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00:00:06,093 --> 00:00:09,573
[THEME SONG PLAYING]
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00:00:09,618 --> 00:00:12,838
KID CAPRI: It's the
Russell Simmons' Def Comedy Jam.
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00:00:12,882 --> 00:00:14,362
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
4
00:00:37,559 --> 00:00:44,169
Ladies and gentlemen,
put your hands together for my main man, Mr. Joe Torry.
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I don't need your
motherfucking ass, kid. Fuck you.
6
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[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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I feel this shit.
Give it up for Kid Capri, y'all.
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00:00:55,403 --> 00:00:56,403
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
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00:00:57,535 --> 00:01:00,145
Shit.
10
00:01:00,190 --> 00:01:02,630
Y'all came out to laugh
let me hear you say "hell yeah!"
11
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AUDIENCE: Hell, yeah.
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00:01:04,586 --> 00:01:06,936
All right then.
We can get started in this motherfucker.
13
00:01:06,979 --> 00:01:08,159
How you doing,
Mr. White man?
14
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[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
15
00:01:10,287 --> 00:01:12,547
You with me, man?
All right... All right.
16
00:01:12,594 --> 00:01:15,034
I just finished watching
one of your friends on TV.
17
00:01:15,771 --> 00:01:17,431
Nancy Kerrigan.
18
00:01:17,468 --> 00:01:20,168
Ice skater got beat in the
leg with a pole and shit.
19
00:01:20,210 --> 00:01:22,260
Why the fuck they put
that shit on the God damn... Why the fuck?
20
00:01:22,299 --> 00:01:24,689
They put stupid shit
on the news. Piss me off.
21
00:01:24,736 --> 00:01:27,216
You know what I'm saying?
22
00:01:27,261 --> 00:01:28,831
'Cause they kept lookin' like
The Young and the Restless and shit, and I was like...
23
00:01:31,308 --> 00:01:33,348
I'm like sitting there,
you know, like, looking at the shit like,
24
00:01:33,397 --> 00:01:35,047
"Yeah, what the fuck goin'
happen, okay?"
25
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:36,875
"Special report."
What the fuck?
26
00:01:36,922 --> 00:01:38,452
We got war?
What the fuck going on?
27
00:01:40,230 --> 00:01:42,360
What the fuck happening?
28
00:01:42,406 --> 00:01:45,796
What the fuck?
They talking about, uh, Nancy Kerrigan coming in live.
29
00:01:45,844 --> 00:01:47,244
Who the fuck is
Nancy Kerrigan?
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00:01:48,673 --> 00:01:51,893
She's sitting over there,
"And I... [BLUBBERING]
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"And I was skating
and they just started beating me in my leg and beating..."
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So what, bitch?
33
00:02:01,643 --> 00:02:06,343
Motherfucker,
I'm missing the plot. God damn it, take her off.
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I mean, I care about it
and shit, but God damn, ain't no prime time shit.
35
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Stopping the God damn shit.
They put stupid shit on the damn news.
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00:02:13,785 --> 00:02:15,735
Menendez trial.
Y'all been watching that shit?
37
00:02:15,787 --> 00:02:19,137
Two white boys shot
they fucking family up.
38
00:02:19,182 --> 00:02:22,752
Tell me they was abused.
"They tried to fuck us."
39
00:02:22,794 --> 00:02:24,544
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:31,409
Hey, fuck them.
I'm goin' shoot his daddy in the head,
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00:02:31,455 --> 00:02:35,545
shoot his mama in the head
'cause they fucked them when they was kids.
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00:02:35,590 --> 00:02:37,940
Fucked 'em 'til they was
like about 16.
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If you 16-years-old
and you still getting fucked and don't know the difference,
44
00:02:42,379 --> 00:02:44,209
that shit
don't happen to black people.
45
00:02:44,251 --> 00:02:45,731
They ain't goin' let
that shit happen.
46
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Been fucking 'em
all their life and they went crazy.
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00:02:47,906 --> 00:02:49,466
"Pop... Pop... Pop."
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00:02:51,432 --> 00:02:53,702
Like trying to say,
"I was abused all my life."
49
00:02:53,738 --> 00:02:55,698
They hit
and beat and that shit.
50
00:02:55,740 --> 00:02:57,310
That ain't abuse,
you motherfuckers.
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That ain't abuse.
I'll tell you what fuckin' abuse is.
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00:02:59,918 --> 00:03:03,268
Abuse is being beat with
a Hot Wheels track in front of your classmates.
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00:03:03,313 --> 00:03:06,193
That's abuse.[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
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That's motherfucking abuse.
55
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Mentally and physically
like a motherfucker.
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'Cause then you got
the tracks on your arms.
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At lunchtime,
what's happening?
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00:03:15,456 --> 00:03:18,326
Kids running cars up
and down your back and shit.
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That's motherfucking abuse.
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00:03:21,288 --> 00:03:23,728
That other shit is just
punishments and shit.
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00:03:23,768 --> 00:03:25,418
What it... I'll tell you
what else is God damned abuse,
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00:03:25,466 --> 00:03:27,766
and everybody,
raise your hand to this.
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00:03:27,816 --> 00:03:30,776
And this is what my daddy did.
My daddy used to beat me with an old army boot.
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That's motherfucking abuse.
"Pow! Now eat your supper."
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Motherfucking how?
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Lips swollen like
a motherfucker.
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00:03:38,479 --> 00:03:41,479
Blood drippin'
all on the plate. How the fuck how?
68
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Crazy-ass shit, man.
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00:03:46,530 --> 00:03:48,840
Tell you what else is abuse.
And everybody raise your fucking hands. You know this.
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00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:51,490
Abuse is being beat
with a God damn switch
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or a God damn extension cord.
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Raise your
motherfucking hands.
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That's motherfucking abuse.
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Especially the extension cord.
That shit.
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00:04:00,936 --> 00:04:04,326
Getting hit with
the buckle end... The plug-in end.
76
00:04:04,374 --> 00:04:07,334
I could take that other shit.
My mother start hitting me with the plug-in end. Pow!
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00:04:07,377 --> 00:04:09,677
"What the fuck?
I ain't no God damn toaster, Mom.
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00:04:09,727 --> 00:04:11,687
"What the fuck
is wrong with you?"
79
00:04:11,729 --> 00:04:13,989
My mom hit me in the
back of the head with a toaster one time.
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00:04:14,036 --> 00:04:17,866
I hate Pop Tarts.
I hate toast. I don't want to see shit.
81
00:04:17,909 --> 00:04:20,089
Nothing that
pop the fuck up. I'm mad now.
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00:04:20,129 --> 00:04:21,439
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
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00:04:21,478 --> 00:04:22,998
That's God damn abuse.
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00:04:23,045 --> 00:04:25,265
So white people,
when you're out there,
85
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I know you're thinking like,
"God damn, I'm glad I wasn't in that family."
86
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So this is what
we gone do, y'all.
87
00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:33,271
Something different
on the Def Jam.
88
00:04:33,316 --> 00:04:35,836
Now y'all gotta participate.
I'm goin' ask you all something.
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00:04:35,884 --> 00:04:37,544
I'm goin' ask
y'all something. When I come out
90
00:04:37,581 --> 00:04:38,971
and I say
"Y'all ready for the next comedian."
91
00:04:39,017 --> 00:04:43,537
You all say,
"Damn. Is he funny?"
92
00:04:43,587 --> 00:04:45,547
And you do your head
just like this...
93
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[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
94
00:04:48,157 --> 00:04:50,637
You see the way my face look?
95
00:04:50,681 --> 00:04:52,251
That's how you supposed
to look 'cause you curious.
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00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,342
You want to know what
the fuck is going on.
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00:04:54,381 --> 00:04:56,911
And we going this way.[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
98
00:04:56,948 --> 00:04:58,988
All right?
99
00:04:59,037 --> 00:05:02,077
Motherfuckers in other shows,
them motherfuckers clanking heads.
100
00:05:02,127 --> 00:05:04,737
They can't even
watch the show, they got a concussion.
101
00:05:04,782 --> 00:05:06,442
The fuckers
be going that way...
102
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That way.
103
00:05:09,526 --> 00:05:12,086
Anybody don't
understand "that way"?
104
00:05:12,137 --> 00:05:14,577
Let's do this shit right, now.
105
00:05:14,618 --> 00:05:19,098
Are y'all ready
for the next comedian?
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00:05:19,144 --> 00:05:21,584
AUDIENCE: Damn.
Is he funny?
107
00:05:21,625 --> 00:05:23,845
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
108
00:05:23,888 --> 00:05:27,588
Yeah, and he's large
and in charge from Atlanta, Georgia.
109
00:05:27,631 --> 00:05:28,941
Give it up for Bruce Bruce.
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00:05:28,980 --> 00:05:30,940
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
111
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Wassup? Wassup?AUDIENCE: Wassup?
112
00:05:42,385 --> 00:05:43,905
Wassup, New York?
What's happening?
113
00:05:43,952 --> 00:05:47,352
I talk about everything,
anybody and everything.
114
00:05:47,390 --> 00:05:49,830
Don't y'all...
Anybody have any dumb friends?
115
00:05:49,871 --> 00:05:52,051
Don't you hate dumb friends?
116
00:05:52,090 --> 00:05:53,830
I got a partner that call
me on the phone the other day talking about,
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00:05:53,875 --> 00:05:56,565
"Hey, Bruce,
uh, do this shirt match these pants?"
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Dumb for no reason.
Type of nigga rob a bank, hide in the police car.
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00:06:05,452 --> 00:06:08,632
Then nigga looking.
"Is they gone yet?"
120
00:06:08,672 --> 00:06:10,812
Dumb! You know
what I'm talking about.
121
00:06:10,848 --> 00:06:12,848
Type of brother
walk in a restaurant and know it open 24-hours.
122
00:06:12,894 --> 00:06:15,244
You know what I'm saying?
123
00:06:15,287 --> 00:06:18,807
He goes, "Hey, I know
y'all open 24, but what time y'all open in the morning?"
124
00:06:18,856 --> 00:06:21,816
Like he gonna ask
a pop quiz question. You know what I'm saying?
125
00:06:21,859 --> 00:06:23,299
Anybody here go to church?
126
00:06:23,339 --> 00:06:24,649
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
127
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Don't you love church?
128
00:06:26,603 --> 00:06:29,003
Did y'all ever
go to a church,
129
00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:31,910
preacher run out of words
to say, but he repeat his self and make it sound good?
130
00:06:31,956 --> 00:06:33,646
I went to a church Sunday
preacher say,
131
00:06:33,697 --> 00:06:38,567
♪ How long, good God almighty?
How long, hey, hey, yeah
132
00:06:38,615 --> 00:06:40,835
♪ How long long?
133
00:06:43,359 --> 00:06:46,099
Nigga's in the back,
"That nigga can preach. That nigga can preach!"
134
00:06:46,144 --> 00:06:47,414
He said nothin'
but "how long?"
135
00:06:47,450 --> 00:06:49,100
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
136
00:06:49,147 --> 00:06:51,057
Man, I went to a church,
preacher couldn't read, right.
137
00:06:51,106 --> 00:06:54,536
So they had a midget up on
the pulpit reading for him.
138
00:06:54,588 --> 00:06:57,068
You know how
black preachers try to turn it out, you know.
139
00:06:57,112 --> 00:06:59,722
Little midget holding
the Bible let me just say, "And John pulled the rope."
140
00:06:59,767 --> 00:07:02,197
Reverend say,
"John pulled the rope."
141
00:07:03,901 --> 00:07:05,341
And the midget say,
"And he pulled the rope hard."
142
00:07:05,381 --> 00:07:09,601
Reverend say,
"He pulled the rope hard."
143
00:07:09,646 --> 00:07:11,606
Midget said,
"Move your feet, I can't read what I'm doing."
144
00:07:11,648 --> 00:07:16,388
Reverend said,
"Move your feet. I can't read what I'm doing."
145
00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:18,086
He said, "No...
No, you didn't supposed to say that."
146
00:07:18,133 --> 00:07:21,753
Reverend said,
"No... No, you didn't supposed to say that."
147
00:07:21,789 --> 00:07:23,399
Midget say,
"You done fucked up now."
148
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:25,363
Reverend said,
"You done fucked up now."
149
00:07:25,401 --> 00:07:26,751
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
150
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:33,890
You can't say that in church.
The hell is wrong with you?
151
00:07:33,931 --> 00:07:36,461
And nosy neighbors,
don't you hate 'em?
152
00:07:36,499 --> 00:07:39,329
Man, every time
your door open, they door open.
153
00:07:39,371 --> 00:07:41,421
Niggas always want
to borrow something. You know what I'm saying.
154
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:44,551
I come up the step
minding my own business, you know.
155
00:07:44,594 --> 00:07:48,344
Open my door,
"Click, click, click." Don't say, "click, click."
156
00:07:48,380 --> 00:07:50,560
He come over, check this out.
"Man, I want to borrow a few dollars."
157
00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:52,990
"Hey, man.
I ain't got no money. Let that go."
158
00:07:53,037 --> 00:07:56,167
The other night I try
to sneak up my step. I'm tiptoeing up my own step.
159
00:07:58,608 --> 00:08:01,088
Unlock the door real soft
where the nigga couldn't hear me, you know.
160
00:08:01,132 --> 00:08:04,572
"Click, click, click."
Don't say, "click, click."
161
00:08:04,614 --> 00:08:08,404
Nigga come out,
"Yeah, man, uh, I heard you then."
162
00:08:12,143 --> 00:08:15,453
Nigga always want
to borrow something, don't he?
163
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,925
And smokers, it's nothing
against smokers. You know what I'm saying?
164
00:08:17,975 --> 00:08:20,495
But when you're smoking
165
00:08:20,543 --> 00:08:24,593
and you start coughing
and not smoking, it's time to stop. Am I right?
166
00:08:24,634 --> 00:08:26,294
You be around them old men,
"Hey, man. How you doing?"
167
00:08:26,331 --> 00:08:30,381
"I'm doing pretty good...
[COUGHS] Jeff... [COUGHS]
168
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,122
"Man, let me
tell you something.
169
00:08:34,165 --> 00:08:35,775
"Man, phew."
170
00:08:35,819 --> 00:08:39,169
Anybody got an uncle just
mess up a Christmas party?
171
00:08:39,214 --> 00:08:40,964
Nigga do a dance
nobody ain't never seen.
172
00:08:40,998 --> 00:08:42,908
You know what
I'm talking about?
173
00:08:42,957 --> 00:08:44,647
Nigga come in, do a dance,
"Well, hey, y'all. How you doing?
174
00:08:44,698 --> 00:08:46,178
"Oh, that's some
music playing. Watch out, boy!
175
00:08:46,221 --> 00:08:47,961
"You don't know
nothing 'bout this here. Wassup.
176
00:08:48,005 --> 00:08:50,085
"Boy, that was
before your time, boy."
177
00:08:50,138 --> 00:08:54,398
"Good God almighty, boy.
Yes, sir."
178
00:08:54,446 --> 00:08:58,576
Your mama be in the kitchen
talking about that nigga, "Don't invite him no more."
179
00:08:58,625 --> 00:09:01,665
"He goin' mess up
my good rugs."
180
00:09:01,715 --> 00:09:04,805
Have pockets real long.
You know what I'm talking about?
181
00:09:04,848 --> 00:09:06,418
Oh, man.
182
00:09:06,458 --> 00:09:08,158
And y'all, this is
my impression of leaving
183
00:09:08,199 --> 00:09:12,679
an all-you-can-eat restaurant.
You know what I'm saying?
184
00:09:12,726 --> 00:09:14,546
You know,
you walk out the door, nigga be like this...
185
00:09:16,164 --> 00:09:18,214
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
186
00:09:26,696 --> 00:09:28,606
But look here.
I'm Bruce Bruce.
187
00:09:28,655 --> 00:09:30,215
I'm from Atlanta,
large and in charge. Give me a hand clap.
188
00:09:30,265 --> 00:09:32,745
Love ya. Peace.[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
189
00:09:32,789 --> 00:09:34,699
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
190
00:09:37,098 --> 00:09:38,398
Bruce...
191
00:09:39,491 --> 00:09:41,541
Bruce Bruce.
192
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,841
That's a big ol'
motherfucker, boy.
193
00:09:45,106 --> 00:09:46,626
Gotta give
my shouts, though.
194
00:09:46,673 --> 00:09:48,763
My boys in the house,
195
00:09:48,805 --> 00:09:52,455
Joe Courtney, Oliver Mendes,
Cedric Ceballos from Phoenix Suns, y'all.
196
00:09:52,504 --> 00:09:53,594
What's up, man?
197
00:09:55,072 --> 00:09:56,072
Who's that guy?
198
00:09:57,771 --> 00:09:59,251
Who?Malcolm.
199
00:09:59,294 --> 00:10:01,514
Malcolm? Malcolm?
200
00:10:01,557 --> 00:10:04,427
You play ball?
With the Phoenix?MALCOLM: Yeah.
201
00:10:04,473 --> 00:10:06,433
I didn't know that shit.
202
00:10:06,475 --> 00:10:07,425
I thought you just was
another big head motherfucker with 'em.
203
00:10:10,087 --> 00:10:14,267
Sitting there...
Sitting there like you the head nigga in charge.
204
00:10:14,309 --> 00:10:17,399
Do you ever get
a headache this big?
205
00:10:17,442 --> 00:10:18,922
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
206
00:10:20,750 --> 00:10:23,320
Appreciate y'all coming out,
checking me out though, man.
207
00:10:23,361 --> 00:10:24,621
A lot of love for y'all, man.
208
00:10:24,667 --> 00:10:27,407
Phoenix Suns
in the God damn house.
209
00:10:27,452 --> 00:10:29,022
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
210
00:10:32,022 --> 00:10:33,552
Don't move that
motherfucking head.
211
00:10:33,589 --> 00:10:34,759
You'll knock those cameras
and shit over, man.
212
00:10:37,854 --> 00:10:41,164
Uh, you gotta give it up for,
uh, Joe Seneca. He's in the house, today.
213
00:10:41,205 --> 00:10:42,895
How you doing, man?
214
00:10:42,946 --> 00:10:44,246
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
215
00:10:44,295 --> 00:10:45,505
JOE: You a big pal, baby.
216
00:10:50,954 --> 00:10:53,914
You know I... You know
all this is because of people like you, man.
217
00:10:53,957 --> 00:10:56,437
You've been keeping
the doors open for black people a long time.
218
00:10:56,481 --> 00:10:57,611
You know what I'm saying?
219
00:11:00,485 --> 00:11:01,655
People like him.
220
00:11:03,575 --> 00:11:07,615
Now, are y'all ready
for the next comedian?
221
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:10,097
AUDIENCE: Damn.
Is he funny?
222
00:11:10,147 --> 00:11:11,977
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
223
00:11:12,019 --> 00:11:14,149
My boy from Gary, Indiana.
224
00:11:14,195 --> 00:11:16,545
Q-dog in the house.
Give it up for Buddy Lewis.
225
00:11:16,588 --> 00:11:18,198
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
226
00:11:25,815 --> 00:11:28,725
Wassup? Wassup?
227
00:11:28,775 --> 00:11:32,905
Oh, y'all, got some things
I got to talk about, y'all.
228
00:11:32,953 --> 00:11:36,303
Just gotta talk about them.
But first, let me tell y'all something.
229
00:11:36,347 --> 00:11:38,737
All this shit you hear up
here from me ain't goin' be funny.
230
00:11:38,785 --> 00:11:41,305
Okay, I'm goin' let
you know right now.
231
00:11:41,352 --> 00:11:43,092
Okay, some of y'all want
to talk to yourself.
232
00:11:43,137 --> 00:11:45,657
"Girl, he aint' funny."
Well, fuck it, I warned you.
233
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,705
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
234
00:11:47,750 --> 00:11:51,100
I mean, what the hell
you expect for free, huh?
235
00:11:51,145 --> 00:11:52,705
Who the hell did you think
was gonna walk out the door?
236
00:11:52,755 --> 00:11:55,145
Maybe Martin,
maybe Damon Wayans? Ah, hell no.
237
00:11:55,192 --> 00:11:58,462
Well, for free you get Buddy,
Joe and the rest of them God damn comics in the back,
238
00:11:58,500 --> 00:12:00,070
so chuckle it up, God damn it.
239
00:12:00,110 --> 00:12:02,030
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
240
00:12:02,069 --> 00:12:03,979
Oh, and you better
laugh now for free,
241
00:12:04,027 --> 00:12:06,327
'cause I'm gone tell you,
when I get big as Damon and Eddie
242
00:12:06,377 --> 00:12:08,677
and all the rest
of them motherfuckers,
243
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,948
I'm gonna be just like Martin.
Universal, whatever it is. What's that studio?
244
00:12:10,991 --> 00:12:14,561
City... Radio City Music Hall.
Charging $55 for these same God damn jokes.
245
00:12:14,603 --> 00:12:16,043
Chuckle it up now,
God damn it.
246
00:12:16,083 --> 00:12:17,743
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
247
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:24,661
See I'm...
Hey, I got a lot of things I got to talk about.
248
00:12:24,700 --> 00:12:27,180
This old rap music shit.
Hey, I love it.
249
00:12:27,224 --> 00:12:29,104
Gangsta rap,
I love all that shit.
250
00:12:29,139 --> 00:12:31,359
I just can't deal with
these God damn gangsta ballads now.
251
00:12:31,402 --> 00:12:34,192
That's what's killing me.
252
00:12:34,231 --> 00:12:37,891
Ignorant ass rappers,
I don't understand. If you're hard, stay hard.
253
00:12:37,931 --> 00:12:40,191
Don't change your shit up
'cause you're on TV.
254
00:12:40,237 --> 00:12:42,587
You know, getting an award.
You know they change that shit up.
255
00:12:42,631 --> 00:12:44,851
They come out from out
the back about to get an award,
256
00:12:44,894 --> 00:12:48,294
"All right, all right, okay,
thank y'all for this award,
257
00:12:48,332 --> 00:12:49,942
"but first I want
to say something.
258
00:12:49,986 --> 00:12:52,506
"I want to say thanks
to my lord and savior Jesus Christ
259
00:12:52,554 --> 00:12:53,824
"for helping
me write the song..."
260
00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:55,300
Bust the motherfuckers
with the AK!
261
00:12:55,339 --> 00:12:56,559
Something's wrong.
262
00:13:00,605 --> 00:13:02,085
Is it just me?
263
00:13:02,129 --> 00:13:05,699
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
264
00:13:05,741 --> 00:13:07,961
We are different.
I tell you, brothers, we are different.
265
00:13:08,004 --> 00:13:09,924
Brothers and sisters,
we are different from all other people.
266
00:13:09,963 --> 00:13:12,443
Black and white people
are different.
267
00:13:12,487 --> 00:13:14,787
I can tell you I'm from
a predominantly black family, and I can tell you it's true.
268
00:13:14,837 --> 00:13:16,797
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
269
00:13:18,275 --> 00:13:20,355
I say predominantly
'cause I got a white aunt.
270
00:13:20,408 --> 00:13:23,238
Hey... Hey... Hey,
don't look at me like, huh...
271
00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:25,410
Some of y'all got some
interracial relatives.
272
00:13:25,456 --> 00:13:30,326
They might not
be here in 1994, but back in 1865, Massa mo,
273
00:13:30,374 --> 00:13:33,384
some of y'all
got some white relatives.
274
00:13:33,421 --> 00:13:37,291
Got a white aunt.
She always trying to help my mother cook at holiday.
275
00:13:40,341 --> 00:13:42,561
Now, you know I got them
kind of aunts, them Aunt Jemima kind,
276
00:13:42,604 --> 00:13:45,834
"Hey... Hey...
Hey, let's go. We goin' eat."
277
00:13:45,868 --> 00:13:47,868
She in there trying to help
them cook, y'all.
278
00:13:47,914 --> 00:13:49,964
Don't know nothing
about no black spices.
279
00:13:52,527 --> 00:13:53,957
She come in there
talking about,
280
00:13:54,007 --> 00:13:56,437
[WHINING] "Oh, I've have it
this year. I've had it.
281
00:13:56,487 --> 00:13:58,967
"Every year you
come to my house.
282
00:13:59,012 --> 00:14:03,322
"I have to sit out there
and watch you all cook. This year I'm gonna help."
283
00:14:03,364 --> 00:14:05,544
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
284
00:14:05,583 --> 00:14:08,803
"I'm gonna corn the bread.
I'm gonna collar the greens.
285
00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:10,888
"I'm gonna black
the eyes on the peas."
286
00:14:15,028 --> 00:14:17,328
My mother's like,
287
00:14:17,378 --> 00:14:19,598
"Get your ass in that kitchen
and stir up that Kool-Aid. That's what you do."
288
00:14:19,641 --> 00:14:21,211
[CHUCKLES]
289
00:14:21,251 --> 00:14:23,251
Black and white people
are different.
290
00:14:23,297 --> 00:14:25,167
Even the way
we walk down the street, you don't see white people
291
00:14:25,212 --> 00:14:26,822
walking down the street
and trip on something, you know.
292
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,126
It's just different,
you know. You see...
293
00:14:28,171 --> 00:14:29,691
[HUMMING]
294
00:14:29,738 --> 00:14:32,128
"Oh! Hey, looky there.
I almost tripped.
295
00:14:34,177 --> 00:14:36,827
"Heaven sake, go away!"
296
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,046
Brothers walk down
the street it's completely different, isn't it,
297
00:14:39,095 --> 00:14:42,655
because brothers have to make
an athletic event out of everything.
298
00:14:42,707 --> 00:14:44,357
You know you
see brothers walking down the street it's...
299
00:14:48,670 --> 00:14:50,670
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
300
00:15:01,552 --> 00:15:05,472
[LAUGHS] "Shit.
301
00:15:06,514 --> 00:15:10,084
"Whoo! [LAUGHS]
302
00:15:10,126 --> 00:15:13,256
"Almost got the kid, baby,
but I'm too cool for that."
303
00:15:13,303 --> 00:15:15,183
My name's Buddy Lewis. Peace.
304
00:15:15,218 --> 00:15:17,218
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS]
305
00:15:21,268 --> 00:15:25,228
Big Buddy Lewis,
big Buddy Lewis.
306
00:15:25,272 --> 00:15:29,932
Shit. Hey, we got
some fine-ass, pretty-ass, sexy-ass,
307
00:15:29,972 --> 00:15:32,892
international cuties
in the house.
308
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:34,852
International
Cover Girlmodels.
309
00:15:34,890 --> 00:15:37,630
Look at them up there.
Cynthia Bailey, where you at?What's up?
310
00:15:37,675 --> 00:15:39,155
Yeah, put the fists up!
311
00:15:43,768 --> 00:15:45,948
Beverly Peele, where you at?
312
00:15:45,988 --> 00:15:48,428
Hey, you living...
I'm living... I be living with your ass in a minute.
313
00:15:51,254 --> 00:15:54,784
And Kiara.
Hey, there we go.
314
00:15:54,823 --> 00:15:56,963
I like that type of shit now.
315
00:15:57,782 --> 00:15:59,612
Say what?
316
00:15:59,654 --> 00:16:02,874
She's a mama? You pregnant?
Cool. You don't look like you pregnant.
317
00:16:02,918 --> 00:16:05,358
God bless the child.
Iggly biggly beek.
318
00:16:05,399 --> 00:16:06,919
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
319
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:09,576
Powers from Uncle Joey.
320
00:16:09,620 --> 00:16:12,840
All right... All right...
You... You know what you having?
321
00:16:12,884 --> 00:16:14,934
Not yet? You gonna have
an ultrasound or something?
322
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:17,634
That's some stupid stuff,
give an ultrasound, look in there at a baby.
323
00:16:17,672 --> 00:16:20,592
Might be a mad-ass baby,
you bothering him with all them lights and shit.
324
00:16:20,631 --> 00:16:24,161
Get a picture back,
the baby like this...
325
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:27,600
"I'm trying to get some sleep.
It ain't time to come out yet."
326
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:31,689
Thanks for coming by,
all right.
327
00:16:31,729 --> 00:16:36,039
Are y'all ready
for the next comedian?
328
00:16:36,082 --> 00:16:39,782
AUDIENCE: Damn.
Is he funny?
329
00:16:39,824 --> 00:16:42,484
Hell, yeah.
From my hometown, St. Louis, Missouri.
330
00:16:42,523 --> 00:16:45,183
Give it up
for the world famous Guy T.
331
00:16:45,221 --> 00:16:47,921
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
332
00:16:53,925 --> 00:16:55,795
Damn. I got a quick
knock-knock joke.
333
00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:57,670
Y'all with me?AUDIENCE: Yeah.
334
00:16:57,712 --> 00:16:59,152
Y'all know how to do
a knock-knock joke, right?AUDIENCE: Yeah.
335
00:16:59,192 --> 00:17:00,322
I don't want no nigga going...
336
00:17:03,152 --> 00:17:05,332
Answer the God damn
door and some shit.
337
00:17:05,372 --> 00:17:07,422
Knock-knock.AUDIENCE: Who's there?
338
00:17:07,461 --> 00:17:10,641
Little boy blue.AUDIENCE: Little boy blue who?
339
00:17:10,681 --> 00:17:11,811
Michael Jackson.
340
00:17:11,856 --> 00:17:13,726
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
341
00:17:24,869 --> 00:17:28,569
No, no. Mike didn't do it.
It's just a joke I heard.
342
00:17:28,612 --> 00:17:32,142
You can go and tell your
friends and they'll love ya.
343
00:17:32,181 --> 00:17:34,101
He didn't do it.
I don't think Mike did it.
344
00:17:34,140 --> 00:17:38,450
Damn. Negroes in the house.
I love this, God damn.
345
00:17:38,492 --> 00:17:41,102
Living in L.A., gang capitol
of the God damn world.
346
00:17:41,147 --> 00:17:43,187
What's all this shit,
the damn gang sign?
347
00:17:44,889 --> 00:17:46,199
Nigga did that to me,
I thought he was trying
348
00:17:46,239 --> 00:17:47,759
to get a booger
off his God damn hand.
349
00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:53,159
Then they walk around in
the damn bandanas like they some God damn pirates.
350
00:17:53,202 --> 00:17:56,292
"Aye-aye, matey."
351
00:17:56,336 --> 00:17:59,596
I got to L.A., had to
walk around butt naked in a bow tie for two weeks.
352
00:17:59,643 --> 00:18:01,303
I ain't know
what fucking color to wear.
353
00:18:02,777 --> 00:18:04,647
Can't wear red,
can't wear blue,
354
00:18:04,692 --> 00:18:07,172
can't wear pink
'cause they got gay gangs.
355
00:18:07,216 --> 00:18:09,566
They walk around
throwing daisies and rose petals on your car.
356
00:18:12,743 --> 00:18:16,403
They out the closet.
They on the front porch like a motherfucker.
357
00:18:16,443 --> 00:18:18,583
Then you gotta watch
what neighborhood you go in.
358
00:18:18,619 --> 00:18:20,139
Niggers can't go
in Beverly Hills.
359
00:18:20,186 --> 00:18:22,186
They got a gang, LAPD.
360
00:18:23,319 --> 00:18:25,759
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING,
APPLAUDING]
361
00:18:28,237 --> 00:18:30,147
They beating the shit
out of niggas.
362
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:32,590
That's fucked up.
363
00:18:32,633 --> 00:18:34,203
Then they're recruiting kids.
364
00:18:34,243 --> 00:18:36,383
They got kids in these
damn gangs now.
365
00:18:36,419 --> 00:18:37,549
They walking around.
366
00:18:40,380 --> 00:18:42,950
Kids ain't even kids
no damn more. They ain't got no respect.
367
00:18:42,991 --> 00:18:45,301
Last week, nine-year-old boy
shot at his mom.
368
00:18:45,341 --> 00:18:50,091
"Pow. Now, bitch, you go to
your fucking room now."
369
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:53,999
"I'm Tony Montana.
Let me introduce you to my little friend."
370
00:18:54,045 --> 00:18:56,045
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
371
00:18:56,091 --> 00:18:57,791
They ain't kids
no damn more.
372
00:18:57,832 --> 00:19:00,232
Kids used to be born
weighing what, seven pound eight ounces?
373
00:19:00,269 --> 00:19:03,139
Now they being born weighing
25 pound, drinking 40 ounces.
374
00:19:04,534 --> 00:19:06,154
Doctors don't deliver
babies no more.
375
00:19:06,188 --> 00:19:07,888
They just walkin' out
the pussy, now, Nikes first.
376
00:19:07,929 --> 00:19:09,929
Pow![AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
377
00:19:15,328 --> 00:19:16,888
Fuck wrong with them?
378
00:19:16,938 --> 00:19:19,108
And every woman
I meet now got kids.
379
00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:21,158
I don't mind meeting
a woman with kids,
380
00:19:21,203 --> 00:19:23,343
but they got three or four
of them bastards.
381
00:19:23,379 --> 00:19:26,209
Like I got a sign on
my head that say, "Lost daddy. Help me."
382
00:19:29,298 --> 00:19:31,948
I mean, if you got kids,
some manners would be nice.
383
00:19:31,996 --> 00:19:36,036
'Cause every time I go over
to the house to get my groove on, to do my thing,
384
00:19:36,087 --> 00:19:39,087
thinking everything's
gonna be all right,
385
00:19:39,134 --> 00:19:40,964
first thing I hear
are the kids.
386
00:19:41,005 --> 00:19:45,395
"We hungry." Not "hi"
or "what's up?" but "we hungry."
387
00:19:45,445 --> 00:19:48,315
They'll be lined up
at the door like little baby birds in a nest.
388
00:19:48,361 --> 00:19:51,361
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
389
00:19:51,407 --> 00:19:53,497
And I tell their ass,
"Look here,
390
00:19:53,540 --> 00:19:56,150
"I may put a big
worm in your mama mouth..."
391
00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:58,105
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
392
00:20:01,330 --> 00:20:03,770
"But I ain't putting
a God damn thing in yours.
393
00:20:03,811 --> 00:20:06,121
"Now get on like
you been shit on, God damn."
394
00:20:09,730 --> 00:20:11,690
And the SWV.
395
00:20:11,732 --> 00:20:14,562
Everybody's talking
about that, the woman's national anthem, Downtown.
396
00:20:17,085 --> 00:20:20,475
SWV... Has anyone
seen these hos?
397
00:20:20,523 --> 00:20:22,263
If they want brothers
to go downtown,
398
00:20:22,308 --> 00:20:24,398
they better go uptown
and get some fucking makeup.
399
00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:26,530
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
400
00:20:32,187 --> 00:20:33,707
I mean, is it me?
401
00:20:33,754 --> 00:20:36,894
Is it me, or does SWV
look like Jodeci in drag?
402
00:20:36,931 --> 00:20:38,931
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
403
00:20:46,288 --> 00:20:47,988
My name is Guy T.,
y'all. Peace.
404
00:20:50,074 --> 00:20:52,034
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
405
00:20:55,471 --> 00:20:57,951
World famous
Guy T. in the house.
406
00:21:03,914 --> 00:21:05,574
Oh, shit.
407
00:21:09,355 --> 00:21:11,655
Y'all know that's
my little brother, right?
408
00:21:11,705 --> 00:21:13,705
That's my little brother,
y'all. Give it up one more time.
409
00:21:13,750 --> 00:21:15,670
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
410
00:21:19,452 --> 00:21:21,372
I didn't want to say shit
at first 'cause he the bomb,
411
00:21:21,410 --> 00:21:23,720
but I'd be like,
"Get the fuck on." [CHUCKLES]
412
00:21:27,155 --> 00:21:29,845
Love you, man.
That motherfucker be workin' hard, y'all.
413
00:21:29,897 --> 00:21:34,467
Shit. From my heart.
From my heart.
414
00:21:34,510 --> 00:21:37,430
Ain't shit else to say.
Russell, get up... The fuck up here, man.
415
00:21:38,645 --> 00:21:40,205
Get the fuck up here.
416
00:21:41,125 --> 00:21:42,475
Only on HBO.
417
00:21:43,911 --> 00:21:45,831
What you gotta say
for the peoples?
418
00:21:45,869 --> 00:21:49,219
Thanks for coming out.
God bless you. Goodnight.Love y'all. Thank you.
419
00:21:49,264 --> 00:21:51,884
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING
AND CHEERING]
420
00:21:51,919 --> 00:21:54,139
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
421
00:21:54,189 --> 00:21:58,739
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