Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:06,658 --> 00:00:08,228
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING] KID CAPRI: Straight out of
New York City.
2
00:00:08,269 --> 00:00:11,969
It's the Russell Simmons'
Def Comedy All-Star Jam.
3
00:00:14,057 --> 00:00:16,097
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
4
00:00:32,771 --> 00:00:37,731
Please welcome to the stage,
Cedric the Entertainer.
5
00:00:39,169 --> 00:00:41,559
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
6
00:00:52,139 --> 00:00:54,009
Wassup, New York?
7
00:00:55,098 --> 00:00:56,578
Yeah.
8
00:00:56,621 --> 00:00:59,671
Cedric the Entertainer
up in here.
9
00:00:59,711 --> 00:01:01,501
[LAUGHING]
You know what I'm sayin'?
10
00:01:04,542 --> 00:01:07,462
Yo, 'cause I feel like
I'm clean, that's that "I'm clean laugh."
11
00:01:07,502 --> 00:01:11,332
[MIMICS LAUGHTER] Oooh.
12
00:01:12,333 --> 00:01:14,203
I love that motha... Okay,
13
00:01:14,248 --> 00:01:16,638
all right, I know you
feelin' like you clean too.
14
00:01:16,685 --> 00:01:19,725
Look at you, boy.
Southern playa listening.
15
00:01:19,775 --> 00:01:22,385
Know that? Look at him.
16
00:01:24,867 --> 00:01:29,567
And he got on
a Bobby Jone latta Mo, let's straighten in out.
17
00:01:31,743 --> 00:01:35,183
Clean boy, clean,
no reason, sharp.
18
00:01:35,225 --> 00:01:38,485
You know them re-suit
from two different Easters.
19
00:01:38,533 --> 00:01:41,493
'82 and '75, do you
know what I'm sayin?
20
00:01:41,536 --> 00:01:43,576
Shit don't go together.
It don't go together.
21
00:01:45,453 --> 00:01:47,193
Love ya like
a playa cousin, dawg.
22
00:01:47,237 --> 00:01:49,537
Yeah, you know that my man,
yo brother, how you doin, bro?
23
00:01:49,587 --> 00:01:52,977
Just chilin'.
Y'all lookin' good around here.
24
00:01:53,025 --> 00:01:56,245
Chilin. Chewin' that gum,
dawg. You straight?
25
00:01:57,900 --> 00:02:00,340
You hungrier than a...
26
00:02:00,381 --> 00:02:05,261
"Nah, they ain't got no wings
in this mo'fucker place?
27
00:02:05,299 --> 00:02:09,039
"I mean, this ain't nothin'
but jokes goin' on up in this mo'fucka?"
28
00:02:09,085 --> 00:02:10,905
[MIMICKING LAUGHTER]
29
00:02:11,740 --> 00:02:12,740
Whoo!
30
00:02:16,223 --> 00:02:19,183
I was trippin' out there,
see, I heard that Bobby Womack, and all that.
31
00:02:19,226 --> 00:02:21,356
See, that's, that's
good music right there,
32
00:02:21,402 --> 00:02:23,532
'cause you don't know what
these singer's talkin' about today, do you?
33
00:02:23,578 --> 00:02:29,278
Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, where
they going with they ass? Where they...
34
00:02:29,323 --> 00:02:32,333
I know, I thought they were
Spanish. I could swore they were orderin' Taco Bell.
35
00:02:32,369 --> 00:02:35,239
I didn't know they
were talkin' about.
36
00:02:35,285 --> 00:02:38,675
All of 'em man.
Ol' Dirty Bastard.
37
00:02:38,723 --> 00:02:42,603
I thought he was hemorrhaging.
I ain't know what was wrong with the boy.
38
00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:44,340
Is he gonna be okay?
39
00:02:44,381 --> 00:02:46,561
That's all I need to know.
40
00:02:48,298 --> 00:02:51,388
Ol' Dirty, just worried about
you, Ol' Dirty.
41
00:02:53,129 --> 00:02:55,389
"Ol' Dirty, get in here.
42
00:02:55,436 --> 00:02:56,996
"Clean your room, Ol' Dirty."
43
00:02:59,570 --> 00:03:01,750
You can't listen
to the radio no more,
44
00:03:01,790 --> 00:03:04,140
you can't. I was ridin' around
with my daughter, six-year-old daughter.
45
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:07,104
I was kickin' it, you know.
Spendin' some of that court required quality time,
46
00:03:07,143 --> 00:03:08,363
you know what
I'm talkin' about.
47
00:03:14,846 --> 00:03:17,626
You know what I'm sayin'?
I love her just the same.
48
00:03:17,675 --> 00:03:20,675
We just ridin' around, kickin'
it, you know, and she singin' what's on the radio.
49
00:03:20,722 --> 00:03:23,942
I really wasn't even
trippin' off of it, except that she sings.
50
00:03:23,986 --> 00:03:26,416
And you wonder what all
of these cats are gonna do when they get old.
51
00:03:26,467 --> 00:03:28,637
Like all these rap singers.
What they gonna do when they get older, you know?
52
00:03:28,686 --> 00:03:32,076
You know, how most
people get old and live a thug life
53
00:03:32,124 --> 00:03:35,824
and then, you know,
get old and turn to Jesus.
54
00:03:35,867 --> 00:03:39,997
You know, everybody got that
one uncle in they family that kill like nine people,
55
00:03:40,045 --> 00:03:43,265
now he in church,
tryin' to tell you how to act.
56
00:03:43,310 --> 00:03:47,270
Shut up, Uncle Nate,
you ain't nothin' but a thug on Earth, boy.
57
00:03:49,316 --> 00:03:51,266
I'm just sayin'. You think
Snoop gonna turn to the Lord?
58
00:03:51,318 --> 00:03:55,968
Like, be like, 65, be the
Reverend Snoop Doggy Dog?
59
00:03:56,018 --> 00:03:59,238
It's nothin' but a G Thang,
It's all good, Missionary Baptist Church.
60
00:04:00,979 --> 00:04:04,369
Come out talkin' about, um,
"Good morning!
61
00:04:05,984 --> 00:04:09,214
"Today's scrizzipture
62
00:04:12,208 --> 00:04:14,558
"gonna come
from Rizzevalations."
63
00:04:14,602 --> 00:04:17,562
Dr. Dre in the background,
"Hell yeah,
64
00:04:17,605 --> 00:04:19,215
"keep that head ringin."
65
00:04:21,609 --> 00:04:25,609
There a lotta churches all,
that's... Church is a good thing for black folk.
66
00:04:25,656 --> 00:04:28,006
That's how OJ got off.
67
00:04:28,050 --> 00:04:31,400
I knew he was gonna get off
as soon as Johnny Cochran turned into a preacher.
68
00:04:31,445 --> 00:04:35,005
You know it? Soon as
he started preachin', you pretty much knew OJ,
69
00:04:35,057 --> 00:04:37,667
cause can't nobody handle
a good sermon, can you?
70
00:04:37,712 --> 00:04:39,452
You know how you be
messin'. I knew it.
71
00:04:39,496 --> 00:04:41,236
Cochran started out normally,
didn't he?
72
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:44,371
He came out, you know, regular
Johnny Cochran, you know.
73
00:04:44,414 --> 00:04:46,554
"If someone did somethin'
like that, you would say
74
00:04:46,590 --> 00:04:48,290
"that person was racist, now,
wouldn't you?"
75
00:04:48,331 --> 00:04:50,331
And it was like, "That's
right, that's right, Johnny."
76
00:04:50,377 --> 00:04:54,597
By the end of it, he was,
"And OJ, ha, ha, didn't do it.
77
00:04:54,642 --> 00:04:57,342
"He didn't have the Bronco
that day, ha, ha.
78
00:04:57,384 --> 00:05:02,354
"What about the dog?
How come the dog didn't say nuttin'?
79
00:05:02,389 --> 00:05:05,739
"Whoo, hoo, hoo,
whoo, hoo."
80
00:05:09,047 --> 00:05:11,007
"Praise the Lord.
81
00:05:14,270 --> 00:05:19,800
"We gonna have an 'A'
and 'B' selection from the choir
82
00:05:21,016 --> 00:05:25,236
"while the jury deliberates."
83
00:05:25,281 --> 00:05:28,331
Went to the Million Man March,
you know, brother still atoning.
84
00:05:30,591 --> 00:05:33,031
Get my atonement on.
85
00:05:33,071 --> 00:05:37,381
Know what I'm sayin'? Just,
you know, got to be atonin', you know, steady atonin',
86
00:05:37,424 --> 00:05:38,904
I'm still atonin'.
87
00:05:38,947 --> 00:05:41,297
Always atonin', you know.
88
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:44,041
I had to look it up to
realize what I was doin'.
89
00:05:44,082 --> 00:05:45,952
You know what I'm sayin',
cause, you know, Farrakhan got me in
90
00:05:45,997 --> 00:05:47,827
here with some words,
you don't know. You be like,
91
00:05:47,869 --> 00:05:49,309
"That's right, that's right."
92
00:05:52,439 --> 00:05:54,699
I was glad though.
I was a little worried at first, you know,
93
00:05:54,745 --> 00:05:57,265
cause they, you know,
it was like a Million Man March, and you know,
94
00:05:57,313 --> 00:06:00,583
I didn't get no itinerary
faxed to me or nuttin' like that, you know.
95
00:06:00,621 --> 00:06:03,931
And I was a little concerned,
you know, a million bro's together, and you know,
96
00:06:03,972 --> 00:06:06,582
don't nobody know what the
hell goin' on.
97
00:06:06,627 --> 00:06:10,327
You know, that's just
a barbeque waitin' to happen. Y'all know that now, you know.
98
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:14,330
Cause a brother can't hear,
he'd be like, "Shit, let's cue then man, damn."
99
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:16,114
Brother mad they
can't eat no ribs cause
100
00:06:16,158 --> 00:06:18,118
Farrakhan still there,
you know.
101
00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:21,420
Brother sittin' in
the back, talkin' 'bout, "Damn, man, shit.
102
00:06:21,468 --> 00:06:24,118
"When Farrakhan leaving, man?
103
00:06:24,166 --> 00:06:27,996
"Fuckin' ribs smellin' gooder
than a mo'fucker, damn."
104
00:06:28,039 --> 00:06:30,829
[MIMICKING LAUGHTER]
105
00:06:30,868 --> 00:06:33,698
And I was readin' in the
paper too, the other day, they got this new thing now.
106
00:06:33,741 --> 00:06:37,481
They got white scientists
tryin' to prove it's a gay gene
107
00:06:37,527 --> 00:06:40,567
in the body that
make people gay.
108
00:06:40,617 --> 00:06:43,877
Y'all believe that?
109
00:06:43,925 --> 00:06:46,615
You know, I ain't
goin' for that, dawg. You know what I'm sayin'?
110
00:06:46,667 --> 00:06:49,317
I mean if you gay, fine,
be gay, you know.
111
00:06:49,365 --> 00:06:50,755
But don't be actin' like
I could have caught it,
112
00:06:50,801 --> 00:06:52,501
you know what I'm sayin?
Don't be...
113
00:06:54,501 --> 00:06:56,891
You know, like it's the flu
or somethin', you know, what I'm sayin?
114
00:06:56,938 --> 00:07:00,198
You, you been normal all
your life, somebody sneeze, on you, achoo,
115
00:07:00,245 --> 00:07:02,025
you wake up the next morning
like, "Ooh."
116
00:07:10,386 --> 00:07:13,996
That ain't true, cause
if that was true, it was a biological gay gene,
117
00:07:14,042 --> 00:07:16,132
that mean God put
the gay gene in everything
118
00:07:16,174 --> 00:07:19,794
that reproduce sexually,
like humans, therefore, you have gay dogs.
119
00:07:19,830 --> 00:07:23,790
They'd be gay cats,
gay birds, gay worms.
120
00:07:23,834 --> 00:07:27,454
Somewhere on the farm,
it's a big ole gay cow just,
121
00:07:27,490 --> 00:07:29,930
just... Mamoo...
122
00:07:34,671 --> 00:07:37,241
Mooooo...
123
00:07:40,547 --> 00:07:42,237
Moooo...
124
00:07:43,724 --> 00:07:44,734
Heifer.
125
00:07:47,684 --> 00:07:50,694
Y'all ready to have a good
time up in here, New York?
126
00:07:50,731 --> 00:07:53,041
[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]
127
00:08:00,349 --> 00:08:01,569
That's how everybody dance.
128
00:08:07,791 --> 00:08:10,491
All right y'all,
be gettin' hyped up, y'all ready New York?
129
00:08:10,533 --> 00:08:14,283
How you feel? All right.
130
00:08:14,319 --> 00:08:18,759
Cedric the Entertainer here,
at the Def Comedy All-Star Jizzam.
131
00:08:18,802 --> 00:08:20,942
All right, we gettin' ready to
blow it up y'all.
132
00:08:20,978 --> 00:08:24,498
Coming to the stage from
Chicago, Illinois, back for his second time.
133
00:08:24,547 --> 00:08:27,547
Y'all please give it
up for my man, Mr. George Wilborn.
134
00:08:27,594 --> 00:08:29,514
Let him hear it.
135
00:08:29,552 --> 00:08:31,512
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]
136
00:08:40,955 --> 00:08:42,475
Wassup, New York,
how y'all doin'?
137
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:43,742
AUDIENCE: All right.
138
00:08:43,784 --> 00:08:45,004
Oh, I thought I was
in the house.
139
00:08:45,046 --> 00:08:47,046
Wassup, how y'all doin'?
140
00:08:47,091 --> 00:08:49,271
Now, see I let y'all know
somethin' about me right off the bat,
141
00:08:49,311 --> 00:08:51,011
since you got a
problem communicatin'.
142
00:08:51,052 --> 00:08:53,792
I am from the mothafuckin'
side of West Side of Chicago.
143
00:08:53,837 --> 00:08:55,877
Public motherfucker,
know what I'm sayin'?
144
00:08:55,926 --> 00:08:58,356
I was born in
a public hospital.
145
00:08:58,407 --> 00:09:00,627
When I went home,
I went home on public transportation.
146
00:09:01,715 --> 00:09:02,975
I went home
to public housing.
147
00:09:03,978 --> 00:09:05,588
Went to public school.
148
00:09:05,632 --> 00:09:07,462
Dropped out and I ended
up on public aid.
149
00:09:07,503 --> 00:09:10,203
What I'm tryin' to tell your
ass is that I need somethin'
150
00:09:10,245 --> 00:09:12,285
private in my
mothafuckin' life.
151
00:09:12,334 --> 00:09:13,904
Now, I went and hanged out
here in New York
152
00:09:13,944 --> 00:09:16,774
and I went and checked out
my boy off in Brooklyn.
153
00:09:16,817 --> 00:09:19,597
You know it's always strange
when a motherfucker falls on hard times.
154
00:09:19,646 --> 00:09:21,336
You ever been
over somebody's house,
155
00:09:21,386 --> 00:09:24,956
where everybody and everything
in the house just broke?
156
00:09:24,999 --> 00:09:27,129
I mean, just everything in
the house, just broke.
157
00:09:27,175 --> 00:09:28,955
Soon as you walk up
toward the motherfuckin' house
158
00:09:29,003 --> 00:09:31,223
they start yellin' out shit
not to touch.
159
00:09:31,266 --> 00:09:33,876
"No, no, don't use that
banister, don't use that, man.
160
00:09:33,921 --> 00:09:36,401
"That banister broke,
you gotta use that one."
161
00:09:36,445 --> 00:09:40,615
"No, no, don't sit on
that side of the couch, you gotta sit on that side."
162
00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:42,797
I went to go light
a cigarette on the stove,
163
00:09:42,843 --> 00:09:46,723
"No, no, no, don't
turn the stove on. Just light it on the pilot."
164
00:09:49,893 --> 00:09:53,333
I went to turn the TV on,
"No, no, no dawg, don't turn it on.
165
00:09:53,375 --> 00:09:56,725
"Just plug it up,
it's already on."
166
00:09:58,467 --> 00:10:00,637
Dead broke like
a motherfucker.
167
00:10:00,687 --> 00:10:02,907
Not only do you have to
jiggle the handle, sometimes
168
00:10:02,950 --> 00:10:05,470
they got to lift it up and
lift that little ball up outta there yourself.
169
00:10:05,517 --> 00:10:07,517
Just broke
motherfucker.
170
00:10:07,563 --> 00:10:10,173
In Chicago,
it got hot as hell.
171
00:10:10,218 --> 00:10:12,348
It got hot than
a motherfucker, it was just,
172
00:10:12,394 --> 00:10:15,534
the heat was
killin' motherfuckers.
173
00:10:15,571 --> 00:10:17,361
It was so hot.
174
00:10:18,226 --> 00:10:21,096
My question to you.
175
00:10:21,142 --> 00:10:24,842
How you let heat kill you?
176
00:10:24,885 --> 00:10:28,185
Now come on, people.
How the fuck you let heat...
177
00:10:28,236 --> 00:10:31,236
Look, I might get taken
out by a lot of shit,
178
00:10:32,588 --> 00:10:35,768
but heat ain't gonna kill...
179
00:10:35,809 --> 00:10:39,029
I'd be butt naked in a
grocery store before heat...
180
00:10:39,073 --> 00:10:41,383
I'd be butt naked, sittin'
in front of the food,
181
00:10:41,423 --> 00:10:42,733
"What up nigga,
what up nigga?"
182
00:10:42,772 --> 00:10:44,732
"Fuck you nigga, fuck you.
183
00:10:44,774 --> 00:10:47,394
"I'm tryin' to beat the heat,
nigga, fuck you, man.
184
00:10:47,429 --> 00:10:49,689
"Here your pizza is,
man, go ahead."
185
00:10:49,736 --> 00:10:52,736
Do you know it's heat,
do you know there's air condition in jail?
186
00:10:52,782 --> 00:10:55,442
It's air condition in jail.
187
00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:57,740
I will slap the
motherfucker police.
188
00:10:57,787 --> 00:10:59,827
"What up, nigga,
what up?" Pow.
189
00:11:02,574 --> 00:11:05,494
Oooo, shit boy.
190
00:11:05,534 --> 00:11:07,584
How y'all doin'? Now if you
believe in this brother,
191
00:11:07,623 --> 00:11:10,763
I want you to clap,
stomp, beat on your, I mean, you know.
192
00:11:12,193 --> 00:11:13,983
I want you to make
some noise, you know,
193
00:11:14,021 --> 00:11:16,071
if you, if you mean this,
if you believe in this.
194
00:11:16,110 --> 00:11:19,980
How many men in this
room, honestly and truly
195
00:11:20,027 --> 00:11:23,247
enjoy having sex? Let me hear
you make some noise if you enjoy having sex.
196
00:11:23,291 --> 00:11:25,821
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
197
00:11:25,859 --> 00:11:30,779
With yourself, with yourself,
with yourself, with yourself, with yourself, with yourself
198
00:11:30,820 --> 00:11:32,740
with yourself, with yourself.
199
00:11:32,779 --> 00:11:37,439
Oh no, oh no, you nasty man.
200
00:11:37,479 --> 00:11:42,089
Oh, no, dawg. He nasty.
201
00:11:42,136 --> 00:11:45,566
Oh, he would pump that
about, "Oh yeah, oh yeah."
202
00:11:45,617 --> 00:11:47,707
He'd pump that out.
203
00:11:48,664 --> 00:11:50,584
He's nasty.
204
00:11:50,622 --> 00:11:54,062
My name's George Wilborn,
y'all, peace out, love, Chicago
205
00:11:57,107 --> 00:11:59,237
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
206
00:12:01,155 --> 00:12:05,285
Yeah, Yeah. Y'all give it
up for George Wilborn.
207
00:12:05,333 --> 00:12:07,773
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
208
00:12:07,814 --> 00:12:10,434
[MIMICKING LAUGHTER]
209
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:13,561
Ooh...
210
00:12:13,602 --> 00:12:16,132
Y'all gotta do that
with me, it feel good.
211
00:12:16,170 --> 00:12:17,780
Just, whenever you
feel it, just...
212
00:12:17,824 --> 00:12:21,184
[MIMICKING LAUGHTER] Ooh!
213
00:12:23,351 --> 00:12:25,791
The world done went ghetto,
ain't it?
214
00:12:25,832 --> 00:12:29,712
I went to a ghetto
weddin' this summer. You ever, man,
215
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:34,099
you ever seen two ghetto ass
people who love one another
216
00:12:34,144 --> 00:12:37,414
and get together
in holy matrimony?
217
00:12:37,452 --> 00:12:39,802
It's a sight to see,
you know what I'm sayin'?
218
00:12:39,846 --> 00:12:42,276
I get, you know, my cousin,
she ghetto.
219
00:12:42,326 --> 00:12:46,156
She done came down the aisle
in some white Daisy Dukes.
220
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:48,770
Got a veil on, got on
a pair of gold mules
221
00:12:48,811 --> 00:12:50,991
two sizes too small, so,
222
00:12:51,031 --> 00:12:53,641
you know, her heel just
hangin' off the back, you know what I'm sayin'?
223
00:12:53,685 --> 00:12:57,465
She trying to keep
them on just slidin', you know what I'm sayin'?
224
00:12:57,515 --> 00:13:00,125
Just rippin' up the little
crepe paper they done put down there,
225
00:13:00,170 --> 00:13:03,300
and just tore that all up
in half and shit, just...
226
00:13:04,827 --> 00:13:07,867
Flower girl ain't
got no flowers,
227
00:13:07,917 --> 00:13:10,307
just a big ol' basket
of sunflower seeds,
228
00:13:10,354 --> 00:13:11,794
just droppin' 'em.
229
00:13:11,834 --> 00:13:14,144
People are pickin' 'em
up talkin' 'bout,
230
00:13:14,184 --> 00:13:17,064
"Eh, this is a bomb ass
weddin' right here, boy."
231
00:13:19,059 --> 00:13:21,059
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
232
00:13:29,286 --> 00:13:32,546
She done snuck some Luke Base
music up in the weddin'.
233
00:13:32,594 --> 00:13:34,554
You know, cause the way it was
real traditional at first.
234
00:13:34,596 --> 00:13:36,766
She was comin' down the aisle
all normal, you know,
235
00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:39,816
[HUMS WEDDING MARCH]
236
00:13:44,475 --> 00:13:47,035
[BEATBOXING]
Come on girl now,
237
00:13:47,087 --> 00:13:49,697
shake that ass up.
238
00:13:49,741 --> 00:13:52,441
Whole damn weddin'
jumped up. Hoes!
239
00:13:52,483 --> 00:13:54,143
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
240
00:13:56,444 --> 00:13:59,144
Might as well make a little
change up in this motha'.
241
00:14:04,365 --> 00:14:05,365
[LAUGHS]
242
00:14:07,934 --> 00:14:09,764
Y'all ready? How you feel?
243
00:14:09,805 --> 00:14:11,065
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
244
00:14:11,111 --> 00:14:14,811
[MIMICKING LAUGHTER] Oooh.
245
00:14:17,247 --> 00:14:18,897
Y'alls in the house.
Alright y'all,
246
00:14:18,945 --> 00:14:21,595
comin' to the stage, Sonya D.
247
00:14:21,643 --> 00:14:23,123
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
248
00:14:24,472 --> 00:14:26,782
Hey New York, what's up,
what's up?
249
00:14:26,822 --> 00:14:28,612
Y'all make some
noise in this biatch.
250
00:14:28,650 --> 00:14:29,910
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
251
00:14:29,956 --> 00:14:31,256
Yeah.
252
00:14:31,305 --> 00:14:33,085
All ladies in the
house say, "Hey."
253
00:14:33,133 --> 00:14:34,613
WOMEN: Hey.
254
00:14:34,656 --> 00:14:36,266
All the boys in the house,
let them dogs out.
255
00:14:36,310 --> 00:14:37,920
MEN: Woof, woof, woof.
256
00:14:37,964 --> 00:14:40,234
That's right. Ladies look,
let me ask you a question.
257
00:14:40,270 --> 00:14:43,360
If you are tired of these
brothers callin' you bitches, say, "Hell yeah."
258
00:14:43,404 --> 00:14:44,754
WOMEN: Hell yeah.
259
00:14:44,796 --> 00:14:46,446
That's right, we ain't
got no bitches in here.
260
00:14:46,494 --> 00:14:49,544
But I know damn well
we got some hoes.
261
00:14:49,584 --> 00:14:51,804
All the hoes in the house
raise your hand.
262
00:14:51,847 --> 00:14:53,277
Let me explain
somethin' to you.
263
00:14:53,327 --> 00:14:55,327
If the word "ho"
offends you,
264
00:14:56,460 --> 00:14:57,720
you the ho I'm talkin' to.
265
00:15:00,247 --> 00:15:03,287
And if you gonna cheat on your
man ladies, be honest.
266
00:15:03,337 --> 00:15:04,767
You ain't gotta lie.
267
00:15:04,816 --> 00:15:06,296
'Cause you know
your brother gonna lie.
268
00:15:06,340 --> 00:15:09,130
My man came home
at 10 o'clock the next day
269
00:15:09,169 --> 00:15:11,999
talkin' about he spent the
night over at his boy's house last night.
270
00:15:12,041 --> 00:15:13,871
And I knew he was lyin'.
271
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:17,003
Because I spent the night over
at his boy's house last night.
272
00:15:20,006 --> 00:15:21,566
Hell no, you ain't gotta lie.
273
00:15:23,487 --> 00:15:24,917
Be real with your shit.
274
00:15:27,709 --> 00:15:29,969
Let me explain somethin'
to you ladies.
275
00:15:30,016 --> 00:15:33,146
When you mess
around with these brothers, that shit ain't love.
276
00:15:33,193 --> 00:15:34,933
You ain't in love,
you ain't makin' love,
277
00:15:34,977 --> 00:15:37,677
you just passin'
that old trusty ass.
278
00:15:37,719 --> 00:15:39,329
And I love messin' around.
279
00:15:39,373 --> 00:15:41,333
The only thing I can't stand
about messin' around,
280
00:15:41,375 --> 00:15:43,585
and ladies you know
where I come from when I say this shit.
281
00:15:43,638 --> 00:15:45,598
When we get with these
brothers talkin' all kinds of shit,
282
00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:47,510
but they can't
back that shit up.
283
00:15:47,555 --> 00:15:50,685
Always hollerin'
he got the bomb.
284
00:15:50,732 --> 00:15:54,042
Talkin' bout, "Girl,
my shit is da bomb."
285
00:15:54,083 --> 00:15:56,523
Well, will you please
blow me the fuck up?
286
00:15:56,564 --> 00:15:58,004
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
287
00:15:59,567 --> 00:16:00,917
Blow it up.
288
00:16:05,138 --> 00:16:08,788
And I hate messin' around with
them brothers that want you to talk to 'em during sex.
289
00:16:08,837 --> 00:16:11,537
Motherfucka talkin',
"Girl, say my name, say my name."
290
00:16:11,579 --> 00:16:13,579
Bitch, you didn't tell me
your motherfuckin' name.
291
00:16:14,756 --> 00:16:16,406
I don't know your name.
292
00:16:17,063 --> 00:16:18,983
[APPLAUSE]
293
00:16:22,111 --> 00:16:23,681
And let me explain
somethin' to you ladies.
294
00:16:23,721 --> 00:16:25,941
Now, y'all listen up.
295
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:28,765
Messin' around ain't
shit but a booty call.
296
00:16:28,813 --> 00:16:31,083
And it's easy to have
a booty call too.
297
00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:32,990
Because it's all you gotta do
is let that brother know
298
00:16:33,035 --> 00:16:35,165
up from the get go what's
goin' on. "Look brother, look.
299
00:16:36,517 --> 00:16:38,997
"Now, this is
what we gonna do.
300
00:16:39,041 --> 00:16:41,441
"Now, I'm gonna
give you a little ass.
301
00:16:43,132 --> 00:16:44,532
"You gonna give me some back.
302
00:16:45,700 --> 00:16:46,920
"I'm gonna holla
at you later."
303
00:16:49,182 --> 00:16:51,402
You gotta let 'em know.
304
00:16:51,445 --> 00:16:54,005
Tell that brother,
"I do not love you.
305
00:16:55,101 --> 00:16:57,321
"Really don't like you."
306
00:16:57,364 --> 00:17:00,064
"And when we're through,
don't you call me.
307
00:17:01,107 --> 00:17:02,367
"I'll call you."
308
00:17:05,807 --> 00:17:08,767
You gotta be real
with that shit.
309
00:17:08,810 --> 00:17:10,990
Cause I'm tellin' you,
reason why I say that shit is
310
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:12,770
because a brother
tried to front me
311
00:17:12,814 --> 00:17:15,254
at the show because he saw
me with another brother.
312
00:17:15,295 --> 00:17:16,945
Ain't neither one of these
motherfuckers my man.
313
00:17:16,992 --> 00:17:18,522
He was mad as hell too.
314
00:17:18,559 --> 00:17:22,039
I was happy to see him.
I was like, "Hey Boo.
315
00:17:22,084 --> 00:17:24,174
"Hey Pooky." He said,
"Don't you fuckin' hey me.
316
00:17:25,174 --> 00:17:26,524
"What's this shit, Sonya?"
317
00:17:27,829 --> 00:17:29,609
I'm like, "Brother,
what's what?"
318
00:17:29,657 --> 00:17:31,617
"Oh, you with me Friday night.
319
00:17:31,659 --> 00:17:35,319
"Now you with this brother
Saturday night? Sonya, what's up?"
320
00:17:35,358 --> 00:17:38,968
So I'm like, "Damn bro,
you wanna switch days with this motherfucker, what?"
321
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:44,322
Ass is ass.
322
00:17:49,155 --> 00:17:51,505
Ladies, you laughin'.
But hee, hee hell.
323
00:17:53,246 --> 00:17:57,896
If you are using a brother
just for some ass,
324
00:17:57,946 --> 00:18:01,076
you cannot get mad at
him if you see him with another female.
325
00:18:01,123 --> 00:18:02,693
'Cause that is not your man.
326
00:18:04,170 --> 00:18:05,520
That's right.
327
00:18:07,216 --> 00:18:10,386
You gotta be real
with your shit, that's right.
328
00:18:10,437 --> 00:18:12,477
See the reason why I say that
is because my girl,
329
00:18:12,526 --> 00:18:14,746
she came to my house
because she was hurt.
330
00:18:14,789 --> 00:18:17,529
Brother she knocked boots
with was down at the club with another female.
331
00:18:17,574 --> 00:18:20,404
And I know that's
a hurtin' feelin' ladies, but that is not your man.
332
00:18:20,447 --> 00:18:23,407
And she was cryin'
too, y'all. I was like, "Baby, what's wrong?"
333
00:18:23,450 --> 00:18:24,970
"Girl, it's Michael,
334
00:18:26,627 --> 00:18:28,537
"he down at the club
with another bitch."
335
00:18:30,370 --> 00:18:32,070
I'm like, "Girl, stop
all that damn cryin',
336
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:33,291
"that ain't your man."
337
00:18:33,329 --> 00:18:35,159
"But that not the point."
338
00:18:35,201 --> 00:18:37,291
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
339
00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:41,160
"I fucked him."
340
00:18:41,207 --> 00:18:44,337
And I'm like,
"Goddamn, I fucked him too, I'm not mad."
341
00:18:44,384 --> 00:18:46,474
Peace, that's the
end of my time.
342
00:18:48,518 --> 00:18:50,958
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
343
00:18:57,745 --> 00:19:01,915
Yeah, yeah, that's
right, that's right.
344
00:19:01,966 --> 00:19:05,356
Just chilin' man,
how you all doin' man?
345
00:19:05,405 --> 00:19:07,355
Just killin' man.
See, don't, don't we need
346
00:19:07,407 --> 00:19:09,187
to go back to
the old days, y'all.
347
00:19:09,235 --> 00:19:11,185
I mean when life were good.
348
00:19:11,237 --> 00:19:12,927
Mom and Dad were together,
that whole thing, y'all remember?
349
00:19:15,893 --> 00:19:18,553
I touched him, I touched him,
that's all I wanted to do,
350
00:19:18,592 --> 00:19:20,862
dawg, I just wanted to
touch somebody in the room.
351
00:19:23,553 --> 00:19:25,603
That nigga was like,
"Damn, that's true."
352
00:19:28,776 --> 00:19:30,686
You know, 'cause black folk
break up over little stuff,
353
00:19:30,734 --> 00:19:33,964
you know, arguments, you know,
what I'm sayin', cards.
354
00:19:33,998 --> 00:19:36,128
You know, a whole
black family,
355
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:39,785
black family will end
over a games of spades, God damn it, we will.
356
00:19:42,485 --> 00:19:45,305
Adultery, you know,
adultery ain't got nothin' with us, you know.
357
00:19:45,358 --> 00:19:48,448
Your daddy get caught cheatin'
all day, let his ass reneg.
358
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:51,489
"Get out."
359
00:19:57,413 --> 00:20:00,633
They be trippin' man.
And I was trippin' off this the other day too, you know,
360
00:20:00,677 --> 00:20:05,247
'cause, you know, black folks
don't never be no part of a mass murder, you know.
361
00:20:05,291 --> 00:20:09,821
That ain't our thang, to
get killed with a lot of other people, you know.
362
00:20:09,860 --> 00:20:14,170
You know. And reason is
'cause we learn how to run. We run, you know.
363
00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:16,263
You know, we talk a good game,
364
00:20:16,302 --> 00:20:19,002
but when everyone
start runnin'...
365
00:20:19,043 --> 00:20:21,263
Brother gonna run.
Brother ain't...
366
00:20:21,307 --> 00:20:23,217
If somebody got up in
this room right now
367
00:20:23,265 --> 00:20:25,485
and took off runnin, about
nine people would be like.
368
00:20:26,355 --> 00:20:28,615
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
369
00:20:35,016 --> 00:20:39,146
See, cause we run, dawg,
we don't, we don't be, we don't ask no questions
370
00:20:39,194 --> 00:20:40,984
why we runnin'.
371
00:20:41,022 --> 00:20:44,632
We don't need to know
the reason we runnin'. It ain't,
372
00:20:44,678 --> 00:20:46,808
you know it, you know, it.
373
00:20:46,854 --> 00:20:49,994
Obviously, that ain't
none of our business what going on back there.
374
00:20:50,031 --> 00:20:55,431
So once we stop runnin',
I will ask somebody what we was runnin' about.
375
00:20:55,471 --> 00:20:57,651
See, them white folk need
to know though, don't they?
376
00:20:57,691 --> 00:21:00,871
"Jesus, what's going
on back here?
377
00:21:00,911 --> 00:21:05,091
"Oh Jesus, oh, Jiminy,
gosh, darn it.
378
00:21:06,047 --> 00:21:07,657
"Jesus Christ.
379
00:21:10,007 --> 00:21:11,917
"Why didn't anybody tell me?"
380
00:21:13,402 --> 00:21:14,882
"You saw us runnin'."
381
00:21:20,757 --> 00:21:23,457
You know.
That one thing about us.
382
00:21:23,499 --> 00:21:27,159
You don't have to
make no announcement.
383
00:21:27,198 --> 00:21:30,938
Nobody get up yell, "Hey dawg,
we gonna run," nope.
384
00:21:30,985 --> 00:21:32,505
You be in the middle of a
conversation,
385
00:21:32,552 --> 00:21:34,902
let somebody run, you'll
break out, you'll be,
386
00:21:34,945 --> 00:21:36,855
"Yeah, so Keith..."
387
00:21:36,904 --> 00:21:39,214
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
388
00:21:50,570 --> 00:21:53,310
Damn, dawg,
you scared me, man.
389
00:21:55,096 --> 00:21:56,966
I thought somebody was comin'.
390
00:22:02,712 --> 00:22:04,892
You know, black folks got this
thing with screen doors.
391
00:22:04,932 --> 00:22:06,282
I don't know what the hell.
392
00:22:09,415 --> 00:22:11,935
"I can't come out right now."
393
00:22:11,982 --> 00:22:14,162
Mommy in the background,
"Close my screen door."
394
00:22:15,290 --> 00:22:16,510
[MIMICKING SOUND EFFECTS]
395
00:22:20,469 --> 00:22:22,779
That screen door, see,
that leads to the front porch,
396
00:22:22,819 --> 00:22:24,299
that's important
to black folks.
397
00:22:24,343 --> 00:22:26,783
We love the front porch,
that's our thing, you know.
398
00:22:26,823 --> 00:22:29,173
We, you go visit your people
down south, you all know.
399
00:22:29,217 --> 00:22:32,387
You sit on the front and play
"That's my car," you know.
400
00:22:36,137 --> 00:22:38,177
Y'all know what
"That's my car" is?
401
00:22:40,054 --> 00:22:42,754
"That's my car right there."
402
00:22:42,796 --> 00:22:45,576
"Uh, uh, that's my car,
I been called that car.
403
00:22:45,625 --> 00:22:47,755
"I said next two
cars was mine.
404
00:22:48,628 --> 00:22:50,928
"That's my car."
405
00:22:50,978 --> 00:22:53,198
We get to arguing over some,
"That's my car," boy.
406
00:22:53,241 --> 00:22:55,591
Your momma gotta come
out and break up the fight, wasn't she.
407
00:22:55,635 --> 00:22:57,845
Come out that screen door,
408
00:22:57,898 --> 00:22:59,288
"Who called the car first?
409
00:23:00,988 --> 00:23:03,378
"Well, Dante,
it's his car then.
410
00:23:03,425 --> 00:23:05,505
"Shit, make y'all play
on the back."
411
00:23:09,344 --> 00:23:10,434
Yeah.
412
00:23:10,476 --> 00:23:11,516
AUDIENCE: Yeah.
413
00:23:11,564 --> 00:23:13,524
[MIMICKING LAUGHTER]
414
00:23:13,566 --> 00:23:15,386
ALL: Oooh.
415
00:23:15,437 --> 00:23:18,307
Alright y'all, how y'all feel?
416
00:23:18,353 --> 00:23:21,623
All right. Comin' to
the stage, from Detroit, Michigan.
417
00:23:21,661 --> 00:23:26,671
Welcome back again to make you
laugh, give it up for my man, Mr. Mike Bonner.
418
00:23:26,709 --> 00:23:28,579
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]
419
00:23:36,632 --> 00:23:38,722
AUDIENCE: A'ight.
420
00:23:38,765 --> 00:23:41,155
All right, as long as y'all
feel good, give it up for my man, Ced,
421
00:23:41,202 --> 00:23:43,472
throwin' down, give it
up for Ced, y'all.
422
00:23:43,509 --> 00:23:45,769
Brother, throwin' down.
423
00:23:45,815 --> 00:23:49,075
I'm happy to be in New York,
man, I ain't gonna lie, I feel good to be here,
424
00:23:49,123 --> 00:23:52,213
I ain't gonna lie.
I'm just away from my damn kids back in Detroit.
425
00:23:52,256 --> 00:23:54,166
I'm just happy as hell
to be here, man.
426
00:23:54,215 --> 00:23:55,995
If you got kids, you know
what the hell I'm talkin' about.
427
00:23:56,043 --> 00:23:57,963
Kids will get on your
goddamn nerves.
428
00:23:58,001 --> 00:23:59,921
Waking up all early on
Saturday morning
429
00:23:59,960 --> 00:24:01,350
and want to eat shit
you ain't got.
430
00:24:01,396 --> 00:24:03,306
"I want some Captain Crunch,
431
00:24:03,354 --> 00:24:09,144
"I want, I want..." [LAUGHTER]
432
00:24:09,186 --> 00:24:12,836
"We got the corny flakes
up in this motherfucker."
433
00:24:12,886 --> 00:24:15,146
Kids will drive your
ass crazy. I live by one rule.
434
00:24:15,192 --> 00:24:17,372
Your kids bother you,
bother they ass right back,
435
00:24:17,412 --> 00:24:19,242
don't let your kids
fuck your day up.
436
00:24:19,283 --> 00:24:22,203
How you on the train,
drivin' on the freeway, talkin' to yourself.
437
00:24:22,243 --> 00:24:23,773
[LAUGHING]
438
00:24:30,730 --> 00:24:32,950
Don't let your kids
fuck your day up.
439
00:24:32,993 --> 00:24:36,343
Get 'em back. I got my kids
back good as hell about two weeks ago.
440
00:24:36,387 --> 00:24:38,427
I put them both in the car,
I said, "Daddy,
441
00:24:38,477 --> 00:24:41,997
"about to take your
ass to McDonald's."
442
00:24:42,045 --> 00:24:45,875
They was excited like a
motherfucker, "We are goin' to McDonald's, we are going."
443
00:24:48,530 --> 00:24:52,620
I swear to God,
I drove by 45 McDonald's before I stopped at one.
444
00:24:54,623 --> 00:24:58,063
They was in the car
losin' they goddamn mind.
445
00:24:58,105 --> 00:25:00,495
"Hey, Dad. Hey Dad...
446
00:25:01,543 --> 00:25:03,893
[INAUDIBLE]
447
00:25:05,547 --> 00:25:07,637
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
448
00:25:10,030 --> 00:25:11,030
"Hey Dad...
449
00:25:14,121 --> 00:25:16,341
"Hey Dad, you passin' it."
450
00:25:18,604 --> 00:25:19,564
"I gonna be good."
451
00:25:23,434 --> 00:25:29,444
"Dad, dad. I hate you,
you big eared motherfucker."
452
00:25:31,007 --> 00:25:32,747
Get your kids back.
453
00:25:35,272 --> 00:25:38,062
One little joke, real quick,
one little joke, real quick.
454
00:25:38,101 --> 00:25:40,761
Three fly ass girls from any
urban school in America
455
00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:43,410
takin' a spelling bee for
a 10,000 dollar scholarship.
456
00:25:43,454 --> 00:25:45,464
The word they gotta spell
is the word "dictate."
457
00:25:45,500 --> 00:25:47,940
First little girl get up,
she fly as hell, "Dictate. D-I-P-K."
458
00:25:47,981 --> 00:25:50,111
Fuck up.
[IMITATES BUZZER]
459
00:25:50,157 --> 00:25:54,597
Second little girl go,
"Dictate, D-I-C-T-P."
460
00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:56,600
Fuck up.
[IMITATES BUZZER]
461
00:25:56,642 --> 00:25:59,042
Last little girl go up,
she fly as hell.
462
00:25:59,079 --> 00:26:01,079
Got a little bubble gum
and she chewin' it,
463
00:26:01,124 --> 00:26:02,954
got long ass fingernails,
big ass weave,
464
00:26:02,996 --> 00:26:04,206
brand new titties.
465
00:26:07,174 --> 00:26:09,094
Brand new.
466
00:26:09,132 --> 00:26:12,532
She say, "Dictate,
D-I-C-T-A-T-E, dictate."
467
00:26:12,571 --> 00:26:14,181
Teacher like,
"That's right, little girl.
468
00:26:14,224 --> 00:26:15,794
"Now put this in a sentence,
469
00:26:15,835 --> 00:26:17,875
"and you'll win the whole
thing, the everything."
470
00:26:17,924 --> 00:26:20,544
She say, "Dictate in
a sentence, that ain't shit, um, let me see.
471
00:26:20,579 --> 00:26:22,839
"Dictate in a sentence.
472
00:26:22,885 --> 00:26:25,665
"My boyfriend's dic tates
so good last night."
473
00:26:28,238 --> 00:26:29,848
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]
474
00:26:38,727 --> 00:26:40,947
Mike Bonner, y'all!
475
00:26:40,990 --> 00:26:43,210
Give it up for Mike Bonner.
476
00:26:43,863 --> 00:26:45,043
Yeah.
477
00:26:46,866 --> 00:26:50,826
Hey, you say New York City.
478
00:26:50,870 --> 00:26:54,130
Hey, I love it man.
Alright y'all, we gettin' ready to wrap it up.
479
00:26:54,177 --> 00:26:57,697
We gonna bring to
the stage the boss in blue jeans.
480
00:26:57,746 --> 00:26:59,786
Give it up for my man,
Mr. Russell Simmons.
481
00:27:00,401 --> 00:27:01,401
Yeah.
482
00:27:03,578 --> 00:27:05,838
[MIMICKING LAUGHTER]
483
00:27:05,885 --> 00:27:07,405
AUDIENCE: Oooh.
484
00:27:09,976 --> 00:27:12,236
Thank y'all for comin' out,
God bless you, goodnight.
485
00:27:13,806 --> 00:27:15,626
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
486
00:27:18,071 --> 00:27:20,071
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
487
00:27:20,121 --> 00:27:24,671
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
39708
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.