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1
00:00:05,657 --> 00:00:07,307
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
2
00:00:07,355 --> 00:00:08,915
KID CAPRI: Straight out
of New York City,
3
00:00:08,965 --> 00:00:12,525
it's the Russell Simmons'
Def Comedy All Star Jam.
4
00:00:33,337 --> 00:00:35,597
Put your hands
together for my man,
5
00:00:35,644 --> 00:00:38,784
Mr. Jamie Foxx.
6
00:00:42,433 --> 00:00:45,263
Come on. Come on.
Come on. Come On.
7
00:00:45,306 --> 00:00:49,916
Come on. Come On.
Come on. Come On.
8
00:00:49,962 --> 00:00:52,442
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
9
00:01:02,192 --> 00:01:05,502
Whoo! Yeah, what's up?
10
00:01:05,543 --> 00:01:07,553
Make some noise, baby.
11
00:01:07,589 --> 00:01:09,069
Make some noise.
12
00:01:16,598 --> 00:01:18,818
I know that cost some money.
13
00:01:18,861 --> 00:01:20,341
Here, hold this.
You hold this.
14
00:01:20,384 --> 00:01:22,134
Now I'm going
to watch your ass, too.
15
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,393
How y'all doing?
16
00:01:24,432 --> 00:01:28,262
When I say, "Hey",
you say, "Ho." Hey.
17
00:01:28,305 --> 00:01:30,125
AUDIENCE: Ho.Hey.
18
00:01:30,177 --> 00:01:32,527
AUDIENCE: Ho.When I say "Want some",
you say "More."
19
00:01:32,570 --> 00:01:33,750
Want some.AUDIENCE: More.
20
00:01:33,789 --> 00:01:35,309
Want some.AUDIENCE: More.
21
00:01:35,356 --> 00:01:37,096
[STAMMERS] "More?"
22
00:01:37,140 --> 00:01:38,660
You're like,
"Want some more."
23
00:01:42,885 --> 00:01:44,055
[IMITATING WHITE MAN] "Yeah.
24
00:01:45,453 --> 00:01:47,673
"Boy, you really do it.
Son of a bitch."
25
00:01:48,369 --> 00:01:49,369
[LAUGHS]
26
00:01:51,241 --> 00:01:53,551
"Son of a bitch."
27
00:01:53,591 --> 00:01:56,421
It's good to see white people
smiling and everything. It's cool.
28
00:01:56,464 --> 00:01:58,774
Give it up for
the white people. Y'all brave motherfuckers.
29
00:02:01,251 --> 00:02:04,521
'Cause after that O.J. shit
they was madder than a motherfucker, wasn't they?
30
00:02:04,559 --> 00:02:05,999
"This is an outrage!
31
00:02:06,952 --> 00:02:08,692
"Son of a fucking orange."
32
00:02:09,607 --> 00:02:10,697
[CHUCKLES]
33
00:02:10,739 --> 00:02:12,919
"Fucking orange juice.
34
00:02:12,958 --> 00:02:14,868
"Juicy."
35
00:02:14,917 --> 00:02:16,747
Y'all was turning in
your Hertz Rent A Cars
36
00:02:16,788 --> 00:02:18,528
and everything.
"I don't want this shit.
37
00:02:20,749 --> 00:02:22,009
"Fucking juicy."
38
00:02:22,968 --> 00:02:24,448
[CHUCKLES]
39
00:02:24,492 --> 00:02:25,932
And brothers was partying
like a motherfucker.
40
00:02:25,971 --> 00:02:28,761
"O.J.!"
41
00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:30,670
Trip. Trip. Trip.
Give it up for ya...
42
00:02:30,715 --> 00:02:32,015
I just got back from Africa.
43
00:02:33,109 --> 00:02:35,199
Give it up, baby.
44
00:02:35,242 --> 00:02:37,722
Give it up, baby.
Come on, now.
45
00:02:37,766 --> 00:02:40,026
Give it up. Give it up.
46
00:02:41,465 --> 00:02:43,465
[BEATBOXES]
47
00:02:47,776 --> 00:02:49,816
[AUDIENCE CLAPS ALONG]
48
00:02:52,737 --> 00:02:54,037
And that's just
in the airport.
49
00:02:55,827 --> 00:02:57,787
They be getting it, man.
50
00:02:57,829 --> 00:02:59,439
They be getting it.
And the music over there...
51
00:02:59,483 --> 00:03:01,533
[VOCALIZING]
52
00:03:03,835 --> 00:03:04,835
Come on.
53
00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:05,880
[CONTINUES VOCALIZING]
54
00:03:07,012 --> 00:03:08,492
[EXCLAIMS]
55
00:03:09,624 --> 00:03:11,104
Make you want to hunt, boy.
56
00:03:12,844 --> 00:03:15,114
Africa, man. Africa.
57
00:03:15,151 --> 00:03:18,071
But you know it's crazy
because over in Africa, they've got drive-bys now.
58
00:03:18,110 --> 00:03:21,030
Ain't that some shit?
Drive-bys in Africa.
59
00:03:21,070 --> 00:03:22,990
Ain't that some shit?
Only they do it different over there.
60
00:03:23,028 --> 00:03:25,158
They be like...
[MIMICS ENGINE RUNNING, TIRES SCREECHING]
61
00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:26,945
[MIMES BLOWING DART,
ENGINE RUNNING]
62
00:03:29,339 --> 00:03:30,379
[IN AFRICAN ACCENT]
Did we get him?
63
00:03:31,776 --> 00:03:35,296
I'm hauling 187...
No, just kidding.
64
00:03:35,345 --> 00:03:37,255
But you know, drive-bys
are crazy over here too, man.
65
00:03:37,304 --> 00:03:39,524
We've got to like start
talking to these kids, you know, and stuff.
66
00:03:39,567 --> 00:03:42,307
Try to, you know,
get them back on the path and stuff.
67
00:03:43,701 --> 00:03:47,011
Because drive-bys
are getting crazy, man.
68
00:03:47,052 --> 00:03:48,492
'Cause I was in L.A.,
man, and they,
69
00:03:48,532 --> 00:03:50,142
you know, they shot
at this guy, you know,
70
00:03:50,186 --> 00:03:52,276
'cause they thought he was
throwing up gang signs.
71
00:03:52,319 --> 00:03:55,369
But you know
he was just signing.
72
00:03:55,409 --> 00:03:57,279
No, I'm serious.
He was talking.
73
00:03:57,324 --> 00:03:59,594
As he was talking to
somebody, he was like... He was deaf.
74
00:03:59,630 --> 00:04:01,810
And the brothers thought
he was throwing up gang signs so they shot at him.
75
00:04:01,850 --> 00:04:02,940
Ain't that fucked up?
76
00:04:02,981 --> 00:04:04,201
Shot at him.
And he's just talking,
77
00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:07,994
"You know what I
had said was...
78
00:04:08,030 --> 00:04:09,210
"No. No. I said..."
[MIMICS GUNSHOT]
79
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:10,289
"Hey!
80
00:04:10,337 --> 00:04:12,297
"What the fuck, man?
81
00:04:12,339 --> 00:04:13,779
"You shooting?
82
00:04:13,818 --> 00:04:16,078
"That's bullshit, man.
83
00:04:18,997 --> 00:04:20,517
"That's some bullshit.
84
00:04:21,609 --> 00:04:23,129
"I know they not tripping.
85
00:04:28,355 --> 00:04:30,915
"You better blow
that shit out."
86
00:04:30,966 --> 00:04:32,226
[CHUCKLES]
87
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:34,272
Man. But you know
it's crazy. You know...
88
00:04:34,317 --> 00:04:35,967
And guys I want
to tell you this, you know,
89
00:04:36,014 --> 00:04:38,064
start respecting, you know,
your women and everything.
90
00:04:38,103 --> 00:04:39,583
Fellas, respect your women.
91
00:04:42,369 --> 00:04:44,149
Respect your women.
92
00:04:44,196 --> 00:04:46,236
And be respectful.
Ladies, you be respectful
93
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:48,106
because y'all...
Look at you. Y'all don't even want...
94
00:04:49,811 --> 00:04:51,941
Go on and clap.
Be respectful.
95
00:04:51,987 --> 00:04:54,557
'Cause that's what happened
with all that O.J. shit... You know, 'cause it was...
96
00:04:54,598 --> 00:04:57,118
The fact of it is,
is that if somebody seeing somebody else
97
00:04:57,166 --> 00:04:59,336
or somebody's
dating somebody, you let them know.
98
00:04:59,386 --> 00:05:01,996
You know there was
that whole, you know, relationship triangle shit.
99
00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:03,910
If you got a man
or you got a woman,
100
00:05:03,955 --> 00:05:05,775
let somebody know.
'Cause some of y'all in here right now
101
00:05:05,827 --> 00:05:08,177
with somebody else's shit.
102
00:05:08,220 --> 00:05:11,750
And they come in here,
they going to shoot everybody. [MIMICS GUNSHOTS]
103
00:05:11,789 --> 00:05:13,139
Where you at?
104
00:05:13,182 --> 00:05:14,442
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
105
00:05:14,488 --> 00:05:16,838
Let them know.
Fellas, you know that.
106
00:05:16,881 --> 00:05:20,281
Ladies, let a brother know
if you got somebody, say, "I want to give you this.
107
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,230
"But I can't
right now 'cause...
108
00:05:24,280 --> 00:05:27,020
"I got a man.
He ain't shit. He ain't worth a shit.
109
00:05:27,065 --> 00:05:29,235
"You know, he don't work.
He don't come home when he supposed to,
110
00:05:29,285 --> 00:05:32,195
"or anything like that
and he don't respect me like he should,
111
00:05:32,244 --> 00:05:33,864
"and all that shit.
But I love him.
112
00:05:33,898 --> 00:05:35,468
"He's my man.
He's raggedy as a motherfucker,
113
00:05:35,509 --> 00:05:37,469
"but I love his raggedy ass."
114
00:05:37,511 --> 00:05:39,471
And you're like,
"I want to give you this."
115
00:05:39,513 --> 00:05:41,173
[MAKES WHOOSHING NOISES]
116
00:05:44,300 --> 00:05:48,090
And fellas,
you do the same thing with your trifling asses.
117
00:05:48,130 --> 00:05:51,260
And I'm with you
'cause I ain't worth a shit either.
118
00:05:51,307 --> 00:05:52,607
You know,
I'll tell you in a minute.
119
00:05:52,656 --> 00:05:53,956
But fellas you tell,
you know, ladies,
120
00:05:54,005 --> 00:05:56,565
"Hey, I want
to give you this."
121
00:05:56,617 --> 00:05:58,137
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
122
00:05:58,183 --> 00:06:00,323
Well, some of y'all...
[MAKES WHOOSHING NOISE]
123
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:01,840
[AUDIENCE GROANS]
124
00:06:01,883 --> 00:06:03,493
[MAKES TWANGING NOISE]
125
00:06:06,844 --> 00:06:10,284
Like a doorstop and shit.
[CONTINUES TWANGING NOISE]
126
00:06:10,326 --> 00:06:12,416
"I want to give you
that, but I can't 'cause I got lady.
127
00:06:12,459 --> 00:06:14,849
"I don't know why
she like me. I ain't shit. I ain't worth a damn.
128
00:06:14,896 --> 00:06:16,846
"But she loves me."
And you let them know.
129
00:06:16,898 --> 00:06:18,988
That's what I'm saying.
And ladies, say what's on your mind.
130
00:06:19,030 --> 00:06:20,640
Because you know,
like when I want to get at a lady I'm straight,
131
00:06:20,684 --> 00:06:21,864
you know, straight forward.
132
00:06:21,903 --> 00:06:23,213
I don't be
bullshitting around.
133
00:06:23,252 --> 00:06:25,172
You know, I'm like,
"Hey I saw you.
134
00:06:25,210 --> 00:06:27,470
"You know, you was
at the show. You was laughing and stuff,
135
00:06:27,517 --> 00:06:30,167
"and I just thought maybe
you could come back to the hotel and shit,
136
00:06:30,215 --> 00:06:31,735
"and, uh, I could hit it."
137
00:06:43,838 --> 00:06:45,358
Okay. Fuck it.
I was checking you out.
138
00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:46,875
You was laughing
and shit.
139
00:06:46,928 --> 00:06:48,888
You know, I was just
wondering if you would...
140
00:06:48,930 --> 00:06:51,500
You'll get one,
you just... That's all you need, is one.
141
00:06:51,541 --> 00:06:53,541
Because I hate it
when ladies do shit like this.
142
00:06:53,587 --> 00:06:55,937
When ladies...
You try to get at them and the lady say,
143
00:06:55,980 --> 00:06:59,900
"Oh, I usually don't do this.
144
00:06:59,941 --> 00:07:02,471
"I'm serious. I usually
don't do this. I am serious.
145
00:07:02,509 --> 00:07:04,029
"I usually don't do this.
146
00:07:04,075 --> 00:07:07,425
"I swear. I usually
don't do this. I swear.
147
00:07:07,470 --> 00:07:08,820
"But it's something
about you, Jamie.
148
00:07:08,863 --> 00:07:10,523
"You just so funny
and everything, you know,
149
00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:12,690
"you just make me
feel so comfortable."
150
00:07:12,736 --> 00:07:14,166
I be like, "Really?
151
00:07:14,216 --> 00:07:16,216
"Yeah, you want to go up
to the room for a second?"
152
00:07:16,261 --> 00:07:18,611
[LAUGHS] "I don't be going
up to nobody's..."
153
00:07:18,655 --> 00:07:20,045
[MAKES A CREAKING SOUND]
154
00:07:25,619 --> 00:07:28,399
"This is a nice room.
155
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:30,448
"But I usually don't...
You can ask Rachelle and them.
156
00:07:30,493 --> 00:07:32,193
"I don't be doing this.
I swear to God. I don't be doing this.
157
00:07:32,234 --> 00:07:33,584
"But it's something
about you, Jamie.
158
00:07:33,627 --> 00:07:35,627
"You just make me
feel so comfortable."
159
00:07:35,672 --> 00:07:37,892
"Yeah, well you want
something to drink or something, you know?"
160
00:07:37,935 --> 00:07:40,235
[LAUGHS] "I ain't had
a drink in about..." [SLURPS]
161
00:07:40,285 --> 00:07:41,495
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
162
00:07:41,548 --> 00:07:43,718
[COUGHS] "Oh,
is that Tanqueray?"
163
00:07:43,767 --> 00:07:44,767
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
164
00:07:46,509 --> 00:07:49,339
"Oh, that shit make me crazy.
165
00:07:49,381 --> 00:07:50,911
"I normally don't drink
like this, Jamie,
166
00:07:50,948 --> 00:07:53,818
"but you make me feel
so comfortable."
167
00:07:53,864 --> 00:07:56,304
"Yeah, well why don't
you sit on the bed for a second, you know?"
168
00:07:56,345 --> 00:07:58,215
"On your bed?
169
00:07:58,260 --> 00:08:00,130
"I don't be sitting
on nobody's bed and stuff, you know,
170
00:08:00,175 --> 00:08:02,345
"'cause I just usually
don't do no shit like that."
171
00:08:02,394 --> 00:08:04,484
"You know, but it's,
it's... Uh-oh.
172
00:08:05,572 --> 00:08:06,792
"Is this the Porta-Pedic?
173
00:08:08,966 --> 00:08:11,266
"I usually wouldn't sit down,
but this is a Porta-Pedic
174
00:08:11,316 --> 00:08:14,096
"so I'll sit on this
just 'cause it's a Porta-Pedic.
175
00:08:14,145 --> 00:08:15,965
"I ain't never sat on no
Porta-Pedic, I swear.
176
00:08:16,017 --> 00:08:17,797
"But it's something
about you, Jamie.
177
00:08:17,845 --> 00:08:19,885
"You just make me
feel so..."AUDIENCE: Comfortable!
178
00:08:19,934 --> 00:08:22,374
"So I'm gonna sit right here.
179
00:08:22,414 --> 00:08:25,074
"But don't you be
trying no bullshit.
180
00:08:25,113 --> 00:08:27,123
"I'm gonna sit right here
on the edge.
181
00:08:27,158 --> 00:08:28,458
"Don't be tryin' to...
182
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:30,418
"This is nice.
183
00:08:30,466 --> 00:08:31,856
"Porta-Pedic and stuff."
184
00:08:31,902 --> 00:08:34,432
"Yeah, you want me
to rub your shoulders?"
185
00:08:34,470 --> 00:08:35,520
"I am kind of tight."
186
00:08:37,908 --> 00:08:39,518
"Not for long."
"What you say?"
187
00:08:39,562 --> 00:08:41,352
"I said, don't get me wrong.
Don't get me wrong.
188
00:08:44,045 --> 00:08:45,655
"But first you got to
back up a little bit."
189
00:08:45,699 --> 00:08:46,999
"Back up?"
190
00:08:47,048 --> 00:08:49,698
"Yeah, back up to me."
"Right here?"
191
00:08:49,746 --> 00:08:51,486
"Yeah, a little bit further."
192
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:52,531
"Right here?"
193
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:54,753
"Come on back a little bit."
194
00:08:54,795 --> 00:08:57,185
"Right here?"
"Yeah."
195
00:08:57,232 --> 00:08:58,362
"Hey.
196
00:08:59,843 --> 00:09:01,803
"For real though...
197
00:09:03,412 --> 00:09:04,762
"Just rub my shoulders."
198
00:09:04,805 --> 00:09:06,545
"Ain't it kind of
hot in here?"
199
00:09:06,589 --> 00:09:08,329
"It is kind of hot.
I'm just going to take this top part off.
200
00:09:08,373 --> 00:09:11,253
"But you know, I usually don't
do no shit like this, Jamie.
201
00:09:11,289 --> 00:09:12,729
"But I'm going to take
this top part off.
202
00:09:12,769 --> 00:09:14,119
"But you mind your manners.
I don't do this,
203
00:09:14,162 --> 00:09:16,122
"but you just make
me feel so..."
204
00:09:16,164 --> 00:09:17,344
AUDIENCE: Comfortable.
205
00:09:17,382 --> 00:09:19,382
"So you watch out, now.
206
00:09:19,428 --> 00:09:21,598
"Ooh. Ouch.
207
00:09:21,648 --> 00:09:23,038
"Mmm, mmm-hmm.
208
00:09:24,259 --> 00:09:25,389
"Ooh.
209
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,866
"Ooh, your hands so strong.
210
00:09:28,916 --> 00:09:31,956
"Ooh, they so strong.
Your hands is strong.
211
00:09:32,006 --> 00:09:33,826
"Ooh, you got so much
strength in your hands.
212
00:09:33,877 --> 00:09:36,357
"Ooh. Ooh. Uh-uh, Jamie,
don't touch my titty,
213
00:09:36,401 --> 00:09:38,401
"you going to make me
start doing something I don't want to do.
214
00:09:38,447 --> 00:09:40,277
"Now Jamie, you better
stop that, Jamie.
215
00:09:40,318 --> 00:09:43,838
"You better stop..."[MUSIC PLAYING]
216
00:09:52,461 --> 00:09:53,461
[CHUCKLES]
217
00:10:01,557 --> 00:10:02,817
"Oh, shit."
218
00:10:04,429 --> 00:10:06,909
"I normally don't do this."
219
00:10:06,954 --> 00:10:09,784
"But you make me feel so..."AUDIENCE: Comfortable.
220
00:10:09,826 --> 00:10:12,656
Yeah. Y'all ready
for some comedy?
221
00:10:12,699 --> 00:10:14,089
Give it up
for Kid Capri.
222
00:10:15,266 --> 00:10:18,226
And give it up
for homie, Affion.
223
00:10:18,269 --> 00:10:20,319
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
224
00:10:27,757 --> 00:10:30,407
Damn. Boy, I'll tell you,
I love dancing.
225
00:10:31,369 --> 00:10:33,069
I'm going to tell you why.
226
00:10:33,110 --> 00:10:35,420
Dancing is powerful.
227
00:10:35,460 --> 00:10:37,380
Especially back in the day,
228
00:10:37,419 --> 00:10:41,639
in the '70s,
if a brother could dance like John Travolta
229
00:10:41,684 --> 00:10:45,514
or Rerun
from What's Happening!!, he could start up any party.
230
00:10:45,557 --> 00:10:47,387
He come in there like,
231
00:10:47,429 --> 00:10:50,349
"Oh, y'all just going to
stand around? DJ."
232
00:10:52,695 --> 00:10:55,435
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
233
00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:57,400
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
234
00:11:14,369 --> 00:11:17,549
Now that brother
will set that party off.
235
00:11:17,589 --> 00:11:19,329
He will have
everybody in there dancing.
236
00:11:19,374 --> 00:11:21,684
The party be looking like
the painting from Good Times.
237
00:11:30,602 --> 00:11:33,692
Oh, shit.
That was back in the day
238
00:11:33,736 --> 00:11:34,996
when times were good.
239
00:11:35,825 --> 00:11:38,085
The bad thing was
240
00:11:38,132 --> 00:11:40,792
my family was broke as hell.
241
00:11:40,830 --> 00:11:42,790
Wrote a poem about it.
Like to hear it?
242
00:11:42,832 --> 00:11:43,882
AUDIENCE: Yeah.
243
00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:44,970
Here it go.
244
00:11:47,097 --> 00:11:49,227
Damn, we broke
than a son of a bitch.
245
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:54,191
TV with no knobs,
no color and no pitch.
246
00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:57,625
But a TV was the only thing
we ever kept on
247
00:11:57,673 --> 00:12:01,243
because the stereo
and speakers all had to be pawned.
248
00:12:01,285 --> 00:12:04,805
Now was I the only broke kid
in the hood with no hype
249
00:12:04,854 --> 00:12:08,474
or was everyone frontin',
wearing Adidas with four stripes?
250
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:18,515
I'll tell you what.
I watched so much TV
251
00:12:18,563 --> 00:12:20,783
I have bad dreams
about it now.
252
00:12:20,827 --> 00:12:25,177
The other day I dreamed
that I was joy-riding with Beavis and Butt-Head.
253
00:12:25,222 --> 00:12:27,832
I'm in the back seat, man.
They up front like this,
254
00:12:27,877 --> 00:12:29,707
"Uh... [CHUCKLES]
255
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:31,269
"Uh... [CHUCKLES]
256
00:12:31,315 --> 00:12:34,185
"Hey, Beavis, we're speeding."
257
00:12:34,231 --> 00:12:36,581
"Yeah, yeah, faster,
Butt-Head. Faster."
258
00:12:36,625 --> 00:12:38,705
"Settle down, butt-munch.
259
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:40,928
"I'll kick your ass.
[CHUCKLES]"
260
00:12:42,022 --> 00:12:43,852
Oh, that ain't funny,
261
00:12:43,893 --> 00:12:45,423
because we got
pulled by a cop.
262
00:12:45,460 --> 00:12:47,030
You know who the cop was?
263
00:12:47,070 --> 00:12:48,860
Bernie Mac.
264
00:12:48,898 --> 00:12:51,158
[AUDIENCE GROANS]Bernie gets out
of the car like this.
265
00:12:51,205 --> 00:12:52,205
[MIMICS DOOR CLOSING]
266
00:12:53,468 --> 00:12:55,468
[AUDIENCE CHEERS]
267
00:12:58,690 --> 00:12:59,780
[IMITATING BERNIE MAC]
"Thank you, God damn it.
268
00:13:02,694 --> 00:13:04,444
"Excuse me, fellas,
269
00:13:04,479 --> 00:13:06,569
"but do you recall
how fast you were going?"
270
00:13:11,399 --> 00:13:13,839
"Uh, no.
271
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:16,490
"But I'll bet you were
going the same speed when you pulled us over."
272
00:13:19,537 --> 00:13:21,537
"I ain't scared
of you motherfuckers.
273
00:13:25,892 --> 00:13:29,682
"I'm gonna tell you
right now, I ain't come here for no foolishness.
274
00:13:29,721 --> 00:13:34,381
"Reggie, put a handcuff
on them, we're taking them to jail.
275
00:13:34,422 --> 00:13:36,642
"Mac got a big jailhouse.
Say it."
276
00:13:48,436 --> 00:13:52,956
The dream is not over,
because we went to jail.
277
00:13:53,006 --> 00:13:55,616
But I went to the hospital
the next day
278
00:13:55,660 --> 00:13:58,710
because my cellmate tried
to burn me in my sleep.
279
00:13:58,750 --> 00:14:00,450
He was waiting on me, too.
280
00:14:00,491 --> 00:14:02,231
I went in there, man,
and he was like this.
281
00:14:03,755 --> 00:14:05,665
"Everyone remain calm!
282
00:14:06,584 --> 00:14:09,204
"I am a fire marshal."
283
00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:22,080
That's my time.
My name is Affion.
284
00:14:33,220 --> 00:14:35,700
All right. Yeah.
Y'all ready for some comedy?
285
00:14:35,744 --> 00:14:37,704
AUDIENCE: Yeah.FOXX: All right. Let's
give it up for this dude.
286
00:14:37,746 --> 00:14:39,136
He's coming out
of Chicago, Illinois.
287
00:14:39,182 --> 00:14:41,662
Please welcome Corey Holcomb.
288
00:14:41,706 --> 00:14:43,706
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
289
00:14:45,710 --> 00:14:46,710
[INAUDIBLE EXCHANGE]
290
00:14:48,191 --> 00:14:49,931
What's up?
Hey, what's up?
291
00:14:49,976 --> 00:14:51,926
I'm gonna hop right into it.
292
00:14:51,978 --> 00:14:53,938
I want to talk about
something I know everybody can relate to.
293
00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:58,330
Anybody got like
a cousin or a homie or a friend or a neighbor
294
00:14:58,375 --> 00:15:00,675
or somebody you know
295
00:15:00,725 --> 00:15:02,765
who keep a nasty-ass house?
296
00:15:02,814 --> 00:15:04,514
AUDIENCE: Yes.
297
00:15:04,555 --> 00:15:05,945
You know them
motherfuckers house just be nasty
298
00:15:05,992 --> 00:15:08,432
every time you go up
in that motherfucker?
299
00:15:08,472 --> 00:15:10,172
Some of y'all probably
with their ass tonight,
300
00:15:10,213 --> 00:15:11,953
so you can't speak up
like you want to.
301
00:15:14,043 --> 00:15:16,873
Man, I got a homie, man.
My boy, man!
302
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:20,046
Man, their house...
First of all, he's a dirty motherfucker.
303
00:15:20,093 --> 00:15:21,663
You know the...
Y'all remember them guys
304
00:15:21,703 --> 00:15:23,923
used to run around all week
with that white T-shirt on?
305
00:15:23,966 --> 00:15:26,656
And they get
that yellow stuff under the arm?
306
00:15:26,708 --> 00:15:28,358
Well, he had that
on his leather jacket.
307
00:15:28,405 --> 00:15:30,185
[CHUCKLES][AUDIENCE GROANS]
308
00:15:30,233 --> 00:15:31,843
Dirty motherfucker. Damn.
309
00:15:31,887 --> 00:15:34,107
You know...
You know... Run around,
310
00:15:34,150 --> 00:15:35,850
don't take baths...
311
00:15:35,891 --> 00:15:39,201
You ever see them people,
wax be running all out their ear?
312
00:15:39,242 --> 00:15:42,032
Man, he had...
Man, his ear... I ain't... Look,
313
00:15:42,071 --> 00:15:44,031
he had so much
wax in his ear,
314
00:15:44,769 --> 00:15:46,899
if you had a Q-tip
315
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:49,686
and dug it in his ear
and pulled it out,
316
00:15:49,731 --> 00:15:51,081
you'll have
a sugar daddy.
317
00:15:53,300 --> 00:15:55,430
And it...
Man, just dirty.
318
00:15:55,476 --> 00:15:57,906
And their house,
I don't even know where to begin talking about...
319
00:15:57,957 --> 00:15:59,517
House just nasty.
320
00:15:59,567 --> 00:16:01,917
Stink.
321
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:04,051
Sort of smells like they
was burning a chitlin incense up in that motherfucker.
322
00:16:08,793 --> 00:16:10,753
Just a nasty-ass... [LAUGHS]
323
00:16:10,795 --> 00:16:13,055
Dude, and they got...
Y'all ever go up their house?
324
00:16:13,102 --> 00:16:14,932
Them people with them
old, nasty apartments
325
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:17,724
and they usually got
one of them old bathrooms.
326
00:16:17,759 --> 00:16:21,279
You know you go up in there
and the tub still be on four legs?
327
00:16:21,328 --> 00:16:24,068
You know, you could sweep
under that motherfucker?
328
00:16:24,113 --> 00:16:27,203
And they got
the old sink in there with the double faucet.
329
00:16:27,247 --> 00:16:30,377
You know where the hot water
come out this side
330
00:16:30,424 --> 00:16:32,864
and the cold water
come out this side.
331
00:16:32,904 --> 00:16:35,564
To keep from burning
your hand, you got to switch your shit back?
332
00:16:35,603 --> 00:16:37,343
"Ahh! Ahh!"
333
00:16:40,477 --> 00:16:42,087
I'm gonna tell
the ladies something.
334
00:16:42,131 --> 00:16:44,661
Ladies, I want to put y'all
up on something about men.
335
00:16:44,699 --> 00:16:48,919
Did y'all know that every man
in here could easily go three months without having sex?
336
00:16:48,964 --> 00:16:52,454
No. No. Let me tell y'all
something y'all don't know.
337
00:16:52,489 --> 00:16:55,139
Every man got a woman
on the side.
338
00:16:55,188 --> 00:16:57,058
I'm telling ya.
I don't care who he is.
339
00:16:57,103 --> 00:16:59,243
Every man got
a woman on the side.
340
00:16:59,279 --> 00:17:03,239
But don't get mad
'cause I ain't talking about, like, another female,
341
00:17:03,283 --> 00:17:05,113
I'm talking about that person,
you know, fellas
342
00:17:05,154 --> 00:17:07,074
the one you messin'
around with all the time?
343
00:17:07,896 --> 00:17:10,376
Her.
344
00:17:10,420 --> 00:17:13,640
I ain't going to front.
This is my main squeeze. You know what I'm saying?
345
00:17:13,684 --> 00:17:16,434
Whenever my woman be,
"Oh, all right. You don't want to give me none?
346
00:17:16,470 --> 00:17:19,910
"Fuck you, then.
Put your coat on, baby.
347
00:17:19,951 --> 00:17:22,081
"We going to the Holiday Inn
in this motherfucker."
348
00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:25,740
I like to...
I like to ball up
349
00:17:25,783 --> 00:17:27,793
and draw that
little face on her.
350
00:17:27,829 --> 00:17:29,789
[CHUCKLES]
351
00:17:29,831 --> 00:17:33,311
And talk a little shit to her
before I get with her.
352
00:17:33,356 --> 00:17:35,396
[CHUCKLING]
353
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:44,670
"Yeah. You want this dick,
don't you?"
354
00:17:48,328 --> 00:17:50,158
"Me so horny."
355
00:17:51,505 --> 00:17:52,805
"All right girl, go to work."
356
00:17:53,376 --> 00:17:55,156
[LAUGHS]
357
00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:57,465
Whoo!
358
00:17:57,511 --> 00:17:59,171
"Hey, let me hit that
shit from the back."
359
00:17:59,208 --> 00:18:00,688
[LAUGHS]
360
00:18:05,736 --> 00:18:07,126
Oh, man.
361
00:18:09,740 --> 00:18:10,960
I'm gonna wrap it up,
though, man.
362
00:18:11,002 --> 00:18:13,532
I want to talk about
something, man. Man.
363
00:18:13,570 --> 00:18:15,400
I went to this church, right?
364
00:18:15,442 --> 00:18:17,102
Man, it was this preacher.
365
00:18:17,139 --> 00:18:19,839
His name was
Reverend Sleeparound.
366
00:18:19,881 --> 00:18:22,491
He was cold, though.
Fellas, if you'd have been in his church,
367
00:18:22,536 --> 00:18:24,446
you'd have been jumping up
and down in the aisles,
368
00:18:24,494 --> 00:18:26,764
'cause he talked about
something that hit home with a lot of brothers.
369
00:18:26,801 --> 00:18:29,201
You know how he came out...
You know how them Baptist preachers come out.
370
00:18:29,238 --> 00:18:31,368
He was like...
371
00:18:31,414 --> 00:18:35,384
♪ Well, I want to talk
to y'all this morning
372
00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:40,080
♪ About a problem in my life.
373
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:44,209
♪ It's a problem that dwells
with a lot of men
374
00:18:44,253 --> 00:18:45,953
♪ Backstabs you like a knife
375
00:18:47,604 --> 00:18:49,874
♪ Goes deep into
your pocket books
376
00:18:50,912 --> 00:18:53,922
♪ Puts you in a financial bind
377
00:18:53,958 --> 00:18:57,478
♪ It's a problem that ain't
never going nowhere
378
00:18:57,527 --> 00:19:00,527
♪ It's with you for a lifetime
379
00:19:00,574 --> 00:19:04,674
♪ I'm not talking about
drugs and alcohol
380
00:19:04,708 --> 00:19:07,578
♪ Compared,
that's a light drama
381
00:19:07,624 --> 00:19:11,804
♪ See, a man's biggest burden
382
00:19:11,846 --> 00:19:13,196
♪ Is his baby's mama.
383
00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:17,585
♪ Well...
[LAUGHS]
384
00:19:19,810 --> 00:19:22,770
Hey, I'm Corey Holcomb
from Chicago.
385
00:19:22,813 --> 00:19:25,563
Peace![HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
386
00:19:31,692 --> 00:19:32,952
Keep it going.
Keep it going.
387
00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:39,920
Let's give it up.
From Twin City, Georgia,
388
00:19:39,961 --> 00:19:41,961
let's give it up
for this lady.
389
00:19:42,006 --> 00:19:43,436
Y'all ready for
a female comedian?
390
00:19:43,486 --> 00:19:45,656
Come on, give it up
for a female.
391
00:19:45,706 --> 00:19:46,876
Give it up for a female.
392
00:19:46,924 --> 00:19:49,284
Let's give it up for
Barbara Carlyle.
393
00:19:49,318 --> 00:19:51,318
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
394
00:19:57,674 --> 00:19:59,984
All right. All right.
395
00:20:00,024 --> 00:20:03,644
Whoo, ain't it something
about that music make you want to move your pelvis?
396
00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:06,810
Oh, don't y'all front.
Y'all know y'all mamas dance like that and shit.
397
00:20:07,945 --> 00:20:09,075
Soon as they get drunk.
398
00:20:10,861 --> 00:20:13,471
Now, since I do a clean set,
399
00:20:13,516 --> 00:20:16,036
I know I got to do
a few proverbial "Fuck you's"
400
00:20:16,084 --> 00:20:17,434
to make some of y'all
feel at home.
401
00:20:18,826 --> 00:20:20,606
So fuck you.
402
00:20:22,438 --> 00:20:23,478
Fuck you.
403
00:20:24,353 --> 00:20:25,963
Fuck you.
404
00:20:26,007 --> 00:20:28,307
And you fuck me.
[GRUNTS]
405
00:20:35,146 --> 00:20:37,706
Now, y'all all heard
old-time bedtime stories.
406
00:20:37,758 --> 00:20:39,888
I'd like to give you
the modern versions.
407
00:20:39,934 --> 00:20:43,114
Little Red Riding Hood
was walking through the woods one day.
408
00:20:43,154 --> 00:20:44,944
Big Bad Wolf jumped out
the bushes and said,
409
00:20:44,982 --> 00:20:47,072
"Little Red Riding Hood,
410
00:20:47,115 --> 00:20:49,245
"when I catch ya,
I'm gonna throw you down and fuck you to death."
411
00:20:51,075 --> 00:20:53,595
Little Red Riding Hood said,
"No, you ain't.
412
00:20:53,643 --> 00:20:55,253
"You gone eat me
just like the book say."
413
00:21:07,570 --> 00:21:09,050
Now y'all know when
they make the movie,
414
00:21:09,093 --> 00:21:11,573
I'm gonna play the part
of Little Red Riding Hood.
415
00:21:11,618 --> 00:21:13,318
We ain't even got to go
to Grandma's house.
416
00:21:13,359 --> 00:21:15,709
Do the shit right
there in the forest.
417
00:21:15,752 --> 00:21:17,582
Ain't no use of wasting
a whole day taping.
418
00:21:19,321 --> 00:21:22,501
And relationships are
fucked up these days.
419
00:21:22,542 --> 00:21:25,112
And see, it's because
of bad experiences
420
00:21:25,153 --> 00:21:26,983
that I don't suck dick
no more. No, I don't.
421
00:21:27,982 --> 00:21:29,682
I gave it up.
422
00:21:29,723 --> 00:21:32,863
And this the second time
I gave it up.
423
00:21:32,900 --> 00:21:36,690
Oh, I was sucking dick
long before it became fashionable.
424
00:21:36,730 --> 00:21:40,120
Now everybody doing it.
It's like a spectator sport.
425
00:21:40,168 --> 00:21:42,338
But I didn't give it up
'cause everybody was doing it.
426
00:21:42,388 --> 00:21:44,478
I had to give it up
for medical reasons.
427
00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:46,310
Man had ate some seafood
and didn't tell me.
428
00:21:47,262 --> 00:21:48,442
I'm allergic to seafood.
429
00:21:49,482 --> 00:21:51,352
They rushed me
to the hospital,
430
00:21:51,397 --> 00:21:53,047
pumped my stomach.
431
00:21:53,094 --> 00:21:54,884
But you know you always
go back to what you love.
432
00:21:55,662 --> 00:21:57,662
So I went back.
433
00:21:57,707 --> 00:22:00,447
And this time I had
done a little bit of reading up on it.
434
00:22:00,493 --> 00:22:04,323
And in the book,
it say you gotta be real freaky with it.
435
00:22:04,366 --> 00:22:06,796
So I'm going to reach
down there and lick his balls.
436
00:22:09,110 --> 00:22:10,890
Goddamn dick stuck me
dead in the eye.
437
00:22:12,983 --> 00:22:15,603
They rushed me
to the hospital.
438
00:22:15,638 --> 00:22:17,948
Doctor say a few more inches
it would have put my eye out.
439
00:22:19,033 --> 00:22:21,383
So now I'm stuck
with a dilemma.
440
00:22:21,427 --> 00:22:23,387
Either keep on sucking dick
441
00:22:23,429 --> 00:22:25,209
or be cock-eyed
the rest of my life.
442
00:22:27,563 --> 00:22:29,133
And ladies,
you've got to be careful
443
00:22:29,173 --> 00:22:31,313
'cause you know how
when you go to the hospital,
444
00:22:31,350 --> 00:22:34,610
they run all kind of tests
on you just to run up a bill.
445
00:22:34,657 --> 00:22:37,697
I found out I'm suffering
from lackofdickaphobia.
446
00:22:39,619 --> 00:22:44,619
Not only that,
I've got a touch of pubosuckagitis.
447
00:22:44,667 --> 00:22:48,057
Now, for those of you
who don't know what lackofdickaphobia is,
448
00:22:48,105 --> 00:22:52,455
that's the fear of not knowing
when you going to get your next piece of good dick.
449
00:22:52,501 --> 00:22:57,771
And pubosuckagitis is the act
of getting a pubic hair stuck in your throat.
450
00:22:57,811 --> 00:23:00,811
And a lot of you ladies
might be walking around with it
451
00:23:00,857 --> 00:23:02,077
and don't know you got it.
452
00:23:03,817 --> 00:23:06,037
So I'm here to
tell you the symptoms.
453
00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:07,210
You start sweating.
454
00:23:08,125 --> 00:23:10,165
You can't sleep at night.
455
00:23:10,214 --> 00:23:12,394
And you know how when
people can't sleep at night,
456
00:23:12,434 --> 00:23:14,574
they count sheep
jumping over the fence?
457
00:23:14,610 --> 00:23:17,790
All you see are dicks
jumping over the fence. Jumping over the fence.
458
00:23:17,831 --> 00:23:19,531
Every time they jump,
I try to catch them.
459
00:23:24,751 --> 00:23:27,011
But ladies,
you gots to be careful,
460
00:23:27,057 --> 00:23:31,887
because you gots
to know if it's real dick or dick byproducts.
461
00:23:31,932 --> 00:23:35,502
And the kind of woman I am,
I wrote two books on the matter.
462
00:23:35,544 --> 00:23:36,724
My first book,
463
00:23:39,505 --> 00:23:42,065
Maybe Dick, I Don't Know.
464
00:23:43,422 --> 00:23:45,342
This book will let you know.
465
00:23:45,380 --> 00:23:47,860
And my second book,
soon to be a movie,
466
00:23:50,516 --> 00:23:53,516
Short Dick Men...
Are They Taking Over?
467
00:24:00,569 --> 00:24:03,179
Men claim they know when
a woman's faking a orgasm.
468
00:24:03,224 --> 00:24:05,234
I know that ain't true 'cause
I don't even know no more.
469
00:24:06,401 --> 00:24:08,711
I had this one guy ask me,
470
00:24:08,751 --> 00:24:12,191
"Why come you don't tell me
when you have a orgasm?"
471
00:24:12,233 --> 00:24:14,193
I said, "Hell, you
ain't never around."
472
00:24:23,940 --> 00:24:25,860
What am I supposed to do?
473
00:24:25,899 --> 00:24:28,469
Get up and call your ass?
474
00:24:28,510 --> 00:24:31,380
And men got the smoothest-ass
lines in the world.
475
00:24:31,426 --> 00:24:33,646
He's going to look at me
talking about, "Barbara,
476
00:24:33,689 --> 00:24:36,339
"you know there's an art
to lovemaking."
477
00:24:36,387 --> 00:24:37,997
I said, "Oh, yeah?
478
00:24:38,041 --> 00:24:40,831
"Well, I wish somebody would
draw you a bigger dick."
479
00:24:40,870 --> 00:24:43,740
My name is Barbara Carlyle.
You've been a great audience. Thank you very much.
480
00:24:52,142 --> 00:24:55,062
Give it up for Barbara.
481
00:24:55,102 --> 00:24:56,842
Man, come on,
give her some more love.
482
00:24:56,886 --> 00:24:58,976
Man. Damn.
Look at the women.
483
00:25:02,718 --> 00:25:04,758
We're going to bring
out the man that makes this all possible.
484
00:25:04,807 --> 00:25:08,247
Let's bring out
Russell Simmons. Come on. Bring it. Come on.
485
00:25:10,596 --> 00:25:11,546
Yeah.
486
00:25:16,558 --> 00:25:19,388
Thank y'all for coming out.
God bless you. Good night.
487
00:25:19,430 --> 00:25:21,430
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
488
00:25:21,480 --> 00:25:26,030
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