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[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
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00:00:09,052 --> 00:00:12,932
KID CAPRI: It's the
Russell Simmons' Def Comedy Jam.
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00:00:37,124 --> 00:00:43,044
Ladies and gentlemen,
put your hands together for my main man, Ricky Harris!
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00:00:44,479 --> 00:00:46,089
Wassup?
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00:00:46,133 --> 00:00:48,313
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]
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00:00:50,746 --> 00:00:52,916
That nigga be getting down,
though, don't he?
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Give it up for my nigga,
Kid Capri, yo.
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00:00:55,359 --> 00:00:58,149
[AUDIENCE CHEERING][RICKY MIMICS
RECORD SCRATCHING]
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00:01:00,799 --> 00:01:03,019
That nigga's the baddest nigga
to ever touch the
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00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:04,763
motherfucking two turntables.
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00:01:04,803 --> 00:01:07,423
Too bad he gonna be
out of work in about three more years.
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00:01:07,458 --> 00:01:09,158
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
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00:01:09,199 --> 00:01:10,979
When they get rid of them
motherfucking records, he gonna be
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00:01:11,027 --> 00:01:12,807
pushing them
motherfucking CD buttons like a motherfucker.
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00:01:12,855 --> 00:01:14,465
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
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00:01:15,292 --> 00:01:17,342
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
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00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:23,080
Niggas going, "That nigga's
badder than a motherfucker on them pause buttons!"
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00:01:23,126 --> 00:01:25,906
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
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00:01:25,955 --> 00:01:27,695
I'm glad to be
out here in New York.
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You know, I love coming
out here. I just...
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I'm... I'm just... 'Cause this
time they really taking care of me
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'cause this time
I'm the host.
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Treat a nigga
first class and shit.
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00:01:36,922 --> 00:01:39,712
You ever ride on
first class on the plane? That's some shit, ain't it?
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00:01:39,751 --> 00:01:42,011
They do everything
on that motherfucker. "You need anything."
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Yes! Yeah, bitch!
Damn, bring it here!
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"Would you like..."
"Yeah, bitch, give it here, yeah!"
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'Cause you know coach,
they treat you like a slave.
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You know, they got that
little curtain so you can't look into first class.
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[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
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00:01:56,333 --> 00:01:57,773
You open that motherfucker,
them motherfuckers in the back going,
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00:01:57,813 --> 00:01:59,253
"Hey-oh!"
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[MIMICS CHANTING AND ROWING]
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00:02:02,034 --> 00:02:03,214
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
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00:02:04,689 --> 00:02:06,079
[LAUGHS]
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00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:08,166
And black people get
on the plane and look,
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'cause you sitting in
first class, like, you ain't supposed to be in first class.
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00:02:12,001 --> 00:02:14,051
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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00:02:15,396 --> 00:02:17,266
"You gonna get us in trouble!"
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[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]"You know you're supposed
to be back here with us!
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"They gonna
cut your foot off!"
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[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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But I be scared
than a motherfucker, though.
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Be up there and them...
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And you get to hitting
them pockets and shit.
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And the plane be...
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00:02:40,072 --> 00:02:41,812
You know,
hitting them turbulence. [MIMICS TURBULENCE]
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00:02:41,857 --> 00:02:45,077
And you always sitting
next to a white guy who loves death.
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00:02:45,121 --> 00:02:47,041
White guy like, "Oh!
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00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:50,300
"Ooh-wee!"[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
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You like, "Is this
motherfucker gonna crash?"
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'Cause in every plane crash,
the black box always survives. Am I right?
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The black box, right?
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Maybe I'm stupid,
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00:03:00,702 --> 00:03:02,232
but why they don't make
the whole damn plane out of the same shit
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00:03:02,269 --> 00:03:03,839
that black box made out of?
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[AUDIENCE CHEERING]Huh?
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And... And the white people
be like, "Um, Mr. Harris,
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00:03:07,665 --> 00:03:09,355
"would you like a window seat
or an aisle?" I...
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00:03:09,406 --> 00:03:11,276
"Motherfucker, sit me
in that black box!"
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00:03:11,321 --> 00:03:13,451
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
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So when that motherfucker
crash, I'm getting out that black box like, "Excuse me."
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00:03:16,065 --> 00:03:18,455
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
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00:03:19,634 --> 00:03:20,944
They're like,
"Where was you at?"
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"In that black box.
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"Now, where the fuck
is my luggage at? I had a green one and a blue one."
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'Cause, you know,
black people's shit don't never match.
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00:03:28,947 --> 00:03:30,337
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
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00:03:30,384 --> 00:03:31,564
I've seen a motherfucker
get on there...
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00:03:31,602 --> 00:03:33,602
On a plane one time
with a plastic bag.
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00:03:33,648 --> 00:03:35,738
You know, "Put this
motherfucker on there!"[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
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"Hold on, let me put this
twisty tie on the end
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"so they can't
get in my shit."
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You know!
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All right, I'm gonna
bring to the stage our first comedian tonight.
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He's a very,
very talented cat.
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Put your hands together,
y'all, for Mr. Rob Stapleton!
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00:03:51,100 --> 00:03:52,800
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
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00:03:53,755 --> 00:03:55,665
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
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Love this show!
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00:03:59,413 --> 00:04:01,763
Black people,
make some noise!
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00:04:01,806 --> 00:04:03,026
[ALL CHEERING]
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Some noise!
Represent!
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00:04:05,723 --> 00:04:07,513
Check it out. Check...
Yo, black people, you ever notice...
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00:04:07,551 --> 00:04:09,731
Check it out.
This is some black shit right here!
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00:04:09,771 --> 00:04:12,771
Check it out.
Don't you notice them little black cliques we got?
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Just black cliques.
I could come out and just say one thing.
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Check it out. Check this...
Mr. White Man, check this out.
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00:04:17,039 --> 00:04:19,609
Check this...
Check this... This is some black shit,
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00:04:19,650 --> 00:04:21,300
right here.
I'm not even gonna tell him. Check it out.
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00:04:21,348 --> 00:04:23,218
See, there's just
little black cliques
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00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:25,003
that us black people,
we just have.
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00:04:25,047 --> 00:04:28,217
Like carjacking.
When that carjacking shit got real large,
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00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:30,878
we learned stay inside
of that motherfucking car.
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[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]Black people, that's why
we don't get carjacked!
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See, they hit you,
you get out...
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[THUDS]
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[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]They get you!
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00:04:38,452 --> 00:04:42,462
Black people, we ain't gettin'
out that car no more.
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00:04:42,499 --> 00:04:45,549
We could be on I-95
going north or south.
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Motherfucker run into
the back of the car, we ain't getting out.
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00:04:47,809 --> 00:04:50,639
We're like, "Boom! [LAUGHS]
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00:04:50,681 --> 00:04:53,031
"Y'all better get up front,
baby love!"
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00:04:53,075 --> 00:04:54,895
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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Turn the...
Turn the music on, like, "Aw, shit!
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00:04:59,429 --> 00:05:01,429
"Y'all better get up front!"
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00:05:01,475 --> 00:05:05,035
We ain't gettin' the fuck out!
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00:05:05,087 --> 00:05:08,437
Gettin' out...
White people... White people... I love you.
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00:05:08,482 --> 00:05:09,922
But white people,
they don't even run into you,
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00:05:09,961 --> 00:05:12,181
y'all get out the car
for some old dumb shit.
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00:05:12,224 --> 00:05:15,324
White person just pull up
to the light, be like... [MIMICS BRAKES SCREECHING]
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00:05:16,141 --> 00:05:18,541
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:20,889
"Ooh, look, a quarter!"
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00:05:20,929 --> 00:05:22,669
[THUDS][AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
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00:05:24,933 --> 00:05:26,763
In that car!
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Just don't get it!
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What's up, big man?
How you doin'?
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Look like my uncle, man.
Uncle Dennis
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00:05:34,072 --> 00:05:35,812
look just like your ass.
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00:05:35,857 --> 00:05:39,507
Is it just me, or everybody
got one crazy uncle in their family?
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00:05:39,556 --> 00:05:42,166
Got a Uncle Dennis
look just like you.
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00:05:42,211 --> 00:05:44,521
Uncle Dennis watched
too many spy pictures,
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00:05:44,561 --> 00:05:46,651
so he always thinks
spies are following him.
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00:05:46,694 --> 00:05:50,054
So he only talks in code,
and nobody understand what the fuck he talking about.
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00:05:50,088 --> 00:05:51,658
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
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00:05:51,699 --> 00:05:53,349
He'll just say some shit
to you and walk away. He be like...
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00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:57,184
You be like, "What? What?"
128
00:05:57,226 --> 00:06:00,656
"The cow moos twice at dawn
while the pigeon flies west with a mosquito."
129
00:06:00,708 --> 00:06:02,748
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
130
00:06:06,409 --> 00:06:08,109
"The iguana has landed!"
131
00:06:08,150 --> 00:06:09,240
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
132
00:06:09,281 --> 00:06:10,541
Just yelling shit out.
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00:06:10,587 --> 00:06:11,677
He waiting for the bus,
brother come up,
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00:06:11,719 --> 00:06:13,019
"Excuse me,
have you got the time?"
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00:06:13,068 --> 00:06:14,198
"Sega!"
136
00:06:14,243 --> 00:06:15,943
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
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00:06:15,984 --> 00:06:17,594
Just yelling shit out.
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00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:21,770
Was at this party
last night, man.
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00:06:21,816 --> 00:06:23,856
You ever notice,
whenever you at a party
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00:06:23,905 --> 00:06:27,205
and the floor is real tight,
it's hard to dance.
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00:06:27,256 --> 00:06:28,686
Like, guys,
we on the dance floor,
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00:06:28,736 --> 00:06:30,216
we do that little two-step.
We be like, you know...
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00:06:30,259 --> 00:06:33,569
[SCATTERED LAUGHTER]
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00:06:33,610 --> 00:06:35,260
You know, that little
two-step, you know?
145
00:06:35,307 --> 00:06:37,267
Women, y'all do that
little two-step, too, you know.
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00:06:37,309 --> 00:06:40,399
But y'all be looking
for other motherfuckers. Y'all be like...
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00:06:40,443 --> 00:06:43,363
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
148
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:48,356
But always the homosexuals,
whenever they...
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00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:51,318
Their record come on,
they go crazy. They need a lot of room to dance.
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00:06:51,367 --> 00:06:53,537
[MUSIC PLAYING]Y'all notice that shit?
151
00:06:53,587 --> 00:06:56,587
"Okay! Are you ready?
My record is on!"
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00:06:56,633 --> 00:06:58,423
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]Ricky!
153
00:07:04,685 --> 00:07:07,425
[AUDIENCE CHEERING LOUDLY]
154
00:07:08,123 --> 00:07:09,823
Fuck it!
155
00:07:16,653 --> 00:07:19,923
Good night, y'all!
Name's Rob Stapleton. Peace!
156
00:07:19,961 --> 00:07:21,701
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
157
00:07:23,791 --> 00:07:25,621
[INAUDIBLE]
158
00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:33,190
That nigga is crazy!
159
00:07:33,235 --> 00:07:35,625
Okay, we gonna keep this shit
rollin' like a motherfucker.
160
00:07:35,672 --> 00:07:37,812
'Cause I...
I wanna get my laugh on, too!
161
00:07:37,848 --> 00:07:39,238
How you doin'?
162
00:07:39,284 --> 00:07:40,854
Like you just
fresh from church.
163
00:07:43,158 --> 00:07:46,418
[THROATY VOCALIZING]
164
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:47,946
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
165
00:07:47,989 --> 00:07:49,689
[HOARSE VOCALIZING]
166
00:07:50,339 --> 00:07:56,609
♪ Lean on me...
167
00:07:59,174 --> 00:08:01,004
♪ Ah!
168
00:08:06,442 --> 00:08:08,662
"Let's take up a collection."
[CHUCKLES]
169
00:08:08,705 --> 00:08:10,785
No no, all right, all right.
Check it out.
170
00:08:10,838 --> 00:08:13,798
Put your hands together,
y'all, for Macio!
171
00:08:17,018 --> 00:08:18,498
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
172
00:08:24,591 --> 00:08:26,161
[HIGH-PITCHED]
Jesus Christ!
173
00:08:26,201 --> 00:08:27,861
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
174
00:08:27,898 --> 00:08:29,898
I had to get my water
and shit now because
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00:08:29,944 --> 00:08:32,994
the Arab stores and shit,
they close down at 10:00, you know?
176
00:08:33,034 --> 00:08:35,344
'Cause in the
black neighborhoods, in Bed-Stuy, shit,
177
00:08:35,384 --> 00:08:38,174
all the Koreans and the...
And the Arabs own all the shit, you know?
178
00:08:38,213 --> 00:08:40,353
And they don't let your ass in
the store at 10:00, you know?
179
00:08:40,389 --> 00:08:41,739
They in our...
In our neighborhood,
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00:08:41,782 --> 00:08:43,612
selling shit to us
and they're scared of us.
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00:08:43,653 --> 00:08:46,003
You know, 'cause in Brooklyn,
the stores ain't really closed.
182
00:08:46,047 --> 00:08:49,527
What they do is, make you shop
through a little hole in the side of the fucking store.
183
00:08:49,572 --> 00:08:51,442
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]Y'all ever been there?
184
00:08:51,487 --> 00:08:53,177
You gotta look in there
with one fucking eye. "Yeah, yeah, Muhammad.
185
00:08:53,228 --> 00:08:57,358
"The milk!
The milk, motherfucker! The milk! Over there!"
186
00:08:57,406 --> 00:08:59,016
You know? You know,
and you...
187
00:08:59,060 --> 00:09:01,020
And Muhammad don't let your
ass in the store, you know?
188
00:09:01,062 --> 00:09:02,672
[MIMICS ARABIC ACCENT]
"We can't let you in the store.
189
00:09:02,716 --> 00:09:04,536
"You got to come early.
It's 10:00.
190
00:09:04,587 --> 00:09:07,897
"10:00, Habib,
shut the gate down! Shut it down, Habib!
191
00:09:08,722 --> 00:09:11,332
"Shut everything down!
192
00:09:11,376 --> 00:09:12,806
"It is 10:00!"
193
00:09:12,856 --> 00:09:14,636
[NORMAL VOICE] One time
I just wanted some water.
194
00:09:14,684 --> 00:09:16,344
3:00 in the morning,
wanted some water. I'm with my girlfriend,
195
00:09:16,381 --> 00:09:17,381
said, "Look, Muhammad,
you gotta hook me up, man.
196
00:09:17,426 --> 00:09:18,856
"I need some water."
197
00:09:18,906 --> 00:09:21,206
[MIMICS ARABIC ACCENT]
"Habib! Bring me the hose!"
198
00:09:21,256 --> 00:09:22,606
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
199
00:09:22,649 --> 00:09:24,869
"Stick your mouth
in the hole!
200
00:09:24,912 --> 00:09:26,872
"I cannot let you in.
It is 10:00, Habib!
201
00:09:26,914 --> 00:09:30,134
"Shut the... Shut it down!
Shut the gate down!
202
00:09:30,178 --> 00:09:33,568
"No more water.
No, no. Lotto, lotto, 6-6-6-5 come out."
203
00:09:33,616 --> 00:09:35,096
[NORMAL VOICE] I mean,
with my girlfriend.
204
00:09:35,139 --> 00:09:37,359
She pissed off 'cause
I'm taking too long shopping,
205
00:09:37,402 --> 00:09:39,142
saying, "Hurry up..."
"Hold on your backside, girl. I'll be right there."
206
00:09:39,187 --> 00:09:41,147
"Look, look, Muhammad.
You gotta hook me up here.
207
00:09:41,189 --> 00:09:44,059
"I'm with my girlfriend.
We had a nice romantic evening.
208
00:09:44,105 --> 00:09:46,105
"I need some condoms."
209
00:09:46,150 --> 00:09:48,590
[MIMICS ARABIC ACCENT]
"Stick your dick in the hole!
210
00:09:49,676 --> 00:09:51,586
"I cannot let you in here.
211
00:09:51,634 --> 00:09:53,114
"Look, look. Put it in there.
Look, I will do it for you this time,
212
00:09:53,157 --> 00:09:55,247
"but next time you
must come early, okay?"
213
00:09:55,290 --> 00:09:57,770
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]"Put it on there.
You come early."
214
00:09:57,814 --> 00:10:00,214
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
215
00:10:00,251 --> 00:10:04,171
[NORMAL VOICE] You know, and
Arabs are just so stupid, man.
216
00:10:04,212 --> 00:10:07,482
I'm so glad they made up
with them Jews, though. I'm so glad, man.
217
00:10:07,519 --> 00:10:10,649
'Cause I got tired turning on
the news and watching them Arabs and Jews fighting.
218
00:10:10,697 --> 00:10:12,127
You know,
and the Jewish people, they...
219
00:10:12,176 --> 00:10:14,606
They... They got guns,
you know? M16s, you know?
220
00:10:14,657 --> 00:10:17,357
What them Arab people doing?
Throwing rocks!
221
00:10:17,399 --> 00:10:20,659
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]You know, taking bullets
all in the ass!
222
00:10:20,707 --> 00:10:22,057
You know,
just out in the field.
223
00:10:22,099 --> 00:10:24,189
[IMITATES GUNSHOTS]
224
00:10:24,232 --> 00:10:25,802
[MIMICS ARABIC ACCENT]
"Oh, you want to fight dirty? Okay, where's that rock?"
225
00:10:25,842 --> 00:10:28,242
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]"Where's that rock? Hey! Hey!
226
00:10:28,279 --> 00:10:30,279
"Habib, cover me! Cover me!
227
00:10:30,325 --> 00:10:33,715
"Cover me! We'll put the
rock through the hole! Put it through the hole!"
228
00:10:33,763 --> 00:10:37,853
[NORMAL VOICE] And when
they run out of rocks, they run out of ammunition.
229
00:10:37,898 --> 00:10:40,468
You know, which is stupid.
Makes the Jewish people real stupid
230
00:10:40,509 --> 00:10:44,509
'cause they got bombs
and grenades, blowing up buildings and houses,
231
00:10:44,556 --> 00:10:46,646
which is making more rocks!
232
00:10:46,689 --> 00:10:48,779
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
233
00:10:48,822 --> 00:10:50,872
You know, this shit
ain't never gonna end!
234
00:10:52,216 --> 00:10:55,086
People are stupid
for no reason at all.
235
00:10:57,831 --> 00:11:00,051
You can't park your car,
you can't do shit.
236
00:11:00,094 --> 00:11:01,754
Talk about parking my car,
as soon as you park your car,
237
00:11:01,791 --> 00:11:03,841
and, man, the Puerto Rican
people live right there.
238
00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:06,060
It's like the old lady
in the window just watchin' so they can steal your shit.
239
00:11:06,100 --> 00:11:08,150
Just sittin' in the window
all day, Puerto Ricans, they're...
240
00:11:08,189 --> 00:11:10,149
[MIMICS PUERTO RICAN ACCENT]
"Mira,Hector!"
241
00:11:10,191 --> 00:11:12,061
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
242
00:11:12,106 --> 00:11:13,976
[NORMAL VOICE] Just trying
to steal your car, man.
243
00:11:14,021 --> 00:11:15,541
Puerto Rican...
Especially in my building, ain't no heat.
244
00:11:15,587 --> 00:11:17,147
Puerto Ricans
don't wanna give...
245
00:11:17,198 --> 00:11:18,238
Well, and the...
They don't wanna give me no heat,
246
00:11:18,286 --> 00:11:20,156
but they got heater ass.
247
00:11:20,201 --> 00:11:21,511
You ever go
in a Puerto Rican house?
248
00:11:21,550 --> 00:11:24,340
Just hot for no reason at all.
249
00:11:24,379 --> 00:11:26,989
It's always hot.
It's like 50 degrees below zero,
250
00:11:27,034 --> 00:11:29,654
their window's wide open,
you know?
251
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:33,169
And it's so hot,
the mother is cooking on the radiator, saving gas.
252
00:11:33,214 --> 00:11:35,354
You know what,
the walls is all sweating, you know?
253
00:11:35,390 --> 00:11:37,870
The windows is fogged up.
They always got Jesus hanging on the cross,
254
00:11:37,914 --> 00:11:40,444
hot as fuck, trying to get
off the cross. He all...
255
00:11:40,482 --> 00:11:42,182
[EXHALING][AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
256
00:11:42,223 --> 00:11:44,703
[INAUDIBLE][AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
257
00:11:47,402 --> 00:11:49,672
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
258
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:51,709
My name is Macio, y'all.
Peace!
259
00:12:00,328 --> 00:12:04,198
I ain't gonna say it,
but homeboy from Passenger 57is here.
260
00:12:04,245 --> 00:12:05,545
And, uh...
261
00:12:05,594 --> 00:12:07,384
No, no, not Wesley, but...
262
00:12:07,422 --> 00:12:08,992
[LAUGHS]
263
00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:13,560
Homeboy from Brooklyn,
he here though.
264
00:12:13,602 --> 00:12:16,782
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
265
00:12:16,823 --> 00:12:19,263
All right, we gonna
keep the show rollin'.
266
00:12:19,303 --> 00:12:22,923
Put your hands together
for Mr. Billy D.!
267
00:12:24,613 --> 00:12:26,313
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
268
00:12:34,101 --> 00:12:36,361
I was playing basketball
the other day, man,
269
00:12:36,407 --> 00:12:40,057
and this no-arm brother
walked up and wanted to play, man. He, uh...
270
00:12:40,107 --> 00:12:43,677
He had no arms, no shoulders,
no elbows, nothing like that.
271
00:12:50,073 --> 00:12:52,383
Everybody left the
basketball court
272
00:12:52,423 --> 00:12:56,173
except me and the two sorriest
brothers out there, man, everybody left.
273
00:12:56,210 --> 00:12:58,560
I told that no-arm brother,
I said, "Look here, man.
274
00:12:58,603 --> 00:13:03,093
"I know you ain't got no arms,
no shoulders, no elbows, nothing like that, but, uh,
275
00:13:03,130 --> 00:13:07,700
"me and you'll get out there
and we gonna win the game."
276
00:13:07,743 --> 00:13:12,663
Me and that no-arm
brother got out there and we got our ass tore up, y'all.
277
00:13:12,704 --> 00:13:14,144
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
278
00:13:15,838 --> 00:13:17,798
Nigga wouldn't pass the ball.
279
00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:19,710
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND CHEERING]
280
00:13:28,329 --> 00:13:31,899
Motherfucker wouldn't
rebound, man. He just...
281
00:13:36,163 --> 00:13:39,383
Shot was all fucked up,
man, just...
282
00:13:39,427 --> 00:13:41,427
Lot of comics get up and
talk about sex in their act,
283
00:13:41,472 --> 00:13:43,392
and I don't talk about sex
at all in my act
284
00:13:43,431 --> 00:13:46,131
because I think sex
is overrated. I really do.
285
00:13:46,173 --> 00:13:48,263
So overrated. Until...
When I was younger,
286
00:13:48,305 --> 00:13:51,265
when I was like 16,
I'd go to motel rooms and listen to the door.
287
00:13:51,308 --> 00:13:52,918
And by listening to the door,
you could, like,
288
00:13:52,962 --> 00:13:56,102
tell how old the people
are inside, right?
289
00:13:56,139 --> 00:13:58,839
'Cause they're, like,
65 years old, listenin' to the door,
290
00:13:58,881 --> 00:14:00,491
and the bed would go...
291
00:14:00,535 --> 00:14:05,705
[MIMICS BED SQUEAKING SLOWLY]
292
00:14:05,757 --> 00:14:08,797
If they were 40, or
a little bit younger, the bed would be a little bit faster.
293
00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:09,978
It'd go,
294
00:14:10,023 --> 00:14:12,903
[MIMICS BED SQUEAKING]
295
00:14:14,070 --> 00:14:15,940
Thirty-year-olds,
the bed would go,
296
00:14:15,985 --> 00:14:20,155
[MIMICS BED SQUEAKING RAPIDLY]
297
00:14:20,207 --> 00:14:22,557
But those 21-year-old
boys, you listen at the door,
298
00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:24,430
and the bed would go...
[IMITATES BED SQUEAKING ONCE]
299
00:14:24,472 --> 00:14:25,912
"Oh, God damn!"
300
00:14:25,952 --> 00:14:27,822
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
301
00:14:30,347 --> 00:14:32,087
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
302
00:14:34,525 --> 00:14:37,175
Anyway, I been Billy D.
God bless you, and have a good night.
303
00:14:46,494 --> 00:14:49,504
Oh, look here.
Give it up one more time.
304
00:14:49,540 --> 00:14:50,930
[CHUCKLES]
305
00:14:50,977 --> 00:14:53,237
Look at that,
hookers and tramps.
306
00:14:53,283 --> 00:14:55,463
[CHUCKLES]
307
00:14:55,503 --> 00:14:59,203
Since I couldn't remember all
them motherfucking names,
308
00:14:59,246 --> 00:15:01,376
uh, we got some more
celebrities in the house.
309
00:15:01,422 --> 00:15:03,642
We got my man from the...
310
00:15:03,685 --> 00:15:06,335
We got a couple of 'em from
the Portland Trail Blazers. Where you at? Where you at?
311
00:15:06,383 --> 00:15:08,603
Y'all playing the Knicks?
When?
312
00:15:08,646 --> 00:15:09,946
[AUDIENCE BOOING]
313
00:15:09,996 --> 00:15:12,036
Tomorrow?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
314
00:15:12,085 --> 00:15:14,905
Oh, I'mma tell Patrick
he gonna get that ass!
315
00:15:14,957 --> 00:15:16,737
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
316
00:15:16,785 --> 00:15:19,305
You know
Anthony Mason was in here.
317
00:15:19,353 --> 00:15:21,573
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
318
00:15:21,616 --> 00:15:22,966
[MIMICS MONKEY SCREECHING]
319
00:15:23,009 --> 00:15:26,399
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
320
00:15:26,447 --> 00:15:28,537
[MIMICS MONKEY SCREECHING]
321
00:15:30,103 --> 00:15:32,373
That's an ugly motherfucker.
322
00:15:33,584 --> 00:15:34,984
Is he in here?
323
00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:37,151
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]Oh, shit!
324
00:15:37,197 --> 00:15:39,937
Hey, hey, hey!
Shut the fuck up!
325
00:15:39,982 --> 00:15:41,942
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
326
00:15:41,984 --> 00:15:43,424
I didn't know the nigga
was here!
327
00:15:43,464 --> 00:15:45,604
Shh! Shh!
328
00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:48,770
Hey, y'all shut the fuck up!
That's nigga gonna kick my ass!
329
00:15:48,817 --> 00:15:51,077
You've seen him
fuck Reggie Miller up. Shut up!
330
00:15:51,124 --> 00:15:53,214
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
331
00:15:53,256 --> 00:15:55,076
Hey, bro, I didn't
really mean that, okay?
332
00:15:55,128 --> 00:15:57,428
[LAUGHING NERVOUSLY]
333
00:15:57,478 --> 00:15:59,518
He gotta know he ain't,
like, handsome.
334
00:15:59,567 --> 00:16:01,257
[CHUCKLES] No, I'm just...
335
00:16:01,308 --> 00:16:02,788
I'm just fucking
with you, dawg.
336
00:16:02,831 --> 00:16:04,791
Don't fuck with me,
all right?
337
00:16:04,833 --> 00:16:06,793
All right?
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
338
00:16:06,835 --> 00:16:08,135
Want some money?
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
339
00:16:08,184 --> 00:16:11,494
Huh? A couple dollars
or somethin'?
340
00:16:11,535 --> 00:16:13,275
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
341
00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:15,100
Laugh, come on, man, laugh.
[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
342
00:16:15,148 --> 00:16:16,928
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
343
00:16:18,629 --> 00:16:20,369
Y'all having fun so far?
344
00:16:20,414 --> 00:16:21,764
AUDIENCE: Yeah!
345
00:16:21,806 --> 00:16:23,976
Way up at the top, y'all
having fun so far, or what?
346
00:16:24,026 --> 00:16:26,116
AUDIENCE: Yeah!
347
00:16:26,159 --> 00:16:28,509
All right, check this out.
From Brooklyn, New York,
348
00:16:28,552 --> 00:16:29,952
back for his third time.
349
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:32,119
Put your hands together
for Reggie McFadden!
350
00:16:33,079 --> 00:16:35,169
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
351
00:16:38,388 --> 00:16:40,478
That is
a loud nigga, there.
352
00:16:40,521 --> 00:16:42,091
[LAUGHS]
353
00:16:42,131 --> 00:16:45,181
Oh, man, y'all look good, man.
I'm kind of tired, and shit.
354
00:16:45,221 --> 00:16:47,961
I woke up at like
5:30 this morning.
355
00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:50,837
Fucking Jehovah Witness
knocking on my door.
356
00:16:50,879 --> 00:16:53,659
I gotta move, man.
I gotta move!
357
00:16:53,708 --> 00:16:55,838
You know what the problem is?
I live right next to the temple.
358
00:16:55,884 --> 00:16:58,064
I'm, like, their first stop.
359
00:16:58,104 --> 00:17:00,764
They knock at my door
all the fucking time.
360
00:17:00,802 --> 00:17:02,062
I let 'em in, too!
361
00:17:02,108 --> 00:17:04,068
I let 'em in. I say,
"Come on inside."
362
00:17:04,675 --> 00:17:06,155
I say, "Come on."
363
00:17:06,199 --> 00:17:08,109
I sat 'em in the living room.
I gave 'em some coffee.
364
00:17:08,157 --> 00:17:11,157
I said, "What is it
that you have to tell me?"
365
00:17:11,204 --> 00:17:14,694
You know, and he looked at me,
he said, "I don't know. I never made it this far."
366
00:17:14,729 --> 00:17:16,209
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
367
00:17:16,252 --> 00:17:18,342
Nigga started
cryin' and shit.
368
00:17:19,212 --> 00:17:20,652
No other religion
does that, man.
369
00:17:20,691 --> 00:17:23,351
No other religion
comes to your fuckin' house.
370
00:17:23,390 --> 00:17:25,440
Right? They're the only ones.
Imagine that shit?
371
00:17:25,479 --> 00:17:26,349
Like, "Who is it?"
372
00:17:26,393 --> 00:17:28,613
"The Catholic."
"Shit!
373
00:17:28,656 --> 00:17:31,046
"It's the fucking Catholic.
They got the pope with 'em!"
374
00:17:31,702 --> 00:17:33,572
"Open the door!"
375
00:17:33,617 --> 00:17:35,577
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
376
00:17:35,619 --> 00:17:37,229
"Open the door!
377
00:17:38,753 --> 00:17:40,363
"Open it!
378
00:17:41,582 --> 00:17:43,112
"Open the door!"
379
00:17:43,975 --> 00:17:45,715
[LAUGHS]
380
00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:48,020
My pop's a cop, he...
He wanted me to be one of those cops.
381
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:50,717
He wanted me to be, like,
a New York City undercover motherfucker.
382
00:17:50,765 --> 00:17:53,675
I can't do that, man.
I got too much rage inside of me to be a cop.
383
00:17:53,724 --> 00:17:56,254
You know, I'd probably
abuse the power.
384
00:17:56,292 --> 00:17:58,252
You give me
a gun and a stick?
385
00:17:58,294 --> 00:18:01,124
You give me a gun and a stick
386
00:18:01,167 --> 00:18:03,997
and a badge that says I can do
anything I want to do?
387
00:18:04,039 --> 00:18:05,909
I'd be itching
to use that stick.
388
00:18:05,954 --> 00:18:08,094
I'd be walking
down the street, just walking up to anybody, just...
389
00:18:09,784 --> 00:18:11,614
[THUDS][AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
390
00:18:13,527 --> 00:18:15,267
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
391
00:18:20,795 --> 00:18:22,225
"Break it up!
392
00:18:23,232 --> 00:18:25,232
"Break this shit up!"
393
00:18:25,278 --> 00:18:27,928
I feel like there'd be
a lot of people outside who'd be out there...
394
00:18:27,976 --> 00:18:31,406
[THUDDING][AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
395
00:18:34,765 --> 00:18:36,285
"Get up, lady!
396
00:18:37,638 --> 00:18:39,288
"Get that shit moving!
397
00:18:40,031 --> 00:18:41,561
"Break it up!"
398
00:18:42,643 --> 00:18:45,123
[LAUGHING]
399
00:18:45,167 --> 00:18:46,857
Or... Or let me be racist,
400
00:18:46,908 --> 00:18:48,258
because I'll be
stalking white people at Bloomingdale's
401
00:18:48,301 --> 00:18:49,821
just waiting for them
to come out.
402
00:18:49,867 --> 00:18:51,997
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
403
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:03,140
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
404
00:19:05,405 --> 00:19:06,965
[THUDS]
405
00:19:07,015 --> 00:19:09,095
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND LAUGHING]
406
00:19:15,589 --> 00:19:17,629
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
407
00:19:17,678 --> 00:19:21,198
Oh, I gotta be mad.
"What the fuck is wrong with that guy?
408
00:19:21,247 --> 00:19:23,507
"Did somebody see that shit?"
409
00:19:23,988 --> 00:19:25,158
[LAUGHS]
410
00:19:25,207 --> 00:19:26,857
White people,
the only people I know,
411
00:19:26,904 --> 00:19:28,434
get beat up by a cop
and come back with a badge number.
412
00:19:28,471 --> 00:19:31,301
Like, "What the fuck
is your badge number?
413
00:19:31,344 --> 00:19:33,134
"I'm going to report you!"
414
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:34,482
3-5-7...[THUDS]
415
00:19:34,521 --> 00:19:37,221
Ooh! Ooh!
416
00:19:37,263 --> 00:19:40,403
Ooh! Ooh, wait till
they get this letter!"
417
00:19:42,050 --> 00:19:44,180
Then, niggas don't even
look back when we get our ass kicked.
418
00:19:44,226 --> 00:19:46,656
We just book that shit!
419
00:19:46,707 --> 00:19:50,007
"If memory
serves me correctly, you were 7-5-6!"
420
00:19:50,058 --> 00:19:52,928
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
421
00:19:52,974 --> 00:19:55,374
White people
be killin' me, man!
422
00:19:55,411 --> 00:19:57,241
You... You know who
my favorite white guy is?
423
00:19:57,283 --> 00:19:59,723
Jeffrey Dahmer.
I know he dead, but I love that motherfucker.
424
00:19:59,763 --> 00:20:02,293
I mean, he was out there
just eating everybody, man.
425
00:20:02,331 --> 00:20:03,721
Even the dark niggas, too.
426
00:20:03,767 --> 00:20:05,197
[MIMICS EATING LOUDLY]
427
00:20:05,247 --> 00:20:07,767
"Mmm! This nigga
got a lot of melanin!"
428
00:20:07,815 --> 00:20:11,375
[CONTINUES EATING LOUDLY]
429
00:20:11,427 --> 00:20:13,517
I would've loved to been there
when they killed him, though.
430
00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:16,040
That must have been
a good fight, 'cause you know Jeffrey didn't go silently.
431
00:20:16,084 --> 00:20:17,174
He was like... [GROANS]
432
00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:18,866
[GROWLING]
433
00:20:18,913 --> 00:20:21,793
[GROWLING]
434
00:20:22,917 --> 00:20:24,047
Just chewing niggas.
435
00:20:24,092 --> 00:20:26,492
"Watch out
for his teeth, man!"
436
00:20:27,922 --> 00:20:29,842
But Jeffrey was smart, though.
Jeffrey picked like,
437
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:32,410
the right people
in the world to catch, black people, man.
438
00:20:32,448 --> 00:20:34,318
Black people are
the easiest people to catch.
439
00:20:34,363 --> 00:20:36,063
'Cause all you gotta do
is get us mad.
440
00:20:36,104 --> 00:20:37,934
We come right to you.
441
00:20:37,975 --> 00:20:40,235
You know, right?
I bet you Jeff never even left his basement.
442
00:20:40,282 --> 00:20:42,282
He just sat in the basement
waiting for brothers to walk by.
443
00:20:42,328 --> 00:20:44,938
He's like, "Hey, nigga!"
444
00:20:44,982 --> 00:20:48,292
"Who you calling a nigga?
I'm a come down there and kick your motherfucking ass!
445
00:20:48,334 --> 00:20:51,124
"You fucked with the
wrong motherfucker now!
446
00:20:51,946 --> 00:20:53,296
"Ooh, it's dark in here."
447
00:20:53,339 --> 00:20:54,909
[THUDS][AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
448
00:20:54,949 --> 00:20:57,819
You know, Jeffrey just
dragged that nigga away.
449
00:20:57,865 --> 00:20:59,555
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
450
00:21:05,916 --> 00:21:07,566
Listen, that's my time.
I'm out of here.
451
00:21:07,614 --> 00:21:09,224
My name's Reggie McFadden.
Peace out, y'all!
452
00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:11,178
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
453
00:21:18,102 --> 00:21:20,152
All right, check this out.
Now it's time for, you know,
454
00:21:20,191 --> 00:21:24,411
us to bring up fly
model-macking motherfucker.
455
00:21:24,457 --> 00:21:27,327
Put your hands together,
y'all, for Mr. Russell Simmons, y'all!
456
00:21:27,373 --> 00:21:29,293
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
457
00:21:31,377 --> 00:21:33,417
Do your thing.
458
00:21:33,466 --> 00:21:35,816
Go ahead, Russell.
Do your thing!
459
00:21:35,859 --> 00:21:37,769
Thank y'all for coming out.
God bless, good night!
460
00:21:37,818 --> 00:21:40,298
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING
AND CHEERING]
461
00:21:40,348 --> 00:21:44,898
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