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[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
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00:00:09,052 --> 00:00:11,662
KID CAPRI:
It's the Russell Simmons' Def Comedy Jam!
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00:00:11,707 --> 00:00:13,797
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]
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00:00:37,602 --> 00:00:40,432
Ladies and gentlemen,
put your hands together for my main man,
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00:00:40,475 --> 00:00:42,905
Mr. Joe Torry!
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[MUSIC PLAYING]
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Ugh!
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Wassup?
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[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
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00:01:04,020 --> 00:01:05,410
God damn.
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00:01:05,456 --> 00:01:08,106
Y'all came out to laugh
with me, say "Hell yeah!"
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AUDIENCE: Hell yeah!
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Aight then, give my man
in the DJ booth a round of applause, y'all.
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[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]Baddest motherfucker.
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Kid Capri!
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Wassup, wassup, wassup?
Wassup with y'all?
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The fuck is this, man?
What the fuck is y'all?
18
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The king and queen
of the projects?
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[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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Look at that shit, they just
like, "Yo, you gonna wear your shit?"
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"Yeah, I'm gonna
wear my shit!"
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Y'all married?
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Oh, okay, that's cool.
All right.
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Man she like,
"Here the ring."
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You see that shit,
"There the ring!"
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That's cool though,
y'all. Cool.
27
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Y'all married.
You know, ain't nothing wrong with that.
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God bless. Who all...
Who else in here married?
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Anybody else
in here married?
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[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING LIGHTLY]
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Ain't that many people
married, huh?
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A white man way up there.
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"I'm not afraid to say it.
Hell, I love Beth."
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00:02:01,208 --> 00:02:02,948
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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That's cool. But I ain't
here to... That marriage shit scare my ass, man.
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For real, 'cause shit change
when you get married, y'all. For real.
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You can't be the same person
no more.
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You gotta give up a whole
lot of shit.
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Especially if you're
a guy and shit. You gotta give, give, give, give, give.
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For real, because you can't
come home full.
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[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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Little simple shit like that.
Women trip over that.
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For real. You can't come
home like, you know,
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played ball, worked out
with the fellas and shit.
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Then they're like,
"Let's go get something to eat."
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You know. My partner like,
"Nah, man, you know...
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"I'm... I gotta wait
'til I go home."
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Nigga, ain't you
hungry now?
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"Yeah, but I can't go home
and she ain't ate."
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So, she ain't worked out!
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[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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"No, man, you know,
I just, you know. I... I can't go home like that."
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Damn! Man, I'm hungry,
I'm eatin' now. Fuck that.
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Gotta eat when
I'm hungry and stuff.
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'Cause you can't even
come home with shit for yourself no more.
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You can't come home with one
of something, talking about,
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"Honey, look, look, look what
I got! Look what I got!"
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She like, "That's all
you got is one?"
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[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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You're like,
"Nah, this really for you.
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"I don't. Just...
Need nothing for myself."
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You know
what I'm sayin', just...
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That's fucked up.
'Cause, you know,
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00:03:06,273 --> 00:03:07,973
I went to Martin's wedding
and shit. Right?
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Martin got married.
I mean I was like in that motherfucker.
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I'm like "Damn!"
'Cause, it was a pretty wedding.
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Had 18 bridesmaids.
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Eighteen. Women know
like 18 women that want to be in the wedding
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'cause women, y'all always
wanna be in the fuckin' wedding coordinating shit.
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Wanna walk and cry
and all that happy-ass shit.
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You know what I'm sayin?
I'm like, "Uh-uh, I ain't doin that shit."
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Then women get...
Y'all get, y'all get all the shit too. What y'all get?
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Two big shiny diamond rings
when you get married.
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I don't... You do get...
What we get, fellas?
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You know what I'm sayin'?
Little bitty ass washer or some shit.
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00:03:38,827 --> 00:03:40,607
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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Somethin' like a keychain
or somethin', you know what I'm sayin?
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And you supposed to be like,
"I do, I do wish there were some more diamonds
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"up in here."[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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We payin' for the shit.
Why we gotta get this little ass shit?
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I ain't lyin'. If I ever buy
a girl a karat, she better eat that motherfucker.
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[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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Aight, aight, aight, aight.
First comic comin' to the stage y'all,
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living in Brooklyn.
Give it up for Drew Fraser!
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00:04:01,763 --> 00:04:04,373
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
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[MUSIC PLAYING]
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One, two, one, two.
Everybody in the house?
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AUDIENCE: Yeah!DREW FRASER: All right,
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let's kick it off.
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00:04:15,298 --> 00:04:17,648
Y'all remember
back in the day?
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00:04:17,692 --> 00:04:19,172
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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00:04:19,215 --> 00:04:21,435
Remember the weed
we had back then?
93
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Remember that
shit came in a brown paper bag?
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Yo ass got 15 joints
out that motherfucker!
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And if it didn't get 15,
you took that shit right the fuck back!
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That's what I'm talkin' about.
You can't do that shit no more.
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Too much racism in the
world now, black people.
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You know that we don't even
get fired the same way white people do?
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Hell no.
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White people get fired at
9:30 in the mornin'.
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Have the rest of the day
all to themselves.
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Black people
get fired at 4:30, 4:45.
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[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]After they done slaved the
out of us all day.
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And when white people
get fired,
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they get a letter of
recommendation
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so they can get a new job.
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Shit. Black people
get fired, we get escorted out the buildin' by security.
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'Cause they know
we're gonna fuck shit up.
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00:05:01,736 --> 00:05:04,866
"Motherfucker just
can't come fire me at 4:30 in the afternoon.
110
00:05:04,913 --> 00:05:07,353
"I done floured
the chicken all day.
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"Motherfucker, I done cooked
a whole pot of hot wings now you wanna fire me?"
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00:05:10,745 --> 00:05:12,565
Shit.
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00:05:12,616 --> 00:05:15,706
And you ever notice when
black people get fired, they tell on everybody?
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[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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"Huh? I'm fired?"
116
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"But, what about Raheem?"
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"Raheem took shit, too."
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Raheem be in the back,
"Aw, man, this nigga tellin' on me, man."
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00:05:28,023 --> 00:05:29,943
"Y'all get that
computer out my locker."
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'Cause y'all know,
we some tellin' motherfuckers.
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Shit, I know I am.
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Shit, I know if I go
rob a bank with three of my friends,
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and I get caught,
shit, we all got caught.
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Nigga, I be right there,
"Yo, y'all, come on man, we caught."
125
00:05:42,603 --> 00:05:44,433
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
126
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"Yo, they caught us, nigga,
come on.
127
00:05:46,433 --> 00:05:48,573
"Nigga, I ain't gonna do
20 years by myself."
128
00:05:48,609 --> 00:05:50,389
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING].Nigga, I got things to do.
129
00:05:50,437 --> 00:05:52,917
"Hey, Officer,
they right there. They're with me, right there.
130
00:05:52,961 --> 00:05:55,361
"Pookie, Ray-Ray, all them."
131
00:05:55,398 --> 00:05:57,838
Shit. 'Cause y'all know
we can't get away with no motherfuckin' crime.
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00:05:57,879 --> 00:06:00,399
Hell no.
See, white people get away with crime.
133
00:06:00,447 --> 00:06:02,227
'Cause white people
know how to do crime.
134
00:06:02,274 --> 00:06:06,154
See, white people kill people,
bury them in the backyard,
135
00:06:06,191 --> 00:06:08,931
and then join the search
party lookin' for the ass.
136
00:06:08,977 --> 00:06:11,327
Be all up in the woods,
"Marylou?
137
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:12,721
"Mary?"
138
00:06:12,763 --> 00:06:14,943
Meanwhile, they got Marylou
buried in the basement.
139
00:06:14,983 --> 00:06:16,683
We can't get away
with shit, y'all. Uh-uh.
140
00:06:16,724 --> 00:06:18,734
And they always
blamin' us for shit.
141
00:06:18,769 --> 00:06:21,119
Always blamin' us...
Like that white lady.
142
00:06:22,207 --> 00:06:24,507
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
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00:06:24,558 --> 00:06:25,598
Mmm-hmm.
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Uh-huh.
145
00:06:26,951 --> 00:06:29,611
She gonna put her
kids in the car,
146
00:06:29,650 --> 00:06:34,180
put them in the water,
and then blame it on a black man.
147
00:06:34,219 --> 00:06:37,179
Now what fucked me up
was she done had a sketch of a nigga.
148
00:06:37,222 --> 00:06:38,792
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
149
00:06:38,833 --> 00:06:42,583
It fooled me 'cause I
thought I recognized the motherfucker.
150
00:06:42,619 --> 00:06:44,749
I thought it looked
like Leroy.
151
00:06:45,535 --> 00:06:47,885
And Leroy just got out.
152
00:06:47,929 --> 00:06:50,929
I'm about
to tell on his ass, 'cause I got things to.
153
00:06:51,672 --> 00:06:53,462
Nigga, uh-uh.
154
00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:55,630
And they always
blamin' us for drugs.
155
00:06:55,676 --> 00:06:58,506
Uh-uh, let me tell y'all.
White people sell more drugs than us, y'all.
156
00:06:58,548 --> 00:07:00,248
Oh, yeah. But see...
157
00:07:00,289 --> 00:07:01,419
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
158
00:07:01,464 --> 00:07:03,814
White people know how to
sell they drugs.
159
00:07:03,858 --> 00:07:05,688
See, white people
get a store.
160
00:07:05,729 --> 00:07:08,779
Be sellin' drugs out,
they store for years before anybody find out.
161
00:07:08,819 --> 00:07:12,429
But you know a nigga
sellin' drugs out of his store as soon as you walk in.
162
00:07:12,475 --> 00:07:14,995
The nigga got two cans
of peas on the shelf.
163
00:07:15,043 --> 00:07:17,743
One loaf of bread,
half a gallon of milk
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00:07:17,785 --> 00:07:20,955
and a little Jamaican nigga
sittin' behind bullet-proof glass.
165
00:07:21,005 --> 00:07:22,305
Talkin' about,
"What do ya need, man?"
166
00:07:22,354 --> 00:07:24,574
"Nigga, I need
some food, nigga!"
167
00:07:24,618 --> 00:07:27,398
"Where the food at, nigga?
I got things to do."
168
00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:28,707
"Motherfucker."
169
00:07:30,711 --> 00:07:32,931
And white people
can't handle their bills like we can, y'all.
170
00:07:32,974 --> 00:07:35,114
Oh, no, they can't handle
their bills, uh-uh.
171
00:07:35,150 --> 00:07:38,330
White people get a phone
bill for $500
172
00:07:38,980 --> 00:07:40,460
and pay it.
173
00:07:40,503 --> 00:07:41,983
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
174
00:07:45,029 --> 00:07:49,379
Black people, y'all know,
we get a phone bill for $500, shit,
175
00:07:49,425 --> 00:07:52,685
we let them turn
that motherfucker off.
176
00:07:52,733 --> 00:07:55,433
Next week we got a new phone
in somebody else's name.
177
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:58,385
Niggas, y'all know
what I'm talkin' about. I got things to do!
178
00:07:58,434 --> 00:08:00,484
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]
179
00:08:11,534 --> 00:08:13,104
JOE TORRY: Drew, y'all!
180
00:08:13,144 --> 00:08:14,494
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]Let me see your belly button.
181
00:08:14,537 --> 00:08:16,057
Let me see.
You got your stomach all out.
182
00:08:16,104 --> 00:08:18,674
You got it pierced too?
Damn!
183
00:08:18,715 --> 00:08:19,925
Freaky, freaky.
184
00:08:19,977 --> 00:08:21,237
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
185
00:08:21,283 --> 00:08:22,723
I want to see Prince
and Madonna fuck.
186
00:08:22,763 --> 00:08:24,423
That's the...
That'll be the...
187
00:08:24,460 --> 00:08:28,420
That's the freakiest combo.
They just blow up and shit.
188
00:08:28,464 --> 00:08:30,994
It's too much freak
goin' on and shit.
189
00:08:31,032 --> 00:08:32,292
Both of them would be
hollerin' about...
190
00:08:32,337 --> 00:08:33,727
"Take it out my ass,
put it in yours."
191
00:08:33,774 --> 00:08:35,524
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
192
00:08:36,690 --> 00:08:40,130
"I thought I was first."
[LAUGHING]
193
00:08:44,915 --> 00:08:46,565
Joe Torry is no longer
in the business.
194
00:08:46,613 --> 00:08:50,233
"Prince and Madonna
has bought his contract."
195
00:08:50,268 --> 00:08:51,788
All right.
196
00:08:51,835 --> 00:08:55,835
Are y'all ready for
the next comedian?
197
00:08:55,883 --> 00:08:58,363
AUDIENCE: Yeah, is he funny?
198
00:09:00,322 --> 00:09:02,592
He gotta be funny.
This man is from the Show Me state,
199
00:09:02,629 --> 00:09:05,329
my home town.
Funny as hell, from St. Louis,
200
00:09:05,370 --> 00:09:08,810
Lavell Crawford![AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
201
00:09:15,337 --> 00:09:17,637
Wassup!AUDIENCE: Wassup!
202
00:09:17,687 --> 00:09:19,947
Glad to be here.
Glad to be anywhere, man.
203
00:09:19,994 --> 00:09:22,004
Had to do a rough show
last week.
204
00:09:22,039 --> 00:09:24,089
Had to do
a country-western bar.
205
00:09:24,128 --> 00:09:25,738
On the wrong night, too.
206
00:09:25,782 --> 00:09:26,832
Hang a Nigga Night.
207
00:09:26,870 --> 00:09:27,960
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
208
00:09:28,002 --> 00:09:29,792
But thank God,
I don't have no neck.
209
00:09:29,830 --> 00:09:30,870
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
210
00:09:34,661 --> 00:09:37,621
He was pretty pissed at me,
"Get his fat ass outta here.
211
00:09:37,664 --> 00:09:39,364
"He ain't got
no fuckin' neck!
212
00:09:39,404 --> 00:09:41,544
"All we can do is
choke his chin!"
213
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:44,671
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
214
00:09:44,714 --> 00:09:47,114
I know I'm big.
I'm tryin' to lose weight. I been walkin',
215
00:09:47,151 --> 00:09:49,501
but people always fuckin'
with you on the road when you walkin'.
216
00:09:49,545 --> 00:09:51,625
Like this guy gonna drive up
with a station wagon full of kids
217
00:09:51,678 --> 00:09:53,288
hangin' out the window
talkin' about,
218
00:09:53,331 --> 00:09:55,381
"Excuse me, buddy,
you know where a good place to eat at?"
219
00:09:55,420 --> 00:09:57,420
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
220
00:09:57,466 --> 00:10:00,946
He's like, "Nah, we'll just
follow your fat ass around 'til you get home."
221
00:10:00,991 --> 00:10:02,601
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
222
00:10:05,909 --> 00:10:08,389
Then this chick drives up in
this Ferrari Testarossa, nice lookin' gal.
223
00:10:08,433 --> 00:10:10,263
Gonna wind down her window,
look at me, talkin' about...
224
00:10:10,305 --> 00:10:12,955
"Pardon me,
are those Bugle Boy jeans you're wearing?"
225
00:10:13,003 --> 00:10:14,183
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
226
00:10:14,222 --> 00:10:15,702
Me bein' the debonair
playboy that I am,
227
00:10:15,745 --> 00:10:17,175
I said, "Why yes, they are."
228
00:10:17,225 --> 00:10:18,485
She looked at me
and looked at me again and said,
229
00:10:18,530 --> 00:10:20,620
"Damn, I didn't know they
made them in yo size!"
230
00:10:20,663 --> 00:10:22,193
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
231
00:10:22,230 --> 00:10:24,100
"Take 'em off
that now. Come on, bend over, big boy,
232
00:10:24,145 --> 00:10:25,965
"I don't believe this shit.
Shoot me in the ass. Don't make no sense.
233
00:10:26,016 --> 00:10:27,536
"Ain't makin' those jeans
that fuckin' big."
234
00:10:27,583 --> 00:10:29,723
I hate all kind of jeans.
I don't even like Levi jeans.
235
00:10:29,759 --> 00:10:31,199
Y'all like Levi jeans?AUDIENCE: Yeah.
236
00:10:31,239 --> 00:10:32,849
I hate Levi jeans for one
simple reason.
237
00:10:32,893 --> 00:10:34,593
'Cause they got the nerve
to put your size of your jean
238
00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:36,594
on the back
of the fuckin' jean.
239
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:38,416
I don't want my business
out on the street.
240
00:10:38,463 --> 00:10:40,253
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
241
00:10:40,291 --> 00:10:42,211
All right for you
skinny people, what you wear? Twenty-nine, 31?
242
00:10:42,250 --> 00:10:44,080
Medium-sized people,
34, 36?
243
00:10:44,121 --> 00:10:45,861
What do they put on the
back of my big-ass jeans?
244
00:10:45,906 --> 00:10:46,986
Elastic!
245
00:10:47,037 --> 00:10:48,597
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
246
00:10:53,304 --> 00:10:55,394
What kind of jeans can a
fat dude wear, anyway?
247
00:10:55,437 --> 00:10:57,867
What, Wrangler jeans?
Wrangler, I look like a big branded cow with two big W's
248
00:10:57,918 --> 00:10:59,618
on the back of my jeans,
249
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:02,049
I got those two big W's
that little shit hole in the middle,
250
00:11:02,096 --> 00:11:05,966
make it spell "wow".
Hang me upside down and spell "mom".
251
00:11:06,013 --> 00:11:08,803
Roll my big ass down
the hill going "Wooga, wooga, wooga."
252
00:11:08,842 --> 00:11:10,672
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
253
00:11:12,976 --> 00:11:16,546
I looked at one girl
that night, though. Boy, shit, boy we got it on.
254
00:11:16,588 --> 00:11:17,888
Did that oral sex thing.
255
00:11:17,938 --> 00:11:21,588
Oh, shit. Whoo! Thank you.
256
00:11:21,637 --> 00:11:24,067
All of a sudden, man,
afterwards, she's sittin' on the edge of the bed,
257
00:11:24,118 --> 00:11:25,468
this funny look on her face.
258
00:11:28,426 --> 00:11:30,076
I said,
"What's wrong with you?" She said, "I don't know.
259
00:11:30,124 --> 00:11:32,744
"I got this oily taste
in my mouth."
260
00:11:32,779 --> 00:11:34,689
I said,
"From suckin' my dick?" She said, "Yeah."
261
00:11:34,737 --> 00:11:36,997
I said, "Well, girl,
ain't you heard? Fat men greasy."
262
00:11:50,797 --> 00:11:52,887
I love you ladies.
Y'all the most powerful creatures in the world.
263
00:11:52,929 --> 00:11:54,629
Y'all... Oh, man,
I was with a woman the other night.
264
00:11:54,670 --> 00:11:56,630
Never had sex before with her
in my life, man.
265
00:11:56,672 --> 00:11:58,462
We in the bed... In the bed
about to make love,
266
00:11:58,500 --> 00:11:59,810
she gonna look at me,
sayin', "You know, Lavell,
267
00:11:59,849 --> 00:12:01,759
"I was watching
Real Sexon HBO
268
00:12:01,808 --> 00:12:03,848
"and they tie their men up
on there." I said, "And?"
269
00:12:03,897 --> 00:12:07,027
She said, "Can I tie you up?"
I said, "Hell no, I done seen Basic Instinct."
270
00:12:07,074 --> 00:12:09,604
She said look at me,
talkin' about, "Don't you think I'm sexy?"
271
00:12:10,338 --> 00:12:12,378
I said, "Yeah."
272
00:12:12,427 --> 00:12:16,127
"Don't you want me?"
I said, "Yeah."
273
00:12:16,170 --> 00:12:19,520
"Can I tie you up?" "Okay."
274
00:12:19,564 --> 00:12:22,524
So here I am, butt naked,
tied up to this fuckin' twin bed.
275
00:12:22,567 --> 00:12:24,397
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
276
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:27,135
Then she gonna look at me,
talkin' about,
277
00:12:27,181 --> 00:12:28,841
"Lavell, I wanna add
an extra incentive."
278
00:12:28,878 --> 00:12:30,788
I said, "Incentive? Shit."
279
00:12:30,837 --> 00:12:33,797
I went to college
to drop my cousin off, so I had to look that shit up.
280
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,800
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]Come to find out that
means "other shit."
281
00:12:35,842 --> 00:12:37,372
I'm like, "All right, what
you wanna do now?"
282
00:12:37,408 --> 00:12:38,928
She was like,
"I wanna blindfold you."
283
00:12:38,975 --> 00:12:40,665
Gonna look at me,
talkin' about...
284
00:12:40,716 --> 00:12:42,586
I said, "Hell no, girl.
Shit, I ain't gonna let you blindfold..."
285
00:12:42,631 --> 00:12:43,891
She gonna look at me
talkin' about,
286
00:12:43,937 --> 00:12:45,417
"Don't you think I'm sexy?"
I said, "Yeah."
287
00:12:45,460 --> 00:12:47,680
"Don't you want me?"
I said, "Yeah."
288
00:12:47,723 --> 00:12:50,603
"Can I blindfold you?" "Okay."[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
289
00:12:50,639 --> 00:12:53,559
So here I am butt naked,
blindfolded to this damn twin bed.
290
00:12:53,598 --> 00:12:57,038
And she gonna say, "All right.
Babe, I'm gonna lay parts of my body down on your mouth,
291
00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:59,690
"and all I want you to do is
taste 'em and tell me what they are."
292
00:12:59,735 --> 00:13:03,125
I'm like, "Ooh, okay!"[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
293
00:13:03,173 --> 00:13:05,873
So she leans down and said,
"Taste it and tell me what this is."
294
00:13:05,915 --> 00:13:07,915
[SUCKING]
295
00:13:07,961 --> 00:13:10,351
I said, "That's your titty."
She said, "That's right." I said, "Ah, shit."
296
00:13:10,398 --> 00:13:12,268
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
297
00:13:12,313 --> 00:13:14,233
She leans down again and says,
"Taste this and tell me what this is."
298
00:13:14,271 --> 00:13:15,971
[SUCKING]
299
00:13:16,012 --> 00:13:17,452
I said, "That's your
other titty!" She said, "That's right."
300
00:13:17,492 --> 00:13:18,712
I said, "Come on, girl!"
301
00:13:20,756 --> 00:13:24,016
So she leans down again
and said, "Taste this and tell me what this is."
302
00:13:24,064 --> 00:13:25,634
I went... [SUCKING]
303
00:13:25,674 --> 00:13:27,984
I said,
"That's your dick, bitch! Get your ass off me!
304
00:13:28,024 --> 00:13:30,204
[SPITTING] "Blah, blah, blah!"[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
305
00:13:30,244 --> 00:13:31,594
Thank you, ladies
and gentlemen.
306
00:13:31,636 --> 00:13:33,636
I did my time. My name's
Lavell Crawford. Peace!
307
00:13:33,682 --> 00:13:36,292
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING][MUSIC PLAYING]
308
00:13:43,213 --> 00:13:44,913
Oh, shit.
309
00:13:44,954 --> 00:13:46,524
What's up, cat daddy?
310
00:13:46,564 --> 00:13:48,224
Eight track Jones
in the house, ladies and gentleman.
311
00:13:48,262 --> 00:13:49,612
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
312
00:13:51,700 --> 00:13:54,880
I've got an
eight track close and play. He got the shit.
313
00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:56,835
What's goin' on?
314
00:13:58,185 --> 00:14:00,745
You know, there's 58 songs
on a eight track.
315
00:14:00,796 --> 00:14:04,366
He could fuck for two days
on an eight track.
316
00:14:04,408 --> 00:14:08,058
Go to work, come back,
the shit's still playin. Just song 47.
317
00:14:08,108 --> 00:14:09,148
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
318
00:14:11,633 --> 00:14:14,683
All right. [LAUGHING]
319
00:14:17,030 --> 00:14:21,120
Are y'all ready
for the next comedian?
320
00:14:21,164 --> 00:14:25,304
AUDIENCE: Yeah, is he funny?
321
00:14:25,342 --> 00:14:28,132
Y'all still with my ass.
Hell yeah, and it's a she, ladies and gentleman.
322
00:14:28,171 --> 00:14:30,171
Give it up for Small Fry!
323
00:14:30,217 --> 00:14:32,647
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
324
00:14:39,748 --> 00:14:40,878
Hey there!
325
00:14:43,056 --> 00:14:46,226
Hey, let me explain myself.
Like he said, I'm originally from Mississippi,
326
00:14:46,276 --> 00:14:48,096
but I live in Atlanta,
so if I happen to say something
327
00:14:48,148 --> 00:14:49,448
you quite don't understand
what I'm sayin',
328
00:14:49,497 --> 00:14:51,107
just raise your hand
and I'll translate, okay?
329
00:14:51,151 --> 00:14:52,671
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
330
00:14:52,717 --> 00:14:53,847
You're already raisin'
your hand.
331
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:55,633
How many y'all been
to church before?
332
00:14:55,677 --> 00:14:58,677
Church?
Everybody been to church. Everybody been to church.
333
00:14:58,723 --> 00:15:00,513
I went to church last month
334
00:15:00,551 --> 00:15:02,601
because we had
a family reunion.
335
00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:04,290
And it was in Mississippi,
you know, my grandma's church,
336
00:15:04,338 --> 00:15:06,948
and it was
a sanctified church. Y'all been to one of them?
337
00:15:06,993 --> 00:15:09,693
AUDIENCE: Yeah.Where the preachers be knowin'
everything you did wrong.
338
00:15:09,734 --> 00:15:13,004
He called me out, right?
I was like, "Damn, we gonna be here all day."
339
00:15:13,042 --> 00:15:15,222
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
340
00:15:15,262 --> 00:15:18,442
So I'm tryin' to repent all
this stuff while I'm walkin' up to the altar, right?
341
00:15:18,482 --> 00:15:21,752
So I get up there.
He told me to raise my hand, so I raise my hands up.
342
00:15:21,790 --> 00:15:24,310
Then he put the grease on
my hands and on my head.
343
00:15:24,358 --> 00:15:26,448
Messed up my hair, too.[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
344
00:15:26,490 --> 00:15:28,670
But he didn't say nothin',
he just start prophesizin' and stuff.
345
00:15:28,710 --> 00:15:29,890
He told me, he said,
"Look girl."
346
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:31,229
He said, "I'm gonna
tell you somethin'."
347
00:15:31,278 --> 00:15:32,668
He said, "God got somethin'
in store for you."
348
00:15:32,714 --> 00:15:34,724
But he ain't even tell me
what store it was.
349
00:15:34,759 --> 00:15:36,199
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
350
00:15:36,239 --> 00:15:38,679
I was like, "Hey, you got
somethin' in here for me?"
351
00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:40,980
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]They were like, "Naw."
352
00:15:41,027 --> 00:15:42,767
So any time a man
tell y'all somethin',
353
00:15:42,811 --> 00:15:45,031
make sure they be
more Pacific.
354
00:15:45,074 --> 00:15:47,694
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
355
00:15:47,729 --> 00:15:51,249
Lady, ladies, tell the truth.
'Cause it's a major problem.
356
00:15:51,298 --> 00:15:52,558
But see, I'm here
to help y'all.
357
00:15:52,603 --> 00:15:54,043
The only way you can fix
the problem is first,
358
00:15:54,083 --> 00:15:56,483
you got to recognize there's
a problem. Am I correct?
359
00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:58,520
Ladies, don't it seem
like as soon as we get our hair done,
360
00:15:58,566 --> 00:16:00,916
men be tryin' to have sex
and mess it up?
361
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,480
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]Don't it? Don't it?
362
00:16:03,527 --> 00:16:06,177
And then we have
sex with them, right? Then they go to sleep.
363
00:16:06,226 --> 00:16:09,576
Now our hair messed up.
We can't go nowhere.[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
364
00:16:09,620 --> 00:16:12,360
We sit there lookin' mad
'til we fall asleep.
365
00:16:12,406 --> 00:16:14,316
Then they mad 'cause we
spent all their money.
366
00:16:14,364 --> 00:16:17,064
See, you don't have to go
through that 'cause see, I have designed a way
367
00:16:17,106 --> 00:16:19,326
where we can have sex
without messin' up our hair.
368
00:16:19,369 --> 00:16:23,289
My hair been like this
since thanksgiving.[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
369
00:16:23,330 --> 00:16:26,590
I ain't missed a day yet.
But see, all it take is concentration.
370
00:16:26,637 --> 00:16:28,117
What's your favorite position?
371
00:16:30,250 --> 00:16:33,300
Doggy style.
You like it doggy style.
372
00:16:33,340 --> 00:16:35,390
So that means
you be like this.
373
00:16:35,429 --> 00:16:37,039
AUDIENCE: No!
374
00:16:37,083 --> 00:16:38,523
You didn't say
you give it doggy style.
375
00:16:38,562 --> 00:16:39,872
You said you like it
doggy style.
376
00:16:39,911 --> 00:16:42,131
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING
AND APPLAUDING]
377
00:16:46,092 --> 00:16:47,272
Boy, they comin'
on out these days.
378
00:16:47,310 --> 00:16:48,620
What you like?
379
00:16:48,659 --> 00:16:49,919
AUDIENCE MEMBER: I like
the girl on top.
380
00:16:49,965 --> 00:16:51,095
You like the girl
on top.
381
00:16:51,140 --> 00:16:52,320
Lazy bastard.
382
00:16:52,359 --> 00:16:54,229
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
383
00:16:54,274 --> 00:16:56,284
What you like, baby?
In the red shirt, what you like?
384
00:16:58,017 --> 00:17:00,057
Huh? You like to be on top?
385
00:17:00,106 --> 00:17:01,146
What kind of position?
386
00:17:02,151 --> 00:17:03,151
SMALL FRIE: Where are
her legs?
387
00:17:04,284 --> 00:17:05,634
Right up there?
388
00:17:05,676 --> 00:17:07,066
You look kind of skinny, now.
389
00:17:08,114 --> 00:17:09,904
Huh?
390
00:17:09,941 --> 00:17:11,681
You can spin me around?
I'm gonna spin around, ain't no problem.
391
00:17:12,814 --> 00:17:14,164
But ladies,
I'm gonna show y'all
392
00:17:14,207 --> 00:17:16,857
how to do these positions
messin' up your hair. Cool?
393
00:17:16,905 --> 00:17:18,595
But you gotta remember
at this point in time,
394
00:17:18,646 --> 00:17:20,256
your hair is
the most important.
395
00:17:20,300 --> 00:17:21,950
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
396
00:17:21,997 --> 00:17:23,477
All right?
397
00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:25,170
Now, we gonna start off
with the doggy style position.
398
00:17:26,001 --> 00:17:27,181
Is everybody familiar?
399
00:17:27,220 --> 00:17:28,260
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
400
00:17:28,308 --> 00:17:29,438
Is everybody familiar?
401
00:17:29,483 --> 00:17:30,483
AUDIENCE: Yeah.
402
00:17:30,527 --> 00:17:31,657
Uh-huh, that's
what I thought.
403
00:17:31,702 --> 00:17:33,052
Now ladies, when you
in this position,
404
00:17:33,095 --> 00:17:34,785
you don't want
to relax too much.
405
00:17:34,836 --> 00:17:36,706
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]Okay?
406
00:17:36,751 --> 00:17:38,841
See, the whole idea
is to brace yourself.
407
00:17:38,883 --> 00:17:40,763
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
408
00:17:40,798 --> 00:17:41,838
Let me show you how.
409
00:17:42,670 --> 00:17:44,150
See, you have a joint.
410
00:17:44,193 --> 00:17:45,463
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
411
00:17:45,499 --> 00:17:48,149
Right here.
In your elbow.
412
00:17:48,197 --> 00:17:50,767
What you wanna do
is twist and lock it.
413
00:17:50,808 --> 00:17:52,588
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND APPLAUDS]
414
00:17:53,333 --> 00:17:54,383
All right?
415
00:17:57,641 --> 00:18:00,041
See, if you lock it,
that means no matter how hard it hits you,
416
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:01,859
your head won't hit
that bedpost.
417
00:18:01,906 --> 00:18:03,426
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND APPLAUDS]
418
00:18:03,473 --> 00:18:04,523
Okay.
419
00:18:05,954 --> 00:18:07,484
Now, I'm lookin' in the crowd.
420
00:18:07,521 --> 00:18:09,001
A lot of y'all got
these long fingernails.
421
00:18:09,044 --> 00:18:10,924
Like, if you got
long fingernails,
422
00:18:10,959 --> 00:18:13,659
you can't do that too often
'cause you gonna slip. You gonna break a nail.
423
00:18:13,701 --> 00:18:16,311
So what you gonna have
to do is like be on top.
424
00:18:16,356 --> 00:18:18,526
But you wanna stretch first.
You go like, ten to the left,
425
00:18:19,489 --> 00:18:20,929
ten to the right.
426
00:18:20,969 --> 00:18:22,579
Ten in the middle.
427
00:18:22,623 --> 00:18:24,763
Let me tell you a secret.
If you do push-ups and sit-ups,
428
00:18:24,799 --> 00:18:26,759
it'll build your muscles
up in your legs,
429
00:18:26,801 --> 00:18:28,321
and it'll give you
a good balance.
430
00:18:28,368 --> 00:18:29,978
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND APPLAUDS]
431
00:18:40,728 --> 00:18:42,208
Thank y'all,
my name is Small Frie.
432
00:18:42,251 --> 00:18:43,471
[FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING]
433
00:18:43,513 --> 00:18:44,653
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]
434
00:18:52,392 --> 00:18:53,482
[MUSIC STOPS]
435
00:18:53,523 --> 00:18:55,923
Hey. Yaffle
dapple dapple dipple.
436
00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:57,180
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
437
00:18:57,223 --> 00:18:58,443
[CHUCKLES]
438
00:18:59,790 --> 00:19:01,360
Thing one and thing two.
439
00:19:01,401 --> 00:19:02,841
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
440
00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:05,930
All right.
441
00:19:05,970 --> 00:19:07,890
Meanwhile, back at the ranch.
442
00:19:07,929 --> 00:19:10,149
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS][CHUCKLES]
443
00:19:10,192 --> 00:19:13,542
Y'all ready for
the next comedian?
444
00:19:13,587 --> 00:19:16,067
AUDIENCE: Yeah, is he funny?
445
00:19:17,939 --> 00:19:20,679
From DC, y'all.
Please welcome back here for a second time,
446
00:19:20,724 --> 00:19:23,814
Will E.,
alias known as D.J. Robo.
447
00:19:23,858 --> 00:19:25,158
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
448
00:19:28,079 --> 00:19:29,079
[FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING]
449
00:19:34,216 --> 00:19:35,166
[MUSIC STOPS]
450
00:19:37,828 --> 00:19:39,698
Wassup?
451
00:19:39,743 --> 00:19:43,623
I'm here
to tell it now, first topic, we get this thing off sex.
452
00:19:43,660 --> 00:19:45,180
Y'all black women
lookin' so good,
453
00:19:45,227 --> 00:19:46,397
men, you gotta give it
to 'em good.
454
00:19:46,446 --> 00:19:48,056
Give it to 'em like Robo.
455
00:19:48,099 --> 00:19:49,229
[AUDIENCE BEGINS TO APPLAUD]Nah uh-uh!
Not yet, not yet.
456
00:19:49,275 --> 00:19:50,275
You got a lot of time.
457
00:19:50,319 --> 00:19:51,579
One girl talkin'
about somethin',
458
00:19:51,625 --> 00:19:52,445
"Since you Robo,
let me see what you can do?"
459
00:19:52,495 --> 00:19:53,665
No problem.
460
00:19:53,714 --> 00:19:55,464
Took her to the room.
I said, "Come on."
461
00:19:55,498 --> 00:19:57,408
She said,
"Get the remote control. Point it right here."
462
00:19:57,457 --> 00:19:58,627
I'm... [MIMICS BEEP]
463
00:20:00,286 --> 00:20:02,106
She pointed it...
[MIMICS BEEP] Robo transformed.
464
00:20:02,157 --> 00:20:06,417
[VOCALIZES MOTOR STARTING
AND WHIRRING]
465
00:20:06,466 --> 00:20:08,246
She said, "Damn!
Let me go get a condom."
466
00:20:08,294 --> 00:20:09,864
"Don't get no condom.
467
00:20:09,904 --> 00:20:12,084
"Condom already there,
lubricated. I'm the new model."
468
00:20:12,123 --> 00:20:13,173
It folds up.
469
00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:15,742
[VOCALIZES ROBOT SOUNDS]
470
00:20:15,779 --> 00:20:17,039
[AUDIENCE CHEERS]
471
00:20:19,914 --> 00:20:21,184
Took her to the room,
"Come on."
472
00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:23,000
[VOCALIZES ROBOT SOUNDS]
473
00:20:23,047 --> 00:20:24,267
[IN ROBOTIC VOICE]
"Bend over please."
474
00:20:24,310 --> 00:20:25,790
[VOCALIZES ROBOTIC SOUNDS]
475
00:20:25,833 --> 00:20:27,233
[VOCALIZES ROBOTIC WHIRRING]
476
00:20:28,314 --> 00:20:29,794
"Keep all hands on the..."
477
00:20:29,837 --> 00:20:31,447
Get your feet
off my stage, bro.
478
00:20:31,491 --> 00:20:33,281
Put your feet down, bro.
479
00:20:33,319 --> 00:20:34,409
Get your feet down.
480
00:20:34,450 --> 00:20:35,540
All right, motherfucker.
481
00:20:35,582 --> 00:20:37,022
[VOCALIZES ROBOT SOUNDS]
482
00:20:38,976 --> 00:20:40,976
[VOCALIZES ROBOTIC WHIRRING]
483
00:20:42,893 --> 00:20:44,333
And it was gettin' good.
She tried to run.
484
00:20:44,373 --> 00:20:46,163
I did Mortal Kombat.
485
00:20:46,201 --> 00:20:47,251
I can't tell ya. I said,
486
00:20:47,289 --> 00:20:48,329
[IN ROBOTIC VOICE]
"Come here."
487
00:20:48,377 --> 00:20:49,417
[VOCALIZES ROBOTIC WHIRRING]
488
00:20:49,465 --> 00:20:50,465
[IN ROBOTIC VOICE]
"Come here."
489
00:20:50,510 --> 00:20:51,510
[VOCALIZES ROBOTIC WHIRRING]
490
00:20:51,554 --> 00:20:52,604
[IN ROBOTIC VOICE]
"Come here."
491
00:20:52,642 --> 00:20:53,642
[VOCALIZES ROBOTIC WHIRRING]
492
00:20:53,687 --> 00:20:54,727
It said, "Finish her."
493
00:20:54,775 --> 00:20:55,855
[VOCALIZES ROBOTIC WHIRRING]
494
00:20:55,906 --> 00:20:56,986
[IN ROBOTIC VOICE]
"Step to the left,
495
00:20:57,038 --> 00:20:58,428
"and thank you
for your cooperation."
496
00:20:58,474 --> 00:21:00,224
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND APPLAUDS]
497
00:21:02,217 --> 00:21:05,567
But see, it's gotten so good,
you know, sometimes I don't mess with women
498
00:21:05,612 --> 00:21:08,012
with more than three kids.
499
00:21:08,049 --> 00:21:10,749
If you have three kids
and you pregnant, that's all right.
500
00:21:10,791 --> 00:21:12,921
But now these little
kids are bad, y'all.
501
00:21:12,967 --> 00:21:14,927
Hell, yeah. With one girl.
502
00:21:14,969 --> 00:21:17,059
Had a pretty little daughter,
just a pretty little daughter.
503
00:21:17,101 --> 00:21:19,631
I don't like her now.
Ol' bitch.
504
00:21:19,669 --> 00:21:22,589
I'm sayin' this girl's
so bad, man. This girl can roll her eyes.
505
00:21:22,629 --> 00:21:24,809
Little girl rolled her eyes
so long, she fell asleep.
506
00:21:25,762 --> 00:21:27,292
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
507
00:21:39,210 --> 00:21:40,950
[VOCALIZES ROBOTIC WHIRRING]
508
00:21:47,349 --> 00:21:49,349
[IN ROBOTIC VOICE]
"D.J. Robo, step forward."
509
00:21:49,395 --> 00:21:51,005
[VOCALIZES ROBOTIC SOUNDS]
510
00:21:54,878 --> 00:21:55,918
[IN ROBOTIC VOICE]
"Program beat."
511
00:21:55,966 --> 00:21:57,046
[VOCALIZES BEEPING]
512
00:21:57,098 --> 00:21:58,138
[IN ROBOTIC VOICE]
"Turn table."
513
00:21:58,186 --> 00:21:59,316
[VOCALIZES ROBOTIC SOUNDS]
514
00:22:01,972 --> 00:22:03,062
[IN ROBOTIC VOICE]
"Records."
515
00:22:03,104 --> 00:22:05,764
[VOCALIZES ROBOTIC WHIRRING]
516
00:22:05,802 --> 00:22:09,152
[VOCALIZES ROBOTIC SLURPING]
517
00:22:09,197 --> 00:22:12,027
[VOCALIZES ROBOTIC WHIRRING]
518
00:22:12,069 --> 00:22:15,379
[VOCALIZES ROBOTIC SLURPING]
519
00:22:15,421 --> 00:22:16,641
[VOCALIZES VINYL
RECORD SCRATCHING]
520
00:22:16,683 --> 00:22:18,643
You want to battle, Kid Capri?
521
00:22:18,685 --> 00:22:20,025
You can't fuck with Robo.
522
00:22:20,077 --> 00:22:21,507
Let's go, Kid, you go first.
523
00:22:21,557 --> 00:22:23,247
[BEATBOXING]
524
00:22:23,298 --> 00:22:25,128
[KID CAPRI PLAYS BEATS ]
525
00:22:26,867 --> 00:22:28,387
[BEATBOXING]
526
00:22:28,434 --> 00:22:31,704
[VOCALIZES VINYL RECORDS
SCRATCHING ON TURNTABLE]
527
00:22:31,741 --> 00:22:32,791
Your turn.
528
00:22:32,829 --> 00:22:34,439
[PLAYING BEATS]
529
00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:38,570
Motherfucker, you
gotta come better.
530
00:22:38,618 --> 00:22:39,838
[BEATBOXING]
531
00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:41,620
Motherfucker, you gotta
come better than that.
532
00:22:41,664 --> 00:22:42,974
[BEATBOXING]
533
00:22:43,013 --> 00:22:44,453
Can't fuck with him.
534
00:22:44,493 --> 00:22:48,323
[PLAYING FUNKY HONKING SOUNDS]
535
00:22:49,759 --> 00:22:51,889
[BEATBOXING]
536
00:22:51,935 --> 00:22:54,585
There's some hos
in this house. There's some hos...
537
00:22:54,634 --> 00:22:55,724
[BEATBOXING]
538
00:22:55,765 --> 00:22:57,025
There's some hos...
Take it back.
539
00:22:57,071 --> 00:22:59,811
[BEATBOXING]
540
00:22:59,856 --> 00:23:01,506
[PLAYING BEATS]
541
00:23:04,513 --> 00:23:06,523
[PLAYING FUNKY ROBOTIC BEATS]
542
00:23:08,343 --> 00:23:10,043
[AUDIENCE CHEERS AND APPLAUDS]
543
00:23:13,827 --> 00:23:16,397
Ah motha... [BEATBOXING]
What's his name?
544
00:23:16,438 --> 00:23:17,868
[BEATBOXING]
545
00:23:18,658 --> 00:23:19,878
He make the girls...
546
00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:21,050
He make the girls go
547
00:23:21,095 --> 00:23:23,615
[MOANS SENSUALLY AS WOMAN]
Will E., Will E.
548
00:23:23,663 --> 00:23:26,543
[MOANING SENSUALLY AS WOMAN
AND BEATBOXING]
549
00:23:26,579 --> 00:23:28,149
Thank you for
your cooperation.
550
00:23:28,189 --> 00:23:29,709
[AUDIENCE CHEERS AND APPLAUDS]
551
00:23:33,847 --> 00:23:35,147
[FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING]
552
00:23:35,675 --> 00:23:36,805
D.J. Robo.
553
00:23:37,764 --> 00:23:40,074
D.J, D.J, D.J. Robo.
554
00:23:40,114 --> 00:23:41,294
[MUSIC STOPS]
555
00:23:41,332 --> 00:23:43,382
Kid, thanks for not
fuckin' him up, Kid.
556
00:23:43,422 --> 00:23:44,902
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
557
00:23:44,945 --> 00:23:46,635
He made kid mad.
Kid was back there like,
558
00:23:46,686 --> 00:23:48,296
"Why... I'm sleepin',
motherfucker.
559
00:23:48,339 --> 00:23:50,249
"I got some shit
for your ass."
560
00:23:50,298 --> 00:23:51,948
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
561
00:23:51,995 --> 00:23:53,865
Shit. Kid been mixin'
since eight tracks, just like this.
562
00:23:53,910 --> 00:23:55,220
Look at 'em.
563
00:23:55,259 --> 00:23:56,739
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND APPLAUDS]
564
00:23:58,393 --> 00:23:59,443
Damn.
565
00:24:01,265 --> 00:24:03,345
Don't even come up here, man.
Don't even come up here.
566
00:24:03,398 --> 00:24:05,658
'Cause you gonna say
the same shit.
567
00:24:05,705 --> 00:24:08,135
Aight, aight, aight.
Aight, aight, aight, aight.
568
00:24:08,185 --> 00:24:10,405
You ain't gotta say it.
What's he goin' to say, y'all?
569
00:24:10,449 --> 00:24:12,229
[AUDIENCE SPEAKING
INDISTINCTLY]
570
00:24:15,149 --> 00:24:17,539
Thank you all for comin' out.
God bless and good night.
571
00:24:17,586 --> 00:24:19,106
[FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING]
572
00:24:19,153 --> 00:24:20,813
[AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING]
573
00:24:20,863 --> 00:24:25,413
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