
One in the apartment
just opposite my bedroom window.
39
00:04:30,420 --> 00:04:33,076
I swear, that man never takes his...
40
00:04:33,134 --> 00:04:36,461
...field glasses off me, not for a minute.
41
00:04:38,090 --> 00:04:40,431
- Feeling better?
- Yes.
42
00:04:40,498 --> 00:04:41,552
Good.
43
00:04:45,387 --> 00:04:46,989
Let's fool around.
44
00:05:04,390 --> 00:05:08,360
Now I'll be the innocent little milkmaid...
45
00:05:08,427 --> 00:05:11,303
...and you be the naughty stable boy.
46
00:05:14,851 --> 00:05:16,577
This milk is so heavy.
47
00:05:17,056 --> 00:05:18,888
I'll never reach the house.
48
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:22,982
Help me. Will someone help me?
49
00:05:23,039 --> 00:05:24,132
Wait!
50
00:05:24,545 --> 00:05:26,979
We can't play today.
I have too many appointments.
51
00:05:27,076 --> 00:05:28,198
We can't play today?
52
00:05:28,254 --> 00:05:30,623
Thursday! We'll play on Thursday.
53
00:05:30,719 --> 00:05:33,509
We'll play "The Contessa and The Chauffeur."
54
00:06:12,599 --> 00:06:16,569
- The best one!
- Until Thursday then, Contessa mia.
55
00:06:17,364 --> 00:06:18,773
Contessa mia.
56
00:06:19,444 --> 00:06:23,471
No, darling, please, just a little.
57
00:06:24,469 --> 00:06:27,057
Money. I need money.
58
00:06:27,124 --> 00:06:30,452
All right.
59
00:06:30,605 --> 00:06:32,532
The Contessa and the Chauffeur.
60
00:06:36,271 --> 00:06:38,735
So the Count hired you this morning, Rudolfo?
61
00:06:38,831 --> 00:06:41,075
Watch the road.
62
00:06:41,132 --> 00:06:44,785
I can't take my eyes off you.
How can I drive when you drive me mad?
63
00:06:44,843 --> 00:06:48,074
- Mad!
- Rudolfo, you dirty pig.
64
00:06:49,196 --> 00:06:50,154
Pull over.
65
00:07:14,306 --> 00:07:16,646
That's enough. Good.
66
00:07:16,714 --> 00:07:18,017
We'll do the rest on Thursday.
67
00:07:18,113 --> 00:07:21,315
Now, that's a good girl. I'll get you your purse...
68
00:07:21,382 --> 00:07:22,274
...and your gloves.
69
00:07:22,341 --> 00:07:23,042
Thursday.
70
00:07:25,218 --> 00:07:26,407
Thursday.
71
00:07:26,656 --> 00:07:29,024
Until Thursday, then, you bawdy wench.
72
00:07:30,271 --> 00:07:33,310
- Hold me. Touch me.
- Thursday.
73
00:07:33,377 --> 00:07:36,224
And then we'll finish playing
the Contessa and Rudolfo?
74
00:07:36,292 --> 00:07:38,114
First thing on Thursday.
75
00:07:38,881 --> 00:07:40,386
And after that...
76
00:07:40,443 --> 00:07:43,741
...we'll play "The Abduction
and the Cruel Rape of Lucretia"...
77
00:07:43,809 --> 00:07:45,151
...and I'll be Lucretia.
78
00:07:45,659 --> 00:07:48,669
And I'll be Rape. On Thursday. That's wonderful.
79
00:07:49,533 --> 00:07:53,790
Lucretia, you forgot the checkie.
Can't produce plays without checkie.
80
00:07:55,487 --> 00:07:57,663
I had it with me all the time.
81
00:07:59,734 --> 00:08:02,965
Is it okay? I made it out to "cash."
You didn't say the play's name.
82
00:08:03,032 --> 00:08:06,648
Fine. Good. Thursday.
83
00:08:06,715 --> 00:08:10,712
Good-bye, my powder pigeon. Bye-bye.
84
00:08:10,780 --> 00:08:13,109
- Ta-ta.
- Ta-ta.
85
00:08:13,301 --> 00:08:14,806
Good-bye.
86
00:08:15,123 --> 00:08:18,488
He who signs the lease, must pay rent.
87
00:08:18,613 --> 00:08:20,051
That's the law.
88
00:08:20,377 --> 00:08:21,269
Why, you're a thief.
89
00:08:21,336 --> 00:08:23,991
How can you take the last penny
out of a poor man's pocket?
90
00:08:24,049 --> 00:08:25,334
I have to.
91
00:08:25,651 --> 00:08:27,059
I'm a landlord.
92
00:08:27,377 --> 00:08:29,908
Lord, hear my plea. Destroy him.
93
00:08:30,003 --> 00:08:34,193
- He maketh a blight on the land.
- Don't listen to him. He's crazy.
94
00:08:34,769 --> 00:08:37,588
That hurt. I must make another call.
95
00:08:57,713 --> 00:08:58,767
Oops?
96
00:08:59,208 --> 00:09:02,985
Who are you? What do you want?
Why are you loitering in my hallway?
97
00:09:03,052 --> 00:09:04,587
Speak, dummy! Speak!
98
00:09:04,903 --> 00:09:07,559
- Why don't you speak?
- Scared. Can't talk.
99
00:09:09,227 --> 00:09:10,215
All right.
100
00:09:11,528 --> 00:09:12,871
Get a hold of yourself.
101
00:09:13,226 --> 00:09:14,664
Take a deep breath.
102
00:09:15,623 --> 00:09:16,907
Let it out slowly...
103
00:09:17,924 --> 00:09:19,238
And tell me, who are you?
104
00:09:20,292 --> 00:09:23,906
I'm Leo Bloom. I am an accountant.
I'm from Whitehall and Marx.
105
00:09:23,974 --> 00:09:26,697
I was sent here to do your books,
and I'm terribly sorry...
106
00:09:26,754 --> 00:09:28,547
...I caught you with the old lady.
107
00:09:28,767 --> 00:09:30,791
"Caught you with the old lady"?
108
00:09:31,423 --> 00:09:33,379
Come in, Mr. Tact.
109
00:09:49,727 --> 00:09:52,258
- So, you're an accountant?
- Yes, I am.
110
00:09:52,315 --> 00:09:53,409
Then account for yourself!
111
00:09:53,466 --> 00:09:55,259
Do you believe in God? Or gold?
112
00:09:55,326 --> 00:09:57,148
Why are you looking up old ladies' dresses?
113
00:09:57,215 --> 00:09:58,174
Bit of a pervert, eh?
114
00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:01,146
Never mind. Do the books.
115
00:10:01,213 --> 00:10:03,994
They're over there in that desk. Top drawer.
116
00:10:05,403 --> 00:10:06,620
I'll take your coat.
117
00:10:07,100 --> 00:10:08,759
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
118
00:10:16,889 --> 00:10:19,383
How dare you condemn me
without knowing all the facts!
119
00:10:19,478 --> 00:10:20,341
Mr. Bialystock...
120
00:10:20,408 --> 00:10:23,285
Shut up! I'm having a rhetorical conversation!
121
00:10:23,735 --> 00:10:25,269
How humiliating.
122
00:10:25,624 --> 00:10:27,091
Max Bialystock.
123
00:10:33,045 --> 00:10:34,646
You know who I used to be?
124
00:10:35,346 --> 00:10:39,248
Max Bialystock, King of Broadway!
Six shows running at once!
125
00:10:40,591 --> 00:10:42,316
Lunch at Delmonico's.
126
00:10:42,604 --> 00:10:44,176
$200 suits.
127
00:10:47,283 --> 00:10:48,338
You see this?
128
00:10:48,654 --> 00:10:53,170
This once held a pearl as big as your eye!
Look at me now. Look at me now!
129
00:10:54,857 --> 00:10:57,197
I'm wearing a cardboard belt.
130
00:11:05,223 --> 00:11:07,973
I used to have thousands of investors begging...
131
00:11:08,070 --> 00:11:12,011
...pleading to put their money
in a Max Bialystock production.
132
00:11:12,902 --> 00:11:14,791
Look at my investors now.
133
00:11:18,118 --> 00:11:19,019
Voil�.
134
00:11:19,076 --> 00:11:23,813
Hundreds of little old ladies
stopping off at Max Bialystock's office...
135
00:11:24,168 --> 00:11:27,744
...to grab a last thrill on the way to the cemetery.
136
00:11:37,341 --> 00:11:41,953
You have exactly 10 seconds
to change that look of disgusting pity...
137
00:11:42,020 --> 00:11:44,321
...into one of enormous respect.
138
00:11:44,389 --> 00:11:46,623
One, two...
139
00:11:46,690 --> 00:11:49,250
Do the books.
140
00:11:50,909 --> 00:11:52,730
I appreciate that, sir.
141
00:12:03,450 --> 00:12:06,776
Window's so filthy,
can't tell whether it's day or night out there.
142
00:12:18,454 --> 00:12:21,139
That's it, baby! When you got it, flaunt it!
143
00:12:21,206 --> 00:12:22,395
Flaunt it!
144
00:12:26,134 --> 00:12:27,256
Cough.
145
00:12:27,927 --> 00:12:29,049
Cough!
146
00:12:34,130 --> 00:12:38,004
I assume you're making those cartoon noises
to attract my attention.
147
00:12:39,731 --> 00:12:43,029
Am I correct in my assumption,
you fish-faced enemy of the people?
148
00:12:43,508 --> 00:12:45,330
I hurt your feelings.
149
00:12:45,618 --> 00:12:49,040
- Good! What is it?
- May I speak to you for a minute?
150
00:12:50,833 --> 00:12:53,393
Go. You have 58 seconds.
151
00:12:53,451 --> 00:12:58,063
- In glancing at your books, I noticed that...
- You have 48 seconds left. Hurry.
152
00:12:58,129 --> 00:13:01,965
- I glanced at your books, I noticed...
- 28 seconds. You're running out of time.
153
00:13:02,032 --> 00:13:04,716
- Tick tock, tick tock...
- Mr. Bialystock...
154
00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:06,921
...I cannot function under these conditions!
155
00:13:06,988 --> 00:13:09,385
You're making me extremely nervous!
156
00:13:09,865 --> 00:13:12,713
- What is that, a handkerchief?
- What? Nothing. That's nothing.
157
00:13:13,259 --> 00:13:15,109
If it's nothing, why can't I see it?
158
00:13:16,423 --> 00:13:19,271
My blanket! My blue blanket!
Give me my blue blanket!
159
00:13:19,366 --> 00:13:21,667
You... No! You...
160
00:13:22,819 --> 00:13:25,253
Here.
161
00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:26,663
Don't panic.
162
00:13:33,671 --> 00:13:34,660
I'm sorry.
163
00:13:34,726 --> 00:13:37,219
I don't like people touching my blue blanket.
164
00:13:38,016 --> 00:13:41,725
It's not important. It's a minor compulsion.
I can deal with it if I want to.
165
00:13:42,215 --> 00:13:44,804
It's just that I've had it ever since I was a baby...
166
00:13:44,860 --> 00:13:47,201
...and I find it very comforting.
167
00:13:54,525 --> 00:13:56,864
They come here. They all come here.
168
00:13:57,114 --> 00:13:59,933
- How do they find me?
- May I speak to you?
169
00:14:00,220 --> 00:14:01,822
Yes, Prince Mishkin.
170
00:14:02,014 --> 00:14:05,849
- What can we do for you?
- This is hardly a time for levity.
171
00:14:06,232 --> 00:14:08,447
I've discovered a serious error...
172
00:14:08,505 --> 00:14:10,872
...in the accounts of your last play.
- Where? What?
173
00:14:10,969 --> 00:14:13,596
According to the backers list, you raised $60,000.
174
00:14:13,721 --> 00:14:16,088
But the play that you produced only cost $58,000.
175
00:14:16,156 --> 00:14:17,911
That's $2,000 unaccounted for.
176
00:14:18,169 --> 00:14:21,371
I went to a Turkish bath.
Who cares? The play was a flop!
177
00:14:21,429 --> 00:14:24,123
- What difference does it make?
- What difference does it make?
178
00:14:24,181 --> 00:14:26,903
That's fraud!
If they found out, you could go to prison.
179
00:14:26,971 --> 00:14:29,972
Who's gonna find out? It's only $2,000.
Bloom, do me a favor.
180
00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:32,532
Move a few decimal points around.
You're an accountant.
181
00:14:32,599 --> 00:14:36,434
You're in a noble profession.
The word "count" is part of your title.
182
00:14:36,530 --> 00:14:37,489
That's cheating.
183
00:14:37,585 --> 00:14:40,500
It's not cheating. It's charity.
184
00:14:40,787 --> 00:14:42,388
Bloom, look at me.
185
00:14:42,935 --> 00:14:44,334
Look at me!
186
00:14:45,198 --> 00:14:46,895
I'm drowning.
187
00:14:48,112 --> 00:14:52,014
Other men sail through life.
Bialystock has struck a reef.
188
00:14:53,261 --> 00:14:56,176
I'm going under.
189
00:14:57,067 --> 00:14:59,858
I'm being sunk
by a society that demands success...
190
00:14:59,915 --> 00:15:01,641
...when all I can offer is failure.
191
00:15:01,804 --> 00:15:04,623
Bloom, I'm reaching out to you.
192
00:15:05,869 --> 00:15:07,758
Don't send me to prison.
193
00:15:08,717 --> 00:15:10,539
Help!
194
00:15:13,386 --> 00:15:16,934
Help me, Bloom. Bloom, help me.
195
00:15:18,697 --> 00:15:21,161
I'll do it!
196
00:15:21,382 --> 00:15:24,230
- Thank you. I knew I could con you.
- That's all right. What?
197
00:15:24,298 --> 00:15:26,311
Nothing. Do it.
198
00:15:26,665 --> 00:15:28,899
Right. Let's see. $2,000.
199
00:15:29,705 --> 00:15:30,856
$2,000.
200
00:15:31,785 --> 00:15:35,045
That isn't much.
I'm sure I can hide it somewhere.
201
00:15:36,263 --> 00:15:39,427
After all, the Internal Revenue Service
isn't interested in a flop.
202
00:15:39,494 --> 00:15:42,150
Yes, right. Good thinking. You figure it out.
203
00:15:42,207 --> 00:15:45,956
I'm tired. I'm gonna take a little nap.
Wake me if there's a fire.
204
00:15:46,014 --> 00:15:50,050
Let's see if we add these we get, 10...
205
00:15:50,530 --> 00:15:51,488
...four...
206
00:15:55,612 --> 00:15:56,801
Amazing.
207
00:15:57,442 --> 00:15:59,035
It's absolutely amazing.
208
00:15:59,552 --> 00:16:01,086
Under the right circumstances...
209
00:16:01,153 --> 00:16:03,291
...a producer could make
more money with a flop...
210
00:16:03,359 --> 00:16:04,672
...than he could with a hit.
211
00:16:07,386 --> 00:16:08,766
Yes, it's quite possible.
212
00:16:08,823 --> 00:16:12,121
If he were certain that the show would fail,
a man could make a fortune!
213
00:16:12,189 --> 00:16:13,176
Yes?
214
00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:15,995
- Yes what?
- What you were saying? Keep talking.
215
00:16:16,062 --> 00:16:17,049
What was I saying?
216
00:16:17,117 --> 00:16:19,035
That under the right circumstances...
217
00:16:19,102 --> 00:16:21,240
...a producer could make
more money with a flop...
218
00:16:21,306 --> 00:16:22,745
...than he could with a hit.
219
00:16:22,813 --> 00:16:24,567
Yes, it's quite possible.
220
00:16:24,634 --> 00:16:27,347
You keep saying that, but you don't tell me how.
221
00:16:27,414 --> 00:16:29,620
How can a producer
make more money with a flop...
222
00:16:29,687 --> 00:16:30,837
...than he could with a hit?
223
00:16:30,904 --> 00:16:33,589
It's simply a matter of creative accounting.
224
00:16:33,656 --> 00:16:36,944
Let's assume, just for the moment,
that you are a dishonest man.
225
00:16:37,041 --> 00:16:38,613
- Assume away.
- It's very easy.
226
00:16:38,681 --> 00:16:40,818
You simply raise
more money than you really need.
227
00:16:40,885 --> 00:16:41,844
What do you mean?
228
00:16:41,911 --> 00:16:44,568
You did it yourself,
only you did it on a very small scale.
229
00:16:44,624 --> 00:16:45,458
What'd I do?
230
00:16:45,526 --> 00:16:48,595
You raised $2,000 more than you needed
to produce your last play.
231
00:16:48,661 --> 00:16:51,029
So? What did it get me?
I'm wearing a cardboard belt!
232
00:16:51,087 --> 00:16:53,839
That's where you made your mistake.
You didn't go all the way.
233
00:16:53,906 --> 00:16:57,617
You see, if you were really a bold criminal,
you could have raised $1 million.
234
00:16:57,684 --> 00:17:00,042
But the play only cost me $60,000 to produce.
235
00:17:00,109 --> 00:17:01,040
And how long did it run?
236
00:17:01,135 --> 00:17:02,353
- One night.
- You see?
237
00:17:02,410 --> 00:17:03,762
Do you see what I'm trying to say?
238
00:17:03,820 --> 00:17:06,351
You could have raised $1 million,
put on a $60,000 flop...
239
00:17:06,409 --> 00:17:07,598
...and kept the rest.
240
00:17:07,664 --> 00:17:10,157
- But what if the play was a hit?
- Then you'd go to jail.
241
00:17:10,225 --> 00:17:12,526
Once the play's a hit,
you have to pay the backers...
242
00:17:12,583 --> 00:17:16,332
...and with so many, there could never be
enough profits to go around. Get it?
243
00:17:19,275 --> 00:17:21,030
So in order for this scheme to work...
244
00:17:21,097 --> 00:17:23,399
...we'd have to find a sure-fire flop.
245
00:17:23,494 --> 00:17:25,642
- What scheme?
- "What scheme?"
246
00:17:25,795 --> 00:17:28,039
Your scheme, you bloody little genius!
247
00:17:28,106 --> 00:17:29,640
I meant no scheme.
248
00:17:29,707 --> 00:17:31,913
I merely posed a little
academic accounting theory.
249
00:17:31,970 --> 00:17:33,188
It was just a thought.
250
00:17:33,255 --> 00:17:37,061
Worlds are turned on such thoughts.
251
00:17:38,854 --> 00:17:42,152
Don't you see, Bloom?
Darling Bloom. Glorious Bloom.
252
00:17:42,210 --> 00:17:43,236
It's so simple.
253
00:17:43,303 --> 00:17:45,249
Step one, we find the worst play in the world.
254
00:17:45,345 --> 00:17:46,246
A sure-fire flop.
255
00:17:46,304 --> 00:17:49,765
Step two, I raise $1 million.
There's a lot of old ladies in the world.
256
00:17:49,822 --> 00:17:51,490
Step three, you work on the books...
257
00:17:51,558 --> 00:17:54,079
...phony list of backers for the government.
258
00:17:54,147 --> 00:17:57,377
You can do it, Bloom. You're a wizard.
Step four, we open on Broadway.
259
00:17:57,435 --> 00:18:00,350
And before you can say "step five,"
we close on Broadway.
260
00:18:00,570 --> 00:18:04,128
Step six, we take our $1 million,
we fly to Rio de Janeiro!
261
00:18:04,185 --> 00:18:05,115
"Rio
262
00:18:05,212 --> 00:18:07,646
- "Rio by the sea-o"
- Mr. Bialystock, wait a minute.
263
00:18:09,689 --> 00:18:11,357
You're holding me too tight.
264
00:18:13,112 --> 00:18:15,451
I'm an honest man. You don't understand.
265
00:18:15,518 --> 00:18:18,682
No, you don't understand!
This is fate! This is destiny!
266
00:18:18,749 --> 00:18:21,050
This is kismet! There's no avoiding it.
267
00:18:21,117 --> 00:18:24,214
Not more than five minutes ago,
I doctored your books!
268
00:18:24,281 --> 00:18:27,033
That, sir, is the ultimate extent of my criminal life!
269
00:18:30,168 --> 00:18:31,990
I want that money!
270
00:18:33,275 --> 00:18:34,838
I fell on my keys.
271
00:18:35,576 --> 00:18:39,382
You miserable, cowardly,
wretched, little caterpillar.
272
00:18:39,478 --> 00:18:41,396
Don't you ever want to become a butterfly?
273
00:18:41,491 --> 00:18:45,202
Don't you want to spread your wings
and flap your way to glory?
274
00:18:45,423 --> 00:18:46,967
You're gonna jump on me.
275
00:18:47,378 --> 00:18:50,035
You're gonna jump on me!
I know you're gonna jump on me!
276
00:18:50,102 --> 00:18:52,691
- Like Nero jumped on Poppaea.
- Who?
277
00:18:52,786 --> 00:18:55,442
Poppaea! She was his wife.
She was unfaithful to him...
278
00:18:55,509 --> 00:18:58,797
...so he got mad and jumped on her
up and down, up and down...
279
00:18:58,894 --> 00:19:00,878
...until he squashed her like a bug!
280
00:19:00,945 --> 00:19:04,081
- Please don't jump on me!
- I'm not gonna jump on you!
281
00:19:04,138 --> 00:19:05,327
I'm not gonna jump on you!
282
00:19:06,699 --> 00:19:09,805
- Will you get a hold of yourself?
- Don't touch me!
283
00:19:12,461 --> 00:19:14,733
I'm not gonna hurt you.
What's the matter with you?
284
00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:18,252
I'm hysterical!
I'm having hysterics. I'm hysterical.
285
00:19:18,539 --> 00:19:21,962
I can't stop when I get like this.
I can't stop. I'm hysterical.
286
00:19:25,606 --> 00:19:26,795
I'm wet!
287
00:19:27,341 --> 00:19:28,617
I'm wet!
288
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:30,984
I'm hysterical, and I'm wet!
289
00:19:32,010 --> 00:19:33,448
I'm in pain!
290
00:19:33,995 --> 00:19:35,338
And I'm wet!
291
00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:39,393
And I'm still hysterical!
No, don't hit. It doesn't help.
292
00:19:39,460 --> 00:19:42,950
- It only increases my sense of danger.
- What can I do?
293
00:19:43,008 --> 00:19:46,239
- You're getting me hysterical.
- Go away. You frighten me.
294
00:19:46,306 --> 00:19:48,071
- Where shall I go?
- Sit over there.
295
00:19:48,127 --> 00:19:49,470
Okay.
296
00:19:51,234 --> 00:19:52,769
Okay.
297
00:19:53,219 --> 00:19:55,549
I'm over here. This better?
298
00:19:55,616 --> 00:19:58,464
That's better. But you still look angry.
299
00:20:00,324 --> 00:20:01,627
How's this?
300
00:20:02,845 --> 00:20:03,938
Good.
301
00:20:04,188 --> 00:20:05,530
That's good.
302
00:20:06,268 --> 00:20:07,841
That's very nice.
303
00:20:09,374 --> 00:20:11,196
I think I'm coming out of it now.
304
00:20:12,797 --> 00:20:13,756
Yes.
305
00:20:14,111 --> 00:20:15,932
I'm definitely coming out of it.
306
00:20:18,426 --> 00:20:21,015
Thank you for smiling. That helped a great deal.
307
00:20:21,110 --> 00:20:22,683
You know what they say:
308
00:20:22,778 --> 00:20:25,242
"Smile and the world smiles with you."
309
00:20:26,997 --> 00:20:29,499
This man should be in a straitjacket.
310
00:20:29,691 --> 00:20:30,679
Feeling better?
311
00:20:30,746 --> 00:20:34,034
Much, thank you, but I am a little lightheaded.
312
00:20:34,131 --> 00:20:36,182
Maybe I should eat something.
313
00:20:36,403 --> 00:20:37,717
Hysterical attacks have a way...
314
00:20:37,784 --> 00:20:40,084
...of severely depleting
one's blood sugar, you know.
315
00:20:40,151 --> 00:20:42,549
They certainly do.
316
00:20:42,712 --> 00:20:45,109
Come. Let me take you to lunch.
317
00:20:52,942 --> 00:20:56,049
You know, it's very nice
of you to take me to lunch, Mr. Bialystock.
318
00:20:56,307 --> 00:20:59,280
Call me Max. You know I don't
let everybody call me Max.
319
00:20:59,472 --> 00:21:02,895
- It's only those people I like.
- Okay, Max.
320
00:21:03,153 --> 00:21:06,001
- And you can call me Leo.
- I already have.
321
00:21:07,085 --> 00:21:09,711
Where shall we go for lunch?
322
00:21:10,162 --> 00:21:14,477
Max, I don't know, Max. What do you think, Max?
323
00:21:15,148 --> 00:21:17,516
Leo, it's such a beautiful day...
324
00:21:17,612 --> 00:21:19,980
...why go to a dark, stuffy restaurant?
325
00:21:20,171 --> 00:21:21,869
Let's dine al fresco.
326
00:21:22,061 --> 00:21:25,196
- This is al fresco?
- The finest. Thank you.
327
00:21:26,538 --> 00:21:30,182
Excellent.
Please tender our compliments to the chef.
328
00:21:30,249 --> 00:21:33,575
- Please tender half a buck.
- Of course. Here you are, my good man.
329
00:21:33,738 --> 00:21:36,711
I'm not your good man.
I happen to own this establishment.
330
00:21:36,778 --> 00:21:38,053
Give me the change.
331
00:21:40,201 --> 00:21:42,022
Everybody's a big shot.
332
00:21:43,364 --> 00:21:46,376
Leo, what say we promenade through the park?
333
00:21:46,433 --> 00:21:47,909
I'd love to, but it's nearly 2:00.
334
00:21:47,976 --> 00:21:49,923
I should get back to Whitehall and Marx.
335
00:21:49,990 --> 00:21:52,291
Nonsense.
As far as Whitehall and Marx is concerned...
336
00:21:52,358 --> 00:21:54,372
...you're working with Max Bialystock, right?
337
00:21:54,439 --> 00:21:57,507
- Right.
- Then stick with Bialystock.
338
00:22:15,513 --> 00:22:17,469
Lovely out here, isn't it?
339
00:22:17,728 --> 00:22:20,825
I wish I could enjoy it. I'm so nervous.
340
00:22:21,150 --> 00:22:23,068
What if someone from the office should see me?
341
00:22:23,164 --> 00:22:26,108
Then you'd see them,
and why aren't they at the office?
342
00:22:28,476 --> 00:22:29,886
That's right.
343
00:22:30,460 --> 00:22:32,666
That's it, Leo. You're learning.
344
00:22:33,750 --> 00:22:35,226
Having a good time?
345
00:22:35,734 --> 00:22:37,940
I don't know. I feel so strange.
346
00:22:38,678 --> 00:22:40,404
Maybe you're happy.
347
00:22:40,883 --> 00:22:42,552
That's it. I'm happy.
348
00:22:45,878 --> 00:22:47,767
What do you know about that?
349
00:22:48,342 --> 00:22:49,493
I'm happy!
350
00:22:50,739 --> 00:22:52,148
I'm happy!
351
00:22:55,831 --> 00:22:59,925
There it is, Bloom.
The most exciting city in the world.
352
00:22:59,981 --> 00:23:02,800
Thrills, adventure, romance.
353
00:23:03,376 --> 00:23:06,444
Everything you ever dreamed of is down there.
354
00:23:07,278 --> 00:23:10,826
Big black limousines. Gold cigarette cases.
355
00:23:10,893 --> 00:23:13,712
Elegant ladies with long legs.
356
00:23:14,219 --> 00:23:16,560
All you need is money.
357
00:23:17,163 --> 00:23:18,956
Money is honey.
358
00:23:19,177 --> 00:23:20,845
Money is honey.
359
00:23:21,325 --> 00:23:23,626
Leo, he who hesitates is poor.
360
00:23:25,543 --> 00:23:27,500
Don't let me influence you.
361
00:23:27,691 --> 00:23:31,469
- It's your decision.
- But if we get caught, we'll go to prison.
362
00:23:31,526 --> 00:23:35,621
You think you're not in prison now?
Living in a gray, little room?
363
00:23:36,167 --> 00:23:40,616
Going to a gray, little job?
Leading a gray, little life?
364
00:23:41,190 --> 00:23:42,149
That's right.
365
00:23:42,697 --> 00:23:43,972
I'm a nothing.
366
00:23:45,026 --> 00:23:47,845
I spend my life counting other people's money.
367
00:23:48,487 --> 00:23:50,117
People I'm smarter than.
368
00:23:50,625 --> 00:23:51,775
Better than.
369
00:23:53,157 --> 00:23:54,690
Where's my share?
370
00:23:55,746 --> 00:23:57,538
Where's Leo Bloom's share?
371
00:23:58,784 --> 00:23:59,810
I want...
372
00:24:00,674 --> 00:24:01,891
I want...
373
00:24:02,629 --> 00:24:05,276
I want everything I've ever seen in the movies!
374
00:24:05,342 --> 00:24:07,165
Leo, say you'll join me!
375
00:24:07,836 --> 00:24:09,149
I'll do it!
376
00:24:10,175 --> 00:24:13,310
My God, I'll do it!
377
00:24:13,377 --> 00:24:14,652
I'll do it!
378
00:24:17,817 --> 00:24:19,226
I'm Leo Bloom!
379
00:24:20,472 --> 00:24:21,728
I'm me!
380
00:24:22,399 --> 00:24:24,125
I can do whatever I want!
381
00:24:24,471 --> 00:24:25,822
It doesn't matter!
382
00:24:26,359 --> 00:24:27,701
I'm Leo Bloom!
383
00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:53,752
Max, let's call it a night. It's 2:00 in the morning.
384
00:24:53,810 --> 00:24:56,657
- I don't know what I'm reading anymore.
- Read.
385
00:24:56,725 --> 00:24:59,189
We've got to find the worst play ever written.
386
00:25:03,694 --> 00:25:06,159
"Gregor Samsa woke one morning...
387
00:25:06,389 --> 00:25:09,620
"...to discover that he had been transformed...
388
00:25:09,678 --> 00:25:11,567
"...into a giant cockroach."
389
00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:13,838
It's too good.
390
00:25:18,029 --> 00:25:19,439
Wait a minute.
391
00:25:20,205 --> 00:25:21,643
Wait a minute.
392
00:25:22,641 --> 00:25:24,203
I've read this play.
393
00:25:25,392 --> 00:25:27,693
I'm reading plays I read this morning.
394
00:25:28,873 --> 00:25:30,282
I can't go on.
395
00:25:30,570 --> 00:25:31,817
It's too much.
396
00:25:32,871 --> 00:25:36,169
Max, let's face it, we'll never find it.
397
00:25:40,138 --> 00:25:41,673
"We'll never find it."
398
00:25:41,768 --> 00:25:43,303
"We'll never find it."
399
00:25:46,505 --> 00:25:47,722
"We'll never find it"?
400
00:25:47,780 --> 00:25:49,093
"Rio
401
00:25:49,190 --> 00:25:50,695
"Rio by the sea-o
402
00:25:50,753 --> 00:25:52,133
"Bialystock and Leo
403
00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:54,088
"Oh, me-o, Oh, my-o"
404
00:25:54,626 --> 00:25:55,748
Leo...
405
00:25:56,735 --> 00:25:57,924
Smell it.
406
00:25:58,145 --> 00:26:00,033
See it? Touch it.
407
00:26:00,130 --> 00:26:01,826
- What is it?
- "What is it?"
408
00:26:01,893 --> 00:26:02,881
We've struck gold.
409
00:26:02,948 --> 00:26:04,866
Not fool's gold, but real gold.
410
00:26:04,933 --> 00:26:06,879
The mother lode.
411
00:26:07,876 --> 00:26:09,276
The mother of them all.
412
00:26:09,726 --> 00:26:11,299
Kiss it, kiss it.
413
00:26:11,549 --> 00:26:12,833
You found a flop.
414
00:26:12,891 --> 00:26:15,258
"A flop." That's putting it mildly.
415
00:26:15,326 --> 00:26:17,627
We've found a disaster,
a catastrophe, an outrage!
416
00:26:17,694 --> 00:26:21,117
- A guaranteed-to-close-in-one-night beauty.
- Let's see it.
417
00:26:21,184 --> 00:26:24,282
This is freedom from want forever.
This is a house in the country.
418
00:26:24,348 --> 00:26:26,075
This is a Rolls Royce and a Bentley.
419
00:26:26,142 --> 00:26:29,085
This is wine, women, and song and women.
420
00:26:29,852 --> 00:26:31,741
"Springtime for Hitler.
421
00:26:32,153 --> 00:26:35,739
"A gay romp with Adolf and Eva
at Berchtesgaden."
422
00:26:38,874 --> 00:26:40,984
It's practically a love letter to Hitler.
423
00:26:41,051 --> 00:26:43,927
- This won't run a week.
- A week? Are you kidding?
424
00:26:44,022 --> 00:26:47,992
- This play has got to close on page four.
- Who wrote it?
425
00:26:48,049 --> 00:26:50,648
Who? Read, right there, read.
426
00:26:50,705 --> 00:26:51,702
- "Franz...
- Franz.
427
00:26:51,799 --> 00:26:53,141
- "...Liebkind.
- Liebkind.
428
00:26:53,208 --> 00:26:54,263
- "100...
- 100.
429
00:26:54,321 --> 00:26:55,346
- "...West...
- West.
430
00:26:55,442 --> 00:26:56,727
- "...Jane street."
- Jane street.
431
00:26:56,785 --> 00:26:57,944
Franz Liebkind.
432
00:26:58,136 --> 00:27:00,015
100 West Jane Street.
433
00:27:08,559 --> 00:27:11,569
- Who do you want?
- I beg your pardon?
434
00:27:11,636 --> 00:27:12,528
Who do you want?
435
00:27:12,595 --> 00:27:15,635
No one gets in the building
unless I know who they want.
436
00:27:15,691 --> 00:27:17,101
I'm the concierge.
437
00:27:17,389 --> 00:27:20,563
My husband used to be the concierge,
but he's dead.
438
00:27:20,754 --> 00:27:22,537
Now I'm the concierge.
439
00:27:24,081 --> 00:27:26,220
We are seeking Franz Liebkind.
440
00:27:26,574 --> 00:27:28,041
The kraut.
441
00:27:28,366 --> 00:27:31,051
He's on the top floor, apartment 23.
442
00:27:31,339 --> 00:27:32,778
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
443
00:27:32,873 --> 00:27:34,857
But you won't find him there.
444
00:27:35,050 --> 00:27:37,035
He's up on the roof with his birds.
445
00:27:37,734 --> 00:27:39,211
He keeps birds.
446
00:27:40,045 --> 00:27:43,017
Dirty, disgusting, filthy...
447
00:27:43,084 --> 00:27:45,031
...lice-ridden birds.
448
00:27:46,220 --> 00:27:49,192
You used to be able to sit out
on the stoop like a person.
449
00:27:49,796 --> 00:27:52,039
Not anymore. No, sir.
450
00:27:53,027 --> 00:27:54,148
Birds.
451
00:27:54,657 --> 00:27:57,188
- You get my drift?
- We get it.
452
00:27:57,255 --> 00:27:59,968
We get your drift. Thank you, madam.
453
00:28:00,678 --> 00:28:03,775
I'm not a madam! I'm a concierge!
454
00:28:13,469 --> 00:28:15,041
He's wearing a German helmet.
455
00:28:16,220 --> 00:28:19,519
Don't say anything to offend him.
We need that play.
456
00:28:30,142 --> 00:28:33,306
- Franz Liebkind?
- I was never a member of the Nazi party!
457
00:28:33,373 --> 00:28:36,345
I'm not responsible! I only followed orders!
458
00:28:36,441 --> 00:28:39,001
Who are you? Why do you persecute me?
459
00:28:39,068 --> 00:28:42,740
My papers are in order.
I love my adopted country.
460
00:28:49,979 --> 00:28:51,225
What do you want?
461
00:28:51,513 --> 00:28:54,581
Relax, Mr. Liebkind.
We're not from the government.
462
00:28:54,648 --> 00:28:57,361
- We came here to talk about your play.
- My play?
463
00:28:57,746 --> 00:29:01,139
- You mean Springtime for You-know-who?
- Yes.
464
00:29:01,207 --> 00:29:02,644
What about it?
465
00:29:03,316 --> 00:29:06,327
We love it. We think it's a masterpiece.
That's why we're here.
466
00:29:06,384 --> 00:29:08,014
We wish to produce it on Broadway.
467
00:29:09,395 --> 00:29:10,612
Broadway.
468
00:29:11,984 --> 00:29:13,680
Oh, joy of joys.
469
00:29:14,284 --> 00:29:16,404
Oh, dream of dreams.
470
00:29:16,461 --> 00:29:17,966
I can't believe it.
471
00:29:18,321 --> 00:29:21,197
I must tell the birds. Birds!
472
00:29:21,264 --> 00:29:22,416
Birds, do you hear?
473
00:29:22,511 --> 00:29:24,908
Otto! Berthe! Hans!
474
00:29:25,934 --> 00:29:29,903
Do you hear?
We are going to clear the F�hrer's name.
475
00:29:39,750 --> 00:29:43,403
Mr. Liebkind, please. People can hear.
476
00:29:49,673 --> 00:29:52,329
This is not a place to talk.
Come, we'll go to my flat.
477
00:29:52,617 --> 00:29:54,151
An occasion like this...
478
00:29:54,247 --> 00:29:55,781
...calls for schnapps!
479
00:30:11,937 --> 00:30:14,468
You know, not many people knew it...
480
00:30:15,485 --> 00:30:18,495
...but the F�hrer was a terrific dancer.
481
00:30:20,863 --> 00:30:23,327
Really? I never dreamed that...
482
00:30:23,423 --> 00:30:26,270
That is because that you were taken in...
483
00:30:26,750 --> 00:30:29,089
...by that verdammte Allied propaganda!
484
00:30:29,147 --> 00:30:31,391
Such filthy lies! They told lies!
485
00:30:32,417 --> 00:30:35,801
But nobody ever said a bad word
about Winston Churchill, did they?
486
00:30:35,896 --> 00:30:37,786
No! "Win with Winnie!"
487
00:30:40,825 --> 00:30:42,110
Churchill!
488
00:30:43,165 --> 00:30:45,561
With his cigars. With his brandy.
489
00:30:45,657 --> 00:30:49,780
And his rotten painting, rotten!
Hitler, there was a painter.
490
00:30:49,848 --> 00:30:53,462
He could paint an entire apartment
in one afternoon! Two coats!
491
00:30:56,118 --> 00:30:58,870
Churchill. He couldn't even say "Nazi."
492
00:30:58,937 --> 00:31:02,647
He would say, "Noses. Noses."
493
00:31:02,705 --> 00:31:03,702
It wasn't Noses!
494
00:31:03,759 --> 00:31:05,236
It was Nazis!
495
00:31:09,330 --> 00:31:10,614
Churchill!
496
00:31:11,190 --> 00:31:14,479
- Exactly why...
- Let me tell you this!
497
00:31:15,312 --> 00:31:18,256
And you're hearing this straight from the horse!
498
00:31:18,324 --> 00:31:22,925
Hitler was better looking than Churchill.
He was a better dresser than Churchill.
499
00:31:22,992 --> 00:31:25,774
He had more hair! He told funnier jokes!
500
00:31:25,841 --> 00:31:28,525
And he could dance the pants off of Churchill!
501
00:31:28,784 --> 00:31:31,373
- Exactly why...
- Churchill!
502
00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:34,028
Yes. Churchill!
503
00:31:34,383 --> 00:31:37,288
That's exactly why we want to produce this play...
504
00:31:37,671 --> 00:31:41,324
...to show the world the true Hitler,
the Hitler you loved...
505
00:31:41,382 --> 00:31:45,351
...the Hitler you knew,
the Hitler with a song in his heart.
506
00:32:05,573 --> 00:32:07,749
Here, Franz Liebkind, sign here...
507
00:32:08,037 --> 00:32:10,529
...and make your dream a reality.
508
00:32:11,335 --> 00:32:11,939
Here it is!
509
00:32:12,006 --> 00:32:15,457
Springtime for Hitler,
signed, sealed, and delivered.
510
00:32:15,775 --> 00:32:18,114
- What's the matter?
- I'm not wearing this armband.
511
00:32:18,181 --> 00:32:20,348
I don't care how big the deal is.
512
00:32:20,415 --> 00:32:22,591
Okay. Take it off.
513
00:32:30,233 --> 00:32:31,393
Taxi!
514
00:32:32,927 --> 00:32:34,240
The Blue Gypsy.
515
00:32:34,874 --> 00:32:36,504
Why are we going to the Blue Gypsy?
516
00:32:37,089 --> 00:32:39,198
We are not going to the Blue Gypsy.
517
00:32:39,418 --> 00:32:41,402
I am going to the Blue Gypsy.
518
00:32:41,469 --> 00:32:43,800
I have a rendezvous with a lady of some means.
519
00:32:48,440 --> 00:32:51,959
You see, my dear Bloom, phase one is complete.
520
00:32:52,026 --> 00:32:54,999
The play is ours.
We are now entering phase two...
521
00:32:55,066 --> 00:32:56,762
...the raising of the money.
522
00:32:56,820 --> 00:32:59,448
In the days to come,
you will see very little of me...
523
00:32:59,514 --> 00:33:03,608
...for Max Bialystock is launching himself
into little-old-lady land.
524
00:33:03,666 --> 00:33:05,785
Adieu. Avanti!
525
00:33:16,686 --> 00:33:19,121
You're incorrigible, Bialy.
526
00:33:19,246 --> 00:33:23,600
- Here's to the success of your new play.
- Our new play, my love.
527
00:33:25,488 --> 00:33:27,885
Bialy, I'm so sorry.
528
00:33:28,335 --> 00:33:31,183
- Did I wet you?
- Think nothing of it, my dear.
529
00:33:31,442 --> 00:33:34,031
A mere trifle.
530
00:33:34,385 --> 00:33:36,045
Did you bring the checkie?
531
00:33:36,331 --> 00:33:39,016
Yes, I have it right here in my purse.
532
00:33:39,659 --> 00:33:43,657
And I made it out just like you told me.
To "cash."
533
00:33:43,725 --> 00:33:45,901
That's a funny name for a play.
534
00:33:46,284 --> 00:33:48,365
Think nothing of it, my dear.
535
00:34:27,263 --> 00:34:29,823
- Thank you, my dear.
- Say it again, Bialy.
536
00:34:29,918 --> 00:34:33,341
And I swear to you on my life,
you don't look a day over 65.
537
00:34:35,201 --> 00:34:36,889
There you are.
538
00:34:38,490 --> 00:34:40,954
- I love you.
- What?
539
00:34:41,856 --> 00:34:43,160
I love you.
540
00:34:43,418 --> 00:34:44,541
What?
541
00:34:45,240 --> 00:34:46,458
I love you!
542
00:34:54,617 --> 00:34:57,273
Go, Bialy-baby, go!
543
00:35:06,008 --> 00:35:07,542
Who is it?
544
00:35:08,184 --> 00:35:09,871
It's Max Bialystock.
545
00:35:10,101 --> 00:35:13,716
Good. I thought it was a burglar.
546
00:35:13,975 --> 00:35:16,085
Wait. I'll let you in.
547
00:35:54,340 --> 00:35:55,913
Mrs. Sarah Cathcart.
548
00:35:56,296 --> 00:35:58,281
She owns 50 percent of the profits.
549
00:35:59,748 --> 00:36:01,541
Mrs. Virginia Resnick.
550
00:36:02,155 --> 00:36:04,389
She also owns 50 percent of the profits.
551
00:36:06,249 --> 00:36:08,137
Mrs. Eleanor Biddlecomb.
552
00:36:08,578 --> 00:36:10,822
She also owns 50 percent of the profits.
553
00:36:11,943 --> 00:36:13,631
Mrs. Alma Wentworth.
554
00:36:14,082 --> 00:36:16,133
She owns 100 percent of the profits.
555
00:36:16,738 --> 00:36:19,873
Leo, how much percentage of a play
can there be altogether?
556
00:36:19,940 --> 00:36:22,433
You can only sell 100 percent of anything.
557
00:36:23,037 --> 00:36:26,172
And how much
of Springtime for Hitler have we sold?
558
00:36:26,690 --> 00:36:28,387
25,000 percent.
559
00:36:28,924 --> 00:36:31,934
25,000 percent.
560
00:36:32,826 --> 00:36:34,657
Give me that blue thing.
561
00:36:39,193 --> 00:36:42,012
Where are you going?
We haven't finished signing the contracts.
562
00:36:42,079 --> 00:36:43,805
I have to see that money.
563
00:36:53,182 --> 00:36:54,811
Hello, boys.
564
00:36:55,579 --> 00:36:58,138
If you only knew what I went through for you.
565
00:37:01,590 --> 00:37:04,466
- What are you doing?
- I'm gonna buy myself a toy.
566
00:37:04,562 --> 00:37:07,409
I worked very, very hard,
and I think I deserve a toy.
567
00:37:07,477 --> 00:37:08,407
A toy?
568
00:37:08,666 --> 00:37:09,749
A toy.
569
00:37:12,472 --> 00:37:13,872
That's a toy?
570
00:37:14,255 --> 00:37:18,772
She happens to be our new receptionist.
She goes with our new surroundings.
571
00:37:19,222 --> 00:37:20,277
Ulla.
572
00:37:24,141 --> 00:37:25,167
Ulla.
573
00:37:25,588 --> 00:37:27,957
Ulla, I want you to meet
my associate and partner...
574
00:37:28,014 --> 00:37:29,232
...Mr. Leo Bloom.
575
00:37:30,766 --> 00:37:31,725
I beg your pardon?
576
00:37:36,461 --> 00:37:39,884
Have you gone mad?
A receptionist that can't speak English?
577
00:37:39,980 --> 00:37:41,389
What will people say?
578
00:37:41,486 --> 00:37:45,004
They'll say...
579
00:37:45,071 --> 00:37:46,634
What is she going to do here?
580
00:37:47,401 --> 00:37:48,973
I'll show you.
581
00:37:49,031 --> 00:37:50,028
Ulla...
582
00:37:50,383 --> 00:37:52,204
...go to work.
583
00:37:52,617 --> 00:37:54,314
Go to work.
584
00:38:19,463 --> 00:38:22,052
Ulla, okay. Okay, Ulla.
585
00:38:22,310 --> 00:38:23,710
Cream puff...
586
00:38:24,132 --> 00:38:27,008
...sweetie pie, pussycat, okay.
587
00:38:27,296 --> 00:38:28,485
Ulla!
588
00:38:29,309 --> 00:38:30,595
Stop work!
589
00:38:36,922 --> 00:38:40,125
Would you believe it?
I met her at the public library.
590
00:38:42,302 --> 00:38:43,356
Ulla.
591
00:38:45,504 --> 00:38:47,776
Go to desk. Answer telephone...
592
00:38:47,834 --> 00:38:51,132
..."Bialystock and Bloom."
593
00:39:02,042 --> 00:39:03,347
Nice girl.
594
00:39:04,411 --> 00:39:05,715
Bloom.
595
00:39:06,003 --> 00:39:09,464
- Take a cigar.
- Max, maybe we should both...
596
00:39:09,877 --> 00:39:12,561
- What's that?
- Nothing. Go on.
597
00:39:22,322 --> 00:39:23,827
Smart as a whip.
598
00:39:33,491 --> 00:39:34,958
No.
599
00:39:36,080 --> 00:39:37,930
No.
600
00:39:41,037 --> 00:39:43,118
You Swedish tease.
601
00:39:45,936 --> 00:39:47,308
You'll bury me.
602
00:39:55,343 --> 00:39:57,001
Leo, what were you saying?
603
00:39:57,480 --> 00:39:59,369
What? Max...
604
00:39:59,686 --> 00:40:02,054
Maybe we should
go a little easier on the spending.
605
00:40:02,121 --> 00:40:06,090
- I mean, these offices and all.
- Why? Take it when you can get it.
606
00:40:06,148 --> 00:40:07,912
Flaunt it, baby! Flaunt it!
607
00:40:07,979 --> 00:40:09,734
But if something should go wrong...
608
00:40:09,801 --> 00:40:11,622
...we could give back some of the money.
609
00:40:11,690 --> 00:40:15,716
- I mean, it would look better in court.
- Stop talking like that, you white mouse.
610
00:40:16,388 --> 00:40:17,797
Nothing is gonna go wrong.
611
00:40:17,864 --> 00:40:20,645
As a matter of fact, today,
I have taken steps to make sure...
612
00:40:20,712 --> 00:40:23,368
...that Springtime for Hitler
will be a total disaster.
613
00:40:23,972 --> 00:40:27,778
At 2:00, we have an appointment
with none other than Roger de Bris.
614
00:40:27,845 --> 00:40:29,149
Roger de Bris?
615
00:40:29,571 --> 00:40:32,226
What? Oh, the director. Is he good?
616
00:40:32,284 --> 00:40:34,460
- I mean, is he bad?
- He stinks.
617
00:40:34,815 --> 00:40:37,472
He's perhaps the worst director that ever lived.
618
00:40:37,539 --> 00:40:41,403
He's the only director whose plays close
on the first day of rehearsal.
619
00:40:41,498 --> 00:40:45,372
- Do you think he'll take the job?
- Only if we ask him.
620
00:40:45,823 --> 00:40:48,507
It's late. I'll get the car.
621
00:40:51,192 --> 00:40:52,189
Ja?
622
00:40:52,927 --> 00:40:55,324
Call chauffeur. Get car.
623
00:40:55,420 --> 00:40:57,625
Good. We go to motel?
624
00:40:57,692 --> 00:40:59,389
No. We go.
625
00:40:59,898 --> 00:41:03,157
You and Mr. Bloom go to motel?
626
00:41:03,321 --> 00:41:05,305
No. No motel.
627
00:41:05,564 --> 00:41:07,127
Get car.
628
00:41:07,348 --> 00:41:09,562
"Get car."
629
00:41:10,962 --> 00:41:12,151
"Get car."
630
00:41:25,363 --> 00:41:27,022
Thank you, Rudolfo.
631
00:41:32,496 --> 00:41:34,960
Now, don't let anything he says or does
upset you.
632
00:41:35,056 --> 00:41:37,779
- He's a little peculiar.
- What do you mean?
633
00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:39,247
Yes?
634
00:41:41,806 --> 00:41:45,296
I am Max Bialystock.
This is my associate, Mr. Bloom.
635
00:41:45,392 --> 00:41:47,598
We have an appointment with Mr. de Bris.
636
00:41:47,665 --> 00:41:50,896
Yes, you are expected. Please do come in.
637
00:42:01,165 --> 00:42:02,152
How do you do?
638
00:42:02,219 --> 00:42:05,191
I am Carmen Giya,
Monsieur de Bris' private secretary.
639
00:42:05,287 --> 00:42:07,013
Would you please remove your shoes?
640
00:42:10,407 --> 00:42:12,939
White, white, white is the color of our carpet.
641
00:42:16,323 --> 00:42:18,211
Will you please follow me?
642
00:43:10,322 --> 00:43:11,472
Please.
643
00:43:20,590 --> 00:43:22,096
We're not alone!
644
00:43:23,371 --> 00:43:24,877
Please sit down.
645
00:43:25,768 --> 00:43:26,862
Roger?
646
00:43:28,750 --> 00:43:31,339
Messieurs Bialystock and Bloom, I presume?
647
00:43:32,201 --> 00:43:33,199
Forgive the pun.
648
00:43:34,762 --> 00:43:37,513
- What pun?
- Shut up. He thinks he's witty.
649
00:43:38,281 --> 00:43:40,141
Good to see you again, Roger.
650
00:43:40,197 --> 00:43:42,758
Did you get a chance to read
Springtime for Hitler?
651
00:43:42,854 --> 00:43:45,634
Remarkable. Remarkable.
652
00:43:47,427 --> 00:43:49,316
A stunning piece of work.
653
00:43:50,505 --> 00:43:52,806
Max, he's wearing a dress.
654
00:43:53,794 --> 00:43:54,915
No kidding.
655
00:43:55,011 --> 00:43:59,144
I, for one, think it is a very important play.
656
00:44:01,061 --> 00:44:04,897
Do you know,
I never realized that the Third Reich...
657
00:44:04,992 --> 00:44:06,277
...meant Germany?
658
00:44:06,527 --> 00:44:09,796
I mean, it's drenched
with historical goodies like that.
659
00:44:11,810 --> 00:44:12,988
Oh, dear.
660
00:44:13,564 --> 00:44:15,233
You're staring at my dress.
661
00:44:15,587 --> 00:44:17,149
I should explain.
662
00:44:17,409 --> 00:44:19,776
I'm going to the choreographer's ball tonight.
663
00:44:19,931 --> 00:44:23,487
- There is a prize for the best costume.
- And we always win.
664
00:44:23,545 --> 00:44:25,625
I'm not so sure about tonight.
665
00:44:25,721 --> 00:44:28,444
I'm supposed to be
the Grand Duchess Anastasia...
666
00:44:28,895 --> 00:44:31,004
...but I think I look more like Tugboat Annie.
667
00:44:31,100 --> 00:44:32,088
- What do you think?
- I...
668
00:44:32,184 --> 00:44:33,143
Now, be cruel.
669
00:44:33,305 --> 00:44:35,482
Be brutal. Be brutal!
670
00:44:35,962 --> 00:44:38,205
Because, heaven knows, they will.
671
00:44:38,809 --> 00:44:41,206
Well? What do you think, Mr. Bloom?
672
00:44:45,395 --> 00:44:49,173
- Where do you keep your wallet?
- It's gorgeous.
673
00:44:49,269 --> 00:44:52,309
You couldn't have picked a better color.
It brings out your eyes.
674
00:44:52,404 --> 00:44:55,444
Let's face it, Roger, that dress is you.
675
00:44:56,048 --> 00:45:00,151
- Do you really think it brings out my eyes?
- We can't tell a thing without your wig.
676
00:45:00,209 --> 00:45:03,056
As far as I'm concerned, you're only half-dressed.
677
00:45:03,124 --> 00:45:07,697
If you're so worried about the wig,
get it, O Wicked Witch of the West.
678
00:45:09,366 --> 00:45:11,600
Quick, light his cigarette.
679
00:45:11,667 --> 00:45:13,843
- He likes you.
- I don't want to...
680
00:45:29,616 --> 00:45:32,136
Didn't I meet you on a summer cruise?
681
00:45:37,189 --> 00:45:39,433
I've never been on a summer cruise.
682
00:45:40,555 --> 00:45:42,348
Quel dommage.
683
00:45:44,553 --> 00:45:46,883
I see we're getting acquainted.
684
00:45:47,238 --> 00:45:50,057
How would you like to
go back to teasing hair, big mouth?
685
00:45:50,373 --> 00:45:51,754
Temper, Roger.
686
00:45:52,070 --> 00:45:55,301
Roger, do you mind if we talk a little business?
687
00:45:55,368 --> 00:45:59,300
Please. That is what we are here for.
688
00:45:59,587 --> 00:46:03,461
I think this would be
a marvelous opportunity for you.
689
00:46:03,777 --> 00:46:05,311
Be careful. That hurt!
690
00:46:06,145 --> 00:46:08,705
Up to now, you've always
been associated with musicals.
691
00:46:08,801 --> 00:46:12,061
Yes. Dopey showgirls with gooey gowns.
692
00:46:12,128 --> 00:46:14,755
"Two, three, kick, turn, turn, turn, kick, turn!"
693
00:46:15,263 --> 00:46:16,798
It's enough to make you puke.
694
00:46:16,893 --> 00:46:17,852
Roger.
695
00:46:18,111 --> 00:46:21,696
But now, at last, a chance to do straight drama.
696
00:46:22,138 --> 00:46:25,244
Roger de Bris presents history.
697
00:46:26,338 --> 00:46:29,980
Of course, I think we should add a little music...
698
00:46:30,393 --> 00:46:32,857
...and that whole third act has got to go.
699
00:46:33,433 --> 00:46:36,702
They're losing the war. It's too depressing.
700
00:46:38,168 --> 00:46:40,825
We shall have to put something in there.
701
00:46:42,973 --> 00:46:45,494
- What?
- I see it! I see it!
702
00:46:45,590 --> 00:46:49,492
A line of beautiful girls
dressed as storm troopers...
703
00:46:49,587 --> 00:46:52,954
...black patent leather boots, S-M.
- Love it.
704
00:46:53,049 --> 00:46:54,938
All marching together!
705
00:46:55,034 --> 00:46:57,622
"Two, three, kick, turn, turn, turn, kick, turn..."
706
00:46:57,680 --> 00:46:59,090
It will work!
707
00:46:59,252 --> 00:47:01,716
That is genius! Genius!
708
00:47:02,388 --> 00:47:03,826
I speak for Mr. Bloom and myself...
709
00:47:03,922 --> 00:47:06,166
...when I say you're the only man in the world...
710
00:47:06,223 --> 00:47:08,371
...who can do justice to Springtime for Hitler.
711
00:47:08,437 --> 00:47:10,959
Wait a minute. This is a very big decision.
712
00:47:11,056 --> 00:47:13,778
It might affect the course of my entire life.
713
00:47:13,845 --> 00:47:15,887
I shall have to think about it.
714
00:47:16,272 --> 00:47:19,119
- I'll do it.
- Congratulations and thank you.
715
00:47:19,186 --> 00:47:21,679
Get on the phone! Send out a casting call!
716
00:47:21,746 --> 00:47:26,061
Call every agent in town!
I want to see everybody, everybody!
717
00:47:40,586 --> 00:47:41,832
Heil!
718
00:47:55,495 --> 00:47:57,921
This is bedlam!
719
00:47:58,698 --> 00:48:00,740
We must have some order!
720
00:48:05,447 --> 00:48:08,832
Will the dancing Hitlers please wait in the wings?
721
00:48:08,995 --> 00:48:11,009
We are only seeing singing Hitlers.
722
00:48:19,771 --> 00:48:21,181
Arthur Picard.
723
00:48:25,467 --> 00:48:28,094
Hello, Arthur. Tell us something about yourself.
724
00:48:28,190 --> 00:48:32,255
I was the lead tenor
of the Albuquerque Opera Company...
725
00:48:32,313 --> 00:48:33,818
...for the last two seasons.
726
00:48:33,914 --> 00:48:38,171
I just finished the road tour of Lilac Time,
and last season...
727
00:48:38,238 --> 00:48:41,182
...I was up for the lead
in the Broadway production...
728
00:48:41,278 --> 00:48:42,840
...of The Gypsy Lover.
729
00:48:42,936 --> 00:48:43,867
What happened?
730
00:48:44,125 --> 00:48:45,525
I didn't get it.
731
00:48:45,592 --> 00:48:47,961
Arthur, what are you going to sing for us?
732
00:48:48,028 --> 00:48:51,958
I would like to sing A Wandering Minstrel, I.
733
00:48:52,562 --> 00:48:53,848
Very well.
734
00:49:04,500 --> 00:49:05,813
Thank you!
735
00:49:07,280 --> 00:49:08,690
Next, please!
736
00:49:08,977 --> 00:49:11,221
Jason Green. Please.
737
00:49:14,672 --> 00:49:17,041
Jason, and what have you been up to lately?
738
00:49:17,108 --> 00:49:21,039
For the last 16 years,
I have been touring with the USO.
739
00:49:23,023 --> 00:49:27,022
- And what are you going to sing for us?
- Have You Ever Heard The German Band?
740
00:49:27,089 --> 00:49:28,048
No.
741
00:49:28,460 --> 00:49:31,729
That's the name of the song I am going to sing.
742
00:49:35,018 --> 00:49:36,427
You will play it!
743
00:49:59,745 --> 00:50:00,771
Thank you!
744
00:50:04,386 --> 00:50:07,205
The Little Wooden Boy.
745
00:50:11,807 --> 00:50:13,379
Thank you!
746
00:50:18,403 --> 00:50:19,650
Thank you!
747
00:50:21,375 --> 00:50:23,772
- Does that mean that I don't get...
- I'm sorry.
748
00:50:23,868 --> 00:50:25,277
You're sorry?
749
00:50:28,317 --> 00:50:29,631
Thank you!
750
00:50:37,311 --> 00:50:38,720
That's it.
751
00:50:44,703 --> 00:50:47,004
- Hey, man.
- I beg your pardon?
752
00:50:47,800 --> 00:50:50,906
Is this where they're auditioning
Boomerang, baby?
753
00:50:50,964 --> 00:50:53,687
I'm afraid you wandered into the wrong theater.
754
00:50:55,480 --> 00:50:58,519
Man, not again. Freak out.
755
00:50:59,382 --> 00:51:03,160
Wait! Wait!
This is Boomerang. This is Boomerang.
756
00:51:03,217 --> 00:51:06,228
- What are you saying?
- Let's hear him. What have we got to lose?
757
00:51:06,323 --> 00:51:07,637
All right.
758
00:51:07,705 --> 00:51:08,817
Young man...
759
00:51:09,718 --> 00:51:11,281
...what is your name?
760
00:51:12,949 --> 00:51:15,222
Man. My name?
761
00:51:19,344 --> 00:51:21,588
Lorenzo! Lorenzo, baby.
762
00:51:21,837 --> 00:51:25,547
Lorenzo St. Dubois, but my friends call me LSD.
763
00:51:25,614 --> 00:51:29,066
- And what have you done, LSD?
- Man, about six months...
764
00:51:29,162 --> 00:51:31,118
...but I'm on probation, and I'm cool, man.
765
00:51:31,214 --> 00:51:35,854
- I mean, what do you do best?
- Man, I can't do that here.
766
00:51:35,921 --> 00:51:37,676
That's why they put me away, baby.
767
00:51:38,155 --> 00:51:39,594
Sing, sing.
768
00:51:39,690 --> 00:51:42,345
Thank you. Thank you so very much.
We're gonna sing.
769
00:51:42,442 --> 00:51:45,644
If I may, I'd like to call on my group.
They kind of help me a little.
770
00:51:45,711 --> 00:51:49,738
Group! Come on, fellas.
I would like to, sing this song.
771
00:51:50,121 --> 00:51:51,684
It's about love...
772
00:51:52,326 --> 00:51:53,352
And hate.
773
00:51:53,448 --> 00:51:57,063
Psychedelically speaking,
I am talking about "the power."
774
00:52:07,590 --> 00:52:09,000
"Love power
775
00:52:10,112 --> 00:52:11,684
"I'm talkin' 'bout
776
00:52:11,752 --> 00:52:13,247
"Love power
777
00:52:14,408 --> 00:52:17,638
"The power of a sweet flower
778
00:52:18,530 --> 00:52:21,119
"Is gonna rule the earth
779
00:52:22,624 --> 00:52:25,184
"And there'll be a great rebirth
780
00:52:28,291 --> 00:52:31,167
"Love is the flower that is mine
781
00:52:32,509 --> 00:52:34,369
"When I'm walkin' with my darlin'
782
00:52:34,427 --> 00:52:36,575
"And we're holdin' hands
783
00:52:37,025 --> 00:52:38,684
"And life is fine
784
00:52:39,001 --> 00:52:40,956
"'cause she understands
785
00:52:41,435 --> 00:52:44,408
"Walkin' down the sunny street
786
00:52:45,434 --> 00:52:47,352
"Givin' pretty flowers
787
00:52:47,447 --> 00:52:50,390
"To the people that we meet
788
00:52:53,564 --> 00:52:57,879
"And I give a flower to the big, fat cop
789
00:52:57,975 --> 00:53:02,136
"He takes his club, and he beats me up
790
00:53:02,232 --> 00:53:06,393
"I give a flower to the garbage man
791
00:53:06,451 --> 00:53:10,515
"He stuffs my girl in the garbage can
792
00:53:10,583 --> 00:53:14,581
"And I give it to
the landlord when the rent comes 'round
793
00:53:14,639 --> 00:53:16,527
"He throws it in a toilet
794
00:53:16,623 --> 00:53:18,608
"And he flush it down
795
00:53:18,704 --> 00:53:20,621
"It goes into the sewer
796
00:53:20,717 --> 00:53:22,549
"With the yuck runnin' through her
797
00:53:22,607 --> 00:53:25,492
"And it runs into the river that we drink
798
00:53:25,588 --> 00:53:27,630
"World, you stink
799
00:53:28,273 --> 00:53:29,778
"Man
800
00:53:29,874 --> 00:53:31,916
"It's later than you think
801
00:53:33,392 --> 00:53:36,557
"So you got just one more chance
802
00:53:37,995 --> 00:53:40,334
"Come on, baby, while I dance
803
00:53:50,315 --> 00:53:52,358
"Love, love power
804
00:53:52,837 --> 00:53:54,506
"I'm talkin' 'bout
805
00:53:54,573 --> 00:53:56,068
"Love power
806
00:53:57,286 --> 00:54:00,555
"The power of a little flower
807
00:54:02,147 --> 00:54:04,294
"You don't think about those little flowers
808
00:54:04,362 --> 00:54:06,346
"No. All you think about is guns
809
00:54:06,442 --> 00:54:08,034
"If everybody in the world today
810
00:54:08,129 --> 00:54:09,673
"Had a flower instead of a gun
811
00:54:09,769 --> 00:54:11,045
"There would be no wars
812
00:54:11,111 --> 00:54:13,412
"There would be one big smell-in
813
00:54:15,234 --> 00:54:16,644
"Just a flower!"
814
00:54:19,011 --> 00:54:20,163
Man...
815
00:54:22,943 --> 00:54:24,094
...my flower.
816
00:54:25,829 --> 00:54:27,775
What'd you do to my flower, man?
817
00:54:28,188 --> 00:54:31,361
You hurt it. Like everything else.
818
00:54:32,924 --> 00:54:35,906
Everything else. No flower.
819
00:54:42,013 --> 00:54:43,739
That's our Hitler!
820
00:55:18,294 --> 00:55:19,732
Your Highness.
821
00:55:25,331 --> 00:55:27,470
There's the Times' drama critic.
822
00:55:27,987 --> 00:55:32,590
Watch closely as Max Bialystock
puts the last nail into the coffin.
823
00:55:32,916 --> 00:55:34,316
Good evening.
824
00:55:34,766 --> 00:55:35,628
Good evening, sir.
825
00:55:35,696 --> 00:55:38,898
Always delighted to greet
the gentlemen of the press.
826
00:55:38,956 --> 00:55:39,982
Here you are, sir.
827
00:55:40,078 --> 00:55:43,022
Two on the aisle,
compliments of the management.
828
00:55:44,622 --> 00:55:48,103
Wait... Wait a moment.
There seems to be some mistake.
829
00:55:48,237 --> 00:55:50,950
There's a $100-bill wrapped around these tickets.
830
00:55:51,593 --> 00:55:52,878
That's no mistake.
831
00:55:53,453 --> 00:55:54,891
Enjoy the show.
832
00:55:55,495 --> 00:55:58,410
Mr. Bialystock,
just what do you think you're doing?
833
00:55:59,014 --> 00:56:00,519
I'm bribing you.
834
00:56:01,066 --> 00:56:04,489
Just play ball,
there's a lot more where that came from.
835
00:56:28,641 --> 00:56:30,309
Keep this buttoned.
836
00:56:31,075 --> 00:56:33,664
Straight! Up! Up! Always up!
837
00:56:37,634 --> 00:56:41,114
Gentlemen, it is magic time. Good luck.
838
00:56:41,785 --> 00:56:43,070
Good luck.
839
00:56:45,592 --> 00:56:47,768
Tonight, Broadway, tomorrow...
840
00:56:52,255 --> 00:56:54,010
So much for Nazi failure.
841
00:57:03,032 --> 00:57:04,250
He'll kill us.
842
00:57:05,429 --> 00:57:07,865
Max, come on, the overture's started.
843
00:57:14,643 --> 00:57:15,986
Max...
844
00:57:18,805 --> 00:57:20,530
This is it!
845
00:57:20,693 --> 00:57:22,352
Sorry. I'm a little nervous.
846
00:57:22,419 --> 00:57:25,266
Relax. In two hours, our worries will be over.
847
00:57:29,773 --> 00:57:31,183
"Germany was having trouble
848
00:57:31,250 --> 00:57:33,101
"What a sad, sad story
849
00:57:33,167 --> 00:57:34,481
"Needed a new leader
850
00:57:34,548 --> 00:57:36,369
"To restore its former glory
851
00:57:36,427 --> 00:57:38,383
"Where, where was he?
852
00:57:38,508 --> 00:57:40,751
"Where could that man be?
853
00:57:40,818 --> 00:57:43,312
"We looked around and then we found
854
00:57:43,819 --> 00:57:46,571
"The man for you and me
855
00:57:46,926 --> 00:57:49,745
"And now it's...
856
00:57:49,803 --> 00:57:53,263
"Springtime for Hitler
857
00:57:53,321 --> 00:57:55,785
"And Germany
858
00:57:57,002 --> 00:58:01,672
"Deutschland is happy and gay
859
00:58:03,656 --> 00:58:08,298
"We're marching to a faster pace
860
00:58:10,148 --> 00:58:12,516
"Look out, here comes
861
00:58:12,612 --> 00:58:15,335
"The master race
862
00:58:16,677 --> 00:58:19,141
"Springtime for Hitler
863
00:58:19,238 --> 00:58:21,922
"And Germany
864
00:58:23,302 --> 00:58:27,933
"Winter for Poland and France
865
00:58:29,860 --> 00:58:32,641
"Springtime for Hitler
866
00:58:32,708 --> 00:58:35,460
"And Germany
867
00:58:35,805 --> 00:58:37,531
"Come on, Germans
868
00:58:37,598 --> 00:58:40,253
"Go into your dance
869
00:58:44,895 --> 00:58:46,745
"I was born in D�sseldorf
870
00:58:46,811 --> 00:58:48,221
"And that is why they call me Rolf"
871
00:58:50,944 --> 00:58:52,823
"Don't be stupid, be a smarty
872
00:58:52,891 --> 00:58:54,205
"Come and join the Nazi party!"
873
00:59:35,854 --> 00:59:38,893
"Springtime for Hitler
874
00:59:38,960 --> 00:59:41,329
"And Germany
875
00:59:43,083 --> 00:59:44,330
"Goose step's
876
00:59:44,397 --> 00:59:47,081
"The new step today
877
00:59:50,025 --> 00:59:51,693
"Bombs falling
878
00:59:51,818 --> 00:59:54,733
"From the skies again
879
00:59:57,063 --> 01:00:01,799
"Deutschland is on the rise again
880
01:00:03,946 --> 01:00:06,727
"Springtime for Hitler
881
01:00:06,795 --> 01:00:09,315
"And Germany
882
01:00:10,859 --> 01:00:13,448
"U-boats are sailing
883
01:00:13,516 --> 01:00:14,503
"Once more
884
01:00:14,570 --> 01:00:15,625
Well!
885
01:00:16,066 --> 01:00:17,898
Talk about bad taste!
886
01:00:17,954 --> 01:00:21,186
"Springtime for Hitler
887
01:00:21,282 --> 01:00:24,196
"And Germany
888
01:00:25,222 --> 01:00:27,236
"Means that
889
01:00:27,331 --> 01:00:28,990
"Soon we'll be going
890
01:00:29,057 --> 01:00:30,687
"We've got to be going
891
01:00:30,754 --> 01:00:34,398
"You know we'll be going
892
01:00:34,465 --> 01:00:39,135
"To war"
893
01:00:55,424 --> 01:00:57,438
Let us repair to the bar across the street.
894
01:00:57,495 --> 01:00:59,451
We don't want to be here during intermission.
895
01:00:59,518 --> 01:01:01,148
They'll stone us to death.
896
01:01:18,934 --> 01:01:20,247
"Man...
897
01:01:21,081 --> 01:01:23,891
"I lieb you. I lieb you, baby. I lieb you!
898
01:01:24,601 --> 01:01:25,846
"Now lieb me alone."
899
01:01:28,531 --> 01:01:29,970
Harry, he's funny.
900
01:01:30,065 --> 01:01:32,117
- Come on!
- Come on!
901
01:01:35,569 --> 01:01:36,911
"If you need me so much...
902
01:01:36,979 --> 01:01:38,733
"...why don't you pay attention to me...
903
01:01:38,800 --> 01:01:40,305
"...you big dictator?"
904
01:01:40,372 --> 01:01:41,647
"You chicks!
905
01:01:41,714 --> 01:01:43,824
"You chicks! You all alike!
906
01:01:43,891 --> 01:01:44,812
"All you think about is...
907
01:01:44,879 --> 01:01:46,700
"...lieben, lieben, lieben, lieben!
908
01:01:47,179 --> 01:01:49,232
"Don't you forget, baby, I took an oath.
909
01:01:49,711 --> 01:01:51,628
"Deutschland �ber alles!"
910
01:01:53,776 --> 01:01:56,269
"So, cool it, while I map out my campaign."
911
01:02:00,583 --> 01:02:02,223
"Gonna crush Poland
912
01:02:03,719 --> 01:02:06,250
"And I'm gonna take over France
913
01:02:08,906 --> 01:02:10,181
"Sieg heil, sieg heil!"
914
01:02:10,987 --> 01:02:14,055
"Then we're gonna take over Poland
915
01:02:14,122 --> 01:02:16,614
"And then I'm a-gonna crush France
916
01:02:17,410 --> 01:02:20,901
"Baby, don't you know, mama
917
01:02:20,968 --> 01:02:23,652
"Then I'm gonna cross that English Channel
918
01:02:24,774 --> 01:02:26,567
"And then I'm gonna kick them cats
919
01:02:26,625 --> 01:02:28,418
"In the pants, pow!"
920
01:02:40,412 --> 01:02:42,723
Did you see the look on that woman's face?
921
01:02:42,780 --> 01:02:44,611
When the guy started to sing...
922
01:02:44,669 --> 01:02:46,299
"Springtime
923
01:02:46,366 --> 01:02:48,063
"For Hitler
924
01:02:48,130 --> 01:02:49,597
"And Germany"
925
01:02:53,633 --> 01:02:57,881
Here's to the one and only performance
of Springtime for Hitler.
926
01:02:58,111 --> 01:02:59,904
May it rest in peace.
927
01:03:05,177 --> 01:03:08,792
Innkeeper! Innkeeper!
Another round of drinks here.
928
01:03:09,847 --> 01:03:11,093
As a matter of fact...
929
01:03:11,160 --> 01:03:13,979
...a round of drinks for everybody in the place.
930
01:03:17,748 --> 01:03:19,223
Just think...
931
01:03:19,320 --> 01:03:22,618
...yesterday,
I was a meaningless little accountant...
932
01:03:22,676 --> 01:03:25,974
...and today I'm the producer of a Broadway flop!
933
01:03:27,824 --> 01:03:29,943
Here's to failure.
934
01:03:30,001 --> 01:03:34,450
- To failure.
- Thank you. It's very kind of you.
935
01:03:45,840 --> 01:03:47,700
"Bitte sch�n, mein F�hrer."
936
01:03:48,688 --> 01:03:51,084
"Man, you're a German!"
937
01:03:52,494 --> 01:03:54,095
"We're all Germans!"
938
01:03:55,601 --> 01:03:56,809
"That's right!
939
01:03:57,585 --> 01:04:00,327
"That means we cannot attack Germany."
940
01:04:03,462 --> 01:04:05,801
"I mean, I got all my friends here, you know?
941
01:04:07,374 --> 01:04:08,966
"And what about me?
942
01:04:09,484 --> 01:04:11,238
"And then there's the country club...
943
01:04:11,305 --> 01:04:12,935
"...and the laughs every night.
944
01:04:13,223 --> 01:04:14,412
"We got to do something.
945
01:04:14,470 --> 01:04:15,687
"I got it!
946
01:04:15,879 --> 01:04:18,822
"I've got it!"
947
01:04:18,889 --> 01:04:19,944
"What have you got?"
948
01:04:20,039 --> 01:04:22,533
"A medal. It fell down my pants, man.
949
01:04:22,821 --> 01:04:24,393
"Get it out, baby.
950
01:04:24,834 --> 01:04:26,474
"Danke sch�n, baby."
951
01:04:26,530 --> 01:04:27,682
"Baby."
952
01:04:28,160 --> 01:04:29,321
"Baby."
953
01:04:29,858 --> 01:04:31,488
Why does he say this "baby"?
954
01:04:31,555 --> 01:04:34,786
The F�hrer has never said "baby."
I did not write "baby."
955
01:04:34,853 --> 01:04:36,646
What is it with this "baby"?
956
01:04:36,704 --> 01:04:38,659
Will you please shut up?
957
01:04:38,717 --> 01:04:41,153
You shut up. You are the audience.
958
01:04:41,248 --> 01:04:43,972
I am the author. I outrank you!
959
01:05:11,592 --> 01:05:13,481
It's intermission! Quick!
960
01:05:13,606 --> 01:05:16,070
Hide your faces. They'll tear us to pieces.
961
01:05:19,658 --> 01:05:22,631
- Give us a couple of Manhattans.
- I'll have a Manhattan.
962
01:05:23,015 --> 01:05:25,317
- Here you go, Frank.
- You getting it? Okay.
963
01:05:25,384 --> 01:05:26,727
Two whiskey sours, please.
964
01:05:27,274 --> 01:05:31,246
So far, that's about one of the funniest things
I've ever seen on Broadway.
965
01:05:31,303 --> 01:05:34,631
- I never laughed so much in my life.
- Absolutely hysterical!
966
01:05:34,726 --> 01:05:37,000
I thought I'd split my sides!
967
01:05:38,698 --> 01:05:40,683
Take it easy. Don't panic.
968
01:05:40,779 --> 01:05:42,506
There are a lot of plays on this street.
969
01:05:42,573 --> 01:05:45,450
They aren't necessarily talking about
Springtime for Hitler.
970
01:05:45,517 --> 01:05:47,982
Would you ever believe
you'd love a show called...
971
01:05:48,040 --> 01:05:49,450
...Springtime for Hitler?
972
01:05:51,560 --> 01:05:52,912
Come on, let's get back!
973
01:05:52,970 --> 01:05:56,173
If the second act is like the first,
this'll run for five years!
974
01:05:56,241 --> 01:05:58,025
"Springtime for Hitler
975
01:05:58,092 --> 01:05:59,723
"And Germany"
976
01:06:02,130 --> 01:06:03,473
Gotta think.
977
01:06:03,915 --> 01:06:05,199
Gotta think.
978
01:06:05,267 --> 01:06:07,502
Mrs. Cathcart, 50 percent.
979
01:06:08,240 --> 01:06:09,967
Mrs. Resnick, 50 percent.
980
01:06:10,542 --> 01:06:11,953
Gotta think.
981
01:06:12,048 --> 01:06:13,611
Mrs. Biddlecomb, 50 percent.
982
01:06:15,280 --> 01:06:17,171
Mrs. Wentworth, 100 percent.
983
01:06:20,719 --> 01:06:23,088
- Leo.
- No way out.
984
01:06:25,390 --> 01:06:26,541
- Leo.
- No way...
985
01:06:26,609 --> 01:06:27,635
Leo.
986
01:06:28,719 --> 01:06:29,745
No way...
987
01:06:30,033 --> 01:06:32,144
Listen, let's go to the theater...
988
01:06:32,210 --> 01:06:33,649
...and see what's really happening.
989
01:06:33,744 --> 01:06:37,332
After all, we only heard from
a small portion of the audience.
990
01:06:37,812 --> 01:06:40,180
Let's hear what the majority thinks.
991
01:06:40,401 --> 01:06:42,578
- The majority?
- The majority.
992
01:06:44,439 --> 01:06:46,550
Let's hear from the majority.
993
01:06:46,713 --> 01:06:48,401
- Where's the majority?
- Majority.
994
01:06:48,467 --> 01:06:50,837
- Let's hear the majority.
- The majority.
995
01:06:50,933 --> 01:06:54,138
- See the majority? Where's the majority?
- The majority.
996
01:07:09,493 --> 01:07:10,902
"One and one is two
997
01:07:10,999 --> 01:07:12,410
"Two and two is four
998
01:07:12,476 --> 01:07:15,191
"I feel so bad 'cause I'm losing the war"
999
01:07:19,996 --> 01:07:21,848
Excuse me. Excuse me.
1000
01:07:21,915 --> 01:07:23,670
The play here is in progress!
1001
01:07:23,737 --> 01:07:26,460
You must be quiet! Swine!
1002
01:07:31,486 --> 01:07:34,365
"Man, we're losing everything! Everything!
1003
01:07:34,423 --> 01:07:36,983
"Where's my Goebbels?
1004
01:07:37,050 --> 01:07:38,815
"Get me my little Joe!"
1005
01:07:38,911 --> 01:07:40,187
"Send for Goebbels!"
1006
01:07:40,254 --> 01:07:42,431
- "Send for Goebbels!"
- "Send for Goebbels!"
1007
01:07:42,489 --> 01:07:44,608
- "Send for Goebbels!"
- "Send for Goebbels!"
1008
01:07:49,788 --> 01:07:50,718
"Heil, baby!"
1009
01:07:50,815 --> 01:07:52,896
"Baby! What's happening?"
1010
01:07:52,953 --> 01:07:55,773
"I just laid the morning propaganda
programs on the people."
1011
01:07:55,840 --> 01:07:58,210
"You're putting me on! What did they say?"
1012
01:07:58,267 --> 01:08:00,636
"I told the people we invaded England!"
1013
01:08:00,703 --> 01:08:03,551
"That's a groove, daddy! How did we come out?"
1014
01:08:03,648 --> 01:08:05,375
"We beat 'em, baby!"
1015
01:08:05,442 --> 01:08:07,619
"Groovy! That's my Joe! That's my little Joe.
1016
01:08:07,677 --> 01:08:09,086
"I love my little Joe.
1017
01:08:10,209 --> 01:08:11,264
"Joseph...
1018
01:08:11,359 --> 01:08:13,892
"...you are smoking
in the presence of the F�hrer."
1019
01:08:14,237 --> 01:08:15,743
"I'm sorry, big daddy."
1020
01:08:18,717 --> 01:08:19,935
"They try.
1021
01:08:20,357 --> 01:08:22,237
"Man, how they try."
1022
01:08:23,301 --> 01:08:24,222
Ja!
1023
01:08:24,319 --> 01:08:28,098
- What can I do for you?
- You will please be unconscious.
1024
01:08:28,605 --> 01:08:33,123
This is an outrage. It must stop.
It makes me so mad what they do.
1025
01:08:33,191 --> 01:08:35,013
Curtain must go down! Down!
1026
01:08:35,781 --> 01:08:37,095
What's happening?
1027
01:08:42,725 --> 01:08:46,917
I am the author of this play!
You are the victims of a hoax!
1028
01:08:46,984 --> 01:08:50,724
These are not my words!
The F�hrer has never said this "baby"!
1029
01:08:50,791 --> 01:08:55,366
The F�hrer was sweet!
The F�hrer was kind! The F�hrer was good!
1030
01:08:56,355 --> 01:08:59,818
He loved me! Often, he would say to me:
1031
01:08:59,875 --> 01:09:00,969
"Franz..."
1032
01:09:31,144 --> 01:09:32,296
Boo-boo?
1033
01:09:32,937 --> 01:09:34,059
Boo-boo?
1034
01:09:36,591 --> 01:09:39,019
- Yeah?
- We make love?
1035
01:09:39,854 --> 01:09:42,481
No. We don't make love.
1036
01:09:42,961 --> 01:09:44,265
Go to work.
1037
01:10:09,424 --> 01:10:10,988
"Congratulations.
1038
01:10:11,506 --> 01:10:13,683
"It's the biggest hit on Broadway."
1039
01:10:15,382 --> 01:10:17,164
"Congratulations.
1040
01:10:17,232 --> 01:10:19,122
"Hitler will run forever."
1041
01:10:20,886 --> 01:10:22,422
"Congratulations."
1042
01:10:26,929 --> 01:10:29,681
Congratulations!
1043
01:10:29,749 --> 01:10:34,228
Have you seen the lines at the box office?
It's a torrent! It's an avalanche!
1044
01:10:34,295 --> 01:10:36,530
It's the biggest hit on Broadway!
1045
01:10:36,598 --> 01:10:39,255
You lousy fruit! You ruined me!
1046
01:10:41,173 --> 01:10:44,118
You're crazy! He's gonna kill me! Call the police!
1047
01:10:44,213 --> 01:10:46,870
Help! Murder! Rape!
1048
01:10:50,804 --> 01:10:54,073
Don't let anybody in. Got to think.
1049
01:10:54,802 --> 01:10:56,117
I got to think.
1050
01:11:00,443 --> 01:11:01,911
How could this happen?
1051
01:11:03,196 --> 01:11:06,332
I was so careful. I picked the wrong play...
1052
01:11:07,252 --> 01:11:09,622
...the wrong director, the wrong cast.
1053
01:11:10,390 --> 01:11:12,126
Where did I go right?
1054
01:11:17,661 --> 01:11:18,974
What are you doing?
1055
01:11:19,031 --> 01:11:20,988
Don't try to stop me. I've made up my mind.
1056
01:11:21,046 --> 01:11:24,662
- What are you doing with the books?
- I'm turning myself in. It's the only way.
1057
01:11:24,729 --> 01:11:26,073
I'll cooperate with the police.
1058
01:11:26,140 --> 01:11:28,671
They'll reduce my sentence,
time off for good behavior.
1059
01:11:28,729 --> 01:11:31,328
Maybe I'll get a job in the prison library. So long.
1060
01:11:31,386 --> 01:11:32,604
Leo!
1061
01:11:34,848 --> 01:11:39,002
Take it easy. Relax. You're overwrought.
You don't know what you're doing.
1062
01:11:39,069 --> 01:11:41,601
You're acting out of panic. Give me those books!
1063
01:11:41,659 --> 01:11:45,467
- I never should have listened to you!
- I never should have listened to you!
1064
01:11:45,563 --> 01:11:48,478
- How I hate you!
- Double, double, double!
1065
01:11:56,123 --> 01:11:58,013
Fat! Fat!
1066
01:12:00,190 --> 01:12:01,312
You fatty!
1067
01:12:01,887 --> 01:12:03,874
Give me those books, you fat walrus!
1068
01:12:03,940 --> 01:12:06,204
- Never!
- Give 'em quick!
1069
01:12:06,406 --> 01:12:10,049
- You fat fatty, give me those fat books!
- No!
1070
01:12:13,186 --> 01:12:16,610
You have broken the sacred oath! You must die!
1071
01:12:24,351 --> 01:12:26,145
This is not good here.
1072
01:12:26,567 --> 01:12:28,294
I am not killing you.
1073
01:12:28,514 --> 01:12:31,267
Don't you understand? You must die.
1074
01:12:31,583 --> 01:12:33,128
Will you cooperate?
1075
01:12:34,183 --> 01:12:35,718
- Come in!
- Come in!
1076
01:12:36,801 --> 01:12:39,017
I hear noise. You call?
1077
01:12:39,717 --> 01:12:41,032
Where are...
1078
01:12:43,458 --> 01:12:44,456
Boo!
1079
01:12:45,097 --> 01:12:46,375
I see you.
1080
01:12:47,016 --> 01:12:49,031
You like something? Coffee?
1081
01:12:49,539 --> 01:12:50,690
Coffee.
1082
01:12:51,372 --> 01:12:53,443
Yes! Good idea.
1083
01:12:53,961 --> 01:12:56,263
Ask the gentleman with the gun...
1084
01:12:57,894 --> 01:13:01,864
...the gentleman who is shooting at us
and trying to kill us...
1085
01:13:02,152 --> 01:13:03,658
...what he will have.
1086
01:13:06,508 --> 01:13:08,330
You like coffee?
1087
01:13:09,452 --> 01:13:12,204
Kaffee? Ja. Black, two sugars.
1088
01:13:12,713 --> 01:13:16,329
Two regular, one black, two sugar.
1089
01:13:24,425 --> 01:13:27,819
- Champagne?
- No, thanks. I have just ordered Kaffee.
1090
01:13:32,366 --> 01:13:35,339
Are you coming out
from behind this desk or not?
1091
01:13:35,406 --> 01:13:37,584
- Not!
- Cowards!
1092
01:13:37,776 --> 01:13:40,174
Miserable, cringing cowards!
1093
01:13:40,941 --> 01:13:43,531
Clinging to life! Watch!
1094
01:13:44,298 --> 01:13:45,968
Watch and remember!
1095
01:13:46,544 --> 01:13:49,680
Franz Liebkind
will show you how to die like a man!
1096
01:13:57,870 --> 01:13:58,830
Please, sing.
1097
01:14:00,691 --> 01:14:02,897
Soon I will be with mein F�hrer.
1098
01:14:02,992 --> 01:14:05,237
And G�ring! And Goebbels!
1099
01:14:05,650 --> 01:14:07,088
And Himmler!
1100
01:14:07,156 --> 01:14:09,621
I'm coming, boys!
1101
01:14:13,266 --> 01:14:15,827
Boy, when things go wrong...
1102
01:14:20,921 --> 01:14:25,169
Wasted a whole day
playing hide-and-seek with a crazy kraut!
1103
01:14:28,210 --> 01:14:31,346
- There, there.
- Where? Where?
1104
01:14:32,439 --> 01:14:34,904
You crazy lunatic,
what are you shooting at us for?
1105
01:14:34,962 --> 01:14:37,082
Why don't you use this where it'll do some good?
1106
01:14:37,139 --> 01:14:39,029
Why don't you shoot at the actors?
1107
01:14:42,290 --> 01:14:43,480
Franz...
1108
01:14:44,055 --> 01:14:45,945
Have I ever steered you wrong?
1109
01:14:46,300 --> 01:14:49,273
- Always.
- Never mind. Listen.
1110
01:14:50,012 --> 01:14:53,657
Every night, people are laughing
at your beloved F�hrer. Why?
1111
01:14:53,916 --> 01:14:56,534
It is that LSD.
1112
01:14:56,917 --> 01:14:58,903
Und his verdammte "babies"!
1113
01:15:01,148 --> 01:15:02,462
Here!
1114
01:15:03,257 --> 01:15:04,600
Buy bullets.
1115
01:15:05,013 --> 01:15:06,491
Go. Kill.
1116
01:15:07,095 --> 01:15:09,435
- Kill the actors.
- What?
1117
01:15:09,502 --> 01:15:11,996
- Shut up!
- The actors.
1118
01:15:12,255 --> 01:15:14,078
I must destroy the actors.
1119
01:15:15,200 --> 01:15:17,942
Stop! This is insanity! Have you lost your mind?
1120
01:15:18,009 --> 01:15:20,599
How can you kill the actors? What do you mean?
1121
01:15:20,666 --> 01:15:22,719
Actors are not animals. They're human beings.
1122
01:15:22,776 --> 01:15:26,585
They are? Have you ever eaten with one?
Go! Go, kill! Forward!
1123
01:15:27,544 --> 01:15:30,239
- No!
- Make up your minds!
1124
01:15:30,911 --> 01:15:33,856
What are you doing? We're trapped!
It's either the show or us!
1125
01:15:33,914 --> 01:15:37,471
There's no way out!
What can we do, blow up the theater?
1126
01:15:52,990 --> 01:15:54,210
Dynamite.
1127
01:15:54,688 --> 01:15:55,907
Dynamite.
1128
01:16:00,549 --> 01:16:02,659
- Fuse.
- Fuse.
1129
01:16:11,072 --> 01:16:13,508
And now for the master connection.
1130
01:16:54,503 --> 01:16:56,872
Don't shoot! It's the dynamite.
1131
01:16:56,939 --> 01:17:00,421
If you shoot it,
it will get mad at us and blow us all up.
1132
01:17:00,776 --> 01:17:04,651
That is good thinking.
I will put this dynamite back.
1133
01:17:04,718 --> 01:17:05,773
Good.
1134
01:17:07,403 --> 01:17:10,348
Next time I produce a play, no author.
1135
01:17:15,086 --> 01:17:16,842
- Max?
- What is it?
1136
01:17:17,456 --> 01:17:19,182
- Max?
- What?
1137
01:17:19,240 --> 01:17:21,964
Remember yesterday
in the office when we were fighting?
1138
01:17:22,032 --> 01:17:22,990
So?
1139
01:17:23,690 --> 01:17:26,607
I'm sorry I called you "fat, fat, fat."
1140
01:17:34,127 --> 01:17:35,632
Gentlemen.
1141
01:17:35,987 --> 01:17:39,277
We have here a technical problem.
1142
01:17:39,603 --> 01:17:43,987
I do not know whether this little devil here
is the quick fuse...
1143
01:17:44,045 --> 01:17:45,617
...or the slow fuse.
1144
01:17:45,972 --> 01:17:48,015
I must find this out.
1145
01:17:59,315 --> 01:18:00,878
This is critical.
1146
01:18:12,216 --> 01:18:13,653
Ja, ja. You see this?
1147
01:18:13,711 --> 01:18:16,502
You see this? Hear what I have told you?
1148
01:18:16,561 --> 01:18:19,639
Ja. This is an example of smartness here.
1149
01:18:19,697 --> 01:18:24,051
I have said that this is the quick fuse,
and this is the quick fuse.
1150
01:18:25,077 --> 01:18:26,296
The quick fuse!
1151
01:18:44,693 --> 01:18:46,362
Has the jury reached a verdict?
1152
01:18:47,829 --> 01:18:50,265
- We have, your honor.
- How does the jury find?
1153
01:18:51,032 --> 01:18:53,881
We find the defendants incredibly guilty.
1154
01:18:54,140 --> 01:18:56,922
Do the defendants
have anything to say in their behalf...
1155
01:18:56,989 --> 01:18:59,224
...before the court pronounces sentence?
1156
01:19:00,606 --> 01:19:03,166
I would like to say something, your honor.
1157
01:19:03,224 --> 01:19:06,840
Not on my behalf, but in reference
to my partner, Mr. Bialystock.
1158
01:19:07,550 --> 01:19:08,700
Proceed.
1159
01:19:09,016 --> 01:19:10,427
Your honor...
1160
01:19:11,070 --> 01:19:13,084
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury...
1161
01:19:14,456 --> 01:19:17,919
Max Bialystock is the most...
1162
01:19:19,712 --> 01:19:22,877
...selfish man I ever met in my life.
1163
01:19:23,357 --> 01:19:24,768
Don't help me.
1164
01:19:24,988 --> 01:19:26,878
Not only is he a liar...
1165
01:19:27,904 --> 01:19:29,343
...and a cheat...
1166
01:19:30,618 --> 01:19:33,658
...and a scoundrel and a crook...
1167
01:19:34,272 --> 01:19:37,313
...who has taken money from little old ladies...
1168
01:19:37,889 --> 01:19:41,092
...but he's also talked people into doing things...
1169
01:19:41,149 --> 01:19:42,627
...especially me...
1170
01:19:43,748 --> 01:19:47,749
...that they would never in a thousand years
have dreamed of doing.
1171
01:19:49,091 --> 01:19:50,693
But, your honor...
1172
01:19:51,681 --> 01:19:53,408
...as I understand it...
1173
01:19:54,501 --> 01:19:56,928
...the law was created...
1174
01:19:57,762 --> 01:20:01,186
...to protect people from being wronged.
1175
01:20:03,240 --> 01:20:04,640
Your honor...
1176
01:20:05,503 --> 01:20:09,349
...whom has Max Bialystock wronged?
1177
01:20:09,992 --> 01:20:11,143
I mean...
1178
01:20:11,718 --> 01:20:13,608
...whom has he really hurt?
1179
01:20:13,829 --> 01:20:14,980
Not me.
1180
01:20:16,322 --> 01:20:17,445
Not me.
1181
01:20:17,800 --> 01:20:18,950
I was...
1182
01:20:21,349 --> 01:20:22,663
This man...
1183
01:20:25,320 --> 01:20:27,555
No one ever called me Leo before.
1184
01:20:28,331 --> 01:20:30,375
I know it's not a big legal point...
1185
01:20:30,758 --> 01:20:34,470
...but even in kindergarten,
they used to call me Bloom.
1186
01:20:35,305 --> 01:20:36,963
I never sang a song before.
1187
01:20:37,060 --> 01:20:38,086
I mean with someone else.
1188
01:20:38,182 --> 01:20:40,360
I never sang a song with someone else before.
1189
01:20:41,318 --> 01:20:42,633
This man...
1190
01:20:44,004 --> 01:20:45,318
This man...
1191
01:20:46,440 --> 01:20:48,330
This is a wonderful man.
1192
01:20:49,990 --> 01:20:52,013
He made me what I am today.
1193
01:20:53,069 --> 01:20:54,219
He did.
1194
01:20:56,780 --> 01:20:58,603
And what of the dear ladies?
1195
01:20:59,725 --> 01:21:03,082
What would their lives have been
without Max Bialystock?
1196
01:21:04,587 --> 01:21:06,123
Max Bialystock...
1197
01:21:07,274 --> 01:21:09,806
...who made them feel young...
1198
01:21:10,862 --> 01:21:12,751
...and attractive...
1199
01:21:13,643 --> 01:21:15,216
...and wanted again?
1200
01:21:19,119 --> 01:21:21,230
That's all that I have to say.
1201
01:21:26,351 --> 01:21:27,762
Order. Order.
1202
01:21:31,598 --> 01:21:35,377
And may I humbly add, your honor,
that we've learned our lesson...
1203
01:21:35,445 --> 01:21:37,459
...and that we'll never do it again.
1204
01:21:45,583 --> 01:21:47,694
"Prisoners of love
1205
01:21:47,760 --> 01:21:49,458
"Blue skies above
1206
01:21:49,775 --> 01:21:52,499
"Can't keep our hearts in jail"
1207
01:21:59,031 --> 01:22:00,853
No!
1208
01:22:01,524 --> 01:22:04,114
Now, come on, guys, let's put a little life in it.
1209
01:22:06,800 --> 01:22:08,373
"Prisoners of love
1210
01:22:08,920 --> 01:22:10,810
"Blue skies above
1211
01:22:11,193 --> 01:22:14,838
"Can't keep our hearts in jail
1212
01:22:15,443 --> 01:22:17,331
"Prisoners of love..."
1213
01:22:18,550 --> 01:22:21,111
You now own 20 percent of Prisoners of Love.
1214
01:22:21,178 --> 01:22:22,579
Congratulations. Yes, sir?
1215
01:22:28,852 --> 01:22:30,904
You now own 30 percent of Prisoners of Love.
1216
01:22:30,971 --> 01:22:32,890
Congratulations. Yes, sir?
1217
01:22:34,491 --> 01:22:36,150
The warden would like to make...
1218
01:22:36,218 --> 01:22:38,712
...a little investment in your production.
1219
01:22:44,218 --> 01:22:46,299
Tell him he owns 50 percent of the show.
1220
01:22:46,366 --> 01:22:47,929
- Thanks!
- My pleasure.
1221
01:22:48,026 --> 01:22:49,819
From the top, Franz, once more.
1222
01:22:52,927 --> 01:22:54,940
"Prisoners of love
1223
01:22:54,998 --> 01:22:56,831
"Blue skies above
1224
01:22:57,175 --> 01:22:59,133
"Can't keep our hearts in jail
1225
01:22:59,228 --> 01:23:00,927
Sing it out, men!
1226
01:23:01,406 --> 01:23:02,653
"Prisoners of love
1227
01:23:02,721 --> 01:23:04,887
Higher, you animals, higher!
1228
01:23:04,955 --> 01:23:07,641
We open in Leavenworth Saturday night!
1229
01:23:08,763 --> 01:23:11,065
"You can lock us up
1230
01:23:11,132 --> 01:23:12,926
"And lose the key
1231
01:23:13,214 --> 01:23:16,896
"But hearts in love are always free
1232
01:23:17,761 --> 01:23:19,649
"Prisoners of love
1233
01:23:19,707 --> 01:23:21,501
"Blue skies above
1234
01:23:21,568 --> 01:23:24,895
"'cause we're still prisoners of love
1235
01:23:25,213 --> 01:23:28,992
"You can lock us up and lose the key
1236
01:23:29,087 --> 01:23:31,169
"But hearts in love
1237
01:23:31,236 --> 01:23:32,925
"Will always be
1238
01:23:36,099 --> 01:23:38,468
"Prisoners of love
1239
01:23:41,537 --> 01:23:43,744
"Blue skies above
1240
01:23:43,878 --> 01:23:45,921
"'cause we're still prisoners
1241
01:23:46,018 --> 01:23:47,782
"We're still prisoners
1242
01:23:47,840 --> 01:23:52,577
"We're still prisoners of love"
1243
01:23:53,762 --> 01:24:53,842
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