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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:12,700 --> 00:00:19,400 CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY HOME BOX OFFICE, INC. 2 00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:20,500 - YO, FELLA. YO. 3 00:00:20,500 --> 00:00:21,970 IF YOU GONNA TALK DIRTY TO YOUR WOMAN, 4 00:00:22,166 --> 00:00:24,726 YOU'VE GOT TO TALK WITH AUTHORITY. 5 00:00:24,734 --> 00:00:27,774 YOU CAN GET A WOMAN TO DO ANY NASTY LITTLE THING YOU WANT 6 00:00:27,767 --> 00:00:29,367 IF YOU SAY THAT SHIT LIKE A MAN. 7 00:00:29,367 --> 00:00:31,267 YOU MAKE A LITTLE EYE CONTACT. LOOK IN HER EYE. 8 00:00:31,266 --> 00:00:32,226 "COME HERE. COME HERE. 9 00:00:32,233 --> 00:00:34,033 YOU GONNA DO THIS SHIT." 10 00:00:34,033 --> 00:00:35,973 SHE'LL DO IT. 11 00:00:35,967 --> 00:00:38,397 ANYTHING YOU MUMBLE AIN'T GETTING DONE 12 00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:40,500 'CAUSE YOU CAN'T BE IN BED ALL UNSURE LIKE, 13 00:00:40,500 --> 00:00:45,130 "EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME. 14 00:00:45,133 --> 00:00:47,033 COULD YOU LICK MY BALLS?" 15 00:00:47,033 --> 00:00:50,273 "HUH? HUH? 16 00:00:50,266 --> 00:00:52,666 "I AIN'T LICKING NOTHING. 17 00:00:52,667 --> 00:00:55,197 LICK YOUR OWN BALLS." 18 00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:56,670 SEE, IF YOU'D HAVE SAID IT RIGHT, 19 00:00:56,667 --> 00:00:58,127 YOU'D HAVE BEEN IN THERE. 20 00:00:58,133 --> 00:00:59,733 NOW YOU GOT DRY BALLS. 21 00:01:04,934 --> 00:01:08,004 - IT'S "THE RUSSELL SIMMONS DEF COMEDY JAM" 22 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:10,770 WITH YOUR HOST, D.L. HUGHLEY. 23 00:01:12,734 --> 00:01:18,404 TONIGHT'S GUESTS: SMOKEY, TIFFANY HADDISH, 24 00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:21,970 BIG ROME, AND TONY ROBERTS. 25 00:01:23,367 --> 00:01:28,127 I AM YOUR MAN, THE WORLD'S GREATEST DJ, THE KID CAPRI, 26 00:01:28,133 --> 00:01:30,473 AND THIS IS COMEDY AT ITS BEST. 27 00:01:30,467 --> 00:01:34,897 LET'S GET IT ON WITH YOUR HOST, D.L. HUGHLEY. 28 00:01:34,900 --> 00:01:36,900 [APPLAUSE AND CHEERING] 29 00:01:38,900 --> 00:01:39,970 - HEY, YO. 30 00:01:39,967 --> 00:01:44,097 ONE MORE TIME FOR MY MAN, KID CAPRI. 31 00:01:44,100 --> 00:01:47,130 ALL RIGHT. LOOK AT ALL WE GOT. 32 00:01:47,333 --> 00:01:48,503 LOOK AT THAT. 33 00:01:48,500 --> 00:01:50,170 IT'S WHITE PEOPLE OUT HERE, TOO, YOU KNOW? 34 00:01:50,166 --> 00:01:55,766 Y'ALL BETTER LEAVE EARLY IS ALL I'M SAYING. 35 00:01:55,767 --> 00:01:57,427 BLACK PEOPLE AIN'T GONNA BE BROKE ON THE WEEKEND. 36 00:01:57,433 --> 00:02:01,033 WHAT'S HAPPENING? OH, I'LL SHOW YOU. 37 00:02:01,033 --> 00:02:02,803 THEY'RE SITTING THERE LIKE-- WHITE BOY AIN'T EVEN SCARED OF THE POLICE. 38 00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:04,570 THEY'LL TALK SHIT TO HIM. YOU EVER SEE 'EM DO IT? 39 00:02:04,567 --> 00:02:08,497 "HURRY UP AND WRITE THE GODDAMN TICKET, YOU SON OF A BITCH. 40 00:02:08,500 --> 00:02:10,430 "FUCKING PIG. 41 00:02:10,433 --> 00:02:13,633 "ALL THIS CRIME GOING ON AND YOU'RE FUCKING WITH ME? 42 00:02:13,633 --> 00:02:14,673 "THERE'S A BLACK GUY RIGHT THERE. 43 00:02:14,667 --> 00:02:17,297 "YOU KNOW HE'S DONE SOMETHING. 44 00:02:17,300 --> 00:02:18,770 GIVE ME A BADGE NUMBER, ASSHOLE." 45 00:02:18,767 --> 00:02:20,097 THAT SHIT DON'T WORK FOR US. 46 00:02:20,100 --> 00:02:25,770 "GIVE ME YOUR--" AND I'M SO TIRED OF THE FUCKING NEWS. 47 00:02:25,767 --> 00:02:29,997 IF I SEE BRITNEY SPEARS OR FUCKING--GODDAMN. 48 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:31,200 DAMN, PARIS HILTON. 49 00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:33,630 I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FUCK SHE FAMOUS FOR. 50 00:02:33,633 --> 00:02:35,033 'CAUSE HER MOM AND DADDY OWN HOTELS? 51 00:02:35,033 --> 00:02:36,073 YOU DON'T SEE THE RAMADA BITCHES. 52 00:02:36,066 --> 00:02:37,166 YOU EVER SEE THEM ON TV? 53 00:02:41,133 --> 00:02:42,603 ALL RIGHT. 54 00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:44,200 YOU DON'T SEE THEM MOTEL 6 HOES. 55 00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:48,670 THEY AIN'T NEVER ON TV. YOU SEE THEM? 56 00:02:48,667 --> 00:02:50,527 TIME I TURN AROUND SOME FUCKING-- 57 00:02:53,100 --> 00:02:55,100 ALL KIND OF SHIT GOING ON, MAN. 58 00:02:55,100 --> 00:02:56,900 REMEMBER THE FEMALE ASTRONAUT, THE ONE FROM TEXAS? 59 00:02:56,900 --> 00:02:58,800 SHE FOUND OUT HER MAN WAS FUCKING AROUND 60 00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:02,470 SO SHE DROVE FROM TEXAS TO FLORIDA WITH A FUCKING DIAPER ON 61 00:03:02,467 --> 00:03:05,597 'CAUSE SHE DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO STOP AND SHIT. 62 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:07,830 BUT I WANT TO KNOW WHAT CAR YOU KNOW GO 900 MILES 63 00:03:07,834 --> 00:03:10,174 WITHOUT STOPPING FOR GAS? 64 00:03:10,166 --> 00:03:12,496 SO YOU'LL STOP FOR GAS, BUT YOU'LL JUST SHIT ON YOURSELF. 65 00:03:12,500 --> 00:03:13,900 WHAT IS THAT? 66 00:03:13,900 --> 00:03:14,930 "MA'AM, CAN I HELP YOU?" 67 00:03:14,934 --> 00:03:16,474 "NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT." 68 00:03:20,500 --> 00:03:22,100 STAR JONES IS IN THE NEWS. 69 00:03:22,100 --> 00:03:25,100 STAR JONES DISCLOSED THAT SHE HAD THE GASTRIC BYPASS SURGERY. 70 00:03:25,100 --> 00:03:26,170 I WAS SHOCKED. 71 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:30,530 I THOUGHT SHE WAS WORKING OUT. 72 00:03:30,533 --> 00:03:32,403 SHE ONE OF THEM WOMEN THAT LOOK BETTER BIGGER. 73 00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:34,830 DON'T SHE? SHE LOOK BETTER BIGGER. 74 00:03:34,834 --> 00:03:38,634 NOW SHE LOOK DEFLATED LIKE A PINATA 75 00:03:38,633 --> 00:03:39,973 WITH ALL THE CANDY BEAT OUT OF HER. 76 00:03:39,967 --> 00:03:40,967 DON'T SHE JUST... 77 00:03:43,900 --> 00:03:48,300 ALL RIGHT, THIS NEXT CAT IS HARLEM-BORN AND HOLLYWOOD-BOUND. 78 00:03:48,300 --> 00:03:49,800 GET UP FOR MY MAN SMOKEY. 79 00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:51,800 [APPLAUSE AND CHEERING] 80 00:03:55,033 --> 00:03:57,133 - WHAT'S UP, Y'ALL? MAKE SOME NOISE. 81 00:03:57,133 --> 00:03:59,333 [APPLAUSE AND CHEERING] 82 00:03:59,333 --> 00:04:01,003 GIVE IT UP FOR YOURSELVES, LADIES. 83 00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:01,970 YOU LOOK GOOD. 84 00:04:01,967 --> 00:04:02,997 YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. 85 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:04,700 IF YOU LOOK GOOD, CLAP YOUR HANDS. 86 00:04:04,700 --> 00:04:07,400 [APPLAUSE AND CHEERING] 87 00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:11,100 IF YOU LOOK ALL RIGHT, SNAP YOUR FINGERS. 88 00:04:11,100 --> 00:04:15,430 UGLY BITCHES IN THE BACK LIKE, 89 00:04:15,433 --> 00:04:17,073 "YOU KNOW, I'M TRYING TO GET MY SHIT TOGETHER. 90 00:04:19,900 --> 00:04:21,270 I'M IN SCHOOL NOW." 91 00:04:23,834 --> 00:04:25,204 WOMEN WITH LONG TITTIES, 92 00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:26,830 IF YOUR TITTIES AIN'T GOT NO MORE DEFINITION, 93 00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:29,634 DON'T BE DANCING IN THE CLUBS. 94 00:04:29,633 --> 00:04:31,333 YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. YOU IN THE CLUB DANCING. 95 00:04:31,333 --> 00:04:41,603 YOUR TITTIES HITTING YOU IN YOUR BACK. 96 00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:43,470 "THESE BITCHES KEEP BUMPING INTO ME. 97 00:04:43,467 --> 00:04:44,467 THEY HATING." 98 00:04:48,133 --> 00:04:52,433 LIKE, NO, BITCH. YOU BUMPING INTO YOURSELF. 99 00:04:52,433 --> 00:04:53,773 THAT'S YOU. 100 00:04:55,533 --> 00:04:57,533 BIG WOMEN WITH TOE RINGS, IF YOUR TOE THIS BIG, 101 00:04:57,533 --> 00:04:59,873 THAT'S NOT A TOE RING. 102 00:04:59,867 --> 00:05:00,897 THAT'S A BRACELET. 103 00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:04,400 "BABY, HOW YOU THINK THIS LOOK?" 104 00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:05,970 THAT SHIT COULD FIT AROUND MY NECK. 105 00:05:10,033 --> 00:05:11,203 MEN, WE'VE MESSED UP TOO. 106 00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:12,670 I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK WE LAUGH FOR. 107 00:05:12,667 --> 00:05:14,897 MAN, WE MESSED UP TOO. YEAH, LADIES. 108 00:05:14,900 --> 00:05:18,600 THERE'S NIGGAS IN HERE RIGHT NOW THAT'S NOT EVEN CIRCUMCISED. 109 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:23,030 YEAH. LOOK AT HIM. DICK LOOK LIKE AN ANTEATER. 110 00:05:23,033 --> 00:05:25,303 THIS NIGGA DICK LOOK LIKE HE GOT A CHAMPION HOODIE. 111 00:05:30,266 --> 00:05:32,366 THIS NIGGA DICK GOT ASTHMA. 112 00:05:36,433 --> 00:05:38,373 THAT'S THE NIGGA ALWAYS WANTS SOME HEAD, TOO. 113 00:05:38,367 --> 00:05:40,367 "SUCK IT. SUCK." 114 00:05:43,934 --> 00:05:47,704 "GET THAT SHIT OUT MY FACE, SHARON. 115 00:05:47,700 --> 00:05:50,330 FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, SHARON?" 116 00:05:50,333 --> 00:05:52,073 YOU CAN'T GET NOBODY TO SUCK THAT DICK. 117 00:05:52,066 --> 00:05:54,366 A CRACKHEAD WON'T EVEN SUCK THAT DICK, RIGHT? 118 00:05:54,367 --> 00:05:56,627 CRACKHEAD BE LOOKING AT YOUR ASS LIKE... 119 00:06:02,834 --> 00:06:04,104 "I DON'T GET HIGH NO MORE. 120 00:06:04,100 --> 00:06:10,300 [INDISTINCT] NO, I'LL GET HIGH TOMORROW." 121 00:06:13,967 --> 00:06:15,727 EVERYBODY GOT A CRACKHEAD IN THEY FAMILY. 122 00:06:15,734 --> 00:06:17,534 KEEP IT REAL. 123 00:06:17,533 --> 00:06:19,973 DON'T BE ASHAMED. DON'T BE EMBARRASSED. 124 00:06:19,967 --> 00:06:23,597 THIS IS NOT A COMEDY SHOW. THIS IS A MEETING. 125 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:25,330 YOU GOTTA LOVE YOUR CRACKHEAD FAMILY MEMBER, THOUGH. 126 00:06:25,333 --> 00:06:28,233 YOU CAN'T LET HIM IN YOUR HOUSE, THOUGH, 'CAUSE THEY STEAL. 127 00:06:28,233 --> 00:06:29,733 RIGHT? THEY STEAL LITTLE SHIT, TOO. 128 00:06:29,734 --> 00:06:34,104 SHIT YOU DON'T EVEN NOTICE, LIKE A HOT WATER KNOB. 129 00:06:34,100 --> 00:06:35,100 YOU GO TAKE A SHOWER. 130 00:06:35,100 --> 00:06:39,900 "WHO THE FUCK STOLE THE HOT WATER KNOB?" 131 00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:42,630 [INDISTINCT] A HOT WATER KNOB [INDISTINCT]. 132 00:06:46,333 --> 00:06:47,973 CRACKHEADS ARE THE FASTEST CREATURES ON EARTH. 133 00:06:47,967 --> 00:06:48,967 YOU EVER SEEN A CRACKHEAD? 134 00:06:51,066 --> 00:06:53,926 LOOK ON DISCOVERY CHANNEL, YOU SEE THE CRACKHEAD PASSING THE CHEETAH. 135 00:07:01,867 --> 00:07:03,797 I'M STUPID. 136 00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:06,570 MY AUNT IS A CRACKHEAD TO THE FIFTH POWER. 137 00:07:06,567 --> 00:07:08,197 YOU CAN'T EVEN SLEEP AROUND THIS BITCH. 138 00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:09,670 THIS BITCH'LL STEAL YOUR DREAMS. 139 00:07:11,333 --> 00:07:16,633 "I GOT DREAMS FOR SALE. $5. I GOT 2 POCONOS AND A BERMUDA." 140 00:07:19,433 --> 00:07:21,033 CRACKHEADS CREATE SHIT, TOO. 141 00:07:21,033 --> 00:07:22,933 PEOPLE THINK CRACKHEADS DON'T CREATE SHIT. 142 00:07:22,934 --> 00:07:25,834 THEY AIN'T CREATIVE. THEY CREATE SHIT, TOO. 143 00:07:25,834 --> 00:07:29,434 LOOK AT THE DANCES WE GOT. THE HARLEM SHAKE. 144 00:07:29,633 --> 00:07:31,633 Y'ALL THINK THAT'S A REGULAR DANCE. 145 00:07:31,633 --> 00:07:33,533 I LIVE IN HARLEM. 146 00:07:33,533 --> 00:07:47,503 THE FIRST CRACKHEAD DID THAT SHIT, HE WAS LIKE... 147 00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:58,270 THE FIRST CRACKHEAD DID THAT SHIT, HE WAS LIKE... 148 00:07:58,266 --> 00:08:05,326 THE FIRST CRACKHEAD DID THAT SHIT, HE WAS LIKE... 149 00:08:05,333 --> 00:08:06,533 "LET ME GET 2 MORE." 150 00:08:08,133 --> 00:08:09,133 YEAH, THAT'S MY TIME. 151 00:08:09,133 --> 00:08:11,133 [APPLAUSE AND CHEERING] 152 00:08:16,567 --> 00:08:18,397 - NOTHING LIKE THAT CRACKHEAD HUMOR. 153 00:08:20,266 --> 00:08:21,426 ALL RIGHT, THIS NEXT YOUNG LADY 154 00:08:21,433 --> 00:08:23,833 IS A GRADUATE OF THE LAUGH FACTORY COMEDY CAMP. 155 00:08:23,834 --> 00:08:26,534 FROM SOUTH CENTRAL, PLEASE PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER 156 00:08:26,533 --> 00:08:27,833 FOR TIFFANY HADDISH. 157 00:08:27,834 --> 00:08:29,834 [APPLAUSE AND CHEERING] 158 00:08:42,333 --> 00:08:44,403 - HEY. HOW Y'ALL DOING? 159 00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:45,800 [CROWD CHEERING] 160 00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:47,330 I'M FEELING REAL GOOD TONIGHT. 161 00:08:47,333 --> 00:08:48,333 I'M FEELING REAL GOOD. 162 00:08:48,333 --> 00:08:50,703 ANYBODY HERE FROM THE SOUTH? 163 00:08:50,700 --> 00:08:51,900 YEAH. YEAH. 164 00:08:51,900 --> 00:08:52,900 ME, TOO. ME, TOO. 165 00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:54,370 SOUTH CENTRAL LOS ANGELES. 166 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:56,597 54th AND WEST. BABY. 167 00:08:56,600 --> 00:08:57,770 OH, YEAH. 168 00:08:57,767 --> 00:08:59,367 WHAT THAT DO, BOO BOO? 169 00:08:59,367 --> 00:09:01,767 I'M KEEPING IT GANGSTER. GOT THIS WHOLE OUTFIT. 170 00:09:01,767 --> 00:09:03,267 I BEEN SHOPPING AND SHIT ALL DAY. 171 00:09:03,266 --> 00:09:06,626 I GOT THIS WHOLE OUTFIT FROM THE SLAUSON SWAP MEET AND SHIT. 172 00:09:06,633 --> 00:09:08,403 I'M FEELING GOOD THAN A MOTHER FUCK. 173 00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:10,400 AIN'T NOTHING LIKE THE SLAUSON SWAP MEET. 174 00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:12,270 YOU CAN GET EVERYTHING YOU NEED THERE. 175 00:09:12,266 --> 00:09:13,766 I COULD GO UP IN THE SLAUSON SWAP MEET, 176 00:09:13,767 --> 00:09:15,297 COME UP OUTTA THERE WITH A WHOLE OUTFIT, 177 00:09:15,300 --> 00:09:17,030 GET YOUR NAILS DONE, GET YOUR EYEBROWS OUCHED, 178 00:09:17,033 --> 00:09:19,333 GET YOU SOME EYELASHES, GET YOU 2 PEOPLE, 179 00:09:19,333 --> 00:09:22,033 A PUPPY, SOME BOOTLEG DVDs. 180 00:09:22,033 --> 00:09:25,333 YOU CAN FUCKING GET--YOU CAN GET A PAP SMEAR, AN ABORTION-- 181 00:09:25,333 --> 00:09:29,733 YOU CAN GET YOU A BOYFRIEND AND SHIT. 182 00:09:29,734 --> 00:09:31,504 SOME DICK. YOU KNOW, IT'S COOL. 183 00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:32,800 A MEXICAN TO CLEAN YOUR HOUSE. 184 00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:36,230 YOU CAN GET EVERYTHING AT THE SLAUSON SWAP MEET. 185 00:09:36,233 --> 00:09:39,203 I LOVE THAT PLACE. IT'S NOTHING LIKE IT. 186 00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:40,870 I'M TIRED OF DATING DUDES OUT OF JAIL. 187 00:09:40,867 --> 00:09:41,927 I'M TIRED OF DATING DUDES OUT OF JAIL, 188 00:09:41,934 --> 00:09:42,934 BUT SOMETIMES YOU GOTTA MESS WITH 'EM. 189 00:09:42,934 --> 00:09:44,474 YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? 190 00:09:44,467 --> 00:09:47,097 BUT I STILL FUCK WITH 'EM, BUT I JUST HAVE SAFE SEX WITH 'EM. 191 00:09:47,100 --> 00:09:48,470 IT'S IMPORTANT TO HAVE SAFE SEX. 192 00:09:48,467 --> 00:09:53,027 SAFE SEX IS A GOOD THING. YOU GOTTA HAVE SAFE SEX. 193 00:09:53,033 --> 00:09:54,703 I JUST DON'T LET 'EM COME IN THE COOCHIE, THOUGH. 194 00:09:54,700 --> 00:09:55,700 I DON'T LET 'EM COME IN THE COOCHIE. 195 00:09:55,700 --> 00:09:57,700 I JUST DO SHIT LIKE--UM, LIKE-- 196 00:09:57,700 --> 00:09:59,800 I WISH I HAD THAT STUFF, LIKE, YOU, MISS, 197 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:03,130 WITH THE BIG BOOTY ON YOUR CHEST. 198 00:10:03,133 --> 00:10:04,633 'CAUSE I'M ROCKING A 31 A-MINUS. 199 00:10:04,633 --> 00:10:06,073 THIS RIGHT THERE. 200 00:10:06,066 --> 00:10:09,826 THIS IS SOME BUSH. LOOK AT THIS. 201 00:10:09,834 --> 00:10:12,974 I GOTTA KEEP MINE IN A PAPER TOWEL 202 00:10:12,967 --> 00:10:14,797 TO KEEP MY [INDISTINCT] FROM BEING MUSSED. 203 00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:16,900 THIS IS SOME--THIS BAG. 204 00:10:16,900 --> 00:10:19,230 I WAS TRYING TO GET SOME FREE DRINKS LATER. 205 00:10:21,333 --> 00:10:22,333 BUT I CAN'T--I CAN'T DO THOSE THINGS. 206 00:10:22,333 --> 00:10:23,773 YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? 207 00:10:23,767 --> 00:10:26,097 I WAS TELLING MY BOO--I WAS LIKE, "BABY, LET'S--LET'S-- 208 00:10:26,100 --> 00:10:27,730 "LET'S DO WHAT THEY DOING IN THE MOVIE, BABY. 209 00:10:27,734 --> 00:10:30,834 "LET'S HAVE SOME--TITTY FUCK ME. COME ON." 210 00:10:30,834 --> 00:10:32,434 HE WAS LIKE, "BABE. 211 00:10:32,433 --> 00:10:34,903 "BOO, YOUR TITTIES DON'T EVEN KNOW EACH OTHER, DOG. 212 00:10:34,900 --> 00:10:38,900 HOW WE GONNA DO THIS?" 213 00:10:41,100 --> 00:10:42,770 SO I GOT SOME BARBEQUE SAUCE. 214 00:10:42,767 --> 00:10:43,997 I PUT THAT SHIT ALL ON MY RIBS. 215 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:46,770 WE WAS LIKE, "MM, YEAH. 216 00:10:46,767 --> 00:10:49,197 "[INDISTINCT] SEX, DADDY. 217 00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:52,500 "YEAH, YOU WANNA GET FREAKY? 218 00:10:52,500 --> 00:10:54,470 "OH, YOU WANT IT WET? OH, YOU WANT IT WET? 219 00:10:54,467 --> 00:10:56,097 "YOU WANT IT WET? YOU WANT IT WET? 220 00:10:56,100 --> 00:11:02,670 "[INDISTINCT] OH, YOU WANNA GET REAL NASTY, HUH? 221 00:11:02,667 --> 00:11:03,727 OH, YOU WANT SOME OF THIS." 222 00:11:18,300 --> 00:11:19,900 GOOD FOOT FUCKING RIGHT THERE. 223 00:11:19,900 --> 00:11:20,900 THAT'S GOOD FOOT FUCKING. 224 00:11:23,066 --> 00:11:25,466 SHE'S LIKE, "OH, MY GOD." 225 00:11:25,467 --> 00:11:28,397 DID YOU SEE HER MONKEY? 226 00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:30,630 I'M SORRY. MY BAD. 227 00:11:30,633 --> 00:11:31,833 I SHOULD HAVE WAXED IT, HUH? 228 00:11:35,567 --> 00:11:39,127 ANYBODY HERE EVER GOT A BIKINI WAX BEFORE? 229 00:11:39,133 --> 00:11:41,033 WOO. 230 00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:42,903 I REMEMBER MY FIRST TIME GETTING A BIKINI WAX. 231 00:11:42,900 --> 00:11:44,630 I WENT TO THIS SCHOOL OUT IN THE VALLEY, RIGHT? 232 00:11:44,633 --> 00:11:46,033 OUT IN WOODLAND HILLS, CALIFORNIA. 233 00:11:46,033 --> 00:11:47,373 IT WAS TOTALLY FUCKING AWESOME. 234 00:11:47,367 --> 00:11:49,267 YOU KNOW IT TOTALLY JUST FRICKIN' ROCKED OUT THERE. 235 00:11:49,266 --> 00:11:50,426 YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? 236 00:11:50,433 --> 00:11:51,473 FUCK YEAH. 237 00:11:51,467 --> 00:11:54,567 AND MY FRIEND AMBER WAS LIKE-- 238 00:11:54,567 --> 00:11:56,667 UM, WE WERE TAKING A SHOWER RIGHT AFTER TRACK PRACTICE 239 00:11:56,667 --> 00:11:58,667 AND SHE WAS LIKE, "OH, MY GOD. 240 00:11:58,667 --> 00:12:01,197 "TIFFANY, YOUR BUSH. 241 00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:02,630 "YOU HAVE GOT TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT. 242 00:12:02,633 --> 00:12:04,433 "NOBODY'S EVER GONNA EAT YOUR BURGER LIKE THAT. 243 00:12:04,433 --> 00:12:08,303 "YOU HAVE--YOU HAVE GOT TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT. 244 00:12:08,300 --> 00:12:09,330 YOU NEED TO GET THAT WAXED." 245 00:12:09,333 --> 00:12:10,503 I WAS LIKE, "GIRL, WHAT YOU TALKING ABOUT? 246 00:12:10,500 --> 00:12:11,670 "THIS IS CUTE. I GOT BARRETTES 247 00:12:11,667 --> 00:12:14,127 "AND BEADS AND SPARKLES AND SHIT. 248 00:12:14,133 --> 00:12:15,333 "I GOT BRAIDS ON THIS. 249 00:12:15,333 --> 00:12:16,903 "I'M MR. ALLEN IVERSON, BITCH. 250 00:12:16,900 --> 00:12:20,370 "WHAT--LOOK AT THAT SHIT. THAT IS CUTE. 251 00:12:20,367 --> 00:12:21,797 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" 252 00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:24,100 SHE WAS LIKE, "NO, TIFFANY. YOU HAVE GOT TO GET IT WAXED." 253 00:12:24,100 --> 00:12:26,230 SO I WAS LIKE, "OK. WELL, WHAT [INDISTINCT]." 254 00:12:26,233 --> 00:12:27,873 SHE'S LIKE, "ME AND MY MOM ARE GONNA TAKE YOU TO THE SPA. 255 00:12:27,867 --> 00:12:29,427 IT'S GONNA BE TOTALLY FREAKIN' AWESOME." 256 00:12:29,433 --> 00:12:32,933 SO WE WENT TO THE SPA, RIGHT? I TOOK OFF MY PANTS. 257 00:12:32,934 --> 00:12:36,304 THE LITTLE ASIAN LADY WAS LIKE, "OH. WE NEED MORE WAX." 258 00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:38,600 SHE COME BACK WITH MORE WAX. 259 00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:39,700 SHE PUT IT ON. IT'S ALL WARM. 260 00:12:39,700 --> 00:12:42,130 I'M LIKE, "OOH. THIS IS NICE." 261 00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:45,270 THEN SHE PUT THE PAPER DOWN. 262 00:12:45,266 --> 00:12:46,326 SHE KIND OF PRESSED IT KIND OF HARD. 263 00:12:46,333 --> 00:12:47,333 I'M LIKE, "OH, SHIT, BITCH. 264 00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:48,933 "YOU WANT MY PHONE NUMBER OR SOMETHING? 265 00:12:51,367 --> 00:12:52,527 WHAT IS SHE DOING?" 266 00:12:54,767 --> 00:12:56,727 THEN SHE PULLED THE PAPER BACK. I WAS LIKE, "OH, BITCH. 267 00:12:56,734 --> 00:12:58,974 "YOU DONE RIPPED MY COOCHIEMENTS AND EVERYTHING. 268 00:12:58,967 --> 00:13:01,027 "MY UTERUS IS ON THAT FUCKING PAPER, BITCH. 269 00:13:01,033 --> 00:13:03,033 "HOW AM I EVER GONNA GET CHILD SUPPORT NOW, BITCH? 270 00:13:03,033 --> 00:13:05,333 "[INDISTINCT], BITCH. FUCK YOU. 271 00:13:05,333 --> 00:13:07,933 GIVE ME MY OVARIES BACK, BITCH." 272 00:13:07,934 --> 00:13:09,104 PICKED UP THE PAPER. 273 00:13:09,100 --> 00:13:12,270 I TRIED TO PUT EACH HAIR BACK ONE BY ONE AND SHIT. 274 00:13:12,266 --> 00:13:14,766 WALKED OUT OF THERE WITH ONE BALD COOCHIE LIP. I HAD A FADE. 275 00:13:14,767 --> 00:13:16,267 LIKE THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT. 276 00:13:27,533 --> 00:13:29,803 BRAID THAT SHIT UP ON THE ONE SIDE. 277 00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:31,370 ANYWAY. 278 00:13:31,367 --> 00:13:32,567 ONE OF MY GOALS IN LIFE-- 279 00:13:32,567 --> 00:13:34,797 ONE OF MY DREAMS AND GOALS AND ASPIRATIONS IN LIFE 280 00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:38,170 WAS TO BE, LIKE, A MAJOR SINGER OR RAPPER. 281 00:13:38,166 --> 00:13:39,796 LIKE, I WANTED TO BE LIKE WHITNEY HOUSTON AT FIRST, 282 00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:41,300 BEFORE SHE GOT WITH BOBBY AND SHIT. 283 00:13:41,300 --> 00:13:43,330 [INDISTINCT] AND I CHANGED MY MIND 284 00:13:43,333 --> 00:13:45,303 AND I SAID I WANTED TO BE A RAPPER, RIGHT? 285 00:13:45,300 --> 00:13:47,830 AND THEN NOBODY EVER, LIKE, PICKED UP MY ALBUM OR NOTHING. 286 00:13:47,834 --> 00:13:49,034 YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? 287 00:13:49,033 --> 00:13:50,033 AND THAT KIND OF FUCKING MADE ME 288 00:13:50,033 --> 00:13:51,633 MAD AT EVERYBODY FOR A LITTLE BIT. 289 00:13:53,767 --> 00:13:56,267 SO, KID CAPRI, I NEED YOU TO KICK ME A BEAT. 290 00:13:56,266 --> 00:13:57,566 YOU READY? WAIT. HOLD UP. I AIN'T READY. 291 00:13:57,567 --> 00:13:59,567 WAIT. HOLD UP. 292 00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:05,270 ALL RIGHT. KID CAPRI, GIVE ME THAT BEAT. 293 00:14:05,266 --> 00:14:07,196 [BEAT PLAYING] 294 00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:10,730 HEY. MAKE SOME NOISE. DEF JAM. 295 00:14:10,734 --> 00:14:12,874 [CROWD CHEERING] 296 00:14:12,867 --> 00:14:15,127 YOU KNOW, EVERY GOOD RAPPER START OFF WITH A DANCE AND SHIT. 297 00:14:18,633 --> 00:14:21,373 HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY. 298 00:14:21,367 --> 00:14:23,597 YOU START OFF LIKE THAT SHIT. I SEEN THAT SHIT ON A VIDEO. 299 00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:26,070 ♪ THEY CALL ME TIFFANY IT'S TO THE T-I-F-F-A-N-Y WHY? ♪ 300 00:14:26,066 --> 00:14:27,366 ♪ BECAUSE I AM SO FLY YOU KNOW ♪ 301 00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,867 ♪ THAT IS A LIE I COME STRAIGHT FROM SOUTH CENTRAL ♪ 302 00:14:29,867 --> 00:14:32,527 ♪ BABY BOO I WALK MY PIT BULLS EVERY DAY ♪ 303 00:14:32,533 --> 00:14:35,233 ♪ BOO GOT 2 BLUE WHAT YOU WANNA DO? ♪ 304 00:14:35,233 --> 00:14:37,433 ♪ I KEEP IT GANGSTER, BABY, AND I WILL FUCK YOU ♪ 305 00:14:37,433 --> 00:14:39,733 ♪ IF YOUR CREDIT IS RIGHT IF YOUR SHIT IS TIGHT ♪ 306 00:14:39,734 --> 00:14:41,974 ♪ IF YOU GOT A WHIP, I'M WIT YOU TONIGHT ♪ 307 00:14:41,967 --> 00:14:46,727 ♪ OH, THEY CALL ME TIFFANY AND I LIKE TO GET DOWN AND GRITTY ♪ 308 00:14:46,734 --> 00:14:49,434 ♪ I MIGHT BE CUTE SHIT, AND THE BITCH BE LIKE "FUCK HER" ♪ 309 00:14:49,433 --> 00:14:52,233 ♪ WELL FUCK THAT SHIT, I'M REAL [INDISTINCT] ♪ 310 00:14:52,233 --> 00:14:53,733 ♪ WHAT YOU GONNA DO? ♪ 311 00:14:53,734 --> 00:14:57,004 ♪ FUCK WITH TIFFANY AND I'LL FUCK WITH YOU ♪ 312 00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:58,270 ♪ WHAT YOU WANNA DO? ♪ 313 00:14:58,266 --> 00:15:01,126 ♪ FUCK WITH TIFFANY AND I'LL FUCK WITH YOU ♪ 314 00:15:01,133 --> 00:15:03,573 TIFFANY HADDISH, BABY. 315 00:15:03,567 --> 00:15:06,367 [INDISTINCT] GIVE ME MY HAIR BACK. 316 00:15:06,367 --> 00:15:08,097 GIVE ME MY HAIR BACK. 317 00:15:08,100 --> 00:15:10,100 GIVE ME MY SHIT BACK. 318 00:15:10,100 --> 00:15:12,570 THAT'S FROM THE SLAUSON SWAP MEET. SHIT. 319 00:15:12,567 --> 00:15:14,567 [APPLAUSE AND CHEERING] 320 00:15:26,834 --> 00:15:28,074 - ALL RIGHT. 321 00:15:28,066 --> 00:15:30,266 ONE MORE TIME, GIVE IT UP TO MY GIRL, TIFFANY HADDISH. 322 00:15:30,266 --> 00:15:32,266 [APPLAUSE AND CHEERING] 323 00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:38,730 THAT IS A FINE MOTHERFUCKER, RIGHT THERE. 324 00:15:38,734 --> 00:15:39,734 I CAME. FUCK IT. 325 00:15:39,734 --> 00:15:45,074 I AIN'T GONNA LIE. I'M GOING... 326 00:15:45,066 --> 00:15:46,666 EVEN WHEN SHE SNAPPED HER HAIR OFF, I THOUGHT, 327 00:15:46,667 --> 00:15:48,167 "DON'T TRY THAT SHIT AT HOME. 328 00:15:48,166 --> 00:15:50,466 "YOU'LL FUCK AROUND, GET A GUN PULLED ON YOU 329 00:15:50,467 --> 00:15:51,467 DOING SOME SHIT LIKE THAT." 330 00:15:53,700 --> 00:15:54,870 ALL RIGHT. JUDGING BY HIS NAME, 331 00:15:54,867 --> 00:15:56,497 HE'S ABOUT TO COME IN AND TELL IT LIKE IT IS. 332 00:15:56,500 --> 00:15:58,000 GIVE IT UP FOR BIG ROME. 333 00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:00,000 [APPLAUSE AND CHEERING] 334 00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:10,527 - WHAT'S HAPPENING? WHAT'S UP? 335 00:16:10,533 --> 00:16:12,303 Y'ALL GIVE IT UP FOR D.L. HUGHLEY, MAN. 336 00:16:12,300 --> 00:16:13,570 SHOW YOUR LOVE FOR D.L. 337 00:16:13,567 --> 00:16:16,227 [APPLAUSE AND CHEERING] 338 00:16:16,233 --> 00:16:18,603 Y'ALL MOTHERFUCKERS ARE LOOKING GOOD [INDISTINCT]. 339 00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:20,900 BUT I DON'T KNOW, MAN. LOT OF SHIT GOING ON, MAN. 340 00:16:20,900 --> 00:16:23,870 FELLAS, IF YOUR MONEY FUCKED UP, JUST LEAVE. 341 00:16:23,867 --> 00:16:26,497 I FEEL--JUST GET OUT THE HOUSE, NIGGA. 342 00:16:26,500 --> 00:16:29,400 JUST LEAVE THE WOMAN 'CAUSE SHE GONNA PUT YOUR ASS OUT. 343 00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:32,600 JUST LEAVE WHILE YOU GOT YOUR DIGNITY. 344 00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:34,100 I FEEL SORRY FOR ANY MAN IN HERE 345 00:16:34,100 --> 00:16:36,430 LIVING WITH A WOMAN AND YOUR MONEY IS FUCKED UP. 346 00:16:36,433 --> 00:16:39,073 WOO. EVERYTHING YOU DO GET ON THAT BITCH NERVE. 347 00:16:39,066 --> 00:16:40,196 YOU JUST DON'T KNOW. 348 00:16:41,900 --> 00:16:43,400 YOU BE SITTING AT THE TABLE EATING YOUR FOOD. 349 00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:50,130 SHE BE LOOKING. "THIS NIGGA KEEP CHEWING. DAMN. 350 00:16:50,133 --> 00:16:52,803 "I HATE HIS CHEW, JESUS. I JUST--UGH. 351 00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:54,800 OPEN CLOSE. OPEN CLOSE." 352 00:16:56,533 --> 00:16:58,433 WHEN YOU LIVE WITH A BLACK WOMAN AND YOU AIN'T GOT NO JOB, 353 00:16:58,433 --> 00:16:59,873 SHE'LL THINK YOU AIN'T SUPPOSED TO DO SHIT 354 00:16:59,867 --> 00:17:00,997 BUT LOOK FOR A FUCKING JOB. 355 00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:03,130 THAT'S IT. 356 00:17:03,133 --> 00:17:04,203 "YOU SLEEPY? 357 00:17:09,700 --> 00:17:10,930 "FUCK IS YOU YAWNING? 358 00:17:10,934 --> 00:17:12,634 YOU AIN'T WORKING. I DON'T UNDERSTAND." 359 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:16,270 THEY LOVE TELLING YOU WHAT THEY AIN'T USED TO WHEN YOU BROKE. 360 00:17:16,266 --> 00:17:17,526 "I AIN'T USED TO THIS SHIT. 361 00:17:17,533 --> 00:17:22,773 I JUST--I AIN'T USED TO THIS." 362 00:17:22,767 --> 00:17:25,627 KEEP YOUR MONEY RIGHT, FELLAS. 363 00:17:25,633 --> 00:17:27,803 A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK SEX, YOU KNOW, IS WHAT MAKES IT, 364 00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:29,430 BUT, YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES SEX CAN BE OVERRATED. 365 00:17:29,433 --> 00:17:30,873 YOU'VE GOT TO GET TO KNOW A PERSON 366 00:17:30,867 --> 00:17:31,897 BEFORE Y'ALL FALL IN LOVE. 367 00:17:31,900 --> 00:17:32,970 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? REALLY. 368 00:17:32,967 --> 00:17:34,227 BEFORE YOU START ALL THAT SEXUAL SHIT. 369 00:17:34,233 --> 00:17:36,233 GET TO KNOW A PERSON. 370 00:17:36,233 --> 00:17:38,633 'CAUSE, FELLAS, YOU KNOW WE CHANGE. YOU KNOW THAT SHIT. 371 00:17:38,633 --> 00:17:41,373 BEFORE SEX, WE BE CONCERNED ABOUT THE WOMAN. 372 00:17:41,367 --> 00:17:43,697 SHE CROSS YOUR MIND. 373 00:17:43,700 --> 00:17:46,930 YOU REMEMBER HER NAME. EVERY MOTHERFUCKING THING. 374 00:17:46,934 --> 00:17:50,504 SOON AS YOU GET THAT ASS, SHE BECOME WHATYOUCALLIT. 375 00:17:50,500 --> 00:17:51,900 AND YOU BE TELLING YOUR BOYS, 376 00:17:51,900 --> 00:17:53,800 "MAN, I AIN'T TALK TO WHATYOUCALLIT IN SO GODDAMN LONG. 377 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:55,770 I GOTTA CALL WHATYOUCALLIT." 378 00:17:55,767 --> 00:17:56,927 "HEY, WHO'S WHATYOUCALLIT?" 379 00:17:56,934 --> 00:17:58,104 "YOU KNOW, THE ONE WITH THE ALTIMA, MAN. 380 00:17:58,100 --> 00:17:59,130 "WHATYOUCALLIT. 381 00:17:59,133 --> 00:18:00,503 I DON'T KNOW HER NAME. SHIT." 382 00:18:02,300 --> 00:18:03,630 LADIES, Y'ALL CAN'T GET MAD. 383 00:18:03,633 --> 00:18:04,703 Y'ALL CHANGE, TOO. 384 00:18:06,066 --> 00:18:07,766 BEFORE SEX, A MAN SEND YOU TO THE STORE, 385 00:18:07,767 --> 00:18:09,127 YOU BRING ALL HIS CHANGE BACK. 386 00:18:09,133 --> 00:18:12,873 EVERY DIME. RECEIPT. 387 00:18:12,867 --> 00:18:15,227 EVERY GODDAMN THING. 388 00:18:15,233 --> 00:18:18,273 AFTER SEX, THAT'S HER CHANGE. 389 00:18:18,266 --> 00:18:19,596 THEY MAKE YOU FEEL LESS THAN A MAN 390 00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:22,700 IF YOU ASK FOR YOUR OWN FUCKING CHANGE. 391 00:18:22,700 --> 00:18:24,500 YOU BE LIKE, "HEY, BABY. I GAVE YOU A 50." 392 00:18:24,500 --> 00:18:30,400 "AND? WHAT? YOU NEED YO CHANGE? 393 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:32,770 "I'M FUCKING WITH A NIGGA THAT NEEDS SOME CHANGE? 394 00:18:37,300 --> 00:18:39,000 "I DID NOT KNOW. 395 00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:40,600 "I DID NOT KNOW, BOO BOO. 396 00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:42,170 "LET ME GO GET YOUR LITTLE CHANGE. 397 00:18:42,166 --> 00:18:44,026 I DID NOT KNOW." 398 00:18:44,033 --> 00:18:45,303 YOU GOTTA PLAY THAT SHIT OFF. 399 00:18:45,300 --> 00:18:47,930 "BABY, THAT'S ME. "YOU KNOW I DON'T NEED NO $48. 400 00:18:50,567 --> 00:18:53,197 "BIG DADDY. WHAT THE FUCK I'M GONNA DO WITH $48? 401 00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:54,200 THIS IS ME." 402 00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:55,730 YOU GOTTA GIVE HER A TYLENOL PM 403 00:18:55,734 --> 00:18:59,034 TO STEAL YOUR OWN GODDAMN CHANGE BACK. 404 00:18:59,033 --> 00:19:00,833 THAT'S WHY I DON'T EVEN FUCK WITH YOUNG GIRLS NO MORE. 405 00:19:00,834 --> 00:19:03,804 I FUCK WITH OLD LADIES. OLD. 406 00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:05,600 BUT YOU GOTTA--YOU GOTTA WATCH THEM, TOO, 407 00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:06,770 'CAUSE SOME OF THEM BE SILLY AND SAY-- 408 00:19:06,767 --> 00:19:10,597 OH, I HAD THE ORIGINAL STELLA. OLD. 409 00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:11,800 I HAD TO GET RID OF HER OLD ASS. 410 00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:13,630 YOU KNOW, SHE'S 68. STILL PLAYING GAMES. 411 00:19:13,633 --> 00:19:14,633 WHAT KIND OF SHIT IS THIS? 412 00:19:17,367 --> 00:19:19,567 I'M READING THE BIBLE, PHONE NUMBER FALL OUT. 413 00:19:19,567 --> 00:19:20,567 SEE, THIS... 414 00:19:30,233 --> 00:19:32,273 SO NOW I GOT TO GO WAKE HER OLD ASS UP. 415 00:19:32,266 --> 00:19:33,926 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? IT'S 3:00 IN THE AFTERNOON. 416 00:19:33,934 --> 00:19:35,334 SHE DONE WENT TO BED FOR THE NIGHT. 417 00:19:35,333 --> 00:19:36,333 YOU KNOW? 418 00:19:37,533 --> 00:19:40,473 HER DAY IS OVER. SHE THROUGH. 419 00:19:40,467 --> 00:19:42,067 SHE HAD DINNER AT 12:30. 420 00:19:42,066 --> 00:19:44,566 SHE GONE TO BED. 421 00:19:44,567 --> 00:19:46,127 BUT I DONE FOUND THIS PHONE NUMBER 422 00:19:46,133 --> 00:19:47,673 SO I AIN'T TRYING TO HEAR THIS BULLSHIT. 423 00:19:47,667 --> 00:19:49,067 I'M GONNA KNOCK ON THE DOOR. 424 00:19:49,066 --> 00:19:50,426 "HATTIE MAY, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU, HATTIE. 425 00:19:54,500 --> 00:19:57,700 HATTIE MAY, I NEED TO HOLLA AT YOU NOW." 426 00:19:57,900 --> 00:19:58,930 SHE GONNA GET MAD. 427 00:19:58,934 --> 00:20:03,974 "WHAT COULD IT POSSIBLY BE AT THIS HOUR?" 428 00:20:04,166 --> 00:20:05,496 "DON'T WANT TO HEAR THAT BULLSHIT. 429 00:20:05,500 --> 00:20:06,630 WHO THE FUCK IS CEPHUS, HATTIE?" 430 00:20:09,133 --> 00:20:10,873 TALKING ABOUT SOME OLD NIGGA SHE MET IN DIALYSIS. 431 00:20:10,867 --> 00:20:14,527 I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS BULLSHIT. 432 00:20:14,533 --> 00:20:17,033 WHEN YOU MAKE LOVE TO AN OLD LADY, YOU GOT TO BE FOCUSED, 433 00:20:17,033 --> 00:20:19,903 'CAUSE YOU GONNA HEAR SOME SHIT YOU JUST AIN'T PREPARED FOR. 434 00:20:19,900 --> 00:20:23,370 YOU JUST--SEE, A YOUNG GIRL-- I GIVE Y'ALL CREDIT. 435 00:20:23,367 --> 00:20:24,527 THAT MOAN IS SEXY. 436 00:20:24,533 --> 00:20:25,773 THAT SHIT IS STIMULATING. 437 00:20:25,767 --> 00:20:27,167 IT KEEP THE MAN IN THE GAME. 438 00:20:27,166 --> 00:20:29,496 YOU KNOW, YOU BE HITTING A YOUNG GIRL, SHE BE "OH. 439 00:20:29,500 --> 00:20:31,830 "OOH, SHIT. 440 00:20:31,834 --> 00:20:33,304 "OH, BIG BABY, I DIDN'T KNOW. 441 00:20:33,300 --> 00:20:36,900 "I DIDN'T KNOW. OH. 442 00:20:36,900 --> 00:20:38,530 "OH, THIS DICK IS A MYSTERY. 443 00:20:38,533 --> 00:20:44,203 I DIDN'T KNOW. OH." 444 00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:45,430 AND YOU CAN DEAL WITH THAT, 445 00:20:45,433 --> 00:20:46,873 BUT YOU HITTING AN OLD LADY FROM THE BACK, 446 00:20:46,867 --> 00:20:47,997 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, YOU GOT TO FOCUS. 447 00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:50,030 YOU HITTING IT AND SHE "HOT OH MIGHTY DAMN." 448 00:20:50,033 --> 00:20:51,033 "WHAT?" 449 00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:56,070 "HAVE MERCY ON THIS PUSSY. HAVE MERCY ON THIS PUSSY." 450 00:20:58,300 --> 00:20:59,470 CAN'T THINK OF YOUR NAME. 451 00:20:59,467 --> 00:21:02,027 NOW YOU GOTTA BE URA ALL NIGHT. 452 00:21:02,033 --> 00:21:04,773 WHO THE FUCK IS URA? 453 00:21:04,767 --> 00:21:10,597 "HIT THIS PUSSY, URA. URA. 454 00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:11,900 "HOT OH MIGHTY DAMN. 455 00:21:11,900 --> 00:21:13,700 URA. URA." 456 00:21:14,934 --> 00:21:16,474 OF COURSE, HATTIE MAY HAD PARKINSON'S, 457 00:21:16,467 --> 00:21:18,327 SO I AIN'T NEVER REALLY KNOW WHEN SHE WAS IN THE MOOD. 458 00:21:18,333 --> 00:21:19,533 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 459 00:21:19,533 --> 00:21:20,533 SHE HAD PARKINSON'S. I COME IN. 460 00:21:20,533 --> 00:21:21,533 "HATTIE, YOU WANNA FUCK AROUND?" 461 00:21:21,533 --> 00:21:22,703 SHE SAID [INDISTINCT]. 462 00:21:25,734 --> 00:21:26,934 HEY, I'M BIG ROME, MAN. 463 00:21:26,934 --> 00:21:28,604 THIS SHOW GOES OUT TO TINA. 464 00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:30,530 TINA GREEN. I LOVE YOU, BABY. 465 00:21:30,533 --> 00:21:32,533 [APPLAUSE AND CHEERING] 466 00:21:41,867 --> 00:21:43,667 - BOY, THESE MOTHERFUCKERS TICKLE ME. 467 00:21:43,667 --> 00:21:44,667 GODDAMN. 468 00:21:46,166 --> 00:21:47,296 URA. 469 00:21:51,300 --> 00:21:53,370 OLD FOLK WILL FUCK A LANGUAGE UP, WON'T THEY? 470 00:21:53,367 --> 00:21:54,827 "RETCH AROUND. 471 00:21:57,066 --> 00:21:58,566 "I'M NAWSHA"? 472 00:21:58,567 --> 00:22:01,467 WHAT THE FUCK IS NAWSHA? 473 00:22:01,467 --> 00:22:03,067 OH, MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS. ALL RIGHT. 474 00:22:03,066 --> 00:22:04,966 HIS PERFORMANCE LAST SEASON ON "DEF JAM" 475 00:22:04,967 --> 00:22:06,767 HAD EVERYBODY ROLLING IN THE AISLES, 476 00:22:06,767 --> 00:22:09,027 BUT HE'S BACK WITH MORE NONSTOP COMEDY. 477 00:22:09,033 --> 00:22:11,533 FROM DETROIT, MY MAN TONY ROBERTS. 478 00:22:11,533 --> 00:22:13,533 [APPLAUSE AND CHEERING] 479 00:22:22,734 --> 00:22:23,904 - WHAT'S UP, FUCKERS? 480 00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:27,000 THAT'S WHAT THEY DOING NOW. 481 00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:32,700 THEY KRUMPING, MOTHERFUCKER. AH. 482 00:22:32,700 --> 00:22:34,430 I DO THIS SHIT FOR 12 RECORDS. 483 00:22:36,100 --> 00:22:37,930 MY GIRL SAY, "WHY DON'T YOU DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT?" 484 00:22:37,934 --> 00:22:38,934 FUCK IT. 485 00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:41,730 THIS WHAT YOU WANT, BITCH? IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT? 486 00:22:45,734 --> 00:22:47,274 WHAT'S UP, BIG MAN? HOW YOU DOING? 487 00:22:47,266 --> 00:22:49,666 GOT THE GLASSES ON. LOOK SMART AS SHIT. 488 00:22:49,667 --> 00:22:52,497 LIKE YOU BE FUCKING ON THE INTERNET. 489 00:22:52,500 --> 00:22:54,130 "I'M FUCKING YOU FROM THE BACK AND YOU LOVING IT. 490 00:22:54,133 --> 00:22:56,103 SEND." 491 00:23:06,300 --> 00:23:07,700 THAT'S A BIG NIGGA THERE. 492 00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:12,770 IT'S HARD TO HAVE SEX NOW. 493 00:23:12,767 --> 00:23:13,767 A CONDOM AIN'T ENOUGH. 494 00:23:13,767 --> 00:23:15,427 THEY GETTING SHIT THROUGH THE CONDOM. 495 00:23:15,433 --> 00:23:17,933 I WANT--I WANT MUCH PROTECTION. 496 00:23:17,934 --> 00:23:20,674 I COME IN YOUR ROOM WITH AN ATTACK DOG SUIT ON. 497 00:23:20,667 --> 00:23:21,797 YOU READY, BITCH? 498 00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:23,870 AH. AH. 499 00:23:25,266 --> 00:23:26,966 DO THAT SHIT, NIGGA. 500 00:23:26,967 --> 00:23:28,897 WHERE YOUR GIRL AT? 501 00:23:28,900 --> 00:23:30,830 WHERE YOUR WOMAN AT? 502 00:23:30,834 --> 00:23:32,604 TREAT HER RIGHT, BUT DON'T SPOIL HER. 503 00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:34,300 MY GIRL TALKING ABOUT, "TONY, I WANT BREAKFAST IN BED." 504 00:23:34,300 --> 00:23:35,570 I SAID, "BITCH, YOU BETTER SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN. 505 00:23:37,734 --> 00:23:40,634 "YOU OUT YOU FUCKING MIND? 506 00:23:40,633 --> 00:23:42,203 THAT'S WHERE THE PANCAKES GONNA BE, BITCH." 507 00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:46,070 I AIN'T NO GODDAMN GENTLEMAN. 508 00:23:50,100 --> 00:23:51,530 I TOOK A BIG GIRL OUT TO EAT. 509 00:23:51,533 --> 00:23:53,573 WE LOOKED AT THE MENU. SHE SAID, "GIVE ME PAGE 2." 510 00:23:55,500 --> 00:23:58,400 I SAID, "GIVE ME THE LEMONS WITH THE WATER. 511 00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:02,830 I AIN'T GOT NO MORE MONEY AFTER THIS BITCH." 512 00:24:02,834 --> 00:24:05,704 I LOVE BIG WOMEN 'CAUSE YOU GOT TITTIES. 513 00:24:05,700 --> 00:24:07,970 I'M A TITTY MAN. I LOVE TITTIES. 514 00:24:07,967 --> 00:24:10,027 THEY AIN'T GOTTA BE BIG. THEY AIN'T GOTTA BE BIG. 515 00:24:10,033 --> 00:24:12,103 THEY GOTTA BE THERE. 516 00:24:12,100 --> 00:24:14,270 YOU EVER HAD A GIRL WALK TO YOUR BED NAKED WITH NO TITTIES. 517 00:24:14,266 --> 00:24:15,226 LOOK LIKE YOUR NEPHEW. 518 00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:19,700 "WHO THE FUCK TOLD YOU YOU COULD COME OVER HERE?" 519 00:24:19,700 --> 00:24:21,170 SHE BE CONFUSED. "WHO YOU TALKING TO?" 520 00:24:21,166 --> 00:24:23,126 "MY SISTER SON. THAT'S WHO THE FUCK I'M TAKING TO." 521 00:24:26,767 --> 00:24:29,297 IT'S THE GIRLS WITH THE LITTLE TITTIES--Y'ALL KNOW WHO YOU ARE. 522 00:24:29,300 --> 00:24:30,700 YOU WANT THEM TO SUCK 'EM FIRST. 523 00:24:30,700 --> 00:24:31,830 FORGET THE FOREPLAY. 524 00:24:31,834 --> 00:24:36,134 "SUCK THESE FIRST. TURN ME ON." 525 00:24:36,133 --> 00:24:37,133 YOU TRYING TO SUCK THEY TITTIES 526 00:24:37,133 --> 00:24:38,673 LIKE TRYING TO PULL A NAIL OUT THE WALL. 527 00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:43,930 MY NOSE 'BOUT TO BLEED. 528 00:24:45,433 --> 00:24:51,673 TURN OVER. I'M GONNA SUCK YOUR SHOULDER BLADES. 529 00:24:51,667 --> 00:24:58,497 TURN OVER. I'M GONNA SUCK YOUR SHOULDER BLADES. 530 00:24:58,700 --> 00:25:02,000 WOO! YOU MOTHERFUCKERS CRAZY. 531 00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:04,430 I GOTTA GO TO CHURCH WITH MY GRANDMOTHER THIS SUNDAY. 532 00:25:04,433 --> 00:25:05,703 I'M GETTING READY TO GO TO A BAPTIST CHURCH. 533 00:25:05,700 --> 00:25:07,000 WHO GOES TO BAPTIST CHURCH? 534 00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:08,770 I'M TALKING ABOUT THE REAL BAPTIST CHURCH. 535 00:25:08,767 --> 00:25:10,567 WHITE PEOPLE, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING. 536 00:25:10,567 --> 00:25:11,967 THIS'LL BE A LESSON YOU NEED TO KNOW 537 00:25:11,967 --> 00:25:14,797 IF YOU EVER GO TO A BAPTIST CHURCH, A REAL BAPTIST CHURCH. 538 00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:18,130 IF YOU NEXT TO SOMEBODY AND THEY GET TO SHAKING, MOVE. 539 00:25:18,133 --> 00:25:20,433 THEY ABOUT TO KNOCK YO TOOTH OUT. 540 00:25:20,433 --> 00:25:22,303 WE DON'T PRAISE GOD. WE WHOOP ASS. 541 00:25:22,300 --> 00:25:26,630 "JESUS! JESUS!" 542 00:25:29,700 --> 00:25:31,570 JESUS BE IN THERE LIKE THIS. "OH, HERE THEY GO AGAIN." 543 00:25:34,567 --> 00:25:38,227 HER PASTOR GOT SO HAPPY HE SAID "NIGGA" IN THE PULPIT. 544 00:25:38,233 --> 00:25:41,533 SAID, "GOD CAME DOWN IN MAN'S FORM AS JESUS CHRIST. 545 00:25:41,533 --> 00:25:42,733 "WHAT'S THE NIGGA NAME THAT WAS WITH HIM? 546 00:25:42,734 --> 00:25:50,734 UH, WHAT'S THAT NIGGA--PETER! PETER!" 547 00:25:50,734 --> 00:25:52,304 TELL YOU WHAT I'M SICK OF. 548 00:25:52,300 --> 00:25:53,500 THIS GODDAMN CAREER TAKING TOO GODDAMN LONG. 549 00:25:55,633 --> 00:25:57,173 I GOTTA GET RICH QUICK PLAN. 550 00:25:57,166 --> 00:25:58,266 I BE DOING MY RESEARCH. 551 00:25:58,266 --> 00:25:59,766 LISTENING TO SOME RAP. 552 00:25:59,767 --> 00:26:02,297 THEY MAKING A MILLION DOLLARS OFF OF NOTHING. 553 00:26:02,300 --> 00:26:03,630 A GOOD BEAT, YOU GOT A MILLION DOLLARS. 554 00:26:03,633 --> 00:26:04,673 THE WORDS DON'T MEAN SHIT. 555 00:26:06,100 --> 00:26:07,830 I GOT A SONG CALLED "BITCH, WHERE YOU BEEN?" 556 00:26:10,233 --> 00:26:11,233 YOU THINK I'M BULLSHITTING? 557 00:26:11,233 --> 00:26:12,473 DJ. KID, GIVE ME SOMETHING. 558 00:26:12,467 --> 00:26:15,927 GIVE ME THAT-- - ♪ [INDISTINCT] ♪ 559 00:26:15,934 --> 00:26:17,004 - OH, SHIT. 560 00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:18,130 IT'S ABOUT TO GET UGLY IN THIS BITCH. 561 00:26:19,433 --> 00:26:21,173 I AIN'T GOT NO MC NAME OR NOTHING. 562 00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:27,070 ♪ BITCH, WHERE YOU BEEN, BITCH? ♪ 563 00:26:27,066 --> 00:26:28,896 ♪ WHERE YOU BEEN, BITCH? WHERE YOU BEEN? ♪ 564 00:26:28,900 --> 00:26:31,900 ♪ WHERE YOU BEEN, BITCH? WHERE YOU BEEN, BITCH? ♪ 565 00:26:31,900 --> 00:26:34,600 ♪ BITCH, WHERE YOU BEEN? BITCH, WHERE YOU BEEN? ♪ 566 00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:35,700 ♪ BITCH, WHERE YOU BEEN? ♪ 567 00:26:35,700 --> 00:26:37,570 ♪ I SAY, BITCH, WHERE YOU BEEN, BITCH? ♪ 568 00:26:37,567 --> 00:26:38,597 ♪ WHERE YOU BEEN, BITCH? ♪ 569 00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:44,100 ♪ I CALLED YOUR MOMMA HOUSE I CALLED YOUR JOB, TOO ♪ 570 00:26:44,100 --> 00:26:46,570 ♪ I CALLED YOUR GIRLFRIEND BITCH, SHE AIN'T SEEN YOU ♪ 571 00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:49,370 ♪ BITCH, WHERE YOU BEEN? ♪ 572 00:26:49,367 --> 00:26:51,467 ♪ BITCH, WHERE YOU BEEN? BITCH, WHERE YOU BEEN? ♪ 573 00:26:51,467 --> 00:26:53,467 ♪ I SAY, BITCH, WHERE YOU BEEN, BITCH? ♪ 574 00:26:53,467 --> 00:26:55,427 ♪ WHERE YOU BEEN, BITCH? ♪ 575 00:26:55,433 --> 00:26:56,403 ♪ WHERE YOU... ♪ 576 00:26:59,834 --> 00:27:01,334 ♪ BITCH, HOW YOU AT THE GYM ♪ 577 00:27:01,333 --> 00:27:04,003 ♪ ON THE TREADMILL DOING CARDIO? ♪ 578 00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:07,830 ♪ BITCH, YOU WEARING HEELS WHERE YOU BEEN? ♪ 579 00:27:07,834 --> 00:27:09,934 ♪ WHERE YOU BEEN, BITCH? BITCH, WHERE YOU BEEN? ♪ 580 00:27:09,934 --> 00:27:12,574 ♪ WHERE YOU BEEN, BITCH? BITCH, WHERE YOU BEEN? ♪ 581 00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:18,370 ♪ I CRASHED A NAIL SHOP THEY LOOKED AT ME IN FEAR ♪ 582 00:27:18,367 --> 00:27:21,797 ♪ THE CHINESE LADY GOT MAD AND TOLD ME "SHE NO HERE" ♪ 583 00:27:21,800 --> 00:27:23,470 I GOTTA GO. I'M TONY ROBERTS. I LOVE Y'ALL. 584 00:27:23,467 --> 00:27:25,427 - ♪ [INDISTINCT] ♪ [APPLAUSE AND CHEERING] 585 00:27:40,266 --> 00:27:42,426 - LET ME ASK Y'ALL SOMETHING. Y'ALL DONE HAD A GOOD TIME? 586 00:27:42,433 --> 00:27:44,103 [CROWD CHEERING] 587 00:27:44,100 --> 00:27:46,630 AND THE MAN WHO MADE THIS ALL POSSIBLE. 588 00:27:46,633 --> 00:27:48,833 PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR RUSSELL SIMMONS. 589 00:27:48,834 --> 00:27:50,834 [APPLAUSE AND CHEERING] 590 00:27:52,233 --> 00:27:53,233 - THANK YOU FOR COMING OUT. 591 00:27:53,233 --> 00:27:54,233 GOD BLESS YOU. GOOD NIGHT. 592 00:27:54,233 --> 00:27:56,203 [CROWD CHEERING] 593 00:27:58,834 --> 00:27:59,834 - ♪ KID CAPRI ♪ 594 00:28:02,333 --> 00:28:04,403 ♪ KID, KID, KID, KID CAPRI ♪ 595 00:28:05,333 --> 00:28:06,933 ♪ KID, KID, KID, KID ♪ 596 00:28:08,467 --> 00:28:09,467 ♪ KID CAPRI ♪ 597 00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:19,000 ♪ KID, KID, KID, KID, KID CAPRI ♪ 598 00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:22,030 CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY HOME BOX OFFICE, INC. 599 00:28:22,033 --> 00:28:25,003 CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE -www.ncicap.org-- 600 00:28:25,053 --> 00:28:29,603 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 45198

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