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The blue flower of Novalis
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I carry you as my own:
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Mutant dorsum, death.
4
00:00:44,642 --> 00:00:47,475
For millennia I have known of you
Never have I met you.
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00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:50,392
We, time's consorts
Beloved death
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00:00:50,683 --> 00:00:52,850
I kiss you on your flank
Your teeth,
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00:00:52,975 --> 00:00:54,808
Incandescent I walk
by your chance and mine.
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00:00:54,933 --> 00:00:58,142
I ride you horseback. I try.
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00:01:00,933 --> 00:01:02,767
You will lose
All the hours from me
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00:01:02,892 --> 00:01:05,433
For you will take me
At one given hour only.
11
00:01:05,558 --> 00:01:08,767
And perhaps you will come
At a hollow, Insipid instant.
12
00:01:10,142 --> 00:01:12,183
Just imagine what you will lose,
13
00:01:12,308 --> 00:01:14,850
I who lived in the red
Being a poet,
14
00:01:15,017 --> 00:01:17,225
and walked down
Blazing paths
15
00:01:17,517 --> 00:01:18,683
I crossed the sun
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00:01:18,808 --> 00:01:21,183
I touched the inner walls
of friends
17
00:01:21,433 --> 00:01:23,392
My mouth on all feelings
18
00:01:23,558 --> 00:01:27,225
And I was taken, wounded
by haunts, by thrills
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00:01:27,558 --> 00:01:29,850
Just imagine that, death.
20
00:01:48,558 --> 00:01:51,183
I have a huge vitamin D deficiency.
21
00:01:51,308 --> 00:01:54,975
So I have to sunbathe,
which I hate,
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00:01:55,100 --> 00:01:58,058
but I do it every single day.
23
00:01:58,350 --> 00:02:02,392
Ten minutes on the tongue,
ten on the hands and ten in the asshole.
24
00:02:03,267 --> 00:02:06,225
The coffee!
25
00:02:13,517 --> 00:02:16,475
You know I'm nobody without coffee.
26
00:02:17,058 --> 00:02:19,892
What are you doing so far away?
I don't like that.
27
00:02:20,017 --> 00:02:22,850
Come closer.
Come!
28
00:02:26,808 --> 00:02:30,558
What I really like is Italian espresso.
29
00:02:30,767 --> 00:02:35,350
If I could, I'd have one of those
machines at home,
30
00:02:35,725 --> 00:02:40,725
But then I'd spend even more
time at home than I usually do.
31
00:02:40,850 --> 00:02:45,767
But hand drip coffee reminds me
of my grandma, dona Leoneta.
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00:02:48,308 --> 00:02:55,642
Well, everything reminds me of something,
I'm Pisces with Cancer rising.
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00:02:56,475 --> 00:03:00,350
Pisces with Cancer rising...
It's like
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00:03:00,433 --> 00:03:04,517
Dory from “Finding Nemo”
dying of lymphoma.
35
00:03:05,683 --> 00:03:08,017
We cry a lot.
36
00:03:09,892 --> 00:03:11,517
Do you want some coffee?
37
00:03:11,850 --> 00:03:13,642
No, thank you.
38
00:03:36,933 --> 00:03:39,392
Well, if anybody wants some,
39
00:03:41,058 --> 00:03:42,933
just help yourselves.
40
00:03:43,725 --> 00:03:46,975
What is your earliest memory?
41
00:03:48,392 --> 00:03:49,267
Before that...
42
00:03:49,350 --> 00:03:54,183
You've noticed I had a job done
because of the film, right?
43
00:03:54,475 --> 00:03:55,683
A job?
44
00:03:55,767 --> 00:04:00,267
On my face, Gustavo,
don't be a hypocrite.
45
00:04:02,933 --> 00:04:04,475
A plastic job?
46
00:04:04,642 --> 00:04:08,017
It's plastic all right.
It's called methacrylate,
47
00:04:08,100 --> 00:04:14,308
they're acrylic microspheres,
which enhance facial volume.
48
00:04:14,433 --> 00:04:18,058
- You did it for the film?
- For life, rather.
49
00:04:18,183 --> 00:04:22,392
But I didn't think it was appropriate
to be immortalized with that face I had...
50
00:04:22,517 --> 00:04:26,517
- What face?
- That miserable... mournful...
51
00:04:26,642 --> 00:04:29,433
wretched face.
52
00:04:29,558 --> 00:04:33,267
- A miserable face.
- Why?
53
00:04:34,433 --> 00:04:41,017
Because I took AZT in the early 2000s,
when I found out I had HIV,
54
00:04:41,392 --> 00:04:46,725
and then I had some lipodystrophy,
which has gotten worse in recent years.
55
00:04:46,850 --> 00:04:50,350
I don't know if my friends were
too nice and didn't say anything
56
00:04:50,433 --> 00:04:55,933
or people just didn't notice it as I do,
because I look at myself every day.
57
00:04:56,558 --> 00:04:59,350
And do you think it's better now?
58
00:04:59,850 --> 00:05:02,642
I do! I think it's better.
59
00:05:02,850 --> 00:05:06,475
I have Venus in Taurus,
I need aesthetic comfort.
60
00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:14,892
And when did you get infected?
61
00:05:16,350 --> 00:05:19,850
I must have been around 22,
62
00:05:24,225 --> 00:05:27,350
I must have been 22 because...
63
00:05:27,933 --> 00:05:32,142
that's what my right
hand line indicates,
64
00:05:34,808 --> 00:05:38,308
which is completely different
from the left hand.
65
00:05:38,475 --> 00:05:39,545
- How so?
66
00:05:39,590 --> 00:05:42,933
- The left is the hand
of your potentialities.
67
00:05:43,308 --> 00:05:47,975
The right hand shows what
you've done with your life.
68
00:05:48,183 --> 00:05:53,100
And on my right hand there's a
break that isn't on my left hand.
69
00:05:53,350 --> 00:05:58,975
And it's a break that,
by the calculations that Indians make,
70
00:05:59,475 --> 00:06:05,142
falls exactly on the year 2002,
which was when I got infected with HIV.
71
00:06:05,850 --> 00:06:11,017
Do you think that HIV is so important
as to leave a mark on your life line?
72
00:06:11,808 --> 00:06:14,392
Isn't it important to you?
73
00:06:14,517 --> 00:06:17,683
Maybe it's not important to
people on the outside.
74
00:06:17,975 --> 00:06:20,475
But it's important to someone
who was born in 1980
75
00:06:20,642 --> 00:06:24,558
and saw that atrocious cover of
Veja magazine with Cazuza
76
00:06:24,683 --> 00:06:28,892
and his family and
all the homosexuals
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00:06:29,558 --> 00:06:31,475
who had HIV.
78
00:06:32,267 --> 00:06:35,350
Maybe not from a
practical point of view,
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00:06:35,850 --> 00:06:39,058
I know I won't actually die of HIV.
80
00:06:39,350 --> 00:06:43,558
But from a symbolic point of view,
think it's still a huge burden.
81
00:06:43,725 --> 00:06:49,350
Not HIV, but...
all that's been built around it.
82
00:06:50,475 --> 00:06:55,808
So yeah, I think it's enough
for a break in the hand line.
83
00:06:57,350 --> 00:07:00,100
There was a damaging aspect,
which was
84
00:07:00,392 --> 00:07:06,017
having fulfilled a prediction of the most
homophobic people in my family,
85
00:07:06,267 --> 00:07:11,392
who associate HIV with homosexuality.
86
00:07:11,517 --> 00:07:15,142
This is still a little
troublesome to me...
87
00:07:16,558 --> 00:07:21,725
Thinking that I've done almost everything
they imagine homosexuals will do.
88
00:07:22,017 --> 00:07:24,308
Doing drugs,
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00:07:24,808 --> 00:07:28,267
Doing drag at least once in life.
90
00:07:32,933 --> 00:07:36,517
But in the end,
these things that some homosexuals do
91
00:07:36,683 --> 00:07:43,142
aren't as terrible as my grandmother
would like me to think they are.
92
00:07:44,475 --> 00:07:49,308
So maybe the only thing that
bothers me is people being like,
93
00:07:49,642 --> 00:07:53,475
“Oh but you've become the
stereotypical homosexual
94
00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:56,392
your grandma was afraid
you would become.”
95
00:07:57,033 --> 00:08:01,283
Today I even pride myself on having
become the very person my grandma
96
00:08:01,450 --> 00:08:03,367
tried so hard for me not to be.
97
00:08:04,075 --> 00:08:10,158
I guess that HIV adds a certain
calculated tragedy to my life.
98
00:08:10,325 --> 00:08:13,033
I mean, I know I'm not going to die...
99
00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:15,825
I'm not Camille, see?
100
00:08:15,950 --> 00:08:18,742
But there's this Camille-like mystique.
101
00:08:18,867 --> 00:08:22,575
There's something deeply
Christian about me.
102
00:08:22,908 --> 00:08:24,533
I guess it's got
to do with having
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00:08:24,658 --> 00:08:28,075
grown up in a Catholic home
filled with images of saints
104
00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:32,158
and bibles with pictures by
Rembrandt and Caravaggio.
105
00:08:33,492 --> 00:08:38,367
And I'm Pisces, so there's this
idea of calculated... martyrdom.
106
00:08:38,617 --> 00:08:45,825
It's as if I could die a thousand times.
HIV in 2018 adds this mystique.
107
00:08:46,700 --> 00:08:49,075
Can I tell the story of a saint?
108
00:08:49,283 --> 00:08:52,867
There's this saint, I think it was Saint
Barth-No, Saint Bartholomew was...
109
00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:55,033
They skinned him.
110
00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:59,367
There's this saint who was a
converted Roman patrician and
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00:08:59,658 --> 00:09:02,658
he was sentenced to the grill.
112
00:09:03,050 --> 00:09:03,967
A grill, really.
113
00:09:04,050 --> 00:09:07,092
People used to place a grill over
a charcoal fire and
114
00:09:07,175 --> 00:09:10,050
the convict was burned alive.
115
00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:16,175
After I read the story of this saint,
I thought a lot about the role of humor
116
00:09:16,300 --> 00:09:19,633
for people who suffer a lot or
who are really dense.
117
00:09:19,967 --> 00:09:23,592
They say that a Roman soldier
who was torturing this saint
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00:09:23,717 --> 00:09:25,258
whose name I don't remember
119
00:09:25,508 --> 00:09:27,633
said something to tease him
and he replied like,
120
00:09:27,758 --> 00:09:29,717
“Nah, I'm fine,
121
00:09:30,050 --> 00:09:33,342
it's just that I'm done on this side,
could you turn me over?”
122
00:09:37,675 --> 00:09:41,675
When I read this story I felt
so close to this saint,
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00:09:42,675 --> 00:09:46,342
because the role that humor
has acquired for me,
124
00:09:46,508 --> 00:09:50,967
being such a dense person...
125
00:09:56,050 --> 00:09:58,300
Well, I'm rambling...
126
00:10:03,883 --> 00:10:06,675
Are you sure you
don't want some coffee?
127
00:10:07,508 --> 00:10:09,758
Later.
128
00:10:30,717 --> 00:10:33,842
The definition of
cinéma vérité should be
129
00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:38,550
“how to torture the objects
of your film,” right?
130
00:10:40,858 --> 00:10:42,483
Last night
131
00:10:43,233 --> 00:10:45,483
I had a terrible earache,
132
00:10:46,567 --> 00:10:48,692
and as we're talking
about memories,
133
00:10:48,858 --> 00:10:51,858
I remembered that
my chronic earache
134
00:10:53,525 --> 00:10:55,775
may have its origin in my childhood.
135
00:10:56,192 --> 00:11:01,192
My father was an amateur
race car driver.
136
00:11:01,317 --> 00:11:03,233
But as he's not from
a millionaire family,
137
00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:05,775
he had to quit when
he got married to my mother.
138
00:11:06,567 --> 00:11:11,733
And to replace the thrill he got
from car racing,
139
00:11:12,358 --> 00:11:15,817
he went to the Interlagos
track every week.
140
00:11:16,483 --> 00:11:19,358
And he took me along as a baby.
141
00:11:20,858 --> 00:11:23,192
That noise is insufferable.
142
00:11:23,817 --> 00:11:26,275
It's one reason why I don't drive.
143
00:11:27,067 --> 00:11:30,025
I think it somehow determined
144
00:11:30,442 --> 00:11:34,442
my hearing weakness.
145
00:11:36,983 --> 00:11:39,150
When my brother was born,
146
00:11:39,317 --> 00:11:42,650
I think it inaugurated the
ambiguous relationship
147
00:11:42,817 --> 00:11:44,983
I would have with everything.
148
00:11:45,525 --> 00:11:47,692
Because I felt rejected
149
00:11:49,275 --> 00:11:51,900
and at the same time
I felt relieved
150
00:11:53,108 --> 00:11:57,150
for having someone
who would receive that heritage...
151
00:11:58,733 --> 00:12:01,733
which I never really
wanted to receive.
152
00:12:03,442 --> 00:12:09,817
But as much as I hated
those manly, aggressive games,
153
00:12:10,275 --> 00:12:12,650
which meant nothing to me,
154
00:12:13,067 --> 00:12:18,567
I kind of envied the
relationship they had.
155
00:12:22,150 --> 00:12:24,817
Did you predict your
brother's death?
156
00:12:25,358 --> 00:12:27,108
I did.
157
00:12:32,417 --> 00:12:35,208
I was around 11 years old, he was 9.
158
00:12:35,333 --> 00:12:38,792
I picked up his hand and saw
a very short life line,
159
00:12:39,625 --> 00:12:43,333
and I said, “You'll die
before you turn 19 years old.”
160
00:12:44,792 --> 00:12:46,500
And how did he die?
161
00:13:13,208 --> 00:13:15,000
It seems obvious.
162
00:13:15,792 --> 00:13:18,583
He died in a car crash.
163
00:13:19,083 --> 00:13:22,500
He drove out of my
father's farm that day.
164
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:25,333
My father told him,
“Drive safely on the highway.”
165
00:13:25,458 --> 00:13:27,750
And he said,
“Why? I'll die of it.”
166
00:13:31,042 --> 00:13:34,458
And he died... of it.
167
00:13:37,458 --> 00:13:40,542
I was the first person to know,
168
00:13:41,500 --> 00:13:46,833
and I was put in
charge of all the red tape.
169
00:13:49,167 --> 00:13:51,833
I went to the morgue,
170
00:13:52,917 --> 00:13:57,917
I told them how to place him in the
coffin so as to hide his wounds.
171
00:14:00,333 --> 00:14:05,167
I opened his wallet and found
two pregnancy tests
172
00:14:06,792 --> 00:14:09,417
from two different women.
173
00:14:15,792 --> 00:14:19,000
He fulfilled his heterosexual
role to the end.
174
00:14:21,333 --> 00:14:23,542
I left the place with the body.
175
00:14:23,792 --> 00:14:26,708
I, who until then
was considered so fragile,
176
00:14:26,833 --> 00:14:30,583
incapable of handling great events...
177
00:14:30,917 --> 00:14:33,250
I couldn't even stand a car's noise,
178
00:14:33,375 --> 00:14:35,667
but it was I who had to
take care of everything.
179
00:14:35,892 --> 00:14:38,350
Even of a severed earlobe.
180
00:14:40,350 --> 00:14:41,892
I arrived at the wake with the body,
181
00:14:42,017 --> 00:14:45,392
where people were already
waiting for my brother.
182
00:14:45,725 --> 00:14:47,683
My mother hugged me with the...
183
00:14:47,892 --> 00:14:50,767
... cold arms of someone
who'd never been hugged,
184
00:14:50,975 --> 00:14:52,517
and said,
185
00:14:53,142 --> 00:14:57,683
“Son, I thought you were
going to die first.”
186
00:15:00,350 --> 00:15:03,433
He, like Christ,
on my mother's right side
187
00:15:03,558 --> 00:15:06,433
and on the left
188
00:15:08,142 --> 00:15:10,558
an endless line of women.
189
00:15:11,725 --> 00:15:14,725
Countless women.
190
00:15:19,850 --> 00:15:21,767
What they didn't know,
191
00:15:22,933 --> 00:15:25,308
nor did my mother, who
hardly fucked in her life,
192
00:15:25,433 --> 00:15:30,642
nor did those women he must have fucked
once, twice, three times at the most,
193
00:15:32,517 --> 00:15:35,100
was that I had been the first.
194
00:15:47,558 --> 00:15:50,683
And you must think that he
came into my room at night,
195
00:15:50,808 --> 00:15:53,683
because he was the
heterosexual male predator...
196
00:15:58,517 --> 00:16:02,433
But it was I who went to him
every night for 6 months
197
00:16:03,517 --> 00:16:06,225
and touched his hard cock
under his underwear.
198
00:16:06,350 --> 00:16:09,183
Then one day he stopped
pretending to be asleep,
199
00:16:09,308 --> 00:16:11,017
woke up
200
00:16:11,475 --> 00:16:12,725
and fucked me.
201
00:16:12,850 --> 00:16:17,600
And I really liked it, so much that
we fucked for another 8 months.
202
00:16:51,992 --> 00:16:53,825
It's hot stuff.
203
00:17:39,217 --> 00:17:40,967
In fact,
204
00:17:42,342 --> 00:17:46,258
when I told mom what
had happened between us,
205
00:17:47,550 --> 00:17:53,717
for the first time she expressed
concern for me
206
00:17:56,342 --> 00:17:59,967
and asked,
- “Did he hurt you?”
207
00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:31,633
Do you think it's good to get
inside my head?
208
00:18:34,133 --> 00:18:36,300
I'm pretty complicated, eh?
209
00:18:40,425 --> 00:18:42,592
And today is Sunday.
210
00:18:42,883 --> 00:18:45,050
I hate Sundays.
211
00:18:46,883 --> 00:18:48,258
Why?
212
00:18:50,675 --> 00:18:53,592
Do you think this is my first
job as an actress?
213
00:18:55,925 --> 00:18:58,633
I don't know if
I'm very convincing,
214
00:18:59,133 --> 00:19:03,342
but I played a very convincing
role from the age of 5 to 10.
215
00:19:03,967 --> 00:19:07,717
I can say that
I was a child actress.
216
00:19:08,883 --> 00:19:10,258
How so?
217
00:19:12,383 --> 00:19:17,883
One fine day my father ran into an
ex-girlfriend from his teenage years,
218
00:19:19,883 --> 00:19:22,383
and they started having an affair.
219
00:19:24,008 --> 00:19:28,342
And every Sunday my father
would take me and my brother
220
00:19:28,508 --> 00:19:31,258
to spend the day with his lover.
221
00:19:32,925 --> 00:19:36,217
We did everything that our
mother didn't let us do,
222
00:19:36,342 --> 00:19:41,550
either because it was too expensive
or because it was too energy-consuming.
223
00:19:44,342 --> 00:19:47,050
It was fun, like, we went
to the amusement park
224
00:19:47,258 --> 00:19:49,550
much more often than
any of our schoolmates.
225
00:19:49,842 --> 00:19:52,300
We went on helicopter rides...
226
00:19:55,425 --> 00:19:58,925
But always in
the space of a Sunday.
227
00:20:01,108 --> 00:20:08,608
Then I remember I felt an unprecedented
and unbearable feeling of anguish
228
00:20:08,900 --> 00:20:10,233
for the first time.
229
00:20:10,358 --> 00:20:12,650
It was 1985.
230
00:20:16,042 --> 00:20:18,667
Because when we were getting
ready to go back home
231
00:20:18,833 --> 00:20:21,125
and my father
said goodbye to his lover,
232
00:20:21,833 --> 00:20:24,917
he began pulling his strings
233
00:20:25,292 --> 00:20:29,375
on me and my brother in the
car, trying to get us...
234
00:20:31,375 --> 00:20:33,833
to lie to my mother.
235
00:20:36,125 --> 00:20:40,208
In a way, I was relieved
at my brother's death,
236
00:20:40,583 --> 00:20:44,458
but I miss having
an accomplice of sorts.
237
00:20:50,167 --> 00:20:53,583
I'd like to forget... There are but
few things I'd like to forget...
238
00:20:53,750 --> 00:20:56,208
But I'd like to forget...
239
00:21:03,125 --> 00:21:05,583
And I find it really hard to forget.
240
00:21:06,917 --> 00:21:10,333
I've told you I have memories
of other lives, right?
241
00:21:14,167 --> 00:21:17,583
I've never believed in other lives.
I thought it was
242
00:21:18,042 --> 00:21:21,500
intellectually insulting
to believe in other lives.
243
00:21:22,417 --> 00:21:26,500
Then I started going to Candomblé
and I did my karmic birth chart,
244
00:21:26,708 --> 00:21:29,500
and I started having memories.
245
00:21:32,958 --> 00:21:35,750
One of them was really clear...
246
00:21:37,542 --> 00:21:42,167
It explains a little my passion for
violence... A passion that I try to control
247
00:21:43,500 --> 00:21:46,292
and that I only
give free rein to in sex.
248
00:21:46,750 --> 00:21:48,208
I was a general.
249
00:21:48,417 --> 00:21:50,667
If I was a really vain person,
250
00:21:51,292 --> 00:21:54,500
I guess I'd say I was Genghis Khan,
but I don't think I was Genghis Khan.
251
00:21:54,750 --> 00:21:58,208
But I was a man in Asia
in the Middle Ages,
252
00:21:58,708 --> 00:22:01,750
a huge heavy-set man
253
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:04,292
leading an army.
254
00:22:05,708 --> 00:22:08,250
I remember the rush
255
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:15,250
of sending around 2,000 men
to slaughter the enemy army
256
00:22:15,750 --> 00:22:18,333
or some village they had invaded.
257
00:22:18,625 --> 00:22:21,375
I saw nothing but those men...
258
00:22:28,042 --> 00:22:29,542
And the other one?
259
00:22:29,917 --> 00:22:31,708
The most recent one...
260
00:22:37,375 --> 00:22:39,042
was in Germany.
261
00:22:41,958 --> 00:22:45,375
I was Novalis,
have you ever heard of Novalis?
262
00:22:46,417 --> 00:22:49,833
He's a German poet
from the Romantic Era.
263
00:22:51,125 --> 00:22:53,375
An awfully sensitive...
264
00:22:56,583 --> 00:22:58,250
straight man.
265
00:22:59,750 --> 00:23:01,625
I was straight once.
266
00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:09,833
He had an obsession, this absurd idea...
of finding a blue flower.
267
00:23:11,100 --> 00:23:15,433
All his poetry
was a kind of priesthood,
268
00:23:16,183 --> 00:23:19,642
a praise of the night.
But not a morbid night,
269
00:23:19,850 --> 00:23:22,142
a revealing night.
270
00:23:23,475 --> 00:23:26,225
And what does
the blue flower mean?
271
00:23:29,392 --> 00:23:31,683
The blue flower...
272
00:23:33,475 --> 00:23:36,933
I feel vulgar just trying to define
what the blue flower meant
273
00:23:37,142 --> 00:23:40,350
to a man who died searching for it.
274
00:23:43,475 --> 00:23:45,767
What is the blue flower?
275
00:23:47,975 --> 00:23:49,683
I don't know...
276
00:23:50,058 --> 00:23:55,142
It's the love he saw die,
or God,
277
00:23:58,183 --> 00:24:00,850
or transcendence, or death,
278
00:24:01,308 --> 00:24:04,475
or catharsis. I don't know
what the blue flower is.
279
00:24:06,808 --> 00:24:09,392
It's this thing that doesn't exist,
280
00:24:11,850 --> 00:24:14,392
only... it does exist.
281
00:24:16,517 --> 00:24:19,683
Do you see all this
in your head?
282
00:24:21,950 --> 00:24:24,700
I don't know if it's possible...
283
00:24:25,075 --> 00:24:27,908
for someone to stay
inside it for long.
284
00:24:28,367 --> 00:24:31,992
Even I've tried
to escape sometimes.
285
00:24:34,367 --> 00:24:40,075
I think that's why my love relationships
haven't been very successful.
286
00:25:07,117 --> 00:25:09,617
How I love myself!
287
00:25:42,908 --> 00:25:49,033
Funny how anyone could
question what you believe in...
288
00:25:49,575 --> 00:25:54,950
If I claim to have been Novalis,
how can anyone say I was not Novalis?
289
00:25:55,450 --> 00:25:58,408
Like in these sex apps...
290
00:25:59,675 --> 00:26:05,800
You can be a daddy, a son,
an otter, a bear...
291
00:26:09,092 --> 00:26:13,383
As you've spent the whole day with me,
I have a lot of unanswered messages.
292
00:26:13,550 --> 00:26:14,758
It's that...
293
00:26:19,883 --> 00:26:22,050
I don't know,
I spend hours here and...
294
00:26:23,300 --> 00:26:24,425
nothing.
295
00:26:24,550 --> 00:26:28,425
Then when I'm busy,
guys start messaging me.
296
00:26:28,550 --> 00:26:30,133
Plus, it's Sunday.
297
00:26:30,425 --> 00:26:33,675
I think people get a little anxious
about being idle.
298
00:26:35,592 --> 00:26:39,758
And fucking is a way
to quell anxieties.
299
00:26:40,008 --> 00:26:42,425
Idleness is dangerous
for most people.
300
00:26:45,550 --> 00:26:47,175
Ah, this one is fun...
301
00:26:47,342 --> 00:26:50,633
- He's into pet play, you know?
- No, what's that?
302
00:26:50,758 --> 00:26:54,217
Oh, it's pretending you're a pet,
usually a dog, right?
303
00:26:54,675 --> 00:26:58,050
I don't know, he's a switch,
he plays both ways.
304
00:26:58,317 --> 00:27:00,275
He's either the dog or the owner.
305
00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:02,733
I've already done it, not with him,
but I really want to.
306
00:27:02,858 --> 00:27:05,608
He's so young... A real cutie.
307
00:27:06,733 --> 00:27:10,233
- And what do you do?
- Oh, you keep barking...
308
00:27:10,358 --> 00:27:15,692
There is sexual intercourse, but the guy is
turned on by watching you act like a dog.
309
00:27:15,858 --> 00:27:18,775
And there's this absolute loyalty
on the dog's part.
310
00:27:18,900 --> 00:27:23,233
You stay there, on all fours,
sucking his foot while he watches TV.
311
00:27:23,567 --> 00:27:26,108
It may or may not lead to sex.
312
00:27:26,317 --> 00:27:29,400
Oh, this is one is hilarious,
because he says he's discreet,
313
00:27:29,525 --> 00:27:31,983
we've argued several times because
314
00:27:32,483 --> 00:27:35,567
he said that I was too
open about sexuality...
315
00:27:35,733 --> 00:27:38,983
But the other day I saw him
at the bakery around the corner
316
00:27:39,150 --> 00:27:41,483
and he's such a queen.
I thought it was funny.
317
00:27:41,608 --> 00:27:45,317
This guy has horrendous feet,
when I told him I had a foot fetish,
318
00:27:45,442 --> 00:27:49,233
the guy thought I had to fuck him
because he's into feet, too,
319
00:27:49,358 --> 00:27:52,067
but his feet are not my kind of feet.
320
00:27:52,483 --> 00:27:55,233
This is a married jerk who
also lives nearby.
321
00:27:55,442 --> 00:27:59,317
He's never sent me his face pic, I've even
sent him my endoscopy results.
322
00:28:00,108 --> 00:28:02,525
Oh, this is a yummy one that
sometimes comes to piss on me...
323
00:28:03,817 --> 00:28:08,400
Like Blanche Dubois, I have always
depended on the kindness of strangers.
324
00:28:13,567 --> 00:28:16,608
I love it that this guy loves filming
his fucks, from what he told me.
325
00:28:16,733 --> 00:28:18,983
He's sent me some of his videos.
326
00:28:19,692 --> 00:28:25,150
And I have a morbid relationship
with exposing myself.
327
00:28:26,775 --> 00:28:28,817
I feel objectified, like,
328
00:28:29,108 --> 00:28:33,733
when a guy is a top, a dominant, and on
top of all he likes to film the fuck.
329
00:28:34,108 --> 00:28:39,025
For a long time I entertained a
rather perverse idea
330
00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:45,817
of filming my fucks and
sending them to my father.
331
00:28:47,692 --> 00:28:48,733
Why?
332
00:28:49,233 --> 00:28:53,650
I think it'd be a really
sophisticated porn revenge.
333
00:28:55,650 --> 00:28:58,442
I even had a daddy
some time ago,
334
00:28:58,650 --> 00:29:03,025
and he liked it that
I was into exhibitionism.
335
00:29:03,192 --> 00:29:09,442
We filmed our fucks, we had a blog
where we posted this kind of stuff.
336
00:29:09,650 --> 00:29:12,983
And I even gave him
my father's e-mail address.
337
00:29:13,667 --> 00:29:15,833
I had this fantasy that one day,
338
00:29:16,208 --> 00:29:20,208
out of the blue, my father would
call me to say that he'd got
339
00:29:20,333 --> 00:29:24,375
some videos of me being fucked
in the ass by a guy his age.
340
00:29:26,250 --> 00:29:30,667
It seemed such a perverse,
sadistic idea for me
341
00:29:31,375 --> 00:29:33,875
to want to make
my father suffer.
342
00:29:37,833 --> 00:29:41,500
It was also a kind of masochistic idea,
putting myself in a situation
343
00:29:43,708 --> 00:29:47,000
that my father must find abject.
344
00:29:52,917 --> 00:30:00,917
But... parents should be afraid of their
kids being drug dealers, or drug addicts
345
00:30:02,083 --> 00:30:08,917
or psychopaths, or a conservative,
corrupt congressman or of them starving.
346
00:30:12,667 --> 00:30:17,542
And what my father cringed at was that
I should like to be fucked in the ass.
347
00:31:35,958 --> 00:31:38,417
And what do you do, Marcelo?
348
00:31:41,142 --> 00:31:43,600
What do you mean,
what do I do?
349
00:31:45,975 --> 00:31:48,683
I am myself. I'm this thing that
you've been looking at.
350
00:31:48,892 --> 00:31:51,392
That you came over to film,
for some reason
351
00:31:51,600 --> 00:31:54,808
that should explain
why I am interesting.
352
00:31:55,017 --> 00:31:57,058
Do I have to be useful?
353
00:31:57,183 --> 00:31:58,933
Is that what you're implying?
354
00:31:59,267 --> 00:32:04,308
I am a little stray fox
with crepuscular habits.
355
00:32:09,825 --> 00:32:13,242
I am useless, as is
everything that matters.
356
00:32:13,783 --> 00:32:15,200
I am here.
357
00:32:16,117 --> 00:32:19,117
I am this person
who is right here.
358
00:33:04,950 --> 00:33:08,200
Will the despotism of
the earthly never cease?
359
00:33:13,658 --> 00:33:17,742
Unholy activity consumes the
angel-visit of the Night.
360
00:33:21,283 --> 00:33:26,783
Will the time never come when Love's
hidden sacrifice shall burn eternally?
361
00:33:28,617 --> 00:33:30,825
To the Light a season was set;
362
00:33:31,658 --> 00:33:35,533
but everlasting and boundless is
the dominion of the Night.
363
00:33:36,158 --> 00:33:38,367
Endless is the duration of sleep.
364
00:33:40,158 --> 00:33:41,950
Holy Sleep,
365
00:33:43,617 --> 00:33:46,117
the devoted servant of the Night.
366
00:33:48,367 --> 00:33:52,450
gladden not too seldom
in this earthly day-labor.
367
00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:13,783
Fuck me, fuck me, you little slut, fuck me!
What a cock, oh what a cock!
368
00:34:14,117 --> 00:34:18,117
I love making them think they
are something they are not.
369
00:34:18,283 --> 00:34:25,408
Fuck me, you little slut. What a stud!
I've never been fucked by a guy like this!
370
00:34:28,450 --> 00:34:33,825
But what I really like is how
they're deflated after they come.
371
00:34:34,283 --> 00:34:36,783
Lying helpless on my bed.
372
00:34:36,992 --> 00:34:40,825
Fuck me, fuck me!
373
00:35:47,742 --> 00:35:51,658
This hot, semi-famous guy moved
into my apartment building
374
00:35:51,992 --> 00:35:55,033
and we had a kind of
BDSM relationship.
375
00:35:55,358 --> 00:35:57,650
I was submissive,
he was dominant.
376
00:35:57,858 --> 00:36:02,692
Then one day he texts me,
“Come on up to serve me.”
377
00:36:03,317 --> 00:36:06,275
Then I went upstairs, of course,
the guy was delicious.
378
00:36:06,858 --> 00:36:10,900
I get there and I start sucking
the guy, this huge cock.
379
00:36:11,608 --> 00:36:15,942
After some time, I found out that, in
fact, he isn't a dominant. He's a lazy ass,
380
00:36:16,067 --> 00:36:19,775
he can't keep up a good
performance for long,
381
00:36:19,983 --> 00:36:22,567
so he overdoes the abuse,
382
00:36:22,692 --> 00:36:26,483
and that makes him seem
more interesting than he is.
383
00:36:26,942 --> 00:36:29,775
I was there on all fours,
in panties, sucking him off
384
00:36:29,900 --> 00:36:31,733
with my eyes closed,
as he'd told me to.
385
00:36:31,942 --> 00:36:35,275
Then he goes,
“I'm giving you a little gift,”
386
00:36:35,525 --> 00:36:37,192
and I hear him spit,
387
00:36:37,358 --> 00:36:41,067
and then he shoves a little
something up my ass.
388
00:36:42,775 --> 00:36:46,358
And he says,
“Get up and go away.”
389
00:36:48,442 --> 00:36:51,233
I went downstairs,
not knowing what to make of it.
390
00:36:51,525 --> 00:36:55,567
I got into my place,
that stupid Jack Bauer show, 24, was on,
391
00:36:55,775 --> 00:36:58,483
with that dam
little clock on the screen.
392
00:36:59,692 --> 00:37:02,692
And sure enough,
I pulled that thing out of my ass.
393
00:37:02,900 --> 00:37:04,608
I'd never seen such a thing,
394
00:37:04,775 --> 00:37:10,567
it had a USB end and a litlle
display with changing digits...
395
00:37:11,150 --> 00:37:13,233
The digits kept changing
396
00:37:13,483 --> 00:37:16,442
there was that Jack Bauer clock
on the TV screen.
397
00:37:16,650 --> 00:37:21,983
I'd never seen such a thing, and to me that
couldn't be anything other than a bomb.
398
00:37:22,150 --> 00:37:24,650
Why would anybody stick a
bomb up someone else's ass?
399
00:37:24,775 --> 00:37:27,317
Why would anybody have
a bomb at home
400
00:37:27,442 --> 00:37:29,275
with a USB end?
401
00:37:29,625 --> 00:37:33,167
Then I looked at my dog, I looked
at my records by Maria Callas, by Bach
402
00:37:33,292 --> 00:37:34,708
by Glenn Gould...
403
00:37:35,292 --> 00:37:38,750
I looked at the family pictures,
of the few people that I like in my family,
404
00:37:38,875 --> 00:37:40,500
I looked at my books...
405
00:37:40,708 --> 00:37:44,458
and I said, “Damn, am I going to die
like this, with a bomb up my ass?”
406
00:37:44,625 --> 00:37:48,542
Then I put my robe on top of my panties,
I ran down to the building's trash can
407
00:37:48,708 --> 00:37:50,750
and threw out the bomb.
408
00:37:51,750 --> 00:37:54,792
And as I was coming back up, I thought,
“Well, now everybody's gonna blow up.”
409
00:37:54,917 --> 00:37:57,833
How absurd is it for someone
to stick a bomb up your ass,
410
00:37:57,958 --> 00:38:02,250
and then you throw it into a place
that's going to kill a bunch of people.
411
00:38:03,417 --> 00:38:05,250
Then that was that...
412
00:38:06,042 --> 00:38:09,083
I was left absolutely clueless. It was
the most nonsense thing in my life.
413
00:38:09,250 --> 00:38:12,243
The next day I'm talking to a friend,
he asks, “Will we go to the bank with me?”
414
00:38:12,333 --> 00:38:15,125
and he pulls out
that fucking token!
415
00:38:16,042 --> 00:38:18,333
I felt like the most ridiculous
person in the world,
416
00:38:18,458 --> 00:38:22,833
till I was finally able to tell this
story like I just did...
417
00:38:26,167 --> 00:38:30,750
- So the thing was a token?
- It was a bank security token.
418
00:38:30,917 --> 00:38:34,333
I mean, I think not even Freud
would understand this guy,
419
00:38:34,458 --> 00:38:39,208
this relationship between shit and money,
and cock, and sex, I don't know.
420
00:38:39,667 --> 00:38:44,792
The next day he texts me, “Come up
and bring me back that little gift.”
421
00:38:45,417 --> 00:38:48,833
Of course I couldn't
take the gift back,
422
00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:52,125
and since then this guy
doesn't look me in the face.
423
00:38:54,875 --> 00:38:59,000
It's all this crazy stuff...
about my ass.
424
00:39:00,333 --> 00:39:05,000
Like what I'm doing now,
sitting in a bowlful of almond milk,
425
00:39:06,625 --> 00:39:10,500
thinking that the life
of 19th-century French courtesans
426
00:39:10,667 --> 00:39:12,708
shouldn't be that different...
427
00:39:48,000 --> 00:39:51,958
- What kind of milk is it?
- It's almond milk.
428
00:39:54,250 --> 00:39:58,792
It's good for someone who has
a sexual frequency like I do.
429
00:40:02,833 --> 00:40:08,333
It's funny, I wonder if active men
have a sex-related routine...
430
00:40:09,083 --> 00:40:12,542
like we do.
431
00:40:15,375 --> 00:40:20,208
But I enjoy it...
It seemed humiliating at first...
432
00:40:20,542 --> 00:40:24,125
But now I see it as a kind of
liturgy, you know?
433
00:40:25,833 --> 00:40:29,917
A kind of ritual,
of sacrifice that we do
434
00:40:31,208 --> 00:40:35,958
to have some pleasure
that only we can enjoy.
435
00:40:36,958 --> 00:40:41,500
This almond milk was ridiculously
cheap at the grocery store.
436
00:40:45,958 --> 00:40:48,833
This is beginning to sound like
“Story of the Eye”.
437
00:40:49,083 --> 00:40:54,708
I wonder if Bataille would be appalled
at how I banalize his images?
438
00:41:08,950 --> 00:41:14,117
I've improvised
this little mirror here.
439
00:41:15,367 --> 00:41:19,367
Then I remembered my
grandmother Leoneta's dressing table.
440
00:41:19,908 --> 00:41:22,908
It was from the 1930s,
when she married.
441
00:41:23,492 --> 00:41:26,033
It was beautiful, untouched.
442
00:41:26,200 --> 00:41:30,200
She kept some perfumes there from the
time of her wedding, imagine that!
443
00:41:30,492 --> 00:41:31,825
They'd all gone bad.
444
00:41:32,242 --> 00:41:36,158
She never let anyone open them,
nor did she ever wear them.
445
00:41:39,908 --> 00:41:42,992
She was the most original
woman I've ever met.
446
00:41:43,283 --> 00:41:45,075
And frigid.
447
00:41:50,158 --> 00:41:52,700
She told me herself
that she was frigid.
448
00:41:57,492 --> 00:42:00,242
I think she married in 1930, 31...
449
00:42:04,992 --> 00:42:09,075
And a few months later,
she came up to my grandfather,
450
00:42:09,450 --> 00:42:16,075
who controlled the finances, the length
of her petticoat and even her schedule
451
00:42:16,450 --> 00:42:20,908
and asked, “Will you make a woman's
doctor's appointment for me?”
452
00:42:21,967 --> 00:42:24,508
He asked her why and she said,
453
00:42:24,800 --> 00:42:28,300
“Oh, because I want to feel what
you feel every night
454
00:42:28,467 --> 00:42:31,342
when you climb onto me
and moan like a dog.”
455
00:42:34,342 --> 00:42:37,550
Then he said, “I won't make
any doctor's appointment,
456
00:42:39,425 --> 00:42:43,092
women who feel pleasure
end up betraying the husband.”
457
00:42:46,550 --> 00:42:52,050
Fifty years later, as they were planning
their 50th wedding anniversary party,
458
00:42:54,300 --> 00:42:57,425
my grandma is at the beauty
salon on a Saturday with my aunt,
459
00:42:57,550 --> 00:43:00,175
someone phones in to say
my grandfather had died.
460
00:43:05,508 --> 00:43:08,050
He died in a ridiculous way.
461
00:43:08,467 --> 00:43:12,842
He was at the local market, after closing
his shop for the day, he was a barber.
462
00:43:13,050 --> 00:43:15,675
And they say he died with
a salami under his arm.
463
00:43:15,800 --> 00:43:18,842
He had a massive heart attack
while waiting in line.
464
00:43:20,425 --> 00:43:23,467
Well, when the hairdresser
said that to my grandmother,
465
00:43:23,633 --> 00:43:31,633
my grandma let out a shriek as
southern Italian women do in such cases,
466
00:43:33,508 --> 00:43:34,967
she looked at my aunt and said,
467
00:43:35,092 --> 00:43:39,508
“Darn, right on the day when
I have these long red nails!”
468
00:43:39,717 --> 00:43:43,467
Her nails always looked
like Alcione's, the singer.
469
00:43:45,633 --> 00:43:50,008
They went to the wake,
I was 5 years old.
470
00:43:51,883 --> 00:43:55,342
After a while of my
family crying over
471
00:43:55,508 --> 00:43:58,675
the death of the man
everybody said had been a saint,
472
00:43:58,800 --> 00:44:01,508
two women, a mother
and daughter, walk in.
473
00:44:01,633 --> 00:44:04,175
The woman looked a little
like my grandmother
474
00:44:04,300 --> 00:44:06,967
and her daughter looked
just like my oldest aunt.
475
00:44:07,758 --> 00:44:11,425
Then the next day at home
we found out that
476
00:44:13,842 --> 00:44:16,633
that was my grandfather's
second family.
477
00:44:19,275 --> 00:44:23,400
My grandpa had been married
to that woman for 40 years,
478
00:44:23,525 --> 00:44:25,317
and to my grandma for 50.
479
00:44:28,233 --> 00:44:32,192
He closed the shop,
went to that woman's place,
480
00:44:32,400 --> 00:44:35,442
had dinner with her
and the daughter,
481
00:44:36,983 --> 00:44:42,483
and left on the last streetcar to my
grandmother's, the official home.
482
00:44:48,942 --> 00:44:54,233
Sometimes I think that much of
my sexuality has to do with
483
00:44:56,442 --> 00:45:00,400
these women's repressed desires.
484
00:45:06,608 --> 00:45:12,108
These successive generations spent in
tending the house, making polenta,
485
00:45:13,358 --> 00:45:15,608
caring for children,
486
00:45:16,358 --> 00:45:21,025
tolerating husbands and being
thankful for having one.
487
00:45:38,233 --> 00:45:43,358
Well, now I think we should take a break,
because I need to leave this to dry.
488
00:45:45,692 --> 00:45:49,692
And after all this verbiage
I think it's interesting...
489
00:45:54,417 --> 00:45:57,500
I think it's interesting
to have a little silence.
490
00:49:45,033 --> 00:49:47,825
A cigar can be a phallic symbol,
491
00:49:48,825 --> 00:49:51,158
but often it's just a cigar.
492
00:50:01,283 --> 00:50:04,283
This place is as chaotic
as my mind,
493
00:50:05,033 --> 00:50:09,200
but I think it's the only place in the
world where I feel I am among friends.
494
00:50:31,075 --> 00:50:34,408
Have you ever
thought about using
495
00:50:34,533 --> 00:50:37,492
your knowledge for
some kind of work?
496
00:50:44,450 --> 00:50:49,575
You have now exasperated me
with that persistent question.
497
00:50:51,492 --> 00:50:54,992
You sound like my grandmother,
or my father.
498
00:51:01,367 --> 00:51:05,283
I think the only thing I could
have been is an actor.
499
00:51:06,158 --> 00:51:09,700
I only realized that after
we started making this film.
500
00:51:11,200 --> 00:51:13,992
I remember going to the
bakery for bread,
501
00:51:14,742 --> 00:51:20,367
at 8 or 10 years old, when we start
running errands for our parents...
502
00:51:21,033 --> 00:51:21,867
for our parents.
503
00:51:22,033 --> 00:51:24,825
I remember the clerks
at the bakery saying,
504
00:51:25,325 --> 00:51:27,700
“Yikes, what a sissy voice,”
505
00:51:29,367 --> 00:51:31,489
and complaining to my
father, and him saying,
506
00:51:31,534 --> 00:51:33,325
“Yeah,
you have to sound more manly.”
507
00:51:33,492 --> 00:51:37,533
When you're 8 and every
boy is still a soprano.
508
00:51:39,258 --> 00:51:40,508
So I thought,
509
00:51:41,592 --> 00:51:44,133
“What kind of actor am I
going to be with this voice?”
510
00:51:44,342 --> 00:51:49,175
“What kind of universality will I achieve,
how will people identify with me?”
511
00:51:52,383 --> 00:51:59,383
I only realized now how my voice
isolated and marginalized me.
512
00:52:01,258 --> 00:52:04,050
What kind of Hamlet was
I going to play?
513
00:52:04,217 --> 00:52:06,467
A fagot Hamlet, right?
514
00:52:07,175 --> 00:52:12,342
But today I think that,
after so many Hamlets,
515
00:52:12,508 --> 00:52:15,675
the world could really
use a super gay Hamlet.
516
00:52:22,550 --> 00:52:24,633
You know what intrigues me?
517
00:52:28,258 --> 00:52:31,050
Every day there's
some new technology...
518
00:52:32,300 --> 00:52:35,342
In theory, I no longer
need these CDs,
519
00:52:36,217 --> 00:52:40,842
with that cloud thing and
gadgets and apps...
520
00:52:45,425 --> 00:52:50,050
Every week there's
something new out there.
521
00:52:53,050 --> 00:52:54,467
But the other day
522
00:52:55,717 --> 00:52:58,508
I got to thinking,
what about the umbrella?
523
00:53:00,508 --> 00:53:03,300
Have you noticed that an umbrella
is the same since forever?
524
00:53:03,425 --> 00:53:08,383
Take the umbrellas in
those Chinese illustrations,
525
00:53:09,300 --> 00:53:11,342
the structure is the same!
526
00:53:12,525 --> 00:53:15,317
Not much has been done
to protect us from rain,
527
00:53:15,483 --> 00:53:17,817
nothing as efficient
as an umbrella.
528
00:53:22,733 --> 00:53:30,400
Well, everyone goes to
these big chain supermarkets.
529
00:53:31,650 --> 00:53:35,108
And they all have a small
flower shop at the entrance.
530
00:53:39,317 --> 00:53:43,942
I love flowers, but I despair when
I walk into these supermarkets,
531
00:53:44,067 --> 00:53:45,983
I walk past them with my
eyes half closed.
532
00:53:47,400 --> 00:53:49,650
Have you seen those colors?
533
00:53:51,067 --> 00:53:53,893
It's true that in nature there are flowers
that are orange, for example,
534
00:53:53,983 --> 00:53:58,067
Louis XIV had a huge bed
of orange roses built in Versailles.
535
00:53:58,775 --> 00:54:01,983
But at those chain supermarkets
536
00:54:02,233 --> 00:54:05,567
the orange in the flowers
537
00:54:06,942 --> 00:54:09,733
looks more like
Romero Britto than Louis XIV.
538
00:54:12,733 --> 00:54:17,067
And then they had
the brilliant idea
539
00:54:18,025 --> 00:54:20,400
of displaying some
blue flowers.
540
00:54:20,875 --> 00:54:25,000
But it's not the blue
close to a violet's violet.
541
00:54:25,375 --> 00:54:29,167
It's not the blue that
we only rarely find in nature.
542
00:54:30,500 --> 00:54:35,750
It's a gouache blue,
it's a fake blue,
543
00:54:36,250 --> 00:54:37,542
it's aniline-like!
544
00:54:37,708 --> 00:54:43,208
It's not even genetically modified -
that would be a triumph of science.
545
00:54:43,333 --> 00:54:49,500
No! It's a tacky blue,
the color of a thrift-store couch.
546
00:54:50,542 --> 00:54:53,667
Now, just think:
547
00:54:55,083 --> 00:54:58,958
an early 19th-century poet
548
00:54:59,542 --> 00:55:02,167
devotes his life
549
00:55:05,625 --> 00:55:09,167
to the search for this symbol...
550
00:55:10,833 --> 00:55:14,125
I don't know if Novalis...
551
00:55:14,292 --> 00:55:19,125
I don't know if I actually believed
in the existence of this blue flower,
552
00:55:19,250 --> 00:55:21,875
but as a metaphor it's brilliant...
553
00:55:22,708 --> 00:55:26,333
There is not much left
to dream about in this world...
554
00:55:28,500 --> 00:55:30,708
Do you think you are
superior to the world?
555
00:55:33,250 --> 00:55:36,917
Superior?
What nonsense!
556
00:55:37,125 --> 00:55:39,542
I can be quite narcissistic,
557
00:55:39,875 --> 00:55:43,292
but there is no pretense of
superiority when I say that.
558
00:55:43,500 --> 00:55:46,917
There is a great story
about the actress Lucélia Santos.
559
00:55:47,083 --> 00:55:51,417
They asked her, “Why do you do
so many period soap operas?”
560
00:55:51,583 --> 00:55:53,458
And she replied,
561
00:55:53,750 --> 00:55:57,042
“Because the authors know
I like to ride a buggy.”
562
00:56:01,500 --> 00:56:02,958
That's it, I guess.
563
00:56:03,083 --> 00:56:07,292
It's the reason I live
my life the way I do:
564
00:56:07,417 --> 00:56:09,000
I like old things,
565
00:56:09,250 --> 00:56:11,667
and I like dead things.
566
00:56:12,250 --> 00:56:16,250
The other day I was watching the
documentary about Nina Simone.
567
00:56:16,792 --> 00:56:20,375
She suffered domestic violence,
she was a very difficult mother...
568
00:56:24,417 --> 00:56:26,667
Then when she dies
569
00:56:27,750 --> 00:56:29,583
she triumphs as an idea.
570
00:56:29,708 --> 00:56:32,417
No matter what vicissitudes,
571
00:56:32,875 --> 00:56:35,875
what beatings she took,
or what lousy mother she was,
572
00:56:36,000 --> 00:56:40,625
or what record deals she lost because
she was fighting for rights in the USA...
573
00:56:42,058 --> 00:56:47,100
When you die, after having a life
like she had, you triumph as an idea.
574
00:56:50,225 --> 00:56:52,933
It was the same thing
with Maria Callas,
575
00:56:53,808 --> 00:56:56,017
Novalis, who died so young...
576
00:56:57,933 --> 00:56:59,600
the poet Hilda Hilst...
577
00:57:03,475 --> 00:57:06,017
Dead people comfort me.
578
00:57:07,600 --> 00:57:10,600
When I look at my life,
although I have many friends,
579
00:57:10,767 --> 00:57:14,100
I think I spend a lot more
time with these dead people...
580
00:57:16,350 --> 00:57:18,058
than the living.
581
00:57:19,142 --> 00:57:21,142
In the end,
582
00:57:23,225 --> 00:57:25,433
I think that what defines me
583
00:57:27,558 --> 00:57:29,350
is the fact that
584
00:57:30,392 --> 00:57:32,600
I'm really a necrophiliac.
585
01:01:20,608 --> 01:01:23,442
I seek this catharsis
and I never find it.
586
01:01:27,233 --> 01:01:30,192
It is a transcendence necessity
587
01:01:32,192 --> 01:01:34,400
a desire for the divine.
588
01:01:38,942 --> 01:01:41,650
And my body is my faith.
589
01:01:42,983 --> 01:01:44,775
Only the church,
590
01:01:45,442 --> 01:01:46,900
the morals
591
01:01:48,650 --> 01:01:50,525
say that we are only the head,
592
01:01:51,525 --> 01:01:54,275
what's at the top, what's light.
593
01:02:06,775 --> 01:02:09,942
When in their complete nature
the human being is a whole,
594
01:02:11,608 --> 01:02:13,525
top and bottom,
595
01:02:14,442 --> 01:02:16,150
near and far,
596
01:02:17,275 --> 01:02:19,692
open and closed,
597
01:02:20,567 --> 01:02:22,483
light and dark.
598
01:02:23,817 --> 01:02:25,817
Like peristalsis...
599
01:02:34,650 --> 01:02:37,733
The cock,
which hardens and softens.
600
01:02:40,608 --> 01:02:45,067
Human beings are
these paradoxes,
601
01:02:46,983 --> 01:02:49,483
and I only feel close to God
602
01:02:51,483 --> 01:02:55,817
when I accept these so-called
“dirty” lower parts.
603
01:02:59,358 --> 01:03:01,567
When I accept that I am my foot.
604
01:03:03,042 --> 01:03:04,750
My foot is also me.
605
01:03:08,792 --> 01:03:11,542
I am my foot,
606
01:03:14,792 --> 01:03:17,167
I am my shoulder.
607
01:03:19,458 --> 01:03:21,458
I am my cock,
608
01:03:23,792 --> 01:03:26,375
I am my asshole.
609
01:03:29,250 --> 01:03:30,833
And God...
610
01:03:32,958 --> 01:03:34,667
...is my asshole,
611
01:03:36,458 --> 01:03:39,125
God is this black hole
612
01:03:40,042 --> 01:03:45,458
where we all
want to get lost.
613
01:03:50,875 --> 01:03:54,625
Come fill up my God,
who is dead,
614
01:03:57,250 --> 01:04:00,625
come recreate the
universe in my rectum.
615
01:04:03,017 --> 01:04:04,975
This film is too vanilla!
616
01:04:08,058 --> 01:04:10,267
We need catharsis…
617
01:04:18,183 --> 01:04:19,933
We need…
618
01:04:25,517 --> 01:04:26,517
…God.
50790
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