All language subtitles for Desperate Housewives - S01xE01 - Pilot

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified) Download
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English Download
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French Download
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian Download
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese Download
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian Download
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt-PT Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian Download
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish Download
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian Download
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:15,186 --> 00:00:18,017 Woman: My name is Mary Alice young. 2 00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:19,589 When you read this morning's paper, 3 00:00:19,590 --> 00:00:21,251 you may come across an article 4 00:00:21,252 --> 00:00:24,694 about the unusual day I had last week. 5 00:00:24,695 --> 00:00:28,158 Normally, there's never anything newsworthy about my life, 6 00:00:28,159 --> 00:00:31,501 but that all changed last Thursday. 7 00:00:31,502 --> 00:00:35,065 Of course, everything seemed quite normal at first. 8 00:00:35,066 --> 00:00:38,068 I made breakfast for my family. 9 00:00:38,069 --> 00:00:42,812 I performed my chores. 10 00:00:42,813 --> 00:00:46,546 I completed my projects. 11 00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:49,249 I ran my errands. 12 00:00:49,250 --> 00:00:53,353 In truth, I spent the day as I spent every other day... 13 00:00:53,354 --> 00:00:56,055 Quietly polishing the routine of my life 14 00:00:56,056 --> 00:01:01,391 until it gleamed with perfection. 15 00:01:01,392 --> 00:01:04,634 That's why it was so astonishing 16 00:01:04,635 --> 00:01:07,137 when I decided to go to my hallway closet 17 00:01:07,138 --> 00:01:12,703 and retrieve a revolver that had never been used. 18 00:01:15,146 --> 00:01:18,578 My body was discovered by my neighbor 19 00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:22,182 Mrs. Martha Huber, who had been startled 20 00:01:22,183 --> 00:01:24,354 by a strange popping sound. 21 00:01:24,355 --> 00:01:27,657 Her curiosity aroused, Mrs. Huber tried to think 22 00:01:27,658 --> 00:01:32,792 of a reason for dropping in on me unannounced. 23 00:01:32,793 --> 00:01:35,595 After some initial hesitation, 24 00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:37,227 she decided to return the blender 25 00:01:37,228 --> 00:01:39,730 she had borrowed from me six months before. 26 00:01:41,732 --> 00:01:42,733 [ Doorbell rings ] 27 00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:47,808 [ Ring ] 28 00:01:58,149 --> 00:02:00,791 Aah! 29 00:02:02,853 --> 00:02:04,854 It's my neighbor. I think she's been shot. 30 00:02:04,855 --> 00:02:06,556 There's blood everywhere. 31 00:02:06,557 --> 00:02:07,757 Yes. 32 00:02:07,758 --> 00:02:09,659 You've got to send an ambulance. 33 00:02:09,660 --> 00:02:12,263 You've got to send one right now. 34 00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:17,807 And for a moment, 35 00:02:17,808 --> 00:02:20,710 Mrs. Huber stood motionless in her kitchen, 36 00:02:20,711 --> 00:02:23,643 grief-stricken by this senseless tragedy... 37 00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:26,276 But only for a moment. 38 00:02:26,277 --> 00:02:30,149 If there was one thing Mrs. Huber was known for, 39 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:34,285 it was her ability to look on the bright side. 40 00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:42,192 I was laid to rest on a Monday. 41 00:02:42,193 --> 00:02:43,293 After the funeral, 42 00:02:43,294 --> 00:02:45,265 all the residents of Wisteria Lane 43 00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:48,238 came to pay their respects. 44 00:02:48,239 --> 00:02:51,471 And, as people do in these situations, 45 00:02:51,472 --> 00:02:52,702 they brought food. 46 00:02:52,703 --> 00:02:55,305 Lynette Scavo brought fried chicken. 47 00:02:55,306 --> 00:02:58,848 Lynette had a great family recipe for fried chicken. 48 00:02:58,849 --> 00:03:00,350 Of course, she didn't cook much 49 00:03:00,351 --> 00:03:02,352 while she was moving up the corporate ladder. 50 00:03:02,353 --> 00:03:04,183 She didn't have the time. 51 00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:06,216 But when her doctor announced Lynette was pregnant, 52 00:03:06,217 --> 00:03:08,718 her husband Tom had an idea. 53 00:03:08,719 --> 00:03:10,620 "Why not quit your job? 54 00:03:10,621 --> 00:03:12,422 "Kids do better with stay-at-home moms. 55 00:03:12,423 --> 00:03:15,295 It would be so much less stressful." 56 00:03:15,296 --> 00:03:17,227 But this was not the case. 57 00:03:17,228 --> 00:03:20,230 In fact, Lynette's life had become so hectic, 58 00:03:20,231 --> 00:03:22,502 she was now forced to get her fried chicken 59 00:03:22,503 --> 00:03:24,604 from a fast-food restaurant. 60 00:03:24,605 --> 00:03:26,406 Lynette would have appreciated the irony 61 00:03:26,407 --> 00:03:28,378 if she stopped to think about it, 62 00:03:28,379 --> 00:03:30,840 but she couldn't. She didn't have the time. 63 00:03:30,841 --> 00:03:32,742 Stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it! 64 00:03:32,743 --> 00:03:33,943 But, mom! 65 00:03:33,944 --> 00:03:35,585 No, you are going to behave today. 66 00:03:35,586 --> 00:03:37,247 I am not going to be humiliated 67 00:03:37,248 --> 00:03:39,289 in front of the entire neighborhood. 68 00:03:39,290 --> 00:03:41,891 And just so you know how serious I am... 69 00:03:41,892 --> 00:03:43,793 What's that? 70 00:03:43,794 --> 00:03:45,595 Santa's cell phone number. 71 00:03:45,596 --> 00:03:47,257 How'd you get that? 72 00:03:47,258 --> 00:03:49,629 I know someone who knows someone who knows an elf, 73 00:03:49,630 --> 00:03:51,261 and if any of you acts up, 74 00:03:51,262 --> 00:03:53,232 so help me, I will call Santa, 75 00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:55,906 and I will tell him you want socks for Christmas. 76 00:03:57,268 --> 00:03:58,738 You willing to risk that? 77 00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:00,710 Mnh-mnh. 78 00:04:00,711 --> 00:04:03,413 Okay. 79 00:04:03,414 --> 00:04:04,975 Let's get this over with. 80 00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:10,019 Gabrielle solis, who lives down the block, 81 00:04:10,020 --> 00:04:13,353 brought a spicy paella. 82 00:04:13,354 --> 00:04:15,625 Since her modeling days in New York, 83 00:04:15,626 --> 00:04:19,889 Gabrielle had developed a taste for rich food... 84 00:04:19,890 --> 00:04:22,732 And rich men. 85 00:04:22,733 --> 00:04:25,365 Carlos, who worked in mergers and acquisitions, 86 00:04:25,366 --> 00:04:27,467 proposed on their third date. 87 00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:30,770 Gabrielle was touched when tears welled up in his eyes, 88 00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:32,372 but she soon discovered 89 00:04:32,373 --> 00:04:36,005 this happened every time Carlos closed the big deal. 90 00:04:36,006 --> 00:04:38,578 Gabrielle liked her paella piping hot. 91 00:04:38,579 --> 00:04:40,680 However, her relationship with her husband 92 00:04:40,681 --> 00:04:43,413 was considerably cooler. 93 00:04:43,414 --> 00:04:45,555 If you talk to al Mason at this thing, 94 00:04:45,556 --> 00:04:46,956 I want you to casually mention 95 00:04:46,957 --> 00:04:48,558 how much I paid for your necklace. 96 00:04:48,559 --> 00:04:50,390 Why don't I just pin the receipt to my chest? 97 00:04:50,391 --> 00:04:51,621 He let me know how much he paid 98 00:04:51,622 --> 00:04:52,962 for his wife's new convertible. 99 00:04:52,963 --> 00:04:54,464 Look, just work it into the conversation. 100 00:04:54,465 --> 00:04:56,326 There's no way I can just work that in, Carlos. 101 00:04:56,327 --> 00:04:57,827 Why not? At the donoghue party, 102 00:04:57,828 --> 00:04:59,729 everyone was talking mutual funds, 103 00:04:59,730 --> 00:05:01,401 and you found a way to mention 104 00:05:01,402 --> 00:05:02,972 you slept with half the yankee outfield. 105 00:05:02,973 --> 00:05:04,073 I'm telling you, it came up 106 00:05:04,074 --> 00:05:05,405 in the context of the conversation. 107 00:05:05,406 --> 00:05:06,936 Hey, people are starting to stare. 108 00:05:06,937 --> 00:05:08,478 Can you keep your voice down, please? 109 00:05:08,479 --> 00:05:09,739 Absolutely. 110 00:05:09,740 --> 00:05:12,342 We wouldn't want them to think we're not happy. 111 00:05:12,343 --> 00:05:14,414 Bree Van De Kamp, who lives next door, 112 00:05:14,415 --> 00:05:17,747 brought baskets of muffins she baked from scratch. 113 00:05:17,748 --> 00:05:19,789 Bree was known for her cooking, 114 00:05:19,790 --> 00:05:22,692 and for making her own clothes, 115 00:05:22,693 --> 00:05:25,625 and for doing her own gardening, 116 00:05:25,626 --> 00:05:29,659 and for reupholstering her own furniture. 117 00:05:29,660 --> 00:05:31,531 Yes, Bree's many talents 118 00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:33,503 were known throughout the neighborhood, 119 00:05:33,504 --> 00:05:35,435 and everyone on Wisteria Lane thought of Bree 120 00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:37,937 as the perfect wife and mother. 121 00:05:37,938 --> 00:05:42,112 Everyone, that is, except her own family. 122 00:05:43,514 --> 00:05:45,945 Paul. 123 00:05:45,946 --> 00:05:47,477 Zachary. 124 00:05:47,478 --> 00:05:48,848 Hello, Mrs. Van De Kamp. 125 00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:50,480 Bree, you shouldn't have gone to all this trouble. 126 00:05:50,481 --> 00:05:51,851 It was no trouble at all. 127 00:05:51,852 --> 00:05:53,122 Now, the basket with the red ribbon 128 00:05:53,123 --> 00:05:54,784 is filled with desserts for your guests, 129 00:05:54,785 --> 00:05:56,526 but the one with the blue ribbon 130 00:05:56,527 --> 00:05:57,857 is just for you and Zachary. 131 00:05:57,858 --> 00:06:00,930 It's got rolls, muffins, breakfast-type things. 132 00:06:00,931 --> 00:06:02,432 Thank you. 133 00:06:02,433 --> 00:06:04,133 Well, the least I could do is make sure you boys had 134 00:06:04,134 --> 00:06:06,636 a decent meal to look forward to in the morning. 135 00:06:06,637 --> 00:06:09,869 I know you're out of your minds with grief. 136 00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:12,141 Yes, we are. 137 00:06:12,142 --> 00:06:13,503 Of course, 138 00:06:13,504 --> 00:06:16,145 I will need the baskets back once you're done. 139 00:06:16,146 --> 00:06:18,849 Of course. 140 00:06:22,052 --> 00:06:24,784 Susan Mayer, who lives across the street, 141 00:06:24,785 --> 00:06:27,116 brought macaroni and cheese. 142 00:06:27,117 --> 00:06:30,019 Her husband Carl always teased her about her macaroni, 143 00:06:30,020 --> 00:06:32,422 saying it was the only thing she knew how to cook, 144 00:06:32,423 --> 00:06:35,164 and she rarely made it well. 145 00:06:35,165 --> 00:06:36,426 It was too salty 146 00:06:36,427 --> 00:06:39,669 the night she and Carl moved into their house. 147 00:06:39,670 --> 00:06:40,870 It was too watery 148 00:06:40,871 --> 00:06:43,933 the night she found lipstick on Carl's shirt. 149 00:06:43,934 --> 00:06:46,476 She burned it the night Carl told her 150 00:06:46,477 --> 00:06:48,939 he was leaving her for his secretary. 151 00:06:56,747 --> 00:06:59,489 A year had passed since the divorce. 152 00:06:59,490 --> 00:07:01,551 Susan had started to think how nice it would be 153 00:07:01,552 --> 00:07:03,422 to have a man in her life, 154 00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:05,424 even one who would make fun of her cooking. 155 00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:06,526 Mom... 156 00:07:06,527 --> 00:07:09,729 Why would someone kill themselves? 157 00:07:09,730 --> 00:07:11,761 Well... 158 00:07:11,762 --> 00:07:13,432 Sometimes people are so unhappy, 159 00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:16,466 they think that's the only way they can solve their problems. 160 00:07:16,467 --> 00:07:18,107 But Mrs. young always seemed happy. 161 00:07:18,108 --> 00:07:20,710 Yeah, sometimes people pretend to be one way 162 00:07:20,711 --> 00:07:23,513 on the outside when they're totally different on the inside. 163 00:07:23,514 --> 00:07:25,074 Oh, you mean like how dad's girlfriend 164 00:07:25,075 --> 00:07:26,616 is always smiling and says nice things, 165 00:07:26,617 --> 00:07:28,548 but deep down, you just know she's a bitch? 166 00:07:28,549 --> 00:07:30,520 I don't like that word, Julie. 167 00:07:30,521 --> 00:07:32,683 But, yeah, that's a great example. 168 00:07:43,594 --> 00:07:45,035 Julie: hey, what's going on? 169 00:07:47,638 --> 00:07:49,569 Sorry I'm late. 170 00:07:49,570 --> 00:07:51,240 Hi, Susan. 171 00:07:51,241 --> 00:07:52,242 Hey. 172 00:08:12,062 --> 00:08:15,024 So, what did Carl say when you confronted him? 173 00:08:15,025 --> 00:08:17,597 You'll love this. He said... 174 00:08:17,598 --> 00:08:20,029 "It doesn't mean anything. It was just sex." 175 00:08:20,030 --> 00:08:22,802 Ah, yes, page one of the philanderer's handbook. 176 00:08:22,803 --> 00:08:24,804 Yeah, and then he got this zen look on his face, 177 00:08:24,805 --> 00:08:26,606 and he said, "you know, Susan", 178 00:08:26,607 --> 00:08:29,639 most men live lives of quiet desperation." 179 00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:31,010 Please tell me you punched him. 180 00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:32,281 No, I said, "really?" 181 00:08:32,282 --> 00:08:34,243 And what do most women lead, lives of noisy fulfillment?" 182 00:08:34,244 --> 00:08:35,815 Hmm. good for you. 183 00:08:35,816 --> 00:08:36,986 I mean, of all people, 184 00:08:36,987 --> 00:08:38,618 did he have to bang his secretary? 185 00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:40,249 I had that woman over for brunch. 186 00:08:40,250 --> 00:08:41,791 It's like my grandmother always said... 187 00:08:41,792 --> 00:08:43,553 An erect penis doesn't have a conscience. 188 00:08:43,554 --> 00:08:45,695 Even the limp ones aren't that ethical. 189 00:08:45,696 --> 00:08:47,897 This is half the reason i joined the nra. 190 00:08:47,898 --> 00:08:49,559 Well, when Rex started going to those medical conferences, 191 00:08:49,560 --> 00:08:51,160 I wanted it in the back of his mind 192 00:08:51,161 --> 00:08:52,832 that he had a loving wife at home 193 00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:54,564 with a loaded Smith & Wesson. 194 00:08:54,565 --> 00:08:57,567 Lynnie, Tom's always away on business. 195 00:08:57,568 --> 00:08:58,908 Do you ever worry he might? 196 00:08:58,909 --> 00:09:00,640 Oh, please, the man's gotten me pregnant 197 00:09:00,641 --> 00:09:02,672 three times in four years. 198 00:09:02,673 --> 00:09:05,314 I wish he was having sex with someone else. 199 00:09:05,315 --> 00:09:08,117 Ha ha ha. 200 00:09:08,118 --> 00:09:10,881 So, Susan, is he going to stop seeing that woman? 201 00:09:13,824 --> 00:09:15,325 I don't know. 202 00:09:19,329 --> 00:09:23,693 I'm sorry, you guys. I just... 203 00:09:23,694 --> 00:09:26,696 I just don't know how I'm going to survive this. 204 00:09:26,697 --> 00:09:29,669 Listen to me. 205 00:09:29,670 --> 00:09:32,673 We all have moments of desperation. 206 00:09:33,874 --> 00:09:35,344 But if we can face them head-on, 207 00:09:35,345 --> 00:09:38,649 that's when we find out just how strong we really are. 208 00:09:44,655 --> 00:09:46,656 Susan. 209 00:09:46,657 --> 00:09:47,717 Susan. 210 00:09:47,718 --> 00:09:49,058 I was just saying 211 00:09:49,059 --> 00:09:50,660 Paul wants us to go over on Friday. 212 00:09:50,661 --> 00:09:52,361 He needs us to go through Mary Alice's closet 213 00:09:52,362 --> 00:09:53,793 and help pack up her things. 214 00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:55,294 He said he can't face doing it by himself. 215 00:09:55,295 --> 00:09:56,966 Sure. that's fine. 216 00:09:56,967 --> 00:09:59,228 Are you okay? 217 00:09:59,229 --> 00:10:01,070 Yeah. 218 00:10:01,071 --> 00:10:02,972 I'm just so angry. 219 00:10:02,973 --> 00:10:04,704 If Mary Alice was having problems, 220 00:10:04,705 --> 00:10:05,975 she should have come to us. 221 00:10:05,976 --> 00:10:07,707 She should have let us help her. 222 00:10:07,708 --> 00:10:09,178 What kind of problems could she have had? 223 00:10:09,179 --> 00:10:10,680 She was healthy, 224 00:10:10,681 --> 00:10:11,981 had a great home, a nice family. 225 00:10:11,982 --> 00:10:13,142 Her life was... 226 00:10:13,143 --> 00:10:15,285 Our life. 227 00:10:16,717 --> 00:10:18,988 No, if Mary Alice was having some sort of crisis, 228 00:10:18,989 --> 00:10:20,690 we'd have known. 229 00:10:20,691 --> 00:10:22,792 She lives 50 feet away, for god's sakes. 230 00:10:22,793 --> 00:10:24,954 Gabby, the woman killed herself. 231 00:10:24,955 --> 00:10:26,827 Something must have been going on. 232 00:10:39,770 --> 00:10:41,640 I wouldn't eat that if I were you. 233 00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:42,712 Why? 234 00:10:42,713 --> 00:10:44,344 I made it. Trust me. 235 00:10:46,747 --> 00:10:49,779 Hey, hey, do you... Do you have a death wish? 236 00:10:49,780 --> 00:10:50,880 No, I just refuse to believe 237 00:10:50,881 --> 00:10:52,783 that anybody can screw up macaroni and cheese. 238 00:10:54,224 --> 00:10:56,886 Oh, my god. 239 00:10:56,887 --> 00:10:58,728 How did you... 240 00:10:58,729 --> 00:11:01,991 It tastes like it's burned andundercooked. 241 00:11:01,992 --> 00:11:03,833 Yeah, I get that a lot. Here you go. 242 00:11:03,834 --> 00:11:05,334 Ha ha. 243 00:11:05,335 --> 00:11:07,196 Um... 244 00:11:07,197 --> 00:11:08,667 Ha ha. Thanks. 245 00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,139 I'm Mike Delfino. 246 00:11:10,140 --> 00:11:12,371 I just started renting the Simms house next door. 247 00:11:12,372 --> 00:11:15,174 Susan Mayer. I live across the street. 248 00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:17,046 Oh, yeah, Mrs. Huber told me about you. 249 00:11:17,047 --> 00:11:19,048 Said you illustrate children's books. 250 00:11:19,049 --> 00:11:21,680 Yeah, I'm very big with the under-5 set. 251 00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:22,681 Ha ha ha. 252 00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:24,013 What do you do? Plumber. 253 00:11:24,014 --> 00:11:27,257 So if you ever have a clog... 254 00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:30,189 Or something. 255 00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:33,292 Ha ha. 256 00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:36,395 Now that everybody's seen that I brought something, 257 00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:39,028 I should probably just throw this out. 258 00:11:39,029 --> 00:11:40,771 Ha ha. 259 00:11:50,380 --> 00:11:51,380 Ow. 260 00:11:51,381 --> 00:11:53,383 Ease up, you little vampire. 261 00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:59,989 Lynette, I've been looking all over for you. 262 00:11:59,990 --> 00:12:02,792 Are you aware of what your sons are doing? 263 00:12:02,793 --> 00:12:04,755 Boy: cannonball! 264 00:12:07,828 --> 00:12:11,802 [ Boys yelling ] 265 00:12:15,766 --> 00:12:16,966 What are you doing? 266 00:12:16,967 --> 00:12:18,808 We are at a wake. 267 00:12:18,809 --> 00:12:20,840 When we got here, you said we could go in the pool. 268 00:12:20,841 --> 00:12:23,312 I said you could gobythe pool. 269 00:12:23,313 --> 00:12:25,875 Do you have your swimsuits on? 270 00:12:25,876 --> 00:12:27,346 Yeah, we put them under our clothes 271 00:12:27,347 --> 00:12:28,747 before we left. 272 00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,780 You three planned this? All right. 273 00:12:30,781 --> 00:12:32,151 That's it. Get out! 274 00:12:32,152 --> 00:12:34,453 No! no? 275 00:12:34,454 --> 00:12:36,856 I am your mother. 276 00:12:36,857 --> 00:12:38,457 You have to do what I say. Come on. 277 00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:40,931 We want to swim, and you can't stop us! 278 00:12:49,499 --> 00:12:52,472 Here, father. 279 00:12:54,474 --> 00:12:56,806 Get out, or I will get in this pool 280 00:12:56,807 --> 00:12:58,007 and just grab you. Get out! 281 00:12:58,008 --> 00:12:59,249 Get over here. 282 00:13:01,912 --> 00:13:03,153 Get... get over here! 283 00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:07,917 All right, give me your arm. Get back... 284 00:13:07,918 --> 00:13:11,520 You... ooh! 285 00:13:11,521 --> 00:13:13,092 Move it! 286 00:13:13,093 --> 00:13:15,424 That's right! Get over here! 287 00:13:15,425 --> 00:13:17,266 Go, go, go, go, go! 288 00:13:17,267 --> 00:13:19,068 Move it! 289 00:13:19,069 --> 00:13:20,230 Ugh. 290 00:13:25,405 --> 00:13:27,237 Out! get out! 291 00:13:34,985 --> 00:13:37,046 Paul, we have to leave now. 292 00:13:37,047 --> 00:13:39,589 Once again, i am so sorry for your loss. 293 00:13:40,891 --> 00:13:42,922 Go. 294 00:13:42,923 --> 00:13:44,954 Mary Alice: Lynette shouldn't have been so concerned. 295 00:13:44,955 --> 00:13:46,295 About my husband. 296 00:13:46,296 --> 00:13:49,258 He had other things on his mind... 297 00:13:49,259 --> 00:13:51,962 Things below the surface. 298 00:14:04,174 --> 00:14:05,975 Mary Alice: The morning after my funeral, 299 00:14:05,976 --> 00:14:08,377 my friends and neighbors quietly went back 300 00:14:08,378 --> 00:14:10,880 to their busy, busy lives. 301 00:14:10,881 --> 00:14:16,125 While some did their cooking... 302 00:14:16,126 --> 00:14:19,989 And some did their cleaning... 303 00:14:19,990 --> 00:14:22,932 And some did their yoga... 304 00:14:22,933 --> 00:14:26,065 Others did their homework. 305 00:14:26,066 --> 00:14:27,366 Hi. shh. 306 00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,538 [ Barks ] I'm Julie. 307 00:14:29,539 --> 00:14:31,901 I kicked my soccer ball into your backyard. 308 00:14:31,902 --> 00:14:34,873 Oh, okay. Well, let's go around and get it. 309 00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:35,945 Stay. 310 00:14:35,946 --> 00:14:37,406 [ Dog barks ] 311 00:14:37,407 --> 00:14:39,909 His wife died a year ago. He wanted to stay in L.A., 312 00:14:39,910 --> 00:14:41,580 but there were too many memories. 313 00:14:41,581 --> 00:14:42,952 He's renting for tax purposes, 314 00:14:42,953 --> 00:14:44,954 but he hopes to buy a place real soon. 315 00:14:44,955 --> 00:14:46,015 I can't believe you went over there. 316 00:14:46,016 --> 00:14:47,586 Hey, I saw you both flirting at the wake. 317 00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:49,418 You're obviously into each other. 318 00:14:49,419 --> 00:14:51,460 Now that you know he's single, you can ask him out. 319 00:14:51,461 --> 00:14:53,662 Julie, I like Mr. Delfino, I do. 320 00:14:53,663 --> 00:14:54,893 I just, uh, 321 00:14:54,894 --> 00:14:57,126 I don't even know if I'm ready to start dating yet. 322 00:14:57,127 --> 00:14:59,028 Oh, you need to get back out there. 323 00:14:59,029 --> 00:15:01,401 Come on. How long has it been since you've had sex? 324 00:15:04,034 --> 00:15:05,534 Are you mad that I asked you that? 325 00:15:05,535 --> 00:15:07,376 No, I'm just trying to remember. 326 00:15:07,377 --> 00:15:09,308 I don't want to talk to you about my love life anymore. 327 00:15:09,309 --> 00:15:10,909 It weirds me out. 328 00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:13,112 I wouldn't have said anything. It's just... 329 00:15:13,113 --> 00:15:14,483 What? 330 00:15:14,484 --> 00:15:16,345 I heard dad's girlfriend ask 331 00:15:16,346 --> 00:15:18,948 if you'd dated anyone since the divorce, 332 00:15:18,949 --> 00:15:21,491 and dad said he doubted it. 333 00:15:23,123 --> 00:15:24,995 And then they both laughed. 334 00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:35,334 [ Doorbell rings ] 335 00:15:35,335 --> 00:15:37,437 [ Dog barks ] 336 00:15:40,510 --> 00:15:41,570 Hey. 337 00:15:41,571 --> 00:15:43,412 Susan. hi, Mike. 338 00:15:43,413 --> 00:15:45,144 I brought you a little housewarming gift. 339 00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:49,018 I probably should have brought something by earlier, but... 340 00:15:49,019 --> 00:15:51,050 Actually, you're the first in the neighborhood to stop by. 341 00:15:51,051 --> 00:15:52,121 Really? 342 00:15:52,122 --> 00:15:54,023 Susan knew she was lucky. 343 00:15:54,024 --> 00:15:57,086 An eligible bachelor had moved onto Wisteria Lane, 344 00:15:57,087 --> 00:15:59,188 and she was the first to find out, 345 00:15:59,189 --> 00:16:01,460 but she also knew that good news... 346 00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:02,432 Hello there! 347 00:16:02,433 --> 00:16:04,193 Travels quickly. 348 00:16:04,194 --> 00:16:06,435 Edie britt was the most predatory divorcée. 349 00:16:06,436 --> 00:16:08,297 In a 5-block radius. 350 00:16:08,298 --> 00:16:10,570 Her conquests were numerous... 351 00:16:13,103 --> 00:16:15,575 Varied... 352 00:16:17,307 --> 00:16:19,549 And legendary. 353 00:16:21,511 --> 00:16:25,084 Hi, Susan. I hope I'm not interrupting. 354 00:16:25,085 --> 00:16:27,486 You must be Mike Delfino. 355 00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:28,757 Hi, I'm Edie. 356 00:16:28,758 --> 00:16:30,319 Britt. 357 00:16:30,320 --> 00:16:32,321 I live over there. 358 00:16:32,322 --> 00:16:34,763 Welcome to Wisteria Lane. 359 00:16:34,764 --> 00:16:39,098 Susan had met the enemy, and she was a slut. 360 00:16:39,099 --> 00:16:41,200 Thank you. Ha ha. What's this? 361 00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:43,032 Sausage putanesca. 362 00:16:43,033 --> 00:16:45,274 It's just something i threw together. 363 00:16:45,275 --> 00:16:47,176 Well, thanks, Edie. Ha ha. 364 00:16:47,177 --> 00:16:50,179 That's great. 365 00:16:50,180 --> 00:16:52,081 I'd invite you both in, 366 00:16:52,082 --> 00:16:53,182 but I was sort of in the middle of something. 367 00:16:53,183 --> 00:16:54,443 Oh, I... no problem. 368 00:16:54,444 --> 00:16:56,014 I'm late for an appointment. I just wanted to say hi. 369 00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:57,146 And just like that, 370 00:16:57,147 --> 00:17:00,018 the race for Mike Delfino had begun. 371 00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:01,650 For a moment, Susan wondered 372 00:17:01,651 --> 00:17:04,593 if her rivalry with Edie would remain friendly. 373 00:17:04,594 --> 00:17:07,526 Oh, Mike. I heard you're a plumber? 374 00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:10,599 But she was reminded that when it came to men... 375 00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:13,102 Do you think you could stop by later tonight 376 00:17:13,103 --> 00:17:15,364 and take a look at my pipes? 377 00:17:15,365 --> 00:17:17,466 Women don't fight fair. Sure. 378 00:17:17,467 --> 00:17:19,469 Thanks. 379 00:17:25,115 --> 00:17:26,116 Bye, Susan. 380 00:17:27,647 --> 00:17:29,618 You can't order me around like I'm a child. 381 00:17:29,619 --> 00:17:31,049 Gabrielle. 382 00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,321 No. no, no, no. I'm not going. 383 00:17:32,322 --> 00:17:33,622 It's business. 384 00:17:33,623 --> 00:17:35,084 Tanaka expects everyone to bring their wives. 385 00:17:35,085 --> 00:17:37,826 Every time I'm around that man, he tries to grab my ass. 386 00:17:37,827 --> 00:17:40,058 Ha ha. I made over $200,000 387 00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:41,760 doing business with him last year. 388 00:17:41,761 --> 00:17:43,733 If he wants to grab your ass, you let him. 389 00:17:53,143 --> 00:17:54,403 John. ow. 390 00:17:54,404 --> 00:17:57,106 Mr. solis. You scared me. 391 00:17:57,107 --> 00:17:59,108 Why is that bush still there? 392 00:17:59,109 --> 00:18:01,710 You were supposed to dig it up last week. I didn't have time last week. 393 00:18:01,711 --> 00:18:03,252 I don't want to hear your excuses. 394 00:18:03,253 --> 00:18:06,456 Just take care of it. 395 00:18:07,657 --> 00:18:10,659 I really hate the way you talk to me. 396 00:18:10,660 --> 00:18:12,161 And I really hate 397 00:18:12,162 --> 00:18:14,193 that I spend $15,000 on your diamond necklace 398 00:18:14,194 --> 00:18:15,694 that you couldn't live without, 399 00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:17,196 but I'm learning to deal with it. 400 00:18:17,197 --> 00:18:19,097 So can I tell Tanaka 401 00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:21,270 we'll be there tomorrow night? 402 00:18:21,271 --> 00:18:22,771 John. 403 00:18:22,772 --> 00:18:25,134 We have bandages top shelf in the kitchen. 404 00:18:25,135 --> 00:18:26,306 Thanks, Mrs. solis. 405 00:18:30,580 --> 00:18:32,481 Fine. I'll go. 406 00:18:32,482 --> 00:18:34,683 But I'm keeping my back pressed against the wall 407 00:18:34,684 --> 00:18:36,545 the entire time. 408 00:18:36,546 --> 00:18:37,886 See? 409 00:18:37,887 --> 00:18:40,219 Now this is what a marriage is all about... 410 00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:41,391 Compromise. 411 00:18:47,457 --> 00:18:49,127 Is your finger okay? 412 00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:51,330 Yeah, yeah, it's just a small cut. 413 00:18:51,331 --> 00:18:52,731 Let me see. 414 00:18:52,732 --> 00:18:55,835 Hmm. 415 00:19:09,179 --> 00:19:10,849 You know, Mrs. solis, 416 00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:15,624 um, I really like it when we hook up, 417 00:19:15,625 --> 00:19:17,326 but, um, 418 00:19:17,327 --> 00:19:18,887 well, you know, i-i got to get my work done, 419 00:19:18,888 --> 00:19:22,491 and I can't afford to lose this job. 420 00:19:22,492 --> 00:19:26,465 This table is hand-carved. 421 00:19:26,466 --> 00:19:27,866 Carlos had it imported from Italy. 422 00:19:27,867 --> 00:19:32,301 It cost him $23,000. 423 00:19:32,302 --> 00:19:35,504 You want to do it on the table this time? 424 00:19:35,505 --> 00:19:38,608 Absolutely. 425 00:19:52,822 --> 00:19:55,364 Why can't we ever have normal soup? 426 00:19:55,365 --> 00:19:57,226 Danielle, there is nothing abnormal 427 00:19:57,227 --> 00:19:58,297 about basil puree. 428 00:19:58,298 --> 00:19:59,728 Just once, 429 00:19:59,729 --> 00:20:02,271 couldn't we have a soup that people have heard of? 430 00:20:02,272 --> 00:20:04,273 Like French onion or Navy bean. 431 00:20:04,274 --> 00:20:07,306 First of all, your father can't eat onions. 432 00:20:07,307 --> 00:20:08,677 He's deathly allergic. 433 00:20:08,678 --> 00:20:10,239 And I won't even dignify your Navy bean suggestion. 434 00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:12,341 So... 435 00:20:12,342 --> 00:20:14,383 How's the osso buco? 436 00:20:14,384 --> 00:20:16,385 It's okay. 437 00:20:16,386 --> 00:20:17,586 It's okay? 438 00:20:17,587 --> 00:20:19,888 Andrew, I spent three hours cooking this meal. 439 00:20:19,889 --> 00:20:22,521 How do you think it makes me feel 440 00:20:22,522 --> 00:20:25,223 when you say "it's okay" in that sullen tone? 441 00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:27,357 Who asked you to spend three hours on dinner? 442 00:20:29,399 --> 00:20:31,861 Excuse me? 443 00:20:33,363 --> 00:20:35,404 Tim Harper's mom gets home from work, 444 00:20:35,405 --> 00:20:37,336 pops open a can of pork and beans, 445 00:20:37,337 --> 00:20:39,268 and boom, they're eating. Everyone's happy. 446 00:20:39,269 --> 00:20:41,410 You'd rather I serve pork and beans? 447 00:20:41,411 --> 00:20:43,312 Apologize now. I am begging. 448 00:20:43,313 --> 00:20:45,414 I'm saying, do you always have to serve cuisine? 449 00:20:45,415 --> 00:20:46,715 Can't we ever just have food? 450 00:20:46,716 --> 00:20:47,916 Are you doing drugs? What? 451 00:20:47,917 --> 00:20:49,718 Change in behavior is one of the warning signs, 452 00:20:49,719 --> 00:20:51,850 and you have been as fresh as paint 453 00:20:51,851 --> 00:20:53,852 for the last six months. 454 00:20:53,853 --> 00:20:55,253 That certainly would explain 455 00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:56,825 why you're always locked in the bathroom. 456 00:20:56,826 --> 00:20:58,457 Trust me, that is not what he is doing. 457 00:20:58,458 --> 00:21:00,459 Shut up. 458 00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:02,260 Mom, I'm not the one with the problem here, all right? 459 00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:03,632 You're the one always acting 460 00:21:03,633 --> 00:21:05,634 like she's running for mayor of Stepford. 461 00:21:05,635 --> 00:21:07,396 Rex. 462 00:21:07,397 --> 00:21:08,837 Seeing that you're the head of this household, 463 00:21:08,838 --> 00:21:11,741 I would really appreciate you saying something. 464 00:21:13,873 --> 00:21:15,745 Pass the salt? 465 00:21:31,861 --> 00:21:33,692 Mary Alice: Three days after my funeral, 466 00:21:33,693 --> 00:21:37,426 Lynette replaced her grief with a much more useful emotion... 467 00:21:37,427 --> 00:21:39,027 Indignation. 468 00:21:39,028 --> 00:21:40,899 Tom, this is my fifth message, 469 00:21:40,900 --> 00:21:42,901 and you still haven't called me back. 470 00:21:42,902 --> 00:21:45,434 Well, you must be having a lot of fun on your business trip. 471 00:21:45,435 --> 00:21:46,975 I can only imagine. 472 00:21:46,976 --> 00:21:48,477 Well, guess what... 473 00:21:48,478 --> 00:21:50,739 The kids and I want to have some fun, too, 474 00:21:50,740 --> 00:21:52,381 so unless you call me back by noon, 475 00:21:52,382 --> 00:21:53,942 we are getting on a plane and joining you. 476 00:21:53,943 --> 00:21:55,514 Mom! 477 00:21:55,515 --> 00:21:57,746 Not now, honey. Mommy's threatening daddy. 478 00:21:57,747 --> 00:21:59,618 Mom. no, I... 479 00:21:59,619 --> 00:22:01,820 Where are your brothers? 480 00:22:01,821 --> 00:22:03,893 Noodles... my favorite. 481 00:22:08,458 --> 00:22:11,930 Lynette Scavo? 482 00:22:11,931 --> 00:22:13,101 Crap. 483 00:22:13,102 --> 00:22:16,805 Natalie klein. I don't believe it. 484 00:22:16,806 --> 00:22:18,607 Lynette. how long has it been? 485 00:22:18,608 --> 00:22:20,338 Years. 486 00:22:20,339 --> 00:22:22,971 Uh, how are you? How's the firm? 487 00:22:22,972 --> 00:22:23,972 Good. 488 00:22:23,973 --> 00:22:25,374 Everyone misses you. 489 00:22:25,375 --> 00:22:27,115 Yeah. 490 00:22:27,116 --> 00:22:28,346 We all say if you hadn't quit, 491 00:22:28,347 --> 00:22:29,718 you'd be running the place by now. 492 00:22:29,719 --> 00:22:32,421 Yeah, well... 493 00:22:32,422 --> 00:22:33,722 So... 494 00:22:33,723 --> 00:22:36,625 How's domestic life? 495 00:22:36,626 --> 00:22:39,388 Don't you just love being a mom? 496 00:22:39,389 --> 00:22:40,959 And there it was... 497 00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:43,392 The question that Lynette always dreaded. 498 00:22:43,393 --> 00:22:45,394 Well, to be honest... 499 00:22:45,395 --> 00:22:49,898 For those who asked it, only one answer was acceptable, 500 00:22:49,899 --> 00:22:51,570 so Lynette responded as she always did. 501 00:22:51,571 --> 00:22:53,041 She lied. 502 00:22:53,042 --> 00:22:56,505 It's the best job I've ever had. 503 00:22:56,506 --> 00:22:58,046 [ People gasping ] 504 00:22:58,047 --> 00:22:59,979 Boy: oh, yeah. 505 00:23:02,612 --> 00:23:07,385 Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. 506 00:23:07,386 --> 00:23:08,887 You know what I don't get? 507 00:23:08,888 --> 00:23:09,918 What? 508 00:23:09,919 --> 00:23:12,061 Why you married Mr. solis. 509 00:23:15,495 --> 00:23:17,496 Well... 510 00:23:17,497 --> 00:23:21,069 He promised to give me everything I've ever wanted. 511 00:23:21,070 --> 00:23:23,031 And did he? 512 00:23:23,032 --> 00:23:25,504 Yes. 513 00:23:25,505 --> 00:23:28,437 Then why aren't you happy? 514 00:23:28,438 --> 00:23:33,512 Turns out I wanted all the wrong things. 515 00:23:33,513 --> 00:23:37,586 So do you love him? 516 00:23:37,587 --> 00:23:38,987 I do. 517 00:23:38,988 --> 00:23:41,490 Well, then, why are we here? 518 00:23:41,491 --> 00:23:42,821 Why are we doing this? 519 00:23:42,822 --> 00:23:45,093 Because I don't want to wake up one morning 520 00:23:45,094 --> 00:23:47,497 with a sudden urge to blow my brains out. 521 00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:53,502 Hey, can I have a drag? 522 00:23:53,503 --> 00:23:55,604 Absolutely not. 523 00:23:55,605 --> 00:23:58,007 You are much too young to smoke. 524 00:23:59,869 --> 00:24:02,471 Ah. how would you feel about me using 525 00:24:02,472 --> 00:24:04,613 your child-support payments for plastic surgery? 526 00:24:04,614 --> 00:24:05,914 Stop being so nervous. 527 00:24:05,915 --> 00:24:08,176 You're just asking him out to dinner. It's no big deal. 528 00:24:08,177 --> 00:24:10,619 You're right. 529 00:24:10,620 --> 00:24:12,851 So is that your project for school? 530 00:24:12,852 --> 00:24:14,923 You know, when I was in fifth grade, 531 00:24:14,924 --> 00:24:16,184 I made the white house out of sugar cubes. 532 00:24:16,185 --> 00:24:17,756 Stop stalling and go 533 00:24:17,757 --> 00:24:19,858 before Mike figures out he can do better. 534 00:24:19,859 --> 00:24:23,762 Tell me again why I fought for custody of you. 535 00:24:23,763 --> 00:24:25,894 You were using me to hurt dad. 536 00:24:25,895 --> 00:24:28,598 Oh, that's right. 537 00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:32,201 Oh, god. 538 00:24:39,749 --> 00:24:41,049 Hi. 539 00:24:41,050 --> 00:24:42,611 Hey, Susan. 540 00:24:42,612 --> 00:24:44,653 Are you busy? 541 00:24:44,654 --> 00:24:45,914 No, not at all. What's up? 542 00:24:45,915 --> 00:24:47,656 Well, I... 543 00:24:47,657 --> 00:24:50,088 I just, uh, was wondering if, um... 544 00:24:50,089 --> 00:24:54,092 If there was any chance that you, uh... 545 00:24:54,093 --> 00:24:58,997 I-i just wanted to ask if... 546 00:24:58,998 --> 00:25:01,630 Edie. 547 00:25:01,631 --> 00:25:02,801 Hey there, Susan. 548 00:25:02,802 --> 00:25:04,202 What are you... 549 00:25:04,203 --> 00:25:05,934 I was making ambrosia, and I made too much, 550 00:25:05,935 --> 00:25:08,107 so I thought I'd bring some over to Mike. 551 00:25:09,508 --> 00:25:10,709 What's going on? 552 00:25:10,710 --> 00:25:12,470 Uh, Susan was just going to ask me something. 553 00:25:18,588 --> 00:25:20,218 I have a clog. 554 00:25:20,219 --> 00:25:22,150 Excuse me? 555 00:25:22,151 --> 00:25:23,592 And you're a plumber, right? 556 00:25:23,593 --> 00:25:24,593 Yeah. 557 00:25:24,594 --> 00:25:26,154 The clog's in the pipe. 558 00:25:26,155 --> 00:25:28,156 Yeah, that's usually where they are. 559 00:25:28,157 --> 00:25:30,098 Well, I've got one. 560 00:25:30,099 --> 00:25:32,060 Oh, okay. Well, uh, let me get my tools. 561 00:25:32,061 --> 00:25:34,032 Now? you want to come over now? 562 00:25:34,033 --> 00:25:35,834 You have company. 563 00:25:35,835 --> 00:25:37,265 I don't mind. 564 00:25:37,266 --> 00:25:39,668 Yeah, just give me two minutes. 565 00:25:39,669 --> 00:25:40,770 I'll be right over. 566 00:25:50,049 --> 00:25:52,781 That's it. Just stuff the hair down there. 567 00:25:52,782 --> 00:25:54,583 I stuffed it. It's not enough to clog it. 568 00:25:54,584 --> 00:25:56,725 Here. okay, look. 569 00:25:56,726 --> 00:25:58,187 Put in this peanut butter. 570 00:26:00,289 --> 00:26:02,260 And this cooking oil. 571 00:26:02,261 --> 00:26:04,963 Mom... and these olives. 572 00:26:04,964 --> 00:26:06,835 Mom, I'm telling you, it's not working. 573 00:26:06,836 --> 00:26:07,836 [ Doorbell rings ] 574 00:26:07,837 --> 00:26:09,297 Oh, god. 575 00:26:09,298 --> 00:26:10,599 That's him. 576 00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:13,302 How am I going to stop up the sink? 577 00:26:20,610 --> 00:26:23,752 Well, here's your problem. 578 00:26:23,753 --> 00:26:25,013 Looks like somebody stuffed 579 00:26:25,014 --> 00:26:26,955 a bunch of popsicle sticks down here. 580 00:26:26,956 --> 00:26:30,218 I've told Julie a million times not to play in the kitchen. 581 00:26:30,219 --> 00:26:32,320 Kids, you know? 582 00:26:32,321 --> 00:26:34,293 Ha ha. 583 00:26:37,066 --> 00:26:39,097 All right, I'll go put in your orders, 584 00:26:39,098 --> 00:26:40,769 and I'll be right back with your drinks 585 00:26:40,770 --> 00:26:42,000 and your plates for the salad bar. 586 00:26:42,001 --> 00:26:43,331 Thank you. 587 00:26:43,332 --> 00:26:47,075 Andrew, Danielle, napkins? 588 00:26:47,076 --> 00:26:50,608 They have video games. 589 00:26:50,609 --> 00:26:53,011 Could we go play until our food gets here? 590 00:26:53,012 --> 00:26:54,813 Andrew, this is family time. 591 00:26:54,814 --> 00:26:57,286 I think that we should all go ahead and play. 592 00:27:06,125 --> 00:27:08,126 I know that you think I'm angry about coming here, 593 00:27:08,127 --> 00:27:09,658 but I'm not. 594 00:27:09,659 --> 00:27:11,329 You and the kids wanted a change of pace, 595 00:27:11,330 --> 00:27:12,901 something fun. 596 00:27:12,902 --> 00:27:14,632 I get it. 597 00:27:14,633 --> 00:27:16,665 Probably we'll want something healthier 598 00:27:16,666 --> 00:27:18,036 tomorrow night, though. 599 00:27:18,037 --> 00:27:19,968 I'm thinking about chicken saltimbocca. 600 00:27:19,969 --> 00:27:23,411 I want a divorce. 601 00:27:23,412 --> 00:27:28,016 I just can't live in this... 602 00:27:28,017 --> 00:27:30,348 This detergent commercial anymore. 603 00:27:30,349 --> 00:27:32,921 The salad bar's right over there. 604 00:27:32,922 --> 00:27:34,723 Help yourself. 605 00:27:34,724 --> 00:27:36,855 Thank you. 606 00:27:36,856 --> 00:27:42,231 Um, I think I'll go get your salad for you. 607 00:27:53,843 --> 00:27:56,104 Bree Van De Kamp. 608 00:27:56,105 --> 00:27:57,145 Oh. 609 00:27:57,146 --> 00:27:58,847 Hello, Mrs. Huber. 610 00:27:58,848 --> 00:28:01,850 We didn't get a chance to talk at Mary Alice's wake. 611 00:28:01,851 --> 00:28:03,882 How are you doing? 612 00:28:03,883 --> 00:28:06,454 Bree longed to share the truth 613 00:28:06,455 --> 00:28:09,718 about her husband's painful betrayal, 614 00:28:09,719 --> 00:28:11,089 but sadly for Bree, 615 00:28:11,090 --> 00:28:13,261 admitting defeat was not an option. 616 00:28:13,262 --> 00:28:14,923 Great. 617 00:28:14,924 --> 00:28:17,726 Everything is just great. 618 00:28:17,727 --> 00:28:19,968 Okay, well, I got you the honey mustard dressing. 619 00:28:19,969 --> 00:28:22,701 The ranch looked just a little bit suspect. 620 00:28:31,741 --> 00:28:34,442 Are we going to talk about what I said? 621 00:28:34,443 --> 00:28:35,884 If you think I'm going to discuss 622 00:28:35,885 --> 00:28:37,786 the dissolution of my marriage in a place 623 00:28:37,787 --> 00:28:39,848 where the restrooms are labeled "chicks" and "dudes," 624 00:28:39,849 --> 00:28:41,390 you're out of your mind. 625 00:28:43,753 --> 00:28:45,493 What's in this? 626 00:28:45,494 --> 00:28:47,756 What do you mean, what's in this? It's salad. 627 00:28:47,757 --> 00:28:49,828 [ Coughs ] with... with onions? 628 00:28:49,829 --> 00:28:50,999 What? 629 00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:52,801 You put onions in my salad. 630 00:28:52,802 --> 00:28:54,132 No, I didn't. 631 00:28:54,133 --> 00:28:55,765 [ Wheezes ] 632 00:28:57,436 --> 00:29:00,168 Oh, wait. 633 00:29:00,169 --> 00:29:03,112 [ Metallic scraping ] 634 00:29:08,417 --> 00:29:10,919 The sound that awakened my son 635 00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:12,750 was something he'd heard only once before, 636 00:29:12,751 --> 00:29:17,325 many years ago when he was quite young, 637 00:29:17,326 --> 00:29:21,330 but he recognized it instantly. 638 00:29:28,367 --> 00:29:31,470 It was the sound of a family secret. 639 00:29:56,525 --> 00:29:58,867 Mary Alice: Seven days after my funeral, 640 00:29:58,868 --> 00:30:03,201 life on Wisteria Lane finally returned to normal, 641 00:30:03,202 --> 00:30:05,274 which, for some of my friends... 642 00:30:06,876 --> 00:30:07,977 Was unfortunate. 643 00:30:09,508 --> 00:30:10,508 Mommy, mommy! 644 00:30:10,509 --> 00:30:12,580 Now what? 645 00:30:12,581 --> 00:30:14,142 Daddy's home! 646 00:30:14,143 --> 00:30:15,844 [ Boys cheering ] 647 00:30:15,845 --> 00:30:17,515 Ha ha. 648 00:30:17,516 --> 00:30:19,217 Hey, is anybody home? 649 00:30:19,218 --> 00:30:21,189 Hey! 650 00:30:21,190 --> 00:30:23,191 Hey. 651 00:30:23,192 --> 00:30:24,993 I wasn't expecting you for a week. 652 00:30:24,994 --> 00:30:27,525 I have to go back to frisco in the morning, 653 00:30:27,526 --> 00:30:29,527 but I got your call. You sounded a little frazzled. 654 00:30:29,528 --> 00:30:31,359 Yeah. 655 00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:32,861 It's been a little rough. 656 00:30:32,862 --> 00:30:34,462 Hi. yeah. Mmm, peaches. 657 00:30:34,463 --> 00:30:36,334 Daddy, did you bring us any presents? 658 00:30:36,335 --> 00:30:39,168 Oh, god, presents. Wait a minute. Let me see. 659 00:30:42,411 --> 00:30:45,573 Oh. [ boys cheer ] 660 00:30:45,574 --> 00:30:47,375 But I'm not going to give it to you 661 00:30:47,376 --> 00:30:49,277 unless you promise me to go outside right now 662 00:30:49,278 --> 00:30:51,319 and practice throwing it for 20 minutes, okay? 663 00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:52,881 You promise? 664 00:30:52,882 --> 00:30:55,023 Yeah, yeah, yeah! Get out of here. Go. 665 00:30:55,024 --> 00:30:58,856 Who's open? Go out! Deeper! Deeper! 666 00:30:58,857 --> 00:30:59,988 Touchdown! 667 00:30:59,989 --> 00:31:02,491 Oh, my god. Oh. 668 00:31:03,963 --> 00:31:04,963 Ha ha ha. 669 00:31:04,964 --> 00:31:06,434 Oh. 670 00:31:06,435 --> 00:31:08,866 Oh, you got to be kidding. 671 00:31:08,867 --> 00:31:10,939 I'm exhausted. I look terrible. 672 00:31:10,940 --> 00:31:12,600 I'm covered in peaches. 673 00:31:12,601 --> 00:31:14,642 That's all right, baby. I got to have you. 674 00:31:14,643 --> 00:31:18,246 Well, is it okay if I just lie here? 675 00:31:18,247 --> 00:31:21,349 Absolutely. ha ha. 676 00:31:21,350 --> 00:31:23,081 Ha ha ha. 677 00:31:23,082 --> 00:31:24,512 I love you. 678 00:31:24,513 --> 00:31:27,455 And I love you more. 679 00:31:27,456 --> 00:31:28,886 Oh, baby. 680 00:31:28,887 --> 00:31:30,188 Oh, wait, I got to tell you, 681 00:31:30,189 --> 00:31:31,319 I was having trouble with swelling, 682 00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:32,660 so the doctor took me off the pill, 683 00:31:32,661 --> 00:31:33,922 so you're just going to have to put on a condom. 684 00:31:33,923 --> 00:31:34,923 Condom? 685 00:31:34,924 --> 00:31:36,024 Yeah. 686 00:31:36,025 --> 00:31:37,425 What's the big deal? Let's risk it. 687 00:31:37,426 --> 00:31:39,367 Let's risk it? 688 00:31:39,368 --> 00:31:41,300 Yeah. 689 00:31:45,334 --> 00:31:47,236 Oh. [ groans ] 690 00:31:50,479 --> 00:31:52,510 I can't believe you tried to kill me. 691 00:31:52,511 --> 00:31:54,612 Yes, well, i feel badly about that. 692 00:31:54,613 --> 00:31:57,615 I told you, Mrs. Huber came over, and I got distracted. 693 00:31:57,616 --> 00:31:59,447 It was a mistake. 694 00:31:59,448 --> 00:32:00,688 Since when do you make mistakes? 695 00:32:00,689 --> 00:32:03,391 What's that supposed to mean? 696 00:32:03,392 --> 00:32:07,595 It means I'm sick of you being so damn perfect all the time. 697 00:32:07,596 --> 00:32:11,329 I-I'm sick of the bizarre way your hair doesn't move. 698 00:32:11,330 --> 00:32:13,361 I'm sick of you making our bed in the morning 699 00:32:13,362 --> 00:32:15,463 before I've even used the bathroom. 700 00:32:15,464 --> 00:32:18,136 You're this plastic suburban housewife 701 00:32:18,137 --> 00:32:19,667 with her pearls and her spatula 702 00:32:19,668 --> 00:32:23,212 who says things like "we owe the Hendersons a dinner." 703 00:32:25,644 --> 00:32:27,676 Where's the woman i fell in love with... 704 00:32:30,649 --> 00:32:32,280 Who used to burn the toast 705 00:32:32,281 --> 00:32:34,253 and drink milk out of the carton... 706 00:32:36,325 --> 00:32:38,327 And laugh? 707 00:32:40,629 --> 00:32:43,961 I need her. 708 00:32:43,962 --> 00:32:46,665 Not this cold, perfect thing you've become. 709 00:32:53,972 --> 00:32:55,474 These need water. 710 00:33:08,987 --> 00:33:11,259 Bree sobbed quietly in the restroom 711 00:33:11,260 --> 00:33:12,760 for five minutes, 712 00:33:12,761 --> 00:33:16,164 but her husband never knew, 713 00:33:16,165 --> 00:33:20,528 because when Bree finally emerged... 714 00:33:20,529 --> 00:33:24,773 She was perfect. 715 00:33:30,709 --> 00:33:32,740 I found my earrings. We can go now. 716 00:33:32,741 --> 00:33:34,242 Was John here today? 717 00:33:34,243 --> 00:33:36,744 Well, yeah. 718 00:33:36,745 --> 00:33:39,147 The lawn hasn't been mowed. 719 00:33:39,148 --> 00:33:40,388 I've had it. 720 00:33:40,389 --> 00:33:41,789 We're getting a real gardener. 721 00:33:41,790 --> 00:33:43,221 Why? are you deaf? 722 00:33:43,222 --> 00:33:45,753 I just said he's not doing his job. 723 00:33:45,754 --> 00:33:49,057 It's dark. You just can't see that the lawn has been mowed. 724 00:33:49,058 --> 00:33:50,758 It hasn't been. Feel this grass. 725 00:33:50,759 --> 00:33:52,029 I'm not feeling the grass. 726 00:33:52,030 --> 00:33:53,731 Let's just get going. Come on. 727 00:33:53,732 --> 00:33:55,104 We're late. 728 00:34:01,210 --> 00:34:03,472 Take care of it. Yes, sir. 729 00:34:09,318 --> 00:34:11,779 There's Tanaka. 730 00:34:11,780 --> 00:34:13,821 Time for me to go into my dance. 731 00:34:13,822 --> 00:34:15,154 Good luck, sweetheart. 732 00:34:18,757 --> 00:34:20,057 Oh, excuse me. Ma'am? 733 00:34:20,058 --> 00:34:22,690 You see that man who just walked away? 734 00:34:22,691 --> 00:34:24,762 Can you make sure he has a drink in his hand 735 00:34:24,763 --> 00:34:27,535 all night long? 736 00:34:27,536 --> 00:34:29,598 Yes, ma'am. 737 00:34:56,825 --> 00:34:58,127 Ooh! 738 00:35:03,702 --> 00:35:05,103 Ooh! 739 00:36:09,198 --> 00:36:11,269 Susan? 740 00:36:11,270 --> 00:36:12,870 Susan. 741 00:36:12,871 --> 00:36:14,442 Oh, Mrs. Huber, how you doing? 742 00:36:14,443 --> 00:36:15,703 Not too well, I'm afraid. 743 00:36:15,704 --> 00:36:18,546 I'm trying to find something to soothe my stomach. 744 00:36:18,547 --> 00:36:19,847 Oh, it's upset? 745 00:36:19,848 --> 00:36:21,178 Yeah. 746 00:36:21,179 --> 00:36:22,780 I had the worst macaroni and cheese at the wake. 747 00:36:22,781 --> 00:36:24,352 It's been running through me ever since. 748 00:36:24,353 --> 00:36:25,353 Oh. 749 00:36:25,354 --> 00:36:26,954 And I need to be at my best. 750 00:36:26,955 --> 00:36:29,517 Edie britt's son is spending the night tonight. 751 00:36:29,518 --> 00:36:32,220 He's spending the night? 752 00:36:32,221 --> 00:36:33,761 Apparently, Edie is having a gentleman friend 753 00:36:33,762 --> 00:36:35,223 over for dinner, 754 00:36:35,224 --> 00:36:37,194 and I think she plans on entertaining 755 00:36:37,195 --> 00:36:39,898 into the wee hours, if you know what I mean. 756 00:36:41,530 --> 00:36:42,970 Oh, here's some antacid. 757 00:36:42,971 --> 00:36:46,334 Have you ever tried this? 758 00:36:46,335 --> 00:36:47,675 I can't believe it. 759 00:36:47,676 --> 00:36:48,976 This can't be happening. 760 00:36:48,977 --> 00:36:51,739 Mike can't like Edie better than me. He just can't. 761 00:36:51,740 --> 00:36:53,210 You don't know what's going on. 762 00:36:53,211 --> 00:36:55,244 Maybe they're just having dinner. 763 00:36:56,245 --> 00:36:58,887 You're right. They're doing it. 764 00:37:12,501 --> 00:37:13,832 Edie? 765 00:37:25,414 --> 00:37:26,745 Edie? 766 00:37:32,681 --> 00:37:34,322 Hello? 767 00:37:34,323 --> 00:37:35,684 Anybody home? 768 00:37:38,957 --> 00:37:40,828 I need to borrow sugar. 769 00:37:40,829 --> 00:37:42,259 Marvin gaye: ♪ come on ♪ 770 00:37:42,260 --> 00:37:44,332 ♪ oh, come on ♪ 771 00:37:44,333 --> 00:37:45,633 ♪ whoo ♪ 772 00:37:45,634 --> 00:37:47,995 ♪ let's get it on ♪ 773 00:37:47,996 --> 00:37:51,268 ♪ ow, baby ♪ 774 00:37:51,269 --> 00:37:54,742 ♪ let's get it on ♪ 775 00:37:54,743 --> 00:37:56,944 ♪ let's love, baby ♪ 776 00:37:56,945 --> 00:37:57,945 ♪ let's get it on ♪ 777 00:37:57,946 --> 00:37:59,006 Edie: oh, my god. 778 00:37:59,007 --> 00:38:00,508 Oh, yes. 779 00:38:00,509 --> 00:38:02,410 Oh, my god. Give it to me. 780 00:38:02,411 --> 00:38:04,312 Mary Alice: And just like that, 781 00:38:04,313 --> 00:38:06,554 the possibility Susan had clung to, 782 00:38:06,555 --> 00:38:09,717 the maybe of Mike Delfino, 783 00:38:09,718 --> 00:38:13,891 was gone forever. 784 00:38:13,892 --> 00:38:16,364 And despite the precariousness of her situation, 785 00:38:16,365 --> 00:38:19,568 Susan took a moment to mourn her loss. 786 00:38:29,077 --> 00:38:30,938 [ Gasps ] 787 00:38:30,939 --> 00:38:32,009 Oh! 788 00:38:32,010 --> 00:38:34,042 Oh, my god. 789 00:38:38,917 --> 00:38:41,420 Oh! oh. 790 00:38:45,594 --> 00:38:49,026 It didn't take Susan long to realize 791 00:38:49,027 --> 00:38:51,859 this was just not her night. 792 00:38:51,860 --> 00:38:53,701 Edie: is somebody out there? 793 00:38:53,702 --> 00:38:55,633 [ Smoke detector beeping ] 794 00:38:55,634 --> 00:38:58,066 Oh, my god! That's smoke! 795 00:39:02,811 --> 00:39:04,071 [ Sirens wailing ] 796 00:39:04,072 --> 00:39:07,915 Woman on radio: Code 14, call firefighters 130, 92, 797 00:39:07,916 --> 00:39:11,620 scout 24, patrolman 42... 798 00:39:15,053 --> 00:39:18,386 Candles unattended in the den. 799 00:39:18,387 --> 00:39:21,028 Paramedics said she was lucky. She could have been killed. 800 00:39:21,029 --> 00:39:22,089 Oh. 801 00:39:22,090 --> 00:39:24,392 She ran out with nothing on. 802 00:39:24,393 --> 00:39:27,034 She was having sex with some guy when the fire started. 803 00:39:27,035 --> 00:39:29,066 What happened to him? 804 00:39:29,067 --> 00:39:31,599 He got smoke inhalation. He's at the hospital. 805 00:39:31,600 --> 00:39:34,402 Susan, are you all right? 806 00:39:34,403 --> 00:39:35,903 You look awful. 807 00:39:35,904 --> 00:39:37,805 I'm fine. I'm fine. 808 00:39:37,806 --> 00:39:39,747 I-i just, uh... 809 00:39:39,748 --> 00:39:43,411 Feel really bad for Edie. 810 00:39:43,412 --> 00:39:44,512 Oh, honey, don't worry about Edie. 811 00:39:44,513 --> 00:39:45,713 She's a strong lady. 812 00:39:45,714 --> 00:39:46,714 Absolutely. 813 00:39:46,715 --> 00:39:47,985 She'll get through this. 814 00:39:47,986 --> 00:39:49,917 She'll find a way to survive. 815 00:39:49,918 --> 00:39:52,390 We all do. 816 00:39:54,963 --> 00:39:56,124 Come on. 817 00:39:57,626 --> 00:40:00,798 Are you ready? 818 00:40:00,799 --> 00:40:04,772 She's lucky to be alive. 819 00:40:04,773 --> 00:40:07,476 All the other houses could have caught on fire. 820 00:40:14,142 --> 00:40:15,783 Wow, what happened? 821 00:40:15,784 --> 00:40:17,685 Mike. 822 00:40:17,686 --> 00:40:19,447 And suddenly, there he was, 823 00:40:19,448 --> 00:40:21,118 like a Phoenix rising from the ashes. 824 00:40:21,119 --> 00:40:24,091 I-i thought you were... 825 00:40:24,092 --> 00:40:25,923 Uh, where were you? 826 00:40:25,924 --> 00:40:27,825 I just got back from the movies. 827 00:40:27,826 --> 00:40:29,657 Edie had a fire, huh? 828 00:40:29,658 --> 00:40:31,098 Yeah. 829 00:40:31,099 --> 00:40:34,732 Yeah, but she's fine now. 830 00:40:34,733 --> 00:40:36,203 Everything's fine now. 831 00:40:36,204 --> 00:40:40,207 And just like that, Susan was happy. 832 00:40:40,208 --> 00:40:42,109 Life was suddenly full of... 833 00:40:42,110 --> 00:40:44,112 Possibilities. 834 00:40:49,478 --> 00:40:53,482 Not to mention a few unexpected surprises. 835 00:40:57,856 --> 00:40:58,856 Man: hello? 836 00:40:58,857 --> 00:40:59,927 Hey, it's me. 837 00:40:59,928 --> 00:41:01,188 Do you have anything yet? 838 00:41:01,189 --> 00:41:03,731 No. no, nothing yet, but don't worry. 839 00:41:03,732 --> 00:41:06,464 I'm definitely getting closer. 840 00:41:14,242 --> 00:41:16,544 Susan: I brought some champagne. 841 00:41:16,545 --> 00:41:18,205 I thought we should have a toast. 842 00:41:18,206 --> 00:41:20,477 The next day, my friends came together 843 00:41:20,478 --> 00:41:23,881 to pack away my clothes, my personal belongings, 844 00:41:23,882 --> 00:41:26,515 and what was left of my life. 845 00:41:28,517 --> 00:41:30,718 All right, ladies, lift 'em up. 846 00:41:30,719 --> 00:41:31,989 To Mary Alice... 847 00:41:31,990 --> 00:41:33,891 A good friend and neighbor. 848 00:41:33,892 --> 00:41:36,063 Wherever you are, we hope you've found peace. 849 00:41:36,064 --> 00:41:37,064 Bree: to Mary Alice. 850 00:41:37,065 --> 00:41:39,097 To Mary Alice. 851 00:41:45,503 --> 00:41:47,575 Let's get this show on the road. 852 00:41:47,576 --> 00:41:50,207 You guys check out Mary Alice's clothes? 853 00:41:50,208 --> 00:41:52,239 Size 8? Ha. 854 00:41:52,240 --> 00:41:54,542 She always told me she was a size 6. 855 00:41:54,543 --> 00:41:56,513 Guess we found the skeleton in her closet. 856 00:41:56,514 --> 00:41:58,986 Not quite, Gabrielle. Not quite. 857 00:41:58,987 --> 00:42:00,548 What's that? 858 00:42:00,549 --> 00:42:02,519 It's a letter addressed to Mary Alice. 859 00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:03,921 How ironic... 860 00:42:03,922 --> 00:42:06,754 To have something I tried so desperately to keep secret 861 00:42:06,755 --> 00:42:08,726 treated so casually. 862 00:42:08,727 --> 00:42:10,527 What are you doing? That's private. 863 00:42:10,528 --> 00:42:12,160 It's open. What's the big deal? 864 00:42:24,242 --> 00:42:25,843 What does this mean? 865 00:42:25,844 --> 00:42:27,244 I don't know, but check out the postmark. 866 00:42:27,245 --> 00:42:30,547 Oh, my god. She got it the day she died. 867 00:42:30,548 --> 00:42:33,621 Do you think this is why she... 868 00:42:33,622 --> 00:42:36,553 I'm so sorry, girls. 869 00:42:36,554 --> 00:42:39,187 I never wanted you to be burdened with this. 870 00:42:40,889 --> 00:42:44,232 Oh, Mary Alice, what did you do? 59828

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.