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1
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CLOCKS TICKING
2
00:00:30,140 --> 00:00:31,580
SHE SIGHS
3
00:00:31,620 --> 00:00:34,659
TRACTOR ENGINE OUTSIDE
4
00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:40,241
More toast.
Yummy!
5
00:00:42,001 --> 00:00:44,561
Got some of that.
Pass us that, Prim.
6
00:00:44,601 --> 00:00:45,921
VEHICLE HORN BEEPS
7
00:00:45,961 --> 00:00:47,120
Hm. That'll be Pop.
8
00:00:48,921 --> 00:00:51,361
Quick, eat his bacon.
9
00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:54,120
Why did he go out so early?
Cos he's like a blue-arsed fly.
10
00:00:54,160 --> 00:00:56,760
Hm. He works long hours, doesn't he?
Mm-hm.
11
00:00:56,800 --> 00:00:58,961
I've told him he needs to slow down.
12
00:00:59,001 --> 00:01:01,201
Maybe I should write it on the barn
in big letters,
13
00:01:01,241 --> 00:01:03,241
cos it's not getting through.
14
00:01:03,281 --> 00:01:05,001
WHISTLING,
DOOR OPENS
15
00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:07,201
Hello, loves.
Have I got a treat for you.
16
00:01:07,241 --> 00:01:10,160
Is it a deep freeze?!
No. More entertaining.
17
00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:14,841
What, another telly?! What for?
18
00:01:14,880 --> 00:01:17,680
Two channels, two tellies.
19
00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:21,401
In case our lodger wants to watch
something a bit more highfalutin.
20
00:01:21,440 --> 00:01:23,320
Charley's not a lodger.
You don't pay rent.
21
00:01:23,361 --> 00:01:25,520
Yes, well, about that,
I've been meaning... Ah-ah.
22
00:01:25,561 --> 00:01:26,960
Wouldn't dream of it.
23
00:01:27,001 --> 00:01:29,361
You're our guest. You are kipping
in the spare bathroom.
24
00:01:29,401 --> 00:01:31,680
Yeah, well, you know,
I have simple needs.
25
00:01:31,720 --> 00:01:33,960
All right, my cabbage?
26
00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:37,160
She thinks you're overdoing it.
27
00:01:37,201 --> 00:01:40,001
To quote Aristotle,
"It is better to rise from work
28
00:01:40,041 --> 00:01:42,520
"as from a banquet -
neither thirsty nor..."
29
00:01:43,841 --> 00:01:45,320
"..drunken."
30
00:01:56,281 --> 00:01:58,520
SHE CHUCKLES
31
00:01:58,561 --> 00:02:00,520
SHE SIGHS
32
00:02:00,561 --> 00:02:02,720
Aren't they lovely, Charley?
Yes.
33
00:02:02,761 --> 00:02:06,520
Is it safe to be this close?
To me or the horse?
34
00:02:06,561 --> 00:02:10,761
The horse. I mean, don't they kick?
Well, only if they don't like you.
35
00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:13,121
How do you know if they don't
like you? They give you a kick.
36
00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:14,160
Hm.
37
00:02:14,201 --> 00:02:16,560
Don't you get many horses
in Catford?
38
00:02:16,601 --> 00:02:18,721
No, not in the tax office.
39
00:02:18,761 --> 00:02:22,120
Ooh, though someone did once
dump fertiliser in reception.
40
00:02:22,161 --> 00:02:23,161
THEY LAUGH
41
00:02:23,201 --> 00:02:24,481
Fertiliser?
Mm.
42
00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:26,240
Oh, bless you, how BBC.
43
00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:28,041
What do you call it?
44
00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:30,960
Well, dung, if we're feeling posh.
45
00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:34,000
Hang around here long enough
and you'll ride like a pro.
46
00:02:34,041 --> 00:02:36,601
We Larkins are outdoor people.
You should try it.
47
00:02:36,641 --> 00:02:40,481
Er, I-I'd love to,
but I have to go back eventually.
48
00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:42,881
Any more time off
and I'll need a doctor's note.
49
00:02:42,921 --> 00:02:45,080
So get one.
I'm not ill.
50
00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:46,481
So you pretend to be.
51
00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:49,481
If that doesn't work,
you slip the doc half a roast pig.
52
00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:51,400
Eh?
53
00:03:18,761 --> 00:03:21,441
Hello, dear. Ooh, what bold wool.
54
00:03:21,481 --> 00:03:24,481
Isn't it? I'm finishing a swimsuit.
55
00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:27,400
Me and the kids always go for a dip
in the river this time of year.
56
00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:30,321
Does Mr Larkin join you
in his little trunks? No.
57
00:03:30,361 --> 00:03:32,080
But this time, I'm gonna make him,
58
00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:33,960
even if I have to pull him
off his tractor.
59
00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:36,120
Oh, does he not take to water?
60
00:03:36,161 --> 00:03:38,321
In my youth,
I used to love a bracing plunge
61
00:03:38,361 --> 00:03:39,520
into the sea in Margate.
62
00:03:42,161 --> 00:03:44,840
Wilf, I am doing that,
but it is not helping.
63
00:03:44,881 --> 00:03:46,481
That's what I've been doing...
64
00:03:46,520 --> 00:03:49,201
Pack up your daft sun hat,
we're going...
65
00:03:49,240 --> 00:03:52,560
No, Wilf,
I cannot get a good picture.
66
00:03:52,601 --> 00:03:55,080
This is my patient but gritty face.
67
00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:56,481
'It's your aerial, innit?'
68
00:03:56,520 --> 00:04:00,560
Double telly needs twice the welly,
as we say in the TV antenna game.
69
00:04:00,601 --> 00:04:03,441
Yeah, but you didn't tell me that
this morning, did you?
70
00:04:03,481 --> 00:04:05,960
I'll sell you a massive aerial,
lovely job.
71
00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:08,000
If the wind's right,
you'll get French TV.
72
00:04:08,041 --> 00:04:09,721
I don't want to hear about France,
Wilf,
73
00:04:09,761 --> 00:04:12,000
because my Mariette reckons
that's where she's off to.
74
00:04:12,041 --> 00:04:14,641
Yeah, stuff of nonsense,
isn't it, overseas, eh?
75
00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:17,641
Eh? Look, I'll come round
and get the aerial. All right?
76
00:04:17,680 --> 00:04:20,120
Just...
'It's in the warehouse,'
77
00:04:20,161 --> 00:04:23,361
I'll bring it over this evening.
'Oh, you do that, Wilf.'
78
00:04:23,401 --> 00:04:27,601
And one of the brighter
Larkin children will handle it. Bye.
79
00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:31,640
Ma... I am taking you away
for the weekend. Now.
80
00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:33,921
Just you and me.
Now, the weekend's gonna be tricky.
81
00:04:33,961 --> 00:04:36,921
Why?
Well, because...
82
00:04:36,961 --> 00:04:38,601
I prefer being here.
83
00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:42,680
Well, I have been knitting this.
84
00:04:42,721 --> 00:04:44,361
Oh.
And I'm gonna use it.
85
00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:48,961
Nope, you're gonna have to help
me out. It's a swimming costume!
86
00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:51,401
We are going to a hotel
at the seaside,
87
00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:53,961
and you're gonna be riding me
instead of a muck spreader.
88
00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:55,640
Oh,
that's not what you want to hear.
89
00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:57,880
MA CHUCKLES
90
00:04:57,921 --> 00:04:59,281
Oh, enough of all that.
91
00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:01,521
Come on, we've got bags to pack!
92
00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:06,200
I wanna see your pasty legs dangling
out of some shorts before sunset!
93
00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:09,680
INDISTINCT CHATTER
94
00:05:09,721 --> 00:05:11,320
Oh, listen, listen.
95
00:05:11,361 --> 00:05:13,521
Is that a woodpecker?
96
00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:15,000
SHE CHUCKLES
Yes.
97
00:05:15,041 --> 00:05:16,200
WOODPECKER DRUMMING
98
00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:18,081
That is amazing!
99
00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:20,521
I don't think I've ever
really heard one before.
100
00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:21,961
Wow.
101
00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:23,880
You're gonna miss this place,
aren't you?
102
00:05:23,921 --> 00:05:25,640
Yeah.
103
00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:27,680
Yeah, I will.
104
00:05:27,721 --> 00:05:30,401
I've never been anywhere like it.
105
00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:33,320
I mean, it's funny how quickly
you can get used to the feeling.
106
00:05:33,361 --> 00:05:36,161
What feeling?
Just happiness.
107
00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:39,200
It almost feels normal now.
108
00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:42,200
Yeah, I've had my shoulders
up by my ears for so long.
109
00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:43,240
Suits you, too.
110
00:05:43,281 --> 00:05:45,081
ENGINE REVVING
111
00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:48,760
Morning, Mariette.
Hello, Tom.
112
00:05:49,921 --> 00:05:51,000
Morning.
113
00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:54,401
Am I interrupting anything?
114
00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:56,200
No. No.
115
00:05:56,240 --> 00:05:57,800
May I take you out for dinner
tonight?
116
00:05:57,841 --> 00:06:00,161
Oh, sorry, I can't, I'm afraid.
117
00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:02,401
My turn to cook. Chops. Ha.
118
00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:04,361
HE CHUCKLES
119
00:06:04,401 --> 00:06:07,601
I'm thinking lashings
of sophisticated chat,
120
00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:10,880
candles - lit -
and enough fine wine to drown a cat.
121
00:06:10,921 --> 00:06:14,081
Erm, all right.
Excellent decision.
122
00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:16,921
I'll pick you up about eight.
Cheerio.
123
00:06:16,961 --> 00:06:19,081
REVS ENGINE
124
00:06:25,041 --> 00:06:28,240
You know what, I will see
that doctor about a sick note.
125
00:06:28,281 --> 00:06:29,440
Mm.
Why rush off?
126
00:06:29,481 --> 00:06:31,880
Well, good job, too.
Ma's already called him.
127
00:06:31,921 --> 00:06:34,081
Wait, what?
128
00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:35,841
Ma, what about the nippers?
129
00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:38,281
Nippers? Look at the size of them,
they'll be fine.
130
00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:39,521
We're more worried about you.
131
00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:41,041
You're not used to
going on journeys.
132
00:06:41,081 --> 00:06:44,281
We're going away for one weekend
to Margate in Kent, not Kentucky.
133
00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:47,041
But, look, Ma,
we've got everything we need here.
134
00:06:47,081 --> 00:06:48,120
Ain't we, kids?
Yeah.
135
00:06:48,161 --> 00:06:51,000
Yes, exactly. Name me one thing you
haven't got and I'll get it for you.
136
00:06:51,041 --> 00:06:53,401
A change of scenery. Bags in car.
137
00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:56,521
Where are you going?
Kentucky.
138
00:06:56,560 --> 00:06:59,120
Goodness.
No, Kent.
139
00:06:59,161 --> 00:07:01,521
Aren't we there already?
'Ey, see.
140
00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:03,120
What is the point?
141
00:07:03,161 --> 00:07:05,601
Margate, I've booked us a hotel.
142
00:07:05,640 --> 00:07:07,800
Be nice to sleep in sheets
I haven't bought, washed,
143
00:07:07,841 --> 00:07:10,161
dried, ironed, mended,
and occasionally dribbled on.
144
00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:12,760
Me and Charley are here,
we'll look after things.
145
00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:15,320
Exactly. Pop, you said yourself
you'd rarely seen
146
00:07:15,361 --> 00:07:17,281
a safer pair of hands
than Charley's.
147
00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:20,601
Softer. Softer pair of hands.
Look, we've got a farm to run,
148
00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:22,361
Wilf is coming round
to fix the aerial,
149
00:07:22,401 --> 00:07:24,560
and when he's not being sly,
he's being greedy, right?
150
00:07:24,601 --> 00:07:26,760
I can handle him.
Good.
151
00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:29,440
Charley and Mariette
are Ma and Pop for the weekend.
152
00:07:29,481 --> 00:07:31,161
Which one's which?
Oi!
153
00:07:33,401 --> 00:07:34,800
A few child management tips.
154
00:07:34,841 --> 00:07:37,640
Let 'em breathe, but don't let them
get away with murder.
155
00:07:37,680 --> 00:07:40,640
Not too much TV. They're far
too keen on it for my liking.
156
00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:42,481
Nothing wrong with a bit of telly.
157
00:07:42,521 --> 00:07:45,640
Make 'em read a book.
Or learn them some maths.
158
00:07:47,401 --> 00:07:48,640
They're not the strongest,
159
00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:51,200
except for Primrose,
who's too clever by half.
160
00:07:59,640 --> 00:08:01,521
HONKS HORN
161
00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:02,841
Bye!
Bye!
162
00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:03,921
Bye!
163
00:08:11,161 --> 00:08:13,841
Ooh! I'm not sure I can do this,
Mariette.
164
00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:15,481
I am a very poor liar.
165
00:08:15,521 --> 00:08:17,721
It's not lying, it's acting.
166
00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:19,120
CLEARS THROAT
167
00:08:20,281 --> 00:08:23,320
So, fella m'lad,
what appears to be the problem?
168
00:08:23,361 --> 00:08:24,961
It's my back.
169
00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:27,440
Go on.
It's, erm...
170
00:08:30,481 --> 00:08:33,161
Ooh, well, it's a, erm...
171
00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:36,841
..a huge let-down.
THEY ALL GROAN
172
00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:39,081
Why is he doing that with his mouth?
173
00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:41,280
I don't know. Why are you doing that
with your mouth?
174
00:08:41,321 --> 00:08:43,601
I don't know, it's really dry,
I don't know! What...?
175
00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:45,361
Pull yourself together, man.
176
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:47,561
I'm not sure I can do this,
I don't think I can do this.
177
00:08:47,601 --> 00:08:50,520
He's here. Well, it's too late now,
you have to.
178
00:08:50,561 --> 00:08:52,321
What?
179
00:08:52,361 --> 00:08:54,481
Here you go, Ma.
180
00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:57,280
Oh, look at this! Look at this!
181
00:08:57,321 --> 00:08:58,801
HE CHUCKLES
182
00:08:59,920 --> 00:09:01,280
Yes.
183
00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:09,681
This is it, then. What do you think?
184
00:09:09,721 --> 00:09:12,280
I think you've packed
for a fortnight, not a weekend.
185
00:09:12,321 --> 00:09:14,961
What you got in these?
Oh, you know, change of shoes,
186
00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:17,400
sewing machine, just in case.
HE LAUGHS
187
00:09:17,441 --> 00:09:19,561
Welcome to the Margate Grand.
188
00:09:19,601 --> 00:09:22,400
Can I help you with your bags, sir?
Ladies first.
189
00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:26,361
Sorry, Duchess,
didn't see you there.
190
00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:28,561
How do you know I'm a duchess?
Oh, he doesn't, love,
191
00:09:28,601 --> 00:09:31,201
it's just a term of endearment,
like duck. Pumpkin.
192
00:09:31,240 --> 00:09:32,240
Chuckles.
Cabbage.
193
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:33,400
Treacle.
Cock.
194
00:09:33,441 --> 00:09:35,081
THEY LAUGH
195
00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:37,441
She'll loosen up, won't she?
Yeah!
196
00:09:37,481 --> 00:09:40,280
Same hotel as a real duchess,
though. Yep.
197
00:09:40,321 --> 00:09:41,801
Go on, girl.
198
00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:53,040
Could do with a lick of paint.
199
00:09:54,081 --> 00:09:57,400
Or they could go straight to a stick
of dynamite and a bulldozer.
200
00:09:58,520 --> 00:09:59,681
Oh.
201
00:09:59,721 --> 00:10:02,481
Oh, is this it?
312.
202
00:10:04,201 --> 00:10:06,361
Go on, Ma.
HE GRUNTS
203
00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:07,441
Oh.
204
00:10:09,961 --> 00:10:11,481
Cosy.
205
00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:15,201
HE STRAINS
I thought you said...
206
00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:16,961
I thought you said
it had a sea view.
207
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,000
Oh. Ha.
208
00:10:20,961 --> 00:10:22,961
BED CREAKS
It's awful, isn't it?
209
00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:26,920
Do you want to go home?
I'll understand if you do.
210
00:10:26,961 --> 00:10:28,520
You do, don't you?
211
00:10:28,561 --> 00:10:31,321
Let's go home.
Ma.
212
00:10:31,361 --> 00:10:33,760
Are you kidding?
We're on our holidays.
213
00:10:33,801 --> 00:10:35,120
Let the fun commence.
214
00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:38,000
Come on. Ha-ha! Arm.
215
00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:40,760
Arse.
216
00:10:40,801 --> 00:10:42,920
Ooh! I thank you.
217
00:10:42,961 --> 00:10:43,961
THEY LAUGH
218
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:45,640
Go on, Ma. Go on.
Ooh-hoo!
219
00:10:45,681 --> 00:10:47,640
Go on!
THEY GIGGLE
220
00:10:53,841 --> 00:10:55,481
Hm... Can't feel anything.
221
00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:57,961
Montgomery, bring the doctor's
whiskey and soda, would you?
222
00:10:58,000 --> 00:10:59,520
No, no, I mustn't.
223
00:10:59,561 --> 00:11:01,721
Mrs Leagrave's got me
on a health kick.
224
00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:05,040
No booze, no meat, no jelly babies.
225
00:11:05,081 --> 00:11:06,920
Physician heal thyself.
226
00:11:06,961 --> 00:11:09,640
So she's in charge, is she?
227
00:11:09,681 --> 00:11:11,520
Oh, go on, then.
228
00:11:11,561 --> 00:11:13,361
So, not much pain?
229
00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:15,321
Erm... Er...
230
00:11:15,361 --> 00:11:17,240
It comes and goes.
231
00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:20,361
He's being brave. Makes a change.
Nation of hypochondriacs.
232
00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:23,801
Everyone demanding pills. Whatever
happened to suffering in silence?
233
00:11:23,841 --> 00:11:26,321
So, will you give him a sick note?
No, he's not sick.
234
00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:30,481
Er, I... really do have an ache.
235
00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:32,841
These days, I often feel dizzy.
236
00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:37,040
Do you want this? Meat?
237
00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:43,201
Oh, all right. I'll give him a note.
238
00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:46,321
Keep out of draughts,
stay away from wet grass,
239
00:11:46,361 --> 00:11:49,081
and if he is staying here,
get him a real bed.
240
00:11:50,201 --> 00:11:52,880
Oh, come here, you little beauty.
241
00:11:54,961 --> 00:11:56,400
Yes. Mm!
242
00:11:56,441 --> 00:11:58,361
Mm. Thank you.
243
00:11:58,400 --> 00:11:59,760
Mm-hm-hm!
244
00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:04,721
SLOW PIANO MUSIC
245
00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:07,361
Got anything a bit more upbeat,
Mantovani?
246
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:11,040
We'll have to make our own fun, Ma.
Champagne?
247
00:12:11,081 --> 00:12:12,400
Yes!
248
00:12:12,441 --> 00:12:14,120
Is there a do on?
249
00:12:15,201 --> 00:12:18,441
No. There's the Duchess. Not a face
you run towards, is it? No.
250
00:12:18,481 --> 00:12:20,040
Maybe it's a funeral.
251
00:12:20,081 --> 00:12:22,201
Yeah. Best I get two bottles, eh?
252
00:12:23,841 --> 00:12:26,640
It's hard to see
if I'm doing this right.
253
00:12:26,681 --> 00:12:27,681
KNOCKING AT DOOR
254
00:12:29,321 --> 00:12:31,640
All right, poppet?
Is Pop in? Aerial.
255
00:12:31,681 --> 00:12:34,321
No, he's off this weekend, but
he left me to deal with it and pay.
256
00:12:36,040 --> 00:12:37,321
Follow me.
257
00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:45,280
Oh. It's a big'un.
258
00:12:45,321 --> 00:12:46,601
Yeah, it's not cheap.
259
00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:49,201
It's a multi-element
switchable antenna
260
00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:53,000
with high impedance stacking bars.
As you can see, love.
261
00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:55,880
It's a bunch of metal rods, though,
isn't it? Basically.
262
00:12:57,520 --> 00:13:00,000
120 quid, installed.
263
00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:03,561
Oh, so you've jacked up the price,
haven't you? As it's me.
264
00:13:03,601 --> 00:13:06,120
No.
I asked around.
265
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:08,481
60 quid cash, if it works,
266
00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:10,920
or 40 quid and we put it up
ourselves.
267
00:13:17,160 --> 00:13:19,000
DOOR SLAMS,
ENGINE STARTS
268
00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:45,000
What do we have to do
to get a drink around here?
269
00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:46,561
I think you normally ask the barman.
270
00:13:46,601 --> 00:13:47,961
Right.
271
00:13:50,601 --> 00:13:52,160
Right, then.
272
00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:55,081
What can I get you, son?
273
00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:58,400
Oh, they wouldn't let me.
I'm not 18 yet.
274
00:13:58,441 --> 00:14:00,201
No? Oh, well.
275
00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:02,441
You just keep 'em busy,
I'll smuggle you a cider.
276
00:14:02,481 --> 00:14:03,760
Eh?
277
00:14:03,801 --> 00:14:07,520
Who died? Oh, that's not a funeral.
That's my wedding.
278
00:14:08,561 --> 00:14:09,561
Blimey.
279
00:14:09,601 --> 00:14:12,920
Kenneth, have you spoken
to your Uncle Tergel yet?
280
00:14:12,961 --> 00:14:15,681
No, I was gonna... Oh, stop
lurking here like an alcoholic
281
00:14:15,721 --> 00:14:18,801
and go and make a good impression.
He's got two houses.
282
00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:24,120
Hello, Duchess.
283
00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:26,321
What's your poison?
I don't understand.
284
00:14:26,361 --> 00:14:28,000
Do you work here?
285
00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:30,321
No, no, but I'm always in service,
you know,
286
00:14:30,361 --> 00:14:32,801
when I spot a lady
in need of champagne.
287
00:14:32,841 --> 00:14:34,640
Is this man in your entourage?
288
00:14:34,681 --> 00:14:38,880
I don't believe he is.
I surmised he was in your entourage.
289
00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:42,081
Certainly not. No, of course not.
What was I thinking?
290
00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:43,201
Shall I solve the mystery,
291
00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:45,400
or do you want to keep this going
for a bit?
292
00:14:46,441 --> 00:14:49,400
Oh, you... you've got something
on your... on your faces.
293
00:14:49,441 --> 00:14:51,760
Yeah. There.
294
00:14:52,880 --> 00:14:55,481
That's it, well done.
Just toffee on your nose.
295
00:14:57,640 --> 00:14:59,081
HE LAUGHS
296
00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:04,201
Here, Ma.
297
00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:07,841
Guess what I found out?
It ain't a funeral.
298
00:15:07,880 --> 00:15:10,040
I know, it's a wedding,
and that lot have got a face on
299
00:15:10,081 --> 00:15:11,801
cos the couple are only kids,
bless 'em,
300
00:15:11,841 --> 00:15:13,601
and she's well and truly
in the pudding club,
301
00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:16,000
which has not gone down well,
cos you know who her mother is?
302
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:18,321
The Duchess? The Duchess.
And she's spitting feathers
303
00:15:18,361 --> 00:15:20,520
because the girl's marrying
below her station,
304
00:15:20,561 --> 00:15:23,000
but his lot are well chuffed
because now he's set for life
305
00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:26,040
and off to join the family firm
in Hertfordshire.
306
00:15:26,081 --> 00:15:27,520
I think.
Blimey.
307
00:15:27,561 --> 00:15:29,321
They should have used you as a spy
in the war.
308
00:15:29,361 --> 00:15:32,000
How do you know they didn't?
HE LAUGHS
309
00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:34,961
Poor kids. Still, not a way
to start married life, is it?
310
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:38,361
What you thinking?
More champagne.
311
00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:42,040
Maths, maths can actually have
a real beauty to it, girls.
312
00:15:42,081 --> 00:15:45,441
Just think of the figures as musical
notes, which, together, they can...
313
00:15:45,481 --> 00:15:46,601
Thanks!
314
00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:48,961
..symphony.
315
00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:51,361
We've saved 20 quid
putting that up ourselves.
316
00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:52,801
I'll give dad half,
317
00:15:52,841 --> 00:15:55,040
and then the rest will pay
for me to get to France.
318
00:15:55,081 --> 00:15:56,081
Mm-hm.
319
00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:58,280
Ooh! Children, this doesn't mean
320
00:15:58,321 --> 00:16:00,081
you're going to watch TV
all weekend!
321
00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:01,721
CAR APPROACHES
322
00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:03,681
Oh, God, is it time?
323
00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:14,000
Didn't realise you actually
live here now. Yeah.
324
00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:16,201
Mr and Mrs Larkin have gone away
for the weekend
325
00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:18,081
and have left me in loco parentis.
326
00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:21,201
Yeah. Massive responsibility.
327
00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:22,601
Good for you.
Hm.
328
00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:23,841
The nanny.
329
00:16:25,481 --> 00:16:28,400
And you're happy with that little
girl on the roof, are you?
330
00:16:28,441 --> 00:16:30,240
Yep, absolutely, I've...
331
00:16:32,481 --> 00:16:35,240
..checked it's, erm, safe up there.
332
00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:37,400
Excuse me. Er, Victoria!
333
00:16:37,441 --> 00:16:39,760
Victoria, could you possibly
get down off the roof now?
334
00:16:39,801 --> 00:16:42,760
Before you plummet to your death.
335
00:16:46,081 --> 00:16:48,801
Well, you look edible.
336
00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:50,081
I hope you're hungry.
337
00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:53,000
Famished. See you later, Charley.
338
00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:57,841
Wait, your coat. It's really cold.
Hold on.
339
00:16:57,880 --> 00:17:00,681
Oh, erm, it's not actually
that cold, so...
340
00:17:00,721 --> 00:17:02,681
Let's get going.
341
00:17:05,760 --> 00:17:06,760
STARTS ENGINE
342
00:17:06,801 --> 00:17:09,561
Mariette. Mariette, your...
343
00:17:09,601 --> 00:17:11,480
Hold tight.
344
00:17:11,521 --> 00:17:13,680
Ooh, seatbelts.
Sorry?
345
00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:15,001
Don't forget your seatbelts.
346
00:17:15,041 --> 00:17:18,720
It doesn't have any.
We're wild and free!
347
00:17:18,761 --> 00:17:20,920
Whoo!
Whoo!
348
00:17:25,601 --> 00:17:28,281
CHATTER AND LAUGHTER
349
00:17:28,321 --> 00:17:30,880
Enjoy. Cheers.
Don't drink it all at once.
350
00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:33,081
Top-up here.
Get you another few bottles.
351
00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:34,480
Cheers to you, an' all.
352
00:17:36,120 --> 00:17:37,321
Mr and Mrs Larkin.
353
00:17:37,361 --> 00:17:39,720
The bar manager tells me
I've got you to thank for all this.
354
00:17:39,761 --> 00:17:40,761
Oh, no need.
355
00:17:40,801 --> 00:17:42,761
We over-ordered on the champagne,
didn't we, Ma?
356
00:17:42,801 --> 00:17:45,281
You lot are doing us a favour
by drinking it
357
00:17:45,321 --> 00:17:48,440
and not sitting there looking like
you're all about to top yourselves!
358
00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:51,680
Well, it's very much appreciated.
Where's the lucky lady?
359
00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:53,361
She's in her room.
Oh, yeah, course,
360
00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:55,960
it's bad luck to see the bride
before the old how's-your-father.
361
00:17:56,001 --> 00:17:59,001
Yeah, yeah. And she wasn't invited.
362
00:17:59,041 --> 00:18:02,120
I think we've now established that
you are not with the wedding party.
363
00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:04,960
Let's just say you bought
the wedding, we bought the party.
364
00:18:05,001 --> 00:18:07,680
No, no, this is a private function,
365
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:10,880
so we must ask you
and your companion to leave.
366
00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:13,920
But they bought the champagne,
and they're nice... Kenneth.
367
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:18,440
We didn't request your cheap fizz
or your participation.
368
00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:20,480
Ooh.
Don't throw her to the ground, Ma.
369
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:22,960
SHE CLEARS HER THROAT
370
00:18:23,001 --> 00:18:25,680
POSH ACCENT: I think there has been
some kind of misunderstanding.
371
00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:28,120
Indeed. OWN ACCENT:
You think you're special.
372
00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:29,841
But we think you're a snobbish bully
373
00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:32,041
who wouldn't know fun
if sat on your face.
374
00:18:32,081 --> 00:18:35,761
Now, I am sorry you are upset
that your girl is up the duff!
375
00:18:35,801 --> 00:18:37,200
CHATTER STOPS,
GASPS
376
00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:40,241
Which I now realise
is not widely known.
377
00:18:40,281 --> 00:18:42,440
Apologies.
378
00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:47,920
But a pregnant woman should
be celebrated, not hidden away.
379
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,400
Good.
380
00:18:49,440 --> 00:18:51,001
Point made, Ma.
381
00:18:51,041 --> 00:18:54,920
Now, excuse us, because there's
a beach with our name on it.
382
00:18:56,120 --> 00:18:57,521
Come on, Ma.
383
00:18:57,561 --> 00:18:59,521
Enjoy the champagne.
384
00:19:12,521 --> 00:19:14,720
FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING
385
00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:18,880
TV PLAYING
386
00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:24,321
SHE MOANS
387
00:19:24,361 --> 00:19:27,120
What did you do that for?!
You know we were watching that?
388
00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:30,400
You can't spend all weekend
shut up in here watching television.
389
00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:32,400
It'll rot your brains.
Says who?
390
00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:34,601
Scientists.
Name 'em.
391
00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:35,720
Er...
392
00:19:35,761 --> 00:19:37,960
Look, tomorrow,
we'll play fun games outside.
393
00:19:38,001 --> 00:19:39,001
All right?
394
00:19:39,041 --> 00:19:41,920
Till then... read a book.
395
00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:44,521
Right, here's one for you, Victoria.
396
00:19:44,561 --> 00:19:46,361
Here's one for you.
Read it.
397
00:19:47,361 --> 00:19:49,041
All right.
Read it.
398
00:19:51,001 --> 00:19:52,160
Read it twice.
399
00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:53,761
HE GROANS
400
00:19:57,400 --> 00:20:00,720
I think you're frustrated
cos Mariette's out with Tom.
401
00:20:00,761 --> 00:20:02,761
Oh, do you, now?
402
00:20:02,801 --> 00:20:03,801
Hm?
403
00:20:06,761 --> 00:20:09,200
All right, we'll play a game.
Excellent!
404
00:20:09,241 --> 00:20:10,720
Thank you.
405
00:20:10,761 --> 00:20:12,281
Snooker.
406
00:20:12,321 --> 00:20:14,521
And if we win,
we get to do whatever we want
407
00:20:14,561 --> 00:20:16,120
for the rest of the weekend.
Deal.
408
00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:20,601
And if I win,
you all have to do what I want.
409
00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:23,960
And I am rather good at snooker. Hm.
410
00:20:24,001 --> 00:20:25,361
So is Montgomery.
411
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:26,880
Primrose, pass me the cue.
412
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:39,001
Thank you.
413
00:20:39,041 --> 00:20:40,841
Table for Tom Fisher?
414
00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:42,200
Round the back.
415
00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:45,361
Your waitress'll be with you
in her own good time, I imagine.
416
00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:50,920
Aw.
Will it do?
417
00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:53,601
Oh, it's... It's perfect.
418
00:20:55,601 --> 00:20:57,281
Hello.
419
00:20:57,321 --> 00:20:59,640
SHE SIGHS
Great.
420
00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:01,841
MA GIGGLES
421
00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:04,920
Unbelievable.
422
00:21:06,281 --> 00:21:08,041
SHE LAUGHS
423
00:21:08,081 --> 00:21:10,281
Mr and Mrs Larkin?
424
00:21:10,321 --> 00:21:11,640
Can I apologise?
425
00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:14,521
It's my big mouth
that should apologise, Kenny.
426
00:21:14,561 --> 00:21:16,200
I never knew it was a secret.
427
00:21:16,241 --> 00:21:17,841
Well, it wouldn't be
if it was up to me.
428
00:21:17,880 --> 00:21:19,561
I wanna shout it from the rooftops.
429
00:21:19,601 --> 00:21:22,281
So your girl's parents think
you brought shame on the family?
430
00:21:22,321 --> 00:21:25,281
Yeah. And a wedding, like,
just seems... the least bad option?
431
00:21:25,321 --> 00:21:27,680
Yeah, but...
I mean, Xanthe's wonderful,
432
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:29,160
and we'd probably do it anyway.
433
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:31,160
Only, not like this,
434
00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:32,960
you know, feeling like
we'd shot someone.
435
00:21:33,001 --> 00:21:34,680
Take our motor.
436
00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:40,321
That's yours? Yep. Get that girl
of yours to the registry in style.
437
00:21:40,361 --> 00:21:41,521
Well, I can't drive.
438
00:21:41,561 --> 00:21:44,081
That's all right. I'll pick her up.
Ok, Ma?
439
00:21:44,120 --> 00:21:46,801
Course! Should be the happiest
day or your life, son,
440
00:21:46,841 --> 00:21:49,041
don't you let anyone
tell you otherwise.
441
00:21:49,081 --> 00:21:50,241
Thanks, Mr and Mrs Larkin.
442
00:21:50,281 --> 00:21:52,041
No, no. Pop and Ma, please.
443
00:21:52,081 --> 00:21:53,801
Go and enjoy
your last night of freedom
444
00:21:53,841 --> 00:21:56,841
before you marry into that shower.
All due respect to your bride.
445
00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:00,561
SHE CHUCKLES
446
00:22:05,561 --> 00:22:07,561
Come on, Montgomery, humiliate him.
447
00:22:10,081 --> 00:22:11,801
CHARLEY CHUCKLES
Unlucky.
448
00:22:11,841 --> 00:22:14,001
There's no such thing as bad luck,
Primrose.
449
00:22:14,041 --> 00:22:15,720
Just bad planning.
450
00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:19,960
As you will see
when I put the pink in the...
451
00:22:20,001 --> 00:22:21,761
LOUD QUACKING OUTSIDE
452
00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:25,521
That's an interesting strategy,
do talk us through it.
453
00:22:25,561 --> 00:22:28,281
Wow, OK, well, that's not fair,
I was interfered with,
454
00:22:28,321 --> 00:22:29,801
surely I have to...
455
00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:39,521
ALL CHEERING
Champion!
456
00:22:39,561 --> 00:22:41,321
Come on!
457
00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:48,761
HE SIGHS
OK.
458
00:22:54,081 --> 00:22:57,361
Right, I am never having children.
459
00:23:07,561 --> 00:23:08,400
SONG: 'Crazy Man Crazy'
460
00:23:08,440 --> 00:23:10,841
Go, go, go, everybody
461
00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:13,960
Go, go, go, everybody
462
00:23:14,001 --> 00:23:16,680
Go, go, go, everybody
463
00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:21,321
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go
464
00:23:43,081 --> 00:23:44,321
Crazy, man, crazy
465
00:23:45,841 --> 00:23:47,281
Crazy, man, crazy
466
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:50,241
Crazy, man, crazy
467
00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:53,920
Man, that music's gone
468
00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:55,761
I said crazy, man, crazy
469
00:23:57,720 --> 00:23:59,041
Crazy, man, crazy
470
00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:01,960
Crazy, man, crazy
471
00:24:03,001 --> 00:24:05,160
Man, that music's gone
472
00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:08,680
They play it soft
They play it strong
473
00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:11,561
They play it wild
And they play it long...
474
00:24:11,601 --> 00:24:14,440
Yep. Larkin Eau De Toilette.
475
00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:17,361
We literally got water
out of the toilet...
476
00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:19,200
Flushed, obviously,
we're not animals.
477
00:24:19,241 --> 00:24:21,001
..put it in bottles and sold it.
478
00:24:21,041 --> 00:24:22,920
Ma made us pay back every penny.
479
00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:25,720
I always think, "Spray perfume
where you want to be kissed"
480
00:24:25,761 --> 00:24:27,281
was brilliant marketing.
481
00:24:27,321 --> 00:24:29,440
I was going through a pint a week.
482
00:24:30,761 --> 00:24:33,801
That was when me and Pauline
were best friends.
483
00:24:33,841 --> 00:24:35,361
Ah, the innocence of youth.
484
00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:37,200
Was that why you think
you need to leave?
485
00:24:37,241 --> 00:24:38,601
To be a grown-up?
486
00:24:40,081 --> 00:24:42,960
If you like. I need to see
what else is out there.
487
00:24:43,001 --> 00:24:44,880
You don't have to move away
for that.
488
00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:47,640
Yeah. "Watch it on the telly,
sweetheart. Perfick."
489
00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:49,920
Oh, that's my dad.
490
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:51,281
Oh. Right.
491
00:24:51,321 --> 00:24:53,440
Or you could go on holiday.
492
00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:55,720
I have been everywhere.
493
00:24:55,761 --> 00:24:58,841
You can broaden your horizons,
then return to Arcadia.
494
00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:00,841
Oh, yeah? What will I use for money?
495
00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:02,361
Earn it, in my new hotel.
496
00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:07,120
I'll be a very generous employer,
especially to you.
497
00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:10,440
Business is as beautiful as you
when it's done right.
498
00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:12,880
Oh, God, you're like
a silkier version of my dad.
499
00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:15,241
And like him,
I've worked my way up.
500
00:25:15,281 --> 00:25:17,200
I've turned base metal into gold.
501
00:25:17,241 --> 00:25:18,880
Where do you get your confidence
from?
502
00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:22,041
A wee shop in Ballystrudder.
I bought up all their stock.
503
00:25:22,081 --> 00:25:24,561
Oh, so you're a small town kid.
Yeah.
504
00:25:24,601 --> 00:25:26,440
You and me are the same.
505
00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:30,841
Except you are very much a woman
and I am very much a man.
506
00:25:30,880 --> 00:25:35,601
And this is me very much saying
that I'd be a fabulous boyfriend.
507
00:25:37,281 --> 00:25:39,241
Should we pause our conversation?
508
00:25:39,281 --> 00:25:41,761
Oh, don't mind me.
509
00:25:41,801 --> 00:25:44,640
Even more wine, madame?
510
00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:46,841
Oh!
511
00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:48,680
Clumsy old me. So sorry.
512
00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:50,321
Like hell you are!
Oh, Mariette, don't.
513
00:25:50,361 --> 00:25:53,680
Don't tell me what to do! You did
that on purpose, you jealous harpy.
514
00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:57,241
Jealous of a desperate trollop
who leads men on for free dinner?
515
00:25:57,281 --> 00:25:58,361
How do you want your wine,
516
00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:00,720
in your stupid face
or down your second-rate bosom?!
517
00:26:00,761 --> 00:26:03,960
Mariette, if you're going to throw
wine, I'll bring the cheap stuff.
518
00:26:04,001 --> 00:26:05,841
Pauline, there's a barrel
needs changing.
519
00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:07,880
Sorry, Reg.
Yes, Reg.
520
00:26:14,561 --> 00:26:16,400
Dessert?
Shall we not?
521
00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:18,241
I'll get the bill.
Yep.
522
00:26:18,281 --> 00:26:21,841
Let's find a nice spot on the beach,
shall we, Pop? Yeah.
523
00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:24,001
We did get a sea view after all.
524
00:26:24,041 --> 00:26:26,160
Yeah, best table in town.
525
00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:28,801
Ma, I've just gotta say,
526
00:26:28,841 --> 00:26:31,440
I really love our little life,
our little home.
527
00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:34,200
I know, love.
I'm sorry for dragging us away.
528
00:26:34,241 --> 00:26:36,440
I don't know what I was thinking,
really. But...
529
00:26:36,480 --> 00:26:39,761
But I've also loved
spending this time with you.
530
00:26:39,801 --> 00:26:43,160
It just reminds me
how the whole thing started.
531
00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:46,400
Just the two of us. And we should
make more time for that.
532
00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:50,120
Are you trying to tell me
that you are enjoying your holiday?
533
00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:52,001
Let's book another.
534
00:26:52,041 --> 00:26:54,281
Some people are going to Spain
these days.
535
00:26:55,561 --> 00:26:56,960
Let's not go mad, Ma.
536
00:27:03,801 --> 00:27:08,001
This doesn't have to
ruin our evening.
537
00:27:08,041 --> 00:27:09,720
Let's go dancing in Folkestone.
538
00:27:09,761 --> 00:27:11,241
Sorry, I'm not in the mood.
539
00:27:11,281 --> 00:27:14,081
If I'd have known
your nemesis worked in there,
540
00:27:14,120 --> 00:27:17,200
I'd have chosen a safer venue,
like a bomb factory.
541
00:27:18,561 --> 00:27:19,880
We'll laugh about it one day.
542
00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:23,480
Or... should we jump ahead
and laugh about it now?
543
00:27:23,521 --> 00:27:26,001
Night, Tom. I need to walk this off.
544
00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:41,960
Kids! Bed.
545
00:27:42,001 --> 00:27:43,361
A bet's a bet.
546
00:27:45,761 --> 00:27:50,960
Ooh, I... I should probably
just check if Mariette's OK.
547
00:28:13,521 --> 00:28:14,880
You're back.
548
00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:18,400
Just getting some air.
549
00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:19,480
Hmm.
550
00:28:20,521 --> 00:28:22,440
Ooh. What happened?
551
00:28:24,361 --> 00:28:26,281
Pauline.
552
00:28:26,321 --> 00:28:28,720
Oh. Right.
553
00:28:30,761 --> 00:28:34,041
I don't want to be trapped in
the village with the same old faces
554
00:28:34,081 --> 00:28:36,720
and the same old arguments
for the rest of my life.
555
00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:41,400
This is why I need to leave home.
556
00:28:42,440 --> 00:28:45,480
Hey, look, everyone needs
a new start sometimes.
557
00:28:47,001 --> 00:28:48,361
I did.
558
00:28:50,801 --> 00:28:53,041
I... I do understand, Mariette.
559
00:28:56,960 --> 00:28:58,880
I think you might be the only one
that does.
560
00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:01,041
CHILDREN LAUGH AND SHOUT
561
00:29:01,081 --> 00:29:02,761
Oh.
562
00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:07,361
I am not making a good job
of the child management.
563
00:29:08,521 --> 00:29:10,321
You know it is only Friday night?
564
00:29:10,361 --> 00:29:11,480
No.
565
00:29:13,241 --> 00:29:14,321
Really?
566
00:29:36,081 --> 00:29:37,440
Ah!
567
00:29:38,720 --> 00:29:39,761
Toast is on fire, Charley.
568
00:29:39,801 --> 00:29:41,960
Ooh. Ah!
569
00:29:42,001 --> 00:29:43,561
Oh. Ah...
570
00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:46,960
I prefer my bacon floppy.
571
00:29:48,361 --> 00:29:50,041
I can't watch this any more.
572
00:29:53,440 --> 00:29:55,041
BOTH: Waffles!
Oh.
573
00:29:55,081 --> 00:29:58,001
Ah! Ah! Ah!
574
00:29:59,001 --> 00:30:02,561
Do you want me to help?
No, no, no. I can do this.
575
00:30:02,601 --> 00:30:04,561
Thank you.
576
00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:10,041
Oh!
DOG BARKS
577
00:30:10,081 --> 00:30:11,640
No, I really...
578
00:30:11,680 --> 00:30:13,160
All right.
579
00:30:15,321 --> 00:30:16,880
All right, that's it.
580
00:30:16,920 --> 00:30:20,321
Bread, jam, sausages. I'm done.
581
00:30:22,081 --> 00:30:24,480
Oh, thank you very much.
582
00:30:24,521 --> 00:30:25,761
You're welcome.
583
00:30:27,521 --> 00:30:30,321
Here, we walked past your place
last night.
584
00:30:30,361 --> 00:30:31,640
Where'd you get your aerial?
585
00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:34,680
I have to say it's huge
and absolutely ghastly.
586
00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:37,480
What do you bloody expect?
It's a TV aerial.
587
00:30:37,521 --> 00:30:38,960
The bigger, the better.
588
00:30:39,001 --> 00:30:40,321
Pop wanted it.
589
00:30:40,361 --> 00:30:42,640
It works, though. We watched
everything till closedown.
590
00:30:42,680 --> 00:30:45,321
Gardening, news, golf, news.
Something in Welsh.
591
00:30:45,361 --> 00:30:48,801
You lucky little bastards.
My reception's crappy.
592
00:30:48,841 --> 00:30:50,761
I had to give up
and drink myself stupid.
593
00:30:51,801 --> 00:30:54,081
It is huge and ghastly,
Miss Pilchester.
594
00:30:54,120 --> 00:30:55,120
I'll have a think.
595
00:30:55,160 --> 00:30:57,761
Meanwhile, might you help
cure leprosy and rickets?
596
00:31:00,960 --> 00:31:02,720
Yeah, that'll do it.
597
00:31:06,841 --> 00:31:10,761
Oh, look at you, all relaxed.
Like a seal.
598
00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:15,720
Right. I am going in.
599
00:31:19,440 --> 00:31:20,720
What do you think?
600
00:31:21,841 --> 00:31:25,001
Gorgeous. You look like the sun,
only brighter.
601
00:31:25,041 --> 00:31:27,200
You know nothing of fashion,
Mr Larkin.
602
00:31:27,241 --> 00:31:28,720
You coming in?
No.
603
00:31:28,761 --> 00:31:32,680
Birds gotta fly, fish gotta swim,
and Pop's got a deckchair.
604
00:31:32,720 --> 00:31:34,880
There's a young girl needs
rushing down the aisle, Ma.
605
00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:36,561
Oh.
606
00:31:36,601 --> 00:31:39,081
Don't sit right, this wedding,
does it?
607
00:31:39,120 --> 00:31:41,480
No. Lambs to the slaughter, Ma.
608
00:31:41,521 --> 00:31:43,680
Which is all right on a farm,
of course.
609
00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:45,041
With a bit of mint sauce.
610
00:31:45,081 --> 00:31:47,561
CHUCKLES
Go on, girl!
611
00:31:53,400 --> 00:31:54,680
Ah!
612
00:31:57,880 --> 00:31:59,480
Right.
613
00:32:09,241 --> 00:32:15,081
VOICES ON TELEVISION,
STEAM TRAIN CHUGS
614
00:32:23,880 --> 00:32:26,561
Right. We're taking down the aerial.
615
00:32:26,601 --> 00:32:29,561
No. Pop will be sad
you wasted money.
616
00:32:29,601 --> 00:32:31,801
Don't you worry about that.
617
00:32:39,521 --> 00:32:41,920
That's it, Stirling Moss,
take your time.
618
00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:43,361
Thank you, sir.
619
00:32:44,400 --> 00:32:46,561
Anything else, sir?
620
00:32:46,601 --> 00:32:48,440
Yeah. Couldn't borrow your hat,
could I?
621
00:32:48,480 --> 00:32:49,841
Be an honour, sir.
622
00:32:52,081 --> 00:32:53,440
Thank you.
623
00:32:56,120 --> 00:32:59,281
Excuse me, are you here to take me
to the registry office?
624
00:33:00,321 --> 00:33:02,720
I certainly am, miss, yeah.
Can I take those for you?
625
00:33:02,761 --> 00:33:04,440
I'm all right, thank you.
626
00:33:05,720 --> 00:33:08,841
Right. So...
you got anyone else coming with you?
627
00:33:08,880 --> 00:33:10,200
No, just me.
Thank God for that.
628
00:33:10,241 --> 00:33:12,120
Thought you might be
bringing your mother.
629
00:33:12,160 --> 00:33:13,680
No.
630
00:33:15,281 --> 00:33:18,081
She's there already. Waiting.
631
00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:19,241
Right.
632
00:33:20,561 --> 00:33:25,041
OK.
So, let's get going, shall we?
633
00:33:29,160 --> 00:33:30,561
Sure you want to get married?
634
00:34:03,241 --> 00:34:06,001
You two known each other long, then?
635
00:34:06,041 --> 00:34:08,841
Since school, so... no. Not long.
636
00:34:08,880 --> 00:34:11,321
You've got plenty of time
to get to know each other now, eh?
637
00:34:11,361 --> 00:34:14,400
I'm still finding out about Ma
and we've been together, phew...
638
00:34:14,440 --> 00:34:15,920
400 years.
639
00:34:15,960 --> 00:34:17,920
Do you have any children?
640
00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:20,600
Yeah. Half a dozen.
Mostly in prison now.
641
00:34:20,641 --> 00:34:22,161
POP LAUGHS
642
00:34:25,241 --> 00:34:27,400
Anyway, look. Here we go.
643
00:34:27,440 --> 00:34:29,121
Already?
644
00:34:29,161 --> 00:34:30,161
Wait.
645
00:34:31,281 --> 00:34:33,440
Remember what they say.
Something old...
646
00:34:34,480 --> 00:34:35,761
Something new.
647
00:34:35,801 --> 00:34:37,641
Something borrowed.
648
00:34:37,681 --> 00:34:40,480
Something blue.
I can't show you those!
649
00:34:44,721 --> 00:34:46,721
And something from the chip shop!
650
00:34:46,761 --> 00:34:49,841
We can't!
We already have!
651
00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:52,600
Did you do this on your wedding day?
652
00:34:52,641 --> 00:34:56,440
Nope. Cos we never got married.
Overrated, if you ask me.
653
00:35:05,121 --> 00:35:07,121
Help!
654
00:35:09,801 --> 00:35:11,121
WHINES
655
00:35:17,920 --> 00:35:20,241
Thanks. I feel a bit better now.
656
00:35:20,281 --> 00:35:22,000
So, getting cold feet?
657
00:35:22,040 --> 00:35:24,600
Mm-mm. Not about Kenny.
658
00:35:24,641 --> 00:35:27,241
He's, erm... wonderful.
659
00:35:27,281 --> 00:35:29,960
Hmm. So, you have children,
but aren't married?
660
00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:32,000
Yeah. I mean, don't get me wrong,
I love a wedding.
661
00:35:32,040 --> 00:35:34,721
Unless, of course, it's got
all the goodwill of a firing squad.
662
00:35:34,761 --> 00:35:36,281
Yeah.
663
00:35:36,321 --> 00:35:37,721
Well, we have to.
664
00:35:37,761 --> 00:35:40,321
My parents can't bare the shame
if we don't, apparently.
665
00:35:40,361 --> 00:35:42,161
It's not their life.
666
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:45,201
We won't survive without them,
though.
667
00:35:45,241 --> 00:35:47,201
Who said that?
My mother.
668
00:35:47,241 --> 00:35:49,000
What's your dad think?
669
00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:52,040
Whatever my mother thinks.
He's lost the will to live, really.
670
00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:55,361
Well, if you buy your mum's deal,
that might be you and Kenny.
671
00:35:58,681 --> 00:36:00,841
Did you always know
Ma was the one for you?
672
00:36:00,880 --> 00:36:03,040
Oh, yeah,
first time I laid eyes on her.
673
00:36:03,080 --> 00:36:05,000
Yeah. She's everything I'm not.
674
00:36:05,040 --> 00:36:06,641
And braver, too.
675
00:36:06,681 --> 00:36:08,480
I mean, you should've seen her
this morning
676
00:36:08,520 --> 00:36:10,161
when she strode out into that sea.
677
00:36:13,641 --> 00:36:16,321
She can't still be out there,
surely.
678
00:36:22,721 --> 00:36:24,201
Pop!
679
00:36:25,321 --> 00:36:27,080
Pop!
680
00:36:27,121 --> 00:36:30,161
Ma! Come in!
You'll catch your death of cold.
681
00:36:30,201 --> 00:36:31,880
I can't!
682
00:36:31,920 --> 00:36:34,080
What?!
I can't.
683
00:36:34,121 --> 00:36:35,161
Why not?!
684
00:36:37,681 --> 00:36:39,440
Oh, my Gawd.
685
00:36:39,480 --> 00:36:41,440
What do you want me to do?!
Help me.
686
00:36:46,440 --> 00:36:47,960
Oh, Gawd!
687
00:36:49,201 --> 00:36:52,721
Wait there! Stay there, Ma.
Stay there. Stay there, Ma.
688
00:36:52,761 --> 00:36:54,080
Stay there.
689
00:36:54,121 --> 00:36:55,641
Good afternoon, madam.
690
00:36:55,681 --> 00:36:56,841
HE LAUGHS
691
00:36:56,880 --> 00:37:00,721
May I escort you to the beach?
692
00:37:01,960 --> 00:37:03,480
If you would.
693
00:37:03,520 --> 00:37:06,801
Good. There's someone
I'd like you to meet.
694
00:37:06,841 --> 00:37:09,400
Come on, girl.
695
00:37:09,440 --> 00:37:11,761
Oh-ho-ho!
696
00:37:14,560 --> 00:37:16,801
Ma, this is Xanthe.
697
00:37:16,841 --> 00:37:19,040
I was just giving her a lift
to the registry office,
698
00:37:19,080 --> 00:37:20,400
then she had a change of heart.
699
00:37:20,440 --> 00:37:22,241
Hello, love.
700
00:37:22,281 --> 00:37:23,880
I've just been in the water
for an hour,
701
00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:25,080
so I'm not looking my best.
702
00:37:26,361 --> 00:37:28,761
That is the most romantic thing
I've ever seen.
703
00:37:28,801 --> 00:37:31,520
Well, I'd do anything
for this woman.
704
00:37:31,560 --> 00:37:32,681
Because you love her.
705
00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:36,241
And I love my Kenny.
706
00:37:37,641 --> 00:37:39,801
We can't just leave him there.
We have to go back.
707
00:37:39,841 --> 00:37:42,681
Well, come on, let's go!
There you go. Jump in.
708
00:37:50,520 --> 00:37:51,721
Shoulders back.
709
00:37:52,801 --> 00:37:54,201
Sorry.
710
00:37:54,241 --> 00:37:55,400
Where is she?
711
00:37:55,440 --> 00:37:59,121
ORGAN PLAYS BRIDAL MARCH
712
00:38:02,560 --> 00:38:04,560
You again. What are you doing?
713
00:38:04,600 --> 00:38:07,321
I'd love a word with Kenny.
Is he free at all?
714
00:38:07,361 --> 00:38:09,520
No, he isn't.
Just a quick one.
715
00:38:09,560 --> 00:38:10,480
Come on. Outside.
716
00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:12,161
Sorry about this. Back in two ticks.
717
00:38:12,201 --> 00:38:13,641
Ooh, good hat.
718
00:38:13,681 --> 00:38:15,560
Quick chat with the bride.
719
00:38:15,600 --> 00:38:18,440
No! This is a good marriage.
They go skiing.
720
00:38:18,480 --> 00:38:19,560
Ooh!
721
00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:21,121
Kenny, quickly.
722
00:38:22,400 --> 00:38:25,721
You will get married.
And we will tame you.
723
00:38:25,761 --> 00:38:28,880
And your baby will
carry on the line!
724
00:38:28,920 --> 00:38:31,121
No, he's the man.
So it's their line.
725
00:38:31,161 --> 00:38:34,121
Normally.
But I have a very good lawyer.
726
00:38:34,161 --> 00:38:36,801
Come on. Quick. This way. Come on.
727
00:38:40,321 --> 00:38:42,000
Go, go, go, go!
728
00:38:52,721 --> 00:38:56,281
Oh, yes, let's all run away
from things we don't want to do.
729
00:38:56,321 --> 00:38:57,600
What's going on?
730
00:38:57,641 --> 00:38:59,241
I couldn't do it, Kenny.
731
00:38:59,281 --> 00:39:02,241
It's not that I don't love you, but
none of this has been our decision.
732
00:39:02,281 --> 00:39:03,960
And I want it to be.
733
00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:05,801
You do want to be with me?
734
00:39:05,841 --> 00:39:07,520
She really does.
735
00:39:07,560 --> 00:39:09,121
Huge fan of yours.
736
00:39:11,721 --> 00:39:13,201
Now, here we go.
737
00:39:14,560 --> 00:39:16,480
So, what happens now?
738
00:39:16,520 --> 00:39:18,841
I'd get out of Margate for a bit.
739
00:39:18,880 --> 00:39:21,841
Here. It's our unwedding gift.
740
00:39:23,080 --> 00:39:24,761
Thanks, Pop.
741
00:39:24,801 --> 00:39:27,480
But... what about the baby?
742
00:39:27,520 --> 00:39:30,641
You meet trouble,
your parents will see the baby,
743
00:39:30,681 --> 00:39:32,841
their hearts will melt
and they'll help you out.
744
00:39:32,880 --> 00:39:34,801
Meantime, we're down the road
in Littlechurch.
745
00:39:34,841 --> 00:39:36,241
Larkins' Farm.
746
00:39:36,281 --> 00:39:38,761
So, if you get time to yourselves,
just drop in, eh?
747
00:39:38,801 --> 00:39:42,560
We'll help you find a place.
Anything you need, set you up nice.
748
00:39:43,641 --> 00:39:46,400
I don't know how
we can ever thank you.
749
00:39:48,841 --> 00:39:50,801
Oh, I nearly forgot.
750
00:39:53,080 --> 00:39:54,361
Ah!
751
00:39:54,400 --> 00:39:57,121
Good catch, Ma.
Brilliant!
752
00:39:57,161 --> 00:40:00,440
Remember when we had our Mariette?
They're gonna need some luck.
753
00:40:00,480 --> 00:40:02,841
Best time, though.
Oh, it is.
754
00:40:04,040 --> 00:40:06,281
Suppose that's what Mariette's
doing now, isn't it?
755
00:40:06,321 --> 00:40:08,040
Needing to strike out on her own.
756
00:40:08,080 --> 00:40:11,241
Different in her case, though.
Completely different.
757
00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:18,161
INTERMITTENT VOICES THROUGH STATIC
758
00:40:29,681 --> 00:40:33,161
Ah. Mum and Charley will be pleased.
759
00:40:33,201 --> 00:40:35,841
So, who'd you sell the aerial to,
then?
760
00:40:35,880 --> 00:40:37,761
Well, you'll see it around.
761
00:40:43,201 --> 00:40:47,560
VOICES ON TELEVISION
762
00:40:56,560 --> 00:40:59,241
'They have. It's all over.'
763
00:41:07,841 --> 00:41:10,880
Can I take your bags to the car,
sir?
764
00:41:10,920 --> 00:41:13,520
Can you, though?
That's the question.
765
00:41:13,560 --> 00:41:16,321
Nah. Probably not.
766
00:41:16,361 --> 00:41:17,801
Oh, dear.
767
00:41:17,841 --> 00:41:19,480
The Ugly Mothers.
768
00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:21,641
You've got a nerve turning up here.
769
00:41:21,681 --> 00:41:23,121
We should go to the police.
770
00:41:23,161 --> 00:41:26,121
Actually, should we go to
the police? And tell them what?
771
00:41:26,161 --> 00:41:28,040
That we helped
two lovely young people
772
00:41:28,080 --> 00:41:30,040
decide for themselves
what they want in life?
773
00:41:30,080 --> 00:41:33,000
If that's a crime, I'm a badger.
774
00:41:33,040 --> 00:41:35,161
Ladies.
775
00:41:35,201 --> 00:41:36,761
I understand. I really do.
776
00:41:36,801 --> 00:41:38,960
It's hard, isn't it,
all this parenting lark?
777
00:41:39,000 --> 00:41:40,400
You don't have to tell me that.
778
00:41:40,440 --> 00:41:43,080
Cos we love 'em, don't we?
And we want what's best for them.
779
00:41:43,121 --> 00:41:44,880
But you gotta remember being young.
780
00:41:44,920 --> 00:41:46,600
Don't ya? Hey?
781
00:41:46,641 --> 00:41:49,281
I mean, it weren't that long ago
for the two of you, I can tell that.
782
00:41:53,480 --> 00:41:59,281
Don't tell me you've forgotten the
tingling rush as you hold the hand
783
00:41:59,321 --> 00:42:01,681
of the one person who makes
your heart beat faster.
784
00:42:01,721 --> 00:42:03,281
They're young.
785
00:42:03,321 --> 00:42:06,361
They're in love
and they're gonna have a baby.
786
00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:09,600
What they don't need right now
is a bit of paper
787
00:42:09,641 --> 00:42:11,801
that makes you two feel decent.
788
00:42:11,841 --> 00:42:13,761
They need your support.
789
00:42:13,801 --> 00:42:16,080
So, show 'em some love.
790
00:42:16,121 --> 00:42:18,281
And let 'em work it out
for themselves, why don't you?
791
00:42:18,321 --> 00:42:20,000
And then what?
792
00:42:20,040 --> 00:42:24,361
Well, then you might get
what you really want.
793
00:42:24,400 --> 00:42:25,480
Which is?
794
00:42:25,520 --> 00:42:27,440
Your little girl
to come back to you.
795
00:42:31,841 --> 00:42:33,600
How did you know that?
796
00:42:38,121 --> 00:42:40,281
It's what we all want, really,
innit?
797
00:42:45,321 --> 00:42:46,920
That bit of fence is down, look.
798
00:42:46,960 --> 00:42:49,440
Oh, yeah. But they didn't escape.
799
00:42:49,480 --> 00:42:52,080
Maybe the best way
to make a horse stay
800
00:42:52,121 --> 00:42:54,960
is to show it that it's free
to decide for itself.
801
00:42:55,000 --> 00:42:56,761
Thanks, Aristotle (!)
802
00:42:56,801 --> 00:42:58,641
What, are you saying
I'm like a horse?
803
00:42:58,681 --> 00:43:00,080
Er... well...
804
00:43:02,000 --> 00:43:05,040
So, are you gonna
use that sick note, then?
805
00:43:05,080 --> 00:43:07,520
Oh, yeah.
Stay around a bit longer?
806
00:43:08,600 --> 00:43:11,520
Yeah, well, I mean,
it would be rude not to.
807
00:43:11,560 --> 00:43:13,040
But I have to do something.
808
00:43:13,080 --> 00:43:16,560
I can't just wander through
fields of buttercups all day.
809
00:43:21,681 --> 00:43:22,880
HORSE SNORTS
810
00:43:22,920 --> 00:43:27,121
Urgh! You know, I was
just starting to like you.
811
00:43:27,161 --> 00:43:28,241
Who? Me or Biscuit?
812
00:43:28,281 --> 00:43:30,040
That is a stupid name for a horse.
813
00:43:30,080 --> 00:43:32,520
It's not a stupid name.
She's the colour of a biscuit.
814
00:43:32,560 --> 00:43:35,241
But biscuits come in all colours.
"Biscuits come in all colours."
815
00:43:35,281 --> 00:43:38,480
"Biscuits come in all colours."
But I didn't say it like that.
816
00:43:38,520 --> 00:43:39,880
You did!
817
00:43:45,721 --> 00:43:47,880
Ah!
We missed you!
818
00:43:47,920 --> 00:43:49,201
How was it?
819
00:43:49,241 --> 00:43:51,400
Good and bad.
Your mum dissolved at one point.
820
00:43:51,440 --> 00:43:53,801
Got any presents?
Maybe.
821
00:43:53,841 --> 00:43:55,960
ALL GASP AND EXCLAIM
822
00:43:56,000 --> 00:43:58,400
Oh, wow. Nice work, Charley boy.
823
00:43:58,440 --> 00:44:02,161
Not really. Your children
outwitted me at every turn.
824
00:44:02,201 --> 00:44:06,040
With all due respect, I'd be shocked
if they hadn't, Charley.
825
00:44:06,080 --> 00:44:07,201
Mm-hm.
826
00:44:07,241 --> 00:44:08,560
This is yours, Pop.
Oh, yeah?
827
00:44:08,600 --> 00:44:09,801
We haven't got the aerial.
828
00:44:11,040 --> 00:44:13,440
There's more there than I give you.
Yeah, I got a good deal,
829
00:44:13,480 --> 00:44:15,641
but it looked horrible,
so I sold it for more.
830
00:44:15,681 --> 00:44:17,321
What a girl!
831
00:44:17,361 --> 00:44:19,600
There's a Larkin.
Well done, Mariette.
832
00:44:19,641 --> 00:44:21,480
Oh, thank you kindly.
833
00:44:21,520 --> 00:44:24,440
Now, this is all Charley's work.
The cakes, sandwiches, the...
834
00:44:24,480 --> 00:44:26,000
Don't eat the drop scones.
835
00:44:26,040 --> 00:44:27,920
He's been such a pal.
836
00:44:27,960 --> 00:44:29,080
A pal?
837
00:44:29,121 --> 00:44:31,880
Mariette had a date with Tom.
Don't want to talk about it.
838
00:44:33,201 --> 00:44:36,440
How's my Victoria been?
Ah, well, my one success.
839
00:44:36,480 --> 00:44:38,920
Head in a gardening book
all weekend.
840
00:44:38,960 --> 00:44:41,841
I think you might have
a budding horticulturist there.
841
00:44:41,880 --> 00:44:43,600
Aw, Vickie!
842
00:44:44,841 --> 00:44:46,400
Lady Chatterley's Lover?!
843
00:44:46,440 --> 00:44:49,161
Oh, God!
LAUGHTER
844
00:44:49,201 --> 00:44:51,361
Go and watch television right now,
young lady.
845
00:44:51,400 --> 00:44:53,681
Honestly! Oof.
846
00:44:53,721 --> 00:44:56,600
We go away for one weekend
and the place falls apart.
847
00:44:56,641 --> 00:45:00,400
Yeah, I doubt we'll risk going away
again for a while. If ever.
848
00:45:00,440 --> 00:45:03,560
Now, Pop and I have learnt
some things this weekend
849
00:45:03,600 --> 00:45:06,880
about respect and honesty
within a family.
850
00:45:06,920 --> 00:45:10,920
So... Yes, we have.
So from now on, if we as parents...
851
00:45:10,960 --> 00:45:14,560
And this...
This is serious, by the way.
852
00:45:19,281 --> 00:45:21,681
Sooner we marry them off,
the better. Mm.
853
00:45:21,721 --> 00:45:23,880
Yep.
Where's your boat?
854
00:45:23,920 --> 00:45:25,161
Oh, yeah.
855
00:45:25,201 --> 00:45:26,801
Here you go, Ma, look at that.
856
00:45:26,841 --> 00:45:29,040
Aw.
It's a beauty, innit?
857
00:45:29,080 --> 00:45:30,321
Mmm.
858
00:45:31,681 --> 00:45:33,281
Happy days, eh?
859
00:45:34,321 --> 00:45:36,321
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860
00:45:36,371 --> 00:45:40,921
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