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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:27,767 --> 00:00:32,767 The blue flower of Novalis 2 00:00:40,100 --> 00:00:41,683 I carry you as my own: 3 00:00:41,850 --> 00:00:44,350 Mutant dorsum, death. 4 00:00:44,642 --> 00:00:47,475 For millennia I have known of you Never have I met you. 5 00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:50,392 We, time's consorts Beloved death 6 00:00:50,683 --> 00:00:52,850 I kiss you on your flank Your teeth, 7 00:00:52,975 --> 00:00:54,808 Incandescent I walk by your chance and mine. 8 00:00:54,933 --> 00:00:58,142 I ride you horseback. I try. 9 00:01:00,933 --> 00:01:02,767 You will lose All the hours from me 10 00:01:02,892 --> 00:01:05,433 For you will take me At one given hour only. 11 00:01:05,558 --> 00:01:08,767 And perhaps you will come At a hollow, Insipid instant. 12 00:01:10,142 --> 00:01:12,183 Just imagine what you will lose, 13 00:01:12,308 --> 00:01:14,850 I who lived in the red Being a poet, 14 00:01:15,017 --> 00:01:17,225 and walked down Blazing paths 15 00:01:17,517 --> 00:01:18,683 I crossed the sun 16 00:01:18,808 --> 00:01:21,183 I touched the inner walls of friends 17 00:01:21,433 --> 00:01:23,392 My mouth on all feelings 18 00:01:23,558 --> 00:01:27,225 And I was taken, wounded by haunts, by thrills 19 00:01:27,558 --> 00:01:29,850 Just imagine that, death. 20 00:01:48,558 --> 00:01:51,183 I have a huge vitamin D deficiency. 21 00:01:51,308 --> 00:01:54,975 So I have to sunbathe, which I hate, 22 00:01:55,100 --> 00:01:58,058 but I do it every single day. 23 00:01:58,350 --> 00:02:02,392 Ten minutes on the tongue, ten on the hands and ten in the asshole. 24 00:02:03,267 --> 00:02:06,225 The coffee! 25 00:02:13,517 --> 00:02:16,475 You know I'm nobody without coffee. 26 00:02:17,058 --> 00:02:19,892 What are you doing so far away? I don't like that. 27 00:02:20,017 --> 00:02:22,850 Come closer. Come! 28 00:02:26,808 --> 00:02:30,558 What I really like is Italian espresso. 29 00:02:30,767 --> 00:02:35,350 If I could, I'd have one of those machines at home, 30 00:02:35,725 --> 00:02:40,725 But then I'd spend even more time at home than I usually do. 31 00:02:40,850 --> 00:02:45,767 But hand drip coffee reminds me of my grandma, dona Leoneta. 32 00:02:48,308 --> 00:02:55,642 Well, everything reminds me of something, I'm Pisces with Cancer rising. 33 00:02:56,475 --> 00:03:00,350 Pisces with Cancer rising... It's like 34 00:03:00,433 --> 00:03:04,517 Dory from “Finding Nemo” dying of lymphoma. 35 00:03:05,683 --> 00:03:08,017 We cry a lot. 36 00:03:09,892 --> 00:03:11,517 Do you want some coffee? 37 00:03:11,850 --> 00:03:13,642 No, thank you. 38 00:03:36,933 --> 00:03:39,392 Well, if anybody wants some, 39 00:03:41,058 --> 00:03:42,933 just help yourselves. 40 00:03:43,725 --> 00:03:46,975 What is your earliest memory? 41 00:03:48,392 --> 00:03:49,267 Before that... 42 00:03:49,350 --> 00:03:54,183 You've noticed I had a job done because of the film, right? 43 00:03:54,475 --> 00:03:55,683 A job? 44 00:03:55,767 --> 00:04:00,267 On my face, Gustavo, don't be a hypocrite. 45 00:04:02,933 --> 00:04:04,475 A plastic job? 46 00:04:04,642 --> 00:04:08,017 It's plastic all right. It's called methacrylate, 47 00:04:08,100 --> 00:04:14,308 they're acrylic microspheres, which enhance facial volume. 48 00:04:14,433 --> 00:04:18,058 - You did it for the film? - For life, rather. 49 00:04:18,183 --> 00:04:22,392 But I didn't think it was appropriate to be immortalized with that face I had... 50 00:04:22,517 --> 00:04:26,517 - What face? - That miserable... mournful... 51 00:04:26,642 --> 00:04:29,433 wretched face. 52 00:04:29,558 --> 00:04:33,267 - A miserable face. - Why? 53 00:04:34,433 --> 00:04:41,017 Because I took AZT in the early 2000s, when I found out I had HIV, 54 00:04:41,392 --> 00:04:46,725 and then I had some lipodystrophy, which has gotten worse in recent years. 55 00:04:46,850 --> 00:04:50,350 I don't know if my friends were too nice and didn't say anything 56 00:04:50,433 --> 00:04:55,933 or people just didn't notice it as I do, because I look at myself every day. 57 00:04:56,558 --> 00:04:59,350 And do you think it's better now? 58 00:04:59,850 --> 00:05:02,642 I do! I think it's better. 59 00:05:02,850 --> 00:05:06,475 I have Venus in Taurus, I need aesthetic comfort. 60 00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:14,892 And when did you get infected? 61 00:05:16,350 --> 00:05:19,850 I must have been around 22, 62 00:05:24,225 --> 00:05:27,350 I must have been 22 because... 63 00:05:27,933 --> 00:05:32,142 that's what my right hand line indicates, 64 00:05:34,808 --> 00:05:38,308 which is completely different from the left hand. 65 00:05:38,475 --> 00:05:39,545 - How so? 66 00:05:39,590 --> 00:05:42,933 - The left is the hand of your potentialities. 67 00:05:43,308 --> 00:05:47,975 The right hand shows what you've done with your life. 68 00:05:48,183 --> 00:05:53,100 And on my right hand there's a break that isn't on my left hand. 69 00:05:53,350 --> 00:05:58,975 And it's a break that, by the calculations that Indians make, 70 00:05:59,475 --> 00:06:05,142 falls exactly on the year 2002, which was when I got infected with HIV. 71 00:06:05,850 --> 00:06:11,017 Do you think that HIV is so important as to leave a mark on your life line? 72 00:06:11,808 --> 00:06:14,392 Isn't it important to you? 73 00:06:14,517 --> 00:06:17,683 Maybe it's not important to people on the outside. 74 00:06:17,975 --> 00:06:20,475 But it's important to someone who was born in 1980 75 00:06:20,642 --> 00:06:24,558 and saw that atrocious cover of Veja magazine with Cazuza 76 00:06:24,683 --> 00:06:28,892 and his family and all the homosexuals 77 00:06:29,558 --> 00:06:31,475 who had HIV. 78 00:06:32,267 --> 00:06:35,350 Maybe not from a practical point of view, 79 00:06:35,850 --> 00:06:39,058 I know I won't actually die of HIV. 80 00:06:39,350 --> 00:06:43,558 But from a symbolic point of view, think it's still a huge burden. 81 00:06:43,725 --> 00:06:49,350 Not HIV, but... all that's been built around it. 82 00:06:50,475 --> 00:06:55,808 So yeah, I think it's enough for a break in the hand line. 83 00:06:57,350 --> 00:07:00,100 There was a damaging aspect, which was 84 00:07:00,392 --> 00:07:06,017 having fulfilled a prediction of the most homophobic people in my family, 85 00:07:06,267 --> 00:07:11,392 who associate HIV with homosexuality. 86 00:07:11,517 --> 00:07:15,142 This is still a little troublesome to me... 87 00:07:16,558 --> 00:07:21,725 Thinking that I've done almost everything they imagine homosexuals will do. 88 00:07:22,017 --> 00:07:24,308 Doing drugs, 89 00:07:24,808 --> 00:07:28,267 Doing drag at least once in life. 90 00:07:32,933 --> 00:07:36,517 But in the end, these things that some homosexuals do 91 00:07:36,683 --> 00:07:43,142 aren't as terrible as my grandmother would like me to think they are. 92 00:07:44,475 --> 00:07:49,308 So maybe the only thing that bothers me is people being like, 93 00:07:49,642 --> 00:07:53,475 “Oh but you've become the stereotypical homosexual 94 00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:56,392 your grandma was afraid you would become.” 95 00:07:57,033 --> 00:08:01,283 Today I even pride myself on having become the very person my grandma 96 00:08:01,450 --> 00:08:03,367 tried so hard for me not to be. 97 00:08:04,075 --> 00:08:10,158 I guess that HIV adds a certain calculated tragedy to my life. 98 00:08:10,325 --> 00:08:13,033 I mean, I know I'm not going to die... 99 00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:15,825 I'm not Camille, see? 100 00:08:15,950 --> 00:08:18,742 But there's this Camille-like mystique. 101 00:08:18,867 --> 00:08:22,575 There's something deeply Christian about me. 102 00:08:22,908 --> 00:08:24,533 I guess it's got to do with having 103 00:08:24,658 --> 00:08:28,075 grown up in a Catholic home filled with images of saints 104 00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:32,158 and bibles with pictures by Rembrandt and Caravaggio. 105 00:08:33,492 --> 00:08:38,367 And I'm Pisces, so there's this idea of calculated... martyrdom. 106 00:08:38,617 --> 00:08:45,825 It's as if I could die a thousand times. HIV in 2018 adds this mystique. 107 00:08:46,700 --> 00:08:49,075 Can I tell the story of a saint? 108 00:08:49,283 --> 00:08:52,867 There's this saint, I think it was Saint Barth-No, Saint Bartholomew was... 109 00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:55,033 They skinned him. 110 00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:59,367 There's this saint who was a converted Roman patrician and 111 00:08:59,658 --> 00:09:02,658 he was sentenced to the grill. 112 00:09:03,050 --> 00:09:03,967 A grill, really. 113 00:09:04,050 --> 00:09:07,092 People used to place a grill over a charcoal fire and 114 00:09:07,175 --> 00:09:10,050 the convict was burned alive. 115 00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:16,175 After I read the story of this saint, I thought a lot about the role of humor 116 00:09:16,300 --> 00:09:19,633 for people who suffer a lot or who are really dense. 117 00:09:19,967 --> 00:09:23,592 They say that a Roman soldier who was torturing this saint 118 00:09:23,717 --> 00:09:25,258 whose name I don't remember 119 00:09:25,508 --> 00:09:27,633 said something to tease him and he replied like, 120 00:09:27,758 --> 00:09:29,717 “Nah, I'm fine, 121 00:09:30,050 --> 00:09:33,342 it's just that I'm done on this side, could you turn me over?” 122 00:09:37,675 --> 00:09:41,675 When I read this story I felt so close to this saint, 123 00:09:42,675 --> 00:09:46,342 because the role that humor has acquired for me, 124 00:09:46,508 --> 00:09:50,967 being such a dense person... 125 00:09:56,050 --> 00:09:58,300 Well, I'm rambling... 126 00:10:03,883 --> 00:10:06,675 Are you sure you don't want some coffee? 127 00:10:07,508 --> 00:10:09,758 Later. 128 00:10:30,717 --> 00:10:33,842 The definition of cinéma vérité should be 129 00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:38,550 “how to torture the objects of your film,” right? 130 00:10:40,858 --> 00:10:42,483 Last night 131 00:10:43,233 --> 00:10:45,483 I had a terrible earache, 132 00:10:46,567 --> 00:10:48,692 and as we're talking about memories, 133 00:10:48,858 --> 00:10:51,858 I remembered that my chronic earache 134 00:10:53,525 --> 00:10:55,775 may have its origin in my childhood. 135 00:10:56,192 --> 00:11:01,192 My father was an amateur race car driver. 136 00:11:01,317 --> 00:11:03,233 But as he's not from a millionaire family, 137 00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:05,775 he had to quit when he got married to my mother. 138 00:11:06,567 --> 00:11:11,733 And to replace the thrill he got from car racing, 139 00:11:12,358 --> 00:11:15,817 he went to the Interlagos track every week. 140 00:11:16,483 --> 00:11:19,358 And he took me along as a baby. 141 00:11:20,858 --> 00:11:23,192 That noise is insufferable. 142 00:11:23,817 --> 00:11:26,275 It's one reason why I don't drive. 143 00:11:27,067 --> 00:11:30,025 I think it somehow determined 144 00:11:30,442 --> 00:11:34,442 my hearing weakness. 145 00:11:36,983 --> 00:11:39,150 When my brother was born, 146 00:11:39,317 --> 00:11:42,650 I think it inaugurated the ambiguous relationship 147 00:11:42,817 --> 00:11:44,983 I would have with everything. 148 00:11:45,525 --> 00:11:47,692 Because I felt rejected 149 00:11:49,275 --> 00:11:51,900 and at the same time I felt relieved 150 00:11:53,108 --> 00:11:57,150 for having someone who would receive that heritage... 151 00:11:58,733 --> 00:12:01,733 which I never really wanted to receive. 152 00:12:03,442 --> 00:12:09,817 But as much as I hated those manly, aggressive games, 153 00:12:10,275 --> 00:12:12,650 which meant nothing to me, 154 00:12:13,067 --> 00:12:18,567 I kind of envied the relationship they had. 155 00:12:22,150 --> 00:12:24,817 Did you predict your brother's death? 156 00:12:25,358 --> 00:12:27,108 I did. 157 00:12:32,417 --> 00:12:35,208 I was around 11 years old, he was 9. 158 00:12:35,333 --> 00:12:38,792 I picked up his hand and saw a very short life line, 159 00:12:39,625 --> 00:12:43,333 and I said, “You'll die before you turn 19 years old.” 160 00:12:44,792 --> 00:12:46,500 And how did he die? 161 00:13:13,208 --> 00:13:15,000 It seems obvious. 162 00:13:15,792 --> 00:13:18,583 He died in a car crash. 163 00:13:19,083 --> 00:13:22,500 He drove out of my father's farm that day. 164 00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:25,333 My father told him, “Drive safely on the highway.” 165 00:13:25,458 --> 00:13:27,750 And he said, “Why? I'll die of it.” 166 00:13:31,042 --> 00:13:34,458 And he died... of it. 167 00:13:37,458 --> 00:13:40,542 I was the first person to know, 168 00:13:41,500 --> 00:13:46,833 and I was put in charge of all the red tape. 169 00:13:49,167 --> 00:13:51,833 I went to the morgue, 170 00:13:52,917 --> 00:13:57,917 I told them how to place him in the coffin so as to hide his wounds. 171 00:14:00,333 --> 00:14:05,167 I opened his wallet and found two pregnancy tests 172 00:14:06,792 --> 00:14:09,417 from two different women. 173 00:14:15,792 --> 00:14:19,000 He fulfilled his heterosexual role to the end. 174 00:14:21,333 --> 00:14:23,542 I left the place with the body. 175 00:14:23,792 --> 00:14:26,708 I, who until then was considered so fragile, 176 00:14:26,833 --> 00:14:30,583 incapable of handling great events... 177 00:14:30,917 --> 00:14:33,250 I couldn't even stand a car's noise, 178 00:14:33,375 --> 00:14:35,667 but it was I who had to take care of everything. 179 00:14:35,892 --> 00:14:38,350 Even of a severed earlobe. 180 00:14:40,350 --> 00:14:41,892 I arrived at the wake with the body, 181 00:14:42,017 --> 00:14:45,392 where people were already waiting for my brother. 182 00:14:45,725 --> 00:14:47,683 My mother hugged me with the... 183 00:14:47,892 --> 00:14:50,767 ... cold arms of someone who'd never been hugged, 184 00:14:50,975 --> 00:14:52,517 and said, 185 00:14:53,142 --> 00:14:57,683 “Son, I thought you were going to die first.” 186 00:15:00,350 --> 00:15:03,433 He, like Christ, on my mother's right side 187 00:15:03,558 --> 00:15:06,433 and on the left 188 00:15:08,142 --> 00:15:10,558 an endless line of women. 189 00:15:11,725 --> 00:15:14,725 Countless women. 190 00:15:19,850 --> 00:15:21,767 What they didn't know, 191 00:15:22,933 --> 00:15:25,308 nor did my mother, who hardly fucked in her life, 192 00:15:25,433 --> 00:15:30,642 nor did those women he must have fucked once, twice, three times at the most, 193 00:15:32,517 --> 00:15:35,100 was that I had been the first. 194 00:15:47,558 --> 00:15:50,683 And you must think that he came into my room at night, 195 00:15:50,808 --> 00:15:53,683 because he was the heterosexual male predator... 196 00:15:58,517 --> 00:16:02,433 But it was I who went to him every night for 6 months 197 00:16:03,517 --> 00:16:06,225 and touched his hard cock under his underwear. 198 00:16:06,350 --> 00:16:09,183 Then one day he stopped pretending to be asleep, 199 00:16:09,308 --> 00:16:11,017 woke up 200 00:16:11,475 --> 00:16:12,725 and fucked me. 201 00:16:12,850 --> 00:16:17,600 And I really liked it, so much that we fucked for another 8 months. 202 00:16:51,992 --> 00:16:53,825 It's hot stuff. 203 00:17:39,217 --> 00:17:40,967 In fact, 204 00:17:42,342 --> 00:17:46,258 when I told mom what had happened between us, 205 00:17:47,550 --> 00:17:53,717 for the first time she expressed concern for me 206 00:17:56,342 --> 00:17:59,967 and asked, - “Did he hurt you?” 207 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:31,633 Do you think it's good to get inside my head? 208 00:18:34,133 --> 00:18:36,300 I'm pretty complicated, eh? 209 00:18:40,425 --> 00:18:42,592 And today is Sunday. 210 00:18:42,883 --> 00:18:45,050 I hate Sundays. 211 00:18:46,883 --> 00:18:48,258 Why? 212 00:18:50,675 --> 00:18:53,592 Do you think this is my first job as an actress? 213 00:18:55,925 --> 00:18:58,633 I don't know if I'm very convincing, 214 00:18:59,133 --> 00:19:03,342 but I played a very convincing role from the age of 5 to 10. 215 00:19:03,967 --> 00:19:07,717 I can say that I was a child actress. 216 00:19:08,883 --> 00:19:10,258 How so? 217 00:19:12,383 --> 00:19:17,883 One fine day my father ran into an ex-girlfriend from his teenage years, 218 00:19:19,883 --> 00:19:22,383 and they started having an affair. 219 00:19:24,008 --> 00:19:28,342 And every Sunday my father would take me and my brother 220 00:19:28,508 --> 00:19:31,258 to spend the day with his lover. 221 00:19:32,925 --> 00:19:36,217 We did everything that our mother didn't let us do, 222 00:19:36,342 --> 00:19:41,550 either because it was too expensive or because it was too energy-consuming. 223 00:19:44,342 --> 00:19:47,050 It was fun, like, we went to the amusement park 224 00:19:47,258 --> 00:19:49,550 much more often than any of our schoolmates. 225 00:19:49,842 --> 00:19:52,300 We went on helicopter rides... 226 00:19:55,425 --> 00:19:58,925 But always in the space of a Sunday. 227 00:20:01,108 --> 00:20:08,608 Then I remember I felt an unprecedented and unbearable feeling of anguish 228 00:20:08,900 --> 00:20:10,233 for the first time. 229 00:20:10,358 --> 00:20:12,650 It was 1985. 230 00:20:16,042 --> 00:20:18,667 Because when we were getting ready to go back home 231 00:20:18,833 --> 00:20:21,125 and my father said goodbye to his lover, 232 00:20:21,833 --> 00:20:24,917 he began pulling his strings 233 00:20:25,292 --> 00:20:29,375 on me and my brother in the car, trying to get us... 234 00:20:31,375 --> 00:20:33,833 to lie to my mother. 235 00:20:36,125 --> 00:20:40,208 In a way, I was relieved at my brother's death, 236 00:20:40,583 --> 00:20:44,458 but I miss having an accomplice of sorts. 237 00:20:50,167 --> 00:20:53,583 I'd like to forget... There are but few things I'd like to forget... 238 00:20:53,750 --> 00:20:56,208 But I'd like to forget... 239 00:21:03,125 --> 00:21:05,583 And I find it really hard to forget. 240 00:21:06,917 --> 00:21:10,333 I've told you I have memories of other lives, right? 241 00:21:14,167 --> 00:21:17,583 I've never believed in other lives. I thought it was 242 00:21:18,042 --> 00:21:21,500 intellectually insulting to believe in other lives. 243 00:21:22,417 --> 00:21:26,500 Then I started going to Candomblé and I did my karmic birth chart, 244 00:21:26,708 --> 00:21:29,500 and I started having memories. 245 00:21:32,958 --> 00:21:35,750 One of them was really clear... 246 00:21:37,542 --> 00:21:42,167 It explains a little my passion for violence... A passion that I try to control 247 00:21:43,500 --> 00:21:46,292 and that I only give free rein to in sex. 248 00:21:46,750 --> 00:21:48,208 I was a general. 249 00:21:48,417 --> 00:21:50,667 If I was a really vain person, 250 00:21:51,292 --> 00:21:54,500 I guess I'd say I was Genghis Khan, but I don't think I was Genghis Khan. 251 00:21:54,750 --> 00:21:58,208 But I was a man in Asia in the Middle Ages, 252 00:21:58,708 --> 00:22:01,750 a huge heavy-set man 253 00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:04,292 leading an army. 254 00:22:05,708 --> 00:22:08,250 I remember the rush 255 00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:15,250 of sending around 2,000 men to slaughter the enemy army 256 00:22:15,750 --> 00:22:18,333 or some village they had invaded. 257 00:22:18,625 --> 00:22:21,375 I saw nothing but those men... 258 00:22:28,042 --> 00:22:29,542 And the other one? 259 00:22:29,917 --> 00:22:31,708 The most recent one... 260 00:22:37,375 --> 00:22:39,042 was in Germany. 261 00:22:41,958 --> 00:22:45,375 I was Novalis, have you ever heard of Novalis? 262 00:22:46,417 --> 00:22:49,833 He's a German poet from the Romantic Era. 263 00:22:51,125 --> 00:22:53,375 An awfully sensitive... 264 00:22:56,583 --> 00:22:58,250 straight man. 265 00:22:59,750 --> 00:23:01,625 I was straight once. 266 00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:09,833 He had an obsession, this absurd idea... of finding a blue flower. 267 00:23:11,100 --> 00:23:15,433 All his poetry was a kind of priesthood, 268 00:23:16,183 --> 00:23:19,642 a praise of the night. But not a morbid night, 269 00:23:19,850 --> 00:23:22,142 a revealing night. 270 00:23:23,475 --> 00:23:26,225 And what does the blue flower mean? 271 00:23:29,392 --> 00:23:31,683 The blue flower... 272 00:23:33,475 --> 00:23:36,933 I feel vulgar just trying to define what the blue flower meant 273 00:23:37,142 --> 00:23:40,350 to a man who died searching for it. 274 00:23:43,475 --> 00:23:45,767 What is the blue flower? 275 00:23:47,975 --> 00:23:49,683 I don't know... 276 00:23:50,058 --> 00:23:55,142 It's the love he saw die, or God, 277 00:23:58,183 --> 00:24:00,850 or transcendence, or death, 278 00:24:01,308 --> 00:24:04,475 or catharsis. I don't know what the blue flower is. 279 00:24:06,808 --> 00:24:09,392 It's this thing that doesn't exist, 280 00:24:11,850 --> 00:24:14,392 only... it does exist. 281 00:24:16,517 --> 00:24:19,683 Do you see all this in your head? 282 00:24:21,950 --> 00:24:24,700 I don't know if it's possible... 283 00:24:25,075 --> 00:24:27,908 for someone to stay inside it for long. 284 00:24:28,367 --> 00:24:31,992 Even I've tried to escape sometimes. 285 00:24:34,367 --> 00:24:40,075 I think that's why my love relationships haven't been very successful. 286 00:25:07,117 --> 00:25:09,617 How I love myself! 287 00:25:42,908 --> 00:25:49,033 Funny how anyone could question what you believe in... 288 00:25:49,575 --> 00:25:54,950 If I claim to have been Novalis, how can anyone say I was not Novalis? 289 00:25:55,450 --> 00:25:58,408 Like in these sex apps... 290 00:25:59,675 --> 00:26:05,800 You can be a daddy, a son, an otter, a bear... 291 00:26:09,092 --> 00:26:13,383 As you've spent the whole day with me, I have a lot of unanswered messages. 292 00:26:13,550 --> 00:26:14,758 It's that... 293 00:26:19,883 --> 00:26:22,050 I don't know, I spend hours here and... 294 00:26:23,300 --> 00:26:24,425 nothing. 295 00:26:24,550 --> 00:26:28,425 Then when I'm busy, guys start messaging me. 296 00:26:28,550 --> 00:26:30,133 Plus, it's Sunday. 297 00:26:30,425 --> 00:26:33,675 I think people get a little anxious about being idle. 298 00:26:35,592 --> 00:26:39,758 And fucking is a way to quell anxieties. 299 00:26:40,008 --> 00:26:42,425 Idleness is dangerous for most people. 300 00:26:45,550 --> 00:26:47,175 Ah, this one is fun... 301 00:26:47,342 --> 00:26:50,633 - He's into pet play, you know? - No, what's that? 302 00:26:50,758 --> 00:26:54,217 Oh, it's pretending you're a pet, usually a dog, right? 303 00:26:54,675 --> 00:26:58,050 I don't know, he's a switch, he plays both ways. 304 00:26:58,317 --> 00:27:00,275 He's either the dog or the owner. 305 00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:02,733 I've already done it, not with him, but I really want to. 306 00:27:02,858 --> 00:27:05,608 He's so young... A real cutie. 307 00:27:06,733 --> 00:27:10,233 - And what do you do? - Oh, you keep barking... 308 00:27:10,358 --> 00:27:15,692 There is sexual intercourse, but the guy is turned on by watching you act like a dog. 309 00:27:15,858 --> 00:27:18,775 And there's this absolute loyalty on the dog's part. 310 00:27:18,900 --> 00:27:23,233 You stay there, on all fours, sucking his foot while he watches TV. 311 00:27:23,567 --> 00:27:26,108 It may or may not lead to sex. 312 00:27:26,317 --> 00:27:29,400 Oh, this is one is hilarious, because he says he's discreet, 313 00:27:29,525 --> 00:27:31,983 we've argued several times because 314 00:27:32,483 --> 00:27:35,567 he said that I was too open about sexuality... 315 00:27:35,733 --> 00:27:38,983 But the other day I saw him at the bakery around the corner 316 00:27:39,150 --> 00:27:41,483 and he's such a queen. I thought it was funny. 317 00:27:41,608 --> 00:27:45,317 This guy has horrendous feet, when I told him I had a foot fetish, 318 00:27:45,442 --> 00:27:49,233 the guy thought I had to fuck him because he's into feet, too, 319 00:27:49,358 --> 00:27:52,067 but his feet are not my kind of feet. 320 00:27:52,483 --> 00:27:55,233 This is a married jerk who also lives nearby. 321 00:27:55,442 --> 00:27:59,317 He's never sent me his face pic, I've even sent him my endoscopy results. 322 00:28:00,108 --> 00:28:02,525 Oh, this is a yummy one that sometimes comes to piss on me... 323 00:28:03,817 --> 00:28:08,400 Like Blanche Dubois, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers. 324 00:28:13,567 --> 00:28:16,608 I love it that this guy loves filming his fucks, from what he told me. 325 00:28:16,733 --> 00:28:18,983 He's sent me some of his videos. 326 00:28:19,692 --> 00:28:25,150 And I have a morbid relationship with exposing myself. 327 00:28:26,775 --> 00:28:28,817 I feel objectified, like, 328 00:28:29,108 --> 00:28:33,733 when a guy is a top, a dominant, and on top of all he likes to film the fuck. 329 00:28:34,108 --> 00:28:39,025 For a long time I entertained a rather perverse idea 330 00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:45,817 of filming my fucks and sending them to my father. 331 00:28:47,692 --> 00:28:48,733 Why? 332 00:28:49,233 --> 00:28:53,650 I think it'd be a really sophisticated porn revenge. 333 00:28:55,650 --> 00:28:58,442 I even had a daddy some time ago, 334 00:28:58,650 --> 00:29:03,025 and he liked it that I was into exhibitionism. 335 00:29:03,192 --> 00:29:09,442 We filmed our fucks, we had a blog where we posted this kind of stuff. 336 00:29:09,650 --> 00:29:12,983 And I even gave him my father's e-mail address. 337 00:29:13,667 --> 00:29:15,833 I had this fantasy that one day, 338 00:29:16,208 --> 00:29:20,208 out of the blue, my father would call me to say that he'd got 339 00:29:20,333 --> 00:29:24,375 some videos of me being fucked in the ass by a guy his age. 340 00:29:26,250 --> 00:29:30,667 It seemed such a perverse, sadistic idea for me 341 00:29:31,375 --> 00:29:33,875 to want to make my father suffer. 342 00:29:37,833 --> 00:29:41,500 It was also a kind of masochistic idea, putting myself in a situation 343 00:29:43,708 --> 00:29:47,000 that my father must find abject. 344 00:29:52,917 --> 00:30:00,917 But... parents should be afraid of their kids being drug dealers, or drug addicts 345 00:30:02,083 --> 00:30:08,917 or psychopaths, or a conservative, corrupt congressman or of them starving. 346 00:30:12,667 --> 00:30:17,542 And what my father cringed at was that I should like to be fucked in the ass. 347 00:31:35,958 --> 00:31:38,417 And what do you do, Marcelo? 348 00:31:41,142 --> 00:31:43,600 What do you mean, what do I do? 349 00:31:45,975 --> 00:31:48,683 I am myself. I'm this thing that you've been looking at. 350 00:31:48,892 --> 00:31:51,392 That you came over to film, for some reason 351 00:31:51,600 --> 00:31:54,808 that should explain why I am interesting. 352 00:31:55,017 --> 00:31:57,058 Do I have to be useful? 353 00:31:57,183 --> 00:31:58,933 Is that what you're implying? 354 00:31:59,267 --> 00:32:04,308 I am a little stray fox with crepuscular habits. 355 00:32:09,825 --> 00:32:13,242 I am useless, as is everything that matters. 356 00:32:13,783 --> 00:32:15,200 I am here. 357 00:32:16,117 --> 00:32:19,117 I am this person who is right here. 358 00:33:04,950 --> 00:33:08,200 Will the despotism of the earthly never cease? 359 00:33:13,658 --> 00:33:17,742 Unholy activity consumes the angel-visit of the Night. 360 00:33:21,283 --> 00:33:26,783 Will the time never come when Love's hidden sacrifice shall burn eternally? 361 00:33:28,617 --> 00:33:30,825 To the Light a season was set; 362 00:33:31,658 --> 00:33:35,533 but everlasting and boundless is the dominion of the Night. 363 00:33:36,158 --> 00:33:38,367 Endless is the duration of sleep. 364 00:33:40,158 --> 00:33:41,950 Holy Sleep, 365 00:33:43,617 --> 00:33:46,117 the devoted servant of the Night. 366 00:33:48,367 --> 00:33:52,450 gladden not too seldom in this earthly day-labor. 367 00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:13,783 Fuck me, fuck me, you little slut, fuck me! What a cock, oh what a cock! 368 00:34:14,117 --> 00:34:18,117 I love making them think they are something they are not. 369 00:34:18,283 --> 00:34:25,408 Fuck me, you little slut. What a stud! I've never been fucked by a guy like this! 370 00:34:28,450 --> 00:34:33,825 But what I really like is how they're deflated after they come. 371 00:34:34,283 --> 00:34:36,783 Lying helpless on my bed. 372 00:34:36,992 --> 00:34:40,825 Fuck me, fuck me! 373 00:35:47,742 --> 00:35:51,658 This hot, semi-famous guy moved into my apartment building 374 00:35:51,992 --> 00:35:55,033 and we had a kind of BDSM relationship. 375 00:35:55,358 --> 00:35:57,650 I was submissive, he was dominant. 376 00:35:57,858 --> 00:36:02,692 Then one day he texts me, “Come on up to serve me.” 377 00:36:03,317 --> 00:36:06,275 Then I went upstairs, of course, the guy was delicious. 378 00:36:06,858 --> 00:36:10,900 I get there and I start sucking the guy, this huge cock. 379 00:36:11,608 --> 00:36:15,942 After some time, I found out that, in fact, he isn't a dominant. He's a lazy ass, 380 00:36:16,067 --> 00:36:19,775 he can't keep up a good performance for long, 381 00:36:19,983 --> 00:36:22,567 so he overdoes the abuse, 382 00:36:22,692 --> 00:36:26,483 and that makes him seem more interesting than he is. 383 00:36:26,942 --> 00:36:29,775 I was there on all fours, in panties, sucking him off 384 00:36:29,900 --> 00:36:31,733 with my eyes closed, as he'd told me to. 385 00:36:31,942 --> 00:36:35,275 Then he goes, “I'm giving you a little gift,” 386 00:36:35,525 --> 00:36:37,192 and I hear him spit, 387 00:36:37,358 --> 00:36:41,067 and then he shoves a little something up my ass. 388 00:36:42,775 --> 00:36:46,358 And he says, “Get up and go away.” 389 00:36:48,442 --> 00:36:51,233 I went downstairs, not knowing what to make of it. 390 00:36:51,525 --> 00:36:55,567 I got into my place, that stupid Jack Bauer show, 24, was on, 391 00:36:55,775 --> 00:36:58,483 with that dam little clock on the screen. 392 00:36:59,692 --> 00:37:02,692 And sure enough, I pulled that thing out of my ass. 393 00:37:02,900 --> 00:37:04,608 I'd never seen such a thing, 394 00:37:04,775 --> 00:37:10,567 it had a USB end and a litlle display with changing digits... 395 00:37:11,150 --> 00:37:13,233 The digits kept changing 396 00:37:13,483 --> 00:37:16,442 there was that Jack Bauer clock on the TV screen. 397 00:37:16,650 --> 00:37:21,983 I'd never seen such a thing, and to me that couldn't be anything other than a bomb. 398 00:37:22,150 --> 00:37:24,650 Why would anybody stick a bomb up someone else's ass? 399 00:37:24,775 --> 00:37:27,317 Why would anybody have a bomb at home 400 00:37:27,442 --> 00:37:29,275 with a USB end? 401 00:37:29,625 --> 00:37:33,167 Then I looked at my dog, I looked at my records by Maria Callas, by Bach 402 00:37:33,292 --> 00:37:34,708 by Glenn Gould... 403 00:37:35,292 --> 00:37:38,750 I looked at the family pictures, of the few people that I like in my family, 404 00:37:38,875 --> 00:37:40,500 I looked at my books... 405 00:37:40,708 --> 00:37:44,458 and I said, “Damn, am I going to die like this, with a bomb up my ass?” 406 00:37:44,625 --> 00:37:48,542 Then I put my robe on top of my panties, I ran down to the building's trash can 407 00:37:48,708 --> 00:37:50,750 and threw out the bomb. 408 00:37:51,750 --> 00:37:54,792 And as I was coming back up, I thought, “Well, now everybody's gonna blow up.” 409 00:37:54,917 --> 00:37:57,833 How absurd is it for someone to stick a bomb up your ass, 410 00:37:57,958 --> 00:38:02,250 and then you throw it into a place that's going to kill a bunch of people. 411 00:38:03,417 --> 00:38:05,250 Then that was that... 412 00:38:06,042 --> 00:38:09,083 I was left absolutely clueless. It was the most nonsense thing in my life. 413 00:38:09,250 --> 00:38:12,243 The next day I'm talking to a friend, he asks, “Will we go to the bank with me?” 414 00:38:12,333 --> 00:38:15,125 and he pulls out that fucking token! 415 00:38:16,042 --> 00:38:18,333 I felt like the most ridiculous person in the world, 416 00:38:18,458 --> 00:38:22,833 till I was finally able to tell this story like I just did... 417 00:38:26,167 --> 00:38:30,750 - So the thing was a token? - It was a bank security token. 418 00:38:30,917 --> 00:38:34,333 I mean, I think not even Freud would understand this guy, 419 00:38:34,458 --> 00:38:39,208 this relationship between shit and money, and cock, and sex, I don't know. 420 00:38:39,667 --> 00:38:44,792 The next day he texts me, “Come up and bring me back that little gift.” 421 00:38:45,417 --> 00:38:48,833 Of course I couldn't take the gift back, 422 00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:52,125 and since then this guy doesn't look me in the face. 423 00:38:54,875 --> 00:38:59,000 It's all this crazy stuff... about my ass. 424 00:39:00,333 --> 00:39:05,000 Like what I'm doing now, sitting in a bowlful of almond milk, 425 00:39:06,625 --> 00:39:10,500 thinking that the life of 19th-century French courtesans 426 00:39:10,667 --> 00:39:12,708 shouldn't be that different... 427 00:39:48,000 --> 00:39:51,958 - What kind of milk is it? - It's almond milk. 428 00:39:54,250 --> 00:39:58,792 It's good for someone who has a sexual frequency like I do. 429 00:40:02,833 --> 00:40:08,333 It's funny, I wonder if active men have a sex-related routine... 430 00:40:09,083 --> 00:40:12,542 like we do. 431 00:40:15,375 --> 00:40:20,208 But I enjoy it... It seemed humiliating at first... 432 00:40:20,542 --> 00:40:24,125 But now I see it as a kind of liturgy, you know? 433 00:40:25,833 --> 00:40:29,917 A kind of ritual, of sacrifice that we do 434 00:40:31,208 --> 00:40:35,958 to have some pleasure that only we can enjoy. 435 00:40:36,958 --> 00:40:41,500 This almond milk was ridiculously cheap at the grocery store. 436 00:40:45,958 --> 00:40:48,833 This is beginning to sound like “Story of the Eye”. 437 00:40:49,083 --> 00:40:54,708 I wonder if Bataille would be appalled at how I banalize his images? 438 00:41:08,950 --> 00:41:14,117 I've improvised this little mirror here. 439 00:41:15,367 --> 00:41:19,367 Then I remembered my grandmother Leoneta's dressing table. 440 00:41:19,908 --> 00:41:22,908 It was from the 1930s, when she married. 441 00:41:23,492 --> 00:41:26,033 It was beautiful, untouched. 442 00:41:26,200 --> 00:41:30,200 She kept some perfumes there from the time of her wedding, imagine that! 443 00:41:30,492 --> 00:41:31,825 They'd all gone bad. 444 00:41:32,242 --> 00:41:36,158 She never let anyone open them, nor did she ever wear them. 445 00:41:39,908 --> 00:41:42,992 She was the most original woman I've ever met. 446 00:41:43,283 --> 00:41:45,075 And frigid. 447 00:41:50,158 --> 00:41:52,700 She told me herself that she was frigid. 448 00:41:57,492 --> 00:42:00,242 I think she married in 1930, 31... 449 00:42:04,992 --> 00:42:09,075 And a few months later, she came up to my grandfather, 450 00:42:09,450 --> 00:42:16,075 who controlled the finances, the length of her petticoat and even her schedule 451 00:42:16,450 --> 00:42:20,908 and asked, “Will you make a woman's doctor's appointment for me?” 452 00:42:21,967 --> 00:42:24,508 He asked her why and she said, 453 00:42:24,800 --> 00:42:28,300 “Oh, because I want to feel what you feel every night 454 00:42:28,467 --> 00:42:31,342 when you climb onto me and moan like a dog.” 455 00:42:34,342 --> 00:42:37,550 Then he said, “I won't make any doctor's appointment, 456 00:42:39,425 --> 00:42:43,092 women who feel pleasure end up betraying the husband.” 457 00:42:46,550 --> 00:42:52,050 Fifty years later, as they were planning their 50th wedding anniversary party, 458 00:42:54,300 --> 00:42:57,425 my grandma is at the beauty salon on a Saturday with my aunt, 459 00:42:57,550 --> 00:43:00,175 someone phones in to say my grandfather had died. 460 00:43:05,508 --> 00:43:08,050 He died in a ridiculous way. 461 00:43:08,467 --> 00:43:12,842 He was at the local market, after closing his shop for the day, he was a barber. 462 00:43:13,050 --> 00:43:15,675 And they say he died with a salami under his arm. 463 00:43:15,800 --> 00:43:18,842 He had a massive heart attack while waiting in line. 464 00:43:20,425 --> 00:43:23,467 Well, when the hairdresser said that to my grandmother, 465 00:43:23,633 --> 00:43:31,633 my grandma let out a shriek as southern Italian women do in such cases, 466 00:43:33,508 --> 00:43:34,967 she looked at my aunt and said, 467 00:43:35,092 --> 00:43:39,508 “Darn, right on the day when I have these long red nails!” 468 00:43:39,717 --> 00:43:43,467 Her nails always looked like Alcione's, the singer. 469 00:43:45,633 --> 00:43:50,008 They went to the wake, I was 5 years old. 470 00:43:51,883 --> 00:43:55,342 After a while of my family crying over 471 00:43:55,508 --> 00:43:58,675 the death of the man everybody said had been a saint, 472 00:43:58,800 --> 00:44:01,508 two women, a mother and daughter, walk in. 473 00:44:01,633 --> 00:44:04,175 The woman looked a little like my grandmother 474 00:44:04,300 --> 00:44:06,967 and her daughter looked just like my oldest aunt. 475 00:44:07,758 --> 00:44:11,425 Then the next day at home we found out that 476 00:44:13,842 --> 00:44:16,633 that was my grandfather's second family. 477 00:44:19,275 --> 00:44:23,400 My grandpa had been married to that woman for 40 years, 478 00:44:23,525 --> 00:44:25,317 and to my grandma for 50. 479 00:44:28,233 --> 00:44:32,192 He closed the shop, went to that woman's place, 480 00:44:32,400 --> 00:44:35,442 had dinner with her and the daughter, 481 00:44:36,983 --> 00:44:42,483 and left on the last streetcar to my grandmother's, the official home. 482 00:44:48,942 --> 00:44:54,233 Sometimes I think that much of my sexuality has to do with 483 00:44:56,442 --> 00:45:00,400 these women's repressed desires. 484 00:45:06,608 --> 00:45:12,108 These successive generations spent in tending the house, making polenta, 485 00:45:13,358 --> 00:45:15,608 caring for children, 486 00:45:16,358 --> 00:45:21,025 tolerating husbands and being thankful for having one. 487 00:45:38,233 --> 00:45:43,358 Well, now I think we should take a break, because I need to leave this to dry. 488 00:45:45,692 --> 00:45:49,692 And after all this verbiage I think it's interesting... 489 00:45:54,417 --> 00:45:57,500 I think it's interesting to have a little silence. 490 00:49:45,033 --> 00:49:47,825 A cigar can be a phallic symbol, 491 00:49:48,825 --> 00:49:51,158 but often it's just a cigar. 492 00:50:01,283 --> 00:50:04,283 This place is as chaotic as my mind, 493 00:50:05,033 --> 00:50:09,200 but I think it's the only place in the world where I feel I am among friends. 494 00:50:31,075 --> 00:50:34,408 Have you ever thought about using 495 00:50:34,533 --> 00:50:37,492 your knowledge for some kind of work? 496 00:50:44,450 --> 00:50:49,575 You have now exasperated me with that persistent question. 497 00:50:51,492 --> 00:50:54,992 You sound like my grandmother, or my father. 498 00:51:01,367 --> 00:51:05,283 I think the only thing I could have been is an actor. 499 00:51:06,158 --> 00:51:09,700 I only realized that after we started making this film. 500 00:51:11,200 --> 00:51:13,992 I remember going to the bakery for bread, 501 00:51:14,742 --> 00:51:20,367 at 8 or 10 years old, when we start running errands for our parents... 502 00:51:21,033 --> 00:51:21,867 for our parents. 503 00:51:22,033 --> 00:51:24,825 I remember the clerks at the bakery saying, 504 00:51:25,325 --> 00:51:27,700 “Yikes, what a sissy voice,” 505 00:51:29,367 --> 00:51:31,489 and complaining to my father, and him saying, 506 00:51:31,534 --> 00:51:33,325 “Yeah, you have to sound more manly.” 507 00:51:33,492 --> 00:51:37,533 When you're 8 and every boy is still a soprano. 508 00:51:39,258 --> 00:51:40,508 So I thought, 509 00:51:41,592 --> 00:51:44,133 “What kind of actor am I going to be with this voice?” 510 00:51:44,342 --> 00:51:49,175 “What kind of universality will I achieve, how will people identify with me?” 511 00:51:52,383 --> 00:51:59,383 I only realized now how my voice isolated and marginalized me. 512 00:52:01,258 --> 00:52:04,050 What kind of Hamlet was I going to play? 513 00:52:04,217 --> 00:52:06,467 A fagot Hamlet, right? 514 00:52:07,175 --> 00:52:12,342 But today I think that, after so many Hamlets, 515 00:52:12,508 --> 00:52:15,675 the world could really use a super gay Hamlet. 516 00:52:22,550 --> 00:52:24,633 You know what intrigues me? 517 00:52:28,258 --> 00:52:31,050 Every day there's some new technology... 518 00:52:32,300 --> 00:52:35,342 In theory, I no longer need these CDs, 519 00:52:36,217 --> 00:52:40,842 with that cloud thing and gadgets and apps... 520 00:52:45,425 --> 00:52:50,050 Every week there's something new out there. 521 00:52:53,050 --> 00:52:54,467 But the other day 522 00:52:55,717 --> 00:52:58,508 I got to thinking, what about the umbrella? 523 00:53:00,508 --> 00:53:03,300 Have you noticed that an umbrella is the same since forever? 524 00:53:03,425 --> 00:53:08,383 Take the umbrellas in those Chinese illustrations, 525 00:53:09,300 --> 00:53:11,342 the structure is the same! 526 00:53:12,525 --> 00:53:15,317 Not much has been done to protect us from rain, 527 00:53:15,483 --> 00:53:17,817 nothing as efficient as an umbrella. 528 00:53:22,733 --> 00:53:30,400 Well, everyone goes to these big chain supermarkets. 529 00:53:31,650 --> 00:53:35,108 And they all have a small flower shop at the entrance. 530 00:53:39,317 --> 00:53:43,942 I love flowers, but I despair when I walk into these supermarkets, 531 00:53:44,067 --> 00:53:45,983 I walk past them with my eyes half closed. 532 00:53:47,400 --> 00:53:49,650 Have you seen those colors? 533 00:53:51,067 --> 00:53:53,893 It's true that in nature there are flowers that are orange, for example, 534 00:53:53,983 --> 00:53:58,067 Louis XIV had a huge bed of orange roses built in Versailles. 535 00:53:58,775 --> 00:54:01,983 But at those chain supermarkets 536 00:54:02,233 --> 00:54:05,567 the orange in the flowers 537 00:54:06,942 --> 00:54:09,733 looks more like Romero Britto than Louis XIV. 538 00:54:12,733 --> 00:54:17,067 And then they had the brilliant idea 539 00:54:18,025 --> 00:54:20,400 of displaying some blue flowers. 540 00:54:20,875 --> 00:54:25,000 But it's not the blue close to a violet's violet. 541 00:54:25,375 --> 00:54:29,167 It's not the blue that we only rarely find in nature. 542 00:54:30,500 --> 00:54:35,750 It's a gouache blue, it's a fake blue, 543 00:54:36,250 --> 00:54:37,542 it's aniline-like! 544 00:54:37,708 --> 00:54:43,208 It's not even genetically modified - that would be a triumph of science. 545 00:54:43,333 --> 00:54:49,500 No! It's a tacky blue, the color of a thrift-store couch. 546 00:54:50,542 --> 00:54:53,667 Now, just think: 547 00:54:55,083 --> 00:54:58,958 an early 19th-century poet 548 00:54:59,542 --> 00:55:02,167 devotes his life 549 00:55:05,625 --> 00:55:09,167 to the search for this symbol... 550 00:55:10,833 --> 00:55:14,125 I don't know if Novalis... 551 00:55:14,292 --> 00:55:19,125 I don't know if I actually believed in the existence of this blue flower, 552 00:55:19,250 --> 00:55:21,875 but as a metaphor it's brilliant... 553 00:55:22,708 --> 00:55:26,333 There is not much left to dream about in this world... 554 00:55:28,500 --> 00:55:30,708 Do you think you are superior to the world? 555 00:55:33,250 --> 00:55:36,917 Superior? What nonsense! 556 00:55:37,125 --> 00:55:39,542 I can be quite narcissistic, 557 00:55:39,875 --> 00:55:43,292 but there is no pretense of superiority when I say that. 558 00:55:43,500 --> 00:55:46,917 There is a great story about the actress Lucélia Santos. 559 00:55:47,083 --> 00:55:51,417 They asked her, “Why do you do so many period soap operas?” 560 00:55:51,583 --> 00:55:53,458 And she replied, 561 00:55:53,750 --> 00:55:57,042 “Because the authors know I like to ride a buggy.” 562 00:56:01,500 --> 00:56:02,958 That's it, I guess. 563 00:56:03,083 --> 00:56:07,292 It's the reason I live my life the way I do: 564 00:56:07,417 --> 00:56:09,000 I like old things, 565 00:56:09,250 --> 00:56:11,667 and I like dead things. 566 00:56:12,250 --> 00:56:16,250 The other day I was watching the documentary about Nina Simone. 567 00:56:16,792 --> 00:56:20,375 She suffered domestic violence, she was a very difficult mother... 568 00:56:24,417 --> 00:56:26,667 Then when she dies 569 00:56:27,750 --> 00:56:29,583 she triumphs as an idea. 570 00:56:29,708 --> 00:56:32,417 No matter what vicissitudes, 571 00:56:32,875 --> 00:56:35,875 what beatings she took, or what lousy mother she was, 572 00:56:36,000 --> 00:56:40,625 or what record deals she lost because she was fighting for rights in the USA... 573 00:56:42,058 --> 00:56:47,100 When you die, after having a life like she had, you triumph as an idea. 574 00:56:50,225 --> 00:56:52,933 It was the same thing with Maria Callas, 575 00:56:53,808 --> 00:56:56,017 Novalis, who died so young... 576 00:56:57,933 --> 00:56:59,600 the poet Hilda Hilst... 577 00:57:03,475 --> 00:57:06,017 Dead people comfort me. 578 00:57:07,600 --> 00:57:10,600 When I look at my life, although I have many friends, 579 00:57:10,767 --> 00:57:14,100 I think I spend a lot more time with these dead people... 580 00:57:16,350 --> 00:57:18,058 than the living. 581 00:57:19,142 --> 00:57:21,142 In the end, 582 00:57:23,225 --> 00:57:25,433 I think that what defines me 583 00:57:27,558 --> 00:57:29,350 is the fact that 584 00:57:30,392 --> 00:57:32,600 I'm really a necrophiliac. 585 01:01:20,608 --> 01:01:23,442 I seek this catharsis and I never find it. 586 01:01:27,233 --> 01:01:30,192 It is a transcendence necessity 587 01:01:32,192 --> 01:01:34,400 a desire for the divine. 588 01:01:38,942 --> 01:01:41,650 And my body is my faith. 589 01:01:42,983 --> 01:01:44,775 Only the church, 590 01:01:45,442 --> 01:01:46,900 the morals 591 01:01:48,650 --> 01:01:50,525 say that we are only the head, 592 01:01:51,525 --> 01:01:54,275 what's at the top, what's light. 593 01:02:06,775 --> 01:02:09,942 When in their complete nature the human being is a whole, 594 01:02:11,608 --> 01:02:13,525 top and bottom, 595 01:02:14,442 --> 01:02:16,150 near and far, 596 01:02:17,275 --> 01:02:19,692 open and closed, 597 01:02:20,567 --> 01:02:22,483 light and dark. 598 01:02:23,817 --> 01:02:25,817 Like peristalsis... 599 01:02:34,650 --> 01:02:37,733 The cock, which hardens and softens. 600 01:02:40,608 --> 01:02:45,067 Human beings are these paradoxes, 601 01:02:46,983 --> 01:02:49,483 and I only feel close to God 602 01:02:51,483 --> 01:02:55,817 when I accept these so-called “dirty” lower parts. 603 01:02:59,358 --> 01:03:01,567 When I accept that I am my foot. 604 01:03:03,042 --> 01:03:04,750 My foot is also me. 605 01:03:08,792 --> 01:03:11,542 I am my foot, 606 01:03:14,792 --> 01:03:17,167 I am my shoulder. 607 01:03:19,458 --> 01:03:21,458 I am my cock, 608 01:03:23,792 --> 01:03:26,375 I am my asshole. 609 01:03:29,250 --> 01:03:30,833 And God... 610 01:03:32,958 --> 01:03:34,667 ...is my asshole, 611 01:03:36,458 --> 01:03:39,125 God is this black hole 612 01:03:40,042 --> 01:03:45,458 where we all want to get lost. 613 01:03:50,875 --> 01:03:54,625 Come fill up my God, who is dead, 614 01:03:57,250 --> 01:04:00,625 come recreate the universe in my rectum. 615 01:04:03,017 --> 01:04:04,975 This film is too vanilla! 616 01:04:08,058 --> 01:04:10,267 We need catharsis… 617 01:04:18,183 --> 01:04:19,933 We need… 618 01:04:25,517 --> 01:04:26,517 …God. 50790

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