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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,093 --> 00:00:09,573 [THEME SONG PLAYING] 2 00:00:09,618 --> 00:00:12,838 KID CAPRI: It's the Russell Simmons' Def Comedy Jam. 3 00:00:12,882 --> 00:00:14,362 [AUDIENCE CHEERING] 4 00:00:37,559 --> 00:00:44,169 Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for my main man, Mr. Joe Torry. 5 00:00:48,309 --> 00:00:50,699 I don't need your motherfucking ass, kid. Fuck you. 6 00:00:50,746 --> 00:00:52,696 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 7 00:00:52,748 --> 00:00:55,358 I feel this shit. Give it up for Kid Capri, y'all. 8 00:00:55,403 --> 00:00:56,403 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 9 00:00:57,535 --> 00:01:00,145 Shit. 10 00:01:00,190 --> 00:01:02,630 Y'all came out to laugh let me hear you say "hell yeah!" 11 00:01:02,671 --> 00:01:04,541 AUDIENCE: Hell, yeah. 12 00:01:04,586 --> 00:01:06,936 All right then. We can get started in this motherfucker. 13 00:01:06,979 --> 00:01:08,159 How you doing, Mr. White man? 14 00:01:08,198 --> 00:01:10,238 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 15 00:01:10,287 --> 00:01:12,547 You with me, man? All right... All right. 16 00:01:12,594 --> 00:01:15,034 I just finished watching one of your friends on TV. 17 00:01:15,771 --> 00:01:17,431 Nancy Kerrigan. 18 00:01:17,468 --> 00:01:20,168 Ice skater got beat in the leg with a pole and shit. 19 00:01:20,210 --> 00:01:22,260 Why the fuck they put that shit on the God damn... Why the fuck? 20 00:01:22,299 --> 00:01:24,689 They put stupid shit on the news. Piss me off. 21 00:01:24,736 --> 00:01:27,216 You know what I'm saying? 22 00:01:27,261 --> 00:01:28,831 'Cause they kept lookin' like The Young and the Restless and shit, and I was like... 23 00:01:31,308 --> 00:01:33,348 I'm like sitting there, you know, like, looking at the shit like, 24 00:01:33,397 --> 00:01:35,047 "Yeah, what the fuck goin' happen, okay?" 25 00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:36,875 "Special report." What the fuck? 26 00:01:36,922 --> 00:01:38,452 We got war? What the fuck going on? 27 00:01:40,230 --> 00:01:42,360 What the fuck happening? 28 00:01:42,406 --> 00:01:45,796 What the fuck? They talking about, uh, Nancy Kerrigan coming in live. 29 00:01:45,844 --> 00:01:47,244 Who the fuck is Nancy Kerrigan? 30 00:01:48,673 --> 00:01:51,893 She's sitting over there, "And I... [BLUBBERING] 31 00:01:51,937 --> 00:01:56,937 "And I was skating and they just started beating me in my leg and beating..." 32 00:01:58,030 --> 00:01:59,160 So what, bitch? 33 00:02:01,643 --> 00:02:06,343 Motherfucker, I'm missing the plot. God damn it, take her off. 34 00:02:06,387 --> 00:02:10,957 I mean, I care about it and shit, but God damn, ain't no prime time shit. 35 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:13,740 Stopping the God damn shit. They put stupid shit on the damn news. 36 00:02:13,785 --> 00:02:15,735 Menendez trial. Y'all been watching that shit? 37 00:02:15,787 --> 00:02:19,137 Two white boys shot they fucking family up. 38 00:02:19,182 --> 00:02:22,752 Tell me they was abused. "They tried to fuck us." 39 00:02:22,794 --> 00:02:24,544 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 40 00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:31,409 Hey, fuck them. I'm goin' shoot his daddy in the head, 41 00:02:31,455 --> 00:02:35,545 shoot his mama in the head 'cause they fucked them when they was kids. 42 00:02:35,590 --> 00:02:37,940 Fucked 'em 'til they was like about 16. 43 00:02:37,983 --> 00:02:42,343 If you 16-years-old and you still getting fucked and don't know the difference, 44 00:02:42,379 --> 00:02:44,209 that shit don't happen to black people. 45 00:02:44,251 --> 00:02:45,731 They ain't goin' let that shit happen. 46 00:02:45,774 --> 00:02:47,864 Been fucking 'em all their life and they went crazy. 47 00:02:47,906 --> 00:02:49,466 "Pop... Pop... Pop." 48 00:02:51,432 --> 00:02:53,702 Like trying to say, "I was abused all my life." 49 00:02:53,738 --> 00:02:55,698 They hit and beat and that shit. 50 00:02:55,740 --> 00:02:57,310 That ain't abuse, you motherfuckers. 51 00:02:57,351 --> 00:02:59,881 That ain't abuse. I'll tell you what fuckin' abuse is. 52 00:02:59,918 --> 00:03:03,268 Abuse is being beat with a Hot Wheels track in front of your classmates. 53 00:03:03,313 --> 00:03:06,193 That's abuse.[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 54 00:03:07,143 --> 00:03:09,933 That's motherfucking abuse. 55 00:03:09,972 --> 00:03:12,192 Mentally and physically like a motherfucker. 56 00:03:12,235 --> 00:03:13,845 'Cause then you got the tracks on your arms. 57 00:03:13,889 --> 00:03:15,409 At lunchtime, what's happening? 58 00:03:15,456 --> 00:03:18,326 Kids running cars up and down your back and shit. 59 00:03:19,677 --> 00:03:21,237 That's motherfucking abuse. 60 00:03:21,288 --> 00:03:23,728 That other shit is just punishments and shit. 61 00:03:23,768 --> 00:03:25,418 What it... I'll tell you what else is God damned abuse, 62 00:03:25,466 --> 00:03:27,766 and everybody, raise your hand to this. 63 00:03:27,816 --> 00:03:30,776 And this is what my daddy did. My daddy used to beat me with an old army boot. 64 00:03:30,819 --> 00:03:33,949 That's motherfucking abuse. "Pow! Now eat your supper." 65 00:03:33,996 --> 00:03:35,476 Motherfucking how? 66 00:03:36,955 --> 00:03:38,435 Lips swollen like a motherfucker. 67 00:03:38,479 --> 00:03:41,479 Blood drippin' all on the plate. How the fuck how? 68 00:03:44,093 --> 00:03:46,493 Crazy-ass shit, man. 69 00:03:46,530 --> 00:03:48,840 Tell you what else is abuse. And everybody raise your fucking hands. You know this. 70 00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:51,490 Abuse is being beat with a God damn switch 71 00:03:51,535 --> 00:03:53,405 or a God damn extension cord. 72 00:03:53,450 --> 00:03:54,890 Raise your motherfucking hands. 73 00:03:57,149 --> 00:03:58,979 That's motherfucking abuse. 74 00:03:59,021 --> 00:04:00,891 Especially the extension cord. That shit. 75 00:04:00,936 --> 00:04:04,326 Getting hit with the buckle end... The plug-in end. 76 00:04:04,374 --> 00:04:07,334 I could take that other shit. My mother start hitting me with the plug-in end. Pow! 77 00:04:07,377 --> 00:04:09,677 "What the fuck? I ain't no God damn toaster, Mom. 78 00:04:09,727 --> 00:04:11,687 "What the fuck is wrong with you?" 79 00:04:11,729 --> 00:04:13,989 My mom hit me in the back of the head with a toaster one time. 80 00:04:14,036 --> 00:04:17,866 I hate Pop Tarts. I hate toast. I don't want to see shit. 81 00:04:17,909 --> 00:04:20,089 Nothing that pop the fuck up. I'm mad now. 82 00:04:20,129 --> 00:04:21,439 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 83 00:04:21,478 --> 00:04:22,998 That's God damn abuse. 84 00:04:23,045 --> 00:04:25,265 So white people, when you're out there, 85 00:04:25,308 --> 00:04:27,088 I know you're thinking like, "God damn, I'm glad I wasn't in that family." 86 00:04:29,486 --> 00:04:31,226 So this is what we gone do, y'all. 87 00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:33,271 Something different on the Def Jam. 88 00:04:33,316 --> 00:04:35,836 Now y'all gotta participate. I'm goin' ask you all something. 89 00:04:35,884 --> 00:04:37,544 I'm goin' ask y'all something. When I come out 90 00:04:37,581 --> 00:04:38,971 and I say "Y'all ready for the next comedian." 91 00:04:39,017 --> 00:04:43,537 You all say, "Damn. Is he funny?" 92 00:04:43,587 --> 00:04:45,547 And you do your head just like this... 93 00:04:45,589 --> 00:04:48,109 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 94 00:04:48,157 --> 00:04:50,637 You see the way my face look? 95 00:04:50,681 --> 00:04:52,251 That's how you supposed to look 'cause you curious. 96 00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,342 You want to know what the fuck is going on. 97 00:04:54,381 --> 00:04:56,911 And we going this way.[AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 98 00:04:56,948 --> 00:04:58,988 All right? 99 00:04:59,037 --> 00:05:02,077 Motherfuckers in other shows, them motherfuckers clanking heads. 100 00:05:02,127 --> 00:05:04,737 They can't even watch the show, they got a concussion. 101 00:05:04,782 --> 00:05:06,442 The fuckers be going that way... 102 00:05:07,829 --> 00:05:09,479 That way. 103 00:05:09,526 --> 00:05:12,086 Anybody don't understand "that way"? 104 00:05:12,137 --> 00:05:14,577 Let's do this shit right, now. 105 00:05:14,618 --> 00:05:19,098 Are y'all ready for the next comedian? 106 00:05:19,144 --> 00:05:21,584 AUDIENCE: Damn. Is he funny? 107 00:05:21,625 --> 00:05:23,845 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 108 00:05:23,888 --> 00:05:27,588 Yeah, and he's large and in charge from Atlanta, Georgia. 109 00:05:27,631 --> 00:05:28,941 Give it up for Bruce Bruce. 110 00:05:28,980 --> 00:05:30,940 [HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING] 111 00:05:40,165 --> 00:05:42,335 Wassup? Wassup?AUDIENCE: Wassup? 112 00:05:42,385 --> 00:05:43,905 Wassup, New York? What's happening? 113 00:05:43,952 --> 00:05:47,352 I talk about everything, anybody and everything. 114 00:05:47,390 --> 00:05:49,830 Don't y'all... Anybody have any dumb friends? 115 00:05:49,871 --> 00:05:52,051 Don't you hate dumb friends? 116 00:05:52,090 --> 00:05:53,830 I got a partner that call me on the phone the other day talking about, 117 00:05:53,875 --> 00:05:56,565 "Hey, Bruce, uh, do this shirt match these pants?" 118 00:05:59,184 --> 00:06:02,584 Dumb for no reason. Type of nigga rob a bank, hide in the police car. 119 00:06:05,452 --> 00:06:08,632 Then nigga looking. "Is they gone yet?" 120 00:06:08,672 --> 00:06:10,812 Dumb! You know what I'm talking about. 121 00:06:10,848 --> 00:06:12,848 Type of brother walk in a restaurant and know it open 24-hours. 122 00:06:12,894 --> 00:06:15,244 You know what I'm saying? 123 00:06:15,287 --> 00:06:18,807 He goes, "Hey, I know y'all open 24, but what time y'all open in the morning?" 124 00:06:18,856 --> 00:06:21,816 Like he gonna ask a pop quiz question. You know what I'm saying? 125 00:06:21,859 --> 00:06:23,299 Anybody here go to church? 126 00:06:23,339 --> 00:06:24,649 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 127 00:06:24,688 --> 00:06:26,558 Don't you love church? 128 00:06:26,603 --> 00:06:29,003 Did y'all ever go to a church, 129 00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:31,910 preacher run out of words to say, but he repeat his self and make it sound good? 130 00:06:31,956 --> 00:06:33,646 I went to a church Sunday preacher say, 131 00:06:33,697 --> 00:06:38,567 ♪ How long, good God almighty? How long, hey, hey, yeah 132 00:06:38,615 --> 00:06:40,835 ♪ How long long? 133 00:06:43,359 --> 00:06:46,099 Nigga's in the back, "That nigga can preach. That nigga can preach!" 134 00:06:46,144 --> 00:06:47,414 He said nothin' but "how long?" 135 00:06:47,450 --> 00:06:49,100 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 136 00:06:49,147 --> 00:06:51,057 Man, I went to a church, preacher couldn't read, right. 137 00:06:51,106 --> 00:06:54,536 So they had a midget up on the pulpit reading for him. 138 00:06:54,588 --> 00:06:57,068 You know how black preachers try to turn it out, you know. 139 00:06:57,112 --> 00:06:59,722 Little midget holding the Bible let me just say, "And John pulled the rope." 140 00:06:59,767 --> 00:07:02,197 Reverend say, "John pulled the rope." 141 00:07:03,901 --> 00:07:05,341 And the midget say, "And he pulled the rope hard." 142 00:07:05,381 --> 00:07:09,601 Reverend say, "He pulled the rope hard." 143 00:07:09,646 --> 00:07:11,606 Midget said, "Move your feet, I can't read what I'm doing." 144 00:07:11,648 --> 00:07:16,388 Reverend said, "Move your feet. I can't read what I'm doing." 145 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:18,086 He said, "No... No, you didn't supposed to say that." 146 00:07:18,133 --> 00:07:21,753 Reverend said, "No... No, you didn't supposed to say that." 147 00:07:21,789 --> 00:07:23,399 Midget say, "You done fucked up now." 148 00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:25,363 Reverend said, "You done fucked up now." 149 00:07:25,401 --> 00:07:26,751 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 150 00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:33,890 You can't say that in church. The hell is wrong with you? 151 00:07:33,931 --> 00:07:36,461 And nosy neighbors, don't you hate 'em? 152 00:07:36,499 --> 00:07:39,329 Man, every time your door open, they door open. 153 00:07:39,371 --> 00:07:41,421 Niggas always want to borrow something. You know what I'm saying. 154 00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:44,551 I come up the step minding my own business, you know. 155 00:07:44,594 --> 00:07:48,344 Open my door, "Click, click, click." Don't say, "click, click." 156 00:07:48,380 --> 00:07:50,560 He come over, check this out. "Man, I want to borrow a few dollars." 157 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:52,990 "Hey, man. I ain't got no money. Let that go." 158 00:07:53,037 --> 00:07:56,167 The other night I try to sneak up my step. I'm tiptoeing up my own step. 159 00:07:58,608 --> 00:08:01,088 Unlock the door real soft where the nigga couldn't hear me, you know. 160 00:08:01,132 --> 00:08:04,572 "Click, click, click." Don't say, "click, click." 161 00:08:04,614 --> 00:08:08,404 Nigga come out, "Yeah, man, uh, I heard you then." 162 00:08:12,143 --> 00:08:15,453 Nigga always want to borrow something, don't he? 163 00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,925 And smokers, it's nothing against smokers. You know what I'm saying? 164 00:08:17,975 --> 00:08:20,495 But when you're smoking 165 00:08:20,543 --> 00:08:24,593 and you start coughing and not smoking, it's time to stop. Am I right? 166 00:08:24,634 --> 00:08:26,294 You be around them old men, "Hey, man. How you doing?" 167 00:08:26,331 --> 00:08:30,381 "I'm doing pretty good... [COUGHS] Jeff... [COUGHS] 168 00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,122 "Man, let me tell you something. 169 00:08:34,165 --> 00:08:35,775 "Man, phew." 170 00:08:35,819 --> 00:08:39,169 Anybody got an uncle just mess up a Christmas party? 171 00:08:39,214 --> 00:08:40,964 Nigga do a dance nobody ain't never seen. 172 00:08:40,998 --> 00:08:42,908 You know what I'm talking about? 173 00:08:42,957 --> 00:08:44,647 Nigga come in, do a dance, "Well, hey, y'all. How you doing? 174 00:08:44,698 --> 00:08:46,178 "Oh, that's some music playing. Watch out, boy! 175 00:08:46,221 --> 00:08:47,961 "You don't know nothing 'bout this here. Wassup. 176 00:08:48,005 --> 00:08:50,085 "Boy, that was before your time, boy." 177 00:08:50,138 --> 00:08:54,398 "Good God almighty, boy. Yes, sir." 178 00:08:54,446 --> 00:08:58,576 Your mama be in the kitchen talking about that nigga, "Don't invite him no more." 179 00:08:58,625 --> 00:09:01,665 "He goin' mess up my good rugs." 180 00:09:01,715 --> 00:09:04,805 Have pockets real long. You know what I'm talking about? 181 00:09:04,848 --> 00:09:06,418 Oh, man. 182 00:09:06,458 --> 00:09:08,158 And y'all, this is my impression of leaving 183 00:09:08,199 --> 00:09:12,679 an all-you-can-eat restaurant. You know what I'm saying? 184 00:09:12,726 --> 00:09:14,546 You know, you walk out the door, nigga be like this... 185 00:09:16,164 --> 00:09:18,214 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 186 00:09:26,696 --> 00:09:28,606 But look here. I'm Bruce Bruce. 187 00:09:28,655 --> 00:09:30,215 I'm from Atlanta, large and in charge. Give me a hand clap. 188 00:09:30,265 --> 00:09:32,745 Love ya. Peace.[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 189 00:09:32,789 --> 00:09:34,699 [HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING] 190 00:09:37,098 --> 00:09:38,398 Bruce... 191 00:09:39,491 --> 00:09:41,541 Bruce Bruce. 192 00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:43,841 That's a big ol' motherfucker, boy. 193 00:09:45,106 --> 00:09:46,626 Gotta give my shouts, though. 194 00:09:46,673 --> 00:09:48,763 My boys in the house, 195 00:09:48,805 --> 00:09:52,455 Joe Courtney, Oliver Mendes, Cedric Ceballos from Phoenix Suns, y'all. 196 00:09:52,504 --> 00:09:53,594 What's up, man? 197 00:09:55,072 --> 00:09:56,072 Who's that guy? 198 00:09:57,771 --> 00:09:59,251 Who?Malcolm. 199 00:09:59,294 --> 00:10:01,514 Malcolm? Malcolm? 200 00:10:01,557 --> 00:10:04,427 You play ball? With the Phoenix?MALCOLM: Yeah. 201 00:10:04,473 --> 00:10:06,433 I didn't know that shit. 202 00:10:06,475 --> 00:10:07,425 I thought you just was another big head motherfucker with 'em. 203 00:10:10,087 --> 00:10:14,267 Sitting there... Sitting there like you the head nigga in charge. 204 00:10:14,309 --> 00:10:17,399 Do you ever get a headache this big? 205 00:10:17,442 --> 00:10:18,922 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 206 00:10:20,750 --> 00:10:23,320 Appreciate y'all coming out, checking me out though, man. 207 00:10:23,361 --> 00:10:24,621 A lot of love for y'all, man. 208 00:10:24,667 --> 00:10:27,407 Phoenix Suns in the God damn house. 209 00:10:27,452 --> 00:10:29,022 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 210 00:10:32,022 --> 00:10:33,552 Don't move that motherfucking head. 211 00:10:33,589 --> 00:10:34,759 You'll knock those cameras and shit over, man. 212 00:10:37,854 --> 00:10:41,164 Uh, you gotta give it up for, uh, Joe Seneca. He's in the house, today. 213 00:10:41,205 --> 00:10:42,895 How you doing, man? 214 00:10:42,946 --> 00:10:44,246 [AUDIENCE CHEERING] 215 00:10:44,295 --> 00:10:45,505 JOE: You a big pal, baby. 216 00:10:50,954 --> 00:10:53,914 You know I... You know all this is because of people like you, man. 217 00:10:53,957 --> 00:10:56,437 You've been keeping the doors open for black people a long time. 218 00:10:56,481 --> 00:10:57,611 You know what I'm saying? 219 00:11:00,485 --> 00:11:01,655 People like him. 220 00:11:03,575 --> 00:11:07,615 Now, are y'all ready for the next comedian? 221 00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:10,097 AUDIENCE: Damn. Is he funny? 222 00:11:10,147 --> 00:11:11,977 [AUDIENCE LAUGHS] 223 00:11:12,019 --> 00:11:14,149 My boy from Gary, Indiana. 224 00:11:14,195 --> 00:11:16,545 Q-dog in the house. Give it up for Buddy Lewis. 225 00:11:16,588 --> 00:11:18,198 [HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING] 226 00:11:25,815 --> 00:11:28,725 Wassup? Wassup? 227 00:11:28,775 --> 00:11:32,905 Oh, y'all, got some things I got to talk about, y'all. 228 00:11:32,953 --> 00:11:36,303 Just gotta talk about them. But first, let me tell y'all something. 229 00:11:36,347 --> 00:11:38,737 All this shit you hear up here from me ain't goin' be funny. 230 00:11:38,785 --> 00:11:41,305 Okay, I'm goin' let you know right now. 231 00:11:41,352 --> 00:11:43,092 Okay, some of y'all want to talk to yourself. 232 00:11:43,137 --> 00:11:45,657 "Girl, he aint' funny." Well, fuck it, I warned you. 233 00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,705 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 234 00:11:47,750 --> 00:11:51,100 I mean, what the hell you expect for free, huh? 235 00:11:51,145 --> 00:11:52,705 Who the hell did you think was gonna walk out the door? 236 00:11:52,755 --> 00:11:55,145 Maybe Martin, maybe Damon Wayans? Ah, hell no. 237 00:11:55,192 --> 00:11:58,462 Well, for free you get Buddy, Joe and the rest of them God damn comics in the back, 238 00:11:58,500 --> 00:12:00,070 so chuckle it up, God damn it. 239 00:12:00,110 --> 00:12:02,030 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 240 00:12:02,069 --> 00:12:03,979 Oh, and you better laugh now for free, 241 00:12:04,027 --> 00:12:06,327 'cause I'm gone tell you, when I get big as Damon and Eddie 242 00:12:06,377 --> 00:12:08,677 and all the rest of them motherfuckers, 243 00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,948 I'm gonna be just like Martin. Universal, whatever it is. What's that studio? 244 00:12:10,991 --> 00:12:14,561 City... Radio City Music Hall. Charging $55 for these same God damn jokes. 245 00:12:14,603 --> 00:12:16,043 Chuckle it up now, God damn it. 246 00:12:16,083 --> 00:12:17,743 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 247 00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:24,661 See I'm... Hey, I got a lot of things I got to talk about. 248 00:12:24,700 --> 00:12:27,180 This old rap music shit. Hey, I love it. 249 00:12:27,224 --> 00:12:29,104 Gangsta rap, I love all that shit. 250 00:12:29,139 --> 00:12:31,359 I just can't deal with these God damn gangsta ballads now. 251 00:12:31,402 --> 00:12:34,192 That's what's killing me. 252 00:12:34,231 --> 00:12:37,891 Ignorant ass rappers, I don't understand. If you're hard, stay hard. 253 00:12:37,931 --> 00:12:40,191 Don't change your shit up 'cause you're on TV. 254 00:12:40,237 --> 00:12:42,587 You know, getting an award. You know they change that shit up. 255 00:12:42,631 --> 00:12:44,851 They come out from out the back about to get an award, 256 00:12:44,894 --> 00:12:48,294 "All right, all right, okay, thank y'all for this award, 257 00:12:48,332 --> 00:12:49,942 "but first I want to say something. 258 00:12:49,986 --> 00:12:52,506 "I want to say thanks to my lord and savior Jesus Christ 259 00:12:52,554 --> 00:12:53,824 "for helping me write the song..." 260 00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:55,300 Bust the motherfuckers with the AK! 261 00:12:55,339 --> 00:12:56,559 Something's wrong. 262 00:13:00,605 --> 00:13:02,085 Is it just me? 263 00:13:02,129 --> 00:13:05,699 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 264 00:13:05,741 --> 00:13:07,961 We are different. I tell you, brothers, we are different. 265 00:13:08,004 --> 00:13:09,924 Brothers and sisters, we are different from all other people. 266 00:13:09,963 --> 00:13:12,443 Black and white people are different. 267 00:13:12,487 --> 00:13:14,787 I can tell you I'm from a predominantly black family, and I can tell you it's true. 268 00:13:14,837 --> 00:13:16,797 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 269 00:13:18,275 --> 00:13:20,355 I say predominantly 'cause I got a white aunt. 270 00:13:20,408 --> 00:13:23,238 Hey... Hey... Hey, don't look at me like, huh... 271 00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:25,410 Some of y'all got some interracial relatives. 272 00:13:25,456 --> 00:13:30,326 They might not be here in 1994, but back in 1865, Massa mo, 273 00:13:30,374 --> 00:13:33,384 some of y'all got some white relatives. 274 00:13:33,421 --> 00:13:37,291 Got a white aunt. She always trying to help my mother cook at holiday. 275 00:13:40,341 --> 00:13:42,561 Now, you know I got them kind of aunts, them Aunt Jemima kind, 276 00:13:42,604 --> 00:13:45,834 "Hey... Hey... Hey, let's go. We goin' eat." 277 00:13:45,868 --> 00:13:47,868 She in there trying to help them cook, y'all. 278 00:13:47,914 --> 00:13:49,964 Don't know nothing about no black spices. 279 00:13:52,527 --> 00:13:53,957 She come in there talking about, 280 00:13:54,007 --> 00:13:56,437 [WHINING] "Oh, I've have it this year. I've had it. 281 00:13:56,487 --> 00:13:58,967 "Every year you come to my house. 282 00:13:59,012 --> 00:14:03,322 "I have to sit out there and watch you all cook. This year I'm gonna help." 283 00:14:03,364 --> 00:14:05,544 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 284 00:14:05,583 --> 00:14:08,803 "I'm gonna corn the bread. I'm gonna collar the greens. 285 00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:10,888 "I'm gonna black the eyes on the peas." 286 00:14:15,028 --> 00:14:17,328 My mother's like, 287 00:14:17,378 --> 00:14:19,598 "Get your ass in that kitchen and stir up that Kool-Aid. That's what you do." 288 00:14:19,641 --> 00:14:21,211 [CHUCKLES] 289 00:14:21,251 --> 00:14:23,251 Black and white people are different. 290 00:14:23,297 --> 00:14:25,167 Even the way we walk down the street, you don't see white people 291 00:14:25,212 --> 00:14:26,822 walking down the street and trip on something, you know. 292 00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,126 It's just different, you know. You see... 293 00:14:28,171 --> 00:14:29,691 [HUMMING] 294 00:14:29,738 --> 00:14:32,128 "Oh! Hey, looky there. I almost tripped. 295 00:14:34,177 --> 00:14:36,827 "Heaven sake, go away!" 296 00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,046 Brothers walk down the street it's completely different, isn't it, 297 00:14:39,095 --> 00:14:42,655 because brothers have to make an athletic event out of everything. 298 00:14:42,707 --> 00:14:44,357 You know you see brothers walking down the street it's... 299 00:14:48,670 --> 00:14:50,670 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 300 00:15:01,552 --> 00:15:05,472 [LAUGHS] "Shit. 301 00:15:06,514 --> 00:15:10,084 "Whoo! [LAUGHS] 302 00:15:10,126 --> 00:15:13,256 "Almost got the kid, baby, but I'm too cool for that." 303 00:15:13,303 --> 00:15:15,183 My name's Buddy Lewis. Peace. 304 00:15:15,218 --> 00:15:17,218 [HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS] 305 00:15:21,268 --> 00:15:25,228 Big Buddy Lewis, big Buddy Lewis. 306 00:15:25,272 --> 00:15:29,932 Shit. Hey, we got some fine-ass, pretty-ass, sexy-ass, 307 00:15:29,972 --> 00:15:32,892 international cuties in the house. 308 00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:34,852 International Cover Girlmodels. 309 00:15:34,890 --> 00:15:37,630 Look at them up there. Cynthia Bailey, where you at?What's up? 310 00:15:37,675 --> 00:15:39,155 Yeah, put the fists up! 311 00:15:43,768 --> 00:15:45,948 Beverly Peele, where you at? 312 00:15:45,988 --> 00:15:48,428 Hey, you living... I'm living... I be living with your ass in a minute. 313 00:15:51,254 --> 00:15:54,784 And Kiara. Hey, there we go. 314 00:15:54,823 --> 00:15:56,963 I like that type of shit now. 315 00:15:57,782 --> 00:15:59,612 Say what? 316 00:15:59,654 --> 00:16:02,874 She's a mama? You pregnant? Cool. You don't look like you pregnant. 317 00:16:02,918 --> 00:16:05,358 God bless the child. Iggly biggly beek. 318 00:16:05,399 --> 00:16:06,919 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 319 00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:09,576 Powers from Uncle Joey. 320 00:16:09,620 --> 00:16:12,840 All right... All right... You... You know what you having? 321 00:16:12,884 --> 00:16:14,934 Not yet? You gonna have an ultrasound or something? 322 00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:17,634 That's some stupid stuff, give an ultrasound, look in there at a baby. 323 00:16:17,672 --> 00:16:20,592 Might be a mad-ass baby, you bothering him with all them lights and shit. 324 00:16:20,631 --> 00:16:24,161 Get a picture back, the baby like this... 325 00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:27,600 "I'm trying to get some sleep. It ain't time to come out yet." 326 00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:31,689 Thanks for coming by, all right. 327 00:16:31,729 --> 00:16:36,039 Are y'all ready for the next comedian? 328 00:16:36,082 --> 00:16:39,782 AUDIENCE: Damn. Is he funny? 329 00:16:39,824 --> 00:16:42,484 Hell, yeah. From my hometown, St. Louis, Missouri. 330 00:16:42,523 --> 00:16:45,183 Give it up for the world famous Guy T. 331 00:16:45,221 --> 00:16:47,921 [HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING] 332 00:16:53,925 --> 00:16:55,795 Damn. I got a quick knock-knock joke. 333 00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:57,670 Y'all with me?AUDIENCE: Yeah. 334 00:16:57,712 --> 00:16:59,152 Y'all know how to do a knock-knock joke, right?AUDIENCE: Yeah. 335 00:16:59,192 --> 00:17:00,322 I don't want no nigga going... 336 00:17:03,152 --> 00:17:05,332 Answer the God damn door and some shit. 337 00:17:05,372 --> 00:17:07,422 Knock-knock.AUDIENCE: Who's there? 338 00:17:07,461 --> 00:17:10,641 Little boy blue.AUDIENCE: Little boy blue who? 339 00:17:10,681 --> 00:17:11,811 Michael Jackson. 340 00:17:11,856 --> 00:17:13,726 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 341 00:17:24,869 --> 00:17:28,569 No, no. Mike didn't do it. It's just a joke I heard. 342 00:17:28,612 --> 00:17:32,142 You can go and tell your friends and they'll love ya. 343 00:17:32,181 --> 00:17:34,101 He didn't do it. I don't think Mike did it. 344 00:17:34,140 --> 00:17:38,450 Damn. Negroes in the house. I love this, God damn. 345 00:17:38,492 --> 00:17:41,102 Living in L.A., gang capitol of the God damn world. 346 00:17:41,147 --> 00:17:43,187 What's all this shit, the damn gang sign? 347 00:17:44,889 --> 00:17:46,199 Nigga did that to me, I thought he was trying 348 00:17:46,239 --> 00:17:47,759 to get a booger off his God damn hand. 349 00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:53,159 Then they walk around in the damn bandanas like they some God damn pirates. 350 00:17:53,202 --> 00:17:56,292 "Aye-aye, matey." 351 00:17:56,336 --> 00:17:59,596 I got to L.A., had to walk around butt naked in a bow tie for two weeks. 352 00:17:59,643 --> 00:18:01,303 I ain't know what fucking color to wear. 353 00:18:02,777 --> 00:18:04,647 Can't wear red, can't wear blue, 354 00:18:04,692 --> 00:18:07,172 can't wear pink 'cause they got gay gangs. 355 00:18:07,216 --> 00:18:09,566 They walk around throwing daisies and rose petals on your car. 356 00:18:12,743 --> 00:18:16,403 They out the closet. They on the front porch like a motherfucker. 357 00:18:16,443 --> 00:18:18,583 Then you gotta watch what neighborhood you go in. 358 00:18:18,619 --> 00:18:20,139 Niggers can't go in Beverly Hills. 359 00:18:20,186 --> 00:18:22,186 They got a gang, LAPD. 360 00:18:23,319 --> 00:18:25,759 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING] 361 00:18:28,237 --> 00:18:30,147 They beating the shit out of niggas. 362 00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:32,590 That's fucked up. 363 00:18:32,633 --> 00:18:34,203 Then they're recruiting kids. 364 00:18:34,243 --> 00:18:36,383 They got kids in these damn gangs now. 365 00:18:36,419 --> 00:18:37,549 They walking around. 366 00:18:40,380 --> 00:18:42,950 Kids ain't even kids no damn more. They ain't got no respect. 367 00:18:42,991 --> 00:18:45,301 Last week, nine-year-old boy shot at his mom. 368 00:18:45,341 --> 00:18:50,091 "Pow. Now, bitch, you go to your fucking room now." 369 00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:53,999 "I'm Tony Montana. Let me introduce you to my little friend." 370 00:18:54,045 --> 00:18:56,045 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 371 00:18:56,091 --> 00:18:57,791 They ain't kids no damn more. 372 00:18:57,832 --> 00:19:00,232 Kids used to be born weighing what, seven pound eight ounces? 373 00:19:00,269 --> 00:19:03,139 Now they being born weighing 25 pound, drinking 40 ounces. 374 00:19:04,534 --> 00:19:06,154 Doctors don't deliver babies no more. 375 00:19:06,188 --> 00:19:07,888 They just walkin' out the pussy, now, Nikes first. 376 00:19:07,929 --> 00:19:09,929 Pow![AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 377 00:19:15,328 --> 00:19:16,888 Fuck wrong with them? 378 00:19:16,938 --> 00:19:19,108 And every woman I meet now got kids. 379 00:19:19,158 --> 00:19:21,158 I don't mind meeting a woman with kids, 380 00:19:21,203 --> 00:19:23,343 but they got three or four of them bastards. 381 00:19:23,379 --> 00:19:26,209 Like I got a sign on my head that say, "Lost daddy. Help me." 382 00:19:29,298 --> 00:19:31,948 I mean, if you got kids, some manners would be nice. 383 00:19:31,996 --> 00:19:36,036 'Cause every time I go over to the house to get my groove on, to do my thing, 384 00:19:36,087 --> 00:19:39,087 thinking everything's gonna be all right, 385 00:19:39,134 --> 00:19:40,964 first thing I hear are the kids. 386 00:19:41,005 --> 00:19:45,395 "We hungry." Not "hi" or "what's up?" but "we hungry." 387 00:19:45,445 --> 00:19:48,315 They'll be lined up at the door like little baby birds in a nest. 388 00:19:48,361 --> 00:19:51,361 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 389 00:19:51,407 --> 00:19:53,497 And I tell their ass, "Look here, 390 00:19:53,540 --> 00:19:56,150 "I may put a big worm in your mama mouth..." 391 00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:58,105 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 392 00:20:01,330 --> 00:20:03,770 "But I ain't putting a God damn thing in yours. 393 00:20:03,811 --> 00:20:06,121 "Now get on like you been shit on, God damn." 394 00:20:09,730 --> 00:20:11,690 And the SWV. 395 00:20:11,732 --> 00:20:14,562 Everybody's talking about that, the woman's national anthem, Downtown. 396 00:20:17,085 --> 00:20:20,475 SWV... Has anyone seen these hos? 397 00:20:20,523 --> 00:20:22,263 If they want brothers to go downtown, 398 00:20:22,308 --> 00:20:24,398 they better go uptown and get some fucking makeup. 399 00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:26,530 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 400 00:20:32,187 --> 00:20:33,707 I mean, is it me? 401 00:20:33,754 --> 00:20:36,894 Is it me, or does SWV look like Jodeci in drag? 402 00:20:36,931 --> 00:20:38,931 [AUDIENCE LAUGHING] 403 00:20:46,288 --> 00:20:47,988 My name is Guy T., y'all. Peace. 404 00:20:50,074 --> 00:20:52,034 [HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING] 405 00:20:55,471 --> 00:20:57,951 World famous Guy T. in the house. 406 00:21:03,914 --> 00:21:05,574 Oh, shit. 407 00:21:09,355 --> 00:21:11,655 Y'all know that's my little brother, right? 408 00:21:11,705 --> 00:21:13,705 That's my little brother, y'all. Give it up one more time. 409 00:21:13,750 --> 00:21:15,670 [AUDIENCE CHEERING] 410 00:21:19,452 --> 00:21:21,372 I didn't want to say shit at first 'cause he the bomb, 411 00:21:21,410 --> 00:21:23,720 but I'd be like, "Get the fuck on." [CHUCKLES] 412 00:21:27,155 --> 00:21:29,845 Love you, man. That motherfucker be workin' hard, y'all. 413 00:21:29,897 --> 00:21:34,467 Shit. From my heart. From my heart. 414 00:21:34,510 --> 00:21:37,430 Ain't shit else to say. Russell, get up... The fuck up here, man. 415 00:21:38,645 --> 00:21:40,205 Get the fuck up here. 416 00:21:41,125 --> 00:21:42,475 Only on HBO. 417 00:21:43,911 --> 00:21:45,831 What you gotta say for the peoples? 418 00:21:45,869 --> 00:21:49,219 Thanks for coming out. God bless you. Goodnight.Love y'all. Thank you. 419 00:21:49,264 --> 00:21:51,884 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING AND CHEERING] 420 00:21:51,919 --> 00:21:54,139 [HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING] 421 00:21:54,189 --> 00:21:58,739 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 34748

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