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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:19,100 --> 00:00:20,570 - I'VE BEEN WATCHING TV A LOT, Y'ALL. 2 00:00:20,567 --> 00:00:22,027 IT'S TRIPPING ME OUT. 3 00:00:22,033 --> 00:00:23,433 EVERYBODY HERE SEEN 4 00:00:23,433 --> 00:00:25,103 THOSE EARLY PREGNANCY TEST COMMERCIALS? 5 00:00:25,100 --> 00:00:26,770 YOU NOTICE THEY ONLY GOT WHITE PEOPLE IN THEM? 6 00:00:26,767 --> 00:00:29,067 AND EVERYBODY IN THE COMMERCIAL IS HAPPY? 7 00:00:29,066 --> 00:00:30,926 THE GIRL COME OUT THE BATHROOM... 8 00:00:30,934 --> 00:00:34,204 "HONEY... 9 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:36,800 GUESS WHAT." 10 00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:40,300 AND HE'S SITTING ON THE COUCH. "WHAT, BABE? 11 00:00:40,300 --> 00:00:42,500 WE'RE POSITIVE. FUCKIN' A." 12 00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:44,000 [APPLAUSE] 13 00:00:46,734 --> 00:00:50,174 HA. THAT SHIT AIN'T REAL. 14 00:00:50,166 --> 00:00:52,966 I WANT TO SEE A SISTER... 15 00:00:52,967 --> 00:00:54,467 EVERY BROTHER HERE WANTS TO JUST SEE ONE SISTER 16 00:00:54,467 --> 00:00:55,867 GOING IN THE BATHROOM. SHE BE IN THERE, 17 00:00:55,867 --> 00:00:58,697 AND THEY JUST BE LIKE, "DAMN." 18 00:01:12,500 --> 00:01:13,770 [EXHALES] 19 00:01:13,767 --> 00:01:15,627 "GUESS WHAT. 20 00:01:15,633 --> 00:01:17,933 YOUR ASS NEED A JOB." 21 00:01:22,266 --> 00:01:24,266 CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY HOME BOX OFFICE, INC. 22 00:01:24,266 --> 00:01:27,866 - IT'S THE RUSSELL SIMMONS' DEF COMEDY JAM 23 00:01:27,867 --> 00:01:29,427 WITH YOUR HOST... 24 00:01:32,333 --> 00:01:33,773 TONIGHT'S GUESTS... 25 00:01:33,767 --> 00:01:35,267 MALIK S., 26 00:01:35,266 --> 00:01:37,066 DAVID RAIBON, 27 00:01:37,066 --> 00:01:38,966 B. COLE... 28 00:01:38,967 --> 00:01:40,767 AND GERALD KELLY. 29 00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:44,800 I AM YOUR MAN, THE WORLD'S GREATEST DJ... 30 00:01:46,967 --> 00:01:48,997 AND THIS IS COMEDY AT ITS BEST. 31 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:54,030 LET'S GET IT ON WITH YOUR HOST, D.L. HUGHLEY. 32 00:01:54,033 --> 00:01:55,473 [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] 33 00:01:59,767 --> 00:02:02,627 - GIVE ME SOME! 34 00:02:02,633 --> 00:02:04,073 YEAH. 35 00:02:06,367 --> 00:02:08,367 GIVE IT TO MY MAN, KID CAPRI. 36 00:02:08,367 --> 00:02:09,627 [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] 37 00:02:09,633 --> 00:02:10,803 HOW Y'ALL DOING? 38 00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:12,370 - WHAT'S UP, MY LEGEND? 39 00:02:12,367 --> 00:02:14,597 - SO ALL THEM SONGS YOU MIX YOURSELF, HUH? 40 00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:16,600 - ALL THESE BEATS, WE DO THE NIGHT BEFORE. 41 00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:18,200 WE USED TO PLAY A LOT OF THE DEF JAM RECORDS. 42 00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:19,800 THEY LET ME PLAY MY OWN BEATS NOW... 43 00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:21,770 - SEE, THERE IT IS. ONE MORE TIME, GIVE IT TO MY MAN, KID CAPRI. 44 00:02:21,767 --> 00:02:23,097 - YO. WHAT'S UP. 45 00:02:23,100 --> 00:02:25,100 [APPLAUSE] 46 00:02:25,100 --> 00:02:27,530 - WE STARTED THIS SHIT A LONG TIME AGO, MAN. 47 00:02:27,533 --> 00:02:29,503 HIP HOP DONE CHANGED SINCE THEN, MAN. 48 00:02:29,500 --> 00:02:31,570 NOW EVERY TIME--I MEAN, AND I'M NOT KNOCKING NOBODY. 49 00:02:31,567 --> 00:02:33,267 PEOPLE GO, "OH, YOU SHOULDN'T BUY THAT ALBUM. 50 00:02:33,266 --> 00:02:34,766 IT'S DENIGRATING YOUR PEOPLE." 51 00:02:34,767 --> 00:02:36,227 IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BUY THE FUCKING ALBUM, 52 00:02:36,233 --> 00:02:37,773 DON'T BUY IT, YOU KNOW? 53 00:02:37,767 --> 00:02:39,467 I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT NOW. ALL KIND OF SHIT IS GOING ON. 54 00:02:39,467 --> 00:02:40,997 MICHAEL VICK IS IN A WORLD OF FUCKING TROUBLE, MAN. 55 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:42,270 THAT'S FUCKED UP. 56 00:02:42,266 --> 00:02:44,296 AND THIS IS THE TRUTH. 57 00:02:44,300 --> 00:02:46,370 PEOPLE WITH SHIT TO LOSE CAN'T HANG OUT WITH MOTHERFUCKERS WHO DON'T GOT SHIT TO LOSE, 58 00:02:46,367 --> 00:02:50,067 BECAUSE PEOPLE WHO DON'T GOT SHIT TO LOSE WILL LOSE YOUR SHIT FOR YOU. 59 00:02:50,066 --> 00:02:53,396 THAT'S THE DEAL. 60 00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:55,230 [APPLAUSE] 61 00:02:55,233 --> 00:02:59,333 PEOPLE TRYING TO KEEP IT REAL. I'M TRYING TO REALLY KEEP IT. FUCK THAT SHIT. 62 00:02:59,333 --> 00:03:02,303 BECAUSE PEOPLE WHO DON'T GOT SHIT TO LOSE WILL TELL ON YOUR ASS. 63 00:03:02,300 --> 00:03:03,830 "YOU HAVE A LAWYER?" 64 00:03:03,834 --> 00:03:05,804 "NO. BUT I GOT SOME INFORMATION FOR THE D.A. 65 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:08,300 FUCK THIS SHIT. I'M--" 66 00:03:08,300 --> 00:03:09,800 WHITE FOLKS LOVE DOGS, MAN. 67 00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:11,900 MAN, YOU BETTER OFF KILLING A PERSON THAN A FUCKING DOG. 68 00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:13,430 WHITE FOLKS LOVE DOGS. 69 00:03:13,433 --> 00:03:15,403 WALKING WITHOUT A LEASH, THEY DON'T EVEN TRY TO GET AWAY. 70 00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:17,300 IF BLACK FOLKS OPEN THE GATE, 71 00:03:17,300 --> 00:03:20,230 WE AIN'T GOT NO DOG NO MORE. FUCK THAT SHIT. 72 00:03:20,233 --> 00:03:22,103 YOU EVER SEEN A HOMELESS DUDE WITH A DOG. 73 00:03:22,100 --> 00:03:23,600 AIN'T THAT THE MOST PATHETIC SHIT EVER? 74 00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:25,170 YOU KNOW, THE DOG, MAN, 75 00:03:25,166 --> 00:03:29,066 "THE MOTHERFUCKER, I COULD HAVE DONE THIS SHIT ALL BY GODDAMN SELF. 76 00:03:29,066 --> 00:03:31,596 "THIS IS THE LONGEST WALK IN THE FUCKING WORLD. 77 00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:33,270 "I WISH I COULD TALK FOR 5 MINUTES 78 00:03:33,266 --> 00:03:34,796 SO I CAN TELL YOU YOU AIN'T SHIT." 79 00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:41,630 THAT'S... 80 00:03:41,633 --> 00:03:44,003 PEOPLE DON'T REALIZE, DOGS IS ONLY-- 81 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,000 LIKE, I HAVE 5 DOGS. BUT THAT SHIT IS COOL IN AMERICA. 82 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:47,500 AROUND THE REST OF THE WORLD, 83 00:03:47,500 --> 00:03:48,970 THEY DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT DOGS LIKE WE DO. 84 00:03:48,967 --> 00:03:52,227 IN CHINA, DOGS IS FOOD. FUCK THAT SHIT. 85 00:03:52,233 --> 00:03:54,003 YOU NEVER SEE NO CHINESE PEOPLE WALKING NO DOGS 86 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:55,900 BECAUSE YOU DON'T WALK FOOD. 87 00:03:55,900 --> 00:03:58,800 YOU DON'T NEVER GO TO INGLEWOOD AND SEE A BLACK MAN WALKING A CHICKEN, WILL YOU? 88 00:04:00,166 --> 00:04:02,466 "COME ON, TWO PIECE!" 89 00:04:02,467 --> 00:04:05,127 Y'ALL READY TO GET THIS THING GOING? 90 00:04:05,133 --> 00:04:07,273 [CHEERING] 91 00:04:07,266 --> 00:04:12,326 INDEED. THIS CAT HERE, HIS MATERIAL IS BASED ON EVERYDAY LIFE, 92 00:04:12,333 --> 00:04:14,803 BUT THIS COMIC IS ANYTHING BUT EVERYDAY. 93 00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:17,900 FROM MIAMI, MY MAN, MALIK S. 94 00:04:17,900 --> 00:04:19,700 [MUSIC PLAYING] 95 00:04:22,500 --> 00:04:25,600 - YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. ALL RIGHT. 96 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:29,270 THAT'S GOOD. MY PASTOR LOVE THAT SONG RIGHT THERE, NIGGER. 97 00:04:29,266 --> 00:04:30,896 FUCK Y'ALL. DON'T JUDGE MY PASTOR. 98 00:04:30,900 --> 00:04:33,070 AT LEAST I GO TO CHURCH. SOME OF Y'ALL DON'T EVEN GO. 99 00:04:33,066 --> 00:04:34,566 WATCH THIS. GOD IS GOOD. 100 00:04:34,567 --> 00:04:36,097 - ALL THE TIME. 101 00:04:36,100 --> 00:04:37,570 - AND ALL THE TIME. 102 00:04:37,567 --> 00:04:39,267 - GOD IS GOOD. 103 00:04:39,266 --> 00:04:40,766 - LOOK AT THE NIGGERS THAT DON'T GO. THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. 104 00:04:40,767 --> 00:04:42,267 THEY CONFUSED AS HELL. 105 00:04:42,266 --> 00:04:44,096 "I DIDN'T KNOW TO SAY THAT TOGETHER, DAWG." 106 00:04:44,100 --> 00:04:45,870 I DID THAT AT AN ALL-WHITE SHOW ONE TIME. 107 00:04:45,867 --> 00:04:47,267 I WAS LIKE, "GOD IS GOOD." 108 00:04:47,266 --> 00:04:48,766 THEY WAS LIKE, "HE WAS AWESOME!" 109 00:04:48,767 --> 00:04:50,767 I WAS LIKE, "THAT AIN'T WHAT YOU SUPPOSED TO SAY." 110 00:04:52,433 --> 00:04:55,103 OH. I FEEL GOOD. THOUGH, MAN, I KNOW I'M IN L.A. 111 00:04:55,100 --> 00:04:56,770 I KNOW YOU ALL WHUP ASS OUT HERE. 112 00:04:56,767 --> 00:04:58,927 SO I JUST WANTED TO SAY, UH, IF I SAY SOMETHING ABOUT YOU TONIGHT, 113 00:04:58,934 --> 00:05:01,474 I'M JUST BULLSHITTING. SHIT AIN'T FUNNY OUTSIDE. 114 00:05:01,467 --> 00:05:03,397 YOU RUN UP ON ME AFTER THE SHOW, YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL. 115 00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:04,970 I WILL PRESS CHARGES ON YOUR ASS. 116 00:05:04,967 --> 00:05:06,927 I WANTED TO PUT IT OUT THERE. 117 00:05:06,934 --> 00:05:08,474 BECAUSE, NIGGER, I AIN'T EVEN FROM L.A. 118 00:05:08,467 --> 00:05:09,997 I DON'T KNOW WHICH WAY TO RUN. 119 00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:11,500 I MIGHT RUN STRAIGHT TO YOUR DAMN NEIGHBORHOOD. 120 00:05:11,500 --> 00:05:12,930 I DON'T WANT NO PROBLEMS, SEE? 121 00:05:12,934 --> 00:05:14,404 THIS IS NOT THUG LIFE RIGHT HERE. 122 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:15,900 I AM NOT NO FIGHTER. 123 00:05:15,900 --> 00:05:17,400 THAT'S WHY I LET THE LADIES KNOW, 124 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:18,870 "YOU LOOKING FOR SOMEBODY THAT'S GONNA DEFEND YOUR HONOR, BITCH, 125 00:05:18,867 --> 00:05:21,897 CALL YOUR BROTHERS. THEY KNOW YOU LONGER THAN I DID. YEAH." 126 00:05:21,900 --> 00:05:23,670 THIS IS NOT THUG LIFE RIGHT HERE. 127 00:05:23,667 --> 00:05:25,267 I WANTED TO BE A THUG, BUT I'M TICKLISH. 128 00:05:25,266 --> 00:05:27,566 YOU CAN'T BE NO THUG IF YOU'RE TICKLISH. 129 00:05:27,567 --> 00:05:29,227 YOU KNOW, HOW YOU GONNA BE A THUG 130 00:05:29,233 --> 00:05:31,733 IF YOU'RE AROUND HERE GIGGLING AND SHIT, YOU KNOW. 131 00:05:31,734 --> 00:05:33,234 AND I WEAR MY SEATBELT. 132 00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:35,873 YOU DON'T LOOK GANGSTER WITH YOUR SEATBELT ON, NIGGER. 133 00:05:35,867 --> 00:05:37,427 HOW YOU READY TO DIE AND YOU SAFE? 134 00:05:37,433 --> 00:05:40,103 WHAT KIND OF SHIT IS THAT? 135 00:05:40,100 --> 00:05:41,600 THIS IS NOT THUG LIFE, NIGGER. 136 00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:43,270 THAT'S WHY I LET THE LADIES KNOW, 137 00:05:43,266 --> 00:05:44,626 "IF I'M IN A CLUB WITH YOU AND A MAN TOUCH YOUR ASS, 138 00:05:44,633 --> 00:05:47,273 A MAN JUST TOUCHED YOUR ASS. THAT'S ALL IT IS." 139 00:05:47,266 --> 00:05:50,926 I BE LIKE, "GIRL, TAKE IT. THAT'S A COMPLIMENT. SHIT. 140 00:05:50,934 --> 00:05:52,434 "HE TOUCHED MY ASS, TOO. I AIN'T SAY NOTHING 141 00:05:52,433 --> 00:05:54,603 BUT, "THANK YOU, JAMES. GET WALKING, BITCH. 142 00:05:54,600 --> 00:06:00,130 THAT MEAN HE LIKE US. GET TWO DRINKS. SHIT." 143 00:06:00,133 --> 00:06:01,803 THIS IS NOT THUG LIFE. 144 00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:03,430 THAT'S WHY I DON'T BREAK THE LAW. 145 00:06:03,433 --> 00:06:04,933 THIS IS NOT JAIL PHYSIQUE RIGHT HERE. 146 00:06:04,934 --> 00:06:06,934 YOU WON'T GO TO JAIL WEIGHING 140 WITH LONG HAIR. 147 00:06:06,934 --> 00:06:09,474 THAT AIN'T GONNA WORK OUT IN YOUR FAVOR, YOU KNOW? 148 00:06:09,467 --> 00:06:11,297 IF I GO TO JAIL, AS SOON AS I WALK IN THERE, 149 00:06:11,300 --> 00:06:12,800 I'M STRAIGHT SOMEBODY'S GIRLFRIEND. 150 00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:14,230 I AIN'T LOOKING FOR NO COMMITMENT RIGHT NOW. 151 00:06:14,233 --> 00:06:16,603 I AIN'T READY FOR NO STEADY RELATIONSHIP. 152 00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:18,570 SOON AS I WALK IN THERE, SOMEBODY TRYING TO SLEEP WITH ME ALREADY. 153 00:06:18,567 --> 00:06:20,227 I'M LIKE, "DAMN. PLEASE SLOW DOWN. 154 00:06:20,233 --> 00:06:21,733 "LET ME SEE WHO ELSE IN THIS, BITCH. 155 00:06:21,734 --> 00:06:24,304 "WHY YOU RUSHING? GOD DAMN. SHIT! 156 00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:28,300 "NIGGER, I JUST GOT IN HERE. BUY ME SOME CIGARETTES. 157 00:06:28,300 --> 00:06:29,770 I AIN'T EASY. SHIT." 158 00:06:32,633 --> 00:06:34,933 NIGGER, I GO TO JAIL, I'LL DOO-DOOING JUST WALK AROUND. 159 00:06:34,934 --> 00:06:37,074 I'LL NEVER WASH MY ASS. 160 00:06:37,066 --> 00:06:39,066 I'LL BE LIKE, "YOU WANT TO SLEEP WITH ME, 161 00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:41,766 YOU GOT TO BEAT THESE FLIES THEY HAVE BEEN BUZZING ALL IN HERE." 162 00:06:41,767 --> 00:06:44,067 I'D RATHER BE STANKING THAN SOMEBODY'S BITCH. 163 00:06:44,066 --> 00:06:45,926 FORGET THAT, YOU KNOW? 164 00:06:45,934 --> 00:06:47,434 BECAUSE I COULD TAKE A SHOWER AND NOT BE STANKING NO MORE. 165 00:06:47,433 --> 00:06:49,103 BUT, FELLAS, ONCE THEY GO UP IN YOU, 166 00:06:49,100 --> 00:06:51,730 YOU ARE GAY FOREVER, AND I'M TOO SMALL TO BE IN A GAY RELATIONSHIP. 167 00:06:51,734 --> 00:06:53,274 IF I WAS IN A GAY RELATIONSHIP, 168 00:06:53,266 --> 00:06:55,096 I WOULD HAVE TO BE THE BITCH IN THE RELATIONSHIP. 169 00:06:55,100 --> 00:06:58,270 AND I DON'T WANT TO BE THE BITCH ALL THE TIME, YOU KNOW? 170 00:06:58,266 --> 00:07:01,266 EVERY TIME WE GOING OUT, I GOT TO IRON TWO PAIRS OF JEANS. 171 00:07:01,266 --> 00:07:03,266 I DON'T WANT TO IRON ALL THESE DAMN JEANS. 172 00:07:03,266 --> 00:07:04,766 BUT IF THERE'S ANY GAY DUDES IN HERE, 173 00:07:04,767 --> 00:07:06,527 I'M JUST BULLSHITTING. SHIT AIN'T FUNNY OUTSIDE. 174 00:07:06,533 --> 00:07:07,933 I'M JUST PLAYING WITH Y'ALL. 175 00:07:07,934 --> 00:07:12,034 I DON'T WANT TO GET BEAT UP BY NO STRONG-ASS PUNK, YOU KNOW? 176 00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:15,830 BECAUSE IF A PUNK WHUP YOUR ASS, Y'ALL GO TOGETHER. 177 00:07:15,834 --> 00:07:17,574 THOSE ARE THE RULES. 178 00:07:17,567 --> 00:07:19,467 THEY BE LIKE, "HOW Y'ALL MET?" 179 00:07:19,467 --> 00:07:24,997 "HE BUSTED ME IN THE FACE. WE BEEN TOGETHER EVER SINCE." 180 00:07:26,567 --> 00:07:28,097 I AIN'T WITH THE GAY STUFF. 181 00:07:28,100 --> 00:07:29,730 I LOVE WOMEN TOO MUCH TO BE GAY, MAN. 182 00:07:29,734 --> 00:07:31,434 BUT IT'S A NEW WORLD WE LIVING IN, FELLAS. 183 00:07:31,433 --> 00:07:33,103 YOU CAN'T JUST BE HAVING SEX WITH WOMEN BECAUSE THEY BEAUTIFUL. 184 00:07:33,100 --> 00:07:35,870 YOU DON'T WANT TO USE PROTECTION? YOU BETTER PROTECT YOUR DAMN SELF. 185 00:07:35,867 --> 00:07:39,727 IT AIN'T WORTH DYING FOR NO 15 MINUTES OF PLEASURE, YOU KNOW? 186 00:07:39,734 --> 00:07:42,074 BECAUSE THEY GOT A LOT OF DISEASES OUT HERE. 187 00:07:42,066 --> 00:07:43,666 I WAS JUST READING A HEALTH MAGAZINE. 188 00:07:43,667 --> 00:07:45,827 THEY GOT A BRAND-NEW STD CALLED CHILD SUPPORT. 189 00:07:45,834 --> 00:07:48,004 I WAS LIKE, OOH! JEEZ. 190 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:50,430 OOH, NIGGER. I'D RATHER CATCH HERPES THAN CHILD SUPPORT. 191 00:07:50,433 --> 00:07:51,773 I'LL LIVE WITH THAT, YOU KNOW? 192 00:07:51,767 --> 00:07:53,467 HERPES DON'T LOOK THAT BAD. 193 00:07:53,467 --> 00:07:54,927 THEY BE SWIMMING AND JOGGING. 194 00:07:54,934 --> 00:07:56,804 THEY BE HAVING A GOOD-ASS TIME. 195 00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:59,830 YOU AIN'T NEVER SEEN A MAN ON CHILD SUPPORT SWIMMING. HE AIN'T HAPPY. 196 00:07:59,834 --> 00:08:03,434 YOU DON'T WORK 40 HOURS, YOUR CHECK--NEGATIVE $8, YOUR ASS AIN'T HAPPY. 197 00:08:03,433 --> 00:08:06,403 THAT'S WHY I DON'T LET NO WOMAN FOOL ME FIRST. 198 00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:08,070 THEY BE LIKE, "OH, YOU DON'T NEED NO CONDOM 199 00:08:08,066 --> 00:08:09,466 BECAUSE I'M ON THE PILL." 200 00:08:09,467 --> 00:08:10,897 I BE LIKE, "WELL, GIVE ME ONE, TOO. 201 00:08:10,900 --> 00:08:12,900 YOURS MIGHT NOT DISSOLVE ON TIME." 202 00:08:12,900 --> 00:08:16,130 I'LL USE ANYTHING FOR A RUBBER-- M&M BAG, DORITO BAG. 203 00:08:16,133 --> 00:08:18,573 I'LL BE IN YOUR ASS, CRUNCHING. 204 00:08:18,567 --> 00:08:20,897 [IMITATING CRUNCH NOISE] 205 00:08:20,900 --> 00:08:23,230 YOU MIGHT BE BLEEDING, BUT YOU WON'T BE PREGNANT. 206 00:08:23,233 --> 00:08:24,733 THAT'S FOR DAMN SURE. 207 00:08:24,734 --> 00:08:27,134 BECAUSE IF YOU BUST AN M&M BAG, 208 00:08:27,133 --> 00:08:29,233 YOU SHOULD BE ON DISCOVERY CHANNEL. GOD. 209 00:08:29,233 --> 00:08:32,303 BUT THIS IS NICE, MAN. 210 00:08:32,300 --> 00:08:34,270 I LIKE THIS, MAN. WE ALL MIXED UP IN HERE. 211 00:08:34,266 --> 00:08:36,726 THIS BEAUTIFUL. WE GOT WHITE PEOPLE IN HERE, BLACK PEOPLE IN HERE. 212 00:08:36,734 --> 00:08:38,234 BECAUSE WE GOT TOO MANY STEREOTYPES IN THIS COUNTRY. 213 00:08:38,233 --> 00:08:40,633 THEY GOT STEREOTYPES LIKE, IF A WHITE BOY RAP, 214 00:08:40,633 --> 00:08:42,133 HE'S TRYING TO BE BLACK. 215 00:08:42,133 --> 00:08:43,573 IF A BLACK MAN WORK, HE TRYING TO BE WHITE. 216 00:08:43,567 --> 00:08:45,397 WE NEED TO STOP ALL THAT BULLSHIT. 217 00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:49,730 YOU KNOW, TO HATE SOMEBODY BECAUSE OF THEIR SKIN COLOR IS IGNORANT, PEOPLE. 218 00:08:49,734 --> 00:08:51,634 BECAUSE WE GOT A NEW RACISM IN THIS COUNTRY. 219 00:08:51,633 --> 00:08:53,233 IT'S NOT ABOUT BLACK OR WHITE NO MORE. 220 00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:54,773 IT'S CALLED POOR PEOPLE. 221 00:08:54,767 --> 00:08:56,597 DON'T MATTER WHAT COLOR YOUR ASS IS IN AMERICA, 222 00:08:56,600 --> 00:08:58,400 IF YOU POOR, AMERICA DON'T LIKE YOUR ASS. 223 00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:00,230 BACK IN THE DAY, BEING WHITE WAS THE SHIT. 224 00:09:00,233 --> 00:09:02,603 WHITE PEOPLE, I REMEMBER Y'ALL, I REMEMBER WHEN Y'ALL WAS IN STYLE. 225 00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:04,100 IT WAS ALL ABOUT Y'ALL, YOU KNOW? 226 00:09:04,100 --> 00:09:06,000 BUT NOW BEING WHITE AIN'T SHIT. 227 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:09,770 IF YOU WHITE AND YOU POOR, SHIT, YOUR ASS IS BLACK. YOU JUST LIKE ME. 228 00:09:09,767 --> 00:09:11,327 WE'RE THE SAME THING. 229 00:09:11,333 --> 00:09:13,703 YOU JUST GOT GOOD HAIR. THAT IS IT, YOU KNOW? 230 00:09:13,700 --> 00:09:15,370 BECAUSE IN THIS COUNTRY, IF YOU GOT MONEY, 231 00:09:15,367 --> 00:09:16,927 YOU COULD DO CRIMES AND WON'T EVEN GO TO JAIL, 232 00:09:16,934 --> 00:09:18,674 BECAUSE IT'S ALL ABOUT MONEY, 233 00:09:18,667 --> 00:09:20,367 BUT YOU GOT TO KNOW YOUR MONEY TO KNOW YOUR CRIME. 234 00:09:20,367 --> 00:09:21,827 DON'T LET YOUR CRIME OUTWEIGH YOUR MONEY. 235 00:09:21,834 --> 00:09:23,374 YOUR ASS GOING TO JAIL. 236 00:09:23,367 --> 00:09:25,027 LIKE, RIGHT NOW, I GOT RED-LIGHT MONEY. 237 00:09:25,033 --> 00:09:26,933 I COULD RUN A RED LIGHT, AIN'T SHIT GONNA HAPPEN TO ME. 238 00:09:26,934 --> 00:09:28,404 I GOT THAT COVERED, YOU KNOW? 239 00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:30,570 I'M TRYING TO WORK MY WAY UP TO HIT AND RUN, 240 00:09:30,567 --> 00:09:33,197 BUT I GOT RED-LIGHT MONEY RIGHT NOW. YEAH... 241 00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:35,300 LIKE, MY BABY MAMA, I HATE MY BABY MAMA. 242 00:09:35,300 --> 00:09:37,230 I WANT TO CHOKE HER AND SLAP THE SHIT OUT OF HER ASS, 243 00:09:37,233 --> 00:09:39,973 BUT I CAN'T AFFORD NO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE CASE RIGHT NOW, YOU KNOW? 244 00:09:39,967 --> 00:09:42,527 BUT I TOLD HER, WHEN I'VE SAVED $2,500, BAM! 245 00:09:42,533 --> 00:09:44,773 "I'M SLAPPING THE SHIT OUT YOUR ASS, BITCH." 246 00:09:44,767 --> 00:09:47,127 LIKE, MOST OF YOU WOMEN DON'T KNOW. 247 00:09:47,133 --> 00:09:49,703 YOU $200 FROM GETTING YOUR ASS SHOWN RIGHT NOW. 248 00:09:49,700 --> 00:09:53,730 YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW IT. 249 00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:58,930 ALL RIGHT. THAT'S IT. 250 00:10:01,166 --> 00:10:04,896 YEAH, I DON'T CATCH ON FIRE OR DO A BACK FLIP AT THE END OR NOTHING LIKE THAT, 251 00:10:04,900 --> 00:10:06,130 YOU KNOW? 252 00:10:06,133 --> 00:10:07,603 YEAH, A LOT OF COMEDIANS, THEY GONNA COME UP HERE, 253 00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:09,270 THEY GONNA HAVE A BIG JOKE. NOT ME. THIS IS A JOB. 254 00:10:09,266 --> 00:10:13,096 SO I TREAT IT JUST LIKE YOU TREAT YOUR JOB. 255 00:10:13,100 --> 00:10:15,100 BECAUSE WHATEVER YOU DO FOR 8 HOURS A DAY, 256 00:10:15,100 --> 00:10:18,030 RIGHT BEFORE YOU CLOCK OUT, YOU DON'T START DOING YOUR SHIT EXTRA GOOD, DO YOU? 257 00:10:18,033 --> 00:10:20,673 [APPLAUSE] 258 00:10:20,667 --> 00:10:22,427 YOU JUST CLOCK OUT, RIGHT? 259 00:10:24,834 --> 00:10:26,574 [LAUGHTER AND CHEERING] 260 00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:34,970 - OH! A DORITO BAG? AIN'T THAT A BITCH? 261 00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:37,197 FUCKER, I HAVE A FUNYUN FOR A BABY. THAT'S FUCKED-- 262 00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:38,700 [LAUGHTER] 263 00:10:38,700 --> 00:10:41,830 I'VE SEEN THIS MAN DO HIS THING FOR A LOT OF YEARS. 264 00:10:41,834 --> 00:10:43,304 HE'S ABOUT TO TEAR IT UP. 265 00:10:43,300 --> 00:10:45,200 HE'S MY MAIN MAN FROM HOUSTON. 266 00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:47,100 GIVE IT UP FOR DAVID RAIBON. 267 00:10:47,100 --> 00:10:48,630 [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] 268 00:10:52,967 --> 00:10:55,597 - YES, Y'ALL, MAKE SOME NOISE. 269 00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:57,100 [CHEERING CONTINUES] 270 00:10:57,100 --> 00:10:59,970 HOW Y'ALL FEELING? Y'ALL LIKE MY OUTFIT? 271 00:10:59,967 --> 00:11:01,297 - YEAH! 272 00:11:01,300 --> 00:11:03,600 - GOOD. THIS SHIT GOING BACK RIGHT AFTER THE SHOW. 273 00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:06,230 I NEED THE MONEY FROM THIS TO GET GAS. 274 00:11:06,233 --> 00:11:08,573 GAS HIGH AS A MOTHERFUCKER, AIN'T IT? 275 00:11:08,567 --> 00:11:10,327 GAS SO HIGH, THE L.A. PIMPS GOT TO CARPOOL NOW. 276 00:11:10,333 --> 00:11:12,273 AIN'T THAT FUCKED UP? 277 00:11:12,266 --> 00:11:17,126 THEY RIDING 4 DEEP WITH PIMPS AND FURS AND NAPPY-HEADED HOs. 278 00:11:17,133 --> 00:11:19,103 I WANTED TO SAY, FIRST OF ALL, I'M HERE TO BRING LOVE 279 00:11:19,100 --> 00:11:20,270 TO EVERYBODY. 280 00:11:20,266 --> 00:11:22,566 IS ANY WHITE PEOPLE IN THE HOUSE TONIGHT? ANY? 281 00:11:22,567 --> 00:11:23,927 [APPLAUSE] 282 00:11:23,934 --> 00:11:26,274 COME ON, Y'ALL. GIVE IT UP FOR THE WHITE PEOPLE. 283 00:11:26,266 --> 00:11:27,766 COME ON. 284 00:11:29,300 --> 00:11:31,800 I KNOW IT'S HARD, BUT GIVE IT UP FOR ME. 285 00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:34,170 THEY CAME AND GOT US. THEY CAME AND GOT US. 286 00:11:34,166 --> 00:11:37,426 COME ON. IT WAS A FUCKED UP BOAT RIDE, BUT THEY CAME. THEY CAME. COME ON, NOW. 287 00:11:37,433 --> 00:11:38,933 DIDN'T NOBODY ELSE COME AND GET OUR ASS. 288 00:11:38,934 --> 00:11:40,434 THE INDIANS WAS HERE. 289 00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:41,973 THEY COULD HAVE CAME. THEY HAD CANOES. 290 00:11:41,967 --> 00:11:43,467 IMAGINE HOW FUCKED UP THAT BOAT RIDE WOULD HAVE BEEN. 291 00:11:43,467 --> 00:11:44,967 FIT THE NIGGERS IN A NARROW-ASS TREE? 292 00:11:44,967 --> 00:11:46,967 WE NEVER WOULD HAVE MADE IT TO AMERICA. 293 00:11:46,967 --> 00:11:49,827 SURE, IT WAS ALL FUCKED UP, BUT TUPAC SAID "WHAT DON'T KILL YOU MAKE YOU STRONGER," 294 00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:52,134 RIGHT? WE DONE GOT BETTER FOR THAT SHIT. 295 00:11:52,133 --> 00:11:55,003 THEY CAME AND GOT US. THEY WENT TO AFRICA-- HOT-ASS AFRICA. 296 00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:57,530 NOW, I AIN'T NEVER BEEN TO AFRICA, BUT I'VE SEEN IT ON THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL. 297 00:11:57,533 --> 00:11:59,803 IT LOOK HOT ON TV. 298 00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:02,630 I'M ALL FAMILIAR WITH SPAGHETTI, NOT THE SERENGETI. 299 00:12:02,633 --> 00:12:05,003 AND MY BLACK ASS RIGHT HERE IN AMERICA. 300 00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:06,430 I DON'T EVEN LIKE THE TERM "AFRICAN AMERICAN." YOU KNOW WHY? 301 00:12:06,433 --> 00:12:08,103 BECAUSE I'M BLACK. I'M BLACK. MY DADDY WAS BLACK. 302 00:12:08,100 --> 00:12:10,800 MY GREAT-GRANDDADDY WAS BLACK. THEY ALL WAS BLACK. 303 00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:12,700 I'M NOT AFRICAN AMERICAN. I'M BLACK. 304 00:12:12,700 --> 00:12:14,200 YOU KNOW WHY I KNOW I'M BLACK? 305 00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:15,770 BECAUSE EVERY TIME I TRY TO GET A LOAN FROM THE BANK, 306 00:12:15,767 --> 00:12:17,667 THEY REMIND ME HOW BLACK MY BLACK ASS IS. 307 00:12:17,667 --> 00:12:19,097 IT'S TOUGH, MAN. 308 00:12:19,100 --> 00:12:21,300 BUT I LOVE IT, MAN. I LOVE EVERYBODY. 309 00:12:21,300 --> 00:12:22,970 YOU GOT TO LOVE EVERY-FUCKING-BODY. 310 00:12:22,967 --> 00:12:25,597 MAN, I LOVE-- ANY MEXICANS HERE? MEXICANS? LATINOS? LATINAS? 311 00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:27,270 [CROWD MEMBERS CHEER] 312 00:12:27,266 --> 00:12:29,266 WOW. THERE'S QUITE A FEW OF Y'ALL HERE 313 00:12:29,266 --> 00:12:32,096 CONSIDERING NOBODY IN YOUR RACE HAS A DRIVER'S LICENSE OR INSURANCE. 314 00:12:32,100 --> 00:12:33,500 [APPLAUSE] 315 00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:35,230 OH, I'M JUST SERIOUS. 316 00:12:35,233 --> 00:12:37,373 [LAUGHTER] 317 00:12:37,367 --> 00:12:38,767 I'M FUCKING WITH YOU. 318 00:12:38,767 --> 00:12:40,927 I LOVE THE MEXICAN AMERICAN PEOPLE. YOU KNOW WHY? 319 00:12:40,934 --> 00:12:43,334 BECAUSE THEY'RE THE HARDEST WORKING PEOPLE IN THIS COUNTRY. 320 00:12:43,333 --> 00:12:46,103 NOBODY WORKS HARDER THAN MEXICAN AMERICAN PEOPLE. 321 00:12:46,100 --> 00:12:48,570 THEY WORK HARD JUST LOOKING FOR A JOB. 322 00:12:48,567 --> 00:12:50,127 GET UP IN THE MORNING AND RIDE AROUND, 323 00:12:50,133 --> 00:12:53,133 THEY'LL BE STANDING ON THE CURB, HOPING THAT A JOB DRIVE BY. 324 00:12:53,133 --> 00:12:54,133 [LAUGHTER] 325 00:12:57,633 --> 00:13:00,203 BLACK FOLK, WE NEVER WORK THAT HARD LOOKING FOR NO GOD DAMN JOB. 326 00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:01,700 IF WE CAN'T GET A JOB ON THE HOOK-UP, 327 00:13:01,700 --> 00:13:03,700 THEN THERE AIN'T NOBODY HIRING. 328 00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:05,300 WHAT THE FUCK AM I GONNA DO? ROB A JOB? 329 00:13:05,300 --> 00:13:06,930 "GIVE ME A JOB!" YOU WON'T GET A JOB LIKE THAT. 330 00:13:06,934 --> 00:13:08,634 HA HA! 331 00:13:08,633 --> 00:13:10,203 YOU GOT TO LOVE EVERYBODY. ANY ASIANS HERE? ASIANS? 332 00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:12,200 BECAUSE I LOVE ASIANS. ASIANS? 333 00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:13,570 [APPLAUSE] 334 00:13:13,567 --> 00:13:16,527 THAT'S A LOT OF ASIANS TO BE IN ONE SPOT. OH, SHIT. 335 00:13:16,533 --> 00:13:18,073 I LIVE ACROSS THE STREET FROM SOME ASIANS. 336 00:13:18,066 --> 00:13:19,566 I'M NOT EVEN SURE WHAT PART OF ASIA THEY'RE FROM. 337 00:13:19,567 --> 00:13:21,867 THEY MIGHT NOT EVEN BE ASIAN, BUT THEY DAMN SURE AIN'T BLACK 338 00:13:21,867 --> 00:13:23,597 AND THEY LOUDER THAN A MOTHERFUCKER. 339 00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:24,970 BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, WHEN BLACK PEOPLE ARE YELLING AT EACH OTHER, 340 00:13:24,967 --> 00:13:26,767 YOU KNOW SOMEBODY IS GETTING THEIR ASS KICKED. 341 00:13:26,767 --> 00:13:29,267 THESE MOTHERFUCKERS YELL JUST IN CONVERSATION. 342 00:13:29,266 --> 00:13:32,626 [IMITATING ASIAN DIALECT SPOKEN LOUDLY] 343 00:13:32,633 --> 00:13:34,433 I'M ACROSS THE STREET, GOING LIKE, 344 00:13:34,433 --> 00:13:37,003 UH-OH. IT LOOK LIKE SOME SHIT GOING ON ACROSS THE STREET. 345 00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:39,000 AND YOU HEAR HER TALKING SHIT BACK. 346 00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:40,930 [IMITATING ASIAN DIALECT SPOKEN LOUDLY] 347 00:13:40,934 --> 00:13:43,274 OH, YEAH. I'D BETTER GO CALL 911. 348 00:13:43,266 --> 00:13:46,266 THERE'S SOME DOMESTIC ASIAN VIOLATIONS GOING ON. 349 00:13:46,266 --> 00:13:47,466 AND THEN YOU HEAR HER GO... 350 00:13:47,467 --> 00:13:50,227 [IMITATING ASIAN DIALECT SPOKEN LOUDLY] 351 00:13:50,233 --> 00:13:52,003 YOU GET THAT OLD HOTEL EAR. 352 00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:56,970 I THINK HE FUCKING THE SHIT OUT OF HER. 353 00:13:56,967 --> 00:14:00,727 I LIVE ACROSS THE STREET FROM LONG DICK DANG. 354 00:14:00,734 --> 00:14:04,404 DANG, LONG DICK. THAT'S MY ASIAN THERE. 355 00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:06,130 LOVE HIM. YOU GOT TO LOVE EVERYBODY, MAN. 356 00:14:06,133 --> 00:14:07,373 YOU GOT TO. 357 00:14:07,367 --> 00:14:08,867 I GUESS YOU ALL PROBABLY WANT TO KNOW 358 00:14:08,867 --> 00:14:11,197 WHY I AIN'T SAID NOTHING ABOUT BLACK PEOPLE, HUH? 359 00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:14,400 WELL, THAT'S BECAUSE I WAS GIVING THEM A CHANCE TO GET HERE. 360 00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:16,070 [LAUGHTER] 361 00:14:16,066 --> 00:14:18,226 YOU KNOW, NIGGERS AT HOME RIGHT NOW STILL TRYING TO GET DRESSED 362 00:14:18,233 --> 00:14:20,303 TO MAKE IT TO THIS MOTHERFUCKING SHOW. 363 00:14:20,300 --> 00:14:21,900 WE DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT BEING ON TIME. 364 00:14:21,900 --> 00:14:23,400 WE AIN'T NEVER HAVE, AND WE NEVER WILL. 365 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:26,130 BECAUSE WE LOVE TO BE LATE. WE JUST LOVE THAT SHIT. 366 00:14:26,133 --> 00:14:29,633 GOOD AND BLACK LATE, JUST NEGRO LATE, DOWNRIGHT NIGGER LATE, 367 00:14:29,633 --> 00:14:32,273 JUST SLAVE LATE, HEY-DEE LATE, APARTHEID LATE, 368 00:14:32,266 --> 00:14:34,466 JUST "CORNBREAD EARL AND ME" LATE, 369 00:14:34,467 --> 00:14:36,767 KOOL & THE GANG LATE, CHRISTIE LOVE LATE, 370 00:14:36,767 --> 00:14:40,097 JUST DESMOND TUTU, TOO, TOO, TOO, GOD DAMN LATE, 371 00:14:40,100 --> 00:14:43,070 JUST GERONIMO PRATT LATE, JUST TOO FUCKING FAT LATE, 372 00:14:43,066 --> 00:14:45,596 JUST TARDY LATE, TWICE RETARDED LATE, 373 00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:48,430 JUST LATE FOR NO GOD DAMN REASON LATE. 374 00:14:48,433 --> 00:14:51,703 BLACK FOLKS, WE GET UP EARLY JUST TO BE LATE, DON'T WE? 375 00:14:51,700 --> 00:14:55,570 AIN'T GOT TO BE AT WORK TILL 9:00, GET UP AT 6:30. 376 00:14:55,567 --> 00:14:56,797 [IMITATES BIG YAWN] 377 00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:59,430 FUCK AROUND, FUCK AROUND, FUCK AROUND. 378 00:14:59,433 --> 00:15:02,473 LAY DOWN, GET UP, LAY DOWN, GET UP. 379 00:15:04,266 --> 00:15:07,796 GET TO WORK JUST IN TIME TO BE LATER THAN A MOTHERFUCKER. 380 00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:09,700 AND THEN WE WANT TO COMPLAIN, 381 00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:11,270 WE CAN'T GET AHEAD BECAUSE OF THE WHITE MAN. 382 00:15:11,266 --> 00:15:12,896 IT AIN'T THE WHITE MAN. 383 00:15:12,900 --> 00:15:15,770 IT'S THE WHITE SNOOZE BUTTON THAT'S FUCKING YOU ALL ASSES UP. 384 00:15:15,767 --> 00:15:17,927 THAT'S WHY THE POST OFFICE IS ALL FUCKED UP TODAY. 385 00:15:17,934 --> 00:15:19,404 BLACK-ASS MAILMEN. 386 00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:21,470 WHEN THE MAILMAN WAS WHITE, YOU NEVER SAW THAT MOTHERFUCKER. 387 00:15:21,467 --> 00:15:23,567 YOU TRY TO CATCH HIM. LIKE SANTA CLAUS. 388 00:15:23,567 --> 00:15:25,027 YOU RUN AFTER THAT MOTHERFUCKER. 389 00:15:25,033 --> 00:15:26,703 "DAMN! WHO WAS THAT MAILMAN?" 390 00:15:26,700 --> 00:15:28,770 NOW LEON IS DELIVERING THE MAIL. 391 00:15:28,767 --> 00:15:31,197 THIS NIGGER DON'T SHOW UP TILL 7:30, 8:00 AT NIGHT. 392 00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:33,570 I CAN'T EVEN CASH MY CHECK AT THE BANK. 393 00:15:33,567 --> 00:15:35,897 I GOT TO GO TO NICK'S CHECK CASHING TO CASH MY MOTHERFUCKER. 394 00:15:35,900 --> 00:15:38,930 LEO'S BEEN COSTING ME 20 CENTS ON THE DOLLAR, THE SON OF A BITCH. 395 00:15:38,934 --> 00:15:40,434 AND WHO EVEN HAVE A FUCKING UNIFORM? 396 00:15:40,433 --> 00:15:43,433 JUST A PAJAMA TOP, CUT-OFF SHORTS, FLIP-FLOPS, 397 00:15:43,433 --> 00:15:45,403 OLD RAGGED-ASS GROCERY BAG WITH YOUR MAIL IN IT. 398 00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:46,800 WHAT THE FUCK? 399 00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:48,500 DRIVING A FUCKING CUTLASS SUPREME. 400 00:15:48,500 --> 00:15:49,970 [IMITATING ENGINE NOT STARTING] 401 00:15:49,967 --> 00:15:53,797 BUT I LOVE IT, MAN. I LOVE BEING BLACK, MAN. 402 00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:55,800 I LOVE RELATIONSHIPS. STICK TO RELATIONSHIPS. 403 00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:58,300 ANYBODY BEEN MARRIED ANY LENGTH OF TIME, ANY LENGTH OF TIME? 404 00:15:58,300 --> 00:15:59,470 TWO WEEKS, 3 WEEKS? 405 00:15:59,467 --> 00:16:01,327 GOOD LUCK. I DON'T SEE HOW YOU CAN DO IT. 406 00:16:01,333 --> 00:16:03,403 MARRIAGE IS THE HARDEST FUCKING THING IN THE WORLD. 407 00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:05,570 ANYBODY BEEN MARRIED ANY TIME, GOD BLESS YOU. 408 00:16:05,567 --> 00:16:08,067 I CAN'T DO IT. I CAN'T BE WITH THE SAME MOTHERFUCK-- 409 00:16:08,066 --> 00:16:10,296 "OH, THIS BITCH IS STILL ALIVE, STILL ALIVE. 410 00:16:10,300 --> 00:16:12,230 "BITCH, YOU KNOW YOU COULD HAVE DIED IN YOUR SLEEP. 411 00:16:12,233 --> 00:16:13,903 YOU COULD HAVE DIED IN YOUR MOTHERFUCKING SLEEP." 412 00:16:13,900 --> 00:16:15,330 PANTIES HIGH AND INSURANCE PREM. 413 00:16:15,333 --> 00:16:17,573 I AIN'T GONNA NEVER GET MY MOTHERFUCKING MONEY BACK. 414 00:16:17,567 --> 00:16:19,367 YOU GUYS WERE GREAT. I'M DAVID RAIBON. GOD BLESS YOU. 415 00:16:19,367 --> 00:16:20,567 [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] 416 00:16:23,033 --> 00:16:26,033 - SHOW YOUR LOVE FOR MY MAN, B. COLE. 417 00:16:26,033 --> 00:16:28,273 - WHAT UP? WHAT UP? WHAT UP? WHAT UP? 418 00:16:28,266 --> 00:16:31,796 WHAT'S GOING ON? MAN, I AM EXCITED. 419 00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:33,400 BECAUSE, MAN, I DON'T GET OUT THE HOUSE. 420 00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:35,230 I'M A HOMEBODY. I DON'T EVEN GO TO THE CLUBS NO MORE. 421 00:16:35,233 --> 00:16:37,833 YOU DON'T EVEN WANT TO GO TO THE CLUBS NO MORE. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? 422 00:16:37,834 --> 00:16:39,234 IT'S A DRINK HUSTLE. 423 00:16:39,233 --> 00:16:40,873 I HATE THE CLUBS, MAN. 424 00:16:40,867 --> 00:16:42,427 YOU CAN'T EVEN BUY A GIRL A DRINK NO MORE 425 00:16:42,433 --> 00:16:44,733 WITHOUT HER THINKING YOU WANT TO HARASS HER. 426 00:16:44,734 --> 00:16:46,774 YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? BECAUSE, WOMEN, Y'ALL HATE THAT, 427 00:16:46,767 --> 00:16:48,727 WHEN A MAN BUY YOU A DRINK, HE WANT TO FOLLOW YOU AROUND THE CLUB ALL NIGHT, DON'T HE? 428 00:16:48,734 --> 00:16:50,274 THERE'S NO DAMN WAY. 429 00:16:50,266 --> 00:16:52,166 DRINKS ARE 14.50, PLUS A TIP. IF I BUY YOU A DRINK, WE GO TOGETHER. 430 00:16:52,166 --> 00:16:55,266 FUCK THAT. SHIT. 431 00:16:55,266 --> 00:16:56,926 BUT, WOMEN, YOU ALL LOW-DOWN ANYWAY. 432 00:16:56,934 --> 00:16:58,604 YOU ALL TAKE A DRINK FROM A MAN KNOWING DAMN WELL 433 00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:00,100 YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK TO HIS ASS. 434 00:17:00,100 --> 00:17:01,600 YOU GONNA TAKE THE DRINK ANYWAY. 435 00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:03,230 YOU TRY TO DRINK THE DRINK DOWN REAL FAST, 436 00:17:03,233 --> 00:17:04,903 BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, ONCE THE DRINK GONE, THE CONVERSATION'S OVER WITH. 437 00:17:04,900 --> 00:17:05,900 [SLURP] 438 00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:07,100 "GONE, NIGGER." 439 00:17:07,100 --> 00:17:08,770 WHAT THE--I AIN'T EVEN SAID-- 440 00:17:08,767 --> 00:17:13,967 "GONE. DRINK GONE. YOU GONE. GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE. THANK YOU." 441 00:17:13,967 --> 00:17:16,227 YOU DON'T EVEN WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP THESE DAYS, MAN, 442 00:17:16,233 --> 00:17:17,733 YOU KNOW, ESPECIALLY AROUND THIS TIME. 443 00:17:17,734 --> 00:17:19,304 IT'S HOLIDAY SEASON, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? 444 00:17:19,300 --> 00:17:21,200 FELLAS, YOU ALL KNOW WE HATE HOLIDAY SEASONS 445 00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:23,070 BECAUSE, WOMEN, YOU ALL GOT TOO MANY DAMN HOLIDAYS. 446 00:17:23,066 --> 00:17:25,966 MEN, WE AIN'T GOT HOLIDAYS FOR US. WE GOT NOTHING, NOTHING FOR US. 447 00:17:25,967 --> 00:17:27,367 WE HAD THE SUPER BOWL, BUT THEY STARTED COMING 448 00:17:27,367 --> 00:17:29,027 TO THE GOD DAMN PARTIES, DIDN'T THEY? 449 00:17:29,033 --> 00:17:31,273 YOU CAN'T GO TO A SUPER BOWL PARTY WITHOUT WOMEN BEING THERE 450 00:17:31,266 --> 00:17:33,066 AND TALKING ALL THROUGH THE GAME AND EVERYTHING. 451 00:17:33,066 --> 00:17:34,726 "GIRL, WHO DO YOUR HAIR?" "KEISHA." 452 00:17:34,734 --> 00:17:36,204 "REALLY? THAT'S LATOYA'S COUSIN. 453 00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:37,900 I DON'T FUCK WITH HER BECAUSE SHE BURNED MY SCALP." 454 00:17:37,900 --> 00:17:40,030 SHUT THE FUCK UP. THE GAME ON. 455 00:17:40,033 --> 00:17:42,073 SHUT THE FUCK UP. DAMN! 456 00:17:44,567 --> 00:17:46,227 AND WOMEN THINK THEY OUGHT TO DRESS 457 00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:47,903 FOR THE OCCASION AND SHIT, DON'T YOU? 458 00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:50,330 THEY BE WEARING THEM LITTLE JERSEY DRESSES WITH K-SWISS STILETTOS AND SHIT. 459 00:17:50,333 --> 00:17:52,433 "WHAT THE FUCK YOU GOT ON?" "MY SUPER BOWL OUTFIT." 460 00:17:52,433 --> 00:17:54,433 "BITCH, THAT AIN'T THE TYPE OF OUTFIT-- WHAT THE FUCK?" 461 00:17:54,433 --> 00:17:55,933 "IT'S THE SUPER BOWL, AIN'T IT?" 462 00:17:55,934 --> 00:17:57,434 "WELL, WHAT YOU GOT A BOWLING BALL FOR?" 463 00:17:57,433 --> 00:17:58,933 "BECAUSE IT'S THE SUPER BOWL." 464 00:17:58,934 --> 00:18:00,434 "IT AIN'T THAT TYPE OF BOWL." 465 00:18:00,433 --> 00:18:02,203 "IT MATCHES MY PURSE, MOTHERFUCKER. LET'S GO." 466 00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:04,270 GOD DAMN. 467 00:18:04,266 --> 00:18:06,326 "WHAT THE FUCK YOU GOT A CAPE ON FOR? WHAT YOU WEARING A CAPE FOR?" 468 00:18:06,333 --> 00:18:07,733 "BECAUSE SUPER BOWL, NIGGER." 469 00:18:09,266 --> 00:18:11,396 "DON'T HAVE ME KNOCK YOUR ASS OUT." 470 00:18:13,333 --> 00:18:15,533 MY GIRL LOOKING LIKE A GOD DAMN SUPER HERO. 471 00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:22,400 AND BACK IN CHICAGO, WOMEN MAKE UP HOLIDAYS. 472 00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:24,570 I DON'T KNOW IF YOU ALL HEARD OF A HOLIDAY CALLED SWEETEST DAY. 473 00:18:24,567 --> 00:18:26,897 SWEETEST DAY. NO, WOMEN MADE A HOLIDAY, 474 00:18:26,900 --> 00:18:28,600 PUT IT ON THE CALENDAR IN CHICAGO, AND THEY CELEBRATE IT EVERY YEAR. 475 00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:29,900 CALLED SWEETEST DAY. 476 00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:31,500 BUT THEY SAY THAT IT'S FOR THE MEN, THOUGH. 477 00:18:31,500 --> 00:18:32,900 YOU KNOW MEN DON'T WANT THAT SHIT. 478 00:18:32,900 --> 00:18:34,370 YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? 479 00:18:34,367 --> 00:18:36,227 WOMEN PICK OUT HOLIDAYS FOR MEN. 480 00:18:36,233 --> 00:18:38,233 MEN, DON'T LET YOUR WOMAN PICK YOUR HOLIDAY FOR YOU. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? 481 00:18:38,233 --> 00:18:40,233 THAT'S JUST LIKE YOUR WOMAN GOING TO THE MALL, BUYING YOUR OUTFIT. 482 00:18:40,233 --> 00:18:43,033 NOW YOU IN THE CLUB WITH YOUR BOYS LOOKING LIKE MR. FURLEY AND SHIT. 483 00:18:43,033 --> 00:18:44,373 YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? 484 00:18:44,367 --> 00:18:47,227 MEN, DON'T LET THEM PICK YOUR HOLIDAY, MAN. 485 00:18:47,233 --> 00:18:50,403 WOMEN SCARED TO ASK A MAN WHAT HE WANT ONCE A YEAR, 24 HOURS ALL THAT DAY, 486 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:52,230 BECAUSE THEY KNOW IT'S GONNA BE SOMETHING PERTAINING TO SEX. 487 00:18:52,233 --> 00:18:53,433 THEY SCARED. 488 00:18:53,433 --> 00:18:55,273 BECAUSE IF YOU ASK ME WHAT I WANT, 489 00:18:55,266 --> 00:18:57,096 I'M GONNA LET YOU KNOW. "HEAD DAY. GIVE ME HEAD DAY. I WANT HEAD ALL DAY. 490 00:18:57,100 --> 00:18:59,470 "COME ON. NO, COME HERE. YOU'RE ASKING. COME HERE, YOU'RE SO CONCERNED. 491 00:18:59,467 --> 00:19:03,927 WHERE YOU GOING? COME HERE. HEAD DAY ALL DAY." 492 00:19:03,934 --> 00:19:06,434 WE NEED A DAY LIKE HEAD DAY. I'M SORRY. 493 00:19:06,433 --> 00:19:08,273 COME ON, FELLAS. THE ONLY WAY WE GONNA GET IT... 494 00:19:08,266 --> 00:19:09,596 [APPLAUSE] 495 00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:11,830 COME ON. WE GOT TO UNITE. 496 00:19:11,834 --> 00:19:13,334 IF WE UNITE, WE'LL GET IT. 497 00:19:15,367 --> 00:19:17,197 HEAD DAY. 498 00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:19,700 THIS IS THE DAY WE MUST RISE AND COME TOGETHER. 499 00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:21,230 [LAUGHTER] 500 00:19:21,233 --> 00:19:23,533 RISE AND COME TOGETHER ON HEAD DAY. 501 00:19:23,533 --> 00:19:26,203 I MEAN, CAN YOU IMAGINE HEAD DAY? 502 00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:28,070 WHOO! BOY, FELLAS, WE'D BE SO EXCITED, 503 00:19:28,066 --> 00:19:29,526 WE CAN'T SLEEP ON HEAD DAY EVE. 504 00:19:29,533 --> 00:19:31,533 WE'D BE LIKE, OH, DANG! 505 00:19:31,533 --> 00:19:34,033 "BROTHER, I CANNOT SLEEP. 506 00:19:34,033 --> 00:19:35,733 YOU KNOW WHY, RIGHT?" 507 00:19:35,734 --> 00:19:37,504 "YEAH, IT'S HEAD DAY. I'M STAYING UP. 508 00:19:37,500 --> 00:19:43,130 ONLY GOT, UM, 23 HOURS. FUCK IT." 509 00:19:43,133 --> 00:19:45,103 HEAD DAY WOULD BE THE MOST QUIET DAY ON EARTH, TOO. 510 00:19:45,100 --> 00:19:47,900 I WANT IT TO BE QUIET. 511 00:19:47,900 --> 00:19:49,730 QUIET DAY. NO WOMEN TALKING. 512 00:19:49,734 --> 00:19:51,234 "WHAT YOU TALKING ABOUT? WHAT'S HEAD DAY." 513 00:19:51,233 --> 00:19:54,403 UH-UH. I DON'T NEED TO HEAR IT. NOPE! 514 00:19:55,900 --> 00:19:57,370 NO TALKING. 515 00:19:58,667 --> 00:20:00,567 NONE OF YOUR PHONES RINGING. NONE OF YOUR HOMIES CALLING. 516 00:20:00,567 --> 00:20:02,267 I WISH A BROTHER WOULD CALL ME ON HEAD DAY. 517 00:20:02,266 --> 00:20:04,166 DON'T CALL YOUR FRIENDS ON HEAD DAY. 518 00:20:04,166 --> 00:20:05,296 I WILL CURSE YOUR ASS OUT. 519 00:20:05,300 --> 00:20:06,430 IT'S LIKE... 520 00:20:06,433 --> 00:20:07,773 [IMITATES TELEPHONE RING] 521 00:20:07,767 --> 00:20:09,427 "HELLO?" "WHAT YOU DOING?" 522 00:20:09,433 --> 00:20:10,933 "MOTHERFUCKER, GETTING HEAD. IT'S HEAD DAY! WHAT YOU WANT? DAMN!" 523 00:20:10,934 --> 00:20:12,304 "FOR REAL?" "YEAH!" 524 00:20:12,300 --> 00:20:14,430 "MAN! SHE SAID IT WAS NEXT WEEK." 525 00:20:14,433 --> 00:20:17,633 "NO, IT'S TODAY. IT'S HEAD DAY, MAN." 526 00:20:17,633 --> 00:20:21,933 "MAN. SHE SAID IT WAS SWEETEST DAY TODAY." 527 00:20:21,934 --> 00:20:24,674 "NO, IT'S HEAD DAY." 528 00:20:24,667 --> 00:20:28,267 "MAN. SHE AIN'T EVEN HERE." 529 00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:36,400 "SHE SAID SHE WAS GOING TO BE OUT ALL DAY GETTING MY SWEETEST DAY GIFT." 530 00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:38,000 "WELL, GUESS WHAT, MOTHERFUCKER. 531 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:41,970 IF YOUR WOMAN AIN'T WITH YOU ON HEAD DAY, SHE DELIVERING GIFTS." 532 00:20:44,900 --> 00:20:46,900 BECAUSE MY WOMAN AIN'T GETTING OUT OF MY SIGHT ON HEAD DAY. 533 00:20:46,900 --> 00:20:49,300 I'M SORRY. YOU CAN BE LIKE, "I'M TAKING OUT THE GARBAGE." 534 00:20:49,300 --> 00:20:51,170 "HEY, I'M GOING, TOO, BITCH. WAIT! 535 00:20:51,166 --> 00:20:54,266 "MIGHT BE SOME NIGGERS IN THE ALLEYS WITH THEIR DICKS OUT. 536 00:20:54,266 --> 00:20:55,996 ANYTHING GOES ON HEAD DAY." 537 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:58,170 YO, YOU ALL BE COOL. I'M B. COLE. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 538 00:20:58,166 --> 00:20:59,626 [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] 539 00:21:05,734 --> 00:21:08,474 - THIS IS HIS SECOND APPEARANCE ON "DEF JAM." 540 00:21:08,467 --> 00:21:10,767 FROM THE BRONX, A VERY FUNNY YOUNG CAT. 541 00:21:10,767 --> 00:21:12,727 GIVE IT UP FOR MY MAN GERALD KELLY. 542 00:21:12,734 --> 00:21:14,534 [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] 543 00:21:19,700 --> 00:21:22,070 - WHAT UP? LET'S GO. 544 00:21:22,066 --> 00:21:23,926 MAKE SOME MOTHERFUCKING NOISE. 545 00:21:23,934 --> 00:21:28,104 [CROWD CHEERS] 546 00:21:28,100 --> 00:21:30,270 I GOT SOME SHIT I WANT TO GET OFF MY CHEST. 547 00:21:30,266 --> 00:21:33,496 HOW MANY OF ALL YOU TIRED OF MOTHERFUCKERS DOING REGULAR SHIT TO YOU, 548 00:21:33,500 --> 00:21:36,700 TRYING TO IMPRESS YOU WITH SHIT YOU HAD DONE ALREADY? 549 00:21:36,700 --> 00:21:38,530 I HAD A GIRL THE OTHER NIGHT TELL ME, 550 00:21:38,533 --> 00:21:42,303 "G.K., I'M GONNA SUCK YOUR DICK WHILE YOU'RE DRIVING." 551 00:21:42,300 --> 00:21:44,630 I WAS LIKE, "OOH, OOH, OOH!" 552 00:21:44,633 --> 00:21:47,503 YOU WANT TO IMPRESS ME, BITCH, SUCK MY DICK WHILE YOU DRIVING." 553 00:21:47,500 --> 00:21:49,130 [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] 554 00:21:55,433 --> 00:21:56,973 "DON'T FUCK MY TRUCK UP." 555 00:21:59,033 --> 00:22:00,803 I LOVE L.A. 556 00:22:02,467 --> 00:22:05,167 I LOVE KOBE. I LOVE HIS WIFE. YOU KNOW WHY? 557 00:22:05,166 --> 00:22:07,526 BECAUSE YOU DON'T LEAVE A MOTHERFUCKER WITH MONEY LIKE THAT. 558 00:22:07,533 --> 00:22:11,903 YOU DON'T LEAVE--LADIES DON'T LEAVE A MOTHERFUCKER WITH $300 MILLION. 559 00:22:11,900 --> 00:22:13,900 I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHAT HE DID. 560 00:22:13,900 --> 00:22:17,770 I WISH MY WIFE HAD A MILLION DOLLARS. 561 00:22:17,767 --> 00:22:19,397 THE BITCH COULD DO WHAT SHE WANT TO DO. 562 00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:21,270 I COULD WALK IN THE HOUSE, SHE COULD BE SUCKING ANOTHER MAN'S DICK. 563 00:22:21,266 --> 00:22:23,766 "OH, MY BAD. 564 00:22:23,767 --> 00:22:26,967 "THAT'S MY BAD. THAT'S MY BAD. MY--NO, NO DISRESPECT. 565 00:22:26,967 --> 00:22:29,127 "EXCUSE ME FOR USING MY KEYS AT MY HOUSE. 566 00:22:29,133 --> 00:22:31,573 WHEN YOU FINISHED, I'LL BE IN THE BENTLEY." 567 00:22:34,066 --> 00:22:35,596 YOU DON'T LEAVE THAT KIND OF MONEY. 568 00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:37,800 COOKIE DIDN'T LEAVE MAGIC. 569 00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:40,230 OH, YEAH, HE BROUGHT HOME THE SHIT. 570 00:22:40,233 --> 00:22:41,603 HE WAS LIKE, "COOKIE"... 571 00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:42,770 [IMITATES SOBS] 572 00:22:42,767 --> 00:22:44,267 "COOKIE, COOKIE, I JUST--" 573 00:22:44,266 --> 00:22:46,266 SHE WAS LIKE, "OH, NIGGER, PLEASE. IT'S JUST AIDS. 574 00:22:46,266 --> 00:22:49,096 "YOU ACT LIKE YOU TORE AN ACL OR SOME SHIT. 575 00:22:49,100 --> 00:22:50,600 LOOK, I'LL BE IN THE BENTLEY." 576 00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:52,130 [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE] 577 00:22:56,900 --> 00:22:59,570 I'M TIRED OF TEACHERS. TEACHERS GET ON MY FUCKING NERVE. 578 00:22:59,567 --> 00:23:01,197 YOU GOT KIDS, YOU CAN RELATE. 579 00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:02,930 ALWAYS CALLING HOME, COMPLAINING. 580 00:23:02,934 --> 00:23:07,304 I'M LIKE, "BITCH, 8:00 TO 3:00 IS YOUR SHIFT." 581 00:23:07,300 --> 00:23:08,970 I DON'T FUCK WITH YOU WHEN IT'S MY SHIFT. 582 00:23:08,967 --> 00:23:11,127 I DON'T CALL YOU ON THE WEEKEND WHEN THE GAME ON. 583 00:23:11,133 --> 00:23:12,733 "THIS NIGGER TRIPPING. I KNOW THE GAME ON. 584 00:23:12,734 --> 00:23:14,234 WE NEED TO HOLLER AT HIM." 585 00:23:14,233 --> 00:23:16,933 AND STOP SENDING ALL THAT HOMEWORK HOME WITH THE KIDS. 586 00:23:16,934 --> 00:23:18,734 I DON'T KNOW NONE OF THAT SHIT. 587 00:23:18,734 --> 00:23:20,074 [SCATTERED APPLAUSE] 588 00:23:20,066 --> 00:23:22,696 MY DAUGHTER IN FIRST GRADE. HER SHIT, EASY. COLOR. TRACE. 589 00:23:22,700 --> 00:23:24,370 I'M LIKE, YES. 590 00:23:24,367 --> 00:23:26,097 MY SON IN THE TENTH GRADE. 591 00:23:26,100 --> 00:23:28,770 THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS BRINGING SOME SHIT HOME I AIN'T SEEN IN 20 YEARS. 592 00:23:28,767 --> 00:23:31,397 IF HE PASSES IT TO ME, I PASS IT RIGHT BACK TO HIM. 593 00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:32,930 HE COME IN THE HOUSE, "DADDY?" 594 00:23:32,934 --> 00:23:36,234 I'M LIKE, "NIGGER, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE. 595 00:23:36,233 --> 00:23:39,603 YOU KNOW I AIN'T GRADUATE. YOU KNOW MY G.E.D. IS UNDER INVESTIGATION." 596 00:23:44,300 --> 00:23:46,070 YOU EVER GET THAT HOMEWORK AND JUST STARE AT IT? 597 00:23:48,166 --> 00:23:51,266 "AH! AH, THIS IS THE NEW MATH. 598 00:23:51,266 --> 00:23:52,926 "NIGGER, THIS THE NEW MATH. 599 00:23:52,934 --> 00:23:55,834 "OH, YEAH, THEY DIDN'T HAVE THIS SHIT WHEN I WAS IN SCHOOL. 600 00:23:55,834 --> 00:23:57,804 YOU GOT TO ADD THIS SUBTRACTION." 601 00:23:59,133 --> 00:24:01,033 "YEAH, YOU GOT TO ADD THIS SUBTRACTION, I THINK." 602 00:24:01,033 --> 00:24:04,633 YOU DON'T KNOW THIS SHIT. SO YOU GOT TO THROW IT ON YOUR CHILD. 603 00:24:04,633 --> 00:24:05,873 "DID YOUR TEACHER SHOW YOU HOW TO DO THIS?" 604 00:24:05,867 --> 00:24:07,127 "I DON'T KNOW." 605 00:24:07,133 --> 00:24:08,473 "WHAT THE FUCK YOU MEAN, YOU DON'T KNOW? 606 00:24:08,467 --> 00:24:09,927 "DID SHE SHOW YOU HOW TO DO THIS? 607 00:24:09,934 --> 00:24:12,734 "I GOT MY EDUCATION, MOTHERFUCKER. I GRADUATED. 608 00:24:12,734 --> 00:24:14,734 DON'T BRING NO HOMEWORK HOME AGAIN." 609 00:24:18,734 --> 00:24:20,404 YOU EVER DO YOUR CHILD'S HOMEWORK FOR THEM? 610 00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:21,900 WHO EVER DONE SOME SHIT LIKE THAT? 611 00:24:21,900 --> 00:24:23,430 I DID MY SON'S HOMEWORK FOR HIM. 612 00:24:23,433 --> 00:24:27,873 THIS MOTHERFUCKER CAME HOME-- ALL THE HOMEWORK WRONG. 613 00:24:27,867 --> 00:24:29,597 FUCKED MY PRIDE UP. 614 00:24:29,600 --> 00:24:31,100 HE CAME IN THE HOUSE. 615 00:24:31,100 --> 00:24:32,430 [IMITATES CHILD SOBBING] 616 00:24:32,433 --> 00:24:33,933 I SAID, "WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?" 617 00:24:33,934 --> 00:24:36,604 "THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED TO ME. THE TEACHER GAVE ME TWO ZEROS." 618 00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:38,100 "HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET TWO?" 619 00:24:38,100 --> 00:24:40,430 "SHE SAID, ONE FOR ME AND ONE FOR YOU." 620 00:24:40,433 --> 00:24:43,203 [APPLAUSE] 621 00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:47,270 "SHE SAID, YOU NEED TO GO TO SCHOOL FOR THE BIG MOTHERFUCKERS." 622 00:24:47,266 --> 00:24:48,926 I SAID, "MAN, FUCK YOUR TEACHER." 623 00:24:48,934 --> 00:24:50,634 "SHE SAID YOU WAS GONNA SAY THAT, 624 00:24:50,633 --> 00:24:53,103 SO SHE TOLD ME TO TELL YOU, FUCK YOU, TOO." 625 00:24:59,700 --> 00:25:01,430 I'M TIRED OF PEOPLE USING RACISM AS AN EXCUSE. 626 00:25:01,433 --> 00:25:03,503 WE JUST DIFFERENT. WHITE, BLACK, DIFFERENT. AM I RIGHT? 627 00:25:03,500 --> 00:25:05,330 WE JUST DIFFERENT. AM I RIGHT? 628 00:25:05,333 --> 00:25:06,633 - YEAH. 629 00:25:06,633 --> 00:25:09,033 - WHITE PEOPLE GO TO THE ZOO, FUCK WITH ALL THE ANIMALS. 630 00:25:09,033 --> 00:25:11,903 YOU ALL IN THE CAGE, "HERE, LITTLE GRIZZLY." 631 00:25:13,734 --> 00:25:15,734 BEAR TAKE THEIR WHOLE LEFT SIDE OFF. 632 00:25:15,734 --> 00:25:17,234 [IMITATES RIPPING SOUND] 633 00:25:17,233 --> 00:25:18,903 THIS MOTHERFUCKER BACK NEXT WEEK WITH ONE SIDE. 634 00:25:18,900 --> 00:25:21,570 "I'M JUST COMING TO APOLOGIZE." 635 00:25:23,233 --> 00:25:24,733 "NO, IT WAS MY FAULT. 636 00:25:24,734 --> 00:25:26,904 I WAS IN HIS HABITAT, SO I OWE HIM AN APOLOGY." 637 00:25:32,066 --> 00:25:33,896 YOU EVER GET INTO AN ARGUMENT WITH A WHITE PERSON? 638 00:25:33,900 --> 00:25:35,730 "OH!" THAT MOTHERFUCKER WILL TELL YOU IN A MINUTE, 639 00:25:35,734 --> 00:25:37,174 "YOU DON'T KNOW MY DAD." 640 00:25:37,166 --> 00:25:39,566 I'M LIKE, "MOTHERFUCKER, I DON'T KNOW MY DAD." 641 00:25:39,567 --> 00:25:41,097 [APPLAUSE] 642 00:25:46,867 --> 00:25:48,097 WE DIFFERENT. 643 00:25:48,100 --> 00:25:49,430 WHAT ARE WE? 644 00:25:49,433 --> 00:25:50,903 DIFFERENT. 645 00:25:50,900 --> 00:25:52,270 AM I RIGHT? 646 00:25:52,266 --> 00:25:54,096 - RIGHT. 647 00:25:54,100 --> 00:25:55,530 - WE USE WORDS DIFFERENTLY. WHITE PEOPLE USE THE WORD "HELL" IN ONE SENTENCE. 648 00:25:55,533 --> 00:25:56,933 "I'M HOT AS HELL." 649 00:25:58,600 --> 00:26:00,270 BLACK PEOPLE, WE PUT "HELL" ANYWHERE. 650 00:26:00,266 --> 00:26:01,796 "OOH, IT'S COLD AS HELL." "MAN, I'M HORNY AS HELL." 651 00:26:01,800 --> 00:26:04,600 "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?" "GET THE HELL OUT OF MY FACE." 652 00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:06,930 "WHO THE HELL TOLD YOU TO COME UP HERE?" 653 00:26:06,934 --> 00:26:08,934 THE WORD "SHIT." 654 00:26:08,934 --> 00:26:11,774 WHITE PEOPLE: "SMELLS LIKE SHIT." 655 00:26:11,767 --> 00:26:14,797 BLACK PEOPLE: "MAN, I'M TIRED AS SHIT." 656 00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:16,830 "OOH, WHOSE SHIT IS THIS?" 657 00:26:16,834 --> 00:26:18,934 "GET THIS SHIT OUT OF MY LIVING ROOM! " 658 00:26:18,934 --> 00:26:23,374 "I'LL SLAP THE SHIT OUT OF YOU. I AIN'T TAKING THAT SHIT." 659 00:26:23,367 --> 00:26:26,627 "YOU WANT TO BORROW MY CAR. SHI-I-IT." 660 00:26:26,633 --> 00:26:28,033 [CHEERING] 661 00:26:32,166 --> 00:26:34,696 THE WORD "MOTHERFUCKER." 662 00:26:34,700 --> 00:26:37,470 WHITE PEOPLE: "MOTHERFUCKER!" 663 00:26:37,467 --> 00:26:40,297 BLACK PEOPLE: "MAN, I'M TIRED AS A MOTHERFUCKER." 664 00:26:40,300 --> 00:26:42,400 "OOH, MY BACK HURT LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER." 665 00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:44,200 "IT'S COLD UP IN THIS MOTHERFUCKER." 666 00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:46,170 "YESTERDAY, IT RAINED LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER." 667 00:26:46,166 --> 00:26:48,426 TOMORROW, IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE HOTTER THAN A MOTHERFUCKER." 668 00:26:48,433 --> 00:26:50,273 "MAN, MY JOB GETTING ON MY MOTHERFUCKING NERVES. 669 00:26:50,266 --> 00:26:51,926 "I'M GONNA QUIT THAT MOTHERFUCKER, 670 00:26:51,934 --> 00:26:54,574 BUT I CAN'T BECAUSE MY RENT HIGHER THAN A MOTHERFUCKER." 671 00:26:54,567 --> 00:26:58,027 "I WENT TO CHURCH SUNDAY. CHURCH LONGER THAN A MOTHERFUCKER. 672 00:26:58,033 --> 00:26:59,603 PREACHER PREACHING LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER." 673 00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:01,100 "WHO WAS THE PREACHER?" 674 00:27:01,100 --> 00:27:02,670 "I DON'T KNOW. SOME NEW MOTHERFUCKER." 675 00:27:02,667 --> 00:27:05,327 "I LEFT OUT THE CHURCH BROKER THAN A MOTHERFUCKER. 676 00:27:05,333 --> 00:27:07,133 "I KEPT PASSING THE BASKET AROUND. 677 00:27:07,133 --> 00:27:09,373 "I'M LIKE, I JUST PUT MONEY IN THIS MOTHERFUCKER. 678 00:27:09,367 --> 00:27:12,397 "I SAW SHIRLEY AT CHURCH. SHE UGLIER THAN A MOTHERFUCKER, 679 00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:14,370 BUT THAT PUSSY GOODER THAN A MOTHERFUCKER." 680 00:27:14,367 --> 00:27:15,827 "HOW DO YOU KNOW?" 681 00:27:15,834 --> 00:27:17,234 "I FUCKED THAT MOTHERFUCKER." 682 00:27:17,233 --> 00:27:18,703 "YOU A LYING MOTHERFUCKER." 683 00:27:18,700 --> 00:27:20,900 "RUSSELL SIMMONS, YOU RICHER THAN A MOTHERFUCKER. 684 00:27:20,900 --> 00:27:23,070 LET ME GET SOME OF THAT MOTHERFUCKING MONEY"... 685 00:27:26,333 --> 00:27:28,233 "BECAUSE I'M BROKER THAN A MOTHERFUCKER." 686 00:27:28,233 --> 00:27:30,473 [CHEERING] 687 00:27:30,467 --> 00:27:32,697 I'M GERALD KELLY. GOD BLESS Y'ALL. PEACE. 688 00:27:39,333 --> 00:27:43,173 - ONE MORE TIME. MY MAN GERALD KELLY. 689 00:27:43,166 --> 00:27:44,196 YES! 690 00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:45,570 [CHEERING CONTINUES] 691 00:27:47,633 --> 00:27:49,273 - ♪ GET DOWN! ♪ 692 00:27:49,266 --> 00:27:51,596 [LOUD CHEERING] 693 00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:54,430 - AND THE MAN WHO MADE ALL THIS POSSIBLE-- 694 00:27:54,433 --> 00:27:56,103 MY MAN RUSSELL SIMMONS. 695 00:27:56,100 --> 00:27:57,930 - THANK YOU. GOD BLESS YOU. GOOD NIGHT. 696 00:27:57,934 --> 00:27:59,274 [MUSIC PLAYING] 697 00:27:59,266 --> 00:28:02,266 CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY HOME BOX OFFICE, INC. 698 00:28:02,266 --> 00:28:05,266 CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org-- 699 00:28:05,266 --> 00:28:07,366 [CHEERING] 700 00:28:07,367 --> 00:28:09,767 - ♪ YO, CUTIE ♪ 701 00:28:09,767 --> 00:28:13,227 ♪ YO, YO, YO, YO, YO CUTIE ♪ 702 00:28:13,233 --> 00:28:16,203 ♪ AH, YO ♪ 703 00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:17,870 ♪ YO ♪ 704 00:28:17,867 --> 00:28:19,867 ♪ YO, Y-Y-YO ♪ 705 00:28:19,867 --> 00:28:22,227 ♪ YO, Y-YO, Y-YO, CUTIE ♪ 706 00:28:25,233 --> 00:28:26,873 ♪ LITTLE CUTIE ♪ 707 00:28:26,867 --> 00:28:28,567 [CHEERING] 708 00:28:28,567 --> 00:28:30,897 ♪ L--L--L--L--CUTIE ♪ 709 00:28:40,166 --> 00:28:41,726 [CHEERING] 710 00:28:41,776 --> 00:28:46,326 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 56084

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