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1
00:00:19,100 --> 00:00:20,570
- I'VE BEEN WATCHING TV
A LOT, Y'ALL.
2
00:00:20,567 --> 00:00:22,027
IT'S TRIPPING ME OUT.
3
00:00:22,033 --> 00:00:23,433
EVERYBODY HERE SEEN
4
00:00:23,433 --> 00:00:25,103
THOSE EARLY PREGNANCY
TEST COMMERCIALS?
5
00:00:25,100 --> 00:00:26,770
YOU NOTICE THEY ONLY GOT
WHITE PEOPLE IN THEM?
6
00:00:26,767 --> 00:00:29,067
AND EVERYBODY IN
THE COMMERCIAL IS HAPPY?
7
00:00:29,066 --> 00:00:30,926
THE GIRL COME OUT
THE BATHROOM...
8
00:00:30,934 --> 00:00:34,204
"HONEY...
9
00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:36,800
GUESS WHAT."
10
00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:40,300
AND HE'S SITTING ON THE COUCH.
"WHAT, BABE?
11
00:00:40,300 --> 00:00:42,500
WE'RE POSITIVE. FUCKIN' A."
12
00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:44,000
[APPLAUSE]
13
00:00:46,734 --> 00:00:50,174
HA. THAT SHIT AIN'T REAL.
14
00:00:50,166 --> 00:00:52,966
I WANT TO SEE A SISTER...
15
00:00:52,967 --> 00:00:54,467
EVERY BROTHER HERE WANTS TO JUST
SEE ONE SISTER
16
00:00:54,467 --> 00:00:55,867
GOING IN THE BATHROOM.
SHE BE IN THERE,
17
00:00:55,867 --> 00:00:58,697
AND THEY JUST BE LIKE, "DAMN."
18
00:01:12,500 --> 00:01:13,770
[EXHALES]
19
00:01:13,767 --> 00:01:15,627
"GUESS WHAT.
20
00:01:15,633 --> 00:01:17,933
YOUR ASS NEED A JOB."
21
00:01:22,266 --> 00:01:24,266
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
HOME BOX OFFICE, INC.
22
00:01:24,266 --> 00:01:27,866
- IT'S THE RUSSELL SIMMONS'
DEF COMEDY JAM
23
00:01:27,867 --> 00:01:29,427
WITH YOUR HOST...
24
00:01:32,333 --> 00:01:33,773
TONIGHT'S GUESTS...
25
00:01:33,767 --> 00:01:35,267
MALIK S.,
26
00:01:35,266 --> 00:01:37,066
DAVID RAIBON,
27
00:01:37,066 --> 00:01:38,966
B. COLE...
28
00:01:38,967 --> 00:01:40,767
AND GERALD KELLY.
29
00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:44,800
I AM YOUR MAN,
THE WORLD'S GREATEST DJ...
30
00:01:46,967 --> 00:01:48,997
AND THIS IS COMEDY AT ITS BEST.
31
00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:54,030
LET'S GET IT ON WITH YOUR HOST,
D.L. HUGHLEY.
32
00:01:54,033 --> 00:01:55,473
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
33
00:01:59,767 --> 00:02:02,627
- GIVE ME SOME!
34
00:02:02,633 --> 00:02:04,073
YEAH.
35
00:02:06,367 --> 00:02:08,367
GIVE IT TO MY MAN, KID CAPRI.
36
00:02:08,367 --> 00:02:09,627
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
37
00:02:09,633 --> 00:02:10,803
HOW Y'ALL DOING?
38
00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:12,370
- WHAT'S UP, MY LEGEND?
39
00:02:12,367 --> 00:02:14,597
- SO ALL THEM SONGS
YOU MIX YOURSELF, HUH?
40
00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:16,600
- ALL THESE BEATS,
WE DO THE NIGHT BEFORE.
41
00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:18,200
WE USED TO PLAY A LOT OF
THE DEF JAM RECORDS.
42
00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:19,800
THEY LET ME PLAY
MY OWN BEATS NOW...
43
00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:21,770
- SEE, THERE IT IS.
ONE MORE TIME, GIVE IT TO MY MAN, KID CAPRI.
44
00:02:21,767 --> 00:02:23,097
- YO. WHAT'S UP.
45
00:02:23,100 --> 00:02:25,100
[APPLAUSE]
46
00:02:25,100 --> 00:02:27,530
- WE STARTED THIS SHIT
A LONG TIME AGO, MAN.
47
00:02:27,533 --> 00:02:29,503
HIP HOP DONE CHANGED
SINCE THEN, MAN.
48
00:02:29,500 --> 00:02:31,570
NOW EVERY TIME--I MEAN, AND I'M
NOT KNOCKING NOBODY.
49
00:02:31,567 --> 00:02:33,267
PEOPLE GO, "OH, YOU SHOULDN'T
BUY THAT ALBUM.
50
00:02:33,266 --> 00:02:34,766
IT'S DENIGRATING YOUR PEOPLE."
51
00:02:34,767 --> 00:02:36,227
IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BUY
THE FUCKING ALBUM,
52
00:02:36,233 --> 00:02:37,773
DON'T BUY IT, YOU KNOW?
53
00:02:37,767 --> 00:02:39,467
I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT NOW.
ALL KIND OF SHIT IS GOING ON.
54
00:02:39,467 --> 00:02:40,997
MICHAEL VICK IS IN A WORLD
OF FUCKING TROUBLE, MAN.
55
00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:42,270
THAT'S FUCKED UP.
56
00:02:42,266 --> 00:02:44,296
AND THIS IS THE TRUTH.
57
00:02:44,300 --> 00:02:46,370
PEOPLE WITH SHIT TO LOSE CAN'T
HANG OUT WITH MOTHERFUCKERS WHO DON'T GOT SHIT TO LOSE,
58
00:02:46,367 --> 00:02:50,067
BECAUSE PEOPLE WHO DON'T
GOT SHIT TO LOSE WILL LOSE YOUR SHIT FOR YOU.
59
00:02:50,066 --> 00:02:53,396
THAT'S THE DEAL.
60
00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:55,230
[APPLAUSE]
61
00:02:55,233 --> 00:02:59,333
PEOPLE TRYING TO KEEP IT REAL.
I'M TRYING TO REALLY KEEP IT. FUCK THAT SHIT.
62
00:02:59,333 --> 00:03:02,303
BECAUSE PEOPLE WHO DON'T
GOT SHIT TO LOSE WILL TELL ON YOUR ASS.
63
00:03:02,300 --> 00:03:03,830
"YOU HAVE A LAWYER?"
64
00:03:03,834 --> 00:03:05,804
"NO. BUT I GOT SOME INFORMATION
FOR THE D.A.
65
00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:08,300
FUCK THIS SHIT. I'M--"
66
00:03:08,300 --> 00:03:09,800
WHITE FOLKS LOVE DOGS, MAN.
67
00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:11,900
MAN, YOU BETTER OFF KILLING
A PERSON THAN A FUCKING DOG.
68
00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:13,430
WHITE FOLKS LOVE DOGS.
69
00:03:13,433 --> 00:03:15,403
WALKING WITHOUT A LEASH,
THEY DON'T EVEN TRY TO GET AWAY.
70
00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:17,300
IF BLACK FOLKS OPEN THE GATE,
71
00:03:17,300 --> 00:03:20,230
WE AIN'T GOT NO DOG NO MORE.
FUCK THAT SHIT.
72
00:03:20,233 --> 00:03:22,103
YOU EVER SEEN A HOMELESS
DUDE WITH A DOG.
73
00:03:22,100 --> 00:03:23,600
AIN'T THAT THE MOST
PATHETIC SHIT EVER?
74
00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:25,170
YOU KNOW, THE DOG, MAN,
75
00:03:25,166 --> 00:03:29,066
"THE MOTHERFUCKER, I COULD
HAVE DONE THIS SHIT ALL BY GODDAMN SELF.
76
00:03:29,066 --> 00:03:31,596
"THIS IS THE LONGEST WALK
IN THE FUCKING WORLD.
77
00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:33,270
"I WISH I COULD TALK FOR
5 MINUTES
78
00:03:33,266 --> 00:03:34,796
SO I CAN TELL YOU
YOU AIN'T SHIT."
79
00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:41,630
THAT'S...
80
00:03:41,633 --> 00:03:44,003
PEOPLE DON'T REALIZE,
DOGS IS ONLY--
81
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,000
LIKE, I HAVE 5 DOGS.
BUT THAT SHIT IS COOL IN AMERICA.
82
00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:47,500
AROUND THE REST OF THE WORLD,
83
00:03:47,500 --> 00:03:48,970
THEY DON'T GIVE A FUCK
ABOUT DOGS LIKE WE DO.
84
00:03:48,967 --> 00:03:52,227
IN CHINA, DOGS IS FOOD.
FUCK THAT SHIT.
85
00:03:52,233 --> 00:03:54,003
YOU NEVER SEE NO CHINESE PEOPLE
WALKING NO DOGS
86
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:55,900
BECAUSE YOU DON'T WALK FOOD.
87
00:03:55,900 --> 00:03:58,800
YOU DON'T NEVER GO TO
INGLEWOOD AND SEE A BLACK MAN WALKING A CHICKEN, WILL YOU?
88
00:04:00,166 --> 00:04:02,466
"COME ON, TWO PIECE!"
89
00:04:02,467 --> 00:04:05,127
Y'ALL READY TO GET
THIS THING GOING?
90
00:04:05,133 --> 00:04:07,273
[CHEERING]
91
00:04:07,266 --> 00:04:12,326
INDEED. THIS CAT HERE,
HIS MATERIAL IS BASED ON EVERYDAY LIFE,
92
00:04:12,333 --> 00:04:14,803
BUT THIS COMIC IS ANYTHING
BUT EVERYDAY.
93
00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:17,900
FROM MIAMI, MY MAN, MALIK S.
94
00:04:17,900 --> 00:04:19,700
[MUSIC PLAYING]
95
00:04:22,500 --> 00:04:25,600
- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
ALL RIGHT.
96
00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:29,270
THAT'S GOOD. MY PASTOR LOVE THAT
SONG RIGHT THERE, NIGGER.
97
00:04:29,266 --> 00:04:30,896
FUCK Y'ALL.
DON'T JUDGE MY PASTOR.
98
00:04:30,900 --> 00:04:33,070
AT LEAST I GO TO CHURCH.
SOME OF Y'ALL DON'T EVEN GO.
99
00:04:33,066 --> 00:04:34,566
WATCH THIS. GOD IS GOOD.
100
00:04:34,567 --> 00:04:36,097
- ALL THE TIME.
101
00:04:36,100 --> 00:04:37,570
- AND ALL THE TIME.
102
00:04:37,567 --> 00:04:39,267
- GOD IS GOOD.
103
00:04:39,266 --> 00:04:40,766
- LOOK AT THE NIGGERS
THAT DON'T GO. THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
104
00:04:40,767 --> 00:04:42,267
THEY CONFUSED AS HELL.
105
00:04:42,266 --> 00:04:44,096
"I DIDN'T KNOW TO SAY
THAT TOGETHER, DAWG."
106
00:04:44,100 --> 00:04:45,870
I DID THAT AT AN ALL-WHITE
SHOW ONE TIME.
107
00:04:45,867 --> 00:04:47,267
I WAS LIKE, "GOD IS GOOD."
108
00:04:47,266 --> 00:04:48,766
THEY WAS LIKE,
"HE WAS AWESOME!"
109
00:04:48,767 --> 00:04:50,767
I WAS LIKE, "THAT AIN'T
WHAT YOU SUPPOSED TO SAY."
110
00:04:52,433 --> 00:04:55,103
OH. I FEEL GOOD. THOUGH,
MAN, I KNOW I'M IN L.A.
111
00:04:55,100 --> 00:04:56,770
I KNOW YOU ALL WHUP
ASS OUT HERE.
112
00:04:56,767 --> 00:04:58,927
SO I JUST WANTED TO SAY,
UH, IF I SAY SOMETHING ABOUT YOU TONIGHT,
113
00:04:58,934 --> 00:05:01,474
I'M JUST BULLSHITTING.
SHIT AIN'T FUNNY OUTSIDE.
114
00:05:01,467 --> 00:05:03,397
YOU RUN UP ON ME AFTER THE SHOW,
YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL.
115
00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:04,970
I WILL PRESS CHARGES
ON YOUR ASS.
116
00:05:04,967 --> 00:05:06,927
I WANTED TO PUT IT
OUT THERE.
117
00:05:06,934 --> 00:05:08,474
BECAUSE, NIGGER, I AIN'T
EVEN FROM L.A.
118
00:05:08,467 --> 00:05:09,997
I DON'T KNOW WHICH WAY TO RUN.
119
00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:11,500
I MIGHT RUN STRAIGHT
TO YOUR DAMN NEIGHBORHOOD.
120
00:05:11,500 --> 00:05:12,930
I DON'T WANT
NO PROBLEMS, SEE?
121
00:05:12,934 --> 00:05:14,404
THIS IS NOT THUG LIFE
RIGHT HERE.
122
00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:15,900
I AM NOT NO FIGHTER.
123
00:05:15,900 --> 00:05:17,400
THAT'S WHY I LET
THE LADIES KNOW,
124
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:18,870
"YOU LOOKING FOR SOMEBODY THAT'S
GONNA DEFEND YOUR HONOR, BITCH,
125
00:05:18,867 --> 00:05:21,897
CALL YOUR BROTHERS. THEY KNOW
YOU LONGER THAN I DID. YEAH."
126
00:05:21,900 --> 00:05:23,670
THIS IS NOT THUG LIFE
RIGHT HERE.
127
00:05:23,667 --> 00:05:25,267
I WANTED TO BE A THUG,
BUT I'M TICKLISH.
128
00:05:25,266 --> 00:05:27,566
YOU CAN'T BE NO THUG
IF YOU'RE TICKLISH.
129
00:05:27,567 --> 00:05:29,227
YOU KNOW, HOW YOU
GONNA BE A THUG
130
00:05:29,233 --> 00:05:31,733
IF YOU'RE AROUND HERE GIGGLING
AND SHIT, YOU KNOW.
131
00:05:31,734 --> 00:05:33,234
AND I WEAR MY SEATBELT.
132
00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:35,873
YOU DON'T LOOK GANGSTER WITH
YOUR SEATBELT ON, NIGGER.
133
00:05:35,867 --> 00:05:37,427
HOW YOU READY TO DIE
AND YOU SAFE?
134
00:05:37,433 --> 00:05:40,103
WHAT KIND OF SHIT IS THAT?
135
00:05:40,100 --> 00:05:41,600
THIS IS NOT
THUG LIFE, NIGGER.
136
00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:43,270
THAT'S WHY I
LET THE LADIES KNOW,
137
00:05:43,266 --> 00:05:44,626
"IF I'M IN A CLUB WITH YOU
AND A MAN TOUCH YOUR ASS,
138
00:05:44,633 --> 00:05:47,273
A MAN JUST TOUCHED YOUR ASS.
THAT'S ALL IT IS."
139
00:05:47,266 --> 00:05:50,926
I BE LIKE, "GIRL, TAKE IT.
THAT'S A COMPLIMENT. SHIT.
140
00:05:50,934 --> 00:05:52,434
"HE TOUCHED MY ASS, TOO.
I AIN'T SAY NOTHING
141
00:05:52,433 --> 00:05:54,603
BUT, "THANK YOU, JAMES.
GET WALKING, BITCH.
142
00:05:54,600 --> 00:06:00,130
THAT MEAN HE LIKE US.
GET TWO DRINKS. SHIT."
143
00:06:00,133 --> 00:06:01,803
THIS IS NOT THUG LIFE.
144
00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:03,430
THAT'S WHY I
DON'T BREAK THE LAW.
145
00:06:03,433 --> 00:06:04,933
THIS IS NOT JAIL
PHYSIQUE RIGHT HERE.
146
00:06:04,934 --> 00:06:06,934
YOU WON'T GO TO JAIL
WEIGHING 140 WITH LONG HAIR.
147
00:06:06,934 --> 00:06:09,474
THAT AIN'T GONNA WORK OUT
IN YOUR FAVOR, YOU KNOW?
148
00:06:09,467 --> 00:06:11,297
IF I GO TO JAIL, AS SOON
AS I WALK IN THERE,
149
00:06:11,300 --> 00:06:12,800
I'M STRAIGHT SOMEBODY'S
GIRLFRIEND.
150
00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:14,230
I AIN'T LOOKING FOR
NO COMMITMENT RIGHT NOW.
151
00:06:14,233 --> 00:06:16,603
I AIN'T READY
FOR NO STEADY RELATIONSHIP.
152
00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:18,570
SOON AS I WALK IN THERE,
SOMEBODY TRYING TO SLEEP WITH ME ALREADY.
153
00:06:18,567 --> 00:06:20,227
I'M LIKE, "DAMN.
PLEASE SLOW DOWN.
154
00:06:20,233 --> 00:06:21,733
"LET ME SEE WHO ELSE
IN THIS, BITCH.
155
00:06:21,734 --> 00:06:24,304
"WHY YOU RUSHING?
GOD DAMN. SHIT!
156
00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:28,300
"NIGGER, I JUST GOT IN HERE.
BUY ME SOME CIGARETTES.
157
00:06:28,300 --> 00:06:29,770
I AIN'T EASY. SHIT."
158
00:06:32,633 --> 00:06:34,933
NIGGER, I GO TO JAIL, I'LL
DOO-DOOING JUST WALK AROUND.
159
00:06:34,934 --> 00:06:37,074
I'LL NEVER WASH MY ASS.
160
00:06:37,066 --> 00:06:39,066
I'LL BE LIKE,
"YOU WANT TO SLEEP WITH ME,
161
00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:41,766
YOU GOT TO BEAT THESE
FLIES THEY HAVE BEEN BUZZING ALL IN HERE."
162
00:06:41,767 --> 00:06:44,067
I'D RATHER BE STANKING
THAN SOMEBODY'S BITCH.
163
00:06:44,066 --> 00:06:45,926
FORGET THAT, YOU KNOW?
164
00:06:45,934 --> 00:06:47,434
BECAUSE I COULD TAKE A SHOWER
AND NOT BE STANKING NO MORE.
165
00:06:47,433 --> 00:06:49,103
BUT, FELLAS, ONCE THEY
GO UP IN YOU,
166
00:06:49,100 --> 00:06:51,730
YOU ARE GAY FOREVER,
AND I'M TOO SMALL TO BE IN A GAY RELATIONSHIP.
167
00:06:51,734 --> 00:06:53,274
IF I WAS IN A GAY RELATIONSHIP,
168
00:06:53,266 --> 00:06:55,096
I WOULD HAVE TO BE THE BITCH
IN THE RELATIONSHIP.
169
00:06:55,100 --> 00:06:58,270
AND I DON'T WANT
TO BE THE BITCH ALL THE TIME, YOU KNOW?
170
00:06:58,266 --> 00:07:01,266
EVERY TIME WE GOING OUT, I GOT
TO IRON TWO PAIRS OF JEANS.
171
00:07:01,266 --> 00:07:03,266
I DON'T WANT TO IRON
ALL THESE DAMN JEANS.
172
00:07:03,266 --> 00:07:04,766
BUT IF THERE'S ANY
GAY DUDES IN HERE,
173
00:07:04,767 --> 00:07:06,527
I'M JUST BULLSHITTING.
SHIT AIN'T FUNNY OUTSIDE.
174
00:07:06,533 --> 00:07:07,933
I'M JUST PLAYING WITH Y'ALL.
175
00:07:07,934 --> 00:07:12,034
I DON'T WANT TO GET BEAT UP
BY NO STRONG-ASS PUNK, YOU KNOW?
176
00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:15,830
BECAUSE IF A PUNK
WHUP YOUR ASS, Y'ALL GO TOGETHER.
177
00:07:15,834 --> 00:07:17,574
THOSE ARE THE RULES.
178
00:07:17,567 --> 00:07:19,467
THEY BE LIKE, "HOW Y'ALL MET?"
179
00:07:19,467 --> 00:07:24,997
"HE BUSTED ME IN THE FACE.
WE BEEN TOGETHER EVER SINCE."
180
00:07:26,567 --> 00:07:28,097
I AIN'T WITH THE GAY STUFF.
181
00:07:28,100 --> 00:07:29,730
I LOVE WOMEN TOO MUCH
TO BE GAY, MAN.
182
00:07:29,734 --> 00:07:31,434
BUT IT'S A NEW WORLD
WE LIVING IN, FELLAS.
183
00:07:31,433 --> 00:07:33,103
YOU CAN'T JUST BE
HAVING SEX WITH WOMEN BECAUSE THEY BEAUTIFUL.
184
00:07:33,100 --> 00:07:35,870
YOU DON'T WANT TO USE
PROTECTION? YOU BETTER PROTECT YOUR DAMN SELF.
185
00:07:35,867 --> 00:07:39,727
IT AIN'T WORTH DYING FOR
NO 15 MINUTES OF PLEASURE, YOU KNOW?
186
00:07:39,734 --> 00:07:42,074
BECAUSE THEY GOT A LOT
OF DISEASES OUT HERE.
187
00:07:42,066 --> 00:07:43,666
I WAS JUST READING
A HEALTH MAGAZINE.
188
00:07:43,667 --> 00:07:45,827
THEY GOT A BRAND-NEW
STD CALLED CHILD SUPPORT.
189
00:07:45,834 --> 00:07:48,004
I WAS LIKE, OOH! JEEZ.
190
00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:50,430
OOH, NIGGER. I'D RATHER CATCH
HERPES THAN CHILD SUPPORT.
191
00:07:50,433 --> 00:07:51,773
I'LL LIVE WITH THAT, YOU KNOW?
192
00:07:51,767 --> 00:07:53,467
HERPES DON'T LOOK THAT BAD.
193
00:07:53,467 --> 00:07:54,927
THEY BE SWIMMING AND JOGGING.
194
00:07:54,934 --> 00:07:56,804
THEY BE HAVING
A GOOD-ASS TIME.
195
00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:59,830
YOU AIN'T NEVER SEEN A MAN
ON CHILD SUPPORT SWIMMING. HE AIN'T HAPPY.
196
00:07:59,834 --> 00:08:03,434
YOU DON'T WORK 40 HOURS,
YOUR CHECK--NEGATIVE $8, YOUR ASS AIN'T HAPPY.
197
00:08:03,433 --> 00:08:06,403
THAT'S WHY I DON'T LET NO WOMAN
FOOL ME FIRST.
198
00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:08,070
THEY BE LIKE, "OH, YOU DON'T
NEED NO CONDOM
199
00:08:08,066 --> 00:08:09,466
BECAUSE I'M ON THE PILL."
200
00:08:09,467 --> 00:08:10,897
I BE LIKE, "WELL,
GIVE ME ONE, TOO.
201
00:08:10,900 --> 00:08:12,900
YOURS MIGHT NOT DISSOLVE
ON TIME."
202
00:08:12,900 --> 00:08:16,130
I'LL USE ANYTHING FOR A RUBBER--
M&M BAG, DORITO BAG.
203
00:08:16,133 --> 00:08:18,573
I'LL BE IN YOUR ASS, CRUNCHING.
204
00:08:18,567 --> 00:08:20,897
[IMITATING CRUNCH NOISE]
205
00:08:20,900 --> 00:08:23,230
YOU MIGHT BE BLEEDING,
BUT YOU WON'T BE PREGNANT.
206
00:08:23,233 --> 00:08:24,733
THAT'S FOR DAMN SURE.
207
00:08:24,734 --> 00:08:27,134
BECAUSE IF YOU BUST
AN M&M BAG,
208
00:08:27,133 --> 00:08:29,233
YOU SHOULD BE
ON DISCOVERY CHANNEL. GOD.
209
00:08:29,233 --> 00:08:32,303
BUT THIS IS NICE, MAN.
210
00:08:32,300 --> 00:08:34,270
I LIKE THIS, MAN. WE ALL
MIXED UP IN HERE.
211
00:08:34,266 --> 00:08:36,726
THIS BEAUTIFUL.
WE GOT WHITE PEOPLE IN HERE, BLACK PEOPLE IN HERE.
212
00:08:36,734 --> 00:08:38,234
BECAUSE WE GOT TOO MANY
STEREOTYPES IN THIS COUNTRY.
213
00:08:38,233 --> 00:08:40,633
THEY GOT STEREOTYPES LIKE,
IF A WHITE BOY RAP,
214
00:08:40,633 --> 00:08:42,133
HE'S TRYING TO BE BLACK.
215
00:08:42,133 --> 00:08:43,573
IF A BLACK MAN WORK,
HE TRYING TO BE WHITE.
216
00:08:43,567 --> 00:08:45,397
WE NEED TO STOP
ALL THAT BULLSHIT.
217
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:49,730
YOU KNOW, TO HATE SOMEBODY
BECAUSE OF THEIR SKIN COLOR IS IGNORANT, PEOPLE.
218
00:08:49,734 --> 00:08:51,634
BECAUSE WE GOT A NEW RACISM
IN THIS COUNTRY.
219
00:08:51,633 --> 00:08:53,233
IT'S NOT ABOUT BLACK OR WHITE
NO MORE.
220
00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:54,773
IT'S CALLED POOR PEOPLE.
221
00:08:54,767 --> 00:08:56,597
DON'T MATTER WHAT COLOR
YOUR ASS IS IN AMERICA,
222
00:08:56,600 --> 00:08:58,400
IF YOU POOR, AMERICA
DON'T LIKE YOUR ASS.
223
00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:00,230
BACK IN THE DAY, BEING WHITE
WAS THE SHIT.
224
00:09:00,233 --> 00:09:02,603
WHITE PEOPLE, I REMEMBER
Y'ALL, I REMEMBER WHEN Y'ALL WAS IN STYLE.
225
00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:04,100
IT WAS ALL ABOUT Y'ALL,
YOU KNOW?
226
00:09:04,100 --> 00:09:06,000
BUT NOW BEING WHITE AIN'T SHIT.
227
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:09,770
IF YOU WHITE AND YOU POOR,
SHIT, YOUR ASS IS BLACK. YOU JUST LIKE ME.
228
00:09:09,767 --> 00:09:11,327
WE'RE THE SAME THING.
229
00:09:11,333 --> 00:09:13,703
YOU JUST GOT GOOD HAIR.
THAT IS IT, YOU KNOW?
230
00:09:13,700 --> 00:09:15,370
BECAUSE IN THIS COUNTRY,
IF YOU GOT MONEY,
231
00:09:15,367 --> 00:09:16,927
YOU COULD DO CRIMES AND WON'T
EVEN GO TO JAIL,
232
00:09:16,934 --> 00:09:18,674
BECAUSE IT'S ALL ABOUT MONEY,
233
00:09:18,667 --> 00:09:20,367
BUT YOU GOT TO KNOW YOUR
MONEY TO KNOW YOUR CRIME.
234
00:09:20,367 --> 00:09:21,827
DON'T LET YOUR CRIME OUTWEIGH
YOUR MONEY.
235
00:09:21,834 --> 00:09:23,374
YOUR ASS GOING TO JAIL.
236
00:09:23,367 --> 00:09:25,027
LIKE, RIGHT NOW, I
GOT RED-LIGHT MONEY.
237
00:09:25,033 --> 00:09:26,933
I COULD RUN A RED LIGHT,
AIN'T SHIT GONNA HAPPEN TO ME.
238
00:09:26,934 --> 00:09:28,404
I GOT THAT COVERED,
YOU KNOW?
239
00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:30,570
I'M TRYING TO WORK MY WAY UP
TO HIT AND RUN,
240
00:09:30,567 --> 00:09:33,197
BUT I GOT RED-LIGHT MONEY
RIGHT NOW. YEAH...
241
00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:35,300
LIKE, MY BABY MAMA,
I HATE MY BABY MAMA.
242
00:09:35,300 --> 00:09:37,230
I WANT TO CHOKE HER AND SLAP
THE SHIT OUT OF HER ASS,
243
00:09:37,233 --> 00:09:39,973
BUT I CAN'T AFFORD
NO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE CASE RIGHT NOW, YOU KNOW?
244
00:09:39,967 --> 00:09:42,527
BUT I TOLD HER, WHEN I'VE
SAVED $2,500, BAM!
245
00:09:42,533 --> 00:09:44,773
"I'M SLAPPING THE SHIT
OUT YOUR ASS, BITCH."
246
00:09:44,767 --> 00:09:47,127
LIKE, MOST OF
YOU WOMEN DON'T KNOW.
247
00:09:47,133 --> 00:09:49,703
YOU $200 FROM GETTING
YOUR ASS SHOWN RIGHT NOW.
248
00:09:49,700 --> 00:09:53,730
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW IT.
249
00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:58,930
ALL RIGHT. THAT'S IT.
250
00:10:01,166 --> 00:10:04,896
YEAH, I DON'T CATCH ON FIRE
OR DO A BACK FLIP AT THE END OR NOTHING LIKE THAT,
251
00:10:04,900 --> 00:10:06,130
YOU KNOW?
252
00:10:06,133 --> 00:10:07,603
YEAH, A LOT OF COMEDIANS,
THEY GONNA COME UP HERE,
253
00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:09,270
THEY GONNA HAVE A BIG JOKE.
NOT ME. THIS IS A JOB.
254
00:10:09,266 --> 00:10:13,096
SO I TREAT IT JUST LIKE
YOU TREAT YOUR JOB.
255
00:10:13,100 --> 00:10:15,100
BECAUSE WHATEVER YOU DO
FOR 8 HOURS A DAY,
256
00:10:15,100 --> 00:10:18,030
RIGHT BEFORE YOU CLOCK OUT,
YOU DON'T START DOING YOUR SHIT EXTRA GOOD, DO YOU?
257
00:10:18,033 --> 00:10:20,673
[APPLAUSE]
258
00:10:20,667 --> 00:10:22,427
YOU JUST CLOCK OUT, RIGHT?
259
00:10:24,834 --> 00:10:26,574
[LAUGHTER AND CHEERING]
260
00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:34,970
- OH! A DORITO BAG?
AIN'T THAT A BITCH?
261
00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:37,197
FUCKER, I HAVE A FUNYUN FOR
A BABY. THAT'S FUCKED--
262
00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:38,700
[LAUGHTER]
263
00:10:38,700 --> 00:10:41,830
I'VE SEEN THIS MAN DO HIS THING
FOR A LOT OF YEARS.
264
00:10:41,834 --> 00:10:43,304
HE'S ABOUT TO TEAR IT UP.
265
00:10:43,300 --> 00:10:45,200
HE'S MY MAIN MAN FROM HOUSTON.
266
00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:47,100
GIVE IT UP FOR DAVID RAIBON.
267
00:10:47,100 --> 00:10:48,630
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
268
00:10:52,967 --> 00:10:55,597
- YES, Y'ALL, MAKE SOME NOISE.
269
00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:57,100
[CHEERING CONTINUES]
270
00:10:57,100 --> 00:10:59,970
HOW Y'ALL FEELING?
Y'ALL LIKE MY OUTFIT?
271
00:10:59,967 --> 00:11:01,297
- YEAH!
272
00:11:01,300 --> 00:11:03,600
- GOOD. THIS SHIT GOING BACK
RIGHT AFTER THE SHOW.
273
00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:06,230
I NEED THE MONEY
FROM THIS TO GET GAS.
274
00:11:06,233 --> 00:11:08,573
GAS HIGH AS
A MOTHERFUCKER, AIN'T IT?
275
00:11:08,567 --> 00:11:10,327
GAS SO HIGH, THE L.A. PIMPS
GOT TO CARPOOL NOW.
276
00:11:10,333 --> 00:11:12,273
AIN'T THAT FUCKED UP?
277
00:11:12,266 --> 00:11:17,126
THEY RIDING 4 DEEP WITH PIMPS
AND FURS AND NAPPY-HEADED HOs.
278
00:11:17,133 --> 00:11:19,103
I WANTED TO SAY, FIRST OF ALL,
I'M HERE TO BRING LOVE
279
00:11:19,100 --> 00:11:20,270
TO EVERYBODY.
280
00:11:20,266 --> 00:11:22,566
IS ANY WHITE PEOPLE
IN THE HOUSE TONIGHT? ANY?
281
00:11:22,567 --> 00:11:23,927
[APPLAUSE]
282
00:11:23,934 --> 00:11:26,274
COME ON, Y'ALL. GIVE IT UP FOR
THE WHITE PEOPLE.
283
00:11:26,266 --> 00:11:27,766
COME ON.
284
00:11:29,300 --> 00:11:31,800
I KNOW IT'S HARD, BUT GIVE
IT UP FOR ME.
285
00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:34,170
THEY CAME AND GOT US.
THEY CAME AND GOT US.
286
00:11:34,166 --> 00:11:37,426
COME ON. IT WAS A FUCKED UP
BOAT RIDE, BUT THEY CAME. THEY CAME. COME ON, NOW.
287
00:11:37,433 --> 00:11:38,933
DIDN'T NOBODY ELSE COME
AND GET OUR ASS.
288
00:11:38,934 --> 00:11:40,434
THE INDIANS WAS HERE.
289
00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:41,973
THEY COULD HAVE CAME.
THEY HAD CANOES.
290
00:11:41,967 --> 00:11:43,467
IMAGINE HOW FUCKED UP
THAT BOAT RIDE WOULD HAVE BEEN.
291
00:11:43,467 --> 00:11:44,967
FIT THE NIGGERS IN
A NARROW-ASS TREE?
292
00:11:44,967 --> 00:11:46,967
WE NEVER WOULD HAVE
MADE IT TO AMERICA.
293
00:11:46,967 --> 00:11:49,827
SURE, IT WAS ALL FUCKED UP,
BUT TUPAC SAID "WHAT DON'T KILL YOU MAKE YOU STRONGER,"
294
00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:52,134
RIGHT? WE DONE GOT BETTER
FOR THAT SHIT.
295
00:11:52,133 --> 00:11:55,003
THEY CAME AND GOT US.
THEY WENT TO AFRICA-- HOT-ASS AFRICA.
296
00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:57,530
NOW, I AIN'T NEVER BEEN TO
AFRICA, BUT I'VE SEEN IT ON THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL.
297
00:11:57,533 --> 00:11:59,803
IT LOOK HOT ON TV.
298
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:02,630
I'M ALL FAMILIAR WITH SPAGHETTI,
NOT THE SERENGETI.
299
00:12:02,633 --> 00:12:05,003
AND MY BLACK ASS RIGHT
HERE IN AMERICA.
300
00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:06,430
I DON'T EVEN LIKE THE TERM
"AFRICAN AMERICAN." YOU KNOW WHY?
301
00:12:06,433 --> 00:12:08,103
BECAUSE I'M BLACK. I'M BLACK.
MY DADDY WAS BLACK.
302
00:12:08,100 --> 00:12:10,800
MY GREAT-GRANDDADDY WAS BLACK.
THEY ALL WAS BLACK.
303
00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:12,700
I'M NOT AFRICAN AMERICAN.
I'M BLACK.
304
00:12:12,700 --> 00:12:14,200
YOU KNOW WHY I KNOW I'M BLACK?
305
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:15,770
BECAUSE EVERY TIME I TRY TO GET
A LOAN FROM THE BANK,
306
00:12:15,767 --> 00:12:17,667
THEY REMIND ME HOW BLACK
MY BLACK ASS IS.
307
00:12:17,667 --> 00:12:19,097
IT'S TOUGH, MAN.
308
00:12:19,100 --> 00:12:21,300
BUT I LOVE IT, MAN.
I LOVE EVERYBODY.
309
00:12:21,300 --> 00:12:22,970
YOU GOT TO LOVE
EVERY-FUCKING-BODY.
310
00:12:22,967 --> 00:12:25,597
MAN, I LOVE--
ANY MEXICANS HERE? MEXICANS? LATINOS? LATINAS?
311
00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:27,270
[CROWD MEMBERS CHEER]
312
00:12:27,266 --> 00:12:29,266
WOW. THERE'S QUITE
A FEW OF Y'ALL HERE
313
00:12:29,266 --> 00:12:32,096
CONSIDERING NOBODY IN
YOUR RACE HAS A DRIVER'S LICENSE OR INSURANCE.
314
00:12:32,100 --> 00:12:33,500
[APPLAUSE]
315
00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:35,230
OH, I'M JUST SERIOUS.
316
00:12:35,233 --> 00:12:37,373
[LAUGHTER]
317
00:12:37,367 --> 00:12:38,767
I'M FUCKING WITH YOU.
318
00:12:38,767 --> 00:12:40,927
I LOVE THE MEXICAN AMERICAN
PEOPLE. YOU KNOW WHY?
319
00:12:40,934 --> 00:12:43,334
BECAUSE THEY'RE THE HARDEST
WORKING PEOPLE IN THIS COUNTRY.
320
00:12:43,333 --> 00:12:46,103
NOBODY WORKS HARDER
THAN MEXICAN AMERICAN PEOPLE.
321
00:12:46,100 --> 00:12:48,570
THEY WORK HARD JUST
LOOKING FOR A JOB.
322
00:12:48,567 --> 00:12:50,127
GET UP IN THE MORNING
AND RIDE AROUND,
323
00:12:50,133 --> 00:12:53,133
THEY'LL BE STANDING ON THE CURB,
HOPING THAT A JOB DRIVE BY.
324
00:12:53,133 --> 00:12:54,133
[LAUGHTER]
325
00:12:57,633 --> 00:13:00,203
BLACK FOLK, WE NEVER
WORK THAT HARD LOOKING FOR NO GOD DAMN JOB.
326
00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:01,700
IF WE CAN'T GET A JOB
ON THE HOOK-UP,
327
00:13:01,700 --> 00:13:03,700
THEN THERE AIN'T NOBODY HIRING.
328
00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:05,300
WHAT THE FUCK AM I GONNA DO?
ROB A JOB?
329
00:13:05,300 --> 00:13:06,930
"GIVE ME A JOB!"
YOU WON'T GET A JOB LIKE THAT.
330
00:13:06,934 --> 00:13:08,634
HA HA!
331
00:13:08,633 --> 00:13:10,203
YOU GOT TO LOVE EVERYBODY.
ANY ASIANS HERE? ASIANS?
332
00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:12,200
BECAUSE I LOVE ASIANS.
ASIANS?
333
00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:13,570
[APPLAUSE]
334
00:13:13,567 --> 00:13:16,527
THAT'S A LOT OF ASIANS
TO BE IN ONE SPOT. OH, SHIT.
335
00:13:16,533 --> 00:13:18,073
I LIVE ACROSS THE STREET
FROM SOME ASIANS.
336
00:13:18,066 --> 00:13:19,566
I'M NOT EVEN SURE WHAT PART OF
ASIA THEY'RE FROM.
337
00:13:19,567 --> 00:13:21,867
THEY MIGHT NOT EVEN BE ASIAN,
BUT THEY DAMN SURE AIN'T BLACK
338
00:13:21,867 --> 00:13:23,597
AND THEY LOUDER THAN
A MOTHERFUCKER.
339
00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:24,970
BECAUSE, YOU KNOW,
WHEN BLACK PEOPLE ARE YELLING AT EACH OTHER,
340
00:13:24,967 --> 00:13:26,767
YOU KNOW SOMEBODY IS GETTING
THEIR ASS KICKED.
341
00:13:26,767 --> 00:13:29,267
THESE MOTHERFUCKERS YELL JUST IN
CONVERSATION.
342
00:13:29,266 --> 00:13:32,626
[IMITATING ASIAN DIALECT
SPOKEN LOUDLY]
343
00:13:32,633 --> 00:13:34,433
I'M ACROSS THE STREET,
GOING LIKE,
344
00:13:34,433 --> 00:13:37,003
UH-OH. IT LOOK LIKE SOME SHIT
GOING ON ACROSS THE STREET.
345
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:39,000
AND YOU HEAR HER
TALKING SHIT BACK.
346
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:40,930
[IMITATING ASIAN DIALECT
SPOKEN LOUDLY]
347
00:13:40,934 --> 00:13:43,274
OH, YEAH. I'D BETTER
GO CALL 911.
348
00:13:43,266 --> 00:13:46,266
THERE'S SOME DOMESTIC ASIAN
VIOLATIONS GOING ON.
349
00:13:46,266 --> 00:13:47,466
AND THEN YOU HEAR HER GO...
350
00:13:47,467 --> 00:13:50,227
[IMITATING ASIAN DIALECT
SPOKEN LOUDLY]
351
00:13:50,233 --> 00:13:52,003
YOU GET THAT OLD HOTEL EAR.
352
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:56,970
I THINK HE FUCKING
THE SHIT OUT OF HER.
353
00:13:56,967 --> 00:14:00,727
I LIVE ACROSS THE STREET FROM
LONG DICK DANG.
354
00:14:00,734 --> 00:14:04,404
DANG, LONG DICK.
THAT'S MY ASIAN THERE.
355
00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:06,130
LOVE HIM. YOU GOT
TO LOVE EVERYBODY, MAN.
356
00:14:06,133 --> 00:14:07,373
YOU GOT TO.
357
00:14:07,367 --> 00:14:08,867
I GUESS YOU ALL
PROBABLY WANT TO KNOW
358
00:14:08,867 --> 00:14:11,197
WHY I AIN'T SAID NOTHING ABOUT
BLACK PEOPLE, HUH?
359
00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:14,400
WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE
I WAS GIVING THEM A CHANCE TO GET HERE.
360
00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:16,070
[LAUGHTER]
361
00:14:16,066 --> 00:14:18,226
YOU KNOW, NIGGERS AT
HOME RIGHT NOW STILL TRYING TO GET DRESSED
362
00:14:18,233 --> 00:14:20,303
TO MAKE IT TO
THIS MOTHERFUCKING SHOW.
363
00:14:20,300 --> 00:14:21,900
WE DON'T GIVE A FUCK
ABOUT BEING ON TIME.
364
00:14:21,900 --> 00:14:23,400
WE AIN'T NEVER HAVE,
AND WE NEVER WILL.
365
00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:26,130
BECAUSE WE LOVE TO BE LATE.
WE JUST LOVE THAT SHIT.
366
00:14:26,133 --> 00:14:29,633
GOOD AND BLACK LATE,
JUST NEGRO LATE, DOWNRIGHT NIGGER LATE,
367
00:14:29,633 --> 00:14:32,273
JUST SLAVE LATE,
HEY-DEE LATE, APARTHEID LATE,
368
00:14:32,266 --> 00:14:34,466
JUST "CORNBREAD
EARL AND ME" LATE,
369
00:14:34,467 --> 00:14:36,767
KOOL & THE GANG LATE,
CHRISTIE LOVE LATE,
370
00:14:36,767 --> 00:14:40,097
JUST DESMOND TUTU,
TOO, TOO, TOO, GOD DAMN LATE,
371
00:14:40,100 --> 00:14:43,070
JUST GERONIMO PRATT LATE,
JUST TOO FUCKING FAT LATE,
372
00:14:43,066 --> 00:14:45,596
JUST TARDY LATE,
TWICE RETARDED LATE,
373
00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:48,430
JUST LATE FOR
NO GOD DAMN REASON LATE.
374
00:14:48,433 --> 00:14:51,703
BLACK FOLKS, WE GET UP EARLY
JUST TO BE LATE, DON'T WE?
375
00:14:51,700 --> 00:14:55,570
AIN'T GOT TO BE AT WORK TILL
9:00, GET UP AT 6:30.
376
00:14:55,567 --> 00:14:56,797
[IMITATES BIG YAWN]
377
00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:59,430
FUCK AROUND, FUCK AROUND,
FUCK AROUND.
378
00:14:59,433 --> 00:15:02,473
LAY DOWN, GET UP,
LAY DOWN, GET UP.
379
00:15:04,266 --> 00:15:07,796
GET TO WORK JUST IN TIME TO BE
LATER THAN A MOTHERFUCKER.
380
00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:09,700
AND THEN WE WANT TO COMPLAIN,
381
00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:11,270
WE CAN'T GET AHEAD BECAUSE
OF THE WHITE MAN.
382
00:15:11,266 --> 00:15:12,896
IT AIN'T THE WHITE MAN.
383
00:15:12,900 --> 00:15:15,770
IT'S THE WHITE SNOOZE BUTTON
THAT'S FUCKING YOU ALL ASSES UP.
384
00:15:15,767 --> 00:15:17,927
THAT'S WHY THE POST OFFICE
IS ALL FUCKED UP TODAY.
385
00:15:17,934 --> 00:15:19,404
BLACK-ASS MAILMEN.
386
00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:21,470
WHEN THE MAILMAN WAS WHITE,
YOU NEVER SAW THAT MOTHERFUCKER.
387
00:15:21,467 --> 00:15:23,567
YOU TRY TO CATCH HIM.
LIKE SANTA CLAUS.
388
00:15:23,567 --> 00:15:25,027
YOU RUN AFTER THAT MOTHERFUCKER.
389
00:15:25,033 --> 00:15:26,703
"DAMN! WHO WAS THAT MAILMAN?"
390
00:15:26,700 --> 00:15:28,770
NOW LEON IS DELIVERING
THE MAIL.
391
00:15:28,767 --> 00:15:31,197
THIS NIGGER DON'T SHOW UP
TILL 7:30, 8:00 AT NIGHT.
392
00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:33,570
I CAN'T EVEN CASH MY
CHECK AT THE BANK.
393
00:15:33,567 --> 00:15:35,897
I GOT TO GO TO NICK'S
CHECK CASHING TO CASH MY MOTHERFUCKER.
394
00:15:35,900 --> 00:15:38,930
LEO'S BEEN COSTING ME
20 CENTS ON THE DOLLAR, THE SON OF A BITCH.
395
00:15:38,934 --> 00:15:40,434
AND WHO EVEN HAVE
A FUCKING UNIFORM?
396
00:15:40,433 --> 00:15:43,433
JUST A PAJAMA TOP,
CUT-OFF SHORTS, FLIP-FLOPS,
397
00:15:43,433 --> 00:15:45,403
OLD RAGGED-ASS GROCERY BAG
WITH YOUR MAIL IN IT.
398
00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:46,800
WHAT THE FUCK?
399
00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:48,500
DRIVING A FUCKING
CUTLASS SUPREME.
400
00:15:48,500 --> 00:15:49,970
[IMITATING ENGINE NOT STARTING]
401
00:15:49,967 --> 00:15:53,797
BUT I LOVE IT, MAN.
I LOVE BEING BLACK, MAN.
402
00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:55,800
I LOVE RELATIONSHIPS.
STICK TO RELATIONSHIPS.
403
00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:58,300
ANYBODY BEEN MARRIED
ANY LENGTH OF TIME, ANY LENGTH OF TIME?
404
00:15:58,300 --> 00:15:59,470
TWO WEEKS, 3 WEEKS?
405
00:15:59,467 --> 00:16:01,327
GOOD LUCK. I DON'T SEE
HOW YOU CAN DO IT.
406
00:16:01,333 --> 00:16:03,403
MARRIAGE IS THE HARDEST FUCKING
THING IN THE WORLD.
407
00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:05,570
ANYBODY BEEN MARRIED ANY TIME,
GOD BLESS YOU.
408
00:16:05,567 --> 00:16:08,067
I CAN'T DO IT. I CAN'T BE WITH
THE SAME MOTHERFUCK--
409
00:16:08,066 --> 00:16:10,296
"OH, THIS BITCH IS STILL ALIVE,
STILL ALIVE.
410
00:16:10,300 --> 00:16:12,230
"BITCH, YOU KNOW YOU COULD HAVE
DIED IN YOUR SLEEP.
411
00:16:12,233 --> 00:16:13,903
YOU COULD HAVE DIED IN YOUR
MOTHERFUCKING SLEEP."
412
00:16:13,900 --> 00:16:15,330
PANTIES HIGH
AND INSURANCE PREM.
413
00:16:15,333 --> 00:16:17,573
I AIN'T GONNA NEVER GET
MY MOTHERFUCKING MONEY BACK.
414
00:16:17,567 --> 00:16:19,367
YOU GUYS WERE GREAT.
I'M DAVID RAIBON. GOD BLESS YOU.
415
00:16:19,367 --> 00:16:20,567
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
416
00:16:23,033 --> 00:16:26,033
- SHOW YOUR LOVE FOR MY MAN,
B. COLE.
417
00:16:26,033 --> 00:16:28,273
- WHAT UP? WHAT UP?
WHAT UP? WHAT UP?
418
00:16:28,266 --> 00:16:31,796
WHAT'S GOING ON?
MAN, I AM EXCITED.
419
00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:33,400
BECAUSE, MAN, I DON'T
GET OUT THE HOUSE.
420
00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:35,230
I'M A HOMEBODY. I DON'T EVEN
GO TO THE CLUBS NO MORE.
421
00:16:35,233 --> 00:16:37,833
YOU DON'T EVEN WANT TO
GO TO THE CLUBS NO MORE. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
422
00:16:37,834 --> 00:16:39,234
IT'S A DRINK HUSTLE.
423
00:16:39,233 --> 00:16:40,873
I HATE THE CLUBS, MAN.
424
00:16:40,867 --> 00:16:42,427
YOU CAN'T EVEN BUY A GIRL
A DRINK NO MORE
425
00:16:42,433 --> 00:16:44,733
WITHOUT HER THINKING YOU
WANT TO HARASS HER.
426
00:16:44,734 --> 00:16:46,774
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M
SAYING? BECAUSE, WOMEN, Y'ALL HATE THAT,
427
00:16:46,767 --> 00:16:48,727
WHEN A MAN BUY YOU A DRINK,
HE WANT TO FOLLOW YOU AROUND THE CLUB ALL NIGHT, DON'T HE?
428
00:16:48,734 --> 00:16:50,274
THERE'S NO DAMN WAY.
429
00:16:50,266 --> 00:16:52,166
DRINKS ARE 14.50, PLUS A TIP.
IF I BUY YOU A DRINK, WE GO TOGETHER.
430
00:16:52,166 --> 00:16:55,266
FUCK THAT. SHIT.
431
00:16:55,266 --> 00:16:56,926
BUT, WOMEN,
YOU ALL LOW-DOWN ANYWAY.
432
00:16:56,934 --> 00:16:58,604
YOU ALL TAKE A DRINK FROM A MAN
KNOWING DAMN WELL
433
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:00,100
YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK
TO HIS ASS.
434
00:17:00,100 --> 00:17:01,600
YOU GONNA TAKE THE DRINK ANYWAY.
435
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:03,230
YOU TRY TO DRINK THE DRINK DOWN
REAL FAST,
436
00:17:03,233 --> 00:17:04,903
BECAUSE, YOU KNOW,
ONCE THE DRINK GONE, THE CONVERSATION'S OVER WITH.
437
00:17:04,900 --> 00:17:05,900
[SLURP]
438
00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:07,100
"GONE, NIGGER."
439
00:17:07,100 --> 00:17:08,770
WHAT THE--I AIN'T EVEN SAID--
440
00:17:08,767 --> 00:17:13,967
"GONE. DRINK GONE. YOU GONE.
GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE. THANK YOU."
441
00:17:13,967 --> 00:17:16,227
YOU DON'T EVEN WANT
TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP THESE DAYS, MAN,
442
00:17:16,233 --> 00:17:17,733
YOU KNOW, ESPECIALLY
AROUND THIS TIME.
443
00:17:17,734 --> 00:17:19,304
IT'S HOLIDAY SEASON,
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
444
00:17:19,300 --> 00:17:21,200
FELLAS, YOU ALL KNOW WE HATE
HOLIDAY SEASONS
445
00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:23,070
BECAUSE, WOMEN, YOU ALL GOT TOO
MANY DAMN HOLIDAYS.
446
00:17:23,066 --> 00:17:25,966
MEN, WE AIN'T GOT HOLIDAYS
FOR US. WE GOT NOTHING, NOTHING FOR US.
447
00:17:25,967 --> 00:17:27,367
WE HAD THE SUPER BOWL,
BUT THEY STARTED COMING
448
00:17:27,367 --> 00:17:29,027
TO THE GOD DAMN PARTIES,
DIDN'T THEY?
449
00:17:29,033 --> 00:17:31,273
YOU CAN'T GO TO A SUPER BOWL
PARTY WITHOUT WOMEN BEING THERE
450
00:17:31,266 --> 00:17:33,066
AND TALKING ALL THROUGH
THE GAME AND EVERYTHING.
451
00:17:33,066 --> 00:17:34,726
"GIRL, WHO DO YOUR HAIR?"
"KEISHA."
452
00:17:34,734 --> 00:17:36,204
"REALLY? THAT'S LATOYA'S COUSIN.
453
00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:37,900
I DON'T FUCK WITH HER
BECAUSE SHE BURNED MY SCALP."
454
00:17:37,900 --> 00:17:40,030
SHUT THE FUCK UP.
THE GAME ON.
455
00:17:40,033 --> 00:17:42,073
SHUT THE FUCK UP. DAMN!
456
00:17:44,567 --> 00:17:46,227
AND WOMEN THINK
THEY OUGHT TO DRESS
457
00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:47,903
FOR THE OCCASION
AND SHIT, DON'T YOU?
458
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:50,330
THEY BE WEARING THEM
LITTLE JERSEY DRESSES WITH K-SWISS STILETTOS AND SHIT.
459
00:17:50,333 --> 00:17:52,433
"WHAT THE FUCK YOU GOT ON?"
"MY SUPER BOWL OUTFIT."
460
00:17:52,433 --> 00:17:54,433
"BITCH, THAT AIN'T
THE TYPE OF OUTFIT-- WHAT THE FUCK?"
461
00:17:54,433 --> 00:17:55,933
"IT'S THE SUPER BOWL,
AIN'T IT?"
462
00:17:55,934 --> 00:17:57,434
"WELL, WHAT YOU GOT
A BOWLING BALL FOR?"
463
00:17:57,433 --> 00:17:58,933
"BECAUSE IT'S
THE SUPER BOWL."
464
00:17:58,934 --> 00:18:00,434
"IT AIN'T THAT TYPE OF BOWL."
465
00:18:00,433 --> 00:18:02,203
"IT MATCHES MY PURSE,
MOTHERFUCKER. LET'S GO."
466
00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:04,270
GOD DAMN.
467
00:18:04,266 --> 00:18:06,326
"WHAT THE FUCK YOU GOT
A CAPE ON FOR? WHAT YOU WEARING A CAPE FOR?"
468
00:18:06,333 --> 00:18:07,733
"BECAUSE SUPER BOWL, NIGGER."
469
00:18:09,266 --> 00:18:11,396
"DON'T HAVE ME KNOCK
YOUR ASS OUT."
470
00:18:13,333 --> 00:18:15,533
MY GIRL LOOKING LIKE
A GOD DAMN SUPER HERO.
471
00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:22,400
AND BACK IN CHICAGO,
WOMEN MAKE UP HOLIDAYS.
472
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:24,570
I DON'T KNOW IF
YOU ALL HEARD OF A HOLIDAY CALLED SWEETEST DAY.
473
00:18:24,567 --> 00:18:26,897
SWEETEST DAY. NO,
WOMEN MADE A HOLIDAY,
474
00:18:26,900 --> 00:18:28,600
PUT IT ON THE CALENDAR
IN CHICAGO, AND THEY CELEBRATE IT EVERY YEAR.
475
00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:29,900
CALLED SWEETEST DAY.
476
00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:31,500
BUT THEY SAY THAT IT'S
FOR THE MEN, THOUGH.
477
00:18:31,500 --> 00:18:32,900
YOU KNOW MEN DON'T
WANT THAT SHIT.
478
00:18:32,900 --> 00:18:34,370
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
479
00:18:34,367 --> 00:18:36,227
WOMEN PICK OUT HOLIDAYS FOR MEN.
480
00:18:36,233 --> 00:18:38,233
MEN, DON'T LET YOUR WOMAN
PICK YOUR HOLIDAY FOR YOU. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
481
00:18:38,233 --> 00:18:40,233
THAT'S JUST LIKE YOUR
WOMAN GOING TO THE MALL, BUYING YOUR OUTFIT.
482
00:18:40,233 --> 00:18:43,033
NOW YOU IN THE CLUB
WITH YOUR BOYS LOOKING LIKE MR. FURLEY AND SHIT.
483
00:18:43,033 --> 00:18:44,373
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
484
00:18:44,367 --> 00:18:47,227
MEN, DON'T LET THEM
PICK YOUR HOLIDAY, MAN.
485
00:18:47,233 --> 00:18:50,403
WOMEN SCARED TO ASK A MAN
WHAT HE WANT ONCE A YEAR, 24 HOURS ALL THAT DAY,
486
00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:52,230
BECAUSE THEY KNOW IT'S GONNA
BE SOMETHING PERTAINING TO SEX.
487
00:18:52,233 --> 00:18:53,433
THEY SCARED.
488
00:18:53,433 --> 00:18:55,273
BECAUSE IF YOU ASK ME
WHAT I WANT,
489
00:18:55,266 --> 00:18:57,096
I'M GONNA LET YOU KNOW.
"HEAD DAY. GIVE ME HEAD DAY. I WANT HEAD ALL DAY.
490
00:18:57,100 --> 00:18:59,470
"COME ON. NO, COME HERE.
YOU'RE ASKING. COME HERE, YOU'RE SO CONCERNED.
491
00:18:59,467 --> 00:19:03,927
WHERE YOU GOING? COME HERE.
HEAD DAY ALL DAY."
492
00:19:03,934 --> 00:19:06,434
WE NEED A DAY LIKE HEAD DAY.
I'M SORRY.
493
00:19:06,433 --> 00:19:08,273
COME ON, FELLAS. THE ONLY WAY WE
GONNA GET IT...
494
00:19:08,266 --> 00:19:09,596
[APPLAUSE]
495
00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:11,830
COME ON. WE GOT TO UNITE.
496
00:19:11,834 --> 00:19:13,334
IF WE UNITE, WE'LL GET IT.
497
00:19:15,367 --> 00:19:17,197
HEAD DAY.
498
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:19,700
THIS IS THE DAY WE MUST RISE
AND COME TOGETHER.
499
00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:21,230
[LAUGHTER]
500
00:19:21,233 --> 00:19:23,533
RISE AND COME TOGETHER
ON HEAD DAY.
501
00:19:23,533 --> 00:19:26,203
I MEAN, CAN YOU
IMAGINE HEAD DAY?
502
00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:28,070
WHOO! BOY, FELLAS,
WE'D BE SO EXCITED,
503
00:19:28,066 --> 00:19:29,526
WE CAN'T SLEEP ON HEAD DAY EVE.
504
00:19:29,533 --> 00:19:31,533
WE'D BE LIKE, OH, DANG!
505
00:19:31,533 --> 00:19:34,033
"BROTHER, I CANNOT SLEEP.
506
00:19:34,033 --> 00:19:35,733
YOU KNOW WHY, RIGHT?"
507
00:19:35,734 --> 00:19:37,504
"YEAH, IT'S HEAD DAY.
I'M STAYING UP.
508
00:19:37,500 --> 00:19:43,130
ONLY GOT, UM, 23 HOURS.
FUCK IT."
509
00:19:43,133 --> 00:19:45,103
HEAD DAY WOULD BE THE MOST
QUIET DAY ON EARTH, TOO.
510
00:19:45,100 --> 00:19:47,900
I WANT IT TO BE QUIET.
511
00:19:47,900 --> 00:19:49,730
QUIET DAY. NO WOMEN TALKING.
512
00:19:49,734 --> 00:19:51,234
"WHAT YOU TALKING ABOUT?
WHAT'S HEAD DAY."
513
00:19:51,233 --> 00:19:54,403
UH-UH. I DON'T NEED
TO HEAR IT. NOPE!
514
00:19:55,900 --> 00:19:57,370
NO TALKING.
515
00:19:58,667 --> 00:20:00,567
NONE OF YOUR PHONES RINGING.
NONE OF YOUR HOMIES CALLING.
516
00:20:00,567 --> 00:20:02,267
I WISH A BROTHER WOULD CALL ME
ON HEAD DAY.
517
00:20:02,266 --> 00:20:04,166
DON'T CALL YOUR FRIENDS
ON HEAD DAY.
518
00:20:04,166 --> 00:20:05,296
I WILL CURSE YOUR ASS OUT.
519
00:20:05,300 --> 00:20:06,430
IT'S LIKE...
520
00:20:06,433 --> 00:20:07,773
[IMITATES TELEPHONE RING]
521
00:20:07,767 --> 00:20:09,427
"HELLO?"
"WHAT YOU DOING?"
522
00:20:09,433 --> 00:20:10,933
"MOTHERFUCKER, GETTING HEAD.
IT'S HEAD DAY! WHAT YOU WANT? DAMN!"
523
00:20:10,934 --> 00:20:12,304
"FOR REAL?"
"YEAH!"
524
00:20:12,300 --> 00:20:14,430
"MAN! SHE SAID
IT WAS NEXT WEEK."
525
00:20:14,433 --> 00:20:17,633
"NO, IT'S TODAY.
IT'S HEAD DAY, MAN."
526
00:20:17,633 --> 00:20:21,933
"MAN. SHE SAID IT WAS
SWEETEST DAY TODAY."
527
00:20:21,934 --> 00:20:24,674
"NO, IT'S HEAD DAY."
528
00:20:24,667 --> 00:20:28,267
"MAN. SHE AIN'T EVEN HERE."
529
00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:36,400
"SHE SAID SHE WAS GOING TO
BE OUT ALL DAY GETTING MY SWEETEST DAY GIFT."
530
00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:38,000
"WELL, GUESS WHAT, MOTHERFUCKER.
531
00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:41,970
IF YOUR WOMAN AIN'T WITH YOU ON
HEAD DAY, SHE DELIVERING GIFTS."
532
00:20:44,900 --> 00:20:46,900
BECAUSE MY WOMAN AIN'T GETTING
OUT OF MY SIGHT ON HEAD DAY.
533
00:20:46,900 --> 00:20:49,300
I'M SORRY. YOU CAN BE LIKE,
"I'M TAKING OUT THE GARBAGE."
534
00:20:49,300 --> 00:20:51,170
"HEY, I'M GOING, TOO,
BITCH. WAIT!
535
00:20:51,166 --> 00:20:54,266
"MIGHT BE SOME NIGGERS
IN THE ALLEYS WITH THEIR DICKS OUT.
536
00:20:54,266 --> 00:20:55,996
ANYTHING GOES ON HEAD DAY."
537
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:58,170
YO, YOU ALL BE COOL.
I'M B. COLE. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
538
00:20:58,166 --> 00:20:59,626
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
539
00:21:05,734 --> 00:21:08,474
- THIS IS HIS SECOND APPEARANCE
ON "DEF JAM."
540
00:21:08,467 --> 00:21:10,767
FROM THE BRONX,
A VERY FUNNY YOUNG CAT.
541
00:21:10,767 --> 00:21:12,727
GIVE IT UP FOR MY MAN
GERALD KELLY.
542
00:21:12,734 --> 00:21:14,534
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
543
00:21:19,700 --> 00:21:22,070
- WHAT UP? LET'S GO.
544
00:21:22,066 --> 00:21:23,926
MAKE SOME MOTHERFUCKING NOISE.
545
00:21:23,934 --> 00:21:28,104
[CROWD CHEERS]
546
00:21:28,100 --> 00:21:30,270
I GOT SOME SHIT I WANT
TO GET OFF MY CHEST.
547
00:21:30,266 --> 00:21:33,496
HOW MANY OF ALL YOU TIRED
OF MOTHERFUCKERS DOING REGULAR SHIT TO YOU,
548
00:21:33,500 --> 00:21:36,700
TRYING TO IMPRESS YOU WITH
SHIT YOU HAD DONE ALREADY?
549
00:21:36,700 --> 00:21:38,530
I HAD A GIRL THE OTHER
NIGHT TELL ME,
550
00:21:38,533 --> 00:21:42,303
"G.K., I'M GONNA SUCK YOUR DICK
WHILE YOU'RE DRIVING."
551
00:21:42,300 --> 00:21:44,630
I WAS LIKE, "OOH, OOH, OOH!"
552
00:21:44,633 --> 00:21:47,503
YOU WANT TO IMPRESS ME, BITCH,
SUCK MY DICK WHILE YOU DRIVING."
553
00:21:47,500 --> 00:21:49,130
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
554
00:21:55,433 --> 00:21:56,973
"DON'T FUCK MY TRUCK UP."
555
00:21:59,033 --> 00:22:00,803
I LOVE L.A.
556
00:22:02,467 --> 00:22:05,167
I LOVE KOBE. I LOVE HIS WIFE.
YOU KNOW WHY?
557
00:22:05,166 --> 00:22:07,526
BECAUSE YOU DON'T
LEAVE A MOTHERFUCKER WITH MONEY LIKE THAT.
558
00:22:07,533 --> 00:22:11,903
YOU DON'T LEAVE--LADIES
DON'T LEAVE A MOTHERFUCKER WITH $300 MILLION.
559
00:22:11,900 --> 00:22:13,900
I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHAT HE DID.
560
00:22:13,900 --> 00:22:17,770
I WISH MY WIFE HAD
A MILLION DOLLARS.
561
00:22:17,767 --> 00:22:19,397
THE BITCH COULD DO
WHAT SHE WANT TO DO.
562
00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:21,270
I COULD WALK IN THE HOUSE,
SHE COULD BE SUCKING ANOTHER MAN'S DICK.
563
00:22:21,266 --> 00:22:23,766
"OH, MY BAD.
564
00:22:23,767 --> 00:22:26,967
"THAT'S MY BAD. THAT'S MY BAD.
MY--NO, NO DISRESPECT.
565
00:22:26,967 --> 00:22:29,127
"EXCUSE ME FOR USING
MY KEYS AT MY HOUSE.
566
00:22:29,133 --> 00:22:31,573
WHEN YOU FINISHED,
I'LL BE IN THE BENTLEY."
567
00:22:34,066 --> 00:22:35,596
YOU DON'T LEAVE
THAT KIND OF MONEY.
568
00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:37,800
COOKIE DIDN'T LEAVE MAGIC.
569
00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:40,230
OH, YEAH, HE BROUGHT
HOME THE SHIT.
570
00:22:40,233 --> 00:22:41,603
HE WAS LIKE, "COOKIE"...
571
00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:42,770
[IMITATES SOBS]
572
00:22:42,767 --> 00:22:44,267
"COOKIE, COOKIE, I JUST--"
573
00:22:44,266 --> 00:22:46,266
SHE WAS LIKE, "OH, NIGGER,
PLEASE. IT'S JUST AIDS.
574
00:22:46,266 --> 00:22:49,096
"YOU ACT LIKE YOU TORE
AN ACL OR SOME SHIT.
575
00:22:49,100 --> 00:22:50,600
LOOK, I'LL BE IN THE BENTLEY."
576
00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:52,130
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
577
00:22:56,900 --> 00:22:59,570
I'M TIRED OF TEACHERS. TEACHERS
GET ON MY FUCKING NERVE.
578
00:22:59,567 --> 00:23:01,197
YOU GOT KIDS, YOU CAN RELATE.
579
00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:02,930
ALWAYS CALLING HOME,
COMPLAINING.
580
00:23:02,934 --> 00:23:07,304
I'M LIKE, "BITCH, 8:00 TO 3:00
IS YOUR SHIFT."
581
00:23:07,300 --> 00:23:08,970
I DON'T FUCK WITH YOU
WHEN IT'S MY SHIFT.
582
00:23:08,967 --> 00:23:11,127
I DON'T CALL YOU ON THE WEEKEND
WHEN THE GAME ON.
583
00:23:11,133 --> 00:23:12,733
"THIS NIGGER TRIPPING.
I KNOW THE GAME ON.
584
00:23:12,734 --> 00:23:14,234
WE NEED TO HOLLER AT HIM."
585
00:23:14,233 --> 00:23:16,933
AND STOP SENDING ALL THAT
HOMEWORK HOME WITH THE KIDS.
586
00:23:16,934 --> 00:23:18,734
I DON'T KNOW NONE OF THAT SHIT.
587
00:23:18,734 --> 00:23:20,074
[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]
588
00:23:20,066 --> 00:23:22,696
MY DAUGHTER IN FIRST GRADE.
HER SHIT, EASY. COLOR. TRACE.
589
00:23:22,700 --> 00:23:24,370
I'M LIKE, YES.
590
00:23:24,367 --> 00:23:26,097
MY SON IN THE TENTH GRADE.
591
00:23:26,100 --> 00:23:28,770
THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS
BRINGING SOME SHIT HOME I AIN'T SEEN IN 20 YEARS.
592
00:23:28,767 --> 00:23:31,397
IF HE PASSES IT TO ME,
I PASS IT RIGHT BACK TO HIM.
593
00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:32,930
HE COME IN THE HOUSE, "DADDY?"
594
00:23:32,934 --> 00:23:36,234
I'M LIKE, "NIGGER, GET THE FUCK
OUT OF MY FACE.
595
00:23:36,233 --> 00:23:39,603
YOU KNOW I AIN'T GRADUATE.
YOU KNOW MY G.E.D. IS UNDER INVESTIGATION."
596
00:23:44,300 --> 00:23:46,070
YOU EVER GET THAT HOMEWORK
AND JUST STARE AT IT?
597
00:23:48,166 --> 00:23:51,266
"AH! AH, THIS IS
THE NEW MATH.
598
00:23:51,266 --> 00:23:52,926
"NIGGER, THIS THE NEW MATH.
599
00:23:52,934 --> 00:23:55,834
"OH, YEAH, THEY DIDN'T HAVE THIS
SHIT WHEN I WAS IN SCHOOL.
600
00:23:55,834 --> 00:23:57,804
YOU GOT TO ADD
THIS SUBTRACTION."
601
00:23:59,133 --> 00:24:01,033
"YEAH, YOU GOT TO ADD
THIS SUBTRACTION, I THINK."
602
00:24:01,033 --> 00:24:04,633
YOU DON'T KNOW THIS SHIT.
SO YOU GOT TO THROW IT ON YOUR CHILD.
603
00:24:04,633 --> 00:24:05,873
"DID YOUR TEACHER SHOW YOU
HOW TO DO THIS?"
604
00:24:05,867 --> 00:24:07,127
"I DON'T KNOW."
605
00:24:07,133 --> 00:24:08,473
"WHAT THE FUCK YOU MEAN,
YOU DON'T KNOW?
606
00:24:08,467 --> 00:24:09,927
"DID SHE SHOW YOU
HOW TO DO THIS?
607
00:24:09,934 --> 00:24:12,734
"I GOT MY EDUCATION,
MOTHERFUCKER. I GRADUATED.
608
00:24:12,734 --> 00:24:14,734
DON'T BRING NO HOMEWORK
HOME AGAIN."
609
00:24:18,734 --> 00:24:20,404
YOU EVER DO YOUR CHILD'S
HOMEWORK FOR THEM?
610
00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:21,900
WHO EVER DONE
SOME SHIT LIKE THAT?
611
00:24:21,900 --> 00:24:23,430
I DID MY SON'S HOMEWORK FOR HIM.
612
00:24:23,433 --> 00:24:27,873
THIS MOTHERFUCKER CAME HOME--
ALL THE HOMEWORK WRONG.
613
00:24:27,867 --> 00:24:29,597
FUCKED MY PRIDE UP.
614
00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:31,100
HE CAME IN THE HOUSE.
615
00:24:31,100 --> 00:24:32,430
[IMITATES CHILD SOBBING]
616
00:24:32,433 --> 00:24:33,933
I SAID, "WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?"
617
00:24:33,934 --> 00:24:36,604
"THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED TO ME.
THE TEACHER GAVE ME TWO ZEROS."
618
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:38,100
"HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET TWO?"
619
00:24:38,100 --> 00:24:40,430
"SHE SAID, ONE FOR ME
AND ONE FOR YOU."
620
00:24:40,433 --> 00:24:43,203
[APPLAUSE]
621
00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:47,270
"SHE SAID, YOU NEED
TO GO TO SCHOOL FOR THE BIG MOTHERFUCKERS."
622
00:24:47,266 --> 00:24:48,926
I SAID,
"MAN, FUCK YOUR TEACHER."
623
00:24:48,934 --> 00:24:50,634
"SHE SAID YOU WAS
GONNA SAY THAT,
624
00:24:50,633 --> 00:24:53,103
SO SHE TOLD ME TO TELL YOU,
FUCK YOU, TOO."
625
00:24:59,700 --> 00:25:01,430
I'M TIRED OF PEOPLE
USING RACISM AS AN EXCUSE.
626
00:25:01,433 --> 00:25:03,503
WE JUST DIFFERENT.
WHITE, BLACK, DIFFERENT. AM I RIGHT?
627
00:25:03,500 --> 00:25:05,330
WE JUST DIFFERENT. AM I RIGHT?
628
00:25:05,333 --> 00:25:06,633
- YEAH.
629
00:25:06,633 --> 00:25:09,033
- WHITE PEOPLE GO TO THE ZOO,
FUCK WITH ALL THE ANIMALS.
630
00:25:09,033 --> 00:25:11,903
YOU ALL IN THE CAGE,
"HERE, LITTLE GRIZZLY."
631
00:25:13,734 --> 00:25:15,734
BEAR TAKE THEIR
WHOLE LEFT SIDE OFF.
632
00:25:15,734 --> 00:25:17,234
[IMITATES RIPPING SOUND]
633
00:25:17,233 --> 00:25:18,903
THIS MOTHERFUCKER BACK NEXT WEEK
WITH ONE SIDE.
634
00:25:18,900 --> 00:25:21,570
"I'M JUST COMING TO APOLOGIZE."
635
00:25:23,233 --> 00:25:24,733
"NO, IT WAS MY FAULT.
636
00:25:24,734 --> 00:25:26,904
I WAS IN HIS HABITAT,
SO I OWE HIM AN APOLOGY."
637
00:25:32,066 --> 00:25:33,896
YOU EVER GET INTO AN ARGUMENT
WITH A WHITE PERSON?
638
00:25:33,900 --> 00:25:35,730
"OH!" THAT MOTHERFUCKER WILL
TELL YOU IN A MINUTE,
639
00:25:35,734 --> 00:25:37,174
"YOU DON'T KNOW MY DAD."
640
00:25:37,166 --> 00:25:39,566
I'M LIKE, "MOTHERFUCKER, I DON'T
KNOW MY DAD."
641
00:25:39,567 --> 00:25:41,097
[APPLAUSE]
642
00:25:46,867 --> 00:25:48,097
WE DIFFERENT.
643
00:25:48,100 --> 00:25:49,430
WHAT ARE WE?
644
00:25:49,433 --> 00:25:50,903
DIFFERENT.
645
00:25:50,900 --> 00:25:52,270
AM I RIGHT?
646
00:25:52,266 --> 00:25:54,096
- RIGHT.
647
00:25:54,100 --> 00:25:55,530
- WE USE WORDS DIFFERENTLY.
WHITE PEOPLE USE THE WORD "HELL" IN ONE SENTENCE.
648
00:25:55,533 --> 00:25:56,933
"I'M HOT AS HELL."
649
00:25:58,600 --> 00:26:00,270
BLACK PEOPLE,
WE PUT "HELL" ANYWHERE.
650
00:26:00,266 --> 00:26:01,796
"OOH, IT'S COLD AS HELL."
"MAN, I'M HORNY AS HELL."
651
00:26:01,800 --> 00:26:04,600
"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?"
"GET THE HELL OUT OF MY FACE."
652
00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:06,930
"WHO THE HELL TOLD YOU
TO COME UP HERE?"
653
00:26:06,934 --> 00:26:08,934
THE WORD "SHIT."
654
00:26:08,934 --> 00:26:11,774
WHITE PEOPLE:
"SMELLS LIKE SHIT."
655
00:26:11,767 --> 00:26:14,797
BLACK PEOPLE:
"MAN, I'M TIRED AS SHIT."
656
00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:16,830
"OOH, WHOSE SHIT IS THIS?"
657
00:26:16,834 --> 00:26:18,934
"GET THIS SHIT OUT
OF MY LIVING ROOM! "
658
00:26:18,934 --> 00:26:23,374
"I'LL SLAP THE SHIT OUT OF YOU.
I AIN'T TAKING THAT SHIT."
659
00:26:23,367 --> 00:26:26,627
"YOU WANT TO BORROW MY CAR.
SHI-I-IT."
660
00:26:26,633 --> 00:26:28,033
[CHEERING]
661
00:26:32,166 --> 00:26:34,696
THE WORD "MOTHERFUCKER."
662
00:26:34,700 --> 00:26:37,470
WHITE PEOPLE: "MOTHERFUCKER!"
663
00:26:37,467 --> 00:26:40,297
BLACK PEOPLE: "MAN, I'M TIRED
AS A MOTHERFUCKER."
664
00:26:40,300 --> 00:26:42,400
"OOH, MY BACK HURT LIKE
A MOTHERFUCKER."
665
00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:44,200
"IT'S COLD UP IN
THIS MOTHERFUCKER."
666
00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:46,170
"YESTERDAY, IT RAINED LIKE
A MOTHERFUCKER."
667
00:26:46,166 --> 00:26:48,426
TOMORROW, IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE
HOTTER THAN A MOTHERFUCKER."
668
00:26:48,433 --> 00:26:50,273
"MAN, MY JOB GETTING ON
MY MOTHERFUCKING NERVES.
669
00:26:50,266 --> 00:26:51,926
"I'M GONNA QUIT
THAT MOTHERFUCKER,
670
00:26:51,934 --> 00:26:54,574
BUT I CAN'T BECAUSE MY RENT
HIGHER THAN A MOTHERFUCKER."
671
00:26:54,567 --> 00:26:58,027
"I WENT TO CHURCH SUNDAY.
CHURCH LONGER THAN A MOTHERFUCKER.
672
00:26:58,033 --> 00:26:59,603
PREACHER PREACHING LIKE
A MOTHERFUCKER."
673
00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:01,100
"WHO WAS THE PREACHER?"
674
00:27:01,100 --> 00:27:02,670
"I DON'T KNOW.
SOME NEW MOTHERFUCKER."
675
00:27:02,667 --> 00:27:05,327
"I LEFT OUT THE CHURCH
BROKER THAN A MOTHERFUCKER.
676
00:27:05,333 --> 00:27:07,133
"I KEPT
PASSING THE BASKET AROUND.
677
00:27:07,133 --> 00:27:09,373
"I'M LIKE, I JUST PUT MONEY
IN THIS MOTHERFUCKER.
678
00:27:09,367 --> 00:27:12,397
"I SAW SHIRLEY AT CHURCH.
SHE UGLIER THAN A MOTHERFUCKER,
679
00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:14,370
BUT THAT PUSSY GOODER
THAN A MOTHERFUCKER."
680
00:27:14,367 --> 00:27:15,827
"HOW DO YOU KNOW?"
681
00:27:15,834 --> 00:27:17,234
"I FUCKED THAT MOTHERFUCKER."
682
00:27:17,233 --> 00:27:18,703
"YOU A LYING MOTHERFUCKER."
683
00:27:18,700 --> 00:27:20,900
"RUSSELL SIMMONS, YOU RICHER
THAN A MOTHERFUCKER.
684
00:27:20,900 --> 00:27:23,070
LET ME GET SOME OF THAT
MOTHERFUCKING MONEY"...
685
00:27:26,333 --> 00:27:28,233
"BECAUSE I'M BROKER
THAN A MOTHERFUCKER."
686
00:27:28,233 --> 00:27:30,473
[CHEERING]
687
00:27:30,467 --> 00:27:32,697
I'M GERALD KELLY.
GOD BLESS Y'ALL. PEACE.
688
00:27:39,333 --> 00:27:43,173
- ONE MORE TIME.
MY MAN GERALD KELLY.
689
00:27:43,166 --> 00:27:44,196
YES!
690
00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:45,570
[CHEERING CONTINUES]
691
00:27:47,633 --> 00:27:49,273
- ♪ GET DOWN! ♪
692
00:27:49,266 --> 00:27:51,596
[LOUD CHEERING]
693
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:54,430
- AND THE MAN WHO MADE
ALL THIS POSSIBLE--
694
00:27:54,433 --> 00:27:56,103
MY MAN RUSSELL SIMMONS.
695
00:27:56,100 --> 00:27:57,930
- THANK YOU. GOD BLESS YOU.
GOOD NIGHT.
696
00:27:57,934 --> 00:27:59,274
[MUSIC PLAYING]
697
00:27:59,266 --> 00:28:02,266
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
HOME BOX OFFICE, INC.
698
00:28:02,266 --> 00:28:05,266
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--
699
00:28:05,266 --> 00:28:07,366
[CHEERING]
700
00:28:07,367 --> 00:28:09,767
- ♪ YO, CUTIE ♪
701
00:28:09,767 --> 00:28:13,227
♪ YO, YO, YO,
YO, YO CUTIE ♪
702
00:28:13,233 --> 00:28:16,203
♪ AH, YO ♪
703
00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:17,870
♪ YO ♪
704
00:28:17,867 --> 00:28:19,867
♪ YO, Y-Y-YO ♪
705
00:28:19,867 --> 00:28:22,227
♪ YO, Y-YO,
Y-YO, CUTIE ♪
706
00:28:25,233 --> 00:28:26,873
♪ LITTLE CUTIE ♪
707
00:28:26,867 --> 00:28:28,567
[CHEERING]
708
00:28:28,567 --> 00:28:30,897
♪ L--L--L--L--CUTIE ♪
709
00:28:40,166 --> 00:28:41,726
[CHEERING]
710
00:28:41,776 --> 00:28:46,326
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