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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,475 --> 00:00:08,717 Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com 2 00:00:10,066 --> 00:00:12,503 This is an NBC News special report. 3 00:00:12,839 --> 00:00:15,409 I'm Chuck Todd, and no one remembers hiring me. 4 00:00:15,434 --> 00:00:17,940 The New York Times has obtained ten years of figures 5 00:00:17,965 --> 00:00:19,643 from President Trump's tax returns, 6 00:00:19,668 --> 00:00:22,002 and for many of those years, he lost more money 7 00:00:22,027 --> 00:00:23,674 than any person in America. 8 00:00:23,742 --> 00:00:25,901 The White House insists this is fake news. 9 00:00:25,926 --> 00:00:28,192 And the President is going about his normal day. 10 00:00:28,217 --> 00:00:31,199 I was worried the day would come when everyone would find out 11 00:00:31,224 --> 00:00:33,457 that I was the worst businessman in history, 12 00:00:33,482 --> 00:00:35,324 but now that it's here, it's not so 13 00:00:35,349 --> 00:00:36,480 b-a-a-a-a-agh! 14 00:00:36,505 --> 00:00:39,239 Who am I kidding, Rudy?! I'm so frickin' embarrassed! 15 00:00:39,326 --> 00:00:41,918 Be honest. Do you think being exposed as a broke fraud 16 00:00:41,943 --> 00:00:44,488 will affect people's perception that I'm not a broke fraud? 17 00:00:44,513 --> 00:00:46,105 Don't get so worked up. 18 00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:47,429 Everyone's public persona 19 00:00:47,454 --> 00:00:49,293 is a little different than who they are. 20 00:00:49,318 --> 00:00:51,011 But d-did you know that Johnny Carson 21 00:00:51,036 --> 00:00:52,449 was actually really shy? 22 00:00:53,161 --> 00:00:55,121 Fascinating, but not the same. 23 00:00:55,146 --> 00:00:56,668 We gotta get out of this news cycle. 24 00:00:56,693 --> 00:00:58,535 I need you to FaceTime Brian Williams, 25 00:00:58,560 --> 00:00:59,894 and I'm gonna show him my junk! 26 00:01:00,778 --> 00:01:03,420 Oh, great. There goes $300 in oysters! 27 00:01:03,445 --> 00:01:05,910 This is like that dream where you show up to class 28 00:01:05,935 --> 00:01:07,223 and you're wearing a shirt that says 29 00:01:07,247 --> 00:01:09,614 "I'm the worst businessman in the world!" 30 00:01:09,639 --> 00:01:12,520 Hey! Hey! Look me in my weird dog bottom teeth! 31 00:01:12,545 --> 00:01:15,254 You are the most powerful person in the world, 32 00:01:15,279 --> 00:01:17,653 and no one can take that away from you! 33 00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:20,211 Vice President Joe Biden's poll numbers are surging 34 00:01:20,236 --> 00:01:22,704 well ahead of Trump in states across the country... 35 00:01:23,037 --> 00:01:25,025 I'm sure it's just the blue states. 36 00:01:25,050 --> 00:01:26,415 ... including Texas. 37 00:01:26,650 --> 00:01:28,033 There it is. Let it out. 38 00:01:28,112 --> 00:01:30,393 Hey! You don't need to be president! 39 00:01:30,418 --> 00:01:31,651 You're rich! 40 00:01:31,811 --> 00:01:32,982 Oh, wait. Never mind. 41 00:01:33,621 --> 00:01:35,488 Here was Biden earlier today somewhere. 42 00:01:35,513 --> 00:01:38,308 Voters are getting behind my inspiring message. 43 00:01:38,333 --> 00:01:41,367 If you elect me president, Trump won't be president! 44 00:01:41,392 --> 00:01:44,105 That's a good campaign slogan. Maybe we can steal it! 45 00:01:44,152 --> 00:01:46,886 I just gotta not say anything dumb for 18 months. 46 00:01:46,911 --> 00:01:48,431 All right. Let's get some questions. 47 00:01:48,639 --> 00:01:50,407 You there with the religious hat! 48 00:01:50,500 --> 00:01:51,954 And it's not just Joe Biden. 49 00:01:51,979 --> 00:01:55,518 Every other Democratic candidate is beating Jonald... Donald Trump. 50 00:01:55,647 --> 00:01:56,994 Even Pete Buttigieg, 51 00:01:57,019 --> 00:01:58,752 who is the Chuck Todd of the candidates. 52 00:01:59,527 --> 00:02:01,678 And maybe the worst news for President Trump... 53 00:02:01,703 --> 00:02:03,377 the democrats are firming up a date 54 00:02:03,402 --> 00:02:05,041 for Robert Mueller to testify. 55 00:02:05,066 --> 00:02:07,200 - Get your popcorn. - Hey! Look at you! 56 00:02:07,225 --> 00:02:09,667 You heard all that news, and you haven't barfed yet! 57 00:02:09,692 --> 00:02:10,746 Here it comes! 58 00:02:11,454 --> 00:02:13,300 Ahh! Morning routine complete. 59 00:02:13,359 --> 00:02:15,761 Rudy, today's gonna be a great day! 60 00:02:17,798 --> 00:02:20,776 Don't listen to Mueller. I've never been on this show! 61 00:02:26,332 --> 00:02:30,067 Ahh, another day in heaven, working for fat dad. 62 00:02:30,069 --> 00:02:32,903 This is the best and first job I've ever had! 63 00:02:32,905 --> 00:02:35,239 Shut up! He's coming! I'm gonna shit! 64 00:02:35,241 --> 00:02:37,003 - Daddy! - Dad! 65 00:02:37,028 --> 00:02:39,420 Hey, kids. I made you breakfast this morning. 66 00:02:39,445 --> 00:02:40,511 - Yes! - Yeah! 67 00:02:40,513 --> 00:02:42,647 Relax. It's just a figure of speech. 68 00:02:42,649 --> 00:02:43,881 Good news, Daddy! 69 00:02:43,883 --> 00:02:46,759 I kept my mouth shut on another divisive issue! 70 00:02:46,784 --> 00:02:48,352 And my analytics are going freakin' nuts 71 00:02:48,354 --> 00:02:51,155 for this photo of me holding a rifle inside a fish's mouth. 72 00:02:51,157 --> 00:02:55,316 And I just found out there's a cool skeleton inside of me! 73 00:02:55,341 --> 00:02:58,833 Look at us... me in this big chair, you guys over there, 74 00:02:58,858 --> 00:03:01,931 a million-man militia ready to tear this country in two 75 00:03:01,933 --> 00:03:03,600 as soon as I say, "Charge." 76 00:03:03,602 --> 00:03:04,973 What more could we want? 77 00:03:06,958 --> 00:03:09,716 Dad, that Mueller report stirred up some old feelings 78 00:03:09,741 --> 00:03:11,676 for Trump Tower Moscow, huh? 79 00:03:13,841 --> 00:03:15,878 I'm perfectly happy where I am... 80 00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:18,637 in this drafty house full of people who make me read. 81 00:03:18,662 --> 00:03:21,278 Besides, it's not like someone else wants to build there. 82 00:03:21,318 --> 00:03:23,286 Someone else wants to build there! 83 00:03:23,332 --> 00:03:24,591 I'm Wolf Blitzer, 84 00:03:24,616 --> 00:03:28,418 and erotic hypnotists never choose me as the volunteer. 85 00:03:28,537 --> 00:03:32,573 Vladimir Putin has sold the land reserved for Trump Tower Moscow 86 00:03:32,598 --> 00:03:35,397 to Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos, 87 00:03:35,399 --> 00:03:37,399 a man whose head shot and dick pic 88 00:03:37,401 --> 00:03:39,335 are indistinguishable to the human eye. 89 00:03:39,337 --> 00:03:40,970 I'm excited to work with Putin, 90 00:03:40,972 --> 00:03:42,972 even though we have very little in common. 91 00:03:42,974 --> 00:03:44,406 He's an oppressive autocrat, 92 00:03:44,408 --> 00:03:46,917 and I'm just a cool boss who improves productivity 93 00:03:46,942 --> 00:03:49,153 by making workers piss and shit themselves. 94 00:03:49,216 --> 00:03:51,557 Whatever. I'm so over it. 95 00:03:51,582 --> 00:03:52,794 Idiot liar! 96 00:03:52,819 --> 00:03:55,795 I almost built a gorgeous tower with a murderous dictator. 97 00:03:55,820 --> 00:03:57,353 You never get over it. 98 00:03:57,355 --> 00:03:58,855 Yeah, like my wife and kids 99 00:03:58,857 --> 00:04:00,757 after I left them for a background actress 100 00:04:00,759 --> 00:04:03,592 hoping for her big break at 38. Not happening. 101 00:04:03,594 --> 00:04:05,361 You want to build Trump Tower Moscow? 102 00:04:05,363 --> 00:04:07,797 I mean, why not just burst into Robert Mueller's office 103 00:04:07,799 --> 00:04:09,232 and shout, "I want a do-over"? 104 00:04:09,234 --> 00:04:11,801 Relax. I'm in a good place, and to prove it, 105 00:04:11,803 --> 00:04:15,325 I will lovingly remember my time with the Tower once more. 106 00:04:15,727 --> 00:04:18,295 It all started in 2015 107 00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:20,172 when I first laid eyes on her. 108 00:04:21,233 --> 00:04:23,680 I'm sorry. You're such a klutz. 109 00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:28,376 Ahh. I knew right then I had to have it, 110 00:04:28,401 --> 00:04:30,534 no matter how many laws I need to break 111 00:04:30,559 --> 00:04:33,227 or times Robert De Niro would call me the C-word 112 00:04:33,252 --> 00:04:34,837 on the Kids' Choice Awards. 113 00:04:35,002 --> 00:04:37,470 I signed a letter of intent the next day. 114 00:04:37,495 --> 00:04:39,628 We were going to be together forever. 115 00:04:39,630 --> 00:04:41,508 Then something terrible happened. 116 00:04:42,267 --> 00:04:45,977 Donald Trump has been elected President of the United States. 117 00:04:46,270 --> 00:04:49,371 Hey. Uh, have you seen the plans for Trump Tower Moscow? 118 00:04:49,373 --> 00:04:51,806 We're going to spend the weekend together at Bear Mountain! 119 00:04:51,831 --> 00:04:52,900 Forget that building. 120 00:04:52,965 --> 00:04:55,829 You just scored with a building way older and squatter. 121 00:04:55,892 --> 00:04:57,696 The White House! 122 00:04:57,768 --> 00:04:59,110 But that's impossible! 123 00:04:59,165 --> 00:05:01,798 I said John McCain wasn't a war hero! 124 00:05:01,832 --> 00:05:04,899 I-I accused a reporter of menstruating on the job! 125 00:05:04,949 --> 00:05:07,767 I told everyone how big and strong my hog was! 126 00:05:07,881 --> 00:05:09,781 I spent an entire debate 127 00:05:09,806 --> 00:05:13,041 just kind of lurking behind my opponent! 128 00:05:14,798 --> 00:05:16,264 Just let him cry it out. 129 00:05:16,266 --> 00:05:18,280 Uh, Pompeo, what's going on at, uh, State? 130 00:05:18,305 --> 00:05:19,321 I talked to the Turks over 131 00:05:19,345 --> 00:05:20,357 - over the weekend. - Pompeo, you bastard! 132 00:05:20,381 --> 00:05:21,970 - There's a man in pain over here! - And they've agreed 133 00:05:21,972 --> 00:05:23,338 to hold off on any engagement with the Kurds 134 00:05:23,340 --> 00:05:24,840 - for the next 90 days. - I wanna die! 135 00:05:24,842 --> 00:05:27,044 - Don't you understand?! - The Turks have made it clear that... 136 00:05:27,068 --> 00:05:28,143 We're on in five! 137 00:05:28,145 --> 00:05:29,377 Nancy, we've done it. 138 00:05:29,379 --> 00:05:31,479 We've proven all the doubters wrong. 139 00:05:31,481 --> 00:05:34,646 I can't believe we have the majority in the House. 140 00:05:34,772 --> 00:05:36,669 And the minority in the Senate, 141 00:05:36,740 --> 00:05:38,927 which is even more powerful than the majority. 142 00:05:38,952 --> 00:05:41,396 And now for our biggest achievement yet... 143 00:05:41,435 --> 00:05:45,865 an interview with the crimson goatee himself, Chuck Todd! 144 00:05:55,293 --> 00:05:57,934 My name is Chuck Todd, and I look like it. 145 00:05:57,959 --> 00:05:59,183 We're joined this Sunday 146 00:05:59,208 --> 00:06:01,911 by, uh, Speaker Pelosi and Leader Schumer, 147 00:06:01,944 --> 00:06:04,372 who have requested the audience genuflect before them. 148 00:06:09,551 --> 00:06:12,253 Okay. First and only question. 149 00:06:12,255 --> 00:06:14,820 Are you friends with Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, 150 00:06:14,822 --> 00:06:16,192 and, i-if so, what is she like? 151 00:06:18,126 --> 00:06:22,728 Ahhhhh... 152 00:06:22,730 --> 00:06:24,463 Sir, is everything okay? 153 00:06:24,465 --> 00:06:25,798 You're sighing so loud, 154 00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:28,411 Karen can't hear herself search for gay fingerprints. 155 00:06:28,647 --> 00:06:29,746 They were here! 156 00:06:29,804 --> 00:06:30,970 The scented hand soap 157 00:06:30,972 --> 00:06:33,895 is below the line I drew on the dispenser! 158 00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:36,786 I've never fallen for anything or anyone 159 00:06:36,811 --> 00:06:39,333 like I did for Trump Tower Moscow. 160 00:06:40,917 --> 00:06:43,665 Oh, no. I'm so jealous. 161 00:06:43,690 --> 00:06:45,351 Maybe it'd be better to make it work 162 00:06:45,353 --> 00:06:47,893 with this stable, stocky White House. 163 00:06:47,918 --> 00:06:49,751 Yeah. I guess you're right. 164 00:06:49,791 --> 00:06:52,425 It has its quirks, but at least it was built by slaves. 165 00:06:52,427 --> 00:06:53,846 There ya go! 166 00:06:54,668 --> 00:06:57,018 The corporate tax rate may be 21%, 167 00:06:57,131 --> 00:06:59,966 but corporations never pay that, honey! 168 00:07:00,067 --> 00:07:02,468 She gets way more attention than us, 169 00:07:02,470 --> 00:07:06,238 and she hasn't passed one bill that weakens teachers' unions! 170 00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:09,374 After we won Congress, I assumed the youths would worship us 171 00:07:09,376 --> 00:07:11,644 for the rest of their hopeless, debt-ridden lives. 172 00:07:11,646 --> 00:07:13,312 Clearly, the kids are responding 173 00:07:13,314 --> 00:07:16,927 to something AOC has that we don't. 174 00:07:17,585 --> 00:07:19,474 A microwave! 175 00:07:19,554 --> 00:07:21,987 Nancy, have you ever microwaved before? 176 00:07:21,989 --> 00:07:23,889 - What am I... a chef?! - All right. 177 00:07:23,891 --> 00:07:26,183 You press "record," and I'll just start pushing stuff. 178 00:07:29,348 --> 00:07:31,238 Are we viral? 179 00:07:31,276 --> 00:07:33,542 Nancy, we need to see the one person in this town 180 00:07:33,567 --> 00:07:36,652 who knows how to use a microwave... Ocasio-Cortez. 181 00:07:38,254 --> 00:07:40,059 Pence is right. I don't need a hotel 182 00:07:40,083 --> 00:07:42,457 with 80 Russian hookers roaming the hallways. 183 00:07:42,482 --> 00:07:45,410 I get to live at 1600 Washington Avenue. 184 00:07:45,435 --> 00:07:48,191 - Rah! Ahh! - Don, what are you doing?! 185 00:07:48,216 --> 00:07:50,074 Those were Dolley Madison's plates! 186 00:07:50,099 --> 00:07:51,801 I was gonna sell those! 187 00:07:51,826 --> 00:07:54,519 I'm sick of this! Dad, you're my best friend. 188 00:07:55,645 --> 00:07:56,699 Shut up! 189 00:07:56,724 --> 00:07:58,183 - Stop it! - You're my best... 190 00:07:58,208 --> 00:07:59,980 Stop it! I'm gonna get the hiccups! 191 00:08:00,005 --> 00:08:03,794 ... friend. But in six years, if you're still wasting your life 192 00:08:03,819 --> 00:08:05,465 in some crappy White House 193 00:08:05,490 --> 00:08:08,262 instead of pursuing the tower of your dreams, 194 00:08:08,287 --> 00:08:10,426 I will kick your ass! 195 00:08:11,500 --> 00:08:12,739 You're right, Don. 196 00:08:12,764 --> 00:08:14,897 I loved that tower. 197 00:08:17,928 --> 00:08:20,709 ♪ Far across the sea ♪ 198 00:08:20,998 --> 00:08:23,865 ♪ In the motherland ♪ 199 00:08:24,478 --> 00:08:27,540 ♪ Was my Trump Tower ♪ 200 00:08:27,565 --> 00:08:29,853 ♪ Moscow ♪ 201 00:08:30,536 --> 00:08:33,301 ♪ A legitimate ♪ 202 00:08:33,664 --> 00:08:36,793 ♪ Venture of my brand ♪ 203 00:08:37,112 --> 00:08:42,115 ♪ My sweet Trump Tower Moscow ♪ 204 00:08:43,554 --> 00:08:47,523 ♪ Moscow ♪ 205 00:08:47,548 --> 00:08:50,715 ♪ Moscow ♪ 206 00:08:50,820 --> 00:08:54,121 ♪ Moscow ♪ 207 00:08:54,146 --> 00:08:56,212 ♪ Right behind those golden doors ♪ 208 00:08:56,237 --> 00:08:59,105 ♪ Is the best hotel you've ever seen ♪ 209 00:08:59,130 --> 00:09:01,296 ♪ Step onto those linoleum floors ♪ 210 00:09:01,321 --> 00:09:04,761 ♪ Covered with faux marbling ♪ 211 00:09:04,819 --> 00:09:07,754 ♪ And the lady at the counter typing way too loud ♪ 212 00:09:07,779 --> 00:09:10,519 ♪ Hands you your two room keys ♪ 213 00:09:10,544 --> 00:09:12,076 ♪ Giving you the ticket ♪ 214 00:09:12,101 --> 00:09:16,237 ♪ To world-class amenities ♪ 215 00:09:16,262 --> 00:09:17,494 ♪ Like a fitness room ♪ 216 00:09:17,519 --> 00:09:19,119 ♪ With a stationary bike ♪ 217 00:09:19,144 --> 00:09:20,496 ♪ And an ice machine ♪ 218 00:09:20,521 --> 00:09:21,934 ♪ Making tap-water ice ♪ 219 00:09:21,959 --> 00:09:24,067 ♪ And a restaurant ♪ 220 00:09:24,092 --> 00:09:27,427 ♪ That's really nice ♪ 221 00:09:27,717 --> 00:09:29,223 ♪ And a mini bar ♪ 222 00:09:29,248 --> 00:09:30,613 ♪ With 12-dollar Sprites ♪ 223 00:09:30,638 --> 00:09:31,949 ♪ And a business center ♪ 224 00:09:31,974 --> 00:09:33,410 ♪ With fluorescent lights ♪ 225 00:09:33,435 --> 00:09:35,535 ♪ And a restaurant ♪ 226 00:09:35,560 --> 00:09:38,731 ♪ That's really nice ♪ 227 00:09:39,028 --> 00:09:41,862 ♪ Really nice ♪ 228 00:09:41,887 --> 00:09:45,207 ♪ It would have been my Trump Tower ♪ 229 00:09:45,423 --> 00:09:48,520 ♪ But now I'm in power ♪ 230 00:09:48,791 --> 00:09:52,020 ♪ Was my Trump Tower ♪ 231 00:09:52,190 --> 00:09:56,292 ♪ Moscow ♪ 232 00:09:57,467 --> 00:10:01,469 All those in favor of funding Trump Tower Moscow, say, "Aye," 233 00:10:01,494 --> 00:10:03,763 except Susan Collins, which is a given. 234 00:10:03,788 --> 00:10:05,498 Hey! That's true! 235 00:10:05,555 --> 00:10:06,748 Those who oppose? 236 00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:08,865 - No! - Are you fucking insane?! 237 00:10:08,890 --> 00:10:11,654 The "are you fucking insanes" have it. 238 00:10:11,717 --> 00:10:12,916 You guys are jerks! 239 00:10:12,941 --> 00:10:15,420 I'm gonna get my Russian hotel built 240 00:10:15,445 --> 00:10:17,345 because I know, in my bones, 241 00:10:17,398 --> 00:10:20,199 it's what the American people want! 242 00:10:20,224 --> 00:10:21,576 Last night, your approval rating 243 00:10:21,601 --> 00:10:23,768 went through a slight 25-point adjustment. 244 00:10:23,793 --> 00:10:26,482 Bill Shine, I told you that tie was a loser! 245 00:10:26,507 --> 00:10:29,006 Sir, I used to handle the settlements at Fox News. 246 00:10:29,031 --> 00:10:30,178 If it's money you desire, 247 00:10:30,203 --> 00:10:31,929 just accuse me of sexually harassing you. 248 00:10:31,954 --> 00:10:33,559 I'll take out my checkbook. We'll settle this right here. 249 00:10:33,583 --> 00:10:35,179 Ahh, money's great. 250 00:10:35,273 --> 00:10:37,908 It's just that every time I close my eyes, 251 00:10:37,933 --> 00:10:40,460 I picture myself with that tower. 252 00:10:40,538 --> 00:10:43,242 Two point five little towers running around. 253 00:10:43,267 --> 00:10:47,036 Every Christmas, we stand around the piano singing tower songs. 254 00:10:47,061 --> 00:10:49,394 We raise them half-tower, half-human. 255 00:10:49,419 --> 00:10:52,443 Sure, it's gonna be tough, but we're family. 256 00:10:52,723 --> 00:10:54,342 Let's get that feel-good nonsense 257 00:10:54,367 --> 00:10:55,990 in front of the American people. 258 00:10:56,015 --> 00:10:58,256 First up, your most pitiful sycophants. 259 00:10:58,300 --> 00:11:00,701 ♪ Three white people on a couch ♪ 260 00:11:00,726 --> 00:11:02,878 ♪ It's Fox & Friends ♪ 261 00:11:02,903 --> 00:11:04,687 Your grandkids don't speak to you, 262 00:11:04,712 --> 00:11:06,985 but you've still got Fox & Friends! 263 00:11:07,010 --> 00:11:08,843 We flipped on the lights this mornin', 264 00:11:08,868 --> 00:11:11,766 and the President of the United States was already sitting here! 265 00:11:11,791 --> 00:11:13,423 Please explain to the dumb-dumbs 266 00:11:13,448 --> 00:11:16,083 why we need to build a Trump Tower on Russian soil. 267 00:11:16,108 --> 00:11:18,985 Democrats act like they care so much about foreigners, 268 00:11:19,041 --> 00:11:21,174 but what about all those Russian oligarchs 269 00:11:21,199 --> 00:11:24,032 unable to soak in a one-jet, teacup Jacuzzi 270 00:11:24,057 --> 00:11:25,962 with knobs that squeak like dolphins? 271 00:11:25,987 --> 00:11:28,290 - Aww! - You're not dreamin', folks. 272 00:11:28,315 --> 00:11:30,649 The President's here, and we're talkin' dolphins. 273 00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:35,979 - AOC! - Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez! 274 00:11:36,004 --> 00:11:37,386 Aah! Oh. I thought you two died. 275 00:11:37,411 --> 00:11:40,082 The microwave parts missed every artery. 276 00:11:40,107 --> 00:11:41,661 Let's get to why we're all here. 277 00:11:41,686 --> 00:11:43,752 For some reason, the youths don't realize 278 00:11:43,777 --> 00:11:45,559 we're the coolest cats in cat town. 279 00:11:45,584 --> 00:11:48,652 Me-ow! We need your help getting the word out. 280 00:11:48,693 --> 00:11:50,762 Can we pick your brain over dinner? 281 00:11:50,787 --> 00:11:52,356 How does 4:45 work for you? 282 00:11:52,381 --> 00:11:54,411 Ohh, I don't think I can make it 283 00:11:54,436 --> 00:11:56,436 because my entire political appeal 284 00:11:56,461 --> 00:11:58,801 is based on never, ever being seen with you two. 285 00:11:58,826 --> 00:11:59,832 What's it gonna take? 286 00:11:59,857 --> 00:12:01,770 How about gold nail clippers 287 00:12:01,795 --> 00:12:04,200 Jerry Nadler gave me at last year's Christmas party? 288 00:12:04,225 --> 00:12:05,567 Lightly used every day. 289 00:12:05,619 --> 00:12:06,817 Don't do it, Chuck! 290 00:12:06,842 --> 00:12:08,776 Maybe get off your rich, bony asses 291 00:12:08,801 --> 00:12:11,965 and create a commission for my Green New Deal, honey! 292 00:12:11,990 --> 00:12:13,317 - Done. - Oh, thank God. 293 00:12:13,439 --> 00:12:15,720 I thought I was gonna have to give up those nail clippers! 294 00:12:16,511 --> 00:12:20,051 If there's a hell, I'm pretty sure we're gonna go. 295 00:12:20,076 --> 00:12:22,645 Oh, Jesus. Enough with the hell talk, Eric. 296 00:12:22,670 --> 00:12:24,450 Everything's gonna be fine, 297 00:12:24,475 --> 00:12:27,176 after Giuliani turns in another flawless performance. 298 00:12:27,455 --> 00:12:30,814 Isn't this hotel an obvious scam designed to enrich the President? 299 00:12:30,845 --> 00:12:32,706 D-D-D-D... I'm gonna stop you right there, Chuck. 300 00:12:32,730 --> 00:12:34,964 If anything, it would be illegal for the President 301 00:12:34,989 --> 00:12:36,879 not to build Trump Tower Moscow. 302 00:12:36,904 --> 00:12:39,442 Sure, he's gonna make a buck, but he has to run a building. 303 00:12:39,492 --> 00:12:42,393 He's got some hairy Olaf guy calling him at 3 a.m. 304 00:12:42,418 --> 00:12:43,617 saying the pipes are banging. 305 00:12:43,642 --> 00:12:45,875 Donald's gotta climb 80 floors in sweatpants, 306 00:12:45,900 --> 00:12:48,520 rip down the plaster, take out his big, goofy flashlight, 307 00:12:48,545 --> 00:12:49,777 act like he knows what he's doing. 308 00:12:49,801 --> 00:12:51,467 He doesn't know what he's doing! 309 00:12:52,430 --> 00:12:53,629 Oh, Donald's calling. Hold on. 310 00:12:53,653 --> 00:12:55,387 - What are you doing?! - What did I say? 311 00:12:55,958 --> 00:12:58,247 - Wow. Ok... Rings a bell. - ... fucking asshole! 312 00:12:58,272 --> 00:13:00,272 Ahh, you're kidding me. All right. Let me tr... 313 00:13:00,288 --> 00:13:01,880 Okay. I'll try. I'll try. Okay. 314 00:13:01,905 --> 00:13:03,865 All right. Let me get back to what I said about... 315 00:13:04,035 --> 00:13:05,635 I forgot. Hold on. Let me call him back. 316 00:13:07,346 --> 00:13:09,487 - Is it on? - Is it working? 317 00:13:09,560 --> 00:13:10,925 Hello, constituents. 318 00:13:10,950 --> 00:13:14,838 Join the new "I'm with Blue, how about you?" campaign 319 00:13:14,863 --> 00:13:16,095 to urge Democrats 320 00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:18,509 to drop the fight for a livable minimum wage. 321 00:13:18,534 --> 00:13:20,085 Okay. No, honey, let's cut. 322 00:13:20,109 --> 00:13:21,341 We didn't get to announce 323 00:13:21,366 --> 00:13:24,573 which donor tier gets an XL Monsanto shirt! 324 00:13:24,598 --> 00:13:26,291 Low-key, people are tired 325 00:13:26,316 --> 00:13:28,643 of scripted, focus-grouped messages. 326 00:13:28,668 --> 00:13:30,701 They want passionate leaders. 327 00:13:30,844 --> 00:13:32,752 Great. Which passions are polling the best? 328 00:13:32,777 --> 00:13:35,471 Forget it. I gotta go to Senator Dick Durbin's party. 329 00:13:35,510 --> 00:13:36,869 It's gonna be lit! 330 00:13:36,894 --> 00:13:38,326 Chuck! 331 00:13:38,351 --> 00:13:41,057 We weren't invited to the Durbin Derby! 332 00:13:41,082 --> 00:13:42,882 But I kept that secret about him using 333 00:13:42,907 --> 00:13:45,534 the Congressional blow dryer on his bean bag! 334 00:13:45,559 --> 00:13:47,166 Alexandria, wait! 335 00:13:47,191 --> 00:13:48,713 We can do this. 336 00:13:50,202 --> 00:13:52,409 Sir, we've tried everything to convince the country 337 00:13:52,434 --> 00:13:54,634 to build your wacky hotel, including releasing 338 00:13:54,659 --> 00:13:57,369 a limited-edition Trump Tower Moscow Man cereal. 339 00:13:57,394 --> 00:13:59,393 Unfortunately, it tasted like bricks. 340 00:13:59,418 --> 00:14:02,832 Have you considered just declaring another national emergency? 341 00:14:02,857 --> 00:14:05,050 How dare you suggest such a thing! 342 00:14:05,075 --> 00:14:06,949 I learned my lesson and will never again 343 00:14:06,974 --> 00:14:09,317 violate my sacred duty to the Constitu... 344 00:14:09,342 --> 00:14:11,109 I'm kidding. It's done. What's for lunch? 345 00:14:12,725 --> 00:14:15,100 I requested a joint session of Congress 346 00:14:15,125 --> 00:14:17,162 because I supposedly negotiated 347 00:14:17,187 --> 00:14:20,632 a two-state solution between Israel and Palestine. 348 00:14:20,657 --> 00:14:22,593 The truth is, I've done nothing of the sort. 349 00:14:22,618 --> 00:14:25,577 Yay! Fight! Fight! Fight! Yay! 350 00:14:25,602 --> 00:14:27,268 Actually, I'm just letting you know 351 00:14:27,293 --> 00:14:29,874 that because you guys are being such jerks about it, 352 00:14:29,899 --> 00:14:32,533 I'm declaring a national emergency 353 00:14:32,558 --> 00:14:34,558 to build Trump Tower Moscow! 354 00:14:34,583 --> 00:14:36,106 Boo! 355 00:14:36,131 --> 00:14:37,997 Come on. You love it. 356 00:14:39,917 --> 00:14:41,840 We're here with my squad. 357 00:14:41,883 --> 00:14:44,703 There's the OG, Chuck Schumer... 358 00:14:44,728 --> 00:14:45,793 Mr. Cool! 359 00:14:45,818 --> 00:14:49,747 ... and Queen Nancy Pelosi! 360 00:14:49,772 --> 00:14:51,638 Fancy Nancy! 361 00:14:51,663 --> 00:14:55,332 And we think that before we build hotels in Moscow, 362 00:14:55,357 --> 00:14:58,935 we need to focus on a Green New Deal, honey! 363 00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:01,293 Yes, and how will we pay for it? 364 00:15:01,318 --> 00:15:03,018 You guys know the dealio. 365 00:15:03,043 --> 00:15:05,731 Massive tax increases on the wealthy! 366 00:15:05,756 --> 00:15:08,023 Yo, honey! Okurrr! 367 00:15:08,674 --> 00:15:11,838 Wow! It's so easy declaring a national emergency! 368 00:15:11,863 --> 00:15:14,831 I might do another one tomorrow. Depends what's on TV. 369 00:15:14,856 --> 00:15:16,362 Anyway, let's break ground 370 00:15:16,387 --> 00:15:18,988 before this Bezos guy starts mowing my lawn. 371 00:15:19,013 --> 00:15:20,315 Oh, bad news, kiddo. 372 00:15:20,340 --> 00:15:23,308 I just found this pesky regulation in the NATO charter 373 00:15:23,333 --> 00:15:24,792 that says you can't build here 374 00:15:24,817 --> 00:15:26,636 unless you pull out of NATO, of course. 375 00:15:26,740 --> 00:15:28,042 - Really? - Yeah, yeah. 376 00:15:28,067 --> 00:15:29,940 It's in the really long and boring part. 377 00:15:29,990 --> 00:15:32,458 Ugh! That sounds really long and boring. 378 00:15:32,547 --> 00:15:34,980 Problem is, everything everyone says I can't do, 379 00:15:35,005 --> 00:15:37,089 I do, and everyone's like, "Fine. Whatever." 380 00:15:37,114 --> 00:15:38,699 But pulling out of NATO is the one thing 381 00:15:38,723 --> 00:15:40,738 everyone's like, "No, that one you really can't do." 382 00:15:40,762 --> 00:15:41,956 Aww. Too bad. 383 00:15:41,981 --> 00:15:44,003 Hey! Uh, Trump's too much of a wuss! 384 00:15:44,028 --> 00:15:46,606 - Bezos, it's a go! - Fantastic! 385 00:15:46,631 --> 00:15:50,106 My distribution center is gonna have 50 floors, one bathroom, 386 00:15:50,131 --> 00:15:51,724 and a really nice restaurant. 387 00:15:51,749 --> 00:15:54,683 Hey! Making the restaurant really nice was my idea! 388 00:15:54,708 --> 00:15:56,209 H-How do I pull out of NATO? 389 00:15:56,234 --> 00:15:59,108 I don't have an Allen wrench, FYI, if that's a part of it. 390 00:16:02,983 --> 00:16:04,920 - Ahh... - Ohh... 391 00:16:05,305 --> 00:16:07,131 Aah! Free college! 392 00:16:07,156 --> 00:16:09,928 Chuck, wake up! What happened last night? 393 00:16:09,953 --> 00:16:12,327 I had this dream we promised to do some stuff 394 00:16:12,352 --> 00:16:14,647 that would require a political spine. 395 00:16:14,672 --> 00:16:16,601 Your housekeepers are probably just poisoning you. 396 00:16:16,625 --> 00:16:18,125 It happens to all of us eventually. 397 00:16:18,150 --> 00:16:19,522 Well, should we head outside 398 00:16:19,547 --> 00:16:21,811 and joylessly pursue our modest goals? 399 00:16:21,836 --> 00:16:23,467 After you, my hack. 400 00:16:25,081 --> 00:16:28,080 - We love you, Nancy! - We Stan you, Chuck! 401 00:16:28,285 --> 00:16:30,674 - Eat the rich! - "Eat the rich"? 402 00:16:30,699 --> 00:16:32,666 What the hell are these people talking about?! 403 00:16:32,691 --> 00:16:35,815 AOC! That bitch! 404 00:16:37,632 --> 00:16:39,119 Just want to thank you all 405 00:16:39,144 --> 00:16:41,604 for supporting my emergency declaration. 406 00:16:41,629 --> 00:16:42,635 Ehh... 407 00:16:42,660 --> 00:16:45,471 And I was thinking, what better way to celebrate 408 00:16:45,496 --> 00:16:48,026 - than to pull out of NATO? - Whoa! 409 00:16:48,051 --> 00:16:50,651 Pulling out of NATO is nuts! And that's coming from someone 410 00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:52,471 who sleeps upside down in a coffin. 411 00:16:52,496 --> 00:16:56,064 I sleep on my side, and my wife says that sometimes I snore. 412 00:16:56,089 --> 00:16:58,307 Pompeo, just because people are talking 413 00:16:58,332 --> 00:16:59,924 doesn't mean you have to talk, too. 414 00:16:59,949 --> 00:17:03,572 Sir, an international conspiracy between autocratic populists 415 00:17:03,597 --> 00:17:04,996 is a two-way street. 416 00:17:05,021 --> 00:17:06,855 I see you doing things for Putin, 417 00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:08,705 but what has he done for you? 418 00:17:08,730 --> 00:17:11,097 He does things for America all the time. 419 00:17:11,122 --> 00:17:12,922 Moana. Yeah, I think he did that. 420 00:17:12,947 --> 00:17:15,278 The supermoon was his. You're just jealous. 421 00:17:15,303 --> 00:17:17,837 My wife gets jealous when I spend too much time 422 00:17:17,862 --> 00:17:19,094 watching the ballgame. 423 00:17:19,119 --> 00:17:21,036 She hates you, Pompeo! Everyone does! 424 00:17:21,061 --> 00:17:22,560 You're like if curdled milk grew a mouth 425 00:17:22,584 --> 00:17:24,301 and couldn't all the way zip his pants. 426 00:17:25,689 --> 00:17:28,278 Good point, @PikaChoomGang87. 427 00:17:28,303 --> 00:17:32,338 We can't prepare for climate refugees until we abolish ICE. 428 00:17:32,363 --> 00:17:35,239 Hold that thought. AOC needs a pizza bagel. 429 00:17:36,342 --> 00:17:37,942 You ruined us! 430 00:17:37,983 --> 00:17:41,084 Now our donors think we're some kind of liberals! 431 00:17:41,109 --> 00:17:43,676 Do you know how many bags of Monsanto fertilizer 432 00:17:43,701 --> 00:17:45,918 I'm gonna have to chug to get my calls returned?! 433 00:17:45,943 --> 00:17:48,544 You do realize that just because you cracked the screen 434 00:17:48,569 --> 00:17:50,661 doesn't mean that you broke the camera. 435 00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:54,463 So all this is... 'Gramming out? 436 00:17:54,488 --> 00:17:56,122 Say hi to two million people 437 00:17:56,146 --> 00:17:58,495 who got into politics maybe five months ago! 438 00:17:59,750 --> 00:18:02,230 Can you believe my Cabinet thinks you're using me? 439 00:18:02,294 --> 00:18:05,292 Look, you don't need a Cabinet. Okay? That settles that. 440 00:18:05,317 --> 00:18:07,495 Okay, so, for the Trump Tower Lobby, 441 00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:10,503 I'm thinking some gold, maybe a front desk with a lady. 442 00:18:10,528 --> 00:18:12,675 Ahh, forget about the stupid tower. 443 00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:14,800 You need to focus on pulling out of NATO. 444 00:18:14,825 --> 00:18:17,726 Back up! Did you just call the tower stupid? 445 00:18:17,751 --> 00:18:19,851 Trump, I love you, but if you don't pull out of NATO, 446 00:18:19,876 --> 00:18:21,238 this is not going to work. 447 00:18:21,263 --> 00:18:23,697 No. You hang up fir... 448 00:18:23,801 --> 00:18:24,903 God damn it! 449 00:18:25,890 --> 00:18:27,690 No one say a friggin' word! 450 00:18:27,715 --> 00:18:29,833 I called an emergency joint session 451 00:18:29,858 --> 00:18:32,723 to say I didn't want that tower in the first place! 452 00:18:32,748 --> 00:18:34,427 I'm perfectly happy as... 453 00:18:35,523 --> 00:18:36,575 president. 454 00:18:36,690 --> 00:18:40,458 I don't need portraits of beaches in the lobby, 455 00:18:40,483 --> 00:18:43,059 a pool with eye-hurting water, 456 00:18:43,084 --> 00:18:46,286 one person at the front desk who isn't waiting on anybody, 457 00:18:46,311 --> 00:18:47,944 but you can't talk to them 458 00:18:47,969 --> 00:18:50,236 because they're looking down at something! 459 00:18:52,647 --> 00:18:54,145 It hurts so bad! 460 00:18:54,364 --> 00:18:57,106 I'm still gonna support him, but just out of pity. 461 00:18:58,544 --> 00:19:00,450 Nom-nom-nom-nom! 462 00:19:00,522 --> 00:19:02,288 You're too good for that tower, sir. 463 00:19:02,313 --> 00:19:04,947 You need to get back out there and build another monstrosity, 464 00:19:04,972 --> 00:19:06,471 maybe a detention center 465 00:19:06,496 --> 00:19:09,028 or a self-sealing cube for menstruating women. 466 00:19:09,053 --> 00:19:12,087 I'm just worried that I let my soulmate get away. 467 00:19:18,454 --> 00:19:20,235 We're in a pickle, Chuck. 468 00:19:20,260 --> 00:19:22,794 If we act like ourselves, we're despised, 469 00:19:22,819 --> 00:19:25,392 but if we act like AOC, we're popular. 470 00:19:25,417 --> 00:19:26,717 What do we do?! 471 00:19:26,742 --> 00:19:29,478 Let's just become Republicans. 472 00:19:29,503 --> 00:19:32,556 Ah, we couldn't live with ourselves if we got stuff done. 473 00:19:32,581 --> 00:19:35,381 You're right. You know what? We should open a travel agency! 474 00:19:35,406 --> 00:19:38,416 No one uses travel agents anymore. 475 00:19:38,441 --> 00:19:40,869 Exactly! We'd be the only ones out there! 476 00:19:40,894 --> 00:19:44,863 But no one uses them! That's why they don't exist! 477 00:19:44,888 --> 00:19:47,697 I know! That's the point! 478 00:19:52,321 --> 00:19:54,650 Someone's got the sillies. What got into you? 479 00:19:54,711 --> 00:19:56,510 I had a great idea last night. 480 00:19:56,535 --> 00:19:59,431 What if we build Trump Tower Moscow... 481 00:19:59,470 --> 00:20:02,306 in Rio, Brazil, baby?! 482 00:20:02,331 --> 00:20:05,236 Dad, that sounds awesome, but the only place 483 00:20:05,261 --> 00:20:08,643 you're building Trump Tower Moscow Rio is in Moscow. 484 00:20:08,825 --> 00:20:11,956 Why? Because you're still hung up on that hot-ass hotel. 485 00:20:11,981 --> 00:20:13,079 I'm so not. 486 00:20:13,104 --> 00:20:14,870 Then why did I find this under your bed 487 00:20:14,895 --> 00:20:17,636 next to blueprints for something called Pizza Car? 488 00:20:17,737 --> 00:20:20,004 Ever since you launched your campaign, 489 00:20:20,029 --> 00:20:23,542 the Democrats, Robert Mueller, everyone on Earth 490 00:20:23,599 --> 00:20:26,600 has been trying to figure out why you kiss Russia's ass, 491 00:20:26,625 --> 00:20:29,370 as if it's something more complicated than it is. 492 00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:30,494 What is it? 493 00:20:30,519 --> 00:20:33,323 Love... of a shit ton of money. 494 00:20:33,450 --> 00:20:36,604 But the tower's moved on with Jeff Bezos. 495 00:20:36,681 --> 00:20:40,032 A lot of towers would love your name on them. That I know. 496 00:20:40,150 --> 00:20:43,181 But sometimes the tower that you were meant for 497 00:20:43,206 --> 00:20:46,548 was right in front of you all along in Moscow. 498 00:20:46,744 --> 00:20:48,126 Now go to it. 499 00:20:49,402 --> 00:20:52,751 If we hold a vote on AOC's Green New Deal, 500 00:20:52,776 --> 00:20:55,986 we'll get disinvited from Exxon's Christmas party. 501 00:20:56,073 --> 00:20:59,189 Pitbull was there last year. Pitbull! 502 00:20:59,214 --> 00:21:01,673 Maybe this is the only copy. Throw it in the microwave. 503 00:21:06,487 --> 00:21:08,888 You know, I once heard the next generation 504 00:21:08,913 --> 00:21:10,892 is looking for passionate leaders. 505 00:21:10,918 --> 00:21:13,072 Maybe the only way to keep power 506 00:21:13,097 --> 00:21:16,618 is to get out there and fight for what we're told is right! 507 00:21:16,658 --> 00:21:19,626 Oh, boy. Nadler's gonna take his clippers back, isn't he? 508 00:21:19,973 --> 00:21:22,103 It's called courage, Chuck. 509 00:21:24,898 --> 00:21:28,148 I'm flying to Moscow and telling that tower how I feel, 510 00:21:28,173 --> 00:21:29,744 but, first, I'm gonna watch a quick eight 511 00:21:29,768 --> 00:21:31,743 - straight hours of TV. - Ass yeah! 512 00:21:36,683 --> 00:21:39,184 Dad! Jeff Bezos is breaking ground 513 00:21:39,209 --> 00:21:41,978 on his Moscow distribution center in 12 hours! 514 00:21:42,003 --> 00:21:44,971 The flight is nine hours! I'll never make it in time! 515 00:21:44,996 --> 00:21:46,041 - Aww, man. - Ugh! 516 00:21:46,066 --> 00:21:47,135 Aww! Wait! 517 00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:49,407 You can watch TV on the plane! 518 00:21:49,542 --> 00:21:51,118 Eric, you're a genius! 519 00:21:52,207 --> 00:21:53,223 Madam Speaker, 520 00:21:53,247 --> 00:21:56,246 I urge you to bring House Resolution 1878, 521 00:21:56,271 --> 00:21:58,636 the establishment of a Green New Deal Commission, 522 00:21:58,661 --> 00:22:00,973 to the floor. And to co-sponsor this bill, 523 00:22:00,998 --> 00:22:04,326 I brought with me today Queer Eye sensation Jonathan Van Ness! 524 00:22:04,452 --> 00:22:08,060 I'm talking less greenhouse gases, more renewable energy. 525 00:22:08,085 --> 00:22:11,482 I'm talking a 40%-to-60% reduction in emissions 526 00:22:11,507 --> 00:22:14,529 from 2010 levels by 2030, honey! 527 00:22:17,808 --> 00:22:19,160 I'll be okay. 528 00:22:19,945 --> 00:22:23,145 This nation's greatest accomplishments were the result 529 00:22:23,170 --> 00:22:26,879 of leaders soberly pursuing reasonable goals. 530 00:22:26,973 --> 00:22:28,839 Like when Martin Luther King Jr. 531 00:22:28,864 --> 00:22:31,504 stood on the steps and said those inspiring words, 532 00:22:31,756 --> 00:22:34,809 "I have a dream, but it will never get through the Senate." 533 00:22:35,043 --> 00:22:37,239 But that's not the world we live in anymore. 534 00:22:37,264 --> 00:22:41,209 We live in the world of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, 535 00:22:41,234 --> 00:22:43,501 where passionately pursuing your beliefs 536 00:22:43,526 --> 00:22:45,014 is somehow more important 537 00:22:45,039 --> 00:22:47,435 than not making donor dinners awkward. 538 00:22:47,460 --> 00:22:51,420 And that's why I support this absurd bill! 539 00:22:52,555 --> 00:22:54,088 All in favor? 540 00:22:54,113 --> 00:22:55,178 Aye! 541 00:22:55,250 --> 00:22:56,949 And the ayes have it. 542 00:22:57,028 --> 00:22:59,217 Chuck, you'll take it from here. 543 00:22:59,372 --> 00:23:01,739 On behalf of the United States Senate, 544 00:23:01,764 --> 00:23:04,713 I pronounce this bill dead on arrival! 545 00:23:06,429 --> 00:23:08,916 Whoo! Yippee! 546 00:23:10,356 --> 00:23:12,566 Oh, I'm so nervous. H-H-How do I look? 547 00:23:12,591 --> 00:23:15,457 If it's meant to be, it won't matter how long your tie is. 548 00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:19,285 Don, I couldn't have done it without you, my best friend. 549 00:23:21,070 --> 00:23:23,183 I can't say it without laughing! 550 00:23:23,935 --> 00:23:26,629 Who's best friends with their dad?! 551 00:23:26,654 --> 00:23:27,980 Pathetic! 552 00:23:28,134 --> 00:23:31,019 And now to break ground on this distribution center 553 00:23:31,044 --> 00:23:33,445 whose working conditions terrify even me. 554 00:23:35,349 --> 00:23:37,019 Shit! Ass! We're too late! 555 00:23:37,952 --> 00:23:40,967 N-o-o-o-o! 556 00:23:40,992 --> 00:23:43,928 Aaaaah! 557 00:23:43,953 --> 00:23:45,819 Whoa! Jesus Christ, Donald! 558 00:23:45,844 --> 00:23:48,209 There's a lot of vital organs where that shovel is! 559 00:23:48,234 --> 00:23:50,990 Hey. This is the healthiest thing I've ever put in my body. 560 00:23:51,101 --> 00:23:54,603 Look, Putin, no one is getting between me and that tower, 561 00:23:54,628 --> 00:23:56,795 especially you and Jerk Bozo. 562 00:23:56,820 --> 00:23:58,352 That's my new nickname for him. 563 00:23:58,377 --> 00:23:59,850 Do we like it? We like it. 564 00:23:59,885 --> 00:24:02,352 Donald, listen. I have given the land to Bezos. 565 00:24:02,377 --> 00:24:04,490 Unlike you, he actually has the power 566 00:24:04,515 --> 00:24:06,303 to get the U.S. to pull out of NATO. 567 00:24:06,328 --> 00:24:07,928 Hold it right there, Vladimir. 568 00:24:07,953 --> 00:24:10,123 Like so many Amazon employees, 569 00:24:10,148 --> 00:24:13,303 Donald here has sacrificed his vital organs to make a buck, 570 00:24:13,407 --> 00:24:15,240 and there's something to be said for that. 571 00:24:15,313 --> 00:24:18,775 So you're giving me the land so I can build my cool hotel?! 572 00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:20,705 Oh, God, no. I got to make a buck, too. 573 00:24:20,730 --> 00:24:22,128 So let's break this ground! 574 00:24:25,162 --> 00:24:27,127 There's gonna be so much piss and shit. 575 00:24:27,152 --> 00:24:28,298 It's gonna be great. 576 00:24:28,707 --> 00:24:30,744 Don, pull the plane around. 577 00:24:30,864 --> 00:24:33,498 I literally have no idea how to do that. 578 00:24:33,523 --> 00:24:37,002 Don, you're embarrassing me. Pull around the plane. 579 00:24:39,246 --> 00:24:42,947 Well, Chuck, we held onto power for one more day. 580 00:24:43,029 --> 00:24:44,432 Do you think we'll ever kill someone 581 00:24:44,456 --> 00:24:45,962 in the name of preserving our status? 582 00:24:45,987 --> 00:24:49,595 There's a lot of bends in the river of life. Who knows? 583 00:24:49,741 --> 00:24:53,103 Hey. I know you really wanted this, so here you go. 584 00:24:53,698 --> 00:24:54,768 Oh, my God. 585 00:24:54,793 --> 00:24:56,582 - Where did you get these?! - I promised 586 00:24:56,607 --> 00:24:58,786 Jerry Nadler I'd teach him to floss dance. 587 00:24:59,482 --> 00:25:02,435 So, some other freshmen congresspeople and I 588 00:25:02,460 --> 00:25:03,678 are going to Twitch stream ourselves 589 00:25:03,702 --> 00:25:06,489 eating fast casual ramen and talking wage slavery. 590 00:25:06,514 --> 00:25:07,607 You should come. 591 00:25:08,655 --> 00:25:10,536 You know... we just might. 592 00:25:12,465 --> 00:25:14,465 She didn't tell us where she lives. 593 00:25:15,387 --> 00:25:16,451 Shit. 594 00:25:25,115 --> 00:25:27,349 Are you gonna get that thing taken out? 595 00:25:28,285 --> 00:25:30,052 Nah. I kinda like it. 596 00:25:30,077 --> 00:25:32,146 It's like my own little kickstand. 597 00:25:32,673 --> 00:25:33,772 How ya doin'? 598 00:25:33,875 --> 00:25:35,622 I-I'm serious. How are you doing? 599 00:25:35,647 --> 00:25:37,333 I'm all right. I'm just learning 600 00:25:37,358 --> 00:25:39,591 to love the dictator I see in the mirror. 601 00:25:39,616 --> 00:25:40,997 Good for you. 602 00:25:43,202 --> 00:25:44,667 Hey. Uhh... 603 00:25:44,692 --> 00:25:47,404 Kim Jong-un says if we lift sanctions on North Korea, 604 00:25:47,429 --> 00:25:49,068 he'll build Trump Tower Pyongyang. 605 00:25:49,180 --> 00:25:52,052 Should I tell him you're taking time for yourself, or...? 606 00:25:52,077 --> 00:25:54,143 Hey, Kim Jong-un! 607 00:25:54,168 --> 00:25:57,069 I know your nation isn't big on feeding people, 608 00:25:57,094 --> 00:26:00,052 but what do you think about really nice restaurants? 609 00:26:01,290 --> 00:26:04,914 ♪ Donald Trump is the president ♪ 610 00:26:04,939 --> 00:26:08,172 ♪ Donald Trump is the president ♪ 611 00:26:08,628 --> 00:26:11,095 ♪ Is Donald Trump the president? ♪ 612 00:26:11,127 --> 00:26:12,502 ♪ Yes, he is ♪ 613 00:26:12,527 --> 00:26:15,494 ♪ Yes, he is, we elected him president ♪ 614 00:26:15,519 --> 00:26:18,198 ♪ Is Donald Trump the president? ♪ 615 00:26:18,311 --> 00:26:19,497 ♪ Yes, he is ♪ 616 00:26:19,522 --> 00:26:22,559 ♪ We had a vote and elected him president ♪ 617 00:26:22,773 --> 00:26:27,936 ♪ Donald Trump is the president ♪ 618 00:26:29,969 --> 00:26:31,546 ♪ Donald Trump ♪ 619 00:26:31,571 --> 00:26:34,320 ♪ He is our president ♪ 620 00:26:35,099 --> 00:26:37,765 ♪ We made him president ♪ 621 00:26:38,656 --> 00:26:40,702 ♪ We did it ♪ 622 00:26:40,727 --> 00:26:43,984 ♪ Donald Trump is the president ♪ 623 00:26:44,734 --> 00:26:47,336 ♪ We elected Donald Trump ♪ 624 00:26:47,898 --> 00:26:51,006 ♪ Donald Trump is the president ♪ 625 00:26:51,461 --> 00:26:54,922 ♪ Donald Trump is the president ♪ 626 00:26:55,079 --> 00:26:58,564 ♪ Yeah ♪ 627 00:26:58,589 --> 00:26:59,589 Trump! 628 00:27:01,174 --> 00:27:03,298 Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com 48313

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