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1
00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:18,170
( theme music playing )
2
00:00:18,166 --> 00:00:20,126
Kid Capri:
IT'S THE ONE AND ONLY
3
00:00:20,133 --> 00:00:21,933
RUSSELL SIMMONS'
DEF COMEDY JAM.
4
00:00:21,934 --> 00:00:24,704
WITH YOUR HOST,
MIKE EPPS!
5
00:00:24,700 --> 00:00:27,270
TONIGHT'S GUESTS--
JOE CLAIR,
6
00:00:27,266 --> 00:00:28,926
JASPER REDD,
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00:00:28,934 --> 00:00:30,374
RED GRANT,
8
00:00:30,367 --> 00:00:32,067
AND MARK CURRY.
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00:00:34,934 --> 00:00:36,934
I AM YOUR MAN,
THE WORLD'S GREATEST DJ,
10
00:00:36,934 --> 00:00:39,004
THE KID CAPRI!
11
00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:41,170
AND WE ARE BACK!
12
00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:44,500
AND NOW THE HOST,
13
00:00:44,500 --> 00:00:46,500
MIKE EPPS!
14
00:00:53,700 --> 00:00:55,170
YEAH!
15
00:00:55,166 --> 00:00:58,826
ONE MORE TIME
FOR THE BADDEST DJ IN THE LAND-- KID CAPRI!
16
00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:04,470
DAMN, Y'ALL LOOK
GOOD AS HELL
17
00:01:04,467 --> 00:01:06,467
OUT HERE TONIGHT,
SHIT!
18
00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:08,667
WHO-- WHERE
Y'ALL KIDS AT?
19
00:01:08,667 --> 00:01:10,997
WHO'S TAKIN' CARE OF THE KIDS
WHILE Y'ALL UP HERE?
20
00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:12,630
KNOW Y'ALL DROPPED 'EM
21
00:01:12,633 --> 00:01:16,103
LITTLE BAD MOTHERFUCKERS
OFF SOMEWHERE.
22
00:01:16,100 --> 00:01:19,370
STAY ON THEIR ASS.
THAT'S RIGHT, STAY ON THEM MOTHERFUCKING KIDS' ASS
23
00:01:19,367 --> 00:01:23,167
'CAUSE DEPARTMENT
OF CORRECTION'LL CORRECT 'EM IF YOU DON'T CORRECT 'EM.
24
00:01:25,367 --> 00:01:28,297
THAT'S RIGHT,
BEAT THEM KIDS' ASS.
25
00:01:28,300 --> 00:01:31,800
AND GO TO THEIR SCHOOL AND--
YEAH, THE SCHOOL AIN'T SHIT NO MORE.
26
00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:34,000
THE TEACHERS
IS FUCKIN' THE KIDS.
27
00:01:37,633 --> 00:01:41,573
I'M MAD 'CAUSE
THEY WOULDN'T FUCK 'EM WHEN I WAS LITTLE.
28
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THERE WAS
A COUPLE TEACHERS
29
00:01:49,033 --> 00:01:51,733
I WOULDA HAD LIKED
TO HAD FUCKED!
30
00:01:51,734 --> 00:01:53,304
"STAY AFTER SCHOOL!"
31
00:01:53,300 --> 00:01:55,530
"NO PROBLEM, BITCH,
I'LL BE RIGHT HERE."
32
00:01:58,700 --> 00:02:00,900
NIGGA BE IN THE BACK,
BITIN' THE CONDOM--
33
00:02:05,300 --> 00:02:07,070
THAT'S RIGHT, WHUP THEM
MOTHERFUCKIN' KIDS.
34
00:02:07,066 --> 00:02:08,526
THAT'S WHAT'S WRONG
WITH WHITE KIDS,
35
00:02:08,533 --> 00:02:10,603
THEY DON'T GET
ENOUGH BEAT-DOWNS.
36
00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:15,030
AND THAT'S WHY WHITE KIDS'LL
KILL THEIR PARENTS.
37
00:02:16,700 --> 00:02:18,300
"GET READY FOR SCHOOL,
TIMMY."
38
00:02:18,300 --> 00:02:20,700
"SHUT UP, MOM,
YOU'RE A DEAD BITCH LATER."
39
00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:27,230
"TIMMY, NO!"
"YES, MOM!"
40
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YOU AIN'T NEVER HEARD
OF NO NIGGA KILLIN' HIS MAMA, HAVE YOU?
41
00:02:33,567 --> 00:02:35,867
'CAUSE IT'LL SHOOT-OUT
IN THAT MO--
42
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( mimics gunshots )
43
00:02:39,633 --> 00:02:42,033
"I GOTTA CALL YOU BACK.
THIS NIGGA BUSTIN' AT ME!"
44
00:02:42,033 --> 00:02:44,133
( mimics gunshots )
45
00:02:46,367 --> 00:02:48,097
COUCH FEATHERS AND SHIT
46
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FLYIN' ALL OVER THE PLACE,
47
00:02:50,500 --> 00:02:53,130
"I JUST SHOT MY GRANDSON.
LEMME CALL YOU BACK."
48
00:02:56,033 --> 00:02:57,703
Y'ALL READY
FOR SOME REAL COMEDY?
49
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Y'ALL PUT YOUR
MOTHERFUCKIN' HANDS TOGETHER!
50
00:03:04,266 --> 00:03:05,826
COMING TO THE STAGE,
51
00:03:05,834 --> 00:03:07,804
I'M TELLING Y'ALL,
Y'ALL GONNA REALLY ENJOY THIS MAN.
52
00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:09,670
Y'ALL DONE SEEN HIM
ALL OVER THE PLACE,
53
00:03:09,667 --> 00:03:12,097
HE USED TO BE
ON "RAP CITY."
54
00:03:12,100 --> 00:03:14,370
PUT YOU HANDS TOGETHER,
STRAIGHT OUTTA D.C.,
55
00:03:14,367 --> 00:03:16,797
FOR MY MAN,
JOE CLAIR, Y'ALL.
56
00:03:24,900 --> 00:03:26,530
'SUP?
57
00:03:26,533 --> 00:03:28,033
WHASSUP?
58
00:03:28,033 --> 00:03:29,903
WHASSUP, Y'ALL?
HOW YA FEELIN'?
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00:03:29,900 --> 00:03:31,370
GOOD TO SEE Y'ALL.
60
00:03:31,367 --> 00:03:34,827
I WAS IN THE SHOWER
TAKIN' A PISS, RIGHT,
61
00:03:38,467 --> 00:03:40,327
COME ON, NIGGAS,
BE REAL, FUCK THAT.
62
00:03:40,333 --> 00:03:42,133
EVERY NIGGA YOU KNOW
PISS IN THE SHOWER.
63
00:03:42,133 --> 00:03:44,903
LADIES, NIGGAS--
THAT'S WHAT WE DO.
64
00:03:44,900 --> 00:03:46,530
WE GOT MAN LOGIC.
65
00:03:46,533 --> 00:03:49,833
AND MAN LOGIC
DICTATES, THESE THE SAME MOTHERFUCKIN' PIPES.
66
00:03:49,834 --> 00:03:51,804
MAN, FUCK THAT!
67
00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:54,170
FOR REAL,
7:30 IN THE MORNING, IT'S COLD IN HERE,
68
00:03:54,166 --> 00:03:56,766
IT'S COLD OUT THERE,
IT'S WARM IN HERE, WHAT YOU DO?
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00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:00,500
( mutters )
MAN, FUCK THIS SHIT.
70
00:04:23,533 --> 00:04:25,273
SO I WAS IN THE SHOWER
TAKING A PISS,
71
00:04:25,266 --> 00:04:27,666
AND I WAS THINKING ABOUT
WHAT I WAS GONNA TALK TO Y'ALL ABOUT.
72
00:04:27,667 --> 00:04:30,597
SO I FIGURED OUT WHAT
I WANTED TO TALK ABOUT IS--
73
00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:32,200
YOU KNOW, I'M GETTING
MY SPIRITUALITY STRAIGHT,
74
00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:33,670
I'M GETTING OLDER NOW,
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
75
00:04:33,667 --> 00:04:36,897
SO YOU KNOW, IT'S
IMPORTANT TO ME NOW TO GET TO THAT.
76
00:04:36,900 --> 00:04:38,800
IF YOU GOIN' THROUGH
TIMES OF MY AGE,
77
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DO THAT, MAN.
'CAUSE YOU KNOW, I'M WATCHING CHURCH NOW,
78
00:04:41,667 --> 00:04:43,797
YOU KNOW
WHAT I'M SAYING?
79
00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:47,370
FUCK Y'ALL, NIGGA,
I'M WATCHING!
80
00:04:47,367 --> 00:04:50,667
I AIN'T AS FAR ALONG
IN MY WALK AS SOME OF Y'ALL. FUCK THAT!
81
00:04:50,667 --> 00:04:52,467
I'M WATCHING CHURCH
COME ON AT HOME, NIGGA,
82
00:04:52,467 --> 00:04:54,227
THAT'S THE PERFECT PLACE
TO START!
83
00:04:54,233 --> 00:04:57,173
AT HOME. SO YOU KNOW,
I'M WATCHING CHURCH, BUT I GOT A QUESTION THOUGH--
84
00:04:57,166 --> 00:05:00,666
WHAT'S UP WITH THE LIKE,
THE MUSIC MINISTRY IN THE CHURCH?
85
00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:02,627
I BE WATCHING,
"WHAT'S GOING ON, IT'S A LITTLE--
86
00:05:02,633 --> 00:05:04,403
( chuckles )
87
00:05:05,967 --> 00:05:08,627
I'M SERIOUS DO ANYBODY--
I AIN'T SAYING NOTHING,
88
00:05:08,633 --> 00:05:10,633
BUT DO ANYBODY KNOW
BOBBY JONES,
89
00:05:10,633 --> 00:05:12,933
ON "THE BOBBY JONES
GOSPEL HOUR"?
90
00:05:12,934 --> 00:05:15,174
ALL RIGHT, LOOK,
I AIN'T KNOW BOBBY JONES.
91
00:05:15,166 --> 00:05:18,166
SO I LEFT
THE TV ON ONE NIGHT, AND WENT OUT SINNING, RIGHT?
92
00:05:18,166 --> 00:05:20,326
YOU KNOW, I WENT OUT
DRINKING AND SHIT.
93
00:05:20,333 --> 00:05:23,673
SO-- FOR REAL, NIGGA!
I WAS GONNA WATCH CHURCH IN THE MORNING.
94
00:05:23,667 --> 00:05:25,897
SO, YOU KNOW,
I LEFT IT ON AND OVERSLEPT.
95
00:05:25,900 --> 00:05:27,670
AND I WAS DREAMING
ALL A SUDDEN,
96
00:05:27,667 --> 00:05:30,627
IN MY DREAM,
MOTHERFUCKIN' BOBBY JONES CAME ON,
97
00:05:30,633 --> 00:05:32,333
ALL THE FUCK
I HEARD WAS,
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00:05:32,333 --> 00:05:35,433
"YES, YES!
99
00:05:35,433 --> 00:05:37,273
GOOD MORNIN' BELOVED!
100
00:05:37,266 --> 00:05:39,396
YES, YES!"
101
00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:41,800
I WAS LIKE,
"WHAT THE FUCK, WHAT THE HELL?
102
00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:43,730
LITTLE RICHARD
GOT A MORNING SHOW?
103
00:05:43,734 --> 00:05:45,604
WHAT THE FUCK
IS GOING ON?"
104
00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:48,530
"MMM-HMM! THIS IS
THE BOBBY JONES
105
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GOSPEL HOUR, UH-HUH!
106
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:53,500
AND I AM--
OH GEE, BOBBY JONES.
107
00:05:58,033 --> 00:06:00,973
WE GOT SOME BOYS
THAT'S GONNA COME OUT AND SING A SONG."
108
00:06:00,967 --> 00:06:03,697
I SAID,
"WHAT THE FUCK?"
109
00:06:03,700 --> 00:06:07,170
AND SEE THE GAY THING
IS A BIG ISSUE IN AMERICA.
110
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SEE, I GOT
A SPECIAL RELATIONSHIP WITH THAT SHIT.
111
00:06:09,233 --> 00:06:12,103
'CAUSE I'M
THE GAY DUDE'S BROTHER.
112
00:06:12,100 --> 00:06:14,870
Y'ALL ACT LIKE
Y'ALL DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
113
00:06:14,867 --> 00:06:17,927
Y'ALL KNOW HOW
EVERY NEIGHBORHOOD GOT A GAY DUDE?
114
00:06:17,934 --> 00:06:19,704
AND HE GOT A BROTHER?
115
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NIGGA, THAT'S ME!
116
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Y'ALL CRUEL AS SHIT
TO THE GAY DUDE'S BROTHER.
117
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Y'ALL SOME EVIL
MOTHERFUCKERS, MAN!
118
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I'M SERIOUS, MAN,
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE.
119
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YOU KNOW, YOU--
I SEE THE WORLD DIFFERENTLY.
120
00:06:37,233 --> 00:06:39,773
SEE, LIKE AIN'T NOBODY HERE
THAT KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE
121
00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:42,767
TO HAVE TO GO
TO THE GAY PRIDE PARADE WHEN YOU 11,
122
00:06:42,767 --> 00:06:45,527
'CAUSE YOUR
MOTHER AIN'T GOT NO BABYSITTER MONEY.
123
00:06:46,734 --> 00:06:49,074
MY BROTHER HAD
TO WATCH ME THAT DAY.
124
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SO NIGGA, I HAD TO GO
DOWN THE GAY PRIDE PARADE, I WAS 11 YEARS OLD, NIGGA,
125
00:06:52,433 --> 00:06:54,773
AND THEN HIM
AND HIS FRIENDS DRESSED ME UP,
126
00:06:54,767 --> 00:06:56,627
I HAD ON SOMEBODY'S
MOTHERFUCKIN'
127
00:06:56,633 --> 00:06:59,603
"MORK AND MINDY"
SUSPENDERS AND SHIT.
128
00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:02,870
YOU KNOW THE MORK
FROM ORK JONES, NIGGA, I HAD ON SOME SUSPENDERS.
129
00:07:02,867 --> 00:07:04,697
I'M DOWN AT THE GAY PRIDE
PARADE AND SHIT,
130
00:07:04,700 --> 00:07:07,200
I GOT FACE PAINT
AND SHIT ON,
131
00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:09,330
COTTON CANDY
AND SHIT,
132
00:07:11,166 --> 00:07:13,926
BUT TELL YOU THE TRUTH,
I HAD A GOOD TIME, I AIN'T GONNA LIE.
133
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:17,404
I HAD A GOOD TIME, NIGGA.
I WAS 11, NIGGA, I WAS 11.
134
00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:19,630
I WAS 11, NIGGA,
THEY HAD COTTON CANDY
135
00:07:19,633 --> 00:07:21,433
AND FACE PAINT,
FUCK THAT.
136
00:07:21,433 --> 00:07:24,133
THERE WASN'T NO FIGHTS,
ALL THAT SHIT.
137
00:07:24,133 --> 00:07:25,603
BUT I--
138
00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:28,330
BUT I DIDN'T KNOW
THEY WAS DOWN THERE TAKING PICTURES.
139
00:07:29,500 --> 00:07:31,500
HEY, MAN, THEY DOWN THERE
TAKING PICTURES.
140
00:07:31,500 --> 00:07:34,430
AND THE NEXT DAY,
I'M ON THE FRONT PAGE OF THE WASHINGTON POST
141
00:07:34,433 --> 00:07:36,403
AND THE CAPTION READS,
142
00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:38,630
"WASHINGTON D.C.'S
GAY POPULATION
143
00:07:38,633 --> 00:07:41,403
GETS YOUNGER
AND YOUNGER."
144
00:07:43,333 --> 00:07:46,173
AND I'M STANDING THERE
LOOKING GOOFY AS A MOTHERFUCKER
145
00:07:46,166 --> 00:07:48,526
WITH THEM "MORK AND MINDY"
SUSPENDERS ON AND SHIT,
146
00:07:48,533 --> 00:07:50,403
WITH THE FACE PAINT--
147
00:07:53,934 --> 00:07:56,434
AND MY BROTHER AND THEM
STANDING BEHIND ME POSING.
148
00:07:59,033 --> 00:08:00,833
"DO THE SUPREMES!
149
00:08:05,333 --> 00:08:08,233
NO, DO THE EMOTIONS."
150
00:08:09,367 --> 00:08:11,097
THAT'S MY BROTHER THOUGH,
FUCK THAT.
151
00:08:11,100 --> 00:08:13,900
I STAND BY MY BROTHER,
BUT I DO GOTTA ADMIT
152
00:08:13,900 --> 00:08:16,400
I DO GOT ONE HOMOPHOBIA--
153
00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:19,230
AMERICA DON'T
LIKE TO ADMIT IT GOT NO HO-- I GOT ONE.
154
00:08:19,233 --> 00:08:21,303
I DON'T LIKE
NO GAY DUDE
155
00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:23,500
GIVING ME
NOTHING CREAMY.
156
00:08:25,100 --> 00:08:27,830
DON'T NO GAY DUDE
BETTER NEVER HAND ME NOTHING CREAMY,
157
00:08:27,834 --> 00:08:29,404
I'D FUCKING
RATHER LOSE IT.
158
00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:31,470
YOU KNOW, LIKE YOU WALK
IN STARBUCKS,
159
00:08:31,467 --> 00:08:33,397
YOU KNOW THE DUDE,
HE OBVIOUSLY GAY,
160
00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:36,400
HE GOT THE PINK THING ON
AND THE SUSPENDERS,
161
00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:41,030
HE GOT THE SUSPENDERS, NIGGA,
YOU WALK UP, AND HE'S LIKE,
162
00:08:41,033 --> 00:08:43,273
"WELCOME TO STARBUCKS!
WOULD YOU--
163
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:47,730
WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY
A PUMPKIN SCONE,
164
00:08:47,734 --> 00:08:50,474
OR A SPICED CHAI LATTE?"
165
00:08:55,633 --> 00:08:58,133
"IS IT CREAMY?
166
00:08:58,133 --> 00:09:00,203
NIGGA, IS IT CREAMY?"
167
00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:03,370
"WHAT, THE LATTE? OH YES,
IT'S MADE WITH VITAMIN D WHOLE MILK,
168
00:09:03,367 --> 00:09:05,127
AND IT'S GOT
WHIPPED CREAM
169
00:09:05,133 --> 00:09:07,733
AND EXTRA FROTH,
AND CREAM,
170
00:09:07,734 --> 00:09:10,734
AND YOU CAN GET
MORE CREAM IN IT, AND SOME MORE CREAM."
171
00:09:10,734 --> 00:09:12,374
"FUCK NO!
172
00:09:12,367 --> 00:09:14,927
FUCK NO,
I DON'T WANT ONE! GIMME BLACK COFFEE, NIGGA!
173
00:09:14,934 --> 00:09:16,804
REGULAR BLACK COFFEE!
174
00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:18,800
AND LEAVE
THE TOP OFF MY SHIT
175
00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:22,000
SO I CAN SEE IT.
THERE BETTER NOT EVEN BE NO BUBBLES ON MY SHIT.
176
00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:24,270
UH, CHAD!
177
00:09:24,266 --> 00:09:27,426
THERE BETTER NOT BE NO
BUBBLES ON MY SHIT, CHAD!
178
00:09:27,433 --> 00:09:29,903
RING MY SHIT UP, NIGGA."
179
00:09:29,900 --> 00:09:31,530
SIX WEEKS LATER,
180
00:09:31,533 --> 00:09:34,133
NIGGA, I GO TO QUIZNO'S,
181
00:09:35,266 --> 00:09:38,166
CHAD WORK PART-TIME
AT QUIZNO'S.
182
00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:44,070
"WELCOME TO QUIZNO'S.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY
183
00:09:44,066 --> 00:09:47,166
A BACON BARBEQUE CHIPOTLE
CHITLIN SUB?
184
00:09:49,033 --> 00:09:51,903
IT'S TOASTED.
MMM-MM-MM MM-MMM!
185
00:09:55,133 --> 00:09:57,473
"IS IT CREAMY?"
186
00:09:57,467 --> 00:10:00,997
"YES, IT'S GOT
A SPICY HABANERO MAYONNAISE SPREAD
187
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,870
AND IT'S GOT
CREAMY CHEESE--"
188
00:10:02,867 --> 00:10:05,497
"FUCK NO!
FUCK NO, NIGGA, GIVE ME TURKEY,
189
00:10:05,500 --> 00:10:07,270
REGULAR TURKEY,
IN MY HAND,
190
00:10:07,266 --> 00:10:08,826
DON'T EVEN PUT MY SHIT
THROUGH THE OVEN, NIGGA,
191
00:10:08,834 --> 00:10:11,104
FUCK THAT!
192
00:10:11,100 --> 00:10:12,770
I DON'T EVEN
WANT NO BREAD.
193
00:10:12,767 --> 00:10:15,397
Y'ALL AROUND HERE
GOT CREAMY BREAD. GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE.
194
00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:17,800
HEY, MY NAME IS JOE CLAIR,
PEACE. HOLLA AT Y'ALL.
195
00:10:28,433 --> 00:10:30,333
JOE CLAIR, Y'ALL.
196
00:10:30,333 --> 00:10:33,103
COMING TO THE STAGE
STRAIGHT OUTTA KNOXVILLE, TENNESSEE,
197
00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:35,270
HE'S MAKING HIS DEBUT
ON "DEF COMEDY JAM,"
198
00:10:35,266 --> 00:10:37,896
PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER
FOR JASPER REDD!
199
00:10:58,533 --> 00:11:00,073
THANK YOU.
200
00:11:00,066 --> 00:11:01,896
THANK YOU, MAN.
201
00:11:01,900 --> 00:11:05,670
KEEP IT GOING FOR YOUR HOST
AND OUR COMEDY CONDUCTOR, MR. MIKE EPPS.
202
00:11:08,633 --> 00:11:10,403
AND KEEP IT GOING
FOR DJ KID CAPRI.
203
00:11:12,633 --> 00:11:14,403
AND GIVE IT UP
FOR YOURSELVES
204
00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:17,930
FOR COMING OUT
TO THE RETURN OF "DEF JAM." WE APPRECIATE IT, MAN!
205
00:11:17,934 --> 00:11:19,874
Y'ALL BLACK AND BEAUTIFUL.
206
00:11:23,367 --> 00:11:25,627
I LOVE THAT, MAN.
207
00:11:25,633 --> 00:11:28,073
ONLY AT A SHOW--
208
00:11:31,233 --> 00:11:33,603
ONLY AT A SHOW
CAN I JUST TELL A GROUP OF PEOPLE
209
00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:35,670
WHO I DON'T
FUCKIN' KNOW
210
00:11:35,667 --> 00:11:38,097
TO CLAP
AND Y'ALL DO IT.
211
00:11:38,100 --> 00:11:41,130
THAT'S A POWER TRIP.
212
00:11:41,133 --> 00:11:44,403
NOW IF I WORKED
AT McDONALDS OR SOMEWHERE,
213
00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:48,100
I COULDN'T HAVE
THAT SAME SWAGGER.
214
00:11:48,100 --> 00:11:50,300
I CAN'T BE BEHIND
THE REGISTER
215
00:11:50,300 --> 00:11:52,330
ACTING A FOOL, YOU KNOW
WHAT I MEAN?
216
00:11:52,333 --> 00:11:54,373
"OH, YEAH,
HOLD ON, SIR,
217
00:11:54,367 --> 00:11:55,927
HOLD ON ONE.
218
00:11:55,934 --> 00:11:58,034
NOW BEFORE I TAKE
YOUR ORDER, MA'AM,
219
00:11:58,033 --> 00:12:00,303
WHY DON'T YOU GIVE IT UP
FOR MY HOMEBOY JAMES
220
00:12:00,300 --> 00:12:02,170
OVER HERE
ON DRIVE-THROUGH?
221
00:12:02,166 --> 00:12:04,626
BIG GREASY JAMES, MAN!
222
00:12:04,633 --> 00:12:06,773
TAKíN' 'EM ORDERS OUT
ELOQUENTLY.
223
00:12:06,767 --> 00:12:08,367
AND NOW WHILE YOU
AT IT, KEEP IT GOING
224
00:12:08,367 --> 00:12:10,767
FOR THE ASSISTANT MANAGER,
DOUGLAS,
225
00:12:10,767 --> 00:12:14,127
WHO GOT SHOT
DURING A ROBBERY LAST NIGHT,
226
00:12:14,133 --> 00:12:16,733
BUT HE STILL
CAME IN TO WORK TODAY. GIVE IT UP FOR DOUG NOW!
227
00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:20,500
SOMEBODY LOVIN' IT.
228
00:12:20,500 --> 00:12:22,470
NOW...
229
00:12:22,467 --> 00:12:23,967
ME AND MY COUSIN LIONEL,
230
00:12:23,967 --> 00:12:26,667
WE WAS TALKING
THE OTHER DAY,
231
00:12:26,667 --> 00:12:29,527
TALKING ABOUT FINANCES.
232
00:12:29,533 --> 00:12:31,173
MONEY.
233
00:12:31,166 --> 00:12:33,026
AND HE'S LIKE,
"JASPER, LEMME ASK YOU THIS."
234
00:12:33,033 --> 00:12:35,073
"LIONEL LIKE,
WHASSUP, MAN?" HE'S LIKE,
235
00:12:35,066 --> 00:12:37,966
"IF YOU WON
$10 MILLION,
236
00:12:37,967 --> 00:12:39,597
WOULD YOU CONTINUE
237
00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:41,800
TO PERFORM STAND-UP
AFTERWARDS?"
238
00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:45,200
AND I SAID,
"NEGATIVE."
239
00:12:49,300 --> 00:12:50,830
AND HE WAS SURPRISED
BY MY ANSWER.
240
00:12:50,834 --> 00:12:53,504
HE WAS LIKE,
"HOW COME, JASPER?" I SAID, "BECAUSE, LIONEL,
241
00:12:53,500 --> 00:12:55,730
IT'S GONNA BE HARD
FOR ME TO TELL A JOKE
242
00:12:55,734 --> 00:12:58,534
AFTER I BUY A SPACE SHIP
AND A CASTLE.
243
00:13:01,100 --> 00:13:03,470
I'M GONNA
BE OCCUPIED, MAN.
244
00:13:03,467 --> 00:13:06,267
AND EVEN IF I DID CONTINUE
TO TELL JOKES AFTER THAT,
245
00:13:06,266 --> 00:13:08,566
MY SHIT
WOULD BE UNRELATABLE.
246
00:13:10,066 --> 00:13:11,826
THE POINT IS, THEY SAY
247
00:13:11,834 --> 00:13:14,304
WHEN YOU RUN INTO
A LOT OF MONEY,
248
00:13:14,300 --> 00:13:16,830
THAT WILL REVEAL THE PERSON
YOU TRULY ARE INSIDE.
249
00:13:16,834 --> 00:13:20,134
THE SAY THAT IT BRING IT
RIGHT ON OUT.
250
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:21,973
AND I THINK IT'S TRUE.
251
00:13:21,967 --> 00:13:24,497
'CAUSE A WHILE BACK,
I DON'T KNOW IF Y'ALL READ UP ON THIS,
252
00:13:24,500 --> 00:13:26,400
A CAT IN KENTUCKY
253
00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:29,130
WON $50 MILLION
IN THE LOTTERY.
254
00:13:29,133 --> 00:13:31,573
AND AFTER HE WON
HIS 50 MILLION,
255
00:13:31,567 --> 00:13:34,297
HE KEPT HIS JOB
AS A MAILMAN.
256
00:13:34,300 --> 00:13:36,370
MMM.
257
00:13:40,266 --> 00:13:42,066
SO 50 MILLION REVEALED
258
00:13:42,066 --> 00:13:45,726
THAT THIS DUDE'S
RETARDED.
259
00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:48,970
YEAH, MAN,
THAT'S 50 MILLION.
260
00:13:48,967 --> 00:13:51,097
WHAT THE HELL
YOU DOING, MAN?
261
00:13:51,100 --> 00:13:53,000
IF I WIN 50 MILLION
AS A MAILMAN,
262
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:55,600
THE ONLY THING
I'M DELIVERING IS A "FUCK YOU."
263
00:13:56,900 --> 00:13:58,870
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
264
00:13:58,867 --> 00:14:01,097
'CAUSE I CALL IN SICK
WHEN I FIND A DOLLAR,
265
00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:04,500
LET ALONE 50 MILLION.
266
00:14:07,433 --> 00:14:11,173
MONEY. I NEED
SOME MONEY, MAN.
267
00:14:11,166 --> 00:14:14,096
I'M 27 YEARS OLD.
268
00:14:14,100 --> 00:14:17,330
I'M TIRED OF LIVING
WITHOUT THINGS LIKE HEALTH CARE.
269
00:14:18,900 --> 00:14:21,400
ANYBODY ELSE
LIVING DANGEROUSLY IN THE AUDIENCE, MAN?
270
00:14:22,834 --> 00:14:25,274
IT'S CRAZY.
WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE HEALTHCARE, MAN,
271
00:14:25,266 --> 00:14:26,966
YOU GOTTA GO
UNDEFEATED.
272
00:14:28,900 --> 00:14:30,730
KNOW WHAT
I'M TALKING ABOUT?
273
00:14:30,734 --> 00:14:32,474
NO ILLNESSES,
NO INJURIES,
274
00:14:32,467 --> 00:14:34,527
YOU GOTTA
BE HEFTY, MAN.
275
00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:37,330
IT'S LIKE
I'M "SUPER MARIO"
276
00:14:37,333 --> 00:14:39,573
WITH ONE MAN LEFT.
277
00:14:39,567 --> 00:14:43,227
IN NEED OF A 1-UP,
YOU KNOW?"
278
00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:47,670
AND YOU CAN'T DO SHIT
WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE HEALTH CARE, MAN,
279
00:14:47,667 --> 00:14:49,467
LIKE WHEN
YOU HURT YOURSELF.
280
00:14:49,467 --> 00:14:52,267
NOW YOU CAN'T CALL 911
FOR A AMBULANCE.
281
00:14:53,533 --> 00:14:55,303
THAT'S OUT
OF THE QUESTION.
282
00:14:55,300 --> 00:14:57,700
'CAUSE IF YOU DON'T
HAVE HEALTH COVERAGE,
283
00:14:57,700 --> 00:14:59,930
THAT'S GONNA
COST YOU A G.
284
00:14:59,934 --> 00:15:02,074
SO WHEN I'M HANGING OUT
WITH MY BOYS AND WHATNOT,
285
00:15:02,066 --> 00:15:04,026
I'LL BE LIKE,
"LOOK, Y'ALL, LISTEN UP.
286
00:15:05,233 --> 00:15:07,603
MMM! NOW LOOK,
IF SOMETHING HAPPENS,
287
00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:10,630
TO MYSELF TONIGHT
WHILE WE KICKIN' IT,
288
00:15:10,633 --> 00:15:14,573
DON'T NEITHER ONE
OF YOU MOTHERFUCKERS CALL 911, YOU UNDERSTAND?"
289
00:15:15,767 --> 00:15:18,097
I AIN'T GOT
THAT TYPE OF MONEY YET.
290
00:15:18,100 --> 00:15:22,130
INSTEAD, YOU CALL...
( garbled speech )
291
00:15:22,133 --> 00:15:23,973
THAT'S MY MAMA.
292
00:15:26,533 --> 00:15:28,603
HEY, I BE JASPER REDD.
THANK Y'ALL VERY MUCH.
293
00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:38,600
Epps:
PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER FOR MY MAN RED GRANT.
294
00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:45,430
YOU BETTER HAVE FUN TODAY
'CAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW
295
00:15:45,433 --> 00:15:48,073
IF YOU'RE GONNA BE HERE
TOMORROW, MOTHERFUCKER.
296
00:15:48,066 --> 00:15:51,766
SHIT, SOME OF Y'ALL
UP IN HERE LOOKING CRAZY AS SHIT.
297
00:15:51,767 --> 00:15:54,297
SHIT, I ALMOST
AIN'T MAKE IT HERE.
298
00:15:54,300 --> 00:15:57,000
I HAD GAS
LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER.
299
00:15:58,166 --> 00:16:01,396
YOU EVER HAD GAS
IN A FUCKED-UP PLACE?
300
00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:04,230
I HAD GAS ON THE PLANE.
301
00:16:04,233 --> 00:16:07,403
AND I THOUGHT I
COULD LET THE GAS GO
302
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,570
'CAUSE OF THEM
CUSHIONY SEATS.
303
00:16:10,934 --> 00:16:12,774
YOU FART IN THAT SEAT,
304
00:16:12,767 --> 00:16:14,827
THE SEAT MIGHT
CATCH THE FART.
305
00:16:16,133 --> 00:16:18,003
BUT I MUST HAVE
FUCKED AROUND
306
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:20,200
AND SCOOTED DOWN
TOO FAR...
307
00:16:21,533 --> 00:16:24,803
AND THE GAS GOT OUT.
308
00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:29,170
I KNEW IT WAS GONNA BE
SOME FUCKED-UP GAS WHEN IT PASSED ME.
309
00:16:31,500 --> 00:16:36,130
YOU KNOW HOW YOU SMELL
YOUR OWN SHIT, YOU BE LIKE, "NH NH NH!
310
00:16:38,166 --> 00:16:39,566
NN!
311
00:16:43,333 --> 00:16:45,173
THIS GONNA FUCK THEM UP."
312
00:16:46,867 --> 00:16:48,867
AND AS THE GAS
LINGERED BACK
313
00:16:48,867 --> 00:16:50,827
INTO THE CONGREGATION
OF THE PLANE,
314
00:16:50,834 --> 00:16:54,404
WHITE PEOPLE WAS
ON THE PLANE RINGING THEM BELLS AND SHIT.
315
00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:57,330
"STEWARDESS,
WE NEED OXYGEN."
316
00:16:58,633 --> 00:17:00,533
I'M UP THERE ACTING
LIKE I DIDN'T DO NOTHING.
317
00:17:00,533 --> 00:17:02,103
( giggles )
318
00:17:02,100 --> 00:17:04,730
I WAS LIKE,
"STEWARDESS, YOU GOT SOME MORE PEANUTS?"
319
00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:08,770
THEIR LIPS START GETTING
DRY AND SHIT.
320
00:17:08,767 --> 00:17:10,967
( giggles )
321
00:17:10,967 --> 00:17:13,667
SOME OF Y'ALL OUT OF SHAPE
AND DON'T EVEN KNOW IT.
322
00:17:13,667 --> 00:17:16,997
THAT'S WHY I TELL PEOPLE,
DON'T GIVE 110%
323
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:19,430
WHEN YOU MAKING LOVE
IF YOU OUT OF SHAPE.
324
00:17:19,433 --> 00:17:21,703
GIVE 95.
325
00:17:21,700 --> 00:17:24,070
'CAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW
YOU OUT OF SHAPE
326
00:17:24,066 --> 00:17:28,166
UNTIL AFTER YOU FINISH
AND SHIT START HAPPENING TO YOU.
327
00:17:28,166 --> 00:17:29,896
LIKE, YOU EVER BE
FINISHED MAKING LOVE,
328
00:17:29,900 --> 00:17:31,630
YOU'RE GIVING YOUR THING,
YOU BE LIKE,
329
00:17:31,633 --> 00:17:35,033
"YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!"
330
00:17:35,033 --> 00:17:37,173
AND YOU GET UP, YOU BE JUST
WALKING TO THE BATHROOM,
331
00:17:37,166 --> 00:17:40,626
JUST TO THE BATHROOM,
AND YOUR KNEE BUCKLE OUT.
332
00:17:42,533 --> 00:17:44,633
"SHIT!"
333
00:17:47,133 --> 00:17:49,103
SHE'LL BE LIKE,
"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?"
334
00:17:49,100 --> 00:17:51,330
"OH, THAT'S MY BAD KNEE.
THAT'S MY FUCKED-UP--"
335
00:17:51,333 --> 00:17:55,373
OR YOU FUCK AROUND,
CATCH A CRAMP IN THE BACK OF YOUR LEG.
336
00:17:55,367 --> 00:17:57,467
LADIES, WHEN Y'ALL
CATCH A CRAMP
337
00:17:57,467 --> 00:18:01,267
Y'ALL ASS WILL STOP
ON THE CRAMP.
338
00:18:01,266 --> 00:18:03,766
Y'ALL LET A BROTHER
KNOW IMMEDIATELY
339
00:18:03,767 --> 00:18:05,927
YOU GOT A CRAMP
IN YOUR LEG.
340
00:18:05,934 --> 00:18:09,104
SOON AS YOU CATCH THE CRAMP
YOU BE LIKE, "OW!
341
00:18:09,100 --> 00:18:11,300
"NIGGER, OW!
342
00:18:11,300 --> 00:18:14,930
RED, PUT MY LEG DOWN, RED!
343
00:18:14,934 --> 00:18:18,274
GET YOUR LEG OFF MY SHOULDER.
I GOT A CRAMP!
344
00:18:18,266 --> 00:18:22,496
A BROTHER DON'T GIVE A FUCK.
HE'LL STROKE THROUGH A CRAMP.
345
00:18:23,700 --> 00:18:27,470
A BROTHER BE LIKE,
"YEAH, GIRL, YEAH.
346
00:18:27,467 --> 00:18:31,697
YEAH-- THAT'S ALL TOES,
THAT'S ALL TOES.
347
00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:34,730
THAT'S ALL TOES
RIGHT THERE.
348
00:18:34,734 --> 00:18:36,604
THAT'S ALL TOES.
349
00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:40,170
YEAH, YEAH.
350
00:18:40,166 --> 00:18:42,266
SHIT!
351
00:18:42,266 --> 00:18:44,196
AH, SHIT!
352
00:18:46,300 --> 00:18:48,470
I DON'T KNOW,
IT FEEL LIKE A CRAMP OR SOMETHING.
353
00:18:48,467 --> 00:18:50,097
IT'S A CRAMP!
354
00:18:50,100 --> 00:18:51,930
( groans )
355
00:18:51,934 --> 00:18:55,174
OH, SHIT.
GRAB MY FOOT GIRL, GRAB MY FOOT!
356
00:18:55,166 --> 00:18:58,566
GET MY CALF,
GET MY CALF.
357
00:18:58,567 --> 00:19:01,027
YEAH, IT'S GONE NOW.
IT'S GONE NOW."
358
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:06,770
( giggles )
359
00:19:06,767 --> 00:19:10,227
AND SOME STUFF YOU'RE DOIN'
OUT THERE, FELLAS, I'MA TELL YOU
360
00:19:10,233 --> 00:19:13,073
IT'S EITHER A FOUL TIP
OR IT'S FOUL.
361
00:19:13,066 --> 00:19:15,166
SOME OF Y'ALL IS
DOING GAY STUFF
362
00:19:15,166 --> 00:19:17,096
AND DON'T EVEN KNOW
YOU'RE GAY.
363
00:19:17,100 --> 00:19:18,330
MM-HMM.
364
00:19:19,767 --> 00:19:21,867
AND I'M HEARING
THAT SOME OF Y'ALL FELLAS
365
00:19:21,867 --> 00:19:25,297
IS LETTING WOMEN STICK
THEY FINGER IN YOUR ASS.
366
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:30,127
AND YOU THINK
THE SHIT IS CUTE.
367
00:19:30,133 --> 00:19:34,303
THAT IS NOT A FOUL TIP.
THAT IS ALL THE WAY FOUL.
368
00:19:36,367 --> 00:19:38,327
'CAUSE THEY ARE TRYING
TO TEST YOU TO SEE
369
00:19:38,333 --> 00:19:40,733
IF YOU GONNA LET 'EM
STICK THEIR FINGER IN YOUR ASS.
370
00:19:40,734 --> 00:19:44,274
AND SOME OF Y'ALL NIGGERS
IS RIGHT HERE WITH IT, RIGHT HERE.
371
00:19:44,266 --> 00:19:46,726
NIGGER, YOU IS
A BUTTHOLE BANDIT.
372
00:19:50,333 --> 00:19:53,773
I DON'T EVEN LET WOMEN
LICK MY ASS...
373
00:19:53,767 --> 00:19:54,767
...NO MORE.
374
00:19:54,767 --> 00:19:56,597
I DON'T LET
THAT SHIT HAPPEN--
375
00:20:00,166 --> 00:20:03,166
THAT SHIT FELT GOOD
AS A MOTHERFUCKER!
376
00:20:03,166 --> 00:20:07,226
I WAS LIKE, "SHIT!
I DON'T BELIEVE THAT SHIT!"
377
00:20:07,233 --> 00:20:09,073
SHE WAS LICKING MY ASS,
I WAS... ( groans )
378
00:20:09,066 --> 00:20:11,696
I HAD TO HIT HER WITH A HOOK!
"GET THE FUCK OFF ME!"
379
00:20:13,734 --> 00:20:15,504
KNOCKED HER ASS OUT.
380
00:20:17,633 --> 00:20:20,473
BUT I WILL LET 'EM
LICK THE LITTLE AREA
381
00:20:20,467 --> 00:20:23,827
BETWEEN THE BALLS
AND THE ASS.
382
00:20:23,834 --> 00:20:28,834
THIS LITTLE AREA
RIGHT HERE.
383
00:20:28,834 --> 00:20:31,734
THIS LITTLE AREA.
384
00:20:33,066 --> 00:20:36,526
THAT SHIT WILL MAKE A DOG
LIFT HIS OWN LEGS UP.
385
00:20:36,533 --> 00:20:38,503
YOU BE IN THE ROOM,
LIKE "SHIT!
386
00:20:38,500 --> 00:20:41,830
WHAT THE FUCK?
387
00:20:41,834 --> 00:20:44,004
I DON'T BELIEVE THIS SHIT!
388
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:47,870
HEY, I'M RED GRANT.
I HOPE Y'ALL HAD A GOOD-ASS MOTHERFUCKING TIME.
389
00:20:53,533 --> 00:20:56,273
WHOA!
390
00:20:56,266 --> 00:20:58,266
WE GONNA KEEP IT ROLLING.
391
00:20:58,266 --> 00:21:00,026
THIS NEXT MAN
COMING TO THE STAGE,
392
00:21:00,033 --> 00:21:02,273
HE'S NO STRANGER
TO SHOW BUSINESS.
393
00:21:02,266 --> 00:21:04,696
USED TO SEE HIM ON THE HOST
"AT THE APOLLO."
394
00:21:04,700 --> 00:21:07,330
HE HAD HIS OWN SHOW CALLED
"HANGING WITH MR. COOPER."
395
00:21:07,333 --> 00:21:10,473
PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER
FOR THE BAY AREA'S OWN
396
00:21:10,467 --> 00:21:12,467
MARK CURRY!
397
00:21:17,367 --> 00:21:19,327
WHAT IS GOING ON?
398
00:21:19,333 --> 00:21:21,503
WHOO!
399
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:24,730
MR. CAPRI,
HOW YOU DOING?
400
00:21:24,734 --> 00:21:27,534
- WHAT'S UP, PEOPLE?
- ( cheering )
401
00:21:27,533 --> 00:21:30,103
YOU'RE LOOKING GOOD.
ALL THIS GOOD ENERGY.
402
00:21:30,100 --> 00:21:32,730
THAT'S RIGHT.
THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING.
403
00:21:32,734 --> 00:21:34,634
LET'S GET STRAIGHT TO IT.
WE AT WAR.
404
00:21:34,633 --> 00:21:36,503
I WAS WATCHING A LITTLE SHOW--
"FEAR FACTOR."
405
00:21:36,500 --> 00:21:39,170
NICE LITTLE SHOW.
BUT YOU KNOW I'M SAYING, IMPRESS ME.
406
00:21:39,166 --> 00:21:42,396
LET'S DO "FEAR FACTOR"
IN IRAQ.
407
00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:45,770
"ALL WE WANT YOU TO DO
IS RUN ACROSS THE STREET. THAT'S ALL WE WANT YOU TO DO."
408
00:21:46,834 --> 00:21:48,174
"OOH!"
( mimics machine gun )
409
00:21:48,166 --> 00:21:49,596
"WHO'S NEXT?
STEP UP PLEASE.
410
00:21:51,133 --> 00:21:53,333
ONE MILLION DOLLARS,
LET'S DO IT, LET'S GO-- WHOA!
411
00:21:53,333 --> 00:21:56,733
WHO'S NEXT?
412
00:21:56,734 --> 00:21:59,274
I'M TIRED OF SEEING
OUR YOUNG SOLDIERS DYING FOR NO REASON.
413
00:21:59,266 --> 00:22:01,266
I'M TIRED OF IT.
I DON'T CARE WHAT NOBODY SAYS.
414
00:22:01,266 --> 00:22:03,296
- ( wild applause )
- I DON'T CARE!
415
00:22:03,300 --> 00:22:05,270
I DON'T CARE, I DON'T' CARE.
416
00:22:05,266 --> 00:22:08,066
YOU KNOW WHO SHOULD BE
THE FIRST PERSON TO GO TO WAR?
417
00:22:08,066 --> 00:22:10,426
THE PEOPLE WHO
DON'T BELONG IN SOCIETY.
418
00:22:10,433 --> 00:22:13,233
LET'S GO TO DEATH ROW.
THE SERIAL KILLERS, LET'S PULL 'EM OUT.
419
00:22:13,233 --> 00:22:14,803
LET'S GO.
420
00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:18,570
4:00 IN THE MORNING--
"GET UP, LET'S GO, STEP UP HERE."
421
00:22:19,567 --> 00:22:20,767
"NOW, WHAT HAPPENED?"
422
00:22:20,767 --> 00:22:24,227
"EVERY TIME THE DOG BARKS
I LIKE TO KILL PEOPLE."
423
00:22:24,233 --> 00:22:26,033
"EVERY TIME THE DOG--
ROWFF-- YOU LIKE--
424
00:22:26,033 --> 00:22:27,973
THE DOG JUST CALLED.
HE WANTS YOU TO GO TO IRAQ.
425
00:22:27,967 --> 00:22:29,927
LET'S GO, PLEASE.
THANK YOUL."
426
00:22:29,934 --> 00:22:31,934
STEP UP,
ALL THE GANGBANGERS
427
00:22:31,934 --> 00:22:33,834
WHO WANT TO SHOOT
INNOCENT PEOPLE?
428
00:22:33,834 --> 00:22:38,674
PUT 'EM IN THE SAME CAR,
SEND 'EM DOWN BAGHDAD AVENUE.
429
00:22:38,667 --> 00:22:40,327
"GOOD LUCK!
THEY SHOOT BACK!"
430
00:22:42,533 --> 00:22:44,103
LET'S CLEAR IT UP,
LET'S CLEAR IT UP!
431
00:22:44,100 --> 00:22:46,400
ALL THE PRIESTS WHO TOUCHED
ANY OF THE LITTLE BOYS--
432
00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:48,870
TELL 'EM IT'S A RETREAT,
COME ON!
433
00:22:54,233 --> 00:22:55,833
LET'S CLEAN IT UP!
434
00:22:55,834 --> 00:22:58,274
THE CRACK ADDICTS.
LET'S SEND THE CRACK ADDICTS.
435
00:22:58,266 --> 00:23:00,466
THEY AIN'T DOING
NOTHING ELSE.
436
00:23:00,467 --> 00:23:02,967
YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT
A CRACK ADDICT GETTING SHOT.
437
00:23:02,967 --> 00:23:05,967
THE TURN INTO "THE MATRIX"
WHEN THEY START SHOOTING.
438
00:23:17,967 --> 00:23:20,567
THE CRACK ADDICTS WILL BE
OVER THERE PICKING UP LAND MINES.
439
00:23:20,567 --> 00:23:22,767
"THIS SOME GOOD ALUMINUM
RIGHT HERE!"
440
00:23:28,433 --> 00:23:31,073
I WENT OUT WITH
THIS LITTLE YOUNG LADY. I KNEW SHE SMOKED WEED
441
00:23:31,066 --> 00:23:33,696
'CAUSE I TOOK HER
TO MEXICAN RESTAURANT.
442
00:23:33,700 --> 00:23:37,130
AND I COULD TELL,
THE WAY SHE WAS ROLLING HER TORTILLAS.
443
00:23:40,467 --> 00:23:42,997
YOU KNOW HOW YOU GET
THE FAJITAS, YOU GOT TO ROLL YOUR OWN?
444
00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:45,330
SHE WAS ROLLING JOINTS
AND WASN'T EVEN AWARE OF IT.
445
00:23:45,333 --> 00:23:47,603
HAD THE LITTLE GROUND BEEF.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT HER ROOMMATE--
446
00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:51,170
"MY ROOMMATE WAS
TELLING ME THAT I NEED TO DO WHAT I NEED TO DO, SO--
447
00:23:51,166 --> 00:23:53,896
I NEED TO DO
ANYWAYS, SO--
448
00:23:53,900 --> 00:23:55,330
IF EVERYBODY
PAID THEIR RENT
449
00:23:55,333 --> 00:23:57,403
EVERYTHING WOULD BE
COOL, RIGHT?
450
00:23:59,300 --> 00:24:01,830
ANYWAY, THIS MOTHERFUCKER
GONNA TELL ME..."
451
00:24:06,734 --> 00:24:08,334
I'M LIKE, "DAMN!"
452
00:24:11,266 --> 00:24:15,126
I WENT OUT WITH A LADY
ON STEROIDS.
453
00:24:15,133 --> 00:24:17,373
BIG GIRL.
BUT YOU CAN TELL THE WOMEN ON STEROIDS.
454
00:24:17,367 --> 00:24:19,327
YOU GOT THIS
WHOLE STEROID THING--
455
00:24:19,333 --> 00:24:22,033
YOU CAN TELL
THE LADIES ON STEROIDS, 'CAUSE THEY DIFFERENT.
456
00:24:22,033 --> 00:24:25,203
ONE WOMAN GOT OUT OF THE
OLYMPICS BECAUSE OF STEROIDS, BUT YOU KIND OF KNEW.
457
00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:27,730
SHE HAD A VEIN THIS BIG.
458
00:24:31,867 --> 00:24:35,627
"HI, WE'LL TALK
TO VELVET VELVETICH ABOUT ALLEGED STEROIDS USE.
459
00:24:35,633 --> 00:24:37,733
EXCUSE ME,
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT
460
00:24:37,734 --> 00:24:40,474
BEING KICKED OUT
OF THE OLYMPICS BECAUSE OF STEROIDS?"
461
00:24:42,567 --> 00:24:45,597
( deep voice )
"WELL BASICALLY THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
462
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:49,230
WE WORK OUT
LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE."
463
00:24:49,233 --> 00:24:50,433
- "HOW OLD ARE YOU?"
- "13."
464
00:24:50,433 --> 00:24:52,773
"THANK YOU,
GOD BLESS YOU."
465
00:24:56,367 --> 00:25:00,227
LADIES, LISTEN UP.
WE WANT YOU TO WATCH X-RATED MOVIES WITH US.
466
00:25:00,233 --> 00:25:02,373
- IT'S NOT BAD. THANK YOU.
- ( scattered applause )
467
00:25:02,367 --> 00:25:05,127
WE LOVE IT,
DON'T WE, FELLAS? YES WE DO.
468
00:25:05,133 --> 00:25:08,373
FELLAS SCARED
TO SAY SOMETHING.
469
00:25:08,367 --> 00:25:10,397
'CAUSE YOU KNOW
YOUR WOMAN GONNA JAM YOU UP--
470
00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:13,330
"TURN THE MUSIC DOWN.
IS THAT WHAT YOU REALLY LIKE?"
471
00:25:16,633 --> 00:25:19,373
DEPENDS ON WHAT TYPE
OF PORNO YOU'RE WATCHING, WHITE OR BLACK.
472
00:25:19,367 --> 00:25:21,697
WHITE AND BLACK MOVIES
ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.
473
00:25:21,700 --> 00:25:25,100
WHITE PORNO MOVIES
HAVE DIALOGUE,
474
00:25:25,100 --> 00:25:29,900
LOCATION-- NORMALLY
THE TITLE HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE LOCATION.
475
00:25:29,900 --> 00:25:31,800
"FREAKIN' ON THE BEACH,"
THEY ON THE BEACH.
476
00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:34,900
BLACK PORNO MOVIES
JUST SAY "FUCKIN'!"
477
00:25:39,834 --> 00:25:42,674
WHITE PORNO MOVIES
HAVE DIALOGUE--
478
00:25:42,667 --> 00:25:44,827
"SO YOU'RE LOOKING
FOR A JOB?
479
00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:53,000
WHAT ARE YOUR
QUALIFICATIONS?"
480
00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:55,970
"LET ME SHOW YOU."
( mimics porno music )
481
00:26:01,967 --> 00:26:03,697
LIKE THEY HURTING
EACH OTHER.
482
00:26:03,700 --> 00:26:07,970
BLACK PORNO MOVIES,
YOU PRESS "START" THEY 15 MINUTES INTO IT ALREADY.
483
00:26:10,266 --> 00:26:12,466
I DIDN'T EVEN SEE THEM
TAKE THEIR CLOTHES OFF.
484
00:26:12,467 --> 00:26:14,097
YOU DON'T KNOW
THE LOCATION.
485
00:26:14,100 --> 00:26:15,730
YOU JUST SEE
A OLD CHRISTMAS TREE,
486
00:26:15,734 --> 00:26:17,674
A DUMP TRUCK
AND A MATTRESS.
487
00:26:19,533 --> 00:26:22,173
YOU SEE PEOPLE
WALKING BY IN THE BACK.
488
00:26:30,900 --> 00:26:33,500
YOU SEE THE MICROPHONE
HANGING DOWN.
489
00:26:38,033 --> 00:26:40,173
THANK YOU GUYS.
I'M MARK CURRY.
490
00:26:40,166 --> 00:26:41,766
PEACE.
491
00:26:41,767 --> 00:26:44,227
APPRECIATE IT.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
492
00:26:44,233 --> 00:26:45,733
THAT'S WHAT
I'M TALKING ABOUT.
493
00:26:53,500 --> 00:26:55,270
MARK CURRY, Y'ALL!
MARK CURRY, COME ON!
494
00:26:55,266 --> 00:26:56,966
MARK CURRY!
495
00:26:59,934 --> 00:27:01,804
A'IGHT, A'IGHT.
496
00:27:01,800 --> 00:27:04,200
Y'ALL HAD A GOOD TIME?
RUSSELL SIMMONS, Y'ALL!
497
00:27:09,233 --> 00:27:11,533
THANK YOU FOR COMING OUT.
GOD BLESS YOU. GOOD NIGHT.
498
00:27:11,533 --> 00:27:14,173
( theme music playing )
499
00:27:14,223 --> 00:27:18,773
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