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- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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- ♪ Save ♪
- _
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00:00:11,529 --> 00:00:13,596
- ♪ The ♪
- _
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00:00:13,621 --> 00:00:16,221
- ♪ Right ♪
- _
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00:00:16,544 --> 00:00:18,778
It was the summer of 2019.
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00:00:19,057 --> 00:00:21,157
We conservatives had been forced
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00:00:21,182 --> 00:00:23,149
- to the margins of society.
- _
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00:00:23,174 --> 00:00:26,240
Why is Facebook censoring
conservative bloggers
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00:00:26,265 --> 00:00:27,832
- such as Diamond and Silk?
- _
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00:00:27,857 --> 00:00:30,832
We barely controlled three
branches of government
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- and could only show our faces
- _
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00:00:32,526 --> 00:00:35,126
- at exclusive luxury beach resorts.
- _
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00:00:35,152 --> 00:00:37,014
Many by now have heard that I was asked
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to leave a restaurant this weekend
15
00:00:38,432 --> 00:00:40,399
where I attempted to have
dinner with my family.
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But one day, a humble,
powerless president
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00:00:44,474 --> 00:00:47,641
stood up and said, "No more".
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Aah! Climate change is a hoax!
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00:00:56,883 --> 00:01:00,484
This new legislation will
assure election integrity
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00:01:00,509 --> 00:01:03,781
by mandating that all of
Atlanta share one ballot
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00:01:03,806 --> 00:01:06,106
and you can only vote if you
just left Clint Eastwood's
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latest "white resentment" blockbuster.
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00:01:08,356 --> 00:01:11,272
And before you accuse me
of limiting minority access
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00:01:11,297 --> 00:01:13,417
to the polls, listen
to this cabinet member
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I selected for no particular reason.
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I'm cool with it.
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00:01:16,725 --> 00:01:19,871
Oh-kay, Ben, as long as
you're cool with it.
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And to my supporters, harass
anyone who opposes this bill!
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00:01:23,721 --> 00:01:26,522
Not that anyone will,
because Ben said it's fine.
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00:01:26,847 --> 00:01:29,087
I'm Rachel Maddow, and
it's not a manic episode
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if it's been going on for three years.
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Tonight, we're talking
about the President's
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new voting-rights bill with
Senator Elizabeth Warren.
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This law will disproportionately
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affect Democrats and
minorities like me...
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a-and when I said "me"
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I was referring to the Democrat part...
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Oh, shit!
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Dad, why are all these people
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00:01:46,815 --> 00:01:49,343
treating you like a loser
inner-city kindergarten teacher?
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00:01:49,368 --> 00:01:51,447
Boys, you're old enough to know
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00:01:51,472 --> 00:01:54,948
about the deep generational
wound America has yet to heal...
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00:01:54,973 --> 00:01:57,248
bigotry against conservatives.
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00:01:57,273 --> 00:02:01,108
I first experienced it in 2011.
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00:02:01,322 --> 00:02:03,824
I was just trying to keep my head down
46
00:02:03,848 --> 00:02:05,447
and not ruffle feathers.
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00:02:05,472 --> 00:02:07,347
- Barack Obama was born in Kenya,
- _
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00:02:07,372 --> 00:02:09,438
Mohamed Atta was his college roommate,
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00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:12,551
and I once talked Michelle
out of strangling a bald eagle.
50
00:02:12,576 --> 00:02:15,325
But Obama just couldn't
let me live my life.
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00:02:15,350 --> 00:02:18,170
Uh, as you can see in my
long-form birth certificate,
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00:02:18,195 --> 00:02:19,510
I was born in America,
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contrary to Mr. Trump's assertion.
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00:02:21,128 --> 00:02:22,595
He was merciless.
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00:02:23,166 --> 00:02:24,611
He made me feel like I was not
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00:02:24,635 --> 00:02:26,491
a rightful citizen of this country!
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00:02:26,516 --> 00:02:29,476
But conservatives contribute
so much to society.
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00:02:29,501 --> 00:02:33,216
Arts, sciences, education... we
gutted all that boring shit!
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00:02:33,241 --> 00:02:35,775
I just wish I showed
courage and fought back.
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00:02:35,922 --> 00:02:38,849
I've regretted it even more
than telling that waitress,
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00:02:38,874 --> 00:02:40,602
"We're all set on breadsticks."
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00:02:40,627 --> 00:02:43,996
I'm worried. Should I
finally move to Wichita
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00:02:44,021 --> 00:02:46,467
and just open that
Halloween costume store?
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Yes, yes, absolutely yes.
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Your bags are in an idling car outside.
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As for the rest of us,
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let's pray that tomorrow's a better day.
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♪ Why ♪
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♪ We ♪
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♪ Fight ♪
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Good morning, everyone, from New York.
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We're learning the news along with you.
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00:03:08,710 --> 00:03:11,141
- Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram
- _
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00:03:11,166 --> 00:03:14,091
have handed down a week-long suspension
75
00:03:14,116 --> 00:03:15,615
to a dozen conservatives.
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00:03:15,640 --> 00:03:17,044
- Aah!
- And for what?
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00:03:17,069 --> 00:03:20,071
Simply sending credible death
threats to Trump critics.
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00:03:20,096 --> 00:03:23,071
This is a worse violation
of rights than Jim Crow,
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00:03:23,096 --> 00:03:25,805
which I'm absolutely sure I
would have marched against.
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00:03:25,830 --> 00:03:27,665
One of the suspended accounts
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00:03:27,690 --> 00:03:29,900
belonged to noted
conservative and pundit
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00:03:29,925 --> 00:03:33,267
who says he's not racist but
sure says "Detroit" a lot,
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00:03:33,292 --> 00:03:35,111
Ben Shapiro, seen here.
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00:03:35,136 --> 00:03:36,628
- Reparations make no sense
- _
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00:03:36,653 --> 00:03:39,096
since Obama marked the
end of racism, full-stop.
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00:03:39,121 --> 00:03:41,285
Poor people are not entitled
to rich people's money,
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00:03:41,309 --> 00:03:42,750
which they inherited fair and square.
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00:03:42,774 --> 00:03:45,909
Now, that's a weird, sexless
leader I want on my team.
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00:03:45,934 --> 00:03:48,668
Also suspended... Donald Trump Jr.
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What cruel god would allow this?
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I'm just a little kid!
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It's only a matter of
time before they find out
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that I also tweet.
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00:03:58,759 --> 00:04:00,579
The left is ferocious!
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00:04:00,604 --> 00:04:04,083
They won't stop until we show
an inkling of self-reflection.
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00:04:04,108 --> 00:04:05,109
Tell 'em, Ben.
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00:04:05,134 --> 00:04:06,909
We must lead conservatives
out of the shadows.
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00:04:06,933 --> 00:04:08,669
We can't even go on a bus anymore
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00:04:08,694 --> 00:04:10,984
without staring at a Muslim
guy and missing our stop!
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00:04:11,009 --> 00:04:13,725
We must protect our
right to chant "MAGA"
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00:04:13,750 --> 00:04:16,056
on a cross-country
flight without harassment.
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00:04:16,081 --> 00:04:19,540
Everywhere I go, people spit in my face
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00:04:19,565 --> 00:04:22,142
and handcuff my right
wrist to my left ankle,
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00:04:22,167 --> 00:04:25,478
and I'm pretty sure it's
because I'm a conservative!
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00:04:25,503 --> 00:04:28,130
I agree with Ben Shapiro,
Stephen Miller, and Ted Cruz.
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00:04:28,155 --> 00:04:29,505
Hold your horses.
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00:04:29,530 --> 00:04:32,462
Susan Collins is all for taking a stand,
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00:04:32,487 --> 00:04:35,922
but not if it means
facing any consequences.
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00:04:35,947 --> 00:04:37,806
Gotta say, I agree with Collins.
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00:04:37,831 --> 00:04:40,609
- You can't agree with both sides, Pompeo.
- I agree.
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But where will the persecution end?
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00:04:42,859 --> 00:04:44,458
Today, it's our Twitter accounts.
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00:04:44,483 --> 00:04:46,992
Tomorrow, it's our Yahoo!
accounts we only use
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00:04:47,017 --> 00:04:48,711
for politically incorrect chain letters.
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00:04:48,736 --> 00:04:50,474
Will we ever laugh again?!
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00:04:50,499 --> 00:04:51,987
If you ever need a chuckle,
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00:04:52,012 --> 00:04:54,278
you can always kick
Pompeo in the gonads.
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00:04:54,303 --> 00:04:55,369
That goes for all of you.
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00:04:55,394 --> 00:04:56,915
Sorry to interject,
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00:04:56,940 --> 00:04:59,458
but aren't we the most
powerful people on the planet?
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My name's on the money.
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00:05:01,287 --> 00:05:04,632
If we're so powerful,
how come we're so whiny?!
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00:05:04,657 --> 00:05:07,669
Mr. President, I support
everything you do,
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00:05:07,694 --> 00:05:09,494
including when you
installed a pinball machine
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00:05:09,519 --> 00:05:10,858
on John McCain's grave,
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00:05:10,883 --> 00:05:13,652
but how do we overthrow
an oppressive system
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when our house is divided?!
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Shut up!
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If there's one thing we can agree on,
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00:05:23,713 --> 00:05:25,662
it's we must kick Pompeo's gonads.
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- Yeah!
- Yes!
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Great! Now line up.
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00:05:30,106 --> 00:05:32,870
Just ask Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi
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00:05:32,895 --> 00:05:34,543
to get my account reinstated!
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00:05:34,568 --> 00:05:38,236
They're basically tech lobbyists
who do politics as a fun hobby.
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00:05:38,261 --> 00:05:40,708
They won't listen to
a conservative like me.
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00:05:40,733 --> 00:05:42,216
They don't think of me as a person,
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00:05:42,241 --> 00:05:44,205
especially after I wore ripped shorts
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00:05:44,230 --> 00:05:45,989
and walked on all
fours to mess with them.
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00:05:46,014 --> 00:05:49,624
Dad, I consider myself an
alpha male with rhinoceros skin,
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00:05:49,649 --> 00:05:52,179
but right now this lil'
dinosaur needs some help.
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00:05:52,204 --> 00:05:53,670
I've never helped anyone,
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00:05:53,695 --> 00:05:56,483
and I'm not about to lose
my H-Card with you.
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00:05:58,700 --> 00:06:00,020
Why are you so upset?
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00:06:00,045 --> 00:06:03,243
Is it because you can't harass
Parkland kids while we bone?
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00:06:03,268 --> 00:06:05,825
When you're in your forties
and still growing up,
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00:06:05,850 --> 00:06:07,995
your dad is supposed
to be there for you.
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00:06:08,020 --> 00:06:09,496
Ah, you're getting so emotional!
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00:06:09,521 --> 00:06:11,365
Are you about to ask me
to marry you in an opulent,
150
00:06:11,389 --> 00:06:12,701
Cleopatra-themed wedding this weekend
151
00:06:12,725 --> 00:06:14,001
at the Fontainebleau Miami?
152
00:06:14,026 --> 00:06:15,458
Because I booked it, just in case.
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00:06:15,483 --> 00:06:17,104
I am not emotional!
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00:06:17,129 --> 00:06:19,129
I'm just gonna be a big strong man
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00:06:19,154 --> 00:06:22,175
and ask Chuck and Nancy
to fix this problem for me!
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00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:24,043
My crack is sober...
you know what to do.
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00:06:24,068 --> 00:06:26,200
One beer down the crack, coming up.
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00:06:26,795 --> 00:06:28,995
The oppression of conservatives
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00:06:29,020 --> 00:06:30,717
is becoming too much to bear.
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00:06:30,742 --> 00:06:32,509
Uh, no Doy!
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00:06:32,534 --> 00:06:34,332
After my confirmation hearing,
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00:06:34,357 --> 00:06:37,018
I couldn't show my face
at O'Shittery's Beer Dump
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00:06:37,043 --> 00:06:39,010
for three whole Thirsty Thursdays!
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00:06:39,035 --> 00:06:41,660
If only there was a way to
throw a big enough tantrum
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that this nation gives us what
we want just to shut us up.
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00:06:44,922 --> 00:06:47,023
Oh, but there is...
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00:06:47,425 --> 00:06:50,103
What's this a photo of...
a bag of congealed oatmeal?
168
00:06:50,128 --> 00:06:51,861
It's me havin' a good cry!
169
00:06:51,886 --> 00:06:55,107
Do the same until the tears
make such a huge puddle,
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00:06:55,132 --> 00:06:57,709
it won't be clear if it's tears or pee.
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00:06:57,734 --> 00:06:59,236
Everyone will be afraid to ask,
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00:06:59,261 --> 00:07:01,791
so they'll just take whiffs
to see if they can smell pee.
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00:07:01,816 --> 00:07:05,151
Once they're sure it's not
pee, they'll be so grateful,
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00:07:05,176 --> 00:07:07,633
you'll get exactly
what you want from them.
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00:07:07,658 --> 00:07:09,820
You're overselling it. I'll do it!
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00:07:09,845 --> 00:07:13,259
This country will finally
become a safe space
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00:07:13,284 --> 00:07:16,385
for everyone who whines
about safe spaces.
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00:07:24,805 --> 00:07:28,340
The doctors say his gonads
have a long road ahead for them,
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00:07:28,365 --> 00:07:30,676
so let's hear some love for Pompeo.
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00:07:30,701 --> 00:07:32,310
Keep it up, slugger!
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00:07:32,335 --> 00:07:34,364
Doctor said he's never
seen anything like it.
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00:07:34,389 --> 00:07:36,963
And a heads up that Ben Shapiro and I
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00:07:36,988 --> 00:07:39,568
are leading a movement for
equal rights for conservatives.
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00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:41,653
- Whoa!
- You're moving too fast!
185
00:07:41,678 --> 00:07:43,488
Society's not ready for this!
186
00:07:43,513 --> 00:07:45,725
For too long, conservatives
have been in the shadows,
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00:07:45,750 --> 00:07:49,094
and it's time to show America
that we won't stand for it.
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00:07:49,119 --> 00:07:51,891
Uh, we have all the
money and all the power.
189
00:07:51,916 --> 00:07:55,100
The only movement I'm for is
to save Pompeo's baby maker.
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00:07:55,125 --> 00:07:56,925
The doctor said that's not in the cards.
191
00:07:57,574 --> 00:07:59,006
The stories of oppression
192
00:07:59,031 --> 00:08:00,604
you're about to hear are harrowing.
193
00:08:00,629 --> 00:08:01,909
I hope you didn't eat breakfast.
194
00:08:01,934 --> 00:08:04,042
To be honest, once breakfast
is put in front of me,
195
00:08:04,066 --> 00:08:06,143
I kind of black out,
and next thing you know,
196
00:08:06,168 --> 00:08:08,068
I have to change my shirt.
197
00:08:08,454 --> 00:08:09,720
I was supposed to speak
198
00:08:09,745 --> 00:08:11,666
at University of California, Berkeley,
199
00:08:11,691 --> 00:08:13,985
about why white people
deserve reparations
200
00:08:14,010 --> 00:08:17,354
for all the times we had to
feel guilty about being white,
201
00:08:17,379 --> 00:08:18,989
and I was run off campus!
202
00:08:20,543 --> 00:08:23,015
YouTube refused to host my videos
203
00:08:23,040 --> 00:08:25,632
just because I said all
school shooting victims
204
00:08:25,657 --> 00:08:28,165
were portrayed by Oscar-winning
actress Brie Larson
205
00:08:28,190 --> 00:08:30,190
in the performance of a lifetime!
206
00:08:30,425 --> 00:08:31,691
I just wanna hug him.
207
00:08:32,027 --> 00:08:34,407
So, I'm sprintin' down a dark freeway
208
00:08:34,432 --> 00:08:36,198
wearing only what God gave me,
209
00:08:36,223 --> 00:08:39,917
and a legion of bikers is
bearin' down on me so close
210
00:08:39,942 --> 00:08:42,909
that their side mirrors
are knockin' my funny bones.
211
00:08:42,934 --> 00:08:45,728
One of the angrier
fellas who had a toddler
212
00:08:45,753 --> 00:08:48,709
smokin' a cigarette
balanced on his handlebars
213
00:08:48,734 --> 00:08:51,688
must've put out a call
because, next thing I know,
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00:08:51,713 --> 00:08:55,289
green glass bottles are
rainin' down from the overpass
215
00:08:55,314 --> 00:08:57,327
on every side, and I'm thinking,
216
00:08:57,352 --> 00:09:00,029
"Does this road ever go downhill?!"
217
00:09:00,054 --> 00:09:03,099
Wow! All for being a conservative.
218
00:09:03,124 --> 00:09:05,230
Maybe, but more likely I'd say
219
00:09:05,255 --> 00:09:08,622
any one of the nine
things I did that night.
220
00:09:08,647 --> 00:09:10,580
There's a line around the White House
221
00:09:10,605 --> 00:09:12,490
of conservatives ready to complain.
222
00:09:12,515 --> 00:09:14,649
How did it get this bad?
223
00:09:14,856 --> 00:09:16,202
Somewhere along the way,
224
00:09:16,226 --> 00:09:18,674
it became okay to
discriminate based on the color
225
00:09:18,699 --> 00:09:20,866
you paint your face
at fraternity parties.
226
00:09:23,157 --> 00:09:25,254
Well, would you look at this!
227
00:09:25,279 --> 00:09:27,846
Donald Trump Jr. in my office.
228
00:09:27,871 --> 00:09:30,926
This must be some kind of trick,
so I got the twins ready...
229
00:09:30,951 --> 00:09:32,512
Julian and Joaquin.
230
00:09:32,537 --> 00:09:34,330
I'm not here to wrestle for dominance.
231
00:09:34,355 --> 00:09:36,299
I'm here to ask for help
getting my Twitter back
232
00:09:36,324 --> 00:09:38,539
before some kid thinks he
can protest climate change
233
00:09:38,564 --> 00:09:41,565
without his sexual
orientation being questioned.
234
00:09:41,862 --> 00:09:42,862
Sure. Why not?
235
00:09:42,996 --> 00:09:44,520
Wait. You're just gonna help me?
236
00:09:44,545 --> 00:09:46,275
Whenever my dad does me a favor,
237
00:09:46,300 --> 00:09:48,844
he increases the licensing
fee on my own last name.
238
00:09:48,869 --> 00:09:50,478
Sometimes you tweet a picture
239
00:09:50,503 --> 00:09:52,527
of Ocasio-Cortez with devil horns...
240
00:09:52,552 --> 00:09:55,083
And we just laugh and laugh...
241
00:09:55,108 --> 00:09:56,915
Well, great seeing you.
242
00:09:56,940 --> 00:10:00,374
Tell your father we have a
budget resolution to cave on.
243
00:10:00,573 --> 00:10:02,871
Don, why aren't you leaving?
244
00:10:02,896 --> 00:10:05,979
Sorry. It's just, you guys
not treating me like ass...
245
00:10:06,004 --> 00:10:08,363
I'm not used to that
kind of parental warmth.
246
00:10:08,388 --> 00:10:10,765
Hey, you guys wanna
get ice cream?! Yeah!
247
00:10:10,790 --> 00:10:12,790
Nancy, Chuck, come on!
248
00:10:14,294 --> 00:10:16,103
One of the most effective tactics
249
00:10:16,128 --> 00:10:18,539
in any civil-rights movement
is the non-violent protest
250
00:10:18,564 --> 00:10:20,374
that shocks the nation
out of complacency.
251
00:10:20,399 --> 00:10:22,009
That's where you come in, Stevie.
252
00:10:22,034 --> 00:10:23,811
We need you to step
onto a liberal campus
253
00:10:23,836 --> 00:10:24,836
and get your ass kicked.
254
00:10:24,861 --> 00:10:26,538
And for your efforts, we offer you...
255
00:10:26,563 --> 00:10:28,515
Nothing necessary. I live for this.
256
00:10:28,540 --> 00:10:29,818
Good, because that was the offer.
257
00:10:29,842 --> 00:10:31,152
But what if my natural charm
258
00:10:31,177 --> 00:10:33,487
makes Antifa refuse to attack me?
259
00:10:33,512 --> 00:10:35,029
Then just make up a story.
260
00:10:35,061 --> 00:10:37,325
Keep it simple so no
one pokes holes in it.
261
00:10:37,350 --> 00:10:39,616
- So then the seven-foot art-history major
- _
262
00:10:39,641 --> 00:10:41,680
raised his battle Axe and roared,
263
00:10:41,705 --> 00:10:44,922
"Name thyself, conservative
who hath dared pass hither!"
264
00:10:44,947 --> 00:10:48,952
I replied, "Lo, I am an
innocent carpenter's apprentice
265
00:10:48,977 --> 00:10:52,006
here to spread the good news
of common-sense baby caging."
266
00:10:52,031 --> 00:10:53,668
A carpenter's apprentice?
267
00:10:53,693 --> 00:10:56,479
As the vape-smoking beast
chained me to the rack,
268
00:10:56,504 --> 00:10:58,758
his fellow Antifa begged for my guts
269
00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:00,347
while big-bosomed maidens
270
00:11:00,372 --> 00:11:03,008
cried out for mercy on
the handsome stranger.
271
00:11:03,033 --> 00:11:04,597
Damn it. I'm starting to get invested.
272
00:11:04,622 --> 00:11:06,048
How did you get out? Did you use
273
00:11:06,073 --> 00:11:07,688
the sorcerer's gem stone
you found in the brook?
274
00:11:07,712 --> 00:11:09,528
A tale for another day!
275
00:11:09,553 --> 00:11:10,585
- Aww.
- The point is...
276
00:11:10,610 --> 00:11:11,610
If people bought it,
277
00:11:11,635 --> 00:11:13,860
there should be rioting in the streets.
278
00:11:13,885 --> 00:11:15,751
Nope.
279
00:11:15,776 --> 00:11:18,276
Whoa!
280
00:11:18,931 --> 00:11:20,498
This thing is great!
281
00:11:20,523 --> 00:11:22,120
My dad never let me ride one
282
00:11:22,145 --> 00:11:24,245
because he could tell
I enjoyed it too much.
283
00:11:24,270 --> 00:11:27,273
Whoa! What happened?!
284
00:11:27,298 --> 00:11:28,738
It's just out of time, buddy.
285
00:11:28,763 --> 00:11:31,714
You can do one more ride,
but then Nancy and I
286
00:11:31,739 --> 00:11:34,013
have to go back and run
the United States Congress.
287
00:11:34,038 --> 00:11:35,570
One and then one more?
288
00:11:35,806 --> 00:11:37,733
- Fine.
- Yeeeaahhh!
289
00:11:37,758 --> 00:11:40,409
And watch me this time
and give me encouragement!
290
00:11:40,434 --> 00:11:41,888
- Are you watching?
- We're watching.
291
00:11:41,912 --> 00:11:43,490
- Look here!
- Oh, yeah!
292
00:11:43,515 --> 00:11:44,790
I think... I got air!
293
00:11:44,815 --> 00:11:46,096
- Sure. You got air.
- Oh, wow!
294
00:11:49,028 --> 00:11:50,695
Oh, my God. He's sleeping.
295
00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:52,597
Wake up, Don. We're here.
296
00:11:52,622 --> 00:11:55,093
Whoa! Thanks for taking
me to Toy Story 4,
297
00:11:55,118 --> 00:11:57,898
and the gummy worms, and
picture next to the movie poster.
298
00:11:57,923 --> 00:12:00,472
Don't thank us. You wouldn't stop crying
299
00:12:00,497 --> 00:12:03,755
and rolling on the ground
unless we did what you asked.
300
00:12:03,780 --> 00:12:06,114
Well, see you again soon, champ.
301
00:12:07,904 --> 00:12:11,197
- Don. Everything alright?
- Yeah.
302
00:12:11,222 --> 00:12:13,085
Why aren't you getting
out and going to your home?
303
00:12:13,109 --> 00:12:15,130
- I love you guys.
- Oh, God.
304
00:12:15,155 --> 00:12:16,922
He's imprinted on us like a duck.
305
00:12:16,947 --> 00:12:18,984
We have to keep him, don't we?
306
00:12:19,009 --> 00:12:21,410
I heard that! Quack-quack!
307
00:12:21,952 --> 00:12:25,071
Nothing's working.
We need to take a big swing.
308
00:12:25,096 --> 00:12:27,576
How about an executive
order declaring conservatives
309
00:12:27,601 --> 00:12:29,133
- are a protected class?
- Pffff.
310
00:12:29,158 --> 00:12:30,901
The president will never go for it.
311
00:12:30,926 --> 00:12:32,937
- What?
- He's got too much on his plate...
312
00:12:32,962 --> 00:12:34,402
immigrants flooding over the border,
313
00:12:34,427 --> 00:12:37,936
economic bubble about to
pop... he doesn't care about us.
314
00:12:37,961 --> 00:12:40,744
- Sir, you must know...
- So let me get this straight...
315
00:12:40,769 --> 00:12:43,614
you're just gonna
waltz into the White House,
316
00:12:43,639 --> 00:12:45,450
ask to see the President,
317
00:12:45,475 --> 00:12:47,685
and then after you're
ushered into his office,
318
00:12:47,710 --> 00:12:50,688
he'll say, "Sure, Ben,
whatever you want!"
319
00:12:50,713 --> 00:12:51,923
- You're a fucking idiot!
- Are you...
320
00:12:51,947 --> 00:12:54,825
It's over! It'll never work!
321
00:12:54,850 --> 00:12:57,661
So quit living in your fantasy world!
322
00:12:58,896 --> 00:13:00,931
Sir, did you actually
forget you were president?
323
00:13:00,956 --> 00:13:02,410
I remembered in the middle,
324
00:13:02,435 --> 00:13:04,202
but it was too late to turn back.
325
00:13:08,552 --> 00:13:12,442
This executive order
designates conservatives
326
00:13:12,467 --> 00:13:14,841
as a federally protected class,
327
00:13:14,866 --> 00:13:17,314
affording them such equality measures
328
00:13:17,339 --> 00:13:19,069
as special parking spots
329
00:13:19,094 --> 00:13:22,749
and equal time for a
right-wing sketch comedy show.
330
00:13:22,774 --> 00:13:25,963
Hello, there's nothing we can't have!
331
00:13:25,988 --> 00:13:27,028
Shut up, nerd!
332
00:13:27,053 --> 00:13:29,763
Boys, let's head to O'Shittery's!
333
00:13:29,788 --> 00:13:32,696
If anybody looks at us weird,
we burn the place down!
334
00:13:32,721 --> 00:13:34,464
This isn't even your
branch of government.
335
00:13:34,489 --> 00:13:36,856
You're in the wrong branch!
336
00:13:36,881 --> 00:13:38,702
Okay, you win, psycho.
337
00:13:38,972 --> 00:13:42,139
Welcome, all, to
the San Francisco Pride Parade.
338
00:13:42,164 --> 00:13:43,573
This is so much more fun
339
00:13:43,598 --> 00:13:46,000
than the "Dads For Family
Court Reform" Parade.
340
00:13:46,025 --> 00:13:47,477
And guess what.
341
00:13:47,502 --> 00:13:50,680
I just heard back from our
friends at Twitter headquarters.
342
00:13:50,705 --> 00:13:54,038
We got them to lift your
week-long suspension!
343
00:13:54,063 --> 00:13:57,720
And it only took seven
days. Celebratory selfie!
344
00:13:57,745 --> 00:14:00,023
Say, "I love you and will
always be there for you
345
00:14:00,048 --> 00:14:02,892
in a way that no one ever haaaassss!"
346
00:14:02,917 --> 00:14:04,548
Well, you're back on Twitter,
347
00:14:04,573 --> 00:14:06,705
so I guess you don't need us anymore.
348
00:14:06,791 --> 00:14:09,091
Wait, wait! Oh! You
haven't met Kimberly yet!
349
00:14:09,116 --> 00:14:12,189
You're gonna love her. She
has this hilarious story
350
00:14:12,214 --> 00:14:14,982
about making fun of a
cameraman's gross birthmark
351
00:14:15,007 --> 00:14:17,073
and then it turned out to be cancer.
352
00:14:17,098 --> 00:14:18,597
She can tell it better.
353
00:14:19,183 --> 00:14:20,544
Tune in to NBC
354
00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:22,178
on Sunday night for the premiere of
355
00:14:22,203 --> 00:14:24,913
"Koch Industries Presents:
Sunday Night Live"
356
00:14:24,938 --> 00:14:28,117
with host Charlie Kirk and
musical guest Rand Paul,
357
00:14:28,142 --> 00:14:30,462
featuring a digital short
on Planned Parenthood.
358
00:14:31,756 --> 00:14:33,697
I'm gonna be groggy Monday morning.
359
00:14:39,453 --> 00:14:40,518
Hey. Good morning.
360
00:14:45,318 --> 00:14:47,667
First you go to the gay pride
parade with Chuck and Nancy
361
00:14:47,692 --> 00:14:49,381
and now we're having dinner with them?
362
00:14:49,406 --> 00:14:52,773
They're a little kooky, but
great if you get to know them.
363
00:14:52,798 --> 00:14:54,398
You got a flyaway
hair right over your...
364
00:14:54,434 --> 00:14:56,775
Is this her? Hello, Kimberly.
365
00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:58,985
You're even cuter
than Don said you were!
366
00:14:59,010 --> 00:15:01,671
Nancy, take the lamb out
of the oven! They're here!
367
00:15:01,696 --> 00:15:02,860
Ahh. What?!
368
00:15:02,885 --> 00:15:05,118
They're here! Lamb! Now!
369
00:15:05,143 --> 00:15:07,489
So, then Steny Hoyer
says to Dick Durbin,
370
00:15:07,514 --> 00:15:09,624
"Why are you wearing flip-flops?"
371
00:15:09,649 --> 00:15:12,293
Ahh...
372
00:15:12,318 --> 00:15:15,462
So, Don tells us you're
a conservative firebrand.
373
00:15:15,487 --> 00:15:16,487
Is that fun?
374
00:15:16,512 --> 00:15:19,266
It's the best. I trigger
so many liberals.
375
00:15:19,291 --> 00:15:22,836
Oh, but long-term, she
wants to be an archaeologist.
376
00:15:22,861 --> 00:15:24,471
What? I don't even know what that is.
377
00:15:24,496 --> 00:15:25,881
I don't either. Just go with it.
378
00:15:25,906 --> 00:15:28,997
It's fine. Let's just
talk about something else.
379
00:15:32,920 --> 00:15:34,065
Need some wine.
380
00:15:34,089 --> 00:15:35,650
Need some lamb in my...
381
00:15:35,674 --> 00:15:38,585
Ohh! Uh, did you see Don
at the gay pride parade?
382
00:15:38,610 --> 00:15:42,297
I did! Wow! I haven't
seen him that happy
383
00:15:42,322 --> 00:15:44,824
since he blew that silverback's
head off at two yards.
384
00:15:44,849 --> 00:15:46,593
And did he tell you that, next weekend,
385
00:15:46,618 --> 00:15:48,362
we're gonna go see glaciers melting?
386
00:15:48,387 --> 00:15:49,863
Oh, the same weekend
387
00:15:49,888 --> 00:15:52,747
as my best friend Katelyn's
gender-reveal party
388
00:15:52,772 --> 00:15:54,800
where they're gonna stuff
a grenade in the cake?
389
00:15:54,825 --> 00:15:57,159
We can just skip it and go to the birth.
390
00:15:58,535 --> 00:16:00,963
I thought you were just getting
your Twitter account reinstated,
391
00:16:00,987 --> 00:16:02,808
not becoming Al Gore!
392
00:16:02,833 --> 00:16:04,677
My relationship with Mom and D...
393
00:16:04,702 --> 00:16:06,679
Nancy and Chuck isn't political!
394
00:16:06,704 --> 00:16:08,947
We're just developing
an emotional connection
395
00:16:08,972 --> 00:16:10,449
as we defend the nurse's union
396
00:16:10,474 --> 00:16:13,708
and lock arms with the victims
of Standing Rock. Oh, shit!
397
00:16:13,733 --> 00:16:17,542
This is not the selfish
brat I courted to advance my career!
398
00:16:17,567 --> 00:16:18,863
I'm still a selfish brat.
399
00:16:18,888 --> 00:16:21,394
Uh, I'll go steal a package
off someone's porch right now!
400
00:16:21,419 --> 00:16:23,781
As hot as that sounds, I'm over it.
401
00:16:23,806 --> 00:16:25,270
Good luck getting Chuck and Nancy
402
00:16:25,295 --> 00:16:27,629
to pour beer down your crack.
403
00:16:34,730 --> 00:16:37,830
Why is everyone mad at
someone who isn't Pompeo?
404
00:16:37,855 --> 00:16:40,213
I'll start. Earlier today, I
was minding my own business,
405
00:16:40,237 --> 00:16:42,107
and someone said, "Good morning."
406
00:16:43,289 --> 00:16:46,685
I'm fine, but I just keep
thinking about what he meant.
407
00:16:46,710 --> 00:16:49,348
"Good morning, you
sad, pathetic weakling
408
00:16:49,373 --> 00:16:51,591
who couldn't even get the
teachers to eat lunch with him.
409
00:16:51,615 --> 00:16:53,758
You speak really
quickly and confidently,
410
00:16:53,783 --> 00:16:57,769
but deep down you know
you're 100% full of shit!"
411
00:16:57,794 --> 00:16:59,264
Everyone thinks that because we elected
412
00:16:59,288 --> 00:17:02,233
one conservative president,
we finally gained equality,
413
00:17:02,258 --> 00:17:03,675
and that damn executive order
414
00:17:03,700 --> 00:17:05,837
just gave them even more
cover to hold us down!
415
00:17:05,862 --> 00:17:09,040
We should've listened to
Susan Collins and done nothing.
416
00:17:09,065 --> 00:17:11,442
Sure, we were only rich and powerful,
417
00:17:11,467 --> 00:17:13,164
but at least we were happy.
418
00:17:13,189 --> 00:17:16,791
Wrong! We need a public
demonstration so big and bold
419
00:17:16,816 --> 00:17:18,950
that it shifts the
entire cultural paradigm.
420
00:17:18,975 --> 00:17:21,085
- I'm talking a million...
- Wow!
421
00:17:21,110 --> 00:17:22,700
- ... man...
- That's me!
422
00:17:22,725 --> 00:17:24,455
- ... march!
- I'm out!
423
00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:27,591
So this cause isn't important
enough for you to walk?!
424
00:17:27,616 --> 00:17:29,227
I'm all for equal rights,
425
00:17:29,252 --> 00:17:31,262
but not if it makes my hammies sore.
426
00:17:31,287 --> 00:17:34,262
And to think I believed in you...
427
00:17:35,132 --> 00:17:38,044
Would it make you feel better
if you kicked me in the gonads?
428
00:17:38,069 --> 00:17:39,069
Yeah.
429
00:17:40,281 --> 00:17:42,109
I'd now like to introduce
430
00:17:42,134 --> 00:17:44,979
Senate bill 2-9-4-3...
431
00:17:45,004 --> 00:17:46,777
Hey! Thanks a lot, Chuck!
432
00:17:46,802 --> 00:17:48,588
There's my boy! Nancy and I thought
433
00:17:48,613 --> 00:17:50,713
dinner with Kimberly
was a real home run.
434
00:17:50,738 --> 00:17:54,717
More like a loose bat into the
singing hot-dog guy's throat!
435
00:17:54,742 --> 00:17:57,087
Kimberly broke up with me!
436
00:17:57,112 --> 00:17:59,823
To be honest, Nancy and I
thought that girl was bad news.
437
00:17:59,848 --> 00:18:01,291
We found condoms in her purse.
438
00:18:01,316 --> 00:18:04,661
Ugh! I'm sick of you
always trying to control me!
439
00:18:04,686 --> 00:18:07,664
I'm not gonna go to
law school, get married,
440
00:18:07,689 --> 00:18:09,599
and become some uptight senator!
441
00:18:09,624 --> 00:18:11,567
Don, I've known you
for maybe eight days.
442
00:18:11,592 --> 00:18:13,770
Are we going to vote on the bill?
443
00:18:13,795 --> 00:18:16,105
I can't wait to vote "present".
444
00:18:16,130 --> 00:18:18,441
Don't ever ask Chuck and Nancy for help
445
00:18:18,466 --> 00:18:21,844
because you'll let them into
your heart and they'll break it!
446
00:18:21,869 --> 00:18:23,513
I cede my time!
447
00:18:23,538 --> 00:18:25,581
That's not how this works, Don.
448
00:18:25,606 --> 00:18:27,473
- Fuck you!
- Present!
449
00:18:28,086 --> 00:18:30,520
What's your glitch, Shapiro?
450
00:18:30,545 --> 00:18:33,383
In 2016, I wasn't sure a
nihilistic game-show host
451
00:18:33,408 --> 00:18:34,608
accused of numerous sex crimes
452
00:18:34,633 --> 00:18:36,530
should be the leader of
the conservative movement.
453
00:18:36,554 --> 00:18:38,594
But then you were elected
president, and I realized,
454
00:18:38,619 --> 00:18:40,763
"Supporting him boosts
my website's traffic."
455
00:18:40,788 --> 00:18:43,164
But I was wrong. You don't
care about conservatism.
456
00:18:43,189 --> 00:18:44,890
You just care about you!
457
00:18:44,915 --> 00:18:47,669
Obviously, I don't
care about conservatism!
458
00:18:47,694 --> 00:18:50,672
I just asked someone which
party has the best racist jokes
459
00:18:50,697 --> 00:18:52,106
and said, "I'm that!"
460
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:55,310
And guess what! I'm not
telling you any of them!
461
00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:56,850
Go to hell!
462
00:18:56,875 --> 00:19:00,349
Ever since I told that waitress
to stop bringing breadsticks,
463
00:19:00,374 --> 00:19:02,016
I've been living in it!
464
00:19:02,041 --> 00:19:03,808
What are you talking about?!
465
00:19:06,346 --> 00:19:09,108
Live from the Charles
Krauthammer Theater,
466
00:19:09,133 --> 00:19:11,233
it's "Sunday Night Live"!
467
00:19:11,258 --> 00:19:14,253
And here's your host, Mike Pompeo!
468
00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:17,342
They asked Pompeo and not me?
469
00:19:17,367 --> 00:19:19,734
I'm here to throw you in jail
470
00:19:19,759 --> 00:19:22,009
for calling someone the wrong pronoun.
471
00:19:23,059 --> 00:19:25,693
This is only gonna normalize Pompeo.
472
00:19:26,208 --> 00:19:29,810
So if you were, like, my dad,
what kind of stuff would we do?
473
00:19:29,835 --> 00:19:31,246
Of course. Uh, we'd go to the movies!
474
00:19:31,270 --> 00:19:32,554
Ooh, that sounds fun.
475
00:19:32,579 --> 00:19:34,993
Yeah, there's this
little underground theater
476
00:19:35,018 --> 00:19:37,362
in a cement basement on 11th Avenue,
477
00:19:37,387 --> 00:19:38,853
and the movies they show there,
478
00:19:38,878 --> 00:19:41,137
there's so much blood and depravity,
479
00:19:41,162 --> 00:19:42,758
I don't know how they
snuck them out of Dresden.
480
00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:44,525
Any other bonding activities?
481
00:19:44,550 --> 00:19:47,269
Ever been on a police ride-along
when they turn off the cameras?
482
00:19:47,294 --> 00:19:49,663
Ha! You will walk away
with so many secrets.
483
00:19:49,688 --> 00:19:51,564
Yeah, I don't know
if this is gonna work.
484
00:19:51,589 --> 00:19:53,334
Look, if it changes your mind,
I'll take you to a ball game.
485
00:19:53,358 --> 00:19:55,335
I got this luxury box at Yankee Stadium
486
00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:58,372
that's entirely bricked off...
no one can see in or out.
487
00:19:58,397 --> 00:20:00,607
Got an over-caffeinated
12-year-old bartender...
488
00:20:00,632 --> 00:20:02,598
Yeah, I don't know
if this is gonna work.
489
00:20:04,569 --> 00:20:07,114
Thanks for watching "Sunday Night Live."
490
00:20:07,139 --> 00:20:09,849
Thank you, Tomi Lahren, Dinesh D'Souza,
491
00:20:09,874 --> 00:20:12,669
Jacob Wohl, Diamond, Silk...
492
00:20:13,946 --> 00:20:15,689
... uh, Michael Flynn,
uh, Michael Flynn Jr...
493
00:20:15,713 --> 00:20:17,496
Yeah, that might be Stephen Miller.
494
00:20:17,521 --> 00:20:20,027
Are all the nurses pretending
they're on lunch break?
495
00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:21,652
- Yep, that's him.
- Good night.
496
00:20:23,121 --> 00:20:26,533
Oh, my God. Stevie. What happened?
497
00:20:26,558 --> 00:20:28,601
Were you attacked just
for what you believe?
498
00:20:28,626 --> 00:20:32,104
Sort of. I was sitting in
a conservatives-only seat
499
00:20:32,129 --> 00:20:34,084
at the movie theater,
and someone told me
500
00:20:34,109 --> 00:20:35,942
to move my big head a little.
501
00:20:35,967 --> 00:20:38,978
It hurt my feelings
so bad, I called 911.
502
00:20:39,003 --> 00:20:42,126
I'm not sure how much longer I have
503
00:20:42,151 --> 00:20:44,451
because the doctor
refuses to examine me.
504
00:20:44,476 --> 00:20:46,619
Stevie, Stevie.
505
00:20:46,644 --> 00:20:49,088
You're gonna make it, God damn it!
506
00:20:49,113 --> 00:20:51,324
If you can survive every
roommate you've ever had
507
00:20:51,349 --> 00:20:53,436
"accidentally" leaving the stove on,
508
00:20:53,461 --> 00:20:55,094
you can survive this.
509
00:20:55,119 --> 00:20:57,717
I've got to go now, Mr. Trump,
510
00:20:57,956 --> 00:21:01,500
but next time conservatives are
getting made fun of real bad,
511
00:21:01,525 --> 00:21:04,292
tell them my story.
512
00:21:04,744 --> 00:21:07,339
- B-e-e-e-e-e-e-ee...
- What kind of god would
513
00:21:07,364 --> 00:21:09,764
- B-e-e-e-e-e-e-ee...
- let a man be made fun of?!
514
00:21:09,789 --> 00:21:11,999
- E-e-e-ee...
- It should be me lying there!
515
00:21:12,024 --> 00:21:13,979
- B-e-e-e-e-e-e-ee...
- It looks so comfortable!
516
00:21:14,004 --> 00:21:16,637
- B-e-e-e-e-e-e-ee...
- Why is this loser in my bed?!
517
00:21:16,773 --> 00:21:18,907
- B-e-e-e-e-e-e-ee...
- I want the bed!
518
00:21:23,021 --> 00:21:26,122
Shit! Why did I only
get $800 in quarters?
519
00:21:26,282 --> 00:21:28,349
Whoa! Uh, huh?
520
00:21:28,619 --> 00:21:30,629
Thanks, Kimberly. You...
521
00:21:30,654 --> 00:21:32,531
I didn't see you at Fontainebleau.
522
00:21:32,556 --> 00:21:33,854
Sorry about that.
523
00:21:34,169 --> 00:21:37,358
Hey, do you think maybe I
was working through some stuff
524
00:21:37,383 --> 00:21:39,467
when I had Chuck and Nancy re-birth me
525
00:21:39,492 --> 00:21:41,606
using couch cushions as the birth canal?
526
00:21:41,631 --> 00:21:44,570
Don, when you let people
in like Chuck and Nancy,
527
00:21:44,595 --> 00:21:46,277
you allow them to change who you are.
528
00:21:46,302 --> 00:21:48,267
Next thing you know,
you're acting like a baby
529
00:21:48,292 --> 00:21:49,757
instead of the tough strong man
530
00:21:49,782 --> 00:21:51,682
who made two koalas
play Russian Roulette.
531
00:21:51,707 --> 00:21:54,452
- Yeah, I miss that guy.
- Me too.
532
00:21:54,477 --> 00:21:56,798
And that guy can let me in,
533
00:21:56,823 --> 00:21:58,490
and I'll never try to change him,
534
00:21:58,515 --> 00:22:01,682
even if his every decision
is a transparent cry for help.
535
00:22:02,018 --> 00:22:05,104
Cool. Now let's pour
some beer in my crack.
536
00:22:05,129 --> 00:22:09,333
No, Don, let's pour some
beer in our cracks.
537
00:22:12,603 --> 00:22:13,670
How's he doing?
538
00:22:13,695 --> 00:22:16,541
It was a close call,
but he's gonna be okay.
539
00:22:16,566 --> 00:22:18,813
Well, I better go. I got
my Sunday Night Live
540
00:22:18,838 --> 00:22:20,775
audition in the morning,
and I still haven't nailed
541
00:22:20,799 --> 00:22:22,647
Michelle Obama's accent.
542
00:22:22,672 --> 00:22:25,215
Ben. We can't let this happen again.
543
00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:26,851
Next time, it could be someone
544
00:22:26,876 --> 00:22:29,397
who has more than zero
contacts in his phone.
545
00:22:29,422 --> 00:22:31,904
But you were right. It's
over. The liberals won.
546
00:22:31,929 --> 00:22:34,692
MSNBC is like the Fox News of TV.
547
00:22:34,767 --> 00:22:37,044
I thought I heard
something about a march.
548
00:22:37,069 --> 00:22:39,229
You think that's something
the president would be into?
549
00:22:39,254 --> 00:22:41,231
- Did you forget again?
- I did.
550
00:22:41,256 --> 00:22:43,022
♪ Why ♪
551
00:22:43,224 --> 00:22:45,191
♪ We ♪
552
00:22:45,393 --> 00:22:47,126
♪ Fight ♪
553
00:22:47,651 --> 00:22:49,616
This is why we fight!
554
00:22:49,641 --> 00:22:51,541
♪ Save ♪
555
00:22:51,566 --> 00:22:53,833
♪ The right ♪
556
00:22:54,202 --> 00:22:55,845
We have got to save the right!
557
00:22:57,950 --> 00:23:00,317
Tomorrow, millions of conservatives
558
00:23:00,342 --> 00:23:01,685
are coming here to march,
559
00:23:01,710 --> 00:23:03,574
and I can't think of
one thing to tell them
560
00:23:03,599 --> 00:23:05,889
other than I forgot
to get Port-a-Potties.
561
00:23:05,914 --> 00:23:09,392
Just tell them that, some day,
we will achieve true equality
562
00:23:09,417 --> 00:23:12,101
and be able to wear a
Confederate flag unitard
563
00:23:12,126 --> 00:23:14,029
to SoulCycle.
564
00:23:14,054 --> 00:23:18,090
♪ What do we stand for? ♪
565
00:23:18,326 --> 00:23:20,392
♪ Why do we fight? ♪
566
00:23:23,208 --> 00:23:25,308
♪ To protect the lives ♪
567
00:23:25,333 --> 00:23:30,068
♪ Of rich men who are white ♪
568
00:23:30,548 --> 00:23:33,983
♪ So Rush Limbaugh ♪
569
00:23:34,008 --> 00:23:38,410
♪ Can sleep sound at night ♪
570
00:23:38,779 --> 00:23:42,848
♪ And we are never held accountable ♪
571
00:23:43,283 --> 00:23:46,429
♪ For a joke we made in front
of a biracial co-worker ♪
572
00:23:46,454 --> 00:23:48,654
♪ This is why we fight ♪
573
00:23:48,856 --> 00:23:53,412
♪ For Proud Boys and alt-rights ♪
574
00:23:54,728 --> 00:23:57,796
♪ For rich white men ♪
575
00:23:57,821 --> 00:24:01,788
♪ And rich white men's wives ♪
576
00:24:01,813 --> 00:24:03,712
I'm cool with this also.
577
00:24:03,737 --> 00:24:05,824
Conservatives from all over the country
578
00:24:05,849 --> 00:24:07,192
have gathered in Washington
579
00:24:07,217 --> 00:24:08,884
to fight for the rights of Republicans
580
00:24:08,909 --> 00:24:10,318
or, said another way,
581
00:24:10,343 --> 00:24:13,022
the President has hosted
a white-power rally.
582
00:24:13,047 --> 00:24:15,134
The Grand Wizard is about to speak.
583
00:24:16,216 --> 00:24:18,115
♪ Why ♪
584
00:24:18,351 --> 00:24:21,152
♪ We fight ♪
585
00:24:24,357 --> 00:24:26,123
♪ Save ♪
586
00:24:26,359 --> 00:24:29,160
♪ The right ♪
587
00:24:32,232 --> 00:24:36,568
My fellow conservatives,
we have a dream,
588
00:24:36,903 --> 00:24:39,714
a dream that began on a bridge in Selma
589
00:24:39,739 --> 00:24:41,849
though not the side people
typically think of...
590
00:24:41,874 --> 00:24:44,242
a dream that, one day,
591
00:24:44,578 --> 00:24:47,188
conservatives will be able to go online
592
00:24:47,213 --> 00:24:51,402
without the fear of someone
teasing them a little bit!
593
00:24:51,427 --> 00:24:54,152
Wow. What a fuckin' snowflake.
594
00:24:56,239 --> 00:24:58,199
Hey, you guys don't have
a permit for any of this.
595
00:24:58,224 --> 00:24:59,256
You gotta scram.
596
00:24:59,281 --> 00:25:01,546
Oh, why? Because we're conservatives?
597
00:25:02,795 --> 00:25:04,938
No. Just, everyone needs a permit.
598
00:25:04,963 --> 00:25:06,243
You don't get special treatment.
599
00:25:18,621 --> 00:25:20,021
Let us stay!
600
00:25:20,046 --> 00:25:22,746
It's not fair!
601
00:25:23,158 --> 00:25:25,136
We're allowed to be here!
602
00:25:25,161 --> 00:25:26,626
Mommy said so!
603
00:25:26,651 --> 00:25:29,438
You're a bad cop! Bad cop!
604
00:25:29,463 --> 00:25:31,229
He is a bad cop!
605
00:25:31,254 --> 00:25:35,045
Let us stay, or I'm gonna
cry, and I'm gonna cry and cry!
606
00:25:35,070 --> 00:25:36,569
I hate you!
607
00:25:40,588 --> 00:25:42,475
Is that tears or piss?
608
00:25:43,228 --> 00:25:45,963
Ah. It's just tears, thank God.
609
00:25:45,988 --> 00:25:47,555
Alright, stay. Just wrap it up
610
00:25:47,580 --> 00:25:49,214
before the ceramics fair sets up.
611
00:25:49,241 --> 00:25:51,084
- Yay!
- We did it!
612
00:25:51,109 --> 00:25:53,243
- Hooray!
- The right always wins!
613
00:25:55,590 --> 00:25:57,823
How are your hammies, Mr. President?
614
00:25:57,848 --> 00:26:00,829
Pretty sore, but I'll
just take a month off work,
615
00:26:00,854 --> 00:26:02,920
wherever that is.
616
00:26:02,945 --> 00:26:04,901
You think this changed anything?
617
00:26:04,925 --> 00:26:06,527
I'm about to find out.
618
00:26:06,936 --> 00:26:10,236
I'm on my way, SoulCycle!
619
00:26:11,639 --> 00:26:13,640
Where'd you learn to cry like that?
620
00:26:13,665 --> 00:26:16,359
Let's just say a couple
kooky cats taught me
621
00:26:16,384 --> 00:26:17,884
how to be vulnerable.
622
00:26:18,080 --> 00:26:22,014
Great news! Before I burnt
down O'Shittery's Beer Dump,
623
00:26:22,039 --> 00:26:24,087
I stole a bunch of kegs
from the loading dock.
624
00:26:24,112 --> 00:26:25,873
- Wanna go drink them?
- Uh, yeah, we're okay.
625
00:26:25,897 --> 00:26:27,864
Yeah, I think...
W-We're alright, though.
626
00:26:27,889 --> 00:26:29,621
You guys are huge dicks!
627
00:26:29,646 --> 00:26:34,016
I'm gonna start my own
movement against huge dicks!
628
00:26:34,218 --> 00:26:35,951
♪ Why ♪
629
00:26:36,053 --> 00:26:37,820
♪ We ♪
630
00:26:38,022 --> 00:26:41,656
♪ Fight ♪
631
00:26:41,859 --> 00:26:43,926
♪ Save ♪
632
00:26:44,128 --> 00:26:45,828
♪ The ♪
633
00:26:46,030 --> 00:26:48,797
♪ Right ♪
634
00:26:49,653 --> 00:26:53,888
♪ I used to feel like
I could walk the Earth ♪
635
00:26:53,913 --> 00:26:57,549
♪ Like a human god ♪
636
00:26:57,574 --> 00:27:00,342
♪ Now I still am a human god ♪
637
00:27:00,721 --> 00:27:03,222
♪ But I feel like I'm not ♪
638
00:27:21,931 --> 00:27:23,797
♪ Why ♪
639
00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:25,799
♪ We ♪
640
00:27:26,002 --> 00:27:27,368
♪ Fight ♪
641
00:27:27,670 --> 00:27:30,225
♪ Leave Meghan McCain alone ♪
642
00:27:30,250 --> 00:27:32,050
♪ Save ♪
643
00:27:32,075 --> 00:27:34,762
♪ The right ♪
644
00:27:34,787 --> 00:27:38,689
♪ Yeah, we gotta save the right ♪
645
00:27:38,714 --> 00:27:41,982
♪ Ooh-ooh ♪
646
00:27:42,184 --> 00:27:44,184
♪ Ooh ♪
647
00:27:49,079 --> 00:27:54,079
- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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