All language subtitles for MASH [7x20] - CAVE

[O.R. Chatter]

[Indistinct Chatter]

Bigelow? Give Lovett
another unit of whole blood...

- and keep your eye on that drainage, okay?
- Yes, Doctor.

- Do you get off at dawn?
- Yes, Doctor.

Same here. You wanna meet in
the supply tent and take stock of each other?

- Absolutely not, Doctor.
- A simple "yes" would've sufficed.

- Hey, Hawk?
- Yes?

Give me a hand here, will ya?
Hold this tension.

When are you gonna learn
to pull your own weight around here?

Just be a second.
He used to work on a chain gang.

[Explosion]

- Shelling?
- Couldn't be. The angels are bowling.

Sounded like one
of our 105s.

- [Explosion]
- How do you know?

- I'm in the army.
- [Explosions Continue]

That one's coming
from the other direction.

Great. We're in a cross fire.
Hurry up.

[All Chattering]

All right. Take it easy.
I'm sure they don't mean it.

- We're safe as long as they keep aiming at us.
- How about some coffee?

- Good idea. I'm getting sleepy.
- [Explosion]

- Nothing to worry about. Happens all the time.
- Yeah, this'll all blow over.

Reassuring.
Very reassuring.

- What the hell's going on?
- And from every direction.

Shut up, both of you.
I'm trying to raise "l" Corps.

- Should we tell him he doesn't
have a phone in his hand?
- You don't have a phone.

[Klinger Shouting]
Hello? "I'"Corps? Just a second.!

- Here, sir.
- You got room for two more?

No. I'm wearing a full skirt.

Hello. Colonel Sherman Potter.
Get me the Artillery Fire Direction Center.

- [Explosions Continuing]
- Yeah, I guess you could call this an emergency!

- We surrender already!
- If I had a stick with
a white handkerchief, I'd show them.

- Maybe if we stood on the roof
and put up our hands.
- Hello, Major?

Colonel Sherman Potter,
MASH 4077.

Stop the shelling! Stop it! Stop it!
You gotta reason with them.

Colonel, we're running three
different battles here. I don't have time to chat.

You're where? Ouijongbu?

Yes! We're engaging a Chinese battery
two miles south.

You're what? You can't be.

4077 th MASH
is 12 miles to the east.

In your hat. We were there
for two days three weeks ago.

'Cause we're mobile, that's why.
What do you think the big "M" stands for?

Did you forget to file your DOA-63/ A,
notifying H.Q. About that?

Major... and I'm using that title
for the moment... we are in your line of fire!

- Tell him money is no object.
- Let's assume you made a mistake
and you are out there.

According to procedure,
I need to know you're you.

Authenticate a Victor Zulu
according to the S.O.I.

- Klinger, where's the code book?
- It's not under here.

- Find it. Find it.
- [Explosions Continue]

Radar's got nothing in here but National
Geographics about Tahiti and New Guinea.

Yeah? Take 'em back
to the Swamp.

- What about "Signal Operating Instructions"?
- S.O.I.! That's it!

[Loud Explosion]

Victor..."Victor Mature.

Victor Zulu."
Victor Zulu.

And I respond, uh,
"Eskimo Pie."

Sorry.
That is incorrect.

Obviously, you have
a superseded code book, Colonel Potter...

if that's who you are.

What do you mean, "if that's who you are"?
Look, you dunderhead.

I'm me! But I'm not gonna
be me much longer...

if you don't squirt the battle
in another direction!

I'm sorry, Colonel. Without
the proper authorization response...

we have no way
of knowing who you are.

If you are one of us,
get out of there; you're in danger.

And if you're one of them...

stay right where you are,
and we'll get to you, comrade.

[Explosions Continue]

He thinks I'm Chinese.

- I don't see it myself.
- Why don't we call the people
doing the actual shooting?

- That could be anybody.
- This whole thing is probably
over somebody's wife.

I'll call General Imbrie.
He knows my voice. He'll identify me.

[Klinger] I'm way ahead of you,
Colonel. There's only one thing wrong.

- The phone's kaput.
- [All Complaining]

We gotta do something.
We're sitting in a future crater.

- A senior staff meeting in
the Mess Tent in five minutes.
- Last one there is a dead duck.

- I'm coming with you!
- [Loud Explosion]

Then again,
why do you need me?

Well, folks, the way I see it,
we're in the middle of a boxing ring...

between two
blindfolded fighters.

What you are saying, Colonel, in your
inimitably folksy style, is that we are doomed.

- It sounded so much better when he said it.
- [Loud Explosion]

- Now there's a wicked left hook.
- Sorry I'm late.

I forgot where I'd put my steel pot.

Then I remembered I used it
to plant azaleas. It still smells of mulch.

But, as they say,
any pot in a storm.

What a wonderful pun. You can
replant those azaleas on my grave.

Oh, I'm sure He'll protect us.

- Here, Father. Sit by me.
- Thank you.

- Padre, I was just saying
our situation looks desperate...
- Right.

- But not hopeless.
- Wrong.

Apparently, neither side
knows we're here.

A major move under these conditions
would be more dangerous than staying...

but there's no time
to dig bunkers.

Now tell us the bad news.

I've done some checking,
and we do have an alternative.

- Dig a hole and come up in Kansas.
- Actually, you're not far off.

- California?
- About a half mile west of here...

there's an abandoned cave that
the North Koreans used as an aid station.

A cave? There must be
a better place than a cave.

- I think it's a brilliant idea. Let's go.
- We'll be under some cover.

- Exactly. Let's go!
- Wait a minute.

- We can't get everybody in there.
- I believe we can.

It'll be a tight fit, but if we just take
the bare necessities, we should make it.

- We'll enter according to rank, sir. Let's go.
- Just a second.

- You want to move patients
to a damp cave with no heat?
- We'll take a few space heaters.

Just moving them is risky. I got a chest case
in there, just came out of O.R.

Fine. You stay here
with your patient.

I'm sure he'll be very grateful
when the shells start falling around you.

Hold it. Listen.

There. See? They stopped.
No problem. We stay here.

- [Loud Explosion]
- That's it. We move.

- [All Chattering]
- [Hawkeye] Wait a second...

[Margaret] Take out the I.V. Before you
load him up. It's gonna be crowded in there.

Kellye? Come on. If we miss this ride,
we'll have to thumb.

Doctor? There's still a fair amount
of bloody drainage.

Could be a small bleeder.
I'll check him on the bus.

Enjoy the ride, kid! It's the only way to see
Korea. Help you across the street, ma'am?

I'm used to it. I got my family
through nine evictions.

This neighborhood's
certainly falling apart.

Wait a minute. Put him down.
I'm losing tension.

Easy. We'll get you out of here. We're gonna
have to rig up something so he can travel.

- Doc...
- Just take it easy, O'Malley. We're working on it.

- How about a couple of crutches?
- Not for a couple of months.

You could set 'em on either side
and use it as a splint.

Then tie the ends together, use it
as a fulcrum, and then adjust the tension.

Yeah. Yeah,
that should work.

Sort of like a Thomas splint. You're really
something. Is there anything you don't know?

Yeah, how to duck.

[Explosions Continue]

- Is that it?
- Yeah, unless we left the bathtub running.

I've been thinking. It might be worth it to
leave somebody here to keep an eye on the place.

These caves have been around
for centuries. They're perfectly safe.

It wouldn't be any trouble. I'll surround myself
with sandbags, say "Who goes there?" a lot.

We're going to the cave.
Get on.

- [Explosions Continue]
- Transfer, please.

All right, Klinger.
Turn it over.

You mind if I put the top up, sir?
It might deflect the shells.

- Nah, it's too nice an evening.
- Wagons ho!

- [Engine Starts]
- Wait! Stop! Klinger, stop that jeep!

- Where do you think you're going?
- He was about to leave without you, sad sack.

Drop that junk and get in.

Junk? These are my barest necessities.
I'm not leaving without them.

- Drive on, Klinger.
- Klinger!

Wait!

Aaah!

[Distant Explosions]

[Margaret]
Come on.! Come on.! Let's go.! Hurry.!

- Let's go.! Let's go.! Step it up, huh?
- Be careful.

Okay. Go.

Extra blankets
for every patient.

It's all rock here,
and everything's wet.

There you go.
Got it, got it.

Oh, yeah, there's home.
Just how I pictured it... a vine-covered hole.

- How's it doing, O'Malley?
- Feels fine. Not much pain.

Lucky for him
he was around to help himself.

It looks awfully low in there.

Come on. I need help
setting up a pulley inside.

- I'll stay out here and direct traffic.
- You okay?

I'm fine.
Why do you ask?

- I've just never seen you this brave before.
- No, I'm fine, really.

Save me a stalagmite.

- Anything left out here?
- Just me.

Before I go in, I demand
you send out a patrol to rescue my wardrobe.

Into the cave
with the rest of the bats.

- All right, Pierce. Everyone's in. Let's go.
- Uh-huh.

[Explosions Continue]

Here I am, going in.

And here I am, coming out.

- Pierce, what are you doin'?
- Do you have anything in a larger size?

Son, I don't know what's gotten into you,
but as your commander...

I can't go in until you go in,
so in you go.

I don't think so. I don't breathe too well
in there. Know what I mean?

Claustrophobia?

[Exhales]
Ever since I was a kid.

People used to think I kept my clothes
in a pile because I was a slob.

It's just that I couldn't step
into a walk-in closet.

I know there's plenty of air in there
and the walls aren't gonna cave in...

but that's what's gonna happen,
so let's just forget it.

I wish I'd known before, but I don't know
what else we could've done.

What else was there to do?
I couldn't jeopardize the unit...

on account of my stupid fears,
which happen to be real.

Easy now. Nobody's gonna
force you to do what you can't do.

If you have to stay outside, then keep close
to the entrance, where it's a little safer.

- All right?
- All right.

- All right.
- All right.

[Explosions Continue]

[Incoming Shells]

[Loud Explosion]

Hi, honey! I'm home!

[Explosions Continue]

Hello. Just stay calm.

Everybody make room
for each other.

Breathe slowly.
Save some air for the next person.

I'm sure there's plenty
for everybody.

Don't panic just 'cause
the walls are closing in.

Make a hole.
Comin' through.

Hello, Hawkeye.
Kind of cozy, isn't it? Excuse me.

- Father, whatever you're going out for, I'll get it.
- I wasn't going out.

- I'll get it anyway.
- [Potter] Make room. Make room.

Oh, you made it inside. Proud of you.
How're you holding up?

- Fine. Great. Fantastic. Get me outta here.
- What's the matter?

- He's got a little claustrophobia.
- Oh, dear.

Well, you shouldn't be here.

Father, you have a real grasp of the obvious.
May I be excused?

- Right. Comin' through!
- Right. Let him through!

I'm gettin' out
and goin' for coffee!

- [Explosions Continue]
- Easy, son. Easy.

- We need a sentry here anyway.
- It'll be all right, Hawkeye.

If you'd like to talk about it,
I'm working down at the other end.

- Uh... Oh, well.
- Right now I just need a little room, okay?

Ah-ha.

Nice of the North Koreans
to leave us this hook.

- They probably used it for the same thing.
- Don't be silly.

They used it to hang themselves
after spending an hour in here.

This cave is a terrible idea.

One direct hit on the entrance,
we'll be sealed in here for eternity.

A little louder,
you could start a stampede.

- I haven't even mentioned the dampness.
- Don't.

Oh, sure.
You don't have sinus trouble.

I hope you're not subject
to pneumonia, because that's next.

When they finally find our skeletons,
they won't be able to tell who's who...

because the dog tags
will all be rusted over.

Listen, Gloom Hilda, will you keep it down.
There are a lot of frightened people here.

And I'm one of them,
so I will say what I please.

I don't think you need
the other sandbag.

- What?
- The second sandbag...

it's too much weight.

I checked the X-ray. I want more tension
on the leg. The weight is perfect.

Fine. Fine. Brilliant.

Too bad it's all academic.
We're gonna be buried in here anyway.

I know we're in kind of a tough spot
here. Nerves are a little raw.

People are kind of anxious.

Make one more doomsday remark,
you're gonna need splints for all your teeth.

To answer you in your own
dead-end parlance, "Youse and whom else?"

- Just "mese."
- You know, these modern caves
have terrific acoustics.

You can hear everything
10 times. So shut up.

- I still say this cave is a terrible idea.
- [Potter] I heard that.

[Explosions Continue]

- Hi, Lovett.
- Where did they get you?

Don't talk like that
to your blood bank.

How do my corpuscles feel,
by the way? Warm, I bet.

- I'm a warm-blooded guy. My desert heritage.
- How much do I need?

Don't worry.
Whatever it is, I can spare it.

Besides, there's more
where I came from.

Father Mulcahy and Major Winchester
have the same type blood as me...

except one's a little purer
and one's a little bluer.

How's it going, Klinger?

I was just telling Lovett here that
you and me have the same blood type.

That is not funny, Klinger.

It's in the records.

Ironic, huh? Us two,
brothers under the skin?

That's as demoralizing a thought
as I have ever encountered.

Klinger, stop talking
to the patient, please.

It's bad enough he has to have you
in his veins, let alone his ears.

[Quietly]
Some brother.

[Winchester]
I heard that.

[Explosions Continue]

- Where are you going?
- Down to the corner
to buy a paper and a larger room.

No, no, no.
Stay here. Come on.

I'll sit with you.

- Do you believe in reincarnation?
- What?

Looking in there makes me think of
all the things I wouldn't want to come back as...

a snail, an oyster, a turtle.

[Chuckles]
Can you imagine me as a turtle?

Afraid to get
into my own shell.

I'd die of embarrassment, all the other turtles
laughing at me in my underwear.

[Sighs] I wish I was strong
and brave like you.

Ha! That's a laugh.

As much as you want to get out of this cave,
that's how much I want to stay in.

Oh? You like suffocation?

With you, it's closed-in places.

With me, it's loud noises.

I've always been oversensitive
to them.

- Trains, a car backfiring...
- [Loud Explosion]

Shellfire. I hate shellfire.

- So, naturally, you joined the army.
- To be a nurse.

Every time a shell goes off, I have to
practically nail my feet to the floor...

to keep myself
from running away.

- [Loud Explosion]
- Don't worry about that. That wasn't close.

- [Louder Explosion]
- Now, that's close.

I can't leave you two
in the backseat of anything.

We're just sitting under the rockets' red glare,
sharing our favorite unreasonable fears.

I see it hasn't helped.

- This probably won't either, but at least it's warm.
- Here.

- Thanks.
- This is every nightmare I've ever had coming true.

The shelling can't last much longer.

- We'll be out of here soon.
- What do you mean?

There's all that surplus ammo
from World War II they haven't used yet.

- I don't know how much more of this I can stand.
- You'll stand it as long as I do.

Thank heavens none of us
has to stand it alone.

I know, and that's a great comfort,
as long as I'm sitting near an opening.

Hawkeye, Private Lovett's
blood pressure's dropping.

- Stay put. I'll get it.
- Thanks.

No. Wait a minute. I'm a doctor,
and he's my patient. Let me try.

- A-Are you sure?
- Of course not.

Stay with me,
but not too close.

You don't feel it, do you?

Pulse rapid.

Skin clammy.

I don't know who's whiter...
him or me.

Excuse me.

- Hawk, we're gonna have to go back in.
- But it's dark in there.

Yeah, I know. He's bleeding
into his belly. It's out of control.

[Panting]

- Oh!
- Pump the rest of that blood in, fast.

Hawk, I'll take care of it.

It's gonna be awfully tough finding
a bleeder at the bottom of that well...

with no generator, no suction...

and, as an extra added attraction,
no anesthesia.

I know. But I know
a place where we got all that stuff.

- So do I. I'm the closest one to it.
- Are you sure?

- You're not exactly yourself.
- I will be as long as I stay out of there.

- At least I'll have something real to be afraid of.
- You know best.

- I'll tell Potter.
- I'm gonna need one of your nurses.

- I'll get my helmet.
- Margaret, stay here. It's a lot quieter.

I know, I know. I'm crazy
and I'll probably never forgive myself.

But I'm also the head nurse. And I'll
be damned if I'll send someone else out there...

to face what terrifies me.

You're a better nurse
than I am, Gunga Din.

- [Loud Explosions]
- [Sighs]

Keep those headlights off,
and don't rush to get back there.

Above all, if the shelling
gets too close, pull off the road.

Don't tell me. Tell Margaret.
She's driving.

Not too fast. I want
to read the Burma Shave signs.

Good luck to both of you.
What you're doing takes a lot of guts.

- And no brains.
- Don't pick up any hitchhikers.

- Can we just get outta here?
- Thanks for a wonderful evening.
We'll have you over real soon.

Remember, keep the helmets on
and the lights off.

Be careful.

[Distant Explosion]

- More suction. I can't see.
- Suction.

[Incoming Shell,
Loud Explosion]

- Sounds like they're getting closer.
- Keep that suction coming.

- [Explosion]
- I swear they're getting closer.

- I think I found the bleeder. Retractor.
- Retractor.

You're doing fine.
Now, just let go of it.

Okay. Pull that back.

You know, with Klinger
and Mulcahy's blood in him...

this kid'll wake up
singing "Ave Maria" in Lebanese.

That was supposed to be funny.
You're not helping me by not laughing.

- There's nothing funny about any of this.
- All right. Okay, okay.

Let's try something else...
a game... 20 Questions.

- You're crazy.
- No. It works.

My father used to play that with us
when we went on family drives.

Kept our minds
off throwing up.

Okay. You think of somebody famous,
living or dead, and I have to guess who it is.

I can't play any games.

- Think of somebody.
- Winston Churchill.

Don't tell me. Think of somebody else,
and keep it to yourself.

[Explosion]

- You got somebody?
- No.

Well, get somebody. Boy,
you are really lousy at this game.

- All right, all right. I'm ready.
- Okay.

Now, first question.

- Are you busy Saturday night?
- [Sighs] What?

I guess that rules me out.

- [Loud Explosion]
- [Screams]

- Is he a she, or is she a he?
- She's a woman.

All right. It's either
Eleanor Roosevelt or Marilyn Monroe.

- This is stupid.
- [Explosion]

Stop! Give me another question.

- Is she living or dead?
- [Explosion]

That's a dumb question.
Is she vegetable or mineral?

- Are you gonna play or not?
- All right, all right.

- She's dead.
- Dead. Uh, uh, more than a hundred years?

- Yes.
- 500?

- Yes.
- Boy, she must look awful.

Is she married?

- Wait a minute.
- Separated?

- No, shh! Listen.
- Come on, Margaret. We're doing so well.

No, no. Listen.

It's stopped.
The shelling's stopped.

Hold on. They may just be
reloading the cotton in their ears.

No, no, no. It's over.

We made it.

Boy, we are really brave.

Yeah. Well, let's just
keep thinking that. [Panting]

Um...

Joan of Arc.

How did you know?

It's easy. Who else would you be
thinking of in the last five minutes?

[Both Laughing]

[Vehicle Approaching]

[Brakes Squeal]

[Potter] Look for pierce and Houlihan.
Careful, careful.!

[All Chattering]

- Easy through the doorway.
- Sir, there's life, barely.

- I don't know about them, but he's okay.
- Aw, let 'em sleep.

They deserve it.

[Chatter Continues]

- They're home.
- Oh, good.

- We better help.
- [Hawkeye] Right.

[Moans]