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1
00:00:12,700 --> 00:00:19,400
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
HOME BOX OFFICE, INC.
2
00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:20,500
- YO, FELLA.
YO.
3
00:00:20,500 --> 00:00:21,970
IF YOU GONNA TALK DIRTY
TO YOUR WOMAN,
4
00:00:22,166 --> 00:00:24,726
YOU'VE GOT TO TALK
WITH AUTHORITY.
5
00:00:24,734 --> 00:00:27,774
YOU CAN GET A WOMAN TO DO
ANY NASTY LITTLE THING YOU WANT
6
00:00:27,767 --> 00:00:29,367
IF YOU SAY THAT SHIT LIKE A MAN.
7
00:00:29,367 --> 00:00:31,267
YOU MAKE A LITTLE EYE CONTACT.
LOOK IN HER EYE.
8
00:00:31,266 --> 00:00:32,226
"COME HERE.
COME HERE.
9
00:00:32,233 --> 00:00:34,033
YOU GONNA DO THIS SHIT."
10
00:00:34,033 --> 00:00:35,973
SHE'LL DO IT.
11
00:00:35,967 --> 00:00:38,397
ANYTHING YOU MUMBLE
AIN'T GETTING DONE
12
00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:40,500
'CAUSE YOU CAN'T BE IN BED
ALL UNSURE LIKE,
13
00:00:40,500 --> 00:00:45,130
"EXCUSE ME.
EXCUSE ME.
14
00:00:45,133 --> 00:00:47,033
COULD YOU LICK MY BALLS?"
15
00:00:47,033 --> 00:00:50,273
"HUH? HUH?
16
00:00:50,266 --> 00:00:52,666
"I AIN'T LICKING NOTHING.
17
00:00:52,667 --> 00:00:55,197
LICK YOUR OWN BALLS."
18
00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:56,670
SEE, IF YOU'D HAVE
SAID IT RIGHT,
19
00:00:56,667 --> 00:00:58,127
YOU'D HAVE BEEN IN THERE.
20
00:00:58,133 --> 00:00:59,733
NOW YOU GOT DRY BALLS.
21
00:01:04,934 --> 00:01:08,004
- IT'S "THE RUSSELL SIMMONS
DEF COMEDY JAM"
22
00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:10,770
WITH YOUR HOST, D.L. HUGHLEY.
23
00:01:12,734 --> 00:01:18,404
TONIGHT'S GUESTS:
SMOKEY, TIFFANY HADDISH,
24
00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:21,970
BIG ROME, AND TONY ROBERTS.
25
00:01:23,367 --> 00:01:28,127
I AM YOUR MAN, THE WORLD'S
GREATEST DJ, THE KID CAPRI,
26
00:01:28,133 --> 00:01:30,473
AND THIS IS COMEDY AT ITS BEST.
27
00:01:30,467 --> 00:01:34,897
LET'S GET IT ON WITH YOUR HOST,
D.L. HUGHLEY.
28
00:01:34,900 --> 00:01:36,900
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
29
00:01:38,900 --> 00:01:39,970
- HEY, YO.
30
00:01:39,967 --> 00:01:44,097
ONE MORE TIME
FOR MY MAN, KID CAPRI.
31
00:01:44,100 --> 00:01:47,130
ALL RIGHT.
LOOK AT ALL WE GOT.
32
00:01:47,333 --> 00:01:48,503
LOOK AT THAT.
33
00:01:48,500 --> 00:01:50,170
IT'S WHITE PEOPLE OUT HERE, TOO,
YOU KNOW?
34
00:01:50,166 --> 00:01:55,766
Y'ALL BETTER LEAVE EARLY
IS ALL I'M SAYING.
35
00:01:55,767 --> 00:01:57,427
BLACK PEOPLE AIN'T GONNA BE
BROKE ON THE WEEKEND.
36
00:01:57,433 --> 00:02:01,033
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
OH, I'LL SHOW YOU.
37
00:02:01,033 --> 00:02:02,803
THEY'RE SITTING THERE LIKE--
WHITE BOY AIN'T EVEN SCARED OF THE POLICE.
38
00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:04,570
THEY'LL TALK SHIT TO HIM.
YOU EVER SEE 'EM DO IT?
39
00:02:04,567 --> 00:02:08,497
"HURRY UP AND WRITE THE GODDAMN
TICKET, YOU SON OF A BITCH.
40
00:02:08,500 --> 00:02:10,430
"FUCKING PIG.
41
00:02:10,433 --> 00:02:13,633
"ALL THIS CRIME GOING ON
AND YOU'RE FUCKING WITH ME?
42
00:02:13,633 --> 00:02:14,673
"THERE'S A BLACK GUY
RIGHT THERE.
43
00:02:14,667 --> 00:02:17,297
"YOU KNOW HE'S DONE SOMETHING.
44
00:02:17,300 --> 00:02:18,770
GIVE ME A BADGE NUMBER,
ASSHOLE."
45
00:02:18,767 --> 00:02:20,097
THAT SHIT DON'T WORK FOR US.
46
00:02:20,100 --> 00:02:25,770
"GIVE ME YOUR--" AND I'M
SO TIRED OF THE FUCKING NEWS.
47
00:02:25,767 --> 00:02:29,997
IF I SEE BRITNEY SPEARS
OR FUCKING--GODDAMN.
48
00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:31,200
DAMN, PARIS HILTON.
49
00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:33,630
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FUCK
SHE FAMOUS FOR.
50
00:02:33,633 --> 00:02:35,033
'CAUSE HER MOM AND DADDY
OWN HOTELS?
51
00:02:35,033 --> 00:02:36,073
YOU DON'T SEE
THE RAMADA BITCHES.
52
00:02:36,066 --> 00:02:37,166
YOU EVER SEE THEM ON TV?
53
00:02:41,133 --> 00:02:42,603
ALL RIGHT.
54
00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:44,200
YOU DON'T SEE THEM MOTEL 6 HOES.
55
00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:48,670
THEY AIN'T NEVER ON TV.
YOU SEE THEM?
56
00:02:48,667 --> 00:02:50,527
TIME I TURN AROUND
SOME FUCKING--
57
00:02:53,100 --> 00:02:55,100
ALL KIND OF SHIT GOING ON, MAN.
58
00:02:55,100 --> 00:02:56,900
REMEMBER THE FEMALE ASTRONAUT,
THE ONE FROM TEXAS?
59
00:02:56,900 --> 00:02:58,800
SHE FOUND OUT HER MAN
WAS FUCKING AROUND
60
00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:02,470
SO SHE DROVE
FROM TEXAS TO FLORIDA WITH A FUCKING DIAPER ON
61
00:03:02,467 --> 00:03:05,597
'CAUSE SHE DIDN'T HAVE TIME
TO STOP AND SHIT.
62
00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:07,830
BUT I WANT TO KNOW
WHAT CAR YOU KNOW GO 900 MILES
63
00:03:07,834 --> 00:03:10,174
WITHOUT STOPPING FOR GAS?
64
00:03:10,166 --> 00:03:12,496
SO YOU'LL STOP FOR GAS, BUT
YOU'LL JUST SHIT ON YOURSELF.
65
00:03:12,500 --> 00:03:13,900
WHAT IS THAT?
66
00:03:13,900 --> 00:03:14,930
"MA'AM, CAN I HELP YOU?"
67
00:03:14,934 --> 00:03:16,474
"NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT."
68
00:03:20,500 --> 00:03:22,100
STAR JONES IS IN THE NEWS.
69
00:03:22,100 --> 00:03:25,100
STAR JONES DISCLOSED THAT SHE
HAD THE GASTRIC BYPASS SURGERY.
70
00:03:25,100 --> 00:03:26,170
I WAS SHOCKED.
71
00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:30,530
I THOUGHT SHE WAS WORKING OUT.
72
00:03:30,533 --> 00:03:32,403
SHE ONE OF THEM WOMEN
THAT LOOK BETTER BIGGER.
73
00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:34,830
DON'T SHE?
SHE LOOK BETTER BIGGER.
74
00:03:34,834 --> 00:03:38,634
NOW SHE LOOK DEFLATED
LIKE A PINATA
75
00:03:38,633 --> 00:03:39,973
WITH ALL THE CANDY
BEAT OUT OF HER.
76
00:03:39,967 --> 00:03:40,967
DON'T SHE JUST...
77
00:03:43,900 --> 00:03:48,300
ALL RIGHT, THIS NEXT CAT IS
HARLEM-BORN AND HOLLYWOOD-BOUND.
78
00:03:48,300 --> 00:03:49,800
GET UP FOR MY MAN SMOKEY.
79
00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:51,800
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
80
00:03:55,033 --> 00:03:57,133
- WHAT'S UP, Y'ALL?
MAKE SOME NOISE.
81
00:03:57,133 --> 00:03:59,333
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
82
00:03:59,333 --> 00:04:01,003
GIVE IT UP
FOR YOURSELVES, LADIES.
83
00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:01,970
YOU LOOK GOOD.
84
00:04:01,967 --> 00:04:02,997
YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
85
00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:04,700
IF YOU LOOK GOOD,
CLAP YOUR HANDS.
86
00:04:04,700 --> 00:04:07,400
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
87
00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:11,100
IF YOU LOOK ALL RIGHT,
SNAP YOUR FINGERS.
88
00:04:11,100 --> 00:04:15,430
UGLY BITCHES IN THE BACK LIKE,
89
00:04:15,433 --> 00:04:17,073
"YOU KNOW, I'M TRYING
TO GET MY SHIT TOGETHER.
90
00:04:19,900 --> 00:04:21,270
I'M IN SCHOOL NOW."
91
00:04:23,834 --> 00:04:25,204
WOMEN WITH LONG TITTIES,
92
00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:26,830
IF YOUR TITTIES AIN'T GOT
NO MORE DEFINITION,
93
00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:29,634
DON'T BE DANCING IN THE CLUBS.
94
00:04:29,633 --> 00:04:31,333
YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
YOU IN THE CLUB DANCING.
95
00:04:31,333 --> 00:04:41,603
YOUR TITTIES
HITTING YOU IN YOUR BACK.
96
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:43,470
"THESE BITCHES
KEEP BUMPING INTO ME.
97
00:04:43,467 --> 00:04:44,467
THEY HATING."
98
00:04:48,133 --> 00:04:52,433
LIKE, NO, BITCH.
YOU BUMPING INTO YOURSELF.
99
00:04:52,433 --> 00:04:53,773
THAT'S YOU.
100
00:04:55,533 --> 00:04:57,533
BIG WOMEN WITH TOE RINGS,
IF YOUR TOE THIS BIG,
101
00:04:57,533 --> 00:04:59,873
THAT'S NOT A TOE RING.
102
00:04:59,867 --> 00:05:00,897
THAT'S A BRACELET.
103
00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:04,400
"BABY, HOW YOU THINK THIS LOOK?"
104
00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:05,970
THAT SHIT COULD FIT
AROUND MY NECK.
105
00:05:10,033 --> 00:05:11,203
MEN, WE'VE MESSED UP TOO.
106
00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:12,670
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK
WE LAUGH FOR.
107
00:05:12,667 --> 00:05:14,897
MAN, WE MESSED UP TOO.
YEAH, LADIES.
108
00:05:14,900 --> 00:05:18,600
THERE'S NIGGAS IN HERE RIGHT NOW
THAT'S NOT EVEN CIRCUMCISED.
109
00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:23,030
YEAH. LOOK AT HIM.
DICK LOOK LIKE AN ANTEATER.
110
00:05:23,033 --> 00:05:25,303
THIS NIGGA DICK LOOK LIKE
HE GOT A CHAMPION HOODIE.
111
00:05:30,266 --> 00:05:32,366
THIS NIGGA DICK GOT ASTHMA.
112
00:05:36,433 --> 00:05:38,373
THAT'S THE NIGGA ALWAYS
WANTS SOME HEAD, TOO.
113
00:05:38,367 --> 00:05:40,367
"SUCK IT. SUCK."
114
00:05:43,934 --> 00:05:47,704
"GET THAT SHIT
OUT MY FACE, SHARON.
115
00:05:47,700 --> 00:05:50,330
FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, SHARON?"
116
00:05:50,333 --> 00:05:52,073
YOU CAN'T GET NOBODY
TO SUCK THAT DICK.
117
00:05:52,066 --> 00:05:54,366
A CRACKHEAD WON'T EVEN
SUCK THAT DICK, RIGHT?
118
00:05:54,367 --> 00:05:56,627
CRACKHEAD BE LOOKING
AT YOUR ASS LIKE...
119
00:06:02,834 --> 00:06:04,104
"I DON'T GET HIGH NO MORE.
120
00:06:04,100 --> 00:06:10,300
[INDISTINCT] NO,
I'LL GET HIGH TOMORROW."
121
00:06:13,967 --> 00:06:15,727
EVERYBODY GOT A CRACKHEAD
IN THEY FAMILY.
122
00:06:15,734 --> 00:06:17,534
KEEP IT REAL.
123
00:06:17,533 --> 00:06:19,973
DON'T BE ASHAMED.
DON'T BE EMBARRASSED.
124
00:06:19,967 --> 00:06:23,597
THIS IS NOT A COMEDY SHOW.
THIS IS A MEETING.
125
00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:25,330
YOU GOTTA LOVE YOUR CRACKHEAD
FAMILY MEMBER, THOUGH.
126
00:06:25,333 --> 00:06:28,233
YOU CAN'T LET HIM IN YOUR HOUSE,
THOUGH, 'CAUSE THEY STEAL.
127
00:06:28,233 --> 00:06:29,733
RIGHT? THEY STEAL
LITTLE SHIT, TOO.
128
00:06:29,734 --> 00:06:34,104
SHIT YOU DON'T EVEN NOTICE,
LIKE A HOT WATER KNOB.
129
00:06:34,100 --> 00:06:35,100
YOU GO TAKE A SHOWER.
130
00:06:35,100 --> 00:06:39,900
"WHO THE FUCK STOLE
THE HOT WATER KNOB?"
131
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:42,630
[INDISTINCT] A HOT WATER KNOB
[INDISTINCT].
132
00:06:46,333 --> 00:06:47,973
CRACKHEADS ARE THE FASTEST
CREATURES ON EARTH.
133
00:06:47,967 --> 00:06:48,967
YOU EVER SEEN A CRACKHEAD?
134
00:06:51,066 --> 00:06:53,926
LOOK ON DISCOVERY CHANNEL,
YOU SEE THE CRACKHEAD PASSING THE CHEETAH.
135
00:07:01,867 --> 00:07:03,797
I'M STUPID.
136
00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:06,570
MY AUNT IS A CRACKHEAD
TO THE FIFTH POWER.
137
00:07:06,567 --> 00:07:08,197
YOU CAN'T EVEN SLEEP
AROUND THIS BITCH.
138
00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:09,670
THIS BITCH'LL STEAL YOUR DREAMS.
139
00:07:11,333 --> 00:07:16,633
"I GOT DREAMS FOR SALE. $5.
I GOT 2 POCONOS AND A BERMUDA."
140
00:07:19,433 --> 00:07:21,033
CRACKHEADS CREATE SHIT, TOO.
141
00:07:21,033 --> 00:07:22,933
PEOPLE THINK CRACKHEADS
DON'T CREATE SHIT.
142
00:07:22,934 --> 00:07:25,834
THEY AIN'T CREATIVE.
THEY CREATE SHIT, TOO.
143
00:07:25,834 --> 00:07:29,434
LOOK AT THE DANCES WE GOT.
THE HARLEM SHAKE.
144
00:07:29,633 --> 00:07:31,633
Y'ALL THINK THAT'S
A REGULAR DANCE.
145
00:07:31,633 --> 00:07:33,533
I LIVE IN HARLEM.
146
00:07:33,533 --> 00:07:47,503
THE FIRST CRACKHEAD
DID THAT SHIT, HE WAS LIKE...
147
00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:58,270
THE FIRST CRACKHEAD
DID THAT SHIT, HE WAS LIKE...
148
00:07:58,266 --> 00:08:05,326
THE FIRST CRACKHEAD
DID THAT SHIT, HE WAS LIKE...
149
00:08:05,333 --> 00:08:06,533
"LET ME GET 2 MORE."
150
00:08:08,133 --> 00:08:09,133
YEAH, THAT'S MY TIME.
151
00:08:09,133 --> 00:08:11,133
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
152
00:08:16,567 --> 00:08:18,397
- NOTHING LIKE THAT
CRACKHEAD HUMOR.
153
00:08:20,266 --> 00:08:21,426
ALL RIGHT, THIS NEXT YOUNG LADY
154
00:08:21,433 --> 00:08:23,833
IS A GRADUATE OF
THE LAUGH FACTORY COMEDY CAMP.
155
00:08:23,834 --> 00:08:26,534
FROM SOUTH CENTRAL,
PLEASE PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER
156
00:08:26,533 --> 00:08:27,833
FOR TIFFANY HADDISH.
157
00:08:27,834 --> 00:08:29,834
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
158
00:08:42,333 --> 00:08:44,403
- HEY.
HOW Y'ALL DOING?
159
00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:45,800
[CROWD CHEERING]
160
00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:47,330
I'M FEELING REAL GOOD TONIGHT.
161
00:08:47,333 --> 00:08:48,333
I'M FEELING REAL GOOD.
162
00:08:48,333 --> 00:08:50,703
ANYBODY HERE FROM THE SOUTH?
163
00:08:50,700 --> 00:08:51,900
YEAH.
YEAH.
164
00:08:51,900 --> 00:08:52,900
ME, TOO.
ME, TOO.
165
00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:54,370
SOUTH CENTRAL LOS ANGELES.
166
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:56,597
54th AND WEST. BABY.
167
00:08:56,600 --> 00:08:57,770
OH, YEAH.
168
00:08:57,767 --> 00:08:59,367
WHAT THAT DO, BOO BOO?
169
00:08:59,367 --> 00:09:01,767
I'M KEEPING IT GANGSTER.
GOT THIS WHOLE OUTFIT.
170
00:09:01,767 --> 00:09:03,267
I BEEN SHOPPING
AND SHIT ALL DAY.
171
00:09:03,266 --> 00:09:06,626
I GOT THIS WHOLE OUTFIT FROM
THE SLAUSON SWAP MEET AND SHIT.
172
00:09:06,633 --> 00:09:08,403
I'M FEELING GOOD
THAN A MOTHER FUCK.
173
00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:10,400
AIN'T NOTHING LIKE
THE SLAUSON SWAP MEET.
174
00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:12,270
YOU CAN GET EVERYTHING
YOU NEED THERE.
175
00:09:12,266 --> 00:09:13,766
I COULD GO UP
IN THE SLAUSON SWAP MEET,
176
00:09:13,767 --> 00:09:15,297
COME UP OUTTA THERE
WITH A WHOLE OUTFIT,
177
00:09:15,300 --> 00:09:17,030
GET YOUR NAILS DONE,
GET YOUR EYEBROWS OUCHED,
178
00:09:17,033 --> 00:09:19,333
GET YOU SOME EYELASHES,
GET YOU 2 PEOPLE,
179
00:09:19,333 --> 00:09:22,033
A PUPPY, SOME BOOTLEG DVDs.
180
00:09:22,033 --> 00:09:25,333
YOU CAN FUCKING GET--YOU CAN
GET A PAP SMEAR, AN ABORTION--
181
00:09:25,333 --> 00:09:29,733
YOU CAN GET YOU
A BOYFRIEND AND SHIT.
182
00:09:29,734 --> 00:09:31,504
SOME DICK.
YOU KNOW, IT'S COOL.
183
00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:32,800
A MEXICAN TO CLEAN YOUR HOUSE.
184
00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:36,230
YOU CAN GET EVERYTHING
AT THE SLAUSON SWAP MEET.
185
00:09:36,233 --> 00:09:39,203
I LOVE THAT PLACE.
IT'S NOTHING LIKE IT.
186
00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:40,870
I'M TIRED OF DATING
DUDES OUT OF JAIL.
187
00:09:40,867 --> 00:09:41,927
I'M TIRED OF DATING
DUDES OUT OF JAIL,
188
00:09:41,934 --> 00:09:42,934
BUT SOMETIMES YOU GOTTA
MESS WITH 'EM.
189
00:09:42,934 --> 00:09:44,474
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
190
00:09:44,467 --> 00:09:47,097
BUT I STILL FUCK WITH 'EM, BUT
I JUST HAVE SAFE SEX WITH 'EM.
191
00:09:47,100 --> 00:09:48,470
IT'S IMPORTANT TO HAVE SAFE SEX.
192
00:09:48,467 --> 00:09:53,027
SAFE SEX IS A GOOD THING.
YOU GOTTA HAVE SAFE SEX.
193
00:09:53,033 --> 00:09:54,703
I JUST DON'T LET 'EM
COME IN THE COOCHIE, THOUGH.
194
00:09:54,700 --> 00:09:55,700
I DON'T LET 'EM
COME IN THE COOCHIE.
195
00:09:55,700 --> 00:09:57,700
I JUST DO SHIT LIKE--UM, LIKE--
196
00:09:57,700 --> 00:09:59,800
I WISH I HAD THAT STUFF,
LIKE, YOU, MISS,
197
00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:03,130
WITH THE BIG BOOTY
ON YOUR CHEST.
198
00:10:03,133 --> 00:10:04,633
'CAUSE I'M ROCKING A 31 A-MINUS.
199
00:10:04,633 --> 00:10:06,073
THIS RIGHT THERE.
200
00:10:06,066 --> 00:10:09,826
THIS IS SOME BUSH.
LOOK AT THIS.
201
00:10:09,834 --> 00:10:12,974
I GOTTA KEEP MINE
IN A PAPER TOWEL
202
00:10:12,967 --> 00:10:14,797
TO KEEP MY [INDISTINCT]
FROM BEING MUSSED.
203
00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:16,900
THIS IS SOME--THIS BAG.
204
00:10:16,900 --> 00:10:19,230
I WAS TRYING TO GET
SOME FREE DRINKS LATER.
205
00:10:21,333 --> 00:10:22,333
BUT I CAN'T--I CAN'T
DO THOSE THINGS.
206
00:10:22,333 --> 00:10:23,773
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
207
00:10:23,767 --> 00:10:26,097
I WAS TELLING MY BOO--I WAS
LIKE, "BABY, LET'S--LET'S--
208
00:10:26,100 --> 00:10:27,730
"LET'S DO WHAT THEY DOING
IN THE MOVIE, BABY.
209
00:10:27,734 --> 00:10:30,834
"LET'S HAVE SOME--TITTY FUCK ME.
COME ON."
210
00:10:30,834 --> 00:10:32,434
HE WAS LIKE, "BABE.
211
00:10:32,433 --> 00:10:34,903
"BOO, YOUR TITTIES DON'T EVEN
KNOW EACH OTHER, DOG.
212
00:10:34,900 --> 00:10:38,900
HOW WE GONNA DO THIS?"
213
00:10:41,100 --> 00:10:42,770
SO I GOT SOME BARBEQUE SAUCE.
214
00:10:42,767 --> 00:10:43,997
I PUT THAT SHIT ALL ON MY RIBS.
215
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:46,770
WE WAS LIKE, "MM, YEAH.
216
00:10:46,767 --> 00:10:49,197
"[INDISTINCT] SEX, DADDY.
217
00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:52,500
"YEAH, YOU WANNA GET FREAKY?
218
00:10:52,500 --> 00:10:54,470
"OH, YOU WANT IT WET?
OH, YOU WANT IT WET?
219
00:10:54,467 --> 00:10:56,097
"YOU WANT IT WET?
YOU WANT IT WET?
220
00:10:56,100 --> 00:11:02,670
"[INDISTINCT] OH, YOU WANNA
GET REAL NASTY, HUH?
221
00:11:02,667 --> 00:11:03,727
OH, YOU WANT SOME OF THIS."
222
00:11:18,300 --> 00:11:19,900
GOOD FOOT FUCKING RIGHT THERE.
223
00:11:19,900 --> 00:11:20,900
THAT'S GOOD FOOT FUCKING.
224
00:11:23,066 --> 00:11:25,466
SHE'S LIKE, "OH, MY GOD."
225
00:11:25,467 --> 00:11:28,397
DID YOU SEE HER MONKEY?
226
00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:30,630
I'M SORRY.
MY BAD.
227
00:11:30,633 --> 00:11:31,833
I SHOULD HAVE WAXED IT, HUH?
228
00:11:35,567 --> 00:11:39,127
ANYBODY HERE EVER GOT
A BIKINI WAX BEFORE?
229
00:11:39,133 --> 00:11:41,033
WOO.
230
00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:42,903
I REMEMBER MY FIRST TIME
GETTING A BIKINI WAX.
231
00:11:42,900 --> 00:11:44,630
I WENT TO THIS SCHOOL
OUT IN THE VALLEY, RIGHT?
232
00:11:44,633 --> 00:11:46,033
OUT IN WOODLAND HILLS,
CALIFORNIA.
233
00:11:46,033 --> 00:11:47,373
IT WAS TOTALLY FUCKING AWESOME.
234
00:11:47,367 --> 00:11:49,267
YOU KNOW IT TOTALLY JUST
FRICKIN' ROCKED OUT THERE.
235
00:11:49,266 --> 00:11:50,426
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
236
00:11:50,433 --> 00:11:51,473
FUCK YEAH.
237
00:11:51,467 --> 00:11:54,567
AND MY FRIEND AMBER WAS LIKE--
238
00:11:54,567 --> 00:11:56,667
UM, WE WERE TAKING A SHOWER
RIGHT AFTER TRACK PRACTICE
239
00:11:56,667 --> 00:11:58,667
AND SHE WAS LIKE, "OH, MY GOD.
240
00:11:58,667 --> 00:12:01,197
"TIFFANY, YOUR BUSH.
241
00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:02,630
"YOU HAVE GOT TO DO
SOMETHING ABOUT THAT.
242
00:12:02,633 --> 00:12:04,433
"NOBODY'S EVER GONNA
EAT YOUR BURGER LIKE THAT.
243
00:12:04,433 --> 00:12:08,303
"YOU HAVE--YOU HAVE GOT
TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT.
244
00:12:08,300 --> 00:12:09,330
YOU NEED TO GET THAT WAXED."
245
00:12:09,333 --> 00:12:10,503
I WAS LIKE, "GIRL,
WHAT YOU TALKING ABOUT?
246
00:12:10,500 --> 00:12:11,670
"THIS IS CUTE.
I GOT BARRETTES
247
00:12:11,667 --> 00:12:14,127
"AND BEADS
AND SPARKLES AND SHIT.
248
00:12:14,133 --> 00:12:15,333
"I GOT BRAIDS ON THIS.
249
00:12:15,333 --> 00:12:16,903
"I'M MR. ALLEN IVERSON, BITCH.
250
00:12:16,900 --> 00:12:20,370
"WHAT--LOOK AT THAT SHIT.
THAT IS CUTE.
251
00:12:20,367 --> 00:12:21,797
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?"
252
00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:24,100
SHE WAS LIKE, "NO, TIFFANY.
YOU HAVE GOT TO GET IT WAXED."
253
00:12:24,100 --> 00:12:26,230
SO I WAS LIKE, "OK.
WELL, WHAT [INDISTINCT]."
254
00:12:26,233 --> 00:12:27,873
SHE'S LIKE, "ME AND MY MOM
ARE GONNA TAKE YOU TO THE SPA.
255
00:12:27,867 --> 00:12:29,427
IT'S GONNA BE TOTALLY
FREAKIN' AWESOME."
256
00:12:29,433 --> 00:12:32,933
SO WE WENT TO THE SPA, RIGHT?
I TOOK OFF MY PANTS.
257
00:12:32,934 --> 00:12:36,304
THE LITTLE ASIAN LADY WAS LIKE,
"OH. WE NEED MORE WAX."
258
00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:38,600
SHE COME BACK WITH MORE WAX.
259
00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:39,700
SHE PUT IT ON.
IT'S ALL WARM.
260
00:12:39,700 --> 00:12:42,130
I'M LIKE, "OOH.
THIS IS NICE."
261
00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:45,270
THEN SHE PUT THE PAPER DOWN.
262
00:12:45,266 --> 00:12:46,326
SHE KIND OF PRESSED IT
KIND OF HARD.
263
00:12:46,333 --> 00:12:47,333
I'M LIKE, "OH, SHIT, BITCH.
264
00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:48,933
"YOU WANT MY PHONE NUMBER
OR SOMETHING?
265
00:12:51,367 --> 00:12:52,527
WHAT IS SHE DOING?"
266
00:12:54,767 --> 00:12:56,727
THEN SHE PULLED THE PAPER BACK.
I WAS LIKE, "OH, BITCH.
267
00:12:56,734 --> 00:12:58,974
"YOU DONE RIPPED MY COOCHIEMENTS
AND EVERYTHING.
268
00:12:58,967 --> 00:13:01,027
"MY UTERUS IS ON THAT
FUCKING PAPER, BITCH.
269
00:13:01,033 --> 00:13:03,033
"HOW AM I EVER GONNA GET
CHILD SUPPORT NOW, BITCH?
270
00:13:03,033 --> 00:13:05,333
"[INDISTINCT], BITCH.
FUCK YOU.
271
00:13:05,333 --> 00:13:07,933
GIVE ME MY OVARIES BACK, BITCH."
272
00:13:07,934 --> 00:13:09,104
PICKED UP THE PAPER.
273
00:13:09,100 --> 00:13:12,270
I TRIED TO PUT EACH HAIR BACK
ONE BY ONE AND SHIT.
274
00:13:12,266 --> 00:13:14,766
WALKED OUT OF THERE
WITH ONE BALD COOCHIE LIP. I HAD A FADE.
275
00:13:14,767 --> 00:13:16,267
LIKE THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT.
276
00:13:27,533 --> 00:13:29,803
BRAID THAT SHIT UP
ON THE ONE SIDE.
277
00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:31,370
ANYWAY.
278
00:13:31,367 --> 00:13:32,567
ONE OF MY GOALS IN LIFE--
279
00:13:32,567 --> 00:13:34,797
ONE OF MY DREAMS AND GOALS
AND ASPIRATIONS IN LIFE
280
00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:38,170
WAS TO BE, LIKE,
A MAJOR SINGER OR RAPPER.
281
00:13:38,166 --> 00:13:39,796
LIKE, I WANTED TO BE LIKE
WHITNEY HOUSTON AT FIRST,
282
00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:41,300
BEFORE SHE GOT WITH
BOBBY AND SHIT.
283
00:13:41,300 --> 00:13:43,330
[INDISTINCT]
AND I CHANGED MY MIND
284
00:13:43,333 --> 00:13:45,303
AND I SAID I WANTED
TO BE A RAPPER, RIGHT?
285
00:13:45,300 --> 00:13:47,830
AND THEN NOBODY EVER, LIKE,
PICKED UP MY ALBUM OR NOTHING.
286
00:13:47,834 --> 00:13:49,034
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
287
00:13:49,033 --> 00:13:50,033
AND THAT KIND OF FUCKING MADE ME
288
00:13:50,033 --> 00:13:51,633
MAD AT EVERYBODY
FOR A LITTLE BIT.
289
00:13:53,767 --> 00:13:56,267
SO, KID CAPRI, I NEED YOU
TO KICK ME A BEAT.
290
00:13:56,266 --> 00:13:57,566
YOU READY?
WAIT. HOLD UP. I AIN'T READY.
291
00:13:57,567 --> 00:13:59,567
WAIT. HOLD UP.
292
00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:05,270
ALL RIGHT.
KID CAPRI, GIVE ME THAT BEAT.
293
00:14:05,266 --> 00:14:07,196
[BEAT PLAYING]
294
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:10,730
HEY. MAKE SOME NOISE.
DEF JAM.
295
00:14:10,734 --> 00:14:12,874
[CROWD CHEERING]
296
00:14:12,867 --> 00:14:15,127
YOU KNOW, EVERY GOOD RAPPER
START OFF WITH A DANCE AND SHIT.
297
00:14:18,633 --> 00:14:21,373
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.
298
00:14:21,367 --> 00:14:23,597
YOU START OFF LIKE THAT SHIT.
I SEEN THAT SHIT ON A VIDEO.
299
00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:26,070
♪ THEY CALL ME TIFFANY
IT'S TO THE T-I-F-F-A-N-Y WHY? ♪
300
00:14:26,066 --> 00:14:27,366
♪ BECAUSE I AM SO FLY YOU KNOW ♪
301
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,867
♪ THAT IS A LIE I COME STRAIGHT
FROM SOUTH CENTRAL ♪
302
00:14:29,867 --> 00:14:32,527
♪ BABY BOO I WALK MY PIT BULLS
EVERY DAY ♪
303
00:14:32,533 --> 00:14:35,233
♪ BOO GOT 2 BLUE
WHAT YOU WANNA DO? ♪
304
00:14:35,233 --> 00:14:37,433
♪ I KEEP IT GANGSTER, BABY,
AND I WILL FUCK YOU ♪
305
00:14:37,433 --> 00:14:39,733
♪ IF YOUR CREDIT IS RIGHT
IF YOUR SHIT IS TIGHT ♪
306
00:14:39,734 --> 00:14:41,974
♪ IF YOU GOT A WHIP,
I'M WIT YOU TONIGHT ♪
307
00:14:41,967 --> 00:14:46,727
♪ OH, THEY CALL ME TIFFANY AND I
LIKE TO GET DOWN AND GRITTY ♪
308
00:14:46,734 --> 00:14:49,434
♪ I MIGHT BE CUTE SHIT,
AND THE BITCH BE LIKE "FUCK HER" ♪
309
00:14:49,433 --> 00:14:52,233
♪ WELL FUCK THAT SHIT,
I'M REAL [INDISTINCT] ♪
310
00:14:52,233 --> 00:14:53,733
♪ WHAT YOU GONNA DO? ♪
311
00:14:53,734 --> 00:14:57,004
♪ FUCK WITH TIFFANY
AND I'LL FUCK WITH YOU ♪
312
00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:58,270
♪ WHAT YOU WANNA DO? ♪
313
00:14:58,266 --> 00:15:01,126
♪ FUCK WITH TIFFANY
AND I'LL FUCK WITH YOU ♪
314
00:15:01,133 --> 00:15:03,573
TIFFANY HADDISH, BABY.
315
00:15:03,567 --> 00:15:06,367
[INDISTINCT] GIVE ME
MY HAIR BACK.
316
00:15:06,367 --> 00:15:08,097
GIVE ME MY HAIR BACK.
317
00:15:08,100 --> 00:15:10,100
GIVE ME MY SHIT BACK.
318
00:15:10,100 --> 00:15:12,570
THAT'S FROM THE SLAUSON
SWAP MEET. SHIT.
319
00:15:12,567 --> 00:15:14,567
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
320
00:15:26,834 --> 00:15:28,074
- ALL RIGHT.
321
00:15:28,066 --> 00:15:30,266
ONE MORE TIME, GIVE IT UP
TO MY GIRL, TIFFANY HADDISH.
322
00:15:30,266 --> 00:15:32,266
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
323
00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:38,730
THAT IS A FINE MOTHERFUCKER,
RIGHT THERE.
324
00:15:38,734 --> 00:15:39,734
I CAME.
FUCK IT.
325
00:15:39,734 --> 00:15:45,074
I AIN'T GONNA LIE.
I'M GOING...
326
00:15:45,066 --> 00:15:46,666
EVEN WHEN SHE SNAPPED
HER HAIR OFF, I THOUGHT,
327
00:15:46,667 --> 00:15:48,167
"DON'T TRY THAT SHIT AT HOME.
328
00:15:48,166 --> 00:15:50,466
"YOU'LL FUCK AROUND,
GET A GUN PULLED ON YOU
329
00:15:50,467 --> 00:15:51,467
DOING SOME SHIT LIKE THAT."
330
00:15:53,700 --> 00:15:54,870
ALL RIGHT.
JUDGING BY HIS NAME,
331
00:15:54,867 --> 00:15:56,497
HE'S ABOUT TO COME IN
AND TELL IT LIKE IT IS.
332
00:15:56,500 --> 00:15:58,000
GIVE IT UP FOR BIG ROME.
333
00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:00,000
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
334
00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:10,527
- WHAT'S HAPPENING?
WHAT'S UP?
335
00:16:10,533 --> 00:16:12,303
Y'ALL GIVE IT UP
FOR D.L. HUGHLEY, MAN.
336
00:16:12,300 --> 00:16:13,570
SHOW YOUR LOVE FOR D.L.
337
00:16:13,567 --> 00:16:16,227
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
338
00:16:16,233 --> 00:16:18,603
Y'ALL MOTHERFUCKERS
ARE LOOKING GOOD [INDISTINCT].
339
00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:20,900
BUT I DON'T KNOW, MAN.
LOT OF SHIT GOING ON, MAN.
340
00:16:20,900 --> 00:16:23,870
FELLAS, IF YOUR MONEY
FUCKED UP, JUST LEAVE.
341
00:16:23,867 --> 00:16:26,497
I FEEL--JUST GET OUT
THE HOUSE, NIGGA.
342
00:16:26,500 --> 00:16:29,400
JUST LEAVE THE WOMAN 'CAUSE
SHE GONNA PUT YOUR ASS OUT.
343
00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:32,600
JUST LEAVE WHILE
YOU GOT YOUR DIGNITY.
344
00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:34,100
I FEEL SORRY FOR ANY MAN IN HERE
345
00:16:34,100 --> 00:16:36,430
LIVING WITH A WOMAN
AND YOUR MONEY IS FUCKED UP.
346
00:16:36,433 --> 00:16:39,073
WOO. EVERYTHING YOU DO
GET ON THAT BITCH NERVE.
347
00:16:39,066 --> 00:16:40,196
YOU JUST DON'T KNOW.
348
00:16:41,900 --> 00:16:43,400
YOU BE SITTING AT THE TABLE
EATING YOUR FOOD.
349
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:50,130
SHE BE LOOKING.
"THIS NIGGA KEEP CHEWING. DAMN.
350
00:16:50,133 --> 00:16:52,803
"I HATE HIS CHEW, JESUS.
I JUST--UGH.
351
00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:54,800
OPEN CLOSE.
OPEN CLOSE."
352
00:16:56,533 --> 00:16:58,433
WHEN YOU LIVE WITH A BLACK WOMAN
AND YOU AIN'T GOT NO JOB,
353
00:16:58,433 --> 00:16:59,873
SHE'LL THINK YOU AIN'T
SUPPOSED TO DO SHIT
354
00:16:59,867 --> 00:17:00,997
BUT LOOK FOR A FUCKING JOB.
355
00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:03,130
THAT'S IT.
356
00:17:03,133 --> 00:17:04,203
"YOU SLEEPY?
357
00:17:09,700 --> 00:17:10,930
"FUCK IS YOU YAWNING?
358
00:17:10,934 --> 00:17:12,634
YOU AIN'T WORKING.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND."
359
00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:16,270
THEY LOVE TELLING YOU WHAT THEY
AIN'T USED TO WHEN YOU BROKE.
360
00:17:16,266 --> 00:17:17,526
"I AIN'T USED TO THIS SHIT.
361
00:17:17,533 --> 00:17:22,773
I JUST--I AIN'T USED TO THIS."
362
00:17:22,767 --> 00:17:25,627
KEEP YOUR MONEY RIGHT, FELLAS.
363
00:17:25,633 --> 00:17:27,803
A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK SEX,
YOU KNOW, IS WHAT MAKES IT,
364
00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:29,430
BUT, YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES
SEX CAN BE OVERRATED.
365
00:17:29,433 --> 00:17:30,873
YOU'VE GOT TO GET
TO KNOW A PERSON
366
00:17:30,867 --> 00:17:31,897
BEFORE Y'ALL FALL IN LOVE.
367
00:17:31,900 --> 00:17:32,970
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
REALLY.
368
00:17:32,967 --> 00:17:34,227
BEFORE YOU START
ALL THAT SEXUAL SHIT.
369
00:17:34,233 --> 00:17:36,233
GET TO KNOW A PERSON.
370
00:17:36,233 --> 00:17:38,633
'CAUSE, FELLAS,
YOU KNOW WE CHANGE. YOU KNOW THAT SHIT.
371
00:17:38,633 --> 00:17:41,373
BEFORE SEX, WE BE CONCERNED
ABOUT THE WOMAN.
372
00:17:41,367 --> 00:17:43,697
SHE CROSS YOUR MIND.
373
00:17:43,700 --> 00:17:46,930
YOU REMEMBER HER NAME.
EVERY MOTHERFUCKING THING.
374
00:17:46,934 --> 00:17:50,504
SOON AS YOU GET THAT ASS,
SHE BECOME WHATYOUCALLIT.
375
00:17:50,500 --> 00:17:51,900
AND YOU BE TELLING YOUR BOYS,
376
00:17:51,900 --> 00:17:53,800
"MAN, I AIN'T
TALK TO WHATYOUCALLIT IN SO GODDAMN LONG.
377
00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:55,770
I GOTTA CALL WHATYOUCALLIT."
378
00:17:55,767 --> 00:17:56,927
"HEY, WHO'S WHATYOUCALLIT?"
379
00:17:56,934 --> 00:17:58,104
"YOU KNOW, THE ONE
WITH THE ALTIMA, MAN.
380
00:17:58,100 --> 00:17:59,130
"WHATYOUCALLIT.
381
00:17:59,133 --> 00:18:00,503
I DON'T KNOW HER NAME.
SHIT."
382
00:18:02,300 --> 00:18:03,630
LADIES, Y'ALL CAN'T GET MAD.
383
00:18:03,633 --> 00:18:04,703
Y'ALL CHANGE, TOO.
384
00:18:06,066 --> 00:18:07,766
BEFORE SEX, A MAN
SEND YOU TO THE STORE,
385
00:18:07,767 --> 00:18:09,127
YOU BRING ALL HIS CHANGE BACK.
386
00:18:09,133 --> 00:18:12,873
EVERY DIME.
RECEIPT.
387
00:18:12,867 --> 00:18:15,227
EVERY GODDAMN THING.
388
00:18:15,233 --> 00:18:18,273
AFTER SEX, THAT'S HER CHANGE.
389
00:18:18,266 --> 00:18:19,596
THEY MAKE YOU FEEL
LESS THAN A MAN
390
00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:22,700
IF YOU ASK FOR
YOUR OWN FUCKING CHANGE.
391
00:18:22,700 --> 00:18:24,500
YOU BE LIKE, "HEY, BABY.
I GAVE YOU A 50."
392
00:18:24,500 --> 00:18:30,400
"AND? WHAT?
YOU NEED YO CHANGE?
393
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:32,770
"I'M FUCKING WITH A NIGGA
THAT NEEDS SOME CHANGE?
394
00:18:37,300 --> 00:18:39,000
"I DID NOT KNOW.
395
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:40,600
"I DID NOT KNOW, BOO BOO.
396
00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:42,170
"LET ME GO GET
YOUR LITTLE CHANGE.
397
00:18:42,166 --> 00:18:44,026
I DID NOT KNOW."
398
00:18:44,033 --> 00:18:45,303
YOU GOTTA PLAY THAT SHIT OFF.
399
00:18:45,300 --> 00:18:47,930
"BABY, THAT'S ME.
"YOU KNOW I DON'T NEED NO $48.
400
00:18:50,567 --> 00:18:53,197
"BIG DADDY.
WHAT THE FUCK I'M GONNA DO WITH $48?
401
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:54,200
THIS IS ME."
402
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:55,730
YOU GOTTA GIVE HER A TYLENOL PM
403
00:18:55,734 --> 00:18:59,034
TO STEAL YOUR OWN
GODDAMN CHANGE BACK.
404
00:18:59,033 --> 00:19:00,833
THAT'S WHY I DON'T EVEN
FUCK WITH YOUNG GIRLS NO MORE.
405
00:19:00,834 --> 00:19:03,804
I FUCK WITH OLD LADIES.
OLD.
406
00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:05,600
BUT YOU GOTTA--YOU GOTTA
WATCH THEM, TOO,
407
00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:06,770
'CAUSE SOME OF THEM
BE SILLY AND SAY--
408
00:19:06,767 --> 00:19:10,597
OH, I HAD THE ORIGINAL STELLA.
OLD.
409
00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:11,800
I HAD TO GET RID OF HER OLD ASS.
410
00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:13,630
YOU KNOW, SHE'S 68.
STILL PLAYING GAMES.
411
00:19:13,633 --> 00:19:14,633
WHAT KIND OF SHIT IS THIS?
412
00:19:17,367 --> 00:19:19,567
I'M READING THE BIBLE,
PHONE NUMBER FALL OUT.
413
00:19:19,567 --> 00:19:20,567
SEE, THIS...
414
00:19:30,233 --> 00:19:32,273
SO NOW I GOT TO GO
WAKE HER OLD ASS UP.
415
00:19:32,266 --> 00:19:33,926
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
IT'S 3:00 IN THE AFTERNOON.
416
00:19:33,934 --> 00:19:35,334
SHE DONE WENT TO BED
FOR THE NIGHT.
417
00:19:35,333 --> 00:19:36,333
YOU KNOW?
418
00:19:37,533 --> 00:19:40,473
HER DAY IS OVER.
SHE THROUGH.
419
00:19:40,467 --> 00:19:42,067
SHE HAD DINNER AT 12:30.
420
00:19:42,066 --> 00:19:44,566
SHE GONE TO BED.
421
00:19:44,567 --> 00:19:46,127
BUT I DONE FOUND
THIS PHONE NUMBER
422
00:19:46,133 --> 00:19:47,673
SO I AIN'T TRYING TO HEAR
THIS BULLSHIT.
423
00:19:47,667 --> 00:19:49,067
I'M GONNA KNOCK ON THE DOOR.
424
00:19:49,066 --> 00:19:50,426
"HATTIE MAY, I NEED TO TALK
TO YOU, HATTIE.
425
00:19:54,500 --> 00:19:57,700
HATTIE MAY, I NEED TO HOLLA
AT YOU NOW."
426
00:19:57,900 --> 00:19:58,930
SHE GONNA GET MAD.
427
00:19:58,934 --> 00:20:03,974
"WHAT COULD IT POSSIBLY
BE AT THIS HOUR?"
428
00:20:04,166 --> 00:20:05,496
"DON'T WANT TO HEAR
THAT BULLSHIT.
429
00:20:05,500 --> 00:20:06,630
WHO THE FUCK IS CEPHUS, HATTIE?"
430
00:20:09,133 --> 00:20:10,873
TALKING ABOUT SOME OLD NIGGA
SHE MET IN DIALYSIS.
431
00:20:10,867 --> 00:20:14,527
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR
THIS BULLSHIT.
432
00:20:14,533 --> 00:20:17,033
WHEN YOU MAKE LOVE
TO AN OLD LADY, YOU GOT TO BE FOCUSED,
433
00:20:17,033 --> 00:20:19,903
'CAUSE YOU GONNA HEAR SOME SHIT
YOU JUST AIN'T PREPARED FOR.
434
00:20:19,900 --> 00:20:23,370
YOU JUST--SEE, A YOUNG GIRL--
I GIVE Y'ALL CREDIT.
435
00:20:23,367 --> 00:20:24,527
THAT MOAN IS SEXY.
436
00:20:24,533 --> 00:20:25,773
THAT SHIT IS STIMULATING.
437
00:20:25,767 --> 00:20:27,167
IT KEEP THE MAN IN THE GAME.
438
00:20:27,166 --> 00:20:29,496
YOU KNOW, YOU BE HITTING
A YOUNG GIRL, SHE BE "OH.
439
00:20:29,500 --> 00:20:31,830
"OOH, SHIT.
440
00:20:31,834 --> 00:20:33,304
"OH, BIG BABY, I DIDN'T KNOW.
441
00:20:33,300 --> 00:20:36,900
"I DIDN'T KNOW.
OH.
442
00:20:36,900 --> 00:20:38,530
"OH, THIS DICK IS A MYSTERY.
443
00:20:38,533 --> 00:20:44,203
I DIDN'T KNOW.
OH."
444
00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:45,430
AND YOU CAN DEAL WITH THAT,
445
00:20:45,433 --> 00:20:46,873
BUT YOU HITTING AN OLD LADY
FROM THE BACK,
446
00:20:46,867 --> 00:20:47,997
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN,
YOU GOT TO FOCUS.
447
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:50,030
YOU HITTING IT AND SHE
"HOT OH MIGHTY DAMN."
448
00:20:50,033 --> 00:20:51,033
"WHAT?"
449
00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:56,070
"HAVE MERCY ON THIS PUSSY.
HAVE MERCY ON THIS PUSSY."
450
00:20:58,300 --> 00:20:59,470
CAN'T THINK OF YOUR NAME.
451
00:20:59,467 --> 00:21:02,027
NOW YOU GOTTA BE URA ALL NIGHT.
452
00:21:02,033 --> 00:21:04,773
WHO THE FUCK IS URA?
453
00:21:04,767 --> 00:21:10,597
"HIT THIS PUSSY, URA.
URA.
454
00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:11,900
"HOT OH MIGHTY DAMN.
455
00:21:11,900 --> 00:21:13,700
URA. URA."
456
00:21:14,934 --> 00:21:16,474
OF COURSE, HATTIE MAY
HAD PARKINSON'S,
457
00:21:16,467 --> 00:21:18,327
SO I AIN'T NEVER REALLY KNOW
WHEN SHE WAS IN THE MOOD.
458
00:21:18,333 --> 00:21:19,533
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
459
00:21:19,533 --> 00:21:20,533
SHE HAD PARKINSON'S.
I COME IN.
460
00:21:20,533 --> 00:21:21,533
"HATTIE, YOU WANNA FUCK AROUND?"
461
00:21:21,533 --> 00:21:22,703
SHE SAID [INDISTINCT].
462
00:21:25,734 --> 00:21:26,934
HEY, I'M BIG ROME, MAN.
463
00:21:26,934 --> 00:21:28,604
THIS SHOW GOES OUT TO TINA.
464
00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:30,530
TINA GREEN.
I LOVE YOU, BABY.
465
00:21:30,533 --> 00:21:32,533
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
466
00:21:41,867 --> 00:21:43,667
- BOY, THESE MOTHERFUCKERS
TICKLE ME.
467
00:21:43,667 --> 00:21:44,667
GODDAMN.
468
00:21:46,166 --> 00:21:47,296
URA.
469
00:21:51,300 --> 00:21:53,370
OLD FOLK WILL FUCK
A LANGUAGE UP, WON'T THEY?
470
00:21:53,367 --> 00:21:54,827
"RETCH AROUND.
471
00:21:57,066 --> 00:21:58,566
"I'M NAWSHA"?
472
00:21:58,567 --> 00:22:01,467
WHAT THE FUCK IS NAWSHA?
473
00:22:01,467 --> 00:22:03,067
OH, MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS.
ALL RIGHT.
474
00:22:03,066 --> 00:22:04,966
HIS PERFORMANCE LAST SEASON
ON "DEF JAM"
475
00:22:04,967 --> 00:22:06,767
HAD EVERYBODY
ROLLING IN THE AISLES,
476
00:22:06,767 --> 00:22:09,027
BUT HE'S BACK
WITH MORE NONSTOP COMEDY.
477
00:22:09,033 --> 00:22:11,533
FROM DETROIT, MY MAN
TONY ROBERTS.
478
00:22:11,533 --> 00:22:13,533
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
479
00:22:22,734 --> 00:22:23,904
- WHAT'S UP, FUCKERS?
480
00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:27,000
THAT'S WHAT THEY DOING NOW.
481
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:32,700
THEY KRUMPING, MOTHERFUCKER.
AH.
482
00:22:32,700 --> 00:22:34,430
I DO THIS SHIT FOR 12 RECORDS.
483
00:22:36,100 --> 00:22:37,930
MY GIRL SAY, "WHY DON'T YOU DO
SOMETHING DIFFERENT?"
484
00:22:37,934 --> 00:22:38,934
FUCK IT.
485
00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:41,730
THIS WHAT YOU WANT, BITCH?
IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT?
486
00:22:45,734 --> 00:22:47,274
WHAT'S UP, BIG MAN?
HOW YOU DOING?
487
00:22:47,266 --> 00:22:49,666
GOT THE GLASSES ON.
LOOK SMART AS SHIT.
488
00:22:49,667 --> 00:22:52,497
LIKE YOU BE FUCKING
ON THE INTERNET.
489
00:22:52,500 --> 00:22:54,130
"I'M FUCKING YOU FROM THE BACK
AND YOU LOVING IT.
490
00:22:54,133 --> 00:22:56,103
SEND."
491
00:23:06,300 --> 00:23:07,700
THAT'S A BIG NIGGA THERE.
492
00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:12,770
IT'S HARD TO HAVE SEX NOW.
493
00:23:12,767 --> 00:23:13,767
A CONDOM AIN'T ENOUGH.
494
00:23:13,767 --> 00:23:15,427
THEY GETTING SHIT
THROUGH THE CONDOM.
495
00:23:15,433 --> 00:23:17,933
I WANT--I WANT MUCH PROTECTION.
496
00:23:17,934 --> 00:23:20,674
I COME IN YOUR ROOM
WITH AN ATTACK DOG SUIT ON.
497
00:23:20,667 --> 00:23:21,797
YOU READY, BITCH?
498
00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:23,870
AH. AH.
499
00:23:25,266 --> 00:23:26,966
DO THAT SHIT, NIGGA.
500
00:23:26,967 --> 00:23:28,897
WHERE YOUR GIRL AT?
501
00:23:28,900 --> 00:23:30,830
WHERE YOUR WOMAN AT?
502
00:23:30,834 --> 00:23:32,604
TREAT HER RIGHT,
BUT DON'T SPOIL HER.
503
00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:34,300
MY GIRL TALKING ABOUT,
"TONY, I WANT BREAKFAST IN BED."
504
00:23:34,300 --> 00:23:35,570
I SAID, "BITCH, YOU BETTER
SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN.
505
00:23:37,734 --> 00:23:40,634
"YOU OUT YOU FUCKING MIND?
506
00:23:40,633 --> 00:23:42,203
THAT'S WHERE THE PANCAKES
GONNA BE, BITCH."
507
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:46,070
I AIN'T NO GODDAMN GENTLEMAN.
508
00:23:50,100 --> 00:23:51,530
I TOOK A BIG GIRL OUT TO EAT.
509
00:23:51,533 --> 00:23:53,573
WE LOOKED AT THE MENU.
SHE SAID, "GIVE ME PAGE 2."
510
00:23:55,500 --> 00:23:58,400
I SAID, "GIVE ME THE LEMONS
WITH THE WATER.
511
00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:02,830
I AIN'T GOT NO MORE MONEY
AFTER THIS BITCH."
512
00:24:02,834 --> 00:24:05,704
I LOVE BIG WOMEN
'CAUSE YOU GOT TITTIES.
513
00:24:05,700 --> 00:24:07,970
I'M A TITTY MAN.
I LOVE TITTIES.
514
00:24:07,967 --> 00:24:10,027
THEY AIN'T GOTTA BE BIG.
THEY AIN'T GOTTA BE BIG.
515
00:24:10,033 --> 00:24:12,103
THEY GOTTA BE THERE.
516
00:24:12,100 --> 00:24:14,270
YOU EVER HAD A GIRL WALK TO
YOUR BED NAKED WITH NO TITTIES.
517
00:24:14,266 --> 00:24:15,226
LOOK LIKE YOUR NEPHEW.
518
00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:19,700
"WHO THE FUCK TOLD YOU
YOU COULD COME OVER HERE?"
519
00:24:19,700 --> 00:24:21,170
SHE BE CONFUSED.
"WHO YOU TALKING TO?"
520
00:24:21,166 --> 00:24:23,126
"MY SISTER SON.
THAT'S WHO THE FUCK I'M TAKING TO."
521
00:24:26,767 --> 00:24:29,297
IT'S THE GIRLS WITH THE LITTLE
TITTIES--Y'ALL KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
522
00:24:29,300 --> 00:24:30,700
YOU WANT THEM TO SUCK 'EM FIRST.
523
00:24:30,700 --> 00:24:31,830
FORGET THE FOREPLAY.
524
00:24:31,834 --> 00:24:36,134
"SUCK THESE FIRST.
TURN ME ON."
525
00:24:36,133 --> 00:24:37,133
YOU TRYING TO SUCK THEY TITTIES
526
00:24:37,133 --> 00:24:38,673
LIKE TRYING TO PULL A NAIL
OUT THE WALL.
527
00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:43,930
MY NOSE 'BOUT TO BLEED.
528
00:24:45,433 --> 00:24:51,673
TURN OVER.
I'M GONNA SUCK YOUR SHOULDER BLADES.
529
00:24:51,667 --> 00:24:58,497
TURN OVER.
I'M GONNA SUCK YOUR SHOULDER BLADES.
530
00:24:58,700 --> 00:25:02,000
WOO! YOU MOTHERFUCKERS CRAZY.
531
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:04,430
I GOTTA GO TO CHURCH
WITH MY GRANDMOTHER THIS SUNDAY.
532
00:25:04,433 --> 00:25:05,703
I'M GETTING READY TO GO
TO A BAPTIST CHURCH.
533
00:25:05,700 --> 00:25:07,000
WHO GOES TO BAPTIST CHURCH?
534
00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:08,770
I'M TALKING ABOUT THE REAL
BAPTIST CHURCH.
535
00:25:08,767 --> 00:25:10,567
WHITE PEOPLE, LET ME
TELL YOU SOMETHING.
536
00:25:10,567 --> 00:25:11,967
THIS'LL BE A LESSON
YOU NEED TO KNOW
537
00:25:11,967 --> 00:25:14,797
IF YOU EVER GO TO
A BAPTIST CHURCH, A REAL BAPTIST CHURCH.
538
00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:18,130
IF YOU NEXT TO SOMEBODY
AND THEY GET TO SHAKING, MOVE.
539
00:25:18,133 --> 00:25:20,433
THEY ABOUT TO KNOCK
YO TOOTH OUT.
540
00:25:20,433 --> 00:25:22,303
WE DON'T PRAISE GOD.
WE WHOOP ASS.
541
00:25:22,300 --> 00:25:26,630
"JESUS! JESUS!"
542
00:25:29,700 --> 00:25:31,570
JESUS BE IN THERE LIKE THIS.
"OH, HERE THEY GO AGAIN."
543
00:25:34,567 --> 00:25:38,227
HER PASTOR GOT SO HAPPY HE SAID
"NIGGA" IN THE PULPIT.
544
00:25:38,233 --> 00:25:41,533
SAID, "GOD CAME DOWN IN MAN'S
FORM AS JESUS CHRIST.
545
00:25:41,533 --> 00:25:42,733
"WHAT'S THE NIGGA NAME
THAT WAS WITH HIM?
546
00:25:42,734 --> 00:25:50,734
UH, WHAT'S THAT NIGGA--PETER!
PETER!"
547
00:25:50,734 --> 00:25:52,304
TELL YOU WHAT I'M SICK OF.
548
00:25:52,300 --> 00:25:53,500
THIS GODDAMN CAREER
TAKING TOO GODDAMN LONG.
549
00:25:55,633 --> 00:25:57,173
I GOTTA GET RICH QUICK PLAN.
550
00:25:57,166 --> 00:25:58,266
I BE DOING MY RESEARCH.
551
00:25:58,266 --> 00:25:59,766
LISTENING TO SOME RAP.
552
00:25:59,767 --> 00:26:02,297
THEY MAKING A MILLION DOLLARS
OFF OF NOTHING.
553
00:26:02,300 --> 00:26:03,630
A GOOD BEAT,
YOU GOT A MILLION DOLLARS.
554
00:26:03,633 --> 00:26:04,673
THE WORDS DON'T MEAN SHIT.
555
00:26:06,100 --> 00:26:07,830
I GOT A SONG CALLED
"BITCH, WHERE YOU BEEN?"
556
00:26:10,233 --> 00:26:11,233
YOU THINK I'M BULLSHITTING?
557
00:26:11,233 --> 00:26:12,473
DJ.
KID, GIVE ME SOMETHING.
558
00:26:12,467 --> 00:26:15,927
GIVE ME THAT--
- ♪ [INDISTINCT] ♪
559
00:26:15,934 --> 00:26:17,004
- OH, SHIT.
560
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:18,130
IT'S ABOUT TO GET UGLY
IN THIS BITCH.
561
00:26:19,433 --> 00:26:21,173
I AIN'T GOT NO
MC NAME OR NOTHING.
562
00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:27,070
♪ BITCH,
WHERE YOU BEEN, BITCH? ♪
563
00:26:27,066 --> 00:26:28,896
♪ WHERE YOU BEEN, BITCH?
WHERE YOU BEEN? ♪
564
00:26:28,900 --> 00:26:31,900
♪ WHERE YOU BEEN, BITCH?
WHERE YOU BEEN, BITCH? ♪
565
00:26:31,900 --> 00:26:34,600
♪ BITCH, WHERE YOU BEEN?
BITCH, WHERE YOU BEEN? ♪
566
00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:35,700
♪ BITCH, WHERE YOU BEEN? ♪
567
00:26:35,700 --> 00:26:37,570
♪ I SAY, BITCH,
WHERE YOU BEEN, BITCH? ♪
568
00:26:37,567 --> 00:26:38,597
♪ WHERE YOU BEEN, BITCH? ♪
569
00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:44,100
♪ I CALLED YOUR MOMMA HOUSE
I CALLED YOUR JOB, TOO ♪
570
00:26:44,100 --> 00:26:46,570
♪ I CALLED YOUR GIRLFRIEND
BITCH, SHE AIN'T SEEN YOU ♪
571
00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:49,370
♪ BITCH, WHERE YOU BEEN? ♪
572
00:26:49,367 --> 00:26:51,467
♪ BITCH, WHERE YOU BEEN?
BITCH, WHERE YOU BEEN? ♪
573
00:26:51,467 --> 00:26:53,467
♪ I SAY, BITCH,
WHERE YOU BEEN, BITCH? ♪
574
00:26:53,467 --> 00:26:55,427
♪ WHERE YOU BEEN, BITCH? ♪
575
00:26:55,433 --> 00:26:56,403
♪ WHERE YOU... ♪
576
00:26:59,834 --> 00:27:01,334
♪ BITCH, HOW YOU AT THE GYM ♪
577
00:27:01,333 --> 00:27:04,003
♪ ON THE TREADMILL
DOING CARDIO? ♪
578
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:07,830
♪ BITCH, YOU WEARING HEELS
WHERE YOU BEEN? ♪
579
00:27:07,834 --> 00:27:09,934
♪ WHERE YOU BEEN, BITCH?
BITCH, WHERE YOU BEEN? ♪
580
00:27:09,934 --> 00:27:12,574
♪ WHERE YOU BEEN, BITCH?
BITCH, WHERE YOU BEEN? ♪
581
00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:18,370
♪ I CRASHED A NAIL SHOP
THEY LOOKED AT ME IN FEAR ♪
582
00:27:18,367 --> 00:27:21,797
♪ THE CHINESE LADY GOT MAD
AND TOLD ME "SHE NO HERE" ♪
583
00:27:21,800 --> 00:27:23,470
I GOTTA GO.
I'M TONY ROBERTS. I LOVE Y'ALL.
584
00:27:23,467 --> 00:27:25,427
- ♪ [INDISTINCT] ♪
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
585
00:27:40,266 --> 00:27:42,426
- LET ME ASK Y'ALL SOMETHING.
Y'ALL DONE HAD A GOOD TIME?
586
00:27:42,433 --> 00:27:44,103
[CROWD CHEERING]
587
00:27:44,100 --> 00:27:46,630
AND THE MAN WHO
MADE THIS ALL POSSIBLE.
588
00:27:46,633 --> 00:27:48,833
PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER
FOR RUSSELL SIMMONS.
589
00:27:48,834 --> 00:27:50,834
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
590
00:27:52,233 --> 00:27:53,233
- THANK YOU FOR COMING OUT.
591
00:27:53,233 --> 00:27:54,233
GOD BLESS YOU.
GOOD NIGHT.
592
00:27:54,233 --> 00:27:56,203
[CROWD CHEERING]
593
00:27:58,834 --> 00:27:59,834
- ♪ KID CAPRI ♪
594
00:28:02,333 --> 00:28:04,403
♪ KID, KID, KID, KID CAPRI ♪
595
00:28:05,333 --> 00:28:06,933
♪ KID, KID, KID, KID ♪
596
00:28:08,467 --> 00:28:09,467
♪ KID CAPRI ♪
597
00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:19,000
♪ KID, KID, KID, KID,
KID CAPRI ♪
598
00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:22,030
CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
HOME BOX OFFICE, INC.
599
00:28:22,033 --> 00:28:25,003
CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL
CAPTIONING INSTITUTE -www.ncicap.org--
600
00:28:25,053 --> 00:28:29,603
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
45198
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