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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,237 --> 00:00:05,705 Hi. 2 00:00:05,706 --> 00:00:09,275 The question I get asked, more than any other by far is, 3 00:00:09,276 --> 00:00:12,645 what's it like to work with So-and-So. 4 00:00:12,646 --> 00:00:15,615 The answers are often interchangeable general compliments 5 00:00:15,616 --> 00:00:17,484 that give little, if any information 6 00:00:17,485 --> 00:00:20,086 about the actual experience. 7 00:00:20,087 --> 00:00:24,591 What is it really like to work with Sylvester Stallone? 8 00:00:24,592 --> 00:00:26,326 Arnold Schwarzenegger? 9 00:00:26,327 --> 00:00:28,228 Steven Segal? 10 00:00:28,229 --> 00:00:32,298 What is it like to work with JCVD? 11 00:00:32,299 --> 00:00:36,469 The title for this movie could have been WILT WW. 12 00:00:36,470 --> 00:00:41,340 What's it like to work with... 13 00:00:41,341 --> 00:00:43,476 This movie isn't going to tell you. 14 00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:46,746 It's going to show you my impression of what it's like 15 00:00:46,747 --> 00:00:49,382 to be on the set with So-and-So. 16 00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:51,618 We've combined traits of these action stars and 17 00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:55,355 a few others into one fictional character. 18 00:00:55,356 --> 00:00:58,091 The great Vardell Duseldorfer. 19 00:00:58,092 --> 00:01:01,561 His friends simply call him VD. 20 00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:04,464 Much of what you're about to see, I actually witnessed. 21 00:01:04,465 --> 00:01:07,100 And as they say on TV, the names have been changed 22 00:01:07,101 --> 00:01:09,803 so the guilty won't sue you. 23 00:01:09,804 --> 00:01:15,542 And so, to my aforementioned muses, thank you. 24 00:01:15,543 --> 00:01:23,048 Now, let's find out what it's like to work with So-and-So. 25 00:02:33,287 --> 00:02:35,388 Welcome to Excess Hollywood! 26 00:02:35,389 --> 00:02:37,957 �Excess Hollywood 27 00:02:37,958 --> 00:02:39,926 Lots of dirt, no cleanup! 28 00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:43,563 I'm your host, Tara Grey. 29 00:02:43,564 --> 00:02:49,569 On the comeback trail, the great Vardell Duseldorfer. 30 00:02:54,407 --> 00:02:56,342 His adoring fans who often 31 00:02:56,343 --> 00:02:59,646 contract his uberlong name to VD, 32 00:02:59,647 --> 00:03:01,481 some things defy explanation. 33 00:03:01,482 --> 00:03:04,717 But one thing is for sure, his fans do love him. 34 00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:06,985 I love VD. 35 00:03:06,986 --> 00:03:10,189 I've been a fan of VD for 17 years. 36 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,925 Keep it comin', stay off the hook, 37 00:03:11,926 --> 00:03:14,460 stay hot with the people, this how we do it! 38 00:03:14,461 --> 00:03:17,630 To have VD is to love VD. 39 00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:20,200 I've been a VD fan for 52 years. 40 00:03:21,435 --> 00:03:23,670 You can say what you want about Vardell, 41 00:03:23,671 --> 00:03:26,739 but he got where he is because of one reason. 42 00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:28,408 He's the great VD. 43 00:03:28,409 --> 00:03:30,910 My momma told me that VD was a disease. 44 00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:35,582 Duseldorfer, number, number one! 45 00:03:36,917 --> 00:03:39,686 The embarrassed ubernatorial has wandered 46 00:03:39,687 --> 00:03:41,988 once again in front of a camera. 47 00:03:41,989 --> 00:03:45,725 Uzbekistan apparently wishes to play host to VD, 48 00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:47,894 and welcomes him with open arms, 49 00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:51,030 if not a nice, warm petri dish. 50 00:03:54,468 --> 00:03:56,869 What might the Uzbekis expect? 51 00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:58,638 Well, let's hear from some stars 52 00:03:58,639 --> 00:04:00,907 who've had some experience with VD. 53 00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:02,642 Mr. Kove? 54 00:04:02,643 --> 00:04:04,477 I don't kiss and tell. 55 00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:07,480 Especially when it involves something as personal as VD. 56 00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:11,317 I know, how about a Herculean quote 57 00:04:11,318 --> 00:04:13,653 from Mr. Kevin Sorbo himself. 58 00:04:13,654 --> 00:04:19,115 Working and Duseldorfer. 59 00:04:19,959 --> 00:04:23,028 It's kind of an oxymoron. 60 00:04:23,029 --> 00:04:25,765 Or a moron disguised as an ox. 61 00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:27,467 No, don't, don't use that one. 62 00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:28,635 I got a better one. 63 00:04:28,636 --> 00:04:30,970 Working with Duseldorfer. 64 00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:34,040 It was sort of like juggling water. 65 00:04:34,041 --> 00:04:35,975 You never really get the balls in the air 66 00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:39,479 and you have to clean up afterwards. 67 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:42,314 Oh, nice shot, Kevin. 68 00:04:42,749 --> 00:04:44,450 Who would have thought that 69 00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:46,986 the former bodybuilder's small... 70 00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:51,891 Time in office would be punctuated a maid escapade. 71 00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:54,294 I was just trying to show her 72 00:04:54,295 --> 00:04:58,398 how to work off the large fold of fat the tummy bellyflap. 73 00:04:58,399 --> 00:05:00,800 And it just slipped in! 74 00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:04,437 Yeah it was accident! 75 00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:07,774 And poof, it made a baby! 76 00:05:10,576 --> 00:05:12,445 Fuck you, Tara. 77 00:05:12,446 --> 00:05:14,447 We can support his support of moms, 78 00:05:14,448 --> 00:05:16,316 and public breastfeeding. 79 00:05:16,317 --> 00:05:17,784 More public breastfeeding! 80 00:05:17,785 --> 00:05:20,053 More public breastfeeding! 81 00:05:20,054 --> 00:05:23,723 But what about his bill to get goldfish, 82 00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:27,493 yes, uh-huh, goldfish in every home? 83 00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:29,429 Not the goldfish! 84 00:05:29,430 --> 00:05:30,897 Goldfish propagation 85 00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:35,001 reduces the greenhouse gases and helps the children relax! 86 00:05:37,371 --> 00:05:39,405 You made goldfish dirty. 87 00:05:39,406 --> 00:05:41,140 The movie that made him go into politics 88 00:05:41,141 --> 00:05:44,544 in the first place was that Fascist Time Machine 89 00:05:44,545 --> 00:05:47,613 wreck that detonated more than his fragile career. 90 00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:51,718 That was the director's fault! 91 00:05:51,719 --> 00:05:55,154 So can dysfunction be dysfunctional? 92 00:05:55,155 --> 00:06:00,159 Has the expendable actor, yes, expendable actor 93 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,662 passed his expiration date? 94 00:06:02,663 --> 00:06:04,497 It's not looking good for our hero. 95 00:06:04,498 --> 00:06:06,466 Possible movie trailer voice. 96 00:06:06,467 --> 00:06:08,034 Thank you. 97 00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:12,704 Will our hero make it out alive? 98 00:06:15,975 --> 00:06:19,412 Oooo, you think it's easy to make a movie? 99 00:06:19,413 --> 00:06:21,914 You sit there in your thong and your 100 00:06:21,915 --> 00:06:24,584 air conditioner and you judge me! 101 00:06:24,585 --> 00:06:26,519 I'd like to see you crawl through mud. 102 00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:30,730 Sweat, work 20 hours a day. 103 00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:33,793 I tell you, Hard Time on Mars will make more 104 00:06:33,794 --> 00:06:35,895 money than you can count to! 105 00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:37,630 I show you! 106 00:06:37,631 --> 00:06:40,674 I show you!!! 107 00:06:45,671 --> 00:06:49,091 I show you. 108 00:06:52,111 --> 00:06:57,866 I did not retire, I got extension. 109 00:07:51,103 --> 00:07:57,901 Old, young, old, young. 110 00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,486 Retired. 111 00:08:06,487 --> 00:08:08,688 Not retired. 112 00:08:17,597 --> 00:08:18,998 You! 113 00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:21,207 Will direct. 114 00:08:23,903 --> 00:08:25,505 Hmm. 115 00:08:25,506 --> 00:08:27,807 I will direct. 116 00:08:27,808 --> 00:08:31,226 Hmm. 117 00:08:31,978 --> 00:08:34,113 �Excess Hollywood 118 00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:37,183 Can our favorite rehabinator rekindle 119 00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:39,752 his past and extend his career? 120 00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:42,088 Will he "be back?" 121 00:08:42,089 --> 00:08:45,658 Will Hard Time on Mars be the spark VD needs? 122 00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:48,194 Or just hard time? 123 00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:51,531 Should we wish the Uzbekistanis luck? 124 00:08:51,532 --> 00:08:52,565 Or send them penicillin? 125 00:08:52,566 --> 00:08:55,734 Only time will tell. 126 00:09:01,007 --> 00:09:03,609 VD 10 yards and closing. 127 00:09:03,610 --> 00:09:04,977 Quiet on the set! 128 00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:09,015 our director Vardell Dusel-dorfer 129 00:09:09,016 --> 00:09:10,216 has come to join us. 130 00:09:14,787 --> 00:09:16,689 Thank you! 131 00:09:17,925 --> 00:09:20,258 Thank you! 132 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:22,585 Action! 133 00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:44,617 Nicely done, thank you. 134 00:09:44,618 --> 00:09:48,328 Thank you very much. 135 00:09:52,959 --> 00:09:53,859 VD? 136 00:09:53,860 --> 00:09:55,795 What? 137 00:09:55,796 --> 00:09:58,087 What're you doin' sir? 138 00:09:58,731 --> 00:09:59,966 We need more rock. 139 00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:00,866 What? 140 00:10:00,867 --> 00:10:03,703 We need more rock. 141 00:10:03,704 --> 00:10:04,337 Where? 142 00:10:04,338 --> 00:10:06,305 There. 143 00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:07,907 VD, you know, we have 144 00:10:07,908 --> 00:10:10,710 set decorators that do that. 145 00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:12,778 I like set decorating. 146 00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:15,180 Yes, sir, so what about the fight? 147 00:10:15,181 --> 00:10:18,116 Uh, what about it? 148 00:10:18,117 --> 00:10:19,318 Can we lock it? 149 00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:21,020 Lock? 150 00:10:21,021 --> 00:10:23,122 Lock means that we're not gonna change it. 151 00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:24,190 Can we lock it? 152 00:10:24,191 --> 00:10:26,292 We're not going to change it? 153 00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:29,919 I don't know, are we? 154 00:10:31,030 --> 00:10:31,864 I don't know. 155 00:10:31,865 --> 00:10:35,909 I don't either. 156 00:10:39,205 --> 00:10:41,007 Why did you let him direct? 157 00:10:41,008 --> 00:10:42,808 He wouldn't do the film otherwise. 158 00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:44,977 This is nice. 159 00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:47,437 This is fun! 160 00:10:48,047 --> 00:10:51,450 Get him to talk about his dick. 161 00:10:51,451 --> 00:10:54,854 It scares him I think, it makes him insecure. 162 00:10:54,855 --> 00:11:00,759 Maybe he'll cover by heaving and getting back to work. 163 00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:01,327 Dick. 164 00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:02,128 Dick. 165 00:11:02,129 --> 00:11:03,362 Dick. 166 00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:06,239 Dick, yes. 167 00:11:13,005 --> 00:11:15,041 Oh, wow my dick hurts. 168 00:11:15,042 --> 00:11:17,443 Really? 169 00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:19,378 You want me to rub it for you? 170 00:11:19,379 --> 00:11:21,313 Maybe later, 171 00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:24,815 uh, maybe after the fight scene? 172 00:11:25,151 --> 00:11:26,986 Yes! 173 00:11:26,987 --> 00:11:30,790 I'm uh, thinkin' about it. 174 00:11:30,791 --> 00:11:33,059 Wow. 175 00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:35,294 So, VD, what about 176 00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:37,429 the fight, can we lock it? 177 00:11:39,932 --> 00:11:42,933 I don't know. 178 00:11:44,837 --> 00:11:48,131 Maybe you should teach me part of it. 179 00:11:48,340 --> 00:11:49,375 The first part? 180 00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:51,043 Yeah! 181 00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:52,378 Okay. 182 00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:53,446 Mark! 183 00:11:53,447 --> 00:11:55,147 Let's get that fight going on. 184 00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:57,949 Yeah, where's my saber ha ha! 185 00:12:02,488 --> 00:12:04,090 Freeze. 186 00:12:04,091 --> 00:12:06,058 Sir Jeffrey, would you mind if I take over? 187 00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:07,760 Yeah, actually I would enjoy that. 188 00:12:07,761 --> 00:12:09,228 Great, we'll call you when you're up. 189 00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:11,030 I'll be working on my lines. 190 00:12:11,031 --> 00:12:14,233 I need you to use and trust 191 00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:16,335 the length of your sword. 192 00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:18,838 Use and trust the length of my sword. 193 00:12:18,839 --> 00:12:20,306 Yes. 194 00:12:20,307 --> 00:12:22,041 It's kind of like the force. 195 00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:24,744 Yeah, the force. 196 00:12:24,745 --> 00:12:26,378 Think about keeping your hand in your pocket. 197 00:12:26,379 --> 00:12:28,047 Okay, in my pocket. 198 00:12:28,048 --> 00:12:30,348 Yes. 199 00:12:30,349 --> 00:12:32,284 Okay, I can do that. 200 00:12:32,285 --> 00:12:35,253 I can handle that. 201 00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:36,889 I think we need the girl. 202 00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:38,324 What? 203 00:12:38,325 --> 00:12:39,525 Yeah, the girl. 204 00:12:39,526 --> 00:12:40,793 No, she's knocked out. 205 00:12:40,794 --> 00:12:42,394 Yeah, but she can wake up. 206 00:12:42,395 --> 00:12:44,864 No, she's not supposed to wake up yet, VD. 207 00:12:44,865 --> 00:12:50,436 No, she wake up, but she want to come to my aid. 208 00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:53,472 No. 209 00:12:53,473 --> 00:12:54,874 and knocks herself out! 210 00:12:54,875 --> 00:12:56,008 - No. - It would be very funny! 211 00:12:56,009 --> 00:12:59,778 VD, we're running out of time. 212 00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:01,213 Get me Louie. 213 00:13:01,214 --> 00:13:02,448 Sir... 214 00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:04,740 VD... 215 00:13:05,050 --> 00:13:07,018 Page Louie. 216 00:13:07,019 --> 00:13:09,221 I would like the girl, please. 217 00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:11,323 VD? 218 00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:13,192 I want the girl. 219 00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:15,794 Get me Maria. 220 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,963 VD, your chef, Louie. 221 00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:22,201 Louie, what were those strips of things we had? 222 00:13:22,202 --> 00:13:23,068 When? 223 00:13:23,069 --> 00:13:23,803 Last week. 224 00:13:23,804 --> 00:13:24,570 What day? 225 00:13:24,571 --> 00:13:25,471 Tuesday. 226 00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:27,106 That was the chicken. 227 00:13:27,107 --> 00:13:28,274 No, it was not the chicken. 228 00:13:28,275 --> 00:13:29,475 Maybe it wasn't Tuesday? 229 00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:30,910 Maybe. 230 00:13:30,911 --> 00:13:32,812 Wednesday? 231 00:13:32,813 --> 00:13:33,913 I don't know, it was the strips of things 232 00:13:33,914 --> 00:13:35,514 with maybe the light pesto. 233 00:13:35,515 --> 00:13:38,851 No, the pesto was on the chicken on Tuesday. 234 00:13:38,852 --> 00:13:40,920 Calamari! 235 00:13:40,921 --> 00:13:43,322 Yes, calamari! 236 00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:44,490 But that was Thursday. 237 00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:47,075 With a lemon herb and a sesame oil. 238 00:13:47,293 --> 00:13:49,195 Oh, it was Thursday. 239 00:13:49,196 --> 00:13:50,129 Yes, Thursday. 240 00:13:50,130 --> 00:13:51,430 Oh. 241 00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:55,568 Well I will have two strips of calamari al dente. 242 00:13:55,569 --> 00:13:58,136 Yes, sir. 243 00:13:58,137 --> 00:14:01,373 VD, Maria. 244 00:14:06,612 --> 00:14:08,247 Oh, Maria. 245 00:14:08,248 --> 00:14:09,248 How are you? 246 00:14:09,249 --> 00:14:10,916 Good, how are you? 247 00:14:10,917 --> 00:14:12,985 I'm very good now that you are here. 248 00:14:12,986 --> 00:14:15,187 We have decided to add you into the fight. 249 00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:16,922 Do I get to punch you? 250 00:14:16,923 --> 00:14:18,924 Uh...no. 251 00:14:18,925 --> 00:14:21,227 Kick you? 252 00:14:21,228 --> 00:14:22,061 No. 253 00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:23,395 Oh. 254 00:14:23,396 --> 00:14:26,265 But you do get to slap me in the face 255 00:14:26,266 --> 00:14:28,601 with your fair and ample bosom. 256 00:14:28,602 --> 00:14:31,871 Oh...okay. 257 00:14:51,523 --> 00:14:55,234 VD, you okay? 258 00:14:55,394 --> 00:15:00,165 Umm... 259 00:15:00,166 --> 00:15:01,567 What happened? 260 00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:04,503 Sometimes I see things. 261 00:15:04,504 --> 00:15:06,038 What did you see? 262 00:15:06,039 --> 00:15:09,908 It was large and warm, and it felt really good. 263 00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:11,243 So, you're okay. 264 00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:13,112 Yeah! 265 00:15:13,113 --> 00:15:14,546 Okay. 266 00:15:14,547 --> 00:15:16,248 Okay. 267 00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:18,350 You know we have to do the fight sometime today! 268 00:15:18,351 --> 00:15:21,487 Yes? 269 00:15:21,488 --> 00:15:22,721 Why don't you show us the second part 270 00:15:22,722 --> 00:15:25,690 of the fight Mr. Choreographer? 271 00:15:25,691 --> 00:15:27,192 You will never get me. 272 00:15:27,193 --> 00:15:29,161 The crystals are mine. 273 00:15:29,162 --> 00:15:30,095 You'll never get me! 274 00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:31,697 The crystals are mine! 275 00:15:31,698 --> 00:15:32,631 Hmm hmm! 276 00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:34,099 You'll never get me ha ha! 277 00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:36,725 Oh, God. 278 00:15:46,578 --> 00:15:48,080 A word, if I may. 279 00:15:48,081 --> 00:15:50,249 Oh, Sir Jeffrey, of course. 280 00:15:50,250 --> 00:15:51,750 Let me know what I can do for you. 281 00:15:51,751 --> 00:15:55,721 You will never get me, the crystals are mine. 282 00:15:55,722 --> 00:15:59,458 Does the previous sentence have a ring of familiarity to it? 283 00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:01,593 Sort of. 284 00:16:01,594 --> 00:16:03,963 Shall we call it by its real name? 285 00:16:03,964 --> 00:16:05,097 What? 286 00:16:05,098 --> 00:16:06,131 Cliche. 287 00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:08,434 Do you want me saying cliches? 288 00:16:08,435 --> 00:16:10,569 No. 289 00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:12,271 What exactly was it about this script 290 00:16:12,272 --> 00:16:14,506 that made you want to make this movie? 291 00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:18,010 Why don't you re-title the film and call it, The Cliche? 292 00:16:18,011 --> 00:16:20,212 Then it can be a comedy and I can laugh about it. 293 00:16:20,213 --> 00:16:21,613 What do you want to say? 294 00:16:21,614 --> 00:16:24,416 I want the words to not be plagarized. 295 00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:26,752 I want them to have something to say that vaguely resembles 296 00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:29,722 my character, who is fucking religious by the way. 297 00:16:29,723 --> 00:16:33,125 "The crystals are mine," what the fuck is that? 298 00:16:33,126 --> 00:16:34,626 What did you pay for this script? 299 00:16:34,627 --> 00:16:36,462 One hundred. 300 00:16:36,463 --> 00:16:42,967 Hmmmm, a 100,000 dollar cliche. 301 00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:48,240 VD! 302 00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:50,275 You may want to stand clear. 303 00:16:50,276 --> 00:16:51,577 Jesus! 304 00:16:51,578 --> 00:16:53,112 Wafting! 305 00:16:53,113 --> 00:16:54,480 In his pants right now, there is more 306 00:16:54,481 --> 00:16:58,250 original color and content than in your script. 307 00:16:58,251 --> 00:17:00,753 Whew, stay! 308 00:17:00,754 --> 00:17:03,754 Stay. 309 00:17:05,257 --> 00:17:06,882 Wow. 310 00:17:07,793 --> 00:17:10,162 Maria? 311 00:17:10,163 --> 00:17:14,266 Did you see the size of that guy's bulge? 312 00:17:14,267 --> 00:17:17,336 European men put it pointed up to make it look bigger. 313 00:17:17,337 --> 00:17:20,105 American men put it down to make it look bigger. 314 00:17:20,106 --> 00:17:22,856 No, they don't, it looks bigger up! 315 00:17:23,842 --> 00:17:26,612 No, American men point it down 316 00:17:26,613 --> 00:17:28,447 to make it look bigger. 317 00:17:28,448 --> 00:17:29,782 No, it looks bigger up. 318 00:17:29,783 --> 00:17:31,617 Down. 319 00:17:31,618 --> 00:17:32,785 Up. 320 00:17:32,786 --> 00:17:33,685 Down. 321 00:17:33,686 --> 00:17:34,586 - Up. - Down! 322 00:17:34,587 --> 00:17:35,621 - Up. - Down! 323 00:17:35,622 --> 00:17:37,322 - Up. - Down! 324 00:17:37,323 --> 00:17:38,590 Stop talking about dick. 325 00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:39,758 Are you the only one who's allowed 326 00:17:39,759 --> 00:17:42,194 to talk about it, Mr. Director? 327 00:17:42,195 --> 00:17:43,529 Well maybe I am! 328 00:17:43,530 --> 00:17:46,364 VD, I have the calamari! 329 00:17:46,665 --> 00:17:50,269 It looks fantastic! 330 00:17:53,705 --> 00:17:57,409 Mmmm-hmmm 331 00:17:57,410 --> 00:18:01,213 It is not as good as last week! 332 00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:04,683 Oh no, uh, VD, sir, uh, umm... 333 00:18:04,684 --> 00:18:07,619 Louie... 334 00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:09,288 Uh, uh, Louie? 335 00:18:09,289 --> 00:18:12,558 V...Louie? 336 00:18:13,726 --> 00:18:16,295 10 minutes, we are taking break. 337 00:18:16,296 --> 00:18:19,298 Why don't we just make a movie about break? 338 00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:23,135 At least it wouldn't be a cliche. 339 00:18:23,136 --> 00:18:26,138 You should have budgeted for some star wranglers. 340 00:18:26,139 --> 00:18:27,606 They have those? 341 00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:28,774 Oh, yes. 342 00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:32,411 Complete with ropes and cattle prods. 343 00:18:32,412 --> 00:18:36,114 Do you have their number? 344 00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:50,127 There, yeah. 345 00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:55,300 Yo. 346 00:19:01,141 --> 00:19:03,849 Mmmm. 347 00:19:05,277 --> 00:19:08,679 Aaahh! 348 00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:11,383 I could not do this without you guys. 349 00:19:11,384 --> 00:19:13,552 I love you. 350 00:19:13,553 --> 00:19:14,953 You guys always be there for me! 351 00:19:14,954 --> 00:19:19,748 I promise, I will always be there for you. 352 00:19:19,758 --> 00:19:24,053 What's your name? 353 00:19:24,329 --> 00:19:27,799 Okay, we start today with a prayer and some meditation. 354 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:29,568 A little prayer. 355 00:19:29,569 --> 00:19:30,736 5 minutes. 356 00:19:30,737 --> 00:19:31,603 Quiet. 357 00:19:32,438 --> 00:19:33,972 HEY!!!!! 358 00:19:33,973 --> 00:19:36,275 TURN OFF THE CELL PHONES AND THE WALKIES! 359 00:19:36,276 --> 00:19:38,277 Turn off the cell phones and the walkies! 360 00:19:38,278 --> 00:19:43,363 AND THE CELL PHONES AND THE WALKIES! 361 00:19:43,615 --> 00:19:46,159 JESUS! 362 00:19:49,521 --> 00:19:52,357 What is this meditation costing me? 363 00:19:52,358 --> 00:19:56,443 Five, ten thousand? 364 00:19:56,929 --> 00:20:00,766 Okay, we go to work. 365 00:20:00,767 --> 00:20:03,902 Yes, maybe now we can make some movie! 366 00:20:03,903 --> 00:20:05,470 Lay down, lay down, lay down. 367 00:20:05,471 --> 00:20:06,471 Quickly. 368 00:20:06,472 --> 00:20:07,472 Okay. 369 00:20:07,473 --> 00:20:09,575 Oh, is that beautiful? 370 00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:11,410 Is that so nice? 371 00:20:11,411 --> 00:20:14,980 Okay, so, you need to wake up, you're asleep, you're asleep. 372 00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:15,747 Sleep. 373 00:20:15,748 --> 00:20:17,382 You wake up. 374 00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:19,985 Okay, now, you got to g--, we need something 375 00:20:19,986 --> 00:20:21,687 for her to hit me with. 376 00:20:21,688 --> 00:20:25,689 How 'bout, a... 377 00:20:37,336 --> 00:20:39,371 Rubber chicken. 378 00:20:39,372 --> 00:20:40,939 Yeah? 379 00:20:40,940 --> 00:20:42,407 Rubber chicken? 380 00:20:43,710 --> 00:20:45,477 That would be funny! 381 00:20:45,478 --> 00:20:48,480 Or better, you know, there's a lot of rubber chickens. 382 00:20:48,481 --> 00:20:50,249 What about... 383 00:20:50,250 --> 00:20:51,717 I think this is it. 384 00:20:51,718 --> 00:20:52,818 Turkey neck! 385 00:20:52,819 --> 00:20:53,752 Yeah? 386 00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:55,287 Whup, turkey neck! 387 00:20:55,288 --> 00:20:56,288 Huuuh! 388 00:20:56,289 --> 00:20:57,489 Yeah what do you think? 389 00:20:57,490 --> 00:21:00,057 Props! 390 00:21:00,058 --> 00:21:01,927 Do you have a turkey neck? 391 00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:03,962 I've got this lizard thing. 392 00:21:03,963 --> 00:21:05,497 It is a lizard. 393 00:21:05,498 --> 00:21:06,498 Yeah. 394 00:21:06,499 --> 00:21:08,000 Does your lizard speak? 395 00:21:08,001 --> 00:21:09,968 Not in my experience. 396 00:21:09,969 --> 00:21:11,470 On Mars, a rubber lizard. 397 00:21:11,471 --> 00:21:14,606 This is a big beef thing. 398 00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:15,707 Maybe you could try that. 399 00:21:15,708 --> 00:21:16,808 Does it hurt? 400 00:21:16,809 --> 00:21:18,310 Well, you try. 401 00:21:18,311 --> 00:21:19,711 Thanks. 402 00:21:19,712 --> 00:21:21,413 Hahahaha! 403 00:21:21,414 --> 00:21:22,314 Go ahead. 404 00:21:22,315 --> 00:21:22,981 You like? 405 00:21:22,982 --> 00:21:23,882 Yeah, that's good! 406 00:21:23,883 --> 00:21:25,350 That doesn't hurt at all. 407 00:21:25,351 --> 00:21:26,518 Yeah, hey come here! 408 00:21:26,519 --> 00:21:28,018 Is this good? 409 00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:29,521 Yeah! 410 00:21:29,522 --> 00:21:30,889 What else do you have? 411 00:21:30,890 --> 00:21:31,823 A wooden leg? 412 00:21:31,824 --> 00:21:33,325 A peg leg? 413 00:21:33,326 --> 00:21:34,092 Yeah, it actually belonged to my uncle. 414 00:21:34,093 --> 00:21:34,660 I don't know if it will... 415 00:21:34,661 --> 00:21:35,394 Ow! 416 00:21:35,395 --> 00:21:36,061 Jeez. 417 00:21:36,062 --> 00:21:37,329 It doesn't work. 418 00:21:37,330 --> 00:21:38,297 No, that's not gonna work. 419 00:21:38,298 --> 00:21:38,930 Step back here for a second. 420 00:21:38,931 --> 00:21:41,033 Some crabs? 421 00:21:41,034 --> 00:21:43,635 That is a space crab! 422 00:21:43,636 --> 00:21:45,070 Those are hard to get rid of. 423 00:21:45,071 --> 00:21:46,605 Yeah? 424 00:21:46,606 --> 00:21:47,639 Yeah. 425 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:48,473 Oh. 426 00:21:48,474 --> 00:21:52,443 What, umm... 427 00:21:52,444 --> 00:21:54,313 A little aluminum missile. 428 00:21:54,314 --> 00:21:56,448 A little aluminum missile. 429 00:21:56,449 --> 00:21:58,350 An itty bitty little aluminum missile. 430 00:21:58,351 --> 00:22:00,485 A little bitty tiny aluminum missile. 431 00:22:00,486 --> 00:22:01,687 What do you think? 432 00:22:01,688 --> 00:22:02,654 It's funny. 433 00:22:02,655 --> 00:22:04,456 Hit me on the head with it. 434 00:22:04,457 --> 00:22:06,658 Hey, uhh... 435 00:22:08,861 --> 00:22:11,663 Man, Mark, you have a very big package. 436 00:22:11,664 --> 00:22:13,131 What is that, kielbasa? 437 00:22:13,132 --> 00:22:14,966 Are we fighting, or talking dick? 438 00:22:14,967 --> 00:22:18,337 I guess I do talk about dick a lot. 439 00:22:18,338 --> 00:22:19,805 Can we kiss and make up? 440 00:22:19,806 --> 00:22:21,707 I would like that. 441 00:22:21,708 --> 00:22:24,443 Did she say lick, she would lick that? 442 00:22:24,444 --> 00:22:25,344 Like. 443 00:22:25,345 --> 00:22:26,844 I would lick that, too. 444 00:22:35,821 --> 00:22:38,280 I lick it. 445 00:22:41,493 --> 00:22:43,462 Alright everybody, that's five minutes. 446 00:22:43,463 --> 00:22:44,863 Make it six! 447 00:22:44,864 --> 00:22:48,323 Okay, make it six. 448 00:22:50,702 --> 00:22:51,870 Maria! 449 00:22:51,871 --> 00:22:56,107 Something's happening! 450 00:23:07,886 --> 00:23:10,989 Cradle the balls, work the shaft. 451 00:23:10,990 --> 00:23:13,959 Cradle the balls, work the shaft. 452 00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:16,628 Mmmm cradle, more cradle. 453 00:23:16,629 --> 00:23:17,729 - I - just had an inspiration 454 00:23:17,730 --> 00:23:19,164 for a new crew T-shirt. 455 00:23:19,165 --> 00:23:20,899 Sure. 456 00:23:31,109 --> 00:23:35,238 It's been about five minutes, baby. 457 00:23:38,150 --> 00:23:40,085 Are you okay? 458 00:23:40,086 --> 00:23:43,422 What do stupid doctors know, anyway? 459 00:23:43,423 --> 00:23:46,658 Do you think they could wait maybe five more minutes? 460 00:23:46,659 --> 00:23:49,194 I don't want them to think I went too quickly. 461 00:23:49,195 --> 00:23:52,497 And maybe you could mess your hair up a little? 462 00:23:52,498 --> 00:23:54,633 Don't worry, we'll have fun on the set. 463 00:23:54,634 --> 00:23:58,218 I promise. 464 00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:04,176 Two pools, 20 dollars each. 465 00:24:04,177 --> 00:24:05,844 One, we get a shot of anything today, 466 00:24:05,845 --> 00:24:07,512 Two we don't get a shot all day. 467 00:24:07,513 --> 00:24:10,015 That is whack. 468 00:24:10,016 --> 00:24:11,216 I'm in. 469 00:24:11,217 --> 00:24:13,718 No shot. 470 00:24:13,719 --> 00:24:15,620 Sir Jeffrey would like to speak with his director, 471 00:24:15,621 --> 00:24:16,822 do you have a minute for him? 472 00:24:16,823 --> 00:24:18,557 Oh, Sir Jeffrey, of course. 473 00:24:18,558 --> 00:24:19,858 This way, sir. 474 00:24:19,859 --> 00:24:23,094 Of course for Sir Jeffrey, I always have time. 475 00:24:23,095 --> 00:24:26,765 VD, structurally, they're 476 00:24:26,766 --> 00:24:28,533 doing a rather strange thing. 477 00:24:28,534 --> 00:24:32,471 They're having a sub-villain killed after the main villain. 478 00:24:32,472 --> 00:24:35,006 A sub-villain. 479 00:24:35,007 --> 00:24:37,509 I'm a bad guy on a submarine. 480 00:24:37,510 --> 00:24:40,212 No, no we don't have a submarine in the movie. 481 00:24:40,213 --> 00:24:41,746 We have rocket ships. 482 00:24:41,747 --> 00:24:43,081 Yes! 483 00:24:43,082 --> 00:24:44,916 My character is a main villain, so 484 00:24:44,917 --> 00:24:47,152 anyone who would work for a main villain 485 00:24:47,153 --> 00:24:50,237 would be a sub-villain. 486 00:24:51,890 --> 00:24:53,825 A smaller bad guy? 487 00:24:53,826 --> 00:24:54,993 Exactly! 488 00:24:54,994 --> 00:24:56,628 So, why would you kill a little bad guy 489 00:24:56,629 --> 00:24:59,564 after you've just killed the biggest bad guy? 490 00:24:59,565 --> 00:25:04,610 Because, he's a bad guy and he has to die. 491 00:25:05,003 --> 00:25:07,939 Yes, but um, killing of the big villain, 492 00:25:07,940 --> 00:25:09,975 that's the climax of the movie. 493 00:25:09,976 --> 00:25:12,177 Climax, like, orgasm. 494 00:25:12,178 --> 00:25:13,678 Exactly, right! 495 00:25:13,679 --> 00:25:15,280 Yes, so after the orgasm, do you have foreplay? 496 00:25:15,281 --> 00:25:17,582 No. 497 00:25:17,583 --> 00:25:20,051 I just, take a nap. 498 00:25:20,052 --> 00:25:20,986 Right. 499 00:25:20,987 --> 00:25:22,187 Because the movie's over. 500 00:25:22,188 --> 00:25:24,089 Right, I never watch the credits. 501 00:25:24,090 --> 00:25:25,991 So, why would you kill a little bad guy 502 00:25:25,992 --> 00:25:28,627 after you've just killed the big bad guy? 503 00:25:28,628 --> 00:25:31,029 Because he is a bad guy. 504 00:25:31,030 --> 00:25:34,065 Yes, but you see, umm, killing 505 00:25:34,066 --> 00:25:37,035 of the little bad guys is the foreplay that leads up 506 00:25:37,036 --> 00:25:40,572 to killing of the big bad guy, which is the climax. 507 00:25:40,573 --> 00:25:43,174 I don't understand. 508 00:25:43,175 --> 00:25:45,343 Okay, umm... 509 00:25:45,344 --> 00:25:49,180 Action-adventure movies are really like romance movies. 510 00:25:49,181 --> 00:25:52,284 The romantic hero identifies the beautiful girl, 511 00:25:52,285 --> 00:25:56,021 chases after her, romances her, finally gets to have her. 512 00:25:56,022 --> 00:25:57,355 ...Climax! 513 00:25:57,356 --> 00:26:01,092 Action-adventure hero, identifies the bad guy, 514 00:26:01,093 --> 00:26:04,229 chases after him after some close encounters , 515 00:26:04,230 --> 00:26:06,264 finally the bad guy's caught and killed, climax! 516 00:26:06,265 --> 00:26:09,167 So you see it's, it's almost like a love story. 517 00:26:09,168 --> 00:26:12,037 But, I don't love the villain. 518 00:26:12,038 --> 00:26:13,605 Well no, of course, but , but you know, 519 00:26:13,606 --> 00:26:14,706 you still wanna fuck him. 520 00:26:14,707 --> 00:26:15,907 I do? 521 00:26:15,908 --> 00:26:17,909 Yes. 522 00:26:17,910 --> 00:26:20,579 Where? 523 00:26:20,580 --> 00:26:22,080 In the butt? 524 00:26:22,081 --> 00:26:24,382 No! 525 00:26:24,383 --> 00:26:26,017 Well then they... 526 00:26:26,018 --> 00:26:28,153 Or they... 527 00:26:28,154 --> 00:26:31,256 69? 528 00:26:31,257 --> 00:26:33,024 No, it was a metaphor! 529 00:26:33,025 --> 00:26:34,659 A metaphor. 530 00:26:34,660 --> 00:26:36,194 You don't know metaphor? 531 00:26:36,195 --> 00:26:38,396 Hmm, comes before meta-five. 532 00:26:38,397 --> 00:26:40,031 It doesn't come at all. 533 00:26:40,032 --> 00:26:41,666 It doesn't? 534 00:26:41,667 --> 00:26:42,867 No. 535 00:26:42,868 --> 00:26:46,071 So Jeffrey, could you explain please, 536 00:26:46,072 --> 00:26:49,140 but with the smaller words. 537 00:26:49,141 --> 00:26:52,978 Look, as the script is now, it's as though 538 00:26:52,979 --> 00:26:55,380 you get to fuck the beautiful girl that you'be been 539 00:26:55,381 --> 00:26:57,616 chasing after the whole movie, then you climb off her, 540 00:26:57,617 --> 00:26:59,751 go into the next room, and fuck her ugly sister! 541 00:26:59,752 --> 00:27:01,186 Does that make any sense? 542 00:27:01,187 --> 00:27:02,320 Yes! 543 00:27:02,321 --> 00:27:03,822 Why? 544 00:27:03,823 --> 00:27:07,759 Because, if you can fuck the sister, you should. 545 00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:08,994 But, she's ugly. 546 00:27:08,995 --> 00:27:13,731 It's not the face you fuck. 547 00:27:13,732 --> 00:27:16,735 Do you know the expression pearls before swine? 548 00:27:16,736 --> 00:27:18,436 Yes. 549 00:27:18,437 --> 00:27:20,405 Do you know what it means? 550 00:27:20,406 --> 00:27:23,865 Yeah. 551 00:27:26,778 --> 00:27:28,413 Don't feed pigs pearls because they could 552 00:27:28,414 --> 00:27:32,040 choke on them and die. 553 00:27:38,156 --> 00:27:39,357 Exactly. 554 00:27:39,358 --> 00:27:40,792 Right. 555 00:27:40,793 --> 00:27:42,260 Call it. 556 00:27:44,195 --> 00:27:45,697 Yes? 557 00:27:45,698 --> 00:27:46,865 VD, the crew wants to present you with a cake. 558 00:27:46,866 --> 00:27:48,099 They do? 559 00:27:48,100 --> 00:27:49,734 For our director. 560 00:27:49,735 --> 00:27:52,337 Oh, hey cake for everybody! 561 00:27:52,338 --> 00:27:54,039 ha ha! 562 00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:56,873 Cake cake cake cake I like cake. 563 00:28:02,248 --> 00:28:03,848 Congratulations! 564 00:28:03,849 --> 00:28:10,689 I don't know what to say, I'm, I'm really very moved. 565 00:28:17,729 --> 00:28:20,198 I know that having a crew like you guys 566 00:28:20,199 --> 00:28:22,867 makes my job all the much easier, you guys 567 00:28:22,868 --> 00:28:24,736 are fantastic, and I hope that we can always 568 00:28:24,737 --> 00:28:28,373 work together forever, forever, yes. 569 00:28:28,374 --> 00:28:32,477 Please, VD, blow out your candles. 570 00:28:32,478 --> 00:28:34,779 Thank you. 571 00:28:34,780 --> 00:28:37,182 Thank you very much. 572 00:28:37,183 --> 00:28:39,384 Well. 573 00:28:47,393 --> 00:28:50,895 Help me, I'm blind! 574 00:28:50,896 --> 00:28:52,197 I'm blind! 575 00:28:53,199 --> 00:28:54,265 No, no, it's okay, it's okay. 576 00:28:54,266 --> 00:28:57,001 I'm cake-blind! 577 00:29:01,005 --> 00:29:03,374 VD, VD. 578 00:29:03,375 --> 00:29:07,212 VD, it's whipped cream and it's actually pretty good. 579 00:29:07,213 --> 00:29:08,880 Well get it off of me! 580 00:29:08,881 --> 00:29:11,249 Alright, 581 00:29:17,522 --> 00:29:19,991 YOU'RE ALL FIRED!!! 582 00:29:19,992 --> 00:29:22,227 GET OFF MY SET, ALL OF YOU! 583 00:29:22,228 --> 00:29:24,095 Right now, you fire them right now! 584 00:29:24,096 --> 00:29:26,464 VD, it was practical joke! 585 00:29:26,465 --> 00:29:28,566 Nobody was hurt. 586 00:29:28,567 --> 00:29:30,135 Get off of my set! 587 00:29:30,136 --> 00:29:31,836 All of you! 588 00:29:31,837 --> 00:29:33,271 You're all fired! 589 00:29:33,272 --> 00:29:35,473 You're fired right now brother, right now! 590 00:29:35,474 --> 00:29:37,909 It's pie in face, it's part of show business. 591 00:29:37,910 --> 00:29:39,878 Bullshit! 592 00:29:39,879 --> 00:29:41,079 Fire them! 593 00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:42,480 We have to finish the movie! 594 00:29:42,481 --> 00:29:43,548 No! 595 00:29:43,549 --> 00:29:49,469 GET OFF MY SET NOW ALL OF YOU! 596 00:30:10,575 --> 00:30:13,278 Alright, that's enough. 597 00:30:13,279 --> 00:30:17,113 Not yet, not yet. 598 00:30:21,821 --> 00:30:25,112 Stay here! 599 00:30:27,926 --> 00:30:31,229 Hey, you stupid FX motherfucker. 600 00:30:31,230 --> 00:30:32,564 Who's pissing their panties now? 601 00:30:32,565 --> 00:30:35,466 Huh? 602 00:30:35,467 --> 00:30:37,068 Hasta la vista, maybe. 603 00:30:45,643 --> 00:30:49,112 You want a retake? 604 00:30:49,113 --> 00:30:53,867 Eat my lead. 605 00:30:57,088 --> 00:30:59,424 Vaya con dios, baby. 606 00:31:02,528 --> 00:31:03,895 Hey, it's pretty funny, a man 607 00:31:03,896 --> 00:31:06,197 all covered in whipped cream firing a shotgun. 608 00:31:06,198 --> 00:31:08,900 Yeah, funny, let's laugh! 609 00:31:08,901 --> 00:31:11,402 Funny pie in the face man, come on let's all laugh! 610 00:31:11,403 --> 00:31:12,670 Yah, yah, is funny. 611 00:31:12,671 --> 00:31:14,372 All we need is some maybe nice tits, 612 00:31:14,373 --> 00:31:17,582 then we really have a show. 613 00:31:20,511 --> 00:31:23,081 That is pretty good you stupid FX motherfucker 614 00:31:23,082 --> 00:31:26,618 that doesn't even know the sound of his own blanks, huh? 615 00:31:26,619 --> 00:31:28,219 Yippee kay-yay motherfucker! 616 00:31:32,157 --> 00:31:35,260 Doesn't even know the sound of his own blanks. 617 00:31:35,261 --> 00:31:40,012 Yoke's on you, ha! 618 00:31:41,399 --> 00:31:44,369 Rub yourself, rub your boobies on me. 619 00:31:44,370 --> 00:31:47,272 I feel something. 620 00:31:47,273 --> 00:31:49,040 It's working! 621 00:31:49,041 --> 00:31:50,608 It's working! 622 00:31:50,609 --> 00:31:53,010 Okay. 623 00:31:53,011 --> 00:31:54,445 Well that was fun while it lasted. 624 00:31:54,446 --> 00:31:57,822 let's go! 625 00:31:59,417 --> 00:32:00,985 Okay, it's working, oh yes! 626 00:32:00,986 --> 00:32:03,922 Sophocles heard it long ago on the Aegean, 627 00:32:03,923 --> 00:32:06,691 and it brought into his mind the turbid ebb and flow 628 00:32:06,692 --> 00:32:10,093 of human misery. 629 00:32:10,094 --> 00:32:14,139 Oh, oh... 630 00:32:14,666 --> 00:32:17,168 Down the vast edges and 631 00:32:17,169 --> 00:32:22,472 naked shingles of the world. 632 00:32:50,101 --> 00:32:53,137 Oh, oh S-Sue, I was in the warm. 633 00:32:53,138 --> 00:32:57,974 I saw the warm. 634 00:33:14,392 --> 00:33:17,428 Thank you, my little fish. 635 00:33:24,769 --> 00:33:28,039 Alright, time to get back to work, bring me. 636 00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:30,475 Touch-ups, after rehearsal. 637 00:33:30,476 --> 00:33:32,777 Okay, at this point in the fight, 638 00:33:32,778 --> 00:33:34,746 get rid of the swords. 639 00:33:34,747 --> 00:33:40,251 We're going to grapple mano a mano, yeah? 640 00:33:40,252 --> 00:33:40,250 Okay. 641 00:33:40,252 --> 00:33:45,056 By now, Darkwing has managed to get me in a sleeper hold. 642 00:33:45,057 --> 00:33:46,824 But the last minute, I will overpower him and 643 00:33:46,825 --> 00:33:48,459 him on the ground. 644 00:33:48,460 --> 00:33:51,529 VD, nobody can get out of a sleeper hold. 645 00:33:51,530 --> 00:33:53,765 Ah, bull shit. 646 00:33:53,766 --> 00:33:55,333 I do it all the time. 647 00:33:55,334 --> 00:33:56,768 You said you wanted the fight to be realistic? 648 00:33:56,769 --> 00:33:58,302 Nobody can get out of a sleeper hold. 649 00:33:58,303 --> 00:34:00,238 I do it all the time, Mark! 650 00:34:00,239 --> 00:34:01,205 It's gonna knock you out. 651 00:34:01,206 --> 00:34:03,474 Ha ha ha ha. 652 00:34:03,475 --> 00:34:06,577 Put one on me, come on, give it your best shot, stuntman. 653 00:34:06,578 --> 00:34:08,546 Listen, let's continue the fight, huh? 654 00:34:08,547 --> 00:34:11,582 Are you afraid of the great VD? 655 00:34:11,583 --> 00:34:12,817 You think I don't know what I'm doing? 656 00:34:12,818 --> 00:34:15,753 You think I got this way from being photographed? 657 00:34:15,754 --> 00:34:17,822 My chi will overpower your chi 658 00:34:17,823 --> 00:34:19,757 and that is what you are afraid of. 659 00:34:19,758 --> 00:34:20,725 Bring it on, stuntman. 660 00:34:20,726 --> 00:34:22,360 Put your best move on me now. 661 00:34:22,361 --> 00:34:23,795 VD, it's gonna knock you out. 662 00:34:23,796 --> 00:34:27,465 Bullshit, do it. 663 00:34:27,466 --> 00:34:29,100 Get the medic. 664 00:34:29,101 --> 00:34:30,768 Tell him he's gonna need to revive VD. 665 00:34:30,769 --> 00:34:33,271 Ha ha ha ha. 666 00:34:33,272 --> 00:34:34,739 What's happening here? 667 00:34:34,740 --> 00:34:36,274 One minute, I am proving a point 668 00:34:36,275 --> 00:34:39,177 to the bullshit stuntman. 669 00:34:39,178 --> 00:34:41,579 Ha, okay. 670 00:34:41,580 --> 00:34:45,683 Don't do anything until I say go. 671 00:34:45,684 --> 00:34:47,418 Are you ready? 672 00:34:47,419 --> 00:34:49,487 Ready. 673 00:34:49,488 --> 00:34:52,864 Huh? 674 00:34:56,260 --> 00:34:58,396 Go! 675 00:34:58,397 --> 00:35:00,164 One. 676 00:35:00,165 --> 00:35:02,100 Two. 677 00:35:02,701 --> 00:35:04,368 Three. 678 00:35:04,369 --> 00:35:06,170 Four. 679 00:35:06,171 --> 00:35:07,772 Five. 680 00:35:07,773 --> 00:35:09,373 Six. 681 00:35:09,374 --> 00:35:11,109 Seven. 682 00:35:11,110 --> 00:35:12,477 Eight. 683 00:35:12,478 --> 00:35:14,479 Nine. 684 00:35:14,480 --> 00:35:16,547 Medic? 685 00:35:16,548 --> 00:35:18,716 Oh, crap he pissed himself. 686 00:35:18,717 --> 00:35:20,751 His pulse is good. 687 00:35:20,752 --> 00:35:23,121 Alright, alright. 688 00:35:23,122 --> 00:35:24,789 Get wardrobe in here to change his pants. 689 00:35:24,790 --> 00:35:26,290 Hey, look. 690 00:35:26,291 --> 00:35:29,360 VD wakes up, and he finds out that we know that 691 00:35:29,361 --> 00:35:32,330 he pissed his pants, we're gonna kiss off the whole day, huh. 692 00:35:32,331 --> 00:35:34,432 I thought that's what we're doing already. 693 00:35:34,433 --> 00:35:39,268 Come on, come on, pants, fly it on in here! 694 00:35:44,776 --> 00:35:46,577 He stuffs his pants? 695 00:35:46,578 --> 00:35:50,079 That is whack. 696 00:36:08,799 --> 00:36:12,678 Has somebody got a magnifying glass? 697 00:36:14,539 --> 00:36:16,207 A tattoo. 698 00:36:16,208 --> 00:36:17,808 He got his Johnny tattooed. 699 00:36:17,809 --> 00:36:19,744 Oh man, what that would feel like. 700 00:36:19,745 --> 00:36:22,280 No, no that's a rumor, man. 701 00:36:22,281 --> 00:36:23,614 I don't believe that. 702 00:36:23,615 --> 00:36:24,782 No. 703 00:36:24,783 --> 00:36:26,284 It's definitely not a rumor. 704 00:36:26,285 --> 00:36:27,718 This is what he wanted. 705 00:36:27,719 --> 00:36:31,322 It took about 2000 pricks on his porksword. 706 00:36:31,323 --> 00:36:33,291 On the uh, tip of his uh... 707 00:36:33,292 --> 00:36:33,958 His manhood? 708 00:36:33,959 --> 00:36:34,926 His manhood. 709 00:36:34,927 --> 00:36:35,760 I hope he told you that. 710 00:36:35,761 --> 00:36:37,461 I hope you did not... 711 00:36:38,730 --> 00:36:39,597 No! 712 00:36:39,598 --> 00:36:41,639 I saw it. 713 00:36:45,870 --> 00:36:49,974 He had a, he had a tattoo of like uh, eagle's wings or uh, 714 00:36:49,975 --> 00:36:51,742 a talon going over the tip. 715 00:36:51,743 --> 00:36:55,346 How did uh, how did you happen to see it? 716 00:36:55,347 --> 00:36:56,647 What was the circumstance? 717 00:36:56,648 --> 00:36:57,782 No, he just decided to show it to me. 718 00:36:57,783 --> 00:36:59,817 So you kept your trousers up. 719 00:36:59,818 --> 00:37:00,985 I kept mine up. 720 00:37:00,986 --> 00:37:02,220 He just, he gave you a quick visual, 721 00:37:02,221 --> 00:37:03,654 and that was that. 722 00:37:03,655 --> 00:37:06,757 Red talons on the left and blue talons on the right. 723 00:37:06,758 --> 00:37:08,326 It's like, an eagle. 724 00:37:08,327 --> 00:37:09,427 Very patriotic. 725 00:37:09,428 --> 00:37:10,861 Maybe he's wanting to fly. 726 00:37:10,862 --> 00:37:14,232 No, I think if he wanted to fly it would be wings. 727 00:37:14,233 --> 00:37:15,566 Get the pants on him, okay! 728 00:37:15,567 --> 00:37:17,635 Mark! 729 00:37:17,636 --> 00:37:19,370 Lay down next to VD. 730 00:37:19,371 --> 00:37:21,939 We got a movie to make here, now. 731 00:37:21,940 --> 00:37:24,542 When the medic hits VD with the smelling salts, okay, 732 00:37:24,543 --> 00:37:26,944 I want you to roll over, like he's just 733 00:37:26,945 --> 00:37:29,280 flipped you over his back and onto the floor, okay? 734 00:37:29,281 --> 00:37:31,415 Hey look, with any luck, he'll believe this, too. 735 00:37:31,416 --> 00:37:32,783 Alright, the rest of you. 736 00:37:32,784 --> 00:37:35,419 When VD wakes up, all I want to hear is cheering. 737 00:37:35,420 --> 00:37:36,621 Congratulations, hey you were great, 738 00:37:36,622 --> 00:37:37,788 hey you're the best guy in the world, 739 00:37:37,789 --> 00:37:39,390 Hey bullshit, blah blah blah blah blah. 740 00:37:39,391 --> 00:37:40,291 Okay? 741 00:37:40,292 --> 00:37:40,958 Alright. 742 00:37:40,959 --> 00:37:41,959 You ready? 743 00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:42,860 Yeah. 744 00:37:42,861 --> 00:37:49,065 , action. 745 00:38:03,347 --> 00:38:05,583 I tell you, you bullshit stuntman, 746 00:38:05,584 --> 00:38:08,486 now you have met the great VD. 747 00:38:08,487 --> 00:38:11,722 Who is the one with the, embarrass now, man? 748 00:38:11,723 --> 00:38:12,823 Is it you? 749 00:38:12,824 --> 00:38:13,824 Oh ho ho ho ho. 750 00:38:13,825 --> 00:38:14,992 Yeah, VD, me. 751 00:38:16,995 --> 00:38:19,797 Whew! 752 00:38:19,798 --> 00:38:22,533 Something smells like shit. 753 00:38:22,534 --> 00:38:26,370 Ah, what, did somebody step on a barking spider? 754 00:38:26,371 --> 00:38:30,808 General, please stop wafting in my direction, uh. 755 00:38:30,809 --> 00:38:37,980 When did I remember to forget to tie my shoes? 756 00:38:38,716 --> 00:38:39,817 Ah! 757 00:38:39,818 --> 00:38:41,819 I have a great idea for the fight. 758 00:38:41,820 --> 00:38:44,588 Um, the great VD is going to fly in the movie 759 00:38:44,589 --> 00:38:46,490 like House of Frying Dragons. 760 00:38:46,491 --> 00:38:47,692 Yes! 761 00:38:47,693 --> 00:38:49,694 House of Frying Dragons, we're going to fly me. 762 00:38:49,695 --> 00:38:52,930 VD, why would your character fly? 763 00:38:52,931 --> 00:38:54,732 Cuz he is a spaceman. 764 00:38:54,733 --> 00:38:57,468 Yes, but House of Frying Dragons was a fantasy. 765 00:38:57,469 --> 00:38:58,769 Yeah, life is a fantasy. 766 00:38:58,770 --> 00:38:59,637 Like Peter Pan. 767 00:38:59,638 --> 00:39:00,905 Never grow up! 768 00:39:00,906 --> 00:39:03,074 Never grow up, no way not sir, no not me! 769 00:39:04,576 --> 00:39:05,643 I just thought of something. 770 00:39:05,644 --> 00:39:07,845 What? 771 00:39:07,846 --> 00:39:10,381 The first time i had jellybeans. 772 00:39:10,382 --> 00:39:11,782 Louie! 773 00:39:11,783 --> 00:39:14,085 Get me some jellybeans and take out all the yellow ones! 774 00:39:14,086 --> 00:39:15,986 Jellybeans are on their way, captain. 775 00:39:15,987 --> 00:39:19,322 Aye, aye! 776 00:39:19,457 --> 00:39:21,058 Alright, back to work. 777 00:39:21,059 --> 00:39:22,560 in here. 778 00:39:22,561 --> 00:39:23,828 The design had to come from somewhere, 779 00:39:23,829 --> 00:39:25,162 even if it was just his subconsious. 780 00:39:25,163 --> 00:39:26,964 It's like a, that makes it even better, 781 00:39:26,965 --> 00:39:29,700 a direct snapshot into his inner psyche. 782 00:39:29,701 --> 00:39:31,369 I think he has color issues, what's the whole thing 783 00:39:31,370 --> 00:39:34,438 with getting all the yellow jellybeans taken out? 784 00:39:34,439 --> 00:39:36,140 Maybe he does not like lemon. 785 00:39:36,141 --> 00:39:37,441 No, I think he has color issues. 786 00:39:37,442 --> 00:39:38,542 I think that's least of issues. 787 00:39:38,543 --> 00:39:39,810 Well, that may be. 788 00:39:39,811 --> 00:39:44,772 Hmm. 789 00:39:44,849 --> 00:39:46,016 What happened to you? 790 00:39:46,017 --> 00:39:48,452 You used to be my best friend. 791 00:39:48,453 --> 00:39:55,124 Johnny doesn't come out and play anymore. 792 00:40:00,999 --> 00:40:05,668 Uh, that's better. 793 00:40:09,507 --> 00:40:11,742 Hi, girls. 794 00:40:24,755 --> 00:40:30,026 Oh look, she has a bottom like a little boy's. 795 00:40:30,027 --> 00:40:32,663 � Space Cowboy by Matt Long 796 00:40:32,664 --> 00:40:34,598 I love you. 797 00:40:45,243 --> 00:40:46,177 10, no 15 minutes. 798 00:40:46,178 --> 00:40:49,387 Then they will respect me! 799 00:41:06,564 --> 00:41:08,599 Somebody needs to cum. 800 00:41:08,600 --> 00:41:11,669 Let me. 801 00:41:16,040 --> 00:41:18,809 Are you recording this? 802 00:41:18,810 --> 00:41:19,877 Maybe. 803 00:41:51,008 --> 00:41:51,976 The rockets are falling! 804 00:41:51,977 --> 00:41:54,978 The rockets are falling! 805 00:42:00,584 --> 00:42:03,294 That's a wrap! 806 00:42:04,555 --> 00:42:06,156 I had to work with VD. 807 00:42:06,157 --> 00:42:07,992 I am idiot! 808 00:42:07,993 --> 00:42:11,896 schmuck! 809 00:42:11,897 --> 00:42:14,532 We have to be out of here by midnight. 810 00:42:14,533 --> 00:42:17,001 We still have three days' work left. 811 00:42:17,002 --> 00:42:20,671 Emily, get him out of his trailer. 812 00:42:20,672 --> 00:42:24,882 Do whatever it takes. 813 00:42:25,643 --> 00:42:31,814 Just pretend that you're at the beach! 814 00:42:45,729 --> 00:42:52,360 I want speak, to Mr. VD. 815 00:42:54,838 --> 00:42:58,424 The great VD. 816 00:42:59,944 --> 00:43:01,879 I made it work. 817 00:43:01,880 --> 00:43:05,816 I've got VD's lines in this script. 818 00:43:05,817 --> 00:43:09,619 And it works. 819 00:43:09,620 --> 00:43:10,721 Okay. 820 00:43:10,722 --> 00:43:14,791 Uh, we have to cut 10 more pages. 821 00:43:14,792 --> 00:43:15,859 10 pages? 822 00:43:15,860 --> 00:43:17,361 Yes, yes. 823 00:43:17,362 --> 00:43:20,487 Okay. 824 00:43:21,231 --> 00:43:22,299 Is that enough? 825 00:43:22,300 --> 00:43:25,426 Oh wait that's only seven? 826 00:43:25,669 --> 00:43:27,871 Does that work for you? 827 00:43:27,872 --> 00:43:29,039 Oh, Ray. 828 00:43:29,040 --> 00:43:30,307 No no no, Ray, that's not what I mean. 829 00:43:30,308 --> 00:43:35,112 What if the bad guy falls to his death? 830 00:43:35,113 --> 00:43:37,214 Trips and falls. 831 00:43:37,215 --> 00:43:38,282 By, by himself? 832 00:43:38,283 --> 00:43:39,783 Yes. 833 00:43:39,784 --> 00:43:43,354 It, it's logical, people trip and fall all the time. 834 00:43:43,355 --> 00:43:47,257 No final fight scene, no dialog, no, no, no swords? 835 00:43:47,258 --> 00:43:48,659 No, no. 836 00:43:48,660 --> 00:43:51,195 Just uh, trips, and falls. 837 00:43:51,196 --> 00:43:52,396 Like life. 838 00:43:52,397 --> 00:43:55,940 Life! 839 00:44:00,871 --> 00:44:04,675 Well why don't we just have them kiss and make up? 840 00:44:04,676 --> 00:44:06,343 They could walk out holding hands. 841 00:44:06,344 --> 00:44:09,880 I'm sorry, I didn't mean to rape and kill your sister, 842 00:44:09,881 --> 00:44:09,879 it was an accident. 843 00:44:09,881 --> 00:44:13,717 Oh, that's okay because I live my life out of love now 844 00:44:13,718 --> 00:44:15,986 and I want you to know that I love you too. 845 00:44:15,987 --> 00:44:17,154 I forgive you! 846 00:44:17,155 --> 00:44:18,355 Okay. 847 00:44:18,356 --> 00:44:19,790 The bad guy and our hero could become the 848 00:44:19,791 --> 00:44:22,126 poster children for anger management. 849 00:44:22,127 --> 00:44:26,030 If we can make it work, you can, too! 850 00:44:26,031 --> 00:44:29,990 Okay, I get point. 851 00:44:30,034 --> 00:44:34,138 Burton, thanks for the job, really. 852 00:44:34,139 --> 00:44:35,973 But I'm done. 853 00:44:35,974 --> 00:44:37,675 I wish you luck. 854 00:44:37,676 --> 00:44:40,967 Goodbye. 855 00:44:55,859 --> 00:44:58,694 Yah! 856 00:45:20,150 --> 00:45:23,778 Hewwo. 857 00:45:26,356 --> 00:45:27,725 I'm almost feeling sorry 858 00:45:27,726 --> 00:45:30,094 for cards dealting to Burton. 859 00:45:30,095 --> 00:45:31,829 He put everything to this picture. 860 00:45:31,830 --> 00:45:33,097 Yeah, what an idiot. 861 00:45:33,098 --> 00:45:34,865 Well, VD's pictures still make money. 862 00:45:34,866 --> 00:45:36,233 Not in America. 863 00:45:36,234 --> 00:45:39,002 Did you know that his name, VD, in America is actually 864 00:45:39,003 --> 00:45:41,972 a sexually transmitted disease? 865 00:45:41,973 --> 00:45:42,973 Really? 866 00:45:42,974 --> 00:45:44,341 Yeah. 867 00:45:44,342 --> 00:45:46,110 Yeah, yeah I think it's how you say it in Europe, 868 00:45:46,111 --> 00:45:48,345 the whole W,V, Wagner, Vagner... 869 00:45:48,346 --> 00:45:49,480 Wagner, Vagner. 870 00:45:49,481 --> 00:45:50,414 Yeah. 871 00:45:50,415 --> 00:45:52,373 Yeah. 872 00:45:56,754 --> 00:46:01,558 You know Emily, last time you were very angry with me. 873 00:46:01,559 --> 00:46:06,897 I sent you flowers, chocolates, candy, wine. 874 00:46:06,898 --> 00:46:10,067 And I even wrote you a poem and you did not respond to me 875 00:46:10,068 --> 00:46:15,839 and it's my dying wish that I have the key to your heart. 876 00:46:15,840 --> 00:46:19,143 I do not have the key, I cannot find the key. 877 00:46:19,144 --> 00:46:30,403 And I just, I, I love you, Emily and I, I want your love. 878 00:46:32,256 --> 00:46:35,925 You want see my... 879 00:46:39,029 --> 00:46:41,322 Tits? 880 00:46:42,065 --> 00:46:44,368 Yes. 881 00:46:44,369 --> 00:46:45,602 Then you go set! 882 00:46:45,603 --> 00:46:48,138 Work! 883 00:46:48,139 --> 00:46:51,908 Yes. 884 00:46:51,909 --> 00:46:53,343 No picture. 885 00:46:53,344 --> 00:46:56,213 Oh Emily, you know I have to have a picture. 886 00:46:56,214 --> 00:47:00,299 No. 887 00:47:00,951 --> 00:47:03,921 Oh, I'm kind of sleepy now, I have to, 888 00:47:03,922 --> 00:47:07,391 I think I have to take a nap. 889 00:47:07,392 --> 00:47:09,626 Whoa. 890 00:47:09,627 --> 00:47:13,796 Wait! 891 00:47:38,121 --> 00:47:41,207 She'll be back. 892 00:47:53,136 --> 00:47:54,504 Emily? 893 00:47:54,505 --> 00:47:56,406 What happened? 894 00:47:56,407 --> 00:47:58,375 I am virgin. 895 00:47:58,376 --> 00:48:01,411 He doesn't want your virginity. 896 00:48:01,412 --> 00:48:03,746 He wants take picture. 897 00:48:03,981 --> 00:48:05,772 Cover your face. 898 00:48:06,516 --> 00:48:08,085 No! 899 00:48:08,086 --> 00:48:10,711 1,000 Euro! 900 00:48:10,888 --> 00:48:13,389 2,000! 901 00:48:15,025 --> 00:48:16,093 Two? 902 00:48:16,094 --> 00:48:18,362 Thousand Euro? 903 00:48:18,363 --> 00:48:20,988 Yes. 904 00:48:23,033 --> 00:48:27,953 3,000 Euro me, 3,000 more my family. 905 00:48:31,642 --> 00:48:34,768 Ah, Emily. 906 00:48:34,978 --> 00:48:38,248 Emily. 907 00:48:38,249 --> 00:48:41,384 You are so beautiful. 908 00:48:41,385 --> 00:48:44,087 No flower or the things that pop up out of the ground 909 00:48:44,088 --> 00:48:46,990 in the spring can equal your beauty. 910 00:48:46,991 --> 00:48:51,461 I, I love you. 911 00:48:51,462 --> 00:48:54,755 I do. 912 00:48:59,269 --> 00:49:01,571 Thank you Emily, at last my mirror is complete. 913 00:49:01,572 --> 00:49:04,241 You will never forget this. 914 00:49:04,242 --> 00:49:05,475 You come! 915 00:49:05,476 --> 00:49:08,644 Almost, almost. 916 00:49:09,546 --> 00:49:11,381 Am I such a bad boy? 917 00:49:11,382 --> 00:49:14,251 My mommy, she breastfed me, I love breasts. 918 00:49:14,252 --> 00:49:16,053 There is nothing in the world that 919 00:49:16,054 --> 00:49:20,097 a good breast suck can't cure. 920 00:49:20,223 --> 00:49:24,352 Am I such a bad boy? 921 00:49:26,430 --> 00:49:30,267 Okay, umm, checklist. 922 00:49:30,268 --> 00:49:31,468 Let's take it from where Maria doinks me on the head 923 00:49:31,469 --> 00:49:34,304 with the little aluminum missile. 924 00:49:34,305 --> 00:49:36,473 You know, maybe instead of hitting you, 925 00:49:36,474 --> 00:49:38,241 I could help you. 926 00:49:38,242 --> 00:49:41,411 What are you going to do if a woman doesn't have a gun? 927 00:49:41,412 --> 00:49:44,448 You going to, blow kisses at him? 928 00:49:44,449 --> 00:49:47,184 Maybe you beat him up with your batting of the eyelashes? 929 00:49:47,185 --> 00:49:48,518 Huh? 930 00:49:48,519 --> 00:49:49,720 Is that what it is? 931 00:49:49,721 --> 00:49:51,588 You know, I get great idea for your character 932 00:49:51,589 --> 00:49:52,756 and you want to change it? 933 00:49:52,757 --> 00:49:53,757 Is that it? 934 00:49:53,758 --> 00:49:56,293 You want to be the director? 935 00:49:56,294 --> 00:49:57,461 Is that it? 936 00:49:57,462 --> 00:50:00,430 Sure, yeah this will be fun, yeah! 937 00:50:00,431 --> 00:50:03,367 We bring in all the helpless girls and the great VD 938 00:50:03,368 --> 00:50:05,569 can come and rescue them. 939 00:50:05,570 --> 00:50:07,304 What are you doing? 940 00:50:07,305 --> 00:50:08,372 Directing. 941 00:50:08,373 --> 00:50:11,208 You, get off my set, stupido! 942 00:50:11,209 --> 00:50:13,643 Get out of here! 943 00:50:13,644 --> 00:50:15,345 You are stupido! 944 00:50:15,346 --> 00:50:19,383 If only implants were brains, then you could be Einstein. 945 00:50:19,384 --> 00:50:20,784 And then, you could direct. 946 00:50:20,785 --> 00:50:22,019 Yes? 947 00:50:22,020 --> 00:50:23,320 Get off my set! 948 00:50:23,321 --> 00:50:24,721 I fire you! 949 00:50:37,768 --> 00:50:40,270 Women! 950 00:50:40,271 --> 00:50:41,438 It's still hard to believe they're 951 00:50:41,439 --> 00:50:43,507 not getting bad boy clause. 952 00:50:43,508 --> 00:50:45,509 Unbelievable with his reputation. 953 00:50:45,510 --> 00:50:46,777 And! 954 00:50:46,778 --> 00:50:50,080 I hear he gets to choose his own call time. 955 00:50:50,081 --> 00:50:52,582 Who you have to fuck, choosing own call time? 956 00:50:52,583 --> 00:50:54,384 Producer. 957 00:50:54,385 --> 00:50:56,620 Oh, no no no no, I mean in life? 958 00:50:56,621 --> 00:50:59,056 Being dealting these cards? 959 00:50:59,057 --> 00:51:00,824 That'd be the dealer, the dealer. 960 00:51:00,825 --> 00:51:02,325 Yeah. 961 00:51:02,326 --> 00:51:05,829 The dealer, the dealer, the fucking dealer. 962 00:51:05,830 --> 00:51:08,131 The fucking dealer. 963 00:51:08,132 --> 00:51:10,300 VD I'm sorry, we cannot fly you, 964 00:51:10,301 --> 00:51:11,568 we just don't have the time. 965 00:51:11,569 --> 00:51:13,603 Mr Producer, you will make the time. 966 00:51:13,604 --> 00:51:16,606 No no no no, we must shoot the fight scene as is. 967 00:51:16,607 --> 00:51:21,311 Mm-hmm, as fight choreographer, you shoot the fight 968 00:51:21,312 --> 00:51:23,413 the way I say it is in my contract. 969 00:51:23,414 --> 00:51:25,816 You are the director and 970 00:51:25,817 --> 00:51:28,752 the fight choreographer, but you aren't the set designer. 971 00:51:28,753 --> 00:51:31,621 As the fight choreographer, the next part of the fight 972 00:51:31,622 --> 00:51:35,625 is in the air, is what I say, you cheap Euro producer, huh! 973 00:51:35,626 --> 00:51:36,726 Hey! 974 00:51:36,727 --> 00:51:37,861 You can't spend 5 Euro on a stunt? 975 00:51:37,862 --> 00:51:40,163 Huh, I'll tell you what, you take this, 976 00:51:40,164 --> 00:51:43,800 you go hock it for 10 Euro, and you build us a fucking set! 977 00:51:43,801 --> 00:51:45,769 Huh, what is this piece of shit? 978 00:51:45,770 --> 00:51:47,404 What is it, cardboard? 979 00:51:47,405 --> 00:51:49,239 No, it's paper. 980 00:51:49,240 --> 00:51:51,141 You give me 5,000,000 Euro, yeah? 981 00:51:51,142 --> 00:51:52,909 You tell me this is 10,000,000 Euro movie. 982 00:51:52,910 --> 00:51:55,445 Where's the other 5,000,00, huh? 983 00:51:55,446 --> 00:51:56,613 What did this cost? 984 00:51:56,614 --> 00:51:59,216 Oh, one Euro? 985 00:51:59,217 --> 00:52:00,417 Huh? 986 00:52:00,418 --> 00:52:01,651 I show you what I think of your set, huh? 987 00:52:01,652 --> 00:52:04,855 Oh, oh oh, precious set, I love you. 988 00:52:04,856 --> 00:52:06,656 Uh, ow, ow ow! 989 00:52:06,657 --> 00:52:08,158 Shit shit shit! 990 00:52:08,159 --> 00:52:09,392 My toe, get away from me! 991 00:52:09,393 --> 00:52:10,627 Get away from me. 992 00:52:10,628 --> 00:52:12,896 Finished...set...I am not finished! 993 00:52:14,532 --> 00:52:15,465 Huh? 994 00:52:15,466 --> 00:52:16,433 Take that you stupid set! 995 00:52:16,434 --> 00:52:21,103 Uh! 996 00:52:28,712 --> 00:52:32,482 I showing you, you fucking set! 997 00:52:32,483 --> 00:52:34,567 Ha ha ha ha. 998 00:52:40,557 --> 00:52:41,958 Ow! 999 00:52:41,959 --> 00:52:43,193 Shit. 1000 00:52:43,194 --> 00:52:45,228 I think I am stuck. 1001 00:52:45,229 --> 00:52:46,296 Hello? 1002 00:52:46,297 --> 00:52:48,165 Where's my grippers? 1003 00:52:48,166 --> 00:52:50,233 Where's my grippers? 1004 00:52:50,234 --> 00:52:51,635 That is whack. 1005 00:52:51,636 --> 00:52:57,340 Uh, I'm over here you know, hey, like uh, hey! 1006 00:52:57,341 --> 00:52:59,242 Hey, I'm over here. 1007 00:52:59,243 --> 00:53:00,911 In here, hello? 1008 00:53:00,912 --> 00:53:02,245 I'm in the rock! 1009 00:53:02,246 --> 00:53:04,314 Video, come on, 1010 00:53:04,315 --> 00:53:05,949 Help me. 1011 00:53:05,950 --> 00:53:08,652 Excuse me? 1012 00:53:10,388 --> 00:53:11,454 What's happening out there? 1013 00:53:25,569 --> 00:53:27,671 Da, except I don't speak Russian! 1014 00:53:27,672 --> 00:53:28,838 I know you want to help. 1015 00:53:31,808 --> 00:53:34,311 Keep the producer away from me. 1016 00:53:34,312 --> 00:53:36,012 Keep him away from my butt. 1017 00:53:54,698 --> 00:53:57,801 Harry, are you awake? 1018 00:53:57,802 --> 00:54:02,639 I had to call and let you know that he's stoned, 1019 00:54:02,640 --> 00:54:06,876 he's drunk, he's high, he's wielding a knife, 1020 00:54:06,877 --> 00:54:09,646 I could get killed right now, he's so psycho. 1021 00:54:09,647 --> 00:54:11,982 He's just rammed his head into a fiberglass rock. 1022 00:54:19,957 --> 00:54:20,924 That's better! 1023 00:54:20,925 --> 00:54:22,058 Can I say it? 1024 00:54:22,059 --> 00:54:23,727 - No, is...no. - I'm going to. 1025 00:54:23,728 --> 00:54:24,761 Okay, go ahead. 1026 00:54:24,762 --> 00:54:26,296 Dickhead! 1027 00:54:33,571 --> 00:54:35,972 Shouldn't you be out there giving him a hand? 1028 00:54:37,475 --> 00:54:38,675 So you're sending me back to the hotel 1029 00:54:38,676 --> 00:54:40,076 until you have ironclad assurances that I do not 1030 00:54:40,077 --> 00:54:43,346 have to do battle with um, a person 1031 00:54:43,347 --> 00:54:46,816 who is on drugs and alcohol. 1032 00:55:06,403 --> 00:55:08,638 Harry, wake up Harry. 1033 00:55:08,639 --> 00:55:09,472 Come on. 1034 00:55:09,473 --> 00:55:10,907 You have no idea! 1035 00:55:10,908 --> 00:55:14,911 There's a psychopath on the loose wielding lethal weapons. 1036 00:55:14,912 --> 00:55:16,112 You're supposed to be my agent, 1037 00:55:16,113 --> 00:55:18,515 standing in front of me and protecting me. 1038 00:55:18,516 --> 00:55:19,716 AHHH! 1039 00:55:19,717 --> 00:55:21,117 Here you are, off in America, 1040 00:55:21,118 --> 00:55:23,720 in a nice warm bed, and here I'm on a set with a psycho! 1041 00:55:23,721 --> 00:55:25,655 Hello? 1042 00:55:25,656 --> 00:55:28,491 Hello? 1043 00:55:28,492 --> 00:55:33,562 You voiceless, lawless, neutered coward. 1044 00:55:33,563 --> 00:55:35,965 Take that, you stupid rock! 1045 00:55:41,438 --> 00:55:43,473 Ah! 1046 00:55:43,474 --> 00:55:46,476 Take that you stupid shit. 1047 00:55:46,477 --> 00:55:47,811 Hey, VD! 1048 00:55:47,812 --> 00:55:50,714 I've spoken to special effects, we're going to fly you. 1049 00:55:50,715 --> 00:55:52,749 I like the idea, it will uh, give extra... 1050 00:55:52,750 --> 00:55:54,584 Now you like the idea? 1051 00:55:54,585 --> 00:55:56,353 Visual interest to... 1052 00:55:57,922 --> 00:56:02,826 You will be very happy that you have flown the great VD. 1053 00:56:02,827 --> 00:56:04,994 Sir Jeffrey! 1054 00:56:04,995 --> 00:56:07,430 Hey, let's run lines. 1055 00:56:07,431 --> 00:56:10,766 Leave us alone, we are rehearsing! 1056 00:56:11,034 --> 00:56:12,402 What he's doing? 1057 00:56:12,403 --> 00:56:15,038 Okay, uh, you have the first line. 1058 00:56:15,039 --> 00:56:16,606 The crystals are mine. 1059 00:56:16,607 --> 00:56:19,476 The crystals are for the people. 1060 00:56:19,477 --> 00:56:21,378 The people are ignorant peasants. 1061 00:56:21,379 --> 00:56:24,848 They'll just piss away their money on tithes and beer. 1062 00:56:24,849 --> 00:56:27,650 I represent the people's beer. 1063 00:56:27,651 --> 00:56:29,486 Are you really going to say that? 1064 00:56:29,487 --> 00:56:32,422 I wrote that, I think it's funny. 1065 00:56:32,423 --> 00:56:34,190 There's beer on Mars? 1066 00:56:36,993 --> 00:56:39,562 There is now. 1067 00:56:39,563 --> 00:56:41,131 Why are you doing that with your voice? 1068 00:56:41,132 --> 00:56:43,199 I heard that when a director does that 1069 00:56:43,200 --> 00:56:45,802 it makes his voice low and gravelly. 1070 00:56:45,803 --> 00:56:47,470 Yes, but naturally your voice has 1071 00:56:47,471 --> 00:56:49,005 so much more color in it. 1072 00:56:49,006 --> 00:56:51,808 My voice has color? 1073 00:56:51,809 --> 00:56:54,511 In real life, you're so animated. 1074 00:56:54,512 --> 00:56:58,114 But when you act, you stick your voice down in one note. 1075 00:56:58,115 --> 00:56:59,416 I do? 1076 00:56:59,417 --> 00:57:00,483 Yes. 1077 00:57:00,484 --> 00:57:01,651 Why would you do that? 1078 00:57:01,652 --> 00:57:04,053 Because it sounds cool. 1079 00:57:04,054 --> 00:57:05,588 Yes, for a minute. 1080 00:57:05,589 --> 00:57:07,590 But you know, when you go to a concert, don't you want 1081 00:57:07,591 --> 00:57:10,660 to hear all the instruments, not just the tuba? 1082 00:57:10,661 --> 00:57:12,929 A tube of what? 1083 00:57:12,930 --> 00:57:14,497 Toothpaste? 1084 00:57:14,498 --> 00:57:16,232 Come on you know it's like, big brass horn? 1085 00:57:16,233 --> 00:57:17,767 Got a big bell on it? 1086 00:57:17,768 --> 00:57:20,103 Oh, the tuba! 1087 00:57:20,104 --> 00:57:21,871 Bom bom bom bom bom bom. 1088 00:57:21,872 --> 00:57:23,740 I lick the tuba! 1089 00:57:23,741 --> 00:57:25,875 Oops. 1090 00:57:25,876 --> 00:57:28,545 I said lick, so I have to, sorry. 1091 00:57:28,546 --> 00:57:30,146 Ha hahaha! 1092 00:57:30,147 --> 00:57:32,582 Do chicks dig that? 1093 00:57:32,583 --> 00:57:35,952 They go crazy. 1094 00:57:35,953 --> 00:57:37,654 Boy, you've had some breaks, haven't you? 1095 00:57:37,655 --> 00:57:39,989 A little luck has hit me on the head. 1096 00:57:39,990 --> 00:57:43,825 Among other things. 1097 00:57:45,094 --> 00:57:47,664 Is it true that you went down on 1098 00:57:47,665 --> 00:57:51,567 all those chicks in front of everyone at your birthday? 1099 00:57:51,568 --> 00:57:53,136 Of course. 1100 00:57:53,137 --> 00:57:55,805 Aren't you afraid of contracting something? 1101 00:57:55,806 --> 00:57:57,207 Hmm-mm. 1102 00:57:57,208 --> 00:57:58,741 I never get sick. 1103 00:57:58,742 --> 00:58:05,080 Life, is the disease, and I am the cure! 1104 00:58:06,082 --> 00:58:08,017 Is your microphone on? 1105 00:58:08,018 --> 00:58:09,819 Disconnect the cable, I once knew a sound guy 1106 00:58:09,820 --> 00:58:12,722 who played me a tape once of crews, you know, 1107 00:58:12,723 --> 00:58:14,858 going at it in his trailer. 1108 00:58:17,728 --> 00:58:19,662 You know what he says when he's cumming? 1109 00:58:19,663 --> 00:58:20,864 What? 1110 00:58:20,865 --> 00:58:23,233 Awwww! 1111 00:58:23,234 --> 00:58:27,002 No mommy, no! 1112 00:58:27,003 --> 00:58:29,172 That's fucked up! 1113 00:58:29,173 --> 00:58:32,382 Quite. 1114 00:58:38,548 --> 00:58:41,217 You must now swear to me that you will never 1115 00:58:41,218 --> 00:58:44,020 tell a single soul what I'm about to tell you, 1116 00:58:44,021 --> 00:58:46,656 or I will hunt you down and kill you. 1117 00:58:46,657 --> 00:58:50,660 You have my solemn word as a gentleman. 1118 00:58:50,661 --> 00:58:52,729 Okay. 1119 00:58:52,730 --> 00:58:57,699 I will now tell you something about the great VD. 1120 00:58:57,700 --> 00:59:00,236 No one fucks the great VD. 1121 00:59:00,237 --> 00:59:01,671 You give me one pile of shit 1122 00:59:01,672 --> 00:59:04,674 I will give you 100 piles of shit. 1123 00:59:04,675 --> 00:59:08,878 Burton, he told me that we were making a 10,000,000 Euro 1124 00:59:08,879 --> 00:59:11,114 movie, he gives me 5,000,000 Euro, right? 1125 00:59:11,115 --> 00:59:13,349 What does he spend on this set, like 10 Euro? 1126 00:59:13,350 --> 00:59:16,585 This set will look like shit, I will look like shit. 1127 00:59:16,586 --> 00:59:20,088 I don't want them to release this movie. 1128 00:59:20,089 --> 00:59:21,991 Burton is out there right now eating his shit 1129 00:59:21,992 --> 00:59:23,593 and I am salting it. 1130 00:59:23,594 --> 00:59:26,129 As long as I do what I am doing, I am free 1131 00:59:26,130 --> 00:59:29,831 to leave here at midnight tonight. 1132 00:59:29,832 --> 00:59:32,001 Pretty brilliant, huh? 1133 00:59:32,002 --> 00:59:32,902 But no one will ever 1134 00:59:32,903 --> 00:59:34,270 want to work with you again. 1135 00:59:34,271 --> 00:59:37,840 Oh, bullshit, I got a three-picture deal waiting, 1136 00:59:37,841 --> 00:59:39,676 I could do a television series. 1137 00:59:39,677 --> 00:59:40,910 Really? 1138 00:59:40,911 --> 00:59:45,705 Oh, my aching vagina! 1139 00:59:46,249 --> 00:59:49,017 What's the matter? 1140 00:59:49,018 --> 00:59:50,887 Can I tell you a secret that if you tell 1141 00:59:50,888 --> 00:59:53,597 anyone else I get to kill you? 1142 00:59:54,157 --> 00:59:56,959 You have my word as a gentleman. 1143 00:59:56,960 --> 00:59:59,028 Your film is the only job I've been offered 1144 00:59:59,029 --> 01:00:01,230 in the last two years. 1145 01:00:01,231 --> 01:00:03,833 This job saved my house. 1146 01:00:03,834 --> 01:00:04,968 What?! 1147 01:00:04,969 --> 01:00:07,203 That is bullshit, fire your agent! 1148 01:00:07,204 --> 01:00:09,706 You are the best actor! 1149 01:00:09,707 --> 01:00:11,374 VD, there are a million good actors, 1150 01:00:11,375 --> 01:00:12,909 but very few stars. 1151 01:00:12,910 --> 01:00:14,377 You are a star. 1152 01:00:14,378 --> 01:00:16,312 I am just an actor. 1153 01:00:16,313 --> 01:00:18,915 Ha ha no, you are a star. 1154 01:00:18,916 --> 01:00:21,651 A minor twinkler, perhaps. 1155 01:00:21,652 --> 01:00:23,386 Only a few stars rise. 1156 01:00:23,387 --> 01:00:26,689 And you have got yours a long way up there. 1157 01:00:26,690 --> 01:00:29,626 Yeah my star did go up a little ways. 1158 01:00:29,627 --> 01:00:31,661 Yours could, too! 1159 01:00:31,662 --> 01:00:34,063 You know how when you meet some people, 1160 01:00:34,064 --> 01:00:36,232 you just want to rush up and hug them? 1161 01:00:36,233 --> 01:00:38,101 There's something about them you just 1162 01:00:38,102 --> 01:00:39,969 want to hold close to you? 1163 01:00:39,970 --> 01:00:42,872 And then there are other people who give you the creeps. 1164 01:00:42,873 --> 01:00:44,707 Okay. 1165 01:00:44,708 --> 01:00:46,976 You have this boyish quality about you. 1166 01:00:46,977 --> 01:00:48,378 It's adorable. 1167 01:00:48,379 --> 01:00:51,314 I am one of those people who give others the creeps. 1168 01:00:51,315 --> 01:00:53,016 No! 1169 01:00:53,017 --> 01:00:55,118 Who's playing the villain in the movie, hmm? 1170 01:00:55,119 --> 01:00:56,352 Who? 1171 01:00:56,353 --> 01:00:57,687 You. 1172 01:00:57,688 --> 01:01:01,731 Was that an accident? 1173 01:01:02,392 --> 01:01:03,426 No. 1174 01:01:03,427 --> 01:01:04,927 And it's okay. 1175 01:01:04,928 --> 01:01:06,829 Do I look sad? 1176 01:01:06,830 --> 01:01:10,867 It's been a great living, most of the time. 1177 01:01:10,868 --> 01:01:12,702 Do you want to get out of here? 1178 01:01:12,703 --> 01:01:14,404 Do you want to get out of this stinking set? 1179 01:01:14,405 --> 01:01:15,905 I want to go home. 1180 01:01:15,906 --> 01:01:17,674 I want to hold my children. 1181 01:01:17,675 --> 01:01:19,375 Then the great VD will fire you, too. 1182 01:01:19,376 --> 01:01:21,744 Let's do it on the set with more people around. 1183 01:01:21,745 --> 01:01:23,880 Maria wanted an audience. 1184 01:01:23,881 --> 01:01:25,982 She wanted you to fire her? 1185 01:01:25,983 --> 01:01:28,251 Yes she has to leave tomorrow and wanted to go shopping. 1186 01:01:28,252 --> 01:01:29,052 Really? 1187 01:01:29,053 --> 01:01:29,986 Yes. 1188 01:01:29,987 --> 01:01:32,455 She's going to buy me a present! 1189 01:01:32,456 --> 01:01:35,158 VD, that was great acting! 1190 01:01:35,159 --> 01:01:36,693 Really? 1191 01:01:37,461 --> 01:01:39,996 Well, thank you Sir Jeffrey. 1192 01:01:39,997 --> 01:01:41,297 Think of some really horrible things to say 1193 01:01:41,298 --> 01:01:44,233 about me, it will be all the more fun. 1194 01:01:44,234 --> 01:01:45,768 - I - think I could muster 1195 01:01:45,769 --> 01:01:47,870 a few things for the occasion. 1196 01:01:47,871 --> 01:01:49,806 I finally get to do some acting. 1197 01:01:49,807 --> 01:01:51,874 Yes, yes a performance is in order! 1198 01:01:51,875 --> 01:01:53,142 It's going to be fun, yes? 1199 01:01:53,143 --> 01:01:54,277 Yes! 1200 01:01:54,278 --> 01:01:55,712 Good! 1201 01:01:55,713 --> 01:01:58,815 VD, what a brilliant surprise. 1202 01:01:58,816 --> 01:02:02,217 It's been fun working with you. 1203 01:02:02,218 --> 01:02:05,094 Well not everyone has said that about me. 1204 01:02:07,290 --> 01:02:11,251 Thank you. 1205 01:02:12,995 --> 01:02:18,458 You see, I want to hug you. 1206 01:02:18,935 --> 01:02:23,004 I told you he hits for other team. 1207 01:02:23,005 --> 01:02:25,924 Baseball? 1208 01:02:26,776 --> 01:02:30,737 See you on the set, Sir Jeffrey. 1209 01:02:45,228 --> 01:02:47,530 You know what your problem is? 1210 01:02:47,531 --> 01:02:49,899 No one says no to you anymore. 1211 01:02:49,900 --> 01:02:52,368 When was the last time anyone said no to you? 1212 01:02:52,369 --> 01:02:56,138 When was the last time you said no to yourself? 1213 01:02:56,139 --> 01:02:59,765 What are you talking about? 1214 01:02:59,909 --> 01:03:03,045 What is a man if his chief good and 1215 01:03:03,046 --> 01:03:07,316 market of his time be to sleep and feed. 1216 01:03:07,317 --> 01:03:09,852 A beast no more. 1217 01:03:09,853 --> 01:03:13,456 The best part of you is not being fed. 1218 01:03:13,457 --> 01:03:15,024 Why not? 1219 01:03:15,025 --> 01:03:16,793 Because you've locked it away from yourself 1220 01:03:16,794 --> 01:03:20,329 and from everyone else with bars of coke and drugs. 1221 01:03:20,330 --> 01:03:22,365 It's not bars, it's lines. 1222 01:03:22,366 --> 01:03:23,232 Whatever! 1223 01:03:23,233 --> 01:03:24,200 It's drugs. 1224 01:03:24,201 --> 01:03:25,535 It's killing your discipline. 1225 01:03:25,536 --> 01:03:27,303 And you being a star, it's killing the discipline 1226 01:03:27,304 --> 01:03:28,905 of everyone around you. 1227 01:03:28,906 --> 01:03:31,140 You have too much power. 1228 01:03:31,141 --> 01:03:33,576 And everyone is afraid of losing favor with you, 1229 01:03:33,577 --> 01:03:36,546 or you're going to use your power against them. 1230 01:03:36,547 --> 01:03:38,548 Everyone is afraid to say no to you, but 1231 01:03:38,549 --> 01:03:42,083 all they have to do is just say no. 1232 01:03:42,084 --> 01:03:43,486 You want to say no to me? 1233 01:03:43,487 --> 01:03:45,621 Yes, everyone should say no to you. 1234 01:03:45,622 --> 01:03:49,826 Because you are an addict, and you belong in rehab. 1235 01:03:49,827 --> 01:03:51,260 You say no to me? 1236 01:03:51,261 --> 01:03:53,396 Yes, I say no to you. 1237 01:03:53,397 --> 01:03:55,198 You want to say no to me? 1238 01:03:55,199 --> 01:03:56,232 Yes. 1239 01:03:56,233 --> 01:03:58,568 You say no? 1240 01:03:58,569 --> 01:03:59,335 Yes. 1241 01:03:59,336 --> 01:04:00,570 No or yes? 1242 01:04:00,571 --> 01:04:02,071 I say no to you, and everyone else 1243 01:04:02,072 --> 01:04:03,239 should say no to you as well! 1244 01:04:03,240 --> 01:04:06,843 You want to say no to the great VD. 1245 01:04:06,844 --> 01:04:12,348 Ha ha, well, man of flowery words, then you are stupid. 1246 01:04:12,349 --> 01:04:15,451 Because no one says no to the great VD, especially 1247 01:04:15,452 --> 01:04:18,321 when VD is the director! 1248 01:04:18,322 --> 01:04:20,590 So I fire you! 1249 01:04:20,591 --> 01:04:23,226 Get off my set! 1250 01:04:23,227 --> 01:04:24,994 You think having to leave your 1251 01:04:24,995 --> 01:04:27,430 little playground here, your sandbox, is punishment? 1252 01:04:30,933 --> 01:04:32,468 Hey, don't let the door hit your 1253 01:04:32,469 --> 01:04:36,847 flowery dick on the way out. 1254 01:04:40,209 --> 01:04:42,678 You're not a hero, VD. 1255 01:04:42,679 --> 01:04:44,947 You're a movie star. 1256 01:04:44,948 --> 01:04:46,182 An icon. 1257 01:04:46,183 --> 01:04:48,017 That is not as substantial or deep as the 1258 01:04:48,018 --> 01:04:50,586 film your image is recorded on. 1259 01:04:50,587 --> 01:04:54,957 A vapid photon, glittering for an ignorant audience. 1260 01:04:54,958 --> 01:04:57,927 I pity, really pity your fans. 1261 01:04:57,928 --> 01:04:59,662 I wish they knew what an appalling effort it takes 1262 01:04:59,663 --> 01:05:02,899 to get your facade ready to be photographed. 1263 01:05:02,900 --> 01:05:05,568 A photograph of a facade that moves. 1264 01:05:05,569 --> 01:05:08,704 That is how I shall remember you. 1265 01:05:08,705 --> 01:05:12,108 You cannot hear my no, but you will hear the no 1266 01:05:12,109 --> 01:05:16,144 that life delivers you. 1267 01:05:16,145 --> 01:05:20,483 VD, you are the disease. 1268 01:05:20,484 --> 01:05:25,353 And you, and you alone are the cure. 1269 01:05:58,521 --> 01:06:01,991 I am the disease and I am the cure. 1270 01:06:01,992 --> 01:06:06,536 That was my line, he changed it. 1271 01:06:07,396 --> 01:06:09,332 He was joking. 1272 01:06:09,333 --> 01:06:12,958 Joke's on you. 1273 01:06:17,707 --> 01:06:21,143 VD, where are you going? 1274 01:06:21,144 --> 01:06:24,180 I'll be back. 1275 01:06:24,181 --> 01:06:27,682 We have to finish the movie. 1276 01:06:34,757 --> 01:06:36,726 People are supposed to say no to me, 1277 01:06:36,727 --> 01:06:39,893 you wanna say no to me? 1278 01:06:40,029 --> 01:06:44,000 Okay, umm, no, no! 1279 01:06:44,001 --> 01:06:48,085 You cannot leave set. 1280 01:07:04,520 --> 01:07:08,981 Fuck you. 1281 01:07:44,527 --> 01:07:45,761 You want to say no? 1282 01:07:45,762 --> 01:07:47,563 To me? 1283 01:07:47,564 --> 01:07:51,149 To the great VD? 1284 01:07:51,267 --> 01:07:54,770 You should say no to me. 1285 01:08:06,550 --> 01:08:10,050 What, did I get some on my face? 1286 01:08:14,790 --> 01:08:17,693 What, what, what are you doing? 1287 01:08:17,694 --> 01:08:20,096 My dick says no to me. 1288 01:08:20,097 --> 01:08:21,664 My dick says no to me. 1289 01:08:21,665 --> 01:08:22,665 Stop this! 1290 01:08:22,666 --> 01:08:25,267 Stop it! 1291 01:08:28,238 --> 01:08:29,438 Who is it? 1292 01:08:33,509 --> 01:08:35,009 Maria. 1293 01:08:35,678 --> 01:08:37,279 Hi. 1294 01:08:37,280 --> 01:08:38,314 Hi baby. 1295 01:08:38,315 --> 01:08:39,715 What are you doing here? 1296 01:08:39,716 --> 01:08:43,285 Well I wanted to get you something to remember me by. 1297 01:08:43,286 --> 01:08:44,453 Oh thank you, Maria. 1298 01:08:44,454 --> 01:08:46,355 I didn't think maybe you were gonna actually 1299 01:08:46,356 --> 01:08:47,590 go shopping for me. 1300 01:08:47,591 --> 01:08:49,458 What is it? 1301 01:08:49,459 --> 01:08:52,460 Well open it. 1302 01:08:53,295 --> 01:08:54,930 Oh! 1303 01:08:58,267 --> 01:09:00,169 You didn't get this at a store. 1304 01:09:00,170 --> 01:09:01,270 No, I didn't. 1305 01:09:01,271 --> 01:09:02,771 Props had an extra one. 1306 01:09:02,772 --> 01:09:03,506 You like? 1307 01:09:03,507 --> 01:09:05,965 Awwww. 1308 01:09:07,343 --> 01:09:08,777 I love you. 1309 01:09:08,778 --> 01:09:13,549 Awww, honey you know it's not love, it's location. 1310 01:09:13,550 --> 01:09:15,484 I know. 1311 01:09:15,485 --> 01:09:18,454 But it's still sad to see you go anyway. 1312 01:09:18,455 --> 01:09:19,722 Aww, it was fun. 1313 01:09:19,723 --> 01:09:21,390 Yeah. 1314 01:09:21,391 --> 01:09:23,807 Bye. 1315 01:09:27,296 --> 01:09:28,330 Have fun. 1316 01:09:28,331 --> 01:09:29,465 I'll miss your tuckus. 1317 01:09:29,466 --> 01:09:33,384 I'll miss yours too. 1318 01:09:37,206 --> 01:09:40,082 Maria. 1319 01:09:41,343 --> 01:09:43,646 VD, I need you to focus, are you ready? 1320 01:09:43,647 --> 01:09:45,481 I was born ready. 1321 01:09:45,482 --> 01:09:49,618 Today is a good day to fly. 1322 01:09:49,619 --> 01:09:53,522 Today is a good day to fly. 1323 01:09:53,523 --> 01:09:54,590 Alright, here we go. 1324 01:09:54,591 --> 01:09:58,727 On three, two, one. 1325 01:09:58,728 --> 01:10:01,597 Oh, look I am Superman! 1326 01:10:01,598 --> 01:10:03,432 Ho ho! 1327 01:10:03,433 --> 01:10:07,803 And once again, I have saved New York for the 47th time. 1328 01:10:07,804 --> 01:10:09,972 Ahh, wooo! 1329 01:10:09,973 --> 01:10:13,391 And I go woooooo.... 1330 01:10:15,778 --> 01:10:19,013 Oh that's a nice rocket. 1331 01:10:19,014 --> 01:10:20,849 Director. 1332 01:10:20,850 --> 01:10:23,452 Director. 1333 01:10:23,453 --> 01:10:26,255 Now do I look like a fish? 1334 01:10:26,256 --> 01:10:28,257 Am I the fish? 1335 01:10:28,258 --> 01:10:32,384 Woo! 1336 01:10:35,297 --> 01:10:39,001 And now, I'm Super, not yet I'm not Superman. 1337 01:10:44,807 --> 01:10:46,809 Oh, we got hung behind the rocket. 1338 01:10:46,810 --> 01:10:48,911 Okay. 1339 01:10:48,912 --> 01:10:51,680 You think they can keep hoisting him 1340 01:10:51,681 --> 01:10:52,948 right out of building? 1341 01:10:52,949 --> 01:10:54,316 Oh I think they have something 1342 01:10:54,317 --> 01:10:56,652 even better than even that planned. 1343 01:10:56,653 --> 01:10:59,922 Woo! 1344 01:10:59,923 --> 01:11:02,391 Whoa! 1345 01:11:02,392 --> 01:11:05,327 That was a little bit too fast there, Mark. 1346 01:11:05,328 --> 01:11:09,898 I'm a-spinning like that little thing with the horses, 1347 01:11:09,899 --> 01:11:12,034 the round one. 1348 01:11:12,035 --> 01:11:15,337 I, I think the balance is off. 1349 01:11:15,338 --> 01:11:17,806 I'm a-stuck-ed here. 1350 01:11:17,807 --> 01:11:19,642 Uh, let's take me down. 1351 01:11:19,643 --> 01:11:20,976 Hey, yeah we're on it VD. 1352 01:11:20,977 --> 01:11:21,844 Bring it down! 1353 01:11:21,845 --> 01:11:23,545 It's uncomfortable. 1354 01:11:23,546 --> 01:11:27,850 I don't, I don't feel so good. 1355 01:11:27,851 --> 01:11:30,386 Oh, I feel all sweaty. 1356 01:11:35,292 --> 01:11:37,626 I told Louie I did not want the fish. 1357 01:11:37,627 --> 01:11:39,328 VD are you all right? 1358 01:11:39,329 --> 01:11:44,600 Okay I think I'm , I feel better actually I'm Okay. 1359 01:11:44,601 --> 01:11:46,302 But get me down. 1360 01:11:48,071 --> 01:11:50,939 Oh God. 1361 01:11:50,940 --> 01:11:53,309 I don't feel so good. 1362 01:11:53,310 --> 01:11:56,845 Oh God, my arm hurts, GET ME DOWN! 1363 01:11:56,846 --> 01:11:59,615 My arm! 1364 01:12:35,150 --> 01:12:36,885 Can we get him down? 1365 01:12:36,886 --> 01:12:38,821 VD, VD, here. 1366 01:12:38,822 --> 01:12:40,456 VD, talk to me. 1367 01:12:40,457 --> 01:12:41,623 Talk to me. 1368 01:12:41,624 --> 01:12:45,059 Get in here, come on come on come on! 1369 01:12:45,060 --> 01:12:47,663 That was a puke smell. 1370 01:12:47,664 --> 01:12:49,565 I think I know what it is. 1371 01:12:49,566 --> 01:12:50,733 What? 1372 01:12:50,734 --> 01:12:53,102 The uh, the tattoo, the talons. 1373 01:12:53,103 --> 01:12:55,104 Yeah? 1374 01:12:55,105 --> 01:12:57,139 I think it's a straight shot into his 1375 01:12:57,140 --> 01:12:58,774 subconscious, he knows. 1376 01:12:58,775 --> 01:13:00,175 What? 1377 01:13:00,176 --> 01:13:02,177 He knows that he is controlled by his dick. 1378 01:13:02,178 --> 01:13:05,781 And his dick is controlled by some winged thing 1379 01:13:05,782 --> 01:13:08,183 in the sky that he has no control over, some 1380 01:13:08,184 --> 01:13:11,987 winged, whimsical beast that has pulled him 1381 01:13:11,988 --> 01:13:15,824 and yanked him and the talons are deep into his flesh, 1382 01:13:15,825 --> 01:13:19,128 and he can't control it, and it's like he's 1383 01:13:19,129 --> 01:13:20,662 telling his dick that he knows. 1384 01:13:20,663 --> 01:13:22,664 It's a concession of sorts. 1385 01:13:22,665 --> 01:13:25,000 He's conceding to his dick. 1386 01:13:25,001 --> 01:13:26,969 He was blown out of his mind and uh, 1387 01:13:26,970 --> 01:13:28,771 probably picked the wrong picture. 1388 01:13:28,772 --> 01:13:30,539 No, he knows. 1389 01:13:30,540 --> 01:13:32,908 It's a recognition of your own faults. 1390 01:13:32,909 --> 01:13:35,144 You know it actually takes a lot of, he may 1391 01:13:35,145 --> 01:13:36,812 have more insight than we think. 1392 01:13:36,813 --> 01:13:38,180 You know, God damn, the tattoo, I like it. 1393 01:13:38,181 --> 01:13:40,082 Son of a bitch knows! 1394 01:13:40,083 --> 01:13:42,818 He knows! 1395 01:13:42,819 --> 01:13:44,052 Can I get a gurney in here, please? 1396 01:13:44,053 --> 01:13:48,764 Let's go, move it in. 1397 01:13:51,994 --> 01:13:53,495 Here we go, here we go. 1398 01:13:53,496 --> 01:13:54,696 Get him off, get him off. 1399 01:13:54,697 --> 01:13:56,165 Let's go, let's go let's go! 1400 01:13:56,166 --> 01:13:59,901 How 'bout some help, Ivan! 1401 01:13:59,902 --> 01:14:00,901 We got it. 1402 01:14:13,916 --> 01:14:18,502 Clear! 1403 01:14:20,856 --> 01:14:24,193 Do you believe in karma? 1404 01:14:24,194 --> 01:14:26,462 Well, yeah, but it's not often you get to see 1405 01:14:26,463 --> 01:14:31,033 the big wheel go all the way around in one lifetime. 1406 01:14:31,034 --> 01:14:33,936 I know you're liking his tattoo, but uh, 1407 01:14:33,937 --> 01:14:35,938 he shits on everybody. 1408 01:14:35,939 --> 01:14:42,484 His wife, his children, he probably shits on his own dog. 1409 01:14:54,957 --> 01:14:57,259 Hey, don't wrap up! 1410 01:14:57,260 --> 01:14:59,161 This is not a wrap! 1411 01:14:59,162 --> 01:15:01,797 We will shoot the scene with doubles. 1412 01:15:01,798 --> 01:15:02,865 Not today! 1413 01:15:02,866 --> 01:15:03,866 No no no! 1414 01:15:03,867 --> 01:15:05,100 Get his body off of here! 1415 01:15:05,101 --> 01:15:10,646 We are going to shoot the scene with... 1416 01:15:11,740 --> 01:15:13,008 No! 1417 01:15:13,009 --> 01:15:14,643 Oh, now she says no. 1418 01:15:14,644 --> 01:15:16,545 NO! 1419 01:15:16,546 --> 01:15:20,615 NO!!! 1420 01:15:25,954 --> 01:15:28,090 What happen-ed? 1421 01:15:28,091 --> 01:15:34,263 I was, I was Peter Pan, and I was doing the flying, 1422 01:15:34,264 --> 01:15:38,066 and I saw Neverland, and Tinkerbell was calling, 1423 01:15:38,067 --> 01:15:44,113 and there was the fippy-fippy thing. 1424 01:15:44,673 --> 01:15:47,709 God my mouth tastes like shit, could I have some water? 1425 01:15:47,710 --> 01:15:48,744 Water! 1426 01:15:48,745 --> 01:15:50,746 Louie's supplying it. 1427 01:15:50,747 --> 01:15:52,548 VD please, just lay back down. 1428 01:15:52,549 --> 01:15:53,715 Oh thank you. 1429 01:15:53,716 --> 01:15:54,683 We gotta get you to the hospital. 1430 01:15:54,684 --> 01:15:55,851 What? 1431 01:15:55,852 --> 01:15:56,885 We gotta get you to the hospital. 1432 01:15:56,886 --> 01:15:58,687 We have a movie to make! 1433 01:15:58,688 --> 01:16:01,256 VD, you just had a heart attack! 1434 01:16:01,257 --> 01:16:03,225 What?! 1435 01:16:03,226 --> 01:16:05,827 You had a heart attack. 1436 01:16:05,828 --> 01:16:08,597 Oh that is bullshit. 1437 01:16:16,705 --> 01:16:19,041 Whoa. 1438 01:16:19,042 --> 01:16:21,176 Sue? 1439 01:16:21,177 --> 01:16:23,011 Sue! 1440 01:16:23,012 --> 01:16:24,079 Okay. 1441 01:16:24,080 --> 01:16:24,913 Alright. 1442 01:16:24,914 --> 01:16:27,849 Alright, to the trailer! 1443 01:16:31,154 --> 01:16:33,904 VD, we must get this shot! 1444 01:16:37,192 --> 01:16:38,794 Does he listen to anybody? 1445 01:16:38,795 --> 01:16:41,663 No. 1446 01:16:54,843 --> 01:16:58,179 It's working! 1447 01:17:05,888 --> 01:17:11,976 �1812 Overture by Tchaikovsky 1448 01:17:56,338 --> 01:17:58,306 Starring in the next movie 1449 01:17:58,307 --> 01:18:01,342 that I make, Salma Hayek. 1450 01:18:03,346 --> 01:18:04,279 Adios! 1451 01:18:04,280 --> 01:18:08,949 Salma, call me! 1452 01:18:09,217 --> 01:18:11,720 Yes, Mr. Duseldorfer directed much 1453 01:18:11,721 --> 01:18:13,355 of what you will see tonight, plus 1454 01:18:13,356 --> 01:18:18,260 he will direct the sequel, Hardest Time on Mars. 1455 01:18:18,261 --> 01:18:19,861 Starting next month. 1456 01:18:19,862 --> 01:18:21,196 He is a natural. 1457 01:18:21,197 --> 01:18:24,299 Behind and in front, oh. 1458 01:18:34,209 --> 01:18:37,837 Vardell, Vardell! 1459 01:18:38,914 --> 01:18:41,832 VD, tell us about rehab. 1460 01:18:41,917 --> 01:18:44,668 VD, are you single? 1461 01:18:51,226 --> 01:18:53,395 You stay up all night thinking of that questions, 1462 01:18:53,396 --> 01:18:56,364 huh, you you you you, you go to many colleges, huh 1463 01:18:56,365 --> 01:18:59,801 to uh, think up questions like that to ask in front 1464 01:18:59,802 --> 01:19:05,173 of a man with a wife and a family? 1465 01:19:05,174 --> 01:19:08,043 I tell you this, we make movies. 1466 01:19:08,044 --> 01:19:09,444 Yes. 1467 01:19:09,445 --> 01:19:10,979 You make great ones, Vardell! 1468 01:19:10,980 --> 01:19:12,547 You, you you you make opinions, which is like 1469 01:19:12,548 --> 01:19:16,351 that, that that joke, that everyone has one of huh? 1470 01:19:16,352 --> 01:19:21,388 You use that to make a questions, too? 1471 01:19:21,389 --> 01:19:24,059 I tell you this, Mr. Reporter, your words 1472 01:19:24,060 --> 01:19:29,331 they will be read for a few day, Hard Time on Mars 1473 01:19:29,332 --> 01:19:31,233 will be watched forever! 1474 01:19:45,080 --> 01:19:47,149 I thought one of you geniuses would uh, 1475 01:19:47,150 --> 01:19:53,788 ask me about rehab, so I prepared a little answer. 1476 01:19:53,789 --> 01:19:56,858 I tell you this. 1477 01:19:56,859 --> 01:20:02,798 Re, re, re-rehab, it's a little embarrassing but 1478 01:20:02,799 --> 01:20:08,904 like pie in the face, it's a part of show business! 1479 01:20:08,905 --> 01:20:10,071 Ha ha! 1480 01:20:10,072 --> 01:20:13,073 All part of show business! 1481 01:20:48,376 --> 01:20:50,579 Sir Jeffrey, stick with me, we just became 1482 01:20:50,580 --> 01:20:52,247 the photo op of the week. 1483 01:20:52,248 --> 01:20:53,648 Oh! 1484 01:20:53,649 --> 01:20:56,952 You think I left rehab three times to get high? 1485 01:20:56,953 --> 01:21:00,954 Every time it made the front page! 1486 01:21:04,259 --> 01:21:09,763 Tell your lazy ass agent to send me a thank you. 1487 01:21:09,865 --> 01:21:11,166 Are you ready to do this? 1488 01:21:11,167 --> 01:21:12,400 Oh yes, all right. 1489 01:21:12,401 --> 01:21:13,535 Okay. 1490 01:21:13,536 --> 01:21:15,070 Ready? 1491 01:21:15,071 --> 01:21:18,340 Three, two, one. 1492 01:21:25,180 --> 01:21:26,514 Oh there you are. 1493 01:21:26,515 --> 01:21:32,086 That's how we did Hard Time on Mars. 1494 01:21:55,911 --> 01:22:00,455 Hard Time on Mars! 1495 01:22:00,582 --> 01:22:06,295 � Hard Time on Mars by Gooding and Brian Thompson� 1496 01:23:29,671 --> 01:23:33,108 VD, it's pie in face, it's part of show business. 1497 01:23:33,109 --> 01:23:35,777 It's pie in face, it's part of show business. 1498 01:23:44,019 --> 01:23:46,254 I , I don't know what to say I'm... 1499 01:23:46,255 --> 01:23:52,593 I'm really very moved. 1500 01:23:54,562 --> 01:23:57,799 The Greek salad olives and tomatoes. 1501 01:24:02,537 --> 01:24:06,623 Boss says you should come wit' us. 1502 01:24:22,357 --> 01:24:27,194 Hey Poncho, suck on this. 1503 01:24:27,195 --> 01:24:31,266 Hey you come to my restaurant, I get the best domates, 1504 01:24:31,267 --> 01:24:34,202 tzatziki, salad, you come with me, come on. 106116

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