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[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
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00:00:07,442 --> 00:00:09,182
KID CAPRI: Straight out of
New York City,
3
00:00:09,226 --> 00:00:12,706
it's the Russell Simmons'
Def Comedy All-Star Jam.
4
00:00:33,250 --> 00:00:37,470
Put your hands together for
my man, Mr. Steve Harvey.
5
00:00:39,604 --> 00:00:41,654
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING ]
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Def Jam,
how you all doin'?
7
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No, no, let's try it again.
I said, how you all doin'?
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AUDIENCE: Fine!
9
00:01:21,777 --> 00:01:23,687
Appreciate
y'all havin' me.
10
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A lot of y'all ain't
laughin' right now,
11
00:01:25,259 --> 00:01:27,479
but God damn it,
I'm funny
12
00:01:27,522 --> 00:01:32,092
and I'll have your ass
vomitin' shortly. Believe that.
13
00:01:32,135 --> 00:01:37,265
I was hoping that racism would
be over with by now,
14
00:01:37,314 --> 00:01:40,584
but the reason racism
exists in this country, y'all can believe this...
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00:01:40,622 --> 00:01:44,192
It's 'cause black people
and white people don't understand each other
16
00:01:44,234 --> 00:01:46,804
and the reason we don't
understand each other
17
00:01:46,845 --> 00:01:49,145
is because we
don't socialize.
18
00:01:49,196 --> 00:01:52,626
That's the problem.
We don't hang out together.
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That is the only
problem we got.
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See y'all,
you don't understand.
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See, once Friday come
and the bell ring at Friday,
22
00:02:01,208 --> 00:02:03,118
everybody break.
23
00:02:03,166 --> 00:02:06,646
You go to your house
with people that look just like you.
24
00:02:06,691 --> 00:02:08,171
White people go
to they house,
25
00:02:08,215 --> 00:02:09,865
people look just like them.
26
00:02:09,912 --> 00:02:12,742
That don't make
your ass racist. That's just the way it is.
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00:02:12,784 --> 00:02:14,794
You know, or if I go
to work in the morning
28
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and there's black people
at my house
29
00:02:16,745 --> 00:02:20,485
when I come back home,
I just expect to see black people in my house.
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That don't make me
racist or nothing.
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It's just wasn't
no white folks in there when I left this morning.
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I don't see why
there'd need to be some sittin' up in there now.
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00:02:29,061 --> 00:02:31,411
And if I do see somebody
white in my house,
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I ain't going to trip
or nothing.
35
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But I pulling somebody's
ass to the side.
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[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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"Why the hell is this
white man in here?
38
00:02:39,246 --> 00:02:41,806
"Do we owe his
ass some money?
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00:02:41,857 --> 00:02:44,427
"Are we goin' to
have to move soon?"
40
00:02:44,468 --> 00:02:46,468
Just some
key questions I got,
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00:02:46,514 --> 00:02:49,524
if I see some white folks
sitting in my house.
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00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:51,820
Black people, white people
can't party together.
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00:02:51,867 --> 00:02:55,737
It's just some shit
going on when they party that we ain't having none of.
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00:02:55,784 --> 00:02:57,224
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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I'm going to tell you
something white folks
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00:02:58,439 --> 00:03:00,179
do that you never really
knew about.
47
00:03:00,223 --> 00:03:02,093
Here what white folks do.
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00:03:02,138 --> 00:03:04,008
They get a bunch of 'em
together and they get in a car.
49
00:03:04,053 --> 00:03:07,453
Then they drive to a bar
and they go in there and they start drinking.
50
00:03:07,491 --> 00:03:09,231
Well, they leave that bar,
51
00:03:09,276 --> 00:03:13,496
they get in their car again
and they drive to another bar.
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00:03:13,541 --> 00:03:15,281
Now, they get drunk
in that bar,
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but they don't stop there.
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00:03:16,674 --> 00:03:19,724
They get their drunk ass
back in the car
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and they drive
to another bar.
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Now they drunk as hell.
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Then they drive home
and one of 'em throw up in the other one's car.
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00:03:30,122 --> 00:03:32,122
Then they go to work
the next morning, say,
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00:03:32,168 --> 00:03:35,428
"Ah, we had
a great fuckin' time!"
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[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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00:03:36,781 --> 00:03:39,311
"Ah, it's delicious!
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"Tommy puked
in the fuckin' car. He puked."
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00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:45,183
That's where we draw the line,
right there.
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00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:46,785
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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00:03:46,835 --> 00:03:50,265
You better not throw up
in a black person's ride.
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00:03:50,317 --> 00:03:54,057
Oh, the goddamn party
is over with.
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00:03:54,103 --> 00:03:58,193
Oh, ain't no more
good-ass time when you vomit in a brother's ride.
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00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:00,718
We... You better
not look like your ass
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00:04:00,762 --> 00:04:03,112
is fittin' to vomit
in the ride.
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00:04:03,155 --> 00:04:06,895
Soon as we see that wind
gathering up in your jaws...
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00:04:06,942 --> 00:04:09,772
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
72
00:04:09,814 --> 00:04:11,864
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING ]
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00:04:14,341 --> 00:04:17,471
"Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey, what you doin'?
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00:04:17,518 --> 00:04:21,518
"What you doin'?
What you doin'? What the fuck you doin'?
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"Dude, you better
not throw up! Don't you throw up.
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00:04:23,350 --> 00:04:27,090
"What? Get the fuck out.
Get yo' ass out the car."
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00:04:27,136 --> 00:04:29,136
[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
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00:04:35,362 --> 00:04:38,322
Black people
and white people don't party together.
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00:04:38,365 --> 00:04:40,365
Then you've
got Sunday morning,
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00:04:41,672 --> 00:04:44,502
time of worship.
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00:04:44,545 --> 00:04:49,285
I really think that blacks
and whites could come together a little bit better
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00:04:49,332 --> 00:04:52,342
if we spent
time worshiping together.
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00:04:52,379 --> 00:04:56,639
I think this country
would be better, but I'll tell you the truth though,
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00:04:57,471 --> 00:05:00,131
deep in my heart, I...
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00:05:00,169 --> 00:05:02,649
I really know that ain't
a good idea 'cause...
86
00:05:02,693 --> 00:05:04,743
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
87
00:05:04,782 --> 00:05:08,312
White folks and black folks
do different things at they church.
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00:05:08,351 --> 00:05:11,181
Think it's hard
for us to party together.
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00:05:11,223 --> 00:05:13,573
We got some things going on
at our church, white folks
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00:05:13,617 --> 00:05:15,527
just ain't going to be
able to get with,
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00:05:15,576 --> 00:05:18,356
so ain't no need
us trying to mix the two.
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00:05:18,405 --> 00:05:22,095
See, white folks normally
got great big old churches,
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00:05:22,147 --> 00:05:26,367
got thousands and thousands
of square footage in they church.
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00:05:26,413 --> 00:05:30,983
You walk up to the door
and they got crosses up on the top of the church.
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00:05:31,026 --> 00:05:33,636
Stretched all the way
up in the clouds.
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00:05:33,681 --> 00:05:36,991
Then you walk in,
they got wall-to-wall carpet.
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00:05:37,032 --> 00:05:39,862
They even got carpet
on the pews.
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00:05:39,904 --> 00:05:43,824
They got gold nameplates
at the end of each one of these pews
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00:05:43,865 --> 00:05:46,605
'cause somebody done
gave so much damn money,
100
00:05:46,650 --> 00:05:48,610
they'd have named a chair
after they ass.
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00:05:48,652 --> 00:05:50,222
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
102
00:05:50,262 --> 00:05:53,052
Then white folks sing
out of hymnbooks.
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Hymn number 14.
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00:05:55,137 --> 00:05:57,267
Hymn number 79.
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00:05:57,313 --> 00:06:00,713
Black people don't need
no hymnbooks. Hell, we wrote all them songs.
106
00:06:00,751 --> 00:06:02,751
[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING ]
107
00:06:07,149 --> 00:06:10,409
Oh, but black people church
is altogether different.
108
00:06:10,457 --> 00:06:12,277
Oh, lord,
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00:06:12,328 --> 00:06:15,638
most of the time, y'all,
we just ain't got no great big old church.
110
00:06:15,679 --> 00:06:17,899
Some time
we just got a door...
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00:06:17,942 --> 00:06:19,252
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
112
00:06:19,291 --> 00:06:21,471
...that's next
to this here door
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00:06:21,511 --> 00:06:24,251
that's between
somebody else's door.
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00:06:24,296 --> 00:06:26,166
That's called a store.
115
00:06:26,211 --> 00:06:28,131
[LAUGHING]
116
00:06:28,170 --> 00:06:32,170
Then we got some
hand-painted sign with crooked-ass letters
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00:06:32,217 --> 00:06:34,517
hung up all on the top of it,
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00:06:34,568 --> 00:06:38,268
the Greater Mount Olive
Baptist Missionary
119
00:06:38,310 --> 00:06:42,360
Holiness Pentecostal Church
of our Father
120
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:47,152
Living God's Sanctuary
Catholicism Methodist
121
00:06:47,189 --> 00:06:50,319
Bartholomew Greater
Give-a-lot
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00:06:50,366 --> 00:06:53,936
Worthiness Church of God
Holiness Father.
123
00:06:53,978 --> 00:06:57,458
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
124
00:06:57,504 --> 00:07:03,604
Pastored by the honorable
Willie E. Turnip Emanuel
125
00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:09,910
Thelonious Monk
Junior Bartholomew the Third,
126
00:07:09,951 --> 00:07:12,651
DDS Doctor.
127
00:07:12,693 --> 00:07:16,173
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
128
00:07:16,218 --> 00:07:19,828
Yeah, and then you walk in
that raggedy-ass church.
129
00:07:19,874 --> 00:07:23,014
We ain't got no cross
stuck all up to the ceiling.
130
00:07:23,051 --> 00:07:27,711
No, we got one neon cross
and we hang it up real high somewhere.
131
00:07:27,751 --> 00:07:30,101
So, don't nobody crazy ass
knock it over.
132
00:07:30,145 --> 00:07:31,315
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
133
00:07:31,363 --> 00:07:33,413
As soon as
that organ start,
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00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,413
it ain't nothin'
but a track meet.
135
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:39,625
People just get to
runnin' all into shit, knockin' shit over.
136
00:07:39,676 --> 00:07:42,846
Somebody ought to bring
a starter pistol in there.
137
00:07:42,897 --> 00:07:47,597
"Take to your mark,
get set, go."
138
00:07:47,641 --> 00:07:51,211
And just watch they ass
start to runnin' and knockin' shit over.
139
00:07:51,253 --> 00:07:52,653
[LAUGHING]
140
00:07:52,689 --> 00:07:56,349
And every black church
got a building fund.
141
00:07:56,388 --> 00:08:01,518
We done had a building fund
in my church, ever since I was four years old.
142
00:08:01,568 --> 00:08:03,528
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
143
00:08:03,570 --> 00:08:06,920
Ought to be about
$9 million in the damn building fund by now.
144
00:08:06,964 --> 00:08:10,844
We ain't put a new doorknob
on the damn church.
145
00:08:10,881 --> 00:08:15,501
What the hell is
the pastor doin' with the damn buildin' fund?
146
00:08:15,538 --> 00:08:19,108
How many of these
greasy-ass chicken sandwiches I got to buy
147
00:08:19,150 --> 00:08:22,890
after service to help
support the buildin' fund?
148
00:08:22,937 --> 00:08:26,507
How many of them
stale-ass brownies I got to buy
149
00:08:26,549 --> 00:08:30,069
from Sister O'Dell's
non-baking ass
150
00:08:30,118 --> 00:08:34,558
before we finally
build somethin' on that raggedy-ass church?
151
00:08:34,601 --> 00:08:36,601
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
152
00:08:36,646 --> 00:08:40,166
How 'bout some new choir
robes so the choir can quit showing up
153
00:08:40,215 --> 00:08:42,775
in them dingy-ass
white blouses?
154
00:08:42,826 --> 00:08:44,646
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
155
00:08:44,698 --> 00:08:48,478
Yeah, but I see the pastor
got a new ride though, don't you, Pastor?
156
00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:50,528
[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING ]
157
00:09:01,105 --> 00:09:06,885
That's why
I think black folk
158
00:09:06,937 --> 00:09:09,367
don't need to go to
church with white folks.
159
00:09:09,418 --> 00:09:11,418
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING ]
160
00:09:12,726 --> 00:09:13,726
[WHISTLING]
161
00:09:20,821 --> 00:09:24,781
Well, y'all, it is time
to get started.
162
00:09:24,825 --> 00:09:26,865
Ain't no need in
messing round no more.
163
00:09:26,914 --> 00:09:29,614
We about to get it on.
When I bring these young brothers out here,
164
00:09:29,656 --> 00:09:32,476
I want you to
show your love.
165
00:09:32,528 --> 00:09:34,488
I appreciate the opportunity
for being here,
166
00:09:34,530 --> 00:09:36,140
first of all,
that they have given me.
167
00:09:36,184 --> 00:09:39,494
I think that Def Jamhas been
an enormous vehicle
168
00:09:39,535 --> 00:09:42,315
in the progression
of black comedy in this country.
169
00:09:42,364 --> 00:09:43,634
[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
170
00:09:43,670 --> 00:09:47,460
I think...
171
00:09:47,499 --> 00:09:50,849
That Def Jam
has given America a view of us,
172
00:09:50,894 --> 00:09:53,034
whether they wanted to
see it or not.
173
00:09:53,070 --> 00:09:56,420
Def Jamhas turned out to
be the number-one comedy
174
00:09:56,465 --> 00:09:59,895
running show ever
in the history of cable television.
175
00:09:59,947 --> 00:10:01,947
[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING ]
176
00:10:03,341 --> 00:10:05,561
So now, we are here
to present to you
177
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:09,515
some more fine,
young brothers in the stand-up field today.
178
00:10:09,565 --> 00:10:12,735
So, if you're ready
for the show to get started, everybody say, "Yeah."
179
00:10:12,786 --> 00:10:15,566
AUDIENCE: Yeah.C'mon now, everybody,
say, "Yeah."
180
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:17,395
AUDIENCE: Yeah.Your first act, y'all,
181
00:10:17,442 --> 00:10:21,142
is presently residing
in Harlem, New York.
182
00:10:21,185 --> 00:10:22,445
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING ]
183
00:10:22,491 --> 00:10:25,151
That's home of the
Apollo Theater.
184
00:10:25,189 --> 00:10:29,409
So, without further ado,
please, show your love for Capital Jay.
185
00:10:29,454 --> 00:10:30,674
[MUSIC PLAYING]
186
00:10:30,717 --> 00:10:31,667
[APPLAUSE]
187
00:10:46,036 --> 00:10:51,216
I am here
representin' New York!
188
00:10:51,259 --> 00:10:53,349
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
189
00:10:53,391 --> 00:10:55,001
Uptown, make some noise.
190
00:10:55,045 --> 00:10:57,955
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
191
00:10:58,005 --> 00:11:00,825
Aight, I'm also
representin' somewhere else,
192
00:11:00,877 --> 00:11:03,397
but y'all know
that famous question, right?
193
00:11:03,445 --> 00:11:04,835
Is Brooklyn
in the house?
194
00:11:04,881 --> 00:11:06,881
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
195
00:11:09,233 --> 00:11:11,983
All of ya out there
in Def Jamland,
196
00:11:12,019 --> 00:11:14,799
Brooklyn goes
every-fuckin'-where.
197
00:11:14,848 --> 00:11:17,548
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING ]
198
00:11:17,589 --> 00:11:21,859
It don't matter where.
There's a nigga in Tokyo right now watchin' Def Jam.
199
00:11:21,898 --> 00:11:24,768
And he laughin' and it's
a nigga next to him goin', "I'm from Brooklyn."
200
00:11:24,814 --> 00:11:26,694
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
201
00:11:26,729 --> 00:11:29,169
I did a show on the moon.
202
00:11:29,210 --> 00:11:31,820
I said, "Is Brooklyn
in the house?" Niggas just floatin' by.
203
00:11:31,865 --> 00:11:33,735
[VOCALIZING]
204
00:11:33,780 --> 00:11:35,830
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]
205
00:11:38,436 --> 00:11:40,826
[IMITATES COCKING AND
SHOOTING A GUN]
206
00:11:40,874 --> 00:11:42,924
[IMITATING GUNSHOTS][AUDIENCE APPLAUDING ]
207
00:11:44,486 --> 00:11:46,486
[VOCALIZING]
208
00:11:48,446 --> 00:11:50,446
[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING ]
209
00:11:52,799 --> 00:11:56,239
And Brooklyn is home of,
like, some of the hardest rappers to date
210
00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:59,280
'cause we done brought it
back to the East Coast.
211
00:11:59,327 --> 00:12:04,767
Aight, Biggie representin'.
Aight, Wu-Tang representin'.
212
00:12:04,811 --> 00:12:08,421
But it's like, some niggas
that are just too hard.
213
00:12:08,466 --> 00:12:10,726
Like, next year,
it's going to be one nigga.
214
00:12:10,773 --> 00:12:13,603
He's just goin' to be so hard,
he's not goin' to say nothin' in his video.
215
00:12:13,645 --> 00:12:15,075
He's just goin' to be like...
216
00:12:15,125 --> 00:12:17,125
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
217
00:12:29,966 --> 00:12:31,396
Niggas just hard.
218
00:12:31,446 --> 00:12:34,276
But I don't care
how hard you are
219
00:12:34,318 --> 00:12:36,358
or how hard you want to be,
220
00:12:36,407 --> 00:12:39,537
a car will bring the bitch
right out of you.
221
00:12:39,584 --> 00:12:43,594
You could be
all of the Wu-Tang Clan wrapped into one person.
222
00:12:43,632 --> 00:12:45,772
You could be,
like, talkin' to somebody, just chillin'
223
00:12:45,808 --> 00:12:48,288
then a car run up on you.
I'm sayin' "Don't worry.
224
00:12:48,332 --> 00:12:52,642
"I'm 'bout to go
cop this..." [MUMBLING] "All right?
225
00:12:52,684 --> 00:12:55,694
"So, yo, I'm goin' to
talk to you later, kid, Aight? Word up. Peace, yo."
226
00:12:57,037 --> 00:12:58,597
[EXCLAIMS]
227
00:12:58,647 --> 00:13:00,647
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
228
00:13:19,059 --> 00:13:20,539
All right?
229
00:13:21,888 --> 00:13:23,148
All the Jamaicans
in the house,
230
00:13:23,193 --> 00:13:24,333
let me here you go
"Bump, bump."
231
00:13:24,368 --> 00:13:26,278
AUDIENCE MEMBERS: Bump, bump!
232
00:13:26,327 --> 00:13:28,547
You know, 'cause I'm...
You know, I'm half Jamaican myself.
233
00:13:28,590 --> 00:13:32,290
But I got a full-blown
Jamaican cousin.
234
00:13:32,333 --> 00:13:33,943
I don't... Yo, you could...
235
00:13:33,987 --> 00:13:36,987
He could chill and he
could talk to you fluently.
236
00:13:37,033 --> 00:13:40,863
"Yeah, rasta, let's go
around the corner, get something to eat."
237
00:13:40,907 --> 00:13:45,517
Let him get mad at you,
you don't understand nothin' but that last word.
238
00:13:45,563 --> 00:13:48,263
"Yeah, why come in my room
and then fuck with..."
239
00:13:48,305 --> 00:13:50,785
[JAMAICAN RAMBLING]
240
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:54,790
[JAMAICAN RAMBLING]
"Fuck you."
241
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:56,494
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]
242
00:14:00,709 --> 00:14:06,759
"What'd I say?"
[JAMAICAN RAMBLING] "Bitch."
243
00:14:06,802 --> 00:14:08,722
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]
244
00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:12,200
And I love
the reggae music, man. Reggae music is the shit.
245
00:14:12,242 --> 00:14:14,032
[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
246
00:14:14,070 --> 00:14:17,330
Reggae music is the shit.
247
00:14:17,378 --> 00:14:20,028
I just can't stand
the reggae DJs, man.
248
00:14:20,076 --> 00:14:24,726
Reggae DJs do not know
how to let one record play without fuckin' with it.
249
00:14:24,776 --> 00:14:26,256
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]
250
00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:28,390
"Show, select.
Da, da, da, da."
251
00:14:28,432 --> 00:14:30,352
Once you hear "Select,"
It's, like, "Oh, shit, here it come."
252
00:14:30,391 --> 00:14:33,441
"Come down!" [VOCALIZES]
"Come a see you party.
253
00:14:33,481 --> 00:14:37,271
"Hold up...
Me wanna rewind!"
254
00:14:37,311 --> 00:14:39,621
[IMITATING RECORD SCRATCHING][AUDIENCE CHEERING]
255
00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:48,670
"People got to give
a shout out, out, out, out..."
256
00:14:48,713 --> 00:14:50,543
All the Jamaicans,
"Bump, bump, bump."
257
00:14:50,585 --> 00:14:52,235
All the Americans,
"What the fuck!"
258
00:14:52,282 --> 00:14:55,332
[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
259
00:14:55,372 --> 00:14:59,942
"I paid $20 to get in.
Could you let one record play, Trevor?"
260
00:14:59,986 --> 00:15:02,416
[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
261
00:15:02,466 --> 00:15:04,636
No, but you know
what I like though?
262
00:15:04,686 --> 00:15:07,246
I like to talk
about the old school 'cause the old school be the shit.
263
00:15:07,297 --> 00:15:09,997
You know what I'm sayin'?
But the only thing though,
264
00:15:10,039 --> 00:15:12,259
with the old...
Like, back when I was little,
265
00:15:12,302 --> 00:15:15,442
I was, like, one
of them fat little kids, right. I was a punk.
266
00:15:15,479 --> 00:15:19,609
I was really a punk,
but there's one thing you couldn't take from me,
267
00:15:19,657 --> 00:15:22,567
my lunch ticket.[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
268
00:15:22,617 --> 00:15:25,227
You could take everything
else, but you couldn't take my lunch ticket.
269
00:15:25,272 --> 00:15:28,452
And I was one them little
fat motherfuckers that'd try to talk his way out.
270
00:15:28,492 --> 00:15:32,412
The bully come up to me,
"Yo, give me your lunch ticket, man."
271
00:15:33,410 --> 00:15:34,410
"Huh?"
272
00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:38,460
"I'm saying, don't...
273
00:15:38,502 --> 00:15:40,812
"Yo, there's people
back there. Why you fuckin' with me?"
274
00:15:40,852 --> 00:15:43,992
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
275
00:15:44,030 --> 00:15:45,990
"I'm sayin'...
You know, I'm sayin' though,
276
00:15:46,032 --> 00:15:47,642
"you know, I'm, like,
third on line and whatnot
277
00:15:47,685 --> 00:15:50,645
"and my ma's didn't cook
this mornin', for real."
278
00:15:50,688 --> 00:15:53,298
And what was
the worst thing that could happen to you?
279
00:15:53,343 --> 00:15:56,783
'Member the mush?
You get mushed on a line.
280
00:15:56,825 --> 00:16:00,255
Oh, that used to hurt!
But I didn't give a fuck.
281
00:16:00,307 --> 00:16:03,217
"Yo, give me your ticket."
I be like, "No, I'm... I'm hungry, yo.
282
00:16:03,266 --> 00:16:05,746
"Yo, just got to do
what you gotta do, yo. I don't care, yo.
283
00:16:05,790 --> 00:16:08,660
"You just gotta do...
Yo, you just gotta do what you gotta do, you know.
284
00:16:08,706 --> 00:16:10,836
"Fuck it, man. Watch it, yo."
285
00:16:10,882 --> 00:16:12,492
[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
286
00:16:12,536 --> 00:16:16,146
Aight. Where all the
Puerto Ricans at?
287
00:16:16,192 --> 00:16:17,892
[AUDIENCE MEMBERS CHEERING]
288
00:16:17,933 --> 00:16:19,723
Y'all remember how y'all
used to turn shit out, right?
289
00:16:21,197 --> 00:16:23,457
[MUSIC PLAYING]
290
00:16:23,504 --> 00:16:25,554
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING ]
291
00:16:43,654 --> 00:16:44,664
[MUSIC STOPS]
292
00:16:55,231 --> 00:16:56,711
Peace to uptown
and Brooklyn.
293
00:16:56,754 --> 00:17:00,194
Peace to my family,
my man. I'm out.
294
00:17:00,236 --> 00:17:01,626
[APPLAUSE]
295
00:17:01,672 --> 00:17:02,672
[MUSIC PLAYING]
296
00:17:12,857 --> 00:17:16,507
Check it out right there.
One more time, Capital Jay.
297
00:17:16,557 --> 00:17:18,777
Uh-huh.[CHEERING]
298
00:17:18,820 --> 00:17:21,340
Boy, let's go on and get
somebody else out here.
299
00:17:21,388 --> 00:17:23,388
Y'all ready for your
next act, say, "Yeah."
300
00:17:23,433 --> 00:17:27,003
AUDIENCE: Yeah.Ready for your
next act say "Yeah."
301
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,176
This brother right here
302
00:17:28,221 --> 00:17:30,571
has appeared
on Showtime at the Apollo
303
00:17:30,614 --> 00:17:33,924
and he is here tonight
to make history.
304
00:17:33,965 --> 00:17:35,225
You'll see what I mean.
305
00:17:35,271 --> 00:17:37,881
Y'all, show your love
for Rich Vos.
306
00:17:37,926 --> 00:17:41,056
C'mon, y'all, Rich Vos
on Def Jam.
307
00:17:41,103 --> 00:17:43,063
[MUSIC PLAYING][CHEERING]
308
00:17:50,504 --> 00:17:53,644
Lot of sisters in the house
checkin' me out, huh?
309
00:17:53,681 --> 00:17:55,381
[LAUGHING]
310
00:17:57,946 --> 00:17:59,466
Remember,
once you go white,
311
00:17:59,513 --> 00:18:01,173
you go right back to black.
312
00:18:01,210 --> 00:18:03,210
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
313
00:18:05,736 --> 00:18:09,126
Shit, I'm not like
the brothers. I'll eat the coochie, okay?
314
00:18:09,175 --> 00:18:10,695
[LAUGHING]
315
00:18:10,741 --> 00:18:12,311
That's what I'm talkin' about.
316
00:18:14,397 --> 00:18:16,827
My sister used to go out
with a black guy.
317
00:18:16,878 --> 00:18:20,358
I said, "What's up with that?"
She said, "Once you go black, you never go back."
318
00:18:20,403 --> 00:18:22,453
I go, "That's 'cause
our family won't let you in."
319
00:18:22,492 --> 00:18:24,492
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
320
00:18:27,149 --> 00:18:31,719
Loosen up.
Can't we all get along
321
00:18:31,762 --> 00:18:34,162
'till I get my car
and get the fuck outta here.
322
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:35,850
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
323
00:18:35,897 --> 00:18:37,247
What do we got,
the white girl over there goin'
324
00:18:37,290 --> 00:18:39,600
"Oh, he's gonna
start shit." [LAUGHING]
325
00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:42,510
White people,
we need to riot, tonight, me and you, baby.
326
00:18:42,556 --> 00:18:44,556
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
327
00:18:52,043 --> 00:18:54,613
Shit, white people
don't know how to riot.
328
00:18:54,655 --> 00:18:56,695
We'd steal lumber. [LAUGHS]
329
00:18:56,744 --> 00:18:58,754
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
330
00:19:00,487 --> 00:19:02,837
"Honey, look at all this
plywood I got."
331
00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:06,010
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
332
00:19:06,057 --> 00:19:08,187
I love workin'
a black audience, I'm tellin' you, man.
333
00:19:08,234 --> 00:19:10,324
White audiences are cool.
You know, it's money. It's money.
334
00:19:10,366 --> 00:19:12,666
But black audiences
give it up, you know.
335
00:19:12,716 --> 00:19:14,586
But whenever I leave
a black club, I'm tellin' you,
336
00:19:14,631 --> 00:19:17,631
I go to my car
and there's, like, 2,000 fliers on my car.
337
00:19:17,678 --> 00:19:18,808
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
338
00:19:18,853 --> 00:19:21,943
Black people will
promote anything.
339
00:19:21,986 --> 00:19:24,726
Rasheem's graduating, flier.
340
00:19:24,772 --> 00:19:26,772
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
341
00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:32,950
Barbecue
at Gerald Kelly's, flier.
342
00:19:34,608 --> 00:19:35,608
[CHUCKLES]
343
00:19:41,092 --> 00:19:43,232
I just want to say,
I love carrying a message.
344
00:19:43,269 --> 00:19:47,059
I just celebrated
10 years without a drug or a drink in my body,
345
00:19:47,098 --> 00:19:48,618
sober by the grace of God.
346
00:19:48,665 --> 00:19:49,875
Thank you.[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
347
00:19:49,927 --> 00:19:51,227
Ten years clean.
348
00:19:51,277 --> 00:19:53,977
It works if you work it.
349
00:19:54,018 --> 00:19:57,588
And I don't need to get
high now 'cause I've got gambling to fall back on.
350
00:19:57,631 --> 00:19:59,371
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
351
00:19:59,415 --> 00:20:00,755
Them numbers,
the lotteries,
352
00:20:00,808 --> 00:20:02,548
who plays the
numbers here? Don't lie.
353
00:20:02,592 --> 00:20:03,992
[MILD CHEERING]There you go.
354
00:20:04,028 --> 00:20:06,248
Black people play
the numbers the best.
355
00:20:06,292 --> 00:20:08,732
Two brothers be sittin'
on the front porch of their house,
356
00:20:08,772 --> 00:20:11,082
one runs off and
gets hit by a car, the other one's goin',
357
00:20:11,122 --> 00:20:13,082
"What was that license plate
number? I'm playin' it."
358
00:20:13,124 --> 00:20:15,134
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
359
00:20:17,738 --> 00:20:23,178
"So, Caboodie got shot
six times on Fourth Street at 2:00.
360
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:25,572
"Six, four, two,
wheel the motherfucker."
361
00:20:25,615 --> 00:20:28,575
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
362
00:20:28,618 --> 00:20:31,098
There is nothin' worse
than when you go to play the numbers
363
00:20:31,142 --> 00:20:33,012
that have someone
workin' the lottery machine
364
00:20:33,057 --> 00:20:34,967
that don't
speak English, right?
365
00:20:35,016 --> 00:20:37,926
I went today.
I said to the guy, I said, "Six, two, eight."
366
00:20:37,975 --> 00:20:40,105
He went, "Six,
three, eight?"
367
00:20:40,151 --> 00:20:42,111
"No, stupid,
six, two, eight,
368
00:20:42,153 --> 00:20:44,773
"but play six, three, eight
in case it comes out now, okay?"
369
00:20:44,808 --> 00:20:46,588
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
370
00:20:52,729 --> 00:20:54,689
All right.
One more thing, man.
371
00:20:54,731 --> 00:20:57,041
Is this... Is this
your girl right here?
372
00:20:57,081 --> 00:20:58,741
Your friend? All right.
373
00:20:58,779 --> 00:21:01,299
Who's married here?
Anybody married in the house?
374
00:21:01,347 --> 00:21:02,737
All right. You two married?
375
00:21:02,783 --> 00:21:04,613
Don't lie.
I don't give a fuck.
376
00:21:04,654 --> 00:21:06,314
I saw that movie,
Indecent Proposal, the other night.
377
00:21:06,352 --> 00:21:08,572
You seen that?
378
00:21:08,615 --> 00:21:10,825
Guy offered another guy
a million dollars to sleep with his... His wife.
379
00:21:10,878 --> 00:21:12,708
Would you do that
for a million dollars?
380
00:21:12,749 --> 00:21:14,529
Fuck, you'd do it
for a Big Mac, you big motherfucker.
381
00:21:14,577 --> 00:21:16,447
Anyhow. Shit.
382
00:21:16,492 --> 00:21:17,892
Fuck. [LAUGHS]
383
00:21:17,928 --> 00:21:19,668
Big motherfucker.
Twinkie.
384
00:21:21,628 --> 00:21:23,408
This motherfucker.
385
00:21:23,456 --> 00:21:25,066
Let me tell you.
When I was married, someone gives me
386
00:21:25,109 --> 00:21:27,369
a million dollars for my wife,
a million dollars...
387
00:21:27,416 --> 00:21:30,546
Shit, let me tell you.
I'd push his ass as he's fuckin' her.
388
00:21:30,593 --> 00:21:33,343
"Fuck her harder.
Fuck that. Fuck that bitch."
389
00:21:33,379 --> 00:21:34,679
I'd grab his balls. "Fuck!
390
00:21:34,728 --> 00:21:37,508
"Fuck that bitch."
Good night. Thanks.
391
00:21:37,557 --> 00:21:39,597
[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
392
00:21:47,567 --> 00:21:49,477
Y'all, show your love
right there one more time.
393
00:21:49,525 --> 00:21:52,005
Rich Vos in the house.
394
00:21:52,049 --> 00:21:55,269
[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
395
00:21:55,314 --> 00:22:01,454
Well, you saw it.
You was here, history was made.
396
00:22:01,494 --> 00:22:04,114
First white dude on Def Jam.
397
00:22:04,148 --> 00:22:05,368
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]
398
00:22:05,411 --> 00:22:08,151
Now we even.
399
00:22:08,196 --> 00:22:09,846
[LAUGHING]
400
00:22:11,852 --> 00:22:13,382
Aight?AUDIENCE: Aight.
401
00:22:13,419 --> 00:22:15,199
That's what
I'm talkin' about.
402
00:22:15,246 --> 00:22:17,416
Y'all ready
for your next act, everybody say, "Yeah."
403
00:22:17,466 --> 00:22:19,556
AUDIENCE: Yeah.C'mon, y'all, can do
better than that.
404
00:22:19,599 --> 00:22:22,039
Everybody say, "Yeah."AUDIENCE: Yeah.
405
00:22:22,079 --> 00:22:24,039
This next brotha's
a good friend of mine.
406
00:22:24,081 --> 00:22:26,131
He is hysterically funny.
407
00:22:26,170 --> 00:22:29,390
He's in the house all the way
from Atlanta, Georgia.
408
00:22:29,435 --> 00:22:33,345
Y'all, show your love
for Arnez J.
409
00:22:33,395 --> 00:22:35,395
[MUSIC PLAYING][CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
410
00:22:41,098 --> 00:22:43,448
How you doin'?
How you doin'?
411
00:22:43,492 --> 00:22:45,582
Huh? Cool.
What's up, dawg?
412
00:22:49,585 --> 00:22:50,885
How's everybody doin'?
413
00:22:50,934 --> 00:22:52,284
Cool. Cool.AUDIENCE MEMBER: Aight.
414
00:22:56,592 --> 00:22:58,772
Does it look good? [LAUGHS]
415
00:22:58,812 --> 00:22:59,862
Whoo!
416
00:22:59,900 --> 00:23:02,730
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
417
00:23:02,772 --> 00:23:05,122
You know, people...
You know, people, first of all, I just...
418
00:23:05,166 --> 00:23:06,596
You know, I'd like to say
thank y'all for,
419
00:23:06,646 --> 00:23:08,466
you know, givin' me
a lot of love, being all...
420
00:23:08,517 --> 00:23:10,607
'Cause, you know...
421
00:23:10,650 --> 00:23:12,390
No, hold on.
Y'all goin' to make me cry.
422
00:23:14,828 --> 00:23:17,568
But, you know, people say
I be doin' strange things and I get crazy and stuff,
423
00:23:17,613 --> 00:23:19,533
but, you know,
that ain't true. I came out here dressed nice,
424
00:23:19,572 --> 00:23:21,752
you know, 'cause...
You know, I... You know, 'cause I don't...
425
00:23:21,791 --> 00:23:25,191
What's wrong with y'all?
Y'all be trippin'. Hey, y'all be...
426
00:23:25,229 --> 00:23:28,059
You know... But, you know,
but, I mean, we just got to...
427
00:23:28,102 --> 00:23:31,502
Oh, don't act like
ain't none of y'all ever seen one of these.
428
00:23:31,540 --> 00:23:35,850
Especially in the sixth
grade, you be goin'... [MUMBLING LOUDLY]
429
00:23:36,850 --> 00:23:39,330
[MUMBLING LOUDLY]
430
00:23:39,374 --> 00:23:40,594
[MUMBLING LOUDLY]
431
00:23:40,636 --> 00:23:42,596
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
432
00:23:42,638 --> 00:23:47,818
[MUMBLING LOUDLY] "Let's go!"
433
00:23:47,861 --> 00:23:50,651
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
434
00:23:50,690 --> 00:23:53,480
"Gotta go bathroom.
Gotta go bathroom
435
00:23:53,519 --> 00:23:56,039
"I go by myself.
I don't need nobody."
436
00:23:56,086 --> 00:23:57,386
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
437
00:23:57,436 --> 00:23:59,956
"I don't need no one.
438
00:24:00,003 --> 00:24:01,963
"You better calm down, yo."
439
00:24:02,005 --> 00:24:03,915
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
440
00:24:06,357 --> 00:24:10,577
You know, 'cause everybody...
Everybody got an uncle like this. Starts...
441
00:24:10,623 --> 00:24:13,583
Everybody got an uncle
be at the family reunion, "Hey, whatcha doin'?"
442
00:24:13,626 --> 00:24:14,796
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
443
00:24:14,844 --> 00:24:17,284
"Whatcha y'all doing out here?
444
00:24:17,325 --> 00:24:20,805
"Huh? Hey, girl, come here.
You know what?
445
00:24:20,850 --> 00:24:23,460
"And don't let him run.
Girl, come here. Come here a minute."
446
00:24:23,505 --> 00:24:25,325
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
447
00:24:26,116 --> 00:24:27,896
[LAUGHS]
448
00:24:27,944 --> 00:24:29,514
And he think he know
all them dances.
449
00:24:29,555 --> 00:24:32,245
"Oh, you don't
know nothin' 'bout this here.
450
00:24:32,296 --> 00:24:34,076
"Look out now.
451
00:24:34,124 --> 00:24:36,394
"See, it ain't me doin' this.
It's God doin' it. Look out."
452
00:24:36,431 --> 00:24:38,391
[LAUGHING]
453
00:24:39,826 --> 00:24:42,606
You... You...
454
00:24:43,873 --> 00:24:45,223
Wait a minute.
455
00:24:45,266 --> 00:24:47,176
Wait. Wait a minute.
Wait. Wait. Wait.
456
00:24:47,224 --> 00:24:48,704
Wait. I gotta do this
real quick.
457
00:24:48,748 --> 00:24:51,138
And remember
when bowlegged was in?
458
00:24:51,185 --> 00:24:54,135
Brother come up to you
and go, "Hey, girl, come here. You wanna talk to a nigga?"
459
00:24:54,188 --> 00:24:55,188
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
460
00:24:55,232 --> 00:24:56,842
"What you want, girl?"
461
00:24:56,886 --> 00:24:59,056
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
462
00:24:59,106 --> 00:25:01,626
"Girl, I used to run.
What up? You don't wanna talk to a nigga?"
463
00:25:03,763 --> 00:25:05,163
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
464
00:25:05,199 --> 00:25:07,769
"What? What'd you say?
Right. What, what?
465
00:25:07,810 --> 00:25:10,550
"You want some, girl.
You want nothin' in here.
466
00:25:10,596 --> 00:25:11,856
"Don't make me..."
467
00:25:11,901 --> 00:25:13,901
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
468
00:25:15,949 --> 00:25:17,519
"Come on over here."
469
00:25:20,606 --> 00:25:22,906
"Give me..." [VOCALIZING]
470
00:25:28,396 --> 00:25:30,786
"Oh, you just going to
knock me down, huh?"
471
00:25:30,833 --> 00:25:32,273
[VOCALIZING]
472
00:25:39,625 --> 00:25:41,405
They didn't believe
I'd do it. [LAUGHS]
473
00:25:41,452 --> 00:25:42,932
[AUDIENCE CHEERS]
474
00:25:42,976 --> 00:25:45,106
I might just do the rest
of the show like this.
475
00:25:47,502 --> 00:25:48,502
Dang.
476
00:25:50,592 --> 00:25:52,292
But y'all lookin' good.
477
00:25:53,290 --> 00:25:55,290
[LAUGHING]
478
00:25:58,557 --> 00:26:01,117
Girl right here lookin'
like Spider-Woman.
479
00:26:01,168 --> 00:26:02,558
I bet it's how you catch
your men too.
480
00:26:02,604 --> 00:26:04,264
"Hey, come here.
Don't you run." [VOCALIZES]
481
00:26:05,781 --> 00:26:07,481
"Nigga." [VOCALIZES]
482
00:26:07,522 --> 00:26:08,572
"Nigga, you better..."
483
00:26:10,307 --> 00:26:12,307
[EXCLAIMS]
484
00:26:15,965 --> 00:26:17,965
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
485
00:26:25,584 --> 00:26:27,284
My name is Arnez J.
I got to go, y'all.
486
00:26:27,324 --> 00:26:30,284
[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
487
00:26:38,161 --> 00:26:40,121
Y'all right there,
show your love one more time.
488
00:26:40,163 --> 00:26:44,343
Arnez J., Atlanta, Georgia,
489
00:26:44,385 --> 00:26:46,995
fall and took his pants off.
490
00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:48,740
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
491
00:26:50,957 --> 00:26:54,957
Well... Y'all,
we have had it all.
492
00:26:55,004 --> 00:26:58,014
It has been a stone-cold
gas. I've enjoyed myself
493
00:26:58,051 --> 00:26:59,971
and now the brotha
that has made it all happen,
494
00:27:00,009 --> 00:27:02,359
the man with
a vision from the beginning.
495
00:27:02,403 --> 00:27:06,193
Y'all, show your love
for Russell Simmons in the house.
496
00:27:06,233 --> 00:27:07,893
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
497
00:27:10,411 --> 00:27:12,981
Thank y'all for comin' out.
God bless you. Good night.
498
00:27:13,022 --> 00:27:15,162
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]
499
00:27:15,198 --> 00:27:16,548
[MUSIC PLAYING]
500
00:27:16,598 --> 00:27:21,148
Repair and Synchronization by
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