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Woman: My name
is Mary Alice young.
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00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,589
When you read
this morning's paper,
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00:00:19,590 --> 00:00:21,251
you may come across an article
4
00:00:21,252 --> 00:00:24,694
about the unusual day
I had last week.
5
00:00:24,695 --> 00:00:28,158
Normally, there's never anything
newsworthy about my life,
6
00:00:28,159 --> 00:00:31,501
but that all changed
last Thursday.
7
00:00:31,502 --> 00:00:35,065
Of course, everything seemed
quite normal at first.
8
00:00:35,066 --> 00:00:38,068
I made breakfast for my family.
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00:00:38,069 --> 00:00:42,812
I performed my chores.
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00:00:42,813 --> 00:00:46,546
I completed my projects.
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00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:49,249
I ran my errands.
12
00:00:49,250 --> 00:00:53,353
In truth, I spent the day
as I spent every other day...
13
00:00:53,354 --> 00:00:56,055
Quietly polishing
the routine of my life
14
00:00:56,056 --> 00:01:01,391
until it gleamed
with perfection.
15
00:01:01,392 --> 00:01:04,634
That's why it was so astonishing
16
00:01:04,635 --> 00:01:07,137
when I decided
to go to my hallway closet
17
00:01:07,138 --> 00:01:12,703
and retrieve a revolver
that had never been used.
18
00:01:15,146 --> 00:01:18,578
My body was discovered
by my neighbor
19
00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:22,182
Mrs. Martha Huber,
who had been startled
20
00:01:22,183 --> 00:01:24,354
by a strange popping sound.
21
00:01:24,355 --> 00:01:27,657
Her curiosity aroused,
Mrs. Huber tried to think
22
00:01:27,658 --> 00:01:32,792
of a reason for dropping in
on me unannounced.
23
00:01:32,793 --> 00:01:35,595
After some initial hesitation,
24
00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:37,227
she decided
to return the blender
25
00:01:37,228 --> 00:01:39,730
she had borrowed from me
six months before.
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00:01:41,732 --> 00:01:42,733
[ Doorbell rings ]
27
00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:47,808
[ Ring ]
28
00:01:58,149 --> 00:02:00,791
Aah!
29
00:02:02,853 --> 00:02:04,854
It's my neighbor.
I think she's been shot.
30
00:02:04,855 --> 00:02:06,556
There's blood everywhere.
31
00:02:06,557 --> 00:02:07,757
Yes.
32
00:02:07,758 --> 00:02:09,659
You've got to send an ambulance.
33
00:02:09,660 --> 00:02:12,263
You've got to send one
right now.
34
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:17,807
And for a moment,
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00:02:17,808 --> 00:02:20,710
Mrs. Huber stood motionless
in her kitchen,
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00:02:20,711 --> 00:02:23,643
grief-stricken
by this senseless tragedy...
37
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:26,276
But only for a moment.
38
00:02:26,277 --> 00:02:30,149
If there was one thing
Mrs. Huber was known for,
39
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:34,285
it was her ability
to look on the bright side.
40
00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:42,192
I was laid to rest on a Monday.
41
00:02:42,193 --> 00:02:43,293
After the funeral,
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00:02:43,294 --> 00:02:45,265
all the residents
of Wisteria Lane
43
00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:48,238
came to pay their respects.
44
00:02:48,239 --> 00:02:51,471
And, as people do
in these situations,
45
00:02:51,472 --> 00:02:52,702
they brought food.
46
00:02:52,703 --> 00:02:55,305
Lynette Scavo
brought fried chicken.
47
00:02:55,306 --> 00:02:58,848
Lynette had a great family
recipe for fried chicken.
48
00:02:58,849 --> 00:03:00,350
Of course, she didn't cook much
49
00:03:00,351 --> 00:03:02,352
while she was moving up
the corporate ladder.
50
00:03:02,353 --> 00:03:04,183
She didn't have the time.
51
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:06,216
But when her doctor announced
Lynette was pregnant,
52
00:03:06,217 --> 00:03:08,718
her husband Tom had an idea.
53
00:03:08,719 --> 00:03:10,620
"Why not quit your job?
54
00:03:10,621 --> 00:03:12,422
"Kids do better
with stay-at-home moms.
55
00:03:12,423 --> 00:03:15,295
It would be
so much less stressful."
56
00:03:15,296 --> 00:03:17,227
But this was not the case.
57
00:03:17,228 --> 00:03:20,230
In fact, Lynette's life
had become so hectic,
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00:03:20,231 --> 00:03:22,502
she was now forced
to get her fried chicken
59
00:03:22,503 --> 00:03:24,604
from a fast-food restaurant.
60
00:03:24,605 --> 00:03:26,406
Lynette would have
appreciated the irony
61
00:03:26,407 --> 00:03:28,378
if she stopped
to think about it,
62
00:03:28,379 --> 00:03:30,840
but she couldn't.
She didn't have the time.
63
00:03:30,841 --> 00:03:32,742
Stop it, stop it, stop it,
stop it, stop it!
64
00:03:32,743 --> 00:03:33,943
But, mom!
65
00:03:33,944 --> 00:03:35,585
No, you are going
to behave today.
66
00:03:35,586 --> 00:03:37,247
I am not going to be humiliated
67
00:03:37,248 --> 00:03:39,289
in front
of the entire neighborhood.
68
00:03:39,290 --> 00:03:41,891
And just so you know
how serious I am...
69
00:03:41,892 --> 00:03:43,793
What's that?
70
00:03:43,794 --> 00:03:45,595
Santa's cell phone number.
71
00:03:45,596 --> 00:03:47,257
How'd you get that?
72
00:03:47,258 --> 00:03:49,629
I know someone who knows someone
who knows an elf,
73
00:03:49,630 --> 00:03:51,261
and if any of you acts up,
74
00:03:51,262 --> 00:03:53,232
so help me, I will call Santa,
75
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:55,906
and I will tell him
you want socks for Christmas.
76
00:03:57,268 --> 00:03:58,738
You willing to risk that?
77
00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:00,710
Mnh-mnh.
78
00:04:00,711 --> 00:04:03,413
Okay.
79
00:04:03,414 --> 00:04:04,975
Let's get this over with.
80
00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:10,019
Gabrielle solis,
who lives down the block,
81
00:04:10,020 --> 00:04:13,353
brought a spicy paella.
82
00:04:13,354 --> 00:04:15,625
Since her modeling days
in New York,
83
00:04:15,626 --> 00:04:19,889
Gabrielle had developed
a taste for rich food...
84
00:04:19,890 --> 00:04:22,732
And rich men.
85
00:04:22,733 --> 00:04:25,365
Carlos, who worked
in mergers and acquisitions,
86
00:04:25,366 --> 00:04:27,467
proposed on their third date.
87
00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:30,770
Gabrielle was touched when tears
welled up in his eyes,
88
00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:32,372
but she soon discovered
89
00:04:32,373 --> 00:04:36,005
this happened every time
Carlos closed the big deal.
90
00:04:36,006 --> 00:04:38,578
Gabrielle liked her paella
piping hot.
91
00:04:38,579 --> 00:04:40,680
However, her relationship
with her husband
92
00:04:40,681 --> 00:04:43,413
was considerably cooler.
93
00:04:43,414 --> 00:04:45,555
If you talk
to al Mason at this thing,
94
00:04:45,556 --> 00:04:46,956
I want you to casually mention
95
00:04:46,957 --> 00:04:48,558
how much I paid
for your necklace.
96
00:04:48,559 --> 00:04:50,390
Why don't I just pin
the receipt to my chest?
97
00:04:50,391 --> 00:04:51,621
He let me know how much he paid
98
00:04:51,622 --> 00:04:52,962
for his wife's new convertible.
99
00:04:52,963 --> 00:04:54,464
Look, just work it
into the conversation.
100
00:04:54,465 --> 00:04:56,326
There's no way I can
just work that in, Carlos.
101
00:04:56,327 --> 00:04:57,827
Why not? At the donoghue party,
102
00:04:57,828 --> 00:04:59,729
everyone was
talking mutual funds,
103
00:04:59,730 --> 00:05:01,401
and you found a way to mention
104
00:05:01,402 --> 00:05:02,972
you slept with
half the yankee outfield.
105
00:05:02,973 --> 00:05:04,073
I'm telling you, it came up
106
00:05:04,074 --> 00:05:05,405
in the context
of the conversation.
107
00:05:05,406 --> 00:05:06,936
Hey, people are starting
to stare.
108
00:05:06,937 --> 00:05:08,478
Can you keep
your voice down, please?
109
00:05:08,479 --> 00:05:09,739
Absolutely.
110
00:05:09,740 --> 00:05:12,342
We wouldn't want them
to think we're not happy.
111
00:05:12,343 --> 00:05:14,414
Bree Van De Kamp,
who lives next door,
112
00:05:14,415 --> 00:05:17,747
brought baskets of muffins
she baked from scratch.
113
00:05:17,748 --> 00:05:19,789
Bree was known for her cooking,
114
00:05:19,790 --> 00:05:22,692
and for making her own clothes,
115
00:05:22,693 --> 00:05:25,625
and for doing her own gardening,
116
00:05:25,626 --> 00:05:29,659
and for reupholstering
her own furniture.
117
00:05:29,660 --> 00:05:31,531
Yes, Bree's many talents
118
00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:33,503
were known
throughout the neighborhood,
119
00:05:33,504 --> 00:05:35,435
and everyone on Wisteria Lane
thought of Bree
120
00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:37,937
as the perfect wife and mother.
121
00:05:37,938 --> 00:05:42,112
Everyone, that is,
except her own family.
122
00:05:43,514 --> 00:05:45,945
Paul.
123
00:05:45,946 --> 00:05:47,477
Zachary.
124
00:05:47,478 --> 00:05:48,848
Hello, Mrs. Van De Kamp.
125
00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:50,480
Bree, you shouldn't have
gone to all this trouble.
126
00:05:50,481 --> 00:05:51,851
It was no trouble at all.
127
00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:53,122
Now, the basket
with the red ribbon
128
00:05:53,123 --> 00:05:54,784
is filled with desserts
for your guests,
129
00:05:54,785 --> 00:05:56,526
but the one with the blue ribbon
130
00:05:56,527 --> 00:05:57,857
is just for you and Zachary.
131
00:05:57,858 --> 00:06:00,930
It's got rolls, muffins,
breakfast-type things.
132
00:06:00,931 --> 00:06:02,432
Thank you.
133
00:06:02,433 --> 00:06:04,133
Well, the least I could do
is make sure you boys had
134
00:06:04,134 --> 00:06:06,636
a decent meal to look forward to
in the morning.
135
00:06:06,637 --> 00:06:09,869
I know you're out of your minds
with grief.
136
00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:12,141
Yes, we are.
137
00:06:12,142 --> 00:06:13,503
Of course,
138
00:06:13,504 --> 00:06:16,145
I will need the baskets back
once you're done.
139
00:06:16,146 --> 00:06:18,849
Of course.
140
00:06:22,052 --> 00:06:24,784
Susan Mayer,
who lives across the street,
141
00:06:24,785 --> 00:06:27,116
brought macaroni and cheese.
142
00:06:27,117 --> 00:06:30,019
Her husband Carl always
teased her about her macaroni,
143
00:06:30,020 --> 00:06:32,422
saying it was the only thing
she knew how to cook,
144
00:06:32,423 --> 00:06:35,164
and she rarely made it well.
145
00:06:35,165 --> 00:06:36,426
It was too salty
146
00:06:36,427 --> 00:06:39,669
the night she and Carl
moved into their house.
147
00:06:39,670 --> 00:06:40,870
It was too watery
148
00:06:40,871 --> 00:06:43,933
the night she found lipstick
on Carl's shirt.
149
00:06:43,934 --> 00:06:46,476
She burned it
the night Carl told her
150
00:06:46,477 --> 00:06:48,939
he was leaving her
for his secretary.
151
00:06:56,747 --> 00:06:59,489
A year had passed
since the divorce.
152
00:06:59,490 --> 00:07:01,551
Susan had started to think
how nice it would be
153
00:07:01,552 --> 00:07:03,422
to have a man in her life,
154
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:05,424
even one who would
make fun of her cooking.
155
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:06,526
Mom...
156
00:07:06,527 --> 00:07:09,729
Why would someone
kill themselves?
157
00:07:09,730 --> 00:07:11,761
Well...
158
00:07:11,762 --> 00:07:13,432
Sometimes people are so unhappy,
159
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:16,466
they think that's the only way
they can solve their problems.
160
00:07:16,467 --> 00:07:18,107
But Mrs. young
always seemed happy.
161
00:07:18,108 --> 00:07:20,710
Yeah, sometimes people
pretend to be one way
162
00:07:20,711 --> 00:07:23,513
on the outside when they're
totally different on the inside.
163
00:07:23,514 --> 00:07:25,074
Oh, you mean
like how dad's girlfriend
164
00:07:25,075 --> 00:07:26,616
is always smiling
and says nice things,
165
00:07:26,617 --> 00:07:28,548
but deep down,
you just know she's a bitch?
166
00:07:28,549 --> 00:07:30,520
I don't like that word, Julie.
167
00:07:30,521 --> 00:07:32,683
But, yeah,
that's a great example.
168
00:07:43,594 --> 00:07:45,035
Julie: hey, what's going on?
169
00:07:47,638 --> 00:07:49,569
Sorry I'm late.
170
00:07:49,570 --> 00:07:51,240
Hi, Susan.
171
00:07:51,241 --> 00:07:52,242
Hey.
172
00:08:12,062 --> 00:08:15,024
So, what did Carl say
when you confronted him?
173
00:08:15,025 --> 00:08:17,597
You'll love this. He said...
174
00:08:17,598 --> 00:08:20,029
"It doesn't mean anything.
It was just sex."
175
00:08:20,030 --> 00:08:22,802
Ah, yes, page one
of the philanderer's handbook.
176
00:08:22,803 --> 00:08:24,804
Yeah, and then he got
this zen look on his face,
177
00:08:24,805 --> 00:08:26,606
and he said, "you know, Susan",
178
00:08:26,607 --> 00:08:29,639
most men live lives
of quiet desperation."
179
00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:31,010
Please tell me you punched him.
180
00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:32,281
No, I said, "really?"
181
00:08:32,282 --> 00:08:34,243
And what do most women lead,
lives of noisy fulfillment?"
182
00:08:34,244 --> 00:08:35,815
Hmm. good for you.
183
00:08:35,816 --> 00:08:36,986
I mean, of all people,
184
00:08:36,987 --> 00:08:38,618
did he have to
bang his secretary?
185
00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:40,249
I had that woman over
for brunch.
186
00:08:40,250 --> 00:08:41,791
It's like my grandmother
always said...
187
00:08:41,792 --> 00:08:43,553
An erect penis
doesn't have a conscience.
188
00:08:43,554 --> 00:08:45,695
Even the limp ones
aren't that ethical.
189
00:08:45,696 --> 00:08:47,897
This is half the reason
i joined the nra.
190
00:08:47,898 --> 00:08:49,559
Well, when Rex started going
to those medical conferences,
191
00:08:49,560 --> 00:08:51,160
I wanted it
in the back of his mind
192
00:08:51,161 --> 00:08:52,832
that he had
a loving wife at home
193
00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:54,564
with a loaded Smith & Wesson.
194
00:08:54,565 --> 00:08:57,567
Lynnie, Tom's always
away on business.
195
00:08:57,568 --> 00:08:58,908
Do you ever worry he might?
196
00:08:58,909 --> 00:09:00,640
Oh, please,
the man's gotten me pregnant
197
00:09:00,641 --> 00:09:02,672
three times in four years.
198
00:09:02,673 --> 00:09:05,314
I wish he was having sex
with someone else.
199
00:09:05,315 --> 00:09:08,117
Ha ha ha.
200
00:09:08,118 --> 00:09:10,881
So, Susan, is he going
to stop seeing that woman?
201
00:09:13,824 --> 00:09:15,325
I don't know.
202
00:09:19,329 --> 00:09:23,693
I'm sorry, you guys. I just...
203
00:09:23,694 --> 00:09:26,696
I just don't know how
I'm going to survive this.
204
00:09:26,697 --> 00:09:29,669
Listen to me.
205
00:09:29,670 --> 00:09:32,673
We all have moments
of desperation.
206
00:09:33,874 --> 00:09:35,344
But if we can face them head-on,
207
00:09:35,345 --> 00:09:38,649
that's when we find out
just how strong we really are.
208
00:09:44,655 --> 00:09:46,656
Susan.
209
00:09:46,657 --> 00:09:47,717
Susan.
210
00:09:47,718 --> 00:09:49,058
I was just saying
211
00:09:49,059 --> 00:09:50,660
Paul wants us
to go over on Friday.
212
00:09:50,661 --> 00:09:52,361
He needs us to go through
Mary Alice's closet
213
00:09:52,362 --> 00:09:53,793
and help pack up her things.
214
00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:55,294
He said he can't face
doing it by himself.
215
00:09:55,295 --> 00:09:56,966
Sure. that's fine.
216
00:09:56,967 --> 00:09:59,228
Are you okay?
217
00:09:59,229 --> 00:10:01,070
Yeah.
218
00:10:01,071 --> 00:10:02,972
I'm just so angry.
219
00:10:02,973 --> 00:10:04,704
If Mary Alice
was having problems,
220
00:10:04,705 --> 00:10:05,975
she should have come to us.
221
00:10:05,976 --> 00:10:07,707
She should have let us help her.
222
00:10:07,708 --> 00:10:09,178
What kind of problems
could she have had?
223
00:10:09,179 --> 00:10:10,680
She was healthy,
224
00:10:10,681 --> 00:10:11,981
had a great home, a nice family.
225
00:10:11,982 --> 00:10:13,142
Her life was...
226
00:10:13,143 --> 00:10:15,285
Our life.
227
00:10:16,717 --> 00:10:18,988
No, if Mary Alice was having
some sort of crisis,
228
00:10:18,989 --> 00:10:20,690
we'd have known.
229
00:10:20,691 --> 00:10:22,792
She lives 50 feet away,
for god's sakes.
230
00:10:22,793 --> 00:10:24,954
Gabby, the woman killed herself.
231
00:10:24,955 --> 00:10:26,827
Something must have
been going on.
232
00:10:39,770 --> 00:10:41,640
I wouldn't eat that
if I were you.
233
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:42,712
Why?
234
00:10:42,713 --> 00:10:44,344
I made it. Trust me.
235
00:10:46,747 --> 00:10:49,779
Hey, hey, do you...
Do you have a death wish?
236
00:10:49,780 --> 00:10:50,880
No, I just refuse to believe
237
00:10:50,881 --> 00:10:52,783
that anybody can
screw up macaroni and cheese.
238
00:10:54,224 --> 00:10:56,886
Oh, my god.
239
00:10:56,887 --> 00:10:58,728
How did you...
240
00:10:58,729 --> 00:11:01,991
It tastes like it's burned
andundercooked.
241
00:11:01,992 --> 00:11:03,833
Yeah, I get that a lot.
Here you go.
242
00:11:03,834 --> 00:11:05,334
Ha ha.
243
00:11:05,335 --> 00:11:07,196
Um...
244
00:11:07,197 --> 00:11:08,667
Ha ha. Thanks.
245
00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,139
I'm Mike Delfino.
246
00:11:10,140 --> 00:11:12,371
I just started renting
the Simms house next door.
247
00:11:12,372 --> 00:11:15,174
Susan Mayer.
I live across the street.
248
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:17,046
Oh, yeah, Mrs. Huber
told me about you.
249
00:11:17,047 --> 00:11:19,048
Said you illustrate
children's books.
250
00:11:19,049 --> 00:11:21,680
Yeah, I'm very big
with the under-5 set.
251
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:22,681
Ha ha ha.
252
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:24,013
What do you do? Plumber.
253
00:11:24,014 --> 00:11:27,257
So if you ever have a clog...
254
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:30,189
Or something.
255
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:33,292
Ha ha.
256
00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:36,395
Now that everybody's seen
that I brought something,
257
00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:39,028
I should probably
just throw this out.
258
00:11:39,029 --> 00:11:40,771
Ha ha.
259
00:11:50,380 --> 00:11:51,380
Ow.
260
00:11:51,381 --> 00:11:53,383
Ease up, you little vampire.
261
00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:59,989
Lynette, I've been looking
all over for you.
262
00:11:59,990 --> 00:12:02,792
Are you aware
of what your sons are doing?
263
00:12:02,793 --> 00:12:04,755
Boy: cannonball!
264
00:12:07,828 --> 00:12:11,802
[ Boys yelling ]
265
00:12:15,766 --> 00:12:16,966
What are you doing?
266
00:12:16,967 --> 00:12:18,808
We are at a wake.
267
00:12:18,809 --> 00:12:20,840
When we got here, you said
we could go in the pool.
268
00:12:20,841 --> 00:12:23,312
I said you could gobythe pool.
269
00:12:23,313 --> 00:12:25,875
Do you have your swimsuits on?
270
00:12:25,876 --> 00:12:27,346
Yeah, we put them
under our clothes
271
00:12:27,347 --> 00:12:28,747
before we left.
272
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,780
You three planned this?
All right.
273
00:12:30,781 --> 00:12:32,151
That's it. Get out!
274
00:12:32,152 --> 00:12:34,453
No! no?
275
00:12:34,454 --> 00:12:36,856
I am your mother.
276
00:12:36,857 --> 00:12:38,457
You have to do what I say.
Come on.
277
00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:40,931
We want to swim,
and you can't stop us!
278
00:12:49,499 --> 00:12:52,472
Here, father.
279
00:12:54,474 --> 00:12:56,806
Get out,
or I will get in this pool
280
00:12:56,807 --> 00:12:58,007
and just grab you. Get out!
281
00:12:58,008 --> 00:12:59,249
Get over here.
282
00:13:01,912 --> 00:13:03,153
Get... get over here!
283
00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:07,917
All right, give me your arm.
Get back...
284
00:13:07,918 --> 00:13:11,520
You... ooh!
285
00:13:11,521 --> 00:13:13,092
Move it!
286
00:13:13,093 --> 00:13:15,424
That's right! Get over here!
287
00:13:15,425 --> 00:13:17,266
Go, go, go, go, go!
288
00:13:17,267 --> 00:13:19,068
Move it!
289
00:13:19,069 --> 00:13:20,230
Ugh.
290
00:13:25,405 --> 00:13:27,237
Out! get out!
291
00:13:34,985 --> 00:13:37,046
Paul, we have to leave now.
292
00:13:37,047 --> 00:13:39,589
Once again,
i am so sorry for your loss.
293
00:13:40,891 --> 00:13:42,922
Go.
294
00:13:42,923 --> 00:13:44,954
Mary Alice: Lynette shouldn't
have been so concerned.
295
00:13:44,955 --> 00:13:46,295
About my husband.
296
00:13:46,296 --> 00:13:49,258
He had other things
on his mind...
297
00:13:49,259 --> 00:13:51,962
Things below the surface.
298
00:14:04,174 --> 00:14:05,975
Mary Alice: The morning
after my funeral,
299
00:14:05,976 --> 00:14:08,377
my friends and neighbors
quietly went back
300
00:14:08,378 --> 00:14:10,880
to their busy, busy lives.
301
00:14:10,881 --> 00:14:16,125
While some did their cooking...
302
00:14:16,126 --> 00:14:19,989
And some did their cleaning...
303
00:14:19,990 --> 00:14:22,932
And some did their yoga...
304
00:14:22,933 --> 00:14:26,065
Others did their homework.
305
00:14:26,066 --> 00:14:27,366
Hi. shh.
306
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,538
[ Barks ] I'm Julie.
307
00:14:29,539 --> 00:14:31,901
I kicked my soccer ball
into your backyard.
308
00:14:31,902 --> 00:14:34,873
Oh, okay. Well, let's
go around and get it.
309
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:35,945
Stay.
310
00:14:35,946 --> 00:14:37,406
[ Dog barks ]
311
00:14:37,407 --> 00:14:39,909
His wife died a year ago.
He wanted to stay in L.A.,
312
00:14:39,910 --> 00:14:41,580
but there were
too many memories.
313
00:14:41,581 --> 00:14:42,952
He's renting for tax purposes,
314
00:14:42,953 --> 00:14:44,954
but he hopes
to buy a place real soon.
315
00:14:44,955 --> 00:14:46,015
I can't believe
you went over there.
316
00:14:46,016 --> 00:14:47,586
Hey, I saw you both
flirting at the wake.
317
00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:49,418
You're obviously
into each other.
318
00:14:49,419 --> 00:14:51,460
Now that you know he's single,
you can ask him out.
319
00:14:51,461 --> 00:14:53,662
Julie, I like Mr. Delfino, I do.
320
00:14:53,663 --> 00:14:54,893
I just, uh,
321
00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:57,126
I don't even know if I'm ready
to start dating yet.
322
00:14:57,127 --> 00:14:59,028
Oh, you need
to get back out there.
323
00:14:59,029 --> 00:15:01,401
Come on. How long has it been
since you've had sex?
324
00:15:04,034 --> 00:15:05,534
Are you mad
that I asked you that?
325
00:15:05,535 --> 00:15:07,376
No, I'm just trying to remember.
326
00:15:07,377 --> 00:15:09,308
I don't want to talk to you
about my love life anymore.
327
00:15:09,309 --> 00:15:10,909
It weirds me out.
328
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:13,112
I wouldn't have
said anything. It's just...
329
00:15:13,113 --> 00:15:14,483
What?
330
00:15:14,484 --> 00:15:16,345
I heard dad's girlfriend ask
331
00:15:16,346 --> 00:15:18,948
if you'd dated anyone
since the divorce,
332
00:15:18,949 --> 00:15:21,491
and dad said he doubted it.
333
00:15:23,123 --> 00:15:24,995
And then they both laughed.
334
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:35,334
[ Doorbell rings ]
335
00:15:35,335 --> 00:15:37,437
[ Dog barks ]
336
00:15:40,510 --> 00:15:41,570
Hey.
337
00:15:41,571 --> 00:15:43,412
Susan. hi, Mike.
338
00:15:43,413 --> 00:15:45,144
I brought you
a little housewarming gift.
339
00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:49,018
I probably should have brought
something by earlier, but...
340
00:15:49,019 --> 00:15:51,050
Actually, you're the first
in the neighborhood to stop by.
341
00:15:51,051 --> 00:15:52,121
Really?
342
00:15:52,122 --> 00:15:54,023
Susan knew she was lucky.
343
00:15:54,024 --> 00:15:57,086
An eligible bachelor
had moved onto Wisteria Lane,
344
00:15:57,087 --> 00:15:59,188
and she was the first
to find out,
345
00:15:59,189 --> 00:16:01,460
but she also knew
that good news...
346
00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:02,432
Hello there!
347
00:16:02,433 --> 00:16:04,193
Travels quickly.
348
00:16:04,194 --> 00:16:06,435
Edie britt was
the most predatory divorcée.
349
00:16:06,436 --> 00:16:08,297
In a 5-block radius.
350
00:16:08,298 --> 00:16:10,570
Her conquests were numerous...
351
00:16:13,103 --> 00:16:15,575
Varied...
352
00:16:17,307 --> 00:16:19,549
And legendary.
353
00:16:21,511 --> 00:16:25,084
Hi, Susan.
I hope I'm not interrupting.
354
00:16:25,085 --> 00:16:27,486
You must be Mike Delfino.
355
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:28,757
Hi, I'm Edie.
356
00:16:28,758 --> 00:16:30,319
Britt.
357
00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:32,321
I live over there.
358
00:16:32,322 --> 00:16:34,763
Welcome to Wisteria Lane.
359
00:16:34,764 --> 00:16:39,098
Susan had met the enemy,
and she was a slut.
360
00:16:39,099 --> 00:16:41,200
Thank you. Ha ha. What's this?
361
00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:43,032
Sausage putanesca.
362
00:16:43,033 --> 00:16:45,274
It's just something
i threw together.
363
00:16:45,275 --> 00:16:47,176
Well, thanks, Edie. Ha ha.
364
00:16:47,177 --> 00:16:50,179
That's great.
365
00:16:50,180 --> 00:16:52,081
I'd invite you both in,
366
00:16:52,082 --> 00:16:53,182
but I was sort of
in the middle of something.
367
00:16:53,183 --> 00:16:54,443
Oh, I... no problem.
368
00:16:54,444 --> 00:16:56,014
I'm late for an appointment.
I just wanted to say hi.
369
00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:57,146
And just like that,
370
00:16:57,147 --> 00:17:00,018
the race for Mike Delfino
had begun.
371
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:01,650
For a moment, Susan wondered
372
00:17:01,651 --> 00:17:04,593
if her rivalry with Edie
would remain friendly.
373
00:17:04,594 --> 00:17:07,526
Oh, Mike.
I heard you're a plumber?
374
00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:10,599
But she was reminded
that when it came to men...
375
00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:13,102
Do you think you could
stop by later tonight
376
00:17:13,103 --> 00:17:15,364
and take a look at my pipes?
377
00:17:15,365 --> 00:17:17,466
Women don't fight fair. Sure.
378
00:17:17,467 --> 00:17:19,469
Thanks.
379
00:17:25,115 --> 00:17:26,116
Bye, Susan.
380
00:17:27,647 --> 00:17:29,618
You can't order me around
like I'm a child.
381
00:17:29,619 --> 00:17:31,049
Gabrielle.
382
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,321
No. no, no, no. I'm not going.
383
00:17:32,322 --> 00:17:33,622
It's business.
384
00:17:33,623 --> 00:17:35,084
Tanaka expects everyone
to bring their wives.
385
00:17:35,085 --> 00:17:37,826
Every time I'm around that man,
he tries to grab my ass.
386
00:17:37,827 --> 00:17:40,058
Ha ha. I made over $200,000
387
00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:41,760
doing business with him
last year.
388
00:17:41,761 --> 00:17:43,733
If he wants to grab your ass,
you let him.
389
00:17:53,143 --> 00:17:54,403
John. ow.
390
00:17:54,404 --> 00:17:57,106
Mr. solis. You scared me.
391
00:17:57,107 --> 00:17:59,108
Why is that bush still there?
392
00:17:59,109 --> 00:18:01,710
You were supposed to dig it up last week.
I didn't have time last week.
393
00:18:01,711 --> 00:18:03,252
I don't want to hear
your excuses.
394
00:18:03,253 --> 00:18:06,456
Just take care of it.
395
00:18:07,657 --> 00:18:10,659
I really hate
the way you talk to me.
396
00:18:10,660 --> 00:18:12,161
And I really hate
397
00:18:12,162 --> 00:18:14,193
that I spend $15,000
on your diamond necklace
398
00:18:14,194 --> 00:18:15,694
that you couldn't live without,
399
00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:17,196
but I'm learning
to deal with it.
400
00:18:17,197 --> 00:18:19,097
So can I tell Tanaka
401
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:21,270
we'll be there tomorrow night?
402
00:18:21,271 --> 00:18:22,771
John.
403
00:18:22,772 --> 00:18:25,134
We have bandages
top shelf in the kitchen.
404
00:18:25,135 --> 00:18:26,306
Thanks, Mrs. solis.
405
00:18:30,580 --> 00:18:32,481
Fine. I'll go.
406
00:18:32,482 --> 00:18:34,683
But I'm keeping my back
pressed against the wall
407
00:18:34,684 --> 00:18:36,545
the entire time.
408
00:18:36,546 --> 00:18:37,886
See?
409
00:18:37,887 --> 00:18:40,219
Now this is what a marriage
is all about...
410
00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:41,391
Compromise.
411
00:18:47,457 --> 00:18:49,127
Is your finger okay?
412
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:51,330
Yeah, yeah,
it's just a small cut.
413
00:18:51,331 --> 00:18:52,731
Let me see.
414
00:18:52,732 --> 00:18:55,835
Hmm.
415
00:19:09,179 --> 00:19:10,849
You know, Mrs. solis,
416
00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:15,624
um, I really like it
when we hook up,
417
00:19:15,625 --> 00:19:17,326
but, um,
418
00:19:17,327 --> 00:19:18,887
well, you know, i-i got
to get my work done,
419
00:19:18,888 --> 00:19:22,491
and I can't afford
to lose this job.
420
00:19:22,492 --> 00:19:26,465
This table is hand-carved.
421
00:19:26,466 --> 00:19:27,866
Carlos had it
imported from Italy.
422
00:19:27,867 --> 00:19:32,301
It cost him $23,000.
423
00:19:32,302 --> 00:19:35,504
You want to do it
on the table this time?
424
00:19:35,505 --> 00:19:38,608
Absolutely.
425
00:19:52,822 --> 00:19:55,364
Why can't we ever
have normal soup?
426
00:19:55,365 --> 00:19:57,226
Danielle, there is
nothing abnormal
427
00:19:57,227 --> 00:19:58,297
about basil puree.
428
00:19:58,298 --> 00:19:59,728
Just once,
429
00:19:59,729 --> 00:20:02,271
couldn't we have a soup
that people have heard of?
430
00:20:02,272 --> 00:20:04,273
Like French onion or Navy bean.
431
00:20:04,274 --> 00:20:07,306
First of all,
your father can't eat onions.
432
00:20:07,307 --> 00:20:08,677
He's deathly allergic.
433
00:20:08,678 --> 00:20:10,239
And I won't even dignify
your Navy bean suggestion.
434
00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:12,341
So...
435
00:20:12,342 --> 00:20:14,383
How's the osso buco?
436
00:20:14,384 --> 00:20:16,385
It's okay.
437
00:20:16,386 --> 00:20:17,586
It's okay?
438
00:20:17,587 --> 00:20:19,888
Andrew, I spent three hours
cooking this meal.
439
00:20:19,889 --> 00:20:22,521
How do you think
it makes me feel
440
00:20:22,522 --> 00:20:25,223
when you say "it's okay"
in that sullen tone?
441
00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:27,357
Who asked you to spend
three hours on dinner?
442
00:20:29,399 --> 00:20:31,861
Excuse me?
443
00:20:33,363 --> 00:20:35,404
Tim Harper's mom
gets home from work,
444
00:20:35,405 --> 00:20:37,336
pops open
a can of pork and beans,
445
00:20:37,337 --> 00:20:39,268
and boom, they're eating.
Everyone's happy.
446
00:20:39,269 --> 00:20:41,410
You'd rather I serve
pork and beans?
447
00:20:41,411 --> 00:20:43,312
Apologize now. I am begging.
448
00:20:43,313 --> 00:20:45,414
I'm saying, do you always
have to serve cuisine?
449
00:20:45,415 --> 00:20:46,715
Can't we ever just have food?
450
00:20:46,716 --> 00:20:47,916
Are you doing drugs? What?
451
00:20:47,917 --> 00:20:49,718
Change in behavior
is one of the warning signs,
452
00:20:49,719 --> 00:20:51,850
and you have been
as fresh as paint
453
00:20:51,851 --> 00:20:53,852
for the last six months.
454
00:20:53,853 --> 00:20:55,253
That certainly would explain
455
00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:56,825
why you're always
locked in the bathroom.
456
00:20:56,826 --> 00:20:58,457
Trust me, that is not
what he is doing.
457
00:20:58,458 --> 00:21:00,459
Shut up.
458
00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:02,260
Mom, I'm not the one with
the problem here, all right?
459
00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:03,632
You're the one always acting
460
00:21:03,633 --> 00:21:05,634
like she's running
for mayor of Stepford.
461
00:21:05,635 --> 00:21:07,396
Rex.
462
00:21:07,397 --> 00:21:08,837
Seeing that you're
the head of this household,
463
00:21:08,838 --> 00:21:11,741
I would really appreciate you
saying something.
464
00:21:13,873 --> 00:21:15,745
Pass the salt?
465
00:21:31,861 --> 00:21:33,692
Mary Alice: Three days
after my funeral,
466
00:21:33,693 --> 00:21:37,426
Lynette replaced her grief with
a much more useful emotion...
467
00:21:37,427 --> 00:21:39,027
Indignation.
468
00:21:39,028 --> 00:21:40,899
Tom, this is my fifth message,
469
00:21:40,900 --> 00:21:42,901
and you still haven't
called me back.
470
00:21:42,902 --> 00:21:45,434
Well, you must be having a lot
of fun on your business trip.
471
00:21:45,435 --> 00:21:46,975
I can only imagine.
472
00:21:46,976 --> 00:21:48,477
Well, guess what...
473
00:21:48,478 --> 00:21:50,739
The kids and I want to have
some fun, too,
474
00:21:50,740 --> 00:21:52,381
so unless you call me back
by noon,
475
00:21:52,382 --> 00:21:53,942
we are getting on a plane
and joining you.
476
00:21:53,943 --> 00:21:55,514
Mom!
477
00:21:55,515 --> 00:21:57,746
Not now, honey.
Mommy's threatening daddy.
478
00:21:57,747 --> 00:21:59,618
Mom. no, I...
479
00:21:59,619 --> 00:22:01,820
Where are your brothers?
480
00:22:01,821 --> 00:22:03,893
Noodles... my favorite.
481
00:22:08,458 --> 00:22:11,930
Lynette Scavo?
482
00:22:11,931 --> 00:22:13,101
Crap.
483
00:22:13,102 --> 00:22:16,805
Natalie klein.
I don't believe it.
484
00:22:16,806 --> 00:22:18,607
Lynette. how long has it been?
485
00:22:18,608 --> 00:22:20,338
Years.
486
00:22:20,339 --> 00:22:22,971
Uh, how are you? How's the firm?
487
00:22:22,972 --> 00:22:23,972
Good.
488
00:22:23,973 --> 00:22:25,374
Everyone misses you.
489
00:22:25,375 --> 00:22:27,115
Yeah.
490
00:22:27,116 --> 00:22:28,346
We all say if you hadn't quit,
491
00:22:28,347 --> 00:22:29,718
you'd be running the place
by now.
492
00:22:29,719 --> 00:22:32,421
Yeah, well...
493
00:22:32,422 --> 00:22:33,722
So...
494
00:22:33,723 --> 00:22:36,625
How's domestic life?
495
00:22:36,626 --> 00:22:39,388
Don't you just love being a mom?
496
00:22:39,389 --> 00:22:40,959
And there it was...
497
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:43,392
The question
that Lynette always dreaded.
498
00:22:43,393 --> 00:22:45,394
Well, to be honest...
499
00:22:45,395 --> 00:22:49,898
For those who asked it,
only one answer was acceptable,
500
00:22:49,899 --> 00:22:51,570
so Lynette responded
as she always did.
501
00:22:51,571 --> 00:22:53,041
She lied.
502
00:22:53,042 --> 00:22:56,505
It's the best job I've ever had.
503
00:22:56,506 --> 00:22:58,046
[ People gasping ]
504
00:22:58,047 --> 00:22:59,979
Boy: oh, yeah.
505
00:23:02,612 --> 00:23:07,385
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
506
00:23:07,386 --> 00:23:08,887
You know what I don't get?
507
00:23:08,888 --> 00:23:09,918
What?
508
00:23:09,919 --> 00:23:12,061
Why you married Mr. solis.
509
00:23:15,495 --> 00:23:17,496
Well...
510
00:23:17,497 --> 00:23:21,069
He promised to give me
everything I've ever wanted.
511
00:23:21,070 --> 00:23:23,031
And did he?
512
00:23:23,032 --> 00:23:25,504
Yes.
513
00:23:25,505 --> 00:23:28,437
Then why aren't you happy?
514
00:23:28,438 --> 00:23:33,512
Turns out I wanted
all the wrong things.
515
00:23:33,513 --> 00:23:37,586
So do you love him?
516
00:23:37,587 --> 00:23:38,987
I do.
517
00:23:38,988 --> 00:23:41,490
Well, then, why are we here?
518
00:23:41,491 --> 00:23:42,821
Why are we doing this?
519
00:23:42,822 --> 00:23:45,093
Because I don't want
to wake up one morning
520
00:23:45,094 --> 00:23:47,497
with a sudden urge
to blow my brains out.
521
00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:53,502
Hey, can I have a drag?
522
00:23:53,503 --> 00:23:55,604
Absolutely not.
523
00:23:55,605 --> 00:23:58,007
You are much too young to smoke.
524
00:23:59,869 --> 00:24:02,471
Ah. how would you feel
about me using
525
00:24:02,472 --> 00:24:04,613
your child-support payments
for plastic surgery?
526
00:24:04,614 --> 00:24:05,914
Stop being so nervous.
527
00:24:05,915 --> 00:24:08,176
You're just asking him out
to dinner. It's no big deal.
528
00:24:08,177 --> 00:24:10,619
You're right.
529
00:24:10,620 --> 00:24:12,851
So is that
your project for school?
530
00:24:12,852 --> 00:24:14,923
You know,
when I was in fifth grade,
531
00:24:14,924 --> 00:24:16,184
I made the white house
out of sugar cubes.
532
00:24:16,185 --> 00:24:17,756
Stop stalling and go
533
00:24:17,757 --> 00:24:19,858
before Mike figures out
he can do better.
534
00:24:19,859 --> 00:24:23,762
Tell me again why I fought
for custody of you.
535
00:24:23,763 --> 00:24:25,894
You were using me to hurt dad.
536
00:24:25,895 --> 00:24:28,598
Oh, that's right.
537
00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:32,201
Oh, god.
538
00:24:39,749 --> 00:24:41,049
Hi.
539
00:24:41,050 --> 00:24:42,611
Hey, Susan.
540
00:24:42,612 --> 00:24:44,653
Are you busy?
541
00:24:44,654 --> 00:24:45,914
No, not at all. What's up?
542
00:24:45,915 --> 00:24:47,656
Well, I...
543
00:24:47,657 --> 00:24:50,088
I just, uh,
was wondering if, um...
544
00:24:50,089 --> 00:24:54,092
If there was any chance
that you, uh...
545
00:24:54,093 --> 00:24:58,997
I-i just wanted to ask if...
546
00:24:58,998 --> 00:25:01,630
Edie.
547
00:25:01,631 --> 00:25:02,801
Hey there, Susan.
548
00:25:02,802 --> 00:25:04,202
What are you...
549
00:25:04,203 --> 00:25:05,934
I was making ambrosia,
and I made too much,
550
00:25:05,935 --> 00:25:08,107
so I thought
I'd bring some over to Mike.
551
00:25:09,508 --> 00:25:10,709
What's going on?
552
00:25:10,710 --> 00:25:12,470
Uh, Susan was just
going to ask me something.
553
00:25:18,588 --> 00:25:20,218
I have a clog.
554
00:25:20,219 --> 00:25:22,150
Excuse me?
555
00:25:22,151 --> 00:25:23,592
And you're a plumber, right?
556
00:25:23,593 --> 00:25:24,593
Yeah.
557
00:25:24,594 --> 00:25:26,154
The clog's in the pipe.
558
00:25:26,155 --> 00:25:28,156
Yeah, that's usually
where they are.
559
00:25:28,157 --> 00:25:30,098
Well, I've got one.
560
00:25:30,099 --> 00:25:32,060
Oh, okay. Well, uh,
let me get my tools.
561
00:25:32,061 --> 00:25:34,032
Now? you want to come over now?
562
00:25:34,033 --> 00:25:35,834
You have company.
563
00:25:35,835 --> 00:25:37,265
I don't mind.
564
00:25:37,266 --> 00:25:39,668
Yeah, just give me two minutes.
565
00:25:39,669 --> 00:25:40,770
I'll be right over.
566
00:25:50,049 --> 00:25:52,781
That's it. Just stuff
the hair down there.
567
00:25:52,782 --> 00:25:54,583
I stuffed it.
It's not enough to clog it.
568
00:25:54,584 --> 00:25:56,725
Here. okay, look.
569
00:25:56,726 --> 00:25:58,187
Put in this peanut butter.
570
00:26:00,289 --> 00:26:02,260
And this cooking oil.
571
00:26:02,261 --> 00:26:04,963
Mom... and these olives.
572
00:26:04,964 --> 00:26:06,835
Mom, I'm telling you,
it's not working.
573
00:26:06,836 --> 00:26:07,836
[ Doorbell rings ]
574
00:26:07,837 --> 00:26:09,297
Oh, god.
575
00:26:09,298 --> 00:26:10,599
That's him.
576
00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:13,302
How am I going
to stop up the sink?
577
00:26:20,610 --> 00:26:23,752
Well, here's your problem.
578
00:26:23,753 --> 00:26:25,013
Looks like somebody stuffed
579
00:26:25,014 --> 00:26:26,955
a bunch of popsicle sticks
down here.
580
00:26:26,956 --> 00:26:30,218
I've told Julie a million times
not to play in the kitchen.
581
00:26:30,219 --> 00:26:32,320
Kids, you know?
582
00:26:32,321 --> 00:26:34,293
Ha ha.
583
00:26:37,066 --> 00:26:39,097
All right,
I'll go put in your orders,
584
00:26:39,098 --> 00:26:40,769
and I'll be right back
with your drinks
585
00:26:40,770 --> 00:26:42,000
and your plates
for the salad bar.
586
00:26:42,001 --> 00:26:43,331
Thank you.
587
00:26:43,332 --> 00:26:47,075
Andrew, Danielle, napkins?
588
00:26:47,076 --> 00:26:50,608
They have video games.
589
00:26:50,609 --> 00:26:53,011
Could we go play
until our food gets here?
590
00:26:53,012 --> 00:26:54,813
Andrew, this is family time.
591
00:26:54,814 --> 00:26:57,286
I think that we should all
go ahead and play.
592
00:27:06,125 --> 00:27:08,126
I know that you think
I'm angry about coming here,
593
00:27:08,127 --> 00:27:09,658
but I'm not.
594
00:27:09,659 --> 00:27:11,329
You and the kids
wanted a change of pace,
595
00:27:11,330 --> 00:27:12,901
something fun.
596
00:27:12,902 --> 00:27:14,632
I get it.
597
00:27:14,633 --> 00:27:16,665
Probably we'll want
something healthier
598
00:27:16,666 --> 00:27:18,036
tomorrow night, though.
599
00:27:18,037 --> 00:27:19,968
I'm thinking about
chicken saltimbocca.
600
00:27:19,969 --> 00:27:23,411
I want a divorce.
601
00:27:23,412 --> 00:27:28,016
I just can't live in this...
602
00:27:28,017 --> 00:27:30,348
This detergent commercial
anymore.
603
00:27:30,349 --> 00:27:32,921
The salad bar's
right over there.
604
00:27:32,922 --> 00:27:34,723
Help yourself.
605
00:27:34,724 --> 00:27:36,855
Thank you.
606
00:27:36,856 --> 00:27:42,231
Um, I think I'll go
get your salad for you.
607
00:27:53,843 --> 00:27:56,104
Bree Van De Kamp.
608
00:27:56,105 --> 00:27:57,145
Oh.
609
00:27:57,146 --> 00:27:58,847
Hello, Mrs. Huber.
610
00:27:58,848 --> 00:28:01,850
We didn't get a chance to talk
at Mary Alice's wake.
611
00:28:01,851 --> 00:28:03,882
How are you doing?
612
00:28:03,883 --> 00:28:06,454
Bree longed to share the truth
613
00:28:06,455 --> 00:28:09,718
about her husband's
painful betrayal,
614
00:28:09,719 --> 00:28:11,089
but sadly for Bree,
615
00:28:11,090 --> 00:28:13,261
admitting defeat
was not an option.
616
00:28:13,262 --> 00:28:14,923
Great.
617
00:28:14,924 --> 00:28:17,726
Everything is just great.
618
00:28:17,727 --> 00:28:19,968
Okay, well, I got you
the honey mustard dressing.
619
00:28:19,969 --> 00:28:22,701
The ranch looked
just a little bit suspect.
620
00:28:31,741 --> 00:28:34,442
Are we going to talk
about what I said?
621
00:28:34,443 --> 00:28:35,884
If you think I'm going
to discuss
622
00:28:35,885 --> 00:28:37,786
the dissolution of my marriage
in a place
623
00:28:37,787 --> 00:28:39,848
where the restrooms are
labeled "chicks" and "dudes,"
624
00:28:39,849 --> 00:28:41,390
you're out of your mind.
625
00:28:43,753 --> 00:28:45,493
What's in this?
626
00:28:45,494 --> 00:28:47,756
What do you mean,
what's in this? It's salad.
627
00:28:47,757 --> 00:28:49,828
[ Coughs ] with... with onions?
628
00:28:49,829 --> 00:28:50,999
What?
629
00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:52,801
You put onions in my salad.
630
00:28:52,802 --> 00:28:54,132
No, I didn't.
631
00:28:54,133 --> 00:28:55,765
[ Wheezes ]
632
00:28:57,436 --> 00:29:00,168
Oh, wait.
633
00:29:00,169 --> 00:29:03,112
[ Metallic scraping ]
634
00:29:08,417 --> 00:29:10,919
The sound that awakened my son
635
00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:12,750
was something he'd heard
only once before,
636
00:29:12,751 --> 00:29:17,325
many years ago
when he was quite young,
637
00:29:17,326 --> 00:29:21,330
but he recognized it instantly.
638
00:29:28,367 --> 00:29:31,470
It was the sound
of a family secret.
639
00:29:56,525 --> 00:29:58,867
Mary Alice: Seven days
after my funeral,
640
00:29:58,868 --> 00:30:03,201
life on Wisteria Lane
finally returned to normal,
641
00:30:03,202 --> 00:30:05,274
which, for some of my friends...
642
00:30:06,876 --> 00:30:07,977
Was unfortunate.
643
00:30:09,508 --> 00:30:10,508
Mommy, mommy!
644
00:30:10,509 --> 00:30:12,580
Now what?
645
00:30:12,581 --> 00:30:14,142
Daddy's home!
646
00:30:14,143 --> 00:30:15,844
[ Boys cheering ]
647
00:30:15,845 --> 00:30:17,515
Ha ha.
648
00:30:17,516 --> 00:30:19,217
Hey, is anybody home?
649
00:30:19,218 --> 00:30:21,189
Hey!
650
00:30:21,190 --> 00:30:23,191
Hey.
651
00:30:23,192 --> 00:30:24,993
I wasn't expecting you
for a week.
652
00:30:24,994 --> 00:30:27,525
I have to go back to frisco
in the morning,
653
00:30:27,526 --> 00:30:29,527
but I got your call.
You sounded a little frazzled.
654
00:30:29,528 --> 00:30:31,359
Yeah.
655
00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:32,861
It's been a little rough.
656
00:30:32,862 --> 00:30:34,462
Hi. yeah. Mmm, peaches.
657
00:30:34,463 --> 00:30:36,334
Daddy, did you bring us
any presents?
658
00:30:36,335 --> 00:30:39,168
Oh, god, presents.
Wait a minute. Let me see.
659
00:30:42,411 --> 00:30:45,573
Oh. [ boys cheer ]
660
00:30:45,574 --> 00:30:47,375
But I'm not going
to give it to you
661
00:30:47,376 --> 00:30:49,277
unless you promise me
to go outside right now
662
00:30:49,278 --> 00:30:51,319
and practice throwing it
for 20 minutes, okay?
663
00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:52,881
You promise?
664
00:30:52,882 --> 00:30:55,023
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Get out of here. Go.
665
00:30:55,024 --> 00:30:58,856
Who's open? Go out!
Deeper! Deeper!
666
00:30:58,857 --> 00:30:59,988
Touchdown!
667
00:30:59,989 --> 00:31:02,491
Oh, my god. Oh.
668
00:31:03,963 --> 00:31:04,963
Ha ha ha.
669
00:31:04,964 --> 00:31:06,434
Oh.
670
00:31:06,435 --> 00:31:08,866
Oh, you got to be kidding.
671
00:31:08,867 --> 00:31:10,939
I'm exhausted. I look terrible.
672
00:31:10,940 --> 00:31:12,600
I'm covered in peaches.
673
00:31:12,601 --> 00:31:14,642
That's all right, baby.
I got to have you.
674
00:31:14,643 --> 00:31:18,246
Well, is it okay
if I just lie here?
675
00:31:18,247 --> 00:31:21,349
Absolutely. ha ha.
676
00:31:21,350 --> 00:31:23,081
Ha ha ha.
677
00:31:23,082 --> 00:31:24,512
I love you.
678
00:31:24,513 --> 00:31:27,455
And I love you more.
679
00:31:27,456 --> 00:31:28,886
Oh, baby.
680
00:31:28,887 --> 00:31:30,188
Oh, wait, I got to tell you,
681
00:31:30,189 --> 00:31:31,319
I was having trouble
with swelling,
682
00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:32,660
so the doctor
took me off the pill,
683
00:31:32,661 --> 00:31:33,922
so you're just going
to have to put on a condom.
684
00:31:33,923 --> 00:31:34,923
Condom?
685
00:31:34,924 --> 00:31:36,024
Yeah.
686
00:31:36,025 --> 00:31:37,425
What's the big deal?
Let's risk it.
687
00:31:37,426 --> 00:31:39,367
Let's risk it?
688
00:31:39,368 --> 00:31:41,300
Yeah.
689
00:31:45,334 --> 00:31:47,236
Oh. [ groans ]
690
00:31:50,479 --> 00:31:52,510
I can't believe
you tried to kill me.
691
00:31:52,511 --> 00:31:54,612
Yes, well,
i feel badly about that.
692
00:31:54,613 --> 00:31:57,615
I told you, Mrs. Huber
came over, and I got distracted.
693
00:31:57,616 --> 00:31:59,447
It was a mistake.
694
00:31:59,448 --> 00:32:00,688
Since when do you make mistakes?
695
00:32:00,689 --> 00:32:03,391
What's that supposed to mean?
696
00:32:03,392 --> 00:32:07,595
It means I'm sick of you being
so damn perfect all the time.
697
00:32:07,596 --> 00:32:11,329
I-I'm sick of the bizarre way
your hair doesn't move.
698
00:32:11,330 --> 00:32:13,361
I'm sick of you
making our bed in the morning
699
00:32:13,362 --> 00:32:15,463
before I've even
used the bathroom.
700
00:32:15,464 --> 00:32:18,136
You're this plastic
suburban housewife
701
00:32:18,137 --> 00:32:19,667
with her pearls and her spatula
702
00:32:19,668 --> 00:32:23,212
who says things like "we owe
the Hendersons a dinner."
703
00:32:25,644 --> 00:32:27,676
Where's the woman
i fell in love with...
704
00:32:30,649 --> 00:32:32,280
Who used to burn the toast
705
00:32:32,281 --> 00:32:34,253
and drink milk
out of the carton...
706
00:32:36,325 --> 00:32:38,327
And laugh?
707
00:32:40,629 --> 00:32:43,961
I need her.
708
00:32:43,962 --> 00:32:46,665
Not this cold, perfect thing
you've become.
709
00:32:53,972 --> 00:32:55,474
These need water.
710
00:33:08,987 --> 00:33:11,259
Bree sobbed quietly
in the restroom
711
00:33:11,260 --> 00:33:12,760
for five minutes,
712
00:33:12,761 --> 00:33:16,164
but her husband never knew,
713
00:33:16,165 --> 00:33:20,528
because when Bree
finally emerged...
714
00:33:20,529 --> 00:33:24,773
She was perfect.
715
00:33:30,709 --> 00:33:32,740
I found my earrings.
We can go now.
716
00:33:32,741 --> 00:33:34,242
Was John here today?
717
00:33:34,243 --> 00:33:36,744
Well, yeah.
718
00:33:36,745 --> 00:33:39,147
The lawn hasn't been mowed.
719
00:33:39,148 --> 00:33:40,388
I've had it.
720
00:33:40,389 --> 00:33:41,789
We're getting a real gardener.
721
00:33:41,790 --> 00:33:43,221
Why? are you deaf?
722
00:33:43,222 --> 00:33:45,753
I just said
he's not doing his job.
723
00:33:45,754 --> 00:33:49,057
It's dark. You just can't see
that the lawn has been mowed.
724
00:33:49,058 --> 00:33:50,758
It hasn't been. Feel this grass.
725
00:33:50,759 --> 00:33:52,029
I'm not feeling the grass.
726
00:33:52,030 --> 00:33:53,731
Let's just get going. Come on.
727
00:33:53,732 --> 00:33:55,104
We're late.
728
00:34:01,210 --> 00:34:03,472
Take care of it. Yes, sir.
729
00:34:09,318 --> 00:34:11,779
There's Tanaka.
730
00:34:11,780 --> 00:34:13,821
Time for me to go into my dance.
731
00:34:13,822 --> 00:34:15,154
Good luck, sweetheart.
732
00:34:18,757 --> 00:34:20,057
Oh, excuse me. Ma'am?
733
00:34:20,058 --> 00:34:22,690
You see that man
who just walked away?
734
00:34:22,691 --> 00:34:24,762
Can you make sure
he has a drink in his hand
735
00:34:24,763 --> 00:34:27,535
all night long?
736
00:34:27,536 --> 00:34:29,598
Yes, ma'am.
737
00:34:56,825 --> 00:34:58,127
Ooh!
738
00:35:03,702 --> 00:35:05,103
Ooh!
739
00:36:09,198 --> 00:36:11,269
Susan?
740
00:36:11,270 --> 00:36:12,870
Susan.
741
00:36:12,871 --> 00:36:14,442
Oh, Mrs. Huber, how you doing?
742
00:36:14,443 --> 00:36:15,703
Not too well, I'm afraid.
743
00:36:15,704 --> 00:36:18,546
I'm trying to find something
to soothe my stomach.
744
00:36:18,547 --> 00:36:19,847
Oh, it's upset?
745
00:36:19,848 --> 00:36:21,178
Yeah.
746
00:36:21,179 --> 00:36:22,780
I had the worst macaroni
and cheese at the wake.
747
00:36:22,781 --> 00:36:24,352
It's been running
through me ever since.
748
00:36:24,353 --> 00:36:25,353
Oh.
749
00:36:25,354 --> 00:36:26,954
And I need to be at my best.
750
00:36:26,955 --> 00:36:29,517
Edie britt's son
is spending the night tonight.
751
00:36:29,518 --> 00:36:32,220
He's spending the night?
752
00:36:32,221 --> 00:36:33,761
Apparently, Edie is having
a gentleman friend
753
00:36:33,762 --> 00:36:35,223
over for dinner,
754
00:36:35,224 --> 00:36:37,194
and I think she plans
on entertaining
755
00:36:37,195 --> 00:36:39,898
into the wee hours,
if you know what I mean.
756
00:36:41,530 --> 00:36:42,970
Oh, here's some antacid.
757
00:36:42,971 --> 00:36:46,334
Have you ever tried this?
758
00:36:46,335 --> 00:36:47,675
I can't believe it.
759
00:36:47,676 --> 00:36:48,976
This can't be happening.
760
00:36:48,977 --> 00:36:51,739
Mike can't like Edie
better than me. He just can't.
761
00:36:51,740 --> 00:36:53,210
You don't know what's going on.
762
00:36:53,211 --> 00:36:55,244
Maybe they're just
having dinner.
763
00:36:56,245 --> 00:36:58,887
You're right. They're doing it.
764
00:37:12,501 --> 00:37:13,832
Edie?
765
00:37:25,414 --> 00:37:26,745
Edie?
766
00:37:32,681 --> 00:37:34,322
Hello?
767
00:37:34,323 --> 00:37:35,684
Anybody home?
768
00:37:38,957 --> 00:37:40,828
I need to borrow sugar.
769
00:37:40,829 --> 00:37:42,259
Marvin gaye: ♪ come on ♪
770
00:37:42,260 --> 00:37:44,332
♪ oh, come on ♪
771
00:37:44,333 --> 00:37:45,633
♪ whoo ♪
772
00:37:45,634 --> 00:37:47,995
♪ let's get it on ♪
773
00:37:47,996 --> 00:37:51,268
♪ ow, baby ♪
774
00:37:51,269 --> 00:37:54,742
♪ let's get it on ♪
775
00:37:54,743 --> 00:37:56,944
♪ let's love, baby ♪
776
00:37:56,945 --> 00:37:57,945
♪ let's get it on ♪
777
00:37:57,946 --> 00:37:59,006
Edie: oh, my god.
778
00:37:59,007 --> 00:38:00,508
Oh, yes.
779
00:38:00,509 --> 00:38:02,410
Oh, my god. Give it to me.
780
00:38:02,411 --> 00:38:04,312
Mary Alice: And just like that,
781
00:38:04,313 --> 00:38:06,554
the possibility
Susan had clung to,
782
00:38:06,555 --> 00:38:09,717
the maybe of Mike Delfino,
783
00:38:09,718 --> 00:38:13,891
was gone forever.
784
00:38:13,892 --> 00:38:16,364
And despite the precariousness
of her situation,
785
00:38:16,365 --> 00:38:19,568
Susan took a moment
to mourn her loss.
786
00:38:29,077 --> 00:38:30,938
[ Gasps ]
787
00:38:30,939 --> 00:38:32,009
Oh!
788
00:38:32,010 --> 00:38:34,042
Oh, my god.
789
00:38:38,917 --> 00:38:41,420
Oh! oh.
790
00:38:45,594 --> 00:38:49,026
It didn't take Susan long
to realize
791
00:38:49,027 --> 00:38:51,859
this was just not her night.
792
00:38:51,860 --> 00:38:53,701
Edie: is somebody out there?
793
00:38:53,702 --> 00:38:55,633
[ Smoke detector beeping ]
794
00:38:55,634 --> 00:38:58,066
Oh, my god! That's smoke!
795
00:39:02,811 --> 00:39:04,071
[ Sirens wailing ]
796
00:39:04,072 --> 00:39:07,915
Woman on radio: Code 14,
call firefighters 130, 92,
797
00:39:07,916 --> 00:39:11,620
scout 24, patrolman 42...
798
00:39:15,053 --> 00:39:18,386
Candles unattended in the den.
799
00:39:18,387 --> 00:39:21,028
Paramedics said she was lucky.
She could have been killed.
800
00:39:21,029 --> 00:39:22,089
Oh.
801
00:39:22,090 --> 00:39:24,392
She ran out with nothing on.
802
00:39:24,393 --> 00:39:27,034
She was having sex with some guy
when the fire started.
803
00:39:27,035 --> 00:39:29,066
What happened to him?
804
00:39:29,067 --> 00:39:31,599
He got smoke inhalation.
He's at the hospital.
805
00:39:31,600 --> 00:39:34,402
Susan, are you all right?
806
00:39:34,403 --> 00:39:35,903
You look awful.
807
00:39:35,904 --> 00:39:37,805
I'm fine. I'm fine.
808
00:39:37,806 --> 00:39:39,747
I-i just, uh...
809
00:39:39,748 --> 00:39:43,411
Feel really bad for Edie.
810
00:39:43,412 --> 00:39:44,512
Oh, honey,
don't worry about Edie.
811
00:39:44,513 --> 00:39:45,713
She's a strong lady.
812
00:39:45,714 --> 00:39:46,714
Absolutely.
813
00:39:46,715 --> 00:39:47,985
She'll get through this.
814
00:39:47,986 --> 00:39:49,917
She'll find a way to survive.
815
00:39:49,918 --> 00:39:52,390
We all do.
816
00:39:54,963 --> 00:39:56,124
Come on.
817
00:39:57,626 --> 00:40:00,798
Are you ready?
818
00:40:00,799 --> 00:40:04,772
She's lucky to be alive.
819
00:40:04,773 --> 00:40:07,476
All the other houses
could have caught on fire.
820
00:40:14,142 --> 00:40:15,783
Wow, what happened?
821
00:40:15,784 --> 00:40:17,685
Mike.
822
00:40:17,686 --> 00:40:19,447
And suddenly, there he was,
823
00:40:19,448 --> 00:40:21,118
like a Phoenix
rising from the ashes.
824
00:40:21,119 --> 00:40:24,091
I-i thought you were...
825
00:40:24,092 --> 00:40:25,923
Uh, where were you?
826
00:40:25,924 --> 00:40:27,825
I just got back from the movies.
827
00:40:27,826 --> 00:40:29,657
Edie had a fire, huh?
828
00:40:29,658 --> 00:40:31,098
Yeah.
829
00:40:31,099 --> 00:40:34,732
Yeah, but she's fine now.
830
00:40:34,733 --> 00:40:36,203
Everything's fine now.
831
00:40:36,204 --> 00:40:40,207
And just like that,
Susan was happy.
832
00:40:40,208 --> 00:40:42,109
Life was suddenly full of...
833
00:40:42,110 --> 00:40:44,112
Possibilities.
834
00:40:49,478 --> 00:40:53,482
Not to mention
a few unexpected surprises.
835
00:40:57,856 --> 00:40:58,856
Man: hello?
836
00:40:58,857 --> 00:40:59,927
Hey, it's me.
837
00:40:59,928 --> 00:41:01,188
Do you have anything yet?
838
00:41:01,189 --> 00:41:03,731
No. no, nothing yet,
but don't worry.
839
00:41:03,732 --> 00:41:06,464
I'm definitely getting closer.
840
00:41:14,242 --> 00:41:16,544
Susan: I brought some champagne.
841
00:41:16,545 --> 00:41:18,205
I thought
we should have a toast.
842
00:41:18,206 --> 00:41:20,477
The next day,
my friends came together
843
00:41:20,478 --> 00:41:23,881
to pack away my clothes,
my personal belongings,
844
00:41:23,882 --> 00:41:26,515
and what was left of my life.
845
00:41:28,517 --> 00:41:30,718
All right, ladies, lift 'em up.
846
00:41:30,719 --> 00:41:31,989
To Mary Alice...
847
00:41:31,990 --> 00:41:33,891
A good friend and neighbor.
848
00:41:33,892 --> 00:41:36,063
Wherever you are,
we hope you've found peace.
849
00:41:36,064 --> 00:41:37,064
Bree: to Mary Alice.
850
00:41:37,065 --> 00:41:39,097
To Mary Alice.
851
00:41:45,503 --> 00:41:47,575
Let's get this show on the road.
852
00:41:47,576 --> 00:41:50,207
You guys check out
Mary Alice's clothes?
853
00:41:50,208 --> 00:41:52,239
Size 8? Ha.
854
00:41:52,240 --> 00:41:54,542
She always told me
she was a size 6.
855
00:41:54,543 --> 00:41:56,513
Guess we found the skeleton
in her closet.
856
00:41:56,514 --> 00:41:58,986
Not quite, Gabrielle. Not quite.
857
00:41:58,987 --> 00:42:00,548
What's that?
858
00:42:00,549 --> 00:42:02,519
It's a letter
addressed to Mary Alice.
859
00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:03,921
How ironic...
860
00:42:03,922 --> 00:42:06,754
To have something I tried
so desperately to keep secret
861
00:42:06,755 --> 00:42:08,726
treated so casually.
862
00:42:08,727 --> 00:42:10,527
What are you doing?
That's private.
863
00:42:10,528 --> 00:42:12,160
It's open. What's the big deal?
864
00:42:24,242 --> 00:42:25,843
What does this mean?
865
00:42:25,844 --> 00:42:27,244
I don't know,
but check out the postmark.
866
00:42:27,245 --> 00:42:30,547
Oh, my god.
She got it the day she died.
867
00:42:30,548 --> 00:42:33,621
Do you think this is why she...
868
00:42:33,622 --> 00:42:36,553
I'm so sorry, girls.
869
00:42:36,554 --> 00:42:39,187
I never wanted you
to be burdened with this.
870
00:42:40,889 --> 00:42:44,232
Oh, Mary Alice, what did you do?
59828
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