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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,441 --> 00:00:10,051 KID CAPRI: It's the Russell Simmons' Def Comedy Jam. 2 00:00:10,097 --> 00:00:12,317 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 3 00:00:14,405 --> 00:00:19,755 I am your man, the world's greatest DJ, the Kid Capri. 4 00:00:19,802 --> 00:00:21,762 With your host... 5 00:00:23,893 --> 00:00:25,423 Tonight's guests... 6 00:00:36,123 --> 00:00:41,433 Welcome to the stage my main man, Cedric the Entertainer. 7 00:00:50,615 --> 00:00:52,225 Wassup? 8 00:00:53,357 --> 00:00:54,877 Yeah! 9 00:00:54,924 --> 00:00:57,844 Realize the realness. 10 00:00:57,883 --> 00:01:01,763 Wassup, Sen Dog, Faizon? Wassup, y'all? 11 00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:03,280 Chillin'? How y'all doin'? Wassup? 12 00:01:03,324 --> 00:01:05,204 Y'all, welcome to Def Comedy Jam. 13 00:01:05,239 --> 00:01:11,109 Y'all give it up for the baddest DJ in the land, my man Kid Capri. 14 00:01:11,158 --> 00:01:15,378 Wassup, Kid? Wassup, son?Aight. 15 00:01:15,423 --> 00:01:17,083 That's my New York stuff I just learned. 16 00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:20,040 Hey, wassup, B? Wassup, ha? 17 00:01:21,037 --> 00:01:22,467 Word life, son! 18 00:01:23,996 --> 00:01:26,606 Where this bod, Kid? 19 00:01:26,651 --> 00:01:29,441 You could just say them three all over again, you know what I'm sayin'? 20 00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:31,000 Just in that order. Wassup? 21 00:01:31,047 --> 00:01:33,267 How y'all doin', man? Good lookin' people in the audience. 22 00:01:33,310 --> 00:01:35,660 Wassup, man? I'm glad to be here. I'm kickin' it out. 23 00:01:35,704 --> 00:01:38,924 Hey, Kid. Kid, you got some old school for me, man? 24 00:01:39,664 --> 00:01:42,454 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 25 00:01:42,493 --> 00:01:45,283 See that? Y'all know nothin' 'bout that, do you? 26 00:01:45,322 --> 00:01:48,592 That's back when your mama and daddy was together like that. 27 00:01:53,461 --> 00:01:57,031 All right. That's it. That's all I need.[MUSIC STOPS] 28 00:01:57,073 --> 00:01:58,513 That's all. That's all I needed. 29 00:01:58,553 --> 00:02:00,163 Back when your mama and daddy was together. 30 00:02:00,207 --> 00:02:01,987 They belonged with one another. 31 00:02:02,034 --> 00:02:03,604 You know black families ain't together no more. 32 00:02:03,645 --> 00:02:05,255 I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. 33 00:02:05,299 --> 00:02:08,909 We break up... Break up over card games, Spades. 34 00:02:10,260 --> 00:02:12,610 [EXCLAIMS] Your daddy can get caught cheatin', 35 00:02:12,654 --> 00:02:16,574 but let him renege one time. Your momma be, "Get outta here." 36 00:02:20,575 --> 00:02:22,965 That, see, that was music right there. I like that, see... 37 00:02:23,012 --> 00:02:25,062 That wasn't nothin'... I like hip hop though, 38 00:02:25,101 --> 00:02:27,501 but I like the old-school hip hop. I don't like it now. They got it too rough. 39 00:02:27,538 --> 00:02:30,978 Record labels be hard dunkin'. Everybody be on hard labels. 40 00:02:31,020 --> 00:02:34,070 You know, I Bust Your Head Records. 41 00:02:36,199 --> 00:02:39,639 Then you go out of town, you get to some of them smaller, local city 42 00:02:39,681 --> 00:02:41,511 their record be Nigga, I Run Up In Yo House 43 00:02:41,552 --> 00:02:44,342 And Take Errything You Got Productions. 44 00:02:46,688 --> 00:02:48,298 You know, 45 00:02:48,342 --> 00:02:51,002 it's a little rough. It's a little rough. 46 00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:52,910 'Cause thug is big. Thug is big. 47 00:02:52,955 --> 00:02:57,085 Thug all over errything. They got thug balladeers now. 48 00:02:57,133 --> 00:02:59,143 Now, you know balladeers used to be smooth. 49 00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:02,229 Y'all know all the swoon, all the old boys, Luther and them. Luther big... 50 00:03:02,269 --> 00:03:03,659 Little... Big Luther, not Little Luther, 51 00:03:03,705 --> 00:03:05,875 that's what I'm talkin' 'bout. Luther. 52 00:03:05,924 --> 00:03:10,064 Now they got thug balladeers like D'Angelo. He be hard, yeah. 53 00:03:10,102 --> 00:03:12,022 I like all that. And I like them... 54 00:03:12,061 --> 00:03:15,721 People got thugs in they name like Bone Thugs-n-Harmony. I like that. 55 00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:19,760 Thugs who got together to do harmony. That's a lovely thing. 56 00:03:19,808 --> 00:03:22,068 And see, they can get down 'cause they can rhyme stuff 57 00:03:22,114 --> 00:03:25,514 that don't really go together like "Charles" and "y'all." 58 00:03:26,380 --> 00:03:27,730 You know, anybody can rap. 59 00:03:27,772 --> 00:03:29,732 It's all in how you stretch your vowel. 60 00:03:29,774 --> 00:03:32,694 Hold your vowel out there and anything can go with anything. 61 00:03:32,734 --> 00:03:34,564 Hold your vowel. That's all you need to do. 62 00:03:34,605 --> 00:03:38,035 "Cat dog," see that. See how that went together? 63 00:03:38,087 --> 00:03:40,737 It's all in the vowel. That's all. You can rap. 64 00:03:40,785 --> 00:03:42,695 You can rap. You can be you. 65 00:03:44,441 --> 00:03:46,231 Oh, man. 66 00:03:47,531 --> 00:03:49,531 They out there too, man. 67 00:03:49,577 --> 00:03:54,537 Damn, Rick James got out. Rick! Nigga, you know the party back on. 68 00:03:54,582 --> 00:03:56,762 You know the party on. 69 00:03:56,801 --> 00:03:59,591 The Rick went to jail for a whole 'nother kind of crime. 70 00:03:59,630 --> 00:04:02,420 Wasn't it? That was just flat out criminal creativity 71 00:04:02,459 --> 00:04:03,939 what he got locked up for right there. 72 00:04:03,982 --> 00:04:05,852 That was just... 73 00:04:05,897 --> 00:04:08,987 You got to be getting' down on some crimes to come up with that one. 74 00:04:09,031 --> 00:04:13,081 But they say he wrote over 300 songs while he was in jail. 75 00:04:13,122 --> 00:04:14,952 Wrote over 300 songs. 76 00:04:14,993 --> 00:04:17,393 I betcha they all got somethin' to do with jail too. 77 00:04:17,431 --> 00:04:19,081 I betcha just... 78 00:04:19,128 --> 00:04:21,608 Rick... Rick goin' to be in concert, just come out, just... 79 00:04:21,652 --> 00:04:26,222 ♪ Conjugal visits, yeah 80 00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:29,046 ♪ Conjugal visits 81 00:04:29,094 --> 00:04:30,974 ♪ Can't wait till Saturday 82 00:04:31,009 --> 00:04:35,969 ♪ Conjugal visits, yeah 83 00:04:36,014 --> 00:04:42,634 ♪ No mo' three-inch glass I'm about to tax that ass Conjugal visits ♪ 84 00:04:43,935 --> 00:04:45,285 Rick! 85 00:04:47,243 --> 00:04:49,723 I like bein' out here in L.A. too 'cause you gotta be on the guest list 86 00:04:49,767 --> 00:04:51,987 to go in errything out here. 87 00:04:52,030 --> 00:04:56,120 You can't... You can't go shopping without bein' on the guest list, nigga. 88 00:04:56,165 --> 00:04:58,465 You gotta go to church. You gotta be on the guest list. 89 00:04:58,515 --> 00:05:01,605 You be, "I'm on Denzel's 11 o'clock. 90 00:05:01,649 --> 00:05:05,829 "I should be there. I should be able to come in." 91 00:05:05,870 --> 00:05:08,090 See, I like church though. See, that's our thing, church. 92 00:05:08,133 --> 00:05:11,353 You ever say you goin' to go to church and then you don't go? 93 00:05:11,398 --> 00:05:13,968 You could be, "Yeah, I'm goin' get on up goin' in." 94 00:05:14,009 --> 00:05:16,269 You... You don't go. You go, "Yeah, that's the Sunday. 95 00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:21,016 "Right here, I'm goin' iron my clothes, Saturday. Hop right on up, goin' in." 96 00:05:21,059 --> 00:05:22,409 And you don't go. 97 00:05:22,452 --> 00:05:25,672 When you do go it be Easter like errybody else 98 00:05:25,716 --> 00:05:27,676 'cause you see some stuff on Easter, boy. 99 00:05:27,718 --> 00:05:29,498 You see some people ain't been to church in so long, 100 00:05:29,546 --> 00:05:31,066 they don't even know what to do. 101 00:05:31,113 --> 00:05:32,683 They be all up in the pool up here. "Hey. 102 00:05:32,723 --> 00:05:36,163 "Hey, dog, these two seats taken right here?" 103 00:05:36,205 --> 00:05:38,635 "Aw, them somebody's seats. Aight then." 104 00:05:42,733 --> 00:05:45,873 You ever go to church and it be second Sunday? 105 00:05:45,910 --> 00:05:48,040 Old folk choir? 106 00:05:48,086 --> 00:05:50,386 You be really wantin' to go to church, but not on old folk choir. 107 00:05:50,437 --> 00:05:52,437 You know what I'm sayin'? You be really wantin' to go. 108 00:05:52,482 --> 00:05:56,492 You be on your way in. You be like, "Golly, nigga... 109 00:05:57,444 --> 00:06:01,364 "It's old folk choir, man. Golly." 110 00:06:01,404 --> 00:06:03,894 'Cause they be hittin' them hymns, them long ones. 111 00:06:03,928 --> 00:06:08,978 ♪ We're marching to Zion 112 00:06:09,020 --> 00:06:14,330 ♪ Brutaful, brutaful Zion 113 00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:18,294 Be like, "Man, I wanted to hear you going up yonder today man." 114 00:06:20,162 --> 00:06:26,602 Yeah! Def Jam!Y'all ready to get this thing rockin'? Can you feel me? 115 00:06:28,300 --> 00:06:32,300 Def Comedy Jam,Westside! 116 00:06:34,481 --> 00:06:36,661 We in L.A. You actin'... All right, y'all, 117 00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:39,440 we showcasin' the young comics from all over the country. 118 00:06:39,486 --> 00:06:41,096 Y'all know how we do it. 119 00:06:41,139 --> 00:06:44,009 Originally from Detroit, now's chillin' out here in Los Angeles, 120 00:06:44,055 --> 00:06:49,145 y'all give a hand for my man, Mr. Thomas Ward. Let him hear it, y'all. Pump it up. 121 00:06:53,891 --> 00:06:58,241 What's up, yo? Let's make some noise up in here. What's up? 122 00:06:58,287 --> 00:07:00,157 Give my man Cedric a round of applause 123 00:07:00,202 --> 00:07:02,292 and yourselves for comin' out tonight. 124 00:07:02,334 --> 00:07:05,774 Give yourselves a round of applause for comin' out. 125 00:07:05,816 --> 00:07:07,726 And, you know, errybody talk about "Practice safe sex." 126 00:07:07,775 --> 00:07:10,295 Gotta practice safe sex in '96. You know what I'm sayin'. 127 00:07:10,342 --> 00:07:12,082 'Cause it's still... The clap is still out there. 128 00:07:12,127 --> 00:07:15,037 I don't know why errybody act like the clap is no longer a threat. 129 00:07:15,086 --> 00:07:18,476 And most brothers won't fess up to gettin' the clap at least one time in they life. 130 00:07:18,525 --> 00:07:20,305 Know what I'm sayin'? Because when it first happens, 131 00:07:20,352 --> 00:07:21,882 you didn't even know what was goin' on. 132 00:07:21,919 --> 00:07:24,659 You went used the bathroom, thought everything was cool. 133 00:07:25,488 --> 00:07:27,578 [EXHALES SHARPLY] 134 00:07:27,621 --> 00:07:33,061 Got yourself together, start walkin' away and felt a little sting, "Shit! Whoa!" 135 00:07:33,104 --> 00:07:38,504 And that sting got worse and, "Nigga, fire! Nigga, fire! 136 00:07:38,545 --> 00:07:41,675 "Nigga, stop, drop, and roll! Nigga, fire! Nigga, stop, drop, and roll! 137 00:07:41,722 --> 00:07:44,462 "Nigga, fire! Nigga, stop, drop, and roll! 138 00:07:46,030 --> 00:07:50,250 "Shit! Mama, put down that magic shell and help me!" 139 00:07:55,170 --> 00:07:58,170 But before I get outta here, man, I wanna take y'all to the old, black movies. 140 00:07:58,216 --> 00:07:59,646 You know what I'm sayin? You know? 141 00:07:59,696 --> 00:08:01,826 I wanna take y'all back to Uptown Saturday Night, 142 00:08:01,872 --> 00:08:05,352 when my man Bill Cosby and Sidney Poitier... 143 00:08:05,397 --> 00:08:09,787 When they went to the bar, lookin' for Big Percy and Little Seymour 144 00:08:09,837 --> 00:08:12,137 after the after-hour club Zenobia's got robbed. 145 00:08:12,187 --> 00:08:13,967 I'm goin' to take y'all back there for a minute. 146 00:08:33,991 --> 00:08:35,991 'Member you stepped up to my man at the bar, 147 00:08:36,037 --> 00:08:40,777 "Say... Say, man. Say, I'm talkin' to you, brother." 148 00:08:40,824 --> 00:08:42,304 "What you want?" 149 00:08:42,347 --> 00:08:44,647 "You seen Big Percy around here?" 150 00:08:44,698 --> 00:08:48,568 "Who wants to know?" "I'm askin' the questions, sissy!" 151 00:08:51,748 --> 00:08:54,268 Now I wanna take y'all back to another favorite of mine. 152 00:08:54,316 --> 00:08:58,016 Let's Do It Again, which starred Bill Cosby and Sidney. 153 00:08:58,059 --> 00:09:00,889 I wanna take y'all back to when he went to place the bet on my man 154 00:09:00,931 --> 00:09:04,591 Kansas City Mack for Bootney Farnsworth to win the fight. 155 00:09:40,971 --> 00:09:45,281 "Who... Who... Who are these... Who are these dudes here? 156 00:09:45,323 --> 00:09:47,853 "Who are these dudes here? 157 00:09:47,891 --> 00:09:54,641 "See, Kansas City want to put 20-1 odds on Farnsworth. 158 00:09:56,291 --> 00:09:59,641 "See, 'cause... See, when... See... See... See... 159 00:09:59,686 --> 00:10:03,076 "Kansas City... When we lose, see... See, we pay. 160 00:10:03,124 --> 00:10:07,744 "You see, and we don't wanna come lookin' all over Louisiana 161 00:10:07,781 --> 00:10:10,041 "tryin' to find you, Kansas City. 162 00:10:10,087 --> 00:10:13,307 "So, until next time, baby, everything is cool." 163 00:10:13,351 --> 00:10:17,051 That's my time. My name is Thomas Ward. Jesus is lord. Peace. 164 00:10:27,365 --> 00:10:31,585 Yeah, y'all, give it up once again for Thomas Ward. Let him hear it! 165 00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:33,681 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDS] 166 00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:37,810 Yeah, Thomas. He's out there. That was old school. That took you back, didn't it? 167 00:10:37,854 --> 00:10:39,684 All right, y'all, we gettin' ready to pump it up. 168 00:10:39,726 --> 00:10:42,596 This brother comin' to the stage from Los Angeles. 169 00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:44,732 Y'all seen him rock it several times before. 170 00:10:44,774 --> 00:10:47,264 It's his third appearance on Def Comedy Jam. 171 00:10:47,298 --> 00:10:49,688 Y'all, please welcome him to the stage and give it up 172 00:10:49,736 --> 00:10:54,386 for my man, the very funny Mr. Alex Thomas. Let him hear it! 173 00:11:05,186 --> 00:11:09,926 Yeah, yeah, wassup, y'all! How's everybody feel? 174 00:11:09,973 --> 00:11:13,853 Where the sports fans at in the house tonight? Where the sports fans? 175 00:11:13,890 --> 00:11:16,680 Basketball fans! Basketball fans! 176 00:11:17,894 --> 00:11:20,904 Michael Jordan fans! Michael Jordan fans! 177 00:11:22,812 --> 00:11:25,292 I love Mike. I saw Mike out in public. 178 00:11:25,336 --> 00:11:29,726 It's amazing the way people look at superstars and athletes. 179 00:11:29,776 --> 00:11:31,686 They look at 'em like they're gods. 180 00:11:31,734 --> 00:11:33,744 I saw this guy lookin' at Michael Jordan. 181 00:11:33,780 --> 00:11:37,570 He was like, "Oh, my God. Michael Jordan, 182 00:11:37,609 --> 00:11:43,269 "number 23, Chicago Bulls, world champs' MVP, I love your game, man. 183 00:11:43,311 --> 00:11:48,061 "I wear your shoes, man! Can you sign my t-shirt for me?" 184 00:11:48,098 --> 00:11:52,278 And I thought about it. That's a trip, the way superstars are treated. 185 00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:56,590 What if the everyday, average Joe was treated like that in the hood? 186 00:11:56,628 --> 00:12:00,198 You see, brothers... "Oh, nigga, Keylo-G, 187 00:12:00,241 --> 00:12:03,941 "drug dealer, 125th and Crenshaw sold two keys in one night. 188 00:12:06,116 --> 00:12:08,466 "Nigga, I love your weed, nigga. 189 00:12:09,816 --> 00:12:12,166 "I smoke your shit every night. 190 00:12:13,297 --> 00:12:15,127 "Nigga, can you sign my pipe for me?" 191 00:12:21,044 --> 00:12:22,924 Speakin' about sports, I mean with Michael Jordan... 192 00:12:22,959 --> 00:12:25,309 Besides Mike, by a round of applause, 193 00:12:25,353 --> 00:12:28,493 how many people think there's too much money in sports now, by round of applause? 194 00:12:31,141 --> 00:12:35,151 There's at least five guys in the NBA right now makin' $100,000,000 195 00:12:35,189 --> 00:12:37,929 and it all started with Glenn "Big Dog" Robinson, 196 00:12:37,974 --> 00:12:40,024 rookie on the Milwaukee Bucks a couple years ago. 197 00:12:40,063 --> 00:12:43,723 He wanted $100,000,000 to play six years with the team. 198 00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:46,643 Now, all I'm sayin' is, for $100,000,000, 199 00:12:46,678 --> 00:12:50,598 that nigga better play every position in the building. 200 00:12:50,639 --> 00:12:54,819 I better hear, "All right. Today's starting lineup's as follows. 201 00:12:54,861 --> 00:12:57,651 "Listen up. Robinson, forward, 202 00:12:57,689 --> 00:13:02,649 "Robinson, guard, Robinson, center, Robinson, coach, 203 00:13:02,694 --> 00:13:05,834 "Robinson, cheer-lead, Robinson, referee, 204 00:13:05,872 --> 00:13:07,832 "Robinson, rip tickets, 205 00:13:07,874 --> 00:13:09,484 "Robinson, sell peanuts, 206 00:13:09,527 --> 00:13:13,527 "popcorn, pretzels. Let's get on the bus! Let's go! 207 00:13:16,708 --> 00:13:18,888 "Robinson, you drive." 208 00:13:22,497 --> 00:13:25,757 What's so crazy now in the NBA, the bench warmers, 209 00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:28,155 the dudes that don't even get in the game, 210 00:13:28,198 --> 00:13:30,158 make at least $1,000,000 right? 211 00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:35,210 For $1,000,000, I will warm the bench, lotion the bench, 212 00:13:35,249 --> 00:13:38,769 sand the bench. I'll build a bench. 213 00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:41,728 Be the middle of the game, "Good shot, Mike! Ha-ha!" 214 00:13:41,777 --> 00:13:45,517 [MIMICS SAWING] 215 00:13:45,563 --> 00:13:49,223 "Call the foul, ref! Call the foul! Man, fuck these motherfuckers." 216 00:14:02,363 --> 00:14:07,593 Alex Thomas, y'all. I'm outta here. Appreciate it, L.A. 217 00:14:16,029 --> 00:14:18,209 Aight, we have to set up for a minute for this next comic. 218 00:14:18,248 --> 00:14:22,208 So, y'all, you know, just chill a sec. We gonna let him set up right here. 219 00:14:22,252 --> 00:14:24,912 He's gonna do his thing. You know what I'm sayin? 220 00:14:24,951 --> 00:14:29,351 We got ourselves... How y'all doin' over there? Look, SWV. How y'all doin? 221 00:14:29,390 --> 00:14:34,000 Sisters Without Vehicles, how your thing going there? 222 00:14:34,047 --> 00:14:38,397 No one down. Know they need a ride. You know they need a ride up in there. 223 00:14:38,442 --> 00:14:41,922 Lookin' for Lisa and them. You know they lookin' for Lisa and them somewhere. 224 00:14:41,968 --> 00:14:47,148 All right, y'all. From Chicago, Illinois, you know what I'm sayin'? 225 00:14:47,190 --> 00:14:51,670 Y'all, please welcome Mr. Craig Robinson. Let him hear it. 226 00:15:12,694 --> 00:15:14,094 Before I begin, 227 00:15:17,873 --> 00:15:21,623 how many people out there have seen Chris Rock's HBO special? 228 00:15:21,659 --> 00:15:22,879 Give a hand clap if you saw it. 229 00:15:27,883 --> 00:15:30,153 Okay. There goes that material. Um... 230 00:15:36,848 --> 00:15:39,628 And it made me, kind of, nervous to come up, 231 00:15:39,677 --> 00:15:43,897 but I remember something my father would say when I was a little boy 232 00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:46,343 and I would be scared and alone, he would say, 233 00:15:46,380 --> 00:15:48,250 "Stop crying." 234 00:15:48,295 --> 00:15:50,855 And right now I want to share a poem with you. 235 00:15:54,779 --> 00:15:57,829 I call it "Stop Crying." 236 00:15:59,915 --> 00:16:03,005 Stop crying. Stop crying right now 237 00:16:05,094 --> 00:16:09,754 before I give you something to cry about. 238 00:16:12,014 --> 00:16:15,634 You're makin' a scene and you know that it's wrong. 239 00:16:15,670 --> 00:16:18,410 Just wait till we get home. 240 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:27,774 The violence has got to stop. 241 00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:36,911 There used to be a time where you could drop your friend off and wave goodbye, 242 00:16:38,562 --> 00:16:41,002 but now there's car jackin'. 243 00:16:41,043 --> 00:16:42,523 Other day, I dropped my boy off. 244 00:16:42,566 --> 00:16:45,216 I'm watchin' to make sure he got in the house safely. 245 00:16:45,265 --> 00:16:48,135 He's watchin' to make sure I don't get carjacked. 246 00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:51,095 Man, we were outside all night. 247 00:16:56,493 --> 00:17:00,893 Did you hear that the man who wrote the Hokey Pokey died? 248 00:17:00,932 --> 00:17:02,722 It's very sad and very embarrassing. 249 00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:07,370 At his funeral, they could not get him in the casket. 250 00:17:07,417 --> 00:17:10,937 They put his right foot in...[AUDIENCE CHEERING] 251 00:17:25,783 --> 00:17:29,353 I know you all know Kid Capri is an excellent DJ... 252 00:17:32,834 --> 00:17:36,664 But I'm going to tell you something personal about that man. 253 00:17:36,707 --> 00:17:40,617 Last night, we were leaving a party, and you know, it was rainin' 254 00:17:40,668 --> 00:17:45,108 and as I was crossin' the street a car spun out of control 255 00:17:45,151 --> 00:17:47,201 and it was coming straight for me. 256 00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:50,500 And Kid reached out and pulled me out the way. 257 00:17:50,547 --> 00:17:53,807 Last night, a DJ saved my life.[AUDIENCE CHEERING] 258 00:18:12,830 --> 00:18:15,140 I'm a very romantic person. 259 00:18:16,312 --> 00:18:18,232 I love to be in love when I can 260 00:18:18,271 --> 00:18:20,401 and I sincerely believe in the hope 261 00:18:20,447 --> 00:18:22,707 there's someone out there for everybody. 262 00:18:22,753 --> 00:18:26,413 The more I date, the more I realize that my person 263 00:18:26,453 --> 00:18:28,933 died at birth or something. I don't know. 264 00:18:32,502 --> 00:18:36,942 The girl I'm dating now... The girl I'm dating... 265 00:18:36,985 --> 00:18:39,245 The girl I'm stalking now... 266 00:18:41,555 --> 00:18:46,335 She's a Muslim, but I just call her my ex-girlfriend. 267 00:18:49,693 --> 00:18:51,433 But we have to break up 268 00:18:51,478 --> 00:18:53,958 and the thing I'm going to miss most about our relationship 269 00:18:54,002 --> 00:18:55,572 is her brother. 270 00:18:57,179 --> 00:19:01,749 He's retarded. And he said to me, "Craig, man, 271 00:19:01,792 --> 00:19:04,232 "a lot of people think just 'cause I'm retarded 272 00:19:04,273 --> 00:19:09,193 "I can't do certain things. I... I'm not talented." 273 00:19:09,235 --> 00:19:11,185 And, ladies and gentleman, that's not true. 274 00:19:11,237 --> 00:19:15,417 As a matter of fact, he wrote this song and I... 275 00:19:16,590 --> 00:19:18,370 I hope you enjoy it. 276 00:19:21,464 --> 00:19:24,214 [SINGING INCOHERENTLY] 277 00:19:36,436 --> 00:19:39,086 I can see you're not goin' to be serious about this. 278 00:19:51,581 --> 00:19:54,411 Y'all, give it up for the big, bad boss in blue jeans. 279 00:19:54,454 --> 00:19:58,334 Give it up for my man, Mr. Russell Simmons. Yeah! 280 00:20:00,982 --> 00:20:03,682 Thank y'all for comin' out. God bless you. Good night. 281 00:20:03,732 --> 00:20:08,282 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 24271

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