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1
00:00:28,113 --> 00:00:29,698
All right, Suzie. Ready?
2
00:00:29,823 --> 00:00:32,659
Just move a little bit that way, darlin'.
That's it.
3
00:00:32,784 --> 00:00:35,370
Okay. After four.
4
00:00:35,495 --> 00:00:37,539
One, two, three, four.
5
00:00:38,748 --> 00:00:40,041
Stretch!
6
00:00:42,669 --> 00:00:44,087
Yeah!
7
00:00:45,130 --> 00:00:46,381
Round! Stretch!
8
00:00:47,549 --> 00:00:50,427
♪ You make me feel so happy
9
00:00:50,552 --> 00:00:54,723
- That's a good girl, Lucy.
- ♪ You make me feel so good
10
00:00:54,848 --> 00:00:58,309
- ♪ You make me feel like dancing
- One, two, three, stretch.
11
00:00:58,435 --> 00:01:01,938
- One, two, three. One, two, three, four.
- ♪ And I'm losing control
12
00:01:02,063 --> 00:01:05,775
- Round! Smile!
- ♪ You make me feel electric...
13
00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:07,944
And one, two, cha-cha.
14
00:01:08,069 --> 00:01:11,656
One, two, cha-cha-cha.
Very good.
15
00:01:11,781 --> 00:01:15,452
Doing well. And again.
One, two, three, stretch!
16
00:01:15,577 --> 00:01:17,620
One, two, three, four.
17
00:01:17,746 --> 00:01:21,124
- ♪ Happy, happy, happy holidays...
- Get your legs up!
18
00:01:21,249 --> 00:01:23,293
Stretch right up.
19
00:01:23,418 --> 00:01:26,963
Like you're stretching for sweets
on the top shelf. Cha-cha-cha.
20
00:01:30,383 --> 00:01:33,636
Very good.
Come on. One, two.
21
00:01:33,762 --> 00:01:37,974
Whoo!
Come on, enjoy yourselves.
22
00:01:39,559 --> 00:01:42,187
Right.
Hands on your hips like that.
23
00:01:42,312 --> 00:01:45,106
Yeah, that's it.
And the other one.
24
00:01:45,231 --> 00:01:48,526
Now wave with both hands. Right?
25
00:01:50,069 --> 00:01:51,613
That's it.
26
00:01:51,738 --> 00:01:54,407
Very good. Come on, Laurie.
You can be leader now.
27
00:01:54,532 --> 00:01:56,743
Right out here.
Keep to the edges. That's right.
28
00:01:56,868 --> 00:01:58,870
Let's have a bit
of a bum swing from you.
29
00:01:58,995 --> 00:02:01,664
Above your heads.
Come on. Hands up.
30
00:02:02,874 --> 00:02:05,043
Swing those bums. That's it.
31
00:02:05,168 --> 00:02:07,712
And you're doing that,
cleaning your mum's windows.
32
00:02:07,837 --> 00:02:10,799
All right? And then you see
your best friend,
33
00:02:10,924 --> 00:02:14,302
so you're shouting out,
"Hi, it's me! I'm here!"
34
00:02:14,427 --> 00:02:18,014
- Say, "Hi! Hi!"
- Hi!
35
00:02:18,139 --> 00:02:20,558
- Say, "It's me!"
- It's me!
36
00:02:20,683 --> 00:02:22,477
- "I'm here!"
- I'm here!
37
00:02:22,602 --> 00:02:26,189
- "Gimme a five-pound note!"
- Gimme a five-pound note!
38
00:02:26,314 --> 00:02:29,734
- "I wanna go spend it on sweets!"
- I wanna go spend it on sweets!
39
00:02:29,859 --> 00:02:33,196
I thought that'd get you smiling.
I thought you'd like that.
40
00:02:33,321 --> 00:02:35,490
Come on, who's gonna be
the leader now, then?
41
00:02:35,615 --> 00:02:38,785
Right, come on, then.
Time to go home.
42
00:02:39,702 --> 00:02:42,705
Not too much of a rush.
I don't want you tripping over.
43
00:02:42,831 --> 00:02:45,792
Right, get your coats
and shoes outside as usual.
44
00:02:45,917 --> 00:02:48,461
Do you want to put
your little cardigan on, Suzie?
45
00:02:48,586 --> 00:02:50,588
Put it on, cos you might
get a little chill.
46
00:02:50,713 --> 00:02:53,174
Got your sleeves inside out.
Get your coats, now!
47
00:02:53,299 --> 00:02:55,885
If you can't reach your bags,
I'll get them down.
48
00:02:56,010 --> 00:02:58,930
Put your cardie on.
Hope your headache's better soon.
49
00:02:59,055 --> 00:03:01,641
- All right, bye, darlin'.
- My bag's next door.
50
00:03:01,766 --> 00:03:04,018
Your bag's next door?
All right, don't worry.
51
00:03:04,143 --> 00:03:05,770
Whose is the green coat?
52
00:03:19,826 --> 00:03:21,828
- Innit hot?
- Gorgeous.
53
00:03:24,038 --> 00:03:26,916
Tell you what, Andy,
you're lucky I'm not in the hospital.
54
00:03:27,041 --> 00:03:28,251
What?
55
00:03:29,669 --> 00:03:31,963
That door swung back,
nearly took me leg off again.
56
00:03:32,088 --> 00:03:33,965
- It's the hinge, innit?
- Yeah.
57
00:03:34,090 --> 00:03:37,677
- It's that catch. It's gone.
- I'll have a look at it later.
58
00:03:37,802 --> 00:03:39,387
It's lethal.
59
00:03:40,430 --> 00:03:42,765
Oh, I wish you'd do something
with this porch.
60
00:03:42,891 --> 00:03:45,310
- I will do.
- It's embarrassing!
61
00:03:45,435 --> 00:03:47,228
Just got to get the rest
of the timber.
62
00:03:47,353 --> 00:03:49,355
Andy, you've been saying that
for two years.
63
00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:51,983
Take these boards up to here,
bang a trellis on the outside,
64
00:03:52,108 --> 00:03:55,486
slap white paint on it, get some
creepers growing, it'll look lovely.
65
00:03:55,612 --> 00:03:57,989
I don't want trellis.
It'll look like a Chinese restaurant.
66
00:03:58,114 --> 00:03:59,782
- That'll be nice.
- Hello!
67
00:03:59,908 --> 00:04:02,368
- Shut that door. It's freezing.
- You've finished, have you?
68
00:04:02,493 --> 00:04:04,913
- No, I'm still in the bath.
- Wouldn't surprise me.
69
00:04:05,038 --> 00:04:06,956
- Made a mess, have you?
- No!
70
00:04:07,081 --> 00:04:09,167
- No!
- Oh, hello.
71
00:04:10,376 --> 00:04:12,128
- All right?
- Where you been?
72
00:04:12,253 --> 00:04:13,755
- Town.
- Hello, Nat.
73
00:04:13,880 --> 00:04:16,090
- What you been doing?
- Shopping.
74
00:04:19,969 --> 00:04:22,764
- Want a little sandwich, Andy?
- Yeah. What you got?
75
00:04:22,889 --> 00:04:24,807
- Cheesie-toastie?
- Lovely.
76
00:04:24,933 --> 00:04:27,936
I've still got me glasses on.
Thought I was going blind.
77
00:04:28,061 --> 00:04:29,979
- Here you are.
- Ta-da! Chocolate!
78
00:04:30,104 --> 00:04:31,689
- You're a chocoholic.
- You are.
79
00:04:31,814 --> 00:04:33,483
I could give it up tomorrow,
no trouble.
80
00:04:33,608 --> 00:04:34,984
- You want coffee?
- No, thanks.
81
00:04:35,109 --> 00:04:36,569
Please.
82
00:04:36,694 --> 00:04:38,613
- Want a little sandwich, Nat?
- Yeah.
83
00:04:38,738 --> 00:04:40,823
- You want a pickle?
- Course I want pickle.
84
00:04:40,949 --> 00:04:43,451
Gonna get out there this afternoon,
finish off that patio.
85
00:04:43,576 --> 00:04:46,996
- Don't give me a heart attack!
- I will. Make a start.
86
00:04:47,121 --> 00:04:48,581
- What you get, Nat?
- A shirt.
87
00:04:48,706 --> 00:04:49,707
- This it?
- Yeah.
88
00:04:49,832 --> 00:04:51,960
- Can I have a look?
- If you want to.
89
00:04:52,919 --> 00:04:54,879
- It's nice.
- It's all right, innit?
90
00:04:55,004 --> 00:04:57,507
- Yeah.
- Why do you always get a man's?
91
00:04:57,632 --> 00:05:00,343
- Cos I like 'em.
- Suits me. Thanks a lot, Nat.
92
00:05:00,468 --> 00:05:02,345
- Funny man.
- It's not for me?
93
00:05:02,470 --> 00:05:06,599
- No, it's not for you.
- Shame. Thought me luck had changed.
94
00:05:06,724 --> 00:05:09,268
You should get a nice blouse.
Short sleeves.
95
00:05:09,394 --> 00:05:11,145
- Show yourself off a bit.
- Shut up.
96
00:05:11,270 --> 00:05:13,815
- Well?
- Don't listen to her.
97
00:05:28,621 --> 00:05:30,540
Nat? Did you get me those fags?
98
00:05:30,665 --> 00:05:32,458
- No.
- Why not?
99
00:05:32,583 --> 00:05:34,669
I told you, you wanna smoke,
get your own fags.
100
00:05:34,794 --> 00:05:37,714
- Well, could you lend me some money?
- How much?
101
00:05:37,839 --> 00:05:39,841
- A tenner.
- What's it for?
102
00:05:39,966 --> 00:05:41,968
- All right, a fiver.
- What do you want it for?
103
00:05:42,093 --> 00:05:44,887
- Mind your own business.
- Suit yourself.
104
00:05:45,013 --> 00:05:47,807
- You'll be charging interest next.
- Yeah, it's a good idea.
105
00:05:48,975 --> 00:05:50,435
Capitalist.
106
00:05:51,144 --> 00:05:54,355
- When d'you you get that?
- This morning. It's all right, innit?
107
00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:56,691
No. Looks like a tea towel.
108
00:05:56,816 --> 00:05:58,735
Yeah, I was quite pleased
with it meself.
109
00:06:02,238 --> 00:06:04,657
- Andy, guess what?
- What?
110
00:06:04,782 --> 00:06:07,660
I woke up this morning,
I felt a little bit whatsit, you know,
111
00:06:07,785 --> 00:06:11,789
and I thought to meself, "Oh, blimey,
don't tell me I'm in the family way."
112
00:06:11,914 --> 00:06:14,751
- Jesus Christ!
- What's "family way" supposed to mean?
113
00:06:14,876 --> 00:06:17,003
- You know what it means.
- No.
114
00:06:17,128 --> 00:06:19,505
- I know what pregnant means.
- You don't half talk some rubbish!
115
00:06:19,630 --> 00:06:22,091
- Well, silly little sayings.
- Oh, shut up!
116
00:06:22,216 --> 00:06:23,634
You shut up.
117
00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:25,887
I was lying there,
and I thought to meself,
118
00:06:26,012 --> 00:06:29,098
"Oh, I'd love another little baby."
119
00:06:29,223 --> 00:06:32,185
- You're too old to have a baby, ain't you?
- Course not.
120
00:06:32,310 --> 00:06:35,229
You may not be. I am.
You wouldn't see me for dust!
121
00:06:35,354 --> 00:06:37,940
Oh, don't, Andy, don't be rotten.
122
00:06:38,066 --> 00:06:39,525
Typical man!
123
00:06:39,650 --> 00:06:42,779
- What do you know about men?
- Enough.
124
00:06:42,904 --> 00:06:45,156
Anyway, I thought to meself,
"Never mind,
125
00:06:45,281 --> 00:06:47,033
"I'll just have to wait
till I'm a grandma."
126
00:06:47,158 --> 00:06:48,951
- You're gonna have a long wait.
- Yeah.
127
00:06:49,077 --> 00:06:50,536
- Eh?
- Who'd want them?
128
00:06:50,661 --> 00:06:52,163
Oh, that's nice!
129
00:06:52,288 --> 00:06:54,040
Stick a couple of paper bags
over their heads.
130
00:06:54,165 --> 00:06:57,835
Might be able to flog 'em off cheap,
sight unseen.
131
00:06:59,295 --> 00:07:03,216
- I'm not gonna waste my life.
- No? Whatcha doing now, then?
132
00:07:03,341 --> 00:07:05,843
Contributing a great deal, aren't you,
sitting around all day?
133
00:07:05,968 --> 00:07:09,388
- I'm thinking about it.
- Thinking about it, that's the easy bit.
134
00:07:09,514 --> 00:07:11,974
- It's doing it that's difficult.
- Bollocks!
135
00:07:12,100 --> 00:07:14,102
Nicola!
136
00:07:14,227 --> 00:07:18,022
Shame, though, innit? They were
such lovely little dolly whatsits,
137
00:07:18,147 --> 00:07:20,566
sitting there
in their matching little outfits.
138
00:07:20,691 --> 00:07:23,569
My little Natalie and my little Nicola.
139
00:07:23,694 --> 00:07:26,405
- And now look at 'em.
- Oh, get the sick buckets!
140
00:07:27,198 --> 00:07:28,658
And when you have a bath, Nicola,
141
00:07:28,783 --> 00:07:31,619
don't leave the towels
on the bathroom floor, stinkin' wet!
142
00:07:31,744 --> 00:07:34,622
- Here we go.
- How many times have I got to tell you?
143
00:07:34,747 --> 00:07:37,125
It's just two simple
little movements...
144
00:07:37,250 --> 00:07:39,794
down and up,
and pop it on the towel rail.
145
00:07:39,919 --> 00:07:41,546
Don't be patronising!
146
00:07:41,671 --> 00:07:44,757
And I won't tell you again
about using my cotton-wool balls.
147
00:07:44,882 --> 00:07:48,553
- Don't be so selfish.
- Why do you want two baths a day?
148
00:07:48,678 --> 00:07:51,931
- Are you taking their side now?
- I'm not taking anyone's side.
149
00:07:52,056 --> 00:07:55,601
- I'm just asking you a simple question.
- Yeah, well, don't!
150
00:07:56,978 --> 00:07:59,105
- Here you are, And.
- Oh, cheers.
151
00:08:00,773 --> 00:08:03,276
- Here you are, Nat.
- Ta.
152
00:08:04,443 --> 00:08:06,404
Don't light that cigarette, Nicola.
We're eating.
153
00:08:06,529 --> 00:08:07,822
Don't eat.
154
00:08:07,947 --> 00:08:10,992
It's lunchtime.
That's what you do at lunchtime, eat.
155
00:08:11,117 --> 00:08:13,703
What's lunchtime, anyway?
It's only a convention.
156
00:08:13,828 --> 00:08:17,039
Nicola, if you want to smoke
while we're eating, go to your room.
157
00:08:17,790 --> 00:08:20,960
If you smoked less and ate more,
you wouldn't be looking like a skeleton.
158
00:08:21,085 --> 00:08:23,212
It's better than looking
like a beached whale.
159
00:08:23,337 --> 00:08:25,339
Oh, thank you!
160
00:08:26,966 --> 00:08:29,343
Anyway, your dad likes something
to grab hold of, of a night.
161
00:08:29,468 --> 00:08:31,804
- What, blubber?
- No.
162
00:08:31,929 --> 00:08:34,056
Me little love handles. Ha-ha!
163
00:08:34,182 --> 00:08:37,393
We got a set each, haven't we, Andy?
164
00:08:38,311 --> 00:08:39,896
Oh, you're disgusting.
165
00:08:40,021 --> 00:08:41,439
Oh, shut up!
166
00:08:42,481 --> 00:08:44,025
Those sandwiches stink.
167
00:08:44,150 --> 00:08:46,903
If you don't like it,
you know what you can do.
168
00:08:47,028 --> 00:08:48,779
- Yeah, well, I'm going.
- Good!
169
00:08:48,905 --> 00:08:51,115
- Well, go on, then.
- In a minute.
170
00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:53,951
Can't go, Can ya?
171
00:08:54,744 --> 00:08:58,497
- What's keeping you, Nicola, eh?
- She's bored.
172
00:08:58,623 --> 00:09:02,251
See, you want to be with us,
so why don't you just act normal?
173
00:09:15,431 --> 00:09:17,058
- Andy?
- What?
174
00:09:18,142 --> 00:09:20,895
How about having a go
at the patio today? Please?
175
00:09:21,020 --> 00:09:22,688
- Not today, Wen.
- Why not?
176
00:09:22,813 --> 00:09:25,399
- Gonna rain, innit?
- Don't look like rain to me.
177
00:09:25,524 --> 00:09:28,736
I don't wanna get me sand
and cement out and have it piss down.
178
00:09:28,861 --> 00:09:31,322
Have a go at the bathroom.
Finish off me tiling.
179
00:09:31,447 --> 00:09:32,740
- Could do.
- Really?
180
00:09:32,865 --> 00:09:34,659
Hang on. Hang on.
181
00:09:34,784 --> 00:09:37,078
- What?
- Ain't got no grout.
182
00:09:37,203 --> 00:09:39,497
- Oh, typical!
- I can get you grout.
183
00:09:39,622 --> 00:09:41,123
- Eh?
- From work.
184
00:09:41,249 --> 00:09:43,626
- Today?
- Not today, it's Sunday. Tomorrow.
185
00:09:43,751 --> 00:09:45,211
Waterproof grout?
186
00:09:45,336 --> 00:09:48,506
Course it's gonna be waterproof grout,
it's for a bathroom.
187
00:09:48,631 --> 00:09:50,466
There's grout
and there's waterproof grout.
188
00:09:50,591 --> 00:09:51,759
Allow me to know!
189
00:09:51,884 --> 00:09:53,761
Just make sure
you get waterproof grout.
190
00:09:53,886 --> 00:09:56,305
Don't panic.
I'll get you waterproof grout.
191
00:09:56,430 --> 00:09:58,224
Great. I'll do it next weekend.
192
00:09:58,349 --> 00:10:00,351
Ha! Can I have that in writing, please?
193
00:10:00,476 --> 00:10:04,146
I have to say, Wen,
this lamb is delicious.
194
00:10:04,272 --> 00:10:08,109
Is it? Good. And the tiles are
in the cupboard under the stairs, right?
195
00:10:09,443 --> 00:10:12,863
- Nice and pink. Beautiful, innit?
- Yeah, it's nice.
196
00:10:14,156 --> 00:10:17,451
- Are you eating yours, missus?
- What's it to you?
197
00:10:17,576 --> 00:10:21,372
- She cooked it, that's what it is to her!
- Shut up, Goody Two-Shoes!
198
00:10:21,497 --> 00:10:24,375
What's it like in the first-class
dining compartment, then?
199
00:10:24,500 --> 00:10:28,087
If I choose to eat in my own space,
that's my prerogative, right?
200
00:10:28,212 --> 00:10:31,090
Do you want a glass
of low-calorie H2O?
201
00:10:31,215 --> 00:10:32,508
Just leave her alone.
202
00:10:33,592 --> 00:10:35,428
Oh, there she goes.
203
00:10:38,431 --> 00:10:41,142
- It's the Year of the Horse.
- Eh?
204
00:10:41,267 --> 00:10:44,228
- Chinese.
- Oh, yeah? Want some more?
205
00:10:44,353 --> 00:10:47,231
- Yeah.
- You want some?
206
00:10:47,356 --> 00:10:50,276
Yeah, go on, then.
Cut me a nice, big, juicy slice.
207
00:10:50,401 --> 00:10:52,361
I like mine nice and juicy!
208
00:10:52,486 --> 00:10:53,904
Mother!
209
00:11:31,233 --> 00:11:33,027
Nah, you can't rush him.
210
00:11:33,152 --> 00:11:35,696
Yeah, he's happy going
at that speed, isn't he?
211
00:11:35,821 --> 00:11:37,990
Yeah.
Dead slow and stop.
212
00:12:01,138 --> 00:12:03,140
It's the door!
213
00:12:03,265 --> 00:12:05,935
- Well, answer it!
- It's that Patsy bloke.
214
00:12:06,060 --> 00:12:08,521
- Open the door, Nicola!
- No, I don't know him.
215
00:12:08,646 --> 00:12:11,607
- Course you know him!
- Go on, I've got wet hands.
216
00:12:11,732 --> 00:12:15,069
- So?
- Nicola, you're an awkward cow.
217
00:12:15,194 --> 00:12:17,321
Don't be sexist!
218
00:12:19,156 --> 00:12:21,158
- Hello, Patsy.
- Hello, Wendy.
219
00:12:21,283 --> 00:12:22,410
All right?
220
00:12:22,535 --> 00:12:25,621
Sorry to bother you on a Sunday,
like, but, uh...
221
00:12:25,746 --> 00:12:28,165
- I was wondering if Andy was in.
- Yeah.
222
00:12:28,290 --> 00:12:32,044
Only I was hoping to catch him
down in the boozer, like,
223
00:12:32,169 --> 00:12:33,629
but I got a bit held up.
224
00:12:33,754 --> 00:12:35,297
Oh, yeah?
225
00:12:36,173 --> 00:12:37,883
Had to go down
and see me old mum.
226
00:12:38,008 --> 00:12:40,970
Oh, did you? Yeah, he's down
the bottom of the garden.
227
00:12:42,054 --> 00:12:44,515
- Oh...
- Do you wanna see him?
228
00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:46,100
Yeah, all right.
229
00:12:46,225 --> 00:12:51,147
- Here. Come in, then.
- Thanks very much. Terrific.
230
00:12:53,232 --> 00:12:54,733
Hello, girls.
231
00:12:54,859 --> 00:12:56,277
Hello, boys!
232
00:13:00,114 --> 00:13:01,699
Hang on a minute.
233
00:13:06,829 --> 00:13:09,165
Patsy's here!
234
00:13:09,290 --> 00:13:10,749
- What?
- Patsy!
235
00:13:10,875 --> 00:13:14,253
There he is. I'll just slip out
and see him, if that's all right.
236
00:13:14,378 --> 00:13:16,797
Yeah, that's all right.
Go on.
237
00:13:16,922 --> 00:13:19,216
- Watch yourself on that little step.
- What? Ooh!
238
00:13:19,341 --> 00:13:21,844
That's the one, yeah.
239
00:13:21,969 --> 00:13:23,804
Oh, don't!
240
00:13:23,929 --> 00:13:26,682
- Andrew!
- Hello, Patsy. How are you?
241
00:13:26,807 --> 00:13:29,477
Christ, he's in a right state.
242
00:13:29,602 --> 00:13:34,231
He's had about ten pints.
Good job he's been banned from driving.
243
00:13:35,357 --> 00:13:37,067
Nice hairstyle.
244
00:13:37,193 --> 00:13:39,612
I'll bet his wife
did those little streaks.
245
00:13:39,737 --> 00:13:42,823
She must've got one of them
3.99 kits from the chemist.
246
00:13:42,948 --> 00:13:46,035
- What did you let him in for?
- What was I supposed to do?
247
00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:47,786
Fascist!
248
00:13:48,871 --> 00:13:51,373
Tell you what, though.
I wouldn't trust him.
249
00:13:51,499 --> 00:13:54,210
I wouldn't trust anyone
wearing a suit like that.
250
00:13:54,335 --> 00:13:56,921
They cost about 300 quid,
them suits, you know?
251
00:13:57,046 --> 00:14:00,216
- What's he do, anyway?
- He don't do anything. He's unemployed.
252
00:14:03,344 --> 00:14:05,721
Lay me hands on anything in here,
you name it.
253
00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:08,849
Bit of old rope,
Christmas tree, guitar.
254
00:14:08,974 --> 00:14:12,770
- The old one-armed guitar player, eh?
- Yeah. I'm gonna fix it up.
255
00:14:12,895 --> 00:14:14,939
Put a new neck on it,
new set of strings.
256
00:14:15,064 --> 00:14:17,024
Basically, it's a good box.
257
00:14:17,149 --> 00:14:22,238
♪ Mothers, don't let your children
grow up to be cowboys... ♪
258
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:28,994
Listen, Andy, you wanna get
out of the house for a while?
259
00:14:29,119 --> 00:14:31,747
"Hello, my friend." I love 'em.
260
00:14:31,872 --> 00:14:34,124
She can't stand 'em.
Won't let 'em through the door.
261
00:14:34,250 --> 00:14:37,169
I got two of 'em.
Car boot sale.
262
00:14:38,879 --> 00:14:40,130
Twins.
263
00:14:40,256 --> 00:14:42,633
Yeah, you got 20 minutes, have ya?
264
00:14:42,758 --> 00:14:45,386
- What for?
- I've got something for you.
265
00:14:45,511 --> 00:14:48,847
Whatever it is, I swear to God
I can't afford it. I'm broke.
266
00:14:48,973 --> 00:14:50,766
Andrew...
267
00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:54,478
I am inviting you to accompany me
268
00:14:54,603 --> 00:14:58,857
to a certain place where
I'm gonna show you something.
269
00:14:58,983 --> 00:15:00,401
Where? What is it?
270
00:15:00,526 --> 00:15:03,821
I am not prepared
to reveal that at this stage.
271
00:15:03,946 --> 00:15:06,657
- Why not?
- It's a surprise.
272
00:15:09,159 --> 00:15:10,578
What is this?
273
00:15:10,703 --> 00:15:13,581
- Come on. Do us a favour.
- Give us a clue.
274
00:15:13,706 --> 00:15:15,541
No. Schtum is the word.
275
00:15:15,666 --> 00:15:19,837
If you don't go, you'll never know.
Be there or be square.
276
00:15:23,465 --> 00:15:25,134
Nah.
277
00:15:25,259 --> 00:15:27,261
All right. Suit yourself.
278
00:15:29,722 --> 00:15:31,932
- See you in a minute.
- How long are you gonna be?
279
00:15:32,057 --> 00:15:33,726
- Be right back.
- Where are you going?
280
00:15:33,851 --> 00:15:35,853
- Dunno!
- Where you taking him, Patsy?
281
00:15:35,978 --> 00:15:38,355
Don't worry, Wendy.
A little magical mystery tour.
282
00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:42,067
- Andy, still got your hat on.
- Blimey. Catch.
283
00:15:42,192 --> 00:15:45,154
- Sure you two haven't got a woman?
- What, with my luck?
284
00:15:45,279 --> 00:15:48,282
What, with a beautiful girl like you?
285
00:15:48,407 --> 00:15:50,868
Heard it all before.
See you later.
286
00:15:50,993 --> 00:15:52,828
See you later!
287
00:15:54,913 --> 00:15:56,332
- Dad!
- What?
288
00:15:56,457 --> 00:15:58,626
- Get us 20 Silk Cut?
- Get your own.
289
00:15:58,751 --> 00:16:00,377
Selfish pig!
290
00:16:05,883 --> 00:16:09,011
- It's nice and hot.
- It's a bit bright, innit?
291
00:16:10,304 --> 00:16:11,889
That's it.
292
00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:20,272
That's right.
293
00:16:21,649 --> 00:16:23,317
Come on, get in.
294
00:16:23,442 --> 00:16:25,486
What, can't get it in the hole?
295
00:16:25,611 --> 00:16:27,863
- Shut up.
- Do you have to?
296
00:16:53,514 --> 00:16:57,059
Relax, Andy. Relax.
297
00:17:35,889 --> 00:17:38,892
- Oh. Hi, Natalie.
- It's Nicola.
298
00:17:39,017 --> 00:17:41,854
Oh, yeah. Sorry.
I brought a pineapple.
299
00:17:41,979 --> 00:17:44,982
- What for?
- For your mum. You know?
300
00:17:45,107 --> 00:17:46,316
Oh.
301
00:17:50,362 --> 00:17:52,072
Do you want to come in?
302
00:17:52,197 --> 00:17:54,074
Yeah. Thanks very much.
303
00:17:57,828 --> 00:17:59,955
- Shut the door.
- Oh, yeah.
304
00:18:03,167 --> 00:18:05,002
There you go.
305
00:18:08,839 --> 00:18:10,674
- Nobody in?
- No.
306
00:18:11,717 --> 00:18:13,927
You want to sit down?
307
00:18:14,052 --> 00:18:16,680
Yeah. Yeah, thanks very much.
308
00:18:50,422 --> 00:18:53,592
So, Andrew, what do you think?
309
00:18:53,717 --> 00:18:56,845
I think it's a load of old crap,
that's what I think.
310
00:18:56,970 --> 00:18:59,473
- What's the matter with it?
- Look at the state of it.
311
00:18:59,598 --> 00:19:03,727
A coat of paint!
You're looking at the future, mate.
312
00:19:03,852 --> 00:19:07,439
This could be the catalyst
that sparks a revolution.
313
00:19:07,564 --> 00:19:10,692
- This is what you've always wanted!
- Like I want a hole in the head.
314
00:19:10,818 --> 00:19:13,862
This is your chance
to break out of the rat race.
315
00:19:15,405 --> 00:19:16,907
Ooh!
316
00:19:18,075 --> 00:19:21,537
- We should get a cat.
- Eh?
317
00:19:21,662 --> 00:19:24,289
Get another cat like Tigger.
318
00:19:24,414 --> 00:19:26,208
- What, a little kitten?
- Yeah.
319
00:19:26,333 --> 00:19:27,668
Nah.
320
00:19:28,418 --> 00:19:31,255
I don't want a moggy
scratching all me furniture.
321
00:19:32,756 --> 00:19:35,050
- Why? Do you want a cat?
- No.
322
00:19:36,343 --> 00:19:39,012
I don't know why I said it, really.
323
00:19:41,056 --> 00:19:45,602
Could get a big Rottweiler.
Then it might eat Nicola. Ha-ha!
324
00:19:45,727 --> 00:19:48,146
That's a good idea.
325
00:19:48,272 --> 00:19:50,524
That's one way of getting rid of her.
326
00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:53,902
Should get a crocodile.
327
00:20:01,535 --> 00:20:03,620
My hair's falling out.
328
00:20:03,745 --> 00:20:06,874
- Well, stop pulling it, then.
- It still falls out.
329
00:20:06,999 --> 00:20:09,668
- It's really nice hair.
- You taking the piss?
330
00:20:09,793 --> 00:20:12,588
No. I mean it.
331
00:20:12,713 --> 00:20:15,173
- I'm sincere.
- Bollocks.
332
00:20:15,299 --> 00:20:18,343
- You're a really attractive girl, you know?
- No, I'm not.
333
00:20:19,303 --> 00:20:21,179
I'm too fat.
334
00:20:21,305 --> 00:20:23,807
Fat? What is fat?
335
00:20:24,808 --> 00:20:26,810
It's all in the mind.
336
00:20:30,314 --> 00:20:32,733
Do you want to put it down?
337
00:20:33,692 --> 00:20:35,319
Yeah.
338
00:20:35,444 --> 00:20:37,779
I think it's on the turn.
339
00:20:37,905 --> 00:20:40,157
I didn't want to waste it.
340
00:20:40,282 --> 00:20:43,994
I had a few ideas, but...
you know?
341
00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:46,288
Why didn't you eat it?
342
00:20:46,413 --> 00:20:48,248
Great knees.
343
00:20:54,254 --> 00:20:56,590
Look at this, rust everywhere.
344
00:20:56,715 --> 00:20:58,759
There you go,
lightning striking a cup of tea.
345
00:20:58,884 --> 00:21:01,053
It's falling apart.
Strong wind, roof'll come off.
346
00:21:01,178 --> 00:21:03,263
Here, have a look inside.
347
00:21:03,388 --> 00:21:06,099
I'm not going in there.
I value my health too much.
348
00:21:06,224 --> 00:21:08,727
- No. Feel free.
- No way.
349
00:21:09,770 --> 00:21:11,647
Phew! Ripe, innit?
350
00:21:11,772 --> 00:21:14,232
It's just a bit musty.
Needs a bit of air through it.
351
00:21:14,358 --> 00:21:18,111
I'm betting something died in here.
You sure this is on the level, Patsy?
352
00:21:18,236 --> 00:21:20,614
Course it is!
Belongs to my brother.
353
00:21:20,739 --> 00:21:22,532
Ha-ha! Look, the old griddle.
354
00:21:22,658 --> 00:21:25,369
Ah, there she is. Beautiful.
355
00:21:25,494 --> 00:21:28,121
- Haven't seen those in a while.
- She's still in good nick.
356
00:21:28,246 --> 00:21:32,084
- You must be joking. It's fucked, innit?
- It's got everything you need in here.
357
00:21:35,462 --> 00:21:37,839
I'm making a tea, Nicola.
Do you want one?
358
00:21:37,965 --> 00:21:40,258
- Oh, hello, Aubrey!
- Hello, Wendy.
359
00:21:40,384 --> 00:21:42,386
What are you doing here?
360
00:21:43,679 --> 00:21:46,682
- I brought you a pineapple.
- Did you? Oh.
361
00:21:46,807 --> 00:21:49,351
Oh, innit a big one?
Andy's not here.
362
00:21:49,476 --> 00:21:51,979
- He's just popped out.
- Yeah?
363
00:21:52,104 --> 00:21:54,648
- How long you been here?
- Oh, 15-20 minutes.
364
00:21:54,773 --> 00:21:57,192
- Oh, you haven't, Aubrey?
- Straight up.
365
00:21:57,317 --> 00:21:58,735
- Nicola!
- What?
366
00:21:58,860 --> 00:22:01,446
Why didn't you tell me?
You knew I was out back.
367
00:22:01,571 --> 00:22:03,407
- No, I never.
- Yes, you did.
368
00:22:03,532 --> 00:22:05,826
- Are you calling me a liar?
- Yes, I am.
369
00:22:05,951 --> 00:22:08,578
- I thought you'd gone for a walk.
- Don't be so stupid!
370
00:22:08,704 --> 00:22:11,164
I've never been for a walk
in me life, have I?
371
00:22:11,289 --> 00:22:13,625
- Sorry about this, Aubrey.
- No sweat.
372
00:22:13,750 --> 00:22:16,086
Come have a sit in the garden.
Take your coat off.
373
00:22:16,211 --> 00:22:18,380
- Get the sun.
- She's a nice girl.
374
00:22:18,505 --> 00:22:21,758
Yeah, with her head in a bucket!
375
00:22:27,472 --> 00:22:29,766
Look at that, brilliant.
Tell you what, mate.
376
00:22:29,891 --> 00:22:33,645
I'll let you have these comestibles
for nothing.
377
00:22:33,770 --> 00:22:36,982
I promise you, Andy,
you go down White Hart Lane
378
00:22:37,107 --> 00:22:39,776
on a Saturday for the home games,
a man of your skills.
379
00:22:39,901 --> 00:22:42,487
Couple hundred burgers,
you'll make a fortune, I'm telling you.
380
00:22:42,612 --> 00:22:44,614
Excuse me, guv'nor.
I'll have four hamburgers,
381
00:22:44,740 --> 00:22:46,783
three egg burgers,
a sausage roll with onions,
382
00:22:46,908 --> 00:22:49,911
a bacon-egg-and-cheese roll,
a tea, a Bovril and a large vodka.
383
00:22:50,037 --> 00:22:52,831
Sold to the man with the beard!
384
00:22:53,999 --> 00:22:56,752
I have to admit, Patsy, I am tempted.
385
00:22:58,336 --> 00:22:59,963
♪ No...
386
00:23:00,088 --> 00:23:01,882
♪ No regrets
387
00:23:02,007 --> 00:23:04,384
♪ No, no regret rien... ♪
388
00:23:04,509 --> 00:23:06,511
Oh, yeah, that's right.
I remember, yeah.
389
00:23:06,636 --> 00:23:08,805
- She sang it in French.
- Yeah, she was from France.
390
00:23:08,930 --> 00:23:11,475
- She was thin.
- She was thin, she was French.
391
00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:14,019
- Dead now, isn't she?
- Yeah, she was a prostitute.
392
00:23:14,144 --> 00:23:15,812
- So?
- Shut up.
393
00:23:15,937 --> 00:23:18,899
- The Sparrow.
- Yeah, the Little Sparrow. That's right.
394
00:23:19,024 --> 00:23:22,194
You all set, Aubrey?
Got all your menus printed up?
395
00:23:22,319 --> 00:23:24,154
- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah, good.
396
00:23:24,279 --> 00:23:26,656
- No, I haven't, actually.
- Blimey. When do you open?
397
00:23:26,782 --> 00:23:29,117
- Tuesday.
- That only gives you a couple of days.
398
00:23:29,242 --> 00:23:31,787
How is everyone meant to know
what they want to eat?
399
00:23:31,912 --> 00:23:34,331
- They might not want to eat.
- Here we go.
400
00:23:34,456 --> 00:23:36,958
- Don't be stupid, it's a restaurant.
- So?
401
00:23:37,084 --> 00:23:38,877
- It's all right if they don't want to.
- See?
402
00:23:39,002 --> 00:23:42,631
- They can bask in the atmosphere.
- You won't make much profit that way!
403
00:23:42,756 --> 00:23:44,716
- No mangiare, no sweat.
- That's daft.
404
00:23:44,841 --> 00:23:46,301
- No, it isn't.
- Parisian.
405
00:23:46,426 --> 00:23:50,222
- Don't they eat in Paris, then?
- Good one.
406
00:23:50,972 --> 00:23:52,182
Seven.
407
00:23:52,307 --> 00:23:55,018
- Two-fifty.
- I'll come down to six.
408
00:23:55,143 --> 00:23:57,604
- Make it 300.
- Five-fifty.
409
00:23:57,729 --> 00:24:00,690
I'll give you 300 now
and 50 when I've checked out the gear.
410
00:24:00,816 --> 00:24:02,609
- Five hundred.
- Four hundred.
411
00:24:02,734 --> 00:24:04,319
- Four-fifty.
- Four twenty-five.
412
00:24:04,444 --> 00:24:05,737
- All right, done.
- Right.
413
00:24:05,862 --> 00:24:08,198
- It's a deal.
- Cheers.
414
00:24:08,323 --> 00:24:11,576
- Get her unhooked.
- Hang on. Drop the wheel.
415
00:24:11,701 --> 00:24:13,453
- There you go.
- And... up!
416
00:24:15,497 --> 00:24:18,125
Hey, how about that?
Sweet as a nut.
417
00:24:18,250 --> 00:24:21,336
- Genius.
- Just get parked up. Be right back.
418
00:24:21,461 --> 00:24:23,088
Off you go.
419
00:24:32,472 --> 00:24:34,266
On, Andy.
420
00:24:34,391 --> 00:24:36,810
Ta-da! What do you think?
421
00:24:36,935 --> 00:24:39,146
Oh, Andy, you haven't?
422
00:24:39,271 --> 00:24:41,231
She loves it, Patsy. Look at it.
423
00:24:41,356 --> 00:24:43,608
Mobile gold mine.
I can feel it in me water.
424
00:24:43,733 --> 00:24:45,944
- Andy, you're joking me!
- I'm not, I promise.
425
00:24:46,069 --> 00:24:48,613
- God's truth. No word of a lie.
- Have you bought it?
426
00:24:48,738 --> 00:24:50,949
- Yeah. Good, innit?
- No.
427
00:24:51,074 --> 00:24:53,118
- What do you reckon?
- Not much.
428
00:24:53,243 --> 00:24:56,079
- Andy, it's a heap of rubbish!
- What do you mean?
429
00:24:56,204 --> 00:24:58,456
- Look at it!
- Got character, innit?
430
00:24:58,582 --> 00:25:00,917
- Oh, Andy...
- I love it!
431
00:25:01,042 --> 00:25:02,669
- It's disgusting!
- Eh?
432
00:25:02,794 --> 00:25:05,380
- It's ecologically unsound.
- You're ecologically unsound.
433
00:25:05,505 --> 00:25:06,506
Bollocks!
434
00:25:06,631 --> 00:25:09,176
- What you reckon, Nat?
- It's embarrassing.
435
00:25:09,301 --> 00:25:12,512
Eh? Nah. You and me,
soon get it licked into shape.
436
00:25:12,637 --> 00:25:14,598
You must be joking.
437
00:25:14,723 --> 00:25:16,349
It's all rusty!
438
00:25:16,474 --> 00:25:20,145
No, Wendy. That is just
superficial. Know what I mean?
439
00:25:20,270 --> 00:25:23,148
Bit of treatment, nice coat of paint,
come up lovely.
440
00:25:23,273 --> 00:25:25,692
- This is you, isn't it?
- Eh?
441
00:25:25,817 --> 00:25:27,611
Oh, Patsy!
442
00:25:27,736 --> 00:25:30,697
Er... Excuse me, mate.
If you don't mind.
443
00:25:30,822 --> 00:25:33,116
What? Oh, yeah. Cool.
444
00:25:33,241 --> 00:25:34,993
Innit great, Aub?
445
00:25:35,118 --> 00:25:37,037
Yeah, yeah. It's, er...
446
00:25:37,162 --> 00:25:39,915
The possibilities are, er...
You know?
447
00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:42,959
Yeah. It's all there.
The works. All you need.
448
00:25:43,084 --> 00:25:45,795
Where are you gonna keep it?
Cos you're not keeping it here.
449
00:25:45,921 --> 00:25:48,632
- I'll get a lock-up or something.
- Andy...
450
00:25:48,757 --> 00:25:51,259
I'll be right with you, mate.
Just get me whatsit.
451
00:25:51,384 --> 00:25:52,802
Andy!
452
00:25:54,179 --> 00:25:56,431
- What's going on, Patsy?
- Nothing.
453
00:25:56,556 --> 00:25:58,934
How much
is he paying you for it, then?
454
00:25:59,059 --> 00:26:01,436
Well, that is not for me to say, Wendy.
455
00:26:04,814 --> 00:26:08,526
- You're behaving like a big kid.
- Don't be cheeky.
456
00:26:09,402 --> 00:26:11,613
- All right, Patsy.
- Andy, where are you going?
457
00:26:11,738 --> 00:26:13,406
- Ten minutes.
- Where are you going?
458
00:26:13,531 --> 00:26:15,575
- I'll be right back.
- Andy?
459
00:26:19,371 --> 00:26:22,249
- What's he doing?
- He's getting conned.
460
00:26:22,374 --> 00:26:23,583
As usual.
461
00:26:25,418 --> 00:26:27,087
Oh, blimey!
462
00:26:27,212 --> 00:26:29,714
Aubrey, you all right?
463
00:26:29,839 --> 00:26:32,175
Oh, blimey!
464
00:26:32,300 --> 00:26:36,346
- I thought you'd copped it.
- It sort of went up on me there.
465
00:26:36,471 --> 00:26:40,558
There's no - whatsit - legs under
there, is there? Have a cup of tea.
466
00:26:41,893 --> 00:26:43,895
- Jackpot.
- There you go, mate.
467
00:26:44,020 --> 00:26:47,190
Thanks very much, Andy.
All right, see you through the week.
468
00:26:47,315 --> 00:26:50,360
- Don't you want a lift?
- Nah, I've got to go see me old mum.
469
00:26:50,485 --> 00:26:52,153
- All right.
- Know what I mean?
470
00:26:52,279 --> 00:26:54,281
Cheers. All the best.
471
00:26:56,908 --> 00:26:58,952
To be honest,
it's worth far more
472
00:26:59,077 --> 00:27:01,663
in scrap value alone
than what I paid for it.
473
00:27:01,788 --> 00:27:03,999
So what did you pay
for it, then?
474
00:27:04,124 --> 00:27:06,167
Well, what I done...
475
00:27:06,293 --> 00:27:09,587
- It depends what you mean by...
- He's not cracking on, Aubrey.
476
00:27:09,713 --> 00:27:12,549
- No, I know what I'm doing.
- Ha! Could've fooled me.
477
00:27:12,674 --> 00:27:15,176
I hope you didn't pay
more than ten quid for it.
478
00:27:15,302 --> 00:27:18,013
I paid more than ten quid for it,
but it's an investment.
479
00:27:18,138 --> 00:27:21,057
- Tory!
- What do you think, Aubrey?
480
00:27:21,182 --> 00:27:23,852
- Yeah, mate.
- Er, it's...
481
00:27:23,977 --> 00:27:27,522
- Now, be honest.
- Yeah. Gilt-edged, you know?
482
00:27:27,647 --> 00:27:29,816
- See? Aubrey knows the game.
- Can't go wrong.
483
00:27:29,941 --> 00:27:31,901
Ronald McDonald had to start
somewhere, didn't he?
484
00:27:32,027 --> 00:27:35,113
Blimey, it's old Big Mac
sittin' here. Look.
485
00:27:35,238 --> 00:27:37,490
When are we gonna see
your restaurant, Aub?
486
00:27:37,615 --> 00:27:40,201
- Whenever you like.
- Have a little nose?
487
00:27:40,327 --> 00:27:42,620
Yeah, before you open,
if you want any advice.
488
00:27:42,746 --> 00:27:44,748
He wants it to be a success, Dad.
489
00:27:44,873 --> 00:27:46,583
- Shut up.
- Yeah.
490
00:27:46,708 --> 00:27:48,626
I'd love you to see
my restaurant.
491
00:27:48,752 --> 00:27:51,254
Don't get me wrong, I'm confident.
In fact, I'm mega-confident.
492
00:27:51,379 --> 00:27:54,591
- Are you?
- I just haven't any outside input.
493
00:27:54,716 --> 00:27:57,052
- We could go now, Wen.
- Yeah, all right.
494
00:27:57,177 --> 00:28:00,388
- He might want to stay here.
- What's he wanna stay here for?
495
00:28:00,513 --> 00:28:02,724
- Cos!
- He can do what he likes.
496
00:28:02,849 --> 00:28:05,101
We can go now. Yeah.
497
00:28:05,226 --> 00:28:08,063
Cool. Wow!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Great!
498
00:28:08,188 --> 00:28:10,440
Just give us a minute
to powder me nose.
499
00:28:10,565 --> 00:28:13,443
- Hey!
- Andy, what are you doing?
500
00:28:13,568 --> 00:28:15,779
- What?
- We've seen it all before.
501
00:28:15,904 --> 00:28:18,239
- He's fallen in the water.
- Prat!
502
00:28:18,365 --> 00:28:20,575
- Boring git!
- Shut up.
503
00:28:20,700 --> 00:28:23,370
- You'll break a leg one of these days.
- You all night, Andy?
504
00:28:23,495 --> 00:28:26,373
Yeah, mate.
Just mucking about.
505
00:28:32,337 --> 00:28:34,964
Ha-ha! Whoo! Aubrey!
506
00:28:35,090 --> 00:28:39,594
Oh, blimey!
I thought we were gonna take off!
507
00:28:40,678 --> 00:28:43,264
- I'll have to let you out.
- I've got no handle.
508
00:28:43,390 --> 00:28:45,600
- I have to come around.
- Great, Aub!
509
00:28:45,725 --> 00:28:48,436
- Andy, I thought we were gonna fly.
- Did you?
510
00:28:48,561 --> 00:28:51,272
- Enjoy the joyride?
- I can't get out.
511
00:28:51,398 --> 00:28:53,775
- Fantastic, innit? Look, Wen.
- Innit posh?
512
00:28:53,900 --> 00:28:56,236
- "Tres exclusive."
- Innit nice, Andy?
513
00:28:56,361 --> 00:28:59,114
- Yeah, great. A good look, innit?
- I like the lamps.
514
00:28:59,239 --> 00:29:01,658
That's where you're gonna
keep the menus, is it?
515
00:29:01,783 --> 00:29:05,537
- I can't find the key, though.
- You need a key, Aub.
516
00:29:05,662 --> 00:29:07,414
What is it?
517
00:29:07,539 --> 00:29:11,167
Oh, it's a little pet cat, look.
518
00:29:11,292 --> 00:29:14,003
- A dead moggy!
- Ah, bless him.
519
00:29:14,129 --> 00:29:17,173
Yeah, fantastic, innit?
I was gonna put this up here.
520
00:29:17,298 --> 00:29:19,509
- Oh, you can't.
- Not in a restaurant, Aubrey.
521
00:29:19,634 --> 00:29:22,262
- Put people off their food.
- No, it'll smell.
522
00:29:22,387 --> 00:29:24,764
See, what I'm going for here is, erm...
523
00:29:24,889 --> 00:29:27,934
...the street, er, the war.
524
00:29:28,059 --> 00:29:30,520
And I got these accordions
from a car boot sale,
525
00:29:30,645 --> 00:29:32,397
and I'm gonna stick 'em up here.
526
00:29:32,522 --> 00:29:36,693
They are going to represent
the, er... music of Paree.
527
00:29:36,818 --> 00:29:39,529
- Do they work, Aubrey?
- No, they're knackered.
528
00:29:39,654 --> 00:29:44,951
- Got the three of 'em for £17.50.
- They saw you coming, mate!
529
00:29:48,455 --> 00:29:51,666
And the birdcages, I'll hang 'em up
all over the ceiling.
530
00:29:51,791 --> 00:29:53,793
You got a load of 'em, haven't ya?
531
00:29:53,918 --> 00:29:57,380
They are gonna, er, symbolise...
532
00:29:58,339 --> 00:30:00,341
- ...the Sparrow.
- I like the bike.
533
00:30:00,467 --> 00:30:03,678
- Oh, yeah! Innit novel?
- It's brilliant, isn't it?
534
00:30:03,803 --> 00:30:07,307
- The old onion seller.
- That's in the wrong place.
535
00:30:07,432 --> 00:30:09,142
Oh, blimey!
536
00:30:09,267 --> 00:30:11,811
- Is this the original French article?
- Yeah, yeah.
537
00:30:11,936 --> 00:30:13,980
Ha-ha!
538
00:30:14,105 --> 00:30:16,483
No, it was me dad's, actually.
It was in the shed.
539
00:30:16,608 --> 00:30:20,195
Isn't that nice, Andy? He would've
been proud of you, Aubrey.
540
00:30:20,320 --> 00:30:22,822
I don't think he would've cared less,
Wendy.
541
00:30:22,947 --> 00:30:24,824
He was a nasty old bastard.
542
00:30:28,286 --> 00:30:30,038
Here, look at this.
543
00:30:30,163 --> 00:30:32,957
- You've got a fish tank!
- That's good, innit?
544
00:30:33,082 --> 00:30:36,419
- Oh, yeah.
- Ha! I thought they were real!
545
00:30:36,544 --> 00:30:39,923
So did I! The fish look
a bit humpty, don't they?
546
00:30:40,048 --> 00:30:43,092
- Water's murky, innit?
- I'll put a couple lobsters in there.
547
00:30:43,218 --> 00:30:46,513
People can choose 'em,
and I'm gonna cook 'em à la minute.
548
00:30:46,638 --> 00:30:49,599
So where are you
gonna put your prawns?
549
00:30:49,724 --> 00:30:51,059
Prawn.
550
00:30:51,184 --> 00:30:53,353
- Is that all? Just one?
- King prawn.
551
00:30:53,478 --> 00:30:54,938
Oh, sorry.
552
00:30:55,063 --> 00:30:57,148
Anywhere you like, Wendy.
You know?
553
00:30:57,273 --> 00:30:59,859
It's all a matter of what picture
you wanna paint.
554
00:30:59,984 --> 00:31:02,695
- You having all black plates?
- Yeah. Great canvas.
555
00:31:02,820 --> 00:31:04,989
What's the sauce
you're using there, Aub?
556
00:31:05,114 --> 00:31:07,659
Basically,
jam blended with orange juice.
557
00:31:07,784 --> 00:31:10,161
- Orange juice.
- What's that white stuff? Cream?
558
00:31:10,286 --> 00:31:11,829
- Fromage frais, innit?
- Yogurt.
559
00:31:11,955 --> 00:31:15,166
- Is it?
- You'll find fromage frais will bubble.
560
00:31:15,291 --> 00:31:16,501
It needn't.
561
00:31:16,626 --> 00:31:19,587
I achieve this effect by, uh, gently...
562
00:31:19,712 --> 00:31:23,091
easing, teasing, and squeezing.
563
00:31:23,216 --> 00:31:25,760
Oh, don't be so dirty!
564
00:31:25,885 --> 00:31:28,930
Till you've got
a nice symmetrical circle.
565
00:31:29,055 --> 00:31:32,058
Then we, uh, chisel in the pattern
566
00:31:32,183 --> 00:31:34,811
with the end of a knife,
and it's ready to set.
567
00:31:34,936 --> 00:31:38,189
- Looks nice, though, Andy.
- Your grill's in a bit of a state, Aubrey.
568
00:31:38,314 --> 00:31:41,526
Is it? Oh, yeah.
The girl can deal with all that.
569
00:31:41,651 --> 00:31:43,528
When they starting, then, your girls?
570
00:31:43,653 --> 00:31:45,697
The dogsbody tomorrow,
the waitress on Tuesday.
571
00:31:45,822 --> 00:31:47,615
- Oh, right.
- Great team.
572
00:31:47,740 --> 00:31:51,536
- Ah, I love your little candles.
- Bistro effect, innit?
573
00:31:51,661 --> 00:31:55,915
They're great, aren't they? I've been
trying to get them all the same length...
574
00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:59,043
but I keep forgetting
to blow 'em out, you know,
575
00:31:59,168 --> 00:32:01,129
and I have to start all over again.
576
00:32:01,254 --> 00:32:03,798
I've been through 12 boxes this week.
577
00:32:03,923 --> 00:32:08,970
- Ah, that'll be your first little booking!
- Here we go.
578
00:32:09,095 --> 00:32:11,389
Hello. The Regret Rien.
579
00:32:11,514 --> 00:32:14,892
Oh, hi, Hilary. How are ya?
580
00:32:15,018 --> 00:32:18,229
You in the starting blocks,
raring to go? Great.
581
00:32:19,564 --> 00:32:20,982
You what?
582
00:32:22,233 --> 00:32:23,860
Hang on a minute.
583
00:32:27,989 --> 00:32:29,407
Say that again.
584
00:32:33,494 --> 00:32:36,748
- State of this place.
- Aw. Shame, innit?
585
00:32:36,873 --> 00:32:41,461
- I don't think he'll be ready, you know?
- You wanna see the ladies' toilet.
586
00:32:41,586 --> 00:32:44,422
- Still, all credit to him.
- Bless him, yeah.
587
00:32:44,547 --> 00:32:49,052
- Puts the old caravan in perspective.
- Andy, please don't remind me!
588
00:32:49,177 --> 00:32:50,720
What do you mean?
589
00:32:50,845 --> 00:32:53,890
I don't want it sitting there
for two years, blocking me view.
590
00:32:54,015 --> 00:32:55,683
No, this has inspired me.
591
00:32:55,808 --> 00:32:58,478
I want to get back, get down to work,
get stuck in.
592
00:32:58,603 --> 00:33:01,064
Oh, pigs might fly!
593
00:33:01,189 --> 00:33:02,940
Fuck you!
594
00:33:06,277 --> 00:33:08,404
- What's up, mate?
- Nothing.
595
00:33:11,532 --> 00:33:14,535
- Do you want a cigar, Andy?
- No, thanks. I don't use 'em.
596
00:33:14,661 --> 00:33:17,789
- Wendy, would you like a liqueur?
- No, ta, no. I'm fine.
597
00:33:17,914 --> 00:33:20,500
- Who was that, then?
- My waitress.
598
00:33:20,625 --> 00:33:24,754
- What, the big girl? The Aussie?
- Yeah. No, Kiwi.
599
00:33:24,879 --> 00:33:28,174
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
Gotta laugh, don't you?
600
00:33:28,299 --> 00:33:31,260
- What's the matter, then?
- She's, uh...
601
00:33:31,386 --> 00:33:34,013
- ...let me down, you know?
- How do you mean?
602
00:33:34,138 --> 00:33:36,974
She's going away with her boyfriend.
603
00:33:37,100 --> 00:33:39,977
- When?
- Today. She phoned from Heathrow.
604
00:33:40,853 --> 00:33:43,439
- Where's she going?
- Flippin' Prague!
605
00:33:44,399 --> 00:33:45,775
Oh!
606
00:33:45,900 --> 00:33:48,236
- Oh, that's not right.
- That's not on, mate.
607
00:33:48,361 --> 00:33:50,321
- No. Sorry.
- Great, innit?
608
00:33:50,446 --> 00:33:53,741
You give someone a break,
a chance to better themselves,
609
00:33:53,866 --> 00:33:56,119
an opportunity to enter
into a brave new venture.
610
00:33:56,244 --> 00:33:58,788
And what do they do?
Piss off to Poland!
611
00:33:58,913 --> 00:34:01,040
That's typical Aussie, innit? Travelers.
612
00:34:01,165 --> 00:34:02,875
Students.
613
00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:06,337
- It's Czechoslovakia, innit, Prague?
- Yeah. Is it?
614
00:34:06,462 --> 00:34:07,588
Yeah.
615
00:34:07,714 --> 00:34:10,758
It's all right, I can cope.
I could do it on me own.
616
00:34:10,883 --> 00:34:12,719
- No, you can't.
- Yes, I can!
617
00:34:12,844 --> 00:34:15,763
I've come this far so far solo.
I can go the whole hog.
618
00:34:15,888 --> 00:34:17,807
I can wait on table.
I can do that.
619
00:34:17,932 --> 00:34:21,060
I'm not proud.
They can eat in the fuckin' kitchen!
620
00:34:21,185 --> 00:34:24,397
Aubrey, calm down.
What you've gotta do...
621
00:34:24,522 --> 00:34:27,442
get on to an agency,
get a waitress over here
622
00:34:27,567 --> 00:34:29,152
to cover you till you get sorted out.
623
00:34:29,277 --> 00:34:32,655
- Yeah. You need that little support.
- That's right.
624
00:34:32,780 --> 00:34:37,285
It's all right, Andy, Wendy.
Everything's hunky-dory. Cool.
625
00:34:40,037 --> 00:34:42,248
I'm in complete control.
626
00:34:42,373 --> 00:34:44,375
If ever I see her again,
627
00:34:44,500 --> 00:34:46,544
I'll stick a knife in her guts.
628
00:34:46,669 --> 00:34:49,213
I'll slice her face off. You know?
629
00:35:01,392 --> 00:35:04,979
Aub, Aub, Aub! Jesus Christ!
Don't the neighbours complain?
630
00:35:05,104 --> 00:35:07,982
- Me eardrums! Please!
- Oh, dear.
631
00:35:08,107 --> 00:35:11,068
Sorry. Sorry. Got overexcited.
632
00:35:11,194 --> 00:35:13,404
I am so grateful. Thank you.
633
00:35:13,529 --> 00:35:15,615
Really, from the deepest part
of my heart, thank you.
634
00:35:15,740 --> 00:35:18,868
- Aubrey, shut up, right?
- No, I'm sincere.
635
00:35:18,993 --> 00:35:21,954
Listen, you're in trouble,
and I'm helping you out.
636
00:35:22,079 --> 00:35:24,540
Cos that's what friends are for.
That's right, isn't it, Andy?
637
00:35:24,665 --> 00:35:27,668
- It's amazing!
- But you haven't done bar work.
638
00:35:27,794 --> 00:35:30,546
No, but I'm confident, I can have a go.
639
00:35:30,671 --> 00:35:32,965
- Have you ever been a waitress?
- No.
640
00:35:33,090 --> 00:35:35,468
But I've been waiting on you
all these years, so?
641
00:35:35,593 --> 00:35:39,055
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- I think Wendy will be a natural.
642
00:35:39,180 --> 00:35:41,766
- She's got such grace and charm.
- Thank you, Aubrey.
643
00:35:41,891 --> 00:35:44,060
Excuse me. Are we talking
about the same girl?
644
00:35:44,185 --> 00:35:45,603
Don't be rotten!
645
00:35:45,728 --> 00:35:48,731
- Listen, what have I got to wear?
- Black. Waitress uniform.
646
00:35:48,856 --> 00:35:51,442
What, little French maid's outfit?
Whoo!
647
00:35:53,152 --> 00:35:56,239
Hey, Andy, look at his face. Ha-ha!
648
00:35:56,364 --> 00:35:58,491
No. Anything you like,
Wendy, you know?
649
00:35:58,616 --> 00:36:00,660
Comme gi, comme ça.
Come casual.
650
00:36:00,785 --> 00:36:02,954
What,
skirt-and-blouse type of thing?
651
00:36:03,079 --> 00:36:05,289
- Yeah, great.
- See if you've got anything in pink.
652
00:36:05,414 --> 00:36:09,085
Shut up, you.
Listen, aren't you gonna pay me?
653
00:36:09,210 --> 00:36:10,878
- Oh, yeah.
- How much?
654
00:36:11,003 --> 00:36:13,756
- £25 a week.
- What?
655
00:36:13,881 --> 00:36:16,467
- You're joking me.
- Leave it out.
656
00:36:16,592 --> 00:36:18,261
What time's that flight to Prague?
657
00:36:18,386 --> 00:36:21,848
- Yeah, we'll be on it.
- No, no, no. You don't understand.
658
00:36:21,973 --> 00:36:24,600
That's just the basic,
for the paperwork, the tax man.
659
00:36:24,725 --> 00:36:28,312
- How do you mean?
- You keep all your tips, that's 12.5 percent.
660
00:36:28,437 --> 00:36:30,606
If you don't get at least £100,
I'll make up the difference.
661
00:36:30,731 --> 00:36:33,609
- That's not bad.
- That'll go towards the holiday.
662
00:36:33,734 --> 00:36:37,321
I don't want to talk about money anyway.
Have what you like, £1,000 a week!
663
00:36:37,446 --> 00:36:38,906
All right. You're on.
664
00:36:39,031 --> 00:36:41,450
- You know what I mean.
- Is this your passion pit?
665
00:36:41,576 --> 00:36:43,870
Oh, yeah. This is where
he brings all the girls.
666
00:36:43,995 --> 00:36:45,955
This is the only room I've had decorated.
667
00:36:46,080 --> 00:36:48,958
Nice, though, innit?
This is what I call a proper boys' room.
668
00:36:49,083 --> 00:36:53,504
Great bed. Orthopaedic.
Three hundred pounds.
669
00:36:53,629 --> 00:36:55,756
How many does it hold?
670
00:36:56,549 --> 00:36:58,467
Oh, careful, Aub!
671
00:36:58,593 --> 00:37:01,262
- Oh, dear me.
- Aubrey!
672
00:37:01,387 --> 00:37:03,931
- You all right, mate?
- You coming up for air?
673
00:37:04,056 --> 00:37:05,725
Thought I'd lost that.
674
00:37:08,728 --> 00:37:11,814
Were you looking for fivers
down there?
675
00:37:18,195 --> 00:37:20,406
No, all I'm saying, Andy,
676
00:37:20,531 --> 00:37:23,075
is I think you made
a big mistake, that's all.
677
00:37:23,200 --> 00:37:25,411
Little beauty, isn't she?
678
00:37:25,536 --> 00:37:27,705
I mean, if you'd got yourself
a bank loan
679
00:37:27,830 --> 00:37:30,708
and bought a really decent van,
that's one thing, but buying this?
680
00:37:30,833 --> 00:37:34,587
- You're throwing good money after bad.
- Have we got any bin bags?
681
00:37:34,712 --> 00:37:37,381
Look at all this. It's rubbish.
682
00:37:37,506 --> 00:37:40,509
What d'you think I want the bin bags for?
Of course it's rubbish!
683
00:37:40,635 --> 00:37:43,888
It's all rubbish. That's why I want
to get this lot cleared out.
684
00:37:44,013 --> 00:37:45,932
Then I can see what I've got.
685
00:37:46,057 --> 00:37:48,517
Sorry, I can't get any enthusiasm for it.
686
00:37:48,643 --> 00:37:50,728
I know you can't. It's obvious.
687
00:37:50,853 --> 00:37:52,980
To be honest,
I'd appreciate it if you could.
688
00:37:53,105 --> 00:37:56,108
- Could do with a bit of moral support.
- You have to get a license.
689
00:37:56,233 --> 00:37:57,860
- What?
- And I tell you what...
690
00:37:57,985 --> 00:38:01,697
If you park this on someone else's pitch,
you'll get yourself duffed over.
691
00:38:01,822 --> 00:38:03,866
- I can look after meself.
- Can you?
692
00:38:03,991 --> 00:38:06,953
Ever seen those hot dog fellas?
They're all like that.
693
00:38:07,078 --> 00:38:09,038
Don't know what you're talking about.
694
00:38:09,163 --> 00:38:12,708
- Lipstick's a bit bright, Nat.
- Oh, very amusing.
695
00:38:12,833 --> 00:38:14,627
- Where are you going?
- Drink.
696
00:38:14,752 --> 00:38:16,754
- Have one for me.
- Staying in?
697
00:38:16,879 --> 00:38:19,090
- Yeah.
- He's got to save up now.
698
00:38:19,215 --> 00:38:22,051
- Pay for this heap of whatsit.
- So long as he's happy.
699
00:38:22,176 --> 00:38:25,012
That's right, Nat.
Thanks a lot. Much appreciated.
700
00:38:25,137 --> 00:38:28,182
- It's all right.
- Going in, I'm freezing.
701
00:38:28,307 --> 00:38:30,685
Tell you what, Andy,
hope it don't rain tonight.
702
00:38:30,810 --> 00:38:34,397
You'll need your snorkel in here
in the morning. Ha-ha!
703
00:38:34,522 --> 00:38:37,775
- I think she likes it, don't you?
- Yeah, she's over the moon.
704
00:38:37,900 --> 00:38:39,527
- See ya.
- See ya.
705
00:38:42,113 --> 00:38:44,031
Have a good time.
706
00:39:00,464 --> 00:39:03,634
- She thought she was gonna get lucky.
- I did.
707
00:39:03,759 --> 00:39:05,928
- Another shot, Nat.
- Another shot.
708
00:39:21,110 --> 00:39:22,737
Very flash.
709
00:39:25,197 --> 00:39:27,491
Two hundred pounds?
710
00:39:27,616 --> 00:39:29,243
On, Andy.
711
00:39:30,286 --> 00:39:32,830
You're not paying him anymore, right?
712
00:39:32,955 --> 00:39:35,875
Look, do you want me to carry on
doing my brain in
713
00:39:36,000 --> 00:39:38,252
at that bloody place
for the rest of my life?
714
00:39:38,377 --> 00:39:40,463
- Of course I don't.
- Right.
715
00:39:40,588 --> 00:39:42,506
So I'll give it a go at weekends,
716
00:39:42,631 --> 00:39:45,176
and if it works out,
I'll jack in the day job.
717
00:39:45,301 --> 00:39:49,680
Andy, you can't jack in your day job
without something definite to go to.
718
00:39:49,805 --> 00:39:54,060
On a bank holiday weekend,
I could make... what?
719
00:39:54,185 --> 00:39:56,562
Two? Two and a half thousand quid?
720
00:39:56,687 --> 00:40:01,150
Oh, Andy!
You're just a big softy, you are.
721
00:40:01,275 --> 00:40:03,903
Who's to say?
It's a risk, I admit that.
722
00:40:04,028 --> 00:40:06,781
But it's a risk worth taking, innit?
723
00:40:06,906 --> 00:40:10,576
I suppose if worst came to worst,
we could go on our holidays in it.
724
00:40:10,701 --> 00:40:13,829
That's right.
Reconvert it into an ordinary caravan.
725
00:40:14,955 --> 00:40:18,000
Stick a couple of bunk beds in it.
726
00:40:18,125 --> 00:40:20,711
Have a little bunk-up.
727
00:40:20,836 --> 00:40:22,880
Oh, yes, please.
728
00:40:26,842 --> 00:40:30,763
Hey, how about... how about...
729
00:40:30,888 --> 00:40:34,058
"Orthopaedic.
Five hundred quid, you know?"
730
00:40:34,183 --> 00:40:36,018
Bouncing up and down on his bed.
731
00:40:36,143 --> 00:40:38,896
- "Orthopaedic, you know?"
- "Orthopaedic, you know?"
732
00:40:39,021 --> 00:40:40,439
Ah.
733
00:40:41,732 --> 00:40:44,819
You wanna watch out
for Aubrey in that kitchen.
734
00:40:44,944 --> 00:40:47,863
He'll come up behind you
with a cucumber.
735
00:40:47,988 --> 00:40:51,909
I don't think it'd be a cucumber
he'd be coming up behind me with.
736
00:40:52,034 --> 00:40:53,661
It might be you fancy him.
737
00:40:53,786 --> 00:40:56,831
Oh, you're joking.
I'm not that desperate.
738
00:40:56,956 --> 00:40:59,208
Ah, bless him.
739
00:40:59,333 --> 00:41:01,460
I feel sorry for him, actually.
740
00:41:01,585 --> 00:41:03,629
He's not a bad bloke, Aubrey.
741
00:41:04,630 --> 00:41:06,715
- What are you doing?
- What?
742
00:41:06,841 --> 00:41:09,009
Mm, I like it. Do it again.
743
00:41:09,135 --> 00:41:11,720
I'm not doing anything. I'm not.
744
00:41:13,305 --> 00:41:15,141
Go on, then.
745
00:41:17,518 --> 00:41:20,521
- Has Nicola come to bed yet?
- Yeah, I think so.
746
00:41:22,857 --> 00:41:25,234
I'll tell you what, Andy.
747
00:41:25,359 --> 00:41:28,237
She gets me
in a right state, that girl.
748
00:41:28,362 --> 00:41:30,573
I heard meself shouting at her
this morning,
749
00:41:30,698 --> 00:41:33,200
and I thought, "This isn't me."
750
00:41:33,325 --> 00:41:36,579
I don't recognize meself, you know?
It's horrible.
751
00:41:36,704 --> 00:41:39,832
- Good job they're not identical.
- Blimey, yeah.
752
00:41:42,585 --> 00:41:44,920
Oh, I used to think...
753
00:41:45,045 --> 00:41:48,424
it'd be so nice to go
to discos together and...
754
00:41:49,550 --> 00:41:52,219
bring their boyfriends home.
755
00:41:52,344 --> 00:41:54,597
Oh, well. There you go.
756
00:41:56,348 --> 00:41:58,350
Buttered muffins.
757
00:41:58,475 --> 00:41:59,894
What?
758
00:44:49,688 --> 00:44:51,565
All right, my friend?
759
00:44:54,693 --> 00:44:56,528
Don't run!
760
00:45:03,202 --> 00:45:04,828
More colour.
761
00:45:06,330 --> 00:45:08,123
Chop, chop!
762
00:45:11,418 --> 00:45:14,046
- You happy in your work, chef?
- Over the moon, mate.
763
00:45:14,171 --> 00:45:18,092
Someone's got to do it. In this case,
it happens to be you. Ha-ha!
764
00:45:39,196 --> 00:45:42,574
Yeah, cos you are a little chunker.
765
00:45:42,699 --> 00:45:45,452
You're a little chunker.
You've got two little chunky cheeks.
766
00:45:45,577 --> 00:45:49,248
And you've got two little chunky legs
and you're lovely, yeah.
767
00:45:49,373 --> 00:45:52,918
You're gonna grow up to be a boxer.
A big boxer. Or a wrestler.
768
00:45:53,043 --> 00:45:55,129
And I bet you're just like your dad, eh?
769
00:45:55,254 --> 00:45:58,215
- Are you just like your daddy?
- Do you have anything in navy?
770
00:45:58,340 --> 00:46:00,426
Navy, yeah.
Listen, take no notice of me.
771
00:46:00,551 --> 00:46:02,970
I get carried away
cos mine are grown up.
772
00:46:03,095 --> 00:46:05,139
- I don't want any pastels.
- No. That's right, yeah.
773
00:46:05,264 --> 00:46:09,685
Cos you are going to a wedding.
A little bird told me, yeah.
774
00:46:09,810 --> 00:46:13,480
So let's have a look what we've got.
Now, there's that little outfit.
775
00:46:13,605 --> 00:46:15,649
That's French,
but that's a bit girly, isn't it?
776
00:46:15,774 --> 00:46:18,527
- He needs something more sophisticated.
- More sophisticated, yeah.
777
00:46:18,652 --> 00:46:20,487
Cos he's not a girly boy, is he?
778
00:46:20,612 --> 00:46:22,656
Know what I mean?
He's more a boy's boy.
779
00:46:22,781 --> 00:46:25,409
- You couldn't mistake him for a girl.
- No, he's a boy.
780
00:46:25,534 --> 00:46:27,703
- Yeah. What's his name?
- Nigel.
781
00:46:27,828 --> 00:46:30,330
Oh, bless him.
Little nidgey Nigel.
782
00:46:30,456 --> 00:46:32,458
Let's see what we've got for you, Nigel.
783
00:46:32,583 --> 00:46:35,586
Let's have a little look.
That's a bit baby-baby.
784
00:46:35,711 --> 00:46:38,380
Oh, a minute. That's nice.
785
00:46:38,505 --> 00:46:40,591
- We sell a lot of them.
- I don't think so.
786
00:46:40,716 --> 00:46:43,427
It looks nice on, really.
Little sailor's outfit.
787
00:47:12,498 --> 00:47:14,917
How's that old boyfriend, then, Nat?
788
00:47:15,042 --> 00:47:17,628
What old boyfriend's that, then, Steve?
789
00:47:17,753 --> 00:47:19,296
Come on.
790
00:47:19,421 --> 00:47:21,840
I'm single and carefree, thanks.
791
00:47:21,965 --> 00:47:24,885
Yeah. Wish I was.
792
00:48:18,564 --> 00:48:20,691
You never said you was coming today!
793
00:48:20,816 --> 00:48:23,068
I'm sorry. I'll go, shall I?
794
00:48:23,193 --> 00:48:24,695
No.
795
00:48:24,820 --> 00:48:27,155
- What's all this?
- What's it look like?
796
00:48:27,281 --> 00:48:30,200
Fuckin' dump.
Like the rest of your house.
797
00:48:30,325 --> 00:48:31,618
Middle-class wanker!
798
00:48:34,913 --> 00:48:36,915
- This your old man's?
- Yeah.
799
00:48:37,040 --> 00:48:40,335
- You going on holiday?
- Nah, it's what he wants to be buried in.
800
00:48:40,460 --> 00:48:43,088
Well, come on.
801
00:48:47,718 --> 00:48:49,886
That's all right.
I didn't want a coffee anyway.
802
00:48:50,012 --> 00:48:52,264
- Well, it's a dump, innit?
- Yeah.
803
00:48:52,389 --> 00:48:54,683
What you waiting for?
804
00:48:54,808 --> 00:48:56,393
Go on!
805
00:48:59,354 --> 00:49:02,357
- So what you been doing?
- Working.
806
00:49:02,482 --> 00:49:04,776
- Leave it out.
- I have.
807
00:49:04,901 --> 00:49:06,737
- What sort of work?
- Writing.
808
00:49:06,862 --> 00:49:08,322
- Writing?
- Yeah.
809
00:49:08,447 --> 00:49:10,115
- Writing what?
- A novel.
810
00:49:11,575 --> 00:49:15,245
- What's so funny?
- You, writing a novel? What's it about?
811
00:49:15,370 --> 00:49:18,165
Don't know.
Haven't started it yet.
812
00:49:18,290 --> 00:49:20,083
- Am I in it?
- No.
813
00:49:20,208 --> 00:49:23,086
- Is it autobiographical?
- Of course it is.
814
00:49:23,211 --> 00:49:25,172
What are you doing?
815
00:49:26,757 --> 00:49:28,550
- Get off.
- No.
816
00:49:42,522 --> 00:49:44,524
Hold on a minute.
817
00:50:02,834 --> 00:50:05,087
Jesus, no.
818
00:50:05,212 --> 00:50:07,798
- What?
- Not again. It's boring.
819
00:50:07,923 --> 00:50:10,592
- I'm not doing it, then.
- Well, don't do it.
820
00:50:10,717 --> 00:50:12,594
Oh, come on!
821
00:50:18,892 --> 00:50:22,104
- Here you go.
- No, thanks. I've just eaten.
822
00:50:22,229 --> 00:50:23,647
Ha-ha, wise guy.
823
00:50:27,442 --> 00:50:29,069
Lie down, then.
824
00:50:31,071 --> 00:50:32,489
You pervert.
825
00:50:48,588 --> 00:50:50,382
Don't stop!
826
00:50:50,507 --> 00:50:53,009
- I've had enough.
- What?
827
00:50:53,135 --> 00:50:55,178
I can't eat no more, I'm full up.
828
00:50:55,303 --> 00:50:57,723
It's not a joke!
829
00:50:57,848 --> 00:50:59,641
I'm gonna puke!
830
00:50:59,766 --> 00:51:01,309
You're weak.
831
00:51:12,612 --> 00:51:14,406
Are you going, then?
832
00:51:14,531 --> 00:51:16,908
- No.
- Well, you're not staying.
833
00:51:17,033 --> 00:51:20,120
- Thought I could get in there with ya.
- No, you won't.
834
00:51:20,245 --> 00:51:22,873
- What's the matter with you?
- Nothing.
835
00:51:22,998 --> 00:51:24,875
I don't agree.
836
00:51:26,084 --> 00:51:28,086
- Eh!
- Don't shout!
837
00:51:28,211 --> 00:51:30,297
Sexist pig!
838
00:51:30,422 --> 00:51:33,425
- Why is shouting sexist?
- Cos that's what men do.
839
00:51:33,550 --> 00:51:35,385
You're full of shit!
840
00:51:38,722 --> 00:51:40,932
Why's it you never want me to stay?
841
00:51:57,032 --> 00:51:59,659
- What's in this machine, Nicola?
- My bedding.
842
00:51:59,785 --> 00:52:01,328
Not again?
843
00:52:01,453 --> 00:52:04,498
- Why didn't you peg me washing out?
- I'll do it later.
844
00:52:04,623 --> 00:52:06,917
Blimey, it could've been dry by now.
845
00:52:07,834 --> 00:52:11,755
So what you been doing all morning?
Sweet Fanny Adams, as usual?
846
00:52:12,798 --> 00:52:15,926
- Anybody ring?
- Like who?
847
00:52:16,051 --> 00:52:18,678
- Like your granddad, for instance.
- No.
848
00:52:18,804 --> 00:52:20,514
"No."
849
00:52:20,639 --> 00:52:23,391
Ha-ha! Look at Andy on this picture.
850
00:52:23,517 --> 00:52:26,520
I still reckon he looks like
Tommy Cooper.
851
00:52:28,522 --> 00:52:30,106
What did you have for your breakfast?
852
00:52:30,232 --> 00:52:32,108
- A big fry-up.
- No, really.
853
00:52:32,234 --> 00:52:35,487
- Toast!
- I don't believe you, Nicola.
854
00:52:35,612 --> 00:52:38,532
- Can you lend us a couple of quid?
- What for?
855
00:52:38,657 --> 00:52:40,659
- Packet of fags.
- No chance.
856
00:52:40,784 --> 00:52:42,702
Mean cow.
857
00:52:42,828 --> 00:52:46,456
You're giving your stomach a rest,
might as well give your lungs a rest.
858
00:52:48,208 --> 00:52:50,836
- So what have you been up to?
- Nothing!
859
00:52:51,878 --> 00:52:54,089
Look at the state of you.
Chalk-white face.
860
00:52:54,214 --> 00:52:56,842
Blimey, you look like a ghost.
861
00:52:56,967 --> 00:52:59,094
You'd frighten the birds, you would.
862
00:52:59,219 --> 00:53:03,265
No wonder
you didn't peg me washing out!
863
00:53:07,811 --> 00:53:10,355
Oh, never mind, eh?
864
00:53:30,375 --> 00:53:32,419
I was like you.
865
00:53:32,544 --> 00:53:34,880
I started at the bottom, you know?
866
00:53:35,755 --> 00:53:38,800
I was on the sink for six weeks
before I got a look-in.
867
00:53:40,385 --> 00:53:42,804
It's all about
keeping your eyes peeled.
868
00:53:44,014 --> 00:53:46,558
These tongues are
a pain in the neck.
869
00:53:46,683 --> 00:53:48,643
Can't get into the crevices.
870
00:53:50,270 --> 00:53:53,064
- Is that a pig's tongue?
- Lamb's tongue.
871
00:53:54,357 --> 00:53:57,235
Couldn't get a pig's tongue
in your mouth. Stick in your throat.
872
00:53:58,194 --> 00:54:00,280
Would it?
873
00:54:02,032 --> 00:54:05,911
You look quite attractive in white.
Suits you.
874
00:54:14,669 --> 00:54:17,088
Those are skins. Chuck 'em away.
875
00:54:25,805 --> 00:54:27,015
Good.
876
00:54:54,918 --> 00:54:58,046
Hey. You got rhythm, you know?
877
00:54:59,005 --> 00:55:01,174
Here, have some more.
878
00:55:01,299 --> 00:55:03,343
You done really well today.
879
00:55:03,468 --> 00:55:05,512
- Have I?
- Yeah.
880
00:55:05,637 --> 00:55:08,098
I'm really pleased with you.
881
00:55:08,223 --> 00:55:11,226
You're quite a tasty little worker,
you know?
882
00:55:30,495 --> 00:55:32,956
- That's nice.
- Bit old-fashioned, though, innit?
883
00:55:33,081 --> 00:55:36,167
Black skirt, white blouse, traditional.
I like it.
884
00:55:36,292 --> 00:55:38,628
Oh, Andy,
me legs are like jelly sticks.
885
00:55:38,753 --> 00:55:41,673
- I'm sorry I said I'd do it now.
- Just go for it.
886
00:55:41,798 --> 00:55:45,427
- You wore that for Joan's wedding.
- Blimey, yeah! Poor Joan.
887
00:55:45,552 --> 00:55:48,680
- Poor Donald.
- What about Tracey?
888
00:55:49,389 --> 00:55:51,599
- I like this.
- Now you're talking.
889
00:55:51,725 --> 00:55:53,518
- That's the one, innit?
- Yeah.
890
00:55:53,643 --> 00:55:57,772
- I preferred the white.
- Oh, blimey. I'm gonna be late.
891
00:55:58,898 --> 00:56:01,735
Hey, Andy,
do you remember this? Ha-ha!
892
00:56:11,119 --> 00:56:14,330
- You do us any tea, Wen?
- There's chicken casserole in the oven.
893
00:56:14,456 --> 00:56:16,207
That's nice.
894
00:56:18,251 --> 00:56:19,461
You hungry?
895
00:56:19,586 --> 00:56:22,464
I went to this old girl's house today,
right?
896
00:56:22,589 --> 00:56:25,008
She had her dead dog
lying on the sofa.
897
00:56:25,133 --> 00:56:27,177
- She never?
- Eh?
898
00:56:27,302 --> 00:56:30,263
No, the skin,
spread out like a rug.
899
00:56:30,388 --> 00:56:32,265
- Oh, charming.
- Eugh!
900
00:56:32,390 --> 00:56:35,518
She had arthritic hands.
Couldn't turn her tap on.
901
00:56:35,643 --> 00:56:37,353
- Thought it was bust.
- Oh.
902
00:56:37,479 --> 00:56:41,441
I went straight to it, gave it a good twist
and it was perfectly all right.
903
00:56:41,566 --> 00:56:42,984
What'd you do, then?
904
00:56:43,109 --> 00:56:45,528
I changed the washer for her
so she didn't look stupid.
905
00:56:45,653 --> 00:56:48,531
- Oh, that's a good girl.
- Did you charge her a call-out?
906
00:56:48,656 --> 00:56:52,035
Well, I had to. You know
what they're like. Didn't want to.
907
00:56:52,160 --> 00:56:55,038
- Where's this, then?
- Off the A10 somewhere.
908
00:56:56,289 --> 00:56:59,834
She said she'd give me some toffee,
only she couldn't find her ration book.
909
00:56:59,959 --> 00:57:02,420
- Did she?
- Oh, bless her.
910
00:57:02,545 --> 00:57:05,423
- Know what a ration book is?
- Course I do.
911
00:57:05,548 --> 00:57:09,302
- Meet all sorts in your business.
- And she kept calling me "a good lad".
912
00:57:09,427 --> 00:57:11,137
- She never?
- Yeah.
913
00:57:11,262 --> 00:57:14,516
You should've said to her,
"Listen, I'm a Miss."
914
00:57:14,641 --> 00:57:18,144
- Nah, no point.
- More interesting than my job.
915
00:57:18,269 --> 00:57:22,232
Same every day. We had a bloke
slice the end off his finger this morning.
916
00:57:22,357 --> 00:57:25,110
- What, right off?
- No, there was a flap.
917
00:57:25,235 --> 00:57:27,403
- No, Andy, don't!
- Christ.
918
00:57:27,529 --> 00:57:30,073
Lot of blood.
No, it was his own fault.
919
00:57:30,198 --> 00:57:32,367
I've a very good accident record,
as it happens.
920
00:57:32,492 --> 00:57:35,245
- Yeah, we know.
- No, it's true.
921
00:57:35,370 --> 00:57:39,082
Cos I drum it into 'em,
"Health and safety, health and safety!"
922
00:57:39,207 --> 00:57:42,001
- Still, always get someone showing off.
- Yeah.
923
00:57:42,127 --> 00:57:44,546
- Blimey, I haven't done me nails!
- Let's leave her in peace.
924
00:57:44,671 --> 00:57:48,216
- She's gotta get ready for her big night.
- And shut the door!
925
00:57:54,472 --> 00:57:56,099
Oh, Wendy!
926
00:57:57,517 --> 00:57:59,477
You look fantastic,
you know that, Wendy?
927
00:57:59,602 --> 00:58:02,021
Thanks. I didn't want to let you down,
you know?
928
00:58:02,147 --> 00:58:03,314
You haven't.
929
00:58:03,439 --> 00:58:07,569
I've had six different blouses on tonight.
As long as you're happy.
930
00:58:07,694 --> 00:58:09,904
You're... superb.
931
00:58:12,323 --> 00:58:14,325
Is that what you're wearing?
932
00:58:14,450 --> 00:58:17,912
"Lend your hat, we're having soup."
That's what me mum used to say.
933
00:58:30,466 --> 00:58:31,885
You hungry?
934
00:58:33,344 --> 00:58:35,847
I'll buy you fish and chips later,
you know?
935
00:58:35,972 --> 00:58:37,557
Will ya?
936
00:58:39,809 --> 00:58:41,227
I might.
937
00:58:50,528 --> 00:58:52,530
- So you've got tripe souffle.
- Yeah.
938
00:58:52,655 --> 00:58:54,115
- Kidney vol-au-vent.
- Vol-au-vents, yeah.
939
00:58:54,240 --> 00:58:56,201
We had them on me 21st.
They're nice.
940
00:58:56,326 --> 00:58:57,952
- That's with a whole kidney.
- Ugh!
941
00:58:58,077 --> 00:59:00,705
- King prawn in jam sauce.
- Oh, yeah. Just the one.
942
00:59:00,830 --> 00:59:03,958
- Chilled brains. Speak for themselves.
- Oh, not brains.
943
00:59:04,083 --> 00:59:06,502
Prune quiche.
That's one for our vegetarian friends.
944
00:59:06,628 --> 00:59:08,963
- Right.
- Black pudding and Camembert soup.
945
00:59:09,088 --> 00:59:11,424
- Oh, no, don't.
- Boiled bacon consommé.
946
00:59:11,549 --> 00:59:13,760
"Consomme",
that's the same as soup, innit?
947
00:59:13,885 --> 00:59:17,096
- Basically the bacon water.
- What your mum gives you when you're ill.
948
00:59:17,222 --> 00:59:20,225
- And a saveloy on a bed of lychees.
- You got a Chinese-y one.
949
00:59:20,350 --> 00:59:22,185
That's your hors d'oeuvres,
and on to your entrées.
950
00:59:22,310 --> 00:59:24,729
Right. So this is me main courses
type of thing.
951
00:59:24,854 --> 00:59:27,565
What's that one there?
"Pork" what? "Pork list"?
952
00:59:27,690 --> 00:59:30,026
- Pork cyst.
- Cyst?
953
00:59:30,151 --> 00:59:32,237
- Yeah.
- You're joking me.
954
00:59:32,362 --> 00:59:35,365
- No.
- It's not called "cyst"! Ha-ha!
955
00:59:35,490 --> 00:59:37,492
- Me dad had one of them.
- Did he?
956
00:59:37,617 --> 00:59:39,661
Yeah. Underneath.
957
00:59:39,786 --> 00:59:43,706
Hey, cough. Ha-ha!
Ah, bless him. What is it?
958
00:59:43,831 --> 00:59:47,085
- It's like a dumpling, you know?
- Oh, I couldn't.
959
00:59:48,628 --> 00:59:51,130
- Then we have duck in chocolate sauce.
- Yeah.
960
00:59:51,256 --> 00:59:54,342
- Tongues in a rhubarb hollandaise.
- Oh, no!
961
00:59:54,467 --> 00:59:56,135
- Liver in lager.
- Mm.
962
00:59:56,261 --> 00:59:58,179
And clams in ham.
963
00:59:58,304 --> 01:00:01,057
That's with a pan-fried
cockle-based sauce.
964
01:00:01,182 --> 01:00:03,559
Or quails on a bed of spinach
with treacle.
965
01:00:03,685 --> 01:00:06,688
Or my "pied de resistance",
grilled trotters with eggs over easy.
966
01:00:06,813 --> 01:00:10,400
- Right. What's "over easy"?
- Stateside. Sunny-side up.
967
01:00:10,525 --> 01:00:12,819
Oh, yeah. I like 'em turned.
968
01:00:12,944 --> 01:00:14,862
Blimey, Aubrey,
I'll never remember all this.
969
01:00:14,988 --> 01:00:17,740
You'll be fine.
Any problems, refer 'em to me.
970
01:00:17,865 --> 01:00:19,826
But you'll be in the kitchen cooking.
971
01:00:19,951 --> 01:00:23,496
I'll be in here, out there, everywhere.
I'll be chef patron, you know?
972
01:00:23,621 --> 01:00:26,624
You should've had your menus
printed up like I told you.
973
01:00:26,749 --> 01:00:27,917
Yeah, no sweat.
974
01:00:28,042 --> 01:00:32,505
I want this restaurant to be built on
a one-to-one, mouth-to-mouth reputation.
975
01:00:34,007 --> 01:00:37,552
- Would you like a glass of wine?
- No, me stomach's all of a go with nerves.
976
01:00:37,677 --> 01:00:41,723
- Go on, it might settle you down.
- Just half a glass.
977
01:00:42,765 --> 01:00:46,769
- Blimey, I forgot! I got something for you.
- Have you? Great.
978
01:00:46,894 --> 01:00:48,396
All right?
979
01:00:50,231 --> 01:00:52,233
I wanna go for a fag.
980
01:00:53,735 --> 01:00:55,486
What?
981
01:00:55,611 --> 01:00:57,322
Now?
982
01:00:57,447 --> 01:00:59,365
We're busy.
983
01:00:59,490 --> 01:01:00,950
Are we?
984
01:01:02,368 --> 01:01:06,414
Go on, then. Be quick.
Just have half of one.
985
01:01:06,539 --> 01:01:09,792
With a bit of luck,
I'll get me fortune told later.
986
01:01:09,917 --> 01:01:11,461
Feel free.
987
01:01:12,253 --> 01:01:14,839
- Got a little card for ya.
- Thanks very much.
988
01:01:14,964 --> 01:01:18,384
- From me and Andy and the girls.
- That's fantastic.
989
01:01:18,509 --> 01:01:21,137
That's brilliant, really marvellous.
You're a really attractive woman.
990
01:01:21,262 --> 01:01:23,222
Thanks very much. Really.
991
01:01:23,348 --> 01:01:26,225
All the best. Good luck.
992
01:01:26,351 --> 01:01:27,852
Thank you.
993
01:01:35,026 --> 01:01:38,446
- We are now officially open!
- Blimey, sorry, sorry.
994
01:01:51,709 --> 01:01:56,089
Far as I'm concerned, football died
the day Arsenal won the double.
995
01:01:56,214 --> 01:01:58,341
That's right, yeah.
996
01:01:58,466 --> 01:02:01,844
- What was they? Workhorses.
- Boring buggers, ain't they?
997
01:02:01,969 --> 01:02:04,389
Whereas the Spurs double team,
they was artists.
998
01:02:04,514 --> 01:02:06,391
Yeah, they was artists.
999
01:02:07,433 --> 01:02:10,645
Twenty-one quid a week they got.
Can you imagine?
1000
01:02:10,770 --> 01:02:12,814
What do they get today? Millions.
1001
01:02:12,939 --> 01:02:15,149
Then they got the backhanders
on top of that.
1002
01:02:15,274 --> 01:02:17,902
Poncing around the penalty area
with their handbags.
1003
01:02:18,027 --> 01:02:19,529
Prima donnas.
1004
01:02:19,654 --> 01:02:22,490
"Oh, he kicked me, ref."
1005
01:02:26,202 --> 01:02:28,663
Brown, Baker...
1006
01:02:28,788 --> 01:02:31,165
- Henry.
- Blanchflower.
1007
01:02:31,290 --> 01:02:33,334
- Danny Boy.
- Yeah.
1008
01:02:33,459 --> 01:02:35,753
He was the architect
of the modern game.
1009
01:02:35,878 --> 01:02:37,380
That's right.
1010
01:02:37,505 --> 01:02:39,465
Norman, Mackay...
1011
01:02:39,590 --> 01:02:41,259
- Jones.
- Jones, White.
1012
01:02:41,384 --> 01:02:43,052
- Smith.
- Allen, Dyson.
1013
01:02:43,177 --> 01:02:45,596
Yeah!
Come on, you Spurs!
1014
01:02:45,721 --> 01:02:49,142
- John White... What a player, eh?
- Yeah.
1015
01:02:49,267 --> 01:02:53,479
I used to have a little picture
of him on my wall, ringed in black.
1016
01:02:53,604 --> 01:02:56,607
- Yeah, tragic.
- What a way to go.
1017
01:02:56,732 --> 01:02:59,485
- Struck by lightning.
- On a golf course.
1018
01:02:59,610 --> 01:03:01,612
What a waste, eh?
1019
01:03:03,364 --> 01:03:05,491
Do you want another?
1020
01:03:05,616 --> 01:03:07,618
Yeah, all right.
1021
01:03:07,743 --> 01:03:09,454
Want something with it?
1022
01:03:09,579 --> 01:03:12,331
- Yeah. Rum and black.
- Large one?
1023
01:03:12,457 --> 01:03:14,584
- Yeah, all right.
- Yeah.
1024
01:03:20,548 --> 01:03:25,178
The thing is, people don't like
to venture out too early, do they?
1025
01:03:25,303 --> 01:03:27,472
No, not on a Tuesday, no.
1026
01:03:27,597 --> 01:03:30,641
No, they like to go home,
have a bath,
1027
01:03:30,766 --> 01:03:35,480
chill out, have their tea,
and then go out to eat.
1028
01:03:35,605 --> 01:03:38,024
Did you put an advert
in the paper?
1029
01:03:38,149 --> 01:03:40,776
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1030
01:03:40,902 --> 01:03:42,987
No, I didn't, actually.
1031
01:03:43,112 --> 01:03:46,657
You should've had cards printed.
I could've given 'em out in the shop.
1032
01:03:46,782 --> 01:03:49,160
I didn't want to attract
the wrong sort of people.
1033
01:03:49,285 --> 01:03:52,121
Oh, charming!
Thanks very much, Aubrey.
1034
01:03:53,873 --> 01:03:56,125
Would you like another glass
of wine, Wendy?
1035
01:03:56,250 --> 01:03:59,170
Yeah, go on, all right.
I'll keep you company.
1036
01:04:02,298 --> 01:04:03,799
Great hands.
1037
01:04:08,888 --> 01:04:11,974
- Do you think you'll ever have kids?
- No.
1038
01:04:12,099 --> 01:04:14,894
You're pretty sure for one so young.
1039
01:04:15,019 --> 01:04:18,523
What, and look like a tank
for nine months? Give me a break.
1040
01:04:18,648 --> 01:04:21,859
Is that all you're worried about,
what you'll look like?
1041
01:04:21,984 --> 01:04:24,654
- I'd make a good mother.
- Oh, would ya?
1042
01:04:24,779 --> 01:04:26,155
Yeah.
1043
01:04:27,448 --> 01:04:29,742
Why? Do you want kids?
1044
01:04:29,867 --> 01:04:32,370
Yeah, in the fullness of time.
1045
01:04:32,495 --> 01:04:34,372
- Do you?
- Course.
1046
01:04:35,706 --> 01:04:38,042
You've gotta have a boyfriend first.
1047
01:04:38,167 --> 01:04:42,046
Yeah, one does generally
need a bloke. This is true.
1048
01:04:42,171 --> 01:04:43,714
Not doing very well, are ya?
1049
01:04:43,839 --> 01:04:47,843
Well, I haven't seen your men
exactly queuing up in droves.
1050
01:04:47,969 --> 01:04:49,595
You don't know.
1051
01:04:50,805 --> 01:04:55,059
They sneak around here in the daytime,
do they, when no one's in?
1052
01:04:55,184 --> 01:04:57,353
Anyway, you don't need a bloke
to have a kid.
1053
01:04:57,478 --> 01:05:00,481
I wouldn't fancy bringing one up
on me own.
1054
01:05:00,606 --> 01:05:03,025
It's better to be on your own
than with a bastard.
1055
01:05:03,150 --> 01:05:06,445
Well, presumably, you wouldn't
choose a bastard in the first place
1056
01:05:06,571 --> 01:05:08,072
if you had any sense.
1057
01:05:08,197 --> 01:05:09,699
All men are bastards.
1058
01:05:09,824 --> 01:05:12,285
- What?
- They're all potential rapists.
1059
01:05:12,410 --> 01:05:14,161
That's a bit sweeping.
1060
01:05:14,287 --> 01:05:18,291
- All men have got the ability to rape.
- They don't all do it, do they?
1061
01:05:18,416 --> 01:05:20,793
If they've got the ability,
they've got the desire.
1062
01:05:20,918 --> 01:05:22,670
That's paranoid rubbish.
1063
01:05:22,795 --> 01:05:24,755
What do you know about paranoia?
1064
01:05:24,880 --> 01:05:28,009
Not half as much as you do,
I'll give you that.
1065
01:05:29,176 --> 01:05:31,262
You'll find out
when you get to America.
1066
01:05:31,387 --> 01:05:34,724
- I'm only going on a holiday.
- So?
1067
01:05:34,849 --> 01:05:36,892
You think I'm gonna get
yanked off the plane
1068
01:05:37,018 --> 01:05:40,479
at John F Kennedy Airport
and be raped and pillaged, do you?
1069
01:05:40,605 --> 01:05:43,691
You've got to be on your guard.
1070
01:05:43,816 --> 01:05:46,402
- Did you hear what I just said?
- What?
1071
01:05:46,527 --> 01:05:48,821
"Yanked." Get it?
1072
01:05:49,572 --> 01:05:52,575
- What?
- "Yanked." America.
1073
01:05:54,660 --> 01:05:56,078
Racist!
1074
01:06:12,053 --> 01:06:14,680
There's another
bloody couple coming.
1075
01:06:15,973 --> 01:06:19,310
Yeah.
Yeah, they're coming this way.
1076
01:06:21,145 --> 01:06:22,897
Definitely!
1077
01:06:23,022 --> 01:06:24,940
Do you want me to tell Paula again?
1078
01:06:25,775 --> 01:06:27,985
Yeah. Action stations!
1079
01:06:32,114 --> 01:06:33,491
No...
1080
01:06:34,408 --> 01:06:35,910
Shit!
1081
01:06:40,164 --> 01:06:42,166
Fucking yuppies!
1082
01:07:01,560 --> 01:07:04,146
- They went straight past.
- Did they?
1083
01:07:04,271 --> 01:07:06,649
Well, perhaps they weren't hungry.
1084
01:07:08,150 --> 01:07:10,152
Where's Pauline?
1085
01:07:10,277 --> 01:07:13,072
- She's sitting on your work surface.
- Is she?
1086
01:07:13,197 --> 01:07:15,199
Yeah, she's picking.
1087
01:07:17,326 --> 01:07:18,661
Right.
1088
01:07:39,056 --> 01:07:41,642
Don't sit up there, Pauline.
1089
01:07:41,767 --> 01:07:43,436
It's unhygienic.
1090
01:07:44,603 --> 01:07:46,439
Cross-infection.
1091
01:07:48,441 --> 01:07:50,943
These stocks are reducing nicely.
1092
01:07:52,528 --> 01:07:57,283
Secret of a great sauce
is a well-reduced stock.
1093
01:07:59,702 --> 01:08:01,537
No stock, no sauce.
1094
01:08:03,205 --> 01:08:04,957
Key to the door.
1095
01:08:19,763 --> 01:08:22,683
You're working with a genius.
1096
01:08:22,808 --> 01:08:24,518
Do you know that?
1097
01:08:26,020 --> 01:08:28,689
I'm not just a wanker, you know?
1098
01:08:30,149 --> 01:08:33,569
I could teach you things
you never even dreamed of.
1099
01:08:36,947 --> 01:08:38,574
I'm a magician.
1100
01:08:39,658 --> 01:08:41,702
I want a drink.
1101
01:08:45,706 --> 01:08:48,792
There's plenty of orange juice in there.
Help yourself.
1102
01:08:49,710 --> 01:08:52,421
I want some wine.
1103
01:08:52,546 --> 01:08:55,591
I can't have you gettin' drunk.
1104
01:08:55,716 --> 01:08:57,968
Kitchen's a very dangerous place.
1105
01:08:58,093 --> 01:08:59,803
She's got wine.
1106
01:09:06,727 --> 01:09:10,231
Me and Wendy,
we go back a long way.
1107
01:09:10,356 --> 01:09:11,982
You know?
1108
01:09:12,107 --> 01:09:14,109
I'm an old friend of the family.
1109
01:09:16,987 --> 01:09:18,197
Mm...
1110
01:09:26,914 --> 01:09:28,749
Classic nose.
1111
01:09:38,384 --> 01:09:40,219
Here.
1112
01:09:58,028 --> 01:09:59,405
Here.
1113
01:10:01,448 --> 01:10:03,450
Have you seen these?
1114
01:10:03,575 --> 01:10:05,577
What you got there?
1115
01:10:07,204 --> 01:10:09,039
Let's have a look.
1116
01:10:11,250 --> 01:10:13,961
Ah! A pocket telly.
1117
01:10:14,086 --> 01:10:15,546
Yeah.
1118
01:10:17,881 --> 01:10:19,925
Can I have a butcher's?
1119
01:10:20,050 --> 01:10:21,510
Feel free.
1120
01:10:25,431 --> 01:10:27,891
Ah! It's good, innit?
1121
01:10:28,017 --> 01:10:29,852
Yeah, neat.
1122
01:10:29,977 --> 01:10:31,854
Let's have a go.
1123
01:10:31,979 --> 01:10:33,355
Hey!
1124
01:10:33,480 --> 01:10:36,317
Leave it out, you prannit.
1125
01:10:36,442 --> 01:10:39,737
- Hey, seen these?
- Give us it. Give us it back.
1126
01:10:41,488 --> 01:10:43,699
How much do you want for that, then?
1127
01:10:44,825 --> 01:10:48,662
Well, I could...
let you have it half-price.
1128
01:10:50,205 --> 01:10:52,041
A hundred nicker.
1129
01:10:53,292 --> 01:10:54,877
Nice, innit?
1130
01:10:55,002 --> 01:10:58,797
Yeah. Be tasty on the salad wagon.
1131
01:10:58,922 --> 01:11:00,341
Wouldn't it?
1132
01:11:00,466 --> 01:11:02,509
Nah. I can't afford it.
1133
01:11:04,178 --> 01:11:06,180
What about that hundred?
1134
01:11:07,306 --> 01:11:10,392
- What hundred?
- That hundred you never gave me.
1135
01:11:10,517 --> 01:11:15,522
You know, if someone would've
turned up with that 25 years ago...
1136
01:11:16,815 --> 01:11:20,402
...and said they were a bloody Martian,
you'd have had to believe him.
1137
01:11:20,527 --> 01:11:24,031
Yeah, yeah.
You don't want it?
1138
01:11:24,156 --> 01:11:28,160
No, Patsy, I don't want it.
I don't want anything.
1139
01:11:28,285 --> 01:11:29,995
Mean bastard.
1140
01:11:35,125 --> 01:11:38,337
Ha! Ha-ha! Ha-ha!
1141
01:11:38,462 --> 01:11:40,547
Come on, you bastards!
1142
01:11:40,672 --> 01:11:44,468
I'm open. I'm ready. I'm waitin' for you.
1143
01:11:44,593 --> 01:11:47,096
This is what you've all been waiting for!
1144
01:11:47,221 --> 01:11:48,847
Come and get it!
1145
01:11:50,808 --> 01:11:53,894
Fishwives! Footballers!
1146
01:11:54,603 --> 01:11:56,772
You English dickheads!
1147
01:11:58,440 --> 01:12:02,444
Stick to your fish and chips!
Go on, go and get cancer!
1148
01:12:02,569 --> 01:12:06,615
- £1,000. £10,000!
- Aubrey, stop shouting, right?
1149
01:12:06,740 --> 01:12:08,909
- Gourmet cooking!
- Stop shouting.
1150
01:12:09,034 --> 01:12:11,870
You working-class morons!
1151
01:12:11,995 --> 01:12:14,665
Go and eat your own shit! Go on!
1152
01:12:14,790 --> 01:12:16,792
- Go on!
- Get inside.
1153
01:12:18,794 --> 01:12:21,630
That is enough. No more!
1154
01:12:22,673 --> 01:12:25,801
Right?
Cos you're being a naughty boy.
1155
01:12:27,219 --> 01:12:29,430
- Marry me, Wendy.
- What?
1156
01:12:29,555 --> 01:12:31,723
I wanna marry you.
1157
01:12:33,517 --> 01:12:35,936
Now, stop it. Aubrey, stop it!
1158
01:12:36,061 --> 01:12:37,479
Get off!
1159
01:12:38,730 --> 01:12:41,191
I love you. You know?
1160
01:12:41,316 --> 01:12:44,194
Now, don't be stupid, right?
I'm already married.
1161
01:12:44,319 --> 01:12:46,321
I'm married to Andy.
1162
01:12:46,447 --> 01:12:49,032
I love Andy. He's my best friend.
1163
01:12:49,158 --> 01:12:52,119
Yeah. We're very fond of you.
Now you know that.
1164
01:12:52,244 --> 01:12:55,497
I don't care!
I don't care if you're married to Andy!
1165
01:12:55,622 --> 01:12:58,459
You can still marry me.
You don't have to tell him.
1166
01:12:58,584 --> 01:13:01,086
Now, stop it, right? Sit down.
1167
01:13:01,211 --> 01:13:02,754
Sit down.
1168
01:13:05,632 --> 01:13:07,551
What are you doing?
1169
01:13:07,676 --> 01:13:10,429
Get off me.
Aubrey, stop it, now!
1170
01:13:11,638 --> 01:13:13,849
I wanna fuck you, Wendy.
1171
01:13:13,974 --> 01:13:16,518
Stop talking like that.
Just stop it, right?
1172
01:13:16,643 --> 01:13:20,189
Andy won't let me come here again.
You hear me? He won't.
1173
01:13:20,314 --> 01:13:22,691
I worship the ground you walk on.
1174
01:13:22,816 --> 01:13:26,195
Look, you're bending down.
That means you're gonna be sick.
1175
01:13:26,320 --> 01:13:28,197
I kiss your feet.
1176
01:13:28,322 --> 01:13:32,326
There might be a bit of doggy on me shoes,
and you're not gonna like that, so get up!
1177
01:13:32,451 --> 01:13:34,077
- Nicola.
- What?
1178
01:13:34,203 --> 01:13:36,580
Oh, Nicola.
1179
01:13:36,705 --> 01:13:40,667
Nicola's not here, right?
She's at home, saving the world.
1180
01:13:40,792 --> 01:13:43,420
Look, you've got vodka
all down your suit.
1181
01:13:43,545 --> 01:13:46,006
That's your best suit
you bought for tonight, right?
1182
01:13:47,132 --> 01:13:49,343
It's all right. I don't want it.
1183
01:13:49,468 --> 01:13:52,554
- What? Sit down.
- I want Andy to have it.
1184
01:13:52,679 --> 01:13:55,432
- Andy doesn't want it.
- Yeah, he's a poor man.
1185
01:13:55,557 --> 01:13:58,060
- Andy's got a suit.
- No, he can wear it...
1186
01:13:58,185 --> 01:14:00,562
in the fuckin' stupid caravan.
1187
01:14:00,687 --> 01:14:03,524
- Now, stop that.
- Stupid fuckin'...
1188
01:14:03,649 --> 01:14:05,275
Behave yourself!
1189
01:14:05,400 --> 01:14:07,778
He can have the suit,
cos he's all scruffy.
1190
01:14:07,903 --> 01:14:09,947
- What are you doing?
- I'm gonna give him the suit.
1191
01:14:10,072 --> 01:14:13,158
Leave your trousers on, Aubrey.
Leave your trousers on.
1192
01:14:13,283 --> 01:14:15,661
- Behave. Leave your trousers on.
- Give him my suit.
1193
01:14:15,786 --> 01:14:18,121
I love him and Nicky...
1194
01:14:18,247 --> 01:14:19,748
I'll tell you what...
1195
01:14:20,874 --> 01:14:23,126
What are you doing now?
You're gonna fall.
1196
01:14:23,252 --> 01:14:25,170
No, I'm not drunk, right?
1197
01:14:25,295 --> 01:14:29,508
- I'm not drunk.
- Aubrey, stop it!
1198
01:14:30,592 --> 01:14:33,303
Now, behave yourself, right?
You're being silly!
1199
01:14:34,388 --> 01:14:35,973
Aubrey!
1200
01:14:37,724 --> 01:14:40,102
- Aubrey, will you stop it?
- No!
1201
01:14:40,227 --> 01:14:42,104
You're behaving like an idiot.
Listen to me.
1202
01:14:42,229 --> 01:14:45,107
- ♪ No regrets...
- You don't do any more.
1203
01:14:45,232 --> 01:14:48,360
- ♪ No regrets, no...
- Now, stop it, Aubrey!
1204
01:14:50,362 --> 01:14:52,447
♪ No regrets
1205
01:15:03,208 --> 01:15:06,628
♪ No... regret... ♪
1206
01:15:33,363 --> 01:15:34,781
Blimey.
1207
01:15:35,991 --> 01:15:37,659
Shame, though, innit?
1208
01:15:38,744 --> 01:15:40,871
Come on, Paula. We're going.
1209
01:15:40,996 --> 01:15:42,831
Oh, look at me.
1210
01:15:43,999 --> 01:15:46,918
That's all right.
He'll find 'em there in the morning.
1211
01:15:47,044 --> 01:15:49,338
Oh, what a night!
1212
01:15:49,463 --> 01:15:52,716
I'll tell you what... never again.
1213
01:15:54,217 --> 01:15:56,219
What a mistake.
1214
01:15:57,554 --> 01:15:59,473
It's all right, he's only asleep.
1215
01:15:59,598 --> 01:16:02,601
He's not dead.
No need to be frightened.
1216
01:16:02,726 --> 01:16:05,479
- I'm not frightened.
- Eh?
1217
01:16:05,604 --> 01:16:08,398
- Nowt to be frightened of.
- All right.
1218
01:16:09,358 --> 01:16:11,360
Is this your little coat?
1219
01:16:11,485 --> 01:16:13,362
Here's your bag.
1220
01:16:13,487 --> 01:16:16,156
Now, how are you getting home?
1221
01:16:16,281 --> 01:16:17,699
Eh?
1222
01:16:17,824 --> 01:16:19,951
- Bus.
- Right. Got your fare?
1223
01:16:20,077 --> 01:16:23,121
Where's your little purse? In here?
Where's your cigarettes?
1224
01:16:23,246 --> 01:16:25,749
- In me pocket.
- Right. Come on, then.
1225
01:16:28,752 --> 01:16:30,754
What's the matter?
1226
01:16:32,089 --> 01:16:33,548
Eh?
1227
01:16:33,674 --> 01:16:36,677
- We're going for chips.
- Who's going for chips?
1228
01:16:36,802 --> 01:16:38,595
Me and Aubrey.
1229
01:16:38,720 --> 01:16:41,348
Aubrey's in a coma.
He doesn't want any chips.
1230
01:16:41,473 --> 01:16:44,309
Well, he'll be hungry
when he wakes up, won't he?
1231
01:16:44,434 --> 01:16:46,186
Stands to reason.
1232
01:16:47,020 --> 01:16:50,565
- All right, I'll buy you chips.
- I don't want no chips.
1233
01:16:50,691 --> 01:16:53,652
All right, well,
I won't buy you chips.
1234
01:16:53,777 --> 01:16:57,280
Come on, Paula.
Tell you what, take your hat off.
1235
01:16:57,406 --> 01:17:00,617
Put your coat on. We don't want
to frighten people, do we?
1236
01:17:06,665 --> 01:17:08,875
Oh... Nicola.
1237
01:17:13,630 --> 01:17:15,882
Blimey, hark at him.
1238
01:17:16,967 --> 01:17:20,846
Look, I tell you what,
I'll run you to the bus stop, okay?
1239
01:17:23,014 --> 01:17:26,935
Paula...
are you coming with me?
1240
01:17:28,562 --> 01:17:30,605
I'm stoppin' here.
1241
01:17:32,566 --> 01:17:34,735
You can't stop here.
1242
01:17:37,821 --> 01:17:39,781
Please, Paula.
1243
01:17:41,992 --> 01:17:43,535
Come on.
1244
01:18:08,810 --> 01:18:10,604
Blinkin' heck!
1245
01:18:34,628 --> 01:18:35,921
Andy?
1246
01:18:37,589 --> 01:18:39,758
- Andy!
- What...?
1247
01:18:41,426 --> 01:18:45,138
- Oh, blimey! What are you doing?
- Hmm?
1248
01:18:45,263 --> 01:18:47,057
Tidying up.
1249
01:18:47,182 --> 01:18:50,060
- You're not having no lager!
- Get us a lager, Nat.
1250
01:18:50,185 --> 01:18:53,188
- You must be joking.
- You've had enough lager for tonight.
1251
01:18:53,313 --> 01:18:55,190
Get up the stairs.
1252
01:18:55,315 --> 01:18:57,192
- What are you doing?
- Somebody at the door.
1253
01:18:57,317 --> 01:18:59,319
There's nobody at the door!
That's you!
1254
01:18:59,444 --> 01:19:02,781
You'll have Eileen banging on the wall,
and you won't like that.
1255
01:19:02,906 --> 01:19:04,908
- Where's the lager?
- In the fridge.
1256
01:19:05,033 --> 01:19:07,536
- Get up the stairs.
- All right, all right.
1257
01:19:07,661 --> 01:19:10,705
Look at the state of ya.
You've got your best trousers on.
1258
01:19:10,831 --> 01:19:13,041
You've got your new shoes.
Blimey!
1259
01:19:13,166 --> 01:19:16,044
- Now what? What are you doing?
- I'm gonna shut the caravan door.
1260
01:19:16,169 --> 01:19:18,547
- I've shut the caravan door!
- Is he gonna be sick?
1261
01:19:18,672 --> 01:19:21,550
- Don't you be sick on me, Andy.
- Nicola, shut the caravan door.
1262
01:19:21,675 --> 01:19:23,093
No!
1263
01:19:23,218 --> 01:19:26,555
- Brown, Baker, Henry...
- How did it go tonight?
1264
01:19:26,680 --> 01:19:29,182
- Terrible, if you must know.
- Why?
1265
01:19:29,307 --> 01:19:33,228
I'll tell you later. No, Andy.
Get in that toilet and do a wee.
1266
01:19:34,145 --> 01:19:36,439
Oh, blimey! Look, lift the seat!
1267
01:19:36,565 --> 01:19:38,775
I don't want me carpet
all soaking wet.
1268
01:19:38,900 --> 01:19:40,277
And close the door!
1269
01:19:40,402 --> 01:19:43,113
You've got two daughters!
What's the matter with ya?
1270
01:19:43,238 --> 01:19:45,365
That's what's the matter,
I've got two daughters!
1271
01:19:45,490 --> 01:19:47,492
- Shut up!
- What did I tell ya?
1272
01:19:47,617 --> 01:19:51,329
- What happened at the restaurant?
- How many tips did you score?
1273
01:19:51,454 --> 01:19:54,791
Nothing happened at the restaurant,
right? And keep it out!
1274
01:19:54,916 --> 01:19:58,420
I've had enough for one night.
I'm up to here with the lot of ya!
1275
01:20:29,826 --> 01:20:32,704
He could be dead this morning, Andy.
I'm not kidding.
1276
01:20:32,829 --> 01:20:35,415
All that broken glass,
he might've severed an artery.
1277
01:20:35,540 --> 01:20:38,001
Should've called the police,
shouldn't I?
1278
01:20:38,126 --> 01:20:40,128
I feel like Princess Margaret.
1279
01:20:40,253 --> 01:20:42,547
I could've killed you last night.
1280
01:20:42,672 --> 01:20:45,926
I'll drop in on him on me way back
from work, tell him he was out of order.
1281
01:20:46,051 --> 01:20:47,719
- Will you?
- Yeah.
1282
01:20:47,844 --> 01:20:50,138
Suppose I've lost
me hundred quid now, haven't I?
1283
01:20:50,263 --> 01:20:53,058
I'll get it off him.
He's not gonna get away with that.
1284
01:20:53,183 --> 01:20:56,478
Outrageous behaviour.
I've gotta go, Wen.
1285
01:20:56,603 --> 01:20:59,147
- See you tonight.
- Yeah. I'll be late.
1286
01:21:00,065 --> 01:21:01,858
Where are you going?
1287
01:21:01,983 --> 01:21:05,111
- I'm meeting Patsy for a drink.
- You're not.
1288
01:21:05,236 --> 01:21:07,155
Got ya.
1289
01:21:07,280 --> 01:21:09,532
- Ooh!
- Get out.
1290
01:21:49,531 --> 01:21:51,574
Come on, let's go up.
1291
01:21:53,076 --> 01:21:54,119
No.
1292
01:21:54,869 --> 01:21:56,079
What?
1293
01:21:56,913 --> 01:21:59,582
- Not yet.
- You know you want it.
1294
01:22:00,542 --> 01:22:02,002
- Do I?
- Yeah.
1295
01:22:02,127 --> 01:22:04,921
- How do you know?
- Synchronicity.
1296
01:22:08,925 --> 01:22:10,176
Shut up!
1297
01:22:12,178 --> 01:22:13,680
I don't want "it".
1298
01:22:13,805 --> 01:22:16,099
- What do you mean?
- I want you.
1299
01:22:16,224 --> 01:22:18,184
Sentimentalist.
1300
01:22:18,309 --> 01:22:20,520
No, no, no. I come in,
we go straight upstairs,
1301
01:22:20,645 --> 01:22:23,606
we do it...
bingo, you're a pain in the ass.
1302
01:22:23,732 --> 01:22:25,775
I don't want that.
I want to see you nice.
1303
01:22:25,900 --> 01:22:28,528
What's "nice"?
Only a boring cliché.
1304
01:22:28,653 --> 01:22:31,406
No, nice.
Show me a bit of civility, respect.
1305
01:22:31,531 --> 01:22:33,199
You don't show me no respect.
1306
01:22:33,324 --> 01:22:35,618
I'm trying to respect you now,
treat you like a real person,
1307
01:22:35,744 --> 01:22:37,829
instead of some fuckin' shag bag.
1308
01:22:39,748 --> 01:22:42,417
- Come on, talk to me.
- What about?
1309
01:22:42,542 --> 01:22:43,918
Anything.
1310
01:22:44,044 --> 01:22:46,671
Anything you think, anything you know.
1311
01:22:47,672 --> 01:22:49,466
- What do you care about?
- Eh?
1312
01:22:49,591 --> 01:22:52,802
You got all these fuckin' books,
"Women Who Love Men Too Much",
1313
01:22:52,927 --> 01:22:55,430
"Men Who Hate Women, Women
Who Love Them", "Women In Love",
1314
01:22:55,555 --> 01:22:57,557
"Women's Room", "Female Eunuch".
1315
01:22:58,308 --> 01:23:00,810
- Have you read any of that crap?
- What's it to you?
1316
01:23:00,935 --> 01:23:02,353
- Have ya?
- Course.
1317
01:23:02,479 --> 01:23:04,689
So what have you learned from it?
1318
01:23:06,691 --> 01:23:08,860
That I'm a feminist.
1319
01:23:08,985 --> 01:23:11,362
- What's a feminist?
- Oh, come on.
1320
01:23:11,488 --> 01:23:14,282
- No, no, no, what's it mean?
- Stop being antagonistic.
1321
01:23:14,407 --> 01:23:17,577
I'm not. I'm trying to have
an intelligent conversation with you.
1322
01:23:17,702 --> 01:23:20,330
Are you capable of that? Eh?
1323
01:23:26,086 --> 01:23:29,506
I don't think you are, are ya, really?
1324
01:23:30,965 --> 01:23:33,802
Bit vacant, ain't ya?
1325
01:23:33,927 --> 01:23:35,512
Bit of an airhead.
1326
01:23:35,637 --> 01:23:38,431
Nothing going on. A bit dumb.
1327
01:23:39,057 --> 01:23:41,684
A bit dizzy. Dimbo-bimbo.
Dumb-blonde stuff.
1328
01:23:41,810 --> 01:23:44,646
Ain't ya? Eh? Hello?
Anyone at home? Hello?
1329
01:23:44,771 --> 01:23:46,189
Hello?
1330
01:23:50,443 --> 01:23:52,445
You're a fake.
1331
01:24:00,662 --> 01:24:02,664
I am intelligent.
1332
01:24:07,502 --> 01:24:09,879
Are you coming upstairs?
1333
01:24:11,840 --> 01:24:13,049
No.
1334
01:24:14,425 --> 01:24:16,553
Well, piss off, then.
1335
01:24:19,556 --> 01:24:20,849
All right.
1336
01:24:57,677 --> 01:25:01,306
Blimey days, Nicola,
look at the state of you.
1337
01:25:01,431 --> 01:25:06,644
You're sittin' there like there's a grey
cloud over you. It's like the sun's gone in.
1338
01:25:06,769 --> 01:25:09,689
You've got no energy
cos you don't eat your dinners.
1339
01:25:09,814 --> 01:25:12,984
- And you've got no joy in your soul.
- How do you know?
1340
01:25:14,319 --> 01:25:17,780
I know because you've given up, cos
you're not happy. That's how I know.
1341
01:25:17,906 --> 01:25:20,074
I am happy.
1342
01:25:20,199 --> 01:25:24,329
You've lost all your friends. I don't see
them knocking on the door anymore.
1343
01:25:24,454 --> 01:25:27,457
I don't want friends.
They disappoint you.
1344
01:25:27,582 --> 01:25:29,918
You wanna change the world
and be political,
1345
01:25:30,043 --> 01:25:32,045
but I don't see you doing anything.
1346
01:25:32,170 --> 01:25:33,838
I am political.
1347
01:25:33,963 --> 01:25:35,798
And shut the door.
1348
01:25:40,720 --> 01:25:42,555
How are you political?
1349
01:25:42,680 --> 01:25:45,266
I read the paper.
I watch the news.
1350
01:25:45,391 --> 01:25:47,310
I'm more political than you.
1351
01:25:47,435 --> 01:25:49,437
Blimey, Nicola,
we can all watch the telly.
1352
01:25:49,562 --> 01:25:53,232
You should be out there helping
the pensioners or going on marches.
1353
01:25:53,358 --> 01:25:55,985
Marching's a waste of time. It's boring.
1354
01:25:56,110 --> 01:25:58,154
If you put your money where
your mouth is, you should be joining
1355
01:25:58,279 --> 01:26:00,698
one of these socialist whatsit groups
1356
01:26:00,823 --> 01:26:03,743
or the nuclear disarmament whatever,
but you don't.
1357
01:26:03,868 --> 01:26:07,580
All you do is sit in this room, staring
at the walls and tweaking and twitching.
1358
01:26:07,705 --> 01:26:10,083
And you're so perfect.
1359
01:26:11,167 --> 01:26:14,087
No, I'm not perfect,
but I haven't given up.
1360
01:26:14,212 --> 01:26:15,922
I'm still out there fighting.
1361
01:26:16,839 --> 01:26:19,342
And I tell you what,
every time I look out that window
1362
01:26:19,467 --> 01:26:23,137
and see that rusty caravan there,
do you know what it says to me?
1363
01:26:23,262 --> 01:26:27,517
It says, "There's a man who hasn't
given up, still looking for his dream."
1364
01:26:27,642 --> 01:26:30,353
It says to me, "There's a man
who's getting greedy."
1365
01:26:30,478 --> 01:26:32,981
Greedy? Your dad?
1366
01:26:33,898 --> 01:26:36,985
He's the most unselfish man
I've ever met.
1367
01:26:37,110 --> 01:26:39,779
He's up at 6:00 every morning,
slogging his guts out
1368
01:26:39,904 --> 01:26:42,657
in a job he hates,
which is more than you do.
1369
01:26:42,782 --> 01:26:44,867
And he still comes home
with sod all.
1370
01:26:44,993 --> 01:26:47,495
I'm not prepared to be exploited!
1371
01:26:48,496 --> 01:26:51,958
Exploited?
You're not prepared to work, full stop.
1372
01:26:52,083 --> 01:26:55,461
You've accepted Nat as a plumber,
and you didn't like that at first.
1373
01:26:55,586 --> 01:26:58,256
No, I didn't. I didn't like it.
1374
01:26:58,381 --> 01:27:01,259
But I can see now I was wrong,
because she's happy.
1375
01:27:01,384 --> 01:27:05,471
- I don't know what I wanna do yet!
- Oh, don't you?
1376
01:27:05,596 --> 01:27:09,851
You had your chance, Nicola, when
you were 17 doing your three A-levels.
1377
01:27:09,976 --> 01:27:13,021
You were going great,
and then suddenly you stopped.
1378
01:27:13,146 --> 01:27:16,274
You stopped eating, everything, and
ended up eight weeks in the hospital.
1379
01:27:16,399 --> 01:27:19,110
Well, you put me there.
I didn't want to go.
1380
01:27:19,235 --> 01:27:21,821
For God's sake, Nicola,
you were at death's door!
1381
01:27:21,946 --> 01:27:25,074
- You were trying to control my life!
- You were dying!
1382
01:27:25,199 --> 01:27:26,993
- No, I wasn't!
- Yes, you were!
1383
01:27:27,118 --> 01:27:31,039
- I'd know if I was dying.
- Dr Harris said you had 2 weeks to live.
1384
01:27:36,961 --> 01:27:39,380
You didn't know that, did you?
1385
01:27:41,799 --> 01:27:45,136
The three of us coming home
every night, crying our eyes out.
1386
01:27:46,220 --> 01:27:48,222
You were lucky.
1387
01:27:50,266 --> 01:27:52,393
Life's not easy, Nicola.
1388
01:27:52,518 --> 01:27:54,729
I could've given up, right?
1389
01:27:54,854 --> 01:27:57,815
- Sixteen, I was doing my A-levels.
- What A-levels?
1390
01:27:57,940 --> 01:28:01,027
English and business studies,
if you must know.
1391
01:28:01,152 --> 01:28:04,447
- Then I got pregnant with twins.
- Why didn't you have an abortion?
1392
01:28:04,572 --> 01:28:06,074
Because I didn't want one.
1393
01:28:06,199 --> 01:28:09,911
Because I had two little lives
growing inside me.
1394
01:28:10,036 --> 01:28:12,580
I don't believe in it.
That's the easy way out.
1395
01:28:13,956 --> 01:28:16,417
Your dad was only 17,
at catering college,
1396
01:28:16,542 --> 01:28:19,378
and working in hotels at night,
trying to get a bit extra.
1397
01:28:19,504 --> 01:28:23,216
We got a little flat together,
begged and borrowed a couple of cots.
1398
01:28:24,967 --> 01:28:27,678
And when the two of you were born,
we were thrilled to bits,
1399
01:28:27,804 --> 01:28:29,680
because we had two lovely babies.
1400
01:28:30,389 --> 01:28:32,391
We came through laughing.
1401
01:28:32,517 --> 01:28:35,478
Don't blame me! I didn't ask to be born!
1402
01:28:35,603 --> 01:28:37,939
I'm not blaming you, Nicola.
1403
01:28:38,064 --> 01:28:41,025
I just want you to be happy,
that's all, and you're not.
1404
01:28:42,485 --> 01:28:45,905
I wouldn't care what job you did,
I wouldn't care how scruffy you looked,
1405
01:28:46,030 --> 01:28:47,907
as long as you were happy,
but you're not.
1406
01:28:48,032 --> 01:28:51,327
Something inside you has died.
You've given up.
1407
01:28:53,704 --> 01:28:57,250
If one day I could walk through that door
and you could look at me,
1408
01:28:57,375 --> 01:28:59,794
and you could say,
"Mum, help me, please.
1409
01:28:59,919 --> 01:29:03,172
"I don't know what I'm doing.
I don't know where I'm going..."
1410
01:29:03,297 --> 01:29:06,551
Then I'd say, "Great, because now
we can be honest with each other.
1411
01:29:06,676 --> 01:29:08,427
"Now we can start talking."
1412
01:29:08,553 --> 01:29:10,805
But I'm not in a mess.
1413
01:29:11,597 --> 01:29:13,766
Aren't you?
1414
01:29:13,891 --> 01:29:16,978
You're giving me a problem
when I haven't got one.
1415
01:29:17,103 --> 01:29:18,938
Christ, Nicola!
1416
01:29:24,569 --> 01:29:28,114
If you hate me so much,
why don't you throw me out?
1417
01:29:29,365 --> 01:29:31,576
We don't hate you!
1418
01:29:31,701 --> 01:29:34,871
We love you, right?
You stupid girl!
1419
01:30:10,781 --> 01:30:11,991
Whoa!
1420
01:30:14,744 --> 01:30:17,371
- What've you done?
- I think I broke me ankle.
1421
01:30:17,496 --> 01:30:20,708
Don't touch it. Lay flat. Lay flat.
Breathe!
1422
01:30:20,833 --> 01:30:23,377
- I am breathing, for Christ...
- Lay flat. Relax.
1423
01:30:23,502 --> 01:30:25,421
Lie there. I'll be back.
1424
01:30:25,546 --> 01:30:28,299
Neil! Where are you going?
Neil! Neil!
1425
01:30:30,801 --> 01:30:36,682
It's a spoon! It's a...fuckin' spoon,
for Christ's sake!
1426
01:30:36,807 --> 01:30:38,601
Who dropped this spoon?
1427
01:30:38,726 --> 01:30:40,353
Who dropped
this spoon?
1428
01:30:49,278 --> 01:30:50,613
Hello?
1429
01:30:51,697 --> 01:30:53,491
Yeah, speaking.
1430
01:30:53,616 --> 01:30:55,618
Oh, hello. How are you?
1431
01:30:57,161 --> 01:31:00,998
Oh, blimey, you're joking me?
He hasn't?
1432
01:31:01,123 --> 01:31:03,376
HOW did he do it?
1433
01:31:06,587 --> 01:31:09,882
No, I'm sorry, Brian.
I know I shouldn't laugh, but...
1434
01:31:10,007 --> 01:31:12,510
Aw, is he all right, though?
1435
01:31:12,635 --> 01:31:15,304
No, it's all right.
I can come over. Yeah.
1436
01:31:15,429 --> 01:31:18,557
Straight away. All right.
Thanks for phoning me.
1437
01:31:18,683 --> 01:31:21,227
Ah... yeah, and you.
All right, then.
1438
01:31:21,352 --> 01:31:23,354
Yeah, ta-ta. Bye.
1439
01:31:27,316 --> 01:31:28,818
Nicola?
1440
01:31:46,043 --> 01:31:47,962
- Oh, Christ!
- Hello, Nat.
1441
01:31:48,087 --> 01:31:50,631
State of him!
Here you are, take the bag.
1442
01:31:50,756 --> 01:31:53,467
- Take these, Wen.
- Yeah. Go on.
1443
01:31:53,592 --> 01:31:55,553
- How are you gonna do it?
- Dunno.
1444
01:31:55,678 --> 01:31:57,221
- Blimey.
- Hang on.
1445
01:31:57,346 --> 01:31:59,181
Take it steady.
1446
01:31:59,306 --> 01:32:01,976
- Ooh!
- Ooh! Don't let that door slam.
1447
01:32:02,101 --> 01:32:04,270
- Don't worry. I've got it.
- Want a hand?
1448
01:32:04,395 --> 01:32:06,439
No, no. I'll do it meself.
1449
01:32:07,440 --> 01:32:09,316
- Okay? Yeah?
- Yeah.
1450
01:32:09,442 --> 01:32:12,153
- Right. There you go.
- Give us those.
1451
01:32:12,278 --> 01:32:14,071
- That's it.
- Right.
1452
01:32:14,196 --> 01:32:16,073
Take it easy. I've got you.
1453
01:32:16,198 --> 01:32:18,659
Right, it's all right.
Open the gate, Nat.
1454
01:32:18,784 --> 01:32:20,578
- Yeah, hold on.
- Goon
1455
01:32:21,537 --> 01:32:23,414
Don't rush, Andy, right?
1456
01:32:23,539 --> 01:32:26,917
Just take it steady.
1457
01:32:27,043 --> 01:32:28,878
Andy, what are you doing?
1458
01:32:29,003 --> 01:32:31,172
Blimey, you're not a greyhound
in a race!
1459
01:32:32,214 --> 01:32:33,632
Take it, Wen!
1460
01:32:33,758 --> 01:32:36,010
- I'm trying!
- Get rid of it.
1461
01:32:37,344 --> 01:32:38,929
- All right?
- Yep.
1462
01:32:39,055 --> 01:32:42,349
- He needs a little doofer, doesn't he?
- Hold on, I'll get this table.
1463
01:32:42,475 --> 01:32:44,060
That's it, Nat.
1464
01:32:44,185 --> 01:32:47,897
- Here we are. That's the job.
- Careful, careful, careful.
1465
01:32:48,022 --> 01:32:50,149
Ha-ha! Looks like the royal leg!
1466
01:32:51,734 --> 01:32:55,112
Ah, look at his little face.
Oh, poor Andy.
1467
01:32:55,237 --> 01:32:58,783
Aw. He's been through a lot,
you know.
1468
01:32:58,908 --> 01:33:01,619
- How you gonna get your trousers off?
- Cut 'em.
1469
01:33:01,744 --> 01:33:05,247
I'll get my little pinking shears,
and I'll come up the inside leg.
1470
01:33:05,372 --> 01:33:07,458
Ooh, don't make me laugh, Wen!
1471
01:33:07,583 --> 01:33:10,002
How long have you got
to have this on for?
1472
01:33:10,127 --> 01:33:12,004
Six or eight weeks,
something like that.
1473
01:33:12,129 --> 01:33:15,382
- Cushy number.
- I wouldn't mind six weeks' holiday.
1474
01:33:15,508 --> 01:33:17,259
It's a damn nuisance.
1475
01:33:17,384 --> 01:33:21,222
I was gonna get started on
the caravan this evening. It's a pisser.
1476
01:33:21,347 --> 01:33:23,974
- Blimey! What about Aubrey?
- Aubrey...
1477
01:33:24,100 --> 01:33:25,976
What about Aubrey?
1478
01:33:26,102 --> 01:33:28,729
Oh, let's leave it.
Let him stew in his own juice.
1479
01:33:28,854 --> 01:33:31,649
- I've got enough on me plate.
- Ain't you going in tonight?
1480
01:33:31,774 --> 01:33:33,067
- No.
- Why?
1481
01:33:33,192 --> 01:33:34,860
- Because.
- Where's Nicola?
1482
01:33:34,985 --> 01:33:37,321
- Upstairs.
- Does she know I had an accident?
1483
01:33:37,446 --> 01:33:39,490
- She told me.
- Nicola!
1484
01:33:39,615 --> 01:33:43,119
- I'll hang these things up.
- Hang on. Give us here.
1485
01:33:43,244 --> 01:33:45,329
A-ha! I know what you want.
1486
01:33:45,454 --> 01:33:48,999
- You want your souvenir, don't you?
- That's the bastard, the culprit.
1487
01:33:49,125 --> 01:33:53,003
- What?
- Tryin' to kid us he slipped on a spoon?
1488
01:33:53,129 --> 01:33:55,381
He was still bloomin' drunk
from last night.
1489
01:33:55,506 --> 01:33:56,966
Fibber.
1490
01:33:59,301 --> 01:34:01,971
- I've never known pain like it, Nat.
- Ain't ya?
1491
01:34:02,096 --> 01:34:05,015
- Searing pain.
- Did you hear it snap?
1492
01:34:05,140 --> 01:34:07,101
No, I didn't, actually.
1493
01:34:07,226 --> 01:34:09,979
Maybe I did. Yeah, I did.
1494
01:34:10,104 --> 01:34:11,480
- Did ya?
- Yeah.
1495
01:34:11,605 --> 01:34:15,067
Like when you break
a dry stick across your knee.
1496
01:34:15,192 --> 01:34:16,819
Know what I mean?
1497
01:34:26,704 --> 01:34:29,081
- Nicola?
- What?
1498
01:34:30,207 --> 01:34:32,042
Can I come in?
1499
01:34:34,003 --> 01:34:38,716
Look at that, an ordinary spoon.
I never noticed it before.
1500
01:34:40,634 --> 01:34:43,762
1975.
1501
01:34:43,888 --> 01:34:47,266
This spoon was born
when you were seven years old.
1502
01:34:47,391 --> 01:34:50,811
- Oh, yeah.
- Just sits in a drawer.
1503
01:34:50,936 --> 01:34:54,607
Out of the drawer, into the peas,
1504
01:34:54,732 --> 01:34:56,525
stir the custard,
1505
01:34:56,650 --> 01:34:58,736
into the wash, out of the wash,
1506
01:34:58,861 --> 01:35:01,822
up on the hooks
with all the other spoons.
1507
01:35:01,947 --> 01:35:05,367
And all the time,
just waiting for the fatal day
1508
01:35:05,492 --> 01:35:08,746
when it'd drastically alter
the course of a man's life.
1509
01:35:08,871 --> 01:35:10,998
Doesn't look dangerous, does it?
1510
01:35:11,123 --> 01:35:14,960
Nah, you take my word for it,
that is an evil spoon.
1511
01:35:16,086 --> 01:35:18,797
Here you are, look.
Put it in a place of honour.
1512
01:35:18,923 --> 01:35:20,758
Keep an eye on it.
1513
01:35:20,883 --> 01:35:23,594
Yeah. I don't trust it.
1514
01:35:25,846 --> 01:35:27,598
Get us some chocolate.
1515
01:35:29,767 --> 01:35:31,435
Tell you what,
1516
01:35:31,560 --> 01:35:35,022
go and give your face a wash,
make you feel a bit better, eh?
1517
01:35:35,147 --> 01:35:36,857
No.
1518
01:35:36,982 --> 01:35:40,235
You don't want your dad to know
you've been crying, do ya?
1519
01:35:40,361 --> 01:35:42,863
- He don't want to see me.
- He does.
1520
01:35:42,988 --> 01:35:46,116
- I'll make him feel worse.
- Don't be so daft.
1521
01:35:48,327 --> 01:35:50,287
I'm a burden to you.
1522
01:35:51,538 --> 01:35:56,335
Listen...we've got to turn over
a new leaf, yeah?
1523
01:35:56,460 --> 01:35:58,462
Both of us.
1524
01:35:58,587 --> 01:36:00,047
All of us.
1525
01:36:02,883 --> 01:36:04,885
Come on.
Have a little cup of tea.
1526
01:36:05,010 --> 01:36:07,471
No. I don't want one.
1527
01:36:07,596 --> 01:36:11,725
Come on, do it for your dad.
He's been asking for you.
1528
01:36:11,850 --> 01:36:13,852
- Has he?
- Yeah.
1529
01:36:14,937 --> 01:36:17,690
Sitting there
with his tongue hanging out.
1530
01:36:17,815 --> 01:36:21,735
You know what he's like.
He wants a bit of tea and sympathy.
1531
01:36:21,860 --> 01:36:24,113
I just want to talk to you.
1532
01:36:25,948 --> 01:36:27,449
Do you?
1533
01:36:38,085 --> 01:36:41,380
- Do you want a hand, Nat?
- No, that's all right.
1534
01:36:41,505 --> 01:36:44,174
Andy, give us a little chocolate.
Don't hog it all.
1535
01:36:44,299 --> 01:36:47,094
- All right. Plenty for everyone.
- Ta.
1536
01:36:47,219 --> 01:36:49,680
- Here you are, Nic. Wanna bit?
- No.
1537
01:36:49,805 --> 01:36:51,974
- Go on, have a bit.
- No, that's all right.
1538
01:36:52,099 --> 01:36:54,935
- Have a little bit. Cheer yourself up.
- Don't force her.
1539
01:36:55,060 --> 01:36:57,396
- Here you are, Nic.
- Thanks.
1540
01:37:01,275 --> 01:37:03,819
- Did you go up the travel agent's?
- Yeah.
1541
01:37:03,944 --> 01:37:07,698
I'm going to New York,
Chicago and New Orleans.
1542
01:37:07,823 --> 01:37:11,243
- Ain't you going Disney?
- No, I want to go interesting places.
1543
01:37:11,368 --> 01:37:14,329
Blimey! Fancy going to the States
and not going to Disneyland.
1544
01:37:14,455 --> 01:37:18,041
- Why don't you go, Nic?
- No, it's too big.
1545
01:37:18,167 --> 01:37:22,546
She can go next year.
Get yourself sorted. Save up, eh?
1546
01:37:22,671 --> 01:37:26,133
- How's the leg?
- Not too bad. Throbbing a bit.
1547
01:37:27,342 --> 01:37:31,096
I gotta go to the toilet in a minute!
1548
01:37:31,221 --> 01:37:34,224
Ha-ha! Hey, go and get your dad
a bucket.
1549
01:37:37,436 --> 01:37:39,605
Hey, look at that spoon.
1550
01:37:42,983 --> 01:37:45,402
Just take the weight.
That's it. That's it.
1551
01:37:45,527 --> 01:37:47,529
- It's heavy, innit?
- Yeah.
1552
01:37:48,864 --> 01:37:51,325
- All right?
- Yeah. Put a pillow behind me.
1553
01:37:53,202 --> 01:37:55,037
- There you go.
- All right.
1554
01:37:59,208 --> 01:38:00,793
That's it.
1555
01:38:03,212 --> 01:38:05,881
I'll tell you what, Andy,
good job you're not a horse.
1556
01:38:06,006 --> 01:38:09,343
- Why?
- They'd have shot you. Ha!
1557
01:38:09,468 --> 01:38:11,553
Here you are, then.
1558
01:38:13,347 --> 01:38:14,973
Here you go.
1559
01:38:24,942 --> 01:38:28,237
It's good you had that chat
with mum, innit?
1560
01:38:28,362 --> 01:38:30,572
Get things cleared up.
1561
01:38:31,657 --> 01:38:33,075
Eh?
1562
01:38:35,160 --> 01:38:37,412
Did you tell her?
1563
01:38:37,538 --> 01:38:39,998
- Tell her what?
- Everything.
1564
01:38:40,749 --> 01:38:43,794
- What do you mean?
- You know what I mean.
1565
01:38:43,919 --> 01:38:45,337
No.
1566
01:38:48,048 --> 01:38:50,092
I'm not deaf.
1567
01:38:50,217 --> 01:38:52,511
I never said you was.
1568
01:38:52,636 --> 01:38:55,556
I've got the room next to yours,
remember?
1569
01:38:57,391 --> 01:38:59,434
I can hear you.
1570
01:39:00,894 --> 01:39:02,855
What, play my music?
1571
01:39:02,980 --> 01:39:05,190
You know what I'm talking about.
1572
01:39:06,316 --> 01:39:10,112
At nights,
getting sick and everything.
1573
01:39:11,071 --> 01:39:12,739
I'm not sick.
1574
01:39:12,865 --> 01:39:15,242
- Come on!
- I'm not.
1575
01:39:17,703 --> 01:39:19,580
It's hot, innit?
1576
01:39:26,211 --> 01:39:28,630
I can't help it.
1577
01:39:28,755 --> 01:39:30,257
I know.
1578
01:39:31,425 --> 01:39:34,219
I think we should do
something about it.
1579
01:39:34,344 --> 01:39:36,430
- Who's "we"?
- You and me.
1580
01:39:37,639 --> 01:39:39,558
Have you told them about it?
1581
01:39:39,683 --> 01:39:41,184
No.
1582
01:39:41,310 --> 01:39:43,020
Why not?
1583
01:39:43,145 --> 01:39:45,188
Well, I don't know.
1584
01:39:45,314 --> 01:39:48,817
Suppose I should've.
Don't know why I didn't.
1585
01:39:50,027 --> 01:39:53,822
Yeah, I do know why.
Cos I think you should.
1586
01:39:58,201 --> 01:40:00,746
I know what I do is disgusting.
1587
01:40:03,540 --> 01:40:05,959
I am disgusting.
1588
01:40:06,084 --> 01:40:08,128
Yeah, it is disgusting.
1589
01:40:09,421 --> 01:40:13,091
Mind you, I do some pretty
disgusting things meself.
1590
01:40:13,216 --> 01:40:14,760
- Do you?
- Yeah.
1591
01:40:14,885 --> 01:40:17,012
- What?
- Oh, I can't tell ya.
1592
01:40:17,137 --> 01:40:19,306
What is it?
1593
01:40:19,431 --> 01:40:21,892
I put my hands down toilets,
1594
01:40:22,017 --> 01:40:25,395
and on a good day
I might get bitten by a rat.
1595
01:40:30,442 --> 01:40:32,486
Do you want any money?
1596
01:40:32,611 --> 01:40:35,072
- Yeah.
- All right.
1597
01:40:35,197 --> 01:40:37,491
- Cheers.
- Nah, it's okay.
124088
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