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1
00:00:10,355 --> 00:00:13,236
HE WHISTLES
2
00:00:15,395 --> 00:00:17,235
HE TOOTS HORN
3
00:00:25,356 --> 00:00:28,516
Don't run! Pull up your socks.
4
00:00:28,555 --> 00:00:31,235
Zinnia, Petunia - ladylike.
5
00:00:31,275 --> 00:00:34,555
Victoria, slouching!
6
00:00:39,556 --> 00:00:41,515
Ooh!
7
00:00:41,556 --> 00:00:43,515
Ooh...
8
00:00:55,155 --> 00:00:56,475
Ah!
9
00:01:12,236 --> 00:01:14,395
WINCH RATTLING
10
00:01:14,436 --> 00:01:17,195
Come on. You beauty!
11
00:01:18,676 --> 00:01:21,316
All right, Pop?
Hey, Mariette.
12
00:01:21,355 --> 00:01:23,275
Now, THAT is a good day's work.
13
00:01:23,316 --> 00:01:26,355
Isn't it just?
Been looking for this for years.
14
00:01:26,395 --> 00:01:28,275
SHE SIGHS
Let's fly away.
15
00:01:29,316 --> 00:01:31,596
CHILD: We're out of ketchup!
No!
16
00:01:33,275 --> 00:01:34,915
Can we get some?
Can I drive?
17
00:01:34,956 --> 00:01:35,995
Course you can!
18
00:01:38,156 --> 00:01:40,156
Oh, look at that sky.
19
00:01:42,475 --> 00:01:45,355
SHRIEKS AND LAUGHTER
20
00:01:45,395 --> 00:01:46,835
You all right back there?
21
00:01:46,876 --> 00:01:49,195
Uh-huh. Yeah.
Yeah. Mostly.
22
00:01:49,236 --> 00:01:51,236
HORN TOOTS
23
00:02:00,796 --> 00:02:02,316
Come on, Petunia. Down you jump.
24
00:02:02,355 --> 00:02:04,635
All right, off and play.
Go on. Don't get dirty.
25
00:02:04,676 --> 00:02:06,835
All right, Reg?
Pop, on your head!
26
00:02:06,876 --> 00:02:08,755
Stanley Matthews!
REG LAUGHS
27
00:02:08,796 --> 00:02:11,355
Here you go, Pop. Oh, lovely.
That looks nice, don't it?
28
00:02:11,395 --> 00:02:14,835
Ooh, that's it.
Oh! There she blows. Mmm.
29
00:02:14,876 --> 00:02:16,996
Happy days.
30
00:02:17,036 --> 00:02:18,675
Oh, God.
Oh, hello.
31
00:02:18,716 --> 00:02:20,316
If it ain't the Holy Trinity.
32
00:02:20,355 --> 00:02:22,795
Larkin, move your ugly vehicle.
It's obstructing mine.
33
00:02:22,836 --> 00:02:25,915
What? Your nice little
lady run-around, Alec?
34
00:02:25,955 --> 00:02:28,116
It's a high-performance sports car.
35
00:02:28,156 --> 00:02:29,915
Ah.
HE WHISTLES
36
00:02:29,955 --> 00:02:32,436
Montgomery! Do us a favour -
shift the pick-up, can you,
37
00:02:32,475 --> 00:02:35,316
so Alec can get to
his nice little lady run-around?
38
00:02:35,355 --> 00:02:36,716
HE CHUCKLES
39
00:02:36,755 --> 00:02:38,635
All right, Vicar? Norma, darling?
40
00:02:38,675 --> 00:02:41,116
Hungover. Feel like bloody death.
41
00:02:41,156 --> 00:02:43,556
I'm very much not your darling.
42
00:02:43,596 --> 00:02:45,436
I'd like to think
everyone's my darling,
43
00:02:45,475 --> 00:02:48,036
and I'm everyone's.
Otherwise, why are we here?
44
00:02:49,635 --> 00:02:51,475
Well, come on,
what are you nattering about?
45
00:02:51,515 --> 00:02:53,036
Horse and Hound Committee business.
46
00:02:53,075 --> 00:02:54,276
Oh.
47
00:02:54,316 --> 00:02:56,675
Ralph Fortescue's resigned
as Master of Hounds,
48
00:02:56,716 --> 00:02:59,316
taking his gymkhana field
and hunting land.
49
00:02:59,355 --> 00:03:00,596
Tight bleeder.
50
00:03:00,635 --> 00:03:02,795
Well, why don't you just use
our medders?
51
00:03:02,836 --> 00:03:05,436
Eh? You know us Larkins,
liberty hall.
52
00:03:07,755 --> 00:03:10,355
CRASH
What do you think you're doing?!
53
00:03:10,396 --> 00:03:12,795
Oh! God.
54
00:03:12,836 --> 00:03:14,276
GEARS GRINDING
55
00:03:15,915 --> 00:03:18,036
Ease her forward gently, son.
56
00:03:20,955 --> 00:03:23,915
And stop.
Why did you let him drive?
57
00:03:23,955 --> 00:03:26,436
He's only about eight!
13!
58
00:03:26,475 --> 00:03:27,955
Shut up!
59
00:03:27,996 --> 00:03:29,955
Er, apologies,
we'll pay for the damage.
60
00:03:29,996 --> 00:03:32,355
You're a toe-rag, like your dad!
Oi, pack it in.
61
00:03:32,396 --> 00:03:34,716
If anyone's gonna put him right,
it'll be me or his Ma.
62
00:03:34,755 --> 00:03:36,635
Just tell us how much we owe you
to get it fixed.
63
00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:38,836
Conservative estimate, �250.
64
00:03:39,836 --> 00:03:41,596
I'm in the wrong sodding business!
65
00:03:43,235 --> 00:03:46,036
Here. With the leftover cash,
get yourself a spare car.
66
00:03:46,075 --> 00:03:49,316
Well, why don't I give you back some
of this to buy some contraception?
67
00:03:51,075 --> 00:03:52,596
LAUGHTER
68
00:03:52,635 --> 00:03:54,955
Now we can get stuck in!
69
00:03:54,996 --> 00:03:56,755
Get back, get back.
70
00:03:56,795 --> 00:04:00,116
ALL CHATTER
Can you sort those carrots out?
71
00:04:00,156 --> 00:04:03,396
Give 'em to your sister, please.
All right, pumpkin.
72
00:04:03,436 --> 00:04:05,596
Victoria,
you can have four potatoes.
73
00:04:05,635 --> 00:04:08,116
KNOCK AT DOOR
Come in!
74
00:04:08,156 --> 00:04:10,075
Door's open!
75
00:04:10,116 --> 00:04:11,716
What's wrong with Mariette?
76
00:04:11,755 --> 00:04:13,276
Nothing.
77
00:04:13,316 --> 00:04:15,955
What's wrong with YOU? She got
percussion from banging her head.
78
00:04:15,996 --> 00:04:19,716
Unless she fell on some drums,
it's called CON-cussion.
79
00:04:19,755 --> 00:04:21,475
KNOCKING
I'll get it.
80
00:04:23,435 --> 00:04:25,156
Oh, Brigadier!
81
00:04:25,196 --> 00:04:26,995
Trouble.
Oh?
82
00:04:27,036 --> 00:04:30,355
Well, calm your nerves.
Have a snifter.
83
00:04:30,396 --> 00:04:32,756
Er... No, I-I couldn't.
84
00:04:32,795 --> 00:04:37,235
No? Well, I'm having
a Dragon's Blood with...
85
00:04:37,276 --> 00:04:39,115
a dash of lime.
86
00:04:40,795 --> 00:04:42,956
Beer with fruit. Extraordinary.
Yeah.
87
00:04:42,995 --> 00:04:45,235
You've got a telly.
88
00:04:45,276 --> 00:04:47,235
Yeah, well, it lightens up the room,
don't it?
89
00:04:47,276 --> 00:04:49,235
Ma.
90
00:04:49,276 --> 00:04:51,115
Brigadier!
Hello!
91
00:04:51,156 --> 00:04:52,596
Help yourself to some dinner.
92
00:04:52,636 --> 00:04:55,315
No, I couldn't.
Blimey, that's a lot of food.
93
00:04:55,355 --> 00:04:57,475
I've got a bite of cold at home.
94
00:04:57,516 --> 00:05:00,596
No, no. You are not having any cold.
95
00:05:00,636 --> 00:05:02,756
Cold, my foot. Go on, take a seat.
96
00:05:02,795 --> 00:05:04,956
Now, chomp on that.
It's yummy.
97
00:05:04,995 --> 00:05:07,435
You're very welcome.
Thank you.
98
00:05:07,475 --> 00:05:08,915
So, the horrors.
99
00:05:08,956 --> 00:05:12,435
They want to appoint Alec Norman
as Master of Hounds.
100
00:05:12,475 --> 00:05:15,435
I could see that coming. Yeah.
But you know what? It don't matter.
101
00:05:15,475 --> 00:05:16,596
Sky ain't gonna fall in.
102
00:05:16,636 --> 00:05:18,836
Mind you, he's a bit of berk,
ain't he, Montgomery?
103
00:05:18,875 --> 00:05:21,156
I scraped his little lady run-around
by mistake,
104
00:05:21,196 --> 00:05:22,995
and he charged us 250 quid.
105
00:05:23,036 --> 00:05:24,516
What?!
Called Dad a toe-rag.
106
00:05:24,555 --> 00:05:27,235
He called you what?! 250 quid?
107
00:05:27,276 --> 00:05:28,875
You could've had him shot for less.
108
00:05:28,915 --> 00:05:30,315
And he said we need contraception.
109
00:05:30,355 --> 00:05:31,875
What's that?
110
00:05:31,915 --> 00:05:34,596
It's very rude of him,
is what it is.
111
00:05:34,636 --> 00:05:37,396
You see, he's an utter rogue.
Alec can't be Master of Hounds.
112
00:05:37,435 --> 00:05:39,956
You should be it, Brigadier.
Yeah.
113
00:05:39,995 --> 00:05:42,115
Tush! Stop!
114
00:05:42,156 --> 00:05:43,555
Hardly me.
115
00:05:43,596 --> 00:05:45,315
No!
116
00:05:45,355 --> 00:05:48,836
Ketchup with goose? Oh, yeah.
Always need a bit of ketchup.
117
00:05:50,396 --> 00:05:51,675
It perks it up a bit.
118
00:05:51,716 --> 00:05:54,315
Mariette, get your seconds.
119
00:05:54,355 --> 00:05:56,516
No, thanks, Mum,
I'm not in the mood.
120
00:06:07,355 --> 00:06:09,995
Time to share your burdens,
sweetheart.
121
00:06:16,475 --> 00:06:18,156
I'm going to France.
122
00:06:18,196 --> 00:06:21,315
At the end of the month.
Abroad? What?!
123
00:06:21,355 --> 00:06:24,756
I've been writing to places in Paris
about jobs. They need au pairs...
124
00:06:24,795 --> 00:06:27,396
You've got work here.
But it's more than that.
125
00:06:27,435 --> 00:06:30,915
I love the French style,
the language and the films and...
126
00:06:30,956 --> 00:06:32,795
They take their medicines
up their bottoms.
127
00:06:32,836 --> 00:06:34,435
Is that stylish?
128
00:06:35,596 --> 00:06:36,716
Is it?
129
00:06:36,756 --> 00:06:39,836
Look, you see?
I've got so much to discover.
130
00:06:39,875 --> 00:06:44,875
I... I love you,
but I need to leave home.
131
00:06:47,756 --> 00:06:51,956
Oh, don't say nothing.
You NEVER say nothing!
132
00:07:10,555 --> 00:07:13,555
We're not gonna be the same family
without Mariette, Ma.
133
00:07:13,596 --> 00:07:15,196
I know.
134
00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:18,636
The kids worship her.
Especially Primrose.
135
00:07:18,675 --> 00:07:20,435
It's too bad Mariette...
136
00:07:20,475 --> 00:07:23,315
just can't find a boy
she loves round here, you know?
137
00:07:23,355 --> 00:07:25,636
Mm, well, to be fair,
138
00:07:25,675 --> 00:07:28,516
there's a lot of lads in the village
with heads full of straw.
139
00:07:28,555 --> 00:07:32,795
And men like Alec Norman.
Contraception?!
140
00:07:32,836 --> 00:07:35,435
I'm tucking that one behind my ear.
141
00:07:36,716 --> 00:07:38,716
Mariette is 19.
142
00:07:40,355 --> 00:07:42,716
Remember what that feels like?
Mm.
143
00:07:43,956 --> 00:07:46,756
It'll be all right.
Yeah.
144
00:07:46,795 --> 00:07:48,596
I'll persuade her to stay.
145
00:07:50,156 --> 00:07:53,036
We don't believe in worrying, do we?
Eh?
146
00:07:54,396 --> 00:07:56,756
Leave that to everyone else.
147
00:07:56,795 --> 00:07:59,995
Ooh! Oh, you cheeky f...
148
00:08:00,036 --> 00:08:02,875
Now, now.
..armer.
149
00:08:02,915 --> 00:08:05,115
Ow!
BOTH LAUGHING
150
00:08:09,836 --> 00:08:12,636
Come on, baby
We got chicken in the barn
151
00:08:12,675 --> 00:08:14,516
Whose barn, what barn, my barn
152
00:08:14,555 --> 00:08:17,516
Ba-da-da, ba-doop, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
153
00:08:17,555 --> 00:08:20,795
Whole lot of shakin' goin' on...
Whoo-ah!
154
00:08:20,836 --> 00:08:22,716
What if I need you
when you're away?
155
00:08:22,756 --> 00:08:24,756
You'll be off too, one day.
To college.
156
00:08:24,795 --> 00:08:26,235
Your brain's the size of a melon.
157
00:08:26,276 --> 00:08:27,995
But you're good at the stuff
I'm not.
158
00:08:28,036 --> 00:08:29,875
Oh, yeah, and what stuff's that?
159
00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:36,716
Thanks, Mariette. Bye, Boffin.
160
00:08:38,875 --> 00:08:41,036
Brian, we've talked about
your staring.
161
00:08:41,075 --> 00:08:43,675
Um, will you come out for a...
No.
162
00:08:48,955 --> 00:08:50,636
Hello.
Good morning.
163
00:08:50,675 --> 00:08:52,075
Tom Fisher.
164
00:08:52,116 --> 00:08:54,435
Mariette Larkin.
You passing through?
165
00:08:54,476 --> 00:08:56,675
Nope. I just moved in, down there.
166
00:08:56,715 --> 00:09:00,075
You sure? We haven't had anyone new
in the village since 1949.
167
00:09:00,116 --> 00:09:03,476
And do people
usually arrive by horse?
168
00:09:03,516 --> 00:09:06,595
Horse, bike, sheep...
169
00:09:06,636 --> 00:09:08,356
combine harvester.
170
00:09:08,396 --> 00:09:10,396
See you around.
171
00:09:34,476 --> 00:09:37,915
The Horse and Hounds Committee needs
to decide on a new Master of Hounds.
172
00:09:37,955 --> 00:09:41,435
Yes, of course.
I'm nominating my husband Alec,
173
00:09:41,476 --> 00:09:43,356
cos he's the right calibre
of person.
174
00:09:43,396 --> 00:09:46,396
Let's face it, there aren't
many men of calibre in the village.
175
00:09:46,435 --> 00:09:48,236
Hello, Norma.
176
00:09:48,276 --> 00:09:50,636
Hello, Libby.
Mrs Larkin!
177
00:09:50,675 --> 00:09:52,156
"Calibre", is it?
178
00:09:52,195 --> 00:09:54,756
Or is that just snobbish claptrap?
Just asking.
179
00:09:54,795 --> 00:09:56,156
Are you suggesting
180
00:09:56,195 --> 00:09:58,595
your husband could be
a suitable Master of Hounds?
181
00:09:58,636 --> 00:10:00,636
Well, I wasn't, but... Why not?
182
00:10:00,675 --> 00:10:02,156
SHE LAUGHS
183
00:10:02,195 --> 00:10:03,555
LIBBY JOINS IN
184
00:10:03,595 --> 00:10:05,356
Stop it, Libby.
Sorry.
185
00:10:05,396 --> 00:10:08,715
What qualities would you consider
necessary for the position?
186
00:10:08,756 --> 00:10:10,236
Decency.
187
00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:11,795
Oh, my husband has that.
188
00:10:11,835 --> 00:10:13,955
Organisational experience.
189
00:10:13,996 --> 00:10:17,396
Oh, got it! He's a dealer, dear.
With a junkyard.
190
00:10:17,435 --> 00:10:19,156
He is a gentleman farmer.
191
00:10:19,195 --> 00:10:21,595
You don't deserve him
as Master of Foxhounds.
192
00:10:21,636 --> 00:10:26,276
He's always offering our land
and donating. Libby, stay!
193
00:10:26,315 --> 00:10:28,876
Oh, you look so pretty.
194
00:10:28,915 --> 00:10:31,075
Like a doll.
Thank you.
195
00:10:31,116 --> 00:10:33,116
If only!
196
00:10:33,156 --> 00:10:36,276
And, er, how did your husband
come by his money?
197
00:10:36,315 --> 00:10:38,036
Oh, by being quick on the uptake.
198
00:10:38,075 --> 00:10:40,955
And he doesn't cheat people,
if that's what you mean.
199
00:10:42,435 --> 00:10:43,835
Unless they deserve it.
200
00:10:43,876 --> 00:10:46,595
He'll never be Master,
because he's common.
201
00:10:46,636 --> 00:10:50,795
And there are rumours he can't read.
202
00:10:53,915 --> 00:10:57,715
SHE LAUGHS SHARPLY
Where do people get these ideas?
203
00:11:13,996 --> 00:11:15,595
Edith.
204
00:11:15,636 --> 00:11:17,955
Mr Larkin!
I look absolutely ghastly.
205
00:11:17,996 --> 00:11:19,236
No, you don't.
206
00:11:19,276 --> 00:11:21,075
I've been refreshing my pelmets.
207
00:11:21,116 --> 00:11:23,476
Yeah, I must do that.
Have some goose.
208
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:25,876
All the trimmings. Ma's idea.
209
00:11:27,195 --> 00:11:28,636
Come in, come in.
210
00:11:30,835 --> 00:11:33,795
Oh, what would I do without you?
211
00:11:33,835 --> 00:11:36,835
Oh, well, we don't do as much
as you, Edith, do we?
212
00:11:36,876 --> 00:11:40,036
18 committees,
run your home on thruppence.
213
00:11:40,075 --> 00:11:43,955
To be honest,
I am... feeling the pinch.
214
00:11:43,996 --> 00:11:46,555
Aw, Edith, come on.
What's happening? Spill it.
215
00:11:46,595 --> 00:11:47,835
An absolutely ghastly man
216
00:11:47,876 --> 00:11:50,156
wants to buy my cottage
as a weekend bolt-hole.
217
00:11:50,195 --> 00:11:52,675
We don't want weekenders
buying up down here.
218
00:11:52,715 --> 00:11:55,996
Oh, it's bad enough with commuters
like Alec. Tell him to take a hike.
219
00:11:56,036 --> 00:11:58,036
Well, I have,
but he's rather a bully
220
00:11:58,075 --> 00:12:01,236
and can see I'm a little desperate.
One tries to hold one's head up.
221
00:12:01,276 --> 00:12:03,835
You don't want to move, though,
do you? Lord, no!
222
00:12:03,876 --> 00:12:05,356
Everything I love is here.
223
00:12:05,396 --> 00:12:08,675
Well, our Mariette's
wanting to leave home.
224
00:12:08,715 --> 00:12:10,595
And that is absolutely ghastly.
225
00:12:10,636 --> 00:12:12,516
Oh, God, if I was her age,
I'd be gone like a shot.
226
00:12:13,915 --> 00:12:16,476
I-I'm sorry, there must be
something wrong with me.
227
00:12:16,516 --> 00:12:19,595
Is your buyer bloke coming back?
Mm-hm. This afternoon.
228
00:12:19,636 --> 00:12:21,756
Right. I'll be here.
229
00:12:21,795 --> 00:12:24,036
We can't have you
being pushed around.
230
00:12:34,075 --> 00:12:36,195
Formidable!
231
00:12:36,236 --> 00:12:38,715
You're not going yet, are you?
Oh! No, not today.
232
00:12:38,756 --> 00:12:41,396
Look, I know you know everything,
but shouldn't you be in school?
233
00:12:41,435 --> 00:12:43,195
This is more important.
234
00:12:44,276 --> 00:12:45,835
I need your advice.
235
00:12:45,876 --> 00:12:47,516
About love.
236
00:12:49,116 --> 00:12:51,396
Yes, I know I'm not known for that,
237
00:12:51,435 --> 00:12:54,595
but I met a boy three weeks ago
and I really like him.
238
00:12:55,756 --> 00:12:57,156
We had a kiss.
239
00:12:57,195 --> 00:12:58,996
Who is he?
240
00:12:59,036 --> 00:13:03,236
His name's Eddie.
He works at the travelling funfair.
241
00:13:03,276 --> 00:13:04,435
What's wrong with that?
242
00:13:04,476 --> 00:13:07,236
Oh, it's just you won't see him
again, that's all.
243
00:13:07,276 --> 00:13:08,476
Why not?
244
00:13:08,516 --> 00:13:11,315
I told him where we live.
He promised he'd write and visit.
245
00:13:11,356 --> 00:13:15,555
Oh, Prim, he's a carny lad.
They just... move on.
246
00:13:15,595 --> 00:13:17,435
But he promised.
247
00:13:17,476 --> 00:13:19,156
He looked me in the eyes.
248
00:13:19,195 --> 00:13:21,955
I love him! He can't abandon me.
249
00:13:21,996 --> 00:13:23,236
They are known for it.
250
00:13:23,276 --> 00:13:25,555
Well, that's horrible and wrong.
251
00:13:25,595 --> 00:13:27,756
You're right. It is. We'll find him.
252
00:13:27,795 --> 00:13:30,476
Where was he headed
when you met him?
253
00:13:30,516 --> 00:13:33,555
Er, he didn't say.
254
00:13:35,795 --> 00:13:38,195
He didn't say.
SHE GASPS
255
00:13:38,236 --> 00:13:39,835
He didn't mean it!
256
00:13:40,996 --> 00:13:44,075
Oh, he's probably in...
in Dundee by now!
257
00:13:44,116 --> 00:13:45,996
Well, we'll -
we'll go to Dundee, then.
258
00:13:46,036 --> 00:13:49,116
And remind him
that you're a human being.
259
00:13:49,156 --> 00:13:50,876
Maybe he just lost your address.
260
00:13:50,915 --> 00:13:52,435
Yeah.
261
00:13:52,476 --> 00:13:53,876
Yeah.
Yeah.
262
00:13:56,116 --> 00:13:59,876
I'll give her "dealer".
And "common"!
263
00:13:59,915 --> 00:14:03,276
Ma, it's water off a duck's arse,
it really is. I can assure you.
264
00:14:03,315 --> 00:14:06,276
Look, we're happy and healthy and we
got enough cash to enjoy ourselves.
265
00:14:06,315 --> 00:14:09,075
And if we can persuade Mariette
to stay, we can give her this.
266
00:14:09,116 --> 00:14:11,876
Joined up, like.
Oh, nice idea.
267
00:14:11,915 --> 00:14:13,756
Right.
Don't change the subject!
268
00:14:13,795 --> 00:14:16,795
You deserve more respect. We all do.
269
00:14:18,675 --> 00:14:20,835
I'll get us a Rolls-Royce, then,
shall I?
270
00:14:20,876 --> 00:14:22,356
SHE LAUGHS
271
00:14:22,396 --> 00:14:24,315
Oh, yeah, get us a Roller (!)
272
00:14:25,835 --> 00:14:27,396
I know where to get one,
as it happens.
273
00:14:27,435 --> 00:14:29,315
No, you don't.
Yes, I do.
274
00:14:29,356 --> 00:14:33,236
No, you don't.
Yes, I do. You don't.
275
00:14:33,276 --> 00:14:36,156
Ma, I do.
276
00:14:36,195 --> 00:14:38,075
May I ask why you need to know?
277
00:14:38,116 --> 00:14:40,876
We want to contact a member of the
fairground staff. Private matter.
278
00:14:40,915 --> 00:14:43,636
Have they committed a crime?
Would that make you help us more?
279
00:14:43,675 --> 00:14:44,756
I suppose it would.
280
00:14:44,795 --> 00:14:48,195
Then, yes.
He stole my sister's heart.
281
00:14:48,236 --> 00:14:49,435
Well, I'd have to check,
282
00:14:49,476 --> 00:14:51,795
but I don't think that's an offence
in this country.
283
00:14:51,835 --> 00:14:53,795
We know. We just wanna talk to him.
284
00:14:53,835 --> 00:14:55,435
Because he's really special,
285
00:14:55,476 --> 00:14:57,636
with a gorgeous smile
and an earring.
286
00:14:57,675 --> 00:14:59,675
Well, I'd advise you
to approach with caution
287
00:14:59,715 --> 00:15:01,075
any man sporting an earring.
288
00:15:03,835 --> 00:15:06,636
Thanks. So, do you know
where the funfair's moved on to?
289
00:15:06,675 --> 00:15:09,476
Yes, I believe that's in Bedowick
just down the road.
290
00:15:10,835 --> 00:15:13,795
Can you give us a lift
in your police car?
291
00:15:13,835 --> 00:15:15,396
Ah, no, sorry.
292
00:15:15,435 --> 00:15:18,195
Sergeant Plummer only lets me use
the police car on Thursdays.
293
00:15:20,276 --> 00:15:22,636
CHILDREN LAUGH
294
00:15:23,795 --> 00:15:29,075
No! You're supposed to be dancing,
not lashing each other to a post!
295
00:15:29,116 --> 00:15:31,795
Montgomery, Victoria.
Come on, we're going shopping.
296
00:15:31,835 --> 00:15:34,276
What for?
A Rolls-Royce, come on!
297
00:15:36,996 --> 00:15:41,835
Ah, Johnny. And you two.
Come see her.
298
00:15:52,835 --> 00:15:54,435
And now!
299
00:15:56,915 --> 00:15:59,476
Will you two
take the covers off, my dear?
300
00:15:59,516 --> 00:16:01,435
I don't want to get dust
in my voice box.
301
00:16:01,476 --> 00:16:02,555
How is the actor's life?
302
00:16:02,595 --> 00:16:05,435
Oh, punishing, Pop.
It's all about finding the truth.
303
00:16:05,476 --> 00:16:08,356
Yeah, I bet it is, plus there's all
that pretending to be other people.
304
00:16:09,396 --> 00:16:10,476
Lights...
305
00:16:11,835 --> 00:16:13,955
..and curtain up!
306
00:16:19,555 --> 00:16:22,156
Bewitching, no? A sleeping giant.
307
00:16:23,396 --> 00:16:25,396
So, what do you reckon, darling?
Well, as I say...
308
00:16:25,435 --> 00:16:27,195
Sorry, not you. Victoria.
309
00:16:27,236 --> 00:16:29,396
She's a genius
with the old mechanics.
310
00:16:31,955 --> 00:16:34,116
Death trap.
Oh. Oh.
311
00:16:34,156 --> 00:16:38,516
Huh. You see, Johnny,
you are at the top of your tree.
312
00:16:38,555 --> 00:16:40,396
Baubles. It's about the work.
313
00:16:40,435 --> 00:16:43,036
Yeah, but, so you don't want
a shoddy old car like this,
314
00:16:43,075 --> 00:16:45,315
lowering your artistic status.
315
00:16:45,356 --> 00:16:47,595
No, it's mainly dust.
316
00:16:47,636 --> 00:16:50,876
"Why, what is pomp, rule, reign,
but earth and dust?"
317
00:16:50,915 --> 00:16:53,476
Yeah, dust.
Yeah, that is a big worry.
318
00:16:53,516 --> 00:16:55,435
I can magic up a duster.
No, no, no, no.
319
00:16:55,476 --> 00:16:59,036
See, this is Kent automotive dust.
It's sticky.
320
00:16:59,075 --> 00:17:00,516
Sticky dust?
321
00:17:00,555 --> 00:17:02,955
Oh, yes, sticky is
the worst of the dusts. Yeah.
322
00:17:02,996 --> 00:17:05,195
You see, it goes, uh, sticky...
323
00:17:05,236 --> 00:17:06,516
Semi-sticky.
Semi-sticky.
324
00:17:06,555 --> 00:17:07,555
Standard.
Standard.
325
00:17:07,595 --> 00:17:09,075
Flyaway.
Flyaway.
326
00:17:09,116 --> 00:17:11,236
Yeah. Sorry, old darling.
327
00:17:11,276 --> 00:17:16,075
You failed your audition.
Oh, no, no, no. She can do it.
328
00:17:16,115 --> 00:17:17,196
Give her a chance.
329
00:17:21,236 --> 00:17:22,716
HE EXHALES
330
00:17:24,436 --> 00:17:26,595
30 guineas.
What? No, Dad.
331
00:17:26,635 --> 00:17:29,916
I know, I know. What am I doing?
332
00:17:31,476 --> 00:17:33,716
MA HUMS TO MUSIC
333
00:17:45,835 --> 00:17:47,676
CAR HORN BLASTS
334
00:17:56,315 --> 00:17:59,555
Dame Larkin, your Roller!
335
00:17:59,595 --> 00:18:01,476
AFFECTED VOICE: How delightful.
336
00:18:01,516 --> 00:18:03,355
Ha-ha! Spruce her up, team.
337
00:18:03,395 --> 00:18:04,916
Hey, what about that?
338
00:18:04,956 --> 00:18:05,956
SHE CHUCKLES
339
00:18:08,236 --> 00:18:10,436
KISSING
340
00:18:10,476 --> 00:18:12,635
AFFECTED VOICE: Where are you of to,
my darling?
341
00:18:13,676 --> 00:18:17,676
To see one of my ladies.
Too cruel.
342
00:18:17,716 --> 00:18:19,835
HE LAUGHS
343
00:18:19,875 --> 00:18:22,875
Well done, son.
Montgomery.
344
00:18:24,115 --> 00:18:27,315
I have got an artistic job
for you later.
345
00:18:33,115 --> 00:18:35,956
I think I might have given you
the impression I want to sell it,
346
00:18:35,996 --> 00:18:37,315
but I don't.
347
00:18:37,355 --> 00:18:39,835
You don't wanna live here.
Middle of nowhere.
348
00:18:39,875 --> 00:18:41,155
Bunch of rabbits for company.
349
00:18:41,196 --> 00:18:43,036
Yes, but as I say, I rather love it.
350
00:18:43,075 --> 00:18:44,436
You did say you need the money.
351
00:18:44,476 --> 00:18:46,595
It would be helpful, but I don't...
352
00:18:46,635 --> 00:18:48,756
Afternoon. May I be of assistance?
353
00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:49,956
No.
354
00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:52,476
This is Mr Larkin,
a good friend of mine.
355
00:18:52,516 --> 00:18:54,795
Mr Rance.
Ah.
356
00:18:54,835 --> 00:18:56,996
This lady and I have been
coming to an understanding
357
00:18:57,036 --> 00:18:58,115
about the sale of her home.
358
00:18:58,155 --> 00:19:00,476
Yes, well, it is
a very special house, yeah.
359
00:19:00,516 --> 00:19:01,996
Very damp, though.
360
00:19:02,036 --> 00:19:03,795
I mean, you could swim indoors
some winters.
361
00:19:03,835 --> 00:19:05,315
That's true.
Exactly.
362
00:19:05,355 --> 00:19:08,036
You'd be well rid of it.
I'll rip the guts out, anyway.
363
00:19:08,075 --> 00:19:11,595
Cladding. Tarmac. Tudor-look garage.
364
00:19:11,635 --> 00:19:14,276
Very nice, yeah. Very nice.
How much you offering?
365
00:19:14,315 --> 00:19:17,115
2,500.
HE INHALES
366
00:19:17,155 --> 00:19:19,315
Oh, that, Edith,
that is a very good price.
367
00:19:19,355 --> 00:19:21,115
Yeah, you won't get that
from anyone else.
368
00:19:23,635 --> 00:19:26,716
Oh.
Excellent. So, I have a contract.
369
00:19:28,555 --> 00:19:30,716
Now, I'll give you
20% of the purchase price
370
00:19:30,756 --> 00:19:31,916
if you sign it now.
371
00:19:34,516 --> 00:19:36,196
I'd rather think about it some more.
372
00:19:36,236 --> 00:19:38,916
No, go on, go on. Edith, sign it.
373
00:19:38,956 --> 00:19:40,676
Nice few readies,
you can rent somewhere.
374
00:19:59,075 --> 00:20:03,595
Tremendous. I'll bring the missus
down Monday, for a little shufty.
375
00:20:03,635 --> 00:20:05,276
Not gonna check
if she likes it first?
376
00:20:05,315 --> 00:20:08,036
No. She does what I say.
377
00:20:09,155 --> 00:20:10,155
Nice.
378
00:20:19,716 --> 00:20:21,075
FAIRGROUND MUSIC
379
00:20:21,115 --> 00:20:22,115
BELL RINGS
380
00:20:24,395 --> 00:20:26,716
Wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
381
00:20:30,115 --> 00:20:32,476
No! He should take you as you are.
382
00:20:32,516 --> 00:20:34,115
I can't risk that.
383
00:20:43,676 --> 00:20:46,795
We posh now?
We will be in a minute.
384
00:20:56,595 --> 00:20:57,956
Is that him?
What? No!
385
00:20:57,996 --> 00:21:01,115
Good, cos I'd say shaking him off
would be a proper blessing.
386
00:21:01,155 --> 00:21:03,436
Eddie's beautiful.
387
00:21:14,315 --> 00:21:17,996
Hello.
How do?
388
00:21:18,036 --> 00:21:21,355
Remember me?
Yeah.
389
00:21:21,395 --> 00:21:24,036
Go away, please.
Eddie and I are an item.
390
00:21:24,075 --> 00:21:27,996
No, we're not.
Right, you go win a goldfish.
391
00:21:28,036 --> 00:21:31,075
You, we need a word in private.
392
00:21:31,115 --> 00:21:33,236
We kissed and you told me
393
00:21:33,276 --> 00:21:35,716
when I open my eyes,
it's like the sun coming out.
394
00:21:35,756 --> 00:21:37,516
Sounds like one of mine.
395
00:21:37,555 --> 00:21:40,236
We talked about the joys
of togetherness in all its forms.
396
00:21:40,276 --> 00:21:42,436
Nah, that must've been
you wittering on.
397
00:21:42,476 --> 00:21:44,595
Ugh!
398
00:21:45,676 --> 00:21:48,916
Eddie, I think we're incompatible.
399
00:21:48,956 --> 00:21:51,355
In where?
400
00:21:58,236 --> 00:22:01,555
Oh, well. We all make mistakes.
401
00:22:01,595 --> 00:22:03,516
GHOST TRAIN SPOOKY LAUGHTER
402
00:22:07,555 --> 00:22:11,155
Ah, is it
that time of the month again?
403
00:22:11,196 --> 00:22:13,196
Yes, it bloody is.
404
00:22:14,795 --> 00:22:16,196
Two bob. Pay up.
405
00:22:16,236 --> 00:22:18,236
What's in the parish magazine
this month?
406
00:22:18,276 --> 00:22:20,835
Usual crap. Got any gossip?
407
00:22:20,875 --> 00:22:25,875
Me? Never. I got coins in the motor.
408
00:22:27,676 --> 00:22:33,115
New chap's moved into the village.
Tom Fisher. Something in money.
409
00:22:33,155 --> 00:22:34,315
I heard.
410
00:22:34,355 --> 00:22:36,716
Word is he had a good look
at your Mariette.
411
00:22:37,875 --> 00:22:40,676
Bugger me, a Rolls-Royce.
Oh, this?
412
00:22:40,716 --> 00:22:43,355
Oh, we've been meaning to get one
for ages.
413
00:22:43,395 --> 00:22:46,395
Whose coat of arms is that?
Ours.
414
00:22:46,436 --> 00:22:49,996
The car comes with an earldom,
so technically, we're nobility now.
415
00:22:51,635 --> 00:22:54,795
How the hell does that work!?
I don't know.
416
00:22:54,835 --> 00:22:58,036
But you know us, we're not
interested in any of that baloney.
417
00:22:58,075 --> 00:23:02,036
Oh, Pop's left his book in the car!
418
00:23:02,075 --> 00:23:03,956
He can't read enough.
419
00:23:03,996 --> 00:23:07,075
It's Bronte this,
John Stuart Mill that.
420
00:23:07,115 --> 00:23:09,395
Two bob.
421
00:23:09,436 --> 00:23:13,635
You all right?
Yes. Thanks.
422
00:23:18,676 --> 00:23:20,395
CAR HORN BLASTS
423
00:23:21,716 --> 00:23:23,956
God be with you, Rev!
424
00:23:30,315 --> 00:23:32,996
It's a black and white TV,
so why do we all look mauve?
425
00:23:35,075 --> 00:23:37,996
Mm.
TV: 'Tonight, Prostitution.
426
00:23:38,036 --> 00:23:39,196
'What should we think?
427
00:23:39,236 --> 00:23:41,196
'What is to be done
about these women?
428
00:23:41,236 --> 00:23:44,355
'Is it their fault?
Or the fault of the men?
429
00:23:44,395 --> 00:23:47,756
'If not, whose fault is it?'
430
00:23:47,795 --> 00:23:49,236
Strawberries are early this year.
431
00:23:49,276 --> 00:23:52,155
Yeah, this weather'll soon put the
paint on 'em. Any more custard, Ma?
432
00:23:52,196 --> 00:23:55,795
TV: 'I blame the men,
and their appetites.'
433
00:23:55,835 --> 00:23:59,436
PRIMROSE CRIES
Oh, Primrose!
434
00:23:59,476 --> 00:24:04,276
Oh, darling, sweetheart.
Oh, it's only a boy.
435
00:24:04,315 --> 00:24:05,595
I thought you were over him?
436
00:24:05,635 --> 00:24:09,835
How can I be, he was so mean,
and I love him.
437
00:24:09,875 --> 00:24:13,595
I'll never love anyone again.
I feel so stupid.
438
00:24:13,635 --> 00:24:16,155
TV: 'Now an interview
with a practising lady,
439
00:24:16,196 --> 00:24:17,635
'whose face we have obscured.'
440
00:24:17,676 --> 00:24:20,036
Blimey.
It's gettin' a bit racy, isn't it?
441
00:24:20,075 --> 00:24:22,276
Let's watch the other side,
cheer you up a bit.
442
00:24:22,315 --> 00:24:24,676
TV: 'With its savoir faire
and je ne sais quoi,
443
00:24:24,716 --> 00:24:27,795
'where better than France to...'
What, France?
444
00:24:27,835 --> 00:24:32,236
Ugh! Ah, blimey!
Oh!
445
00:24:32,276 --> 00:24:33,756
LAUGHTER
446
00:24:33,795 --> 00:24:35,315
Watch it, you lot.
447
00:24:38,276 --> 00:24:40,276
They're shifty,
those fairground folk.
448
00:24:40,315 --> 00:24:43,315
Yeah, you're better than them,
Primrose.
449
00:24:43,355 --> 00:24:47,676
No, no, no, no, no, she's not.
No-one is better than anyone.
450
00:24:47,716 --> 00:24:50,236
I think
it's time we had a bit of a chat
451
00:24:50,276 --> 00:24:51,676
about respect and snobbery.
452
00:24:52,956 --> 00:24:55,476
I lost the custardy battle.
THEY CHUCKLE
453
00:24:56,756 --> 00:24:59,996
Oh, Dad. It's hard to leave home.
So don't do it, then.
454
00:25:00,036 --> 00:25:03,315
It's too late,
I've already bought my suitcase.
455
00:25:04,395 --> 00:25:06,155
Come on.
Give us a hand with this.
456
00:25:06,196 --> 00:25:09,276
So, how d'you tell a boy
that you're not interested in him?
457
00:25:09,315 --> 00:25:12,555
Kindly, but firmly.
Firmly. Good.
458
00:25:12,595 --> 00:25:15,155
Montgomery, eh, eh, eh!
SHE SNAPS HER FINGERS
459
00:25:15,196 --> 00:25:17,555
If you really like a girl,
how should you approach her?
460
00:25:17,595 --> 00:25:19,595
Without scaring or embarrassing her.
461
00:25:19,635 --> 00:25:23,315
SHE SCOFFS
He'll never manage that.
462
00:25:23,355 --> 00:25:26,835
Oh, he will, cos he's a nice boy.
You're a nice boy.
463
00:25:26,875 --> 00:25:28,676
And how should we judge people,
Victoria?
464
00:25:28,716 --> 00:25:31,276
How they are,
not how rich or la-di-da.
465
00:25:31,315 --> 00:25:34,835
Good.
So why have we bought a Rolls-Royce?
466
00:25:34,875 --> 00:25:38,155
To show that we aren't taking
any of that seriously.
467
00:25:38,196 --> 00:25:39,795
Doesn't it show the opposite?
468
00:25:40,916 --> 00:25:42,075
SHE SIGHS
469
00:25:45,516 --> 00:25:48,476
And the Rolls-Royce comes with
some sort of flaming earldom.
470
00:25:48,516 --> 00:25:50,236
Nah, it's more complicated
than that.
471
00:25:50,276 --> 00:25:51,476
You calling me a liar?
472
00:25:51,516 --> 00:25:54,115
You're quite bolshie for a parson,
aren't ya?
473
00:25:54,155 --> 00:25:58,676
And Larkin can read.
He's got clever books on the go.
474
00:25:58,716 --> 00:26:02,155
Course he has. Stout fellow.
Would've made a lovely Gurkha.
475
00:26:08,716 --> 00:26:11,155
Good day.
Morning!
476
00:26:11,196 --> 00:26:12,476
How do.
All right?
477
00:26:12,516 --> 00:26:15,075
Morning.
478
00:26:15,115 --> 00:26:17,036
Glad to see new blood
in the village.
479
00:26:17,075 --> 00:26:18,996
I should say.
480
00:26:19,036 --> 00:26:21,635
But why would he move here?
481
00:26:23,476 --> 00:26:25,155
Morning. What's the chatter?
482
00:26:25,196 --> 00:26:27,635
Pop Larkin's bought a Rolls-Royce.
483
00:26:27,676 --> 00:26:31,916
Oh! A cynical attempt to raise
their social status.
484
00:26:31,956 --> 00:26:33,875
And she accuses me of snobbery.
485
00:26:33,916 --> 00:26:36,115
Well, you can put a pig in a palace,
it's still a pig.
486
00:26:36,155 --> 00:26:37,355
SHE CHUCKLES
487
00:26:40,395 --> 00:26:43,716
I'd rather see Larkin explaining
his Rolls-Royce to the taxman.
488
00:26:43,756 --> 00:26:45,315
SHE LAUGHS
489
00:26:46,676 --> 00:26:48,635
Monsters.
490
00:26:51,516 --> 00:26:52,916
Afternoon, Miss Chand.
491
00:26:52,956 --> 00:26:55,355
Hello, dear. Posture!
492
00:26:57,516 --> 00:27:00,036
Waging war on your garden,
Brigadier?
493
00:27:00,075 --> 00:27:02,996
Ah, yes, don't skimp on the gubbins.
Um...
494
00:27:04,075 --> 00:27:08,436
Can I talk to you
and your sister about... the world?
495
00:27:08,476 --> 00:27:09,916
Stay home.
496
00:27:09,956 --> 00:27:12,115
Biggest mistake of my life,
moving here.
497
00:27:12,155 --> 00:27:14,555
Are we definitely related?
498
00:27:14,595 --> 00:27:18,075
You don't want at 60 years old
to have those what-might-have-beens.
499
00:27:18,115 --> 00:27:20,835
But what if instead she gets
the what-the-hell-was-I-doings?
500
00:27:20,875 --> 00:27:23,036
They're rarer than
the what-might-have-beens,
501
00:27:23,075 --> 00:27:25,956
to even there-must-be-more-to-life-
than-this-please-Gods.
502
00:27:25,996 --> 00:27:29,115
Mum and Dad are contented
and they've barely been to London.
503
00:27:29,155 --> 00:27:30,395
But the world is changing.
504
00:27:30,436 --> 00:27:34,276
And she opens her arms to the brave,
the resourceful and the beautiful.
505
00:27:35,395 --> 00:27:38,476
Where are you thinking of going?
France.
506
00:27:38,516 --> 00:27:41,355
Are you insane?!
Oh, heavens, don't go there!
507
00:27:42,996 --> 00:27:44,555
SHE CHUCKLES
508
00:27:44,595 --> 00:27:46,996
Cheers, Kent. Hey, lads!
509
00:27:47,036 --> 00:27:49,835
Good afternoon. Postie.
You all right? Fine, thank you.
510
00:27:49,875 --> 00:27:52,155
Congratulations, Mr, Larkin!
511
00:27:52,196 --> 00:27:53,756
Oh, thanks, Libby. What for?
512
00:27:53,795 --> 00:27:56,036
I hear the Larkins
are landed gentry now.
513
00:27:56,075 --> 00:27:57,875
Well, we got land, but...
514
00:27:57,916 --> 00:28:00,395
And that you are actually
a bit of an intellectual.
515
00:28:00,436 --> 00:28:02,916
Well, that don't sound like me.
Who says that?
516
00:28:02,956 --> 00:28:05,555
Um. Oh, I don't know, word-of-mouth.
517
00:28:07,355 --> 00:28:09,676
The vicar.
Huh.
518
00:28:22,635 --> 00:28:25,276
Mariette.
Pauline.
519
00:28:25,315 --> 00:28:27,835
Looking forward to the strawberry
picking? Get some sun on us.
520
00:28:27,875 --> 00:28:29,276
Get the lads panting.
521
00:28:29,315 --> 00:28:32,395
I hear your Pop's helping out
Miss Pilchester.
522
00:28:32,436 --> 00:28:33,676
What's that supposed to mean?
523
00:28:33,716 --> 00:28:35,875
Does it sound like
it means anything?
524
00:28:35,916 --> 00:28:38,395
No, but it won't stop you, Pauline.
525
00:28:38,436 --> 00:28:40,795
And I hear you're scooting off
at the end of the month.
526
00:28:40,835 --> 00:28:43,476
Where'd you get that from?
You bought yourself a suitcase.
527
00:28:43,516 --> 00:28:44,716
Maybe that's why I'm leaving.
528
00:28:44,756 --> 00:28:46,996
Can't buy a suitcase without
everyone talking about it.
529
00:28:47,036 --> 00:28:50,716
So you're giving me a clear run
at the new mystery fella, Tom.
530
00:28:50,756 --> 00:28:54,595
What? Yes, I am.
I'm off boys, anyway.
531
00:28:54,635 --> 00:28:56,756
Too much like hard work.
532
00:28:56,795 --> 00:28:59,756
You know,
I'd think twice about quitting here.
533
00:28:59,795 --> 00:29:03,115
My sister made it as far as Dover,
got up the duff,
534
00:29:03,155 --> 00:29:06,196
had to wed an alky tosspot,
now she looks 50.
535
00:29:06,236 --> 00:29:09,756
Thanks. Face like a gargoyle,
too proud to come home.
536
00:29:09,795 --> 00:29:12,355
You're just making me want to leave
all the more.
537
00:29:12,395 --> 00:29:13,956
SHE CLICKS HER TONGUE
538
00:29:24,795 --> 00:29:28,516
Oh, wait, let me nip to our library
for a couple o'Prousts,
539
00:29:28,555 --> 00:29:30,395
and a gawp at our coat of arms (!)
540
00:29:30,436 --> 00:29:32,196
All right, I'm sorry.
541
00:29:32,236 --> 00:29:39,115
Well, don't be. Remember,
Nanny always says never apologise.
542
00:29:39,155 --> 00:29:40,555
THEY LAUGH
543
00:29:44,395 --> 00:29:48,635
I know, I just hate it when people
are rude about the man I love.
544
00:29:48,676 --> 00:29:50,595
Yeah.
545
00:29:50,635 --> 00:29:53,555
Well, you can't please everyone
all the time, can ya? Mm.
546
00:29:54,716 --> 00:30:00,595
Except, you do please me
all the time. Aw.
547
00:30:03,315 --> 00:30:07,716
Oh, then there's Mariette off,
and Primrose all torn up.
548
00:30:07,756 --> 00:30:10,276
And Alec Norman hitting our boy.
549
00:30:10,315 --> 00:30:11,395
I know, I know.
550
00:30:11,436 --> 00:30:14,956
But don't worry, Ma,
me and Montgomery haven't forgotten.
551
00:30:18,436 --> 00:30:21,996
The folk we like like us and vicey
versey, and that's what matters.
552
00:30:22,036 --> 00:30:23,875
Mm-hm, mm.
Right?
553
00:30:25,115 --> 00:30:27,236
Like Edith Pilchester.
554
00:30:27,276 --> 00:30:29,676
I'm helping her out
at her house tomorrow.
555
00:30:29,716 --> 00:30:32,795
She's in love with you, you know?
And who can blame her?
556
00:30:34,115 --> 00:30:35,676
You've got your admirers.
557
00:30:36,956 --> 00:30:39,595
If I fell in the chipper, they'd be
queuing up round the block.
558
00:30:45,315 --> 00:30:47,635
You know what, Ma?
Hm?
559
00:30:49,635 --> 00:30:51,996
It's love what gets us out of bed
in the morning.
560
00:30:52,036 --> 00:30:56,956
Hm. Tell Primrose that,
but, yeah, true.
561
00:30:58,996 --> 00:31:01,236
That's why
I can't bear to see Mariette go.
562
00:31:01,276 --> 00:31:06,236
I know, but it's wrong to trap
a butterfly if it wants to fly away.
563
00:31:08,395 --> 00:31:10,956
Maybe not.
Got a good feeling about tomorrow.
564
00:31:10,996 --> 00:31:14,395
May Day. Start of a glorious summer.
565
00:31:20,716 --> 00:31:23,795
CHOPPING, BIRDS SINGING,
WIND BLOWS THROUGH FOLIAGE
566
00:31:34,036 --> 00:31:36,155
MUSIC PLAYS
567
00:31:36,196 --> 00:31:38,355
Not bad!
Ah!
568
00:31:45,155 --> 00:31:48,236
Was this here last time?
No!
569
00:31:48,276 --> 00:31:49,795
I was only here the other day!
570
00:31:49,835 --> 00:31:51,355
What the?
571
00:31:54,355 --> 00:31:57,996
Wait! Wait.
Come on.
572
00:31:59,555 --> 00:32:02,756
I saw two badgers playing here
in the moonlight last night.
573
00:32:02,795 --> 00:32:05,676
Oh, you gotta love a badger.
Body of a beaver, head of a zebra.
574
00:32:05,716 --> 00:32:09,395
Mm! And the shy decency
of a good butler, I always think.
575
00:32:09,436 --> 00:32:10,716
Ah.
576
00:32:13,155 --> 00:32:15,476
Time to face the music.
577
00:32:15,516 --> 00:32:18,395
Here! What's going on? I can't get
my Triumph up to the house.
578
00:32:18,436 --> 00:32:20,595
Yeah, cos there's a tree
in the way now.
579
00:32:20,635 --> 00:32:22,236
I need access
if I'm buying the house.
580
00:32:22,276 --> 00:32:24,436
True, yeah.
Very true.
581
00:32:24,476 --> 00:32:25,795
Would you like some coffee, dear?
582
00:32:25,835 --> 00:32:27,996
Oh, thanks,
if you're having one as well.
583
00:32:28,036 --> 00:32:29,355
No, she don't want no coffee.
584
00:32:29,395 --> 00:32:30,956
Not till I get some sense
out of you.
585
00:32:30,996 --> 00:32:33,795
Let's have a stroll
around the property, shall we? Come.
586
00:32:35,795 --> 00:32:37,795
Now, I don't know
what you're trying to pull,
587
00:32:37,835 --> 00:32:40,756
but your girlfriend
signed a contract of sale. Ah.
588
00:32:40,795 --> 00:32:43,276
Cracking bluebells, look.
That's my land, that. Yeah.
589
00:32:43,315 --> 00:32:44,996
You fascinate me (!)
590
00:32:45,036 --> 00:32:47,875
And that's Victoria,
this is my land this side, too.
591
00:32:47,916 --> 00:32:52,635
And, oh, I forgot...
that's my land over there, too.
592
00:32:52,676 --> 00:32:54,635
LARKIN LAUGHS
593
00:32:54,676 --> 00:33:00,956
So, you see, it looks like
my land goes all the way round
594
00:33:00,996 --> 00:33:02,996
this beautiful little cottage.
595
00:33:05,155 --> 00:33:06,835
And you can't get access
without my say-so,
596
00:33:06,875 --> 00:33:07,996
which I'm not gonna give.
597
00:33:08,036 --> 00:33:12,276
So, go ahead, buy Edith's cottage,
but you can't get to it...
598
00:33:13,436 --> 00:33:14,756
..unless you go by helicopter.
599
00:33:16,555 --> 00:33:17,595
Oh, well.
600
00:33:19,155 --> 00:33:22,036
I want my deposit back, then.
No, no, you won't.
601
00:33:22,075 --> 00:33:24,835
You see, because it's you
that's cancelling the sale.
602
00:33:24,875 --> 00:33:27,075
What?!
But, I'll tell you what.
603
00:33:27,115 --> 00:33:30,516
Just to show that us country types
aren't as greedy as you,
604
00:33:30,555 --> 00:33:33,716
we will give you back half your cash
605
00:33:33,756 --> 00:33:36,835
if you leave now
and never come back.
606
00:33:36,875 --> 00:33:39,276
What about that?
607
00:33:43,635 --> 00:33:45,756
Now, darlin', you have it.
608
00:33:47,555 --> 00:33:48,676
Edith.
609
00:34:07,276 --> 00:34:08,676
Morning, Eddie.
610
00:34:14,835 --> 00:34:17,916
I need you to do something for me.
Oh, yeah, what?
611
00:34:17,956 --> 00:34:21,195
Write to my sister Primrose
saying sorry, and she's adorable,
612
00:34:21,235 --> 00:34:24,755
but you work away,
so your love cannot be.
613
00:34:24,796 --> 00:34:26,036
Get out of here.
614
00:34:26,075 --> 00:34:27,516
Look, you're the person you are,
615
00:34:27,555 --> 00:34:29,956
but she's only 16
and she's romantic.
616
00:34:29,996 --> 00:34:31,396
I'd like you to let her down gently.
617
00:34:31,436 --> 00:34:34,555
Oh, I get it. You fancy me.
618
00:34:34,595 --> 00:34:37,635
Tell you what,
let's go round the back.
619
00:34:40,635 --> 00:34:42,755
Yeah. All right.
620
00:35:01,715 --> 00:35:03,876
Let's get writing.
621
00:35:06,195 --> 00:35:08,476
I can't thank you enough.
Oh.
622
00:35:08,516 --> 00:35:10,675
I might go mad
and buy some fripperies.
623
00:35:10,715 --> 00:35:13,715
I should cocoa. Time to celebrate
the month of May!
624
00:35:13,755 --> 00:35:15,356
MORRIS MUSIC
625
00:35:26,476 --> 00:35:30,396
OK, keep moving, keep moving,
keep moving. Under and over, yes.
626
00:35:30,436 --> 00:35:33,115
Good, smoothly. OK.
627
00:35:33,155 --> 00:35:35,075
Oh, my goodness.
628
00:35:35,115 --> 00:35:38,235
Stop! Stop!
Before there's a strangling.
629
00:35:56,436 --> 00:35:59,275
MORRIS DANCERS: Hey!
APPLAUSE
630
00:36:03,715 --> 00:36:07,195
Testing. I'm Alec Norman. Testing.
631
00:36:07,235 --> 00:36:10,555
I'm Alec Norman. Alec. Alec Norman.
632
00:36:12,275 --> 00:36:14,635
Tickets for the tombola!
Lots of fun.
633
00:36:14,675 --> 00:36:16,155
Super knick-knacks.
634
00:36:16,195 --> 00:36:19,396
Raise money for sad horses.
And hounds.
635
00:36:19,436 --> 00:36:22,275
And the fire brigade, and so on.
636
00:36:22,316 --> 00:36:23,836
FEEDBACK
637
00:36:24,876 --> 00:36:27,476
Good afternoon. I'm Johnny Delaware.
638
00:36:27,516 --> 00:36:30,316
CLAPPING
You're too kind.
639
00:36:30,356 --> 00:36:34,675
And as your local VIP... Madness.
I'm deeply honoured
640
00:36:34,715 --> 00:36:39,836
to be asked to host
the 1958 May Day festivities!
641
00:36:39,876 --> 00:36:41,476
CLAPPING
642
00:36:41,516 --> 00:36:43,476
And to quote the Bard of Avon,
643
00:36:43,516 --> 00:36:46,436
"Shall I compare thee
to a summer's day?
644
00:36:46,476 --> 00:36:49,595
"Thou art..."
DOG BARKS
645
00:36:49,635 --> 00:36:53,516
"Thou art more lovely
and more temperate."
646
00:36:53,555 --> 00:36:54,876
DOG BARKS
647
00:36:54,916 --> 00:36:57,996
"Rough winds do shake..."
HE WHISPERS: Shut up!
648
00:36:58,036 --> 00:37:01,755
"..do shake
the darling buds of May,
649
00:37:01,796 --> 00:37:05,436
"and summer's lease
hath all too short a date."
650
00:37:05,476 --> 00:37:07,275
APPLAUSE
651
00:37:07,316 --> 00:37:09,715
Help yourself, gentlemen.
Pace yourselves, though.
652
00:37:09,755 --> 00:37:12,036
Don't want any chundering
in front of the kiddies.
653
00:37:12,075 --> 00:37:15,796
Present for you, Ma.
Thanks, Da. You're welcome.
654
00:37:15,836 --> 00:37:17,476
MORRIS MUSIC
655
00:37:22,516 --> 00:37:24,916
The next shift
have started on the maypole,
656
00:37:24,956 --> 00:37:27,115
showing the schoolchildren
how to do it properly.
657
00:37:27,155 --> 00:37:29,916
LAUGHTER
Ah, Pop Larkin.
658
00:37:29,956 --> 00:37:32,555
You must be Tom.
Oh, how can you tell?
659
00:37:32,595 --> 00:37:35,595
Handsome, intelligent-looking.
Thank you.
660
00:37:35,635 --> 00:37:37,996
No, it's all about me.
You just look like a Tom.
661
00:37:38,036 --> 00:37:39,675
LAUGHTER
I'm only joking.
662
00:37:40,876 --> 00:37:45,635
Oi, Pop, I think your status as most
dishy villager is under threat.
663
00:37:45,675 --> 00:37:47,436
Oh, thank you.
664
00:37:47,476 --> 00:37:51,275
Yeah, Brigadier over there's
looking lovely in that jacket.
665
00:37:51,316 --> 00:37:54,595
I can see I'm gonna have to watch
myself around you Larkins.
666
00:37:54,635 --> 00:37:55,715
LAUGHTER
667
00:37:55,755 --> 00:37:58,235
OVER MICROPHONE: 'And now
the fundraising extravaganza.
668
00:37:58,275 --> 00:38:00,755
'The charity auction
of donated items.'
669
00:38:00,796 --> 00:38:05,755
And so, what am I bid
for this... spinning wheel?
670
00:38:05,796 --> 00:38:09,075
It's a good cause.
You can make your own robes.
671
00:38:09,115 --> 00:38:11,275
Fiver!
672
00:38:11,316 --> 00:38:14,356
�5 to Mr Larkin. Sold!
673
00:38:14,396 --> 00:38:18,275
'Right, we're underway.
And the next one.
674
00:38:18,316 --> 00:38:21,595
'A bag of golf clubs.
Sold to Mr Larkin!
675
00:38:21,635 --> 00:38:24,075
'Once again, most generous.'
676
00:38:24,115 --> 00:38:26,836
Hello.
Oh, hello.
677
00:38:26,876 --> 00:38:28,396
I recommend the pot plant stall.
678
00:38:28,436 --> 00:38:30,876
They straightened me right out
about hollyhocks.
679
00:38:30,916 --> 00:38:33,436
Oh, glad you're being looked after.
680
00:38:38,715 --> 00:38:40,635
Is that too familiar of me?
681
00:38:40,675 --> 00:38:42,836
Yes. Shame on you.
682
00:38:46,516 --> 00:38:49,675
APPLAUSE
'Sold! Once again, most generous.'
683
00:38:49,715 --> 00:38:51,675
HE SCOFFS
Popularity's cheap.
684
00:38:51,715 --> 00:38:55,996
Oh, we're just trying to spread it
about a bit. Why don't you join in?
685
00:38:56,036 --> 00:38:58,836
I'd rather keep my house
free of tat.
686
00:39:00,476 --> 00:39:03,075
Ooh. Ooh, I like that.
687
00:39:03,115 --> 00:39:05,436
Hm. Is that a Turner? Yeah.
688
00:39:05,476 --> 00:39:08,996
Local artist, of course,
from down Margate way. Yeah.
689
00:39:09,036 --> 00:39:10,796
And what am I bid for this painting?
690
00:39:10,836 --> 00:39:12,635
It's a seascape.
691
00:39:12,675 --> 00:39:15,836
I'd have added a boat,
or a lighthouse, or something,
692
00:39:15,876 --> 00:39:18,476
but that's just me.
50 quid.
693
00:39:18,516 --> 00:39:20,436
Ooh!
APPLAUSE
694
00:39:22,396 --> 00:39:25,275
�100.
Oh! Ah!
695
00:39:25,316 --> 00:39:29,555
�200.
APPLAUSE
696
00:39:29,595 --> 00:39:31,356
The drama of it.
It's against you, sir.
697
00:39:35,155 --> 00:39:37,956
250.
ALL: Ooh.
698
00:39:41,316 --> 00:39:42,555
Ah...
699
00:39:43,715 --> 00:39:49,075
�250, sold!
Gosh, that's a lot of money.
700
00:39:49,115 --> 00:39:50,635
APPLAUSE
701
00:39:50,675 --> 00:39:56,115
Fair play, Alec.
Can't compete with that. Well done.
702
00:39:56,155 --> 00:39:57,356
CHUCKLING
703
00:39:59,436 --> 00:40:01,155
I think you'll find it's a Turner.
704
00:40:05,675 --> 00:40:07,275
Hello, gorgeous.
What you been up to?
705
00:40:07,316 --> 00:40:11,275
Settling a score for Primrose.
Kindly, but firmly.
706
00:40:11,316 --> 00:40:13,155
And? Still leaving home?
707
00:40:13,195 --> 00:40:18,836
Yes. I'm sorry, Dad, but I don't
wanna end up like Miss Pilchester.
708
00:40:18,876 --> 00:40:22,755
I know everything about the farm,
the village, the people in it.
709
00:40:22,796 --> 00:40:24,396
Nothing ever happens.
710
00:40:24,436 --> 00:40:26,916
Doesn't it?
711
00:40:26,956 --> 00:40:28,796
Come on. Let's take a walk, eh?
712
00:40:28,836 --> 00:40:31,075
Come on.
713
00:40:31,115 --> 00:40:34,356
It's hot, isn't it?
Oh, is that for me? Ta.
714
00:40:35,876 --> 00:40:38,836
Right, so where are we going, Pop?
Come on, I'll show you.
715
00:40:38,876 --> 00:40:40,755
Just look at that, Mariette.
716
00:40:40,796 --> 00:40:43,876
A common-or-garden village river,
right? Looks dull, doesn't it?
717
00:40:43,916 --> 00:40:45,836
But when I was your age,
it completely dried up.
718
00:40:45,876 --> 00:40:47,996
Guess what we found there.
719
00:40:48,036 --> 00:40:51,876
A man's skeleton, a cat-fish
the size of a Shetland pony
720
00:40:51,916 --> 00:40:55,916
and 38 size-12 shoes. I tell you!
721
00:40:55,956 --> 00:40:58,916
And my Dad is on the troop train,
722
00:40:58,956 --> 00:41:03,715
and he's coming back from the
Great War after four years, right?
723
00:41:03,755 --> 00:41:08,356
And he steps off the train,
and we rush at him, the lot of us.
724
00:41:08,396 --> 00:41:10,356
The kids all hugging him,
clawing at him.
725
00:41:10,396 --> 00:41:13,996
And my Mum starts kissing him
all over... Oh, Dad.
726
00:41:14,036 --> 00:41:16,755
..and then we realise
it's the wrong bloke.
727
00:41:16,796 --> 00:41:18,956
And your gran
has to climb off him,
728
00:41:18,996 --> 00:41:21,996
and then I seem my dad and realise
he's much taller than I remember.
729
00:41:22,036 --> 00:41:23,876
Oh, crikey,
I've got so many stories,
730
00:41:23,916 --> 00:41:25,316
I don't know where to start.
731
00:41:25,356 --> 00:41:27,555
I mean, uh, oh, yeah.
732
00:41:27,595 --> 00:41:31,195
Right, so, my mate says
he's gonna marry the first woman
733
00:41:31,235 --> 00:41:33,115
who comes around this very corner,
734
00:41:33,155 --> 00:41:36,396
who's single
and aged between 20 and 40.
735
00:41:36,436 --> 00:41:38,356
He agrees, by the way,
whoever it is, right?
736
00:41:38,396 --> 00:41:40,996
So we're all waiting out here,
tense, like, cos he means it,
737
00:41:41,036 --> 00:41:43,195
and guess who comes around
the corner?
738
00:41:43,235 --> 00:41:46,796
The mobile librarian.
No. The mobile librarian.
739
00:41:46,836 --> 00:41:49,075
And they're still married today.
What? And happy?
740
00:41:49,115 --> 00:41:52,635
Yep.
We're doing all right, most days.
741
00:41:52,675 --> 00:41:54,396
You, Reg?!
742
00:41:57,075 --> 00:41:59,396
Why have I never heard
all this before, Dad?
743
00:41:59,436 --> 00:42:03,075
You know, because, Mariette...
Come on.
744
00:42:04,876 --> 00:42:07,195
..a village is alive.
745
00:42:07,235 --> 00:42:10,996
And you think that
it's said everything to you...
746
00:42:11,036 --> 00:42:12,635
but there's always more.
747
00:42:12,675 --> 00:42:16,316
More stories, secrets,
weirdness, joy.
748
00:42:16,356 --> 00:42:21,115
And I'd love you to carry on
being a part of it, with us.
749
00:42:21,155 --> 00:42:22,235
Yeah?
750
00:42:25,796 --> 00:42:27,956
Well, I guess
I need to think about that, then.
751
00:42:29,155 --> 00:42:30,755
Good girl.
752
00:42:38,155 --> 00:42:41,155
There you go.
Thank you, Mrs Larkin.
753
00:42:46,036 --> 00:42:49,316
Cheque for �250, Treasurer.
754
00:42:49,356 --> 00:42:52,195
Never let it be said
I don't do my bit.
755
00:42:53,516 --> 00:42:56,916
I heard someone paid loads
for my painting. Was the paint dry?
756
00:42:58,155 --> 00:43:01,436
Not a Turner? Who'd have thought?
757
00:43:01,476 --> 00:43:04,115
Better still,
it's a Montgomery Larkin.
758
00:43:04,155 --> 00:43:08,595
What?! I paid 250 nicker
for a kid's ruddy painting!
759
00:43:08,635 --> 00:43:10,796
Someone's asking
for a kick up the jacksie!
760
00:43:10,836 --> 00:43:12,635
A bit common!
761
00:43:12,675 --> 00:43:15,836
I, for one, will take great pleasure
in driving you Larkins
762
00:43:15,876 --> 00:43:19,876
out of this God-forsaken village!
BOOING
763
00:43:23,115 --> 00:43:24,916
FEEDBACK
764
00:43:26,755 --> 00:43:28,316
No!
765
00:43:30,595 --> 00:43:33,635
Hey, come on, turn around.
BOOING CONTINUES
766
00:43:37,356 --> 00:43:39,115
CLEARS THROAT
SHOUTS: Quiet!
767
00:43:41,075 --> 00:43:44,075
In recognition of
the generosity of Mr Larkin
768
00:43:44,115 --> 00:43:46,356
and for services to the village,
769
00:43:46,396 --> 00:43:50,115
we name him
our new Master of Hounds.
770
00:43:50,155 --> 00:43:51,956
APPLAUSE
771
00:43:51,996 --> 00:43:55,396
Well, thank you, kindly,
but I'm not interested.
772
00:43:55,436 --> 00:43:58,235
Tell you what, Ma'll do it, though.
Oh!
773
00:43:58,275 --> 00:44:00,436
APPLAUSE,
SHE CHUCKLES
774
00:44:00,476 --> 00:44:02,876
I'm not one for titles, but...
CRACKS WHIP
775
00:44:02,916 --> 00:44:05,356
ALL: Oh!
776
00:44:05,396 --> 00:44:07,235
Nah! As you were.
777
00:44:07,275 --> 00:44:10,036
Brigadier, you do it.
Me?
778
00:44:11,715 --> 00:44:13,155
APPLAUSE
779
00:44:16,755 --> 00:44:19,316
Thank you.
APPLAUSE
780
00:44:27,316 --> 00:44:31,755
I'm still leaving... but I'll stay
till the end of the summer.
781
00:44:34,916 --> 00:44:36,436
Excuse me.
782
00:44:38,675 --> 00:44:42,635
Come here, you little beauty!
MA LAUGHS
783
00:44:53,555 --> 00:44:56,235
Now, that's what I call
a good day out.
784
00:44:56,275 --> 00:44:58,715
Home always looks perfect, though,
don't it, Ma?
785
00:44:58,755 --> 00:45:01,796
Yeah. Come on, kids.
786
00:45:01,836 --> 00:45:03,396
Let's grab some food. We...
787
00:45:04,876 --> 00:45:08,075
Oh, hello.
Uh, uh, Mr Sidney Larkin? Yeah.
788
00:45:08,115 --> 00:45:10,715
Larkin by name, Larkin by nature.
789
00:45:10,755 --> 00:45:13,996
Cedric Charlton, I'm from the
Office of the Inspector of Taxes.
790
00:45:14,036 --> 00:45:16,195
Oh, yeah?
791
00:45:16,235 --> 00:45:19,476
Oh, uh, uh, sorry, um, well,
according to our records
792
00:45:19,516 --> 00:45:22,356
you have made no return of income
for the past year.
793
00:45:22,396 --> 00:45:26,316
Haven't I?
Or, uh, indeed, ever.
794
00:45:26,356 --> 00:45:30,036
Ah, well, that's probably cos
we don't have any income. Do we, Ma?
795
00:45:30,075 --> 00:45:32,796
Income? Yeah. Outcome, more like,
with our expenses.
796
00:45:32,836 --> 00:45:37,275
Mm-hm. Well, I'm afraid that
I anticipate that you may owe
797
00:45:37,316 --> 00:45:38,595
a rather large sum in tax.
798
00:45:38,635 --> 00:45:40,916
Well, you know what, Mr...?
Charlton.
799
00:45:40,956 --> 00:45:42,396
..Charlton, we can talk about that.
800
00:45:42,436 --> 00:45:44,316
Why don't you come inside
and have some tea, eh?
801
00:45:44,356 --> 00:45:45,796
We're starving. Come on, let's go.
802
00:45:45,836 --> 00:45:49,715
Come on, everyone.
No, uh, sor... Well, actually, we...
803
00:45:56,316 --> 00:45:59,115
You need to fill out this form.
Form? A yellow one.
804
00:45:59,155 --> 00:46:02,316
We've sent a few.
Oh, Ma, we had a form?
805
00:46:02,356 --> 00:46:04,516
You ever see a form?
Never seen one. Surely never.
806
00:46:04,555 --> 00:46:07,715
Nope. Never had no form. Ma says so.
807
00:46:07,755 --> 00:46:10,476
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808
00:46:10,526 --> 00:46:15,076
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